AIMING HIGH A 6-yr old boy stood at my door. Something of his was

3
All Rights Reserved © 2014
2012
AIMING HIGH
A 6-yr old boy stood at my door. Something of his
was in my garage, he said. Upon opening the
garage door, I noticed a baseball and a broken window. "How do you suppose this ball
got in here?" I asked him.
Taking one look at the ball, one look at the
window, and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must have hit it right through that hole!"
LOST IN TRANSLATION
The couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a
baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told
them that there was a wonderful Russian baby boy available.
On the way home from the adoption center, they
stopped by the local college so they each could
enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk asked, "So why are you
studying Russian?"
The couple said proudly, "We just
adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so, when he begins
to talk, we want to be able to understand him."
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I’M DELIGHTED TO BE WITH YOU...ACTUALLY, AT MY AGE, I’M DELIGHTED TO BE ANYWHERE
MANY OF LIFE’S FAILURES ARE MEN WHO NEVER REALIZED HOW CLOSE THEY WERE TO SUCCESS WHEN THEY QUIT
WHATEVER YOU DO, DO IT BIG OR STAY IN BED
UNTIL I WAS FIFTEEN I THOUGHT MY NAME WAS ‘SHUT UP’
MY DAD’S PANTS KEPT CREEPING UP ON HIM. BY THE TIME HE RETIRED HE WAS JUST A PAIR OF PANTS AND A HEAD
SOMETIMES WE ACTUALLY ARE WHAT WE PRETEND TO BE
BAMBOO IS STRONGER THAN CONCRETE
DON’T WORRY! TO BE ALIVE AT ALL IS A RISK
¥ It was beloved and sometimes maligned British Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill who made the following sage observation: "Sometimes it is not enough that we do our best;
we must do what is required."
¥ If you're of a certain age, you might be
surprised to learn that the Bruce Willis
film "Die Hard" is older than the World
Wide Web.
¥ Those who study such things say that a
new mom accumulates anywhere from 450
to 700 hours of lost sleep during the first
year after her baby is born.
¥ You may be surprised to learn that the average American
man spends 10,585 hours hanging out in a bar. Or you may
not.
LEARN WHAT YOU ARE AND THEN BE IT
¥ Those who are looking for love might want to consider the
following statistics: In a 2013 survey, a quarter of adults said
that their spouse/partner is not the type of person they thought
they'd settle down with. More than half
of respondents said that their significant
other is their complete opposite.
¥ If you just can't seem to resist shouting
sometimes, you may suffer from
klazomania.
¥ Nobel and Pulitzer prize-winning author John Steinbeck did
not start out his career as a great success. In fact, his first novel, "Cup of Gold," was a complete flop, not even earning
enough money to cover the advance the publishing house paid
him. He was not discouraged, however; after the book's publication Steinbeck wrote to a friend, "The book was an immature experiment. ... The next one won't be good, nor the next
one, but about the fifth, I think I will be above the average."
¥ Even a chameleon that is born blind can take
on the colors of its environment.
Thought for the Day: "If a window of
opportunity appears, don't pull
down the shades."-- Tom Peters
(c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.
BIG SHOTS ARE ONLY LITTLE SHOTS WHO KEPT ON SHOOTING
A YOUNG MAN KNOWS THE RULES BUT AN OLD MAN KNOWS THE EXCEPTIONS TO THOSE RULES
SETTING THE STAGE
An actor, notorious for always forgetting his lines, hadn’t
landed a part in 15 years. One day he got a phone call from a
director who, hearing about his bad luck, wanted to give him
another chance. All the actor had to do was say, “Hark! I hear
the cannon roar!”
The actor decided to take the role.
Opening night arrived, and while he
waited in the wings, the actor nervously
muttered to himself, “Hark! I hear the cannon
roar! Hark! I hear the cannon roar!”
The time for his entrance finally came and as the actor made
his appearance, he heard a loud BOOM! Startled, he jumped
and yelled, “what the HECK was that?”
DEAR BOSS
 Dear Boss; I just found out that I can’t
come into work today because I was
switched at birth. I know that, legally, I can't
come to work if my employee records
contain false information. Also, I need to
find my birth parents. They may be rich
and then I won’t be coming in at all...ever...
 Dear Boss; In an effort to correct my habit of
being late, I set half the clocks in my house ahead one hour
and the other half back 1/2 hour on Saturday. I spent the
next 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop,
reliving Sunday (until the explosion)
over and over.
I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of my house. Accordingly, I’ll be in late...or
early ...tomorrow.
DON’T COMPRISE YOURSELF; YOU’RE ALL YOU’VE GOT - J. JOPLIN
IF TOMBSTONES TOLD THE TRUTH MOST PEOPLE WOULD WANT TO BE BURIED AT SEA
A HORSE THAT WANTS TO RUN WILL ALWAYS FIND A RIDER
HAPPINESS OFTEN ELUDES THE TIMID MAN
NOW AND THEN AN INNOCENT MAN GETS SENT TO THE LEGISLATURE
THE GNOMON IS THE THING THAT CASTS THE SHADOW ON A SUNDIAL
TEMPTATION RESISTED IS THE TURE MEASURE OF CHARACTER- LOUIS DEGA
A WINNER NEVER QUITS AND A QUITTER NEVER WINS
¥ On April 14, 1912, the RMS Titanic fails to divert its
course from an iceberg, ruptures its hull and begins to
sink. The Titanic was divided into 16 compartments
that were presumed to be watertight. Because four of
these compartments could be flooded without loss of buoyancy, the Titanic was
considered unsinkable.
¥ On April 20, 1923, Tito Puente, the bandleader and percussionist who helped popularize Latin dance music in America,
is born in New York City. During a career that
spanned six decades, "El Rey" (The King),
recorded more than 100 albums and won five
Grammy Awards.
¥ On April 16, 1947, multimillionaire and
financier Bernard Baruch first coins the
term "Cold War" to describe relations between the United States and the Soviet Union,
a war without fighting or bloodshed, but a
battle nonetheless.
THE ATTITUDE WITHIN IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE CIRCUMSTANCES WITHOUT
¥ On April 15, 1959, Fidel Castro visits the
United States. The trip got off to an inauspicious start when it became clear
that President Dwight Eisenhower had
no intention of meeting with Castro. Instead, Eisenhower went to the golf course to
avoid any chance meeting.
¥ On April 19, 1971, as a prelude to a massive antiwar protest
that would include 200,000 demonstrators, Vietnam Veterans
Against the War begin a five-day demonstration in Washington, D.C. The generally peaceful protest ended on April 23
with about 1,000 veterans throwing their combat ribbons, helmets and uniforms on the Capitol steps, along with toy weapons.
¥ On April 18, 1989, thousands of Chinese students continue
to take to the streets in Beijing to protest government policies.
The protests grew until the Chinese government ruthlessly
suppressed them in June, killing thousands, during what came
to be known as the Tiananmen Square Massacre.
¥ On April 17, 1960, Eddie Cochran, the
musician behind "Summertime Blues"
and other rockabilly hits, is killed when
the taxi carrying him from a show in Bristol, England, crashes en route to the airport
in London, where he was to catch a flight
home to the U.S. He was 21.
(c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.
TRUE PRAYER ALWAYS RECEIVES WHAT IT ASKS - OR SOMETHING BETTER
PRAYER IS OFTEN NO MORE THAN TALKING WITH GOD
WHOEVER FALLS FROM GOD’S RIGHT HAND LANDS IN HIS LEFT
1. AD SLOGANS: What company advertised its services with
the slogan, "When there is no tomorrow"?
2. HISTORY: What did the 26th Amendment to the U.S.
Constitution accomplish once it was signed into law in 1971?
3. MOVIES: What was the name of the college that was the
setting for "Animal House"?
4. MEDICINE: What does the Ishihara test determine?
5. MUSIC: Who was the last musician to perform at the 1969
Woodstock music festival?
6. TELEVISION: What was Phoebe's twin sister's name on
the sitcom "Friends"?
7. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: How long does it take for a
toenail or fingernail to grow from base to tip?
8. WEATHER: Most tornadoes in the U.S. form during what
period of the year?
9. FAMOUS QUOTATIONS: What 20th century statesman
said, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage
to continue that counts"?
10. GEOGRAPHY: What is the only Canadian province that
borders the Great Lakes?
Answers
1. FedEx
2. It lowered the legal voting age
to 18
3. Faber College
4. Color blindness
5. Jimi Hendrix
(c) 2013 King Features Synd., Inc.
6. Ursula
7. Six months
8. Spring and early summer
9. Winston Churchill
10. Ontario
THE PRAYERS OF THE CHRISTIAN ARE SECRET, BUT THEIR EFFECT CANNOT BE HIDDEN
TO PRAY TOGETHER IS THE MOST TENDER BROTHERHOOD THAT MAN MAY CONTRACT IN THIS LIFE
EARLY CIVILIZATIONS TRIED TO DELIVER MAIL USING CATS. IT DIDN'T WORK. DON’T EVEN TRY...
I MUST BE FOLLOWING MY DIET TOO CLOSELY. I KEEP GAINING ON IT