INTERVIEW WITH DAVE PELZER THE LOSS OF A CHILD WHEN

Transcription

INTERVIEW WITH DAVE PELZER
THE LOSS OF A CHILD
WHEN “WINNING” IS LOSING
“THE PRESCRIPTION DRUG EPIDEMIC:
THE TREATMENT PROFESSIONAL’S ROLE”
ADDICTION – THE BRAIN DISEASE
ARE YOU A PEOPLE-PLEASER?
THE REEL RECOVERY FILM FESTIVAL
FROM DEFIANCE TO RELIANCE: MY JOURNEY
INTO RECOVERY!
TAKING THE FIRST STEP: THE TRANSFORMATION
BEGINS HERE AND NOW
THE POWER OF ENERGY HEALING FOR
ADDICTIVE DISORDERS
PROGRAM SETTINGS AND TREATMENT OPTIONS
FOR SUBSTANCE USING JUVENILE OFFENDERS
REMEMBERING THE LOST AND EMPOWERING
THE LIVING
2
A LETTER FROM THE PUBLISHER
Dear Readers,
I welcome you to The Sober World magazine. The Sober World is an informative magazine that’s designed to help parents and families who have
loved ones struggling with addiction. We are a printed publication in South
Florida, as well as an online e-magazine reaching people globally in their
search for information about Drug and Alcohol Abuse.
We directly mail our printed magazine each month to whoever has been
arrested for drugs or alcohol in Palm Beach County as well as distributing
locally to the schools, colleges, drug court, coffee houses, meeting halls,
doctor offices and more throughout Palm Beach and Broward County. We
also directly mail to many rehabs throughout the state and country.
Our monthly magazine is available for free on our website at
www.thesoberworld.com.
If you would like to receive an E-version monthly of the magazine, please
send your e-mail address to [email protected]
Drug addiction has reached epidemic proportions throughout the country
and is steadily increasing. It is being described as “the biggest man-made
epidemic” in the United States. More people are dying from drug overdoses than from any other cause of injury death, including traffic accidents,
falls or guns.
Many Petty thefts are drug related, as the addicts need for drugs causes
them to take desperate measures in order to have the ability to buy their
drugs. The availability of prescription narcotics is overwhelming; as parents our hands are tied.
Purdue Pharma, the company that manufactures Oxycontin generated
$3.1 BILLION in revenue in 2010? Scary isn’t it?
Addiction is a disease but there is a terrible stigma attached to it. As family
members affected by this disease, we are often too ashamed to speak to
anyone about our loved ones addiction, feeling that we will be judged. We
try to pass it off as a passing phase in their lives, and some people hide
their head in the sand until it becomes very apparent such as through an
arrest, getting thrown out of school or even worse an overdose, that we
realize the true extent of their addiction.
I know that many of you who are reading this now are frantic that their
loved one has been arrested. No parent ever wants to see his or her child
arrested or put in jail, but this may be your opportunity to save your child
or loved one’s life. They are more apt to listen to you now than they were
before, when whatever you said may have fallen on deaf ears. This is
the point where you know your loved one needs help, but you don’t know
where to begin.
I have compiled this informative magazine to try to take that fear and anxiety
away from you and let you know there are many options to choose from.
There are Psychologists and Psychiatrists that specialize in treating people
with addictions. There are Education Consultants that will work with you to
figure out what your loved ones needs are and come up with the best plan
for them. There are Interventionists who will hold an intervention and try to
convince your loved one that they need help. There are detox centers that
provide medical supervision to help them through the withdrawal process,
There are Transport Services that will scoop up your resistant loved one
(under the age of 18 yrs. old) and bring them to the facility you have choTo Advertise, Call 561-910-1943
sen. There are long term Residential Programs (sometimes a year and
longer) as well as short term programs (30-90 days), there are Therapeutic
Boarding Schools, Wilderness programs, Extended Living and there are
Sober Living Housing where they can work, go to meetings and be accountable for staying clean.
Many times a Criminal Attorney will try to work out a deal with the court to
allow your child or loved one to seek treatment as an alternative to jail. I
know how overwhelming this period can be for you and I urge every parent or relative of an addict to get some help for yourself. There are many
groups that can help you. There is Al-Anon, Alateen (for teenagers), Families Anonymous, Nar-Anon and more. This is a disease that affects the
whole family, not just the parents.
These groups allow you to share your thoughts and feelings. As anonymous groups, your anonymity is protected. Anything said within those
walls are not shared with anyone outside the room. You share only your
first name, not your last name. This is a wonderful way for you to be able
to openly convey what has been happening in your life as well as hearing
other people share their stories. You will find that the faces are different
but the stories are all too similar. You will also be quite surprised to see
how many families are affected by drug and alcohol addiction.
Addiction knows no race or religion; it affects the wealthy as well as the
poor, the highly educated, old, young-IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE.
This magazine is dedicated to my son Steven who graduated with top
honors from University of Central Florida. He graduated with a degree in
Psychology, and was going for his Masters in Applied Behavioral Therapy.
He was a highly intelligent, sensitive young man who helped many people
get their lives on the right course. He could have accomplished whatever
he set his mind out to do. Unfortunately, after graduating from college he
tried a drug that was offered to him not realizing how addictive it was and
the power it would have over him.
My son was 7 months clean when he relapsed and died of a drug overdose. I hope this magazine helps you find the right treatment for your loved
one. They have a disease and like all diseases, you try to find the best
care suited for their needs. They need help.
Deaths from prescription drug overdose have been called the “silent epidemic” for years. There is approximately one American dying every 17
minutes from an accidental prescription drug overdose. Please don’t allow
your loved one to become a statistic. I hope you have found this magazine
helpful. You may also visit us on the web at www.thesoberworld.com.
We are on Face Book at www.facebook.com/pages/The-SoberWorld/445857548800036 or Steven Sober-World, Twitter at www.twitter.
com/thesoberworld, and LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/pub/patriciarosen/51/210/955/.
I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.
Sincerely,
Patricia
Publisher
[email protected]
3
IMPORTANT HELPLINE NUMBERS
Struggling with addiction?
211 PALM BEACH/TREASURE COAST
211
WWW.211PALMBEACH.ORG
FOR THE TREASURE COAST
WWW.211TREASURECOAST.ORG
FOR TEENAGERS
WWW.TEEN211PBTC.ORG
AAHOTLINE-NORTH PALM BEACH
561-655-5700
WWW.AA-PALMBEACHCOUNTY.ORG
AA HOTLINE- SOUTH COUNTY
561-276-4581
WWW.AAINPALMBEACH.ORG
FLORIDA ABUSE HOTLINE
1-800-962-2873
WWW.DCF.STATE.FL.US/PROGRAMS/ABUSE/
AL-ANON- PALM BEACH COUNTY
561-278-3481
WWW.SOUTHFLORIDAALANON.ORG
AL-ANON- NORTH PALM BEACH
561-882-0308
WWW.PALMBEACHAFG.ORG
FAMILIES ANONYMOUS
847-294-5877
(USA) 800-736-9805
(LOCAL) 561-236-8183
CENTER FOR GROUP COUNSELING
561-483-5300
WWW.GROUPCOUNSELING.ORG
CO-DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS
561-364-5205
At the Serenity House Detox we
WWW.PBCODA.COM
COCAINE ANONYMOUS
954-779-7272
pride ourselves on taking care
WWW.FLA-CA.ORG
of our clients like our family.
COUNCIL ON COMPULSIVE GAMBLING
800-426-7711
WWW.GAMBLINGHELP.ORG
We are a small private medical
CRIMESTOPPERS
800-458-TIPS (8477)
detox offering a peaceful and
WWW.CRIMESTOPPERSPBC.COM
CRIME LINE
800-423-TIPS (8477)
compassionate environment.
WWW.CRIMELINE.ORG
Our clients will have the
DEPRESSION AND MANIC DEPRESSION
954-746-2055
WWW.MHABROWARD
opportunity to take the first
FLORIDA DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
800-500-1119
step in the journey to recovery
WWW.FCADV.ORG
FLORIDA HIV/AIDS HOTLINE
800-FLA-AIDS (352-2437)
in a safe environment.
FLORIDA INJURY HELPLINE
800-510-5553
GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS
800-891-1740
www.serenityhousedetox.com
WWW.GA-SFL.ORG and WWW.GA-SFL.COM
[email protected]
HEPATITUS B HOTLINE
800-891-0707
JEWISH FAMILY AND CHILD SERVICES
561-684-1991
WWW.JFCSONLINE.COM
LAWYER ASSISTANCE
800-282-8981
MARIJUANA ANONYMOUS
800-766-6779
WWW.MARIJUANA-ANONYMOUS.ORG
NARC ANON FLORIDA REGION
888-947-8885
WWW.NARANONFL.ORG
NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS-PALM BEACH
561-848-6262
WWW.PALMCOASTNA.ORG
NATIONAL RUNAWAY SWITCHBOARD
800-RUNAWAY (786-2929)
WWW.1800RUNAWAY.ORG
NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE
1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
WWW.SUICIDOLOGY.ORG
ONLINE MEETING FOR MARIJUANA
WWW.MA-ONLINE.ORG
OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS- BROWARD COUNTY WWW.GOLDCOAST.OAGROUPS.ORG
OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS- PALM BEACH COUNTY
WWW.OAPALMBEACHFL.ORG
RUTH RALES JEWISH FAMILY SERVICES
561-852-3333
WWW.RUTHRALESJFS.ORG
WOMEN IN DISTRESS
954-761-1133
PALM BEACH COUNTY MEETING HALLS
ASI specializes in coordinating treatment alternatives to jail time for
CALL US TODAY!
Toll Free:
888.960.7798
Admissions:
954.579.2431
“If you have been arrested - CALL US!”
CENTRAL HOUSE 2170 W ATLANTIC AVE.
SW CORNER OF ATLANTIC & CONGRESS
CLUB OASIS
561-694-1949
CROSSROADS561-278-8004
WWW.THECROSSROADSCLUB.COM
EASY DOES IT
561-433-9971
LAMBDA NORTH CLUBHOUSE
WWW.LAMBDANORTH.ORG
THE MEETING PLACE
561-255-9866
WWW.THEMEETINGPLACEINC.COM
THE TRIANGLE CLUB
561-832-1110
WWW.THETRIANGLECLUBWPB.COM
BROWARD COUNTY MEETING HALLS
12 STEP HOUSE
954-523-4984
205 SW 23RD STREET
101 CLUB
700 SW 10TH DRIVE & DIXIE HWY
LAMBDA SOUTH CLUB
954-761-9072
WWW.LAMBDASOUTH.COM
POMPANO BEACH GROUP
SW CORNER OF SE 2ND & FEDERAL HWY
PRIDE CENTER
954-463-9005
WWW.PRIDECENTERFLORIDA.ORG
WEST BROWARD CLUB
954-476-8290
WWW.WESTBROWARDCLUB.ORG
4
those facing alcohol or drug related charges in the court system.
ASI is affiliated with a network of treatment centers and licensed
attorneys who are qualified and experienced in defending alcohol
and drug related charges.
For those who are not covered by health insurance for Substance
Abuse Treatment, we offer rehab alternatives at a rate substantially
discounted from what the treatment centers will normally charge you.
Call for a FREE consultation
WE PROVIDE:
Myles B. Schlam,J.D.,CAP/CCJAP
• Interventions
• Drug Evaluations
CEO, Advocare Solutions,Inc
• Drug Charges *
• DUI’s *
954-804-6888
• Expert Testimony
[email protected]
• Marchman Acts *
www.drugtreatmentpro.com
• Criminal Record Expungement
*All clients with legal cases will be represented by one of ASI’s licensed network attorneys
Just when the caterpillar
thought the world was over
it became a
butterfly.
An Exclusive Recovery Residence
Wellington, Florida
Kim Koslow, LMHC, CAP, CTT
Founder
954-540-8441
[email protected]
www.butterflyhousepalmbeach.com
FARR
Florida Association of Recovery Residences
Certified Member
To Advertise, Call 561-910-1943
5
By Patricia
Dave Pelzer is the author of several autobiographical and self-help
books but he is best known for his 1995 memoir of child abuse, A Child
Called “it”. It was the #1 New York Times Bestseller for over 6 years, as
well as a #1 International bestseller. It is currently translated in nearly
forty languages and has been read by millions throughout the world.
Dave Pelzer is the survivor of the third worst case of child-abuse
in California’s history at the hands of an alcoholic and mentally
unstable mother. He agreed to sit with me and give me an interview.
Patricia: I don’t know where to begin and all I can say is it is a
miracle you are still here. There are so many questions I would like to
ask but foremost, is there anything you would rather not talk about?
Dave: No, talking about it still helps me and if I can help one person
from this interview then I will be happy.
Patricia: How did you come to name the book a child called “it”
Dave: That’s what my mother called me. She never called me by
my name. She called me “it” or “boy”.
Patricia: At what age do you remember the abuse starting?
Dave: It was around the time I turned 4.
Patricia: Why then, did something happen that triggered something
or set her off?
Dave: I really don’t know. I know she was drinking
then and having babies close together. I was the
second to the oldest and we were 5 boys!
Patricia: What kind of things did your mother do?
Dave: Well, for one thing I wasn’t allowed to look at any of
my brothers or anyone for that matter in the eyes. I had to
walk with my head down, I was forced to sit in a room and
breathe in ammonia and Clorox, if I didn’t finish my chores
she would make me swallow ammonia, she burned my
arm on a stove, forced me to eat my own vomit, I slept on
an army cot in the basement and the list goes on.
Patricia: Didn’t your brothers try to do anything?
Dave: No, you have to understand we were all pretty
young and they were afraid of her doing it to them so they
pretended nothing was wrong
Patricia: What about your father? Where was he when this was
going on?
Dave: My father was a very passive man. He also was an alcoholic.
He was a fire fighter # 1522-A.He was always working. I loved
my father. I would tell him what she was doing and he would say
it would get better or that he would do something about it but he
never did. He ended up leaving our home because my mother was
always berating him.
Patricia: What was the most trying moment for you?
Dave: It was after my mother beat me for not doing the dishes, I
went to my father and he told me I should get back in and finish the
dishes. That was the loneliest moment of my life.
Patricia: What about your friends?
Dave: I didn’t have any friends. I wasn’t allowed to. I also didn’t
feel good about myself to even try to make friends. I smelled, my
clothes were dirty and I was always hungry. My mother didn’t take
care of me like most mothers do.
Patricia: What about your teachers? Surely someone must have
noticed something.
Dave: Yes, her name was Ms. Moss. She told the principal and
my mother went to the school all indignant and raised a stink. She
got herself dressed up, and she was on the PTA so back then the
schools backed down. They didn’t want to start with the parents.
6
They ended up removing Ms. Moss from the school.
Patricia: It seems so sad that all this could have stopped years
before it actually did.
Dave: I know but back then there were no child abuse laws and
people rarely got involved in other people’s business.
Patricia: Did she ever pick on your brothers or abuse them?
Dave: No, it was called Target child selection. This is where a
parent singles out one child for abuse.
Patricia: So what finally happened? How were you eventually
saved?
Dave: In 1973 my teachers stepped in again and thankfully I was
removed from my home and placed in foster care. I still remember
to thank those teachers each year except I can’t find the school
nurse. I remember them like it was yesterday- Mr. Ziegler my 5th
grade homeroom teacher, Mr. Hanson- my principle, Ms. Howell,
the school librarian and the school nurse.
Patricia: How were your foster parents?
Dave: I really liked my foster family but I was in and out of like 8 of
them. I used to stutter but they taught me how to stop. I really liked
this one family.
Patricia: Did you ever use drugs or alcohol to help
self-medicate or to forget what happened to you?
Dave: No, on the contrary. I worked twice as hard as the
next person to accomplish whatever it was that I wanted
to do. If I took algebra I would take every algebra class
available. I am not afraid of making a mistake. I learn
from them. I wanted to join the air force but failed the
test. I took that test over and over until I finally passed. I
served in the Gulf War. I am very focused
Patricia: How did you move forward and don’t the
scars of the abuse you suffered haunt you to this day?
Dave: yes, the scars are always there but everyone
has some sort of scar. I don’t let it disenable me. I
keep my humor, that’s what got me through the Gulf
war. The thing is when I start to think about it, I recognize it and I
work on it. When I see something I don’t like, I set limitations and
work on it. I believe life is a blessing and we need to be resilient. I
exercise and this helps me keep my mind clear.
Patricia: I understand you received personal recommendations
from 4 presidents, was honored as 1 of the 10 outstanding
young Americans and later was the only American to be honored
as the outstanding young person in the world. That’s quite an
accomplishment. Anything else I’m missing?
Dave: I also received the National Jefferson award which is
considered the Pulitzer Prize for public service AND I got to meet
Roger Moore while in Japan.
Patricia: wow that must have been exciting
Dave: It was. I also met Ronald Reagan.
Patricia: You have come a long way from that boy named “it”. Do
you have any children?
Dave: I do, a son. He is a parole office. I was the second person to
hold him. I learned from him. We played ball together, we both are
James Bond fans, and we both like the Giants. With him, I feel like I
was given a second for my lost youth. Through him, I learned what
it was like to be young.
Patricia: Have you ever received therapy and what have you
learned about yourself?
Continued on page 32
SoberWay Program
Medical Detox
Chemical Dependency and
Co-Occurring Disorders
Long Term Care through our
Customized Program
Opiate Specific Treatment for
Young Adults
Gambling Specific Treatment
The Brain Center:
Neurofeedback Program
Somatic Experiencing®
Experiential Therapies
Intensive Family Program
Christian Based Track Featuring
Celebrate Recovery
Web-based Aftercare
and Monitoring
soberway.com
The Mission at SoberWay
We provide our clients with a safe, effective, comprehensive and
life-changing therapeutic program in a family-style residential setting
using both time tested and cutting edge educational and therapeutic
tools to prepare clients to live a clean and sober, 12-Step based, life.
Opiate addiction is at an all time high.
We can help you on the road to recovery, the SoberWay.
soberway.com or contact 877.917.6237
Other services we offer include:
arizonadetoxcenters.com • 877.917.6237 & algamus.org • 888.669.2437
7
THE LOSS OF A CHILD
By Asa Don Brown, Ph.D., C.C.C., D.N.C.C.M., F.A.A.E.T.S.
Dear Reader,
As a clinician, I have written the following article to help those who
have experienced the loss of a child. Whether you have lost a child
from a miscarriage, an accident, an illness or an overdose; the pain
remains unimaginable and the grief is unexplainable. Simply put,
to lose a child is the most gut-wrenching experience any person
should endure. While the causation of the child’s death may differ,
a parent is a parent and a child is a child.
May this article prove a genuine source of inspiration.
Warm Regards,
Dr. Asa Don Brown
“To lose a child is to lose a piece of yourself.”
~Dr. Burton Grebin
There is no greater grief, than when a parent losses a child. As
a person, I had never truly experienced such a gut-wrenching
heartache, until the day that my wife and I lost a child. As a
therapist, some may think that I am trained to have “all the known
answers,” but the truth is, there are no answers, quick fixes, or
remedies to mend the heartbreak around the loss of a child.
The loss of a child is an inconceivable and it is an unimaginable
experience. While my wife and I never had an opportunity to get
to know our child by physical touch, perception, or smell; we had
already bonded with our developing child.
MY DAUGHTER’S HEARTACHE
The day that we were told that our child had passed on, was the
most egregious experience of my life. On this very day, not only
had I lost my child, but my precious and tendered hearted Delilah
experienced the loss of a sibling. At the time, my daughter was a
mere 5 years of age, but her cry and her mournful spirit penetrated
the very nature of my being. At that moment, I recognized not only
the impact that this loss had on myself, my loving wife, but the dire
impact that it had on my precious daughter. For me, the loss was
like an ocean of emotions consuming my person, but it was further
deepened by witnessing the breach of my daughter’s innocence.
Furthermore, it was the tenderness of my daughter’s cry that
pierced my heart and my soul. It was like I had experienced yet a
second loss, a loss of my precious daughter’s innocence and my
inability to protect her from harm that broke my spirit.
MY LOVE’S PAIN
“Generally women are more expressive about their loss, and
more likely to seek support from others. Men may be more actionoriented, tend to gather facts and problem solve, and therefore
often do not choose to participate in support networks that
consist of sharing feelings. This does not mean he is not grieving.
Often men bury themselves in work when they are grieving.” ~ American Pregnancy Association
The day that the love of my life and I lost our child, was one of
the most heartbreaking experiences within the context of our
relationship. My wife, my love and my best-friend was devastated,
and I felt helpless, without an ability to provide complete comfort. I
knew that I was incapable of offering a word or providing an offering
that would have removed the pain from her mind and her person. I
felt broken, dismayed, and guilty that I was incapable of protecting
my wife from an egregious experience. Moreover, my wife was
conveying feelings of regret, blame, shame and guilt over the loss
of our child. Despite all of my formal education in psychology, I felt
at a loss and puzzled how to proceed. Notably, while I am formally
trained, I have long ago realized that my humanhood remains a
vital part of my person. Clinicians often are expected to remain
8
professional in “all” circumstances and events, but the truth is, we
are human too.
THE LOSS OF A CHILD FROM A FATHER’S PERSPECTIVE
“When a woman miscarries, the experience of the father is
often forgotten. But men grieve pregnancy loss too...”
~ Author Unknown
The loss of my child broke my spirit. I do not feel that I have ever
weeped so deeply or so intensely. While my wife and I never had
an opportunity to celebrate the birth of our child, our loss was just
as profound and genuine as the loss of a birthed child.
As a father and a husband, I felt incapable of protecting both my
daughter and the love of my life. I felt such an emptiness and
hollowness that even to this day I am incapable of fully expressing
the loss of my precious child.
“Men are often relegated to a supporting role during pregnancy
loss. The focus usually falls on the mother--her physical and
emotional needs, her experience, her recovery. But fathers are
deeply affected by pregnancy loss.” As a clinician, I had no real
idea or fathomable comprehension of the authentic pain that
occurs when one loses a child. The loss of a child burrows
deep into your soul. As a father, I personally felt my emotions
and feelings had been dismissed by my friends, family, and my
professional associates. I am not an attention seeker, but in my
time of need, I felt abandoned and as though the urgency of my
pain was unimportant. As a clinician, I had heard these words, but
it was not until I had this experience, was I capable of completely
understanding the pain associated with the loss of a child.
WELL MEANING WORDS AND UNTIMELY STATEMENTS
“Losing a child is unspeakably painful, so finding the right
words to say to those grieving can be difficult.”
~ Kira Brekke
The day of our loss, brought with it many well intended words.
Many of the words brought warmth and comfort, while others
fell sadly short. Have you ever experienced words of comfort
and condolences? Did you feel that the individual offering
the sympathetic expressions were authentic in his or her
communication? Many well-meaning words often fall short of their
target message. While the words may be sincere, the message of
sincerity may have had a shortfall.
As humans, we have all encountered, or at least witnessed,
someone receiving words of comfort. We ourselves may have
been the individual responsible for offering the supportive
communication. The words may have been met with acceptance
or rejection, but either way, you felt compelled to share your
heart. Speaking words of comfort is a balancing act teetering on
empathetic and sympathetic. While empathetic words are an ability
to understand and share the feelings of another; sympathetic words
are frequently met with pity and sorrow for another.
Unfortunately, sincerity is not always the best approach to helping
someone deal with personal loss. In some cases, a silent word, a
warm embrace or the simple knowledge that you are present is the
best approach to offering comfort. Even if our words of comfort
and condolences were a sincere attempt to provide an expression
of sympathy, we may have missed the target of being empathetic.
It is extremely important that our words are always balanced with
sincerity and empathy.
My wife and I experienced a variety of communications. In
some cases, the words were thoughtful and encouraging, while
9
WHEN “WINNING” IS LOSING
By Yolanda Adams, CAP and Jennifer Nelson, LCSW, CSAT
When a client comes into treatment, usually they aren’t seeking
help strictly from an internal motivation of wanting to change every
aspect of their life. More often than not, they come in due to an
external force that has caused them to “surrender” to a certain
extent. When the external pressures become overwhelming, the
goal is to find relief in the short-term: housing, food, medical detox,
freedom from jail, etc. These solutions are never long lasting, if the
motivation is not accompanied by a deeper reason to stay sober.
For years, counselors have been serenaded with a chorus of
misguided statements, such as: “I can beat this” or “I just made a
mistake” and of course the mantra “I won’t make that same mistake
again.” All these statements point to a belief system that they can
win or outsmart their addiction or consequences if they just make
minor changes to their behavior, or attempt to change others
perceptions of how they are doing. At this point, life has become a
game to protect themselves from further disappointment or hurt.
The game of life never began with the addict “winning”
When someone is in active addiction, their life becomes a game
where they seek the thrill of the “hustle.” Figuring out what their
next move is, how to get more drugs, who to buy from and how to
make more money to support their habit. People become obstacles
or barriers to getting the end prize and relationships become more
about what can you give me or what can you do for me, rather than
what can I do for you.
Many suffering with addictive disorders often feel they are the ones
being used or “played” with in life. Some grew up in homes with
detached relationships, absent parents, a lack of structure and
positive role models. Some feel like they were neglected and grew
up with belief systems of “I am not good enough, smart enough
or pretty enough.” As they grow older, these distorted beliefs
begin to translate into “you cannot trust others in the world around
you” –laying a foundation for a myriad of personality, mood, and
psychological dysfunctions. They begin to attract others with the
same belief systems and begin to look at how they can survive
in this cruel world and how to gain control and power over their
lives and others so they can stop the pain. This internal dialogue
looks something like “hurt them before they have a chance to hurt
you” or “don’t trust anyone” These statements take a person from
building human connections to becoming opponents in battle.
Winning becomes about never having to show vulnerability. The
battle creates a false illusion that they are in control as the world
is falling apart around them, again a reminder of their childhood
hurt or disappointment that they will fight to avoid at all cost,
even to the “loss” of their sobriety. The misperception stems from
being vulnerable as a child and believing that this follows you into
adulthood; and that the only way to avoid feeling pain is to never
show vulnerability which is translated into having power in all
situations or “winning”
One of the most important treatment goals when attempting to help
a person with this distorted “winning” is to take the battle away by
not engaging. This is a lot easier said than done. In order to create
change, you have to redefine an entire belief system. The way to
do that is not be a player in the game. The counselor must be a
mentor for how to reconstruct a life framework to show the client
what “winning” truly looks like, and more than that, how it feels.
There are a lot of pitfalls that counselors fall into when dealing
with a client that sets treatment up as a game. If our goal is to
build rapport, point out flaws in thinking or living, create solutions
and change belief systems we need to be aware that a lot of times
their goals are the same when interacting with us. The game plan
is to make the counselor feel (and yes believe) like they are the
10
“one” that understands. Once they have “gained rapport”, then
the manipulation begins. They start to point out flaws--flaws in
the current program, in their past programs, in other therapist, in
themselves, in their peers, in their parents. Though they seem
to be engaged in their treatment it is just a clever ruse. They are
setting the stage to get what they want.
The counselor may feel that they are being held hostage…which…
they are. The counselor is at the place of wanting to negotiate or
compromise so that the client won’t walk away. The client knows
this and oftentimes wins, based on the counselor’s fear of “losing”
them. If you do not give them what they are asking for, they will
turn on you, begin stating that you have not met their needs, you
lied, you are not a good counselor, etc. Then the threats come
of “I am leaving, I want someone who understands me.” This is
where a counselor will engage in the battle. I have heard time and
time again “isn’t it better to meet them halfway, than to have them
leave?” My response would be, not if you are engaging in a win or
lose battle. If they have set it up as a game, you will just be another
player that they can conquer. If they have to leave to get it, they
have to leave to get it. If you begin making deals, you are teaching
them that life is a game. If you are thinking that “I can help them
in a way that others haven’t” or you have what it takes, aren’t you
playing the same game?
So what is the solution? Be human and vulnerable, set boundaries
and show them that others are not objects but people who can
help if they are willing to roll their sleeves and fight the true battle-which is how to believe in themselves. This awareness comes
when the individual is allowed to look at their choices, make a
decision, act upon this, whatever it may be without interjection from
another player (counselor, sponsor, treatment center) which they
can use at any given time to keep the game going.
Jennifer Nelson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker that has
worked in the field of addiction since 2007. Jennifer is a Certified
Sexual Addiction Therapist, EMDR trained, has extensive training
using psychodrama and experiential techniques. She is the Clinical
Director at Insight to Recovery.
Yolanda has an MS in Social Work and a BA in Journalism. She
is trained in EMDR, addressing trauma-related issues, substance
abuse and dual diagnosis. Yolanda is director of Utilization
Management & Review at Insight to Recovery
24/7 Admissions Hotline
866-664-0919
Most Private Insurance Accepted.
Helping People Everyday,
The Sovereign Way
Serving Adults, Adolescents and Families
Sovereign Health Group offers evidenced-based addiction, dual diagnosis, and mental health treatment programs for both adults and
adolescents.The Treatment Team targets the underlying condition by utilizing cutting-edge and comprehensive cognitive testing, rehabilitation, and treatment modalities.
Adult Treatment Programs
Adolescent Treatment Programs
Addiction | Dual Diagnosis | Mental Health
Substance Abuse | Co-Occurring | Mental Health
Levels of Care :
Levels of Care :
Detoxification | Residential | Partial Hospitalization
Residential | Partial Hospitalization
• Individual & Group Psychotherapy
• Relapse Prevention
• Gender specific programs
• 12 Step and Smart Recovery
• Anger Management
• Equine Therapy & Art Therapy
• Family Program
• Individualized Treatment Plans
• MindfulnessTraining
• Medication Management
• Individualized Treatment &
• Cognitive Behavior Therapy
• Art Therapy & Equine Therapy
• Trauma Informed Care (TIC)
• Integrated Schooling &
• Trauma Group
on 26 acre campus
Discharge Planning
• Gym and Yoga
• Aftercare Program & Alumni Network
• Anger Management & Social Skills
• 12 Step & Smart Recovery Support Groups
• Intensive Family Therapy
On-Site Instructor
San Clemente, CA | Culver City, CA | Palm Springs, CA | San Diego, CA | Delta, UT | Opening Soon: Chandler, AZ | Fort Myers, FL
www.sovcal.com
24/7 Admissions Hotline
866-664-0919
www.sovteens.com
Struggling with drugs or alcohol?
We have “the solution”...
solution”
Treatment + Real Life Recovery
= Long Term Sobriety
Complete Continuum of Care
Licensed Clinical Staff
Dual Diagnosis
Vocational Counseling & Workshops
Clinically Managed Sober Living
ins. accepted
Treatment is Discovery while Insight is for Recovery
Call us at 561-336-3236 or
1-888-854-3201
www.insighttorecovery.com
11
By Mel Pohl, MD, FASAM
Enough painkillers were prescribed in 2010 to medicate every
American adult around-the-clock for a month, according to the
Centers for Disease Control (CDC). Although most of these pills
were prescribed for medical purposes, many ended up in the hands
of people who misused or abused them.
The CDC, the Office of National Drug Control Policy, the Drug
Enforcement Administration, the Food and Drug Administration,
and Congress have identified that we are in the midst of an
epidemic of prescription drug misuse, dependence, and overdose,
meaning that a disproportionately large number of individuals within
communities across the US are being affected at the same time.
Additional statistics from the CDC confirm that deaths from
prescription painkillers have reached epidemic levels in the past
decade. Consider that the number of overdose deaths from these
doctor-approved medications is now greater than deaths from
heroin and cocaine overdoses combined. More deaths are caused
by prescription overdoses than by motor vehicle accidents. Over
16,000 overdose deaths occurred in 2012.
A big part of the problem is the nonmedical use of prescription
painkillers: when prescription drugs are used recreationally for the
“high” they create. In 2010, in fact, about twelve million Americans
age twelve or older reported nonmedical use of prescription
painkillers in the previous year. The problem also involves patients
in pain who take the drugs and whose lives get worse. In fact,
most people who die from overdoses had legitimate prescriptions
and accidentally took too much or combined the painkillers with
sedatives, resulting in respiratory arrest.
Improving the Prescription Process
Improving the way prescription painkillers are authorized and
prescribed to patients can reduce the number of people who
misuse, abuse, or overdose on these drugs. It is estimated that
over 100 million Americans suffer from chronic pain and many of
these people become dependent and addicted to opioids, starting
with prescriptions from well-meaning doctors.
As I lecture around the country on chronic pain and addiction, I am
always asked these questions by professionals:
• Why do doctors prescribe so much medication?
• Why don’t doctors warn their patients about the long-term risks
of opioids, including tolerance and physical dependence?
• Why do doctors keep prescribing, even when patients are
showing signs of decreased function and/or addiction?
• What can I do if I encounter a patient in such a situation?
Stepping in for a Patient’s Protection
I regularly hear complaints about doctors prescribing medications
to patients who are in substance abuse treatment programs, for
example, “Mr. Jones was on twenty-four medications. What can
we do about doctors who prescribe so many at once? I can’t call
the doctor; I’m only a social worker/counselor/marriage and family
therapist, and the doctor won’t listen to me.”
Treatment professionals are frustrated, feeling powerless to
influence a pain management system that is based on prescribing
habit-forming medications. And yet they have an important
opportunity to collaborate with doctors on behalf of their patients.
It is unreasonable to believe that all doctors are unapproachable
or uninterested in hearing from a treatment professional. Send a
signed release from your patient ahead of time, authorizing you to
contact the doctor, perhaps with a note asking if you might arrange
a time to call. Many will be grateful to know that you are working
with their patient. Offer yourself as a resource to the doctor, and
ask about any concerns with the patient’s medication use; often he
or she will acknowledge concerns about how to address them.
12
Anticipate that most prescribers want to do the right thing, but
some find that giving in to a patient’s request for pain-relieving
medication—and then hoping for the best—is easier than denying
it and risking a conflict-ridden conversation. Then, if the patient
expresses concerns about reactions to the drug, these physicians
will simply change the dosage or prescribe a different medication
without much consideration of other approaches.
Addressing Challenges
If a doctor will not discuss a case with you or won’t call you back,
what then? Determine if there is a way to reach him or her in any
other way. Consider scheduling an appointment to visit the doctor’s
office or clinic and get acquainted with the office management or
other practitioners who could help facilitate a meeting. Or perhaps
send a letter of explanation to someone who might be able to get it
directly to the doctor.
In addition, talk with patients who are in these situations to
determine their goals. If they want help stepping down from
medications, suggest ways they can explain this to their doctors.
In this way, you’ll be teaching patients how to advocate for
themselves. You can even offer to rehearse these conversations,
with you playing the role of the physician.
Addiction counselors and therapists are in the perfect position to
help doctors in these matters. They are already experienced in
motivating patients who are ambivalent or fearful about change
or advocating for their own health. These same skills can be
used to motivate doctors to be mindful of how they prescribe
opioid medications. Counselors may find that many doctors will
be pleased to know that their patient is working with a treatment
professional and will be willing to collaborate on the best overall
care plan for that individual.
13
TAKING THE FIRST STEP: THE TRANSFORMATION BEGINS HERE AND NOW
By Larry Smith, CAS III
Step 1: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives
had become unmanageable.”
This is where addiction took me…
For many years my life was unconsciously unmanageable as I
displayed the classic forms of denial: I rationalized, minimized and
projected the cause of all my problems onto other people until…
One day, after a four-day binge of cocaine and alcohol I came face
to face with myself in the mirror. As I stared into my eyes I started
screaming obscenities and calling myself every vulgar word that
came to mind. My screams turned into tears and I saw myself
exactly as I was: a sniveling, pathetic crack-head who was totally
addicted to booze and cocaine. I had turned my life’s extraordinary
blessings into a deep-seated hatred for myself and for God. No
matter what promises I had made to others and myself, I could not
stop drinking or using cocaine. As the tears subsided I wondered
how I could end my life and make it look like an accident. Little did I
know I had not yet hit my bottom.
Sickness and death are the physical expressions of the fear of
awakening. By experiencing the 12 steps, we receive the gift of a
spiritual awakening. This gift releases us from the fear, chaos and
drama associated with our previous existence. With this gift we are
reborn into a new life in which we finally experience reality. Miracles,
awakenings, and reality come to us – we do not go to them. They are
blessings we receive by simply aligning our wills with God’s will.
Admitting powerlessness instills the acceptance of our situation. As
we unearth the willingness to surrender, we open the door to change.
Seeking courage and surrender once appeared to be contradicting
concepts, but in recovery, they go hand in hand. Our healing begins
with a divine awareness that we are not alone on this worldly journey.
Transforming from a state of unconscious unmanageability
to conscious unmanageability brings a suffering addict to the
proverbial fork in the road. We have finally awakened from our
self-induced stupor of ignorance to the acknowledgement that
something is terribly wrong with the way we are living. Our life is still
unmanageable but now we are aware of it.
For most people suffering from addiction this is the first time they
have objectively looked at themselves. The pain and disgust they
see has finally overridden denial and blind arrogance. Admitting
unmanageability and surrendering to powerlessness over our lives
is truly the first step to transformation. The first of many decisions
in recovery starts right here, right now. Sadly for some, admitting
without surrendering is a far as they ever get. They are stuck in the
state of conscious incompetence. Some may visualize a new life,
but without taking any action, visualization is just another form of
hallucination. Surrendering is a spiritual lesson that must be learned
in recovery.
Step 1 suggests we are powerless over something: alcohol, drugs,
sex, overeating, gambling or shopping. While we had the power to
choose the object or objects of our powerlessness, we have become
powerless over life itself. The problem does not lie with the drugs,
alcohol or food – it lies within us. We are guilty of merely existing in
a far too human world as opposed to living as the divinely spiritual
beings that we were created to be. We may suffer from guilt when
we acknowledge our past indiscretions, but we can readily forgive
ourselves of human mistakes. Simply asking for forgiveness initiates
the healing process of guilt. Shame, however, is far more toxic than
guilt because it makes us believe something is inherently wrong with
us and that we are not worthy of forgiveness.
Most alcoholics and addicts believe they never measured up to the
expectations that families, religions and society wrongly placed upon
them. To numb the pain of feeling inadequate, they sought and found
14
refuge in booze and drugs. People with codependency find refuge
in overindulging in different types of self-sabotaging behaviors. They
numb their personal pain by directing their attention to the person
or people in their lives that, in their minds, are less functional them
themselves. Codependents focus on the past that, in turn, destroys
the present. They use the past to project the future while ignoring
their own need for happiness.
Others may focus on work or strongly held, closed-minded beliefs.
These obsessions can result in the same character defects as
addiction. Codependency and addiction go hand in hand. Renowned
psychiatrist Doctor Pursch M.D. has many times reminded me, “If
you scratch an alcoholic, underneath you will find a codependent”.
Unmanageability results from certain defects of character that
addiction and obsessive thinking create and demand. Defects
common in nearly all addicted people include dishonesty, selfcenteredness, selfishness, guilt, shame, denial, procrastination and
a lack of awareness of reality. Many of these defects of character are
our brain’s defense mechanisms that protect us from the truth about
ourselves. Recovery starts when we stop separating our thoughts
from reality.
Our twisted perception that we are unique must be smashed, along
with the beliefs that our addiction to drugs, obsessions and the
negative thoughts can be eliminated without help. The first word in
the first step – “we” – was placed there intentionally. The initial draft
of the 12 steps started with the word “admitted”. But the alcoholics
working with Bill W. writing the steps wanted it clearly understood
that no one “trudges the road to happy destiny” alone.
In the beginning, the seemingly impossible task of grasping reality
appears overwhelming because we have allowed our perception to
become so extremely distorted. Chemicals have hijacked our brain
and our thoughts. These deceptive and self-destructive thoughts are
so pervasive and ingrained that they slowly became our reality. This
familiar, false reality then creates a sense of comfort, at least, until
that moment of clarity, that profound instant that we know we are
going to die unless we change.
Step 1 in the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions states, “We
perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first
step toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal
powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrocks upon which happy
and purposeful lives can be built.”
The 12 steps act as the road map to living life in a world that appears
to have no direction and make no sense. But we eventually discover
that the world need not make sense once we recover from the
hopeless mind-state that we experienced as the result of addiction
and codependency. The goal of the 12 steps is to deliver a spiritual
awakening, a new life that is a miracle based on truth. Step 1 is the
beginning of the transformation from a broken belief system to a life
filled with meaning and purpose.
We find purpose by redefining our values. But these value shifts take
place gradually in recovery and they tend to differ between men and
women. While both men and women, in recovery, find more purpose
through spirituality, men who had placed their focus on power,
money and pleasure, now find purpose in family and personal peace.
Women who tended to place their focus on family, career and fitting
in now find purpose in personal growth and authentic self-esteem.
While these are general observations, the point is that people in
recovery, just as people who experience near-death events, will look
to find meaning and purpose through repairing their belief systems.
Recovery is not a small heading correction, there is a deadly
storm ahead that requires completely reinventing how to
experience life from the moment we wake up until we place
our head on the pillow each evening. While this seems like an
Enter to win our "Pass the Torch", Scholarship Treatment Awards
at SkyToxicology.com/FreeScholarship
PROPEL
YOUR TESTING
EXPERIENCE
TO ENTIRELY
NEW HEIGHTS
Exclusively Dedicated to Addiction
Treatment Testing.
Two Minutes Could Change One Of
Your Patient’s Lives FOREVER!
Addiction treatment facilities can enter to win
a $10,000 scholarship for their patient’s
recovery. We will be awarding $500,000 in
total from June 1, 2014 through June 1, 2015.
See website for next drawing dates, entry
information and rules:
SkyToxicology.com/FreeScholarship – or
contact us at [email protected]
No obligation is required and you need not be
present to win.
SKY Toxicology is a market leader focused solely on addiction
treatment testing—delivering accuracy beyond forensic
standards. We provide comprehensive, clinical quantitative urine
drug testing and medication monitoring for addiction treatment
facilities.
SKY offers a more comprehensive test menu, faster turn-around
and a higher client retention rate than any of our leading
competitors. SKY Toxicology can help advance a treatment
facility’s business to the next level and raise the level of care
and compassion for each and every patient.
Call 888-619-3299
or visit SkyToxicology.com
© 2014 Sky Toxicology. All rights reserved. The Sky Toxicology logo and Sky Toxicology are trademarks of Sky Toxicology, San Antonio, Texas.
15
By Terence T. Gorski
Addiction is a brain disease. The use of alcohol and other drugs
causes three abnormal addictive brain responses. These three
addictive brain responses make it easy for addicted people to keep
using alcohol or other drugs while making it difficult for them to stop
and stay stopped.
The Addictive Brain Response
When addicted people use alcohol or other drugs they experience
an Addictive Brain Response that:
• Floods the brain with pleasure chemicals that make them feel
an intense sense of pleasure called euphoria.
• Deprives the brain of warning chemicals, which takes away
feelings of stress, anxiety, and fear.
• When they stop using alcohol and other drugs, the brain
does not just go back to normal. There is a rebound in brain
chemistry that causes the levels of pleasure chemicals in the
brain to go up and down in a chaotic and unpredictable way.
Brain Chemistry Fluctuations
First, the brain stops producing the pleasure chemicals that are
flooding the brain. This causes the level of pleasure chemicals
to drop rapidly. They often drop so fast that they go below the
normal level before the brain turns production back on. When the
pleasure chemicals drop too low the addict feels a sense of agitated
depression.
When the brain registers that the level of pleasure chemical is too
low, the brain turns the production of the pleasure chemicals back
on. This causes the level of warning chemicals to rapidly increase.
The pleasure chemicals often rise above normal levels before the
brain slows down production. This creates a feeling of euphoria.
When the pleasure chemicals drop, the brain produces high levels
of warning chemicals that create fear and anxiety. When the brain
registers the high level of warning chemicals, it slows down the
production of the warning chemicals and increases the production
of the pleasure chemicals. The changing brain chemistry pattern
causes the person to fluctuate between periods of euphoria and then
suddenly crash in periods of agitated depression which then cycles
back to euphoria. With each cycle the brain begins stabilizing and
returning to normal, but it can take several days of abstinence.
This period is when the brain chemistry is unstable and fluctuating.
The brain swings from not having enough pleasure chemicals to
feel normal, to having a flood of pleasure chemicals that make
them euphoric. At the same time, the brain swings from having so
many warning chemicals that we feel paranoid and hyper vigilant; to
having too few warning chemicals that make us feel an unrealistic
sense of courage and confidence.
This process keeps reversing itself. The pleasure chemicals spike
back up creating a sudden sense of well being and the warning
chemicals drop back down taking away stress, anxiety, and fear.
Levels of brain chemicals keep shifting back and forth from too high
to too low until the brain eventually gets back into a normal balance.
These fluctuations in brain chemistry make people feel agitated and
depressed. It makes it hard to think clearly and causes difficulties
solving usually simple problems. Emotionally, people shift from
being over reactive to feeling numb. This causes trouble-controlling
behavior and may cause people to do things that they normally
would not do. They experience memory problems and have trouble
sleeping restfully. As addicted people use more alcohol and other
drugs over a longer period, their symptoms keep getting worse and
lasting longer.
The feeling of euphoria caused by alcohol or other drug use makes
it hard for addicted people to believe that alcohol or other drugs
are damaging the brain. The symptoms of progressive brain
dysfunction become clear when addicted people try to stop using
16
alcohol or other drugs. They experience craving, irritability, difficulty
thinking clearly, difficulty sleeping, and agitated depression when
they stop using.
There is often a progression from use, to abuse, to addiction. Here
is how it works:
• Non-Problem Use: Addicted people often start using alcohol
or other drugs in a casual and infrequent way that does not
cause problems.
• Frequent & Heavy Use: The euphoric response feels so good
that people at risk of getting addicted start using more often.
They start to need to use more alcohol or other drugs to get the
euphoric feeling they want. This is called tolerance. They are
using alcohol and other drugs for the euphoric effect and stop
paying attention to how much they are using.
• Abuse (Use That Causes Problems): As the quantity and
frequency of alcohol and drug use increases, people slowly
start to have problems. They gradually move into a pattern of
abuse. Remember, abuse is using alcohol and other drugs in a
way that causes problems. Typically, these problems begin to
affect family members, friends, and their work.
• Addiction: They continue to use frequently and heavily until
the alcohol or other drugs cause permanent changes in brain
chemistry. Once the addiction is activated, there is no turning
back. The addiction takes on a life of its own and will continue
to progress through three predictable stages: Early, Middle, and
Chronic, as long as the person keeps using alcohol and other
drugs.
The early stage of addiction is marked by a growing
dependency on alcohol and other drugs. Early stage addicts
are still able to feel good and function well. There are no serious
problems so they see no need to cut back or stop. Their growing
tolerance is forcing them to use more to get the same effect. Their
high tolerance let’s them use more without becoming intoxicated
or having other noticeable problems. People in the early stage of
addiction are often viewed by others as heavy social drinkers or
recreational drug users who can handle alcohol and other drugs
better than most people.
The middle stages of addiction are marked by a progressive
loss of control. Sometimes when they start using, everything goes
well. At other times they use more than they intended to use to get
17
ARE YOU A PEOPLE-PLEASER?
By Darlene Lancer, LMFT
People-pleasers feel guilty saying no and often resentful when they
say yes. We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t.
Our strategy might create other problems. We may put in extra
time at work and try to please the boss but get passed over for a
promotion or discover we’re doing work we’re not enjoying at all.
We may be very accommodating to family and friends and resent
that we’re always the one called upon for help, extra work, or to
take care of someone else’s problems.
Our love life might suffer, too. We give and give to our partner, but
feel unappreciated or unimportant and that our needs and desires
aren’t considered. We may begin to feel bored, joyless, or mildly
depressed. We may miss earlier times when we were happier or
more independent. The anger, resentment, hurt, and conflict we
always tried to avoid continues to grow. Being alone might appear
to be a welcome escape from these challenges, but then we’d end
up sacrificing our connection to others, which is what we truly want.
Sometimes, it seems like we have to choose between sacrificing
ourselves or sacrificing a relationship.
It’s Easier to Just Go Along
We often feel trapped, but don’t know another way to be.
Accommodating others is so ingrained in us that stopping is not only
difficult, it’s terrifying. If we look around, we might notice other people
who are well-liked and don’t people-please. We may even know
someone who is kind or admired and is able to say no to requests and
invitations. What’s more, they don’t seem to agonize about it with guilt.
How they do that is baffling. We might even envy someone quite popular
who doesn’t give a hoot about what others think. If we bother to reflect
on all this, we may wonder how we got into such a mess and question
our fundamental belief that pleasing is the road to acceptance.
Although there are other people who choose to be cooperative and
kind, we don’t feel as if we have a choice. It can be as hard to say
no to someone who needs us as it is to someone who abuses us. In
either case, we fear it will negatively affect our relationship, and the
guilt and fear of rejection or disappointing someone is overwhelming.
We may have loved ones or friends who would become indignant
and even retaliate if we were to say no. Each time, it gets easier to
agree when we rather not, or to go along and not object. We can turn
into a human pretzel trying to win the love or approval of someone
we care for – especially in a romantic relationship.
Starting in Childhood
The problem is that for many of us, our pleasing is more than
kindness. It’s our personality style. Some children decide that
accommodating their parents’ wishes is the safest way to survive
in a world of powerful adults and the best way to win their parents
acceptance and love. When parental discipline is unfair or
unpredictable, children learn to be careful and cooperative to avoid
it. Many of us are more sensitive and have a low tolerance for
conflict or separation from parents due to genetic makeup, early
interactions with parents, or a combination of various factors.
People-Pleasers Pay a Price
Unfortunately, becoming a people-pleaser sets us on a path of
becoming alienated from our innate, true self. The underlying belief
is that who we are isn’t lovable. Instead, we idealize being loved as
a means to self-worth and happiness to the point that we crave it.
Our need to be accepted, understood, needed, and loved causes
us to be compliant and self-effacing. We conclude, “If you love
me, then I’m lovable.” “You” comes to mean just about everyone,
including people incapable of love!
Preserving our relationships is our uppermost mandate. We strive
to be lovable and charitable and reject character traits that we
decide won’t serve that goal. We can end up squelching entire
chunks of our personality that are incompatible, like showing anger,
18
winning competitions, exercising power, getting attention, setting
boundaries, or disagreeing with others. Even when not asked, we
willingly give up separate interests that would mean time away from
a loved one. The slightest look of disappointment (which we may
inaccurately infer) is enough to deter us from doing something on
our own.
Assertiveness feels harsh, setting limits feels rude, and requesting
that our needs be met sounds demanding. Some of us don’t believe
we have any rights at all. We feel guilty expressing any needs, even
if were aware of them. We consider it selfish to act in our own selfinterest. We may even have been called selfish by a selfish parent
or spouse. Our guilt and fear of abandonment may be so strong
that we stay in an abusive relationship rather than leave.
It’s not surprising that we’re often attracted to someone who is the
opposite of us – whose power, independence, and certitude we
admire. Over time, we can start to think that unlike us, they’re selfish.
In fact, we probably wouldn’t be attracted to someone of the opposite
sex who is as kind and pleasing as we are. We would consider
them weak, because deep down we dislike ourselves for being so
compliant. Moreover, getting our needs met doesn’t rank high on our
list. We’d rather be submissive – but eventually pay a price for it.
We’re not aware that each time we hide who we are to please someone
else; we give up a little self-respect. In the process, our true self (what
we really feel, think, need, and want) retreats a bit more. We become
accustomed to sacrificing our needs and wants for so long that we may
not know what they are. Decades of conveniently accommodating “just
this time” whittles away at our connection to our true self, and our lives
and relationships begin to feel empty of joy and passion.
We can change!
It’s possible to change and find our voice, our power, and our
passion. It requires getting reacquainted with that Self we’ve
hidden, discovering our feelings and needs, and risking asserting
and acting on them. It’s a process of raising our sense of self-worth
and self-esteem and healing the shame we may not even know
that we carry, but it’s a worthy adventure of self-reclamation. Learn
more about the steps you can take in my books and ebooks on my
website, www.whatiscodependency.com.
Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
and expert on relationships and codependency. She’s the author
of two books: Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps
to Freeing the True You and Codependency for Dummies. Her
eBooks include: 10 Steps to Self-Esteem, How to Speak Your Mind
- Become Assertive and Set Limits and Codependency Recovery
Daily Reflections.
©Darlene Lancer 2014
All of our patients are unique and this can come through in
the treatment options that are specifically suitable for them.
We offer the following types of therapy
• Detox
• Aftercare
• Meditation
• Art Therapy
• Psychosocial
• Family Counseling
• Anger Management
• Relapse Prevention
• Education Seminars
• Personal Spirituality
• Big Book Step Study
• Nutritional Education
• Individual Counseling
• Holistic Life Coaching
• Relaxation and Music
• Recovery Maintenance
• Emotional Behavioral Therapy
• Stress Reduction Workshops
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
• Developing Support Systems
• Substance Abuse Group Counseling
• State of the Art Bio-Feedback Therapy
Learn more about the types of therapy offered
1-844-WAY-BEYOND (929-2396)
waybeyonddetox.com
19
SUNDAY
LY
DaI
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
1
S Mondays
L
A
DE Tuesdays
2
SATURDAY
- 50% Off Brewed Coffee
- 50% Off Lattes
Wednesdays - 50% Off Iced Coffee
Thursdays - 50% Off Iced Tea
Saturdays - 50% off Brewed Coffee & Muffins
Sober Saturday
Open AA Meeting
12pm
3
Day of Rest
9
6
7
8
Hope Within 4Open NA Meeting 5
Open AA Meeting
Noon Hour
Women In Sobriety Meditation With Sober Saturday
6pm
5:30pm
Open AA Meeting
Open AA
Open AA Meeting
Jana 11am
Creative Journaling Meeting 12pm
12pm
10:30am
Candlelight
10-11:30am
Meditation 7pm
10 Hope Within
Day of Rest
16
Day of Rest
23
Day of Rest
11
12
14
13
15
Open AA Meeting Open NA Meeting
Noon Hour
Women In Sobriety Open Mic Night/
6pm
5:30pm
Open AA
Open AA Meeting Karaoke 7-10pm
Creative
Journaling
Pizza and soda
Meeting
12pm
10:30am
Candlelight
10-11:30am
for sale
Meditation 7pm
Sober Saturday
Open AA Meeting
12pm
17 Hope Within
18
19
20
21
22
24
25
26
27
28
29
Sober Saturday
Open AA
Meeting
12pm
Open AA Meeting Open NA Meeting
Noon Hour
Women In Sobriety Meditation With Sober Saturday
6pm
5:30pm
Open AA
Open AA Meeting
Open AA Meeting
Jana 11am
10:30am
12pm
Candlelight Creative Journaling Meeting 12pm
10-11:30am
Meditation 7pm
Hope Within Open NA Meeting
Open AA Meeting
Noon Hour
6pm
5:30pm
Open AA
Candlelight Creative Journaling Meeting 12pm
10-11:30am
Meditation 7pm
Closed for
Thanksgiving
BLACK FRIDAY!!
Come in for our
amazing offers!
30
Day Of Rest
OPEN MIC NIGHT IS BACK! WITHIN BLOG
Come on out for Open Mic and Karaoke Night
on Friday the 14th, 2014 from 7-10pm.
Pizza and soda will be available for purchase.
5865 S. Congress Ave.
Lake Worth, FL 33462
20
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday-Friday
Saturday
7:30am-8:00pm
7:30am-7:00pm
7:30am-5:00pm
8:30am-5:00pm
Read our blog for offers you
won’t ﬁnd anywhere else!
Visit us at:
w ww.withinbookscafe.com/blog/
561-922-0313
WithinBooksCafe.com
2
ND
Annual Run for Recovery
THIS IS THE SECOND ANNUAL RUN FOR RECOVERY TO BENEFIT FERN HOUSE.
WE LOOK FORWARD TO WELCOMING YOU BACK AGAIN THIS YEAR FOR ANOTHER
GREAT MORNING OF FUN, FELLOWSHIP AND RUNNING THROUGH DREHER PARK.
ADULTS $25.00 FULL TIME STUDENTS 25 & UNDER $15.00
RACE DAY REGISTRATION STARTS AT 6:30AM RACE STARTS AT 7:30AM
REGISTER AT ACTIVE.COM
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22ND, 2014
DREHER PARK, WEST PALM BEACH
21
PROGRAM SETTINGS AND TREATMENT OPTIONS FOR SUBSTANCE
USING JUVENILE OFFENDERS
By Fred Dyer, Ph.D., CADC
Prior to the past two decades the only treatment options available
for the publicly supported juvenile population were long-term
residential programs (e.g., therapeutic communities) and outpatient
counseling. Those individuals and families with financial means
typically sought help through private hospitalization or individual
practitioners. Treatment services within juvenile institutions were all
but nonexistent. In the late 1960s, when the young adult heroin and
methamphetamine epidemic began and lower-level drug use (e.g.,
marijuana) became widespread among youth, many adolescents were
referred to community-based treatment under coercion of the courts
as a result of having been charged with status offenses (e.g., runaway,
truancy, incorrigibility). This practice fell out of favor, leading to the
deinstitutionalization-of-status-offenders movement of the mid-1970s;
what had been in all practicality an intervention/court diversion option
for youth with SUDs was essentially lost. Placing status offenders in
confinement was not a desirable practice; its loss as an option resulted
afterward in many young persons with emerging SUDs developing
higher severity of SUDs and criminal behavior before receiving
treatment. Not until the 1990s did juvenile justice systems develop
widespread diversion programs such as juvenile drug court.
Traditional Approaches
Both scientific and empirical evidence have consistently shown that
merely adopting or slightly modifying adult treatment philosophies
and approaches for juveniles usually produces poor results. The
medical disease approach, which has shown some effectiveness
with segments of the general adolescent population, has not
had measurable success. This may be attributable in part to the
cultural, environmental, and circumstantial factors that are often
present in working with this population. Similarly, 12-step facilitation
and otherwise evidence-based supported practice in “free-world”
settings has not demonstrated effectiveness in juvenile justice
populations; yet, it has been used as a mandated program in
some states for juveniles who screen positive for SUDs. A more
practical solution might be for juvenile programs to avoid blanket
requirements of participation in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA),
Narcotics Anonymous (NA) and other self-help meetings and
instead to encourage those with the highest levels of severity and
risk to be exposed to the 12-steps as a framework to help them
manage their sobriety after discharge.
Another common approach that has not been at all successful
with juveniles is drug and alcohol education. This dissonance is an
example of how leaving juveniles (i.e., the so-called consumers) out
of the program design process often results in a waste of precious
resources. Policy makers and practitioners are well advised to
include individuals in recovery in the shaping of effective programs
for juveniles. This might help bring balance to the reliance
on the use of some evidence-based practices that may have
demonstrated effectiveness in research studies but not necessarily
with juveniles in naturalistic settings.
Institution-based Programs
Substance abuse treatment for juveniles is generally delivered in
three settings: institutional; community-based residential; and nonresidential. Institutional settings mostly provide physically secure
confinement for the short term (e.g., pretrial detention centers) or
long term (e.g., secure treatment centers) for juveniles who are
dangerous to others or themselves. Since the mid-1900s many youth
have been transferred to adult court and sentenced to prison for
serious juvenile offenses, felonies against persons, and non-person
offenses. This segment of juveniles has the highest level of need
for treatment; yet, only 37 percent of juvenile correctional facilities
provide SUD treatment. A national review of institution-based
therapeutic programs found that there were 252 such programs
in state prisons and jails but only six were reported in facilities for
22
juveniles. Most other juvenile institutions offered only basic drug and
alcohol education programs, although 42 percent offer voluntary
self-help programs (e.g., AA, NA), and 5 percent offer detoxification.
Cognitive behavioral therapies, although not inventoried nationally,
are increasingly used in juvenile correctional facilities in most states.
These include manual-driven variations of cognitive behavioral
therapy, such as aggression replacement training and moral
reconation therapy. Such programs have not only been well received
by both staff and juveniles but have demonstrated effectiveness
equal to that of therapeutic communities.
Community-based programs
For moderate to serious juvenile offenders with low risk of violence,
substance abuse treatment is increasingly being provided in
community-based residential settings that range from state
operated secure facilities, to staff secure or open residential
treatment centers. These settings range in capacity from six to over
100 residents. They are primarily treatment focused as compared
to institutional programs that focus on security and behavioral
compliance. In addition to therapeutic communities, therapeutic
boarding schools are considered evidence-based residential
options. Although a shift has occurred toward shorter durations of
residential treatment (driven primarily by cost containment) this may
be counterproductive, because time and treatment remains the
most significant predictors of positive outcomes. Also, the National
Institute on Drug Abuse has identified 90 days as a benchmark for
minimal effective duration; empirical wisdom consistently supports
stays of nine to 18 months.
There is a heightened recognition of the need for, and benefits of,
working with families, community-based programs for juveniles
including evidence-based treatments such as functional family
therapy, multidimensional family therapy, and multisystemic therapy,
brief motivational interventions, cognitive behavioral therapy, and
contingency management for youth substance use disorders.
It has become increasingly clear that simply locking a kid up is
not the answer and that locking him or her up with no services to
address his or her issues of substance use and their corresponding
problems is not the answer; nor is locking up non-violent/offending
youth the answer. The answer is, whenever possible, communitybased treatment.
References provided upon request.
Fred Dyer, PhD., CADC, is an internationally recognized speaker,
trainer, author and consultant who services juvenile justice/detention/
residential programs, child welfare/foster care agencies, child and
adolescent residential facilities, mental health facilities and adolescent
substance abuse prevention programs in the areas of implementation
and utilization of evidence-based, gender-responsive, culturally
competent, and developmentally and age appropriate practices. He
can be reached at www.dyerconsulting.org.
February 8-11, 2015
Naples Grande Beach, Naples, FL
The Conference for Addiction Executives and Leaders
The aXis conference focused on
the most current policy issues affecting our field. The opportunity
to engage with the thought leaders
in our business was invaluable.
-President/CEO, Treatment Facility
aXis was a great experience. It
offered the ability to network with
industry leaders in a casual environment. I loved the working sessions. Hearing what my peers are
doing, sharing the challenges and
opportunities was stimulating. I
will be back!
-Director of Strategic Development
aXis offers executive-level leadership and strategic guidance by
incorporating skill-building and direct intervention into challenges
organizations are currently facing. This is accomplished with peer
interaction, mentoring, and insights from industry experts. For its
first year in 2014, more than 400 addiction executives and leaders
met at aXis for this intensive 3-day “executive boot camp.”
aXis features a series of general sessions that provide an overview
of the challenges, strategies, and goals of the conference followed
by in-depth working academies focusing on three major tracks:
Executive and Administrative, Clinical Management, and
Marketing to Intake which encompasses Information Technology, Marketing/Sales and Community/Public Relations, Intake,
Eligibility Works, and Call Centers.
You and your peers will leave this intensive learning experience
with new perspectives on the changing healthcare environment,
leadership, business operations, and your role in shaping corporate
and industry direction in the addiction field.
For more information, visit www.axissummit.com. Registration begins Nov. 1, 2014.
aXis examines how to design and
implement forward-looking strategies that:
 Develop and sustain competitive advantage by





applying state-of-the-art management practices to
the delivery of care
Adopt and implement innovations to achieve organizational excellence and improve clinical/financial
outcomes and operational efficiencies
Build and sustain competitive advantage through
outcomes-informed treatment and recovery services
Proactively address the challenges, risks and opportunities presented by a changing competitive
environment
Contribute to your company’s growth at a more
strategic level
Capitalize on market opportunities
Event Partner
aXis brings together 40 addiction leaders to
serve as small group Facilitators in intimate
roundtable discussions to maximize your
team’s learning experience—
all in a beautiful environment.
aXis is a C4 Recovery Solutions, Inc., event. The mission of C4, a non-profit organization, is to improve the accessibility of addiction treatment, and to promote long-term recovery solutions. C4 uses 4 Cs - Collaboration, Convening, Conferencing, and Consultation to achieve its goals. Learn more at www.C4RecoverySolutions.org.
23
WAYSIDE HOUSE
EXPANDS IOP
Wayside House, an addiction recovery program for
women, by women in Delray Beach, has expanded
Intensive Outpatient Services to include daytime hours.
The expanded hours for Intensive Outpatient were added
to make it more convenient for women who are juggling
jobs or family matters, but are serious about recovery.
Wayside House has provided services for 40 years with
both residential and outpatient services. If an assessment
qualifies a woman for the IOP program, she may now opt
for either morning or evening sessions to attend the eightweek program.
Hours now are Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday 6-9
p.m. or Monday, Thursday, and Friday 9 a.m. - noon.
Come to orientation on any Tuesday at 9:45 a.m. or call
for an appointment for assessment at 561.278.0055. Most
insurance is accepted for the IOP program and staff can
help determine if your insurance does cover it at the time
of your assessment. For more information, email info@
waysidehouse.net
By Mel Pohl, MD, FASAM
Continued from page 12
Alternative Approaches
Are there drug-free alternatives to pain recovery? Yes, and
discussing these with your patients will be very helpful as they
consider discontinuing opioid medications.
Treatment professionals’ responsibilities include advising patients
on how to assess whether these medications are helping or making
the patient’s life worse. This is the appropriate time to also present
alternatives to opioids. If a patient’s function is diminished, despite
some minimal pain relief, the better course of treatment may be
to wean down and eventually discontinue the medications under
medical supervision and find other ways to manage the pain. There
are a multitude of holistic mind-body-spirit techniques that can be
extremely effective.
A counselor can help support a doctor’s interest in the safest care
for a patient by promoting these drug-free treatment techniques
that may include cognitive behavioral therapies, motivational
interviewing, mindfulness practice, yoga, gentle stretching and
exercise programs.
If medication-free treatment is determined to be the best course
of care for a patient, he or she will need your support and
encouragement through the drug withdrawal process; while the
prescriber is likely to appreciate the support you will be providing to
optimize the patient’s outcome.
Mel Pohl, MD, FASAM is board certified in Family Practice, certified
by American Board of Addiction Medicine and Fellow of the
American Society of Addiction Medicine. He is the Medical Director
24
of Las Vegas Recovery Center. He is on the planning committee for
ASAM’s “Common Threads, Pain and Addiction” Course and cochair of ASAM’s Pain and Addiction Workgroup. He is a nationally
known speaker and co-authored Pain Recovery: How to Find
Balance and Reduce Suffering from Chronic Pain; Pain Recovery
for Families: How to Find Balance When Someone Else’s Chronic
Pain Becomes Your Problem Too and A Day without Pain. His new
book from Da Capo Books, The Pain Antidote -Stop Suffering from
Chronic Pain, Avoid Addiction to Painkillers, and Reclaim Your Life
will be out next spring.
To Untitled-4
Advertise,
Call 561-910-1943
1
25
10/7/14 3:28 PM
BRING A FRIEND AND JOIN US
Webster defines “Stigma” as: a set of negative and often unfair
beliefs that a society or group of people have about something.
Persons in recovery from addiction experience the unjust impact
of stigma. South Florida is ripe with debate over “…those
people living in our single family neighborhoods”. It’s easy
to climb up on a high horse and decry how unfair and counterproductive society is when making presumptions about any group
of neighbors. Be honest; doesn’t it even feel good to express
righteous indignation from time to time? A cathartic exercise in
futility; but oddly refreshing. However; when we finish our tirades
and get focused on the fact that the problem of stigma remains,
it becomes clear that we must take thoughtful action to change
those perceptions one single mind at a time. How can we, each
The REEL Recovery Film Festival is an ideal opportunity to
do just that. Invite a neighbor, friend or acquaintance to join you
for entertaining education that will provide you both with greater
clarity. This is the second consecutive year the event will be
hosted at the Movies of Delray located at 7421 West Atlantic
Avenue, Delray Beach. Florida. The co-hosts have added an
additional component this year. FARR organized six life skill
presentations focused on topics of particular interest to persons
in recovery. All are welcome to attend. Each forty-five (45) minute
workshop is sponsored by a FARR Partner in Excellence and
presented by the affiliated organization. To learn all the details,
please visit www.farronline.org and select the REEL Recovery
Film Festival under events in the lower left section of our landing
page. The film and workshop schedule is listed below.
one of us, contribute to that change in order that our broader
community might be restored to a more sane and effective belief
system? The majority of Floridians readily accept that addiction is
a powerfully destructive force that respects no boundaries. So how
can you, an individual, take specific actions to help erase common
misconceptions held by those who want those people out of their
neighborhoods? Acknowledge their fears and educate them. Show
them evidence that addiction is their problem too; affecting them
in multiple ways. Demonstrate that recovery from addiction is truly
possible and is happening right here in your community. Illustrate
how recovery positively impacts that community. Stigma thrives
on ignorance and fear. Shine the bright light of truth and it will
gradually disappear back into the darkness from which it came.
but it was more like a bunch of flashing yellow lights -- like, I was
headed in this dangerous direction with my life and I needed to watch
out. The film helped me realize that. I checked into rehab soon after.
PH: So you think these films might get people to reevaluate their
habits?
LB: Absolutely. That’s why we’ve got slides, treatment info and
brochures. The festival could turn out to be somebody’s unplanned
self-intervention! I have no doubt that some drug addict will wander
into one of these screenings and hang out with 100 sober people
who are doing well and think, “Wow, these people are glowing.”
Because back when I was using, I didn’t even know those people
existed; I didn’t know anybody who was sober. But if I had wandered
into this festival, I might have thought, “Hey, look at all these people!
They look like me. They’re creative and smart... and they’re sober.
In an interview conducted before the 2012 New York Reel Recovery Who knew it was possible?”
Film Festival hosted by Phoenix House, festival creator Leonard
Bushnell addressed a few questions that seem particularly relevant FARR is honored to co-host this event with Floridians for
Recovery, a 501(c) (3) non-profit dedicated to supporting
to the 2014 REEL Recovery Film Festival co-hosted by Floridians
the recovery community. The REEL Recovery Film Festival
for Recovery (FFR) and the Florida Association of Recovery
Residences (FARR) in Delray Beach, FL at the Movies of Delray on is an excellent opportunity for all to become better educated
regarding both addiction and recovery. Presented by Writers in
West Atlantic Avenue, November 7th & 8th.
Treatment (W.I.T), the REEL Recovery Film Festival is a multiPH: Do you think this festival has a capacity to change hearts and
day celebration of film, the arts, writing and creativity. Showcasing
minds, to remove the stigma surrounding addiction and treatment? filmmakers who make honest films about addiction, alcoholism,
LB: Yes, I would hope so. That’s always the sub-goal here: reducing behavioral disorders, treatment and recovery, organizers have slated
stigma. People in recovery bring other folks to these films, people
an eclectic lineup of contemporary and classic films, documentaries
who are just interested in film take a look at the schedule and it’s
and shorts from American and international, first-time filmmakers
also attractive to folks who are still in the active stages of addiction.
and industry veterans. Writers in Treatment (W.I.T) is a 501(c) (3)
Look at me: before I got sober in the mid-1990s I went to see that
nonprofit organization grounded in the Arts and Recovery fields.
Meg Ryan film, When a Man Loves a Woman, with my girlfriend.
W.I.T.’s primary purpose is to save lives through promoting and
Afterward she turned to me and said, “Well that’s you; you’re an
providing treatment as the best first step solution for addiction,
alcoholic.” It wasn’t like a red light went on in my head or anything,
alcoholism and other self-destructive behaviors.
Time
Noon
1:00PM
1:30PM
2:50PM
3:10PM
3:45PM
5:10PM
6:20PM
8:05PM
9:35PM
Time
10:00AM
11:45AM
1:00PM
1:20PM
2:00PM
3:15PM
4:00PM
4:25PM
6:05PM
7:55PM
9:40PM
26
FRIDAY NOVEMBER 7, 2014
Movies and Workshops
Length Description
45
Presented by: Autumn Raab, Certified Holistic Health Coach
Workshop: Tools for Living Clean
Caleb's Gift
14
Film: About a vet and his estranged son
45
Presented by Gaynelle Gosselin, Certified Alexander Technique Trainer
Workshop: Taming the Tension Tiger
Maybe Me
13
Film: PTSD addicts die young
How to Touch a Hot Stove
23
Film: addresses stigma
45
Presented by Louisa McQueeney - a navigator with Florida CHAIN
Workshop: Navigating Healthcare Enrollment
Easy Silence
28
Film: set in the south; a baby daddy KIA and family impact
Grace
92
Film: Alcoholism with South Beach scenes
No Kidding, Me Too
75
Film: with Joe Pantoliano addressing mental health stigma
American Addict 1
89
SATURDAY NOVEMBER 8, 2014
Movies and Workshops
Length Description
Do You Think I'm Pretty?
102
Film: Award winning
45
Presented by: Brittney Ringersen of YPR (Young People in Recovery)
Workshop: YPR-The Four Pillars
Sweetness
15
Film: two lovers torn by alcoholism
Blackout
15
Film: Musician's story
45
Presented by: Eric Dresdale, CEO of The Next Step Card
Workshop: Money Management in Recovery
The Holding Cell
34
Film: Set in Sarasota
You are Not Alone
12
Film: "Kids in the Spotlight"
45
Michael Clinch of Life of Purpose Center (FAU)
Workshop: Recovery U: Collegiate Recovery
The Wisdom to Know the Difference
114
Film: Multiple awards at San Antonio Film Festival
A Royal Hangover
101
Film: Featuring Russell Brand
Thanks for Sharing
113
Film: Featuring Gwyneth Paltrow and Tim Robbins
Kelly V. Landers P.A.
CriminAl Law
(561) 655-4495
(855) FIND-KELLY
DUI
DRUG OFFENSES
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
WWW.KELLYLANDERS.COM
27
THE LOSS OF A CHILD
a few words were unfavorable. Either way, my wife and I were
encouraged by the willingness of others to connect with us during
our time of heartache.
GRIEF
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
~ C. S. Lewis
Loss has no friend, no allies, and no benefit to the human spirit.
The loss of a child exploits the emotions of each individual it
encounters. “Everyone suffers loss in different ways depending
upon their beliefs, culture, family history, and relationship with the
person who died. It doesn’t mean that others care less if they mourn
differently than you do. Grief can also vary greatly depending upon
how the child died. While some losses are less visible, such as
miscarriage, other experiences of loss are more traumatic, such as
an accident, illness, murder or death during war.”
The loss of a child is a heart wrenching experience. If you have
encountered such a loss, you will relate to the fact that no words
bring complete comfort to the pain that lies dormant within the
interior of your person. The loss of a child is liken to a scar, while
the wound has already occurred, the reminder remains with you
throughout the entirety of your life.
Unfortunately, in some families the loss of a child will not be the
only loss experienced. For some parents, the indescribable pain is
too much for the couple to endure, thus leading to ultimate demise
of the relationship.
As an individual, you are entitled to your time of grief, process
of grief, and right to grieve. You should not be forced to call an
end to your grief. The grieving process should have no timelines
or guidelines. It is seldom that two individuals grieve identically.
The process of grief and loss is as unique as your personal DNA
(deoxyribonucleic acid); no two individuals will have the same
experiences or relationship to grief. Most importantly, it is of critical
importance that you be allowed to grieve and process the loss of
your child.
NORMAL GRIEF REACTIONS
“Unfortunately, there is no expiration date on grief.”
~ Elizabeth Czukas
The process of grieving any loss is dependent upon your
relationship to the person. However, the age of the individual
whose life was cut short will often affect your perspective on the
loss. The reactions to grief will vary as does the process of grief
and loss. The following grief and loss reactions are some of the
most common, but not an absolute measure or determination of
one’s reactions to grief and loss.
1. Do not be dismayed if you cannot concentrate.
2. You may feel sudden and uncontrollable emotions.
3. It is very common for those who have experienced loss to feel
as they are “going crazy”.
4. Do not feel bad if you are experiencing elevated feelings of
anxiousness or stress.
5. As a parent, you may feel extreme remorse and guilt over
outliving your child.
6. You may, and most certainly will, experience times of lethargy
(fatigue, a lack of energy and personal motivation).
7. For many parents, you may feel misunderstood, or that your
grieving process lacks empathy.
8. Parents often have a strong desire to escape.
9. You may feel as though you are an alien, living isolated from
28
your known world.
10.For many parents, the rejection or questioning of one’s faith and
spiritual belief system may occur.
11.Parents often feel bitterness towards the medical and scientific
communities.
12.It is very common to have dreams that your loss was simply a
dream.
While the above is a list of some of the normal experiences around
grief and loss, it is not an absolute or an exhaustive list of the
related experiences and expressions of normal grief and loss.
CHERISHING AND KEEPING THE POSITIVE MEMORIES ALIVE
“When those you love die, the best you can do is honor their
spirit for as long as you live. You make a commitment that
you’re going to take whatever lesson that person or animal
was trying to teach you, and you make it true in your own life...
it’s a positive way to keep their spirit alive in the world, by
keeping it alive in yourself.”
~ Patrick Swayze, The Time of My Life
Whatever stage you have lost a child; whether you have lost a child
during a pregnancy, youth or into adulthood; the loss remains the
same. The loss is an intolerable experience that words, nor deeds,
are capable of eliminating.
As parents and family members, we must keep the positive
memories alive. Do not avoid talking about your loved one; rather
take joy in the positive memories associated with the person who
you have lost.
ANCHORING ONE ANOTHER
“All you need is one safe anchor to keep you grounded when
the rest of your life spins out of control.”
~ Katie Kacvinsky
Whether you are the parent, a sibling, an extended family member,
or friend; it is important to offer and be supported through your time
of grief. Grief can decay the soul; therefore it is essential that you
do not avoid reaching out for support or offering your support for
another.
“As the shock of the loss fades, there is a tendency on the part of
the griever to feel more pain and sadness. Well-meaning friends
may avoid discussing the subject due to their own discomfort with
grief or their fear of making the person feel bad. As a result, people
who are grieving often feel more isolated or lonely in their grief.
People who are grieving are likely to fluctuate between wanting
some time to themselves and wanting closeness with others. They
may want someone to talk to about their feelings. Below are some
ways that you can help a friend experiencing loss.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Be a good (and active) listener
Ask about their feelings
Just sit with them
Share your feelings
Ask about their loss
Remember the loss
Make telephone calls
Acknowledge the pain
Let them feel sad
Be available when you can
Do not minimize grief
Talk about your own losses”
Send friendly and supportive texts and emails
WHAT IS A LEVEL 4 TRANSITIONAL CARE HOUSE?
Sunset House is currently classified as a level 4 transitional care house,
according to the Department of Children and Families criteria regarding
such programs. This includes providing 24 hour paid staff coverage seven
days per week, requires counseling staff to never have a caseload of
more than 15 participating clients. Sunset House maintains this licensure
by conducting three group therapy sessions per week as well as one
individual counseling session per week with qualified staff. Sunset House
provides all of the above mentioned services for $300.00 per week. This
also includes a bi-monthly psychiatric session with Dr. William Romanos
for medication management. Sunset House continues to be a leader in
affordable long term care and has been providing exemplary treatment in
the Palm Beach County community for over 18 years.
As a Level 4 facility Sunset House is appropriate for persons who have
completed other levels of residential treatment, particularly levels 2 and
3. This includes clients who have demonstrated problems in applying
recovery skills, a lack of personal responsibility, or a lack of connection
to the world of work, education, or family life. Although clinical services
are provided, the main emphasis is on services that are low-intensity
and typically emphasize a supportive environment. This would include
services that would focus on recovery skills, preventing relapse, improving
emotional functioning, promoting personal responsibility and reintegrating
the individual into the world of work, education, and family life.
In conjunction with DCF, Sunset House also maintains The American
Society of Addiction Medicine or ASAM criteria. This professional society
aims to promote the appropriate role of a facility or physician in the care of
patients with a substance use disorder. ASAM was created in 1988 and is
an approved and accepted model by The American Medical Association
and looks to monitor placement criteria so that patients are not placed in
a level of care that does not meet the needs of their specific diagnosis, in
essence protecting the patients with the sole ethical aim to do no harm.
29
THE LOSS OF A CHILD
• Do not avoid discussing the positive stories
• Allow yourself to be an anchor and anchored by others
• Most importantly, be available and approachable
As an individual, I can attest to the strength of an anchor. An
anchor is not only a support, but it is an individual who provides
stability and confidence in an otherwise volatile and unpredictable
environment. My anchor was and is, my wife. I too have always
tried proving a positive and supportive anchor for my wife, my love
and my best-friend. An anchor is not perfect, rather is striving for
a state of being free, or as free as possible from the problems of
this life. An anchor is not only supportive during the calm times,
but rather the most difficult ones. Anchors learn to support, to
uplift and to help guide down the paths of health, wellness, and
happiness. In my personal and professional opinion, happiness
is neither giddiness nor silliness; rather true happiness is a peace
that passes all understanding. Therefore, an anchor is someone
who helps to see beyond the problems and transitions of this
life. My anchor has helped me to help her. An anchor should
be someone who is personally open and willing to communicate.
During times of loss, communication is the key to one’s recovery.
Without healthy and clear communication, the tides will rise and
the storms will overcome. Let me be clear, anchors are not perfect,
but rather, are helpful for guiding, supporting, and offering positive
encouragement. Most importantly, anchors must remember, not
only are they support for others, but they too must create supports
and fortifications within their own lives. My wife and I continue to
learn that we are not only our best advocates and allies, but it is
through our personal advocacy, we have learned to be advocates
and supports for others.
THE HEALING PROCESS
“Respect your needs and limitations as you work through your
grief and begin to heal.”
~ American Pregnancy Association
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Allow yourself to heal.
Do not punish yourself for surviving.
Live your life as you may have expected your loved one to live
his or her own life.
“Reach out to those closest to you. Ask for understanding,
comfort and support.
Seek counseling to help both yourself and your partner. You
don’t have to face this alone.
Allow yourself plenty of time to grieve and the opportunity to
remember.”
Avoid making any hasty or sudden changes, such as selling
your home or quitting your job.
Consider taking time for yourself and making time for your
partner.
“Being respectful and sensitive of each other’s needs and
feelings.
Sharing your thoughts and emotions by keeping
communication lines open.
Accepting differences and acknowledging each other’s
coping styles.”
Do not overwhelm yourself by taking on new tasks,
assignments, or projects.
Always remember, that you are not alone. There are others who
are trained to offer support and guidance through the process
of your grief. “Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or making the
memories insignificant. Healing means refocusing.” Healing is an
opportunity to cherish in the life and relationship. Moreover, healing
is a combination of the good with the bad. Allow yourself to heal
and to be well.
30
References provided upon request
Dr. Asa Don Brown is an author, professor, clinician, advocate,
and an inspirational and motivational speaker. He has achieved
the merits of a PhD in Psychology with a Specialization in Clinical
Psychology; a Master’s of Science; and a Bachelor’s of Science.
He currently serves as an Advisory Board Member at the Brain
Technology & Neuroscience Research Centre, BTNRC; has
served as the Bylaws and Ethics Director for the Washington
Counseling Association; as well as having served as the Director
of Promotions for The Society for the Arts in Dementia Care. Of
the many accolades and recognitions, Dr. Brown has been named
a Global Presence Ambassador, an arm of Parenting 2.0; a
Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress;
a Canadian Certified Counsellor of the Canadian Counselling
and Psychotherapy Association; and a Diplomate of the National
Center for Crisis Management.He has a bimonthly column with
the Canadian Counselling & Psychotherapy Association and has
published two books in recent years: Waiting to Live, 2010 and The
Effects of Childhood Trauma on Adult Perception and Worldview,
2008. Visit his website at www.asadonbrown.com
By Courtesy of the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy
Association and Dr. Asa Don Brown. For more information about
the Canadian Counseling and Psychotherapy Association visit:
www.ccpa-accp.ca
TAKING THE FIRST STEP: THE
TRANSFORMATION BEGINS HERE
AND NOW
By Larry Smith, CAS III
overwhelmingly large task in truth, the seemingly small choices
we make in our daily routines determines rather we plow through
the storm or we avoid the storm entirely.
We must allow recovery to flow through us and share what we learn
when we learn it. As we find fragments of peace on the path to
transformation, we must capture that peace and make a home for it
in our hearts and souls.
This peace comes through internalizing God’s omnipotence and
omnipresence, and by completely surrendering our will to God’s
will. We should constantly remind ourselves that God’s will is for us
to be happy, joyous and free in this world so we can claim eternal
happiness in the next. We have free will during our brief time on
earth, but in eternity, God’s will is all there is.
Larry Smith is a certified addiction counselor, lecturer, public
speaker and author. He has published a goal setting and journaling
book for people in recovery, Captain Larry Smith’s Daily Life Plan
Journal. When Larry is not counseling, he flies 747s for a major
international commercial airline. He is a retired Air Force Fighter
Pilot and has accumulated over 20,000 hours of flying time. Larry
is an Airline Pilots Association Rep and volunteers with his airline’s
Employee Assistance Program. In that capacity, he works with the
FAA and medical doctors to assist pilots with addiction problems
through a rigorous re-certification process. Larry is also certified in
EEG Neurofeedback. His presentations ‘Reclaiming Your Hijacked
Brain’ and ‘Learning to Be Happy’ have been presented at state and
national seminars.
ToUntitled-2
Advertise,
Call 561-910-1943
1
31
7/10/14 12:52 PM
Dave: Yes, there were 2.One I liked and the other I didn’t. I have
learned that your experiences- good, bad or ugly are what make
you. No person is without conflict, but how you deal with those
conflicts is what determines who you are.
bad for my mother either .She also died. I have learned to forgive. I
have even gone to Firefighting school to become a fireman. I now wear
the same badge as my father from the same fire department # 1522-A.
Patricia: What is your advice for children living with someone abusing
drugs or alcohol, or living with someone who is abusing them?
Dave: I want to be known as the guy with the resiliency, not the guy
that was abused. It was Nietzsche who said” that which doesn’t
kill you makes you stronger”. I believe this article is a good thing
because if it helps to help the next child who is experiencing living
with an alcoholic/drug addict parent then I have accomplished my
goal. I will continue telling my story over and over because sadly
enough there are thousands of “it’s” in this country.
Dave: You have to give yourself permission to be strong and get the
help you need. That is no way for anyone to live, and hopefully with
help, the family will get well too.
Patricia: Is there anything you would like to share with my readers?
Dave: Yes, before I do anything, I shower, shave, do my hair and
get on my knees sand pray the Lord’s Prayer toward the light- I say
“god give me strength, use me as a vessel and please don’t let me
screw up and if I do don’t let anyone notice.
Patricia: Sounds a little like the serenity prayer –lol
Dave: a little modified –lol
Patricia: Do you ever see your father or talk to him?
Dave: I did. I learned to forgive him years ago. My dad was homeless.
The one thing I really wanted to do for him was buy him a house.
Unfortunately, my father died in 1980 of cancer so I never was able to
do that. He died a broken man. He was very disheveled. I didn’t wish
Patricia: What message are you trying to spread?
Patricia: I understand you have another book out. Please tell us
what that book is about.
Dave: The name of it is “Too Close to Me”. It provides an honest
and courageous look at the difficulties inherent in marriage,
parenthood, work, and life from the perspective of someone who
survived horrific physical and emotional terrors as a child—and
who seeks to meet the responsibilities and complications of adult
life with love, strength, and an open heart.
Patricia: Sounds like another bestseller! Thank you so much for
allowing me to interview you. It was really a pleasure speaking with you.
Dave: Likewise.
By Terence T. Gorski
the euphoric effect they want. Sometimes they use in moderation
without getting into trouble or doing anything that they are ashamed
or embarrassed about later. At other times, however, they lose
control, use more than they intended to use, and keep using for
longer periods than they planned. Sometimes they miss important
events because they lose track of time. Their judgment is impaired so
they do things while drinking and drugging that they never intended
to do. As a result, they start having problems and feeling guilty and
ashamed. This starts to happen more often, but there are still times
when they can use without losing control and getting into trouble.
As the alcohol and drug-related problems become more severe,
addicted people start to get scared, but are still having some good
times. They become conflicted. A part of them thinks they might
have a problem and should cut back or stop. Another part of them
remembers how good it feels to use and how many times they have
used in the past without getting into trouble.
They start having difficulty thinking clearly and avoid talking about
their alcohol and other drug use or related problems whenever
possible. If someone asks them about it or points out the problems
they are having they get uncomfortable, change the subject, or tell
outright lies. This is the beginning of serious problems with denial.
At this stage addicted people begin avoiding sober and responsible
people who tell them the truth. They start surrounding themselves
with people who use alcohol and other drugs frequently and heavily.
When they do have problems they deny them or rationalize them
away. They start making solemn promises to themselves and others
to stop, cut back, and to clean up their act. “I’ll never get that drunk
or stoned again,” they promise themselves. They never define
exactly how much is “that much.” Therefore, when it happens again,
they can rationalize the problem away. Then they forget about it,
and forget that they forgot. This creates the illusion that the problem
never happened. In reality, however, the problems are happening
and they are getting worse.
Finally, addiction moves into the Late (Chronic) Stages that are
32
marked by progressive physical, psychological, and social
deterioration. Late stage addicts start having serious alcohol
and other drug-related health problems that keep getting worse.
Psychologically, they are constantly feeling cravings, drug-induced
euphoria, intoxication, anger, fear, guilt, shame, and pain. They
don’t want to think or talk about their addiction so they push other
people away and start isolating themselves. If their friends or family
gets concerned, they brush them off, tell them some convenient
lies, and give them the clear message to mind their own business.
They try to stop but can’t stay stopped. This destroys their
self-confidence and self-worth. They start feeling ashamed
of themselves and go underground. They try to hide what is
happening, but by this time they are having serious physical,
psychological, and social problems that are starting to catch up
with them. They are having serious problems on the job or at
school. The cost of maintaining their addiction is causing serious
financial problems. They may also be having legal problems such
as being caught drinking or drugging on the job, getting arrested for
driving under the influence, or possessing and using illegal drugs.
Prescription drug addicts use more than prescribed and start using
more than one doctor to get the same prescription or they order
additional medication on the Internet.
The problems keep getting worse until one of four things happens:
(1) They die as a result of alcohol or other drug-related illness,
violence, or accidents; (2) They commit suicide to end the pain, (3)
They get put in jail or committed to a mental institution; or (4) They
get into recovery from addiction.
References provided upon request.
Terence T. Gorski is the Founder and President, The CENAPS
Corporation. He is an internationally recognized expert on substance
abuse, mental health, violence, & crime. He is best known for his
contributions to relapse prevention, managing chemically dependent
offenders and developing community-based teams for managing
the problems of alcohol, drugs, violence, and crime. He is a prolific
author and has published numerous books and articles.
33
FROM DEFIANCE TO RELIANCE: MY JOURNEY INTO RECOVERY!
By Tom Bello
What Was It Like?
My earliest recollection of my childhood memories were those
of fear, loneliness, emptiness and an ever present sense of
impending doom. I lived with the fear that something bad was
going to happen to me or someone that I loved. As an eight year
old boy I remember being filled with fear and loneliness. Sadly, I
spent most of my childhood (and adult life) living this way.
At the age of twelve I discovered alcohol. That was the beginning
of the end of any type of normal life for me for the next four
decades.
To this day, I can recall exactly how awful that first hangover felt. I
was shaking, I was nauseous, I had a headache and guess what...
I could not wait to do it again!
The more I drank the thirstier I became; I later learned later this
was known as the phenomenon of “craving.”
As my drinking continued I began to experience “blackouts”. I
would get so drunk that I could not remember some/most of the
events from the night before. This was a sure sign that my disease
was indeed progressing. My troubles began escalating resulting in
trips to the ER and being hospitalized.
And then my life dramatically changed directions. At 21, I stopped
drinking, had a religious conversion, found a beautiful girl to marry
and studied for the ministry. I obtained a Degree in Ministerial
Studies, became an ordained Minister and pastored several
churches. Then we were blessed with three beautiful children;
Amber, Tony and Brittany! I just knew that my troubles were over.
What Happened!
Fast forward to age 33; I stayed dry (abstained from drinking
alcohol) for a period of about 12 years. Although I did not have a
drink in years; surely being older and wiser I thought I could handle
having an occasional drink.
I was no longer pastoring a church because I was restless,
irritable and discontented. (This is a description of the disease of
alcoholism right out of the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous).
After 12 years of being “dry” (not sober, just dry) there came a day
that I had a drink. I had another drink the next day and my drinking
continued virtually every day for the next 12 years!
September 14, 2003- The Day That Changed My Life Forever
I stopped at a neighborhood pub, drank heavily and then headed to
my home less than a mile from the bar. A few minutes later I was in
a four car accident, which I caused.
Filled with fear and realizing what I had done I regrettably fled the
scene of the accident. I was arrested a short time later and my
blood alcohol level registered at a whopping .299; nearly four times
the legal limit of 08.
When my son Tony and daughter Brittany heard that I had been in an
accident they rushed to the hospital to see me. What they saw was
their father handcuffed to a hospital bed with a police officer seated at
the foot of the bed. I would give anything if I could erase that picture
frozen in their memories but that is something that I can never do.
I was booked in the county jail. My wife had forewarned me that at
some point my drinking would put her and our children in jeopardy
and now that prophesy had come to fruition. She did not utter one
word on the drive home, she did not need to. A short time later she
filed for a divorce.
What Is It Like Now?
Filled with shame and humiliation the very next day I went to my
first 12 Step Meeting. I got a sponsor and began to work the 12
steps. For the first time I learned that alcoholism/addiction is a
34
treatable disease. It is not a will power or sin issue. It is not a
character issue but it is a disease. I learned there was a solution, a
way out of my miserable life.
Here’s how my first 90 days in recovery looked: My wife moved
forward on the divorce, my Mother passed away, I was fired from
my job and the DA filed felony charges relating to the DUI accident.
Things were getting worse!
While the external circumstances of my life were seemingly
spiraling out of control an amazing, remarkable event happened.
In the midst of all the losses and all the tears and all the regrets I
began to gradually feel good on the inside. Impossible!
I was told that a 12 step program is about an ‘inside job’ living life
from the inside out not the outside in. I learned that connecting
to my Higher Power whom I call God was the vital necessary
ingredient for feeling good. The step work process showed me
exactly how my character defects had been blocking me from the
peace I so desperately sought.
It was in a 12 step room when the scales fell from my eyes and I
began to see clearly. I finally discovered my real problem, that guy
in the mirror.
In my first ninety days of sobriety and for the very first time in my
life, the obsession to drink alcohol was lifted from me. Suddenly,
amazingly, miraculously I was not thinking about drinking alcohol.
I searched my entire life to find ways to fill that hole in my soul. I tried
alcohol, people, money, career success, therapy, religion but nothing
could fill the hole inside of me. Nothing worked until I embraced the
spiritual solution offered in a 12 step program. Incidentally, I just
picked up my 11 year medallion last month but I do not take credit for
my recovery. I am grateful to the One who has all power.
Ernest Hemingway said it best for me “life breaks all of us; some of
us heal in the broken places’.
A 12 step program saved my life and my recovery has proven to
be an ongoing process and not an event. My life continues to get
better every day and I truly believe the most satisfactory years of
my existence lie ahead.
Today I work in a treatment center where I have the opportunity
to help those who suffer as I did. I share a solution with them
that really works. I feel both blessed and thankful for this second
chance at life.
Tom Bello is in Community Relations for Transformations
Treatment Center in Delray Beach, Florida
([email protected]) and can be heard on
Transformations Radio Saturday mornings at 10:00 am on
WFTL 850 AM.
Corporate and Professional Staff
Development Tools to
Grow Your Business
The Twelve Steps
for Everyone . . .
who really wants them
Jerry Hirschfield, Ph.D.
Corporate coaching helps leaders to think and plan more
strategically. Let us help you design systems and
infrastructures that ensure efficient processes. Let your
business grow and become a long term fixture in your
community.
Corporate coaches can...
• Help you create and enhance vision & mission statements.
• Increase sales, productivity, improved communication,
increased staff retention.
• Assist in developing organizational strengths
• Create cultural competency plans
• Develop corporate staff training
• Grant writing contract negotiation
• Develop group dynamics and team building
• Prepaire for pre-site visitations
• Develop programs and implement
policies and procedures
• Contract compliance and accountability
• Develop writing policies that work
• Marketing and system collaboration
PO Box 18745
brainstorming
West Palm Beach, Florida 33416
• Build networks and collaborations
1-888-90-Coach | 561-642-3103
SilvernailConsultantServices.com
A classic Twelve Step book
to help you tame your wild
emotions after sobriety
begins.
The Twelve Steps of
Alcoholics Anonymous adapted for anyone
who has a problem with their emotions: anger,
depression, anxiety, control, self-esteem...
More than one half - million copies sold
“Thank you for helping me to see the light. Your book has
brought me to a whole new awareness in finding the truth
within, where once there was only darkness.”
— Paul D., Hollywood, Florida
Quality Paperback – $13.95 – ISBN 978-156838-047-6
HI Productions-Florida www.hiconnections.com
Books for Your Soul
Order at www.hazelden.org or www.amazon.com
or call Hazelden at 1-800-328-9000
35
THE POWER OF ENERGY HEALING FOR ADDICTIVE DISORDERS
By Douglas Schooler, PhD and Inneta Kantor, M.A.
Right now as you read these words you are most likely
experiencing an illusion so strong, so powerful, that I might not be
able to convince you it is not true. What is it? It’s the false idea that
we live in a world of solid matter. The chair you may be sitting on
appears solid; the floor you walk on appears hard. But we actually
live in a world of vibrating energy and some of that energy vibrates
at frequencies that make things appear solid. But as biologist Bruce
Lipton points out in his interesting book The Honeymoon Effect,
everything we see, everything we touch, everything we are is pure
energy. To students of yoga, tai chi, chi gong, or other Eastern
arts this is just old news. But to most of us the truths discovered by
quantum physics have revolutionized the way we understand our
world and the universe.
Energy healing targets the interface between the Universal
energy and the personal energy. The energy practitioner guides
the Universal energy so it has maximum beneficial effect on the
personal energy and the atoms of the body.”
Working with life force energy or the human energy field, variously
known as chi, ki, prana, is as old as the ancient mystic masters and
as new as the field of epigenetics, as old as Tai Chi and as new as
the discovery of the quantum field.
What are the possible benefits of energy healing?
For millennia humans have sensed the significance of energy in
healing, but perhaps because energy is largely invisible, Western
healing arts have emphasized what can be seen and touched chemicals and surgery.
Over the past century discoveries in quantum physics have
renewed attention to energy, since all is energy. Working with
energy (variously known as energy medicine, energy healing, and
energy balancing) are beginning to impact conventional medical
and mental health treatment. What does energy work have to offer
in the treatment of addiction? To answer that I consulted Inneta
Kantor, a practitioner of Energy Healing beyond Reiki:
What attracted you to energy healing?
“Growing up in Russia, where energy work is part of the culture,
I discovered that I had a special talent for sensing energy. As a
classically trained musician I used this skill in teaching my piano
and vocal students with remarkable benefits as well as healing
family and friends. The next step was to get formal training in Reiki.
What are the different types of energy healing?
There are numerous approaches to energy healing, some of
which are listed in The Honeymoon Effect. Some approaches rely
on the stimulation of energy points on the body using needles
(acupuncture) or tapping (Thought Field Therapy, Emotional
Freedom Techniques, Body Talk). Using the hands either lightly
touching or hovering over the body, Healing Touch, Therapeutic
Touch, and Reiki have documented success in healing and many
nurses use these techniques daily with amazing results. Other
approaches focus on the energy vortices (chakras). Still, others
manipulate the human aura, the field of energy extending beyond
the body. Various forms of ‘meditation’ are emphasized by some
approaches. Different techniques have one common goal: to get
the energy of the cells, molecules, and atoms of the body flowing
smoothly and powerfully.”
How is energy healing different from psychotherapy?
“Mental health treatment today consists mostly of “psychotherapy”
which primarily uses language to affect thoughts, feelings, and
behavior. The other major form of mental health treatment is
behavioral manipulation using rewards and penalties to affect
behavior, thoughts, and feelings.
Energy work relies on the fact that all thought, emotion and
behavior is ultimately regulated by energy. Picture the atoms in your
body vibrating and spinning like tiny tornadoes while at the same
time you are surrounded by and permeated by a sea of energy
as vast as the Universe. This Universal energy interacts with your
personal energy to produce everything that happens to you- your
health, your emotions, your thoughts and your behavior.
36
What are the ADVANTAGES of energy healing?
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Energy balancing is primarily non-verbal, it is beyond language.
Subconscious beliefs are modified automatically without effort
The client doesn’t need to do anything to benefit
The client doesn’t have to “believe” in the treatment for it to work
The deepest parts of mind and spirit are affected
It is non-invasive and non-toxic
It is very cost effective, requiring no equipment or medications
• Gets to the root of the issue(s) and contributes to the optimum
functioning of every system of the body, including the
cardiovascular, digestive system, nervous system, and even the
visual system.
• Creates deep relaxation and aids the body to release stress and
tension
• It accelerates the body’s self-healing abilities
• Aids better sleep
• Facilitates the breaking of addictive behavior patterns
• Helps ease physical discomfort
• Removes energy blockages, adjusts the energy flow of the
endocrine system bringing the body into balance and harmony
• Assists the body in cleaning itself from toxins
• Reduces some of the side effects of drugs and helps the body to
recover from drug therapy after surgery and chemotherapy
• Supports the immune system
• Increases vitality and postpones the aging process
• Raises the vibrational frequency of the body to stimulate the
body’s self-healing ability
• Helps spiritual growth and emotional clearing, and shift
Is there research evidence to support energy healing?
“There are hundreds of scientific articles on the benefits of energy
healing techniques. Simply search online.”
What are the benefits of energy healing in addictions?
“The addictive process involves every level of human functioningthe emotional, the mental, the behavioral, the physical, and the
spiritual. Energy work impacts each of these levels rapidly and
simultaneously, facilitating transformation at the deepest levels of
mind, body, and spirit. A person caught up in an addictive process
needs to change his world view, his belief system, and his behavior.
Psychotherapy and 12 Step programs have dominated addiction
treatment up to now and they do have their place. But it is time to
step out of the box. Every patient in addiction treatment should
have access to a variety of energy balancing approaches.
Dr. Doug Schooler is a Licensed Psychologist and Certified
Master Practitioner of Rapid Resolution Therapy. He maintains
an independent practice of psychology, The Center for Rapid
Resolution Therapy, in Boca Raton, providing treatment to all ages
since 1985 (www.DouglasSchooler.com). Before coming to Florida
he taught psychology at Eastern Michigan University. He graduated
from Queens College in 1964 and received his PhD in psychology
from the University of Rhode Island in 1976.
Inneta Kantor is the founder of Energy Healing beyond Reiki which
is based on her training in many energy balancing modalities
including Reiki. She was born in Moscow, Russia and trained in
classical piano and voice, performing as a soloist in Europe and the
United States, arriving here in 1981. (www.douglasschooler.com/
energy _healing _beyond_reiki)
ADVE RTISING OPPORTUNITIES
The Sober World is a free national online e-magazine as well as a printed publication. We use
an educational and informative approach as an outreach to parents, families, groups and others who
have loved ones struggling with addiction.
FOR ADVERTISING OPPORTUNITIES IN OUR MAGAZINE OR ON OUR WEBSITE,
PLEASE CONTACT PATRICIA AT 561-910-1943.
We invite you to visit our website at www.thesoberworld.com
You will find an abundance of helpful information from resources and services to important links,
announcements, gifts, books and articles from contributors throughout the country.
For our e-magazine, send your request to [email protected].
If you would like to submit an article for publication,
please contact [email protected] for further information.
Please visit us on Face Book at
The Sober World or Steven Sober-World
Visit online
Face Book at www.facebook.com/pages/The-Sober-World/445857548800036 or Steven Sober-World
Twitter at www.twitter.com/thesoberworld
LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/pub/patricia-rosen/51/210/955/
For more information contact Patricia at 561-910-1943
37
REMEMBERING THE LOST AND EMPOWERING THE LIVING
For National Recovery Month, Transforming Youth Recovery
hosted The Josh Montoya Beach Memorial to honor the memory
of lives lost to addiction. On September 27th, Southern California
community members gathered to raise awareness for this disease
and to publically commemorate the loss of loved ones.
As participants arrived to the beach they were given a brief tutorial
on flower design and were invited to draw a flower on the sand to
represent their loved one. Renowned artist, Andres Amador (www.
andresamadorarts.com) was commissioned to help those who
gathered create a giant, living memorial that covered the entire beach.
We created a flower to honor the memory of Steven Rosen,
Patricia Rosen’s son. Patricia is the Publisher of The Sober World
magazine. Here is Steven’s flower:
Josh, last year on February 15th to a drug overdose. Josh had
experienced several years of continued sobriety before he
relapsed. Josh was 29 years old.
Transforming Youth Recovery looks specifically at the community,
educational and peer networks that influence youth development and
achievement, and is both studying and conceiving novel approaches
that have the potential to dramatically expand family and schoolbased prevention, intervention and recovery support services.
The collegiate grant program began in 2012, and by the end of
2015 Transforming Youth Recovery will have awarded 100 seed
grants to colleges across the U.S. to start or enhance existing
student recovery programs on their campuses.
As part of these efforts, the web-based Capacitype mapping
platform was developed to help expand recovery support and
service for students struggling with addiction. The Capacitype
mapping system is a free, interactive service that allows anyone to
locate colleges that offer recovery programs in addition to a myriad
of recovery supports in their area, including youth-friendly sober
housing, recovery support meetings, treatment services and other
educational recovery services required to help students to thrive in
the fullness of the collegiate experience.
In less than two years, Transforming Youth Recovery has nearly
tripled the number of collegiate recovery efforts across the country.
By the end of 2015, Transforming Youth Recovery will have awarded
100 grants to colleges nationwide to fulfill their mission to educate
the public about addiction and recovery and to erase the social
stigma that blocks students and their families from seeking help.
Within the hour the entire beach was covered with flowers.
As the inner circle released 240 Monarch butterflies into the
air people shouted out the name of the people they wanted to
remember. The air was filled with the names of loved ones as the
butterflies filled the sky.
We said the Serenity Prayer as the sun set. It was a beautiful time
of remembering.
According to the Center for Disease Control, every day 113 people
die from a drug overdose in the U.S. Deaths from drug overdose
are now the leading cause of injury death, exceeding that of motor
vehicle accidents.
Drug addiction and overdose affects hundreds of thousands
of families. Stacie Mathewson, Founder of Transforming Youth
Recovery, (www.transformingyouthrecovery.org) lost her son
38
• Partial Hospitalization Programs, Intensive
Outpatient Programs for both substance abuse and
co-occurring disorders, and Out Patient Programs
• Clinical services are conducted exclusively by
master's level and PhD. clinicians specializing in
substance abuse treatment, trauma, and
co-occurring disorders
• Banyan Treatment Center now offers the newest
form of urgent addiction care; PHP stabilization
designed to allow clients to bridge the gap from
detox to intensive outpatient services without
unnecessary extended treatment episodes
• 24 hour admissions help line:
844-4Banyan (844-422-6926)
Tours for industry professionals, please contact
Taylor Glenn,
Director of Business Development
[email protected]
www.BanyanTreatmentCenter.com
950 N. Federal Highway
Pompano Beach, FL 33062
39
P.O. BOX 880175
BOCA RATON, FLORIDA 33488-0175
www.thesoberworld.com
The contents of this book may not be reproduced either in whole or in part without consent of publisher. Every effort has been made to include accurate data, however the publisher cannot be held liable for material content
or errors. This publication offers Therapeutic Services, Drug & Alcohol Rehabilitative services, and other related support systems. You should not rely on the information as a substitute for, nor does it replace professional
medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have any concerns or questions about your health, you should always consult with a physician or other health-care professional. Do not disregard, avoid or delay obtaining
medical or health related advice from your health care professional because of something you may have read in this publication. The Sober World LLC and its publisher do not recommend nor endorse any advertisers in
this magazine and accepts no responsibility for services advertised herein. Content published herein is submitted by advertisers with the sole purpose to aid and educate families that are faced with drug/alcohol and other
addiction issues and to help families make informed decisions about preserving quality of life.
40

INTERVIEW WITH DAVE PELZER THE LOSS OF A CHILD WHEN

Transcription

Similar documents

REEL-Recovery-Film-Festival - Lifeskills Of South Florida

Addictive Games and affect on our children

We are You-Speaker Series - Laguna Beach Unified School District

Childhood Obesity

June 2009 - EZSolution

Newsletter September 2014

press kit

Addiction Treatment Progress and Obstacles

Erica`s Story

win this cover!!! we`re raffling the original jim

The Most Personal Addiction by Joe Zychik copyright © 2002