issue 832 22 mar 1989

E
ISSUE 832
22 MAR 1989
s
e
Sirs,,
The apology to Dominic O ' K a n e has been made
t h r o u g h F E L I X a n d therefore I feel that there is
no more grounds for me to take legal action in
defence of his (and P A T A ' s ) interests.
I c ould take legal action o n similar grounds for
m y letter being o b v i o u s l y falsified (my English
is bad but understandable nevertheless) a n d m y
X-ray p h o t o g r a p h being disadvantageously
altered, to hide the fact that I am a h o m o sapiens
sapiens (twice) of height l m 6 0 .
A s for your operator's allergy, I w i s h to defend
mvself: m y ambition was to create a regular
c o l u m n ('Saridakis' Letter') w i t h i n y o u letters
s e c t i o n , to p r o m o t e a c o m m o n sense (a
nonsensical, depending on a scientist's definition
of 'sense') approach to College life.
Y o u are c o m p l a i n i n g about the apathy of IC
students whilst y o u thank your writers for their
articles every week. Y o u also encourage new
students to join F E L I X : what is w r o n g therefore
w i t h m y glorious name? If y o u want to give me
another c o l u m n instead of 'Letters', or even print
o n l y m y initials, I d o n ' t m i n d .
If y o u k n e w me personally, y o u w o u l d k n o w
that I am a rather shy, non-violent person, w i t h
a slight d i s m a y towards dogs: Y o u r ' W o o f
feature instead of m y letter, t h o u g h pleasing for
A L F ('dogs enter higher scientific education'),
was therefore d o u b l y insulting to me.
In doggy faith yours,
Saridakis Emmanuel, Physics I
(Biophysics group-dogs' behaviour).
t
Dear Sir,
I'd like to take this opportunuty to answer some
of the points raised i n last week's letters page.
Firstly I ' d like to correct Paul T u b m a n ' s
presumption that I believe that no one from a l o w
income family goes to University. I am from a low
income family, indeed my father generally works
over 50 h o u r s a week, takes one week's h o l i d a y
a year and still earns less than I can easily pick
up o n graduation.
I believe that the p r o b l e m facing H i g h e r
E d u c a t i o n is h o w to increase student numbers
and especially- h o w to increase the numbers of
' l o w e r class' students. I believe that the best w a y
to do this is to introduce students loans. N o w I
realise that this is not a popular v i e w i n College,
after all it is h a r d to argue against someone's self
interest.
Perhaps w e should look at the rest of the w o r l d
to support m y v i e w . A s Stephen points out,
British H i g h e r E d u c a t i o n is better f u n d e d than
in the rest of Europe, yet produces less students.
It is the grant system w h i c h artificially limits
student numbers and produces the m u c h derided
'elitism' of the present Higher Education system.
T h e evidence f r o m abroad w o u l d also seem to
destroy the argument that loans discourage
students f r o m poor backgrounds, the rest of
Europe has m a n y more 'lower class' students
than w e d o .
Page 2
To answer Stephen, I don't want to see a w o r l d
full of 'engineers, acountants and lager louts'
(although a few more engineers w o u l d not be a
bad thing). Loans need not discourage students
from s t u d y i n g the arts because loan repayments
are deferred if y o u earn less than 85% of the
national average income.
Finally I'd like to point out to M a r k that no one
has lost out f r o m tax cuts for the rich. Since tax
rates have been lower tax revenues have
increased substantially, allowing more to be spent
on s u c h things as the N H S a n d H i g h e r
Education.
To finish I'd like to say that I agree that the
letters page is probably not the best place to
continue this discussion so I'd be h a p p y to take
up M a r k ' s offer of a chat over a pint.
Yours,
Ahsley Unitt, DoC 3.
m
Editor,
O n behalf of the sincere students at I C I
apologise to the students of St M a r y ' s .
I accept that your U n i o n secretary behaved
badly, but he d i d n o t h i n g in comparison to the
actions of I C U .
We have suffered from an election committee
w h o have s h o w n all the love of democracy that
President Marcos s h o w e d to the people of the.
Phillipines.
W e have suffered f r o m a F E L I X Editor, w h o
actively biased the outcome of a U G M b y
' a d v i s i n g ' students h o w to vote.
A n d w e have suffered from a majority of
student at IC w h o have the same m e a n - m i n d e d
self-interest that M a r y ' s students are accused of.
I C U democracy is dead.
I have b u r n e d m y U n i o n card.
Simon Cholerton,
Physics 3.
s
Dear Bill,
Further to the U G M ' s u p h o l d i n g of Elections
Committee's ruling not to consider the St M a r y ' s
votes, I feel I must write to explain the reasons
for this i n the hope that the issue is considered
w i t h respect to the election only.
M a n y people feel that the decision simply
represented the U G M ' s nonchalent a n d
destructive attitude towards merger w i t h St
M a r y ' s , yet it o n l y u p h e l d a decision w h i c h h a d
been passed through Executive and Elections
Committees a n d more importantly arose due to
a recommendation by myself as Chair of the latter
subsequent to a complaint f r o m a candidate.
A p a r t from the poster indicating certain
candidates as preferable w h i c h was put u p by
G r a h a m Price, the S M H M S U Secretary. I heard
various reports that people at St M a r y ' s had been
told w h i c h w a y to vote.
This situation is not necessarily one w h i c h I
blame o n the M a r y ' s Exec. Certainly, I feel that
people elected to such positions s h o u l d have
more sense, yet it is ironic that the problems that
have arisen a n d w i l l probably affect merger
FELIX
negotiations might not have occurred had the
merger already place.
In the light of the situation and without blaming
anyone, I felt that there was no alternative but
to discount the votes, d r a w i n g the analogy that
had C & G U n i o n put u p a similar notice, the
candidate w h o referred the M a r y ' s matter to the
U G M w o u l d have been the first to storm into m y
Office had his name not appeared o n it.
If it is any consolation, counting the St M a r y ' s
votes c ould not have resulted in their preferred
candidate for President being elected.
I am very sorry that these problems occurred
and hope that next year's H o n Sec w i l l have an
easier time.
Yours sincerely,
Ian Morris, ICU Hon Sec.
t
Dear Mr Goodwin,
After many months of trying to avoid writing
to F E L I X i n order that n o 'slanging m a t c h '
between our institutions could be started i n a
f o r u m that allows n o discussion, I have finally
decided to write. (Bill—I respect y o u r Editorial
power and will not complain if y o u do not choose
to publish).
1 have only one thing to say about the 'rigging '
allegations a n d that is there was definitely n o
U n i o n meeting to discuss w h o to vote for. I could
argue more but at the end of the day the election
is over, a n d , rightly or w r o n g l y , a decision was
made i n as near a democratic fashion as is
possible at I C .
The Merger? Well i n m y opinion it is not going
to h a p p e n . W h e n I ask 'the people' that M r
M o t t e r a m seems incessantly to talk about, they
say they don't want to merge and that appears
to be true of IC students as w e l l . I am afraid that
I have been guilty(?) of listening to the I C U Exec
and asum ing that they represented student
o p i n i o n at IC a n d very helpful (and skillful)
negotiators they are. H o w e v e r , it seems that IC
students want us as m u c h as w e want t h e m —
quite understandably really as logically I see no
reason for us to merge i n fact I can see many
reasons w h y w e s h o u l d not:
1. Each U n i o n has a l o n g history. This means
we have our o w n procedures a n d rules. A t
M a r y ' s we r u n more efficiently as w e have n o
sabbaticals a n d do not come under the blanket
purchasing rules of IC—per capita w e have less
m o n ey a n d achieve more in the w a y of sporting
acitivities and political campaigns. That is not
meant to knock I C U w h o , with a larger institution
to look after, have many more committees etc to
attend.
2. T h e Institutions are o n separate sites.
of w h a t t h e m o r e
senior
Regardless
administrators say about cycling at E d d i e M e r x
speed across the park we will not integrate to any
great extent as w e each have our o w n social
infrastructure and one is no better than the other
in p r o v i d i n g for what their students want. A l s o
the m e r g i n g of clubs is a non-starter, o ur clubs
are successful and an integral part of M a r y ' s with
a p r o u d tradition. W o u l d the R S M Rugby C l u b
merge w i t h I C R F C , I think not and they are o n
site! W e each have our o w n superb sporting and
other clubs to merge t h e m for the sake of s a v i n g
m o n ey w o u l d be n o t h i n g short of criminal.
3. W e have separate Concerns. Recently w e
M a r c h 22 1989
s
have been fighting against Student Loans, The
N H S white Paper and Doctors hours all things
that effect medics alone or differently to students
at IC. W o u l d I C U sanction the enormous cost
involved i n these fights?
There are other points I a m w i l l i n g to discuss
but I feel the pressure of the Editor's knife.
So what is the answer? W e w o u l d be h a p p y
with carrying o n as we are w i t h our grant fixed
at a reasonable percentage of the total U n i o n
subvention—Mary's students d o not use I C U
facilities so w h y should we pay for them w h e n
we have our o w n site? W e w o u l d (nor should)
expect no more representation o n IC committees
than the C C U ' s do at present but should be kept
informed of any meeting w h i c h w i l l effect us.
However we will not come under the rule of I C U ,
surely as F E L I X Editor y o u have criticised them
enough to k n o w w h y ? W e w i l l , however, w o r k
with I C U o n matters that effect I C Students,
through decisions made at our o w n U G M s .
Finally are, as you suggest, M a r y ' s Exec making
a fuss about something the average M a r y ' s
student doesn't care about? I think the 240 M a r y ' s
students that trooped across to the IC U G M may
have cared just a little. W e are both student
bodies attached to two great institutions, each
w i t h its o w n identity and long history—we are
different from (not better than) each other and
1 feel that we can never be together like the other
C C U s for the reasons above. Therefore I propose
that we stop this bickering a n d reconcile
ourselves to this difference so that we can reap
what little advantage both sets of students can
gain from this merger.
There will be an open debate at M a r y ' s after
the Easter break for all students from both
institutions. I will write with further details nearer
the time.
Cheers,
P j Drew, President SMHMS Students' Union.
o
c
Dear Bill,
1 have finally got sufficiently pissed off to write
and c o m p l a i n about the complete lack of
politeness and consideration i n this year's U n i o n
Office Sabbaticals. After h a v i n g to put u p w i t h
N i g e l ' s tirades, W e n d y ' s insults a n d C h a s '
idiocies, I've had enough!
1 shall just give one example, w h i c h has been
the final straw. 1 have just attempted to attend
a U n i o n W o r k i n g Party, scheduled for 6.30pm
Thursday, i n the U n i o n Office. U n b e k n o w n to
me, the delayed election count was going o n
there. I a m met b y an irate W e n d y M o r r i s
determined to get his o w n back o n anybody and
everybody w h o ' s caused h i m hassle. ' N o y o u
can't come i n ' , ' C a n c e l l e d ' and not so m u c h as
an apology for not being told.
W h i l e U n i o n Officers c o u l d be expected to put
up w i t h the Exec's personality defects as a part
of their job, the occasion w h e n the sabbaticals,
principally Nigel, have vented their spleen at the
street, are unacceptable. This could very easily
have a lot to do w i t h the 'public relations'
problems the U n i o n has had this year.
I do not expect any reply to this at all, except
perhaps the o d d frown or dirty look i n the U n i o n
Office. Too many people u p there follow Jen's
s o u n d advice never to reply to a letter in F E L I X ,
M a r c h 22 1989
but even Jen must admit to the reality of this
problem, since it is the U n i o n staff w h o usually
have to pick up the pieces after the latest outrage.
Yours,
looking forward to escaping,
Dave Clements.
l
Dear Bill,
It is becoming obvious that this year's F E L I X
supersedes and outshines all those of the past.
This is thanks to the brilliant leadership of that
m i l d - m a n n e r ed a n d softly spoken hero, Bill
G o o d w i n . H e is strong, yet sensitive, slow to
chide and swift to bless, praise H i m , praise H i m ,
praise H i m , praise H i m , w i d e l y as H i s mercy
flows.
Praise my soul the king of FELIX
To his feet thy tribute bring
Ransomed healed, restored forgiven
You, like me his praise should sing
Praise Him, praise Him etc.
with air. Has Thatcherism taken h o l d to such an
extent that there is no concern for such a humble
but useful implement?
For was it not the bicycle p u m p that served R A
Butler so well in the creation of the welfare state?
Archimedes w o u l d never have made his fateful
discovery of bath overflow systems if he d i d not
have a bicycle p u m p i n his possession. H o w
w o u l d he have p u m p e d up his favourite rubber
duck?
The situation is n o w so serious that people only
care about h a v i n g their bicycles stolen, not the
p u m p . 1 remember the halcyon days of y o u t h
w h e n a bad day was h a v i n g y o u r p u m p stolen.
L n l e s s of course somebody decided to empty a
chamber pot on y o u . That wasn't very nice either.
Is that e n o u g h , Bill? O h good, I can go home
now.
Yours sincerely
Lunchtune O'Dogbiscuit.
u
y
Yours Sincerely,
Bill Goodwin.
,
,
Dear Bill,
I'm just about fed u p , I a m . Week after week,
term after term people write stupid senseless
ranting letters to y o u . Letters w h i c h have n o
object other than to rant, excessively. This is not
right—you should monitor your letters page. C u t
the crap, cut the bullshit, get to the point. People
out there i n the big w i d e w o r l d of Imperial
College don't want to read the ranting, drivelling
letters written by people w h o having n o t h i n g
more stimulating to say, no interesting views to
express. I hate people w h o m o a n about n o t h i n g
and take half a column over doing so. W e should
get rid of their letters. W e should let them k n o w
how worthless thev are. This is a typical example
of the time-wasting, moronic activities so
abundant i n IC. D o n ' t y o u have a n y t h i n g better
to do? Stop writing letters. Get the important
things i n life such as problem sheets done. It
doesn't make any sense and I despise the whole
business.
Yours faithfully,
Mark Reeves.
A
s
Dear Bill,
In the wake of the elections I feel that a major
concern s h o u l d be aired. In this day a n d age not
enough attention is paid to that workhorse of
Western democracy, the bicycle p u m p .
It is a sad w o r l d and one where bicycle p u m p s
are merely a tool to be used for filling little tyres
FELIX
Deaf Bill,
S p l e n d i d news! Jeremy's h a v i n g a cocktail
party this eve. The Ritz again I'm afraid—it's
getting a trifle b o r i n g n o w . Remember the last
one—what a wheeze, especially w h e n Nigel, the
little darling, s h o w e d us all his U n i o n Jack y fronts. It was all so sweet. A n d Ian, the super
chap, h a d so much Moet he could barely
remember the name of his girlfriend , let alone
the design on his y-fronts. Most embarrassing for
the poor darling but he d i d have a splendid time.
A n y w a y , this little fling is to celebrate Jeremy's
new baby—a biscuit-beige Rolls Royce
Corniche—not m y taste but there w e a r e Jeremy's still the 'nouveau-riche' cliche really—
not quite there yet. H e ' s booked some jazz pianist
for the evening—couldn't afford the Chas chap
I really w a n t e d . M o s t d i s a p p o i n t i n g .
M u s t p o p off n o w . The food hall's shut soon.
D o join us, Billy, w e ' v e made a special exception
for you—it was only supposed to be open to
sabbaticals y o u k n o w , but since y o u were such
a jollv wheeze at the last one I decided to make
vou my very o w n guest.
S p l e n d i d kisses and fondest regards,
Fifi Trixibclle.
n
n
Dear Sir,
I f i n d it incredible that the H o n Sec (Events)
s h o u l d think that at every ballot box each
candidate receives roughly the same proportion
of votes. I w o n d e r h o w m a n y candidates a n d
agents w o u l d have liked to have seen the o d d
ballot box f r o m the ' w r o n g ' part of the
constituency s u d d e n l y spontaneously combust.
Surely the votes from St M a r y ' s are bound to vary
the most. Still, being a returning officer is fraught
with interesting surprises.
Yours,
Andrew Robinson, Physics 2.
Page 3
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have automatically gone " h the system.
it
It seems that Roge has a chip on his " an is intent on g
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the goo heavens the t o tc e not like him. I "t shit M Davies
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ant the €t an €. All (.
Credits
Lone Sta
P s thanks to Liz  , Ramin Nakisa, ‚ y ƒ, Robin
Davison, Sumit Guha, Simon „" , Sez Wilkinson, Dave … ,
, Mike ‡ , Simon Thompson,
Jason †
Dan Homolka, Mike Dalton,
Ian ‡ , Yishu ˆ, ‚ m ‰ , Keith ‚ , Woute van
Hulten, Noel Š‹ŒŒ, ‚ n „ , Wine Soc, Paul „ , Ž‘y 'cool'
˜™
Kite, ’“” y Byat, Steve •–— –šš, MB Khan, " s „ , Phil Hopkins,
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Doug King. › thanks to Week's Hall o staye up all night to
collate last .
Page 4
Smallads
ANNOUNCEMENTS
• Want some students to key
data o n computer d u r i n g Easter,
1-2 weeks, £ 5 an ho ur. K o n r a d
Walerstein, Economics A d v i s o r y
G r o u p L i m i t e d , 35 Albemarle
Street, L o n d o n W 1 X 3FB. P h o n e
01-629 7209.
ACCOMMODATION
• S i n g l e r o o m i n shared house,
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machine, etc. £53 p . p . w .
Available almost immediately.
N o r t h L o n d o n Piccadilly Line.
Phone 368 1234 ext 2234 (work)
or 361 4941 (home).
• R a n d o m M a l e body wants i n o n
flat share for next year, Southside,
E v e l y n . If L e x h a m , shove it where
the s u n don't shine. M u s t be
certified dork-free. Contact M i k e via
FELIX.
FOR SALE/WANTED
• Sweatshirts going cheap! The
original N i k e O r e g o n design at
only £ 8 each. Black, large a n d
some m e d i u m . Contact Dave
K n i g h t (Physics 2) or Crosscountry Club.
• H I F I sale. Rotel A m p
RA-820BX, Rotel tuner RT-820L,
B & W speakers 100. £180 ono.
Contact B T N g ( C o m p u t i n g 4).
• V H S video recorder, 2 months
o l d , perfect conditions, £180.
P h o n e (0474) 332657.
• R i c o h YF20 35mm automatic
compact camera. Still i n box. £40.
Contact S i m o n N u t t a l l , C i v E n g 3
or o n 749 4450.
PERSONAL
• BaronSoc. W o u l d like to thank
all those vaguely-awake students
w h o noticed their Q T nose.
• Want to join BaronSoc? Write
to ' B a r o n ' via all departmental
' B ' pigeonholes.
• P h a l l i x w o r d : A n d the horse
y o u rode i n o n ! The Last M a i n
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• Phallixword: Yowsa! Yowsa!
Y o w s a ! I've got it—yooooou're a n
Italian!—The Strawberry
Flavoured Last M a i n Block.
• Is that O K ?
• A r e y o u suave? Sophisticated?
D o y o u want to go to a really
classy event? T h e n buy your
S i l w o o d Ball tickets from the
R C S U Office n o w .
• W h e n y o u go home tonight,
take a look i n your wardrobe.
Doesn't y o u r ballgown/DJ look
lonely. G i v e it a treat—put it o n
a n d go to the S i l w o o d Ball.
Tickets from the R C S U Office.
W i l l anyone propose this year?
C o m e along to the S i l w o o d Ball
a n d f i n d out. Tickets f r o m the
R C S U Office.
• I k n o w nah-thing - Steph S n e l l .
FELIX
• G l y n n . Y o u can put y o u r pick
in m y mine anytime. S n o w w h i t e .
• If anyone saw a car accident
occur i n the car park outside
Chemistry o n Tue 7th M a r c h at
about 5.45pm could y o u please
contact C D e n e k a m p (ext 4645,
Chem PG).
• N u t f o r d H o u s e , Latest...House
N e w s to be relaunched as The
N u t f o r d N e w s . Bigger and better,
and don't think y o u got away
with last term's gossip.
• T h e Vice President w i l l get
more videos next term.
• W a t c h out for the news r o u n d u p of the year's events,
especially G i a i a .
• Easy Meeeech.
• Fisher Hall Wakey Wakey
Squad w o u l d like to thank all
those w h o ' w o k e u p ' for C o m i c
Relief.
• A r e y o u suave? Sophisticated?
T h e n stay away f r o m the R C S
Ball!
• What are N i c k y and Rob d o i n g
locked i n Bill's back office.
• Apparently, they're playing
Charades
• B i l l is o n the look out for a
partner for the Ball—this could be
your lucky day S i m o n !
• S i m o n says: 'Yes'—as l o n g as
he can wear the trousers.
• N e w services rendered i n the
H U B Office—see Photo Love
Story for details.
• John—We love y o u really.
STOIC.
• T h e division of death Scientists
i n a joint production w i t h
RlP(?)Soc bring y o u Legionella II
at a cooling tower near y o u from
Sunday.
• N i c k y wears a red bra w i t h a
hammer o n one nipple a n d a
sickle o n the other.
• W e l l done Dramsoc—the play
was brilliant but the reviews page
was already pasted-up. N i c k y .
• W i l l the guy w h o lost his
lighter one the F i r k i n R u n please
contact Fiona Nicholas (Rag
pigeonhole i n ICU) as Rag f o u n d
it w h e n they were cleaning the
mini-buses.
• Sex W i l k i n s o n is a s p e l l i n g
mishtake.
• H a p p i n e s s is the inability to
appreciate what a really lousy place
the W o r l d is.
• A n j , y o u ' r e not s tupid, honest.
• S o d i t , I ' m going for a c u p of
coffee, JL.
• D o u g Q u e e n . Is he?
• Wendy, Wendy! H o w can we
keep o u r love secret w h e n I've
a l r e a d y b l a b b e d to e v e r y o n e .
• Jon D e n h a m is N O T fat. Space
merely distorts a r o u n d h i m .
• S T O I C - Wot no camera?
• For Sale r a n d o m l u m p of brass.
O n e previous careless, subterranian
owner. A p p l y Black Hole do R C S U .
M a r c h 22 1989
s
Plante
' sho
up poo
y
n
t
c
p
Security has been highlighted as
one of the shop's weak areas a n d
security cameras i n the store are
reported to have been inoperational
for the past 5 weeks. The extent of
the problem was demonstrated at
Thursdays Bookshop Committee
when U n i o n Manager, Dave
Peacock produced a collection of
goods w h i c h h a d been stolen b y
students o n the U n i o n ' s behalf.The
cameras are n o w i n the process of
being repaired.
B o o k s h o p Assistant Manager,
A n n T o u d up told FELIX that she felt
a great deal of the loss was due to
'carelessness o n the tills.' She added
that the Bookshop Manager, R o y
H i c k s , had attempted to implement
all of the orders sent to h i m by
U n i o n Manager, Dave Peacock after
the auditors report.
Cashiers are now required to 'sign
o n ' and 'sign o f f their till rolls and
tills are 'cashed u p ' every d a y .
Despite the more stringent controls
M o n d a y ' s tills were short by £ 5 0 .
In answer to criticisms by the
auditors that the Bookshopp carries
an excessive amount of stock, M r s '
T o u d u p told F E L I X that the store
orders lecturers' recommended texts
and tries to judge its ordering o n
past years. Tt isn't easy to judge'
she a d d e d . The auditors claim that
the shop's bank overdraft of £18000
could have been reduced by better
stock control.
Speaking o n the Bookshop's loss,
U n i o n President, N i g e l Baker said
Tt is a p r o b l e m m a n d w e ' v e got to
get in there and sort it out. W i t h the
expertise we n o w have in this office,
we believe we have the ability to d o
just that.'
The U n i o n n o w intends to change
the Bookshop layout to incorporate
tills at the exit a n d a better v i e w
across the shop. A n Electronic Point
O f Sale till system has also been
agreed to. Cashiers w i l l be able to
enter sales with a light pen, allowing
for more accurate till operation a n d
better stock control. The system is
expected to cost i n the region of
£5000.
Monday Night saw Imperial College
U n i o n C o u n c i l head off to S i l w o o d
Park for its annual token gesture to
Postgraduates. After m u c h u m - i n g
and er-ing and delegation of proxies
ther e w e r e e n o u g h
Council
members to make the meeting
quorate.
Sensibly,
the
Postgraduates at S i l w o o d stayed
well clear of the proceedings.
The meeting kicked off with the
President w h o reported that, in the
wake of moves by Imperial College
U n i o n , the N U S were considering
taking legal action against the
Association.
'Perhaps w e s h o u l d invite the
N U S to join u s ' suggested a d r u n k
Dave W i l l i a m s .
The meeting proceeded w i t h
C o u n c i l mandating N i g e l Baker to
seek legal advice o n wether it w a s
possible to take out an injuctioh o n
lecturers to force t h e m to set
examinations.
The U n i o n s decision to charge tie
clubs for the use of the U n i o n as a
mailing address was vigourously
opposed by 22 club chairman D a v i d
Burns. The motion was put forward
by Math's D e p Rep A t h o s Ritsperis
w h o suggested
that it w a s
hypocritical for the U n i o n to charge
the Christian U n i o n ( C U ) for this
service w h e n they d i d not charge
other n o n U n i o n C l u b s . After a
great deal of debate, d u r i n g w h i c h
the F E L I X Editor cast aside h i s
traditional neutrality to defend the
C U , it was decided that clubs w o u l d
be allowed to use this facility free
provided they brought in more than
£300 revenue to the U n i o n .
T w o n e w clubs were ratified b y
council with little debate; University
Christian Outreach a n d A I S E C , a
student business organisation.
It was then that S C A B chairman
Roger Davies decided to play his ace
card by censuring the F E L I X Editor
for forgetting to print his article i n
two consecutive issues.
Unfortunately Council was totally
disinterested a n d the move was
defeated b y abstentions after five
people uoted i n favour a n d five
against.
A motion to re-establish the W i n e
Tasting Society grant w h i c h h a d
been cut b y the U n i o n Finance
Committee o n the grounds that the
U n i o n s h o u l d not f u n d 'a b u n c h of
pissheads' caused a stir amongst the
now sloshed members of C o u n c i l .
U n i o n President N i g e l Baker
argued that Real A l e Society was not
f u n d e d a n d said that W i n e Tasting
s h o u l d therefore not be f u n d e d . It
was the C o u n c i l C h a i r m a n , N e i l
M c C l u s k y w h o came to the rescue
by p o i n t i n g out that W i n e Tasting
Society c o u l d claim for entering
students i n competitions if they
wanted to a n d that this w o u l d
probably cost the U n i o n more than
their subsidy. T h e motion w a s
u n a n i m o u s l y carried.
Losses
i n Imperial
College
Bookshop have left the U n i o n out of
pocket by over £7000. The losses
were announced at a meeting of the
Bookshop Committee last Thursday
w h e n it was revealed that the shop
had made a deficit of £16,771 last
year.
A n auditors report o n the
bookshop alleges theft of goods by
staff a n d customers; c o l l u s i o n
between staff and customers leading
to goods being undercharged, theft
of cash by staff or customers a n d
o v e r p a y m e n t of s u p p l i e r s b y
mistake or ' i n consequence of
collusion between
staff a n d
supplier.'
M a r c h 22 1989
s
' Y o u ' v e written a blank cheque'
said N i g e l Baker shaking his hands
i n disbelief before heading back off
to the bar.
'Fine, I'll have a double' retorted
22 president Dave Burns.
A s the meeting c o n s u m e d more
and more alcohol the debate became
most protracted and less coherent.
A motion calling for Social Colours
to become the responsibility of
i n d i v i d u a l Major S u b Committees
( M S C ) was however passed despite
N i g e l Baker's assurances that the
M S C ' s w o u l d receive no money to
b u y Social Colours Ties.
'That's just tough shit,' he said,
but by n o w C o u n c i l h a d h a d too
many to care.
By far the low point of the evening
arrived w h e n H o n Sec Ian M o r r i s
presented his report, w h i c h
FELIX
Rob L o w e , a M i n i n g G e o l o g y
second year has been returned as
next year's M i n e s President after a
close election last Tuesday. M r
R o w e w a s standing against Matt
Jupe a Geology second year; both
candidates gained 78 votes leaving
M i n e s H o n Sec E d d y G o d w i t h the
casting vote. M r G o d voted for M r
Rowe o n the grounds that he gained
more second votes than th e
o p p o s i n g candidate.
A n n e R o t h w e l l was returned as
Vice President with 73 votes to Eddy
K i e r n o n s 35 v o t e s a n d D a v e
M c M i l l a n was returned as Honorary
Secretary w i t h 74 votes to D a v e
M c M i l l a n ' s 28.
A l s o elected were Kate K n u d s o n
for the post of Foreign Students
Officer, W a r r e n Turner as Sports
O f f i c e r a n d J P H a n s e n as
Newsletter Editor.
consisted of 65 policies w h i c h were
due for renewal or b i n n i n g . By n o w
it w a s 11.30pm a n d to expect
C o u n c i l to wade through all 65
policies w a s perhaps a little
optimistic. A number of C o u n c i l
members made their feelings k n o w n
as they stormed out of the session
and into the bar to play p o o l .
of q u o r u m
were
Shouts
fastideously ignored b y C o u n c i l
Chairman Neil McCluskey w h o
pointed out that as there w a s n o
way for C o u n c i l to get back f r o m
S i l w o o d w i t h o u t the Mini-busses
they m i g h t as w e l l f i n i s h the
business.
Thirty six policies later, amidst
much shouting from all and sundry,
the
meeting
degenerated
completely. By n o w most of Council
w a s i n a c o m p l e t e state of
inebriation which prompted Deputy
President Elect, Dave W i l l i a m s to
pull himself from u n d er the table
and present a final m o t i o n .
'I think w e s h o u l d limit the
numbersh of d r i n k s h that C o u n c i l
membesh d r i n k because itsh just
ridiculoush.'
T h a n k heavens its o n l y three
times a term.
Page 5
s
s
S
The Government is planning to take
legal action against the N a t i o n a l
U n i o n of Students' ( N U S ) 'closed
s h o p ' after jts survey of student
unions earlier in the year. Secretary
of State for Education, K e n n e t h
Baker a n n o u n c e d the plans at the
Conservative Central C o u n c i l i n
Scarborough last w e e k e n d , after a
group of M P s tabled a resolution
deploring the automatic N U S
registration of students' at N U S
affiliated student unions.
s
The last U n i o n G e n e r a l M e e t i n g
( U G M ) saw the election of next
year's U n i o n Officers, w i t h a large
number of posts remaining vacant.
Sez W i l k i n s o n w a s elected as
External Affairs Officer, H a l
C a l a m v o k i s as R a g Chair, A d r i a n
Pagan as A c c o m m o d a t i o n Officer,
Nocola Fox as W o m e n ' s Officer and
Stephen M c C a b e as Ents Chair.
A l t h o u g h there were candidates
standing for the posts of H o u s e
Committee C h a i r and U G M Chair,
N e w Election w o n more votes i n
Speaking at the meeting, M r
Baker said the action w o u l d be
guided by the basic principle that it
is w r o n g for State money to be used
for political campaigns w h e n it has
been provided for students' welfare
and support.
Dismissing reports that his top-up
loans scheme had been rejected by
the banks, M r Baker also insisted
that legislation for the loans w i l l go
ahead in the A u t u m n .
c
U
Imperial College Rag raised £430 for
C o m i c Relief last week. £120 was
raised by cleaning minibuses, £260
by selling copies of F E L I X , £50 from
selling red noses whilst £70 was
raised by the Imperial College
S y m p h o n y Orchestra.
e
h
A p a r a c h u t i s t w a s k i l l e d last
weekend after she collided w i t h the
propeller of a light aircraft at the
parachuting centre used b y I C
Parachuting C l u b . The 28 year-old
w o m a n was an experienced jumper,
both cases. These posts will be open
on her 35th j u m p at the club, but
to re-elections, as w i l l a number of
died instantly w h e n she struck the
other posts for w h i c h no candidates
Britten N o r m a n Islander plane, 600
stood. These include A c a d e m i c
yards off course.
Affairs Officer, Internal Services
A number of students from I C
Officer, Post-Graduate Affairs
expressed worries at the proximity
Officer, Industrial Relations Officer,
of light aircraft to the parachuting
I C C A G C h a i r a n d Welfare Officer.
g r o u n d at the H e a d c o r n T r a i n i n g
A n y o n e w i s h i n g to stand must sign
Centre in K e n t . A full investigation
the papers o n the board i n the is likely but a spokesman for the
U n i o n B u i l d i n g and must have five
centre
t o l d F E L I X that t h e
seconders w h o are current members
probability of accidents is ' m i n i m a l '
of IC U n i o n .
and stressed that it is the first
accident to h a p p e n at H e a d c o r n i n
the 10 years it has been o p e n .
y
A recent cut i n the f u n d i n g of IC's
Geology department by the
University Grants Committee
(UGC)
has caused severe staff
cutbacks. The cuts have resulted i n
a reduction i n the number of subject
options Imperial can offer G e o l o g y
students.
In an interview w i t h F E L I X , the
H e a d of the G e o l o g y department,
D r Richard Selley, said that the
department w i l l lose 10 academic
and 13 non-academic support staff
between June 1988 and October
1989. T h e loss may reduce the
. n u m b e r of options available to
second year Geologists f r o m 7 to 3.
T h e 4 courses d u e to be axed have
a l o w n u m b e r of students. T h e
option cuts are due, i n part, to staff
cuts a n d the need for the
department to improve its strength
in the field of research geology for
future U G C assessments.
If an o p t i o n cannot be offered by
Imperial's G e o l o g y d e p a r t m e n t , it
is h o p e d that students w i l l be able
to attend courses i n other University
of L o n d o n colleges, p r i m a r i l y
University College, Birkbeck College
and Royal H o l o w a y and Bedford
N e w College. The students' tutors
are to organise the restructuring of
the courses.
When interviewed by FELIX,
second year G e o l o g y students said
that t h e y w e r e o n l y r e c e n t l y
i n f o r m ed of the reduction i n the
n u m b e r of options. O f the 40 or so
members i n the second year, 10 are
taking the M i n i n g G e o l o g y course,
w i t h a fixed set of options. T h e
rem aining 30 were asked to fill i n a
f o r m expressing their respective
choices. W i t h the forms processed,
the s e c o n d y e a r s h a v e b e e n
i n f o r m ed that only three of the
original seven options are to be r u n .
The decision has upset a number
of the G e o l o g y staff as w e l l as the
students. A petition has been
organised to express the students'
opposition to the line of action. A t
an informal lecturers' meeting, the-
n
s
majority
of
the
Geology
department's staff said that they
w o u l d r u n lecture courses i n all
options if there was any d e m a n d .
T h e f e e l i n g i n the G e o l o g y
department is that the U G C grading
and subsequent cuts i n funding, are
unfair since the review of the
department was primarily carried
out o n the basis of pure research
Geology, as o p p o s e d to a p p l i e d
Geology, where Imperial has its
greatest strengths.
Imperial's Geology department is
one of the largest and best equipped
in the country and is one of the few
w i t h facilities f o r c a r r y i n g o u t
strength testing o n rocks. T h e
department also nurtures close links
w i t h i n d u s t r y . I n the face of the
U G C ' s cuts, the department is
managing to b u i l d u p its applied
with
the
geology
section
appointment of three new industryf u n d e d lectureships.
University of L o n d o n U n i o n ( U L U )
Senator for Medicine, Chris Massey
has been elected as U L U President
for next year. M r Massey, from St
George's Hospital w o n by 75 votes
to 36 at a meeting of the u n i o n ' s
General U n i o n C o u n c i l ( G U C ) on
Sunday 12 M a r c h . H e joins next
year's Vice President (Finance and
Administration), Sean W r i g h t and
V P (Services) Steve H o p w o o d .
H a l Kalamvokis, from IC, was also
elected as Senator for Science and
Engineering.
. ENTS CARNIVAL
STUFF THE
P O L L TAX
PARTY
TONIGHT
*4 bands
•Casino
* Disco
plus bar extension
till 2am
Tickets*
£3 (adv), £4 (door)
s
T
y
o
!
South K e n s i n g t o n u n d e r g r o u n d
station was evacuated last Tuesday
(14th), w h e n a small fire w a s
d i s c o v e r e d o n the escalator
connecting the.Picadilly and District
lines. The fire was extinguished by
station staff as trains passed through
the station without s t o p p i n g for
twenty minutes.
T he A s s o c i a t i o n of U n i v e r s i t y
Teachers (AUT) decided to continue
with their boycott of examinations
at a meeting on Saturday, after they
received a n increased pay offer of
6% o n Friday. T h e A U T n o w
intends to ballot its members o n the
pav offer a n d the result w i l be
released i n m i d - A p r i l . ViceChancellors have insisted that there
is n o more money available for a
higher offer.
Threats of legal action by parents
and students whose examinations
may be disrupted by the dispute
have s p u r r e d Vice Chancellors
throughout the country to consider
any action they may take against the
A U T . O n e Vice Chancellor pointed
out that if Universities d i d not take
action against staff b o y c o t t i n g
exaninations, they w o u l d have little
defence in court against any student
suing them. Vice Chancellors have
previously considered lock-outs,
suspension of pay and dismissals for
staff taking part in the action.
t
mm
City a n d G u i l d s U n i o n have
k i d n a p p e d the seven foot high bear
'Roger
Davies'
from
Royal
Holloway and Bedford N e w
College. T h e bear, w h i c h is the
mascot of the R H B N C students
U n i o n was k i d n a p p e d o n Saturday
afternoon by a team of mascoteers
'acting o n inside i n f o r m a t i o n . '
A spokesman from City a n d
G u i l d s U n i o n told F E L I X that the
mascoteers h a d b r o k e n into a
cupboard at the top of R H B N C ' s
N o r t h Tower to retrieve the mascot,
w h i c h was chained to the w a l l w i t h
a 15ft c h a i n . T h e M a s c o t e e r s
removed the chain and carried the
bear away unchallenged.
R H B N C U n i o n are reported to be
very keen to regain posession of
'Roger'.
l
A chain letter threatening severe
bad luck to recipients w h o do not
redistribute 20 copies of the letter
has been circulated throughout
C o l l e g e . T h e letter h a s b e e n
described as ' h i g h l y offensive' a n d
anyone w h o receives such a letter is
advised to t h r o w it into the waste
paper b i n .
S
s
s
e
Roval H o l l o w a v and Bedford N e w
College ( R H B N C ) has published a
report o u t l i n i n g its p l a n s f o r
academic development's i n the
1990's. T h e report assumes that
R H B N C will " s t a n d a l o n e " w i t h i n
the University of L o n d o n and not
merge with IC and that any increase
in resources w i l l be generated b y
R H B N C itself.
1 Students f r o m the Royal School of
Mines attempted to batter d o w n the
C o u r s e s at R H B N C w i l l be
door to the Royal College of Science
changed to reflect the more diverse
U n i o n ( R C S U ) Office o n Friday
qualifications brought about by the
night after the R C S U mascotry team
new A/S level examinations. This
succeeded i n stealing the Royal
will
entail more
joint a n d
School of M i n e s (RSM) mascot,
multidisciplinary courses w h i c h
Davy.
may involve increased co-operation
w i t h IC i n the areas of Science a n d
The three feet h i g h outsize D a v y
E n g i n e e r i n g . Greater E u r o p e a n
lamp was stolen f r o m a r o o m i n the
integration by both colleges w i l l be
Royal School of M i n e s o n Tuesday
further stimulus for combinations
14 M a r c h after what R C S Vice
i n v o l v i n g E u r o p e a n languages,
President, Dave Williams described
especially w i t h science subjects. ,
as
several
months
of
M a r c h 22 1989
The College's spate of computer
thefts has continued w i t h the theft
of f o u r c o m p u t e r s f r o m t h e
Aeronautics department last week.
The theives 'had all the keys and an
intimate local k n o w l e d g e , ' said
Chief Security Officer, Geoff
Reeves. T h e stolen items were
w o r t h £8-10,000.
T w o members of the Royal School
of M i n e s are trying to restart the IC
ladies R u g b y team, 'The V i r g i n s ' .
A n y o n e interested s h o u l d contact
Bryony Isaacs (Geology 1) or Kate
K n u d s o n ( M R E 2).
reconna:.sance.
M r W i l l i a m s told F E L I X that the
R S M U n i o n General M e e t i n g at
w h i c h R C S students had previously
been caught w i t h forged U n i o n
cards had been part of the planning.
He added that R S M w i l l n o w have
to raise £1000 before they recover
their mascot.
'There has been a m u c h better
spirit w i t h i n the R C S than there has
been for a few years. W h o k n o w s
what the future holds? ' he said.
FELIX
d
There were r e d noses a l l r o u n d
w h e n the Queen's Tower was given
a red nose for C o m i c Relief D a y . A
group of wacky students attached a
large red paper nose to the tower
w i t h the aid of a 'trained abseiler.'
T laughed so m u c h I nearly wet
myself,' said F E L I X Editor, Bill
G o o d w i n afterwards.
Page 7
l
T
LERTRAVELLERTRAVELLERTRAVELLERTRAVELLERTRAVELLERTRAVELLERTRAV
animal and h u m a n excrement and
rotting garbage; they were always
packed w i t h people.
Here pagoda-shaped temples,
with the ever-present pair of blue
eyes painted o n their golden towers,
a Nepali-type number one painted
under them to remind the people of
their faith, shocked me w i t h their
erotic w o o d e n carvings o n the roof
supports. I learnt more from them
than I ever d i d i n school.
u
The predominent religion of the,
people is H i n d u ; the other m a i n
religion being B u d d h i s m . Some of
us c o u l d learn something from the
way people of such divergent value
systems live in h a r m o n y ; there are
specific H i n d u and B u d d h i s t
temples in N e p a l but most temples
contain images or statues sacred to
both religions.
N e p a l is the h o m e of
the
A b o m i n a b l e S n o w m a n , hashish,
B u d d h a , a n d of course M o u n t
Everest, w h i c h rises majestically
f r o m the s n o w y H i m a l a y a s . The
country is small a n d rectangularshaped. Squashed between the
h u l k s of India a n d C h i n a it wisely
a d o p t s its f o r e i g n p o l i c i e s to
c o m p r o m i s e b e t w e e n the t w o
countries.
W h e n I first arrived in K a t h m a n d u
I reeled w i t h culture shock. The
airport steps were covered w i t h spit
and the crowds of people w h o had
come to greet the plane filled the air
with violent and drawn-out
hawking.
K a t h m a n d u is noticable for its
w i d e ranging ethnic background;
A river
Page 8
there were the slightly M o n g o l o i d
N e w a r s , the original inhabitants of
the K a t h m a n d u Valley, the dark,
C a u c a s i a n p e o p l e s f r o m theGanges,
and
the
strongly
M o n g o l o i d Tibetans, but do not be
surprised to see r o u g h l y clad aging
hippies w a l k i n g the streets - the
hangers o n f r o m the 1960's Tibetan
day dreams.
L u r c h i n g about i n the back of the
Landrover feeling queasy f r o m jetlag, I discovered that the roads were
primitive and that most drivers h a d
not heard of a traffic code. Cyclists
and sacred cows were everywhere
and whenever a cow felt the urge to
cross a road, all traffic stopped.
The streets of K h a t m a n d u were
filthy, narrow, splattered w i t h spit,
The architecture retains m u c h of
the o l d N e w a r influence w i t h small
Sitting astride an elephant is as
u n c o m f o r t a b l e as it l o o k s , I
discovered the next day as we went
t i g e r - s p o t t i n g i n the j u n g l e .
U n f o r t u n a t e l y , elephants b e i n g
large, they tend to crash through the
dense u n d e r g r o w t h , and all w e d i d
succeed in sporting was a rhinoceros
w i t h her baby.
In P o k h a r a (about 200km west of
K a t h m a n d u ) , we h a d just about
enough time for a row on the largest
lake i n N e p a l and a cup of tea at the
Hotel N e w Crystal, with a
magnificent view of the A n n a p u r n a
range of mountains behind it, before
we hit the runs again. This time we
c ould identify the culprit. A t an
hotel, shortly after ordering our
dinner, there was a p o w e r cut. The
resultant d i m lighting meant that we
failed to notice that the food was
half cooked.
M a n y people travel to Pokhara to
•
/;..,^ ...
;
..............
'
An example of Wendy's driving
shops o n the street level, l i v i n g
quarters o n the u p p e r overhanging
floors—not
unlike the R o w s at
Chester—with h i g h l y skilled w o o d
carvings s u r r o u n d i n g the narrow
doors a n d w i n d o w s .
After a miserable Christmas w h e n
we all spent the day i n b e d ,
shouting encouragement or voicing
despair to each other as we took it
in turns to crawl to the loo (I have
never heard of a visitor to N e p a l not
getting the runs) w e set off for the
C h i t w a n N a t i o n a l Park. This is
about
110km south-west
of
Kathmandu.
T h e steep t e r r a c e d h i l l s i d e s
outside K a t h m a n d u are a joy to
behold, but rounding sudden bends
to be confronted by a fast m o v i n g
bus can be u n - n e r v i n g .
FELIX
trek u p to the H i m a l a y a s , to
J o m o s a m or the A n n a p u r n a
Sanctuary. A l o n g most paths are
chautana (stone benches i n a square
a r o u n d a p i p u l tree) to rest at, a n d
tea houses selling, if y o u ' r e lucky
tea from a pot boiling away with
milk and excessive quantities of
sugar for about 2p. Y o u can stay at
tea houses for about lOp; a t w i n
foam mattress, blanket and wooden
shelf all inclusive.
I d i d return to N e p a l , and no
doubt I will again, for despite Nepal
being one of the least developed
nations of the w o r l d , it has a lot to
offer. Although people are intensely
curious, they are generally friendly
to the same degree a n d the o l d
Oriental mysticism pervades the
atmosphere everywhere.
M a r c h 22 1989
e
S
b e _ e
88
e d t i m e o f
y ' the FELIX Science Page investigates
ear
I
\MZ
' M u c h of the egg production in this
c o u n t r y , ' said the minister, ' i s ,
sadlv, infected with Salmonella'.
These words, broadcast countrywide, led to an unprecedented
n a t i o n w i d e p a n i c attack, t h e
destruction of thousands of hens
and the p a y i n g of h u n d r e d s of
thousands
of
pounds
in
compensation
to d i s g r u n t l e d
farmers.
The incident w i l l go d o w n i n
political folklore as a classic example
of s t a r t i n g the m o u t h before
engaging the brain. But the i l l starred E d w i n a may have done us
all a favour: most of Britain n o w
knows that Salmonella is highly
virulent, can quickly evolve
resistance to treatment, and has
been found in 80% of poultry flocks.
In the U K d u r i n g 1987 there were
about 18000 recorded cases of
Salmonella poisoning, an increase of
over 20% on the year before. People
have been k n o w n to fall ill after
digesting as few as ten bacteria.
The bacteria is a mutation of the
' u s e f u l ' Escherichia C o l i (E. Coli)
bacteria, part of the digestive
system, and like E. Coli it lives in the
guts of many species of animal. The
bacteria finds the gut the ideal place
from w h i c h to attack the host and
from which to spread back into the
environment and into other food.
O n e Salmonella carrying chicken
can easily and rapidly infect a whole
flock.
Corpses of slaughtered animals,
and even the milk from infected
herds of cattle can contain l i v i n g
t
Picture this: the scene, a dingy
laboratory full of large machines and
flashing lights. In one corner stands
the
m a d scientist,
giggling
manically, about to perform some
hideous experiment on the helpless
heroine. H e reaches for a large lever
on the wall a n d pulls it d o w n .
Machines b u z z a n d sparks fly. I n
thirty seconds, she w i l l be b e y o n d
help.
Suddenly, in rushes the hero, his
M a r c h 22 1989
bacteria, bacteria w h i c h c a n
e v e n t u a l l y f i n d t h e i r w a y to
humans.
The key to the bacteria's survival
is adaptability. There are many
different species each of w h i c h
infects food i n a slightly different
way. Salmonella enteritidis, the one
held responsible for C u r r i e ' s eggs,
is the most c o m m o n iti this country.
T h e r e h a v e also b e e n
recent
outbreaks of the rarer Salmonella
paratyphi a n d Salmonella saintp a u l , t h e latter affec ting o n e
h u n d r e d people w h o had eaten
contaminated beansprouts. There
are few foods which cannot contain
salmonella.
This may explain h o w people
become infected, but in recent years
the
number
of cases h a d
dramatically increased. There must
be some change i n the nation's
eating habits w h i c h makes us all
more vulnerable. M a n y researchers
now believe that it is the fault of the
fridge.
In recent years the number of
people b u y i n g a n d then c o l d storing
food has increased
dramatically. This, like all other
food, is susceptible to Salmonella
infection. The difference is that such
meals are often keptforlong periods
of time, all too frequently where it
is w a r m enough for the bacteria to
grow. E d w i n a ' s eggs are as prone
to infection as a n y t h i n g : the inside
of the shell is an ideal breeding
ground.
If the food is thoroughly cooked,
as per the governments post-panic
smile glinting. There is a fight: the
hero gets the u p p e r h a n d , the m a d
scientist fights back. There are just
seconds to spare. In a last desperate
to save his true love, the hero strikes
the scientist w h o staggers back, trips
over a chair and falls into a vat of
sulphuric acid. T h e hero rushes
across the room, pulls the lever just
in time. The heroine is saved a n d
the w o r l d is again at peace.
O K , so it w o u l d n ' t w i n an award
for originality. I n fact, the above
c ould be a scene from any one of
hundreds of films, books, plays and
the like, and is typical of the bad
press scientists seem to receive.
H o w many celluloid scientists have
advice, most Salmonella s h o u l d be
killed. H o w e v e r if, as n o r m a l l y
happens, the meal is stuck in the
oven or o n the cooker, left for halfan-hour and eaten, enough may
survive to make someone i l l .
There are no guaranteed ways of
stopping animals becoming infected
w i t h Salmonella. Researchers are
w o r k i n g o n 'cocktails' of organisms
w h i c h colonise the gut to the extent
that no other bacteria can gain a
foothold. This is not w i th o u t its
flaws, Salmonella are rapid adapters
been m a d , bad or misguided? H o w
many have planned to take over the
world? The list is endless.
Fv°n w h e n the scientist gets to be
the g./od guy, he, and it is almost
invariably a he, either spends the
whole film w o r k i n g on the antidote
to a mysterious alien disease or
having his mind drained by
i n v a d i n g green blobs w h i l e some
h u n k with the brain of an amoeba
fights off the menace. The worst of
the lot are the happily-married-withson brigade from 50s A m e r i c a n
Science Fiction: ' G e e Pa, d i d y o u
have a good day at the utomic rocket
testing g r o u n d ? ' , 'Sure d i d son,
how was your day?', 'Gee, it was
FELIX
and can quickly become resistant to
a particular cocktail. Despite this,
the G e r m a n s have e n o u g h faith in
the technique to make it compulsory
for all cattle to be vaccinated. The
British G o v e r n m e n t , true to f o r m ,
is doing nothing and this time, there
may be no political gaffes to make
then sit u p a n d take notice.
e
swell, I saw this spaceship land i n
the back garden.', 'Sure son, just
y o u get off to b e d . '
W e have been typecast. H o w can
the general public trust anyone w h o
seems simultaneously to want to
rule and save the w o r l d . Scientists
must learn to communicate a n d ,
here's the p l u g , one w a y to do this
is by w r i t i n g . The F E L I X science
page w i l l accept articles f r o m
anyone o n anything vaguely
scientific. O l d lab. reports or tutorial
essays, if they are interesting, w i l l
be lapped u p . S o if y o u want to
write something, a n yth i n g over
Easter, d o s o , p l e a s e . W o r l d
d o m i n a t i o n plans accepted.
Page 9
g
T
Refectory
Guide
There are many food outlets i n
College, a n d they a l l cater for
different tastes. The outlets also vary
greatly i n price, food quality, a n d
quantity. It is therefore advisable to
shop a r o u n d , a n d p a y careful
attention to the price lists, as it is
possible to eat on less than a p o u n d ,
but also easy to spend upto three
p o u n d s o n food w h i c h has little
difference in nutrition, or quantity.
Below is a s um m ary of the major
food outlets, along with indications
of their cost, quality, healthiness,
and p o r t i o n sizes. T h e star system
is f r o m one to five, w i t h five
s h o w i n g the highest merit.
Gardens
This is the main refectory under
Southside, a n d serves meals of the
'school d i n n e r ' type. Food served is
of the meat and two veg type during
weekends, but d u r i n g weekdays
overpriced salads can be obtained.
The food quality is generally poor,
but the quantity is g o o d , a n d the
prices a l t h o u g h h i g h , are n o t
extortionate.
Cost
Quality
Healthiness
Portion size
***
• •••
Recommended meal
Potatoes beans and veg (91p)
Q T (McNortheys)
Situated i n the JCR, this is the worst
food outlet i n the whole of college,
combining high cost, small portions,
and low quality. This is a take-off of
the large fast f o o d chains, a n d sells
burgers, baps, fries and a selection
of cakes. Unfortunately water is not
p r o v i d e d at this outlet so y o u w i l l
also have to b u y a d r i n k .
Cost
Quality
Healthiness
Portion size
•
•
•
Recommended meal
Go somewhere else (zero pence)
Main Dining Hall
This is o n the g r o u n d floor of the
Sherfield b u i l d i n g , and is split into
two m a i n areas:
1) M a i n Food Bar
This serves food of similar form to
Gardens, and has roughly the same
cost and portion size. The food does
tend to be fresher than i n G a r d e n s ,
d u e to a faster t h r o u g h f l o w of
people.
Cost
Quality
Healthiness
Portion size
Sorry! There's some food on your fly!
Belushi's
Situated i n Southside Bar, this
outlet serves pizzas, salads, a n d
potatoes. The outlet is open d u r i n g
bar o p e n i n g times, seven days a
week, and proves very popular with
both drinkers a n d n o n - drinkers
alike. T h e pizzas a n d salads are
fairly expensive, but the potatoes
are notably good value.
• •••
• •••
Recommended meal:
Potatoes beans and veg (91p)
2) Pasta Bar
Next to the m a i n food bar, this
serves a large range (usually four or
five) of different pastas. This outlet
is notably cheap, a n d the f o o d is
filling. O n the other h a n d eating a
f u l l plate of pasta can prove to be
monotonous. The pasta is generally
both hot a n d fresh.
Cost
Quality
Flealthiness
Portion size
* * * *
•• *
•* +
Recommended meal
Plate of any pasta plus 1 slice melon.
(£1.40)
Cost
Quality
Healthiness
Portion size
Recommended meal
Spud with anything.
Caterpillar Cafe ( U n i o n Snack Bar)
The only u n i o n food outlet, situated
on the g r o u n d floor of the u n i o n
b u i l d i n g . The f o o d presentation is
poor, a n d portion size is small, but
the quality can be quite reasonable.
This outlet doesn't provide water,
although this fault could easily be
rectified, but drinks are reasonably
priced. Unfortunately the vegetarian
food is overpriced, and sometimes
is more expensive than meat based
meals. This outlet is r u n i n a similar
way to Belushi's, a n d has a fairly
variable m e n u . Unfortunately it fails
to attract as m u c h custom as it
s h o u l d i n the evenings, probably
partly due to the unpopularity of the
Bar.
Cost
Quality
Healthiness
Portion size
Come on over to my place?
"
variable
* * +
variable
***
variable
variable
Recommended meal
One of the set meals (80-90p)
FELIX
U n i o n Outlets
H o p e f u l l y the U n i o n w i l l keep
learning f r o m it's mistakes, a n d
expand the caterpillar cafe, maybe
enlarging the custom of the newly
formed M T V lounge. A l s o portion
size could be increased without
large increases i n cost. A l th o u g h the
Bar has been refurbished it is still
very synthetic, has n o corners to
hide i n , and no confortable seating.
The lighting is too strong, and either
d i m m e d lighting or spots w o u l d
improve the atmosphere. A l s o I
w o u l d say the l o w e r i n g of the
ceiling was badly done as it is still
very h i g h . H o p e f u l l y these w i l l be
changed i n the future, so as to
improve both trade, and viability of
the U n i o n outlets. The way to turn
tosses into profits, is to have a
decrease in cost per meal, increasing
custom a n d therefore maintaining
'current expenditure.
C o l l e g e Outlets
The College outlets c o u l d probably
decrease their prices further, a n d
they have regular c u s t o m , so
wastage should be l o w , a n d they
have b u l k b u y i n g power. G a r d e n s
refectory needs to take a look at the
food it is providing, as it is no longer
popular during evenings and
weekends. Perhaps more food of
the 'bangers a n d m a s h ' type c o u l d
be provided so as to use the obvious
market for cheap food that exists in
the halls. It is important that the
outlets cater for the people they
could potentially seve, otherwise
the massive advantages of bulk will
soon be lost.
M a r c h 22 1989
e
A Room
With A
View
This week FELIX
was lucky enough
to obtain an
exclusive insight
into the character
of Chas Brereton,
Opera, literature and fast women; such is my life
Union Deputy
A person's r o o m reflects the inner such as m y Passport File, w h i c h
p r o d u c t i o n a n d biosynthesis of
depths of their psyche. F r o m the contains m y passport. There is a
pseudomonic acid ' A ' from
President. Chas decor,
the subtle arrangement of the
technical receipt file for technical
Pseudomonas Flourescens w i t h a
furniture, the focus of attention, the
receipts, a contracts file, a tax file,
sideline i n competitive blocking of
has been kind pastel shades of a room, one can an investments file number one and N - m e t h y l a t i o n i n ergot alkaloid
learn what a person is really like. I
an investments file number t w o .
biosynthesis.
h e r e ' s e v e n a file for f i l i n g
Last year I w a s a bit of a l a d .
enough to write a am b o r i n g . M y room is b o r i n g . Taccessories.
But the most interesting
The first t h i n g that people notice
That's w h y y o u can see three social
h e n thev walk into my room is the file of all is m y ' u n u s u a l exam
colours awards hanging p r o u d l y o n
few words about wimpressive
the w a l l . I earned t h e m by m y
poster of me o n the wall w r i t i n g paper' file i n w h i c h I keep
all manner of fascinating and bizarre
in m y M a r k s a n d Spencer suit
b o y i s h p r a n k s i n the year of
paper.
is standard issue i n the
H a r b o u r - B r i d g e . I also have severe
his room in Beit, (which
U n i o n Office). Beneath my fine bust
d a n d r u f f , so I use H e a d a n d
By the side of m y b e d are a
is the caption ' w o r k i n g for the
shampoo as y o u can see
collection of m y favourite books.
something that U n i o n , working for y o u . ' Obviously U s u a l l y I read the t e l e p h o n e inShoulders
the p i c t u r e . M y coiffure is
there are some very gullible people
something that is very important, so
directory, but w h e n I don't feel like
I start each day w i t h a shampoo, set
excited I read Geoffrey Archer
we must all have atforICme.w h o believed this a n d voted being
and blow dry. But that's what being
novels, such as First Among Equals.
a sabbatical's all about; b o r e d o m .
I have a keen interest i n the
I am very handsome, but for some
wondered about reason the girls think otherwise. Just
in case one of them ever does find
attractive I keep a packet of
at some time. me
Mates h a n d y . They're lots of f u n to
play with i n your spare time, a n d
that's something that I've got a lot
of this year. For example, y o u c a n
put them over y o u r head and then
puff them u p full of air so that y o u
look like a spaceman, but if y o u fill
them too m u c h they explode B A N G ! ! ! The other thing I like to do
w i t h condoms is put them over the
end of the tap and fill them full of
water. T h e n I tie a knot i n the t o p
and throw it out of the w i n d o w of
my pl a yr o o m i n the U n i o n office
into Beit Q u a d - S P L A S H ! ! !
M y desk is very important; that's
where I play g r o w n - u p s . I have lots
of files, and sometimes I take them
all out and lay them out on the desk
in front of me. There are ever such
a lot, a n d they're all as boring as
each other. I have a file for every
facet of m y gloriously boring life,
M a r c h 22 1989
mm
1 take my appearance very seriously
FELIX
Page 11
e
•
Next year's sabbaticals: the boring truth
Name
N e i l Barry M c C l u s k e y .
Born
Bolton, 5th September 1964.
Education
St Thomas C of E Primary.
Bolton School (Boys D i v i s i o n ) .
Imperial College C h e m E n g
1984- 85.
Imperial College M i n Res E n g
1985- 89.
u-
L
Interests
Just about any sport but mainly
dancing
Travel, hitching, international
friendships
Cooking.
Likes
Socialising.
Entertaining.
C o m p e t i n g i n sport.
Dislikes
Disorder.
Dishonesty.
Dismemberment.
Plans for next year
Getting better deal for students.
T r y i n g to get sponsorship for
clubs and societies.
Try to involve self more w i t h all
of College.
G o to halls of residence for open
f o r u m meetings, so not just
relying o n U G M s for information.
Use P G ' s w h o have attended
other colleges for ideas and
contact.
A c c o m m o d a t i o n : Stabilise rents
at affordable levels.
M a k e more p r o v i s i o n for students
getting outside accommodation.
Forge relations between
international universities o n lines
of R S M international students
week.
Long term ambitions
W o r k i n any job p a y i n g
moderately well (pay off
overdraft) preferably i n L o n d o n .
Disappear a r o u n d the w o r l d for
12 to 18 m o nths. Longer term as
yet u n d e c i d e d , but w i l l use travel
experience.
M a r c h 22 1989
Name
David H a r v e y W i l l i a m s .
Born
St A s a p h C l w y d , 24th M a y 1968.
Education
Bryn Pennant Primary School.
H o l y w e l l H i g h School.
Imperial College, Physics 1986-89.
Interests
G o i n g to rock concerts a n d
b u y i n g records.
' G o o d time rock ' n ' roll boy'.
Photography—mainly people and
landscapes.
Collecting for Rag.
Likes
W i n e (pull the other one - Ed),
w o m e n and song (in that order).
Satirical h u m o u r as long as it
isn't racist, sexist, homophobic,
ablist
Dislikes
M o r n i n g after wine w o m e n and
song!
Waste and inefficiency.
Two-faced people.
Plans for next year
The usual D P things.
Make bar more popular and look
at Snack Bar.
M a k e sure U D H is refurbished.
M a k e sure people can't slip
though disciplinary procedure.
Develop further the idea of
U n i o n D u t y Officer.
M a k e sure that U n i o n is kept u p
to scratch.
Be a nice guy w h i l e at it.
N o t to embarrass m y sister w h o ' s
coming here next year.
Long term ambitions
Pay off overdraft.
Be someone w h o makes their
little mark o n the w o r l d .
D o something i n v o l v i n g travel
a n d w o r k i n g w i t h people.
O w n a TVR.
Name
Fiona Tamsin Nicholas.
Born
W r e x h a m , N o r t h Wales, 26th
December 1967
Education
Catbrook P r i m a r y .
St Briavels Primary.
O v e r m o n n o w Junior.
M o n m o u t h Comprehensive.
Imperial College, Biochem,
1986-89.
Interests
Rag.
Watching Rugby.
L o o k i n g after plants.
Cooking.
Likes
Taramassalata.
M e n with muscular thighs.
Crime.
Wine.
Dislikes
Football.
Dust.
Untidyness.
Bros.
Plans for next year
U G M s in the evenings so
everyone can come.
A s k P G s exactly what they want
ents-wise as they're not catered
for n o w .
Improve on publicity for all
U n i o n events, especially U G M s .
Try to get more co-operation over
all aspects of U n i o n .
Try to get places like Institute
Francais and A m e r i c a n colleges to
come to our events so there w i l l
be more w o m e n . IC's main
problem is lack of w o m e n ( Y a w n
- Ed).
D o what I can to help merge IC
and St M a r y ' s , e.g. exchange
publicity.
Long Term Ambitions
M y o w n profit m a k i n g business
(preferably a restaurant) by 45.
M y o w n e m p o r i u m by 50. Get
married, have four kids and live
happily every after. Die quickly
a n d painlessly. G o to bed w i t h
Charles Dance (as soon as
possible).
FELIX
Name
D a v i d G u y Smedley.
Born
Coventry, 13th January 1967 (a
Friday).
Education
Assorted primary schools.
Lawrence Sheriff G r a m m a r
School.
Imperial College (Physics)
1986-89.
Interests
Photography.
Used to play lots of role-playing
games (but denies membership of
w a r g a m i n g club!).
Likes raquet sports but hasn't
h a d time for them since being at
IC.
Likes
H a v i n g a good laugh, h u m o u r .
W i n e , w o m e n (pull the other one
- Ed) and song (no particular
order).
G o o d pint of N o 3.
G o o d bottle of claret or port.
Cigarettes, but has given them
upBlack Forest Gateaux.
The sort of weak tea that Bill
G o o d w i n makes.
Blue biros that leak in pockets.
C o m p u t e r s (but w o r d processors
are O K ) .
The little blue bits i n w a s h i n g
powder.
Plans for next year
Have a holiday
O p e n F E L I X u p a lot more
Get it away from ranting at the
U n i o n . G i v e people more of a
chance to contribute.
W o u l d like to start m o v i n g
towards more communications i n
F E L I X Office (another phone,
P A D line).
Change layout totally.
Articles more concise.
G i v e readers a l a u g h .
Long term ambitions
N o t much—doesn't plan that far
ahead
M a y go into journalism.
W o u l d never be accountant or
lumberjack.
M a k i n g hare pie seems a strange
w a y of s h o w i n g gratitude to hares,
but does not stray far from the
original reason for their presence in
Easter. T h e hare w a s a l m o s t
certainly used as the festival sacrifice
to Eostre.
For Christians, the Easter stories are
the stories of h o w Jesus Christ rose
from the dead and s h o w e d himself
to his followers. But the w o r d
'Easter' comes from the name of a
germanic pagan goddess Eostre or
Eastre. Her name means 'the d a w n '
a n d her festival, that took place
every s p r i n g , was about light and
w a k i n g u p to new life.
It was probably Saint Bede ( A D
673-735) from Jarrow in the northeast of England w h o first joined the
two festivals together. It was one
w a y of converting the pagans to
Christianity. This was the beginning
of Easter as we k n o w it.
T h e Easter Egg
\ o w a d a y s chocolate eggs are
probably favorites for Easter, but
this is a relatively recent a d d i t i o n .
For thousands of years people have
given hard-boiled or ' b l o w n ' eggs to
one another as gifts in s p r i n g .
Especially in Eastern E u r o p e a n
countries, a lot of time and care goes
into decorating these gifts. They can
last for m a n y generations, some
becoming family heirlooms.
For Christians they quickly came
to have a special meaning. They are
a sign of new life which is just about
to break out. O n Easter m o r n i n g the
rolling away of the stone was like
the breaking of an egg.
In the M i d d l e Ages it was the
custom not to eat eggs d u r i n g Lent.
The custom of boiled eggs for
breakfast on Easter m o r n i n g still
goes o n . For a long time it was
literally a breaking of the fast.
T h e Easter B u n n y
In many countries the Easter B u n n y
is said to bring the Easter eggs.
T h e s e are h i d d e n i n v a r i o u s
locations in the home and children
go on an 'Easter Egg H u n t ' . This
might be the most enjoyable Easter
past-time, h o w e v e r the use of
y o u n g rabbits as a symbol for Easter
is probably based o n a mistake.
Traditionally it was the hare, not the
rabbit, w h i c h was associated w i t h
Easter.
Some may have come across the
Easter h a r e i n the H a r e P i e
Scramble. The story of this custom
is about a lady w h o , many centuries
ago, was chased by a bull whilst
crossing a field. She was only saved
from being gored to death w h e n a
hare ran across the path of the bull
causing it to hesitate. In gratitude
the w o m a n gave some land to the
church on condition that the rector
of the parish s h o u l d distribute tw o
hare pies to the parishioners every
\ ear;
•
J
The E m p t y T o m b
By far the largest part of the Easter
week centres a r o u n d an e m p t y
t o m b . W h y is s u c h c o l o s s a l
importance attached to this tomb?
Because the body of a m a n called
Jesus C h r i s t was meant to be i n it,
and because this event causes
Christianity to stand or fall.
So what is said to have taken place
on that first Easter Day? Jesus h a d
died, executed o n a R o m a n cross
two days before. H e had been taken
d o w n from the cross shortly before
the Jewish day of rest (the Sabbath)
by J o s e p h of A r i m a t h e a a n d
Nicodemus, who had hurriedly
placed his body i n a tomb.
O n c e the Sabbath was over, a
g r o u p of w o m e n made their w a y
d o w n to the tomb to complete the
last funeral rites. They f o u n d the
stone sealing it r o l l e d away a n d the
body gone. N o t w a n t i n g their
expensive funeral spices to go to
waste they tried to find out where
the b o d y was.
Jesus later appeared to two of his
friends as they were w a l k i n g d o w n
the E m m a u s road. N o one believed
them. T h e n Jesus appeared to all the
d i s c i p l e s apart f r o m T h o m a s .
Thomas d i d n ' t believe t h e m . (Here
is the original ' d o u b t i n g Thomas'.)
T h e n Jesus appeared to T h o m a s .
Amongst
apparations
and
resurrections most of us just get lost
or c o n s i d e r it n o n - s c i e n t i f i c
nonsense, but m a n y have spent
m u c h time and effort, trying to
prove or disprove the Easter T o m b
Story. In the end they almost all
come up with four main alternatives
that have to be considered. They are
as follows:
1) A S w o o n by Jesus
After bein g w h i p p e d , nailed to a
cross, speared i n the side, Jesus was
registered as dead by the R o m a n s,
a l t h o u g h he o n l y l a p s e d i n t o
unconsciousness. T h e n after three
days i n the tomb, he got out of his
grave w r a p p i n g s , p u s h e d away the
stone b l o c k i n g the tomb entrance,
gave the R o m a n guard the slip a n d
sought out his depressed disciples
to successfully persuade them he
had risen f r o m the dead.
2) A F r a u d by Others
(Well if the Pharisees h a d taken the
body, they w o u l d have doubtlessly
produced it at the claims made by
the disciples of the risen C h r i s t . So
most consider if a fraud, then the
disciples d i d it.)
After beating back the R o m a n
guard, the disciples rolled away the
stone, took Jesus' grave clothes off
to leave t h e m b e h i n d , and then
w e n t a n d d u m p e d the b o d y
somewhere. Later they were to be
seen beaming w i t h joy a n d saying
Jesus Christ was alive.
3) H a l l u c i n a t i o n s by B e r e a v e d
Followers
The depression of Jesus' friends
caused t h e m to start hallucinating.
N o n e of t h e m ever got to the right
tomb, they just thought it was his
in their mental c o n f u s i o n . Others
then had hallucinations of Jesus
appearing to them. These were so
i'real' that even the u n b e l i e v i n g
Thomas got caught up in them. A n d
ithen
suddenly
all
their
hallucinations stopped.
|4) A Miracle by G o d
The story is as told i n the four
G o s p e l accounts, and G o d raised
Jesus from the dead.
C h u c k C o l s o n was an associate of
former U S president Richard N i x o n .
H e was i n v o l v e d w i t h N i x o n i n the
Watergate scandal of the seventies,
and along w i t h other conspiritors,
he was sent to p r i s o n . After prison
he spoke about Christianity and the
iforty years in w h i c h C h r i s t ' s
disciples never backed d o w n o n
their witness to the resurrection.
Colson k n e w from Watergate, that
the truth has a w a y of s l i p p i n g out.
;'We c o u l d n ' t h o l d our stories
^together for three weeks under the
.pressure.' he said,' I was around the
"most p o w e r f u l m e n i n the w o r l d ,
.but we c o u l d n ' t h o l d the lie. If the
resurrection w a s n ' t true, those
idisciples could never have held out.
Someone w o u l d have d u g out the
tap e
or
something!'
But w h y s p e n d any time o n Easter
ibothering about an empty tomb?
!Surely there are more interesting
(things to do centred a r o u n d Easter
:?ggs and bunnies.
M a r c h 22 1989
FELIX
Page 13
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I N C L U D E S SHERRY A N D C H A M P A G N E
RECEPTIONS, BUFFET M E A L ,
W I N E , C O C K T A I L S , B A N D , DISCO,
C A S H BAR, SUBTLY LIT GARDENS,
BREAKFAST & TRANSPORT.
U
for 89/90
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Page 14
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FELIX
M a r c h 22 1989
x
Shurley shome
mishtake—Ed.
The first heat of the Peter D o m i n i c
University
Blind
Tasting
Competition
took
place o n
Wednesday,
with
Imperial
regaining their previous form a n d
sailing through to the final as hot
favourites. A lack of time had meant
intensive practise over the last few
weeks for the team and this seems
to have paid off with Chris Edwards
gaining the-highest individual score
of 51 points.
The rest of the team (Claire
R u l t e n , N i c k Battersby, Steve
Ciargeft and K e v i n M c K o e n ) all
picked up good scores. This was i n
the face of difficult and u n u s u a l
wines, especially i n the whites
where a tricky Alsace was t h r o w n
in. The reds, although easier d i d n ' t
include the usual G a m a y , w h i c h
proved upsetting, especially for the
Cambridge team.
Overall, IC got 170 points w i t h
Cambridge trailing b e h i n d on 110
points, and not a bit pleased with
second place.
Thjis w i n comes as a welcome
boost to the Society, currently under
threat of having its grant w i t h d r a w n
by I C U n i o n for the purchase of
wine, p r o v i n g to those w h o doubt
the Society's integrity that they are
a worthwile a n d educational
organisation.
Winning competitions such as this
increase the Society's already h i g h
standard in the trade. The aim of the
Society is to give all its members a
chance to taste a wide variety of
wine, reflecting the many difficult
styles of wine available. O n l y b y
purchasing quality wine can the true
characteristics of a region or grape
variety be s h o w n , so the Society is
heavily dependent on its grant. (It
should be noted that the practise
tastings were funded independently
by the small number o f ' m e m be rs
who attended.)
If the Society loses its grant, it
could mean the end of a prestigious
Society whose reputation i n
university wine tasting is second to
none.
Kevin Barker of Peter Dominic Wine
Merchants interviewed b y Jens
Peterson.
The Imperial Wine Tasting Society
has bought wine from K e v i n Barker
at Peter D o m i n i c o n s e v e r a l
occasions. 1 w o u l d like to stress that
I'm totally independent of the
Society and have not participated in
tasting sessions.
M a r c h 22 1989
Sexy FELIX
Pin up
Do y o u believe that this quantity is
a large amount for a Society l i k e
this?
For thirty students w h o only taste
a small amount of each wine? W e l l
yes, that should be about right.
z
Out of interest. What q u a l i t y w i n e
does the Society buy?
It's rare that they buy cheap w i n e .
They tend to go for slightly more
expensive wine w h i c h , by most
people's standards, is in the u p p e r
end of the market.
Do y o u b e l e i v e that I m p e r i a l
C o l l e g e W i n e T a s t i n g Society is an
excuse for a party?
Definitely not. It's costing them
something. It's not exactly as if
they're g u z z l i n g wine d o w n .
Do y o u recognise the importance
for students to sample wines?
Of course.
If students want an alcoholic d r i n k
they c o u l d go to the p u b . W h y
s h o u l d C o l l e g e give t h e m the
chance to d r i n k w i n e ?
They're not d r i n k i n g w i n e , they're
tasting it. It's useful to discuss the
properties of w i n e . I could open a
bottle n o w and taste it myself, but
I'd be far wiser to share it and f i n d
out other o p i n i o n s . That's what
makes it interesting. T h e w i n e
market constitutes a massive trade.
It also has become a hobby for many
people. It really is a recognised
• trade.
Do y o u f i n d that trie present
committee are incompetent?
The three girls that come i n , y o u
mean? They have asked me for a
discount and I've given them one,
7% I think. H o w e v e r , I d o n ' t think
they k n o w the power that theii
Society holds. They could probably
get an even larger discount if they
came forward and put forward their
case.
T h i s week F E L I X presents gorgeous p o u t i n g Sez W i l k i n s o n . S l i n k y Sez
is a mathematics first year student. In her spare time she enjoys w r i t i n g
news for F E L I X a n d ice skating. Sez is not just a pretty face—she is a f u l l y
q u a l i f i e d bee keeper and has a fine collection of b a i l - p o i n t pens. H e r
a m b i t i o n s are to travel the w o r l d and meet people. Sez W i l k i n s o n is 92.
Are y o u surprised that I m p e r i a l
College U n i o n finance have plans
to w i t h d r a w some or a l l of its grant
to the W i n e T a s t i n g Society?
I h a d n ' t heard about that. But yes,
I am surprised. There are probably
other areas w i t h i n your university
w h i c h are not so important as the
W i n e Tasting Society.
T h a n k y o u very m u c h f o r y o u r
time.
FELIX
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Page 15
d
^ltta Bread and
Circuses
Once again FELIX is proud to present exotic
recipes from our erotic culinary expert Yishu.
Below is a complete meal as an example of Arabic
cookery. We cannot promise the same effects on
you as happened to Yishu (see dedication at the
end of this article) or perhaps there is a secret
ingredient i n Egyptian food.
It is always a joy to invite someone
to demonstrate a few interesting
dishes from their national culinary
diet or dishes w h i c h are their
particular favourites. I have
captured the magic of a meal w i t h
Arabic a n d especially E g y p t i a n
flavour i n this article so that it m a y
inspire y o u to arrange a meal like
this yourself.
The guest chef, Reem Bahgat, h a d
decided that she wanted to grace m y
table w i t h 'Fattet M a k d o u s ' (a fried
aubergine d i s h served o n a b e d of
crisp pitta bread pieces) a n d ' F o u l '
(pronounced fool; an Egyptian bean
dish). A little coaxing soon
convinced her to use the green
p u m p k i n that I had brought to make
her c h i l d h o o d favourite of 'karaassal' as a dessert.
The
Fattet M a k d o u s is a
Palestinian d i s h w h i c h makes g o o d
use of contrast to give it character.
The soft aubergine flesh sits u n d er
a layer of hot mince meat sauce but
above a layer of cool but nutty
yogurt a n d above a bed of crunchy
pitta
bread.
A
masterpiece
providing
contrast
of
both
temperatures and textures. The Foul
is a heavy bean d i s h that w o u l d be
seen served o n S u n d a y afternoons
w h e n one has n o t h i n g more to do
than have a siesta a n d digest the
l u n c h . Unfortunately the foul d i d
not excite me after the beauty of the
Fattet M a k d o u s . I have p r o v i d e d
recipes w h i c h are based o n the
observations that I made i n the
kitchen w h i l e the food was being
cooked, they were not p r o v i d e d by
the guest chef.
The three dishes below provide a
g o o d meal for six people:
Fattet M a k d o u s
Ingredients:
4-5 medium size aubergines
1 pint whole milk set yogurt
8-10 cloves of garlic
1 Ms tahina (sesame seed paste)
lib minced beef
1 this tomato paste
3 Ms pine nuts
5 medium pitta bread segments
2 medium size onions
Method:
1. C r u s h 5 cloves of garlic a n d
combine with the yogurt and tahina
paste. Set aside.
2. C o o k the mince beef i n the
normal w a y by f r y i n g the onions
and then a d d i n g the beef a n d
tomato paste. A d d some stock,
black pepper, ground coriander, salt
and cook to completion. The mince
beef s h o u l d not be too dry w h e n
cooked.
The dessert—Kara-assal
Ingredients:
1.5lbs of green pumpkin, skinned
and cut into small cubes
1 cup of water
'A cup caster sugar
3 Ms raisins
2 this walnuts, chopped
Ingredients for bechamel sauce
without the salt (milk, white flour,
butter, sugar)
3. Fry the pine nuts until lightly
b r o w n e d . Set aside.
4. Place the 5 leaves of pitta bread
in the oven at gas mark 5. Heat them
until they are dry and crisp enough
to be cracked into pieces. Set aside.
5. Stir a half tablespoon of tomato
puree into half a cup of water. Heat
a little bit of o i l a n d the tomato
preparation. C o o k for a few
minutes. Set aside.
6. W h i l e the mince is cooking, skin
the aubergines and cut them into %
inch thick slices.
Soak the
aubergines i n salted water for 15
minutes so that they w i l l absorb the
salt. D r y t h e m o n paper kitchen
towels. Wait until the mince is
c o o k e d . W h i l e the mince is kept
w a r m fry the aubergines o n both
sides until cooked.
Method:
1. Place the p u m p k i n , water a n d
caster sugar i n a p a n and put over
a l o w flame.
2. C o o k for 30 minutes, stirring
occasionally.
3. M a s h the p u m p k i n into a p u l p
and a d d the raisins.
4. Spread the mash into a 6 inch
square tray.
5. Prepare about half a pint of
bechamel sauce.
6. P o u r the bechamel sauce over the
p u m p k i n layer in the trav and
garnish w i t h c h o p p e d w a l n u t s
and or a l m o n d s .
7. Cook under a grill or in a very hot
o v e n (gas m a r k 6) u n t i l the
bechamel sauce develops a rouge
colour all over its surface. Be careful
not to b u r n this.
Serving
Place the crispy pitta bread pieces at
the bottom of a deep serving d i s h .
A d d 5-6 tablespoons of the tomato
sauce over the pitta pieces, followed
bv the yogurt paste. Spread the
aubergine pieces i n a layer over the
yogurt a n d finally pour o n the
mince. G a r n i s h w i t h the fried pine
nuts.
Serve the dish straight away. Eat
on its o w n or with some pitta bread.
Serving
The Kara-assal is normally chilled i n
the refrigerator before being eaten,
but I found it very enjoyable straight
from the o v e n .
The Foul
Ingredients:
3 cans of cooked 'Foul' beans
1 medium can of plum tomatoes,
chopped
2 medium onions finely chopped
6 cloves of garlic finely chopped
Fresh or dried parsley
Ground coriander
3-4 fresh green chillies, finely
chopped
Olive oil
I w o u l d like to dedicate this article
to Reem for being a temptress of the
palate. After enjoying such an idyllic
lunch at the hands of a lady I can
only end this article with a rhetorical
'will you marry me, Reem?'. Thanks
for the material for this article and
w h e n will y o u come a n d cook
again?
Method:
1. Fry the garlic i n olive o i l
2. A d d the onions a n d continue
f r y i n g until the onions turn b r o w n .
A d d the chillies a n d tomatoes.
Continue frying for several minutes
on m e d i u m heat.
3. A d d the beans f r o m the cans.
Salt, pepper a n d g r o u n d coriander
to taste. Simmer until beans are well
heated or transfer to an o v e n proof
dish i n a hot o v e n to be heated.
4. G a r n i s h w i t h freshly c h o p p e d
parsley and serve.
Page 16
FELIX
M a r c h 22 1989
s
Women at IC
e
by L i z Warren
There are roughly five times as many men at IC as women. How does
this imbalance of the sexes - 'the ratio' - affect life at IC? Can things be
said to be improving and what are the opinions of the women currently
studying here? Liz Warren investigates.
W o m e n have attended courses at
the various colleges and institutes
w h i c h were the forerunners of
Imperial College almost since their
foundation.
Annabella Homeria Pollock,
accompanied by her father, and a
M i s s W o o l s t o n attended classes in
Natural History in 1851.
There were one or two w o m e n
s tu d e n ts i n subsequent years,
including
Elizabeth
Garret
A n d e r s o n , w h o went o n to become
the first w o m a n doctor to practice i n
Britain.
The first w o m a n to actually obtain
a qualification was Elizabeth Healey,
who became an Associate of the
Royal College of Science ( A R C S ) i n
1884. By 1907, w h e n Imperial
College w a s f o u n d e d , about
eighteen w o m e n h a d taken the
A R C S and there were about nine
w o m e n still studying at the college,
all in the R C S .
IC has thus never been an entirely
male preserve, but it has certainly
been a male-dominated one. T h e
first w o m a n to gain a degree i n
M i n i n g was Julie A n n W i l s o n i n
1963; first class honours in Electrical
Engineering were only awarded to
a w o m a n , Susan Crease, as late as
1975. Yet in other ways Imperial has
been very advanced in encouraging
w o m e n scientists throughout its
entire history. D r A n n i e Whitely
w o r k e d f o r 36 y e a r s i n t h e
Chemistry Department, having
reached the position of Assistant
l
W h e n I first thought up the idea for
this feature, I h a d a n i n i t i a l
hypothesis that IC somehow made
w o m e n more 'masculine' through
being i n such a male-dominated
environment - hence the main title
of this feature. I had been brought
up o n the diet of ' o h , with the ratio,
w o m e n must have problems; they
all become either honorary m e n or
token w o m e n ' .
March 22 1989
Professor u p o n her retirement i n
1934. She was instrumental in the
invention of new methods of d r u g
synthesis d u r i n g the First W o r l d
War, a n d w a s also a f o u n d i n g
member of the Imperial College
W o m e n ' s Association ( I C W A ) .
I C W A existed to promote social
contact between w o m e n at Imperial.
It had its o w n r o o m in. the U n i o n
B u i l d i n g (which is n o w part of the
U n i o n Office) a n d its President sat
on C o u n c i l to represent w o m e n ' s
v i e w s t o t h e U n i o n . It w a s
disbanded i n 1981, its functions
being taken over b y W o m e n i n
Science and Technology (WIST), a
Social Clubs Committee Club. WIST
has n e v e r really r e p l a c e d th e
functions of I C W A , being viewed as
a m u c h more radical feminist
organisation a n d not appealing to
such a w i d e range of w o m e n
students. The loss of representation
of w o m e n in the U n i o n was felt and
resulted i n the post of W o m e n ' s
Officer being created i n 1985. A n
interview with its current holder,
G i l l K n o w l e s , is i n c l u d e d i n this
feature.
Some boys and girls
disgust, it seems, of the m e n
d r i n k i n g there.
The number of w o m e n students
continued to increase slowly, f r o m
about 25 i n the thirties to about 70
in the fifties, w i t h the number of
full-time w o m e n students (undergraduates a n d postgraduates)
exceeding 100 in 1959 a n d passing
500 i n 1977. There has been a rapid
increase over the past ten years and
this year saw the number of w o m e n
Despite these efforts b y th e students top 1000, a n increase of
U n i o n , it w i l l perhaps surprise
about 10% on the previous year.
many students to learn that w o m e n
This rapid increase is almost
were not allowed into the U n i o n bar
certainly due to the College's strong
until as late as 1972, w h e n a g r o u p
attempts to recruit more w o m e n
of w o m e n students discovered that
through efforts such as the I C
there w a s n o a c t u a l b y e - l a w
Women
into
Science a n d
preventing them drinking there and
Engineering (ICWISE) courses for
proceeded to ' i n v a d e ' the bar every
sixth form girls. ICWISE is described
night for a week, m u c h to the by its current organiser, Margaret
Cunningham, i n an interview
elsewhere in this feature.
O n e of the great steps taken by
College i n a c k n o w l e d g i n g the need
for more w o m e n at I C a n d i n
recognition of the special problems
they w i l l encounter as a minority
g r o u p was establishing the College
Tutor for W o m e n . Sandra D a w s o n ,
w h o has h e l d the post since it was
created, was interviewed bv F E L I X
and describes h o w she sees her role
in College.
So m u c h for history. H o w do the
w o m e n of IC see themselves todav?
What do they think of the social life?
M o r e i m p o r t a n t l y , w o u l d they
encourage other w o m e n to come
here? Perhaps one day there w i l l be
equal numbers of m e n and w o m e n
here and the issue of w o m e n at IC
w i l l no longer be an issue.
What I have discovered is that IC
attracts w o m e n w h o seem more
assertive than most, almost certainly
as a consequence of the sciencebased nature of the College, but it
is also something that is true of them
before they arrive. College does not
seem to have any effect o n them
b e y o n d what might be expected
from attending any other university.
I d o w o r r y that College, i n its
d e s p e r a t i o n t o attract w o m e n
students to IC may paint too rosy a
picture of life here. W o m e n may not
have problems because they are
w o m e n , but they are still likely to
of student life in L o n d o n w h e n they
get here?
H a v i n g said that, I d o n ' t want to
discourage anyone from c o m i ng
here if they're fully aware of what
it's like. I've certainly enjoyed my
time here.
Elizabeth Warren
have problems because thev are
students.
A friend of mine who was helping
on the I C W I S E course last year said
that w h e n he talked to the girls
during mealtimes and explained the
problems of h i g h rents i n L o n d o n
and high academic pressure at IC,
he was taken aside bv some of the
lecturers a n d told, ' D o n ' t tell the
girls that, we don't want to p u t
them off.' D o we really want to lure
w o m e n , or indeed any student, to
IC u n d e r t h e p r e t e n c e
that
everything in the garden is rosy only
to disillusion t h e m with the realities
FELIX
Credits: I'd particularly like to thank
Richard W i l l i a m s for all his k i n d
help in the College Archives, all the
people w h o gladly gave me their
time to be interviewed and Bill, w h o
helped a n d supported me w h i l e I
wrote this feature.
Page 17
s
FELIX interviews three women who deal with issues directly concerning women at IC
Gill Knowles-ICU Women's Officer
G i l l Knowles is a fourth year Mechanical Engineering student and has
been ICU Women's Officer this year.
What do you see as the central
aspects of your job?
I sit o n C o u n c i l and represent
w o m e n ' s points of v i e w . This
basically means e n s u r i n g that
n o t h i n g sexist or derogatory to
w o m e n is m a d e into Imperial
College U n i o n (ICU) policy. A l s o
I'm responsible for p r o v i d i n g such
things as rape alarms and transport,
h o m e for w o m e n after U n i o n
events. In addition I'm here if
anyone has any problems a n d fee?s
that they can't approach a member
of staff or Sandra D a w s o n (the
College Senior Tutor for W o m e n ) .
M y job is essentially to d o
whatever the w o m e n at IC want me
to do, w h i c h unfortunately doesn't
seem to be very m u c h . I have tried
h o l d i n g 'surgeries' a n d w o u l d be
h a p p y to h o l d one once a week, but
I don't get m u c h response.
What were your aims for the year
when you took up the job?
I actually took u p the job at the last
minute because nobody else h a d
stood and I felt it was important that
someone d i d the job.
What do you feel you have achieved
so far?
The organisation of transport a n d
rape alarms has been going w e l l .
I've also h a d some success i n
e n s u r i n g that reports to C o u n c i l are
not w o r d e d in a sexist manner,
because I believe language can
underline sexual stereotyping.
What other things would you like
to see happening?
• I've been t r y i n g to organise selfdefence classes but again I've not
had enough response to make it
possible to r u n a course.
What do you see as the main
problems facing women at IC?
Firstly let me state that m y remarks
are generalisations: they certainly
d o n ' t a p p l y to e v e r y o n e a n d
everything. I feel that the attitude of
College and the U n i o n is very 'maled o m i n a t e d ' a n d that the C C U
activities are 'male-orientated': the
'ten pints of beer i n the U n i o n bar'
sort of social event.
College as a whole, but w o m e n i n
particular suffer f r o m the lack of an
A r t s faculty, w h i c h is w h y the
Page 18
merger w i t h R H B N C might have
been a good thing, although I don't
believe it was good from the point
of l o g i s t i c s . I've also h e a r d
comments like ' O h , they w o n ' t fail
you because you're a girl', although
I don't think that attitude is so
prevalent any more.
I think w o m e n have difficulty
finding other w o m e n w h o think the
same way, as there are not so many
w o m e n to choose from, and so they
don't get the support they need.
The basic problem is 'the ratio' and
what it does to the social life.
A lot of w o m e n are obviously
h a p p y , since they haven't come to
see me.
Do you think men at IC have
similar problems?
I think that because of the ratio,
some m e n d o . IC has a reputation
for high flyers w h i c h attracts people
who w o r k all the time, and it does
n o t h i n g for the social life. W o m e n
are put off at school because they
see IC as either h a r d w o r k or h a r d
d r i n k i n g . W h e n m en graduate they
can have difficulty relating to
w o m e n because they've hardly
dealt w i t h them for three years.
Do you think ICU needs a 'Men's
O f f i c e r ' to cope with these
problems?
N o , I d o n ' t think it does. M e n
already have support because there
are so many of them, so at least they
d o n ' t need help i n f i n d i n g each
other.
What do you feel the attitudes of
the Union as a policy making body
and administrative structure are
towards
women
and
their
problems?
I think they're pretty good. I've h a d
a lot of support and help over things
like organising transport home a n d
rape alarms, particularly from N i g e l
Baker, Ian M o r r i s a n d Jen H a r d y S m i t h . N i g e l w a s also v e r y
supportive w h e n I suggested that
there s h o u l d be at least one female
subwarden i n each hall of residence
w h e n the future of subwardens was
being discussed.
I do feel very wary of bringing u p
' w o m e n ' s ' m o t i o n s at C o u n c i l
because I have the impression that
Gill Knowles, ICU Women's Officer
C o u n c i l w o u l d regard them as
trivial.
I feel that the C C U ' s do have a
bad attitude, that they are Tittle boys
playing at games', but as I haven't
been to any C C U events since m y
first year, I don't really k n o w what
their attitude is. I also don't approve
of tie clubs, but as they're not really
under U n i o n control a n d as block
votes have prevented their abolition
in the past, I don't feel there is a lot
I can do.
What do you feel the attitudes of
College towards its
women
students are?
I think that College are aware that
w o m e n students can have special
problems and that they are trying to
attract m o r e w o m e n
undergraduates. They have a College
Senior Tutor for W o m e n a n d there
is a W o m e n ' s Tutor i n M e c h E n g .
They are certainly aware of the
things they could and s h o u l d be
d o i n g . I think there is still a latent
sexism because College is male
d o m i n a t e d a n d t h i n g s change
slowly.
FELIX
I d o n ' t feel there is any reverse
sexism i.e. positive discrimation,
although perhaps w h e n they have
a number of candidates w h o are
equally able they w i l l take a higher
proportion of w o m e n . I think that
can only be g o o d .
From which people or organisations
have you received most support?
I have h a d a lot of support f r o m
Sandra D a w s o n , L i n z i Wishart (last
year's Women's Officer), Jen HardySmith and K a t h y Tait i n the U n i o n
Office, N i g e l Baker, w h o has h a d a
very thoughtful and positive
a t t i t u d e a n d D a v e , the I C U
Transport Officer, w h o has helped
enormously with the transport after
events.
Do you class yourself as a
'feminist'?
Do y o u mean i n the dictionary sense
or i n the ' p o p u l a r ' sense? A c t u a l l y ,
I ' d say probably both. It really
irritates me w h e n people say they're
not a feminist. The definition is,
after all, 'one w h o believes that m en
and
w o m e n are e q u a l ' a n d
everybody s h o u l d believe that.
M a r c h 22 1989
s
Sandra Dawson—College Tutor for Women
Sandra D a w s o n is one of two College Tutors w h o has special responsibility
for w o m e n , she is a lecturer i n the School of M a n a g e m e n t and has h e l d
her post as College T u t o r for the past two and a half years.
What do y o u see as the central
aspects of your job?
W h e n I was first appointed two
years ago I felt that my m a i n
responsibility was to ensure that the
needs and concerns of w o m e n
students were acknowledged a n d
met.
A lot of m y work is seeing
individuals with particular causes of
concern and I've also tried to set u p
networks of w o m e n students, so
that
some
of the
isolation
experienced i n some departments
can be overcome by introducing
w o m e n students to w o m e n in other
departments and other years. I think
there is a great tendency, with the
exception of some of the more active
societies, to become locked i n a
group such as one's year in the
department or one's hall.
I've also been concerned to try
and attract more w o m e n to come to
College through w o r k i n g with
schools a n d also through the IC
Women
into
Science
and
Engineering Courses, w h i c h I think
are excellent.
D o y o u feel y o u have had any
success?
A t the i n d i v i d u a l level, as I've
become more experienced in the
job, I've been able to provide help
for the minority w h o have problems
of particular concern, w h i c h have
varied f r o m personal relationships
and harrassment i n the broadest
sense.
At the group level, it's been much
more difficult. The meetings I've
o r g a n i s e d have o n l y attracted
minority support, but I think that's
true of anything at IC.
In previous years there has been
an informal postgraduate w o m e n ' s
group and we're n o w trying to
establish one on a more settled
basis. This s h o u l d allow more
involvement of w o m e n postgrads
and they w i l l be h o l d i n g their first
meeting, which will be advertised to
all w o m e n postgrads, next term.
In the area of w o r k i n g w i t h
schools and trying to attract w o m e n
to I C , we've f o u n d that the schools
are very pleased to receive both the
students a n d myself. I think the
major problem is the educational
system i n this c o u n t r y w h e r e
children have to make choices at 13
or 14, but we're usually invited to
talk to the sixth f o r m .
M a r c h 22 1989
I think it's very important to
encourage w o m e n students to go
back to their old schools (we can pay
their t r a v e l l i n g e x p e n s e s a n d
provide t h e m w i t h literature a n d
videos). I think that w o m e n just two
or three years out of school talking
about
their
experiences
is
immensely valuable.
Making
students into ambassadors is far
more effective than me, Margaret
Cunningham, or anyone else talking
to them.
What specific events have y o u
organised for w o m e n at IC?
W e l l , bas ically the w o r k I've
described above. I've also invite d
new w o m e n students to meet me
and other first year students a n d
I've tried to bring the activities of the
student group W o m e n into science
and technology to the attention of
w o m e n students.
What do y o u see as the m a i n
problems
facing women
at
Imperial?
I think that in some departments it's
still very m u c h a man's w o r l d ,
particularly because there are so few
women members of staff. The issues
of career choices a n d life after
graduation are very important and
I don't think there is a big e n o u g h
variety of role models. The w o r k of
H U B (run by the Rector's wife,
Clare A s h ) is vital i n contacting
female
ex-members
of
the
community (both staff and students)
and
organising lunches with
discussion of w o m e n ' s careers.
There is also the possibility of setting
up a W o m e n ' s A l u m n a e G r o u p ,
w h i c h c o u l d help i n introducing
w o m e n students to the range of
opportunities facing them after they
graduate.
who want to make a go of it a n d I
don't want to be an agent of d o o m
and gloom about it.
D o y o u t h i n k I C needs a T u t o r for
Men?
Most of m y w o r k as a College
Tutor is not actually concerned with
w o m e n , as I sit o n committees such
as A d m i s s i o n s Policy, Students'
Residence
Committee
and
Undergraduate Studies, although I
do
c h a i r the
Day
Nursery
Committee a n d I sit o n the Rector's
W o r k i n g Party o n the Recruitment
of W o m e n Students. I see myself as
a College Tutor, just w i t h a special
responsibility for w o m e n .
1 am persuaded that it's important
to have the special designation of
'College Tutor for W o m e n ' because
of issues like sexual harrassment
w h i c h may make many w o m e n
worried about w h o they actually go
and see, so it's a b o n u s for
individual work.
What do y o u feel the attitudes of I C
towards its w o m e n students are?
M a n y are positive, a few are
negative. I hope that by taking u p
specific issues and by trying to stop
isolation we can make it an even
better place.
Some
departments
have a
W o m e n ' s Tutor, but i n most cases
the d e p a r t m e n t s w i t h w o m e n
members of staff try to make them
take responsibility for the w o m e n
students. The basic problem is that
we need more w o m e n staff, so that
we don't have to set up these special
arrangements. After all, if there is
one female member of staff there is
no guarantee that she w i l l be
concerned w i t h pastoral or welfare
issues.
D o y o u feel it is a disadvantage that
y o u d i d n ' t study a science-based
subject?
N o , I don't. I've w o r k e d in the area
of industrial studies for so long I feel
I'm a member of IC, I don't think
i t ' s a m a t t e r for c o n c e r n or
comment.
D o y o u c l a s s y o u r s e l f as a
'feminist'?
I ' m someone w h o shuns labels. I
think they lead to more difficulties
than solutions. Personally, I think
that domestic life and professional
life are both important and I'd like
to encourage w o m e n to see that
they can have a strong positive
combination of b o t h . The critical
t h i n g is b o t h i n d i v i d u a l s a n d
organisations response to issues
such as childcare: IC are extremely
good i n that respect.
I do beleive passionately i n
equality of o p p o r t u n i t y , a n d I
believe that w i t h the contribution
w o m e n have to give to science,
industry or politics and the number
of w o m e n w h o figure i n significant
positions in those areas, that a lot
of talent is being wasted.
I think that some w o m e n students
are isolated to a degree, whereas
m en are less isolated. Statistically
there is more chance of m e n
encountering staff and students
w i t h w h o m they can discuss their
concerns. I think there's n o w quite
a sharp split between departments
such as Life Sciences i n the R o y a l
C o l l e g e of S c i e n c e a n d the
Engineering Departments.
I don't want to stress the negative
side. I think Imperial College can be
an exciting and interesting place for
w o m e n to be. W e take intelligent
and interesting w o m e n students
Sandra Dawson, College Tutor for Women
FELIX
Page 19
s
Laying myths to rest
H o w do the current female students at I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e (IC) see
themselves? What do they think of the m e n at IC and what do they believe
the m e n t h i n k about them? L i z W a r r e n i n t e r v i e w e d some of them to f i n d
out.
H o w do y o u see yourself?
A choice of several adjectives was
offered. A l m o s t e v e r y o n e saw
themselves as intelligent, w h i c h is
probably not surprising as they are
studying at Imperial. M o s t of them
felt they were quite self-confident
and
strong-willed: obviously
unconfident w o m e n do not come
here.
More than half saw themselves as
talkative, w h i c h at least goes to
show that w h e n m e n accuse w o m e n
of this fault w o m e n are aware of it!
Perhaps most surprisingly, i n a
place where w o m e n are supposed
to have problems, all of them felt
that they were o n the whole happy.
Although
all
the
women
interviewed believed i n equal
Women
Do women still see IC like this?
W o r k and Career
M o s t people felt that m e n and
w o m e n treated each other equally
academically, although there were
a few w h o thought that perhaps
both sexes had an overinflated view
of the other's ability. Certainly
nobody thought that m e n looked
d o w n o n the w o m e n at College.
There was a feeling that w o m e n i n
general performed better than men,
but only because they were more
highly motivated w h e n they applied
to IC and also perhaps because 'they
have more to p r o v e ' .
M a n y felt that some w o m e n
e x p l o i t e d their f e m i n i t y i n an
academic environment, but that
'fortunately, they are i n a minority'.
Everybody wanted to get a job
after leaving College, with a number
w a n t i n g to do research. They were
split e v e n l y o n w h e t h e r they
wanted to get married, although
nobody w o u l d give up work simply
because they had got married.
O n the question of whether or not
they w o u l d have children, a third
said yes, a third said no and a third
said they weren't sure. Those w h o
d i d want children still w a n t e d a
career and most of them w o u l d only
take a career break of about five
years. N o b o d y e x p e c t e d t h e i r
husband to give up his career for the
sake of the family.
It was pleasant to discover that
almost
no-one
had
been
discouraged i n w a n t i n g to study
science, though those that were
seemed quite angry about it. A large
proportion
of
women
had
attendended some sort of sixth form
course to encourage girls into
science, and most said that that h a d
been very encouraging.
in the Union Bar-in their traditional role?
Social L i f e
E verybody seemed to have more
male friends than female friends,
and most of them seemed to think
they h a d more male friends than
they w o u l d have done outside I C .
G i v e n the imbalance i n numbers
this does not seem strange. M o s t
w o m e n d i d n ' t seem to notice 'the
ratio', certainly not academically.
Some of them felt it could make
U n i o n parties unpleasant, whilst
others felt that as the w o m e n tended
to be more sociable it was less of a
problem than the basic numbers
might suggest. It was also suggested
that 'it w o u l d be less of a pro ble m
if it wasn't discussed so m u c h ' a n d
'there are more m e n than w o m e n
here. So w h a t ! ' Life scientists said
Page 20
opportunities, less than half w o u l d
describe themselves as a feminist
('one w h o advocates equal rights for
women'
Collins
English
Dictionary). This is u n d o u b t e d l y
due
to the c o n n o t a t i o n s
of
extremism and indiscrimate m a n hating that the w o r d has acquired
over the years.
Finally, one m y t h s h o u l d be laid
to rest: w o m e n do not come to IC
because there are five m e n to every
w o m a n . A l l the replies to the
question, ' W h a t were your reasons
for c o m i n g to I C ? ' mentioned the
academic reputation of the College,
together w i t h some w o m e n w h o
said they w a n t e d to s t u d y i n
London, but nobody gave 'the ratio'
as a reason.
they certainly d i d n ' t notice it.
M o s t w o m e n felt the social life
was o n the w h o l e good, but that it
w a s n ' t really p r o v i d e d b y the
U n i o n , a n d that one h a d to either
be in a good hall or make one's o w n .
M o s t w o m e n felt their was little
strain i n socialising, but some of
t h e m felt that some m e n could
become 'desperate' and very
'predatory'.
A l m o s t e v e r y o n e felt
that
contraception was the responsibility
of both partners, while most felt that
abortion was the responsibilty of the
w o m a n only, although a large
minority felt that both m e n and
w o m e n s h o u l d be i n v o l v e d i n the
decision.
Women at IC are self-confident and strong willed
S h o u l d w o m e n c o m e to I C ?
Quite a number said that it w o u l d
depend o n what sort of personality
she had and that if she was 'arty'
she s h o u l d go elsewhere. There
were a few emphatic no's, but the
reasons given were mostly to d o
w i t h the h i g h cost of l i v i n g i n
L o n d o n and the academic pressure
FELIX
at College, w h i c h they felt was
responsible for turning out rather
o d d people a n y w a y . H a l f the
w o m e n questioned said yes:
L o n d o n was a good place to be, and
that the degree was well respected.
There's hope that one day 'the ratio'
w o n ' t be discussed because it'll be
one to one.
M a r c h 22 1989
s
Margaret Cunningham-running ICWISE
Margaret Cunningham is the organiser of the Imperial College Women
into Science and Engineering (ICWISE) courses which aim to allow sixth
form girls to find out about studying science and engineering, and also
to find out more about Imperial College itself. She is currently the Senior
Tutor in the Department of Computing, has previously been College
Senior Tutor for Women and has successfully combined both a career and
a family. She studied at IC both an undergraduate and as a postgraduate
and after spending some time in industry returned to IC as a lecturer.
How many women were at IC when
you arrived?
There were just over 100 full time
undergraduates. Everyone was very
excited about that. There were about
40 fresher females.
and discussion o n careers in Science
and
Engineering, Laboratory
Sessions i n the Departments a n d
tours of College and L o n d o n , as
well as the chance to talk to students
and members of staff.
Were you yourself encouraged into
Science?
I was neither e n c o u r a g e d nor
discouraged. I was just allowed to
follow m y o w n m i n d .
How many subsequently study for
science-based degrees?
I think that the number w h o come
to IC each year is several d o z e n . It's
.certainly not all of them, as I thin k
the courses have a far w i d e r appeal
and are more general than s i m p l y
recruiting into science. I do think it
has been instrumental i n recruiting
to IC, t h o u g h . W e ' v e seen the
biggest single increase, 10%, i n the
n u m b e r of w o m e n students at IC
this year. I think the course helps i n
as m u c h as many girls are reassured
about what this part of L o n d o n is
like. There's a small proportion w h o
are put off s i m p l y because they
don't like L o n d o n .
Where did the idea for the ICWISE
courses come from?
They were an idea dreamed u p by
the Rector's W o r k i n g Party o n the
Recruitment of W o m e n Students,
which discusses a lot of general
issues but has mostly concentrated
on r u n n i n g these courses.
They were inspired by the Insight
into Engineering courses w h i c h w e
ran here every year they were held
except the first. In 86 w e ran both
Insight and I C W I S E , and we've r u n
I C W I S E for 87 a n d 88 as w e l l . I've
done the p l a n n i n g for this year a n d
the preliminary b o o k i n g for next
year. The course may or may not
h a p p e n after that, a n d I w i l l
probably step d o w n as organiser
anyway.
The ' t h i n g about the I C W I S E
courses are that they're shorter than
Insight. W e ' v e aimed to optimise
the length of the course w i t h the
number of w o m e n o n each course,
as it is all additional w o r k above
th e i r o r d i n a r y d u t i e s for the
lecturers w h o take part. The courses
last t w o days and there are 45 to 50
w o m e n on each course. W e ran four
courses in the first year, eight i n the
second year and four residential and
one non-residential course last year.
That gave the opportunity for more
girls to be i n v o l v e d as w e d i d n ' t
have to accommodate them and a lot
of t h e m were w o m e n w h o either
w o u l d n ' t want to live i n hall or
w o u l d be mature students. This
year all the courses are residential.
including
the
The
courses,
a c c o m m o d a t i o n are f r e e ,
to
encourage as many w o m e n along as
possible.
D u r i n g the course there are talks
M a r c h 22 1989
Do you think it is a good idea to
encourage women to come to IC?
I think it is, partly for the parochial
reason that it makes it nicer for the
girls w h o are already here, but also
i n the long term because i n d u s t r y
needs more qualified people.
I t h i n k th a t g i r l s are s t i l l
sometimes put d o w n w h e n they get
i n t e r e s t e d i n science a n d the
reassurance of an all girl course
helps - they're meeting girls w i t h
the same interests, possibly for the
first time.
What do you see as the problems
for women entering on science
based courses and science based
careers?
If y o u ask the careers people, I think
t h e y ' l l tell y o u they're the same for
w o m e n entering any career i n w h i c h
they are outnumbered, for example
the C i t y .
I think i n d i v i d u a l prejudice is
p r o b a b l y still a p r o b l e m , b u t
certainly the corporate v i e w of
w o m e n is i m p r o v i n g , s i m p l y
because of the need to e m p l o y
w o m e n because of the l a b o u r
shortage. C o m p a n i e s are realising
that they need to provide things like
day nurseries i n order to keep their
female staff. There still seems to be
a lot of prejudice about bringing the
two halves of w o m e n ' s lives, career
and m o t h e r h o o d , together.
motivated and more individual than
the m e n w h o come here. T h e y ' v e
had to answer the question ' W h y
are y o u d o i n g engineering w h e n
y o u ' r e a girl?'
What do you think are the attitudes
of IC towards its women students?
I think there are lots of different
attitudes. There is still the big social
disincentive of the 'beery, tribal
social life'. The line f r o m College,
f r o m the S e n i o r T u t o r s a n d
A d m i s s i o n s Tutors, is that they are
very keen that w o m e n here s h o u l d
f u l f i l their p o t e n t i a l a n d they
definitely want more w o m e n
students.
What is more disturbing is the lack
of female staff. There is still a greater
drop-out rate among w o m e n than
men because a career break can be
critical for w o m e n . There are only
about 35 to 40 w o m e n staff herr
There are quite a lot of contract
research staff but they d o n ' t have
security of tenure.
From whom have you received
most support in your work?
Because of this scheme there has
been collaboration between all the
departments for the first time. Each
department has had one member of
staff w h o has co-ordinated that
department's action, so I ' m grateful
to t h e m a n d also to the Research
Assistants w h o ' v e h e l p e d w i t h the
practical w o r k . W e have female staff
staying d u r i n g the courses and as
there aren't m a n y of them that
means there's been very good
support f r o m t h e m .
How do you think attitudes
towards women at IC have changed
whilst you've been at IC?
I think there has been a realisation
that w e need more female staff. I
don't think this was
even
considered w h e n I first came here.
I thin k it's sad that w h e n the
Imperial
College
Women's
Association went it w a s n ' t really
replaced, as it filled a need for social
contact. W o m e n students have
always held more visible positions
proportionately t h a n m e n . That's
probably because they're more
FELIX
Terry W h o d c o a t , the Assistant
A d m i s s i o n s Registrar, has h e l p e d
with the administration, particularly
w h i l e the c o u r s e s h a v e b e e n
r u n n i n g , a n d there have been
several students w h o have acted as
receptionists and h e l p e d w i t h the
day-to-day r u n n i n g of the courses.
There are also all the staff a n d
studenst w h o ' v e h e l p e d by c o m i n g
along to meals a n d talking to the
w o m e n o n the course.
D o you class yourself as a
'feminist'?
Yes, I d o , recognising that that
covers quite a w i d e range of v i e w s .
I believe i n equal rights a n d equal
opportunities, but the w o r d has
connotations and overtones put o n
it by its critics and it can i m p l y
extremism w i t h o u t pragmatism.
Page 21
Page 22
FELIX
M a r c h 22
1989
!
11
^ \
\
:
1
v
i
Will Doctor
Dragonspook
ask if Pussy is
on t h e pill?
Will Tad fail
his degree?
Will Ming M i n g
ever forgive
him ?
Is t h i s story
w o r t h a libel
writ?
Send your
answers on a
stamped
addressed
envelope t o
Ramin Nakisa
c/o t h e FELIX
Office.
M a r c h 22 1989
FELIX
Page 23
e
X
22
H 2019
A s we near the e n d of this second decade of the twenty-first century, it
is a f i t t i n g time to l o o k back. W h a t has happened to a l l those people w h o
controlled our lives thirty years ago? The obvious answer, and the correct
one, is that they are a l l dead. So, instead, we w i l l concentrate o n those
o r d i n a r y people, the complete non-entities of 1989 as T e m p u s Futura
continues his series:
Thirty years on
N i g e l Baker
N i g e l D . Baker was i n what he
believed to be the important job of
' U n i o n ' President back i n 1989. To
us, living in these enlightened days,
this may seem strange. M a n y of us
still remember the banishment of
Scargill, the last of the U n i o n
Presidents, by the Great Maggie i n
1993. But the U n i o n N i g e l ran was,
of a different sort, it c o u l d be
described as the 'students's social
club of what is n o w 'Imperial
College of Science, Technology,
M e d i c i n e , A r t s a n d Star Wars
Research p i c ' .
Historians are unsure of exactly
what the ' U n i o n ' d i d : m a n y of its
records were destroyed w h e n it was
forced to close by Sir Kenneth Baker
after a later president, Red Nicola
Fox, was found guilty of communist
subversion.
A t the close of his presidency,
N i g e l took a highly paid job w i t h
M o g u l o i l , but his true destiny lay
elsewhere and w i t h i n a year he was
standing for parliament.
Nigel
w a s selected
as
Conservative candidate for the Safe
Tory seat of Ridley o n the Oouse
• a n d was so successful that he was
e v e n t u a l l y elected
after t h e
boundaries h a d been m o v e d twice .1
H e soon became a'favourite of the
Prime M i n i s t e r a n d indeed it was
N i g e l w h o was chosen to pilot the
bill to abolish Parliament through
the C o m m o n s . The rest is history.
C h i l d r e n today are taught of the
accidental mass arrest of the entire
Page 24
Labour Party the night before the
vote and the subsequent, valiant
decision b y the government to
struggle o n with the debate without
t h e m . T h e vote i n favour was
u n a n i m o u s , a n d Parliament, the
bane of generations of Britons, was
never to be seen again.
But N i g e l ' s political t r i u m p h was
also to be his d o w n f a l l . W i t h n o
Parliament, he was w i t h o u t a job
and after L o r d N o r m a n Fowler
finally removed the last of the
scroungers and abolished the Dole,
he h a d no means of support. N i g e l
now lives i n a cardboard box o n the
roof of what was, before the Thames
flooded, the Royal Festival H a l l .
W e at F E L I X sent our ace reporter,
Sez W i l k i n s o n Jr., to find M r . Baker
and ask h i m h o w he feels after all
these years. She f o u n d h i m i n his
favourite spot o n the far side of the
b u i l d i n g and offered h i m a bottle of
meths as an incentive but w i t h no
avail. N i g e l w o u l d only mutter
vaguely about ' B l o o d y G o o d w i n ' .
A doctor, D r . P h i l i p D r e w , was
asked to examine M r . Baker o n
behalf of F E L I X . H i s diagnosis was
not h o p e f u l , before our money ran
out, we were t o l d that M r . Baker
h a d a severe m e n t a l p r o b l e m
making h i m an 'undesirable
vagrant'. W e h a d no choice but to
call i n the Police and we are sorry
to announce that N i g e l D . Baker,
former president of Imperial College
U n i o n was officially put d o w n last
Tuesday.
Bill Goodwin
W i l l i a m R o b i n G o o d w i n was one
of t h e last of t h e s o - c a l l e d
'independent' F E L I X editors.
Indeed, it was just two years after
his term that Rupert M u r d o c h
bought u p the newspaper a n d
replaced the editor with a computer.
Bills career had a less auspicious
start than N i g e l . H i s first jobs w i t h
A l p e n and the Pregnancy A d v i s o r y
Service were both terminated
suddenly and he w a s forced to
return to the one job he was really
capable of.
A s tea-boy o n the C h i p p i n g Sodbury Gazette, Bill met many
interesting people all of w h o m were
going to later be better p a i d than
himself. H e was, however, dogged
and persistent and w i t h i n a few
years he was m a k i n g the coffee.
Bill's big break came w h e n , o n a
f a c t - f i n d i n g visit to J o h n s o n ' s
Breweries, the papers entire news
staff fell into a vat of lager a n d
dissolved. The paper's owners, i n
desperation, asked Bill to stand i n .
It was a stroke of luck that Bill
happened to be in the 'Tebbit A r m s '
that day, the very d a y that it
collapsed into the C h a n n e l T u n n e l .
H e was just leaving the p u b w h e n
he heard what he later described as
a 'colloshal crash' and turned to see
the b u i l d i n g and half the village
disappear d o w n a hole.
1
H e was thus, the first reporter in
the country o n the scene a n d the
only one to file his report before the
military sealed off the area. H i s fame
was thus assured a n d he was soon
offered jobs w i t h the G u a r d i a n ,
Independent, Times and, the one he
finally chose, w i t h the S u n .
A s the S u n ' s Arts a n d Culture
correspondent he travelled the
country w r i t i n g , i n his o w n unique
style, of great events such as the Bob
Dylan
' W a l k i n g Frame a n d
H a r m o n i c a T o u r ' of 2001. It was
after this piece that Rupert M u r d o c h
sacked h i m .
The Gazettes offices are o n the
fifteen floor of L a w s o n Towers and
Bill's desk takes pride of place i n the
far corner, just behind a row a filing
cabinets and next t o t h e loo. W h e n
I met h i m , he was asleep i n h i s
chair, silly hat covering his eyes.
' M r . G o o d w i n , ' I said. H e w o k e
w i t h a start. ' M y name's S e z
W i l k i n s o n Jr. of F E L I X ' .
For a second he seemed engrossed
in thought.
' W i l k i n s h o n , y o u shay. D i d n ' t I
k n o w your mother.'
W i t h that, he offered to buy me a
drink and I'm afraid that was his last
intelligible statement.
Ian M o r r i s
Ian M o r r i s was Imperial College
U n i o n ' s 'Honorary Secretary' at the
time of Nigel Baker's presidency. A s
far as the historians can gather was
s o m e k i n d of e n t e r t a i n m e n t s
organizer a n d it w a s into the
entertainments business that Ian
went at the end of his year in office.
His film company ' W i c k e d W e n d y
Pro d uc tio ns' achieved both fame
and notoriety w i t h its original
interpretations many great w o r k s .
F E L I X obtained copies of many of
Ian's early w o r k s . H o w e v e r , the
office was recently raided b y the
Whitehouse-Rees-Mogg Thought
Police a n d the material has,
unfortunately, been confiscated.
Ironically, it was a raid b y the
same police squad that finally closed
d o w n W i c k e d W e n d y ' s for good,
five years ago. Ian n o w w o r k s as a
d o o r m a n at the ' L a M a i s o n ' i n
Soho.
C h a s Brereton
Chas Brereton was Nigel's deputy
in the late 1980s. H i s progress since
that time is s h r o u d e d i n mystery.
H e w a s reported to have first
obtained a 'job in the C i t y ' but from
then o n , no trace of h i m can be
found.
Bill returned to the C h i p p i n g S o d bu ry Gazette to the post of teaSome historians were beginning
boy c u m features editor where he
to doubt that he had ever existed at
remains to this day. O u r reporter,
all a n d one went as far as claiming
Sez W i l k i n s o n Jr. tracked h i m
that he was a fictitious character
down.
invented by F E L I X as an object of
Sez W i l k i n s o n adds:
ridicule.
I f o u n d Bill G o o d w i n i n the
H o w e v e r F E L I X have traced h i m
C h i p p i n g - S o d b u r y Gazette offices
to a small company called ' C o s a
just off Saachi Street. It w a s a Nostra Properties' w h i c h appear to
pleasant change to get out of the
specialise i n import and export. The
t o w n : to see the great r o l l i n g
reporter we sent to interview h i m
expanses of concrete that make u p
disappeared and was later found as
the beautiful British countryside, the
part of a bridge o n the M1276
vast mock-georgian h o u s i n g estates
m o t o r w a y . Since then three
a n d e v e n the occasional tree.
typesetter operators have lost their
C h i p p i n g - S o d b u r y is a t y p i c a l
hands in mysterious accidents and
Kentish village: a small c o m m u n i t y
two printers have been f o u n d
of stockbrokers a n d accountants
entangled i n the press.
l i v i n g traditional country lives i n
F E L I X regrets any inconvenience
traditional country ways, their only
we may have caused M r . Brereton
m e a n s of c o m m u n i c a t i o n t h e
and wishes to announce that it is
traditional Fax machine.
abandoning this line of research.
FELIX
M a r c h 22 1989
s
E
!
P
n
O
X
B
A
M
L
E
M
Imperial College
Humanities Programme
My life and achievements
by Nigel D Baker, Monday 24th April
Read Theatre, 1.00 to 1.03pm
Turkey—The Shocking Truth
Paul Barton, 25th April, Read Theatre, 1.00-1.30pm
Turkey Unveiled
Paul Barton, 26th April, Read Theatre, 6.00am-10.00pm
Turkey—I went there once
by the much travelled Paul Barton
Pippard Theatre, 1.00pm to 1.30pm
The proper use and maintenance of small carbon
dioxide fire extinguishers
Ian Gilliet, Great Hall, every lunchtime
How I solved the Great Train Robbery
Geoff Reeves, The Gent's Loo, Sherfield, 25th May.
Tribal Dances
John Smith, The Tower Ballroom, Blackpool, 1st June
How to keep your hair looking perfect in all situations
Ian Morris, the Roof of the Queen's Tower, 2nd June
The effect of gravity on large bodies
Sez Wilkinson, Rector's Office, 3rd June.
S
Why not borrow the
keys to the Queen's
Tower.
Contact John 'There
are too many bloody
students here already'
Smith.
g
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-Earl's Court Road
- U n i o n Bar
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FELIX
secret
M a r c h 22 1989
n
c
There is an uproar i n the media and
the public alike, about the novel
called Satanic Verses, although very
few people seem to understand the
fact that we have been addressing
the w r o n g issue so far i.e., the
freedom of speech. The fact of the
matter is that it is not the right of the
freedom of speech per'se that has
been contested by those w h o
c o n d e m n Satanic Verses; in fact it's
just the opposite ie, the abuse of this
so-called freedom, w h i c h has met
w i t h the most severe confrontation,
and
u n d e r s t a n d a b l y so. T h e
question we have to address is; does
anybody have the right to speak
w i t h o u t d u e r e g a r d to
the
consequences?
have a responsibility in what they
are d o i n g . It's disheartening to
k n o w that the law of blasphemy i n
this
country
is
based
on
discrimination without due regard
to faiths other than the Christian
faith. This needs immediate
attention, and the right of everyone
to be free from abuse and insult
must be respected, irrespective of
their faith. Clearly the government
have s h o w n double standards in
dealing with the issue of Satanic
Verses. Does the establishment w h o
sacked her minister because she said
'the eggs are contaminated' a n d
who spent millions to silence Peter
Wright have the right to lecture
about freedom of speech?
Do we have a n y t h i n g like
complete freedom? W h y do we have
laws of blasphemy a n d a race
relations A c t in this country, all of
w h i c h c u r b the f r e e d o m
of
expression? Is there any prcedent in
this country where books have been
removed from the shelves in the
public libraries?
O f course, without laws there
w o u l d be complete anarchy. A l l
speakers, actors, writers etc must
A s for Rushdie's book, it is not
about satanic verses. It is an attack
on Islam i n the guise of a novel in
w h i c h he insults the muslims and
tries his utmost to give a distorted
view of history and Islam. H e
ridicules the religious consciousness
of m u s l i m s a n d is g u i l t y of
blasphemy. Based on his book and
his comments, both o n television
and the newspaper, he is guilty of
apostacy. This is an extreme form of
Is the O a t h o n the Bible inherently
blasphemous?
' W i l l y o u take an oath on the Bible?'
they say, though even the most
ardent b l a s p h e m e r , l o n g since
g r o w n out of being ticked off w i t h
s u p e r n a t u r a l cautions f r o m his
elders and betters lest he tell a
p o r k y , feels himself shunted into a
corner and thinks he does his
h o n o u r a disservice by a l l o w i n g
himself to b o w d o w n to taking an
oath w h i c h they proffer to h i m . H e
rightly sees no ease i n refusing for
the extra nuisance it w i l l cause is
something he can w e l l d o without
and there is no dignity to be gained
b y c o n t r a v e n i n g himself b y
protesting he is an atheist simply
because his v i e w of G o d is not a
view they share. So what is he to do
if he is not to be reduced to the
taking of empty oaths?
H e r e is m y considered o p i n i o n .
If his demeanour is nothing w h i c h
w i l l w o r k to his disadvantage or the
Page 26
disadvantage of anyone close to his
heart he s h o u l d vyelcome the
opportunity to take the O a t h , he
s h o u l d grin broadly a n d say 'Sure!
Pass that Bible over. I'll most
certainly take an oath on it! W h y I'll
even spit o n it if y o u w o u l d like me
to.'
And
if h i s d e m e a n o u r
is
something vital then let h i m request
that the Co urt be adjourned for at
least three weeks to give h i m time
to read the d a m n t h i n g , small print
an' all, before he signs his Pact with
the A l m i gh ty. Is there a Court i n the
L a n d w h i c h c o u l d afford to refuse
such a simple request?
M y point is, of course, that the
Court itself treats an O a t h o n the
Bible w i t h the most contemptuous
triviality. A n d this is proven by the
law of Perjury, w h i c h , I contend, is
a blasphemous law by all noble
definitions of the w o r d 'blasphemy'.
A n d there is little point i n any
definition w h i c h is not noble. The
Law of Perjury assumes that the fear
'treason' and carries the retribution
of C a p i t a l Offence according to
Islamic Jurisprudence. There are
other books critical of religion but
they are objective. This one is
abusive, racist and slanderous. For
example he refers to one of the
Prophet's black companions as a
'black monster'.
So disgusting is the style that an
English speaker, while commenting
on the book, said T would like to kill
h i m for his a p p a l l i n g use of
English!'.
M r Rushdie a n d his associates
were invited to the Central Mosque,
in L o n d o n , in October to discuss the
contents of his book. H e completely
declined to accept. A S i k h leader
had also advised h i m not to go
ahead with the publication but he
p a i d no heed. It was clear to the
publishers that the material w i l l be
highly offensive. So clearly, the
stake was financial. This is therefore
a case where the writer has not only
ignored but deliberately slandered
and insulted the faith of 1.30 billion
people.
Let me take this opportunity to
offer the respected reader a quote
f r o m the letter of the Provost of
B i r m i n g h a m Cathedral, M r Peter
Berry, w h o wrote i n The Times,
'The West has become used to
religious feelings being ' o p t i o n a l ' ,
'extra', ' m a r g i n a l ' . M a y G o d ' s
peace and blessings be with M r
of G o d is sufficient to enforce the
telling of the truth but G o d is not
sufficiently mighty to chastise those
w h o lie. A n d so I say that the O a t h
on the Bible is a wicked extorting of
the truth by a legal pressgang which
cruelly manipulates the honest faith
of simple folk and wishes u p o n
them all manner of neuroses unless
they allow the State to stick its nose
into their business.
A n d to cap it all, this truth the
Court perfidiously expects w i l l not
be freely given unless a threat of
divine wrath is brought o bear, a
threat w h i c h the C o u r t itself
believes to be empty or it w o u l d see
no need for a L a w of Perjury.
A n d even if the truth be freely
given a n d u n d er O a t h still the
Court undermines the position of
the i n d i v i d u a l w i t h regard to the
FELIX
Peter Berry, as he has spoken the
truth in a w o r l d of widespread
moral laxity. After all, the real
c o m m o n g r o u n d that the people of
East and West may have is i n the
recognition of one G o d .
A b o u t the A u t h o r ; M B K h a n
travelled f r o m A f g h a n i s t a n to
P a k i s t a n b e f o r e the
Russian
invasion. H e completed his first
degree at the U n i v e r s i t y of Punjab
in C h e m i c a l Engineering before
travelling to U S where he completed
an M S and where he also w o r k e d
on a U S Dept of Energy research
project on Synthetic Fuels. M r K a h n
is currently persuing his P h D i n
Polymer Engineering at the Dept of
Chemical Engineering at IC. H e is
also a consultant with the Pakistan
Space and U p p e r A t m o s p h e r e
Research C o m m i s s i o n .
position of the State by retaining for
itself the right to disbelieve what is
s a i d , w h e t h e r u n d e r O a t h or
whether o n your M o t h e r ' s G r a v e ,
blatently flying in the face of the
faith they expect us to put i n its
authority in the first place. They
d e m a n d we place our trust in them
but do not extend the same trust to
us and yet at the same time they
have the gall to claim to be the
upholders of Justice. There is more
honesty of
intention i n a
straightforward Kangeroo C o u r t .
Even so, if I am to be hauled u p
in front of one or the other then
every time give me a kangeroo court
which does not see itself as such and
I w i l l h u r l m y contempt for it i n like
manner so they cannot ever afford
to see it as contempt as such.
M a r c h 22 1989
c
You're all Londoners—have you
toured much outside London?
Tim. O h yeah, In fact, we don't play
much i n L o n d o n . W e play r o u n d
Europe quite a bit.
m
This interview was conducted at the
Fulham G r e y h o u n d in late February
1989, and first broadcast on IC Radio
on M o n d a y M a r c h 13. I spoke to
Malcolm (singer) and T i m (guitarist)
from the band.
How do you see yourself these
days?
McC...I think we're trying to change
pop music i n some w a y , trying to
make it a bit more relevant to
people's lives, trying to relate it to
the world and not cut it off like it is
at the moment—most pop music is
pure escapism and has no relevance
lo anybody's life, so we feel we're
quite a campaigning group n o w ,
we're trying to say something a bit
more intelligent in a p o p song.
Most of your song titles have some
kind
of
obvious
message...presumably the lyrics are
developing these ideas?
Tim. Every record w e ' v e released
has had overtly political lvrics, but
we think that everything is political
a r o u n d us—we d o n ' t consider
ourselves similar to other 'political
bands'. There's a policy r u n n i n g
throughout everything we do, a n d
the music is just a framework for
what we have to say.
Someone was telling me that you're
making a video next week—is that
true?
Mai. Dreadfully true, yes. It's not
something that I find particularly
natural to d o . . W e feel reasonably
confident about m a k i n g records
now, but it was a l o n g process of
learning.
The video is for our n e w record
(Keep an Open Mind or Else). It
involves a liberal, arguing with
s o m e b o d y . A t first h e ' s v e r y
tolerant, saying yes, you're entitled
to these opinions, but gradually as
the song goes o n he's getting more
and more w o u n d u p by what this
other person's saying, so by the end
he's threatening h i m with violence.
We wanted to illustrate this i n some
way in the video. 1 though the most
obvious way to signify tolerance was
to give someone a kiss, so I'm afraid
someone's going to have to kiss T i m
on the cheek in the first verse—and
in the third verse they're going to
have to spit at h i m , T i m ' s not
looking forward to being spat at.
Where's your favourite place in
England to play?
McC. E d i n b u r g h ' s always good
Tim. W e l l I like London—I have to
have a b i g city, I can't stand
anything rural.
Mai. A l l the countryside s h o u l d be
built over immediately and be made
useful—I m e a n i t ' s c o m p l e t e l y
useless just sitting there d o i n g
nothin in particular—I think it's got
far too good a press up to n o w , i n
the
history
of
mankind!
Oh. That'll be good!
Mai. It's from the Bible—I'm always
reading my Bible.
Smashing
M c C a r t h y s new album is out
now—and the gig was dead good!
Love from Susan xx.
IC Radio have been scuttling about
i n t e r v i e w i n g p o p groups these last
few weeks. T w o M o n d a y s ago saw
I think you've just lost a lot of the broadcasting of a conversation
Green fans.
with M c C a r t h y and also w i t h Jesus
Mai.
G o o d , good! Goodbye!
Jones, recored at their recent gig at
A c t u a l l y . . . y o u do M a t h ' s don't
our very o w n gorgeous Imperial
you?
College. W e have taped interviews
w i t h Birdland and also the legendary
Gaye Bikers on Acid—both
to be
broadcast early next term—and i n
Yes.
the pipeline are the Rose of Avalanche
Mai. Because it occurred to me that
a lot of my songs are meant to be and Spaceman 3.
like mathematical propositions...
For further transmission times,
write to T o m C u n n i n g t o n or Susan
Appleby, c/or IC Radio, and keep an
eye out in the ' W h a t ' s O n ' c o l u m n .
Keep listening—999KHz M e d i u m
Wave, 9 7 . 7 F M test transmissions.
W e ' r e all h a v i n g a mega-happy
time.
(To Malcolm.) Are the whole band
behind your lyrics...it's not just you
'crusading'?
Tim. It's M a i ' s specific ideas—none
of the rest of us contribute to them,
but we all agree to protest about
what we don't like in the world and
what needs to be changed. N o n e of
us is unpolitical, though we have
differences of o p i n i o n in solutions.
Big Bov T o m a t o - U L U
Would you classify yourself as an
indie band?
McC.
Well
w e are o n a n
independent lable, but as a form of
music...we don't think about being
of
any
particular
category
m u s i c . . . w e a v o i d o v e r t l y rock
cliches and so o n , and we have our
o w n idiosyncratic brand of music,
which can't easily be p u t i n any
other category, w h i c h leaves the
horrible ' i n d i e ' tag.
It must be quite exciting—do you
think you're about to launch off
into major things?
Mai. Into space? Probably into
space. Once people find out what
we're saying, perhaps they w i l l
come to our houses a n d stone the
w i n d o w s . I hope so! That w o u l d be
the ideal reaction.
I d o n ' t think w e have any more
in c o m m o n w i t h any group o n an
indie lable than w e have w i t h
anyone o n a major label.
O u r i n f l u e n c e s are n o t
Mai.
generally musical influences—
they're f r o m art, or literature
particularly from the 1920s: Berthold
Brecht, John H a r t f i e l d , George
Cross, people like that. W e think
they have a similar way of going
about things to us. A m u c h higher
vision.
Well y o u ' d certainly get an
exclusive with the Sun then...You
still seem quite idealistic—so you
haven't been embittered by the
'pop world' yet.
McC. N o , I d u n n o w h y that is. It's
a very embittering thing, obviously
all just for money. But we're very
sure of what we want to d o i n the
group, and what w e want to see
h a p p e n i n g i n the w o r l d , so w e ' v e
got a lot of resiliance.
M a r c h 22 1989
You have a new album coming out.
Mai. Yes. 'The Enraged Shall Inherit
the Earth', due out in March.
(?*@*)
Mai
trying to get all the feeling
and vague-mindedness out, they're
meant to be very cold, logical and
precise, very accurate. 1 say a
proposition i n the first verse, a n d
someone will have to go along w i t h
that, another i n the second and so
on, a n d then 1 hit them with the
conclusions, a n d they're usually
horrified by the conclusions, but
because they've agreed with the
propositions earlier, they're i n
trouble.
I can't fault that. 1 hope you don't
lose the poetry though.
Mai. W e l l . . . . I ' m not that bothered
about poetry. Mathematical is what
I want really...The music T i m writes
is very emotional most of the time,
and the lyrics are always playing off
against the music i n some w a y .
FELIX
Big Bov Tomato have d i m p l e s . P u n k
packaged i n cute c l a d d i n g . Fronted
by a d i z z y g a l w h o peers
endearingly through a frizzy fringe,
tassles, o d d socks, oversized t-shirt
and baseball boots. She grins a n d
adore-me dimples appear i n h e r
cheeks. Surely this is not the face of
post p u n k nostalgic music. It i s !
A s w i t h most m o d e r n fast p o p
performers they shoot through a
funnv set p a y i n g more attention to
energy than technical mastery. The
d r u m m e r ( I ' m convinced he w a s
one of the great train robbers) beats
and bashes baldly. T h e 78rpm
rendition of Summer Loving gets the
crowd smiling.
They certainly have the right idea.
The only w a y to revive p u n k is
tongue-in-cheek. In this way there
is n o p r o s p e c t of a r t i s t i c a l l y
'spoiling' any piece because there is
no pretention i n v o l v e d and no one
takes it seriously.
They were a guitarist short tonight
but it didn't matter, with or without
they were w o r t h £ 0 of a n y b o d y ' s
money. See them or eat ketchup.
>
Page 27
s
e
L
L
E
G H E
0
T
1 L
K
H S
D
B U G G
H
T F
H B A T
U G S B
S
P U S
0
1 H
B u N N Y B
T
L A T
0
0
E
R Y
R
E
A G E
,
T
E
A G M A S
S
1. Buggs B u n n y
2. Chocolate
3. C h i c k
4. Battery cage
5. Easter
6. M y x o m a t o s i s
7. T h u m p e r
8. Octopus
9. Salmonella
10. E d w i n a
M D A S M G K W B A U H
J 1 L B G A
T D 0
P
E
E
A M X
R G M Y Y
R S
A
U F W M 0
E
L M 0
1 S
P D D R R T
N E
L A X
L
CRYPTAFELICAARITHMETICA
A H G is divisible b y 1 but not 2
B K K A is divisible by 2 but not 3
C J D F F is divisible by 3 but not 4
D H K ] is divisible b y 4 but not 5
C B A F E is divisible bv 5 but not 6
B G F B D is divisible by 6 but not 7
A J A is divisible b y 7 but not 8
A B D D C is divisible by 8 but not 9
D E J F K is divisible by 9 but not 10
Wacky
Easter
Chess
Problem
T w o egg-spert chess players were
p l a y i n g i n the Primelia College
Chess C l u b last week, a n d to a d d
some egg-citement, Egbert (white)
was trying not to w i n , but to have
his K i n g checkmated, but Shelley
(black) tried to avoid checkmating
Page 28
C H J H A is divisible by 11 but not 12
A to K (with the exception of 17)
represent the digits 0 to 9.Each
series of letters represents an integer
in base 10. There are no leading
zeros. W h i c h letter represents which
digit?
11 11
mm
mj
mi
mm
m i1
x
18
• •
. &
• OA
•• <,
v
•
•
•
h i m . The match h a d reached the
position above; (White to play and
lose and advancing u p the page).
H o w d i d Egbert manage to lose i n
three moves?
O n l y legitimate moves are allowed.
FELIX
M a r c h 22 1989
s
FILM QUIZ
X
X X X
Name the films these serial
numbers appear i n :
T H X 1138 (Clue: In more than
one film)
C B S 101
Number 5
ED 209
T H X 138 (Clue: Harrison Ford
was in the driving seat)
x
x
This competition is open to all except
employees of FELIX pic and their families.
The decision of the judges is final and no
correspondence shall be entered into. Any
entry by Dave Clements shall be 'lost' in
order to give the rest of the world a chance.
The prize shall be either a crate of L. Ron
Hubbard books (we're still trying to get rid
of them folks!) or a night out on the tiles
with a FELIX film reviewer (Mike doesn't
"are what sex you are!)
SEQUENCE
G i v e the next t w o sets of three
I
letters i n each of the following:
11
I.NGU
T O O G A I K O W 21
2.SA1
F O O Y I N W ' O R 1211
3.IAR
T Z E M I N H A R 111221
X
X
X X
X X X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X
X X
X
X
X
X X X
X
X
X
X X
X X
X
X
X X X
X X
X
X X
X
X X X
X
X
X
X
X X
X
X X
X
X X X
X
X X
X
X X X
X X
X
X X X
X
X X
X X
X X
X
X
X X
X X X
X
i , W h a t w o r d c o n t a i n s three
consecutive double letters?
6. What w o r d has all five vowels i n
alphabetical order?
C O M P L E T E THE
.
X
4 What six letter w o r d has three
-Alphabetics
.
X
Words
What common English w o r d has
no rhyme?
2. What eight letter w o r d contains
only one vowel?
3. What c o m m o n six letter w o r d
contains no vowel?
X
x j " x X x~ X X X
X X X
X
X X
X X X
X
X X
X X
X
X X
X
X X
X X X
X
X X X
X
X
X X X X
X X
X
X
X X X X
Prize L o n g D i v i s i o n
This is probably the hardest puzzle I've ever seen. Anyone who solves it will have
earned their fiver, as 'well as my eternal admiration. The object is to fill all the
spaces correctly, and the answer is unique given that the last nine digits of the
answer form a recurring decimal. In fact if anyone can do it I'll give them a fiver
of my own!
s
e
Ú ÛÜÝÞ S
Þßàáâãäåd
1.
å
7. Hea
9. Lame
æçèéêêe
10.
å
11. Mountainee
12. Sainted
ëìín
14.
15. Nile
ñ
16. îïð ïòóïn
DOWN
å
2. Lee
Ûã
ùßàáåäú
3.
e
4. Dale
Ûäåú
ãåù
5.
e
6. Valentine
8. Aliment
äåßúäl
9. I can
12. 13. Avid
•
8
9. The man is lame '
åäßýýe þÿ í the open minded
10. ü
Þá
äåäú e mention oþ the
II.
å
mountainee
.
1 5. Nile held till duty paid
16. Devilish castalian
M a r c h 22 1989
DOWN
å
ßåýßg danse
1. Lee at Ûã
ùßàáåäú
3.
e violation oþ
sanctity
Þä
4.
n pine d on the
dale?
ûäåt ãåùe
5. Musical
ßààýá
äùúáån valentine
6. 8. Bad aliment?
äåßúäl í
9. å
1 2. I can hea Indians!
ã áåa staå
13 Avid
4
•
9
•
10
II
ultiple brain cell clues
ÚMÛÜÝÞ
S
âãäåd above ôõö÷ø
I. Side
å
ãùúåßûh
7. Hea an
3
2
12
14'
•
FELIX
• •
• •
13
15
•
16
Page 29
e
t
Take-away foods have a b a d
reputation—but is it really deserved?
The short answer is Y E S !
T o d a y w e s p e n d almost as m u c h
money o n fast-foods a n d takeaways as on cooking at home. After
all, they are quick, convenient and
cost little i n time a n d effort. A n d
there's so m u c h choice! There are
nearlv 7,500 fast-food outlets in the
U K , not counting fish a n d chip
shops. Fast-food often gets a b a d
press—but is it really all that bad for
you? C a n y o u still eat the occasional
hamburger if y o u ' r e t r y i n g to live a
healthier life?
THE LOW D O W N
The reason most fast foods have a
bad reputation is because they're
h i g h i n fat. A n d eating a lot of fat
can increase y o u r risk of heart
disease. G o v e r n m e n t guidelines
recommend that fat should make u p
no more than 35% of your total daily
intake of calories. For example, if
y o u eat about 2,150 calories a day,
that s h o u l d n ' t include more than
84g of fat. If y o u eat a portion of
chicken and chips (which contains
between 45-56g of fat) or fish a n d
c h i p s (42-52g) y o u ' r e g e t t i n g
dangerously close to your full day's
allowance. Y o u might think p i z z a is
a better bet. N o t so. It's h i g h i n
calories a n d because of all the
cheese, the fat level can creep u p to
40g a p o r t i o n .
S
H
Junk-Food Company
Cals
C/hydrate
Fat
Protein
Sodium
McDonalds (279g)
Wimpy (320g)
King (326g)
y Jones (258gl
784
71.9g
80.8g
42.3g
44.4g
33.5g
1.546mg
34.5g
7ig
66.4g
50g
31.8g
35g
32g
1.495mg
1.324mg
n/a
850
938
663
of less than 5g a d a y , w h i c h is
equivalent to one teaspopnful.
H a m b u r g e r s , fried chicken and hot
dogs contain between 3-5g, w h i c h
is very close to your daily limit. A n d
how about that delicious milkshake
vou are drinking?
THE HEALTHY ALTERNATIVES
Fast food companies are gradually
becoming somewhat more healthconscious. W i m p y a n d Casey Jones
n o w produce a bean burger w i t h
more fibre and less fat than normal
hamburgers. If y o u are trying to slim
y o u cannot go far w r o n g w i t h a
jacket potato w i t h a low fat filling
such as cottage cheese. If y o u get
occasional cravings for an Indian
meal, don't worry be happy. Curries
aren't as damaging to your diet as
y o u might imagine—chicken korma,
pilau rice a n d a n o n i o n bhajee is
u n d er 800 calories. Indian food can
be h i g h in fat, so choose dishes like
lamb tikka a n d tandoori chicken
w h i c h are grilled i n spices a n d
yoghurt rather than cooked i n o i l .
Y o u might also think Greek. A large
kebab a n d salad is low o n calories
only about 500—and has about 16g
What about fibre? W i l l y o u get
e n o u g h if y o u eat a lot of fast food?
S a d l y not. Y o u only get 3 g i n y o u r
fish a n d chips, l g i n chicken a n d
chips a n d about 5g i n hamburger
and chips—not very good w h e n y o u
s h o u l d be a i m i n g for 30g a day of
fibre. Fast food often contains large
amounts of salt. The W o r l d H e a l t h
Organisation recommends an intake
D
Company
McDonalds
Pizza 89:#$;s
Pizza Hut
Spud-U-Like
Wimpy
Page 30
Product
!"
$%&'( *$
h and #
# )# s
+,-./01-y milkshake
234567
$%&'( *$
# )# s
n McNuggets(6) and #
<=$ *>(
# n Hot
Spicy hot pizza
A
Baked potato ?@ h cottage cheese & chives
& %$
Spicy bean B # #
& cheese and chips
FELIX
Calories
704
375
558
930
722
360
520
785
fat, 6g fibre and a good amount of
calcium.
A n d finally, if v o u are worried
about eating too m u c h fat a n d
developing coronary heart disease,
but still love fast food, try some of
the healthy alternatives some of the
better k n o w n junk food companies
have o n offer.
T H E BEST H E A L T H Y
ALTERNATIVE
Join I C U Health F o o d Society. W e
offer everyone something unique
and special; whether you're grossly
o b e s e , f a t , o u t of s h a p e , a
permanent junk food eater or a
normal weight and athletic sensible
fellow. Y o u ' l l get the chance of a
lifetime to enter the w o r l d of
healthy, delicious, junk-free,
international cuisine. T r y it for
yourself a n d come to o u r next
meeting, see details below:
1. Weekly outings to best healthy (ie
junk-free) f o o d restaurants at
previously negotiated discounts.
2. Regular outings to major health
cjubs i n L o n d o n . Some clubs offer
cheap sauna, Jacuzzi and massage
facilities.
3. Free e n t r y to l e c t u r e s b y
prominent health practitioners, food
nutritionists a n d w e l l - k n o w n
authors of health books.
4. A quarterly newsletter a n d
monthly circulars.
5. Free list of healthy and good food
restaurants.
6. Great fun competitions to educate
y o u r palate.
7. S u m m e r trips to health resorts
(abroad).
or further
For m e m b e r s h i p
information, see C l u b C h a i r m a n ,
A r d y Bayat (Life S c i 1), V i c e
Chairman M o Afshar (Computing
1), Secretary E l s a A r g i r o p u l u
( C o m p u t i n g 1) or Publicity Officer
Roger G o u d a r z i (Physics 1).
M a r c h 22 1989
l
The doubles tournament has been
w o n , in a gruelling and hard fought
final, by Saif G h o u s e ( C h e m E n g 2)
and Clive Roberts (Physics P G ) .
Their opponents took a 25 point
lead in the first frame but a timely
break defeated them o n the pink
ball.
The next two frames were lost
convincingly by the eventual
winners, with the balls being badly
placed for break-building.
After c o m p o s i n g themselves, S G
and C R came back determined to
w i n their £24 (wow!) prize money.
Thev played n o frills, sensible
snooker and kept their noses i n
front. In the e n d , both frames were
w o n comfortably.
g
Last weekend IC Sailing C l u b sent
a team to one of the premier
University team racing events of the
year: The Bradford Barrel. After a
w a r m reception i n B a r d f o r d o n
FridaV night, the teams arrived to
start racing o n Saturday at a time
considered by most teams to be far
too early.
The IC team sailed consistently
throughout
the
weekend.
Highlights included a w i n over the
s tr o ng horn team B r a d f o r d , a
confrontation with Edinburgh w h e n
we came out with big guns blazing
a n d a victory over the University of
L o n d o n team i n one of the most
exciting races of the series. We d i d ,
however, narrowly lose to the
eventual winners, S o u t h a m p t o n ,
whose team included two O l y m p i c
trialists.
A f t e r the p r i z e g i v i n g a n d
celebrations, i n c l u d i n g the sharing
out of the prize (the 'Bradford
Barrel') and a d i p i n the lake for
several people, the team set off for
h o m e after a v e r y e n j o y a b l e
weekend.
ladies came tenth out of 47 crews i n
their category.
K i n g s t o n H e a d of the R i v e r
Imperial crews f r o m a l l squads
entered the K i n g s t o n H e a d race last
Saturday, the p u n i s h i n g course
stretches along the Thames from
H a m p t o n C o u r t to T e d d i n g t o n
Lock.
The men's first eight, despite
being given a start position l o w
d o w n in the r u n n i n g order, put in
an impressive performance, coming
second overall in the event.
T w o days before the race, the
s e c o n d e i g h t ' s boat, k n o w n
affectionately as the 'Eric Bash', h a d
undergone drastic remodelling with
the help of some iron railings and
a freak gust of w i n d . Bandaged u p ,
he carried the crew to second place
in their category. A trail of steam
was left hanging over the course as
the novice men's eight raced to
victory i n their category. T h e
phenomenon was later put d o w n to
the animated conversation between
numbers five and six, rather than
the speed of the boat.
The ladies eight finished third in
their category.
t
Ladies H e a d of the R i v e r
O n Saturday M a r c h 3, the Imperial
College ladies eight competed in the
Women's H e a d of the River. Almost
200 crews were timed as they raced
the 4V2 miles f r o m C h i s w i c k to
Putney Pier (the Oxford-Cambridge
boat race course i n reverse). In a
closely fought competition, the
M a r c h 22 1989
U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n H e a d
Last Sunday, boat crews from all the
L o n d o n colleges competed in their
o w n head race; from Hammersmith
Bridge to the U L clubhouse near
Kew.
The m e n ' s first eight d i d not race
after their exersions of the previous
day. H o w e v e r , their strokeman and
club captain, Steve Pearson, defying
those w h o thought the stroke seat
was the most powerful position that
he could occupy, turned his h a n d to
coxing the 2nd eight, they d i d not
disappoint, coming first overall. The
men's novice eight came i n close
b e h i n d i n t h i r d place o v e r a l l ,
w i n n i n g their category by over tw o
minutes. This takes their total to ten
consecutive w i n s this year. T h e
ladies had an unlucky race and only
managed fourth place i n their
category.
IC
III—12
G o l d s m i t h s II—2
In their final game of the season, IC
got off to a great start, w h e n A d a m
Thomas made it TO after only 2
minutes. IC then started to play
some neat football but failed time
and gain to beat the offside trap. The
pressure continued and I C were
rewarded w h e n G a r y M a h o n e y
went through to score. Soon after
W e n d a l Charles scored w i t h a n
excellent 30 y a r d shot, a n d by halftime IC were 4-1 u p .
In t h e s e c o n d half I C tore
G o l d s m i t h s apart w i t h
some
devastating m i d f i e l d play f r o m
Christ Hargreaves, T o n i D e L e o n
and N e i l B o n d w h o scored w i t h a
brilliant solo r u n t h r o u g h the
defence.
Although
hard
pressed
G o l d s m i t h s occasionally managed
to penetrate the IC half, but were
easily contained b y I C defenders
Ivan P a r k i n , Sean C a r y and P a u l
N e v i l l e . Right full-back M i k e W i l k s
elected to play u p front for the
second half and managed to score
2 goals, c o m i n g close to a hat-trick,
as d i d G a r y M a h o n e y . A d a m
Thomas went o n to score 4 a n d
Teixeira got one after replacing Toni.
Goalkeeper G a r y Hastings h a d an
excellent game—counting planes
l a n d i n g at H e a t h r o w .
e
I C lsts—3
UC-0
Skipper N i g e l Collier w a s once
again the hero of the day, bagging
his second hat-trick i n consecutive
games, as IC swept aside a spirited
U C side to clinch their first ever
University of L o n d o n D i v i s i o n title.
P l a y i n g into the fierce w i n d and
driving rain in the first half IC found
it hard to establish themselves and
it was U C w h o made the early
running, playing the ball about with
some confidence and forcing several
b r a v e saves f r o m S H o l d e n .
However, Franz and the boys at the
back held firm and IC began to grow
i n confidence. Inspired in m i d f i e l d
by the return of Si Cole and by the
blistering pace of M i c k P l u m m e r
d o w n the right flank (aided, to his
o w n surprise, by Ivan Parkin), IC
began to impose themselves a n d
took the lead on the half hour w h e n
N i g e l slid the ball home from a
narrow angle. The goal of the game
FELIX
came ten minutes before the break
w h e n Nigel intercepted a clearance,
beat tw o defenders and d u m m i e d
the keeper to leave h i m o n his arse
as N i g e l gleefully s l i p p e d the ball
home.
W i t h the w i n d behind them i n the
second half, IC exerted almost total
d o m i n a t i o n b u t even w i t h the
addition of Pip Peel, could not break
d o w n the resolute U C defence until
20 minutes from the end w h e n Nigel
fired i n a l o w shot to complete his
hat-trick and put the result b e y o n d
doubt. Despite effectively losing the
services of P h i l Evans after a headbutt from P i p Peel, G u y Hattersley
covered superbly at the back and
indeed IC nearly added a fourth
w h e n B y r o n W o o d ' s late effort was
ruled offside.
This w i n over the t h i r d placed
team leaves IC three points clear
w i t h one game r e m a i n i n g and thus
guarantees
them
the
Championship.
Page 31
s
s
H a n d s u p everybody w h o has been
on the u n d e r g r o u n d recently but
hasn't seen a poster for Twins. What
were y o u both doing? This movie
has more h y p e attached to it than
A r n i e has muscles. There is a good
reason: films this bad don't sell
themselves.
(Arnold
Julius
Benedict
Schwarzenegger) is the perfect
specimen, and man of learning,
strength, vitality and inexperience.
A
product
of
genetic
experimentation, w i t h all the good
bits stuck together. H e even w a l k s
like Frankenstein.
Vincent (Danny DeVito) is his
younger t w i n , composed, it seems
of the genetic garbage. Taken away
f r o m his brother at birth, Vincent
has lived a lonely life, through an
orphanage, and n o w steals cars to
pay off the loan sharks who are after
him.
Julius arrives, l o o k i n g for his
family, and while his innocence and
naivety allow a couple of jokes
based o n A m e r i c a n culture, i n the
vain of Crocodile Dundee, they also
give V i n c e n t a n opportunity to
exploit his n e w f o u n d sibling.
Accompanied by girlfriends
M a r n i e a n d L i n d a y M a s o n (Kelly
Preston and C h l o e Webb), they
embark on a journey to Texas. Julius
is looking for his mother, Vincent is
l o o k i n g for money, the w o m e n are
l o o k i n g for love, the m o b are
l o o k i n g for Vincent, the hitman is
l o o k i n g for Vincent, money and
p r o b a b l y a little love too—he
probably never had a mother —and
the audience are l o o k i n g fruitlessly
for a halfway decent plot w i t h some
humour.
Twins was written especially for
D e V i t o and Schwarzenegger. The
idea came f r o m director Ivan
w h o also
made
Reitman,
Ghostbusters and is n o w w o r k i n g o n
a sequel. The pairing of the two
strikes an instant feeling of comedy,
the prospect of such opposites
starring together as brothers is too
attractive for the public not to flock
into cinemas e v e r y w h e r e . T h e
characters are even modelled on the
Page 32
y
accurate, but highly amusing, tale
of a y o u n g naive teenager w h o
believes everv mariage is like in 'the
m o v i e s ' , w i t h princes f i g h t i n g
valientlv for their princesses. The
mood is pacv and light, as the film
follows the attempts of V o s ' older
and more experienced friend to
educate V o s about the 'other sex'.
A moment of sheer g r i p p i n g terror
as V o s makes his initial tumblings
towards the first kiss, is brilliantly
captured. The tone becomes more
despondent though as his dreams
are slowly shattered.
Vos next appears as a sensitive
adolescent, w h o is suffering from
the most horrendous case of boils.
It follows his progress d u r i n g the
evening of his school p r o m . H e is
almost totallv w i t h d r a w n a n d
rejected, b a r o n e f r i e n d w h o
manages to instil hope i n V o s ,
despite his desperate situation. In a
scene where Vos manages to finally
get are the bitter recollections of a
sadly exploited tart. H e r ' s is the
voice of the major role and the voice
of the narrative, (The two being
contrasted as c o l l o q u i a l s l a n g
a weakly
scripted
against
heightened authorial comment.) In
the first half of the play Fisher acts
By Stephen B e r k o f f , M a n i n the a caricature of a wide boy and Smith
plays the abrasive y o u n g w o m a n .
M o o n Theatre C l u b , 392 K i n g s
She takes us through the contrasts
R o a d , t i l l M a r c h 25.
of love's aspirations a n d the sordid
Somebody give these people a
and disappointing realities of her
decent script! The Volcano Theatre
o w n experiences: waiting hopefully
C o m p a n y erupt w i t h guts a n d
by the phone for 'someone nice' to
p o w e r . Thus its is a surprise to find
ring; screwing surreptitiously
them squandering red hot larva into
standing u p i n the h a l l w a y .
Berkoff's shallow a n d murky
waters. W h y such storm troopers
In the second half of the action
s h o u l d be m o u n t i n g a mercy
Smith plays a w o m a n ' s eye v i e w of
mission to rescue this mortally
a w i d e b o y a n d Fisher acts a
w o u n d e d piece w a s a p u z z l e I
caricature of a shy w a l l flower.
c o u l d n ' t solve. T h e vigour w i t h
Smith swaggering menacingly as
w h i c h Fern S m i t h a n d Stephen
Fisher loiters hopefully i n the stale
Fisher expand this play b e y o n d its
and boozy twilight of a Mecca disco
false promise leaves the impression
night. A l l of w h i c h is carved out
t w o doberman
pinchers
of
brilliantly i n a stark choreography of
ravenously devouring a slice of wet
carnal lust a n d gender conflict.
quiche. This is kissogram delivered
But the rumble of the verbal
by the S A S .
assaults is robbed of all capacity to
Billed as a piece w h i c h presents 'a
shock since this is an unintentional
strong
uncompromising and
portrayal of the woman-as-victim. A
assertive image of w o m e n ' , what we
habitual victim w i t h the b a c k l a s h '
m
actors to such a degree that the film
proves to be exactly what y o u ' d
expect, except f u n n y .
The message w h i c h the movie
gives is the importance of family ties
to a full and happy life, and the film
is at least successful o n that count.
N o w s h o w i n g exclusively at the
Y o u can't fail to notice A r n i e ' s hefty
M e t r o , is the startling debut of
arm shoving that d o w n your throat.
Belgian
director
Dominique
Everyone concerned has achieved
Deruddere. Crazy lave consists of
m u c h better i n the past, a n d
three episodes, based on the short
consequently
t h i s f i l m is a
stories a n d writings of Charles
disappointment. If v o u really need
B u k o w s k i , k n o w n to most as the
a lesson i n b r o t h e r h o o d t h e n
character w h o inspired (and wrote)
Rainman is o n around t o w n , and far
Barfly. The narrative concerns itself
s u p e r i o r . T h o s e o f y o u w h o with the sexual escapades a n d
succumb to the hype, I hope v o u
failings of H a r r v V o s , d u r i n g
enjoy it more than I d i d .
varying stages of his life.
Andrew Clarke.
Vos is initially seen in a cuttingly
bitterness to match. She is the girl
with a reputation. She is M a r y from
Eastenders. S h e is the girl w h o
wants only love a n d w h o gets only
sex. A n u n h a p p y 'adolescent' w h o
has failed to get a grip o n her life,
w h o has failed to grow u p .
The thing about a play concerning
a w o m a n w h o has failed to grow up
is that it has no audience. A n adult
w i l l o n l y v a g u e l y recall s u c h
pubescent traumas and at best w i l l
respond w i t h backstage offers of
'problem
line'
counselling
telephone numbers. A youngster,
unless a victim of equally disastrous
sexual first experiences, is unlikely
to sympathise w i t h the w o m a n ' s
point of v i e w unless out of some
melodramatic sense of adolescent
comradeship The show is also billed
as 'unsuitable for c h i l d r e n ' , i n a
d e l u d e d over estimate of its ability
to shock, thus excluding the final
age group. ( A l t h o u g h a few blasts
of dinosaurs Gary Glitter and T-Rex
w h i c h punctuate the action s h o u l d
perform that task quite adequately.)
most patriarchal of times a n d
civilisations. It is a terrible thing that
themselves
some w o m e n f i n d
w i t h i n a life w h i c h fits w i t h
B e r k o f f ' s pessimistic ' P o i n t of
V i e w ' . A n unintended conclusion
might be d r a w n that the kinds of
progressive t h i n k i n g typified by
w o m e n ' s liberation are painfully
slow to take on a reality amongst the
w o r k i n g classes whose intellectuals
were their original champions. For
w o m e n in such a situation a note of
o p t i m i s m is the least that Berkoff
might have offered i n his ill-advised
blunder into difficult cross-gender
territory.
D o n ' t cancel a n y p r e s s i n g
appointments for this one but if you
find yourself near the K i n g s Road
then b o t h the v e n u e a n d the
company deserve your support. The
play is only an hour l o n g a n d gives
you the measure of this enthusiastic
and energetic company. The M a n in
the M o o n itself is a lavish, relaxed
and friendly pub and venue twenty
minutes along the K i n g s Road from
Sloane Square. M e m b e r s h i p i n
This is not the feminist play it
advance for only 40p. O b t a i n all
might seek to be. W o m e n with more
d e t a i l s f r o m b o x o f f i c e 351
character, r e s o u r c e f u l n e s s a n d
independence have lived i n the 2876/5701.
FELIX
M a r c h 22 1989
s
get a dance with the girl of his
dreams by e m ba l m i ng his head i n
toilet paper, Deruddere manages to
combine the h u m o u r and humanity
of the situation to an i n s p i r i n g
degree before letting reality flood in
again as the girl leaves h i m after one
dance, and Vos realises that in order
to notch u p this minor victory he
h a d to w r a p h i m s e l f u p i n
'shit-paper'.
In the final chapter, V o s has
degenerated into the mould of fullyfledged a d u l t . D e v o i d of a n y
commendable morals, he still seeks
his princess, unable to see h o w
bankrupt h i s soul has become
d u r i n g the pursuit.
Throughout the film D u r u d d e r e
manages to-bring Bukowski's text to
life, injecting wit, pain, anguish and
an overall sense of the impossibility
of innocence.
the m i d d l e of the t o w n is a theatre
where
a
performance
of
The film examines and exposes as
M u n c h a u s e n ' s stories is taking
false, the ideas we have about h o w
place. The public love the play,
sex should be embarked upon a n d
except
for the one Baron
also that classic of modern cinema
M u n c h a u s e n . The Baron stops the
narrative ' T h e male f r i e n d s h i p ' .
p l a y a n d tells it h o w it i s .
Despite being involved i n three
M u n c h a u s e n insists that he started
close mle friendships, V o s is rarely
the war by enraging the Sultan and
c o m f o r t e d o r h e l p e d b y their
that only he can stop it. In order to
Baron M u n c h a u s e n told stories. So
intervention. H e is only made more
beat the T u r k s , M u n c h a u s e n
incredible were these stories that a
aware of his shortcomings.
escapes the t o w n in a balloon made
play was written about t h e m .
Unfortunately, the advertisers
M u n c h a u s e n lived i n the 18th of knickers a n d sets out to find his
old servants. T h e Baron has a
have s o u g h t to i n c r e a s e this
century a n d fought for Prussia
stowaway—the
ten year o l d
success by
excellent
film's
against the O t t o m a n E m p i r e ; for
daughter of the theatre boss.
proclaiming that it is 'sexually
M u n c h a u s e n fighting the Turks
explicit' and 'strictly for adults only'.
involved flying to the moon, talking
M u n c h a u s e n a n d the girl, Sally,
The explicitness of the f i l m is
to the gods i n M o u n t Etna a n d
bring together a gang of four nearly
emotional, not sexual, a n d the s u r v i v i n g being s w a l l o w e d by a
super-human men w h o are n o w all
capability to endure this is not
giant fish.
old and weary. A l l is not lost though
governed by age.
The film starts in a besieged t o w n
and their adventures give the Baron
Noel Curry.
ruled by an elected civil servant. In
youth so he and sally can inspire the
The
o
s
n Munchausen
little band of m e n . The Turks are
defeated a n d the t o w n is saved.
E x - P y t h o n , Terry G i l l i a m , directs
this lavish, comic and theatrical film.
The expense (£43 million) is always
evident i n the sets, costumes a n d
effects. T h e style of the film is
reminiscent of the theatre where the
film starts. Similarities to both Brazil
and Time Bandits are clear; G i l l i a m
sees these two and Munchausen as
a trilogy. It is all good to look at,
especially V e n u s .
This film ponders a little o n the
link between fantasy a n d reality,
being the story of an old m a n w h o
lives forever though his fantasies.
Essentially-it is a comic adventure
w h i c h , although not a laugh a
minute, is sometimes hilarious and
always s u m p t u o u s .
Patrick Smith.
Harry sets out to find the real
culprit, but it is only a matter of
time, before he w i l l become the
target.
PREVIEW
e
l
'•The Dea4 Pool is the fifth of the
Dirty Harry films, and the first since
Sudden Impact five years ago. Once
again it is set and filmed entirely o n
'location in a n d around S a n
Francisco.
After his political excusions to
. secure the local ice-cream parlour,
Clint Eastwood has returned to
make just what y o u ' d expect. The
storv includes the cliched foil of the
n e r v o u s y o u n g partner a n d a
romantic interest i n the form of T V
reporter Samantha Walker (for once
played bv Patricia Clarkson a n d not
Sondra Locke). A n d of course, there
is a large measure of death a n d
destruction.
Inspector Harry Callahan (Clint
Eastwood) is back o n the streets of
San Francisco, dispensing his usual
mix of justice and violence, as ever
o n the edge of trouble with h i s
superiors a n d City H a l l .
Harry is n o w a media celebrity
and if something should happen to
his well-being the ratings are liable
to soar. Bored movie director Peter
S w a n (Liam Neeson of Prayer for the
The Dead Pool was received poorly
Dying and Suspect fame) draws u p
in A m e r i c a , b u t f o r a l l i t s
a list of the ten people least likelv to
survive the year, and Callahan is at o v e r w o r k e d a n d s t e r e o t v p e d
substance it can still claim M r
the bottom.
Eastwood, a n d he remains one of
A s you might guess, there follows
a series of violent murders as the cinemas biggest c r o w d pullers.
members of the list are eliminated
Release date A p r i l 14.
i n sequence. Swan is prime suspect.
A n d r e w Clarke.
M a r c h 22 1989
FELIX
Page 33
s
INTERVIEW
n
They made for an u n l i k e l y - l o o k i n g
trio—the grey-haired, bright eyed
director and the two actors, one
y o u t h f u l and sporting a crew-cut
hairstyle and permanent smile; and
the other m i d d l e - a g e d , l a c k i n g
something i n inches and h i d i n g
(rather unsuccessfully) behind what
m ay very well grow to be a beard.
A n d yet the c o m m o n sense of
contentment and relief shared by
Barry L e v i n s o n , T o m Cruise and
Dustin H o f f m a n was there for all to
see, a n d the reason for this might
just have something to do w i t h the
somewhat
surprising
but
undoubtedly
emphatic
and
commerical success enjoyed to date
by their n e w f i l m Rain Man.
Comfortably seated in a p l u s h
suite i n L o n d o n ' s M a y f a i r Hotel,
Director L e v i n s o n , sunglasses and
all, betrayed none of the fatigue that
he must n o w be feeling after a
rigorous promotional tour prior to
the f i l m ' s British o p e n i n g this
m o n t h . H e spoke i n a relaxed
manner about the problems a n d
anxieties w h i c h plagued the making
of the film—he was the fourth
director to join the project, and he
confessed that 'If it h a d been one
week later, I w o u l d have had to say
n o ' ; such was the pressure of time.
H e a c k n o w l e d g e d that there were
a l w a y s g o i n g to be i n h e r e n t
problems i n v o l v e d in m a k i n g a film
a b o u t a u t i s t i c b e h a v i o u r , but
stressed that 'the movie does not
pretend to make a clinical study of
autistic savants', and it was w i t h
obvious delight that he described as
'one of the most pleasing things
about the m o v i e ' the very m a n y
c o m p l i m e n t a r y letters he h a d
received f r o m parents of autistic
children.
However, Levinson reckoned that
the hardest aspect of m a k i n g the
film was 'trying to see if an audience
w o u l d be involved in two characters
in a k i n d of evolution without any
sort of p l o t - s t u f f , and he was
unreserved i n his praise of his tw o
stars. W h e n 1 asked whether he had
been wary of w o r k i n g with an actor
of Hoffman's 'reputation' he smiled
and admitted ' I ' d heard all the
stories', but nevertheless remarked
that 'It was never a d i f f i c u l t
situation.. .in
terms
of
a
collaboration it was great.' M o r e
interestingly, while acknowledging
H o f f m a n ' s greatness in the role of
Raymond Babbitt, he refused to play
d o w n i n any w a y the contribution
of T o m Cruise; 'The tw o of them
make the great performance—it
couldn't have w o r k e d without T o m
just as it couldn't have w o r k e d
without D u s t i n . '
This v i e w was echoed by D u s t i n
H o f f m a n himself; 'It wasn't just me
playing the part. T o m was p l a y i n g
the part, the director and the crew,
too.'. W h e n asked h o w he h a d
' f o u n d ' the part of R a y m o n d
Babbitt, H o f f m a n replied s i m p l y ,
'Just with a lot of help!', I had a year
of research—not because I w a n t e d
it, but producers kept t u r n i n g it
d o w n ! ' . It was clear nevertheless
that his preparation h a d been
meticulous—he spoke with feeling
and knowledge about the problems
experienced by autistic individuals
a n d about his m a n y discussions
with leading medical experts'on this
s u b j e c t ; he e m p h a s i s e d
that
everything i n the f i l m (for instance,
Raymond's
astounding
mathematical powers and ability to
instantaneously count a pile of
toothpicks) was based o n fact, and
lamented the fact that T k n o w that
most of those w h o see the film don't
believe i t ! ' .
The rapport between H o f f m a n
and Cruise is crucial to the film, and
it seems to extend to the actors' offscreen relationship as w e l l . W h e n I
tried to suggest that they might have
experienced difficulties i n regarding
each other as brothers (at 51,
CCCCCCDE
'
H o f f m a n is twice C r u i s e ' s age),
Cruise (also wearing a pair of dark
glasses—do all Americans share the
same misconceptions about British
Februaries?) merely laughed at the
suggestion; T told h i m I didn't think
he looked that o l d ! ' , while H o f f m a n
denied that it h a d posed any
problems, although he d i d admit
that T first thought ' H o w the hell
can we be brothers?". Certainly, the
results are most convincing.
Neither actor (both h a d been
i n v o l v e d i n Rain Man f r o m very
early o n a n d h a d to suffer the
frustration of constant set-backs and
several changes
of
director)
disguised the fact that they had been
far f r o m optimistic about the f i l m ' s
chances of success—as they both
declare i n u n i s o n ' W e thought we
were going to get the shit kicked out
of u s ! ' O f course, such panic is n o w
only a distant memory, a n d over
$110
million
and
8
Oscar
nominations on, they can afford to
laugh
about
their
previous
nightmares.
As
Hoffman
hell
remembered,
' W h o the
expected a blockbuster? Three
directors w a l k e d out, and we kept
saying ' W e l l , w e ' v e got two guys,
•one is physically autistic, the other
is spiritually autistic...!'.
O n t h e q u e s t i o n of O s c a r
nominations, I tried to provoke a
response f r o m Barry L e v i n s o n , but
he refused to deviate f r o m the
standard, guardedly-modest line;
' I ' m so pleased I got nominated, but
I can't
feel myself
getting
Page 34
FELIX
c o m p e t i t i v e . . . y o u do not sit a n d
think w h i l e y o u ' r e m a k i n g the film
' G e e , I ' m g o i n g to w i n some
awards!'. H o f f m a n was rather more
original in his response; obviously
a n n o y e d that T o m Cruise was not
o n the A c a d e m y short list, he put
this d o w n to his good l o o k s ! — ' T o m
s h o u l d have been nominated; he
k n o w s w h y he wasn't, I k n o w w h y
he w a s n ' t . . .If he h a d had this nose
(indicating
his
own
rather
prominent proboscis) he w o u l d
have been n o m i n a t e d ! ' .
H o w e v e r many golden statuettes
Rain Man collects o n M a r c h 29 (and
I w o u l d guess that it w i l l pick up a
h a n d f u l at least), the future looks
d i s t i n c t l y b r i g h t for M e s s r s .
L e v i n s o n , Cruise and H o f f m a n .
After Tin Men a n d Diner, Rain Man
s h o u l d have the effect of finally
establishing Barry L e v i n s o n as one
of the top filmmakers in H o l l y w o o d
today, whilst also serving as proof
that yes, T o m Cruise can actually
act. A s for D u s t i n H o f f m a n , whose
status as a silver screen legend is
already assured, he is l o o k i n g
forward to his forthcoming West
E n d appearance as Shylock (hence
the blossoming bristles). I asked h i m
about the comparisons between the
two m e d i u m s of stage a n d screen;
he said that he relished p e r f o r m i n g
i n front of a live audience, w h i l e at
the same time he preferred the
p e r m a n e n c e of the c i n e m a as
opposed to the immediacy of the
theatre—he concludes, however,
that overall 'It's just nice to w o r k ! '
So m u c h is true, but then again if
y o u are D u s t i n H o f f m a n (or Barry
L e v i n s o n or T o m Cruise for that
matter), it's also nice to k n o w y o u
d o n ' t have to.
Bill Dale.
M a r c h 22 1989
n
C h a s Brererabbit
This week I have been investigating
the subject of D o g biscuits. A s many
of y o u w i l l k n o w , D o g biscuits are
important for strong teeth a n d a
shiny coat. They contain valuable
minerals such as iron, calcium and
p r e s e r v a t i v e s s u c h as s o d i u m
benzoate w h i c h increases the
natural lifespan of our four legged
friends.
Carnival
The U n i o n is h o l d i n g a carnival o n
W e d 22 (tonight) w h i c h is the last
dav of term, so a long lie in is the
order of the d a y .
The event will be bigger than
usual with bands both upstairs i n
the Concert H a l l a n d downstairs i n
the L o u n g e .
In additition there will be a casino,
disco and comedy, plus a bar until
2.00am. Tickets are £ 3 in advance
(£4 o n the door) and are available
from m y office i n the U n i o n . Please
buy early to avoid disappointment
like the last C a r n i v a l w h i c h sold out
by 9.45pm
Ian Morris,
ICU Hon Sec.
There are many different types of
dog biscuit, for example bonio
w h i c h takes its name from Borneo,
which is a country. Spillers produce
two types of biscuit; ovals a n d
shapes. The shapes are particulary
valuable because they i m p r o v e a
dog's spatial awareness. They come
in several colours and the f o l l o w i n g
shapes; diamonds, bones, ellipses,
and squares. But if you want to keep
vour dog's coat very shiny there are
no substitutes for charcoal biscuits.
V i k i n g s let the cakes b u r n . M r s
Spiller was so a n n o y e d that she
threw the cakes o n the floor. But
amazingly, her pet Sausage D o g
s w o l l o w e d the cakes w i t h great
gusto.
This
incident
marked the
beginning of a Cottage Industry
w h i c h i n later y e a r s
would
revolutionise the w o r l d .
D o g biscuits s h o u l d always be
served with water.
N i g e l Beaker
Life is full of d i l e m m a s . S h o u l d I
accept a £20,000 a year job w i t h
M o g u l O i l or an £18,000 a year job
w i t h the Territorial A r m y , bearing
in m i n d that it includes a free
company armoured personal carrier.
1 have had so many offers, but I
have no o p i n i o n o n the matter. It is
up to y o u to decide a n d I w i l l be
raising these questions at the next
U n i o n General Meeting.
It is a little k n o w n fact that K i n g
A l f r e d invented the d o g biscuit in
870 A D . The story is very long and
boring w h i c h is w h y I must tell it
here. The K i n g , under threat f r o m
the V i k i n g s was i n h i d i n g i n a hut
in a forest. N o w , the lady w h o
o w n e d the h u t , M r s Spiller,
h a p p e n e d to be baking some cakes
and she asked the k i n g to look after
the oven for her. B u t the K i n g
whose m i n d was preocupied b v
It's be c o m i ng rather tedious, the
number of interviews I've h a d .
C o m p a n i e s are practically falling
over themselves to seduce me into
their evil empires. I just tell them to
go away; I don't want power, status
or m o n e y . I just w a n t to save the
whale. There w i l l be a march i n
protest to the n u m b e r of job offers
I have recieved next Saturday. Meet
underneath the arch at 10am.
X
E
d
S
y
e
e
!
e
m
e
3.00pm in the FELIX Office today
(bring a bottle)
Followed by trip to Texas Lone Star
and the 'Ferret & Firkin' pub
ALL WELCOME
M a r c h 22 1989
Gill Knowles
ICU Women's Officer
FELIX
Page 35
s
s
Finance, not surprisingly, is the stuff
of w h i c h College news is made.
A n t i - L o a n s marches, A U T action,
rent strikes, ceaseless computer
thefts and successful Rag raids all
verify this.
Undoubtedly the most publicised
events of this term have centred
a r o u n d the battle against loans.
T e r m started w i t h a lobby of
Parliament by 170 IC students. The
action w a s not only a notable
success in the area of external affairs
but was supported by the College's
G o v e r n i n g B o d y , the Rector a n d
most Heads of Departments, w h o
rescheduled lectures for the
afternoon. A lobby of the D E S ,
some weeks later, saw the three
U n i o n Office sabbaticals h o l d i n g a
seven hour vigil, and leafleting
eminent members of the education
hierarchy i n c l u d i n g M r K e n n e t h
Baker M P .
Three Union Office
sabbaticals held a
seven-hour vigil
W i t h tedious repetition we have
read about the N U S march i n
N o v e m b e r , the ' n o n - o r g a n i s e d '
march o n February 1st: a notable
success despite the w i t h d r a w a l of
the N a t i o n a l U n i o n of Students
( N U S ) , the University of L o n d o n
U n i o n ( U L U ) and our o w n U n i o n ,
the educational shutdown on March
16th a n d finally the two-mile long
N U S demonstration which included
a large c o n t i n g e n t f r o m t h e
Association of University Teachers
(AUT).
The A U T themselves
have
stimulated the pens o n the F E L I X
newsdesk o n numerous occasions
this term. E x a m disruption w a s
threatened i n the first issue of the
year, f o l l o w e d b y threats of not
m a r k i n g w o r k a n d not grading
m a r k e d w o r k . The Rector said little
o n t h e m a t t e r to F E L I X b u t
expressed his disapproval of the
action i n a letter to The Times. The
U n i o n investigated the possibility of
students sueing the A U T , a n d
barristers
felt t h e r e w a s a
w o r t h w h i l e case o n the students'
part.
F r o m external politics to internal
politics a n d the biggest 'stir' of the
t e r m came i n the f o r m of a
s e e m i n g l y i n n o c e n t m o t i o n at
C o u n c i l w h i c h suggested the
abolition of U n i o n General Meetings
( U G M s ) , thus leaving C o u n c i l the
top decision-making body i n the
U n i o n . C o u n c i l voted to take the
motion to a U G M a n d all hell was
let loose. The aim of the p l a n was
to produce a body of people w i t h a
Council voted to take
the motion to a U G M
and all hell broke
loose
a number of achievements this term.
The appointment of a new Welfare
A d v i s e r has been u n a n i m o u s l y
applauded. The U n i o n Building has
received a large upgrade in security,
with the installation of a new lock
system, and the o p e n i n g of a new
security lodge at the door of the
building. The issue of the new keys
was so limited that the FELIX Editor
had to fight hard to receive a key to
the F E L I X Office.
The term's most unproductive
upset i n v o l v e d heated talks a n d
endless reams of writing about the
possible merger of Imperial College,
fair representation from St M a r y ' s ,
which has recently merged with St
w h o claimed they were unable to
M a r y s , and R o y a l H o l l o w a y a n d
attend IC U G M s . The U G M w h i c h
Bedford N e w College, w h i c h itself
ensued saw the highest attendance
has just merged. A w o r k i n g party
of the year, and the 'abolition'
set u p to discuss the advantages a
motion was crushed by 150 votes.
m e r g e d i n s t i t u t e w o u l d enjoy
decided in favour of the plans, but,
A s soon as one drama is over,
in the light of the difficult financial
another one begins. After months of
situation of the two colleges w h i c h
s p e c u l a t i o n a n d r u m o u r s , the
face a joint deficit of £6.5M by 1992,
sabbatical
candidates
finally
r e v e a l e d t h e m s e l v e s , a n d t h e the entire discussions merged into
election battle began. W i t h twelve
candidates standing for the four
posts, the battle p r o v e d to be a
to ug h one. St M a r y ' s votes were
disqualified o n the grounds that
their Executive had 'deliberately
biased the elections'. After IC votes
were counted it became evident that
the St M a r y ' s vote w o u l d not have
been capable of c h a n g i n g the
election results, and members of the
U n i o n expressed fears that the
decision w o u l d have a detrimental
n o t h i n g w h e n a meeting of Heads
effect o n the a l r e a d y f r a u g h t
of Departments rejected the plans.
discussions between the t w o
External forces have p r o v i d e d
U n i o n s . In one term St M a r y ' s h a d
more dramatic upsets in the latter
lost their fight to abolish U G M s and
half of term. Bristol University had
their voting rights. Discussions o n
its m a i n a d m i n i s t r a t i o n b l o c k
a merger between the two U n i o n s
bombed by Animal Liberation
were d r o p p e d .
Activists, a n d shortly afterwards
Bristol University had
its main administration block bombed
by animal liberation
activists
The internal relationship between
F E L I X and U n i o n President N i g e l
The appointment of a
new Welfare Adviser
has been unanimously
applauded
Baker remained equally fraught.
After several heated arguments an
agreement was reached, w h i c h was
passed at a U G M . Next term the
F E L I X Editor and the President are
to ' s w a p ' jobs for a week, i n a n
attempt
to e n a b l e
each to
understand better the pressures of
the other's job.
The U n i o n have received credit for
security at IC reported that they had
received a number of 'suspect'
phone calls. Biochemistry rapidly
increased their security but A p p l i e d
Biology felt there was no need.
of b o m b s w a s
The threat
overshadowed
when
FELIX
an
outbreak
of
reported
Legionnaires Disease i n College.
College Secretary, John Smith, w h o
FELIX reported on an
outbreak of Legionnaires Disease
is rumoured to be leaving at the end
of the year, wrote to all students
i n f o r m i n g them of the dangers and
symptoms, and ventilation cooling
towers
were
closed
down
throughout College and the Science
M u s e u m as possible sources of
infection.
The U n i o n has witnessed more
financial upset, this time from the
College bookshop w h i c h is £16,000
in debt, w i t h little explanation for
the lost money. The College has lost
vast quantities of money i n the form
of computer thefts, though whether
this is n o w news is d u b i o u s . Rag,
h o w e v e r , have seen a h i g h l y
successful year financially, though
they look set to face legal fees after
threats to take the Editor of the Rag
M a g to court over the 'offensive'
material it contains.
Just to prove that students will be
students, the usual number of clever
and
amusing
pranks
were
Then there was the
world's biggest
candle...
witnessed College-wide a n d d u l y
reported in F E L I X . The G u a r d i a n
diary reported that the brass plaque
from the Iranian Embassy was
possibly not on its w a y home but
just a r o u n d t h e c o r n e r , a n d
p i n p o i n t e d first City & G u i l d s and
then R o y a l College of Science
mascotry m en as responsible.
T h e n there w a s the w o r l d ' s
biggest candle, w h i c h overnight
became
a
money-measuring
thermometer, the type of w h i c h
hang
outside
'pseudo-poor'
churches and charity organisations.
W h e n charity did rear its head in the
f o r m of C o m i c Relief, Q u e e n ' s
Tower donned the biggest red nose
around, visible from Marble A r c h to
H a r r o d s ' beauty salon.
Shocking story of a
roof collapsing
Politics and finance aside, F E L I X
f o u n d space to bring y o u those
unique news stories that tell their
o w n tale, like the ' w o m a n stripper
i n the Sports Centre' story, and the
tale about eight members of I C
A m n e s t y International G r o u p w h o
trapped themselves b e h i n d barbed
wire in the JCR and ate bread a n d
water for twelve hours. Finally,
there was the shocking story about
a roof c o llaps ing...Do things ever
change?
F E L I X is p u b l i s h e d b y the E d i t o r for a n d o n behalf of I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n P u b l i c a t i o n B o a r d a n d is p r i n t e d by the I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n P r i n t U n i t , P r i n c e C o n s o r t R o a d , L o n d o n , S W 7
2BB (Tel 01-589 5111 ext 3515). E d i t o r : B i l l G o o d w i n . Business M a n a g e r : L i z W a r r e n . A d v e r t i s i n g M a n a g e r : N i c k Jones. C o p y r i g h t F E L I X 1988 I S S N 1040-0711.
l
featuring
D
S
E
H
plus comedy
with
O
N
d
,
,
BAR TILL 2am
S and
y
n
s
l
e Union,
e
t Road, SW7