Document 6515496

How to Bring Out the Best
in People at Their Worst
AACRAO 2010
Session 213
Presenters:
Julia Pomerenk, University Registrar
Washington State University
Nancy Krogh, University Registrar
University of Idaho
What We’ll Cover Today
•Lens of Understanding
•What Part of Our Brains Are We
Using?
•Communication Strategies and
Tools
•Developing a Plan
Lens of Understanding
Normal
Zone
•Get it Right
•Get it Done
•Get Along
•Get Appreciated
Get it Right
Get it Done
Get Along
Get Appreciated
Threatened
Intent
•Perfection
•Control
•Approval
•Attention
Normal
Zone
Perfection
Control
Approval
Attention
Intentions to Consider
• When the intent to get it done is thwarted,
behavior becomes more controlling—leading
people to become Tanks, Snipers, and KnowIt Alls.
It-Alls.
• When the intent to get it right is thwarted,
behavior becomes more perfectionistic—
leading people to become Whiners, No
People, and Nothing People.
Intentions to Consider
• When the intent to get along is thwarted,
behavior becomes more approval-seeking—
leading people to become Yes People, Maybe
People, and Nothing People.
• When the intent to get appreciation is
thwarted, behavior becomes more attentiongetting—leading people to become Grenades,
Think-They-Know-It-Alls, and Snipers.
Behaviors
•Tank
•Sniper
Normal
Zone
•Grenade
Threatened
Intent
•Know-it-all
•Think-they-know-it-all
•Yes Person
•No Person
•Maybe Person
•Nothing Person
•Whiner
Behaviors:
Task
Focus
People Focus
Aggressive
Passive
Lens of Understanding
What Part of Our Brains
Are We Using?
•Reptilian Brain
•Limbic Systems
•Neocortex
•Prefrontal Lobes
From Volentum (Volentum.com)
Reptilian Brain
Characteristics:
Responds to:
• Territorial
• Predictability
• Retreat to familiar
• Repetition
p
• Does not interact
• Ritual
• Has limited vision
• Rote or Routine Behavior
• Is silent
• Results/Success
• Relaxation
From Volentum (Volentum.com)
Limbic System
Characteristics:
Responds to:
• Reaches out
• Courage
• Sense of team/family
/
y
• Fun/Smiles
/
• Takes responsibility
• Nourishment/Caring
• Interacts and bonds
• Belonging
• Flexible
• Celebration
• Creative
• Passion/Emotion
From Volentum (Volentum.com)
Neocortex
Characteristics:
Responds to:
• Logical/Mathematical
• External World
• Analytical
y
or Linear
• Experience
p
• Organized
• Information
• Musical/Humorous
• Novelty
• Emotional
• Change
• Relationship Oriented
• Words
From Volentum (Volentum.com)
Prefrontal Lobes
Characteristics:
Respond to:
• Fuse emotions
• Purpose and Great
Vision
• Values
V l
and
d goals
l
• Sense of purpose
• Futuristic Planning
• Empathy and
Compassion
From Volentum (Volentum.com)
Communication
• “The word ‘communicate’ appears in
Webster’s dictionary between ‘commotion’
and ‘community.’
• We all have experienced the commotion
generated by poor communication, and know
equally well that effective communication can
build a community that withstands many of
the problems in the workplace.”
Carol Hacker
Blending and
Redirecting
• Blending: Any behavior by which you reduce
differences and find common ground.
• Verbal
• Non-verbal
Non verbal
• Redirecting: Using common ground and
rapport to redirect communication to a
positive outcome.
Listen to Understand
• Understanding occurs on two levels:
• Emotionally
• Intellectually
• How
H
to llisten to understand
d
d
1. Blend (verbally and non-verbally)
2. Backtrack
3. Clarify meaning and identify positive intent
4. Summarize
5. Confirm you understand
Listen Well
“The most basic and powerful way to connect to
another person is to listen. Just listen.
Perhaps the most important thing we ever
give each other is our attention.”
attention.
Rachel Naomi Remen
• “We have two ears and one mouth so that we
can listen twice as much as we speak.”
Epictetus
Speak to Be Understood
• Monitor your tone.
• State your positive intent.
• Tactfully interrupt interruptions.
• Tell your truth.
• Be ready to listen.
Speak from the Heart
•Hear and understand me.
•Even if you disagree, don’t make me wrong.
•Acknowledge the greatness within me.
•Remember to look for my loving intention.
•Tell me the truth with compassion.
Hyler Bracey
Develop a Plan
Change your Attitude
• Change your reactions.
• Pretend to be someone famous.
• Change
g y
your p
perspective.
p
• Dis-associate.
• Change the way you talk to yourself.
• Be positive.
Consider Other
Possibilities
“How Fascinating!”
• “Tell me more about that . . . “
Remember Rule #6.
• Set yourself and the situation in a larger
setting.
Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander
Questions?
Thank you
Julia Pomerenk, University Registrar
[email protected]
509.335.2522
Nancy Krogh, University Registrar
[email protected]
208.885.2020