Jonathan cainer www.CAiNER.COM

Jonathan cainer www.cainer.com
Hi Jonathan, Forgiveness comes in two categories: over infringements, and over catastrophic wrongs. Wrongs are a special category involving acceptance, personal growth and
integration. Our daily irritations are really indignation about perceived wrongs, wrong choices or even “wrong” lifestyle. This is a moral judgment, expecting others to see and respond
as we would. Once we give up this moral indignation, much forgiveness becomes the simpler matter of accepting a more expansive picture. Glenda
ARIES MAR 21–APR 20
Do you remember those old science lessons, where
they gave us each a Petri dish to see what we could
grow in it? From a tiny speck of the most seemingly
innocuous substance, a weird fabric of microbes
would emerge. Our fears are similarly prone to breed
and multiply, under the right (or, should I say,
“wrong”?) conditions. One moment, we can’t even see
it is happening. The next, we are overrun with anxiety.
Today, you get to start sterilising and neutralising
some worries which have been allowed to fester for
far too long. Your new moon-sign forecast is ready.
Don’t miss this. Call 1902 222 500.
TAURUS APR 21 – MAY 21
Hello. Nice to see you. You have got here just in time
for your forecast. And we both know the drill, don’t
we? You turn up here looking for insight and advice.
I say something a bit bizarre and baffling. You scratch
your head and, if you are lucky, you manage to read
some meaning into my words. This then proves
helpful to you in some way. Unless it doesn’t. Or you
can’t understand it. Now, where were we? Ah yes,
that’s it. Things that have the potential to confuse us
one moment and delight us the next. Look out for
them today. Dial in your date of birth. Get your new
moon-sign forecast. Call 1902 222 500.
GEMINI MAY 22–JUN 22
Many of history’s finest philosophies have suggested
that the secret of success involves understanding the
answer to one deceptively simple question. “Where
will I find what I need to know?” And, according to
lore and legend, the answer is confronting the blunt
and bewildering. It is “inside yourself”. And, they say,
“In the event that you can’t find chapter and verse in
your own internal library of knowledge, your instinct
will invariably be strong enough to lead you swiftly
to the right place to get it.” Today, you will see how
true that is. For your new spookily accurate moon-sign
forecast. Call 1902 222 500.
CANCER JUN 23–JUL 23
I bet you have come here looking for a zodiac
forecast, haven’t you? I thought as much. I’m
getting rather good at guessing people’s motives.
I knew that the last person who turned to this
page was seeking something very similar. But
unfortunately, though I gave a reading to them,
I don’t have a forecast for you. You don’t get one
today because.... Well, the day doesn’t belong to
you, does it? Their needs have had to take priority
over yours. That can change – if you want it to.
Hear your spookily accurate moon-sign forecast
now. Call 1902 222 500.
LEO JUL 24–AUG 23
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” That’s what
people say. They say it so often – and with such
confidence – that we find ourselves unable to
imagine that it isn’t true. Yet, why lunch? Why not
breakfast or supper? You never hear them mention
those. So perhaps they are trying to tell us that
other meals can be obtained on a complimentary
basis. There is something wrong here. And if that
part can be wrong, perhaps the other part can be
too. It does rather look as if you are soon due to get
something for nothing. For inspiring news listen to
your new moon-sign forecast. Call 1902 222 500.
VIRGO AUG 24–SEP 23
The world is full of people who are looking for
something. There they all are, searching high and
low in their quest for... well, yes, there’s a good
point. Are they all looking for the same thing?
Some, it would seem, don’t agree. Others are
looking to find out what it is they ought to be
looking for. Even those who feel sure that they
can fully identify their most vital objective are not
so sure of their ability to discover it. Might there
be a possibility today that you are now looking for
something that you have already found? Call your
new moon-sign forecast: 1902 222 500.
LIBRA SEP 24–OCT 23
We use strange ways to measure success and failure.
We consider ourselves to be doing well if we are
following a straight path towards a clear destination
(provided, of course, that this is one that others also
see as worth attaining). If there is an element of
doubt or confusion surrounding our circumstances,
we suspect that we ought to be apologising for
letting ourselves and others down. Yet are not life’s
questions far more precious and potentially useful
than life’s answers? Be glad, today, of what you
don’t yet know. Tap into the mystical power of the
moon. Call 1902 222 500.
SCORPIO OCT 24–NOV 22
Every satnav has a button by which to adjust the
settings. You can tell the little map-reading machine
to take you on the quickest route, the shortest one,
the cheapest – or via the most scenic journey. What
is your inner direction-finder set to now? Are you
inadvertently fooling yourself about where things
are and what you ought to be doing next, on the
basis of a series of assumptions that ought to be
checked and challenged more carefully? Don’t ask
“what am I choosing?” But “what am I basing my
choices on?” Dial in your date of birth for your new
moon-sign forecast. Call 1902 222 500.
SAGITTARIUS NOV 23–DEC 21
“If a job’s worth doing, it is worth doing well.” So
goes the wise old adage. You have, I’m sure, lived by
this very maxim yourself. Perhaps you are thinking
to yourself now, “surely he doesn’t intend to
question such a fundamental assertion as part of my
zodiac forecast today?“ Well, I don’t. I am in full
agreement with this traditional wisdom. I just want
to point out that it raises one small question. That is
all true if the job is worth doing but what if it isn’t?
Might you, today, be doing something that doesn’t
need to be done? Your spookily accurate new
moon-sign forecast is ready. Call 1902 222 500.
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calvin and hobbes
hagar
fred basset
garfield
ginger meggs
snake
insanity streak
phantom
CAPRICORN DEC 22–JAN 20
Some mystics and visionaries have long been busily
asserting that “we create our own reality”. We make
our world what it is by our secret wishes, private
fantasies, innermost aspirations and perhaps too,
our deepest fears. Unbeknown to our conscious
minds, these impulses and imaginings weave
webs that attract events towards them in much the
same way as the work of a spider inevitably draws
a fly. So what are we supposed to do if there is
something about our situation we don’t much like?
Start weaving a different web. Your powerful new
moon-sign forecast is ready. Call 1902 222 500.
AQUARIUS JAN 21–FEB 19
Books and magazines are taken very seriously by
their writers and their readers. Language is a
mysterious and powerful thing. If an idea is
expressed in conversation, it may carry a certain
amount of authority. But if it is to be taken truly
seriously, it needs to be put in writing. Only then do
we consider it worthy to form the basis of further
debate and discussion. Yet just because we have
seen that something has been said somewhere,
we can’t automatically assume it is beyond dispute.
Don’t trust all that you read today. Call your new
moon-sign prediction: 1902 222 500.
PISCES FEB 20–MAR 20
The late, great, Henry Ford, is often credited with
the invention of the assembly line. They say he was
the first car manufacturer to experiment with mass
production. No custom specifications, no frippery,
no frills. Every car was the same and he said, “You
can have it in any colour you want, as long as it’s
black.” The 20th century reflected his principles;
the 21st century is fast making them redundant.
You are entitled to make some special, personal
choices now. There really is no reason why your
needs cannot be met. Are you ready to feel the
power of the full moon? Call 1902 222 500.