June Newsletter - Dallas City Association for Promoting Equality
Transcription
June Newsletter - Dallas City Association for Promoting Equality
Dallas CAPE News ISSUE 03 JUNE 2015 Dallas CAPE Charter Meeting Three months after the first in a series of LGBT focus group meetings sponsored by the Office of Ethics and Diversity, the Dallas City Association for Promoting Equality (Dallas CAPE) This Issue Dallas CAPE Charter Meeting P.1 “This Is My Story” P.2 News, Tips & Opportunities P.3 Coming Out To Your Parents P.4 held its charter meeting on May 15, 2015 at the Latino Cultural Center. Our newly established association adopted bylaws, enrolled 23 charter members, and elected Cliff Gillespie of the Office of Cultural Affairs as president, Brian Price of Planning and Neighborhood Vitality as vice-president, and Laura Martin of the Police Department as secretary-treasurer. “Our mission is to raise awareness of equality issues in the workplace in order to foster an organizational culture that is inclusive and sup- Quotable Quotes “The single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you’ve just told them.” -Rachel Maddow portive of LGBTQ City employees, promote professional and personal development, and break negative stereotypes through education.” Following the meeting, with approval of the executive committee, several committees were created and directors appointed for each. Johnny Head of Equipment and Building Services will head the Communications Committee, Tony Becker of Park and Recreation will head the Membership and Outreach Committee, and Benjamin Espino of Cultural Affairs will head the “With ignorance comes fear - from fear comes bigotry. Education is the key to acceptance” -Kathleen Patel, Author of “The Bullying EpidemicThe Guide To Arm You For The Fight” Development Committee. In addition to his duties as vice-president, Brian Price will also head up the Programming and Events Committee. These committee directors along with the executive committee comprise the board of directors, and are meeting regularly to move the association forward with exciting events, educational sessions and opportunities for service. “We will never have true civilization until we learn to recognize the rights of others.” -Will Rogers We need your help! If you are interested in learning more about any of these committees and how you may serve, please contact the committee director or email [email protected]. We will find the right opportunity for you. If you have not become a CAPE member yet, just go to DallasCape.org to find out how to join. Thanks to each of you for your dedication to raising awareness of LGBTQ equality issues in our organization and community. We are excited about what we can accomplish together! “I believe in the equality of man; and I believe that religious duties consist in doing justice, loving mercy, and endeavoring to make our fellow-creatures happy” -Thomas Payne This Is My Story... Tony Becker, Coordinator III Park and Recreation Human Resources “We all know that coming out is a very personal thing. And everyone does it in a different manner and within their own time frame. I can honestly say that I’ve been extremely lucky with mine. I am the typical ‘gold-star’ gay but never knew it. I could NOT for the life of me figure out why girls never wanted to go out with me in junior high. I mean, I never wanted a ‘girlfriend’ per se, but wasn’t that what you were supposed to do in junior high… ‘go’ with someone? But where did I fit in? Looking back, as we all do and realize that hind-sight is certainly 20/20, they knew something about me that I didn’t at that time: that I was gay and that we’d only ever be friends. I just wish someone had told ME at the time and we could have saved all this time and headaches. But that’s not how life works—besides, the journey is part of the discovery! It wasn’t until I was in high school that I even noticed that I felt differently toward and interacted differently with guys than I did with girls. But again, why? Why was everyone treating me differently? Why did I feel as if my insides were ‘off’ compared to my surroundings? I attended a small catholic high school and all of my friends were people I’d known since I was 8. We grew up together. We knew each other. But as puberty set in and couples started to form, that’s when things started to seem different. Why didn’t it seem like I had the same ‘guy’ experiences or conversations with the other guys? I had a graduating class of 34 (yes, that’s right!) and by my senior year, we all had our lives pretty much “figured out” or so it seemed. It was a frustrating year for me, coming from a small town where I felt like I stood out with seemingly different feelings that I wasn’t sure what they meant or what to do with them. Fast forward to my second day in Sociology class as a freshman in college and I finally started to connect the dots. We read about gay, straight, bisexual, social mores and sexuality of mankind. Upon hearing the definition of what it meant (really meant) for a man to love and be attracted to another man, something inside me started to wonder. And connect. One day, I was reading a news article on Greg Louganis and how he came out and his personal story—admitting to himself and his loved ones how he felt about men and the one special man in his life. Something in me connected to those feelings he mentioned. Now, I have read plenty of books and watched plenty of movies where guy falls in love with girl. But I never connected to that, not on a personal level anyways. But reading about falling in love with a man…I felt a connection with that. So, I thought, there must be something ‘there’. I pride myself [and give props to my family] as always having been diplomatic and matter-offact about certain things. They taught me to think for myself and be my own person. So I took a more ‘clinical approach’ and decided to “...let me add that no matter where you are on your journey, always know that many, many people have gone on this path before you - you’re not alone.” conduct a social experiment on myself. I decided to observe my feelings and interactions around men vs. women and see what results came about. Everything finally came together for me (internally) my sophomore year in college on a study-abroad opportunity in Mexico. I befriended this wonderful, tall, head-strong lady on the trip. She is what we’d refer to as a “lipstick lesbian”… she was pretty, volley ball player physique, tall, tough, and didn’t take crap from anyone. She and I were talking one afternoon. I had just come in from the gym and was walking across the quad. I noticed one of the male students who was taking summer courses there. He was watching me as I came from the gym all ‘buff and swole’. She noticed it too and teased me later asking me how I felt about him checking me out. My ‘clinical’ side kicked in and I replied matter-of-factly, “You know, I really liked it”. She said, “So what do you think?” To which I replied, “I’m gay” …. There it was—the first time I said it out loud, and when I did, everything seemed to make sense and my insides finally made sense. I guess you could say: I caught up with myself. Saying it out loud helped me, even though I’d been thinking these thoughts for a while, but saying it out loud really made it official to me. From that point forward it was a discovery for me: a journey into what does being gay mean for me specifically. What does being gay and being Christian and being a role model mean? I watched an episode of Will and Grace and Jack once mentioned to Will that, “we seniors have to help out the freshmen….we have to ‘gay’ it forward”… and he was right. I was determined then and there to be helpful to anyone who asked me any questions about coming out or being gay: to just be up front and show that not all gay men were the stereotype that at that time people associated about being gay. I would also be honest and try and be a guide for them during their journey, like I wished I’d had a guide during mine. It’s my opinion that “coming out” is not only just telling someone you’re gay or straight or bi or whatever your story is. “Coming out” also means coming out to yourself: finding out what YOUR definition of happiness is and how you go about seeking it. “Coming out” also means dealing with YOU and YOUR emotions and feelings. “Coming out” also means (and most importantly) being HONEST with yourself about who you are, how you feel, and knowing that it is beautiful! Finally, let me add that no matter where you are on your journey, always know that many, many people have gone on this path before you - you’re not alone. Know that there isn’t anything that we haven’t seen, heard or done, so reach out and know we are all here—as guides for you who seek peace in knowledge and seek happiness along your beautiful journey. What’s Your Story? Each month we will highlight one of our CAPE members. We hope our life lessons will encourage you. If you would like to tell your story, let us know. You can email Johnny Head at [email protected] Upcoming Events June 10, 2015—City of Dallas Pride Month Event—12:00 Noon—in the Flag Room at City Hall. Please join us as the City of Dallas celebrates Pride! We would like all member of Dallas CAPE to be there to represent our new association. Summit On LGBT Aging Join us for this significant initial summit by the Coalition for Aging, LGBT (DFW) to explore the vast needs and services for members of the aging LGBT community in Dallas-Ft. Worth. According to the latest 2010 US Census, there is an estimated 60,000+ members of the LGBT community living in Dallas County ages 45 to 90+. Also according to the census, 27% of all people ages 65+ are living alone. Currently there is no single organization addressing and coordinating the specific aging needs of the LGBT Community in Dallas. There are many programs developed for non-LGBT citizens, however access to these programs for LGBT citizens is a challenge due to possible discrimination or LGBT citizens unable (or unwilling) to not live their lives according to their orientation – basically going back into the closet. Objectives of the Summit and What You Can Expect: Bring together the DFW LGBT community for conversation around the topic of aging, Understanding the size of the problem/call to action, Various services/organizations already in existence that could become part of the Coalition, Listen to the individual needs and the personal stories through facilitated breakout sessions, Draw from the participants through the breakout sessions on “next steps” and priorities to drive the Coalition, To have an enjoyable time with members of the community around such an important topic. What’s Your Role in the Summit / What Can You Bring?: Check out what the LGBT Coalition for Aging is all about, Learn what we can do as a community to address aging, Learn how big is the issue and how big will it become?, To engage and help in the efforts, take an ownership role of engagement, Participate in a platform to share a personal story or need – to be heard, To have an enjoyable time with members of the community around such an important topic. Event will start promptly at 10:30AM, with continential breakfast and social time prior to the start. Have questions about SUMMIT ON AGING | Coalition for Aging, LGBT | Dallas-Ft. Worth? Contact COALITION FOR AGING, LGBT (DFW) WWW.CFA.LGBT For tickets: http://www.eventbrite.com/e/ summit-on-aging-coalition-for-aging-lgbt-dallasft-worth-tickets-16903492802?aff=eivtefrnd June 18, 2015—Celebrating AfricanAmerican City of Dallas Leaders—5:007:00 PM—in the Women’s Museum, Fair Park, 3800 Parry Ave. Hosted by The Black Employees Support Team (BEST), the event is free and open to the public. CAPE members have been specifically invited to attend. June is GLBT Book Month #GLBTBookMonth Follow @DallasLibrary on Twitter for a new book recommendation every day this month! The Dallas Public Library will be tweeting a title a day in honor of the American Library Association’s GLBT Book Month, a nationwide celebration of the authors and writings that reflect the lives and experiences of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community. Day of Decision March and Rally-June 8, 15, 22 or 29 Join the Dallas-area community in a gathering to commemorate the US Supreme Court decision on the marriage cases it heard back in April 2015. The ruling could come any Monday this month. Regardless of the outcome and the date, there will be a gathering for the following events: At 6:00 PM, the attendees will gather at Cathedral of Hope for an inspirational rally, celebration of love, and discussion about what the ruling means for same-gender loving couples, families, people of faith/faith-free people and how the decision compels us moving forward. At 7:30 PM, the attendees will march on the sidewalk down Cedar Springs to the Legacy of Love Monument at the Oak Lawn Triangle. Get your signs and noisemakers ready for this exciting moment and march in solidarity with one another. At 8:00 PM, the attendees will gather around the Legacy of Love Monument for a festive display of what the ruling means to the LGBTQ community, the people we love, and hear a call to action for what remains ahead. To receive an email from Texas for Marriage for when the event is confirmed, go to: http://action.marriagetx.org/page/s/join-us-for-decision-day NOTE: The event date is set for the first possible date (June 8). If the marriage ruling is not announced on June 8th, the rally will move to the 15th, etc.—until the ruling is announced. Coming Out To Your Parents Adapted by Tom Sauerman with permission from a pamphlet produced by the Federation of Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Inc.. KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT The purpose of this is to inform gay and lesbian young adults about the process most parents go through when their child's homosexual orientation is disclosed. The stages to be explained are: shock denial guilt Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality? If you're wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you'll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part it will require a reserve of positive self-image. Do you have support? In the event your parents' reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical. expression of feelings personal decision-making true acceptance The process assumes that you have wrestled with the issue of whether or not to come out to your parents and that your decision is affirmative. The approach and suggestions offered in the following are based on the assumption that you suspect one or both of your parents will be understanding, if not supportive, given adequate time. This [article] may not be helpful if you have serious reservations about their ability to cope and you suspect they could sever their relationship with you. A caution: Each family is unique. Although most are likely to follow the stages outlined here, allow some latitude for your own parents. The illustrations and suggestions given here will be drawn from conversations with parents who have attended the Philadelphia Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays meetings. Few parents are "model" cases that perfectly fit the following description. Knowing what to anticipate and how to respond in a helpful way will enable you to take the big step with some degree of knowledge and support. QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF Be Clear in Your Own Mind Are you sure about your sexual orientation? Don't raise the issue unless you're able to respond with confidence to the question, "Are you sure?" Confusion on your part will increase your parents' confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgment. Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality? Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you've done some serious reading on the subject, you'll be able to assist them by sharing reliable information and research. What's the emotional climate at home? If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they're not dealing with such matters as the death of a close friend, pending surgery or the loss of a job. Can you be patient? Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven't considered it prior to your sharing. The process may last from six months to two years. college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you. What is your general relationship with your parents? If you've gotten along well and have always known their love--and shared your love for them in return--chances are they'll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way. What is their moral societal view? If they tend to see social issues in clear terms of good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If, however, they've evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you. Is this your decision? Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don't be pressured into it if you're not sure you'll be better off by doing so--no matter what their response. Adapted by Tom Sauerman with permission from a pamphlet produced by the Federation of Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Inc.. Article continued in next months edition of Dallas CAPE News What's your motive for coming out now? Hopefully, it is because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you feel. Never come out in anger or during an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon. Do you have available resources? Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have available at least one of the following: a book addressed to parents a contact for the local or national Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays the name of a non-gay counselor who can deal fairly with the issue Are you financially dependent on your parents? If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing Dallas CAPE Have an idea for our newsletter? Email Johnny Head at [email protected] P.O. Box 132272 Dallas, TX 75313 www.DallasCAPE.org