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25¢
The
April 2, 2015
The voice of the beautiful bayside communities
www.seabreezenews.com PH: 281.235.8885
San Leon – Where the good life gets better every day!
Serving: San Leon, Bacliff, Bayview, Dickinson, Texas City, Kemah, League City, Seabrook & Clear Lake Shores
Bayside
BRIEFS:
Sheriff’s Deputies make drug arrest:
The Galveston County Sheriff’s Office Special Crimes Unit has
concluded a four month narcotics investigation by executing a
narcotics search warrant in Bacliff last month.
The Sheriff’s Department Tactical Response Team assisted with
the execution of the search warrant in the 4400 block 2nd Street.
Over 20 grams of methamphetamine and $1,585 in cash were
seized during the search warrant.
The investigation resulted in the arrests of:
Ashlie Hocutt, charged with Manufacture/Delivery of CS PG1 4200 grams and Tampering with Physical Evidence, bonds set at
$50,000 each.
Robert Thomas charged with Manufacture/Delivery of CS PG1
4-200 grams, bond set at $250,000.
Toni Pannell charged with Manufacture/Delivery of CS PG1 4200 grams, bond set at $30,000.
League City PD Narcotics and La Marque PD Narcotics also
assisted the Sheriff’s Office with the execution of the search
warrant.
Island Police to share Speed Trap and
Enforcement Details with Public
Galveston Police are going to snitch on themselves. Effective
this month, the Police Department will tell people where speed
traps and radar are being deployed.
It's part of a new initiative called Protect with Respect, designed
to reduce traffic crashes, raise awareness and improve overall
public safety on the island.
"The goal is to make drivers more aware," Chief Porretto said.
Using his department's cell phone app and social media profiles,
Chief Porretto plans to tell everyone when and where his officers
will run radar and perform targeted enforcement for things like
red light and stop sign runners.
Chief Porretto said that his department cares about more than
punishment and ticket revenues. They aim to keep six million
visitors a year safe through education and open communication.
INSIDE THIS ISSUE
Page 05
Page 06
Page 07
Page 11
Page 17
Page 18
Page 20
Letters To The Editor
Dear Steve From Sunny San Leon
Funny Bones
Fishing reports & pictures
News & Views
Classified ads
Police Blotter
Something good on every page!
Dear Steve’s Wife Training School to Open in San Leon
On March the 4th the Seabreeze News purchased a parcel of valuable property next door to the famed San Leon Liquor Store
on Bayshore Drive. This purchase is the first step toward building a new Wife Training School. The community of San Leon
lost the original Wife Training School due to Hurricane Ike.
Dear Steve, founder of the institution, has expressed concerns about the
growing number of surly women in our local community. He believes
that the Wife Training School will help develop the area’s young girls
into women who will be able to get themselves a man. It will also help
correct bad habits in some of the older women so they can have another
shot at a marriage or fix the one they currently have. Dear Steve will be
in charge of discipline. Say goodbye to those bad habits fast.
During the first semester the women will learn the importance of sex.
Never share your problems with your man while he has sex on his
mind. He should be able to have sex wherever he feels the urge. Every
room in a man’s castle should be sparkling clean and ready for some
loving. Whether it’s the bedroom, bathroom or kitchen you should be
ready to serve your man whatever he wants at a moment’s notice. Never
tell your man no to having sex. There will be male trainers to assist the
young women with honing their skills during this key foundational
training time. Married students will be given progress reports provided
by their husbands with ratings given on areas in which they might need improvement.
By the end of the first semester every woman will be an expert on cheerfully waking their husbands up with a cup of coffee,
smelling all clean and fresh, wearing perfect makeup and dressing up in something sexy. Keeping a man is not an easy thing
to do but it’s what women were bred to do. They will be taught to always let their man do the thinking. A woman does not
want to hurt her pretty little head trying to think.
The second semester will be spent mastering the simple things required to serve and obey your man. A man needs food, sex,
and quiet. Women will be taught in seminar situations learning the things that it takes to keep men happy. Foot rubs, massages,
and bathing your man are some skills that will be taught.
The third semester will consist of daily duties around the house;
taking care of your man’s truck, washing his boat, cleaning his
reels and oiling his guns. You will be taught how to make a list
and complete that list in a timely manner. When your man is going
hunting or fishing you will have a list available and you will simply pack what he needs according to his list.
The fourth and final semester will teach you the skills to last you
through the longevity of your marriage. You will learn how to
clean fish and skin a deer by legendary San Leon outdoorsman
Don Wimberley. Students will learn when and when not to speak.
Only talk to a man during commercials or half time. It is nice if
during a ball game you can curl up by his feet on the couch to
fetch something if he needs it. You’ll know if you are doing everything right because he will pet your pretty little head.
The Wife Training School will be breaking ground at the end of
this year in time for the school to be opened in Sept. of 2016.
It will be a two story building including training kitchens and
bathrooms. A man loves his house to be clean, it’s his castle. Chef
Phil Duke will be on hand to teach basic kitchen skills for those
nightly romantic dinners. Not everyone can mop a floor or clean a
bathroom properly, so we will have a seasoned old woman who
will teach pupils to do it correctly.
Gator Miller will teach a decorating class to educate prospective
wives on how to decorate their trailer or home in a way that is
pleasing to men, using centerfold posters and neon beer signs.
In the back we will have a small shop for automotive maintenance
and golf cart repair. This way you Girly-Poo’s can learn to easily
perform the simple things like tune-ups and oil changes.
Our Mechanic Superintendent, Roger Traugott, will personally
make sure that all the women will be able to perform these tasks.
Other special classes will include Butch Soucy teaching “How to
Drive and Pay Attention” and “Driving Without a Phone” with
special influence on texting and googling. Sir Robbie Akes will be
teaching table manners and fine dining etiquette.
After this two year course you will be certified and ready to get
you a man or keep the one you have. You will receive a certificate
card to keep with you wherever you go. When a man approaches
The Black Ninja Dog's Funeral last month was a big success.
you and asks you out on a date, just whip out your card. This will
We
had 157 adults and 28 kids that you cannot see in the picture.
show him that you have been adequately trained and are prepared
There were 8 people watching from the side, along with 9 more
with the skills required to make his life happy and complete.
The Seabreeze will be accepting applications for enrollment in the who arrived right after the picture was taken. This gave a grand
total of 202 mourners. We would like to thank everybody for
Fall Semester starting June 1, 2016.
Listen Girls this will give you the opportunity to finally get and coming out to give that black bastard the grudging respect and
the sendoff that he deserved. (photos by Rhonda Castro)
(Steve)
hold on to a man. Don’t miss out!