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Super Pride Cards
At Home Discipline Made Fun
A Production of the Education Solutions Foundation
Super Pride Cards: At Home Discipline Made Fun
Super Pride Cards
At Home Discipline Made Fun
Copyright 2010 by the Education Solutions Foundation. All rights reserved. No part of this ebook may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from
the Education Solutions Foundation. Please do not copy, forward or email this e-book. If you
wish to recommend our product to a friend or family member, please contact us at
[email protected] for information about our “Pass it Along” refunds.
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Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1: Sorting
Chapter 2: Carrots
Chapter 3: Sticks
Chapter 4: Sorting
Chapter 5: Bankruptcy
Chapter 6: Be Proud!
Chapter 7: Sign-Up Sheets & Lightning Strikes
Chapter 8: Introducing the System to Your Child
Chapter 9: Fun & Games
Chapter 10: Scheduling
Chapter 11: Frequently Asked Questions
Chapter 12: Let’s Go!
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Introduction:
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The Evolution of Super Pride Cards: One Teacher’s Story
There was a day when I just about gave up being a teacher. Actually it was my first day as a teacher --and I almost never made it to the second. I remember one moment in particular. It was 10:35, and we
had been back from the first recess of the school year for only about 15 minutes. There was another hour
and 20 minutes until the lunch bell would ring. The classroom had come apart. Almost no one was
listening…most of the kids were all over the place and one little girl sat in the front row with her hands
folded just looking sorry for me. She was waiting to see if I would do something to control the bedlam all
around her.
I had planned it all so well too. Hired in June, I had prepared and prepped for nearly three months for this
first day of school. All the pencils were razor sharp, I had a lesson plan of creative getting-to-know you
games…my bulletin board looked amazing! But I had forgotten about discipline --- or as they now call it
--- classroom management.
Of course, I knew I had to have rules. I had even made a cute little poster with “Our 5 Classroom Rules”
on it. You know, “Treat Your Classmates with Respect,” “Always Do Your Best”… that sort of thing.
But really I believed that if I just showed the kids that I cared about them, that there really wouldn‟t be a
problem.
There was a problem. It‟s true that for the first circle time and maybe 10 minutes after that, they listened
attentively and behaved beautifully. But soon (shockingly soon!) they started to test me. Unspoken
questions hung in the air. For instance, did they really have to raise their hand when they spoke at the
meeting rug? At first they raised their hands dutifully, but soon thoughts occurred to them that they just
blurted out. I would remind them to raise their hand. “Oh yeah, sorry.” But there were too many of them
and it was happening too fast. They had questions for me, questions for each other, interesting anecdotes,
things they were dying to say, stories to tell, total non sequiturs... And of course, I didn‟t want to damper
their enthusiasm. Soon everyone seemed to be calling out --- it was a cacophony of voices.
And the testing continued in other ways as well. More unspoken questions…Could you get up without
permission? How many times could you go to the restroom in an hour? Was tattling OK? What if your
pencil kept breaking? Did you really have to write in your morning journal? Could you draw instead?
Good questions…yes. But while I had an answer to some of them, that really wasn‟t good enough.
What the kids really wanted to know was the answer to the BIG QUESTION, which I eventually found
out was: “And what if I don’t do what you ask?” Even if they didn‟t ask it directly… And my answer
wouldn‟t do. I had no real consequences in place. They found out that if they broke a rule, all that would
happen is that I would ask them to “Please remember our rule about that” or some such thing. And while
that may have been satisfactory for a few of the polite and quiet kids, it certainly wasn‟t going to be
enough for everyone. Sure, maybe it should have been…but it just wasn‟t.
Chaos soon followed. Slowly the behavior of the class began to deteriorate and I began to feel lost at sea.
Kids started to tease each other --- at first playfully, then later, more aggressively. Everyone was getting
out of their seat, kids were doing just about everything but the worksheet I had prepared, it was hard to
talk over the interruptions and trips to the bathroom and the pencil sharpener seemed endless. By 10:35, I
wanted to go home.
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Of course, I didn‟t. After months of planning and prepping --- not to mention a commitment to the school
and to the kids --- I had to find a way out of this mess. I had to get through the day, to get through until
June. I remember thinking about the Last Day of School on my drive home. It seemed impossibly far
away.
Over the next few months, I tried various personas, but none of them fit. I tried being a strict
disciplinarian, imagining myself as a ruler-cocked „50s nun --- only without the ruler. I tried being a
yeller, an intimidator…saying things like, “You are going to be in big trouble, young man!” When that
didn‟t work I reversed course and tried being a buddy, imagining how some laidback hippie teacher might
have talked to the children in the „60s. “You know guys, that’s just not cool…” I tried passing the buck
onto someone else --- I sent kids to the principal, sent poor conduct letters home to parents. I even tried a
little reverse psychology and found that technique shockingly flawed --- at least in second grade. In fact,
nothing worked. After all, I didn‟t have the personality of an uptight nun or a crusty yeller. The principal
and parents became concerned that I wasn‟t up to the job when I tried passing the buck and while the
buddy-buddy technique might have worked on a camping trip, it sure didn‟t in a classroom. After all, I
had to get kids to do things they really didn‟t want to do. By Thanksgiving Break I knew I needed some
kind of creative solution or I would never make it to that distant Last Day of School.
What I did is what led to this book. A system was created that made an immediate difference in the
classroom. Night and Day. That first morning that I came in and used the new system there was a sea
change in the environment --- kids were actually listening to me! Furthermore, they got right to work,
they tried their best, they didn‟t fight and squabble. And as the system was perfected and and tinkered
with it, things only got better.
After finding such a system to be so helpful in a school environment, the process to adapt it to the home
setting began. What was developed became the system we call Super Pride Cards. Hopefully you can
use the system we have devised to motivate your child do their best --- and in the process, to change your
home environment. Read on to see how it works and then how to adapt it to the personality of your child
and the characteristics of your home. Then consult with us to help you work out the kinks. And
remember…it‟s never too late to make a fresh start.
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Chapter 1: Sorting
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The Carrots and the Sticks:
The first step in setting up Super Pride Cards is establishing a collection of rewards and consequences
that can be used effectively to motivate your child --- what newsmen discussing international relations
often call “carrots and sticks.” Of course many parents use carrots and sticks all the time, but it turns out
that it only works if everything is set up properly… if the system is tight. We are going to set up a very
tight system in the following chapters, beginning with some highly desirable carrots and some rather
unpleasant sticks.
Your Child’s Motivations:
Obviously, we want to reward good behavior with a prize or privilege that is meaningful to your child.
You may want a relaxing soak in the hot tub, but your child is more likely interested in Bionicles or
Pokemon. On the flip side, when your child makes a poor choice (the current euphemism for being
naughty), we want there to be an immediate consequence that is also meaningful to your child. Most
important, we want these “behavior-to-carrot” and “behavior-to-stick” relationships very clearly
established and understood before your child makes the decision to put a hand in the proverbial cookie
jar. This all sounds simple enough, but it‟s surprising how difficult it can be. First let‟s look at some
common mistakes when setting up carrots and sticks.
Potential Pitfalls:
It is important when selecting prizes and privileges that we find things that are truly meaningful to your
child. For some kids, an extra half hour of TV may mean everything while for others it‟s not such a big
deal. We know one boy whose behavior greatly improved at home when he was allowed to take a bath
instead of a shower. Go figure. Another student‟s behavior didn‟t improve much when offered candy,
TV, baseball or extra time on his Gameboy. All he wanted was extra playdates with his best friend. The
key is figuring out what matters to your child. What is it that will really influence your child‟s behavior?
Think Immediate:
For some children, next week can seem like a lifetime away. That‟s why threats such as, “You won‟t get
to go skiing next month” or rewards like “I‟ll buy you a new action figure for your birthday” usually
aren‟t that effective. They‟re too far down the road. Even “just wait until your father gets home” is too
far away. Many kids need to see the immediate result of their behavior, be it good or bad. For this
reason, in our system, kids receive their Pride Cards immediately and have the option of turning them in
(with a few exceptions) whenever they want to select a prize. Similarly, the consequences are designed
to have an immediate impact. By the time “their father” gets home, the consequence will already be
underway.
Hostage to Hissy Fits:
It is very easy for parents to break their own rules. Most commonly they don‟t follow through on what
they say they will do. Empty threats are very common. How many times have you overhead a mother in
a grocery store say something like, “If you hit your sister one more time, I‟m taking that toy back to the
toy aisle.” Then the kid does it again but as you await the toy removal you only hear another threat…
“Just keep that up Danny and you‟re going to lose that toy for good!” We always have the urge to step in
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and say, “Hey! Wait a minute…you just broke your promise. You are supposed to take his toy back
now.” One reason for this type of promise-breaking, of course, is that it is often easier in the present to
just give in to the child or to move on. Perhaps Danny‟s mother thinks, “Oh if we can just get through
this checkout line, we can get outside and into the car and this will all be over.”
Another store example (yes, we enjoy watching misbehavior in store checkout lines)… Let‟s say Dad is
in the store and he says his daughter cannot have a candy bar. Now we see the beginning stages of a hissy
fit. We all know what‟s coming --- the screaming, the crying, the gnashing of teeth. With the entire
Walmart now looking at him there at Register 2, it sure is a lot easier (and profoundly less embarrassing)
for Dad to give in. Who wants to go through the embarrassment and aggravation of dealing with a
tantrum? But of course, this not only teaches the child a bad lesson (e.g. hissy fits lead to candy bars), it
also causes more long-term aggravation, since every shopping trip will now turn Dad into a virtual
hostage to hissy fits.
But let‟s assume for a sec that Dad has bought his daughter a toy during that Walmart trip. He says, “I‟m
sorry, but I‟ve already allowed you to get a toy and it‟s too close to dinner to have a candy bar. If you
cannot bring yourself under control, then the toy goes back.” Now, as the hissy fit begins, Dad keeps his
word. He actually goes through the ordeal this time and does not give in. He returns the toy to the toy
aisle, does not buy the candy bar and drags the child (possibly kicking and screaming) to the car, leaving
the cart and apologizing to the employees in their blue vests as he goes. Yes, it may be very tough that
day, but smoother days will follow. We guarantee. The next week when father and daughter are back in
Walmart and a similar scene is repeated, it‟s highly likely that the child will look at her toy and say, “Oh,
OK, nevermind…” It is in this spirit that we have designed our system. Be ready to stand firm with the
rules you set up with our assistance. Occasionally you may go through temporary hell, but we promise
you will reach a longer-lasting heaven.
Stick with It:
Many carrots & stick systems will work, but they take time. As we just saw at the local Walmart, you
sometimes have to go through a rough stretch to get there. If a child has been taught over a period of time
that they will eventually wear down mom or dad to give in, the parent will need to prove to them that this
time it is different. The child will be on the lookout for evidence of this. Until they get it, it‟s “yeah,
yeah, we‟ve heard this one before.” Sometimes it may even take three or four times of following through
with a consequence before the child sees that the parent really means it. But trust us, eventually the child
will know that you will follow-through and then your child is very likely to make a good choice, even in
their worst moods.
Unfortunately, it is easy during this transition period for the parent to give up. Discouraged that the
system did not work right away, the parent may think, “Well this may work for some children, but my
child is different.” It is certainly true that each child is unique, but try to stick with the system and follow
its rules as laid out. And of course, to tailor the system to the specific needs of your child we offer Email
and Instant Messenger services to help you.
Less Talk, More Action:
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It has been demonstrated in many studies that children do not listen so much to what their parents say but
look to see what they do. Many parents believe it is their job to lecture their children. While there is
certainly a time and a place for lessons and lectures, in the moment of carrying out a consequence, let
your actions speak for you. It is unlikely that talking will make much of a difference anyway. More
likely it will lead to a back and forth “negotiation” between you and your child, leading to frustration on
both sides. Of course, it‟s OK to calmly explain the consequence and the reason for it, but given that our
system of carrots & sticks will be introduced to your child clearly with cards and icons and colorful signs,
there shouldn‟t be much need for this anyhow. To paraphrase Teddy Roosevelt, speak softly and carry a
set of big rewards and highly consistent sticks. Oh…and if you simply must lecture, then at least make
sure to follow the lecture by carrying out the consequence.
Don’t Root, Root, Root for the Home Team:
Once you put the Super Pride Cards system into effect, it is very natural to start “rooting” for your child
to do well. After all…it‟s your baby! Try not to do this. It tends to A) Cause yourself anxiety when your
child doesn‟t make a good choice and B) It often affects your ability to maintain consistent rules. Parents
who “root” are more likely to give second chances or change the rules if their child almost makes it. In
truth, your child needs to know that you trust in the system. In the same way an umpire should not root
for the pitcher or the batter when calling balls & strikes, try to just “call „em as you see „em.”
Ok now that we have gone through a list of “don‟ts,” in the next chapter we‟ll take a look at some of
those juicy carrots…
CHAPTER 1 SUMMARY:
Find out what carrots & sticks motivate your child
Stick with the rules you set up
Follow Through!
Less Talk, More Action
Try Not to Root
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Chapter 2: Carrots
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Your Child’s Carrots
In this setup stage, we want to figure out what things your child really cares about. Most parents feel they
know this intuitively, but you may be surprised. Remember we are looking for prizes that might alter
your child‟s behavior and persuade them to make better choices. When they are just on the verge of
doing that thing they know they aren‟t supposed to, they will think of this prize and say… “Oh no, maybe
I better not…”
Our list of items range from small rewards to big ones. Eventually, you will put these goodies into a kind
of store in which your child can use his/her well-earned Super Pride Points to purchase prizes. Thinking
of prizes can actually be kind of fun (at least more so than thinking of sticks). But first, a couple of rules:
Make it Feasible
Remember that all of these prizes are things that you have to be able to make happen. If you put in a prize
for getting ice cream on Friday night, then you have to be ready to actually get your child to the ice cream
store. These prizes will become very important to your child and they must be equally important to you.
You and your child will essentially be entering into an agreement of sorts and if you renege on your end
of the deal, they are far less likely to take the system seriously in the future.
Be Specific
When writing out the prizes, think of yourself as a business owner making out gift certificates. If you
own an ice cream parlor you are not going to give out a gift certificate to “Buy Ice Cream at our store.”
No, it would say “one small cone with one topping” or something similar. The former would be a path
leading to a “Going Out of Business” sign. So make your rewards very specific. You don‟t want to be in
Toys R Us arguing why a 10 foot tall, $300 giraffe doesn‟t really count as a “stuffed animal.” Similarly,
if you have limits on what type of TV shows, movies or websites your child visits make sure to state that
clearly on the prize.
Feeling Guilty
Sometimes when a child earns a prize, parents feels guilty about giving it. It is natural to feel this way,
since at times you may be allowing your child to do things he/she wouldn‟t normally do. But remember
your child has worked toward this reward through good behavior, kindness or following through with
their responsibilities. They have earned it.
Throw Everything in There
At first it may feel a bit unnatural making every good thing in your child‟s life into a prize.
Understandably, some parents find it weird to make a prize out of say, “Playing Baseball with Dad for 30
Minutes.” They feel that this is something parents and children should just do together. And we certainly
agree. However, when first beginning the system, it is important that the system encompass the entirety
of the child‟s life. We want them to understand that if they are able to make good choices that their lives
will be happier.
Of course, a hundred years ago, the consequences would be far harsher for the child. Today, in our more
enlightened society, you are essentially saying to your child: “You must show me with your behavior that
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you are ready to spend time with mom or dad” --- or any other prize. Once the system works and your
child‟s behavior is what you have always hoped for, then certainly you can bring back the spontaneity
into the relationship.
The List:
So now it‟s time to make your list. To help you think of potential prizes we have tried to generate a long
list ourselves. Many of these ideas will either not apply to your child or will be something in which your
child would not be interested. But hopefully this list will help you generate a list of your own that will
serve as appropriate motivation.
Dinner out at Restaurant of Your Choice
Trip to a Museum of Your Choice
Trip to the Park with Dad
Trip to a Sporting Event of Your Choice
Avoid a Chore for One Night
New Toy for Under $10
Avoid a Chore for One Week
New Toy for Under $20
Extra 30 Minutes of TV
Pick a treat under $3
Extra Hour of TV
Trip to McDonalds
Extra 15 minutes of TV
Trip for Pizza
Extra Hour of Videogames
Stay Up 15 Minutes Past Bedtime
Extra Hour of Screentime
Stay Up 30 Minutes Past Bedtime
Extra 30 Minutes of Screentime
Trip to a Swimming Pool
Sleepover with a Buddy
New Matchbox Car
Extra Playdate with a Buddy
Play Video Game with Dad for 1 Hour
Have Mom or Dad Cook a Special Dinner
Skip [insert something they don’t like] for
one Week
Special Dessert of Your Choice
Trip to Play Minigolf
Trip to the Circus
Control the Car Radio for One Week
Candybar Right Now!
Double Your Allowance This Week
Go Bowling!
Buy a New Comic Book (under $10)
Buy Three Songs on ITunes
Get a new stuffed animal (under $20)
Notes About the List:
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Sleep in a Strange Place in the House
Go to the Zoo
Go to Chuckie Cheese’s
Wear Crazy Clothes to School
Trip to go Ice Skating
Have Over 10 Friends for a Party (you
make up the theme
Rent a Movie of Your Choice
Go See a Movie with a Friend
Buy a Doll (under $20)
Buy a Set of Baseball Cards
Buy a Set of Pokemon Cards
Get a New Gameboy Game
Get a New Wii Game
Buy a New Book of Your Choice
Have Mom Fix Lunch of Your Choice
Have Dad Drive on Next Field Trip
at School
Swap Rooms with Mom & Dad for a Week
Cook Dinner for the Whole Family (You
Choose)
Make Mom & Dad Do Your Chore
Make Mom & Dad Clean Your Room
Set Up an Outdoor Tent in the Yard
Buy a New Pair of Sneakers
Family Watches TV at Dinner for a Week
Have Mom Do Double Workout Today
& You Choose the Show
Have Mom Decorate Your Room
Go Camping for the Weekend
Skip Bath/Shower For 3 Days
Go to Work With Mom for a Day
Sit in Dad’s Favorite Chair For the Week
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A few things to consider about the list... For one, it is good to offer a wide range of prizes. Some kids
will choose to save up for a big ticket item (“A Trip to the Circus”), while others may indulge in a daily
run of small items (candy bars, extra screentime, bath over shower). Either way is fine. (By the way, a
definition for you: “Screentime” is a way that some parents lump all TV, computer and videogame time
together to make giving rewards/consequences simpler to hand out --- as in, if a child earns 30 minutes of
screentime then they can choose among TV, handheld, videogames or computer or a combination of any
of the four for the 30 minute period)
Also note that food is something that often appears on the list. You will have to decide how you feel
about making tasty treats a reward. We feel that these “special treats” are well earned. Most parents
would probably agree that treats are OK in moderation --- and indeed, these are times that are strictly
moderated. As we will talk about later in Chapter 10 on Scheduling, your schedule should be adapted so
that when your child does get a special treat, it is because they earned it. In other words, if you go for ice
cream on Wednesday night because your child has earned it with Pride Points, you don‟t want to
randomly go out for ice cream on Tuesday or Friday. Also, remember that food makes for a very
effective and encouraging instant reward. Use the rest of the week to serve healthy meals and make your
child‟s treats well-earned and extra special.
Similarly, as we will talk about in Chapter 10, it is important to enforce strict bedtimes, homework times
and screentime (don‟t worry, we‟ll help you with this). If a child earns a prize to “Stay Up 30 Minutes
Past Your Bedtime!” and “Bedtime” is sometimes 8:30, sometimes 8:40 and sometimes 9:10, the prize is
quickly going to become meaningless.
It also is helpful to have any given prize listed in various amounts. For instance, you may have “Stay Up
15 Minutes Past Your Bedtime!” “Stay Up 30 Minutes Past Your Bedtime!” and “Stay Up 1 Hour Past
Your Bedtime!” all in the store selling for different prices.
Finally, some of the prizes can be effective in creating more quality family time. If the child wins a prize
such as “An Afternoon of Sports with Mom!” or “Cook a Meal with Dad!” this “official time” is less
likely to be put on the back burner due to other commitments.
CHAPTER 2 SUMMARY:
Make carrots specific
Make carrots feasible
Offer big and small prizes
Offer prizes for different periods of time
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Chapter 3: Sticks
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The Hard Part:
OK, now for the hard part. The sticks. To begin with, we urge you to avoid the temptation of only using
the carrots and not the sticks in Super Pride Cards. However, we DO suggest easing your child into
Super Pride Cards by starting only with the carrots for the first week or two and then bringing in the
sticks (just make sure they know that consequences will be coming eventually). Indeed the consequences
are very important. While a prize-only system may work for a few days or even a few weeks, eventually
your child will test you. If you are left in a situation where your child can simply pick and choose when
it‟s worth it to get a carrot, you will be left in an unenviable and frustrating position.
The Perfect Consequence:
There is a big difference in looking for good carrots for your child and looking for the perfect stick. With
carrots, we can be a bit more imprecise. By offering a wide range of possible carrots and pricing each one
in a marketplace, we can appeal to whatever the child might like on a particular day and at a particular
time.
But with consequences we need something that your child will always care about. That‟s why it makes
sense to have one main consequence, an old stand-by, as it were. But before describing this one main
consequence, let‟s look at a few points to consider.
The Only Option:
One reason why consequences are sometimes ineffective is because there is another equally or nearly
equal option for the child to pick instead. For instance, if a consequence is “No TV for Today” and your
child is allowed to go play equally interesting videogames, then the consequence won‟t mean very much.
And of course, the consequence won‟t have any effect on the ultimate goal of changing your child‟s
behavior the next time.
We have this problem at school when teachers send kids to the office. While this sounds scary enough,
many kids actually enjoy it! After all, the office can be a very interesting place with lots of hustle and
bustle and things to watch and people to overhear. It may get the child out of the teacher‟s hair for an
hour or two, but it‟s unlikely to change future behavior when they get back in the classroom.
What we want is a consequence that is so boring and tedious that the child will avoid it at all costs. While
this may sound uncaring, remember that once the system is up and working, the child will very rarely
have to actually suffer the consequence --- the mere threat of it will often be enough. Not to say that it is
an idle threat. When you begin Super Pride Cards, you will likely have to follow through with the
consequence a few times to convince your child that you will use it (remember, they are highly skeptical
about your likelihood to follow through). But once he/she trusts that this extended tedium will always
follow, your child is unlikely to continue to make poor choices (And if they do, we are here to help!).
Timeout Extended
In the next chapter we will dive into the nitty-gritty of the Super Pride Points and how they work. But for
now we‟ll leave you with a tease. The BIG consequence backing up the system needs to be a kind of
extended timeout in which your child loses all the privileges that he/she enjoys. Again, if this sounds too
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harsh, remember that as soon as your child decides to make good choices again, they can move
themselves out of this unhappy state.
CHAPTER 3 SUMMARY:
Sticks need to be more precise
Consequence should be the only option
Consequence should be tedious
We will have ONE major consequence
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Chapter 4: Set Up
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The Bank:
Alright, enough theory. Now it‟s time to get into the specifics of our Super Pride Card system. The heart
of Super Pride Cards is called The Bank. If you have some kind of white board lying around the house,
this makes for a perfect bank. It can even be a small white board, like the kind that college students put
on their dormitory doors at college.
Post the board up high, somewhere out
of reach. You want to make clear that
you are the only one who ever writes on
this board. Hanging it up high might
make sense --- just to avoid temptation
since the points become very important.
Print out and post the Super Pride
Points Bank logo (found in Appendix
A) on the board. If you like, you might
also decorate the bank with some of
your child‟s favorite things such as
emblems from his/her favorite sports team or favorite movie.
Your child begins with 5 free Super Pride Points, so write 5 on the white board. We‟ve found that it
piques the child‟s interest if you actually do this a few days before you start the system. Then you can
play coy… If your child asks what this is all about, you might just say, “Oh it‟s something we are going
to start in a few days.” When they ask more, you can casually say with a smile, “Oh, I‟m not allowed to
tell you yet.” We‟ve found this kind of “previewing” heightens excitement in the same way summer
blockbuster movies start advertising in
October.
Assemble Your Pride Cards:
There are quite a few different Pride Cards
that your child can win. The Pride Cards
are an attempt to divide the day into small
chunks of behavior. This is easier than
having a few set rules for an entire day. For
instance, if we were to simply establish a
rule such as “Do what Mom Says,” that
probably would encompass hundreds of
moments throughout a day. It makes it
much harder for your child to find initial
success.
So instead we have tried to divide the day
into various chunks. You will hand out
carrots and sticks for each period in isolation. This can be a relief for both parent and child. When you
first begin the system, you can both focus on just getting through one moment in time --- say breakfast --rather than an entire day of monitored behavior.
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Certainly you are not expected to use all the Pride Cards. To begin with, print out some of the cards for
areas in which you would like your child to improve. Three or four ought to do it for the first few days.
For instance, one parent wanted her daughter to improve on her behavior when taking her bath every
other night. She also wanted to work on her morning routine and playing with her younger brother. In
this case she printed out a few copies of each of these hexagon-shaped Pride Cards as found in Appendix
B.
We advise printing out the cards on some
sort of durable paper, perhaps something
between a regular sheet of paper and poster
board. While these cards do not need to be
extremely durable, the kids may end up
holding onto them for a while. Each Pride
Card is a bit like a judge‟s cards at the
Olympics --- and of course, you play the
judge. Your options are Super (+4 Pride
Points), Good (+2 Pride Points), OK (+0
Pride Points) and Blue Arrow (-2 Pride
Points). This is marked clearly on each
card. Probably time for an example…
Back in Line:
So let‟s head back to Walmart. Before entering the store you might pull out a Shopping Pride Card
(found in Appendix B) and its accompanying rule card (also found in Appendix B). By the way, these
two cards are the same size so one can be affixed to the back of the other.
Go over the rules with your child. In this case, the rules that we have typed up are: 1) No whining 2) Be
considerate of the other customers 3) No racing carts or running, and 4) Use an indoor voice.
But because the card is a Microsoft Word document, you can easily add more rules, change the wording
or take rules away. Maybe you want to be more specific… “Don‟t argue with your sister Sarah.”
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As you enter the store, you put on your umpire persona --- calm, neutral, calling the balls and strikes. If
your child does an amazing job, they earn the full 4 points for a Super Pride Card. Upon leaving the
store, you initial the Super box for 4 points. All is peachy.
But let‟s say they forget and race the cart down the aisle. In that moment, you could say, “Whoops…Ok
now the most you can get is 2 points for a Good.” You might even take out the card and “cross off” the
+4 to show that it‟s officially out (And by the way…No, they cannot move back up to +4 for doing well
during the rest of the shopping trip).
Then if your child starts begging you to buy them a soda, you say “Oops…that‟s whining, now the best
you can get is 0 points for an OK.” As we have mentioned before, do not get into a debate with your
child (less talk, more action). Ignore comments like, “Please can I have one more try?” “That‟s not fair, I
didn‟t race the cart at all” etc… Simply say, “Sorry” or “I‟m not allowed to debate the rules” and move
on. If worst comes to worst, let your child debate alone --- but try not to engage. Usually, after doing this
a few times, your child will see that the rules are non-negotiable and will break the habit of negotiating
each point. But what to do if they decide to throw a tantrum? Right, let‟s look at the Worst Case
Scenario…
Worst Case Scenario:
After a few tries, your child should rarely score below 0, especially once you‟ve proved to him/her that
you will follow through with the whole system as designed. But when first starting the system, you might
find that your child challenges the whole premise of Super Pride Cards. Occasionally, some children‟s
behavior actually gets worse for a period of time, as they attempt to reject the new carrots and sticks
arrangement. After all, this makes some sense. This probably isn‟t the first time you‟ve tried something
new and they‟ve learned through time that if they hang tough, you will eventually relent. Ah, but not this
time!
Anyway, so let‟s explore Worst Case Scenarios. If your child gets more than 3 warnings and progresses
down the scale from a Super to a Good to an OK, the
final step is a Blue Arrow. Blue Arrows mean that
they automatically lose 2 points from their Bank as
soon as you get home (and back to The Bank). Also,
there is an important additional aspect to getting a
blue arrow. If a child gets a Blue Arrow anytime
during the day that means they automatically
cannot buy anything from the Pride Store that
day. Don‟t worry, we will tell you all about this
“Pride Store” in a minute. Now, if your child
continues to tantrum even after a Blue Arrow, that is
OK. Try to remain as calm as possible. Try not to
yell or get frustrated. Know that there is an ultimate
consequence called Bankruptcy that we will introduce in the next chapter which will eventually keep your
child from falling into tantrums.
22
Also remember before this kind of melt-down can occur, you are going to try the system with just the
carrots for a while, in order to entice your child with the more appealing parts of Super Pride Cards first.
But more about this “Preseason” phase in a bit...
So we will get back to some more Worst Case Scenarios in Chapter 6, but for now let‟s continue on to
talk about the Pride Store.
Turning in the Cards:
But let‟s assume that your child does better than a -2. If they get a +4 (Super) or a +2 (Good) then you
initial that box and give them the Super Pride Card to hang on something called their Pride Wall. This is
a place where they can display all their good(+2) and super (+4) Pride Cards (Use the icon in Appendix
D). The Pride Wall can go on any prominent wall in the house, preferably not in their room, but in a
common area. When your child gets a +2 or a +4, go ahead and add that amount to your child‟s bank
total. If they get a +0 (OK), you don‟t need to give them the card because it is essentially “a wash” and
the card would have no value. However, a +4 or +2 card does have value. If for instance, they began
with 8 points in the bank and they scored a +2 (Good)
and deposited that card into the bank, your child would
then put the card on their Pride Wall and you would
change the bank board to 10 points.
Going to the Store
Now it‟s
time to set up the store. You can use the logos and a
number of potential prizes in Appendix A. Again, all of
these are in done in
Microsoft Word so
that you can finetune the prizes for
your house. You
can also make up
your own prizes
and add your own
photos. Or you
could just print out
the prizes with blank spaces and draw in your own picture. In this
way, you can make prizes out of Barbie dolls, Digimon, Seattle
Mariners tickets or whatever random prize will inspire your child.
Price Setting and Store Rules:
In Appendix A you will also find a sign which says that “Mom and Dad are allowed to change the prices
of prizes every Sunday.” Since the Pride Store is essentially a mini free market, you may find that some
prizes are more or less popular than others. Once a week you can adjust prices if you need to. Begin by
setting the prices as best you can estimate their value. You probably want small items to be worth
23
somewhere between 1 and 5 points. This way when your child initially earns points they can buy a small
item and experience the joys of the system.
There are a few other store rules that you will find in Appendix A as well. For instance, your child is
allowed to buy more than one prize at a time. However, there is a Safety Net Rule that states that they are
not allowed to spend their way “Below 3 Pride Points.” This rule exists so that they cannot go below zero
by getting just a single Blue Arrow (-2).
Also (as previously mentioned) they are not
allowed to shop for or use a prize on any
day that they get a Blue Arrow. That rule
can be a bit confusing, so here is an
example. Imagine your child buys “Stay
Up 30 Minutes Past Your Bedtime!” on
Saturday. But then your child gets a “Blue
Arrow” later day. The prize is then
automatically cancelled. Instead, they can
do it the next night or later that week.
If this seems unnecessarily harsh, consider
two things. A) That getting a Blue Arrow
means they made more than “3 mistakes”
in a given activity and still received a Blue
Arrow despite these warnings. B) That the system begins to break down if your child enjoys a privilege
(such as staying up layer) immediately following poor behavior. This would send a decidedly wrong
message.
Shopping:
As long as your child does not receive a Blue Arrow during that day, he/she can shop anytime. When
your child does buy a prize try to give it out as soon as possible. If you make “Win a Chocolate Candy
Bar!” a potential prize, then try to have a few on hand (assuming you can resist the temptation not to eat
them yourself). And if your child wins “Have Your Dad Make a Dinner of Your Choice!” then try to
make the dinner that same night. Again, it helps to make an immediate connection between good
behavior and rewards. If you are unable to give away the prize right away, you can give them the prize
logo to keep until the prize is given.
24
CHAPTER 4 SUMMARY:
Your child starts with 5 Pride Points
On each Pride Card, give a score between +4
and -2
A Blue Arrow is worth -2 Pride Points and
your child cannot shop at the store or use
prizes on that day
When your child earns a +4 or +2 you give
them the Pride Card to hang on their Pride
Wall
Your child cannot spend their way below 3
Pride Points when shopping at the store
25
Chapter 5: Bankruptcy
26
Now to satisfy your “Glass Half Empty” side, let‟s again look again at some worst case scenarios. Say
your child completely rejects the system and his/her behavior does not improve at all. After accumulating
points in the so-called “Preseason Week” (before the sticks are introduced), your child rapidly loses
ground, earning a series of consecutive Blue Arrows. Once they get to 0, or below, they enter the state
that we call “Bankruptcy.” This is where the stiff penalties come in. Consequently, for many parents it is
the hardest period to consider. So for all you softies out there, a few points to consider:
*Bankruptcy can only occur through your child‟s obvious disregard of the system and all rules and
behavior. No child will be able to go into Bankruptcy unless they flatly disregard your rules and the
system.
*As the backbone of the system there must be a consequence that is so tedious and undesirable that a
child will work hard to avoid it. When the design works properly, the child rarely (possibly never)
actually suffers this consequence. But it is there just in case…
* This is the worst consequence of Super Pride Cards, however we have worked to avoid anything that is
cruel or harsh. Its main feature is boredom. By removing the many entertainments, super-tasty foods and
enjoyments that are available on a daily basis to the modern child, we hope to motivate them to try their
best.
What is Bankruptcy?
Bankruptcy occurs when your child has 0 Super Pride Points or less (yes, negative points are possible).
Of course, because of the Safety Net Rule (which states that your child cannot spend their way below 3
points), they cannot spend their way into bankruptcy.
Bankruptcy means that your child will lose all privileges until they can earn their way back above zero by
acquiring new points. For that period of time when they are bankrupt, life is supposed to be hard --- or at
least, very boring. As mentioned before, it is not so much that we are heaping punishments upon them,
but rather, we‟re removing privileges. Temporarily gone are all the daily pleasures that the average 21 st
Century American child (and most adults!) take for granted. Here is a list of the rules for Bankruptcy that
we suggest:
27
BANKRUPTCY
RULES
*No TV, videogames, computers, movies or other forms of entertainment with a
screen
Bankruptcy Rules:
*No playdates or events with friends
*No fun activities or sports activities, even if scheduled beforehand (Behavior comes
first!)
*No treats or fast food
*No soft drinks or deserts
*No playing with siblings or pets
*No outside play
*No playing with toys
*No comic books or other books not allowed by parent
*No other special privileges
As you can see above, the rules are designed to make your child‟s life extremely tedious. This is an
attempt to persuade him/her to put forth a better effort. Of course, as soon as your child is out of
Bankruptcy then they may again participate in non-scheduled events. That is to say, those good things in
life that would not have been scheduled for that day... toys, siblings, pets, screentime etc… Let‟s look at
another example, however, to demonstrate how they cannot have scheduled events on the same day as
Bankruptcy. Let‟s say your child was at 1 point in the morning and then got a blue arrow, sending him to
-1. He would then be in Bankruptcy and lose all privileges. If later that day he earned 4 points for a
Super Pride Card, for say, a super job cleaning up, then he would be back to +3.
However, he would still suffer some consequences until the next day. Because of the Blue Arrow earlier
in the day, he could not buy anything from the store on that day. In addition, scheduled activities and
prizes would still be cancelled. For instance, if your child had a soccer game that day, he would still not
be allowed to go even if he got back above 0 (If he had a game the next day, he could go to that game
assuming he stayed above 0). If he had a “Get a Candybar at the Store” prize, he would have to wait
until the next day to use it.
28
Hopefully, you would discuss these potential consequences before starting down this course. We imagine
you saying something like, “Son, I need your behavior to improve right now or you will get a Blue
Arrow. That would put you in Bankruptcy which means you‟d miss the soccer game later today.” Again,
this is simply a reminder, not rooting. If he continues the poor behavior, then go forward with the Blue
Arrow without hesitation. You just want to make sure he understands the chain of consequences that will
follow. If all this is getting confusing, remember that you and your child will pick up the lingo quickly
once you start the system. Promise!
Again, most kids will do fine once they test to make sure that you will really follow through. Such
circumstances would really only apply to a child who was bound and determined to flaunt all the rules of
the Pride Card system.
CHAPTER 5 SUMMARY:
Bankruptcy occurs at 0 or below
Your child can come out of Bankruptcy
whenever they get back above 0
All scheduled events and prizes are cancelled
on the day of Bankruptcy
29
Chapter 6: Be Proud!
30
Be Proud:
Many parents praise their children lavishly as babies and toddlers, but once their children learn to say
“No,” things begin to change. When a child‟s behavior is constantly at odds with a parent‟s wishes, there
is naturally a great deal of friction. Many parents start to forget about the benefits of praising. They are
simply too distracted by the “bad behavior.” And of course, when the children are not praised, they often
act out to get attention. Other times parents say they would like to praise their children, but it‟s so hard to
remember to find times when their child is doing something praiseworthy. We hope that Super Pride
Cards will provide you with plenty of chances to praise your child for a job well done.
The cards themselves are one big source of pride. This is why the kids
are actually given the card to put on their Pride Wall as you put the
points in their bank account. Each card is a tangible object that
represents a job well done. They can see their good deeds! And this is
certainly a time to celebrate. Try to make a big deal out it. When they
earn Pride Cards, especially the +4 Super Pride Card, tell them how
proud you are. Even if at first they shrug it off like it is no big deal,
keep making a big deal about it.
It is also easy to use the symbols and logos of Super Pride Cards to
inform others how well your child is doing. In Appendix D you will
find a Microsoft Word document that can be used as a template to
create a small family newspaper about your child‟s achievements. A few photos, copy and paste
commands and you have a newsletter that can be printed out or emailed to grandparents, family members
and friends to celebrate your child‟s accomplishments. The newsletters can also serve as mementos that
can be posted on your fridge or saved in scrapbooks.
As your child continues to do well with Super Pride Cards, they will also begin to see other benefits to
good behavior besides just accumulating Pride Points. Not being in trouble has its own rewards! Perhaps
the greatest of these is that when kids see the tangible evidence of their good work, they begin to feel
pride for their own accomplishments.
Eventually, as your child sees how enjoyable life is when they make good choices, they will begin to
behave for more than just Pride Points alone. They will also behave so that they may feel proud of
themselves.
31
Chapter 7: Sign Up Sheets &
Lightning Strikes
32
The Rest of the Time:
But what about the rest of the day? We have seen how Pride Cards can help with specific events and
times such as dinnertime, bathtime or cleaning up. But can you give out and take away points during the
other periods of the day?
Yes you can. On the carrot side, we have provided three sign up sheets which give you a chance to
reward with Pride Points during the day. Each sign-up sheet is for a different type of good behavior.
There is the “Hard Work Sheet,” the “Kindness Sheet” and the “Stick with It Sheet.” Each of these sheets
give you a chance to reward your child for doing a good job. There are also ways to take away points, but
we‟ll examine those in just a bit…
Print out the forms in Appendix E and hang them somewhere prominent
in your house such as on the refrigerator or the door to your child‟s
bedroom. When your child does something good (i.e. hard work,
kindness, perseverance) during the day, you can give them Pride Points.
You do this by having them “sign up” on the appropriate chart for a
certain number of Points that you determine. Once they have filled an
entire chart, print out a new one. The old chart can then serve as a
powerful record of their accomplishments to be hung on their Pride Wall.
“The Hard Work Sign-Up Sheet” is often used for schoolwork, chores or
other hard work. For instance, let‟s say your daughter is in a play and just
spent 2 hours practicing her lines. For this fine effort you might give her 2
Pride Points for Hard Work. On the Hard Work Sheet, she would write
“studied lines for 2 hours” for “2 points.” You would then add 2 points to
her bank account (no Pride Cards are involved in this transaction).
“The Kindness Sign-Up Sheet” is to encourage acts of kindness both in and
outside the house. For instance, you could
have your child sign up for a Pride Point on
the sheet if you see them helping a friend or
showing kindness towards a sibling.
“The Stick With it Sign-Up Sheet” is used to encourage and reward your
child when they persevere during a difficult task. For instance, let‟s say
your child shows good sportsmanship in a basketball game even during a
tough loss. Or if he is very upset with his sister but instead of yelling or
hitting, he goes off to his room to calm down. You can refer to these
types of incidents as “Stick With it” Moments. And by having them sign
up for Pride Points after such an event occurs, you will reinforce this
healthy behavior and celebrate their determination.
33
Lightning Strikes:
The flip side of the coin is the “Lightning Strike.”
Lightning Strikes are a way in which you can subtract
Pride Points for misbehavior. The Lightning Strike is
there so you can address any serious misbehavior that
occurs during the “in between times” when a Pride Card
is not in play. Using the list that you create with
Appendix E, you can come up with penalties for
behaviors you wish to discourage. As we will discuss in
the next chapter, Lightning Strikes should not be
introduced until you are a few weeks into the system.
CHAPTER 7 SUMMARY:
Hang sign-up sheets in a prominent place in
your house
You choose how many Pride Points your child
signs up for on the Sign-Up Sheets
Lightning Strikes can be given out anytime
Make a list of Lightning Strike rules
Wait a few weeks before introducing
Lightning Strikes
34
Chapter 8: Introducing the
System to Your Child
35
Step by Step:
It is best to introduce Super Pride Cards in stages. This will
make the process easier for both you and your child. The
amount of points, cards, terms and rules in Super Pride
Cards can be a bit overwhelming and it is best for everyone
if each stage is mastered before the next stage is introduced.
We have provided a To Do sheet that you can find before the
appendices on our website. It looks like this:
A Little Mystery:
As mentioned before, it can heighten your child‟s curiosity if
you begin to set up the store, the bank and the Pride Cards
before explaining the system to them. If you leave them
there for a couple days and tell them, “We are starting on
Monday morning,” they are likely to be more excited come
Monday.
The Preseason:
The first week or two of the program is called “The Preseason.” You can tell your child it is kind of like
practice. During the Preseason, you pick a few Pride Card challenges and use only the carrots. If your
child succeeds, you can give them a +4 or +2 Pride Card (if they don‟t, tell them that it would be a +0 or 2 once you start the regular season). Then demonstrate how to cash in their Pride Card for Pride Points at
the store. This is also a good time to show them how to make purchases at the store.
The preseason helps ease your child into the system by showing them the positive side first. But this is
very important --- all through the Preseason keep reminding them (in a casual, not preachy way) that once
the regular season starts that there will be minus points as well. If your child doesn‟t pay much attention
to this, that is fine, but it is important that they know that sticks will eventually be added to the carrots.
The Regular Season
Once your child seems to have the hang of the Pride Store and the Pride Cards and you feel they are
ready, it‟s time to bring in the sticks. Let them know that the next day the Blue Arrows will be
introduced. The first time your child gets a Blue Arrow you may see a tantrum. While this may be the
hardest part, it is necessary to go through it in order to show that behind the prizes is the threat of a major
consequence. The good news is that after you do this once or twice, you may never have to again!
Then over the next few weeks you can bring in the Sign-Up Sheets, The Lightning Strikes and finally the
Races, Deals and Treasure Hunts which we will outline in the next section.
36
CHAPTER 8 SUMMARY:
Begin with a “Preseason” for the first week or
two
In the Preseason only use the carrots
Inform your child that there will be minus
points introduced into the system eventually
37
Chapter 9: Fun & Games
38
Other Challenges
Aside from the Pride Card challenges that make up the bulk of the Super Pride Cards, there are some
other fun games that you can use with your child for motivation. One we call “Races.” This is a bit like
the old room-cleaning scene in Mary Poppins. A simple timer and the possibility of earning Pride Points
can make room clean-up much more fun and avoid the usual pitched battle between parent and child. Just
a spoonful of sugar…
Use our Races form in Appendix F. You might want to print out a few to have on hand. When you call
for Race Time (either with a warning ahead of time or spontaneously), then you fill out the form with
your child. You also want to have some kind of kitchen timer or stopwatch. In a room-cleaning Race,
you want to decide how many Super Pride Points your
child will get if he/she cleans the room, in say, 5 minutes,
10 minutes or 15 minutes (perhaps, 3 points, 2 points and 1
point). You also want to write down some clear definitions
for what you mean by “clean.” One man‟s clean may be
another man‟s just throw everything under the bed. Try to
be as specific as possible…such as, “All the stuffed
animals placed neatly on the shelf,” or “Everything off the
floor of the closet and in its proper place.” Of course, you
will always have some gray areas in such definitions, but
hopefully by the end of the race, the room will be much
cleaner than when your child began!
You should also remind your child that you are the “Inspector” of the room, so it is only clean if you say
so. When we used to play this game in the classroom, the moment we started the timer the kids would be
a whirl of motion, cleaning like they never had before!
But Races are not just for cleaning. They can help your child accomplish other tasks as well. For
instance, Races can help with the parent/child tug-of-war that goes on at the school playground. At pickup time, parents often try to get the kids moving while the kids (quite naturally) want 5 more minutes on
the monkey bars. Other families struggle with battles getting ready for school in the morning, coming to
the dinner table or getting to bed on time.
All of these struggles can be made into Races. Obviously, if coming off the playground is an issue, you
may want to keep a timer and some Race Time Stat Sheets in the car.
But let‟s take the example of coming to breakfast on time…
Many parents struggle to get their child to wake up, get ready for
school and get down to breakfast. If your child has such early
morning issues, you can help them by setting up a Race the night
39
before. To make it more fun, you could use the Finish Line in Appendix F. Let‟s say you establish with
your child that you will wake them up at 6:50 with a pleasant “Wake up sleepyhead…” Perhaps at 7:00,
you give them a reminder wake-up. As established in the Race Time Stat Sheet the night before, they
have to be at the Finish Line (which you locate on the floor next to the breakfast table) at 7:20 or earlier.
They also have to 1) Brush their teeth 2) Get dressed and 3) Have their backpack ready for school. It
might be good to have a digital clock next to the Finish Line so there is no room for argument. For Pride
Points, you could say: If they beat 7:15, they get two Pride Points, if they beat 7:20, they get one Pride
Point, between 7:20 and 7:25, they get zero Pride Points and after 7:25, they lose one Pride Point. If they
don‟t wake up at all and you have to go get them out of bed, that would be a Blue Arrow.
You can set up similar timer-based strategies on the playground, giving 10 minute, 5 minute and 1 minute
warnings. Perhaps rather than bringing along the finish line, you can establish that touching the car
counts as the finish line.
Let’s Make a Deal:
When one of our authors was about 6 years old, he made a bet with his father. His dad would reduce his
coffee intake to just one cup per day if our author stopped sucking his thumb. It was a good oldfashioned bet and it worked like a charm. Both sides accomplished their tasks and everyone won. Not
only that, it was symbolic of a different kind of relationship between father and son. It is good for parents
to acknowledge that they too have aspects of their life on which they are working. Rather than pretending
that we are perfect beings with a right to always criticize our child and his/her foibles, we show that we
too are also “works in progress.”
One way to set up a deal is to look for something that you would like to
improve in your own life and associate it with a challenge in your
child‟s life. For instance, many adults would like to exercise more, but
have trouble finding the time or the will power to do so. Perhaps your
child is supposed to do a half hour of reading each night, but never
seems to find the time or the will power to do that either. That makes
for a perfect swap. You make a deal that every night you will get on
the Stairmaster for 30 minutes while your child reads on the couch in
the next room. It is great fun for a child to see that parents also
sometimes have to struggle to accomplish what they want to do.
You can set up the deal in a couple of different ways --- as a
competitive “bet” or as a non-competitive “agreement.” Which you choose probably depends on your
child‟s personality and your relationship. A competitive bet is where you and your child actually compete
to see who is able to accomplish their daily task. For instance, in the Stairmaster/reading example, mom
might be allowed to take away one Pride Point if she did her workout and her son did not do his reading.
If on another night, mom slacked off on the exercise and her son completed the reading, he would gain
one Pride Point. Many days it might be a draw.
A more casual arrangement is to simply use the agreement for mutual motivation. For many children, just
the image of mom or dad working up a sweat and complaining about a tiresome workout is enough to
40
motivate the child to go do their reading. A third option is to begin informally and then move to a
competitive bet if needed.
Treasure Hunt
Another fun game is called a Treasure Hunt. While this activity does take some time and effort on your
part, it can make for great entertainment. To begin with, buy your child a toy that you know they will
really want --- something highly desirable. Then you hide the toy (still in the box) somewhere in your
house or your backyard. The tricky part is that it has to
be such a good hiding spot that they cannot find it
without clues. Just putting it in the back of the closet
isn‟t going to cut it because they are allowed to look for
it. For instance, if you have a garden, one option is to
get out the old shovel and actually dig a little hole for
burying.
The next step is to send mysterious letters to your child
perhaps from a fictional character…If you bought them a
Lego set then “The Lego Santa” might be appropriate.
Have fun with it and make the clues difficult. Include a
photograph of the toy in your mysterious letter to help
pique their interest. Of course, they will probably look
all over the house for the toy to try to find it. Don‟t give
away any free clues!
When they ask you where it is hidden, tell them with a
casual air that the Lego Santa (or whatever you call your
fictitious character) is providing clues in the Pride Store
for 3 Pride Points a piece. You want to try to design these clues with the goal that they will have to
purchase 4 or 5 before they figure out where the toy is. This will increase the suspense and get a little
more bang for your buck. Another option besides digging up your garden is to buy something small in
size but big in value and hide it very well inside the house. You could also make it into a kind of map
problem. Perhaps one clue states that the prize is within 25 feet of the refrigerator and then, later, another
clue says it is within 16 feet of the bedroom door --- that sort of thing.
Check Appendix F to find a letter form you could use for your mysterious letters. Good luck!
41
Chapter 10: Scheduling
42
Keep a Log:
You may find that a successful behavior plan is as much about creating order in your own life as your
child‟s. Children that live in calm, tranquil, orderly and scheduled environments tend to have an easier
time with behavior. After all, how often do behavior problems arise when you are in a rush? The Daily
Log found in Appendix G is actually a good way to keep track of this. Keep the log for a week or so.
Each time there is an incident of misbehavior, write it down. The log will ask you to rate how annoyed
/mad/upset you are on a scale of 1 through 10. Were you just slightly bothered? (A rating of 1 or 2) Or
were you shouting or on the verge of tears? (A rating of 9 or 10) Then it asks you to examine what else
you were doing at the time. Many times parents find they were doing a great many other things at the
time.
Not being in a constant rush often helps parents react calmly to their children.
For instance, let‟s say your child is laughing, running and playing on the
monkey bars with his friends. You ask him to come off the playground so that
you can leave. Naturally, he doesn‟t really want to. If you have 20 minutes to
give him a slow countdown --- he has 10 more minutes, 5 more minutes, 1 more
minute… He is likely to put up minimal or no fuss when time is finally up.
On the other hand, if you arrive frazzled, the situation can be much different.
Let‟s say you show up at 2:58 and your son has a 3:00 doctor‟s appointment
scheduled across town and you have frozen foods melting in the backseat of the
car. The tension will naturally be much higher. The exact same behavior from your child will most likely
be far more irritating. You may try to explain about the appointment and the doctor waiting and the
melting sorbet, but your child is focused on his friends and
mounting for a dive into the sand off the high beam. Conflict will
no doubt arise…
In this chapter we try to help you establish a more orderly weekly
schedule. If successful, this will likely have a positive impact on
the behavior of your child.
Make a Weekly Schedule:
A good place to start is to make a kid-friendly weekly schedule
using the Microsoft Word template in Appendix G. We want to
design a schedule that is accessible to the entire family. Although
we lay out some broad guidelines for creating a schedule in this
chapter, it is also something our staff can help you with individually through our Instant Messaging and
Email features.
Avoid the Mad Rush:
43
It is important to set a consistent wake up time and bedtime for your child. The easiest way to determine
a proper bedtime is to work backwards from the hour that school starts the next day. For instance, let‟s
assume that school starts at 8:00 AM. Work backwards to find the time that your child would need to
wake up to get to school on time comfortably.
We are not looking for the time in which they could make it in a mad rush. Rather, it means to get there
with a few minutes to spare, walking at a normal speed, eating at a leisurely pace and waking up with a
perhaps a snooze or a reminder, as we described earlier. When a family is rushing like crazy to get out
the door, there is bound to be more tension and misbehavior.
Let‟s say that your child is lucky enough to go to school within a 15 minute walk or drive from home. If
school starts at 8:00 that may mean a 6:45 or 6:50 wake up time in order to avoid the mad rush. Doctors
recommend that most children need at least 10 hours of sleep. And, of course, tired and cranky children
are less likely to behave. So take that 6:45 wake up time and give your child his/her 10 hours of sleep. In
this example that would result in an 8:45 bedtime.
Even then, you want to start the “Going to Bed Process” much earlier. Perhaps 8:00 is the time to start
putting away toys and beginning the process of brushing teeth, reading a story and getting into sleeping
mode. After all, if you set bedtime as 8:45 then you want to have the lights out at 8:45. If you‟ve just
begun the bedtime routine at 8:45, the lights probably won‟t really be out until 9:30.
Homework Time:
Another important time to stake out is when your child will do his/her homework. Our recommendation
is to give your child a short break to eat and play after coming home (maybe 30 minutes) and then go
straight to homework. As the evening gets later, most children become less receptive to school tasks. It
also makes sense to get work done first and then have time to play, watch TV, eat dinner and spend time
with mom and dad.
Other Times:
Other times such as dinner tend to vary a great deal depending on when family members get home. In
general, we feel it is important to stick to three scheduled times during the day: Wake up Time, Bedtime
and Homework Time. If you are consistent with these three items, other scheduled activities such as
dinner should fall into place.
So What Goes?
Still, you might be wondering how you are going to squeeze in all of these activities and still have time
not to rush around like a crazy person. If you really have a real sit-down dinner and breakfast, if your
child really gets 10 hours of sleep, if you really have a calm morning and bedtime routine, will there be
enough time for everything?
Look for overscheduling. Of course it is all a question of priorities, but for many children, the place to
find more time is in their afternoons and weekends. The rise of Sylvan, Score! and a host of other music,
art, gymnastics, karate and sports programs has resulted in children with an appointment nearly every
weekday between 3 and 6pm. While many of these classes are beneficial, we urge you to choose just 1 or
44
2 for the weekdays. When your child does not get home until 6 o‟clock, the evening becomes very short
indeed. Many parents and children are so busy zooming around in the minivan that the day becomes a
mad rush to beat the clock. Try to simplify.
Still, many working parents have little choice but to send their children to daycare until 5 or 6 o‟clock. In
such a case, you may need to get particularly creative with weekends and very efficient with those few
hours between 6 and 9. We can help you set up these compressed schedules through our Email and
Instant Messaging features.
CHAPTER 10 SUMMARY:
Keep a Daily Log and make a Weekly
Schedule
Set consistent times for wake up, bedtime
and homework time
Try to simplify your child’s schedule as much
as possible
45
Chapter 11: Frequently Asked
Questions
46
FAQ:
Can I use the system with more than one child at a time?
Yes, certainly. Of course this means that there is more of which to keep track, since each child should
have a bank and store. But there are some advantages. For instance, for the “Siblings” card, the kids will
have to work together to do well or they will both lose points together. Also, they can work to motivate
each other. For instance, if you go to a restaurant and one child loses the chance for a Super (+4) by
being too loud, that warning also serves as a reminder to your other child.
Ages should be considered. Our system works best for kids between 1st and 5th grade. If your children
are far apart in age then it may make sense to only use the cards with the child who is of target age. A
middle-school student may not be that interested in prizes, while a pre-kindergarten child may not be
ready for the responsibility and intricacy of the system. If however you have two (or more) children
within the target ages, we would urge you to use the system with more than one child --- even if there is
just one child whose behavior is of concern. It would be alienating for either child to be left out of the
system and not be allowed to participate in prize-buying. In addition, it is likely that the “better-behaved”
sibling will have a positive influence on your other child. If one child sees the example of their sibling
earning Pride Points and happily shopping at the store, this will likely be a motivating factor to the child
who is more challenging.
What do I do with Pride Cards when my child gets a +0 or a -2?
You can keep the +0 or -2 cards. If you are able to erase the marks made on the cards, you may be able to
reuse them. Because they do not have positive value, however, you do not need to keep them or give
them to your child.
What do I do if my child refuses to follow the Bankruptcy rules?
There is a certain point where it is imperative that your child obeys you. A crisis in the system occurs if
your child enters Bankruptcy and you cannot find a way to implement the consequence. This is very
serious. In order for the system to work, you need to be able to exercise control over their behavior at this
critical point. This is the moment where you may need to actually use physical force to make sure they
stay in their room, go on the computer etc... You made need to take their toys and store them where they
cannot reach them until they come out of Bankruptcy. If you enter this so-called Crisis phase, please
contact us immediately so that we can provide you with assistance.
How do I reach a Super Pride Card teacher in an emergency?
You can always email our team at [email protected] If your question is urgent write
“Emergency” in the subject line and we will try to get back to you as soon as we possibly can.
What are the purpose of the two 45 minute Super Pride Card Instant Messaging Sessions?
47
We offer two opportunities for you to talk to a member of our team to try to adapt the Super Pride Cards
system to your child and your household. Our recommendation is to use the initial 45-minute Instant
Messaging session after you have read our ebook but before you begin using the system with your child.
The second chat session is probably best used after initially introducing consequences into the system.
Are there more games that I can play with my child that are similar to the Treasure Hunt and
the Races?
Yes, we are currently working on more of these games and we plan on adding new competitions and
games to the system soon.
What if I want to share Super Pride Cards with a friend?
We ask that you do not share our ebook with others for free. However, we will send you a $5 “Pass it
Along Bonus” (through Paypal or check) if someone cites you as their reference when they purchase our
ebook. Please ask them to simply include your name under “reference” when they fill out the online
signup form. While we have not protected the ebook with security software, we ask in good faith that you
do not pass our book along for free. We are a small company and our survival is based upon customers
who find success with our behavior system and recommend signing up to their friends. Thank you!
48
Let’s Go!
49
Final Thoughts:
Well, now comes the exciting part…trying it out with your own child! Remember though, this is not the
end of our help. We have attempted to provide a good starting point for a wide range of families,
however, each family is different and each child is different. The system will need to be altered and
adapted to meet the needs of every family that uses it.
For this reason, we offer the Email and Instant Messaging features of the program. We will be there to
help you adapt the system and to assist during any moments of crisis. Please feel free to contact us
anytime at [email protected] and a member of our team will get back to you within 24 hours,
usually much sooner. In addition, please take advantage of the two 45 minute chats that we offer.
Now it‟s time for a fresh start! Good luck!
50

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Transcription

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