99 September 2009

Transcription

99 September 2009

September 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 1
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WWW.IONAZ.COM September 2009
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WWW.IONAZ.COM
August 2009
THE OFFICIAL AFTER SPLASH BASH PARTY
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WWW.IONAZ.COM
August 2009
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WWW.IONAZ.COM
August 2009
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WWW.IONAZ.COM
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August 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM 17
Art,
Fashion, Theatre, Oh My!
Throughout my youth, I was always
fascinated with the arts (and my
parents didn’t know I was gay!)
When I was in elementary school, I
would draw at least four hours a day.
Give me a pencil and a pad of paper
and I would disappear into my own
world. I never thought I was very good
and always knew I could do better. But
drawing made me happy. In Middle
School, I took my first drama class
and fell in love with a new kind of art. I
never thought I was good and I always
knew I could be better, but acting made
me happy. I also loved fashion and
was one of the few boys that actually
coordinated my outfits and matched
colors. I loved to shop for clothes. I
never thought I was a good dresser
and I always knew I could be better, but
fashion made me happy. I found very
few people that shared my passion with
the arts until I moved to Arizona.
Arizona has a great growing arts,
theatre, and fashion community led
by many talented people in the GLBT
community. Just go to First Fridays, to
one of our many independent theatre
company shows, or attend Phoenix
Fashion week . And the best part is,
unlike older more established cities,
you can still join in on the fun and get in
on the ground floor. Are we New York,
LA, Paris, Milan? No but we sure have
better weather than most! Well, except
for LA. But we don’t have earthquakes.
And speaking of our awesome weather,
Splash Bash Labor Day Weekend is
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here! Don’t forget to get your room
at ionaz.com or call the hotel directly
at (602) 604-4900. This is your last
chance to get discount tickets at Unique
Urban Boutique, Root Seller Gallery
and the Off Chute Too before Friday.
After that, you can get your rooms
and tickets at the hotel on Saturday,
September 5th. If the 500+ will and may
attends on our Face-book out of 1400
friends is any indication, this will be the
biggest Splash Bash yet. Meet your
sexy host, Glenn Douglas Packard,
from the hit VH1 show Brooke Knows
Best. DJ Sister Sin will be spinning
all day and there will be a special live
poolside performance of Arizona’s
own Jessika Murphy singing “Let’s Get
Soaking Wet” and “It’s Raining Men.”
Don’t miss out on the fun! There won’t
be another Splash Bash until Memorial
Day weekend next year.
We’re excited because next month, we
will be publishing our 100th Special
Edition issue with 132 pages. It’ll be our
fabulous Halloween issue and it’ll be
distributed at Rainbows Festival and at
Tucson Pride.
Be sure to visit IONAZ.com and check
out our expanded online edition loaded
with extra Party Cams and more!
Be careful, take care of each other and
we can’t wait to see you at Splash Bash
9! They just keep getting better. Like
ION Arizona!
Jack Tesorero
Publisher
ION ARIZONA CENTER
3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012
(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939
www.IONAZ.com
[email protected]
PUBLISHER
Jack M. Tesorero ....................... [email protected]
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... [email protected]
EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR
Deon Brown - Ext 2 ................... [email protected]
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT
Craig Rubin ................................. [email protected]
PRODUCTION & ARTWORK
[email protected]
ADVERTISING SALES
Jorge Suarez, Ext 1 ..................... [email protected]
PHOTOGRAPHERS:
Don Thompson
Jerry O’Conner
Michael Chesworth
Michael Scott
Cover Photo by Alex Tamargo
NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE
Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863
CONTRIBUTORS:
Corey Blanchette
Wes Bergman
Addison DeWitt
Jackson David Kelly
Ted Kirby
David Alan Maxey
Kim Ruff
Paul Sanchez
TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS,
CALL (602) 308-4662.
Published monthly by
© 2009 Tesorero Omni Media
a JMT Designs, Inc. company
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN THE USA
All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine
remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.
NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its
parent company.
Publication of the name or photograph of any person or
organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as
any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or
organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed
and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some
photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge,
they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to
reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call
us immediately and we will remove it from future publications.
All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are
published with the understanding that the advertisers are
fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the
use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person,
and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of
such content.
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13th ANNIVERSARY WEEKEND
PARTY CAM
BEACH PARTY
Photos submitted by Kevin Bushaw
Photos submitted by Craig Rubin
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Casa Grande Gay Day
1Voice
LGBT Community Center
Central Arizona Rainbow Equality Productions presents the
First Annual Casa Grande Gay Day on Saturday, Sept. 26! Join
your friends just 45 short minutes away from downtown Phoenix
and Tucson for a gay celebration in Big House! Gay Day is
hosted by Barbra Seville, Chane Jordan and features top notch
entertainment. Take I-10 and to Exit 190 and go to the Dave White
Park. 2121 N. Thornton Rd. downtown. Visit CentralArizonaRainbowEquality.com for more info. See ad on page 90
Open the doors! It’s our community center! Join your friends at the Grand
Opening Open House at the new location - 725 W. Indian School Rd. on
Friday, Sept. 4 from 6-10 p.m. They’ll have LGBT artists, refreshments, entertainment. Don’t miss the After Party at Apollo’s! Don’t miss the ribbon cutting ceremony
is Sept. 11 at 8:30 a.m. See ad on page 47.
AIDS Walk & Rainbows Festival
Tie up your shoelaces, because it’s time for AIDS Walk 2009. Get involved
and together we can help find a cure. Visit AIDSwalk2009.org for info. After
the walk enjoy a day of entertainment, food, fun and a whole lot more at
Rainbows Festival 2009 at Heritage Square. It all happens downtown
Phoenix October 3 & 4! See you there! See ads on page 43 & 58.
The New Rock
Been to The Rock lately? Go! It’s under new ownership, had a
facelift and there’s lots going on! See Kiki Vermont in “Diva’s
Review” starting Sept. 16 at 10 p.m. and Mya McKenzie’s “Diamond Dolls” starting Oct. 3 and every Saturday at 10:30 p.m. and Funday
Sundays, too. 4129 N. 7th Ave. or visit TheRockDM.com for more info. Phone:
602-248-8559 See ad page 21.
Breakout Thursday at Palazzo
It’s 2-for-1 all night long! No cover, two DJs, 2 Dance Floors,
featuring Top 40, Dance and and Hip-Hop! Where else, but
at Club Palazzo on Thursday, September 17. 710 N. Central
Ave. next to Amsterdam. See ad on page 15.
Frenchie Davis at Forbidden
It’s Mischieve Night! American Idol contestant and Broadway
sensation of Ain’t Misbehavin’, Miss Frenchie Davis, Scandalesque, the Men of Forbidden combined with Hornitos Tequila
make an unforgettable night at Forbidden on Fri. Sept. 25.
ForbiddenAZ.com. 6820 E. 5th Ave. Phone: 480-994-5176. See
ad on page 12.
BS West Turns 21
The club is old enough to drink! Help celebrate Thursday, Sept. 24 thru’ Sunday, Sept. 27 for Bartender
Challenge, Boys of BS Review and BBQ and on Fri.
Sept. 21 all drinks are 1¢ at a party hosted by MTV
Real World Cancun’s Derek Chavez! 7125 E. 5th Ave.
Scottsdale. Phone: 480-945-09028. See ad on page 6.
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SEPTEMBER 2009 ION EVENTS LISTINGS
DATE
EVENT & LOCATION
CITY
4
1 Voice Community Ctr. Grand Opening
5
Splash Bash at Radisson City Ctr.
5
Red Hot Salvation at Forbidden
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Funday Sundays at The Rock
5-7
Rocky Point Weekend at Charlie’s
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Eric Himan at BS West
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BS West Flashlight Party
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Sunday Brunch at Roscoe’s
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Diva’s Review at The Rock
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DJ Sterling at Forbidden
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Breakout Thursday at Palazzo
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Miss Pumphouse Pageant
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Afterglow Party at Apollo’s
21 & 22 End of Summer Bash at Dick’s
24-27
BS West Turns 21
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Scandalesque at Cherry Lounge
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Scandalesque & Frenchie Davis - Forbidden
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Casa Grande Gay Day
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I Phelta Thi Frat Party - Forbidden
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Aunt Rita’s Spaghetti Dinner - Z Girl Club
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Miss Mundo Gay 2009 at Karamba
OCTOBER
1-3
Phoenix Fashion Week - Valley Ho
3
Diamond Dolls at The Rock
3
AIDS Walk
3&4
Rainbows Festival at Heritage Square
3&4
“Best of” Weekend at Amsterdam
3
Foam Party at Forbidden
3
CeCe Peniston at Incognito
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Scottsdale
Scottsdale
Phoenix
Phoenix
Scottsdale
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Scottsdale
Tempe
Scottsdale
Casa Grande
Scottsdale
Phoenix
Phoenix
Scottsdale
Phoenix
Downtown Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Scottsdale
Phoenix
BS WEST - SCOTTSDALE
PORNOPALOOZA
Photos by Deon Brown
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WWW.IONAZ.COM
September 2009
Arizona
Fall Frenzy
Surf over to the Tempe Beach Park for a helluva concert-apalooza! The
line-up includes Rob Thomas, Jason Mraz, B-52s, Mr. Gwen Stefani – Gavin
Rossdale, Blink-182, Fall Out Boy, Flogging Molly, Ben Harper, The Bravery, Social
Distortion and more! There’ll be food, drinks, carnival rides and more! Mark your calendars for
September 18, 19, and 20. Log onto www.luckymanonline.com for tickets and details.
P!NK
Get this party started! Because that quirky, perky, little pixie, the Missandaztood Alecia Beth Moore more familiarly known as P!nk will
be in the “Funhouse” with The Ting Tings on Sunday, September
20 at the Jobing.com Arena, 9400 W. Maryland Ave. Get your tix
at www.TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000
The Killers
See the super-cute jack-Mormon
frontman Brandon Flowers and his
syntho-pop/post-punk revival movement
band do what they do best without burying their music
in nostalgia. Zip over to the Dodge Theatre on
Friday, September 28. 400 W. Washington.
Tix at www.LiveNation.com or call 602-379-2888
SEPTEMBER 2009 ION CONCERT CALENDAR
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DATE
ARTIST/EVENT
LOCATION
5
8
9
9
11
17
18-20
20
23
24
25
28
29
30
The Mars Volta
Nickelback
Hall & Oates
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Legends of Funk w/ Ohio Players
Foreigner
Arizona Fall Frenzy
P!NK & the Ting Tings
Sugar Ray
Bonnie Raitt
Miley Cyrus
The Killers
Creed
Billy Squier
Dodge Theatre
Jobing.com
Dodge Theatre
Celebrity Theatre
Celebrity Theatre
Celebrity Theatre
Tempe Beach Park
Jobing.com Arena
Marquee Theatre
Dodge Theatre
Jobing.com
Dodge Theatre
Jobing.com Arena
Celebrity Theatre
by Jackson David Kelly
[email protected]
Yo, DJ!
What’s New?
With music’s fourth quarter right around the
corner, fans will be pleased to know that a
parade of new releases are about to drop! In
addition to these, find new albums from The
Black Crows, Nelly Furtado (Spanish album),
Simple Minds, Jay-Z, Beastie Boys, Harry
Connick, Jr., Basement Jaxx, Paramore,
Barbra Streisand and the complete Beatles
catalogue reissue
Madonna
Celebration (9/29)
And so the chapter
ends. Madonna’s
career ending project
for WB’s finally
sees the ray of light.
Packaged as a
remastered double
or single disc as well
as a double DVD,
this collection is sure to please and anger
many fans. The fact that Madonna has had
a record 37 top 10 hits makes it difficult for
this to be all encompassing. And then there
are the two bonus tracks, “Celebration” and
“Revolver.” The first is an amped up club
tune à la “Confessions” while the second
and savvier of the two is a track very current
of radio play today. Whatever the case, this
album will surely end up in many of your
stockings this holiday.
Muse
Resistance (9/15)
Much in the way The
Killers grew on their
last album, Muse takes
their music to new
heights and gives us
a package that is less
extravagant/produced,
but one that still packs
a punch. First single
“United States of Eurasia” proves somewhat
timid with its Queen-esque vibe but it’s
the lead single “Uprising” that screams of
brilliance with its electric, pulsating, marching
beat. Though the three tracks at the end
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prove “interesting” on the whole, Muse’s
trademark guitar riffs, an organ/piano cavalry
and Bellamy’s falsetto make this album a
breath of fresh air and a collection Adam
Lambert would be proud of.
Whitney Houston
I Look to
You (out now)
Don’t call this a
comeback; call this,
“I never left!” Whitney
Houston teams up
with a vast array of
producers including
Akon, R Kelly, Swizz
Beats, David Foster
and Diane Warren. Initial single “My Own
Strength” proves tepid comparatively, but
it’s the title track that soars with incredible
strength and a melody similar to Pachelbel’s
“Canon.” Also proving noteworthy are the upbeat “Nothin’ But Love” and the amped up
classic “Song for You.” And then there is the
funky “Million Dollar Bill,” a song that shows
creativity and a true desire to be current.
Oh how good it is to hear this songstress so
alive again.
Mariah Carey
Memoirs of an
Imperfect Angel (9/15)
After stalling the
release of her latest
effort, Def Jam hopes
a new marketing
strategy, including a
bizarre mini magazine
insert with paid
advertising will help this
album to perform. Lead single “Obsessed”
proves to be too safe and fails to deliver a
hook we’ve all come to expect. However,
“HATEU” and “Standing O” make up for that,
providing melody, all while sounding current
yet gentle yet solidly R&B. And then there’s
the signature “Impossible” where Mariah’s
whispering makes a purr. Overall, it’s on
par with her last album, but it’s the lack
of imagination and growth that ultimately
makes you want more.
Are you
our friend?
1400+
Over 1400 friends and
growing. Join the fun!
Go to www.ionaz.com for
a link to our Facebook
and MySpace!
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5TH ANNIVERSARY PARTY
MICHAEL JACKSON TRIBUTE
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Special Advertising Section
38
MORE PICTURES AT IONA Z.COM
LEATHERMEN
Photos submitted by Craig Rubin
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AMATEUR STRIP SEARCH
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Photos by Brian Collins
Legally Blonde:
The Musical
Enjoy the musical ditzy girl-meets-boy adventure of Elle
Woods and her Delta Nu sorority sisters, her legal internship,
a murder, an engagement, with lots of dancing and singing.
Omigod You Guys! Find out if blondes have more fun at ASU
Gammage in Tempe. 1200 S. Forest Ave. For tix visit
www.asugammage.com or call 480-965-3434
Blackbird
Critically acclaimed and controversial. He went to jail. She went
home. Una forces Ray to come to terms with the effects of their past
relationship and pulls him into a brutal encounter that is gripping,
surprising and unforgettable. Based on a true story and presented by
Tempe’s Stray Cat Theatre. Tempe Performing Arts Center. 132
E. 6th St. Tempe. Tix online at www.StrayCatTheatre.org
A Bad Friend
It’s the ‘50s and welcome to the Wallach’s! Marxists Shelly and
Naomi are way Left-wing, committed to Civil Rights, Stalin and
more. Rebellious teenage daughter Rose has her own principles.
Never discuss politics with your family! iTheatre Collaborative
shows why at the Herberger Theater Center September 11-26. 222
E. Monroe. www.itheatreaz.org. Call 602-252-8497 for tix.
SEPTEMBER 2009 ION THEATER + STANDUP
DATE
thru 11
8-24
10-13
10-26
11-12
11-26
11-27
thru 12
15-10/11
17-10/3
thru 20
thru 20
22-27
25-10/10
thru 29
thru 10/11
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EVENT
Talk Radio
Mighty Vandals
Bill Burr
10 Minute Play Showcase
Kevin Nealon
A Bad Friend
Triple Expresso
Rent
Curtains
The Comedy of Errors
Forever Plaid
The Taffetas
Legally Blonde - The Musical
Blackbird
Mid-Life! The Musical
The Fantasticks
LOCATION
Chryo Arts Venue - Scottsdale
Herberger Theater
Tempe Improv
Space 55 Theatre Ensemble - Phx
The Comedy Spot - Scottsdale
iTheatre Collaborative - Herberger
Actors Theatre - Herberger Theater
Nearly Naked Theatre - Phoenix
Phoenix Theatre
SW Shakespeare/Mesa Arts Ctr
AZ Broadway Theatre - Peoria
AZ Broadway Theatre - Peoria
ASU Gammage
Stray Cat Theatre - Tempe
B’way Palms Dinner Theatre
Scottsdale Desert Stages Theatre
PHONE
480-321-9947
602-252-8497
480-921-9877
602-663-40323
480-945-4422
602-252-8497
602-252-8497
602-254-2151
602-254-2151
480-644-6500
623-776-8400
623-776-8400
480-965-3434
straycattheatre.org
480-325-6700
480-483-1664
Miss Gay Western States
Wigs! Make-up! High Heels! Eyelashes! Falsies! Who’ll take home
the crown and the chance to compete in the Mother of All Pageants: Miss Gay America 2010? Find out which beauty has what
it takes – besides enough Maybelline mascara to choke a horse.
The glamour and magic happens on Saturday, September 19 at
the Wyndham Phoenix Hotel, 50 E. Adams St. For more info contact
Lee Revelle at Apollo’s or e-mail him at [email protected]
SEPTEMBER 2009 ION DRAG LISTINGS
DATE
TIME
First & Third Tues. 10:00p
Second & Fourth Tues. 10:00p
Tuesdays
10:30p
3rd Wednesday
10:30p
Wednesdays
10:00p
Wed. the 9th
9:30p
Wednesdays
10:30p
First Thursdays
10:30p
Thursdays
10:30p
Thursdays
9:00p
Thursdays
9:30p
Thursdays
10:30p
Last Thursday
10:00p
3rd Thurs.
8:00p
Sat. the 19th
7:00p
Sat. the 26th
3:30p
Saturdays
10:00p
Saturdays
10:00p
Saturdays
10:00p
Saturdays
9:30p
Saturdays
10:30p
Sundays
8:30p
Sundays
10:30p
First Sunday
8:00p
Second Sunday
8:00p
Last sunday
8:00p
Sun. the 20th
7:00p
LOCATION
SHOW / PERFORMER(S)
BS West
Hookers In Hose with Kiki Vermont
BS West
Heroine Chic with Mya & Naomi
Karamba
Susana’s Show
Pumphouse II
Amateur Drag Contest hosted by Savannah
Charlie’s
Claudia B. & Company
Apollo’s
Gong Karaoke with Afeelya Bunz
Karamba
Diamond Dallas Hosts...
Pumphouse II
Savannah’s School of Scandal
Pumphouse II
Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah
Incognito
Divas After Dark with Dianna K. Shane
Amsterdam
Icons Live w/ Mya McKenzie & Kiki Vermont
Karamba
Susana’s Show
Cherry Lounge
Scandalous w/ Scandalesque
Forbidden
Ruby ‘n’ Friends
Phoenix Wyndham Miss Gay Western States
Apollo’s
Beer Bust Bing with Dottie
The Rock
Diamond Dolls with Mya McKenzie
icepics
The Follies Comedy Drag Show
Showroom at Forbidden - Barbra Seville’s Untitled Drag Project
Charlie’s
Pussy’s Patio Show
Pumphouse II
Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah
Charlie’s
Pussy LeHoot & Friends
Karamba
Galilea’s Show
Apollo’s
That Time of the Month with Afeelya Bunz
Apollo’s
That Time of The Month with Dottie
Apolo’s
That Time of the Month with Barbra Seville
Apollo’s
Afterglow MGWSA After Party
To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to [email protected]
Included events must be 1) Charity Benefit OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser
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by Kimberly M. Ruff
[email protected]
All About Steve
Movie Previews
Starring: Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper
Truly, there is nothing sexier than a desperate
woman – right, guys? In this film, which
seems eerily similar to There’s Something
About Mary, the shoe is on the other foot.
Sandra Bullock plays Mary Horowitz, a
brilliant – but eccentric – crossword puzzle
designer who goes on a blind date with Steve
(Cooper), a CNN cameraman and falls in
love. So in love, in fact, she follows him on
location, quirky in her red disco boots and
eager for his affection. Although he finally
has to come clean about his feelings (or lack
thereof) towards her, he
and his friends slowly
accept her as one
of their own.
Isn’t that one
love is really
about, anyway?
Finding
a person
– or people
– who want to be
around you?
Release Date:
09/04/09.
played by the Spanish Banderas. Yet this
isn’t a matter of “good spouse confronts bad,
homewrecking lover”; both have
secrets to share. I wonder
if Lisa’s illiterate …
Release Date:
09/25/09.
Coco
Before
Chanel
Starring: Audrey
Tatou, Benoit
Poelvoorde
Based on the biography of Coco Chanel
L’Irrégulière, the whimsically elfish Audrey
Tatou (Amelie, The DaVinci Code) stars as
the Titan of A-Lines herself: Coco Chanel.
But before you get your vintage Chanel in a
bundle, boys, remember: this is her journey
to fashion stardom – not her experiences
therein. That doesn’t mean it can’t be fun,
though; it just means you’d better buckle up
for one hell of a ride!
Release Date: 09/25/09
The Other Man
Starring: Liam Neeson, Antonio Banderas,
Laura Linney
Based on the short story by Bernhard Schlink
(The Reader), The Other Man, is tantamount
to what Unfaithful would have been had
Richard Gere’s character had actually
become friends with his wife’s lover,
instead of braining him to death with a
snow globe. (Oh, don’t act all shocked
that I spoiled that movie’s ending; it’s been
out since 2002!) When Peter (Neeson)
learns that his wife, Lisa (Linney) has
been receiving emails and text messages
from a mystery man, he sets out to find
him. As is typical in any movie dealing with
adultery, the lover is an exotic, bedroomeyed foreigner – in this case, the Italian Ralph
September 2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM
SEPTEMBER
MOVIE OPENINGS
DATE
MOVIE
GENRE
4
Extract
Comedy
4
Gamer
Thriller
4
All About Steve (see review)
4
RATING
R
R
Comedy
PG-13
Carriers
Thriller
PG-13
4
Tickling Leo
Drama
9
9
11
Whiteout
11
I Can Do Bad All By Myself
SciFi/Anim.
Action
Comedy
Horror
NYR
PG--13
R
PG-13
11
Sorority Row
11
Beyond a Reasonable Doubt
11
Broken Hill
Drama
16
Bright Star
Romance/Drama
NYR
16
35 Shots of Rum
Drama
NYR
18
The Informant!
18
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
18
Love Happens
Romance
18
Jennifer’s Body
Horror/Comedy
R
18
The Burning Plain
Romance
R
18
Paris
Drama
R
18
Disgrace
Drama
R
18
Live Evil
Horror
NYR
18
Blind Date
Drama
25
Surrogates
Action/Thriller/SciFi
25
Fame
25
Invention of Lying
25
Pandorum
25
Bronson
25
Coco Before Chanel
Crime/Thriller
Comedy
Animation/Comedy
Drama/Musical
Comedy
R
R
PG
R
NYR
PG-13
NYR
PG-13
PG
PG-13
Horror/SciFi/Action
R
Action
R
Bio
25
Brief Interviews w/ Hideous Men
25
The Other Man (see review) Drama
25
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
Comedy
R
25
The Bluetooth Virgin
Comedy
R
25
The Pool Boys
Comedy
29
The Preachers Kid
29
Splice
50
Drama
PG-13
NYR
R
Drama
SciFi-Thriller
NYR
PG-13
NYR
icepics - PHOENIX
Photos by Richard Bolinski
52
THE FOLLIES
by Wes Bergman
[email protected]
DVD Movie Review
After two years of reviewing films for my
beloved ION, I’ve finally decided to introduce
some sort of rating system. True, in the early
days I did have a “star” rating, but those
are so passé that it quickly went by the
wayside. Even still, I’ve never been entirely
comfortable forgoing some sort of rating
system – it’s a quick hit for the Gay-on-theGo who doesn’t have time to trudge through
two paragraphs of snarky-goodness. So, in
an effort to reinstitute one while still keeping it
chic enough for my fan base, I’m trying again,
but from a whole new angle. Let’s see if this
works, shall we?
Greek: Chapter 3
Starring: Actors that have a knack for
making you feel as uncomfortable and out
of place as you did when you went stag
to your senior prom at Harding Memorial
High School in Bowlegs, OK (pop: 371),
because your best friend, Marcie, got the
chicken pox (late case) and you were the
only gay.
Greek is an hour-long dramedy (I prefer,
“coma”) that centers on the single-sex, social
fraternities and sororities found on campus
at the fictional Cyprus-Rhodes University.
Playing on the popular stereotypes that
have made American cinema fabulous since
Animal House, there is no absence of bubbleheaded beauties, socially-awkward nerds,
sexy anarcho-hipsters, and high polished
future politicians in the cast. There’s a lot of
conspiring (in the juvenile, junior high school
way) buffered by flip quips and nonchalant
lightpole-leanings (think James Dean under
a street lamp), but it all comes down to who’s
boning whom and who’s going to win the
highly coveted, but completely irrelevantin-the-big-picture-sort-of-way trophy for
super Sor-ternity. I will be frank: I could not
get through the first episode of Chapter 3
without wanting to gouge my eyes out. This is
remarkable, because I usually relish watching
crap for the tasty morsels of camp that feed
my blackened soul. Not so with this show.
Pity. I wanted to love it.
D & A* Rating: I’m a woman now!
54
Eating Out: All You Can Eat
Starring: Rebekah Kochan, Daniel Skelton,
Chris Salvatore, Michael E. R. Walker,
Leslie Jordan
I’ve always been of the opinion that all major
decisions – romantic, financial, political
– are negotiated through a series of blow
jobs. Apparently, so do the writers of Eating
Out: All You Can Eat, who conclude their
comedy not in the classic Shakespearian
way by ending with a wedding, but in the
contemporary gay way by ending with a
some same-sexy time. Daddy like! In the
latest installation of the Eating Out series,
Casey (Skelton) comes to town for his
cousin’s funeral and meets Tiffani (Kochan),
the foul-mouthed whore-with-a-heart-ofgold, who helps get him acclimated to his
new digs by volunteering him for a GLBT
fundraiser, and helping him cyber-stalk its
hunky volunteer coordinator (Salvatore). It’s
all peaches-and-cream until a little Twelfth
Night mix-up makes one of the star-crossed
lovers cross, and Tiffani sets about putting
Operation: One BJ, Two Mouths into full
effect. As you can guess, it works. I love a
happy ending, both in a narrative and as a
euphemism.
D & A Rating: Nothing a Trapper Keeper
Binder Couldn’t Hide.
*Decency precludes me from saying what
D & A stand for, but you
may remember a
time when we
talked about
sexploitation
films in the
70s having
a lot of “T
& A”...put
2 and 2
together
and you
get a
fabulously
filthy rating
system!
September 2009
WWW.IONAZ.COM 55
with
uin!
q
e
n
n
a
M
e
h
t
i
Heid
October 1st through 3rd
at the Valley Ho
PHOENIXFASHIONWEEK.COM
56
WWW.IONAZ.COM
September 2009
On Heidi- VMarie by Rickie Gonzales
Art work by Rocco P. Menaguale
58
On Heidi- Paul Lee Hazlett Exclusives
On HeidiFeatured Designer, Bri Bridge
60
On Heidi- VMarie by September
Rickie Gonzales
2009 WWW.IONAZ.COM
61
On the guys: Featured Brand - Stitch Connect
Photographer
Wardrobe Styling
Michael Scott
Photography
Philip B. Gomez
Production Assistance
Airi Katsuta
StyledbyPhil
Assisted by
Beau Becerra
Hair & Makeup
Models
Celestial Makeup Isaac Jimenez
Artistry
Alexander Dimov
Tony Brown
Gavin Tucker
by Deon Brown
Left-ofCenter
Stage
C
urtains up!
Light the lights! The
Valley’s Theatre
Season is gearing
up with over thirty
very different theatre
companies with a wide
variety of styles. Sure, you can
see The Great Big Broadway Show
Touring Company, or maybe some company
somewhere is doing Brigadoon. Again. But
broaden your horizons. Explore something
that maybe you haven’t thought about. Or
maybe you have. Or maybe you’re curious.
That’s okay.
ION presents a quick profile on three of the
Valley’s most popular alternative theatre
companies and their Artistic Directors: Nearly
Naked Theatre with Damon Dering, iTheatre
Collaborative with Christopher Haines and
Stray Cat Theatre with Ron May.
64
Theatre in
Phoenix is
going places.
Stray Cat
Theatre’s Ron May
examined the current
State of the Theatre
Arts and said, “I still think
there’s a preponderance of theatres
chugging out McSeason after McSeason
after McSeason – which bores the hell
out of me. But people are obviously
going, and if people are filling your seats
and getting their asses off the couch and
going to the theatre – then it can’t be
all bad. We always say you may think
you’ve seen everything there is to see in
a theatre. But wait till you see what we
drag in.”
We can’t wait!
September
ber 200
2009
9 WWW.IONAZ.COM 65
Left-ofNearly Naked’s
Center
Stage
Damon Dering
D
amon Dering
discussed what he looks
for when he selects plays.
“Picking a season is the hardest
thing I do. I read probably 150 or
more plays a year. But the main
criteria is: Is it challenging to the audience and
the artists performing
it? Will it teach us
something? Will
it inspire emotion? Who else in
town would do it?
These questions
help me decide if
a play is right for
Nearly Naked.”
Dering continued
about this season’s
shows and said, “This is
probably our strongest season
ever! We won rights-battles for every
play we wanted, so none of these shows
are “second choices.” In November we
have the Arizona Premiere of The Little
Dog Laughed, this fantastic gay-themed
play that just won the Tony for Best Play
two years ago in New York. We’ve never
been able to get something so soon
since it was on Broadway! We’re doing
our drag-infused Christmas play again
this year; Times Square
Angel. It played to sold out crowds last
year. We’re doing the Arizona premiere
of Fuddy Meers in January. Very funny
and dark. In March the world premiere
of Phaedre, a play I adapted from the
classic French play by Jean
Baptiste Racine. Sexy
and creepy! And then
we close the season
next June with the
Arizona premiere
of Evil Dead: The
Musical. Zombies
crawling around
eating brains ...
and occasionally
bursting into song!
Gonna be an incredible season.”
And finally, the burning
question that only Damon Dering
could answer: Carol Channing or Ethel
Merman? The answer? “Ethel Channing. Their long lost lovechild. She’s fantastic. So
much vibrato that you
think you’re having
a seizure. And isn’t
Channing Merman
that hot kid from G.I.
Joe?”
NEARLY NAKED THEATRE COMPANY
RUN
thru Sept. 12
Nov. 13-Dec. 5
Dec.11-Dec.20
Jan. 22-Feb.13
March 5-27
June 11-July 13
66
TITLE
RENT
The Little Dog Laughed
Times Square Angel
Fuddy Meers
Phaedre
Evil Dead: The Musical
The Little Theater at
Phoenix Theater
100 E. McDowell Rd.
602-274-2432
NearlyNakedTheatre.org
Left-of-Stray Cat’s
Center
Stage
Ron May
“O
ur stuff is
a little more ... subversive. For people who
have a different artistic itch to
scratch,” is how Ron May describes Stray Cat Theatre’s productions. “People forever have been
saying that theatre is dying. Part of why
we started Stray Cat was we felt we had
a critical mass of people ready to
collectively call ‘bullshit’
and prove it wasn’t, at
all. And prove that
theatre could be
just as exciting,
just as unpredictable, just
as fun, just
as sexy, just
as dirty, just
as scary as
anything
you’re
gonna see
on TV.”
May’s wish
list? “I’ve also
always in a weird
way wanted to do an
all-Black Steel Magnolias so
the feel is more Barbershop and less
‘Sally Field crying all the time’ – but that
would also require
massive rewrites.
And probably some
drag queens. And I
don’t fancy the idea of getting sued.”
May highlighted part of Stray Cat’s
season. “Speech and Debate is a kind
of like a pre-’Glee’ Glee with a dirty,
dirty sex scandal and a
George Michael dance
number; Play About
the Naked Guy
has jokes about
safe words and
a naked porn
star – and yes
... it’s a dude.
12th Night
of the Living
Dead has lots
of zombies
along with our
very first splatter zone: the first
two rows of the
theatre will be for
those brave enough to
risk getting splashed with
blood and gore. I mean, c’mon.
Where else you gonna get all that?”
STRAY CAT THEATRE COMPANY
RUN
Sept. 25-Oct. 10
Dec. 4-19
Feb. 12-27
April 16-May 12
TITLE
Blackbird
Speech and Debate
The Play About The Naked Guy
12th Night of the Living Dead
Tempe Performing
Arts Center
132 E. 6th St. - Tempe
480-820-8022
StrayCatTheatre.org
iTheatre’s
Chris Haines
C
hristopher
Haines founded iTheatre
Collaborative with his wife,
Rosemary, in 2002. Haines
described their Theatre’s future.
“I am a black box theater-type
person; in other words small
and intimate type theater.
Probably if anything
we’ll just be producing more. I would
like to produce
more original
work by local
writers. Spending the time
and resources
to really
develop new
plays. There is
no reason that
the next Tony
Kushner or Lynn
Nottage isn’t from
Arizona.”
Selection of each play is important, too. “I read plays and produce
plays that are always very meaty for
actors. The kind of roles actors love to
sink their teeth in. The kind of roles I
love to do. I look for what I call ‘onion’ plays. Those are plays where you
can peel away a layer
and find another layer
underneath and then
another below that. The more layers the
better. Those are the plays that audiences will see and are still talking about
it the next day, the next week. There’s
nothing wrong with a Neil Simon play
or an old warhorse musical, but those
aren’t the plays people are talking
about, having to really
think, finding that their
opinions have been
changed by seeing an iTheatre
Collaborative
play.”
What’s the
“dream
play” for
iTheatre
Collaborative? “Jerry
Springer:
The Opera.
It’s incredible. So over
the top. First act
ends with a huge KKK
musical number – clansmen in sheets and everything
– Jerry gets shot and killed at the end.
It is loads of fun. It’s been performed
all over the world and usually draws
huge crowds and is always protested by
religious groups.”
iTHEATER COLLABORATIVE
602-993-4567 phx
520-791-2345 tuc
Get a Date Tonight!
See ad on page 88 (Free code: 4448)
70
RUN
Sept. 11-26
Dec. 10-21
March 12-27
April 30-May 15
TITLE
A Bad Friend
Holiday Cabaret
Indivisible
The Play About The Baby
The Herberger
Theater Center
222 E. Monroe - Phoenix
602-252-8497
iTheatreAZ.org
Photography by Gregory Frye
74
78
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80
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82
Glenn
Douglas
Packard
We’re excited to welcome this year’s host of Splash
Bash 9 – Glenn Douglas Packard, co-starring in
VH1’s celebreality hit show, Brooke Knows Best as
Brooke Hogan’s gbff. Glenn is an Emmy nominated
choreographer, model and actor. Joining out &
proud Glenn at Splash Bash by his super-sexy,
ultra-hot boyfriend, ex-Papi dancer Daniel
Miagany. Glenn and Daniel are eager to make
friends with everybody at Splash Bash, so
let’s make them both feel extra welcome!
DJ Sister Sin
Some DJ’s know their destiny from birth, while some
figure it out later in life. Like when they finally get their
hands on a board and turntables to discover the sound
that is born in the mix! SisterSIn began spinning in
1996 in St. Louis, and in October of 2002 SisterSin
moved to Scottsdale, Arizona. Since she hit the Phoenix Scene, she had climbed to the top in the local club
circuit. Currently spinning at Forbidden Night Club, DJ
SisterSin knows how to get the party started, and keep
them dancing!
Jessika Murphy
Look out, everybody! You better make some room for Jessika Murphy’s big, big voice! Jessika is a Phoenix-based
singer and songwriter who has spent the last 15 years
singing and entertaining across the southern United
States. Jessika is excited to shake the foundations of
the Radisson City Centre when she belts out a few
songs you’ll never forget! You can find out
more about Jessika at
JessikaMurphy.com
84
Photo by Dennis Dean
Vol. 3, Issue 6
SEPTEMBER 2009
��
OUTRAGEOUS!
Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.
��
John Hughes Sequels
Scheduled Posthumously
��
HOLLYWOOD
– Following
the death of the
movie king of
teenage coming
of age angst films,
Tinseltown agents
are scrambling to
rekindle the magic
he created with
sequels to some of
his greatest films.
Nelson, meeting
over a Luanne
Platter at Luby’s
Cafeteria while
their children spend
their inheritance
prematurely in a
suburban Chicago
mall.
Ringwald also plans
to star in Pretty
Ugly in Pink Mom
Pants as followup to blockbuster
Pretty in Pink.
“I can’t wait,”
said everybody’s
teen queen
Molly Ringwald,
Other Hughes
whose gamininspired movies in
like qualities
the pipeline include,
catapulted her to
Rest Home Alone, in which Macaulay
stardom beginning with Sixteen Candles.
Culkin stars as Grandpa Kevin McCallister
��
“My
agent just called and said they got
wreaking havoc in in unsuspecting
the green light to shoot Forty-one Candles
retirement center after his children commit
where I’ll be recreating my role as aging,
him to its care. Hilarity ensues.
post-menopausal, divorcée Samantha
Baker-Ryan.” Ringwald will also reprise
The studio is currently looking to cast
her character from The Breakfast Club in
another morbidly obese actor as Greatthe sequel, The Early Bird Special Club
Great Uncle Buck in the role funny fatty
where she is reunited with fellow bratJohn Candy made famous.
packers including Anthony Michael Hall,
Ally Sheedy, Emilio Estevez and Judd
��
��
��
88
��
Antiques Roadshow
Finds Phoenix Crap
��
��
��
TEMPE – The
professionals and
smash PBS
we’re arguing
hit Antiques
with housewives
Roadshow has
from Buckeye
criss-crossed
about how much
��
America,
their George
discovering
Foreman Grill is
long forgotten
worth. Then she
treasures
asked if she could
in attics
have a threeeverywhere.
way with us.
Civil War
Unbelievable.”
sabers, Tiffany
lamps, Morris
Thousands
chairs, Navajo
of Arizonans
rugs, baseballs
brought their
and more have
personal prizes
been appraised
for assessment:
by Roadshow
Beanie Babies,
experts for
old oven mitts,
over 12 years.
broken golf
clubs, Barbie dolls with missing heads,
Last month fans of the show descended
Bic cigarette lighters, scorpions imbedded
on the Phoenix Convention Center with
in acrylic, broken snow globes and plastic
��
their treasured heirlooms for appraisal
Kachina dolls stamped “Made in China”
and dollar signs in their eyes as they toted
on the base.
great-great Granny’s Bible under their
arm. Lots and lots of Bibles.
Host Mark Walberg fumed, “If one more
fat chick eating a hot dog carrying an old
“We’ve never seen so much junk in our
Cabbage Patch Doll asks me ‘Where’s the
lives,” said wonder twins Leigh and
Funky Bunch?’ she’s gonna get popped.”
Leslie Keno, the show’s poster boys and
celebrity appraisers. “It’s like a parking
The show airs in January, 2010.
lot swap-o-rama at the dog track. We’re
��
��
90
��
BAR1 - PHOENIX
PATIO GRAND OPENING
Photos by Deon Brown and Kevin Bushaw
92
September
ber 200
2009
9 WWW.IONAZ.COM 93
94
IONPHOENIX
96
1.
1.
Amsterdam
Amsterdam
718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix
(602) 258-6122
2.
2.
Apollo’s
Apollo’s
5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix
(602) 277-9373
3.
3.
Bar
Bar1 1
3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix
(602) 266-9001
4.
4.
BSBSWest
West
7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale
(480) 945-9028
5.
5.
Bunkhouse
Bunkhouse
4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix
(602) 200-9154
6.
6.
Cash
CashInn
Inn
2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 244-9943
7.
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Charlie’s
Charlie’s
727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 265-0224
8.
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Cherry
CherryBar
Bar
E. Indian
IndianSchool
SchoolRd.
Rd.--Phoenix
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1028 E.
(602) 277-7729
9.
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Cherry
CherryLounge
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starting
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Mill Ave. in Tempe
Every Thursday at
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Mill Ave.
in -Tempe
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The
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1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 234-1654
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Clarendon
Club Vibe Hotel
401 W.
Ave.Rd.
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3031
E. Clarendon
Indian School
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(602) CLARENDON
224-9977
11.
12.
Club
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3031 N.
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3702
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224-9977
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Cruisin’
Dick’s 7th
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3702 E.
N. Illini
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3432 E. McDowell
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1126 S
N.Black
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1517
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(480)
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Camelback Rd.
138 W. Camelback
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icepics
icepicsvideobar
videobar
(602) 267-8707
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Incognito
2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 955-9805
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Karamba
(602) 254-0231
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3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix
(602) 264-5307
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OZ
1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 242-5114
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Plazma
Plazma
1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix
Phoenix
(602) 266-0477
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(602)
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24.
Pumphouse
PumphouseII II
(602) 275-3509
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Retro
Bar Phoenix City Center 3600
3114 N.
E. 2nd
Cactus
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Radisson
Ave.
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(602) 604-4900
493-0355
(602)
25.
25.
The
Rock Cactus
Rainbow
4129 N.N.7th
Ave.
- Phoenix
15615
Cave
Creek
Rd. - Phoenix
248-8559
(602) 867-2463
26.
26.
Roscoe’s
The Rock
4531 N. 7th Ave.
St. - Phoenix
4129
- Phoenix
285-0833
(602) 248-8559
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27.
Rainbow
Cactus
Roscoe’s
15615N.N.7th
Cave
Rd. - Phoenix
4531
St.Creek
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(602) 285-0833
867-2463
(602)
28.
28.
Velocity
Velocity
2303 E. Indian
Indian School
School Rd.
Rd. --Phoenix
Phoenix
(602) 956-2885
956-2885
(602)
29.
29.
Wild
WildCard
Card
801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler
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(480) 857-3088
30.
30.
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Club
4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix
(602) 265-3233
��
IONBAR GUIDE
PHOENIX
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IF IT’S NOT IN��, IT’S NOT HAPPENING!
1
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IONTUCSON
CASA GRANDE
GAY DAY
CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
Ain’t Nobody’s Biz
Colors
Howl at the Moon
IBT’s
Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant
Venture-N
Woody’s
Yard Dog
2900 E. Broadway
5305 E. Speedway
915 W. Prince Rd.
616 N. 4th Ave.
5900 N. Oracle Rd.
1239 N. 6th Ave.
3710 N. Oracle Rd.
2449 N. Stone
(520) 318-4838
(520) 323-1840
(520) 293-7339
(520) 882-3053
(520) 887-3777
(520) 882-8224
(520) 292-6702
(520) 624-3858
445 S. Alvernon Way
5335 E. Broadway Blvd.
5900 N. Oracle Rd.
204 S. Scott Ave.
3800 E. Sunrise Dr.
(520) 881-4200
(520) 745-2700
(520) 887-4800
(877) 670-9022
(520) 742-6000
ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING
1
2
3
4
5
Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park
Embassy Suites
La Posada Lodge and Casitas
Royal Elizabeth B&B
The Westin La Paloma
Photos submitted by Brian Collins
102
by Addison DeWitt
After many
a summer dies the swan.
That’s your highbrow literary reference
for this column. Look it up in your
Wikipedia, kiddies. And a dying swan is
not the same as choking the chicken. At
any rate, the old bird didn’t die without
a couple of knock-down, drag-out fun
in the sun Pool Parties featuring the
Who’s Who with the charter members
of Phoenix Fluff ‘n’ Tuck Society
AAA Listers frolicking
around. And when was
the last time you saw
hot, fully grown men
really frolic?
Jim Fay and Mike
Gorman threw a
wet ‘n’ wild pool
party where the
vodka flowed like,
well, vodka. And the
good stuff, too. Not the
rotgut Kamchatka crap I’m
forced to drink at the WonderVu Trailer Court. Eagle eyed snitches
noted that sooper-dooper handsome
Grant Almquist appeared – and then
mysteriously disappeared – somewhere
in the house until later that night. Care to
share anything with our readers, honey?
I did the butterfly right by Mr. West
Coast Latex, Pim van der Glesson
(what on earth was that contest like?)
to be near faves Nick Capaz and Dean
McAdams.
Oh-so-lickable, kissable and not-tobe-missed Ticoz waiter Jonathan
bartended in a skimpy black swimsuit
while his dashing and debonair
bosses Tom Jetland and Mark Dillon
104
socialized with The Honorable Tom
Simplot and Vice First Guy David
Smith. Favorites Chad Christian and
Joe Bushong dipped their tootsies in
the pool along with Murray Sullivan
and Michael de Roche. I hid behind the
oleanders with Frank Baselicé while
we quizzed each other with, “How Many
People Here At This Party Have You
Slept With?” Scores are still being tallied
at PricewaterhouseCoopers.
The next day Jim McCleary
and Andrew MacArthur
threw a pool party of
their very own where
the exact same guys
from the party the
day before showed
up and talked about
what the exact same
guys did at the party
the day before. Small
world, ain’t it?
Our legendary Blonde One,
Barbra Seville (pictured), opened
her show at Forbidden’s brand new
showroom with her very own – as I like
to call it – “Barbra Shoppe Quartet”
including Devina Ross, Angela Dodd,
and the winsome Nevaeh on opening
night. Buddy Early, no Johnny-ComeLately, was there along with the rest
of Babs’ adoring public, including
Promotions Manager Chris Smith with
Tom and Roberta Anderson.
PornoPalooza at BS West was a
stiffie-inducing event with go-go boys,
strippers, porn stars and booze, natch. I
enjoyed an audience with the legendary
(and newly svelte) Chi Chi LaRue who
has managed to make pornography,
which was once regarded as something
dirty, sleazy
and nasty into
something
that’s – well
– still dirty,
sleazy and
nasty. Just
the way we
like it. But I
was shocked to
discover that la
LaRue isn’t even
French! And she isn’t
even really a woman!
Quelle surprise!
Kobalt’s adorable little
cocktail wienerschnitzel
Drew Akers (pictured
above with Luke
Marcum) celebrated
his birthday at the
event surrounded by
blue movie stars’ Ryan
Raz’ gluteus maximus and
the pectoralis major
of local boy made
good-enough-to&$#%, Luke Marcum – The Porn Star
Formerly Known as Josh Gollehon.
I guess you could say that XXX
“Markums” the spot for him these days.
I wished Corbin Fisher’s College Boy
Heath was on the brass pole, too.
I spotted Blue Balls in the Green Room!
I spotted star Tommy Defendi making
out with a girl! Chock it all up to Gay for
Pay. Heck, I’d pay him.
106
Everyone left with a big smile on their
face, a rocket in their pocket and a
big bag full of motion pictures for the
discriminating and consenting adult
viewer. I searched for a vintage copy
of the epic 1998 blue movie opus
Catalinaville starring one my my
favorites in the Pantheon of Porn,
Vinnie Balini, to no avail. Luckily I have
it on VHS for posterity. If you’d care to
rent it, let me know.
I can’t believe it’s taken this long to
name our Party of the Penguin of the
Month as none other than The Green
Woodpecker’s Head Pecker, Josh
Woodpecker
Tomblin! Josh – and only Josh – can
claim the victory and honor of
making a stripper vomit. Seems
that at BS West there was
this lady (let’s call her a
“woman”) stripper prancing
around, lifting her dress up
and showing off her thong.
Josh politely told her “that no
one here cares.” She got mad,
her hand flew over the bushy
Bermuda Triangle and put her
fingers under his nose. Josh
went mining down in the Man
Canyon and put his fingers under her
nose. She puked. Josh won.
Maybe that’s why the swan died, too.
Love me or leave me. Like me or
lose me. Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me.
Tell all to Addison. Write to him at
[email protected]
107
make sure you don’t kiss ‘n’ tell the next day.
Pisces hate that.
Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
Your lack of inhibitions make you the life
of the party! This month put a lampshade
on your head and drink champagne out of
somebody’s slipper! Jump in a fountain with
all your clothes on! There’s a shy Capricorn
out there who’s dying to join in on the fun with
you.
Libra Sept. 23 - Oct. 22
Your scales are a little out of whack this
month. So put down the Entenmann’s. And
the Little Debbie’s. And all the Dolley Madison
snack cakes, too. I’m serious. Start watching
your waistline and a Capricorn will start
watching you. Then eat all the Ho-Ho’s you
want.
Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20
Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov. 23
Gemini May 21 - June 21
Sagittarius Nov. 23-Dec. 23
Hey, Toro! Make sure you keep any “bullshit”
to a minimum this month. You’ll find a whole
new arena of opportunity wide open for you
at the workplace and in your personal life.
There’s a serious Sagittarius who wants to
play matador for you later this month. Olé!
You know the words to every song, the
punchline to every joke, and the ending to
every movie. But you still manage to make
your audience the star. That’s just one reason
people love you. So keep it up. Take note of a
Capricorn front row and center and don’t leak
any spoilers.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
Looks like your get up and go got up and went
... to the mall. Better watch your spending.
And, no, it’s not helping the economy. Do
yourself a favor and use that cash wooing a
Taurus who’s playing hard-to-get. It’ll pay off.
Better than that ugly Ed Hardy t-shirt you just
had to have.
Leo July 23 - Aug. 22
“I like chicken, I like liver, I like tuna please
deliver.” Share your Meow Mix with a fellow
Leo who thinks you’re the cat’s pajamas.
You’ll find you two have more in common than
you think. Have a little catnip, play with a ball
of yarn and you’ll both chase the laser mouse
together for hours.
Virgo Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
Pack a picnic, enjoy a nice, long Sunday drive
with a Pisces and enjoy a sunset together.
Then go home with them, and you can pretty
much figure out what happens next. Just
108
WWW.IONAZ.COM
September 2009
You have the ability to make at least six
people lose their self-control this month. Your
lure, vivacity and sex appeal are so strong
that you’ll find people migrating toward you.
Kind of like the new, magnetic north. A lot of
them will be Virgos, Aquarians and a Leo or
two.
Who’s the hunter and who’s the prey? So get
out your bow arrow, move in for the kill and
you’re bound to bag a fourteen-pointer you
can mount and stuff. Just make sure you’ve
got enough freezer space for all that meat.
Capricorn Dec. 23- Jan. 20
You’re perky, peppy, and pugnacious! You
have a certain something that the universe
likes. Keep your ear to the ground and your
eye to the keyhole and expect something
marvelous to happen to you around the 22nd.
At the very least you’ll learn something about
a Cancer and Scorpio.
Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19
You threw one temper tantrum too many
last month. This month let a smile be your
umbrella. Keep your sunny side up! It’s
corny, but it’s true. That’s why they write
goofy songs with lyrics like that. Sing for a
Gemini and I guarantee you’ll make a musical
together.
Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20
Your optimism is your best virtue. You may
keep shoveling out the same stable of
manure hoping you’ll find a pony in there
somewhere, but don’t forget to be realistic.
You may inspire a Virgo to help you. So keep
digging!
©2009 COORS BREWING COMPANY
��

99 September 2009

Transcription

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