ION- You Were Voted The Funniest
Transcription
ION- You Were Voted The Funniest
ION- You were voted the Funniest Teenager in Chicago in 1987. Do your remember your award winning joke? HAL- I did a whole routine. but the moment I think I clinched it was when one of the judges laughed at one joke and he had a weird deep scratchy laugh. I broke my routine and made a joke about it, saying that I thought it was my stomach growling for a half an hour. That did it. I still feel my routine was the strongest but once they thought I had the confidence to improv, even in a contest, I could tell they were going to pick me. ION- Do you remember the first joke you ever told? Exclusive Interview: HAL SPARKS PART I Part II in the August issue of ION Arizona HAL- No. I’m sure it wasn’t mine. One of the first jokes I ever wrote was in boy scouts. “I like camping” I said, “It’s Intense” which of course sounds like “in tents!”..ah.. good times ION- What strikes you as “funny”? HAL- I like well written comedy. I’m a huge Carlin fan and I like how he would truly craft a bit. I also like people who aren’t afraid to act goofy and risk looking stupid. I really love Martin Short and Gene Wilder for that reason. The commitment is such a joy to watch. It’s fearless. ION- After several near-death experiences you remarked, A coma is a great time for self-reflection. What did you discover? HAL- That no one knows how long they will live so you’d better get at it. I really appreciate all aspects of life now, the hard times and the fun times are of equal value and I now feel like I can five in and experience both fully. ION- You were a Boy Scout and have a Preparedness Merit Badge. Could you survive a 3 EF scale tornado in Iowa now? HAL- It was an Emergency Preparedness Merit badge so..yeah. The Boy Scouts was a great experience for me and I learned so much about being self-reliant while not being anti-social. I can unequivocally say I can kick a category 3 Tornado right in the dangly bits. Yessiree! ION- Who do you think are the funniest comedians of all time? Did any of them influence your comedy? HAL- Carlin and Steve Martin were and are my two biggest influences but I listened to a lot of old comedy records growing up. I listened to Woody Allen, Shelly Berman, Godfrey Cambridge, Johnathan WInters and Richard Pryor religiously. I am especially a fan of old Richard Pryor records like Black Ben The Black Smith, the Wizard of Comedy and Craps (After Hours). After Eddie Murphy came on the scene is seems that many people forgot or lost sight of Pryor’s amazing storytelling ability. ION- Do you Love Lucy? HAL- Love is a big word. We’re friends with benefits. ION- If American Idol David Archuleta and Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana) got in a fight, who would get their ass kicked? PART I HAL SPARKS Exclusive Interview: HAL- The fans. which state you’re in. One state’s vice is another state’s cash cow. ION- You have several black belts in the martial arts & study kung fu. Have you kicked anybodys ass recently? Whos ass would you like to kick? ION- You were Gentle Horse on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Tell us about that? HAL- It’s funny but the more time you spend studying martial arts the less time you spend looking for a fight. I don’t have the desire to fight as much as I used to. Although I do have a list of people I will punch on first sight. However the only way you’d find out is if you were on it. ION- You speak Mandarin Chinese. Do you ever tell jokes in Chinese? HAL- Chang chang. Wo de zhongwen hai xuyao lien xi hen duo keshi wo keyi shuo yidian dian de xiao hua. ION- You dont drink alcoholic beverages. Do you have any vices? What are they & do they make you feel guilty? Hal Sparks will be performing at The Comedy Spot only two nights: Friday and Saturday July 25th and 26th. for tickets and information call (480)945-4422 HAL- The story was about settlers and their “Indian Agents” starving Natives and then giving them liquor filled with which is... almost none. However, I think people have the right to believe anything they want. The things I’ve read about Scientology, and some of it quite off-putting... still pales in comparison to some of the crazy, violent nonsense the other big religions have done. They have a long way to go before they can compare body counts. HAL- I actually don’t believe in guilty pleasures. If something gives me pleasure why should I feel guilty about it? If I choose not to do something it has nothing to do with other people’s opinions, it is entirely based on wether I think it is worth doing, it’s upside significantly outweighs it’s downside and it doesn’t harm another person. If htose are your criterion, guilt shouldn’t play a part in it. As for Vices... that depends on sugar so they would riot and they would then have an excuse to shoot them all, was a great story that was based on things that really happened at that time. It was a little sad playing my one native role and having him be drunk but at least the message warranted it. And I got resuscitated by Jane Seymour so...that was nice.. ION- You played bubble-wrap clad cult leader Zoltan, the in Dude, Wheres My Car?If you were really a cult leader, what kind of a cult would it be? HAL- You assume I’m not. My cult is a secret one..er...I mean would be...yeah.. would be... ION- Out of curiosity, what do you think of Scientology? HAL- I have as much respect for Scientology as I have for most religions ION- Regular on VH1s I Love The 70s, 80s, 90s, Holidays & New Millennium series. Which decade & holiday do you really love the most? HAL- The 80’s will always have a special place in my heart because of the music and of course because I went through puberty then, got rid of what meager virginity I had and became a comedian. Halloween used to be my favorite but now I get to dress up and play characters for a living. So now I dig Chinese New Year. It’s a great time. ION- You came in second place on VH1s Celebracadabra. Do you still practice any magic tricks? Which trick is your favorite? For the rest of the interview, pick-up a copy of the August issue of ION Arizona 8 9 10 The Return of Just Jack Ten years ago I packed my bags, loaded up a U-Haul and said good-bye to my birthplace in the Midwest to start a new life in Arizona. It was the best decision I ever made. And three years later I made my next best decision of my life: starting IONAZ. letter I used to write every month called “Just Jack.” While it was titled after me, it was about you. I never wanted to be the “voice” of the gay community. It was my voice and mine alone. I never realized the power of the printed word until then. And boy, did it get me in trouble! In 2001 there were only two mainstream GLBT publications in Phoenix: Echo and HeatStroke, both focusing on news and politics, both large size formats. When my advertising agency lost its major account to the recession of 2001 I had to evolve my company that I started in 1995. After months of research, my boyfriend at the time and I decided to create a totally new publication for the next generation of young gay people. I want to take this time to thank some of my original staff, who put up with my temper and moodiness, like Colin Milam, Chris Smith, Michael Keele and later, Corey Blanchette and Michael Zydick. There were many others after them that helped grow this publication and our current staff is second to none. I would also like to thank Matt Woods, who was our first cover model and set the bar very high for future models. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. While the reception was very positive, we only sold $5000 in advertising and our printing bill was $10,000. I wasn’t very good at math (or English for that matter) so I kept producing issue after issue losing more and more money. But I knew we were on to something. Sales continued to grow (as well as overhead) but we had a strong foundation to grow from. And grow we did. But we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for our advertisers. Our advertisers who pay so you can pick up ION for free. You see, ION isn’t “free.” Each copy you are holding, - are you ready for this? - costs $2 each. That is why we ask that if you if you like ION, or any publication, to support their advertisers. We say “they pay so you don’t have to.” It never hurts to tell them you saw them in ION and even to say “thank you.” We started with 48 pages black and white. Today, we have 100 pages - all color. We had 116 pages in April for Pride. We started in a home office, now we are in a 2,300 sq. ft. office in the heart of the GLBTQ community, and have donated over $100,000 in advertising to benefit local charities, events, and non-profit groups. I created the first issue by myself, now we have over twenty contributors. The only voice that matters is yours at the polls or when you put your neck out to change the world. Because one by one, we can. You can. For this month only, I have resurrected a 12 I hope you enjoy this look back into the last seven years. It was very nostalgic and emotional for us to create it. It is nice to look back and appreciate how far we have come and our community. Jack Tesorero Publisher 13 13 ION ARIZONA CENTER 3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 .................. [email protected] EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR Deon Brown ................................. [email protected] PRODUCTION & OFFICE MANAGER [email protected] ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero, Ext 6 ................. [email protected] PHOTOGRAPHERS: Carl James Richard Bolinski Don Thompson Mike Chesworth NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS: Dave Jackson Kevin Bushaw Ted Kirby Wes Bergman David Alan Maxey Addison DeWitt Kim Ruff Helena Grayson Paul Sanchez Gary Guerin TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS, CALL (602) 308-4662. Published monthly by © 2008 Tesorero Omni Media a JMT Designs, Inc. company PUBLISHER Jack M. Tesorero .............................. [email protected] ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PRINTED IN THE USA All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content. 14 ION PUMPHOUSE II 16 17 San Diego Pride Boycott’s 3rd Anniversary at Club Vibe Hey all you sexy grrrls! Boycott celebrates their third anniversary and Club Vibe turns two years old. They’ve been partying together for one year now! Join them for their White Party on July 12. They’ve got VIP service available and drink specials all night long. It’s all at Club Vibe at 3031 E. Indian School Rd. Visit www.boycottclub.com for more info. Get out of the scorching summer heat and head over to Arizona’s official beach: San Diego for their Pride July 19-20. D-lister Kathy Griffin will be headline entertainment and you know how hot those California boys are! It all happens at Balboa Park. Music to Wear Tour Coming to Splash Bash Phoenix was just added to the Andrew Christian “Music to Wear” Tour featuring DJ Kimberly S at the Coors Light Splash Bash Labor Day Weekend. In additioin to the huge Saturday pool party, there is a Sunday Tea Dance and, just added, a Labor Day party for the ladies. The event is held at the Clarendon Hotel in Phoenix. Reserve your room before July 31st and get ANY room for $79 a night. Call (602) CLARENDON. Made in the Shade Beer Tasting Festival Ben Franklin said, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” You’ll be real happy at the Made in the Shade Beer Tasting Festival in cool Flagstaff. Over 50 breweries from all over the Southwest will be there. It all happens July 12 at the Coconino County Fairgrounds in Fort Tuthill County Park. Take exit 337 off of 1-17 to get there. And don’t drive home drunk. Cheers! ION Magazine & Switch Anniversary Parties Two anniversaries, one great big party! ION Magazine turns seven years old, and those whippersnappers at Switch are one year old! And everybody’s invited to join the celebration! Switch will be serving free food, free Italian sodas, $1 signature cocktails, giveaways and much more! It all happens Saturday, July 19 from 3 p.m.-6 p.m. at Switch. 2603 N. Central Ave. American Idol Auditions Calling all songbirds! If you can sing or if you’re just some kind of weird freak that wants Simon Cowell to insult you on national TV, here’s your big chance! The mother of all singing competitions comes to Phoenix to find who’s got the talent to be called an American Idol. It all happens at the Jobing.com Arena on July 25. Dancers from Dick’s Cabaret encouraged to audition. Shootout on Whiskey Row See how the West was won and ended up with a few bullet holes in the process. The Prescott Regulars and Their Shady Ladies are staging some rootin’-tootin’ gunfights and historic skits on Whiskey Row on July 26 & 27 in beautiful Prescott. See you there, varmints! 18 ION SPECIAL EVENTS CALENDAR DATE EVENT LOCATION Th, Sat Flashlight Tours Desert Botanical Garden Phoenix 6 Bellydance Lessons Bookman’s Phoenix 11, 18, 25 Starry Safari Phoenix Zoo Phoenix 11 New Works Festival Phoenix Theatre Phoenix 12 Monsoon Madness Founders Park Queen Creek 12 Beer Festival Coconino Cty. Fairgrounds Flagstaff 18 Mighty Mud Mania Chaparral Park Scottsdale 18 Summer Splash Festival Downtown Chandler Chandler 19 ION & Switch Party Switch Phoenix 19, 20 Crossroads of the West Gun Show 23 Improv Theatre Trunk Space Phoenix 25 American Idol Auditions Jobing.com Arena Glendale 26, 27 Whiskey Row Shootout Whiskey Row Prescott 19 CITY AZ State Fairgrounds, Phoenix 20 Hippiefest Like, wow, man! It’s a flashback of flower-power from the 60s & 70s! See Eric Burdon & The Animals, (House of the Rising Sun), The Turtles (Happy Together), lesbian fave, Janis Ian (At Seventeen) & more! Your parents will know these songs. Go ask Alice July 11 at The Dodge Theatre, 400 W. Washington or get tix at livenation.com or visit www.hippiefest.net Less Than Jake This multi-headed ska/punk band describes their music as “unfiltered and over-amplified.” See them on July 23 at the Marquee Theatre at 730 N. Mill Ave. performing with Goldfinger, Big D and the Kids Table and Suburban Legends. Get tickets at www.etix.com JULY 2008 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE EVENT/ARTIST LOCATION 1 American Idols Live Jobing.com Arena 10 Toby Keith Cricket Pavilion 11 Jonas Brothers Cricket Pavilion 11 Todd Rundgren Marquee Theatre 11 Hippiefest Dodge Theatre 15 Collective Soul, Live Mesa Amphitheater 17 Third Thursday Tempe Marketplace 20 Jam Session San Marcos Hotel 20 Steely Dan Dodge Theatre 21 Boys Like Girls/Good Charlotte Marquee Theatre 23 Less Than Jake Marquee Theatre 29 Stone Temple Pilots Dodge Theatre 30 John Mayer Cricket Pavilion 31 Motley Crue, Papa Roach Cricket Pavilion 31 Ringo Starr Dodge Theatre AUGUST 24 2 James Taylor Dodge Theatre 2 Atomic Punks Marquee Theatre 2 ZZ Top Cricket Pavilion 25 27 Written by Dave Jackson [email protected] Yo, DJ! What’s New? In addition to these selections, look for new stuff from Stevie Nicks, G-Unit, Alison Moyet, Motley Crue and Thalia to hit shelves this month! Duffy – Rockferry For those that don’t have this or for those that haven’t been introduced to what will be one of 2008’s best albums, now’s your chance to get acquainted. This delicious UK songstress provides massive appeal in an Amy Winehouse fashion with grittier vocals and a clearer draw to pop music. First single, “Mercy” is palatable with its classic soul throwback, while “I’m Scared” and “Delayed Devotion” just plain deliver. Other tracks of note include “Warwick Avenue” and “Stepping Stone.” This will have Grammy written all over it next year. Katy Perry – One of the Boys After winning fans over with her EP last November, Katy offers a sharp, witty poprock album full of guilty pleasures. Her sound is a combination of a stylish Pink, a sassy Lily Allen and smarter Avril Lavigne. Lead single, “Kissed a Girl,” has become an instant hit with its attitude and catchy hooks, while “Hot N Cold” grooves with a solid baseline and beat. And of course the song “U R So Gay” adorns the record and only proves why many have jumped on the bandwagon, including the queen of pop herself, Madonna. Soundtrack – Mamma Mia As if Abba Gold and the cast recording weren’t enough, now you can add the movie soundtrack to your collection. However, there’s something not quite right hearing “James Bond” sing “Voules-Vouz” and “Gimme, Gimme, Gimme.” Meryl Streep nevertheless, does a fine job and successfully adds another accolade to her amazing career. She gets great production help from her cast as well as glossy postproduction. And I hear Benny and Bjorn possibly make a cameo in the movie. Now that’s entertainment! Presets - Apocalypso For something different, check this out. Take the 80’s sounds of Yaz and Information Society, add distorted Depeche Mode and mix it up with The Killers and Junior Senior to get this bold album. Tracks “This Boy’s in Love” and “Talk Like That” are perfect introductions to the overall electro-techno funk vibe that is woven throughout, while the haunting “If I Know You” is just mesmerizing. And don’t let the names “Aeons” and “YippiyoAy” scare you away; for they give amazing support to one of 2008’s most daring albums. In other music news, two of my favorite acts will have albums out by year’s end. Snow Patrol, my #1 album of 2006 is about a month into recording. According to frontman Lightbody, much “loveliness” will fill this third release. And Jem’s sophomore release, “Earth” is set for September. Working with Greg Kurstin (Lily Allen, Kylie), expect a hip, edgier sound. To get a taste, check out her first single on the Sex and the City Soundtrack. Until next month … 29 ION PRIDE IN THE PINES 30 31 Hal Sparks You liked him on Talk Soup. You loved him on Queer as Folk. Chicago’s Funniest Teenager may be all grown up now but he’s still adorable, talented and ready to tickle your funny bones at the Comedy Spot Comedy Club at 7117 E. 3rd St. in Scottsdale on July 25 & 26. Call 480-945-4422 or go to www.thecomedyspot.net for tix. Eddie Izzard: “Stripped” “I’m two lesbians in a man’s body.” Now’s your big chance to see the one and only, wild, wacky and enormously talented Eddie Izzard performing together for the first time July 22 & 23 at the fab Orpheum Theatre at 203 W. Adams St. in Phoenix. Tix at www.ticketmaster.com or call 480-784-4444. “He’s quite confident for a bloke in a dress.” Elated Entertainment Group Theatre Auditions The plot may be hot, simply teeming with sex. A gay divorcee who is after his ex. It could be Oedipus Rex! EEG is seeking actors for five one-act plays at the Herberger Theatre featuring work by the fabulous Kenny Thames. Auditions will be held midJuly for late August performances. Call 602-538-8241 for details & to schedule an audition. JULY 2008 ION THEATRE & STANDUP CALENDAR JULY 2008 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE thru 8/3 thru 7/12 thru 7/26 thru 7/30 6 9-10 12 11-13 7/11-8/10 18-19 18-18 22-23 27 EVENT/ARTIST LOCATION The Music Man AZ Broadway Theatre Shakespeare Sedona 2008 Tlaquepaque Oliver! B’way Palm Dinner Theatre New Works Festival Phoenix Theatre Leslie Jordan Herberger Theatre West Picnic Theatre 4301 Best Damn Comedy Jam Celebrity Theatre Novaballet Tempe Ctr. for the Arts South Pacific Scotts. Desert Stages Hal Sparks Comedy Spot Comedy Club Por Amor/For Love Playhouse on the Park Eddie Izzard Orpheum Theatre Open Mic Night Comedy Spot Comedy Club 33 PHONE 623-776-8400 800-768-9286 480-325-6700 602-254-2151 602-258-9481 480-994-2787 602-267-1600 480-350-2822 480-483-1664 480-945-4422 602-264-0402 480-784-4444 480-945-4422 by Kimberly M. Ruff journalist and founder of Gonzo Journalism, a style of reporting that involves the reporter as the central character. Perhaps you know about his liberal views of drug use and advocacy for psychedelics. Thompson was a strange and interesting character. In Gonzo: The Life and Times of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, director Alex Gibney (Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room) explores the career of Hunter S. Thompson, from his near-win as Sheriff of Pitkin County, Colorado in 1970, to his hands-on involvement with Sen. George McGovern’s presidential campaign in 1972 to his years as a freelance journalist for Rolling Stone magazine. Narrated by Johnny Depp (who played Thompson in Fear and Loathing...), Gonzo paints a beautiful portrait of this extraordinarily unusual man. Release Date: July 4, 2008. Usually summer blockbusters are formulaic action-thrillers and romantic comedies, both requiring the minimal amount of effort on behalf of their audience for comprehension. Does this make them bad? Hardly. Sometimes, we just need to suspend reality for a couple of hours. So what’s on the menu this month? Hancock Starring: Will Smith, Jason Bateman, Charlize Theron Did you watch The Incredible Hulk and saw how he not only thwarted the bad guys, but he also made a huge mess in the process?In Peter Berg’s latest flick, Hancock, Will Smith plays the title character – a homegrown hero to Los Angeles who saves the day by destroying everything in his wake. Usually, he wouldn’t care, but after rescuing PR executive, Ray Embry (Bateman), Hancock starts to consider freshening up his image. Despite the misgivings of Ray’s wife, Mary (Theron), Hancock and Ray partner on the greatest feat of his superhero life. If you like Will Smith, and are looking for some comic relief in your action flicks, you’ll love Hancock. Release Date: July 2, 2008. Dark Knight Starring: Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Gary Oldman, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Aaron Eckhart The follow-up to Christopher Nolan’s hit Batman Begins, we once again find our beloved hero (Bale) facing a threat to life in Gotham City, the Joker (Ledger). Teaming up with Det. Harvey Dent (Eckhart) and Lieutenant Jim Gordon (Oldman), Batman must find the best method to challenge his most difficult enemy yet. This is Ledger’s last film before his untimely death and will prove to be a bittersweet experience for fans. Release Date: July 18, 2008. Gonzo: The Life and Times of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson Questions? Comments? Reach the writer at [email protected]. Narrated By: Johnny Depp Most of you have probably heard of Hunter S. Thompson, the American 35 ionmovies by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo. com JULY 2008 MOVIE OPENINGS TITLE GENRE RATING 2 Kit Kittenridge Mystery/ Family 2 Hancock Action/ Fantasy/ Comedy PG-13 11 Hellboy: the Golden Army Action/ Fantasy PG-13 11 Journey to the Center... 3D Action/ Adventure/ Fantasy PG 11 Meet Dave Comedy/ Sci-fi PG 18 The Dark Knight Action/ Crime/ Drama/ Mystery PG-13 18 Mamma Mia! Musical/ Comedy/ Romance PG-13 18 Space Chimps Animation/ Adventure/ Comedy G 25 Step Brothers Comedy R 25 The X files: I Want to Believe Sci-Fi/ Mystery NYR R I feel so special this month because 20th Century Fox, a subsidiary of News Corporation, sent us a box set of TCMapproved Carmen Miranda musicals. For those of you who don’t know this about me, I am a HUGE fan of Turner Classic Movies, because they show all sorts of oldies-butgoodies and part of being a film fanatic is appreciating the pictures of yesterday. I’m not necessarily a fan of musicals, but I can appreciate campy, glitzy, Hollywood goodness just as much as the next guy, so I busted out my box of Crayolas and colored myself tickled pink when I got this prize jewel. Most of you know Carmen Miranda as the “Brazilian Bombshell” notorious for wearing fruit on her head. In fact, you probably just know about the fruit on her head. That’s ok. That’s all I knew. But being a serious journalist vying for a Pulitzer Prize for composing insightful film reviews, I did some research. Here’s what I found: Carmen Miranda was born in Portugal in 1909. When she was only three, she immigrated to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil with her family. At an early age, she expressed an interest in Show Business, singing at local parties and festivals before moving up to radio. She acquired a recording contract with RCA, made six films in Brazil and did work on Broadway. In 1939, she and her band went to Hollywood, where she ultimately became one of the highest-paid stars during the 1940s, making a total of 14 films between 1940 and 1953. Her stateside success came with a price; Brazilians felt she had become “Americanized” as her Hollywood image as the “lady in the tuttifrutti hat” was not distinctly Brazilian. Hurt by these accusations, Miranda turned to alcohol, amphetamines and barbituates for solace, a choice that weakened her heart and cost her her life at the early age of 46. A sad ending to a brilliant career. Miranda’s exposure helped popularize the Samba and educated Americans about some aspects, albeit inaccurate ones, of Latin American culture. That was the 1940s Hollywood. What did you expect? Ah, yes – dance and song! Well, The Carmen Miranda Collection has those in spades (or bananas): The Gang’s All Here If you see the words “musical” and “Busby Berkeley” together, you’re guaranteed to see some serious magic. In this film, James Ellison plays a soldier who falls in love with a chorus girl (Alice Faye) before being shipped overseas. When he comes back home, his father has arranged a marriage for him, one that could cost him his girlfriend, but not if Dorita (Miranda) can help it. Something for the Boys Here, Miranda is one of three cousins (Viviane Blaine, Phil Silvers) who inherit a parcel of land in Texas. In order to get some much needed revenue, they opt to put on a show. Other films include: Greenwich Village (with Don Ameche), Doll Face (based on a book by Gypsy Rose Lee), and If I’m Lucky (with Perry Como). If you want something over the top, filled with awesome choreographed dance numbers, fabulous costumes and extravagent settings, check this out. Questions? Comments? Reach the writer at [email protected] 37 ION EQUALITY ARIZONA DINNER ANNIVERSARY PARTY AT SWITCH A LOOK BACK THEN 2001-2008 There are the Seven Wonders of the World. There’s The Magnificent Seven. Snow White had Seven Dwarfs. You can sail the Seven Seas. Everybody hears about the Seven Deadly Sins, but did you know there are also Seven Virtues? Video gamers know that Sonic the Hedgehog collected seven Chaos Emeralds. Mathematically, Lucky Seven is the smallest “happy number.” We’re happy, too. There are the NOW Seven Hills of Rome. �������� �������� IONAZ Premier Issue July ���� ���� Seinfeld’s George Costanza wanted to name his first-born “Seven” after baseball great Mickey Mantle’s uniform number. And who could forget Bond. James Bond. Agent 007. Seven is a prime number and ION has just reached its prime. As we celebrate our 7th anniversary, we’d also like to call attention to some of our friends and yours. We salute them and thank them for their support of the LGBT community and ION Magazine. The saloon called Charlie’s which has been a Phoenix fixture for over 20 years and some of the best After Hours dancing west of the Pecos. Yes, Seven! It’s hard to believe that seven years ago ION launched its very first issue in July, 2001. The new millennium was dawning and the stage was set for Phoenix’ first entertainment guide. Our premier issue was black and white and 48 pages. It was then called IONAZ (some to this day pronounce it phonetically) Phoenx Entertainment Guide. And now, seven years and 84 issues later, ION is full-color and some of our issues have tipped the scale over 100 pages. So you could say that we’re in Seventh Heaven. Some bars and clubs and places are a lot like Madonna – they keep reinventing themselves. That’s not easy! Apollo’s was once known as Fatfinger’s and is Phoenix’s oldest gay bar. They’ve been around forever. A taproom on 7th Street once known as Jan’s Canal Lounge became The Eagle briefly before turning into Roscoe’s Sports Bar. They’re celebrating their 12th anniversary in August. � ������ ���� ���������������� ����� ����� ��� ��� ��������������� ���������� �����IONAZ��� ����� ���� ��� ��� � ��� ������ ��� ��� ��� ��� ������ ��� ��� ������ ����� ��� ����� ��� Premier ���������� ����� ������������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ������������ ���������� ���������� ��������� ��������� ���� ����� ���� ������ ������ ������ ����� ���������� ����� ����� ������ ������������ ������ ����� ���� ������ ������������ ������������ �������� �������� ����� ����� ������ ����� ������ ��������� ��������� ��������� �����Issue ����� ����� ��� ���������������� �������� ����� ����� ����������� ������������ �������� ������������ ��� ����� ����� ��� ����� ����� ����������� ���� ���� ���������� ������ ����� ������ ������� ������� ������� ����������� � ���� ��� ������� ����� ��� ���� July ��� ���� ����� ����� ����� ��� ������ ����� ������ ������ �������� �������� ���� ���� ���������� ���������� ��������� ���� ������� ������� ������ �������������� �������������� ������ ��������� ��������� ������� ��������� ������ ������ ������� 44 ��������� ������ ��� ����� ���� ���� ���� ���� ��������� ��������� ������ ������ �������� ��������� ����� ����� ��������� �������� ��������� ��������� ��������� ��������� ��������� �������� ������� ������� ������� �������� �������� �������� ������� ������������ ������������ ������ ������������� ������������� ������ ������ ������������� ������������� �������� �������� ������ ������ ������������� ������������� ��� ����� ������������ ����� ������������ ���� ���� ��� ��� ����� ����� ����� ��� ����� �������� ����� ���� ���� ������ ���� ���� ��������� ���� ��� ������� ������� ������ ���� �������� ������� �������� �������� ������ �������� ������������� �������� ��������� �������������������������������� �������� ��������� ���� ���� ��������� ��������� �������� �������� 45 ��� ���� ������ ������ ���� ���� ����� ������ 2001-2008 2 A LOOK BACK Barry Goldwater was born on the site where Amsterdam is today, but before it was Amsterdam it was a place called Millie’s Flower Shop. Amsterdam will be throwing their 10th anniversary party in August. Name Changes During 2001-2008: Once upon a time there was a disco called Bullwinkle’s. It transformed into the leather bar Trax before it was Boom! and since 2004 it’s been Karamba Nightclub. Foster’s ---- e lounge ---- Melrose Place Trax ---- Boom ---- Karamba Harley’s 155 ---- Harley’s Too ---- Velocity Anderson’s Fifth Estate ---- Club Forbidden Misty’s ---- Z Girl Club Ain’t Nobody’s Biz ---- The Biz ---- Club Vibe Marlys’ ---- Taylor’s Tavern World ---- Palazzo Johnny Mc’s ---- Homme Crowbar ---- Dwntwn Padlock ---- Cellblock Body Positive ---Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS IONAZ ---- ION Arizona Scottsdale is the hometown of JR’s which became Mr. B.’s which changed to Backstreet and has been known as BS West for more years than I can count. Here’s some trivia for you: do you know what BS for? It is the namesake of a past owner’s parent bar called “Bread Sticks” in New Jersey. What else did you think BS stood for? old place. We salute them all. became Nasty Habits, then The Lockerroom. It’s been renovated and is now the popular icepics videobar. Here at And, boy, does time fly! We’d like to share some of the milestones we’ve seen happen in ION Magazine and in our community with you over the past seven years. ION is proud of our community’s heritage. Some of our favorite hotspots are gone, but not forgotten. ION saw a lot of them over the past seven years. Some are long gone. Some entrepreneurs have taken the opportunity and transformed into something better. Some places lasted for years. Some flew under the radar. Some have a new name in an ION we This is a flyer we sent out to gay haven’t even reached the busineses to announce the coming of a new Seventh Stretch. We sure publication.Inning Our headline: “Phoenix will don’t never be have the Seven Year Itch! Sure, God the same.” may have rested on the seventh day, but ION is always working to create a publication to give you the best in nightlife, entertainment, special events, reviews and interviews, hot and sexy photography and much more. And that roll of the dice sounds like a Lucky Seven to us! McDowell Road is the street where gals went to The Full Moon. It later ��� �������� ���� ������ � ���� �� ���� ������� ��� ��� ��������� �� �� �������� �������� ��������� �������� ����� �������� �������� �������� ��������� ���������� �������� ������� ����� ���� ����� �������� ������� �������� ������ ���������� ������� ������� ������ �������� ��� ����� ��� ��� ������ ��� ������ ��� ��� ��� ��� ������ ����� ����� ��� ������ ��� �������� �������� ��� ����� �������� ����� ��� ������ ����� ����� ���� ���� ���� ����� ��������� �������� ����������� ������ ������� ������ ����� ������ ���������� ����� ��������� �������� ����� ����������� ���� ����� ����� ������ ���� ������������ ������� ����� ���� ���������� ����� ����� ������ ���������� ������ ������������ ������ ���� ��� ���� ���������� ���� ����� ������������������ ��������������� ����� ����� ������������� ���������� �������������� ������ �������������� ������ ������������ ������ ������� ����� ������������������ ����� ������������� ������������� �������� �������� ����� ����� ��� ����� ������� ������� ��� ������� ����������� �� ������� ����������� ������������� ������ ����� �������� ����� ����������� ������������������� ����� ����� ������� ������������ ��� ���� ���� ���� ���� ��������� ������ ���� ��������� ���� �������� ���� �������� ����� �������� ������ ����� �������� �������������� �������� ������ ����� ���� ���� ����� ���� ���� ���� ��� �������� �������� �������� �������� �������� �������� 46 ���� ��� ������ ������ ��� ����� �������� ����� �������� ������ ��� �������� ��� �������� ���� ����� ��� ����� ���� ���� ��� ����� ������ ������� ����� ���� ����� ���� ��� ����� �������� ����� �������� ����� ����� ������� ����� ������� ������ ����� ��������� ���� ������� 47 ���� ���� ���� ������� ���� ���� ������� 48 49 The Red Devil’s in the Details Okay, you can call me a Devil worshiper. No, I don’t mean Beelzebub, Lucifer, Mephistopheles, the Dark Prince, Lord of the Flies or Satan. I mean Red Devil Italian Restaurants and Pizzerias. Family owned and operated, for nearly fifty years those wicked little imps at Red Devil have been tempting tastebuds right here in Phoenix where they have three locations, plus one in beautiful Pinetop. politically correct? The devil made me do it. Red Devil makes a wide variety of favorite pasta dishes: stuffed Rigatoni, Tortellini Alfredo, Ravioli and more. They have a great Stuffed Baked Lasagna. Expect three layers of thick noodles, seasoned ground beef, sausage and a rich blend of four cheeses with marinara sauce. I especially liked the generous fennel seeds evident in the sausage used. Looking for a great way to spend an evening? Go to Red Devil’s McDowell Road location before you go to icepics videobar and make a night of it. But make sure you’re hungry. Remember, they’re Italian at Red Devil and they won’t let you get out of the door until you’ve cleaned your plate. And it won’t be difficult to do. Mangia, mangia, bambinos! You’ll also get a nice, crisp, simple garden salad or soup and each entrée is paired with your choice of spaghetti, French fries or fresh, steamed broccoli. And you know how important your cruciferous vegetables are, now don’t you? Entrées are incredibly affordable ranging from $7.20 to $11.20. It’s easy to make a pact with the Devil at those prices. I enjoyed a sinfully delicious Veal Cutlet Parmigiana. It was everything you’d expect it to be: large, thinly sliced, breaded, deep-fried, covered in rich marinara sauce and topped with bubbling, mozzarella cheese. Okay, I’m evil. So what if eating veal isn’t quite You can’t ignore Red Devil pizza. That demon Old Scratch has fourteen different pies to choose from at either ten, fourteen or sixteen inches. The Red Devil Combo features pepperoni, Expanded Dining Guide Coming Soon! More great restaurants to choose from! 50 51 served Monday through Friday from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. chunky Italian sausage, onions, mushrooms, green peppers and lots and lots of rich, gooey cheese on top of a delicious, buttery crust. You can even create your own pizza, too, with 29 toppings to choose from. Pizza range in price from about $9 to $23 depending on ingredients and size. If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, I sure hope it ends up at Red Devil Italian Restaurant. Remember, after dinner you can find out just what the wages of sin will get you at icepics videobar right next door. For you thrifty types, go to icepics on Wednesday for FREE Red Devil pizza and a movie. Have a little Fire and Ice! Each dish is served piping hot as youknow-where just scant minutes after your order was placed. However, make sure you’re not sitting under one of the powerful airconditioning vents. They can cool your dinner off quicker than you might like. Red Devil’s Central Phoenix location is at 31st Street & McDowell Rd. Phone: 602267-1036. HOURS: Mon-Thurs 11 a.m. – 10 p.m. Fri & Sat 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Sun 310 p.m. See www.reddevilrestaurant.com for more locations & complete menu. Red Devil also provides a variety of appetizers, soup, salads and sandwiches. Don’t forget about their lunch specials 52 Meet the guys This month’s Night Out introduces us to a cute young couple, Kyle and Peter on an “innocent” night out in downtown Scottsdale. First, we took them to one of our favorite 24 hour late night munchie restaurants, Philadelphia Sandwich Company where they enjoyed their huge hoagies. Then, it was off to dancing at Club Forbidden for the 18 and over night called “Respect is Burning”. Let’s see how their Night Out went... NAME: Peter SIGN: Leo OCCUPATION: Event coordinator ORIGINALLY FROM: San Antonio, TX WHEN DID YOU COME OUT? When I was nineteen. YOURSELF IN THREE WORDS: Straightforward, driven, responsible. FAVORITE MUSIC, MOVIE & SPORT: Top 40, Action-Comic book films, & drag racing. TURN-ONS: Masculine, clean cut, smooth guys. TURN-OFFS: Clumsiness WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? Promote my events, sleep. BOXERS OR BRIEFS? Boxer-briefs FAVORITE PLACE TO HAVE SEX: Outdoors. NAME: Kyle SIGN: Scorpio OCCUPATION: Banker ORIGINALLY FROM: Phoenix, AZ WHEN DID YOU COME OUT? Two years ago. YOURSELF IN THREE WORDS: Shy, Loving, straight-acting. FAVORITE MUSIC, MOVIE & SPORT: Top 40, Action-Comic book films, & baseball. TURN-ONS: Clean cut, good smiles, tall muscular confident guys. TURN-OFFS: Smoking. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? Go to the movies, sleep. BOXERS OR BRIEFS? Briefs. FAVORITE PLACE TO HAVE SEX: The kitchen. 602-993-4567 phx 520-791-2345 tuc Get a Date Tonight! See ad on page 83 (Free code: 4448) 54 55 60 WWW.OUTTHEVOTE.US Presented by: AD DONATED BY ION ARIZONA MAGAZINE ION JELLO WRESTLING DOWNTOWN PHOENIX 72 73 ION SCOTTSDALE by Mark Layne Patience & Gaining Muscle Gaining Muscle Mass Takes Patience Limit Excessive Cardio Sessions It can take a lot of patience to gain muscle mass, it is really tougher to do than simply losing weight. Remember that it can take 6 weeks to see muscle gains on a tape measure from the time you begin a comprehensive mass building program. Here are some tips from me, with the help of Alwyn Cosgrove that can help you to maximize your gains in the gym. Perform a light 5-8 minute cardio session to warm up the body along with stretching before your primary workout but you need to save your energy for the weight lifting program during this mass building phase, so don’t go overboard with cardio on lifting days. On your non-lifting days plan once a week to have a strong cardio-recreation day such as swimming, hiking or a basketball game. Focus On Compound Exercises First GRADUALLY INCREASE POUNDAGES For pure size you really need to hit and exhaust as much muscle fiber as possible. That means compound instead of isolation exercises. Some of the best exercises are deadlifts, squats, bench presses, power cleans, pull-ups and standing shoulder presses. Most of the time you will build faster in a standing or elevated position rather than seated or lying down. I’m not saying that you should avoid isolation exercises like triceps pressdowns or leg curls altogether but you should make compound exercises your first focus in any workout then you can hit some isolation moves later in each session. One of the fastest ways to hurt yourself and limit growth is to try to lift too heavy too fast. Be patient and increase your poundages carefully. Increase your weight each time you lift by small increments. There are 2.5 lb and 5 lb plates for a reason, use them. Go from a 135 lb bench press for 8 reps to 140 lb for 8 reps, then 145, 150, 155 while keeping the rep count the same. Do this with each DOWNTOWN SCOTTSDALE 77 Don’t Over-train Your Muscles exercise and even keep track of your total cumulative weight lifted in each session. Getting big requires plenty of rest. The same reserves that help you lift heavy also help your muscles to recover after a heavy workout. One of the most frequent mistakes people make is to let their drive to get big also drive them to hit the gym too much. It’s a balancing act and you need to recover between workouts. Four or five workouts per week mixing upper and lower body during this mass building phase are plenty to build big-time muscle and don’t spend more than 90 minutes lifting in each workout session. You may want to hit upper body on day one, lower body on day two then take day 3 off and repeat this cycle. Eat Plenty Of The Right Kinds Of Foods If you want to grow more muscle your have to really take in plenty of calories. That doesn’t mean to “pig out” and eat junk food. For starters, it takes fuel to lift hard and that means plenty of the right carbohydrates. Don’t let the various fads of no carbs, low carbs, no fats and all of the others derail your program. Stick to a sensible diet and get a good breakfast with ample complex carbs to fuel your workouts. Make sure to eat protein immediately after your workouts and stick to 5-6 smaller meals per day. Make the meals during the day a little larger than later in the day and drink plenty of water. Mark Layne is a Certified Personal Trainer and Owner of PUMPEDCUT Fitness. He can be reached at 480.430.6282 or on the web at www. pumpedcut.com 78 Vol. 2, Issue 4 JULY 2008 ����������� OUTRAGEOUS! ������������������������������������������������������ Unfair and unbalanced. We decide. ����������������������������������������������������� Salmonella Tainted Tomatoes Kills Vegetarians; Cows & Chickens Blamed FARMINGTON, N.M. – The recent plague of an outbreak of Salmonella tainted tomatoes has raised suspicions amongst tomato farmers throughout the United States. This outbreak has sickened nearly 200 people in 17 states since April. Vegetarians have been affected in record numbers. Cows and chickens are suspected of spreading the deadly bacteria among them in order to boost sagging sales of meat consumption. empty Petri dishes scattered around during routine early morning gardening. ����������� Vegetarians Against Bloody Red Meat Butchered From Living Creatures spokeswoman Bree Lowenstein claims, “We know that cows and chickens out there are deliberately trying to kill vegetarians in order to boost their edibility factor. If you kill the vegetables, you’ll kill the vegetarians and only carnivores will be left!” Ttomato farmers report that a consortium of cattle and chickens are responsible. ����������� The Golden Sprout, a strict vegetarian restaurant in Berkeley, California was “My friend Amber Waves was vegan for forced to close its doors after several cases ������������������������������������������������������ twelve years,” sobbed Spring Baxter, 23 of Salmonella were reported. “It was the of Santa Fe. “Last week she had a tomato gazpacho,” said one victim. “I suspected and tofu sandwich and three hours later she something was wrong when my waiter, ����������������������������������������������������� was dead!” Shortly after Waves expired who looked remarkably like a Leghorn two Hereford cattle and seven Rhode Island rooster kept pushing the gazpacho and Salad Red chickens were seen driving away in a Caprese. I complained to the manager and all 1981 Pontiac Grand Prix parked in front of he said was, ‘Moo, moo.’ This is definitely a the apartment complex where Waves lived. conspiracy.” Coincidence? You be the judge. On the bright side, The Beef Council and The tomato crops cultivated at Veggie Town American Poultry Association are boasting a Farms revealed cattle tracks and chicken higher membership than ever before. scratches among the furrows with several ����������� ������������������������������������������������������ ����������������������������������������������������� 80 81 ����������� U.S. Mint Announces Honorary Quarter for Mexico WASHINGTON, D.C. – It’s been nearly a decade since the U. S. Mint unveiled its popular statehood quarters. The series will be completed this year. However, Mint officials have decided to add another honorary commemorative quarter for America’s 51st state: Mexico! And, boy, is Puerto Rico mad! bankrupt nation is not only incomparable and you can’t compare it to anything else, either. And I am unanimous in that. Their commemorative quarter will be worth many, many pesos in their own country of the United States of Mexico and worth about 16 cents in Europe. If we’re lucky.” ����������� ����������� The U.S. Commonwealth of “We’ve carefully considered ������������������������������������������������������ Puerto Rico, however, the success of the was less than pleased series and all of ����������������������������������������������������� with the numismatic the contributions decision. Mexico has made for the U.S. and “We can’t believe decided this that you’re giving was completely Mexico their appropriate,” said own quarter,” one U.S. Mint fumed one Puerto official. “Look, Rico government without Mexico spokesman. It’s not we wouldn’t have like they ceded their chalupas or Cinco ������������������������������������������������������ nation to you like we de Mayo parties. And I had to. They even started a don’t know about you, but ������������������������������������������������������ war with you once. Okay, there I love those margaritas. Wasn’t ����������������������������������������������������� was that whole Spanish-American José Quervo their first president or ����������������������������������������������������� War thing that we were involved in, but still. something? It makes perfect sense.” We gave you material for West Side Story, Menudo and Ricky Martin, for crying out The reverse side commemorative quarter loud! Doesn’t that count for something?” will feature a portrait of famed revolutionary national Mexican and Warner Brothers Plans for putting a portrait of the little motion picture star Speedy Gonzalez and the Chihuahua from the Taco Bell commercials date ‘1867,’ when Mexico became a republic. on the front of the one-dollar bill is being considered. President Bush approved saying, “Mexico’s contribution to our great, increasingly ����������� ����������� ����������� ������������������������������������������������������ ����������������������������������������������������� ��������������������������������� ������������������������������������������������������ Tornados To Be Gone With The Wind ����������������������������������������������������� town that is hit SILVER by a tornado SPRING, Md. contained a – Every spring trailer park and tornados rip gas station that ������������������������������������������������������ through Texas, was demolished. Oklahoma, Scientific Kansas, Nebraska, ����������������������������������������������������� research claims Iowa and South that if every Dakota, creating trailer park a deadly path and gas station of destruction in the United through the swath States is torn of the Plains down there will known as Tornado be no more Alley. tornado strikes. Meteorologists and weather experts working “It’s the darndest thing,” said Cletus with The National Weather Service are Argonbright, 67, of Meade, Kansas, a retired excited to announce that they have discovered gas station attendant. “We used to get two how to successfully eliminate the threat of or three tornados touch down here nearly tornados. every year. But a few years ago some fellows from Washington come down here and tore “We’ve discovered out how to������������������������������������������������������ make tornados down the Shady Acres Trailer Court, the are a thing of the past,” claims Dr. Eli Sinclair filling station and the Union 76 but Weinberger, research and development ����������������������������������������������������� we haven’t had a tornado since. Sure, we have executive for the U.S. Dept. of Commerce’s to drive 78 miles to the next town for gas, but National Oceanic and Atmospheric the twisters here are gone.” Administration who sponsors the National Weather Service. “If our meteorological Scientists and meteorologists agree, strategic defense plans are implemented, we’ll “Tornados always strike gas stations and never worry about a tornado again in these trailer parks, so it stands to reason that if United States.” they’re gone all tornados will be eliminated. Have you ever seen tornados hit an Amish Trailer parks and gas stations are proven community? I rest my case.” conductors of tornados. Statistically every ����������� ��������������������������������� ����������� ����������� ������������������������������������������������������ ����������������������������������������������������� ����������� ������������������������������������������������������ ����������������������������������������������������� Arcadia Lemonade Stand Robbed up the wealthy, peaceful PHOENIX – It’s a street, screeching to a quiet Sunday summer halt at the lemonade afternoon on Calle del stand. A gunman los Millionaires in the ������������������������������������������������������ wearing a fake Louis silk stocking Arcadia Vuitton hoodie charged neighborhood of east in shouting, “Give me ����������������������������������������������������� Phoenix. Temperatures all your money or I’ll are climbing steadily pop a cap in your trust past the century mark. fund ass!” The quaint, time honored tradition After a heated of an old fashioned discussion with child’s lemonade stand Feingold who initially is operating selling refused, the robber glasses of the sweet made off with nearly beverage to wealthy $675 in cash. neighbors. ����������� ����������� “That wrecks the ‘The Wealthy Arcadia whole afternoon,” Fancy Lemonade & said Feingold. “I was Beverage Emporium, planning on depositing L.L.C.’ opened for that in our Schwab high yield investment business on June 14. Business owners are ������������������������������������������������������ account today. Britney and I have been Britney Kaitlyn Cartwright, 9, and Simon saving to open a new location in the Biltmore Feingold, 7, both students at Phoenix neighborhood. Construction is slated to begin ����������������������������������������������������� Country Day School. Their “stand” is an in July.” The pair is eventually hoping to 120 square foot, air-conditioned building branch out into corn dogs. in Britney’s two-acre front yard built by Britney’s father, a successful developer This scenario is not unusual. Lemonade stand and financed by Simon’s father, a financial robberies are up 200%. Twelve different analyst and mortgage broker. An eightlemonade stands throughout the metropolitan ounce glass of lemonade sells for $4.50. Phoenix area have been hit. Police suspect the robber is acting alone. His license plate But last Saturday morning was different. says, “LMN8 PIMP.” Please contact the At 12:30 p.m. a black Chrysler 300, also police with any information. known as a “ghetto Bentley” came speeding ����������� ����������� ������������������������������������������������������ ����������������������������������������������������� 85 ION AMSTERDAM DOWNTOWN PHOENIX PHOENIX NIGHTLIFE 88 1. Amsterdam 718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix (602) 258-6122 2. Apollo’s 5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 277-9373 Area Phoenix 2104 N. 23rd Ave. (North of McDowell Rd.) - Phx 3. Bar 1 3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix (602) 266-9001 4. BS West 7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale (480) 945-9028 5. Bunkhouse 4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 200-9154 6. Cash Inn 2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 244-9943 7. cellblock 998 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 266-5640 8. Charlie’s 727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix (602) 265-0224 9. The Chute Men’s Club 1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 234-1654 C Clarendon Hotel / C4 401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix (602) CLARENDON 10. Club Vibe 3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 224-9977 11. Cruisin’ 7th 3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 212-9888 12. Dick’s Cabaret 3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix (602) 274-DICK 13. Friends 1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 277-7729 14. Forbidden 6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale forbiddenaz.com 15. Homme 138 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix (602) 266-0875 16. icepics videobar 3108 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 267-8707 17. Incognito 2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix (602) 955-9805 18. Karamba 1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 254-0231 19. Kobalt 3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix (602) 264-5307 20. Miami 716 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix (602) 258-6122 21. NuTowne Saloon 5002 E. Van Buren St. - Phoenix (602) 267-9959 22. OZ 1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix (602) 242-5114 23. Plazma 1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix (602) 266-0477 24. Pumphouse II 4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 275-3509 25. Retro Bar 3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix (602) 493-0355 26. The Rock 4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 248-8559 27. Roscoe’s 4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 285-0833 28. Taylor’s Tavern 15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix (602) 867-2463 29. Velocity 2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 956-2885 30. Wild Card 801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler (480) 857-3088 31. Z Girl Club 4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 265-3233 89 Happy Hour 4-7pm Happy Hour 4-7pm Karaoke @ 9pm w/ Tim $5 Martinis & Manicures Happy Hour 4-7pm Happy Hour 4-7pm Divas @ 9:30 / No Cover Happy Hour Free Pool $1.75 Dom Bottles 6-9pm $1.25 Drafts $1.50 Corona 8pm-Mid. $2 well & dom drafts $3.50 margaritas/mai tai 1/2 price u call it 8-mid Karaoke w/ Ron @ 9pm $1 Beer 2-8pm / Karaoke $1 Beer 2-8 / Strippers 10 Underwear Party 9pm $2.50 All Day & Night Jock Night $4 u call it Karaoke w/ Ron @ 9pm 2-4-1 from 2pm-8pm 2-4-1 from 9pm-12am Karaoke / $3 DnkyPunch $2 Domestic Beer $5 Grey Goose 2-4-1 (Hotspot) Karaoke @ 9pm $2 Pitchers 2-7pm .75 Happy Hr. 7-9pm $2 Long Islands 1/2 off - w/only Undies $2 Specials / 2-Steppin’ $2.50 L.Islnds @ 7pm $2 Ptchrs/ 2-4-1 @ 7pm Paco Paco & Drag Boycott - $5 Martinis $2 Corona @ dom pitch CLOSED CLOSED Sandras Ecstasis Dia. & Studs - 1/2 beer Afterhrs.-Dance ‘til 4am Afterhrs.-Dance ‘til 4am CLOSED CLOSED CLOSED CLOSED CLOSED Prizes and giveaways Prizes and giveaways Service Industry 1/2 off 2-4-1 Dances $5OFF w/ ION Keychain Myspace Wednesdays $5OFF w/ ION Keychain 2-4-1 5-10p/$5 ‘tinis 5-8 2-4-1 8-10pm (Hotspot) $2 drafts Skyy Vodka CLOSED CLOSED 75¢ well/drafts 8pm-2am Resspect is Burning 18+ Bling: Hip Hop & R&B Happy Hour: 2-4-1 4-8pm 2-4-1 Show tunes 2-8pm Drag Queen Bingo 8pm Comedy / 2-4-1 all day Free dinner & Movie 8pm ASS - Underwear Night Karamba Dancers No cover before 10pm $3 Pitchers w/Diamond CLOSED CLOSED $3 Pitchers w/Diamond $3 Pitchers w/Susana Karaoke @ 9-close Hotbodz/Savannah 10:30 Beer Bust 2-7pm 2-4-1 7pm-close Dart tournament 2-4-1 well & domestic Hot Bodz/ Drag 10:30 Beer Bust 50¢ Drafts 2-4-1 beer and well 2-4-1 ALL DAY Bingo 8:30 pm $1 Beer Night Happy Hour / All Star Grill Lunch from 11a-7p Karaoke 9:30pm Diamond Dolls 9:30pm Beer Bust L Word $ drinks Karaoke 10pm Wild Card Review 9:30 Drag Bingo 8:30pm $2.50 well/dom 12-8pm $2.50 well/dom 12-8pm $2.50 well/dom 12-8pm $2.50 well/dom 12-8pm $2.50 well/dom 12-8pm $2.50 well/dom 12-8pm $2.50 well/dom 12-8pm Happy hour 11am-8pm Happy hour 11am-8pm Happy hour 11am-8pm Happy hour 11am-8pm Happy hour 11am-8pm Happy hour 11am-8pm Happy hour 11am-8pm 90 91 TUCSON NIGHTLIFE ION BLING FRIDAYS CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Ain’t Nobody’s Biz Colors Howl at the Moon IBT’s Miguels Mexican Restaurant Rainbow Planet Coffee House Venture-N Woody’s Yard Dog 2900 E. Broadway 5305 E. Speedway 915 W. Prince Rd. 616 N. 4th Ave. (520) 318-4838 (520) 323-1840 (520) 293-7339 (520) 882-3053 606 N. 4th Ave. 1239 N. 6th Ave. 3710 N. Oracle Rd. 2449 N. Stone (520) 620-1770 (520) 882-8224 (520) 292-6702 (520) 624-3858 445 S. Alvernon Way 5335 E. Broadway Blvd. 5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave. 3800 E. Sunrise Dr. (520) 881-4200 (520) 745-2700 (520) 887-4800 (877) 670-9022 (520) 742-6000 ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1 2 3 4 5 PHOENIX Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park Embassy Suites La Posada Lodge and Casitas Royal Elizabeth B&B The Westin La Paloma 93 Libra Aries Be brutally honest with someone. At first you’ll come off as an insensitive jerk, but in the long run, you’ll save yourself a tremendous amount of time from beating around the bush. Get wasted at least twice this month. Dance on the bar and take the liberty of blacking out so that you won’t remember the regrets of your poor judgment. Happy smokin’, drinkin’, and all that ill-ass shit. Scorpio Taurus If the shoe fits ... buy it in every color and style! You’ve been second-guessing yourself lately, but now is the time to get flossy, Flossy - and I’m not talking about a trip to the dentist! Usually you’re a pretty practical kat, but this month get kooky and creative. Ditch your everyday routine and rock the boat. Gemini Get crazy in the bedroom. Your partner could use a little extra stimulation. Bust out a new toy or try some raunchy role-playing. Talk dirty or maybe even punch a hole in the bedroom wall when you climax. Sagittarius Cancer Beware that if you party like a rockstar in July, you’ll end up paying for it and spend all of August sulking about your new “has been” status. This month you’ll find yourself in cosmopolitan company. Enjoy your posh surroundings and savor your new found sexy style and hip happenings. Capricorn You need a spiritual douching. Take some time to cleanse your soul and repent for your scandalous summer behavior. Aquarius Leo You’re probably getting scammed. If it’s too good to be true, it probably is. If you feel like there’s a catch, it’s coming. Stay cautious of sneaky cons this month. Remember that it’s not your fault. Don’t waste your time assuming any sort of guilt or taking responsibility for your actions. This month, take a break and be sure to pass the blame on to other people. Virgo Pisces Remove boundaries. Take a trip. Go to the beach. And if your schedule doesn’t permit travel, there’s always the option of dumping sand into your bath tub and using your best imagination. It’s a cruel, cruel summer, but everything will be dandy by fall so stop complaining already, you pansy! In the meantime keep it cool in the shade, kick back and relax. 94 95 by Addison DeWitt If you can’t stand the heat, come clean my kitchen. That’s what I always say. The temperatures have hit the triple digits and everybody’s getting hot and bothered. Some more than others. But there’s always a little bit of good gossip out there. Even if it’s at somebody else’s expense. “The bells are ringing for me and my guy!” Looks like everybody’s favorite misanthrope, BS West bartender and resident curmudgeon, the handsome Joel Rattner, has finally found true love. Yes, folks, it’s official! Our Joel has found someone who can appreciate just how much Joel really does hate just about everything. I hear the lucky duck who’s going to the altar with Joel is a certain Brett Barry. The two are planning their conjugal matrimonification this November and have even sent me an engraved invitation to the reception. You’re gonna love the Waring blender I bought you, honey! BS West was forced to cancel a cabaret show featuring Las Vegas personality Bonnie Bitch. Apparently the porcine performer had a stroke just scant days before her Scottsdale debut. What kind of a reason is that? I swear, some people will do anything to get out of a commitment. Here’s wishing her a speedy recovery. David Hernandez, our very own singing stripper made good returned for the grand finale of American Idol where he participated in a tribute medley to singing stall queen George Michael. Now, inquiring minds want to know who was the wag at Fox that planned for little Gypsy Rose Lee, Jr. to sing the lines from Michael’s hit, Father Figure, “That’s all you wanted … Just for one moment to be warm and naked/ At my side.” Huh? Did the Music Director for AI and Fox execs forget what David used to do for a living, or were they simply rubbing his hose – er, nose – in it? Still, props go to David who totally owned the lyrics, especially the sexily whispered “naked” part. I think I ejaculated a just a little bit when he sang. Spies tell me that la Hernandez recently stayed The Clarendon Hotel + Suites where extraordinarily unreliable informants report that he demands that the mini fridge be stocked with Naked Juice. Where do you people hear these things? Really now! And if I had any shred of selfrespect or propriety I wouldn’t repeat them let alone print them. And my editor would delete them. But where’s the fun in that now, I ask you? Speaking of George Michael, wasn’t that Pistol Pete Kelly I spotted at the George Michael concert last month? I wouldn’t have taken Energy Radio’s hot talk jock Kelly to be a fan. Michael, the talented half of Wham! put on a heckuva show and does a great impersonation of the 1990s version of Clayton McKee, this year’s winner of the George Hamilton Tanning Open. Wake me up before you go-go! I went to the Dodge Theatre to relive my Goth days at The Cure concert. After I read some Edgar Allen Poetry I spotted hotelier Ben Bethel and pal Mike Chesworth applying eyeliner. Joey Sarandos-Durisek 99 (Continued) Jesse. Is there something I need to know, honey? The winning Michael Cazier arrived with his pal, Tim. and Thomas Sarandos-Durisek DDS (the hyphens are silent) kibbutzed in a skybox with Roberta and Tom Anderson of Forbidden. We’re in a Recession, you know, and I’ll be darned, those adorable, cashpoor lads Chad, Derek and Ryan from BrokeStraightBoys.com came to Bar 1 with their handlers Patrick Curran and Jerry Lewis (no, not the comedian) to entertain a bar full of lascivious lechers and pick up a dollar or two. Charley Bertini saw the boys strip to some ultra-sheer underpants while off-dutybartender Scott Stowe and his beau, the Darling of Dealware, Shawn Bailey drooled. I divided my time between making sure those kids didn’t nick my wallet and ogling the bartender, Truitt who just makes me lose my senses. I had a fab time at the recent Customer Appreciation night at Pumphouse II. Owner Chuck and his bar’s top-notch manager, Paul, rolled out the welcome mat for their friends and fans with a delish banquet of snacks, shrimp and deli meats. And speaking of deli meats, I got a gander of the tube steak those stripping baloney boys had in their casings for the entertainment. Gage is always a favorite on the menu. I went back for seconds! Savannah, the Pumphouse’s multitalented resident drag queen gloried all effulgent in the limelight and pulled all the stops out along with gender-bending glamazon Winnie Gozinya. Bartender Pandora always brings a little bit of pandemonium with him wherever he goes – and that’s a good thing. Who wears short shorts? Next time you go, be sure you get a load of bartender Ranger Dale’s summer wardrobe. Darling, it’s so you! What up, dog? Bling Fridays was inaugurated at icepics videobar with those fun-loving folks at SWAY Events at the helm – so you know its gonna be da bomb. DJ Medik got crunk at the turntable while handsome Tim DePlanche hip-hopped with Kiki Vermont. Gilbert Gamboa was seen with a very becoming young man named 100 Yikes! There’s a lot of other rumors start circulating around town these days, and don’t blame me for starting them. I’ve learned my lesson the hard way, poppets. Doubtless countless readers have heard about the permanent closure of two popular central Phoenix watering holes and it simply isn’t true. I encourage you to support your local watering holes whether they be scandalous, scrofulous or glamorous and glitzy. Wherever you go, I hope to see you there. Send your gossip and news to a BrokeGayGossipGuy. You can write to Addison at [email protected] 101 VAUDEVILLE CLASSIC
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