Wonders of the Universe! - Applied Health Sciences

Wonders of the Universe!
Stunning image of moon from a plane!
Flooded Bayou, LA. CNN. Notorious pranksters Wes Roehl
and Steve Olson twice shocked physics students at Harvard
University and the Nebraska College of Salt Water and Biofuel
Technology this past Tuesday. First, by reporting that they had
captured a heretofore never seen visage of the moon using
high altitude technology, and then by exposing students to the
actual image (right). Roehl, the Extinguished Professor and
Head of the Temple Centre for Tourism and Physics research,
noted that the digital capability of
Story continued on page 107
THE
FRANCIS ENQUIRER
Because C.S. Van Doren
Still Wants To Know
Who Sucked in the Pool
Volume 18, January 2008
Young Eisenhart Cops
2007 FHBP! Student-athlete
Sue Hastings Bishop Honoured by FSU
Gig ‘em Rapids, MI (UPI) As reported to SPREnet by
her colleague Matt Wagenheim, the FHBP and Francis
Enquirer extend congratulations to Department of
Recreation, Leisure Services and Wellness chair Sue
Hastings-Bishop who was named Ferris State
University's Women of the Year for 2007. She also
received a merit award for “successfully overcoming
the limitations of her husband”, one Evil Glen Bishop.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mutter, Bigley, Morgan, Knopick and Roehl combined,
unless you also count Knopick’s dead cat.” Eisenhart’s
trash talk was quickly silenced by an NCAA Inquiry
launched by UCLA head coach and anti-football pool
declared ineligible by FHBP Board of
activist Rick Neuheisel. NCAA President Miles Brand
Directors in order to preserve eligibility
backed Neuheisel’s assertion that Eisenhart would lose
Colderthanhell, ON (CBC) Thomas Eisenhart, freshman
his eligibility if he accepted the $41 US and $12 CDN
forward for the Georgia Southern Bulldogs men’s soccer team, in FHBP prize money. FHBP CEO Mark Havitz
parlayed a 13-bowl win streak beginning with the Motor City
attempted to intervene on the poverty-stricken
bowl and ending with the Music City bowl into victory in the
student’s behalf but was quickly shot down by Brand.
“Listen Havitz, I fired your ass when I was president at
PREP: Coastal Georgia Rovers Club
team was semi-finalist at 2006
the University of Oregon and did the same to Diane
Georgia State Cup... Named club
Samdahl who was a far better scholar than you. Then I
Player of the Year... Member of the
moved to Indiana and canned Bobby Knight and I’m
Georgia state ODP team... Played for
about to fire Bud Selig, George W. Bush and Donald
coach Chad Prosser at Statesboro
Trump, so back down and shut up!” Havitz did both.
Thomas Eisenhart
Forward 6-0 175
Fr. Statesboro, GA
HS where he was a four-year
letterman and two-year captain...
Named Blue Devils’ MVP as
sophomore, junior and senior...
Member, National Honors Society.
PERSONAL: Born September 12,
1988 in Norman, OK, son of Henry &
Nanette Eisenhart.
MAJOR: Chemistry
2007 FHBP. Eisenhart held off determined though very
predictable rivals Eric Bohard, Randy Virden and Andrew
Kerins, each of whom were within easy striking distance
for the lead, but foolishly picked only favored teams in
each of the last five bowls. “They’re all morons!” declared
Eisenhart in his victory speech. “Heck, I wasn’t even
born when the FHBP was founded in 1984 and I still won
in my first try. That gives me the same total victories as
Neuheisel noted that Brand’s ruling preserved the
stellar 6-12 record of the 2007 GSU Bulldog men’s
soccer team who lost to Clemson, Western Illinois,
Charleston and NC State, but whipped international
powers Wofford and Appalachian State. The FHBP’s
cub reporter Steve Holland added that this action
probably kept Eisenhart from being lynched by angry
Bulldog students as “few things are more embarrassing
than losing by forfeit to App State, other than maybe
losing to the team that lost to them. Trust me, I know.”
After scanning the 2007 FHBP standings for a worthy
stand-in, the Board of Directors decided to award the
cash prize to Brenda Bigley who, though ranked 59th
had more credibility than any higher ranked suitor. A
full account of 2007 results begins on page 17.
Brian Karp’s Celebrity Journalistic Plagiarism? San Diego,
CA (AP). The world was fixated last month by Elle
Sightings Page Welcome MacPherson’s exploits. But we at the Francis Enquirer
to the see and be seen scene!
see too many parallels between the story in the London
Daily Mail (left) and our story (right). You be the judge.
Model Elle MacPherson strips off and
gets a piece of the surf action
Professor Mark Havitz strips off and
gets a piece by BRIAN KARP – Last updated at 4:35
by DONNA McCONNELL - Last updated at 11:19am on 27th
a.m on 27th November 1998
December 2007
Professor Mark Havitz clearly isn’t the shy type as he
stripped off in a beach car park to indulge in a spot of his
20th favourite sport - surfing. The professor known to
students worldwide as 'The Body, The Brains, Oh My
Gawd!' arrived at the beach rather sparingly dressed in a
pair of Frank Shorter spandex and almost fashionable
shoes after heading to Oz with his wife, daughter and
some extended family. But soon he had stripped off, and
poured himself into a shorts-style wetsuit, ready to hit
some waves in Byron. Mark revealed his still enviable
shape as he spent his sabbatical holiday maintaining his
fabulous body with a spot of surfing before heading off to
a research conference with the famous Graham Brown.
Model Elle MacPherson clearly isn't the shy type as she
stripped off in a beach car park to indulge in a spot of her
favourite sport - surfing. The model known as 'The Body'
arrived at the beach rather sparingly dressed in a bottomskimming sweater and fashionable Ugg boots after
heading back to Oz to be with friends and family. But
soon she had stripped off, and poured herself into a
shorts-style wetsuit, ready to hit some waves in Sydney.
Elle revealed her still enviable shape as she spent her
Christmas holiday maintaining her fabulous body with a
spot of surfing.
Legs eleven: Elle reveals
her enviable legs as the
supermodel arrived at a
Sydney beach for a surfing
lesson dressed in a
sweater and Ugg boots.
Quick change: Elle
pours herself into a
shorts-style wetsuit
after whipping off
her clothes in the
beach car park.
The Australian model was joined by her brother
Ben, who helped her zip-up her wetsuit, as the
mother of two did a quick change in the beach car
park. Elle, 44, is taking surf instruction from
Californian ex-world surfing champion, Rusty
Miller, who is now settled in Australia. Miller has
been her instructor in Byron Bay a couple of
months ago and Elle brought him to Sydney for a
surfing holiday with her children. The supermodel
and lingerie entrepreneur is said to have rented a
property in Australia's Palm Beach resort for
herself and two sons by ex-fiancé Arpad Busson,
Flynn, nine; and Cy, four; for the family holiday.
Continued on next page…
Chest ten: Mark reveals his
enviable pecs and biceps
as the superprof arrived at
a Byron beach for a surfing
lesson in running spandex
and K-Mart loafers.
Quick change: Miller
pours his brother-in law
into a bulge-enhancing
wetsuit after Havitz
whipped off his clothes
in the beach car park.
The American ex-patriot professor was joined by his wife
Sue, who helped him zip-up his wetsuit, as the author of
dozens of manuscripts did a quick change in the beach
car park. Havitz, 41, is taking surf instruction from his
brother-in-law Californian ex-world surfing champion,
Rusty Miller, who is now settled in Australia. Miller has
been his instructor in Byron Bay since yesterday and
Mark later brought him to Lismore to hear a groundbreaking tourism planning paper by Graham P. Brown.
The superprof and lingerie entrepreneur is said to have
rented a property in Australia's Rosy Palm Beach resort
for himself wife Sue and daughter Niki, seven; for the
family holiday as Sue’s fear of spiders kept them from
staying with Rusty and her sister Tricia in the nearby
Continued on next page…
Surfing queen:
Supermodel Elle
turns action girl as
she looks the part
on her surfboard.
Surfing king: Stud
prof Mark turns
action figure as he
looks the part on
his surfboard.
Surf buddies:
Elle with surf
instructor Rusty
Miller, left, and
brother Ben, far Surf buddies:
surf instructor
right, on a
Sydney beach. Rusty Miller, left,
and his niece
Niki right, search
for Mark’s body
on a Byron
beach.
But rumoured new love, Bryan Adams was nowhere
to be seen. Elle is said to have been romancing the
Canadian rocker for around a month. The pair were
reportedly seen sharing a passionate kiss at a private
party Bryan hosted on last month following the launch
of Bryan's exhibition of photographic portraits,
'Modern Muses', at London members' club The
Hospital. Since splitting from Arpad in July 2005, Elle
- who was previously married to fashion photographer
Gilles Bensimon, who she divorced in 1989 - has
been romantically linked to British actor Ray Fearon
and Australian restaurateur David Evans.
Single life: Elle is enjoying a family holiday in Sydney
with her sons but rumoured new love, Canadian Rocker,
Bryan Adams is nowhere to be seen.
Jungle. But rumoured new love, Bryan Adams was nowhere
to be seen. Havitz is said to have been romancing the
Canadian rocker for around a month. The pair were reportedly
seen sharing a passionate kiss at a private party Bryan
hosted on last month following the launch of Bryan's exhibition
of photographic portraits, ‘Pre-Modern Muses', at Kyle Field.
Since marrying Sue in October 1996, Mark - who was
previously secretly married to recreation marketer Jill Decker,
who he divorced in 1987 - has been romantically linked to
British actress Posh Spice, librarian Kathy Spence Wicks,
tourism professor C. S. Van Doren, budding actress Ellen
DeGeneres, and American restaurateur Ronald McDonald.
Married life: Mark (with bodyguard) enjoyed a family holiday
on a cash crop farm in Michigan but rumoured flame,
Canadian Rocker, Bryan Adams is nowhere to be seen.
Retrieved 19 January 2008 from: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/showbiz/showbiznews.html?in_article_id=504498&in_page_id=1773
The Last Word: From London’s Daily Telegraph
Closing Arguments (OK, we admit we just can’t let this one go):
Now: Rusty Miller hangs with his latest high profile
client Elle MacPherson and her boys following
some serious surfing on the beaches near Sydney.
Miller noted that “this is the largest media crush
I’ve had since my brother-in-law Havitz visited
Australia in 1998. Next year I’m hoping to score
bigger celebs, like Wes Roehl and Katie Bigley.”
The Campus Beautiful
Inspiration for these next two pages came
from the surreal beauty in the CWU photo
(right) sent by Mark Pritchard. We solicited
pics from everyone still on campus, but
only heard back from Graham Brown and
Mark Havitz (so don’t blame us for that
extra page of photos from Michigan State).
Winter scene at Central
Washington University
Summer scene at the University of
South Australia [in Adelaide] “I am
not sure if this qualifies as a ‘beautiful’
campus shot. It is from our City West
campus where I am located and
shows our open air lectures theatre
that also serves as a skate park”.
Submitted by Graham Brown
Then: FHBP paparazzi extraordinaire Graham Paul Brown
captured Mark and Sue (nee Shantz) Havitz with their families
dining in the jungle after Havitz’s stunning Byron Bay surfing
performance in November 1998. Havitz’s brother-in-law Rusty
Miller (front right) and his wife Tricia Shantz (front left) hosted
this gala affair. Celebrity kids Jeremy Brown and Niki (nee
DeVeto) Havitz are seated at the back of the table.
Ron McCarville and Clare Gunn at
the 2002 Cromptonfest Celebration.
The understated genius of Clare Gunn: In late 2007 I had a delightful e-mail exchange with long-retired, but still
vibrant professor Clare Gunn. Inspiration for this conversation was a visit by Graham Brown this past fall in which
Clare and Graham were reminiscing over some old tourism planning materials. When Graham laid eyes on a book of
pen and ink sketches that Clare had published while an undergraduate at Michigan State in 1940, he knew just the
person who would most appreciate a copy!
For your enjoyment, I’ve scanned (above) the cover and inside jacket page of the book, along with one of the several
dozen drawings that he completed. Below I have juxtaposed the ink drawing he did in 1940 of MSC’s Beaumont
Tower (located at the center of campus and site of the first building in the United States dedicated exclusively to the
scientific teaching of agriculture) with a contemporary photo from the MSU Web site. Bravo Dr. Gunn!
Stupid Aggie Tricks!
Bill Stewart leaves Illinois!
Gig ‘em, y’all! Jim Bigley and Mark Morgan displayed some true Aggie
spirit during their visit this past year. We can see both of Jim’s hands,
but the placement of Mark’s right is a mystery.
West Virginia's interim coach Bill Stewart got the
ride of his football life after his Mountaineers beat
Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl.
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/football/bowls/
2008-01-03-west-va-oklahoma-fiesta-bowl_N.htm
Another reason to despise teasips!
Bill and Yumiko Stewart hosted the Havitz family in UrbanaChampaign this past summer. Photo by Niki DeVeto Havitz
What foresight! Steve Holland sent this “Hay Gator” photo before
the 2008 Capital One Bowl. Looks like road kill to us!
“Pictured here are my 17 year old daughter Kalie
and I attending the Holiday Bowl. Unfortunately the
game didn’t turn out the way we wanted, but we had
a great time in San Diego.” – Randy Virden
Bodily Functions Page!
Citizen extraordinaire Wes Roehl contemplates Republican
candidate choices on the eve of the New Jersey caucuses.
Why Men Prefer to Retire in Dixie
“Perhaps brother McCarville and/or other marketing/
branding aces may comment on this home-operated
business venture sign in a nearby community. Only thing I
can figure on this (from a marketing perspective) is that,
traditionally, the waxing and tanning salon business has
pretty much been a female directed service business, at
least around here. If however, one (evidently named ‘Jenny’
in this case) wanted to attract the male market, what better
come on (so to speak) than advertising BJ's in addition to
the waxes and tans? I thought this sort of thing is illegal, but
I guess not in rural Georgia.” – Submitted by Jim Bigley
Enquirer paparazzi and reporter Brian Hay sent this
definitive answer to the question: “What do Scotsmen
wear under their kilts?” Based on what appears to be
Ramsey tartan, we believe the piper is Denny Howard.
Truth is Stranger than Fiction: The Mutter Museum!
“If you haven't already finished the Francis Enquirer, I have a late addition - the
Mutter Museum. It's a medical museum in Philadelphia with all kinds of
preserved oddities. I've never met Larry Mutter, so I feel a little guilty passing it
along. But humor at his expense seems to be generally encouraged, so I
thought this might be good ammo.” – FHBP Cub Reporter Andrew Kerins
The Mutter Museum’s one-of-a-kind treasures include: The plaster cast of the
torso of world-famous Siamese Twins, Chang & Eng, and their conjoined livers
(left); Joseph Hyrtl's collection of skulls; preserved body of the "Soap Lady“; a
collection of 2,000 objects extracted from people's throats; and the cancerous
growth removed from President Grover Cleveland! Please! Make the fun stop!
Chang & Eng or Mutter & Knopick?
Lest you think we made this up, please visit: http://www.collphyphil.org/mutter_hist.htm
The Mutter/Knopick/Bohard Page
Would you trust your son with this man?
From Mutter: “The winning picks have been sealed and
will be mailed tomorrow (Monday, December 17) from
Naples, FL. Unfortunately, the envelope being mailed has
been sullied by the presence of another set of predictions
from Judy and her dad (their nickname this year is “DD”
for dad and daughter). By virtue of their participation in
the FHBP, they are also my sworn enemies and I hate
them as much as everyone else. In fact, I told Judy that
she will not be ‘getting any’ until late on the night of
January 7, and that's only if I am feeling ‘up’ to it. That
seemed to amuse her.”
Knopick, Dave, Troop 257 -- Assistant Scoutmaster, Buffalo
Patrol Leader, Scoutmaster '05 - '07, Venture Crew 2257 -Committee Chairman. Other Accomplishments & Awards -District Outstanding Assistant Scoutmaster, 2003; Order of
the Arrow, Mic-O-Say honorary warrior [we believe the latter is
a special BSA sub-cult dedicated to the song stylings of Mick
Jagger] -- Submitted by alert Enquirer reporter Mark Greenig
This picture is from an arduous trip I took over the
holidays to track down Larry “Economan” Mutter. I
finally found him (with help from Judy and Larry’s old
friend Marvin) at this senior home in South Florida near
the Everglades – he was in his rocker. Unfortunately, he
didn’t seem to recognize me anymore. I guess all those
years of losing the FHBP finally got to the old guy!
Submitted by Enquirer paparazzi, Randy Virden
No Christmas letter this year, but suffice it to say, we
are doing well. Judy and I both work for the local
school district, and our jobs are going very well. I
attended a three week NEH seminar on the
Constitution in LA in the summer and it was
extraordinary. My 2007/08 teaching load basically
boils down to American Government and
Constitutional Law. Judy is teaching fourth grade and
mentoring new teachers as part of her National Board
Certification. The girls are well. Jessica is heading
home for Christmas after her first semester at
American University of Cairo where she is pursuing a
Masters in Middle Eastern History and Religion. We
will visit Jessica in Cairo over spring break. Kristen
has finished a very successful semester at Colorado
State University. She is a 21 year old sophomore as a
result of sitting out 1.5 years. Her major: natural
resources recreation. Go figure. She is doing very
well and loves her classes. Might be something in the
DNA or perhaps it's a function of "nurture" rather than
"nature. Whatever; she is digging it. We visited her
this past summer and did some hiking in nearby
RMNP. Will do that every summer she is in CO.
That's it. Love, from the Mutters
Eric “The OSU Beaver” Bohard sent two action photos featuring
son John (48th in this year’s FHBP). John’s batting stoke looks
impressive if not “Knopick-esq” (above) but we at FHBP Headquarters must take issue with the Washington Husky-like
helmets sported by John’s (#41) football team (below). Surely
being forced to wear those must qualify as a form of child abuse.
THE MEAL (Featuring Dave and Carol somewhere in Kansas in 2043) via the Internet:
He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and
carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing
them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then
set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking
over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the
two of them." As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal
for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything. The surrounding
people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking
turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This
time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything." As the old man finished and was wiping
his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of
food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?" ………………………………………………… She answered “The teeth!”
The “I Hate Wolverines” Page featuring some good old Gator Humour
Courtesy of Steve Holland
The ability to Make and Understand Puns Is the
Highest Level of Language Development. Here
are the ten first place winners in the
International Pun Contest:
This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the Florida Gator who sent ten different
puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would
make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two
dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him
and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.'
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns
to the other and says 'Dam!'
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've
lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? His goal:
transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and
asked them to disperse. 'But why?', they asked,
as they moved off. 'Because,' he said,' I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to Spain , they
name him 'Juan'; the other went to a family in
Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' Years later, Juan
sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture
of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a small florist
shop to raise funds Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist
across town thought the competition was unfair.
He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the
friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and
most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to
close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up
shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that
only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked
barefoot most of the time, which produced an
impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
ate very little, which made him rather frail and,
with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
The wisdom of Babes: A nursery school teacher was delivering
a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck
zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian
dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use
him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another, "he's
just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close.
"They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
December 2007. Hello Friends! May the Peace of Christ be with you! We
are fortunate to again report that our family was blessed with good health,
great jobs, and a fun and eventful year. Among our family-based milestones,
I turned 50 and both of Sue’s folks turned 80 during calendar year 2007.
Sue’s mom suffers from diabetes and macular degeneration so they have
found their spatial world more limited to the immediate Kitchener area than
in the past. Fortunately, we live just 20 minutes away. My dad decided, in
deference to slowly advancing Alzheimer’s, that 2007 was the year to give
up his driver’s license, so his world is also a bit smaller than in the past. He
still leads an active life, however, and displays both a remarkable acceptance
of his limitations and recognition of his strengths. He and Pam travelled to southern Mississippi on yet
another post-Katrina recovery effort; he has done at least six over the past two years. They also traveled to
Hawaii for just plain fun. Our 2007 summer vacation was dominated by a week in Wisconsin. We had not
visited as a family since 2001 when we were in Rice Lake for Grandma Keefer’s 100th birthday party. We
didn’t see everyone, but enjoyed central Wisconsin visits with aunt Rosemary and uncle Virg, uncle Lloyd &
aunt Linda, and uncle Jack and aunt Elaine from the Havitz side of the family. We didn’t see many cousins,
but had a great time in the Green Bay area with Pam Thomson and her family. We visited Lambeau Field
and I got a classic photo of Jerry Kramer carrying Vince Lombardi off the field after Super Bowl II. Niki
went more contemporary, getting a #4 jersey in honour of her favourite professional player Brett Favre.
Then we headed northwest, stopping first in Hannibal where I went on a photo spree trying literally to
capture every building and foundation, occupied or not, in the dying little village that was my mother’s
hometown. We spent two hours there, which seemed like ten minutes to me and ten hours to Sue and Niki!
I’m especially interested in documenting which buildings were where in Hannibal’s heyday, which was
during the first half of the 20th Century. Although Grandpa Keefer’s store is no longer there and no relatives
live there I’m fascinated by this place, home to many childhood memories. I’ve completed a first draft of my
second grandparent-based autoethnography, this one regarding my relationship with Grandpa Keefer, and
submitted it to a research conference in Montreal where I hope to read the narrative next spring. From
Hannibal we proceeded to Rice Lake where we had a nice dinner with aunt Lois, uncle Howard and cousin
Kathy, then to Hayward where we had a great day at aunt June and uncle Bob’s place. My cousins Jane and
Betty were both there and our families spent an afternoon tubing the Namekagan River. I peppered both Lois
and June with questions about growing up in Hannibal and am integrating that information into my Grandpa
Keefer story. This winter I’m hoping to convert the remainder of Grandpa Keefer’s 8 mm movie reels into
digital format. Grandpa bought his camera in the early 1950s and shot a fair amount of footage, most
involving family visits and holidays, through the mid-1970s. It is, from my perspective, absolutely awesome
stuff! The remainder of our summer vacation was spent in Michigan and Illinois. Highlights of the Michigan
portion included visits with our friends Dan and Margie First in Ionia, and Mark and Connie DeMars in
Lansing. Dan First gave us a farm tour in his golf cart and I spent a morning, along with Margie and their
family friend Mike, doing walking exercises with Dan in a local school parking lot. Dan’s made remarkable
progress in recovering from his brain aneurism due to a lot of hard work on his part and to the incredible
Mark & Sue near Lake Holcomb, WI
Sue, Charlie & Ellie in Southampton, ON Sue checking out a garden at the cottage
amount of work and patience from Margie. Also great were the FarmHouse Fraternity summer picnic
hosted by Dennis and Cindy Hasenick on their Springport farm and the Hopeman Family Olympics when
we were up in Leelanau County. Our best event was Cherry Pit Spitting wherein we succeeded in bringing
Gold to Canada! We spent the end of our vacation in Champaign, Illinois hosted by the Stewart family.
Looking six years into the future, Bill spent both days convincing Niki the University of Illinois is a fine
choice for graduate school! (He is right, of course!) Niki is half way through her third high school year and
had strong midterm marks. Her favourite subject this fall has been Canadian Law. I prefer American
History which, fortunately, is one for which she is more likely to request assistance. In less than a month
she’ll be 17. She earned her G1 driver’s licence last summer and enjoys driving and the freedom that
brings, though she must have an adult in the car with her for the next few months. This spring she will
move to the next stage when she can drive solo during certain times of the day and on certain roads. She
earned her Water Safety Instructor and Life Saving certifications last summer and now works at the
Waterloo Memorial Recreation Complex as an instructor and life guard. She enjoys the community among
their staff of 90 to 100 and has made many new friends. The job pays well so she is able to set aside 1/3 of
each cheque for her university fund and another 1/3 toward her school trip and still have some spending
money left over! Her school trip will be to France, Switzerland and Germany over Spring Break this
coming March. Niki is still thinking about heading east for college, but is leaning toward one of the schools
in Ottawa rather than further east in the Maritime provinces as she was thinking about for the last few
years. Ottawa would be nice from our perspective as she would just be five hours away and because
Ottawa, Canada’s capitol city, is a neat place with lots to do. It is also a stimulating multicultural
environment from which to study the topics (law, social work, psychology and so forth) that she is
considering. Niki and I spent a few days volunteering together on a Habitat for Humanity build as she has
long wanted to do this and it was the first year she was eligible! Our Border Terrier Charlie (now seven)
and Schnoodle Ellie (now one and a half) add flavour to our lives. Ellie has mellowed from her puppy days
and they are best buddies. They especially love walks around our Waterloo neighbourhood and at the beach
in Southampton. Sue has returned full-circle to her medical secretarial roots as she took a position with a
vascular and thoracic surgeon in Kitchener. She works three days week, allowing her a bit more time for
volunteering with the Visiting Angels program at Emmanuel United Church and for her and Charlie’s work
with the “Therapy Dog” program. In that capacity, they visit Beechwood Manor on Wednesday mornings.
Charlie enjoys all of the attention and Sue cherishes her friendship with the elderly residents. Sadly, one of
Sue and Charlie’s favourites, Gertie, passed away this fall. Sue and Charlie will expand their repertoire this
year as the have joined the “Read Program”. They will visit St. Nicholas School once a week and children
experiencing difficulty reading will read to Charlie in a relaxed non-threatening environment. This fall I
applied for a SSHRC grant to fund my anticipated research into lifelong fitness patterns among formerly
elite runners. I should know whether I’m successful this spring. The writing is also on the wall that I’m
likely to be the incoming Chair of the University of Waterloo’s Department of Recreation and Leisure
Studies. More on that next year. Well, that’s it from the Canadian branch of the Havitz family! Best wishes
for a peaceful and prosperous 2008! Love, Mark (for Sue, Niki, Charles & Ellie)
Niki with cousins Stephanie & Shelby at
the Thomson’s house in Wrightstown, WI
Ellie and Charlie pose for the camera
while visiting friends in Southampton
Mark & two of his FarmHouse brothers
attempt to show they “still have it”!
Our Favourite 2007 FHBP Bowl-Game
Picking Heuristics
Charlie Havitz Team with mascot most likely to play
with a Border Terrier.
Ellie Havitz
School located closest to her hometown
of St Clements, ON
Sue Havitz
School located in the town or state she
would most enjoy visiting
Ron McCarville Team with the most stylish helmet
Ziggy Rockefeller Pro-dog, anti-cat
TAMU Knopick Pro cat, anti-dog and bird
Mark Greenig
Chose team whose mascot looks most
like the person whose photo is the
“Sponsor” of that bowl.
None of the Dimanche’s entered this year’s pool as they were
apparently too busy climbing mountains. Clockwise from top
right: Frédéric, Alex, Celine, and Christine. As Alex yells
obscenities at the British entrants, Frédéric signals “8” for
France’s World Cup rankings, and Christine says he’s a loser.
His picks made, an
exhausted an old but
contented Buster the
Norwegian Elkhound
dreams of steak
bones, sugar plums
and whipping Mutter.
Å Later ate Graham
Later ate Jeremy Æ
RIP. Graham and Jeremy Brown (above) were eaten by
Alaskan grizzly bears this fall (right after this photo was
taken actually), but not before submitting their FHBP
picks and discovering in this picture window (below) why
Alaskan weather forecasters are so accurate.
Charlie and Ellie Havitz (above) were inconsolable after losing
to Amelia Kelly in the FHBP pet category. Likewise, longtime
FHBP stalwarts, the Bigleys (Amy, Katie, Brenda & Jim) were
despondent and somewhat bitter after being eclipsed by the
upstart Eisenharts. The latter are off their Christmas list.
Bowl
Collective Wisdom
(70 entrants total)
Actual
Results
Best Comments
Collective wisdom correct
Collective wisdom wrong
Kaczynski’s Poinsettia
Utah 41
Navy 29
Utah 35
Navy 32
Navy. “Did you see that Annapolis movie? It has nothing to do with
football. – Dave Knopick
Navy. “No lint on this team.” – TAMU Knopick
Dimanche’s New
Orleans
Memphis 49
Florida Atlantic 21
Fla Atlantic 44
Memphis 27
Memphis. “Hub city for NWA and Fed Ex, second class BBQ, they just
gotta win.” – Dave Knopick
Memphis. “Owls go afowl.” – TAMU Knopick
Bohard’s
Papajohns.com
Cincinnati 55
Sou Mississippi 15
Cincinnati 31
Sou Miss 21
Cincy. “Someone must support woeful Big Least.” – Dave Rockefeller
Sou Miss. “In honor of Brett Favre.” – Dave Knopick
Bearcats. “I love naked kitties.” – TAMU Knopick
Eisenhart’s New
Mexico
New Mexico 49
Nevada 21
New Mexico
23
Nevada 0
NM. “Even though attendance rivals soccer team.” – Henry Eisenhart
NM. “For the boss.” – Jim Bigley
NM. “Tough choice; all canines are ok.” – Ziggy Rockefeller
Nevada. “This game has gone to the dogs.” – TAMU Knopick
Roehl’s Las Vegas
BYU 43
UCLA 27
BYU 17
UCLA 16
BYU. “This is not a vote of support for Mitt Romney.” – Dave Rockefeller
BYU. “Gott mit BYU.” – Jim Bigley
BYU. “Straight-laced team conquers sin city!” – Mark Havitz
UCLA. “A Slac 10 give-up game to keep Mutter close.” – Dave Knopick
BYU. Those Mormon cats say ‘Viva Las Vegas!’” – TAMU Knopick
L. Howard’s Hawaii
Boise State 60
East Carolina 10
ECU 41
BSU 38
Boise. “ECU is not there. BSU’s been there.” – Tom Goodale
Boise. “Our pirate boys are likely to enjoy the 12 hour flight more than the
game.” – Kindal Shores
ECU. “I love pirates, especially that Capt Jack guy.” – Brenda Bigley
Boise. “It still hurts to pick them almost a year later.” – Dave Knopick
BSU. “This ain’t the real pirates we be playin’ matey!” – TAMU Knopick
Loomis’ Motor City
Purdue 56
Central Michigan 14
Purdue 51
CMU 48
PU. “I’m usually a Purdon’t, but I never go with a directional Michigan.” –
Kindal Shores
PU. “Chippewas play hockey, not football.” – Dave Rockefeller
PU. “Go Boilers! (Ugly year).” – Dave Bowyer
PU. “Big 11. I mean 10.” – Dave Knopick
Karp’s Holiday
Arizona State 40
texas 30
texas 52
ASU 34
ASU. “BCS lacks respect for the PAC 10” – Eric “The Beaver” Bohard
ASU. “Belloti and Carroll are hearing Erickson’s footsteps for next year!” –
Randy Virden
Texas. “Am I going to be shunned for this?” – Katie Bigley
ASU. “Can’t choose teasips.” – Brenda Bigley
ASU. “Teasips suck. Slac 10 again.” – Dave Knopick
ASU. “I hate teasips.” – TAMU Knopick
Backman’s Champs
Sports
Boston College 52
Michigan State 18
Boston 24
MSU 21
BC. “Sorry I had to pick against MSU.” – Myron Floyd
MSU. “BC is fading, we are ascending.” – Mark Havitz
MSU. “Win a bowl game, damnit!” – Ron Kaiser
BC. “Sorry Mark.” – Brett Wright
MSU. “I’m sick of all things Boston.” – Mark Greenig
BC. “Sorry Mark, it is a New England type of year.” – Dave Knopick
MSU. “Can you say ‘keep the priests out of Disney World?” – TAMU
Knopick
VanderStoep’s Texas
Texas Christian 47
Houston 23
TCU 20
Cougar High
13
Houston. “Gotta love the Cougs! (we have the same mascot at College of
Charleston).” – Katie Bigley
Houston. “They’re auditioning our [Purdue’s] next coach.” – Dave Bowyer
TCU. “I hate cats. Frogs are ok.” – Ziggy Rockefeller
TCU. “Christian frogs rule!” – Dave Knopick
Houston. “Guy is still alive at Cougar High.” – TAMU Knopick
D. Howard’s Emerald
Oregon State 57
Maryland 13
OSU 21
MD 14
OSU. “Go Ed Heath!” – Brett Wright
Beavs. “I can’t swim fast enough to catch either.” – Ziggy Rockefeller
MD. “Always pick the turtle, even when it is cold.” – Dave Knopick
MD. “I love the turtle.” – TAMU Knopick
Opening Salvo: “You still ‘rock’ for continuing this effort. Thirty years
from now I will look forward to the nurse reading the entry form to Mutter,
Knopick and myself at the Old Aggies Home in Bryan.” – Mark Greenig
Bowl
Our Collective Picks
Actual Results
Best Comments
Mutter’s Meineke
Car Care
Wake Forest 36
Connecticut 34
Wake 24
UConn 10
Wake. “Rebecca has added a few lbs.” – Tom Goodale
UConn. “Big Least basketball school learns a new game.” – Dave
Rockefeller
Con. “Figures Mutter’s Bowl would have con.” – Steve Holland
WF. “Big East sucks like the Slac 10.” – TAMU Knopick
Bigley’s Liberty
Central Florida 38
Mississippi State 32
MSU 10
CFU 3
Bulldogs. “Top dawg conference will take it.” – Dave Rockefeller
MSU. “The lesser one.” – Ron Kaiser (MSU Spartan alum)
CFU. “Whose is that in the letterman jacket?” – Dave Knopick
CFU. “Always against the dogs!” – TAMU Knopick
Reid’s Alamo
Texas A&M 36
Penn State 34
Penn State 24
TAMU 17
PSU. “If the defense comes to play.” – Tom Goodale
TAMU. “Whoop!” – Steve Holland
PSU. “Gig ‘Em, but I doubt it.” – Graham Brown
Ags. “This is very difficult for our family, but have to turn on my geoethnic roots and stick with the gang colors.” – Jim Bigley
PSU. “Go Big Ten! What happened to Slocum?” – Dave Bowyer
TAMU. “So long coach Fran. A new era begins.” – Dave Knopick
TAMU. “Namesake pick every year.” – TAMU Knopick
DeVeto’s
Independence
Alabama 44
Colorado 26
Bama 30
Colorado 24
CU. “Too much unrest at Bama. Why is there a bowl game for .500 teams?”
– Dave Rockefeller
Alabama. “I hate to bet on Saban.” – Dave Bowyer
UA. “CU ruined OU’s season.” – Dave Knopick
CU. “Do we really care about this one?” – TAMU Knopick
Bowyer’s Armed
Forces
California 38
Air Force 32
Cal 42
AF 36
AF. “If they think this is another holy war.” – Tom Goodale
Cal. “Go Bears!” – Ron Kaiser (Cal law school alum)
Cal. “Another Slac 10. Oh no! Mutter is going to beat me!” – Dave
Knopick
Cal. “A pick against violence. Make love not war!” – TAMU Knopick
Charles’ Sun
South Florida 42
Oregon 28
Oregon 56
USF 21
USF. “Ducks show what happens with a one-person offense.” – Eric
Bohard
USF. “Tell Pritchard and Yoshioka to get that Green Duck into a mascot
etiquette class.” – Randy Virden
Ducks. “Big Least Bulls will play like steers.” – Dave Rockefeller
USF. “I love these new directional Florida teams.” – Dave Knopick
USF. “Ducks win in replay, but not in real time.” – TAMU Knopick
MVD’s MPC
Computers
Georgia Tech 43
Fresno State 27
Fresno 40
Ga Tech 28
Fresno. “Not your father’s Georgia Tech.” – Tom Goodale
Georgia Tech. “Still against the dogs!” – TAMU Knopick
Wright’s Music
City
Kentucky 55
Florida State 15
Kentucky 35
FSU 28
KY Jelly. “My confidence level too.” – Tom Goodale
KY. “Criminols serve time!” – Steve Holland
KY. “KY should gel or get hot in this game.” – Jim Bigley
Kentucky. “Will FSU field a team?” – Dave Bowyer
Kentucky. “One more overtime win.” – Dave Knopick
Kentucky. “Bye Bobby!” – TAMU Knopick
Morgan’s ChickFil-A
Clemson 39
Auburn 31
Auburn 23
Clemson 20
Clemson. “Anybodies Tiger in this one.” – Tom Goodale
Auburn. “Difficult choice between two Tigers.” – Graham Brown
CU. “Anyone who uses school colors to choose a winner will be challenged
on this one.” – Myron Floyd
Clemson. “What did you expect?” – Brett Wright
Clemson. “A southern classic. How appropriate that it is sponsored by
Chick-Fli-A.” – Dave Knopick
Goodale’s Insight
Oklahoma State 51
Indiana 19
OSU 49
Indiana 33
Indiana. “Screw Oklahoma City who want to take the Sonics [from
Seattle].” – Mark Greenig
Indiana. “Boy that hurts!” – Dave “The Boiler” Bowyer
OSU. “Ohhhh this hurts!” – Dave “Boomer Sooner” Knopick
IU. “Hoos-ier Daddy? Not Pistol Pete!” – TAMU Knopick
Pritchard’s Outback
Tennessee 48
Wisconsin 22
Tennessee 21
Wisconsin 17
Tennessee. “Mark P. says GO VOLS!” – Kath Pritchard
Tennessee. “I could take that Badger.” – Ziggy Rockefeller
Wisconsin. “Home state.” – Dave Knopick
Wi
i “B d
B d
B d
” TAMU K
i k
Brown’s Cotton
Missouri 47
Arkansas 23
Missouri 38
Arkansas 7
Missouri. “McFadden over Daniels next time.” – Tom Goodale
Arkansas. “Nutts.” – Dave Knopick
Mizzou. “Pinkle rhymes with tinkle.” – TAMU Knopick
Holland’s Gator
Texas Tech 52
Virginia 18
Texas Tech 31
Virginia 28
Tech. “Too much offense for one defensive end.” – Tom
Goodale
Tech. “Significant in-law says go with Tech.” – Dave Bowyer
TT. “I like Texas Tech, especially in the litter box.” – TAMU
Knopick
Edginton’s Capital One”
Florida 57
Michigan 13
Michigan 41
Florida 35
Florida. “No Contest.” – Tom Goodale
Florida. “Chomp!” – Steve Holland
Florida. “Michigan lost to our arch rival App. State, hence MI
deserves no support.” – Jim Bigley
Michigan. “This is the only time all year (other than against
MSU) that UM will have Long, Henne, Hart, Manningham and
Arrington on the field for the same game. Florida will be
complacent.” – Mark Havitz
Florida. “Blow out time.” – Ron Kaiser
Florida. “Gator bait.” – Brett Wright
Florida. “I could take that Wolverine.” – Ziggy Rockefeller
Florida. “Rich who?” – Dave Knopick
MacKay’s Rose
Southern Cal 49
Illinois 21
Southern Cal 49
Illinois 17
USC. “Will be interesting.” – Tom Goodale
USC. “My roots don’t run that deep. Sorry mom.” – Kindal
Shores
Illinois. “I’m smelling roses!” – Bill Stewart
USC. “With apologies to one of my mentors Bill Stewart, no
relation to Martha.” – Jim Bigley
USC. “Blow out time.” – Ron Kaiser
USC. “At home.” – Dave Bowyer
USC. “Whoa Nelly! Keith Jackson returns.” – Dave Knopick
S. Havitz’s Sugar
Georgia 45
Hawaii 25
Georgia 41
Hawaii 10
Hawaii. “BCS CEO will be confounded.” – Dave Rockefeller
Hawaii. “I met one of the Warriors on the U of H campus
recently. He was small for a football player but I hope they
win.” – Graham Brown
Hawaii. “The Warriors finally get to travel and enjoy it.” – Dave
Knopick
Yoshioka’s Fiesta
Oklahoma 54
West Virginia 16
West Virginia 48
Oklahoma 28
WVU. “Unless Oklahoma is White hot.” – Tom Goodale
OU. “Oklahoma is BEST team in nation!” – Henry Eisenhart
Sooners. “Big Least shows weakness again.” – Dave Rockefeller
WV. “Screw Oklahoma City who want to take the Sonics [from
Seattle].” – Mark Greenig
OU. “I did not learn from last year.” – Dave Knopick
Knopick’s Orange
Virginia Tech 45
Kansas 25
Kansas 24
Virginia Tech 21
Hokies. “Just because of their name.” – Ron McCarville
VT. “Kansas has not beaten anyone this year.” – Dave Knopick
E. Havitz’s International
Rutgers 57
Ball State 13
Rutgers 52
Ball U 30
Rutgers. “History has made me a cynic and this pick completes
it. I am picking against all of my schools. My Cardinals are
loveable losers.” – Kindal Shores
Rutgers. “Stop, drop and Roehl.” – Dave Knopick
Doc Bruce’s GMAC
Tulsa 47
Bowling Green 23
Tulsa 63
Bowling Green 7
Tulsa. “Three Oklahoma teams are a charm!” – Dave Knopick
Tulsa. “Golden Hurricane blows, but falcons suck!” – TAMU
Knopick
Van Doren’s
BCS Title Game
LSU 43
Ohio State 27
LSU 38
OSU 24
LSU. “OSU skunked again by SEC.” – Steve Holland
Les St U. “Geaux Tigers!” – Brett Wright
LSU. “Winners as usual in these mismatched bowl game. –
Leslie Furr
OSU. “LSU’s home field?” – Dave Bowyer
“Tie – these teams bite! Unbelievably depressing to have to pick
one of these two teams. I take the loss in the mythical
championship game! If Mutter doesn’t beat me this year he
really does suck!” – Dave Knopick
Conference performances in the bowls (by winning percentage): Mountain West moves up to Number 1!
1. Mountain West
2. SEC
2. PAC 10
4. Big 12
5. Big East
4-1
7-2
4-2
5-3
3-2
6. CUSA
7. Big 10
8T. WAC
8T. ACC
10T. Sun Belt
3-3
3-5
1-3
2-6
0-1
10T. Independents 0-1
12. MAC
0-3
The Mountain West moved from #2 to #1, and the SEC
largely lived up to its press clippings. The PAC 10 also
made good strides, but the MAC collapsed!
.
Famous FHPB Tiebreakers
Famous FHBP
Tie Breaker 1
Source of Kaiser’s
tattoos
Correct Answer: “D” for squash ball
imprints from Ian Reid’s serves
43 of the 70 entrants correctly recognized
the source of these “tattoos”
Famous FHBP
Tie Breaker 2
Kaiser’s two
famous grads
Correct Answer: “D” for Sharon
Kelly and “M” for Leslie Furr
6 entrants got both right, 23 got one of the
two (usually Sharon).
Famous FHBP
Tie Breaker 3
Kaiser’s
elementary school
Correct Answer: “Q” for
St. Ignatius School
Famous FHBP
Tie Breaker 4
Kaiser’s favourite
canoeing river
Correct Answer: “B” for the Au
Sable (from Grayling to Mio)
Kaiser was so excited remembering this that he
sent a travelogue on the topic! (available from
Mark Havitz upon request)
Famous FHBP
Tie Breaker 5
Number of points
scored by Alpena
Correct Answer: The Wildcats
put up 68 points on January 4
Correctly/exactly picked by Luke Potwarka, Gail
& Dean VanderStoep and Brenda Bigley!
8 entrants (mostly Catholics, go figure) surmised this
correct response.
2007/2008 FHBP Final Standings (Categories named for top finisher therein)
Amateur entrants noted with “A” (includes intentional amateurs and those who forgot to pay)
The Big “E” Bulldogs 25 wins, 7 losses
1. Thomas Eisenhart
Georgia Southern undergrad
13 straight wins in middle bowls built an
insurmountable lead for cocky rookie
2. Eric The Beaver Bohard
Old Ag, Oregon planner
Picked last 12 games same as Eisenhart
3. Randy Virden
Fake Ag, ASU faculty
Picked last 5 games same as Eisenhart
4. Andrew Kerins
Old Ag, Illini grad student
Picked last 12 games same as Eisenhart
5. Tom Goodale
Blissfully retired GMU faculty
Rules the tiebreaker categories
6. Doug Kleiber
Old teasip, UGA faculty
Pondering retirement with Goodale
7. Kindal Shores “A”
Old Ag, ECU faculty
Edges Kaczynski on tiebreaker 2
8. Andy Kaczynski
Old Ag, Waterloo graduate
Edges old Eisenhart on tiebreaker 5
9. Henry Eisenhart
Old Lobo, GSU faculty
Edges young Pritchard on tiebreaker 5
10. Mark Pritchard “A”
Old Duck, CWU faculty
Edges Karp on tiebreaker 1
11. Brian Karp (paid up for 10 years)
Old Ag, CA insurance guru
Foregoes tiebreakers, pays dearly
Beavers 24 wins, 8 losses
AARP Retirees 23 wins, 9 losses
Stengaleeze English Majors 22 wins, 10 losses
12. Luke Potwarka
Waterloo grad student
Rules the tiebreaker categories
13. Carl Yoshioka
Old, Duck, ASU faculty
Beats Mutter on tiebreaker 2
14. Ozark Mark Morgan “A”
Old Ag, Mizzou faculty
Beats Rockefeller on tiebreaker 2
15. Dave Rockefeller
Old Ag, US Army employee
Beats Mutter on tiebreaker 4
16. The Great Larry Mutter
Old Ag, Florida teacher
Beats Bee on tiebreaker 5
17. Colleen Bee “A”
Old Duck, San Diego faculty
Dates GL Comet, loses tiebreaker touch
2007/2008 FHBP Final Standings Continued
Gators 21 wins, 11 losses
18. Steve “The Gator” Holland
Old Ag, UF faculty
Chomps VanderStoeps on tiebreaker
1
19. Gail & Dean (Dad) Vanderstoep
Old Ag, MSU faculty & Dad
Edge Nanette on tiebreaker 5
20. Nanette Eisenhart
Mother of Champions
Only off by 65 points on tiebreaker 5
Jersey Boys 20 wins, 12 losses
21. Wes Roehl
Old Ag, Temple faculty
Aces tiebreakers 1, 2 and 4
22. Dr. Bruce Wicks
Old Ag, Illini faculty
Edges Brown on tiebreaker 5
23. Graham Brown “A”
Old Ag, USA faculty
Last human to beat all animals in 2007
24. Amelia Kelly
Cat
Top critter honors for 2007
25. Katie Bigley
College of Charleston undergrad
Top Bigley in 2007
26. Moose Kerins
Black Labrador Retriever
Aced Bill Stewart’s Nature and American
Culture course according to Andrew
27. Dan Rockefeller
Junior high school student
Knows football, must practice tiebreakers
28. Emily Eisenhart
Old Bulldog
Last finisher of overachieving family
29. Bill Stewart “A”
Illini faculty
Bill demonstrates uncanny tiebreaker skill
30. Steve Olson
Old Ag, Maryland aquarium guy
Steve edges Bigley on tiebreaker 1
31. Jim Bigley
Old Ag, GSU faculty
Jim’s love of Madonna costs him dearly
32. Myron Floyd “A”
Old Ag, NCSU faculty
Myron edges Sharon on tiebreaker 5
33. Sharon Kelly
Old Ag, New York lawyer
Sharon edges Kathy on tiebreaker 5
34. Kath Pritchard “A”
Washington mom of 2 + big dog
(not referring to Mark here)
Picks no tiebreakers, but better looking
than Lowell
35. Lowell Williamson
Waterloo staff
Picks no tiebreakers; wanted a shoot out
36. John Crompton “A”
Old Ag, TAMU faculty
Random picks: 1-2-1-2-1-2-1-2 as usual
37. Mark Havitz
Old Ag, Waterloo faculty
Cheats on tiebreakers with insider info
38. Ron Kaiser
TAMU faculty
Forgot Les Furr or would have beat Havitz
39. Carlton Van Doren “A”
Blissfully retired Ag faculty
Edges Backman on tiebreaker 3
40. Ken Backman “A”
Old Ag, Clemson faculty
Threatens Van “I know where you live!”
41. Brett Wright
Old Ag, Clemson faculty
Third of 3 straight South Carolina guys
42. Buster Greenig “A”
Very old Norwegian Elkhound
Edges Fridgen on tiebreaker 2
43. Joe Fridgen
ECU faculty
Michigan guy edges Matt on tiebreaker 4
44. Matt Olson
Junior high student
Edges Amy on tiebreaker 1
45. Amy Bigley
UGA graduate
Takes Gramann on tiebreaker 2
46. Jim Gramann “A”
TAMU faculty
Answers “!@” for tiebreaker 2
47. Leslie Furr
Old Ag, GSU faculty
Claims Kaiser “has no famous grads”
Fightin’ Illini 19 wins, 13 losses
Spartans 18 wins, 14 losses
2007/2008 FHBP Final Standings Continued
Junior Beavers 17 wins, 15 losses
48. John Bohard
Student athlete
extraordinaire
Dominates tiebreaker categories
49. Kristi Montandon
Old Ag
Edges Charlie on tiebreaker 5
50. Charlie Havitz
Border Terrier
Voted nicest terrier dog in Ontario
51. Niki Havitz
High school student
Claims parents like Charlie better than her
52. Kathy Wicks
Old Ag, Illinois librarian
Went 2 for 5 on tiebreakers (but got the
first two right)
53. Jill Bowyer
Old Ag, Indiana
recreation professional
“Les” research than Kathy costs Jill on
tiebreaker 2
54. Bandit MacKay & The Gopher
Cat
Edged by good Catholic girl Jill on
tiebreaker 2
Old Ag, Washington
planner
Totally dominates this category. No need
for tiebreakers!
Jersey Girls 16 wins, 16 losses
Spotted Owls 15 wins, 17 losses
55. Mark Greenig “A”
Maritimers 14 wins, 18 losses
56. Sheila Backman “A”
Old Ag, Clemson faculty
Edges Judy & Duane on tiebreaker 5
57. “Double D” Dad & Daughter
Judy Mutter & Dad Duane
Edge Ellie on tiebreaker 2
58. Ellie Havitz
Schnoodle
Voted top bunny hunter in Ontario
59. Brenda Bigley
PA native still hangin’ in GA
Awarded 2007 prize money!
60. Dave Bowyer
Indiana engineer
Edges Agrusa on tiebreaker 2
61. Jerome Agrusa “A”
Old Ag, Hawaii faculty
Tiebreakers not needed in Hawaii
62. Ron McCarville
Old Ag, Waterloo faculty
Aces tiebreakers 1 and 2
63. Ziggy Rockefeller
Exuberant Puppy Dog
Lost to McCarville on tiebreaker 2
64. Brian Hay “A”
Old Ag, blissfully retired
Tiebreakers not needed in Scotland
More Maritimers 13 wins, 19 losses
Still More Maritimers 12 wins, 20 losses
65. Kelly MacKay
Old Ag, Manitoba faculty
Edged Knopick on tiebreaker 1
66. Dave Knopick
Old Ag, Kansas planner
Wishes he’d seen Bonnickson’s moon
Still More and More Maritimers (geez Louise!) 11 wins, 21 losses
67. Ian Reid
Old Ag, UNB faculty
Aces tiebreakers 1 and 2
68. TAMU Knopick
Deceased cat
RIP TAMU
69. Sue Havitz
Ontario medical secretary
Still my favourite entrant!
Bulldogs with Rabies 9 wins, 23 losses
70. Larry Stalcup
Old Boiler, GSU faculty
Les Furr’s latest recruit doesn’t pan out
Some 2007 No-Shows: David Botterill, Frédéric Dimanche, Chris Edginton, Dan Funk, Dan Howard, Denny Howard,
Lin Howard, Tim Howard, Dave Loomis Jr., Dave Loomis Sr., Rosemary Loomis, Steve Mathison Bowie, Pat “I’m retired
from the FHBP” Stokowski, and Marguerite Van Dyke.
Parting Shots for 2007/2008!
Future Attraction*: An exciting weekend of
fun, fellowship, sightseeing and college
football action featuring Michigan State
(GO GREEN!) vs. Texas A&M (WHOOP!)
on September 10, 2011, East Lansing, MI.
Your Host: Mark Havitz (more details will
be forthcoming over the next three years).
Caterer: Dr. Bruce Wicks, the Brisket Man
(yet to be confirmed but personnel from the
FHBP’s Jersey and Sicily offices are
“working on him”)! He remains sceptical!
Already booked: Jill & Dave Bowyer, Tom
Goodale, Brian & Debra Karp; Ron, Marcia
and Michael McCarville; Mark & Sue (and
Niki, if available) Havitz
From Enquirer cub reporter Andy Kaczynski: “This
is a picture of a ‘win tickets’ game at Bingeman’s
Funworx [Theme Park] in Kitchener, Ontario. That
Crompton - so enterprising!”
Please mark this date in your calendar and
make plans to join your Aggie and Spartan
friends for what promises to be a
memorable weekend! Ducks, Beavers,
Sooners and even teasips are welcome!
* We think this is actually happening as it
was in the A&M Football “Future Schedules”
page for several years. It’s not there now,
but that’s because they have suddenly
started reporting only 2 years in advance.
Our reporters are on the trail. Stay tuned!
Mark Pritchard’s Roving Eye Report
Loser Havitz finally held to account
After all those years of sledging Big Blue, Young Sparty Havitz will
finally be held to account. His penance for One too many Slams is to
wear a Michigan “Hair” shirt till next season. Wins by the Oregon
Ducks & other unknowns against the Wolverines made his condition
(blind devotion to MSU) all the more pitiable, yet unforgivable.
Perhaps a year of reflection will bring a kinder, gentler demeanor.
odds are he won’t change his spots, but donning the shirt for a year
may cause his chest hair to fade from green to blue.*
Howard to collect shorts from former grad student
Debt collection reached a new low on the FHBP Tour yesterday
when Dennis Howard was awarded custody of his former OSU
grad’s (Dan Funk) shorts for failure to pay his $1. Funk reneged on
his contribution to the Howard winnings and was too distraught at
losing his Buckeye shorts to be interviewed. These are sobering
times, with stiff penalties, better (bettor?) beware.
* We must admit, that is one hellaciously handsome shirt (in a court jester sort of way)! We’ll see Y’all next year!