August 2014 - Marathon Maniacs

Volume 11, Number 8
NEWSLETTER CONTENTS
Half Fanatics
2
Social Networking
4
Chasing Windmills
6
Marathon Maniacs Book
8
Marathon Maniac Pacing Team
9
Maniac Poll
11
2015 Maniac Renuion
12
Report from Insane Alsyum
13
Promotions
14
Maniac Levels
14
Calendar
15
New Maniacs
16
Note from the Editor
17
Discounts
18
Rhetorical Revelations
from “The Rev”
19
Marsha and Elizabeth
April Hayes, Marathon Mitch and Stacy Palmer
Jen Savage was a part of a that
broke the record for most people
running the in a 24 hour relay!
HALF-M AR ATHON CR AZY
Leslie Mueca
Stephen Massey
Teresa Harmon
Marathon
Maniacs
running half
marathons…
YES, it’s true!
Tired of running marathons and ultras (HA!!)? Need to
back down on that weekly mileage and concentrate on
getting faster? Then join the Half Fanatics
(halffanatics.com). There are currently over 7000+
members in the Fanatic Asylum, and I’m sure you’ll
recognize a few names in the group. So jump on the
bandwagon now, get your qualifying races in and join
this new, zany group!
www.halffanatics.com
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
Half Fanatics at the Narragansett Bay Half Marathon
2
Andrea Spohn
Karen Redmond and Lisa Davis
Angie Whitworth Pace and Rich Pye
Terri Menghini
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
3
David Englund and Ethel Marie Kitching
Rita Felicia De Palma with the Main Maniacs
FACEBOOK:
Marathon Maniac page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Marathon-Maniacs/144969288167
Marathon Maniacs group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/marathonmaniacs/
INSTRAGRAM:
@marathonmaniacs - http://instagram.com/marathonmaniacs
TWITTER:
@mainmaniacs - http://twitter.com/mainmaniacs
MY SPACE:
http://www.myspace.com/marathonmaniacs
LINKED IN:
http://www.linkedin.com/e/vgh/1843119
DAILY MILE:
http://www.dailymile.com/groups/1403-marathon-maniacs
Across all social networks use the hash tag:
#marathonmaniacs
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
4
Amy Meyer
Les Omura and Brad Davis
Steve and Cindy
Ron Frederick
Larry Wasson
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
Julia and Michelle
5
Hi Tracy!
Jim Collins and Alexis Davidson
Dean, Chris and Steven
CHASING WINDMILLS
DAVID KNAPP (MM#91)
To celebrate turning 50 years old in 2014, Denver-based
entrepreneur and marathoner David D. Knapp, Ph.D. is running 50
full marathons during the 2014 calendar year as a fundraiser for
the Colorado Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association.
Dr. Knapp – who lost his mother to Alzheimer’s in 2001 – is
hoping to raise at least $50,000 during the year-long marathon
quest to help find a cure for the disease, which currently affects
over 5 million Americans. And barring a medical breakthrough to
prevent, slow, or stop the disease, that number will nearly triple
by the year 2050 due to this nation’s aging population.
Dr. Knapp’s official donations page is http://act.alz.org/goto/DavidKnapp
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
6
Marsha White
Marlon Onco
Sha Na
Sandy and Barco
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
7
Amy Meyer
Heather
Abbi
The Marathon Maniacs have released a book!
This book is collection of stories by members of the Marathon Maniacs.
These stories are sure to be encouraging and motivation to current and
future members. The book was edited by Maniac Malcolm Anderson
author of the book “The Messengers”.
Be sure to get your copy of the book and enjoy the
stories of the World’s Most Insane Running Club!
http://www.databarevents.com/store/product/101/Marathon-Maniacs-Book
Autographed Copy:
http://www.databarevents.com/store/product/103/Autographed-MM-Book
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
8
The Official Marathon Maniac Pace Teams
Did you know the Marathon Maniacs
have an official pace team?
Since
Maniacs are no stranger to running 26.2
miles many of you are good running these
runs.
There are many great reasons to join the
pace team and many rewarding aspects to
being a pacer.
Requirements to be a Pacer
•
•
•
•
•
Must have completed 15 marathons for your desired distance to pace
Marathon Pacer: Must have completed the marathon distance 20 minutes faster than your pace
time for the full marathon (example: to pace a 4:00 hour you must have run a 3:40 marathon)
To be in good standing with the Marathon Maniacs and all dues current
Have your MM race page updated so that we can link your information
CPR Certification by event date-please contact your local fire department for a FREE class
Pacer Perks
•
•
•
•
•
•
Free to join!
Waived entry fee
Sublimated Pace Shirts
A chance to carry the coveted maniac cat pace sign
Discounts on lodging when applicable
Fun pacing runners to their goal finish time
Best of luck to you securing your spot on the pace team!
For more information on which races we are looking for pacers and on getting signed up
please visit:
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com/marathon-maniacs/pacer-team
Marathon Maniac Pacing Coordinator: Sabrina Seher (MM #3397)
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
9
Charli Long
Luisa King
Leah Piper
Mitch and Robert
Mic
David
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
Denis and Nancy
10
Terri Menghini
Lorelei Sadowski
Andy Bowden
Each month there will be a “Maniac poll”. This poll will be posted online. Please
take a few moments to answer this poll. I will post the results in the next
newsletter.
This month’s question: Do you lift weights as a way of cross training?
Please vote online between now and October 31: http://tinyurl.com/MMpoll2014g
Last month’s question: How fast
is your marathon personal
record?
To most Maniacs have run a
marathon personal record (PR)
between 3:01-4:30.
Thanks for voting!
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
11
MARATHON MANIACS 2015
Mississippi Blues Marathon
JANUARY 10, 2015 • JACKSON, MISSISSIPPI
Join fellow Marathon Maniacs in Jackson, Mississippi in January for the 9th
annual reunion. The Maniacs will return to the Southeast for this reunion to
be filled with southern blues and plenty of red, yellow and black. Maniacs
participating will be able to enjoy many added benefits not found in other
marathons. Stay tuned for more details. In the mean time be sure to register
and join the fun!
BONUS: Back 2 Back Challenge • First Light Marathon
As an added bonus, join dozens of Maniacs and run the First Light Marathon
in Mobile, Alabama on January 11, 2015 and grab 4 stars!
The Marathon Maniacs Hood to Coast Team!
Eddie Vega
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
Bob Dolphin
12
Robert (aka Stevie Ray)
Bill
Jim Boyd
Sabrina
The following is a statistical update on the growth of the Marathon Maniacs. It may not mean much to you, but I find it very interesting.
Monthly Growth
Month
►
Averages ►
Record
►
Jan
70.2
212
Feb
50.4
101
Mar
63.7
170
Apr
55.8
138
May
86.7
212
Jun
66.7
147
Jul
44.7
101
Aug
26.4
56
Sep
32.3
73
Oct
87.2
257
Nov
106.3
334
Dec
97.1
223
Yearly
765.6
1,994
2013
►
212
95
170
138
212
133
91
56
73
257
334
223
1,994
2014
►
225
177
189
137
249
175
81
52
-
-
-
-
1,285
New Maniacs in August 2014
52
New Maniacs in 2014
1,285
Total Maniacs
9,707
The average Maniac has run 23
marathons and 3 ultras.
Women average 21 marathons/ultras
compared to men who average 32
marathons/ultras.
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
State
Washington
California
Texas
Illinois
Florida
New York
Oklahoma
Virginia
Georgia
Oregon
Ohio
MM
1,140
763
676
355
354
306
288
263
236
208
206
Pct%
11.7%
7.9%
7.0%
3.7%
3.6%
3.2%
3.0%
2.7%
2.4%
2.1%
2.1%
13
If you reached a higher Maniac level and want the recognition in the Newsletter Please fill out this form: http://tinyurl.com/MMupgrade
Titanium (10 star) Maniac: Andy Bowden
New
Titanium
Maniacs!!
 Platinum (8 star) Maniac: None
 Palladium (7 star) Maniac: Mary Albrecht, Dan Ruiz
 Osmium (6 star) Maniac: Karl Leitz, Pete Bysura
Ruthenium (5 star) Maniac: Tim Mullican
Iridium (4 star) Maniac: None
 Gold (3 star) Maniac: Eddy Angkawibawa
Silver (2 star) Maniac: Michelle Hille, Lara Owczarski
Andy Bowden
MARATHON MANIAC LEVELS
One Star (Bronze)
• 2 Marathons within a 16 day time frame.
• 3 Marathons within a 90 day time frame.
Two Stars (Silver)
• 3 Marathons within a 16 day time frame.
• 6 Marathons in 6 consecutive calendar months.
• 8 - 11 Marathons within 365 days.
Three Stars (Gold)
• 4 Marathons within 37 days.
• 12 - 18 Marathons within 365 days.
• 4 Marathons in 4 different US states, Countries or Canadian
Provinces (any combination) 51 days.
Four Stars (Iridium)
• 4 Marathons in 23 days.
• 19 - 25 Marathons within 365 days.
• 2 Marathons in 2 days (or 48 hours) must finish both races!
• 9 Marathons in 9 different US states, Countries, or Canadian
Provinces (any combination) within 365 days.
Five Stars (Ruthenium)
• 3 Marathons within 3 days.
• 26 - 30 Marathons within 365 days.
• 4 Marathons within a 9 day window.
• 3 Marathons in 3 separate US states, Countries, or Canadian
Provinces (any combination) within a 10-day time span.
• 13 Marathons in 13 different US states, Countries, or
Canadian Provinces (any combination) within 365 days.
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
Six Stars (Osmium)
• 31 - 37 Marathons within 365 days.
• 16 Marathon in 16 different US states, Countries, or Canadian
Provinces (any combination) within 365 days.
• 6 Marathons within 16 days.
• 4 Marathons in 4 days = QUADZILLA.
Seven Stars (Palladium)
• 38 - 44 Marathons within 365 days.
• 20 Marathons in 20 US states, Countries, or Canadian Provinces
(any combination) within 365 days
• 13 Marathons within 79 days.
Eight Stars (Platinum)
• 45 - 51 Marathons within 365 days.
• 23 Marathons in 23 US states, Countries, or Canadian Provinces
(any combination) within 365 days.
• 28 Marathons within 183 days.
Nine Stars - Unobtainable
Ten Stars (Titanium)
• 52 Marathons or more within 365 days.
• 30 Marathons in 30 US states, Countries, or Canadian Provinces
(any combination) within 365 days.
• 20 Countries within 365 days.
Are You Shooting For More
Stars? You Can Do It!
14
Marathon/Ultra Calendar between September 22-October 18
Monday, September 22
Altis GAP Trestles Marathon (PA)
Andes Mountain Trail Run (PER)
Tuesday, September 23
Altis Barnum Rail Trails Marathon (WV)
Wednesday, September 24
Altis GAP Marathon (MD)
Thursday, September 25
Altis Cross Country Trail Marathon (VA)
Friday, September 26
Altis C&O Canal Towpath Marathon (DC)
Bear 100 Mile Endurance Run (UT)
Saturday, September 27
Adams County Marathon (OH)
Akron Marathon (OH)
Bear Chase 100k/50m/50k (CO)
Belmead Trail Fest 50m/50k/26.2 (VA)
Birkie Trail Run (WI)
Blood Run at the Good Earth Farm 12h/6h (SD)
Bob Ardrey Marathon (KS)
Cle Elum Ridge 50k (WA)
Darlington Marathon (SC)
Driftless Marathon (WI)
Evergreen Tehaleh Marathon (WA)
Fat Glass 50k (WA)
FlatRock 50k (KS)
Georgia Jewel 100m/50m/35m (GA)
Germantown 50k (OH)
Grand Lake Marathon (OH)
Hamptons Marathon (NY)
Hinson Lake 24 Hour Ultra Classic (NC)
Hungerford Games 50m/26.2 (MI)
Huntsville Marathon (UT)
Layton Marathon (UT)
Lost Loop 50k (TX)
Mill Race Marathon (IN)
Mountain Lakes 100 (OR)
Mt Taylor 50k (NM)
Not Yo Momma's 100m/100k/75k/50k (OH)
Platte Valley Companies Monument Marathon (NE)
Priest Lake 50k/26.2 (ID)
Run Around the World 24h/12h/6h/27m (TN)
Run From the Ducks 8h (TX)
Sac River Races 50k/26.2 (CA)
Saddleback Mountain Goat Marathon (CA)
Sault International Marathon (MI)
Self-Transcendence Ultra Classic 24h/12h/6h (ON)
Sri Chinmoy Self Transcendence 24h/12h/6h (ON)
XTERRA Brazil Tiradentes (BRA)
Sunday, September 28
Adirondack Marathon (NY)
Basel Marathon (CHE)
Bellingham Bay Marathon (WA)
Berlin Marathon (DEU)
Clarence DeMar Marathon (NH)
HC Andersen Marathon (DNK)
Idaho Wine Run (ID)
Ironman Chattanooga (TN)
Kenai River Marathon (AK)
Loch Ness Marathon (GBR)
Marathon Oasis de Montréal (Rock N Roll Montreal) (QC)
Quad Cities Marathon (IL)
Sloppy Cuckoo 12 Hour Challenge (PA)
Tri Town Community Marathon (IN)
Yonkers Marathon (NY)
Friday, October 3
Grindstone 100 (VA)
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
Saturday, October 4
Arkansas Marathon (AR)
Arkansas Traveller (AR)
Baker Lake 50k (WA)
Cloudsplitter 100m/100k/50k (KY)
Freedoms Run (WV)
Leavenworth Oktoberfest Marathon (WA)
New Hampshire Marathon (NH)
North Face Challenge Utah 50m/50k/26.2 (UT)
Rock/Creek StumpJump (TN)
Run for the Toad (ON)
Southern Tennessee Power Classic (TN)
St George Marathon (UT)
Swamp Rabbit Urban Ultra 50k (SC)
Weaver Basin 50k (CA)
Sunday, October 5
Atacama Crossing 250k (stage race) (CHL)
Blue Sky Trail Marathon (CO)
Blues Cruise 50k (PA)
Boulder Marathon (CO)
Bournemouth Marathon (GBR)
FATS 50k (SC)
Findlay Red White and Blue (OH)
Kosice Peace Marathon (SVK)
Maine Marathon (ME)
Milwaukee Lakefront Marathon (WI)
MO Cowbell Marathon (MO)
Nipmuck Trail Marathon (CT)
Pinnacle Ultra Challenge (NH)
Portland Marathon (OR)
Rock N Roll Lisbon (PRT)
Rockin Marathon Relay Solo Option (TN)
Run Crazy Horse (SD)
Sleeping Bear Marathon (MI)
Smuttynose Rockfest Marathon (NH)
Twin Cities Marathon (MN)
Tyler Rose Marathon (TX)
Wineglass Marathon (NY)
Sunday, October 12
24 Hours of Boulder 50k (CO)
Chicago Marathon (IL)
City of Trees Marathon (ID)
CTR Bizz Johnson 50k/26.2 (CA)
Defiance 50k (WA)
Dirty South Marathon (LA)
Glacial Trail 50m/50k (WI)
Green Mountain Marathon (VT)
HITS Oklahoma City (OK)
KL Marathon (MYS)
Long Beach Marathon (CA)
Mainly Marathons Appalachian Series Day Two (VA)
Marathon Sofia (BGR)
Maraton de Buenos Aires (ARG)
Melbourne Marathon (AUS)
Mohawk Hudson River Marathon (NY)
Munich Marathon (Munchen Marathon) (DEU)
Mystery Mountain Marathon (GA)
Northern Ohio Marathon (OH)
Okanagan Marathon (BC)
Pouslbo Marathon (WA)
Prairie Fire Marathon (KS)
Saint Bronislava Marathon (WI)
Spokane Marathon (WA)
Steamtown Marathon (PA)
T.O.T. 50k (MO)
Towpath Marathon (OH)
Trapline Marathon (NF)
UnitedHealthcare Newport Marathon (RI)
Valley Harvest Marathon 50k/26.2 (NS)
Victoria Marathon (BC)
Walla Walla Marathon (WA)
Wild Life Marathon (MI)
XTERRA Marathon of Trail Races (CO)
Yorkshire Marathon (GBR)
Monday, October 13
Mainly Marathons Appalachian Series Day Three (NC)
Wednesday, October 8
Jungle Marathon (BRA)
Tuesday, October 14
Mainly Marathons Appalachian Series Day Four (SC)
Saturday, October 11
24 Hours of Boulder 24h/100m/100k/6h (CO)
Bemidji Blue Ox Marathon (MN)
Bromont Ultra 100m/50m/50k (QC)
Can Lake 50m/50k (NY)
Canyon De Chelly 55k (AZ)
Dick Collins Firetrails 50m and Golden Hills Trail Marathon (CA)
Escalante Canyons Marathon (UT)
Farmdale Trail Run 50m/30m (IL)
Gandy Dancer Trail Marathon (WI)
Hartford Marathon (CT)
Ironman World Championship (HI)
John Holmes 50k (FL)
Le Grizz (MT)
Mainly Marathons Appalachian Series Day One (WV)
Market to Market 50k (NE)
New River Trail 50k (VA)
Oil Creek 100m/100k/50k (PA)
Prairie State Marathon (IL)
Putrajaya Night Marathon (MYS)
Rail Run 100 (MI)
Southernmost Marathon (FL)
Stone Bridge Marathon (IL)
Tesla Hertz Run 100m/100k/50m/50k (NY)
WhistleStop Marathon (WI)
Wednesday, October 15
Mainly Marathons Appalachian Series Day Five (GA)
Friday, October 17
Pony Express 100m/50m (UT)
Saturday, October 18
Aravaipa Cave Creek Thriller (AZ)
Baltimore Running Festival (MD)
Crazy Owl Marathon (TN)
CTR Coyote Ridge 50k/26.2 (CA)
Des Plaines River Trail 50m/26.2 (IL)
Dog Lake Marathon (WA)
East Kentucky Marathon (KY)
Forest Glen Trail Run (IL)
Frankenthon Monster Marathon (TX)
Greensboro Marathon (NC)
Hayden Lake Marathon (ID)
Indianapolis Marathon (IN)
Kansas City Marathon (MO)
Las Vegas Ultra Marathon 100m/100k/50k (NV)
Medoc Trail Marathon (NC)
Monster Mash Marathon (DE)
Palo Duro 50m/50k (TX)
Pumpkin Holler Hunnerd 100m/100k/50k (OK)
Rainshadow Oregon Coast 50k (OR)
Rip 51 SRRA Trail Ultra 51k (SK)
SoJo Marathon (UT)
Ultra Trail Lago d'Orta 87k/55k (ITA)
WC-50 Ultra Trail Marathon 50m/50k (NC)
Whistler 50 (BC)
Wild Duluth 100k/50k (MN)
15
Adriana Lopez (#9656)
Roger Andersson (#9657)
Isabel Escobar (#9658)
Michelle Morris (#9659)
Adam Gartner (#9660)
Kim Jones (#9661)
Jose Eduardo Motta Garcia (#9662)
Jeff Kirwin (#9663)
William Rush (#9664)
Anthony Martin (#9665)
Wendie Swirski (#9666)
Andrew Kochera (#9667)
Margaret Seibert (#9668)
Leslie Thompson (#9669)
Valerie Kenney
Monica Cacioppo (#9670)
Kristin Rapp (#9671)
Melanie Zeigler Dickman (#9672)
Mike Thessman (#9673)
Daniel duToit (#9674)
Josh Magruder (#9675)
Mihaela Mann (#9676)
Albert Ruiz (#9677)
Heather Monahan (#9678)
Mia Nease (#9679)
Melissa Balthaser (#9680)
Cheryl Bryll (aka Shelly) (#9681)
Sandy MacRae (#9682)
Jackie Lindon (#9683)
Victoria Grozin (#9684)
Carleen Coulter (#9685)
Brad Beall (#9686)
Karl Studtmann (#9687)
Andrew Becker (#9688)
Nasa Zaidul
Sara Wendt (#9689)
Gina Denten (#9690)
Timothy Atwill (#9691)
Matthew Fisher (#9692)
Kelly Eid (#9693)
Juli Johnson (#9694)
Mariah Summers (#9695)
Nasa Zaidul (#9696)
Paul Cagle (#9697)
Richard Kernes (#9698)
Roy Calimlim (#9699)
James Gerdts (#9700)
LaRee Johnson (#9701)
Katie Solina (#9702)
Shaun Steele (#9703)
Ashok Arora (#9704)
Angela Treleven Persich (#9705)
Bob Laws (#9706)
Eric King (#9707)
Jose Eduardo Motta Garcia
Adam Gartner
Albert Ruiz
Mihaela Mann
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
Angela Treleven
16
Marie and Deb
Gilberto Sosa
Jon Mahoney
Where does Eddie fill his gas tank?
Marathon Gas of course!
Shane and Julia
FROM THE EDITOR…
Summer is just about over. How busy is your Fall running schedule going to be?
I’m traveling all over the country in pursuit of my 50 states. Hopefully I’ll see
many of you there! No matter what your plans by be, I hope you have a fun
and healthy autumn!
Robert Bondurant and Steve Walters
Happy Running!
- Steve “Marathon Freak” Walters MM#338
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
17
Jeff “Boneman” Bollman (#1058)
New discounts that have a ** in front of the race name and don’t forget about the Maniac discounts at Running Skirts
www.runningskirts.com ; The Running Warehouse www.runningwarehouse.com for all your non-Maniac branded apparel and shoe
needs; and at TRY Chips www.trychips.com for your healthy snacking needs.
• Altis Cross County Trail Marathon (VA) 9/25/14:
http://altisendurance.com/events/cross-county-trail-marathon-and-half-marathon
• Adams County Marathon (OH) 9/27/14: www.adamscountytravel.org/Adams-County-Half-Marathon.shtml
• Darlington Marathon (SC) 9/27/14: www.darlingtonmarathon.com
• Priest Lake 50k/26.2 (ID) 9/27/14: www.databarevents.com/priestlakemarathon
• Arkansas Marathon 10/4/14: www.arkansasmarathon.org
• New Hampshire Marathon 10/4/14: www.themadmarathon.com
• Crazy Horse Marathon (SD) 10/5/14: www.runcrazyhorse.com
• Hartford Marathon (CT) 10/11/14: www.hartfordmarathon.com
• Southernmost Marathon (FL) 10/11/14: http://somomarathon.com
• Appalachian Series (WV, VA, NC, SC, GA) 10/11-15/2014 http://mainlymarathons.com/home/appalachian
• HITS Oklahoma City Marathon (OK) 10/12/14: www.hitsrunning.com/oklahoma-city-ok
• Newport Marathon (RI) 10/12/14: http://uhcmarathon.com
• Poulsbo Marathon (WA) 10/12/14: www.poulsbomarathon.com
• Indianapolis Marathon 10/18/14: www.indianapolismarathon.com
• Kansas City Marathon (MO) 10/18/14: http://waddellandreedkansascitymarathon.org
Elaine Green
• Des Moines Marathon (IA) 10/19/14: www.desmoinesmarathon.com
• Springfield Marathon (IL) 10/19/14: www.springfieldmarathon.net
• Autumn Leaves 50K/50M (OR) 10/25/14: www.orrc.net/races/autumnleaves/autumnleaves.htm
• Day of the Dead Series (NM) 10/27-11/2/2014: http://mainlymarathons.com/day_of_the_dead_1
• Raleigh City of Oaks Marathon (NC) 11/2/14: www.cityofoaksmarathon.com
• **New York City Trail Festival 12/6/14: www.challenge-race.com
• Mississippi Blues Marathon 1/10/15: www.msbluesmarathon.com
• First Light Marathon (AL) 1/11/15: www.firstlightmarathon.com
• Louisiana Marathon 1/18/15: www.thelouisianamarathon.com
• Maui Oceanfront Marathon 1/18/15: www.mauioceanfrontmarathon.com
• Town of Celebration Marathon (FL) 1/25/15: www.celebrationmarathon.com
• **Melbourne Music Marathon (FL) 2/1/15: www.themelbournemarathon.com
• Mercedes Marathon (AL) 2/22/15: www.mercedesmarathon.com
• **Tobacco Road Marathon (NC) 3/15/15: http://tobaccoroadmarathon.com
• **Knoxville Marathon (TN) 3/29/15: www.knoxvillemarathon.com
Details on how to obtain the discount/perk are in the Discount section of the Bulletin Board on the Maniac web site. I post
new ones on the Bulletin Board as the details are finalized, so keep an eye out. If you have any questions, shoot me an email
at: [email protected]
PLEASE RENEW YOUR ANNUAL MANIAC DUES (ON YOUR MANIAC BIRTHDAY)
YOUR DUES HELP MAINTAIN THE CLUB AND KEEP THE COVETED MANIAC GEAR IN STOCK!!
A REMINDER IS SENT WITH THE MONTHLY E-FLASH
AND SOME OF YOU ARE OVERDUE!!
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
18
RHETORICAL REVELATIONS AND W(RITES)…
FROM THE RAMBUNCTIOUS REV
Hiya Prez!
You haven’t been overweight a day in your life. But you know people who know people, and so sooner or
later people are going to ask Mr. Prez for his secrets about his stupendous marathon running secrets, which
sooner or later has to lead to the question of weight control, and you can’t just stand there and say, “Have
my Mom and Dad for parents,” so I thought I’d give you tips that you can tell people so you look way
smarter about this than you are, because I know you haven’t been reading weight loss articles. Shoot,
that’d be as unnecessary as… as… well, as me reading get smarter artikles.
But I’ve learned boatloads about this topic, Mr. Prez, ever since I set my PR and then mistakenly celebrated with a bit too much root beer and ice
cream for the rest of that decade.
I needed to read those weight loss articles, but sadly these say same the same stuff over and over: eat blueberries, almonds, broccoli, and juice your
kale. Juice your kale? What’s a kale? I supposed it was one of those items one walks right past in them Whole Food Stores or something. So I asked
Slug. Turns out she knows recipes that include juicing her kale. That Slug sure is smart.
Well, I tried the juicing bit, and a whole bunch of other ideas, and now, Mr. Prez, I’m going to do you the favor of ghost-writing your “Yee’s Tips for
Losing Weight.” You can pass ‘em out anytime you’re on the lecture circuit as if they’re your own, really. What’re friends for, right? Here we go:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
Always always always always weigh yourself the first time in just running clothes, including Hokas.
Start an exercise program, like swimming. After a day of that, switch exercise programs to something less life-threatening, like bicycling.
After two days of sticking to your bicycling routine, switch it up again. Varying your exercise routine exercises various muscles, and your
bottom will thank you.
So now you are joining a gym. Find one with a three day free-trial period. After three days of lugging weights all every which way and
adjusting the sweaty seats, you’ll realize you hurt your back. But with Yee’s Tip, you can never go back for free, and no poorly paid stranger
sales guy has your voided check with your checking account number on it, which is just prudent is all I’m saying. Besides, if you add it all up
so far, you’ve already gotten six days of various exercising DONE! Not bad at all.
Now, the mirror may not be reflecting all those ounces you’ve dropped so far, so the conclusion settles in: we must adjust, however
sensibly, our eating. Yes yes yes. Bye bye, precious barbeque potato chips. And no fooling yourself that “baked” chips are okay. “Fat free”
labels? Ha. “Diet” sodas? Yeah, sure, make it seem like the pizza will just slide by unnoticed in the “diet”. Nope. We really have to c-h-a-n-ge what we eat. A lot. Which you cannot do “like that.” Start out slow, just keep progressing. Drop the fried food first. Then, well, food. But
right before you pass out completely, revive with a vegetable, a fruit, or a legume. (Similar to “kale”: we don’t know what it is, but legumes
are very, very good for us).
Now say your slow, long, painful good-byes to most American-style desserts (and while you’re at it, anything resembling Italian and French
pastries). What’s left? Berries, and the Chinese fortune cookie, because those, well, anybody CAN eat just one.
But the real secret is portion control. We need to eat less. That’s: less. And then? Less, until the general idea of “I’m hungry” is replaced by
“of course I’m hungry, but I am losing weight.”
To succeed at the Less piece, go get some sleep. It’s a scientific fact that if you’re sleeping, you’re probably not eating ice cream. In turn,
sleep provides much needed pep to take up your new number one sport:
Running. Four or five times a week (lighten up: seven runs a week, unless you’re on some sort of weird Maniacal streak, just doesn’t leave
any time for ligament repair, which can lead to ligament failure, which sidelines you from running, which in turn means tripling up on kale,
which we cannot recommend, not highly anyway, delicious recipes notwithstanding.) On one of those runs, go more or less as far as you
can go, without breaking some tendon or other. The other three or four runs, just stay healthy. Even a good brisk walk beats watching that
sixth must-see football game of the week. And ESPN is wrong about that “must see” phrase anyway.
Now every good list has ten points, and I have saved the best for last, Prez. Tell folks that after five to seven years of implementing the above
program, consider a friendly $200 bet with your best friend that you can lose more weight in 100 days than s/he can. Then, when you get to the
100th day, and you’re going to weigh in, do this last trick:
10. Before getting on the scale, take off the Hokas.
You’re sure to drop some weight with this program.
Luvya,
Rev
[email protected]
http://www.marathonmaniacs.com
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