Book Two - Little Gamers

Transcription

Little Gamers
Book Two
First Edition, ISBN 91-631-6453-1
Illustrated and written by Christian Fundin and Pontus Madsen.
Book layout by Christian, Spelling errors by Pontus.
Little Gamers © Christian Fundin & Pontus Madsen.
Guest characters © respective artists as noted.
Other characters © respective copyright holders.
Published by Little Gamers HB 2006.
Printed in Sweden.
Read the comic daily at www.little-gamers.com
It’s free you know.
(we love chuck)
Content
01
The Pink Sock™ cover
07
Content
08
Foreword by Fred Gallagher
10
Foreword by Kent Earle
11
Foreword by Steven Cloud
12
Foreword by Lem
15
Mr. Madsen’s new job.
39
Just some random comics
47
Keepers of the l33t “storyline”
54 Genie in a Macintosh
69
Comics, comics and comics
99
Maat fight.
115
End of the book and apologies.
118
A nifty picture-thingie.
120
Reader’s Haiku
Disclaimer: Pontus may look like Dave Grohl but he isn’t as cool.
Thank you Christian and Pontus. Thank you.
If i remember correcty, it was sometime in August that these guys asked me to write a forward to thier next
book. Part of my incentive to do so was not only the honor of gracing a page or two in this lovely little
example of why I’m surpised the US Government has not yet started restricting the sales of Illustrator in
Europe, but the fact that they gave me a free copy of the first book. :) That’s incentive enough to get most
people going to at least write something short and sweet. No one reads forewards anyways, right? It just
needed to be a little filler, shouldn’t be harder than answering an email.
Then i remembered how bad i am at answering emails.
Months went buy, with little pokes from Pontus to remember that foreward i promised i’d write for
them. It was due the first week of December, and they were really counting on me to do it. I promised
that i’d get to it, i had lots of ideas and that it’d be really swell. Then in November they even resorted
to prompting their readers to email me using a form letter. I was amazed -- they had even rallied thier
readers to gang up on me to remind me to do that foreward. I was touched at how resourceful these crazy
european guys were. Once again, i promised, i’d get it done. No worries!
The day after Christmas, i got a an email from Pontus that almost sounded like he was admiting defeat.
No! I said, i can’t allow that! I have this week off from doing Megatokyo comics! I’ll have plenty of time
to get your foreword done! It was so touching to see a glimmer of hope in his next email that maybe i
would pull through, that i wouldn’t let them down. I vowed that i’d get that foreward done that very day.
New Years eve came, and went, and this morning I got an email from Pontus telling me that they were
putting the book together today, so it was gonna be too late if i didn’t send it to them, like, immediately.
I guess I should actually get started.
I looked at all the false starts and ramblings i had worked on since August. “Those Little Gamer Guys are
Really Swell!!”, “I wish my comic was filled with potty mouthed little bastards who gave the cutest little
middle finger on the planet!” and “I’m suprised Sanrio hasn’t taken inspiration from this and come out
with a cutting edge line of ‘knocked up Hello Kitty!’ maternity stuff”, etc, etc etc...
I tend to avoid things that make my brain hurt. One of my biggest problems with writing Megatokyo
comics is that it’s hard, so i always end up avoiding it and moving to something easier. But i discovered
something while trying to write this foreward... its HARD! Writing forewards is HARD! So hard, that i
found myself avoiding it and working on writing Megatokyo comics instead because it was easier!
Wow.
So... thank you, Christian, Pontus. You have shown me that writing my own comics is not as hard as
trying to wite a foreword for a Little Gamers book. You’ve proven to that i really should feel thankful that
my job is to write comics, not forewords, because If i ever had to write forewards for a living, i’d go mad.
So thank you. You guys are awesome. I’ll never forget this (sniff)
- fredrin
PS: Oh, and by the way, can i get those Largo and Piro Little Gamers dudes in illustrator format? I just...
have an idea or two i want to try. Really. :P
a gloomy day in Michigan, USA January 3, 2006, 12:43 pm EST
Fred Gallagher draws and writes Megatokyo at www.megatokyo.com
A Foreword for the Little Gamers.
Little Gamers is an inside joke. It is something that two Swedish dudes do for themselves and they
couldn’t care less if you liked it, hated it, or even understood what they were talking about. And maybe
that is the appeal of Little Gamers. In a time when literally thousands of comics are on the internet, all
trying to make something that everyone will find funny, Little Gamers is in a class all it’s own: The I Don’t
Give a Crap class.
If they didn’t have thousands of fans visiting their site everyday, they would still be doing the same thing.
All the profits from their site go directly into making new merchandise for readers and funding their
ridiculously expensive trips to the United States to attend conventions. And let me tell you, people come
in droves to meet the infamous Christian and Madsen, the so-called rock stars of the webcomic world.
When they have made enough to break even they give their merchandise away, or post their book online
for free. In the capitalist world that we live in today Christian and Madsen are a breath of fresh air. That’s
the beauty of Little Gamers - they aren’t here to make money, they aren’t here to make something that
everyone will love, they don’t even care if you read their comic - they just do their comic because they love
it. Plain and simple.
Love it. Hate it. Read it. One love.
Kent Earle
White Ninja Comics
www.whiteninjacomics.com
There ain’t no party like a Little Gamer party because a Little Gamer
party don’t stop.
I met Christian and Pontus for the first time two years ago in San Diego. We shared the inaugural Dayfree
Press table at Comic-Con. For three days our home was two small collapsable picnic tables. During that
time we sold our t-shirts, ate crappy food and avoided awkward conversations with people dressed in
homemade Klingon costumes. Ah! That’s the stuff that makes the brotherhood of cartoonists.
Actually it sounds boring, doesn’t it? We made up for it the next year.
The following year I found myself running with Pontus and Christian to the corner store to buy a bottle
of vodka before the cut-off time so we could crash the Dumbrella party. I’m not bragging. I’m telling the
truth.
I’d like to think we’re friends now. I hope we are. They’re certainly two of the coolest, most thoughtful and
selfless people I’ve ever met. They’re artists without the pretense. You probably didn’t even buy this book.
They probably gave it to you. That’s how cool they are.
And Little-Gamers is perfect. Just looking at it will make you smile. It’s round, cute and evil in just the
right combination. This isn’t an easy balance to strike, but they do it with apparent ease.
Bastards!
I have no doubt you will enjoy this wonderful book. It’s a product of love not a clever marketing ploy.
Steven L. Cloud
Boy on a Stick and Slither
www.boasas.com
Pontus Madsen and Christian Fundin are Rockstars.
The cut of their clothes, the style of their hair, and their laid-back Scandinavian manner are carefully
refined to be Rock distilled into its purest, most intoxicating form.
You could probably crush and inhale them for a high like no other *.
*not recommended
Naturally, when Mr Madsen asked me to contribute a foreword to the SS Little-Gamers’ second illustrious
voyage into the world of print, I could hardly refuse in case I fell out of favour with these most excellent of
creators.
I’ve met Pontus and Christian quite a few times now, and they’ve been courteous, kind and helpful.
Unfortunatly I am getting perilously close to accidently mortally wounding Christian with rubber bands to
the forehead.
To find them at a convention is achieved simply by sniffing the air and following the warm welcoming
scent of alcohol and good times.
So, relax, kick off your shoes, grab a mixer from the bar (if you’re of legal age) and enjoy this second book
of hilarity, poking sticks and more Wench than is possibly healthy.
-Lem
Bunny / bunny.frozenreality.co.uk
To Jesus.
For inventing the internets.
MADSENS FIRST DAY AT HIS NEW JOB
SO WHERE IS
THE COMPUTER I
WILL USE ?
EEEH COMPUTER ?
DAMN... WHY DON’T YOU TAKE THE
DAY OFF INSTEAD ?
WELCOME !
SW33T !
SO I HEARD YOU
GOT AN 80GB HARDDRIVE
FROM YOUR OLD JOB
AS A GOING AWAY
PRESENT ?
YEAH
SWEET, HUH ?
IT'S A RATHER
NICE WAY TO SAY
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE
SO WE CAN HAVE OUR
BANDWIDTH BACK"
THEIR LOSS
ANYWAYS
HOW IS
GIVING YOU
A 80GB HDD TO GET
THEIR BANDWIDTH BACK
"THEIR LOSS" ?
WELL..
MY NEW OFFICE IS
JUST UP THE STAIRS TO
THE RIGHT..
SO..
"ALL THEIR BANDWIDTH
STILL ARE BELONG TO ME"
Madsen: So, this starts off the second book, me starting at my new job, long time ago now. Still working for ekstrabladet.dk, I think it’s time for a new job -_-;
Christian: Oh crap, one more book to fuck-up.
13
SO THIS GUY AT
WORK WALKS OVER TO
ME AND ASKS ME IF I CAN
MAKE A FULLSCREEN FLASH BANNER
TO A 145X140 GIF BANNER
I HANDED
HIM A BOTTLE
AND SAID;
HEH..
WHAT DID YOU
ANSWER ?
"OK, IF YOU
TURN THIS BOTTLE
INTO A CAR"
I·RO·NY
A. THE USE OF WORDS TO EXPRESS SOMETHING DIFFERENT FROM AND OFTEN OPPOSITE TO THEIR LITERAL MEANING.
B. AN EXPRESSION OR UTTERANCE MARKED BY A DELIBERATE CONTRAST BETWEEN APPARENT AND INTENDED MEANING.
C. A LITERARY STYLE EMPLOYING SUCH CONTRASTS FOR HUMOROUS OR RHETORICAL EFFECT. SEE SYNONYMS AT WIT1.
D. DOWNLOADING A VIRUS SCANNER THAT HAS A VIRUS.
E. AMERICA "BOMBING FOR PEACE"
DUDE..
WHY THE FSCK DID YOU
PUBLISH THAT LAME-ASS
STRIP ?
WELL, A FRIEND OF
MINE MADE IT AND I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE COOL TO THROW
IT ONLINE
14
SO IT'S NOT LIKE THIS..
YOUR FRIEND OWNS A MGS2,
AND AS A THANKS FOR YOU PUBLISHING THE
STRIP HE LET YOU PLAY IT ?
WELL..YES..
THERE ARE NAMES FOR
PEOPLE LIKE YOU
Madsen:See that “Irony” text? That right there is Christian’s -“I have a failsafe system, there will be no mistakes in this book!”.. yeah.. right
Christian: I swear it was Marcus’ fault... trust me.
DUDE…
HMM. I MIGHT AS WELL
TAKE THE CHANCE
DUDE
I THINK
I’M SICK
*FAINT*
*CRASH*
*SWIPE*
*POKE*
*POKE*
*POKE*
LEMME PUT IT LIKE THIS..
HAS HELL FROZEN OVER ?
TODAYS STRIP ! (FEB 12 2002)
1) MADSEN POKES AROUND WITH THE POKING
STICK.
2) CHRISTIAN ASKS IF HE CAN HAVE IT BACK.
3) MADSEN SAYS NOTHING AND POKES
CHRISTIAN
EHH..NO ?
OK..
THEN I'M NOT PUTTING
THIS ONLINE
EHMM..
WHAT’S THIS ?
ANOTHER LAME
SCRIPT
NO...
IT’S A LETTER
TO COMPAQ
DIE J0 MOTHA-FSCKING STOOPID COMPAQ-PPL!
AI HOPE JO GET TO FEEL THE PAIN OF A
HUUUUUGE TOTTEM-POLE SHUVVED OUP JO
ARSES... CUZ THAT’S THE FEELING I GET
EVERYDAY WHEN I HIT THE POWER-BUTTON
ON YOUR LAME-ASS COMPUTERS ! PLZ DIE
AND GIVEZ ME A REAL PC OKI THX !
Madsen: You lot probably didn’t know that, but I actually won a Nobel price in spehling.
Christian: Man, that spelling is priceless.
AND THE
NOBELPRIZE
IN SPELLING
GOES TO…
/MADSEN
15
DUDE THIS SUCKS.. LETS JUST
MAKE A "PENNY-ARCADE"-STRIP
INSTEAD
OMG..
IS THIS ANOTHER ONE
OF YOUR FSCKING
SCRIPTS ?
A "PENNY-ARCADE"-STRIP ?
EHMM..YEAH
DUDE !
DUDE !
DUDE !
YOU KNOW..
MAKE AN IMPORTANT STATEMENT
AND THEN IN THE LAST PANEL YOU JUST
THROW IN A PUNCH LINE THAT IS TOTALLY
IRRELEVANT
I GET TO
BORROW A COOLPIX5000™
FROM WORK OVER
THE WEEKEND
BY THE WAY
COOLPIX5000™
IS A DIGITAL CAMERA
RIGHT ?
WHAT ?
COOL
GIVE ME OR
I’LL CRUSH YOU
RESITANCE IS
FUTILE!
WHAT ARE YOU
ON ABOUT?
16
DUDE... !?
GIVE ME THE LEARNING
ABOUT THE ALPAHBET BITCH !
HAVE YOU
BEEN PLAYING
CIV 3 AGAIN ?
Madsen: I think that comic in the top says what we all thing when we read a penny arcade-strip when we’re having a shitty morning and can’t be bothered
reading those damn essays Tycho puts online 3 times/week
I LOVE YOUR COMIC.
IT IS SO BEST AND I WANT
TO MAKE SEX WITH ALL YOU.
/ STAN
EHMM..
WELL, I STILL
HAVEN’T RECIEVED THE PS2
FROM HEPKITTEN YET.
DAMN DUDE
IT HAS BEEN AGES SINCE
WE ORDERED IT
DUDE ?
DON'T YOU HAVE A COMIC
TO UPDATE ?
SILENCE !
I'M WORKING...
I KNOW BUT
I TRIED TO REBUILD
MY PSONE TO PS2
NAH, BUT NOW
IT MAKES TOASTS AND CAN GUIDE
SCUD MISSILES
DID IT WORK ?
WELL
WHATEVER
YOUR LOSS
Madsen: Hepkitten.. heh.. yeah, that thought me to not trust people online no more.
Christian: When he receved the PS2 and FFX and it didnt work he called me and cried... CRIED like a little BABY!
NINJA UNION
DEMAND MORE NINJA
SCREEN TIME
IN COMIC !
AND BETTER UPDATES !
AND FREE PIZZA !
17
I WAS AT THIS SUPER-COOL
PARTY LAST NIGHT..
I MEAN, EVERYONE
WHO'S ANYONE WAS THERE..
IT WAS SOOOOOO COOL..
OH..
WHO WAS THERE ?
WELL..
ME, MARCUS, INCREDIBLE HULT,
THE NINJAS, MY GF, THE P-A DUDES AND
THE DUDE FROM FORUM REGS..
AND WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU ?
I WASN'T THERE..
SO YOU’RE
PRETTY MUCH SAYING
THAT I SUCK ?
DUDE
WEAK !
HMM... NO..
OR DO YOU ?
SO DID YOU
EVER GET BACK AT MADSEN
FOR STEALING YOUR
POKING STICK ?
YEP..
18
Madsen: No one ever shows up at my parties -_-;
Christian: Because you live in the crappiest ghetto!
HEHE
I DID A
HORRIBLE THING
I BOUGHT HIM
AN “IRL” MODEL KIT
OH, WHAT ?
HEHE..
EVIIIIIL
WTF IS
WRONG WITH
HIM ?
OKI, HOW
ABOUT SOME FF THEN ?
DUDE.. JOIN
US IN A FRIENDLY
GAME OF MASS
DESTRUCTION
NAH...
DON’T FEEL LIKE
IT
NAH...
DON’T FEEL LIKE
IT
“IRL” MODEL-KIT
J00 3VIL D00D
OMG DUDE..
I JUST STARTED PLAYING
THIS AWESOME GAME CALLED
“RAGNAROCK ONLINE” HAVE
YOU TRIED IT ?
THE WEB
COMIC ?
OH
SORRY ABOUT
THAT
NO, I’VE BEEN BUSY
WITH THE WEB COMIC
THE RUMOR HAS IT
THAT MY FAVORITE ONLINE
COMIC "BASEMENT STUDIOS" HAS
FADED AWAY..
YOU KNOW, DIED,
NO LONGER EXIST
SO I
WANT TO TAKE THIS TIME
OUT TO SAY THANKS FOR A GREAT
COMIC DUDES AND YOU'LL
BE MISSED..
NOW GIVE US YOUR READERS !
HEHEHE..
Madsen: Again, saying it as it is.. what was that basement studios about anyways? Wasn’t that the pilot project for sodomizing housewives, that later turned
into “Desperate Housewives” ?
19
SAR·CASM
A.
B.
C.
D.
A CUTTING, OFTEN IRONIC REMARK INTENDED TO WOUND.
A FORM OF WIT THAT IS MARKED BY THE USE OF SARCASTIC LANGUAGE AND IS INTENDED TO MAKE ITS VICTIM THE BUTT OF CONTEMPT OR RIDICULE.
GIFT FOR INTELLIGENT, ABILITY TO COMPOSE MESSAGES WHICH QUESTIONS ANOTHER’S INTELLECT.
THE BASTARD STEPCHILD OF IRONY
SO THIS IS THE
LAWSUIT AGAINST THE
DUDETTE THAT WAS SUPPOSED
TO SEND YOU THE PS2
AND FFX ?
WELL..FIRST OF ALL
LAW IS SPELLED WITH
A "W", NOT A "V"
YES
DUDE...
SEND ME SOME MONEY
AND I’LL BUY YOU A PS2
AND SEND IT TO YOU..
I PROMISE..
THE REASON WHY YOU SHOULDN’T
MIX INTERNET AND CREDIT CARDS
20
Madsen: This is another example of Christian’s failsafe system. Sarcasm.
Christian: In the gheeeeeetto....
SWEET !
ACTUALLY, HER BIRTHDAY
WAS YESTERDAY AND IT WAS KINDA NICE,
WE SURFED THE WEB FOR AN HOUR, THEN WE
ATE SOME EXCLUSIVE MICRO-DINNER..
AND THEN SOME SEXX0R..
DUDE, DON'T FORGET
TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO
YOUR GIRLFRIEND FROM ME
WILL DO
CRAZY PARTY
LAST NIGHT, HUH ?
YEAH..
CAN'T REMEMBER
MUCH
HI EVERYONE..
I'M POLA, THE DUDE WHO WAS STAND IN
FOR CHRISTIAN WHEN HE WAS IN JAPAN..
I WAS BROUGHT IN TO INFORM
YOU KIDS THAT IT'S DANGEROUS
TO HAVE A "JOYPAD" STUCK IN YOU HEAD
WELL, ANYTHING STICKING OUT OF
YOUR HEAD WOULD BE CONSIDERED
NOT GOOD..
I JUST TOLD YOU..
I LET HER USE THE BANDWIDTH
FOR AN HOUR
SOUNDS SWEET,
SO WHAT DID YOU
GET HER ?
I HEARD THAT
THE NINJAS SHAVED YOUR HEAD
AND STABBED YOU WITH
A JOYSTICK
HAHA !
NOW WOULDN'T THAT
LOOK SILLY !?
HAHA
NO..
I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A SMURF !
Madsen: IT’S MY BANDWIDTH!.. damn I wish I was an ISP, I’d hog all the bandwidth for leeching Avril Lavrigne’s entire catalogue.. she’s so “punky” and cute.
The rumor has it that she’s a skatergirl.
21
SO IT’S TRUE THEN ?
WHAT THING ABOUT THE
JOYSTICK IN THE HEAD ?
*SHH*
HERE HE COMES.
DON’T SAY ANYTHING
SOO..
DID YOU SEE THAT HELLRAISER MOVIE
WITH PINHEAD IN IT LAST NIGHT
OR WHAT ?
*LOL*
WE’RE PRETTY
MUCH ALIKE MADSEN
WHY IS THAT ?
I ONCE HAD ONE
OF THOSE IN ME AS WELL
EEEH..
IGNORE WHAT I
JUST SAID
WHAT !?
NEVER HEARD OF
MULTIPLAYER ?
22
Madsen: I have no idea where this come from, the joypad in the head I mean. I think I was trying to draw a new character or something. See, THAT’S skill.
Christian: I presume it’s a joySTICK but who knows, it’s all in the eye of the beholder... :) (goddamn our art suck)
HELLO THERE KIDS
YOU MIGHT NOTICE THAT
THERE’S A NES™ HANGING DOWN
FROM THE ROOF...
THIS IS
THE PART WHERE YOU
MAKE EVIL LAUGHING NOISES
HEHEHE....
LETS SEE
IF IT WORKS
WELL, I’M
TRYING TO ATTRACT
SOME LOOSER
CHRISTIAN !
GET YOUR ASS
IN HERE !
WHAT ?
OOO.. A NES™
IN HONOR OF THE NEW STAR WARS MOVIE
COME JOIN
ME *BREATHE* ON THE
MICROSOFT SIDE
DUDE..
WTF ARE YOU
DOING ?
OOOH...
THE BANDWIDTH IS
STRONG WITH
THIS ONE
NEVER
I WILL NEVER
JOIN THE DARK
SIDE !
OH..
STILL HAVEN’T MADE IT
THROUGH “BIONIC COMMANDO” ?
IT’S MOCKING
ME AND CALLING ME
NAMES DUDE ...
WHA ?
*SOB*
Madsen: Wondering why we keep bashing Microsoft? You obviously never saw “Pirates of the silicon valley”, BILL IS A DICK in that movie!
Christian: A dick without BALLZ!
23
TO BAD THE
PS2 WAS BROKEN !
*LOL*
SO YOU FINALLY
GOTTEN THE PS2
AND FFX ?
NO DUDE
YES
SO YOU’RE NOT
MAD AT ALL OVER THE PS2
AND THE FACT THAT IT
DIDN’T WORK ?
HE WENT
DOWNTOWN A COUPLE
OF HOURS AGO
OH, DAMNIT !
IT’S DANGEROUS DOWN
THERE ...
NO, I’M FINE..
I’M GONNA GO DOWNTOWN
NOW. SEE YOU LATER.
DAMN...
POOR MADSEN
WHAT ?
24
WHERE DID
MADSEN GO ?
NOT ONLY DID
SONY GIVE HIM A
BROKEN PS2
YOU MISSED
THE POINT DUDE ...
I GOT FFX BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE.
IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT
WORKS OR NOT
WHY ?
SOME DUDE IS
RUNNING AROUND SHOOTING
PEOPLE AND SCREAMING “I AM SOLID
SNAKE, PH33R ME!!”
NOW HE IS
IN A LAWSUIT FOR
A BAD INTERPRETATION OF
SOLID SNAKE..
PH33R ME
BIOTCHEZ !
Madsen: Yeah, I got FFX like 3 months before anyone in Europe. I think I played it the first time 6 months AFTER it was released in Europe. Broken US PS2 don’t
play games that good you know.
HEY, I HAVE
A NEW PICKUP LINE...
OH ?
LET ME
HEAR IT
I ALWAYS
USE “HEY BABY, I GOT A PUMP
AT HOME WITH YOUR
NAME ON IT”
I’M
SURROUNDED
BY IDIOTS
“HEY BABY..
I’M A G.U.I MADE ALL FOR YOU,
WYSIWYG”
SO YOU’RE
NOT A LAMER-GAMER
THEN ?
DUDE
YOU’RE SUCH A
LAMER-GAMER
OH..
HOW COME ?
YOU ONLY PLAY
MAINSTREAM GAMES
LIKE MGS2 AND FFX
AND GTA3
SO, WAS
IT NICE WHEN YOU
CAME HOME FROM THE
TOUR THINGIE ?
WHA ?
YEAH IT WAS
NICE TO COME HOME
AND TALK TO THE
WOOKIE
NOPE
SO YOU’RE SAYING
YOU’RE COOL CUZ YOU PLAY
INDEPENDENT GAMES LIKE CHU CHU
ROCKET AND BUST-A-MOVE
EEEH...
YOU’VE GOT A
POINT THERE
OMFG
THAT MUST BE THE
NASTIEST THING YOU’VE
EVER SAID DUDE...
Cute ninja: Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger..
Cute Ninja: Mushroom, mushroom..
HEHE
25
SNAKE !!
DID YOU BITE YOUR THUMB AT ME, SIRE ?
EEH ?
DAMN SWEET
PRON MOVIE DUDE
YEAH
DUDE, THAT’S A
REGULAR THING. I DO THAT
ALL THE TIME.
THIS WHOLE
STAR WARS REVIVAL SHIT
IS SILLY. IT’S JUST A WAY FOR
GEORGE TO MAKE MORE MONEY
OF DECENT STUPID PPL
OMG
WHAT’S HE
DOING TO HER
WOOKIE !?
EEH... OH
BRB...
YOU WANNA
GO SEE EPISODE 2 ?
MY TREAT
YEAH
SURE
GOTCHA
SUCKER
26
Christian: Madsen is a dirty wookie interpreter.
I ASKED MY GF IF
SHE WANTED TO GET ENGAGED
LAST NIGHT
OH ?
WHAT DID SHE
ANSWER ?
SHE
SAID NO
WELL, I'M NOW
ENGAGED TO MY BROKEN PS2 INSTEAD,
MY GF'S BLEWN HER CHANCE
BUMMER,
NOW WHAT ?
GENERIC DAY AT MADSENS JOB
MADSEN !
WE NEED YOU TO MAKE A PAY-SITE
ABOUT THE FOOTBALL-THINGIE THAT'S
STARTING IN JAPAN SOON..
OKI..
WHAT DO YOU WANT ON THE
PAGE ?
WHAT KINDA
INFO ETC. ETC. ?
EHH..
WHAT DOES THAT
HAVE TO DO WITH
ANYTHING ?
WE NEED IT
BY TOMORROW
OK..
I’M GOING TO DO THIS PAGE FOR
YOU USING ONLY HTML SO THAT THE PAGE
LOADS FASTER AND USE IMAGES THAT YOU
HAVE OWNERSHIP TO...
I WILL STRUCTURE IT SO THE USER
CAN BROWSE THE IMAGES IN THUMBNAILS
BEFORE LOOKING AT THEM WHICH WILL MAKE
THE PAGE EVEN FASTER
EEEH
HTML, WHAT’S THAT ?
ANY QUESTIONS ?
Madsen: She actually said no to getting engaged. This was a really hard time for me, until I walked into the living room and saw some telly-tubbies, and live
was good again.
27
MR. CHRISTIAN !
CHANGE OF PLANS
DUDE..
THAT PC-GAME YOU'VE
MADE, IT'S NOW GOING TO BE A
XBOX-GAME INSTEAD, AND WE NEED
IT BY TOMORROW
BUT !
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE !
IT WILL TAKE MONTHS TO
REWRITE THE GAME
NO IT WON'T..
JUST BURN IT ON A
XBOX DVD INSTEAD
I'M A 13 YEAR OLD BOY
AND I LIKE TO FSCK,
WHO ARE YOU ?
HI !
I'M A 21 YEAR OLD HOT
BLONDE..WITH BIG TITS AND
A NICE WOOKIE
THE REASON SOMEONE
INVENTED WEBCAMS
DID YOU JUST
TRY TO SEXX0R THE
NES ?
*SNUGGLES*
*BLINK*
28
!
DUDE ! YOUR
CRAPPY PSX IS HITTING
ON MY NES !
DID MADSEN
FORGET TO TAKE HIS
PILLS AGAIN ?
Madsen: a/s/g?
Christian: I used to work with producing videogames. It was an awesome time of my life and probably the most stressful as well.
OMG, I HEARD
YOU SPEAK..
CUZ WE'VE BOTH SEEN
YOU JACK OFF TO FFX
WELL, YOU'RE NOT
GONNA TELL ANYONE
ANYWAYS
WHY NOT ?
GIVE ME ONE GOOD
REASON
EHH..
GOOD POINT..
DAMNIT, BUSTED..
RUN FOR IT PSX..
*BLINK*
*BLINK*
WHAT'S THIS
NOTE ABOUT ?
READ IT AND
WEEP, SUCKER..
..
E .
ON OU
ME G Y ND
O
A
S IN
M UND EAV R ME
AR FO M L FO
D E AVE O I' TER D..
S ET 'E
H
B
I SE
ES
OD
EL E'S M
/N
SH E'S
SH
AD
N
SE
EHH ?
WHAT ?
CHRISTIAN !
GET IN HERE !
*ROFLMAO*
DUDE, THE NES JUST
SPOKE TO ME.. BUT IT SAID THAT
IF I TOLD YOU THAT IT SPOKE, IT WOULD
TELL EVERYONE THAT I JACK-OFF
WHILE WATCHING FFX
GOOD WORK SON
DUDE,
DON'T BE STUPID
*BLINK*
*BLINK*
Madsen: Talking NES and his harem of PSX.. don’t ask.
Christian: These comics are fucking awesome, reson enough to buy the book.
YOU
SHUT IT !
29
(please buy the book)
(pretty please)
DUDE..
I'LL BE IN THE LIVINGROOM
IF YOU NEED ME. I HEARD A RUMOR ABOUT
THE LAMP WAS GONNA PLAY SOME
N'SYNCH COVERS
TALK YOU
GOD DAMN FREAK !
EHH..
BLIP-BLIP ?
FUCK
YOU
I'D LOVE
TO PLAY SOME ROMS
ON YOU BABY
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU
TALK DIRTY..
*BLINK*
OH..
REALLY ?
*SNUGGLE*
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING
AT BLACK SOCK MAN ?
*BLINK*
OOOOOH !
MORE !
ORO ?
YOU WANT ME TO KICK
YOUR ASS OR WHAT ?
*SNUGGLE*
30
Madsen: Christian actually has a lamp that plays N’sync-covers, Yeah I know, they couldn’t get the rights to sing the original, so they sing covers.
Christian: Bad covers :)
DUDE,
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR
BAD ATTITUDE
STFU OR I'LL
KICK YOUR SORRY ASS
"SUPER MARIO"-STYLE
WTF !?
DON'T ASK
*LOL*
YEAH RIGHT
*LIMP*
*BLINK*
*LIMP*
*SNUGGLE*
OMG BOYS AND GIRLS,
I REALLY LEARNED A LESSON
THIS TIME
NES IS THE RULER OF
ALL CONSOLES..
THE RUMOR HAS IT THAT THE WORLD
WILL BE HAUNTED BY A BAD-ASS VIRUS SOON,
AND 2/3'S OF THE EARTHS INHABITANTS
WILL DIE..
HOLY CRAP DUDE..
HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL ?
AND REALLY KNOWS HOW TO
DO A "SUPER MARIO"-ASS-KICKING
NO, THINK
ABOUT HOW MUCH
BANDWIDTH THAT WILL BE
UNCLOGGED THEN
YEAH THAT'S
HORRIBLE
Christian: I think Madsen pumps ip-packets in his veins instead of blood.
Madsen: POOP ON A STICK!
31
TODAY WE WANT TO STRESS YOU
ALL ABOUT NOT USING SUCH LAME NICKS
ON THE INTERNET
I MEAN DROP ALL THOSE
NICKS LIKE: ATROX, L4M3_F55,
T|-|3_kR01NC 176289
HEY, ISN’T THAT
MARCUS’ NICK ON IRC ?
AND DEFINETLEY LOSE NAMES LIKE
1-5UC|<_J00|\/|U|\/|
HI TO YOU ALL AT LITTLE GAMERS
I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU ALL THAT I AM SO
GODDAMN L33T I’VE DONE TONS OF DIFFERENT
MILITARY STUFF AND I’M A GREEN BERET AND I
KNOW HOW TO KILL PEOPLE WITH ONE FINGER.
WHEN I’M NOT IN THE ARMY I WORK AS A
TECHIE AT A UNIVERSITY.
SO YOU SEE, I’M L33TER THAN YOU ALL CUZ I
CAN KILL AND I’M A TECHIE AT A UNIVERSITY !
I ALSO LOOK GREAT IN MY ARMY SUIT, VISIT
WWW.HOTARMYDUDES.COM TO SEE ME AND
“BIG” BILLY IN SWEET HOT ACTION.
OH,
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD
THE NEWS..
SO, WHY DO YOU THINK
THE PSX CHOSE YOU INSTEAD
OF THE PS2 ?
32
EITHER THIS MAIL
IS FOR MARCUS OR THE PR0N-SPAMS
ARE GETTING PRETTY
DAMN PERSONAL
THE PS2 IS IMPOTENT
HEARD WHAT ?
Madsen: Half of that letter in the second comic is actually true, some nutjob sent me a mail were he went thru point by point how he was l33ter than I.. people
are fucking weird sometimes, so avoid going outside.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
IMPOTENT ?
YOU KNOW..
HE DOESN'T
DO ROMS
OH..
BUT YOU
DON'T DO..
*BLINK*
SOME OF OUR
READERS HAS COMPLAINED
ABOUT LITTLE-GAMERS' BEING TO
FLAT AND LACK COLOR..
SHHH !
DON'T BLOW MY
COVER !
*BLINK*
BUT IT'S NOT MY
FAULT THAT CHRISTIAN CAN'T
WORK IN LAYERS
AND THAT OUR
VERSION OF PHOTOSHOP
IS COLORBLIND
SORRY !
TRIED
JEDI KNIGHT 2
MULTIPLAYER
YET ?
WELL, IMAGINE A
KINDERGARDEN CLASS
RUNNING WILD, WITH
LIGHTSABERS..
NO,
ANY GOOD ?
Christian: It’s meant to be in black and white you color hungry bastards!
Madsen: Good news, our version of photoshop is not colorblind anymore.
OH, KIND
OF LIKE AN IRC CHATROOM
WITH REALLY GOOD GUI ?
YEP, AND
LIGHTSABERS
33
BUT IS IT COOL
TO RUN AROUND AND BE
LUKE AND JUST KILL A
BUNCH OF PEOPLE ?
WONDER WHO
MARCUS WOULD
CHOOSE
JAR JAR BINKS
YEAH,
BUT I LIKE LANDO BETTER,
HE'S COOLER
YEAH..
I'M THE BOMB !
DUDE,
DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION ?
YEP
YEP
GO BRITNEY,
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY !
34
Christian: Madsen loves homeless people... physically.
Madsen: Christian loves Britney.
HANGON..
IS THAT BRITNEY !?
YEAH !
LOVING IT, LOVING IT,
I LOVE YOU BRITNEY !
MY EYES.. BURNING..
MUST.. WASH.. EYES..
EHH..
WTF AM I DOING ?
I BET YOU LIKED
<INSERT LAME GAME HERE>
AS WELL
SO I PLAYED THIS
REALLY COOL GAME LAST NIGHT CALLED
"ROLLER COASTER FACTORY 2"
YEAH
IT WAS SOOOO DAMN COOL
DUDE, ISN'T THAT
STAR WARS EPISODE 2:
ATTACK OF THE CLONES
NUFF SAID
DAMNIT, HOW CAN YOU SIT HERE
AND WATCH A CRAPPY COPY OF IT WHEN WE
HAVE TICKETS TO SEE IT ON THURSDAY ?
I REALLY MISSED HAVING IT WHEN
WE WATCHED EPISODE 1
YES IT IS
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING ?
FEAR LEADS TO ANGER, ANGER LEADS TO HATE,
HATE LEADS TO SUFFERING, THE NECKBONE IS
CONNECTED TO THE WISHBONE, THE WISHBONE
IS CONNECTED TO..
CUT !!
EPISODE 1: BEHIND THE SCENES
I NEED TO KNOW IF I SHOULD BRING
MY GAMEBOY TO THE THEATHER.
DAMN YOU, YODA !
TRY TO GET IT RIGHT DAMNIT !
MUCH SORRY, I AM, GEORGE
AND SPEAK FRIGGIN ENGLISH YOU
STUPID GREEN MIDGET THINGIE !
Madsen: Hehe.. Yoda, behind the scenes. Btw, did you know that the name/word “Yoda” is included in “Microsoft Word”? Oh, and “Btw” too :o!
Christian: I never realised that the <insert lame game name> here was a comment for me to input something....
35
THAT WAS GREAT GUYS, NOW WE MOVE
ON TO SCENE 289
TO THE COMMAND CENTER, TAKE ME
CUT
OKI, LET'S TAKE IT FROM SCENE 27
NO, I NEED A BREAK, I NEED TO PEE
I AM SHAKESPEARE INCARNATED
DAMNIT OBI-WAN..
YOU DON'T NEED A PEE-BREAK,
AND YOU WILL WORK FOR FREE
YES, YOU ARE YODA, NOW USE YOUR
JEDI POWERS AND WASH MY CAR
YES, GEORGE
GEORGE, YOU'RE NOT A JEDI,
THAT ONLY WORK IF YOU'RE A JEDI..
AND YOU WILL DOUBLE MY SALARY
I WILL DOUBLE YOUR SALARY
OMG !
I SENSE A GRAVE DISTURBANCE
IN THE FORCE
DUDE, WHERE'S
MARCUS ?
DUNNO
36
I SENSE IT ALSO
MY FRIEND
Christian: I hate people who make animated banners. (It’s Madsens day job)
Madsen:It’s funny how you do these “theme”-comics even tho you hate the franchise and the movies.
OH, SO THAT'S HOW
YOU MAKE ANIMATED BANNERS !
OH..
I GET IT. YOU’RE JUST
CHOOSING WHAT YOU WANT
TO HEAR AND NOT TO HEAR
DUDE,
YOU KNOW IT’S E3 SOON
AND WE’RE NOT GOING
DUDE...
CAN YOU HEAR ME ?
DAMN...
I’M SO TIRED
I GOT THE PRE-RELEASE OF
THE EUROPEAN FFX-VERSION
3 DAYS AGO, BEEN PLAYING
IT EVER SINCE
SO..
I HEARD YOU FINALLY
GOT AN APARTMENT
YEP. MAD EXPENSIVE.
ALMOST MY WHOLE PAYCHECK
WILL GO TOWARDS RENT
DUDE ?
I’VE BEEN PLAYING MY US
VERSION NON STOP FOR 4 MONTHS
NOW. THOUGH I’M STUCK AT THE
“READ DISK ERROR” PART
WHAT ?
YES, I CUT MY HAIR
YESTERDAY
THAT’S BECAUSE YOUR
PS2 IS BROKEN
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
WTF ?
WHY WOULD SOMEONE
WANT TO LIVE IN SUCH AN
EXPENSIVE PLACE !?
THEY OFFER
10MBIT FOR FREE IN
THAT HOUSE
Madsen: The year I finally go to E3 is the year I’ll die. Stupid convention anyways, they’re going to “cover up” the boothbabes this year, then what’s the point
going?! Oh, right, games.
37
DUDE !
AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED
TO UPDATE THE COMIC ?
SCREW
THE COMIC
DUDE, I GOT A NEW
IDEA ON HOW TO TRASHTALK
MICROSOFT, CHECK THIS OUT
HIPPIE DUDE !!
HOW CAN YOU JUST SIT
HERE ALL DAY AND PLAY GAMES
WHEN THE EARTH IS CALLING
FOR YOUR HELP?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
FUCK YOU ! DON’T SAY SHIT LIKE TH...
HEEEEY ! DID YOU BUY
A GAMECUBE ?
SCREW
THE COMIC
AND HAND ME THAT
CONTROLLER
DID YOU KNOW THAT
MICROSOFT CUTS DOWN
RAINFOREST TO GROW
THEIR X-BOXES ?
THEY DO !?
OMG, I'LL GATHER A MOB
A.S.A.P. !!
THE RAINFORESTS
ARE SLOWLY GETTING..
STUPID HIPPIE
COOL
I GUESS SAVING
THE WORLD COULD WAIT
A DAY OR SO
IS THAT A GAMECUBE ?
YOU'RE A WORTHLESS
HIPPIE, YOU KNOW THAT ?
38
Madsen: It’s a fact, Microsoft cut down rainforest to grow their Xboxes. And they use whitetrash unborn babies to make Xbox 360’s.
Christian: The above statement is probably true.
AHH..
FINALLY, TIME FOR SOME
ONE MAN GAMECUBE
ACTION
I HEARD YOU
BOUGHT A GAMECUBE AND
SUPER SMASH BROS.
YEAH AND
LET ME TELL YOU...
AAAAH !
WTF, WHERE
DID YOU ALL
COME FROM ?
IS IT MY
TURN YET !?
I GUESS YOU
DIDN'T READ THE
WARNING TEXT
SSM IS THE WORST GAME
EVER, THE WORST GRAPHICS, THE WORST
MOVES. THAT FSCKING GAME SHOULDN’T
EVEN BE ALLOWED TO BE CALLED
A REAL GAME
THEN WHY DID
YOU BUY IT ?
NOOOOO !!
IT HURTS !!!!
AAAAAAAHHHHH !!!
E
OL
NS PPL
O
C D
ND
NI
IS EIR P A 'RE
R
H
U Y
T W
A
W HE
G
E
W
IN US SHO T T
Y
A
A
N.
A C T
F
.
PL Y
S
TH DS TIO
AF
ST
MA JU ND IEN AU
E
O
C
O
T ET FR H
D
EN
PR UR IT
NT
YO E W
I
/N
US
NG
!
YOU GET TO
BEAT UP PIKACHU
SWEET
YOU SEE,
THIS LAME GAME WAS
WELL WORTH ALL
THAT MONEY
YEAH
DEATH TO
PIKACHU !
Christian: Pokemon is the shit in the most honest, purest and meaningful sense of the word shit.
Madsen: Death to that damn yellow fucker, death to him! I CALL YOU, BUKKAKEMON!!
39
ME IS GREAT
NINJA WARRIOR
DUDE,
WE NEED TO
SPICE THE COMIC UP
A BIT, PEOPLE ARE BI0TCHING
ABOUT US LOOKING BORED
AND MAD ALL THE
TIME
I BOUGHT LUIGIS
MANSION
AND I’M
YOUR DADDY
BI0TCH
OR MAYBE
NOT
MAYBE WE
SHOULD ADD
MOUTHS
I HEARD YOU
BOUGHT A NEW GAMECUBE
GAME DUDE, WHAT DID
YOU BUY ?
40
THE GREAT
TEKKEN PLAYER
I AM
DID
YOU LIKE
IT ?
NO
FUCKING SILLY
GAME. I FINISHED IT IN
ABOUT AN HOUR
SOMETIMES IT
FEELS LIKE NINTENDO
ONLY MAKES GAMES
FOR KIDS
EEEH,
THEY DO MAKE GAMES
FOR KIDS
YEAH RIGHT
AND BILL GATES ISN’T
THE DEVIL ?
Madsen: You know, many times I think “Damn, I must start using mouths on the characters”, but then I just take a look at this creepy comic.. and forget
about it and get some more diet coke. Christian: No more diet coke for Madsen :)
CHRISTIAN HAS
FALLEN ASLEEP WHILE
TOUCHING HIMSELF AGAIN
AND IT’S UP TO ME TO
UPDATE THE COMIC
SO HERE’S
A LITTLE JOKE
FOR YOU ALL
WE’LL BE BACK AFTER
THESE MESSAGES !
WHY IS TALKING
TO A WOOKIE LIKE
BEING IN THE
MAFIA ?
WE GOT AN OFFER YOU CAN’T RESIST !
FOR ONLY 99.95 DOLLARS YOU CAN GO
TO THE WORLD CUP IN JAPAN AND
WATCH SOME SOOOOOOOOCCER !
CALL NOW !
HAVE YOU HEARD
THAT THE US ARMY IS
DOING A WARGAME AND
DISTROBUTING IT
FOR FREE ?
WELL, THEY THINK
THAT IF YOU PLAY THE GAME
THEN YOU WILL WANT TO SIGN UP
FOR ARMY DUTY
NOW WHY WOULD
THEY WANNA DO THAT ?
AREN’T THEY AGAINST
GAMES AND STUFF
LIKE THAT ?
KIND OF WHEN YOU
BOUGHT A GOCART AFTER PLAYING
“SUPER MARIO CART”
HMM.. BRB
ONE SLIP WITH
THE TOUNGE AND YOU’RE
IN DEEP SHIT
DUDE, THAT’S
SO NASTY !
WHY GO ALL THE WAY
TO JAPAN TO WATCH SOCCER
WHEN I CAN STAY HOME
AND PLAY IT ON THE
GAMECUBE ?
WHAT WAY I
DON’T HAVE TO MOVE MY
ASS FROM THIS COUCH
DUDE, LISTEN
WE NEED TO MAKE A GAME
WHERE YOU DONATE ALL YOUR MONEY
TO AN ONLINE COMIC VIA
PAY-PAL
EHM ?
Madsen: If I had a penny for every time someone donated a penny a penny would turn into a bird and whistle starts stripes and banners.. so lets not do that
again.
41
GAME INFLUENCE ON KIDS
ACCORDING TO GROWN-UPS
“LUIGIS MANSION”
MAKES WE WANT TO BUY
A VACUM CLEANER AND SUCK
SOME GHOSTS AND LOOK
SO VERY STUPID
DAMN
“LOST KINGDOM”
REALLY MAKES ME
WANNA PLAY CCG’S
IRL !
I JUST GOT
SOME MORE EVIDENCE
ON HOW MUCH LOTR
SUCKS
CHEAP TRICKS, LESSON #1
DUDE
I HEARD YOUR GF IS
PREGNANT. THAT’S PRETTY
COOL THAT YOU ARE GOING TO
BE A DAD
42
DAMN, PLAYING
“BRITNEYS DANCE BEAT”
REALLY MAKES ME WANT TO
BECOME A DANCER AND A SELLOUT
WHORE WITH NO TALENT
WTF !?
“BRITNEYS DANCE BEAT”
HEY, WHY DO I GET
THE LAME EXAMPLE ?
CUZ YOU’RE
THE MOST GAY
DUDE, THAT
MOVIE DOESN’T SUCK
GOD DAMNIT !
DUDE, IT WON A
PRIZE FOR “BEST MOVIE”
AT THE MTV MOVIE
AWARDS
OH, WELL, WHEN
YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT.
MAY BE IT DOES SUCK
A LITTLE BIT
WHA !?
WTF !?
LAW WINS !
Christian: Space reserved for future funnies.
Madsen: Yeah, if you’re on MTV, you’re a sellout.. or really really good at fooling people and make them do your biddings.
HEHE,
MADE YOU
LOSE
CHEAP TRICKS, LESSON #2
WHA !?
WTF !?
DUDE, I KIND OF
BROKE YOUR COMPUTER LAST NIGHT,
I’M SO SORRY
EHM, DUDE !?
LAW WINS !
HEHE,
MADE YOU LOSE
AGAIN
SITHADMIN IS A
WARM AND OPEN HAMSTER,
OH I MEAN A PERSON WHO SMELLS
LIKE ELDERBERRY
WE INVITED ONE
OF OUR ENGLISH FRIENDS HERE
TO HELP HIM GET A JOB SINCE
HE’S UNEMPLOYED AT
THE MOMENT
SAY HELLO
SITHADMIN
LET’S JUST
SAY, NEVER JOKE
ABOUT CHRISTIANS
COMPUTER
RUN SISSY BOY
YEAH, RUN BACK
TO HAMSTERVILLE,
OH, I MEAN
ENGLAND
WTF ?
SCREW YOU GUYS
I DON’T NEED
YOUR HELP!
HI !
PLAYING PAINTBALL
LOOK,
HERE THEY
COME
BANG !
DAMN !
YOU SHOT ME !
THAT FUCKING HURTS !
DO IT AGAIN !
NOW I UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU MEANT WITH
PLAYING TO MUCH MOH:AA
COULD COME AND BITE
YOU IN THE
ASS
Madsen: Whatever happened to Sithadmin? Haven’t heard from his angry and depressive ass in a while now. I guess he found his prozac.
Christian: Or he found out what love is like...
AGAIN,
PLEASE !
43
AT A RECENT COMIC
CONVENTION SOMEONE STATED THAT
LITTLE GAMERS HAD MUCH PROBLEMS
WITH AUTHORITIES AND BIG
CORPORATIONS
ARE YOU READY
FOR THE ROSKILDE FESTIVAL
NEXT WEEK DUDE ?
GONNA BE HELL
THIS YEAR AS WELL WITHOUT
A NET-CONNECTION EH ?
AND THAT’S
NOT TRUE
WE’VE NEVER
HAD ANY PROBLEMS
BESIDES THAT PORNSTAR
INCIDENT
NAH...
THIS YEAR I HAVE
SAVED UP $500 SO THAT
I CAN BE DRUNK ALL THE TIME
AND NEVER EVEN THINK
ABOUT INTERNET
WELL,
ON MONDAY WE WILL
BE AT THE ROSKILDE FESTIVAL
HANGING OUT...
THE SIGN LOOKS
LIKE THIS
ANYWAYS
WOOT TO ECHELON
AND DEVIANCE FOR THEIR
PART IN THE GAME
SCENE
UH-OH
BUT, IF YOU’RE
THAT DRUNK. WHAT ABOUT THE
BANDS THEN ?
WHAT
BANDS ?
LOOK NEAR THE
CINEMA. CUZ THAT’S WHERE
WE USUALLY LIVE
...BEING DRUNK
... AND IF YOU’RE THERE
LOOK FOR SIGNS THAT SAYS
“BEWARE OF NINJA”
FU
DUDE
...AND 2 DRUNKEN
SWEDES
YEAH, JUST LOOK
FOR MR. BUTT UGLY
AND ME
RE OF
BEWA
A!
NINJ
44
Madsen: Roskilde, mmmm… if you’re under 21 and feel like drinking you into oblivion, then go to Roskilde Festival, it’s kickass. I can’t go there anymore
tho, I left my liver there and swore never to return.
HI THERE KIDS !
I'M HERE TO INTRODUCE THE STORY
"LITTLE GAMERS: KEEPERS OF THE L33T"
HMM..
FEELS LIKE I'VE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING,
BETTER CHECK THE LIST..
GE
T
$
Y
OR
ST E
E
M
IS
TH HO
CE GO
TH
U
D
U
D
D O TRO AND ! STF TUPI ERE!
U
Y
S
H
N
U
L
I
ED
L
1• STF T F UTE BE IL RD
L ST ST TA
2• S
O
E
U
3• ABS M 'RE R
U
4• YO YOU HOW!?
5• IF FG
OU
OM E Y
6• AR
A
ND
HMM..
DO YOU KIDS KNOW WHAT
THE DIFFERENCE IS BETWEEN A DONKEY
AND CHRISTIAN ?
THAT'S IT !
STFU AND GO HOME PLS !
PRESENTS:
"KEEPERS OF THE L33T"
[WARNING, THIS STORY CONTAINS A LOT OF TEXT]
THIS IS THE STORY ABOUT HOW CHRISTIAN,
MARCUS AND MR.MADSEN FIRST MET..
LETS START ON A PLANET VERY CLOSE TO HERE,
THE PLANET CALLED EARTH..
MR.MADSEN LIVED IN A SHITTY LITTLE TOWN
IN THE SOUTH OF SWEDEN, HE WAS A LITTLE
SWEET BOY, WHO ONE COULD CALL A
"MAMA'S BOY"..
THE STORY BEGINS WITH A DUDE NAMED
MR.MADSEN..
Christian: The following 2 pages are all madsen fault, i am SO sorry if it scars you for life.
Madsen: Heh. Keepers of the L33t, one of the few storylines we’ve ever had here at LG.
GOD DAMNIT MARIO !
WHEN I PUSH THE JUMP BUTTON,
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING JUMP OVER
KOOPA, YOU STUPID SOAB !
45
SO MR.MADSEN LEFT EVERYTHING BEHIND
AND WENT ON THE HOLY QUEST FOR
BANDWIDTH
MR.MADSEN WAS A POOR KID AND COULDN'T
REALLY AFFORD ANY REAL BANDWIDTH..
GOD DAMNIT MUM !
WE NEED SOME BANDWIDTH,
SERIOUSLY !
HELL NO !
SCREW YOU...EHH..WENCH !
I'M OUTAH HERE !
*MUMBLE*
FSCKING MODEM HIPPIES
*MUMBLE*
WELL, WE COULD GET A
28.8 MODEM IF YOU'D LIKE
IN ANOTHER LITTLE SHITTY TOWN THERE
LIVED ANOTHER LITTLE BOY CALLED CHRISTIAN.
HE AND HIS FRIEND MARCUS DID ALL KINDS
OF EXPERIMENTS TO GET THEIR NES™ TO GET
ONLINE TO DOWNLOAD SOME PR0N.
*HMMMMM*
GOD FSCKING DAMNIT !
THERE MUST BE A FASTER WAY TO
DOWNLOAD PRON THAN THIS !
46
WELL, ACTUALLY MARCUS DIDN'T REALLY CARE
ALL THAT MUCH ABOUT THE NES™ AND THE
PR0N AND GETTING ONLINE..
HOW ABOUT..
*HMMMM*
HE WAS MORE OBSESED WITH PLASTIC
THINGS.
DUDE !
STOP RUBBING YOURSELF AGAINST
THE PLASTIC FOOTBALL BITCH !
DUDE, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BRING
A PLASTIC CARPET ?
WAIT FOR ME DUDE !
Madsen: Marcus once slept with a plastic football, but we’re not talking about that anymore.
Christian: No Comment.
SO NOW YOU MIGHT WONDER HOW MR.MADSENS
QUEST WENT..
WELL, AFTER A WHILE OF JUST WALKING
AROUND HE FINALLY FOUND A PLACE THAT
OFFERED SUPER-DUPER-MEGA-FAST INTERNET
AND THIS IS WHERE HE MET CHRISTIAN.
SATAN'S
OFFICE
ARE YOU HERE FOR THE
"EMPEROR OF BANDWIDTH"
JOB AS WELL ?
SATAN'S
OFFICE
OH..WELL, GOOD LUCK
YES, YOU TO ?
SATAN'S
OFFICE
ANYWAY, SATAN THOUGHT THAT MR.MADSEN
WAS MOST QUALIFIED FOR THE JOB.
BITCH
SATAN'S
SAME TO YOU..
OFFICE
YES
BUT CHRISTIAN GOT ANOTHER JOB, HE BECAME
"RULER OF TEKKEN", AND TOGETHER THEY BOTH
WHERE "KEEPERS OF THE L33T"..
SATAN'S
OFFICE
WENCH
AND IN RETURN HE GOT THEIR SOULS..
WHO NEEDS A SOUL WHEN
YOU HAVE TEKKEN ?
GOD DAMN IT !
SATAN'S
OFFICE
HEHEHE
Christian: No Comment.
Madsen: This storyline was a bit lame.. yeah… * ashamed *
*YAY*
SATAN'S
OFFICE
*YAY*
SATAN'S
OFFICE
I SAY IT'S
HIS LOSS
47
END OF PART 1
NEXT EPISODE WILL COME NEXT YEAR,
SO THAT WE CAN MAKE MORE MONEY
AND REWRITE THE STORY AFTER WHAT
THE READERS THINK..
THAT WAY WE MAKE EVEN
MORE MONEY..
*
WOW KIDS..
THAT'S THE STORY ABOUT HOW
THE LG-CREW FIRST MET..
DAMN SWEET STORY..
REMINDS ME OF A STORY ABOUT
A LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
THAT WAS ON HER WAY..
DUDE..YOU BIG UGLY
FSCKING...EHH..WHATEVER
YOU ARE..
PREPARE TO GET
SOME ASS KICKING
OOO.. ASS KICKING,
THAT REMINDS ME
OF A STORY..
*
/PETER JACKSON
AT ROSKILDE #1
OH YEAH,
YOU'RE THAT DUDE
THAT FANCY THAT
WEIRD MUSIC
HEY DUDE !
MY NAME IS RICH
AND I'M FROM THE
STATES I LOOOOVE YOUR
COMIC MAN !
DUDE..
THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH 80'S
MUSIC
SURE IT'S NOT
*COUGH* GAY *COUGH*
EHH..
80's
80's
DUDE !
WHY THE FUCK
ARE YOU STANDING SO
CLOSE TO ME !?
80's
COME ON
GIVE UNCLE CHRISTIAN
A HUG *HICCUP*
YOU KNOW
YOU *HICCUP* WANT
*HICCUP*
48
YOU LOOK
CUTE
YOU GOT DRUNK AND
WENT AND SAW PET SHOP BOYS
WITH RICH DIDN’T YOU ?
DUDE
THERE IS NOTHING
WRONG *HICCUP* WITH
80’S MUSIC
Madsen: That’s Rich! If you ever meet me, I’ll tell you how we met that wicked cool guy at Roskilde. He travelled all the way from the US to Denmark, while
drunk, and having no clue what he was doing when he woke up. Yes, something like that.
AT ROSKILDE #3
DUDE, THIS
IS LINN AND SHE
WANTS TO LIVE
IN OUR CAMP
GIVE ME
ONE REASON WHY
YOU SHOULD LIVE
IN OUR CAMP
OH YEAH
DUDE
YOU LOOK LIKE
SHIT, DIDN’T SLEEP
SO GOOD ?
AT ROSKILDE #4
MMM...
COULDN’T SLEEP
BECAUSE SOME IDIOT
THAT KEPT SCREAMING
“THERE IS A GOD”
ALL NIGHT
I SUCK
THE COCK
GOOD
DUDE !
THROW AWAY
MARCUS’ TENT SO
WE CAN MAKE SOME
ROOM FOR HER
YEAH, THIS
FESTIVAL IS FILLED
WITH WEIRD
PEOPLE
AND WHEN THEY
DROVE THAT HUGE TRUCK
BY OUR CAMP DIDN’T
HELP EITHER
THERE IS
A GOOOOOOD!
FREE INTERNET
24/7
AT ROSKILDE #5
DUDE
WE’RE ALL HEADING
OVER TO SEE THE RED HOT
CHILI PEPPERS, WANNA
JOIN US ?
NOW, WHY
WOULD I WANNA
DO THAT ?
Madsen: Linn actually said that, she’s awesome!
Christian: Hahah, Linn said that for real :)
GOOD POINT
I THINK I’LL STAY
HERE AS WELL
49
WTF, I NEED
A BETTER GRAPHIC CARD.
I JUST LAGGED OUT WHEN
I DID THAT
WATCH
OUT BEHIND YOU
DUDE
EITHER THAT,
OR NO MORE CAFFEINE
FOR YOU MISTER !
I DON’T
PLAY IT ANYMORE
THOUGH
DAMN,
WARCRAFT 3
IS PRETTY COOL
DUDE
HOW COME
YEAH, IT
WAS PRETTY
COOL
THE AWARDS IN
MISC CATEGORIES HAS
BEEN HANDED OUT IN THE
“CARTOONISTS CHOICE
AWARDS”
WE WEREN’T
EVEN NOMINATED
AT ALL
AND WE
DIDN’T GET ONE
SINGLE AWARD
50
EVER SINCE
IT WAS RELEASED
BATTLE.NET HAS BEEN FILLED
WITH PEOPLE, AND THAT’S
NOT AS FUN
BUT
WE’RE NOT
MAD
Madsen: <this space intentionally left blank>
Christian: Space above for sale. E-mail [email protected] for pricing and payment options.
BUT...
ISN’T THAT
THE POINT WITH
BATTLE.NET ?
WHAT ?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED
TO RULE ALL IF THERE’S SO
MANY PEOPLE THERE ?
CUZ WE OWNZ
YOU ALL IN TEKKEN
BIOTCHES !
AAAH..
WEEKEND AGAIN
JUST GOING TO RELAX AND
PLAY SOME GAMES AND
GET DRUNK
SO HOW IS THAT
DIFFERENT FROM YOUR REGULAR
WORKING WEEK ?
WE DON’T
GET PAID DOING
IT !
MMM
TRUE THAT
SO THIS HUGE
PS2 CAME UP TO ME
AND ASKED IF I WAS A
NINTENDO, CUZ APPARENTLY HIS GF
WAS CHEATING ON HIM WITH
A NINTENDO
HELL NO,
HE WAS A HUGE
OH, I GUESS HE
DIDN’T GET MY MEMO.
DID YOU KICK HIS ASS ?
I SAID FAMICON FO’ LIFE
AND RAN AWAY
*BLINK*
I THINK WE’RE
LOST AGAIN DUDE
WELL, IF THAT
BIG PS2 EVER SHOWS
UP AGAIN HE’S GOING
TO REGRET IT
YOU WILL
KICK HIS ASS ?
NAH, I HIRED
THESE FIERCE DUDES.
THEY’LL EAT HIM UP AND SPIT
HIM OUT LIKE A BURGER
FROM MCDONALDS
WOW,
FIRST TIME THAT’S
EVER HAPPENED
I LIKE
CHEESE
*BLINK*
Christian: I was never into teletubbies, then again, i was never into crack-cocaine either.
Madsen: God bless the tellytubbies, they make the rest of us look sane. Even Peewee seems to be sane when compared to these guys.
51
DING DING DING
IT’S THE DAILY DOUBLE.
I’LL BET THREE THOUSAND,
THE ANSWER IS “THIS IS
RETARDED”...
I’LL TAKE
RETARDED FOR
THREE HUNDRED
NOW CALL
TRIPOD AND SAY WE CAN’T
BE HOSTED THERE
ANYMORE
DUDE
WHY ARE YOU
STEALING JOKES ?
YOUR PIERCINGLY-UNFUNNY “COMIC”
THAT I WASTED A HANDFUL OF SECONDS
READING SUCKS ASS. I’M NOT UNINTELLIGENT
ENOUGH TO DEVOTE AN EXTRIMELY MEDIOCRE
WEBPAGE TO MY LACK-OF-COMEDY, YOU, ON
THE OTHER HAND, OBVIOUSLY ARE.
WWW.GEOCITIES.CO..
IDIOT ?
CHECK HIS
WEBSITE...
ANALFACE
HEY, IF P-A CAN
STEAL AND GET AWAY WITH IT
THEN SO CAN I !
BWAHAHA
HAHAHHAHA
HAHA
(sfx)
WOW AN OLD
DUSTY APPLE II,
I'D BETTER CLEAN
IT OFF
52
*
M
E
E
P
*
HOLY CRAP
YOU'RE A GENIE !
YEP
I'M A GENIE
Madsen: Yeah, that’s Pola playing the role as his mighty emperor Steve Jobs.
Christian: Pola is the MAN!
WELL,
ACTUALLY I'M
STEVE JOBS BUT
CLOSE ENOUGH
*ROFL*
BWAHAHA
AHAHAHHAHAH
HAHAHA
WOW
STEVE JOBS
IS A GENIE
HOW ELSE
DO YOU THINK
I GOT APPLE BACK
ON THEIR FEET ?
I MEAN...WOW !
QUITE NICE IMHO
DUDE
HOW'S IT LIKE TO
BE A GENIE ?
SO STEVE,
I'VE ALWAYS
WONDERED..
WHY IS BILL
SO PISSED AT
APPLE AND LINUX?
Christian: More apple jokes, we all know it’s true though.
Madsen: Just for the record, I think this whole “a comment on each page”-idea really sucks.
EXCEPT THIS BILL
GUY KEEPS RUBBING ME
AND STEALING
MY IDEAS
PROBABLY BECAUSE
ME AND LINUS GOT
ALL THE CHICKS IN
HIGHSCHOOL
53
YUP
AND THIS WEEKS
SPECIAL OFFER IS...
SO DO I GET
3 WISHES ?
IF YOU WISH BILL
TO THE ETERNAL
FLAMES OF HELL
YOU GET 2 EXTRA
WISHES
SWEET
SO WHAT'S YOUR
WISH?
SO YOU WISHED FOR
A COCA-COLA, A PACK OF
CIGGARETTES AND A PHAT
INTERNET CONNECTION ?
YEP
HMM..
I WONDER
IF I CAN GET THE
PC-GENIE TO APPEAR
JUST LIKE MR.MADSEN
DID WITH THE
MACINTOSH
HMMM, A PC..
Error at adress 989748-434379099
8237737923989748-4343790998237
989748-4343790998237737923737923
please push ctrl+alt+del to
reboot 200.000 times
WHAT THE !?
DAMNIT !
54
Madsen: And yes, that’s a BSOD, but black, not blue. Black is the new black.
Christian: Back in black... nana nanana na
Error cuz I didn't get that raise
and that christmas-bonus that
bill promised me...
bill promised me...
please push ctrl+alt+del
to
IT WASN'T ME..
reboot 200.000 EHH..I
timesJUST STOOD
WHAT ?
HERE AND DID NOTHING
WHEN IT HAPPENED
WHAT THE !?
WHAT THE FUCK HAVE
YOU DONE MARCUS ?
I SWEAR...EHH...
bill promised me...
DUDE, IT'S MICROSOFT
THAT'S THE WAY IT HAPPENS..
YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING
8237737923989748-4343790998237
8237737923989748-4343790998237
8237737923989748-4343790998237
If you haven't seen this blue
screen before don't be alarmed
You'll get used to it..
HOW ARE WE GONNA
GET THIS SHIT TO
GO AWAY ?
HANG ON
I KNOW HOW TO
MAKE IT GO AWAY
Madsen: If you google for these comics, you’ll find a homepage with ‘em all in German, makes it twice as fun.
NOW LET ME SEE...
WHERE DID I PUT THAT
SLEDGEHAMMER ?
55
SAFE MODE
SAFE MODE
NOW DON'T DO
ANYTHING DUDE,
JUST STAND STILL..
UH-OH
WHAT'S THIS ?
OK
SAFE MODE
DUDE, I HAD
THIS WEIRD DREAM
LAST NIGHT..
I DREAMT
THAT WE ALL LIVED
IN A WORLD WERE
THERE WHERE NO BATTLES
ABOUT PCs AND MACs
SAFE MODE
SAFE MODE
MARCUS !
SAFE MODE
WE WHERE ALL
FRIENDS AND BILL
AND STEVE WERE BEST
FRIENDS...
..AND NO ONE
WAS HUNGRY AND
EVERYONE HAD
A HOME..
DUDE..
SAFE MODE
WHAT !?
SAFE MODE
HAVE YOU BEEN
SLEEPING TO CLOSE TO
THE PILE OF DIRTY
CLOTHES AGAIN ?
DUDE, I ALSO
HAD A DREAM
IT WAS ME, STEVE JOBS,
100MBIT INTERNET CONNECTION
A FTP FULL WITH PR0N DVD-RIPS
AND FREE COCA-COLA..
IT WAS SOO SWEET.
AND THEN STEVE
TOOK OF HIS CLOTHES
AND STARTED TO PLAY
WITH...
56
DID I SAY THAT LAST
PART OUT LOUD ?
WHAT ?!
Christian: I think Madsen is a little bit gay for Steve Jobs.
Madsen: Steve Jobs is awesome, so therefore his biceps must be too! It’s a fact! I can’t make things like this up.
I THOUGHT EVERYONE
HAD DREAMS ABOUT
STEVE NAKED ?
IF I SAY "YES" WILL
YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME ?
DUDE
ARE YOU HAVING
GAY-DREAMS ABOUT
STEVE JOBS ?
HELL YES
WELL..
THEN THE ANSWER IS "NO"
NOPE
K..HOW ABOUT HOT LESBIAN
SEX WITH A G4 ?
DAMN !
BILL GATES REALLY
IS ONE UGLY MF
DUDE
SWEET YOU BOUGHT
A NEW LAMP
COOL
DUDE,
DO YOU THINK I
WOULD BUY A LAMP FOR
$1700 ?
Madsen: I regret never buying that Lamp-looking iMac. I also regret not laying my balls on a highway and hitchhike.
Christian: I regret reading that last part, the mental horror!
WAIT
IS THIS A TRICK
QUESTION ?
57
SO WHAT DO
YOU THINK OF CHRISTIANS
NEW COMP ?
DUDE
THAT'S THE MOST
EXPENSIVE LAMP
I EVER SEEN
ALREADY ??
I'M PLANNING
MY APRILS FOOL
DAY JOKE
YES, YOU HAVE
TO PLAN IT VERY EXACT,
OR ELSE IT CAN GET
OUT OF HAND
JUST LOOK
AT THE NEW IMAC
FAVOURITE MOVIE QUOTES
HITEN MITSURUGI
RYU-RYU SOUSEN !
58
<GERMAN ACCENT>
I'LL BE BACK
</GERMAN ACCENT>
Christian: It’s madsen who is doing everything on an iMac now. Both of us are obsessive mac fanboys.
Madsen: *rawr*
OH YEAH BABY !
CUM ALL OVER MY
FACE !
DUDE,
WE NEED TO MAKE A GAME
SO THAT WE MAKE MUCH MONEY
AND GET FAMOUS AND GET
INVITED TO COOL PARTIES
AND SHIT LIKE THAT
NOW ALL WE
NEED IS AN IDEA
FOR A GAME
OK ?
I KNOW HOW WE’RE
GONNA GET SOME IDEAS
LETS GO OUT IN
THE GARDEN AND SMOKE TONS OF
CRACK AND JUST MAKE A GAME
ON WHAT WE SEE
SOME PEOPLE
DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHEN
WE’RE JOKING ABOUT
AMERICANS
SO HERE ARE
TWO EXAMPLES
DUDE,
THAT’S ALREADY
BEEN DONE
IT HAS ?
THIS IS A JOKE
YEAH,
PIKMIN
THIS IS NOT
A JOKE
AMERICANS
SUCKS CUZ THEY GAVE
US COCA-COLA
Madsen: Pikmin, the most obvious reason to gamedevelopers shall never smell their socks.
Christian: I actually liked pikmin, for about 2 hours.
AMERICANS SUCKS
CUZ THEY PRODUCED
MICROSOFT
59
HELLO
I’M HERE TO TALK
ABOUT MAKING
A GAME
DUDE
I HAVE A MEETING WITH A
GAME PRODUCER TODAY
SO HOW
DID IT GO ?
WELL, YOU WERE
RIGHT ABOUT THAT WHOLE
MAKE-GAMES-ON-CRACK
THING
DO YOU HAVE
ANY CRACK ?
SWEET!
GOOD LUCK
EEEH
NO?
DUDE...
LOOK AT
THIS FAN MAIL
I HATE YOU!
I’M AN AMERICAN AND I’M NOT STUPID!
DUDE, ISN’T
THAT LIKE SAYING:
“I’M A FISH BUT I DON’T
LIKE WATER” ?
(BTW, FORWARD THIS TO THAT OTHER
DUDE. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO CC:”
YES
DUDE
I KNOW WHY
THE XBOX IS SO
FUCKING HUGE
I’M AFRAID TO ASK
BUT WHY ARE THEY
SO BIG ?
60
WELL,
BILL GATES IS STUPID.
EVEN MORE STUPID THAN THE
REGULAR AMERICAN, SO HE
MUST BE AN ALIEN
Madsen: And yes, that fan-mail is for real.
Christian: We should have saved all those fan-mails and sold them on ebay.
WHICH MEANS THOSE
XBOXES ARE LANDING PLATFORMS
FOR HIS ALIEN FRIENDS SO THEY CAN FIND
EARTH WHEN THE M$ ALIEN
INVASION BEGINS
YOU’RE SICK
DUDE
TOP THREE SIGNS CHRISTIAN WAS AT A GREAT RELEASE PARTY
#1 ALCOHOL
#2 MALE BONDING
SERIOUSLY DUDE
LET GO OF MY LEG
#3 CANCELED AFTERPARTIES
BY THE
POWER OF MY BEER,
WE DEMAND
ENTRANCE !
BUT YOU
ARE GOD !
WOOT !
YES YES
NOW GO AWAY
FUCK OFF
WE’RE CLOSED
*HICCUP*
NOBODY LOVES ME
Madsen: This is a new and.. well.. this is a new format.
Christian: STFU!
61
SO SHOULD
WE DO A COMIC
TODAY ?
YEAH
LATER, I'VE GOT TO
FINISH THIS LEVEL
FIRST THOUGH
POKINGSTICK
AND NINJAS !
9 HOURS LATER
SO SHOULD
WE DO A COMIC NOW ?
DAMN
ONE MORE TRY
WE INVITED
A READER AGAIN,
SO THAT HE COULD TELL US
WHAT THE GENERAL PUBLIC WANT'S
TO SEE IN THE COMIC
SAY HELLO
TO SITHADMIN
2 HOURS LATER
DID YOU SAY
THAT YOU WANTED TO SEE
X-RATED VIOLENCE ON
HAMSTERVILLE
PEOPLE ?
NO, WAIT..
I SAID POKING STICKS AND..
SILENCE !
IM CONCENTRATING
D
RE
O
S
N
CE
AHHH !!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
STOP IT !
OK,
HERE'S A NINJA..
NOW, HOW
FUN WAS THAT ?
AND A
POKING STICK
NINJA !
62
DUDE, DON'T
UNDERESTIMATE MY
BRITISH HUMOR
WOW
Madsen: Sithadmin again! Or as we call him from now on, Sith “Prozac lover” Admin.
BACK TO CHRISTIAN IN:
ABOUT A DISK
IT WORKS
MY HARDDRIVE
LIVES ONCE AGAIN !
I AM THE
RULER OF YOU ALLYOU
HAVE
36764832 NEW
MAILS
GETTING MAIL 11543
OF 36764832...
ERROR...
DISK WRITE FAILURE
GOD !
YOUR ASS
IS MINE !
AND NOW OVER TO ERIC WITH
THE LATEST NEWS ABOUT THE
WAR AGAINST TERRORISM
HI, I'M STANDING HERE WITH BILL
GATES WHO'S GOING TO SPONSOR
THE US ARMY..
IN WHAT WAY DO YOU SPONSOR
THEM BILL ?
WELL, WE HAVE DONATED A
BUNCH OF PC'S TO BE USED
AS MISSILE-ENGINES
MR. MADSEN: OKAY, NOW
REMEMBER TO UPDATE DUDE
CHRISTIAN[LG]: YEAH, i WILL
5 HOURS LATER
MR. MADSEN: GOING TO UPDATE SOON ?
CHRISTIAN[LG]: YEAH I'M WORKING
ON IT DUDE.
AND HOW DOES THAT
BENEFIT THE US ARMY ?
WELL, EVEN IF THEY DON'T GO
AS FAST AS A MISSILE, IT SURE
AS HELL SOUND LIKE ONE
10 HOURS LATER
MR. MADSEN: DUDE, UPDATE ?
MR. MADSEN: HELLO ?
MR. MADSEN: WHAT THE FUCK !
Madsen: Yeah, Christian had some problems with his drive, I’ll let him rant about that.
Christian: I had 5 harddrive failures that year alone. 3 broke, on burned (circuits touched a screw) and i dropped one. That year sucked.
63
WELL, CHRISTIAN FORGOT
TO UPDATE LAST FRIDAY SO I TOOK
THE LITTLE PSX-TIME-MACHINE-THINGIE
BACK TO FRIDAY TO UPDATE WITH A LITTLE
“WORDS OF WISDOM”
MADSEN: DUDE YOU BETTER UPDATE!
MADSEN: FSCKING SHIT DUDE !
MADSEN: UPDATE !!!
OR AS I LIKE TO CALL
IT “CHRISTIAN WILL BE SORRY THAT
HE DIDN’T CHANGE THE FTP
PASSWORD”-COMIC
MADSEN: I KNOW YOU ARE THERE DUDE
MADSEN: DON’T TRY TO HIDE !
MADSEN: UPDATE !!!
ONCE WHEN WE WERE
IN HIGH SCHOOL CHRISTIAN KISSED
A BOY, AND HE LIKED IT
HOW THE
FSCK DID...
MADSEN: CUZ I’M L33T
MR. MADSEN: UPDATE UPDATE !
CHRISTIAN[LG]: MAKE ME BITCH !
I BOW TO NO ONE !
MR. MADSEN: PH33R ME!
MR.MADSEN: IS THAT SO .. ?
*SOB*
64
Christian: I can make madsen say things in the comments!
Madsen: The only real love is man-love!
10 MINUTES LATER
OOH..
YOU BOUGHT A NEW
GAME !
MY EYE'S !
WTF IS THIS PIECE
OF CRAP ?!
ENCLAVE
DAMNIT, COULDN'T
YOU JUST TOLD ME THAT
AND SPARED ME THE
PAIN !?
DUDE, I'M
WARNING YOU,
STAY BACK
MR MADSEN HAS LEFT THE COMIC
SCREW THIS SHIT
I'M GOING ON A TRIP
THIS GAME SUCKS
ALL GAMES SUCK NOW
AND YOU SUCK
A TRIP ?
YES A TRIP
I NEED TO FIGURE
SOME THINGS OUT
THANK YOU FOR THIS PAST YEARS
WRITING AND ENCOURAGEMENT...
IT WAS FUN - CHRISTIAN
FAREWELL...
THESE ARE
TRULY TURBULENT
TIMES
MADSEN STOPS
WRITING FOR LG
I GET A NEW
COMPUTER
BUT NEVER FEAR
I STARTED THIS COMIC
AND I WILL FINISH THIS
COMIC, BUT NOT AT
THE MOMENT
WHAT ?
EXPECTED ME
TO CRY ?
Madsen: Yeah, this is where I left the comic since Christian kept NOT updating, and I was sick of that, and the fact that he stole my teddy-bear every night.
Christian: I remember this, someone i know cried like a little girl for weeks... WEEKS.
65
MR. MADSEN: SO, HAS CHRISTIAN STARTED
TO CRY YET ?
MARCUS: NO NOT REALLY, HE SEEMS VERY
HAPPY THAT HE FINALLY CAN PLAY THE PS2
WITHOUT YOU HOGGING IT ALL THE TIME
MR. MADSEN: SO,UH OH
MARCUS: UH OH WHAT ?
MR. MADSEN: WELL, I KINDA “BORROWED”
THE PS2 CONTROLLERS
THAT LITTLE
ASSHOLE !!!
I WILL KILL HIM WITH
A PLASTIC SPOON THEN
I’LL WITH A DONKEY
MR. MADSEN: HAS HE FOUND OUT ?
MARCUS: OH YES
SO MADSEN
LEFT FOR GOOD
THIS TIME ?
WHY ?
I MEAN, HE TOOK ALL THIS STUFF
HIS COMPUTERS, HIS PR0N SERVER,
YOUR PS2 CONTROLLERS
FINALLY
UNDISPUTED RULER
OF THE COUCH !
GOD SAVE HIM...
WHY HELLO
THERE CUTE NINJA
MINIONS
WE NEED
MR. BAD SPELLING
BACK
WITH NEW PS2
CONTROLLERS
OH YEAH
WHAT FOR ?
66
AND HIS PS2 IS
BROKEN
TRUE THAT
BUT HE FORGOT A
CRUCIAL PIECE IN
THE EQUATION
I DON'T
THINK SO
THE ONLY FORM
OF CONNECTION HE HAS
AT HIS HOUSE IS A BROKEN
OLD 28.8 MODEM !
HE WAS GOOD
NINJA PRACTICE
HE RUN VERY FAST
UNLIKE MR. DOLLMAN
HE RUN LIKE SISSY GIRL
Madsen: “Mamma, får får får? Nej, får får inte får, får får lamm.” <- Good luck translating that if you’re not Swedish
Christian: No, i won’t translate... maybe if you buy me beer....
I DON'T
THINK SO DUDE.
BESIDES, HE'S PROBABLY
OUT THERE HAVING THE TIME
OF HIS LIFE, DRINKING, PICKING UP
GIRLS AND HAVING FUN.
WILL MADSEN
EVER COME BACK ?
I MISS HIM.
WILL TRADE
SEX
FOR
BANDWIDTH
SORRY ABOUT THE
LACK OF A COMIC LAST
FRIDAY BUT I JOINED SOME FRIENDS
TO DRINK "A BEER" AND I GOT
REALLY REALLY
REALLY
REALLY REALLY
REALLY
REALLY REALLY
REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY
REALLY REALLY
REALLY REALLY REALLY
REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY
REALLY REALLY
DRUNK
REALLY
REALLY REALLY
REALLY REALLY
YOU SUCK
DUDE
TODAYS LESSON
IN "SILENT" COMEDY
R
LT
*U
*
KE
O
AP
Madsen: HAH! No I won’t trade sex for bandwidth.. ehm.. unless you have some to trade me.
Christian: Man i love that bandwidth comic, on of the few really good ones ;)
L
LO
67
NINJA SCHEDULE TODAY
WE FOOL MR. RULE OF TEKKEN
THAT MR. BAD SPELLING WILL PAY
MANY MONEY TO COME BACK
AFTER THAT WE STEAL SISSY BOYS MONEY
EVERYONE
UNDERSTAND ?
WELL...
NOT IT !
YES
NOT IT !
YES
THEN WE BRING DONKEY, LITTLE TREE AND
USE SUPER SECRET TECHNIQUE WITH SPECIAL
SAUCE ON TOP
YES
BUT WHO
NINJA NO 3 ?
NOT IT !
NOT...
AWW STUPID
NINJA RULE
ALSO. NINJA NO 3 NEED NOT TO FORGET
SHOPPING.
DOWNLOADING XXX_SUPERPORN.MPG
320 K/sec 30.1 MB/430.3 MB 5:25 REMAINING
320 K/sec 400.8 MB/430.3 MB 0:40 REMAINING
0.2 K/sec 400.8 MB/430.3 MB 825412351:40 REM
ERROR !
QUOTA EXCEEDED
CAPPING BANDWIDTH ..
MADSEN[LG]: SO WE'RE GOING OUT FOR
A REUINON BEER THEN ?
MARCUS[LG]: CAN I COME TOO ?
CHRISTIAN[LG]: YEAH SURE...
I'M LEAVING NOW.
68
Madsen: When it’s time to party, we party hard. No blowup-dolls allowed.
Christian: *headbanging&partyinghard*
MADSEN[LG] LEFT #LGCULT
CHRISTIAN[LG] LEFT #LGCULT
MARCUS[LG]: GUESS NOT...
DON’T EVER EVER
EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER..
EVER EVER
TELL YOUR BOSS WHAT
COPY/PASTE IS
L33T RULES #1
L33T RULES #2
SEARCH THE WEB:
"MEANING OF LIFE"
IF YOUR BOSS
ASKS YOU TO MAKE SOME
SHIT FOR HIM AND HE ASKS HOW
LONG IT TAKES...
SEARCHING....
CHANGE MINUTES
TO HOURS IN YOUR
REPLY
SEARCH COMPLETE
10090898445546 HITS FOUND
1. PORN
2. MORE PORN
3. EVEN MORE PORN
YAY !
MORE...
Madsen: Little known fact is that “Last night copy/paste saved my life” was the song title was from the start, but then someone changed it to DJ and
not copy/paste.
69
MR. MADSEN
IS NOT IN RIGHT NOW
PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE
AFTER THE FINGER
HEY
WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?
DIDN'T YOU LEAVE
HEY
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
IS THE SIDEWALK NOT
COMFY ENOUGH?
CAN'T WE JUST
GET ALONG, PLEASE?
70
WAI!
MR BAD SPELLING
BACK !
WELL
I WAS TIRED OF GIVING
HANDJOBS FOR BANDWIDTH
AND MY GIRL KICKED
ME OUT
SO YOU
ARE HERE BEGGING
FOR FORGIVENESS?
Madsen: That finger thing is trademarked and patent is pending, just FYI.
THE NINJAS
REALLY MISSED YOU
I...CAN
SEE...THAT
NOT REALLY
I SOLD THE PS2 CONTROLLERS
I "BORROWED" FROM YOU AND I
NEED A NEW PAIR.
CHRISTIAN[LG] WAS SNIPED BY IRONPHEONIX
CHRISTIAN[LG] WAS
WAS SNIPED
SNIPED BY
BY IRONPHEONIX
IRONPHEONIX
CHRISTIAN[LG]
DAMN
ARE YOU READY
FOR SOME SERIOUS TRICK
OR TREATING ?
BTW, WHERE
IS MARCUS ?
DO YOU THINK I
DRESS UP AS A BUNNY
FOR FUN ?
DOOM DOOM DOOM
DOOOOOOM !
UH OH...
Madsen: Marcus in a invader-zim-robot-costume.
Christian: Man, Zim is one of the bestest thingies ever!
Big robot © Invader Zim
71
DATE POSTED: 07/05/02 FRI
AUTHOR: A MOM
SUBJECT: NINTENDO=MASTURBATION
AID FOR TEENAGE GIRLS.
DATE POSTED: 07/05/02 FRI
AUTHOR: MARCUS[LG]
SUBJECT: RE: NINTENDO=MASTURBATION
AID FOR TEENAGE GIRLS.
I HAVE JUST CAUGHT MY 15 YEAR OLD GIRL,
MASTURBATING WITH A VIBRATING 'CONTROL
PAD' ON A NINTENDO GAMECUBE. NOW I
AM BANNING THIS VIBRATOR FROM MY
HOUSEHOLD, I THINK THAT WE SHOULD CALL
FOR THE BANNING OF THESE SO CALLED
GAME CONSOLES.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES OF SAID
EVENT IN PROGRESS ?
VIDEO WOULD BE EVEN BETTER!
AND THAT CONCLUDES TODAYS
LESSON IN:
I LIEK UR COMIC!
YOU MAKE TEH BEST FUNNY!!!!!!!
CAN I USE PIXX FROM UR SITE PLS PLS PLS !?
I ALSO MAKE WEBCOMIC. PLEASE SEE IT.
1. WHY I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT
ANSWERING CERTAIN MAILS ANYMORE
/ [email protected]
2. RETARDED IDIOTS WHO WANT TO
SHOW THEIR WEBCOMIC TO ME AND
FORGOT TO INCLUDE THE URL.
I'M SICK!
MR CHRISTIAN
SAY HE NO CAN MAKE COMIC TODAY
HE SAY HE VERY VERY..
......BUSY
72
YES YES
HE VERY VERY SICK
HE HAS INFLATABLE SUPER
TURTLE FLU
DID YOU
TELL THEM ?
YES
EXACTLY LIKE
INSTRUCTED
GOOD
NOW LEAVE
I HAVE A SHITLOAD OF
NEW GAMES TO PLAY
Madsen: I’m thinking about getting my GF Rez and that vibrator-thing, but I have a feeling I’d be homeless if I did.
Christian: We all know it’s not for her mister!
I HAVE
ALSO BEEN WORKING ON
NEW MERCHANDISE LIKE
BLACK T-SHIRTS
AND STUFF
TODAY
I HAVE BEEN
WORKING VERY HARD
ON THE NEW LG
WEBSITE
CHRISTIAN[LG] WAS SHOT
IN THE HEAD BY ÜBERBLOHM
ERR
WORKING
REAL HARD
YES…
I'LL LET
YOU PLAY THIS TIME
SERIOUSLY
PLEASE GUYS
TAKE ME DOWN ?
NO
NO
GUYS COME ON
TAKE ME DOWN
NO HEAR
NO
LOOK
SHINOBI IS NINJA GAME
AND NINJA NEED TO
TEST IT FIRST
AND LAST TIME
YOU TRIED TO STAB
ME IN FACE
HELLO ?
YOU HAVE
FINISHED THE GAME
LIKE 5 TIMES NOW
NO SEE
NO CARE
GUYS ?
YOU THERE ?
TIME
FOR NINJA
LUNCH
Madsen: Everytime you feel like mailing me about the lack of ninjas in the comic, just look at this page, and then STFU!
Christian: They are our most popular characters.
73
DAMN YOU !
I WILL TAKE REVENGE
FOR TAPING ME TO THE ROOF
MARK MY WORDS NINJAS
AAARGH
IT'S ITCHING
YES YES
PH33R ME
PH33R
TAKE ME DOWN !
TAKE ME DOWN !
PH33R ME
TAKE ME DOWN !
TAKE ME DOWN !
HMM
MR. CHRISTIAN IS NOT
ON ROOF ANYMORE
MUCH
TRUENESS IN
YOUR WORD
WE MEET
AGAIN
BUT WE DID
NOT TAKE HIM
DOWN !
NINJAS !
BUT...
TO BE CONTINUED...
YOU HAPPY
WITH NINJA GIFT ?
HEY
MASTER
...
HEY
MASTER!
74
YES?
Madsen: ..same goes for this page.
Christian: Mmmm, ninjas.
YES YES
MEDAL OF HONOR : SPEARHEAD
IS REALLY GOOD
THANKS DUDES
HEY
I WAS SUPPOSED TO
WHOOP YOUR ASSES FOR TAPING ME
TO THE ROOF
GERMAN GUY
SHOOTING AT YOU
DAMN
I'LL WHOOP YOU
LATER THEN
SORRY GUYS
I'M GONE TODAY SO HERE IS
SITHADMIN TO DO A STAND-IN COMIC
HI
ERRR
I'M SITHADMIN
*
AND I AM FUNNY...
*POKE
YEAH...
YAY
YOU SUCK
HEY DUDE
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING ?
OH, IS IT
TEH WIN ?
PLAYING CIV3
“PLAY THE WORLD”
(CIVILIZATION ONLINE)
MARCUS[LG]: DUDE I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY
CIV3-PTW GAME, DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD HELP ME ?
MARCUS[LG]: WELL, EVERY TIME I LAUNCH THE
GAME IT FREEZES OR CRASHES,
YOU KNOW WHY ?
CIV3ADM:
CIV3ADM:
SURE, WHAT SEEMS TO BE
THE PROBLEM ?
*CRASH-ALL-THE-TIME*
YEAH AND IT SEEMS
TO HAVE THIS NEW
FEATURE AS WELL
MAY BE BECAUSE YOU ARE RUNNING
A WAREZED COPY ?
Madsen: Look! It’s Sith “Prozac lover” Admin again (omg is he gonna hate me for that nickname, haha)
MARCUS[LG]: NO I’M NOT, MY FRIEND
BURNED IT FOR ME.
CIV3ADM:
YOU KNOW I HAVE YOUR IP ?
75
SUBJECT: BROKEN MAXTOR DISK
HELLO MAXTOR SUPPORT ?
MY HARD DRIVE BROKE AND
I WANT A NEW ONE SINCE THE
WARRANTY COVERS IT
RE: BROKEN MAXTOR DISK
SURE, NO PROBLEM
JUST SEND IN THE BROKEN DRIVE TO US.
WE WILL SEND YOU THE INSTRUCTIONS AND
ADDRESSES BY EMAIL.
DO YOU KNOW ???
RE: BROKEN MAXTOR DISK
REMEMBER YOU MUST FOLLOW THE CORRECT
PACKAGING PROCEDURES WHEN YOU SEND THE
BROKEN DRIVE TO US. FIRST YOU MUST WRAP IT
IN 213 LAYERS OF STYROFOAM AND SEAL IT
SHUT WITH SILICONE WHILE WEARING A
HAMSTER SUIT. AND DON'T FORGET TO SING
CHRISTMAS SONGS BACKWARDS WHILE DOING
ALL THIS OR YOUR WARRANTY WILL BE VOIDED
/ BEST REGARDS, MAXTOR SUPPORT
PS. ALL YOUR DRIVES ARE BELONG TO US .DS
THE COMIC
TURNS 2 YEARS OLD
ON SUNDAY
DO YOU KNOW ???
DO YOU KNOW ???
WHICH MEANS
SO DO WE !
DO YOU KNOW ???
KNOW WHAT ?
COOL DUDE
I'LL WHIP OUT THE BEER
YOU GET THE BOOZE
AND MARCUS
YOU..ERR DO WHATEVER YOU
USUALLY DO
DOLLS !
OK
I'LL TAKE IT BACK
YOU MAKE BADASS
COFFEE
THE...
PAIN....
76
Madsen: And that’s why I don’t ever drink coffee.
Christian: And that’s why i drink coffee.
AND THERE
HE GOES
I CALL
THAT BLEND
"BLACK TAR HEROINE
WITH CRACK"
MR MADSEN
WENT OUT FOR
A WHILE
SO…
YEAH…
WELL
TIME TO CHECK
SOME MAILS
SO…
FROM: [email protected]
SUBJECT: PAY OR DIE
YOU OWE US $10 000
PAY IN 3 WEEKS OR FACE DOOM
PLEASE LET IT BE12 HOURS LATER
A NIGHTMARE
$10 000 PLEASE LET IT BE
$10 000
PLEASE LET
ITNIGHTMARE
BE
PLEASE
LETAIT
BE
$10 000
A NIGHTMARE
A NIGHTMARE
$10 000
PLEASE
LET
ITLETBE
PLEASE
IT BE
PLEASE LET IT BE
$10A 000
A NIGHTMARE
NIGHTMARE
PLEASE
IT BE
A LET
NIGHTMARE
PLEASE LET IT BE
PLEASEA LET
IT ABENIGHTMARE
NIGHTMARE
A NIGHTMARE
PLEASE
LET IT BE
$10 000
A NIGHTMARE
PLEASE LET IT BE
A NIGHTMARE
STEP 3 SUCKS
YOU'LL GET LIKE $5
FOR MARCUS
MASTERPLAN
OBJECT: GET $10000
1. SELL THE CAR
2. BEG FROM OUR READERS
3. SELL MARCUS
SO
WHAT DO
YOU THINK ?
YEAH I KNOW
I NEED $5 FOR
COLA DUDE
OH SORRY!
MY BAD
WELL…
Christian: Let’s dance! Put on your red shoes and.... errr... dance... ? The tax thing was real, it sucked golfballs.
77
COULD SOMEONE
BEHIND THE REGION X THINGIE
FOR THE GAMECUBE PLEASE EMAIL
US, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE !
OH, TOO MUCH
INFO THERE ?
YEAH, SOMETIMES
I HAVE WET DREAMS
ABOUT YOU GUYS
WE LOVE
YOU GUYS ! AND
NEED TO TALK
TO YOU !
YEP, A BIT
TOO MUCH
... SO NOW
YOU KNOW WHAT
TO DO WHEN THE IRS
GUY COMES
OVER.
LET’S
PRACTICE
MADSEN !
GET IN HERE
GOOD... GOOD
WHAT IS
UP ?
NOW WE
ARE TRULY READY
TO FACE EVIL...
MY...
SPINE....
SILENCE !
I’M REMEMBERING GOOD
GAMECUBE-TIMES
AAAH
YES
WTF ARE
YOU STARING AT DUDE ?
YOU SOLD YOUR GAMECUBE
YESTERDAY...
YEAH...
78
Christian: Ah, good gamecube times.
LIKE WHAT ?
THE MOMENT YOU GOT
CASH FOR IT ?
KERNEL PANIC!
(R)EBOOT ? (S)TFU ? (D)IE ?
AAH
CHRISTMAS
AGAIN...
WARMTH
GIFTS, BOOZE,
FRIENDS AND...
WEBPAGES
WITH HEAVY METAL
XMAS SONGS
SUBJECT: WHAT THE FUCK!??
WHY HAVEN’T YOU (INSERT
RANDOM THING CHRISTIAN IS
SUPPOSED TO DO HERE) ?
WELL
I’LL LET DR. MADSEN
HERE ANSWER THIS ONE
WHY
THANK YOU
Madsen: Yes, it’s written on a site at geocities.com, so it must be true; Christian drinks like girl.
Christian: Disco sux, punk is gay, heavy metal all the way!
AS YOU ALL MAY
HAVE NOTICED CHRISTIAN HERE
HAVEN’T DONE ANY OF THE SHIT HE HAS
PROMISED. THIS DUE TO THE FACTS OF CHRISTMAS,
STRESS AND THAT HE GOT DRUNK AS A GIRL
ON PROMNIGHT AND SPENT CHRISTMAS
DAY THROWING UP
MAY GOD
HAVE MERCY ON HIS
SOUL
79
PPY
HA YEAR
W
NE
PPY
HA YEAR
W
NE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEN !!!!
U
Q
G
C IN
N
A
D
PPY NEW YE
HA
DANCING QUEEEEEEEEE
EEEE
N
200 3
DANC
AR
OH
ALMOST
FORGOT
ING QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEN !!!
!
SEE
YOU NEXT
YEAR...
THE GAYNESS
STOPS NOW !
I’M BACK
!!!!
DEAR MR.MADSEN
PLS COME BACK TO THE COMIC.
I’LL DO ANYTHING !
I’LL EVEN LICK YOUR B****
/JESSICA
80
START LICKING
BABY !
Madsen: I get back into the comic again, after signing a contract with Christian on new years eve that I can do what I want with the comic for a year, if I double
the traffic, which I actually did. Going from 20 to 40 readers wasn’t that hard ;)
WELL, DUDE,
WELCOME BACK
EHM, WHY
IS EVERYTHING
SO BROWN ?
THX
SO, WHAT
NEWS DO YOU BRING
FROM THE WORLD
OUTSIDE ?
SO..
PLAYED ANY
NEW GAMES
LATELY ?
WELL, A FRIEND
THAT WORKS OVER AT
IGN.COM TOLD ME THAT
THEIR ORIGINAL NAME
WAS “SNOWBALL”
YEAH, I'VE
STARTED PLAYING
NWN ONLINE
LIKE CRAZY
NOT TALKING
TO THE WOOKIE
MAKES YOU DO STUFF
LIKE THIS
TRUE..
EH..
OOOOH !
THAT’S NASTY
DUDE
SO ?
BUT, I
THOUGHT YOU
DISSED THAT
GAME ?
YEAH,
HEHE
NO I
DIDN’T, IT
RULES I TELL
YOU !
OH, YOU
FOUND OUT HOW TO
CHEAT AND LEVEL YOUR
CHARACTERS FASTER ?
BUSTED !
HELL YEAH !
I MEAN, NO I
DON’T CHEAT !
Madsen: I had a meeting in Copenhagen with one of the CEOs of IGN, and he told me that, we both laughed while the rest of the people in the room didn’t get
it.
81
OMG DUDE,
APPLE IS SO L33T..
LAST NIGHT THEY
RELEASED A BUNCH
OF NEW APPS
ILIFE, DUDE,
WHAT KINDAH LAME
NAME IS THAT ?
LIKE ILIFE,
NOW THAT’S
A COOL .APP
SO, DID YOU DOWNLOAD
THAT “LORD OF THE RING FELLOWSHIP
OF THE RING” FROM MY SERVER TO
WATCH BEFORE YOU GO SEE
“THE TWO TOWERS” ?
THAT’S
NOT LAME
DUDE !
YEAH, WHAT
EVER DUDE
THERE’S ONE THING THO,
I DIDN’T REMEMBER A DOUBLE
ANAL PENETRATION FROM
LAST TIME I SAW IT
NOW TAKE
YOUR IASS OVER TO
THE IFRIDGE AND GET
ME AN IBEER
NOW
SEE, THAT
WAS COOL
IBITCH
OH, YOU DOWNLOADED
“WHORE OF THE RING”, THAT’S
NOT THE ONE YOU WANTED
AAHHHH..
I THOUGHT THAT
FRODO-DUDE LOOKED
DIFFERENT
YEAH, THANKS,
I OWE YOU ONE
I'M ACTUALLY
GLAD THEY RELEASED
THAT TWO TOWER
MOVIE
OH, I THOUGHT
YOU HATED THAT
WHOLE LORD OF THE
RING THINGIE
82
YEAH, BUT
I'M JUST WAITING
FOR ALL THE PRON
REMAKES OF IT
Madsen: One of the worlds divine wonders, “Whore of the ring” (the German version of course).
WHO CAN
FORGET PRON MOVIES LIKE
“SCHINDLERS’ FIST”, “FOREST
HUMP” AND “THE TEXAS
DILDO MASSACRE”
TRUE
TRUE..
I DREAMT
I WAS LEECHING
AS A MADMAN
SEEN
“THE RING”
YET ?
NOPE, ANY
GOOD ?
WE JUST GOT SOME
NEWS THAT 90% OF THE
EMPLOYEES OVER AT FRAMFAB
READS LITTLE GAMERS
DUDE, I’M
NOT A BAD
SPELLER !
CREEPY
AT FIRST WE
WERE GREATLY
HONORED
BUT THEN
WE FOUND OUT THAT
THERE’S ONLY 15 PEOPLE
WORKING THERE NOW
TRY SAYING
SOMETHING
OK, LETS
DO A LITTLE
EXPERIMENT
Madsen: I’m sick of this “Madsen can’t spell”-shit.
AND THEN
THE PHONE RANG
AND SOMEONE SAID
“7 GB LEFT”
YEAH, BUT IT
GAVE ME HORRIBLR
NIGHTMARES
PLUS THEY
WOULDN’T HIRE
MADSEN WHEN HE ASKED
FOR A JOB THERE SOME
YEARS AGO
SO FRAMFAB,
STOP READING
BITCHES !
MEOW !!
LIEK
WHATT ?
JUST AS
I THOUGHT
WTF ?!
83
DUDE, CHECK THIS
OUT, I INSTALLED
A SPELL CHECKER IN
THE COMIC.. SAY
SOMETHING
HEY
WHATTA FUKC ?
THIS SUKCS
SOMMETHIGN
SO
HOW IS WORK
NOWADAYS ?
MRMADSEN: DAMNIT, I HATE THIS HOB !
ALWAYS THE SAME SHIT DAY
IN AND DAY OUT..
CHRISTIAN: YEAH, MUST BE TOUGH DOING
THE SAME SHIT EVERY DAY
NOW EVERIONE KAN
Madsen: REALLY SICKK OF IT!
IGNORANCE
IS BLISS
SE MY BADD SPELING
WELL, I’VE
BEEN FIRED 3 TIMES
THIS WEEK, AND 16
TIMES LAST WEEK
MADSEN !
ARE YOU COMING ?!
MRMADSEN: GOT TO GO, THE BOSS IS
CALLING ME.. BYE !
84
DUDE.
THEY SAW IT BEFORE
TOO, ONLY DIFFERENCE IS
THAT NOW YOU SEE IT
YOURSELF
IS YOUR
BOSS TRYING TO
QUIT SMOKEING
AGAIN ?
YEAH
HURRY, THE
BEER IS GETTING
WARM AND I’M GONNA
KICK YOUR ASS IN
DOA3 !
POOR ME
WTF, WHY DID
YOU CHANGE HOSTING
SERVER TO THIS
ONE ?!
AND IT’S
IN THE U.S. ?
HE SAID THE SERVER
HAD A REALLY GOOD CPU
ON A REALLY PHAT PIPE
I MEAN, IT’S
EASY TO RESIST THOSE
SUPER HOT CHICKS..
..SINCE WE
ALL KNOW THAT
HOT CHICKS CAN’T COOK,
AND THAT’S WHAT
REALLY MATTERS
WHA ?
FELLOW AMERICANS BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH <INSERT PATRIOTIC BULLSHIT HERE> BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH..
YEAH, I’M
BEGINNING TO
THINK SO TOO
WELL, YEAH..
THIS
TEMPTATION
ISLAND IDEA IS
SO WEAK
.. AND NOW THE PRESIDENT OF THE USA
YOU KNOW
THAT MEANS A
TWEAKED 56.6
MODEM ON
A 486
..ONCE AGAIN, WE ARE CALLED TO DEFEND THE
SAFETY OF OUR PEOPLE, AND THE HOPES OF ALL
MANKIND, AND WE ACCEPT THIS RESPONSIBILITY
BUT SWAP THE
GF OUT WITH A MODEM
AND THE HOT CHICKS WITH
100MBIT ISP’S..
YOU’RE
SICK
..THE UNITED NATIONS SECURITY COUNCIL
GAVE SADDAM HIS FINAL CHANCE TO DISARM,
HE HAS SHOWN INSTEAD HIS UTTER CONTEMPT
FOR THE U.S. AND THE OPINIONS OF THE
WORLD..
WHO NEEDS
COMEDY CENTRAL
WHEN WE’VE GOT
THIS DUDE ?
Madsen: President Bush, he’s on the Comedy Central’s payroll, it’s true.
..AND THEN
WE HAVE A REAL
CHALLENGE
TRUE
85
QUOTE FROM THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION:
“.. WE BELIEVE THAT NORWAY IS THE MISSING
LINK BETWEEN AL-QAIDA AND SADDAM”
DUDE, YOU
KNOW WHAT ?
I BELIEVE THERE
IS A GOD
WELL, LOOK
AT THE U.S.
OH,
WHY THIS SUDDEN
ILLUMINATION ?
WHAT THE HELL HAVE
YOU BEEN UP TO ?
THE NEWS SAID
SOMETHING ABOUT A
THEFT WAVE HITTING
THE CITY...
DUDE, NO
IT’S NOT, A PACK
OF CIGARETTES COSTS
$7 IN NORWAY
OMG, EVIL
BASTARDS !
WELL, THERE
IS A GOD, AND HE’S
PLAYING SIM EARTH
IF THAT IS
TRUE, THEN HE REALLY
SUCKS AT THAT
GAME
HUH ?
SO I HAVE
TAKEN PRECAUTIONS
AND SECURED MY
COMPUTER
I’VE HEARD NOISES
ALL MORNING
86
WOAH !
WHO SAW THAT
COMING ?
I MEAN
NORWAY IS SUCH
A NICE COUNTRY
YEAH
RIIIIIIIGHT...
Madsen: This page is crazy.. see.. page 88.. a cup of copyright infringement anyone ?
BEWARE 92
CAUTION
NINJA
Y
RD DUT
ON GUA
POKING STICK
WILL BE USED
REPEATEDLY ON
INTRUDERS
BILLION
TON
OMFG !
LOOK AT ALL THE
HOT CHICKS DUDE
OMG, IS THIS
HEAVEN !?
SHIT, LOOK
AT THOSE TWO HOT
CHICKS MAKING OUT
OVER THERE
DUDE, HANG ON.
WHAT MUSIC IS THAT ?
IS THAT BRITNEY ?
DUDE, HOT CHICKS
AND BRITNEY MUSIC,
SHOULD I CRY OR
SHOULD I LAUGH
DUDE, MANY
PEOPLE ARE WONDERING
WHY THEY HAVEN’T SEEN
MARCUS FOR A WHILE
.. SO THIS
IS WHAT HELL
IS LIKE
JUST
KIDDING
*LOL*
.. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MR. COLIN POWELL
EVIDENCE #1
MICHAEL JACKSON LOOKS LIKE HE’S BEEN SHOT
IN THE FACE BY A TERRORIST, SADDAM LIKES
MICHAEL JACKSON’S MUSIC, AND THERE’S THE
CONNECTION SADDAM AND THE TERRORISTS..
EVIDENCE #2
LISTEN TO THIS TAPE, THIS IS MY NEIGHBOR
TALKING GIBBERISH, BUT IT COULD JUST AS
WELL BE AN IRAQ SOLIDER TALKING SHIT ABOUT
THE UNITED STATES OF FUCKING AMERICA..
Madsen: Weirdest party I’ve ever been to, but I got a good Britney mix-tape with me home that evening.
EVIDENCE #3
LOOK AT THIS PICTURE, PLEASE NOTE THAT THE
IRAQ-PEOPLE HAVE HANDS, THESE COULD BE USED
TO LAUNCH NUCLEAR WEAPONS..
IS CNN
BROADCASTING
COMEDY CENTRAL
EVERY DAY NOW ?
LOOKS
LIKE IT
87
I WAS
THINKING A
DDR MAT AND
A DDR GAME
IT’S MY GF’S
BIRTHDAY SOON
OH ?
WHAT ARE
YOU GETTING
HER ?
WHY WOULD
YOU BUY HER
THAT ?
FUCK YOU ASSHOLE, AMERICANS CAN RIP YOUR
DAMN COUNTRY A NEW ANUS. YOU GUYS ARE
GAY SWEDISH GAYS, AND I BET YOU LOVE BROWN
PEOPLE AS WELL, YOU STUPID SONS OF BITCHES,
BUSH IS THE GREATEST AND YOU ARE GAY
SWEDISH FAGS THAT ARE STUPID !!
I HOPE YOU BOTH GO ON A TRIP TO IRAQ WHEN
WE BOMB THOSE STUPID FUCKS...*
I BET THIS DUDE IS
13 YEARS OLD, FROM TEXAS
AND HIS FATHER’S BROTHER
IS HIS BROTHER
WELL,
IT’S A LITTLE LESS
OBVIOUS WAY OF TELLING
HER SHE’S GOT A
FAT ASS
YOU’RE AN EVIL
EVIL BOY
DUDE, DO YOU KNOW
HOW HARD IT IS TO GET
YOUR UNCLE TO ALSO BE
YOUR BROTHER ?
YOU SHOULD
GIVE HIM SOME
CREDIT FOR
THAT
TRUE
* ACTUAL FANMAIL
JUST ONE
MORE THING BEFORE
WE DO THAT
WELL, LET’S
PUT ALL THIS SHIT
BEHIND US NOW AND
CONCENTRATE ON THE
FUTURE INSTEAD
YES
88
Madsen: Actual actual actual true fanmail.
WHAT DO
YOU HAVE TO
SAY ?
JOHN SLINGER,
CAN YOU SAY
“OWNED” ?
HEY DUDES !
I’M BACK FROM
BARCELONA !
JUST KIDDING
DUDE, WELCOME BACK,
WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO NOW ?
SO ?
WELL, I’M GOING
TO GET A JOB AND
START MY LIFE, IT’S
ABOUT TIME I DO
THAT NOW
HOW’S IT GOING
WITH THAT WHOLE
STARTING YOUR
LIFE THING ?
SEE YOU
LATER
DUDE, WHO
YOU TRYING
TO FOOL ?
IT’S GOING
GOOD, IRL REALLY
ROCKS
IRL
SUCKS
YEAH, YOU
ARE RIGHT, I’M
GOING BACK TO
BARCELONA
I KNOW THIS
IS GOING TO SOUND
LIKE A CLICHE,
BUT..
.. HE’S BEEN
GONE ?
NICE WAY
TO MAKE THAT
PROBLEM GO
AWAY
Madsen: Marcus spent a great whole lot of time in Barcelona after highschool, we think he’s got a family and 3 children there or something.
HEHE
89
DUDE, THIS
NEWSPAPER IN DENMARK
WANTS TO FEATURE US
AT THEIR SITE
I WAS
WONDERING IF
IT WAS OK WITH
YOU
WELL, THEY’RE
WILLING TO PAY US
MONEY, BUT..
MB IF
YOU GAVE ME A
GOOD REASON
SO ?
NEWSPAPERDUDE: SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT
FROM US IN EXCHANGE FOR
US USING YOUR NAME AT
OUR SITE ?
CHRISTIAN[LG]: EHM, HANG ON, NEED TO
GO TO THE BATHROOM, BRB !
..BUT, PROSTITUTION
IS LEGAL IN DENMARK AND
I THOUGHT MAYBE..
DON’T FINISH
THAT SENTENCE
PLEASE !
NEWSPAPERDUDE: TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT..
WELL, ONE DV-CAM, SOME
TAPES, 2 STRAP-ON’S, 2
HOOKERS AND 30 MINUTES
CHRISTIAN[LG]: ALONE IN A ROOM..
HEHE
CENSORED
WTF !?
LET’S JUST SAY THAT CHRISTIAN IS INSERTING
OBJECTS INTO PLACES MR.MADSEN DOESN’T
WANT THEM PLACED, AND YOU WOULDN’T WISH
UPON YOUR WORST ENEMY..
DUDES, WHAT
ARE YOU PLAYING ?
PLAYING
METROID PRIME
90
DUDE, YOU
HAVE A PAL GAMECUBE
AND THE GAME IS NTSC
AND YOU HAVE NO
FREELOADER
HAVE YOU EVEN
NOTICED THAT THE
SCREEN IS ALL
BLACK ?
OH, I THOUGHT
THAT IT HAD A 30
MINUTE BOOT-TIME
LIKE MY PC
Madsen: Yup, we were supposed to be mainstream-whore in a paper, but I think the “pay us with midgetsex” didn’t get them hooked on little gamers.
帯域幅のために働く
I DON’T KNOW
WTF YOU JUST SAID,
BUT I AGREE TOTALLY
為のために働く!
NOW PLEASE
GO AWAY
EHM, SORRY
FOR THE ABSENCE
OF THE FUNNY
TODAY
EHM, MY MUM
WAS SICK
DUDE, I
JUST GOT OFF
THE PHONE WITH
YOUR GF
IS IT TRUE
THAT YOU DUMPED
HER LAST NIGHT ?
YEAH, I
FOUND A NEW
GIRL
SHE’S REALLY
HOT, I JUST WROTE
HER A LOVE LETTER
WOW, YOU GOT
A FREELOADER NOW.
LET ME TRY THAT
METROID THEN
EHM..
HEY, GET YOUR FILTHY
HANDS AWAY FROM THAT
BITCH OR I'LL CUT YOU UP
LIKE A CUT-THINGS-DUDE
WOULD DO.. EHM..
DEAR SAMUS !
I LOVE YOU AND I THINK YOU’RE HOT.
WILL YOU MARRY ME ?
YES
NO
/MR.MADSEN
EHM..
Madsen: I love Samus, even before I knew she was a chick, that tells you a lot about how much I love her. Or it tells you something else.
91
SHE ANSWERED
MY LETTER DUDE
YOU KNOW
THAT SAMUS IS
JUST A FICTIONAL
CHARACTER
RIGHT ?
DEAR SAMUS !
I LOVE YOU AND I THINK YOU’RE HOT.
WILL YOU MARRY ME ?
YES
THEN WHO
WROTE THIS ?
*** MR.MADSEN[LG]: JOINED #METROID
NO
/MR.MADSEN
CONGRATULATIONS
DUDE, YOU’VE UPSET SOMEONE
THAT’S NOT EVEN REAL
GOOD
WORK
SAMUS: OH, YOU’RE _THAT_ MR.MADSEN..
DUDE, STOP HARASSING ME..
OR ELSE ! >:(((((
MR.MADSEN: OR ELSE WHAT ? :P
MR.MADSEN[LG]: HELLO THERE SAMUS !
SAMUS: HELLO MR.MADSEN[LG]..?
MR.MADSEN[LG]: I SAW YOU GOT MY
LETTER :)
GIVE ME
THE CONTROLLER
YOU LITTLE
BITCH
DUDE,
DON’T TALK
TO THE NINJA
LIKE THAT
92
HE’LL
KICK YOU
ASS
NO HE WON’T
CUZ DADDY’S GOT A
BRAND NEW WEAPON
Madsen: Matthew “I don’t give out my last name” aka, “kloneman” just AIM’ed me, I dunno who this geezer is.
ORO ?
GAH !
PLEASE MAKE
IT STOP !
HOW DID YOU
GET THE METROIDS
TO JOIN FORCES
WITH YOU ?
PRON ?
I HAVE
SOMETHING
SAMUS HASN’T
PR0N
I BEAT YOU
AGAIN !
WHO’S
THE BEST
EVER HUH ?
YEYE,
YOU’RE THE BEST
THING THAT’S HAPPEND
TO THE GAMING-SCENE
SINCE SLICED MILK
YOU’RE
DAMN RIGHT
I AM !
HANG ON..
SLICED WHAT ?
2 WEEKS LATER
DUDE,
GIVE UP THE
CONTROLLER NOW,
WE WANT TO PLAY
NO !
NEVER ! GO AWAY
BITCHES !
YOU KNOW
WE ONLY HAVE
ONE GAMECUBE
CONTROLLER
DUDE ?
I SAID
NO !
SOONER OR
LATER SOMEONE
WILL INSERT THE NEW
ZELDA GAME INTO
THE GAMECUBE
Madsen: And you know what? Hult is still sitting there on that sofa, since his GF left him, and she was the one that was supposed to pick up his copy of Zelda
the Windbreaker.
93
2 MONTHS LATER
2 WEEKS LATER
2 DAYS LATER
WTF ARE
YOU LOOKING
AT BITCH?
GO FLAME THE
FORUM INSTEAD,
CUZ I’M NOT
MOVING
OMG DUDE,
THIS GAME SUCKS
SO HARD !
YES, ANYONE
WITH EVEN HALF A
BRAIN WOULD NEVER
BUY THIS CRAP
OH, MUST
HAVE SLIPPED MY
MIND THEN
NO
PRETTY DAMN
SWEET IMHO
WENCH
“VENI, VIDI,
I FUCKED THE JURY IN
THE FACE FOR HAVING
SUCH BAD TASTE”
HOW DID YOU
DO IN THAT DESIGN
COMPETITION “BEST YET”
YOU ATTENDED ?
WELCOME
BACK DUDE, HOW
WAS STOCKHOLM ?
94
BESIDES,
DIDN’T I TELL
YOU NOT TO
BUY IT ?
WELL,
TO QUOTE MY
FAVORITE EMPEROR
CEASAR
I TAKE
IT YOU DIDN’T
WIN
Madsen: I attended the design competition “Best Yet” with a guy called Anders Göransson, I blame him for us not winning.
THERE WE GO,
I’M DONE WITH
METROID FUSION
HEY, THAT
MEANS YOU CAN PLAY
THE ORIGINAL METROID
ON YOUR GAMECUBE
YES,
SWEET
NOOOO !!!
GOD, WHY !?
THERE YOU GO,
SINCE I CAN PLAY METROID
ON MY GAMECUBE I DON’T
NEED YOU ANYMORE
FUCK YOU DUDE,
YOU NEED ME MORE
THAN YOU KNOW
GAH !
WHO STOLE MY
GAMECUBE MEMORY
CARD ?!
HOW CAN
YOU BE SO RUDE
TO MASTER ?
MEMORY
CARDS TASTE LIKE
CHICKEN
WATCH
THIS BABY
*BLINK*
*BLINK*
OK GUYS,
YOU KNOW WHAT
TO DO ?
HE WILL NEVER
SUSPECT ME AND
THEN THERE’S NOTHING
THAT CAN HURT ME !
HAHA !
I ROCK SO
HARD
*BLINK*
CRUSH, KILL,
DESTROY !
SIR, YES
SIR !
MUAHAHA !
*BLINK*
*BLINK*
Madsen: These are the only comics the Xbox are in, he simply asked for to much money for doing cameos. Xbox sucks my wang.
95
OK, LETS
DO THIS !
NO DUDES,
PLEASE DON’T
HURT ME !
WHAT THE
HELL ?!
OMG DUDE
YEAH, OMG,
A TALKING
NES !
WE INTERRUPT THIS STORYLINE TO BRING YOU
AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM OUR SPONSORS:
I LIKE
CHICKEN
MAKE GAMES,
NOT WAR !
BUSH EATS
POOP !
CONSOLES AGAINST WAR
DEAR U.N.
I HAVE A SOLUTION
TO END THE WAR JUST
STOP THE SELLING OF
COCA-COLA
96
Madsen: *yawn*
DUDE, I
WROTE A LETTER
TO THE U.N.
EHM, THAT
MAKES NO SENSE
AT ALL
AND ?
CODERS, HACKERS,
GAMERS, GEEKS AND PHR3AKS
LIVE ON THAT SHIT
AND WITHOUT
IT THEY WOULD
ALL DIE
WELL, WE ALL
KNOW THAT THOSE ARE
THE PEOPLE WHO RULE
THIS WORLD
IDIOT
I CAN’T TAKE
THIS ANYMORE !
ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT THE
WAR AGAIN ?
I CAN’T
CHOOSE !
I THOUGHT
I ASKED YOU TO
NOT MEANTION
THAT ANYMORE
I’M NOT
TALKING ABOUT
THAT
I’M TALKING
ABOUT AN EVEN
BIGGER THING
THERE WE GO,
PLEASE STOP ASKING FOR
MARCUS NOW OKI THX
MANY OF OUR
READERS ARE ASKING
FOR MARCUS AND WANT
TO SEE MORE OF HIM
HEY, WHY DID
YOU ASK ME TO COME
ALL THIS WAY ?
I’M GETTING
ZELDA NEXT WEEK,
BUT I’M NOT DONE
WITH METROID
YET
SO WE
DECIDED TO SETTLE
THIS ONCE AND
FOR ALL
SHIT DUDE,
YOU KILLED MARCUS,
OMG.. WANNA GET
SOME PIZZA ?
CENSORED
DUE TO SOME HEAVY BEATING AND SHIT
LIKE THAT WE DECIDED TO CENSOR THIS PART
SO THAT THE PTA DOESN’T BAN OUR SITE
ON ALL THE SCHOOLS IN AMERICA
AHHH,
SO NICE THAT
MARCUS IS GONE
OOO, WHAT’S
THAT LIGHT ?
DAMNIT, I SAID
“WALK TOWARDS THE
LIGHT” DUDE !
HEY DUDES,
WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS PLAYING ?
WTF ?
SURE, PIZZA
IS THE WIN !
OH, SORRY,
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
“STALK TWO YARDS
THEY MIGHT”..
AND THAT DIDN’T
MAKE ANY SENSE
Madsen: I felt like killing off someone in the cast. But I felt guilty so I got him back to life again the next day. Little Gamers; better than any Spanish soap.
97
DUDE, HOW
ARE YOU GONNA MAKE
MARCUS GO AWAY ?
I HAVE
A FRIEND THAT
MIGHT BE ABLE TO
HELP US IF WE GIVE
HIM SOME PRON
SORRY MASTER,
ME NO EAT BRAIN..
MARCUS NOT HAVE
BRAIN
ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT..
YES, MY LITTLE
FRIENDS CAN EAT
HIS BRAIN
EHM..
DAMNIT,
WELL, THANKS
FOR TRYING
TODAY IS A
SPECIAL DAY
TODAY WE SAY
WELCOME TO ALL THE
PEOPLE VISITING US FROM
EKSTRABLADET.DK
98
WTF !?
WHO TURNED OFF
THE LIGHTS ?
PRON ?
DOWN THE
HALL AND TO
THE LEFT
WHAT ?
SINCE THEY WERE
NICE ENOUGH TO FEATURE
US WITH A BANNER AT THEIR
GAMES SECTION
Madsen: Take all your clothes of and kill yourself with a nailgun.
HEY NEW GUY !
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS
FINGER..
DAMNIT
DUDE !
NO GO READ
THE ARCHIVES
N00B
WELL, THERE
WAS NO UPDATES
MONDAY AND
TUESDAY
CHRISTIAN ASKED
US TO TELL YOU ALL THAT
IT WAS AN APRIL FOOLS THING
AND WE WERE TRYING TO FOOL
YOU ALL THAT WE WERE
MEGATOKYO..
BUT THE
TRUTH IS THAT CHRISTIAN
READ AN ARTICLE ON HOW TO
GET AN ANAL ORGASM
SO HE HAD
HIS THUMB SO FAR UP
HIS ASS THAT HE COULDN’T
GET IT OUT IN TIME
AND UPDATE
HEHE
LOOK AT THIS DUDE,
PIRO IS APPEARING AT EVERY
FUCKING ANIME CON
IN THE STATES
SO ?
I’M PROHIBITED
TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT
AMERICANS DUE TO SOME
LAWSUITS AND THE FACT THAT
CHRISTIAN WOULD KICK
MY ASS
SO HERE’S
A FAN-MAIL
WELL,
WHY THE FUCK
AREN’T WE INVITED
TO ANY ?
I MEAN, WE
JUST GOT MARCUS
POTTY-TRAINED, SO
WHAT COULD BE
THE PROBLEM ?
TICKETS
TO USA ?
AH, THOSE ARE
PRETTY EXPENSIVE
RIGHT ?
AMERICAN BEER IS LIKE HAVING SEX IN
A CANOE - IT’S FUCKING CLOSE TO WATER
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK GUYS !
/ANDREW J O’BRIEN
AND YES,
THAT READER WAS
CANADIAN
Madsen: Best pickup-line ever. “American beer is like having sex in a canoe, fucking close to water”.. gets all the American females hot, or maybe it’s my
freaky-cool accent.
99
I WIN AGAIN !
I R TEH L33T !
STFU
DUDE
I EAT
L33T, I TALK
L33T, I LOOK L33T,
AND IF YOU CUT ME,
I EVEN BLEED
L33T !
I SAID
STFU !!!
PLEASE DON’T
GET L33T ALL OVER
THE CARPET DUDE
ARGH !
MY SPINE !
SPRING IS
COMING SOON
DUDE
WARM WEATHER
AND LONGER
DAYS
BIRDS
SINGING
24/7
GF AT
THE BEACH SO
YOU GET THE HOUSE
FOR YOURSELF
WE’VE GOTTEN
MANY NEW READERS
THESE LAST FEW
MONTHS
AND WITH
THAT COMES MORE
COMPLAINTS AND
SUCH
100
NO ?
OH, BIRDS,
YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT MEANS ?
SO, WE’VE
GOT A NEW SECTION
AT LITTLE-GAMERS.COM
TO HANDLE THAT
IRL “DUCK HUNT”
WITH MY SOFT
AIRGUN !
SO IF YOU
HAVE A COMPLAINT,
PLEASE VISIT THE SITE
HTTP://STFU.K-THX.COM
HEHE
Madsen: Nicklas Carlsson’s name in FFXI is “weewee”, that’s another name for penis. I always wear my ass on the inside when I play with him.
DUDE, WTF !?
IS THAT A BOMB ?
COOL,
CARRY ON
YES, I’M
GONNA SEND IT
TO OTAKON IF THEY
DON’T INVITE US..
SO, ARE
YOU GONNA SEND
THE BOMB DIRECTLY
TO OTAKON ?
NO, I’M
GONNA ASK
SOME FRIENDS TO
SNEAK IT IN
GOD I LOVE
THE EASTER-WEEK
AT THE OFFICE, NO BOSSES
AROUND SINCE THEY’RE
ALL ON VACATION
SWEET,
MUST MEAN YOU
DON’T WORK AS MUCH
THIS WEEK
DEAR PIRO.
WOULD YOU MIND
BRINGING THIS GIFT
TO THE DUDES AT
OTAKON ?
WHO ?
/MADSEN
ON THE
CONTRARY, I WORK
TWICE AS HARD
WTF, WHY ?
I HAVE THIS
STUPID THING CALLED
A “CONSCIENCE”, IT
REALLY SUCKS
SIR,
YES SIR !
OMG !
SOMEONE SET
UP US THE
BOMB !
YEAH, I
HAVE THAT AS WELL,
THAT’S THE THING
PREVENTING ME FROM
CHEATING ON MY GF
STUPID
CONSCIENCE !
Madsen: This is actually how I got invited to Otakon the first time. I made some comics about it in a funny way and sent a nice mail to them.. oh, and I asked
all the readers to flood their inbox with mails about letting us be guests. It was love at first sight.
101
BTW, NOW BUSH
IS GOING AFTER SYRIA
AS WELL..
YES, I THINK
HE MUMBLED SOMETHING
ABOUT CLEANSING THE
WORLD FROM EVIL
HE’S
A FSCKING
HICK
OMG !
CLEANSING THE
WORLD FROM EVIL.. YOU
KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS ?
YES, HE’S
GOING AFTER THE
DUDES THAT MADE
“CRASH BANDICOOT”
NEXT
HEHE
DAMNIT !
THIS IP-PHONE
IS LAGGING SOOO
FUCKING MUCH !
FUCKING
LAG-MONKEY
COMPUTER !
HMMM..
SO A LAG-MONKEY
JUMPED OUT OF MY
COMPUTER WHEN I SAID
“FSCKING LAG-MONKEY
COMPUTER”..
102
Madsen: Lag monley. Yeah, I don’t know either.
EHM
“FSCKING
HOT PRONSTAR
CHICK COMPUTER” ?
‘EHLO, I’M
JEAN-PAUL LE FRENCH
LAG-MONKEÉ
I WAS CALLED
IN BY THE CREATORS
OF THIS COUENNE, CRÉTIN,
SOT, BALOURD WEB COMIC
SO LE AMERICANÉ PIGS
CAN POINT LE ANGER
AT ME INSTEAD
THAT, AND
I HAVE A CUTE
ACCENT
“FSCKING
$100.000.000
COMPUTER” !!
DAMNIT !
HAH, I
WIN AGAIN !
母はスカンクである*
有用がないし、
小さいがあるところティーカップ*
*THE MOTHER IS THE SKUNK
WE DIDN’T LOOK LIKE COPS
WE DIDN’T ACT LIKE COPS..
*THE TEACUP WHERE IS NOT USEFUL AND IS SMALL
WE HAD AN EDGE THAT CAME FROM
GROWING UP ON THE STREET..
FSCK YOU VIN
DIESEL, GROWING UP ON
THE STREET IS NOTHING,
TRY GROWING UP ON IRC
BITCH !
WORD
Madsen: .. I’m falling asleep, isn’t this book over soon!?
103
LITTLE GAMERS
PIMPOLOGY #1
LIEK !
WHY ARE THERE NO GIRLS IN YOUR
COMIC ANYMORE ? ARE YOU GUYS
TURNING GAY OR WHAT ?
/SOME GUY FROM IRC
SO WHAT
IF I’M GAY ?
EHM..
104
Christian: Marcus isn’t really gay, just super-duper metro-sexual.
I R TEH
WENCH-MONGER !
HE BE
PIMPIN’
ARE YOU THINKING
THAT WE SHOULD DO
THE THING I’M THINKING
WE SHOULD DO ?
EWWW !
GET AWAY FROM
ME DUDE !
FAVORITE GAME ?
CRASH BANDICOOT
WE NEED TO
GET TO THE BOTTOM
OF THIS DUDES
FAVORITE ARTIST ?
WHAT MAKES
YOU THINK I’M
GHEI ?
BLOWUP DOLL AS GF ?
YES ?
BOXER OR Y-FRONT ?
DUDE, I’M
SO HOOKED ON CIDER
RIGHT NOW, FSCK BEER,
CIDER IS THE WIN
Y-FRONT
I KNOW
FOR A FACT THAT
THEY CAN
DUDE, CIDER
IS APPLE PEE
YOU’RE STUPID,
DO YOU THINK APPLES
CAN PEE ?
SO I PLAYED
THAT NFL GAME FOR
THE XBOX LAST NIGHT
WITH XBOX-LIVE
NUFF SAID
DUDE, YOU’RE AS
GHEI AS RICHARD
SIMMONS
BRITNEY SPEARS
I NEED YOUR
PEE APPLE-BOY
IF YOU GET AN
APPLE TO PEE IN A GLASS
AND BRING IT TO ME,
I’LL DRINK IT
LET ME TELL YOU,
IT SUCKED SO HARD, THERE’S
NO LOGIC IN THAT GAME AT ALL,
NO WONDER IT’S AN AMERICAN
SPORT.. SO STUPID !
Christian: Any sportsgame sucks in my book. They are just so... sporty...
LET ME GUESS,
YOU GOT SMAXXORED
BY AMERICAN XBOX-LIVE
PLAYERS ?
WHA ?
YES, BUT THAT
HAS NOTHING TO
DO WITH IT
DIDN’T
UNDERSTAND
THE RULES ?
ANY GAME
HARDER THAN
BUST-A-MOVE
SUCKS IN MY
BOOK
105
DUDE,
THIS LOTR GAME
IS SO GHEI
NO, LET
ME PROVE IT’S
GHEI
NO IT’S
NOT, IT’S THE
ÜBER GOOD
SOON WE’LL BE
HITTING THE BIG 600 DUDE,
YOU HAVE ANYTHING
SPECIAL PLANED ?
SURE,
PROVE IT
MARCUS !
TRASH THE
GAME PLEASE
YEAH, TAKING
SOME VACATION AND
WATCH IT ALL IN ONE
SITTING
DUDE, I’M TALKING
ABOUT THE COMIC #600, NOT
YOUR PRON-COLLECTION
TURNING 600GB
OOO,
CUUUUTE
AWWW,
HOW CUTE
SHUT
UP !!
106
AWWW !
I LOVE THIS GAME,
IT’S SO EXCITING !
SHUT UP,
SHUT UP !!
Christian: Hehe, the big 600. I think he’s up to terabytes now since he found out a way to use echelon for pr0n.
OH, ME
BAD
ZELDA IS
THE DEFINITION
OF A MANLY
GAME
IT IS
NOT CUTE !
THERE YOU GO,
YOUR LAPTOP NOW
HAS ACCESS TO
THE INTERNET
THANKS
SWEETHEART, JUST
ONE QUESTION
THO
YAY !
DISNEY DIDN’T
REPLY TO ANY OF
MY MAILS
THAT MEANS
WE CAN USE THEIR
CHARACTERS AS MUCH
AS WE’D LIKE !
SOME PEOPLE
ARE SAYING THAT
WE DON’T REPLY TO
MAILS THEY’VE
SENT
IF I BRING
THE LAPTOP WITH ME
TO THE PARK, WILL THERE
STILL BE INTERNET
INSIDE IT ?
SO YOU
ACTUALLY HIT
HER ?
SHE HAD
IT COMING
NO DUDE,
THAT WOULD
BE GAY
HERE’S A
REPLY TO ALL
OF YOU..
PLEASE
MEMORIZE
IT..
Christian: That internet (top one) comic is probably the best comic we’ve ever done, i still laugh when i read it. Pure Madsen genius.
107
.COM
LE-G
AME
RS
MADSEN[LG]: OH YEAH ?! LOOK CLOSER AT
THIS IMAGE I’M SENDING
YOU
/DCC SEND RIPOFF-DUDE /IMG/COPYRIGHT.GIF
COPY
RI
GHT
LITT
RIPOFF-DUDE: DUDE, WE DIDN’T STEAL
THE POKING-STICK, IT’S
NOT LIKE YOU GUYS HAVE
COPYRIGHT ON THAT..
DUDE, WHAT’S
WRONG ?
SOME DUDE
ONLINE CALLED
ME STUPID
THE WAY 14 YEAR OLD
AMERICAN FLAMERS THINK WE
REACT TO THEIR FLAMING
DUDE
108
I TURNED OFF
THE DDR-GAME 20 MINUTES
AGO, CAN YOU PLEASE STOP
YOUR DANCING NOW ?
Christian: Little Gamers is probably the online comic that cares least of what people think of it, we make it for fun... our fun and love that people think it’s
funny as well.
SO, SOON
IT’S TIME FOR JAPAN
AGAIN, GETTING THE
SHAKES YET ?
HOW
HARD CAN
IT BE ?
NO, ONLY
THING THAT’S A
BIT SCARY IS THAT I
DON’T KNOW JAPANESE
ALL THAT GOOD
YEAH, I MEAN,
THERE ARE 3 YEAR
OLD CHILDREN IN JAPAN
SPEAKING JAPANESE, HOW
HARD CAN IT BE ?
WHA ?
MARCUS WEBCAM
2003/05/15 2:01PM
MARCUS[LG]: DUDE ! ARE YOU READY
FOR SOME MEDAL OF
HONOR ?
CHRISTIAN[LG]: HANG ON, JUST GONNA
CHECK SOMETHING FIRST
I HEARD THAT
MARCUS GOT A JOB
IN THE GAME
INDUSTRY
WOW,
THAT’S COOL
YES, HE
GOT TO WORK
ON METAL GEAR
SOLID 3
WHAT DID
HE DO ?
Christian: We are always so mean to Marcus, it can’t be helped.
YEAH, BUT
HE GOT FIRED
AFTER HIS FIRST
ASSIGNMENT
CHRISTIAN[LG]: YEAH ! I’M READY TO KICK
YOUR ASS !
MARCUS[LG]: COOL, BUT I’M THE ONE
THAT’S KICKING SOME ASS
CHRISTIAN[LG]: WANT TO BET SOME MONEY ?
HE’S THE
ONE THAT CAME
UP WITH THE NAME
“SNAKE EATER”
HEHE
109
OMG,
PWNAGE !
LIEK, FUBAR
GAMEZOR
NO !
IT’S “LIKE,
FUCKED UP BEYOND
ALL RECOGNITION
GAME”
NO, IT’S
“OH MY GOD,
I’M OWNING”
FÅ DIT
FISSEFINGER
VÆK FÆTTER*
NO !
IT’S.. HANG
ON, YOU LOST
ME..
*GET YOUR PUSSYFINGER AWAY FROM ME DUDE
SO YOU
ORDERED A GBASP
FROM LIKSANG AND GOT
SOMETHING ELSE, THEN YOU
SENT THAT BACK AND GOT
A GBASP BUT NO
CHARGER ?
THEN WHY DO
YOU KEEP ORDERING
FROM THAT PLACE WHEN IT
SUCKS SO DAMN HARD ?
AND TODAY
WE’RE TRYING
SOMETHING
NEW
SO WE
HAVE A MSG FOR
THE SYSADMIN
110
Christian: Fissefinger!
DAMNIT !
WHY DIDN’T I THINK
OF THAT !?
WELL, MAYBE SOMEDAY
THEY MIGHT SEND SOMETHING
ELSE AND I’LL END UP WITH
SOUL CALIBUR 2
YUP
AS YOU MIGHT
HAVE NOTICED, THE
SERVER WE’RE HOSTED ON
HAS MORE DOWNTIME THAN
A GEOCITIES-SITE BEING
LINKED BY SLASHDOT
WHY NOT
JUST ORDER SOUL
CALIBUR 2 ?
I WILL
NOT DO THIS
AS I
USUALLY
DO
VIOLA !
UKYO, PLS
WORK FASTAH !
OKI THX PLZ
DIE !
DUDE, DID
YOU KNOW THAT
YOUR INITIALS
IS “RS”
TODAY WE
HAVE A CELEBRITY
GUEST, PLEASE SAY HELLO
TO R.STEVENS WHO’S DOING
THE COMIC DIESEL
SWEETIES
HELLO READERS
OF LITTLE GAMERS !
I GOT ONE OF THOSE
NEW 15GB IPODS LAST WEEK
AFTER DOING SOME ICONS
FOR A DUDE
WOW, IS
IT COOL ?
YOU MUST BE
LISTENING TO MUSIC
ALL THE TIME NOW
WE’RE CURRENTLY
MAKING A LITTLE-GAMERS
APPLICATION FOR THE MAC,
AND WE’RE WONDERING IF
WE SHOULD MAKE ONE
VERSION FOR THE PC
AS WELL..
HOW DOES
IT FEEL TO BE
AN “ARSE” ?
HEY, YOU
PROMISED YOU
WOULDN’T BRING
THAT UP !
WHA ?
I'VE ALWAYS
LISTENED TO MUSIC
ALL THE TIME, WHAT’S
YOUR POINT ?
WELL,
THE IPOD IS
A MP3 PLAYER
SO IF YOU
WANT IT FOR THE
PC, SPEAK NOW OR
FOREVER STFU
Christian: (a)R(se) Stevens comic is really really good. Check it out at www.dieselsweeties.com.
HAHA !
BUTT BOY !
SHOULDN’T
YOUR COMIC BE
CALLED “BUTT HOLE
SWEETIES” THEN ?
FUCK YOU
GUYS !
OH, I JUST
THOUGHT IT WAS
A THING TO TRANSFER
MY PRON HOME FROM THE
OFFICE WITHOUT CUSTOMS
NOTICING IT
WELL, THAT
COULD WORK
TOO
I GUESS
NO ONE WANTS
IT FOR THE PC
HEHE
111
I HAVE FOOLED YOU ALL,
I HAVE SOLD YOU BANANAS
WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU
BOUGHT APPLES !
I HAVE
USED UP, UP, DOWN,
DOWN, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT,
LEFT, SELECT ON YOU ALL !
WELL, I LIED
ABOUT MYSELF, MY
NAME IS NOT JEAN-PAUL
AND I’M NOT FRENCH
HUH ?
MY NAME IS
MATHIEU LABRIE
AND I’M FROM
CANADA !
DUDE, AM I NOT
SUPPOSED TO BE STAND-IN
FOR CHRISTIAN AGAIN ?
DUDE, THAT’S
NOT EVEN FUNNY
NEITHER IS
BEING CANADIAN
OOOH,
IS THAT METROID ?
I LOOOOOOVE
METROID
NICE TRY
BITCH
GIVE ME
ONE GOOD
REASON
.. HE
DIDN’T !
THIS CAN’T
BE RIGHT
112
Christian: I moved to japan for a while and left madsen behind in a gutter in Copenhagen crying.
YES, CHRISTIAN
TOOK THE TV WITH
HIM TO JAPAN
End of book two.
We’re terribly sorry for the unfunny jokes.
Next book is a lot better, we promise!
113
We would like to thank the following people for the support and/or inspiration this past year:
Brad (we’ve licked your Transformers collection) , Brads awesome mom, Myextralife (Scott), Monica
“hellokitty” Rial, “Pink sock” Greg, Mike (Hunt), The Heaton brothers and Callie Heaton of course. “Jucy“
Lucy Christian, Mike the whitest black man, Russian, Taka the Ukelele man, Tim Buckley (who loves the
cock), Sir Lem, Weebl, Lee (will you marry mr. madsen ?) Beryl Nilsson Madsen Blomberg, Rich Kim and his
horny housewives, Harmon (wow, that’s not water, it’s tequila!), Nicklas Carlsson (sorry for pulling you into
the FFXI-crack), Søren Svendsen for letting me go on my ridiculously long trips to the states each summer,
PSP, The guy that gross you out at Nixon, Kanye West for saying “Bush hates black people”, Donkey Konga,
Macintosh, Scott and Kent from white ninja + girlfriend for taking us to SeaWorld, FFXI, FSC, Mr. I’ll drive all
the way to SF in 3 hours Ryan, Gabe at Pixar (where small birds goes to die), Kate Moss (Sorry, who knows,
she might see this and call me?), All the people that has tried to screw us this last year, Ammon (thanks for
letting us crash at your place), James the iranian driver, Rosenberg from goats, Mr. Jeff Throbbing Horsecock
“I love Dallas” Rowland, My mom for helping us with the taxes, Joel (von) Kitzmiller for always taking care
of us in california and last but not least thank YOU for buying this book and supporting us.
114
We wanted to involve our readers in the book, since (we’ve learned that) there’s nothing more awesome™ than your own text and
name in a book. So this is a little hamish to our readers, from our readers, about us, in haiku-form.
‘
4 tb’s of pron
madsen is the bandwidth hog
spring flowers bloom pink
’
Nick B.
‘pr0n pr0n pr0n pr0n pr0n
pr0n pr0n pr0n pr0n pr0n pr0n pr0n
pr0n pr0n pr0n pr0n mmm.’
Five years of comics
sometimes including the Hoff,
LG spreads the love!
SPeedY_B
Kelley Doyle
What is Sexier
than Little Gamers? Nothing!
Well, Chuck Norris, eh? Here in the U.S.,
Little Swedish guys are cute.
Good thing they’re not French.
by Shannon Munns of Canada.
Cam
Sit on a sofa
Make fun of society
End up being drunk
Much like pr0n, the guys,
Christian and Madsen, are hot
sexy Swedish love.
Scythewielder
Amber Hawkins
little-gamers rocks
when i read the webcomic
i get so damn wet
mark
Come to Otakon...
See the Pontus and Christian!
Tom and his Pink-Sock
John Heaton - Otakon 2006
Otakorp Inc. BOD, Member at Large
Kawaii characters.
Little Gamers’ all about 1337 Haxxor and pr0n,
Master Charlie D.
On the interwebs,
Little Gamers rules us all!
‘Cept Christian, bastard…
Alex.
on a giant web
of flying dancing packets
live the kings of pr0n
I leech some mp3’s and pr0n;
In my browser, Little Gamers.
A perfect evening!
François-Denis Gonthier
Viviana Cancino
Tiny Swedish gamers
With pornographic memory,
S.T.F.U. n00b!
“La vie craint
Les jeux la facilitent
Little gamers l’amuse”
Slayer404
Daroofa
when life is down low
I go to little gamers
then to v g cats...
Love for other men
Is wonderful; but sometimes
These guys go too far.
\\C-
Spiffy McBang
This book contains the second year of the vastly popular
Little Gamers, the webcomic everyone knows but no one reads.
Availible for free every weekday at www.little-gamers.com
Little Gamers © Christian Fundin & Pontus Madsen / Little Gamers HB 2006 / ISBN 91-631-6453-1

Book Two - Little Gamers

Transcription

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