beleefdheid - terverpoozing
A real trick down the sock
Improving personal relations
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
Editing house: Ter verpoozing
Editors: Gerard Stout /Alexandria Paulsen
Photo cover: Alexandria Paulsen
Illustrations inside: International students / G. Stout
All rights reserved. Nothing may be reproduced without written
permission of the editor.
This book was made possible by financial support of the science
department of the Institute Education & Communication
NHL University in Leeuwarden, The Netherlands. www.nhl.nl
Life is easy, hard to find out
Table of contents
All is learning Experience
Describing what you see
Light of Illusion14
Beans in my Pocket
The forbidden Fruit20
A real Trick down the Sock
What goes in your Soul?
Spot on the Floor
Stick to what you ask
Presence fills the Room
Respect at first Sight
Hou do u speall thet ?
Politeness in America54
Rudeness is much more Expensive
Do not do that, do not say it
Politeness in Finland68
Politeness in Hong Kong
Make Noise in Japan
Blockades in the front
ommunication seems easy, but sometimes it is
hard to find effective ways to make contact in a
polite way. In families, at schools, during work and
in the street or public transport, everywhere people
struggle to be friendly when opposing interests occur.
In this book we compiled methods to improve relations.
The main thing is not using a negative Pavlov reaction
when communition is involved.
Once you realize the power of your new instrument
you may get addicted to friendliness and politeness.
The contributions in this book offer you a multilingual
approach that crosses borders. The main aim is
looking for the things that unite people, especially in
all their variations when approaching fellow human
beings. Unite, do no separate.
Six international students studying at NHL University
of professional education followed a course on class
management. The main question: How to keep school
children interested – and disciplined – in a classroom?
They took the opportunity to make this internationally
oriented book, adding advices in their own languages.
Differences along with common aspects of their own
cultures are also clearly reflected in their discussion of
politeness in their homelands.
This book shows what can be achieved if cooperation
is the main objective; so that we all may seek what
makes the world better and a more pleasant place to
live. The world is a global school. We use differences
All is Learning Experience
want you to think about a child who is
learning how to walk. First, she stands up
leaning on the chair or couch and after awhile she falls
down on her butt. What do the parents do?
They are excited; our baby can stand, wohoo! Next the
baby learns to stand on her own and after awhile she
takes her first steps. What do the parents do? They are
once again ablaze with excitement; our baby can walk,
When the baby starts standing next to a chair or when
she falls down after a couple steps the parents never
say “our baby is bad” or “our baby does it wrong”
because the baby is learning. She is having a new
Now I want you to think about life because life goes
on exactly the same way. Everything you do especially
when it is happening with other people is a new
experience. Moments are always unique. There is
no such a thing as “the wrong way” to do something
or failing because everything you do is a learning
experience. You are taking steps down the path of life;
it is truly your life and nobody else is going to live it
for you. Don’t be afraid to live your dream and have
all the learning experiences that lead you on your way
The world is yours.
yydän sinua miettimään lasta, joka opettelee
kävelemään. Ensin hän mitä luultavimmin
ottaa tukea tuolista nousten huterasti jaloilleen.
Voit varmasti kuvitella, miten vanhemmat reagoivat
tähän. He ovat tietysti riemuissaan; ”Meidän vauva
nousi seisomaan, upeaa!” Seuraavaksi lapsi oppii
seisomaan ilman tukea ja pian hän ottaa ensimmäiset
askeleensa pyllähtäen hetken kuluttua maahan. Ja
miten vanhemmat reagoivat tähän? He ovat jälleen
innoissaan; ”Meidän vauva osaa kävellä, mahtavaa!”
Kun lapsi nousee ensimmäisen kerran omin voimin
seisomaan tai astuu ensimmäiset askeleensa, vanhemmat ovat onnensa kukkuloilla. He eivät koskaan
vähättele lapsen taitoja tai sano, että hän tekee asiat
väärin, sillä lapsi opettelee. Käveleminen on hänelle
täysin uusi kokemus.
Nyt tahdon sinun ajattelevan elämää, sillä se toimii
täysin samalla tavalla, kuin ensimmäisten askeleidesi
ottaminen. Kaikki mitä teet, on oppimista, erityisesti
jos se on suhteessa muihin ihmisiin. Jokainen hetki
on ainutlaatuinen. Ei ole olemassa kahta täysin
samanlaista tilannetta. Viimeistään nyt on aika
unohtaa sanat väärä ja epäonnistuminen, sillä niitä
ei ole olemassa. Kuljet elämäsi polkua, jolla jokainen
askel on oppimiskokemusta. Sinä rakennat elämäsi,
valitset askeleesi, eikä kukaan muu tule tekemään sitä
puolestasi. Sinulla on täysi valta siihen, joten älä pelkää
elää unelmaasi ja nauttia niistä elämyksistä, jotka
johdattavat sinua eteenpäin. Maailma on sinun.
[ 10 ]
[ 11 ]
Describing What You See
escriptions are all around us, they’re
on TV, they’re on the radio, and they’re
in the classroom. We use descriptions everyday;
whether we’re describing how someone looks, or if
we’re simply just trying to give directions to someone.
However, who would have ever thought that using
something as simple as a description could help you
with your relationships. This is not just a trick to be
used by teachers in the classroom but it can also be
used by just about anyone.
The way to make this trick work is as easy as describing
exactly what you see, no description is too small or too
insignificant. For example, let’s say you have a student
in your classroom that sits with his feet on the desk.
Well the first thought would be to immediately tell the
student to get his feet off the desk, which might work,
but then again it might not. Instead as a teacher you
might try describing exactly what the student is doing.
If he’s leaning back in his chair say it, if he’s smirking
at you say that too. Describe out loud everything and
anything you see that student doing. While describing
what you see make sure that you keep eye contact with
the student but remember to keep a smile on your
face so your students aren’t frightened by you. Also,
try taking a couple steps forward closer to the student
when you begin this method, this will shorten the
distance between you and your student, thus showing
your student that you’re serious. (You can also use this
[ 12 ]
method of shortening the distance between you and
your student if he still decides to keep his feet on the
table. Standing behind the student during the entire
lesson is a good way to get your student to put his feet
down if the initial method didn’t work). However, after
a couple minutes you can stop with the descriptions
and continue on teaching your class. The student will
more than likely put his feet on the floor where they
belong, and in turn the other students will keep theirs
on the floor as well.
Describing what you see is a very easy trick to use in
the classroom; it requires no special materials, just
your description skills. However, this trick can be used
where ever you see a problem that needs fixing. It can
be used at the office with a coworker, or it can be used
at home with a family member. Describing what you
see is a simple and great way to get people to behave
the way you want them to.
[ 13 ]
Light Of Illusion
apanese people bow when they greet a person
who is a superior or an elder, in order to show
respect. By bowing and lowering one’s head, you show
that you are inferior to the person who is being greeted.
The proper way to bow in Japan is to first stand up
straight. Your heels must not touch each other, but they
must not be spread too wide, and your hands are relaxed
hanging at your sides. Then slowly lower the upper part
of your body. While you are bowing, your face is also
down, so you will not see the person you are greeting.
Women greet in a slightly different way. If you are a
woman, you have to put your hands not at your sides,
but in front of your stomach, almost like you’re covering
your stomach. It is often practiced by people in business
occasion such as a shop attendant, a waiter, or a business
person at a meeting. Bowing is not only done when
people greet but it’s also practiced when a person makes
an apology or gives thanks. In such cases, people will
bow lower than they do during a greeting.
All Japanese people are taught how to bow at school.
When students greet teachers they have to bow, and
when they enter the office of teachers they also have to
bow. However, at school, it is not only the students but
also the teachers that should bow. By bowing, teachers
should show the respect they have for their students.
Respect between people helps in building trust and
cooperation among them, which is essential for a pleasant
work environment in the classroom. It can be said that
bowing could be the easiest way to make students feel
comfortable and willing to learn.
[ 14 ]
[ 15 ]
Light of Illusion
[ 16 ]
en hier de foto
[ 17 ]
Beans in my Pocket
hen dealing with an unruly group of
students it is easy for you as a teacher
to become upset and consequently rude to your
students. One way to keep track or make sure you’re
complementing and encouraging your students is to
use the beans in your pocket trick. Using this trick will
allow you to easily keep track of how well you treat
First, start off with about ten beans in your left pocket,
then during class whenever you say something nice to
a student or complement a student on their work move
one of the beans to your right pocket. I remember
it this way because you’re moving the bean to the
right pocket for doing something right (or correct).
However, if you find yourself saying something mean
or being rude to a student then you must take a bean
out of the right pocket and put it back in the “wrong”
pocket (the left pocket). This way you can see overall
how respectful you are to your students.
Start by doing this with only ten beans then try adding
more to your pocket, for example add five beans a
week. Then, once this starts getting easy try to make
it through the entire day without having to return a
single bean to your left pocket. Eventually, you can
work your way up to starting the beans in your left
pocket at the beginning of each new class and trying
to get them all over to the right pocket before the end
of the period.
[ 18 ]
This trick can also be used for many other
purposes other than trying to be more respectful
to your students. For example if you have trouble
calling your students by their name you could
transfer a bean each time you use a student’s
name. Or, if you have trouble making eye contact
with your students you can transfer a bean every
time you make eye contact. The possibilities are
endless; if you’re having trouble with something
in the classroom and need a way to keep track of
your improvements beans in your pocket is a great
way to get you to where you want to be in your
Keep in mind though that this trick does not have
to be done with beans, it can be done with all sorts
of small items. For example, you could instead use
paperclips, coins, or buttons, which ever you feel
more comfortable with will work the best.
[ 19 ]
The Forbidden Fruit
ost people feel a special satisfaction to
disobey the rules; this can be justified by
the fact that we live in a society full of rules and norms
of good behavior. Some people feel trapped in such a
way that they’re lead to obtain pleasure through the
act of breaking laws, which can result in the possibility
of being reprimanded. It’s a fact that disobeying a rule
gives us pleasure, it stimulates us, and makes us feel
superior. We get this feeling because we know there’s a
possibility of being punished.
Rules and restrictions come along with the role of
human being, in reality it’s like being told what to do
and thus a mechanism of opposition is activated.
Throughout our lives we have always been confronted
with these prohibitions; during our childhood when
our parents told us “not to go there” we would do just
the opposite. It’s almost as if those words were uttered
as a motivator to pursue action, and consequently our
action was understood as an act of rebellion, while on
our part we just proved them wrong.
The same applies when we are in our group of friends
and they say “I bet you can not do this” and that is
where we again go against the rules: as if it were an
act of approval, showing that they are wrong and that
we are superior. Even when the our teacher tells us to
be silent, this attitude is seen as a confrontation, as the
beginning of a battle between student and teacher, and
in which we must resist and challenge the symbol of
[ 20 ]
authority that is before us.
For human beings the ‘forbidden words’ are seen as a
sign of weakness. For example, when a teacher in the
classroom starts yelling at a student and loses control,
it is as if you were to tell the student he got what he
wanted; which was to cause the teacher to lose control
in the classroom. These ‘forbidden words’ try to
impose a rebellious will on other people. A teacher can
force a student to obey, but no man can be the ruler of
an other man’s heart.
When managing people it is easier to say what you want
people to do in a different light. People are expecting a
Pavlov reaction. People expect us to say the ‘forbidden
words’ and when we do not, they are surprised. In this
method, not using ‘forbidden words’ is the answer
to the problem because the best method to control
someone is through the element of surprise.
[ 21 ]
O fruto proibido
Cláudia Pena Gonçalves
maioria das pessoas sente uma especial
satisfação ao transgredir as normas,
isto pode-se justificar pelo facto de vivermos
numa sociedade cheia de regras e normas de bom
comportamento, algumas pessoas sentem-se de
tal forma prisioneiras destas leis o que as leva a
obter prazer transgredindo algo pelo qual seriam
repreendidas. É o facto de sabermos que está a
transgredir uma regra que nos dá prazer, nos estimula
e nos faz sentir superiores, pois sabemos que podemos
Faz parte do ser humano quando nos proíbem algo
é como que nos dissessem para o fazer na realidade,
como que um mecanismo de oposição fosse activado.
Ao longo da nossa vida sempre fomos confrontados
com estas proibições; durante a nossa infância,
quando os nossos pais nos diziam “não vás para ai”
era ai, então, que o fazíamos, como se aquelas palavras
proferidas fossem um motivador para levar a cabo a
acção, sendo entendido como um acto de rebeldia da
nossa parte e provando-lhes que estavam errados. O
mesmo se passa quando estamos no nosso grupo de
amigos e nos dizem “aposto que não consegues fazer
isso” e é ai que o fazemos, como se fosse um acto de
aprovação, mostrando que estão errados e que somos
superiores; ou mesmo quando o nosso professor nos
diz para estar-mos calados, para não falar-mos com o
colega do lado essa atitude é tida como um confronto,
[ 22 ]
como o inicio de uma batalha entre aluno e professor, e
no qual temos de resistir e enfrentar “aquele” símbolo
de autoridade que está perante nós.
Para o ser humano as “palavras proibidas” são
encaradas como um sinal de fraqueza, por exemplo,
quando um professor na sala de aulas começa a
gritar com um aluno e perde o controlo é como que
se estivesse a dizer ao aluno que ele consegui o que
queria, fazer com que o professor perdesse o controlo
dentro do seu ambiente.
Para a superioridade das pessoas é mais fácil profetizar
as “palavras proibidas” do que tentar explicar ou
mesmo contornar a situação por outras palavras, dizelas numa outra vertente. É por isto que as pessoas
esperam que digamos as “palavras proibidas” e quando
não o fazemos é como que as surpreendêssemos. É
neste método, não utilizando “palavras proibidas”, que
está a resposta para o problema, pois o melhor método
para controlar alguém é surpreende lo.
[ 23 ]
A Real Trick Down the Sock
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
ower and leadership are the desire of many,
but just a few can reach it; however you can
be one of them.
You don’t need money, because power is not for sale.
You don’t need to wait, because leadership does not
grow in trees. You don’t need to ask, for these forces
must come from you.
If you do not trust your actions, if you do not adopt
a self-assured behavior and if you do not believe in
yourself, who will?
To succeed in life and be a winner you need to have
confidence in yourself and be smarter than the others.
Of course you do not have to be a cheater and losing
your ethics and morals to do it, but hiding something
from their eyes can be a real trick up the sleeve ... or
down the sock. Just write a special note to yourself and
keep it with you.
Paper is light and cheap, the ink is long lasting, but the
responsibility you put on the note is hard and heavy.
The weight of the word that you keep in your sock will
not let you forget your duty, and at the end of the day,
you will not want to look at it with disappointment.
At first glance, the little paper could seem helpless and
innocent, but take my advice, don’t always trust your
first impression. Appearance can cheat the eye and
your simple note may actually become a real source of
self-assertion and inspiration.
[ 24 ]
On the paper, you do not need to be shy and you have
no restrictions. Write that you are brave, write that
you are a leader, write that you are confident, or maybe
just write that you love your wife;but no matter what
you write and this simple piece of paper will condition
your behavior and educate the way you act within
society. On paper there are no forbidden words.
[ 25 ]
Um Verdadeiro Truque na Meia
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
oder e liderança são o desejo de muitos,
mas só alguns conseguem alcançalo.
Tu podes ser um deles.
Não precisas de dinheiro, o poder não está à venda.
Não precisas esperar, a liderança não cresce das
Não precisas pedir, estas forças têm de vir de ti.
Se tu não confiares nas tuas acções, se não adoptares
um comportamento autoconfiante, e se não acreditares
em ti mesmo, quem acreditará?
Para ter sucesso na vida e ser um vencedor tu precisas
ter confiança em ti próprio e ser mais esperto do que
os outros. Claro que não tens de ser um batoteiro e
perder a tua ética e moral para fazêlo, mas esconder
algo dos seus olhos pode ser um verdadeiro truque na
manga … ou na meia.
Escreve apenas uma nota especial para ti próprio e
O papel é leve e barato, a tinta é duradoura, mas a
responsabilidade é dura e pesada.
O peso da palavra que guardaste contigo não te vai
deixar esquecer o teu dever, e no final do dia, não vais
querer olhar para ela com desapontamento.
À primeira vista, o pequeno papel poderá parecer
inofensivo e inocente, mas aqui vai um concelho, não
confies nas primeiras impressões. A aparência engana
e a tua simples nota pode realmente vir a ser uma
verdadeira fonte de autoconfiança e inspiração.
[ 26 ]
No papel tu não precisas ser tímido e não tens
restrições. Escreve que és bravo, escreve que és um
líder, escreve que és confiante, ou talvez escreve
apenas que amas o teu marido, e esse simples pedaço
de papel vai condicionar o teu comportamento e
educar a forma como ages dentro da sociedade.
No papel não há palavras proibidas.
[ 27 ]
What Goes in Your Soul
Cláudia Pena Gonçalves
oday sincerity may seem like somewhat of
a contradictory word, because we live in a
society in which we tend to censor who we are. We
do what we love, but we still see people turning their
cheek when confronted with inequality. This type of
behavior makes me wonder if there is still honesty in
Honesty may be regarded as a flaw but it really is a sign
of loyalty to ourself and to those around us. Honesty
may seem like an indication of weakness, but it really
is a sign of strength.
Sometimes it is not easy to tell what goes on inside our
soul. We submit to it or it overwhelms us. We assume
that we have no authority to tell others, because we
may be unable to say what we think, because we
don’t want to hurt someone, or because we think it’s
politically or morally incorrect.
[ 28 ]
Trying to hide what goes on in our minds and what fills
our hearts is the worst solution. Trying to counteract
our state of mind only brings about the same feelings
that we want to cover up.
Always tell what goes on in your soul, no matter how
difficult it may seem, it is always the best answer to
your problems. This will allow others to know what’s
going on in your mind and what you’re thinking about
which could change their behavior, thus providing a
The main objective is the understanding and proper
functioning of both parties.
For instance in the case of a classroom, where friction
between the students and the teacher is present, the
best solution would be for both parties to express their
discontent and opposing views; and thus allowing
them to coexist in the same space.
[ 29 ]
Diz sempre o que te vai na alma
Cláudia Pena Gonçalves
alar em sinceridade nesta época, pode
parecer um pouco contraditório, e não
deixa de sêlo, pois numa sociedade que nos censura
por sermos quem somos, por fazermos o que amamos,
onde vemos pessoas a virar a cara à desigualdade,
questionome se ainda existe sinceridade “neste
pedaço de terra”. Contudo a sinceridade deveria ser
a palavra de ordem nos dias de hoje, podendo ser
considerada como um sinal de fraqueza mas sendo um
sinal de lealdade para connosco e para com os que nos
Por vezes não é fácil dizer o que nos vai na alma.
Submetemonos, subjugamonos, ou porque, consideramos que, não temos autoridade para dizer o que
pensamos, ou porque não queremos magoar alguém,
ou porque achamos politicamente incorrecto ou
Tentarmos esconder aquilo que nos percorre a
mente e nos invade o coração é a pior das soluções.
Tentar contrariar o nosso estado de espírito só vai
evidenciar esse mesmo sentimento. Dizermos sempre
o que nos vai na alma, por muito que possa parecer
difícil, é sempre a melhor resposta para os nossos
problemas, pois saberão o que nos vai na mente e o
que pensamos acerca de e poderão, ambos, adequar
o seu comportamento, para uma melhor convivência.
Pois o principal objectivo é o entendimento e o bom
funcionamento entre ambas as partes.
[ 30 ]
Veja se o caso de uma sala de aulas, onde existe um
atrito entre alunos e professor, o melhor seria ambos
exprimirem o seu descontentamento e exporem
opiniões de modo a tentar resolver os problemas
existentes entre ambos os lados e deste modo poderem
coexistir no mesmo espaço.
[ 31 ]
Spot on the Floor
n the Happy Kingdom, life is full of happiness
everyday, like performing happiness music.
All these people in Happy Kingdom live a happy life,
often wearing a smile, so they do not understand why
people in other countries are always wearing a frown.
The King of Happy Kingdom decides to promote the
happiness to other countries, so the public is asked to
bring their instruments in order to spread happiness.
Peter goes to Busy Kingdom with his flute.
In Busy Kingdom, people are always working and they
rarely wear a smile. Peter goes to the side of a newspaper stall in Busy Train Station and performs the
happiness music at eight o’clock in the morning every
day. Regardless of the storm or extremely cold weather,
he performs on time in a Busy Train Station. At first,
the pedestrians thought he wanted to earn money for
playing his flute, but all of them are attracted by Peter’s
performance. When they hear his music, they feel
happy, and then they go to their jobs and work hard.
Day after day, the pedestrians get used to look at the
side of newspaper stall at 8 a.m. in Busy train Station,
because this is the position of Peter.
If you want your students to focus on your lessons, you
can stand in a fixed position. If the students don’t focus
on your lesson, you can walk in front of the students
to attract their attention and then return to your fixed
position to continue your lesson. Later on, students will
be accustomed to look at your fixed position. This is the
position of you.
[ 32 ]
[ 33 ]
Spot on the Floor
[ 34 ]
en hier de foto
[ 35 ]
Stick to What You Ask
eople are busy nowadays. You have so many
things to do that you have to do various
things at the same time, and many people have gotten
used to that lifestyle. Teaching is a very busy job and
you have to do it smart, however, when you are in a
classroom, it’s better to do one thing at a time.
To keep order in a class, you ask students to do things,
for example to open a textbook and get ready for the
lesson. If you were doing another thing while you are
asking them to do so, like looking at some paper or
writing something on a blackboard, students would
think that you are just saying it and your word is not
You may have too many things to do outside of your
classroom or you may have a lot of things to teach
in one class. It is easy to distract yourself from your
questions, but you need to have a good relation with
your students, and it is important to show that you
really want them to do so. So stick to what you ask
before you start something new.
[ 36 ]
en hier foto
[ 37 ]
Stick to What You Ask
[ 38 ]
en hier foto
[ 39 ]
Presence Fills the Room
atti lives in the valley of Quiet Trees, just
next to the hill of Brave Birds where
Teppo lives. They were born on the same day, under
the same stars which predicted similar futures for
them. This day is their birthday and a sunny day it is.
Every time when somebody is having a birthday both
villages gather to the market to celebrate. There is a
birthday rock in the middle of the market where the
celebrators stand to speak. Matti and Teppo leave the
house early, knowing that the villagers are waiting to
celebrate with them.
Matti is feeling nervous and he thinks for a moment,
how to escape from the situation. He fears that he will
“What if everybody starts laughing at me? What if I lose
Matti didn’t really know how to act and without
noticing he started to scratch his head. When meeting
passerby’s he avoids eye contact as that would help
him to escape the whole situation.
Teppo is feeling good and excited. Today is his day and
he will get all the attention. He runs excited out to the
yard and greets passer by’s looking straight in their
“Oh, people are in a good mood today, even Cranky Coat
seemed happy for me.”
He continues his journey with good posture.
When Teppo reaches the Market everyone is giving
[ 40 ]
their congratulations to him and he shakes hands
and hugs villagers. When he climbs on the birthday
rock everyone stops speaking and wants to hear what
Teppo has to say.
Matti groaned his way into the market. He uncomfortably thanked people for the congratulations he heard
while staring at his feet. Matti’s friends come to hug
and congratulate him. Some of the villagers shake
hands with Matti. He walks around and around the
birthday rock and scratches his head. Eventually some
villager shouts: “It’s time for Matti to climb on the rock.”
Matti stands with poor posture over the rock and
sees that his friends are looking at him. Most of the
villagers continue with their own things and Matti
quietly thanks everyone and quickly gets down.
When you arrive at class or are in a situation which you
control, arrive there as Teppo; keep your head up, hold
good posture and look into the eyes of your listeners.
Say hello to everyone and if you ask for something, for
example silence, wait until you get it before continuing.
Keep yourself as the king of the situation by filling the
whole room with your awesome energy.
[ 41 ]
Olemuksesi täyttää huoneen
atti asuu Hiljaisten Puiden Laaksossa,
aivan Uskallus Kallioiden vieressä. Teppo
puolestaan asuu noilla korkeilla kallioilla. Matti
ja Teppo ovat syntyneet samana päivänä, samojen
tähtien loistaessa heille samankaltaista tulevaisuutta.
Tänään on heidän syntymäpäivä ja aurinkoinen päivä
Molemmissa kylissä on tapana kokoontua Torille
juhlimaan syntymäpäiväsankaria koko kylän voimin.
Siellä syntymäpäiväsankari nousee juhlakivelle,
kertomaan kuulumisia ja tarinoita. Matti ja Teppo
lähtevät aamuvarhain liikkeelle, tietäen, että oven
ulkopuolella odottaa suuret huomionosoitukset.
Matti tuntee olonsa hermostuneeksi ja miettii
hetken, miten voisi paeta tilannetta. ”alan kuitenkin
hikoilemaan auringossa ja kieleni menee solmuun
vastaillessa kysymyksiin.” Hän ei oikein tiedä miten
päin olisi ja huomaamattaan alkaa sukimaan partaansa.
Pihalle päästyään hän välttelee katsekontaktia, kuin
paetakseen niin koko tilannetta.
Teppo on puolestaan innoissaan. Tänään on hänen
juhlapäivänsä ja hän saa kaiken huomion. Hän kirmaa
innoissaan pihalle ja tervehtii jokaista vastaantulijaa
silmiin katsoen. ”Onpas ihmiset tänään hyvällä
tuulella, Kurttunaaman Pässikin tuntui hymyilevän
[ 42 ]
minulle.” Hän jatkaa matkaansa torille selkä suorana
astellen. Torille päästyään kaikki onnittelevat Teppoa
ja hän kättelee sekä halailee kyläläisiä. Syntymäpäivä
kivelle noustuaan kaikki hiljentyvät kuuntelemaan,
mitä hänellä on sanottavaa. Teppo seisoo ryhdikkäästi
juhlakivellä ja aloittaa kuuluvalla äänellä puheensa,
kiittäen paikalle saapuneita kyläläisiä.
Matti vaikeroi tiensä torille kiittäen vaivaantuneesti
onnitteluita, joita hän kuulee samalla kun katselee
käveleviä jalkojaan. Perille päästyä lähimmäiset
ystävät tulevat halaamaan Mattia onnitellakseen
häntä. Osa kyläläisistä käy kättelemässä Mattia. Matti
kiertelee ja kaartelee kiven ympärillä ja sukii jälleen
partaansa. Lopulta joku kyläläisistä huutaa; ”Eiköhän
ole Matin aika nousta juhlakivelle.” Matti Nousee
kivelle ja näkee ystäviensä katsovan häntä. Suurin
osa kyläläisistä jatkaa omia juttujaan ja Matti kiittää
nopeasti kaikkia onnitteluista ja laskeutuu hartiat
kumarassa pois kiveltä.
Kun saavut luokkaan tai tilanteeseen, jota sinä johdat,
saavu sinne kuin Teppo; pää pystyssä, ryhti suorassa
ja katso kuuntelijoitasi silmiin. Tervehdi jokaista ja
jos pyydät jotain, kuten hiljaisuutta, odota, että saat
sen ennen kuin jatkat. Pidä itsesi tilanteen herrana,
täyttämällä koko huone omalla energiallasi.
[ 43 ]
Respect at First Sight
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
rom the first time two people look at each
other, they have an immediate perception.
This perception will become an opinion, which may be
positive or negative.
Each single person wants to give a good first impression.
Nowadays, everyone is looking for a remote control
that makes it possible to dominate social relationships.
All of us want to be admired and have the society’s
attention, but people don’t always get what they want…
Do you dream of respect? Expensive clothes and
jewelry are not the key. Do you wish to impose the
order? You could scream, but people will not listen.
Do you want to be intimidating? You do not need
weapons. If you learn how to make eye contact, you
will shoot directly your enemy, without repraisals or
“The eyes are the mirror of the soul.”
Eye contact is not only a meeting between the eyes of
two individuals, but also a confrontation between their
personality, determination, and will. It is a challenge,
and sometimes really difficult to hold before someone
has to give up.
Did you already hear about respect at first sight?
[ 44 ]
No matter the age, many people are disrespectful and
irresponsible, challenging everything and everyone,
believing that the world revolves around them.
Try not to reply to provocations, at least with your
mouth. Make eye contact and you will show a strong
attitude and reach the control of everyday life, as well
as the respect of everyone. Show them that you are not
just looking, but actually seeing.
There is only one opportunity to create a first
impression, then you just have to keep it. Your look
has to reflect confidence, audacity and firmness. Let
someone in your sight, and you will see how your
attention and approach have become reason of pure
discomfort. When you release him, you will see how
his behavior will change. If you win this battle, you will
win the war!
Hunter or prey, which one will you be?
[ 45 ]
Respeito à Primeira Vista
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
esde a primeira vez que duas pessoas se
olham, elas têm uma percepção imediata.
Esta percepção vaise tornar numa opinião, que pode
ser positiva ou negativa.
Cada pessoa quer dar uma boa primeira impressão.
Nos dias de hoje, toda a gente procura um comando
remoto que torne possível dominar as relações sociais.
Todos nós queremos ser admirados e ter a atenção
da sociedade, mas nem sempre as pessoas têm o que
Sonhas com respeito? Roupas e jóias caras não são a
Desejas impor a ordem? Podes gritar, mas as pessoas
não vão ouvir.
Queres intimidar? Não precisas de armas. Se
aprenderes como fazer contacto visual, vais atingir
directamente o teu inimigo, sem represálias ou
“Os olhos são o espelho da alma”.
[ 46 ]
Contacto visual não é apenas um encontro entre os
olhos de dois indivíduos, mas também um confronto
entre a sua personalidade, determinação e vontade.
É um desafio, por vezes realmente difícil de suportar,
onde alguém tem de desistir.
Já ouviste falar em respeito à primeira vista?
Não importa a idade, muitas pessoas são desrespeitosas
e irresponsáveis, desafiando tudo e todos, acreditando
que o mundo gira à sua volta.
Tenta não responder a provocações, pelo menos com
a boca. Faz contacto visual e vais mostrar uma atitude
forte e conquistar o controlo da vida quotidiana, bem
como o respeito de todos. Mostralhes que não estás
apenas a olhar, mas realmente a ver.
“Só há uma oportunidade para criar uma primeira
impressão”, depois só tens de conservála. O teu olhar
tem de reflectir confiança, audácia e firmeza. Deixa
alguém de baixo da tua vista, e vais ver como a tua
atenção e aproximação se tornaram razão de puro
desconforto. Quando libertares essa pessoa, verás
como o seu comportamento vai mudar. Se ganhares
esta batalha, ganharás a guerra!
Caçador ou presa, qual vais ser?
[ 47 ]
Hou Do U Speall Thet?
omeone once said that the golden rule is to
treat others the way you want to be treated;
however, time and time again we find people breaking
this rule, or choosing not to follow this rule. Yes, it is
true that not everyone can be pleased and that some
people may not like or agree with your way of doing
things. However, this is where “constructive criticism”
comes in; you can give your opinion to someone, but
in a polite, constructive, non-judgmental way. In a
perfect world this would be the way, but in our world
“constructive criticism” gets replaced with insults.
These insults come with any profession; government
officials, doctors, teachers, law enforcement officers,
and even celebrities have experienced the blow of
an insult. In the school setting children very often
describe their teachers as being, “stupid, ridiculous,
boring, bitchy, an asshole, etc.”. All of these words are
not very nice, and being confronted with one of these
adjectives in class may throw the teacher for a loop.
How do you react? Do you send the student(s) to the
principal’s office? Do you simply just ignore it? Do
you snap back with an equally insulting comment?
There are many different possibilities of handling a
situation like this; the first and foremost thing to do
however is to draw all the attention away from the
meaning of the offensive word.
Instead, as a teacher you start focusing on how the
word is spelt; thus turning an embarrassing insult into
[ 48 ]
a learning experience through a spelling lesson.
This method can be easily carried out with just about
any unpleasant word your students can cook up. Let’s
say little Johnny decides to call you, the teacher, a
“stupid bitch”. First, before you get the urge to curse
your student out, write the insult on the board. But,
here’s the trick, spell it incorrectly. So, instead of
spelling the words “stupid bitch” on the board, write
the insult this way “stoopid bitsch”. Then ask your
students, is this what you mean?
Obviously this is the incorrect way to spell it so your
students will say “no, that’s not how it’s spelled”.
This is exactly the reaction you want! Then erase
the incorrect spelling and again rewrite it spelling
it yet again incorrectly, but incorrectly in a different
way from the first spelling. Once again ask the same
question, and again you will get the same response. Do
this a couple of times, you don’t want to overdo it, and
then eventually ask your students how it’s supposed
to be spelt.
Write this correct spelling on the board, and then
along with it ask your students to yell out any other
insults they may know. Once the entire board is full
and all the insults are out in the open you can tell your
students that now you and they have seen all the nasty
things someone can say, and so nothing will surprise
you and you don’t need to hear them again.
This method of turning an insult into a classroom
spelling lesson is a great way to divert the attention
away from the meaning of the word and into the
spelling of the word.
[ 49 ]
f teachers teach in a dull way, only reading and
following the books, it is difficult for students
to concentrate in class. Soon students will start to play,
and other students will imitate each other, these actions
will then result in classroom disruptions.
Therefore, the arrangement in the lesson is very
important. The teacher can design more interesting
things to attract students and get them interested
in learning. Nowadays, the students are not just
listening to lectures in the classroom, but they’re also
experiencing things as well. Teachers can arrange time
to invite students to apply what they have learned; for
example, students can apply reacting force to make
water rockets. Also teachers can use online resources
like YouTube or online software to assist their teaching.
Students can focus better by using film, animation, or
interactive games. These can attract the attention of
students and motivate them to learn more. Moreover,
teachers can use newspaper clippings and paintings in
their lessons. Students are not only listening to what
the teachers says, but they’re also enhancing their
understanding of the subject through the use of visual
aids. By using different variations the teacher can use
the learning styles of the students. There are many
learning styles: visual, audio, cognitive and a practical
approach. Students have different approaches when
they learn things, and not every student is alike.
[ 50 ]
In fact, if teachers just spend a little creativity in
teaching they can gain a lot. It is not only to attract
the attention of students, but it can also improve
the student’s retention.
[ 51 ]
[ 52 ]
en hier de foto
[ 53 ]
Politeness in America
oliteness in America is a hit or miss; it’s just
plain and simple, either someone is polite
and possesses these traits or they don’t. There’s no
cookie cutter shape of “politeness”. It also goes to say
that America is a big place and that what is “polite” in
one region might not be polite in another region.
As a person you interact and experience politeness
with many different people, they may be friends, family
members, co-workers, or even complete strangers;
and with their differences come differences in what is
“polite” and what isn’t.
For example, when you walk through a door that needs
to either be pushed or pulled open it is polite to hold
it open for someone that’s following behind you. This
is considered polite regardless of your relationship
or lack thereof with the person behind you; it is also
considered as being polite all over America.
However, holding the door open only needs to be
done if someone is either a few paces in front of
(coming through the door towards you) or behind you
(following you through the door). Going along with
opening the door, it is also polite to say thank you if
someone opens the door for you, and you’re welcome
if you are the one being thanked for opening the door.
Please and thank you are golden words when trying
to be polite. If you ask for directions or help you say
please and when you receive that help you thank the
person, this is polite and it’s just common courtesy. It
[ 54 ]
is also polite to help someone pick something up that
they’ve either knowingly or unknowingly dropped. If
you see someone carrying a handful of things and they
drop something it is polite to help them pick it up so
that they don’t drop everything they’re holding. Or if
someone is holding their gloves in their hand and then
drops one, it is polite to pick it up and hand it back to
Helping your fellow man is the basic idea of American
politeness. If you see someone struggling you try to
help them, and if the tables are turned and someone
helps you, you thank them.
There are just three simple rules to follow when trying
to be polite in America:
* if you see someone that needs help in one way or
another you try and help them;
* say please if you are asking for something or if you
* say thank you when you receive something (whether
it be help or a material item).
Following these rules will allow you to be polite no
matter where in America you travel to.
[ 55 ]
Rudeness Is Much More Expensive
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
ll of us are living in a society, where all
human beings, some more than others,
have values deeply rooted within themselves.
In all countries there are different people and cultures,
and for this reason, there are different behaviors and
etiquette rules. Portugal is no exception.
Education is the fundamental building block which
teaches us to behave in any place or situation.
“You can run but you can not hide.”
Are you invited to dinner?
It is true that Portuguese people deal well with delays,
however, you should arrive at convenient hours and
greet all people in the room. Many women greet each
other with two kisses on the cheek, and men, as well
as a man and a woman, with a handshake.
If someone offers you a drink or a snack, you must
accept. Do not wait for the second chance, it could not
If you want to be nice, bring a dessert or a bottle of
wine to contribute for the dinner.
To be polite, ask if you can help with anything. Do not
feel bad because your help will probably be denied.
At the beginning of the meal, you should wait to be
served and start to eat at the same time as everyone
else. If you do not like the food, put on a smile and say
that you love it anyway.
[ 56 ]
Do not talk loudly, or with your mouth full. Do not
burp, that is really rude.
And last, never leave your seat before everyone has
finished eating, and don’t worry about cleaning your
dish, the host will take care of that.
Do you have a birthday party?
Bring a gift to the birthday boy or girl, but keep in mind
that unless it is an envelope with money your present
will be opened immediately. Anyway, the birthday boy
or girl will thank you and express the most sincere
pleasure. Stay cool, people know how to lie very well
when they feel necessary.
Do you have a job interview?
Speak properly and dress in a formal way.
Turn off the sound of your cell phone. Any interruption
is a bad signal.
Knock on the door and remove your hat when entering.
Arrive on time and do not forget to introduce yourself.
Nobody will do it for you.
If you know how to behave in these three situations,
you will succeed and get much sympathy. I believe that
the Portuguese people are easy to please, but are also
easy to offend. Try to be attentive to detail. Help those
who need attention, learn to listen, be polite, and
have respect for yourself and the world around you.
Otherwise you will lose more than you’ll win.
Rudeness is much more expensive.
[ 57 ]
[ 58 ]
A Rudeza É Muito Mais Cara
Íris Lopes Pitacas Antunes
odos nós estamos a viver numa sociedade,
onde todos os seres humanos, uns mais do
que outros, têm valores profundamente enraizados
dentro de si próprios.
Em todos os países existem diferentes povos e culturas,
e por esta razão, diferentes comportamentos e regras
de etiqueta. Portugal não é uma excepção.
A educação é um bloco de construção fundamental que
nos ensina a comportar em qualquer sítio ou situação.
“Podes fugir mas não te podes esconder”.
Estás convidado para um jantar?
É verdade que o povo português lida bem com os
atrasos, de qualquer forma, deves chegar a horas
convenientes e cumprimentar todas as pessoas na
sala. As mulheres cumprimentam-se com dois beijos
na bochecha, e os homens, tal como um homem e uma
mulher, com um aperto de mão.
Se alguém te oferecer uma bebida ou um aperitivo,
deves aceitar. Não esperes pela segunda oportunidade,
pode não vir…
Se queres ser simpático, traz uma sobremesa ou uma
garrafa de vinho para contribuir para o jantar.
Para ser educado, pergunta se podes ajudar em alguma
coisa. Não tenhas medo, a tua ajuda vai provavelmente
No início da refeição, deves aguardar seres servido e
[ 59 ]
começar a comer ao mesmo tempo que toda a gente.
Se não gostares da comida, põe um sorriso nos lábios
e diz que a adoras de qualquer das formas.
Não fales alto, ou com a boca cheia. Não arrotes, é
Por último, nunca deixes o teu lugar antes de todos
terminarem de comer, e não te preocupes, não terás
de lavar o teu prato.
Tens uma festa de aniversário?
Traz um presente para o aniversariante, mas mantém
em mente que, a menos que seja um envelope com
dinheiro, o teu presente será aberto imediatamente.
De qualquer forma, o aniversariante vai agradecerte e expressar o mais sincero agrado. Fica calmo, as
pessoas sabem mentir muito bem quando precisam.
Vais a uma entrevista de emprego?
Fala convenientemente e veste-te de uma forma formal.
Desliga o som ao telemóvel. Qualquer interrupção é
um mau sinal.
Bate á porta e remove o chapéu ao entrares.
Chega a horas e não te esqueças de te apresentar.
Ninguém o fará por ti.
Se souberes como te comportar nestas três situações,
vais ter sucesso e ganhar muita simpatia. Eu acredito
que o povo português é fácil de agradar, mas também
fácil de ofender. Tenta ser atendo aos detalhes. Ajuda
aqueles que precisam de atenção, aprende a ouvir, sê
educado, e tem respeito por ti e pelo mundo que te
rodeia, caso contrário vais perder mais do que ganhar.
A rudeza é muito mais cara!
[ 60 ]
[ 61 ]
Do not do that, do not say it!
Cláudia Pena Gonçalves
Do not put your elbows on the table.
Do not chew with your mouth open.
Do not put too much food in your mouth.
Do not make any noise while chewing.
Do not drink from your glass until you’ve finished
what’s in your mouth and make sure to wipe your lips.
Do not drink all water or juice in one slurp.
You should only leave the table after you ask the eldest
Always says “please” when you ask someone for
Do not smoke without asking if you’re allowed.
Do not take food into the cinema.
Be moderate, you should not speak loud.
Do not walk with your pants dragging the ground.
Learn to be discreet.
[ 62 ]
When a woman is introduced to a man, she must reach
out her hand, before the man does.
The guest of honor at a reception ceremony is
presented to all guests and must stand beside the
At the table during the meal you cannot wear a cap, hat,
or shirt without sleeves.
n the days of today, discussing rules of “good
etiquette” always raises the most varied reactions
among people. On one side we have the age group
consisting of persons of full age, which gives great
importance to certain codes of etiquette This place
falls within a given social level, assuming a position in
the eyes of society. On the other hand we have the age
group constituted by younger individuals, where the
traditional rules of good education are “no longer in
use”; instead they tend to “revolutionize” these rules
imposed over the years; trying to escape and change
these same standards as a means of social statement,
to fit a particular social group.
All these social rules imposed over the years, have
always constrained the progress of human history.
Whenever there is another rule, norm, or value, it’s an
added barrier to the inner self of man; so he can never,
simply be, be himself. For there is always some rule
that discriminates or censors you from being who you
are or what you do. Even if you want to “escape” those
rules imposed by a society that tends to stifle us, you
[ 63 ]
may be socially excluded because whoever does not
incorporate these standards of “good etiquette” is put
aside and rejected.
But of these so called rules of good education, they are
often not more than a facade. They only serve only to
look like something; to simulate behaviors, feelings,
and gestures, where the genuine gives place to fake
and where everything around us is “artificial.”
However, for most individuals, the rules of good
education and behavior are the foundation of society;
they are the ones who dictate what is right or wrong
and make it possible to live together as a society.
[ 64 ]
Não digas isso, não faças isso!
Cláudia Pena Gonçalves
Não coloques os cotovelos em cima da mesa;
Não mastigues de boca aberta;
Não enchas a boca de comida;
Não faças barulho a mastigar;
Não leves o copo à boca antes de engolires a comida e
de limpares os lábios;
Não bebas a água ou sumo de uma só vez;
Só deves sair da mesa, depois de pedires licença à
pessoa mais velha;
Diz sempre “por favor”, quando pedires algo a alguém;
Não fumes, sem antes perguntares se podes;
Não leves comida para o cinema;
Se moderado, não fales alto;
Não andes com as calças arrastar pelo chão;
Aprende a ser discreto;
Quando uma mulher é apresentada a um homem, esta
deverá estender a mão, antes que o homem o faça;
O convidado de honra, numa recepção de cerimónia,
é apresentado a todos os convidados e deverá ficar ao
lado da anfitriã, à entrada e de pé;
À mesa da refeição nunca se usa boné, chapéu ou
camisa sem mangas.
[ 65 ]
os dias de hoje, falarmos em regras de boa etiqueta
levanta sempre as mais variadas reacções entre as
pessoas. Num lado temos a faixa etária constituída por
pessoas de maior idade, que dá uma enorme importância
a determinados códigos de etiqueta, que os inserem num
determinado patamar social, assumindo uma posição
aos olhos da sociedade; por outro lado temos a faixa
etária constituída por indivíduos mais jovens, onde para
estes as ditas regras tradicionais de etiqueta “já não
se usam”, aonde tendem a “revolucionar” estas regras
impostas ao longo dos anos, tentando fugir e alterar
estas mesmas normas como forma de afirmação social,
para se enquadrarem num determinado grupo social.
Todas estas regras sociais, impostas ao longo dos anos, à
civilização tem vindo a condicionar sempre o desenrolar
da história do Homem. Sempre que surge mais uma
regra, uma norma, um valor, é mais um entrave ao “eu”
interior do Homem, fazendo com que este nunca possa,
simplesmente, ser, ser ele próprio.
Existe sempre alguma regra que o censura ou o descrimina
por ser quem é, ou por fazer o que faz. Mesmo que queira
“fugir” destas regras impostas por uma sociedade que nos
tende a sufocar é excluído socialmente, pois quem não
integra estas normas da boa etiqueta é posto à margem,
Mas estas ditas regras da boa educação, não são mais do
que uma fachada, pois apenas servem para aparentar
algo. Para simular comportamentos, sentimentos, gestos,
onde o genuíno deu lugar ao dissimulado, onde tudo
o que nos rodeia é “artificial”. Contudo, para a maioria
dos indivíduos, as regras da boa educação são a base
da sociedade, são elas que ditam o que está correcto ou
incorrecto e tornam possível a convivência enquanto
[ 66 ]
[ 67 ]
Politeness in Finland
uiet, private space, sauna, and perkele!
I struggled in my mind to choose which
one of those words would best describe the Finnish
people. After a long moment I realized that each one
of those tells the same story in a different view. I had
to forget myself and look way back before I was able
to dive deeper, or perhaps to rise closer, to the surface
to get a picture of Finnish people and our ways to act.
The Finns are quiet people. Politeness is more passive
than active. We need space around ourselves and we
also give it to others. If you ever find yourself in Finland,
you’ll notice this in public transports. If it’s possible we
sit in our own bench lines, and if somebody sits next
to us we rarely take contact to him or her. However we
don’t mind if someone starts to talk; who would not
like open and pleasant company.
Small talk is not usual in Finland. We talk when we
have something to say. We are do-people; actions
speak louder than words. The rhythm of speaking is
quite calm and when the speaker changes there might
be long breaks. Silence is certainly not a negative
thing for Finns. It gives indirect information from the
situation. Small gestures and facial expressions or
their absence can sometimes tell more than words,
and on the other hand sometimes one word can give
the same as long conversation.
[ 68 ]
Finns do not have a lunch or drink-dating habit in a
cafe. Generally people call each other for a visit. The
normal way is to go to a friend’s place to have a cup of
coffee or tea. To friends and family you can go without
announcement but usually we have agreed on the date
and time in advance. With coffee or tea Finns usually
serve some small snacks and if a friend comes from a
distance we may also make some food. When serving
food we avoid taking it first, and you should only take
what you can eat because it’s a bit impolite to leave
it uneaten. Normally we thank our host and he or
she answers with humble style; “It was nothing. I am
happy that you liked it”. And as it is known Finns like
to drink a lot. When we go to a bar we drink more than
one or two portions, and often before that we have a
pre-party at friend’s home.
Finns often want to take foreign guests to the Sauna.
The sauna is our pride and it is for many a holy place.
In the sauna, Finns often open up and start to talk
about their thoughts and meaning of life. In a sauna
you can have a moment to relax and forget the rest of
the world. If there is opportunity to swim in the lake,
or during the winter in the ice, we take it. In the sauna
we generally go naked, but often in male and female
turns. Refusal is not offensive, as long as you have a
Even thought we have a sauna, and you might think we
are used to closeness, the Finns are not accustomed
to the intimacy and touching. When greeting Finns
shake hands. Sometimes we might give a hug to a
[ 69 ]
friend, especially if the last meeting was long time
ago. Women and children give more physical contact
than Finnish men. Almost the only time you see men
hugging each other is in sports like ice hockey. Lovers,
children, parents, and young girls can walk hand in
hand, otherwise touching is often thought as a sign of
The Finns are slowly warming people, but if you make
friends with us we will be with you in your life’s good
moments, as well as to support you in the difficult
moments of your life.
[ 70 ]
iljaisuus, oma tila, sauna ja perkele! Kävin
mielessäni kovaa kamppailua siitä, mikä
näistä sanoista saisi Suomea parhaiten kuvaavan
tittelin. Lopulta päädyin siihen, että jokainen näistä
kertoo samaa tarinaa jokseenkin eri muodossa.
Minun täytyi karsia uudet virrat ja unohtaa hetkeksi
itseni, ennen kuin pystyin sukeltamaan syvemmälle
tai ehkäpä nousemaan pinnemmalle kansamme
Suomalaiset ovat hiljaista kansaa. Kohteliaisuus
on enemmänkin passiivista, kuin asioiden korostamista. Tarvitsemme tilaa ympärillemme ja sitä
myös annamme toisille. Jos eksyt Suomeen, tulet
huomaamaan tämän konkreettisesti julkisessa liikenteessä. Jos suinkaan mahdollista, istumme omille
penkkiriveille ja epätodennäköisen vierustoverin
kanssa teemme harvoin tuttavuutta. Emme kuitenkaan
erityisesti paheksu keskustelua, kukapa ei avoimesta
ja leppoisesta seurasta pitäisi.
Small-talk ei ole rantautunut Suomeen, vaan puhumme
silloin kun on asiaa. Me olemme tekevää kansaa;
toiminta voittaa sanat. Keskustelun tahti on melko
rauhallinen ja puheenvuorojen vaihtuessa saattaa olla
pitkiäkin taukoja. Hiljaisuus ei ole missään nimessä
negatiivinen asia Suomalaisille, vaan se välittää
epäsuorasti tietoa toisesta ja tilanteesta. Pienet eleet
[ 71 ]
ja ilmeet tai niiden pois jättäminen kertoo toisinaan
enemmän kuin valtavat sanatulvat. Joskus yksi sana
voi antaa saman, kuin pitkä keskustelu.
Suomalaiset eivät ole lounas tai yhden drinkin –
tapailu väkeä. Yleensä kutsumme ihmiset luoksemme
kyläilemään. Normaali tapa on käydä tuttavan luona
kahvilla. Ystävien ja läheisten luokse voit mennä
yllättäenkin, mutta yleensä sovimme päivän ja
ajan etukäteen. Kahvin kanssa tarjoamme yleensä
jotain pientä naposteltavaa ja jos ystävä tulee
kauempaa, saatamme myös laittaa ruoan. Ruokaa
tarjottaessa välttelemme ensimmäisenä ottamista,
mutta ruokaa saatua on epäkohteliasta jättää sitä
syömättä. Normaalisti kiitämme tarjoajaa ruuasta ja
tarjoaja esittää vaatimatonta ”mukavaa kun maistui”tyylillä. Ja kuten yleisesti tiedetään, suomalaiset ovat
juomakansaa. Aloittelemme usein kotona kavereiden
kanssa ja baariin siirryttäessä emme tyydy ainoastaan
yhteen tai kahteen tuoppiin.
Sauna on meidän ylpeyden aihe ja se on monelle pyhä
paikka. Saunassa jutellaan usein syntyjä syviä. Siellä
rentoudutaan ja unohdetaan hetkeksi muu maailma.
Suomalaiset haluavat usein viedä ulkomaalaiset
vieraansa saunaan ja mahdollisuuden mukaan uimaan
järveen tai talvella jopa avantoon. Saunaan lampsitaan
yleisesti ottaen alasti, usein nais- ja miesvuoroin.
Kieltäytyminen ei ole loukkaavaa, kunhan keksit
Vaikka Saunan olemassa olosta voisi päätellä toista,
[ 72 ]
suomalaiset eivät ole tottuneita yleiseen läheisyyteen ja
kosketteluun. Tutut ja uudet tuttavat kätellään, samoin
ystävät, mutta lähimmäiset ihmiset saatetaan tervehtiä
myös halaamalla, varsinkin jos viime tapaamisesta on
aikaa. Naisten ja lasten keskuudessa koskettaminen
on yleisempää, mutta suomalaisilla miehillä on
tietynlainen äijä –kulttuuri. He kättelevät tavatessa
ja halaamista saatetaan tavata urheilun muodossa,
esimerkiksi jääkiekkoilijoiden voittohuuman keskellä.
Rakastavaiset, lapset ja vanhemmat tai nuoret tytöt
saattavat kulkea käsi kädessä, muuten koskettelu
tulkitaan usein kiinnostuksen merkiksi.
Suomalaiset ovat omalla tavalla karkeaa kansaa, mutta
jos meistä ystävän saat, tulemme olemaan mukanasi
niin elämäsi hyvissä kuin tukenasi elämäsi vaikeissa
[ 73 ]
Politeness in Hong Kong
In Hong Kong, children must learn how to
be a polite person at school. There are some
tangible and intangible elements that will immerse in
the whole school life.
When the students see the teachers, they should greet
them with Mr, Miss, or nod. All the students will queue
up and be focused on the morning assembly. It is
impolite to chat with others while someone is telling
you something. So, all of them will learn to focus
and keep quite during the morning assembly. At the
beginning of every lesson, students will stand up, bow,
and say good morning to the teacher. Moreover, at the
end of every lesson, students will stand up again, bow,
and say good bye to the teacher. The aims are to let
students concentrate on and respect their teacher.
The students may do some group projects. When
they need somebody to help them or they need to
borrow something, they will learn how to use ‘please’
and ‘thank you’. And also, students will learn how to
communicate with other politely. Fighting with each
other to solve a problem is impolite. Finally, they will
learn how to respect the teachers, classmates, family
members and everyone else. Eventually they will
become a polite person.
[ 74 ]
[ 75 ]
Politeness in Hong Kong
[ 76 ]
[ 77 ]
foto eetstokjes links
[ 78 ]
hat you do in Japan depends on what
you want, but you certainly eat. When
you eat Japanese food, you have to be careful because
there are some rules that you should follow in order
not to disturb others.
First of all, we use chopsticks. It is quite difficult to
control them, and there are a lot of things that you
cannot do with them. For example, you must not lick
and bite them, stab food with them, pull a dish with
them, and hold and play with them like drum sticks.
If you find it uncomfortable to use them, just ask for
knives and forks. It is not a problem because we know
it is difficult to use chopsticks.
Sushi is famous all over the world, but it is not the only
choice in Japan. We eat a lot of noodles. As I mentioned
above, it is difficult to use chopsticks, however, the
more difficult part of eating noodles is that you have
to slurp. Like in most western countries, it is rude to
make noise, like opening your mouth while chewing,
but slurping is an exception. It can be disgusting to
hear the sound or embarrassing when you are not
used to it, but actually for us, it is more embarrassing
to see people trying not to make any noise while eating
noodles. Especially when eating noodles, please suck
it like a vacuum cleaner.
[ 79 ]
[ 80 ]
[ 81 ]
he Dutch word for politeness is beleefdheid. It
is related to gezellig, which when translated is
similar to the word cozy. Sitting together, chatting, having
coffee - tea is not really an appropriate drink during
gezelligheid - laughing and gossiping. Chilling is the modern
way of gezelligheid. During these cozy hours we like to tell
everybody the ‘truth’. That means: our truth. No need to ask
if we like you or not, we tell you anyway. Beware. Speaking
out loud is the gold medal; while shutting up is bronze. Your
religion, political preference, and sexlife, you name it and
we ask about it.
Politeness use to be all around in the Low Countries. It
was a necessary way of living together in a large family
without quarreling all day. Calvinistic politeness seemed a
way of survival. People with different cultural backgrounds
sometimes say we’re rude, and they may be right.These
days, individualization has come to the foreground. Ego’s
have grown in size and that means: more space per person.
Watch out because we fill the room, and we know our spot.
Parents, teachers, and other people concerned about the
up bringing of young people have a hell of a job to teach
them how to behave in an appropriate way. This is not
accomplished by ignoring the personal qualities of children,
but by teaching teenagers to say ‘thank you.’ The vocabulary
for gratefulness is missing in today’s youth.
If US citizens exaggerate being polite and friendly, the Dutch
treat ignores the assets of helpfulness and cosiness.
Politicians don’t exactly help to set good examples of decent
behavior these days. Instead for them it’s all in the game.
There are plenty of opportunities for teachers and other
“polite” people to raise standards of communication between
global citizens. It’s a wonderful world.
[ 82 ]
[ 83 ]
Blocking factors illustration
[ 84 ]
ooking back at the project, we realized that working
together on a book, and expressing ourselves on
the subject of communication offered a lot. Discussing
and exchanging opinions made us richer than when
It is great to see how everybody uses the lingua franca in
his or her own way. It shows that the English language
is the most endangered language in the world, not that
English would disappear from the globe, but that the
old English will be enriched by influences all around
the globe. A new Esperanto is born.
We found that the international exchange gives a fresh
look at communication. At the same time there seem
to be universal rules that make life more pleasant. One
of these rules is respect for different cultures.
Self confidence is a great asset for everyone, specially
for teachers. When there are blocking factors in
someone’s soul it is necessary to have an open mind
and talk about the problems that have arisen in earlier
years. Feel free and make sure to express your feelings
in a safe environment. Do not hesitate to seek out help.
We are gratefull for the opportunity to express our
thoughts and the things we learned in this book. We
hope that all around the world people will benefit
from our learning experiences in The Netherlands.
[ 85 ]
n two months time six international students wrote a
book on effective communication in school and in daily
life. They learned to speak each others languages and
educated each other in new skills. They bring home a part
of this Dutch treat.
The globe changes into a global village. It has been a great
honor to meet these young and ambitious students.
Rob Koning, head of department of communication of NHL University
(right) supplied additional funds for this project.
[ 86 ]
This book is based on Vaste verkering, a compilation in Dutch,
describing lots of advices for effective class management.
[ 87 ]
[ 88 ]