chatter chow 1-29-15 - TheChatterChowchilla.com

THURSDAY, JANUARY 29, 2015
CURLY HUBBARD WILL BE 103!
Please come by to honor Curly on
Friday, February 6, from 1pm - 3 pm at the
Home of: Waneta Dower— 340 S. 8th
(corner of 8th & Humboldt) Chowchilla.
Any ques,ons, call Jack Simon @ 665-2723
WIDOWS & WIDOWERS LUNCHEON, FRIDAY, JANUARY 30—NOON,
Masonic Hall, 224 Ventura Blvd.
Luncheon $10, RSVP Nina 665-2623 or
Bonnie 665-4002 or (559)395-2463 if
you wish to attend. ALL widows & widowers invited! RESERVATIONS REQUIRED! Proceeds to American Legion
Post #148 projects.
TAKE OUT PANCAKE BREAKFAST,
Saturday, Jan. 31
from 8AM-11AM,
VFW Hall, 245 S. 5th
Street, Breakfast only $5, includes pancakes, eggs, sausage, juice. Supports
CUHS Cheerleaders.
Chowchilla Police Report for 1/18/15—1/24/15 is on
our website: www.thechatterchowchilla.com
LAST SIGN-UP FOR CHOWCHILLA GIRLS SOFTBALLRECREATIONAL LEAGUE this Saturday, January 31, from 10AM1PM, Wilson Gym. All registrations MUST include a Birth Certificate
NO exceptions. Age as of March 15, 2015. T-Ball 4-5; Minors, Juniors, Majors (8th grade is limit) Questions: call Jerry Volkmar
(559) 244-1920 or Case Vlot (209) 974-4300
VALENTINE’S DAY SENIOR
DINNER, Saturday, Feb 14, at
6PM, Chowchilla Senior Center,
820 Robertson Blvd. Pizza & Salad $5.
Drinks $1. Pay in advance – Sign-up
sheet at Chowchilla Senior Center.
CANCELLATION!
Cancelled: CRAFT & HOBBY BAZAAR,
at the VFW Hall,
this Saturday, January 31.
Due to Death in the Family
SOROPTIMIST SALAD BAR
Wednesday, February 18
11AM-1PM
O’Laughlin Hall. $9 – dine in or take
out. For tickets or info, call or text
Nancy (559)474-7249.
WHY TEACHERS DRINK!
Q. Name a major disease associated
with cigarettes. A. Premature death.
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the
body categorised, e.g. the abdomen? A.
The body is consisted into 3 parts - the
brainium, the borax and the abdominal
cavity. The brainium contains the brain,
the borax contains the heart and lungs
and the abdominal cavity contains the
five bowels: A,E,I,O,U
Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie.
Q.What does 'varicose' mean? A.Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of
birth control? A. Most people prevent
contraception and wear a condominium.
Q. Give the meaning of the term
'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean
section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure? A.A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I
conquered)
Q. What is a terminal illness? A. When
you are sick at the airport.
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you
be eight (Brilliant!)
Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an
Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once
a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around
his head.
Quote of the Week
The truth is everyone is going
to hurt you.
You just have to find the ones
worth suffering for.
Reliable investigative sources in California say that radical Muslims are
planning to go on a rampage in the
City of Los Angeles, killing anyone who
is a U.S. citizen. Police fear the death
toll could be as high as 6.
A middle-aged man took his car to an
auto shop for a checkup. When he received the mechanic's bill, the man
flipped. "Hey!" he yelled to the owner
of the shop. "This bill is higher than the
one I got from my doctor for a complete physical checkup." The auto shop
owner nodded, "I believe it," he said.
"The difference is my bill includes the
checkup and the replacement of worn
out parts!"
A driver tucked this note under the
windshield wiper of his automobile.
"I've circled the block for 20 minutes.
I'm late for an appointment, and if I
don't park here I'll lose my job.
'Forgive us our trespasses.'" When he
came back he found a parking ticket
and this note: "I've circled the block
for 20 years, and if I don't give you a
ticket, I'll lose my job. `Lead us not
into temptation.'"
I got tired of paying $39/month for my
security alarm service. I put up a Pakistani flag on one corner of the house and
the Black flag of ISIS on the other. The
FBI,CIA,NSA and who knows what other
agencies are watching my house 24/7
now. The police department drives by 8
times a day and night staring. I feel
much safer now.
A doctor, a dentist and an attorney
were in a boat together when a wave
came along and washed them all overboard. Unable to get back into the
boat, they decided two would hold on
to the boat and the third would swim
to shore for help. They noticed that
there were hundreds of sharks between them and land. Without a word
the lawyer took off! As he swam the
sharks move aside. The dentist yelled,
“it's a miracle!” “No”, said the doctor,
“That's professional courtesy!”
Fun Word Things!
Jokes about German sausage are
the wurst.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Broken pencils are pointless.
Velcro - what a rip off!
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still
have something on the ball but you
are just too tired to bounce it.
Some people try to turn back their
"odometers." Not me. I want people
to know 'why' I look this way. I've
traveled a long way and some of the
roads weren't paved.
Morris Schwartz is dying and on his deathbed. He is with his nurse, his wife,
daughter and 2 sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them: "Bernie, I
want you to take the Beverly Hills houses." "Sybil, take the apartments over
in Los Angeles Plaza." "Hymie, I want you to take the offices over
in City Center." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings
downtown" The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away,
she says to the wife, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a
hard working man to have accumulated so much property." Sarah replies,
"Property shmoperty...the schmuck had a newspaper route."
Why did the blonde write TGIF on her
shoes. To remind her toes go in first.
DID YOU KNOW???
The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused
more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.
The world’s oldest known recipe
is for beer.
The can opener was invented 48 years
after cans were introduced.
Hippo milk is pink.
FOR SALE: Very mad mother selling
16 year old son’s 1993 Ford Ranger.
Driven 3 months before son forgot to
use his brain and got caught driving
drunk. $3,500 OBO. Call meanest
mother in Wyoming (307)xxx-xxxx.
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THURSDAY, FRIDAY, JAN 30: WIDOWS & WIDOWERS LUNCHEON, Noon,
Masonic Hall, 224 Ventura Blvd. Luncheon $10. RSVP Nina 6652623 or Bonnie 665-4002 or (559)395-2463 if you wish to
a<end. ALL widows and widowers invited! RESERVATIONS REQUIRED!
SATURDAY, JAN 31: TAKE OUT PANCAKE BREAKFAST, 8AM-11AM, VFW
Hall, 245 S. 5th Street, Breakfast only $5, includes pancakes,
eggs, sausage, juice. Supports CUHS Cheerleaders.
Cancelled: CRAFT & HOBBY BAZAAR, VFW Hall, 245 S. 5th
CHOWCHILLA GIRLS SOFTBALL-RECREATIONAL LEAGUE SIGN
UP , 10AM-1PM, Wilson Gym. Last chance to sign up!
SUNDAY, FEB 1: SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!
THURSDAY, FEB 5: OPEN HOUSE & RIBBON CUTTING: CENCAL CREATIONS, 515 W. Robertson Blvd, ste 3. 11AM.
FRIDAY, FEB 6: CURLY HUBBARD’S 103RD BIRTHDAY PARTY, 1pm-3pm, at
the home of Waneta Dower, 340 S. 8th St (corner of 8th & Humboldt) Any questions, call Jack Simon 6652723.
SATURDAY, FEB 7: CALIFORNIA FLAT TRACK ASSOC. “AFTERBURNER
‘FEEL LIKE A PRO’ RACE SCHOOL & PRACTICE, AGerburner
Cushin Track, Chowchilla Fairgrounds. 8AM-2PM, Youth Race
Seminar 10AM-1PM; New Racers School 10AM-4PM, No cycles, quads, racing, running on track aGer 2PM.
SUNDAY, FEB 8: CALIFORNIA FLAT TRACK ASSOC. “AFTERBURNER RACE,
AGerBurner Cushin Track, Chowchilla Fairgrounds. Gates open
8AM. Signups 8AM-10AM, Prac,ce 10AM-Noon, Racing starts
at NOON.
ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT PANCAKE BREAKFAST W/SAUSAGE OR BISCUITS & GRAVY, 7AM-11AM, Masonic Hall, 224 Ventura Ave.
Includes juice or coffee. $5 per person. Combo Pancakes & Biscuits & Gravy $8 per person. $20 per family maximum.
TUESDAY, FEB 10: CITY COUNCIL MEETING, 7PM, Civic Center.