My Mom`s a Supermodel FREE

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MY MOM'S
A
SUPERMODEL
Here's a family you will never
forget!
douglas r
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Copyright © Douglas R.
My Mom'a Supermodel is an ebook by Douglas R. All rights reserved.
I don't like scary copyright announcements
so I'm just gonna put my swagger on and tell y'all good
folks that I really appreciate you reading this story, it'll
be funny, no doubt you're in for a laugh.
Um... just to be fair you can't plagiarize the storyline or
characters or change any content within this ebook.
Neither are you allowed to distribute this book in print
or soft-copy without prior written permission from the
author (who is me). Characters, places, brands in this book are used
fictionally—or maybe not. Any relation however is
coincidental, unless Alex and the rest really do exist.
Which I hope will only prove that I am crazy. ! of !1102
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THE STORY BEFORE THE STORY
I never thought our family would make it
out of poverty until my brother, Asher made
that possible. This is what happened:
Our family lived in a ghetto on the outskirts
of Pretoria, South Africa where me and my
siblings attended this government school which
wasn't what you could call a learning
environment. Asher is the eldest of us. Leo and
Lisa follow as twins (Lisa popped out first) and
just a year later sixteen year old Abby was
born. But me? I'm adopted. I never knew my
real parents. I grew up with these guys and
their family became my family. Their mom and
dad became my mom and dad.
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If there was one thing Asher couldn't stop
it's basketball! He practiced day and night and
he couldn't stop. Standing at a small court in
an alley where a basket was hung on a
building's wall, he used to beam down at me
with eyes full of determination and say, "Son,
you know I'm gonna make it, right? Practice
with me, two heads are better than one!" And
that's what we did together. Practice, practice
and more practice. A few sprained ankles and
muscle cramps and my broken wrist when I fell
from the basket rim but we were good.
And speaking of our heads... we weren't
that good in school. School wasn't good for us
either. It was a mad place at times. To Asher,
school was hell! All he wanted to do was drop
out of high school. Me? I couldn't read well at
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all. But that's not my fault. I'm a audible
learner. I don't learn a thing when I read a book
or a paper article—one paragraph taking me
six minutes plus two extra for checking the
dictionary—I simply forget everything! What I
do is plug in my earphones that my sister Lisa
stole for me (yes, she made a magnificent thief)
and listen to an encyclopedia and sometimes a
novel (I confess it was on a stolen iPod touch).
Reading one would take me a life time so
audiobooks were quite a savior for me.
Okay, back to Asher. One good day all his
hard work finally paid back. It happened like
this:
A burglar broke into our little home in the
flats at night and stole our basketball. Asher
got out of bed and ran out after the bastard as
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fast as he could. The guy took a car and drove
away. Asher stole a Mercedes and pursued
after the imbecile. It was wild!
They swerved and raced all over town until
my brother decided to crash into the guy. The
vehicles burned rubber over the road, skidding
out of course and smashing a tree out of the
ground! Asher finally got his ball back but then
the police came and there was trouble again.
They both ended up at the station and
my bro was in serious trouble. There were
about a dozen charges from speeding to
destruction of public property, car theft,
vandalism and a lot of infringement stuff I
couldn't understand. The bail was set so high
our poor family wasn't able to pay. But guess
who did?
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An undercover basketball scout was around
town and when he heard about a tall kid who
raced around Pretoria, breaking people's and
government property just to have his ball back,
he knew this was the kid he was looking for. His
team needed a spark of a kind and Asher just
might've been the answer. So he bailed him
out and offered him a deal. A deal became a
contract. A few months later after some time in
training, my bro stood in the city's biggest
basketball court, wearing the Wanderers
Scorpions jersey! We got free seats up front. It
was the first time me and my siblings got to
watch a game like this legally And Asher was
good!
But Wanderers is a team from
Johannesburg and that meant we had to move.
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Dad and mom were very supportive of Asher,
his salary saved us all from starvation! Things
really weren't going well for our family. Lisa was
thinking of dropping school too. She went into
lots of frustration, got pregnant, had a
miscarriage and almost got pregnant again.
Abby became blind. Dad was having his salary
cut bad and mom was panicking like hell. But in
the end, things tied up well and we moved to
this new Johannesburg which is a big city—I
know you know but I didn't, I wasn't good at
Geography.
This story is about what happens after we
emerged from the ghettos and lounged in a
really cool home and went to a better school
but... We were still the crazy kids we always
were. So beware, you'll find a lot of crocodiles
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in swimming pools and candy shops on fire in
this story!
It's just our family comedy story of how
things go wrong and right in life and how to
laugh at the difference. !
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I put the prologue before the contents
table because I'm cool like that :-)
EPISODES & MORE
1. I ARM-WRESTLE WITH MY ENGLISH TEACHER
2. ABBY'S MILK SODA EXPLODES IN OUR BODIES
3. WHEN A GIRL HATES A BOY SHE LOVES
4. HOW OUR PRINCIPAL TURNED INTO A ZOMBIE
5. DON'T FALL IN LOVE ON FACEBOOK, EVER!
6. OUR TEACHER KISSES A BEAR AT THE MALL
7. THE DAY A BULLET GRAZED MY ASS
8. HOW I CRASHED OUR SPORTS-CAR IN THE
MAYOR'S POOL
9. CROCODILES, HOT CHOCOLATE AND CRAZY
OLD FRIENDS
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10. DON'T EAT PIZZA WHEN IT'S STOLEN FROM
THE BASKETBALL TEAM
11. ELEPHANTS DONT LIKE PEANUTS
12. WE WAGE WAR WITH THE GODDESS OF OUR
PAIN
13. THE GIRL WITH THE RED BEARD
14. I RUTHLESSLY STEAL THE PRINCIPAL'S DIARY TO
SAVE AN AVOCADO
15. HOW WE ACCIDENTALLY BURNED DOWN THE
CANDY SHOP
16. NEVER LET A MONKEY HAVE A GUN
17. WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER STEAL COTTON
CANDY
18. MY MOM'S A SUPERMODEL PART ONE
19. MY MOM'S A SUPERMODEL PART TWO
20. TUNNELS & ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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WARNING!
The feats in this book are coordinated by a family of
mindless, crazy and genius teenagers.
DONOT attempt to try them at school or at home for
safety's sake. Seriously.
Welcome to the family.
Alex, xoxo
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I ARM-WRESTLE WITH MY ENGLISH
TEACHER It's Monday afternoon and I'm going with
my family (excluding mom and dad) to Bull's
Park. It's our favorite place to hang out, eat
junk and get some nice cold drinks and meet a
couple of friends. We go there all the time. It's
called Park but it's not really a park at all. It's
just called that. The owner is really called Bull
though, but no worries, he's a nice guy.
We get there and lounge at our table. The
theme is all wood here and it smells fresh, just
like nature. A waiter comes wearing a big red
hat with horns and eyes that try to make him
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look like a bull but instead, he looks quite
awkward. He gives us a strange look.
"Never seen us before?" says my brother,
Leo.
"You guys new?" the waiter asks.
"What does it look like?" starts my blind
stingy sister, Abby, "Now quit staring and get
me a cream soda, I'm thirsty!"
"Easy, sis," says Lisa, she's been trying to
be nicer to people these days but she's still
quite bossy at times.
"It's not like we're modeling. He wants to
stare at strangers? They keep mannequins in
the mall, he should go have a look!"
Ah, one more thing: our hairstyles. That's a
very sacred thing in our family. Hair. I do
dreads, Lisa's got short straight hair that fits
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well over her, Abby's got considerably long hair
she ties behind, Leo keeps to a buzz cut and
my brother, Asher's got this style of his own.
His hair is wavy and combed to the center of
the back of his head, where it collects and
sticks out like an antennae. It looks like an alien
helmet.
Our waiter comes back with our drinks,
keeping his distance from Abby, and places
them on our table. Then he disappears quickly.
Ever since we moved here I've tried out
sixteen schools, each time standing in front of
kids and introducing myself. If you do that kind
of thing sixteen times you can go nuts! On one
occasion I screamed in front of the whole class.
That's when we all decided to settle at St.
Godwin's.
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"Hey," Lisa points out, "Anyone recognize
that guy?" She points at a man sipping coffee
at a lonely table.
"Well, he's not my father," says Abby. But I
immediately recognize him.
"That's Mr. Peter, my English teacher," I say.
And then I suddenly get mad. Leo notices my
mood's changed.
"What's up tiger, did the guy bite your
homework?" he says.
"Sort of," and then I tell them what
happened:
Mr. Peter gave us a creative writing
assignment to write about anything we wanted
as long as it was possible. A girl with specs in
our class immediately shoots up her hand.
"What about aliens?"
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"Layla, they're not proven to not exist so
it's possible. Go ahead. Use your imaginations
all of you."
Ha! Saying that must make him sound
great but only I was the one who found out
what a dumb-ass he is! I spend an hour on my
homework because I'm not so creative. My
handwriting looks like I'm writing with a salami
but at least I get the stupid story done.
Early this morning, he gives us time in his
lesson to finish up our last touches and I'm the
first person to put my book on his desk.
He gives a smile, a gold tooth glows in the
sunlight, and he skims my story like a
newspaper.
"Hm..." he hums to himself and then
pushes his glasses on right. His smile sinks and
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turns into a frown and I'm like, Oh no! What's
going on now?
"Alex," he says my name in a very serious
tone. "I thought I told you to write about
something possible."
Oh great! I knew I wasn't good at this stuff.
His eyes bulge like he's about to jump on me
and I'm staring back at him looking all sick and
helpless.
"But elephants—"
"Since when do elephants and bulls hold
up a bank and steal money?" he cuts me short.
"Prove it impossible," I reply and he gets
really mad, I can see him steaming. His eyes
are boiling at me! He stands up before the
class and calls for attention.
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"I have a question. Is it possible for zoo
animals to go and rob the bank?" he asks the
class. He didn't have to go that far! I'm still new
and he's humiliating me!
The entire class laughs. Derek shakes his
head, "Maybe they were remote controlled or
something. You know technology!"
I try to defend myself, saying that it was
according to a human's vantage point that they
robbed the bank and left with money, but in
reality, they escaped the city zoo, scared a
bunch of people in the bank, broke some
lockers and ran away, leaving the bank a wreck
and paper cash flying behind them. That was
possible!
"Impossible!" shouts Mr. Peter.
"Is to."
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"Is not!"
"Is to!"
"Is NOT!"
"Is TO!"
"IS NOT!"
"IS TO MR. PETER! WHY DON'T YOU
LISTEN?"
"GET OOOUT!"
Jesus, bless my name! Sheesh! I turn my ass
around and storm out. I got a D minus for that
plus detention for raising my voice to a teacher.
And you know the phrase, 'But he started it',
never works.
So after school me and my family headed
to Bull's Park and I'm staring back at this
teacher who's one hundred seventy six pounds
of freshly roasted insanity!
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"I'm going over to have a word with Mr.
Peter," I get out of my seat. Lisa holds me
back.
"You could get into more trouble," she
warns me, giving me a sweet sister to brother
look.
"We're not in school. And Bull has his own
rules, he doesn't get interfered by cops easily."
Leo smiles, "Show him who's boss!"
"Leo!" Lisa snaps. But it's too late. I'm
standing in front of the guy, waiting for him to
look up. He does.
"Oh, it's you," he greets.
I go straight to it. "What you did today in
class wasn't pretty."
"You deserved it, son. Elephants? Bank?
Who would've thought of that?"
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Lisa shows up beside me too. "I think
creative writing is supposed to be creative.
Indeed, who would've thought of that? He
deserves more than a D minus. And you owe
my brother an apology for how you treated him
today."
Lisa's got swag when it comes to this stuff.
The teacher looks up and coughs a laugh
like she was joking. "An apology? You guys
must be kidding me!"
"Do I freaking look like I'm kidding?" Lisa's
tone begins to rise. "Do we look like we're
kidding?"
He stares... Thinks... And then his eyes turn
to slits like he's feeling her now.
"I don't like—" I start but he cuts me short
again.
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"His assignment was junk. I could've made
toilet paper out of it to make it useful. And I'm
giving no apology! Kid has to learn it the hard
way sometimes!"
He then picks up his cup for a sip but Lisa
scoops it before his lips touch the edge. Okay, I
think we're about to go ghetto mode!
"I don't take bullshit from nobody! Not
from a friend, not from my parents, not from a
teacher and definitely not from you!" she
dumps his coffee in the trash. "Now I
demanded for an apology for my brother. I
want it now. Can I get it now?"
You can see Lisa's mad. Peter's steaming
too and he stands up. His lips tremble with
anger and he looks pretty ugly too.
"No apology!"
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Lisa sighs, the others are looking, Leo's
waiting for some action to explode. Asher's
waiting for the moment to intervene but he
hardly ever does until the last moment.
"You owe me a drink," says Peter.
Lisa mimics him but in a goofy girlish voice,
"You owe me a drink. Oh please. I told you not
to give me no bullshit."
He spits at her!
"What the!" I interject. I can't believe he
just did that! That was just too far. Lisa goes red
and she's about to do anything but I act first.
Without thinking, I throw a punch that meets
his cheek bone. He stumbles back over the
bench and I jump on him like a tiger and we
crash down! His legs crash under the table and
turn it over. Luckily, it doesn't break. I grab his
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coat collar and drag his dizzy head up and
knock it down on the floor again. Lisa and
Asher pull me away from him and he gets a
chance to get up.
"You stupid kid!" he yells. Lisa shoots a
look back.
"My brother is not stupid!"
It's chaos! He tries to get back at me but
then Asher turns around and he bumps into
him. Asher is super tall, Mr. Peter meets him at
his waist.
"I'm not your size so step back," says
Asher. Mr. Peter steps back. You can see he's
scared now.
"I'll get back at you, Alex!" he's pointing at
me and he seems serious for revenge. I don't
care. He spat at my sister!
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"Bring it on, dog!"
He gaps in astonishment of my words.
"You heard that!" adds Abby who loves to
pepper these ghetto moments.
Suddenly, a man wearing a bull-hat walks in
from behind the counter. He's not a waiter. It's
Mr. Bull himself, the owner. He frowns at the
scene.
"I heard fighting and threatening," once he
speaks the place goes quiet and everyone's
still. "Now in my park it's crazily okay to fight
once in a while, we're human. But any brawl
that breaks here, ends here! I want no threats."
"That dog started it!" shouts Abby, trying
to point to Mr. Peter but she's not sure of
where he's standing because she's blind, "He's
somewhere over there."
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"That boy started it," Peter points at me.
"You spat at my sister!" I say.
"Enough! I decide you two can finish this
with a one on one arm-wrestle," says Bull.
"What!" I'm in shock!
"That's so unfair," says Lisa, "There's no
way my brother is wrestling that mad man! He's
way older."
"Unless you want this case to go to police.
Arm-wrestle tonight at eight!" says Bull.
Mr. Peter smiles and chuckles. "If I win,
you're expelled boy!"
"Says who!" says Abby.
"Terms and conditions are not restricted,"
says Bulls.
"And if I win?" I ask.
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"State your condition," says Bull, like a
judge.
"You don't bother me or my family again."
"Agreed," the teacher sneers and laughs
away and leaves. A waiter comes by to set the
overturned table right.
Asher sighs. He doesn't do that until things
go very much out of hand.
And I know... I am so dead!
*
We get home and settle on the couch. It's
six thirty, I have an hour and a half to get ready
for that arm-wrestle and I know damn right that
I'm going to be expelled. There's no way I can
beat that teacher!
"Oh no you will," says Abby, like she knows
what I'm thinking.
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"How?"
She shrugs, "I don't know," she admits and
slips back.
Leo comes over with his phone, "You've
made history, Alex! Your attack on teacher is on
YouTube, Dailymotion, Vimeo and Facebook.
Some kids must have done this. You're hot!"
"Do I look hot right now? I've got an armwrestle with him and you say I'm hot?"
"A couple of girls from school are coming
over to see it too."
"To see me lose!"
"And some rich guys too. They're betting
fifty rand you beat teacher."
"Thanks for the info but you're not
helping," says Asher. At least someone has
some sense!
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"What we need is a plan. We can't let Alex
deal with this on his own," says Abby.
"I'm still thinking but it's hard," says Asher,
"You know Bull. He likes to settle things down
his way."
Lisa stands up, "It's all business. The
wrestle will attract people to come and they'll
order stuff too."
"So what do we do?" asks Abby.
"Hmm..." she's giving it a thought. Our
recently very disturbed sister is now taking
charge of things pretty well. "We do nothing."
"What!" the word jumps out of my mouth
the moment she says that. The rest seem
interested to know why.
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"Nothing," she repeats and turns to Abby,
"You're coming with me. I've got a little plan
that just might work."
"Where to?"
"I'm not sure now. Let's go," Lisa turns for
the door and Abby gets up and follows. She
can be very mysterious at times, doing things
on her own.
"And the arm-wrestle?" I ask before she
leaves.
"Do it. You won't break a bone so quit
worrying." And then she's gone.
I'm left with Asher and Leo who don't seem
to come up with anything more.
Leo smiles, "We'll escort you."
I roll my eyes, "Gee, thanks a lot." Thanks
for nothing!
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*
It's cold that night but I'm already drenched
in sweat as we approach Bull's Park. Just the
thought of holding Peter's hand freaks me out.
I've got Leo and Asher behind me as we come
in.
I can see Peter already seated at a table, his
eyes shooting daggers at me. You can tell he's
looked forward to this all day. A bunch of girls
sit behind him, cheering. Yuck! They're all
strippers, you can tell by their attitude. He
shows grit teeth and slides a hand under his
chin to mean he's going to kill me! Close to the
bench I'm supposed to sit on are a bunch of
friends from school, a few from my class but
most of them are girls in their senior year.
Leo gives me a little push. "You go man."
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Asher says nothing. He's as blank as his
sunglasses that he wears all the time. He sits at
an empty table close to the one my teacher's
at. I know it's just to make sure things don't get
messy. No one would dare mess with a giant
like my brother.
"I've waited, boy!" shouts Mr. Peter.
"I'm here, dog!" I reply and walk to the
bench. The people on my side are cheering.
The strippers on his side do the same. Bull
gives a wide smile as four waiters scramble
around taking orders and delivering drinks. This
is business! And again, I'm so dead!
*
"Where is this place?" asks Abby as Lisa
takes her to a house.
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"House of ex-principal Weto Mary," Lisa
knocks on the door.
"And why are we here?"
"Because she might know something about
Mr. Peter that we must not know."
"Are you talking about a secret?"
"Exactly!"
"But how did you? You're incredible!"
"Listen, call Leo and tell him to get a video
of the arm-wrestle."
"Okay," Abby grabs her phone and does
what Lisa asked her to do.
"We could use the video."
"What for?"
"You'll see. Mr. Peter will surrender to
everything. And we'll get that apology."
"How can you be so sure?"
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"Leave it all to me, Abby. This sister's got it
all under control."
An elderly woman answers her knocks.
"Um... Ms. Weto," says Lisa.
"Yes, that is me child, what brings you here
at this hour?"
"Well, you see. We've got a little problem
with a teacher. I study at St. Godwin's," she
says.
Immediately, Ms. Weto's face turns serious.
"I think you may know him," Lisa adds.
Her face is still a cringe.
Bingo!, Lisa thinks.
"Mr. Peter?" asks Ms. Weto.
"Yes," says Lisa.
"Come in. We can talk about this."
*
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I rest my elbow on the table and stare deep
into his eyes that are already boasting victory.
It's okay, Alex, you won't break a bone. But
now I'm looking at him, I've got second
thoughts about that. He looks like he's just
from a gym. Like he just injected steroids and
took some Redbull too.
"You're dead, boy!" he snarls and slams his
elbow on the table. Gulp. Our hands clasp
together. There's so much shouting but I can't
hear a thing now. I'm lost. I'm a goner!
*
"Do you have any documents?" asks Lisa.
"No, but I can print them out for you," says
Ms. Weto, "You're not thinking of pressing
charges, are you? I'm sure Peter is a changed
man. He didn't do it intentionally."
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"Of course not. I like to give people second
chances. I only want to spook him a bit. It
seems he's forgotten where he's come from.
It'll be a nice reminder."
Ms. Weto gets up and walks to her library.
She welcomes Lisa and Abby to come too.
Abby still can't believe how Lisa gets the
impossible done so easily. In the library, Ms.
Weto unfolds her laptop, turns it on and inserts
a flash drive. She clicks through a few
documents and then prints somethings out for
Lisa.
"Thank you so mush," she says, "You've
saved my brother."
"No, you have," says Ms. Weto.
"But it couldn't have been done without
you," says Abby.
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"You're welcome. Just don't show that
document to the public. It's very discrete. I'm
not supposed to be giving it to you but you
seem to be a very responsible girl. I trust you."
"Got it. We'll go now, thanks again!"
They leave and head for the sidewalk
outside.
"You're amazing!" says Abby. "What's in
that document, you know I can't read."
"I can't either it's night, remember? But it's
everything she told us. All I thought was true, is
true!"
"But how did you know?"
"Uncommon sense. I'll tell you when this is
over."
*
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"One, two, THREE!" counts Bulls and
before I know it, my hand is flat on the table!
Mr. Peter stands up and points at me,
yelling, "Expelled!" He's having a really good
laugh and his strippers are applauding. My
supporters all fall quiet. I step away from the
table and walk away, head hung low. Leo pats
my back.
"St. Godwin's not the only school. Johann's
big, Alex."
Asher doesn't say a thing, he just watches
Mr. Peter with pity. Like bro! I'm the one
getting kicked out of school here!
"You're not expelling our brother," says
Lisa. She's just arrived, standing in the
doorway. She's holding an envelope. I wonder
where she's been.
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"I won!"
"I can see that," says Lisa, with style, "But
like I said, you're not expelling Alex and he's
getting his apology tonight."
Mr. Peter laughs out loud, making fun of my
sister. I wouldn't mind attacking him again but
Asher gestures me not to do anything crazy. I
let Lisa do her thing.
"I have something here that you wouldn't
like people to know."
He stops laughing and takes a serious look
at her, "Like what?"
"Like Samantha," Lisa mentions and right
then, his face cringes.
"And asthma."
His eyes bulge out of their sockets.
"Run, run, run."
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They go red.
"Engoni high."
He looks like he's about to break!
"Please, no more," Mr. Peter pleads.
"Dead!"
"Aaaargh!" he screams. But he doesn't run
away. Lisa walks towards him.
"Should I tell everyone at St Godwin's
about you? This envelope has the documents
that—"
"Ah-ha!" he snatches the envelope away
and tears it into threads, laughing again. "No
proof!"
"Actually they're over here," says Abby,
waving the printed paper around.
Mr. Peter quickly drops back to his knees
and acts all sorry again.
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"Puh-lease, you're pathetic!" says Lisa.
"Please," he begs, "I'll lose my job!"
"My brother?" asks Lisa.
"I won't get him expelled, I swear to God!"
his eyes look like they're popping again.
"His apology." Lisa's got class when it
comes to this stuff.
"Yeah, his APOLOGY!" Abby blurts out too.
"Or else everyone in here's gonna know what
this document smells like!"
"I'm sorry!" he screams in fear. I don't even
need his apology. I'm happy enough to not be
expelled but how did Lisa do it? "Forgive me,
Alex. I'll never embarrass you again and I'll
never mess with your family!"
"Just go away, you're a sad thing," I reply.
"Get!" says Lisa.
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"And the document?" he asks, shivering
pathetically.
"No one else will know about it. I've
scanned a copy but I won't show anyone just as
long as you be a good dog, okay?"
He nods.
"That's a good dog," Abby teases. She can
be a bit mean at times but I didn't mind. Mr.
Peter then runs out of the Park as fast as he
can.
"Lisa," I start.
"Thank me later. Go to bed, you've got
school tomorrow and you've had a rough day
too."
"How d'you do it?" Leo asks.
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"Will tell you guys tomorrow on our way to
school. We all need some rest." She's right. It
was hectic. But man, she was awesome!
*
The next morning we walk happily on our
way to school while Lisa explains to us her
uncommon sense. She put it this way:
When Mr. Peter accepted the arm-wrestle
she at once knew he was nuts. What teacher
wrestles with their student? So she visited St
Godwin's Facebook wall. There's info on all the
teachers and all the schools they've taught. She
found out Mr. Peter used to teach at Engoni
High where he was involved in a horrible
scandal involving the death of a student. She
confirmed that while surfing for the scandal
online and found his name mentioned in the
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list. He was immediately fired, Ms. Weto had
no other choice.
What happened is that Mr. Peter was
punishing Samantha after class and he was
making her run on the field.
"I want to see you do six laps!" he ordered.
"I can't run. I have asthma," she said,
struggling to jog.
"I said run!"
"But I have asthma."
Mr. Peter didn't listen, he forced her on.
She tried but collapsed a minute later. She
never got up again.
Mr. Peter looked for another school to
teach after his case was filed and put away to
avoid further scandal. It was done discreetly.
Ms. Weto didn't want him to fail getting
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another job so she kept it a secret. Not even St.
Godwin's principal knows about it. The video
we took last night would only prove him to be
as crazy as he used to be.
"You're a genius," we tell Lisa.
"Nah, just uncommon sense. I'm just glad
you're still schooling here with us," says Lisa.
Asher's not with us though. He dropped out
after joining Scorpions so it's just us four.
"Thanks again, Lisa."
"I've gotta look out for you. What's a big
sister for?"
I smile to myself. What would I be without
Lisa? !
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2
ABBY'S MILK SODA EXPLODES IN OUR
BODIES
Abby rushes blindly through the crowd of
students in the corridor, her hands stretched
out as she feels her way through.
"Leo! Lisa! Let's go, we're gonna be late,"
she calls and hurries off.
"Are you even sure about this?" asks Lisa
but Abby's already out of earshot.
I'm at the corridor too, speaking to my new
close friend, Aisha. She's a really sweet person,
as long as she's not pissed. She threw a bucket
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to the principal in her former school, got
expelled and ended up here at St. Godwin.
"You must've been off the edge," I say.
"I know. But I didn't break any school rules,
the school broke my rules. And hey, what you
did to Mr. Peter..."
"I know it's not cool," I say.
"Not cool? I loved that punch. I watched it
on my laptop over and over."
Wow, a fan! Whatever, I tell her it was a
rough day. She nods empathetically before
Abby hurries towards us. She notices my voice
and stops by.
"Let's go, Alex," she tugs onto my shirt,
pulling me away.
"Sorry, Aisha. Got to go now," I say.
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"Don't worry. Some other time," she waves
and goes her way.
I walk out fhe school with Abby who hates
to be led. She hates walking sticks too. She
knows she's blind but she goes to the same
normal school we go to.
"Well I'm normal too!" she would say, and
she did have a point. She's tried so hard not to
let her blindness get in her way and she's done
quite a good job for herself. I'm just wondering
what she's up to now!
Lisa and Leo tag behind us. Abby's a little
too fast today and I don't know why she's
acting like this.
"Why d'you want to go home so early
today?" I ask.
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She turns to me, "We're not going home,
we're going to Bull's Park."
"What?"
"I'm working there," she says and I'm
totally knocked out!
"Working?"
"I'm making Milk-soda. I've got a stock of
fifty bottles in the fridge and I'm going to make
some more."
Lisa finally gets to us, "I've tried to talk her
out of it," she explains, "But she needs a
chance to prove herself to the world too."
"But milk-soda?"
"It's great! You should try some," says Leo.
"You had some?" I ask.
"Last night she made it for me," Leo
explains.
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"Sorry I haven't been so open about it. I
just hate discouragement," says Abby.
I sigh. "Okay."
"Cheer up, son. She's making some money
at it," says Leo. I shut up and let the
happenings happen.
We get to Bull's Park that's filling in with
kids from school and Abby rushes straight for
the counter. She feels her way to the door and
gets inside. I guess she's making it with Mr. Bull
in the kitchen. Me and the rest sit at a table. I'm
still worried about those milk-sodas.
"Are they approved?" I ask Lisa.
"Half the things at Bull's might not be
approved or even legal," says Leo. I turn to
Lisa, waiting for an answer.
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"You mean by the South African Bureau of
Standards?" she says.
"Yes," I say in a duh tone. She knows it
could be wrong.
"Come on. This is household product,
Alex," she opens her bag and pulls out a bottle
of Abby's carbonated milk and shows me
something written on the brand, "You see, it
says, 'Abby and Bull's carbonated Milk-soda,
drink at your own risk'."
"Lisa! Is this thing safe?"
"I don't know! I haven't tried yet."
"I didn't get sick," says Leo.
I stop talking because I don't want to seem
stingy or difficult. Maybe milk-soda isn't so
bad. I guess I'm making it a big deal because I
haven't tried it before.
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Abby comes to the counter and so does Mr.
Bull with a crate of milk-soda. He puts them in
the fridge but notices there's no need to.
People are gathered all around the counter,
money in their hands and drooling for Abby's
new drink. There's lots of commotion and I'm
like, wow! This milk-soda really pays!
Kids return to their tables, popping open
their bottles and quenching milk-soda down
their throats. It's a noisy but happy place. And
Bull is smiling... Business as usual for him. And
it's good today. He's standing aside, counting
paper in his hands and thinking of how rich
he'll end up if this milk rush goes on for a week
or so.
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"Look around you. It's a happy place," says
Leo and he orders a bottle too. Lisa's already
drinking hers and she goes...
"Mm hm... I am so loving this!"
Leo passes me a bottle, "Have some. From
the heart of a sister, given to the world."
Poor poetry, I think, but accept to try a sip.
Once the milk-soda touches my lips I'm craving
for more already.
"This stuff is good!" I say. Lisa agrees
absentmindedly, gulping some more of it. I
take down the whole bottle in seconds.
Awesome! I take back every stupid word I've
said.
Abby's got a huge smile of success on her
face. She's earned it! For a moment, I honestly
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feel very proud of my sister but then... it all
goes wrong.
A boy gets up and hurries for the restroom.
That's okay, it happens. But not ten people at
at time! And then it's not just ten but soon,
more and more guys stand up and seem to
head the same direction!
"What the hell!" exclaims Leo. Bull seems
worried too and he slips back into the kitchen.
He knows there's going to be trouble!
Suddenly, the Park is in chaos. People are
bustling and pushing around to get to the
toilets. A policeman pushes down a child.
"Out of my way!" he orders and waves his
weapon around, "I've got a gun folks!"
No one's afraid. They all got one word in
their minds: Toilet! Abby notices the place has
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turned into a mad house. People crowd at the
counter again, demanding refunds. It's more
like this:
"WE WANT REFUND! WE WANT REFUND!
WE WANT REFUND..."
Poor Abby! The best time of her life turns
into the worst! Lisa and Leo go up to help her.
Leo drags Bull out and makes sure he refunds
everyone. It's not long before I get the feeling
I've just swallowed a dozen cobra's and they're
spitting venom inside and I don't feel good at
all. The washrooms are full and chaotic and
crowded and I quickly calculate the distance
back home. I make a run for it! The cramps in
my stomach get worse and worse. Abby's milksoda is just like a time bomb, exploding inside
me. What on earth did she put in that bottle!
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Hallelujah! I finally get home and I let the
nasty dogs out in the washroom. Phew! I
thought I wouldn't make it.
When I'm done I grab my phone and call
Asher. Maybe he knew something about this.
"Trust me, I knew nothing," he assures me.
"At all?"
"At all. And what was she thinking? Milk's
got gas. Gas is gas. Put them together and you
get Hiroshima!"
She was thinking that her blindness would
never stop her at anything. Even exploding our
stomachs!
*
At the park Abby sits on a bench, her head
sunk in her arms. Tears are flowing down both
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her hands. Lisa and Leo try to cheer her up but
it's useless.
"All I wanted was to fit in," cries Abby.
"You do fit in," says Leo.
"Not after this. I'm just a freaky blind girl!
No wonder I couldn't see what I was doing!"
"You sure couldn't!" shouts Mr. Bull who's
just come to the table. The Park is now
deserted. No one remained after milk-soda
exploded around.
"Shut up!" shouts Lisa.
"What did you say?"
"Shut up! My sister's in no mood right
now," says Lisa.
"Oh, so this is about your sister?" he moves
closer, "And may I ask who's Park is this?"
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"It's not even a park, Bull," blurts Abby. Mr.
Bull goes red! He's on the edge of the cliff,
about to jump! Lisa knows it's the cue to leave.
She doesn't want to have to deal with him
either.
"Your milk-soda is a disaster! Look what it's
done to my Park!" He gestures around to the
empty tables and a horrible stench floating
from the washrooms.
"Let's go now," Leo whispers and they
slowly stand up and turn for the door. Abby's
still sobbing.
"I never want to see that girl in my Park
again!" he roars.
"What!" Lisa turns around.
"Yes, you heard me!"
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"But we're your daily customers, we come
just about every day. That's not fair!"
"What her milk-soda did to my business
wasn't fair. I'm ruined! No one's going to forget
what happened here!"
Leo nudges Lisa, "Let's go, there's no use
arguing when he's this mad."
Lisa agrees he's right and they leave. Bull
still shouts behind though. He really doesn't
want Abby to come back ever again. Ever!
*
I hang up and go downstairs where Abby's
just arrived with Lisa and Leo and man, she
doesn't look good at all. She sits down and I sit
close beside her.
"It couldn't have been that bad—"
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"IT WAS!" she cries out, her sunglasses
almost fly off her face.
"Bull was hard on her and stuff," Leo tells
me.
"He's hard on everyone," I say,
remembering how he got me into an armwrestle with my own teacher. But Abby
obviously doesn't cry all day. Besides, there's
no use crying over spilt milk.
At school the next day it's all normal. Abby
walks down the corridor quietly with us and
she's ten times more self-conscious than usual.
But no one's staring or shoving faces. It's not
because her brother's an awesome basketball
player but it's just no big deal. She does get a
couple of funny comments and some jokes but
there's nothing nasty.
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"See, Abby, everything's going to be just
fine," I tell her.
"Yeah right! I can't even go to Bull's Park
anymore," she opens her locker and fumbles
through her stuff. I wait for her. Lisa just went to
the washroom but I've got Leo beside me.
"Need help?" asks Leo, out of pure good
heart.
"NO!" she roars, "I can do this myself. I'm
normal!"
She slams her locker shut and manages to
lock it after three trials. Lisa's back just in time
for us to head out again. I had one boring day
here!
"So I guess we won't be stopping by at the
Park," says Leo. We do almost everyday but
after milk-soda and now Abby's banished, it
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wouldn't be fair for us to hang out there
without her.
"No," says Lisa.
"You don't have to do that because of me,"
says Abby.
"I don't care. I don't want to see that bull's
face now anyway," she replies.
"Hi, Alex!" Aisha calls out of nowhere. I
turn around and see her on the stairs, waving at
me.
"Hey!"
"Where to now?"
"Don't know."
"Cool, mind if I join you guys?"
"Not at all. It's just my family," I assure her
and she tags along too. She sees Abby and all
of a sudden her face turns a bit sad.
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"Gee, I'm sorry for what happened to you
yesterday," she tell Abby.
"Whatever," Abby replies coldly.
"It's not fair that you're not allowed in
anymore."
"Whatever!" now she sounds annoyed.
"Cheer up. There's a new joint that's just
opened recently and it's much closer to school
too."
"Really?" Lisa and Abby say at once.
"Where is it?" I ask.
She points ahead to a group of students,
"Where half of everyone else is heading," she
answers. "Let me show you."
Abby's face lights up. Maybe things won't
have to be so bad after all. Aisha leads us
there. We stop under a joint with a billboard
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that reads: RHINO'S RECIPES. Lisa and I
exchange looks.
"Looks like Bull's got some competition
now," she comments, smiling.
"It's all business." We get in. The place is
filling fast but thankfully, we get a nice table by
the window. It's great and it looks all
extravagant and modern. The chairs and tables
are a bit short but hell! We got a place where
we can lounge a while without having Abby
waiting outside behind the glass.
"Thanks, Aisha," I say and she does this
cute crooked smile but acts quite cool.
"For what? Showing you to Rhino's? It's
nothing."
A waiter comes to take our orders. It's just
drinks and fries on our table. Lisa's
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absentminded again and she looks like she's
scanning the place.
"Aisha," she calls, "D'you know the owner
well? Is he making good money?"
Aisha cocks her head for a thought and
then says, "Yup. He's making lots. I overhead
him telling his waiters that yesterday. It's the
first week for this place to run too."
"Then he must be really good," says Lisa.
Abby's not interested in knowing the rhino guy,
she's busy with her coke and so is Leo. They
have a nice laugh though and I'm sure it's
something behind my back.
Lisa asks a few more questions about the
rhino dude and I don't know for what reason.
"I need a while," says Lisa.
"For what?" I ask.
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"To see," she says.
"See what?"
"You'll see."
I pout. I guess it's her uncommon sense
doing some magic again but I don't see a
problem here so I ignore it and let myself be
taken away by coconut juice.
*
Over the week a couple of things have
changed quickly in the neighborhood. It's great
to have a new spot to hang out with family and
friends and close friends (Aisha) but Lisa can't
help but bother us with a few details.
It's Friday night after dinner. I'm doing the
dishes with Leo and Lisa invades the kitchen,
holding a paper in her hands.
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"Guys, you've got to see this!" she
practically makes us jump. Her eyes are all lit
up like neon lights! She moves over and
unfolds the paper in front of us. All I see is a
table. But it's a funny one. The rows are days of
the week and the two columns are Bull and
Rhino. Lisa's written stuff in the boxes but I
can't make them out so she reads for us
instead.
"Wednesday, Bull has no customers all
afternoon. Rhino's is crowded! Thursday, Bull
sells his car, Rhino buys a Volvo. Friday, Bull sits
on empty table, crying. Rhino's laughing
behind counter with waiter and he's begun
construction to expand Rhino's Recipes."
"So," says Leo.
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"So?" Lisa can't believe that reply, "Can't
you see Rhino's making more money than he
should in just a week. He's making too much!"
"Have you seen the number of customers
he gets in a day?" I ask, "I think it adds up."
"In a week? Puh-lease!"
"So what are you thinking?" I ask.
"You wanna know what I'm really thinking? I
think I miss Bull's Park. It was way better and I
don't want his business to slump forever. He's
right, the milk-soda was unfair towards him too.
He's lost his customers and I bet he's going to
have to close for good if it goes on like this."
"So you want us to help Bull?" I say.
"Exactly. I think we can make a deal. Abby
won't have to be banished anymore," says Lisa.
"What's on your mind," I ask.
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"A lot. But I'll need your help to get Bull's
Park running again."
Leo smirks, "I kinda miss that place too.
And the awkward rules."
"And what about Abby?" I ask.
"I'll talk to her," says Lisa.
"You know what you're doing, right?" I feel
the need for precaution.
"I do. I just hope I'm right."
I have no idea of what Lisa is thinking. Me
and Leo exchange looks and then return to the
dishwashing.
"You think Bull's okay?" I ask.
"Dude, Rhino's wiping him out. Bull is
wasted. If he doesn't come up with anything
smart, he's a goner!" says Leo.
"And Lisa?"
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"You know her. She's got the wildest of
ideas floating in her mind all the time. Let's just
hope she's right."
*
On Saturday noon, Mr. Bull is as usual, in his
Park. His waiters lazily snooze around the table
benches. He's got an eyepatch on too. I'm with
Lisa, Leo and Abby and once he sees us
knocking on the glass door he shakes his head
in disbelief. Is he that bad? I wonder. He can't
believe he's finally having some customers. His
waiters are too sleepy to notice so he runs
himself to the door and opens for us.
"Welcome!" he says with an extraordinary
smile that proves he hasn't had any business
smiles for quite a while. Leo and Lisa waltz in
behind him while I wait outside with Abby. I've
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got one arm around my sister while we witness
what happens inside. I suddenly get the feeling
I miss Bull's Park too. There's no place like this
and Rhino's Recipes can never replace it.
Mr. Bull has a towel in hand and he wipes
his fingers as he gazes at Lisa and Leo. It's like
he's trying to look impressive or something—
something he doesn't do.
"What's the eyepatch for?" asks Leo.
"Um... Had a talk with Rhino and things got
a bit... out of hand," he removes the eyepatch
to reveal a fat swollen eye. Poor dude! It looks
like it's peeling off from here!
"Okay," says Lisa, a bit revolted. She hates
eye injuries.
"So you come to get anything? A drink? A
cocktail? French fries? Hotdogs? Lasagna?
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Anything Italian or a Sudanese recipe?" he
asks.
Lisa orders a Fanta and has her seat on a
bench. Leo asks for the same. Mr. Bull wastes
no time waking up the waiters, he delivers the
sodas by himself.
"So how's business going on here?" asks
Lisa as her soda arrives.
"Uh... Good. Just fine. My Park is running
great," says Mr. Bull which is obviously not true
at all.
"Really?" says Leo.
Bull nods his head like he's trying to
convince himself as well. "Yeah really. It's never
been better."
"How many customers have you had this
week?" asks Lisa, sipping her cold Fanta.
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He looks at the ceiling, "A couple."
He's pathetic!
"Mind if my sister comes in?" asks Leo.
"NO!"
Lisa's got a smile. "You serious?"
"Heck I'm serious! She's the reason for all
this!" shouts Bull, pointing at Abby outside
standing next to me.
"For all what?" says Leo.
Mr. Bull is silent. He turns his back and says,
"That's nine rand." He's about to go back to
the counter but then Lisa's words pull him
back.
"Just admit it," says Lisa. "You're drowning!
You've had only two customers this week. One
for pancake, the other your mother who you
had to give free pizza to."
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"I'll be fine!"
"Don't think so. I mean, you sold your own
car and this place is still on it's way to
bankruptcy."
"If it wasn't for your sister my Park would
still be running fine."
"It's not a park!" shouts Abby from outside.
Mr. Bulls steams up, "SHUT UP!" His
temper flares at the sight of her.
"Easy," I whisper to Abby.
"It's not entirely her fault," Leo pulls out a
bottle from his bag and shows Bull a few
words, "It's written here, Abby and Bull's Milksoda. You can't put all the blame on her."
"She produced it. It was supposed to be
safe."
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"Mr. Bull, not everything here is legal. We
know that," says Lisa. Bull turns his face away.
"But we're not here to mock you. I think we can
help each other."
Mr. Bull looks like he's giving it a thought.
"How can you help? I admit I'm drowning."
"I think I can find a way to help you beat
Rhino," Lisa puts on her swagger now. She's
getting somewhere with this.
"I'd give anything to see that alien in the
gutter!"
"Um... I'm meant a legal method of solving
our problems," she clarifies.
"Like I said, I'd give anything."
"Anything?"
"Anything," he repeats.
"You'll let my sister in here again?"
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Bull's eyebrows come together. He's
pondering hard on this one.
"All right. If all is well and you can find a
way to get this Park in business again, Abby
can come again."
Lisa smiles, "Thanks for understanding it my
way. And... we want free food and drinks here
for two weeks."
"Two weeks!"
"Yeah."
"That's outrageous!"
"Well, it's better than having to shut this
place down, right?"
Bull sighs heavily and agrees.
"Okay, you got a deal but how will you do
this miracle?" he says, crossing his arms over
his chest.
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"I think I've got something on him. He's
gonna sink his own boat. My job is to make
sure it sinks," she tells.
He beams down at her, "How?"
"Leave it to me and my family."
I've got to admit, Lisa's really good at this
leave-it-to-me stuff. She places nine rand in his
hands, turns around and leaves with Leo. She
finds us outside, waiting.
"It's done," she says. "All that's left is to
make sure Rhino's ship sinks."
"How?" says Abby curiously.
"Leo," says Lisa, "You're a brilliant hacker. I
need you to get me all of St. Godwin's utility
bills for the past two months and all of Rhino's
utility bills as well. I need to know exactly how
much Rhino's personal account is. Alex, I need
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a map of power lines and all underground
pipes around the school's locality. Abby I need
you to chill. All right that's it. Now let's get to
work!"
*
I'm sweating on my laptop in my room. I've
tried Google Maps but all I get is the surface.
The power lines were easy to find. I drew them
from the screen to a paper. On the other hand
it's so difficult to get the underground map of
pipes. I think I've searched about a hundred
sites already. My sweat beads drop on the
keyboard I've been hitting for so long.
"You done kid?" says Leo. He's already
hacked all the info Lisa asked for and I can't
even find a map! I give in to a word called help.
Leo comes to my assistance.
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"Kid this is my thing. Leave it to me," he
says. I move over to give him some room. He
inserts his drive to install his very own hacking
program and then starts looking for the maps.
He clicks open a few links and bingo! I'm
staring at Johann turned up side down with all
it's pipes and tunnels appearing on my laptop
screen. Leo pats my back.
"And I didn't even have to hack a thing,"
he says, "But still, leave this kind of homework
to me."
"Are these all the pipes in Johannesburg?"
I say.
"Yup. All the ones in use that is."
"How up to date is it?"
Leo scrolls down and spots a date at the
bottom right corner. It was updated yesterday.
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We get it printed out and show our work to
Lisa. She's in her room doing homework when
we come.
"That was fast," she says.
"Leo helped," I hand her our homework.
She gives them a hard look the way Mrs. Gala
does when examining my classwork. There's a
smile on her face once she goes through the
bills Leo hacked for her.
She snaps her fingers, "Bingo!"
"Bingo what?" says Leo.
"I've got him. Rhino is out of business. All I
need now is a cop and two engineers with a
warrant to investigate Rhino. Or I could just
inform the principal. Yeah, that would be better
and much easier."
"What did you find?" I ask.
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"Evidence."
"What evidence?" she's really playing with
my curiosity.
"I'll tell you on our way to school. We've
got to speak with the principal."
"But what did Rhino do wrong?" says Leo.
"Come on, I'll tell you on the way."
Abby walks in. She's heard our
conversation. "Then why don't we confront
Rhino straight away. If you involve the principal
she's gonna know Leo hacked in their records
and she's not gonna like that."
"She's right," I say, "It's best we go
ourselves."
Leo nods in agreement.
"But with a cop," I say.
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Lisa picks up her phone from the desk and
dials. "No, cops aren't what we need. We need
a detective."
"But it seems you've solved the case
already," says Leo.
"But I don't work for the police and I don't
have a warrant for investigation."
Lisa, she deserved one. After she informs
the police about some gas pipe scheme she
turns to us and says we've got to go to
Rhino's... For a bit of fun.
*
Rhino's Recipes is full today. But these folks
belong to Bull's Park. They're the same poor
faces who gulped down milk-soda a week ago.
Lisa leads the way to the counter where
workers buzz around wearing hats with one
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horn sticking out. Rhino's a total plagiarizer!
That's Bull's style.
"Yes how may I help you?" asks a man
behind the counter. Leo reads the name-tag
silently: Bark Bark. What a name! It definitely
isn't his real name.
"May I see the manager?"
The worker raises both brows. "You want to
see Rhino?"
"I think he has a name," says Lisa.
"He prefers to conceal his identity," he
explains.
"Like you prefer to be called Bark Bark?"
"For security and relations purposes. If you
have a query concerning our chosen identities
please see Eggplant, our relations officer and
—"
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"Cut the crap and call me your manager!"
says Lisa. She's firing up.
"Right away ma'am. 'The Rhino' is his name
—"
"Just call him already!"
"Yes ma'am," and he disappears through
the door. Sheesh! Talk about customer care!
Bull was much more social.
"These guys are up to something for real,"
says Leo, "These false identities aren't for
nothing."
Rhino finally comes out of his office and to
the counter, wearing a four thousand rand suit.
"How may I help you, children?"
Lisa cringes at the word children.
"Thanks but for the record, we are not
children."
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"I apologize. So what brings—"
"We know your scam!" Abby blurts out.
Oh, why did she have pop our balloon so
early? I guess we just have to flow with it now.
Rhino takes a deep breath and then gets
his posture and poker-face together. "I know
nothing of a scam in here and I can assure you
—"
"Shut up," says Lisa. "I've got the evidence
to prove what you've done."
"And what is that?"
"It's about your gas. Looks like you haven't
had a bill ever since you've started!"
Rhino's mouth gaps open. You can tell he's
hiding his fear under that poker-face. But then
he turns sinister, the look in his eyes flashes the
stare of a criminal. His hand wraps around a
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knife on the counter. Lisa doesn't move. Leo
comes closer.
"Now listen to me all of you," he says, "Our
financial issues are none of your business. Turn
around and find a table."
Bark Bark comes back and stands beside
Rhino. "Bark, show our guests a table and get
them some drinks."
"No way," I say, "We're not going to let you
get away with this!"
"I think you kids should follow me," says
Bark. He looks scared too. He goes round the
counter to us and suddenly, I notice Lisa's as
stiff as metal. Bark is really close to her and
speaks quietly to her. I get a glance of her face
and she's wearing a really worried look. What's
wrong here?
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"Guys, let's get a table," Lisa says, but her
voice is shriveling. Like she's scared. No! She is
scared! She turns around, Bark is behind her
and I don't trust the dog anymore.
"Alex," she says. "Go ghetto!"
I know what that means and before Bark
can decipher the code, I fly and crash down to
the floor with him. Lisa spins around and I hear
metal clink to the floor. Beside Bark's hand is a
pistol with a silencer and I'm like what the hell!
Bark is struggling but Leo knocks him out in a
kick. I look up and Rhino's gone. And so is Lisa.
The door behind the counter is swinging on it's
hinges and we immediately know where
they've gone.
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"What's going on?" screams Abby. The
whole place turns into chaos! It's funny what
one lazy gun on the floor can do.
"Stay with Abby," Leo tells me. He leaps
over the counter and runs after Lisa and Rhino.
Apart from the lunatics in here who are
screaming, I also hear...
Desks being turned over.
Knives dropping to the floor.
"Uphh... Aaargh...Uphh... Aaargh..."
someone's getting their ass whopped and he
deserves it!
"Careful that's my thousand rand picture
frame... NO!... Wait, wait, it hurts that way! Ow,
ow, ow! Not the golden tooth... Aaargh! That
belonged to my uncle."
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A police car pulls over outside just in time
as Leo and Lisa drag Rhino back and tie him to
a table with rope. He looks miserable! Looks
like he'll be the next one wearing an eyepatch.
Make that two because both his eyes look like
tennis balls right now.
An officer and engineers and a detective
finally arrive and stare at the scene.
"I made the call," says Lisa, "My name's
Lisa and these are my siblings."
They take a look around at the mess.
"You reported the gas scheme?" asks the
detective.
"Yes," she nods.
The officer gazes down at a pathetic
looking manager and shows him a badge and
ID, "Mr. Rhino, we have a warrant to
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investigate." The officer gestures to the
detective and engineers who at once head for
the basement. The place is deserted. It's just
us. Not even the workers stuck around. They all
took flight when the getting was good except
for Bark who hasn't a clue of what's happening.
He might get jail time for attempted murder.
There's lots of drilling happening
downstairs and the police is getting bored so
he asks how we found out about Rhino's dirty
business.
"It was my sister, Lisa who found out," I say.
"But Leo understands what's been going
on," says Lisa and pulls out some papers from
her bag and hands them to the police.
The officer examines our detective work
and smiles, "Well, young man, explain then."
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Leo clears his throat. Abby and I are having
a laugh because we know he sucks at public
speaking and ever since he was little he's been
chicken of cops.
"Well," he begins, "It's like this. We all got
suspicious of Rhino because he's been making
lots of money fast. And it's just not normal for
that to happen in just a week. So we decided
to see if there was anything fishy going on.
"Rhino works close to the school and it's
easy know that it's because he wants the kids at
school to come here. Why not? It's near. But
Lisa thought there was more than that for Rhino
to open up at this very spot. During the week
she overheard our school accountant
complaining about an enormous rise in the
school's bills and so we suspected a link."
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Leo seems cool and all sure of himself.
Lisa's smiles.
"So we did some homework. We put
together different maps of power lines and
underground pipes in the locality and we got
our school's utility bills and Rhino's bills as well,
and we compared them. The startling thing was
that our school's gas bill has risen twice as
much while Rhino doesn't have a gas bill at all!
And right then we know why he opened up
here. He's illegally using gas from the school's
gas pipes. He must've got an engineer to do
the dirty business for him. All he had to do was
stick a pipe in the school gas pipe to deliver
free gas to his kitchen! He didn't pay for the
gas, expenses went down, profits shot up."
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The officer nods and I see he's extremely
impressed.
The detective comes back up and his
expression is promising. He smiles at Lisa.
"How did you do it?" he asks.
"The boy just told me," said the police,
"And I'm just bewildered."
"It's called uncommon sense," I say.
The detective confirms that the evidence is
true and Rhino's Recipes is as good as closed!
"And you are under arrest," the police
unties Rhino and fixes handcuffs around his
wrists. Bark is taken away as a suspected
accomplice. The gun is put into a zip lock bag
for further evidence. But the rest doesn't
matter because it gets complicated now the
cops and forensic get into the picture. The
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good thing is, actually there're two good
things. Rhino is out of business and... All right
you know already.
Bull's Park is running back in business! The
next Monday we're sitting at our favorite table
and we're with Abby. Mr. Bull doesn't hate her
anymore (as usual, it's just business to him) and
neither does she. Asher's here too and we're
teasing her about the milk-soda thing. Bull's
letting us have whatever we want for free for a
whole fortnight just as we agreed. And we're
using that privilege to the fullest.
"Abby," I say, "The next time you want to
make your own brand of liquid time bombs, try
it on..." I'm about to suggest guinea pigs but
that ain't sounding like a cool joke so I drop it,
"Well, just be careful."
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She chuckles, it's nice to see her happy
again. But hey, I've got one more bottle of
milk-soda under the table and even though I
know it's dangerous, it's still worth the sip.
There's nothing as good and as bad as Abby's
sweet explosive Milk-soda! !
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3
WHEN A GIRL HATES A BOY SHE LOVES
Guess what? I made a list of the six most
boring things in my life during a very boring
period at school:
•Cats
•Playing chess with a software or highly
intelligent nerd
•Rain at 5pm
•Detention
• Waiting for a woman to finish dressing
•Listening to Mr. Peter
Mr. Peter's English lesson is the most
boring period of the day. I prefer Maths. That's
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why Aisha and I are texting each other instead.
Actually, half the class are chatting on their
phones.
Aisha: So u got any plans 2nyt?
I reply: Nope
Aisha: My mom won't b home 2nyt so wd u
lyk 2 cme over n watch a movie?
I look up at Mr. Peter who's completely
oblivious to the phone I'm holding under my
desk. I'm sitting in the third row next to Aisha.
Teacher turns back to scribble something on
the board and I reply quickly to Aisha:
Cool. You'll tel me wat tym l8r I nid 2 copy
this
Aisha: U rily noting dwn ds stuff? Watevr, wl
talk l8r.
I reply: Nice bracelet!
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She blushes and whispers thank you to me.
The bell rings for recess and before teacher can
spin around, half the class is already out! He
collects his things from the desk and puts them
in the drawer. Just as I am about to leave with
Aisha he calls.
"Alex and Aisha. Just a minute," he says.
We stop dead at the doorway and turn around.
"Sir, we'll be late for lunch and I have to go
see someone right now," says Aisha.
"I won't take time," he replies. I'm getting
the feeling he's seen us text each other in his
class. What next? Confiscation?
He turns first to Aisha, "Did you carefully
examine my comment on your last
assignment?"
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!
"Um... Yes I did." She nods, pulling on her
backpack's belt.
"It's not okay to write that kind of stuff.
Never do that again, it creates a horrible
impression."
Aisha nods quickly, looking a bit
embarrassed, "I won't."
Okay, if this is about Aisha then why am I
hear? He tells her to leave and it's just me and
him. The rest of the class is empty. He gives me
a long stare and I'm wondering if he wants
another arm-wrestle with me.
"She wrote a story that involved you. Ask
her about it, talk to her about it and come back
and tell me it's all okay when it's okay. Clear?"
I nod, "Crystal."
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!
"Good, now go eat that junk you pigeons
are all running for."
I leave his class. Phew! I don't care what
that was all about I'm just happy to get going. I
meet my family at the school's glass doors and
Asher's there too. For lunch we head to Bull's
Park, drink a lot and come back in time for the
last periods.
I meet Aisha in the hallway and as she
hurries by on her way to the Ladies she
whispers eight o'clock in my ear. I just hope it's
not a horror movie she's planning. Last time I
checked, she had a stack of bloody, gore,
horrifying, scary and unbearable to watch
horror films at her place.
*
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!
Ding Dong! I ring the doorbell that night,
waiting for Aisha to come round. When I told
my family about this movie thing Lisa went wild
and made me wear my best jacket, Asher kept
patting my back saying he was so proud (he's
simply making fun of me), Leo gave no
comment and Abby's convinced it's a one night
stand! Asher even drove me here in his van.
They can make such a big deal of anything that
goes on in my life.
I'm still waiting out when I hear some
arguing coming from inside. I notice Aisha's
voice rising with her mother's. What's wrong
now?
"... But mom you can't do this!"
"... I just did and you better behave
yourself when he comes!"
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!
The door suddenly flings open and her
mom stomps out and stops to examine me.
"What's your name?" she says.
Aisha immediately pops behind her mother
and she's waving at me. Her head nods no. I
think she doesn't want her mom to know who I
am so I say my name's Bob.
"Bob? You know Alex? That sick friend of
my daughter?"
"Um... I guess," I stammer.
"What is he like? Poison? Handsome?
Trouble?"
I shrug, "He's kinda... smiley..."
"Smiley?"
"He smiles a lot," I clarify.
She ignores me and stomps away.
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!
"Phew!" Aisha opens the door wider, "Sorry
about that. Come in."
I get in and we sit together at the couch. A
large flat screen home theatre stares back at us
from the wall. There's popcorn on the coffee
table and a DVD in her hands.
"I wanted to watch a documentary about
the most famous ancient methods of execution
used by—"
"Seriously?" I snap.
"Kidding. Can't you take a joke? I prepared
Jack and Jill. But one problem."
"What?"
"Mr. Peter showed my mom my horrible
story and she doesn't trust me at all. She thinks
I need help. She's called for a babysitter!"
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!
At her age? A babysitter! I feel like
screaming!
Did she write a horror story? Her eyes stare
sadly at mine. "I'm sorry. I didn't get the
chance to call you and tell you to cancel our
movie."
"It's okay," I say.
"I'm pathetic, right?"
"No you're not. It's just not your day. Who's
the babysitter?"
"You don't want to know."
"Just tell me."
"Mr. Peter."
"WHAT THE F!"
She nods empathetically. "I had the same
reaction when my mom told me."
"We need help!"
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!
I grab my phone and call Lisa who never
fails to solve the impossible.
"What up little brother? Having fun?" says
Lisa in a charming voice.
"Mr. Peter's coming to babysit us!"
"WHAT THE F!"
"I had the same reaction when Aisha told
me. We need your help!"
"Does this mean no movie for you guys?"
"Guess so."
"Thought so too. I wouldn't like a teacher
around when I'm having a romantic time,
smooching my lovely—"
"Lisa!"
She loves to do that!
"Okay, I'll be right there in ten minutes."
I hang up.
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!
"So what's she gonna do?" says Aisha.
"Don't know but she can come up with
anything!"
Ding Dong!
That must be our lousy babysitter. Aisha
drags herself to the door and in a moment, Mr.
Peter walks in.
"I'm your—"
"We know!" blurts Aisha. "Have a seat."
There's no talking. He grabs a newspaper
and goes through it, gets bored and turns on
the TV but every channel is noisy and blurry.
"What's wrong? Come fix this Aisha," he
says.
"That's how it is."
"Come fix it. I'm missing my favorite
series."
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!
We're missing a movie! Aisha whispers in
my ear that she had unplugged the cable. She
drags herself off the couch and fumbles at the
back of the TV, pretending she doesn't know
what's wrong. Peter glares at me awkwardly
and sends me to get him some water to drink.
I go to the kitchen and suddenly I hear
someone whispering my name. It's Lisa and
she's sticking her head through the window,
holding out a tablet. God! Am I glad to see
her!
"Here's the plan, sport. Put this in his drink
and he'll be put to asleep faster than he can
grow an erection. And we're waiting for you
guys outside."
"Cool. Thanks Lisa!"
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!
"Don't mention it, Ally." (Sometimes she
calls me Ally.)
She disappears from the window and I drop
the tablet in a glass of water and stir.
"Hurry up with that!" calls Peter. I give him
his water, he takes a first sip and immediately
falls back to the couch. The glass drops to the
floor and rolls away, letting water spill all over
the carpet.
"What just happened?" asks Aisha, staring
at Mr. Peter snoring away and holding onto a
cushion. I tell her it's Lisa. We head outside
where our van is waiting.
Leo waves for us to get in.
Aisha smiles at me, "You're family's so
cool."
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!
I think I've heard her say that before. We
get in the van. Abby and Asher are there too.
"Where to?" I ask.
"The night club," says Leo.
"The private night club," says Abby.
Oh boy! This could get good!
*
The loudest music is blaring in my ears and
I feel insanely crazy right now! We zip through
the crowd. Each of us finds some space to
dance and let loose a little-or a lot. The disco
goes deep into me. The dangerous streets are
my home and dancing is my heart beat. I pull
Aisha behind me. She's so happy we're free!
(Courtesy of Lisa).
The place is as crowded as hell and the
song PARTY ALL NIGHT explodes from the
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!
speakers. I'm dancing with Aisha and she turns
out to be a pretty good dancer. We're under a
huge disco ball that's flashing colors all around.
Her clothes glow with flashes of green, red and
yellow as she puts her arms around my
shoulders.
"This is so great!" she screams. She has to.
We can't hear each other without screaming.
I shout back, "When was the last time you
were at a party?"
"At my aunt's place in Marshalltown when
my dad was sentenced to prison."
What!
She clarifies, "He um... whatever, it's a long
story."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay, I'm used to that life."
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!
Gee, that sounded pretty bad to me. I
guess life knocks the life out of everybody once
in a while.
I tell her she's a great dancer and she
smiles back, moving her body closer. I've got
my hand around her too and we try to do
Tango but she's not so good at it. She almost
trips. She falls into my arms, laughing out loud
and saying she's horrible at it. I was too at first
but I got the steps of it. I try to teach her but
she's more interested in having fun than
learning new moves.
Her arms grab me, she's acting a bit tipsy
but I guess it's because she hasn't had this
much fun in a long time. She draws closer until
I feel her breathing and I can smell her breath
too. She stops dancing and gives me a look in
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!
the eyes. They look desperate and shut gently
as her face draws closer and I realize she wants
to kiss me! I lean forward and feel my blood
pulsating in my hands. She grabs me tight and
then—
"MOM!" Aisha screams. Mom? I turn
around and see her mother dancing with some
dude. Aisha let's go of me to confront her
mother who's just as shocked.
"What are you doing here?" says Aisha.
Her mom says the same, "And what are you
doing here?"
"You told me you had a meeting!"
"I didn't lie," she says, "I came to meet this
man."
"Mom, don't play dumb with me!" Aisha's
really mad already. Her sweet eyes turn to red
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hot coal. "You said you'd come home really
late for this! For a one night stand!"
"Aisha, it's not what you think! Besides, he's
a good guy."
They burst into argument. The people
around us stop dancing to see what the
commotion is all about. My sisters and brothers
come over too.
"And you thought the worst of me!" cries
Aisha. There's a tear going down her right eye.
"You're quite the same!"
"It's not like that. When your father left I
was alone and single. And I have my needs too
as a woman."
"And as a mother? And about me? Don't I
have my needs?"
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!
I really don't know what to do. I'm out of
this. I might just make things worse.
"You're still young to understand what I'm
going through," says her mom.
"You're stupid not to see what I go
through!"
Her mom's mouth gaps open in utter shock.
She fights back! "You're so stupid your ex
cheated on you with a six year old!"
"You're so stupid your husband's in prison
and you still don't know where your g-spot is!"
"You're so stupid you eavesdrop through a
soundproof door!"
"You're so stupid you stare at the moon
every night with sunglasses!"
"You're so dumb you don't recognize it's
your mother you're yelling at!"
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!
"And you're so dumb to not see how mad
you make me!" Aisha's face explodes into tears
and she runs off through the crowd. I follow
behind her. Man! What a night this has turned
out to be. It's really not her day!
I follow her out to the exit.
"Aisha!" I call, but she ignores and runs
further into the parking lot. I grab her wrist and
pull. She quickly turns and says some words I
never thought she would say to me.
"I hate you!"
"W-what did I do?" I stammer.
She wipes a tear, "Just let me go. It's been
a horrible day!"
"But—"
"I HATE YOU!" she yells and pushes me
back until I bang a Mercedes. I have no idea of
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!
what I've done. "And quit following me. I'll
take a bus home. Say goodnight to the others
for me."
If I really love this complicated female I
guess I have to let her go. I do just that. Stand
aside as she boards the first bus that comes by.
Her mom flies out the club and into the
parking lot followed by her boyfriend. "My
GIRL!"
My family come out too. They're all wearing
sad faces.
"Come on, Alex," Asher calls, "Let's go."
And it's one weird drive back home. What a
day!
*
I yawn like a baby elephant as I pull the
sheets off. It's Saturday morning and time to
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!
leave my personal sanctuary (bedroom), take a
shower and help get breakfast ready. But I
don't feel like doing anything at all.
I go downstairs and find out Leo and Asher
already took care of that. I sit and stare at an
orange and Lisa can't help but notice my
distress. She knows what's wrong. Everyone
does. Aisha's been ignoring me the entire
week. She avoids me in class and in hallways
and doesn't answer to my messages. It's like
she's gone bonkers or something!
"Cheer up, I'm sure she'll turn around some
day," Lisa smiles, giving me her charming look.
"I think she's out of her mind," says Abby.
"Well thanks," I reply to her.
"I was saying that about her, not you.
Unless you dig her too."
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!
"Abby, you're being mean again," says
Lisa.
"I was just saying the truth. It's not my fault
it hurts," Abby crosses her arms. "Sorry, I hate
to see Alex worry over such a pigeon!"
"Abby!" says Lisa, a bit bossy again.
"I mean she'll fly back!"
Leo's having a good laugh and Asher is the
only one who's actually seeing what I feel.
At school I make sure I sit next to Aisha
before anyone else does. Why does she have a
grudge on me? She seems on better terms with
her mom. Why me? Or was it the kiss that
never happened? I tear some paper from my
notebook and write her a message that I
crumble and toss on her desk: WHY ARE YOU
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!
TREATING ME LIKE THIS? She doesn't even
mind reading. She tosses it straight to the bin!
She sends me a message on paper too: I
HATE YOU!!! And then she excuses herself to
the Ladies and doesn't come back until the bell
rings. When she does, she quickly gathers her
stuff, borrows Salha's book to copy the notes
she's missed and leaves as fast as a ghost!
I walk in the hallway, head hung low and
sad and stuff. And then someone stops me with
her hand. It's Lisa. I smile.
"Bro, you don't look too good. Is that
pigeon still bothering you?"
I smirk, "The birdie flew away again. What's
she trying to tell me by this?"
Lisa shuts her locker and turns to me. She
knows that I know that she's my biggest help.
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!
"Sorry bro. This one is out of my lead. I can
solve mysteries and stuff but a complicated...
sorry! But with the way Aisha's behaving, I
don't know what I can tell ya. You tried to ask
her friends?"
"They won't speak to me either."
"Your friends?"
"Not yet."
"Ask them about it. They might know
something. Maybe it's something from her
troubled past. She's been traumatized before."
"Thanks!"
"Any time, Alex. And you forgot your watch
in the washroom."
I check my wrist and it's really not on me.
"You go to the Men's?"
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!
She shrugs and grins, "Using the opposite
sex's toilet is fun. But don't you dare do it
unless you're a girl!"
Lisa! She's still crazy! She hands me my
watch and we part ways.
I decide to follow my friends to the school
canteen.
"Over here!" the Bear yells to me. It's his
nickname. He's the biggest guy in school. He
waves to me and I come over. He's sitting with
his scottish redhead girlfriend, Pizza and there's
his little best friend Cheese (all nicknames).
Cheese is quite a small guy though but that's
how it is in most cases. A big guy's best friend
turns out to be small or very slim.
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!
Anyway, I sit down and dine with my
friends. They call me Al. I don't even touch my
food before I ask them about Aisha.
The Bear chuckles, holding a fat tasty piece
of chicken, "Dude, six o'clock. And she's
staring at you!"
What! I turn behind my back and she's
three tables away, glaring back at me! She
looks so mad I can't even recognize if it's really
her. I turn back to Pizza and the Bear.
"What did you do?" says Pizza.
"I don't know," I reply.
"You don't know?" laughs the Bear, "She
wrote a story about you and it was really ugly!"
So this is what this is all about! That story
Mr. Peter told me about.
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!
"But what did I do?" I wonder what she
could have written about me.
"No ones knows that story except for Aisha
herself, her mom and Mr. Peter."
Cheese turns behind for a glance and then
says, "Al, you better solve this quick. She's
glaring at you like you're her lunch!"
"Thanks!"
I waste no time. I leave the canteen and run
to the English class where Mr. Peter is. It's quiet
and he's marking homework. I knock on the
door.
"Come in," he says.
I desperately appear in front of him. We
haven't had a nice relationship. We got off on
the wrong foot but I know I need his help here.
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"I came to ask about the story Aisha
wrote," I bite my lip. He sits back and glances
at me.
"What story?"
"You once called me after class and told me
about it."
"Oh, that one."
"Yes."
"Just one problem."
"What?"
He shakes his head sadly. What's going on?
"Ever since you poisoned me with your water
and gave me a very beautiful sleep, I've
experienced a bit of memory loss."
"What! So you can't remember what she
wrote?"
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"I don't know. The doctors said I'll be okay
in three weeks."
"Three weeks!" I don't have that much
time!
"I don't know. I could try."
My breathing rate's gone up and I'm
panicking. This is serious. But he said he could
try so I should too.
"The story was horrible."
He nods his head like he's denying it.
"Don't remember that."
"You told her never to write it again."
"I tell that to many students."
"I was in the story and I must've done
something!"
His eyebrows meet and he's finally thinking.
"Yes, yes, yes! You were in that story! Go on!"
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He sits straight and waits for more.
"Umm..." I think, "She doesn't like me
anymore. Maybe I did something bad."
He ponders and shakes his head in
disapproval again. "Try harder."
"Umm..." what next? What more do I know
about Aisha. Yes! She loves horror movies!
"There was lots of blood in the story!"
Mr. Peter immediately stands up and slams
a hand on the pile of books. "Exactly! I
remember a whole lot of blood. I think I
remember now. At least one concrete theme in
her story."
"I hurt her?"
He moves and stands beside me, a hand
brushing his chin as he ponders. He nods yes.
"What did I do?"
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His eyes tell me it's so bad he doesn't even
want to say it.
"What did I do?" I repeat.
He sighs and finally says it, "You raped
her!"
*
At home my family almost faints when I tell
them what Mr. Peter told me. I almost fainted
too. I didn't believe at first but I guess it's the
truth and like Abby said, it wasn't his fault that
it punched me so bad. It hurts. I just left the
English class, pretending I didn't hear a thing.
Leo beams at me, "Did you really bang
her?"
"NO!" I snap. "Of course not!"
"Like I said, she's out of her—" Abby
doesn't finish it. Even though she can't see, she
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knows Lisa and Asher have their eyes on her.
So she makes up something else to say. "I
mean she's had a troubled past."
"I still don't know how to fix this puzzle!" I
sit in a chair. Boy, is this mind torture!
"Give me the pieces again," says Lisa,
sitting beside me.
I lay it out to her again: she wrote a horror
story about me molesting her and violating her
virginity, she asked me to watch a movie with
her but her mom didn't trust her, we went to a
night club and she met her mom resulting into
a huge argument, she hates me and doesn't
want to talk to me again.
Asher smirks, "You're missing a piece."
"What?"
"She has a crush on you!"
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"Really?" says Abby, "Guess that explains
why she's... whatever."
He's right! She tried to kiss me.
"Now I get it!" says Lisa. "Aisha has a mad
crush on you but she can't admit it. She wrote
about you raping her because she wants you to
do that."
"Okay," I stare at Lisa speechlessly, "...
creepy!"
"But the story was so bad Mr. Peter had to
talk to her mom about it and that's why she
asked him to babysit Aisha. She couldn't trust
her daughter any more.
"But we escaped with Aisha to a nightclub
and accidentally bump into Aisha's mom.
Aisha's day is ruined and she hates you and
blames you for it."
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"But what did I do?"
"You're the reason for all of this. Can't you
see? If she wasn't crushing on you she wouldn't
have to write that story and none of that would
have happened. She doesn't hate you. She
hates that she loves you!"
Now that makes sense. Hurray to Lisa's
uncommon sense! She should really be a
detective or a lawyer.
But still, "What do I do now?"
"Try to talk to her about it," says Lisa.
"Use my phone," Asher hands me his
phone. I punch in her number and dial. She
picks up.
"Hello, who is this?"
"It's Alex."
"Oh, you. What do you want?"
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"I know about that story and—"
She hangs up before I can even finish! I
sigh. What next?
"I have something nice to say," says Abby,
as if she never does. She tells me. I like what
she tells me. It really is nice! I just hope it'll
work. I just hope...
*
Ding Dong! I ring the doorbell at Aisha's
place. Her mom opens up. She looks a lot
more at peace.
"Hello," she greets and smirks, "You're not
really called Bob, are you?"
I smirk back, "No. I'm Alex."
She smiles, "Then that explains everything.
I guess you want to see Aisha."
I nod, "Yes please. Are you two okay?"
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"Ah, we're better. We do English homework
together."
Maybe she making sure she doesn't write
any more horror love stories about me and her.
"Let me call her," she goes back inside.
"I appreciate it!" I say and wait outside.
The door opens again and Aisha walks out
to me. She's gorgeous but she's not smiling.
"You're pretty irritating," I say, simply the
truth.
"I know, so are you."
"Me? What did I do? You're the one who's
madly in love with me."
She crosses her arms, "So? Does it bother
you if I am?"
I really don't understand her now.
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"What do you want? Why do you hate me
so much?"
"I don't hate you... directly. But it took you
so damn long to know I was crushing on you."
"I don't get it. How was I supposed to
know?"
"From the very beginning! You never asked
me about my story! I wrote how bad I loved
being raped by you! Ew, that sounds like metal,
but still, you took too long!"
"So you want me to violate you?"
"Like duh! Even a doofus could figure that
—"
I kiss her! I have no second thoughts about
it. She tastes just like Cadbury. I try to tell her
but with our lips pressed to each other all I can
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muster is a moan. And I think she gets it
because she moans back. Louder.
"Like Cadbury." I breathe out when our lips
part.
"Mhh, it's my favorite," she whispers and
comes back to turn her tongue in my mouth. It
tastes of the chocolate and I feel like I don't
want to stop. She grabs me tighter and I'm
intoxicated with her kisses that I think I'm losing
my memory too. She's one passionate kisser!
She pulls out, "I waited for that all week
you idiot."
I kiss her again and tell her I hate her too—
which is another way of saying I love her. She
smiles and kisses again. Her mom's watching
from behind the curtain but I don't mind. She's
cool.
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"One more thing," I pull out two movie
tickets for Breaking Dawn Part One (Abby's
idea).
She smiles, "They say it's kinda bloody so
why not? Thanks, Alex!"
She goes back inside to ask her mom and
she agrees. Aisha comes back and takes my
hand. "And sorry for being so impatient with
you," she says.
"We're cool," I reply. Caught in a bad
romance. I text Mr. Peter telling him all is okay
because it's okay and he told me to tell him
when it's okay.
He replies: Good for you. And I was kidding
about losing my memory! Haha! But the sleep
was great!
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I laugh. Oh well! Lisa was not completely
right about Aisha. But I now know the whole
story. At least I learned a lesson: When a girl
hates a boy she loves, she loves for real!
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4
HOW OUR PRINCIPAL TURNED INTO A
ZOMBIE
It's recess! That means lunch at Bull's Park
for us. I walk out of History class with Aisha and
meet Lisa and Leo at their lockers. Lisa's locker
is right next to Leo's. Leo's books keep falling
out because off his horrible arrangement. He's
got earphones plugged in and I guess it's hip
hop because that's what he listens to most.
"Where's Abby?" says Lisa, gazing at me as
I come.
"Over there," Leo points out. Abby comes
by and stops. She already knows the school so
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well by heart, she can go anywhere without any
help now.
"Let's go guys I'm starving!" she says.
Sometimes we stay for lunch but I guess we
mostly go to Bull's these days. Aisha, my new
girlfriend, is getting the hang of Bull's too since
she likes to follow me and my family
everywhere we go.
Leo leads the way outside and we cross the
street and walk beside this long brick wall.
Surprisingly, the Park is looking a bit empty
today. Abby walks to our favorite table where
we can see the neighborhood out the window.
"Hey guys, look at that," Aisha points at a
picture hanged on the wall.
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"That's the principal!" says Leo, shocked. I
don't get it too. What's the principal's picture
doing in the Park?
"Weird," says Lisa as the waiter comes with
our lunch. We pre-order before we come so
once we arrive we just dig in. I'm sharing a
pizza with Aisha, Abby's having something with
chicken in it, Leo's got a plate full of steak and
Lisa just has drinks: cranberry and cream soda
(and sometimes an ice-cream if she's hungry).
Lisa eats more at home.
We're half-way through lunch when Mr. Bull
suddenly comes by and sits at our table with
us. We stop and stare. He stares back with a
cunning smile that he doesn't usually wear.
"Is it good?" he asks, pointing at our food.
"Yeah," says Lisa.
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Leo holds out some steak and speaks with a
mouth full of chewed meat, "Like why would
we keep coming here all the time?"
"It's good enough... as long as it's still free
for us, right?" says Abby. Our two weeks of free
food here aren't over yet!
"Nice to hear," Bull snaps his fingers and
calls a waiter, "Sam, more cranberry for the
lady here and bring Alex and his friend another
round of pizza!"
Wow! Bull's never done this to us before.
But I know nothing is truly free unless you've
won it. I turn to Lisa. She's staring deeply into
his blue Dutch eyes.
"What do you want?" she says.
Bull laughs, "What do I want? Ha! I want
you guys to be satisfied here."
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Now even Leo stops eating and stares at
him.
"Seriously, what is bothering you today?"
Lisa says.
Bull laughs and then coughs and laughs
again. We all wonder what's up with this dude.
He's not acting normal.
Bull sighs, "Okay I need your help!"
"Bingo!" Lisa sings, snapping her fingers
with a smile.
"What is it?" says Leo.
Bull gestures with his head to a picture up
the wall.
We are totally jaw-dropped!
"You like our principal?" I ask.
"Love her," he rephrases.
"Why?" blurts Abby, "Oh.. sorry."
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"And what do you want us to do?" says
Leo.
"I need one of you to send her a little
something for me."
"Wait, have you two been going out?" Lisa
seems curious about this.
"Not really. She just came here once and
we had a nice long chat. Have you seen her
when she sits? Oh, she's so adorable!"
Aisha and Abby chuckle. Leo's mouth is too
full to laugh and Lisa just smiles broadly.
"I guess you keep more pictures of her?" I
say.
"Oh, lots!"
Abby laughs, "And you gaze at her picture
while violating yourself?"
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Bull's face begins to blush slightly. Abby
seems to have no problem offending people
absentmindedly. She can say the f-word to the
Pope if he accidentally stepped on her shoe!
She's that blunt.
"That question is out of bounds," he
replies.
"So what do you want us to give her?" says
Aisha.
Bull smiles, "Sam! Get me the gift!"
The waiter goes into his office and returns
to our table, carrying the most beautiful
bouquet of lily flowers we've ever seen!
"Why aren't those for me!" Lisa stares with
desire.
Aisha spanks my back, "You never gave me
flowers!"
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"You told me to never do that," I reply.
"I never realized how beautiful they could
be!"
Bull chuckles, "No no, kiddos. These are for
Ms. Olivia"
Hm! I never even knew her name!
"I'll be delighted to deliver the flowers,"
says Abby.
Bull doesn't seem to disagree. "But one
more thing," he says, and pulls out a paper
from his pocket, holding it in two fingers. "I
wrote her a poem."
Aisha spanks my back again, "You never
wrote me a love poem!"
"Jesus! Okay, I'll write you a love poem."
She smiles back at me, satisfied. Girls!
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"Let me see," Lisa stretches her hand to
receive the poem. She takes a moment to read
it with Leo and then bursts out laughing. She
almost falls off the bench!
"Oh my God!" she laughs, "That was so
sweet!"
Leo smiles away and returns to his steak.
Bull hands me the poem. "Can you give this to
her?"
"I guess I can get passed her sleepy
secretary," I say.
"Good boy!"
Man, the dude looks really happy we're
helping him out with this. I guess he must've
been waiting for us. And now it's time to head
back to school and deliver these beautiful gifts.
*
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The bell rings! Mr. Peter turns around and
before he can announce a last minute
assignment to the class, he realizes he's the
only person left. "Damn it! They beat me
again!"
"I'll meet you outside later," I tell Aisha as I
head for my sister's locker. That's where we
agreed to meet.
"Cool, sweetie," she waves and heads for
her locker.
Abby's just arrived too.
"We have to be quick," I tell her.
"No problem," she pulls out the beautiful
flowers from her locker and joins me down the
hallway toward Mdm. Olivia's office.
"The poem?" she asks.
"My pocket."
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The secretary's office door is open and we
walk through. She surprisingly smiles back at
us.
"I believe those are for the principal," she
says.
"Yeah," we nod. I thought she'd be
sleeping.
She dials her and informs her about our
cause. "Go on in."
And for the first time I'm standing in the
principal's office. She's wearing a huge grin on
her face at the sight of the flowers we place on
her table.
"From Mr. Bull," says Abby. I almost laugh
at how she mentions him with so much
romance in her voice.
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"And he wrote this for you, I'll read it," I
open the paper to read her the poem and I
suddenly appear to be staring at a blank piece
of paper! OMG!
Oh shit!
Oh super shit!
I somehow mixed it up with some other
paper. The principal blinks her eyes the way
little lovesick girls do when they stare at their
first crush.
"Yes?" she's waiting for me to read it to her.
I sigh! "Here it goes!" I just have to make
one up.
I clear my throat.
Her eyes bulge wider.
And here it goes, "Your hair is black as
Snow White's. Your tongue as sweet as lemon!"
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Oh no, that doesn't sound right.
"Your perfume reminds me of home, and
the smell of eggs in the oven!"
Abby cringes! I'm not good at this. I'm not
an instant poet!
"You're eyes far as the horizon, stare deep
into my crystal soul, I love the way you laugh, it
makes my stomach crave for more!"
I got no concentration! My eyes are locked
on her chest that seems to turn purple and red.
"You're lovely hips make me think of
football... and how I broke my leg in the season
last fall..." I take a closer look and the spots are
spreading to her face and she's starting to
scratch herself all over.
"Madame, are you okay?" I ask. Abby
stands back.
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She struggles to scratch every part of her
body. "What flowers are these?"
"Lilies," says Abby.
The principal sneezes, "I'm allergic to
those. Please leave, I'm turning into a
monster!"
She screams and then sneezes so hard she
bounces out of her chair and falls to the floor.
Her arms and legs go purple! I take Abby's
hand and get out and call for help.
The secretary calls for an ambulance. Mdm
Olivia is screaming on the floor, scratching her
spots that keep spreading until she's one
purple principal. I get back with Aisha and tell
her everything. It's going to be difficult for Bull
now. Poor guy! Poor principal!
*
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We decide not to go to Bull's today. He
must've got the news and I guess he's not in
the mood to talk about it. Lisa can't believe
lilies are one of the most dangerous flowers to
people with flower allergies. In the same group
are tree flowers like almonds and orange.
To forget about our troubles we decide to
go out for a jog. We enjoy the evening jogging
around Sandton. But there's one thing we can't
help but notice: everyone we pass by is licking
an ice-cream!
Every kid, every boy, every girl, every man
and woman, every couple, every ex,
everybody's got an ice-cream! Even dogs at
the pet store!
I'm with Abby and Aisha and we have no
idea what's up! Once we jog back, we find a
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crowd of people from all over Sandton,
gathering around an ice-cream truck. It's crazy!
Aisha stares at the scene, "I've never seen
so many people craving for ice-cream like this!"
"Let's have a better look," I say and take
Abby's hand as we travel through the crowd.
"Hey, Al!" someone shouts!
I turn around and realize it's Lisa. She's with
Asher and Leo and they're all sucking icecream.
"Lisa, what's going on here?" I ask.
"The hottest ice-cream in the world!" says
Leo, holding four.
"I even got cranberry flavor," Lisa holds it
up for us to see.
"But it's just ice-cream," says Abby, arms
crossed.
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"It's not just any ice-cream," says Asher,
"This one's from another world!"
I turn to the ice-cream truck and read the
sign on it: RHINO'S ICE-CREAM!
What the fudge! Rhino's in town!
"Lisa!"
"What is it, little brother?"
"Rhino's back!"
"We know."
"What the!"
"He must've won the case or bailed himself
out, we don't care. His ice-cream is an
explosion to Sandton, we love it!"
I don't believe what I'm hearing. I glance
back at the truck and see two guys wearing
hats with rhino horns jutting out and they're
serving ice-cream. And as I see, they're making
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good money out of it. But me? I don't want
anything from those two jerks! At least Abby
and Aisha agree with me.
At school the ice-cream addiction seems to
take over too. At lunch, there's an order for a
truckload of ice-cream. Every ice-cream craver's
ass is outside and crowding around the truck!
It's outrageous!
Abby and I decide to go to see the
principal for two reasons: One, to see if she's
okay and two, to ask about this ice-cream
thing. She's never allowed an ice-cream truck
into the school compound before.
We get to the secretary's door but she
doesn't want to let us any further.
"I'm sorry but you can't see Madame Olivia
today," she says.
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"But it's important!" says Abby.
"I'm sorry but today is not a good day to
see her. She doesn't wish to be disturbed."
Just then the phone rings. She picks up and
we hear Mdm. Olivia's voice sounding from the
earpiece.
"Tell Rhino I'd like another special order of
Atomic Chocolate, pronto!"
"But Madame," says the secretary, "You've
already had ten boxes of those."
"I don't care how much I've had I want
more! Now deliver the message for me and
don't forget to mention want a charming and
handsome man he is!"
"All right," She hangs up and turns to us,
"As I've said, she's in no mood or condition to
meet with you today."
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I don't believe it! Even the principal's gone
nuts over this stupid ice-cream! But I have to
witness this for myself. I run for her door and
fling it open and see the most revolting thing
I've ever seen in my life!
The principal's sitting in her chair with legs
on the table and her skin is all red and purple.
Her face is full of chocolate and there's
chocolate cream smeared all over her desk,
staining her documents! She looks like a
zombie! She's a mess!
"Excuse me," I close the door, grab Abby's
hand and rush out.
"What did you see?" she asks. When I tell
her she feels like hurling. We meet Lisa at her
locker. Thank God! She's my biggest help!
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"Lisa, we need to talk!" I yell. I think I've
lost my mind right now.
"Just a minute little brother," she opens her
locker and pulls out a cold box. I back away a
step or two in shock!
"What the hell is that for?"
She explains, "I didn't want to trouble
myself lining outside with the rest so tadaa!"
She opens the cold box and my jaw drops to
the floor! "I brought my own ice-cream!"
I'm staring at Lisa, posing next to a cold
box full of nothing but ice-cream!
Here's what I do:
I yell!
I scream!
And then I run away like it's the end of the
world.
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Lisa asks if I want to try some but I'm not
going back. This can't be happening!
Something's deadly wrong here.
*
"All she wants is ice-cream from that rhino's
ass!" Bull sobs. Aisha, Abby and I have just
come to the Park after school. He doesn't look
good at all. Besides the Park being deserted
again, he's heartbroken too. It's just us four at
our favorite table next to the window.
Bull's caring blue eyes are turning red. I
hope he doesn't break in front of us.
"Everyone's after that ice-cream," I say.
"Even Lisa, Leo and Asher can't get their
hands off it," says Abby, trying to cheer the
man up.
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Bull pulls a newspaper on the table and
reads the headlines. "Ice-cream rules Sandton
city!" he chuckles, "The rest of Johannesburg is
also being introduced to this new brand called
Rhino's ice-cream. The top five addicted flavors
are Atomic Chocolate, Cranberry Queen,
Berrystraw, Coconut Divine and the Vanilla
Catastrophe. Orange Tongue is also emerging
into the list of the most addictive." He slams
the Star paper on the table. "You heard about
Asher and his team? The Wanderers?"
"No," I say.
"He missed three free shots because he
didn't have a scoop of ice-cream before the
game. The whole team doesn't practice
without it!"
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"That's crazy!" says Aisha. "It's like what
happened in English class today."
I wasn't around for that period. I had run
out. She tells us that Jennifer was presenting
her non-fiction story to the class and Mr. Peter
was standing beside, sucking his ice-cream.
She couldn't resist his awesome Vanilla
Catastrophe and attacked him! Mr. Peter
decided to swallow the whole ice-cream rather
than to lose it to her and Jennifer was so mad.
She steamed up and her head popped out all
its veins until she fainted! In the hospital wing
she kept shivering and begging for ice-cream
like a zombie!
"See, that's no normal treat," says Bull.
"I agree, Rhino's up to something!" says
Abby.
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"But how did he get out of jail?" I ask.
"He got a good lawyer. A miss Dorcy. She
got him out but at a huge price. Rhino's lost a
fortune to her and now I see he's trying to
make up for all the money he lost," says Bull.
"But I don't think he's doing it right. I smell
something fishy whenever someone tears open
their Cranberry Queen," I say.
"I don't think so. He's got the SABS label
on his products. They're certified, approved
and legal it seems."
"Are you kidding?" says Aisha, "Anyone
can fake their label!"
"She has a point," says Abby, "He's done
bad things before, he can do them again!"
"But what's his secret ingredient that keeps
people craving for more?" I ask.
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"I've thought of that all day myself!" Bull
slams a fist on the table.
"What are people addicted to most?" I ask.
"Hmm... sex?" Aisha guesses.
"Money?" says Bull.
"Alcohol?" says Abby.
"Bull guesses again, "Marijuana?"
I snap my fingers just the way Lisa would,
"Exactly! Drugs!"
"You think he's using drugs in ice-cream?"
says Bull.
"My mom keeps a drug testing kit at home,
it's worth a try," says Aisha.
"I say we do it before the rest of Jo'burg
turns into zombies." I say.
"If it'll save dear Olivia then go ahead
kids," Bull pleads, "The sooner the better."
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Without a second thought we leave the
Park and head for the streets where Rhino's icecream truck is parked. As usual, there's a crowd
of zombie's craving for ice-cream. We make
way through the crowd and bustle out at the
end and face the two masterminds in rhino
horn hats. They're just a pair of rhino's asses!
"Three please," Aisha passes money on the
counter.
"What flavor?" asks the dude behind the
counter wearing the stupid hat.
"Atomic chocolate, Cranberry Queen and
Berrystraw!"
"Here you go, sweetie," he hands her the
ice-creams. I suddenly notice a fifty thousand
rand diamond ring on his finger. Christ! These
rhino's asses are filthy millionaires already!
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"Let's go," Aisha leads us to her home. Just
by the package she's tempted to tear it up and
lick some for herself but she knows that's not
going to happen. She takes us to her kitchen
and pulls out the drug testing kit from a
cupboard.
We spread it all on the counter. Abby and I
open the ice-cream that's partially melted as
Aisha folds open the kit. She works with a few
chemicals, taking samples from the ice-cream
and mixing them up in a test-tube.
"There it is!" she grins as the mixture turns
purple in the test-tube, "There's a whole lot of
heroin in the stuff!"
Eureka! We solved this case!
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"The rhino's ass is gonna spend big time
back in prison," Abby puts her hands together,
delighted and all cheerful.
"That's not gonna happen!"
We spin around to that voice and oh my
God! It's Rhino's assistant and he's pointing his
gun at us.
"Bark!" I recognize him.
"I'm not Bark Bark anymore. These days I
go by Woff Woff," he sneers.
"Doesn't sound any different," says Abby.
"Whatever, what matters is that you three
are good as dead!" He points his gun at us. He
keeps his distance so that we can't disarm him.
Aisha's already drenched in sweat and shaking
in fear. She looks like she's vibrating! Abby
stays close to me.
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"Is he holding a gun?" she asks.
"Yes," I whisper.
"Then that explains why you haven't
castrated him yet."
"Shut up!" Woff bellows, "You kids know
enough. The moment I noticed you left without
eating your ice-creams I knew you were up to
something so I followed. And it seems I'm
right! Oh boy, Rhino's gonna pay me big time
for this!"
"You'll be caught some day!" I declare.
"Not so soon. In two weeks time we'll be
filthy filthy rich. We'll move to Hawaii and live
happily ever after just like in the fairytales! And
now it's time I silenced you three!"
He directs his gun to my face. I stand and
spread my arms in front of Aisha and my sis.
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"You're not killing them!"
He smiles and sniggers. He's wanted to do
this for a long time! His finger slides over the
trigger and he's about to pull! I shut my eyes...
BAM!
"It's okay," I recognize the voice! It's Bull!
When I open my eyes I see Woff lying on the
floor unconscious with his gun out of his hands
and drool dripping out his mouth. Bull's
holding a baseball bat that's now almost
broken. He smashed his head so hard half the
bat is hanging on splinters of wood.
"Thanks a bunch!"
Abby gives him a hug. Aisha pulls me to
her and lays a breathtaking kiss on my lips.
"Thanks for standing up with your life for us."
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Is it okay for a guy to say I'm flattered.
Whether or not, I guess I am.
"How did you know we were in trouble?"
Abby asks.
"I went down to the ice-cream truck to take
a look at things there myself and then I find
dear Olivia there having a nice chat with Rhino.
What an ass! He gave her free ice-cream and
even asked her out. I got so pissed that I
turned around and marched away or else I
would've punched somebody over there!
"But then I saw his assistant following you
three and I knew there was trouble. I called the
cops but I knew they might not come on time
and since you three are my good friends I
decided to sneak up and see what's
happening. And that's how I saved you."
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We owe it to Bull!
And this is how things wrap up: The police
get over and arrest Woff and repeat the drug
tests on the ice-creams. When it's confirmed,
Rhino's business is closed, he's got a hell lot of
charges and he gets his ass kicked back into
prison!
But you know what happens when drug
addicts are deprived of their heroin... everyone
got sick! It was a whole week of vomiting and
hurling and diarrhea and the list just gets
worse. It's disgusting! But at least people finally
came back to their normal senses (especially
the principal who is currently okay and no
longer an ice-cream-thirsty zombie) and now
Asher and his team don't depend on drugged
ice-cream either.
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We're home, watching a long boring
romance movie. I guess everyone in my family
but me is enjoying it. Lisa would sometimes
take a minute to wonder about how she lost
half her mind to Rhino's ice-cream.
"I can't believe I was so stupid!" she says.
"It's okay, everyone fell for it," says Abby.
"But we still have our stock," says Leo,
"Right, Lisa?"
Stock? What stock?
"Oh yeah," she grins her mischievous grin
and pulls me and Abby toward the freezer. She
opens up and I see... I see but it's too bad to
believe!
"Before Rhino's was closed we bought a
whole stock of this beauty!" says Leo, our very
sick-minded brother. I stare at the seven best
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flavors of Rhino's and I'm getting the
temptation.
"Let me help you," says Asher. There's
Atomic Chocolate, Orange Tongue, Vanilla
Catastrophe, Cranberry Queen, Berrystraw,
Angry Nuts and Coconut Divine! He gets me
the chocolate one, tears it up and sticks it into
my mouth!
"Suck it, Alex!"
They all laugh at me. I have to admit,
Rhino's got the chemistry when it comes to icecream. These are the best I've ever tasted in
my life!
"But they're drugged," says Abby. But I
don't care, they're GOOD!
"No they're not," says Lisa, "We bought
this at a nice discount. Rhino made these for
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himself so they're not drugged. He needs
money to get Dorcy to be his lawyer again and
was willing to sell these to us!"
"They're completely safe," adds Leo.
"Call your girlfriend, she would like these,"
says Asher.
I grin and grab Vanilla Catastrophe to go
with the chocolate. Abby pulls out Coconut
Divine. And if there's one thing I love, no
matter how crazy my family can be, they never
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5
DON'T FALL IN LOVE ON FACEBOOK,
EVER!
"Alex, you don't want to see this," says Leo
over the phone. I'm on my bed chatting with
friends on Facebook when I get my brother's
call. Weird! His room is just next door.
"What is it?" I ask.
"Come see," he says.
"You said I wouldn't want to see it."
"Then don't come. Haha!" he hangs up.
Boy, I hate this reverse psychology he does
to me every time. It can really get annoying. I
can't think of anything else other than what
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he's watching. And yes, I'm getting the feeling
that I want to see it too no matter what.
Is it temptation or curiosity? Or both?
Whatever it is it's winning and I get a out of
bed and drag myself to his door. I knock. The
door flings open and he looks at me with a
smile.
"Knew you'd come," he says, ""You can't
help it."
"Just show me what it is."
He gestures, "Come on in."
His room is kinda dark. The curtains are
closed and the only light around is glowing
from his MacBook screen on a desk. He let's
me have a seat beside his and he taps his
MacBook on again.
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"Holy crap!" my hands grasp my chair in
sudden shock. Leo bursts out laughing at my
reaction. "Not funny!"
"Oh, come on. You're a big boy, you don't
have to be chicken!"
"I'm not scared of this. I just didn't expect
it."
He clicks on play and slips back for comfort.
"Enjoy."
Am I enjoying this? Maybe.... but I don't
think so. I'd rather watch it alone. Leo sees my
face cringe.
"What's wrong, tiger? You're not liking
this?"
"It's weird to be watching this with you."
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He shakes his head, "I know your problem.
You need professionals. How about Jackie and
Jelly. They're the best porn stars I know."
My mouth gaps. "Why not some other
time."
"Wait, Jelly is the best at this!"
"LEO! ALEX!"
My heart jumps out of my throat at the
sound of that. We spin around and it's our
mom standing at the door. She just fired up at
what she saw! This is not good!
"WHAT IN THE LORD'S NAME ARE YOU
TWO WATCHING?"
Leo's mouth gaps. He doesn't know what to
say. He quickly exits the program but his
wallpaper is a picture of Jelly herself... Naked.
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"Oh shit!" he whispers! "It's nothing too
bad, mom."
"NOTHING TOO BAD!"
Oh lord! She's mad.
"THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME LEO AND ALEX I
NEVER THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST LIKE
THAT TOO!"
"But mom—" I try.
"NO BUTS. NOW GIVE ME THAT CD!" she
comes and stretches out her hand. Leo ejects
the CD but before he can touch it mom spanks
his hand away.
"Ouch!"
Mom takes the CD and gives it a look. A
horrible look!
"This can ruin relationships!" she says, a bit
calmer now.
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"Mom, I'm single."
"SHUSH!" she scolds. Leo shrinks back.
"Do you know what could happen if your dad
got his hands around this? Hm?" She folds the
CD in two with a sharp crack as it breaks. "Are
there any more of this?"
"Well... umm..." he can't even speak. So
mom turns to me.
"Alex?"
"I don't keep these, ask Leo."
"I heard Jackie and Jelly."
"I meant Jack and Jill," Leo blurts out.
"Let me see it!" she demands. Mom is
normally sweet but I guess when it comes to
this she just has to play the role of a
responsible upset parent. Leo hands her the
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second one and she snaps it into pieces. And
then she asks us to follow.
She leads us out and downstairs to the
living room to dad. He's reading a newspaper
on the couch. Asher's watching TV and Lisa's
reading True Love out to Abby.
"Stewart," mom starts. Dad pulls the paper
down to see her drag us in front. She's got the
broken disk pieces in a container.
"What is that?" dad asks.
She shakes the container. It sounds like a
rattlesnake. "Broken porn movies. Alex and
Leo can tell you more," she puts them on the
coffee table and leaves. Lisa and Asher stare at
us. They're all having a hard time not laughing
in front of dad, snorting under their noses.
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Dad sighs. "I think I'll need the room to
speak to my sons."
Lisa is first to get up and giggles on her
way to the kitchen. Asher flashes a grin at us
and leaves with Abby. It's just us three.
We have a seat at the opposite couch.
"I think it's time for another man to man
talk," dad puts his hands together, giving us a
calm fatherly look. It's making me feel weird
inside. "On the internet and in stores, video
libraries and even on the streets, you'll find a
whole lot of great things to watch and enjoy..."
He starts lecturing us about sex and stuff
and what's okay and what's not and there's
giggling in the kitchen! I am so going to get
back at Lisa!
"I hope you've understood," he finishes.
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We nod. We're too ashamed to even speak.
But I know I'm not supposed to be. I just had to
be in the wrong place at the perfect time!
Suddenly, Lisa walks out the kitchen and
invades our private talk.
"What is it, Lisa?" says dad.
"Well, Asher and I have discussed this too
and we came up with a really nice idea," she
flashes a grin at us. Dad cocks his head. She
got him interested. I just hope she's got a good
idea. "Leo's never had a girlfriend before. Not
even a date and psychologically, that's been
replaced by pornography."
Did she have to say that goddamned word!
"I think he should try going out with
somebody. Experience things through his own
hands and eyes and lips and the hunger will
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cease. I know this. You remember what I've
been through, dad?"
He nods. "I do and I guess you're right on
that part."
"I'm just trying to help my little brothers
here. Leave it to me, dad."
Dad smiles and takes up his newspaper
again. "You do your thing!"
"Thanks dad!" Damn it! Why does she have
so much swagger? But at least she helped. She
always. Sometimes too much!
*
"What do you think?" says Lisa, showing a
photo of a girl with light skin. We're at school
and she called me to her locker to show me
this picture.
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I take a better look at her. "Looks
beautiful."
"Careful, Aisha will get jealous if she sees
you drooling on that," Lisa teases as she grabs
her books from her locker. She fills them in her
backpack. "Got lots to study today."
I hand her the photo back, "Who is she?"
"Her name's Karen and I'm trying to see if I
can convince her to go out with Leo."
"Sure she's cool?"
"We're friends, I know her. Oh, there she is!
Karen!" she calls out.
Karen stops and turns around, wondering
where my sister is. Lisa walks to her and gives
her a hug. "And this is for you," she hands her
a huge chocolate bar.
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"Wow! Thanks," Karen isn't the type to
wait. She rips it open and takes her first bite.
"There's something I want to talk to you
about," says Lisa. "I need a date for my
brother."
Karen suddenly looks unsure, "Aisha said
she'll twist my legs like shoe laces if I got near
him."
"No no, I don't mean Alex, I'm talking
about Leo!" she clarifies. "You told me you're
looking for someone better than your ex. You
could try Leo."
They walk away so I don't hear the rest of
the conversation. But I guess Lisa's winning as
usual. Besides, she had her reasons for picking
Karen. She's hot, she's beautiful—wait, that's
like the same thing, she's intelligent and loves
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hip hop just like Leo. And she's friends with
Karen and knows her well.
In a moment Lisa finds me in the canteen.
She raises two fists in the air, "Bingo! Leo's got
a date!"
"Karen?"
"Yes." she smiles. She escorts me to the
table but she's not eating. She's good
company anyway. I roll spaghetti around my
fork and stick it in her mouth.
"Just a bit," I ask. She smiles and let's me
feed her. "Does Leo know?"
"Not yet."
"And what if he doesn't like Karen?"
"Are you kidding! He'd be gay!"
I laugh. She's got a point. Karen is the Kim
Kardashian around here.
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Lisa opens a bottle of lemonade and takes
a sip, "He should be thanking me for hooking
him up with her. She's got a terribly long
waiting list of guys she'll be dating this month."
"Is she that desperate?"
"Don't judge her. I used to be worse."
Oh, we all remember Lisa's days all right!
"How d'you get her to agree?"
She smiles, "I told her he's an expert in foot
massages and back scratching!"
I almost cough out my spaghetti.
"Seriously?"
She doesn't reply, she just laughs and
laughs. She loves to surprise us!
*
A few minutes later Leo walks into the
canteen holding something wrapped in foil.
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Once he spots us he settles at our table and
unwraps his lunch.
"Steak as usual," I guess that's all he eats
these days.
"You went to Bull's Park?" says Lisa.
Leo nods.
"I thought we planned to have lunch at
school today."
"I am," he chuckles. "This is lunch, and I'm
at school. You're the one who broke that
agreement."
Lisa laughs, "And how?"
"You're not eating."
"That's optional and I got my lemonade
anyway."
Then Leo cocks his head like when he's
about to say something he almost forgot. "I
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met Karen in the corridor." His voice tells us
something unexpected might've just happen to
him.
"Mh-hmm," Lisa caps her lemonade and
gives her attention.
"I was coming from Bull's with my lunch
and when I got to the corridor we meet. And
then she spoke to me."
Lisa and I both raise our eyebrows. What's
so weird about that?
He clarifies, "But we don't usually talk. She
asked if we could meet up at the Park after
school."
Lisa grins and Leo notices the mischief
behind it, "Did you do this?"
She giggles, "Maybe."
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"Oh, Lisa! You know I prefer dating girls
from other schools."
"Come on, Karen's like the hottest girl here.
After me of course."
Leo sighs, "I don't have a problem with her.
She really fine but the thing is... I already have
a date with someone else."
"Since when?"
"Since two hours ago. She's a friend on
Facebook."
"Have you met her?" I say.
"Not yet. I've only seen her profile picture.
She's super-hot! Just like Jelly!"
Lisa shakes her head. I can see she's totally
not liking the idea. "Facebook is the worst
place to find a date. It's just as bad as a blind
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date. Who knows what she really looks like.
What's her name?"
"Jessica Mayer. And how bad can a Jessica
be? All Jessica's are beautiful."
"Maybe, maybe not," I say.
"Are you sure about this," says Lisa.
"Positive."
"And what about Karen,?" I ask.
Leo gives it a thought. "How about this. I'll
go for both dates."
"I don't like the idea," says Lisa. "You're
just gonna hurt Karen."
"Okay okay. I'll go out with Karen first and if
I don't like her, I'll try Jessica."
Lisa's biting her lip, trying to measure how
fair that might be and finally agrees. "But you
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better give Karen a great time. She's my friend.
If you make her cry or say anything that'l—"
"Lisa!" Leo smiles, "Leave it to me."
You know what? I think I like the way he
said that.
*
I've had some time to wonder why Karen
asked to go to Bull's Park. I don't mean it's
bad. In my perspective it's not in the list of
romantic places but heck, it's cool!
Asher and I have had a good time teasing
Leo about his date. It's a good thing he didn't
mind us following. You know, to make sure
things go well... or just to mind our own
business (like we can!).
We let Leo have our favorite table. Asher,
Abby, Lisa and I sit somewhere close but it's
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not like we're staring at him all the time. We
know he needs his privacy.
Karen comes by early and they get
engaged into a nice chat with two cans of
Orange Pop.
"Looks good," Asher comments.
"I bet he's totally drooling," says Abby. We
all chuckle at that. Lisa agrees. Who could resist
Karen? Long bushy black hair falling to her
laps. Cute lips. Her daredevil grin.
Leo takes a drink out of his can and then
some dude blocks our view. He stands right in
front of Leo.
"What's up Kevin?" says Karen.
"What's going on here?" he replies.
"Can't you see I'm having a date?"
I bend back and see Leo stare at the guy.
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Lisa narrows her eyes at the scene, "This
doesn't look good."
"What's going on?" says Abby.
Apparently, things don't look too good.
Karen and Kevin both seem to argue. Karen's
voice rises, "I don't like you! Why can't you get
that?"
Oh no! Love triangle alert!
Asher always tells me love triangles are
time bombs. They explode any moment! Leo
stands up and sidesteps in front of Kevin.
"Listen, dude, Karen said she doesn't want you
anymore. So please leave us alone."
"Get out of my way!" Kevin shouts.
"To hell I'm not!" Leo stands his ground.
"I'm warning you!"
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Right then Lisa appears beside Leo and I
follow too. Kevin stares at the three of us.
"I think you heard my brother," says Lisa,
"You better leave before things get messy!"
She stares back at the dude in the face. Kevin
fires up but I can see Lisa's getting to him. And
Leo's got his swagger on today too.
"I need to talk to—"
"She doesn't want to talk to you. Now you
better go," Leo cuts him short. It's three on
one. Kevin shouldn't try anything stupid.
"It's easy," says Lisa, "Turn your fat ass
around and go play chess with the waiter.
Shoo!"
The dude's eyes turns red. He points a
finger at us.
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"It's not polite to point fingers," I say.
We're really setting this guy on fire. His finger
trembles. He looks like he's about to break. He
doesn't know what to say and chooses the
most craziest thing to do!
Leo falls back to the table. Kevin's punch
smashed his jaw.
"What the!" Asher gets to his feet. Kevin
tries to run but I give him a rugby tackle. Leo
comes back and he's mad! Lisa backs away
while Abby comes with a fork. "Where is he?"
Kevin's gone too far. Asher pulls me off him
and yells at him in the face, "You think it's fun
to make trouble? Huh? You think it's cool to
mess with my family?"
"If you knew my family you wouldn't touch
me," says Kevin.
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"You are so immature," says Lisa.
"Let go of me!" he screams. Bull finally
comes over. The rest of the Park is quietly
staring at the scene.
Bull stands between Asher and Kevin.
"What's happening?"
Leo gets up and rubs his cheek, "He
punched me for a girl."
Bull turns to him and back at Kevin. "You
know my rules. Any fight that starts here, ends
here."
"I'm not following your rules!" shouts Kevin.
"I only want to make this easier for you
kids. It's for your own good."
Kevin glares at us. Abby's still holding the
fork she was about to attack him with. He's
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lucky Bull intervened. He would've been Leo's
steak!
"Forget it!" Kevin turns his ass around and
stomps toward the door. "You guys are so
dead!"
"No threats in my park!" Bull bellows.
"I DON'T CARE!"
He is such a baby.
"I'm banning you from coming back here."
"I'll never!" He leaves for good. Bull turns
to us and sighs. He's got a worried look on his
face. He's never like this when he bans a
customer. I wonder what's wrong.
Bull takes a seat on the bench and explains.
"That kid happens to be the mayor's son."
"So?" says Abby.
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"He gets what he wants. Total momma's
boy!"
"You mean if he wants to see us get fried
like chicken he will?" says Leo. Bull replies with
a serious sad look. We all exchange faces as I
struggle to gulp down the truth. This is not
good!
*
At home I go straight to my room, finish off
my homework and take a nap. I did think about
taking a jog but nah, just got too sleepy. When
I wake up I'm all sweaty and I feel quite stuffed
so I head to the bathroom for a shower. That's
when I realize how quiet our home is. I'm like,
aren't Asher and Lisa supposed to be arguing
about getting shiny new rims for the van? I
remember what Lisa always said, "But they're
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already cool and shiny!" So I decide to go
downstairs to see what's up. I pass the floor to
ceiling windows on my way to the living-room
and I startle at what I see.
My family's all seated around the same
couch and dad's in the middle. He's holding
some paper, it looks like a letter. I know it's bad
news just by the expressions on their faces.
"What's happening?" I say.
Dad looks up at me, "It's terrible."
"Can you believe this?" says Asher, he
looks fired up the most, "The government
wants us to move. They said they just
discovered diamonds under our house and
want to excavate."
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"What!" I feel like fainting. It's completely
absurd. I don't want to leave. We're all happy
here. It's beautiful!
"But we know Kevin's behind this," says
Leo. Bull was right to be worried.
"So what do we do?" I say.
"We fight back," shouts Abby, "We're not
giving up without a fight."
"But we need a plan. A good one."
"But what do we know about Kevin?" says
Lisa.
"That he's immature, selfish, mean, weakoh... sorry," says Abby. She can be quite
impulsive when she's mad.
Asher suddenly snaps his fingers. He comes
up with a clever idea, "We don't know him that
much but I think I know someone who does."
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Lisa smiles, "I guess you're not as dumb as I
thought!" They love to argue over who's
dumber and stuff. I guess Asher gets the credit
for his idea. He tells us about it. It's great and
hopefully, it might just lead us to an answer.
*
Karen's walking innocently in the hallway at
school. She's got a pile of books on her and a
cute smile as she passes by the labs.
"Karen!" Leo calls. She turns to see us. Her
smile turns wobbly. I guess she's worried at the
sight of me and Leo. Maybe it would help if
Lisa was here.
"Yes."
"We need to talk about Kevin," says Leo,
panting after running down the hallway.
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"Umm," she takes a glance at me, "I heard
he set you in some real trouble." We nod. "I'm
sorry he is a total loser."
"It's not your fault," I say. "But we need
your help. If you know anything about Kevin
that could help."
"Umm... we went out last week and he was
kinda pushy and impatient. He wanted to have
sex on the same night. That was just too quick
and I don't rush that stuff. Wait, you're not
gonna blackmail him or anything, are you?"
Leo says no. She continues.
"The best I know is that he's kinda
desperate to find a girlfriend but no one likes
him 'cause he thinks he's cool 'cause he's the
mayor's son. And it's not. And he thinks I'm his
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property just because we went out. And
yesterday I guess he flipped or something."
"Thanks," says Leo.
"Don't mention it. And I'm sorry about the
whole thing," she turns and heads down the
hallway.
"Man, she's got legs!" I tell Leo.
He grins at me, "Aisha shouldn't hear you
say that."
I think it was simply a compliment. But
anyway, it's time to get back down to the real
business. We hurry downstairs and meet Abby
and Lisa at the lockers. Leo tells fills her in on
the info and it makes her smile.
I think she's going to say bingo.
"Bingo!" I guess I was right. "I got the
perfect plan."
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"Fill us in," says Abby.
"You see guys, Kevin's being the asshole he
is because he needs a girl to call his boo! He
wants some sugar!" Lisa's making this all
hilarious, "But he hasn't been getting that.
Take a look at this."
She shows us a paper with a list of girls's
names on it: Karen, Devota, Irene, Catherine,
Salha, Rahma, Alicia, Aisha, Sam, Jennifer.... it's
a really long list.
"It's like every girl in school!" I point out,
including my girlfriend.
"Every girl who's turned him down," says
Lisa, "I got this from Aisha. She really knows a
thing or two about everyone! So, Kevin's really
depressed and he's taking it out on us. I bet if
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we can get him on a real date he might leave
us alone."
It sounds brilliant, "But with who?"
Lisa turns to Leo and grins, mischief
flashing in her eyes. Suddenly, Leo's mouth
gaps in shock once he realizes her plan. "No no
no, hell no! Jessica is my date! And we're going
out tonight at the Naughty Forks!"
Abby laughs.
"Come on, Leo," I say. "It's either Jessica or
our house gets mowed with the lawn!"
Unwillingly, Leo knows he's got to give up
Jessica. He sighs heavily, "Okay. But it better
work."
"It will," says Abby.
*
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It worked! Okay, at least half of it. We're at
Naughty Forks, which is a very beautiful
restaurant. I'm thinking I should bring Aisha
here some day. My family and I are dining at a
table in the far corner while Kevin sits alone
with a blue rose waiting for Jessica to arrive. He
gestures to us with his glass as a sign of
gratitude. Lisa does the same, lifting hers up
too.
"Tell us again how you confused him into
this?" says Abby.
Lisa chuckles and tells us once more: She
met him in the corridor. He snarled at her. She
smiled back. She called him.
"Leave me alone!" he said.
"I just want to talk," she pulled his
backpack.
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He spanked her hand away, "We've got
nothing to talk about."
"I know about you!"
"You know nothing about me!"
She laughed, "That's what you think. But I
guess that's how all guys with a horrible love
life act."
He turned around again and sneered. "Shut
up."
"I just want to help."
"Really? Help your family, you're losing a
house!"
Lisa steps forward, "I understand what
you're going through and I really like to help.
You see, they call me the hooker! I hook guys
up!"
"Oh, yeah? How can I believe that?"
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"I hooked up Karen and my brother," she
looked squarely into his eyes, "I know you
need a girl. You're hungry and you've been
acting all mean. You know what they say, a
hungry man is an angry man. But I think I can
help you satisfy that."
Kevin tried to find a reason not to listen.
"I know you like what you're hearing so
don't leave. This is your favorite song. And let's
forget about yesterday. You want a date with
the hottest girl in Jo'burg?"
She handed him a photo of Jessica and he
gave it a look. Kevin turned the photo and on
the other side was the time and place: 8pm,
Naughty Forks, come with a big blue rose, I
will 2!
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When Kevin looked up, Lisa was gone. And
like nothing could feel better, he smiled and
gave in!
"You're so good!" I say.
"It's just my swagg," says Lisa.
"And you're intuition!" says Abby.
Asher's impressed too but Leo's still
frowning, "I'm losing Jessica!" There's her
photo on our table. He hasn't touched his hot
chocolate. I wish he would just quit drooling
over lost girls. But we still owe it to his sense of
responsibility.
"There she is," Asher points to the door.
We see a red rose behind the tinted glass
doors. But blue looks like red on black. Jessica
pushes open the door and the blue rose comes
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to view. Kevin smiles like he's never done it in
six months and—
"OH MY GOD!"
He drops his drink and the glass shatters
across the floor. We all gap in surprise. Leo
looks back and forth between the photo of
Jessica and the real Jessica.
"But... but b-but I don't get it!" Leo cringes
his face. He looks like he's going to cry.
Kevin, like the rest of us, stares at the real
Jessica, "Grandma!" he pronounces.
"Kevin!" she replies. "Kevin what trick is
this?"
I am completely taken away by laughter!
"They did it!" he gets to his feet and points
at us.
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Abby stands too and decides to do the one
thing Kevin wouldn't want her to do. She runs
to his grandma, bumps into her 'cause she can
only guess her location and bursts out in tears.
"He's making us lose our house because of
his uncontrollable lust for women. He's just
jealous of my brother for going out with a
friend he likes!"
"Hold on, young girl. Tell me what
happened," says Kevin's grandma.
We all leave the table and help Abby tell
the story. Kevin can't bear to watch! Asher
shows her the letter from the government.
"So your dad did this for you?" she's
steaming mad. "I don't know how my date
turned into this mess but one thing's for sure...
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I'm having a long chat with you and your dad
today!"
Kevin pouts, "Aren't you too old for
dates?"
"Love knows no age," I declare. His
grandma gives me a nice smile and turns back
to her obnoxious grandson. She grabs his arms
and drags him away like a little kid.
"You and your pop are in big trouble!" And
they leave out the door.
I sigh in relief. At least that worked. Though
not the way we expected it but it couldn't get
any better. Abby wipes away her fake tears and
laughs along with us. What a day!
So this is how things wrap up: Kevin and his
stupid mayor dad get it straight from grandma.
They're not to mess with us ever again. Our
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home isn't going to be bulldozed into rubble
anymore and Leo quit porn. It caused enough
trouble.
"I thought Jessica was supposed to be
beautiful!" says Leo, as we lounge in the living
room. Asher's all over his Vanilla Catastrophe
ice-cream and doesn't mind what he's saying.
"She is," says Abby, "She just happened to
be old too!"
"And what about Karen?" I wonder if he'll
still be dating her.
"She's a jumper. She's dating Francis now
just because he's got seven fingers," says Lisa.
"She's not the girl for my brother."
Leo chuckles.
Lisa laughs.
"Thanks but I don't need help there."
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"You could," Abby nods and she means it,
"You really could!"
I'm happy things are back to normal. No
one beats us 'cause like Abby loves to say,
we're the bestest. And we're family!
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6
OUR TEACHER KISSES A BEAR AT THE
MALL
"That was funny!" Aisha nudges me in the
corridor as we're on our way to the lockers.
"Was not!" I counter. I don't get why she
thinks horrifying stories are so funny! Here's
what happened: Mrs. Gala, our great history
teacher assigned us to do presentations based
on historical facts and stories from any point in
time. I chose the Brazen Bull tale-well, actually
Aisha made me chose it. It's about Perilaus, a
brass worker in the 6th century who designed a
famous method of execution in ancient Greek.
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"Was too!" says Aisha. I give up, there's no
use fighting with someone like Aisha.
Apparently, Mrs. Gala liked the tale which I
think results from her love for Greek mythology.
"Hey, Al, aunty's in the canteen waiting for
us," says Lisa as she passes by. Our aunt just
flew in from Harare after visiting a close friend
over there. She came back last night at 10pm.
To avoid traffic we took the subway to the OR
Tambo Int Airport via the east-west line that
travels from there to Sandton via Rhodesfield
and Marlboro.
Aunty spent the night at our place and
asked to visit our school. Asher agreed to bring
her here during recess.
"Yay! You'll introduce me to her right,"
Aisha smiles, tugging on my arm. She loves it
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when I show her to new people. Friends and
relatives. Her eyes are all sweet and adorable
and staring at me to say yes.
"Yeah yeah," I roll my eyes. Lisa shakes her
head teasingly and pulls me all the way out of
the crowded hallway to the canteen.
"ALEX!" at the sight of me aunt Meg
screams and runs to give me a breath-taking
hug! It's so tight and she's so huge, it's like
being squeezed by a bear. Aisha, Lisa and
Asher laugh aside.
"I miss you!" she says.
"Yeah," I cough, "I think I miss you too."
She finally let's go and I can breathe again.
"And aunty... this is Aisha, my girlfriend."
"Please to meet you!" Aisha let's out her
hand cheerfully for a shake. Aunt Meg glares at
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it and then examines her face. She turns back
to me, her eyes now as sharp as a hawk. Come
on! We didn't break a law!
"She's not pregnant, is she?" she asks me.
What! Aisha cringes. "What-no! Of course
not."
Aunty rolls her eyes, "Of course not yet!
Anyway, don't you ever hurt my baby's feelings
because if you do—"
"Aunty!" Asher interjects, "How about that
tour."
"Oh yes," she turns around, "Let's go
then."
We show her around the canteen as we get
our lunch. She seems to like the place.
"It's a lot better than your previous school,"
she comments.
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Lisa is first to finally sit down at a table,
"Our previous one wasn't really a school." We
all take our seats and place our plates on the
table. Aunty squeezes herself between me and
Aisha. Sheesh! Oh well, at least the food
doesn't have to be a pain in the ass! (Yes, she
literally is).
Things seem cool and all right for now. I've
got a fork in my spaghetti and I'm about to eat
my first bite when suddenly, aunty jumps off
the bench. "MRS. GALA!" she yells.
Mrs. Gala stops on her tracks and glares at
my aunt. "MEG!" she points at her and she
replies with a look so full of rage and anger.
They're both glaring at each other so devilishly
I can feel the heebie-jeebies creeping up my
spine!
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"Looks like arch-enemies," Leo whispers to
me.
Mrs. Gala takes a step forward, "And what
brings you hear?"
"None of your business. You still meddle in
people's lives?"
Mrs. Gala laughs! "Ha! Meddle? Look who's
talking. You meddled so much your man ran
away from you!"
My aunt Meg fires up, "You good for
nothing husband thief!"
"Uh-oh, cat-fight!" says Abby.
Mrs. Gala isn't stirred up a bit by what
aunty said. I don't want things to get out of
control. Lisa notices my distress. She gestures
to me to not jump on my history teacher, at
least for now.
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"You couldn't keep the man you had and
he came running into my arms for all the things
he couldn't find in you!"
Okay, I know I love my history teacher but
now she's gone way too far with that!
"Aunty, you're not going to let her get away
with that, are you?" says Abby.
"Of course not!" aunt Meg grabs her plate
and with pleasure, thrusts it into Mrs. Gala's
face. "Kiss that you rotten witch!"
Woah woah woah! That was hot! The
canteen goes silent. Everyone's looking at my
aunt like some kind of hero from a distant land.
"Oh my!" Mrs. Gala can't find the words to
say as she wipes the spaghetti off her fac. She
glares at my aunt with such despise and points
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a wobbly finger at her. "You won't get away
with this!"
"Why don't you call your man here if he's
so tough!" yells Abby.
"Abby!" I nudge her. Why does she always
pepper drama!
"Yeah!" aunt Meg agrees, "Call that idiot
over here!"
Mrs. Gala scans around for a plate. She
briskly snatches Lisa's spoon and throws it at
aunt Meg. It simply bounces off her shoulder.
Aunty wipes the spot and then glares at Mrs.
Gala like she's going to eat her. It's creepy and
Mrs. Gala can't do a thing. She's a small thing
and aunty's all big and tough. She chooses the
easy way. She turns around and storms out of
the canteen.
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"Hurray!" Abby shouts.
I nudge her again. "Please!"
The entire canteen bursts into applause and
cheers.
"Aunty made history!" says Leo.
Lisa has second thoughts about that, "I
think she mad an enemy."
Asher is concerned too. I don't see his eyes
because of the sunglasses he wears all the time
but his forehead folds to wrinkles. Aunty sits
down and puts on a smile, "Sorry about that.
Lisa, where did you say you wanted to have
dinner tonight?"
"Naughty Forks," she replies. Her smile is
crooked and I know she's thinking of what to
do. The look on her face says it loud and clear:
we've got work to do.
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*
After the tour at school Lisa and Abby head
down to the salon with aunt Meg to get her
hair done. Abby stretches beside on her chair,
aunty's loving the facial she's getting but Lisa
just stands aside. She hardly ever goes to the
salon unless shes taking Abby or mom or a
friend.
"Why aren't you having anything?" says
aunty.
Lisa blushes a bit, "I prefer my current
hairstyle. Short, trimmed and flat."
"You girls need to look beautiful."
"I am beautiful," Lisa blushes harder.
"No you're not," says Abby.
"Shut up," Lisa says. Aunty chuckles. Her
hairdresser sprays her hair with lacquer.
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"Just a little bit more," says the hairdresser
when suddenly, a very unwanted guest waltzes
in.
"YOU!" screams aunt Meg. Mrs. Gala stops
in front of her, posing with a hand on her hip.
Lisa cringes at the sight, dreading yet
another unexpected movie moment. "Umm,
aunty we've been through this already."
"YES ME, YOU OLD SLUG!"
"What did you call me?" aunty gets to her
feet. She's towering over Mrs. Gala like a that
blue monster Sully in the Pixar animation
Monsters Inc.
Mrs. Gala plucks the guts to say it again, "A
merely good for nothing SLUG!"
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"I'm gonna throw you through that window
you won't remember that idiot husband of
yours!"
Lisa edges closer to aunt and whispers,
"Aunty we should go now."
"No!" she shoots her hand in the air.
"There's no good in jealousy, dear. Besides,
I've got David right where I want him!" Mrs.
Gala gives her a classic look like she's won and
there's nothing she can do about it.
Aunt Meg stares with rage and Lisa tries
again, "We should really go."
"Yes you should!" Mrs. Gala bellows.
"We're not until we're done here," aunt
Meg declares.
"You're out if I say so. I own this salon
dammit! Rachel, I believe you're done." Gala
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turns to her hairdresser, expecting some
cooperation. Rachel turns Abby's chair around
and tells her to get up. Lisa's dumbstruck! She
had no idea Gala owned the place.
"If this place belongs to you then I'm going
out!" says aunt Meg.
"Just like I told you! And don't you ever
come near David, he's happy with me."
Lisa catches a look on Rachel's face that
tells her something fishy is going on. She
doesn't ask now though, she's just thinking of
dragging aunty out of the salon.
"If I could meet David you wouldn't stand a
chance!" says aunty.
"I disagree, David has no taste for female
elephants!"
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Aunt Meg's jaw drops and so does Lisa's.
Gala flashes a naughty innocent smile, the
sarcastic wit of a despicably competitive
female! In other words, girls and grudges!
"Aunty, you're not gonna let her—" starts
Abby but Lisa cuts her short.
"Let's go!" she grabs their hands and drags
them out as fast as she can before the trouble
gets any closer.
*
I meet Lisa, Abby and aunt later in our
drive. Leo comes behind me with a chainsaw,
he's been trying to scare me with it ever since
we came back from school and honestly, he's
quite convincing at times with his eyes.
"Leo, put that down," says Asher.
"You tell him!" I tease.
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"Chicken," Leo makes the terrible thing in
his hands roar again as he moves the saw in
front of my face. Lunatic! Aunt Meg goes into
the living-room and rests on the couch. I go
finish up some homework in my room while
Aisha keeps calling about Mrs. Gala's new
assignment to build a sculpture out of
chocolate. I know, Mrs. Gala is the history but
ever since Madonna Lisa was diagnosed with
horse-flu infection, she's taken her place as art
teacher. For a week!
I told Aisha to try sculpting a duck, it's the
easiest thing.
"Or why don't I buy a chocolate bunny and
present it instead?" she asked. I tell her to
keep to the duck.
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I take a nap later and get annoyingly waken
up by Abby so I can get ready for our dinner at
Forks.
Yawning like an elephant, I shower, dress up
and head down. It seems like everyone's been
waiting for me. It sucks being the last. We get
out in our casuals and stroll into the night.
Asher left the van ten blocks away because he
was having a chat with a friend so we walk the
distance on the curb.
On our way to the van two things happen:
Aisha calls again and we bump into a
pickpocket.
With Aisha, she calls to tell me her duck fell
apart.
"Freeze it!" I guess she's bored. She calls a
lot me when she's like that.
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Now the pickpocket: As usual, we walk side
by side to each other just like the four fingers
on your hand and some guy in a bear costume
is walking our way.
"What's a mascot doing here at this hour?"
says Leo. It's seven o'clock and I wonder the
same.
"Maybe it's a burglar," says Abby. In a bear
costume? I don't think so. The mascot bumps
into aunt and pushes Lisa aside as he forces to
pass through us. "I'm sorry, please excuse me!"
Aunty turns around and she looks pretty
fired up, "You touched my ass!"
"I'm sorry," he explains, "I can't get this off
and it's making it hard to see!"
"Wait a minute!" says aunty. "Do I
recognize that voice?"
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"Umm, no!" he runs off.
"Typically weird!" I say.
"Nothing's weird without a reason," says
Lisa, "Aunty, do you have your wallet?"
"Let me check," she slips her hand in her
purse and her mouth gaps in shock. "It's
gone!"
"I knew it," says Lisa. She wheels around
and heads back for the mascot. "Give me a
minute." Lisa knows thieves best because she
used to be one herself. Even when it came to
guys, she was just as skilled.
"Hey you!" the mascot guy turns around
and finds Lisa jogging behind him.
"W-what is it?"
"Something's wrong with that tail of yours."
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"Really?" he turns around to give it a look
and Lisa walks round him close. "Nothing's
wrong."
"Oh," she pretends to be surprised and
shy, "Well it looked like it was coming apart
and I thought I should tell you. All right, I'll go
now." Lisa pretends to blush and quickly jogs
back with aunty's wallet in her pocket!
"Thats's my girl," aunty smiles, when Lisa
hands her her wallet. A phonebook suddenly
drops to the ground.
"Hey!" Lisa picks it up, "I must've picked
this out by mistake."
"Maybe there's money, or a million rand
cheque," says Abby.
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"Abby, we're already rich," I remind her.
Lisa opens it up and a ring appears between
the pages. A beautiful diamond ring!
"I recognize that ring!" aunty takes it and
gives it a patient look. "Oh yes I recognize this
one. It's a very special kind."
"What's special?" says Leo.
"Let's get to Forks. I need to tell you a little
sad story."
*
It was so sad we were blowing tissues at
Naughty Forks. Aunt Meg used to be married
to David, she lost a huge amount of money and
after one month, they divorced. This is what
happened:
They had a beautiful wedding on August
6th, 1989 under a coconut tree. Meg believed
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she had found the man of her dreams. She did.
But her dream ended too soon. David always
had trouble with employment and had many
misunderstandings at work.
"I'm just doing what's right!" he yelled,
smacking the lamp on the stool while Meg
watched pitifully. She regretted asking about
that so often. But there was always a need to
raise the subject. Her bills were surprisingly
rising fast. David told her it was because they
now lived together and that was bound to
happen. Just one problem: Meg paid 80% of
the bills.
David was quite a failure. He failed at work,
he failed to help out with even half the rent and
he failed to give Meg kids.
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Money was bleeding out of her wallet
everyday like she had no control over it until
she decided to hire a detective. On week later,
she found out David was illegally using her
credit card and had someone forge the bills for
him. The reason? He was feeding Gala, in her
time of unemployment and had plans to marry
her! It was all a stupid scheme against Meg!
"What an asshole!" cries Abby, blowing on
her seventeenth tissue.
"That's why I hate Gala so much!" Tears
burst out of aunty's eyes. Asher's sad too and
after so long I can see his eyes again. He wipes
the wateriness out them. Aunty really had
reason to despise our history teacher.
"This was his wedding ring and he used the
same when marrying Gala," aunty points out to
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the ring on the table, hidden under blown
tissues. And after a long time, I feel sincerely
sorry.
*
On our way back home I ask to pass by The
Chocolate Bank, it's the best chocolate store I
know. Asher pulls over by the curb and I get
out with Lisa and aunty. I push the door open
and waltz in first, the gorgeous chocolate
aroma filling my lungs. It makes me feel
inflated. It's a good thing Chocolate Bank runs
24 hours (except on weekends).
"So how much chocolate are you looking
for?" says Lisa, pulling me to the counter. She
always loves to take the lead.
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"I don't know. I'm making a sixteen inch
sword," I decided to sculpt that but my first
thought was a chocolate man.
"I want some chocolate chicken," says
aunty.
Lisa points to the girl behind the counter,
"Talk to her."
When aunt Meg leaves Lisa drags me closer
and whispers, "You know we can't let this go
on."
"Let what?"
"This thing between aunt Meg and Mrs.
Gala. Gala's going to hate you because of her."
"What do you have in mind?"
Lisa shrugs, "I don't know, but in time I
hope things will reveal themselves."
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She's right. But I have no idea how to solve
this mess. We can just wait and see for now. I
pay for a package of chocolate and help aunt
get a chocolate chicken. Next thing we're back
in the van and on our way home.
I spend hours on this sculpture, melting the
chocolate and freezing it over and over until I
get the sword done. I go to bed at three and
wake up three hours later.
And Lisa's right! At school we pass by Mrs.
Gala and she glares at us with so much rage I
get second thoughts about going to class.
"I think I can submit your sculpture for
you," says Aisha as we walk in the hallway.
She's quick to notice the tension from Gala.
"Good idea!" I pull the sword out of my
backpack and hand it to her.
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"Nice!" she smiles and shows me her duck.
It's got a huge beak.
"It's missing an eye," I point out.
She chuckles, "I made the eye so cute I
found myself eating it! So where will you be?"
"In the gym."
The hours pass on and I come back for
English. When school's over I head straight
home with Abby and Leo. Lisa's staying behind
for some project at school though.
"I can't believe I have to do the same
stupid assignment too," Abby sulks as we walk
home.
"The chocolate one?" I say.
"Yeah!"
"So what're you gonna do about it?" I ask.
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"I don't know. I might try abstract sculpting
since I can't see," she chuckles.
Leo grins, "I have an idea."
"What?"
"Aunt Meg's chocolate chicken!"
"Don't you think she bought it for a
reason?" I say.
Leo disagrees, "What reason? It's been
home since yesterday and all we do is stare at
it. We could at least lick it."
"I'm not sure," I say.
"Leo's right," says Abby, "Why stare at it? It
needs to be eaten and I need a chocolate
chicken. We'll buy aunt Meg another one
later."
"I give up," I say.
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The first thing Abby does when she gets
home is grab the chocolate chicken from the
table and dump it in her backpack. "I'm going
back to school."
"What for?" we ask.
"To put this in my locker and I need it
replaced before aunt knows it's gone."
"Cool. I'll buy a new one," I say.
"I'll go with Abby," says Leo.
"No, I'll come back with Lisa," says Abby,
"You can go with Alex."
It's settled. Leo and I take the car and drive
off to Chocolate Bank. We order a chocolate
chicken but the girl says they're out of those so
we have to wait. Boring!
We're sitting here for over and hour with
hot chocolate talking about girls and aunt Meg.
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"She's gonna be ticked to come back and
find her chicken's gone," Leo tells me.
"Why d'you think she bought it? She
doesn't even eat chocolate since her last dental
surgery," I say.
He gives it a thought. "Do you think it's got
something to do with Gala?"
"I don't know. But it's getting fishy."
The girl behind the counter gives a fake
smile. "Sorry, just twenty more minutes. You'll
have it free."
"Don't worry about it," says Leo and he
turns to me, "I've got an idea."
"For our problem?"
"No, for that girl." He orders another hot
chocolate and when the girl shows up again
with his latte, he asks her to have a seat.
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Leo pushes the drink to her. "You looked
kinda thirsty."
She smiles back, "Thanks."
"Alex, can you please check up on that
chicken," he tells me. Okay, I get the point. He
wants to be alone. I get up and leave them
giggling behind me. Whatever. I wait by the
counter for this chicken and take a look outside
from time to time. It's getting dark. Lisa and
Abby must be home by now. I glance at my
digital and like the say, time flies. By the way,
it's a stolen Timex. Courtesy of Lisa. It was back
in the old days when we lived miserably in the
valley of poverty until Asher got famous. I still
keep the cool watch to remind of where I came
from.
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The girl finally gets up and walks behind
the counter and through a door. She returns
with a warm chocolate chicken. Leo comes and
pays for it.
"But I said you can have it free," she says.
"I know," Leo smiles. The girl smiles back at
him. "I'll call."
"Will wait," she replies.
"Can we go now," I interrupt. It's really not
the time. Thankfully, we finally do.
*
It's really dark when we get the car parked
in the drive again. But we can't help noticing
the noise coming from home.
"Sounds like aunt Meg," I say.
"I hope it's not," says Leo. "Come on."
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We get out the car and stroll inside the
living-room from a back door. I've got the
chocolate chicken in my hands as we tip toe
into the kitchen.
Leo points to the table. "Right there," he
whispers. I lift it higher and gently place it on
the"YOU TWO!" aunt Meg shouts, storming
into the kitchen. I'm so startled I drop it on the
table!
"Y-yes aunty," we stammer.
She gives the new chocolate chicken a look.
It's luckily still in good shape. "That's not mine,
is it?" she points at it like it's poison.
"Yes, it's for you," says Leo.
Her tone rises, "I mean it's not the one I
bought yesterday!"
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Abby comes into the kitchen, rubbing her
knuckles together in anxiety. "I can explain."
"Please do," says aunt, "I can't find my
chocolate chicken."
"I had an assignment to make a sculpture
out of chocolate too and you know I can't see
so I took your chicken to school instead and my
brother's planned to get you a new one before
you came back. We're sorry!" Abby gives a
promising smile, looking for some
understanding in aunty's eyes.
"Oh no! Can you get it back?" asks aunty.
"I need it."
"Not sure, why?" I say.
"I hid David's ring inside it!"
"Why would you do that?" says Lisa who
just arrives into the kitchen.
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Aunt sighs, "I wanted to get back at her.
One thing she values the most is a wedding
ring and I've no doubt it's David's. He must've
lost it to that pickpocket. That ring has the
power to bring Gala to her knees!"
"Aunty, you're exaggerating! You bought a
chocolate chicken just to hide a ring!" says
Abby.
"Yes! And I want it back... tonight!"
"Tonight!" Leo can't believe it.
"But school's closed by now," I say.
Aunt Meg beams at me. She looks crossed.
"I met Aisha at Bull's Park today. She gave me
a wonderful lecture of the Greeks and they're
famous methods of execution." Oh my God,
where is she going with this? "I remember one
in which the victim of such torture is hung up!
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side-down between two poles with leg
straddled wide. A heartless man would take a
saw and begin cutting him. Starting from his
groin and down his abdomen. Such
unmentionable pain would he experience! And
you know the worst part? Because of the upside-down position the brain would have a very
sufficient supply of blood and the victim would
remain conscious for a very long time to
witness his body become divided,
symmetrically!"
I feel like hurling. It's typically Aisha's
material!
"And if you don't want me to pull that on
Gala with a chainsaw you guys better help me
get that ring back!"
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Lisa steps forward, plastering on a cheerfullooking smile, "You know what aunty, we'll get
it right now."
Aunt Meg smiles. "Thank you, dear."
Lisa gestures to us. "Come on, guys." She
takes us out the kitchen and into the drive.
"Okay here's the plan. Alex and Abby, you go
to school and get that chicken. Leo, I need you
to help me. You're smooth with girls. We have
to get to the salon before it's closed."
"Lisa, what're you planning?" I say. She
smiles and pulls out a piece of paper from her
back pocket. It's from a newspaper. She let's
me have a look. "Anonymous pickpocket
arrives at Sandton mall!" I read. "So?"
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"I got pieces," Lisa explains, "I'm still trying
to make them fit. But this article just made a lot
of things very clear to me."
"Are we still trying to get aunt Meg to get
over this?"
"Yes."
"And how?"
"If this plan works."
"Is that why you're going to the salon?"
says Abby.
"Come on we're running out of time. Take
the car we'll take the van."
I get in our car and drive Abby and I to
school while Lisa and Leo go the other way for
the salon. I've got no idea of why she wants to
go there again. I just hope she's right.
*
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We pull over in the parking lot under a
lamplight and step out. It's cold. I grab my
sister's hand. "You got the keys?"
She nods a yes.
"You ready?"
"Yeah," she replies. "The doors are closed
but the P.E teacher never locks his office. We
can get in there."
I glance at the football field. "Let's go." We
go round the building, crawling behind the
bushes and keeping a look out for the cameras.
We keep close to the wall and get to the door. I
twist the handle... voila! It's open! Abby can
hear it creak and she grins at the fact we finally
got our way in.
The office leads us to the corridors and
after a few turns we're running down the
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hallway. We break and skid to stop by Abby's
locker. Our shoes scream with friction at our
sudden stop.
"Hurry," I gasp. Abby fumbles her jacket
pocket and pulls out her key. She twists it in the
lock and it clicks inside. The locker peels open.
We grab the chocolate chicken and throw it in
our backpack. Abby quickly locks her locker
again and she's quite noisy with it this time.
"Who's there?" says a voice from around
the corner. I freeze. Abby squats quietly beside
as we hear the footsteps draw. I feel him... it's
high time to admit someone's coming!
*
Lisa and Leo walk into the Gala salon just in
time. Rachel's left alone, wrapping things up
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for the night and putting tools back into the
cupboards and shelves.
"We need to talk to you," says Lisa.
Rachel cringes back with a worried look.
She's surprised to see them too. "What for?"
"It's about your employer, Mrs. Gala.
What's going on between her and David?"
"I'm sorry," Rachel examines their faces,
"she asked me not to tell anyone, especially
you."
Lisa sighs and sits on the waiting bench
with Leo. "Sit here, I think we can work this out.
I don't want to win, I just want to help both of
us out."
"How can you do that? It's really bad."
Leo sees the grin on Lisa's face. "Leave it to
me. I'll do what I can, but I need your help."
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*
We spin on the spot and dash the other
way as fast we can. It's a good thing Abby's not
afraid of running. I push through swing doors
leading to the P.E department and the
footsteps follow behind us, sprinting up the
corridor behind our shadows.
"STOP!" the voice yells behind us.
Oh my God, I'm panicking now! We run
past the gym and cross the changing rooms
until we find a place to hide. I pull Abby with
me into a room and quietly shut the door.
There're benches on either side, a closet and a
towel hanged on a bar. Apart from that the
room seems spacey.
"Is he close?" Abby whispers. Her chest is
heaving and I can't ignore the sweat beads on
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her forehead. Before I can reply we hear the
lock click and an evil laugh sounds from the
other side!
I rush for the handle...
"It's locked! Let us out!" I shout, fighting
with the handle.
"Let us out!" Abby yells. The guy just
laughs and we hear something tick and click
like he's setting something on.
"Here's your due reward for breaking in the
school at this hour!" he sneers. I bet it's one of
the security officers.
"You can't lock us in forever," says Abby.
"Of course not, I'm just punishing you
before you're expelled!" He laughs and we
hear him step back. "Experience hell, or rather,
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the Brazen Bull. I think you know that one,
Alex!"
Oh no! Not the Brazen Bull!
"What's the Brazen Bull thing?" says Abby. I
turn to her and wonder how I'm going to
explain such a horrible thing at this moment.
The security officer leaves, his footsteps fade in
the distance and I'm about to experience my
worst and hottest night at school!
*
"Thanks a lot for your helping hand. It's
meant a lot to us and my family," says Lisa,
eyes full of love and charm. Leo shakes her
hand, his eyes locked on her breasts, clearly full
of lust and desire just like most teenage boys
who get a close-up on a hot girl.
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"We admire you," says Leo,
absentmindedly.
"I'd be really happy for Mrs. Gala if you can
help her," says Rachel and she gets up from the
bench.
"I'll tell her of your part in this. Who knows?
You might get a raise," Lisa adds.
"I don't mind money, I just want her peace
of mind," Rachel replies.
Lisa smiles, "Got it." She takes Leo's hand,
"Let's go brother."
They head out back to the van. Leo offers
Rachel a ride but she declines the offer so they
leave alone. Lisa pulls out her phone and calls
aunt Meg.
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"You've got the chicken?" says aunty. Lisa's
a bit taken aback by that but forgives the
urgency.
"Something even better," says Lisa.
"What is it?"
"The best thing in the world!"
"Yes?"
"I got you information! Juicy info you'd love
to hear!" Lisa grins.
"Really? About what?"
"Things Gala doesn't want you to know."
"You always know how to make me smile,
darling. Now tell me everything!"
*
The horrifying fact about the Brazen Bull is
that when Perilaus designed the crap, he put
pipes in the head of the bull so that when a fire
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was lit beneath to roast the victim, it would
amplify his screams to sound like a horrible,
pathetic bellowing of a bull!
And that connects to what's happened to
us. We're locked in a sauna with the top heatlevel making me drench my boxers in sweat!
I'm sitting back-to-back with Abby who's
sweating as bad as I am. We suck in large
breaths.The air feels so heavy. We just called
Asher to help save us. It's only a matter of time
now.
"My phone's not working," Abby holds it
out with a sad face.
I take a look. "It's fried! It's the heat!"
"I think I'm drowsy!"
Not a good idea. She could lie down for
good. This security ass is gonna get it once we
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get out of here! I look at Abby and I feel like I
should get her mind off the heat so I ask about
the chicken.
"I almost forgot!" she bounces up and
grabs the backpack. Guess that worked! She
zips it open and the sweet smell of chocolate
escapes, diffusing into the heat.
"Oh no! It's melted!" I point out.
"Shit!" says Abby, "My backpack's ruined!
Can you find the ring?"
I stretch my finger inside, moving it through
the chocolate and my index knocks the
diamond ring. I pull it out. It's better than what
I thought at first sight. "Got it!"
"At least something!" she sighs, drowning
again in the heat. We hear the footsteps
sounding from outside again and the dirty, evil
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laugh of the security. And then it suddenly
changes into a horrible scream, things drop
from the shelves, clinking on the floor and then
a loud thud!
After a click, the door flings open and our
good old Asher comes standing tall. "You
should've called earlier," he grins.
I glance at the officer on the floor,
unconscious and drooling. I grin back at Asher,
"Thanks bro!"
Abby says the same.
"Don't mention it. Now let's go!"
*
When get home we see Lisa, Leo and aunt
Meg having a good laugh in the living room.
Lisa smiles at us, "What took you so long?"
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"We'll tell you later," says Abby, feeling
exhausted, "Here's your ring." She tosses it to
them and heads up the stairs, muttering about
how bad she needs a shower.
"It's okay I don't need it anymore," says
aunt. "Mrs. Gala doesn't even know where her
husband is! And to remember her bluff haha, it
makes me laugh."
"What?" I don't get it. We went through all
that and now she doesn't even need her ring
anymore?
Lisa holds the ring out and gives me a wink.
At first I don't get it and then it finally clicks.
She's done it with her uncommon sense again!
Just one problem: I'm a little behind and I
don't know what she's done!
*
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But in time I did. We're all at the Sandton
mall and Lisa's looking for the bear mascot. We
find him at Game, wagging his bushy tail and
advertising some dishwasher products.
"There he is, our answer," says Lisa.
I can't believe it.
At first sight I'm dumbstruck and trying to
see the scene in all of this.
"This is our answer?" says Leo.
"Who is it?" says Abby.
"The pickpocketing mascot," says Lisa.
"You're bringing Mrs. Gala all the way here
for him?" says Asher.
Lisa laughs. "Yes! He's her husband!"
"How'd you know?"
She tells us all about it while we wait for
Gala to arrive. It began at the salon with a look
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on Rachel's face that revealed the fact Gala's
bluffing about David was a lie. Her man didn't
come home anymore. Rachel later filled her in
on the truth that David still liked to play games
with money and Gala found the salon's
financial status was crumbling like an
avalanche. When she found out it was David
she kicked him out!
David went through a hard time, lost his job
and ended up being an advertising mascot at
Game. To get extra cash, he pickpockets to
earn enough to pay his rent.
"And when we met him in the streets," Lisa
adds, "He only wore the costume so aunt Meg
wouldn't recognize him."
But when Gala found out Meg was in town,
she felt she couldn't bear the embarrassment
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she'd get if Meg knew her husband no longer
came home. That's why she lied! And the
phonebook we got actually belonged to David
himself!
"But now aunt Meg knows the truth and
she won't bother Gala again. And Gala will be
one with her long lost man and will never be
mean to us. Everybody wins!" says Lisa.
Impressed? I am! And I stare at her grin,
wondering where on earth she got her
uncommon sense from!
"Clever!" says Asher.
"More than clever," says Abby.
"Brilliant!" says Leo.
Gala swings by, hurrying through with her
long coat, scanning around to see where we
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are. I can see she's anxious and still struck by
the good news.
She finally spots us close to a tower of toilet
paper. "Where is he?" she gasps.
"Right here," says Lisa, dialing a number
from the phonebook. "I believe he changed his
number."
"Yes he did," Gala gasps.
Lisa waits for David to pick up. The mascot
pulls out his phone from his pocket and
answers the call. Aunt Gala is startled!
"That's your man," says Leo.
"Oh my God!"
We laugh as she storms away to the mascot
and attacks him! "DAVID!" she screams out,
"YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!" They
wrestle like kids and crash into the shelves. The
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big boxes drop off and smash and their
contents fly across the floor! The shelves are
knocked down. Gala and David end up on the
floor, at the center of havoc and broken
household products. Gala rips the head off and
stares at her husband's eyes. They share a
moment of speechless emotions before
passionately kissing each other and acting all
sick on the floor, telling each other how bad
they miss the good times!
A true romantic movie moment well played
out. Leaving us smiling.
Oh well! All's well that end's well and this is
how things wrap up: Gala and aunt Meg are in
peace (aunty's only staying for three weeks
anyway), I get an A in art and history and so
does Abby for melted chocolate, Rachel gets
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her salary doubled and screams hallelujah, Leo
gets a date with the girl behind the counter at
Chocolate bank and Gala pays us a chocolate
buffet party over there and she brings her
husband along too! And I almost forgot to
mention what a lovely time the security is
having, locked up in a cupboard of the school
sauna!
I'm feeding Aisha this chocolate potato and
she won't stop licking my fingers! She says their
sweeter! Ha! Oh whatever... It's just a nice time
and I'm loving it! !
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7
THE DAY A BULLET GRAZED MY ASS
I have to admit, this week hasn't been the
best for us. It's like karma is having a biff with
my sisters.
I'm walking in the school hallway and it's
the first time at St. Godwin's not to have Lisa
around. She's home doing whatever. We came
with mom though and I'm walking right behind
her as she follows Abby to the principal's office
for a serious talk.
The secretary meets them at the door. "You
may come in." She gestures to the principal's
door.
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"Wish I could be there," I tell mom.
"Thanks, Alex but there's no need," she
replies and turns to Abby.
"I'll be okay," Abby tells me assuringly and I
turn back and go and sit on the waiting bench
outside.
Mdm. Olivia is hidden behind a newspaper
when my mom and Abby come in.
"Hello," says mom, kindly.
Mdm. Olivia lowers the paper to see her
guests. "Oh, it's you! I was expecting you."
"Like duh, obviously!" says Abby.
Mom shoots her a sharp look and Abby can
feel it.
"What was that?" says Mdm. Olivia, while
shifting her feet off her desk.
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"Oh nothing," says mom, nudging Abby in
the stomach, "She just has gas. She had a little
too much milk and beans in the morning."
Mom tries a fake smile at Mdm. Olivia who
nods back in empty understanding and zero
empathy. But she doesn't blame Abby for her
mood, like I said, it hasn't been the best of
weeks.
Mdm. Olivia clasps her hands together on
the desk, "I believe you're fully aware of why
I've called you here today."
"Yes," mom nods.
"Abby... Abby... Abby..." she shakes her
head, "We've been watching your daughter for
a few weeks now and it was hard to come up
with the decision, you see..."
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Mom nods, pretending to understand when
she knows she'd love to punch the coffee out
of her!
Mdm. Olivia goes on, "The thing is," she
purses her lips, "Abby can't continue to study
at St. Godwin. I believe you've acknowledged
her condition, we've taken the time to and we
think she'll do much better in a... better
school."
"A better school?" mom seems to be lost.
"A school for blind students. I hate to throw
this in your face but we have to face the facts,
they can't be ignored. Abby hasn't been doing
very well. She's having trouble coping with the
normal students and—"
"Hold on a sec!" mom sits up straight, "Are
you saying my daughter isn't normal?"
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"I didn't mean it that way—"
"What do the others have that my Abby
doesn't? Besides eyes. She's a good audible
learner just like her brother and she's done
quite well so far if you ask me!"
"Mrs. Cyprian, calm down. I only stand for
what's best."
"Just let my daughter study here, what
does it cost you?" mom's eyes become sad.
"What's wrong with Abby, she was just fine in
her former school."
"Mom, the former one wasn't really a
school," says Abby.
"It's just that she belongs somewhere
better. Where they can offer what St. Godwin
cannot."
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But I know Abby's tried! She never missed
out on P.E! She would always be in line wearing
her full basketball gear. She's really good at it.
We played a lot together with Asher, and the
others and even after she was blind she still
showed up in the court. In P.E she would
dribble blindly through, using only her ears.
Abby tried real hard to fit in but St. Godwin
was pushing her efforts away.
"But she's been no trouble," says mom.
Mdm. Olivia disagrees, "Yes, she has! And
it's the reason Lisa's suspended!"
"The dude tried to molest me!" Abby
blurts, uncomfortable with the accusations.
"Mike said he was simply asking you for his
pen back," the principal clarifies.
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"That's a clean edit version of the story!"
says Abby. "How would you feel if a dude
squeezed your ass!"
Mdm. Olivia slams her palm on the desk
and glares at Abby who blindly sits back
behind sunglasses, "I know Mike and he'd
never do such a thing!"
Mom slams her hand on the desk too and
fires up, "I know my daughter and she'd never
make up such a lie!"
"Please, let's calm down..."
I remember that incident. It happened
yesterday in the corridor during recess. Abby
was on her way to the Ladies when Mike
stopped her to ask for a pen. One problem:
Mike kinda likes Abby but can't say it and he
acts all clumsy around her.
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"Wait it's in my pocket," said Abby.
"I'll help you get it," said Mike. Before
Abby could say what, his hand was already in
her back pocket and he had trouble getting it
out. Abby screamed and started hitting Mike
with her backpack. It made it harder for Mike to
get his hand out of her pocket. Lisa came by
right away just to see Mike finally remove his
hand.
"Did you just!" she couldn't find the words
to say as she glared at Mike who stared back,
his knees shaking badly. He looked really
scared. She threw a punch and he ended up at
the nurse. One hour later, Lisa went home with
a three day suspension letter for defending her
sister and revering women's rights and dignity
in the face of cowards. Others understood it as
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immoral and disgraceful impulsive behavior
and a turn on for women violence in school.
Mom and Abby walk out of the office after
fifteen more minutes of arguing. By the look on
their faces it doesn't seem too bad.
"They're giving her a week to improve,"
says mom. "Or else she'll have to move."
"Improve what? She's doing fine?" I say.
Mom sighs and sits down beside me, "It's
just another way of saying in one week we want
Abby out of here."
Gulp. I swallow the truth in. Abby stands
arms-crossed and smiles weakly, "I'll be okay.
And we should really get going for class."
I get up and put my arm around her. "No,
Abby, it's time for a plan."
*
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I'm not hungry for school lunch. After
history, Aisha and I head down the corridor to
meet Abby coming out of her science class.
She's always wanted to be a movie director.
"So what're you guys gonna do?" says
Aisha.
"Don't know yet," I reply. I told her about
Abby's case during class. Abby comes our way
and I take her hand.
"So where do we lunch?" says Abby.
"The Park," I say.
"Without Lisa?" says Aisha.
"We'll meet there," I say. Karen will be
there too, to give her all she's missing. On our
way we pass by a poster on the wall. We stop
for a moment to read.
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Welcome all to the GrizzlyRap
competition scheduled this Friday! If you can
rap and you know you can rap real good
then sign up, do your thing and win 70,000
rand in cash...
"WOW!" Aisha can't believe what she just
read.
"GrizzlyRap? That sounds awful, couldn't
they call it something else?" says Abby.
Suddenly Leo comes round, looking
cheerful. "And don't miss my performance!"
What! Leo and GrizzlyRap? I'm utterly
confused.
"You signed up?" I ask.
"Well, hell yeah! Why not?"
"Since when do you rap?" I say.
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"Dude, I practice! And the people are
gonna love me!"
"Brag on, it's the swagg that counts in the
end," I say.
"Well," he cocks his head and puts a hand
on his heart, "I got what it takes."
Aisha and Abby laugh.
"We'll see you then," says Aisha.
"Make a fool of yourself," Abby adds and
laughs her head off!
"My own family makes fun of me! Well a
prophet has no fame in his own country!" Leo
stomps away to his locker, "And there're
tryouts at home-time in the MPH. Come cheer
for me!"
He tells us his stage name is Rappyboy.
Abby laughs at it. I doesn't sound bad to me
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but I can't help laughing along with Abby. It's
like a disease! When we get to Bull's Park we
tell Lisa the good news.
This is her reaction:
"WHAT! Leo! On stage! Rapping! I've got
to be there for that!" she laughs so hard she
spills her cranberry and stains her Physics
textbook. "Remember the time he was running
for Minister in fourth grade? He went on stage
and slipped! And when he was making his
speech, a crow flew in the window and
snatched his paper and he had to run after it.
Poor thing!" Lisa wipes her tears. But that's
what Leo got for writing down his speech in the
butchery because he didn't want anyone else
to read it. The crow must've picked up the
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meat stench from the paper and I guess that's
why it dived for it!
Leo sits aside, his hands cupped around his
ears so Lisa can't torment him with the ghosts
of his past.
"When you're done let me know. But when
I become a star I'll have the last laugh!"
"Don't worry lil brother, you've always been
our special star!" Lisa laughs on. I get her
another cranberry to keep the jokes cracking.
Lisa said she'd sneak in after school to watch
his first performance and then hopefully on
Friday night as well. She is so looking forward
to it!
*
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After classes everyone crowds into the
MPH. I'm still at the lockers and Aisha's tugging
on my arm.
"Let's go we're gonna be late for Leo," she
says. "Abby's already there!"
"Help me with this if you don't mind," I
hand her a pile of my books.
"You bring books to school...?" She peers
closer and sees something in my locker, "You
keep a basketball in there!"
"Sometimes," I shrug. I try to arrange my
stuff but Aisha gets impatient so she tosses my
books into the locker and slams it tight.
"There!" she pulls my hand and drags me
to the hall. We bustle our way through the
crowd until we get to the front where people
are cheering for HippyTunes as she raps. It's
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actually my friend Pizza and she's quite good at
it! Whipping her red hair as she lets the chorus
beats spin on the turntables before exploding
on the next verse.
Aisha crosses her arms and grins, "She's
good!"
Abby cups her ears from the fans
screaming. "I wanna hear Leo!" she says.
After HippyTunes comes down the stage,
Mike, the MC, takes the mic and announces the
next performer for the tryout session. "Let's
welcome onstage... Rappyboy!"
Oh, boy! Leo steps on stage with his
favorite jacket. Lisa shows up on time and gets
mixed with us in the crowd.
"Just in time!" she grins. Leo waves to the
audience and slips on stage with a thud.
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"He slipped again?" says Abby.
"Yeah," I reply sheepishly. It's happened
before! Everyone laughs!
Leo gets up, "Sorry about that." He
brushes his coat clean and the DJ picks up on
the beat again. "You ready?"
The crowd cheers and Leo begins to rap.
Abby frowns. She's first to accept the fact
he's not really good at it. Wrong beat if you ask
me.
The DJ tries to catch up with Leo but I
guess it's Leo who needs catching up.
Abby crosses her arms, "Will someone tell
him it's not 1980?"
"We'll break it to him easy at home," I say.
"So you're just gonna watch your bro get
booed at?" says Aisha.
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"No!" says Abby.
Lisa settles her hands on her waist and
sighs, "You know what the say, be the change
you wanna see!"
"Good point," says Abby. She walks away.
"Where are you going?" we ask.
"Onstage to save the family name!" she
shouts back. Oh boy! This is getting good!
Leo stops rapping when he sees Abby
come up stage. She strolls to him and takes the
mic.
"Sorry people, there's been a mistake,"
Abby announces, "I'm Rappyboy. Now let me
show you freaks what real rap music sounds
like!"
"Abby, what're you doing?" Leo whispers in
her ear.
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She whispers back, "I'm saving your ass
now get down." She turns to the DJ. "Hit it
boy, I'm popping already!"
Leo steps down unnoticed, everyone's got
their eyes on my sister. The beat is pounding in
the speakers, the tempo gets hot and she spits
like Nicki Minaj! She's a miracle!
"I can't believe your sis is this good!" says
Aisha. Neither can I and all Leo can do is stare.
Lisa is starstruck! She cups her hand around her
mouth in surprise as Abby rocks the stage!
"...I heard some penguins saying they're
hardcore, oh man what a joke.
Y'all lost this battle the moment I spoke.
You know my flow is showing you the door
Run while you can before I use you to wipe
the floor
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Hahaha, I'm having fun watching y'all suffer
Your minds are so slow, how much longer
till you buffer?
Meantime lemme lay down some facts
I'm the one who bit the apple off the Mac
Put the hip in the hop and the cool in that
Now bow down, y'all are at the presence of
the Queen of rap!"
It's an f-word free, freestyle and we're
loving it! She wins an enormous applause.
When she steps down she receives hugs from
everyone.
"That was awesome!" Lisa screams at Abby.
She blushes and I give her a hug. Lisa can't stay
long because it's risky for her to hang around at
school on a suspension. After a moment of
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applause for Abby we sneak out the crowd and
escort her out.
Outside, some girl I think I've seen before
comes and kisses Leo on the cheek.
"Hey, Kayla," says Leo.
"Kayla?" Abby scrunches up. She has no
clue who she is.
"I'm the one you see at Chocolate Bank,"
she explains. Oh I get it! She's the girl behind
the counter.
"Let me guess, you dropped out and now
you work there to survive?" says Abby. Kayla
looks offended and she doesn't hide it. Why
does Abby always have to pull the trigger!
"It's complicated," Kayla restrains her anger
and turns away.
"So you two are dating?" says Lisa.
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"Yeah! He's great! I'm sorry I missed your
performance, I was on my way but I got held
back," says Kayla.
"It's all right," says Leo. "There's still Friday
night."
"I'll be there," she kisses him again and
pulls him away. "But today we got our date."
"Right," Leo turns to us and waves, "Bye
guys!"
"Don't let her open your jeans, okay?" says
Abby. They pretend not to hear. I'm happy
Leo's moved on after his Facebook chick who
turned out to be... well you know the story. I
just hope Kayla's okay.
*
I head home with my sisters. Aisha comes
along too so we can do English together. We
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sit legs-crossed on the floor with our writing
pads and study material spread out between
us.
"You two look so cute," Lisa comes out the
kitchen and winks at me. What's she thinking?
"I agree, even I can see that!" says Abby.
She's being sarcastic again. Lisa drops us some
Cracker biscuits and skips to her room. After
five minutes Abby does the same, muttering
something about giving us room to make out.
When she's gone Aisha quickly grabs my
collar for attention. "I've got an idea!"
"For what?" I say.
"Abby's problem!" she whispers.
"Cool, let's her it!"
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"I just remembered the principal has a
hidden passion for Hiphop and rap music. And
today Abby was great on stage."
"Hold on," I think I know where she's
going, "You want Abby to sign up for
GrizzlyRap to impress the principal so she won't
get kicked out, right?"
She throws her arms up, "Exactly!"
I smile. "I like your idea. It's worth a try!
And Leo?"
"Leo can still go he's not going to stop
anything."
I think about it for a second, "But he needs
practice."
"Yeah," Aisha nods, "Lot's of it!"
After we're done with English I take Aisha
home. She lives half an hour away on foot. We
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pass by a store to grab a few snacks on the
way. Five minutes later we kiss at her doorstep
and I take a step back as she closes the door
behind her. When I get back home around
seven Leo comes back with Kayla.
I meet them in the living-room with mom
and Abby and Lisa. Asher had lots of practice
to do today and I guess he still must be out
with his friends.
"Hi, guys!" I wave.
"Hey!" they reply. I notice Lisa's sitting next
to mom like she's getting some serious
counseling from her. She gives me a funny look.
I smirk back. She's been receiving a
parental lecture. I wonder what it's about this
time.
"Lisa, are you all right?" I ask.
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Before she can say anything mom speaks
up first, "We were just discussing a few
problems we have here and we just found the
best solution!"
"What problem?"
"Lisa needs friends."
Lisa cuts in, "Mom, I do have friends."
"You mean Karen?" Abby grins.
"Abby, chill, you have issues of your own,"
mom snaps and turns back to me, "Lisa needs
friends and thank God Kayla came round to
help us with that."
"Mom, being totally frank, simple and
straight with people and having low tolerance
for nonsense doesn't mean I don't have any
friends," says Lisa.
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"Actually, it does," mom counters, "And
tomorrow you'll go to that sleepover with Kayla
and her gals and you'll have a blast!"
"I barely know them and I've got
homework, besides, I'm having a great time
here. I've got Ally, Asher, Leo, Abby, you, dad
and aunt... and the neighbors..."
Mom shoots a sharp hawk-eyed look at
Lisa, "Get packing, you'll be gone at noon.
And I want a list of all the friends you made,
their phone numbers, home addresses,
Facebook and Twitter accounts, emails and a
portfolio describing them!"
Sheesh! Why would Lisa get cranky over a
sleepover? It's the best thing she's been
offered this week. Well, I guess it's settled. I'm
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sure Kayla convinced mom to make her go with
her to that sleepover.
When everything's calm I pull Abby and
Lisa into the kitchen. Lisa's still blushing about
the whole sleepover thing.
"You were funny over there," says Abby.
"I'm sure Leo agrees!"
"We all have our days," Lisa giggles. I shut
the door.
"So what's up, Ally?" Lisa asks.
"Aisha gave me a great idea for Abby's
shit!"
"Let's hear it."
I tell them the plan and they seem to like it.
"Not bad," says Abby, "Guess I should get
ready."
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"And do help Leo out," Lisa mentions. "I'll
buy him an album by T.I. I hope he gets the
idea of what twenty-first century rap sounds
like!"
We leave the kitchen. Lisa explains the main
reason why she didn't want the sleepover was
so she wouldn't miss Leo's performance. She
sighs and says she'll just see it on YouTube
instead.
*
"Trust me, it'll be fun!" says Kayla at Mary's
doorstep. They traveled all the way to South
Johannesburg to get there.
Lisa shrugs, "Whatever. I'm just worried
about Leo."
"What happened?"
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"He woke up with a fever. He's not doing
so well," she explains. "How many are we?"
she asks.
"About seven in total," Kayla knocks on the
door.
"Great," Lisa mutters under he breath, "Me
and six strangers!"
When the door opens Lisa is greeted by the
other five with cheers and tight hugs and they
drag her into the kitchen.
"We're making a pie!" says one. Kayla
shares Lisa a smile and winks.
"Yeah, we make lots of those at home,"
Lisa rolls her eyes and notices the oven's
preheated to five hundred degrees fahrenheit,
"And we don't incinerate them."
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"Ooops!" one of the girls with blue dyed
hair turns down the heat. "But I'm sure you'll
love our pie."
Mary turns to Lisa, "We're gonna have a
blast! Kayla's told us all about you. We're so
happy to finally see you! I hope you're exited
too!" Mary clasps her hands together,
searching Lisa's eyes to see if she's happy or
anything.
Lisa sighs and rolls her eyes again. She
takes off her backpack and pulls out a writing
pad and a pen. "All right, let's get this over
with," she says frankly, simple and straight,
"Your names and contacts, please."
*
"Abby!" I call the moment I lay eyes on her.
She's at her locker, putting back her books. I
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follow her. Aisha tags behind me. Abby turns
around with a sad look.
"Bad news," she says.
"Did you sign up?" we ask.
"That's the bad news. I couldn't. The
deadline was yesterday," she says grumpily.
She crosses her arms and pouts, "I'm out of
this school!"
I sigh. Aisha places a hand on my shoulder
and purses her lips.
"What are we gonna do?" I wonder. "Wish
Lisa were here."
Abby smiles, "Yeah, she can come up with
anything! I hope Leo's doing fine. He said he
might come after lunch if he feels okay."
Aisha chuckles, "He doesn't want to miss
the competition."
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Just then Mike comes by. "Hi, guys."
"Hey," I reply.
"Coming back to touch my boobs this
time?" says Abby, "You might find an eraser."
Mike grits his teeth shyly, "It was an
accident."
"You're lucky, the whole school believes
that."
He beams at her, "I'm serious. And I'm
sorry."
Abby bites her lip for a while before letting
out a hand for a shake, "Okay, I go over the
cliff a lot but I don't hold grudges. Go in
peace."
"Thank you, but I came for you."
"Me? Why?"
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"The principal asked me to call for you. She
says it's urgent." Abby immediately runs off.
Mike goes after her. "Wait, I can help walk you
there."
"Don't need any," says Abby. We follow
behind and wait outside the secretary's office.
Abby walks in and gets directed into the
principal's office. Aisha and I nervously wait
outside. Abby's never been called before like
this.
"Please, have a seat," the principal
gestures to the chair in front of Abby. She sits
down and waits. "Uh-hem," Mdm. Olivia clears
her throat, "Your mother called. She said Leo
won't be able to come today at all."
"He's ill," says Abby.
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"Yes, that's what she said and she also
asked if you could take his place as Rappyboy
tonight?"
"What?" Abby can't believe her ears.
Mdm. Olivia repeats the question, "Will you
take his place?
"Of course!"
The principal smiles, "They told me you
wouldn't disagree. I just don't get it. I never
knew you could..."
"I could rap?" Abby chuckles.
"Exactly! I never knew personally, a rapper
who was blind."
"You do now!"
Mdm. Olivia smiles, "Learning institutions
always have these sports scholarships, I think
music scholarships need to be emphasized too.
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I heard what you did yesterday, talents like
what you have shouldn't be wasted. I think St.
Godwin can help you with that."
Abby walks out of the office and throws her
hands into the air, "YES!"
"What happened?" we ask.
She tells us the great news that she's
staying! Thank God Leo has a fever. Now all
Abby's got to do is perform tonight. Easy as
pie!
*
And speaking of pie, it doesn't taste too
bad for Lisa. In fact, she likes it. "Hmm... this is
great!" she says, staring at her empty saucer
and wishing she had more. They're hanging out
in Mary's bedroom.
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"I told you you'd love it," says the girl with
the blue hair.
"Uh.. sorry, what's your name again?"
Kayla whispers, "Her name's Gabriel."
"So do you watch any movies?" Lisa tries to
be more social. She's been the cold shoulder
to them for quite a while. "I noticed the Barney
and Friends DVD downstairs. You still watch
that show?"
"No, they're my sister's. But we got
movies," says Mary.
"Like?"
"Porn."
Lisa cringes. Albeit she tries to stick to her
be-more-social approach. "I wasn't expecting
that. But we're all girls and I guess it wouldn't
be too bad."
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"That's the whole point," Mary tosses her a
DVD and Lisa's face drops the moment she
sees the cover. "It's lesbian porn, the latest."
Lisa looks like she wants to cry. This thing
smacked her right in the face! She's utterly and
totally revolted. She raises a suggestion to,
"How about we go back to baking pies?"
*
When we get home we meet Leo in bed.
He's got a mean headache and he's grateful
Abby's taking his spot.
"Don't mention it," she says modestly, "I've
got good news." She tells mom and Leo about
how the principal let her stay at school because
of participating in GrizzlyRap.
Mom bursts out with gladness, "Then you
better get ready for your performance!"
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Abby heads up the stairs, "I am. Alex, come
help me with the costume."
She tries out different clothes, plowing
through her entire wardrobe until we finally nail
the perfect match. She wanted something cool,
new and simple and a black leather coat
assorted with zippers around her torso that
doubles as a dress just does it right.
Later on we bounce to the salon to get her
hair done and I sit on the bench until she's
ready. Whatever time that will be. So for the
meantime, I relax behind the newspaper, read
some junk and let time fly.
*
Lisa drags Kayla into the kitchen. Kayla
can't blame Lisa for getting upset.
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"This was supposed to be a sleepover!"
Lisa starts, "I was supposed to meet friends,
not homosexuals!"
"Lisa, calm down," says Kayla. "They're not
that bad. They made pie."
"Thank God not with condoms!"
Kayla sighs and shuts the kitchen door
tight. They wouldn't hear anyway, not with all
their screaming. She takes a step forward, "I
guess you're mad at me."
Lisa sighs, "I'm not mad at you, I just feel
like this isn't where I'm supposed to be."
"How about this, we can go have dinner at
a restaurant and you can sleep at my place,"
says Kayla.
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"Not a bad idea. I'll tell Leo. I've been
filling him on what's happening here. You know
he gets bored being sick in bed."
"He won't perform, right?"
"No, he won't-hold on! I don't like how you
asked that question!"
"W-what's wrong?"
Lisa beams at her seriously. "You're
question was negative. Meaning, you have a
negative idea. But you said it positively so I
guess you have a good intention."
Kayla shakes her head, "You're confusing
me, why don't we just leave." She starts for the
door but Lisa pulls her back.
"What did you do to my brother?"
Lisa fixes a stare. Kayla's pulse quickens and
her eyes flash some guilt back at Lisa. She
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looks away but she knows it's too late. She's
been caught. "I can explain but please don't
be mad."
"Explain then," says Lisa, still shooting laser
beams at her, "I'm all ears."
*
Abby climbs backstage. She blindly waves
back at me, Aisha and Asher. The crowd is so
alive and stirred up with excitement.
"This way," Aisha grabs my hand and drags
me closer to the middle of the stage. She's
good at navigating crowded places. Asher's a
giant basketball player so he has no trouble
stomping his way through.
We're at school for the GrizzlyRap
competition and the music is blaring loud and
it's making me so anxious. The principal's
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somewhere behind the crowd looking all exited
and cheerful too.
"She does love Hiphop," I admit.
Aisha turns back to see her too, "Just like I
told ya."
Mike, the MC, comes onstage and stirs us
up, "Can I have a cheer for GrizzlyRap
tonight?"
Everyone yells back in applause.
"Can I have cheer for the principal who is
the reason why this show is on tonight?"
We all yell back cheering.
"And can I have a cheer for our rappers
behind the stage?"
The MPH turns into yells and screams and
applause. We're all stamping our feet to cheer.
"And can I have a cheer for Mike, the MC?"
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The crowd replies, "BOOOOOOO!"
Mike blushes the embarrassment away and
announces the first rapper. Karen. She stomps
onstage and does her thing. She raps real fast
and I start thinking about Abby and how she
might be doing backstage.
I nudge Aisha for her attention, "Hey, I'm
gonna check up on Abby. Some last minute
encouragement."
"Oh, you go do that. I'll be right here
waiting for you," she smiles back.
"Thanks." There's no one as understanding
as Aisha. Except my sisters. I bustle through the
crowd and get to the stairs. I climb my way
backstage.
Wow!
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It's full of performers, flaunting their swagg.
I see Abby standing alone in the midst of them.
She notices my footsteps when I walk to her
and she says my name.
"I'm here," I reply. "You okay?"
She smiles, "Yeah, I'm fine. I even learned
something new."
"Really? What?"
"One of the school's student requirement is
a lousy sense of creativity," she hears me laugh,
"Seriously. Resident Bush, Tom Bruise, Powerpuff rappers, Busta Lines, Albert Fine-steine,
Singerella, the Gingerbread Gang, Cheese
Pizza?"
I throw my hands on her shoulders, "Don't
worry, Rappyboy will make it!"
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"They do it for the money, I'm just doing it
so I can stay in school. Come to think of it,
Rappyboy doesn't sound too bad after all," she
chuckles. She looks so sweet, I give her a nice
hug.
"Thanks for that," she says behind my back.
"I needed it."
"Anytime sis! You'll be hot!"
And like always, she gives the same cute,
confident answer, "I know!"
*
"OH MY GOD! KAYLA HOW COULD YOU
NOT LET ME KNOW!" Lisa yells. She's totally
shocked from what Kayla just told her.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know there would be a
replacement for Leo," Kayla jogs behind Lisa as
she runs around the street looking for the
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closest pay-phone since her cell just ran out of
charge. "Are you mad?"
Lisa finally arrives at a pay-phone and with
all her anxiety, she almost knocks it off the wall.
She glares back at Kayla, "You've absolutely no
idea of what I'm feeling. Can't you see how
much trouble Abby's in?"
Lisa punches in a phone number. She's
drenched in sweat from panic (oh yeah, she
sometimes gets panic disorder) and is
extremely worried. "Come on, come on!" she
mutters impatiently.
"I didn't know Abby would take his place!"
Kayla cries. "I had a different plan."
Lisa shoots her back a mad look, "First, you
drug my brother, then you tangle me into a
crazy sleepover with a bunch of lesbians who
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think I'm weird because I've had it with a guy,
then you keep an awful truth away from me and
now things could go horribly bad, and I'm not
sure if I'll go home and meet my sister!"
"I'm sorry—"
"I swear if anything happens to Abby, only
God knows what I'll do!" Lisa grits her teeth in
a horrible fit as the other end finally picks up
and says hello.
I'm back in the crowd when I get a call from
an unknown number. It's so noisy I can barely
hear the ringtone. Thank God for vibration.
"Hello?" I greet.
"Alex, it's Lisa. Is Abby onstage?" she
sounds extremely anxious.
"No, but she's next."
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"She can't perform. Make sure you stop her
or else she'll get killed!"
"What the!"
"I know, just do it and save her life! Hurry!"
There's so much urgency in my sister's voice
that I don't doubt it. HippyTunes leaves the
stage, the crowd cheers behind her back.
Mike comes up to announce the next
rapper, "And now, let's have a shot from our
very beloved, Rappyboy!"
Shit! The crowds bursts into applause as I
push my way through. I feel like I've lost my
mind! People stumble over and fall as I force
through and finally get to the stairs. The
curtains pull open in the middle. Oh God,
please help! Not Abby, not our dear Abby! I
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bounce onstage just in time as Abby appears
to the crowd and I launch myself at her!
I fly in the air, put my arms around my sis
and crash down with her just as a gunshot
explodes and I feel a terrible sharp burning
sensation off my ass!
The MPH goes into chaos and everyone
rolls their heads back to figure out who shot. In
a burst of fear they are running for the exits.
"What happened?" says Abby. I pull her
backstage behind the curtain.
"I don't understand but someone tried to
kill you!" I feel my behind and notice there's a
hole in my short where the bullet came through
and nearly found it! So this is what it feels like
to be LUCKY!
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I peek at the crowd and notice two guys
running. It just might be them! A security officer
notices one of the douchebags and lands on
him like a tiger, unforgivably burying him under
a mass of belly fat! The other peels around the
corner of the latrines and is hunt down by
another security until he gets caught.
I remain backstage with Abby. Aisha and
Asher climb up too and I'm so glad they're
okay. I tell them about the phone call from Lisa.
Asher shakes his head, "Wicked!"
"Totally wicked," I add.
The police arrive in a couple and the two
guys get dragged in their cars. We watch from
the MPH doorway as the police cruisers drive
away. Their red and blue lights flashing around
the school compound and illuminating our
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faces. It would be Christmas if we were singing
carols. (I know I'm nostalgic).
"Teenage killers are just too easy," says the
security as he walks by. "They don't know how
to be psychological."
The principal suddenly hugs him and thanks
him for the great work done while he acts
modest. I sigh in relief when Lisa finally steps
into the MPH. She's shivering and looks so pale
like she's seen a ghost in the Ladies room.
Abby hears her footsteps and runs to her.
"Abby!" Lisa screams and drops her
backpack to give her a hug! They look so great
together! We walk to her as a wave of relief
calms her down.
Kayla walks in too, rubbing her knuckles
together and slowly approaching Lisa. "She's
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okay... thank God!" She sounds kind of weird to
me.
Lisa smiles back and hugs her too. "And
thank you too for being so honest!" She comes
and throws hugs at all of us. Her tears
streaming to her smile. It must've been hard for
her.
"The bad boys are at the PD," says Asher.
"That's good to hear," says Lisa. "And
speaking of boys, there's one more who needs
my hug!"
We go home and meet Leo in his room.
"Did you win?" is his first question. His eyes
tell us he's been expecting some good news.
Lisa gives him a hug. We all do.
"No," Abby finally answers his question and
Lisa tells us why. It's one crazy story!
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This is what happened: Kayla was kinda like
a two timer. She was dating Leo when she
hadn't officially broken up with her boyfriend,
Tom. When Tom found out he was so mad he
wanted to kill Leo and planned to do it at
GrizzlyRap. He asked around and got the info
and had his plans all set. He didn't know what
Leo looked like so when Rappyboy would step
onstage, he'd fire!
Fortunately for us, Lisa cornered Kayla who
told the truth and coincidentally, Abby had
taken Leo's place and she could've been dead
if it wasn't for... I don't know. Thank God!
Anyway, this is how it all wraps up: Abby
stays, Leo gets better, Lisa's suspension is over
so we're all back in school together. Hurray!
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Leo still dates Kayla and this time there's no
death risk because Tom is behind bars.
HippyTunes wins the 70,000 rand. Abby missed
her performance at GrizzlyRap so we made up
for it by going to a rap karaoke party at Bull's
Park late at night. We even invited the principal
and how could she ever resist?
She's having a blast! We all are! Abby's
onstage with Leo and the duo is awesome! Our
whole family goes on stage and we dance
behind them. Bull takes the opportunity to
stand close to Mdm. Olivia who rocks to the
music. We're all together and having a blast
and Lisa doesn't have to worry about lesbians
and condom pie! She's got family and that's
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8
HOW I CRASHED OUR SPORTS-CAR IN THE
MAYOR'S POOL
It's one of those days when I prefer to be
on my own for a while. We all need a little time.
So I decide to head down to Chocolate Bank. I
sit alone at a small round table close to the
counter and can't help noticing how small scale
things are. The tables are small, the chairs are
small and a lot of fat people are having a hard
time with the seats.
An obese woman is trying to balance on
her cheeks on her chair. She looks around to
see if anyone's staring at her and notices a
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smirk on my face. She smiles back shyly and
waves. "Quite hard to sit on these, huh?" she
says.
I turn away. Weird moments! I'm sitting
perfectly fine but I don't blame her. I ignore the
whole situation and grab myself a newspaper
as I wait for my chocolate ice-cream.
Kayla comes to drop it on my table.
"Thank you," I smile.
She smiles back, "You're welcome... umm,
can we talk?"
"Uh," I guess she won't take long, "Okay."
"Thanks," she sits down. She looks kinda
exited. I'm thinking she's going to ask for a
favor. "I heard you're great in history."
"Oh, that. Yeah, I'm good," I'm not
bragging, it's true.
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"I need your help with something," she
pulls out her phone and shows me a photo. It's
a picture of an eagle on a guy's shirt. "Some
guy came in a few minutes ago to buy icecream. He looked like Jack Sparrow so I
snapped a photo of him and noticed the cool
picture on his shirt. My boss says it's an Aztec
symbol."
I give it a look. "Aztecs as in the first to ever
discover chocolate?"
"Exactly, so do you recognize the symbol?"
I zoom in to get a better look and instantly
remember all about it. "To start with, it's not a
symbol, it's an Aztec tattoo."
"Wow!"
I explain it to her, "Notice the head points
west, it's beak is open and the feathers on it's
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head are sticking out? That's Aztec! The eagle
was tattooed on warriors as a sign of strength,
based on the natural eagle."
"Awesome! And the Aztecs discovered and
enjoyed chocolate as a beverage centuries ago
like how we enjoy hot chocolate today," she
grins.
"And then Spanish conquerors came to
Latin America and took cocoa beans with them
and made chocolate of their own. Over the
years it's been modified with technology to
make the sweet chocolate we have today."
"And now everyone all over the world can
have chocolate," says Kayla.
"Well, to the Aztecs, chocolate was a very
sacred and luxurious drink. It was for very
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special occasions and highly respected. They
didn't enjoy it as freely as we do today."
Kayla gives it a thought, "I never knew it
was that sacred!"
I smile and pick a napkin. I take out my pen
and write: the cocoa plant~theobroma cocoa.
"It means Food of the gods. Very sacred!"
Kayla nods her head, "And does it mean
chocolate has any supernatural powers?"
I smirk and chuckle, "Where did that come
from?"
She clarifies, "I mean, if they considered it a
food of their gods as if it was mana from
heaven or the holy Eucharist to Catholics today
I mean... maybe before the Spanish changed
the original Aztec recipe for chocolate which
was holy..."
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"Okay okay I get it what you mean.
Chocolate does do things other foods can't
do."
"Like?" she looks anxious to know.
"With over three hundred minerals eating
chocolate can actually give someone the
feeling of falling in love. It just activates
hormones," I take a spoon of my chocolate icecream and stick it in her mouth, "And if you let
it melt, it gives similar reactions in your mouth
to that of passionately kissing. Come to think of
it, it could all explain why the whole world is
craving for chocolate!"
Kayla laughs. She looks really impressed.
"Thanks, that's exactly what I needed for my
business plan!"
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What? I don't get it. "But chocolate is big
business already?"
Kayla grins mischievously, "Not in it's
ancient recipe! The holy one inspired by Aztec
gods and goddesses."
"Oh my God!" I suddenly realize what
Kayla's about to do. And it's wicked!
"But I'm doing this to help my brother," she
says and explains her problem. Her brother got
caught in a fight because of some bastard who
tried to steal his girlfriend's purse and Kayla
needed money to bail him out. Some guy
called Simon lent her some cash and she needs
to pay him back pronto!
"But do you really think it's gonna work?" I
ask her.
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She laughs, "You kidding? The whole world
says you can't buy true love and we're going to
break that rule. And we'll be legendary!"
I smile. It's cool. WHAT! HOLD ON... "Did
you say WE?"
*
The Aztecs too, were against the rest of the
world in some ways. You say money doesn't
grow on trees? You're wrong! The Aztecs used
cocoa beans as their currency too so money
did grow on trees. And love can now be
bought from Chocolate Bank.
I'm telling you, it's crazy! Kayla thinks she
found out an Aztec recipe for chocolate and
that combined with today's flavors makes her
think she can sell love in chocolate!
And I must admit, it worked!
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I'm at school with my family and Aisha and I
promised Kayla I'd bring my cell so she could
text me. I take my phone out the locker and
find her message:
It's WORKED! Dan said
Daisy won't let go
of him!
"What does she say?" Abby is so anxious to
know. I told her all about Kayla's plan at home.
"It worked for Dan!"
"Wow!" says Abby, "This stuff is sacred!"
"She wants me to come today."
"Why?"
"She says I'm the charming face so I should
interact with customers, hear their problems
and hand them the chocolates of love!"
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Abby gives it a thought, "You don't like
that?"
"I like it but it's taking my time."
Abby rubs my shoulder, "You're helping her
out, remember? You're just being a friend and
this will only last a few days until she gets the
money she needs to pay Simon."
I guess Abby's right. We go lunch in the
canteen and Aisha comes by with a huge grin
on her face.
"What's up?"
She sits beside me, "What do you mean
what's up? Don't you want to see me happy?"
She gives me a kiss and then pulls out
some small poster from her bag. "It's about an
Apartheid play to be held in the theaters and
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I'm so exited. Five days, five plays! You'll come,
right? It's just after school."
"Uh..." Oh no! Kayla's also asked me to
help her out. "Sorry, I can't. I'm a bit
occupied."
"Oh," she turns away and puts the poster
back in her bag. Man, I don't want to make her
sad.
"But I'll come for the last fifteen minutes if I
can. I'll even take you home."
She smiles again, "Well it's better than
nothing."
I kiss her again. She's really understanding.
I go to the counter to get a drink and Abby
quickly follows behind me. She nudges me so
hard I almost drop my can of soda.
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"Alex, are you sure of what you're doing?"
she says.
"I think so," I reply.
"You can't be at two places at once. You
need to set your schedules right! You don't
want to make Aisha mad."
True but funny. Most of the times Abby has
these little arguments with Aisha and now she's
caring about her.
"I'll leave the Chocolate Bank in time."
"Alex, you need a car!" she says. I think
about it. I know she's right. And I like the idea
too. Kayla will be happy, Aisha will be happy,
and I'll be happy! Everybody wins! I hope...
*
I pull over at Chocolate Bank after school.
Asher let me use the yellow sports-car for the
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week! I was so excited when he handed me the
keys.
He looked at me brotherly and said, "Don't
sweat it, boy. Give Aisha a nice ride home if
you know what I mean!" he laughed.
"Oh, I'll take her home!" I said.
Lisa was standing in the doorway and
shaking her head, laughing. "Boys!"
Asher and Lisa then had this funny
argument over who's my best influence. I guess
that solves my time problem.
When I walk into the chocolate bar Kayla
comes out of nowhere and pulls me to a table.
"You're late! Clients are desperate!"
"Actually I'm ten minutes early."
She forces me into a chair and leaves for
the kitchen. Sheesh. I'm not even getting paid
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for this! Just helping out. I'm like, screw
courtesy but karma pays so I chill and act nice.
And guess who the first client is? Mr. Bull!
He comes over, pulls a chair and sits down.
"They say you do magic," he says with a
grin full of dirty mischief.
"It was Kayla's idea, I'm just helping her," I
say. "So, you found a new girl?"
Bull laughs and his teeth shine at me, "No
way. My heart belongs to Olivia!"
Talk about falling in love with the principal!
Bull sits straight, "Johnny said the
chocolate works wonders! I always knew this
was where the world was heading. We had the
technology!"
"Thanks to history," I counter.
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"Yes yes, history's important too. So, how
much do these love bars cost?"
Our payment rule is different, "After you're
satisfied with results you pay whatever you
like."
"Really?"
"Yeah, really!" I nod. I told Kayla that's the
trick to make more money. People pay more
than what you would have priced for if you let
them have it for free and give your product
time to put a real smile on their faces!
I order a love bar and Kayla drops it at our
table. Bull grabs it and sticks it in his pocket, "I
guess I'll be going now. Thanks again!"
I shake his hand, all part of the client
friendly stuff and he leaves. He calls me at
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midnight to tell me he just had a blast! I hate
being woken up in the middle of the night.
"Do you know what time it is?" I tell him
after snatching my phone from my desk,
holding back the urge to curse.
"I just couldn't wait another minute to thank
you for the great time I had!"
I moan, "Don't mention it, I'm trying to get
some sleep!"
See, satisfied customers pay more and Bull
drops his whole wallet the next day at the
counter and leaves with three more love bars.
Going to Chocolate Bank for this business
is now part of routine.
I'm sitting at the table waiting for my next
client and here comes the big momma who
was having trouble with the chair the other day.
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At first sight she takes up my whole range of
vision. I swear it's like being lost at sea and
floating over the waters while staring at a
battleship coming straight for you.
She pulls a chair, sits down and smiles at
me. I feel so sorry for that chair she's sitting on
right now! Okay Alex... time to act nice.
"How may I help you?" I ask.
She romantically plays with a strand of her
hair while giving me a shy look.
"Let's put it this way," I say, "You can have
a Love-bar, or a Love-shake, or a Love-cream." I
show her the special menu on my table. "Your
choice!"
I try to smile but I can't do this fake thing.
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The big momma dips her finger in some
Love-cream and licks it while staring at me. She
moans to the taste. "It's really good."
"Kayla's the wiz!" I say.
"It takes just like you."
"Sorry?" I hope she didn't say what I think
she did.
She grabs my hands and pulls them closer
like she wants to rip them out of their sockets!
"I think I like you!"
I pull my hands free, "Woman! I'm barely
half your age!"
She stands up, and her chair flies away,
"Love knows no age!"
"What the!"
She asks me for a kiss and I know I'm too
young to die. I shouldn't have let her taste the
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chocolate in front of me! I immediately run out
and let the glass door swing behind me.
"Wait! Come back!" she yells. Sorry, big
momma, I am not coming back to YOU! I jump
into my sport-car just as I hear glass shatter! I
turn around and see big momma running for
me with bits of glass on her clothes and I
realize she just burst through the door! Holy
crap! I start the car and get out of there.
Day three.
Today I'm hoping for a customer who won't
fall madly, incredibly, abnormally, irresistibly
and accidentally in love with me. I've had a
couple of good clients and I'm looking forward
to more good, self-conscious ones. They are
much less trouble.
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A guy with a black silk jacket, wearing a
gold watch and a huge bandana around the
neck steps in and takes a seat at my table. He's
thin and the grey hair tells me he's a bit old. He
sniffs the chocolate aroma of the Bank and
turns to me, his eyes hidden behind super-dark
sunglasses. He looks gangster-like but by the
way he walked in you can tell he's totally not
gangster material.
"They call you the Chocolate Prince of
Sandton," he starts. Yes, the folks have given
me a title for my services.
"Yeah, that's what the call me these days," I
nod and let out my hand for a shake, "But you
can call me Alex."
"I know who you are. I just want a package
so I can go." he ignores my hand.
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"Hmm, okay. So how do you like it? In a
drink? A bar? Milkshake? Ice-cream?" I show
him what we have on the menu while gesturing
to the real items on the counter.
"I'll have the drink," he's quick with his
decision. I don't like his attitude. He's too
quick. And the disguise isn't right. Gangsters
don't wear army boots!
Kayla soon comes with a bottle of her love
potion. The old man snatches it and grins.
"Thank you!" A silver tooth shows and I
suddenly realize who he is!
"Aren't you the priest!" I blurt out from
shock.
"Shhh!" he presses a finger on his lips,
"What's wrong with you kid? You want the
whole world to know?"
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"Sorry, I was just shocked. The disguise and
the bandana, the glasses..."
"Listen kid, you shut it, and I'll pray for you
so much you'll make out with the hottest chick
in the galaxy. Deal?"
I give it a thought, "If you'll at least tip me
on who you're hitting on."
He sighs and throws his arms up, "Sister
Maria. But shush!"
Lord have mercy on our trespasses. Let's go
back to the part when we stand up before
everyone and declare from the bottom of our
hearts it's everyone's right to be loved.
Day four.
This time my client's a handsome guy who
wears no smile. Just a smirk. But at least it's not
the president disguised as a fashion designer.
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He takes a seat nice and easy and this time my
client shakes my hand.
"Name's Hans."
"I'm Alex."
He crosses his legs, "I've heard of you and I
thought I could use your help with a special
someone."
"You've come to the right place," I smile.
"You know what I think of love, I thinks its
the most beautiful thing in the universe. Can
you imagine life without falling in love? Life
would be—"
"Woah, woah, woah, hold on Mr., forget
the poetry and keep it short. If you like, we can
go straight to the magic chocolate and you
don't even have to share your failing love life
with me."
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"Oh," he sits straight. "It's just that nobody
understands me and I'm only looking for
someone who will give me their
understanding."
He sounds pitiful with his French accent.
Must be from up west or somewhere in the
middle of Africa.
I guess I just have to listen to customer
care, "Okay, I understand."
His eyes light up and he looks cheerful. "I
told Francis someone would understand our
relationship!"
"What? You're... okay. Can guys really fall in
love with each other?" I ask. It seems people
pushed him away for that.
"Who said anything about guys?" he
replies.
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Okay, he's confusing me now. One minute
he's gay, the next he's not.
"You mentioned Francis," I remind him.
"Francis is my dog."
My face cringes. I feel like crying! I do not
understand this guy! HIS DOG! Oh God, we
need grace! I excuse myself and run to the
Men's to wash up. Some people need to get a
love-life!
I pick up Aisha from the theatre. She's glad
I'm driving her home. She sits and tells me all
about the play. Sometimes I wish I could be
there but the love business is taking my time
bad. I swear this is the last week I'm helping
out Kayla. The clients are unpredictable! One
girl snatched some chocolate and tried to get
me to swallow it so I'd fall in love with her.
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"So, will you come tomorrow, it's the final
play and I'd love you to be there with me," she
says. She looks all cute and it's making me
slushy and stuff. I don't want to say no.
"Of course, I'll come early enough to catch
on."
"Thanks!" she throws her arms around me
and plants a kiss on my cheek. "I knew you'd
come around."
I hope I do!
I go home and tell Abby. I've told her just
about everything this week. She's been curious
about my clients. She really cracked up on the
big momma and the mayor who wanted his
daughter to fall in love with the guy he wanted.
Parents!
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"Well, if you're going with Aisha tomorrow
you've got to make it," says Abby, sitting on
the couch with a bowl of popcorn. I sit beside
her, exhausted.
"I guess I've gotta ditch Kayla for a day,"
it's a sad thought.
"Don't. Go and give out those chocolates
real quick and come back in time for the play."
Abby's idea isn't bad.
"Thanks, I'll do that."
"Anytime bro."
And once again I pull over at Chocolate
Bank but today I sense something wrong. The
Bank is crowded with customers and they all
look mad. I walk inside and to my complete
shock, I recognize them all. They're my clients!
"You!" a guy points at me.
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"What's wrong?" I shrug.
A woman grabs my arm and drags me to
the middle. She looks real mad too. It's being
surrounded by mad zombies!
"Your chocolate didn't work!" she
complains.
"But you guys paid and said you were
happy."
"It only lasted a few days and now Irene
wants to divorce me!" someone complains.
"So what do you want?"
"We want our refund!" they yell! Kayla
receives the cash, she's got the list. But man,
this is bad! They're all so pissed.
"Do something prince!" a man sneers.
"I am," I pull out my phone and Skype call
Kayla.
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"Hello?"
There's something eerie about her voice.
She sounds innocent.
"Kayla where are you?"
"What's wrong?"
"Our clients say the love chocolate thing
didn't work long enough and now they want a
refund! Get over here!"
"I can't, I'm on holiday in Australia."
"What? Where d'you get the money?"
"A rich man was so happy he dropped a
whole bag of money for me. I paid Simon
already anyway so we can stop this love stuff."
I don't believe her! How could she double
cross me?
"What time is it over there?" I ask.
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"Umm... I don't have my watch on right
now—"
I go for the door behind the counter and
open wide and guess what? She was hiding
here the whole time!
"Kayla!"
She hangs up and pouts, looking sad and
annoyed.
"I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do. I
paid Simon all the cash and I don't have
enough to refund these freaks!"
"So what am I gonna tell them?"
"I don't know ask Lisa, she can think up
anything." Even Kayla knows that! I sigh. What
now, what now? A thought comes to me...
"Bingo!" I say just like Lisa.
"What?"
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"Leave it to me," I say and I return to our
clients-turned-freakazoids.
"Well?" says an impatient old man.
"No refund!" I declare.
They all start complaining again.
A big guy grabs my shoulders and stares at
me like I'm meat, "We want the refund!"
I spit in his face. "That's your refund!"
"What!" he steams up and lifts me up
toward the fan. "And here's what you get!"
I shout for help as loud as I can!
"Let him go!" yells the big momma.
"Or what?" says the big guy.
"He wants to kill me," I tell her. She
transforms into burst mode and rams him like a
bear! I fall to the floor as big momma wrestles
the other dude. The rest run out and scream.
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It's chaos! And it's my chance too. I run out,
get into my car and drive off as it begins to
rain.
*
I arrive at the theatre but I'm just too late.
The refund thing held me back. It's raining
outside and I find Aisha standing all alone on
the curb. I wonder what she's doing in the rain.
I pull over and open the door.
"Get in," I say. She looks completely wet.
"No, you come out," she says.
"Can't you see it's raining?" I tell her.
"No, Alex," she shakes her head sadly, "It's
worse than that!"
I get out the car and stand with her in the
rain. "I'm sorry I missed the play."
"Plays," she corrects me.
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"The plays."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
She laughs a sad sarcastic laugh, "Mr. Bull
came with the principal today to watch the play
and when we met we talked... I'm talking about
the stupid, lousy love scheme you're working
on with Kayla!"
I sigh. "Aisha, it's a bit complicated. Kayla
has issues, I only wanted to—"
"And what do I have? A guy who can't even
show up for me but shows up for tons of clients
who need a little spark in their love-lives.
Ironically, the famous Chocolate Prince of
Sandton just lost his!"
She stomps away but I grab her wet arm.
"Aisha wait—"
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"Fuck! Boy, we're over!"
"Aisha!" I just don't know the words to say.
She stares at me as I collapse and she knows
I'm speechless.
"I bet I wasn't even in love with you," she
says, "I think it was just chocolate!"
"Aisha wait!"
She hurries and boards the next bus. I stare
at it leaves. I'm totally heart-broken! And yes,
it's ironic that my own love life has just gone
down the drain.
*
It's a good thing I've got family to help
dilute the pain I'm feeling. I'm with Abby, Asher
and Lisa and we're sitting on the stairs,
listening to my failing love life.
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"And she thinks she doesn't love you?"
says Lisa.
"She thinks Alex used the chocolate trick
on her," Asher explains for me.
"She's just mad," I tell them.
"You're right," says Abby. "She is mad. I
don't mean insane, I meant literally, mad." It's
funny Abby had to clarify that.
"I just don't get how I could be such a
jerk!"
"It's okay, Al. Shit happens even when we
try to be nice. But we shouldn't forget to be
careful too," says Lisa.
"I didn't lie to her," I say.
"But you weren't open about you and Kayla
and you missed those plays," says Lisa. "That
equals lying and cheating in our language."
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"But I tried to get us back together."
I tried all week. I texted her to try to
convince her that I didn't give her any love
chocolate.
This was her reply:
F.U.C.K OFF! I DONT LUV U! I NEVER DID!
I didn't give up:
U do! Rembr the time you brought me a
sweet cheese sandwich @ school 4 no reason?
U luv me!
She replied:
No I don't and pls don't txt me anymore.
I attacked:
I know u do! If u ddnt u wdnt get me those
cool sneakers-again, 4 no reason. N u wdnt
clean my room and make a surprise dinner in it
4 us.
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She replied:
Pls jus go away!
I replied:
I'm sorry for being suck a jerk and not
telling u about the stupid love chocolates. I
hate 2 make some1 as sweet as u so mad. I
hate myself!
She replied:
Great! I HATE YOU TOO! :-(
She turned off her cell so I wasn't able to
text her again. At school I received a note in
my locker. It was signed from Kayla and Bull.
Mr. Bull and the mayor were the only ones to
be satisfied with our Love-bars. The note said:
come into the P.E changing room at lunch.
I crumpled the message and threw it in the
bin. During lunch I went into the changing
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room like they told me and I yelled at what I
saw!
"Let her go!" I screamed. Bull locked
Aisha's hands behind her back and with fingers,
stretched her mouth open as Kayla tried to
pour chocolate in. At my yell, Bull finally let her
go and she fell to the floor.
"What were you two idiots thinking?"
"You're all crazy!" yelled Aisha. She picked
herself up and ran out, knocking her shoulder
into mine to reiterate how upset she still is and
how much of a nincompoop we all were.
I was left with Kayla and Bull who looked
like shamed kids.
"We only wanted to help," said Kayla.
"I'm sorry. You've been great to me, Alex. I
wanted to help out too," said Mr. Bull. They
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told me they wanted to try make Aisha fall in
love with me again. I sighed and walked away.
"I don't know what to do anymore. I bet
she hates me twice as much," I tell Lisa. I
explained to them how I tried.
"I stick to my advice, Alex. Drive her
home," says Asher.
"Meaning?"
He whispers a plan in my ear. It's funny,
dangerous and he says nothing works better.
I'm quite excited about how daring it sounds.
"Thanks bro!" I get up and head out.
"What are you going to do?" asks Lisa.
I hold up the car keys so she can see them,
"I won't tell you because you wouldn't in a
million years let me do it."
And I am so doing it!
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*
"Come on, it's just a ride," I slow down and
pull over at the curb. Aisha finally stops to get
in. It took fifteen minutes of negotiating before
she agreed to let me drive her home from
school.
She opens up and sits down. "It's nothing
but a ride."
"Like I said, I just want to drive you home."
I wheel the sports-car back to the road and
make sudden a U-turn. Girl, you have no idea
what's coming.
"Hey, what are you doing?" says Aisha after
I make the turn. "My home's the other way, you
know that!"
"I'm sorry but if you think you don't love
me for real and I think you do then why not sort
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this out," I hit the gas and send the car
speeding down Rivonia road.
"You're out of your mind!" Aisha sits back,
"And I don't love you."
I speed faster. A van comes our way and I
swerve into its lane. Aisha bursts into a scream
and grabs her seat in shock before I pull the
sports-car out of the way.
"ARE YOU CRAZY!" she screams.
I don't answer, I just steer as I accelerate at
the speed of insanity.
"Tell me you love me," I tell her.
"I DON'T LOVE YOU!" she shouts back,
"Now let me out before you kill us both!"
I drive straight at a long vehicle truck with
no intention of slowing down. Aisha's eyes
bulge, her hands turn into balls. I'm sure she
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would fist me if I didn't have my hands around
the wheel. She's not liking this one bit. She
holds onto her seatbelt real tight as I pull the
car away in the nick of time and guess what? I
almost come head-on with an overtaker.
This time we both yell! I take us onto the
curb with a bit of a jolt. Thanks to seat-belts or
else we'd fly off our seats right now.
I take the car back down to the Rivonia and
hit gas like I'm mad. Aisha shakes her head in
disbelief, probably thinking of a trick to get me
to stop.
"Oh my God, watch out!" Aisha shouts. I
look and there's nothing on the streets.
I turn back to her, "Nice one." I chuckle and
make the car swerve side to side like I'm drunk.
"Admit that you love me!"
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"I can't, you must've got me love sick and
stop this insanity!"
A kid runs across the road and I have to
dodge him. It's scary with the way the car is
swerving side to side and must I say how much
Aisha's eyes have grown in the last minute?
"You're too freaking fast!"
"And you're freaking naive! I'll crash into a
brick wall!"
"Let me out!"
She knows I'm not. I head the car down the
lane as fast as I can.
"LOOKOUT!" Aisha screams again but I've
got my eyes wide open and there's nothing in
the way. Even if it was the president crossing
the road I wouldn't stop. Aisha taps the seat
and now she pleads.
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"Please slow down, Alex, this is crazy!"
"Don't worry, there's an airbag if you don't
love me!"
"I don't!" she shoots me back an angry look
and that just fires me up too and I hit the gas
again. Asher, this stupid drive-her-home shit
better work or else!.
Aisha suddenly points ahead, "ALEX,
WATCH OUT!"
I don't even look ahead, just one of her
false alarms to make me stop! I shut my eyes
and sing La-la-la while my hopefully not exgirlfriend is yelling bloody murder.
"ALEX, I'M NOT JOKING!"
I open my eyes—holy shit! This time she
wasn't! An old woman is crossing with her dog
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and I'm coming right at her as I speed round
Morningside!
The dog yanks free from it's leash and runs
away! Ha, talk about man's best friend, I mean,
that flew out the window real quickly!
The poor old woman is screaming
helplessly and I do my best to swerve out of
the way. I take the car up the curb and into
someone's backyard.
"This is the mayor's!" says Aisha. She's
really exasperated by all this. My hands are all
over the wheel, trying to steer the car back to
the road but then I run over a sprinkler and my
front tire explodes into a flat!
Aisha jumps her hands over the wheel too
and tries to control the car but it's no use with
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the flat and I suddenly make the most stupid
mistake.
I was going for the breaks, but my
reflexively foot stepped on the gas and I sent
us smashing a plunge-board and crashing into
the mayor's pool.
Brilliant!
I turn off the engine and we're lucky it's
convertible so we easily swim out of the car.
"Thanks a lot!" Aisha mutters as she swims
away, "You really took me home!"
She throws her phone to the grass and then
her bag before facing me again. "Look what
you did!"
"Hey!" I react, "Don't you for one second
ever think I get mad too? I'm sorry I've been a
jerk but acting so unconcerned isn't helping!"
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"It's your fault you lost me!"
We argue in the pool and I splash water at
her. She does the same to get back at me.
"You're so competitive!" I tell her.
"I'm leaving!"
I grab her hands and she seems calm. I look
into her eyes, "You know what? Maybe the
whole drive thing was stupid. I blame Asher for
it—and maybe myself too. I should've known
you'd rather we both be dead than back
together. So I'm done trying. But if you think
you don't love me, it's fine. I still love you and,
you can go with that. I don't care!"
I turn around and take a look at the car that
plunged into the pool. The mayor's going to
kill me!
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"Alex," Aisha calls. I turn around. "That's
the first time you ever said that to me."
"Well I do. And I guess this is our first
fight," I say.
She swims closer to me, "It felt good
hearing you say that."
"I love you," I say it again and she gives me
a laugh. Her eyes mellow up and her facial
appear softer. She draws closer and I pull her
in. We both look into each other's eyes before
dropping our gazes to our lips and before you
know it we're kissing.
It's great, it's wet and I think I've never felt
happier about it in my life. I pull her closer.
"Did it have to take me to do all this?"
She chuckles and hugs me, "No, there's
just one more thing you've got to do!" She
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kisses me again and we linger in the pool with
passion. You can't make true love! No, this is
way better that chocolate melting in your
mouth! Aisha is the hottest chick in the galaxy
to me, and that's how I know I'm in love.
The old woman comes round to see if we're
okay. She smiles at what she sees and turns
back to look for her dog. It's been crazy!
And this is how things wrap up: I'm back
with Aisha. Big momma finally ran out of love
for me but the other clients who wanted
refunds still thinks she protects me so they've
decided to stay back. What a relief! My family's
happy I drove things home with Aisha and now
we're where we're supposed to be. In other
words we're at the theatre watching a really
good play like she asked for. I've got my arm
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around her as she leans her head on my
shoulder. Lisa's sitting behind us and I know
she wants to say how romantic we are.
Whatever!
I kiss my girl and she finally says the sweet
words I wanted to hear her say for so long, "I
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9
CROCODILES, HOT CHOCOLATE AND
CRAZY OLD FRIENDS
"CROCODILES FOUND TOOTHLESS AT
ZOO"
I stare at the headline in the paper, my jaw
dropping so low it just might hit the table.
My family and I just arrived at Bull's Park
but they don't seem to notice the shocking
headline. Albeit, I'm not interested in bothering
the rest about it now. Lisa and Asher and Leo
are arguing over a party Asher's planning to
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hold up at the house. Abby laughs aside like a
spectator.
Me? I've got one hand in my huge bowl of
popcorn and grab a handful to eat. And that
brings me back to the tale of the toothless
crocodiles. Man, do I feel sorry for them! Who
would be stupid enough to extract all those
teeth? Some pranks!
"Asher, have you thought this over?" Lisa
crosses her arms.
He sighs and says it again, "Don't worry,
Lisa it'll be okay."
"Besides it's just going to be our old
friends," Leo adds.
"And enemies!" Lisa counters, clearly not
liking their idea.
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Leo sighs, "Okay, so we invited a few
extra."
"Not a few extra!" Lisa's tone rises, "You
know exactly who I'm talking about!"
Asher raises a brow as he guesses,
"George?"
Lisa pounds a fist on the table, "I'm talking
about Ndekia!" Jeez, she's exasperated as hell.
"Oh, Nde," Asher nods, looking
empathetic for a moment, "Sorry, he just called
this morning and said he's coming."
"He can't! Tell him it's cancelled!"
"But he came all the way from Pretoria,"
says Leo.
"I don't care. I know that guy at parties.
He's just trouble!"
"Actually he was our friend," says Asher.
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"And still is," Leo adds.
Lisa pouts and makes a face. "Alex, could
you help?"
Asher leans forward and quickly grabs her
hand, "Listen, he won't do anything stupid, I
promise. I'll have a talk with him, how about
that?"
She yanks her hand away and crosses her
arms again, "Well, it's better than nothing."
"Thank you!" says Asher, relieved.
"I'm not saying I agree, I'm saying he can
come this once but if he pulls anything stupid
from his sleeve it's war! I mean it!"
Asher grins and shares a high-five with Leo,
"It's gonna be like old times!"
"I can't wait for the party!" says Abby.
"I can't wait for Nde," says Leo.
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Sheesh. It sucks to be out of the picture so I
try to get their attention. "Excuse me," I hold
out the newspaper for them to see, "Bad day
for mother nature."
"That's great, Alex," Lisa teases. She likes
to treat me like a kid sometimes but I am her
little brother so I guess I should get used to it.
Asher and Leo don't mind the crocodile thing
any more than Lisa does. They're all talking
about Ndekia. I remember Nde. We were great
friends back in Pretoria when Asher still balled
for fun in the courts. He balled with us. He got
in trouble with us. And he beat up the mailman
with us (the mailman was just a disguise for a
thief). We practically grew up together back in
Pretoria, not to forget, we were neighbors.
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But then the thing with Lisa. Well, Nde has
the tendency to go overboard a lot. Even when
he's not that notorious, Lisa can't stand him
being a little too... playful? Yup, I remember
that day at Max's party. Max was a rich dude
and always open for parties at his place and
Nde couldn't help picking on the softer girls.
Don't get me wrong, Lisa ain't soft but back in
the day she was all cute and gullible and Nde
couldn't resist the urge to infuriate her.
We were all in the living room, wearing our
best outfits and having a good time with our
friends when he came along and did IT. Lisa
was having a cranberry with her girlfriends in
the corner (yeah, I know, cranberry was always
her favorite), when Nde came over with his
buddies looking all tipsy.
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"Hey girls, who wants to be the ant
queen?" he grinned at them, a little drunk from
too much Morgan.
"Ew, who would want to be that!" said one
of the girls.
"Come on, it'll be fun!"
Lisa cocked her head and rolled her eyes,
"I'd say ew too but I'm curious, does the ant
queen get a prize?"
Nde nodded, "Of course."
Lisa laughed, "Then I'll be the ant queen."
Nde laughed back and grabbed her hand,
"Then come this way, miss."
And in a second, Lisa was swept off her feet
and carried up high by Nde and his friends.
They bustled through the party while heading
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for the backdoor yelling, "Make way for the ant
queen!"
When I go back to the memory a smile
tears across my face and I can't help laughing!
Poor Lisa! If she only knew what was coming.
Friends followed behind and once they got
out the backdoor Lisa realized what was
happening. They were going to toss her into
the swimming pool. She started freaking and
tried to get down but couldn't and the ant
queen was thrown into the pool. Splash!
There's nothing Lisa hated more than to swim
with her clothes on.
We tried to calm her down. Girls getting
thrown into pools was normal at parties. I think.
But she didn't see it that way and didn't want
to ever see Ndekia again either.
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So one year later and we're here at Bull's
Park and Lisa can't help but cringe at the fact
she'll see Nde again tonight. In a party. In our
house!
I tease her back, "We have a nice
swimming pool."
She smiles weakly, "Shut up, Al." I laugh a
bit but all she does is smirk. It seems to bother
her and my tough sis shrinks into doubt just like
toothless crocodiles she doesn't care about.
Okay, she's occupied but I love the zoo and I
still feel bad about the crocks.
*
It's saturday night and our house is
crowded! Both old and new friends waltz in our
brand new crib. Many of the old ones can't
help but stare and gasp unbelievably at our
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house as if we climbed the beanstalk and now
we live up in the air in some castle. It annoys
me but whatever, it's still great having old pals
back for a change. I'm with Leo in the livingroom that's turned into a dance floor with lights
flashing around from the disco ball. There are
speakers erected around the corners of the
room and it feels like the place is exploding
with the beats booming this loud.
I got to hook up with my old friends which
is great. It's our biggest party ever since we left
Pretoria.
"When's he coming?" Leo checks his
phone, impatient for Nde's arrival.
"He'll come," I reply, "He called me a few
minutes ago."
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"Hope he does," Leo leans back in his seat,
satisfied with my answer. Nde didn't call, I lied.
I just wanted Leo to relax besides, Nde wasn't
the type to diss parties.
Leo smiles. He's been eyeing Lisa for a
while. She's with Abby who's been telling her
to relax ever since the party started.
"It's gonna be okay," says Abby, stroking
her fingers with hers.
"Abby, Alex is right!" Lisa turns to Abby
with hilarious horror in her eyes, "We do have a
nice pool!"
"C'mon, Lisa! You can't break down on this.
Just enjoy the party. I'm sure he'll behave
himself. I bet he's even looking forward to
apologizing." Abby tries to be the convincing
sister.
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"It's expired," Lisa snaps and leans back on
the sofa. A girl walks by to great them.
"Hi, girls, it's been forever!" she smiles.
Lisa smiles back, "It's only been a couple of
months, Jane."
"I know. By the way, I met Ndekia outside
just now, I can't believe you still invited him."
A wave of panic comes over Lisa, "My
brothers prepared the list." She turns to Abby,
"You still have some explosive milk-soda on
you?"
"Lisa!" Abby interjects, "Get a grip besides,
I'm not making those anymore."
"But you still have the recipe, right?"
Abby grabs Lisa's shoulders and shakes her
up, "You're annoying when you panic! Wish I
could scream in your face!"
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Lisa laughs, "Wish you would."
Just then, the door flies open and in comes
the man of the hour... Ndekia.
"HELLOOOO!" he yells and waltzes in, his
arms wide open like he's waiting for a hug with
a HUGE bottle of rosé in his hand. "Did I miss
anything?"
"Nde!" Leo gets up and hugs him. Asher
and I follow too.
"It's been a while!" he says and turns to
me. "Wow wow wow!" he scans me from head
to toe, "You've grown up, tiger!"
"You too," I reply. He takes a sip of his wine
and strolls in. Leo pats my shoulder and
whispers three o'clock in my ear. When I turn
right, I glimpse the horror on Lisa's face. She's
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clearly not liking him around and I'm getting
the feeling we shouldn't have invited him.
Asher notices that too and quickly calls Nde
back.
"What's up, big man?"
"Could we talk for a moment?"
"Of course, right after I get us some girls."
"I don't mean that, I want to talk to you in
person."
Nde bites his lip. He glances at the hot
chicks and then back at Asher. Sheesh, is that a
hard choice? "All right."
Asher leads him upstairs. Lisa looks a little
relieved and sighs heavily. It's funny how
Ndekia's presence affects her.
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After a while Nde bounces back to the
party. Lisa's face cringes again. She beams at
Abby. "Did you see his bottle?"
"LISA! Control yourself, you're forgetting I
can't see!" Abby huffs and crosses her arms.
"I'll try-Oh my God! He's coming this way!"
Lisa can't keep to her seat.
"Just relax," says Abby but before she feels
it, Nde is already standing in front of them.
"Hey, girls! You've no idea how bad I've
missed you!" he grins.
"I didn't!" Lisa snaps. Abby nudges her side
for the cold reply. Lisa fakes a smile.
"Doesn't matter," says Nde, "What matters
is that I'm here and we're gonna have a blast!
Wanna dance?"
"No thanks!"
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"Sure, why not?" says Abby. Lisa turns and
glares at her like she just proposed to crucify
Johnny Depp and post to twitter. But that
doesn't stop Abby from getting up and moving
to the crowd with Nde. They dance the night
away, and by the way, Aisha's tonight's DJ!
(Picture that sexy behind the turntables and
spinning records with her sexy headphones,
nodding to the beats. Spoiler: She's my
girlfriend. So don't imagine anything you're not
suppose to).
She wanted the role so bad and she did her
puppy eyes so we couldn't say no at all. I'd feel
extremely mean if I did. But it'll be fun to diss
her eyes on display some day.
With Lisa all alone I go and sit beside her.
"Someone doesn't look normal."
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She shrugs and pulls a smirks, "I'm just
nervous, that's all."
"C'mon, Lisa, let it go."
"You're right. Aren't you gonna dance with
Aisha?"
"She's the DJ, remember? And she's
having so much fun at it."
Nde comes back, holding Abby in his arms
and having a good laugh. He reaches out for
Lisa's hand. "C'mon, you look miserable!"
She cringes, "I am not miserable!"
Nde grins, "You're pathetic, believe me."
"He's right, you need to have some fun,"
Abby adds.
Lisa feels helpless and turns to me for
support. Nde stares, he's waiting for my reply
too.
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"They're right, you need to shake off the
nerves," I say.
"Alex!" Lisa's eyes turn to knives—rotating
knives!—and she looks like she's going to
strangle me so I take a step back and let Nde
pull her up.
Abby sings along as she pushes Nde and
Lisa to the dance floor, "Shake shake, and
shake shake, and shake there... !" I laugh aside
as Lisa glances back at me. She's furious but
she'll get over it. Abby comes back laughing.
"She looks like she's tripping!" she cracks.
"If it wasn't that she's nervous, I'd swear Lisa
has a crush on Nde!"
I crack up as I sit down, "That would be a
disaster!"
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We chuckle at Lisa's nervous and tipsy steps
and Nde trying to bring her back to life. It's like
Frankenstein! It's clear Nde wants to spice
things up and he looks impatient. He grabs a
bottle of Cinzano and takes a huge gulp and
oh, forgot to mention that he kills alcohol bad!
A few of Nde's friends crowd around him.
I can't hear what they're saying but Lisa
starts to protest about something and all I hear
is, "NO... NO... NOOO!"
And suddenly everyone's singing, 'Carry
the ant queen!', as Lisa gets swept high into
the air.
"Is it déjà vu, or are the jitters real?" says
Abby when she hears Nde's ant queen song.
"It's real."
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And like history is repeating itself, Lisa can't
fight the whole mob as the big boys carry her
away, out the back door. I try to get through
the crowd but it's no use as I helplessly watch
Lisa struggle on her own.
"LET ME GO! NDE IF I GET DUMPED I'LL
CASTRATE YOU!" Lisa screams.
Nde laughs,"Sleeping beauty needs her
medicine dammit."
Leo comes to my side and cups a hand
around his mouth to stifle a laugh. "Poor Lisa,"
he snorts. Everyone's shouting for Lisa to get
dumped. I hear her scream like it's her worst
nightmare! And here it comes. Olympus has
fallen.
I can see the splash rising high and our
friends start laughing. People get cracked up
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about it as Lisa slowly crawls back up, her arms
trembling from the cold as she glares at Nde
and his boys.
They head back to the kitchen and Lisa
follows behind all soaked and somber.
"Lisa," I call as I finally get to her.
"Not now!" she snaps, raising a hand to
silence me, and heads for the kitchen, "This
means war!"
I gulp the words down and wonder what
she's about to do. She opens the fridge and
pulls out a jug of raspberry juice.
"So you think it's fun to get wet!" she tells
Nde, who is cracking in the corner and has no
idea of what's coming. He leans back and
whispers something with his pals before
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defending his cause. "Was doing it for your
own—"
Lisa gets back at him, splattering raspberry
all over his face. It drips down his tee. In the
flashing lights he looks like a ghost! Everyone
bursts into excitement.
He steams up, "That wasn't funny!"
"Look who's talking!" Lisa yells back.
"I swear—"
"BACK OFF!" I yell at Nde and jump in
between them.
Leo finally arrives with a towel for Lisa but I
bet her own anger is enough to heat her up.
Nde takes a step back and suddenly throws a
cake at us but we duck. The cake flies into
Miriam's face and she glares back at him. She's
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so infuriated, it looks like she's shooting him a
death-stare!
And before you know it Miriam tosses a
pizza at him from the counter and suddenly the
whole party turns into a food-fight! Hard-made
deserts, ice-creams, cocktails, cheeseburgers
are doing fireworks in our kitchen.
It's all fun and games till someone gets
really really mad about the state of the house.
When Asher gets pissed and turns off the
music. He stands by a speaker, his hands curled
into tight fists. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU
PEOPLE! I PLANNED A PARTY. I DIDN'T ASK
ANYONE TO REDECORATE MY HOUSE!" He
takes off his glasses and his grip is so hard,
they snap! Everyone's heart skips to the sound
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of it! It's frightening enough to see Asher this
mad.
"IN ONE MINUTE, I WANT EVERYONE'S
ASS OUT OF HERE!"
It's like rats scampering for the exits. In
thirty seconds the last people still breathing
under the ceiling are my family, Aisha and Nde.
Ndekia sighs at the scene, "So I guess it's
board games for us."
"You too," says Asher.
"What! Man, you can't be serious," he
spreads his arms wide and takes a step
forward. Asher doesn't even smirk and his glare
is all Nde needs to shrink back. "Okay, I'm
going."
"I told you he was no good!" Lisa starts
when Nde's gone.
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"I didn't plan this!" says Asher.
"Oh really?"
"Lisa, you know what I mean."
"Whatever, just wanna be alone!" she
storms up the stairs for her room. Asher stands
quiet.
Leo breaks the silence, "Some party we
had!" He sounds cheesy but who wants the
ghost of weird moments to haunt us now? I
don't care about that though, it's the cleaning
up that bothers me. What a mess!
*
The next day I'm bored so I head to Bull's
Park with Leo to meet up with Aisha. When we
get there, Aisha waves at me from our usual
table but she's with someone else.
Ndekia.
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We walk to the table and he looks up at us
with a weak crooked smile.
"Hey, guys," I greet.
"Hi," he replies, crumbling a newspaper in
his hands. Aisha says the same. Leo takes his
seat next to me.
"All right, let me get straight to it," says
Nde, "I was drunk and stupid and I shouldn't
have dumped you sister into the pool again."
I smirk, "It's okay."
"Don't tell her I told you," says Leo, "But I
loved seeing her get dumped like that!"
"But I don't," says Nde, and this time he
looks real sorry and sincere.
"We were just thinking of how we could get
Lisa and Nde to make up," says Aisha. "Lisa's
been the problem."
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"She's pissed," I cross my arms, a bit hurt
by the accusation.
"I know and I've apologized but she won't
answer me, she won't pick up my calls..." Nde
trails off.
"We get it," says Leo, "But what do you
have in mind?"
"Nothing good," says Nde.
"I'm out of ideas," says Aisha.
"We need something that'll stand out. And
work," says Leo.
I stare at the ceiling, absorbed in thought,
hoping to figure it out. I look down at the
newspaper and read the headline and then it
clicks!
"I got something!" I tell them.
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"What is it?" Aisha's first to lean forward to
hear me out.
I lay it out to them and the feedback on
their faces tells me it's a bit off the cliff. But it
could work.
"Alex, that's dangerous!" says Leo.
"No it's not, they're toothless," I assure
them.
"Uh-uh. I don't like that, one of you could
get hurt and I can't bear to walk around with a
one legged boyfriend... Not that I wouldn't
love you but for christ's sake, that's just
overboard!" says Aisha.
"It's okay, I was thinking... Leo?" I search his
face for any sign of cooperation.
"Me do that? Are you crazy?" he snaps and
shakes his head.
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"I can't ask Abby," I reply.
"It's your idea, you do it."
"Don't!" says Aisha.
Nde makes a face, "C'mon bro, what're
friends for."
"Alex, if you agree..." Aisha doesn't know
what to say. Nde's still giving me the face and
Leo shrugs. I take a breath. I know it's crazy and
it's dangerous and it's clearly gonna give my
mom a heart attack if she witnessed it. But
heck, I'm so freaking up for it!
*
I'm in the garage, fixing our sports-car
which is completely fine but I'm only doing it
for two reasons: One, I want to help Nde out,
and Two, I don't give a rat's ass as long as it's
fun. No matter how frightening it could be.
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This is the plan: Lisa will like Nde again
after he saves my life from a crocodile attack!
Awesome, right!? (Please back me up here).
Aisha's mom works at the zoo. She
frequently drives animals in a zoo truck and
when she wants to be somewhere else (at the
book club), she lets Aisha do it for her!
I got the idea from the toothless crocodiles.
They'd be harmless (almost). All I have to do is
wait in the garage and try to look busy as Aisha
comes with a truck of crocodiles. They'll
accidentally break lose, I'll be cornered and
Nde will save me. When Lisa sees how heroic
Nde is, she'll cease to look at him like a
mindless freak and sympathize... make up and
hurray, they'll be good friends again!
If it goes according to plan.
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"You've been there for ages, Al!" shouts
Lisa from the kitchen. I didn't plan to wait this
long but I hope Aisha and Nde are on their
way.
"I'm almost done!" I shout back. The
radio's blaring loud in the kitchen so we have
to really shout to hear each other.
"Need help?"
No way! That's the last thing I need. "No
thanks!"
I bend forward again and pretend to look
busy, checking out the engine. A low roar
sounds from the outside. I turn around to see
the zoo truck rear-parking in our drive.
"Finally!" I gasp as Aisha stops in front of
the garage. The engine dies out and she hops
out with a smile.
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"So I'm supposed to ask you to help me
start the truck again, right?" she asks. "Sorry, I
forgot the plan again."
"Yeah, and you open up the back to check
up on the crocks and they escape and come for
me," I explain.
"Cool," she opens her bag and pulls out a
bottle and sprays the content all over me.
"What was that for?"
"Now you'll smell like raw meat. I thought it
would help since the crocks are supposed to
come for you."
The stench from my clothes is revolting! My
nose feels like it's about to twist.
"Great idea," I comment. Aisha doesn't
notice the sarcasm though, she just turns
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around to open up the truck's hood. "What
about Leo?"
"He's outside, waiting for you to scream for
help," says Aisha. "Are you ready? I just
disconnected a cable here."
"I guess. How many crocodiles d'you
bring?"
"Three. Chillax."
"You're not scared for me anymore?"
She walks over to the back of the truck,
where I wait for the green monsters to crawl
out and snap at me. "I just realized as long as
I'm with you, I've gotta learn to put up with
your wild adventures. Crashing in the mayor's
pool! Letting crocodiles loose in the garage.
Hehe, boy, you're something."
What a compliment.
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The doors swing open and reveal a cage
full of crocodiles. At first impression they seem
harmless. But big. And then bigger.
"Okay," she takes a breath, "I'm going to
accidentally let them out." She chuckles. "This
will be fun!"
The padlock snaps open and Aisha
screams. She jumps out of the truck and lands
on the sports-car behind me. My eyes bulge
like tennis balls at the scene—Christ! The
crocodiles immediately crawl out with their
huge green tails and they pick up my new meat
stench.
"Shit!" I yell and crawl up the sports-car as
they snap their toothless jaws aimlessly. I
thought they were harmless!
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The crocodiles surround the car, looking for
an easy way to get to me.
"LISA!" screams Aisha.
"D'you have any immobilizers?"
"They're in the front," she points to her
truck. "Where's Nde?"
I look around but there's no sight of him.
The crocodiles keep circling our sports-car.
"NDE!"
"OH!" Nde runs to the scene. "I didn't
know it started."
Idiot.
Suddenly, a crocodile turns around and
starts for Nde.
"The gun's in the front!" Aisha shouts. Nde
opens the truck door and fumbles for it.
"Watch out!"
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Nde shuts the door just before he is almost
swallowed. The crocodile snaps toothless jaws
at the window with its forelimbs way up the
door. I look at the kitchen and wonder if Lisa
really heard us. Maybe the music's too freaking
high.
"LISA! OPEN UP!"
The truck's window winds down as Nde
points the immobilizer gun at the crocodile and
snaps a shot. It wimps away, looking irritated.
The back door opens up and Lisa stands in the
doorway. "What is it—OH HOLY CRAP!"
Lisa's jaw hangs low and it's one thing I
know she will have a hard time believing—and
forgetting. "HOW THE FUCK DID THIS
HAPPEN!"
And then the worst thing happens...
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A crocodile turns her way. Lisa takes a step
back and is too shocked to act quick enough.
She screams as it follows her in the kitchen and
she runs. Great! A crock's chasing my sister in
the kitchen! Just great!
Nde gets out the truck, holding the
immobilizer, "I'll get her!" He darts inside after
the monster. Aisha gets down the car now that
it's safe. Soon enough Nde comes back
dragging the sleepy crocodile back with the
other one. Lisa comes back. She's still
trembling in shock. She totally wasn't expecting
anything this crazy.
"Hold on," I suddenly notice something,
"There's just two. Where's the third crocodile?"
"Oh no!" Lisa moans and gets back inside
and shuts the door.
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"I don't know," Aisha gets down and peeks
under the car and the truck. She shrugs. It's not
there. Suddenly, a terrible screams ripples the
atmosphere.
"AH... AHH... ARGHHH! MURIEL!"
Oh my God! "It's got to the neighbors!"
We bolt out of the garage and get to the
house next door as soon as possible.
The old man was all alone in the front yard
on his wheelchair, innocently reading his paper,
an article about toothless crocodiles. And
guess what karma brought him...
When we got to him he was on the yard, his
left leg hidden inside the crocodile's toothless
mouth while he screamed his lungs out! Nde
shot the crock, we put the old man to sleep
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and asked Muriel to tell him it was just a dream.
He'd believe that.
*
Monday, at Bull's Park, hitting on a sundae,
cracking jokes with my family, teasing my
girlfriend, watching Nde eye us from the next
table, and upset our plan didn't go as planned.
Aisha and I are only trying to shake it off. We
told Abby yesterday and all she did was laugh.
But she gave me the hug of empathy. She
understands. But still laughed.
And Lisa? It's not easy to hide anything
from her. She found out about the plan but she
didn't get mad. She gave me the sweet sisterly
eyes and said, "It wasn't necessary."
But she's still pissed with Nde and people
aren't getting along with Asher ever since he
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kicked them out at the party and it's been
weighing on him. We were in his cool room last
night with Leo, playing play station when he
told us about it. He gave me the somber
mellow-ish brotherly eyes and said, "Not even
Timo wants to speak to me anymore."
That's two problems still unsolved.
"We've got to do something," I whisper to
Abby while she attacks her pizza.
"Like what?"
"Anything, duh!"
Her head sways like she wants to dance as
she hums a song to herself. "Well, if you don't
do it right the first time, do it right the second
time."
"What do you mean?"
"Another party, invite everyone."
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"No one wants to come back, you heard
Asher yesterday."
Aisha huffs in a lows tone. She's been
hearing our every word. "Not sure."
"It's worth a try," says Abby. She leans to
Asher and gives him the idea.
"It's not easy to convince them," says
Asher. I guess our little discussion spread
around the table.
"Then confuse them," Abby replies.
"They're all here," I add. Today a lot of our
old friends came to check out Bull's joint
before the leave.
Asher settles in thought before he gets up
and walks to the counter.
"Is he sure?" says Lisa. "I hope he
remembers not to invite Nde this time."
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"I hope you calm down," says Aisha.
Asher goes to Mr. Bull for a word and then
Bull taps a spoon against a glass to get
everyone's attention. "Someone would like to
speak to you." Bull steps aside to give Asher
room on the soapbox.
"Hi everyone," he starts, waving. Im getting
the feeling he's a bit shy. Which isn't normal for
him. Or anyone as tall as him. "Okay, I'll get
straight to it. To my friends who were at my
party the other day, I'm sorry I fired up bad
after the food-fight and kicked you out. Maybe
we can have another party tonight at my place
again. It'll mean a lot to me if you guys came."
The feedback is discouraging. People shake
their heads and gossip explodes in the Park.
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It's clear they're ignoring Asher. Or talking
about how much we all suck.
"Guys, I'm sincere about this. I'd like you to
come."
Still, they shake their heads to disagree and
each returns to do better things like chat and
enjoy their meals.
"Forget it, Ash," someone says, "You ain't
seeing me there."
Asher sighs, the stress clearly wrinkling on
his face. I wish I knew what so say so I could
help my bro out.
Suddenly, Asher's face lights up like he's
got an idea. "There's a special event tonight,
you wouldn't want to miss it, guys." With that
he seems to steal their attention again. He's
definitely got mine. "Nde's gonna dive into our
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pool with crocodiles in it! From the top of our
house!"
Nde's face falls apart! His sausage hanging
loosely from his lips drops to his plate and his
eyes bulge to the size of basketballs! Asher
turns to him and winks as the atmosphere in
the Park completely changes. The Park turns to
gossip again, and this time it means yes!
Asher returns to the table and I am
speechless! Lisa throws him a hug. "That's the
best thing you've said this week!"
Abby laughs while Leo stares at Nde with
pity. Poor guy! Nde suddenly gets up and
passes by our table. "See you next year!" the
worry in his tone is crystal as he hurries out the
Park. Asher follows him, dragging Leo along for
help.
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Lisa sits down, looking better than she's
had in three days. She's grinning mischievously,
looking satisfied. Aisha chuckles, shaking her
head and ready to savor some Tropical juice, "I
guess crazy ideas run in the family!"
*
Nde's standing on the edge of a long
plunge-board fixed on our roof. He shivers in
fear as he gazes down the two story mansion to
our swimming-pool loaded with crocodiles!
I'm way down with the others and all our
old friends are back here for the party and to
see Nde take the courageous plunge.
"How d'you convince him?" I ask Asher.
"We just talked," he says.
Leo looks up at him. "Poor thing!"
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"At least it's working for us," says Abby.
Asher is cool with his friends now and Lisa's
getting her treat. She's way up the roof too,
making sure Nde jumps and I swear she hasn't
enjoyed anything this bad for such a long time!
Nde turns around and sees Lisa standing
behind with a long stick. "Do you hate me this
much?"
Lisa laughs, "No. This wasn't my idea it's
Asher's. I'm only cooperating."
"And you're loving it, aren't you?"
"I won't lie," Lisa grins and pokes him in
the back with the stick, "You're taking too
long!"
Nde's face cringes in fear. I bet there're
already enough crocodiles in his stomach right
now. "This is so not fair!"
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The wind blows hard and Lisa has to steady
herself, looking like a pirate about to kick a
prisoner overboard. It's just a taste of his
medicine.
Abby stirs up the crowd with an anthem
and the whole party starts singing and clapping
their hands. "Push the ant king! Push the ant
king!"
It's just like new year's countdown.
Lisa pokes the stick into Nde's back again
and he finally takes the plunge, screaming like
a little boy!
"WOOAAAH!" the crowd roars as he
splashes in. The crocks circle!
Leo's close enough to help him just in case.
It's a good thing the crocks are tied so they
can't spread out all over the pool. Nde swims
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as fast as possible to the safe end where they
don't reach him. Once he's there he throws his
arms into the air and shouts, "YEAH!" He's
feeling like a hero. At least he doesn't regret it
now that everyone looks at him like he's
superman!
Lisa's happy, Nde's happy, our friend's are
happy and Asher's happy! Just like we wanted!
But then the wind blows hard and Lisa's still up
there on the board. She's blown to a one foot
stand, fighting for balance with her arms
stretched wide. I stare with concern drawn all
over my face. For christ's sake she's wiggling
up there!
"I hope she'll be okay," I tell Asher.
"Oh no!" Asher gasps under his breath. Lisa
gets blown off and falls straight into the pool!
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Everyone laughs hard as the water splashes.
With all her effort, Lisa resurfaces and her eyes
meet three pairs of hungry yellow balls! They
haven't been fed in a while and even if they're
toothless, how could they resist good flesh
even if it's my sister's!
"LISA!" I yell and hurry to the pool. This
time it's not funny. The crocks swim after her.
I'm sure her body is now tuning into panic
mode or burst mode or Lisa-don't-do-itNOOO!, or any other of her high adrenaline
modes that kick in whenever she gets scared.
Nde races for the pool, "I'll get her!"
I feel like diving for her but Aisha holds me
back.
"Let me go!" I shout.
"Alex, don't!"
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Leo holds me back too and I stumble back,
onto the grass. They pin me down. Are they
crazy! Our sister is about to get swallowed alive
by hungry green miniature dragons, the last
ancestor of dinosaurs alive and they throw my
efforts to the ground!
After some wrestling they finally let me go. I
bounce back up, ready to charge in but Lisa
and Nde are already out to the pool. Nde and
Asher saved her while I was pinned to the
ground. I wipe my clothes clean. "Thanks a
lot," I mutter to Aisha.
"I gave the crocks a little injection to make
them weak," she explains, "They wouldn't hurt
a fly."
"So now you're the zoologist!"
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"Hey! I'm being responsible for these
animals."
"They're monsters!"
"So now you hate them? I thought you
were sad they ended up toothless?"
I sigh, "Thanks a lot. For real this time,
arguing with you is just another plunge in the
pool for me!"
She grins, "You're welcome." I kiss her and
she presses her lips harder, letting the passion
linger before I pull out. "Let's see Lisa."
We get back inside where Lisa is, wrapped
in a red towel with a cup of hot chocolate and
sitting next to Nde (also wrapped in towel and
having chocolate). The party goes on with rock
music feeding our taste.
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"Aww, how romantic!" Aisha teases them,
rolling her eyes in fashion, licking her lips
sweetly, a trademark of her mischief. Yeah,
she's like that too.
"You okay?" I ask my sister.
She smiles back, "Maybe it's my destiny to
end up in pools when I don't want to." We
crack up, laughing. "But yeah, I'm okay."
"Both of you?" asks Aisha.
Nde throws an arm around her, "Yeah,
we're good."
"Ndekia saved me!" says Lisa, acting sweet.
I guess she's means she's happy with him. "So
he's not a total jerk after all. Are you two gonna
dance?"
"Yeah!" I say.
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"Not yet," says Aisha. "I still gotta take care
of the crocks and get them back to the
institution ASAP." Asher helped pay enough to
bribe the vets so we could use the crocks and
Aisha didn't have trouble getting the truck
again. Haha, another book club meeting for her
mom!
The party rocks on, everyone's having a
blast and this time, there're no food-fights. The
rest wraps up like this: the crocodiles get a
special spot in the zoo with higher security,
Nde and Lisa have a dance, the party goes on
all night till five in the morning and that's when
everyone else is asleep all over the floor and
stairs and Aisha finally gets back and we have
our dance. The music (one of her favorite slow
jams) is low so we don't wake up anyone. It's a
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slow dance and I guess I can handle this kind of
pace. Aisha leans closer and whispers in my
ear. "Of all the craziest things you'll ever do,
please don't jump into a pool of crocodiles."
I grin and promise. She smiles. I'll try my
best. But with a family like mine and a whole
bunch of crazy old friends, who knows what
next could happen. Who knows what next!
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10
DON'T EAT PIZZA WHEN IT'S STOLEN
FROM THE BASKETBALL TEAM
We take our seats at the basketball stadium
that's crammed up with fans.
"Yep, right there, Ally," Lisa points at the
next seat. She's making me sit between her
and Abby.
I roll my eyes, "Why do you love me?"
"Because, now sit." Abby giggles and Lisa
slaps my shoulder playfully. "I just want you
beside me."
"Make sure you bite her," says Abby.
"Don't worry about that," I tell her and slip
back into comfort. The stadium is noisy, rocking
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with Scorpion and Wesselton Bullets fans. My
family decided to all come for Asher's game
this time. We do our best to be there at his
games but he plays every week and travels and
we have school and mom and dad have jobs.
Sometimes one or two of us go on behalf of
the rest and sometimes no one comes at all.
With mom and dad, well... they just want to
work. Dad says he still feels the fatherly need to
provide food for the family (though Asher took
good care of that), mom wants to be busy,
neither of them are that close to retirement age
so what the hell.
But we agreed this Tuesday to all be here
for Asher. He LOVES it! So that's what we're
doing. Sitting in the crowd cheering like it's the
last game in the world! I'm wearing this T-shirt
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that says, 'GO ASHER! GO SCORPIONS! F@$K
'EM HARD!'.
"You sure about that?" said Lisa, back at
home when I was putting it on. She stared at
the words with second thoughts.
"'Course, Lisa, c'mon. This is nothing
compared to the others Asher brought." I had
told her and pulled her to the van. Trust me,
the rest were unwearable.
The Scorpions run out of the changing
room and fill the court. People go crazy! Asher
comes out bouncing in Nikes and ready to ball
hard this afternoon.
Leo comes down the isle carrying some
huge bags. Our snacks! He bustles his way
through the crowd. Lisa and dad get up to help
him.
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"Phew!" Leo exhales, and finally plops
down beside Lisa.
"Thanks, bro," I say.
"No P. I also got some Bull peanuts!" he
opens a bag and pulls out a container of
peanuts.
"Bull peanuts?" Abby wonders at the
name.
Lisa reads the words written on the
container and spots a brand picture of a bull
chewing peanuts, one cracking on it's teeth.
There's also the bull-horn sign on it. "This is
typically Bull's stuff!"
"Since when did he start making peanuts?"
I ask.
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"Maybe this week," says Leo. I grab some
to eat and they taste real good. They ain't bad
at all—scratch that, they're awesome!
"It's tasty!" mom agrees. "It's like the Bull
guy wants to make everything."
Abby chews one and crosses her arms,
"Good thing I kept the milk-soda recipe to
myself. He'll never know the explosive secret!"
"Haha!" I laugh, "True!"
The game starts and action explodes on the
court. The Scorpions are just like magic! Asher
sprints down to grab a high pass, he bolts past
the defenders and slams a dunk that shakes the
basket! GO SCORPIONS! It is so awesome, I
wish Aisha was here to see this. The Bullets are
so going down.
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Aisha had to go to her uncle's in
Marshalltown to pay a visit so she's watching it
on TV instead. Right after Asher's cool dunk
she gives me a call.
"You saw that?" she says.
"Of course, we're in the middle of it," I say.
"So cool. Ever since I came I haven't taken
an eye off the TV. By the way, you don't mind
me wearing the T-shirt Asher bought me, do
you?"
"What's it say?"
"Kiss me Asher!"
"I'll rip it off if I see that on you!"
"Ha! Like you can. I dare you."
The Scorpions dash on a counter attack and
swoop another three points.
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Dad claps his hands, looking all proud of
Asher. "Hahaha! That's my boy!"
"Easy dad, you might choke on those
peanuts," Lisa teases.
"And you might choke on that cranberry!"
Haha. She just won't let go of them. The
rest of the game gets really tight and since
Abby can't see, I tell her what's going on. She
loves every minute of the game. Asher does
some cool moves we used to practice back in
the streets of Pretoria, spinning around,
doubling over to fake a shot before sending
the ball right through the net. Swish! You love
the sound of that!
"Tell me more! Tell me more!" says Abby.
The Bullets counter back and steal two points.
It's like they're taking turns to score.
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"Asher's on the bench now," I explain to
her he just got substituted.
"Uhh!"
"He needs a break!" I chuckle.
"He's the best part of the story—I mean
game."
The game ends with an 88 to 84 win for the
Scorpions. Yippee! It was really heart-racing.
There's nothing better than coming together
for Asher's games. It's just something else.
Asher throws on his towel and heads out
the shower. He dresses up as the others pat
each other's backs for the win.
Coach Simon comes in, "Boys, I need a
word with you."
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The teams gathers around in the room and
coach Simon stands in the middle. "That wasn't
fun."
"But we won," says one of the teammates.
"I know but that's not all. We are players
not performers," he scans around and turns to
Asher.
Asher throws his hands up, "What?"
"Too many tricks back there. I don't want
that stuff next time. I don't need a Ronaldinho
on my team!"
"What's he got to do with basketball. He
plays football!" Asher argues.
"A whole lot! He became too much of a
performer and less of a player and he washed
out real quick! You should learn from that!" He
spits out an icky piece of peanut to the floor.
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Asher keeps his mouth shut and lets the
coach grumble. When he finally comes out he
doesn't look too happy about it. We were
waiting for him by the van in the lot.
"The coach?" asks mom.
"Yeah," says Asher. Leo and I help throw his
duffel bags into the trunk.
"ASHER YOU WERE AWESOME!" Abby
screams. It puts a smile on his face. Whatever
happens, we'll always have family to forget
about the noise outside. A good family is good
music.
*
I drop down on the couch once we get
home. We all crowd in the living-room,
exhausted from cheering. Lisa comes round
from the kitchen, wearing a sly smile.
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"What's up?" I ask.
She drops down beside me, "Guess who's
here."
"The mailman?"
"No, stupid, your girlfriend."
"When did she get here?" I wonder.
"Don't know. She's in the kitchen."
"Is she wearing the shirt Asher gave her?"
says Abby.
"Yup," Lisa chuckles.
I smile, "Let me get that off her."
I get up from the couch and head for the
kitchen. I hear Lisa's voice telling me what I'm
about to do is against the law. Like whatever!
"Hey!" Aisha turns around to say hi.
"What're you doing here?"
"Wow! That didn't sound right."
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"I mean what're you hiding in the kitchen
for?"
She rolls her eyes, "I wasn't hiding, I was
making a milkshake." She gestures to the
blender filled with strawberries, ice and a milk
carton on her left.
I scan her T-shirt and she chuckles. Kiss Me
Asher? Ha, not on my girl!
"You know I'm gonna take that off you,
right?" I approach her.
She cocks her head and smiles, "I'd love to
see you try."
When I get to her my hands slide around
her waist and hers slide up my neck, pulling us
both into a kiss.
"Missed you," she whispers.
"It was just a couple of hours."
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"Haha, and you got jealous because of a Tshirt!"
"I still am."
We kiss again and my fingers grab the
bottom of her shirt and pull. Before she can
react I'm half-way up, revealing her ebony skin
and she doesn't seem to mind the least. She
just lingers in the kisses like time doesn't exist
and it's only the two of us.
I pull her closer and she melts against me,
my hands feeling her bare back and we realize
we've never been this intimate with each other
until...
"ALEX!"
Dammit! Aunt Meg scares the skeletons out
of us! I spin around to meet her glaring at us
from the doorway. In shock, Aisha's hand slams
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down on the blender's button, there's no lid on
it too and when it spins, all the fruit and milks
splatters all over us!
Dammit again!
At first we don't realize it because we're too
shocked. Then Aisha notices her hand was on
the button and to our surprise, we are
decorated with milk and strawberry. Leo
appears behind Aunt Meg and snaps a quick
photo with his phone. A picture that would
become a cute memory, way after the event.
But the deadly glare in Aunt Meg's eyes
says nothing close to cute on the spectrum of
cuteness.
"I knew this was going to happen!" she
starts.
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"Aunty, it's not exactly like that," I explain.
Aisha pulls her T-shirt back down.
"I saw you with my own eyes!"
"I wasn't naked," says Aisha.
"You were almost!"
"Aunty, in the kitchen? Seriously?"
"Alex, baby, when it comes to girls like her,
they wouldn't mind the gutter!"
I'm so shocked I forget my list of
interjections and ready-to-fire-at-any-instant
combination of cuss words with the word ass in
them—another way to say I'm speechless.
Aisha doesn't waste a minute and immediately
walks out. By what aunty just said I know it's
not smart to go after her. She's too mad right
now. And so am I.
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With my girlfriend storming out and
slamming the front door so hard the
snowglobes on the shelf come down, Aunt
Meg senses I'm about to shove her in the
blender and turn her into one sour milkshake!
She takes a step back. "I'm sorry, I guess it
slipped. I was shocked!"
"You know what?" I wipe milk off my
forehead, "So am I!"
I storm past her and go upstairs. My hair.
My dreads are so ruined and I am so mad!
*
I practically spend the rest of the day
locked up in my room. I've tried to call Aisha
but she texted she didn't want to talk about
what happened or about anything else. Sad, I
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know. At around seven, someone knocks my
door.
"Ally?" calls Lisa.
"Yeah?"
"Dinner's all set."
"Thanks."
"You okay?" I guess she can sense the bad
mood in my tone.
"Maybe."
"Can I come in?"
"Sure," I get up and open up for her. She
gives me a smile and pats her hands on my
shoulders.
"I hate to see you upset."
I chuckle, "Then close the door, doofus!"
She laughs, "Seriously, what happened
wasn't cool. We'll try to talk it over with Aunty.
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Oddly, no one's in their best mood today. Not
even Abby!"
"What's wrong with Abby?"
"Don't know. It's like everyone's worn out
of happy hormones. But don't worry, we'll work
this out. Let's go now."
She pulls me out and we go down the stairs
together to the kitchen's in-built dining room. I
find the rest already eating. I quickly wash up at
the sink and have my seat between Leo and
Abby.
Dad's not around though, so the only
grown-ups are mom and my aunt. Aunty avoids
eye contact with me and that gives me these
weird feelings inside and Asher doesn't like the
atmosphere so he tries to shake it off.
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"Hey, Leo, when's your Rap show?" he
asks. Yeah, yeah, Leo's been practicing hard
lately and sealed a deal with Mr. Bull to
perform a show at the Park some day. He's
recorded five songs so far and they're pretty
darn good.
Leo stabs his fork in his steak. "Man, I'm not
sure about that."
"What!" Lisa shrieks.
Leo smirks, but he's not wearing his
positive face, "It's just that... I don't know. I
don't feel ready for it anymore."
"Come on, Leo, I heard your songs. You're
pretty good!" says mom.
"Don't cheer me up with lies, people."
"We're not lying. If we were, I'd be the first
to tip you on that," Abby chuckles. "My
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favorite song is Email From My Puppy! That
one's funny!"
"I like Punk'd by Santa," says Asher.
"Thank you," Leo says loudly, like he's
trying to drown our praises. He picks the
remote and zaps on the TV.
"Hey look, it's Bull!" mom points out.
Funny, it really is Mr. Bull on TV.
"His first commercial?" asks Abby.
"Seems so," says Lisa.
Bull begins to talk. I chuckle at the fact that
he sounds much better on TV than in person.
"... if you're feeling unlucky or depressed or
maybe it just hasn't been your day, drop by at
my Park and be assured our delicacies will put
you back in shape. We have something no
other joint has... Fortune Food!..."
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"Fortune Food?" I wonder.
"How many times must I remind him it's not
a park," Abby grumbles.
"Shhh!" Lisa lends an ear to the TV ad. It's
about Bull selling food that can actually give
good fortune for the broken-hearted. Lisa turns
around and she's shocked by the expression on
Leo and Asher's faces.
"You two aren't buying that, are you?" she
points back at the TV with her thumb but the
ad's over.
"Why not? I feel low on luck," says Leo.
"Asher you're not agreeing with him, are
you?"
He crosses his arms and smiles, "It's worth
a try. Anything is possible!"
"Ugh! Alex?"
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"Umm..." I look down at my plate to avoid
the shock in her eyes when I agree. Abby
pokes me. "Stomach ache," I declare.
"Liar!" Abby blurts out.
"C'mon, Alex, I need someone on my
side."
Dammit for the third time today thanks to
Abby!
"I wouldn't mind a good-luck recipe. How
bad could it be?"
Lisa shakes her head in disbelief, "Uncanny
and ridiculous."
Me and the brothers laugh at her reaction.
Maybe she's right. Maybe she's too realistic.
And maybe... this might work.
*
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Next morning, Asher orders a full good
fortune lunch from Bull's Park. But to be frank,
it went more like this:
Lisa was totally against the idea and
convinced mom to agree with her. She threw
on the puppy eyes, blinked twice like an
innocent angel while begging, "Mom, you
know it's a ridiculous idea. Don't let the boys
get carried away... please..."
And then Asher came from behind and
said, "Hey mom, I heard you had a run-in with
the cops for speeding at thirty. Ridiculous, huh?
What do you say we get some good-luck from
Bull's?"
It was war! Lisa won though. But Asher had
his own tricks.
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"Cool, I'll make lunch then," he said and
that's why lunch is officially our business today.
We're in the kitchen, waiting for the good
fortune while chatting. It feels strangely great
to beat Lisa at anything. With a mind like hers,
you'd need Einstein on your team.
"Guess she better just accept it," says Leo,
munching an apple.
"Once in a while," I say and check my
watch. "When's that take-out coming?"
"Be patient," says Asher. "Why don't we
play cards?"
Good idea. We play cards to pass the time
by and half-way in the game, I get a call from
Aisha. Finally!
I pick up, "Hello."
"Alex, your Aunty can be so rude!"
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"What'd she do?"
"We met at the mall this morning and she
looked at me like a whore! You really need to
straighten her out!" Her voice trills. She's really
sad, I can feel it.
"Would she—I mean... Look, I'll try
something, I promise." I've never had a more
confusing experience talking to Aisha this way
before. I'm so between the rocks! We agree I'd
go to her place to talk about it.
Why aunt Meg, why?
Our order finally comes and we microwave
and set it on the table. It's a whole set of goodfortune delicacies I'm sure mom wouldn't
believe we cooked ourselves. You want more?
Here's the picture:
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I'm standing beside the table staring at
lentils on beans, lentils in soup, a huge bowl of
Japanese long noodles, a big round plate of
whole fish, some sliced and very spicy pork, a
bowl of black-eyed-peas, and an awesome
salad that must've taken longer to make than
Abby's hair.
"Will she believe us?" I ask Leo.
"Don't worry, with all this luck, why not?"
he says, gesturing at the food we could never
cook so well. According to the good fortune
manual, long noodles signify longevity, pork is
for progress because pigs never move
backwards, a whole fish gives a prosperous
year from start to end just like from head to tail,
the greens signify paper cash and the list goes
on.
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Anyway, it's time for lunch. Aunt Meg is
back and everyone gets seated. Lisa comes last
and she's wearing a huge grin. The look on her
face tells me she's been a very bad girl while
we were in the kitchen.
"Someone looks happy," I say.
"I guess the good-luck stuff works fast," she
replies.
Ding dong!
The doorbell startles me. Lisa jumps out
and runs to answer, "That must be her!"
"Who?" I get out and follow her to the
door. I'm sure she's planned something
naughty against us. Lisa opens and the reveals
the most hottest and sexiest chick I've ever
seen my whole life: my girlfriend!
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"WOW!" I gulp. It's like Lisa just flung open
the door to some blinding light, radiating from
Aisha's beauty. She's radioactive—a term we
shall further use in our relationship from this
day on. She is mind-blowing! Her risqué and
super-short dress exposing a pair of cute legs
on heels as she stands, totally heart-racing like
it's no one's business. And oh, she's wearing a
cool pair of orange shaded glasses.
"Wow, Aisha. You're..." Lisa seems just as
shocked as I am. She can't find the words.
"Don't say what you can't. I know your
speechless!" says Aisha and waltzes in past us.
"Hope I'm not late."
"You're just on time," says Lisa. "Umm...
are you all right?"
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"Yeah, in fact, it's your aunt you should be
worried about. She thinks I'm a whore? Let me
give her that!"
When she's gone ahead I grab Lisa, hands
shaking in panic, and ask, "What. The. Hell. Is.
Going. On?"
"Alex, I swear I just called her over so she
could get along with Aunty. I didn't plan this."
"Really?"
"Okay, I told her to be daring but I didn't
mean this. I'm sorry."
I let go of her and turn for the table, "Let's
go. We've got a war to eat!"
*
It's the craziest lunch I've ever had and I'm
thankful mom and dad aren't here. Aisha and
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aunt Meg are surely having that face-off that
was bound to happen.
Aisha sits away from me so I can't stop her
from doing anything crazy. Ever since aunt Meg
saw her sit down she's been utterly speechless.
But her eyes scan her every move. "We don't
put our elbows on the table, Aisha."
Aisha looks up, her eyes full of poison,
"And what commandment is that?"
"You're such a mess. May I ask you
something? How is it possible you didn't get
raped on your way here?"
"Aunty!" Lisa interjects, trying to intervene
but she knows she's got to be careful on how
to change the topic. Her tone drops, "Will you
come for Leo's show?" She bites her lip,
hoping for an answer.
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Leo scribbles something on a napkin and
folds it and passes it to me: UR GAL IS ON
FIRE!
I write my reply and slide it back to him:
KEEP UR EYES OFF HER!
When Leo reads it he smiles and shakes his
head. Maybe aunt Meg has a point. She
must've given a lot of guys a hard time with the
ninth commandment. Meanwhile, as Lisa and
Asher try to change the topic, and Abby is busy
with her noodles like nothing's happening, the
face-off goes on:
"Will you quit bugging me?" says Aisha,
striking her fish with a fork.
"Your dress it too short!" says Aunty,
tearing her pork apart furiously. I bet she's
wishing it was her dress she was pulverizing.
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"You should mind your own business!" my
girlfriend rips open the ribs like it belonged to
my aunt.
"And you better mind yourself!" aunt Meg
tears some meat and dumps a big piece in her
mouth. "And..." she begins to choke on the
pork. At first it seems normal but then it gets
real serious. Her eyes look like they're turning
backwards or something, and she fidgets,
trying to cough it out.
"Oh no!" Lisa quickly gets round to help,
pounding her back to save her.
"Quicker, goddammit!" aunt Meg squeaks,
sounding like a rubber ducky.
"I'm trying!" Lisa mutters, in a bit of panic.
She never does shit right when she panics.
Asher gets up to help.
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"Move!" he orders. Aunt Meg looks like
she's about to faint, her eyes go white! Scary as
hell! Lisa moves aside, giving room for Asher to
raise his five long fingers and bring them
down... very hard!
Leo shuts his eyes when Asher slams her
back like he's hitting the winning dunk in
basketball after flying up in the air and
performing the legendary bicycle (if you know
what I mean). The meat flies out her mouth and
guess what?... it lands straight into Aisha's bowl
of lentil soup! It splashes the contents all over
her face!
Aunt Meg coughs in relief, "Thank you,
Asher. Thank you." She gasps miserably. Her
eyeballs try to find the right orientation around
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her sockets, "But you didn't have to be so
hard, you know? And sorry for that, honey."
Aisha wipes her face, "Ew... ew... ew!
Weren't you taught how to chew and swallow?"
Aunty suddenly fires up but Lisa acts
quicker. "Aunty, why don't you wash up first
and have a break. You're throat doesn't want
anything right now, trust me." She pulls aunt
Meg away.
Aisha glances as Aunty leaves and the turns
back and notices we're all staring at her.
"What? I didn't make that happen!"
Leo grins, "Not that, you're just so..."
"Shut up." I tell him. Asher laughs.
"Unimaginably sexy!" Leo finishes and asks
her if she'll come for his show.
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"I'll see," she says and absentmindedly sips
her soup.
"Meg just—"
"Oh SHIT!" she gets up and starts spitting
in the sink. Poor thing. She forgot aunt Meg
coughed up her icky enzyme-infested pork
bolus in there! Water's not enough so she uses
various unheard forms of the word shit to clean
her mouth. Lunch is never a place for a war. You
chew yourself up too soon.
"Looks like they got along," Abby smiles to
herself and returns to her noodles.
*
"Good fortune my foot!" says Lisa the next
day. She's just come back from a morning jog
and tells us about some woman mistaking her
for a thug. "Do I really look that dangerous?"
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"When you catch us reading you diary, you
are," says Leo, chuckling to himself as he works
on his MacBook Air. I haven't had a chance with
Aisha since her mom dragged her to her bookclub today. They're having a marathon of book
reviewing and discussing. No pizza. Just tea.
Hectically boring if you ask me. She sure is in
for a sore ass today.
"She even attacked me! But I do say that
old cougar does know her tae kwo ndo!"
"Who won?" Abby asks.
"I pushed her into a ditch and ran home. A
lot of people are really out of their senses."
"They're depressed," says Asher. "It's in the
atmosphere."
"With what? You wanna tell me the ghost of
depression paid a visit?"
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Asher chuckles, "Hey, I don't know about
your tae kwo ndo grandmas, but whenever my
coach is pissed, he spits a peanut!"
Lisa's eyes reduce to slits and she suddenly
pauses in thought before her fingers snap.
"Bingo!"
"Bingo what?" says Leo.
"Don't you see it? Asher you're a genius!"
"See what?" I sit straight, no longer
interested in my comic.
"Tell us," says Abby.
"Okay, who sells the peanuts?" says Lisa.
"People?" says Leo.
"Idiot."
"Bull?" I guess.
"Exactly. And who sells the good-luck crap
that doesn't even work?"
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"Bull—oh! I get it now!" says Leo.
"So you think Bull's doing this?" says Asher.
"It's too obvious," says Lisa. "Bull's the
infection and the cure, making him the
mastermind. And we and every other folk in
Sandton have all been kinda low ever since
those peanuts at the games. It all fits!"
"Wow!" I'm bewildered.
"Truly uncommon sense," Abby comments.
"But what do we do?"
"Well, a little homework to get some facts
right. Leo, I need you to google depression
hormones or anything around that, and I've
gotta get dressed. Bull is in for it! Can't believe
he'd stoop so low!"
"Looks like we've got business," says Abby.
"I'll get my baseball bat."
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Haha, that's Abby!
On our way there (in our van), Leo fills us in
on something called serotonin. According to
him it's a hormone that deals with our happy
moods.
"So that's what he's tampering with!" says
Abby.
"He must be suppressing them with some
ingredient in those peanuts," says Leo, feeling
smart and all. I spin the wheel and park the
van. Asher couldn't come though, he had to
leave for basketball. He's got another game
today and aunt Meg's going to watch it too.
That leaves it to me and the rest.
We hop out and enter the Park. Abby's bat
dangles behind her back. I hope she won't
have to use it. We meet Bull at the counter and
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he greets us with his usual smile. The business
one. Guess someone's been making good
paper.
"Hey!" he grins.
Lisa replies with a stern face, "We need a
serious talk."
"Oh-ho-ho... haha," he chuckles, "Serious?
What's so serious to talk about?"
He laughs, hand on his belly until his sense
of humor fades away and his eyes flash some
fear.
"How can you feel good getting rich by
making people feel bad?" Abby starts.
"What?" Bull's taken aback.
"Don't play dumb," says Lisa, "We know
what you're doing with those peanuts!"
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"Ahaha! Don't worry kids, I assure you I...
I... Oh man, you kids are so good. Damn you!"
He takes off his bullhorn-hat and sets it on the
counter. Caught red-handed.
"Busted!" Abby sings.
"What'd you put in it?" I ask.
He sighs, "Anti-serotonin. People'll get
depressed and pessimistic."
Lisa shakes her head like a disappointed
mom, "I thought you were different from
Rhino."
"Hey look! I'm sorry, okay? I guess I
couldn't help it when I got the idea from some
old movie."
"And you must've done a lot of homework
too," says Leo.
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He sighs again, "Okay how about this. I
promise not to sell another cruddy peanut."
"It's over?" says Lisa.
"Yeah, it's over," he raises his right hand,
"Promise." He smiles genuinely but I know
what's up his mind: Don't sue, don't sue,
please don't sue...
Lisa's eyes scan behind him and she can
see a pile of pizzas in the kitchen and a bottle
with a spray beside it containing some
unordinary purple liquid. Her gaze returns to
his sorry eyes but she replies with a vacant
smile.
"Any orders for pizza?" she asks... why is
she asking that?
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"Uh, you're brother's team coach ordered
them. He's optimistic on winning. See, the
pessimism is fading already."
"Thanks," says Lisa and she turns away.
"Let's go guys."
"Uhh. I wanted to slam my bat through his
ears," Abby whines and reluctantly follows us
out.
"We've got work to do," starts Lisa.
"Again?" says Leo.
"I thought we were done in there," I lean
against the van.
"He's at it again."
"At what?" I ask.
"Didn't you see those pizzas in the kitchen.
They're getting sprayed with anti-serotonin and
Bull's not gonna cancel that order. I know him."
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"So what do we do?" says Leo.
"We whack him, of course," Abby swings
her bat, aimlessly.
"No," says Lisa. "I've got a plan but it's
gonna be tricky. Alex and Leo, I need you to
make sure the Scorpions don't get their pizzas.
Abby, I need you. And we're gonna need
Kayla's help too. But one more thing... what is
the one thing that hundreds of people can eat
at the same time?"
I raise my brow, "Is that a riddle?"
"Chocolate?" Leo guesses.
"No and too bulky," says Lisa. "I can't feed
an entire basketball stadium with chocolate."
"What're you planning?" asks Leo.
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"The trickiest plan ever," she says. "Any
more bright ideas on how to do the
impossible?"
"Umm..." Abby hums, pondering on Lisa's
riddle as she chews bubblegum. Suddenly Lisa
snaps her fingers.
"Bingo! Abby you're a genius!"
"I'm a genius?"
"Yes you are!" she kisses her cheeks. "And
Leo, we'll need those flyers you hid in your
closet. The ones for your Rap show."
"Umm, okay. But what on earth are you
doing?"
She smiles her usual grin and says it with
swagg, like always, "Just leave it to me, honey.
Lisa's got it going."
*
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"It's terribly boring over here, what're you
doing today?" Aisha whines over the phone.
Leo and I are at the stadium, waiting for the
pizza man in the corridor leading to the
changing rooms. Specifically, we're hiding in a
mop closet. I tell her what's been up and she
gets really exited.
"Man, that is so cool! I'm stuck with a
stupid book club and you're having all the fun."
"Where are you?"
"The mayor's. Never thought his wife was a
member." Leo laughs. He can overhear her
voice. "The worst part's they're actually
digging my company and want me to come
next week on Saturday. That means I won't be
able to attend Leo's show."
"Dammit."
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"You don't want to know more," she hangs
up. Leo sighs, he's heard it.
"She ain't coming, huh?" he droops into a
sad face.
"Put yourself together, we've got a job to
do."
Abby let us have her bat. It's propped
against the wall as Leo peers out. A grin tears
across his face. "You smell that?"
I nod no.
"They're here." He puts on a lunch bag
with holes for the eyes that we're using for
masks and opens the closet door to walk out. I
tail behind, wearing my own with a bat I hope I
won't have to use. A delivery boy comes round
the corner holding a stack of twelve pizzas
strapped together.
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"Excuse me," he says, "Is the Scorpions'
room on the right or the left? And what's with
the masks?"
A fist meets under his cheekbone and he
stumbles back, dropping the pile of pizzas.
"Sorry about that," Leo apologizes and
pulls him back up. I've got the rope and I tie his
hands tight as Leo gags his mouth. The guy
tries to say something but it's hard to make out
what he's saying now.
"I think he's asking why we're doing this," I
tell Leo.
Leo shrugs, "Just throw him in the closet."
I feel bad about this but it's something I
can't pull out of right now. We place him inside
and shut the door. I remove my mask first. It's
hot wearing it.
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After we put the pizzas in our backpacks,
Leo calls Lisa and tells her we're done.
"That's great. We're at the court right now
and our plan is working!" Her voice shows just
how happy she is.
"What plan?"
"Come and see," she hangs up. Guess we
just have to come. We jog our way out to the
court and find Lisa and Abby at a small booth
in a corner with the sign: FREE BUBBLEGUM!!!
CHOCOLATE MINT!
"What!" Leo exclaims. "This is it?"
We can hardly see them because of the
crowd of fans around the booth, grabbing
themselves handfuls of free bubblegum.
Everyone's chewing on it and the atmosphere
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seems a lot more happier. We get to Lisa as
she serves some of the last bubblegum for free.
"Lisa!" I call. "What on earth?"
I notice Kayla's beside her and she's
distributing flyers for Leo's Rap show. She
waves hi. Leo and I exchange looks, he's just as
surprised to see her here as I am. What the hell
is going on?
"Don't worry guys, we got it covered!" says
Abby over the phone, still distributing free
bubblegum. There's a stock of it in the booth
but they seem run out.
"What on earth are we talking about?"
We zigzag through the lines and come
round the free bubblegum booth. Lisa
manages to step forward to us, "Look around.
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Everyone's happy. They don't even care if their
team is winning or losing, they're just happy!"
Leo and I scan the around for ourselves...
she's right! Coach Simon is smiling wide, aunt
Meg looks like she's in love again, a lot of
people are kissing in their seats and no one's
getting tripped holding a bucket of popcorn.
All peace, all happy... Too happy! Not normal!
"It's like utopia... only the science fiction
version," mutters Leo with awe.
"Lisa, this kind of joy isn't normal, what did
you do?" I cross my arms, waiting for her
explanation.
"Look here," she throws her hands on my
shoulders, "I wanted to transform everyone's
sour depression into glee and happiness."
"And...?"
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"And I gave them free bubblegum. Abby
was so smart. I should've realized bubblegum
was the answer to my little riddle!" Lisa
explains they went to Kayla's to get the ancient
Aztec chocolate recipe, the one that made our
Sandton geeks all lovey-dovey. She injected
some of the love chocolate into all the gum
and now that hundreds of people are chewing
on it, it's bye bye depression and hello sweet
love! "And love brings happiness so there it is,
problem solved!"
She turns around and gazes at the
uncountable fans, all chewing down love and
feeling good. "I feel so proud."
I pat her shoulder, "One thing better about
you being an incredible genius, is you being so
sweet."
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"You paid for all this," Leo calculates the
cost for all the free gum.
"I know it's my annual allowance," Lisa
chuckles, "But I just bought happiness, the best
thing out there. And I'm happy about this."
"Me too," I agree.
"Yeah," says Leo.
"We all are," says Kayla, chewing some
love-gum herself.
"I'd agree, but I still wanna swing my bat at
somebody," Abby chuckles. It's great and it's
beautiful and it's perfect. But before we can
wrap this up...
"But what do we do with all these pizzas?"
asks Leo.
An idea zaps into my mind, making me
smile, "I know. And it's gonna be fun."
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*
We ring the mayor's doorbell and Aisha
comes to answer the door for us.
"Woah!" she throws her arms around me.
"Oh my God, what're you two idiots doing
here?"
"Came to set you free," says Leo.
Aisha pulls out of the hug and throws one
on Leo. "And you guys smell kinda cool."
"Haha, we brought pizza," I tell her,
pointing to our backpacks.
"Awesome!"
"But you can't eat them."
"Why?"
"Just watch."
We walk in and enter the living room.
They're more people than I thought. Aisha
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introduces us to them. We go round the table,
shaking their hands.
"We brought something for you guys," Leo
takes off his backpack.
"Really?" a woman's eyes lit up.
"What is it?" another asks.
"Pizza!" Leo pulls six boxes out and I do the
same. That makes twelve boxes on the table.
It's no longer books they're opening. Right
now, their hands are all over our pizza without
the doubt of second thoughts.
Aisha stands aside though, remembering
what we told her. I whisper it all to her and she
finally gets what we're trying to do and before
we know it, the anti-serotonin is working
already!
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A woman cringes her face. "You know
what? This is boring!"
"You're right," says another. "This sucks!"
"HEY!" the mayor's wife stands up, "And I
thought I was the only one pretending to like
this club."
"I hate the book club!"
"I don't even read King!"
"Forget King! Shakespare is eyesore!"
"Well, how about a rap show next week?"
Leo hands out some flyers to them. He doesn't
really get the best feedback. They're still
pessimistic about everything that comes their
way and one by one, they leave. We head out
too with Aisha and her mom toward their car.
"I never thought that's how they felt about
the club," says Aisha's mom, sadly. For a
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moment I feel a pinch of sympathy. But then...
screw the book club!
"Don't worry mom," Aisha pats her
shoulder to comfort her, "There're lots of other
clubs to join. For example, the hip hop club!"
Her mother turns to her with a crooked smile
and a squinty eye. Aisha counters herself, "Or
we could forget about that."
Before she leaves she turns to me and Leo
and hugs us again. "OMG! That was awesome.
I've been trying to do exactly that all day and
the best I've done is gotten Taylor to pick up
her daughter from daycare. That anti-serotonin
thing is wicked!"
I shrug. "Bull's craze."
"So you'll come for my show?" says Leo.
"Sure!"
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"With the same short dress you wore at our
place?"
She smiles, "Umm... sorry about that. I was
mad but yeah, I guess I could. But that's only if
Alex is okay with it."
"Alex?"
I raise my hands up, "Whatever." I'll still be
the lucky boyfriend dancing with her. They
smile and then we part ways. Funny how it all
comes out good in the end. Here's how this
one wraps up: Everyone's back to normal and
there's no more bad-luck peanuts. And when
we went to Bull to ask him why he lied he was
like, "No no no. You've got me wrong. I
promised not to sell another peanut, not a
pizza. Hehe, see the trick? See my genius? Ha!"
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Lisa was there standing crossed-armed and
hilariously outwitted by his trick with words. All
she could do was shake her head and smile. He
promised not to work with anymore antiserotonin and that worked out better. Aunt
Meg and Aisha are cool, thanks to the lovegums, coach Simon is all glee and so are we.
It's saturday night at Bull's Park and Leo is
rocking the stage! Rapping like there's no
tomorrow. Lots of people come for the show.
Aisha's wearing her super-short outfit again and
she's totally dashing in it. The rest of my family
are down with us, watching Leo rap on the
podium.
"I'm happy he didn't give up on this!" says
mom.
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"I still wanna break a jaw." Abby whines.
Oh well, it'll be a long time before we're that
mad. It's all glee and fun for now and it's
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11
ELEPHANTS DON'T LIKE PEANUTS
The House of Knights stands a few feet
away from us in it's red stone walls, huge
windows and children's graffiti all over sister
Ashley's flower pots that line around the
building and the Don's BMW (crayon graffiti,
harmless and childish so don't worry). It's an
orphanage home in Pretoria, the one I grew up
in before being adopted and it's not a bad
place for us to visit for the midterm break.
"It's beautiful!" Aisha exclaims, gazing at
the strong walls and large doors in front of us.
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"Wait till you get inside," says Leo. It's
Aisha's first time here. I've made a couple of
visits here, some with my family but mostly
alone. It's special to me.
"I grew up here," I tell her. I did, until I was
six. That's when Asher's mom and dad adopted
my ass out of this beautiful comfort. At that
time, they were kinda okay. But later their
financials crumbled into ash and we hit years of
hard-core poverty. I know, there would always
be someone worse than us who would look at
our family as much better off. Let me tell you
something. Ever heard of Einstein's law of
relativity? Here's my catch: Anything is just as it
is until you compare it with something else. It's
like what they say... beauty is within the eyes of
the beholder; until you relate two normal little
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birds, you'll never find that ugly duckling.
Breaking your arm would feel like the worst
thing ever until you watch your friend have
both legs amputated. Creepy, eh?
Okay, back to us. Asher finally comes back
from parking his van and sister Ashley opens up
the huge mahogany doors to let us in. She's so
darn happy to see us again.
"Alex, baby!" she yells and gives me a hug.
Suddenly, a swarm of kids come running at us
and hug our legs, screaming our names and
clapping their hands because we brought a
whole lot of presents.
"Hey guys!" Asher waves at them. For
them, it's like staring at the Eiffel tower. He's so
damn tall and they're all like, "WHOA! LOOK
AT HIM!" Especially the boys. Asher smiles
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back, loving every moment of it as I do. Abby
does her best not to trip over.
"I don't remember them being so many!"
she says, feeling their heads with her hand.
The Don comes around to say hi and man,
he's really glad to see us. His cheeks wrinkle
because he's smiling so wide. "Alex, boy."
"Missed you, Don!" I go over and throw the
good old man a hug. In case you're wondering,
the Don simply likes to be called Don. I don't
know if that's his real name or not, but I do
know he loves the endorsement. When most of
the cute kids here get adopted and the ugly
ducklings stay behind, (reality check), he
spends most of his time with the kids. He's
actually a successful businessman and
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philanthropist who started this place twenty
years ago but I prefer to look at him as a father.
"You're always welcome here, son."
"Thanks, Don."
We all go to the living room and Lisa
stands, holding a box wrapped in red with a
nice gold ribbon. The kids sit at the floor, eyes
bulging like the poor kids haven't had a gift
since last Christmas (some places don't even
have the cash for anything more than food,
clothes and water). "Well, you know we
brought presents, right?" says Lisa, "So what're
we waiting for? Let's tear 'em!"
"YEA!"
"They're all so cute," Aisha comments,
watching them rip open their gifts. We brought
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a lot of clothing, shoes, board games, scooters
and e.t.c.
"You remember their names?" Don comes
to ask me.
"Quite. I remember Martha, Emsley
Peterphant,"
"Oh, who could forget a name like that?"
"David, Zahara, Cathy, Juni..." I trail on,
naming as many kids as I can. The Don's
impressed.
"You're doing a wonderful thing, you
people!"
Asher shrugs, "Just being human."
Some of the kids come up to me and Asher
and say thank you. I'm wondering if sister
Ashley reminded them, she did that with me a
lot.
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Aisha sits beside me, "Thanks for bringing
me here, the kids are great."
"Actually, thanks for coming."
Emsley sees me and hops over, holding his
new water-gun.
"Hey there!" Aisha takes him up and sits
the boy on her lap. "What's your name?"
"Emsley Pet-Peterphant," he stammers.
"Peterphant? Sound like elephant," she
taps his small nose playfully.
"Th-that's b-because I l-love elephants!"
"Wow! Me too. I love animals. You know
what? When I grow up I wanna be a zoologist.
What about you?"
"I don't you. B-but you're already g-grown
up. And who's a zo-zoologist?"
"Haha. Oh no, sweetheart, I'm not."
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Martha hops in too with her two ponytails
and hearing aid. She tries to snatch away his
gift.
"Hey!"
Aisha asks her what's wrong and Martha
starts railing about how Emsley's the Don's
favorite kid and he let's him watch movies with
guns upstairs and gets all the special treats...
Jealous.
Whatever, David comes up and asks me to
tell them a story like I always do. Lisa's done
with the gifts and everyone gathers around me
like they already know the ritual. Okay, I pick
the one about how I got adopted. I never told
them about it. They're all so interested and
can't wait. It goes something like this:
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I love dancing. Always loved it ever since I
was still here at the orphanage. But as a kid,
you never legally get the chance to sneak out
and follow the music. You don't see too many
boom-boxes and dancers unless you go
outside. These walls have wonderfully been my
home but there was more I wanted outdoors.
I knew if the Don ever caught me sneaking
out to the clubs at night or to play with other
kids while practicing dance moves, like he said,
he'd chop all my fingers off and sell them to a
witch so she could feed them to her dog.
As a child, I believed anything and as a
child... I was very stubborn (still am now too
sometimes). On most nights, I crept out the
huge bedroom window when no one was
looking and snuck out. My room was on the
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third floor. I'd land on the bushes and run to
the clubs where I was really creative on finding
ways to sneak in.
"You all know you're windows are big and
sister Ashley's got bushes going round this
house so you can land safely, right?"
The kids agree but then Don interrupts,
"Alex, please don't give them ideas. Especially
Emsley!"
"Okay," I chuckle and get back. The clubs
were awesome. I loved watching the dudes
dancing. My favorite style became B-boying.
Soon enough I started practicing how to do
handstands, windmills, flares and when I got
older I mastered so many more tricks including
the awesome air-flare. It took me forever to
learn that one.
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My best friends outside the orphanage
were Tommy and Jimmy. They taught me how
to dance. And Tommy's brother was the
coolest dude ever!
But it didn't take long before Don realized I
was often missing at certain times and one
fateful morning, he caught me red-handed,
doing a windmill in the streets with my friends
at 5 a.m. At first he thought I was some
ordinary kid spinning on his back but then he
noticed... the dreadlocks... the small body... the
Superman underwear that was showing while I
was spinning. He called my name and I froze,
completely fazed and speechless. My mistake! I
was like, what the fudge is he doing here? I
knew I was in SERIOUS trouble. He took me
back to the House, pinching my ear all the way
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and called the chefs to ready the sharpest knife
so he could turn my fingers into chopped
celery.
Aaaaaaaaaargh!
I screamed so loud when the chef came
with a humongous knife. What was he thinking I
was? A mammoth? My puny fingers were not
steel pipes!
And guess what happened?
"What?" the kids eagerly ask.
"I got adopted!" It's like this: Asher's mom
was passing by that same morning and she felt
sorry for me screaming pathetically as a
ruthless man approached with a butcher knife
and waved the thing at my face, laughing like a
devil. It was love at first sight ( the mother to
son type, you sickos), and she took an
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irresistible interest in me. Thank God that day I
didn't lose my fingers. I finally found a family
that would accept me for the crazy kid I was,
and still am. And thank God I found a second
name to go with Alex... and it was Cyprian.
"The end!"
The kids clap and cheer when I finish and
ask questions about my life. I must admit, it
makes me feel like some superstar. Lisa can see
it on my face and she nudges me hard that I
poke her back. They ask me stuff like if I still
dance. I do, but I ever since leaving Pretoria a
few months ago, I haven't found a new crew to
work with.
"Never knew you dance," says Aisha.
"It's a very stubborn part of me. Most
people think it's from bad influence and my
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uselessness so I lost the thought of talking
about it."
"Oh," she nods slowly, swallowing it down
as clear as it is. It's something that people,
including my family, don't believe is exactly
what I want to do for a living. But none of that
now, the rest are all talking about what they
want to be when they grow up. Abby has this
seemingly impossible dream to be a movie
director. Her blindness isn't getting in her way
at all. Lisa's not sure and Leo wants to plunge
into Hip Hop or do something with computers
and for a part-time, he likes to be a hacker.
A lot of the kids already know what they
want. But that does change a lot when we
grow, doesn't it?
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"And you want to be a z-zoo-dist," says
Emsley, pointing at Aisha.
"Zoodist?" asks Don.
"A zoologist," I correct him.
"Haha, the boy loves elephants!" laughs
Don.
Lisa is smiling, I think she's got some idea.
"Why don't we take these kids for a trip to the
zoo?"
"Um..." the Don gives it a thought.
"Come on, what could happen?" says
Asher, for once siding with Lisa. It's weirdly
funny to have them on the same team.
"Yeah! The zoo!" the kids shout and start
jumping up and down. With that performance,
you know it's hard to throw the 'no' in their
happy faces.
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"Okay," Don agrees, "But sister Ashley's
coming too and you kids better behave. I just
hope you'll be okay."
I stand up, "Don't worry, Don. I promise to
take care of these little tigers."
"Or else?" he smiles.
I get the joke, "Or else you can chop my
fingers, sell them to a witch and she can feed
them to her dog! Don't worry about them,
they'll be fine." I give him what I call, the smile
of trust and he nods a yes.
*
Next day we waltz in the Johannesburg Zoo
and Aisha's our tour guide. We rented a bus
and hired a driver early. We got the kids from
the House and took them all the way to
Johannesburg. Once we got to the zoo we had
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to divide them in groups to make it easier for
us to move around with them. The kids jumped
out and we gathered them in a big round
circle. Lisa walked around counting their heads
while Leo and I split them amongst ourselves.
Asher, Lisa, Leo and I are in-charge of seven
little tigers each. Abby can't guide them so she
just sticks with me. Aisha's not walking with the
kids, like I said, she's our tour guide and she's
really loving it. She put on tight leggings and a
flimsy stripped T that closely resembles a zebra
in a way many clothes can't. It's suits her.
After having a couple of bites outside, we
walk in with the twenty eight kids. Aisha leads
us in from the plaza. We set foot on the stucco
that floors a wide corridor. There're all kinds of
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animals on the each side of the walls, behind
bars that connect from floor to ceiling.
"For the bigger animals like the lions and
giraffes, there's a big field behind them," says
Aisha. "When visiting time's up, the door
behind them opens up and they fill the open
space. Into the little wild. Now, they're only
caged in front of us so we can see them here."
The kids go wow when they see the lion.
Asher takes off his sunglasses to have a better
look.
"Look!" shouts Martha, "They're having
sex!"
A couple of passers-by turn around and
laugh. They lion couple really is mating and
trying not to spoil the fun, Aisha's not hurrying
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the kids off. She let's our eyes linger at the wild
scene.
"The lion's getting hurt!" cries Emsley.
"Oh my God, I wish I could see that!" says
Abby.
"Don't worry," I say, "I'll tell you all about
it." But she can at least hear what's happening.
The kids have a good time laughing and
pointing fingers and making fun. They should
come here often.
Soon, our tour guide loses her patience.
"OK OK, let's go."
She shows us around the tigers, geckos,
bears, monkeys, baboons, armadillos,
warthogs, hyenas, kangaroos and a lovely
antelope couple. And then she takes us to a
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special pool where three crocodiles splash
around.
"Remember these?" Aisha asks me.
I peer down closer and smile. "The
toothless crocodiles!"
"No way!" Lisa doesn't believe it until she
gets a better look herself.
Leo teases her, "Like the nostalgia?"
"Oh please, don't remind me. It's creepy
enough having to see them again!"
Asher laughs and shakes Lisa like he's
about to toss her into the pool.
"Yikes! Asher! Cut it out!"
He keeps shaking her and she keeps yelling
and the kids start laughing and Abby keeps
wishing she could see it all. Once Asher let's go
of her she excuses herself to the washroom and
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I look after her kids for her. She meets us
gathered around a fountain eating our bites
from our boxes. She complains about
something that I can't hear well enough
because I'm too busy with my burger and the
kids are all yapping and yelling. But largely
because of the burger. If I'm correct, she says
the washroom smells of a jungle.
Aisha laughs, "It's true. The zoo did that so
you can experience wildlife even in the
washroom. What you were smelling was some
elephant stench. There's a vent that collects
that to the washroom and other offices. You'll
find other rooms smelling like lions and
monkeys."
"Cool," I chuckle.
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"Cool?" Abby seems shocked, "That's
totally overboard!"
We help distribute cans of sodas and chips
while eating to the sound of wild birds chirping
in the distance in their beautiful plumage you
don't see everyday. Aisha pulls out a large
bottle from her bag and instantly, I notice it's
Amarula. Wait a minute, that's alcoholic! Aisha
grins back at me. She pops it open and has a
go. She's a good girl because she tilts the
bottle up my lips to share.
"It's got a picture of an elephant," Emsley
points to the bottle. Aisha tells us Marula is a
fruit elephants like very much. Some say it
makes them drunk!
"But it's not true," she wipes her lips with
the back of her hand, "According to research
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done by the Smithsonian, even if the elephants
did eat a fermented marula, it would take
fourteen hundred of them to get one elephant
drunk."
She's all packed with facts today. It's really
what she wants to do. After our little break, we
continue around the zoo and finally stop at a
great African elephant towering up high and
beaming down at us with beautiful dark eyes.
It's got sand all over it's back.
"It's because they get sunburnt so they
throw sand on their backs," Aisha explains.
Lisa pokes Asher, "Look who ain't so tall
now!"
The kids stare at it, their eyes following its
huge head and down the trunk.
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"Can you actually believe its brain weighs
just ten pounds? And that its trunk has about a
hundred and fifty thousand muscles?"
Emsley pulls out some peanuts and tries to
feed the elephant but Aisha stops him. "Sorry,
kiddo but you're not allowed to feed them.
And besides, they don't like peanuts."
I guess it's because they could get
poisoned, and ever since what happened to
the crocks, I bet the zoo is really strict about
that now.
"And you know they don't eat from the
acacia tree because it's full of ants and you
wouldn't want them in your trunk now would
ya? Not with all those nerve endings... and no
David, Asian elephants can't run... maybe ones
in Thailand but... you know guys, they can
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sense seismic waves, it's incredible how... and
you would not believe this but... and oh my
God, I forgot to tell you about why..." she just
keeps going, piping down all her facts. She's
lost in her jungle. Though Emsley loves
everything he's hearing, you can't fight nature
so he asks to go the washroom. He asks again
if the toilets really do smell like the elephants.
"No sweetie, the Men's over there smells
like the family of barbaric bamboos we just
saw. But it suits you guys totally!" she smiles.
Me and Asher argue over that with her as
Emsley leaves. It's funny. Now she's giving us
facts about men (which are unfortunately true).
Suddenly, a whole lot of people start
screaming and running around like a terrorist
just muttered some Arabic codes and the zoo is
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about to fly into the sky. The screams ripple
through me.
"What's going on?" says Abby.
"I don't know," says Lisa.
And then I see it...
"Oh my God!" This is not good! Suddenly
the kids start yelling too. The place is in panic!
You wanna see what's happening? A huge
python—a very huge python—somehow broke
free and is slithering across the floor, scaring
everyone away. It moves faster than usual and
the kids scatter around to run for their lives.
"Wait! GET BACK HERE!" I call.
Asher runs after his kids, "STICK
TOGETHER!"
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It's all panic! I look around me and I can't
find a single kid. They're all mixed up with the
crowd.
"Come," Lisa pulls me away, "They're all
running one direction. Let's just move!"
Chaos.
Actually, it's weird one big snake can
actually cause so much trouble. I heed my sister
and follow after her but then—
"WAIT!"
"WHAT?"
"WE FORGOT EMSLEY!" I dash back. Lisa's
got no choice but to come after me. The
python turns and pushes the washroom door
open as it enters the Ladies. Creepy. Earpiercing screams come out and a few lucky girls
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escape but I ignore that and rush into the
Men's.
It's empty.
"EMSLEY!" I take a quick search and all I
pick up is the horrible stench of bamboo shit
mixed with urine and mint. No Emsley. Lisa
tugs on my arm, "Let's go!"
We run outside and find the rest by the
fountain. Asher's counting heads. "Twenty four,
twenty five, twenty six, twenty seven... Oh no.
There's one missing!"
"Oh my Gooooooood!" I run around them
and count for myself while the others tell them
not to panic. "Shit shit shit! Who's missing?"
"It's gotta be Emsley," says Leo. "He ain't
nowhere here."
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"I think I know something," says Martha,
the girl with the hearing aids. Her hand's
trembling with a piece of paper. I take it from
her. It's an A4 manilla that's been cut halfway
and on it is the most scariest thing I've ever
read in my whole life:
We have Emsley Peterphant U want him
back alive? Make sure u got 5,000,000 rand
in ur account & leave ur bankcard &
password on ur house roof now! You'll have
da boy in da morning Call da police &
consider him dead We r watching u! Now have I ever been more screwed?
*
"Alex, don't panic!"
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I turn to Lisa who's read the message from
behind my back.
"WHAT! Peter's just been kidnapped, the
bitches want a fortune, and you're telling me to
relax?"
"Alex!"
"WE ARE FUCKING SCREWED PEOPLE!
WE ARE SCREWED!" I'm yelling and I rail on,
not really knowing exactly what I'm saying. I've
completely lost my head. How could this
happen?
"Alex, we know," says Lisa, trying to calm
me down. I can see the rest are in panic too
and some of the kids start crying for Peter.
"Oh my God! What do we do now?"
"I say we go in and look for him," says
Asher.
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"Didn't you read?" I approach my brother
while pointing at the message with letters cut
out from magazines, "Emsley's not lost, he's
fucking KIDNAPPED!"
"Alex, calm down!" says Abby, "Whether
lost or kidnapped it must've happened just a
minute ago. If we check, we might find them
before they leave with him for good."
"Abby's right," says Aisha, "We better
split."
"Then I'll stay with the kids," says sister
Ashley. She's just as shocked but does her best
to keep her cool.
"And we can't tell Don about this, he'll go
crazy," I say, looking at Ashley. She reluctantly
agrees for now. We split up and go looking for
the lost kid.
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Lisa goes for the front plaza at the entry,
Asher's searching inside at the opposite end
and Aisha's zone is ground zero, where the
chaos started. She goes from there, searching
and calling his name. I search the washrooms
with Leo. The zoo is deserted right now. It's like
those eerie scenes from apocalyptic movies
where everybody's ditched the block.
"Emsley!" we call as we look under the
cubicle doors. At the last cubicle I find a pair of
legs and a skirt on the floor. I don't want to get
insulted so I get back and leave with Leo for
the Men's where we hear a couple having sex
in a cubicle but no Emsley.
Leo knocks on the cubicle's thin plywood
door. "Have fun."
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I grab him away, "Leo, we got a kid who's
kidnapped and you're playing games!"
"Relax, we'll find him." I wonder how he
can take this so easy. We meet the others in the
middle where the crocodiles lounge in their
pool.
No luck.
A few zoo officers are coming too from
where Aisha was.
"I had to tell them about it," says Aisha,
knowing it wasn't what I wanted. Great! Now
they're involved. But maybe this will help.
"We heard there's a kidnapping case," says
one of the officers.
"Yeah, one of our kids," says Lisa.
"Called the police yet?"
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"No. It's honestly been hard to accept. It's
just so..."
"Don't worry, we understand. Call the
police immediately," he orders. Lisa pulls out
her phone and dials. Aisha clearly notices that
I'm not okay. Still panicking, half-insane, fingers
trembling, chest heaving, heartbeat rate at
135bpm, perspiring and drenching my T in
sweat... and clueless.
"How could this happen?" I blurt out, and
start pointing my fingers at the officers and my
family, feeling kinda tipsy from the Amarula I
had, "Which one of you is fucking with my
mind? Who the fuck took Emsley?"
"Alex, please," Aisha tries to calm me
down. Sister Ashley comes in too. She says she
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took the kids back to the bus and that she
already phoned Don.
"What! Why?"
"I'm sorry Alex, he has to know."
Christ! Is see images of him in my mind,
holding a gigantic butcher knife and mercilessly
chopping my fingers into fractions. He's going
to sell them to a witch... feed them to her dog.
Filthy black puppy liking the blood off my
middle finger. Dammint. What the freaking hell
is wrong with me! Oh yeah, Don's favorite kid is
kidnapped without a clue, the ransom is a
fortune, Ashley just told him so the old man is
either having a stroke or a heart-attack and is
about to die, or he's gone nuts like me, he's
already got into his BMW and is driving with a
butcher knife with my name on it. If he spares
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me, he'll bring a gun. The police are coming
too and that's just gonna make it more
complicated with their stupid know-how and
painstaking procedures. Screw my day, screw
the kidnappers and screw the zoo!
A siren tells me the cops have just come.
Two more zoo officers come as well and and
Lisa tells them all what happened. The cops ask
questions and over and over we repeat the
same story. The kid went to the washroom, the
snake escaped and scared everyone away, I
went after Emsley but I couldn't find him and
outside Martha gives me that horrible
message.
Then the cops go to the truck and start
asking Martha questions. It's painstaking to
watch. The girl's scared of cops, she's
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stammering too and her hearing is not that
good so the interrogation takes time. It's a half
an hour drive from Pretoria to Johannesburg so
I'm expecting Don to be here in any moment.
"This is so bad," says Abby. "And to think
we could look after them."
"Don't remind him," says Aisha. Emsley was
mine to look after. The police come out and it's
just like we told him. They were simply running
and Martha found it on her like it was blown on
her chest.
"We're doing what we can," says the
police, "We've got our men looking for Emsley
already. It would help if you had some pictures.
The ones from the surveillance cameras usually
don't go well for the public."
"What are our chances?" says Asher.
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The cop swallows a breath and sighs,
"We've barely a trace, it's almost clueless.
There seems to be no suspects except for a
man who was with a pet eagle all the time.
That bird could be trained to pick up that
bankcard. But honestly, the cameras don't show
us any kidnapping."
They also tell us the snake broke free when
some kid tampered with the lock. Must've done
it on purpose too. The talk shifts to the orphans
and what we did yesterday at the House and
then Lisa finally pulls us back to the camera
thing. "Wait. You said the kidnappers weren't
seen on camera? Like you didn't see it
happen?"
"Exactly."
"Could I have a look?"
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"Okay," says the zoo officer. He leads us
into a security room close to the Manager's
office. On our way Leo points to the Manager's
door where his last name hangs across. "Look
at that. His name's Peterphant too!"
"Whatever," I push him forward as we enter
the room. There are surveillance screens all
over on the front wall. The officer goes to a
computer and taps. A couple of videos appear
on the screens.
"You know CCTV?" he says.
"China central television?" says Leo.
"Closed-circuit television. It's the security
—"
"We're desperate if you don't mind," says
Lisa. Thank you sister. The officer grumbles and
finally plays the video clip of the snake
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incident. The kid goes to the washroom and he
doesn't come out. "Aren't there any cameras in
the washroom?"
"No. That's their privacy policy," explains
Aisha. The officer grumbles at her too. Guess
he wanted to say that. Aisha sticks out her
tongue at him. She knows just as much about
the zoo as they do.
"Alex, can I see that message again?" says
Lisa.
"Here," I hand it to her. She gives it a long
look and suddenly a smile tears across her face.
Some hope! At last something!
"Screw this!" she yells. It's almost startling.
"How could we all be so STUPID! Come on
guys!"
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She leads us out of the room and into the
corridor close to the Manager's office. The
cops trail behind.
"What d'you find out?" I ask.
"That we've been extremely stupid.
Literally, the dumbest people on the planet!
Aisha, what time is the manager's lunch?"
"One-thirty, why?"
It's one o'clock right now. "Don't you guys
see how it all fits? I know where Emsley is! But
I've got to stop the other one from being
kidnapped!"
"The other one?" says the police, just as
bewildered as we are.
"Guys! I don't believe in IQ, but I'd still say
we're thinking like chimps! Hasn't it crossed
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your minds? The obvious question that
should've knocked you already?"
"Just tell us where Emsley is!" I say. Lisa's
pulling my hair and she knows I hate it.
"Who on earth would kidnap an orphan?
Nobody!"
It hits me like a late wake up call. She's
totally right!
"So you're saying that message wasn't for
us?" says Leo.
"Exactly. It was for the manager! Noticed
his same last name? But Emsley could still be in
trouble. He's with the elephants right now and
don't ask how I know. You'll find out how to get
there from the girl's washroom. Alex, Asher and
Aisha, that's your business. Leo, Abby, I need
you with me. We need a serious talk with the
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manager. Police officer, I could use you too. All
right that's it now go go go!"
She disappears into the manager's with Leo
and Abby and I head for the Ladies. I don't
know how Lisa's done it, how she does it or
how it's even possible for her to do it but she's
the best hope right now. And she's cool at this.
*
We arrive at the Ladies and walk in. It's
eerily creepy though.
"So how are we supposed to find Emsley
this way?" I wonder.
"I thought he went for the Men's," says
Aisha. "Weird."
"Lisa said we'd eventually find out," says
Asher, scanning around for clues the cops
missed. "Wait a minute, I get what Lisa meant!"
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"What?"
Asher points up at a vent. "Remember
Emsley being fond of thriller movies? His love
for elephants? And this washroom smells like
elephants!"
"Oh my God! You think he's gone up
there?" says Aisha.
"There're no cameras here and it seems the
only way to the elephants is through this vent,"
says Asher.
"You're not used to being smart so I guess
this is quite a breakthrough discovery you're
gonna brag about for a long time."
He grins back. The vent's the only thing
connecting us to the elephants and I know
what the rest of the plan goes like already.
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"So we gotta crawl in there, right?" says
Aisha.
"I'll give you a boost and wait here till you
come back."
I look up. Asher's too big for it so it's just
going to be me and my girl. I put my foot in his
hands so he can lift me up. "Let's go get
Peter!"
*
Lisa barges into the manager's without
bothering to knock or listen to the cranky
secretary who railed about calling for an
appointment.
"What the heck!"
"Cool down," says Lisa.
"Cool what? You can't just barge in here
like that..." the manager starts complaining and
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threatens to call security and Abby decides to
shut him up in a simple, low-cost and effective
way.
"If your son's name is Emsley then he's
kidnapped."
"W-W-W-WHAT!" he mumbles.
"Actually, that depends on where he is,"
Lisa clarifies.
"I just spoke to my son on the phone a
minute ago. He's on the train to Cape Town."
"Then by one thirty, he'll be kidnapped at
the station. Exactly the same time the train
stops and the time you go for your lunch and
pass by your mailbox to receive this!" Lisa
tosses the message on his desk. Once he reads
it he goes cold. Pale and shocked. Almost
speechless.
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"I don't understand! What is this!"
"Don't worry," Lisa says sweetly "We can
help you."
*
"I can't believe Emsley did this," says
Aisha. "This little goober's has balls!" We're
crawling in the dark vent and the elephant
stench gets stronger the farther we go. We've
been crawling for a while, maybe the Don's
already here.
"Know what?" says Asher from the
washroom, "The vent's not a bad place to have
sex!"
"Thanks, but we're a little preoccupied,"
says Aisha. I tell her he has a point and she tells
me to shut up. We come to a point where the
vent curves down.
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"Guess we have to slide down," I gasp. We
exchange looks. "Well, ladies first, right?" She
is in front of me anyway.
"I knew this was coming." She moves both
feet forward and slides out of sight. I hear her
land on what sounds like a bunch of leaves.
I breathe in.
My turn.
I push against the walls of the vent and it's
like sliding in the water park. Except, you land
on a pile of leaves. Aisha helps me up and
when I'm on my legs, I gaze at what seems to
be an elephant reserve. The area is fenced
around so the animals won't break lose and
people can see them from the other side for as
long as they want.
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Aisha cups her hands around her mouth
and shouts, "Emsley!"
"EMSLEY!" I yell. We move a couple steps
farther and keep calling. A huge elephant
stomps our way. It's beaming at us slowly. It
creeps me out.
"Don't be chicken!" says Aisha.
"You kidding? That's fourteen feet and
eight tons of doom staring at us right now!
How 'bout that for a fact!"
She crosses her arms, "I know, you dummy.
Just relax, they won't trample on you." Actually,
in some places they do. But I guess these here
are used to people. "They have no natural
enemies but if you feel threatened, just hold
out a stick. They'll respect you for that," she
adds. She tells ms it's because they might think
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it's a stun-gun. Electrical torture for innocent
animals at circuses and some zoos. Sad fact.
The elephants are cool. Nothing to worry
about. We keep looking around until we find a
small body cuddled up in the grass.
"EMSLEY!"
We dash to the spot and thank God we
found him. Before he's shaken out of his sleep
I'm already hugging him. Maybe I might
strangle him for all the trouble. The poor kid
rubs his eyes.
"You're some kid!" says Aisha.
Emsley smiles, finally realizing we found
him. "Elephants are cool. But they d-don't like
p-peanuts."
We smile back and Aisha agrees. "Yes they
are and no they don't."
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*
Emsley gets over forty hugs. That's
something that doesn't happen every day to an
orphan, not even to a regular child. We're at
the plaza outside with my family, sister Ashley,
the kids, the zoo officers, the police and the
manager. Despite drenching his clothes in
sweat, the manager finally looks relieved. The
cop who was with us at the security room
smiles at me. "Your sister's a genius!"
I'm smiling, "I'm getting used to her." What
does she call it? Yeah, uncommon sense. It's
one-thirty and the kidnappers are already
captured at the station like Lisa said they'd be.
They tell me she somehow seemed to know
everything all of a sudden.
"Will you finally tell us?" asks the manager.
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"Okay," says Lisa, "It's like this..."
From the moment she watched the videos
on the screen it hit her! Three things: Emsley
disappeared into the Ladies, not the Men's, the
manager's last name was also Peterphant and
the message about the kidnapping was glued
on a Manilla cut halfway. How does it all fit?
She says the paper was cut in half so it could
slide through the slits of the manager's
mailbox.
"... the kidnappers must've watched him for
a while and knew he always checked his box at
lunch, same time when his son would arrive at
Cape Town and be abducted. It was precise!"
The confusion was with the names,
something you know already. And the fact that
Emsley went into the Ladies just connected
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with the elephants and how he thought he
could get to them. All he had to do was climb
into the vent and crawl.
"The snake caused this. The python made
people run and the kidnapper's accomplice
must've lost the message in the chaos.
Fortunately, Martha had it."
"And thanks to you kids this case is
solved!" says the police. They found another
message in the manager's mailbox. The guy
obviously had to make another one. And about
the bankcard... they were going to use a bird,
possibly an eagle but Lisa thinks it's a crow. A
crow would be more undercover than an eagle.
So that kinda wraps this case up.
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The Don finally arrives. He gets out his
BMW and can hardly stand once he sees the
cops.
"Someone tell him Emsley's okay." I say. "It
might save his life."
"I'd love to but you guys are the real heroes
today," says the cop.
The Don almost trips over the pavement.
"ALEX!" He waves a butcher knife in the air.
"SHOW YOURSELF!"
I squat down so I can face Emsley. He
seems a bit startled by Don. "Go ahead."
"I like t-to b-be here at the z-zoo. And I lliked y-you're story too," he stammers. Makes
me feel like a big brother.
"Listen, kid. You'll grow up to be anyone
you want to be, if that's what you'll work for.
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Life is always worth living when you live it with
your heart. Do those two things, and you'll
realize things about yourself no one else can
show you. And that's what growing up is all
about. Now go on, save Don the heart attack."
Emsley chuckles and throws me a hug.
Then he turns and runs for Don who can't
believe it—no, he doesn't know what to
believe. I sigh. What a day. Watching the kid
run to Don's arms gives me sick nostalgia—a
feeling I hate—that reminds me of the day a
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12
WE WAGE WAR WITH THE GODDESS OF
OUR PAIN "...and when Proserpina was gathering
flowers with the nymphs on earth, Pluto, the
god of the underworld could never keep his
philandering eyes off her. She was the most
beautiful mystical being he'd ever set eyes on.
"Pluto came out of the underworld from
mount Etna and took Proserpina back with him.
He loved her so much but feared to tell her,
because of the doubt of her reply. So he used
magic. Dark magic. But he disguised it. Pluto
tossed Proserpina some pomegranate seeds
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and the moment she ate them, she became
forever bound and inseparable to him and his
dead world. Thus, Proserpina left her parents
Zeus (Jupiter) and Demeter (Ceres) and
became the goddess of the underworld and
reigned with Pluto.
"But gods can be players too. Especially
gods like Pluto. And little did Proserpina know
about this until she saw the lust glow from the
eyes of her nymph friends. It was Minthes. They
were picking up flowers together when the god
of the underworld secretly left his home and
walked the earth to pay a visit. He spotted
Minthes picking up a rose and smiled, rolling
his philandering eyes to her like he did to
Proserpina. And irresistibly, Minthes smiled
back, not knowing that her goddess had seen
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them. From that moment, Proserpina's soul was
crippled with jealousy. No, she dreaded to
share her throne with a nymph! Or anything
else! So—"
The bell suddenly rings for home-time and
Mr. Peter knows half the class will be gone
before he can get up.
"All right!" he closes his red file and gets
out of his chair behind me, "We'll pick up next
week from where we left off."
"Mean my story has to be cut halfway
again?" I say.
He nods and pats my shoulder. "Yeah, boy.
Sorry for the trouble but heck, we can call it
part two."
Yeah right! Second time my story's divided
between two weeks. What is this, a trailer? I
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watch the class leave and Mr. Peter try to
squeeze himself out the door and I just want to
yell at them. THIS IS NOT A TRAILER. THIS IS
NOT A PART ONE. THIS IS A FULL LENGTH
STORY FOR THE MYTHOLOGY ASSIGNMENT
WE HAD AND I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF
SOME OF YOU WOULD JUST WAIT A MINUTE
LONGER.
"You were getting to the best part," says
Aisha, patting my backpack after I throw it on.
"It sucks."
"Actually, some people are relieved by the
bell. And it's free marks for half the trouble."
We go out the class and head for the
lockers. Aisha's story was completely bloody.
Bloody bloody bloody! But it had action with all
Titans and the gods and the war but it would
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still help if she deleted the scene with the Titan
chewing alive one of the gods before the gates
of hell while Hades smiled from his armchair,
and the way she described it... awful. Trust me,
you don't want her giving you a bedtime story.
"Hey, Aisha!" someone calls. I'm halfway
packing my backpack and I notice she's
scowling back at some girl.
"What do you want, Georgia?" Aisha turns,
facing this big girl surrounded by her troupe of
popular females, all hands posed on their bony
hips. It's ironic their leader's all chubby. But
she's pretty. Weird, I've never seen a girl so big
and beautiful at the same time.
"We like your stories. But just some advice,
keep in mind that we're not interested in your
goth."
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"My work is N.O.Y.B!"
"What does that mean?"
"Non o' your business."
"Actually, I was playing it easy. You know
what? You can't even tell a story without
making a kid cry! Yippee! How hilarious of
you!"
Before the irony of that remark can fully sink
in, Abby comes swinging in from nowhere,
pushing the girls around. "Make way people,
this is the corridor."
She grabs our arms and drags us away.
"Hey, guys!"
"Hey. Thanks for saving me," says Aisha.
"Hehe, don't mention it. Georgia can be a
warthog!"
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"What was happening?" I ask as we
approach the glass doors.
"That warthog and her clique of mindless
gals who can't even tell time when their
watches are on their right hand think they're so
popular and pretty and 'cause I didn't want to
join their hideous group, they keep bugging
me."
"You serious about the watch thing?" says
Abby.
"Not joking! Cole loves to wear her watch
on her right, ask her to read the time and she's
gonna take it off, turn it round."
"But Georgia doesn't look too bad."
The moment I say that Aisha squints at me
like I just proposed to Georgia. "Excuse me," I
pronounce sheepishly.
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"If you've been rolling your philandering
eyes on that thang back there... you better than
anyone else knows how that story ended."
I laugh. Yeah right! We meet Lisa outside
with Leo. Asher's come with his van and he
waves at us.
"Hey!" Pizza comes up to me on the stairs.
"You guys serious about the party?"
"Hell yeah!" yells Abby, our family party
girl. Anyone who had a boring midterm will
shake the stress off tonight at our place.
"So cool!" She skips away with the Bear
and gets in her car. Winning 70,000 rand on
GrizzlyRap for her was no joke.
"And about the party," says Lisa, "Abby
you have to put the pig away."
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"Aww," Abby whines. Mr. Bull let her keep
his favorite pig for a few days and believe me, I
don't know how it all happened. She just came
back from Bull's two days ago with Leo and
had that yellow thing squealing in her arms
while she said, "It's so cute!" (over and over
the whole day).
"Come on. We can't have a pig at the
party," says Lisa.
"All right. But Barny still needs me so I'll
have to check up on him regularly."
I don't understand her sudden connection
with pigs but Barny seems to make her
unusually happy. We get to the van and dump
our backpacks in. Aisha goes the other way and
heads for home.
"What's up!" says Asher.
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"Nothing," I reply. "You?"
"Nde called, he said Sarah's in town."
"WHAT!" Did I hear that? Asher nods and
the disbelief on my face turns to laughter. "Oh
God. That is... not happening!"
"He said she's here too."
"At Godwin's? No way. I didn't see her. Is
that why you're here? To see her?"
"Not exactly. I had to pick you guys up.
Party's at our house, remember? Got stuff to
prepare."
Funny. Asher and Sarah come a long way.
Back in the day, before my bro was famous, he
had a crush on her. Made him feel like a
popsicle. But she didn't want a relationship
with him. She was like, "You're too tall to be my
boyfriend." It sucks, I know. But Asher was
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really a little too tall. I know love knows no
height but if two people are going to match,
nature should at least try to co-operate
somehow. Too bad it didn't.
Sarah dissed him in front of her friends. It
broke my heart too but Asher didn't let that
weigh on him. He was like, "Just gotta big up
sometimes, kiddo. You know, tough love."
Sad. He never believed the height thing
was an excuse for a long while but now he's
past that, Lisa tries to get him to understand.
Though she does think it was mean too. You
know, there's a right way to do something
wrong, and there's a wrong way to do
something wrong. Sarah went for the wrong
way.
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I look up at my brother's glassy expression,
"Hey, what if you met her again? Now you're all
cool and stuff."
"Hmm..." he ponders with a smile, "Know
what? I'm so tall I might not even notice her
pass by." He chuckles and gets in the black
van.
Abby's popping in her seat. She's so exited
about the party. This is going to be a hell of a
night.
*
"Alex, a little help!" I'm halfway down the
stairs at home when Abby calls me back. I meet
her up in the corridor. "Barny doesn't like it up
here. Can you help me get him to... maybe the
backyard."
"Where is it?"
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Abby starts for her room, "Hiding in my
bathroom."
I follow her in her well arranged room and
she slides the bathroom door open. "Did you
give it a makeover or something?" I ask.
She chuckles, reaching down for the pig
that's hiding in the corner she left it. "I'm not
that obsessed."
I give it a look. She's taken great care it of
it. "Looks great."
The pig squeals. Abby laughs at the sound
of it. "I think Barny likes you."
"Oh please, how does Barny have
emotions. It's an animal. And one day when
Bull finds a cuter pig, Barny's gonna be
slaughtered and chopped and roasted and
fried and boiled—"
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"Don't say that to its face!" Abby snaps,
stroking the thing's back.
"All right, let's go before more people start
coming."
We take Barny down and get him outside.
Abby fixes a leash by its heel while I get some
pig-food from the kitchen. She thinks it might
get bored without her.
"I don't think they eat at night, you know," I
tell her as I place it down on the grass.
"It ate last night."
I roll my eyes. Pig keepers know best.
The music goes on and we can hear voices
inside. "It's started."
"Oh great!" Abby gets up and heads back
inside, "Can't wait to grooooove!" She sings
her way in the living-room that's already full of
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guys from school. From the kitchen I see a few
pair of high-tops standing outside and I'm
thinking by their size they belong to Pizza, the
Bear, Aisha and Hugo.
They walk in... guess I'm right. Pizza is easy,
always in pink shoes. But that's the same with
Aisha tonight, except hers are higher. Asher
comes in the kitchen for a glass of orange juice.
"What's up, brother?" he fills up his glass
and takes it down. It might sound weird, but I
love the sound of someone quenching their
thirst. It's like some regular beat that sounds
so... I can't find the word, like I said, it might
sound weird. But I like it.
"Nde said he invited the principal," I say.
Asher slams the glass on the counter and
swallows the last gulp.
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"Easy, was just kidding."
He laughs. "Almost spit my juice on you,
kid. Want some?"
"'ts all right, I'm fine."
"Guess who's DJ tonight."
"The principal?"
"Hell no! What's with the principal today?
It's Nde and Leo. But Nde ain't here yet so
Leo's still playing a couple of your girl's rock
tracks. Eh, yesterday we were talking about
rock at Chocolate bank and this preacher came
by, speaking to people about Jesus and being
saved and then her phone rang with this rock
tone and it was like, I BELIEVE IN EVIL! And it
was so loud and Aisha was all shy when the
preacher looked at her. It was funny, man."
"Can you listen to The Devil Wears Prada?"
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"God! That band is so metal I don't get
how you two can listen to that."
"I almost threw her iPad the first time she
played their songs. She thinks they're
awesome. Just get used to blowing your
eardrums."
Asher's face cringes in a funny way before I
leave the kitchen. Leo's got the turntable's
spinning and the crowd is already dancing in
the room to some pop songs. Abby's dancing
in the middle. She is so good with pop. She
grew up watching me dance before she went
blind and wanted to try out pop because that
was her favorite. I taught her some easy moves
before she joined a club and advanced to the
pop queen she is today and we're all like, "Go,
Abby! Go, Abby! Go, Abby! Go, Abby!..."
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Nde finally comes in—as usual, bottle of
beer/wine in his hand, let's see... okay this time
it's beer—and joins the party. He goes to the
kitchen to greet Asher and Lisa. Lisa is grinning.
"So I guess the pool's all right tonight?"
Nde grins.
"Actually that's taken care of already," Lisa
smiles.
"What do you mean?"
She takes Nde outside and he is staring at
the weirdest thing. "You drained it!" The pool
is nothing but white marble. Hard, and cold as
ice and without a teardrop of water.
"Taken care of," Lisa smiles.
"Did you like vaporize it? Hold on! You guys
got a jacuzzi upstairs."
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"Drained as well. Too bad sport," Lisa turns
around and goes back inside.
Leo slides in his rap CD and one of his best
songs is playing now. I drop to the couch with a
can of cranberry—Lisa's got a truckload I swear
—and listen to Mark My Evil Words. It's
hilarious. I turn around and find Aisha having a
little argument with the Bear at the door. The
Bear's our bouncer tonight so he let's in who
we put on the list and he can kick out whoever
starts a fight. Thanks to his size, that's no
problem. That's why he is the Bear.
"Hey, guys what's going on?" I ask.
"Sorry, man I didn't know," the Bear
scratches his hair. His dreads are much shorter
than mine.
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"He let Georgia in," says Aisha. "But it's
not his fault, Lisa said everyone in science class
could come."
Suddenly, Asher comes pushing Nde out.
"I'm sorry man, I thought you'd be happy,"
Nde squeals.
"Happy? HAPPY?" Asher pushes him out
the door and follows him outside.
"What's with them?" says Aisha. Lisa comes
too with crossed arms and her face looks just as
concerned.
"You won't believe what he just did" she
starts. "Remember him talking about Sarah?"
"He didn't bring her!" I hold my breath,
waiting for her to confirm our nightmare is
here.
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"He brought her over!" Lisa throws her
hands up, her fingers clenching an invisible
balloon and somewhere inside my stomach, it
bursts.
"And that's her," the Bear points to
Georgia in the crowd with her friends. She eyes
Aisha and gestures at her condescendingly. No,
that's an understatement. She looks at her like
trash.
"What makes her think her fat ass belongs
here?" I mutter.
I didn't expect Aisha to hear me. She
comments, "Browsing for a one night stand but
she's so fat nobody wants her."
Sarah's with them too. Asher's still arguing
with Nde, Pizza is coming over to try and drag
the Bear in for a dance, Lisa's still trying to pop
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her invisible balloons and I come up with a
compromise.
I pull Aisha away and ask if she's interested
in watching a movie in my room. She says it
sounds awesome and it could keep us away
from Georgia for the night. Up the stairs I tell
her she looks good and she's like, "I get that all
the time, tell me something different."
"You smell horrible."
"I thought you'd appreciate the burger
perfume."
I lick her neck, "So what? I can eat you?"
She smiles back, "If you want I can come
here smelling like wedding cake. Got all kinds
of perfumes back home. When I was a kid it
was my hobby to collect perfumes. Kept me
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busy. It's good to be busy when you're parents
aren't getting along."
I go into Lisa's room and grab a stack of
DVDs as Aisha's words resonate in me. Some
kids want a mom and dad and some hide
under the table wishing they'd stop fighting.
"How 'bout Clash of the Titans. I missed
that one—no, maybe Dead Man Running,"
Aisha flicks through the movies in my room.
"Cool," I slide it in my DVD player but it
goes into fritz. Shit. I forgot it didn't work.
"Plan B?" says Aisha.
"Lisa." Not that she'll say bingo and the
DVD will magically work, but it's an Apple TV
so I can play a movie from her iPhone, which is
fun too. I travel down to ask her the favor and
she never let's me down and I come back up
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with three movies in her iPhone. "Fast and
Furious Five, Last Harry Potter and Bound To
Break."
"Bound to Break, we've watched the
others. Don't you have movies in your phone?"
"Lost it somewhere. Sucks a lot."
"Shame man. Hope you find it."
We turn off the lights and leave the lamp
on low, lie back on my bed and watch. Funny
thing about Lisa's iPhone is the picture behind
it is not an apple, it's a cranberry.
Few minutes later we hear Asher and Sarah
yelling Your momma jokes downstairs. But in
reality, they're not joking.
Sarah, "Your momma's so short she does
push-ups under the door."
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Asher, "Your momma's so old she owes
Jesus a penny!"
Sarah, "Your momma's so fat, when God
said let there be light, she had to move!"
Asher, "Your momma's so fat that the
weighing machine says I don't want your phone
number!"
Sarah, "Your momma was so poor and ugly
she could fit through the eye of a needle!"
Aisha chuckles, "He could use my help."
Asher fumes. "What the hell do you know
about my mother? You think you're beautiful
showing off your thighs? They look like frog
legs! My mom's got legs too and she kicks
them right!"
Okay, I'm expecting to hear a few chairs
crash down now so I decide to raise the volume
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on our movie. Aisha snuggles closer, "Good
idea." I hold her, forget the chaos and let the
night steal my consciousness and I'm glad I
don't hear the chairs crash at all.
*
Groggily, I descend the stairs next morning
and I smell dad's coffee in the living-room as I
make my way to the kitchen. Leo's on the table
and once he sees me he grins in a sly manner.
He doesn't do that to me until I've either done
something crazy or he wants me to do
something crazy. I ignore him but Asher gives
me a strange look too. He's in the second
living-room behind the kitchen when he and
Abby go silent as I come down.
Weird.
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"Hey!" Aisha hops out of nowhere and
pecks my cheek.
"Wondered where you were," I pour milk in
my bowl of cereals and smile. She's wearing
Lisa's clothes. I can imaging Lisa forcing her
into her room to replace her last night's outfit.
"Your shower's cool," she grins, picks her
bowl of cereal and sits down. Lisa comes
round. "Morning, sleepy." At least she's normal
today.
"Lisa, don't forget to put water back in the
pool. I got friends coming over and we love to
splash," Mom quickly passes by, rubbing my
shoulder to say hello. Lisa sits at the table too
with her cereals. I would stay with them but I
hear Asher and Abby gossiping with my name
floating in the air so I decide to get up and
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have my breakfast in the living-room. Dad's got
his paper in his hand, his coffee on the table
and his Aljazeera on the floor-to-ceiling flat TV
that fits well between the floor-to-ceiling
windows.
"'tsup guys?"
"Hey, Alex, Barny found your iPhone!" says
Abby.
"You serious?"
"It's here," she points to the coffee table
where my precious piece of metal rests close to
dad's coffee. I put my bowl away and tap it on.
Abby tells me it was in the lawn with Barny but
I don't care about that now it's back. First
thing's first... Facebook. I tap it on.
"You're not online are you?" says Abby.
"I am, why?"
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"Alex, we need to talk first," says Asher.
"Yes we do! You two've been acting weird."
Leo's first to crack the egg on this one.
"Did you and your girl make out?" He ask as he
walks in.
"No. Is that was this is about?"
"You didn't bang her?" says Asher.
"No."
"Told you it wasn't them!" says Abby. I get
up and return to Lisa and Aisha.
"Aisha, has Lisa told you?" I ask.
"Told me what? Hey! You found your
phone!"
Lisa rolls her eyes in a funny way. "Knew
they'd pop the balloon first."
Aisha grabs my phone and flicks through
my Facebook. "Pop what?" It's been missing
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for four days and I've got hundreds of
messages already. "What the? What Georgia
did was so wrong but what the hell. Aisha's hot
and you banged her and that's awesome,
Hugo.
"Welcome to the club, you're not a virgin
anymore, T Bear.
"OMG, Georgia sucks but you two rocked
in bed. Heard the screaming, it must've been
intense, Pizza. Alex, what is this?"
"I can explain that," says Lisa. We sit down
to listen. The rest come as well. It happened
when Asher and Sarah were arguing that
Georgia snuck upstairs to find out what Aisha
and I were doing. She heard noises in my room
and called her friends and now everyone thinks
we had sex.
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"She even recorded it," says Abby. "But I
know it wasn't you guys. It didn't sound like
either of you."
"But what did?" says Aisha.
And it snaps like Lisa just said bingo. "The
movie!"
"Bound To Break? It's got a sex-scene. No
wonder they thought it was you," says Lisa.
Jeez, we must've slept before that.
"But because of that fat chick everyone
thinks you guys are newly weds," says Leo.
"By the way, how'd it go with Sarah?" I ask.
"FROG LEGS!" Asher spits out.
I nod, "Thought so."
"Know what? I am so going down to school
and having a talk with that platypus!" Aisha
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washes her bowl in the sink and Lisa has to
slow her down.
"Calm down, we'll all go. Six is better than
one."
Aisha sinks back, still fuming. Leo grins slyly
at me again. No brother, I didn't. His steady
gaze replies, it says we still slept together
which counts the same. Whatever, got my
phone back!
*
We round the school corridor's till we get to
the hall where Georgia's rehearsing backstage
for GodFash. It's a fashion show that's going on
in two days and she'll be the Queen of Fashion.
I know GodFash sounds weird, I don't get it
either. It's just like GrizzlyRap.
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"You are despicable!" yells Abby. Georgia
spins around to meet the six of us standing
together. Her clique gather round her too.
"Well look who's here," she chuckles,
"Come to applause me?"
"You are such a liar!" says Aisha.
"No," Georgia walks forward in her denim
leggings and khaki flimsy top summer outfit,
she swings her umbrella like Rihanna, pulls a
hanging rope and I must admit... what she
does is gorgeous. Her umbrella clicks open and
Georgia posses as fake rain falls from above
and pours down on it. She smiles at her latest
invention. "No liar. I'm a fashion queen."
Aisha losses her cool and before we can
hold her back, she knocks Georgia's umbrella
away and puts her hands around her throat!
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"You evil witch! Good for nothing queen of
whores!"
Georgia squeals back like the pig she is.
Her girlfriends gather quickly, trying to let her
loose and we come together too to get Aisha
back without a nose bleed. "Let. Me. Go.
Bitch!"
"Who died and made you queen?" Aisha's
grip only seems to tighten the more angrier she
gets and we look like some gang fight. Georgia
starts choking and it gets serious. Asher saves it
all and pulls Aisha away like she was some mad
cat clinging on a tree.
"You're gonna pay for that!" shouts
Georgia.
I face her. "You didn't have to spread that
lie."
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"It wasn't a lie. We heard it! And I won't
quit preaching it. Besides, what's the big deal?
It doesn't matter if you ain't virgins. We're not!"
"It does," I reply. I'm racking my brains to
find some piece to this puzzle. "Okay, how
'bout we make a deal here." I watch Georgia's
face. It twitches, coughs and her eyes blink.
"What deal?"
Abby steps forward and I don't believe
what she says, "How 'bout an arm-wrestle at
Bull's. You versus me. You win, you can spread
the rumors to the end of the world, we won't
care."
"Yeah!" Asher agrees, "And you can take
naked pictures of me and do what you want
with them!"
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Georgia's face lights up with a grin that
almost swallows her eyes. Her very smile
resembles the Grinch! What a girl!
Abby continues, "But if I win, you tell
everyone it was not true and you leave us alone
forever!"
Georgia laughs. "You guys serious?"
"Yeah!" shouts Leo. I am speechless. Lisa is
speechless and Aisha... still fuming behind
Asher.
"Then you idiots got yourself a deal. See
you at two," she rubs her neck, stretches it and
I hear it crack like my grandma broke her back.
And she's the Queen of Fashion! Ironic? Or is
this a joke? She turns around and returns to her
rehearsal. I turn around and face Abby.
"Sister, you're about to wrestle a hippo."
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She shrugs. "Like Diana and Golaisce, Alex.
Diana and Goliasce!"
*
It sucks when you can't pass by without
people smiling at you and acting like sheep
because you had sex and they all know about it
and heard it and anything that's a big deal to
Georgia is a big deal to everyone at Godwin's.
That's why we're putting a stop to this at Bull's
Park.
"You sure of what you're doing?" Asher
gets Abby a redbull, "My dignity's on the line."
"Your stupid mistake," says Lisa, "How
could you?" She's called him big and dumb a
hundred times since he made that deal.
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Bull comes by with more drinks, "No need
to panic, Abby knows what she's doing. I've
taught her."
Abby clarifies that, "He's been giving me
arm-wrestle tricks this week. Beating Georgia
will be cake."
"You?" Leo points with disbelief.
Bull laughs, "If you didn't know, I won the
Sandton over thirty arm-wrestling cup in June.
There's a secret to the game."
Okay, first it's a pig, second, he's been
teaching my sister how to arm-wrestle. I am so
behind the times.
Georgia waltzes in at two with her gang of
monkeys and guess what? Sarah's in the crew.
"Frog legs!" Asher mutters, making Lisa
giggle. Aisha steps back to avoid another brawl
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with the so-called queen of fashion. But right
now she looks like she just came from the gym.
She sits down in her tracksuit and she's got a
sweatband that reads Queen.
Abby slams her elbow on the table. "Let's
do this!" Her pig squeals from under the table
and Georgia notices.
"What's that thing doing under the table?"
"My lucky charm."
Friends and family behind Abby and
Georgia's got her girls supporting her as she
clasps her hand with my sister's.
Bull stands beside the table. "On the count
of three." They grip each other tighter. "One...
Two... THREE!"
I don't know how Abby's doing it but she's
fighting this one hard. Their arms shake on the
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table and in seconds you can see sweat beads
falling down.
"What's with you!" Georgia hisses. Abby's
putting her shoulder into it and Asher is
praying. He should've double-thought his
bargain. For a moment, no one gets over the
other's side. I'm praying under my breath too.
Come on, Abby. You're hot! You're hot!... And
all of a sudden her arm fails and my sister's
hand is pressed on the table.
"YES!" Georgia screams.
"NO!" Asher yells.
Sarah pulls out a camera, her eyes flashing
with mischief. "Take off your shirt now!"
Abby shrinks back, face buried in her hands
while Georgia starts singing her victory.
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"Wait a sec!" Bull moves over and grabs
Georgia's arm.
"Quit molesting me, idiot!"
At first we don't get what he means until he
rips off her sweatshirt and reveals some weird
pump behind her arms. "A cheater!" Bull
declares.
I don't believe it! Abby was wrestling
against a hippo and a machine at the same
time. Georgia is flushing with shame right now
like Bull just took her clothes off. She steps
back, all shocked and speechless.
"CHEATER!" Abby and Lisa shout out.
Asher throws his arms up.
"YEAH! YEAH! I'M SAVED!"
Bull does not tolerate cheaters. He has a
special treat for them. A waiter comes with a
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plate of water-balloons but it's not water. It's
hot sauce that's sloshing inside. Georgia's eyes
bulge in fear. Bull grabs a hot sauce-balloon
and beams down at her with a huge grin. It's
been a long time since he got to sauce
somebody.
"You're not..." Sarah stammers as the
fashion queen trembles.
Bull grins, "I am! Hold 'em guys!" A female
waiter grabs Georgia and Lisa goes for Sarah
while the other girls run out. Bull strikes but
Georgia dodges it and falls on the table,
turning it over. The pig squeals as the balloon
bursts behind, sending hot sauce flying off.
Sarah can't wrestle out of Lisa's grip and
decides to pull off my sister's necklace instead
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and in one quick moment it all goes out of
control.
Abby's crawling around for her pig and
Georgia just had to grab it away. She dashes
before the next hot sauce bomb and pulls
Sarah. "Let's go!"
"My PIG!" yells Bull.
Lisa rubs her neck and notices it's gone,
"My necklace!"
Bull is first to run out after them but his
efforts are cut short as the pink sports-car
Georgia came with is already speeding out of
sight.
"Dammit!" he throws a balloon to the
ground. It explodes on him. His white trousers
are red and he's cursing at the wind and crying
for Barny.
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I sigh.
What a scenario.
Well... at least Asher isn't posing naked.
*
Later today, mom walks in the kitchen to
pick up a tray of orange juices and she meets
Lisa, Abby and Aisha around the counter.
They've got canvas spread out between them
and Lisa's mind-mapping out a plan with a
green marker.
"Hey, mom, having fun?" says Abby. Mom
came to get juice for her friends still in the
pool.
"Yeah, what're you girls up to?"
"Tryna make someone scream real loud,"
Aisha replies.
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Mom smiles as she leaves with her tray,
"Well, be nice."
Lisa grins, "We will. My necklace had a
diamond. My first diamond!"
"She'll pay, Lisa," says Aisha, "Let's just
finish the plan."
For the rest of the day Leo and I head to
Chocolate Bank to get something to shake off
the bad mood we're in.
"Can't believe we lost two pigs!" says Leo.
"Two?"
"Barny and Georgia," he sips his milkshake.
I'm not even in the mood for my Vanilla-beer.
It's just in my bottle as I stare and try to choose
between shoving a couple people down it who
forget it's rude to stare. But if Georgia didn't
spread those rumors no one would pay me so
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much attention. Scratch that, rumors are
normal but not an audio version of me and my
girlfriend presumably having sex, which did not
happen. Guess I'm officially an audio-porn
artist. At least I am as much as the comments
on Facebook say. I've just ripped Georgia off
my friend list. When we came to Jo'Burg and
this school, I simply befriended everyone who's
request plopped onto my page. Now I regret
that.
My efforts to ignore the folks and focus on
my drink are failing but I still try. Just stare at
the bottle... stare at the bottle... oh my God!
"Leo look behind me!" I whisper. Leo looks
and cups his hand over his mouth, not in shock,
but to keep from laughing.
"Nde and Sarah! Are they dating?"
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I wonder at their reflection in my bottle. It's
clear to see Nde's looking for a yes on Sarah's
lips but she doesn't seem into it. "Looks like his
charms aren't working on her."
"What a traitor. He's in love with the
enemy!"
I glance back and see them laughing
behind us. "Wanna talk to him?"
Leo gives it a thought. "We'll follow him.
And he better have a good reason.
Backstabber."
Leo, he doesn't have a good reason.
*
There're two ways to make a girl scream.
You can tell her Justin Bieber's coming over to
perform at school, or you can hang her under
the Nelson Mandela bridge low enough so one
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of the trains might knock her down. The girls
back home have racked their brains and they
are going to make hell rain on Georgia.
"It just has to go according to plan," says
Lisa. "It all comes down tomorrow at GodFash.
Georgia won't know what hit her."
"So what do we still need again?" says
Abby.
Aisha checks her list, "Broken umbrella, hot
sauce balloons. We better get to school now if
we're gonna do it big. We need to have all this
set tonight."
"Not a problem," says Abby. "We've snuck
in before with Alex, we can sneak in again!"
*
It's late and I'm sitting in the sports-car
hoping Lisa hasn't seen the photos of Barny
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wearing her diamond necklace that Georgia
and her friends put online. Leo drives slow,
right behind Ndekia who's currently driving
Sarah home.
They park. Nde escorts her to the door.
"He's not getting that kiss, is he?"
"No," says Leo.
He walks back to his car and kicks the tyre
for the bad luck. After he gets in we follow
behind until he leads us to his place. He parks
in the drive but doesn't seem to notice our car
in the shadows.
"Let me phone him," Leo takes out his
phone and dials. From inside I can hear
Ndekia's ringtone. He fumbles in his jeans until
he gets it.
"Hello?"
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"Where've you been the whole day I've
been waiting for you at your place," says Leo.
"Man, I had to go to the mall."
An absolute lie. "Damn you backstabbing,
stupid... Urgh!" Leo steps out the car and he's
fuming. Nde face goes what-the-hell as Leo
approaches him.
"Man, I'm sorry!"
My brother won't listen and he pursues a
one man ambush on Ndekia. Mercilessly.
A van drives by some time later and
suddenly stops by our car. I notice it's our van
and Lisa comes out with Abby and Aisha. Leo's
still wrestling Nde on the grass for being such a
backstabber.
"Where're you from?"
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"The school," says Lisa. "And what're you
doing here?"
I point to Leo and Nde on the ground. I tell
her about him going out with Sarah this
evening and she has the same impression Leo
had. "Of course that is a little inappropriate
right now."
Abby giggles at the sound of Nde pleading
for help. "Leo, you can let him go now."
"Not until he's learned his lesson!"
"I think he's learned," says Lisa. Leo finally
lets go of Nde who bounces back up and backs
away from him.
"So what were you tryna say, partner?" asks
Leo. He'd had him coughing, spitting and
yelping when pinned down.
"Don't matter anymore!"
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"What doesn't matter?" says Abby.
"Everything! I was only trying to make some
friends."
"Looked like more than that. We saw you,"
I say.
Nde sighs. "If you only knew why Sarah
really came here..."
"Sounds like you talked a lot. Anything
about the big event at school?" I ask.
"Yeah. GodFash. She'll be there but
Georgia's treating her like a pet. She hates it.
But she didn't come for Georgia. She isn't even
a student at St. Godwin's!"
"What!"
Nde nods. "It's true. My date isn't so
backstabbing now, is it?"
"So why's she here?" I say.
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Nde's face drops into a little frown like he's
not happy about saying it. And when he does, I
will never forget it! Everyone laughs out loud.
Leo cracks up like hell! Lisa has this huge grin
that won't go off. Aisha's the only one who
doesn't like what he's said. Neither do I. And
it's the least I expected. Ever.
Worst of all, Lisa says it totally fits her plan.
*
It's one of the biggest fashion days of the
year at St. Godwin's and I am not having fun,
thanks to Lisa's plan. I'm in the corridor close to
the changing rooms and I can feel the fire and
excitement spreading from the hall. Wish I was
there.
But I snuck a sneak peak at the hall today.
It's in new decorations, the theme is anything
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African or casual so participators are definitely
throwing on the best they could find in stores
or make themselves. They've even added a
runway from the stage so the participators can
go bling and pose like runway models. Yeah,
there's glamour and class in it all and I have to
be the one sticking around in the corridor.
But it's still the plan.
Leo and Abby are at the parking lot where
they've just found Barny squealing in Georgia's
pink ride and they're trying to get it out. The
poor thing's claustrophobic. Lisa is in the
Ladies, waiting for the perfect moment to act,
Aisha's backstage in the changing room with
the other participators and Asher's in the
crowd, watching the show.
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I can hear Mike stirring up the crowd as he
announces the people who'll be coming
onstage next. Again, I wish I was there. I look
down at my phone, waiting for Lisa's text and
there I see it. It rings on my screen:
Tym 2 act! Gudluk!
I grin. Here goes nothing. I send a message
to Sarah—yes, to Sarah—and I seriously can't
believe I'm doing it.
I luv ur tits. Will u let me lick them?...meet
me outside the P.E dept now! I want u BAD
baby!
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I re-read that text over and over and my
face is a sponge! I just texted her that junk!
Aisha's so going to be mad at me big-time for
not ever telling her that but I'm just flowing
with the plan.
Another message from Lisa flies in:
Great! She's cumng 4 u! N she can't
wait!!!!!!
My stomach turns and I've got this strange
feeling inside that I hate to talk about. All
thanks to Nde! According to him, Sarah didn't
like Asher not because of his height, she liked
me instead but didn't have the guts to say so.
And now she's all overprotective and delicate.
When she came, she didn't know I had a girl,
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so right now, she's hanging out with Georgia
instead, being someone she's not. She's
completely swallowed in the whole charade
and just hoping for either, I take some interest
in her which will be a miracle, or she goes back
home by the end of the week. Talk about
finding your love!
Sarah happily left the stupid job Georgia
gave her to keep watch over her stuff and is
now on her way to have me in a closet doing
things I strictly do not want to do with her. And
she comes round that corner... Her eyes light
up at the sight of me. "I've waited forever!"
I reply with a crooked smile. Her chest and
boobs are purposely showing and I manage to
say a few dreadful words back that I already
regret. "Me too."
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*
Aisha's kneeling down in the Dressing room
and checking if she's done it all right. She
glances at her BlackBerry to see the text Lisa
sent her: Go in! Another text appears just now:
Get away! She's coming back!
It's too late. Georgia just came from her
first appearance onstage and Aisha turns
around to see her behind. Georgia huffs,
placing her hand on her hips. "And what're you
doing here?"
"Um..." Aisha stands up. She's facing six of
them and she's cornered.
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"Um what?" says Georgia. Aisha tries to
sidestep away but one of Georgia's friends
blocks her.
"Just let me go!"
Georgia chuckles, "No. You're not going
anywhere. Not so soon."
It would be easy to just push herself
through if they weren't so big. Aisha feels like a
puppy being bullied by elephants. And it's not
looking too good.
Leo and Abby finally get back. They
managed to get Barny but Lisa's necklace was
nowhere. They might've pawned it. Abby
meets Lisa in the toilet with her pig. It's
practically our control centre for the whole
thing. "So how's everything?" asks Abby.
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"Still working it out," says Lisa. She pulls
out her phone again to check the time.
"Anytime now... anytime..."
I can't wait anytime! Sarah's fingers are
caressing my neck and all the other places she
wants to put her lips on. The closet we're in is
dark and it smells like a duck just died. "You're
not kissing me." She's got me backed up
against the wall and she keeps pressing her
body on me and I am out of excuses. I try to
make up another lie but I sneeze. Before I open
up I sneeze again. Her body. Her perfume. It's
messing with my nose and for the first time in
my life it's actually a good thing. I just have to
sneeze my way through this.
Aisha is surrounded and cornered. No one
can help her. Georgia's got her fists clenched
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and her teeth grit with despise. "You're a dead,
bitch!"
Aisha backs away as they approach until
she hits the wall. "Georgia, we could actually
talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about. I've got you
where I want you! Girls..."
And all she can do is wait for her to give
them the cue to mess her up. With one eye
shut, she bites her lip, thinking of how she'll
escape this when someone comes at the door.
"Georgia?"
Georgia looks back, "What is it?"
"You and your fellas are on now! We're
waiting!"
"Shit! Why so early?"
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And it's like they've completely forgotten
about Aisha. They do a quick change and hurry
out in their new outfits. Aisha slides down the
wall all the way to the floor. Phew! She watches
as Georgia grabs her umbrella for her rain-trick
and she smiles. It's just as planned.
"Time to open your mouth, sweetheart!"
says Sarah. Unfortunately I've stopped sneezing
and she's licking her lips to turn me on.
"You should back away a little. You don't
want me sneezing, right? I'm allergic." She
pouts at my excuse and grabs me tighter. She
doesn't care. Her arms go round my shoulders
and her eyes close. No! She's going to do it...
A text plops into my phone.
"Hold on!" thank goodness. I reach for my
phone as Sarah pouts. The text is from Lisa.
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Alryt now u can ditch Sarah
Thank God! It's not hard anyway. She's used
to my excuses by now. I walk out the closet and
leave her waiting for me to come back from the
washroom. Way to go!
So long, girl. So long.
I get back to the hall in time to see Georgia
and her monkeys do the walk up and down the
stage. She gets an average cheer. So much for
being popular. A hippo is not likely to get guys
mesmerized anyway. Georgia finishes last. She
goes down the runway, swinging her umbrella
and poses. Someone backstage pulls the rope
for her to bring down the fake rain as Georgia
clicks open the umbrella.
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To her surprise it's got big holes tattered all
over it and what comes down is not water. It's
hot sauce-balloons! Georgia did not see this
coming!
She screams! They all scream as the
balloons explode all over her. Her friends try to
help and they get their clothes stained in red
sauce. The place goes wild with laughter!
Georgia is a sorry gorilla right now.
And to infuriate her, Aisha walks by the
runway in her African dress. She swings an
umbrella like Rihanna and clicks it open as she
poses. The heavenly rain pours down. The
place is crazy with cheers and applause.
Georgia glares at her with so much hate.
She looks so helpless on the floor with all that
sauce around her.
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"Your pain, my pride," Aisha tells her and
as she turns she classically says it with fashion,
"And you, my pain, have just been sauced!"
Emotions blow up and Georgia's glare turns
watery with tears. Do I care? No! And I'm not
ashamed.
Lisa gives Aisha a high-five backstage and
Leo and Abby come over as well. It all went
according to plan. Georgia's still whining
onstage. She looks like a mess. Sarah's still
waiting for me. She must be obsessed. That
rhymes and it's time to wrap up and get this
over-with: Georgia got hers and she's not so
popular anymore. Sarah goes back home to
Pretoria with a broken heart. Abby returned
Barny to Bull and the poor pig was butchered
as I predicted. Sad? You eat pork too so don't
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be a hypocrite. Next day at school it's English
period and I'm finally finishing my story. This
time everyone's interested excepted for a few
of Georgia's monkeys sitting at the back and
looking like they just got divorced.
Anyway, "So when Proserpina saw the
adultery her nymph had done, she turned
Minthes into a herb so she would be forever
trampled on people's feet. Because revenge is
so sweet, she kept people trampling and
treading on her forever by giving Minthes
eternal fragrance and freshness. And that's why
the mint herb is so refreshing today."
The class claps for my story but just Aisha
gets the message behind it. Just like Minthes,
someone big turned small and she will stay
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down for a good time. Well, that's the art of
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13
THE GIRL WITH THE RED BEARD
"Mom, it's like this, after school Abby was
getting herself some ice-cream at the truck
when her so-called gentleman stepped over
and bought it for her, they had a conversation
and all of a sudden Abby's got a date!"
Mom's just laughing out loud, listening to
my version of the story as she washes the
dishes. All the others have given their version.
"So what's wrong with that guys?" mom
asks, "You should be happy for Abby!"
"Yeah!" says a stubborn Abby, "Y'all should
be happy for me... Jealous!"
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The thing here is that most of us don't
really approve of her new date. No, it's not the
date... it's the GUY!
"Abby, you don't get it," I tell her.
"No, you don't get me!" she counters,
"You've got Aisha, you can at least let me have
somebody!"
"Abby, d'you even know the color of his
skin?" Leo attacks, wearing his sly smile.
"Now, Leo that's racial," says mom.
"Love knows no color, idiots!" says Abby.
"What I mean is just how well do you know
this guy?"
"He's a gentleman because he helped buy
me ice-cream, he said he liked me and didn't
have the courage to tell me before and he
sounds honest about the date."
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"What's his name?" asks Lisa.
"Silvian Kres but he says I can call him
Softwater. He's from New York."
"Soft water?" that sounds awfully funny and
familiar. I remember coming across that name
on YouTube when watching some dance
videos.
"No, Softwater," Abby corrects me, "One
word."
"OMG, that is so gay!" says Leo.
Abby's tone jumps higher, "He's not gay!"
Lisa laughs so hard she's buckling down
and holding onto the pain in her stomach.
Mom can hardly do the dishes anymore.
Earlier today after school Abby was out
trying to get herself some good ice-cream. But
it's a bit hard for her. She can't see and
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sometimes there's lots of people bustling
about that it's almost impossible for her to get
ice-cream on her own. And then this guy who
doesn't even study at our school came up and
asked her what ice-cream she wanted.
"Whatever's crunchy," said Abby. In a
moment Silvian—or Softwater put one in her
hand. When I came they were were talking and
Abby seemed really happy. He left when Leo
and Lisa arrived and Abby was like, "Guess
what? I got a date!"
Leo doesn't agree with it a bit.
"Leo, you don't own me. I like Softwater
and I'm going out with him," says Abby,
settling the matter with a glass of orange juice.
"Besides, you got Kayla."
"That guy is not my girl!"
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"Guy?" I ask.
Abby laughs. "Haven't you heard? Leo's
girlfriend grew a beard!"
"WHAT!"
Lisa laughs, "Still don't get how that
happened!"
"She was not and will never be my girl. We
just went out a lot but she just ain't the one for
me. And I don't want to teach her how to
shave."
"Gross! Too bad Leo," I chuckle.
"Shut up. How'd you feel if your chick
suddenly grew a beard? How could you kiss
that thing? Kayla looks like Bin Laden right
now!"
Mom cracks up and almost breaks a plate.
"Maybe she had some bad medication. You
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heard about drugs that can tamper with your
sex hormones. I think Kayla caught one of
those."
"No, mom," says Leo. "She's a jumper. I
wasn't the only guy she was dating. She's been
scavenging guys for money and thank God that
STD came with a beard to teach her a
goddamn lesson!"
"Careful, Abby," says mom. "You don't
want to get that from Softwater."
Abby turns her volume up, "MOM! How
could you?"
"Just kidding, darling. You should go
shopping for that date."
"Yeah I should!" Abby acts cranky now.
She's so cute when we mess with her mind.
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"Y'all leave that to me," says Lisa. "I can
turn a nun into a stripper!"
"Lisa, please keep to the descent clothe
section," mom laughs.
"It's all right, mom, a little skin ain't bad.
Ain't this how I was born?"
"But not a little too much. You already have
enough letters from those weird boys."
"They just like my buns, big deal. I love to
be attractive and I'm putting the Abby in Baby
with this guy."
We laugh. She can be cheesy. It's going to
be one fun trip to the mall.
*
"Ally, we're almost leaving," says Lisa. I'm
in my room trying to see what shoes to wear
when I notice the fact that I could use a few
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more pairs. Sneakers? High-tops? But not
a Supra! That thing is way too much attention.
I check my closet and find an old green pair of
sneakers. I smile. The shoe is talking to me. My
toes really tore through these ones. I pull them
out and have a good look at them. My dance
shoes. I haven't danced in a long while now.
Besides the clubbing I still feel like I need to let
a little more out to the world. You know, to be
me. To be naked. I think I'll like to get a new
pair of shoes that match these so I take them
with me downstairs.
When I get down mom smiles at my old
sneakers. Lisa fails to hide her grin and hides
herself in the kitchen. I know what they think.
"Alex, baby, can we talk?" says mom.
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"Funny you and Aisha are the only people
who ever call me that."
"Haha, come here," she takes me to the
living-room behind the kitchen and we sit down
at the couch. Asher and Leo are playing the
latest FIFA on the huge TV. They've got
headphones plugged in so mom doesn't
bother to shoo them away.
"You like those shoes?" mom asks me.
"Yeah. They were cool," I tell her.
She smiles, "Just want you to know that you
were cool too. And I honestly don't want you to
quit dancing."
Okay, I'm smiling. Almost blushing to be
honest.
She collects her long hair behind her back.
"And you're still cool."
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"You people used to say how much trouble
these shoes cost me... and us."
"Well, we're sorry about that. Mr Don
should be sorry too!" She makes me laugh.
"We shouldn't have made you feel like that.
You know what? I love stubborn kids. And I'm
happy I raised you all to be very stubborn
people. Stubborn in the good sense, you know
what I mean, right?"
I nod.
"Good. So um..." she pats my shoes, "Go
get yourself a nice pair of dance shoes. I want
you to look really hot in them... sexy if
possible," she giggles with her heart out—I
love that about her, "And when you're doing
what you want and feel like you're showing off
a little too much skin to the world until you feel
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naked. You're not wrong. You're born this way,
Alex. So don't quit. Be stubborn. Be who you
are. Be a great dancer. Now go to the mall and
get naked!"
Whoa. It's one of the most touching things
my mom ever says to be. I'll be stubborn—that
of course. I want to say how happy she makes
me and how bad I love her but I'm tongue tied
in all these emotions. I just say thank you and
goodbye.
*
We step into the mall. Cool A/C is chilling
me to the bone. We picked up Aisha too. She's
really exited about Abby but we know she
wants to see Softwater so she can diss him. She
had the same, "He's gay!" reaction when she
heard his nickname. Abby didn't mind her, they
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argue all the time. Asher's with us too. Leo
drove us in the Hummer and we never travel in
separate cars, we love to stick together. It's
funny when you make a small guy drive a big
car. I don't mean Leo's small but that's
something we're used to seeing Asher drive.
You know, just doesn't fit!
"So watcha buying, Alex?" says Lisa as we
pass by McDonalds.
"Shoes and maybe a new T."
"Probably another sports-car," says Asher,
messing with Lisa. They had a funny argument
when he pulled in a sixth car into the drive last
Friday. Lisa was like, "Asher, we don't need
another car! Five are enough!"
Asher was like, "Can't blame me for falling
in love. Besides, when I walked into the
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showroom, I almost started licking some of the
rides. Those cars are damn sexy!"
Now Lisa's gritting her teeth trying not to
laugh at Asher's joke. But no messing with
Asher, he might actually mean a seventh.
"Wouldn't be surprised to see you get dad
a stretch limo on his birthday," says Lisa.
"Don't give him ideas," says Abby.
"Look who's talking," Asher counters,
"SHOPAHOLICS!"
We crack up! After Asher got famous and
earned more 0's in his account, he let Lisa have
tons of cash and she was heading to the mall
twice a month for new clothes, new jewelry,
new gadgets, new everything! She was almost
insane dad considered having her some
therapy. I'm serious it was getting really bad.
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She would buy new pairs of jeans every two
weeks for no reason. But she doesn't give the
old ones to charity. She has this rule. If she buys
new clothes for herself, she'll buy new clothes
for charity. You know, loving others as yourself.
But we just have the luxury for that, and try to
do what feels morally fair.
Lisa, Abby and my girlfriend dive into
Woolworth's (Lisa's favorite) and I head with my
brothers to get some new shoes.
"Abby, you should try this," Aisha holds up
a flimsy black T.
"Is it cool?" says Abby.
"Um..." Lisa fails to comment.
"Wait, it's got a huge skull in the front?"
"Yeah," says Lisa. Typically Aisha.
"What's with you, rockstar?"
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"It's seriously cool. I'll buy it for myself,"
says Aisha.
"Rock can be devilish," says Abby.
"No it's not! This is Memento Mori!"
"What?" Lisa and Abby are raising
eyebrows.
"Death-head as a reminder of our mortality!
You should listen to Fly Leaf."
"Whatever, rockstar," Abby skips to the
next section, "Can't see what my brother likes
in you."
"Likewise, baby. Softwater? D'you pick him
off the streets?"
"Alex was picked off the streets before he
was at House of Knights!" Abby counters.
Aisha fumes up, "Shut up. Bad joke!"
"I don't lie—"
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"OKAY THIS DRESS LOOKS PRETTY
COOL!" Lisa spares them a fist fight. Those two
love to argue. And that's why they're cool
friends. She pushes Abby away before she says
anything worse. And by the way, the dress was
pretty ugly.
"Perfect! Just perfect!" I pay for my new
pairs of shoes and walk out with them in a bag.
I don't wait to put on some new high-tops. I
don't like to wait. We meet the girls at
McDonald where we grab an evening snack.
"Next stop, the salon," says Abby.
"Abby, does it ever bother you that every
time you come out a salon you don't know how
look?" asks Aisha.
"You tryna be nice with me?"
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"Are we?"
"No it doesn't bother me, I have an
awesome imagination and your body is like a
ketchup bottle with ugly hair sprouting up like
broccoli. And the most awful figure!"
"I hope they give you a beard at the salon!"
"Don't they shut up?" I ask Lisa.
She chuckles, "Impossible. But enjoy it.
Every family needs some drama."
"Can't wait till they're sticking forks in each
other's lungs," says Asher. He's got a new silver
chain with the letter A dangling on his chest.
What the heck, I'll just sip my cream-soda.
*
"Have a seat," Softwater pulls the chair for
Abby later that night at a restaurant. She sits
down in her elegant dress and she's still
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wearing her sunglasses. When he came home
to pick Abby up mom gave him the head-totoe look just to give him a scare. It didn't work.
And Leo was saying, "That punk's gonna take
you to McDonald's." In reality, Abby is sitting in
a 5 star restaurant and I'm sure when Aisha
finds out, she's going to kick my shin for not
taking her out like that.
"Lisa told me you're looking really good,"
says Abby.
"Haha," he chuckles, "I do my best. You're
incredibly beautiful too!"
"Wow, nobody tells me that... no wait,
everyone tells me that."
"Hehe. You've got one sense of humor. Tell
me about your family."
Abby smiles, "It's awesome."
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Suddenly her phone rings. She picks up and
says hello.
"Abby, are you okay?" says Leo.
"Leo, I'm fine. I told you to call on
emergency only."
"Just wanted to check."
"Go to bed or something."
Leo hangs up. What an overprotective idiot
brother.
"Told you it was a bad idea," says Lisa.
"C'mon, what if he's feeding her frog
legs?"
"Lay off, man it's her date," says Asher.
We're just trying to watch this basketball game
but every now and then Leo starts talking
about Abby.
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"I don't trust him. He makes my bones
vibrate."
What the hell. It's only her first date. I plug
in my headphones and listen to some songs on
Leo's phone. It's all Hip Hop and I'm hearing
cuss words all the way to the chorus.
"Leo, how do you listen to all this?"
"Hip Hop rocks dude!"
"And these days it's all about four letter
words," I share one headphone with him so he
can listen. "There.. there there and there... and
there."
"Big deal. Music's still great. It's just
words."
"Just words?" says Lisa.
"Punk-ass m-word means nothing when it's
music."
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"Seriously?" I ask. "I dare you to say the mword to somebody and we'll see if it means
nothing."
"I need a reason to say that."
"Our point," says Lisa. "Those rappers have
no reason to say it like that. You can't even
publish lyrics in the papers these days."
"Why this propaganda against Hip Hop?"
"We're not against Hip Hop," says Asher,
"We're against dirty lyrics. It's too much
nowadays."
"You guys are talking like mom and dad!
Can we just watch the game and shut up."
It's not a bad idea. And I'm tired from a
long day already. Mom walks by and sits beside
Asher. "There's some milkshake if anyone
would like some."
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"Thanks but I'm not moving," Asher
chuckles. He just loves basketball.
"It's been my pleasure," says Softwater. He
leads Abby out. "Oh and just a minute. I'll be
right back."
"Okay." She listens to his footsteps
disappear back inside the restaurant. Without
warning a hand grabs her collar. Abby screams
and then a another hand stifles her cry.
"Shhh. I'm not gonna hurt you."
Abby's trembling now, "Who are you."
"A friend. And I've come to warn you about
that guy your with. Stay away from him if you
love your face." Abby realizes it's a woman.
"Why?"
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A headlight beams at them and the woman
let's her go and walks away just as Softwater
returns. I'm with Leo in the car when Abby
notices it's us. She knows the very sound of it.
"I thought I was driving you home," says
Softwater.
"There's no need. Thanks again."
We tried but we couldn't convince Leo to
let Silvian bring Abby home. Leo kept talking
about all the horrible things that might've
happened until mom let him go. And I'm here
to make sure there's peace.
Leo steps out and throws Abby a hug. "Was
so worried."
"You're ridiculous!" says Abby, getting into
the backseat.
"Are you mad I called?"
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"Of course not. It means you care the
most."
"I gave him the idea," I say and take the car
off the parking.
"You did not and I'm not sharing the credits
with you! Wanna listen to some Lil Wayne
songs?"
"Of course! Anytime!" yells Abby.
I roll my eyes as I peel into the streets. No
wonder he's missed her.
*
School's fun the next day. It's finally hometime and Aisha's wearing her black T with the
huge skull sparkling in the front. She's had
quite some comments about it. Skulls on
clothes is not new but this one that Aisha
bought is different. It's like the T-shirt is saying,
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"Hey, check this out!" It's all over her and it's
dead-scary, especially to Mrs. Gala and the
principal.
"You like my T-shirt?"
Her question makes me laugh, "Did you
have to ask me that?"
She kinda blushes as we pass the lockers on
our way out. "Even if you wore the worst
clothes in the world I'd still call you beautiful.
So much for being in love with you."
She chuckles, "So you like it?"
"Kinda. It suits your attitude."
"I hope you mean that in a good way..."
she eyes me steadily.
I pat her shoulder, "Georgia's dead you
don't need to worry 'bout the rest of the
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haters. Be you. Be naked... okay I got that from
my mom."
She laughs and I love the sound of it. "You
get all the good stuff from your mom."
"At least I'm honest about that."
"Yep, you are. Some of you just peal the
lines off the Internet. And thanks."
I kiss her forehead, then her cheek. "Next is
your lips but after I come back." I hold her
hand, the way you do when you're about you
leave a girl.
"Uhh..." she whines. "Where're you
going?"
"P.E teacher. It's about the basketball
game. Won't take long." She finally lets go of
me and goes down the stairs outside. She
passes the parking lot and saunters to the ice!
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cream parked close to the road. She walks
there as innocent as a girl can be, hands dug in
her pockets and loving her new T when a
strange guy comes over.
Aisha gives him a glassy stare as he
stretches out a strawberry ice-cream for her.
"I've seen you with strawberry before and
thought I might save you the trouble for once if
I bought it for you."
"Um... no thanks."
"Oh, I'm sorry," he let's out a hand for a
shake. "I'm Silvian. But you can call me
Softwater"
Aisha keeps her arms crossed to herself and
stares right through him like a ghost.
"You're not gonna shake my hand?"
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"Nope. Hey, did you say your name is
Softwater?"
"You're quite funny. You remind me of a
library book 'cause I always wanna check you
out!"
A smile tears across her face. "So you came
to check me out?"
He grins back. "And help you with some
ice-cream but it seems you don't want it.
Maybe it's because they don't have it up
there," he points up to the sky, "By the way,
did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
Aisha laughs out. She can't help it.
"Yeah it did. So you should go and let me
have some good air to breathe," before she
turns around Softwater counters again.
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"Not before you take off your clothes to
show me where you hide your wings."
"Boy you are so mushy and fake.
Everything you say is from the net and I'm not
interested so why don't you get lost."
Softwater clears his throat, "Uh-hem... Your
eyes—"
"Get away! I've got a boyfriend and he's
gonna pound you if you keep this up. And find
a straight nickname."
He finally takes a step back after that. He
looks up and sees me down the stairs.
Before I come Silvian turns away and mixes
into the crowd around the ice-cream truck.
"What's he still doing here?" I ask Aisha.
"You won't believe it," she replies, "That
freak came and tried to make a move on me!
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He even bought me ice-cream. Calls himself
Softwater."
"You mean Abby's Softwater?"
Aisha suddenly stops in her tracks and
snaps her fingers, facing me like she just
discovered teleportation. "Yeah! Gotta be him!
The guy's a cheater and a player. And his
haircut sucks!"
My teeth grit with anger. "And an asshole. I
swear that ice-cream would be up his ass if I
was here."
"We better tell Abby."
"Where is that guy?"
"Forget him. You don't want to be expelled
for fighting in school. Let's go home we can
work out something better."
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It's a good idea. And I don't want to twist
anybody's legs so it's best I keep away from
that guy.
*
When we get home Lisa opens the door for
us. She's wearing a crooked smile like she's
afraid of laughing about something.
"Hey, Lisa," I'm about to step inside but
she stops me with her arm.
"Before you come in understand we have a
guest and she's very sensitive."
"Who is it?"
Lisa clears her throat. "Kayla."
"Oh my God! How's the beard?"
"Alex!" Lisa scolds me in a hush tone. "Be
nice! She's sensitive."
"All right, all right."
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"This is gonna be so cool," says Aisha. Lisa
whacks her in the stomach. "Be nice!"
"Okay."
When we get inside she's right there at the
kitchen table with Leo and Abby. We snort in
our attempt to not laugh. Her face is shaved
but you can still see lots of tiny bits of hair on
her new sideburns.
"Flo-rida!" Aisha blurts out and can't help
from laughing out loud. "Girl you look just like
Flo-rida. Who did this to you?"
Lisa whacks her on the head. Kayla simply
rolls her eyes. She tells us she's taking
medication to get rid of the beards.
"It's not funny, guys," says Leo.
Kayla frowns. "Let them laugh."
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"And you shouldn't be walking around
without a covering. Heck, you can't walk
around at all," says Leo.
"Why?"
"My friends come to ask me if you're the
girl I was going out with and now I have to
deny it."
"Deny it?"
"How can I admit I went out with a girl with
a beard!"
Lisa cuts in, "People let's be nice. Kayla
could use some support. She didn't ask for this.
Besides, she has something to tell us."
We all sit round the table. I'm next to Abby.
She whispers in my ear, "You'll tell me what
she's like when she's gone, okay?" I look back
at Kayla and the shaven face and fight the urge
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to laugh. Half man, half woman. Flo-rida
sideburns. Female hustler. The list goes on in
my mind. I clear my throat and try to be serious
and listen to what she has to say.
"I don't know how it happened but I was
dating this guy and then at night I receive a
phone call from a woman and she tells me that
I'm in trouble. She said she cared for my face
and if I did too then I should quit going out
with the guy I was with. "
"Hold on," Abby cuts in, "You talking about
Silvian?"
Kayla's eyes light up, "Yeah, how did you
know?"
"Last night I was talking to this girl and she
told me to stay away from him too!"
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"What the!" All of the sudden I am jawdropped. What a connection!
"I knew that guy was no good!" says Leo,
feeling all proud he was right the whole time.
"He's a player," says Aisha. "He even made
a move on me after school."
"Did you punch him for me?" says Abby.
She's sitting straight up and her temper is
already flaring.
"Nah, he was cheesy so I spared him. Now I
think of it, I should've punched him."
Abby pounds a fist on the table.
"I think it's okay to call someone the mword now," Leo grins.
"Good for nothing, rotten garbage head
punk-ass doofus underwear shameless bastard
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from the goddamn underworld! If I find that
two-face octopus I don't know what I'll do!"
"Calm down, Abby," I rub her back. "We'll
think of something."
"But how did you end up with that beard?"
Lisa asks.
"Well, the girl on the phone told me that
Silvian once had a girlfriend but then she was
too hairy so he left her for someone else. She
got mad and put something in the other girl's
food or drink when they were going out and
she grew a beard. So Silvian left her too but his
first girl keeps following him so whoever Silvian
tries to date ends up with a beard!"
"Maybe the girl who told you this could be
the first girl Silvian dated!" Leo suggests.
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"And she told me to stay sway from him for
my own good. For my own face," says Abby.
But one thing just doesn't seem right here. I
raise the thought, "But last night we saw you
talking to a dude, not a girl, Abby."
"Yeah," Leo agrees. "When we came he
left. He had one hell of a beard too."
Abby shakes her head, "I didn't talk to any
guy last night. I spoke with a girl."
"This all doesn't make any sense," I say.
"This is so cool!" says Aisha. Everyone turns
to her for what she just said—awkward moment
style. "What? It is!"
"Hold on, guys," Lisa sits straight, "Aisha
you said Softwater made a move on you
today?"
She nods, "Yeah."
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Her fingers snap and she smiles, "Bingo!
This makes perfect sense!"
"How?" Kayla can't understand. Neither do
we.
"What d'you find out?" asks Abby.
"It's really simple guys," Lisa lays it down
for us, "There is no first girl who was hairy.
Silvian's giving girls beards himself! He's a
player. If it was true then he wouldn't make a
move on Aisha when he was still dating Abby
and she hasn't grown a beard. It's all him!"
"Whoa!" Once again, Lisa bewilders me.
She tells us the guy we saw walking away
from Abby last night was actually a girl with a
beard! That proves she's not the villain here.
She's a victim just like Kayla and all the other
girls who ended up with a beard too.
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Abby pounds the table again, "So it was
him the whole time. Mom was right. He would
give me a beard!"
"But we need proof that he's really putting
beards on girls," I say.
"I think I know," says Kayla. "He took me to
his apartment downtown and there's this
drawer he didn't want me to touch in his room.
He whacked my hand away."
"That was when you were looking for his
condom and he said it was in the drawer,"
Abby blurts out. Kayla is blushing and she sinks
low. Way to go, Abby! She won't care about
embarrassing people.
"That's not important," Kayla blushes, "At
least I have a clue. And I know how to break
in."
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"Hey guys, I got something to contribute
here." We turn to Aisha who for the first time
seems serious about this. "I've got a plan. It's
not too cool but we can corner him good
enough."
So we listen to her. It's not bad. It's not
easy. But it's worth the justice and we are
making this guy pay for all the girls he gave
beards to.
*
"There he is," Aisha pulls down the
binoculars and nudges me. We're up the stairs
to the school's main entrance the next day. She
passes me the binoculars and points ahead so I
know where to look. I zoom in around the icecream truck, closer to the cars in the lot and I
can see him.
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"His new haircut does suck," I reply.
Softwater is smoking a cigarette and looking
around. Probably on the look out for more hot
girls to play with. "So we tell Lisa and Abby to
go ahead?"
"Not after we inform Kayla and Leo."
"Asher's with them too."
"Good idea," she pulls out her Blackberry
and texts Leo:
Softwater's here. We'll try 2 kp him arnd.
How's it on ur side?
Leo reads the next as Asher parks the car
just outside a high-rise building downtown.
"How about here?" he asks.
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"Just fine," says Kayla. "Leo, why don't you
stay?"
"Cool. Softwater's at school now."
"Perfect. Guess we should get going."
Asher and Kayla step out and disappear
behind the glass doors. They head for the
elevator.
Alryt, Kayla & Asher r in!
Aisha smiles at Leo's text.
Cool, best of luck!
Then she texts Lisa.
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Kayla & Asher r in. But hold on till they get
whatever softwater's got in his drawer.
Aye aye captain!
"You're enjoying this aren't you?" I hand
her back the binoculars.
"Immensely!"
"Kayla will need that luck. It's a fifty-fifty."
"Yeah. They do."
The elevator doors slide open and Kayla
and Asher walk onto the 17th story. A couple of
people are getting into their homes. It's tense
for them. They walk back and forth till the coast
is clear and stop at door number 334.
"Cover me," Kayla crouches by the door as
Asher blocks her. She pulls out a hair-clip and
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gives it a few twists before twitching it in the
keyhole. The sound of footsteps come round
the corridor.
"Come on, Kayla!"
"I'm trying!" she gasps and bends the hairclip again for another try. The footsteps sound
louder and louder...
"Kayla!"
"Got it!" she flings open the door and falls
inside. Asher hurries in and shuts it tight.
"Phew! That was good!"
"How much longer shall I wait before I can
pound that sucker!"
"Abby, be patient," says Lisa. "Waiter,
another smoothie please."
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They're waiting at Naughty Forks for Aisha's
instructions. "I don't want another smoothie, I
want to kick some butt!"
Lisa huffs, "Calm down then and be
patient."
"Why can't we just go back to school and
pulverize him?"
"Because we're following Aisha's plan this
time."
"And who let her speak?"
"The human rights charter, freedom of
expression and I think you should consider the
right to remain silent. You're unbearable."
"I just want to—I mean, how could he?"
Lisa sighs and pats her back. "Some guys
are jerks. It's good you have the experience."
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A plate of wine glasses suddenly drops
down and shatters across the floor. Lisa turns
back. The waiter is trembling. Eyes popping
and hair on end.
"What's that?" Abby wonders.
Lisa looks at what the waiter just saw and
she finds herself speechless. It's so creepy she's
losing her mind. "Abby, you should be grateful
you can't see this!"
A few people at the restaurant faint, falling
backwards on their chairs or into their meals.
"What is it?"
Six ladies with huge beards waltz in like
commandos in their tight army jeans and
boots. And they're swinging baseball bats like
it's nobody's business!
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"Six girls with beards and one of them
looks like Abraham Lincoln!" Lisa's voice
shrivels. "And the leader's got a red beard!"
"FUDGE!" Abby's jaw drops.
But what they least expect... the girls are
coming for them!
Another text drops into her Blackberry from
Kayla.
we got em! Silvian's drawer was full of pills
in small envelopes riten '4 beards'
Great job guys! I'll tell Lisa she can go
ahead wit her part
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"An early success?" I've read her text and it
seems we're good.
"Yup. Part one complete. Now for part
two!" Aisha sends a text to Lisa:
U cn call Silvian now, they have the
evidence to flush him down the toilet!
Lisa skims the text as the girls with beards
walk to their table. Abby doesn't move. She
can feel the tension in the atmosphere as the
six girls surround their table, their bats swaying
over their backs.
"How may we help you," Lisa's trying to
sound polite but she gives away her fear.
"I knew we'd find you!" says the girl with
the red beard.
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"What did we do?" asks Abby.
The Lincoln girl blurts out, "Our faces!"
"We're not the ones!" Abby yells.
"Yes you are. We've been tracking you
down for days—"
"I swear we didn't give you beards!" Lisa
tries to stand up but the red-bearded girl
pushes her down.
"Prove it!"
"WE CAN!" says Lisa. She tries to explain
what we've found out about Softwater but the
response is negative. They only want proof!
The Lincoln girl peers down at Lisa. Her
eyes squint with anger, "Proof. Or you two are
chicken soup!"
Lisa slips back, trembling.
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"And you'll be looking worse than the
meanest, blackest, ugliest, most disgusting
woman on this planet!"
Gulp. Lisa takes it down her throat. "I can
prove we're telling the truth! Softwater's the
culprit!"
"And you have twenty minutes!"
*
Kayla and Asher quietly shut the door
behind them.
"Great job," Asher whispers. Kayla grins
back. They head for the elevator at the end of
the corridor when someone calls out.
"Hey, wait!"
They turn.
It's a police officer.
"Oh shit!" Kayla mutters under her breath.
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"Hold on a sec," the officer approaches
them.
"Why don't we run," Asher suggests.
"Do you people live on this floor?" asks the
police, pointing at Silivian's door. Kayla
trembles and slips the small envelope of pills in
her back pocket. "And what's that you got?"
"Um..." Kayla tries but can't think of an
excuse.
Asher bellows, "FIRE ALARM! KAYLA LET'S
GO!" He grabs her arm and they dash for the
stairs.
"HEY!" the police officer darts after them.
"Oh my God. We are in super-shit!" Kayla
gasps as they run down the long fire-escape
staircase. They take twists and hop into the
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12th story and run for the elevator. "Asher, do
know what you're doing?"
"NO!"
And they're banging on the doors until the
elevator comes and opens up. It's infuriating to
wait for the doors to close again. On the other
end the police comes out the from the stairs
and points at them.
"STOP RIGHT THERE!"
Kayla cries out. "Won't this stupid door
close!" The cop is running after them and the
doors are still open. "Come on!" She's
pounding the elevator walls with her fist so
hard she could break a wrist. "Fucking close!"
The cop is just a couple of feet away running as
fast as he can. The elevator finally clicks.
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"YES!" yells Asher as the doors start
coming together.
"NO! STOP!" the cop jumps with his arms
stretched out, feet off the floor and
unfortunately he's just a second late as his face
meets the steel doors.
"Yay!" Kayla throws her hands up. "We did
it!"
The elevator opens up and they run out as
fast as they can. Leo is waiting in the car. "You
got it?"
"Yeah!" Kayla waves the envelope for him
to see.
"Awesome!" They quickly get in and Leo
speeds the car away. He takes a left turn onto
the road but before he can accelerate, the
police officer suddenly jumps in the way.
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"What the hell!" he hits the breaks and
burns rubber.
"Super-duper shit!" yells Kayla. "I can't
believe he followed us here!"
"He's after you?" Leo's face turns into a
sponge. "I don't wanna go to jail!" The officer
gets up and pulls out a pen and paper. His
handcuffs dangle from his belt. Not good.
"When an officer says stop, you stop!" he
beams down and takes a look inside the car.
"Are you Asher Cyprian?"
Asher's lips don't tremble. His look is stern
and he's ready for anything. "Yes."
The officer sighs, "Thank God! Can I have
your autograph?"
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A phone call... I dig my pockets for the
phone. It's my sister.
"Hey Lisa—"
"ALEX, WE'VE GOT TROUBLE!"
"What happened?" I have to ask her to
calm down and repeat what she's trying to say
three times. She sounds so out of her skin right
now. She tells me what's happened with the six
bearded girls and that they think she's the
culprit.
"THEY THINK I DOPED THEM, GAVE
THEM BEARDS AND IF WE DON'T HAVE
THAT EVIDENCE IN TWENTY MINUTES WE
ARE NEVER GOING TO BE MARRIED!"
"We need to change plans."
"LIKE DUH!"
"Easy, Lisa. We'll come up with something."
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"HURRY!"
Abby can't relax. Her voice sounds over the
phone too. "WHERE'S THE PLAN B?
EVERYONE KNOWS YOU AIN'T GOOD
WITHOUT A PLAN B! DOES AISHA HAVE A
PLAN B? SHE BETTER HAVE A PLAN B
GODDAMNIT OR ELSE!"
Lisa was loud enough for Aisha to hear
everything. She's gritting her teeth from the
challenge of our predicament.
"Plan B?" I say.
"Never saw this coming," she replies
sheepishly.
"My sisters' looks are on the line."
She gulps it down. The sour truth. "I know."
The plan was for us to keep an eye on
Silvian while Kayla and the others got the
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evidence we needed to trash him. After that
Abby would call Silvian so they could meet up
at Naughty Forks for lunch and Kayla with my
brothers would shock him with the evidence
there and Abby could kick his ass for it. But
that's all changed.
A text from Kayla appears on Aisha's
Blackberry again:
got held up by a cop bt we r on our way nw
"Hey," I suddenly have an idea. "I think I
know a good plan B." I fill her in on it and it
leaves her smiling.
"And you might be reading my mind," she
replies. Her fingers dance over her phone as
she forwards a message to both Lisa and Kayla:
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change of plans u shud cum 2 skul instd
"You ready?" she asks me.
"Yeah," I pick up the binoculars and when I
look I see Softwater is about to leave. I tell
Aisha right away.
"No no no. He can't leave!"
I immediately fly down the stairs. "I'll try to
hold him up a few minutes." Aisha follows but
I'm already far ahead. Softwater's saying
goodbye to some girls and once he sees me he
turns around and starts leaving. "Hey! Wait
up!"
He walks faster.
"WILL YOU WAIT!"
He jogs.
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"SILVIAN!"
He spins round to face me, "I SWEAR I
DIDN'T HIT ON YOUR CHICK SHE'S LYING!"
"Relax, I just want to talk."
His eyes squint and he beams at me,
"Talk?"
I nod, "Yeah."
"Tweet me at-Softwater," he turns around
and heads for his car. Dammit. I should've let
Aisha do this. Now I'm losing him! As he walks
away I steal a glance at his shoes and my heart
stops. Bushtramp high-tops! That's a hot foot
for a dancer! And suddenly it all clicks in my
head as I remember Softwater and the dance
videos I watched on YouTube that were posted
by the same name. Or possibly the same
person?
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I try my luck on ticking this guy off.
"Your dance moves suck!"
He turns around. "Excuse me?"
"I said your dance sucks! I watched your
videos, Softwater and I think your crew...
SUCKS!"
His hands clench into fists and tremble with
rage. It's working! I'm holding him up enough.
"Hold on a sec!" he gets into his car and
drives it to the crowd around the ice-cream
truck. I walk aside until he stops, cranks up
some really hot music and steps out. The whole
scenario has got everyone's attention!
"So you think you can dance, punk?" he
sneers.
I cock my head and clap my hands, "You
bet!" The place is getting stirred up. People
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gather round us in a circle. The music is killing
it to the tempo and I feel my dance instincts
coming alive.
"Alex, show him what you got!" shouts the
Bear. I beam down at my Rottweiler sneakers I
got yesterday and know I'm ready and like
always, I forget what I'm about to do and just
do it. I'm dancing!
"WHOA!" The place is exploding. I'm
tapping out my footwork and then slide down
into a flare. I love b-boy! My feet are swinging
in circles before I glide myself into a twisty
handstand and bounce back up.
"Is that all you got?" sneers Softwater. He
goes down and does his thing and I forget how
much I hate him, he's impressive! He pulls out
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more twists and turns before he starts bouncing
on his back like the ground is a trampoline.
"Come on, Alex! You're not gonna let him
win, are you?" says Pizza. Hell no. When it's my
turn I take it to the next level. I race up the icecream truck's wall and somersault backwards. I
don't land on my hands or my feet, I rotate a
full circle till my back hits the ground and I
bounce back on my Rottweilers!
And that drives everyone insane! I go
down, dance my feet until I'm in a handstand
again and I'm spinning with just one hand
down. It infuriates Silvian. Aisha shouts out
from the crowd, "Good work, Alex! Keep that
up!" I know she means we need a few more
minutes to bust this guy. And as long as I keep
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dropping new packages, he won't be going
anywhere.
When I'm done he does a footwork before
leaping up his car. He lands on it's roof with his
back, bounces back and twists in mid air and
I'm thinking, this guy can kill! And in one blink,
he's spinning on his head, on his car like a top.
I take a step back. Don't think, Alex. Don't
think. This stuff is in you. He steps down,
searching my eyes for defeat but the battle's
just started. I jump right into it like I'm
blindfolded and keep dancing. I spin in airflares, going round and round on my hands and
elbows before doing the craziest things you
can do while on a handstand. There's so much
applause and cheering. I'm not quitting just
yet. I'm doing it all quickly as I gain
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momentum, bouncing off my hands and
putting my head into it a few times. I pull out
lots of stands until suddenly Silvian can't take it
any longer. He gets down and challenges me
on the ground. We pull out moves you would
consider humanly impossible, leave the crowd
jaw-dropped and then we both find ourselves
doing air-flares. It's incredible! It's like we're
trying to spin faster than each other.
The crowd roars. I can feel the climax
coming. He's killing it. I'm killing it. And I
suddenly hear the Bear shout to me. "It's over,
it's over. It's over, Alex!" I stop and get back on
my feet. Silvian collapsed! He's on the ground,
breathing hard and trying to get up from his
fall.
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A black van and a car enter the compound.
It's my family! Lisa and Abby come out the van
with the most ugliest girls I have ever seen in m
life! I almost collapse as well! Leo, Kayla and
Asher come out of the car and Leo screams—
yes—when he sees the six girls with beards!
"The proof?" demands the girl with red
beard.
Aisha comes over to co-ordinate them.
Kayla shows them the small envelope with the
words For Beards scribbled on top. They shake
it till they hear the pills. The bearded girls turn
to Aisha. "And where is he?"
She points back at where I am and they
don't waste a second. Softwater slowly gets up.
He puts one hand on his car and inhales a huge
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breath. If he only knew what was coming
behind his back!
At the sound of their footsteps he glances
over and forgets to breathe once he sees six
hideous girls with beards coming to him with
baseball bats.
"Remember us, baby?"
"Shit, man! You held me up!" he flares.
"Why should you be afraid. Didn't you love
them? Or did you play them and cover up your
game by giving them a new look?"
And he's staring hopelessly at the fruits of
his labor and he knows he's a dead man now
they know his game. He makes a run for it,
disappearing behind the ice-cream truck. The
girls run after him with their bats.
I don't feel sorry for him.
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I get together with me family and share a
hug with all of them. "This was our most
awesome face-off!"
"We got chased by a cop!" says Asher.
"Just for my autograph."
We crack up. Lisa says they got held up by
six hideous girls who were about to sabotage
all their future beauty plans.
"And I had a b-boy dance battle with
Softwater and it held him up pretty well."
"And I made the plan!" says Aisha.
"Shut up," says Abby. "I would've been
chicken soup by now!"
"But hell, those gals are UGLY!" says Leo.
"You got that right," says Asher. "At least
Kayla shaves!" It makes her feel weird but we're
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all laughing and humor is always a good
compromise.
My other friends come round me too and
tell me my dance was great. Aisha pushes them
aside. "You owe me a kiss!" And she lays it on
my lips with her arms behind my back. Air-flares
can drive me nuts but she drives me insane. I
feel her soft beautiful face and now I truly value
a girl with a clean look. You can't understand
until you've seen the one with the Lincoln style!
So I'm pretty happy about two things: the
girls I love have no beards, and I danced again
and God it feels so darn GOOD!
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14
I RUTHLESSLY STEAL THE PRINCIPAL'S
DIARY TO SAVE AN AVOCADO My mom's words keep ringing in my head
as I bustle through the crowd in this nightclub.
She had second thoughts before letting us go
to Pinball. It's a downtown nightclub and most
have age limits. Eighteen.
I'm at least a year and a half from that but it
doesn't really matter at the doors. If you're in
the circle, you get in. And Asher's in the circle.
In fact, he's got more connections than an A-list
spy!
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We're bustling through, I got my girlfriend
close by, Lisa's helping Abby and Leo trails
behind with Asher who is currently receiving
greetings from almost everybody we pass by.
"How d'you know so many people?" I say.
"Kid, I just got friends," he replies.
"He's the famous one, remember?" says
Abby. We find a cool booth in the corner. We
sit around a table, facing the long counter
curving round inside the club.
"And very soon I'll be famous too!" says
Leo. "For rapping and for Avocado!"
"Man, I can't wait for you to launch that!"
says Lisa.
"Neither can I. Your idea is wicked, dude!" I
share a knuckle-bump with my brother. He's
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smiling back, teeth glowing with the glint of a
successful, lucky teenage boy.
Avocado—I know you must be wondering
—is the next big thing to hit Johannesburg,
particularly our school in Sandton. Think about
a social network that's more like an online
magazine where anybody who signs up is a
journalist. Anybody in Avocado can post their
funniest stories, any news on fashion, sports,
movies, articles, jokes, there's a section for
everything! And the best part about this online
magazine is that it has no issue date. It will
constantly updates every second with any
news, story or fashion article any Avocado user
posts. When my brother told me about the
project two years ago it seemed impossible
because of our misery at the time, but it didn't
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stop me from dreaming about it with him. Ever
read a boring magazine and wished you had
something new and fresh to read? I had a
picture in my head of a magazine in my hand,
my eyes sore from reading a boring article and
suddenly the words slide out and a new story
syncs onto the page.
"If this thing works," says Leo, "I could be
the next Mark Zuckerberg."
"Ew," says Abby, "He's atheist."
"I already have my own username," says
Lisa. "French Kisser! But it's written as one
word, I like that."
Abby laughs. I can't believe she thought of
that. She's kept to using Lisa Cyprian on tumblr
and Facebook. But a change is always okay.
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"Well," Leo gets up. "I think it's make out
time!"
"Right behind ya," Asher follows him away.
Lisa's eyes follow them behind as they mix into
the crowd.
"How many girls does Leo make out with in
one night?" Aisha asks.
"His record is fifty," says Abby.
"Damn, what a player!"
"At least he ain't giving away beards," I
remember Kayla. She's taken some medication
and now it's wearing off. I turn around and find
a couple of empty seats by the counter. "Hey,
let's go over there," I tell Aisha.
"Cool," she gets up and follows me with
my hand around her wrist. I do my best to keep
my cool, you wouldn't know this is my biggest
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fear. Walking with a girl in a nightclub. Yes it is!
Believe me or not I've been thinking about it
ever since we got here.
The reason for this haunting phobia roots
way back in Pretoria. I used to get into
nightclubs a lot too and on one occasion I took
a girl out with me. Her name was Jennifer and I
regret it! Picture me, fifteen and innocent with a
hot girl making our way through the crowd to
the dance floor and before I can dance with her
some guy shoves me away.
"Hey, loser!" he said. I don't know his name
but he was tall, shirtless and showing off his sixpacks. The guy was ripped! He turned to my
girl and made some cheesy comment about
her hair and the next thing, he's off with her! I
pulled her back and said, "Hey, that's my girl!"
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"Not any more!" he sneered back and
shoved me so hard I fell. And heartless Jennifer
didn't give a rat's ass about it, she just went
along with him.
"So what's it gonna be?" I ask her.
"Amarula," Aisha smiles back.
"All the time?"
"Hey, I love it!" We go to the counter and
sit on the chairs. Aisha's weaved her hair into
one braid that starts on one side of her head
and travels down to her neck. It looks great. I
keep telling her that but she's also taking
glances at her T-shirt. Some have told her it's a
little big but I think it's okay.
"It's just fine," I tell her.
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"Whatever," she replies. She's pounding a
fist on the counter. She just can't wait for her
drink.
"Cool down it's coming."
She laughs back while it does.
Leo comes back to Asher after making out
with the third girl tonight.
"How do you do it?" asks Asher.
Leo grins and gestures to the words on his
jacket, "Boss player." He sits down and takes
his drink. "And I didn't have to buy them
anything!"
"Sometimes I think you're just lucky."
"We all need luck once in a while," Leo
puts his drink down. He feels great. He turns
his head and cringes at the person sitting six
empty chairs away.
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Mr. Bull is wasted, down to his tenth bottle
of whisky. His red eyes tell the story of his
misery. Leo nudges Asher, "Man, he looks
awful."
"Is that Mr. Bull?"
"Unfortunately."
"Let's try talking to him," Asher gets off his
chair and before Bull can have another sip he's
got two people sitting around him. He stops to
look at one of them. "Leo?" His voice is weak
and it sounds sick.
"What happened to you, Bull?"
Mr. Bull coughs. He brings the bottle down
for another sip but Asher grabs it away. "You
don't need that. Now tell us what's wrong."
He wipes his mouth with his sleeve and his
head sways drunkenly onto his arm. "Three
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things!" He shoots two fingers up instead.
"One, I found out my best and favorite waiter is
having a sex-change. Two, the owner of a
restaurant downtown walked into his walk-in
freezer to have a look, the workers shut the
door when he was still inside and he got
trapped. With the kind of cold you have in
there, plus the carbon-dioxide, he died and no
one heard his screams that reverberated inside
the freezer all night. And he's the OWNER!"
His tone on the last word makes them
jump. He coughs and goes to the third. "And
worst of all, I am losing Olivia! My sweetheart.
My beautiful soulmate."
"Oh," Leo nods empathetically, "So it's
about her."
"Who's Olivia?" asks Asher.
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"Our principal," says Leo.
"WHAT!"
Leo shrugs, "Beats me man." He pats the
poor guy on the shoulder. "I know what you
need!"
Bull raises his head of the counter. He looks
so miserable and hopeless with whisky dripping
down his face. "You know what I need? I don't
think so. That there..." he points at Aisha and I
madly kissing. "That's what I need!"
"That's what I'm talking about," says Leo.
"I think he means he wants—"
"Shut up, Asher. Leave this to me," Leo
bends down to Bull. "Put yourself together,
you're about to have the night of your life. Are
you ready to smooch some hot chicks?"
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Bull slowly gets up and stretches his arms.
"Got to go the Men's."
Leo huffs. "Okay, let's shape you up." My
brothers help wash him up, they spray perfume
and comb his little hair. He steps out looking
quite the same but at least he smells better.
"You feel better now?" says Leo.
"No," Bull is stern and cold like death
slapped him in the face.
Leo rolls his eyes, "Let's have fun." They
push him into the crowd. The light blinds him,
he has to keep his hand up to block. They pass
around from booth to booth and Leo finally
sees some good company. A group of girls are
lounging next to a pole. "See them? They're
the goodies."
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"Goodies?" Asher cringes, "Give me a
break. And they're not his age group."
"The younger they are the hotter they
boil," Leo turns back to Bull. "Let me show you
how it's done."
Leo walks over to the girls and hits on an
Asian brunette. In less than a minute he's
kissing her full on the mouth. Bull's eyebrows
rise up, his bloodshot eyes are full of surprise
as Leo comes over with three more girls.
"...and this Big Foot here is my brother, and
this is our friend Bull."
"Hey, Mr," one waves at Asher but he's too
concerned for Bull. He seems distant, staring
aimlessly at nothing while a girl gazes back at
him.
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"Is he alive?" one of the girls remark,
pointing at his bloodshot eyes. They're as blank
as an old television. Leo pats his shoulder
again. "Wake up, Bull."
Bull weakly points at the teenage girl in
front of him. "You look beautiful tonight."
"Thanks," she smiles back. Asher can see
Leo smile away but he decides to spoil it. He
beams down to Bull. "That's not Olivia."
"She's not Olivia?" the life vanishes from
his eyes. Leo is starting to fume up.
"No she's not."
"THEN GET HER AWAY FROM ME!" He's
so weird the girls don't take a look back. They
scamper away like cats and Leo is left with the
Asian.
"Why d'you do that for?" he barks at Asher.
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"Listen kid, the man is drunk. He's
heartbroken and he doesn't want to make out
with a prostitute. All he wants is Olivia!"
"Excuse me," offended from that remark,
the Asian pulls Leo's arm off her waist, and
leaves.
"Baby, wait," Leo pleads.
"Forget it!" she snaps.
His arms are up in confusion as Leo stares
back at his brother, "You had to say that!"
"I didn't call her a prostitute."
"Ugh!" Leo goes after the girl. "Hey we can
talk about this!" And he disappears away.
Asher sees a smile tear across Bull's face.
"What's funny, Bull?"
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Bull points his shaking finger at Leo chasing
after the Asian, "Boss player, right? Ain't that
ironic?"
Asher chuckles, "Let's get you home."
Abby and Lisa are dancing. I join them with
Aisha later but soon we decide to leave. They
have to pull me away because the guys there
wanted me to keep dancing battles for them.
Asher helps Bull into a taxi while Lisa gathers
the rest of us.
"Guys, let's go... Leo it's time. You can
make out with your new girlfriend tomorrow,"
says Lisa.
"Coming," he waves back. He's with the
Asian girl in the corner.
Leo beams down at her, gazing squarely
into her eyes and being sincere about the
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misunderstanding. "I'm really sorry that came
out of his mouth. Just remember it didn't come
out of mine. I'm hoping we can meet again."
She pouts like he's wasting her time, "Oh
forget it. I'm over it."
"Here," he pulls out a piece of paper and
gives it to her. "Call me."
"I might," she replies. Soon enough Leo
jogs back to the van. He gives Asher a friendly
punch in the stomach for the trouble he put
him through.
"So?" he asks.
"She might call," says Leo. "And for your
butt's sake she better!"
Asher tells us what happened and it cracks
us up. What a boss player! But man, we feel
sorry for Bull. We see him pass by in his taxi. I
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wave at him... we've got tinted windows. Too
bad he can't see me.
*
"You sure you don't want a float?" says
Lisa, beaming down at Aisha.
"Nah. Maybe later. Alex, can I have my
backpack?"
I'm with her on the couch and her backpack
is beside me. I pass it over and she goes
digging for her iPad.
"You got the whole thing?" asks Leo from
the table behind.
"Just some of it. You really have us hyped
about this!"
Today Leo faced his fear of public speaking
by talking to the school about Avocado. It's his
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third talk this month and he's launching the
website in two days!
"Your password's secure, right?" I ask him.
"Of course it is. I can't remember it myself.
Let me check it out." He darts up the stairs as
Aisha flicks through her videos and taps Leo's
Avocado announcement.
The MPH floats on the screen with all the
students. Aisha got a good view on the stage
where Leo stands. He explains the whole
concept of Avocado, especially stuff like
banana-peels and who gets to the cover page.
"A banana-peal is anything you post. Your
banana-peal. Your peal of the day, or of the
week. It's what you share. When your bananapeal receives a lot of likes and comments, it
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becomes an avocado and your news makes it
to the front pages and the cover pages.
"And the more news, articles and stories
you contribute, the more your chances of being
an Avocado celebrity and entering the
Hotspot. You'll have the privilege of getting all
your peels on top news like a super-star. But
this depends a lot on the amount of likes your
peels get and how good they are and how
many people follow you too."
Nope, it ain't easy becoming an Avocado
star.
"Anything new on Avocado?" a girl asks.
"Yeah, there's lots. You know Avocado will
basically be an app for mobile phones. So my
latest hottest addition is the Monkey
Messenger. You'll be able to send instant
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messages like on other sites with the Monkey
Chat. This all works on Blackberries, Androids
and iOS. Chatter on Monkey Chat all day long.
You can send text, voice messages, pictures
and even attach videos. In future I hope to
include voice calling over IP and video calling
on Monkey Chat."
Another round of applause. Mom and dad
were there too to see Leo excite everyone with
Avocado hysteria. The video ends a few
minutes earlier than Leo's talk really did but it's
still enough excitement for my bones.
"Can't wait?" says Aisha.
"Can't wait at all!" I say.
"CAN'T WAIT," Asher shouts.
"NEITHER CAN I!" yells Lisa. She comes to
give me a float. "Sure you don't want some?"
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"We can share," I propose.
"Yeah, we'll share," Aisha tells Lisa. She
rolls her eyes and goes upstairs. Aisha puts her
iPad away incase our homemade ice-cream
float spills. Lisa and I are wizards at getting
recipes off YouTube.
"Figured out your username yet?" I ask.
"Well, kinda... What do you think of... be
honest," she chuckles, "What do you think of
Woodpecker? Or Grandbones?"
I hear an instant sharp laugh from Abby.
She's lying on the next couch and I thought she
was asleep. "That's stupid!"
"Shut up!" Aisha snaps and turns back to
me. "So?"
"They're stupid."
"Alex!"
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"Honestly, I'm on Abby's side.
Grandbones?"
"All right, all right. I'm not J.K Rowling."
I kiss her nose softly, "Quit sulking."
She smiles back, "Quit teasing."
"You have the creativity of a two year old!"
Abby blurts out. "At that age, anything stupid
is funny to them!"
"Alex, did you hear that?" Aisha throws on
the puppy eyes again. I stop half-way licking
my cream and stare back at her.
"Could you two just get along? For me?"
Abby attacks her again, "Get along? Birds
of a feather flock together. I'm sorry I'm not
stupid enough to fly with that bird."
Aisha gives up and decides to be wise. She
shuts up and finishes off the cream on our float.
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Before we can drink the rest Leo is running
down the stairs and yelling like he's gone mad.
"What's happening?"
He's everywhere, opening closets and
drawers, tilting couches to scan underneath,
throwing books off the shelves, in the kitchen
dumping the silverware on the floor.
"What are you looking for?" asks Abby.
Even she can feel the tension around him. I get
up and follow him before he overturns the
dinner-table.
"What is it?"
"I AM SO SCREWED UP RIGHT NOW!" he
throws his arms over his head in despair.
"What's going on?" says Asher.
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"I CAN'T FIND THE PASSWORD! I CAN'T
LAUNCH OR CONTROL AVOCADO WITHOUT
THE PASSWORD!"
Lisa suddenly storms down the stairs,
"WHAT DID YOU SAY? YOU LOST THE
PASSWORD?"
"NO WAY!" shouts Aisha.
"NO FUCKING WAY!" Lisa is pulling her
hair!
"Oh my God!" I gasp. "It has to be
somewhere!"
"Leo, can you remember it?" says Asher.
Leo's expression is glassy. He stares at the
table before saying no.
"Can you find it?"
Leo huffs, "Yes, I believe I can!"
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Then there's that moment of silence when
everyone's worried and tense and looking at
each other. I raise two fingers up, "Two days is
all we got." And I drink what's left in my glass.
Two. Freaking. Days!
*
On my way to my locker at school I meet
my brother and Abby outside the canteen. He's
looked all over the house yesterday and hasn't
seen his password anywhere. He doesn't smile
when he sees me. No luck here either.
"I'm finished man," his eyes droop down
his long face.
"No you're not!" Abby's holding some
paper. It's a memory exercise. She's making
him do all he can. "You've got three more
memory exercises. One could work!"
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Leo's frowns. He picks the paper again and
reads the next exercise.
"Have you checked—" before I finish he
cuts me short.
"I've checked everywhere. Everywhere!"
A girl passes by us and smiles when she
sees Leo, "Leo, I can't wait for tomorrow!
Everybody's excited!"
My brother replies with a crooked smirk, his
voice shrivels, "I'm flattered."
"Flattered?" my brows are up, wondering if
that's something you hear a guy say.
Abby shakes her head sadly, "It's driving
him nuts!"
I shake him up, "Don't worry man, nothing
beats us. We're family!"
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Right then Lisa hurries by with a stack of
papers, "Two hundred more memory
exercises!"
"What?" Leo's eyes bulge in surprise.
"We're doing all we can," says Lisa. "It's
our best chance. One of these must work!"
"You downloaded all that?" I ask.
"Yup. Cheer up Leo we'll get that
password. Mom said she's ready to call a pro
hypnotist if this doesn't work."
"Lisa, don't you think that's overboard?"
"Nope. We either get that darn password
or die trying!"
"That's the spirit!" Abby raises a firm fist in
the air. While Lisa dumps the memory exercises
in Leo's backpack Mrs. Gala comes by and calls
me. She gives me some clipboard with some
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notes I am not bothered to understand.
Besides, I hardly ever read.
"Alex, could you give this to the principal?
I've got an urgent meeting with a parent. The
secretary isn't there so you can just waltz in and
place it on top of her desk."
"Sure thing."
"I appreciate it," she runs off.
"Later guys," I tell my family.
"Later."
I head down the hallway and I can't help
but notice all the posters we put up the walls
for Avocado. The ads must be creeping Leo
out. Everywhere he goes he's seeing a big
white poster with a ripe avocado in the middle
and some details written below. It's a living
nightmare. I just hope all those memory
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exercises will work. Leo says the password is
eighteen characters!
I gently push the door open. The
secretary's chair is empty so I go straight to the
principal's office. She's not here either. It's so
quiet and still. I place the red clipboard on the
untidy desk and when about to leave I see a
little black book from the corner of my eye. I
pick it up and at once I'm hold my breath in
shock.
A diary! It belongs to madame Olivia
herself. I open up and cup a hand around my
mouth, trying not to laugh too loud. I'm
cracking up from what I see. Leo's got to see
this!
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I dash out the office and meet up with him
in the corridor, "Come see this!" I grab him and
enter the Men's.
"What's so special about that?" he sees me
with the black book but doesn't know what it is.
"Olivia's diary!"
"Man, you're nuts!" he takes it from me and
opens it up. "I need my password not a
principal's diary. It's like a little girl's."
"I know but I thought this was pretty
dope."
Leo raises his brows, "Stealing the
principal's diary?"
"Don't you see what's written? She's into
Mr. Bull!"
"Really?" he flips some pages and skims
the words. "I think I like Bull but he hasn't
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made any real moves on me... bla bla bla... ew
gross!"
"Looks like Bull still has a chance."
Leo turns the pages again absentmindedly
and stops at the contacts page and suddenly,
he freezes. "What's up?"
He starts pointing at a name and then he
bumps his head with his palm over and over. "I
love you, Alex!"
"You love me?" he never tells ms that.
"Jacqueline Winston! In here she's Olivia's
niece. That's the girl I think I gave m number
too!"
"You think?"
Leo shakes me up from my shoulders. "I
think I gave the password instead! I'm so
stupid!"
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"Then we should call her!"
Leo copies her phone number before
dumping the diary into his backpack. He's
finally smiling and I think we might just be
lucky.
*
"Alex, you are out of your mind!" Lisa flips
through the diary while we're enjoying some
drinks at Bull's Park. Leo is talking to
Jacqueline right now over the phone. He
seems quite tense. He hasn't touched his soda
at all.
"It's so lovey-dovey," I nudge Lisa.
"Actually, it's PERSONAL!"
She's fuming at me for stealing girl's
property. It's really getting to her. "You can't do
this!"
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"Lisa, chillax! I just did and it's helping us a
lot!"
She huffs and gives up. She must admit that
that black personal book is our best chance at
getting back that password!
Leo suddenly hangs up, "Dammit!"
"What!" we all say. Abby is up straight,
anxious like Lisa and I.
"Olivia is her aunt and she's staying with
her. After coming from the night club she got
the parental lecture about her short skirt and
stuff and when Olivia checked her, she pressed
her to give up my password which I mistook for
my number."
"Did she say—"
Leo jumps in, suspending Abby for a
moment, "She said she found a lot of weird
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numbers and didn't know what they meant.
That means it's my password!"
"So we have to get it from Olivia!" my hair
is totally on end!
"Yeah! She says it's in her handbag, and
she always moves with her handbag! Just, how
the hell are we gonna get it when she's always
with it?"
I huff. Sigh. And wonder. Suddenly, Abby
snaps her fingers, "Bull!"
"Bull?"
"Yeah, Bull will help us," she explains, "If
we can convince him to ask her out. He can get
it out of her handbag when she's maybe... in
the washroom or something!"
"Abby, you're a genius!" I kiss her forehead,
a bit roughly because I'm too excited.
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"Wow," she blushes, "Thanks!"
Leo turns around. Mr. Bull is wiping glasses
behind the counter in his usual not-too-exited
mood. We leave the table and walk up to him.
"Hey, Mr. Bull how are you doing today?"
greets Abby.
Bull squints his eyes, "And since when were
you nice to people?"
Abby doesn't fume up. It's a good thing
she keeps cool this time. "Ever since I realized
that it's important to be kind because everyone
is fighting a battle of their own."
"Well put," he grunts and puts the glass on
the table, "All right, what do you guys want?
I've done nothing illegal lately."
I guess he's seen it in our eyes.
"We want to help," I tell him.
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"Help?" he cringes back, alarmed.
"With Olivia," Lisa clarifies.
His mouth gaps open and slowly he coughs
a little laugh, "Oh... that. Yeah that. I could use
some... whatever. What could you do for me?
I'm sure at this point we can trust each other."
"Nothing much," Leo passes the diary
across the counter, "Check this out."
Bull cringes again, "It's a book!"
"A diary. A woman's diary," says Abby.
"You mean... Olivia's?"
We nod.
"You kids! How could you? You can't do this
to a woman like her! I won't let you get away
with stealing personal items from a woman so
sweet—"
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"Listen, Bull," I cut in, "We're here to help.
You're miserable and we just found the key to
solving that. And Olivia is actually a pain in the
ass so the sooner you two get closer to
wedding cake, the sooner she'll smoothen up
in school."
Bull huffs. He picks up the diary and reads
quietly to himself and I see a smile coming
around. "She's waiting for me to ask her out!"
"She's not sure if you're really into her.
She'll definitely give you a chance. You should
try your luck before someone else makes a
move on her."
Bull stares at Lisa for a long moment,
"You're right. I'll ask her out right now!"
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"Don't forget to impress her with
something," says Abby, "Maybe flowers but
not Lilies. You remember the last time."
Bull hands us back the diary, "Thank you
guys. I just don't know how to repay you."
Leo grins, "There is one way." We tell him
our little plan. When we're done he scratches
his chin in thought before accepting the deal.
"So that's all you want, the password?"
"As soon as possible," says Leo.
"I'll do my best."
I check my Timex, "We have twenty six
hours."
*
Just to clear our doubts and support our
man, we arrive with Bull at school. From
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outside we can still see Olivia sitting by her
desk, doing some paperwork.
"There she is," Bull gazes are her like she's
some huge human-size diamond, "Ain't she a
beauty?"
"Not my type," I give Bull a pat on the
back, "You go for her. We're right behind you!"
He steps inside the school, staring around
because he's never really been inside St.
Godwin's before. We lead him all the way to
her office.
"Well, she's here," Leo gestures at the
office door. Bull is clutching a huge bouquet of
assorted flowers. He's so ridiculously excited
that he's on tiptoes, anxiously staring at the
door. He takes a breath. And he goes for it.
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"Olivia, I knew I still had a chance!" he
charges for the door but before he can grasp
the handle, it flings open and Olivia is chatting
with some other dude in the doorway.
"Oh, Showdy, you're so funny!" Olivia
laughs, slapping his shoulder.
Bull's eyebrows are up, his eyes staring
back with question marks in them, "Showdy?
Showdy?"
"Oh, Mr. Bull," Olivia finally takes notice of
him, "This is my good friend Showdy! He owns
a restaurant downtown just like you!"
"But I thought I let you call me Bullseye?"
Olivia chuckles, "I was just introducing you
two, there's no reason to get cranky."
Showdy let's out a hand for a shake,
"Pleased to meet you."
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"I'd rather sleep with a scarecrow that
touch you!" Bull sneers back, the jealousy
clearly burning in his eyes.
Olivia's eyes suddenly grow twice as big
while we stare back without a clue of what to
do, "Bull, be nice!"
"Ah, it's okay," Showdy replies smoothly,
sounding like a gentleman. He puts his arm
around Olivia's waist and edges closer, "Miss,
you were going to show me that new indoor
barbecue stove you recently installed for the
school so you can host those events indoors..."
"Oh yes!" Olivia starts but Bull's arm is
there to block them. A silent moment passes
between them. The drama is getting tense and
I don't know what might happen.
And we need that date!
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Olivia bobs her head to have a good look
at Bull, "If you don't mind, I'd like to go." She
keeps smooth but we know they're all on the
tip of an iceberg. They both stare at Bull,
anticipating his next words.
"I would like to come too!"
Showdy scowls but Olivia smiles to that,
"Of course. Why not?"
"Ah-hem," Showdy interrupts, "We should
be quite quick. I still owe you lunch, beautiful!"
What! Now he's calling her beautiful in front
of Bull! This is not good! Not. Good. Why the
pigeon does this have to happen on a day like
this when God we need that password! Leo is
staring at her handbag like it's a WWE moneyin-the-bank briefcase while Bull glares back at
Showdy. His heart definitely telling him to
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punch the freak, his mind telling him he'd lose
Olivia for good for that and suddenly Lisa
jumps into the conversation.
"That's awesome, it's high time you started
having fun, madame!"
I don't know why she said that. She just did.
I'm gaping wide in shock and all I can think is,
Lisa! Are you trying to blow our chances or
what?
"Thank you!" says Showdy while Olivia
blushes. Now even Bull can't understand. I'm
sure he's thinking we had his back here and
now Lisa's sudden betrayal? Before Abby can
jab her in the back, Lisa speaks again, "Y'all
should try Bull's Park. It's the BEST! TRUST
ME!"
"What do you think, Showdy?" Olivia asks.
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"Anything for you, beautiful!"
And Bull finally sees Lisa had his back the
whole time. He grins back at them, "Lisa's,
right. That place is smoking!"
Lisa spins to face us and she whispers the
word yes through her gritted teeth while
clenching up her fists. A chance for victory! Bull
follows Olivia and Showdy. He waves over his
shoulder and sends us a blink of an eye for
Lisa's smart help. And I only wonder if it has
made things all the more dramatically out of
control or if we really still have a plan.
*
Leo is clutching a poster ad of Avocado as
we lounge in the kitchen at Bull's Park. The
words, IT'S BIGGER THAN FACEBOOK stand
out loud and clear. It's seriously killing him. Bull
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strolls in, brushing his hands together,
"Hehehe," he chuckles, "Bastard won't know
what hit 'm!"
"You put enough of it?" Lisa's trying to
make sure it works.
"It could kill him," Bull's reply makes Abby
chuckle. He's had to stay in the kitchen so
Showdy wouldn't see him, or else that would
be suspicious. "Heard about Avocado, sounds
pretty cool!"
"Thanks, man," Leo smiles, "You know it's
all nothing without that password."
Bull nods empathetically, patting his back,
"Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. And I'll
definitely sign up for it and tell my friends to do
the same."
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A waiter comes into the kitchen and gives
us a message, "It's starting on him," he
gestures behind where Olivia and Showdy are
supposedly lounging in their booth.
"Yes!" Bull turns to a laptop he set on a
counter. It's connected to the security cameras
so we can see Showdy beginning to leave the
table. He runs for the loo like he just had
Abby's milk-soda (Sorry Abby). Guess the
laxative we put in his milkshake is working well.
"You're up," I tell Bull.
"My time to shine," he grins and strolls out
the kitchen. Abby tells him not to spoil it but
her voice meets the door instead. Our man is
already out there. We stare at the laptop to see
how it's going.
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Bull settles down where Showdy was a
moment ago. Olivia smiles behind the bouquet
he gave her earlier, the only thing standing
between them.
"I've missed you a lot," says Bull.
Olivia giggles, "You tell me that a lot."
"Because I mean it. It's true. And I wouldn't
spend one minute without you or away from
you if it was up to me."
"Oh, Bull you're so charming!"
"What I mean Olivia, that for one second I
wouldn't risk leaving you alone. Someone else
might come up and take my place."
Olivia's gaze falls on his. She's moved from
his words, "Your place?"
Bull knows she's naive but he isn't going to
let her go so easily, "In your heart!"
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"Oh, Bull, stop."
Meanwhile, Showdy is in the washroom,
pounding the stall's walls and cursing at his
stupidity! "How could I be so foolish. Bull's
Park is Bull's goddamn Park! And it's not even a
park it's an eat-out!" And he curses as a gush
of diarrhea streams out from his terribly itchy
buns like a waterfall. "WHEN will this
MADNESS... STOP!"
"I was hoping I could take you out tonight,"
Bull searches her eyes for that yes.
"Tonight no, but tomorrow I've got time."
He's smiling now, "Thanks. This means
everything to me. You mean everything!" He
bends forward to gently kiss her hand.
"And by the way, I love the flowers!"
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Showdy slams the wall again. The more
furiously his buns itch the more angry he is
getting. Another waterfall of diarrhea gushes
out quite forcefully and splashes. A horrible
stench escapes his stall from a puddle of halfdigested milkshake that just splashed out his
toilet.
"Do you need assistance?" says a voice.
"No goddammit!"
"But you look awful—"
"Shut up you moron!"
There's no worry about Showdy. He'll be
stuck in that washroom stall for a long time.
Bull runs back into the kitchen in a hurry. He
passes us and heads for his office.
"Went well?" says Abby.
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He flings open his door, "Terrific!" He
hurries inside, grabs some keys and dashes out
again. "And I'm driving her home! Ain't that
cool or what?"
I cross my arms. I'm impressed. Leo
watches with admiration as Bull takes Olivia's
hand and leaves with her.
"That's right, big man," Leo grins, "Go get
me my password!"
*
The next day at school is nerve-racking.
We're in the corridor and everyone we pass by
gives Leo a thumbs-up or tells him how bad
they can't wait for him to launch Avocado at
7pm in the school hall. The event will be
succeeded with a disco. But Leo can't see
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anything further than getting his hands on the
lost eighteen digits.
Aisha comes by with so much excitement
she almost knocks Leo down, "So how's it
going?" I told her about our plan yesterday
over the phone.
"We're counting on Bull," says Lisa.
"If the password's really in her handbag
then why don't you just steal it and return it
later?"
"And risk expulsion?" I say. There's nothing
she guards so well as her handbag. We pass by
our lockers. I take out my phone so I can shut it
in there. It's one of those days the school is
letting us bring our phones, all thanks to
Avocado! When Leo pulls out his, he notices
Mr. Bull is calling but it was on silent.
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"Hello?" says Leo.
"Boy, check the sky!" I hear Bull's voice
over the phone.
Without asking, Leo leads us away, darting
for the main entrance. We run outside and
block the morning sun-rays with our hands
while we gaze up.
"What the!" I'm startled! I'm looking up and
see Bull with Olivia in a hot-air balloon!
Leo shouts into the phone, "IS THIS PART
OF THE PLAN?"
"Easy kiddo, I need to gain her trust, speak
to her."
Aisha points up, "You're right, she's got her
handbag everywhere she goes."
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Bull hands his phone to Olivia, "Leo, it's
class-time. You all should be inside before I call
Mr. Bones—"
Before she can finish, Leo hangs up. "This is
stupid!"
"Holy cow stupid!" Abby adds. "C'mon
guys, let's get inside."
"This is so much fun!" Olivia is holding onto
Bull, having the time of her life.
"Told ya," says Bull, "Uh... you don't mind if
I land on the roof. I've gotta go to the loo."
"Not at all."
With that, Bull gently lands the hot-air
balloon on the school rooftop. He quickly steps
out and hurries inside, leaving Olivia waiting.
And right then, out of nowhere a second hot-
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air balloon floats by and settles down on the
roof.
"Showdy!" Olivia can't believe the man
she's seeing.
He grins back, "No poison Bull gives me
can kill me."
"What?"
"Never mind. Hop in, my beautiful."
"I'm sorry I have to wait for Bull."
"We won't take long. Just a minute,
beautiful. Please?" Showdy pushes her on with
his charm.
"A minute? You say just a minute?"
I'm in the middle of English class when I
hear someone like Bull shouting from the
rooftop. I don't get the reason for all the fuss
but once Aisha nudges me to look out the
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window, I see what the commotion is all about:
Showdy is floating away with out principal in
another cooler, bigger balloon and Bull is
yelling at them to stop. It would be hilarious,
actually, it should be hilarious if it weren't for
the fact that that's not just the lousy school
principal, it's our password to our biggest
project yet that's floating further and further
away from our hands!
Aisha takes out her Blackberry and dials for
Bull.
"Lady, not in class," says Mr. Peter, looking
all crossed.
"Emergency call, sir," says Aisha, "The
principal's being kidnapped!"
Teacher and classmates all gaze out the
window and see what's happening while Aisha
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tells Bull to stop being so stupid, get into his
balloon and pursue his true love.
Bull replies, "He blew up my balloon!"
*
And this drama goes on like a game.
Showdy buys ice-cream for Olivia but the icecream man happens to be Bull—I don't know
how he did that—and he takes her on without
Showdy noticing and drives away with Olivia.
Leo is frantic and about to burst into flames any
second. Bull's done a great job taking care of
her but a woman needs time on her own so he
dropped her off at her place so she could get
ready for their evening date.
That's why Bull is at Naughty Forks, eagerly
waiting for his true love and hoping to get that
long awaited password from her handbag. Leo
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keeps calling him every two minutes and Bull
has to remind him he's got everything under
control. But based on the stunts he's pulled
today, I don't blame Leo for being doubtful. I'm
at Naughty Forks as well, sitting in a nearby
table with Lisa. Incase Olivia doesn't go into
the Ladies, or if she won't let go of her
handbag I'll just have to steal it from her like I
did with her diary. Piece of cake!
"C'mon Leo, how hard can it get?" says
Abby. They're at school and a lot of the
students have come back for the disco to
celebrate the launching of the legendary social
network, Avocado.
If it will be launched!
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"It shouldn't be hard. You're right. Alex and
Lisa are there and Lisa fixes anything. Even drycleaners!" (True story).
I check my watch as the time ticks to
5:30pm. Just an hour and a half to save
Avocado. At this point my vanilla milkshake is
nothing to me.
"No sign of her yet," I tell Lisa.
She sighs back, "This principal's a donkey.
Excuse my French."
At least Leo hasn't called again. I text Bull,
asking him what's up. His reply is shocking:
don't knw kid, she's unreachable. Ive tryd
many times
This is just one of those days when anything
that can go wrong, will. A waiter passes by
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Bull's table. Bull shoos him away, "Said I don't
want anything."
"Actually, someone sent you a message,"
the waiter hands him an envelope. I feel the
heebie-jeebies crawling in my skin that I can't
help but come see what the strange message is
about. As Bull extracts a piece of a recent
newspaper, Lisa follows behind too to have a
look. The headline reads: RESTAURANT
OWNER DIES IN WALK-IN FREEZER. Below is
a rough scrawl of what is undoubtedly
Showdy's writing.
Since she cannot be mine, neither will she
be yours. She will die tonight! And I'm like, Is our luck really this bad?
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The three of us share screams before
dashing out to the parking lot!
"Your car," Bull points at my favorite sportscar we came with, "It's faster." It's got just two
seats so we have to squeeze in a bit. I start the
car and take it onto the road.
"Where are we—"
"Showdy's restaurant downtown!" Bull
jumps in. "It's called Chowdy Showdy." Lisa
opens up Maps in her iPhone and searches for
the location as I speed down the M1 highway.
"Here!" she's got it already. She sets her
iPhone on the dashboard in a phone-case for
me to see as I race like I've got nine lives.
The MPH at school is already filling up.
Mom and dad are hugging Leo at the doors,
congratulating his extraordinary efforts. His
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nerdy team of programmers are behind the
stage. Asher's nudging him about the
password thing and I'm afraid Bull will just have
to tell him the truth when he calls again.
"You're such a genius like your sister," says
Mrs. Gala shaking his hand briskly, "I'll be using
Gala Dive. Please follow me."
"And I'll be Madonna Lisa as usual," says
the art teacher. "Follow me too!"
Leo's iPhone rings and he asks to be
excused as he backs away toward the Men's.
Bull tells him the awful truth.
Mom's heart leaps when she hears her baby
scream. "Leo?"
"I'm okay," he calls back, sheepishly, "Just
jerking off!"
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We pull over at the downtown Chowdy and
Bull barges out in a manner that could cause
harm to the car's door. We hurry behind as Bull
runs through a window, ignoring the door that
was wide open, and heads for the kitchen.
"SHOWDY!" he bellows. He's so wild you
wouldn't want to cross him on the streets. The
chefs choose smart and give him way as he
lunges himself at the doors ahead and steps
into the walk-in freezer. Lisa and I follow inside,
engulfing ourselves in the incredible coldness.
Frozen meat is dangling all around.
"This freezer automatically shuts at seven
tonight," says an honest chef from the kitchen,
"They are there. But you have ten minutes!"
"Thank you," says Lisa. It's quiet, nothing
seems to move and the fact ten minutes is all
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we have is enough to burst some adrenaline in
me. Bull ventures further, looking around and
calling. Calling and calling.
But no sign of Olivia.
"Bull look!" yells Lisa. Showdy is hiding in a
corner and has a knife to her throat,
"Ons step and she's dead," Showdy sneers.
He scans Bull and Lisa and notices a flaw,
"Wait, where's the boy?"
"Right here!" and in the nick of time I land
on him hard enough to pin him to the ground.
He lets out a faint cry, the knife slides under a
trolley and Olivia screams as she crawls away.
Showdy, effortlessly tosses me off his back but
before he can balance on two, Bull is charging
at him like a bull.
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Lisa helps Olivia away, "Olivia, your
handbag! We need your handbag! The
password for Avocado somehow ended up in
there!"
Olivia blinks back, looking distraught and
confused, "I had it when he forced me in but I
must've dropped it somewhere."
"Shit!" Lisa cries, "This freezer's huge!" She
gets down and scans underneath the
installations. On the other side, Bull and
Showdy are causing mass destruction with their
fists flying about between them and my watch
tells me we've got two minutes left! Somebody
give me a glass of water I'm FREAKING OUT!
Lisa and I scurry about in search of the
handbag, keeping Olivia close so she doesn't
get kidnapped again.
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Bull is elbowing Showdy on the floor before
the tables turn and it's Showdy on Bull and he's
getting a good piece of his face.
"Help Bull!" Lisa yells at me, "I can find it
alone!"
"We only got one freaking minute! We'll die
if we get trapped!" I remind her before I head
back to the real fight. Bull is pinned down, his
face doesn't look like his anymore. I run and
kick Showdy hard in the face that he falls back.
In an attempt to get up he grabs some
frozen meat but it falls out the hook and lands
on him. And not only that, but almost all the
meat in the aisle is on the floor thanks to their
brawl and at the far end, I see a green handbag
lying still on the floor.
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"Yes!" I jump on Showdy (he sinks under
my foot with a goof!) and tread over the sea of
meat. Bull gets up and finishes what's left of
Showdy as I scoop the handbag with just
seconds to save ourselves. "GUYS I'VE GOT IT!
NOW LET'S GET OUT!"
"You can't leave me!" cries Showdy, too
weak to get up.
"Your chefs will call the fire-station," with
that, Bull spins and dashes for the exit. Lisa and
Olivia are already out. Bull slides through as the
automatic door slowly descends to shut the
freezer. I leap over the meat in my attempt to
escape and suddenly, the old chimp grabs my
foot. I stumble over and Showdy won't let me
go.
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"ALEX, C'MON!" Lisa screams. I can't see
her face. The door is already that low. Bull calls
me too but my ears are hurting from Showdy's
evil laugh.
"We will freeze together!"
I pick up the handbag and throw it through
to Lisa. She catches it effortlessly. Olivia zips it
open and pulls out a small can. "Here!" she
throws it to me and I have no troubling
grabbing it. My heart skips! It's her pepper
spray!
I pulls myself up as Showdy tightens his
grip on my leg and I spray as hard as I can into
his eyes, making him scream and back away.
The moment he lets go I break free like a bird
and grasp my last chance of saving myself. I
slide down on my knees with my head low and
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just in time before the door meets the floor
with a heavy, metallic thud.
The kitchen bursts into applause.
"I've wished for that ever since I was
employed here," says a chef. It seems they
hate him too.
"Thanks a lot," I tell Olivia, "You saved my
life!"
"You scratched my back, I had to scratch
yours."
I smile. She's cool. Bull shoves me aside so
there's nothing keeping him from Olivia,
"Come here, baby!" The next thing there're
kissing with their arms wrapped around each
other and the chefs go, awww. It's pretty sweet
but a call from Leo brings me back to our
business.
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Lisa looks for the password and pulls out a
piece of paper with the eighteen numbers.
"Finally!" Leo yells. He's darn happy now,
"I'm on my MacBook onstage, all eyes on me.
Just tell me the numbers."
761994 499167 761994
After we're done and Leo's hits Enter, we
hear a thunder of screams over from the
students in the MPH. Thank God we did it!
Avocado is saved and it's online and it's gonna
shine and—what the pigeon! I grab the phone
from Lisa, "LEO! Isn't the password your
birthday three times? Instead the second times
it's inverted?"
"Um... yeah."
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"WHAT! LEO I RISKED MY FUCKING LIFE
AND YOUR BIRTHDAY WAS THE
PASSWORD!"
"Chill brother, I forgot—"
"YOUR BIRTHDAY!"
"Lots on my mind, man. You understand..."
"NO I DONOT UNDERSTAND AND I'M
COMING OVER TO POUND YOUR ASS AND
SHOVE IT IN A DEEP FREEZER!" I would use
the f-word on him but we have a family policy
that restricts us from abusing our family
members.
"Let it go," Lisa tells me. I sigh heavily. It's
not easy but I guess it's the best thing to do.
Let it go and join the party at school. She gives
me a hug and kisses my cheek, "I thought I lost
you."
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"You'd call for the fire-station."
"Actually, you could've been anally raped,"
she clarifies and chuckles. "Just kidding."
"Hey, wanna try Monkey Chat?"
"You read my mind, Ally!"
Our phones are out and she's right. I should
let the frustration go. I'm not dying, I'm not
being anally raped and it's high time to wrap
this up. Avocado is on and it's awesome!
Monkey Chat's the best! Showdy unfortunately
doesn't die, he gets in jail, Olivia and Bull are a
cute couple and Leo fixes me a burger for the
trouble. I'm lounging in our pool, my username
is Alexthe5th and I'm Monkey chatting with the
principal which I know is very weird but she
saved my life and she's cool and when her
name is SexyOlivia, how bad could that be? !
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15
HOW WE ACCIDENTALLY BURNED DOWN
THE CANDY SHOP "Anyone know any quotes by Mandela?"
Mrs. Gala is facing the class, looking around to
see if any hands are shooting up. It's history
and she's decided to transform her class into a
Nelson Mandela facts lesson. Close to the back
of the room, I'm the only one who's raising
a hand up... again. Mrs. Gala beams down at
me before letting me answer her once more. "I know this one... he said, and I quote, 'it
always seems impossible, until it's done,'"
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"My favorite," says Mrs. Gala, "If you guys
think it's impossible for me to get your lazy
butts off these chairs and rush you to the
library, wait till it's done." I'm gritting my teeth with the awkward
feeling that people are going to hate me for
being such a history smart-ass. Around me,
people are glaring like it's Angry Birds. "I want to see a higher participation from all
of you. Don't make me feel like I'm teaching a
single student when this class has got twenty
seven brains and I promise I'll make all of
you memorize the entire African History
Volume Six." The person beside me gasps, "Volume
Six!" !
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"And Seven!" she adds, tapping her little
orange ruler while passing around. "Can
anyone tell me another quote?"
The class is silent. It's my lucky day for
being a Mandela fan. Slowly, I raise my hand...
all alone just like Hermione Granger. "Yes,"
says Gala. "'After climbing a great hill, one only finds
that there are many more great hills to climb'" I think I can hear some sneering and
someone cursing my name under his breath.
Aisha's got her arms crossed, as quiet as a
mummy. Gala asks once again and everyone
stares as I lift up my wretched, good for
nothing, know-it-all hand once again. When the bell rings I dash out like a ghost.
Aisha follows me to the lockers and she's
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slamming my head with a huge Volume Six
over and over!
"You. Smart. Dummy. You. Idiot. Smart-ass.
Punk. Boyfriend!"... WHACK! "Ouch! Girl, that last one hurt!"
"You could at least whisper one of those to
me!"
I open my locker and pull out a book about
Nelson Mandela and hand it to her. "You just
gotta read." "And since when do you read?" It's no secret. Everyone knows I hate to
read. I do audiobooks but this one is the only
exception. I tell her it's the only book I've read
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"I saw Jenny with this in class trying to get
those quotes," she's flipping through it, "How
far are you?" "Ten pages."
"Just ten?"
"You know I don't read much. Lisa told me
everything I need to know. I just read the
highlights and the bookmarks."
Suddenly, she's pounding my head with my
Mandela, "Lazy. Clever boy. How. Do. You. Do.
It. You're infuriating!"
"Yikes! Girl, I just love history. The sea of
the past."
"Full of blood."
I turn my gaze to her, "Do you always have
to keep thinking about blood?"
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"I don't think about it I like it. War, war,
war... bloodshed..."
"War is hell!"
She counters, "War is cool!"
"Is hell."
"Is COOL!"
"Is HELL!"
"Is COOL! And we're having a fun war
already." "I raise the white flag. Let's go now."
Abby strolls by holding a canvas bag full of
ripe oranges.
"Guess what I got fellas!"
"We can see that, Abby," Aisha teases her.
"Shit! Forgot to hide them. Well it doesn't
matter."
I ask her who gave them to her.
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"Olivia. I wrote her a poem and she loved it
so much she gave me a bag of oranges."
My eyebrows are up in wonder, "Why
would you do that?"
"Okay something's not right," Aisha steps
away from us, "You don't read and you
can't write. What's wrong with you guys?" Abby cringes, "Hey, it's not like I've
forgotten how to hold a pen. And Olivia's nice
now she's found her true love."
Lisa and Leo find us chatting by the lockers
a few minutes later.
"Bull's Park people! I'm dying for some
cranberry!" "You coming?" I ask Aisha.
She purses her lips, "Nah. Rather head
home straight. Maybe I should pass by the
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candy shop and get something for my cousin
who's coming over tonight. You know my family
in Marshalltown?"
"You keep telling me about your uncle."
"He's a jerk! But Brian is a nice kid."
Lisa tugs my arm, "Al, let's get—"
AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
An awful scream suddenly ripples through
the hallway. Leo's got his hands over his ears,
wincing in the agony of the pitch and I swear I
think I just heard a window break. "What in the
name of Hades is that!"
Somewhere in the corridor we see Gala
with her knees to the marble floor, a newspaper
is flying out of her grip and a cup of coffee is
rolling towards our feet.
This looks nasty! !
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We run up to her, being careful not to slip
on her spilled drink and ask her what's up. She
can't reply. She just shakes her head in some
sort of disbelief. Lisa picks up the newspaper.
"Famous diamond stolen from museum! Is
this why you're like this?" Some teachers arrive at the scene and help
Gala away.
Mr. Peter tells us she respects the museum
like the church.
Abby laughs out, "I don't believe it. She
flipped because of a stolen diamond! And it's
not even hers."
As they drag her away, I hear Gala moaning
in the distance, "It's impossible! Impossible!
Not the museum!"
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Aisha smiles at me, remembering a quote.
It's all impossible until it's done and Gala is
having an awkward taste of her own medicine.
Poor teacher. * The candy shop is in the corner, a couple
steps away and it's front lights are on already,
glowing like it's Christmas. It's a pretty evening
site. I pass by the windows with my girlfriend
and her mouth is already watering!
"I can't believe it took me forever to finally
come here!"
"It's no big deal," I shrug, it's just candy.
She pushes open the door as we come in,
"Suit yourself. Me and Brian are gonna get
cavities today!"
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I smirk and travel around. Her eyes dance
around the goodies, the scrumptious flavors
and jars and the colors of the sweets, glinting
off the dim green light above. I pass by some
jars arranged on a shelf while Aisha fills her bag
with all sorts of candies and chocolates.
I think I may be candy-phobic because
none of it interests me at all. Maybe it's
because I hardly ever had sweets when I was
young.
"Almost done, baby."
"No rush. We could spend the week here if
you want."
"Haha," she laughs and picks her last armlength chocolate bar before getting up to jab
it in my ribs, "You really don't want to go for
scout week." !
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"Don't remind me."
It's unfortunately Scout Week for us and our
school is dividing everyone into scout groups
and taking us all around Johannesburg for
some service. Some are going to the hospital,
some to the orphanages, and I'm going with
Leo to the zoo. Of all places!
"Cheer up, you'll have fun," she rubs my
shoulder.
"Clearing out elephant shit with Mr. Peter is
fun?"
"At least you're not going to the sewer
plant with the Bear," we reach the counter to
pay for the sweets and I guess she has a point.
It could be worse.
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"That's a whole lot," says the candyman.
It's what everybody around here calls him. My
girlfriend smiles back, "For my cousin."
The candyman points his old finger at me,
"Him?"
Aisha laughs, "Yup!"
"No, no, no," I wave my hand, "I'm not her
cousin." Aisha's giggling now, "He's my stupid
boyfriend who loves KFC and Mandela more
than me."
The candyman shakes his head an allies
with Aisha, "That's not right."
"He hasn't even bought me diamond!"
"Oh please!" I cross my arms and stare at
their new vendetta against me.
"That is so irresponsible."
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Aisha nods, "I know!"
"Every girl deserves to look like a queen.
You deserve to be treasured, you see these,"
the candyman shoes her his gold rings. They're
glowing like fire on his fingers.
"Hey, Al come have a look," says Aisha.
Reluctantly, I peer down at his jewelry and at
once I notice something cool about them.
"Egyptian symbols!"
Candyman looks up at me, somewhat
shocked. He pulls back his fingers and stares
blankly in my face.
"What's wrong?"
The old man stammers back, "I never knew
anyone would realize that so fast." He rubs his
knuckles together and I catch a second glimpse
of his rings. !
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"That eye is the Udjat, the sound eye of
Horus. It represents healing and protection."
There's also a cobra on his other ring. I tell
them it's the Uraes. It was worn on the crown of
the royal and symbolized protection. "They
believe the Uraes or cobra, would spit at any
enemies. Where d'you get these?"
"Uh... I believe these are just rings. They're
gifts."
Aisha picks up her bag of candy and shoves
me aside, "Forgive him. I forgot to mention my
guy's a history dork!"
"What!"
"Al, let's go." The candyman smiles again, "Welcome
again, and don't forget to get your girl a
diamond. They're really special."
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And that gives Aisha a reason to jab my ribs
again, "You heard that, baby? I deserve it."
"Shut up."
The candyman laughs while we argue our
way out. At the door we both take a look back.
"This place is candy heaven."
"No, you just haven't been in a candy store
for a while," I tell her. She points up at a bag of mint sweets
hanging high up behind the counter, "That's a
really pretty sweet." I decide to drag her out. * I must say, Olivia's oranges are the best! I'm
with family in Leo's room and I've got my white
T stained with orange juice. I think I'm onto my
seventh. !
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"That poem must've been really good,"
Lisa chuckles. She's sitting on Leo's desk with
Abby and Asher, watching Leo manage his so
awesome Avocado website on his MacBook
Air. I'm sitting beside him in my chair, my
phone's on the desk so I don't get it juiced up
with my oranges. "Maybe I almost made her cry," says Abby,
"But I couldn't have seen so I can't tell."
"Nah," says Leo, "You made her happy.
She wouldn't give you all these oranges if you
made her cry." Leo skims the latest Avocado
news on his Mac. After I wipe my fingers I pick
up my phone and scroll through it too... The
Dentist has cavities too... Cat causes car crash
downtown... Bull shares a picture of the
Showdy in a court trial, Madonnalisa is sharing
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her tour to the museum gallery, Jenny P shares
a story about a fight at the mall... Twelve
messages on Monkey Chat and it looks like
Gala's made it to the Avocado Celebrity
page by sharing history exam questions. The
things people would do to stand in the
limelight!
"Monkey chat's taking over my life," Lisa
complains.
Asher chuckles, "Everything does." My
sister pokes him for that but he does have a
point. She's into shopping, Facebooking,
Instagramming, Monkey Chatting, schooling
and above all, cranberry! But hey, that's Lisa.
"Guys I've got a confession to make." Asher turns to Abby, "You mean bad
news?"
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"Bad for you, good for me."
My eyes squint at the sly smile she's
wearing, "What's the spoiler?" "Olivia didn't just give me oranges... she let
me stay and ditch the dumb Scout thing! I'll be
sleeping at home while you guys are scouting!"
"Uh man!" Lisa whines.
"That's so unfair," I say, now wishing I had
written that poem. "Hey guys, look!" Leo startles us. He's
pointing at a picture of the animal shelter
building burning with fire. It's not real but the
news behind it is spooky. "According to this freak," Leo explains,
"Colby's animal shelter is on it's way to
bankruptcy and he's happy about it." !
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"Happy?" Asher's eyebrows are up in
surprise. "What a sicko," says Lisa. "He's a moron," Abby adds, "What's his
name?"
"Zooda Bakuda."
"We should block the idiot."
"No-can-do," says Leo, "But with the
dislikes he's getting, his story will be in the junk
section in no time."
When I check the junk in Avocado on my
phone, it's already there. I tell them about it
and Lisa writes ten paragraphs of why she
thinks his post is stupid!
I tap Abby's shoulder while the rest are
still cursing his name, "So you're staying." "Yup!"
"Aren't you gonna miss us?"
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She cocks her head and thinks about it, she
hums about it and whistles about it before
releasing a flat no and giggling all over herself.
"I wish I could stay home. There's a cool
Marvel Carnival event coming up at the
Michelangelo towers mall, huge discount on
Marvel comics, games and all and I'm missing
it because of this stupid scouts." "It's life," says Abby and then she puts an
orange in my hand, "They take away the pain
hahaha."
I smile, focusing on all the packing I have to
do for the scouts so I won't think of all the cool
stuff I'll be missing and have my orange and I
guess Abby wasn't just bluffing, it does take
the pain away. * !
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This is embarrassing! Scratch that—This is very embarrassing! Mr. Peter stands before us with a zoo
worker demonstrating our first task. He looks
dumb. We all do. He's wearing these awkward
shorts I thought never existed and he's made
us put on a similar uniform. I am currently, with a whole lot of misery,
standing in khaki shorts, with red shoulder
straps going all over my shirt and it's making
me look like Larry King! I'm not supposed to
look like Larry! Not with my huge hair and
my dreads sticking out. It feel like a fish out of
water. Leo's with me and he looks just as
miserable. Ignoring the fact that we are unaccustomed
to uniform, Mr. Peter (who is our scout master)
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takes the shovel from the zoo worker for the
demonstration. We're in the elephant section
and I guess you can figure out why we need a
shovel...
A sudden message plops into the phone in
my pocket. When I take it out it's from my
sister, via Monkey chat. At least we have
Monkey chat!
u shoveling that shit yet? Lol lol lol Mr pet. is startng... it's so gross I cud hurl n
the place stinks! Haha, ur gf wants 2 b a zoologist ryt?
shes got the heart! !
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cherish each moment u live, life is 2 short
"Here, kids is how you deal with this kind of
stuff," Mr Peter just shoveled his first pile of
dung and I cringe at the prospect of having to
cherish this. "Easy as pie!"
A lot of girls go Eww and Leo almost throws
up in front of everybody. He buckles down and
tries hard to keep it in. Easy as pie my foot!
Cherish this? I guess it's because Lisa's at the
hospital and she feels the grace of being
healthy. Mr Peter comes back clapping the dirt off
his hands, "See, guys, it ain't hard. We'll be
done in no time." Jenny raises her hand. "Yes,
Jen?"
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"Why couldn't we bathe the lions instead?"
The entire scout cracks up in laughter. She
doesn't get her answer, instead, she gets a four
foot shovel. We all do, and you know what they
say about being that unfortunate person who
does the dirty job. We're facing that right now.
It's so ugly I shut my eyes. I've got a paperclip
on my nose so I won't smell the awful misery as
I bend down, shovel in some elephant
remains and try to fake an inner voice that's
proud of me for being such a shit-shovelingbad-ass hero: C'mon Alex, you can do this shit,
YOU DA MAN! First day of scouts, I spent scoping animal
dung off the ground and at the end of the day,
we're back in our three star hotel. Lisa and
Aisha are so lucky to be lounging at the
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Intercontinental after their scout mission—
which I think is far better than ours. Once I'm in, I dump myself on the hotel
bed. Leo and Hugo come in. We're sharing the
same room. Hugo goes straight to the showers.
"Some day, man," says Leo.
"It's crazy," I reply and rip off the stupid
shoulder straps and pull off the ugly shorts.
A reason for the scouts, apart from
the community service, is to get exposure to
what people face in the world behind the
curtain. Backstage. "Lisa was cleaning toilets in the hospital
today," says Leo.
I laugh, maybe I'm better off than her the
whole time. Leo's iPhone rings and he picks up.
"Hey, bro!"
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Leo starts to smile, "What's up, Asher?"
"Man, I hate to be slushy but a brother
misses his brothers, you know what I mean?"
We laugh together, "Sure thing."
"I want us to have a little time together, you
know, just us three hanging out like old times."
"We're at a hotel, man and it's scout
week," says Leo.
"And I'm outside and you guys can sneak
out for an hour."
A smirk tears across his face, "What's in the
money bag?"
Asher comes back sly and dry, "Come out
and have a look!" It's no effort to get outside unnoticed and
I'm thankfully wearing my home clothes which
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strictly do not have straps. Asher stands by the
van. "So what's happening?" I ask him.
We share a knuckle-bump and he grins the
mischief out of me, "Fire kites! Just like old
times!"
*
Fire-kites are kites of fire, something we
have the pride of inventing for ourselves. They
practically burn in the sky. Asher drives us to a
quiet side of Sandton and parks in an alley. We
get our bikes out from the trunk and fix our
kites. "We are so crazy!" Leo lights up his kite
and the fire sets, making it look like a burning
eagle. Asher and I are ready too and soon,
we're out of the alley and riding down the lane
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with our kites high up in the air and ablaze like
eagles of fire! It's a wonderful thing we used to
do back in Pretoria. "WOO-HOO!" We're screaming and
hollering and yelling into the night, you have
full right to call us a bunch of hooligans. I don't
care, I'm just having fun with my family.
Besides, we're just flying kites and I'm one
huge family guy. All right, we've had a couple drinks in the
van too, big deal! But we're not drunk. I never
let myself get wasted. I'm happy and free as a
bird, gazing into the stars as we take right and
ride on with our fire-kites flying behind us. "This is AWESOME!"
"No, Alex," says Asher, "It's like this." Out
of his coat he pulls out what looks like a red
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vuvuzela and shouts into it. His voice comes
out so loud I think it could cause an
earthquake. "THIS IS AWESOME!"
"We're d'you get that bull-horn?" I ask.
He replies through the horn and it's so loud
I've got to cup my ear.
"SOME STORE DOWNTOWN!"
"Jesus!" Leo snaps, "This isn't soccer city!
Put that thing away!" "NOT UNTIL WE'VE HAD ENOUGH FUN!"
Oh my God, I think half of Sandton can
hear us and are wondering who the damned
hell we are.
"Asher, that's gonna get us in trouble!" I
warn him but then he yells into his bull-horn
again and I think the buildings are vibrating
now! He sends killer waves into my ears.
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"NO NEED TO WORRY! WE RULE
SANDTON! WE'RE THE CAPTAINS!"
I'm honestly surprised I still have my
eardrums but the last blow from the bull-horn
just shakes me to the bone. I'm dizzy, my bike
is swaying and the buildings are a blur as I
crash into a lamppost. I knock my head and
roll. A blur of fire is dancing in the sky. My
brothers' voices come closer to me as I slowly
roll over without a clue of what's happened.
"Man, are you okay?"
"Al, I'm sorry!"
"I told you the horn was trouble."
"HOLY SHIT!"
They help me up and I feel my senses
coming back to me slowly. !
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"I'm okay."
I suddenly notice a huge warm light,
illuminating from behind. It's so bright the
whole street is visible like it's daytime.
"ALEX, LET'S RUN!"
"Why?"
They haul me up and position me on my
bike and when I look around, I see why they're
so freaked out... The candy shop is burning like a bomb just
went off! I've shoveled a lot of shit today, but
this is just overboard! I'm staring at the candy
shop consumed in flames. It's so hard to
convince myself it's true but my kite that's stuck
up in its power cords is enough proof that's it's
all my damn fault! !
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A burst of flames erupts inside and it's the
last thing I see as I speed out of the crime
scene with my brothers. I'm sweating like
it's the apocalypse and I hate myself more than
ever. The light of the burning shop fades
behind us but it keeps flaring in my head and
it's hard to accept but I know I've screwed up
big time. * It's all over the morning news. Lisa turns on
the TV while Aisha is dressing up. The first
thing she sees is a video of the candy shop
burning down into a total wreck. A couple of
firefighters run around in the scene, trying to
put it out. "So it's true," says Lisa. "I thought my
friends were kidding when they called."
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Aisha's mouths, "Oh my God!" It's really
disappointing her. "That's just terrible. How did
it happen?"
"Listen."
My sister pays attention to the reporter
describing the incident:
"...local residents say the fire was purposely
caused by a gang of hooligans at night who for
unknown reasons, vandalized this local candy
shop... some people believe it was an attack
made on local candyman, Zooda Bakuda who
was found in the shop when the fire was tearing
it down. Luckily, Mr. Zooda suffered only mild
burns and minor injuries and is currently doing
very well at the hospital thanks to firefighters
who rescued him..." !
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Lisa cringes, "That's weird." "Wonder what he was doing at his shop at
night," says Aisha.
"... witnesses say they saw in the night sky
what seemed to be burning kites which some
believe triggered the fire. Unfortunately, the
police have bleak evidence on who—"
"OH MY GOD!"
Aisha jumps from Lisa's sudden scream. "What's wrong with you?"
Lisa gets up and she's in panic, "Where the
hell's my phone?" "Jeez, calm down. It's in your pocket."
Lisa reaches for it and extracts it.
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"Who you calling?"
Lisa is breathing so fast, her hands almost
shake the phone out of her grip, "Alex!" "I think he knows about it by now."
"On the contrary, he's known this for a long
while!"
Her words twist and turn in Aisha's mind
and take the form of a horrible fact she hopes
is not true, "ALEX?"
*
My phone is ringing and I don't want to
answer it.
Leo watches it vibrate on the stool as Lisa's
picture is appearing on the screen. "You have
to answer that."
"Nope, I'll just wait till she decides to call
you."
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"My phone's off."
Dammit.
"You can't run away from this. She already
knows and we'll just have to talk about this."
I'm pacing. I've never wanted to not pick up
my sister's call but I'm so confused right now. I
wish we hadn't gone out and done all that firekiting. Why do I have to screw up like this?
Lisa stops calling and a message appears
on the screen on my phone:
ALEX U BETTER PICK UP NOW! And then she calls again. I guess Leo's
right. There's no good in running away from
trouble like a coward. It's best I face this...
"Hi, Lisa, look I didn't plan this—" !
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"Are you okay?" she asks.
"We're fine—"
"Nobody saw you?"
"No. But Asher had a bull-horn—"
"You caused a lot of disturbance, right?"
I sigh before I say it, "Yeah, unfortunately." "Lucky the cops don't have much of a trail
but how in the Lord's name did you burn that
candy shop? I know fire kites is what you guys
do!" I explain what happened with the bull-horn.
I was on the ground when the unavoidable
happened. It's like fate put my fire-kite up the
power and destiny brought the explosion that
erupted the flames needed to burn the shop to
the ground. "Are you mad at me?"
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A silence.
"Kind of. How are you taking it?"
"Feeling so bad I can't eat."
"Sorry. I'm with you lil' brother. I can
imagine you beside the phone, deciding
whether or not to pick up my call." She gives
me a nice little laugh, "Let's meet up later, got
your back."
"Thanks, how's Aisha?"
"She thinks you need help, especially
therapy and she doesn't know what to say to
you."
"I think she's right."
When I'm done I make a sigh and stare at
the ceiling for a while. Some scout
mates knock on our door to remind us that
we're about to leave. !
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"Let's keep it simple, act simple, nothing
out of the ordinary like nothing happened,"
says Leo. "Like we don't know what's going
on."
I shrug and put on the stupid red shoulder
straps, "Let's shovel some shit."
Back home Asher is watching the news with
Abby. When mom is in the kitchen he takes the
chance to tell Abby the crazy truth. "No way!"
"It's us."
"You guys are whack! That's so cool and...
unfortunate—but it's still cool!" Apparently, Abby's giving us the thumbs-up
for this. She's laughing beside Asher like he's
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just told her a good joke. "But you guys are
clean, right?"
"Ninety percent I'd say but I feel bad about
it, I think I'll leave some money in a bag and a
letter for the poor guy."
"Yeah that would be right. An apology
letter with a compromise." "I thing the government will help him out,
he can't sew anyone, maybe the security—"
"Insurance? Hello? He must have
insurance," Abby says, matter-of-factly.
"Oh, yeah."
"No wonder Lisa calls you dumb!"
For that he gives her a little squeeze, "But I
still have to do a little something."
"What's his name?"
"Zooda Bakuda."
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"Zooda Bakuda!"
"Yeah, what's up?"
"He's the moron who hates the animal
shelter! Remember his post on Avocado?" Asher blinks and it hits him. "God! You're
right!"
"Let's tell Lisa!"
Asher dials her number and gives his phone
to Abby who waits till she picks up.
Lisa starts, her voice in a bit of a hush,
"Asher, I'm busy here. You know—"
"It's Abby!"
"Well, Abby—"
"The candyman is Zooda!"
"Zooda?"
"The jerk who thinks the animal shelter
sucks! Hello? Bingo baby! Bingo!" !
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The other end is silent...
And Abby gets impatient, "Lisa, where's
your bingo?" "You have such a great memory!"
"That doesn't sound like bingo!"
"Thank you, Abby. Bingo, you got it. But
what does a candyman have against an animal
shelter?"
"Beats me, by the way, you heard about the
boys?"
"It's crazy. Do me a favor and punch Asher
for me."
Lisa hears a little fuss over the phone with
Asher yelping from a sudden blow. Abby
comes back, "With pleasure."
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Lisa tells Aisha about the strange
coincidence as they walk out of the Ladies and
continue with Madonna Lisa (the art teacher),
and the other scouts at the hospital. "In that case the guy deserves it!" says
Aisha, "He wanted to see the animal shelter go
down in flames, guess he got a taste of his own
medicine. I work there sometimes, I can't bear
to see it close." "They say Colby's is really close to
bankruptcy," says Lisa. They approach the
kitchen. Madonna Lisa stands before her scout
of twelve. Other students are scouting at
different hospitals. Madonna announces, "Today we'll start by
serving our patients with breakfast. Nurses will
be around to help..." !
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She trails on but Lisa and Aisha are
still chatting in their own airspace. "Why d'you think a guy like him would hate
the shelter?"
"Sounds like jealousy," says Aisha. "Why
else."
"Don't you see there's a weird connection
here? And the fact that he was found in the
shop when it was burning doesn't make sense
at all!"
"Where are you going with this?"
"Does your phone have data? I need to
check something out." "Nope."
Lisa decides to call Leo instead. "Why do you want me to do this?" Leo
asks.
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"Just do it."
Leo huffs, "Okay." We're back at the zoo
and before going to the elephants again, we
ask to be excused to the Men's. "What does she need?" I ask him once we
get to the baboon-smelling washroom. Leo takes out his iPhone and opens
Avocado, "She wants me to go through every
peel Zooda Bakuda made. Seems he's the
candyman the whole time!" "Fishy!"
Leo taps his way into the Avocado Archive
for previous posts. He searches by the name
and eleven peels appear in which Zooda
criticizes the shelter. He counts it useless. Lisa calls again, "Anything?"
"The man clearly isn't in love with animals."
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"When's the earliest anti-shelter post?"
"A week ago."
"What does he think the shelter should be
instead?"
"He says it's unnecessary and a dump
site or a bar would be better." "Thanks, will call you later. I'm onto
something here."
"Onto what—"
She hangs up too quickly and turns to
Aisha.
"Isn't Zooda in this hospital?"
"Yeah, but they say he will be discharged
soon."
Lisa takes a look around. She can see news
reporters surrounding a ward in the corridor.
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"It's either a reality show or Zooda is lying in
there right now." Aisha glances back and then returns her
gaze to Lisa, "You wanna talk to him? "Yeah, I've got something on him. Let's go
get him some orange juice!"
Aisha rolls her eyes. She has no clue why
Lisa is saying that. Lisa gets a chance to deliver
some juice for Zooda after begging Madonna
Lisa with puppy eyes, the best ticket to a little
conversation with him. "Sure?" asks Aisha. "Leave this to me."
A nurse escorts them into the ward. Zooda
is sitting on his bed as Lisa and Aisha place
down a tray of breakfast for him. The nurse
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leaves them alone for some talk. The scouts
have a chance to relate to their patients.
The candyman points at Aisha, "I
remember you. Did your boyfriend give you a
diamond yet?"
Aisha chuckles, "Not yet."
He takes a sip of his juice while Lisa
introduces herself. The boyfriend's brother. He
laughs at the coincidence.
"We're sorry about your shop," says Aisha.
"Ah right, well you know what they say, shit
happens."
"Guess there won't be any more candy
shopping for me." "It would be better if I gave you all the
candy for free," he chuckles, "But things go
down to make room for new things."
!
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"Which reminds me," Lisa jumps in, "I just
saw your banana peels about the animal shelter
and I totally agree with you. It's an eyesore!"
Zooda smiles wide. "We have the zoo, we
don't need another shelter."
"Exactly," says Lisa.
Aisha looks at her with eyes full of
confusion.
"It's a waste!" says Zooda.
"What do you think that place should be?"
"Um... a restaurant, a bar would be better.
Or a clinic."
"Do you think you can afford to buy the
place, they're going down so I bet they're
easy."
The candyman is caught off guard and falls
speechless. "I don't—"
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Lisa denies him the chance by pitching a
second question at him, "And last night I hope
you got what you were looking for. What
everyone's looking for!"
The breath leaves him for a second and all
he can do is stare. He turns his gaze and drinks
more juice. "I have no idea honestly—"
"Thank you, that's all I need. The
Philosopher's stone must really be precious for
you to risk your life on it. Let's go Aisha." Aisha follows her out with the slightest idea
of what Lisa's doing. "What's happening and
where are we going?"
"Popcorn Parlour, we need to speak with
the boys now!"
She hurries after her as they go down the
stairs, "Would you at least tell me what's up?" !
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"A diamond was stolen, we've just met our
thief!"
*
We all have messages plopping into our
phones from our sister. Asher sees it while
doing push-ups in the living room. I've just
received my shovel for the job I'm about to do
but I reach to see the text first:
let's meet up @ popcorn parlour now The urgency is clear in black and white. I
look up and see Leo staring back at me. He's
read the same message and nods at me. We
drop our shovels and we're off without a word.
"This is a good excuse to ditch the scouts
today," I say. !
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"If Lisa's got a good reason. Or else we
could get suspended. And I don't want more
trouble."
Leo and I take a bus north and arrive at the
Popcorn Parlour that's in the corner of a street.
Asher's Hummer is parked and I see my family
sitting with some snacks, anxiously waiting for
us. "Sorry we're late," says Leo as we take our
seats at the last outdoor booth. Aisha and Lisa
have cool scout uniforms that make them look
like air hostesses from Qatar airways. I've never
been, but I've seen the commercial.
"Okay, what's up?" I ask.
Aisha blurts out, "First of all, you three are
outta your minds!"
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"Thank you," Leo nods to what he feels is a
compliment.
"I wish I was there, Alex," says Abby who is
sucking on her strawberry ice-cream. "Trust me, you shouldn't," I reply.
Asher pushes a bag of popcorn across for
me, "Try some."
"No thanks, I've got the guilt."
"Suit yourself, I've got my bull-horn and
some rockets. I'm gonna blow them up with my
friends at the club tonight."
"Asher!" Lisa interjects, "Don't you think we
have enough trouble."
"I thought we're clear."
"Apart from that," says Lisa, "I've just found
out something crazy about Zooda. I think he
stole the diamond at the museum and wants it
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to buy the animal shelter so he can turn it into
a bar or something."
For a moment we all just stare at our sister
speechlessly.
"You're kidding, right?" says Leo.
"No way," says Lisa, "Aisha and I met him
at the hospital and I messed with his head, it
looks like he's going to transform Colby's." She
tells us about their little conversation and how
she left him afraid and speechless. "How can you be so sure?" Abby asks.
"Tell me why on earth would he run into his
burning candy shop? What was he trying to
protect? Why would he risk his life like that?"
"Maybe he hid some money, or something
really special to him," Asher guesses. !
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"Maybe... maybe something like a
diamond! He didn't want the firefighters to find
it, he'd get caught. And when I asked him
about buying the shelter and what he was
looking for he was defensive!"
"Maybe you have a point," I say, "But
what I know about the guy is that he has a
thing for artifacts. Did you see his rings?" Lisa shakes her head. She doesn't know
what she's missed. "Yeah," Aisha remembers the time we were
at the candy shop, "They have Egyptian
symbols. Alex recognized them, I don't know
how but he just did and he was freaked out
when Alex told him what they meant." Leo is lost in the pace of our discussion,
"Hold up, guys. You say you think this is our
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man just because his rings have symbols and
he ran into his burning shop and freaked out at
your questions?" "Yes," Lisa says confidently.
"Doesn't sound like enough," says Leo.
"And how did he even steal it. Isn't there
any laser sensors, infrared, all that security
junk?" asks Asher.
"Not possible," Lisa disclaims him, matterof-factly, "Diamond is transparent from infrared
through ultraviolet." Abby pokes Asher in the face, "Told you
you're dumb you uneducated dropout." She
makes us laugh and Asher squeezes her until
she squeals, almost dropping her strawberry. !
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"Back to the case, guys," I say, "If Zooda's
buying the animal shelter don't you think the
manager knows about this too?"
"Like they have a deal?" says Aisha.
I nod.
Aisha briskly flips out her phone, "Screw
him!" She dials a number and waits for the
other end to pick up. "Hey, Anita," says Aisha, "Is the big daddy
having a meeting some time soon? Or has he
mentioned anything about his plans to save the
shelter?"
I can't hear Anita's voice but Aisha nods to
what she's hearing and says thank you before
hanging up.
"He's off to the DaVinci hotel for a meeting
and he's advised her to find another job!" !
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Leo comes back with the pessimism, "And
you think he's meeting up with the
candyman?" "Hey, true or false, I don't want to lose my
job over there. Anita won't like it either and
where will all the animals go?" says Aisha.
"I think Leo's right," says Abby, "We're
playing with threads here, we haven't found
any knots."
"It's too circumstantial," adds Asher.
"How about this," I say, "We try our luck. If
we're wrong we won't lose anything. But if it's
true, we can stop him."
"Just us?" says Aisha. "It's gonna take a lot
more than six." "We'll need some help," says Lisa, "Zooda
has a hunch we're on him. I laid it plain on his
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face. And who knows what he's backing himself
up with. This could be really big."
Lisa has a point. I'm wondering if the man
has gunmen. We're talking about a
stolen diamond worth a fortune. I bend down
and post my banana peel on Avocado:
Help needed at DaVinci hotel! Diamond
thief may be found! This is not a joke, come
protect what's ours! Tell everybody!
"If we need help I've got the perfect plan,"
says Asher.
Lisa cocks her head at him, hoping he's not
devising any ideas to lead us into more trouble.
"Let's hear it," she says. !
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He shifts his gaze and gestures inside the
Popcorn Parlour where a coupe is standing at
the counter and receiving their popcorn. "Two
words: popcorn and rockets!"
Abby nudges him, "That's three words."
He squeezes her so hard that this time she
screams.
* It's a fifteen minute drive from the Popcorn
Parlour branch to Nelson Mandela square. In
the back seat I'm getting really exited about
the sudden turn of events. At first we were
sorry for burning down the candyman's shop,
now, we're at war with his scam. I look back
in the trunk and find it's full of popcorn bags
and rockets, just like our brother told us. !
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"Um... why do we need these again?" says
Abby after I hand her a rocket so she can feel
it. "Like I said, they were for the night," says
Asher as he drives past the Citibank and
Lekgotla African restaurant. "But not anymore."
We rush on Maude street, passing by the
Renaissance Day Spa that mom loves so much
and standing tall is the MichelAngelo Towers
mall. The sight of it makes me feel a sudden
urge to run in. The Marvel Carnival is going on
inside and I'm missing it. Lisa can see it on my
face and she smiles at me as Asher makes a left
turn, taking us south to the DaVinci hotel.
We slowly pull over and the moment we
step out, Aisha is already pointing at a black
BMW parked close to the entrance.
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"That's big daddy's car! He must be here."
"Do you really have to call him big daddy?"
says Abby. "Anita and I are used to that."
Lisa crosses her arms. She's pacing around
the parking lot until a taxi drives in. I catch a
glimpse of the man sitting in the back and it
seems it's all coming together like we thought.
"And here comes Zooda," I say. "So I guess we're right," says Leo. We
gather into a circle thinking of what to do next.
"But we need a plan." "Asher's idea is crazy but it might work," I
say.
"We only have one shot at this so we need
to know our directions," says Lisa, "One of us
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has to go in to know which room Zooda and
big daddy will be in." "Gosh!" Abby shrieks, "Do we really have
to keep calling him that?"
"Code names," I tell her.
Leo has his tongue in the side of his face for
a while before agreeing to volunteer, "I'll go in.
He's seen you two." He's right, Zooda would
definitely freak out if he knew Lisa and Aisha
still had his trail.
"Good luck," we tell him as he jogs away
into the hotel.
I turn to Asher, "Ready?"
He turns to Lisa and Aisha, "You ready?"
Lisa grins, the mischief showing in her face
as she holds the red bull-horn, but still, hoping
it all works out.
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Asher takes the Hummer round the hotel to
the nearby Nelson Mandela square. The statue
of the great man stands tall within the square.
I've been here a few times and I've always
marveled at the beautiful tall statue. We get out and unload the rockets and the
popcorn. I check my banana peel on Avocado
about this crazy scenario and decide to
broadcast it into Breaking News. That's the
cool thing about Avocado. If you've got
something really important to tell everybody,
tag it to Breaking News and it appears to
everyone in your everyone list. I get down and help strap the popcorn
bags to the to the rockets. The crazy plan is to
make this stuff rain. Yes, raining popcorn! We
need to get people to help. "So we need their
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attention!" Asher said back at the Parlour. In his
opinion, his bull-horn, a car-load of popcorn
and rockets is just what we need! "By the way," says Aisha, "Your scout
uniform is making you look really funny."
"Thank you," I say.
"Seriously, you'd make a good clown."
"Mr. Peter choose this for us."
Asher and Lisa rise up. "Now all we have to
do is blow this sky high and let it rain!"
Lisa stands by the enormous statue, waiting
with the bull-horn as I take out my lighter and
flick on the flame. A few passers-by have
stopped to see what we're up to with all this
stuff. I kindle a few of the rocket threads and
step back as they blast into the sky!
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"WOO-HOO!" Asher yells. Our first six
rockets are reaching for the clouds with big
bags attached to them and all at once they
explode, sending a shower of popcorn!
Aisha lights up more and more rockets and
slowly, people begin to gather round the
square. It's raining free popcorn! Lisa nudges me, "You think we'll get
enough people like this?"
"You doubt?"
"Kind of."
I look around and I see her point. It's a fifty
fifty. Somewhat tongue-in-cheek Abby suggests
something to me, "You want to go to the
Marvel Carnival, right?"
"I wish."
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She whispers her funny idea to me and it's
too crazy for me to not do. And it's bound to
earn us a stampede! * Inside the mall a carnival is going on in a
new Marvel section. New comics and movies
file across the shelves as fans crowd around
with hysteria for super-heroes. I've brought
Aisha along and everyone's busy making the
most out of the discounts, buying as much as
possible and playing games. I feel a little weird for walking in with a
lousy scout uniform but Leo and I had no
chance to change. We walk unnoticed behind a
poster of the Amazing Spiderman and I take a
deep breath. I replay what I'm about to do in
my head. !
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"They'll think you're bluffing," says Aisha,
"Unless you can convince them."
"And if I can't?"
She gives it to me simple, "Confuse them!"
"I think I'll go ahead with the second
option." Here goes nothing. I step up on a tower of
DVD player boxes and start clapping my hands
to get people's attention. "PEOPLE I HAVE A SERIOUS
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE HERE!" I cup my
hands around my mouth so I can sound louder.
A couple of people turn to me. "I'M HERE SO
YOU PEOPLE CAN OPEN YOUR EYES TO THE
TRUTH! MARVEL SUCKS! HULK, SPIDER-MAN,
CAPTAIN AMERICA, THEY ALL SUCK!"
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Some people get stirred up and start
yelling back. "Who the hell do you think you
are?"
"X-MEN... I HATE IT! AND TELETUBBIES IS
MUCH COOLER THAN THOR!"
Aisha has her fingers crossed behind me.
After what I've just blurted out, some people
have fallen speechless, some crack up and I'm
now being attacked by soda cans. I see a
crowd of teens coming up to me, probably
they want to take me down.
"AND TO ICE THIS, I WANT YOU TO
KNOW THAT I THINK THE AVENGERS MOVIE
SUCKS. I THOUGHT I WAS WATCHING A
CRAPPY VIDEO GAME!" "SOMEBODY GET THAT LUNATIC!" A
boy points at me like I stole his ice-cream and
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with what he's just said, he's able to summon a
stampede of marvel fans coming at me. If looks
could kill, then 52-caliber guns are staring at
me right now. "ALEX, RUN!" My girlfriend yells to me and
I don't need a second warning. I dash out the
store with a huge crowd of angry fans on my
tail. I lead them out the mall and they chase me
into the square where Lisa's trying to get the
attention of another crowd. They're still
collecting free popcorn and I mix up with them
so the marvel geeks lose me. Lisa yells into the horn, "PEOPLE I NEED
Y'ALL TO LISTEN UP!"
It's so loud, she could be queen out here.
I'm only hoping this works out, her voice has
authority. I consider it her gift. She tries again
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and eventually my sister manages to get the
attention of the entire mob of Marvel geeks
and popcorn lovers in the square. "WE NEED YOUR HELP TO SAVE THE
ANIMAL SHELTER!"
Lisa gives a brief of the entire scandal. All
the while, the entire square was quiet. "... HE'S
UP THE DAVINCI HOTEL. IF WE CAN MOB IN
LIKE THIS, WE CAN SAVE IT. THE TIME TO
HELP IS NOW!"
She takes down the bull-horn for a
moment, waiting to see their reaction. I look
around to see if anyone says something or
even claps their hands... No one. This feels
nerve-racking. Somebody... anybody...?
Suddenly I hear some clapping. Finally! I
turn my head through the crowd and then I
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notice it's just Abby. I smile and somehow, she
ignites the chain reaction for that ovation we
were looking for. And all of a sudden the
square is filled with a wave of cheers. "THEN FOLLOW ME!" Lisa declares.
She marches towards the DaVinci hotel with
Asher and the huge mob behind. I'm hiding
behind the Mandela statue hoping I won't get
noticed. Aisha pops her face, almost startling
me. She chuckles, "I'm glad you're okay."
"Yikes! Girl, next time knock."
She laughs, "Knock a statue?" "I'm freaked out. My past twenty four hours
has been insane."
She nods with empathy, "I know and like I
said, glad you're okay."
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I manage a smile, "Glad too." And this is how it all wraps up: The
candyman and the big daddy are in their room
when a huge uncontrollable mob barged in
and attacked. It looked like they were out to
capture Osama Bin Laden. When it happened
they had no chance of defense. Asher went
straight for Zooda and managed to get the
diamond after a very thorough check! He had
to hold it up so no one else would steal it.
Cops came eventually, we had over a hundred
witnesses and Zooda and big daddy ended up
in the back seat of a police cruiser. Colby's
animal shelter is saved! The diamond is back in
the museum and Gala is back to normal and
thank God we are done with scouts and back
to school—the way I like it to be. !
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At homeroom time I get out my history
book from my locker and shut it. "And how is Gala's favorite student
doing?" Aisha sings, hugging me from behind.
I roll my eyes and Aisha jabs me in the ribs,
"Don't roll at me." "Don't tease me about my teachers it's
weird."
"Better hurry, we're getting late for class."
"Just a moment, would you turn around,
please?" Aisha's brows go up, "Turn around?"
"Yeah."
"Okay," she spins to face the other way and
right then I put a necklace around her neck and
kiss her right under her hairline. "There's your diamond."
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"Jesus!" she spins around to face me, her
hands feeling the precious heart-shaped stone
dangling on her chest. "It's... Gorgeous, Alex!"
I shrug, "I guess I owe it to the candyman.
Too bad he's in jail. He'd be happy to see
this." Lisa comes to get her Mandela book back
from me but we're kissing so much we don't
notice a thing.
"Diamonds, sex or chocolate?" she sees
Aisha's new necklace and rolls her eyes, "I
guess it's diamond." She retrieves the book
herself and leaves for her science. When
people matter to you, never let them walk
in your life without letting them know. We don't
have forever—at least not on earth—but we do
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have diamonds and candy shops to help show
'em how much they mean. !
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16
NEVER LET A MONKEY HAVE A GUN
My sister just beat me in an arm-wrestle!
Abby leans back from the table, grinning
back at me from her victory. "YAHOO!"
Our table in the school cafeteria is circled
by friends and other students to witness Abby
slamming boys' hands on the table, each time
yelling with pride.
"How does she do it?" people ask behind
me.
Abby laughs at me, "You know the drill,
Alex, get your ass out the bench, haha!"
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I step out and point directly in her face, "It's
either you're Wonderwoman or it's drugs!"
"She's on drugs," Aisha answers as I step
back and let Mark sit on the bench. He beats
his fists together trying to look tough.
"I'll make this easy for you," says Mark.
Abby laughs back, "Yeah right! Get your ass
down!"
"It is down."
"Oh, okay, I can't see."
They claps their hands together and on the
very count of three, Mark's hand is down like it
was never up at all.
"WHAT!" the look in his eyes is pure
disbelief. He gets up, and can't believe Abby
beat him too. "You're just a girl!"
"Ass up and leave!" says Abby, "Next!"
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"I am up!"
"Then leave, doofus! Ugh! I can't see, ya
know?"
Mark trudges away and another guy takes
the challenge to beat Abby but it's the same
thing over and over here.
Lisa comes up after her defeat, "I guess this
makes you feel a little better about Abby
beating you."
"What? Just because she's beat everyone
else too?" I ask.
Lisa nods with a smirk, her cranberry
lipgloss shining on her lips.
"Whatever!"
Some slim kid sits for the challenge and Leo
cracks up.
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"Seriously!" he laughs, pointing at the bag
of bones with his elbow down on the table,
"That guy hardly weighs a penny!" His arm
looks like his bone. Where did his flesh go?
This time, Abby slams down so hard we fear
the guy's wrist is broken.
"Damn!" I watch as he trudges away after a
flawless defeat. "That was fast!"
I don't know what tricks Bull taught her over
at the Park but she's now a black-belt in this.
Leo pats my back, grinning, "I'm gonna put an
end to this."
He leaves us and bustles through the little
crowd just as Abby slams down Emily and she
leaves crying with an almost broken hand.
Abby throws her arms up, "AM I LIKE A
GODDESS? WHICH ASS IS NEXT?"
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"I am!" Leo takes his seat and clasps hands
with Abby.
"Leo?"
"Right here, sister!"
"Leo, no, get out. I'm making money here."
Leo laughs, "You wrestled Alex, you can
wrestle me."
Leo, Bull and Asher are the only ones to
have beaten Abby. Last night dad went to bed
with a sore wrist after she crashed him down so
hard he flipped off his chair. Daddy's little girl!
It was so funny, we laughed till this morning.
Dad couldn't believe it.
Leo and Abby begin and in a few seconds
full of falling sweat beads and desperate facial
expressions, it's over for her.
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"All right, all right, all right," she gets out
the bench with all the grace she can pull.
"ASS UP! ASS UP!" Leo laughs and kisses
his biceps.
"I'm going, I'm going, okay!"
"ASS UP!" he is laughing so hard his
tongue is sticking out.
I pat Aisha's shoulder, "Wait till you see
this."
Leo is still cracking up while he waits to see
if anyone else is stepping up.
"And my ass down," I sit on the bench with
my unopened can of Coke and rest it on the
table beside my elbow.
"You?" Leo grins.
"Let's get this on!"
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We clasp and wrestle. Our biceps contract
and veins surface my skin. I must admit, Leo is
tough! I've only been able to throw him down
once.
"You're going down, brother!" he hisses
but I've got a trick beside me.
"Oh, you don't know what's coming!" I pick
up my Coke can and shake it real fast making
sure I still keep my balance and then I snap it
open in front of his face!
"Aaargh! My eyes man!"
Before he knows it, I've slammed his hand
down and I'm the new champion! "ASS UP!
ASS UP! ASS UP! Who's ass is going up now?"
I snicker at him and he simply grins back.
But behind that grin I know he wants to shove
that Coke down my throat.
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"I should've seen that coming!"
"Oh, but you didn't!"
Mr Peter rounds the counters for some
doughnuts before heading out. He catches a
glimpse of me after beating Leo and he smiles.
Flashbacks of our arm-wrestle appear in my
mind. It was the day I punched him in the face.
We got off the wrong foot but we're cool now.
Mr. Peter heads to his office where a pile
homework awaits his red pen. He sits down his
red chair, which looks pretty stylish and tears
open his lunch-bag to retrieve his doughnuts.
He takes a bite and places it down while he
pulls out a pen and brings down the first book
for marking.
He flips Layla's book open... she didn't do
the work. He slides it away and pulls down
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Derek's and stops turning the pages when he
comes to his story.
Our assignment was about a true life story.
The more personal, and emotional, the more
marks we'd get. And I don't know why but this
honest junk is twenty marks in our finals. It may
sound weird because we haven't even begun
second term but I guess he's desperately
looking for something. For a light, for a true
story.
"Why my mom hates cabbages," Peter
murmurs the title while chunking his lunch. And
he reads each word like he's never marked
before.
After school, we tread down the stairs to
the football field for a game. I'm with my family
(that includes my girlfriend) looking for a cool
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place to sit. The entire school has migrated to
the grounds.
"So what did you decide to write about?"
Aisha asks me. Last night we were doing
homework together and she tempted me to
write one of my crazy adventures. I remember
the whole funny argument we had up in her
room. She wanted me to write about how I got
into an arm-wrestle with Peter, or how I crashed
into the mayor's pool with her in a sports-car
but I considered that personal.
"Which is exactly what he wants!" Aisha
had said, grinning at me while I thought of a
better idea. I tried not to listen to her but she
was too loud if you know what I mean. She
filled me in about the day I almost got shot
while saving my sister and how I stole the
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principal's diary but that felt more like a story
Leo would tell because Avocado was his idea. I
asked her what she was writing but she didn't
want to tell me.
In the end it clicked and I knew what I
wanted to write but tit for tat, I stuck my
tongue at her and told her I wouldn't let her
know either. It caused another argument but
neither of us gave in.
"So you're still not gonna tell me?" she
says, posing with her backpack hanging on a
single strap. She looks pretty like this.
"Not until you beat me in an arm-wrestle."
"Hm, how about Kung-Fu, you versus me!"
"You serious?"
"Did I stutter?"
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I laugh to myself. This will be extremely
easy. "Cool, but promise me you won't cry
when you're ass swells from my wrath."
She lets her backpack drop on Lisa's lap,
who is sitting on the wooden bleachers with
the rest. Leo and Abby are so anxious.
"You're on, boy!" Aisha grins and we step
onto the field's grass.
"Kick her butt, Alex!" Abby shouts.
"Al, you have no idea what you're doing!"
says Leo.
"Alex, boys don't fight girls!" Lisa cries.
"Lisa, I don't follow rules."
Aisha squares herself and puts her hands
and feet in position.
"What are you? Jackie Chan?"
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She doesn't answer and I swiftly reach for
her hands in an attempt to pull her into a
headlock but she instantly wraps hers around
mine and locks her other hand on top. She
pulls down and I feel a surge of pain spreading
up my arm like fire. She knocks my face with
her elbow and I stumble back.
"Damn!"
Aisha smiles and then does a curtsy before
returning to her fighting stance. I didn't see
that coming but this time I won't let her get a
chance like that again. I charge, aiming for her
left flank but she grabs my wrist in a fashion
I've only seen in movies and twists it. She spins
around and I don't know how she's done it but
my feet are off the ground and I twist in the air
before falling back with a thud. Ouch!
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Aisha circles me like a wolf, grinning at how
much fun she's having, "You had enough?"
"Alex, is she kicking your butt?" Abby asks.
She's heard Lisa and Leo laughing around her.
"Not exactly," I reply and get myself back
on two. This time I lunge at her with no mercy.
She throws two hooks that I block but I don't
see as her kick meets me below the chest. A
second kick flanks me and I'm spinning. She's
totally knocked the wind out of me and before I
get my balance back she sweeps my feet with
hers. She does it so professionally I feel like I
really am fighting Jackie Chain as I fall! My face
hits first and I eat grass!
Aisha laughs. I roll over and see she's
giving me a hand to help me up. I manage a
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smile. I guess I still have the grace to let her
pull me up.
"Now wasn't that a piece of cake," she
laughs.
"What are you?"
"I'm Aisha," and she plants a kiss square on
my lips, "Your girlfriend."
"Seriously."
"I did martial arts when I was young. Dad
thought it was cool, I just loved kicking ass!"
"Well, you're one badass chick!"
Abby blurts from the bleachers, "Alex, did
she kick your butt?" I can tell by the edge of
her voice she might decide to kick it too for my
losing to Aisha.
"Nope, she just tripped me."
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"That better be true! If your girl is
whooping your ass you better find another. I
don't want my brother getting the wind
whooped out his butt by some rockstar, you
feel me?"
I bend low and laugh hard. Abby is not
going to be happy with me today. I should've
listened to Leo warning me before we started.
He must've known Aisha was cool with all these
fluid karate moves.
Aisha kneels down and runs her hand in my
hair, "You okay?"
"I'm fine."
"You gonna tell me?" she asks, referring to
my story.
"I wrote about what happened at the zoo
with the kids from the orphanage and how we
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thought Emsley was kidnapped and stuff. I also
added a little personal piece."
"What's that?"
I sigh before I breathe it out to her, "I've
never known my real parents. Not my real
dad," I sigh again, feeling the words weigh on
me, "And not my real mom."
She mouths, "I'm sorry." When we both get
up she hugs me.
"If I knew I would have taken this easy on
you."
She makes me chuckle. My hand runs down
her long raven hair and with my face beside
hers I'm breathing in her sweet mango
perfume. It makes her seem fruity—if that even
makes sense.
"I'd like to show you somewhere," she says.
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"Sure."
I breathe. More and more mango perfume
and it's odd that these odd things makes me
feel better. A lot better.
*
Aisha shows me around Colby's animal
shelter. She works here part-time on weekends
and some weekdays. She tells me she began
ever since moving in to Sandton with her mom.
"Why d'you move from Marshalltown?" I
ask.
"To start over I guess," she says
nonchalantly. Something in her voice tells me
she'd rather not talk about it. "And here is
Rupert, our biggest turtle."
We've been passing by fences that cage
animals behind them. Aisha kneels down,
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showing me the biggest turtle I've ever seen in
my life.
I kneel beside her, "It's huge!"
"Larger than the ones at the zoo."
I chuckle, "This place is whack! You
should've brought me here earlier."
She gets up and shows me more animals.
We pass by a family of kittens, a couple of wild
birds and some beavers and dogs.
"It's my sanctuary," she tells me while
stopping by a family of parrots. The bright
colors on their plumage, a nice blend of red,
blue, yellow and orange is completely
breathtaking.
"They're beautiful!"
The parrot mimics me, "Their beautiful!"
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I'm taken aback by that and Aisha laughs. I
forgot parrots could mimic what we say.
"Tell him how stupid he is!" says Aisha.
The parrot turns to me and says, "You're
stupid!"
"How did you get him to do that?"
"I've trained him," she says.
I smile, "Nice, but I'm not stupid."
The parrot says it again, "You're stupid!"
Aisha laughs and tugs me away, "Let's go."
Our path curves ahead and the sound of
chattering tells me there are some monkeys
ahead. When we pass by some more hungry
looking dogs I see some monkeys dancing on
the trees behind the fence.
"Do you know what type that is?" Aisha
points at the monkey that is swinging down a
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pine with it's tail. It moves back and forth like
it's sniffing her out.
"I didn't bring any food for you," she tells
it.
"Maybe it's your perfume."
"Oh, right! That must be it! Poor thing. I
don't have any mangos, okay?" she turns her
gaze back to me, "So?"
"I have no idea."
"Really? Try," she gives me a playful punch
in the stomach.
"Um..." it looks black, small and ugly and I
honestly can't come up with anything. Out of
impatience Aisha pulls my arm back and forth
and finally tells me it's a spider-monkey.
"It was so obvious!"
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"Aisha how many species of monkeys are
there?"
"About a hundred twenty five."
"And I'm supposed to know exactly what
this one is?"
"Well, spider-monkeys have made more
appearances in movies than any other kind so
that should count for something," she says with
a matter-of-fact tone. "And they're common."
"Whatever."
Next she shows me a mandrill which she
tells me is the largest type of monkey. It
actually gives me the creeps to have to stare at
it.
She notices I'm on edge. "You okay?"
"Yeah."
"You look creeped out."
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"Your mandrill is staring back at me like I
stole his lunch."
She chuckles, "Larry does that to
strangers."
She shows me the Kirk's Red Colobus
monkey which she says is only naturally found
in Zanzibar and then we play with a mirror and
a chimp. We have a good laugh at it and we
take videos on our phones as the chimp makes
faces in the mirror.
"Monkeys can't do this," Aisha explains,
"Only chimps can recognize their reflection."
Sometimes I stand still and let her pipe down
all these cool facts. She's like a walking
encyclopedia.
As we pass by more monkeys she just
keeps filling me in, "Monkeys never get a cold,
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but gorillas do and by the way, our birth control
pills can actually work on gorillas too!... spider
monkeys can hang by the tip of their tail... the
howler monkey is the loudest mammal, it can
be heard for ten miles!"
"Ten miles!"
"Yup!" she nods, while showing me what
she calls a Mexican spider-monkey. I have no
idea how she can tell. "They do it to declare
their territory."
We've passed by a lot of moneys now so I
guess this is the monkey side of the shelter.
Our path curves back to the building and a few
more monkeys remain on our way there. Aisha
keeps piping on... Gorillas have unique nose
prints like how we have unique finger prints,
Japanese macaques make natural Jacuzzi's out
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of hot springs, monkeys yawn when they're
mad, monkeys this and monkeys that.
"Did you know a monkey was once tried
and convicted for smoking a cigarette in
Indiana?"
I throw my arms up and land them on her
shoulders, "Girl! Give me a break!"
She smiles, "I just love this stuff. Do yo ever
wonder how all the animals fit in Noah's ark?"
"I wonder how they fit in your head!"
We crack up and I let go of her. She tells
me the shelter is a very liberating place for her
and I've honestly not seen her happier
anywhere else.
"But did you know—"
"Hey!"
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"Sorry," she laughs, "Let me show you
Sam. He's my favorite."
We move a few steps further where another
spider-monkey is hanging from a branch. It
immediately gets exited when it sees Aisha and
claws it's hands and feet around the fence to
get closer. It's much cuter than the first one.
Aisha pulls out a key and opens a small
door at the bottom of the fence to let Sam out.
The monkey runs up and sits on her shoulder.
It's so cute I take a picture and my girl's smile
just melts me when I snap.
"Sam hates flashing lights," she says.
"The flash is off."
After the quick snap we head back to the
building and she shows me into a kitchen. She
pulls out a banana for Sam and he grabs it. He
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jumps up a microwave where he peels it. Aisha
hands me an apple and takes one for herself
too.
"Sam is my best company here, we do lots
of stuff together."
"Really?"
"Yeah," she says, while crunching her
apple, "Movies, music and oh my God, Sam
has a huge love for music!"
"Rock?"
"Indie-rock, reggae, hip hop. But he loves it
when I play him a song on my banjo. That's
why I always come with this." She leaves the
room and soon comes back with a banjo. But
she doesn't play it. She teaches me a little
instead. The best I've managed is her electric
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guitar at her place so this new instrument will
need some getting used to.
"Thanks."
"It's nothing. I should've done this a long
time ago."
I edge closer to kiss her but she places her
fingers on my lips to stop me, "Sam doesn't
like it. He gets crazy when people kiss on TV."
"You've got to be kidding me."
She giggles her way out of my arms to take
Sam back. Then she comes back and throws
her arms around for a kiss. "I'm sorry but I
mean it when Sam gets crazy and he's not easy
to control."
I shrug. I check my watch. It's time I went
home.
*
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The school is just about empty. Two
teachers remain, the janitor is packing and the
security are on duty now. In his office, Mr. Peter
checks his watch and knows it's time.
Just one more book.
He puts my book aside and pulls down
Aisha's. We normally submit our homework
together. He's tired that he's tempted to skim it
but he knows that he cant overlook what he's
looking for. He elephant yawns and opens her
book to read her work. His red pen still
between his fingers, but not for punctuation
errors. When he assigned us this homework last
week Peter faced the class, as usual I was
sitting next to Aisha and the Bear, half the class
what chatting on their phones that our teachers
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hardly notice and Peter said two words that
shook me down to the spine, "Impress me."
Ten minutes later his red pen is now
shaking in his hands and his eyes turn to water.
He wipes a tear and scribbles the word
beautiful in Aisha's book. It's been a long day
in the office.
"I've read nothing like this all day!" He
wipes another tear before shutting her book.
He leans back, sad. But he's found it. And it
shakes him like a fever. "I've been looking for
this for a long time." With that he puts away
her book, handling it like a national treasure
and once he's out in the night he doesn't hold
back this time. He let's himself cry. He fumbles
for his handkerchief, still crying, still in the
lamplight, the tears rolling down his face.
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*
I get home a little late for taking Aisha to
her place first where she taught me how to play
her banjo. Lisa's surprised to see me walk in
with a new instrument.
"You bought that?"
"No. Aisha let me have it. I'm practicing."
"You spent quite a while there," says Abby
from the couch.
"She showed me around the shelter. It's a
neat place." I go to the kitchen and hug my
mom. She gives me a tall glass of OJ and I hiss
thanks.
"Abby, told me your girlfriend beat you
up," says mom.
I laugh and almost choke on my juice. "It's
not what you think."
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"Does Abby have anything serious against
your girlfriend?"
"They just enjoy pissing each other off. No
big deal."
Mom smiles and refills my glass. After my
drink I head for my room and get changed. We
have dinner later and after that is one boring
night full of homework and Monkey chatting.
The next day I'm walking down the school
hallway and stop by my locker. I've brought my
new banjo over too so I can practice in the free
periods. But for now, I leave it in my locker,
take my stuff and head for the class. I'm a little
late today, the last one in but Peter doesn't
mind that.
"Here," Peter hands me my book.
"Uh, thanks."
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"Nice story, that quite scared me too."
I smile and take my seat. Aisha looks a bit
edgy today. One look and I know she's not
herself at all.
"I'd like to see you today," says our teacher,
pointing at her.
"After class?"
"Whenever you have time."
She nods. When he turns his back I ask her
what she wrote and she shakes her head,
saying she'll tell me later. She doesn't tell me
but it's because I don't ask her anyway. At
lunch me and my family head to Bull's Park for
some pizza and pineapples. Asher's already
waiting for us. We take our usual booth and I
give him a knuckle-bump.
"What's up?"
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"Just chilling," he says. "Practice was crazy
today! Two guys twisted their ankles."
"Too bad," says Lisa.
"Hi, fellas!" Bull comes round our table with
a tray and sets a Super Kingsize Bull pizza on
our table.
"Hey!" we wave back. Ever since Olivia he's
been a hell lot more cheerful. It's not just
business for him, when he smiles it's more
genuine.
"The Bull Megapizza is on the house!"
"You mean it's free?" says Abby. For God's
sake, the pizza's as big as our table! I wish she
could see what she is calling free.
"Hell no! I just love the phrase. But my new
milk is free!"
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"Oh my God I hope it's not poison," says
Leo, already clutching his tummy to fake an
ache.
"Oh please," says Bull. He turns to the
waiters on the counter, "Five cartons of Milkyway Galaxy."
"It's all right," says Lisa, "I'll have a
cranberry."
"Try my new Galaxy. It's out of this world."
A waiter comes with our Galaxies and
places milk cartons in front of us.
Bull spreads his arms like Santa Claus in an
apron, "On the house!"
Abby snickers, "You can say that again."
He does. And it's funny. I stick in my straw
and sip his new milk and it's not bad. It actually
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cools me inside out like an inbuilt conditioner.
It even tastes a bit like Abby's milk-soda.
"So what do you think?"
"It's great," I say.
"Lisa?"
She smiles, "Nice. So now can I have my
cranberry?"
He rolls his eyes and calls the waiter.
"By the way, you guys coming to the
reggae festival?" says Bull.
"Let me guess, you're supplying."
Bull gives me the all business grin again, a
gap showing between his teeth that I never
noticed before. Maybe Showdy gave it to him.
"No contacts no business. But come it'll be
fun. Stew Marley will be playing with his band
from Jamaica."
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"We'll come," says Asher.
"Nice."
"I don't like reggae," I tell him.
"Doesn't mean you won't enjoy the show,"
he pats my back but it feels like a spank,
"There's gonna be lots of stuff. Like I said, it's
not just a concert, it's a festival. I'm going with
Olivia. Bring your girl too."
I smile when he mentions our principal but I
still like his idea. Maybe Aisha will love it. I
don't have to. As long as she's having a great
time I will.
Abby rocks my shoulder, shaking me out of
my thoughts, "Bring your kick-ass girlfriend."
"You scared she will kick your butt for
asking?" Leo adds. I grab his Galaxy and
squeeze it so the milk spatters his face.
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"Whoa..." Asher chuckles at the drama. Leo
grabs a piece of pineapple and shoves it in my
face with his hands. He's practically making me
kiss it.
"You think I like food on my face?"
"Easy guys," says Lisa, "We're family."
Leo's eyes are crazy right now, "Oh, we are
family!"
"Stop it!" I lean back and his next attack of
pineapple lands on my jeans. "Shit man!"
Bull just laughs at us, "Milky-way, the way
to go!"
"Is that for the TV ad?" Abby is quick to
notice the catch.
"Um, yeah."
"I like it."
"Thanks!"
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Leo passes me a napkin, "Family, huh?"
I smile, "Family. But that doesn't mean I
won't get back at you for this."
Bull leaves our table. A waiter comes by
and hands us a poster with Stew Marley
covering most of it and some details about the
festival. You know, maybe it's not a bad idea. I
should take her with me.
* But she doesn't seem interested. I've been
talking to her and I sense something's wrong.
At first I think it's a bad day when Aisha just
smirks at me and passes by in the corridor
without a word but it seems worse. We hardly
talk for five minutes on the phone which is not
normal. We're not hanging out that much these
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days. She says she's busy and when I ask, it's
always the shelter.
On Friday night I'm helping my parents in
their flower-shop with Lisa. I pick up a pot of
Cattleya, and remember the action movie. The
petals are long and a cool shade of pink on
purple. They remind me of Aisha too. Mom is
inside, servicing the rest of the customers. It
was always her dream to open her very own
flower shop and thank God Asher made that
possible. I smile, thinking about how much our
lives have changed since our brother became a
basketball star while I watch Lisa checking out
some pretty flowers.
"How's you girl?" she asks.
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"Weird again," I say. She crosses over to
me with a pink flower in hand that she sticks in
my hair. "That's girly."
"You look good though." she has one in
her short hair too. She's the best at combing
hair, it's a nice fit, a slick cover of glistening
black hair. Flat and neat. The flower in it makes
me dream of taking the holiday to Hawaii with
my family and maybe my girl too but she's
been so unusual lately.
"I don't get her," I tell lisa.
"There must be a reason, and don't blame
her either."
"What should I do. She's spending eternity
at the shelter."
"Go talk to her and ask her what's up. Take
her out."
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"That hasn't been easy. She just wants to
meet up at Colby's."
"Try harder, use your charm, use the stare,
the eye contact, anything."
"That sounds desperate."
She raises her brow in a sexy manner,
"Aren't you?"
I sigh and smile away. "I guess..."
She shakes me up, something she's been
doing a lot lately. I guess she loves it. "It's
gonna be okay. Just have to understand her."
"Understand what?"
She's about to go but stops at my question,
"Understanding doesn't mean you know what's
wrong, it means you smile knowing you're okay
with how weird she is and you'll always be at
her side all the time."
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I smile, "Mom told you that?"
"Yeah, once upon a time. And it worked,"
she turns for the door to the shop, "I'll be
back."
I get down and the scent of flowers fills me
but it's not what I want. I want to be with her. I
wonder what perfume she has on this time.
Maybe pancakes.
At home I lie on my bed with the blue
sheets under me. I tap Avocado on my phone
and it opens up. The first peel I see is Bull's. It's
about the reggae festival and his new milk
product. I have a hunch he'll be officially
launching Galaxy on that same day. For now
he's giving away free stuff so we won't hesitate
buying later. I scroll the news and find a list of
boring banana-peels so I switch to Monkey
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Chat where a message from the Bear waits for
me.
has bull bn gvng u free milk? yeah! An instant later I see his reply, it comes
word by word while he types. And I like this
thing about Monkey Chat.
don't know bout u but I luv the offer & im
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I dnt know what I've bn told, milkyway's da
way to go! I smile at the catch. Bull is getting good at
his writing skills. But the whole hysteria about
the upcoming concert makes me come back to
the more heavier things: Aisha. I check and see
she's online and then I message her.
I miss u This time, her reply is quick, like before.
Me 2
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The reply takes a while. It's obvious she's
thinking since the words come to me slowly,
one at a time like she's trying to make a hard
decision.
I'd luv to but... I thnk I'll cum, I need 2 thnk
about it seriously? dnt push I said I'll think. I got other stuff
here u talking about ur monkeys?
that felt rude
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sorry but it can't help noticing how much
time u spend over there, I hardly c u after
school
It's not bn my best week so I just wanna
look busy
I sigh and think maybe I should follow
Lisa's advice. Even if I still don't get the
chemistry of it.
I understand
U do?
I know I don't and I hate to be dishonest. I
roll over and look out the window, a tree half!
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blocking my sight of the next house. I get out
of bed and walk over to the window. I pull up
and let in the wind and stare out like the right
answer will just fly in any moment through the
window. By this moment, I already know what I
want to say. It's best I just say it.
No, I don't understand u. I'm sorry, I just
wish we cud talk someplace. But not @ Colby's.
Pls.
Goodnight, luv u.
I sight and lie back on my bed. It should've
gone better than that. It should've. For the first
time ever I feel like like Monkey Chat isn't so
fun anymore.
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*
I've gone through lectures with my entire
family, sometimes it sucks how they care SO
DARN MUCH about me. Don't get me wrong, I
love it all, I love them but too many people
trying to help fix my love-life can get pretty
annoying for me. I had to go through my mom,
Leo just made fun of me, Abby big-ed me up
some tough love quote but only Asher and Lisa
made any real sense. I'm just going to give her
the space she needs.
But it's hard. It's art lesson, Madonna Lisa is
boring when talking about how bad she loves
Pablo Picasso and my girlfriend is a seat in front
of me. We haven't talked much. I hope she
doesn't misinterpret my giving her space for
my wanting to break up. That would be a total
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breakdown but I'm sure we're not that bad. I
type out a message for her under my desk.
Wanna go out 2nyt?
Where?
I'm glad at her response. I know my plan
was to step back but I just can't do that all
week. I need her.
Brown Bear? Pizza Hut? Chocolate Bank?
Um... I got a long day again, I'm sorry
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I puff the air out my cheeks behind her. She
hears it and turns around to glance at me. "You
use your phone a lot to talk to me nowadays."
I bob towards her, "And you're tryna say
that...?"
"Forget it," she turns back. I message her
one last time.
R u ok?
Y don't u come to the shelter with me?
U r so cooped up there n I wouldn't want to
encourage that.
Forget I asked.
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I stop messaging her. I slip back into my
chair and let Madonna's talk of the famous
artists take me away. Her eyes are swooning by
the way. She must be lovesick. I guess that
makes to of us.
At Bull's Park I try to hide my sad feelings.
But there's nothing Lisa or Asher can't see on
my face no matter how hard I try to hide it. And
all Abby has to do is to touch me and she
instantly knows it's all wrong.
"It didn't go well, did it?" says Lisa.
"I couldn't give her space... enough."
"I know you want her to understand you
too. She will eventually. Maybe she already
does."
"I just don't get it."
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Abby joins in to help, "She's not your
average girl. She kicks ass like a ninja, that's for
sure and you don't find that in the average."
"So...?"
"Relax, it'll be okay."
Leo pats my shoulder, "Man, if there's some
brotherly advice you need, it's this: If you think
your girl is complicated, wait till you meet a
woman. If you think a woman's messed up, wait
till you have a wife. If you think you're wife is
totally screwed up, wait till she's pregnant!"
I grin at him. Always the joker.
*
The rest of the week I do my best to give
her time and space. But I can't hold back
forever. Not with the festival coming up
tomorrow! On Friday evening after three days
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of silence I finally ask her out again. This time I
call. It rings but her phone won't pick up. I try
seven times and I'm thinking she probably left
it somewhere. I'm so desperate—yes, at this
point I admit I am—and I take a bike and steer
my way to the shelter.
I jump out of the bike and let it drop
behind me as I race up the doors. I barge in,
the first room is a pet store with a long oval
counter stretching between walls. Anita, is on
her chair and stares as I charge at the next
door. I find Aisha in the kitchen with Sam,
watching the Expendables from a TV on the
wall.
"Hey."
She startles at my voice and spins around,
"Hey, you came." She runs and gives me a hug.
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It feels damn nice to be close to her again.
"And you're sweating."
"I was in a hurry."
"What's up?" she asks, helping Sam up her
shoulder. I have an urge to throw that creature
into a power fan with razor sharp blades but I
keep my calm and focus. I don't want this run
over too.
"This," I lift up two tickets to the festival.
Her eyes scan them and her jaw drops.
"You bought them already!"
"Because I know you'll say yes, won't you?"
she notices the doubt in my tone. It's obvious,
and this week hasn't been easy. "Look, I know
I'm difficult sometimes but I really want to take
you out tomorrow. Please?"
"Alex—"
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"Please." I take her hands and stare deep
into her hazel eyes and it's as if I just put her
under a spell. She says yes. It's the best thing
I've heard all week. "Great, I'll pick you up
tomorrow."
"No, I'll meet you there."
"All right."
"Wanna help me feed Rupert?"
"Who?"
"The giant turtle."
I shrug to mean what the heck. She smiles
and leads the way.
*
The festival is alive and wild. I've come with
my family but we just parted ways. I'm with Leo
and Asher at a toy gun booth but not all guns
here are exactly toys. Leo just bought a BB gun
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and is shooting wildly at the trees around the
Kellerney club. Asher follows with his gun too
and they dive into the little forest to attack
innocent couples making out.
"That's really not cool!" I shout at them.
"You sound like mom!" shouts Leo. Ndekia
jogs behind them with a camera to video them
since I refused. I stand by a tree and
impatiently check my watch. It's already 2pm.
Aisha was supposed to call me when she
arrived. I don't want the thoughts to kill me so I
skip my way through the crowd to Abby who's
having fun with cotton candy.
"Hey, Al," she says before I even get to her.
Sometimes I wonder how she recognizes my
footsteps so well even when we're in a crowd.
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"Hi," I place her cap on properly. "Looking
hot!"
"As usual!" she laughs, "But where's your
hottie? The lemon to your sun! The vitamin C
to your cold! Hahaha!"
"Abby, please," I nudge her to stop. "She's
not here yet."
"The band's already here," says Abby,
"Mom told me."
Mom is over a close booth, maybe getting
some more cotton candy and I scan further to
see a technician onstage testing the
equipment.
"I really don't know," I tell Abby. "But heck,
I have you."
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"Haha. But face the fact. You'll make love to
her not us, so you gotta make sure you have
her where you want her."
"Not easy. Girls are complicated."
Abby jokes, "Wait till you see a woman!"
She never fails to give me a good laugh. Leo's
theory the other day caused a fuss but I see his
point. A woman is yelling at a shopkeeper for
selling BB guns to her boy child who's just got
hurt. It's not his fault. But maybe a festival isn't
a nice place to run around with something like
that. Suddenly a boy and a girl rush passed me
and Abby. The boy is yelling like a kid. Behind
him I see Leo and Asher sauntering towards us
like commandos, guns on their shoulders. Nde
trails behind.
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"Man, that was whack!" yells Nde. "You got
his ass!"
"And I shot the crotch!" says Leo, all full of
himself right now. He slaps my shoulder, "You
missed the fun, tiger!"
If it wasn't for Aisha, I would've joined
them, honestly. I never leave family behind no
matter what the stupidity.
"My girl ain't here," I say, just as some
rowdy fan blows into his vuvuzela right beside
my ear. I flinch and Leo snaps a shot at the
guy's ear. He shrieks and spins. Leo points
again and the guy runs off for safety. "This city
needs a sheriff!"
"Hey," says Nde, "Are you talking about
Aisha."
I nod.
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"I saw her at Colby's just a—"
I swear I'm already hitting the gas in our
family sports-car and headed for the shelter. I
have never been this angry in such a while! I
race around Sandton until I pull over at the
shelter. I don't even turn off my car. I barge in
again, carelessly banging doors until I find her
in a room with her favorite monkey on the back
counter.
"Aisha!"
She spins around, "I told you I'd think
about it!"
"And you chose not to come. You could at
least let me know!"
"I didn't have the guts. I know that sounds
weak and well... whatever, it's the truth."
"Okay, I'm mad. Very mad!"
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"Don't walk in here if you're mad."
"Why are you making this hard for me?"
"I think you should leave," she reaches for
my arm but I step back.
"I'm not leaving," my chest is heaving at
her with anger I'm really not enjoying. She
senses how mad I am and reconsiders her
words for a moment. But she's still stubborn.
"Alex, we—"
"Let's talk now! We either make up or break
up!"
"Alex, that's off our chart! You know that!"
"HEY!" someone barges in. It's a guy with
black hair and he's pointing a gun at me.
"What's the commotion?"
"It's nothing, Colby," says Aisha. Colby is
teenage. The old manager's son.
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"He jealous you're here with me all those
days?"
"COLBY!" Aisha's eyes flash with a rage I've
never seen before. Even Sam gets off her and
skips across the floor.
"Okay," he places the Silver Dragon on the
table in front of us, "In case you need this,
sweetheart."
"Just go!" Once he's gone she turns back
to me, "It's not true."
"Actually, I was more jealous of Sam that
Colby."
Her reaction could blow me like a
hurricane, "WHAT! You're jealous of a
monkey!"
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"He gets to spend quality time with you!
Time I don't get anymore because you've
replaced me for that damned creature!"
"It's just a monkey!"
"Looks like he's fine competition!"
She's taken aback. She can't believe it.
"Sam?"
"He's stealing you from me. A monkey!" I
shoot my hand to point to the table where I last
saw him. Aisha turns but then freezes. When I
look, Sam has his fingers around the Silver
Dragon's trigger and is glaring at me.
"Sam, give that back," Aisha pleads, letting
out her hand. He moves back and points the
gun at my face. I step in front of Aisha and
stare at Sam, hoping to intimidate some fear.
!
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Aisha nudges me hard, "Don't give him eye
contact! Staring into a monkey is a threat! It'll
kill you if that shit's loaded!"
Oh shit! He lifts the gun to my forehead. By
instinct I duck before the click and Sam shoots
at the window. It shatters behind, pieces land
on the flowerpots. I poke my head up and he's
still there, grinning at me and I duck again just
in time to evade a second shot. The monkey
squeals and over my head it flies out the
window.
"Oh shit! He's gonna hurt somebody!"
Aisha yells. I jump out the broken window and
hurry across the lawn but I don't see him.
Aisha's dialing the police. Colby comes back
and is now with her as well, being briefed on
what just happened. I check around but still
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don't see Sam anywhere. Aisha jumps out the
window too and runs for me. "You don't want
to look for a monkey with a gun! Let's get the
hell out of here!"
"Finally you realized that," the moment I
say it I wish I hadn't. But I needed to let her
know how much it bothers me. We get in the
sports-car and I drive us away. "The festival," I
tell her, "You'll relax there."
"Okay," she says. "I'm sorry about
everything."
My chest heaves when I sigh. I feel relief,
"I'm sorry too."
It feels as calm as a good sea on a good
day and Aisha and I finally share a smile after
quite a long while. She'll still have to tell me
what's been weighing on her, but I can wait.
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She leans to kiss my cheek and I almost crash.
We laugh like the crazy teens we are and
completely oblivious to the fact Sam is hiding
in the back of the car, gun in hand and he's
grinning to mean he's mad.
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17
WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER STEAL COTTON
CANDY "Do you think Alex will be back?" Leo tells
Asher.
He shrugs, "Hopefully." The crowd is
dancing to some Jamaican rap song. Kellerney
club is full of life.
"I think he'll be back," says Abby and then
she walks to mom, "Can I get more of this
junk?"
Mom smiles and gets her some more
cotton candy. Leo turns and sees Lisa dancing
with some new guy in the crowd. Balloons in all
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sorts of colors are up all over the grounds, a
couple of them are floating their way to
heaven.
Nde, standing beside, gets bored, "Hey,
why don't we go have some more fun? Maybe
chicks."
"Later," says Leo, "I still wanna shoot some
lovebirds."
Asher grins and points at a couple kissing in
the forest that fringes the festival. "Right
there!"
Lisa's dancing with her new friend Paul
when she sees Leo, Asher and Nde head for
the woods with BB guns over their shoulders.
When the three of them hook up, she knows
it's nothing but trouble.
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"Sorry, could you excuse me for a sec," she
tells Paul. He stops dancing, and watches as
she extracts her phone to message the boys.
They just arrive at the trees when Leo's
iPhone vibrates in his pockets. He sees her
message:
u guys rnt up 2 smth r u?
jus having fun here, what's the big deal?
pls stay outta trouble, k
After that Leo tucks his phone back in his
pocket and Lisa returns to Paul. "Sorry about
that."
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He smiles back, "It's no prob. Family,
right?"
"Just looking after my brothers." Right then
a message plops into her iPhone again.
"Whoops..."
"It's all right. Everybody has a phone," says
Paul while Lisa checks for the message, feeling
like it's a crime. "You haven't been on a date or
anything in a long while, have you?"
"Well... yeah, I guess. Let's just say I don't
wanna mess up again. I messed up a lot once
and trust me, you don't want to hear it."
"I'd like to hear it."
Lisa smiles to my message on Monkey
Chat:
Aisha and I just made up, we're coming!
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Thank God! We were getting worried here.
Good 4 u!
"You don't want to hear it," she returns her
gaze to Paul, "You don't know me."
He takes her hand, "Isn't that the whole
point? Getting to know who you are?"
Leo has his back to a tree and so does
Asher, a few paces away. Nde is recording the
video from a bush. The couple stand next to a
tree, completely in love without a clue of what's
about to happen. The guy kisses her, stroking
her hair and arms.
Leo nods to Asher, "Let's see if I can get a
bullseye." !
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"You ready?" says Asher. Leo nods and
begins the countdown. On the count of three
they jump out and start shooting madly at the
couple.
The couple scream and immediately run for
the grounds. Leo snaps a few more shots,
sending plastics bullets into the man's rear.
Each one makes him jump and yell. Asher
laughs so hard he needs support from a tree.
"Man! That was fun!" "Even better than the last one," says Nde.
"C'mon guys, I see more lovebirds over there."
He points west, deeper into the forest. Before
Leo can make out the couple in the distance his
phone rings.
"It's Lisa," he tells the rest.
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"Give it to me," Asher takes the phone and
answers the call. "Leo!" Lisa interjects.
"It's Asher and why the tone?"
"What do you mean why the tone?" Lisa's
voice is sharp and edgy as a knife, "I just saw a
man and a woman run out the woods from
where you came from."
"So?"
"They were clutching their behinds like they
were sitting on a cactus!"
Asher laughs, "It'll wear off Lisa, it's only
toys."
"You guys better stop before you get the
family into trouble."
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"Lisa, if there's one thing our family has
never been able to avoid, it's trouble. Always
there, sis, we live, sleep and drink with it." "You should stop!"
"We will eventually."
"Ugh! You boys are so stubborn. Have it
your way," she hangs up.
Asher hands back the phone and Leo turns
it off as they march west, deeper into the
woods. They take careful steps, mindful of
twigs that might snap at the slightest touch. "Behind here," Nde whispers. Leo and
Asher follow with their guns pointed down. The
lovebirds stand behind a tree but they're not
making out. Just talking. They're too quiet to
be heard. !
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"On three," says Asher, "One, two...
Three!"
And right then they jump out of their
hiding, scream and open fire!
"YEAAAAH!" Leo is barraging bullets at
them the way you would do if they were aliens.
"What the fuck man!" shouts the man. He's
holding a small bag which now bleeds with
white powder from the bullet holes. Asher
suddenly tells Leo to stop.
"What's wrong?" says Leo.
"Those aren't lovebirds, those are guys!"
Leo takes a better look, "Oh shit!"
"Shit is what you will become when I get
my hands on you," the man approaches him.
His partner gets up and rubs his knuckles. !
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"You okay, Rob?" he asks the guy behind
him.
"Just fine," he replies and staggers
forward, this time facing Leo, Asher and Nde.
"Let's get acquainted. I'm Rob, he's Riley and
you three assholes are dead!" Riley pulls out a monkey-wrench from his
coat and Rob swings a steel chain like a ninja.
Leo tries for some sweet talk. He
approaches them, hands wide open like a
politician, "Guys we mistook you for the
bastards who raped our sisters. You looked so
much like them!" Asher's face flinches! He just can't believe
what Leo said.
"We are truthfully, heartily, sincerely,
honestly, candidly, frankly, very, very, VERY
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!
uncanningly and unbelievably sorry. I hope we
can talk this one out."
"You're dead man!" Rob sneers, waving a
razor blade in Leo's face.
"Any ideas?" Nde whispers to Asher.
"Yeah, run!" They spin and break into a
sprint with the two guys on their tail.
Asher pants, "They're drug dealers!" "Fight like men, you cowards!" they shout
at them. It only makes them run faster.
They dash out the woods and mix into the
crowd. The concert hasn't yet started so
people are still dancing in the grounds to
Jamaican rap. They run past the blaring tower
of speakers and leap over a child in her stroller.
When the drug dealers arrive, they simply
knock the stroller up side down and chase after
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Leo and Asher. The mother screams when she
sees her baby up-side-down and crying, still
strapped to her little seat. Leo and Asher keep rushing through and
almost run into Abby.
"Abby, get out the way!" Asher screams.
"What?" she turns around, without a clue of
what's going on.
"Get away!" Leo repeats. She sidesteps
and they run past her. Abby can feel the wind
blow her hair when they sprint. Rob stops Riley on their tracks, "You saw
that?"
Riley skids to stop by his partner, "Saw
what?"
"They know the girl!" !
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!
A grin tears across Rob's face. In a moment
Riley has it all figured out too. "Abby, eh?" and
he smiles back, "So what's the plan?" *
They stop running.
"Looks like we lost track of them," Leo
pants, dropping his gun to the ground. Asher
sits down behind one of the speakers on the
other side of the club.
"Boy, was that crazy! Where's Nde?"
"Must be hiding somewhere else. Let's go
get some drinks and then we can go grab
some girls."
They get up and head for a lemonade
booth close to the woods. It's just a few feet
away from the party and the balloons.
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"Largest cup you got and fill it to the top,"
Asher slams one rand of paper-cash on the fat
seller's table. They share a weird eye contact
before he gets his cup. "All cups are the same size," says the seller.
"Whatever. One for my brother,"
Asher gestures to Leo. The seller fills a second plastic cup and by
mistake, pours in a little too much that it
splashes on the table. "Easy bro, don't spill it," says Leo. He grabs
his juice and quenches his thirst. They have a
couple more fills.
Lisa's phone rings in the middle of a chat.
She's still with Paul taking some pictures with a
mascot when it happens. "Not again!"
!
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!
"For the thousandth time it's okay,"
he assures her. "It's always my phone," Lisa checks and
sees an unknown number on the screen.
"Weird."
"Hello?" she speaks.
A hoarse voice answers, "Are you Lisa?"
The voice sounds stern as coffee. "Yes."
"We have Abby here." "What?"
"You deaf? We got your sister, bitch!" "Wha-why? I don't get it. How?" She doesn't hear him anymore, except for
the sound of tape being torn off. Right then
Lisa's heart skips a beat. She hears Abby! !
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"Lisa, I don't know what's going on!" Abby
cries.
"Are you okay?"
"Kinda," Abby manages.
"Where are you?"
"I don't know."
"Who took you?"
"Two assholes. I was at the party when they
came. They told me they wanted me to try their
salmon recipe. I'm so stupid! They tricked me
so easily!" "Abby, what do they want?" The phone is snatched away and the
sinister voice comes back, "You believe us
now?" "What did you do to my sister?" Lisa is on
the edge of herself, panicking like crazy. !
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"Nothing yet, but she'll be spazzing like a
dying chicken if your brothers don't show up
here."
"You talking about Leo?"
"And Asher," he snarls, "You see the red
and yellow tent?" Lisa looks around. She peers above the
party and way back, behind a duck mascot is
the red and yellow stripped tent.
Her voice quivers back to her iPhone,
"Yeah, I see it." "Good, bitch, though you do sound very
sexy. Tell your brothers to come in without their
stupid BB guns within one hour. If they don't
show up, your sister will never be the same
again!" !
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He hangs up and turns off his phone. Paul
gazes at Lisa. She's breathing hard and her
mind has just exploded into popcorn.
"Are... are you okay?" he asks. Lisa shakes her head, her eyes now filled
with water. Tears. She clears her throat, "I'm
fine."
*
Aisha is pointing at a hot-air balloon
floating a few miles away, "Is that them?"
We were told Stew Marley and his band
would arrive in a hot-air balloon. I guess Abby
was wrong when she said the band had already
arrived. "Must be," I tell her. It's good to have her
back.
*
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Leo and Asher are still burping at the booth
from lemonade when Lisa walks up to them in
her yellow dress. She's got her hands on her
hips and a very crossed look.
Leo raises his cup of juice and says hi to
Lisa.
"What's up?" says Asher.
"Oh, you wanna know what's up?" Asher
and Leo exchange looks. "Abby's kidnapped!
That's what's up! Thanks to your childish
pranks."
"What!" Leo cringes at the thought of it.
"Abby? Kidnapped?"
Lisa tells them about the phone call, "They
want dumb and dumber in exchange for
Abby."
!
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Leo slams his lemonade on the table and it
spills on the seller's table.
"Easy, bro!" says the seller, "Don't spill it."
Leo flames up and turns to the seller,
pointing at his fat face, "Back off, you—"
Asher pulls him away before he says it but
the seller fumes up too.
"Hey! You think you're so tough, huh?"
Lisa grabs Leo before he turns around
again, "C'mon, we don't need more trouble. I
can see you're mad."
Leo walks away and slumps his butt to the
ground, burying his face in his palms, "This is
my fault! And I thought I was just having some
fun. Letting lose." !
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Asher takes off his sunglasses. He only does
it when things get really bad. Most of the time
they're always on him.
"I guess we just have to get in that tent,"
says Asher.
"No we won't," says Lisa, "Bull will."
They look at her like she's lost her mind.
Lisa clarifies, "I've got a plan. It's whack but it
could work without getting any of you guys
hurt."
"Tell us," says Leo.
"I need vinegar, baking soda, bottles, an
iPhone, a hot-air balloon and I need Bull to
help us spy," Lisa gazes at Bull. He's at his
booth with Olivia and some workers promoting
his new Galaxy Milky-way. A humble amount of
customers are gathering around it. !
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"That is whack," says Leo.
Asher recalls the fact they only have one
hour. Lisa nods, "Yes, only an hour. Or else
she's a zombie."
* "Yeah! That's right! Drop by at Bull's Park
for some more Galaxy. Milky-way's the way to
go!" Bull shouts into his mic. A mother and her
child have just received some free milk and the
smiles on their faces is a yes for him. People
are liking it. Bull turns to Olivia. He has an arm
around her and a cold-box rests beside them in
case she wants anything to drink. "You know, I may not be rich enough to
sponsor this but the rules are breaking in this
world. You can do anything!"
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"I just want to get a picture with Stew
Marley!" Olivia has been swooning over him for
the past week. Stew is all that seems to matter
to her right now.
"Yeah, yeah, we will. He might even help
sponsor me if he's kind enough."
"Ugh! Business. Is that all you care about?"
"Hey, I care about you." Another customer
comes by. This time a boy and his girlfriend.
They get free milk.
"Don't forget to come get more at Bull's
Park, okay?" Bull grins. "I don't know about
you, Olivia. But business is business and today
it's so good it might be a Sunday." He sees more customers approaching. No,
it's Lisa and her brothers. He puts on the
customer care smile again. "Hey, Lisa! Hi, Leo
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and hello, Asher! Listen, I don't want to be rude
but you guys already had your share of free
Milky-way. You have to pay if you want some
more."
"That's all right, Bull, we came for
something else. We need your help," says Lisa.
"Big help," says Asher.
He squints at them, "What is it?" "If you help us we'll promote your Galaxy
thing on Avocado to boost your business," says
Leo. Bull smirks, "It's a nice offer but you don't
need to do that. I like you kids. You guys are
crazy. Just tell me how I may help you out." Leo clears his throat, "Abby's kidnapped."
*
!
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Inside the red and yellow stripped tent Rob
takes a glance at his watch. "Over half an
hour and your brothers aren't here!" He rips
the duck-tape off Abby's mouth. She's
strapped to a chair and can't move a muscle.
When the tape is torn off she inhales deeply. "My brothers will come for me," Abby says,
"And they'll beat the crap out of you!" Riley and Rob laugh. "You've got to be
kidding," says Riley, "They ran away from us
when they could've put up a fight." "And when my mom and dad hear this you
assholes will be so screwed you wish you'd
never messed with me! And when Alex hears
this and finds you jackasses—"
"Bla bla bla bla bla! Where are they now?"
Rob mocks. !
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"We may be a-holes but your brothers are
cowards. And if they don't come in an hour you
know what's gonna happen!"
"They're thinking of a plan. You don't know
my sister!"
"You mean sexy voice?" Riley chuckles.
"Tell me about her, I wanna know." "To start with, she's completely out of your
league!"
"Don't think so!" says Riley. "Who's Alex?" says Rob. "My third bro and trust me, when he's mad
you do not want to get on his nerves. When he
knows you bastards are here he's gonna mow
you down with his sports-car!" Rob mocks her again, "I'm so scared! Does
Alex bite?"
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This time Abby laughs, "You know I feel
sorry for you suckers! You are messing with the
wrong family here. You guys are in for it."
Rob gets pissed and tells Riley to put the
tape back on her mouth. Riley refuses, he likes
her sense of humor.
"Actually," says Riley, "You guys messed
with the wrong gangsters." "Gangsters my ass! You suckers are mad
because they shot plastic bullets at you?"
"You think it doesn't sting? You want an
example?" "Screw off! Why don't you finger-pop those
bullets out your asses." "Girl, you're a dirty mouth!" "And you're a dirty dick!"
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This time Riley does grab the tape and
silences her. "Little bitch!" he snarls in her face.
Suddenly they hear footsteps around the
tent. Rob goes for the entrance while Riley
covers Abby in a blanket. "Get your Milky-way! Get your Milky-way!"
Bull walks in with a crate of Milky-way bottles.
He's wearing his Bull hat but with a hole in the
middle. Earphones stick out from under his hat
and are plugged into his ears as if he
is listening to a radio hidden inside his hat. "Woah, woah, brother!" Rob stops him
before he gets too far, "You don't just barge
into our territory like that! What d'you want?" "I'm just promoting my new drink. Galaxy
Milky-way is free today." !
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At the sound of Bull's voice the blanket
shakes. Riley moves over to keep it still. Abby
knows it's Bull and she's trying her best to
break free or show some sign to him. She
struggles to turn herself over the chair and
drop down but Riley is right beside,
gripping tight. Way up, Lisa, Leo and Asher are in a stolen
hot-air balloon. Leo and Asher are loaded with
vinegar bombs they made earlier. Now they
have a hidden camera inside the tent: Bull. The
hole in his hat is for the phone's camera that's
hiding inside it. Lisa can see everything in the
tent from up the balloon right now. "This is so clever!" says Leo. "A video-call
for us to spy on those bastards." !
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"That must be Abby!" Lisa points to a mass
under a shaking blanket. She speaks to her
phone, "Bull, can you get a close up at what's
under the blanket?" Her words sound through the earphones as
Rob circles him for anything suspicious.
"You smell clean," says Rob. "But we're not
interested in your milk!" "Maybe your fella would like some," Bull
steps forward, showing Riley the crate. He
hopes he's moved close enough for them to
get a clear picture of the shaking blanket. "It's her!" Asher interjects. "Thats where
they're hiding Abby!" "I told you not to take any more steps!"
Rob bellows.
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"You didn't tell me that," says Bull. Abby
shakes harder under the blanket that's it's
about to fall off but Riley puts it back on. "I don't need any of that. You should
leave."
"Okay. But what creature are you hiding
under that blanket?" Riley stares a Bull. He squints and makes up
a lie, "A machine. I can't tell you. It's a project
of ours. Now go!"
"Leave!" Rob bellows.
"Ok," Bull turns and heels out but before
he can leave Rob grabs him back. "What's with the weird earphones? Why are
they hanging out of your stupid double-horned
hat?" "I'm listening to a song."
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"Bull, get out of there!" Lisa tells him. He
hears her but he can't. "Let me hear," before he can say no Rob
has already snatched the left earphone to
listen. Bull's heart skips a beat. They're
going to be caught! But to his relief, he hears
Lisa singing a christmas carol through his right
earphone. Rob doesn't notice Lisa's voice
luckily because it was Riley who spoke to her
and singing is quite different from talking
anyway. "It's my daughter," says Bull, "She died last
summer. Her voice keeps me going." Rob smirks, "She's got a nice voice. Sorry
to hear that. Now get out." When Bull gets his
earphone back he heels out as quick as he can.
!
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"Thank you, Bull!" says Leo. Bull replies, "Man, that was crazy. Lisa, you
did a cool job covering me back there." "You too. Roger that."
"Over and out—oh, whatever it is they say.
I'm out!" Up in the balloon Lisa hangs up,
ending the video call that gave them every
detail inside the tent.
"So Abby's in the left," says Leo.
Asher picks up two sand bags, "So we
bomb right!"
They sand bags are filled with bottles of
vinegar bombs. They poured vinegar in each
bottle, wrapped some baking powder and
squeezed them inside. !
929
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"With a little shake on these, those guys
won't know what hit 'em," says Lisa. They hover
to the right spot. "You guys ready?" "On three," says Leo, already shaking a
sand-bag for the reaction. Asher does the
countdown and they let go of the sandbags. "Forty-five minutes! Where're your
brothers?" says Riley. He's removed the tape
off her mouth again.
Rob pulls out a dagger and traces Abby's
cute face from her neck to her lips. "They
better come if they love you."
"My family will help. No one in our family
gets left behind. We always help each other.
We always win because we're family." "In fifteen minutes, be ready to—" the tent
suddenly caves in and something heavy lands
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to the right. It explodes, sending sand in all
directions! Riley yells. Daylights bursts through the
holes and more sand bombs come down and
blind them. The grass turns black from the
explosions. The sand fills the air fast. Then
plastic bullets barrage through from Leo and
Asher's BB guns. Abby can hear her brothers
screaming in attack! "Those are my brothers!" Abby declares.
"This is my family!"
Aisha and I finally arrive at the festival
grounds. The band is already playing. I park my
ride in the grassy lot. "I don't like reggae that much," Aisha tells
me.
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"Me neither," I say. We chuckle. "But it should be just fine. I'll go anywhere
with you." "You think they'll catch Sam?" I ask.
"He couldn't have gone far. He should be
caught by now," says Aisha. I lie my arm
around her shoulders and she leans in. My
hand travels down her hair and she feels my
face. Her hands grabbing me and
the lingering kisses melt me like a popsicle. "You taste awesome," I whisper. She
breathes a small laugh and quickly comes back
for more. I kiss her back hard and she presses
her face into mine. I want her more. Her hand
pulls my collar like we can never be close
enough. She feels my teeth go up her lower lip
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and returns the bite to me. Suddenly I hear an
unusual click. I stop.
"Was that your seatbelt?"
"No, it's already unbuckled," she says.
"What's wrong?" I look back and my heart skips a beat.
"AISHA, GET OUT!" We pull back in the nick of time as a bullet
shoots through the windshield, shattering a
wide hole. I hear Aisha yelling as I get out from
the other side. I get to her before a second
shot completely blows the windshield apart
and out hops a monkey with a gun, grinning at
me as he plays with his new toy. "RUN!" We bolt away and race inside
Kellerney club where the festival is going on.
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We hear a couple more gunshots as we get to
the crowd. "Aisha, we have to evacuate these people!"
"I know," she grabs my hand, "Come with
me."
"I can't believe this happened."
"I can't believe we almost died kissing."
She was right. Sam clearly does not like
kissing. "AAAARGH!" Rob and Riley yell, their
voices muffled by the explosions. The balloon
floats down as Leo and Asher keep tossing
bombs that explode with the sand. The
two gangsters are covered in it they can barely
see. All Rob can vision is a blur of enormous
red, blue and yellow stripes.
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"Untie her!" Asher tells Leo. He's still
shooting at the kidnappers and the bullets
spurt the sand.
"There's no time," Lisa shouts, "Just get
her on the balloon and go!" Asher jumps out instead and gets to Abby,
kicking Rob in the guts on the way. He tears off
the tape and she gasps.
"It's okay, I got you." He lifts her off the
ground and Leo grabs her by the chair. When
Riley can finally get on two Asher is halfway in
the balloon. Leo brings in the sandbags so they
can take off but Riley grabs hold of Asher.
It's useless to kick with one foot in so Asher
tries a punch and Riley ducks. Before he can
bite, Leo aims the BB gun at him and pulls the
trigger. But Riley isn't letting go. !
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"Dammit!" Leo snaps, "This guy's a
warrior!"
"Aim for the eyes!" Abby yells.
When he hears that, Riley quickly grasps
hold of the gun's barrel and with his weight he
drops down with it, leaving Leo disarmed.
Asher gets his other foot inside and they start
to float away but lying there, Riley aims up and
puts three in the balloon. Lisa ducks as a fourth,
seventh and twenty-second hole appear. And they go down. The crowd is concerned about some chaos
happening behind but the show must go on
and Stew Marley and his band keep playing for
the fans. I don't know what the fuss back there
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is about, maybe a kid is playing Brothers in
Arms using all the loudest speakers he can find.
Aisha and I are finally at the front after a
long hustle. "You still wanna do this?"
"Yeah, I think it'll be fun!"
"Times a' wasting."
"I know."
She takes a deep breath and leaps onstage.
The crowd roars with a sudden and
unnecessary fury. I watch Stew's eyes that
appear just under his blue cap turn to her as
she heels up to him. He stops singing, the
band stops playing and there's an eerie silence.
"Excuse me, it's an emergency!"
"What?" with his brows raised Stew cringes
like she's some insane teenager. A security is
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contemplating whether he should get onstage
and stop her.
Aisha decides to push him away and takes
the mic, "EXCUSE ME GUYS BUT THIS IS
SERIOUS! YOU ALL HAVE TO LEAVE RIGHT
NOW! THERE'S A MONKEY WITH A GUN
AROUND HERE!" The crowd roars again and a man speaks up
to make fun, "Is it loaded?"
Another voice says, "You sure it's not your
little brother?"
Kellerney explodes with laughter but when
two real gunshots sound and a couple of leaves
burst from a tree, they start to consider what
she's said. "YOU HEAR THAT?"
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A third shot, and Stew's blue cap is flying
off into the sky, revealing a hairless scalp! Okay, I think, holding back the urge to
laugh. Stew Marley's dreadlocks are fake, a
monkey almost committed murder and the
crowd has turned into a stampede! Aisha gets
down as everybody runs for their lives. She's
done it!
"We got you now!" Rob is up, wiping the
sand off. Asher, Leo, Lisa and Abby now stand
inside their useless balloon with nothing but a
BB gun. Riley aims at Lisa with his gun,
wondering is he should start with her.. "You three are dead! Should I go for sexy
over here, or the tall freak or—"
"Shut up!" Abby snaps. !
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Riley's eyes squint with rage. He's about to
take the shot when he hears what sounds like a
thousand elephants. They all turn and the
gangsters don't believe it as the entire crowd is
running their way. "Duck!" says Asher. Before Riley can take a
shot he's run over by the fans while Lisa and
the rest take cover in the balloon.
"Man, that's gotta sting in the morning,"
Abby jokes, cringing at the sound of them
being crushed beneath a thousand feet. She
receives three tight hugs. "I'm okay. No
scratches. They took care of me." *
Six police cruisers, four ambulances and a
fire truck arrive at Kellerney club. But it looks
like Mr. Peter, our English teacher is unaware of
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it all as he stands alone, helping himself on
some free cotton candy. It's like he hasn't
noticed that everyone else has run off. I'm
taking cover behind a bush beside an OJ
booth with Aisha and a cop with a firearm. "Peter, get away from there!" I yell to
him. He jumps and spins to the sound. It seems
I startled him. "I swear I wasn't stealing," he says and
backs away. His mouth is full of cotton candy. Aisha screams, "Hide! There's a monkey
with a gun!"
The cop nudges her, "That's my job." A few
other police surround the perimeter and some
experts from the zoo are on their way. "Get
down and crawl!" !
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"Okay," Peter quivers. When he bends
down a shot screeches through and blood
spurts out his right shoulder.
"NO!"
"PETER!"
He's on the ground, clutching around his
wound in agony. We have to get that damn
monkey.
"Man, you too?" Peter hears. He turns his
head and sees Stew on the ground nearby and
wounded as well. I can see he's been shot in
the leg. Ouch. Sam's done quite enough
damage. Aisha nudges me and tells me to look
around. I smile when I see my family trudging
over. The cop yells for them to take cover. "Why?" says Lisa. They also look confused
that people ran away.
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Aisha shouts out, "A monkey's got a gun.
Don't ask just get behind something!" "You serious?" says Abby.
"Damn serious!"
Another man heels up to my family. He's
carrying a bag. "I think you guys could use
some help." He drops the bag and pulls out BB
guns.
"Woah!" Leo grabs a gun. So does Lisa and
Asher. My sister flips it around like she's never
played with a water-gun before. "Guys, catch!" Asher throws two guns for
me and Aisha. In midair one of them gets shot
into fractions! "Damn, that monkey can aim!"
He tosses a third for me.
Aisha is grinning at her new weapon, "This
is so cool!" !
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The man and my family get down behind a
bush. The sound of Sam chattering around hits
our ears. He's close.
"Listen, guys," says Leo, "When you see
that thing there're only three things to do:
scream, aim and fire!" The cop objects, "We've got it from here. I
advise you kids to get somewhere safe."
I know it's dangerous but I'm not moving.
This is still my fault one way or another. And
there's no way I can make my family leave me
alone.
"I'll keep you safe," I tell Aisha.
She smiles back, "Same here." There's a rustle in the trees and we instantly
shoot. We hear it move down and cross the
lawn behind the bushes. I even see it leap over
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an overturned stroller with a baby still inside
and we follow with our gunfire. We keep
barraging bullets at it all the way, blowing up
the grass until it hides behind Bull's milk booth.
Leo keeps firing and the bottles topple and
drop, hardly breaking though. "There it is!" Asher points out but all that
comes out of our BB guns are clicks. "Dammit!
We're out of ammo!" "Good news for Sam," I say. Suddenly, it
pops out a bush and skids across the lawn
close to Mr. Peter. The cops don't shoot for fear
of hurting Peter and Stew. They've been told to
hold fire and Sam just sits there like he's
waiting for a date. An idea clicks in my head. I
tell the cop to back me up as I crawl around the
bushes till I get behind Sam. I'm just a few
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steps away and Aisha has a hand on her heart,
fearing what's going to happen. They have no
idea of what I'm going to do. I message Lisa:
toss it some food and I'll try 2 surprise it
K, jus b careful we only have 1 Alex.
I wait in silence. Sam doesn't move and Lisa
throws a banana to it. That's when it drops the
gun and goes for the bait. It's working! I take
my chance and leap out of the bush with my
hands forward to grab the gun and I'm just
inches away when Sam spins and beats me to
it. I crash down and when I look up, he's got
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the damned thing pointed straight at my nose.
I paralyze.
A monkey is pointing a gun to me.
He knows how to use it.
Gulp!
It grins and hearts all around are racing.
Somebody shoot the damn thing! I don't know
what the cops are waiting for. Do they want to
see my brain spill out? I can't move a muscle as
the monkey's finger slides to the trigger and I
have that feeling that all this is not real. Like it's
a dream. I know it can't be possible. It feels like slow-motion: I'm eyeing Sam
and he stares back, and I'm hoping he doesn't
want to find out what happens when he pulls
the trigger on my head. All the other noises
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around seem to be muffled in this one, scariest
moment of my life and the only sound I hear as
I close my eyes to welcome death, is the click
of the trigger. Nothing happens.
I open my eyes and Sam tries again but the
Silver Dragon in his hands only manages
another click. It's out of ammo and I'm alive!
I've never felt so thrilled before!
I grab Sam by the neck and get myself up.
The gun drops and I squeeze so hard
he squeaks like a rubber duck. I'm relieved, but
incredibly infuriated at this stupid creature!
"I am going to skin you!" I snarl at it. I wish
I could rip out it's heart and hang it on a tree in
the shelter—or better, in Colby's room. Before I
can dissect it with my other hand a cop grabs
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the monkey away from me and I'm swarmed
with hugs from Lisa, Leo, Abby, Asher and
Aisha. "That's okay brave kid, we'll take care of
this fella," says the cop.
"You were almost a dead body late." I say.
Leo rubs my back, "Forget it bro, you're
alive! But it would still be cool to have seen
your brain."
Leo, always the joker.
But he's right. The cops will take it from
here. I should enjoy the kisses that I'm getting
all over my body right now. The doctors come
for Stew Marley and Peter. I'm upset they go
for the celebrity first while Peter is much closer.
Another team of cops have two men in
handcuffs headed for the cruiser.
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"Who are they?" I ask.
"Weirdos who kidnapped Abby," says
Asher.
"What!" I think I just jumped from the
shock. I turn to my sister, "Abby, you were
kidnapped?"
She giggles, "Yup! It was fun!"
"You can't be serious!" I follow the two men
with my eyes and the shorter one glares when
he see my family. "They're drug dealers," Asher tells me,
"That's why they're caught."
I barely hear the last word. I'm already
trudging my way to them. The police give me a
questioning stare as I approach but I ignore
them and quickly shove my foot up the tall
one's ass. !
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"HEY!"
The second guy is lucky the police pull me
away before I plant another kick up his ass. "What the hell!" they bellow. Another cop
pulls me away but then I notice it's Asher.
"Long story, little brother."
I shout at the kidnappers who are yelling
curses at me, "I will mow your asses down with
a steam-roller!"
"C'mon, Alex," Asher manages to turn me
away, "There're better people to talk to." He
gestures towards our teacher being pulled on a
stretcher. Aisha is speaking to him. He's right. I
jog over to Mr. Peter. I'm glad he can speak
well. "Does it hurt?" says Aisha. !
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"What the hell do you think?" he's a bit
infuriated but it all dissolves into a chuckle.
"What were you really doing before you
got shot?" I ask.
"Looking for my change. The guy ran away
with my twenty rand," he turns his gaze back to
Aisha. The nurses are in a hurry to get him to
the hospital so this could mean goodbye,
"That was a really touching story."
"Thanks," Aisha mouths, "But I wish I didn't
have to write it."
"Writing is liberating. I just want you kids to
know that."
"Okay, time to go!" the nurses get Peter
inside and shut the ambulance's back doors. I
sigh. Poor Peter. But thank God he's okay.
Aisha spins and hugs me again. It's so tight I
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fear I might get squeezed a foot taller. "I
thought I lost you there. That stupid cop didn't
listen when I told him to shoot Sam."
A smile curves round my face, "I don't
know why but you saying that makes me really
happy." She chuckles, still embracing me, "Sam is
just a pet. I can't compare you with that. And
you're irreplaceable. And maybe it's time I told
you the truth."
"Your story?"
"Yeah, you don't know me the way you
should. I should've told you this way back.
Forgive me but I... whenever I think about it, I
just cry by myself. I'm not the girl who looks for
attention or comfort. I'm a dog. I'll crawl under
someplace dark and break into pieces when no
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one is looking. And when I'm done, I'll come
out and no one will have to know."
I'm staring into her hazels. Her eyes are still
like stars but seem like they're about to break.
"What happened?"
Her hands cup her face and then her hazels
are filled with water, "Do you know what it's
like to watch your dad get sentenced to
prison? For sixty-six years? Do you know what
it's like to be the only family he has? My mom
and uncle came on the first court hearing but
never showed up for him again. I had to sit
there myself all the time. Alone on those
benches. There was no one with me, not left
nor right but his lawyer. Do you know what it's
like to see your dad choke your friend to
death?"
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Her words choke me. I can't believe she's
carried this much pain all this time. It makes me
feel like I've never had troubles in my life. She
tells me David was into drugs and when her
dad found out, he never wanted her to be
around him. But David still dropped by at her
place. On one occasion he accidentally left a
parcel on the counter. When her dad came
home to fix a sandwich he saw it. She told him
it belonged to David. He had a look inside and
it was full of heroin. Then he rushed out and
sped all the way to David's place. "And I knew he was going there," Aisha
sobs, "So I followed in my boyfriend's car. His
name was Ivan. He was cool but he always
asked me for sex and I just wasn't ready for that
with him at that time. He'd get mad whenever I
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said no but that's how some guys are I guess.
So we got to David's place in time to find him
and my dad arguing. His mom was in the
doorway and they were outside. Then David
punched my dad and he got mad and took him
down. When I got out the car with Ivan there
was nothing we could do. He was choking him
to death and I begged him to stop but it was
too late. David was dead."
I wipe her tears but they just keep coming.
And I keep wiping. She never saw Ivan again
after that and she didn't find any more texts of
him wanting to sleep with her. Her mom
stopped loving her dad when she was thirteen.
They had their own problems and since then
uncle was always siding with her mom.
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"It was difficult. I was praying but I don't
know. Justice is justice, right? Even if the hand
is against you. It was horrible. Hearing the
sentence and having to stare into my dad's
eyes. And being forced to testify against my
dad... I just couldn't do that, not in court nor in
private. I'd break down! I was wrecked! That
moment wrecked me! They were taking him
away and I ran up to him, crying. Daddy's little
girl, you know? And he looked back at me with
sadness. He believed he failed me. But you
know what? He didn't. He'll always be the best
dad in the world.
"We did lots together. We went out, played
football together, play station, movies, rock
concerts and a lot of crazy stuff. He's cool. Not
the prude and boring kind of dad. He's like my
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best friend. He is my best friend, except when
he was arguing with mom. And mom is so
complicated and boring and unfair and... I just
don't like her that much. My dad is great. It was
so hard that moment. And you know the worst
part? My uncle threw a party in his home and
mom was there. I just sat alone in a park on a
swing that afternoon crying to myself like I
usually did. I was so broken."
Their mom wanted a new life so they
moved from Marshalltown to Sandton. Aisha
was seeing therapists after she was traumatized
but nothing really helped her from turning from
a fireball to a gloomy, boring, misunderstood,
heartbroken, weird and lonely teenage girl. "My mom tried but she didn't know what I
needed. She didn't understand what couldn't
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be replaced. I still visited my dad but it was
hard getting used to seeing him behind bars in
jail. And mom didn't like me seeing him either.
I couldn't school properly and I became a
bean-head in maths. I had to go to summer
school to be accepted at St. Godwin."
Her eyes suddenly light up and I receive a
gentle punch to the stomach, "And that's
where I met you. You kept staring at me like
there was something interesting with this
boring, gloomy, grim girl who always wore a
scowl. You and your liquid gold eyes and the
stare just... I don't know, you mesmerized me. I
forget to move when you stare at me, it's like
I'm under a spell and if you don't believe me
ask some other girls you stared at for no reason
and they'll tell you it's crazy!"
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"You never said that about me."
"You might keep staring at me on purpose
if I did. But you were friendly and honest about
your feelings and funny when you argue with
people, especially the teachers. And you were
okay with hanging out with me when I asked
and when you showed me your family my heart
burst inside me. You have a beautiful family!
"I envied you at first but you let your family
become my family and that's the best gift
you've given me. They say God makes up for
our families through our friends. He has for
me."
"And when's the part you fall in love with
me?" she's smiling now and I've got my arms
round her waist. With hers around my
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shoulders she bobs her head left, biting her lip
with a grin.
"You were giving me of those annoying
stares that paralyze me and I went to the Ladies
to wash up. I wet my face and when I looked
into the mirror I thought my hazel eyes had
turned into your liquid gold—"
"By the way, my eyes are not liquid gold."
"They are to me and I keep saying that to
everyone. Anyway, when that happened, I
became delirious, someone beside said your
name but she meant someone else but still, my
heart fluttered in a way I never felt before. And
when I saw you by the lockers I felt it again and
you turned to smile to me and I smiled back to
you and it was the best feeling I had. Then we
went to Rhino's with your family and even
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though you didn't notice I couldn't keep my
eyes off you. I thank God you walked into my
life. You and you're supercool family helped me
to live again. So yeah... thank you."
I'm kissing her and she's kissing back like
we're trying to say stuff that we can't mouth
into words. So we kiss them hoping the other
understands. When we're done she's laughing.
"That was great," she says.
"Thanks for telling me."
We kiss again. I love watching her close her
eyes. I want to look after her and hold her like
this and I'm not being sappy I'm just a guy who
cares. "Are they done yet?" It's Abby and I miss
the sound of her voice. I spin to hug her again.
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Aisha gets jealous, "Alex, we weren't
done!"
We laugh and I ask about the kidnapping.
Lisa tells me I don't want to hear it, Abby thinks
it was fun and Leo and Asher keep begging me
not to get mad. They tell me what's happened
and I think it's the craziest thing. I guess we've
all had a crazy time with a monkey running with
a gun and Abby getting kidnapped, stealing
Stew Marley's balloon and man, if we keep up
like this we might even fly to mars. But it's time
to wrap this up: Unfortunately there's isn't an
animal prison so Sam isn't going to jail but he'll
be transferred which is good enough, Stew and
Peter recover well, Lisa makes a new sincere
friend and we're having great time in our
backyard. Aisha and I are doing a song on our
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banjos. We're wearing cowboy hats and boy,
my girl can sing. Leo and Abby are all over the
lemonade that our mom makes so well and dad
is already asleep on his chair.
Now Abby and Leo are fighting over
lemonade. It just doesn't get any better, does
it?
Family.
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18
MY MOM'S A SUPERMODEL
PART 1
I wonder if a day at the mall could ever be
so embarrassing! It's like this: My entire family
and I decided a Saturday visit to the Sandton
mall would be great, besides, we love to stick
together. I tag behind my mom with Abby as
we make our way to Woolworth.
"I'm telling you, the principal's lost her
nuts!" Leo laughs, he's been mocking the
principal ever since her post on Avocado. She
somehow barged her way into Stew Marley's
hospital ward and snapped a couple of pictures
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with him. I turn my phone on and swipe
through the images with Asher. By the look of
it, Stew wasn't prepared, it looked like a hold
up and not a picture and I think he was about
to scream.
"Really dope," Asher grins, "Is she okay?"
I smile at his concern, "Don't judge, we've
done far crazier things."
"I wish I could see those crazy pictures,"
says Abby. I put my arm around her and
squeeze.
"I'll describe them for you."
"Like always. You're quite good at it."
I never thought I was. Whenever we're
watching a movie or gazing at at beautiful
scenery I'm always the one to describe it all for
her because she can't see. I'm her eyes. We've
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been doing it for a long time and we've got a
good hang of it. But some movies are harder to
describe than others.
"All right people pick what you want. It's on
moi!" Asher always says that when we shop
together and Lisa and Abby never fail to make
the most of it.
"You are not gonna have one cent left
when I'm done here!" Lisa grins and ambushes
the store. "Come to mama!"
I decide to scan around the store with mom
and Abby. Leo, Asher and dad go there own
way. My mom raises a black T and shows it to
me.
"Good, huh?"
"I don't wear plain black."
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"I want something with every color," says
Abby. Mom smiles and we continue to travel
through until I pick out a nice T stripped with at
least six colors. "This should do."
Abby gets her hands all over it and feels
the fabric. Then she bites her lip to estimate
the price based on the quality and she mostly
nails it right with 500 rand.
"Hey, Alex what do you think about this?"
my mom is holding a grey sweatshirt and I'm
biting my lip. Not that I don't like it, I would in
fact if it wasn't the wrong shade of grey. She
rarely gets my taste. I sometimes wonder if my
real mom would know exactly what I like. I've
been open about it and all I've gotten in return
is Leo's jokes. He thinks my mom could be a
stripper or a waitress who dumped me on the
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streets. Abby guessed she might've been an
actress. I don't mind who she was or might've
been, I just wonder if she accidentally dropped
me under a bridge or purposely dumped me
because she wasn't ready to have a child. But
I'd still love to see her.
"Alex?"
"Oh," I guess I lost my train of thought,
"That's okay."
Mom sighs happily, "I'm glad." She hands
me an orange T. It's a nice pick. I love orange,
it makes my eyes pop.
"What color is it?" says Abby.
"Orange." She loves to know the color of
things. She tells me it helps her picture the
world in her imagination. I tell her about the
kind of clothes and describe as much as I can
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about the store while I scan around. A pair of
cute legs are standing by a dress and I don't
fight the urge to keep staring at the girl. My
eyes are locked on her thighs for a moment too
long and suddenly my mom snaps her fingers
at me like she couldn't take it anymore. "Alex!"
"Oops," my face burns red with a sheepish
expression of pure embarrassment. I'm
practically blushing and I can't help it. Double
embarrassing!
"It's rude to stare," she tells me in a hush
tone.
"I know," I nod sheepishly.
"Especially at the breasts and the butt and
the thighs—"
"Mom!" my face is burning. She's getting
too far.
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"I saw you scan her all the way—"
Abby jumps in, "Alex was having mind sex
with another girl? Awesome! I hope she's cuter
than Aisha."
"Abby!" I snap. She chuckles and dances
singing a song that says I found someone
better than Aisha.
"I hope this means you don't truly love her.
I've had enough of that girl in our house."
"Abby, c'mon," mom intervenes. It won't
help, Abby loves to make fun of my girlfriend
and it happens the other way around too.
When you have Aisha and Abby in the same
room it's like trying to get Osama and Obama
to make peace.
"Alex, call 'em sexy feet over here. Every
girl likes you from their first impression. She
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could be the one," Abby continues. Truth is,
there's no stopping her. When we get to Lisa
and Leo, they're at a book store. Lisa's flicking
through True Love and Leo's all over some mag
full of pictures of almost naked girls. I'd say
they're naked if you approximate the percent of
bare skin to their clothes.
"Hey, kiddo," says Leo.
"Guys guess what?" Abby starts, "Alex was
checking out this other girl and mom saw him
scan her bum!"
"What!" Leo almost throws his magazine
and Lisa is jaw-dropped. She pulls her jaw back
up and laughs hard. Leo keeps yelling what
and I bury my face in my hands to hide the
shame and ugh, the blushing. I'm a guy for
Pete's sake I'm no supposed to blush this hard.
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"You were all over her ass, checking her
chamfers and mom saw you?" says Lisa. She
laughs so hard I fear she might upchuck her
breakfast—which was cranberry juice, cranberry
milkshake and cranberry smoothie (she still
plans to make cranberry pie for dinner).
"Shut up guys." I grab Abby and rub her
hair so she feels the burn. She fakes a scream
and I have to let go and she starts giggling
again. But I can take it. It's not so bad to be the
clown.
"By the way," says leo, "We were
discussing who you're real mom could be. You
wanna know our latest guess?"
I know this is just one more of his jokes.
Before I can say anything he gestures at the
magazine's front cover where a model runs on
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the beach in the tightest bikini suit. My brow
rises, "A model?"
"A supermodel! Cool, huh? I'd die to have
a supermodel for a mother."
"You're stupid. How could I live knowing
that all my friends know what my mom looks
like without clothes on?"
"Dude, not all of them are nudes."
"Lots of them are. I don't understand how
they pose naked and have their pictures taken
like that. I don't want my mom to be like that."
Lisa supports me, "Alex has a point."
Leo shrugs. He doesn't argue with her.
She's too factual. Lisa picks herself a few novels
for the week. I help her choose but I know I'd
never read one myself. Reading is one thing I
just don't know. And I'm only standing in this
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stupid book store because of my family. I'd
never walk into this hole alone. Book and Alex
are simply on opposite spectrums. Lisa tries but
knows she can't convince me to read a book.
All I do is dance. My heart's a boom-box and I
skip to beats, not shitty crammed words in
shitty pieces of paper assembled into what we
call novels. Uh-uh, not for me.
"Well, I bet your real mom loved to read,"
says Lisa. I see her grin and turn away,
pretending to be scanning for more of James
Patterson when she knows very well she just hit
the red button.
I chuckle, "Very funny, Lisa, very funny."
*
We meet mom and dad at KFC and grab
ourselves a snack. My siblings are still teasing
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me about my embarrassing incident so much
that my burger isn't so tasty anymore.
A waiter waltzes by and Lisa calls, "A can of
cranberry, please."
Dad's eyes almost pop out, "Another one!"
Lisa laughs and slips back in her seat with a
sheepish smile, "I can't help it."
I nudge her, "Lisa, that's your twelfth can
today."
"So?"
"So?" mom looks like she might want to
give a parental lecture.
Abby stretches her hand and I pass her
some ketchup, "Face it Lisa, you're addicted
again."
"Am not!"
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Abby counters, "Are to! If it's not sex it's
cranberry. The only way to cure one addiction
is to replace it. But I never thought you'd
choose cranberry!"
"Mom!" Lisa whines, sounding like a little
girl now—which is funny 'cause she's always so
bossy, "We agreed to never talk about that
chapter."
Abby pastes a thick smear of ketchup on
her chicken and hands it to Leo who's enjoying
every bit of the drama as much as I am.
"Call it a flashback," says Asher.
"Back to the point," says dad, "Lisa you are
overdosing yourself with this popular drink."
"It's not even that popular."
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"That means it's cheap," says Abby, biting
through some wings, "No wonder you get to
buy loads of it."
"Abby, one of these days you're gonna get
flushed down the toilet and never come back!"
Lisa gets so infuriated she grabs her cranberry
and snaps it open and drinks profusely like an
animal, a lioness claiming her prey.
"We need to ban those from the house,
dad," says Asher. "For her own good."
Lisa chokes on her drink and I have to pat
her back, "WHAT!"
"Not a bad idea," says Leo.
"It's about time," says Abby, "We don't
want to her to die."
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Lisa puts both hands on her waist, "I can't
believe you guys. Is there anyone who
understands me... mom? Alex?"
"I support you," I say, but just so I can be
her shoulder to cry on when they really ban her
favorite drink from her until she gains control—
which I doubt is going to happen.
Leo's phone buzzes in his pocket.
"Whoops, it's Jacky." He gets up and makes his
way to the loo. He's been hooking up with
Jacqueline, the girl who almost lost the
password to Avocado, and I'm getting the
impression he's finally found someone he likes.
Maybe the player days are over for Leo. But
from what Asher tells me, true love doesn't cut
out for Leo. I think it's because my brothers are
both players and have a good time at clubs
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and dances. Asher wouldn't want to lose a
companion like Leo.
"I'm drinking my cranberry and no one's
gonna stop me," says Lisa, drinking from the
straw mom just gave her. I hope it'll help her to
not choke herself this time. I don't want to lose
a sister to a can of cranberry. And I'm sure her
maybe future boyfriend thinks the same.
She's been spending lots of time with Paul
ever since they met at the reggae festival that
got all blown up thanks to my luck. It's like
everyone's moving on. But with Lisa I'm
skeptical. Maybe she just wants to stay normal.
And the chapter of her life we're not allowed to
talk about is the one that got her pregnant.
She's done stuff she's not proud of. We all have
shadow days and in her days, she slept with
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about every guy she found attractive. Mom
says she was running away when we crashed
financially, she was simply looking for
gratification to get her through the cracks.
"Hey, Alex," says Asher, "Ain't that your
girl?" He's pointing at a girl in a cream coat
lying all over the small table fast asleep with a
cup of ice-cream and coffee beside a canvas
bag of lemons. Weird. But when I look it's really
Aisha. I stroll over and pat her until she begins
to stir.
"Do you know where you are?"
"I know I'm not home," she mouths, and
rubs her eyes weakly, "Who the hell are you
and why are you—Alex!"
"You okay?"
She bursts out of her seat and hugs me.
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"Girl what's the deal? You look like you've
been camping here!"
She smiles and then looks down at her stuff.
Unfinished breakfast, a canvas full of lemons
and today's paper.
"When I'm sour I make lemonade." Her
words strike me and I instantly know
something's wrong.
"You didn't sleep at home?"
"No, I slept at my uncle's but he can be a
jerk too so I came here."
"Why?"
"I visited my dad in prison and mom
doesn't like it. She gets mad and I can't stand
her so I decided to hang out here."
"Why didn't you call me?"
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"Because I didn't need to be on your
things-to-worry-about list and I can take care of
myself anyway—"
"Shut up. You're coming home with us."
"I have to—"
I drag her to our table. She's rubbing the
sleepies away and trying to act like she showed
up only five minutes ago but my siblings aren't
blind from the truth. They already know when
she says she visited her dad.
She puts the paper down and dad's eyes
pop again the same way they do when mom
brings fish to the table. "Such a smart girl to
bring a newspaper!"
Aisha blushes and takes her seat.
"Seriously," dad adds, I know where he's
going with this, "I got five kids but none of
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them with the courtesy or the brain, not even
the ass to buy a paper."
"I can't read," says Abby.
"Four kids," dad corrects.
"I don't read," I say. "But I'm a radio—"
"Radio my foot!" dad snaps.
Abby decides to make fun of me, "He ain't
got the ass, daddy!"
"He sure don't!"
Lisa says she brought a mag and Leo says
me too while raising his.
"True Love and porn?"
"It's not porn dad, that's just the cover,"
says Leo.
"Give me that rubbish," dad takes away
Leo's magazine and tucks it away. This is all
making us crack up. Asher doesn't get his. He's
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paying anyway and dad never bothers him for
that.
"Ask her if she's even read her paper," I tell
dad.
Dad takes the paper and flips through,
"What's happening, Aisha?"
"Jailbreak. Five escaped last night."
The photos of the convicts are on the very
front and we all catch our breathes at who we
see: Rhino, his assistant Woff Woff, Showdy,
Riley and Rob.
"Every ass we put behind bars escaped!"
says Leo.
"God forbid! I hope they'll find them," says
mom. I just hope they do. What if they come
back for us? I sit back and see Abby is grinning
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and poking my girlfriend, "We are gonna have
so much fun today."
"If fun means you in a bathtub with sharks
then you're right."
"And newsflash honey, Alex has been
unfaithful."
*
"Guys, Paul's coming over so I request your
best behavior," says Lisa. We are hanging out
in the living-room trying to play God of War
and monopoly at the same time. Asher and
Aisha get along well when it comes to the
bloody stuff and I just sidestep away and pull
out the board games no one can resist. Listen
here, I'm not the type to be boring but I just
don't cut out for everything Aisha likes.
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"Say what?" says Abby, "You want me to
change because some doofus I don't care
about it coming over to give you a big fat
kiss?"
Aisha laughs and nudges me, "Is she this
mean to everybody?"
Mom turns up behind Lisa, "Abby be nice.
She just wants everything to go smooth around
here."
"It's her date. She's the one to get all
sappy!"
Lisa bobs her head in surprise, and pulls a
grin, "Wait till you have a date. I'll make you
miserable!" she turns for the kitchen, "I'm
grabbing a cranberry!"
"They're taken!" shouts Abby.
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Lisa comes strolling back to us, "What do
you mean they're taken?"
Her voice is so freaked out she sounds
funny. Asher helps telling her they're gone.
"Gone...? GONE!"
"Yeah," I say, "Dad confiscated them."
"A-ar-are you guys for real?"
"Yup!" says Abby, "Wanna play monopoly
now? You've been spending all day on your
science project."
"I need my cranberry! I can't do nothing
without cranberry!"
Lisa goes all over the house. She flips
cupboards, scans the fridge, searches the room
closets but no sign of her favorite drink. She
comes back, head hung low with her hands
behind her neck like she's about to explode
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from being so desperate. "You can't do this to
me!"
"Just did. We saved you some raspberry—"
"No way, guys! This... this means war!"
Over the week Lisa pulls her best efforts to
smuggle cranberry inside the house but believe
it or not, she fails each time. Dad's really
serious about this one. Lisa gets searched
before and after school, plus Leo and I aren't
letting her get any cranberry from Bull's Park
either. Dad even bought a new dog that can
sniff out cranberry juice like a piece of steak!
It's really hilarious. Paul decides to help her out
one day by throwing her some cranberry cans
through her window because he gets searched
too. Lisa got the cans but they were sniffed out
in seconds with the new rottweiler barking at
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her room door. Dad made her open and she
got caught red handed.
At school she tried to get a friend to fill her
locker with some cranberry but Leo was there
and he enjoys the job as much as dad. It's
Thursday night at the round family table.
There's an unusually quiet mood because Lisa's
not talking or stirring us up as she usually does.
Dad is stern. He's got his rottweiler sitting
beside sniffing the air for any sign of anything
cranberry related.
"It's not fair, dad!" says Lisa.
"It's for your own good. I know when you're
addicted."
"I'm not addicted."
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"Why don't we take her to cranberryholics
anonymous?" Abby suggests, all tongue-incheek.
"Cut it out, Abby," I tell her.
"I can't even put on my perfume without
that thing sniffing me out! How long is this
gonna take?"
"A few weeks or until you get a grip," says
Leo.
Lisa leans back and pouts. She's pissed. I
rarely see her this upset but today I can tell this
has gotten all over her nerves. Asher tries to
cheer her up by passing a tall glass of OJ. She
almost ignores it but after dinner she takes it
down.
"Good luck on that science project
tomorrow," says Asher, "I'll try to be there."
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"You should. Bring some chicks too!" says
Leo.
"Ugh! Asher don't bother there're enough
for him at school and thanks anyway," says Lisa,
"I'm off to bed."
"Hey guys," says Abby, "Wanna watch
tonights movie. It's Cranberry disaster. Too bad
Lisa can't watch it though."
"Ugh!" Lisa gets all huffed up and grabs
Abby and begins shaking her like a coconut.
She grabs a handful of spinach and shoves it in
her mouth, "Eat your own stupid words! This is
what they taste like!"
Abby can't scream with all the spinach
clogging up her mouth. She hates spinach too
and is struggling to shut her mouth. I crack up.
I knew they would fight someday, I just didn't
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know Abby wouldn't be able to scream for
help. "Eat that! Eat that!"
I leave before mom comes to skin us all
alive.
*
I travel down from the P.E department all
the way to my locker to dump my stuff. A duffel
bag of sweaty sportswear and some cologne.
It's 6pm and I've just got back from a
basketball game. English is boring with Ms
Happiness. Mr. Peter's still in the hospital after
he got shot by that dumb monkey.
Aisha saunters to me with a library book.
"Hey, sexy."
She rolls her eyes, "Hi. You read this book
before?" she shows me the cover. "It's called
Almost Dead."
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"You know I don't read."
"Ugh! I forget. Well you heard it?"
"Nope."
Aisha flips the pages and smiles, "Then can
I read it to you?"
I smile back, wondering how she'll get the
time. But we hang out enough, "Sure."
"I like the way they die," she adds and then
I realize what it's all about.
"So that's it, huh?" I snatch the book away
and threaten to burn it while she chuckles at
my side.
"Give me my book back and let's hurry for
that science show!"
I shut my locker and before I'm done
locking she's already tugging me toward the
hall. "Easy, girl!"
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I get dragged like a bad puppy until we
reach the entrance where the words ROBOT
DAY are hanging from the ceiling. I meet Lisa
at the door. She looks a bit self-conscious and
she's never like that. I ask her what's up and
she says it's nothing. Just the jitters.
"You're not getting any cranberry from
anyone are you?"
"Ugh! Please, give me a break!"
I laugh back. That sure ticked her off.
"Why don't you just let her be," says Aisha,
"Lisa, I'm getting you a cranberry today."
Suddenly Leo appears behind us, "No
you're not," he sings. Aisha rolls her eyes at
him. Leo shakes his head, "You can do better
than that. Lisa, we ready?"
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"Sure," she says with a smile. It's a very
peculiar one and it's gotten our attention.
"Come on, guys, I'm clear. Not a drop of
cranberry on me," she chuckles and makes her
way in.
Leo tails along, "Yeah, that better be true."
Aisha crosses her arms and pouts at me,
"You guys can suck. Especially Leo!"
"We know," I take her hand and lead her in.
The hall is an exhibition of robots created by
the science students. There are tons of weird
gizmos around. There's some toaster that
makes cheese, a flying saucer, water-sensing
shoes and some remote control vehicles that
look more like toys than robots to me.
"This is whack!" says Aisha. "I can't imagine
making this stuff."
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The show's already begun and judges are
passing around while the students are
demonstrating their projects. A team made this
TV that's attached to a fan. When you turn it
on, the fan spins and you can control the speed
directly from the remote. The kind of stuff you
find is really impressive.
We pass by what seems like an electronic
turkey and then we see Lisa, Leo and Karen
standing beside their robot. It's a vacuum
cleaner that's remote controlled just like those
toy cars you get at the stores. Instead of
walking around with it, you just rest your tired
ass down and control it while you're in bed or
on the couch. I give them a thumbs up. Lisa
and Karen are briskly waving back but Leo
squares his shoulders, always proud and full of
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himself. Sometimes he gets to proud of
himself.
The judges come over to them and
examine their vacuum cleaner while I listen to
Leo filing them in on the specifications and the
other crap that doesn't even matter.
Out of nowhere someone comes by and
leaves a cranberry can on a table next to Lisa.
She never gives up, Lisa. Leo sees it too and
pretends not to be concerned. Not with the
judge asking all the questions.
"Let's see then," says the judge.
"Sure," Leo picks up the cable and plugs it
in the wall. Karen takes the remote and shows
them how it works. It's really impressive. It
buzzes around sucking the dust off our feet.
We're all clapping our hands with big smiley
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faces like we just witnessed a breakthrough.
And that's when Lisa turns around and grabs
the cranberry. Suddenly Leo's hand is at the
bottom of it.
"You don't need this," says Leo.
"Let go," says Lisa, pulling harder. She
turns around and cracks it open but our
brother's not letting go.
"Give it, Lisa!"
"No way!" she kicks his shin and that's
when it all gets crazy. They wrestle for the can
like kids without forgetting how much
humiliation they're putting on the family.
"Guys!" Karen gasps. She's patting Leo's
shoulder. The judges and everyone else are
staring at them. I don't know what to do it's just
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so embarrassing! People are pointing, even at
me.
Leo finally snatches it away but a whole lot
of it splashes out and lands on their vacuum
cleaner. Sparks blast out and smoke wafts out
the back as the socket blows up. The lights
blow out, leaving us in total darkness! The
magnitude of the damage might be equal to
expulsion.
"Nice job, Leo!" Lisa snaps.
"Dammit," says Leo. "Sorry, guys!"
The only lights are coming from the next
building and shine through the window. The
rest of the school is practically blown into
darkness.
Olivia strolls by with the janitor who's
holding a flashlight. He flashes it at Leo and
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Lisa and Olivia crosses her arms and gives them
the angry hawk-eye principal stare. "You know
how much trouble you two are in?"
Lisa's jaw drops at the sound of trouble.
Her gap turns into a sheepish grin, "No, we
have no idea."
*
"This is never happening again. Are we
clear?"
"Yes, dad."
"Lisa, did I hear you?"
"It won't happen again."
After school I don't hang around our living
room. Leo and Lisa are having that talk. Our
parents were called and Olivia didn't bother to
hide how embarrassed she was for what
happened. Mom told Abby, Asher and I that
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she laid it flat. I know the principal kinda owes
us for saving her ass from Showdy but I guess it
doesn't mean she should stop doing her job.
Even if it means it's going to suck sometimes.
I'm in the kitchen with Abby and Asher
cooking some noodles when Leo and Lisa
come in, both relieved the whole lecture is
over.
"Man, that was mad," says Leo. He reaches
for his iPhone up the cupboard.
"You don't want to check Avocado," says
Asher. I've seen what he means and I'd want
Leo to listen but he just won't.
"Why not?"
"It's obvious everyone's talking about us,"
says Lisa. "I can't imagine how many people
are making fun of me right now."
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"Quit acting like jerks, what you did was
brilliant!" says Abby, "How many people can
blow out all the lights in the school at once
with a vacuum cleaner?"
It's funny Abby has a point there but not
when Lisa pipes down how much the family has
to pay for the damage.
"Abby's got a point," says Leo, "Besides, I
own this thing. Why should people mock me
on my own website. I'll block everyone tonight
until they write apologies! You don't bite the
hand that feeds you."
"Not smart," I tell him, "You'll ruin
everything for Avocado and there's Facebook
anyway so no one's giving a rat's ass about
that."
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Leo bobs his head. He does that to agree
with me and then grabs an apple from the
fridge. "And Jacky thinks I'm a doofus, she's
cancelled our date."
Just when I'm halfway through my banana
dad pokes his head into the kitchen. "You free,
Alex?"
"Just making noodles."
"Come. We've got something to talk
about."
I give Lisa a questioning look and she
shrugs and mouths,"No idea."
I get out the kitchen and follow him
upstairs. He takes me into his room and we go
to the balcony where we can see the entire
street. I've never been up his balcony before.
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He sighs and pats my shoulder, "You're
nervous."
I chuckle, "A bit. You never bring me here."
"I thought we could use some fresh air."
"Is this about Lisa's cranberry thing and
what happened at school?"
It's my first guess. I hope he doesn't think I
placed the can at the perfect place at the
wrong time. Truth is, Lisa got Pizza to do her
the favor that almost got them expelled. It's
cool they didn't even get suspended.
"No," he says, "It's about you."
"Me?"
"Yes, you. I know we haven't spoken to you
about this. It's my fault we haven't been open
to you as we wished. We've been so full of the
idea that you're our own son. We've treated
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you like the rest and you know how much this
family loves you."
"This is about my real parents?"
My dad nods, "Your mother. We know
you'd try to find her. When kids grow up and
know there's a chance their mothers are out
there they sometimes go after them. And no
one can stop you. I'm not saying that we
would."
"Dad, please get straight to the point. I'm
not enjoying this. It's weird."
"Okay, point is that your mom and I have
been searching for your real mom for a long
time and this morning our detective brought us
the best results we could imagine."
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"What?" I had no idea my parents were
doing this all behind me. "You guys never told
me a thing."
"We are telling you now. You have so much
in your mind kid, we didn't need to bug you
with all this. We just wanted you to live a
normal life. We didn't want you to get worked
out on all this. Believe me son, it's been hectic
and these things take time and effort. But we
did this for you. I know it's a blow, we just
wanted to support you here. I felt responsible
to do this for you. We adopted you in the first
place, why not help you find your mother?"
I breathe out a wave of shock. I've got so
much boggling my brain right now. Dad pats
my shoulder, telling me it's okay. He pulls out a
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piece of paper from his shirt pocket and shows
it to me. It's a name.
"Sarah Y Morret. That's my mom?"
"Most likely. She was a supermodel. We
don't know where she is. Some say she
disappeared. We can't know for sure until we
test your DNAs."
"And you already have my DNA?"
It was more of a statement than a question.
And I wanted a yes or no.
"You had a bike accident and I told the
doctors to help me with that while they took
care of you."
"Thanks. But you know this sucks."
"It's not the best—"
I spin around, cutting him short, and
beeline to the door. "Next time let's not talk on
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your balcony or anywhere in here. It's really
weird."
*
Lisa can be funny without her cranberry.
She's made a week without it but I know she'd
do anything for one more drop of it. We're at
the park and we're jumping off treetops with
parachutes. It's crazy! Lisa's parachute almost
wouldn't pop out. Thank God it did eventually
but she doesn't want any more of it so she's
gone off to the swings. There are a couple of
people staring at us like we're nuts. Well, we
are anyway. But I'm just trying to get some stuff
off my mind.
"Too infinity... AND BEYOND!" Asher
shouts and he jumps off. In mid air he pulls the
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string and his parachute comes popping out
the bag. He descends gently onto the grass.
"All right, my turn," Abby shouts, "Alex, are
you gonna help me?"
"I'm going to Lisa for a sec, ask Leo."
"Leo will throw me off and kill me. We all
know he's stupid!"
Leo attacks Abby for that and I turn my
back away. I heel out to the swings where Lisa
is and before I get there, I see her speaking to
Paul.
"Oh, hey little guy!"
"I'm not little," I snap. Lisa rolls her eyes.
"But I'll try to be nice to you for Lisa's sake."
"Come on, your sister is nice to your
girlfriend. You can be nice to her boy."
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I take my swing beside Lisa while Paul
stands tall, beaming down at me like I'm the
cranky little brother.
"I'm not very diplomatic."
Lisa laughs and pats my back. "We're not
serious, Alex, Paul's just a friend."
"And we're dating too," says Paul.
"She would've told us if she thought the
same."
Lisa jabs me, "Give him a break. You don't
get this from Aisha's mom."
I push further, "What are your intentions
with my sister?"
For a moment, Paul stutters and his mouth
is agape while trying to figure out a perfect
answer.
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"Paul, give me time to speak to my
brother," says Lisa.
"Yes, my lovely pair of eyes!"
Paul heels out leaving us some family
space.
"He's gonna pee himself," says Lisa. "Don't
be pushy."
"You like him? Did you hear how he
insulted you?"
"What? Lovely pair of eyes sounds insulting
to you?"
"Lisa, that's not smooth."
"I just want someone who cares and listens
and doesn't think I'm an addict simply because
I like a drink."
I swing a little forward. She has a point
there.
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"So what are you gonna do with your
problem?" she tells me. I told her what my dad
told me. She wasn't surprised. She expected it.
"Don't know. Worst of all Leo was right, my
mom is a supermodel! Do you know how bad it
is when Leo's right?"
Lisa cracks up again. I guess I'm funny
sometimes when I'm annoyed.
"There's nothing wrong about being a
supermodel. Maybe the nude photo shoots but
not all of them do that. I'm sure she was a
good model."
I chuckle, "Leo thinks she's sexy."
"You don't want your mom to be sexy?"
I gaze at Lisa and she bursts into laughter.
"Weird question."
"You're so prude!"
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"Hey, this is my mama we're talking about,
not Beyonce! I can't talk about her body like it's
Tyra Banks for God's sake give me a break!"
She just keeps cracking up and I hear Abby
screaming with Leo as she takes her jump and
pulls on her parachute. It's all crazy.
"Anyway, I have something for you. We're
all having crazy times so I thought why not
loosen up." I zip open my bag and pull out a
purple can of cranberry. Before I can see the
expression on her face, Lisa has already
pranced on me and I fall off the swing. We fall
to the ground. The can rolls into the dust and
it's snatched away by my sister who just can't
believe it. She is staring at it like she just won
the lottery and I'm laughing my head off.
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"THANK YOU SO MUCH!" she yells and
kisses me. She pops it open and savors the
flavor down her throat. Letting it revive every
cell in her body like a magic potion. When I'm
on my feet again the purple can lies empty on
the ground and Lisa gives me a tight bear hug.
She is so thankful.
"Yo! I didn't save your life or anything,
okay?"
"Yes you did!"
Suddenly a message plops into my phone
via Monkey Chat from the Bear:
Let's hang out at Bulls park. U coming?
Will b there in ten minutes pal!
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Great! Aisha & pizza r here too
"Hey, Lisa—"
"I'll come!"
I smile, "Cool. Let me ask the others."
"We can let Leo break his legs first," Lisa
grins. Maybe. It's easy to see why Paul gets so
mesmerized by my sister. It's her sexy grin that
boys can't help melting for. I'm not sure about
this Paul guy either. But if Lisa's really good
with him then I'm good too. Asher and Leo's
messages appear, saying they'll come too.
Abby just wants one more jump.
*
It takes us a five minute bike ride to get to
Bull's Park. After parking outside, we leave our
parachute bags on our bikes and waltz in. The
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scent of roast beef wafting around fills us up
like balloons. The delicious aroma makes me
want to fall to my knees and kiss the floor. It's
great to be at the Park again.
The Bear waves at us from our favorite
booth.
"Hi, fellas!" I move around, giving them
high-fives until I take my seat next to Aisha.
"Hey, baby," she kisses my cheek and
passes me a milkshake. "Got your order."
"Thanks," I take a sip, savoring the
pineapple as it fills up my straw.
"So, Alex is the only one who gets a quick
treat," Abby whines.
"Suck it, sister!" Aisha snaps.
"What! Asher give me a tomato or a really
hard apple or a fork—"
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"Relax guys!" says the Bear.
Pizza laughs at Abby. Leo's enjoying it just
as much too and Lisa knows how hard it is
when Aisha and Abby start pissing each other.
"They never stop, do they?" says Pizza.
"Nope," I tell her. Abby's still trying to get
something to throw at Aisha. She tells her to
bring it on (many times) which makes it all
worse.
"Chill, Abby. You two can kill each other
later," says Asher. She finally sits down but I can
tell she's not letting my girlfriend get away with
it for good.
Lisa orders a cranberry but Leo and Asher
cancel it. She pouts but I give her a wink. She
knows I'll get her some later so she settles for
lemonade.
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"We ordered Bull's super large pizza!" says
the Bear.
"I thought you'd order at least two of
those," says Asher. My brother eats like hell.
We all do but he takes down six meals a day
because he works out a lot and needs to put
up with his basketball career. He's got a game
tomorrow too.
Bull himself delivers the super-duper large
Megapizza. It fills our whole table and the slices
are so big, Aisha and I have to hold and eat
one together. It's amusing when we munch to
the last bites and kiss when we're done with
our slice.
"You heard the news kids? Those faggots
we put in jail are on the run," says Bull.
"You want to protect yourself?" says Aisha.
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"I'll protect Olivia 'case Showdy and Rhino
dare show their asses around Sandton."
I put my arm around Aisha, "Same thing
here."
We chuckle and Bull pats my back. "That's
right, son. I'll go now." And he turns back for
the kitchen.
"Bet you wish Paul was here," Aisha teases.
Lisa blushes and raises her eye brow in
some kind of classy self-defense, "What is it to
you?"
Aisha rolls her eyes and then we all start
talking about the craziest things happening
around. The fact that five convicts escaped
prison last week and haven't been found,
Olivia's probable secret crush on Stew Marley
who wants absolutely nothing to do with her,
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Bull's plans to break the ice and ask Olivia's
hand in marriage, Mr. Peter's return and a girl
who lost her teeth kissing a shark—bad story.
We last talk about me and my mother. Yes,
somehow Lisa spilled the beans and now
everyone's trying to give me some quality
advice here and Aisha won't stop rubbing my
shoulders.
"You said dad gave you her name?" says
Pizza.
"Yeah," I take a napkin and put it down:
SARAH Y MORRET.
"Cute name."
"Thanks."
"You have her picture?" asks the Bear. Leo
pulls out his MacBook Air and googles but
there's nothing on her. We just keep getting
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other Sarah Morrets we're not looking for. I sit
back and give up.
"What's the use? I don't think I'm ever
going to find her."
"You will of course," says Abby.
"Thanks, Abby."
"Cheer up, how many of our moms are
supermodels?" says the Bear.
Leo gives him a high-five, "Brother, that's
what I'm trying to tell him every time!"
"Emolie, you're right!" Lisa snaps.
"Please call me the Bear."
"Whatever. Alex hand me that napkin!"
Something's zapped into my sister right
now and we can't wait to see what it is. She
takes my pen and gives my mom's name a hard
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look. And then she starts writing something
below Sarah Morret.
"Bingo!" She shows us and it just blows us
away. It's so clever that it's hard to believe!
"Sarah Y Morret is an anagram! This is her real
name."
ROSEMARY HART. All along her name was
Rosemary Hart.
"How d'you know?" I say.
"I was reading True Love and there was this
article that said some models who wanted to
stand out changed their names using
pseudonyms and even anagrams to complete
the whole appeal. Maybe Rosemary thought
her name didn't have the appeal she wanted so
Sarah Y Morret took the cake!"
"You're a genius!"
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"I didn't even think at all."
I still don't know how but Lisa's always got
it on with her intuition. Leo googles Rosemary
Hart and this time we actually find an old
model with that very same name!
"This is brilliant!" says Pizza.
"Fucking smart!" Leo gasps.
"Bizarre," says Asher, a little skeptic
though. Aisha thinks Lisa's inhumanly clever.
We find out Rosemary lived in Pretoria. That's
exactly where I was born—or dumped. We
even get a location straight to her house. I
copy the link in my phone and tap open Maps.
It's pretty cool and mind-blowing to know
where exactly my mom might be living now.
"I'm going after her," I say.
"Not without us," says Aisha.
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"Not alone," says Asher.
"No way you going to see that sexy model
without me!" says Leo. I want to hit him for
that.
"All right, whoever wants to come along." I
look back at her location in my phone and feel
a wave of relief I haven't felt in a long while.
This just might be it.
"Hey, Lisa, look there!" Leo points out the
window to a small truck.
All of a sudden Lisa has jumped out of the
bench and is running for the door.
"Lisa!" I run after her. It's like she's
suddenly gone bonkers but when I have
another look at the truck I realize what it's all
about: it's a cranberry truck with the words:
FREE CRANBERRY SODA.
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Lisa gets on her bike and swings the
parachute bag behind her as she peddles onto
the road. I get on my bike and race after my
sister.
"LISA! STOP THIS IS CRAZY!"
"ALEX THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER! I
AIN'T STOPPING!"
She takes it onto the curb and I'm dashing
on her tail as she swerves after the truck.
"HEY! HEY!" Lisa shouts, "STOP THE
TRUCK. I WANT FREE CRANBERRY! I'LL EVEN
PAY IF YOU WANT!"
"LISA, YOU'RE OUTTA YOUR MIND!"
She peddles faster and faster and as the
truck takes a left, she almost swerves into a
lamppost. The next thing she almost hits is a
kid and girl and her cat. She screams at people
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to get out of the way. Man, she's really been
dying for this stuff.
She follows the truck down Rivonia, the
same street Aisha and I had our joyride in and
crashed into the mayor's pool and I'm having
the premonition something bad is going to
happen with how fast she's going.
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SLOW DOWN!"
The more I push the faster she peddles and
she's got the adrenalin rush that I don't
because I'm not the one craving here. The
purple and white truck takes her down a road
leading to a tunnel. I peddle hard enough to
finally get in line with her.
"Lisa, please!" We share eye contact for a
moment but Lisa peels off the sentiment and
keeps pursuing. We dodge garbage cans and
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barking stray dogs, two of which chased us but
gave up short. The truck seems to slow down a
bit but the exhaust just makes me sick. I feel
like puking as I struggle to bear with the fumes
blowing in our faces. I want to crash into Lisa to
stop this insanity but I fear she'll get badly hurt.
The truck drives through broken gates and into
a deserted warehouse building. I pull the
breaks and skid in front of Lisa. She stops too
and tries to circle me when I put a hand on her
handlebar.
"I'm a guy with limits, Lisa. If you're going
in there I'm not coming after you."
Lisa sighs and watches the truck vanish into
the ghostly building before returning me a sad
gaze. She's exited about the free cranberry
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thing but knows how much it's driving me nuts
to see her lose herself like this.
"I just wanna check it out," she says. I let
go of her bike.
"I won't bother you. I won't follow you. I'll
wait here till you're done because I'm not
going back without you."
There's a weird silence and Lisa hesitantly
decides to peddle along.
"Thanks, Alex. Promise I'll be back in five
minutes." She rides through the broken gates
and disappears into the building. It looks all
ghostly and dangerous and I know my jitters
are right when they're tingling to tell me there's
no good up there. Why would a truck take this
route and go up a place like this. I call Leo and
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tell him what's happened. All I get on the other
end is a long laugh. He suggests I call the cops.
Right then I hear a piercing scream. Her
voice shatters my heart.
I yell into the phone, "SOMETHING'S
WRONG WITH LISA!"
"That was her? I thought I heard a cat!"
says Leo, "We're coming right away man.
Where are you?"
As I rush towards the gates I send Leo our
location code so he can map us out. I get off
my bike and Lisa screams again. "ALEX!"
"I'M COMING!" The adrenaline bursts
around me, juicing me up with anger and worry
as I run into the building and see five men I had
never ever wanted to see again in my entire
life. And they have Lisa. !
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19
MY MOM'S A SUPERMODEL
PART 2
"Jesus!" I shriek, pointing at their grinning
faces, "You guys!"
"That's right, punk!" says Showdy, spinning
a crowbar in his hands. The people we had a
hand in putting behind bars are right in front of
me right now with vengeance flashing in their
eyes. It's Rhino and his assistant who's name
really doesn't matter, Riley, Rob and Showdy.
Riley's got Lisa and has a knife ready to slit her
neck at the slightest pull.
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"So good to see you again, Alex," says
Rhino, kinda walking over to me but then back
and forth like in the movies.
"Let my sister go!" I bark.
Riley's teeth flash as he grins. He pulls the
dagger closer to her neck and they all laugh at
the distress in my eyes. My body is shaking and
I know I need to put my adrenaline somewhere
or else I'll explode on my feet.
Rhino takes a glance at Riley and back to
me. "No no no," he says, gesturing with his
index finger, "I haven't yet told you of our
plan."
"I don't need to hear anything from you!" I
snap.
Rhino bobs his head to Riley who edges the
dagger right under my sister's neck. Lisa yelps,
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feeling the jaggy edge of the dagger pressed
against her skin. The pain shows in our eyes as
we share contact. It's sad. I just wished she'd
listened to me.
"Easy now," says Rhino, "Do listen for you
could learn. Who would've thought it would
only take an old beat up truck with a fake free
cranberry ad to lure your clever sister into my
wrath? Who would've thought the super genius
Lisa Cyprian would fall for such a stupid prank?
Such a simple trick?
"Everybody has a weakness, Alex. To
some... it's ice-cream. To some it's sex, to
others it's money, to others it's drugs. To some
it's a free can of cranberry! How silly! But we
would never had known if it wasn't for our
good friend here. Paul!"
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Suddenly, a figure moves in the shadows.
He walks out and we are utterly confused to
see Paul with his hands wrapped behind his
back. Rob and Showdy pat his back.
"You TRAITOR!" Lisa yells and I can see
she's exasperated to find out he was using her
the whole time. It's the first time I've heard her
speak ever since we got here and in a way, it
gives me a new hope. Maybe we could get out
of this one. Maybe I've just got to open up my
senses.
Paul laughs and kisses Lisa's cheek, "Sorry
to share your secret. But it was just too
amusing how you'd die for a drop of
cranberry."
Lisa spits back at him and quicker than I
hear it, he's slapped her flat on the face! My
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eyes turn into fireballs but it's hopeless I can't
do anything. My threats are empty when these
faggots have the upper hand here.
My eyes meet with Lisa and for a split
second, we understand each other. We need a
plan! And fast! I scan around and notice red
pipes running up and down, through and
through like an old lab or some facility. Up a
wall there's a faucet beside a yellow tube. Lisa
lifts her left eyebrow and blinks her eye. It takes
another quick glance at the faucet to know
what she means. It's a very uncertain plan but
it's all we got and I pray I don't screw up.
"And what's with the weird bags?" says
Rhino, pointing at the parachute bag strapped
on me. "If you're planning a hike forget it. You
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might be dead or worse vegetables when we're
done with you."
"Maybe it's money, boss," suggest his
assistant.
"Shut up, Weasel!"
I snort, "Oh, now you're called Weasel?
Don't you have a legitimate name?"
"Check the paper—"
"I said shut up!" Rhino roars and fixes his
gaze at me again.
"You wanna see what this does, Rhino?" I
tell him.
Rhino purses his lips and beams at me the
way the Olivia does when we're in trouble. I
only have a moment for this and I've got to do
this right.
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I turn to the wall and turn down the faucet
and before they know what's happening, gas is
already surging out at amazing pressure. I
swing off my bag, raise it up and pull the right
cord to release the parachute.
And it expands so fast with the gas,
swallowing up Showdy, Weasel, Paul and Rob
like a finishing net. It all happens in a fraction,
Lisa kicks her way free from Riley who's too
shocked for any quick reflexes and I send a
punch to Rhino's cheekbone until it cracks from
all the adrenaline I've been packing in my fists.
"RUN!" Lisa yells. Rhino stumbles back
while the rest fight their way out of the
parachute and we're on the run, making
corners. The wheezing of the gas vanishes from
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earshot as Lisa and I rush deeper into the
building for a way out.
"That was really great, Alex!"
"Let's just get out of here first. Leo's
supposed to come." I search my pockets for
my iPhone but realize it's gone. "I think I
dropped my phone back there!"
"Forget it!" Lisa pants, "There!" she points
to a window. "We're busting through!"
We can hear the gang getting round the
corner and closing the distance.
"Leo's coming," I gasp.
"Leo's not here yet." She takes the lead
and jumps with her hands around her face as
she smashes through the window. I jump after
her and roll down the road. We pick ourselves
up and race past unattended garbage bins.
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When we glance back we see Showdy jumping
out the window, with Riley and Rob next.
"AFTER THEM!" "Where are we going?" I shout.
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"We don't have much time!"
We suddenly hear a car speeding ahead of
us. I breathe hope. The sound of the engine
gets louder and the next thing we see is Pizza's
pink convertible drifting toward us. Leo and
Asher are in too.
"DON'T LET THEM ESCAPE!" "GET IN!" Asher shouts.
Pizza spins the car in a half-moon drift. Lisa
and I jump in and Pizza turns the wheels to race
us out.
"WOOHOO!" yells Leo.
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"We beat them!" I gasp. "What a scare."
"Who were those guys?" asks Pizza.
"Just some bad people who want revenge
because we put them in jail," says Leo, "You all
right, Lisa?"
She nods sheepishly. It hasn't been easy for
her at all.
"It's all right, Lisa. We're good," I say.
She smiles. We're good.
*
It was one hell of a day! We got back to
Bull's Park, told him what happened while we
spent our money and time on a couple of
drinks. I think Showdy creeped me out the
most. Aisha thinks it's funny Rhino and his
assistant are still hanging around together but
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the upsetting thing about all this—besides
losing my cellphone—is what Paul did to us.
"He backstabbed me that stupid good for
nothing hypocrite!" Lisa barks.
Leo pats her back, "Told you the freak was
a jerk!"
"Wonder how much he got paid," says
Abby.
"Whatever guys," I lift up my can for a
toast, it's cranberry, something we all decided
to have in honor of Lisa ever since what
happened, "At least we're alive and I've
escaped being raped by Showdy for a second
time so toast to that!"
"Cheers!" we all say. I can't stop thinking
about my phone. I have pictures in my mind of
them burning it to ashes, trampling on it until
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it's nothing but a pancake, flushing it down the
toilet, eating it, the list is endless. We drink into
the night with Bull and friends and then we all
go home. Aisha comes with us first and hangs
out with me and Asher in his room for some
video games and comics until her mom calls
her.
"Gotta go," she says, putting on that killer
smile with her cute teeth flashing, wanting to
have more fun. It's hard to make her leave so
we kick her out. I drive her home and don't
give her a goodnight kiss, telling her she's late
and really needs to get inside and I know she'll
punch me the next day for it. I just hope things
get good between her and her mom.
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Aisha wakes up the usual six thirty, has her
shower and gets down to the kitchen with her
backpack for breakfast. She throws her
backpack to the couch and scoops a glass for
some orange juice. Her mom places a plate of
pancakes on the table.
"Hi mom, thanks."
"Welcome," she brings some jam to the
table and takes some juice for herself too. "Is
Mr Peter back?"
"Not yet."
"Too bad."
"Too bad you can't keep an eye on what
I'm doing at school anymore?"
"Aisha..."
"I know you had him on the lookout for
me," says Aisha, "It's obvious."
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Her mom sighs and takes a seat next to her.
"We're not getting sentimental, are we?"
says Aisha.
Her mom stares back with regret. "I think
we are."
Aisha begins scratching her eyebrows,
something she does when she feels
uncomfortable, "Well, we can talk later."
"Aisha we have things to talk about, deep
issues and I don't know any other better time
—"
"Keep it short."
Her mom sighs again. Aisha feels bad for
being so defensive. She lets down her guard
and listens, "I'm sorry, Aisha. I'm sorry for all
you've been through, what I made you go
through. I'm sorry I haven't listened to you and
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I'm sorry your dad and I had issues in the past
that we failed to settle."
Aisha beams down at her pancake so she
doesn't see the look in her mom's eyes. Her
hand is all over hers and it's enough to let her
know how much she regrets it.
"I'll listen to you from now. I won't complain
if you're going to see your dad in prison. I've
been overprotective because I thought your
dad might hurt you too and in believing that
I've been the one who's hurting you," tears
swell up in both their eyes and Aisha grabs her
mother for a hug.
"Mom, it's so good to hear you say that!"
"I'm sorry, Aisha. I really am. I've been too
blind to the pain I've put you through and all
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the therapy I thought would help but didn't... I
should've noticed it was all my fault."
"It's all right, mom. All's forgiven."
"And I'm sorry about your uncle—"
"It's okay. My life has changed. I have a
new family now. Of course, you're still my
family and you'll always be."
"I know what you mean... Alex, right?"
"And Lisa, Leo, Asher and Abby is just fun!"
Her mom smiles, "That's good sweetie,
now finish your pancakes and send Alex a kiss
for me."
After our little walk my family and I get to
school and we part ways in the corridor. Leo
and Lisa got an F minus in their science project
but their other projects are so good they do
more than compromise. I open up my locker to
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get my books and pull out my novels I'm
supposed to read. You know that's not gonna
happen. My friends just fill me in and I do the
papers. I just don't read, call me illiterate or
ignorant but I'm just being the Alex I am.
"Hey there!" Aisha calls. I turn to see her in
her black and orange with her arms
outstretched and I'm not sure if this is a hug or
a kiss but the glow in her eyes tells me she's in
a wonderful mood today. I grab her and we kiss
so passionately it's almost wrong if you'd
consider the people begging that we get a
room.
"What's happening? You look overjoyed."
She wraps her finger around my silver
chain, "Well, my mom and I had a talk. It was
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deep, emotional and it really set us free. And
by the way that kiss was from her."
"What!" I can't help but show her how
freaky that sounds. She laughs and pulls me in,
"And this one's mine," and she lays another
kiss on me.
"And this is for last night," I reply and kiss
her back. She giggles, "Oh I remember that
one. I still need to punch you for that."
"Let's get to class before Olivia finds us
here."
I close my locker and take her hand.
"She should be cool with you you saved her
life," says Aisha.
"Wouldn't want to shove that in her face."
We get to class and take our usual seats.
Aisha's eyes are still on fire after her big talk
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today. I flip through my novels and ask her
where we left off. She rolls her eyes, "Like you
even read," and shows me. She's been my
English teacher this entire term and my mom
thinks I've just become a genius ever since St.
Godwin's.
She helps me with all the themes and other
useless, mindless and unnecessary crap we're
taught to analyze just so we can nail a good
grade and get on with our lives. Halfway
through English period when we're jotting
down our discussion points someone walks in.
We're to busy to look up until we hear an, "Ahhem!" We turn and every girl in class starts to
scream like J Sean just stepped in. We are
shocked and so happy to see Mr. Peter in class
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again. The girls are screaming. I have to cup my
ears.
"GUESS WHO'S BACK! GUESS WHO
SURVIVED! I'VE BEEN SHOT AND I LIVE TO
TELL THE TALE!"
"Yeah, shot by a monkey!" Derrick jokes.
"It was a spider-monkey," says Peter, "You
know poisonous they are?"
"Spider-monkeys aren't poisonous," Aisha
has fun pointing that out. Peter makes a big
deal about getting shot and he gives us an
assignment to write about an encounter with a
dangerous and highly poisonous spidermonkey. Aisha can't stop laughing at how
ridiculous it all is. She says she's going to use
actual facts in her story.
"Now... let me see my homework."
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Holy Shit!
*
English was great. I missed Peter a lot more
than I thought I did. Now our classes can be
crazy again. The recess bell goes and I'm outta
my chair in a sec. I head back to my locker and
midway I meet Pizza and the Bear.
"Hey guys!"
"Hey! No text, no email, no Facebook, no
twitter, no Avocado," says Pizza.
"Told you I lost my phone yesterday."
"No hanging out," says the Bear.
I cock my head and raise a brow, "What is
this Emolie?"
"It's the Bear!" he clarifies.
"OK, got it Bear. What's with the
accusations?"
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Pizza pops the balloon here, "You're too full
of you're family to have fun with your friends.
The entire term you have been all about them.
We hardly go out together."
I sigh, "Too big a family guy, huh?"
"Exactly," says the Bear, "I'm your dance
agent remember? I connect you with my folks,
other dancers I know. We're supposed to make
money together winning battles!"
"We have."
"Just 158 rand and two weeks later we
hardly got in touch."
"I'm sorry guys. Really sorry about it. I'm
just so happy with my family. We come a long
way."
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"We know," says Pizza, "But so do we. It
may be just a few months but you and the Bear
are my best friends here. And Aisha too."
Aisha's just come by and she plants a kiss
on my cheek. "Hey guys."
"How can I make it up to you?"
Pizza grins, "First, we hang out every recess
and second we double date. Me and the Bear
with you and Aisha."
Before I can speak Aisha jumps on my
shoulder and says it's perfect.
"Settled," says the Bear, "See you later. We
need to talk about this guy from town who
thinks he's got the killer moves to trash our
throne."
"Sure thing."
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Aisha and I go outside and meet my family
standing by a vending machine and making
jokes about some chick who got dumped in the
middle of a chemistry practical lesson. Even
Asher is there! Aisha hugs him, Leo and Lisa
and when she gives one to Abby she makes a
face so funny it's like she was hugging a statue
of shit.
"Come on, Abby just showing some love,"
says Aisha.
"Keep that love to yourself, thank you...
And I know you're rolling your eyes!"
Asher asks me if I need a new phone. I tell
him I'll wait a while before shopping again. I
can be patient. Aisha pulls out two large
chocolates I gave her and starts telling Abby
how much I love her more. Then Abby pulls out
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five and Aisha is jaw-dropped! She gives me a
look so sharp that I can feel my body splitting
in half.
"Alex, you know this ain't fair!"
"Worry not baby, big daddy over here is
always full of sugar."
She taps the chocolate machine so hard I
fear her fingers might break through the glass,
"I want these now!"
"I'm broke."
"I'll get them for you," Asher volunteers
and pays for her bar. She pecks his cheeks and
sticks her tongue at me. Asher grins. He enjoys
stealing love from my girl!
"I think I'll have a cranberry," Lisa walks
away to the next machine. Her phone beeps
with a message. She picks her cranberry, shifts
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back to her phone to see what it is and she
drops her drink. I know Lisa would never drop
her drink so it's gotta be serious.
"Alex, you need to see this!" she hurries
back, leaving her can on the ground and we all
crowd around her to read what she's just
received. The moment I do a huge lump forms
in my throat. Things just can't get any worse
than this!
*
We spend a quiet lunch at Bull's Park. I'm
staring at a pizza and I weirdly have the saliva
but none of the appetite. Pizza and the Bear
are on the opposite side of our favorite booth,
staring at the hopelessness in my face. My
family have been making up all sorts of crazy
plans to solve our most insane problem yet and
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it's at least gotten me to feel a little better. But
I'm still terrified about what the next twenty
four hours will be like.
"It's gonna be okay," says Aisha.
"We can do anything," says Abby, "We're
family, Alex!"
I pull a smirk and try the pineapple chop off
my pizza, "I know."
"Got any whacky ideas?" Asher asks Lisa.
"This is a matter of life and death, I've gotta
really look up every window to come up with
our best plan."
"You think someone will die?" I ask.
Leo immediately remarks, "That's stupid yo!
No one's gonna end up in a coffin."
"Easy for you to say," says Aisha. Then
everyone turns to her and she blushes like she
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said something entirely stupid and takes it
back. Right then Bull bellows and comes our
way with a bucket of clams.
"Ho Ho Ho! Who's up for clams?"
I don't know about clams but I know it's
always a pleasure to see Bull around. He's a
cool guy.
"I'll have a ton of those!" says Asher.
Everyone picks some clams so I decide to try
some myself. The last time we had them was
on our trip to Mexico this past summer after
Asher got into Scorpion Wanderers. After he
went big, we traveled to more than five
different countries before coming back to
South Africa and trying out schools.
"I've got hot news for you," says Bull. By
the looks on our faces he has our ears tingling
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with curiosity, "I'm planning to break it to
Olivia!"
"WOAH!", "No kidding!", "Man, that's the
principal!", "Good for you Bull!", "We're so
happy for you that is really good news!", "Your
life will be miserable!", "You'll never be the
same again!", "Congratulations Bull!"
For a moment I'm speechless. Leo is very
skeptic about marriage. Lisa teases him, saying
he hasn't got that date yet with Jacqueline and
it's bringing him down. I smile and bring myself
to congratulate Bull.
"That's fantastic," I reach to shake his hand,
"I hope she says yes."
"Thank you! I knew I could count on you
guys-hey, what's the matter with you?" he can
realize there's something wrong.
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"Nothing."
"Don't nothing me, sport. I can tell when a
kid's not okay and you are definitely not okay."
I sigh, "You wanna know? Really?"
"Hey, what are buddies for?"
Okay, since you want it. I'm having a hard
time believing it myself. When Lisa showed us
the message that made her drop her cranberry
—mind you she actually dropped her cranberry
—it was like the worst scenario I'd ever thought
of:
We have your mother, Alex. Yes we do.
What a mistake to drop your phone. If you
wanna see Rosemary Hart or Sarah
(whatever her name is) alive, come alone to
the address below at midnight. Call any cops
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and she is good as dead. And yes, this is our
revenge.
The address below led to a dark alley in
Pretoria, a few blocks away from where Sarah
lived. When I'm done telling Bull his face
comes into a ball and his fists curl until he puffs
it all out of his mouth.
"So that's why..."
"Yeah, that's why."
"Any plan?" Bull props the bucket of clams
on the table and takes a seat, "I'm sure you've
thought of something."
"Nothing good so far," says Abby.
"Asher?" asks Bull.
He shrugs, "If you haven't noticed I'm
supposed to be the stupid one."
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"Rich dumb guy, eh? Lisa? Pizza? Aisha?
Emolie?"
"It's the Bear!" the Bear snaps.
"Right. Well, anything?"
"What's your plan," says Lisa. "By the way
you're asking I'm getting the impression you've
done a little thinking yourself."
Bull grins, "I was gonna get there."
"Eight hours and Alex's assumed mother
will be shot in the head or possibly drowned in
the bathtub," Leo reminds us. Aisha jabs him
for saying it that way. But I'm sure she loves the
violent description.
"Okay," says Bull, "I've got an idea. But I
need your heads in it too. We're gonna have a
rescue mission."
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We spend an hour debating, arguing and
discussing our plan until we finally come up
with something that just might work. A glimmer
of hope. It's going to need everyone's help.
Not just family but also my two best friends
who are more than happy to join our wild
adventures.
*
It's 6:30pm and the Pretoria sun is starting
to set. Rays shoot from behind the trees in the
nearby park. Sarah Morret's home is a descent
triple floored house with an amazing garden. A
white truck is parked outside carrying a new
freezer for Sarah. I'm happy Pizza and the Bear
agreed to act as agents for Samsung freezers—
if they even do make freezers at all. I'm
watching with Asher from a tinted car some
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blocks away so we won't be seen. Bull is up a
hotel room balcony with Abby, making sure
everything goes according to plan. He
messages Pizza:
You ready?
Ready when you are!
Good. It's time for action. Get out and do
your thing!
We all get messages that the show has
begun. I breathe heavily as I watch Pizza and
the Bear come out of the truck that Bull let us
borrow for our rescue mission. They're in white
uniforms with fake Samsung logos on their left
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pockets. All the hours of planning and the thirty
minute drive from Johannesburg is coming
down to this one moment.
"Excited?" says Asher.
"Excited doesn't begin to describe how I
feel!"
"I know. But when this becomes a memory,
it'll be cool. Just like our party with crocodiles,
you almost getting you and your girlfriend
killed on a joyride, punching your English
teacher," he chuckles.
"I'd love to see it that way. But not till this is
over."
"It will be."
Pizza fixes her collar as they get to the door.
"You okay?"
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"Cool as coke," says the Bear. He gives her
a quick kiss and knocks the door. In a
suspicious while they hear footsteps.
"Who is it?"
"Samsung freezer delivery."
"That's not ours you must've mistaken."
"No mistake has been made. This is indeed
where Sarah Y Morret lives."
Reluctantly, Riley comes to open the door.
"She's not here. I'm her new nephew—I mean
nephew. I'm her nephew."
Stupid! "Please sign this for her then," Pizza hands
him a clipboard with some papers. "Would you
mind to help us carry in the freezer?"
Riley takes a look outside like he's
suspicious. He rolls his eyes and follows Pizza
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and the Bear to the truck. They pull out the
freezer but it's too heavy so they call in Rob to
help. Once they haul it in my heart sinks.
They're inside! And it's just the beginning.
"Just lay it right here," says Rob. They
place the new freezer in a decent space in the
kitchen. "And you fellas have to leave now I
suppose."
"Of course," says the Bear. "We're off
now."
"Thank you," says Pizza. "Just get the hell out," says Riley. The Bear
and Pizza beeline to the door as Riley and Rob
escort them.
"Oh, and one more thing," says the Bear,
pretending to have forgotten something.
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"That's a beautiful garden. Did your aunt Sarah
landscape it on her own?"
"We don't know."
Back in the kitchen the freezer opens up
and Lisa and Leo crawl out quietly. Leo is
holding their disastrous science project: the
remote controlled vacuum cleaner.
"Hurry here!" Lisa whispers, urging him to
the doorway next to the stairs. They see Riley
and Rob with their backs turned. Pizza and the
Bear just need to hold them up long enough
so they can sneak upstairs.
"I heard Landon landscapers are the best.
They will have your aunt's garden looking like
paradise. It will shine—"
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"Okay, thank you, thank you for the advice
but we're not into that and we have things to
do right now. It's best you leave," says Rob.
Lisa and Leo scurry up the stairs in time
before the door closes. They hurry up the
corridor and decide to head to the bathroom.
Once they open the door a miserable middleaged woman is tied to a chair and gagged with
duct tape running all over her. At the sight of
her Lisa gasps and Leo pulls her back out. He
drags her into a closet in the nick of time as a
second door on the floor opens. Inside the
closet, standing behind old brooms and mops,
they hear footsteps cross into the washroom.
"Who was it?" says Rhino.
"Just Samsung people coming to deliver a
freezer," says Riley.
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"You backed up well?"
"Yup. You think Alex will come?"
"Does he have a choice? Where's my ass?"
"Sleeping his turn with Showdy."
In the closet Lisa found it all made sense
that they always had someone to keep an eye
on Sarah. That would mean they had to sleep
in turns. Someone had to keep watch too just
incase more freezers turn up.
The footsteps disappear into the washroom
and an eerie silence falls. He's with her. Riley
and Rob stay downstairs and Rhino is keeping
eye on Sarah. Leo updates Bull on what they
know.
Bull forwards the update to me and I'm a
little relieved they're okay. Asher pats my back.
"You know how crazy this all is."
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"Have our lives ever been normal?" he
asks. We know the answer is no. Bull replies to
Lisa.
Time to take the lights out!
"About time," says Leo. "Where's the
socket?"
"There's one here," Lisa points and picks
up the vacuum cleaners plug. She strikes it in
and turns it on. It begins to hum.
"Great," says Leo. "And now the
cranberry." He pulls out a can of cranberry from
his bag and snaps it open. "When this
happens..."
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"Riley and Rob will go check what's wrong
with the power-box, hopefully Rhino will follow
too," says Lisa.
"And if he doesn't we take him down, grab
Sarah and make a run for it!" Leo finishes. Lisa
texts Bull:
It's about to happen!
Good! Emolie and Pizza are coming with
the getaway truck. U need 2 b very quick. Alex
and Asher will back up when they need 2 but
for now, let's keep it simple.
"Do it," says Lisa. The moment Leo tips the
can, cranberry pours onto the machine, sparks
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explode and every light in the house is taken
out.
Pitch black! "What the heck!" Riley barks downstairs.
"What's happening?" says Rhino from the
washroom.
"We're gonna check it out," says Rob. "I
think it's a short circuit."
Leo grips Lisa's hand and it finally dawns on
them that what they're about to do is more
riskier than they thought. "For Alex," Leo
whispers.
"For family."
They get out the closet and barge into the
washroom. Before Rhino can catch a breath Leo
is already all over him with a handkerchief of
chloroform pressed to his nose. Lisa hurries to
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Sarah, pulls out a dagger and starts slashing
through the ropes. Leo and Rhino stumble into
the tub. "Pass out already!" he gasps. Once
Sarah is free Lisa turns and kicks Rhino hard
enough in the head to take him out and he falls
lifelessly into unconsciousness.
"Thank you! Thank you!"
"Shhhh!" Lisa urges her. "There're still
more."
Just then footsteps sound from the corridor.
"Rhino?" Showdy calls.
"Oh no!" Lisa gasps. "He's coming here!"
"Back up against the wall," Leo quickly
drags them to his side and pulls out the key
from the washroom door. "We'll wait for him."
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Lisa begins to take deep breaths and she
feels she's being too loud. Her own fear could
give them away.
"Rhino?" Showdy heads for the washroom
and the moment he opens the door he's meet
with a blow on the back of his head. As he
stumbles Sarah and Lisa escape first and Leo
makes sure Showdy stays down with one more
kick in the face before getting behind the door
and locking him in.
Inside the tinted car I'm tirelessly phoning
Bull who keeps assuring me everything is all
right in there. I wish I was there too but Leo
thought it wouldn't be appropriate for me to
have so much pressure on my shoulders. I
mean, this is the woman who could be my
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I dial with Asher's phone again to make
sure they're okay and then I see Sarah's front
door flinging off it's hinges and Lisa is running
out with a woman and Leo tails behind just as
Pizza and the Bear arrive with the getaway
truck, "LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO! Asher begins to yell and I almost get blown
off my seat from the excitement, "YEAH! WE
DID IT!"
The back of the truck is open and Lisa helps
Sarah in just as Leo gets down the garden.
"HEY!" Riley shouts from the doorway.
"THEY TRICKED US!"
"Kill them!" says Rob.
"LEO, HURRY!" Lisa screams. They're
already in the truck and waiting for Leo to hop
on. Bull is celebrating from the balcony. He's
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jumping up and down with Abby and hugs her
in midair. Asher is hugging me like I'm his long
lost treasure chest and I can't believe this is
happening so well. I don't remember any other
more beautiful moment in my life. And when
it's getting good with Leo down to the truck I
hear a gunshot and my brother goes down.
"NOOOO!"
He rolls over to the road, his head bumping
the tire of our white truck. Lisa jumps out the truck with tears flooding
her face as Riley and Rob step down. Leo is
clutching his arm as the blood turns his sleeve
to crimson while it soaks through. Riley is
pointing his gun at Lisa and she is not moving.
"Go!" Leo pleads.
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"Are you insane? We're family," Lisa cries
out, "No matter what. And family means we
stand for each other even for the most stupid
reasons. No one gets left behind."
Showdy just broke through the washroom
and is down too, as angry as ever. "SHOOT
HER DAMMIT!"
"But she's the sexy one," say Riley. "She
might be useful."
"Kill them all and run!"
His finger is on the trigger and my family's
lives are hanging by a thread. His face turns
into a dark grin and just when he thinks he's
got it, I'm speeding my Volvo through the
fence, up the garden and ragging the damn
ride right into him!
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He drops the gun, "ARGGHHH MOTHER!"
and jumps for his life. I drift the car around as
Lisa steals the chance to help Leo into the van.
Asher opens his door and picks the gun from
the ground. "Let's go, Alex!"
"I'm not going anywhere!"
"What!"
I step out the car stand in front of Rob and
Showdy. My fists are balls and I'm so mad I
think my eyebrows are touching. "You guys are
dead!" It's one thing to try to kidnap my sister,
it's another to abduct the woman who might
be my mother and it's unforgivable to hurt my
family. I can't calculate how fast it happens but I
end up pounding Rob to the ground. Showdy
gets a nice kick from Asher who's more than a
head taller.
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I'm so driven by rage, kicking Riley and
turning my heels to get a nice piece of Rob's
face. He fights back but I don't feel anything.
It's late before I notice my fists are bloody and
Rob is unconscious in my arms. Showdy has his
head in a flowerpot, his tongue over broken
shards and there are blue and red lights
flashing from the streets. When I turn back, Leo
is in an ambulance, Mr. Bull is frantic, the
getaway truck is still there with Pizza and her
boyfriend scared to death and the police are
jogging to me and my brother. I'm panting. I
wipe the blood of my knuckles. There are stains
on my clothes. I've never had one like this
before. It's never been this bloody or hateful.
When the police come to me I'm too tired
to even speak. But they go straight for Rob and
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the rest. Lisa jogs up to me and let's me know
Leo is doing fine. She kisses my cheeks and
repeats with Asher.
"You okay, tiger?" says Asher. "That was
really raw."
"I know... and I don't know"
*
We spend time at the PD, filling in like a
dozen statements. Good enough for us, Sarah
testified our innocence and let them know we
only came to save her. But we had to let them
in on our story too. And that meant breaking
the ice: Sarah could be my real mom!
Fifteen minutes ago a doctor came to the
hospital and took the samples and right now
I'm sitting on a bench next to the Men's toilet
and my eyes are blood red. I feel empty. Looks
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like my mom isn't a supermodel after all. At
first sight I was so convinced. There were
intense similarities in our looks. But the DNA
said different.
Asher is patting my shoulder. Lisa too. And
Abby is always good to cheer me up. At least
I've got them and my friends are with me too.
And Bull too. I guess it's not so bad in light of
their company.
"It's been cool," says Pizza. "I'm sorry she's
not your mom but at least we saved her life so
that should count for something."
"Yeah," says Leo. He's got a sling to
support his arm that got shot. He came from
the hospital only moments ago. "You got to
beat the crap out of somebody in front of the
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cops and not have to go to jail. What more can
life offer?"
I smile. In an ironic way he always has a
point. Asher's phone rings and he hands it to
me. "It's Aisha."
She couldn't join us in our rescue mission.
Her mom called her while we were still
discussing it at Bull's park and she left to help
her cook for some special guests.
"Hey, baby. I'm so sorry. I heard from Lisa
and I'm—"
"It's okay," I say. "I'm fine."
"You're not fine. But you will be. I love you,
Alex. Don't forget that. You have me."
"And our lives are both screw ups," I
chuckle darkly, "Your pop's locked up and my
real parent left me under a bridge and I might
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never find my mom again. I'm sorry. That came
out wrong, I'm really not okay."
"I love you. That's all you need right now."
A smile tears my face in two, "Love you
too."
"Remember how we crashed into the
mayor's pool? How you said you loved me
there?"
"And I remember you screaming. It was
fun."
"I'll never forget that."
"I love to think about the first time we
danced and how we almost kissed until you
started dissing your mom. It's good to know
you're both good."
"I remember our first kiss and how you said
I tasted like Cadbury. The first thing we do
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when we see each other again is kiss,
promise?"
"Promise."
We talk all over the phone on our way back
home. Mom and dad were crazy when they saw
Leo laughing his way inside with a sling. He
was like, "Mom! Dad! I got shot today!" But
hey, that's my brother. There's still school
tomorrow and homework to be done but I
go straight to bed. I think a lot about Sarah Y
Morret, the supermodel who would've been my
mom. I wonder how it would be if she was. But
we can't change the reality. I'll just need to
learn to accept we were wrong. I don't get to
have everything. But I think I already do. I have
friends, my family is the best in the world, my
girlfriend is hot and just awesome, my parents
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are cool, my life is insane and we've got the
funniest principal I've ever known. Yeah, I guess
it's all I need.
*
The next day is the usual walk to school
with my family. I'm still a bit sad from
everything but in time I'll heal. That's what Lisa
keeps telling me.
"I haven't done my art homework, my
physics homework, my photography homework
and Madonna Lisa is a pain in the butt!" says
Abby. "What am I gonna do?"
"When life screws you, screw it back," says
Leo.
"Isn't that like screwing yourself?" says Lisa.
"Nope," says Asher. He decided to join us
today. Maybe to keep my spirits up.
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"I agree," I say, "And it's exactly what I'm
gonna do!"
When we get around the school we see the
craziest thing! The parking lot is crowded and
on the top of the stairs to the main entrance I
see Mr. Bull with Stew Marley's band playing
their music. Everyone's dumped their
backpacks and having fun! "THIS IS LIKE THE BEST DAY IN SCHOOL
EVER!" I yell.
"This is heaven!" Leo gasps. We can't
believe it. WHAT A TREAT! We get to school
and see a band! A BAND! A LIVE CONCERT!
This is the biggest miracle of the year! What
more could life give us? This has got to make
its way to the Guinness books!
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We decide to dump our bags and join in
the fun, mingling with the crowd. I begin to
look for Aisha. I bustle here and there, popping
my nose around and there I see her. Looking
over people's backs for me.
"AISHA!"
She turns to me and the look in her eyes
breaks down every ounce of sadness I've felt.
"ALEX!"
She's in cute black that goes well with her
hair. I run to her and get my hands tight around
her waist. "I love—" She's kissing me before I
say it.
"Sorry I couldn't be there. Is Leo okay?"
"He's good, showing off how much of a
man he—" she pulls me again and I savor the
strawberry lip-balm as we linger in the kiss. I
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have my arm sliding up and down her back and
her hand is pressing my face as she
clenches me collar and I just fall for the
great rhythm we share. There's nothing that
can keep us apart. Pizza and the Bear come
around too and remind us about the doubledate we have tonight.
And when the music is getting good Olivia
storms out of her office and gets onstage. She
glares at the scene like the worst abomination
has just occurred and grabs the mic from Stew.
"WHO DID THIS... WHO DID THIS AND
DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT IT. WHO INVITES MY
FAVORITE BAND AND DOESN'T TELL ME?"
The crowd bursts into laughter. Bull takes a
step and pics a mic, "I did."
"YOU?"
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"Olivia, I have something to ask of you
today," says Bull. He steps closer.
"OMG, he's gonna break the ice!" says
Pizza. Aisha is gripping me from the tension.
The place has gone quiet and we all watch as
Bull kneels before Olivia and opens a case with
a diamond ring.
"Before the entire family of students and
teachers, I ask you honey, will you kiss me at
the altar?"
Please say yes, please say yes for the man's
sake. He must be wetting his pants now.
"Well, if it didn't take you so damn long
Bullseye!"
Bull is so happy he practically lifts her off
her feet. Stew comes back to the mic, "And
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this one's for the newly engaged. To Mr. Bull
and Olivia!"
As he puts the ring on her the band plays a
new song that gets us all hippy and rocking to
the music.
everybody dance
everybody heal
everybody love and
everybody feel!
"This stuff doesn't happen at school,"
Asher shouts to me.
"Only at Godwin's," says Aisha. The music
is great and our feet are kicking into the rhythm
and we just keep moving and dancing and
having fun and letting go. It's the best day at
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school ever! And yes it is time I wrap up again:
the rest of the term we play it cool because
we've had enough trouble to last us a lifetime.
The bad guys are behind bars again,
Jacqueline thinks Leo is a hero for taking a
bullet and they're officially dating now—which
is really cool. Asher is a bit sad the player days
are over for him and Leo, unless he finds
another wingman or hopefully, the perfect girl
will walk into his life like she did to mine. My
mom is not a supermodel but I've got
everything I need. And the fun, the fire, the
dancing, the heat, the love, the kisses, the life
and the family and the music is so healing I
don't think I'll feel the pain.
Abby shows up and pushes Aisha away with
her hip. Aisha returns the push back and I
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watch as they fight, wondering if peace is ever
gonna be compatible with them. Lisa hugs me
out of nowhere and kisses my cheek. "See?
All's well that ends well!"
I'm smiling and I put my arm around her,
"Thanks for everything. I love you, Lisa."
She grins and puts her shoulder on my
head, "Love you too, Alex. Always."
And then she pops open her cranberry.
"Family, right?"
"Yeah," she smiles, it's never been about
anything more. "Family!"
*THEIR STORY WILL GO ON IN YOUR
HEART*
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*THANK YOU*
Acknowledgement sounds like such a big
boring word so I'm sticking with the basic thank
you.
You all mean so much to me.
Flora, Chrisantus, Dorcas and Moureen (and
many others at school) thanks so much for
reading MMAS and even fighting for it. Thank
you Norbert for always asking me about my
writing life from time to time. And for your
advice of course.
Prince Blaka, you always look out for me. Bless
you dearly.
Thanks to Lapsco (Philip) for Abby's awesome
rap lyrics in episode 7. And your faith in me
from day one. You da man!
Brian, little bro, I told you I'd make some
money with all the time I spent writing and
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being so boring. Here's to you for believing in
me all the way.
Mom, you are always the best! I can't wait to
bring you with me to one of my book signings!
Thank you Ms. Janet, my very special English
teacher who I love dearly, you really nurtured
my dream. Thanks for proofreading Iris for me
back then when I was a kid and clueless about
so much and for always telling me the great
things about me. I bless all of you with long
days full of bliss and color and stars.
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TUNNELS
secret, truth, hunter, dreams, power
When you think of a love story
you think of a boy and a girl
and a fit of hormones. Have you ever thought of a story
of a man and his heart,
and a fit of secrets?
That would forever change his life
and of those who knew the secret. There are two ways to write about love:
One is a love story
The other is a story of love The truth lies in both
But the secret lies in one. !
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A secret that could change everything
the world perceived—even you.
And the man chosen to find it is about to
die
Read his story... you might just save his
life
...and yours as well!
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Tunnels is a story about the life he never
saw, the love he never felt, the world he
didn't understand and the secret power he
came to know. And the story he decided to
write.
It's the same story about the water you
may not know, the fire you've never touched,
the color you've never seen in the sky and
the most precious truth that even you must
find. Or die like you never lived.
Tunnels is available in print but you can
read it for FREE right now, plus you also get
listed for awesome updates via email.
Click here to join Stories with Douglas R
list (name of list may change) and get
Tunnels as a bonus and a thank you for
reading MMAS.
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Or use this link: http://eepurl.com/Ea03X
Thank You. !
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi! I'm Douglas R!
Thanks for reading My Mom's
a Supermodel! I appreciate it
a lot. Here are a few things
about me that matter more
than where I live:
I love to read.
I love pizza.
Nature.
Alternative music.
Dogs.
Joy.
Christmas.
Friends.
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And you too for being an amazing part of my
life safari.
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