for him! - The Greeting Place

New!
... for him!
Because women aren’t
the only ones with issues
Fall 2010
Card #01026 - Magnet
#11021
My therapist told me the
way to achieve inner
peace was to finish thin
gs I had started.
Today I finished 2 bags
of potato chips and
a chocolate cake. I fee
l better already.
Card #01046
Ever notice how
all of women’s problems
start with men?
(List)
Card #01053
Five Stages of Female
Life
To grow up.
To fill out.
To slim down.
To hold it in.
To heck with it!
Card #01069
Why can’t I get a little
ahead,
instead of just a bigger
behind?!
Card #01074
Card #01067
Card #01072
en…
Embarrassing my childr
offer.
I
e
vic
ser
re
mo
one
t
jus
what a
I wish you had told me
went!
I
ore
bef
bikini wax was
Okay, this is how it wo
rks…
You tell me I look too thin
,
and I say I love what you
’ve
done with your hair.
What are friends for?!
Card #01076
Card #01075
I am recovering from pla
stic
the shoe store cut up my surgery –
credit card.
1
picture Hurry up and take the
me!
ing
kill
my thong is
Card #01077
I can share my deepes
t secrets with you
because you are my bes
t friend.
And because you won’t
remember them anywa
y!
Card #01080
pickle
Well, isn’t that just the
on the crap sandwich
that is my day?!
Card #01087
… so, after seeing her
boyfriend
America’s Most Wanted, on
she turned him in,
collected the reward,
Card #01081
and ran off with the poo
l boy.
d cook.
goo
a
be
to
e
hav
’t
don
I
The End.
I’m a trophy wife.
Card #01093
Senility Prayer
Card #01092
Card #01091
t.
I love you with all my but
I would say heart,
but my butt is bigger.
Card #01094
Card #01097
Chocolate is my pimp.
God grant me the senility
to
forget the people I nev
er liked,
the good fortune
to run into the ones I do
like,
and the eyesight
to tell the difference.
I’m one bad relationship
away from becoming
that crazy cat lady
down the street.
Card #01096
I color my hair so much,
my driver’s license has
a color wheel.
Do you know why
the menopausal woman
crossed the road?
To kill the chicken.
Card #01099
My new diet goal:
To weigh what my
driver’s license says.
Card #01098
Just a note to say hello.
Thought you could use
a little “lift”.
Card #01101
Card #01100
If stress burned calories,
we’d both be supermode
ls!
I work at Hooter’s ...
...in the kitchen.
2
Card #01103
Dear God,
So far today, I am doing
all right.
I have not gossiped, los
t my temper,
been greedy, grumpy,
selfish or
self-indulgent. I have not
whined,
cursed, or eaten any cho
colate.
However, I am going to
get out of bed
in a few minutes, and I
will need a lot
more help after that.
Card #01102
Amen.
showsI love watching reality
tty normal!
pre
k
loo
they make my life
New!
New!
New!
New!
Card #01106
Card #01104
Pessimists say the cup
is half empty.
Optimists say the cup
is half full.
I say, either way,
it’s not going to be eno
ugh coffee.
I’m on two diets.
The first one just wasn’
t
giving me enough food.
Card #01107
Card #01105
New!
I’m putting a cork
t.
under my pillow tonigh
,
day
zy
cra
a
n
bee
It’s
it
and I’m hoping for a vis
from the Wine Fairy.
I have CDO.
It’s like OCD,
but all the letters
are in alphabetical order,
like they should be!
New!
Card #01108
Only real friends
can laugh for hours
about something,
stop laughing,
realize they forgot what
ut...
they were laughing abo
der!
and then laugh even har
3
Card #01109
I don’t want to brag or
anything...
but I can still fit into
the earrings I wore in hig
h school
.
11022
Card #01515 - Magnet
m as chin hairs.
I refuse to think of the
.
Card #01504 - Magnet
them as stray eyebrows
11014 I think of
Life is short.
Live it up!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I had to give up jogging
for my health.
My thighs kept rubbing
tog
and setting my pantyhose ether
on fire.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #01539
Card #01529 - Magnet
11036
I have everything I had
20 years ago.
Except now it’s all lower.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #01520 - Magnet
11023
11037
Card #01531 - Magnet
of time
These days I spend a lot
ter.
eaf
her
the
ut
abo
g
thinkin
get
to
e
her
I go somew
wonder
something, and then I
er.
aft
e
her
what I’m
Birthdays are like underp
ants.
They creep up on us
from behind, and we hop
e
they don’t show too mu
ch.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
11045
Card #01542 - Magnet
Girls gone wide!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
3
Card #01548
Card #01544
rcut
Never give yourself a hai
s.
rita
rga
ma
ee
after thr
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #01546
A woman never forgets
her age…
once she decides what
it is.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
At 20, we worry about
of us.
what other people think
ut
At 40, we don’t care abo
us.
of
k
thin
ple
peo
what other
en’t been
hav
y
the
lize
rea
we
,
At 60
thinking of us at all.
Thinking of you now!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #01553
Be who you are
and say what you think.
Because those that min
d, don’t matter.
And those that matter,
don’t mind.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
4
Card #01556
Card #01555
You’re charming, funny,
smart, and personable.
tell us apart!
Sometimes I just can’t
I hope this card isn’t too
funny.
I understand people you
r age
pee pretty easily.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #01560
Card #01558
Livin’ the dream!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Three words you hate to
the day after your birthda hear
y bash…
Cell.
Phone.
Camera.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #01563
Winestoppers…
who has wine
left over to “stop” ?!
Card #01561
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
When did our “wild oat
s”
turn into “shredded wh
eat”?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #01564
As you get older,
remember that true bea
uty
comes from within…
...from within bottles, jar
s,
compacts and tubes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #01565
Keep your chins up y!
it’s just another birthda
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #01569
Card #01566
Don’t fear getting older.
ffic
Fear getting stuck in tra
after 2 cups of coffee
and a bran muffin.
5
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Do you ever have the fee
ling
that the rest of the wo
rld
is just a couple of
cocktails behind?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #01573
Card #01572
hdays,
I’ve stopped having birt
ts.
sen
pre
but I still want the
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Act someone else’s age
!
Card #01576
Card #01574
like you!
I don’t deserve a friend
e
Of course, I don’t deserv
er…
my mother’s thighs eith
Happy Birthday anyway!
You’re one step closer
to being the old lady
sing home!
causing trouble in the nur
Card #01575
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
The 12-Step Chocoholics
Program
Never be more than 12
steps
away from chocolate!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #01577
Just like a fine wine,
you improve with age.
Or do you just
improve with more win
e?
New!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
either way!
New!
Card #01580
Most people your age
want to grow old with dig
nity.
But it doesn’t look like
you’re gonna let that hap
pen!
Card #01578
It’s your birthday!
LAUGH your glasses off
!
New!
Card #01582
Card #01579
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I do not have gray hairs.
.
I have stress highlights
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
New!
Card #01583
rs
At our age,
A birthday can do wonde
“friends with benefits”
for a person...
means health, dental, and
keys?
401K !
Wonder where I left my
se already?
Wonder if I washed the
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
this room?
Wonder why I came in
thday!
Have a WONDERFUL Bir
Card #01581
New!
It’s your birthday!!
Card #01584
I decided to try and
tching”.
“dance like no one is wa
tching,
wa
Turns out someone was
zure,
sei
a
for
g
mistook my dancin
.
911
led
cal
and
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
6
New!
New!
Card #02030
tools
A man needs only two
:
hop
rks
wo
his
in
WD-40 and duct tape.
New!
it should,
If it doesn’t move and
.
-40
WD
the
use
uldn’t,
If it does move and it sho
e.
tap
t
duc
the
use
Card #02031
Men love to barbeque.
Men love to cook
when danger is involved!
New!
New!
New!
Card #02530
First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
Next you forget to pull
your zipper up.
And finally, you forget
to pull it down.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #02532
Card #02531
Give a man a fish,
.
and he will eat for a day
,
fish
Teach him to
and he will sit in a boat,
and drink beer all day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
7
My car absolutely will not
run
unless my golf clubs
are in the trunk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #02533
A birthday cake is
the only food you can
blow on and spit on,
and everybody rushes
to get a piece!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Magnet #11005
Magnet #11007
Magnet #11012
Magnet #11009
Magnet #11013
Magnet #11014
Magnet #11015
Magnet #11021
Magnet #11016
Magnet #11022
Magnet #11028
Magnet #11026
Magnet #11029
Magnet #11027
Magnet #11025
Magnet #11030
!
!
Magnet #11031
! #
#
"
Magnet #11034
Magnet #11035
Magnet #11037
8
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Greeting Cards & Gifts
New Look!
New
Designs!
Real Pets,
Real Photos Real Life!
Summer 2010
Card #04062 - Magnet #14005
Card #04060 - Magnet #14001
If you think dogs can’t count,
try putting three dog treats
in your pocket,
and then giving your dog
only two of them.
Card #04061 - Magnet #14003
New rhinestone collar - $20.00
Day at doggie day spa - $75.00
Tommy Holedigger cologne - $100.00
It’s great to be a dog…
because if you gain weight,
it’s somebody else’s fault!
Look of envy in other dogs eyes –
PRICELESS.
Card #04065 - Magnet #14025
Card #04064 - Magnet #14011
Card #04063 - Magnet #14009
I don’t do mornings.
No outfit is complete
without a few cat hairs.
There is no snooze button
on a cat who wants breakfast.
Card #04068
Card #04066
We wonder why dogs always
drink out of our toilets…
But look at it from their point of view why do humans keep
peeing in our water bowls?!
Card #04069
1
If you don’t speak to
your cat about catnip,
who will?
Just wanted to say
Card #04067 - Magnet #14027
HI!
Dogs are not our whole life,
but they make our life whole.
Card #04071
Card #04070
Life is GOOD!
No matter how little money,
or how few possessions you own,
having a dog’s love
makes you rich.
Card #04073 - Magnet #14030
Card #04072 - Magnet #14010
Cat’s aren’t clean…
“Because I’m the cat,
that’s why!”
Do I look like a
freakin’ people person?!
Card #04078
Handle every stressful situation
like a dog.
If you can’t eat it or play with it,
pee on it and walk away.
I thought about you today…
and I liked it so much,
I’m going to do it again tomorrow!
they’re just covered with cat spit.
Card #04075
Card #04074
Card #04076
Sometimes it’s better
not to think
“outside the box”…
Card #04077
How’s everything
on your end?
Card #04079
Card #04530 - Magnet #14012
I’d rather spend time
doing nothing with you,
Some days you’re the dog,
some days you’re the hydrant.
than doing something
with anyone else.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #04532
As one cat said to another…
Card #04531
Together forever
in our hearts.
Birthdays are like fur balls –
the more you have,
the more you gag.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #04533 - Magnet #14021
Cat’s motto:
No matter what you’ve done wrong,
always try to make it look
like the dog did it.
2
Card #04535
Card #04534
Hope you’re
feeling better soon!
We are smiling!
It’s your birthday…
party like someone forgot
to close the gate!
Card #04540
Still cool
after all these years!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #04539
Good things come
to those who are patient.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #04541
It’s your birthday –
Thanks for taking care of me!
Card #04542
have a ball!
I got you this present…
May all your dreams come true!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #04543
HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
3
So sorry for your loss.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #04538
Card #04537
Card #04536
Wild Thing!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card #04544
It’s just another birthday –
roll with it!
Card #04545
CONGRATULATIONS
on your new
bundle of joy!
5
6
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