March 2010 www.IONAZ.cOm 1

Transcription

March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 1
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www.IONAZ.com March 2010
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QUEEN OF THE DESERT PAGEANT
THE ROCK
Photos by Carlos Silvo
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March 2010
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MORE PICTURES AT IONA Z.COM
Super Bowl Party
Photos by Mike Chesworth
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March 2010
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New Partnerships.
New Beginnings. Better Community.
They say it’s never too late to get
a fresh start. I couldn’t agree more.
Today is a new beginning.
I’m the first to admit that we’ve made
some mistakes in the last 8 1/2 years
we have been publishing ION. I apologize. Every issue of ION is a positive
learning experience for myself and our
staff. In any business, difficult decisions
have to be made. Sometimes feelings
get hurt. Business evolves. But the ultimate goal remains the same: to create
the best GLBT magazine for you that
we can. That, I don’t apologize for.
One of my new goals for the future is to
work together with other individuals and
organizations to help grow our community during these tough times. One
of the great results of our merger with
Heatstroke News is that now we can
work together with their staff, advertisers and consolidate our resources.
We invite all publications, promotion
companies, GLBT businesses and gayfriendly companies to work together.
Here a some of the changes you’ll see
in the months to come:
• We have added 80 new 24-hour
street distribution locations bringing our
total to over 200 locations.
• This spring we will launch the new
MyHeatstroke.com. All the news, laughter, drama you always loved and more!
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• We’re planning the biggest Splash
Bash ever. Stay tuned for more details.
• ION Arizona is a sponsor of the Devoured Culinary Classic at the Phoenix
Art Museum on March 13 -14. See the
feature on page 54.
• ION Arizona is the exclusive local
media and a Hail Mary Sponsor for the
2010 Gay Bowl X this October
We invite all of you to join ION Arizona
at the Arizona Renaissance Festival’s
Gay Day 2010 on March 7th. For one
day, we all speak Olde English, eat
huge turkey drumsticks, and participate
in games and shows you won’t see
any where else. I guarantee it’s the
most fun you will ever have in Apache
Junction.
This is a great issue! We have the
sexiest bartenders, all the St. Patrick
Day parties, a hilarious interview with
“weblebrities” Jessica and Hunter as
well as an expanded Dining Out section
featuring Devoured and the Roscoe’s
Chili Bowl cook-off.
Next month is our expanded Phoenix
Pride issue that, for the first time ever,
will include the actual Phoenix Pride
Program. Make no mistake about it.
ION Arizona is here for you. Promise!
Jack Tesorero
Publisher
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 19
3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012
(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939
www.IONAZ.com
[email protected]
Publisher / FOUNDER
Jack M. Tesorero - Ext. 5 ........... [email protected]
FUN DIRECTOR
Bill Knoop .............................................. (602) 301-8457
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... [email protected]
Editor AND TYPIST
Deon Brown - Ext. 3 .................. [email protected]
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT
Craig Rubin ................................. [email protected]
GRAPHIC DESIGNER
Brock Miles ......................... [email protected]
PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS
[email protected]
Advertising Sales
Jorge Suarez, Ext 2 ..................... [email protected]
Photographers:
Jerry O’Conner
Carlos Silvo
Don Thompson
Michael Chesworth
National Advertising Representative
Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863
ContributORS:
Wes Bergman
Addison DeWitt
Jackson David Kelly
Peter Lora
Justin Gonzales
Ted Kirby
Kim Ruff
Paul Sanchez
To Grow your business,
call (602) 308-4662 ext 2
Published monthly by
© 2010 Tesorero Omni Media
a JMT Designs, Inc. company
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN THE USA
All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine
remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.
NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its
parent company.
Publication of the name or photograph of any person or
organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as
any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or
organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed
and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some
photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge,
they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to
reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call
us immediately and we will remove it from future publications.
All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are
published with the understanding that the advertisers are
fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the
use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person,
and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of
such content.
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www.IONAZ.com
March 2010
1995-2010: 15 Years of Design and Creative Excellence
March 2010 www.IONAZ.com 21
He’s a Rebel
Boi Toi
To infinity, and beyond! Who said you were too
old to play with toys? Come play every Thursday
Night at Sky Lounge. It is 18+ all night, 21+ to drink, so all the kids can come play no
matter what their bed time is. And with all the playing going on, just think, you may even
find a new friend to build a fort with, or play hide and go seek! Every Thursday night
at Sky Lounge. 132 E. Washington St., Phoenix. For more info visit
boitoient.com
Malice in Wonderland
One pill makes you larger and the other makes you
small, the one your mother gives you don’t do anything
at all. Forget the pills and head on down the rabbit hole
to BS West on Saturday March 13 for their Malice in
Wonderland Party. With 2-4-1 drinks all night long it might
be hard to remember what the dormouse said...drink your
head! 7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale. For more info call 480945-9028.
The Hose
Some call it brunch, some call it
an excuse to drink copious amounts
of adult beverages in the middle of the day without the
risk of getting judged, and some call it a Tea Dance.
Head on over to The Rock on Sunday March 28 for their
monthly Tea Dance. The Hose, which takes place on the
last Sunday of every month is giving you ample reasons to
indulge in a little hair of the dog with $3 margaritas, mimosas,
and bloody mary’s. The Hose goes from 1 p.m. - 6 p.m., so
don’t worry, you’ll be home before dark. 4129 N. 7th Ave.,
Phoenix. For more info visit therockdmphoenix.com
Less Barking, More Wagging
Who you calling a Bitch? Oh you’re dog, OK! Head on over to Apollo’s
with man’s best friend on Sunday March 28 for Less Barking More
Wagging. The lovely Barbara Seville presents this fundraiser for
the Arizona Cocker Rescue. From 2 p.m. - 8 p.m. there’s a meet
and sniff for all the dogs, gourmet treats, an auction, and an
adopt-a-dog pet show! Later in the night there is a drag show
with Mimi the One-Eyed Wonder Dog! With all the barkin’
going on at Apollo’s, people will be wondering “who let the
dogs out?!” 5749 N/ 7th St., Phoenix. For more info visit
apollos.com
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www.IONAZ.com February 2010
Britney who? Calling all rock
stars, this party is for you! Rock
and roll on over to icepics
videobar March 30 (and the
last Tuesday of every month)
for He’s a Rebel! The DJ’s
will be spinning Punk, New
Wave, Rock & Roll and there
is a $0.50 beer bust with Bud
Light Drafts to quench your
thirst. This dance party will
be so much fun it will make
you wanna rock & roll all night,
and party everyday. 3108 E.
McDowell Rd., Phoenix. For more
info visit icepicsvideobar.com
march 2010 ION EVENTS LISTINGS
DATEEVENT & LOCATION
CITY
Check out bar and nightclub ads in this issue for daily & weekly specials!
2
Weds.
4-7
Thurs.
7
7
7
13
13
13-14
17
17
18
19-20
20
21
25
26
28
30
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Mustache Ride at icepics (monthly- First Tuesday) Karamba’s Got Talent (weekly)
Southwest Leather Pride - Velocity, Apollo’s & More
Boi Toi at Sky Lounge (weekly)
Oscar Viewing Party / SNATCH at icepics
Oscar Party at Forbidden
A Red Carpet Affair - Oscar Party at Amsterdam
Malice in Wonderland at BS West
Cactus Cities’ Chili Cookoff at Roscoe’s
Devoured Culinary Classic
Johnny Mc’s Reunion at Apollo’s St. Patrick’s Day Celebrations Everywhere Inferno TOGA Party at Forbidden
Spring Fling Party at Dick’s Cabaret
Black Out Party IV at BS West
Mike’s B’day Bash at The Rock
Sports Party at Karamba
Alice in Wonderland GLOW Party at Forbidden
The Hose at The Rock (Monthly - Last Sunday)
He’s a Rebel at icepics (Monthly - Last Tuesday)
Dottie’s Farewell Party at Cruisin’ 7th
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Scottsdale
Phoenix
Scottsdale
Phoenix
Phoenix Art Museum
Phoenix
Phoenix
Scottsdale
Phoenix
Scottsdale
Phoenix
Phoenix
Scottsdale Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
February 2010 www.IONAZ.com 23
Art Detour
“I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like.” We hear
it all the time. Art Detour is a two-day, self-guided tour of artist
studios and other art spaces in downtown Phoenix organized by
Artlink, Inc. in cooperation with the participating venues. It’s a great
way to see new, emerging artists, see downtown, and have fun! And it’s
FREE! March 6-7. Visit www.ArtlinkPhoenix.com for more info.
Great Arizona Beer Festival
Hey, guys! Want some great head? Who doesn’t!? So hit the
Great Arizona Beer Festival March 6-7 at Tempe Beach Park.
With a paid admission you can sample up to 40 delicious microbrewed and specialty craft beers. Enjoy food, music, games,
contests and more! But no Beer Pong.
For tix visit AZbeer.com/tempe. 21+ only.
A famous queen said, “Let ‘em eat cake.” And so did Marie Antoinette. Have your cake – along with various other delicacies – and
eat it, too, at Devoured: Phx Culinary Classic. A plethora of local
restaurateurs, chefs, and other inventive local eateries show you
the way to a man’s – and woman’s – heart is through their stomach.
It all happens at the Phoenix Art Museum March 13-14. For tix and a
list of participating restaurants go to www.PhxArt.org/Devoured.
FEBRUARY 2010 ION around town listings
DATE 1-30
6-7
6-7
6-7
7
thru 12
12-14
12-14
13
13-14
13-14
20-21
20-21
26
26-28
26-28
thru 28
24
ARTIST / EVENTLOCATION
Cactus League Baseball
Art Detour
Great Arizona Beer Festival
Heard Museum Indian Fair & Market
Melrose on 7th Street Fair
Exotic Art Show - Alwun House
Ostrich Festival at Tumbleweed Park
Scottsdale Arts Festival at the Center for the Arts
St. Patrick’s Day Parade & Faire at Hance Park
Litchfield Art & Culinary Festival
Glendale Folk & Heritage Festival
Arizona Antique Show
Agave on the Rocks
Tempe Festival of the Arts
WorldFEST at Heritage Square
Arizona Renaissance Festival
Various Ballparks
Downtown Phoenix
Tempe Beach Park
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Chandler
Scottsdale
Phoenix
Phoenix Art Museum
Downtown Litchfield Park
Sahuaro Ranch Park, Glendale
AZ State Fairgrounds
Desert Botanical Gardens
Mill Ave. - Tempe
Phoenix
Apache Jctn.
Flogging Molly
It’s St. Patrick’s Day and everybody’s Irish! And you’re not even
a little bit Irish unless you’ve seen Flogging Molly. It’s practically
mandatory here. Along with heavy drinking. This boisterous,
crowd-pleasing, seven-piece Los Angeles band plays American Punk
Rock music with a Celtic flair. So much fun you’ll probably feel like fighting
afterwards. Catch these hooligans March 17 at the Marquee Theatre, 730 N. Mill Ave. in
Tempe. 480-829-0707 or get tix on www.luckymanonline.com
Symphonic Star Wars
C’mon, all you Wookies! Grab your favorite Stormtrooper, get in
your Nebulon-B frigate and fly over to Phoenix Symphony Hall
for Symphonic Star Wars! See the sexy (we’re not kidding here.
He’s really hot!) conductor John Moody conduct the classic John
Williams’ scores from the beloved Star Wars pictures March 2628. Leave your lightsabers and Ewoks at home, please. 75 N. 2nd
St. Phoenix. Info: 602-262-7272
The Black Eyed Peas
I gotta feelin’ ... that tonight’s gonna be a good night. So why
don’t you get your lovely lady lumps and your humps to
the Jobing.com Arena in beautiful Glendale! Fergalicious,
Will.I.Am and the gang are gonna shake it ‘til they break it!
9400 E. Maryland Ave. For tix call 800-745-3000 or visit
www.TicketMaster.com
March 2010 ION Concert Calendar
DATE ARTIST / EVENTLOCATION
3-4
4
6
7
7
11
11-13
17
19
21
23
26
26-28
28
31
APRIL
4
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March 2010
Jazz Divas
Jan Sandwich Trio
Ronnie Milsap
The DelRayz
The Hendrix Experience
Steve Tyrell Cool Like That
Flogging Molly
Joe Bonamassa
Big Nick & the Gila Monsters
Ray Davies
Roseanne Cash
Symphonic Star Wars
Paul McCartney
The Black Eyed Peas
Kerr Cultural Ctr.
Mesa Arts Center
Chandler Ctr. for the Arts
Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts
Mesa Arts Center
Mesa Arts Center
Kerr Cultural Ctr.
Marquee Theatre
Orpheum Theatre
Scottsdale Ctr. for the Arts
Dodge Theatre
Phx. Symphony Hall
Jobing.com Arena
Jobing.com Arena
480-596-2660
480-644-6500
480-782-2680
480-994-2787
480-644-6500
480-644-6500
480-596-2660
480-829-0707
602-379-2888
480-994-2787
602-379-2888
480-994-2787
602-262-7272
623-772-3800
623-772-3800
Alice Tatum
480-994-2787
March 2010
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by Jackson David Kelly
[email protected]
Yo, DJ!
What’s New?
March begins an onslaught of new music.
In addition to these, find new material from
Danny Gokey, Peter Gabriel, Lifehouse, Alice
in Wonderland soundtrack, Jason Derulo,
Jamie Cullum, Armin Van Buuren (greatest),
Goldfrapp and tentative Usher. And as a side
note, those expecting Christina Aguilera in
March will now have to wait until April.
Madonna
Sticky & Sweet
Filmed in Buenos Aires
over a four day stint, see
why Madonna continues
to be one of music’s most
respected artists in history.
Penned as the most
successful concert by a
solo artist and second
highest grossing of all time behind the Rolling
Stones, Madonna’s $408m trek finally sees
light on CD, DVD and first time BluRay
formats. See Madonna serenade the crowd
in her moving version of “Don’t Cry for me
Argentina” as well as 30 additional minutes
not originally aired. For those that missed this
spectacle and Billboard’s Top Tour of 2009,
now’s your chance.
Gorillaz
Plastic Beach
The infamous Rock
cartoon gods are back
with their third release.
Considered to be their
most pop/commercial
album to date, Plastic
Beach showcases a bold
move to electro-pop and
an album with lyrics and melodies that are
“comprehendible.” Loaded with 16 tracks,
find diverse collaborations from the likes of
Snoop Dog, Lou Reed, Mos Def, and De La
Soul. First track “Stylo” sleeks with its slow,
pulsating and almost Pet Shop Boys lure
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while Mos Def shines on “Sweepstakes;” the
track that he calls his finest work. Inspired by
plastic rubbish found on a beach, this album
gives a whole new dimension to a realm that
can only be described as eclectic.
Amy MacDonald
A Curious Thing
After selling three million
copies of “This is the
Life,” Amy is ready to
prove why she’s one of
UK’s best. Though not a
household name in the
US (yet), MacDonald
continues the same
formula in her debut (and one of my favorite
albums in years). First single “Don’t Tell Me”
is a knee slappin’ jam with a hint of Scottish
twang, much in the vain of KT Tunstall, as is
the uplifting song “Ordinary Life.” And then
there’s “No Roots,” a song with an acoustic
and haunting opening that later gives way
to a foot-stomping session. If you haven’t
been introduced yet, now consider yourself
acquainted!
Groove Armada
Black Light
Groove Armada takes a
180 degree turn to bring
you their newest sound,
one that can be perfectly
described as a combo of
rock from the late 70s and
new wave from the early
80s. Part Depeche Mode,
part Psychedelic Furs and part Cure, Black
Light is an album you’ll love right away or will
grow to love after a few listens. Lead track
“I Won’t Kneel” channels Kate Bush while
“Paper Romance” sounds something right off
of MGMT’s album. And then there’s “Time &
Space,” this album’s best track and a song
that can be called almost perfect.
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Snatch: An Act of
Drag Terrorism!
You can always expect the unexpected when
you go to one of Pandora Productions wild
and zany performances. Snatch: An Act of
Drag Terrorism! will shock and amaze you!
Titillate and delight you! Packed with a powerhouse of talent, it stars Pandora DeStrange,
Savannah Stevens, Olivia Gardens, and a cast
of thousands! Well, at least six or seven more.
It all happens on Sunday, March 7 at 8 p.m. 3108
E. McDowell Rd. Phone: 602-267-8707.
www.icepicsvideobar.com
MARCH 2010 ION DRAG LISTINGS
DATE TIME LOCATIONSHOW / PERFORMER(S)
First & Third Tues.
10:00p
BS West
Hookers In Hose with Kiki Vermont
Second & Fourth Tues. 10:00p
BS West
Heroine Chic with Mya & Naomi
Mondays 7:00p
Apollo’s
Drag Race Viewing Party
Tuesdays
10:30p
Karamba
Susana’s Show
Wednesday
10:30
Cruisin’ 7th
Judy & Dottie Steppin’ Out
Wednesdays
10:00p
Charlie’s
Claudia B. & Company
Wednesdays
10:30p
Karamba
Diamond Dallas Hosts...
Thursdays
10:30p
Pumphouse II
Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah
Thursdays
9:30p
Amsterdam
Icons Live w/ Mya McKenzie & Kiki Vermont
Thursdays
10:30p
Karamba
Susana’s Show
3rd Thurs.
8:00p
Forbidden
Ruby ‘n’ Friends
Fridays
10:30p
Cruisin’ 7th
TGIF with Devina Ross
Saturdays
10:30p
Cruisin’ 7th
Dream Girls with Regina Gazelle
Saturdays
10:00p
The Rock
Diamond Dolls with Mya McKenzie
Saturdays
10:00p
icepics
The Follies Comedy Drag Show
Saturdays 10:00p
Forbidden
The Barbra Seville Show
Saturdays
9:30p
Charlie’s
Pussy’s Patio Show
Saturdays
10:30p
Pumphouse II
Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah
Third Saturdays
1:00p
Cruisin’ 7th
Native American Revue
1st & 2rd Sundays
12:30p
Cruisin’ 7th
Sunday Morning Madness
Sunday 14th
8:00p Apollo’s T.C Taylor’s That Time Of The Month Show
Sunday 14th
TBD
Forbidden
Staff Turnabout Show
Sunday 21st
8:00p
Apollo’s
Brandon Packer/Luke Mighway TTofTM
Sundays
8:30p
Charlie’s
Pussy LeHoot & Friends
Sundays
10:30p
Karamba
Galilea’s Show
Second Sunday
8:00p
Apollo’s
That Time of The Month with Dottie
Sunday 28th
8:00p
Apollo’s
Barbra Seville Cocker Rescue Benefit
To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to [email protected]
Included events must be 1) Charity Benefit OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser
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March 2010
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Mr. & Miss Phoenix Pride
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Photos by Deon Brown
March 2010
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To Seduce a Prince
... She Will Destroy a Kingdom!
Last year Nearly Naked Theatre did
something new: they held their first
public “workshop production.” The play
was PHÆDRE, a “Greek tragedy”
written over 400 years ago
by French playwright
Jean Racine. This
new adaptation by
Nearly Naked’s
artistic director
Damon Dering
was inspired.
Filled with magic,
darkness and,
of course, a
powerful use
of sexuality and
nudity, the play
came alive for
modern audiences.
And this was just a
workshop with minimal sets
and costumes. Kind of like a preview of
things to come.
Well, the full production of PHÆDRE
is here. And it’s going to knock more
than your socks off! Switching between
antiquated language and modern
English, as well as flipping eras
between Ancient Greece to modern
Europe, the play is a dark and sensual
journey through the mind of a Queen
driven mad by lust and passion.
We asked the director-playwright to
give us the gist:
“Phædre is about the Queen of Athens
who has been cursed by Aphrodite to
fall in love with her stepson. She resists
these feelings until she learns that
her husband, the king, is dead. Then
she tries to seduce her stepson. Only
this is the most forbidden kind of
thing under Greek law, so
it doesn’t go well for
her. Then we find out
the king isn’t dead.
That’s when all
Hades breaks
loose!”
Nearly Naked
has spent more
than a decade
producing some
of Arizona’s
most provocative
theatre. Dering
himself is an artist
noted for his fascinating
(and sometimes disturbing)
use of nudity and sexuality to invoke an
emotional response from his audiences.
Of course, in classical theatre there
was no nudity. There were also no
images of incest happening onstage.
In Dering’s adaptation, we slip into
Phædre’s imagination, and we see the
incestuous things she is fantasizing
about. The disturbing nature of her
fantasies make the horror of this crime
real to us in a modern society where
propositioning your 20-year-old stepson
is not the craziest thing in the world.
Several actors return to the world
premiere of PHÆDRE from the
workshop production, including
Nearly Naked’s own David Weiss,
and the very handsome young actor
March 2010
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more impressive is how dangerously
he plays the fantasy Hippolytus
versus the real Hippolytus. The
darkness of Phædre’s fantasies
in Dering’s wonderful adaptation
make this an evening of art that
is not to be missed.
Chris Matesevac, whose portrayal of
Hippolytus in the workshop was as
stunning as his beautiful body. But
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PHÆDRE is intended for
mature audiences only;
containing adult themes,
graphic sexuality and nudity.
Performances are Thursdays
through Saturdays at 8pm.,
and Sundays at 6pm or 2pm
(alternating). The Little Theatre at
Phoenix Theatre is located at 100 E.
McDowell Rd. in the Phoenix Theatre/
Phoenix Art Museum complex. For
tickets, call Phoenix Theatre’s box
office at (602) 254-2151 or visit
Nearly Naked Theatre online at www.
NearlyNakedTheatre.org
www.IONAZ.com
March 2010 37
by Peter Lora
Scents
& Sensibilty
T
here are a lot of different
characteristics to take into account
whenever you’re meeting a guy for
the first time out on the town. At first
you see his face; is he chiseled and
handsome or should he invest in that
red Alexander McQueen mask GaGa
wore at the 2009 VMA’s? The shoes
are hopefully not flip-flops or running
sneakers, his jeans are the perfect fit,
he’s wearing a leather belt because
he’s mature and a shirt that doesn’t
sparkle, shimmer or frighten you with
pseudo-vintage tattoo depictions of
skulls, crossbones, dice, playing cards,
crucifixes, snakes, Voldemort, lions,
tigers or bears.
Then there’s always that last little,
elusive and oh-so crucial element being
the way our potential Future Lover
smells. The right cologne could have
you releasing your man-craving SheWolf and conversely the wrong scent
could make you pretend to check your
cell phone and run to the bar after
making that awkward three-minutes of
eye contact.
All too often men tend to pick what
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www.IONAZ.com
March 2010
they’ve always worn. The truth is that
any well-marketed cologne has had
its day in the sun and many scents
are outdated or over-worn. Walk into
any bar that has “Diva House” music
playing and it’s certain that you’ll catch
whiffs of “CK One,” “Curve,” “Aqua di
Gio” and the overrated, genetically
engineered staple of our community
the homocentric aphrodisiac that is
Abercrombie’s’ “Fierce.”
“Fierce” is kind of like the word “Party.”
In 2009, GQ stated that the rule of
thumb should be that “Party” should
never be used by a gentleman as an
adjective after the age of 23. So all you
Madeline Ashtons out there “Fierce” is
not the potion.
Your cologne selection should be
representative of your style and get
you noticed when you’re surrounded
by your coven of night-out gays. A
good fragrance will consist of several
different layers or notes and should
smell different to someone the longer
that they are around or near you.
The monsters and
heartbreakers,
with a whiskey in
one hand and a
boy’s heart in the
other, would find
John Varvatos’
“Vintage” quite the
new addition, which
contains a very forward note of leather
and subtle spice note. If you smell
this enrapturing elixir on a guy run for
the hills because you will end up in
sweat pants watching Sex & The City
reruns with a pizza. Other fragrances
with the same effect are “Gucci” by
Gucci; Dolce & Gabbana’s “The One,”
Givenchy’s “Play,” Chanel’s “Platinum
Egoïste” and virtually any of the
expensive Creed fragrances.
For all you urban,
gay hipsters
Burberry’s “The
Beat” would
wear you
well. This very
bold fragrance
has notes of
leatherwood, vetiver
bourbon, cedrat, violet leaves and
black pepper. This is the perfect
fragrance for the guy you’d meet
haunting Phoenix’s First Friday, the
rooftop of Bar Smith, Symphony Hall
and the Lost Leaf. If this doesn’t suit
your fancy try Diesel “Fuel for Life,”
“Marc Jacobs,” YSL’s “L’Homme” and
Dior “Homme.”
ask for help; the fragrance specialists
behind the counters at department
and cosmetic stores can be very
informative, seeing as though all
they’ve done that day is sample
scents and polish glass. Always spray
your own skin lightly and never your
clothes because you may stain white
or delicate fabrics. Let’s not ruin your
Freakum Dress.
Although scents can be pricey, there’s
no better compliment than him rolling
over from his side of the bed to
embrace you and say, “No one smells
like you”… in a good way that is.
Order your St. Patrick’s Day &
Easter Flowers today!
The boy next door
in his cotton
tee, seersucker
shorts, Sperry
or Tom’s shoe
should head
for more light
hearted, fresher but
equally sexy scents
like Gucci’s “Pour Homme II.” D&G’s
“La Lune,” Versace’s “Eau Fraiche,”
“L’Eau d’Issey” by Issey Miyake and
DSquared’s “Wood.”
Picking a scent that is unique, sexy,
classy and characteristically you can
be a challenge. Never be afraid to
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 39
Phaedre
This is not about or starring Phoenix’s beloved drag queen
of the same name. Incest is best! A game the whole family
can play! Cursed by the goddess Aphrodite, Phaedre, the
dying queen of Athens, falls in love with her stepson, Hippolytus.
An obsessive love story with the poetry of Euripides and the violent
energy of Fatal Attraction without the rabbit. A Nearly Naked Theatre
at Phoenix Theatre 10 East McDowell. March 5-27. 602-274-3432
Avenue Q
The story of Princeton, a bright-eyed college grad who comes
to New York City with big dreams and a tiny bank account
discovering that the only neighborhood in his price range is
Avenue Q. Together, Princeton and his newfound friends struggle
to find jobs, dates, and their ever-elusive purpose in life. A
musical all told with puppets! See it at ASU Gammage March
9-14. 1200 S. Forest Ave. Info & tix: 480965-3434, www.ASUgammage.com
Chelsea Handler
She’s acerbic, witty, bitchy, makes fun of herself,
her family, the rest of America, and of course, Spain. The E!
Channel’s Chelsea Handler comes to the Dodge Theatre
on her Bang Bang Tour on Thursday, March 11. 400 W.
Washington. Tix: www.LiveNation.com or call 602-379-2800.
Sponsored by Belvedere Vodka. Really.
FEBRUARY 2010 ION THEATER + STANDUP
DATEEVENTLOCATION
4-20
5-21
5-27
thru 14
9-14
10-14
11
11-13
13-14
14-29
12-27
18-21
23-28
23-4/3
25-4/10
25-27
27
APRIL
6-11
40
PHONE
Blithe Spirit
Secret Order
Phaedre
Light in the Piazza
Avenue Q
Now That She’s Gone
Chelsea Handler: Bang Bang Tour
Joe Rogan
Martin Short
The Immigrant
Indivisible
Pablo Francisco
Tony & Tina’s Wedding
Around the World in a Bad Mood
The Glass Menagerie
Tom Green
Keo Woolford - I Land
Mesa Arts Center Actors Theatre at Herberger
Nearly Naked at Phx Thtre.
Phoenix Theatre
ASU Gammage
Dodge Theatre
Tempe Improv
AZ Jewish Theatre at PVCC
Herberger Theater Center
Tempe Improv
Mesa Arts Center
Herberger Theater Center
Tempe Improv
ASU Gammage
480-644-6500
602-254-7399
602-274-3432
602-274-3432
480-965-3434
480-782-2680
602-379-2800
480-921-9877
480-994-ARTS
602-264-0402
602-254-7399
480-921-9877
480-782-2680
480-644-6500
602-254-7399
480-921-9877
480-965-3434
Jesus Christ Superstar
ASU Gammage
480-965-3434
MORE PICTURES AT IONA Z.COM
Mustache Ride
Photos by Deon Brown
42
www.IONAZ.com
March 2010
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 43
by Kimberly M. Ruff
[email protected]
Movie Previews
Alice in Wonderland
Starring: Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny
Depp, Mia Wasikowska, Anne
Hathaway
Lewis Carroll’s
beloved
childhood
classic
comes to
life in the
live-action
adaptation
directed
by Tim
Burton
(Nightmare
Before
Christmas,
Edward
Scissorhands).
Picking up where Disney’s
1951 animated version left off, Alice in
Wonderland stars Mia Wasikowska as the
19-year-old incarnation of the daydreaming
youth who, despite giving very good advice,
once again decides to not take her own
and returns to Wonderland. After reuniting
with her old friends, the Mad Hatter (Depp),
Caterpillar (Alan Rickman, Harry Potter),
and Cheshire Cat (Stephen Fry, V for
Vendetta, Wilde), Alice learns her destiny
is to overthrow the Red Queen (Bonham
Carter). As is par for any Burton cinematic
enterprise, Alice in Wonderland takes an
oft-told narrative and repackages it as a
darkly sentimental core in an eerily stunning
exterior. Fans of the original story and/
or Disney version may find themselves
off-put by the creative licensing, but
Burton’s distinctive style and his continued
partnerships with talents like Depp, Rickman,
and Bonham Carter, will make this a mustsee. Release Date: 03/05/2010.
44
Clash of the Titans
Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson,
Ralph Fiennes
Remakes abound this season and the
Clash of the Titans is no exception.
This Greek myth catalogs the
adventures of Perseus, mortal
son of the god, Zeus, who must
slay Medusa the Gorgon to
rescue his beloved Andromeda
from the clutches of the Kraken
sea monster. As is par for the
course with all Greek myths,
Perseus does not tackle this
challenge alone; bored, fickle
Gods get in on the intrigue by
both helping and hurting him in
his quest. The original 1981 version
used stop-motion animation for its
special effects and starred Harry Hamlin
as Perseus, and featured an all-star cast of
Sir Laurence Olivier, Burgess Meredith,
Maggie Smith, and Ursula Andress.
The 2010 version uses computer graphics
imaging (CGI) and stars Sam Worthington
(Avatar) as Perseus, Liam Neeson (Batman
Begins) as Zeus, and Ralph Fiennes (The
English Patient) as Hades. If you were a
huge, nerdy fan of the original like I was, you
may be turned-off by the decision to remake
a cult classic. Hopefully, the special effects
and equally capable cast will be enough to
sway you in its favor.
Release Date:
04/02/2010.
by Wes Bergman
[email protected]
DVD Movie Review
Being a movie reviewer can either be a
blessing or a curse, depending on the day.
Sometimes Mr. Postman brings us true
cinematic delights, like romantic comedies,
Oscar-worthy dramas, foreign fare, or indie
experimental pieces. Even some of the
“worst” movies I have seen had some value
in them; I still get a kick out of craptaculars
like Dante’s Cove and The Lair. But then
there are some that are
so unbelievably bad, it
makes you wonder if
the Celluloid Gods
are just having
a laugh at your
expense, or if
you seriously,
perhaps
irreparably,
angered them.
For example…
Remarkable
Power
Starring: Kevin Nealon, Evan Peters, Nora
Zehetner, Tom Arnold, Kip Pardue
Wicked webs and interconnectedness have
been the storytelling method en vogue. 13
Conversations about One Thing, Babel, and
Crash are only a few examples of this subgenre in which an ensemble of seemingly
unrelated characters are satellites orbiting
around the same person, place, or idea. In
Remarkable Power, the center of gravity is
Kevin Nealon’s, Jack West, a late night talk
show host who’s getting screwed in a way
no one likes; the studio execs want to cancel
his show, and his wife is hitting it with a local
baseball hero. West orchestrates a scheme
to serve his wife just desserts and keep his
post-prime time spot.
Ok, fair enough, except – writer/director,
Brandon Beckner decides that’s just not
enough plot for the audience and forces
us to watch four other storylines before
46
www.IONAZ.com February 2010
half-heartedly attempting to trick us into an
“ah-ha!” moment when he knits them all
together in the end. There’s Ross (Peters),
a dope-smoking ne’er-do-well turned
diehard disciple of a get-rich-quick scheme
hocked on witching hour infomercials called
‘Remarkable Power’ before becoming an
accidental murderer who doesn’t have
enough sense to know when to stay or when
to go; Athena (Zehetner), a death-obsessed
gothic pixie who makes a living taking
gory, post-mortem photos and fancies
herself the Addams Family version
of ‘Nancy Drew;’ Van Hagen
(Arnold), a private eye that’s about
as discrete as an atom bomb;
and Moses (Jack Plotnick), an
obnoxiously stereotypical Jew/drug
dealer who terrorizes substance
abusing D-listers when he’s not
kicking it Old School Testament with
his sight gag sidekicks. Every character
is a caricature.
This is not altogether uncommon for this
subgenre of film – the more characters you
add to the mix, the less time you can devote
to really developing them. While it makes
sense that filmmakers would have to rely
on storytelling shortcuts like stereotypes
to communicate their characters, it doesn’t
negate the fact that you have a whole slew
of unsympathetic characters. Factor in them
doing abnormal or immoral things in the
name of creating a dynamic plot, and you’ve
got a recipe for disaster. Filmmakers, take
heed: if you’re going to have your characters
do things that wouldn’t square with most
of your audience’s beliefs or values, you
better make those characters people we can
identify with.
So, while Remarkable Power has an adept
cast, decent direction, and is of a higher
technical quality than many of the movies I
review, this glaring error in storytelling makes
it impossible to enjoy.
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 47
Y
Thai E-San
ou might remember the Rogers
and Hammerstein musical, The King and
I. Maybe the two devious and mischievous
cats in the Disney animated feature Lady
and the Tramp. How about the famous
conjoined twins from huckster P.T.
Barnum’s famous circus sideshow? They
were all Siamese, if you please. In 1949
this gilded country, which lies in southeast
Asia became more familiarly known as
Thailand, but for centuries they’ve been
serving up some of the most exotic cuisine
on earth. Lightly prepared dishes and
strong aromatic components reveal the
subtle intricacies and delicate nuances
that Thai food offers.
affect another cooked in the same pan,
or wok. And don’t forget, you can always
control the “heat” level in your dish. Be
aware: with some dishes, the heat can
creep up on you.
Since August, Thai E-San has been
serving up generous portions of delicious
meals in Central Phoenix. Housed in
the newly redecorated and remodeled
building where Big Wong was once
located, the gifted and enthusiastic Chef
Peter Benson, formerly of the well-known
restaurant Siam in Glendale, prepares
cuisine from his native village, Nalcorn
Phanom in northeast Thailand, in the
E-san region. Many of these dishes
are traditional and date from 1794
and are influenced by cooking from
Cambodia, Laos, and Vietnam. It
doesn’t hurt that Peter’s parents
were both chefs, too, passing their
knowledge on.
A star appetizer is the Angel Wings. This
secret recipe is a beauty, created out
of boneless chicken wings and stuffed
with seasoned ground pork, cellophane
noodles, and vegetables. This speciality
takes two days of preparation, and two
are only $7.95. These are big!
Start off with the Tom-Yum Soup, more
familiarly known as Lemongrass Soup,
brewed with fresh Thai herbs, fresh,
meaty mushrooms, thick stalks of
lemongrass, slices of ginger and served
with your choice of meat. Ours had big,
succulent shrimp. Lots of them. You
won’t find them scrimping here. This is
all served in one of the famous flaming
“pots.”
One of Thai E-san’s real
strengths is the attention to
detail behind the scenes.
Benson visits the markets daily
for the freshest ingredients,
and not only that, each dish is
prepared in its own pan, with
its own spoon – the flavors, oils
and spices of one dish never
48
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 49
Eat your veggies!
You can’t go wrong
with #53 – Spicy
Green Beans with
prik-khing curry and
Thai herbs. These
beans are fresh, crisp
and gently coated with
a spicy curry paste,
and served with your
choice of chicken, beef,
pork, roast duck, squid, shrimp,
or combination of meat or seafood. Other
stir fry vegetable combos are available,
with prices ranging from $9.50-$12.95,
depending on your meat choices.
Vegetarian with tofu is an option, too, for
our non-meat eating friends.
You can’t miss with the Special Fried
Rice with Pineapple - number 70 on
the menu. This is light, delicate Thai
Jasmine White Rice – it is not diluted
with any “inferior” or lesser rice. This
comes topped with shrimp, chicken and
cashews. Accented with fresh basil, this
is fresh, fruity, aromatic and delicious.
If you’re a fish lover, don’t pass up #71,
the Crispy Fish Chu-Chee. You’ll have
a choice of catfish, pompano, or bass.
50
This whopper
is deep-fried and topped
with chu-chee curry - a red curry
paste, their beloved coconut
milk and delicate Thai herbs.
Our fish was tender, flaker,
and infused with all the
great tastes you associate
with Thai cooking. One
very large serving dish is
$12.95-$14.95.
You may not be able to
spend one night in Bangkok,
but you can spend an evening
at Thai E-San. No passport needed
and only a fraction of the price.
Thai E-San
602-297-8888
616 W. Indian School Rd., Phoenix, AZ
www.ThaiESanArizona.com
GAY-FRIENDLY RESTAURANT GUIDE
ADDRESS
TYPE
PHONE
AZ 88
7353 Scottsdale Mall
American 480.994.5576
FEZ
3815 N. Central Ave.
Moroccan Fusion 602-287-8700
Hanny’s
40 N. 1st Street
Contemporary
602-252-2285
Harley’s Bistro
4221 N. 7th Ave. - Phx
Italian
602-234-0333
Marcellino Ristorante 1301 E. Northern Ave - Phx
Auth Italian
602-216-0004
Mazie’s
4750 N. Central Ave. - Phx
Cafe/Bistro
602-274-2828
Mi Patio
3347 7th Ave at Osborn - Phx Mexican
Pink Spot
49 W. Thomas Road - Phx
Ice Cream/Coffee 602-265-3889
Switch
2603 N. Central Ave.
Cont. American
602-264-2295
Thai E-San
616 W. Indian School - Phx
Thai
602-297-8888
Ticoz
5114 N. 7th St - Phx
Caribbean Fusion 602-200-0160
602-277-4831
Z Pizza (Central Phx) 53 W. Thomas Rd. - Phx
Pizza/Subs
602-234-3289
Z Pizza (Downtown)
111 W. Monroe St
Pizza/Subs
602-254-4145
Z Pizza (North Phx)
1367 N.Tatum Blvd
Pizza/Subs
602-765-0511
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 51
52
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 53
by Deon Brown
devoured
Phoenix Culinary Classic
O
ne of the really great things about
being on top of the food chain is getting to
eat just about anything that gets in our way.
As a species, Humankind has wolfed down
the equivalent of entire forests, gobbled up
ocean’s full of seafood, and snacked
on just about everything with
four legs that’s not a table or
chair. That’s what makes
us “gourmands.”
Being omnivorous
also makes us
especially lucky,
because we get
to exercise our
palates, tongues
and tastebuds
in gustatory
calisthenics at
events like the
Devoured Culinary
Classic happening at the
Phoenix Art Museum.
From March 13-14, Phoenix
Foodies will get a chance to sample the
culinary treats from about 70 of the best
bistros, the cleverest cafés, and the rockin’est restaurants in town at the Devoured
Culinary Classic. This event is the perfect
grandstand and forum for the Valley’s
restaurateurs, finest chefs, wineries and
industry purveyors, local farmers and dairies
to showcase their talents. These restaurants
are eager to connect with the public and
introduce them some perhaps for the
first time, to something new.
54
Ticket holders will visit the vendors booths,
sampling each restaurant’s signature dishes.
All restaurants may not be there both days.
Several of the Valley’s shining chefs will be
staging special demonstrations, too. There
will also be films, seminars, and live
music.
ION is proud to
announce that our
advertisers, Switch,
Ticoz Resto-Bar,
FEZ, and Maizie’s
Bistro and Café,
are participating
in this prestigious
event. Other
events include a
Light Rail Lunch
Crawl and two
Dinner Crawls.
Advance tickets can
be purchased online at
ProTix.com or call 1-866977-6849. Prices range from
$65-$90 for both days (fees apply.)
You can also purchase tickets in person at
the Phonix Art Museum for $57 if you are
a museum member. One-day tickets at the
door will be $75.
For updates and information, go to www.
phoenixartmuseum.org/devoured.
You’ll find the Phoenix Art Museum at 1625
E. Central Avenue at McDowell Road, right
on the Metro Light Rail. Please, don’t get
any food on the Monet.
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 55
AGRA RODEO
Cactus Cities’
Chili Cook Off at Roscoe’s
B
reak out the Alka-Seltzer and
Rolaids, kids! It’s time for the annual
Cactus Cities Softball Chili & Salsa
Cook Off at Roscoe’s!
And this contest ain’t
for pansies. Taste
30 varieties of the
fabled Mexican
stew. Some
varieties are mild,
but some are
guaranteed to
be be five-alarm
Photos by Carlos Silvo
MAIZIE’S Rojo chili de la casa
10 lbs. hand cut ¾” chuck stew meat
1 gallon strong beef stock
¾ cup chopped garlic
7 cups diced yellow onions
4 cups red chili paste (Santa Cruz brand)
2 tbsp crushed red pepper
2 tbsp cayenne pepper
1 tbsp ground cumin
1 tbsp ground black pepper
1 ½ tbsp Salt
1 tbsp oregano leaves
2 tbsp honey
3 cups V-8 juice
12 oz. butter
12 oz. flour
quality. The entry fee is only $30 for
chili, $15 for salsa. But only one winner
will walk away with the $150 Grand
Prize. Each chef is required to submit
one gallon of their best effort. Celebrity
Judge CBS 5 Weather hottie Sean
McLaughlin and others will lend their
expert tongues and opinions – about
the comidas, that is.
Tasting starts bright and early at 10
a.m. on Saturday, March 13 and lasts
all day ‘til the last bean is gone. There’ll
be raffles, prizes, promos, and what
says “Chili Cook-Off” better than a
drag show? Roscoe’s co-owner, Bob
Scimeca said, “As the best – and only
– sports bar for the community, we’re
excited to sponsor this fundraiser. It’s
held outdoors, just in case the chili
‘repeats’ on you.”
The Chili Bowl benefits those big,
bulging jocks in the Cactus Cities
Softball League. For more info ask
[email protected]
Once the meat is tender, take a wire whip and stir in the roux and mix well over
low heat for another 20 minutes.
Can’t wait ‘til then? Our friend
Maizie Miller from Maizie’s Bistro
generously offered her own special
recipe of chili that’ll tide you over
‘til the Chili Bowl. You can enjoy
Maizie’s chili and lots of other
delicious sandwiches, entrées and
more at her cozy café at 4750 N.
Central Ave. Phone: 602-274-2828.
Thanks, Maizie!
We serve it atop a warm flour tortilla with shredded cheddar cheese and topped
with two eggs, any style. Enjoy!
Roscoe’s is located at 4531 N. 7th St.
Phoenix.
In a large braiser, brown the meat with the garlic and onions. Add the stock. Add
next nine ingredients and cook at a low boil until the beef is tender, (approx.
one hour.)
In the meantime, make a roux in a medium sauce pan melt the 12 oz. of butter,
stir in the 12 oz. of flour and cook over a low heat for 15 min. (That’s your roux!)
56
57
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 57
Mini Rodeo
“Jess scores a date”
58
s a y h e y @ h e y c l i n t . c o m | b y March
j u s2010
t i n www.IONAZ.com
gonzalez
59
L
ike, oh my god! YouTube
sensations and Hollywood Red Carpet
munching fabulosities Jessica and Hunter
are slowly but surely taking over popular
culture – one bottle of vodka at a time
with a tanning bed chaser. These acidtongued WeHo gadabouts and barflies
sprang from the fertile imaginations
of their real life creators, showbiz
whizkids Beth Crosby and Jaret
Gardiner about two years ago at
The Groundlings Theatre Sunday
Stage. ION managed to snag
their alter egos in-between
dumpster diving at Forever 21
and crashing a super-duper
A-list wannabe Hollywood
Hills party to answer
the really hard hitting
questions that
everybody wants
to know about.
Amazebots 2052!
ION Arizona
Interviews
Jessica &
Hunter
WEBLEBRITIES
ION: Have you
ever thought
of running for
office on a joint
ticket? What
would your platform
be? Which laws would
you enact and which laws
would you repeal?
Hunter: What the fuck are you talking
about?
Jessica: I have nooooo idea what you’re
even saying. I’m sarls, do you have the
right people? We’re Jessica and Hunter
um we’re not Palin and her baby, um,
I’m confused. We don’t know what that
means?
Hunter: You mean, like, run for
President?
ION: Yeah!
by Craig Rubin
60
J: OOHHH! Oh my god, oh my god,
we would get like the fiercest, sickest
fashion, I would totally get whoever is,
like, next in line from the Queen to design
my Presidential gown when I do my oath
of office.
H: And first thing I would do is make
everyone in the military Gay, and they
would have to tell
everyone about it,
and they would
have to wear
really fierce
outfits.
ION: What
are your best
qualities?
H: Jessica’s
best quality is
that she pays for
dinner every time we
go out; she has a really
fierce closet of clothes that
she lets me borrow, and
she can drink her weight in
vodka.
J: Hunter’s best qualities
are he shares his unlimited
subscription to Sunset Tan with
me, so I can tan as much as I want
with him, he gives lots of HJ’s to the
doormen at all the clubs so we can get in
to all the clubs wherever we go, and he’s
fun to judge other people with.
ION: There’s only one shot of vodka
left in the world, who gets it and why?
H: I get it! Okay, this is where the
friendship line gets drawn. I’ll kill a bitch
to have that because I’m basically held
together with bronzer and vodka, so if I
don’t get it, it’s game over.
J: Well the doctor told me if I don’t get
a shot of vodka every single day then I
Hunter & Jessica,
Crazeballs Weblebrities
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 61
can’t come up with any of his own!
go into a high
diabetic shock, which is a
very rare disease, but I have it. It’s
kind of like diabetes.
ION: If you were superheroes what
would your superhero powers be?
J: OOOHHHH MY GOD. Who
would Hunter not bang to get the cover
of US Weekly? Okay? Listen, this is his
dream come true!
H: But if we, like, saw him on the street
and we were driving down the street in,
like, my Mini Cooper I would totally throw
my IPhone at his big, fat face.
H: I totally tried Perez Hilton; that went
no where ... Ummm, I would basically go
down on a homeless woman if it meant I
could be on the cover of US Weekly.
ION: What’s worse: being the LeAnn
Rimes Fan Club President, or being
the Shipping Manager at Best Buy?
J: I think my super power would be that
you can just drink and party as much as
you want and never ever be hungover,
because being hungover is not pretty.
Hunter would know.
J: Oh my god! And I would video tape it,
and sell it on VividVideo.com
H: My super power would be to be able
to walk through red ropes so I can get
into all the fierce parties with all the
famous people. Some people want to
walk through walls? Boring! I want to walk
through red velvet ropes.
J: And I would get more plastic surgery
then Heidi Frakenstein Montag ever did.
In fact, that’s part of my master plan to
become famous because I’m an aspiring
actress, singer, dancer, whatever, and I’m
in the process of getting multiple plastic
surgeries and I’m going to shop it around
to various magazines and hopefully sell it
as a cover story, so we’ll see.
ION: Who would you be willing to bang
for the cover of US Weekly? How low
would you go?
H: That’s a great idea, write that down on
something!
ION: Speaking of Perez Hilton, how do
you feel about him?
H: Basically we hate him, but we
can’t let him know because we
have to be on his website,
like every time we see him
we have to be like really,
really nice then he walks
away and were, like,
“Fucking fat bitch!”
J: Yeah, I mean
he’s a literally a
hack, but we would
never say that to
his face because its
gross to be mean
to someone’s face
like that, but he’s a
fucking loser who
steals words cause he
62
J: LeAnn Rimes is fat and plain, she’s
Plain Jane USA.
H: But did you see the boy she’s dating
now and the boy she used to date? Like,
hello! they’re both like so closeted and
waiting to come out, and I’m just the man
for the job.
J: Whatever! They’re both horrible and
terrible and disgustoid USA!
ION: What scares Jessica and Hunter?
J: Oh my god, getting old! P.S. we’re
not getting old! We’re killing ourselves
in a joint suicide pact before we turn 30,
‘cause 30 you might as well be, like, 100
if you’re 30. So we’re living hard, we’re
playing hard, and then we’re going out
fabulously in big ball of suicide. It’s kind of
dark, I know.
J: Oh my god, that’s totals
horrible! I was thinking we would go, like,
softer. Like we would rent like a newest
edition Lamborghini and go in one of my
dad’s many garages and just park it with,
like, lots of fabulous bottles of like Ciroc
Vodka, and just, like, surround ourselves
with amazing furs, like, Anna Wintour can
lend us some of her furs, and just drink
and just turn on the gas, and just pass
out; just go to sleep together.
H: I think it would be funny to like put
a bullet in my head right in front of Old
Navy, because then it would have that
horrible stigma, and maybe people
would stop wearing Old Navy, like, brains
splattered all over the window.
J: That’s a really, really dark version of
Hunter.
H: Thank you I’m really dark! I just went
tanning.
ION: Which is worse, getting a DUI or
getting kicked out of Fashion Week?
Both: Getting kicked out of Fashion
Weeeeeeek!
H: No, but they’re totally gonna write
about it in the magazines and we’re
gonna be famous!
J: Oh my god, hellooo! Getting a DUI
is actually amazebots 3022, it’s a total
career move, I’m sarls. Like, what you do
is you get headshots, go on auditions,
you have your first sex tape, and then you
get your first DUI honey, and you’re on
the map in Hollywood!
J: It will be like Marilyn Monroe, Elvis,
Jessica & Hunter, you know, famous
celebrities that died in like a suicidal way.
ION: Have you ever thought of
a marriage of convenience and
fierceness?
ION: How are you gonna do it?
J: Oh my god, I’m almost throwing up, oh
my god I’m puking.
H: I told Jessica that when I get my
first wrinkle like at the corner of my eye
that we’re gonna go out to the Valley
somewhere and we’re gonna go find like
a janky, ghetto gun and just put one right
between my eyes.
H: My penis just crawled up into my body
cavity, that’s disgusting.
J: My vagina is like sewed up and closed
for biz for the next 20 years after that
statement! Disgustoid! Never!
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 63
ION:
Which celebrity
deserves a good bitch
slapping?
J: Obviously Chloe Sevigny. I’m, like,
totally pissed at her because she totals
puked in my Balenciaga bag the other
night when we were at Rage and
fucking ruined it, my $3,000
purse, so I’d like to bitch
slap that fashionista.
What about you
Hunter? You got
into a fight with
Mario Lopez at
The Abbey ...
H: Yeah, ‘cause
I called him hot
and tall. I would
like to slap him,
but on his ass.
Who would I slap
on the face? I wanna
slap that stupid Billy
Bush on Exra, because
he’s cute but he’s, like, so
dumb. He’s like what I like to call a
schlongoloid, like, I’m sure he’s really hot,
but super stupid.
ION: Speaking of hot and stupid:
which is better, Britney shaving her
head or Lindsay going to rehab?
J: Oh my god! They were both genius
moves! We applaud them because those
bitches know what’s up, they know how
to get famous, they know how to be
celebrities, okay, in the classiest sense of
the word. I felt proud to live in Hollywood.
We’re all about the crazy, insane, like,
fucked up celebrity, and bravo to them!
Bravo!
H: I love Lindsay Lohan with the really
64
bad
like orange tan,
like, melting all over her face cause
she’s, like, totally sewn together with
vodka. And then Britney’s running around
like a half naked crazy person with a half
shaved head, that’s genius!
J: Total genius! I fully shaved my head
after that incident as, like, an homage to
Britney and her brilliance. It grew back.
My hair grew back.
ION: Changing gears,
what is your favorite
venereal disease?
J: Oooooh! There’s
a lot! I mean,
there’s a lot and
they’re fun to,
like, get over
them, cause
once you’ve had
them you know,
the odds of them
coming back are,
like, slim to none, so
it’s good to like get them
out of the way. I had a real
nice wild ride with HPV, that
was a funny, a fun one. They have
those really cutesy commercials on about
it, about the shot for it, so that’s like a
really fun one!
H: I personally like chlamydia because I
had it twice, but the medicine is, like, so
awesome, it’s like crazy anti-body-ic? I
don’t know, what do you call them? But
they make you not want to eat, you get
really skinny, so I love that.
ION: How many calories do you think
Rachel Zoe eats a day? How long until
she dies?
J: Oh my god, you know, wow! That’s
funny, ‘cause I actually talked to her
nutritionist the other day, because I’m
trying to get Rachel Zoe-thin, and I’m
close, right Hunter? I’m close! I like
passed out five times today, so I’m close.
H: And you’re looking good!
J: Thank you! Actually I found out what
she eats, she eats 180 calories a day,
and how long do I think until she dies?
Well she did die, technically, like last
week.
H: I mean she dies on like a frequent
basis, but, like, an actual “bye-sies,” no
more of that amazing show she’s on?
I dunno, maybe one more season? I
dunno, unless she gets another cup of
coffee in her body, its like really...
ION: Are you friends with Spencer
Pratt and Heidi Montag?
H: Umm, you could say that... I mean...
We’ve like, been at their party.
J: Like, we weren’t invited to their party,
we weren’t though friends of friends ... of
friends.
H: You know, like, giving off HJ’s at the
door, like, you can get into the club where
they are, and then you just kind of hang
around with them. I dunno, like Jessica
fortunately always has a matching bag
or shoes so it gives us a lot to talk about
when we see them.
H: Oh my god, could you imagine my tan
in 3-D?
J: Oh my god! My extensions could like
whip you in the face! You could like reach
out and give HJ’s to the whole audience.
I love that! It could be called like Avatard.
Avatarted! I lurve it, oh my god! I have
a sex tape coming out very shortly that
Hunter actually is managing, and we
definitely have some more videos coming
out, like, ASAP.
ION: I just have one last question:
why does it smell like sperm behind
the dumpster at Trader Joe’s on Santa
Monica Boulevard?
H: Because Jessica’s panties fell off
there.
J: Because Hunter puked in it last night,
okay? That’s why, griz. You disgustoid!
Ewww!
ION: Alright then! That’s all I’ve got for
you. Thank you!
J: Awww! Thank you! you’re such a cute
reporter worker, awww, we love you
reporter worker!
Stumble headfirst into the vodka-soaked,
twisted Tinseltown world of weblebrities
Jessica and Hunter on YouTube, or visit
them at www.JessicaandHunter.com for
realzies!
J: Yeah, they would know who we are ...
ummm ... I think. They would know who
we are if they saw us. Yeah. So you could
say we’re close.
H: Yeah. Like the last time we were
talking with them, Heidi looked looked us
up and down, because I’m sure she was
admiring our outfits, and then she said,
“Get the fuck out of here!” and we
totally laughed, it was hilarious!
ION: Do you have plans to release
a feature length film in IMAX 3-D?
January 2010
www.IONAZ.com 65
P
opular barmaids and ginslingers from
your favorite bars and nightclubs across
town competed for the title of “The Sexiest
Bartender” staged by SWAY Events for the
popular contest sponsored by Three Olives
Vodka as part of Apollo’s “Bar with Benefits
Weekend.” This included the outrageous
Turnabout Show and a raffle – all benefiting
Camp Incredible, a summer camp for
66
families affected by HIV/AIDS, funded by
Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS.
The boys and girls pulled all the stops out.
Forbidden’s adorable Dusty Brinsmade,
a crowd favorite, danced his way into the
audience’s heart with “Time After Time” à
la Romy & Michelle. The sexy Emilio from
Velocity brought everyone to their feet with
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 67
a rousing rendition of “YMCA” done Village
People style. This magic weekend raised over
$20,000 thanks to the love, hard work and
generosity of everyone who participated and
contributed.
Thanks to all the other sexy bartenders who
competed, including Jeremy from BS West
(the 2nd Place Winner who raised $3,068),
68
Rufeio from Babylon, Brian from Bunkhouse,
Dallan from Charlie’s, Tyler from Cherry Bar,
Tim from Plazma, and Al from The Rock.
Sponsors who helped make this happen are ION,
Echo, N’Touch, Sunburst Inn, Young’s Market,
Boom Boom Larue’s, OffChute II, Red Bull,
Beck’s Beverage, and Edge Studios.
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 69
SEXIEST BARTENDER
70
Photos by Carlos Silvo & Deon Brown
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 71
72
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 73
74
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 75
Photos by Jerry O’Conner | Art Direction by Joey Sarandos &
Kevin Bushaw | Makeup by Anton Khachaturian
Production Assistance from Tim Williams | Special Thanks to
Open Wide Dental & SWAY l Art by Geoffrey Paris Retouching &
Finishing services available
[email protected]
www.modelmayhem.com/geoffreyparisps
76
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 77
Vol. 3, Issue 12
MARCH 2010
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
Serial Killer Whale Vows, “I’ll Kill
Again and Again!”
ORLANDO –
Famed theme
park, SeaWorld,
where Tilikum,
the 12,000
pound Orcinus
orca, commonly
known as a
“killer whale,”
entertained
crowds of
families
for years in
carefully
orchestrated
feats of aquatic
acrobatics murdered trainer Dawn
Brancheau, 40, in cold blood in front
of a live audience on a sunny afternoon
February 24.
OUTRAGEOUS!
Prosecuting
attorneys claim,
“This was an act
of premeditated
murder. Clearly he
was
planning this for
weeks. He has a
history of killing
with a rap sheet
dating back to
1991. This fish has
bloodstains on his
fins. He’s guilty as
sin!”
SeaWorld officials claim that the incident
was isolated, and Tilikum thought
Brancheau was a sardine. “But I’ll tell you
one thing,” said park marketing officials,
“This is really gonna kill the ‘Dining With
Shamoo’ experience.”
OUTRAGEOUS!
This wasn’t a first for the bloodthirsty
whale. Tilikum, which means “friend”
in Chinook,
has killed before and
Southwest
Airlines, the official
airline of
ANY RESEMBLANCE
TOhe’s
THE TRUTH
IS TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
nobody’s friend. He revealed to an
SeaWorld and paints planes to resemble a
anonymous source, “I’ve killed twice
Killer Whale is considering ending their
before, and I loved it. I loved it, I say!
association. Instead, they’ll partner with
And I’ll kill again! And again and again!
Disney, painting their planes to look like the
I’ll kill ‘em all! Every single stinkin’ one
endearing, harmless clownfish, “Nemo.”
of ‘em!” he snarled with blood cascading
“It was an easy decision,” reports one
down his once pristine white chin as he
shook his fin menacingly at an angry
official. “You might say it was like shooting
fish in a barrel.”
crowd.
OUTRAGEOUS!
78
www.IONAZ.com
March 2010
OUTRAGEOUS!
Al Gore Unveils New
Social Networking Site
CUPERTINO,
Calif. – MySpace?
So last year.
Facebook? Too
much drama.
Twitter? Yawn. Al
Gore, inventor of
ANY
RESEMBLANCE
the
internet,
brought
together the most
brilliant minds in
Silicon Valley to
create the newest
social/networking
website: MyFaceSpotJournalChirper.
com.
chirps that broadcast
when you’re doing
something really
interesting, like
eating a chicken
salad sandwich.”
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
“MyFace-
SpotJournalChirper.
com will take the
internet by storm,”
said one programmer
in Research and
Development.
“Everyone will
join MyFaceSpotJournalChirper.
“The information
com and amass
superhighway is
a huge following
now the autobahn,”
and be enormously
Gore explained.
popular. MyFace“You can’t just park
SpotJournalChirper.
on the shoulder
com will keep
with your ticker on,
redesigning the
waiting to merge.
format, confusing
You’ve got to put the pedal to the metal
members, and rumors of making MyFaceand floor
it. With no carbon footprint,
SpotJournalChirper.com
pay site will
ANY
RESEMBLANCE
TO THE TRUTH
IS TRAGICALLYa ACCIDENTAL
of course. And that’s why I’ve invented
enrage everyone, and membership will drop
MyFaceSpotJournalChirper.com.
off when MyFaceSpotJournalChirper.com
MyFaceSpotJournalChirper combines
addicts will denounce it. That’s what makes
everything from MySpace, Facebook,
MyFaceSpotJournalChirper.com perfect for
and Twitter all in one. Friends, Likes,
the internet.”
Dislikes, Music, hard to read graphics,
neon wallpapers, Fans, Snowball fights,
Gore said, “But MyFaceSpotJournalChirper.
Mafia Wars, Farms, Aquariums, High
com will not have porn. Tipper won’t let
School Yearbooks, Family Trees, Resumes,
me.”
Photo Tag, and of course, 140 character
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
80
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
OUTRAGEOUS!
New Discovery : Dusty
Constantine the Great
ROME –
have only to look
Vatican officials
at the existing
and genealogy
head of the
research experts
colossal statue of
astonished the
Constantine in
world when they
Rome’s Capitoline
announced that
Museums and
ANY Roman
RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
famed
the resemblance
conqueror and
is uncanny. The
emperor, Caesar
proud brow, the
Flavius Valerius
noble Roman
Aurelius
nose, the strong,
Constantinus
handsome jawline,
Augustus, more
the delicate,
familiarly known
aristocratic
as Constantine
cheekbones, the
the Great, is
defiant cleft in his
the ancestor
chin, those ‘come
Dusty Brinsmade & The Emperor Constantine
of Forbidden’s
hither’ eyes, the
popular and beloved sexiest bartender,
soft, supple, pouting, oh-so-kissable lips ...
Dusty Brinsmade, 27, hailing from
we’re positive that they are kin.”
Rochester, Michigan. Constantine, who
empowered Christianity across the
Brinsmade, an accomplished figure skater
Roman Empire in the Fourth Century
in his own right, was astonished to learn
A.D. established Constantinople as the
of his royal heritage. Ancient Roman
capital – not Istanbul, but Constantinople,
scholars’ research confirmed, “In addition
now it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople – in
to poisoning his own son and boiling his
ANY
RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH
IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
Byzantium.
wife to death at his mother’s, St. Helena’s
request, Constantine could execute a quad
Genealogists, DNA biochemists and lots
followed by a triple-toe loop and a half axel
of other really, really smart people agree,
and a one foot salchow and still wage a holy
“Yep. Constantine the Great was Dusty’s
war. That’s obviously where Dusty got his
great-x-196 grandfather. It took a lot of
talent on the ice. But Dusty’s hot, gay dance
math to figure that out.”
moves are totally his own.”
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
Art Historians have long suspected
Dusty’s venerable Roman heritage. “We’re
positive,” said Prof. Panto Crator. “You
82
“Wow! Constantine the Great? Gosh, that’s
really – well – great!” Dusty said. “Does an
Empire come with this?”
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
March 2010 www.IONAZ.com
83
First
Date Faux Pas
First dates are stressful, and no one
wants a checklist of do’s and don’ts
in their head while trying to make a
good impression. Approach the first
date with ease, and try to relax. While
any creative or thoughtful first date
might go a long way to winning that
someone’s heart, the wrong move can
just as easily create a bad impression.
When planning that memorable first
outing, avoid a few classic mistakes
and increase your chances for a second
date.
NEVER ASSUME ONE OF YOU
IS PAYING.
The one who does the asking, should
do the paying is an assumption
that won’t lead to a second date.
Be prepared for at least going
Dutch and splitting the bill. If your
date pays the bill, you can offer
to pay next time – a great way to
suggest getting together again.
And never pay the bill expecting
that your date will take care of it
next time.
NEVER SUGGEST MEETING
FRIENDS OR FAMILY.
Accidentally running into friends or
family during a first date is a great way
to ensure there won’t be a second. Your
date will know you’ve set them up, no
matter how clever you think you are.
Having your date meet your closest
confidants only worked at your Senior
Prom. Don’t pressure them into knowing
everything about you so quickly. You’ll
get there in due time. Once the family’s
involved, you’ll never hear the end of it,
if the date doesn’t work out.
84
NEVER SURPRISE SOMEONE
YOU DON’T KNOW.
It’s best to know a little about your
date’s likes and dislikes before you
plan a first date. Fish eggs aren’t for
everyone. Don’t plan to wine and
dine with caviar and
champagne if you
haven’t asked first.
A kayaking trip with
a non-swimmer, a
mountain hike with
someone who’s
afraid of heights,
or a foreign film with a date who likes
action movies, can all spell disaster.
NEVER TALK JUST TO KEEP
THE CONVERSATION GOING.
First dates are filled with awkward
pauses and silent moments. There
is nothing worse than someone who
talks incessantly. Unless something
really interesting happened at work,
don’t talk about your job. And no one
wants to hear about your problems on
a first date. Keep it positive and try to
be a good listener too. If you’re getting
yawns from across the table, it’s best to
change the subject.
TELL THE TRUTH, EVEN IF IT
HURTS.
There will be a lot of questions and
answers on your first date. Tell the
truth, no matter what the question is. If
you’re honest, you’ll show that you’re
serious about wanting a relationship. If
you lie, you’ll eventually get caught,
and have a lot of explaining to do.
head to a bar or find a quickie online.
If you want something more, lines like
“Do you want to come up to my place?”
when the first date is ending, probably
won’t land you a second date.
Post your online or voicemail profile for
FREE on Megamates and Gaymates.
Our phone dating line and online dating
website offer singles a fun, interactive
place to call, chat, and connect. It’s
free to setup and maintain a mailbox or
online account, free to record a public
message and free to browse other
caller’s profiles and messages. Call
1-888-MEGAMATES, use FREE
code 7286 or visit us online at www.
megamates.com
AND NEVER LIE ABOUT...
According to Men’s Health
Magazine, 37-percent of
American men lie about the
size of their manhood. Should
your relationship progress to
an intimate place, it won’t be
difficult to figure out where your
shortcomings are.
TRY NOT TO SNEAK
SEX INTO THE
CONVERSATION.
If you’re both feeling it, odds
are the sex will happen when
it’s meant to. Sneaking hints
and sexual inuendo into
“getting to know you” banter
isn’t sexy - it’s desperate. If
you’re looking for a hook up,
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 85
Rodeo kick-off party
COMING SOON
86
NEWS & VIEWS
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 87
IONPHOENIX
1.
1.
Amsterdam
Amsterdam
718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix
(602) 258-6122
2.
2.
Apollo’s
Apollo’s
5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix
(602) 277-9373
3.
3.
Bar
1
Babylon
Showclub
3708 E
N.Van
16th
St. - Phoenix
3613
Buren,
Phoenix, AZ‎ (602) 306-1000‎
266-9001
(602)
4.
4.
BSBar
West
1
7125 N.
E. 16th
5th Ave.
Scottsdale
3702
St. --Phoenix
(480) 945-9028
(602)
266-9001
5.
5.
Bunkhouse
BS West
4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix
7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale
(602) 200-9154
(480) 945-9028
6.
6.
Cash Inn
Bunkhouse
2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 244-9943
(602) 200-9154
7.
7.
8.
8.
9.
9.
10.
10.
Charlie’s
Cash Inn
Cherry Bar
Charlie’s
Cherry Lounge Cherry Bar
The Chute Men’s Club
Cruisin’ 7th
Clarendon
Hotel
Dick’s Cabaret
Club Vibe
727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 265-0224
(602) 244-9943
1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 277-7729
727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 265-0224
Every Thursday starting January 11th - Mill Ave. in Tempe
(602) 277-7729
1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 234-1654
(602) 212-9888
401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix
(602) CLARENDON
3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 274-DICK
(602) 224-9977
1517 S Black Canyon Hwy - Phoenix
(602) 271-9011
(602) 212-9888
13.
13.
Flex Private Men’s Club
Cruisin’ 7th
Forbidden
Dick’s Cabaret
6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale
3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix
forbiddenaz.com
(602) 274-DICK
14.
14.
Harley’s
The
Door Bistro
1126 N. Scottsdale Rd. - Tempe
(480) 967-DOOR
15.
15.
icepics videobar
Forbidden
3108
Rd. - Phoenix
6820 E.
E. McDowell
5th Ave. - Scottsdale
(602)
267-8707
forbiddenaz.com
16.
16.
Incognito
Homme
2424
E. Camelback
Thomas Rd.Rd.
- Phoenix
138 W.
- Phoenix
(602) 955-9805
266-0875
17.
17.
Karamba
icepics
videobar
1724
(602) 254-0231
267-8707
18.
18.
Incognito
Kobalt
2424 N.
E. Central
ThomasAve.
Rd. -- Phoenix
Phoenix
3110
(602) 955-9805
264-5307
19.
19.
Karamba
Nu Towne
1724 E
E.Van
McDowell
Rd.Phoenix,
- Phoenix
5002
Buren St,
AZ‎ (602) 254-0231
(602)
267-9959
20.
20.
Kobalt
OZ
3110 W.
N. Central
- Phoenix
1804
BethanyAve.
Home
Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 242-5114
264-5307
(602)
21.
21.
OZ
Paradise Adult Boutique
1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix
130 W. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 242-5114
(602) 266-5869
22.
22.
Plazma
Plazma
1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix
1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 266-0477
(602) 266-0477
23.
23.
Pumphouse II
Pumphouse II
(602) 275-3509
(602) 275-3509
24.
25.
24.
26.
25.
27.
26.
28.
Retro Bar
Radisson Phoenix City Center
The Rock
Rainbow Cactus
Roscoe’s
The Rock
Rainbow
Cactus
Roscoe’s
Velocity 3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix
3600 N. 2nd Ave. - Phoenix
15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix
15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 493-0355
(602) 604-4900
(602) 248-8559
(602) 867-2463
(602) 285-0833
(602) 248-8559
(602) 867-2463
(602) 285-0833
(602) 956-2885
27.
29.
Velocity Wild Card
801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler
(602) 956-2885
(480) 857-3088
28.
30.
Z Girl Club
Z Girl Club
4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix 4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 265-3233
(602) 265-3233
C
11.
11.
12.
12.
88
IONBAR GUIDE
PHOENIX
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
SUNDAY
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
Amsterdam
Amsterdam’s Signature Night
Happy Hour 4-7pm
Dance - No Cover!
$3 Smirnoff cocktails until Mid.
Arts, Industry & ION VIP Night
1/2 price drinks *KARAOKE*
Martinis & Manicures
$5 Martinis
Arts, Industry & ION VIP Night
1/2 price drinks
College Night
1/2 price drinks with student ID
Divas Live!
$3 Diva Shots during the show
Apollo’s*
Comedy Clips 6pm
Karaoke 9pm
$1 Bud Light Drafts 2-8p
Karaoke 9pm
$1 Bud Light Drafts 2-8p
Male Strippers 10:30pm
All Day All Night
2 for 1 U Call-It Open-Close
‘Tini Tuesdays
2-4-1 Call Martinis Open-Close
Glee Reruns
$4 u-call-it
Karaoke 9pm
Happy Hour 8-8 $2.75 well/dom
Babylon
Friday 10pm - 2am
Pandemonium with Pandora
Saturday Neveahest
Dance party and contests
Sunday Sexy Salsa lessons
with Sal Monella!
Monday Martini Madness
w/ the Babylon Boys!
Tuesday 8pm - 2am
$5 U-Call-It
Wednesday 8pm - 2am
2-4-1
Thursday 8pm - 2am
NEVAEH’s Drag Show
BS West*
FUBAR with Elements 9:45p
$5 you call it drink & $3 beers
2-4-1 everything all night
Go-go dancers - A new tradition
Karaoke 9pm
$1 Miller Lite drafts
W.H.O.R.E. Service Industry
$2 dom $3 well $4 bombers
Community Benefit/Fundraiser
Book you event @ bswest.com
2-4-1 All Day and All Night
A valley tradion!
Karaoke 9pm
$2 drafts
Charlie’s
$3 pitchers/2-4-1 well/dom 2-7p
$1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours
$3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 12-7p
$1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours
Volleyball 4-7pm, NEW 3-4-1
$3 Long Islands, $3 pitchers
Underwear Party 8-cl 1/2 price
2-8pm $3 pitch. 2-4-1 well/dom
2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-2 well/dom
8p-Close 2-4-1 cocktails/dom
2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom
8p-close $3 Pinnacle
2-4-1 All Day!
Cocktails and beer
Cruisn’ 7th
Fridays
$2.50 well & domestic 2-7pm
Saturday
Sundays
Mondays
2-4-1 Well 7pm-9pm
Tuesdays
2-4-1 Well 7pm-9pm
Wednesdays
2-4-1 Well 7pm-9pm
Thursdays
2-4-1 Well 7pm-9pm
Dick’s Cabaret
2-4-1 VIP Dances
7pm ‘til 9pm
Off the Hook
Tons of Prizes & Giveaways
2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances &
VIP Wristbands
2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances,
VIP Wristbands
Amateur Night
Starts at 10pm
S.I.N. Bring Your Dancer ID
and get VIP Pricing
Hot Studs All Night Long
$5.00 Off with VIP Keychain
EZ Happy Hour 4-6:30pm
2-4-1 well, draft, beer & marg.
EZ Happy Hour 4-6:30pm
2-4-1 well, draft, beer & marg.
Uncorked Sundays
50% off bottles of wine
M3 Mondays
2-4-1 signature margaritas
Svedka Tuesdays
$5 Svedka Tuesdays
Late Night EZ Hour 10-mid
2-4-1 well, draft, bottle & marg.
Late Night EZ Hour
2-4-1 well, draft, bottle & marg.
Forbidden
Fresh Fridays
Red Cup Party w/ refills all night
The Barbra Seville Show
DJ Dancing
Sports Beer Bust Food specials
Happy Hour
Closed Mondays
Open Tuesday-Sunday 4p-2a
Happy Hour 3-7pm
Karaoke w/ Brad 9pm
Happy Hour 3-7pm
Showroom Trivia 7pm
Inferno Party
18+ Hotspot
icepics
MEAT - Go Go Boys/Strippers
$3 Wells, $4 Lng Isl., $2 Dom.
The Follies 10pm
Great SKYY Drink Specials
Legendary Show Tunes Sunday
$3 Wells/ $1.50 Drafts
Comedy Night
2-4-1 well / beer (8p-2a)
Mustache Ride First Tuesday
2-4-1 well / beer
Karaoke $4 martinis & Lng Isl.
$3 Well/$2 Domestic Bottle
HOT ASS Best ass wins $100
2-4-1 well / beer (8p-2a)
The Leathermen
Velocity
10:30p - 1:30a
Cruisin’ 7th |
Plazma
4:30p - 7:00p | 10:30p - 1:30p
Velocity
9:00p - 11:00p
Charlie’s
10:00p- 1:00a
R Maizie’s
Happy Hour
3-6pm Everyday
Happy Hour Brunch 9a-2p
3-6pm Everyday
Brunch All Day
$3 Bistro Burgers
$10.00 off of all Bottled Wines
Tuesday Night Fish & Chips
Wednesday BBQ Short Ribs
Selected Beers $3 Starts @ 5pm Selected Beers $3 Starts @ 5pm
Happy Hour
3-6pm Everyday
R Mi Patio
Fridays
$1.25 Margaritas on the rocks
Saturdays
Sundays
Mondays
Tuesdays
Wednesdays
Thursdays
Karamba
Fridays
$4 Pitchers
Saturdays
$4 Pitchers
Sundays with Galilea
$3 pitchers
Closed
Tejano Tuesdays
$2 Drinks All Night
Wednesdays with Diamond
$2 Drinks All Night
Thursdays with Susanna
$2 drinks all night
Pumphouse II
Bottoms Up Fridays
2-4-1 all drinks
Hot Bodz Male Revue
Hosted by Savannah
Sundays
Happy Hour All Day!
Mondays
2-4-1 7-close
Tuesdays
Dart tournament
Wednesdays
2-4-1 well & domestic
Hot Bodz Male Revue
Hosted by Savannah
The Rock
Karaoke @ 10 Poker @ 7
$5 Martinis 7pm-midnight
Diamond Dolls Mya McKenzie
$4 Bomber/$3.50 3 Olive Drinks
Rock your Funday Sunday
Tea dance, DJ, specials, food
Lady’s Night Free pool
$1 Miller Lite Drft, $4.50 Bomb.
Guys Night Out
Happy hour all day long
Industry Night
$2 Well & Domestic $3 Bombs
Poker Night $3.50 Long Islands
$1 Off Draft Pitchers
All Star Grill Specials
Great Happy Hour
All Star Grill
Opens at 11am
$8 Sunday Brunch
$8 Long Island Pitchers
Monday
Pool Tournament
2 for Tuesdays
2-4-1 drinks all day
Wednesday
All Day Happy Hour
Thursdays
2-4-1 7pm
R Switch
Fridays
Open from 11am-Midnight
Saturday
Sundays
Mondays
Tuesdays
Wednesdays
Thursdays
R Ticoz
Fridays
Saturday $1 brunch drinks
Sundays $1 brunch drinks
Mondays
Tuesdays
11am-Midnight
Wednesdays
11am-Midnight
Thursdays
11am-Midnight
Fridays Events TBA
Outrageous Happy Hour 1-8pm
Saturday Events TBA
Sundays Beer Bust
16oz. Bud & Bud Light Draft
Mondays Underwear Night 8-2a
Tuesdays $1 Bud Beer Bust 8-2 Wednesdays 2-4-1 8pm-2am
Outrageous Happy Hour 1-8pm Outrageous Happy Hour 1-8pm
Thurs Weekend Leather Launch
$2.50 Domestic 8pm-2am
Live Soul/Motown
Happy Hour 11am-8pm
Show’s at 10pm
Happy Hour 11am-8pm
Tucson’s All Day Party
Happy Hour 11am-8pm
Karaoke
Happy Hour 11am-8pm
Carribean Party
Happy Hour 11am-8pm
Thursdays
Happy Hour 11am-8pm
R FEZ
R Roscoe’s*
NEW! Sky Lounge
Velocity
Cruisin’ 7th
10:30p - 12:30p
Boi Toi Every Thursday www.boitoient.com
TUCSON
R Woody’s
R
90
FULL MENU
* LIMITED MENU/TIMES
FREE PROJECT HARD HAT CONDOMS
Wet & Wild Party
Happy Hour 11am-8pm
ION ARIZONA
IONTUCSON
CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
Ain’t Nobody’s Biz
Colors Howl at the Moon
IBT’s
Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant
Venture-N
Woody’s Yard Dog
2900 E. Broadway
5305 E. Speedway
915 W. Prince Rd.
616 N. 4th Ave.
5900 N. Oracle Rd.
1239 N. 6th Ave.
3710 N. Oracle Rd.
2449 N. Stone
(520) 318-4838
(520) 323-1840
(520) 293-7339
(520) 882-3053
(520) 887-3777
(520) 882-8224
(520) 292-6702
(520) 624-3858
445 S. Alvernon Way
5335 E. Broadway Blvd.
5900 N. Oracle Rd. 204 S. Scott Ave.
3800 E. Sunrise Dr.
(520) 881-4200
(520) 745-2700
(520) 887-4800
(877) 670-9022
(520) 742-6000
ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING
1
2
3
4
5
92
Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park
Embassy Suites
La Posada Lodge and Casitas
Royal Elizabeth B&B
The Westin La Paloma
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 93
94
March 2010
www.IONAZ.com 95
by Addison DeWitt
Shore and beggorrah.
Seems that Saint Paddy’s Day
is upon us once again. And I want all you
little Irishmen to be extra careful when you
celebrate with a wee nip here and there. The
curse of drink is that it makes you quarrel
with your neighbors and shoot at your friends.
And miss.
Our little buckaroos traveled far and wide
by stagecoach, buckboard, buggy and
bobtail nag to enjoy the fabulous AGRA
RoadRunner Regional Rodeo at
Rawhide! I saw more than a few
handsome stallions I wouldn’t mind
getting bucked by. Er, excuse me.
That was inappropriate. I meant
to say, “By whom I would not
mind getting bucked.” There.
Get outta the saddle
and sit on a happy
face! The growing
popularity of icepics
videobar’s Mustache
Ride has hirsute
and hairless alike
sporting a crumbcatcher for the party.
My ever-lovin’ pals
Truett Fuentes, Chris
Breeden and “Bad Andy”
(pictured above) always join in the follicular
frolic with a fanny duster on their upper lips.
Put on a real of phony nose neighbor and
come on down!
Jim McCleary, our beloved ex-pat we
lost to the bright lights and debauchery,
returned for a birthday Victory Come-Back
Tour. Jim and his dishy boyfriend Andrew
MacArthur celebrated with a drive-bydrinking appearance at FEZ with legions of
their adoring fans, including the smashing
David Smith, artist Thomas Carlisle and
the scrummy Jason Brewster. And you can’t
even imagine how delighted I was to see that
luscious pearl of a man Tom Awai and his
darling boyfriend Khan Nguyen.
Really, you can’t.
96
La crème de la crème attended Apollo’s
Sexiest Bartender Contest where they
stood cheek-to-jowl, which was convenient
and lucky because it was a little nippley that
night. “Fun” Bobby Hess hobnobbed with
the incradorable (incredible/adorable) Stacey
Jay Cavaliere. I felt well-guarded against
snipers and angry readers with Officers
Tambra Williams and Sanchez there
available to shoot me before anybody else
had a chance. Stand in line, kiddos. There
are plenty out there who’d love to.
Pumphouse II’s very own
bartender “Ranger” Dale
Childress cheered on
the contestants along
with my darling Matt
Little, Jason Carlton
and the Sudden-Tantastic Clayton McKee.
Hey, Clayton! Quit
bogarting all the UVAs from
us paleskins!
I flirted with Kevin Griffin
because he was so tipsy he
couldn’t fight me off and my
heart skipped a beat for the
movie-star gorgeous John
Houghton. I can’t handle that
kind of temptation, John. But
everybody knows I’m really
holding out for Ryan Freeman. Really, I am. I
adore him and he knows it.
And this from our “I Can’t Believe It Took This
Long” file. Our Party Penguin of the Month
is that born-to-be-wild child, it couldn’t be
anybody else but Mikey Rodarte! Part man,
part party animal, and part I-Don’t-KnowWhat and all wonderful. I’ve heard stories
about him that make weak men faint, and
strong men gasp. That’s Mikey! You gotta
love him! Congratulations, darling!
Tell Addison that you love him. He’s
emotionally fragile and needs a little
TLC. Even if you have to lie. Send your
best thoughts and wishes to him at
[email protected]
97
Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
in on your newfound fabulousness! But be
judicious how much you share. There are still
ten more months to go this year.
Oh no you didn’t! You leave everybody
speechless with your hutzpah and cojones
in sticky situations. If it’s your birthday you
need to keep your eye on the prize this
year. You’ll be pleasantly surprised what
Fate has in store for you.
Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22
Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20
Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23
Bitch, bitch, bitch. That’s all you seem to
hear these days. But pause and you’ll hear
the sweet silver song of a lark above all the
racket. Or you may just keep hearing all
the bitching. This is your big chance to rise
above it all. You can do it!
Gemini May 21 - June 21
You’ve been accused of lying, cheating,
indecent exposure and stealing schoolkids’
lunch money. It’s natural. You’re a Gemini,
after all. This month show everybody how
kind, creative, generous and sweet you are.
They’ll pay for your dinner and you won’t
have to steal anymore.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
With all that talent you could be a musician,
or an opera singer, or a famous actor. Or
a stripper. This month it’s up to you to take
every opportunity presented to you and
make the most of it. Or go ahead. Be a
stripper. It’s up to you.
Leo July 23 - Aug. 22
Behave, you rascal! The sap is running high
and you’ve only got one thing on your mind.
But keep your hands to yourself, keep it in
your pants and keep your legs crossed. Or
you may get more than you bargained for.
Relax; you can go crazy next month.
Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
All your hard work pays off for you this
month. It’s like you hit the jackpot in career,
love and money. Everybody wants to cash
98
www.IONAZ.com
March 2010
Hush your mouth! Remember that loose lips
sink ships. Friends and foes alike hang on
your every word. You’ve got plenty to say this
month. So you better make sure it’s all sugar
coated, sweetie. It’ll be to your advantage.
I talked to a Leo and an Aquarian, and they
don’t want anymore crap from you. Neither
do all of the Capricorns. Practice smiling
more and plucking your eyebrows evenly.
In the long run it’ll pay off. Then you can get
back to your old tricks again.
Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23
I can’t find anything in the stars that will help
you this month. You seem to lead a charmed
life. You’re witty, good looking, smart, and
cats and dogs all seem to love you. Share
your secret with the Universe this month and
give everybody else some pointers.
Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20
Every time you learn something new it seems
like everybody benefits. Except for the time
you learned how to shoot a bb gun. Not so
good. But this month you bring extra special
gifts to the table. You’ll see.
Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19
Sometimes you’re a genius, then other
times, it’s like you’ve gone off the deep end.
Which is it this month? Are you Einstein or
King George III? Try being creative with long
division and lipstick this month. It’ll make you
feel better. Geminis love a kook.
Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20
Bite someone. March in a parade. Say something inappropriate at the table. Create a
commotion. You do, anyway. Ethical actions
and solutions never seem to bother you, do
they? If it’s your birthday, get that piercing
you always wanted. No tattoos.

March 2010 www.IONAZ.cOm 1

Transcription

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