Help At Home Teen Web Safety Help At Home Teen Web Safety

May
2011
Treatment Foster Care
Teen Web Safety
THERE ARE DANGERS LURKING OUT ONLINE.
ON-lLINE.
HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR TEENAGER SAFE?
Help At Home
CHORES GIVE KIDS A DOSE OF REALITY
Essential Need
TRANSFORMATION OF CHILDREN’S
SERVICES IN VIRGINIA
VIRGINIA.
Chores Give Kids
a Dose of Reality
I felt sabotaged by a second grader when I overheard my
daughter tell her friend she had to clean her room before
she could play. “I’m too busy to clean my room,” her 7-year
old friend replied. “My mom does it for me.”
We’ve all done our share of cleaning up other people’s messes. But when did our
children become too busy, too important and too special to pick up after themselves?
One short generation ago,
household chores were
expected—not rewarded
or routinely outsourced.
I learned to cook in front
of a hot stove in grade
school. I knew how to
iron my dad’s business
shirts. And all of us would
blast the radio while we
vacuumed, dusted and
mopped. Household
chores were a way to
create order out of chaos.
But I’ve seen few children
entrusted to handle
such tasks. One mother
recently confided that her
child had no idea where
to find the sugar pot in
the house. She had never
had to explore the inner
workings of the pantry.
Perhaps we have to
change our own attitude
toward household
work. I don’t enjoy it,
myself, especially when
I’m exhausted with the
demands of work and
children. But a messy space feeds an underlying persistent anxiety. A clean, ordered home
feels like a sanctuary. It should be every family member’s responsibility to contribute to
creating that peace.
The difficulty lies in the follow-through: Who wants to repeat herself over and over again
to get a child to load a dishwasher when she can do it herself in 10 minutes? It can be
more a chore to enforce a chore.
There’s a danger in giving in to it, according to clinical psychologist Wendy Mogel, who has
written: “The Blessing of a B Minus: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Resilient Teenagers.”
The Blessing of a B Minus: Using Jewish Teachings
to Raise Resilient Teenagers by Wendy Mogel
from Scribner Publishing.
She’s the anti-Tiger Mom and argues that
too many parents overindulge, overprotect
and over schedule their children.
She cites a few disturbing examples:
5-year-olds who do not wipe their own
bottoms; 7-year-olds who cannot adjust
the hot or cold water in the shower;
13-year-olds who have never cleared the
table after they’ve eaten. When they’re
older, she says, children can say four magic
words that make any responsibility for
chores disappear: “I have a test.”
“We treat them like handicapped royalty,”
she said. And, it leads to scholar-prince
and princess syndrome. It sends the
message the certain work is worthy of their
attention—the practices, the homework,
the college-application boosting service
projects—but the rest of it, the “ordinary”
work is not worth their time. “The chores
I’m talking about are not fancy,” Mogel said.
“It’s about engaging in self-care and family
citizenship.“
What is it that turns well-intentioned parents
into their kids’ Sherpa, butler, concierge,
talent agent and ATM? Mogel asks.
“We think there’s a scarcity of future,” she
explains. Our fears and anxiety about the
changing global economy, and all the scary,
larger forces out of our control sublimate
into micromanaging our children’s lives. We
worry that the slightest perceived disadvantage
will take our children out of the running for
a decent and prosperous future, she said.
But there are consequences to raising
children in this sort of bubble. They lose
touch with reality and the benefit that
practical life lessons offer. Cooking a dish,
for example, involves some risk and a lot of
science and reading, and is infinitely better
than an enrichment class after school in
which fifth-graders are learning five words
of Mandarin, Mogel argues.
We are quick to complain about an
entitled generation, but how consistently
do we expect our children to do even half
as many chores as we did as children?
I enjoyed the humor and common sense
in much of her book, although the author
seems more liberal and permissive in some
areas than my comfort level. (Although
that’s said from the vantage point of having
elementary school-aged children not
teenagers). I especially appreciated the
Jewish traditions and teachings she shares
throughout the stories. It drives home
the message that the so-called ordinary
work in our life can be as much tied to our
spirituality as higher-status work.
Mogel retells the story of a couple who
ask Rabbi Giftner, Rosh Yeshiva of Tels, to
settle a dispute. The husband studied the
Torah all day and felt it was beneath him
to take out the trash. His wife disagreed.
The rabbi ruled that the husband had no
religious or legal obligation to take out the
garbage, although he ought to help his wife.
The next morning, before services, the rabbi
shows up at the house. The surprised husband
asks him in. The rabbi responds: “No, I’ve
come not to socialize but to take out your
garbage. You may believe it’s beneath your
dignity, but it’s not beneath mine.”
Aisha Sultan
St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Article Published in ROANOKE TIMES
on April 4, 2011
Addition by Patricia Ronk, TFC Trainer
I often get questions about how involved
our youth need to be in completing
chores. This article gives us some guidance
in a humorous manner. I’d like to add two
points: 1) We are required to help our
youth learn independent living skills, and
2) When children are a part of the life of
the family they feel they belong, and that
is important in building and maintaining
attachment. I invite you all to examine how
you might have your foster youth involved
in the chores in your household.
Program Director’s Corner
Filling an Essential Need
The Foster Care System in Virginia is in the
midst of the most dramatic and sweeping
changes that have occurred during the last
30 years. Federal Audits and the Casey
Foundation Review resulted in the state
adopting a new service model called the
Transformation of Children’s Services in
Virginia.
An effort to prevent the over utilization of
residential services has resulted in a 25%
decline in the number of children placed in
group homes and treatment centers over
the last 2 years. A second effort to reduce
the total number of children in foster care
has also resulted in about a 25% reduction
in the number of children in foster care
over the last 2 years. Children that, in the
past, would have been placed in foster care
are now being served more intensively in
their birth homes in an effort to prevent
them from being placed in foster care.
Sometimes this effort is successful but
sometimes the children end up coming
into foster care anyway. When they do,
they may have suffered more damage as a
result of being allowed to stay in their birth
homes. The end result of these trends is
that the children that need care continue
to have significant behavioral, emotional
and/or medical issues and complex needs.
The role of foster parenting has also
changed greatly over the past 30 years.
No longer is it sufficient for a foster parent
to be a caring and concerned substitute
parent. Now one also needs to be
knowledgeable about the foster care legal
system, child development, attachment,
crisis intervention, behavior management,
the effects of abuse and neglect on
children, the effects of trauma on children,
and have the ability to deal with birth
families, custodial agencies, the courts and
the gigantic bureaucracy involved in the
child welfare system.
To say the role of the foster parent is
challenging is a supreme understatement.
Even taking all the changing expectations
into consideration, the essential trait
of being a caring and concerned adult
willing to reach out and help a child in
need remains the same. Each of you, along
with the many thousands of other foster
parents around the country are filling an
essential need that must be done, with
little or no recognition or support from
your communities. Each of you are doing
this because you want to help, you are
called to do this work, and regardless of
the thanks you receive or the support you
are offered, you do it because it is the right
thing to do.
On behalf of our organization, the
community, and the State of Virginia, I
want to thank you for all the efforts, big
and small, that you do to enrich the lives
that have been entrusted to you. None of
us know what effect we have on another.
We trust that when we do the right thing,
others may see this and do likewise. This
is what we can do to make the world a
better place, better for our having been
here. Therefore let me convey once more
a genuine and heart-felt THANK YOU to
each of our wonderful foster parents.
Tom Hall,
TFC Program Director
May is National Foster Care Month
The staff at DePaul Community Resources would like to extend a heartfelt
thank you to our dedicated Foster Parents for all you do for the children
and adults you serve. You are truly making a difference!
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Than
Internet Safety for Teens
As in other areas of life, teens often
feel invincible on the Internet. Even
if they have heard about the bad things
that happen online, they may think these
risks do not apply to them. While online, teens
may be persuaded to do things or share private
information in the form of blogs, chat rooms or forums.
There is also the possibility that they will meet someone
online who makes them feel good and they want to strike
up a personal relationship. It is extremely important that teens
understand and use the following Internet safety practices.
By Karen Slate ,
Independent Living
Supervisor
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Never give out personal information to
anyone you meet online. That means first
and last names, addresses, phone numbers,
passwords, birthdates, age or credit card
information.
Never meet up with anyone you meet online
alone. Do not tell anyone online about your
schedule or where you will be hanging out.
When in chat rooms, remember that not
everyone may be who they say they are.
For example, a person who says that he is a
17-year-old boy from Virginia may really be
a 42-year-old man from Florida. Avoid chat
rooms that look sketchy or provocative.
Do not fill out “fun” questionnaires that are
forwarded to you, even if they are from your
friends. Remember, you are in a world where
everything can get forwarded. All those
personal things about you could land in the
hands of someone who could use them to
harm you.
Make sure that you know everyone on your
buddy list.
You do not have to answer emails or IMs from
people you don’t know.
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There is no such thing as “private” on the
Internet. People can find anything they want
and keep what you post.
Be careful about the pictures that you post
of yourself. Do not post sexy ones or ones
showing behavior you would not want a boss
or teacher to see.
Do not send pictures of other people.
Forwarding an embarrassing picture of
someone else is a form of bullying.
Do not share your password with anyone but
your parent, foster parent or legal guardian.
If you get suspicious e-mail or pictures, trash
them just like other junk mail.
If someone harasses you online, says anything
inappropriate or does anything that makes
you feel uncomfortable, tell an adult and
contact your Internet service provider.
Do not allow anyone to get you into online
fights. If you go looking for trouble on the
Internet, you will find it and things can get out
of control quickly.
May
2011
Treatment Foster Care
Teen Web Safety
THERE ARE DANGERS LURKING OUT ONLINE.
ON-lLINE.
HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR TEENAGER SAFE?
Help At Home
CHORES GIVE KIDS A DOSE OF REALITY
Essential Need
TRANSFORMATION OF CHILDREN’S
SERVICES IN VIRGINIA
VIRGINIA.