emo adams - businessman.co.za

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swipe me if you like me
july
2013
othic
South African G
EMO
ADAMS
talks the state
of the nation
with a political
powerhouse and a
scandalous singer
Emo interviews
got the
munchies?
FOR THE MENU
see pages
2&3
Helen Zille
Would Helen vote
Emo for president?
Steve Hofmeyr
What does Steve do when
he’s not on Twitter?
PLUS Guides to CT, Jozi, Durbs and Garden Route • Making Chardonnay the old-fashioned way
K_CoverFinal1.indd 1
2013/06/18 11:51 AM
View from
the Top
I think it is fundamentally wrong to have to get out
of bed before the sun comes up. My apologies to
all of our hardworking staff that start their shifts
at 6am, but I have planned my life so that I may
spend the hours of darkness under a blanket.
Winter is therefore an infringement on my ideal
lifestyle. Not only is it dark when I get up, but it is
also freezing cold in Gauteng, and in the evening
when I get home it is dark and freezing cold
again, like living in a cave. If I wanted to live in cave, I would be a bear and
hibernate until the sun spends a decent amount of time outdoors.
Perhaps this behaviour has to do with my ancestry. Until a few
hundred years ago, the Scandinavians and most of the peasants of
Europe would bring all of their animals indoors at the start of winter, and
everyone would crawl under a big blanket until spring. A wealthy peasant
would herd his sheep and cows and other livestock into the basement
of his house, where they would radiate enough warmth and methane to
keep the family living above cozy and comatose until the snow melted. A
poor peasant would bring Daisy the cow and Billy the goat directly into
his hovel, where they would either share the big blanket with the wife and
kids and grandma and grandpa and a few cousins, or else be made into
a blanket. Either way, the winter season would be smelly and dirty and
mighty boring. As it was impossible to do any farming, there was literally
nothing else to do but sleep and fight off grandma when she had given
up on Billy. Occasionally, a cousin who could not handle another day of
stinking family would wander outside in the hope of being eaten by a bear,
only to discover that they were hibernating, and he would die alone with
his butt cheeks frozen to a rock.
At the first sign of spring, Mr Peasant would open the door and there
would be a mad rush to get out from under the blanket, led by a distraught
Billy. Spring-cleaning did not refer to throwing out the surplus soft toys,
but rather to the first bath after six months of hibernation. Contrary to
the modern fetish, Scandinavians of old had no desire to leap into freezing
water, so they would put off the spring-clean until a few months later
when the ice had melted and cousin had been detached from the rock. In a
17th-century British guide to hygiene it was recommended that men bath at
least once a year, and women twice a year.
So in the interest of promoting personal hygiene, kulula would like you
to follow the sun this winter. Just click on www.kulula.com to see our
discounted ‘out of season’ packages where you can spend a few days away
from the family blanket. Billy will thank you for it.
Erik Venter, CEO: Comair Ltd
kulula.com
View from the Top.indd 1
Have
Your
Say
Whether you’ve had a great flight or feel like we
could improve our service, we’d like to know.
Drop us a line at [email protected].
Dear khuluma,
I was about to make scientific history on a flight from Lanseria to Cape
Town when I was rudely interrupted – but let me start at the beginning.
I had one of the best seats on the plane – one in the very first aisle – and
to my right were two bulky, rugby player lookalikes. The plane was hardly off
the ground when they both folded their arms, closed their eyes, and the guy
closest to me slipped sideways in my direction and started snoring softly.
I finished a bottle of red wine, screwed the cap on and placed the plastic
glass upside down over the bottle. After I made short change of the Mind
Benders page, boredom set in.
Meanwhile, the glass over the bottle was askew. As I corrected it,
I noticed that there was a slight indentation on the outside that allowed it
to balance on top of the bottle cap. Once the glass was perfectly balanced,
I gave it a spin. It flew off the bottle but I caught it in time, in order not to
disturb my sleeping neighbour. I tried again, this time a bit gentler, but the
spinning sort of buckled after a couple of spins.
On my 10th or 12th attempt I got it right. The glass spun and spun and
spun without, it seems, losing any momentum. I think it is called ‘infinite
energy-producing’, or ‘energy that is greater than the friction’. I couldn’t
believe it.
At the very moment I was about to make a scientific breakthrough, an
unwelcome hand grabbed the bottle and the glass, and a friendly airhostess
said, ‘I’ll take that. Thank you, sir.’ My moment of glory was gone.
I shook my head and only then did I notice that I had an audience. Both
the rugby players were watching my experiment through slanted eyes. To
my left, at least three pair of eyes were, too. They all appeared to be just as
disappointed as I was.
I shrugged my shoulders, closed my eyes and tried to get to the reasoning
behind this phenomenon. I had no other choice but to reach the conclusion
that the rhythmic snores next to me fuelled my projectile plastic cup.
See what boredom (and a bottle of good wine) makes one get up to?
Regards,
Hannes Steyn
Somerset West
JULY 2013
1
2013/06/20 1:36 PM
Final Menu for Khuluma_July.indd All Pages
Menu.indd 2
2013/06/20 1:24 PM
Menu.indd 3
2013/06/13 12:50 PM
2013/06/20 1:24 PM
guide
15
EVENTS With the Grahamstown Festival, the Knysna Oyster Festival, the Durban July and more
happening this month, who ever said winter was boring?
20
EAT Deconstructing comfort kos, and constructing your own home brewery
25
SHOP Dress domestically with these hot local designers
27
SLEEP A hotel fit for a president (or a prime minister, depending on your country’s political system)
31
WATCH What’s on at the box office, plus we chat to Deon Meyer about his directorial debut
33
READ Rediscovering family and Joburg
35
LISTEN Dan Patlansky goes acoustic, Daughter gets ethereal, and Iggy Pop is still actually alive
15
Contents.indd 4
t’s
a
h
W this
in ue
iss
2013/06/21 8:44 AM
EVERYTHING WE TOUCH TURNS TO SOLD
Kwamadala Lodge
Kwamadala with its elegant colonial decor makes the perfect backdrop for your “Out of Africa” experience. Located only
2 hours from Gauteng, the lodge is situated within the 12,000Ha Mabalingwe Nature Reserve which boasts the big 5
among many other game and abundant bird life.
Kwamadala is excellently appointed with comfortable furnishings complemented by sumptuous Persian rugs and
carpets. It has all the exclusive comforts you would expect in a modern home – swimming pool, satellite TV, microwave
oven, ice-maker, water cooler/filter, hot beverage making facilities and bar fridges in all the chalets. (All contents &
game drive vehicle included in the price). Activities available in the area include open vehicle game drives, elephant back
safaris, quadbike safaris and mountain biking. The Peter Matkovich designed Elements Private Golf Reserve (voted as
one of the top 10 golf courses in SA) is 10 minutes from Kwamadala as well as the Zebula Country Club.
For more information Contact: Annelie Botha
Cell: 076 317 5927 or E-mail me on [email protected]
R5.8 Million
www.aida.co.za
WIN A
75
regulars
1
11
12
LETTERS Your words, our paper
ÜBER-EDITOR’S LETTER Emo Adams is assembling his
political cabinet
KULULA PAGES Five tips on buying cheaper tickets, plus
Trev impresses his lady in George
chat
38
45
51
POLITICIAN Emo unearths Helen’s love of Elsies
River fashion
MUSICIAN Emo gets just a little emotional with Steve
LOCAL HERO Koenraad Pretorius is a record-breaking
swimmer … with someone else’s liver inside him
action
57
63
71
75
78
83
87
89
91
93
95
96
Contents.indd 7
TRAVEL Planning a skiing holiday? Think twice before you
hit the ice
BEHIND THE SCENES Hangover-free wine? Where do
I sign up?
CARS Meet the ultimate vehicle for young men seeking a
no-strings-attached thrill. It’s called, subtly, a Kuga
CONSERVATION Birds of a broken feather get patched
up together
Spend R350 on a Bedford gift card
or at any Bedford store and stand to
WIN A R1 MILLION
BEDFORD SHOPPING SPREE!
DRAW DATES
27 July 2013 @ 11am | 28 September 2013 @ 11am
30 November 2013 @ 11am | 25 January 2014 @ 11am
29 March 2014 @ 11am
*Entrants must be present!
MIND BENDERS Our positively puzzling page
GAMES Three blasts from the past
BUSINESS Why a pessimistic investment choice is a good
investment choice
PROPERTY Secure your home – and your peace of mind –
when going on holiday
HEALTH Why face fuzz is good for you, plus tips for staying
healthy through the chilly months
GADGETS A bulb for blackouts and one wily wallet
See www.bedfordcentre.com for terms and conditions
Cnr Smith & Van der Linde Rd,
Bedfordview, JHB
-26.187547 S 28.12573 E
Tel: 011 622 1840
PETS Fancy cuddling up to a spitting scorpion?
COLUMN What happens in Vegas really, really should stay
in Vegas
2013/06/21 8:45 AM
JE TSE T T E R CHAT
GLOBAL
GLOBAL
EDITOR
Anthony Sharpe
[email protected]
CONTENT COORDINATOR
Vanessa Payne
COPY EDITOR
Thomas Castley
PRODUCTION EDITOR
Shamiela Brenner
HEAD OF DESIGN STUDIO
Rashied Rahbeeni
DESIGNERS
Dalicia du Plessis
Mfundo Ndzo
BUSINESS MANAGER
Robin Carpenter-Frank
[email protected]
PROJECT MANAGER
Richard White
[email protected]
SALES CONSULTANTS
Bonnie Eksteen, Randall Grace, Francois King, Steve Norval, Marc Plastow,
Andre Potgieter, Luke Roebert, Roman Ross, Clint Smith, Zelda Stein
FINANCIAL ACCOUNTANT
Lodewyk van der Walt
COVER PHOTOGRAPH
Morné van Zyl
To advertise in this magazine please contact
Richard White (Project Manager)
021 469 2500 or [email protected]
SENIOR GM:
NEWSPAPERS AND MAGAZINES
Mike Tissong
ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER
Jocelyne Bayer
kulula.com
CEO COMAIR LIMITED
Erik Venter
BRAND MANAGER, kulula.com
Revell Leyds
COMAIR LIMITED
1 Marignane Drive, Bonaero Park, Kempton Park, 1619
Tel 011 921 0111
kulula.com contact centre 0861 KULULA (585852)
Visit us online at: www.gtasa.co.za
PRINTING
CTPprinters
CAPE TOWN
Copyright: No portion of this magazine may be reproduced in any form without written consent of the publishers. The publishers
are not responsible for unsolicited material. khuluma is published monthly by Picasso Headline Reg: 59/01754/07. The
opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Picasso Headline, kulula or Times Media. All advertisements/advertorials and
promotions have been paid for and therefore do not carry any endorsement by the publishers. While every effort has been made
to ensure the accuracy of its contents, neither kulula, nor the publisher can be held responsible for any omissions or errors, or
for any misfortune, injury or damages that may arise therefrom. We reserve the right to edit interviews for layout purposes.
kulula.com
Credits.indd 9
GTASA_Khuluma95x230_P.indd 1
2013/06/04
1:15 PM
2013/06/24
3:48 PM
Is the
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i
Ju the
www.jamfactory.co.za
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Rather Consider Cambist
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ÜBER-EDITOR OF THE MONTH
Emo Adams
pictures: morné van zyl
Putting the party in
political party
IF YOU’RE READING THIS, then I have successfully taken over the
magazine and probably the cover too. Which was my intention to begin
with. First, take over the magazine, then the plane, then the country. Yes,
you guessed it, I wanna be president of the United States of South Africa.
Why? Because I can actually sing the anthem.
So then I was asked, ‘Emo, if you could choose any two high-profile
people to be part of your cabinet or political campaign, who would you
choose and why?’ The obvious two people that came to mind were
Madame Premier Helen Zille and Steve Hofmeyr, because they’re
both avid, verified Twitter users and, yes, it’s really them replying. So
feel free to bother them on the following Twitter handles: @helenzille
and @steve_hofmeyr.
Anyway, getting back to business, I hope you didn’t think I was just
gonna hand them the job on a silver platter ... hell no. Like any job, I had to
put them through an intense interview process to make sure Helen can
sing and Steve can politic (not sure if that is actually a thing).
Helen Zille is the coolest ever. I’ve met her a few times before and she
was aware of who I am, but nothing like this. She was so casual and there
was no need for formalities. I must admit, it was more like chatting to
an old friend or a mommy figure, if you will. I soon came to discover this
smart woman is driven by passion.
kulula.com
Guest ed's letter.indd 11
If you don’t know the name Steve Hofmeyr, you’re not from this
country. I’ve been following this man for years. Not literally, though, but
his career and his beautiful songwriting captured me. He is one of the
pioneers who influenced me in my career and I’ve got his number on
speed dial! I can safely say this dude is a cool cat with wit that covers
music, rugby and, yes, politics.
I asked these two just about everything under the sun so I think you
might get to know them a bit better. Heck, you might even get to know
me a bit better, and then you can also join my political party, called
My Birthday Party. I promise free rides to Robben Island and cake on
your birthday, so do the right thing and vote Emo Adams for president!
Emo’s creds
Singer, actor, talk-show host, producer and businessman are
just some of the titles you can link to Emo’s name, but one that
really stands out is entertainer. He’s man who sees the funny in
most things, but has a serious side that is reflected in his love
for his country. Catch up with Emo on www.emoadamslive.co.za
or @emoadams.
Who will be our next ed?
South Africa’s a funny place. It’s got lots of funny people. And
some are damn hilarious. Every month, khuluma chooses
a particularly amusing individual to be our über-editor. This
funny man or woman interrogates prominent South Africans
for us. So book your flight for next month to see who it’ll be.
JULY 2013
11
2013/06/21 8:51 AM
Flying 101:
Five tips on booking affordable flights
Booking your flights for work or a holiday should be a quick and exciting process. Check out our five tips on
booking affordable flights, because saving on flights means more money to have fun with on your holiday.
1. Early bird catches the cheapest flight
Prices are influenced by supply and demand,
so try book your flights far in advance. When
we open ticket sales, we start with the lowest
fares. As those are taken, the next batch is
released and priced accordingly. Busy periods
like special holidays, long weekends, major
sporting events and concerts are always be
more expensive.
2. Keep calm and fly on a quiet day
If your schedule allows, try to book a Tuesday,
Wednesday or Saturday flight. These are
usually the quietest days of the week, which
means less demand for seats, and lower
prices. The most expensive days to fly are
12
JULY 2013
kulula_pages V2.indd 12
Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays as flights are in
high demand.
3. It’s all about timing
Avoid peak times, as these flights are most
expensive. Flying mid-morning can save you
a few hundred rands, and you won’t have to
contend with traffic on your way to the airport.
Also, flying later in the evening, from 7:30pm
onwards, is usually more affordable.
4. Avoid the mainstream
When flying to a city with more than one airport,
check which offers cheaper flights. In Gauteng,
flying to and from Lanseria Airport is often
cheaper than OR Tambo, as they charge lower
airport taxes, so airlines can afford to charge less
for these tickets. Although it may mean car rental
and more travel time, it might still be worth it.
5. Make the most of loyalty rewards
Sign up for kulula’s newsletter to get alerts
when tickets are going on sale the day before, so
you can be ready to hop online first thing in the
morning. If you’re a kulula credit cardholder, you
can earn kulula moolah whenever you swipe your
card. Your moolah can be used to pay or partpay for flights booked on kulula.com. Discovery
Vitality members qualify for a discount when
booking kulula flights, and eBucks customers
can pay or part-pay for kulula flights using their
accumulated eBucks.
kulula.com
2013/06/20 1:10 PM
Get great deals with
our partners
Tsogo Sun Hotels – an icon of memories
Trev’s Hot Spots
Get your money’s worth
My lady was complaining the other day that
I never take her anywhere. I reminded her of the
burger joint with the lekker two-for-one specials
we went to just the previous night. ‘No,’ she said,
less than impressed, ‘I mean you never take me
anywhere nice.’
We clearly had different ideas of what was
‘nice’, but to keep the peace I asked her where
she’d like to go, then. From the mysterious
recesses of her giant handbag, she produced a
printout of kulula’s latest getaway deal. It was for
a three-night stay at the Hyatt Regency Oubaai
Golf & Spa Resort in George.
It wasn’t even nearly as pricey as I would’ve
assumed and I couldn’t think of an excuse not
to go. From just R3 499 per person sharing, we
could get three nights in a ‘King Room’ (nogal),
including breakfast (minimum three nights stay).
Plus return flights from Joburg to George and
three days’ car rental. So, off we went.
When we arrived at the Hyatt Regency Oubaai
Golf & Spa Resort, the lady insisted on getting
a couple’s massage. Tucking my wallet deeper
into my pocket, I tried to resist, but she was
adamant and before I knew it, I found myself in
the resort’s Freesia Spa. I felt super relaxed after
the 30-minute massage. We spent the next three
days exploring the environment. Nature isn’t too
THE NOTICEBOARD
shabby in those parts, what with white sandy
beaches and lush indigenous forests.
I also got to play a few rounds of golf while
the lady treated herself to a few more rounds
at the spa. The ‘Big Easy’ (Ernie Els) himself
designed the golf course at the resort, would
you believe.
As someone who’s seen many great deals
in his life, I can tell you that you can’t afford to
miss out on this one. The few things not included
are tips, meals (except for the hotel breakfast),
beverages and personal items. Standard
kulula legal stuff applies, the offer is subject to
availability and single supplements do apply.
The price is correct at the time of publication.
This deal is valid from 1 July –
31 October.
My lady and
I will definitely go
back to the Hyatt
Regency Oubaai Golf
& Spa Resort. It’s
nice. And on that we
can both agree.
Cheers until next time,
With 44 years of experience, Tsogo Sun is the
leading hotel group in Africa, providing worldclass accommodation across all market
segments. We continue to revolutionise the
hospitality industry with our innovative spirit,
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With a portfolio of more than 90 hotels,
including the new complex Southern Sun
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brands, each able to offer a precisely tailormade experience to our guests. As a trusted
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we are proud to be able to give our guests
free, high-speed Wi-Fi per room, every day
of their stay. We understand that maintaining
communication when on the move is an
integral part of our lives. Now guests can
connect on us – there really is no other reason
to go anywhere else.
Our association with kulula provides our
guests with the ability to travel throughout South
Africa to the widest selection of well-known
hotels. Tsogo Sun and kulula holiday packages
include breakfast, and kids under 18 sharing a
room with two adults stay and eat breakfast free.
loyalty
Save up to 35% on local flights! You can as a
Discovery Vitality member.
loyalty
Got some eBucks? Pay or part-pay for your
next kulula flight using your eBucks.
loyalty
Protea Hotels ensure your stay with them
is as unique as the kulula experience. Try
out any one of the hotels – you won’t forget
the experience.
Rent a car with your flight and get a 10%
discount, or get the best rates with Europcar.
Trevor
twitter.com/kulula
facebook.com/iflykulula
packing big?
Fold, roll or bundle? Whichever method you use, the key is not to over-pack: squashed clothes are creased clothes. The same is true for garments that are too
loosely packed. We know you need those winter jackets, but if you’re packing big, remember you can only travel with one bag weighing a maximum of 20kg on
kulula.com. Should you need an extra bag, it’s best to purchase one online or through the contact centre at least two hours prior to your flight for just R245. Alternatively,
if your bag weighs more than 20kg at the airport a heavy bag fee of R250 will be charged and an extra bag will be charged at R350.
kulula.com
kulula_pages V2.indd 13
JULY 2013
13
2013/06/20 1:10 PM
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8
EVENTS GUIDE
What’s On?
If you were planning on spending July on the couch hiding under a blanket,
then think again…
Joburg and environs
JHB
Cape Town and environs
CPT
Durban and environs
DBN
Garden Route & Eastern Cape
GR
JULY –
OCTOBER
City
Sightseeing
UNTIL 7
JULY
JULY – OCTOBER
complied by: stuart ferguson; pictures: supplied
CPT DBN JHB GR
SIGHTSEEING
Anybody who has been to the
Mother City will tell you that
you cannot see everything in
one visit, but that shouldn’t
stop you from trying. City
Sightseeing is the premier
hop-on hop-off bus tour in
Cape Town. You can visit
iconic Table Mountain, lush
Kirstenbosch, the Constantia
wine route, or just sit back and
watch the passing scenery. For
foreign guests, the buses come
preloaded with commentary
in 16 different languages. For
the winter months there is a
special running that allows
two kids to ride free with every
adult ticket purchased. You
can grab your tickets outside
kulula.com
Events.indd 15
the Two Oceans Aquarium
for R150 per person, or you
can purchase them online at
www.citysightseeing.co.za for a
further R30 discount.
Please note: Tours of the Cape
will fill you hope.
UNTIL 7 JULY
CPT DBN JHB GR
FESTIVAL, ART AND
CULTURE
The National Arts Festival
– more commonly known as
the Grahamstown Festival
– is one of South Africa’s
most important art festivals,
as well as being the largest
annual celebration of art on
the African continent. The joy
of the festival lies in wandering
around the picturesque town,
going from theatre stage to
National Arts
Festival
art exhibition to a café where
you can lift your feet while the
blues play. There’s a staggering
array of entertainment and
culture on offer. Check out
www.nationalartsfestival.co.za
for more info.
Please note: The festival’s
only over when your art
stops beating.
UNTIL 7 JULY
CPT DBN JHB GR
FESTIVAL, OYSTER
The annual Pick n Pay Knysna
Oyster Festival is here again.
This family-orientated festival
plays host to numerous other
mini-events, including sports
matches, township tours, art
exhibitions, skating and BMXing,
cooking classes, live music, and
of course the consumption of
UNTIL 7
JULY
Pick n Pay
Knysna Oyster
Festival
JULY 2013
15
2013/06/21 8:52 AM
JUNE2013_khuluma.indd 1
2013/06/04 9:18 AM
EVENTS GUIDE
close to a quarter of a million
oysters. So stroll around, take
in the vibe, try an oyster from
every outlet and don’t forget
your Tabasco. Check out
www.oysterfestival.co.za for
more info.
Please note: Mussels are not
required to open these oysters.
Vodacom
Durban July
EVENT OF THE MONTH
6 JULY
4 JULY
CPT DBN JHB GR
CPT DBN JHB GR
FESTIVAL, WINE
If you’re looking for something
different to tantalise your taste
buds, Young Guns 3 is the
place to be. The event features
winemakers who are pushing the
boundaries. With each winemaker
coming from an established
estate, you are guaranteed not
only something new, but also
something of quality. Experiment
a bit at the Sol Kerzner School
of Hospitality and Tourism,
University of Johannesburg.
Tickets are priced at R250 per
person and are available from
www.webtickets.co.za.
Please note: Offering someone
a ticket to the gun show is never,
ever an acceptable pickup line.
4
JULY
Young Guns 3
kulula.com
Events.indd 17
6
JULY
HORSERACING
It’s that time of the year again, when wearing a cocktail dress and a top hat in the afternoon is perfectly
acceptable – the Vodacom Durban July is around the corner. With the current purse sitting at
R2.5-million, you’d better believe the jockeys will be pushing their steeds as they gallop down the 2 200m
track. Ordinary tickets cost R200; visit www.vodacomdurbanjuly.co.za/tickets.html to see where they’re
available. If you wish to splurge a bit more go to www.durbanjuly.info/packages.htm for something a bit
fancier. If you’re feeling lucky and wish to place a bet on that horse you know is going to win, Marshalls
World of Sport are the people to do it with. They offer internet betting via www.worldofsport.co.za or
telephonic betting via 08600 77678, making it that much easier to back your bronco.
Please note: This is one occasion when you are encouraged to scream yourself horse.
13 JULY
CPT DBN JHB GR
AIRSHOW
Taking place at Virginia Airport,
the Durban Airshow is the
final event of the KZN Winter
Air Tour and promises to be
the best. There’s a variety of
aircraft piloted by seasoned
veterans, promising tumbles,
loops and other gravity-defying
stunts. As an added bonus,
there will be a TV feed from the
cockpits of the planes, giving
you a view from above. Tickets
are priced at R100 for adults
and R50 for children, and can
be bought on the day or via
www.kznwinterairtour.co.za.
Please note: It would be just
plane crazy to miss this.
13
JULY
Durban
Airshow
JULY 2013
17
2013/06/21 8:52 AM
GUIDE EVENTS
28 JULY –
4 AUGUST
World
Transplant
Games
19-20 JULY
CPT DBN JHB GR
FESTIVAL, WINE
Now that winter has us in its
icy grip, there are few things
more enticing than a delicious
bowl of hot soup. Add to that
a glass or two of fine wine and
you can easily beat back the
winter chills. That’s why the
Breedekloof winemaking area
is hosting the annual Soetes &
Soup festival. Your ticket buys
free entry and a complimentary
cup of steaming soup at all
participating wineries. Tickets
are priced at R50 per person.
For more information contact
Breedekloof Tourism on
023 349 1791.
Please note: This festival brings
a new meaning to the term
‘liquid lunch’.
19-20
JULY
28 JULY – 4 AUGUST
CPT DBN JHB GR
SPORT
The World Transplant Games,
being held in Durban this year,
aim to increase awareness about
organ donation and the success
stories of transplant recipients.
With over 50 sporting events,
the games are open to qualifying
transplant recipients aged 4-80.
Come watch the triumph of the
human spirit over adversity. For
more info on venues and times
visit www.wtg2013.com. See
our story on WTG contestant
Koenraad Pretorius on page 51.
Please note: This is about
lending a whole lot more than
just a helping hand.
2 AUGUST
CPT DBN JHB GR
CHARITY
For the past 25 years, Reach
For A Dream has fulfilled the
dreams of children fighting
against life-threatening
illnesses. There are thousands
of kids whose only wish would
be to have a childhood without
pain and illness. Making their
dreams come true inspires
them to believe that tomorrow
is worth fighting for. The Reach
For Your Slippers campaign is
a fun way to raise funds. Donate
R10 and wear your slippers all
day – to school, work or even
the golf course – to show your
support. For more info, visit
www.reachforadream.org.za.
Please note: Slipsters may wear
vintage, handcrafted slippers.
2
AUGUST
Reach For
Your Slippers
Soetes & Soup
festival
18
Events.indd 18
JULY 2013
kulula.com
2013/06/21 8:52 AM
E103339 Eskom BIC Print Ad EN Man Khu 240 fa.pdf
1
2013/06/14
4:02 PM
GUIDE EAT
Is chicken
soup really
good for
the soul?
Anna Trapido ponders how
comforting comfort food really is.
Alphabet soup
Dr Natalie Savona, director of the London
Institute of Optimum Nutrition, found that
‘an exaggerated adrenal gland stress
20
Eat NEW.indd 20
JULY 2013
response can be modified by eating
foods rich in protein, vitamins B3, B5, B6
and C’. Et voila! A scientifically approved
excuse for eating a large bowl of mashed
potatoes and melt-in-the-mouth oxtail
this winter. Or umngqusho with Xhosa
uluso (tripe), or skaapstertjies (slowroasted sheep tails) with those überyummy sweet potatoes that say 'my
mummy loves me' in Afrikaans.
More roast potato with that?
The thing is that what any of us define
as comfort cuisine is culturally specific
because our mothers are culturally
distinct. My mum didn’t make tripe, so it
doesn’t have emotional resonance for me.
All the meals described above contain
the active ingredients necessary for
mood elevation and they are cooked
throughout the land in a domestic
context, but curiously only a pastiche of
posh colonial motherhood makes it onto
South African so-called ‘comfort cuisine’
menus in restaurants. Cottage pies and
roast chickens abound, but where are
the vetkoek with mince or umphokoqo
with rich, luscious amasi? What makes
one man’s nutritional nostalgia more
marketable than another’s?
The cost of comfort
The result is that many customers are
insufficiently soothed by their suppers.
Which is a big cheek, given what chefs
charge for comfort kos. Why are we
paying through the nose for food that
we could eat at our mothers’ houses?
There seems to be a surcharge added
when professionals mimic the cooking of
amateurs. Surely comfort and dumbeddown exploitation are not the same thing?
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what
food hits your comfort hot spot on a
cold night, as long as something
or someone is catering for your
alimentary needs. Voltaire wrote
that ‘nothing would be more tiresome
than eating and drinking if God had not
made them a pleasure as well as a
necessity’. How right he was – doubly
so on a cold night…
illustration: rashied rahbeeni
UNLESS YOU WERE a poor baby monkey
in one of those sadistic 1950s psychiatric
experiments (you know the ones – they
were made to cuddle up to barbed-wire
models of mummy monkeys), you will
know that the link between food, warmth
and love starts literally as mother’s milk.
As winter draws in and temperatures
drop, many of us experience seasonal
sadness and start self-medicating
with comfort kos. The good news is
that it works. The Australian Centre of
Neuropsychotherapy (ACNP) found that
eating steamed potatoes could be more
effective than antidepressant drugs in
treating depression. Apparently, the
carbohydrates in potatoes trigger the
uptake of tryptophan by brain cells, which
is then converted to serotonin. Serotonin
is a neurotransmitter that has the effect of
producing a sense of calm.
kulula.com
2013/06/20 1:15 PM
R5 FROM EVERY
CELEBRITY CHEF PIZZA SOLD
PIZZA CHALLENGE LIVE!
WEB BASED REALITY SHOW
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fundraiser for the Red Cross War Memorial Children’s
Hospital and Paediatric Healthcare in the Western Cape.
Help choose our next Celebrity Chef! Watch
the Pizza Challenge Live videos and cast your vote.
Visit: WWW.COLCACCHIO.CO.ZA/PIZZACHALLENGE
WINES · SOUTH AFRICA
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2013/06/18 10:09 AM
EAT GUIDE
Nice one, brew
Forget bootlegging: making your own beer is now legit,
loads of fun and easier than ever. So grab your grain bucket.
UNTIL RECENTLY, words like ‘grain
Lynnae compares using the beerbucket’ and ‘hydrometer’ might have
making starter kit to baking a premixed
belonged in a laboratory, but with
cake, and says experimenting starts at a
numbers of home brewers on the rise,
later stage, when brewers start selecting
it seems the boy next door has evolved
their own hops, grains and yeast strains.
into the brewer next door. Home-brewing
She describes the developments as a beer
kits are turning suburban bathrooms
revolution. ‘People are getting educated,
and kitchens into mini-breweries, with
and now know about things like Indian
equipment (ranging in price from R650 to
Pale Ale and wheat beer.’
R1 000) available from an ever-increasing
‘Interest from home brewers buying
number of suppliers around the country.
their own kits has gone through the roof,’
Erik Verster, creative director at a
says Martin Tucker, owner of Keg King,
Johannesburg marketing agency, became
which delivers kegs for functions and
so well acquainted with the brewing
offers College of Beer courses. Martin,
process while creating an
who also founded
animated version of it for SAB
the Cape Town
that he decided to try brewing
Festival of Beer in
his own. ‘It really sparked an
2009, attributes the
interest,’ says Erik, ‘and the
growth of craft and
agency started brewing beer as
home brewing to beer
corporate gifts for our clients,
events, improved
which was extremely popular –
availability of craft
Rule 1: Cleanliness is
we even created our own labels.’
beer in restaurants
next to godliness
and the current cool
Good beer is always made
Baking beer
factor associated with
with clean equipment.
Proving that beer isn’t just for
all things handmade.
Ensure all equipment,
the boys, Capetonian Lynnae
especially your bucket
fermenter, is clean and
United we sip
Endersby started brewing her
sterilised before using it.
The beer revolution
own beer five years ago. It
Rule 2: Do not
isn’t just about the
became such a passion that
overcomplicate it
little guys, though.
last year she opened BeerLab
People have been
SAB, apart from
in Cape Town, supplying
making beer for about
10 000 years. You do not
providing experts
beer ingredients and brewing
need top-of-the-range
such as brewing
equipment, and offering brewing
brewing equipment to
science consultant
classes to budding brewmasters.
make great beer.
Bettie Lodolo and
‘When I started,’ says Lynnae,
Rule 3: Join a
brewmaster Danie
‘there was one small shop in
brewing club
There are other home
Odendaal to speak at
Johannesburg where you could
brewers as passionate as
various club meetings,
buy ingredients, but in the past
you out there and you can
also provides malt and
year many more suppliers have
learn from each other. If
hops to the industry,
opened, offering equipment
there isn’t a club in your
and sponsors the
and hops.’
area, start one.
text: lauren cohen; pictures: supplied
Danie
Odendaal’s
golden rules
for home
brewing
kulula.com
Eat NEW.indd 23
annual Intervarsity Brewing Competition,
which sees 11 universities pit their home
brews against each other. Danie himself,
unsurprisingly a keen home brewer, has
made more than 40 different styles of beer
in his home-built brewery.
From BeerLab’s half-day partial mash
beginner course and full-grain brewing
course for the more experienced, to Cape
home-brewing supply store Beerguevara’s
weekly workshops, it is clear that beer
drinkers are not just craving a drink, but
also have a thirst for knowledge to create
their own.
Get started
The SouthYeasters Home Brewers Club
has a pretty decent list of local suppliers
of equipment and ingredients. Check out
www.southyeasters.co.za.
MYBEER HEROES CLUB
The MyBeer Heroes Club is a collaboration
between the League of Beers, which
sources hard-to-find and interesting beers,
and SAB. Rob Heyns, co-founder of the
League of Beers, describes it as ‘a platform
for discussion on topics of interest – beer
tasting, new types of hops or brewing
techniques – to be shared between SAB
and independent brewers’. It centres around
the MyBeer App, which allows those still
sober enough to operate their smartphones
to judge their favourite ales. Check out
www.mybeer.co.za.
JULY 2013
23
2013/06/20 1:16 PM
Like my
threads,
china?
Lize Hartley dresses down
the best of indigenous design.
SHOP GUIDE
IF YOU LOVE South Africa (and if you don’t …
seriously?), buying local should be at the top of
your priority list. And if you love fashion, there
are plenty of reasons to support the country’s
local designers. Look in the right places,
and you’ll find a growing selection of quality
wardrobe essentials as well as trendy pieces that
speak to each designer’s personality and style –
and are of superb quality, to boot.
Buying local means not only supporting
homegrown industry; it means buying an item
that, unlike the cheap, mass-produced imports
from China, isn’t likely to be seen on your best
friend at a party. Here are some of South Africa’s
top fashion offerings right now.
For wardrobe staples that will
last a lifetime and never go out
of style, Habits is the place to
go. Every item is top quality, and
you’ll find a variety of items that
are the epitome of class. This
crisp white shirt is a wardrobe
essential, and the sweet Peter
Pan collar gives it a feminine
touch. R999, from Habits.
pictures: supplied
The likes of Suits and Mad Men
have reminded us all of the beauty
of a well-fitted suit on a man. We
may not all have jobs that require
a power suit every day, but when
the opportunity to wear one does
arise, these navy pants will do the
trick. R476, Adriaan Kuiters, also
available at www.style36.co.za.
Tapestry-style prints and fabrics are big right now and, luckily for us
here in the southern hemisphere, they are the perfect complement
to any winter wardrobe. Wear these shorts over black tights for a bit
of visual interest in the drab winter months. R499, Jo Borkett, also
available from www.spree.co.za.
kulula.com
Shop.indd 25
Forget the LBD: your new
must-have is the LWD (Little
White Dress). This simple
version from local designer
Margot Molyneux will go
with everything, and it’s
perfect for casual weekend
picnics, lounging at home
with a good book, or Sunday
lunch with the family. Pair it
with sandals and a leather
waist belt, and a cardigan
when it gets chilly – you’ll
get a lot of wear out of this.
R550, also available online at
www.margotmolyneux.com.
For the guys, Sergeant Pepper offers topquality basics with details that set their
items apart from the rest. The Brawley
Check Shirt is a winter essential for men.
It’s cosy but still manly and perfect for a
wintry weekend away involving red wine and a
fireplace! R599, Sergeant Pepper, available at
www.stylemology.com or Stuttafords.
This cowl-neck dress
is flattering for all
figures, the perfect
colour for autumn and
winter, and can be
dressed up or down for
any occasion, day or
night. With Klŭk CGDT
behind this piece, you
can be assured that
you’re sporting the
absolute top in local
design, and the dress
will pay for itself in the
envious looks you’ll get.
R2 200, Klŭk CGDT,
also available from
www.style36.co.za.
JULY 2013
25
2013/06/20 1:12 PM
SLEEP GUIDE
SPEND THE NIGHT…
Of presidents,
promenades
and pools
text: anthony sharpe; pictures: anthony sharpe, supplied
FIRE IN THE SKY
Our stay in the hotel included
a complimentary audiovisual
extravaganza.
27
Sleep.indd 27
PAC YOUR TRUNKS
The designers of the
hotel’s pool were obviously
huge fans of Pac-Man.
MARCH 2013
kulula.com
We arrived at the Protea Hotel
President soaking wet from
the storm, squelching across
the lobby like a pair of drowned
rats. Mercifully, we were treated
better than dead vermin and,
instead of being scooped up and
deposited in a dumpster, were
welcomed warmly and offered
the key to our sea-facing
apartment on the fourth floor.
Bring your lock forwards
The room was bright, white and
uncluttered, with a seductivelooking couch in the lounge
positioned next to glass sliding
doors that opened onto the
Juliet balcony, with a view of
the pool and palms below, and
the luxury apartments and
ocean beyond. The separate
bedroom sported a double bed
of the kind that just begs to be
jumped on, without the danger
of spinal dislocation offered by
my granite mattress at home.
Having created my own
indoor water feature in the
form of the growing puddle
around my feet, I defrosted
under a blissfully hot jet of
water in the shower, which was
large enough to accommodate
the entire forward pack of a
European rugby team – if you’re
into that sort of thing. I’m not,
so I stuck to watching the game
on the flat-screen telly instead,
ensconced on the couch, while
the world exploded outside.
Rain rattled against the window
and lightning illuminated the
contours of the cloudy sky,
followed by growls of thunder
that loomed ever closer and
louder as the worst weather
of the year so far lashed the
Mother City.
This may not sound like the
best way to experience a stay
along this famous stretch of
coastline, but honestly, I’ve
never appreciated a hotel room
as much. It was with great
difficulty that we excavated
ourselves from the couch to
head down for dinner at The
Islands Restaurant, situated
just down from the lobby.
Fork the pork
The restaurant wasn’t packed
but there was a buzz, with
a table of German tourists
enjoying the finest of South
African ales (Black Label,
for the uninitiated) at a table
near us, couples exchanging
flirtatious glances over
starters, and businessy folk
sharing romantic meals with
JULY 2013
27
2013/06/20 1:35 PM
SLEEP GUIDE
Giveaway
ISLAND STYLE
The Islands Restaurant is
not actually on an island.
SUN, SET, ENGAGE
This is what the sunset looks
like when there’s not a hurricane
outside your window.
their cellphones. The food was
pleasant, if a little uneven –
the vanilla-poached salmon
was light and delicious, while
the beef fillet carpaccio was
accompanied by goat’s cheese
encased in shells of what
seemed like the gourmet
equivalent of a Fizz Pop.
The line fish with pickled
curry sauce was tasty and
wholesome; however, the applesmoked pork fillet, while tasty,
was a bit dry and overcooked.
The menu changes regularly,
with a different focus every
month, so expect something
different each time.
When it came to dessert, we
found our mouths were hungrier
than our bellies, so we had the
rooibos tea-smoked cheesecake
and smoked butter vanilla
shortbread sent up to the room
with a pair of sinful dom pedros,
to be consumed in decadent
fashion from the comfort of bed
while we channel-flicked on the
second TV.
kulula.com
Sleep.indd 29
ALMOST PERFECT
The feng shui of symmetry
was ruined by twig #14 on the right.
REMOTELY CHALLENGING
Make sure you grab that remote
before you get into bed – you
may never want to rise again.
Morning has broken
(my eggs)
We awoke refreshed and ready
to take on the world … until we
realised that the world was still
cold, grey and very damp.
So instead, we took on the
breakfast buffet, which was,
as I’ve come to expect from a
Protea hotel, colossal. After
hiking in opposite directions
for a few hours – she towards
the waffles and muesli, and
I towards the cheese and cold
meats – we met up at the sternlooking omelette queen, who
deftly wrapped an assortment
of mushrooms, tomatoes, diced
peppers and sautéed onions in a
blanket of golden eggy wonder.
I left the breakfast table even
more stuffed than at dinner,
regretting ever so slightly that
last greedy bite of waffle.
Everything else…
The President’s location is key
to its attraction. It lies at the far
end of the Sea Point Promenade
– that famous stretch populated
by dog-walkers, baby mommas,
hordes of sweaty runners and
plenty of beautiful people. It’s
also within walking distance of
about 800 Asian restaurants,
along with a few other varieties,
along Main Road, and a fiveminute cab ride from the CBD.
The hotel also features a
tiny gym, a salon, a gift shop,
100MB of Wi-Fi free per day,
conferencing facilities for up to
350 guests, and that glorious
pool. Unfortunately, we did not
get to enjoy the latter in any
sense other than aesthetically,
but it is an azure beauty – with
a fountain and rim-flow edges.
This may have been the cosiest
hotel stay I’ve ever had, but next
time, I’m coming in summer.
Value
Rates vary according to
demand, with a standard room
ranging from R1 550 to R2 585
and a one-bedroom apartment
ranging from R1 950 to R2 985.
One lucky reader can win a
two-night stay for themselves
and up to three friends in a twobedroom apartment on a bedand-breakfast basis! To enter,
please send an email with
the subject line ‘Protea Hotel
President’, along with your
contact details and province, to
[email protected].
Competition closes 31 July
and is open to all South African
citizens, excluding members
of staff and family members of
kulula.com, Picasso Headline,
or Times Media Ltd. Judges’
decision is final.
Accommodation is subject to
availability. The voucher is valid
for six months from the day of
the winning announcement and
is not extendable. All additional
food and extra charges are
payable in cash or by credit
card upon departure from the
hotel. The winner’s voucher
must be handed in at reception
upon arrival. Check-in is after
2pm and check-out is prior to
11am. Any extension of this
stay will be charged by the
hotel. Transport to and from
the hotel shall be the entire
responsibility of the voucher
holder. Protea Hotels reserves
the right to cancel or withdraw
any voucher if, in their opinion,
it is subject to misuse of any
description.
School holidays, public
holidays and long weekends
are excluded. The voucher is
not transferable and may not
be sold.
JULY 2013
29
2013/06/20 1:35 PM
WATCH GUIDE
Popcorn!
Serial killers, surprising sentiments and slicing
superheroes on your silver screen.
DIE LAASTE TANGO
Release date: 5 July
Deon Meyer, one of this country’s finest crime authors,
makes his directorial debut with this tale of De Wet
(Louw Venter), a workaholic detective who is sent to
an isolated Karoo town after catching and beating a
serial killer. There he meets Ella (Antoinette Louw),
who wants to dance the tango one last time before she
succumbs to cancer. Gradually, they fall in love and help
one another find peace – a peace that is shattered by
the return of the killer for revenge.
Anticipatometer: 4/5 ■ ■ ■ ■
I GIVE IT A YEAR
Release date: 19 July
Dan Mazer, best known for collaborating with Sacha
Baron Cohen on Ali G Indahouse, Borat and Brüno,
directs this British comedy about Nat (Rose Byrne) and
Josh (Rafe Spall), who, despite their myriad differences,
love each other deeply. However, with their one-year
anniversary approaching, nobody is convinced they’ll go
the distance. It’s a broad, laugh-out-loud comedy with
the sorts of surprises only the Brits could provide.
Anticipatometer: 3/5 ■ ■ ■
THE WOLVERINE
text: anthony sharpe; pictures: supplied
Release date: 26 July
The most celebrated (and, some might say, overused)
character in the Marvel universe returns to the
silver screen, embodied as nobody else could do by
Renaissance man Hugh Jackman. The Wolverine is set
after X-Men: The Last Stand, and takes our spiky-hairedand-clawed hero to Japan, where he faces a figure from
his past in an encounter that leaves him vulnerable for
the first time.
Anticipatometer: 3/5 ■ ■ ■
kulula.com
watch.indd 31
FILM CHAT
Anthony Sharpe chats to Deon Meyer about
the change from keyboard to camera.
First up, how did the process
begin? Did you have to go
hunting for funding or did a
producer approach you?
Neither. Diony Kempen and I met
each other during the making of
Jakhalsdans a few years ago
(I wrote the script, he was one of
the producers), and found that
we shared the same passions
and values when it came to
making movies. Last year, we finally turned plans
into reality by starting The Karoo Film Company,
and Die Laaste Tango was the second movie we
produced. We fund all our movies ourselves.
How does it compare as a storytelling medium?
Which aspects of the respective mediums do
you find more favourable?
The basics of storytelling are the same, in terms
of structure, characterisation and plot. But the
execution is very different. In a novel you don’t have
to worry about budget – you can create big scenes
with thousands of people should you want to. In
scriptwriting, and in directing a movie, you’re very
aware of the budget limitations and you take care
to accommodate them. The other big difference
is that in making a movie, you have to focus on a
character’s actions and dialogue to establish her,
and make the story move forward. You don’t really
have the luxury of an inner dialogue.
What were the biggest challenges in bringing
this project to fruition?
Budget, budget, budget – it determines so much.
The Karoo seems to be gaining popularity as
a filming destination. Why did you choose it as
your setting?
Mostly because I love it. But Loxton is also like
a big movie set – quiet, great weather (usually!),
and the cast and crew are never more than three
minutes away from set, lunch or bed.
You’ve written another script – are you planning
on filming that yourself, too?
The superlative Darrell James Roodt has just shot
my second script, but I do plan to write and direct
again next year. The bug has bit.
JULY 2013
31
2013/06/20 1:13 PM
Guinjane Lodge is a luxurious self-catering lodge
situated at the beautiful white beaches and clear
blue sea of Guinjata Bay, 30km South of
Inhambane, Mozambique.
The Lodge offers fully serviced and equipped two
Live the Adventure
bedroom /two bathroom / six sleeper and three
bedroom / two bathroom / eight sleeper units.
Activities include deep-sea angling, rock and surf
fishing, fly-fishing, swimming, snorkelling, kayaking
and scuba diving at world-renowned reefs including
the famous Manta Reef.
End your day off with a long stroll along Guinjata Bay
with the setting sun as a backdrop or alternatively
pop into one of the local beach bars or restaurants for
a meal fresh from the sea!
Tel: +27 72 565 7091• Email: [email protected] • Website:www.guinjanelodge.com
READ GUIDE
LIBRARY LOUNGE
Families and cities reveal their hidden secrets this month.
Spaces & Places 2.0 – JoburgPlaces
GERALD GARNER
Double G Media
Joburg is not exactly known as being a tourist destination. But it should be, and that’s what this book is
all about. It’s an exploration and celebration of the city’s hidden sights and sounds, captured in colour
photographs and described with unabashed passion by author Gerald Garner.
Gerald is a professional landscape architect and tour operator who is dedicated to bringing life back
to the inner city, and his enthusiasm and love for it are evident on every page. It’s intended as a guide
for tourists, business visitors, new arrivals and long-time residents. From Braamfontein to the Fashion
District, Parkhurst to Alexandra, JoburgPlaces invites you to take a fresh look at the bustle and beauty
of South Africa’s City of Gold. The book also comes with a handy fold-out map of the inner city.
She Left Me the Gun
text: stuart ferguson, anthony sharpe; pictures: supplied
EMMA BROCKES
Faber and Faber
The ‘She’ in the title of this book refers to author Emma Brockes’ mother, who moved from South Africa
to England, leaving behind a family and a life that she alluded to but never truly revealed. After her
death, Emma decided to visit her distant extended family to find out who her mother was, what shaped
her and why she left.
What she discovered was a story of crime, heartache and life. Her mother’s family had been torn
apart by her grandfather and never recovered. She Left Me the Gun is not about surviving, nor is it a
self-help book. It is about a journey to discover what has come before and then dealing with it, because
life does not stop even if you want it to. You must still eat, sleep and even laugh.
We chat to author Emma Brockes.
khuluma: You have written a deeply personal book involving your family members. How did they react to it?
Emma Brockes: Well, that was the reason why it took me so long to write it. I was really worried about
what they would think, and whether or not I should change their names, or if I should really do it at all.
Eventually I did, and they supported me.
k: After meeting your family and now writing this book, do you still have much contact with them?
EB: I still do speak to one of my aunts; in fact I am planning on seeing her soon. With the others, thanks to
Facebook they remain part of my life, even though I may not be chatting to them.
k: You deal with some hairy issues in your book. Do you find that people want to talk to you about it?
EB: When I started the book and even when I was writing it, I really didn’t have an interest in getting involved. I know it
sounds selfish but I just didn’t see myself like that. But since the book’s release I have been approached by people who
have indicated that they’ve been through similar situations. And they give me this knowing look, like we are all survivors.
It has changed me.
kulula.com
Read.indd 33
JULY 2013
33
2013/06/20 1:26 PM
Ensuring a
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2013/05/15 10:51 AM
LISTEN GUIDE
Winter blues ain’t so bad
Claire Martens doses up on classic punk and pops some acoustic blues,
with instructions to take some ethereal longing in the morning.
POP GOES THE IGGY
Iggy and the Stooges
Ready to Die
I know what you’re thinking: after their notorious abuse of the rock ’n roll lifestyle, it’s nothing short
of miraculous this band is back for more. Fortunately for us, the crusty codgers are holding up well,
considering Iggy Pop and his band of reprobates were first spreading anarchy as far back as the 60s.
They re-emerged in 2007 to start all over again and haven’t stopped winding us up just yet, although
perhaps Ready to Die is saying more than it’s letting on. They bring the same impetuous attitude, careless
lyrics and head-splitting vocals that set them up as the forefathers of punk rock, and with the reintroduction of James Williamson on
guitar, the same incredible riffs that set them apart. Although times have changed, The Stooges still tap into the social reality of the
day with songs like ‘Sex and Money’ and ‘Job’. Ready to Die is chunky, ill-bred but catchy. Are you ready?
Rating: 3/5 n n n
GOT WOOD?
Dan Patlansky
Wooden Thoughts
Dan Patlansky is an electrifying guitarist, burning with a brashness of talent and a nimbleness of finger.
Blessed with healthy looks and a gruff voice, he is adored as much for his on-stage performances as
for his musical dexterity. For this reason, and after releasing such riveting electric albums in the past,
it’s natural that his fans would be wary of the limitations of an acoustic album, especially when covers
of some of the best songs in the world are thrown confidently into the mix. While it may seem like he’s
throwing a number of cats amongst the pigeons, Wooden Thoughts holds up to the most scrutinising of ears. Alongside the true blues
of Son House’s ‘Preachin’ Blues’, Dan’s own ‘Bring the World to its Knees’ and ‘Miss Oowee’ have their own effortless substance and
style. A true man of the people, Dan is as graceful in acoustic terms as he is with a slide in his hand and a Fender Strat on his shoulder.
Rating: 4/5 n n n n
pictures: supplied
BABY, DON’T GO
Daughter
If You Leave
In the world of English stovepipes and conceptual art, a corporeal anticipation has been brewing since
2010, when Daughter released the first of what would be three EPs. This year, with the grounding of two
permanent band members, prayers have been answered through the release of If You Leave, the group’s
first full-length album under independent label 4AD. With it, they have managed to keep the suspense
flowing with an album that is as intense as it is sensual. If You Leave is a 45-minute-long plunge into a
whirlpool of different emotions – a striking soundtrack to a moment of loving, leaving and longing. Woven into the greyscale fabric of the
waves is the undertow of Elena Tonra’s ethereal voice. Unfortunately, the music is also caught in a different undertow, dragged down by
the nagging feeling that you have experienced this all before.
Rating: 3/5 n n n
kulula.com
Listen.indd 35
JULY 2013
35
2013/06/20 1:09 PM
CHAT
Join the...
fashion
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Em
Helen,
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and footw ers and
and sing
ith Steve
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Opener Chat.indd 37
2013/06/20 1:03 PM
And tonight’s
She’s been a powerhouse in SA
politics for almost 15 years. Emo
Adams chats to Helen Zille about
Twitter, hairdressers and those shoes.
38
JULY 2013
Cover interview 1.indd 38
pictures: vaughan treyvellan
Emo Adams: Okay, so I’m chilling with Madame Premier
Helen Zille…
Helen Zille: Ay, soeka.
EA: …at the second house. I believe that Paul and Thomas
evicted you from your own home in Rondebosch.
HZ: Well, this isn’t my house; it’s a public house. We’re just
living here while I’m the premier – and we don’t know when
that’s going to end. In fact, not a single premier has seen
through a full term here.
EA: Wow.
HZ: So we always have to live lightly.
EA: Now my first official question is: If you’re not on Twitter,
what keeps you busy?
HZ: People like you!
EA: (Laughs)
HZ: I wish. No, I have a very varied life. It’s full of fun, full of
challenges, conflicts, big obstacles to overcome and it’s full
of adrenaline.
EA: Getting back to Twitter, are you personally on Twitter or
do you have people doing it?
HZ: I am personally on Twitter. I do all my own Tweets.
EA: How…? Okay, okay, next question. In 2008, you won the
World Mayor award. What was that feeling like when you
received the news?
HZ: I remember I was in a caucus meeting. Initially, I didn’t
know that I’d been nominated, and then they let me know
when I was in the top 50, then again in the top 11 – I don’t
know why they had a top 11 instead of top 10. I then had to do
an international interview and answer questions online. Then
I got an SMS to let me know that I’d won and that they’d be
contacting me shortly.
EA: (Laughs) They let you know you’d won an international
competition via SMS?
HZ: I remember carrying on with the meeting and it didn’t quite
get in. Then afterwards I realised that it was quite a big deal.
kulula.com
2013/06/21 9:22 AM
premier is…
pictures: vaughan treyvellan
‘I got
into politics
completely by
accident. From a mother
at a primary school to MEC
of Education took all of
six months.’
kulula.com
Cover interview 1.indd 39
POLI T I CI AN CHAT
EA: It’s a beautiful accolade to receive. At which moment in
your life did you know you wanted to get into politics?
HZ: There wasn’t such a moment for me. I got into politics
completely by accident. I was always interested politically and
I always used to read about politics, but what got me into it was
that I was chair of the governing body of my children’s primary
school, Grove Primary. I had a lot to do with education and
I wrote a lot of newspaper articles on the subject. So Tony Leon
contacted me and asked if I would review the DP’s education
policy. I wrote up drafts, which went to the DP’s conference
and were passed. Then Tony asked if I’d like to compete for a
position on their list. I was fifth on the list and I got in by 135
votes, in the one seat that had the balance of power in the
province. Then I became the MEC of Education – from a mother
at a primary school to that took all of six months.
EA: What would you say is the highlight of what do you?
HZ: It gives me purpose. There’s a real reason to wake up every
morning – to do what I can to make South Africa a successful
democracy. That is the best thing about my job.
EA: Tell me about some of the memorable places you’ve
travelled to. Do you find things you’d like to implement
back home?
HZ: I’ve learned a lot of things from my travels. I’ve learned
how good systems work – international benchmarks in election
and education systems. I’ve learned a lot about elections and
good party structures. But these days, you can learn just about
everything on the internet.
EA: True.
HZ: There isn’t anything that can replace talking to someone
one-on-one about issues, though. But you know, I’ve been to fun
places. In the last local government elections in 2011, we went
everywhere in the country. Places I didn’t know existed. And
in every little last dorpie, we found a hairdresser somewhere
– my hair is very fine and thin. And we took a photograph of
every hairstyle I had in every dorp.
EA: (Laughs)
HZ: I loved that. I’d go at five in the morning to the hairdresser,
who would open up especially for me, they’d ask what I wanted
and I’d say, ‘Anything you like!’ So I had a different hairstyle in
every place.
EA: That leads to my next question. I’ve seen you at quite a
few events and you always dress to the nines. Do you have
any fashion sense or do you have people helping you?
JULY 2013
39
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POLI T I CI AN CHAT
HZ: It’s interesting you say that, because that is Janine. I call
her J9. When I was mayor – you remember Gwen Gill from the
Sunday Times? She had a best- and worst-dressed in South
Africa list. I think in my first year as mayor I was number one
on the worst-dressed list.
EA: (Laughs)
HZ: I thought it was quite a compliment! I thought people
knew I’m not interested in superficiality and style; I’m more
interested in the substance of a person. But eventually,
when I became the premier, I know that my PA in the office
conspired with the leader’s office, and suddenly Janine pitched
up on the scene. Her brief was to be my PA in the leader’s
office, but part of that was to fix the way I dress and look.
EA: Janine, you just sit there so quietly, but you’re the
guilty party!
HZ: She is. You know, these shoes, how did I sneak them on
without her looking? But she makes you suffer! I’ve got scars
on my legs from her. You see that scar?
EA: Wow.
HZ: And on my very first date with my husband, I invited
him out.
EA: No way.
HZ: Yes. I’d been asked to a chamber music concert, quite a
formal event. I told him he had to wear a suit, which wasn’t
really his style, as he was a lecturer at the university. He did,
but I could see this oke never wore a suit. And the funniest
things of all were his shoes – they were like clown shoes!
You remember those pointy shoes with no laces that you just
pulled on? So we had a nice evening and, on the way back,
I casually said, ‘So tell me about your shoes.’ He replied, ‘Oh
yeah, I inherited them from my dad. He bought them in 1967.’
EA: (Laughs) At least they were still in nice condition.
HZ: Those were the shoes he wore on our first date, but I’ll tell
you a truth: every time we go to a formal function he wears
those shoes – and we’ve been married 30 years.
EA: Are you serious?
‘Gwen Gill had a best- and worst-dressed in South Africa list. I think in
my first year as mayor I was number one on the worst-dressed list.’
EA: Yeah.
HZ: That is a scar from the fashion Janine makes me wear!
She bought me boots to wear in Germany when I visited
there and she’s not interested in whether or not something’s
comfortable; her principle is that you suffer for fashion.
EA: Dressed to the nines…
HZ: But she’s good. She knows where to buy everything at a
good price. Our favourite place is a factory shop called Radeen
in Elsies River.
EA: There you have it. Madame Premier wears Elsies
River clothes.
HZ: Radeen’s fashions are fabulous. I never know what to
choose, but Janine can just pick it out. And we pay nothing
for the stuff! One day she got two pairs of shoes for R250. My
husband, he never lets me go shopping because he knows me.
I don’t buy clothes, but stuff like … meringue cups. He controls
the budget, though. So I went to him very sheepishly and said,
‘Please can you transfer R250 to Janine to buy shoes?’ And
he said, ‘R250 for shoes! Soon you’ll be spending as much on
shoes per month as I spend on books!’
EA: (Laughs)
HZ: Now this is a true story. My husband wears shoes that he
inherited from his father.
kulula.com
Cover interview 1.indd 41
HZ: And what is more, for a long time they were the only
formal black shoes that the three men in my family – my two
sons and my husband – used to share.
EA: (Laughs) Ek verstaan nie. How did you and your
husband meet?
HZ: We met at a function of the Norwegian counsel here in
South Africa. I remember noticing him for the primary reason
that there was a very, very drunk man there, and my husband
was so nice to him and tried to make him feel so much better
about himself. Then I asked the guy I’d come with who that
was. He said, ‘Don’t you know Johan Maree? Would you like to
meet him?’ Then a friend of mine said he was coming to dinner
the following night and invited me. Johan and I got chatting
about economics, and we disagreed. Then about politics,
and we disagreed. So we had a long debate about that in the
kitchen while I was helping with coffee, and then I said, ‘I think
I’d like take this conversation forward.’
EA: Jy! This is a romantic beginning!
HZ: It wasn’t romantic at all! (Laughs)
EA: (Laughs) Now if you could do anything else, where
would your passion lead you?
HZ: I have always enjoyed what I’ve done my whole life,
wherever I’ve been. I just put my heart and soul into it, and
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41
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POLI T I CI AN CHAT
‘I think the great
thing about South
Africa is that
people realise they
need each other.’
MAKING
THE CUT
Helen and Emo
cut the ribbon
at the opening
of his All Star
Theatre.
pictures: morné van zyl, supplied
YOU LAUGHING AT ME?
Helen turns the tables on
our intrepid comedian.
try do my best. I wouldn’t want to do any other job than this.
I love this job.
EA: What would you say is the best thing about South Africa
and what is the best thing about Cape Town?
HZ: I think the great thing about South Africa is that people
realise they need each other. And we can have a whole lot of
nonsense on the surface, but deep down we all know that we
build or break this country together.
EA: Agreed.
HZ: I think in Cape Town, it’s our natural environment. It’s
absolutely spectacular, and we’ve just got to make sure that
while preserving it, we build an economy that can make place
for everybody.
EA: Now this is a fun fact. I have heard that matriculants in
the Western Cape write about me in their final exams. So,
if it were possible, would you nominate me as president,
and why?
HZ: Absolutely, because you’re the best looking and you’ve got
the best legs!
EA: Could you please write that down? I want that on record.
kulula.com
Cover interview 1.indd 43
I joke in my shows that I’m going to run for president. But
you see, before, I was just this boytjie in Mitchell’s Plain
wanting to dream bigger. I knew that I wanted more. By the
age of 14, I didn’t know that the Waterfront existed, because
Mitchell’s Plain was designed, in my head, so that you never
had to leave it. The biggest thing for me was the town centre.
And if you went out, it was to Muizenberg. When I saw
Simon’s Town, I thought that was the extent of Cape Town.
HZ: The end of the earth.
EA: I really did. Then eventually I started realising there was
so much more. And then, as naïve as I was, I tried to leave.
With David Kramer and the late Taliep Petersen, I was out
of the country for 10 years. The irony of it was that when
I came back, I saw Table Mountain and burst out crying.
That was the day I realised I wanted to stay, and I wanted to
bring people together.
HZ: You’ve hit on what I was saying. We in South Africa all feel
bound to the context, and we all know we need each other.
You’re an entertainer who taps into that.
EA: Now the youth, what can we do to help this country
move forward?
HZ: What young people can do is recognise their opportunities
and use them. For example, I know a guy from a very poor
community who did really well, and I asked him how he did it –
living in a shack, getting matric, going to university. He said,
‘A library was built near to where I live. I could sit there every
day and get away from the noise and work.’ That’s somebody
who recognises a library as an opportunity. If you make the
best of your opportunities, you create them for others, and it
becomes a virtuous cycle.
EA: That’s so true. Helen, thank you for your time. ■
JULY 2013
43
2013/06/21 9:22 AM
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MUSI CI AN CHAT
pictures: suppled
That’s
how
it is
with
Steve
Singer, songwriter,
actor, repeat father
and all-round
troublemaker Steve
Hofmeyr chats to
Emo Adams about
press, power and
pipes in his stomach.
kulula.com
Cover interview 2.indd 45
Emo Adams: Okay, so as you know, I have a few
questions that I’m doing for khuluma magazine.
SH: Nice that you’re doing that. It’s beautiful.
EA: First question is: What keeps you busy
if you’re not on Twitter?
SH: Um, not much. (Laughs)
EA: You know, you have the most
tweets in the world. Nobody
tweets more than you do.
SH: Ah, it’s because
I have a problem with
being opinionated. If
you’re opinionated and
you don’t keep your
mouth shut, then you
get gossipped about. But
it’s become so much a part of what
we do, you know. I can tweet while I’m
reading a book, flying, on tour, while I eat
and while I’m on the toilet. There’s always
time to tweet!
EA: Yeah.
SH: You can share just the essence of your
idea with people. The best part of it is that
I can choose what I think I should be. I’m
in charge of my own tabloid press.
EA: (Laughs) So tell me, was there
a specific moment in your life when
you knew music was the way to go
for you and that you could make a
difference with this medium?
SH: Because I’ve been playing
the guitar since I was seven
years old, it’s a bit difficult,
but I’d say the first time that
JULY 2013
45
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2013/06/13 1:56 PM
MUSI CI AN CHAT
I really discovered people would pay to listen was when I was
a drama student. You’re sitting there in a restaurant, you know
about five or so chords. You start entertaining, rather than just
playing the guitar or writing songs. When you say, ‘This is the
last song,’ people say, ‘No, you can’t be done yet, you’ve just
gotten here.’ That’s when I realised that this is something
I have a talent for.
EA: Did you ever think that you would be in a position to
change people’s lives with what you do?
SH: No, you know I wear that reluctantly. I’m so afraid people
will make it my problem that they’re raising their children
badly, or that other people don’t read, or whatever. I come to my
ideologies and opinions with heavy conviction. I’m not deceiving
anyone. I’m not a racist in the sense that I want to see other
races being done in. I’m not that type of guy. Of course, we’re
still being judged in terms of the same old stereotypes as in the
old days. But we’re not that generation. I don’t think of people
damn generation of the 1970s baby boomers is smoking dope.
Music’s got a lot of power, but it can rape us.
EA: You’re passionate by nature. Not just about music, but also
about South Africa. What belief do you have in our country?
SH: I’m a reactionary because I have so much belief in this
country. Because I know its people. I’ve had the means to
get the hell out of here for a long time, but I’ve never done it,
because I have total faith in South Africa.
EA: Eighteen and some years in change of democracy … do
you think we’re headed in the right direction?
SH: No, definitely not. There wouldn’t have been so many
activists if we were. I think our leadership is pathetic.
EA: Yeah.
SH: I’d like to see different rape statistics and life-expectancy
numbers. I’d like to see other health stats, other education and
employment rates. So I don’t want the old South Africa back,
but I do want its standards back. That’s for sure.
‘I don’t see it as a massive responsibility. I think anybody
who makes singers and scrumhalves their moral compasses
is screwed from the start.’
in terms of the colour of their skin. I also don’t care who sleeps
with whom and whether it’s a man or a woman. I care about
other things. I don’t see myself as an evangelist or a prophet.
I’m basically a music man. I abuse my public podium a little to
say things about topics that I feel really strongly about.
EA: Passionate, yes.
SH: I don’t give a toss about how I sound to other people. I think
people look up to artists because we’re relatively free. We
don’t have to phone someone to ask permission to say this or
that. We’re about as free as you can be. And that’s why there’s
an explosion. That’s why there’s a revival. So yeah, that is a
podium that one can abuse a bit. But as I say, I don’t see it as a
massive responsibility. I think anybody who makes singers and
scrumhalves their moral compasses is screwed from the start.
EA: So, do you think music can change political views?
SH: Yes, I think so. I think the main reason is the number of
people successful artists attract. That makes you massively
independent. And now, with social media, you’re completely
independent. Yes, there’s a lot of power there – a lot of
power to abuse. And any power, of course, is corruptible.
I know where music has also corrupted people. I think the
relationship between music and drugs goes back many years.
If Jim Morrison says now we smoke dope then the whole
kulula.com
Cover interview 2.indd 47
EA: I hear you. What would you change if you had to sit in the
president’s chair? First thing.
SH: I think we should turn Nkandla into an agricultural farm.
EA: (Laughs) And the Guptas must give everyone helicopters.
Now if you had a choice of doing anything else, what would
you do and why?
SH: Oh yeah! Luckily I have many different things on the go. I’m
already doing it on an annual basis, where I simply don’t sing
for two months. Then I write a book. Or I stop and do a musical,
or a television series, or a serious drama, or theatre. I do crazy
things like this African Roast. You know, it lets one be a bit
diverse, otherwise I’d become completely uncontrollable.
EA: Do you do these things because you don’t want to
stagnate and you want new challenges all the time?
SH: Yeah. I think I need more mediums than one to get my
stories out. Maybe I’m a psychotic storyteller who has to get
the stories out otherwise he explodes, you know.
EA: I see.
SH: I’ll probably never stop singing, but I’ll definitely stop
touring so frenetically. I want to be at home, even though it
means I won’t make so much money. I want to see the kids
grow up, maybe get married again and slow down a little.
So I’m looking at all these things in the future.
JULY 2013
47
2013/06/21 8:43 AM
CHAT MU SICIA N
EA: What are your best and worst characteristics?
SH: I think they’re both the same thing: my impatience. My
impatience is also the thing that causes me to have such an
immense output workwise. But your impatience gets you into
trouble too. You rush in where angels fear to tread.
EA: What would you say, in your life, is something that stands
out for you? Every time you think of it you get goosebumps.
For me it was when our school was the first coloured school
that Nelson Mandela came to, just after he’d been released.
SH: Ag, yes, that’s amazing.
EA: And they asked me to sing the national anthem, which
wasn’t the official national anthem at the time. So I had to
sing ‘Nkosi Sikelel’ iAfrika’ in the quad at the assembly, and
he put his hand on my shoulder. Just the power of that event
happening … do you understand what I mean?
SH: That’s huge.
EA: I know.
SH: I have a very simple answer and it’s my kids, especially
the two young ones. They are hourly highlights in my life. I get
defined more and more in terms of what these little guys come
and ask me – that frown on their little foreheads, how they
make me laugh and how I make them laugh. They’re such a
joy to me. Especially the English little guys, because I’m such
a strange concept to them. I’m so far removed from Justin
Bieber – how can I possibly be a popstar? ‘Why do people
recognise you if you don’t look like Michael Jackson?’ So
they’re quite a strange thing in my life. They’re great levellers;
they keep my feet on the ground.
EA: Now we’re going for a quick-fire round. Whatever comes
to mind, just go with it.
SH: Okay.
EA: What can’t you live without?
SH: Vicks Nasal Spray.
EA: What don’t people know about you? Besides the fact
that you are a gadget freak.
SH: That I’m terrified of spiders.
EA: Really?
SH: And snakes.
EA: Wow. OK. First word or phrase that comes to mind:
Jacob Zuma.
SH: Nothing. (Laughs) Total vacuum in my head.
EA: (Laughs) Helen Zille?
SH: Um…
EA: You know, she’s very fond of you. She told me you’re the
only person who managed to get her to sing on live TV.
48
JULY 2013
Cover interview 2.indd 48
SH: (Laughs) Listen here, I can’t stand the DA, but I love her.
I can’t think of a good word … she makes me think of hospital.
My word for her is ‘hospital’.
EA: Why?
SH: When I was lying in hospital with a pipe coming out of
my stomach, she left her security and her media people
downstairs and came up to hold my hand. I must tell you: It’s
going to take a helluva lot for me to dislike her.
EA: Absolutely. Well, last but not least, this name came onto
the list against my will. Uh, Emo Adams?
SH: (Laughs)
EA: Sorry man, I’m just a journalist trying to do my job here.
But that name is here on my list, so…
SH: My thin twin. (Laughs)
EA: (Laughs) Oh my gosh. Listen, I don’t think you fathom
the weight of the kind of role you, along with people like
David Kramer and Taliep Petersen, played in my life. And
I just think that I’ve never had the opportunity…
SH: Oh my brother.
EA: …to say thank you. Because I think you just teach me
how to be comfortable in my own skin. Sometimes when I’m
at festivals and I’m getting a bit of stick, then I stand on my
own and then I think, you know what? This is who I am … if
you don’t get it, then get lost.
SH: Absolutely.
EA: Steve, thank you so much.
SH: Lekker, my bru. ■
kulula.com
2013/06/21 8:43 AM
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2013/05/30 12:44 PM
LOCAL HERO CHAT
Against
all odds
This month, Durban hosts the 19th
World Transplant Games. Keith
Bain speaks to record-breaking
swimmer Koenraad Pretorius
about the event and why he
lives a grateful life.
KOENRAAD PRETORIUS HAS NO real memory of the single
most important day in his life. It was 10 July 1995, and he
was three years old. On that day in Cape Town, while most of
us were no doubt complaining about the cold, wet weather,
Koenraad went into a hospital operating and surgeons gave
him a new liver. They also gave him the chance of living a
relatively normal life.
Koenraad was born with alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency,
a genetic defect that causes cirrhosis of the liver. The
organ was hardening and crumbling, eventually leading
to acute failure and incurable jaundice.
‘I only found out about my transplant quite late in
life. For most of my childhood, I had no idea I was any
different from anyone else,’ he says. ‘I participated
in sport and was active like any normal human being
would be.’
But Koenraad has always wanted more.
pictures: jaco wolmarans
Pushing boundaries, one step at a time
‘Yes, I’m lucky to have lived as long as I have,’ says Koenraad. ‘Many
people I’ve known who’ve had transplants, before or after me, have died.
I think to some extent I owe it to my genes. But also having good doctors
and listening to them, avoiding alcohol, not skipping prescriptions… It’s
quite a restrictive way of life but by following the rules, I’ve been able to
lead a healthy and active life, pushing my boundaries.’
Such pluck saw him dive into every possible opportunity to push
himself physically. ‘I’ve always wanted to be active and sporty,’ he
says. ‘Rugby was the only sport I couldn’t play. But at school I tried
kulula.com
Local hero V2.indd 51
JULY 2013
51
2013/06/21 8:54 AM
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this historic event go to www.registry.net.za
LOCAL HERO CHAT
‘After
all those years,
I went back to
Groote Schuur and spent
five months in intensive care
while doctors worked to stop
my immune system from
rejecting my liver.’
WELL, DID I WIN?
That’s a face that says,
‘Hurry up and tell me!’
everything else – cricket, hockey, swimming, squash, and golf.
My personality makes me want to try things. Whenever they
told me at a young age I couldn’t do something, I’d think, ‘Well,
why not? Why can’t I be active?’
You can’t replace the human spirit
That determination led Koenraad to participate in the World
Transplant Games, an Olympics-recognised event serving
to demonstrate that transplant recipients can lead healthy,
normal lives. Like the patron of this year’s Games, Chad le Clos,
Koenraad’s main sport is swimming, and he broke junior world
records in freestyle and backstroke at the 16th Games held in
Bangkok in 2007. Along with two gold medals, though, Koenraad
also picked up a bug – either in the water or food – underscoring
once again the pressure his body is under all the time.
Aftercare for liver-transplant recipients means a life-long
drug regime. Immune-suppressants greatly enhance the
survival prospects for liver recipients, but the side-effects
place heavy strain on the patient since they basically weaken
the body’s natural ability to defend against infections.
THE BRITISH INVASION
It would appear our fair nation
produces better swimmers – and
hairstyles – than the U of K.
Although he went on to earn silver and bronze medals
at the Games in Australia in 2009, it wasn’t too long after –
at age 19 – that his body started rejecting the transplant.
‘After all those years, I went back to Groote Schuur and
spent five months in intensive care while doctors worked to
stop my immune system from rejecting my liver,’ he explains.
‘That’s when I realised how lucky I am, when I came to
understand that the transplanted organ can be rejected at
any time.’
Such complications are numerous, extending from possible
renal failure to increased susceptibility to diabetes and cancer,
Games of glory
The first competitive ‘Transplant Olympics’ took place in Portsmouth, England, in 1978, with 99 competitors from five
nations. Now they’re held every two years, with a winter competition in-between. Some 70 countries belong to the World
Transplant Games Federation, which received official recognition from the International Olympic Committee in 2010.
It’s considered the world’s largest organ-donor awareness event, alerting the world to the need for organs and boosting
donations. Historically, host countries have shown an increase of at least 30% in organ donation after the Games.
The Games are open to all recipients of life-supporting organ transplants – anyone aged four to 80 may compete.
There are more than 50 events to suit varying capabilities, including athletics, ten-pin bowling, swimming, racquet
sports, golf, volleyball, lawn bowls and cycling. More than 2 500 attendees from 55 countries are expected in Durban,
where the Games happen from July 28th for 8 days. During the 2011 Games, held in Gothenburg, Sweden, South Africa
claimed 44 medals and ranked 9th in the medal standings. Check out www.wtg2013.com for more info.
Keeping it organic
There are 4 300 South Africans currently awaiting organ donations; statistics suggest that fewer than 1 000 will receive
this ‘Gift of Life’. Register as an organ donor at www.odf.org.za. Trust us, when you’re dead you won’t need your heart,
kidneys, pancreas, livers or lungs, and you can help save up to seven lives. Register as a donor on www.odf.org.za.
kulula.com
Local hero V2.indd 53
JULY 2013
53
2013/06/21 10:19 AM
LOCAL HERO CHAT
Reluctant hero
TAKE THAT!
Shadow boxing never really
took off as a competitive sport.
meaning that organ recipients and their
physicians are continually managing
risk. ‘My medicine had to be increased
and I had limited physical ability. They
didn’t want me walking up stairs – no
physical activity at all, basically.’
While he’s pretty serious about
the Games, Koenraad sees the
competitive side of them almost
as a bonus. What’s memorable is
the emotional high. ‘It’s about being
among people who are thankful for
being alive,’ he explains. ‘They’re
running or swimming as fast as they
can, often coming close to the times
of professional athletes. It’s incredibly
rare for people to reach these levels
of fitness and physical ability after
a transplant.’
So, although he doesn’t remember
the 12-hour surgery that enabled
him to compete internationally as
a swimmer and become a BComm
student, he lives each day grateful to
be alive. ‘Most people who undergo
organ transplants die within five years,’
he reminds me, ‘so the atmosphere
at the Games is one of thankfulness,
primarily. Competing with a spirit that
celebrates life, there’s a willingness to
enjoy every second.’
While he’ll be pushing himself to win
swimming medals in Durban, Koenraad
admits that he’s there to enjoy himself.
‘I have goals and dreams, but I intend
to have a whole lot of fun,’ he says.
‘I want to live without regret and fear
of limitations. And live every moment
in appreciation.’ ■
A letter from the Smile Foundation
Dear khuluma reader,
By now you’ve settled into your seat for your flight, had a good lag as the kulula crew regaled
you with their unique welcome and safety address, and opened this magazine for some lekker
local reading.
So while you relax, page through the witty interviews on these pages and diarise some of
the events happening in and around the country, here is something else to mull over. More
than one million rand has been raised for the Smile Foundation because of you – our kulula
fans. The combination of your kindness, together with the support of our beautiful country’s
academic hospitals and its talented medical personnel, is helping hundreds of children with
facial conditions like cleft lips and palates, facial paralysis and even burns to smile from ear
to ear. This could not be achieved without the loyalty and generosity of South Africa’s most
local carrier.
But the Smile Foundation is so much more than an operation. We hold mom and child’s
hand from first assessment to surgery and final smile. From speech therapy to emotional
counselling, there is no limit when it comes to the wellbeing of our youngest and most
vulnerable citizens.
So the next time you’re booking a flight, remember this: By putting your bum in that kulula
seat, you’re putting a smile on someone else’s face. For that we thank you dearly
BEFORE
Yours in miles of smiles
Marc Lubner
Co-founder and Executive Chairman
To make a donation, SMS the word ‘kulula’ (followed by any amount from R5 to R200)
to 30100 for Vodacom subscribers or 42600 for other network providers.
kulula.com
Local hero V2.indd 55
AFTER
JULY 2013
55
2013/06/21 8:54 AM
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Travel through town via Civic Centre station on these routes.
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For more info call the Transport Information Centre (toll-free 24/7) 0800 65 64 63 www.myciti.org.za
2013
CONNECT WITH MYCITI
SKIING TRAVEL
It’s snow
wonder
pictures: supplied
An overseas skiing trip can be a
dream come true – or a nightmare
on ice. Tamlyn McPherson has
got some tips on how to make
sure you stay on the right kind of
slippery slopes.
kulula.com
Travel NEW.indd 57
WHEN I SAT DAYDREAMING about my first skiing holiday,
I pictured myself – glühwein in hand – laughing smugly atop a
snow-covered mountain, before clipping into my snowboard and
gliding down virgin powder slopes, before ending the day enjoying
Jägermeisters with the locals and a few of my mates. To say
I was disappointed would be putting it mildly. My holiday – which
had all the potential in the world – turned sour with just a few
wrong choices.
My first mistake was nominating myself as ‘tour-leader’. I’m
an organised and motivated girl, and it seemed easy enough: go
online, find a good ticket price and book group accommodation.
I’d be the hero for having organised an unforgettable holiday for
my mates, and just enjoy all the snow and après-ski that the little
rustic village had to offer. It turns out I was wrong. I guess in the
end it was unforgettable – just not in the way I had hoped.
JULY 2013
57
2013/06/20 1:05 PM
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SKIING TRAVEL
Snow country for cold men
Far from the picturesque dream I had been promised, I found
myself reeling from the pressure of trying to put out the
numerous fires that kept springing up and dealing with problem
after problem. Right from the get-go – before we had even left
home – the admin of booking flights, accommodation, ski school,
ski hire and dinners fell on my shoulders, and didn’t end until we
made it home. Let’s just say my first mistake was getting too
excited about cheap flights. And then I booked the trip too early
in the season. Simply put: there wasn’t much snow (there was a
reason that trip was so discounted)!
What upset me was that I’ve sat through countless stories
from various friends about the amazing ski holidays they’ve
enjoyed – so I know it’s possible. Beautiful, sunny days on the
slopes, carving freshly groomed powder runs. Sipping on glühwein
and playing Nagelspiel with the locals, or enjoying bum boarding
and sleigh rides at night. It all sounds amazing: an active day on
the slopes and festive evening in the village. And that’s what I
want – not getting lost just outside Munich and losing a whole
day of skiing. Or the 10km commute from our accommodation
to the slopes every morning, or the harrowing ordeal of trying to
navigate these slopes alone in a whiteout.
Leave it to the professnownals
But apparently, enjoying the winter wonderland holiday I had
fantasised about is in fact very possible. The key? Get the advice
of the experts. Let them sort out the details while you just kick
back and enjoy your well-deserved holiday.
Neal McAlpine, from industry leader Pure Skiing, advises that
there are a lot of aspects to consider when arranging a skiing
holiday – both on and off the slope – from travel arrangements
such as flights and airport transfers to accommodation and skiing
needs such as passes, gear hire and lessons. ‘There is so much
to experience in terms of traditional and social aspects of a skiing
holiday,’ says Neal, ‘that it would be a shame to miss out on them
just for lack of knowledge or planning.’
Basically, if you’re going to spend time and money visiting
these incredible and unique resorts halfway across the world,
you may as well get the most out of them. But it is hard to know
exactly what to see and where to go, when you don’t have any
first-hand experience.
According to McAlpine, if you put your holiday in the hands of
professionals, you’ll have nothing to worry about, except perhaps
convincing your better half that you’re good enough to hit that
little kicker off piste. And that’s what I want.
kulula.com
Travel NEW.indd 59
Basically, if you’re going
to spend time and money visiting
these incredible and unique
resorts halfway across the
world, you may as well get the
most out of them.
TAKE IN A VIEW
The weatherman who
forecasted snow in July
was a bit of a flake.
SLIPPERY SLOPES
The Alpine skiing competition
started poorly and went
downhill from there.
JULY 2013
59
2013/06/20 1:05 PM
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SKIING TRAVEL
FAR FROM HOME
For those who live in the
land of ice it’s snow problem.
KEEP AN EYE OUT
Reported sightings of
the abominable snowman
are yeti to be confirmed.
PERFECT WEATHER
The snow storm arrived
at a fortuitous moment.
It was white on time.
Don’t worry, ski happy
Rather trust a professional to get you the best deals on things
like flights and airport transfers, and ensure your accommodation
is sorted to suit your needs. They have relationships with vendors
and access to cost savings that the lone traveller often doesn’t
(very important!). They also take care of admin like your ski
passes, gear and any lessons you may want or need, so when
you arrive at your destination you can just hit the slopes without
losing valuable holiday time.
They’ve also got the villages sussed out, so they can make sure
to include an entertainment programme for the duration of your
holiday. These programmes include dinners, babysitters (a real
win for parents on holiday), tobogganing evenings, horse-sleigh
rides, schnapps evenings, ski-bobbing and guided tours.
kulula.com
Travel NEW.indd 61
Pure Skiing have been running for more than 18 years, and they
have people on the ground both here and on-site at the resorts
who understand every process involved in organising a ski trip.
So they have the knowledge and experience to pre-empt and avoid
any potential mishaps or catastrophes.
For those worried about a culture shock, they also have South
African hosts available to you from the moment you step off the
plane. So if you find yourself in a sticky situation, you at least have
someone who speaks your language to help you out of it. These
hosts also know the area like the backs of their hands. They can
advise you on ski terrain to suit your level of experience (so you
don’t end up inching your way down a double black on your first
run and swearing off skiing altogether) and where to enjoy the best
pizza or cocktails at the end of a long day on the slopes. And, of
course, that all-important glass of glühwein.
Check out www.pureskiing.co.za for more info and to book your
slice of the ice. ■
JULY 2013
61
2013/06/20 1:05 PM
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BEHIND THE SCENES ACTION
Through the grapevine
Calling natural winemaking a trend is
missing the point. A handful of winemakers
are simply rediscovering the way things once
were. Leading the charge is Craig Hawkins
at Lammershoek Winery in the Swartland.
Keith Bain sipped and swirled au naturel.
YOU KNOW THE SCENE. Chatty hipsters milling around the
tasting room, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, elated that –
in exchange for making a hefty purchase – they get a few
free tastes and a quick, by-the-numbers lesson in wine
appreciation: ‘Mulberries this. Rose petals that. Perhaps
a hint of peppercorn.’ Then it’s sniff, sip, swirl and spit
or swallow. Followed by that knowing exchange of
glances and nodding of heads – the winemaker is a
genius, surely. ‘It’s heavenly!’ you tell your companions,
knowing you’d better not disagree with the double
gold this vintage received in some competition you’ve
never heard of.
But none of these wine-tasting sessions reveal one
big closeted truth about the overwhelming majority of
commercial wines: that they’re chemically engineered.
In fact, without passing too much judgement, when
they sell you a wine, they don’t tell you the honest
story of how it manages to exist at all. Because
conventional winemaking now usually comes down
kulula.com
Behind the Scenes NEW.indd 63
JULY 2013
63
2013/06/20 1:29 PM
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BEHIND THE SCENES ACTION
to the bottom line: high volume at low cost. There’s an economic
imperative, and it’s maximised by manipulating and controlling
every step of the winemaking process. Anyone still clinging to the
illusion that the wine they drink is a natural product may be baffled
to learn that they’ve been living – and drinking – under a cloud.
But, as with all clouds, there’s a silver lining.
The trailblazer
To meet maverick winemaker Craig Hawkins, I’ve driven out to the
Swartland, about an hour from Cape Town, somewhere between
Malmesbury and Paarl. The final kilometres are bumpy dirt track
through honest farmland sprawled against a postcard backdrop of
undulating hills.
The spell of idyllic countryside is broken by one hell of a racket
in the Lammershoek cellar – grinding engines, pumping water for
barrel cleaning. When Hawkins shuts down the pump, there’s still
a lot of noise, only now it’s hardcore rock thundering between the
fermentation tanks. No mellifluous classical symphonies here –
this is a working man’s cellar.
‘Good music’s important,’ says Craig.
‘Does it help the wines?’ I ask, pondering if the sound
influences fermentation.
pictures: supplied
SEDIMENTARY, MY DEAR WATSON
Flairing with wine bottles is generally
frowned upon in bartending circles.
Behind the Scenes NEW.indd 65
kulula.com
‘It helps me,’ he grins.
And then he takes me through the simple-sounding alchemy
that results in a finished bottle of wine. Basically, the grapes
are hand-harvested, brought into the cellar and hand-sorted.
They are then crushed (or macerated) – often under foot – and
the resulting must (or young wine, along with skins, seeds and
stalks) is moved into the fermentation tanks. And, aside from
keeping careful watch, that’s more or less that. What startles
me is that there’s no mention of yeast and there’s no filtering or
fining – processes typically used to remove residue. In a robust
farm environment, explains Craig, there’s sufficient naturally
occurring yeast, while all those filtration and purification
processes yank the soul from the wine.
Anyone
still clinging to
the illusion that the
wine they drink is a natural
product may be baffled to learn
that they’ve been living – and
drinking – under a cloud.
JULY 2013
65
2013/06/20 1:29 PM
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big hospital chains.
Simply walk up to one of our travel desks at Cape
Town International Airport to make your travel
arrangements. These may range from a simple airport
transfer or point to point transfers, to a full
holiday package including car rental, accommodation
and tours.
Alternatively book our services on +27 (0)086 111 5388
24hr: +27 (0) 82 472 6216 Email: [email protected]
www.centuriontours.co.za
It is situated in the suburb of
Mulbarton in good old Josi.
Telephone No: 011 432 4747
The website of our surgeons is: www.eyemagic.co.za
BEHIND THE SCENES ACTION
‘The only way to learn about natural winemaking is to travel,’
he says. Lammershoek is one of only a handful of farms in
the country producing natural wine, and most of what’s
produced is exported.
Da vine intervention
STOMP THE YARD
Make sure your feet are clean
and healthy. Nobody wants to
drink athlete’s Shiraz.
Huh? I’d always assumed filtration simply took off all the
excess plant mulch floating in the grape juice.
‘Well, yes. Filtering removes the cloudiness after the heaviest
bits have settled,’ explains Craig, ‘but it also extracts a lot of life
and character.’ By way of example, he describes how discerning
drinkers have come to accept craft beer. It’s often cloudy and
heavier than large-scale industrial beer – because it’s unfiltered.
Winemaking 1-0-what?
What’s happening at Lammershoek runs contrary to virtually
everything you’d learn about winemaking at university. And the
resulting flavours, smells and colours tend to be discernibly
different. Not for everyone, perhaps, but different. Here, the
homogenising effects of chemical farming and using a long
list of additives to control the fermentation process don’t exist.
‘A lot of flavour you’re tasting in wine is not actually from grapes,’
Craig warns. ‘It’s the additives you’re tasting, the wood, tannins,
and sulphur. Sulphur gives a specific taste. And it takes a while to
wean yourself off that.’
This so-called ‘natural winemaking’ – already a full-blown
movement overseas – has only recently started raising eyebrows
and arousing interest locally.
‘We’re 10 years behind Europe,’ says Craig, who has just
returned from two natural wine fairs in the UK, where for the
past three years he’s been the only South African winemaker.
kulula.com
Behind the Scenes NEW.indd 67
While natural winemaking could be seen as a philosophical
approach rather than a production method, what sets Craig’s
wines apart is primarily what he doesn’t do. ‘It’s really about
minimal intervention, which means having faith in the grapes.
It’s tough, because you have to farm properly. That’s what most
people forget. They think you can leave it all up to the process in
the cellar, but it starts in the vineyard.’
In order to produce a good wine without chemical or
technological intervention, you need good grapes that can
translate into an honest expression of the region and the cultivar.
To test this theory, Craig says he once tried making natural wine
using grapes produced for volume from a commercial vineyard.
‘But grapes grown that way need all the additives to hold the
structure of the wine together,’ he explains. ‘The wine needs
“crutches” to keep it alive. Using natural fermentation, bacteria
just took over and the wine fell apart after two months.’
Hawkins claims the best vineyards are bustling with life.
Sure, you don’t want pest-riddled vines, but you also don’t want
to change the character of the soil, or bung up the plants with
chemicals. Which is what most commercial farms do. The soil is
chemically treated and vines are sprayed with hectic pesticides
that are long lasting and potentially harmful.
For purists like Hawkins, ‘proper farming’ means organic – and,
ultimately, biodynamic. It’s why he has cows producing manure
and uses nitrogen-fixing plants rather than chemical fertilisers.
Virtually everything is done by hand. And there’s minimal
spraying for pest control.
‘By farming properly, I’m able to pick earlier, get my alcohols in
balance, and ensure my wines are light, fresh, and have energy,’
says Craig. As for sulphur, ‘unfortunately, sometimes you do need
it,’ he sighs. ‘But the ultimate goal is to work entirely sulphurfree. Nothing that doesn’t come from the vineyards.’
Hang-ups and hangovers
Of course, as with any kind of revolution, there’s a backlash, and
some strong arguments against natural wine exist. It comes from
‘experts’, wine-lovers, and winemakers themselves, many of
whom suspect ‘natural’ is an excuse.
JULY 2013
67
2013/06/20 1:29 PM
ACTION BEHIND THE SCENES
‘Yes, there
are winemakers
bottling bad wine. It’s
cloudy, okay. But it tastes
like dead mouse. And they
turn around and say, “No, it’s
because it’s natural.”’
DON’T SLIP
At least drowning in a tub of
wine means dying a happy death.
Playing by the rules: Natural
winemaking for dummies
STRIKE A POSE
‘Guys, have you taken the photo yet?
Seriously, my arm is starting to ache.’
‘Yes, there are winemakers bottling bad wine,’ says Craig. ‘It’s
cloudy, okay. But it tastes like dead mouse. And they turn around
and say, “No, it’s because it’s natural.”’ In the end, even the most
ardent natural winemakers need to make a living, and there’s
controversy over just where to draw the line: How natural is
natural? ‘I’m not dogmatic or a fundamentalist, but winemakers
have to admit there’s a line between natural and faulty. You need
to work hard to stay on the natural side of that line.’
To avoid falling foul of potential disaster, even Craig is
compelled to add some sulphites to his wines during bottling.
‘I’d hate to ship 10 000 bottles to Europe only to have them all
destroyed by oxygen.’ Still, the quantity of sulphites – added to
conventional wines at multiple stages of the process – is radically
reduced. ‘You taste that purity in the wines,’ claims Craig. And,
as numerous converts will attest, the absence of chemicals
radically impacts the way you feel the next morning. ‘This stuff
doesn’t give me a hangover,’ he says, ‘and we drink bottles of the
stuff every night.’
After an exhaustive tour of the farm, Craig finally shows me
what he’s been talking about. I taste straight from the barrels and
instantly understand why there’s rock music blasting through
the cellar. Wines with this much verve and exuberance deserve
something ballsy they can dance to.
68
JULY 2013
Behind the Scenes NEW.indd 68
In Europe ‘natural wine’ is quite a big deal, and a hotly debated,
controversial, steadily growing movement. France even has an
Association des Vins Naturels. Of course they do. ‘Fine natural
wines are vibrant and alive, and show diverse personalities full of
emotion,’ says Isabelle Legeron, co-founder of London’s Natural
Wine Fair. Genuine natural winemaking means sticking to some
pretty stringent rules, with the general understanding that you’re
trying to make low-intervention wine with natural yeast and
minimal chemicals. If you’re wondering whether a wine’s natural
or not, here’s a basic rundown of what should be expected, so you
know what questions to ask the winemaker:
• Grapes should be grown organically or biodynamically,
and handpicked.
• Vineyards should be dry farmed (no irrigation) and
low yielding.
• No sugars, yeasts or bacteria should be added.
• No artificial adjustments should be made for acidity.
• No additives to alter colour, texture or mineral content – not
even water – should be added.
• Nothing should be added to change the flavour.
• There should be little or no fining or filtration (vegetarians and
vegans may be interested to know that fish and egg derivatives
are sometimes used in fining).
• These processes are a no-no: micro-oxygenation, reverse
osmosis (to remove water), cone spinning, and cryo-extraction.
• If sulphites are added, this should be minimal, usually
during bottling. ■
kulula.com
2013/06/21 10:20 AM
CARS ACTION
COUGAR.
IT’S A KIND
OF CAR, TOO.
Steve Smith has found a car
with curves in all the right places.
On test... Ford Kuga
‘What is in a name?’ pondered Shakespeare. Good question, Will.
The name of a person or object clearly describes its inherent qualities.
Take Alexander the Great, for instance. Clearly history has him
pegged as an impressive bloke. Ethelred the Unready? Less so.
The theory even holds up for cars. Take Mercedes Gelandewagen –
if that doesn’t imply ‘Let’s invade Poland!’ then I don’t know what
does. Or Lamborghini Aventador, which obviously means ‘Let’s go
flippin’ fast’ in Italian.
And so to the Ford Kuga… ‘Cougar [kooger] n. A middle-aged
woman who seeks out much younger men for romance or
physical intimacy.’
Interesting name for a motorcar, isn’t it? Obviously not as
interesting as the Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard, or the Yamaha
Pantryboy Supreme (actual names of actual Japanese cars), but it
does make one wonder what Ford’s marketing team were up to when
they came up with Kuga. Well, having spent a week behind the wheel
of one, I think it’s an accurate and rather clever choice of moniker.
Can you handle me?
Let’s start with the Kuga’s handling. It’s a revelation. Based on the
impressive Ford Focus platform, this small, urban-flavoured SUV
boasts independent suspension front and rear that, coupled with a
clever-clogs torque-vectoring all-wheel-drive system, means snappy
turn-ins and plenty of grip around the corners.
Snippets
It’s well put together, too. Not only is the chassis nice and tight,
with nary a jiggle or rattle, but the engine has that up-for-anything
enthusiasm that provides real driving pleasure. There are two perky
versions of Ford’s 1.6-litre turbo EcoBoost (110kW and a 134kW),
and a 2.0-litre turbo diesel (120kW) – all of which are newgeneration fuel sippers coupled to a six-speed manual in the
cheaper models and six-speed PowerShift dual-clutch auto system
in the pricier versions.
Curves in all the right places
The Kuga is a bit of a looker as well. It’s an assured and mature
piece of design that will no doubt age very well. The front end has
a slightly predatory appearance, the flanks are a sculpted blend of
subtle muscles and curves, and the rear is as perfectly toned as it
gets in a car of this type. Interestingly, it also features a rear hatch
that will open at the mere twitch of your foot. Seriously. Wiggle your
shoe under the rear bumper and she slowly opens up.
So basically, what we’re looking at here is a vehicle perfectly
suited to young professional men who are looking for something
to match their fun-seeking, adventure-filled, no-strings-attached
lifestyles. And it’s called a Kuga.
Well done, you clever Ford marketing chaps! We look forward to
the upcoming Ford Millph…
The Ford Kuga stars at R289 900 for the 1.6T FWD Ambiente and
goes up to R418 900 for the 2.0TDCi AWD Titanium.
Cat warning light For two weeks, Julie Tansley of Nottingham, UK, drove
around looking for her missing cat, Princess. Sadly, it seemed her fluffy
member of the family was gone for good. Then a dashboard warning light
came on. On lifting up the bonnet to discover the cause, there was her little
Princess stuck in the engine bay. Princess had chewed through a coolant
line and triggered the warning.
A rebel named Roger After being arrested and briefly jailed for having
a small amount of marijuana on his person, Roger Pion, a farmer from
Vermont USA, returned to flatten six Orleans County cop cars and a
police van with his nine-ton tractor. Roger is now something of a folk hero
back home, with a Facebook group (Roger Pion The Magnificent), and he
was the motivation for a 1 000-strong march on Washington DC dubbed
‘Roger’s Revolution’.
kulula.com
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2013/06/20 1:32 PM
ACTION CARS
TOP FIVE CRAZIEST JAPANESE
CONCEPT CARS EVER
all
se we
Becaue a list
lov
Because nobody else can come up with innovative solutions to
automotive problems that don’t exist quite like the Japanese…
oyota EX II 1969
T
1
The concept: The car of tomorrow
If you thought weird little bug-like Japanese
concept cars were something of a recent
phenomenon, think again. This electric-motored
fibreglass sweatbox of a car was proof that they were
even at it 40-odd years ago. Funny how ‘The car of
tomorrow’ never quite looks like tomorrow’s car...
Land
2Nissan Pivo 2005 3Honda Fuya-Jo 1999 4Nissan
Glider 2009
The concept: You can dance
if you want to!
Fuya Jo means ‘Sleepless City’
and, according to Honda, this car
was designed specifically for
‘party animals who demand the
full excitement of night life’.
In other words, a car for young
folk who have taken too much
ecstasy and still want to dance
on the way home. The DJ mixingdesk-style dashboard and a
turntable-like steering wheel all
added to the vibe.
The concept: It leans
into corners
This tiny tandem two-seater
was part car, part motorcycle
and part airplane. Thanks to a
system that tilted the wheels
and chassis, the Land Glider
leaned into turns at an angle
of 17 degrees. Its odd talland-narrow shape also made
it look as though it was
trying to glide through
a narrow doorway.
5Toyota RV-2 1972
The concept: Sports car/
campervan/hearse
Love sports cars … but like
a bit of camping too … and
need a hearse for your funeral
business? Well then, Toyota had
just the thing for you. Thanks to
clam-like rear side panels that
opened up and a fabric tent that
probably took the best part of a
weekend to construct, you had
yourself a campervan/sports
car that looked uncannily like a
green hearse.
text: steve smith; pictures: supplied
The concept: Reverse
gear … who needs it?
Why stick it in R when you
can simply swivel the entire
cabin around? And that
wasn’t the only innovative
idea over at Nissan R&D – the
Pivo also featured navigation
and entertainment system
controls that responded to
hand signals. Brilliant. You
could give a fellow motorist
the finger and turn up the
volume at the same time.
72
Cars.indd 72
JULY 2013
kulula.com
2013/06/20 1:33 PM
THRIFTY_Khuluma_210x240_July_PR.indd 1
2013/06/03 1:16 PM
Introducing the Mitsubishi Ninja
Mitsubishi Forklifts and their local southern African
dealer, Masslift Africa (Pty) Ltd, are proud to announce
the introduction of a new low-cost, high-quality internal
combustion forklift called the Classic Diamond, better
known as the Mitsubishi Ninja.
Masslift Africa has teamed up with kulula.com for the
launch of the Ninja and has decided to support the Smile
Foundation, a charity that kulula.com is actively involved
with. For every Ninja bought through the special advertised
in the khuluma magazine, R5 000 will be donated to the
Smile Foundation, and the buyer will receive two free flights
on kulula.com. ‘Go Green with Mitsubishi and kulula.com’
is the apt slogan that has been chosen, considering both
companies’ commitment to fuel efficiency, and the wellknown colour of both brands.
The Ninja will be available in 2.5 and 3ton diesel and
petrol/LP gas models. It has an identical powertrain
(transmission, front and rear axle, and mast) to the current
Mitsubishi premium Grendia range. The Ninja has the
award-winning S4S, Tier 2 engine, which boasts very high
power output and the best fuel consumption on the market.
The quality manufacturing and parts allow Mitsubishi to
provide 500-hour service intervals, increasing up-time and
decreasing service costs. A larger counterweight opening
helps to improve the heat balancing, which is ideal for hot
climates such as Southern Africa.
A distinguishing feature of the Ninja is that it has
minimal electronics making it simple and robust, as well
as substantially cheaper to manufacture than other major
brands, while maintaining the reliability that is associated
with the Mitsubishi brand.
Geoff Tucker, who has over 30 years’ experience in the
forklift industry and is CEO of Masslift Africa, says ‘It almost
seems like Mitsubishi built a forklift specifically for Africa.
It is a high quality, robust product, with minimal electronics.
Plus, it saves the consumer money over the life of the
forklift with fuel consumption being anything from 0.4- and
1.6-litres per hour lighter than other makes. With climbing
diesel prices, this could save approximately R100 a day.
The Tier 2 compliant engine is in line with the majority of
the other top brands and durable even using the inferior
diesel often found in Africa. It is not often that you get an
opportunity to sell the most reliable product on the market
at considerably less than the other top brands.’
The Ninja arrived in South Africa in June and Masslift
Africa is ready to karate chop the introductory pricing, so
look out for some incredible specials!
MAIN FEATURES OF THE NEW MITSUBISHI NINJA
• Robust (Japanese powertrain)
• Reliable (Mitsubishi quality)
• Resale value (50% – five years/5 000 hours buyback)
• Reduced cost of ownership (2.1-litres per hour fuel
consumption and 500 hour service intervals)
• Ridiculously cheap (see our opening specials)
Marco Caverni, Sales Director, Masslift Africa; Geoff Tucker, CEO,
Masslift Africa and Revell Leyds, Brand Manager, kulula.com.
CONSERVATION ACTION
Close encounters
of the bird kind
pictures: anthony sharpe
Eagle Encounters is a sanctuary and rehabilitation
centre dedicated to caring for our birds of prey.
Anthony Sharpe sniffed a story – and an owl.
OKAY, I’VE GOT TO admit it. I’m a little
scared. I’ve been assured this bird is totally
chilled about being here. I know that its
real power lies in those talons (they can
crush the head of a deer, I’ve been told)
that are wrapped gently around the thick,
brown leather falconry glove protecting
the soft flesh of my hand.
But that magnificently curved beak
is perilously close to my face – and my
eyeballs. Every rational thought tells me
this bird has no reason or desire to scoop
out my optic nerve, but the thought is
there, hovering right in front of my face, at
the tip of a noble, feathered visage.
Suffice it to say, a black eagle demands
respect. After a few breath-taking minutes
and nervous grins for the camera, Anzio
kulula.com
Conservation.indd 75
slips the hood off Leo’s head and lifts
him gently from my arm. I hand back the
glove and my little plastic tag, having just
experienced a graphic illustration of why
this centre is called Eagle Encounters.
You scratch my feathers,
I’ll scratch yours…
Eagle Encounters was established in
2001 by Hank and Tracy Chalmers, on
land donated by Spier in the Western
Cape. ‘We approached Spier 12 years ago
because, even at that time, it was a leader
in all things organic and protecting the
environment,’ explains Tracy. ‘It would be
useless for us to rehabilitate and release
birds and animals into a poison-infested,
unbalanced environment. The relationship
is a good one, as our combined practices
complement each other well.’
Bird on a wire
This is no mere zoo – spend a few hours
here and you’ll understand that this centre
is more interested in getting birds skyward
than keeping them on terra firma. That being
said, there are a number of birds tethered to
perches or residing in sizeable cages. ‘Our
aim, in every situation, is to rehabilitate and
release,’ explains Tracy. ‘However, those
birds that have been illegally removed from
their nests and hand-raised are relegated
to remaining in captivity for their lifespan,
as they are human imprinted. These are
the birds that we use in our educational
awareness and ecotourism programmes.
JULY 2013
75
2013/06/21 11:08 AM
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CONSERVATION ACTION
DOES IT SUIT ME?
Our intrepid journo models this
season’s hot new accessory:
a grumpy owl.
‘We started with just nine birds,’ says
Tracy. ‘Soon, however, word got out and
the birds started to come in. Currently,
at any given time we have about 100.
This number changes daily as some are
released and new admissions arrive.’
The menagerie includes black,
martial and fish eagles; sparrowhawks;
gymnogenes; buzzards; yellow-billed kites;
myriad species of owl and a secretary
bird with a boot that would put Naas
Botha to shame. Ever seen a barn owl
dance? (Seriously, they bob and sway to
almost any kind of music.) Ever seen a
gymnogene using the roof of its enclosure
like a jungle gym? Ever seen a Cape
vulture tear into a goose carcass? Ever
petted a porcupine? (Best done carefully!)
This is the place to do it.
Enraptured with raptors
Eagles Encounters has a focus on
interaction and education, with a daily
schedule that includes falconry flying
displays, edutainment sessions for school
groups, raptor training sessions, and a
simulated snake hunt with the resident
secretary bird. Or you can just cuddle up
to one of the heart-stoppingly gorgeous
barn owls, sniff a spooky-eyed wood owl,
or offer your head as a perch to a grumpy
spotted eagle owl.
That’s just the in-house stuff. Eagle
Encounters documents raptor nest sites,
kulula.com
Conservation.indd 77
.
THUMBS UP
Anzio tries to
discourage his avian friend from
snacking on his digits.
LOOK AT ME, I’M CUTE!
And I can see into the very
depths of your soul…
does demonstrations in underprivileged
areas and works with the Khayelitsha
farming community to encourage natural
vermin control, among many other projects.
And that’s on top of the constant stream
of injured birds that come through the
door. ‘The most common issues we deal
with include car, fence and glass-window
collisions; poisoning; and illegal removal
from nests.’ The birds are brought in,
hooded and given a thorough medical
assessment before the treatment and
rehabilitation programme can begin.
Rehabilitation can take anything from
one day to four years, and cost anything
between R20 and R20 000.
Feathering the storm
This is where Eagle Encounters
encounters a problem: funding. ‘In order to
raise funds to do our most important work
of rescue, rehabilitation, and communityawareness and conservation projects, we
have to provide a unique and interesting
ecotourism programme,’ says Tracy. ‘This,
in itself, is full-time work.’ Moreover, the
centre is self-funded. ‘Literally, the number
of feet through the door dictates what
conservation work we can take on.’
There are also vital upkeep issues. ‘The
current entrance is a temporary structure
that was only supposed to last two years.
Due to having to place all available funds
raised over the years into rehabilitation and
HIYA!
Those legs may look skinny,
but a secretary bird’s kick can
kill a snake instantly.
conservation work, we have not been able
to raise sufficient funds for an education
room and proper clinic, which would allow
us to continue with our work during the
wet winter months. If anyone is able to
assist us, we would be most grateful.’
Trust me, one visit to the centre and
you’ll find it difficult not to want to get
involved. So shake your tail feather on
down and stare an eagle in the eye.
Check out www.eagle-encounters.co.za for
more info.
JULY 2013
77
2013/06/21 11:08 AM
ACTION FUN
Mind Benders
Whittle your wits with our wonderful brainteasers.
QUIZZICAL QUESTIONS
1. What is the smallest town in
South Africa?
2. How many times has South
Africa won the Rugby World Cup?
3. What is the oldest school in
South Africa?
4. Of which nut are SA and
Australia the biggest producers?
5. How is South Africa unique
in terms of its nuclear weapons
programme?
6. Can you name the species of the
largest antelope in South Africa?
7. Which South African politician
is unique for having signed each
of the treaties that ended the
World Wars?
8. What did Ferdinand Chauvier
invent in 1974?
9. Why did Allan Cormack win
the 1979 Nobel Prize for Medicine
or Physiology?
WHO AM I?
Can you figure out who these
famous South Africans are?
10. What is the world’s youngest
official language?
11. Which tea is grown only
in South Africa?
12. Who was the first South
African to win a Grammy?
13. How high is the Tugela Falls?
14. How deep is the
Jagersfontein mine?
15. How many South Africans
have received a Nobel Prize?
Can You Guess?
Unshuffle these images to figure out the
names of two South African towns.
Get
Wordy
Guess the correct meaning
of these three words.
1) trachle
\TRAH-khuh\
a) Part of your throat
b) A young Star Trek fan
c) An exhausting effort
2) logomachy
\loh-GOM-uh-kee\
a) An economy based on
wood sales
b) The maths behind
logarithmic equations
c) A dispute about or
concerning words
3) pablum
\PAB-luhm\
a) The sound of a small
explosion
b) The colour of a pear
c) Trite, insipid, or simplistic
writing or speech
Quizzical Questions: 1. Val, Mpumalanga; 2. Twice, 1995 and 2007; 3. South African College Schools (SACS), founded in 1829;
4. Macadamia; 5. SA is the only country to disarm itself voluntarily; 6. Eland; 7. Jan Smuts; 8. Kreepy Krauly; 9. Development of the
CAT scan; 10. Afrikaans; 11. Rooibos; 12. Miriam Makeba; 13. 950m; 14. Approximately 109km; 15. Ten; Get Wordy: 1. (c) 2. (c) 3. (c)
Who Am I? 1. Arnold Vosloo; 2. Dave Matthews; 3. Mosima Gabriel ‘Tokyo’ Sexwale; Can You Guess? Balfour; Cookhouse
78
JULY 2013
Mindbenders.indd 78
text: stuart ferguson; pictures: stockfreeimages.com
1
2
3
Born in 1962, I moved to Hollywood and
made my name playing a mummy.
Born in 1967, the band that bears my
name sold more tickets from 2000-2010
than any other act in North America.
Born in 1953, I have been both a
successful politician and businessman.
I normally go by my nickname, which is a
major Asian city.
kulula.com
2013/06/20 1:25 PM
CAPE TOWN
5t
89igh
Rper n
CAMPS BAY BEACH ACCOMMODATION
www.bloombergaccommodation.co.za • Tel: +27 82 773 1904
A minimum 3 night stay for luxury accommodation in Camps Bay. Valid for the period
May 2013 to October 2013. T&C apply.
Kahluma_May_Oct_200x111.indd 1
2013/03/19 4:44 PM
GAMES GUIDE
Playing with the past
Twiddle your thumbs down memory lane this month.
GAME OF THE MONTH
MAGIC THE GATHERING M14 CORE SET
Each year brings with it a new Core set of Magic: The Gathering cards – M14 in this case – to
introduce new spells, creatures and mythical characters to the ever-expanding collectable
card game.
Magic: The Gathering is a card game in which two or more players use decks of cards to do
battle against one another. Decks include creatures that can be summoned to combat, spells
and abilities that can quickly turn the tide of battle, and lands seething with magical energy that
can be tapped to fuel your forces.
Deck building is one of the key aspects of Magic, and with the 249 new cards introduced in
the Core set, players have access to a host of powerful new cards. Those who want to dabble in
the new set should jump into an Intro Pack, which contains a ready-to-play deck as well as two
booster packs – which include 15 random cards – to give you access to a few new options, as well
as the ability to trade with friends. Magic: The Gathering is available at most BT Games stores.
kulula.com
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JULY 2013
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2013/06/20 1:31 PM
GAMES GUIDE
NEW RELEASES
THE SMURFS 2
In honour of the upcoming Smurfs
movie, we’ve got a video game
themed around these blue, threeapple-high rascals that’s sure to be
filled with more magic-mushroom
references than a Beetles concert.
The Smurfs 2 features all
of your favourite diminutive
protagonists, including Smurfette,
Papa Smurf, Jokey Smurf, Clumsy Smurf, Hefty Smurf
and Gutsy Smurf, who venture from the safe confines
of the Enchanted Forest all the way to the top of the
Eiffel Tower. Expect lots of innuendo-filled word
replacement (‘Smurf that you smurfing smurf-off’) and
plenty of Mario-inspired platforming action as the group
takes on an army of Gargamel’s Naughties and eventually
the big meanie himself. There’s also a boss battle with a
cat, which is sure to be just about as silly as it sounds.
On smurfing BT Games shelves now, smurf-it!
84
Games.indd 84
JULY 2013
text and pictures: supplied by BT Games
NEW SUPER LUIGI U
This New Super Mario Bros. U spin-off sets
its focus squarely on the taller, greener
and often-overlooked other half of the
Super Mario Brothers, Luigi. Mario won’t
show face here at all, and as such a new
playable character is being introduced:
Nabbit the thieving character who chased
you in the original game. Nabbit presents
his own style of gameplay that’s designed
to make the game easier to grasp for
less-experienced players – he can’t use
power-ups, for example, but he also won’t
take any damage either.
The game offers 82 Luigi-centric levels designed to present all-new
challenges for players to overcome, highlighting Luigi’s unique set of
abilities. You can freely switch between alternate versions of all the original
game’s levels as well, making for a huge amount of fresh content on offer
here, which fans of the New Super Mario Bros. series are sure to appreciate.
Go green at a BT Games store now.
kulula.com
2013/06/20 1:31 PM
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REPRO_Kulula_Ad_210x240 6/21/13 10:02 AM Page 1
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Half empty
or half full?
BUSINESS GUIDE
Having a positive attitude is all good and well, but when
it comes to investment decisions, this inherent bias can
have disastrous consequences. Katherine Graham
takes a close look at her glass.
IT’S A PHENOMENON that was first
demonstrated by researcher Neil
Weinstein in 1980. The university students
he interviewed shared this in common:
they all believed the odds of bad things
happening to them – such as divorce
or having a drinking problem – were
less than for others, while their odds of
experiencing good things – owning their
own home and living past the age of 80,
for example – were greater.
Call it unrealistic expectations or an
illusion of invulnerability, but there’s no
doubt that this is a powerful psychological
force. If you don’t think you’re at risk of
heart disease, you’re less likely to go
for regular check-ups or change your
lifestyle. If you don’t think you’ll ever
get skin cancer, you’re unlikely to smear
yourself with sunscreen in the morning.
Your perception of risk is distorted.
illustration: rashied rahbeeni
Banking on bias
It isn’t hard to see how this theory
relates to investing. ‘The very nature
of investing tends towards optimism
bias,’ says Tim Dearden, CFO of Vena
Solutions. ‘When your stock goes down,
do you “double down” and buy more or
do you keep your position in spite of
changes in economic circumstances?’
Tim believes investors often may have
an emotional attachment to a stock,
instead of being truly disciplined by
having a stop-loss or hedging strategy
that allows them to admit their mistake
and move on.
kulula.com
Business NEw.indd 87
Optimism bias is such a reality
among investors that financial planner
Kim Potgieter, of Chartered Wealth
Solutions, has started doing personality
assessments on her new clients.
‘A motivator has a more optimistic
personality and is more influenced by how
the markets are performing at the time,’
she comments. ‘On the other hand, the
analytical personality type is always more
cautious, anticipating the worst.’
performers over the 10-year period 1997
to 2007, causing many investors to have
chosen these funds.
It’s not all rosy
Blue chip blues
Is there really no difference between
investors and the Saturday-afternoon
queue of people waiting to buy their
Lotto ticket? Perhaps, if you’re slightly
pessimistic. Here’s a frightening illustration
given by Marriott CEO, Simon Pearse: ‘If
we were to look back 15 years, it is unlikely
that we would have found anyone who
would’ve said that the equity markets in
the US, the UK, Europe or Japan would not
have increased in value by now. The reality
is that these markets have been static for a
decade and a half.’
Eina! And what about domestic
markets? In the SA unit-trust industry,
which represents some two-million
investors and 473 000 accounts in general
equity funds, returns in the past decade
have been far from impressive. Says
Simon, ‘In the 10 years to December 2012,
only 28% of the accounts outperformed
the average and 72% showed a return
below the average.’ Why? Quite simply, the
poorest-performing funds were the best
So how do we filter out this pesky
tendency to be over-optimistic? Good
news for the mildly depressed (and
those seasonally affected by the winter
blues) is that this is a good frame of mind
for investing. ‘People who are mildly
depressed are in a better position to make
investment decisions because they are
more able to see reality for what it is,
warts and all,’ explains Simon.
As always, stay clear of the potholes.
‘Avoid stocks that are priced for
aggressive growth in order not to suffer
the capital losses incurred when the overoptimistic pricing unwinds, as it inevitably
does,’ advises Nedbank Private Wealth
economist Madalet Sessions. ‘Buying a
diversified portfolio of shares, exposed to
different geographies, business models
and growth prospects, is the best strategy
for earning appropriate risk-adjusted
returns from your investments.’
Perhaps seeing the glass as half empty
is the key to filling it in the long run.
JULY 2013
87
2013/06/20 1:14 PM
LIVE YOUR DREAM - we’ll make it happen
www.realty-1.co.za
PROPERTY GUIDE
Honey, did
I lock the
back door?
Whether you’re headed off on a short weekend
away or a longer winter break, set your mind at
ease by following these simple steps.
text: supplied by Property24; picture: istockphoto
Lockdown
Have you ever found yourself
halfway out of the city, only
to wonder whether or not you
locked every door properly?
Save yourself the stress, or
possibly a detour back home
to double check, and instead
lock up the night before you
leave. This is particularly
useful if you are planning on
heading off on your trip early
in the morning when your
mind is still a little foggy.
Lock up windows and doors
the day before, leaving only
the main exit to lock up on
your departure.
Fully loaded
Loading a car up with bags is
a clear sign to anyone paying
attention that the house will
be an easy target. Instead of
making trip after trip between
your front door and the car,
kulula.com
Property.indd 89
try to pack your car out of
sight of the road in your
complex, or while your car is
still in the garage.
friendly neighbour to clear
your post box every few days
and store your mail until you
get home.
Garden state
Everything is
illuminated
Giving the impression that
people are at home can be a
good deterrent and there are
a number of ways to do this.
Overgrown lawns and hedges
suggest no one is home, so
maintain the human touch on
the exterior of the house. Book
your garden service or call
in a favour from a friend,
and arrange for your lawn
to be mowed and hedges to
be trimmed.
You’ve got mail
Nothing highlights the absence
of residents like an overflowing
mailbox, and this is something
that is easily overlooked. The
simplest solution is to ask a
Neighbours or a good friend
can also be really helpful in
giving the impression of life
in the house by checking up
on your property from time to
time and possibly switching
on a few lights, or a radio or
TV for a while. It is always
wise to leave a spare key with
someone you trust, and having
an alert neighbour who is
aware of your absence can be
invaluable in raising an alarm
should there be any indication
of unsavoury characters
lurking about.
If you don’t want to
inconvenience anyone by
asking them to turn on lights,
installing and setting a timer
is very effective. Setting lights
to come on in the evening and
off again at bedtime gives the
impression of a full household,
and can act as a deterrent
to opportunistic criminals.
Motion-sensor lights on the
exterior of your house are also
valuable in lighting up dark
corners of the property.
Pay it forward
To make sure these measures
are effective, don’t forget to
load enough electricity and pay
your bills upfront. Lighting and
alarms are key to the security
of your home, so make sure
these will be active for the
entire duration of your holiday.
With these steps taken and
measures in place, all that is
left is to top up your petrol,
pack your padkos and head off
on your holiday adventures!
JULY 2013
89
2013/06/20 1:23 PM
Of facial foliage
and fluey friends
HEALTH FACTS
Check out our healthy highlights for July.
You can beard on it
Guys, what’s hot, hairy and sits on your face? Your beard! While facial foliage
has its fair share of both fans and detractors, it’s only fair that science should
settle the dispute of whether your glorious features really are better with a
beard once and for all. Here’s what science has to say:
• High-five, you handsome, hirsute devils! Apparently, your wondrous whiskers
have real health and beauty benefits. According to a study from the
University of Southern Queensland, published in the Radiation Protection
Dosimetry journal, beards can block 90-95% of damaging UV rays, meaning
that they reduce your risk of skin cancer on one of the areas most frequently
exposed to the elements. As UV rays are a leading cause of wrinkles, this
slows the ageing process, too.
• Allergy sufferers may find that their beards serve as a hairy line of defence
when it comes to pollen and dust, and if you care about the state of your
skin, remember that shaving can lead to ingrown hairs and bacterial
infections that cause acne. Hirsute up!
Wise up on winter health
text: annie brookstone; pictures: sxc.hu
Here’s what you need to know about staying healthy during the
chilly season:
1. Being out in the cold won’t cause you to ‘catch’ a cold. In fact, spending
a little more time outdoors might be exactly what it takes to avoid getting sick,
since colds and the flu are caused by viruses that are spread through close
contact – and nothing says close contact like spending all day huddled up
indoors with others. Go out and get some air.
2. Boost your immune system. Let’s face it,
when it’s cold and miserable outside you will
be spending plenty of time huddled up indoors
with others – and their germs. So be sure
to get enough sleep, stay hydrated, eat
vitamin-packed foods and maintain your
exercise routine.
3. Your mother was right: chicken soup really
can zap a cold. There’s real science behind
the magic, too. Apparently, the hearty
broth causes something called neutrophil aggregation, which basically means ‘bringing
white blood cells together’, and it just so happens that white blood cells are your body’s
The incre
ase in yo
infection fighters.
risk of de
ur
veloping
4. As dry as a desert. Dry skin is more than just an annoyance; small cracks in the
type 2
diabetes
by drinkin
skin can become portals for infection. Keep your skin adequately hydrated in winter by
g just
one suga
r-sweete
ned soft
moisturising twice daily, and it’ll keep protecting you the way it should.
drink
20%
a day vers
us one
or less a
month.
kulula.com
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JULY 2013
91
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havana_khuluma_06_13 6/20/13 4:09 PM Page 1
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Yegadgets!
GADGETS GUIDE
James Matthew shines a little light in the darkness and tries to
prevent his pocket from being lightened in dark alleyways.
pictures: The Gadget Shop
Process of illumination
Don’t be left in the dark, folks. It’s no new news that the power
grid tends to end up under significant duress throughout winter.
At times, a collective groan can be heard emanating from
the suburbs and the shanties as the system kicks the bucket
and everyone is forced to bump around in the dark looking for
candles or a torch.
I’m all for pre-emptive strikes, and much can be done to avert
the all-consuming darkness of third-world infrastructures –
like turning off major appliances at peak times, smartening up
your geyser habits or simply shutting off the electricity to your
home entirely and enjoying the night sky with a blanket, a fire
and a chalice of wine. Alas, not everyone in our fair country
gives enough of a hoot to be sensible; invariably, stability is
compromised and, poof, out go the lights.
If you invest in this nifty Rechargeable LED Lightglobe, you
can be a shining beacon in the burbs. This handy bulb is preemptive on your behalf, utilising a built-in battery to safeguard
about three hours of power so that when the current goes belly
up, you can merrily continue about your business. Illuminating
stuff, I say! Also, if need be, pop it out of the socket, extend the
neck and the Lightglobe functions as an emergency flashlight,
meaning you are free to be a good samaritan to your hapless,
stricken neighbours.
Get it at www.thegadgetshop.co.za for R199.
kulula.com
Gadgets NEW.indd 93
Mind your bees and honey
I’m the sort of person who wanders down dark alleyways, always
intrigued by those spaces around us where one can find the cracks
in the façade of normalcy. The places where the classes inevitably
sandwich together and are forced to negotiate each other’s varied
delinquencies. In short, I often put myself in danger of getting ripped
off by another shining example of SA’s legion of wealth-redistribution
agents. Thankfully, I’m not terribly flush most of the time and don’t
ever stand to lose much more than my life.
However, obfuscating whatever cash I do happen to be carrying
inside a wallet that looks like a valueless folded-over map may mean
that I come away from the next brush with an outlaw not too much
out of pocket. If you’re not one to thrill-seek like myself, there are
also normal reasons why you carry one of these ingenious wallets.
The Mighty Wallet is incredibly thin – unless you like to go
full gangster and carry wads of capital around – which means no
awkward bulges in your pants and a happier spinal column. They’re
stronger than you might believe – despite being made from paper
– and will resist tearing and disintegrating for far longer than the
money clasped inside. They’re water-resistant too, meaning they’ll
survive the occasional spin-cycle. Lastly, they’re pretty ‘green’ – no
animals were skinned in the making and, once you have worn one out
through the friction of too many credit-card binges, you can simply
recycle it and invest in another.
Get it at www.thegadgetshop.co.za for R169.
JULY 2013
93
2013/06/20 1:22 PM
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062013 - 240mm x 210mm - MSC Cruises - Full Colour - English - Khuluma.indd 1
2013/06/20 04:40:39 PM
PET TIPS
the challenge – and you live in a place where
it’s legal to own a skunk – you’ll be rewarded
with a loving, loyal friend who’ll be happy
to curl into a ball, cover his nose with his
soft, bushy tail and snooze by your side all
day long.
Hedgehogs
Can you teach
a spider to sit?
There are dog people and there are cat people … and then
there are tarantula people. Janna Joseph cuddles up to
five seriously strange household pets.
Tarantulas
Fancy a Brazilian Giant Blonde? Think
carefully before you ask where to sign up,
because this blonde is not the butt of jokes.
But if ‘nervous’, ‘defensive’ and ‘prone to
kicking swarms of hair’ describe your
dream pet, this 18-22cm tarantula just
might become your favourite furry (or is
it hairy?) friend.
Or perhaps you’d prefer the retrosounding Fringed Ornamental? Described as
‘very fast’ and ‘skittish’, and endowed with
potent venom, this tarantula sounds like
the perfect pet to snuggle up to on a cold
winter’s night. As long as you don’t expect
him to sit on command.
picture: sxc.hu
Scorpions
Got a death wish? Need an adrenaline rush
and can’t afford to go skydiving? Either way,
you should get yourself a black spitting
scorpion. At less than R100, it’s one of
the cheapest ways to scare yourself silly.
Capable of growing up to 15cm, this shiny,
black beauty comes fully loaded with a tail
kulula.com
Pets NEW.indd 95
full of potentially lethal venom. It’s also said
to spray its venom, but don’t worry – this
only happens rarely. As a general rule, just
stay away from the tail and you should
have a long (five to seven years), happy
life together.
Skunks
They may be notoriously smelly, but skunks
are also known to make fun, friendly
pets (especially once their scent glands
have been removed at the tender age
of four weeks). Described as intelligent,
affectionate and playful, these mammals
are popular pets in America, Canada, Italy,
Germany and the Netherlands. They won’t
cover your carpets with hair, which makes
them good pets for people with allergies,
and they can even be housetrained like
cats. Just be warned: skunks are extremely
curious, and will most probably learn how
to open your cupboards and even your
fridge. They can also be stubborn, and you
may have a hard time finding a vet who has
experience treating them. If you’re up for
If you thought the big bad wolf huffed
and puffed, then just wait ’til you hear a
hedgehog. Not only can this unusual pet
curl into a cute (albeit prickly) ball,
but it can also huff and puff – visit
http://tinyurl.com/hedgehoghuff to hear
one in action. Hedgehogs can also whistle,
snuffle, snort, grunt, pop, click and purr, so
prepare for hours of auditory entertainment.
Needless to say, you should also prepare
for some rather nasty pokes while you’re
learning to handle your prickly pet. Although
they’re fairly low maintenance and tend
to spend most of the average day in a ball,
hedgehogs aren’t the easiest pets to own and
it’s important that aspiring owners do their
research properly.
Bearded dragon lizards
The bearded dragon is the most popular pet
lizard in South Africa, and it isn’t too difficult
to understand why (if you like that sort of
thing). They’re adaptable, docile, quiet and
hardy, and they don’t demand much from
their owners – just a comfy vivarium with
full-spectrum UV
lighting and
a few nice
While an ex
otic pet may
basking spots,
sound
exciting and
all of the an
plus a steady
im
als in
this article ar
e kept as pe
supply of live
ts, we’re
by no means
promoting th
insects to eat.
e practice
of keeping a
wild animal
as a pet.
Captivity re
sults in an un
natural life
for wild anim
als, and man
y of them
die during ca
pture and tr
ansportatio
Do your rese
n.
arch and de
al with
responsible
dealers only
.
IMPORTAN
T NOTE!
JULY 2013
95
2013/06/20 1:35 PM
JOURNAL JOURNEY
Fear and
self-loathing
in Las Vegas
SO THERE I WAS trying to maintain my
dignity, propped up in front of a digital version
of a one-armed bandit. Only, today’s machines
have been emasculated. There’s no arm to
pull. No moving parts at all, in fact. Just
software designed to make all the lights and
bright colours seem like games of chance.
Let me lift the lid on this one commonly
held myth: It is not for reasons of propriety
that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
It’s because most of what happens there is so
embarrassingly delinquent nobody wants the
truth to get out.
Casinos are only the beginning. In Vegas,
they cleverly call it ‘gaming’, which makes
sense because the mobsters responsible
don’t like to gamble. They’d rather take your
money without taking chances. Instead of
murdering and then robbing you (which
would be like killing the goose that lays the
golden egg), they make a game of emptying
your wallet. This they achieve with flashing
lights, special effects and high-pitched
sounds – it’s like Disneyland on acid.
They’re games, yes, but the odds are
stacked firmly in favour of the casinos.
Otherwise they’d be called charities. If you do
find a way of beating the system, it’s deemed
cheating. ‘Cheaters’ stand a good chance
of getting kicked out, perhaps accompanied
by a free ride into the desert, where they’re
expected to dig their own grave before being
buried alive.
It’s this scenario, gleaned from Hollywood
and lack of sleep, that plays over in my head
as I senselessly feed dimes into the armless
96
JULY 2013
Column NEW.indd 96
slot machine, reassuring myself that
winning might in fact be life-threatening.
I try explaining this twisted logic to my
60-year-old cocktail waitress, who has
been supplying me with free drinks for
days. The compulsion to stay put is intense,
but eventually the pain in my bladder
overwhelms me and I ask the waitress to
watch my machine while I find relief.
Released from the spell of the slots,
I am suddenly motivated to sneak out
of the casino in search of fresh air and
some Cirque du Soleil. There are plenty of
spectacular shows in town, but I mistakenly
buy a discounted ticket off a homeless guy
and end up at a Celine Dion concert, which
is like watching grass grow while listening
to the gardener being strangled. I numb
the pain with liquor and then, desperate
to reclaim my manhood, head for a strip
club, where I misinterpret the rules and get
ejected for taking my clothes off.
I find a nightclub willing to admit me and,
after a few hours of extravagant dancing,
find myself saying ‘I do’ in front of an
Elvis impersonator at an all-night chapel.
I land back at my hotel just in time to beat
the queue for the buffet. Midway through
our honeymoon breakfast, my new wife
mumbles something about ‘charging by
the hour’ – which is more or less when the
coffee kicks in, the room stops spinning and
I remember my abandoned slot machine.
Using the smorgasbord as a smokescreen,
I ditch the hooker, run back to the casino and
find my cocktail waitress dutifully watching
my seat.
‘What took you so long?’ she asks.
‘I could tell you,’ I say, reaching for my
wallet, ‘but I’d have to kill you!’
illustration: michaela verity
Keith Bain gambles with his sanity in Sin City.
kulula.com
2013/06/20 1:08 PM
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Islands, whilst also exporting our products to over 30 more countries.
Determined to become the oil company of choice in sub-Saharan Africa
and the Indian Ocean Islands, we’re more committed than ever to delivering
petroleum-based products and retail convenience across the continent, and
being a key driver of Africa and its people’s success.
27391_Europcar Kulula Deal Print_240x210.indd 1
2013/06/13 3:51 PM