Vol 18 Iss 3 - The Lone Star Performance Buick Club

Transcription

Quick Times
Lone Star Performance Buick Club
Volume 18 Issue 3
Winter 2006
Inside QT:
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From The Pres’ Corner
From The VP’s Corner
Car Shows & Racing
Pinks All Out Coverage
B v. F Shootout Coverage
The Right Tool?
Officers :
President:
Rick Kinworthy
Vice President:
David Newton
Secretary
Morgan Farrington
Treasurer:
Morgan Farrington
Show Directors:
Victor Segovia
Bob Schuck
Race Director:
Patrick Smith
Newsletter Editor & Design:
Carl Brimer
Webmaster:
Daniel Oviedo
Photography:
As Noted
Quick Times is the official publication of the Lone Star
Performance Buick Club (Chapter of the GS Club of America).
No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or
manner without the express consent of the Lone Star Buick
Chapter GSCA, unless this publication is listed as the source.
Club dues are $30 per year and are payable every January 1st.
Dues entitle the member to a one year subscription to Quick
Times along with other benefits accordingly. The “Buick” name
and all other related Buick model names are registered trademarks of the General Motors Corporation. And are used with
permission by the Lone Star Performance Buick Chapter GSCA
through it’s association with the Buick GS Club of America.
Photo By Carl Brimer
LSPBC members Larry Johnson, Tim Winn along with many others, watch as the
Pinks film crew interviews John Nguyen.
The first ever “Pinks All Out” show was filmed at the Texas Motorplex in
September. Even with the threat of possible rain it turned out to be a
beautiful day for racing. Although LSPBC member John Nguyen and
Houston native Ryan Mosely were the only Buicks featured in the final
show, there were several other Buick racers there as well. Jack Laswell
was there with his fast Z28 Camaro. Kyle Faulkner flexed his muscles
with his very competitive Ford powered Firebird. David Newton brought
out his 86 Grand National and several others from the Oklahoma Buick
Club were there as well. In fact, the entire field of entrants spanned from
all over the U.S.! There was some really awesome power on display to
tickle anyone’s horsepower bone. A beautiful yellow twin turbo small
block 1969 Camaro, a blue 70’s Malibu with a Pro-Stock Truck engine
and red ZR-1 bodied Corvette with a huge big block were just some of
the examples of the high horsepower end of the field. Read more of
John and Ryan‘s adventure inside this issue of Quick Times. -CB
A Word From the President
A Word From the Vice President
Thank you all for the great year
we had together! We had some difficult times this year, but; overall I think
that everyone had a good time. The
racing season was just as exciting as
usual. I was in a tight competition at
the end, but; Ron Britton caught me
for the points win. Congratulations Ron! Unfortunately, we did not make enough at the car shows
this year to be fully rewarded. However, I am
happy with having some bragging rights and knowing that I had a lot of fun hanging out with everyone. Thank you all for your participation and for
helping make our club a continuing success. I look
forward to seeing you at the Christmas party and
hearing some fish stories. Happy holidays,
be safe and get em’ ready for next year!
Hey guy's and gals. I hope
everyone is doing well! As 2006
winds down, we start getting geared
up for 2007! The LSPBC Christmas
party is coming up on December 10th.
It will be held at Morgan's home in
Flower Mound again. We will also be
holding elections for the new year and handing out
the awards for 2006. I hope to see all of you there.
Also, keep in mind that club memberships are due
as of January 1st. They are still $30 per year and
are critical to our organization’s activities. Please,
if you are able to get your dues taken care of at the
Xmas party, it will be greatly appreciated. It would
really help the club get ready for next year’s
budget.
Rick Kinworthy
LSPBC President ‘06
BPG News
The BPG Board of Directors is excited to announce the 2007 BPG Buick Horsepower Nationals will be held on August 3-5, 2007 at the National
Trail Raceway in Hebron, OH. The Board is also
pleased to announce John Chamberlain has joined
forces with the BPG to promote and manage this
event. The BPG and John Chamberlain have combined the two summer events (Buick Horsepower
Nationals and BPG Nationals) into one event. The
BPG Buick Horsepower Nationals will better serve
the interests of the Buick Community. National
Trail Raceway (NTR) is located in Hebron, OH, 26
miles east of Columbus, OH and 5 miles west of
Newark /Heath, OH. NTR has been the home of
the NHRA Pontiac Performance Nationals since
1972. For more information about NTR go to:
www.nationaltrailraceway.com.
It is time to circle the calendars and contact your
friends. Look for more announcements regarding
host hotels and event scheduling within the next
few weeks. This has all the makings of one great
summer event. Let's share in the excitement. As
always, we are here to have fun.
— The OK Buicks & John Schmidt
There are two big events coming up quickly
in '07. The Full Throttle V6.com Southern Clash
will be held at Lonestar Motorsports Park in Sealy,
Texas on February 17, 2007. The V6 Southern
Clash sounds like a lot of fun. It is an any brand
V6 only drag race. So, not only can we run the V6
event; we will get to grudge race the Fords as well.
Don’t be mislead by the title, there will be some
other brands of turbo / supercharged / sprayed V6
cars there too! Be prepared for some REALLY
good air as well! This could be a unique opportunity to establish a new personal best for yourself.
The 2007 AutoRama will also be held February 16-18, 2007. Last year the LSPBC had a
nice six car display. Maybe, we can do two displays this year with one being solid black. If you
know what I mean!
Be sure to check out the events section in
this newsletter or on our website for more information.
See you at the other end!
David Newton
LSPBC Vice-President ‘06
December 2006
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Winter Begins
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January 2007
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February 2007
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March 2007
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Spring
Forward!
FULL THROTTLE V6 SOUTHERN CLASH
Houston, TX
Feb 16th-19th 2007
Race Day 17th
The Track
LONESTAR MOTORSPORTS PARK
120 Old Columbus Road South
Sealy, TX 77474
http://www.turbov6camaro.com/clash2007.htm
Heads up Clash’s :
N/A RWD
Power Adder RWD
N/A FWD
Power Adder FWD
All: Anything goes: no minimum weights, no tire size limits, any power adder you want. Only rule's are that
everyone leave off a foot brake, no trans brakes allowed, and no bitching.
Bracket Bash's:
Street Tire (regular street radials, nothing racing related even if it is DOT stamped)
Drag Tire 14.00 or slower (open tire)
Drag Tire 13.99 or quicker (open tire)
Driver responsiblity to enter the right class. Class change's shall be allowed after the first TNT.
May enter more then one class.
Car Show:
Best of Show
Best F-body
Best W-body
Best N-body
Best P-body
Best whatever platforms show that are not listed.
Prizes for best wheels, system, chrome, engine compartment.
Voting: Popular vote. Everyone gets a ballot. Owner responible for their own ballot box. (still open to discustion.)
HOTEL INFO:
Best Western Inn of Sealy
2107 Highway 36 S, Sealy, TX, 77474-4112,
Phone: 979-885-3707
Please call and make your reservation BEFORE 01FEB2007
after that i have to cancel the rooms or they go on my card !!!!!!
Tell them you are with Southern Clash
$67.49 Per night plus tax.
All rooms are 2 double bed rooms
Only about 7 miles from track.
www.FullThrottleV6.com
2006 Chuck’s Cruise Shows
A few of the Buicks on hand were selected and photographed to be included in an upcoming 2007 calendar!
Rick Kinworthy brought out a beautiful Cadillac XLR convertible courtesy of Sewell Cadillac.
Crusin’ at Chuck’s
Kyle Faulkner’s “FireFord” ‘69 Firebird was a crowd pleaser.
For Sale:
2002 Featherlite Model 3110
ALL aluminum, stored indoors, never towed in rain
except for a bit coming back from a track a time or
two. Trailer tows superbly behind about anything
as it only weighs 1400#'s. Six-foot aluminum
ramps and aluminum removable fenders means
you can get a low car on it. It is 17.5' deck length,
22' total length, and 8.5' total width. Has about
5000-6000 miles on it, Goodyear radial towing
tires plus same for spare ($200), dual axle brakes,
dual 3500# axles (5600# payload). I have an aluminum toolbox ($100) on the front, a newer 5000#
SuperWinch on it with battery ($500), battery box,
and remote control, plus weight bars (8000# trunion bars, $300)...I don't use the trunion bars with
my Heavy Duty truck, but they help if you tow with
a small SUV.
New, these retail, WITHOUT the extras, for near
$6000, with the cheapest going rate WITHOUT
the extras about $4500-$4700.
I'll sell for $3500 WITHOUT the extras, or $4000
with the extras. Not a cheap trailer, but you get
what you pay for.
Email me DIRECTLY at [email protected].
Thanks! -Dave Whitten
Hypertech III programmer
(black case) for 2001-2004 Chevy Duramax
Diesel. cable, instructions, perfect condition. Plugs
into ALDL under dash. 3 power levels, 50, 70, and
90 HP. Can program wheel size, shift points Etc.
Asking $195 firm. Can deliver to Noble Saturday.
Call 817808-8213 or email me directly at
[email protected].
Thanks! -Mitch Smith
"Car Guard" A removable steering column guard
that I got from Kirban's. ($40.00) Scanmaster 2.0
Works fine, no problems at all. I even have the installation manual. ($180.00) I Prefer pick-up or I
can meet you some where close. I live in N FtW
near I-35 and Loop 820. 580-917-3160
Ask for Carl Brimer
Thanks! -Frank Martinez
[email protected]
The 11th Annual Buick v. Ford Shoot-Out
Photo By Denise Hosack
With the help of LSPBC member John Nguyen serving as
race director of the shootout, the event went on as planned.
The weather once again was beautiful, the food was great
and camaraderie could not have been beat!
Buick v. Ford Shoot-Out Results — Courtesy of the OKC Buicks
His email address is [email protected]. His phone number is
281-723-6328.
Anyone interested in specific pictures of their cars from this
event can contact photographer Robert Grice directly.
Bob Schuck and Victor Segovia served the club well this
year by fulfilling the duties of LSPBC Show Directors.
TropiCare car products remains a loyal supporter of the club.
Several of his products were also donated for door prizes!
Feature: “Pinks All Out” Comes to Texas
Say what you will about the
“Pinks” show that airs on the
Speed Channel. It tends to
have either a love it or hate it
relationship with its viewers.
This, however, was a whole
new and different approach to their program. No
titles were required to be put on the line for this
event. However, they did state that they would
make special provisions if someone wanted to do
so. Nope, this time the main object of everyone’s
ultimate goal was to be one of 16 racers to qualify
to race for cold hard cash. Although the producers
initially advertised the event as wanting the fastest
street racers from around the country, they later
changed their mind by saying no matter what it is,
bring it. Initially calling it a street legal event was
later stated by Rich Christensen, the host and
creator of the series, as a mistake. To give him
credit, this was the pilot program. They started out
with an idea, put up the expenditures to see how it
would work and made changes as necessary.
— By Carl Brimer
The number of entrants was awesome. It has
been reported that a total nearing 300 cars was in
attendance. Looking around in the pits at the incredible variety was like being at a mini national
event. The promise of cash and the lack of definitive rules brought out 7 second cars and 17 second cars. The one thing that everyone knew was
that they were expected to run “all out”. No sandbagging, no excuses, period.
John Nguyen makes his first qualifying pass down the track.
The entrants were called for their first qualifying
pass based upon their entry number. This allowed
them to call everyone up in groups rather than
flooding the staging lanes all at once. This was
especially nice because the temperature was
warming up quickly. The first pass for everyone
established a baseline number. The entrants were
provided with a time slip and their runs were
posted on the boards for everyone to see.
The day started out early to get in line, get the best parking
spots and go through tech. Here Mitch Smith, Rick Kinworthy and Larry Johnson try to tell me that it is too early to be
taking pictures.
John Nguyen’s adventures began late the prior
evening. While loading up his car, a transmission
line failure caused fluid to spray all over the car
and trailer. He, with the help of Rick Kinworthy
and others stayed up until about 2:00 am fetching
parts and repairing the damage. The 5:00 am
alarm to get up and ready came really fast! We all
arrived at the Motorplex about 7:00 am to meet our
fellow racers and get in line.
Wheelie bars shmeelie bars! The DFWStangs.com board
had several members in attendance as well. This one nearly
tore off his bumper during this wild pass!
LSPBC member Kyle Faulkner had a crowd of people all day
looking and asking questions about his beautiful ‘69 Firebird.
They had to find out what a Fire-Ford was! Some, found out
the hard way.
Previous contestants of a “Pinks” episode in attendance
were guaranteed a spot in the final 16. It had obviously
been a long day at the track. Here Donnie, owner of
ProStreet Motorsports and previous “Pinks” winner gets a
little rest. Ryan Mosley in the background gets ready for his
run-off to qualify for the top 16.
There was plenty of time to hang out and chat between the
scheduled rounds.
David Newton busted out some delicious hamburgers for the
club members and friends. This was especially nice since it
cost about $10.00 to buy a dry burger and a large soda from
Billy Meyer! The tents that Kyle and the OK Buicks set up
were a perfect refuge from the sun.
John Nguyen hangs out cool, calm
and happy to be selected to compete in the final 16. It was exciting
for me as a spectator and a friend
to imagine what was in store for
him! Little did we know how incredible the experience was actually going to unfold.
Round two of qualifying was to be a little different.
Using only the staging beams to line up the cars,
Rich was there pointing and dropping his arms for
all 125+ pairs. Each of the pairs going down the
track for round two were timed, but; no time slips
were provided and the E.T.’s were not displayed.
The producers wanted to compare everyone’s first
run with their second run for consistency. Remember, everyone was supposed to be running “all
out”. After round two of qualifying was completed,
it was time to decide the sweet 16 players. Up in
the tower Rich and casting director Nate Pritchett
were sorting through all the racers. They had what
looked like a war room board where everyone’s
picture was displayed and grouped according to
their E.T.’s. When it was all said and done, the 10
second group proved to be the fastest group with
the most possible competitors. Now things had to
be changed. Being touted as a heads up race,
they wanted the rounds to be as even between the
racers as possible. It was possibly then that the
idea of this being a “street legal” event had to go.
Based on the numbers, the low 10’s proved to be
the tightest group. Except, there was just one little
problem. There were more than 16 good racers
available in this category. The solution was to hold
a runoff for a few open slots. If you get to catch a
re-run of this program, listen closely as Nate points
out John Nguyen as a solid, in the show contender. Upon hearing this Rich responded “Yes! A
crowd pleaser!”. As the participants were decided,
the film crew was instructed to go through the pit
area and talk to the newly named contestants. We
were so far back in the pits that we did not hear
John’s name announced as qualified. It was not
until the golf carts and film crew pulled up behind
his car that we excitedly new that something was
up. They asked all the usual questions about his
car like: “What is it. What has been done and how
much horsepower does it have?”. The final question to John was, “What would you do if you won
the $10K?”. Unfortunately, I don’t think that John’s
answer made the cut for the show. If you pay attention you will notice that everyone else had virtually the same reply to this question. That reply
was “I will probably put it back into the car”. However, John’s immediate answer to that question
was “I will use it to help pay for my tuition at graduate school”. The interviewer noted to John on the
side that he was the only one who did not have the
same answer. I think that the thought of the purse
possibly being used for education purposes really
struck a chord with them. Soon, it would be time
to head to the staging lanes and duke it out. Fortunately, with all this waiting around going on, a
thunderstorm moved in and slid away in the distance. It was fortunate because it provided us with
some much needed shade!
There was plenty of time in the staging lanes to ham it up for
pictures with LSPBC’s new star. We all made an effort to
sport our Buick shirts! Unfortunately, they did not get much
air time.
Now on to the staging lanes, where we all waited
for the production crew to do all the behind the
scenes work. By the time they pulled the cars up
to the tower, the sun had already set. The spectator crowd had packed the pit side stands and all
the tower suite balconies. A group of us was allowed to follow John to the starting line as part of
his support group. Entering from under the tower
while we heard the roar of the crowd was amazing! It was like walking into one gigantic party
zone. There were people hanging off the suite balconies shouting, clapping and rooting everyone on.
Even the “super seat” zones were packed on both
sides. Houston native Ryan Mosley who was
John is first in line to enter the “party zone”.
More interviews with all the drivers in the staging lanes.
John assumes his spot in front of the tower next to Donnie
as the remaining contestants are directed to their positions.
John signs the waiver and release forms required for the
production. Meanwhile, the film crew was mounting some
very expensive camera equipment aboard his GN.
chosen to be among the eight for the runoff approached the tower. It was time to find out who
would grasp the final open spots in the sweet sixteen. Although Ryan’s beautiful grey T-Type is
equipped with a 109 block, it had proven its
strength. His final runoff opponent would be a formidable Fox Mustang sporting a chute and wheelie
bars. Both competitors launched with their wheels
up in the air. Ryan was a little ahead going down
the track, but; the Mustang was coming on strong.
In the end, Ryan came out as the winner in a very
close race. Even after playing the video back in
slow motion, it is hard to tell if the difference was
any more than just a handful of inches! Ryan was
now qualified for a slot to compete for the first
round’s $1000.00 purse.
All the way from Houston, Ryan Mosley advances against
his opponent to gain a spot in the sweet sixteen.
The competition was a hodgepodge of all makes and models. Each of them had been hand picked to be as closely
competitive to each other as possible. Theoretically, it was
now going to be a driver’s race.
For each of the rounds of competition, the drivers
and their teams received a few simple instructions.
The main one of course was to not “pedal” their
cars down the track. Again, it was to be an “all
out” run. The choice of who was going to run who
was all decided by who was closest to whom in
E.T.
One by one the pairs were chosen. At the end of a
run, the results were not final until Nate Pritchett
came out of the tower and gave a two thumbs up.
His approval was to assure that someone was not
sandbagging based upon their qualifying times.
Finally, the call came for John. For the first round
he was pitted against Jamie Wellman from Pasadena, Maryland, a former Pinks winner. You may
recall that all participating former Pinks contestants
were guaranteed a spot in the sweet sixteen. A
somewhat high profile racer was not what I wanted
to see for round one. John, however remained his
usual calm, nonchalant self. As a team, we were
called to the starting line by Rich to receive the
same instructions as everyone else. As we preceded back to the cars they told us that whoever
came up to the line first would get lane choice!
With a calm determination John strapped in and
headed directly to the left lane. As he was waiting
for his opponent to proceed, I inspected his chosen lane for any “bad areas”. Both completed their
burnouts. John skillfully lined up in the fresh tracks
of rubber from the previous pair. Slowly, they
moved into the stage beams following courtesy
rules. Rich stood between them pointing to each
indicating to get ready. John was already coming
up on boost and Jamie nailed his motor in his S-10
to the transbrake. Both were focused on Rich
when he raised his arms and then dropped to signal the start. John visibly got the first jump and
extended his lead all the way down the track to a
decisive first round victory! The entire crowd
around us went nuts in a unified vocal outburst of
cheers. As a team we were jumping in the air with
high fives all around in elation for our friend.
Then we turned to the tower to see the final approval from Nate. He came running out of the
tower with two thumbs up yelling “it’s good!”. Rich
responded with a “yes!” and met John as he returned down the stretch in front of the stands.
With a brief congratulation he then handed John a
fat $1000.00 roll of banded 20’s. The crowd went
nuts again! John then proceeded back to his spot
in front of the tower to cool off for the next round.
With a big smile and some egging on from us, he
held up his roll for all his drooling teammates to
see. Jamie was gracious in defeat by saying, “
That was a good race. He just had more than I
had. He did good...he pulled on me all the way
down. He did a good job.”.
Things were looking really good as John advanced.
Now it was Ryan’s turn to take a shot at a
$1000.00. He was now pitted against Pat Ebarb
from Bossier City, LA. Pat arrived driving a very
strong black C-5 Corvette convertible with a bottle.
Both launched hard in simultaneous motion. To
our gut wrenching anguish, Ryan’s 109 pushed a
head gasket causing some pretty nasty damage.
Thus, handing the win over to Pat. Ryan’s comment about his loss was fitting saying, “Well, it’s
Pinks All Out.”. After watching a few more pairs, it
was John’s turn to try to advance. Again he was
opposing another race only vehicle. This time it
was a white ‘64 Dodge owned by Tony Smith of
Tyler, TX. Again we approached the starting line
for a brief meeting with Rich. Neither of them (of
course) expressed any desire to race for titles.
The winner of this round would get one step closer
to winning $10K. To make it more interesting, with
Rich’s negotiating, both drivers agreed to throw in
$200.00 each for the winner. Keeping with his
consistency, John again chose the left lane. After
both had completed their burnouts, Tony’s teammates spotted fluid exiting under their car. For
safety reasons they wisely shut him off and Rich
indicated for John to proceed down the track. In
keeping with the all out theme, John spooled up
and made a nice full pass down the track. On his
way back, Rich handed John the $400.00 pot increasing his winnings now to a total of $1200.00!
Again, the crowd went wild for John! They were
really rooting for him by most accounts. The entire
event had been initially advertised as a street legal
event, and; I think that they recognized that he
truly fit that description. John was one of only two
cars left that could actually leave and drive home if
necessary. At one point, a fan pointed to John’s
opponent and shouted, “That’s no street car!”. It
didn’t really matter at this point. We felt that John
still had the better car either way. Now it was time
to decide who was going to race in the final for
$10K. John’s next opponent was a regular to the
Motorplex. Chris from Ennis, Texas was competing with her Main Street Café sponsored ‘62
methanol injected Ford truck. Again, we all went
up to the line feeling that something big was about
to happen. During the negotiations John said with
confidence that he was willing to put up $400.00
for the round. Eventually, both driver’s agreed to
put up $300.00 each to the winner. Both did their
burnouts, went to the line and staged. Rich
pointed for them to get ready. Unfortunately, anxiousness caught up with John. Forgetting to turn
on his transbrake caused him to push the lights
when trying to spool up. Rich reluctantly had no
choice but to award the win to his opponent. Accepting the consequences with graciousness, John
humbly clapped for his opponent as he backed off
the line. As a team we felt both sickness and happiness for our friend. John had been selected from
a multitude of competitors, performed exceedingly
well, didn’t break and was still going home with
some cash and fond memories. Larry Johnson’s
famous quote of the day was, “ Hey we’re gonna’
be on TV!”. In my searching of the internet for
commentary after the show aired Thanksgiving, I
discovered an incredible amount of positive feedback about John. “Class act”, “Did the Buick community proud”, “We were rooting for the GN” were
just some of the comments. By having my own
fond memories in hand, I can only agree. -CB
2006 Show Results
LSPBC '79 & Older
Name
David Newton
George Ray
James Weinman
George Ray
Year & Model
72 GS
70 GSX
72 GS Stage 1
71 GS
YTD Points
140
108
38
30
LSPBC '80 & Newer
Name
Geoff Newton
Morgan Farrington
Victor Segovia
Danny Oviedo
Kolme Ray
Morgan Farrington
Rob Downey
Rob Pinkston
Jack Laswell
Kent Hagler
Bryan & Erica Alberti
John Martin
Jayson Pruitt
Aaron Cain
Victor Segovia
Ron Rupert
Jean Laswell
Wayne Turner
Scott Jorrey
Adi Glatz
Tim Winn
Carl Brimer
Ron Britton
Year & Model
86 Grand National
87 WE4
87 Blue Limited
87 T-Type
87 Grand National
83 Riviera
89 TA
87 Grand National
86 Grand National
87 Grand National
87 T-Type
87 T-Type
84 Riviera T-Type
89 TA
87 White Limited
87 Grand National
87 Grand National
87 Grand National
86 T-Type
87 T-Type
85 T-Type
87 Grand National
87 Grand National
YTD Points
93
71
58
56
47
40
38
35
22
20
19
16
13
13
12
12
11
11
10
10
10
10
10
LSPBC Drag Racing Series
2006 Final Results
Name
Car #
Vehicle Type
Ron Britton
Rick Kinworthy
Geoff Newton
Scott Jorrey
Tim Winn
David Newton
Carl Brimer
Duke McClain
David Lewis
Danny Oviedo
Mike Faulkner
Tony Rossi
Victor Segovia
Dave Whitten
Kolme Ray
Rob Downey
Cody Copeland
Mitch Smith
Steve Tapper
Bob Schuck
George Ray
Larry Johnson
Kyle Faulkner
Patrick Smith
DeAnna Smith
Jack Laswell
Larry Reynolds
Bob Stoval
Ray McClain
B106
B136
B209
B135
B174
B152
B105
B148
B208
B155
B119
B227
B164
B228
B241
B189
B113
B166
B238
B163
B159
B134
B120
B165
B212
B138
B232
B168
B240
1987 Grand National
1987 Grand National
1986 Grand National
1986 T‐Type
1985 T‐Type
1972 Buick GS
1987 Grand National
1983 T‐Type
1987 Grand National
1987 T‐Type
2005 Buick Ranier
1987 Grand National
1987 Limited
1987 T‐Type
1987 455 Firebird
1987 Grand National
1987 T‐Type
1987 T‐Type
LC2 ElCamino
1986 Grand National
1998 Regal GS
1987 Grand National
1969 Firebird
2006 GTO
2006 GTO
1994 Z28
1989 Mustang
1992 Mustang
2001 Z28
YTD Points
175
170
150
145
120
110
110
90
60
50
50
50
40
30
30
20
20
20
20
10
10
10
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
LSPBC Drag Racing Series
Congratulations to this year’s winners!
It was another year full of fun and close competition. Be sure to get those projects completed before the next season starts!
It’s Laughable - Something from Drag Racing Online
The right tool for the right job.
Words and photos by Cliff Gromer
8/8/06
I was paging through the latest Sears Power and Hand Tools Catalog the other day and I noticed that
something was very wrong. It was the tool use descriptions — obviously written by some guy who never
picked up a screwdriver in his life. We here at Drag Racing Online, on the other hand, use all kinds of
tools every day, so we know first-hand what they're supposed to do. We also know that many of you viewers use tools on occasion, and may be familiar with the Sears Catalog. Judge for yourself which tool-use
descriptions are more true to life — theirs or ours.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining
rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your
front door. It works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until you die of old
age. But it also works great for drilling rollbar mounting holes in the floor of a Neon sedan directly above
the rear brake line.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy
into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Used to chew rounded bolt heads down to 1/8" diameter. If nothing else is available, they
can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting those stale garage cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the socket drawer (what wife would think to look in there?) because you can never remember to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter you got from the PX at Fort Campbell.
ZIPPO LIGHTER: See oxyacetylene torch.
Ask for Carl Brimer
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it
smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room,
splattering it against the Rolling Stones poster over the bench
grinder.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them
somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also
removes the fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from
your fingers in about the time it takes you to say: "mother %
(*)?/#@!".
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a Neon to the
ground after you have installed a set of lowering springs, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front air dam.
EIGHT-FOOT-LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a
car upward off a hydraulic jack.
GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool
for spreading mayonnaise, it's used mainly for getting dog
s### off your boot.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps The Sears Tool Catalog may look slick, but these guys
off in bolt holes and is 10 times harder than any known drill bit. obviously don't know one end of a screwdriver from the
other.
TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft dampeners.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an
accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the
inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source
of vitamin D, “the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits
aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm howitzer
shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light,
its name is somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old style paper and tin oil cans and splash
oil on your shirt; it can also be used, as the name implies, to round out Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles
away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench
that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 34 years ago by someone in Hamtramck, Michigan, and
snaps them off.

Vol 18 Iss 3 - The Lone Star Performance Buick Club

Transcription

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