The Original Cyber-Dating Guru`s Guide to Online Dating

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INTRODUCTION
Robin DeLuca, author of THE ORIGINAL CYBER-DATING GURU’S GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING is
the one and only "Original" Online Dating Guru. Since 1998 she has received over 5,000 email
responses to her online personal ads and has helped thousands to find Love and Romance. Learn if
you are "Telephonically Compatible" and How to do a "Drive-By" on your first date as well as many
more invaluable Online Dating Tips.
By sharing her expertise and own experiences throughout the years you will find THE ORIGINAL
CYBER-DATING GURU'S GUIDE TO ONLINE DATING to be an essential tool in your pursuit of
Online Dating and to help you approach it in a fun (and painless) way.
Robin walks you through the entire process of Online Dating to help you avoid some of the pitfalls she
encountered when first starting out.
Online Dating is the proven, successful and chosen way today for people to meet their "Match" or
"Soul Mate" and with Robin's assistance it will be nothing but safe, pleasurable and successful!
There are many other helpful dating "extras" you will find in this book including a humorous and
extensive list of advanced emoticons and acronyms as well as a handy chart to help you decipher
through both Men and Women's Online Personal Ads.
Read from scores of emails received from men of all walks of life and across the globe throughout the
years, many of them very amusing and often times hilarious!
Besides being the Original Online Dating Guru, Robin is the creator and owner of several online
dating sites including 12StepMatch.com and LoveinRecovery.com.
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The Original Cyber-Dating Guru's Guide to Online Dating is the sequel to The Cyber-Dating
Guru's Guide to Online Dating, published in 2003.
THE ORIGINAL CYBER-DATING GURU’S GUIDE TO ONLINE-DATING
Copyright 2013
THE CYBER-DATING GURU’S GUIDE TO ONLINE-DATING
Copyright 2003
Legal Statement
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or any portions thereof in any form
whatsoever. The publisher or author disclaims any personal loss or liability caused by utilization of
any information presented herein.
Printed in the United States of America
Special Thanks to:
My family and friends for the support and encouragement you have always given me throughout the
years.
And a very special thanks to “The Men”, for whom without there would be no book.
*NOTE: As this book is written based on my experiences and from a woman’s point of view, it may
seem that the book is written solely for women and that is false. This book is written for both men
and women. In fact the ratio of men to women online dating is 60/40 (the majority being men) and I
have yet to come across a man who is dating (online or otherwise) who could not use a tip or two,
especially from a woman.
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THE ORIGINAL CYBER-DATING GURU'S GUIDE TO
ONLINE-DATING
INTRODUCTION
Copyright, Legal Statement, Special Thanks
TABLE OF CONTENTS:
Chapter 1 Why Online Dating?
Chapter 2 How to find an Online Dating Website
Chapter 3 How to write a creative and eye-catching Personal Ad
Chapter 4 Adding photos to your Personal Ad
Chapter 5 Searching and responding to other Ads
Chapter 6 Receiving responses to your Personal Ad
Chapter 7 Relationship Challenged types and other situations to be wary of
Chapter 8 Decoding Personal Ads for Women
Chapter 9 Decoding Personal Ads for Men
Chapter 10 Get to the “Drive-By” (A.S.A.P.)
Chapter 11 Cyber-Dating “Lingo”
Chapter 12 Acronyms
Chapter 13 More Acronyms
Chapter 14 Are you “Telephonically Compatible”?
Chapter 15 The First Encounter otherwise known as “The Drive-By”
Chapter 16 Follow-up to the “Drive-By”. – “Let’s do dinner and a movie” or
(hopefully not) writing the “Dear John” email)
Chapter 17 “These are the Days of our Lives” – (Are we on the same page or
Different Chapters?)
Chapter 18 Meet the Parents or “Next!”
Chapter 19 Meet “The Men”
Chapter 20 Emails received from The Men
Chapter 21 The Cyber-Dating Guru’s Original Online Personal Ad
Contact The Cyber-Dating Guru
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1. WHY ONLINE-DATING
A great deal of people today have met their significant others through online dating. It is the now the
most common way to date and/or meet a romantic partner other than the alternative to getting
introductions through your friends (or your Mother). One statistic indicates that there are
approximately 54 million singles in the U.S. and 40 million of them have tried online dating (per
statisticbrain.com/online-dating-statistics).
It’s a safe and exciting way to meet others (if you follow my instructions), whether it be for casual
dating, or romance hoping to lead to marriage.
It enables you to gather a lot of information about a person up-front, before you meet them as far as:
-Age
-Location
-Physical attributes
-Personality (or lack thereof)
-Religious and political beliefs
-If you have mutual hobbies or interests
-Ambition (or lack thereof)
-Relationship goals (dating, relationship, marriage and children or just for sexual pleasure)
-Other goals (whether it be to meet your soul-mate, skip the kids and travel the world together)
-You also have the opportunity to see if any “red flags” arise throughout your communications before
you meet (via email or on the phone), that may indicate this person has some serious character
defects and it might be best to jump ship before you get in any deeper.
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2. HOW TO FIND AN ONLINE-DATING WEBSITE
There are many dating websites to choose from. So, how do you go about finding the one that is right
for you? Process of elimination is a good way to start. What are your specific preferences in terms of
age, religion, interests, ethnic & sexual preferences, etc? Based on your specific preferences and
dating criteria, you can narrow your selection to one or two online-dating sites, to start with.
Here are some of the more popular dating sites:
GENERIC
Match.com
Zoosk.com
EHarmony.com
Chemistry.com
Date.com
Cupid.com
PlentyofFish.com (which is a 100% free online dating site)
DateHookUp.com (also 100% free)
RELIGIOUS
JDate.com – for those of the Jewish persuasion
CatholicMatch.com
CatholicSingles.com
ChristianMingle.com
Muslima.com
If you google your religious preference along with the word “Dating” many sites will appear. However
most of the standard sites such as Match.com offer options where you can insert your religious
preference (or other preferences) and do a search strictly by that, if you will.
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ETHNOCENTRIC COMMUNITIES
LatinAmericanCupid.com
BlackMatch.com
AsianDating.com
PersianSoulmate.com
…..you get the idea. And again, Match.com, EHarmoney.com, Chemistry.com and the other generic
sites offer you the option to also search by your ethnic preferences.
AGE RELATED COMMUNITIES
As people within the dating ages of 18+ have the option of searching for people within their preferred
age range at all the standard dating sites, there are people within the 50+ age group where they feel
more comfortable registering at a site that is solely devoted to the over 50 crowd. Here are a few of
those sites:
OurTime.com
SeniorPeopleMeet.com
SeniorFriendFinder.com
MatureLoveSearch.com
LIFESTYLE & NICHE’ DATING SITES
Swingers & Couples
AshleyMadison.com/match
Gay Lifestyles
GayMatch.com
Lesbian Lifestyles
PinkCupid.Com
Nudist & Naturist Lifestyles
NatureistPassion.com
People in 12 Step Programs of Recovery
12StepMatch.com
LoveinRecovery.com
SoberGayDating.com
I am the creator and owner of the above three sites as well as the below mentioned HepCMatch.com
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Bikers
BikersMatch.com - for those with Motorcycles and looking for others to ride alongside them or with
them
Single Parents Site
SingleParentMeet.com
Spiritual Singles
Conscioussingles.com
Sites based on body types
OverWeightDate.com
BBWCupid.com
Active Singles
Fitness-Singles.com
Active.com/Singles – for active and athletic singles into:
- Running
- Body Building
- Yoga
- Cycling
- Kayaking/Canoeing
- White-water rafting trips
- And so on…
Disabled Singles
Dating4Disabled.com
MeetDisabledSingles.com
People living with sexually transmitted or other diseases
HepCMatch.com (not considered sexually transmitted but many are unaware)
HSVSingles.com
PositiveSingles.com
And then there are “niche within niche” websites such as:
SoberGayDating.com
OTHER USEFUL ONLINE-DATING LINKS & SITES:
CyberDatingGuru.com/blog
PatriciaRaskin.com – Positive Dating; changing attitude with a positive buzz. WPRO AM630/99.7FM
and streamed live on 630wpro.com
DrDate.com
ONLINE DATING “EVENT CALENDARS”
Many dating websites now offer monthly “event calendars” whereby they will plan and schedule
various monthly single’s events at different locations. They will send e-mail notices and reminders of
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such upcoming events to all their members. Some of these events are free while others offer
members discounted rates to attend these events. At times, non-members are welcome however
they are usually asked to pay the full price for admission.
Here are a few examples of some of the single’s events that various websites will offer.
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Social Gatherings at various clubs or hotels
Beach Parties
Midnight Cruises to nowhere
Mini (3-4 day) or longer Singles Cruises
Speed Dating
And a variety of others
OR, they will join up with a getaway resort such as Club Med or the likes. JDate.com has been
known to do this regularly and in fact, I went to one (at Club Med) with my single (Jewish) Mother.
And btw, her idea!
NOTE: Before you commit to an online dating website, check to see if the singles site you are
considering organizes and offers such events. The more successful and popular sites (i.e.
Match.com) do offer this added service to their members.
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3. HOW TO WRITE A CREATIVE AND EYE-CATCHING AD
Here are some tips for creating an online dating profile that will help yours to stand a cut above and
apart from the others.
Following is one of my favorite quotes, written by Marianne Williamson. It is called:
Our Deepest Fear
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond
measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within
us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence
automatically liberates others.”
I can’t begin to tell you how much I love this quote. Think about this when creating your profile. Let
yourself “shine”.
Humility is a wonderful character trait however, this is the personal “ads” and the personal ads are all
about advertising and promoting one’s self! This is not the time to be modest and unassuming
(although don’t go too overboard where you may come across self-absorbed or narcissistic). Try to
portray a vivid image of who you are and what you’re all about, in the most alluring way possible!
When writing your personal ad, give careful consideration to what are your most appealing physical
and personal character traits! Make sure the ad is descriptive, portraying yourself as a happy,
content, secure and loving, fun and positive individual! What you put out there is what you’re going to
get back.
Everyone has something wonderful and appealing both inside and out. Think about it. What is it that
others often compliment you about? What do people notice is most special and unique about you?
Follow these guidelines when writing your narratives for your personal ad(s):
Describe yourself and be as detailed as possible.
Usually the profiles have information fields you would first complete before moving on to the more
detailed paragraphs describing who you are and what you are looking for in a prospective date or
mate.
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These are fields you would normally check off such as:
- Age
- Height
- Weight or Body Type, which can be…
o Slim/Trim
o Average
o Athletic
o Curvaceous
o Big and Beautiful
o Overweight
- Color Hair
- Color of Eyes
- Location
- What sports and activities do you enjoy? What do you like to do for fun? Do you enjoy…
o Cooking
o Fine dining
o Entertaining
o Dancing
o Travel
o Flea Markets
o Museums
o Fishing
o Boating
o Cycling
o Hiking
o Kayaking (and other outdoor actives)
o Working out
o Computers
o Movies
o TV
o And so forth.
- What type of person are you looking for regarding the type of relationship you are seeking?
o Single
o Dating
o Serious/Long Term relationship
o Someone with or without Children
o Someone who wants Children
o Married
o Divorced
o Separated
o Friends
o Activity Partner
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-
What type of foods do you like to eat?
Do you drink?
Do you smoke?
How many languages are you fluent in?
What is your education background?
What is your occupation?
What is your Income?
The list goes on and there could be more or less of these types of questions to check off or answer.
And, it can be tedious however remember, the more thorough the information they ask of you, they
are gathering the same information from all members of the site so you will have a better idea right
up-front if you are compatible.
Once you go through the list of fields as mentioned above, there will usually be a few areas where
you will be asked to be more specific about who you are and what you are seeking in a partner.
There are usually separate fields where they would like you to answer (in so many words –
depending on the website):
GENERAL
Begin by describing who you are, your personality and how you spend your time. You may want to
write about your interests or hobbies, your work, family or friends, your travels and where you are
from?
APPEARANCE
Be more specific on your height, hair style and body size? What do you think your best features are?
What is your clothing style - conservative, modern or casual?
LOOKING FOR
What you are seeking from a relationship? What is important to you? What about values or morals?
What type of personality and appearance do you prefer? What interests, hobbies, or travels do you
want to share with them? Where do you prefer they live (in how close a proximity)?
Play up your fine points and perhaps be a little flirty, but not so much as to give others the wrong idea
(unless you want them to get the wrong idea). Often these profile fields will let you go on and on with
almost no limitations to the amount of characters you include in the profile. Remember, not everyone
is going to want to have to decipher through TMI (too much information) which I, in all honesty, have
been guilty of writing some pretty lengthy profiles with the thoughts that the more specific I am, the
more I will attract men that I have the most in common with. I am not one of those people who
believe that “opposites attract”. My belief is to the contrary and I prefer to date men who have similar
personality traits and interests to myself. Basically, I love to laugh and not take myself or life too
seriously. In fact, the last sentence of my personal ad usually reads, “I love to laugh and promise to
keep you laughing as well”.
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Here is one profile from a man I came across that is brief and to the point.
“Hello and thank you for looking at my profile. I am very outgoing, fun to be with and will keep you
laughing. I’m honest, energetic and very passionate. I'm looking for a woman that is almost the
same. If you’d like to know more, email me. I do have a picture but I would like to chat first.”
Now I like everything about that statement except for the fact that he does not include a photo with his
profile. It’s imperative I see a few (not just one) photos before continuing any communication or
responding to an email sent me. With today’s technology, there is no reason why someone cannot
provide you with digital photos. That is how most photos are taken. And, the more photos the better.
I usually request several. Besides a few head shots (and at least one with an open-faced smile - just
to make sure there are teeth behind that smile), at least one full body shot. And for me, I would like a
bit more information up-front. But that’s a good start and for some, all they need to know to move to
the next steps…the return email, a bit more emailing back and forth (not too much) and then, the
phone-call to see if you are “Telephonically Compatible”, followed by the “Drive By”. More to come
later on these subjects…
AND THEN THERE’S THE “CATCHY HEADLINE”
When I first started online dating (back in 1998 when everyone told me I was crazy and going to get
killed and, Match.com was not Match.com and was called [email protected] and all free) my headline
first read:
“Vivacious and Sexy Mother of One in search of a Man knows how to have Fun!”
And as you can imagine, I got a HUGE response and probably many (but not all) who read it
assumed that “fun” had to do with the bedroom, especially because I started the headline with
“Vivacious and Sexy”. But not all who read that assumed it was a sexual reference because I did get
some great emails from some really sincere, quality and very funny men. But eventually I chose to
revise that Profile Headline which I continued to do throughout my years of online dating.
Eventually I took off “Sexy” and ended up with “Vivacious and Attractive Mother of One ISO a Man
who knows how to have fun”.
At one point my headline read, “Must Luv Dogs & Motorcycles!” I am a dog lover and in fact,
have three of my own and, I used to ride my own “bike” and prefer to date men who ride as well.
So make sure your Headline is catchy and creative and try to sum yourself up in the best way you
can, in about five words, more or less. Just enough to draw others in for more.
Are your ad responses starting to dwindle? Here’s a tip for getting your Personal Ad back to
the top of the list (for more visibility).
If you find your responses are starting to dwindle and you’re getting only a fraction of the responses
you received when you first posted your profile, here is a great tip to increase your visibility and up
your responses.
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About once a week, go into the dating site where your Ad is posted, pull up your profile and “edit” it!
Either add or change your photos or edit your profile – even if it’s just to change a word or two. Often
times (not always), when you edit and resubmit a profile some dating sites will recognize it as a new
profile posted. This will bring your profile back up to the top of the competition and will keep you more
visible.
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4. ADDING PHOTOS TO YOUR PERSONAL AD
In order to improve the quality of your online-dating and to get more responses, not only should you
request pictures from others, you should post an assortment of photos of yourself as well. There are
several ways to go about this:
1. Have a friend take your photos with a digital camera or use a tripod and take them yourself. Or,
as many do these days, just take some creative “Selfies” with your cell-phone.
True story…many years back (before I had an iphone) one afternoon while I was engaged in
shooting some self-portraits my teenaged-son walked in on me. When I asked him to help me out
and take a few pics for me, he replied, “Oh no! I don’t want to come between that love affair you’re
having with your camera!” (Pretty funny stuff!)
2. If you’re doing the photo-studio type set-up, make sure you have a few changes of clothes readily
available for your photo session. Take the pictures in different settings, with different backgrounds
and poses.
You should also try to include photos of yourself in various locations such as while on vacation or
traveling. The more photos you have to add to your profile, the better. Make sure to have at least
one full-length body shot as well.
3. I highly suggest not to include a photo of yourself with your arms wrapped around your last
boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife! That is what editing and Photo-Shop is for. Although
editing usually works just fine. Just “crop” that person right out of your life.
4. Try to attach as many photos as possible to your profile.
5. Make sure that the majority of your photos posted are recent! At least several from within the past
year (or two, if necessary). Some people like to include a photo from their High-School Yearbook.
(Don’t ask. I can’t explain that one.)
Speaking of making sure the photos you post are recent, here is a very funny and true story.
One man I met many years back told me he became involved in a long-term chatting and e-mailing
situation with a woman. She sent him a few pics and she seemed very attractive (long blond hair,
pretty eyes, nice smile). They finally decided to meet for dinner one night and the woman who
showed up looked similar to her pics but something was way off. Through the course of the dinner
the truth finally came out. The woman had no digital photos of herself, so she sent the man photos of
her daughter (18 years younger!), because people often told her “she looked like her daughter”!
The man then explained to me that this woman did, in fact, look like her daughter, only 20 years
older! So “buyer beware”, these types of things do happen (not quite to this extent) but to the extent
that people do lie about their age which is why I always suggest you get to see at least 3-4 of their
photos. And I suggest you should see at least one with their mouth open (to make sure they haven’t
been skipping their dentist appointments) and as mentioned before, there should be at least one full
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body shot (for obvious reasons). I understand that for some, the physical features of others are not
as important as “what’s inside” but I still think you should have a fairly good idea of what the person
you are planning to meet looks like.
Also regarding photos, the other reason I suggest you request to see as many as possible is that
nobody ever looks exactly like that one photo they attach to their profile. I know I can have 3 or 4
photos taken of myself and depending on the angle, I can look different in every one. Also, a change
of hairstyle can alter my appearance significantly. After seeing just one photo of another individual
we tend to create this perfect image of what we think this person looks like and since this image we
create is in our mind, nobody can live up to that. Sometimes, in fact, they are better looking – I have
had this happen to me several times and what a pleasant surprise!
*JPG (A.K.A. “JPEG”) file format is the best format for downloading photos to your personal ads.
“GIF” is also acceptable. These files are not as large as “BMP” or other formats and they take much
less time to download. If your photos are in another format, you may be able to change them to JPG
on your computer in a photo editing program. However, chances are most likely you will not have to
deal with any of this as most digital cameras produce photos in the JPG format.
*If after several tries you are having difficulty uploading your photos to your profile, most sites will
provide you step-by-step instructions at their FAQ’s. In rare cases, depending on the website, if you
email your photos to the Admin of the site they will upload your photos to your profile for you. But
really, this is an easy process and you can always resort to asking a friend or family member to help
you out.
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5. SEARCHING & RESPONDING TO OTHERS’ PERSONAL ADS
SEARCHING ONLINE DATING WEBSITES
Dating websites offer “search vehicles” for trying to locate your perfect mate. Some sites offer just a
“Quick” or “Detailed” search but most dating sites, especially the larger ones such as
http://www.match.com offer expanded search options. Following are some of your search vehicle
options:
DETAILED SEARCH - Get specific about the type of singles you want to meet.
KEYWORD SEARCH - Find members with specific words in their headlines and profile narratives.
You should enter whatever it is you’d like the person to have in common with you, i.e. “beach”,
“boating”, “travel”, “museums”, photography, “art”, “crosswords puzzles”, “ping pong”, “bowling” (yeah,
some people still bowl), whatever floats your boat! (I use words like “athletic”, “fit”, “sexy”, “attractive”
and “Harley”, “boating” “jet-skiing”, “flying”, etc.) I love using the Keyword search! *Make sure you
only put in one or two words per search, at a time. If you enter “flying”, “boats” and “Harleys” all at one
– there’s a slim-to-none chance you’re going to find someone who does all of the above and if you do,
give him my e-mail address immediately!)
PERSONALITY SEARCH - Find members based on their answers to the personality questions in
their profile
-OR- YOU CAN JUST DO A:
“QUICK SEARCH” (By filling in the blanks):
- “I am a (Female/ Male) _________
- seeking a (Male / Female) ________
- between (ages) ____ & ____
- Show me profiles within ____ miles of my zip/postal code
Then you can check off: "show profiles with photos only" (which I highly recommend!)
*RESPONDING TO ADS
(*Refer to Chapter III – How to write a creative and eye-catching ad.)
Much of what holds true in writing your ad, should also be applied when responding to other’s ads –
be specific and descriptive. You don’t have to go into too much detail regarding your basic “stats” as
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that is provided along with your profile. Your introductory e-mail response should not read like and
“ad”, however include interesting facts and features about yourself that may not be included along
with your profile.
Try to follow these guidelines when writing your introductory e-mails.
1. For each ad you respond to, make sure you send a personalized response. In other words, do not
send out one “mass” e-mail to 12 different men or women and then list all their email addresses
together in the “Sent to” box! (Yes, back in the day, I did receive two or three emails from
prospective “suitors” who made that very critical mistake! I certainly did not feel very special when
I opened their e-mail, to find that I was one of many who received this very same e-mail).
In your introductory e-mail, be sure to touch on certain mutual points of interest mentioned in their
ad. Write statements such as, “We seem to have so much in common – I too am certified in
scuba, I cross country-ski and rock climb.” Or, “I notice you have a 17 year old daughter; I can
certainly relate to raising a teenager -- my 18 year old is about to head off to college!”
3. If you get to the point of emailing each other to personal email addresses, it’s a good idea to attach
a photo, even if your online ad has a few pictures posted! (You want to keep this fun and not make
others have to put too much “work” into researching what you look like, or what you’re all about!)
4. I think it best to hold off on providing information to your Facebook page or other Social Media
sites. For one, normally you would have to give your legal given name and that is just TMI to give,
right out the gate. Hold off on that until you are comfortable in doing so. Some people post a lot
of private information and photos of themselves on their FB and other social media pages. Think
about how much information you want random people you’re communicating with from dating
sites, who are not already your “friends”, knowing about you.
NOTE:
If you find that you are “cruising” the Online Personal Sites on a regular basis (yes, this can become
addicting) and find yourself responding to many personal ads, consider the following:
Type up a “generic” introductory e-mail, including all your vital “stats” and save it as a “Word”
document or type it in an email and send it to yourself, saving it in a file for “copying and pasting” later
on.
A generic introductory e-mail from a women could read something like this:
“Hi! I’m Jane! I’m a single mom of a great 17 year old son. We live in Long Beach, The City by the
Sea and I am a huge outdoor enthusiast! I love boating, jet-skiing, and anything on or about the
water. I also enjoy skiing in the winter!
I’m very outgoing and spontaneous (love last minute weekend getaways), and no matter where I am
or who I’m with, I always manage to have fun! I’m very chameleon-like, by nature – you can dress
me up (or down) and bring me anywhere! I am 5’5”, 132 lbs, fit and trim and work out daily.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
Jane”
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Here’s a “generic” introductory e-mail that a man could formulate:
*Hi! I’m Jack from the North Shore of Long Island. I was intrigued by your ad and would like to tell you
a little about myself.
I am 44 years old, very athletic (former College Athlete) and I love my work. My life has been
extremely rewarding; I have two wonderful sons (ages, 22 & 26). I am financially secure, honest to a
fault, unpretentious and a person who doesn’t believe in head games. I have a real zest for living! I’ve
been told I’m a great listener and conversationalist. I’m fun loving with a great sense of humor,
sophisticated, compassionate, patient and easy going. I am emotionally (and physically) available and
do sometimes believe in P.D.A. I am always up to trying new and different things, whether it be food,
travel or activities.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Jack
*The above was an actual response I received to one of my “ads”. The name and place of residence
was changed for the sake of anonymity!
Now that you have this introductory e-mail typed and saved in your files, you can pull it up and copy
and paste it into an email to anybody’s personal ad you are responding to. This will prove to be very
convenient and timesaving; you won’t find yourself redundantly typing your information and “stats”,
over and over again.
Once you’ve copied and pasted the generic e-mail, be certain to personalize and embellish on it
before sending it out, so it does NOT come across as a “generic” e-mail! Be sure to include in each
individual e-mail specific and mutual points of interest you feel the two of you have in common!
And…don’t forget to address the person by the name they have posted in their personal ad (if there is
one)!
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6. RECEIVING RESPONSES TO YOUR ONLINE PERSONAL AD
When starting to receive e-mail responses from prospective dates (or mates), there are certain
prerequisites you should follow in order to assure that your online-dating experience is really
enjoyable and that the people you meet are quality. (Remember, quality wins out over quantity, every
time!)
Follow these recommendations and you are sure to avoid lots of unpleasant and uncomfortable “firstencounters” and “drive-bys!”
NOTE: Don’t judge “typo’s” for stupidity or lack of intellect! Some people just can’t type for “jack!”
Although, that is hardly the case today however, if that is the case, get to the exchanging of phone
numbers A.S.A.P!
GET A PHOTO!
First and foremost, if they haven’t already supplied you with a photo or have some posted with their
profile make sure you request to see (or have them provide) at the very least, one! (And I have written
in the past, “It’s only fair as you’ve seen mine.”) If for whatever reason, they don’t want their photos
posted with their profile (which is usually a red flag that there might be a “Cheater” here) then if you
feel comfortable giving your personal email address, tell them to email them to you. But if they are on
the up-and-up, I see no reason why they can’t post their photos with their profile. With the majority of
singles dating online, there’s certainly no reason to be embarrassed about it!
The more photos you have or can view of the person, the better. It’s very difficult to get a good idea of
what a person really looks like just from one or two photos. In reality, no-one ever looks or comes
across as you imagined or pictured them to be! And I mean, NO-ONE! How could they? You
have this vision in your mind – a perfect image of what you’d like this person to look and be like.
Who could ever live up to such an expectation? -- Something you have created in your mind. It’s
always best to go in with ZERO EXPECTATIONS, this way you don’t set yourself up for
disappointments!)
Sometimes…(and oh how great this is) the people you meet are actually better than you've
imagined they would be. But they are never exactly what you expected or projected them to
be, especially based on having seen only one photo!
*Very important…if someone refuses to send a photo and says, “Don’t worry, you won’t be
disappointed!” WORRY! And then...worry some more. (and then…head for the hills!)
VITAL “STATS!” Get vital “stats” (a.k.a. “statistics”) right up front, i.e. age, height, weight, location,
marital status, kids, what do you like to do for fun, etc.
Sometimes I’ll joke around and say, “Just send me your resume!” Then I’ll make sure to follow it with
a “just kidding” or “teasing” remark (but wouldn’t that be great!).
19
GEOGRAPHICALLY DESIRABLE OR UNDESIRABLE
Is the person G.U. (a.k.a. “geographically undesirable?”)
My feeling here is, if I ever do meet someone I feel wild and passionate for, I’d like them to be easily
and readily accessible. I’m not interested in traveling more than 20 miles. But that’s me! Before
pursuing a long-distance relationship, keep in mind the following scenarios…
First of all, when you plan to meet someone from out-of-state, how are you possible going to follow
my 30 minute “Drive-By” suggestion?
Now, imaging this scenario…The person you’ve been corresponding with online flies in to meet you;
they’ve booked a hotel room close to your home and you’re planning on spending the entire weekend
together. You’re at the waiting gate to greet them. As soon as the two of you come face-to-face,
you’re immediate thought is… “So where was that last “Exit” sign? You know instantaneously that
there is less-than-zero chemistry here! You know and can just feel that this is not right or the right
one for you.
So, NOW what are you going to do? What are your options? Just face it! There is no way out!
(Even I can’t come up with a back-door exit plan for this one!) Now, how much are you looking
forward to spending the weekend together? As much as I hate to admit it, I did find myself in this
exact scenario once, very early in my online dating “career”. I’m not going to go into details but
suffice it to say I just had to bite the bullet and work through the weekend to the best of my ability.
Thank God I didn’t invite the man to stay with me. Which is a definite no-no! But this is why I’ve
written this book. So that you don’t have to go through the same uncomfortable situations that I found
myself in throughout my years of online dating.
Another negative I’ve found with long-distance relationships is you can’t just date and get to know
one-another, like “normal” dating people (if ever there was such a thing). The two of you are thrown
together for weekends at a time and my feeling here is too much, too soon! You’re bound for “crash
and burn” but hey, until that happens, it could be hell of a ride!
Lastly, if you do strike fireworks together, are either of you willing to relocate? This is a BIGGIE!
THINK ABOUT IT!!
20
7. “RELATIONSHIP-CHALLENGED” TYPES & OTHER SITUATIONS TO BE WARY
OF!
If you are seeking a serious, long-term relationship, be wary of these types. These are the type of
people who come on fast and furious in the beginning and the survey says, it just ain’t gonna work!
Once again, bound for “crash and burn!” These types of people are famous for pulling you in, while
pushing you away (sometimes over and over again). These personality types just love “the chase.” As
soon as it seems the two of you are getting real cozy-like together and moving forward, the next thing
you know they’re pulling away and you’re being given the ole’ heave-ho! Trust me on this one, I know
these types well! And as much as I hate to admit this, I myself was one of “these people”. Which is a
good reason I remained single for such a long time. And then, I turned around and chased men with
that exact same character flaw. And believe me, there are lots who have it, both men and women.
You might be one of them yourself and hopefully you can work through it and stay away from men
who are the same. It’s a lose-lose.
MARRIED AND CHEATING?
Is there a possibility the person is already married and cheating on their spouse? Unfortunately, this
happens often when pursuing dating on the Internet, as it has been happening for years prior to
online dating! The only difference now is it’s easier to do so. People don’t have to go to bars to cheat
and pick up others where they can more easily be seen and caught.
When it comes time to finding out if you’re “Telephonically Compatible”, is the person hesitant to give
you a telephone number? If so, that’s a giant red flag and all the more reason to speak first before
meeting.
I recommend never meeting anyone until you have spoken on the phone with them, at least once! As
far as figuring out from there if they are a lying dog (male or female), that’s just something you’re
going to have to feel out along the way and the best bet is to always follow your gut instinct. Or, hire
a P.I.
PEOPLE MISREPRESENTING THEMSELVES
I’ve heard it told from other men that woman who are short and borderline “obese” will refer to
themselves as “Petite”, just for the simple fact that they are 5’3” or under! Unfortunately people will
misrepresent themselves in many ways to get a date or a free dinner.
If you follow my suggestions throughout this book, you should avoid ending up in extremely
uncomfortable and “painful” situations.
21
8. DECODING PERSONAL ADS
(Strictly for Humor Purposes Only)
Women’s Ads
Terminology
Translation
40’ish
49
Adventurer
Has had more partners than you ever
will
Affectionate
Possessive
Artist
Flakey
Athletic
Flat Chested
Average Looking
Ugly
Beautiful
Pathological Liar
Contagious Smile
Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated
College Dropout
Emotionally Secure
Medicated
Feminist
Ugly Ball Buster
Free Spirit
Substance User
Friendship first
Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun
Annoying and talks a lot
Gentle
Comatose
Good Listener
Borderline Autistic
Humurous
Caustic
Intuitive
Your opinion doesn’t count
Looks Younger
If viewed from afar, in bad lighting
Loves to Travel
If your paying
New-Age
All Body Hair, all the time; lots of
piercings and tattoos
Non-traditional
Her Ex-husband lives in the basement
22
Open-minded
Desperate
Outgoing
Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate
Sloppy drunk & excessive PDA
Poet
Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional
Aggressive & Overbearing
Redhead
Bad dye-job
Rubenesque
Grossly Fat
Romantic
Looks better by candle light
Self-employed
Jobless
Social
Has been passed around like a tray of
horsd’oeuvres
Soft in all the right places
Major candidate for Liposuction
Spiritual
In a Cult – needs some
serious reprogramming
Stable
Monotonous & Boring
Tall & Thin
Anorexic
Tan
Badly Wrinkled
Wants Soulmate
Stalker
Widow
Drove first husband to shoot himself
Writer
Egostical
Young at Heart
Old Crone with toothless smile
23
9. DECODING PERSONAL ADS
(Strictly for Humor Purposes Only)
Men’s Ads
Terminology
Translation
40’ish
52 in search of 20 y.o.
Athletic
Couch Potato who watches lots of
ESPN & Nascar
Fat, gray and balding
Distinguished Looking
Educated
Employed
Will patronize you to death and always
treat you like an idiot.
Next in line for manager at Taco Bell
Free Spirit
Will (happily) sleep with your sister
Friendship First
Fun
As long as Friendship involves Sex &
Nudity
Good with a remote and a six-pack
Good Looking
Arrogant
Very Good Looking
Dumb as a board
Honest
Pathological Liar
Huggable
Likes to Cuddle
Overweight; more body hair than a
Buffalo
Insecure, overly dependent Mama’s boy
Mature
Older than your father
Physically fit
Does a lot of 12 ounce curls
Poet
Writes on bathroom stalls
Professional
Sensitive
Has been promoted to Manager at Taco
Bell
Always on time…give or take a few
hours
Cries at Chick Flicks
(Very) Sensitive
Gay
Smart
Thinks “The Man Show” is a
documentary
Reliable
24
Spiritual
Once went to Church on Easter Sunday
Stable
Occasional Stalker but never convicted
Thoughtful
Says “Excuse me” when he farts
Young at Heart
Pedophile
25
10. GET TO THE DRIVE-BY (A.S.A.P.)
Once you post your ad on a dating website and you start to get responses, I suggest exchanging
emails and correspondence anywhere from a few days (or less) to a week, and then move on to
exchanging telephone numbers to see if you are “Telephonically Compatible”. Do not spend days
and weeks communicating online with somebody it may end up that you have no chemistry with once
you meet face-to-face and then look at all that time and effort you put in prior to that. And the longer
you communicate before meeting, the more of a let-down it will end up being if there is no chemistry
when you meet.
A C.D.G. “COMMANDMENT:
Thou shall NOT spend endless hours emailing before meeting. Try to get to that phone-call as
soon as possible to see if there's any interest to pursue each other further (to the “Drive By”). Are you
looking for a "pen-pal" or a date? And hopefully something that evolves into a “love connection”. You
can process a whole lot of information, much quicker on the phone, than typing each other back and
forth (especially if the other is a lousy typist!)
26
11. CYBER-DATING “LINGO”
In order to date online, it is necessary to know the appropriate and customary online-dating “lingo”.
Chatting, emailing and posting on Social Media on the Internet allows people to be expressive and
open with their feelings, more easily than if they were face-to-face or in a telephone conversation
where they are uncomfortable doing so. That’s why the “Dear John” letter was invented. Because it’s
easier (let’s say a “quick way out”) to write to someone rather than face them in an uncomfortable
situation and possibly to resort to the “It’s not you, it’s me” line. Although I don’t believe this is the
right way to go about this with someone you have been in a long-term relationship with, when it
comes to online dating, it’s perfectly acceptable.
However often, whether it be chatting, posting on social media, emailing OR texting, when trying to
convey a thought a miscommunication can occur since there is no expression or tone of voice or
body language and people may read your message the wrong way and sometimes take offense. So
try be aware and careful about that.
USING EMOTICONS
An EMOTICON is a figure created with the keyboard symbols. They help to express and
communicate the spirit in which a line of text is typed. (HINT: Read with your head tilted to the left.)
Angry
Astonished or Wow!
>:-(
:0
Pizza
<)<)<)
Put your money
:- $
where your mouth is
Razzling Smiley
:-)~
(_|_)
Bandade (to
symbolize offering
help or comfort)
Baseball Fan
Big Chested
Woman or Man
Bull Headed
Bummed Out
Burp – excuse me
(::[ ]::)
Backside, Butt,
Rear-end or Ass
Rose
:(
*<|:-)
Bushy Mustache
Cat
Champagne
Coffee
Cold Beer
Devilish Wink
:-#|
=^.^=
[Y] [Y]
(_)D
[_]D
Sad
Santa Face (Ho, ho,
ho!)
Scared Screaming
Screaming Face
Shocked or
Surprised
Singing
Smile
Smiley Punk Rocker
Smoker
Smoking a Pipe
Sporting a
Mustache
d:-)
:-)-{8
}:-(
:-c
:-}
";->"
27
@>-`-,--
=:-( )
:-@
:-o
:-o
:)
=:-)
:-Q
:-?
:-{
Delicious
:-9
Sticking tongue at
you
Talks too much
Tends to drool
Thumbs up
:-p)
Dunce
Drunk
Grin
<:I
:*)
<g>
Hey, hey
High five
:->
^5
Tongue Tied
Turban
:-&
@:I
Horny little Devil
I swear
Just ate a sour
pickle
Mustache
My lips are sealed
Needs a nose job
What you see is
what they are
No expression (that
comment doesn’t
phase me)
}:->
:-@
:-*
Wearing a bowtie
Uh Oh
Undecided
:-)8
:-O
:-\
:-{
:-#
:~)
Unsmiley frowning
User wears glasses
Wearing toupee
Wearing toupee in
wind
Winking Smiley
(:-(
8-)
{(:-)
}(:-(
(o)(o)
:-|
28
:-D
:-)'
^
;)
12. ACROYNYMS
The purpose of Acronyms are to help you type faster. They come in very handy when chatting online,
(especially for slow or poor typists). They are also useful in describing oneself when placing an
online dating profile, i.e. SWFJ = Single, White, Jewish Female. BBBW = Big, Beautiful, Black
Woman.
Many of these are used very often, i.e. lol (laughing out loud), lolol (laughing out loud, laughing out
loud), lmao (laughing my ass of), lyl (love you lots) and ttyl (talk to you later). An old favorite of mine
was ttfn (ta-ta-for-now). And a frequent dating acronym used is LTR = Long Term Relationship.
Many of these are just for fun but then there are many others that are frequently used.
AAMOF
AFAIC
AFAIK
AFK
ASAP
BBL
BBN
BBS
BEG
BF
BI
BITM
BOT
BRB
BTW
BWL
C4N
CRS
CU
CUL(8R)
CWOT
CYA
D/B
DBM –or- DBF
DITYID
DWM –or- DWF
DIY
E/A
EOD
E/U
AS A MATTER OF FACT
AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED
AS FAR AS I KNOW
AWAY FROM KEYBOARD
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
BE BACK LATER
BYE, BYE NOW
BE BACK SOON
BIG EVIL GRIN
BOYFRIEND
BI-SEXUAL
BUT IN THE MEANTIME
BACK ON TOPIC
BE RIGHT BACK
BY THE WAY
BURSTING WITH LAUGHTER
CIAO FOR NOW
CAN’T REMEMBER STUFF
SEE YOU
SEE YOU LATER
COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME
SEE YA
DRIVE-BY
DIVORCED BLACK MALE or DIVORCED
BLACK FEMALE
DID I TELL YOU I’M DISTRESSED
DIVORCED WHITE MALE DIVORCED
WHITE FEMALE
DO IT YOURSELF
EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE
END OF DISCUSSION
EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE
29
EZ
FOCL
FWIW
FYA
FYI
G
GA
GAL
GBTW
G.D.
GF
GFC
GFETE
GMTA
GR&D
GTG
GTGTTBR
GTGRM
G.U.
HAND
HHOK
HTH
IAC
IAE
IC
IDGI
IMNSHO
IMO
IMVHO
IOTTMCO
IOW
IRL
ISO
ISOLTR
ISP
IYKWIM
IWALU
JIC
J/K
K
KISS
KOC
KOL
EASY
FALLING OFF CHAIR LAUGHING
FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH
FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT
FOR YOUR INFORMATION
GAY
GO AHEAD
GET A LIFE
GET BACK TO WORK
GEOGRAPHICALLY DESIRABLE
GIRLFRIEND
GOING FOR COFFEE
GRINNING FROM EAR TO EAR
GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE
GRINNING, RUNNING & DUCKING
GOT TO GO
GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM
GOING TO GO READ MAIL
GEOGRAPHICALLY UNDESIRABLE
HAVE A NICE DAY
HA, HA, ONLY KIDDING
HOPE THIS HELPS
IN ANY CASE
IN ANY EVENT
I SEE
I DON’T GET IT
IN MY NOT SO HUMBLE OPINION
IN MY OPINION
IN MY VERY HUMBLE OPINION
INTUITIVELY OBVIOUS TO THE MOST
CASUAL OBSERVER
IN OTHER WORDS
IN REAL LIFE
IN SEARCH OF
IN SEARCH OF LONG TERM
RELATIONSHIP
INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU
JUST IN CASE
JUST KIDDING
O.K.
KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID
KISS ON CHEEK
KISS ON LIPS
30
LD
LHO
LHU
LMAO
LOL
LSHMBH
LTNS
LTR
LY
LYWAMH
LYL
MorF
MTCW
NRN
NSO
OFD
OIC
OL
OLL
OM
ONNA
OTOH
OTTOMH
OTF
PDS
PLS
PM
PMP
POAHF
PU
QT
ROFL or ROTFL
ROFLMAO
ROFLMAOAY
ROFLMAOWTIME
ROFLUTS
RSN
RTFM
RUOK
S
SJWF –or- SJWM
LATER DUDE
LAUGHING HEAD OFF
LORD HELP US
LAUGHING MY ASS OFF
LAUGH OUT LOUD
LAUGH SO HARD MY BELLY HURTS
LONG TIME, NO SEE
LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP
LOVE YOU
LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART
LOVE YOU LOTS
MALE OR FEMALE
MY TWO CENTS WORTH
NO REPLY NECESSARY
NO SIGNIFICANT OTHER
OLD FUDDIE DUD
OH, I SEE
OLD LADY - WIFE, GIRLFRIEND,
ONLINE LOVE
OLD MAN - HUSBAND, BOYFRIEND
OH NO, NOT AGAIN!
ON THE OTHER HAND
OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD
ON THE FLOOR
PLEASE DON’T SHOUT
PLEASE
PRIVATE MESSAGE
PEED MY PANTS
PUT ON A HAPPY FACE
THAT STINKS!
CUTIE
ROLLING ON FLOOR LAUGHING
ROLLING ON FLOOR LAUGHING MY ASS
OFF
ROLLING ON FLOOR LAUGHING MY ASS
OFF AT YOU
ROLLING ON FLOOR LAUGHING MY ASS
OFF WITH TEARS IN MY EYES
ROLLING ON FLOOR LAUGHING UNABLE
TO SPEAK
REAL SOON NOW
READ THE FRICKIN’ MANUAL
ARE YOU OK?
SINGLE
SINGLE JEWISH WHITE FEMALE or MALE
31
‘SUP?
SWF –or- SWM
SWAK
SWL
SYS
TAFN
TEOTWAWKI
THX
TIA
PU
POAHF
QT
ROFL or ROTFL
ROFLMAO
ROFLMAOAY
ROFLMAOWTIME
ROFLUTS
RSN
RTFM
RUOK
S
SJWF –or- SJWM
‘SUP?
SWF –or- SWM
SWAK
SWL
SYS
TAFN
TEOTWAWKI
THX
TIA
TLK2UL8R
TMN
TOS
TOY
TPTB
TSWC
TTBOMK
TTFN
WHAZUP? (Slang for What’s Up?)
SINGLE WHITE FEMALE or MALE
SEALED WITH A KISS
SCREAMING WITH LAUGHTER
SEE YOU SOON
THAT’S ALL FOR NOW
THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW
IT
THANKS
THANKS IN ADVANCE
THAT STINKS!
PUT ON A HAPPY FACE
CUTIE
ROLLING ON FLOOR LAUGHING
ROLLING ON FLOOR LAUGHING MY ASS
OFF
ROLLING ON FLOOR LAUGHING MY ASS
OFF AT YOU
ROLLING ON FLOOR LAUGHING MY ASS
OFF WITH TEARS IN MY EYES
ROLLING ON FLOOR LAUGHING UNABLE
TO SPEAK
REAL SOON NOW
READ THE FRICKIN’ MANUAL
ARE YOU OK?
SINGLE
SINGLE JEWISH WHITE FEMALE or MALE
WHAZUP? (Slang for What’s Up?)
SINGLE WHITE FEMALE or MALE
SEALED WITH A KISS
SCREAMING WITH LAUGHTER
SEE YOU SOON
THAT’S ALL FOR NOW
THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW
IT
THANKS
THANKS IN ADVANCE
TALK TO YOU LATER
TO MY KNOWLEDGE
TERMS OF SERVICE
THINKING OF YOU
THE POWERS THAT BE
TELL SOMEONE WHO CARES
TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE
Ta-Ta FOR NOW
32
TTYL
TWIMC
Txs
URL
W/B
W/O
WRT
WTG
WTH
WU?
WWW
WYSIWYG
Y2K
YBS
YGIAGAM
YGWYPF
YMMV
ZZZ
TALK TO YOU LATER
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
THANKS
WEB PAGE ADDRESS
WELCOME BACK
WITHOUT
WITH REGARD TO
WAY TO GO
WHAT/WHO THE HECK
WHAT’S UP?
WORLD WIDE WEB
WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET
YEAR 2000
YOU’LL BE SORRY
YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE
YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR
YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY
SLEEPING (OR BORED!)
*At one point in time, I was a huge fan of Acronyms. There was one in particular that I just never got
the opportunity to use but one day I hope to find the perfect occasion.
TANSTAAFL = “THERE AIN’T NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH!”
33
13. MORE ACRONYMS
Here’s another list of Acronyms I have come across showing new and different ones (starting with
some devoted to the Gay Community):
The first letter is for the one seeking and the last letter is the one being searched for.
m4w = man for woman
w4m = woman for man
Some variations: if there's a "t" there it's either transsexual, transgender or transvestite.
m4t = man 4 transsexual
If there's a plural form (mm4ww, mw4w, w4ww etc.), "m" will always be man, "w" will still be woman.
And "t"... well you get the point.
The first letter signifies marital status or sexual orientation, the second letter is race and the
third is gender.
SAF = Single Asian Female
BiWM = Bisexual White Male
MBM = Married Black Male
GHM = Gay Hispanic Male
DWF = Divorced White Female
Some variations: if a "p" appears somewhere in the middle, it means "professional."
SWPM = Single White Professional Male
If there's a "j" in the middle, it stands for "Jewish."
SJPM = Single Jewish Professional Male
If they post only two letters, they don't want to reveal either their marital status or race but
they always say what their gender is.
WM = White Male
SF = Single Female
Other assorted acronyms/terms you are likely to encounter. A few are repetitive from above and
there are some that are of a more sexual nature. (I didn’t make these up; I’m just providing the info
I’ve come across in my “research”.)
CL = Craigslist
SP = Strictly Platonic
CE = Casual Encounters
RL = Real Life
hwp = height weight proportionate
a/s/l = age/sex/location
SO = Significant Other
NSA = No Strings Attached
IM = Instant Messenger
Cam = webcam
BBW = Big Beautiful Women
FWB = Friends With Benefits
34
d/df = drug/disease free
sugar daddy/mommy = someone financially supporting another's lifestyle
top/bottom = position for gay sex
Sub = Submissive
Dom = Dominant
BDSM = Bondage Discipline/Domination Sadism Masochism
420 = pot
CD = Cross Dresser
FOB = Fresh Off the Boat
brotha = black male
sista = black female
35
14. ARE YOU TELEPHONICALLY COMPATIBLE?
HEARING THE VOICE…MAN OR MOUSE? SIREN OR SHREW?
In the very beginning of my Cyber-Dating experiences, I chatted endlessly online and way too long
with one man in particular. He was so smooth with the written word and he looked so “good on
paper!” I felt myself falling head over heels for this guy! That is, until we finally got to speaking on the
phone and I heard the voice of a Mike Tyson or Mickey Mouse on steroids! This is not a joke! What a
disappointment and turnoff! (But that’s me! You on the other hand, my not find issue with this but
needless to say we never made it to that “drive-by”! To me, the voice is part of the “Whole Package”,
along with the “good teeth and posture” I request of in my personal ad! And I also write – “Glasses
and Hair optional”.)
ARE YOU “TELEPHONICALLY COMPATIBLE”?
Do they give “good phone?” Does the conversation flow or are you doing all the talking? Is there lots
of laughter in your conversation or endless lags and awkward moments? Maybe even“crickets”?
Does the person have the personality of a piece of cardboard (totally one-dimensional) or are they
charismatic and entertaining? If you find them to be argumentative, condescending, prejudice,
judgmental or negative…what we say here is, “NEXT!”
The MAIN POINT I make here (and am repeating from earlier) is that it’s CRITICAL to speak to the
person at least once before meeting. You can find out a lot about a person in a brief telephone
conversation (or two) and if the conversation isn’t jiving, it’s a lot easier to say “thanks but no thanks”
and hang up, rather than get up in the middle of a restaurant and WALK OUT!
ANOTHER C.D.G. “COMMANDMENT”:
THOU SHALL NOT SPEAK ENDLESSLY ON THE TELEPHONE (for hours and hours and DAYS on
end). Get to setting up that "DRIVE-BY!" What's the point of wasting all that precious time yapping
away on the phone…“yahdah, yahdah, yahdah”…only to come to the realization at the exact moment
you meet this person that there is LESS THAN ZERO CHEMISTRY! All that wasted time for naught
(while you’re “Dream Date” or “Soul Mate” is out there, anxiously waiting for you!)
36
15. THE FIRST “ENCOUNTER” A.K.A. “THE DRIVE-BY”
MORE C.D.G. “COMMANDMENTS”!
Thou shalt never, and I mean NEVER do dinner on a first encounter or date. Stick to the rule of the
30 minute "Drive-by"! Get in and GET OUT! After all, doesn’t it just boil down to the chemistry in the
end? And, do you really need a free dinner all that bad? You will know, almost at first sight, if there
is any chemistry or not. Why sit through a never-ending and painful dinner with someone who has
the personality of a flea, looks NOTHING like their picture(s) and you truly hope to dear GOD that you
will never, ever see or run into this person again! Finger’s xxx’d, this will not be the case and
ultimately you will ride happily off into the Sunset together. But for the first “Drive-By”, just set up a 30
minute date (if you even want to even call it that, but I prefer “Drive-By”) for a drink or cup of coffee. If
you do have chemistry, this Drive-By will naturally extend itself.
Do NOT have the person pick you up or meet you at your house!
Meet them somewhere mutually convenient (but someplace you can make a quick exit, if necessary!)
I recommend meeting for a drink or cup of coffee (or for a walk on a PUBLIC beach, boardwalk or
shopping mall – make sure it is not a secluded area!) BE SMART and BE SAFE!!!
*It’s also never a bad idea to tell a friend where you’re going and who you’re meeting, just as an
added precaution – You can always have a friend call you on your cell phone while you’re out on your
“Drive-by”, just to check in on you! Or… help bail you outta there if need be.
Keep it short and sweet! A “drive-by” should be a quick 30 minute meeting. GET IN AND GET
OUT! This is CRUCIAL! If you know in advance this is only going to be a brief 30 minutes of your life,
your anxiety and stress level will be way less. (Although it is normal to be somewhat anxious on any
type of “blind date” but this is not that; this is just a “Drive-By” so RELAX!)
Initially, as just a “Rookie” at Cyber-dating, I made the painful mistake of meeting men for dinner
(spending one and a half and sometimes longer for a first encounter). I knew at “Hello” that I would
not be seeing this person again! (As the evening progressed and I came to find out this person had
the personality of a piece of cardboard, my initial reaction was confirmed!)
After suffering through a few awkward and uncomfortable “first encounter,” dinner scenarios, I came
up with the 30 minutes “drive-by” rule (and I hate to say it but there were often times I wished it were
only 20!)
So please, take my advice and LEARN from my mistakes and experience! Don’t forget, I am
the “GURU”!
BEFORE MEETING, discuss (on the telephone in advance) the 30 minute “drive-by” and come to an
agreement. Don’t get caught off-guard with statements like, “Well, what if we like each other? Can’t
we stay longer than 30 minutes or do dinner?” If someone brings this up, before you meet, just tell
them, “Hey, if there’s any chemistry we have all the time in the world.” Let them know that the 30
minute “plan” (you don’t have to tell them it really is a “Drive-By”) is for “both our sakes” and “Hey,
you might not like me either!” That usually works great; how could somebody argue with that logic
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(and if they do, you know the word… “NEXT”! And it dismays me to say you may have to use it a few
times before you meet “The One!”)
*If you follow my suggestions, (especially THIS one), your online-dating experience will absolutely be
FUN, PLEASURABLE and PAINLESS! You’ll get to share a quick, pleasant drink or cup of coffee (or
a short stroll out in the fresh air). And, you’ll have met somebody new, who you’ve hopefully hit it off
with on one level or another.
*NOTE: One thing I realize I have to touch on regarding my possibly putting too much
emphasis on “Chemistry”. That is something that is just innate in me when I meet someone. I just
know it. And I prefer to feel it from the start. But that doesn’t apply to all of you. Often if you don’t feel
the physical chemistry but really like the person for many other reasons, perhaps that will come in
time. And many times it does. So long as the other is not too way off from what you are hoping to
connect with; maybe you don’t feel the initial chemistry but you’re finding you are really enjoying their
company, so give it a shot. Many relationships have been built on friendships and it seems those are
the ones that are long-standing!
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16. FOLLOW-UP TO THE “DRIVE-BY” - LET’S DO DINNER AND A MOVIE
OR…WRITING THE “DEAR JOHN” E-MAIL
Hopefully, your “Drive-By” experience was really enjoyable! Even though you pre-established that 30minute rule and stuck by it, within those 30 minutes, you had wonderful visions of the two of you
doing wonderful things with (and to) each other!
The rest is easy from here on (as long as the chemistry and feelings were mutual). If however, there’s
a lack thereof on either part, the next step would unfortunately be the “Dear John” or “Dear Jane” email. Here are some possible samples of phrases you could use.
SAMPLE OF A DEAR JOHN (OR DEAR JANE) EMAIL:
“Dear John,
You seem like a super, great guy; unfortunately it was just not the chemistry I am seeking!” Good luck
at finding love on the Internet!”
-OR“Dear Jane,
I think you are a _________ (fill in the blank ….”beautiful”, “sweet”, “charming”, “unique and
interesting”) woman! It just wasn’t the “bells and whistles” I’m hoping for. Best of luck to you and I
hope you find somebody special!
Be careful of using that old standard, “It’s not you, it’s me!” line. Most people are on to that these
days.
However you go about it, remember…rejection is never pleasant, especially when you're on the
receiving end of it – please consider this when writing your “Dear John” or “Dear Jane”. Try to bear
the "Golden Rule" in mind and "Do unto others”.
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17. “THESE ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES”
Are we on the same page or in different chapters?
When searching for a relationship I feel it is imperative that two people are on the “same pages” in
their lives.
At various times in my life, while thinking I might be ready for a “relationship”, younger men (who were
on entirely different “chapters” in their lives), have responded to my personal ad. As cute and fun as
they seemed to be, I just couldn’t pursue them or allow them to pursue me! Sometimes, they would
clearly state in their Personal Ad that they wanted children (most dating sites will give you that option
in your profile whether or not you want children). I on the other hand, was 45 years old with a
teenager who was graduating High School in a year! Starting over again with babies and bottles? It
just wasn’t for me! (Although there women in their 50’s who still can have children and will go for it.)
Another situation could be…Perhaps you’re a man who’s just come off a marriage and at this point in
time you prefer to date different women. For some reason (maybe it’s the way your ad is worded) the
majority of the women responding to you have never been married and are looking for “Mr. Right,” to
settle down with! Initially, dating them could be lots of fun but the end result is probably going to end
up in a “Crash and Burn” scenario.
When writing your ad, be sure to be specific about where you are in your life and what your
are looking for in terms of “situations” or “relationships,” love and/or the “M” word!
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18. MEET THE PARENTS? OR…. “NEXT!”
So! You’ve had a few Drive-By’s with women who looked nothing like their pictures or with men who
had the personalities of a flea ! But finally, you think you’ve met him OR her! Well good for you!
From here on in, you’re on your own! Remember…I AM the Cyber-Dating Guru and not a
Relationship Expert! I can offer you GREAT online-dating advice but far be it from me to offer
relationship advice! That’s a WHOLE ‘NOTHER BOOK and would probably be called, “Do as I say
and NOT as I do!”
I wish you luck and most important, I wish you love & happiness and hopefully you will have one great
Riding Off into the Sunset scenario together. BUT…if things DON’T work out for you or how you
had hoped, just remember my favorite word, “NEXT!” Then, pick yourself up, dust yourself off
and start all over again!
DON’T GIVE UP ON LOVE!!!
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19. MEET THE MEN Who have written me (and yes, some I have dated) over a 15year period of time
Here is a short list of a few of the men who have written me throughout the years...
A few I have dated, some I have had "Drive-Bys" with and some…I have never gotten around to
meeting! So many men, so little time. The same could be true for you.
-Pilots for major airlines as well as small aircraft owners/pilots of small jets, planes & helicopters.
-Race-car drivers (professional & amateur)
-Actors, wanna-be actors & professional models
-Horse trainers, owners & jockeys
-Karaoke singers & ballroom dancers
-Artists, authors & poets
-Disc Jockeys & TV Reporters
-Musicians (singers, guitar players, drummers, pianists, music & song writers, etc.) & music industry
professionals
-White collar workers & professionals… attorneys, accountants, architects, doctors, lawyers, dentists,
psychologists, financial, consultants/analysts, entrepreneurs & garmentos!
-Teachers & college professors
-Fireman and policeman, as well as a handful of E.M.S. workers
-Men of Italian ethnicity (ala Tony Soprano) w/questionable backgrounds & occupations
-Men from foreign countries and cities (Paris, Belgium, Denmark, Rome, Australia, Brazil, Israel and
Canada – is that considered foreign?)
Remember, I didn’t date or meet them all. These are just some of the men who have written me over
the years. They are men from all walks of life, who are looking for Love on the Internet. And for
almost as many men from so many walks of life, there are women as well. Although good news to
the Ladies, the ratio is 60/40 (men to women.).
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Throughout 15 years of online dating (on and off), I have had the opportunity to meet some very
exciting men with very diverse interests. Here are a few of the more interesting ones I have met and
the wonderful experiences, cities and locations I visited.
One gentleman flew me on his private jet to Utica, NY, where we stayed in his multi-million dollar log
cabin (which he referred to as the “lean-to”.) My 13 y.o. son and his friend accompanied us. My
son got to sit in the Co-Pilot’s seat during take-off. It was quite exciting for him. The snow had
fallen thick and heavy before we arrived and the first evening the four of us Jacuzzied it up under
the stars with flurries of snow still falling down upon us. The next day we jumped on snowmobiles and went racing through the woods to an isolated Tavern in the middle of no-where. It
was an adventure to be remembered.
One other man flew me to Atlanta (where we stayed at a 5-star resort/spa) to watch him race one of
his many Ferraris. This gentleman also flew me to Boston to meet him when he received the keys
to his newest Ferrari valued at a couple of hundred thousand dollars! (For real.) The Dealership
was owned by the boyfriend of Ivana Trump who I came to meet while there. After he received the
keys to his new Ferrari, we jumped in the car and did the "maiden" road trip together (around the
block a couple of times). My photo with him was posted on the Ferrari website for several days.
A man from California flew me to meet him for a weekend rendezvous in South Beach. This
gentleman was an ex-Mormon from Utah who also jumps out of helicopters, with skis on, and
does “Extreme Skiing”!
Another potential “mate” met me in Sedona, AZ for a 4-day stay in a fabulous bed and breakfast. We
hiked red-rock mountains and visited the Grand Canyon together! Unfortunately as soon as I got
off the plane and we met face-to-face I felt zero chemistry, although we had great phone
chemistry (i.e. we were “Telephonically Compatible”). We did make a promise to each other
before jumping on the plane to meet in Arizona (he was from Oregon) that there would be no
expectations and to meet as just friends and take it from there. I must say that although we did
promise to not have expectations, I did and was so disappointed upon meeting that I didn’t have
stronger feelings aside from a friendship for this man. And one of the reasons why I was so
disappointed was that we communicated for a long time prior to meeting. Which is exactly what I
suggest not to do (you see, learn from my mistakes!). But it couldn’t be helped because this was
so long distance and it took us a while before we could put a plan in place to meet. Again, the
longer you communicate with someone before you meet, the more you will be disappointed if
things don’t turn out the way you had hoped! This man remained a good friend for some years.
But regardless, I highly recommend a trip to Sedona, AZ to everyone! With or without a partner!
It was one of the most memorable experiences in my life!
A gentleman from San Antonio, Texas (who has also remained a very good friend of mine for many
years) flew me to Hawaii to meet him where the 2 of us spent an amazing week traveling Maui
and Kauai; I played "tour guide", having been to Kauai twice before! We swam with the Sea
Turtles – a dream come true and a check off the ole’ Bucket List. And that was one of the most
amazing experiences of my life!!! Before we did this trip together, he had flown into New York on
business. Prior to his trip, knowing he was going to be in New York and the fact that he was
single prompted him to seek out single women in New York to possibly go out with and bounce
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around NYC together. Well, I ended up being the woman who did this with him and we had a blast
together. He took me to a Black Crows concert at the Beacon Theatre in NYC where we sat in the
4th Row and met up with Richard Branson and Peter Frampton after the concert at a private “AfterParty”. In fact, I had my photos taken with them. Very cool!
And, one very famous, popular a.m. radio talk show personality (from New York) answered my ad
and took me to dinner. There was no “love connection” (actually more on his part than on mine – it
rolls both ways) but we too remained friends for several years thereafter.
Keep in mind, I did do “Drive-Bys” with most of these guys, prior to being whisked away for long
weekend getaways, with the one exception of “Sedona, Az”.
Naturally, I have had several of your run-of-the-mill dinner dates and some not-so-much “run-of-themill”. But that’s before I came up with the 30 minute “Drive-By” rule. So, as long as you keep my
suggestions in mind, your online-dating experiences should be really fun and pleasurable!
If you do meet someone and come to find it’s just not working out...it’s time to move on! Or, “When
the pain becomes more than the pleasure, it’s time to GET OUT!” (Did somebody utter the word,
“NEXT?”)
ANOTHER “FUNNY” (Maybe questionably “funny”) STORY?
In my Cyber-Dating experiences, I have actually met a couple of men missing a body part here or
there (or portion thereof, i.e. a tip of a finger or such). Keep in mind that, prior to meeting these men, I
was already made aware of such fact(s) -- for some reason, it just came out in conversation, prior to
our “Drive-By”.
About 6 months into my online dating experiences, I was sharing some stories on the phone with a
man, I had yet to meet. (We were still at the “Telephonically Compatible” stage and had yet to get to
our “Drive-By”!) This guy had, as requested, sent me a pic of himself however in his photo one eye
appeared red and one eye appeared to be blue. Jokingly, I mentioned this to him and asked, “So tell
me…..what color are you eyes? Are they red or are they blue?” The man responded to me…. “Well
actually, I happen to have a glass eye!”
I guess the expression here would be: “Open mouth, insert foot!”
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20. E-MAILS RECEIVED FROM THE MEN
Following are just a few of the e-mails I’ve received since 1998 when I first began Online
Dating.
The way they appear as follows are exactly the way I received them. Only the names have
been changed to protect the innocent.
Besides being a highly amusing read, many of these e-mails can serve as a helpful "tool" or guideline
as far as what to write (or not to write) when trying to pursue a date online. Hopefully, you will be able
to differentiate between the two...
*You will note I have made some editorial comments in italics under (or over) some of the following
emails received.
“Wow, I have to say you really know what you want, I hope you don;t ever get lonely, But if
you want to play now , check me out,, Hot !!! Do you have a dvd player? Sometimes I crawl
into plastic bags, I like to eat soup with a fork, Do you? Well, Hope to hear from you soon, I
think I love you already”
Never knew what to make of that one but in looking back, I think he may have been playing me
although at first I just thought he was just one strange bird.
“hi
saw your ad
you are incredibly stunning
thank you for making my day
i am probably not what you are looking for as i am a married investment banker
but couldnt resist saying how stunning you are
if by chance
i interest you
please respond
then i could have a second day as delightful as this
thanks”
Nice up until the Married” part. But, big points for honesty.
I just wanted to say thatif I were a kiss, I would want to die on your lips
How poetic.
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“Hi”
Yep, that was it. Just “Hi”. And throughout the years I have received several of the same. Some do
send a photo along but most just said “Hi”. He clearly was not aiming for originality.
“you are a hottie”
“now you are the ultimate in a woman!!”
Keep those cards and emails coming!
“hi i'm 44, 5-7 l75 clean shaven and very handsome. you say you like to have fun. i would love
to you spank me. i get off on having georgeous ladies like you spank me. i think you would
enjoy it. call me on my cell phone ask for _____ at ______ . life is full of adventures why not try
this one.”
He actually DID supply a number and NO, I never called it!
I received the following email from a man I’d never met, nor had any previous correspondence with:
My Sweets,
While I may be miles away, writing to you keeps you closer. The thought of you lifts my spirits
every day. Suddenly I know why there are poets, and painters, and those who are at peace
with the world. I think of our hearts pressed together, listening to one another breathing,
content.
Fondly,
Jesse
The following individual, whom I find to be extremely irritating, has sent me this particular e-mail about
a dozen times! I think he sends this very same e-mail to all women with ads online!
Hi, let me tell you a little about myself. I'm 5'11", 165 lbs, age with spirinkled moondust in my
hair and eyes of blue. I am employed by a company that manufactures leederhosen. Due to the
fakakta time that i spend on the road, I have been unable to find miss right, although there has
been many skanks along the way. Oy.
I enjoy the following recreations; toe-gliding, playing bombardment, reading, finger painting,
chinese redlights, movies, paintball, kite-flying, cowtipping, and the symphony.
My turnoffs include; undercooked kreplach, smog, uncaring people, midgets inside casinos,
anti-semites, meshugenahs, and wooden mail-boxes.
Last movie seen: "honey i shrunk the dreidel"
Last book read: "Panos & Podpiffer" by Pietro Peedle Pom Poobler
Favorite Dish: gadempta souflaki
If you think I am interesting, write back.
One guy actually wrote me using this screen-name:
“superhot469”
"Do you believe in love at first type?!?!?!?!?!?"
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Cute. (I actually that’s a great name for a movie (or another book) about online dating. I’ll think I’ll
contact my Publisher.)
Pull up a chair for this one!!
“how are you. saw your profile on the net. hope you are still looking. i'm a single African
american male 38 years old, decent and sincere. i work a mixed schedule; sometimes in the
daytime, but mostly in the evenings. i've never been married or engaged. i'm not gay or
anything like that. just unlucky. i know the old saying: "it's better to have loved and lost than
to never have loved at all". i know that is true firsthand. i don't believe in sex before marrage.
and at this point, i know i'll probably never be married. i still have hope for some kind of
romantic stability in my life. i never give up. i have no illusions of starting a premature
relationship. but i am more than happy to make friends and see what happens. i know that
80% of these internet poeple are usually married or attacted looking for some fun on the side.
if that is you please do not respond. i'm looking for a friend who is sincere, has feelings, and
can care about someone. i am a very caring person but probably a litle too nice. i've had
people take advantage of that. i love to talk as well as go out. i don't need to 'run' all the time.
the problem with the internet is that even if you do meet a nice aldy, they stop writing you
when they find the "love" of their life and X you out. most are too superficial to be friends.
hopefully, we can keep the lines of communication open and continue to grow and know
eachother better. i'm hoping for that. ik would like you to write back. i'm not as boring as i may
sound(lol). ask me any question. nothing's off limits.
let me tell you more about myself. i am 6'5 tall 220lbs never married and have no children. i
like spending time in the city on the weekends. i am a "day" person, not a "night" person. so i
like spending time in the afternoons going to places like the park, the zoo, museums, or
peaceful things like that. i work as a receptionist/security at a nursing home. i've only been
there for about a year. this sumer, i plan to start sudying for my Masters Degree. in Dec of last
year i moved back in with my mother and will be moving in the fall after i've completed my
coursework. i've met a variety of women on the internet but never really made a connection
since most of them are either preoccupied or not interested i've been looking for that special
person for a number of years. though I may lack sucess, i feel that i can find that true love if i
try. i just hope to make an online friend and hope to keep the lines of communication open.
please don't fall off the face of the earth after a couple e-mails like so many do. you can miss
out on some very valuble friendships and not give any relationship a chance to grow a little.
i am very interested in meeting someone like you who seemed unpretentious and honest in
your profile.
i don't expect you fall in love with me immediatly 'cause i don't have money or power but i
think i'm still a good match. i spend my days reading and cooking. then i work. mostly I work
from 3-11(this week it'll be from two to ten). you can write since i'm online more than i've ever
been. not to chat but to log on to political or public interest sights. i'm currently speaking with
a couple of female friends i've met online. though none have indicated they wanted anything
but a friendship. so don't be afraid to call. i won't jump on 'ya. i don't send my pictyure to
strangers but if you'd like to see it, i wil grant that request in the future. look foward to
speaking will you for i hope will be the first of many times. :)”
Prepare yourself for this one…
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“YOU ARE A MAGNIFICENT DROP DEAD GIRL WHICH TOTALLY CONFUSES ME THAT YOU
ARE NOT TAKEN.I AM SURELY BLOWN AWAY BY THE WAY YOU LOOK, EVEN THOUGH
LOOKS SHOULD COME LATER. . ALL I COULD SAY IS WOW WOW WOW. YOUR'E SO
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!”
So I thought, wow, this guy is special! First he sends me a pic of a very handsome, but very young
(late 20’s, early 30’s) guy in a tuxedo. But I chose not to respond because he was much younger than
I indicated in my profile regarding the men I was hoping to date. Immediately after, he sends me the
following e-mail:
“well i sure hope u can keep up with me cant tell from that pic of urs lolllll as long as i keep
drinking that green juice and wheatgrass all day long i doubt any man drinking soda could
possibly have my energy level as u can tell i own a health products company and have a
product which could turn out to be the ultimate cure for aging so if u tune on ur radio in the
next 2 weeks u'll hear about it well im sure u'll think i reesemble ricky martin so try not to
drool all over ur keyboard lolllllllll talk soon”
I chose not to respond for a variety of reasons. The next day I received this…
“there must be something wrong with this aol personal if i cant get a response from an old
hag whos 45 with a bastard son doesnt respond there must be something wrong with love@
AOL lollllllllllllllllllll”
Within 3 short emails this guy went from a sweetheart to a Psychopath. Which is a great lesson in
reminding oneself to proceed with a necessary amount of caution when online dating, to follow your
gut instincts and that everybody is not who they say they are. In fact a large majority, unfortunately
are not! I have to say that of any negative responses I may have received over the years, this one is
at the top of the list.
“I am 56, fairly short like 5 ft 3 and divorced. Looking for a friendly person to spend time with
occasionally. Do not want to marry. Believe in going Dutch when going out….”
There’s more to it but I’m hoping you got the general idea. I think I should have a Chapter titled,
“What not to say in Personal Ads or E-mails. This e-mail would begin that chapter! And “fairly short”
as in 5 ft 3”! My apologies to the short guys of the world out there but my profile clearly indicates I am
only interested in dating men 5’9” to 6’4”. I prefer my men big with a little extra weight rather than
slim and trim (and I indicate that as well). Nothing wrong with the other body types – just not my
preference.
And what about that last sentence? The one he chose to “close the deal” with? “Believe in going
Dutch when going out…” Oh boy. This guy needs some one-on-one time with The Original CyberDating Guru and not for a date!
“hi! too bad you live so far.. do you ever visit Europe? I am in the netherlands, 31, 6'2" short
dark blond hair, blue eyes, .. work as a tv reporter. would you like to write back?”
I have no excuse or explanation why I never ended up responding to this man. Maybe because he
lives in the Netherlands but I always tell my readers, followers and members at my websites, it’s
always nice to have friends in far off places. You never know; at some point in the future I may decide
to plan a trip to the Netherlands and in that case, I’d have an escort waiting there to show me around.
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“I am 6 3 220 lbs... italian and just love to have fun :)”
“Hi, find your profile interesting, being that your also a Taurus and I never met a Taurus
woman. If you like my profile, E-mail me and we can talk and smaybe meet somewhere at your
liking for a drink and to get to know each other.”
Does this guy live under a rock? He’s never met a Taurus woman?
“Great ad. :) I'm intelligent, attractive, educated, attached, looking for a fun, sophisticated
woman who might like a younger man in her life. Interested?”
“Sophisticated”? It just wouldn’t have worked. I’ve used a lot of interesting adjectives to describe
myself in my profiles but “sophisticated” is not one of them. (On a good note I suppose, I’ve never
been accused of being “boring”.)
This one wrote me twice. Once on 12/15/01 and then again, almost a year later.
First he wrote…
“hi- saw you ad. you look very pretty. i am a 6 ft. 3 in. 220 lb. bodybuilder-blond hair. since you
dont have a boyfriend and the holidays are coming up i would like you to spend a night with
me. i am easy to talk to and if you have any fantasies we can make them come true. you dont
have to worry all bodybuilders are safe its those little guys you have to watch out for. i am
also a great massger. and not for 5 minutes like most guys. we can meet and spend the night
together and go crazy. no one but us will know. dont deny yourself the fun you really want.you
can see my photo at ___________.(HE INCLUDED A WEBPAGE ADDRESS!)”
And again on 11/28/02 he wrote this…
“Hi- saw your ad. you look very pretty. I am a 6 ft. 3 in 220 lb. bodybuilder-blond hair. if you are
lonely for the holidays or dont have a bf how about inviting me over for the night. I am a great
masseuse ( and not for 5 minutes like your old husband or bf) I will massage you for an hour
with oil then we can spend the night together. you dont have to worry all bodybuilders are
safe its those little guys you have to watch out for. I also have references. e-mail me if you are
interested or give me a call.”
This Joker actually included his phone number at the end of his e-mails to me with a photo that I
really wish I could share. It is absolutely hilarious; it’s a close-up of him doing bicep curls on a
machine at the gym with a real “grunt” look at his face and the worst blond dye job ever! Naturally his
body is all pumped and greased up.
First this guy writes me (on Christmas Day!):
“nice meeting you – im Jerry a swm of 41 from the north shore of long island IM always
looking to meet new and fun people IM open minded and very spontaneous my PIC is attached
i hope to hear back from you and that we can talk and validate that we are on the same page - i
do not like whiny types -- only confident women xoxo”
I responded the following day because he was really cute and I am a “confident” non-whiny woman!
He follows it up with:
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“laugh is always good smile - well - without sounding like a turkey and a conceited ass if we
meet - i PROMISE to make u smile and thats NOT bluster one very important question do you
like to kiss -- (hint hint i do) and if you dont all bets are off”
Evidently, I responded again and here’s the last e-mail I received – the “clincher” - which I chose NOT
to respond to:
“since i made you smile do you shave yourself below? how tall are you how much do you
weigh what are your measurements what gets you hott”
Never saw that one coming.
“HEY MABYE WE COULD KEEP IN TOUCH ,IF IM NOT TO YOUNG FOR YOU. I BE A GOOD
BOY.”
No explanation necessary.
“I read through your personal - I’m confident I am an excellent opportunity for somebody.
And how would I describe myself, I seem about 37 - I’m 5’11" 172 lbs full head of hair,
goodcomplexion, I work out and run on a regular - I can run 2-3 miles when I want - tall and
slender, swimmer type physique, no pot - I’m definitely considered good looking - I had been
dating this girl that I was madly in love for 7 months - she dropped me for absolutely no
reason (when you give someone your heart, they do whatever with it and so to avoid this
internet thing I’ve gone to several night clubs - I’ll just say the girls reaction is good, otherwise
you’ll say I’m immodest, and I’m a good dancer (touch / swing style) - you? - but I’m not a
night club person - few singles clubs over 35 - this internet thing can work (I met her) but it
takes a lot of time and half the time people treat you like a martian - it’s a process, whereas at
the night club you just walk up and say hello - I’m 47 - one of the funny things to come out of
is the girls at the night clubs don’t think how she did me was at all acceptable, whereas you
would think they would say anything goes.
I’m looking for that special person, but that doesn’t happen overnight - I’d much rather have
that special person, I hate to say this I don’t know if I like dating - I could play around with the
girls I meet if I wanted, but I’m not like that; also I’m a germ freak (I don’t take chances).
I guess my interests are somewhat similar to yours. I’m mostly intellectual / deep thinker type
- I’m talkative (why I hate the computer) I like to nu-age social type events, I’m warm /
huggable I like a lot of close contact (we’ll that’s the type I am). I’m an inventor - I’ve found my
calling in life - I will contribute greatly to this world and I should make it to the very top of the
mountain - In the meantime I’m trying to learn how to sell.
There’s nothing wrong with me and I am the way I describe myself. If there’s interest, by all
means check it out - you can leave whatever contact information - if we don’t click, I have a
jillion better things to do - if you’re cautious to the state of paranoia about meeting people on
the internet, please don’t respond, I don’t get involved in that stuff.
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Of course I’m looking for my counterpart - must be considerate, without a lot of "shoulds",
and not be a "one way street" person, where they just consider things from their standpoint.
Life is short, let’s not waste time.
I’m in Jericho, non-smoker. If you don’t me, you don’t like nobody :-)
I’ve got to run (down the bike path).
Mike - short for Michael”
“Hi there, Great ad. :) I'm intelligent, attractive, educated, attached, looking for a fun,
sophisticated woman who might like a younger man in her life. Interested?”
“Attached?” Notice how he sneakily inserted that word in there….as if I might skip over it and not
notice!
“I just had to write and let you know that you have one of the most beautiful faces I have ever
seen.”
Sweet.
“now you are the ultimate in a woman!!”
He can tell all that just from reading my profile? I bed he didn’t even read it. He’s probably one of
those guys who just looks at the photo, likes what he sees and the next thing you know, he “favorites”
you, based on the photo alone.
“Oh Boy! I really doubt I could keep up with you! BUT! I WISH I could! You are beautiful and
tantalizing! Just wanted to tell you you are a sight, and a personality, for these old eyes!! Lots
of luck....but, I'm sure you make your own!”
Again, sweet.
“Hello!
I am 28 and from Long Island, about 20 minutes from NJ. You are probably saying right
now...." he is way to young !" I was right :) first read on ..... Your ad is great because you seem
like a really fun person, I am not sure if you are looking for anything serious at this moment. I
am a very busy person and I am trying to find the time for that right person to have fun
with......from watching a movie to weekend trips to being passionate in more ways than one.
I'm not into movie star looks but I am a very visual person. I love eyes. They can say a lot
about someone. It's really difficult finding someone to really connect with. I would love to find
a woman who can really be a friend to me, who can laugh with me. A woman who looks at me
as a person, a human being with opinions and ideas. Someone who knows what respect
means and who doesn't have to "win" every argument or disagreement. Someone with goals,
imagination, intelligence and some sense of fashion. Someone who really enjoys life.
Someone who isn't happy just sitting around all of the time. And yet, sometimes she likes just
being lazy, watching t.v. A woman who can decide on Friday eve to pack up the camping gear
and drive up state early Sat OR go into the city for the weekend. That type of person is
important to me. A woman who loves animals is a great plus! About me? I will wait for your
response :) I am super-sexual. I love everything about a woman and her satisfication is my
turn on. When it comes to making love, kissing, fore-play, touching, watching. talking dirty,
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blindfolding...and just being bad! .....etc. It is all about her. That might be too much
information, but I really want you to know that I am a very sexual guy, sex is not everything,
but its very important to a relationship/friendship/ whatever we define things as today. I'm not
looking for someone to take care of me and I'm not looking for 65 someone to take care of. I'm
looking for someone to be my best friend and share things in life that make us happy. The rest
will all fall into place. Hope to hear from you!”
Yes, it was a bit TMI, especially towards the end.
And how about this one…
“I must say, you do look good. “ Im 35 yrs of age single male, never married, non smoker from
CT. I enjoy many activities ranging from working out, rollerblading, indoor rock climbing and
going topless in my jeep. (not me without my top, my jeep without its top..lol) As for my
appearance, Im 5'8" 175-180lbs, brown hair/green eyes, and I have a goattee.
I have many pics to share with you (see, I love to share. *wink*)upon your request. Im sure you
wont be disapointed as I wasnt disapointed when I looked at your pics.”
So far, so good (except for the “goatee” – not a big fan of the “goatee”) Now read the closing
paragraph…
”I can go on and talk more, but enough about me, I want to know about you. Besides I would
rather use my tongue for something other than talking! *devilish grin*”
Again, TMI and definitely too intimate for an introductory email.
Here’s a sample of just a really nice e-mail from a guy who knows how to say most all the right things.
”Hi! My name is Larry! I'm a 40 year old white male 5'10 178 pounds in 66 good shape brown
hair with green eyes. I'm a kind and caring person, a great friend and companion, always there
when you need someone to talk and have someone listen. I reside in Eastern Suffolk and work
as a Police Officer. I enjoy so much but here just a few,
beach,boats,hiking,biking,walks,kids,animals,travel,music, movies,fine dinning, motorcycles I
ride on and off of my job, and so much more. So if you would like to know more just ask.”
Here’s a guy who writes a GREAT E-MAIL.
“Hello my name is Mitch, I am a 35/W/M from Westchester County area of NY...I have been a
Fireman for the last 12yrs in a small town..I saw your ad and thought that we had a few things
in common and hope that we might get to chat.
Some of my hobbies are: Hockey, baseball (big Yankee Fan ), Golf, comedy clubs, exploring
NYC, or riding my HARLEY..and I just took up playing the guitar.... I like a woman that can
dress up for a night out on the town, but can also feel comfortable in jeans and sweatshirt for
a fun day in the park......I believe that woman should be treated with respect and like a woman
should be.....Chivalry is not dead with me...but she can be independent..my music taste varies
from Rock to country..I like to explore NYC and see all that it has to offer...I enjoy comedy
clubs, nightclubs and road trips for no reason..well I hope in the few words that I have written
that in some way I might have caught your interest...If so feel free to e-mail so we might chat”
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Most likely, I didn’t respond to HIM for two reasons:
1) Westchester County – definitely G.U. (“geographically undesirable”). Been there, done it – it didn’t
work. And in fact, it was with someone from Westchester County.
My experience was that rather than being able to date one-another as “normal” people, after the
first few dates, we basically started the relationship by spending entire weekends together. It was
a bit awkward from the beginning, spending a weekend in someone else’s home you were just
getting to know. And then having them in your home the following weekend. It was a classic, too
much, too soon, too fast resulting in a “crash and burn”.
2) The second reason I did not respond was the statement “big Yankee Fan”. I’m not much into
watching sports on tv and in past years would always rather be a participant than an observer.
Going to watch various sporting events live can be great from time to time. However, remember
the word “fan” is abbreviated from the word “fanatic” and Yankee Fans can hold true to that
testament almost every time. (Being from New York, I’ve experienced this first-hand.)
“HI I'M TOM FROM LONG ISLAND ALSO....I READ YOUR AD AND WANTED TO TELL YOU
THAT AFTER READING IT I FELT THAT WE WERE NOT A MATCH. THIS WAY MAYBE WE WLL
BE A MATCH BECAUSE WHEN I THOUGHT THERE MAY HAVE BEEN GOOD MATCHES, IT
ENDED UP BEING UNEVENTFUL. I'M 50 AND DIVORCED FOR 3 YEARS AND HAVE A 12 YEAR
OLD DAUGHTER.”
He made the decision for me in the first sentence.
”ME N YOU WOULD BE LIKE MAGNETS ....... MERRY X-MAS”
This guy writes me every few months! He never stops trying! Definitely gotta give him an “A for
Effort”. I did previously respond that he was real cute but simply too young – 31ish! He just kept on
trying.
“Hello! My name is Tony, I am 36 years old, I am American/Italian decent, 5 feet 8 about 190
lbs, I do a little weight lifting/boxing/karate. I am very passionate and affectionate, and I also
enjoy kissing, snuggling, cuddling etc, etc. I do have a healthy barefoot fetish, and give a
great foot massage etc,etc, etc……..
I am looking for a casual relationship. Would you be interested?”
Not really but it was hard to turn down the offer for a great foot massage! But sometimes any word
associated with the word “fetish” can kind of get me heading for the hills.
“im 36 from west islip im nicelooking and normal im mickey your really hot i would love to
make u happy anyway i could your a doll call me up you would make my day to hear the voice
that goes with that picture __________(telephone #) mickey”
“I am Italian so I feel it is ok to ask, which is it the Italian or Jew that makes you so beautiful.
You are just gorgeous. I am not even trying to date you because I am 60 and way over your
limit. But the Italian in me said stop for a minute and write, and tell her what you think. OK so I
did, good luck to you. Tony”
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I do love Italian men!
“ur awsome,,names aldo,,i saw ur smile and wanted tokiss u on the screen,,,ill send u a pic
,,see if interested,,kisses doll,,,,,”
Very cute e-mail; it definitely made me smile. The only problem here was that in the pic he attached
he was holding a Lowenbrau (beer) in one hand (I don’t drink) and a hero in the other. And, he had a
giant gold chain hanging from his neck! Like I said, “I do love Italian men” however minus the gold
chains, beers and heros.
“HI,SO YOUR SO FULL OF LIFE,YOUR A SIZE 6,WOWIE ZOWIE,SO IM 50,AND A SIZE 30
PANTS,AND SOME HOW I GET THE IMPRESSION THAT MANY WOMEN THINK THAT AT
50,YOU HAVE I FOOT IN THE GRAVE,BUT WOMEN ARE ENERGIZER BUNNIES.LOOK
AROUND YOU,,HOW COULD I EVER FIND FEMALE IN MY AGE GROUP THATS NOT A VICTIM
OF BURGER LAND....YOU ARE ONE OF EXCEPTIONS,IT SEEMS,BUT TALK IS CHEAP...ALL I
READ IS WHAT YOU WANT...YOU YOU YOU...WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR ME?THIS NEVER
REALLY ENTERS ANY OF THE FEMALES HERE....THEY ARE STILL LOOKING FOR MR.
PERFECT,AH WHAT A DREAM,WHAT FABLE,WHAT BULL....ALL I WANT IS A TRUTH
FUL,WOMAN,WHO IS NOT SELFISH,AND SLIM.THATS IT....SO SIMPLE,SO IMPOSSIBLE.KEEP
UP WITH YOU,I COULD THROW YOU ON THE DANCE FLOOR ANYTIME DEAR...IM ALL
SINUEW...NOT THE MAN OF STEEL,OR BRONZE,I THINK YOU HAVE READ TO MANY
ADVENTURE ROMANCE NOVELS.SENSE OF ADVENTURE,HA,EVERYDAY I WORK,I PRAY I
COME HOME IN ONE PIECE,WORK FOR THE T.A.,PROFESSIONAL PAINTER...IM A TAURUS,I
DO NOT LIE....LOVE YOUR SMILE,BEWITCHING.WELL IF YOU HAVENT GUESSED IT BY
NOW,IM A WHITE SMART JEWBOY FROM BROOKLYN,LB,SO I LL STOP BORING YOU
ANYMORE WITH MY PRATTLE,AND HOPE SOMEHOW YOU WILL RESPOND,I TO AM
DIVORCED,AFTER 14 YEARS,NO DISEASES...IM SO DAMMED LUCKY,AM I NOT?AFTER
OVER TWO YEARS NOW.SO YOU NOW KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME,SO LETS HAVE AN
ADVENTURE!”
He said it! WOWIE, ZOWIE!
“You stopped me in my tracks. You look like a dream come true. I'm older but look about 52.
Is it possible?”
No, it was not possible! He was 62 and appeared to look 72!
“Hi,
My name is Gary and I am using my brother’s computer his name is Ron. I think your very
pretty and attractive. I would love a chance to talk with you. I am taking a chance with this so
here goes, My number is _______.”
My only comment here is that if you’re going to pursue online dating, you should really have your own
pc!
“Dear Rockin: Hello! I am Paul. I'm a long distance runner (I run 65 miles a week), I'm a fulltime college student at Westchester Community College(3.94GPA), I'm a very good dancer(I
was voted dancing king at my 10 year high school reunion in 1993), I love animals (I have a
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kitty cat named Brandi. She protects me at nighttime when I'm scared), and I'm extremely
affectionate, loving and gentle. You are a veru beautiful woman!!! Wow!!! I make GREAT peach
pancakes! I'll serve you breakfast in bed in the morning, and I'll wash the dishes also! I
promise! I also play guitar and sing! I'll serenade you with The Beatles' song, "Do You Want
To Know a Secret?" Here are my two phone #'s:___________. I can't wait to hear from you!
You're GORGEOUS!!! Love,(kisses and hugs)Paul
XOXOXO XOXOXO”
Well, I’m allergic to Cats and maybe also to men who refer to their cats as “Kitty Cat who protects
them at nighttime when he’s scared”.
“I have 2 passions not mentioned in my profile. I rock climb anywhere anytime. (ice in the
winter of course) I also fly myself to get there. What are my other qualifications? I have a
kayak, canoe, and small sailboat at my cabin in the adirondacks. I've been told that i'm very
romantic (yes by a girl) and very deep. Too much so for her. I'll get up and sing with my
neighborhood band. They jam most fridays if they don't have a gig. They play blues, just for
me.Interested?” –Steve
I almost responded however although I don’t consider myself to be shallow by any means I also do
not consider myself to be “very deep”. The deepest I ever got was spending one 3-day weekend,
cross-legged on a floor at a Meditation Intensive at Roseland Ballroom in NYC. When I was through
with that, I was through with that. But seriously, I prefer more lighthearted, fun (and at times, “silly”)
over the “deep” and intense.
“Hi I’m 44 5-7 175 clean shaven and very handsome. You say you like to have fun. I would love
to you spank me. I get off on having georgeous ladies like you spank me. I think you would
enjoy it. Call me on my cell phone ask for Charlie at _________. Life if full of adventures why
not try this one.”
I wonder what he meant by “clean shaven”?
Hi, I just wanted to say you are very cute I love your face. To bad I am married :(.
His email address started out as “HOTKISSER_ _ _ _ _ - do you think he kisses his WIFE with that
email address?
You seem like a lot of fun. I'm not sure if there's a match here, but I've got good
teeth. Seth
Now there’s a guy who actually read my profile. “Good teeth and posture a must.”
…………Hello…..how are you? You from New York, originally? Do you like it there? Are you
currently seeing someone? Respectfully…………
Your picture really caught me eye……..very pretty face…….If you’re not involved and had the
choice of looksin a man that really truns you on…….would it be that of or favor……..Tommy
Lee Jones…….Harrison Ford…..Sam Elliott…….Brad Pitt…….Sean Connery……….or maybe I
don’t have the right actor mentioned……but of those 5 mentioned is there one that you like?
I just saying there isn’t use being around someone you don’t want to look at, so maybe I ‘ve
got a 20% chance of being someone you like being around….that you’re attracted to
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This will save us time…….Who would you choose ? ……….I have a picture and will send but
pick one if you will? Please.
John
O.K, I choose. Brad Pitt!
And here’s another with a short array of questions:
“Hi! here’s some questions I wanted to ask you pointed at values, beliefs, goals, focus, and
the gotta-haves/better not haves. The kind of stuff that involves discussion and
communication with eachother. Just wanted to give you something to think about. And
respond to if you wish to –
So all that said & done-what are your priorities in life (try to rate & rank if possible)
-what are the values that you cherish and live by?
-wat are the qualities and characateristics you feel are important for your next (andhopefully
last) relationship?
-what type of behavious do you despise and hold in contempt?
-what are the most significant attributes you seek in your mate? What are the least?
-how’s your temper? Anything in particular to push your button?
-do you get along with your parents?
-what’s your relationship withg your ex- like today?
-why did the most significant relationship in your life fall apart?
-what would you like your life to be line in 6mo? 2 yrears? 10 years?
-in your next “real relationship” what would you envision the division of responsibilities to
become? Are there things you like to do? Don’t like to do?
-are you a physically loving person within your committed relationship?
-how’s your sense of humor?
-what do you think about kids, moving, communication, finances, careers, eachother’s
families, monogamy, etc. as they pertain to your own goals & ambitions?
-and last- but certainly not least – are you ready, willing and able to do whatever it takes to
make your relationship work for the long haul?
I think that I can grow to adapt, accept, tolerate, and probably even love whatever the personal
preferences, nuances, desires and less significant things which are natural differences
between two people. To me, the important stuff is the core of who and what you are, what you
want out of life, your limits and all the things that might be less likely to change or evolve as a
relationship unfolds and progresses. getting a fix on these sorts of things, and how we each
deal with them to me is a critical part of forming a deep love, respect, support and bond.
Sorry if this sounds formal or serious, but to tell the truth, I can’t think of anything more
important than getting these sorts of things into the open with someone special!”
I wouldn’t have believed it myself, if I hadn’t read it for a first, second and third time!!!
“Lady you have got it all! What a wonderful creation you are. When I saw your bio I was
reminded of a writing by Nelson Mandela. He entitled it "MY Deepest Fear" It goes like this.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful
beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves,
who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
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You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing
enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born
to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone,
and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the
same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. This
would speak to one so lovely as you.”
I saw this quote in a newspaper four years ago and kept a clipping in my wallet. It’s one of my favorite
quotes of all time. I thought it amazing that this guy sent me this very same quote. I actually did
respond but he ended up being a little too enlightened and deep for me. I do enjoy being around (and
learning from) people who are consciously aware but some take it to a whole other level beyond, my
comfort zone.
Following are more e-mails I had actually printed out and stored in boxes, many also dating
back to 1998! (I used to print out all the emails and then as I spoke to the men on the phone I would
actually jot down notes about where they lived, what their daughter’s name was, what sports their son
played, how long ago did he get divorced? Etc, etc. And I did this because I was getting
overwhelmed with the responses and it was the only way I could really keep track of who was who so
the next time we spoke (or emailed each other), if there was a next time, the man would know I was
listening and paying attention to him. Men (and women) want and need to know that they are special
and not just one in a pack of many. Also (I know this is going to sound crazy), I actually three-hole
punched these printed out emails and put them into a binder with A-Z dividers so I could alphabetize.
I know! I said it was going to sound crazy but how else could I keep up and keep track? I couldn’t
rummage through boxes looking for their printed out emails (with my scribbled notes). Back then
when Match.com was [email protected] the members’ “mailboxes” weren’t set up the way they are
today and it wasn’t as easy to navigate around that site as it is today.
So anyway, here are some more emails from my “archives”.
Hello, my name is Pete. Iam a 39yr old m/w , divorced father of 3 . I am 5’10 210lbs( not fat ) , nycpd
officer for the past 12 yrs. (don’t eat donuts) LOL. The picture attached was taken in Oct 97 with my 2
sons. If interested email me.
This is my first time to send an e-mail that is not job related, so please let me know if I am doing
something wrong, I really miss spell check! I am from Texas and have two gorgeous girls that are my
life. If they could see me now they would be laughing. I was looking into a new car on AOL when I
decided to play around and found you!
Well I better be going, but please keep that zest for life and I hope you fine the right man. You seem
like a special person!
Hello from Philadelphia….please read my profile!
I am a Bifem who likes bondage in the Philadelphia area. We have AOL pool parties regularly at our
house, as well as go to couples clubs and bondage clubs in Nyc.
Please email me if you would like to meet, or come to our parties.
Ciao Bella!
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Dear Lady:
I saw your AD, on AOL. And I interest to begin a friendly relation
I have 45 yrs, old, divorced, educated and I lovely, sincere and
I like the outdoors activities. I located in Bayonne, NJ, please give your location, I think the distance is
no problem when the heart is knock for somethings, Thank you for your response
Lovely.
Hi my name is Jamie, I live in N.H. on the ocean. Iam 6’ blue eyes, 185lbs, great shape. I am 45
years old. Love to travel, music, walk the beach and hike in the mountains. I am very financially
secure and told Im handsome with a cute butt. If interested I will send you a picture. Hope to hear
from you, you look like a beautiful person. Jamie
You are a knock out baby
Er…marry me? Hi, I’m Jerry. Nice pic. I may be too old, but thought I’d include a photo. Have a nice
weekend.
Jerry
Manhattan…Oh…47
I’m 5’91/2..a solid 190..and play a tremendous amount of sports so no I am not a fat slob..lol. I take
pride in how I look. I hope you are not a 400lb Richard Simmons model with a picture from a friend!
Hello: You have great eyes and a beautiful smile. I am tall, handsome, rich and charismatic. Let’s get
married. Matthew
Hi, my name is Dennis. You are quite the woman. I admire a woman who is self defined who doesn’t
measure her self worth by her husband/boyfriends accomplishments. You don’t do you….just kidding!
I live in the sticks in Albany. A long way from you. I have a 15 year old daughter and a son who is 13.
You are “The Bomb”. If you don’t know what that means, just ask your daughter.
TTFN
Oh my you are adorable!! Hav’nt I seen you on a magazine at the check out counter? Have fun ron
A toothpaste commercial, right? Whatta smile.
I’M A PILOT IN NY, I HAVE MY OWN PLANE AND LIKE TO TRAVEL
You sound sooooooooooo cool and did I mention your great face. Hey have anymore pics? If you can
get past the axe murder (never convicted) thing im sure you would find me to be a great guy. Heres a
pic.
Hi Sexy,
Will u b my Valentine? I'm short, fat, bald, and Coyote ugly...like George Costanza...lol. Just kidding
... Actually I'm cute, adorable, Sexy, and funny (kinda like Seinfeld... but cuter & sexier).
Here's my profile if u'd like to look it over, but please check out the pict I attached.
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Have a Wonderful day!!
Warm Regards, Jonathan
I am 49 going on 12
Very athletic, not good, just try hard
ROLLER BLADE, NOT WELL, SKI , WHITE WATER RAFTING, RUNNER, INTO BICYCLE ETC
I am 5’8” tall 185, all my hair, silver, eyes hazel
Great shape
Work out 3-4 times a week
Told I look like Richard dreyfus
Natural born troublemaker
If interested, please reply
Thanx
alex
IF THIS LOOKS INTERESTING, CHECK OUT THE PIC
st
Hi my name is Jim im sorry to bother you but I had to tell you something. 1 let me say this is not a
come on letter in fact you don’t even have to email me back ill understand. Im a 42 year old married
male with a 12 year old daughter. So your saying why is this guy writing me.Well I have this bad habit
of telling the truth. You see I like to read the profiles on this when my wife is out spending my money
LOL. So when I came to yours I was taken back by your honesty. There are som many fakes and
liars on aol it was so nice to see a good person for a change. Well I took up to much of your time
already but you know when there are times when you have to do something and you don’t know why.
th
Well this was one for me. I hope what ever you want in life you get. Have a happy and safe 4 of July
Ps your also very beautiful (there I go again im sorry). Jim
I was thinkin’…If your dream house has a view of the water from every room the place is probably
flooded! Drop me a line, Adam
Pressed a couple of keys and there you were..Cool. Fire Lieut. in Ct. would like to meet…Think you’ll
be pleasantly surprised..Wait to hear!!!
Hello I have a friend who is looking for someone as beautiful as you.
If you are single and interested please give me your phone # so he could give you a call. His name is
Charle.
A man using the member name, NiceJewishBoy wrote:
“ hey cutie….seeking fun bed buddy…more? Don’t know..nice smile….tod”
I wonder what Tod’s Mom would think of this?
hey there…saw your ad…you don’t suck!!…swm/39 radio announcer in Ct…where are you?
Is that really a pic. Of u or did u forget to take the pic. Out when u bought the frame? Well how about
a ride on the bike this weekend, I work in nyc, live in Westchester county
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Meowwwwwwwwwwwwww yes you are
Hi, my name is Mel and a 42-year-old
Australian living in Brisbane. This is a bit
Likr fishing, so please don’t be offended if
You don’t like the bate as we all have different
Taste’s And that’s why “ life is like a box
Of chocolates’s – you never know what your
Going to get” I have blue
Eyes and dark hair and a bit overweight.
I’m 190cm tall and I don’t have a wooden
Leg or glass eye. I’m self-employed and also
Have a small Tourism business that does river
Cruise’s at night and incorporates crocodile sight seeing.
I am a fun person to be around and enjoy the
Nicer things in life. I like watching movies, fine food
And an erotic Lady. I believe that honesty is
Paramount even if the truth hurt’s at time. I can
Accept criticism. I have two children a son 19 and
A daugher 17. I want to know the intermit person, what
Turns you on, as I get pleasure from giving pleasure.
(I’m not merve the perv so don’t be offended, how honest
Can you be.)
You didn’t mention airplanes in your ad. Would you be interested?
Kenny
Wow! I think I’m in love! Tell me you feel the same way!
what’s up?
Paul
would you maybe show me around new york sometime?
I find you very attractive. Are you, by chance, attracted to women? Do you have any additional photos
of yourself?
Nikki
I’lll skip the cheesey lines and just start out with hello.
wow you look like a young Victoria principle my name is George I’m 35 from staten island ny single
professional e-mail!
you look like Marla Thomas “That Girl”
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For sure I an the right man.. funny attractive exciting loving affectionate intelligent and much more
peter
We’ve got to meet!
30’s/6ft/210(fit)lbs/Italian/Entertainer
Nice to meet you…….=-)
Spencer
19/M here from Brooklyn, wondering if you would be interested in having me as your sex slave(no
really I’m serious, goodlooking to)so if your interested drop me an email =) hope to here from you.
Call me if you like sexy man!! Let’s get wild baby!!!
Wow, you and me are alike, im very open minded, defenetly a thrill seeker, if it can make my heart
throb ill try it, I ride a harley as well, have a speed boat, im 37 years old, the only bad thing is ive
never been married and do seek a child possibly in life, who knows, anyway, if anything I could be a
great freand : 0, maybe more.
Italian/Jew, sounds confusing. I am Italian, irish and German. Parents are Lutheran, raised me
Catholic and My maternal Great Grandmother was Jewish. Go figure.
I’m a transplanted New Yorker who escaped 8 years ago. Had a business, a home, a bota and what
some called a good life. Wasn’t enough. Sold out the biz, the boat, etc., moved to Illinois for a job.
Here ever since…..Been there, done that.
Liked your ad. You seem like quite a handful though. I wonder if we wouldn’t be too much type A
together. Could reach critical mass. : 0)
Anyway, here are my pic’s. I come to NY regularly. Still have family in Glendale, NY and NJ & CT. If
you think you’d like to meet, I think we’d probably fall in love at first sight.
When your are ready to see the Ricky Mtns. off the back of a bike, you just let me know!
Aren’t you ready to thaw out in Florida...yet ??? I liked your profile alot.
If you like mine...please let me know! Sweet Dreams !!!
Here’s one of my all-time favorites…
Hello!
My name is Randy and I’m 38 Divorced and have two beautiful little Girls. I see that you are in the
Fashion Business. I use to have a clothing company in Bali, Indonesia. This picture of me was taken
out at the Magic Show in Las Vegas. I love to travel, listen to the blues (I play Guitar), Ju Jitsu,
Boating is definitely me, and most of all I love smoking big fat cigars with a special woman. I’ll jump
out of a plane for you anytime…with or without a parachute! I love to laugh and most of all I love
making people laugh. I gotta warn you upfront…I’m a handful. Definitely a few cowboys short of a
rodeo. On thing though…you’ll never get board with me. I’m looking for someone who’s as
spontaneous as me. I’m looking for a partner in crime. Someone who I’m proud to have by my side.
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I hope to hear from you soon.
Randy
I love how he ends it he’s definitely “a few cowboys short of a rodeo”. Painting that crazy/bad boy
image that so many women (self included) tend to fall for.
Since 1998, I have received a vast assortment of e-mails/love letters as responses to my online
dating ads and profiles. In going back through my “archives” I made the decision to include in my
book, the more amusing and “classic” responses!
I would be doing my readers an injustice if I neglected to include e-mails received from the multitude
of wonderful, genuine and emotionally available men who have also written me. I’ve had my share of
“drive-bys” and of course there were a number I dated. When it comes right down to it, I am sure I
missed out on quite a few really quality men. Regrettably, I never got around to meeting the majority
of them (I mean the good guys)! It’s true that at times I was so overwhelmed at the velocity by which I
was receiving these e-mails. And aside from the fact that I used to sell advertising (so of course I
wrote myself up a great “Ad”) and take a pretty picture, the main reason why I believe I received so
man responses was that back in 1998, the ratio of men to women was more like 80/20, rather than
60/40 of what it is today. And it is no lie when I say I received over 5,000 responses to my personal
ads throughout the years. So because I was often overwhelmed, I often had difficulty with the “followthrough”. Don’t let this happen to you!
The main purpose of the Cyber-Dating Guru’s Guide to Online Dating is to help you learn from my
experiences to ensure that your online dating journey is a fun and pleasurable one. Remember, “The
Joy is in the Journey and not the Destination!”
If you receive a few e-mail responses from men or women of superior quality, be sure to concentrate
on them, give them the attention they deserve and…follow through! (Don’t make the same mistakes I
did!)
Following is just a small sampling of “quality” e-mails I’ve received from some really “quality”
(so it seems) men. I’ll leave it for you to decipher who I may have met (or dated) and some
who, unfortunately I let “slip through the cracks”.
I am a self employed structural engineer, father, dancer, windsurfer, pilot, gardener and hopeful
romantic. Wavy brown hair, hazel eyes, muscular build, quick wit, big smile and warm heart are some
of my more endearing features. I like to dine in an open café, sing in a closed shower, relax with a
beautiful woman in a hot tub under a harvest moon, dance until dawn and make my dreams come
true.
I am happy with who I am, looking forward to who I am becoming and look kindly upon who I’ve been.
If I am the sort of man who you find attractive, provocative or just fun to be with than write me a note
and tell me what makes your heart sing and your soul sigh.
Pic attached. Yours is a must
A prince still under construction,
William
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Hi There
You are absolutely stunning. If you are open minded, I have attached my profile and would gladly
forward photo’s. Nothing to lose.
Kenney
I am a very settled & mature man. I love the outdoors especially the water, I own a boat and love to
fish. I have a wonderful daughter & son,and our realationships are great. I have a beautiful
contemporary home on 8-acres in the country,and it stays clean. I consider myself to be very
spiritually & emotionally fit. I also love to work out 3-4 days a week. I am better than average in selfesteem, common sense,motivation,determination, & integritity.I am warm & sensitive, and
reasonabally happy most of the time. I have a great peacefull, simple life. I am truly blessed, and
would to find somone to share some time and see what happens.I have a lot to offer the right woman.
Quite impressive……….i’m 38 years old Italian healthy wealthy wise safe sane sincere educated
attractive very real & lots of fun, 5-9” 175lbs dark hair blue eyes
Live on long islands goald coast north shore with lots of fun toys to share……
sound interesting ? reply to _______ & I’ll enclose a photo……..
you wont be disappointed……….let me treat you like a lady & spoil you the way you
deserve……….awaiting your reply.
Prince JD
Hello my name is Dennis. I realy liked your personal and the picture was cute. Well its not easy to tell
someone all about yourself in such a little space. Well here goes.I am 6-1 with brown hair and blue
eyes and weigh 205 lbs.I am 44 years old. My friends would tell you I look and act much younger.I am
easy going and have a very positive personality.I love to do just about anything. From dinning out to
dancing and going to movies.but my real passion is traveling and spending time on my boat.I ofton
travel to FL.and next year I plan on leaveing my boat in the Tampa area.I live in Indianapolis Indiana
where I have a commercial roofing co.I am romantic love to hold hands cuddle and with that special
person long kisses. Still looking for that oh baby baby feeling. I would like to find my last love.I like
being around children so that would be a plus.I am sending a picture. It was taken at this years
Halloween party. I was tool time taylor.
Like the hard hat? Ha ha. I will try to keep this short. I am sure had lots of responces. I would love to
hear more about you too. Have a great day. Look forward to talking with soon. sin. Dennis
I just read your ad & wanted to respond…..So…..if you’re not gobbled-up yet & still available, I hope
you read on…..: )
I’m a yong 50, br/gr, 6 ft, 200, w/a muscular/athletic build. I like to keep fit, enjoy working out,
although time doesn’t always permit it……: )
I was born in Hungary and live in Bayside. I’ve been divorced for about 10 years and have 2 grown
kids, 22 & 24.
I’m catholic (even survived 12 yrs. Of catholic education…..: )
I love the city life (especially comedy clubs….I love to laugh), Broadway shows, the excitement. I also
love the country. I have a summer home upstate that I try to get to as often as possible. I love horses,
dogs, cooking (w/someone w/me in the kitchen is very nice….: ), dancing (especially salsa, swing &
hustle), the sun, beach, long drives in a classic corvette (with the music loud…:), Love to get dressed
to the nines when we go out on the town or just as comfortable in shorts & tank top watching a
blockbuster movie at home….:). Enjoy cold nights in front of an open fire & quiet times w/someone
very special…..
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I guess I’m just looking for someone that share the same interests as I do. Someone that’s honest,
has a great sense of humor, considerate, very attractive, personable, down to earth. Someone that
feels as comfortable in heels & a dress as she does in sneakers & jeans & isn’t offended by being
spoiled once in a while…..:)
So,,,,if any of this makes any sense to you & you’d like to talk, so would I…..:)
Hope to hear from you soon!
Have a great day!
Anthony
Hi, What a GREAT smile and mischevious look...very attractive. Reading your profile, it seems we
would have alot in common. Harley, kayaking, boating, camping, photography, cigar bars and good
blues, working out, Stevie Ray AND his brother Jimmy, I can appreciate the hip-hop thing with a 13
year old son, and last but certainly not least the fact that you'd rather fly solo than settle...me too! But
alas there's one big problem, I'm in the Phoenix, AZ area. I was very taken by your smile and your
description of some of the things that are important to you. Take care and best of luck...never settle! (I
don't think you will) Tony
After an exchange of a few introductory e-mails, my classic and customary response would usually
be: “So far, it looks good on paper! Why don’t we exchange numbers to see if we’re “telephonically
compatible?”
WOW!
I wonder where all these men are today?
This chapter REALLY deserves to be a book in itself and maybe someday it will; there are still
approximately another 4,900 others to choose from.
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21. MY ORIGINAL ONLINE DATING AD
Here’s my first Online Personal Ad from 1998, when I first began Cyber-Dating
Vivacious and Sexy Mother of One I.S.O. a Man who knows how to have Fun!!!
40 (look 35) SWF, seeking 35 to 50 (must be a young 50) year old male for LTR.
Enthusiastic, adventurous, upbeat, positive personality. Favorite quote: “Yesterday is History,
Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a Gift –which is why they call it The Present”.
There are never enough hours in the day or days in the week to do the things I like to do….Love the
beach, boating, biking, baking, camping, playing ping-pong, piano lessons, riding on back of Harleys,
roller-blading, running, sketching, traveling, you name it! If you are physically, mentally and spiritually
fit and think you can keep this smile on my face, please write! You must be financially stable. Hair and
Glasses optional.
As you may have read between the lines, my life with my 12 year old son is GREAT. If you truly
believe you can further enhance it, give it a shot. Have been somewhat-commitment phobic in the
past (previously attracted to the “Bad boy, Outlaw” type). Been there, done that! (However,
reformed/former bad boys may apply!)
The photo I attached to my ad is the one on the cover of my first book, “The Cyber-Dating
Guru’s Guide to Online Dating”.
And finally two of the most amusing responses to my online personal ad…
One man responded to my Personal Ad by writing:
TELL ME DO U HAVE ENOUGH HOBBIES??????
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And another wrote:
I just have to know….what type of woman lists her hobbies in alphabetical order?
If they only knew….
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CONTACT THE CYBER-DATING GURU
The Cyber-Dating Guru can be followed at
twitter @12StepMatch
And, has a blog
at
TheOriginalCyberDatingGuru.com
Email any questions or comments to
[email protected]
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