Blog Folly, Day 92: The First Day

Transcription

Blog Folly, Day 92: The First Day
January 1st, 2011
One of the things I used to love about reading Homer, especially “The Odyssey,” was the sense that the
world was brand new. Uncharted island after uncharted island, and each of them so clean and new it
might have been the first day.
Beginnings have their own enchantment. Miranda, in “The Tempest,” looks at the first people she’s
seen (other than her father) since infancy, and says, “O brave new world/that has such people in’t.” She
is, of course, looking at the very people responsible for casting her and Prospero away on the island to
begin with, and her father’s response is one of the greatest pieces of under-writing I know. He says,
“‘Tis new to thee.”
2011 is, of course, an illusion, a convention. It’s the same ragged world it was yesterday. It’s new only
in the sense that we’ve agreed informally to see it so. And the same is true of our lives. We woke up
this morning in the same tangle we were in when we went to bed last night.
But, like Miranda, we can look at it on New Year’s Day and think, O brave new world.
And that’s a beginning.
(And in honor of the new year, I’ve given this project a new title. I’m wide open to alternate
suggestions.)
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9 Responses to “Blog Folly, Day 92: The First Day”
1. Phil Hanson Says:
January 1st, 2011 at 12:38 pm
“I’m wide open to alternate suggestions.”
No! No, we’re good on the name change. What surprises me is that you didn’t do
it sooner.
Happy New Year, Tim, Munyin, and all the readers of Tim’s blog.
2. Beth Says:
Folly??
: lack of good sense or normal prudence and foresight?
a foolish act or idea?
I can understand that you feel the definition applies when you have to fulfill the
commitment you made to the readers of this blog. But I very much doubt that any
of us who read it daily think of it as foolish. It is interesting, informative, and
funny.
Perhaps you should label it “The Grand Plan Blog”. After 365 days of Tim
Hallinan’s great writing, those who have followed it will be rushing to Amazon to
purchase all those JuniorBenderPokeRoseSimeon ebooks so we can continue the
daily fix.
If we run out of new Hallinan writings, I, for one, am happy to reread. I’ve been
doing that anyway.
3. Lil Gluckstern Says:
I like the new title-I thought of the folly that is in a garden, flowers and bushes,
surrounding a building of some kind-whose only function is to provide respite
from the world. I also like your images of discovery which is probably what
makes life the adventure it is. I’m glad that you have at least one recognition that
Queen was a great novel. It certainly felt like that to me. Perhaps, that’s why
Childs’ book felt so “spare” to me; I did enjoy it. But I won’t seek it out. This is
truly a matter of personal taste, and what I enjoy reading. I am not reading only
Hallinan, what will I do when I run out? I am not as good at re-reading as others.
Besides, I just on impulse ordered “The Recognitions” which should keep me
busy for a while. Maybe you could speak more about that book in some future
blog?
4. Debbi Says:
5. Laren Bright Says:
A Blog for All Seasons?
Fun with Blogging?
Blogberry?
H. & R. Blog?
Writer’s Blog?
A Sure Cure for Writer’s Blog?
The Hallinan Post?
Running Out of Tim?
Tim’s Running Out?
The Tim Machine?
The Frozen Blogger (You have to be a 60′s folkie to get that one.)
The Bloghead?
The Blogapalooza?
The Daily Tim?
Timsanity?
Timly Musings?
Priming the Pump?
That’s all (for now) folks!
6. Robb Royer Says:
I don’t know about any of the rest of you but I’ll never run out of Hallinan
because he writes faster than I can read.
7. Suzanna Says:
January 2nd, 2011 at 10:23 am
Hi, Tim
Yes, I think you’re right to rename your blog because Blog Folly is slightly less
self-deprecating than The 365 Stupid Project so that’s the spirit. Does it also imply
that the blog will go beyond 365 days? Just wondering, no pressure or anything.
8. Timothy Hallinan Says:
One last time — HAPPY 2011, everyone.
Phil, from what I’ve heard, both here and on e-mail, the new name didn’t get
people running for their chisels so they could inscribe it in stone. So I’m looking
at a bunch of suggestions, including Beth’s, Debbi’s and Laren’s above.
Beth, both definitions of “folly” apply precisely. That’s sort of the direction I was
going in. I also liked the (woohooo) assonance of the two “o” sounds. But the
people have spoken and I, as their leader, must follow.
Lil, I liked it, too, but you and I seem to be alone in the world, if you don’t count
Phil, who never liked the first title. And thanks for calling QUEEN “great.” I
could definitely use more of that. I hope you like THE RECOGNITIONS. Gaddis
can be dense and sometimes infuriating, but it’s a truly great novel. It’s about God
and art forgery (of religious art, but also of virtually everything, and I suppose one
of the questions underlying it is, If God made humankind in his image and
likeness, is is possible we’re a forgery?
Let me know how you get on with the book.
Debbi — that’s a great title. “Blog Odyssey” even maintains the assonance I liked
in “Blog Folly.” I’m just nervous that people will think this is a serious enterprise
instead of something I’m doing basically for fun.
Laren: You’re the brainstorm champion of the world. I love “Priming the Pump”
(and so does Munyin) because that actually was why I started this whole thing,
and it still gets my fingers moving in the morning.
Robb, I only wish I wrote five or six times faster. I look at all the books I want to
write and then I look at the time each takes, and I despair. Well, maybe “despair”
is overdramatic. But I get a little ootsy.
9. EverettK Says:
January 2nd, 2011 at 9:06 pm
Robb: It helps if you don’t move your lips…
Tim: Don’t despair about having too much to write and not enough time. Just
consider it to be “job security!”
The Untitled Blog Marathon, Day 93: Honeyed Words
January 2nd, 2011
T.S. Eliot said that cellardoor was the most beautiful English word.
This kind of startled me when I read it a few years back because, (a) I always thought it was two words,
and (b) independently of Mr. Eliot, I had privately decided that the most beautiful word in English was
celadon, which denotes a pale jade-green glaze used on ancient Chinese and Korean pottery. Old T.S.
and me, I thought: two of a kind.
And now someone calling himself Dr. Robert Beard has had the temerity to identify the 100 most
beautiful words in the English language. I’m not going to list all of them here, but here’s a link to the
whole shebang.
Dr. Beard qualifies as a Wordie; he wrote the “Word of the Day” feature at yourdictionary.com for five
years (and I think I’m obsessive) and has otherwise proved himself a guy who could probably spot an
escaped syllable at forty paces in a thick fog.
His list has some real peaches on it. Felicity, ethereal, dalliance, ephemeral, dissemble, labyrinthine,
ineffable, ingénue, lassitude (a real dilly), insouciance, a bunch of others. Kind of long on the eh
sounds and Ls, but those are mellifluent, which is not on the list, although mellifluous is. Mellifluous is
more commonly used, but mellifluent beats its pants off for beauty.
But then there are words on the list that are, well Words. Mondegreen, for example, is not a term one
tosses around frequently, and the definition is worse than the word: “A slip of the ear.” Okay, so you
say “potato” and I hear “tomato.” is that a mondegreen? Well, I say it’s bad hearing and I say the hell
with it.
Or riparian, meaning on the bank of a stream. Go ahead, use it in a sentence that doesn’t make you
look like a pratt. Or palimpsest, a manuscript that’s written over another manuscript (and is frequently
used to refer to the manuscript beneath). Okay, it’s got a beautiful meaning, but I don’t hear it as a
beautiful word.
What would you suggest? Remember, the meaning doesn’t matter. I’d go for silicon and effluent (talk
about a bad meaning) and imperious and elementary and illuminate, for starters. You?
Oh, and a stray thought. We all like food, right? Will anyone who doesn’t like food raise a hand? All
right, Donnie, you can conjugate Croation verbs during lunch. So how come so many of the words
related to food are so ugly? Food, for example. Eat. Lunch. Grub, for Christ’s sake. Chow.
Snack?!?!? Those are some seriously ugly words, and I’m just getting started.
Finally, reaction to “Blog Folly” suggests strongly that we need a new name. I’m reviewing your
suggestions, which are excellent.
I think that’s it. Any other pieces of business? Is anybody going near the shoemaker?
This entry was posted on Sunday, January 2nd, 2011 at 10:39 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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20 Responses to “The Untitled Blog Marathon, Day 93: Honeyed
Words”
1. Suzanna Says:
Romantic languages have great words for eating: mangiare, comer, manger.
Why not risk a few sideways glances and use one of those lovely words instead?
One beautiful word comes to mind: lyrical.
Not sure if that was a serious question but I’ll answer anyway, I am not going to
the shoemaker, but I am very jealous that the best shoe repair guy ever has a shop
in your town on Montana and Fourth. Angelo’s Shoe Repair. Great work.
2. Peg Brantley Says:
I think when it comes to food, we should all speak French. I wonder what the
French word is for ‘snack.’
Oh . . . riparian. Funny about that definition. My sister lives in Tucson and she
kept talking about how their home backs to a riparian. I had to look that word up
twelve times before I decided it’s some new real estate code word in the desert for
Open Space.
As a rather anal person, I have a folder on my computer that is for words. Here are
two of my favorites:
Crepuscular (awful sounding, isn’t it? But used in the right way in a suspense
novel? . . . ) it means of or resembling twilight. Dim. Seems like you could elicit a
couple of goosebumps with that one word.
Susurrous. To me it sounds like what it means . . . full of whispering sounds.
Every day words? I like pollywog.
3. Gary Says:
The short ugly words are usually the ones with an Anglo-Saxon origin. If you
excise those, you’ve removed most of the ugliness from English and most of the
coarseness as well. I guess being covered in woad and wearing skins did
encourage people to grunt.
No one for frangible? I like frangible.
Hey there, word-lovers.
Zanna, between you and Gary, I feel delivered from the food=ugly word
syndrome. Go Latinate and avoid Anglo-Saxonisms. By the way, Gary, “being
covered in woad and wearing skins did encourage people to grunt” is a great
sequence of words. Mange, mange. (And yes, Suzanna, that’s the shoe guy I
meant.)
Peg, French for “snack” is le snack. And “crepuscular” is a truly dreadful word.
Another one I like in that general neighborhood (of meaning, anyway) is
“tenebrous.”
“Sussurous” is magic. (So is “Mississippi.”) And pollywog is like a stand-up
comic.
Gary, frangible is a four-star word, although its most contemporary meaning, for
bullets that break apart in the body, has changed the way I look at it.
I just wrote a short paragraph for Madison that’s about words and here it is: “What
in the world was he doing down there? Why had he needed her keys if the car was
out of gas? Was he going to siphon gas out of their cars? What would he use as a
siphon? What, exactly, was a siphon? There ought to be a word, she thought, a
group noun describing things you accepted as real even though you had no idea
what they were.”
I love writing this character.
5. Gary Says:
Ouch! If that’s frangible’s most contemporary meaning, I don’t like it either.
So let’s all go with Peg and vote for sussurous. Why, even describing it is
beautiful. It’s… onomatopoeic!
I like frangible anyway. It really should be an ice cream flavor.
And names . . . I love saying Christiane Amanpour.
Happy New Year, everyone. Hope you know enough to stand out of the way when
everything is going great.
7. sharai Says:
This is how much I love this blog! Whatever you decide to call it, I call it sublime.
I’ve been cut off from my phone line for weeks now and when I finally get to an
internet connection (which is a huge effort when you live in the mountains) what’s
the first thing I go to after my email? No matter my mood, this spot always has a
positive effect on me.
Sometimes cognizant, sometimes subliminal.
But speaking of Madison: she really got a hold of me with that bit about the
screen door and her Achilles heal. I’m in love with her too and I hardly even know
her!
8. Gary Says:
Oops, sorry. It’s susurrous.
9. Debbi Says:
I’ve always liked the sound of “riparian,” because it sounds so … ripe.
And I rather like the sound of “usurious,” even though it isn’t a very nice quality.
10.Lil Gluckstern Says:
I love words, and agree with Susanna about French and Italian-and spanish word
being somehow more lovely. If you got Tim’s link, there is the list of beautiful
words and also the funniest words-Now crepuscular might fit in there. Madison
sounds delightful, and she is right about things that you know nothing aboutmakes it ok.
11.Peg Brantley Says:
Well, that would be my goof, Gary. Sheesh.
12.Bonnie Says:
I told my old torts professor that I loved to say “Ho sbagliato” when I was in Italy.
He told our crim law prof, Dicci, and he said, “I don’t know what it is, but I want
some in a sandwich.”
13.Timothy Hallinan Says:
I wouldn’t stand a chance at Scrabble with this bunch.
Gary, “onomatopoeia” is on the guy’s list. Aaaahhhh. It’s okay. But if you want a
word with that general sound and you’re really capable of divorcing the word’s
beauty from its meaning, gonorrhea is a much more beautiful word, I think.
Peg, frangible ice cream would have to have chips. Maybe vanilla with tangerine
chips. Jeez, that sounds good. And names, sure: Stephane Mallarme, the symbolist
poet, or my new favorite collection of syllables, Volokhonsky, one of the
translators of the edition of War and Peace I finished reading this morning.
Whadda name.
Welcome back, Sharai. I’ve missed you. I was hoping your mountain hadn’t come
down in the rain. Thanks for making this place an early stop. And I love Madison.
I’ve finally got her and Simeon together and the problem is that I like her more
than I like him. Maybe it’s not a problem. This is going to be, on one level,
anyway, an impossible love story. Maybe it’s writing itself exactly right.
Hi, Debbi — I’m with you on “usurious.” I like “pecuniary,” too. There aren’t
many “f” words, either on his list or suggested here. I like fallacy.
Lil, the Romance languages have it all over us. I mean, just look at the mouths of
French women — Jeanne Moreau or Leslie Caron, to pick two. Those mouths
were shaped by the language. Well, maybe not. But it’s a nice fancy.
And talk about not euphonious — my Captcha id Preenday Dooley
Bonnie — when you’ve finished making the sandwich, can I have an orange tort?
15.Robb Royer Says:
January 3rd, 2011 at 8:27 am
Mad likes ‘however’.
Hi, Robb — I probably should clarify that “Mad likes” is not new slang (“I mad
like that shirt”) but rather Robb’s wife’s nickname (Maddy or Mad) and a verb.
I like however, too. I think that’s the first “V” sound anyone’s suggested.
January 3rd, 2011 at 3:38 pm
R-i-i-ight, Tim, it’s all about the language. But even the names in Romance
languages are beautiful…not the heavy thud of German and english.
One word I like that clearly has a Latin root is lollapalooza.
Or maybe not. But definitely not Germanic.
19.Larissa Says:
January 11th, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Favorite word though not for the sound: Maugre. Or Mauger however you prefer.
(c: Prettiness-wise, I think my vote is in for persimmon. It’s just fun. (c:
OOOOOOoooooooo, Riss. Persimmon. OF COURSE.
The Nameless Blog, Day 94: Keys to the Kingdom
January 3rd, 2011
How lucky can I be? I have the keys to the kingdom at hand.
One great thing about being a writer is that my office weighs about six pounds — seven and a half, if I
carry all my spare batteries — and all I need is a flat surface. I’ve written at home, on planes, in
libraries, restaurants, coffee shops, on park benches and in doctor’s offices. (Waiting in a doctor’s
office is great writing time because they’re always late and they’re too cheap to pop for wi-fi.)
And the keys are always available when I need them. When I’ve got some little cloud of anxiety (that
undifferentiated swarm of junk that Mel Brooks called the furlm) I can almost always enter into the
world of whatever book is happening to me and work through things just by playing with the
characters. Writing is the real Primal Therapy. It almost always works, and it has the additional
advantage of being free.
In fact, eventually, I get paid for my therapy.
It amazes me that something as easy to manipulate as a keyboard is the bridge between my imagination
and the page. How convenient can it be? I know that every single aspect of the process is actually
massively complicated — the workings of the imagination, the transformation of whatever I’m
imagining (sounds, smells, wishes, places, people, things, fears, menace, reward, etc etc etc) into
words, the reduction of the words into letters and the identification of the letters with locations on the
keyboard and the electronics that turn the taps on the keys into a digital approximation of whatever
imaginings prompted the whole process. But the genius of the mind (or, in this case, a whole bunch of
minds, working over time just as precisely as they did to create the piano) is that it all feels simple.
Idea-words-keyboard-page. Review it and move on. After a certain amount of time, there’s (usually) a
book. Or a poem or a letter or a last will and testament.
Shakespeare would have loved the keyboard, although I’m not sure he’d have been fond of Word.
By the way, the typewriter at the top of the page is the Royal Typewriter Investigative Report Writer,
designed for the secretaries of police and private eyes. Investigative reports (it says here) had to be
perfectly typed, and in an age when even a single mistake meant redoing the whole page and all the
carbons, a problem arose: expert typists would get up to speed and make mistakes. So this typewriter
was intentionally designed to turn even a keyboard Paganini into a hunt-and-peck duffer by a very
simple means. They moved a few of the the keys. The idea was that typists would have to find each
letter, thereby slowing them down and reducing mistakes.
The design didn’t fly, but they sure picked a pretty color, didn’t they?
In parting, here’s something interesting to those of us who spend a lot of time on the keyboard. This
demonstrates the frequency of use of each key on the modern QWERTY layout.
Glad I don’t have to visualize this when I’m writing.
This entry was posted on Monday, January 3rd, 2011 at 11:49 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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9 Responses to “The Nameless Blog, Day 94: Keys to the Kingdom”
1. Suzanna Says:
Hi, Tim
I think you are very fortunate that your work only requires a keyboard to make it
happen but then, wait, aren’t there some other essential technolgical advances that
you require to keep your imagination moving and your work flowing properly?
Pardon me while I take a more detailed accounting of some of the other keys to
your kingdom.
There’s your library of books, and your Kindle. After all, as I’ve heard you say
before, all great writers are great readers.
As well as your need for a massive music collection to inspire your imagination,
so your iPod must be added onto your list of technological wonders.
And then of course your travel to Asia should be factored in as well. How would
the Poke series have actualized without you having lived in Asia?
So would that mean you are dependent on jumbo jets too? Geez this is getting
complicated.
Then there’s your Garmin, was it Doris or Dorothy, I forget, who guided and
nearly got you killed on your book tour?
Okay, I’ll put a cap on it now.
This is what happens when I fall off the tea only wagon and slip back to coffee.
sorry.
2. Gary Says:
Your mention of Shakespeare using Word and your “In parting” made me wonder:
How much has our language changed?
In 1903, Conan Doyle wrote: “E is the most common letter in the English
alphabet… Speaking roughly, T, A, O, I, N, S, H, R, D, and L are the numerical
order in which letters occur; but T, A, O, and I are very nearly abreast of each
other…” But when you examine that keyboard diagram you find that there’s been
a noticeable shift in just a hundred years. T is now well ahead of A and O, and S
has edged ahead of I to rival A.
Tis This Tbecause Tmodern Tkeyboards Tinsert Too Tmany Ts Tinto Tour
Twriting?
Wasn’t there some writer who insisted he wrote all his books on a Royal? The
only issue is that we are so-o-o dependent on electricity to charge all that stuff.
During a recent power outage, I re-discovered how much. I could read by
flashlight, but not do much else. (Aw). Thanks for the mind bender, Gary. It kept
me awake. Long day.
4. Gary Says:
Lil: my laptop has a cute little spotlight at the top of the screen, that can be
switched on to illuminate the keyboard in total darkness. So I can still hunt and
peck through the first 4 or 5 hours of an outage.
After that it’s back to the stone age.
5. fairyhedgehog Says:
January 4th, 2011 at 7:11 am
I’m so glad we have keyboards these days and that I had the Mavis Beacon
program so that I can touch type. When I was at school I refused to learn to type,
because at that time women who could type were all employed as secretaries. I’m
glad I eventually learnt.
Quite a long time after I was fluent on QWERTY I tried the Dvorak keyboard and
stayed with it until I was nearly up to my QWERTY speed on it. It’s supposed to
be kinder to your fingers and wrists but I found it gave my right little finger far
too much of a workout, plus it’s rubbish when you use anyone else’s machine. So
I changed back.
QWERTY really isn’t ideal, but getting everyone to change to something better
would be a real pain, even if we could all agree on what a better layout would be.
I wouldn’t want to go back to writing with a pen and paper though. That’s far
harder, especially when I’m tired and my scrawl is illegible even to me. And
there’s no backspace key!
Well, golly, what a group has gathered.
Susanna, thank you for blowing to pieces my nice, comfortable little illusion
about the keyboard. You’re right, of course — I should factor in mp3 files,
earphones, music players, jet planes, the incandescent bulb, flu shots, other books
and (ugh) other writers, Doris, MapQuest, British Petroleum, the imperialist swine
rubber growers of Malaysia, Bill Gates, the mountain of decaying lithium-ion
batteries burning a hole in the Earth’s surface, the Earth itself and all that in it
doth dwell. And you left out coffee. So: Mexican peasants, African agricultural
workers, roasters, the guys who make packages, Howard Schultz and everyone
else at Starbucks, the Chinese worker suffering from lead poisoning who glazed
my cup, and even more. If I were to stop writing, it suddenly occurs to me, the
world’s economic structure would collapse.
Gary — very interesting. I wonder whether it’s because of “the” and “it,” among
other very very frequently used words. Still, it’s not like either of these is a new
addition to the language; I mean, I’m sure they had “the” back when Arthur
Conan Doyle had a body temperature. Maybe Doyle was wrong? Without
computers, it’s kind of hard to see what how he determined that ranking.
Lil, I had a Royal (an electric) until IBM invented the Selectric, with the little ball.
I liked the Royal; it was a portable with its own little case (why don’t laptops
come with their own little case?) and it only weighed about half a ton, so you
could take it anywhere, as long as it was close and you had someone else to carry
your typewriter. I can’t even think about life without electricity, although the
possible lack of it is certainly a strong argument for paper books.
Gary (again) my computer has a light, too, but it misses the keyboard and gives
me a great view of my hands unless I tilt the screen so far forward I can barely see
what I’ve typed. (I’m basically a four-finger/one thumb typist and I make bokoo
mistakes.) NO ONE had better correct the spelling of “bokoo” and try to get back
in here without a recently renewed whimsy license.
FHH — MAVIS BEACON? As in MAVIS BEACON TEACHES TYPING? Isn’t
it amazing, the detritus the mind obediently stores against the extremely unlikely
moment when it will be necessary? You moved to a Dvorak keyboard, huh? That
would probably drive me to suicide. For me to be able to write at all, I can’t need
to give a moment’s thought to the mechanics of it. (This is exactly why I’ve never
switched to the Mac, and I don’t want to hear a bunch of suggestions about how to
get around the missing right-hand mouse button or the way the delete key works.)
Windows has me because I don’t want to have to pay any attention at all to the
process, so to speak, of word processing. I want to think directly onto the screen.
Nice responses, all.
7. EverettK Says:
Tim said: (I’m basically a four-finger/one thumb typist and I make bokoo
mistakes.)
Four fingers? Gute Gott, Man (if you can misspell words, I can be a whimsical
wise-ass, too), if you learned to type with all EIGHT fingers, you could write
twice as many books in a year!!!
Tray bone!
Windows! Created by idiots for idiots. What’s not to like?
Everett, I was told by my first (and actually only) writing teacher that learning to
type was the smartest thing I could do for my writing, and I didn’t listen. So at a
time like now, when I have to go back and correct a typo in every other word, I
really hate myself. What I need, though, is not twice as many active fingers but
twice as many active brain cells.
Phil, I know — we’re all so undemanding and sort of goofy together. Kind of like
Seattle minus the coffee.
Bloggo Incognito, Day 95: Ten Forever
January 3rd, 2011
A while back, we nominated songs for Hell’s Playlist. This time, let’s go in the other direction.
If you were given the tiniest iPod ever made — just big enough for ten pieces of music, and told it was
your audio companion for infinity up above the clouds, which ten would you choose, and why?
This is music that really needs shelf life, and it would also be nice if there were some variety. But it’s
your iPod — if you want Britney’s Ten Big Ones, feel free. Just don’t try to lend me your earphones.
So there should probably be a certain pretentiousness factor here, too — this should be stuff that you’re
comfortable letting other people listen to.
With no reflection at all, here’s my first pass at a celestial playlist.
Just Like Tom Thumb’s Blues, Bob Dylan — Because it’s the coolest song ever recorded and because
it contains the line, “‘Cause the cops don’t need you/and man, they expect the same.”
Brownsville Girl, Bob Dylan, because it’s the most persuasive epic song I ever heard.
Visions of Johanna, Bob Dylan, because it’s “Visions of Johanna.”
I know, that’s a lot of Dylan
Deep Blue, Arcade Fire, because I need Arcade Fire for eternity and this cut will remind me of my
favorite music of 2010, “The Suburbs.”
The Boy from Tupelo, Emmylou Harris, because for me she’s the greatest living American singer and
it’s either this one or The Pearl. Or maybe Boulder to Birmingham.
Everybody Knows This is Nowhere, Neil Young, because everything works all the way through.
Piano Concerto for the Left Hand, Maurice Ravel, demonic, beautiful, rhythmic
Violin Concerto in D, Beethoven, maybe my favorite piece of music on earth.
Symphony #7, Beethoven, also maybe my favorite piece of music on earth, or perhaps the “Emperor”
Concerto.
Latter Days, Over the Rhine, because it breaks my heart and I’ve written to it forever.
This is impossible. If I were to start over, at least six of these would be different. No way I’m letting
go of the Dylans or the Beethoven Violin Concerto.
Name a few you’d like to have with you.
This entry was posted on Monday, January 3rd, 2011 at 9:28 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
24 Responses to “Bloggo Incognito, Day 95: Ten Forever”
1. Gary Says:
I would probably load my iPod with Marvin Klotz’s poems. Because they
were promised by January 2 or 3!!
2. Bonnie Says:
No way I could stick with 10, but a start:
The trio (Marschallin, Octavian, Sophie) at the end of Rosenkavalier.
To the Moon by Dvorak.
Mir ist so wunderbar from Fidelio by Beethoven.
The duet between Pamina and Papageno in Zauberflöte.
Tenor duet from Pearlfishers by Bizet.
So what by Miles Davis.
The Same Situation by Joni Mitchell.
Army Dreamers by Kate Bush.
African Marketplace by Abdullah Ibrahim (formerly Dollar Brand).
Almost every song from the original LP of Hair.
But then, what about Beethoven’s Violin concerto? Or Mendelssohn’s? Or SaenSans? Or even Korngold’s? Or Mozart’s haunting and truncated mass? Or his
bassoon concerto? What about the songs from Trio (Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt,
and Emmylou Harris)? And all my beloved Heller chansons? That’s it, I must be
going to hell after all.
This is a bit like Desert Island Discs, only with two extra pieces of music and no
book or luxury! http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006qnmr
I’ve often thought what I’d take and my list would include:
Albatross by Fleetwood Mac. The first single I ever bought. (My taste went
downhill after that.)
Fields of Gold by Sting because it reminds me of my Beloved (aka my husband).
Beethoven’s Pastoral Symphony because it’s bright and cheerful and was probably
the first classical music I ever heard.
Che Gelida Manina from La Bohème because it reminds me of my Dad.
Am I allowed to play along on my clarinet? Because that greatly limits the
selection!
4. Robb Royer Says:
Okay, the gauntlet is on the floor is it? Think you can get an opinion out of RWR
do you? Here goes.
Love all the aforementioned Dylan (we prob’ly listened to Blonde on Blonde
1000 hours at the condo) but I’d still put ‘It’s all over now Baby Blue’ as no 1.
Sunshine of your love – my no. 1 guitar riff song
Dear Prudence – not even so much for the song but performance and
production… God
Ramble on – see above
The entire Rumors album, ditto Joshua Tree, ditto Peter Gabriel’s So – in fact
throw 80% of the white album
F**k it – add Sgt Pepper and Abby Road
Classical… Yes on the left hand. I probably heard that same time you did –
probably on the same stuff
Yes on Beethoven – in fact all symphonies after the 3rd omitting the 4th but I
have to rate the 9th over the 7th
Scheherezade, Steppes of Central Asia, Russian Easter Overture and
Tchaikovsky’s Pathetique – damn them Russians!
Have to end with Toccata and Fugue and Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring – the closest
musical approximations of God
One more – Rite of Spring
On singers – I nominate Shawn Colvin to give Emmy Lou a run for her money
There. i feel better. Don’t you?
What?! No Mozart?!
Im also in favor of Beethoven’s Pastorale. Maybe the William Tell Overture (HiYo Silver, Away optional).
6. barbara macdonald Says:
any gregorian chant
any classical guitar
any thing from Jacques Brel is alive and well
any thing from Edith Piaf
any thing from Joan Baez
any thing from the McGarrigle Sisters
most folk music
most sopranos – classical please
a fair bit of good old gospel music (this from an avowed unbeliever)
and throw in some Stompin’ Tom Connors
dam, just saw Emmy Lou mentioned, her too, which makes my 10 a little with a
bit of spillage
i couldn’t pare it down to 10 actual pieces of music, my mind would fizzle out!
7. Gary Says:
I saw “The Pearl Fishers” in Adelaide recently with a friend. “In the Depths of the
Temple” is the duet you mean, isn’t it, Bonnie? Beautiful!
Oh, FHH, I love “Fields of Gold”! (Is that the lash of Tim’s scorn I feel already?)
But in the version by the sadly short-lived Eva Cassidy.
8. Bonnie Says:
Gary, FHH: is that the one Michelle Kwan skated to in her last season or so?
9. Glenn W. Says:
Well, infinity or forever or eternity is a hell of a long time to have ten pieces on
my iPod.I can barely listen to the pieces I have during a half marathon. So the folk
music and jazz greats and protest songs of the 60s and 70s and all the other good
stuff in between won’t tide me over for ever and ever and ever. Thus I’ll have to
settle on the classical stuff….which is why “they” call it, “classical”. So here goes
my list, on my tiny iPod, upon whatever cloud I ultimately rest, for infinity.
1. The Requiems of Brahms, Mozart, and Faure. I’ll count them as one under the
classification of Choral Music.
2. Bach’s B Minor Mass.
3. Mozart’s Clarinet Concerto
4. Chopin’s Second Piano Concerto.
5. Beethoven’s Third and Fifth Piano Concertos. (I’ll count them as one unless the
heavenly hosts protest.)
6. Bach’s Cello Suites.
7. Rachmaninoff’s Second and Third Piano Concertos.(Again I’ll count them as
one selection unless my iPod is confiscated.)
8. At least a few selections from the Gregorian Chants. (I’m certain I’ll be
required to do a bit of meditating)
9. Brahms Piano Concerto.
10. Any of Mendelssohn’s Violin Concertos.
Tough to make these choices because for every one I chose, there are several that
could be just as acceptable. Perhaps as we move around and meet one another, we
could swap music. I’d be game.
Oops, I just reread your blog, Tim, and realized I hadn’t given a rationale why I
made the choices I did and, quite frankly, gave no thought about whether anyone
else would care to share my iPod. Maybe there’s a lesson to be learned from that,
while I’m still here on earth and have time to correct whatever flaw my ignoring
of your instructions reveals.
10.Bonnie Says:
I think when the website has been redone, we should work on adding a player to
the blog, Tim: wonder how much bandwidth it would eat up to let people upload
their favorite tunes? Maybe we could do it in rotation, somehow.
(I regard it as a sign of the soundness of this idea that my Captcha is “successive
adrilicy.”
11.Gary Says:
Or how about Mary Duff singing “The Cliffs of Dooneen,” a cappella from
beginning to end, with every note absolutely dead center and true?
My word, that’s hard to do. And I could listen to it for eternity!
12.Gary Says:
Yes, yes, Bonnie! Michelle Kwan skated to Eva Cassidy.
Lovely.
13.Suzanna Says:
If I had to pick ten for eternity (and I’m so happy this is only an IF) here they are
in no particular order.
SKY BLUE AND BLACK – Jackson Browne
LET’S STAY TOGETHER – Al Green
UP ON THE MOUNTAIN – Patty Griffin
INTERMEZZO, OPUS 118, No. 2 – Brahms
CELLO SUITE NO. 1 IN G MAJOR – Bach
SHOTGUN DOWN THE AVALANCHE – Shawn Colvin
PONCHO & LEFTY – Emmylou Harris
TANGLED UP IN BLUE – Bob Dylan
THE BOXER – Paul Simon
AMAN AMAN/NOUR EL KADHAR – The Yuval Ron Ensemble
OMG, as they say on Tumblr. I wrote an infinitely long response to the first five
or six of you this morning and — guess what> — it’s not here. I guess Captcha
flunked me and I moved on without registering it.
So.
Gary, aside from not commenting on how grumpy you are, the problem with
Marvin’s poems (even though I now know how to put them into a post) is that I
have to copy them line by line, and unlike the junk I write, Marvin’s poems
deserve to be treated carefully. So I’m doing it, but I can’t post it until they’re
finished.
Bonnie, lots of opera. I wish I knew more about opera, because I feel like I’m
missing a lot, I often think that the main reason to learn things is that it increases
the number of ways we can enjoy ourselves. Nice to see Miles get a vote, and I
CAN’T BELIEVE I didn’t include anything by Joni, although if I had to get it
down to one, it would probably be “River.”
FHH, looks like people like the “Pastorale” more than the Seventh, but I’ll stick
with the Seventh for the pure joy of it. Joshua Tree and the Seventh — whoo. My
Fleetwood Mac choice would be “Tusk” because I love it when the USC marching
band comes in, and you can play your clarinet all you want. (I’ve been listening to
Benny Goodman a lot lately.)
Robb has a special relationship with songs, since he’s sold millions of them and
won an Oscar for writing one, and we have some of the same musical DNA. We
explored a lot of music together, including “Blond on Blond” and the Ravel Left
Hand, and on the same fine, purely organic appreciation enhancers. Totally with
you, Robb, on most of it, and THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING SHAWN
COLVIN, one of the best singers (and songwriters) in the world. Can’t believe she
wasn’t on my list. Thanks also for introducing me to Rimsky-Korsakov, whom I
never would have listened to without you more or less forcing me to. But “Dear
Prudence”? I mean, I know you’re talking mainly about the production, but . . .
Oh, well. If I could have only one Beatles song, I suppose it would have to be “A
Day in the Life,” although I also like “For No One.”
Laren, Mozart for sure — for me, the “Jupiter” or the late quartets or the horn
concerti or Piano Concerto 21, the one made infmaous by “Elvira Madigan.” And
the Pastorale is definitely out ahead.
Will do more in a bit. I’ve been at this keyboard since my 16th birthday.
I am having trouble because I agree with most of you. Mozart, and Verdi
Requiems, also Pearl Fishers, and La Boheme (3rd Act if I have to choose).
Beethoven’s Ninth, just because, the 6th for a lighter mood. Rumors for sure,
Simon and Garfunkel’s Parsley, Sage…Now I get into murky territory, I can’t
imagine music without Wagner’s Walkure, and Renee Fleming singing anythingshe has covers of “popular music” called Dark Hope, really interesting. Too much
music to narrow it down, argh! I’ve often wondered about this. Fortunately, we
don’t have to, our electronic devices hold much more
Hi, barbara — The McGarrigles were wonderful, and Kate’s son, Rufus
Wainwright, is on the top of my personal list — if I were to do this list over, at
least one song from his CD “Want One” would be on it. Love Gregorian Chant,
love Piaf, love gospel. Who the hell is Stompin Tom Connors?
Wow, Gary, no kidding Eva Cassidy was short-lived — 33, according to
WikiPedia. And once again, your frame of reference leaves me speechless, and
there will be more on that below.
Great list, Glenn, and good to see Rachmaninoff, Brahms, and Mendelssohn all
make appearances. Not to mention the Bach Cello suites. Wonderful book came
out last year about the cello suites by a guy named Eric Siblin. Definitely worth a
read. You have a suspiciously high number of requiems (requia?) for someone
who’s going to be in heaven, though. And if I have my way in heaven, there will
be someone to do the meditating for me.
Bonnie LET’S DO IT. I want a player! And people can either upload or I can
simply dominate the musical conversation and put up all the music myself,
bwahahahaha.
Okay, back to Gary’s frame of reference. Mary who? The cliffs of what? Michelle
Kwan skated to Eva Cassidy? What strange universe is this in which people know
such things? Or is it only Gary? Is it an Aussie thing?
Whoa, Suzanna, not just Emmylou, but Emmylou singing Townes Van Zandt.
“Pancho and Lefty” is perfect in every way. Why didn’t I think of it? I could listen
to “Tangled Up in Blue” for eternity just to hear Dylan sing “Delacroix.” The rest
of the list isn’t exactly shabby, either, although if I were to choose a Paul Simon it
would probably be “Graceland.” Great choices.
Lil, if you think you’re having trouble, imagine responding to all these lists. Or
even just Gary’s. And what is it about the Sixth? I mean, it’s pretty and all, bur the
Seventh is ecstatic. And your love for Wagner seems to single you out. Of course,
I’m an opera illiterate.
Great stuff, all. I know!! Let’s have a hootenanny! Lil, you sing Wagner, Gary can
do the Cliff of Grooneen or whatever it was in falsetto, Suzie and I will harmonize
on “Pancho and Lefty,” Robb can play his greatest hits, and . . ,
17.Gary Says:
Timotty Hallinun!
All very well t’ talk abowt moi frehm o’ refrence. But phwat about yer own? Mary
Duff’s a foine fehmus Oirish singer. An’ t’ cliffs o Dooneen r t’ be fownd in
County Clare!
Oi’m ashehmd uv yu.
18.fairyhedgehog Says:
Losing everything you’ve put into a comment is frustrating. If you use Firefox,
Safari or Chrome browsers, you can install Lazarus http://lazarus.interclue.com/
and it will save what you’ve written – if your upload fails, a click or two will
restore all you’ve written.
I realise it can’t help when you’ve moved on from the page thinking all was well,
but it’s still useful a lot of the time.
19.EverettK Says:
Tim said: Bonnie LET’S DO IT. I want a player! And people can either upload or
I can simply dominate the musical conversation and put up all the music myself,
bwahahahaha.
I hate to be a wet blanket, but keep in mind that most of the music you’d like to
upload is copyrighted, and I’d hate to see Tim get in trouble with the RIAA. They
tend to get rabid over people distributing copyrighted music (which almost all of
it is, unless you have REALLY old 78s or CYLINDERS.
20.Bonnie Says:
I have a longer response about mostly opera that I’ll post on my lunch hour–
drafted it on the little netbook I keep by my bed and realized that was pointless
because I cannot see the Captcha text on it (linux/Firefox 3). But as to copyright,
I’m on that, Everett. We will have to limit ourselves to posting samples–perhaps
they can be a bit longer than those Amazon posts as teasers, and we can certainly
be conscientious about posting links to places you can purchase the music. I think
it is arguably “fair use” to post your favorite part of a song or symphony in order
to inspire your friends, however, cyber, to acquire more music.
21.Gary Says:
Find it on YouTube and just post the link.
22.Bonnie Says:
Warning: this is the dreaded opera post. Skip if it might be TMI for you!
I have to part from Lil a bit, as I generally dislike Wagner, though there are parts
of Tristan und Isolde that really move me–in fact, they sound a bit like Richard
Straus to me (he was a Bavarian, not to be confused with the waltz/march/operetta
family in Vienna).
Tim, I’m sure opera is an acquired taste, but I acquired it young: my dad’s favorite
LP was an old recording of Maria Callas and Giuseppi diStefano in Rigoletto.
Generally, opera plots are pretty stupid, but this one was based on a play by Victor
Hugo. Straus of course worked with Hugo von Hoffmanstal, so the language is
beautiful, but my favorite Rosenkavalier is about not very much: older woman has
affair with young man, young man falls in love with woman his own age. Of
course it’s about the changing of the guard, ending of an era, etc. (young woman
is daughter of nouveau-riche).
As you might guess from the selections, it’s about beautiful blending of voices for
me. Two gorgeous duets in Rigoletto between Gilda and her father, between her
and the (evil) Duke, as seductive as you could ever wish for, and a different kind
of seduction in the fabulous quartett where the Duke, fresh from (raping?) the
kidnapped Gilda, flirts with Maddalena at the inn where he is to be assasinated,
and Gilda (planning to sacrifice herself to save the Duke) and Rigoletto (who
hired the assasin) look on and listen.
Even in La Bohème, Musetta’s solo gets much more enjoyable for me when her
(former) lover, moved almost beyond endurance at watching her flirt though he
had sworn to be done with her, joins in and turns her waltz into a duet. And you
haven’t lived until you’ve heard Cecilia Bartoli sing her duet with the apothecary
in L’Élisir d’amor.
True, there are some genuine tour de force solo pieces: Queen of the Night’s aria
from Zauberflöte (hit and miss, though, in a live performance), Lucia’s mad scene,
Olympia’s weird doll-song from Tales of Hoffman, Nedda’s poignant musings on
freedom in Il Pagliacci, Despina’s contemptuous summation of men in Così…but
a lot of folks aren’t naturally conditioned to hear soprano voices as other than as
screeching! Some male solos, too, such as Germont in La Traviata when he warns
Violetta off his son, Floristan’s song about dreaming of his wife who, appearing as
an angel, rescues him from the dungeon (when his voice is interwoven with the
clarinet it invariably makes me tear up)…they are good. But the blend is best,
overall, in my opinion.
I think Mozart, Puccini, and Donizetti are probably the most accessible if you
want to try a few operas on for size. Don Pasquale is a comedy and has some truly
gorgeous music; Zauberflöte is a “singspiel,” with words of dialogue spoken
between the arias–I think it’s available in more than one version on film or DVD
(you can’t miss with this one: DGG), and it’s got a dress-up-in-costumes,
allegorical feel that makes it seems a bit child-like, though the underlying themes
have to do with masonry (the lodge, not the actual artesanal activity) (which has a
fascinating history in Austrian politics anyway); Zefferelli staged the one I saw
several times in Vienna and it was gorgeous. For sheer musical pleasure, Così Fan
Tutte is delightful, though the plot is beyond ridiculous. As Beethoven’s only
opera, I have to recommend Fidelio, plenty enjoyable even if you have no clue
what is going on. I have grown to like Turandot (even non-aficionados will
recognize Nessun Dorma), but if picking “Puccini for beginners” I’d probably go
with La Bohème or La Traviata. Ah, and one of the triptych of Puccini’s, Gianni
Schicchi, is short and fun and has the exquisite soprano solo “O mio babbino
caro” to recommend it. And not to scorn those Strauss boys, Die Fledermaus is
packed with whistle-inducing tunes and, since it’s about a party, is a classic to be
staged on New Year’s Eve.
23.Larissa Says:
Ahem. Late but here…my 10 songs for All Eternity:
1. Hey Ahab off of The Union by Elton John and Leon Russell
2.Tangled up in Blue-but KT Tunstall’s version because it’s so ALIVE
3. County Down by Danu
4.Rachmaninov’s Piano Suite for 2
5. Half Moon Rising by Yonder Mountain String Band because it reminds me of
wandering (c:
6. Nada by The Refreshments
7.Interstate by The Refreshments
8.Dante’s Prayer by Loreena McKennitt or The Wind That Shakes the Barley
9. Any flamenco guitar work…there are so many that I don’t know the name of…
10.At least one of the really long tracks off of my bellydance CD’s. They’re
intricate, beautiful and they make you want to move. It will take eternity just to
learn how to follow along to all of it!
Anyway-looking at everyone’s lists makes me think I need to get more culture in
me…:D
You’re all cultured up, Riss. Great list.
Blog Till You Drop, Day 96: The Endless Shelf
January 4th, 2011
For Christmas, Mun’s and my friends, Peter and Pauli Sanderson, gave me a really nice bag with a
quotation on one side from Abraham Lincoln: “My best friend is someone who gives me a book I have
not read.”
Just read a great piece in The New Yorker about the Vatican Library (or “the Vat” as the people who do
research there call it). Most of the Vat’s ancient books were hoarded, stolen, seized by kings, shipped
under armed guard, and locked away for (in some cases) centuries.
In one of Larry McMurtry’s memoirs he tells how, when he was nine or ten years old, a cousin came by
on his way to fight in World War II and left a box containing 19 books, the first books ever in the
house, other than the Bible. Sixty years and hundreds of thousand books later — McMurtry is now one
of the world’s biggest dealer in used books — he remembers the exact number of books his cousin gave
him.
A few days ago, Munyin fell in love with Colin Firth. She had read he’d played Mr. Darcy in an
adaptation of Pride and Prejudice, and she decided to read it before she saw it. My copy was in a
whopping edition containing Austen’s complete works; so I opened my Kindle, pushed about five
buttons, and 30 seconds later, we had a new copy of Pride and Prejudice.
Books are as common as dirt now. We’ve gone from hand-lettered tomes on vellum to the printed book
to mass-produced hardcovers, to cheap paperbacks, and now to bytes and pixels on the fly. There is
literally no reason now for anyone to want a book he or she can’t have. It may not be a Gutenberg, but
you can find a free Bible in any hotel room. Half the great books in English are available free for ereaders.
Has the ubiquity of books degraded our relationship to them? Do we know individual books much less
well than people did when they were scarce?
In Lincoln’s time, I would imagine, most literate people knew a few books very, very well. Now we (I,
anyway) have a glancing acquaintance with thousands of books. Is one relationship to books better
than the other? Are we in danger of developing a frame of reference that is, as someone said of Victor
Hugo’s, “As wide as all the seas and five inches deep”?
Francis Bacon said, “Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed
and digested.” And he said it around 1600. I doubt whether he was able to “taste” one-fiftieth of the
books I’ve skimmed. And he probably knew by heart some of the ones he chewed and digested. Was
Francis Bacon worse-educated than I am? I don’t think so. He knew about fewer things than I know
about, but what he knew, he knew well enough to transmute it into wisdom.
Anyone got any thoughts about this? The questions above are not rhetorical. Come on, give me a hand
here. Why should I do all the work?
This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 4th, 2011 at 10:28 pm and is filed under All Blogs, Reading.
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15 Responses to “Blog Till You Drop, Day 96: The Endless Shelf”
1. Gary Says:
I get your point about the ubiquity of books. But I’d still prefer not to go back to
the days of hand copying, and private libraries considered large if they contained
twelve of them.
Much less risk to our human condition, I think, in too many rather than too few.
2. EverettK Says:
It’s a very interesting and valid question that you ask, and it’s not an easy one to
answer. At least, the answer is not simple.
I think that the answer depends a great deal upon the reader. This ties back into
your earlier blog (Oct 16, Day 15, The 10,000 Hour Rule) about how long it takes
to become a master of anything. Only now we’re talking about experience and
understanding and grokking. You can still, today, consume and absorb thousands
of books and still study and know well just a few of them. It’s a matter of choice
and self-discipline.
But… in modern times, we have such a WEALTH available to us for
consumption, that it’s very easy for most folks to become distracted by the
multitude and not be able to focus on any one area. (I’m talking about Butterfly
Behavior, which totally different than the Butterfly Effect, but the Behavior can
certainly have an Effect on society.)
However… in the times of Francis Bacon, the percentage of the population that
had the OPPORTUNITY to know a subject in depth was quite small. The majority
of the population was still mired in struggling for survival. So, I think that there
are still just as many (probably far more, given the population expansion) people
who study and know a subject (or books) in depth as there was 300-400 years ago.
It’s just that the number of people has exploded dramatically who are able to study
ANYTHING AT ALL.
When there are very few fish in the pond (most of the population are tadpoles) it’s
very easy to be the sturgeon and stand out from the crowd. REALLY stand out.
But when the pond is filled with coho salmon, the sturgeon doesn’t stand out as
much, even though it’s still there.
3. Robb Royer Says:
I think the human condition is like, totally screwed, man.
4. Suzanna Says:
Sadly since the internet has somewhat taken over the way I receive news,
communicate with friends and family, research everything from how to plant a
maple tree, to how to deal with my teenage daughter, my relationship to books has
diminished. I just don’t read as many books as I used to.
But there will always be books that are life changing either because of what they
teach me or because of how they were written, or both, and I hang onto those
books like a treasured friend or family member. I don’t lend my favorite books
easily and when I do I usually get the person who wants to read the book to
promise they will return it when they’re done. Some of my favorites never make it
back to me but what the hell I can always buy a new one, right? Thank goodness
for that.
5. Gary Says:
Suzanna. South Asian proverb: Only a fool lends a book. And only a bigger fool
returns it.
I think the simple answer is that certain books will stand out for us to relish and
and remember. No matter how many books I read, a few stand out. Is that what
you meant, Everett? I think, based on my own life experience, and the work I do,
certain books will have weight for me, which is true for all of us. ( The Queen of
Patcong is one).There are more of us reading, and there is more to choose from,
and, yes, a lot of it is forgettable, but at least people are reading. On some other
website, there was a poll taken, and Firth’s Mr. Darcy won the most admired hero
award or something. He is the epitome, apparently, of the romantic hero. I am not
arguing with that. Just warning you, Tim. (And Bonnie, we read a lot of the same
people-just a crossover from DorothyL).
7. Suzanna Says:
Gary,
…”I know not of any greater sign of a trusting friendship than lending a book.”
This according to Guive Mirfendereski, a professor of international relations and
law, (love the interweb) who was told by his father how foolish it is to lend books,
and more foolish to return them.
When I think about it more carefully the books I never got back were loaned to
people I am no longer friends with.
To add to GM’s thinking, maybe there’s no greater sign that you want to maintain
a trusting friendship then making sure you return the books you’ve borrowed.
I have to say I felt like a heel when the mother of my young nephew asked to
borrow the first book of my daughter’s Harry Potter series. It pained me
somewhat but instead of immediately handing it over I encouraged her to get the
entire series. Terrible aren’t I? Did I trust her to return the book? I guess I didn’t!
Plus, it wasn’t my book to loan anyway.
Good news is that she recently wrote to say that she and my nephew are reading
the Harry Potter books together, and she now understands what all the fuss is
about.
8. EverettK Says:
Lil: Not entirely. I was more getting at the “changes in society” that have allowed
99% of people alive to have spare time to READ books and spare money to BUY
them, which wasn’t the case until the past 50-100 years. With more people
reading, there is more reading available.
But Sturgeon’s Law applies (as much as it ever does): 95% of everything is shit.
Of course, that’s a gross (in a couple of ways) generalization, but is (like most
‘laws’) generally true. When thinking about people who study something in depth
and master it, 95% of them don’t, whether they have the time and means to do so
or not, whether they have too many distractions or not. 95% of all books (or
printed material in general) are crap (ie, forgettable). I read probably in the
neighborhood of 100 books this past year. How many would I feel badly about if I
I have thousands of paper books that I’ve acquired and (mostly) read over the past
45-50 years, and that collection has been winnowed down once or twice, and even
out of that collection, there’s probably a total of 100-200 that would go along with
me to a desert island. Several of them I’ve read multiple times (some as many as 5
or 6 times).
So, while the plethora of printed matter that we have today DOES ‘cheapen’ the
value of ALL of it in the eyes of many people (thus resulting in less deep-study of
any of it), there’s still that 5% of the population with the will and the ability to
focus and to study deeply, and the plethora only enriches the depths of their study.
Thanks for the comments, all. Gary, I think I owe you a couple of those Iain Pears
books, but I’m keeping them until he learns how to spell his first name. Also,
didn’t I steal THE DAUGHTER OF SCIENCE, about Ada Byron, from you?
Everett, to take your posts as one overwhelming furlm, seems to me that the one
of the big differences between people of the last, say 65 years and those of longer
(and much longer) ago is that we have much more idle time and many, many more
ways to fill it. And I agree that 90% of everything is shit, although I believe that
some individual members of any group will expose themselves to a lower
percentage of fecal fun than others. Taken as a whole, though, I think the wealthy
West suffers from a cultural case of ADD, brought about by the fact that 90% of
what we turn our attention to isn’t good enough to hold it. So we hopscotch to the
next distraction. The eyes of people in 19th century photos seem to have a gravity
ours don’t, although that might just be because they had to stare at the lens so long
before the exposure was complete. But that might not be the reason, either.
Robb, I always think of the human condition as, like, screwed because the first
person I ever heard talk about it was James Brock, whose view of it was
undoubtedly affected by a deep and richly deserved sense of personal inferiority.
Zanna, you lie. You’ll lend anything to anyone. I have books I treasure, and I force
them on people who never return them so I have to buy new copies. Oh, well,
what the hell.
Lil, THANKS for the reference to QUEEN, I’ll take that any day. Sure, some
books shine and some are just popcorn, and I still wonder whether we’d read
better if we read less and not quite so frivolously.
I have to sign off for the day. I’ve done no writing and I have characters waving
for attention. More tonight.
Well, now, I am looking at reading from a person who works with kids and wants
them to read. What do you think all those people who go to see Sarah Palin read?
(Besides, her book, I mean, and no I haven’t). Yes, there is more spare time, but
with all the things out clamoring for our attention, and our money, I still would
have more people reading. And yes a lot of it garbage. I am reading less this week
because I’m reading “The Book of Air and Shadows,” and I really like it. It is a
much slower and demanding read than many books that I read.
But I will also cop to reading a jolly regency once in a while just to rest my head,
and just because. It’s very hard to tolerate the dumbing down of America, but
there it is. but I think it’s always been like that; we just see it more now.
As to the human condition, it has always been a puzzle. Why else are there so
many philosophers, philosophies, and religons? Oops, got to stop, I’m a little
buzzed on meds-sorry about that.
11.Laren Bright Says:
I only read sci-fi — and Tim Hallinan. I’m a cretin.
12.Gary Says:
Tim, I GAVE you the book on Ada Byron. I LENT you the book on the history of
the Jews. That’s the difference.
There’s always been a high garbage content in the available literature. Aristotle
was revered for millennia, but his ideas on natural philosophy (physics,
mechanics, etc.) held back modern science for centuries.
But if we don’t have the 90 percent, we won’t get the 10 percent.
13.EverettK Says:
Lil said: As to the human condition, it has always been a puzzle. Why else are
there so many philosophers, philosophies, and religons? Oops, got to stop, I’m a
little buzzed on meds-sorry about that.
14.Robb Royer Says:
Okay, since you bring up Dr. Brock, do you remember when we were racing up
Nordhoff street, late to his class for the #@*&%teenth time, wondering how we
were gonna get away with it when we passed a stand with a hand painted sign:
MOTHERS DAY FLOWERS.
Cut to class, we walked in, gave Brock a bouquet and said warmly, ‘happy
Mother’s Day Dr. Brock’.
I don’t know if we was actually moved (he looked like he was) but he accepted
the flowers in a posture of gratitude and we took our seats without further incident
or comment. ‘member that?
Sorry to have fallen behind, everyone. PULPED is arriving all the time lately and
I write it pretty much all day. Got to grab it while it’s in the neighborhood.
Zanna, you were absolutely right not to lend that book. Almost the only exception
I make is books in series when I want to have the entire series. Those don’t go
anywhere until I’m ready to get rid of the series as a whole.
Lil (again!)I suppose I shouldn’t worry about people reading ANYTHING in this,
the age of Snooki — unless they’re reading “Snooki’s” “novel,” JERSEY
SHORE. Both sets of quotation marks are intentional. With good writers using
their manuscript to stuff holes in the wall and keep out drafts (well, maybe not)
it’s a travesty for Scribners, a once-literate firm, to be pubbing this book.
A regency, huh? For me, it’s a Victorian. Love that period, and Anne Perry does it
to a turn. What the hell ever happened to Caleb Carr?
Laren, as long as you read Hallinan, no one will ever criticize you. For anything. I
won’t even let Gary “criticise” you.
Well, Everett, if the human condition is a puzzle, it’s one that always ends the
same way. Still, I suppose what matters is how you get there.
Gary, I will be forever thankful for the book on Ada, except that I left the damn
thing in my apartment in Phnom Penh, and I want to read it again. And it’s not on
Amazon or BookDepository. Drat.
Robb, I do indeed remember. He looked as pleased as it was possible for a
congenitally depressed sourpuss to look.
Blogging Toward Bethlehem, Day 97: Marvin’s Poems
January 5th, 2011
A few days ago, I wrote a piece about my favorite teacher, the extraordinary Marvin Klotz.
It was supposed to serve as an introduction to a very small sampling of the poetry Marvin has been
writing lately, poetry that I am lucky enough to receive in monthly installments, and which I read with
complete attention and, usually, multiple times.
However, WordPress didn’t want to let me format the poetry properly. Someone went to the trouble of
tracking down the issue in the WordPress forum. If you ever need to single-space after a page return,
hold down the shift key while you press enter. So there you are, and here’s Marvin’s poetry.
Almost the only problem with getting the poems via e-mail is that I can’t hear Marvin saying them. So
as you read the two that follow, I ask you to imagine the voices of James Earl Jones and Orson Welles
blended together, only a lot better and less stagy than either. Pretty much, in fact, the ideal male voice.
Although the voice of the poems is plenty good enough.
Requiem
For S.S.
Inside the skin’s where it happens.
Amazing what that space contains –
Interstices, the roads all mapped
By what we’ve done — our lives’ refrain,
A song within the skin. Childhood
Anxieties, first love, the rough
And tumble scars, ecstatic good –
All melt, and cool — become one tough
Amalgam: our unburnished selves.
There reside affections, taste, pain,
And politics. And there we delve
Among the crystal cracks, to gain
That sense of who we are, to find
Among inchoate parts, a center.
Sometimes, inside the skin, the mind
Demurs, sweeps out all debris — vents,
And leaves that arid space within
Where plain grief abides, untarnished
By our lives’ complex and foolish
Stuff — just empty, inside the skin.
Religion
One time,
At a small Hindu temple
Outside Benares
(After attendant monks
had fed the images),
We watched
Three young country women,
Fieldworkers,
Come dancing through the hall.
They pressed their palms
Beneath their chins
(Mudra, it’s called)
At each niche-seated shrine.
And lovingly stroked
The many lingams
Scattered about the room.
One time,
At a modest church in Athens,
We asked about the silver
Body parts (an eye, an ear,
A foot, a hand)
Hung near the altar.
These, we learned,
Were offerings to god,
Reverent rewards
For miraculous cures.
One time,
In Chiang Mai,
As we climbed the steps
To the Buddhist Temple,
Out young female guide
Cringed to one side
As two saffron- robed monks
Descended.
Had she, even accidentally,
Touched them,
She explained,
They would be soiled.
One time,
In Jerusalem,
We saw men,
Strangely dressed,
Furiously bending
Back and forth,
Inverted pendulums
(Davening, it’s called),
Facing a wall
Made holy by antiquity.
One time,
In Mashad,
At midnight,
We doffed our shoes
And entered the eighth imam’s
Sequined shrine.
The pilgrims there
Around the imam’s
Fretwork tomb
Fastened colored threads
To their afflicted parts
To gain divine afflatus
And cure their pain.
One time,
In Khajuraho,
We ogled 10th-century art
Displaying sexual excess –
Rude variations –
On the temple’s outer walls.
Not well understood
(“Tantric yoga,”
some scholars
Inadequately explain),
They ornament
These holy precincts,
and do wonders
For the tourist trade.
One time,
In Taipei,
We bought some paper money –
An offering to burn.
We threw the sticks
And got one marked
Twenty-six.
The assistant Taoist Priest
Looking through the book,
Pronounced our good fortune,
In the courtyard
Stood a new pickup truck,
Brought for blessing.
Firecrackers, attached to
Each corner, made an awful din,
And drove away the demons.
One time.
Outside Katmandu,
We came upon
Prayer-wheels
Spinning in the wind.
Each revolution
Reinforced the mantra
Until, perhaps, it could not
Be ignored.
One time,
In Rome,
We saw parishioners
Kneel at the altar rail
And receive
A consecrated wafer
On their tongues.
It was the flesh of god
We learned.
One time,
Outside Siem Reap,
I climbed an ancient temple.
At the tower’s top,
With ant-like folks below,
I raised my arms
(I could not stop myself)
And howled:
“Thus saith the lord your god!”
No one looked up.
Abashed,
I crept down
And went away.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 5th, 2011 at 9:58 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
13 Responses to “Blogging Toward Bethlehem, Day 97: Marvin’s
Poems”
1. Gary Says:
Oh, yes!
Reading them aloud helps. It really does.
Both poems are wonderful. The first, to me, because I can just hear a
Shakespearean actor reading it, caressing it with his voice.
And the second, because it’s such a poignant echo of, yes… the human condition!
And it brings back memories too.
Thank you, Tim. Thank you.
I do like these, especially Religion and in particular
They ornament
These holy precincts,
and do wonders
For the tourist trade.
3. EverettK Says:
Wonderful.
Both poems evoked in me a feeling of geologic time, a stretching of the
perspective, the point of view, to a greater than normal distance.
Wonderful.
Beautiful. The human and the eternal. Thank you, Tim.
Hi, All –
Thanks for chiming in. I love these poems (and many of the others he’s sent me)>
I’m just sorry you don’t also get to know Marvin. Of all the people who check in
here from time to time, I think only Robb and Maria have ever met him. An
amazing guy.
I’m so glad you’re all liking the poems.
6. Suzanna Says:
Tim, So glad you worked out all the issues you had with posting Professor Klotz’s
work and we get to read the poems the way they were intended to be read.
REQUIEM, the internal world of human existence in four stanzas. Masterful.
RELIGION. This poem makes me want to travel to each of those places, to see
what he saw, and yes, even stand on a hill and shout like a fool. But for now I will
settle for rereading this over and over.
Professor Klotz is a wizard.
7. Beth Says:
It is interesting that in Taoism, Orthodox Judaism, and Islam women are
considered vile and unclean by nature.
Yet in Christianity, which has the reputation of subjugating women, all women are
elevated because the Savior came into the world through a woman.
8. Philip Coggan Says:
Love the finale to Religion.
The other day you were asking about favourite music. I’d add Allegri’s Misere
(that’s the one that the Vatican refused to publish, until the 14 year old Mozart
heard it just once and went home and wrote it out from memory). It sayeth: “In sin
I was conceived, in pain my mother bore me” – which is perhaps not a very lifeaffirming sentiment, but the music is sublime.
9. Gary Says:
Beth. Jewish prayer:
I thank Thee, Lord, that I was not born a Gentile, a dog, or a woman.
I vote for Religion. Awesome.
I’m sure that Marvin will be delighted at your reactions. I know I am. There are
many more poems, and I might put some more up in the future if he’ll let me.
But Beth, women still can’t be priests (much less bishops) in the Catholic church,
and despite Mary Magdalen, I don’t see a strain of practical compassion in
Christianity’s attitude toward what used to be called “fallen women.” Fallen men
don’t seem to have it half as hard.
Gary, the Jewish prayer, of course, says as much about Jews as it does Gentiles.
All the People of the Book, traditionally, at least, could use a couple of hours a
day in feminist perspectives. Maybe Marvin would come out of retirement to
teach it.
12.Marvin Says:
I am overwhelmed by Tim’s praise, and his blog friends’ responses. There really
are no words–so a lame thank you must suffice. “Requiem” was written in
response to the much too early death of a friend’s daughter. “Religion,” quietly,
attempts to direct a light, sufficiently bright, to persuade the faithful to stop killing
each other.
Thanks to you, Marvin. You inspired it all. Wonderful, wonderful poems.
Le Bel Blog Avec Merci, Day 98: Kindness
January 7th, 2011
I asked Munyin to give me a topic for today, and she said, “Kindness.”
Well, then.
What is kindness to me? Okay, this is hard for me to do without getting mawkish.
Kindness is a gift that can’t be bought, sold, or given grudgingly. It’s free and it’s evanescent and
usually fleeting. It’s a hand on the stairs, a smile behind a cash register, a tiny bit effort that has no
practical value. But it changes a moment, makes it better for both the giver and the recipient.
Getting kindness unexpectedly — in the middle of a busy day, for example, when I’m barely in the
present because I’m thinking two or three moves ahead — is like a little window opening and a
blessing coming through it. It can affect the way I feel for hours. It sets an interior chain reaction in
motion, and I find myself focused, even if it’s just briefly, on the things that are right: my wife, my life,
the sky, the dog, a paragraph I wrote or read a couple of days ago. The world’s beauty.
We all exist in a web of blessings, and a kind act can make us more aware of them.
One thing I’ve learned in a relatively long life is that women seem to go to kindness more easily than
men do, especially where children are concerned. I used to love to sit in a small Asian village I’d never
visited before, just the basic dirt road swarming with kids, and try to figure out which children
belonged to which women. The rule seemed to be that whichever female who was nearest a distressed
child would pick it up, sooth it, kiss it, and make a fuss over it, until the kid was okay again. Then each
of them would go her own way and probably never give it a thought again.
What I liked most about it was how transient it was. There was unhappiness, there was kindness, and
then it was over. Nobody keeping score or feeling righteous. Just a quick application of kindness as
needed, and done. I remember thinking about one woman, who had picked up and rocked the dirtiest,
snottiest kid I ever saw, “You just got ticketed for heaven.”
We’re brought up to believe that the important things are difficult. But it’s easy to be kind. In the
mornings, when I lay out the basic shape of my day, it wouldn’t take much effort to add “be kind when
it’s called for” to my oh-so-important to-do list.
Oh, and add, “try to remain aware of when it might be called for.”
By the way, that’s Guanyin up there, the goddess of compassion. Even with paintings of her all over
my house, I still don’t often open myself to the message, which could be condensed into two words: Be
kind.
This entry was posted on Friday, January 7th, 2011 at 10:00 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
20 Responses to “Le Bel Blog Avec Merci, Day 98: Kindness”
1. Glenn W Says:
Tim,
A perfect entry for the day. Thanks. Munyin is a treasure. Your topic, “kindness”
was the theme of my morning meditation/devotion moments. And then came the
blog. I think the gods are speaking to me. I have little to add to what you’ve
written save to acknowledge it struck a resonate chord in me and for that I am
grateful.
I possess a rubber stamp with the inscription: “Practice random kindness and
senseless acts of beauty.” When I think of it, I stamp it on whatever envelope I’m
sending out that day. Been doing it for about a dozen years. As yet, no one has
commented on it. No matter. I like to think that someone “out there” handling that
particular piece of mail will stop for a split second and be mindful.
2. EverettK Says:
Simple, basic, something that should be automatic to all of us, but which is
somehow never taught or is often forgotten. Thanks, Tim and Munyin!
To EVERYONE: I’ve placed an index to Tim’s blog, starting Oct 1, 2010 (the
beginning of the 365 Project) on my website at:
Blog Index (Open Office document)
Blog Index (PDF document)
Blog Index (RTF document)
I’ve also saved and concatenated all of the blogs and comments into one large file
for the months of Oct-Dec 2010 (4th quarter of 2010), making it easy to search
and find what you might be looking for. It’s at:
Tim’s Blog (Open Office document 650 Kbytes)
Tim’s Blog (PDF document 13 Mbytes)
The graphics are not included in the Open Office document, hence its smaller size,
but they will load from Tim’s web site, as the document contains links to them.
The PDF document is much larger, because the graphics were downloaded and
included as part of the PDF export. I haven’t figured out a way to convert the
Open Office document to any other format that will easily download and include
the graphics.
I plan to continue to update these files every few weeks (hopefully). The blog
itself will be done in ‘quarters,’ to keep the files from getting TOO large and
unwieldy (it’s already pretty big just doing 3 months).
3. Rachel Brady Says:
Wonderful post. Reminded me of this article I like. http://zenhabits.net/kindfully/
I also like Glenn’s term “mindful” quite a bit. When I remain mindful, the
kindness comes easily.
4. Suzanna Says:
Thanks, Munyin for suggesting today’s topic, and Tim for actualizing it. Writing
this is an act of kindness in itself. Great reminder.
5. Beth Says:
I think kindness is an innate quality that gets buried under the things we think are
important, the things that clutter our lives as we get older.
Eighteen years ago, one of my brothers died suddenly. The youngest children in
the family, like my son who was seven at the time, weren’t brought to the wake
but they did come to the funeral Mass. My son was sitting next to me. Then, for
seemingly no reason, he knelt on the pew and began patting my shoulder. He
knew what was right for the moment. It wasn’t taught.
I don’t think that women are more kind than men. I think culturally men have
learned not to take spontaneous action. If they have time to come up with a plan,
then kindness is easier to express.
6. Suzanna Says:
By the say I like today’s blog title. French is such a beautiful language. Wish I
could speak it.
7. Glenn W Says:
Beth,
Relating the loss of your brother eighteen years ago comes into my heart as if it
were yesterday…and the story of your own son showing such tenderness is
heartwarming and encouraging.
BUT,as the father of four, I do believe that while kindness and compassion may
not be taught – didactically – it is something we do learn from the kind and
compassionate around us. Obviously, your son acted towards you what he himself
had experienced in his own family. Good on you. We learn about forgiveness from
being forgiven. We learn kindness from those who have taught us kindness by
word and example.
I agree with Beth. I think women are more spontaneous because historically, they
are the caretakers of children, and children absolutely demand that we be in the
moment. One does what needs to done. Beth, your son has a gift, doesn’t he?
Munyin sounds like a lovely person, and I think you are kinder than you may
realize. You use humor and cleverness, but as Everett says-you just might be a
softie. To me, in this strange new world we live in, where life can be so hard, I
think a little kindness goes a long way, and it makes everyone more content.
9. Trevel Says:
I love the ol’ Henry James quote. (Or at least, that’s who I’ve seen it attributed
to…)
“There are three things that are important in human life. The first is to be kind.
The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind.”
10.Beth Says:
Lil, my son, now 25, has an outrageous sense of humor. He is quick and funny, a
born comedian. All of those things add up to an ability to take people exactly as
he finds them. He is pretty much non-judgmental. Right now, as he is wending his
way through college, slowly and we hope surely, he has a job he loves. I call him
a housemother. He supervises a residence operated by a mental health provider.
He doesn’t live there but he is responsible for overseeing 13 mentally-ill men. He
can’t make them eat but he makes sure there is food ready for the meals he is
supervising. He had Thanksgiving dinner with the few who didn’t have a family
to go to.
One of his charges insists that my bearded son is pregnant. My guy responds to
this as if it were true because to this man it is. He takes people exactly as he finds
them and I think that is a gift.
Bearded or not, he is my baby; he has two older sisters who boss him
unmercifully so he learned early to duck and cover.
11.Beth Says:
Glenn, are your four girls or boys or some of each?
My son has two older sisters; the oldest is almost nine years older than he. She has
had a great deal of influence in the way in which he has developed. And two
sisters means a different environment than if there were other boys.
One of my nephews was born on the same day, the third of three boys. When they
were about 18 months old, I heard my son’s shocked cry. My son was flat on the
floor with his cousin sitting on him. My nephew had to learn to wrestle as soon as
he learned to sit without support. My son had never had such an experience. His
sisters were always making sure he didn’t get hurt.
The family dynamic makes a big difference in how kids come to view the world.
12.barbara macdonald Says:
Thanks to you all for the kindness reminders.
I’m old enough to know better and yet still need to be reminded that mindfulness
and kindness go hand in hand.
Special thanks to Rachel for the zenhabits article and to Trevel for the Henry
James quote!
Kind of you to share your thoughts.
Who wants to have a go at Laren?
I should have Mun suggest more topics. Today is the first day of the American
Library Association Conference in San Diego, and I’ve been jammed all day and
will also be jammed all weekend, so my comments will have to be much lighter
than your response deserves.
I’m so happy this struck a chord. I felt very awkward writing it because it kept
skating into Hallmark territory but finally I told myself not to feel superior to
Hallmark and just write it. So I did.
GLENN — so glad this harmonized with your meditation, when we’re all these
miles apart. Synchronicity or something, but whatever it is, it’s positive.
EVERETT, you are hereby appointed the official chronicler of this blog. I’ve been
thinking about erasing them as I went so I could get away with using some
material multiple times, but you’ve put a kink in that plan. I’m amazingly flattered
that you (or anyone) think this stuff is worth preserving, much less indexing.
Rachel, thanks for the reminder of the Zen site. I’d forgotten all about it. And
Mindfulness should mark every aspect of our lives; the Buddha really had it
wired.
Zanna, please excuse my not having written, although it’s really pretty much
inexcusable. We’ll get together while you’re in Los Angeles, and Mun and I send
you all our support and love.
Beth and Glenn and Lil, what a lovely dialogue. Beth, your son does sound
amazing, and I agree with Glenn that it probably mirrors his family’s approach to
life, so it’s a return to you of a bit of the love you’ve obviously poured into the
relationship. And Lil, Mun is the best thing in my life, period.
Tavel, first, HI — glad to see you, and second, what a great quote. I don’t always
associate James with straightforward emotionalism, but this is a wonderful thing
to have said. Although I suppose some of the very complicated ladies he wrote
might well have felt this way, at least some of the time.
barbara, you took the words out of my mouth. Great stuff, all around. A
And Laren, you’re another softie beneath the somewhat prickly exterior.
Laren-I was just kidding, really.
17.Glenn W. Says:
Beth,
Three sons and one daughter.
Two sons presently in college, oldest son graduated and daughter also graduated.
All great kids! I am blessed.
18.Suzanna Says:
Thanks, Timsee : ) Looking forward to it.
19.Larissa Says:
Guanyin is amazing. The next time you’re in KC, I can show you an amazing
sculpture of him/her. He’s amazing (there’s been a lot of discrepancy over the
actual gender of dear Guanyin of the Southern Sea depending on where you look.
I believe The Lotus Sutra says it’s a “he”…) Anyway-the statue is worth the trip
alone.
Great topic. And yes, there is something really astounding about a fleeting
Thanks Munyin.
Hi, Riss — Guanyin is a metamorphosis of the compassionate aspect of the
Buddha, so it’s no wonder she takes masculine form in older citations, such as the
sutras. And thanks for the last sentence of your comment. May be the basis for my
next blog.
1-A-Day Blog, Day 99: ALA Mode
January 7th, 2011
This is the weekend of the American Library Association’s conference in San Diego, so here I am.
The ALA is one of the great book shows of the year, with every publisher in the world here wooing
librarians — tens of thousands of them — from all over America. As you can imagine, it gets pretty
rowdy.
It’s also paradise for book baggers. There are free books EVERYWHERE, and publishers even give
you bags to put them in. It’s a good thing I’m not flying back to LA, because I’d have to pay hundreds
of dollars for overweight baggage.
Wherever publishers and librarians gather, writers also congregate. So here I am, one of those little
birds that rides around on a rhino, shoving my way into the convention on the backs of HarperCollins
and an impromptu group of enterprising mystery writers headed by Naomi Hirahara, Hank Phillippi
Ryan, and Rosemary Harris. HarperCollins will have me signing books in their booth on Sunday —
the last time I did an ALA conference I signed more than 250 books in an hour — and tomorrow,
thanks to the forceful wills and organization skills of the writers named above, will be Mystery Day at
ALA.
What, you may ask, is Mystery Day at ALA? It’s an ongoing event featuring panel discussions,
signings, general mystery juju. and discreet self-promotion. We’ll be at the Mystery Day location
whenever we’re not all off stealing books.
Some wonderful writers will be involved. In addition to Ryan, Hirahara, and Harris, we’ll have Harley
Jane Kozak, Kate Carlisle, Jeri Westerton, Dianne Emley, Sue Ann Jaffarian, T. Jefferson Parker, Ken
Kuhlken, Gary Phillips, Kelli Stanley, Vicki Doudera, Sophie Littlefield, and yours truly. Some really
good people there.
(By the way, I still have to pinch myself sometimes that I get to hang around with these people.)
I’ll be on a couple of panels, “Tough Guys,” which I guess is about the kind of two-fisted protagonist I
wish I could write, and “S is for Series,” which is about why readers love series. I am not exactly the
best example of a series writer large numbers of people love (at least, not enough to buy tens of
thousands of my books) but I made the cut for the panel anyway. Anyway, if I were rich and famous,
I’d be much less interesting. And a lot richer and more famous.
This evening (I’m writing this late Friday night) we had a great event at Mysterious Galaxy, the best
mystery bookstore in the city, and one of the best anywhere. I had actual fans turn out, even though
one of them said to me, “Has Timothy Hallinan showed up yet?” Maybe I’ve outgrown my author
photo.
None of this has anything to do with writing, but I did go to the Starbucks next to Mysterious Galaxy
this afternoon and write 1700 words of the toughest scene in the whole of PULPED so far — the first
prolonged conversation between Simeon and Madison.
And I like it. So I CAN do more than one thing at a time.
Will be tweeting from the convention whenever 140 characters present themselves to me.
This entry was posted on Friday, January 7th, 2011 at 10:23 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
14 Responses to “1-A-Day Blog, Day 99: ALA Mode”
1. Suzanna Says:
Sounds like you’re having a blast.
The image of rowdy librarians is hilarious.
They aren’t really rowdy are they?
About your fan not knowing it was you they were talking to, I don’t think it would
matter what your photo looked like because if they only have a tiny author’s photo
to go by it is kind of hard to tell what someone really looks like in person. I don’t
think I’d recognize most of the people I love to read if I shook their hand.
Just you wait Tim, one day you’ll be wishing you could return to the good old
days when you could sit writing in the local coffee shop and no one would bother
you.
Looking forward to hearing more about your trip down to the ALA.
Don’t think I haven’t noticed the new titles each day. Fun.
books, writers, librarians, books
a heavenly weekend
3. EverettK Says:
ALA: Alphabeholic Librarians Anonymous
[in whining seven year-old's voice]
I’m jealous, Tim, you get to do all the fun stuff!
4. Gary Says:
Hope you get to sign LOTS of books. And revitalize the Kindle sales.
When your fan finally recognized you, did he do it? “Hey, Tim, write The Man
with No Time!”
First of all, some of those folks are pinching themselves because they’re hanging
with you. I am totally jealous, I subscribe to some other news letters (full
disclosure here), and having been getting notices about this. Libraries are my
favorite places, where I got to “meet” you all for the first time. I worked in a very
small library as a volunteer a long time ago. It was housed in an old Victoriannothing like your beautiful picture-and we used manual daters. It was a joy. For
me more fun than a candy store. Hope you’re enjoying yourself-and the applause.
Everett-How does one access those archived blogs? I tried on my own, honest, but
I am at sea. Can you help out? When you get over your seven year old snit-which
I share also.
7. EverettK Says:
Lil: If you click on the links that I provided, that should cause your browser to
start downloading the files. The files are in a couple of different formats, to make
them accessible to as many people as possible.
The Open Office .odt files are for…wait for it, Open Office, the open-source
(freeware) office suite that replaces (for many people) Microsoft Office. You can
download it (about 75 Mbytes, if memory serves) from:
http://www.openoffice.org/
If you don’t have it (and don’t want to install it), then the .PDF files can be
opened by Adobe Acrobat Reader (or any other program that can view .PDF files,
of which there are quite a few).
The .rtf (Rich Text Format) version of the index can be opened by just about any
word processor or text viewer program that’s worth it’s salt.
Not that I don’t LIKE having Tim in-between us, but Munyin might get jealous.
Not to mention MY wife.
Trust me, there’s no danger of me getting in between anywhere. I’m dangerously
close to old lady status. I’ll try Adobe and if I’m still lost, I’ll get back to you, and
thanks for the help.
9. leigh Says:
Are you referring to James Costigan’s wife at one time? I somehow feel certain
that you’d made her acquaintance.
Hi, everyone, and sorry not to have written back earlier. The ALA was exhausting
and fun at the same time, but I had zero energy left.
Hi, Zanna — no, they’re not really very rowdy, although some of them are in
suspiciously high spirits. I signed for one woman today who burst into cause-free
laughter (as far as I could see) three times in the minute we talked and I wrote in
her book. And I’m so glad SOMEONE has noticed all the titles. I’m actually
having more fun thinking up the titles than writing the blogs.
barbara, it IS heavenly, although with a more interesting bunch of people. I
actually gave up on the free books today and just took five I couldn’t resist.
Everett, alphabaholic? Puhleeeeeze. It was fun, although truly exhausting.
Gary, The guy who asked me whether I was there yet was set right by a really
good writer named Ken Kuhlken, who said, “You’re talking to him,” and then the
poor guy stammered about how much he loved the books to try to apologize or
something until it got really embarrassing for both of us. But he followed me
around all evening anyway. No, he didn’t demand that I redo one of my greatest
hits (so to speak) on the spot, but he wanted to know EVERYTHING about the
next Poke which is, of course, unwritten, which means he knows as much about it
as I do.
Hi, Lil — Librarians are the salt of the earth. All they really care about is bringing
books and people together. I must have signed 50 books over the past two days to
“The XXX Library, with best wishes” so they could be put in the collection. Some
of these people were toting two or three big bags of books, most of which were
probably on their way to library patrons in this age of budget cuts. Your Victorian
house library sounds almost too good to be true, although there’s a great mystery
bookstore in Ohio, Foul Play, that’s in an old Victorian. Amazing store.
And isn’t Everett pathetic? Jeez.
Except, of course, that I’m fairly blown away that he’s archiving all this stuff,
which gives new dimensions to the word “ephemera,” and making it available to
an eager public. Well, an indifferent public that doesn’t know what it’s missing. If
anything.
Hi, Leigh — I don’t think Costigan was ever married. I had the definite
impression that he was uncomfortable around people, and I really doubt he ever
had a wife. Rosemary Harris (a different one) may have been in one of his plays,
though, because now that you mention it, I seem to connect the names, too.
Captcha: Ickery LebensJesu
11.EverettK Says:
Tim said: And isn’t Everett pathetic? Jeez.
on these boondoggles and get busy writing!
Jeez.
12.leigh Says:
He wrote “Love Among The Ruins” after a dream about her.
Everett, there WILL be new ones to proofread, God willing. PULPED is coming
very well even though it’s littered with land mines because it’s (sort of) crossgenre, what with the “supernatural” element, and it sometimes makes me feel like
I’m trying to invent things that other writers have already refined and discarded.
Oh, well.
Leigh, that’s a tremendous piece of information. I may have known it at one time,
but like so much else it’s been lost to the rear-view mirror. As amazing as
Hepburn was, it’s sort of too bad Rosemary Harris never got to act it.
14.EverettK Says:
Tim said: PULPED is coming very well even though it’s littered with land mines
because it’s (sort of) cross-genre, what with the “supernatural” element, and it
sometimes makes me feel like I’m trying to invent things that other writers have
already refined and discarded. Oh, well.
That’s the price of trying something new (to you), of stretching yourself, of
growing into your future you. I always enjoy growing pains much more when
they’re in the body or mind of someone else.
Thanks, Tim, for being my pain-host!
The Blog that Dare Not Speak Its Name: DAY 100!!!
January 9th, 2011
The century mark!
This being the hundredth day of the Stupid 365 Project, I figured I’d kick back and review where
we’ve been.
I planned to identify the Major Themes that have emerged, pass lightly over the highlights and a little
more lightly over the low points. The tone was going to be urbane, mildly self-satisfied (in a modest
way), and forward-looking.
But I’m not going to do any of that. No Major Themes have emerged, and the highlights (except for
Marvin’s poems and the blog Munyin suggested) haven’t actually been that much more elevated than
the low points. So, looking back, we’ve got pretty much what I was afraid we’d have: a collection of
100 relatively short pieces of varying interest. I don’t think I’m any closer to World Wide Web
dominance or the Nobel Prize than I was when I started.
On the other hand, I had a real highlight when I got home from the TOTALLY successful Mystery Day
at ALA last night. I was already feeling great because the day had gone so well, thanks to
writer/organizers Rosemary Harris and Hank Phillippi Ryan (and Naomi Hirahara, who was felled by
stomach flu), and thanks to the hundreds of enthusiastic librarians who had listened to us natter and
then lined up patiently for signed books. (Pix maybe tomorrow). Just a great day.
And then I turned on the laptop and learned that the online mystery group 4 Murder Addicts had chosen
THE QUEEN OF PATPONG as the best book of 2010 and that A NAIL THROUGH THE HEART was
tied for fifth (with writers like Robert Crais, Jo Nesbo, and Malia Nunn), even though it was written
four years ago.
4MA is an impressive group, all 4000 or so of them. They’re writers and publishers and librarians and
fans. They read EVERYTHING and they’re not shy about dissing books they don’t like.
I have to say that this is the most exciting honor of my writing career, because of who gave it to me.
So that’s my hundredth-day high spot.
So much for planning ahead.
This entry was posted on Sunday, January 9th, 2011 at 9:54 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can follow
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14 Responses to “The Blog that Dare Not Speak Its Name: DAY 100!!!”
1. Suzanna Says:
That’s wonderful news, Tim, and I’m even more delighted that the 4MA made you
feel so happy.
How fitting for the 100th Day of your blog project. Thanks for all the high points,
and even the low points, and all that falls in-between.
You’ve done a wonderful job. I hope you realize that even though you may not
receive the Nobel Prize for the blog you certainly are providing thought
provoking, entertaining material to read and contemplate, and I’m really grateful
for it.
2. EverettK Says:
Congratulations, Tim, on making the 4MA list!!!
I’d have to disagree with you, though, on your assessment of the first 100 days.
Were they all golden keepers? No, clearly not. But there were MANY high-points
3. Gary Says:
Congratulations, Tim!
An honor well deserved.
Congratulations on the 4MA honour. Aren’t you glad you took up murder as your
profession?
Can you give a link to 4MA? Can’t find on google…
Congratulations on your 4MA honors. Breathing Water, and Queen certainly stand
out for me. As does your blog. As Everett says, it looks good on this side of the
screen. No, it may not win you a Nobel, but you’ve given a great deal of pleasure
to us, as well as made us think. Lord knows, that’s useful. I’ve admired your
commitment to writing, and how you open up to your (adoring) public. There are
only a few writers who do that, and I’m lucky I guess. I read the best.
Everett will fall down laughing at me giving tech advice, but, Philip, the google
link is just 4MA, at least on my computer. It comes up 4 Mystery Addicts.
Zanna, thanks for the congrats. This is meaningful to me because (a) I need all the
praise I can get, and (b) the 4MA group is one of the most discerning (and
sometimes ascerbic) groups in all of mystery fiction. So this is serious validation.
Everett, they’re ALL keepers for you, since you’re keeping them. I do think it’s
kind of marginally sort of just barely faintly interesting that no themes have really
emerged. I guess I’ve written about writing more than anything else, but that’s
hardly a surprise. Glad I don’t have to categorize these things.
Thank you, Gary — spoken with the generosity for which Aussies are known
around the globe.
Philip, 4MA is a Yahoo group with a subscription base of about 4000. It’s like
DorothyL in that regard. Both groups are GREAT places to find out what new
books are worth reading. (In fact QUEEN jumped about 15,000 in rank today
because of the win. Now I want CRASHED to win.)
I know, I should be satisfied. (But CRASHED did get nominated, didn’t it, Beth?
9. Debbi Says:
Totally awesome news, Tim. Way to go!
And 100 days? Wow!
10.Gary Says:
Everett, if he keeps winning awards like this, we’ll have to start treating him with
respect!
Is that doable?
11.EverettK Says:
Ow. Ow. Oh, god, Lil, stop, please! You’re killing me! Next, I suppose, you’ll tell
us you’re welding together a motorcycle?
[I need to put down an area rug, that floor is hard!]
12.Robb Royer Says:
Everett… do so. It’ll tie the whole room together.
Tim…. sorry, this is 2011. You can’t get famous unless you have no discernible
talent. I’m afraid this lets you out.
13.Glenn W Says:
Tim,
I am delighted to read the good news. You’ve worked your ass off for every
morsel of recognition. Anyone who knows you and your body of work knows this.
Congratulations and soak up all those deserved accolades.
I am certain there are even more good things coming your way.
Cheers!!
Hi, Debbi, and thanks for the congratulations. Yes, 100 days in and I STILL have
no idea what to write about next. It’s like writing a novel; I always think I’m
getting to the point where the rest of the story will simply present itself to me, like
a chauffeur waiting in an airport holding a sign with my name on it. And instead,
there are 150 battered taxicabs, and no way to tell which, if any of them, is the
right one.
Discount similes, anyone?
Gary, Gary, Gary: I wouldn’t know what to do with respect if you gave it to me.
Not that I’m expecting it any time soon.
And Everett, thanks for setting up Robb for the funniest line of the week, and
thanks to Robb for delivering it. And Robb, thanks for the compliment.
And thanks to you, too, Glenn — I always feel a little disingenuous when
someone credits me with having worked my ass off. I do, of course, but I can’t
imagine what my life would be if I didn’t write. And I don’t mean all the fame and
riches the world has so far refrained from showering on me; I just mean the daily
task of sitting down and trying to pull story out of nothing and do it delicately
enough that I don’t force it or break it. With the exception of my marriage, it’s the
greatest joy of my life.
Blog in a Bog, Day 101: A La Recherche du Temps Perdu
January 10th, 2011
I know about the missing accent above. And even if I didn’t, this would be a ruse. The French title, the
picture of Proust — they’re just a tardy and transparent claim to class.
In fact, the past time I wish to recall is last weekend, essentially yesterday and the day before yesterday.
At the ALA convention.
What I really want to say is that mystery and thriller writers are among the world’s nicest and most
generous people. They may spend their time plotting murders and putting themselves inside the
consciousness of fiends, but get them together, and it’s hard to figure out who’s the kindest and most
generous. This is not pablum; it’s Gospel.
We all write different kinds of mysteries: we had writers of historicals, cozies (gardening mysteries,
cooking mysteries, you name it) contemporaries, gay mysteries, hard-boiled — you name it. We had
lots of down time, and what we did was chat. As different as our books were, our challenges and
inspirations were virtually identical.
I especially enjoyed Hank Phillippi Ryan and Rosemary Harris, the women who get the lion’s share of
the credit for Mystery Day at ALA, along with Naomi Hirahara, who was a prime mover but was felled
by stomach flu and couldn’t attend. As tired as I was on Saturday night, Hank and Rosemary, who
hadn’t stopped working all day, had the energy to invote Vicki Doudera and me to some bar somewhere
and talked: book, story, writing habits, publishers, new ideas.
On the new ideas front, it was amazing to see the generosity and support they offered the most
fledgling notion. You know, on some level, we’re supposed to be competitors. But there wasn’t a
smidgen of that in evidence. So: Drive Time, Hank’s latest.
And Vicki Doudera’s:
And Rosemary Harris upcoming (April) book:
This is the way it felt at the signing sessions. The little glimpse of orange at the end of the line is me:
This entry was posted on Monday, January 10th, 2011 at 11:59 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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8 Responses to “Blog in a Bog, Day 101: A La Recherche du Temps
Perdu”
1. Suzanna Says:
Look at all those fans! Who’s that skinny guy at the book table???
That’s terrific that you had such a supportive connection with your writer friends.
It really sounds like you had a great time.
2. EverettK Says:
What I want to know is why it’s all WOMEN who are lined up to see him. You
mean to tell me there were NO male librarians in attendance??? Does Munyin
know about this?
I did buy a copy of Hank Phillippi Ryan’s first book “Prime Time,” as it sounded
interesting. The other two authors sound interesting as well, but they’ll have to
wait their turn. I’ve already got a growing “to be read” stack of files. Sigh.
Nice people who are sort of competitors. What a concept. Sounds like a great
time, Tim — though I know it’s also plenty of hard work.
4. Gary Says:
Respect, Everett, respect!
This isn’t just Tim any more. This is now Awesome Tim, the Award Winner.
No wonder all those pretty young blondes are lining up to see him.
5. EverettK Says:
Aw, shucks, Gary. I guess I’m just an old razzaholic who keeps falling off (or
under) the wagon.
Honest, Marshall, I’ll reform my ways, I promise. Don’t shoot, Marshall, don’t
shoot!
Hi Tim. I’m glad you enjoyed your time at the ALA convention. Like you, Hank
and Rosemary have been very generous with their time and words as I enter the
mystery writing community. Thanks to people like you all, there has always been
a sense of big brother / big sister guidance for me. I do everything I can to pay
that forward. We are lucky to be in such wonderful company.
Hello, there. Once again I apologize for taking so long to respond. I had no time
to write over the weekend, so yesterday I didn’t do anything else.
Suzanna, it’s not so much that I’m skinny as it is that I’m sitting down. It was
great, I have to say, to have that kind of reaction, and it happened at all three
signings.
Everett, I was definitely the csrefully-aged (as they say of steaks) boy bait at the
convention. I actually had one nice and probably very nearsighted lady
compliment me on my hair. And thanks for buying Hank’s book; I’m reading it
after I finish a (terrific) book I was asked to blurb.
Hi, Laren. Writers are remarkably nice people. I think it may be because we
confront our failings and limitations on a daily basis.
Gary, some award winner. I’m no longer at HarperCollins and am searching for a
new publisher, like half the writers I know. But this has actually been good for me
(and I’m not just being a Brave Little Man) and I’ll probably write about that
soon.
Hello, Rachel, and thanks for dropping by. The mystery community is the best I
know: writers, booksellers, editors, fans. We are truly fortunate.
8. EverettK Says:
Tim said: …after I finish a (terrific) book I was asked to blurb.
Okay, now you have to tell us the title and author!
Tim said: I’m no longer at HarperCollins and am searching for a new publisher…
You mean your Poke publisher won’t be publishing the 5th Poke book?
Blog-o-Rama, Day 102: Three Painters
January 11th, 2011
After 101 days of words, let’s look at some pictures.
My brother Michael is a very successful painter.
He became a painter by working nights in restaurants for years so he could have the daylight hours to
paint. And then painting, and painting, and painting. Remember the thousand-hours-for-mastery thing
we talked about all those blogs ago? He went well beyond those. And he has the success, the
recognition, and the beautiful work to prove it. (Above is Beach Mom.)
A while ago, I found myself thinking about a painter named John Sloan, known mainly for his
paintings of New York in the 1920s and 30s. Here’s Sloan’s Sixth Avenue Elevated at Third Street.
Sloane was clumped into the “Ashcan School” of painters although he (like Edward Hopper) hated the
term. The Ashcan School were realist painters who focused on urban scenes and city light, partly in
reaction to the daylight-flooded canvases of the Impressionists, who were the most popular painters of
the time.
It says something about how rigid our standards of beauty can be that anyone could have applied the
word “Ashcan” to Sloan’s ravishing canvases. This is McSorley’s Bar, which is still doing business in
midtown Manhattan, although nowhere near as darkly romantic these days.
I asked Mike, as a painter, what he thought of Sloan, and whether he could suggest two other painters
most people probably hadn’t seen and would enjoy discovering.
This is what he wrote about Sloan: “Sloan is great. The Ashcan painters are the antithesis of Sorolla
and Benson [the two painters Mike suggested to me, and whose work you'll see below], devoid of
romance and what might be called the poetry of painting. The Ashcan painters dare you to find beauty
in the everyday. They mark the beginning of the American abstract movement, which will dominate
gallery and museum shows for half a century. What I mean is that Sloan could paint a snow bank or a
river with one or two bold strokes. This later morphed into greater abstraction and color field
paintings.”
The painters Mike referred to above are Impressionists. He wrote:
“Any list of the best painters who aren’t household names should include Juaquin Sorolla and Frank
Benson. Sorolla was a Spanish painter who was active at the turn of the century (the 1900s). Only the
French could have trivialized him. He understood light better than any of the French Impressionists
and was arguably a much better painter.
“Most Impressionists painted either landscape or figure but not both. Sorolla painted both but was
better known for his figure work. His Sewing the Sail brilliantly captures heatless winter sunshine —
not an easy thing to do.”
“Benson, an American, was very well-known in his prime but somehow slipped off the radar. Unlike
other Americans who traveled to France to experience the Impressionist culture, Benson stayed home
and painted New England and was a better painter for it.
“His water colors are reminiscent of Winslow Homer and may have been influenced by him —
although it is just as likely in that pre-information world that Benson was unaware of Homer. His
paintings have a harmony and, I’ll dare say, beauty that escaped many of his Impressionist
contemporaries.
“Benson was an excellent draftsman, as opposed to a competent sketcher. His oils were almost all
figurative; the difference between his figures and other artists’ of the day was that Benson’s paintings
almost all took place outside.”
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the Benson paintings Mike recommended, except in tiny files that would
have fallen apart at any decent size. But here’s one I love, called Eleanor:
Mike finishes by saying, “What you have to remember about Benson and to some degree Sorolla is that
the world was a wonderful place if you were rich. Sloan sees another world — a grittier world.”
Thanks to Mike, and I hope you enjoy the pictures, all of which blow me away. And here’s a link to
Michael’s site, which I think you’ll enjoy.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 11th, 2011 at 11:25 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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11 Responses to “Blog-o-Rama, Day 102: Three Painters”
1. EverettK Says:
I never cared for the abstractionists too terribly much. Just because the camera
could capture scenes and figures far more accurately than any painter, that was no
reason to totally “leave the scene.” As the above paintings show, there’s MUCH
that a painter can still bring to the canvas that the camera can’t or doesn’t. But
maybe that’s just me.
Sewing The Sail is truly awesome. I liked all of them (including Michael’s!), but
the Sorolla is MARVELOUS! And… I’d never heard of any of these painters
before.
Thanks, Tim!
2. Mae Mougin Says:
Brilliant Blog today Mr. Hallinan~ Thank you for posting the paintings of Sorolla
and Sloan.
We can go to museums and galleries to see them. A visit to Madrid to Sorolla’s
house is a must on one’s bucket list.
When will we see Michael’s work in New York?
M
3. Suzanna Says:
Hi, Tim
I can see Sorolla’s and Sloan’s beautiful work reflected in your brother’s
paintings.
Are they a couple of his heroes?
Mike’s a terrific painter and I’m delighted that he shared his thoughts about the
two schools of painting. Thanks, Mike!
Maybe one day you can get him to talk more about his work? I’m always
fascinated by artists and their creative process.
Everett, aren’t they beautiful? I have a couple more that I couldn’t add because the
post was getting too fat. But they’re beautiful and might get put up later in the
week. Or something.
Mae, thanks. How cool is it that I know someone who knows that Sorolla’s house
can be visited? I’d go to Madrid just to visit it, although Madrid is actually one of
the few places in Europe I really want to see anyway. You’d have to ask Mike
about New York.
Suzanna, I think Mike would admit to being influenced by Impressionists, yes.
And I’d love him to come back and talk about his work, his process, and so forth.
Maybe he’d answer questions if he doesn’t want to free-style.
Check out his site. It’s a good intro, although there should be more paintings up.
5. EverettK Says:
Of Mike’s paintings on his website, my favorites are:
Landscapes: Dana Point Boats, Hibiscus
Family portraits: Beach Girl
Kitchen art: Salsa
Wonderful
STEPHEN COHN tried to respond but was repelled by Captcha. Here’s what he
wanted to say:
Stunning Paintings – such incredible depth of nuance, bringing the magic out of
the mundane. They draw me in – I can practically smell the air and hear the
sounds. I was particularly overwhelmed with Sewing the Sail on first look
because of the radiance of the scene but the darker ones also contain amazing
energy. Fascinating blog, Tim – Thanks for opening some new windows.
Best,
8. Robb Royer Says:
The ultimate ignominious fate of all of us in the 21st century: Repelled by
Captcha. HI Stephen! Thanks, Tim for showing us more Michael. I’ve never had a
home in the last forty (or thereabouts) years without a prominently displayed M.
Hallinan. He lives in a wonderful world.
The atmosphere in Sewing the Sail reminds me of some of the scenes in Much
Ado About Nothing – the Branagh version. All that light and lightheartedness.
Oh, and your brother is a very talented artist.
Hi, FHH — I remember that movie and liked it quite a bit. Well, Spanish light and
Italian light are pretty similar, I think. And the light of California isn’t all that
dissimilar.
Isn’t it interesting how many historians credit the light of Greece to the explosion
of classic Greek thought and art? And Ingmar Bergman would certainly argue that
Swedish light has had a formative influence on their culture and emotional
makeup.
11.Larissa Says:
“Mcsorley’s” is one of my favorite paintings..ever…too bad their beer isn’t better
(ahem.) thank you for reminding me how much I love to look at really good art.
It’s hard to keep up or look back on some of these (and admittedly I hadn’t seen
most of them) and I appreciate you bringing them out in the open.
Sigh. Makes me realize that I should restart my 10,000 hour clock…hehe.
Your brother is goooooood. And anytime you want to invite a real live painter
Bloggus Eternicus, Day 103: Creativity in the Corners
January 11th, 2011
Why do the Japanese salt away creativity in little corners of life we ignore? I think it’s because they
care more.
The graphic above is a bar code. The computer reads it just fine.
It’s one of dozens of whimsical, surprising bar codes Japanese manufacturers have put on their products
lately. Yes, they pay money to tickle their customers’ fancy on the most functional part of a package.
Here’s one I love.
And another:
There are times I think there is more creativity in everyday Japanese life than there is in most American
formal art. Another stroke of packaging genius is the label designed to tell a shopper whether meat is
fresh or not. I mean, how boring is that?
But instead of a faint little “sell-by date” hidden somewhere on the package, forcing shoppers to squint
as they paw through a cold meat case, the Japanese have come up with an hourglass. When the meat is
put in the case, the top of the hourglass is black and the bottom is empty. The longer the package stays
in the case, the emptier the top is and the fuller the bottom. As good as this idea is, here’s the genius of
it: the bar code is in the bottom half of the hourglass, and when that’s gotten too dark, the checkout
scanner can’t read it, so the old meat literally can’t be sold.
Or consider the lowly manhole. What could be aesthetically drearier? Well, look here:
Or here:
Look at that metalwork. Because someone took pride of his or her work in one corner of Japan,
manhole covers all over Japan are gradually being reinvented as municipal art.
This is the kind of thing that can defer the arrival of the Age of the Concrete Slab. We should be
encouraging it. Towns and cities (since all good ideas are local) should be holding contests to identify
low-cost ways to salt little creative sunbursts in otherwise commonplace places. What could be more
commonplace than a bar code or a manhole? Are these examples “common”?
Let’s finish with a field of rice. The farmer planted rice plants with different colored leaves, and since
rice is a grass, they grew into good, strong solids. Here you go:
Tell me this isn’t cool.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 11th, 2011 at 9:56 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
12 Responses to “Bloggus Eternicus, Day 103: Creativity in the
Corners”
1. Sylvia Says:
It’s very cool.
I suspect one reason that art exists in the corners like that is because the Japanese
don’t appear to have a phrase for “Get a life.” There’s a respect for making things
for creativity’s sake that the US and the UK dismiss as wasting time.
I didn’t know about any of these things, and now I’m thoroughly delighted.
Thanks for sharing!
3. EverettK Says:
People are shaped by cultures, and cultures are shaped by people. It’s a feedback
loop. It’s what makes each culture, and makes each culture different.
Each culture has its strong points and its weak points. The American culture
certainly has its weak points, but it has many strong points as well. The Japanese
culture is no different in that respect, nor Chinese, nor Mexican, nor Australian,
And cultures, like people, learn from each other, steal from each other and
compete with each other. America has copied and stolen much from other cultures
over the past 400 years, and other countries have copied and stolen much from
America over the past 100-200 years. And so it goes.
Excellence, in every thing we do, in every little moment of our lives, is a
wonderful goal. When we prepare a meal, it should be the best meal we can make
at that moment (of course, any given moment may be a very brief moment, so it
may just be the best PB&J you can make…) When we rest, it should be the most
excellent rest we can achieve. When we create, we should make our creation as
great as possible, in as many dimensions as possible.
People’s minds are limited, we can only keep so many things “in mind” at once.
All too often, in American culture, Profit has been King and foremost in too many
minds. Profit is a good thing, but if not balanced properly by other goals, the
desire for profit turns it into Greed, and all art is lost.
Which brings us to Balance, one of my other favorite topics, but this screed has
gone on far too long already. Let’s just say that the above examples from Japan
are beautiful examples of balance and excellence (which usually DO go hand-inhand). The functionality is balanced by the art and vice versa, and that results in
excellence.
And I agree: we should encourage this wherever and whenever we can.
And sorry, I can’t
4. Suzanna Says:
I am intrigued by the idea that Japanese ingenuity and love for art comes together
in everyday objects like manhole covers and food packaging and that
extraordinary effort is made to make even an every day object like a bar code
beautiful. The rice field is just amazing.
This reminds me of Balinese culture which has an astonishing level of creative
energy. In Bali there is no word for art. Balinese art is regarded as a religious
practice but is not just for religious ceremonies or temples and everyone from
every class is taught to be creative. Sacred symbols are used on every day objects
as well, such as menus, vehicles, and clothing. The Balinese believe that making
beautiful things pleases God.
There are many other examples throughout the world where every day objects are
made with unusual flair and purpose. I have so much to learn!
Love this topic, Tim, thanks.
5. Glenn W. Says:
Hello Tim,
I’m still back on yesterday’s blog. Just got into my computer after a couple days
away. Hope I’m not breaking some rule of blogging.
Way fun to view some of the work your brother Michael has created. What a great
brother you are to acknowledge him with your praise and respect for his own
creative pathway.
Particularly fun to remember the last time I saw Michael was in high school and
him sitting on the upper bunk of your bedroom and I was flipping him some s**t
about how in the world could he survive amidst so much crap. I don’t think any of
my adolescent distain for messiness compelled him to pick up up one single dirty
sock. But, what the hell, he went on to greater things!!
Nice to hear about him and thanks for sharing a part of your family with us.
Maybe as a group, we’ve lost our sense of humor. For me, these are wonderful
examples of whimsy, just as yesterday’s post was filled with beauty. Thank you,
Tim.
7. Bonnie Says:
This reminds me of a chapter in Jeffrey Steingarten’s book The Man Who Ate
Everything. After being served his meals in exquisite and artful little packages on
a trip to Japan, he found the chicken or whatever it was served on the plane to be
gross and without refinement.
I cannot recommend his books enough (the second is It Must Have Been
Something I Ate.) The books are funny and interesting, even if you’re not a great
“foodie,” and their rather self-deprecating voice is completely different from that
of the curmudgeonly and arrogant judge on Iron Chef America.
8. Munyin Says:
Hi Tim: I love this blog about creativity in the corners. It inspires me to simplify
and to imbue the things I love and take for granted with ever more awareness and
care to the extent that I, too, find ways to embellish upon my daily life &
experience. Too often I trance out and treat everyone and every task with the
sameness of routine instead of connecting on a more meaningful level. Thnx ever
so much!
So happy you all like this. And it seems to have opened up a lot of creative
responses.
Sylvia, creativity for its own sake seems very much what this is about. The idea
seems to be, “If we can, why not?” rather than the Western “Why bother? It’s not
functional.” I personally think that exposing children to creativity everywhere is
an “investment in the future” I haven’t heard any of our national blowhards —
sorry, leaders — talk about.
Rachel, I was delighted, too especially at the bar codes and the “fresh meat”
graphic (which I couldn’t find a photo of). When you visit Japan, it’s interesting to
see whimsy and extra thought everywhere, especially given that so much of the
architecture is resolutely, almost intentionally, ugly.
Everett, I agree. It’s especially easy to overestimate a culture when you’re only
seeing a skim of the best stuff. It’s like foreign movies: I frequently think they
wouldn’t seem so good if we understood the dialogue rather than reading its
meaning distilled into subtitles. And I share your sense that it seems to get back to
Mindfulness — doing whatever you’re doing the absolute best you can.
Suzanna, Bali is different from everywhere else in the world, as far as I’m
concerned. Life there is effortlessly creative, although I’m sure there’s all sorts of
misery and rivalry we don’t see. We should just be grateful Bali isn’t part of
China, where it would be “improved,” like Tibet.
Will come back and answer more a little later.
These are wonderful.
It seems like a similar kind of urge that causes some manufacturers to provide fun
reading on their packaging. I’m thinking especially of Innocent fruit drinks, which
have quirky or whimsical remarks on their cartons.
The visuals are great, though. I love that koala manhole cover. Think how many
people see that and get a lift to their day.
Hi, Glenn — Michael was always an interesting guy. He’s one of those people
who was born an individual and just got more that way, without compromising
who he was. He’s got a kind of single-mindedness I admire; if it doesn’t appeal to
him or if it’ll pull him off his projected track, he just won’t do it. But I have to
correct you on one aspect of your story — if that room had a bunk bed in it, it was
their room, not mine. Mine was never that awful.
Hi Lil — Whimsy is one kind of beauty, right? Especially when it’s expressed as a
creative impulse with the goal of lifting someone’s spirits. The Japanese really
seem to care more about this (in some aspects of life) than we do.
Hi, Bonnie — Haven’t read Steingarten but will. Bento boxes are so civilized;
make the meal container beautiful to enhance the gift of having something to eat.
Mun — We talk about this all the time, but not usually in public. I think that every
day could begin with a resolution to live it more consciously. Otherwise, we miss
opportunity after opportunity to appreciate it, and it becomes no more memorable
than a page torn off a calendar and wadded up for the trash.
Thanks, FHH — we have great packaging in the West, but much of it is aimed at
communicating something about the product. What I like about these is that
they’re essentially function-free.
12.Larissa Says:
Living life more consciously should be everyone’s goal–especially the people I
see driving to work everyday! How do we get people to pay attention? (and yes,
I’m back to meaning it in the Cosmic way and not just in the Stay In Your Lane
way) Hidden beauty in bright corners sounds like as good of an idea as any! If
something is aesthetic it gets attention. Hollywood and Runway TV shows are
built on that principal alone (practically)–why can’t we extend it to the
construction industry? I think it’s brilliant.
There is an artist I found the other day who makes mud paintings on the sides of
buildings. They are random, very interesting little pictures drawn out of mud. The
next time it rains or the sprinklers turn on , or it snows the “artwork” is washed
away. But for that one day, or moment or whatever, that building has a different
aesthetic impact. Neat.
Blogs Across the Water, Day 104: Through Japanese Eyes
January 12th, 2011
More Japanese visuals.
Perhaps as a result of being the only country to experience an atomic attack, the Japanese are fascinated
with post-apocalyptic visions of their own world.
An artist who calls himself Tokyo Genso is one of the most prominent painters specializing in a
deserted, mysteriously devastated Tokyo. The image above shows a nameless alley in Shinjuku soon
after the city emptied itself. Some signs still seem to be lighted, there’s a solitary gleaming streetlight,
and there might also be lights in the skyscrapers. (Click these pictures to see themin a larger form —
they’re worth it.)
In the picture below, though, looking across the river at the now-thriving electronics district of
Akihibara, it’s evident that people have been absent for a long, long time.
Japan also delights in photos of deserted places in the present. Here’s a beautifully eerie picture a of
disused amusement park.
And a truly far-side-of-weird close-up:
But “spooky” is no note to close on. Let’s look at some whimsy. First a couple of letters from an
elegant and witty alphabet by an artist named Yoriko Yoshida. Each picture offers an object with a
Japanese name that begins, if rendered in the Roman alphabet, with the letter suggested in the visual. If
that’s too convoluted, this one is B, and the image is a bonsai.
And here’s
W, for waragi, or straw sandals.
This is high up on my list of the funniest images I’ve seen all year. It’s a subway poster reminding
riders not to forget their umbrellas.
And finally, since we’re still in a new new year, and since it’s the Year of the Rabbit, here are a couple
of wonderful vintage new year’s cards on the theme of rabbits. First, from 1927:
And, finally, a rabbit with whom I can sympathize, from 1915.
For the last time in 2011, happy new year, everybody.
your own site.
6 Responses to “Blogs Across the Water, Day 104: Through Japanese
Eyes”
1. Suzanna Says:
A feast for the eyes today, Tim. Love the vintage Year of the Rabbit card. Great
composition and color.
The Year of the Rabbit is supposed to be peaceful, prosperous, and carefree. No
harm in believing any of that!
Love the subway poster. Umbrellas are . . . important.
3. Larissa Says:
I dig that crazy purple in the second “abandoned japan” scene. Awesome! I want
hair that color hehe…
Again, neat little corners of creativity that seem to pop up out of nowhere.
Suzanna: I will definitely turn all of my attention to believing in the Year of the
Rabbit if it’s supposed to offer all of that! (c: And hopefully by doing so, make it a
self-fulfilling prophecy.
So, Tim, thank you for the random bits of visual candy again today-I’m going to
go hunt down more imagery to indulge in…some creative fires need to be stoked.
Your visual feast continues. Yes, whimsy is a kind of beauty. I must admit I like
Genzo’s paintings, and especially his photo of the deserted amusement park,
evoke all kinds of ghosts, and mystery. It seems that Asian religions allow for
ghosts, don’t they? And in the end, the 1915 Rabbit calls for laughter, and an aw.
Clever, and lovely.
Terrific. Where else would we find these things if not for Tim?
Thanks, everybody. I have thousands if Japanese images that caught my eye —
this could be the first in a series that stretches over months.
Zanna, I love the more abstract rabbit for design but laughed at the other one. The
Japanese have a unique graphic style that I would bet owes some of its
characteristics — flat color areas, simplicity of rendering — to woodblock prints,
which was the great medium there for hundreds of years.
Peg, I personally think the blessing (sorting out?) of the umbrellas is the funniest
image I’ve seen all year. I especially love the apostles’ reactions — they’re
perfect.
Hi, Lil, and thanks. I may do more Japanese visuals as the weeks and months
stretch on and on and on and on
Laren, here and only here. And thanks.
Blogs R Us, Day 105: A Talk with Rebecca Dahlke
January 13th, 2011
Nothing is easier than downloading a book onto your Kindle. Choosing it is another matter.
One of the great things about e-books is that they make it possible for anyone to offer his or her novel
to a global audience without going through a publisher or paying thousands (or tens of thousands) of
dollars to self-publish.
That’s also one of the problems. As writers rush their books into print, the pool of titles gets bigger and
bigger, and the whole market is so new that few effective sifting mechanisms have been established.
For writers (me, for example), that means that our books can languish on a peg with literally a million
others.
Rebecca Dahlke is a mystery writer who took a hiatus after a personal tragedy and then, when she
returned, discovered a new world. Her way in, she decided, was to help people sort through the glut,
while at the same time raising awareness of her name. I really like ingenuity, and I also like the
newsletter Rebecca started to solve her problems, so I asked her some questions. I thought the answers
might interest you.
What is All-Mystery e-newsletter, and why did you start it?
I stopped writing for exactly five years from the day of my son’s death and awoke to the lightning-fast
new world of Internet communication: Blogs! Facebook! Twitter! I knew that if I was going to re-enter
the mystery mainstream, I needed to find a novel way to get readers’ attention — to “brand” my name
and my upcoming books with the mystery audience.
Since I had already created an e-newsletter (for an art group), I saw the possibility for a publication that
could reach hundreds, and eventually thousands, of readers who buy mystery and suspense. I soon
realized that most authors — newbies as well as at those on the NY Times bestseller list — can use as
much publicity as they can get, and free publicity is best. My goal is to take the All-Mystery enewsletter into the in-boxes of every mystery and suspense reader in America.
Until recently you restricted mention in the Newsletter to authors who had been traditionally
published, but now you’ve opened it to writers who are being published for the first time in ebook form. Why did you make the distinction in the first place, and why the change of heart?
I wanted to focus on writers who had been published my mainstream publishers or even smaller firms
(even if they were now writing e-book originals) because publishing houses of all sizes have a
responsibility to vet the submissions and publish the best.
Then I bought on my new Kindle a self-published mystery by a writer who was determined to get her
book out to readers without going through yet another rejection. It was a lovely historical mystery,
expertly edited and a joy to read. So I decided to do one issue that would be all self-published, and
invited authors to submit. We’ve had dozens of submissions. I hope we’ll be able to do it again.
How would you assess the impact of e-books (a) on writers, and (b) on readers?
E-books have made huge strides in the past few years. At the end of 2010, Amazon declared more
Kindle sales than hardcover, and remember that historical mystery author who bypassed the the
mainstream publishers? In 2010, she sold thousands of her books in the Kindle format! Other writers
are letting their publishing contracts lapse, or putting up new books for Kindle — can you say, “Hello,
Money”?
Despite its rapid growth, the e-book industry is still in its infancy. What problems do you see in
the way it works now? Any potential future developments that you hope for or fear?
For all the readers who still like to hold a paperback in their hands, there are thousands more who are
just as happy to turn a page with a click of their Kindle or Nook, and that number is growing daily.
What’s not to like? Oh, book signings where a few people show up — or don’t. Money and time
spent when you could be marketing through the Internet (via All-Mystery e-newsletter, for example) or
putting up a Facebook page for your protagonist — another clever way to win over readers.
There will be growing pains; some bookstores will close and publishing houses will have to change the
way they do business — more e-books, fewer returns, and perhaps more money for them. This new
way of doing business will ultimately change the world of writing and publishing. So what’s to fear?
Weren’t we writers the ones who groaned that publishers had a stranglehold on authors? God knows
that this is one industry that needed a tumble with reality.
How can people get the All-Mystery e-newsletter?
I had to put up a website to explain why All-Mystery e-newsletter is not a website, and how it’s free
and permission-based. There are archives of previous issues for those who are interested, a nifty signup button, an author submission form, and a year’s worth of colorful book covers that roll over each
other. It’s at http://www.allmysteryenewsletter.com/.
Thanks, Rebecca and all good luck.
This entry was posted on Thursday, January 13th, 2011 at 10:05 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
12 Responses to “Blogs R Us, Day 105: A Talk with Rebecca Dahlke”
1. EverettK Says:
I’ve been thinking, ever since I got my e-reader over a year ago, that there will
soon be a need for a new breed of reviewers, ones to sort the wheat from the chaff
in a BIG way. That’s another leg that’s going to have to be crafted in order to keep
the “reading chair” upright and stable as the whole industry adjusts over the next
few years.
You’ve convinced me – tomorrow begins today.
You’ve pointed out a few of the problems – notably that double-edged one, how
does the would-be reader find the diamonds amidst the raccoon-poo, and its
converse, how does the modern Dickens find his readers?
Rebecca’s newsletter is one direction. Might I suggest another. People love to
write, to express their opinions, and they’ll do it for free. Wiki is the way to go.
Wikipedia is the best-known example of a wiki, but it’s only one wiki. Tim, can
we set up a mystery-wiki, where people can review books and authors as is done
on Wikipedia? I’m serious about this – it’s a sort-of blog-on-steroids, and I
honestly believe it would be popular.
Once upon a time books were produced by means of goose-quills and parchment.
Then there came printing. Now there’s the internet. Let’s get with it.
3. Bonnie Says:
Philip, it’s funny you should bring this up now, as I have just been looking into
setting up an experimental wiki on my own host (different goal: tracking new
family law cases) and have also just begun a blog for mystery reviews for a small
group of friends. It could be the wiki would be better suited to this type of task.
My goal with the blog was to create a bunch of categories to that a reader could
do a pretty drilled-down “if you liked this, you’ll like that” kind of search. If Tim
is game I will see whether his current host permits a one-click wiki install and we
could start to play with it. I need to complete this site’s redesign first, but it could
be next on the list.
For one thing, I’d love to have a place where “fans” if you will could talk about
Tim’s books in more depth, but the secondary goal of getting opinions from
people we’ve learned to know even if in a somewhat superficial way would be
great. I’ve been trolling the free-to-$2.99 Kindle market a lot lately, and for every
exciting find (Tim himself, Leighton Gage, Barbara Koch), I’ve found decent
enough books that suffered from not enough experience/editing/good ear, so there
was too much telling and not enough showing, or individual voices were not
always distinguishable/credible. I don’t consider even those books to be a waste
of time, because I’ve been thinking a lot about the craft of writing lately with a
view to venturing out on my own, but when I really want to be spellbound, I want
some kind of guarantee I’ll not be disappointed.
One e-problem that Ms. Dahlke did not address in Tim’s interview is the
unavailability of foreign authors on ebooks. The contractual framework of
publishing has not kept pace with the e-revolution, so while I can buy a German
print book in moments with One-Click from amazon.de, I cannot (without
engaging in a bit of skullduggery) purchase books on Kindle from Australian,
New Zealand, or some British authors. My excitement on reading Craig
Sisterson’s post on DorothyL about a New Zealand prof’s class on female mystery
writers (http://kiwicrime.blogspot.com/2011/01/women-writing-contemporarycrime.html) and learning the names of some highly recommend non-US writers
quickly turned to disappointment when I found that, for example, though several
Vanda Symon books were available on Kindle, they could not be purchased by
U.S. owners.
Thanks for the interview, Tim.
4. EverettK Says:
Philip: Check out this web site for pointers to 5 “book recommendation” web
sites:
Five best book recommendation services
5. I.J.Parker Says:
My compliments on a great idea. May it thrive. Some day I hope to be reviewed
myself (Still trying to get some things on Kindle).
Tim Hallinan is a very nice guy and his books are great. Highly recommended!
The availability of books in foreign countries depends on the contract with the
publisher. Some authors have retained foreign rights. If so, they can execute a
separate contract directly with Kindle and for the country in question. I have this
problem with my American editions. They are not available in the UK. But I have
those rights and can deal directly with Amazon UK, I’m told.
6. Bonnie Says:
Everett, I’m kind of underwhelmed by those choices. If Goodreads is the most
popular and Amazon the 2nd, that’s not a hearty recommendation in my view. A
project I dreamed about but never even tried to tackle was to update the Mystery
Lover’s Companion (http://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Lovers-Companion-ArtBourgeau/dp/5551596214/ref=sr_1_2?
ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1295036560&sr=1-2-spell). You could quibble with
some of his categorizations or opinions, but the structure of the book was pretty
good and I found a lot of good and not-so-well-known authors through it (I think
that’s where I learned about James McClure, an outstanding author of South
African police procedurals). Goodreads has the limitation that you can only see
your own friends’ reviews, and Amazon errs in the other direction…any idiot can
post there and they often do. Stopyourekillingme is probably most comprehensive
but there’s only been a shallow attempt to implement an “if you like this…”
feature. In all fairness, that would be a lot of work in addition to all the other stuff
Stan and Lucinda do.
I.J.: I hope that the complexities of international epublication will be ironed out
sometime soon, along with a more rational use of DRM. We can only wait and
see.
Hi, all –
Looks like Rebecca is addressing an issue a lot of people are thinking about.
Everett, dot’s da problem. We need a whole mechanism of reviews to help us sort
through the sludge to find the diamonds. (Okay, okay, forget that I said sludge.) I
think the Wiki idea is really interesting, but I’d like one more level of ratings, and
that’s ratings for reviewers. Somehow eliminating writers who are just steaming at
a review and want revenge. Maybe impossible.
Philip, the Wiki idea is brilliant. The biggest problem is luring people to
contribute. Some sort of freebie, maybe (e-books?). Once there’s a critical mass of
reviews – 200-300 — I think people would check it compulsively, especially if it
were on a free subscription basis, where those who want them can get weekly email updates with a link to the site. Great idea. Who wants to do it? I’ll participate
creatively (already have a bunch of ideas) but this will eat alive whoever rides
point on it.
Bonnie, great minds, etc. I do think this is a colossal idea. We need about 20
people to get started, just funneling us reviews of e-books. And I think we’d want
to avoid using “Kindle” in the title because Amazon has been sort of taking those
over. I also HATE Yahoo groups, with their assy rules. A subscription website,
free and open to all — that’s the deal, I think.
Bonnie, I have no idea whether WordPress is open to Wikis, nor am I especially in
love with WordPress. But I’m game, and rather than discussing my books, maybe
we could begin with discussions of 8-10 writers, some known, some less so.
Maybe we could think in terms of having a writer guest once a week or
something.
And I share your sense that Goodreads isn’t an ideal forum — for one thing, it’s
dominated by lit-fic folks who look down their long, well-bred noses at us
mystery grunts. This should be genre-specific. The new Sisters-in-Crime study of
mystery fans absolutely PROVES that you talk to them as a group and attract
them as a group.
Hi, IJ — For those of you who haven’t read her, IJ Parker is a powerhouse writer
with (I think) eight medieval Japanese mysteries starrying Sugawara Akitada, an
honest investigator and court official. I’ve read all but the 2010 book, and it’s on
my TBR pile. Try one of her books; they’re marvelous. And she’s right, the
problem of foreign rights is a tangled web that one can only assume will be
simplified now that one Kindle or Nook edition is (at least theoretically) globally
available.
8. Bonnie Says:
Tim: we can install a wiki on your website no problem. Or you might want to start
it as an independent entity, maybe some of us could get together and form a
consortium. I think the problem of screening/rating reviewers can be addressed.
Part of the point of a wiki is that people can edit, change, argue about points of
view, etc. You should see the history of the discussion of Richard III as a murderer
on Wikipedia (says the die-hard Daughter of Time fan).
Let’s talk about this some more when the updates to your website are done. I plan
to get most if not all completed tomorrow afternoon. Will be deploying my new
Teavana tea strainer.
I am excited to learn about I.J. Parker, as I’m getting a bit weary of Laura Joh
Rowland, whom I enjoyed so much at the beginning! Will be checking these out!
9. EverettK Says:
Bonnie: I agree. I was just pointing out what I’d found via Google. Things are
obviously moving in the direction of “review sites” (they HAVE to, with the
explosion of cheap, easy, e-publication), we just have a LONG way to go.
However, when I looked at it, Shelfari and LibaryThing were the first two, and
they sound quite interesting.
To me, the IDEAL site is one that allows you to:
1) Enter books, authors, series and genres, and rate how WELL you like them (or
don’t), and optionally add a review of the book, author or series.
2) Enter ratings for reviews.
As Tim mentioned, there’s the ability for people to abuse the review system, but if
you can rate the reviews (whether you think the review is fair or not, accurate or
not) and each person is limited to a single vote on each review (they can change
their vote at any time, just can’t place multiple votes), then the occasional
disgruntled author won’t carry much weight against all of the other readers.
3) Request recommendations for books, authors, series based upon your prior
ratings, and optionally filtered by genre.
I see no need to limit such a site to E-books. Books that are paper-only right now
The Big Publishers LOVE genres, because it’s an easy, sure-fire way for them to
market books. Unfortunately, it also limits your sales to a select group of readers.
I, for example, USED to read almost 100% science fiction and fantasy. But my
Also witness the replies on the DL list… some folks say, “I’ll NEVER read
xxxxx,” while there have been many others who, while being primarily mystery
readers, have voiced their love for other genre writers (Lois Bujold in SF&F,
several Romance authors).
If someone else loves many of the same books I do, regardless of genre, I’m much
more likely to enjoy other books that they recommend, regardless of genre.
That’s not to say that the posited review/recommendation site shouldn’t allow one
to FILTER for only one particular genre, but I don’t think it should LIMIT you to
that.
I haven’t the time to devote to such a site in any BIG way, but I’d certainly be
willing to contribute $ towards registering and hosting of a domain name.
10.Mike Orenduff Says:
I think the All-Mystery e-newsletter is a brilliant idea. There are plenty of mystery
groups and more mystery blogs than you can shake a dagger at. There are list
serves left and write. Oops – make that right. But where is the source for pure info
about mystery books? The All-Mystery e-newsletter. A force to be reckoned with.
11.Rebecca Dahlke Says:
Hi All, First of all, a BIG thanks for Tim for letting me have a say here on his
blog! I’ve posted it in several places that should draw MORE readers…which is
something that will work for all of us writers! Like the universe, the internet is
expanding and has some dark holes in it. Websites can become black holes unless
savvy authors know how to push new readers to them. Good Reads, which is good
about virtually pressing a new book into a member’s hand, still requires that you
FIND the site. Amazon recommends new reads based on popularity. All Mystery,
on the other hand, publishes new books by new authors and is easily forwarded to
friends of friends without the worry of spamming. Friends can look at it, sign up
or not, but won’t get another issue unless they sign up for more. AND, I have
changed the submittal requirements. Any self-published author can now submit.
The only thing I ask for is the 1st 3 chapters sent as a PDF for consideration. I can
tell, heck, anyone can tell, if in the good story and there’s a mystery or supense in
the rest of it.
I’ll be promoting All Mystery e-newsletter at 2 book fairs in March and then LLC,
Santa Fe and then Las Vegas Writers conference…hope to see some of you at one
of these events.
12.Trevel Says:
I’m suddenly curious if the Stack Exchange structure (e.g.,
http://stackexchange.com/ ) could be put to book reviews and such, like you’re
talking about. It’s designed as a question/answer site, but using the books as
“questions” and reviews as answers would seem to fit the pattern, and it has a
built in reputation system, editing, and ratings.
A wiki has a single opinion; books ought to have multitudes of them.
Falling off a Blog, Day 106: Bangkok Noir
January 14th, 2011
So I had never written a short story before.
And I got a letter from Christopher G. Moore, the godfather of the Bangkok thriller, and one of the
nicest people on earth. He wanted to know whether I’d like to contribute to a collection called
Bangkok Noir, in the company of some really good writers — just look at the names on that cover.
Noir is the perfect genre for Bangkok, which is (as Maugham said of Monaco) a sunny place for shady
people. There are lots of dark spots for cave-dwellers, and God knows the city has attracted more than
its share. If it hadn’t, Chris and I would both be out of story ideas.
So the city is there, the noir characters are there. The problem was that I’d never written a short story.
I know this must be hard to believe for those of you who read “Spirit House,” my immortal Halloween
story, but this is not my natural form. It takes me 15,000 words to figure out what I’m talking about.
By 30,000, I have most of my characters in place. I forget what the word limit was for the stories in
Bangkok Noir — maybe 3,000 words – but it normally takes me that long to get to the first verb.
Anyway, I had a story thread in mind for a Poke novel, about an aging expat, partly lost in dementia,
who disappears into the Bangkok of the 1960s, now buried under hotels and office towers. It was going
to be a sad-comic sub-plot with Poke leading a posse of duffer sexpats through the traces of the
vanished city, and it was going to have a real tear-jerker of an ending, in the sense of happy tears. I’d
tried to use it a bunch of times but other elements kept crowding it out. When I tried to come up with a
story for Chris, that old guy was the first character who popped up.
But the title of this collection is Bangkok Noir, and noir isn’t thick with tearfully happy endings. So I
took the whole thing as a double challenge: first, to work in a form completely unfamiliar to me, and
second to write a really dark story with nothing jokey whatsoever in the tone. And boy, is it dark.
So I wrote it, doubted it, put it away, rewrote it, doubted it some more, and sent it off to Chris, who was
very complimentary about it. But what’s he going to say if he hates it? Anyway, he accepted it and
went to work on his end of things, and five or six months later, it’s coming out (in February) with that
extremely cool cover. Paperback in Thailand, and (I think) paperback, hard cover, and e-book online.
And there will be a big Bangkok launch for it in March, but I won’t be there, unless something
unforeseen happens. I’ll be here, sulking about not being there.
This entry was posted on Friday, January 14th, 2011 at 9:33 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
13 Responses to “Falling off a Blog, Day 106: Bangkok Noir”
1. EverettK Says:
Re-read this old (Aug 8, 2007) blog entry of yours, Tim:
Who ARE These People?
and then tell me, what did Munyin think of Hansum Man. Just curious…
2. Gary Says:
Great news, Tim!
And all publicity has to be good publicity. Hopefully this will increase your
visibility and boost your sales.
Who needs HarperCollins anyway? (I haf ze finger snap in your face. Pah. Like
zat!)
3. Christopher G. Moore Says:
Tim,
You’ve written a terrific story for Bangkok Noir. You are one of the most modest
authors on the planet. But your fans know how very talented you are. And I am a
fan. Your contribution to the collection is both insightful and moving. It is a short
that I am proud to be associated with as editor.
Christopher
I’m expecting a winner. (Haven’t been disappointed yet.)
Hi, Everett — I didn’t read it to her. She likes knowing that my stories end well
and I told her this one — well, no point in giving the game away.
Hey, Gary, and welcome back. One hope that all publicity is good publicity, but as
someone who was once in publicity, I have my doubts. And the one thing about
HarperCollins is money. Large sums of money. You can argue about how well
they do this and that, but the check clears every time.
Hi, Chris — Typically generous reaction from a guy who’s so modest he didn’t
even include one of his own stories in the collection. Talk about self-control.
Hey, Laren, thanks. This one’s a bit, umm, different. But there are all those other
writers.
6. EverettK Says:
Laren: Other than it being ‘short’, you won’t be disappointed by this one either.
But like Tim said, it IS a bit different. ’nuff said.
7. Sylvia Says:
I forget what the word limit was for the stories in Bangkok Noir — maybe 3,000
words – but it normally takes me that long to get to the first verb.
This made me laugh out loud. The anthology looks fascinating and I’ll be sure to
pick it up.
I’m in. I really the “Noir’ collections-they are one way I travel, and I’m sure this
will be a good one. After all, your story is in it.
Ouch-that is,”I really like the “Noir” collections.
10.Debbi Says:
This is part of the Akashic Noir series, right? Awesome! I’ve read a few. They’re
great.
Funny. Short stories are hard to write. I’ve done a few, though. I’ve even got a
short ebook anthology of them, I managed to cobble together.
11.Philip Coggan Says:
Pico Iyer? And Colin Cotterill does noir? This is a book I have to buy. Oh yeah,
it’s got Tim Hallinan in it too…
Sorry to have let these note go unanswered for so long, but I’m drowning under
writing one book, proofing another, and reading three novels for blurbing. And
life, of course. But I’m grateful to hear from all of you, and would hate for you
not to know that.
Lil and Debbi, this isn’t Akashic but Heaven Lake Press, an Asian firm. But that’s
quite a lineup of writers, and I think the stories will be great.
Hi, Philip — Yes, Iyer, Cotterill, Stephen Leather, Burdett, Stone, Barrett, and
Moore, plus some others whose work I haven’t read but whose talent I don’t
doubt. Sounds good to me.
13.Stefan Hammond Says:
Congratulations Tim…WOW, what a collection of authors! nice cover design too,
but…Pico Iyer?! Color me impressed. Not to mention about ten other names.
Congrats to you and CGM
Wrote you on the excellence of “Breathing Water,” but having finished the book, I
think you’ve hit your stride in an area few enter. This is ACE fiction: grabs you by
the arm and drags you along for the ride. I’m lending my precious copy to my coworker who’s married to a Thai woman with a couple of teenage kids: they go
back to Chumphon (her hometown) every year so the kids get some of their own
culture–and he’s up on the political scene so he will appreciate it…assuming he
reads it over CNY.
Great yr having a book-launch in March, but I won’t be there either…no travel
plans at present outside southern China, which is pathetically chilly at the
moment.
s
The Long and Winding Blog, Day 107: Gritty and Great
January 16th, 2011
Munyin and I saw TRUE GRIT last night. It’s pretty much perfect.
If I were still teaching writing, I would assign this movie, along with a relatively small number of
books and films, to my students to help them answer the question, what is a story? I haven’t read the
Portis novel, but I’m going to assume that the Coen brothers were relatively faithful to it. The film
feels literary, but not in a bad way.
TRUE GRIT boils story down to essentials:
A highly focused and fascinating central character, Maddy, who wants one thing in the world at the
expense of all others — in this case, to see her father’s death avenged.
Two complex secondary characters, Rooster Cogburn and LeBoef, who are focused on the same goal
but for different reasons than Maddy.
A straightforward story progression, acted out against an increasing emotional involvement among the
three principals.
A blisteringly beautiful setting that’s also deceptive and occasionally deadly.
Antagonists who are both convincingly bad and convincingly human.
A sensational and only slightly off-the-wall (the snake) c0nclusion.
One of the strong points of the story — rammed home, as is so often the case, by the lone exception —
is that everything that comes to pass in the conclusion has been laid in during the story’s opening
section. (The snake, which I won’t describe farther for those of you who haven’t read the book or seen
the movie, is literally the only thing that comes out of nowhere.)
And the film itself is severe, formal, funny as hell, beautifully written and even more beautifully shot,
and the casting is superb. I mean John Ford superb, but without the familiarity of Ford’s stock company
of actors. There’s a brilliant two-scene turn early in the movie by Dakin Matthews as Stonehill, a sharp
dealer who probably cheated Maddy’s father but who more than meets his match in Maddy. The scenes
were probably in the book to demonstrate to us Maddy’s toughness and intelligence, but Dakin
Matthews hits it out of the park. (By the way, if you’d like to read an amazing life, look up “Dakin
Matthews” on Wikipedia.)
Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon are both wonderful, and Damon is hilarious as well. Hailee Steinfeld is
perfect as Maddy. But the movie’s most surprising performance to me doesn’t even hit the screen until
the film is 90% over, and we finally see the killer we’ve been tracking, and he’s Josh Brolin. And he’s
marvelous — petulant, childish, funny, and dangerous as hell.
Great story. Great movie. My personal favorite of the year.
This entry was posted on Sunday, January 16th, 2011 at 10:34 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
15 Responses to “The Long and Winding Blog, Day 107: Gritty and
Great”
1. Larissa Says:
I love the Coen Brothers and I’ll definitely have to check this one out. I saw a
brilliantly done film last night as well-The King’s Speech-it pretty much has all of
the components that you’ve touched on here-it’s painful, funny and beautifully
shot. I hadn’t heard of it until a friend of mine suggested it and now that I’ve seen
it, I have to tell everyone to go do the same. (c:
True Grit sounds awesome, for sure. Maybe I’ll actually have the rare occurrence
of seeing two good movies back to back.
2. EverettK Says:
I’ve been aware of the remake, and I’ve been keeping my fingers crossed that
they’d do a good job of it. Thanks for the review!
3. Glenn W. Says:
Thoroughly agree with your critique of the movie. And as blasphemous as it is to
say or dare put in print, I like it (for various reasons)even more than the John
Wayne version. There, I’ve said it.
But as in all westerns, what makes it particularly special is that it has horses….lots
of horses.
4. Gary Says:
Awww!
How can we like it more than John Wayne? Eyepatch, reins in his mouth, a pistol
in each hand, galloping towards the foe and shouting, “Fill yore hands, you sons
of bitches!”
But if you’re putting it in the same league as “The King’s Speech”, I guess I
should check it out.
5. Gary Says:
Or did he shout that before he put the reins in his mouth?
6. Sharai Says:
Yes! True Grit was 100%. It feels so good to walk out of the theater without a
single nitpicking thought, just satisfaction. We just saw BLACK SWAN, which
was pretty black. There were many times I felt it wasn’t working but each time
Aronofsky pulls it back from the edge with just enough grace – or maybe Natalie
Portman gets the credit. In the end I did feel I’d seen some good art. I’d love to
read your take on it when you’re lacking blog material. So far the ideas just keep
rolling don’t they!
The cover of BANGKOK NOIR is amazing!!!!
7. Jen Says:
True Grit blew my mind!
My favourite line was the kid outside Stonehill’s- “We ain’t allowed to speak your
name”.
I have to agree- pretty much perfect.
It kind of makes me not want to read the Portis or see the original…
I don’t know if that’s good, bad or ignorant.
Anyway, sorry not to really contribute to your blog via this comment. This movie
just makes me want to jump up and down and type stupid stuff anytime someone
mentions it. THAT. GOOD.
Thanks for the relevant-to-writing breakdown!
8. Robb Royer Says:
If a – oh lets not say disagreement – let’s say discussion, cognitive bifurcation,
any of that – were to appear on these pages I trust it would not derange our half
century of mutual love and respect. If I’m wrong say so at once and I’ll shuffle
back to my grotto.
But on the subject of True Grit, which I abashedly admit I have been referring to
as Faux Grit (sorry Bonnie and Everett, no time for italics here, I’m on a roll)…
the thing is, I don’t really disagree with anything you said about the movie itself.
The Coen brothers are brilliant filmmakers, the performances are terrific, it’s shot
brilliantly… ‘tho I did think they blew the epilogue. They made her seem so
barren and unpleasant and off-putting, she seemed in retrospect hardly worth
saving. Certainly a disturbing downhill run from the fascinating and determined
little girl we saw through most of the movie.
But aside from all this, the problem for me was it’s remake-ness. Yeah, I know
Huston’s Maltese Falcon was the third one, same with Flynn’s Robin Hood, but
THESE ended up as the classics. Frame by frame, with few exceptions, I thought
this film compared poorly with the John Wayne classic and I felt the Coens were
being disingenuous about the amount they were borrowing from thew original.
Can anyone watch the horse trading scene and tell me that guy wasn’t doing
Strother Martin? Or that the bad guy wasn’t doing Robert Duvall? Would you
rather watch Strother Martin and Robert Duval or someone doing them? The little
girl was arresting, but she mumbled and for me Kim Darby was much more
believable in her sesqui-speak.
I am aware the turd in the punchbowl of my argument is Glenn Campbell, who
can’t act compared with Matt Damon who does it rather well. But ‘fill yore hand
you sonuvabitch’ spoken by anyone but John Wayne? For me, no. And this
ultimately was the problem. The original never went away. It was the movie’s
doppelganger, like a blurred superimposition on the screen, like George and
Marion haunting the whole movie. I also thought the Coens should have at least
acknowledged the original in the credits. Instead they acted like they they wrote
an original screenplay directly from the book and didn’t actually even see the John
Wayne version. Those guys just happened to clone Strother and Duval. Please!
Nothing wrong with a tribute just ‘fess up!
For me, award wise, you can’t compare even an excellent remake like True II with
heart-stopping original concepts like Social Network or Kings speech.
But that’s just my ‘umble ‘pinion mahster, I’m off to the grotto now.
What I have to say about this movie is that it’s great, great, great. Even Munyin,
who watched scary parts (there aren’t many of them) through a large throw pillow,
loved it.
Jen, it does make me want to read the Portis, although not see the original — I
saw it a long time ago, and there’s no way I’m trading Hailee Stansfeld for Kim
Darby or Matt Damon for, gulp, Glen Campbell. Not to mention Beau. I can’t
think of a single element that didn’t work 100%. If the dialogue came from Portis,
though, I want to read Portis, but not till the e-book prices come down some.
Sharai, we have similar tastes, although I’m too much of a chicken to watch
BLACK SWAN and Mun would have to watch it from inside the coat closet —
her pillow wouldn’t be anywhere near big enough. And I’m with you about TRUE
GRIT being perfect. And what makes it better, to me, that THE KING’S SPEECH
and SOCIAL NETWORK is that it takes a huge swipe at near-mythic material and
succeeds. People will be watching TRUE GRIT when SOCIAL NETWORK
(which I really liked) is gathering dust on Netflix’s shelves.
Gary, they kept the line, which probably comes out of the book, and it got a cheer
from me and a muffled whoop from behind Munyin’s pillow. I like it better than
THE KING’S SPEECH or SOCIAL NETWORK, and I loved both of those.
Although I don’t think any actor I’ve seen this year can touch Colin Firth in TKS.
There, Mun, I said it. You can put down the steak knife now.
Glenn, BOY are there horses. The last sequence has to make you speechless with
horse admiration. But I’ll take it over the Wayne version any time, mainly for the
performances (the hilarious Matt Damon over the unintentionally funny Glen
Campbell) and the amazing, unique, sui generis dialogue. And the Wayne movie
was directed by Henry Hathaway, one of my favorites. But still . . .
One of the things that occurs to me now is that most of the adult characters,
including Rooster, LeBeouf, and the outlaws, were big, willful, rampaging,
dangerous, self-mythologizing children, and Mattie was the only real adult in the
story.
Everett, all I can say is, see it. We watched at home (Academy screener) but I
would have LOVED to have seen it on the big screen, whereas I didn’t feel that
either TKS or SN was harmed by being shrunk. I have to say, I think the
cinematography was (almost) on a par with LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, which is
my all-time reference point for panoramic films.
Riss, glad you liked TKS. We watched it three times in two days, although that
was partly motivated by Mun’s inability to breathe in and out if Colin Firth wasn’t
visible. We’re over that now, I’m proud to say. Tonight we’ll be watching him as
Mr. Darcy in PRIDE AND PREJUDICE.
While you were seeing True Grit, we were seeing The Fighter. How interesting it
is to read a blog with several positive movie reviews all at the same time. The
fighter is a winner, also, not only for a well told story, but also for superb casting
and acting. Totally believable — and, during the end credits, there’s a little
vignette that makes it all the more real.
Thanks for the scoop on True Grit.
Robb — I was wondering when you’d weigh in.
In the interest of candor, I think you’re totally right about the epilog — dreadfully
sour — and totally wrong about everything else. I infinitely prefer this movie to
Wayne and Hathaway’s, if for nothing else because Kim Darby was so wearyingly
one-note as Mattie and Hailee was so fine. And I can’t overlook Glen Campbell,
who not only could barely get on his horse but was also completely incapable of
participating in the web of emotional ties that arose among the three of them as
the movie went on. I love John Wayne, but I’ll take Jeff Bridges as Rooster.
I think your point about the Coens being disingenuous about the Hathaway movie
is on the ball. In the first 60 seconds of Dakin Williams’ first scene, I said to Mun,
“That would have been Strother Martin 40 years ago,” although I don’t think I
have any memory of Strother Martin in the part. But I liked the scene better
because I had never seen Dakin Williams in my life, and he WAS Stonehill to me
(and because he knocked it out of the park). And I really thought Brolin was
wonderful — a big, petulant, violent, homicidal child.
BTW, I got it all wrong about the snakes being thrown in at the end, as Mun
pointed out to me; they’re laying down ropes to protect Rooster from snakes all
the way through the movie, and he tells her she doesn’t have to worry about them.
But I’ll put TG up against TKS or SN any day. The Academy may not agree with
me, though — the Golden Globes went on as though TG didn’t exist.
Hey, Laren — I’m thinking about The Fighter, but Munyin would have to be in
Kansas or something when I watched it. But I really do want to see it.
12.Bonnie Says:
Wouldn’t True Grit be up for next year, though? I’m never sure how that works.
I’ve not seen TG yet (am terrible about making myself go to movies alone, and at
home I’d almost always prefer a book to a movie), but I am torn, as I really have a
thing about remakes, especially soulless American remakes of foreign films
(Mostly Martha != No Reservations, no way, no how); OTOH I adore the Coen
brothers. So we’ll see.
Just wanted to share with Munyin, if you are willing to facilitate, the sisterly joy
in watching Colin Firth do *anything*! (I even saw that travesty Nanny McFee,
though admittedly I’d switch sexual orientation for Emma Thompson, too.) I envy
you your P&P session tonight, and so far have not been persuaded there’s any
reason to view the Kiera Knightly version.
13.EverettK Says:
Just back from seeing True Grit. LOVED it! I agree, the cinematography was
beautiful, the acting was pitch-perfect, the writing and directing top-notch.
As the for the “tacked-on ending,” I’m not entirely sure, but that may have been in
the first version also. It seems AWFULLY familiar anyway. Maybe I’m
remembering a different movie, it’s probably been 30 years since I’ve seen it. But
I can well believe the book might have ended that way. Things read differently
than they film. I think a different ending than that one would have worked better,
but to each their own, I suppose.
Hey, Bonnie — it’s a great movie and not a pallid remake. I didn’t know Colin
Firth was in “Nanny McPhee,” and I’m not telling Munyin.
15.EverettK Says:
By the way, Tim, I’m curious, are you a member of the screenwriter’s guild, or
how does it work that you qualify to screen the Academy Award nominees
(besides living in southern Cal)?
Blogs-A-Million, Day 108: Voices
January 17th, 2011
This is an interesting situation. I’ve reached a point I’ve been striving toward for four months, and now
that I’m here I’m completely unprepared.
The situation is the section of PULPED — roughly the last third — in which Simeon Grist and
Madison Jefferson come together. It’s the section I’ve been aiming at since I started writing this thing.
The issue is voice, and here’s how I got here.
Part One is called THE IMAGISPHERE and takes place in the “limbo” that discontinued mystery and
thriller series characters inhabit, a sort of rundown genre sub-paradise in which hard-boiled private
eyes rub shoulders (not by choice) with the central characters of quilting mysteries, paranormal
detectives, English country-house butlers who solve murders when not polishing the silver, and that
most dreaded of all fictional detectives, the amateur sleuth.
They sit around up there in their respective fictional settings — Topanga shack, ancestral home, etc. —
which have all been crammed together into an architecturally very disjointed neighborhood. With
nothing but time on their hands, the characters hash over old cases and complain about their writers,
who weren’t good enough to keep them in print.
In fact, they’re all bored senseless. The title of the first chapter in the book is I Sneeze Wetly in the
General Direction of Your Boredom.
Once in a very great while the prevailing mood of irritated stultification is broken. Someone in the
“real world” opens one of few remaining copies of the detective’s — let’s say Simeon’s –books, and for
that period of time, the detective has a “window” into the world of books and readers. And then, while
Simeon and a character named Lobelia (from a series of cooking cozies with titles like Chocolate is
Murder) are watching one of Simeon’s last surviving readers, someone wraps a pair of very large and
capable hands around the reader’s throat and strangles him.
Simeon wants to get to the bottom of the murder (for one thing, it’s the first fresh one in decades, and
for another, he doesn’t have enough readers to take calmly the loss of one of them) and then various
odd things begin to happen “up there” that suggest that the murder of Simeon’s reader might have its
roots in someone who’s up in limbo.
All of this section is told in Simeon’s first-person, which is kind of lippy and irreverent, just like all the
other first-person private eyes I was unconsciously stealing from when I wrote the six books in which
he appeared.
And then, for Part Two, which is called JOSHUA TREE, we go to the very un-ethereal high desert of
San Bernardino County, where we find ourselves with Madison Jefferson, an unfortunately-named
young woman who worked in a crummy used-book store with the murdered man — and who, in fact,
found the body. Madison is one of the unexpected delights of writing this book. She’s got a nervous,
self-deprecating intelligence and a well-concealed spine of toughness, and she’s a joy to write. In fact,
just yesterday she said my favorite line of dialogue in the book so far.
And she becomes involved inadvertently in the investigation of her colleague’s murder; she discovers
that he was hopelessly in love with her, that he was lonely and sad, and that, in retrospect, she had been
a self-involved twit not to be more conscious of him and, just maybe, pay some attention to him and
make him a little happier. Then she realizes that he was in the middle of something extremely odd and
even ominous, and that she’s possibly in serious trouble.
All of this is told in what I think of as Madison’s Third Person, an extremely close third person, as
though the camera were right on her shoulder, but it mirrors her thought processes, notices things in the
order in which she would notice them, shares her reactions, and even occasionally dips into her mind. I
could write this third person happily forever.
But I can’t. In order to resolve the mystery and keep Madison’s feet out of the fire, it’s necessary to get
Simeon into the “real world” (quotations are necessary) and bring them together. That’s Part Three,
THE TWAIN SHALL MEET.
And the voice is causing me conniptions.
I don’t know what I thought I was going to do. Right up until the moment they see each other for the
first time, the two voices work great. And then they’re sharing a page, and everything goes out the
window.
At the moment, I’m using a more generalized third person (it feels so weird to call Simeon by name in
the narrative, instead of “I”) with occasional swoops into Madison’s Third Person for a few pages — a
chapter section, for example. This is a unique situation for me — for the first time ever, I (a) can see
quite a way ahead in a story, and (b) have no idea how to write it.
And voice is, if not everything, pretty close. Well, we shall see what we shall see.
This entry was posted on Monday, January 17th, 2011 at 9:54 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
9 Responses to “Blogs-A-Million, Day 108: Voices”
1. EverettK Says:
No problem, Mate! Here’s what you do:
You separate Simeon’s and Madison’s stories by paragraph, and you write
Simeon’s first person and left-justified,
and you write Madison’s in third person and right-justified.
See? Problem solved!
No?
Sheesh. Some people are so focused on their own problems that they just refuse to
see a solution when it’s handed to them along with their head…
[Seriously, I have UTMOST confidence in you, Tim. You've not failed to find a
solution yet!]
Another fine mess you’ve gotten us into. Wait, I said that about something else in
an earlier blog.
This sounds very intriguing. I love the picture-so who is in charge of the voice.
I’m with Everett on this one. You always manage. By the way, thank you for the
insight into how you compose, (and how to look at movies).
4. Bonnie Says:
I’m picturing Simeon starting (and then apologizing and stopping and then
starting again) to talk to Madison in the first person, as though he were treating
her as another reader, and under whatever form of admonishment is appropriate to
her personality, gradually getting used to talking to her as though she were another
character in one of his books.
But that’s a facile, off-the-cuff suggestion for a problem that I’m sure is much
more complex.
—
Slight topic shift: One of your Bangkok book critics on Amazon complains that
your characters don’t “sound” Thai. My kneejerk reaction to that was, “Oh, you
are the kind of person, Mr. Snotty Reviewer, who would have all the actors in a
Chekhov play speaking English in broken accents reminiscent of Boris and
Natasha (as one actor friend told me once, “it makes me wish there were no W’s
in this play”).”
But after getting over my snit-fit, I wondered how much/hard you think about
which language a given character is speaking at any time in the Poke books. One
of the reasons for this is that I think they would be awesome as audio books, and
if I knew how to get the folks at Audible interested, I’d work on them. It’s just
really tricky to convey language differences when you are dealing with two
languages but only one can be used in the narrative (for obvious reasons).
One of the most amazing tours de force in this regard was performed by the guy
who wrote the Raj Quartett (I’m blanking–Scott? Scott something?) Without using
any funny spelling or weird apostrophizing he so completely nailed Lady
Chatterjee in her narration that I thought I was listening to my old boss at IIASA,
Kirit Parikh (whose native language I believe was Gujarati).
Sorry, that wandered a bit. I’m still a bit out of it. Will probably dream in html
tonight.
5. Gary Says:
It would probably be far too heavy to have Madison’s voice always in italics from
the beginning. If you minimize the amount of story with both voices together, and
if they’re in each other’s presence, you could preface each voice passage with a
reference to the other person.
She’s lying. I can tell from her eyes. (Simeon’s voice continues)…
He thinks I’m lying. (Madison’s voice continues)…
And then maybe after that by using alternating paragraphs – like unattributed
dialog, but without the quotes. And terminate it with some dialog aloud, in quotes,
to make it clear that the thinking ‘exchange’ has ended.
I dunno. It’s a tough one.
It’s tough but intriguing. I wonder if a compromise voice is more distancing than
finding a way to use either or both of the other voices… but what do I know?
I’ll be interested to hear how you resolve it.
Gosh, Everett, I tried your right-left notion and it made every page look like a
losing position in Tetris.
Laren and Lil, it is a mess, but I have no choice but to work my way through it.
I’m in the process of deciding that the solution is to take the story in such an
interesting direction that people would read it if it were in pig Latin. Of course,
now I have to think of sufficiently interesting story elements, but this little insight
had the effect of re-centering me in the way I look at the book, and bang! some
new story arrived.
Hi, Bonnie — I think a lot about the language people are using, but then I
generally junk it as long as they don’t get too colloquially American. It’s easy to
mimic language patterns and they will often remind us that we’re reading a
translation of another language, but we have to remember that among the people
who are speaking, those patterns are virtually inaudible; they’re sifting the words
for meaning just as we are when we talk to one another. We American rarely
remark (if we’re not writers, that is) on how “American” someone sounds —
that’s the observation of someone to whom we sound “different,” and since the
people who speak Thai to each other don’t sound “Thai” to each other, I just leave
it along and go for clear, interesting, largely uncolloquial English
So, re: voice, everyone — I’m refocused on story, trying to make it so compelling
that voice won’t detract from it, while at the same time remaining open to any
inspiration that may pop it vaporous little head up.
8. EverettK Says:
Why not have somewhat alternating sections, some told from Simeon’s point of
view which would be first-person, of course, and some told from Madison’s point
of view which would be close third-person. Each section would be headed by
Simeon or Madison to help orient the reader. You wouldn’t want to jump back
and forth TOO often or the reader would get whiplash. But a switch every halfchapter to chapter would certainly be bearable. And this would give the added
advantage (maybe, your mileage may vary) of allowing the reader to see each
character from the OTHER character’s point of view.
What I’m doing so far, Everett, is using a generalized third person when they’re
together and when Simeon is on his own, which he is briefly after they’re taken
prisoner, and Madison’s very close third whenever I feel like it — usually for a
chapter section, the kind that I set off in manuscript with asterisks.
And it seems to be working fine. I played with going back and forth between
Poke’s first and Madison’s close third in the 2-3 chapters before they finally meet,
and the meeting is actually seen from both perspectives. Then, after a long Poke
first-person segment as he gets them out of the fix they’re in (alternated with
Madison’s third) we’re into the second person most of the time.
But it’s nice to know that I really have three voices available to me, because a
change of voice (when it’s justified) is a great way to kick off a chapter.
E-blogging for Life, Day 109: E-book Miscellany
January 18th, 2011
The idea for a review wiki, floated here by Philip Coggan and referred to and refined by those who
followed, is very appealing, but some of the writers I e-mailed about it have some issues with it.
There’s already an idea for a site that would offer e-books for review to people who wish to review
them. This is an e-book version of Netgalley, a site that traditional publishers use to offer advanced
reading copies of paper books to more-or-less qualified reviewers. The e-book equivalent of this site,
which has been suggested by a very good writer, CJ Lyons, would not run reviews; rather, the
reviewers would post reviews on their own site and, ultimately, on Amazon.
So issue number one seems to be, Why go for reviews that take readers anywhere but to Amazon?
Issue number two is, How do you bring readers to the site?
This is a good question. If I can’t publicize my own books very effectively, why do I think that I/we
can publicize a whole new site that refers to my books, among the books of hundreds and hundreds of
other writers? I don’t know the answer.
But it still seems to me to be a very good idea. I find Amazon difficult to browse; most people either
don’t know how to use tags or don’t want to be bothered with it. I think a well-organized
mystery/thriller site would draw mystery/thriller readers. Also, I can say from personal experience that
good Amazon reviews don’t necessarily produce sales. CRASHED now has fourteen reader reviews,
each one five stars, and the sales are nothing to stop the car and take snapshots of.
Ninety-nine percent of the time, Amazon reviews only reach people who have already gone to the
book’s page. Those people are already half-sold. One of the primary objectives of the wiki site would
be to direct readers to those pages.
I take CJ’s point that one thing we need desperately is more reviewers — some sort of sifting
mechanism is essential if potential readers aren’t going to get frustrated by the sheer volume of
available books and go back to buying that week’s new James Patterson. So the wiki site, as I imagine
it, would communicate aggressively with book bloggers and reviewers, offering them a whole shelf of
free e-books from which they can choose.
This is an enormous task, and not one I can shoulder, but that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it.
On another front, a reader named Doug Asherman, who has been kind enough to write me about my
books, asks how I feel about the new lending policy on Amazon, that allows Kindle owners to lend a
new book once, for a limited period. Doug says he has a writer friend who’s miffed by it because
independent e-book authors on Amazon don’t get a chance to opt out of the lending project.
It doesn’t bother me at all. I hope everyone who buys one or more of my books will lend all of them. I
hope they find a way to defeat the “one-time” limit. I want everyone to get a chance to read all of
them. One thing tree-book writers don’t often have the guts to bitch about much is the used-books
market, although it cuts the feet out from under us. A week after we’re published, used versions of our
books are available online at substantial savings, and we don’t see a nickel of it.
E-books sort of solve that problem. I don’t believe they’ll ever turn up in large numbers on the usedbooks marketplace for two reasons. First, they’re already cheap. How much profit is there in
undercutting a $2.99 or $3.99 books? Second, there’s no physical book to sell. We might eventually
see free file sharing of e-books (as we have with music) and, in fact, there are already a few sites that
do that. But I think the millions of people who traded free music files were rightfully pissed off at the
music industry and also felt that music stars were so rich and over-privileged that they couldn’t be hurt
by some swapping. Anyway, let’s face it: the hunger for new rock and rap is more acute than the
hunger for new books.
So lend away. Just don’t buy my e-books used.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 18th, 2011 at 10:09 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
12 Responses to “E-blogging for Life, Day 109: E-book Miscellany”
1. Bonnie Says:
This is a day-job day for me, so I won’t spend much time: but this is a project I
want to get my teeth into sometime. Amazon is too unsystematic. I think if we
(not sure who “we” is but happy to start the experiment on my own server) treat
the thing initially as (a) and experiment and (b) a Regency club, where new
members must survive the blackball process, we could see where it went. By
starting with a small group of good reviewers and really insisting on the discipline
of drilling down and assigning categories, we might be able to create something
that will not lose quality as it grows.
Obviously I have some other projects to finish up before I get engaged in this, but
I’m willing to do the scutwork and initial set-up–maybe in about a month?
I got an email from Margaret Koch this morning, by the way, thanking me for a
favorable mention of her (e)books on DorothyL. She also expressed complete
bafflement as to how to promote her work, and it is really worth promoting!
And for every Barb Stark mystery ($2.99) there’s another that wasn’t worth even
that. Reliable referrals are really important to me.
The main thing I’m waiting for from amazon is the ability to give a Kindle book
to someone else. That’s not available in the UK yet.
I rely on mentions on DorothyL and other blogs (The Rap Sheet) to discover new
authors. Bonnie, I bought the first of Margaret Koch’s books right after I read
your recommendation. This to me is the value of these blogs, in addition to getting
to know what authors like. I like the idea of a combined list, and I would like to
see a more interactive mode. I’m no techie-as is known-but I would subscribe, and
contribute if appropriate.
It seems to me there are a couple of issues here. One is credibility and the other is
spreading the word.
I don’t know how to deal with the credibility issue. Amazon reviews are generally
written by fans whose pov may not be reliable because they are more likely than
not, biased.So fan reviews may have less impact than professional reviews. And
even professional reviewers are sometimes suspect. So reviews are an issue that I
don’t think can be resolved.
As for spreading the word, that’s a perpetual question in any field and particularly
in publishing, as far as I can tell (9 feet, 2-3/4 inches). I think one of the strongest
resources is an alliance of like-minded authors who are willing to spread the word
about new works by their friends to their own blogs/emailing lists.
And that may be the strength of the idea Tim bats around above when he discusses
the wiki site. Tim, you ask what would bring people to the site if I can’t get people
to my site. The first answer that comes to my mind is that if enough authors tell
their readers about it, the volume of authors will increase the volume of readers to
the site.
The other answer is that there are folks out there who propose that they can get
landing pages high listings on Google. I have seen some evidence that this may be
true with one person I know who’s doing that. I remain skeptical, however.
If someone could really come up with a solid way for authors to sell books, they
could bottle it & make a fortune.
I guess I’m stating the obvious in much of this. Oh well.
5. Beth Says:
I am coming late to this discussion and I am coming from a very different place.
I am not a writer, my computer literacy doesn’t go much beyond hitting enter, and
I am singularly devoid of any creative ideas but I do have a blog.
Sometimes a person who has read a blog entry will email me and when that
happens, I invite them to send me a review that I can put on the blog. There is
always hesitation; people do it but not until they feel comfortable that they aren’t
going to make fools of themselves.
The purpose of the blog is to promote mid-list authors. It was not difficult for me
to post reviews on the blog because I figured I was the only one reading it. It
didn’t matter what I wrote. If you want readers to post reviews, you will have to
come up with some sort of method to make the majority decide to take the risk.
There will be some who will jump at the chance to post something that will be
seen by many people and that can be good or not good at all.
Will people post directly to the site as they do on this blog or will you have a
gatekeeper of sorts? The more people who participate the greater the chance you
will get some reviews that shouldn’t be made public.
This blog is not an easy one to jump into. I have neither the erudition, life
experiences, or depth and breadth of knowledge common to the posters on this
site. If you want people to post reviews on a wiki or whatever you set up, you are
really going to have to figure out how to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Beth, I’m interested in your blog, and I deleted wherever I saw the name. Could
you email it to me at [email protected]? It sounds useful since a lot of authors
I like are mid list, and I enjoy supporting them in any way I could.
Hi Tim, Bonnie, Hedgehog (is that your real name?), Lil, Laren and Beth.
Tim, you point out the essential aim: driving sales. The wiki must be a means of
generating sales if it’s to be worth all the pain and expense (and it does cost
money, tho I don’t know yet how much).
Unfortunately, I have no idea as to whether it can generate new sales. As you
point it, it has no direct sales mechanism – it doesn’t link direct to Amazon. A
problem. So what can it do? It can generate interest, get names out. It does that
through the hot-links, the words in blue type that take you to another article. So, if
you’re reading a review of, say, Christopher G. Moore’s latest, it should (should)
mention Bangkok, and if Bangkok is hot-linked (as it should be), that will take
you to an article on Bangkok as a fictional setting, and that will hot-link mentions
of writers like, oh, Tim Hallinan.
Which is exactly what Amazon does not do. With Amazon, if you don’t know T.
Hallinan exists, you’ll never find his books.
Ah, back to the money bit. Maybe Amazon would like to advertise. And that nice
lady who calls herself a book-producer, you know, the one who prepares books for
Kindle. So just maybe it could maybe actually make money rather than cost it.
Maybe.
Bonnie: Thanks for the offer of taking this up, which, I must admit, is something
I’m not likely to do myself. Run with it. I assume you’re familiar with Wikipedia:
that site has a certain philosophy, which contributes to both its strengths and
weaknesses. Its strength is that it has so many people willing to share with the
world their thoughts on the extra-terrestrial origins of the Egyptian pyramids and
the love-life of Snoop Dog; the weakness, of course, is that those thoughts are not
always entirely reliable. Unfortunately, the more you insist on getting reliable
editors, the less life you have in the site: for an illustration, go see Conservapedia,
which allows edits only from those who embrace a rather conservative agenda.
It’s practically dead. Where to strike the balance is the question.
(And as I said above to Tim, I see no reason to follow Wikipedia down the noadvertising-shall-darken-my-door path).
Hedgehog: I still don’t actually have a Kindle, but I have Kindle software on my
MacBook. I’m starting to love it. I want to start getting magazines. And I’m far
more willing to buy an ebook at $4 than a paper one for $30, which is the Oz
price.
Incidentally, second-hand bookshops are a vanishing breed around where I live,
and the Borders bookshop in the city centre now devotes a quarter of its floor
space to the sale of Hello Kitty backpacks and t-shirts with heavy-metal bands on
them. Forestry-product stores are going out of our lives, fast. We simply must go
digital.
Lil: You raise a good point: how do people find out about new books? I found
Phryne Fisher on a shelf in a bookshop, but as I said above, I don’t think
bookshops are going to be with us much longer. Or if they are, they’ll be selling
art-books and things like that, though I have doubts even about that. But thrillers?
No. Digital. Anyway, the wiki can encompass the blogs and newsletters, through
articles on them.
Laren: Yes, credibility and dissemination are key. Bonnie also raises the
credibility issue. The question to be addressed is, does the wiki limit reviewing
rights to professionals, or does it allow anyone to review? I’m not going to
propose an answer, I just want to note the question.
For dissemination, I’d suggest using the blogs and newsletters. But that almost
supposes allowing a Wikipedia-style open editing environment – you can hardly
tell the world that they may look but not touch.
Beth: You say, “Will people post directly to the site as they do on this blog or will
you have a gatekeeper of sorts? The more people who participate the greater the
chance you will get some reviews that shouldn’t be made public.” Exactly.
Wikipedia has two classes of editor, the general Joe and the admins. The admins
remove those articles which accuse Jimmy Carter of indecent acts with small farm
animals, which are an inevitable consequence of allowing open editing. So I think
the answer to that question – and it’s a real one – is to have a kind of police force.
Which assumes, of course, a lot of people getting involved.
Anyway, thanks everyone for your ideas. I don’t quite know where we go from
here. I have a friend in IT and I’ve asked him to tell me all about wiki software, so
I’m getting myself educated. But we need to stay in touch. Tim can give anyone
who wants my email address. Love to hear from you.
8. Andrea Says:
Hi Tim
Sorry this is off-topic, but I just saw that you were one of the nominees for Best
Novel in the Edgar Awards, and I wanted to stop by and say congratulations!
That’s amazing!
Andrea x
9. Bonnie Says:
This is a funny place to post, but I’m sure it will be all over DorothyL today: Tim
Lippman and Harlen Coben! I am so excited for him…I hope this means word
will now really be out about these excellent books.
(Lil, let me know how you are enjoying the Barb Stark book, too!)
Great news about the Edgar!
Also, Philip’s post stimulated me to think that, as far as fan vs professional
reviewers, maybe having each reviewer on the wiki site include a brief bio that
establishes where they fall in the spectrum of readers/reviewers would help. These
could range from “I’m a professional reviewer/book critic” to “I read 15 books a
month so I have a broad base of awareness.”
Or another approach could be to have categories of reviewers that allows
everyone to post a review but also lets readers know whether they’re simply an
enthusiastic fan of a particular author or they’re someone “trained” in the area of
literature critique.
In other words, maybe there’s a way to quantify a person’s review ranging from
subjective to more objective.
Just thinking out loud.
Hey, Tim, congratulations on your nomination. I’ve read all the nominees and
yours is the only one that brought tears to my eyes, and peace to my heart (Is that
too corny for you? Too bad). Hurray!
Hi, All –
Sorry not to have responded earlier (again!) but my day got totally hijacked today
by the Edgar. Even my agent called.
This is a real outburst of creativity, and I think Philip responded well to all of you.
It looks like we could make this a truly international undertaking, since he’s in
Australia, and the market is international, so why shouldn’t it be?
Where I differ from Philip is (a) I think all books should be hotlinked to Amazon
and/or B&N. (iTunes really doesn’t count yet. This is easily accomplished by the
reviewers, who would be following a template that specifies hot-linking on titles.
Second, I would instinctively avoid hotlinking to any material other than the
books and (maybe) other books by the same writer. It seems to me that this is a
tool for people who want to buy e-books and it should be single-minded to that
end.
There are ways to make a little money. Advertising could be offered to publishers
and to writers, and the site could have Amazon affiliate status, meaning that it
makes a weensy amount of money every time someone clicks through and buys.
But I doubt that all of these income sources, which would only come into being
when the site is already successful, would even offset the costs of administering it.
Laren, I love the ideas of identifying the reviewers’ experience level but it needs
to be positioned in such a way so as not to discourage neophytes.
The other approach, CJ Lyons’ idea for a reviewers’ site is also moving forward. I
think they’re complementary rather than competitive and, in any case, the glut of
books is so enormous that many more ideas will undoubtedly come into being.
Don’t know how to move ahead with this and am wide open to suggestions.
And thanks for all the congratulations on the Edgar nomination. I’m still sort of
ringing with the surprise of it all.
Life Sentences, Day 110: The Name is Bond. Edgar Bond
January 19th, 2011
This is late today because everything went out the window this AM when I learned that THE QUEEN
OF PATPONG has been nominated for an Edgar.
What is an Edgar, you might ask? It’s the mystery equivalent of an Oscar. It’s awarded annually by
Mystery Writers of America, and — well, you can tell who they are. So it’s a peer-to-peer honor, and it
means the earth to me.
It’s named for E.A. Poe, an obscure American writer who is often credited with inventing the detective
story with Murders in the Rue Morgue. And frankly, I wouldn’t care if it had been named for Edgar
Guest. I’m just floored to be nominated.
Within a couple of hours of the nomination’s announcement, by the way, we sold audio rights to all
four Poke books.
Here’s the full list:
Caught, by Harlan Coben
Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter, by Tom Franklin
Faithful Place, by Tana French
The Queen of Patpong, by Timothy Hallinan
The Lock Artist, by Steve Hamilton
I’d Know You Anywhere, by Laura Lippman
This is a formidable list, and it’s an enormous honor to be on it.
So I haven’t responded to anything, including yesterday’s comments, for which I apologize. I will, but
right now I’m up to my ears in stuff related to the nomination and the re-do of this entire website, not to
mention Pulped, which I haven’t written a word of today.
Also, have decided to expand the Finish Your Novel section of this site into a writing book with the
title Life Sentences: Finishing Your Book No Matter What. Will offer it as an e-book. Comments,
anyone?
And thanks for all the congratulations, everyone.
your own site.
24 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 110: The Name is Bond. Edgar
Bond”
Tim, congratulations up one wall and down another. This is just too cool.
And funny you should mention your novel writing section . . . I was hoping just
the other day it was on .pdf. So . . . e-book it, Tim. E-book it.
2. suzanna Says:
Gasp! OMG!!!! So happy for you Timmy! You know who I’m rooting for but
what an honor indeed to be nominated for such a prestigious award.
Congratulations!
As for turning your Finishing Your Novel section into a book I think that’s a great
idea. Love the title too. I can just imagine all the writers out there who are aching
for your advice so it will be a great service to them and could really fly off the
cyber shelves at the same time.
Yahoo!!! Just completely tickled about your nomination. Will raise a glass of
something festive to you asap!
Yay, again, couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Definitely e-book your book on
writing books. I need a lot of reinforcement.
4. Gary Says:
Oh, boy! This is just wonderful.
It just has to start taking off now.
All congratulations and best wishes, Tim.
5. EverettK Says:
Congrats, again, Tim! As for your being so busy because of the nomination…
I think turning the book writing advice into a book is a good idea.
I’m still working my way through all of your back blogs (there’s a LOT of them!),
and I haven’t been around here all that long, so I’m unaware of the details, but…
It’s my impression that your current Poke publisher has dropped you. Do you
think the Edgar nod might cause them (or some other publisher) to reconsider? Do
you want them to?
Oooh, Everett. Great question.
Hugest possible congratulations. So your publisher listens to the voice of the
bean-counters and drops the series and then it gets nominated for the Edgar – I
hope the bean-boys are called in to explain.
8. Munyin Says:
You know how happy I am for you AND I agree with what Phiip Coggan says
about hoping that the bean-boys at Harper Collins are called in to explain. And I
hope you get a super contract somewhere, soon!
9. Debbi Says:
Congrats again, Tim! You deserve to win. Hugely.
10.Robb Royer Says:
Geez.. cool! Does this mean I have to use more respectful tones?
11.Gary Says:
Yeah, Rob, unfortunately you’re right. More respectful tones.
Everett and I have both bowed to the inevitable – we’ve stopped insulting him.
(Except under extreme provocation, of course.)
I love all of you enough to wish I had a much bigger car and we could all go to the
beach together,
Today yielded 122 e-mails (all of which had to be answered) and about 50
responses to a blurb on Facebook as well as a couple of pleasantly prolonged
conversations with my agent. And, of course, the audio sale. Which is very much
to the good.
Does anybody NOT like the title for the writing book? I think it’s cool, but when
you publish professionally (you know, the way I used to do), the publishers argue
every syllable of the title. (THE QUEEN OF PATPONG was the last title in the
world I ever wanted a book of mine to carry, and it turned out to be the best
possible title because it keeps changing its meaning as you read the book.) So I
personally love LIFE SENTENCES; FINISHING YOUR NOVEL NO MATTER
WHAT but am open to argument (or positive reinforcement).
Yes, Everett, HarperCollins passed on continuing with the series, which is a
somewhat gentler than saying they dropped it, and no, Philip and my beloved
Munyin, I don’t think they’ll reconsider. I have nothing but kind words for HC —
they put hundreds of thousands of dollars into this series (and my pocket) and
never managed to get it the attention they felt it deserved. But I like the people
there very much and would go back with them in a shot on another project, if they
wanted me.
There are talks going on with other publishers, but it’s difficult to sell a series
another pub walked away from, so we shall see. One thing is certain, though:
there’s no way the Edgar nomination is going to hurt.
And, no Robb, after all these years of trying to train you to talk to me with respect
and admiration, I don’t expect miracles because of some award nomination.
13.EverettK Says:
Life Sentences: Finishing Your Novel No Matter What.
That’s a perfectly good title, Tim, I like it. But since you like to have 10 or 20
titles to choose from, forwith…
Your Novel or Your Life: Reaching the End
Finish Your Novel Before It Finishes You
There Are No Words To Describe A Finished Novel
Filling The Blank Pages: A Four-Fingered Solution
How To Reach an Alphabetic Orgasm
Writing Punctually: Finishing Your Novel
More Words From Timothy
Press On, Push On, Type, Type, TYPE!
Ignore Your Life: Finish Your Novel
Finish Your Novel Before the Finns Finish You
[okay, getting a little punchy here...]
What’s In A Sentence? 1/10,000th of Your Novel
Type, Scribble, Scratch and Chisel: Finish Your Novel
Finish Your Novel: The Tortoise Beats the Hare
A Completed Novel Is the Cat’s Meow
A Completed Novel Is the Poke’s Miaow
Inch By Inch, Slowly I Write
Born Writing, Living Writing, Forever Writing
Nowhere To Go But Forward
Words Are Free — Don’t Be A Cheapskate and Finish Your Damn Novel
[I'm beyond punchy, I'm going to bed now...]
14.Sylvia Says:
Woohoo, that’s GREAT news! Of course, we already knew Queen of Patpong was
awesome but it’s about time everyone else finally realised!
I want to go to the beach.
15.Jen Says:
More congratulations! That is fantastic news, and well deserved.
I’d pony up for ‘Life Sentences’
As a new writer looking for writing advice on the interwebs, I was
disappointed/got huffy with 99% of what’s out there: sometimes didactic, often
formulaic, and in a lot of cases, just plain condescending. Your ‘Finish your
Novel’ series stood out for me because it made me feel like I was involved in a
discussion (not lecture) with someone who had read pretty widely, who
understood that there was no one ‘right’ path to writing a story, and who
considered me a reasonable, reasonably-intelligent adult. It was niiiiiice!
Anyway, ‘congratulations, and yes please do’ from snowy south Ontario.
16.EverettK Says:
After a night’s sleep, we continue with:
Hallinan’s Guide To Finishing Your Novel
Hallinan’s Work In Progress: How To Finish Your Work
Finish Your Novel: You Too Can Be An Edgar-Nominated Author!
Never Stop Writing: How To Finish Your Novel
Words Make Sentences, Sentences Make Novels
Two Fingers Or Ten, Type To The Finish!
Hunt and Peck: A Novel Way To Finish Your Novel
[No, wait, that's the name of my first mystery novel: Hunt-And-Pecked To Death]
Finishing Your Novel: Turn Off The Judge, Let The Words Flow
Quitting Is Not An Option: Finish Your Novel
Okay, I’m done, I have a novel to write…
I can’t even begin to imagine the huge benefits to being an Edgar nominee. I
really don’t think there’s a super difference in the impact of having Edgar Award
<> or Edgar Award <> in a starburst on the front of your books or e-books. Just
having Edgar Award on there is what speaks volumes about the author. It’s like
the difference between NY Times Best Seller & New York Times #1 Best Seller.
Go Tim!
Oh phooey — so much for trying to italicize something.
What I was trying to say was that I didn’t see a huge difference in benefit between
sauying Edgar Award NOMINEE and Edgar Award WINNER. It’s the Edgar
Award that makes the impace.
19.Joyce Yarrow Says:
Hi Tim – I think that LIFE SENTENCES: FINISHING YOUR NOVEL NO
MATTER WHAT is a great title for your book! I love the double meaning and I
think many hard-working scribes on the verge of giving up will flock to buy this
book!
I really like the title, because of the play on words, and its simplicity. At the risk
of being a wet blanket, however, Laura Lippman has a novel called Life
Sentences. Does it matter? Does that bother you? I don’t care. At this level of
groupie-ness, I would probably buy a guide to Hollywood Stars’ Homes if you
wrote it, because I would learn something, and laugh.
21.Phil Hanson Says:
A well deserved honor, Tim. Congratulations!
I’m pleased that another of my favorite authors (Harlan Coben) is also on the list.
As for the others, I’ll read them when I get a chance. Who knows? Maybe some
(or all) of them will become my favorites, too.
Well, I’m abashed and hopelessly late in responding. I’ve completely lost control
of my schedule, with (still) more than 100 unanswered e-mails that I have to reply
to.
Everett, your energy is really daunting. If I wasn’t sure of the title before, I am
now because I’ve now read every single potential alternative and I like mine best.
So LIFE SENTENCES it is, and I think that may be the new title for this blog,
too, at least until I get tired of it.
What do you mean, your first mystery novel? Have you been keeping something
from us?
Thank you, Sylvia, and thank you, Jen. The FINISH YOUR NOVEL stuff is a
revision of class notes for the course I used to teach on precisely that. A lot of it
seems half-thought by now, and I’ve written perhaps seventy-five blogs about
writing, both here and elsewhere, that say some things better and say a lot of
things that don’t get mentioned at all in the FINISH section. So the book will be a
considerably expanded rewrite of these materials. I’m glad you’ve found the
original useful, though, Jen.
Laren, that’s EXACTLY the point I’ve been making to myself for two days. I have
very little actual hope of winning (I really think it’ll go to the amazing Laura
Lipmann has a lock on it.) What matters to me is that, out of perhaps 2000
mysteries published in 2010, the country’s biggest organization of mystery writers
chose mine as one of the six best. I’m not actually thinking about winning it.
Although I did write a thank-you speech in my head while I was running today.
Hi, Joyce, and thanks for the vote for LIFE SENTENCES. I checked on Amazon,
as I always do with a new title, and there are a couple of them, but no writing
books.
Hi, Lil, and isn’t it amazing that I choose a title and then get nominated opposite
someone who wrote a book with that title? I was completely unaware of it — in
fact, I’ve only read three of her books, all of which are really splendid, but there
you are — it was in the zeitgeist. And if you can come up with 90,000 others who
would buy a guide to the Hollywood Stars’ Homes, I’ll crank one out ASAP. I’m
not proud.
Thank you, Phil — I like Coben, too, and Steve Hamilton’s book is killer. But I
think Laura’s got it. Just feels right to me.
Congratulations!
You already know how much I love the writing advice on your website, so the
ebook sounds like a wonderful idea.
24.greg smith Says:
I’m late getting in on the celebration but I wanted to chip in my heartfelt
congratulations on your nomination for the Edgar. That’s just fabulous news, Tim,
and clearly we, your fans, know how much you deserve it. Bravo!
Life Sentences, Day 111, Edgar Hangover
January 20th, 2011
Edgar himself was frequently hung over, as this photo suggests.
He died after being pumped full of alcohol by crooked politicians and hauled from polling place to
polling place to cast multiple votes, a process called “cooping” because the besotted citizens were kept
in an unheated coop until they were needed. He collapsed on a Baltimore street and was taken to a
hospital, where he died (perhaps from exposure or a really whopping case of delirium tremens) on
October 7, 1849.
I was once involved in a very nearly successful attempt to produce a four-hour life of Poe interwoven
with his stories and poems, which were based in part on his own phobias and personal problems. The
approach was my idea, and NBC commissioned a really brilliant script by Julian Mitchell, who wrote
“Vincent and Theo;” ”Another Country;” an almost note-perfect BBC adaptation of Austen’s
Persuasion, an extraordinary television adaptation of Paul Scott’s “Staying On,” starring Trevor
Howard; and, with Ray Davies of the Kinks, the unproduced television script, “Arthur, Or the Decline
and Fall of the British Empire,” which inspired one of the Kinks’ best and most memorable albums.
Everything looked good until, as is so often the case, there was a change of regime at NBC and the new
dullards tossed everything the old dullards had brought in. We got scrapped, although I banked some
preproduction bucks out of it.
So now Poe is back in my life, and it’s disrupting everything. For one thing, I’m writing this blog at
almost 3 PM, three to four hours later than any previous installment. For another, I have more than 200
unanswered e-mails. For yet another, a widely read global publishing newsletter called “Publishing
Perspectives” told publishers all over the world that the book to buy rights to for their country was
Timothy Hallinan’s brilliant The Queen of Patpong. I have no idea whether the offers are flooding in.
And the list goes on. The audio rights, which looked sold yesterday, now look sold to a different
company, which offered 50% more than the first firm. The first firm has asked for a day to think things
through, so I suppose it’s possible they could match or exceed the current bid.
So there doesn’t seem to be any perspective from which the nomination can be seen as a bad thing.
Also, I’ve discovered that the phrase “Nominated for an Edgar” doesn’t stale quickly.
And there’s renewed (cross fingers, all) publisher interest in Poke’s little family.
My writing, on the other hand, has taken a huge hit. I doubt I did 500 words yesterday, and I doubt I’ll
do any more than that today. There are just too many things to do.
Life is so difficult when these awards things pop up. I don’t know how Robb dealt with his Oscar.
Robb?
your own site.
12 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 111, Edgar Hangover”
Boy, life will really suck if the movie studios start horning in on the action, won’t
it, Tim? There’ll be those time-consuming contract negotiations, the pesky
production issues to deal with, the big fat checks to cash . . .. Damn! I’m startin’ to
scare myself; it just occurred to me that you might never again find time to write,
and that really would suck.
2. Debbi Says:
Not to throw a monkey wrench into all this, but do you really *want* a publisher?
Even Lee Goldberg is saying he’d rather self-publish these days:
http://jakonrath.blogspot.com/2011/01/guest-post-by-lee-goldberg.html
3. Robb Royer Says:
S**t. Did I win an Oscar?
4. Robb Royer Says:
Okay, seriously, I feel great for you, pard. What you should feel doubly proud
about is the fact that you’re doing this when most of us our age are slipping off
into our dotage. The fact you’ve put in so many years to build to this peak will
make it all the better. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. Plus you’re too damn old
to let the teeny boppers sweep you off your feet.
In my case, the “oscar” song ( what I affectionately call FAWK) was something I
knocked off in an afternoon, I never took any part of the proceeding very
seriously, I was on the road with the band ’til one day before the awards and back
on the road two days later. When it was all over it seemed like a distant unreal
dream.
This is better. You’ve built toward it for years, it’s here. Enjoy!
5. EverettK Says:
January 21st, 2011 at 9:20 am
As high as you seem to be floating, I hope that the FAA has raised the elevation
limitation for unpowered aircraft!
By the way, thanks go out to you and everyone else who recommended Sara
Bareilles. Her Kaleidoscope Heart album has been the sound track of my life for
the past couple of weeks. A lot of good music there, but if I had to pick one of the
tracks as my favorite, it would probably go 15 rounds between Let It Rain and
King of Anything.
Call me a blasphemer, but some days there are just more important things to do
than writing. Especially when you know you’ll get back to the writing routine and
you’re not just doing avoidance. Cut yourself a little slack, Edgar nominee.
7. Elizabeth Rose Says:
I hope Tim does get a publisher. My fingers are indeed crossed. If not, he will
have to spend time on the details of publishing his books rather than writing them.
That’s okay for big (splendid, wonderful, well-earned) events like Edgar
nominations, but not all the time.
Congratulations and, as Robb said, Enjoy!
Liz
(who wonders who “critter DONALD” is and why he’s a Captcha.)
8. EverettK Says:
In several blogs, you’ve mentioned how you do your best thinking in the shower. I
just came across this science article that may have a direct bearing on why that is:
Stress, Anxiety Both Boon and Bane To Brain
Their study shows that stress (fear, anxiety) causes certain parts of the brain
(perception of dangers around you) to become much more active, and removal of
stress causes those areas to be less active and areas for strategic thinking become
more active.
So, when you shower, you’re relaxed, stress and anxiety are washed away, and the
‘strategic’ areas of your brain become much more activated.
Don’t you feel much better now?
9. EverettK Says:
Liz: “critter DONALD” is, of course, “THE Donald,” Tim’s favorite, Mr. Trump.
[ducking and running]
Phil, I’ve done all I can to keep film industry at bay, but you know how insistent
they are. They circle like sharks. What keeps me up at night is the possibility that
one day I’ll relax my vigilance to write or something, and the next thing I know,
Poke will be a Canadian woman named Poque and Angelina Jolie will be playing
her. With Brad, in Benjamin Button mode, as Miaow.
The horror.
Hi, Debbi — yes, I want the whole thing. I love physical books. I love the process
of editing, copy editing, design (HarperCollins involved me in every cover),
ARCs, the first box of copies – the whole tomato. And I want e-books, too,
because between the two I can write as many books as I want, and about any
damn thing in the world. Magic time.
Robb, it’s a good thing you were busy, or the Oscar might have messed with your
head, as we used to say. Although your head doesn’t mess as easily as some. It’s
an experience I would dearly love to have had, although with the clock ticking
triple-time it seems increasingly unlikely. And thank you for saying all those nice
things. If I weren’t writing, God only knows what I’d be doing.
Everett, Sara Barielles has been Madison’s main sound track, but now that she’s
moving into more kick-ass territory, Tegan and Sara have also found their way
into the mix. What in the WORLD did I do before the iPod? And both the songs
you mention are aces.
Laren, right now, the most important things in my life are:
1. Munyin
2. Writing
3. . . . . .
If I’m not writing, I’m anxious and creepy, and Mun has to put up with that, and
since she’s #1 — well, you see my position. Today I had to drive to Cerritos and
tomorrow I’m going to a booksigning by the criminally underrated Edward
Wright and after that to dinner with friends, and I’m already anxious about lost
time. Hmmm. Writer’s Anonymous, maybe.
Hi, Liz, and welcome. I love being published traditionally, and I love e-books, but
most of all I love writing, even if I am kind of obsessive-compulsive about it. And
I thank you for your hope, and please keep your fingers crossed, if you can type
that way.
Everett, that’s very interesting. In Asia, where I write 7-10 hours a day, I
sometimes shower 3 or 4 times, just to keep the windows open, so to speak. Very
interesting piece.
And you’re right — Trump had bought reCaptca, and I’m told a new name is in
the offing.
11.EverettK Says:
Tim said: Sara Barielles has been Madison’s main sound track, but now that she’s
moving into more kick-ass territory, Tegan and Sara have also found their way
into the mix.
Is there one album of Tegan and Sara that you would recommend for the desert
isle? I’m always open to experiments…
Everett, Tegan and Sara are so different from Sara Bareilles I hesitate to suggest
them. They’re identical (I think) twins who are lesbian and Canadian and who
write a very hook-filled and deceptively simple kind of rock. They sing in an odd
kind of (mostly) unison, with occasional harmonies.
Go to Amazon’s mp3 downloads and listen to the samples for “The Con.” See
whether they appeal to you. I wrote most of Rose’s part of QUEEN to them,
except for the loooonnnngggggg scene in the water, which was all the Ravel Piano
Concerto for the Left Hand.
Life Sentences, Day 112: Portrait of the Artist as a Bowl of Fruit
January 21st, 2011
This is where I write my award-nominated books — um, novels.
I moved the manly pipe rack and the PBS vase of flowers before Mun took the picture.
In actual fact, as the English like to say, I write about 75% of the time in coffee houses and other public
places where caffeine is plentiful and good. But a blogger asked me to write about my work habits and
include a photo, and I thought this was more in keeping with the whole man-of-letters thing.
This is, by the way, our dining room, so, yes, I’ve co-opted half of the table.
In all, this works pretty well. Mun is out most of the time, tying herself into sailor knots at yoga classes
or at the Santa Monica Library or doing whatever else she does in her mysterious daytime hours.
When she’s home and has found a new Colin Firth interview to listen to on her Mac, I have my
earphones and my long list of coffee houses.
One of the advantages of writing at home, of course, is that no one comes up to me and says, “Writing,
huh?” This spares me the adrenaline rush of going immediately homicidal and also keeps me in the
story. The downside is that there are one trillion things that need doing at home, and they’re all more
interesting than writing on the days the story won’t come.
Before anyone else gets around to it, I nominate this as the most inconsequential piece in the history of
this blog, which is saying something. You’re all spared any expectation on my part that you’d respond.
What would you say? Nice-looking apples? (They’re Fujis) What’s that blotch on your computer?
(Damned if I know) What’s the big yellow book on the right? (Disease Prevention and Treatment,
and neither Mun nor I has had so much as a sniffle since she brought it home.) Where are all your
books? (Discreetly just outside the left margin.) See? I’ve answered your questions already.
Have a nice day, everyone. Oh, and grab an apple for the drive.
This entry was posted on Friday, January 21st, 2011 at 11:00 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
11 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 112: Portrait of the Artist as a
Bowl of Fruit”
Tried to grab an apple before heading out on my bike. (Note to self: Add flatscreen monitor to shopping list.)
2. EverettK Says:
Tim said: I nominate this as the most inconsequential piece in the history of this
blog…
Oh, not even close! For example, we have the empty blog:
By Month
Rest my case.
By the way, though, this picture DID bring very much to mind something I wrote
just the other day [clipping to just the interesting part...]
It was an impressionist painting, unusually well done, of a young girl sitting
in a small boat on a river. Holding a sign. The sign was quite clear, it said and
keep you safe. And the girl looked very much like the girl outside, including
her clothes, tan shorts and a purple T-shirt. Fish looked down at the typed
card to see the information about the painting. It said, “Still life with banana.
Penelope Pride.” He looked back up and it was still the little girl in the boat,
but then he realized that the sign said From all you fear.
Fish tucked the cube under his left arm and rubbed his face, especially his
eyes, trying to squeeze some moisture from the tear glands that seemed to
have been injected with chalk. When he lowered his hands, the painting was
an uninspiring piece showing an elderly man sitting behind a table, hands in
his lap, and a bowl of fruit on the table in front of him prominently featured
two large oranges at the front of the bowl and a banana poking straight up
from the middle of it.
Fish closed his eyes and shook his head, but the banana still stood erect over
the oranges.
Honest to Abraham. But it does make me wonder just what it is you’re doing
behind that laptop…
3. sharai Says:
Gee Everett, that’s tough to follow!
I just heard about the Edgar Nomination and have to send you a big hug!!!!!!
You’ve always deserved awards for being a fine human being who happens to be
hugely talented and has the best sense of humor ever. But to gracefully slide into
public acknowledgment while most of your peers are slipping into snowy haired
comfort, to paraphrase Robb’s earlier comment, must be soooooo sweet!
4. suzanna Says:
Your incognito coffee house writing days may be numbered now that yer an Edgar
nominee. Oh well, you could always put on a funny hat and glasses : )
Are you wrung out? After all it is the day after the day after, and you’ve never
been an Edgar nominee before. Apples in a bowl always look beautiful, and I
don’t think this is a boring blog. Just low key. Enjoy this time. Again, you’ve
earned it.
Hi, and I can NOT BELIEVE anybody responded to this.
Phil, I have a little web-bot that uses the laptop’s webcam to take a snapshot of
anyone who tries to grab an apple, and that shirt is really awful.
Everett, that blog was an exercise in post-modernist minimalism and it won a
prize in a global minimalist blog competition based in (where else?) France. First
prize was a beret, which I gave to that turkey in the Thanksgiving story.
Nice excerpt, too. Love the sign.
Sharai, thanks, and I’d slip into snowy-haired retirement, too, but I’m too
compulsive. Writing, as I’ve said before, is like therapy except that it works. If I
didn’t write, I’d fracture into a cloud of warring personalities and Munyin
wouldn’t know which one to yell at.
And thanks for all the sweet words.
Soozie, I have a great false nose with warts on it, modeled on the witch in
Disney’s “Snow White,” and even at my advance stage of fame, no one recognizes
me. In fact, it’s so effective I can leave it in my pocket and STILL no one
recognizes me. I paid a fortune for it, so it’s good to know it’s worth it.
Lil, I am totally wiped out, but that’s mostly because the nomination kicked me
into high gear on PULPED, and I’ve written myself pretty much empty. I like
bowls of apples myself. In fact, since Mun took that picture a couple of days back,
the apples have all vanished except for the two least promising ones.
7. Debbi Says:
You didn’t answer the question: What are you wearing? Is that a robe? A jacket? A
dark unbuttoned shirt? What?
Hi, Debbi –
It’s Armani,of course.
Actually, it’s a heavy cotton work shirt in navy blue over a sort of apricot-peachsome-other-kind-of-fruit-colored T-shirt that’s a silk and cotton blend. Tres chic,
non? This picture was pretty dark so I zetzed it up a little in PhotoScape and the
colors moved toward the orange segment of the spectrum.
9. Bonnie Says:
Come on, Tim. Everyone knows you write at home in your bathrobe. What we
don’t know (and shudder to consider) is what you’re wearing UNDER the
bathrobe.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
Seriously, wouldn’t you think some outlet somewhere would be trying to
assemble a panel of the nominees? What do mysteries and thrillers hold for us
these days? Where’s publishing going? What happens when Manhattan no longer
controls what we read? What about the genre ghetto?
Oh, well.
Life Sentences, Day 113, Sally and Those Roses
January 22nd, 2011
How do you explain a singularity?
I don’t mean the Big Bang — a point in spacetime at which matter attains infinite density and zero
volume, and some sort of massive kerflooey is imminent.
What I’m thinking about is a creative singularity — something close to perfect that happens once, often
created by someone who never lives up to it again, and doesn’t inspire a lot of imitation.
One example, for those whose musical interests stretch back far enough: Don MacLean. Whether you
like “American Pie” or not, there’s no denying it was a full-scale phenomenon, one of the signature
songs of the 1970s. He had another hit in “Vincent,” which is gooey conventional pop to me, but that
little spurt of creativity was it, apparently. He got hit by lightning, produced something sui generis, and
since then he’s been singing a 40-year-old song.
I’m not just talking about one-hit wonders, because most of them probably didn’t deserve a second hit.
I’m just as happy not to have heard from Right Said Fred again after “I’m Too Sexy,” and it’s not hard
to believe that Toni Basil used it all up on “Mickey.”
No, I’m talking about a one-time talent burst.
Randall Jarrell, an American poet, wrote (for me) a perfect novel, Pictures from An Institution, and then
never wrote another. Joseph Heller kept writing after Catch-22 but never got back into the
neighborhood. Salinger never wrote another novel after Catcher. Truman Capote invented a whole
genre with In Cold Blood and never published another book.
But all these writers had demonstrable talent and kept producing after their creative supernova was left
behind.
What about this? From 1963, the incomparably weird, incomparably beautiful, totally mysterious
“Sally Go ‘Round the Roses?” Listen to it, if you’ve got a moment or three. It’ll make your day better.
Sally Go ’round The Roses
Okay, finished? Here are the members of the Jaynetts, who made that record: Yvonne Bushnell, Ethel
Davis (aka Vernell Hill), Ada Ray Kelly, and Johnnie Louise Richardson. Additionally, the session that
produced the record apparently stretched on for a week in the Bronx studio being used by producer
Abner Spector, and anyone who wandered in got drafted. There are probably as many as twenty voices
on the record. The song was written by Spector’s wife, Lona Stevens, and a Bronx music figure named
Zell Sanders, who helped assemble the singers for the session.
Here’s how important the Jaynetts were in the scheme of things. The B-side was the instrumental
track, entitled, “Sing Along Without the Jaynetts.” Their follow-up record was “Snowman, Snowman,
Sweet Potato Nose.” Lightning did not strike twice.
I hear a movie in this song. I see a garden in the grimy city at dusk, with a lone girl in it. I see
sidewalks beneath neon. I hear heartbreak and healing and courage — and NONE OF THOSE
THINGS is in the song. ”Saddest thing in the whole wide world/Is to see your baby with another girl.”
I mean, how commonplace can you get?
So, three questions: (1) Is this a great record, or have I spent my whole life on my knees to something
worthless? Let me rephrase that. (1) Is this a great record, or is it just me? (2) If it is a great record,
what makes it great? (3) How does something like this leak into the world via a group of people who
will probably not ultimately be classed with Mozart and Shakespeare — apparently ordinary people
just getting together to make a record?
And fourth, are there any singularities you’d like to bring to the table?
Listen to it again. You know you want to.
This entry was posted on Saturday, January 22nd, 2011 at 9:57 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
6 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 113, Sally and Those Roses”
1. suzanna Says:
Tatum O’Neal won an Academy Award at age 10 for PAPER MOON. Can anyone
name a single film that she’s appeared in since that was as great as that?
Townes Van Zandt wrote some of the best country songs ever recorded but they
were covered by other artists and Townes never had a hit of his own. Two of my
favorites: PONCHO AND LEFTY and IF I NEEDED YOU.
Both of these artists have struggled with substance abuse issues. Who knows what
they may have accomplished if they were able to get the right help?
2. EverettK Says:
I would say that Harper Lee and To Kill A Mockingbird qualifies.
3. Beth Says:
I forgot about that song. As soon as it started I remembered the lyrics.
I thought of Harper Lee, too, Everett.
Those who have seen the movie “Capote” with Philip Seymour Hoffman, will
recall Harper Lee and Capote were close friends. She traveled with him to Kansas
when he interviewed Perry Smith and Richard Hickock and she helped interview
some of the people in the town.
In TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD (generally considered to be autobiographical),
Scout and Jem befriend a little boy who comes to town every summer. Dill is
based on Capote who spent summers in the house next door to Harper Lee.
I don’t think this qualifies as a singularity but it is more than a little interesting
that they were friends for most of their lives and each created one work that was
perfect.
What is a singularity, from my perspective, is that TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD,
published in 1960, still leaves a class of tenth graders moved by the honor and
compassion of Atticus and indignant at the outcome of the trial. When the book is
finished, the kids see the movie. No one sleeps through it. And, in the scene at the
end of the trial, when the children are in the balcony, a man tells Scout she must
stand up because her father is passing, there are always a few tears.
4. Debbi Says:
Sloan Wilson and The Man the Gray Flannel Suit? Not his only novel, but
probably his best.
You all have jogged my memory. One of my favorite books in the sixties was The
Sand Pebbles by Richard McKenna. It was one of my first forays into Asia. He
did not have a happy end. I like the song. It’s not about the lyrics, but that
wonderful urban bayou blues beat. IMHO
Great suggestions, all. MOCKINGBIRD is a classic. By the way, many people in
the publishing profession assume that there are about a dozen “second books” by
Harper Lee, forgeries that will “come to light” in the months immediately
following her death.
It’ll be interesting to watch.
Sally, don’t you go
Don’t you go downtown
Life Sentences, Day 114: Beat the Clock
January 23rd, 2011
How do you manage your time? I need suggestions.
At the moment, on a daily basis I am supposed to be:
Writing Pulped as my primary responsibility;
Doing at least an hour of warm-up each day on Muther’s Day, which is the next Junior, and The Fear
Artist, the fifth Poke;
Proofreading Incinerator (the fourth Simeon Grist) to put it online;
Trying to promote the e-books, especially Crashed (and trying to find a way to use the Edgar
nomination to boost sales);
Cranking out this blog;
Answering comments from this blog and general e-mail (I’m 126 e-mails behind);
Living some kind of life.
So the problems are (a) I’m trying to do too much; and (b) I can’t manage my time for shit.
On an average day, I’m lucky to get 1000 words on Pulped, handle some of the e-mail, do a little work
on either Muther’s Day or The Fear Artist, and maybe get a run in. Incinerator is just languishing, and
the e-book sales have actually dropped since the nomination.
I drift from project to project; halfway through a sentence in Pulped I’ll think of someone who might
have an idea about promoting Crashed, so I’m e-mailing, then seeing a couple of e-mails I can answer
quickly, then thinking of something for Muther’s Day and opening that folder, and then, an hour later,
I’m back to Pulped.
In the end, I don’t finish much of anything and I’m exhausted because I’ve frittered away so much
energy shifting from focus to focus.
I’m beginning to think I should rent an office with no Internet connectivity and no telephones. Just a
coffee pot, a wall outlet for my computer, and a big clock. And maybe a door that locks from outside
and someone to come and open it when my six to eight hours are done.
The thing I love best about Asia is that I have nothing in the whole world to do but write. I don’t have
to make meals, clean house, talk on the phone, be social in person. The coffee houses I prefer to work
in don’t have wi-fi. I get up, shower, walk somewhere for breakfast, come back and shower again, and
then tote the computer down to the car that waits for me all day long. Choose a coffee house, get there
around 11 AM, and tell the driver to come back at seven.
Bingo: 3000 words on a good day and 2000 on a bad one.
Ideas, anyone? Just don’t suggest going to Asia. I’d go today if I could.
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11 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 114: Beat the Clock”
1. EverettK Says:
I am not you, so it’s hard to know what to suggest, I can only speak from my
experience.
When I’m working on a project, that project is pretty much all I work on. If I let
something else distract (which does occasionally happen), it pretty much sucks up
the entire day or two or three. It’s one or the other for me. I can do small-time
multitasking on creative things, or big-time multitasking on small things, but I’ve
never been able to successfully to big-time multitasking on creative things. Just
doesn’t work for me.
You said: Doing at least an hour of warm-up each day on Muther’s Day, which is
the next Junior, and The Fear Artist, the fifth Poke;
Again, I don’t know your work processes well enough to really be able to
comment constructively, but this seems to me to be asking for trouble. It would
seem to be far more efficient to put those two projects on the shelf (or in the
drawer, or in the computer file) and leave them there until you’ve finished the first
draft (at least) of PULPED. Then, put PULPED into the drawer for its 6-8 weeks
cooling off and pull out EITHER the Junior or the Poke but NOT both. One at a
time.
But your mileage may vary…
Can you bring a little Asia to Santa Monica? Just sayin’
3. Joyce Yarrow Says:
I sounds like you are too good a multi-tasker for your own good! I have similar
challenges and one thing that has worked for me is to try to schedule all my social
media/blogging/answering interview questions/publicity for Friday mornings and
stick to that as much as possible.
In your case, you have several writing projects with deadlines going at once, so
you may need to give each one its own timeslot and try to stick to it (not easy I
know, because the right side of your brain may refuse to cooperate and we have to
pay attention when inspiration strikes!) Also – taking a mid-afternoon break –
even a nap – can work wonders in regaining concentration.
If I feel myself getting distracted by emails, I go to a coffee house – telling myself
sternly that I will be there to write for a minimum of 2 hours and during that time
I will give the project my undivided attention. I have not gone so far as to tell the
barrista to smack me upside the head if she sees me checking my e-mail, but I will
if I have to!
Since today is Sunday – I get to do anything I want – and your blog post caught
my eye. I’m reading The Queen of Patpong and enjoying it tremendously!
When you said you couldn’t manage your time for shit, I laughed. The I-get-it
laugh. Left to my own devices it’s pretty much a crapshoot whether anything
significant gets accomplished at days end.
And as Everett so wisely said, we have to find our own schtick. And um, I’ve
never been in the kind of rushing limey light you’re sitting in the middle of at the
moment.
The best thing for me to do is block out time on my iCal. Including time for
emails and FB and whatever. Including time for walking on my treadmil and
eating breakfast. EVERYTHING. Well, almost. *wink* And the smartest thing I
do is give myself a 2 hour period I call Slush Time every single day during which
I can do whatever I want. Write. Read. Watch a movie. If I don’t do that I could
tend to get grumpy and rebellious.
5. Debbi Says:
Basically, I agree with Peg. Compartmentalize. Block out time on your calendar to
perform every type of work you need to do that day. Assume it will probably take
a bit longer than you think it will.
Cluster your tasks together, so they can be performed in those blocks of time.
Take care of quick emails, then ignore the longer ones until later (they can wait).
Then after an hour or two of business stuff, just write. Period.
That’s at least a rough approximation of my day.
One exception: I usually blog after I’ve worked on my fiction. Not sure why that
is, but it’s worked out pretty well.
YOU seem to have some sort of belief that if you want to do something you have
to do it. Then, if/when you choose more things to do than are humanly possible,
you create pressure on ourself and end up scattered.
Compartmentalizing works well for some people — doesn’t for me. So, one
approach you might consider is to make a list of ALL the projects you think are
important. Then each day, pick a couple/few and write them on a list for that day.
Then (and here’s the dreaded D word) discipline yourself to work on only those
projects that day — plus, of course, whatever comes up from outside that
absolutely needs to be dealt with that day.
You can also be flexible and, if you have, say, Pulped on your list one day and
Mothers Day ideas start showing up, change your list. Cross out Pulped & replace
it with Mothers Day.
The bottom line is, if you have a million things going on in your mind, and you
allow yourself to do that, then you will keep getting what you’ve got — less
productive work done and a bunch of tension at the end of the day.
But, of course, it’s your choice.
http://zenhabits.net/reactionary-workflow/
I’m very bad at time management, so I know a bit about it. Basically I know what
I should/could do. Since I don’t know you well, some, none or all of this may
apply.
Offload whatever you can. Particularly the things that publishers should do, but
they’ve abdicated so that authors have to spend writing time doing business work.
Don’t know the cost of marketing/promoting ebooks compared to what they bring
in, but if you can find someone professional to do it whom you can trust and
afford, go for it. I’ve seen information on a collective of writers marketing their
ebooks together. All are authors who have been traditionally published; the
thinking seems to be that readers will recognize quality work. Maybe that would
save some time? Don’t know but it might be worth a look; here’s the link:
http://topsuspensegroup.com/index.php
Offload the proofreading. Either hire a professional (once again, I don’t know the
economics) or get some fans (she said, volunteering) to do it. You would have to
spend time teaching/explaining what you need done and how it should be done.
Depending on the abilities, computer knowledge, etc. of the people concerned this
might use considerable time, but in the long run might be worth it if it saves your
writing/living time.
You know you’re into too much. As Everett said, decide what can be put aside for
a bit and do that so you can finish the projects that are most pressing.
Relax – it doesn’t all have to be done today. Even good stress (like being
nominated for an Edgar) takes time and energy to deal with, so you’re not going
to have “normal work days” for a while. Debbi and Douglas Adams are right:
“DON”T PANIC”.
Liz
(who will happily suggest solutions to everyone’s problems except her own)
Hey, everyone — I’m answering you in depth in the next blog. In the meantime,
thanks to all of you, and thanks especially for those who told me to breathe
deeply.
I can’t go to outside proofreaders because two wonderful people have already
proofed the book, and the last pass has to be mine. (Even at HarperCollins I
reviewed the proofer’s draft when she was done with it. There are ALWAYS
MISTAKES. ALWAYS.
Thanks for the website, Rachel. Useful across the board.
I promise not to get fretful in public again.
10.Larissa Says:
hehe. I had to laugh too because I have the same problem. Being told to
compartmentalize and all of that is great advice but hard to follow if you aren’t
wired to do it from the beginning. That being said, I have begun to learn how to
treat my projects like I treat my house cleaning. I make a to do list of all of the
things that I need to do in a day and I go down that list faithfully until things are
done. I also put notes to myself about what I consider a “done” status and then
mark it off and move on once I reach that point. Regardless of what else is going
on because I know I have to get to “x” number of other things in a day.
It may not work for writing as much as it does for painting or making jewelry say
since you sort of need to stick with the roll you’re on but having the list to root me
REALLy helps (C:
Hi, Riss, and thanks for both the laugh and the advice. I’m trying the new system,
which is essentially to think in terms of one-week work units rather than one day,
and assign only one major task to each day, doing them in the order of urgency. So
far, so good, although the Edgar nom has created a real blizzard of
correspondence and interesting offers of various kinds, all of which require time.
We shall see.
Life Sentences, Day 115: Thanks, Everyone
January 24th, 2011
Well, the responses to yesterday’s cry for help were what I needed.
Thanks to all of you: Everett, Lil, Joyce, Peg, Debbi, Laren, Rachel, Elizabeth Rose, and all those who
e-mailed me directly to tell me to get hold of myself.
Every one of you offered good advice, and after sifting through it and looking again at the burst of
panic and frustration I posted yesterday, here’s what I’ve decided:
The BIG PROJECT — in this case, PULPED — is the only creative project I work on five days out of
every week. And there’s a goal: finish it in fifteen to twenty writing sessions.
The short-term projects — for example, proofing INCINERATOR and integrating changes into
LITTLE ELVISES — get the other two days of the week in order of deadline: that is, two days this
week will be spend doing NOTHING creative except proofing INCINERATOR, at the end of which, it
will probably be done, since it’s already quite clean. Then next week, the two non-PULPED days will
be given to integrating two sets of changes into LITTLE ELVISES.
E-mail and blogging gets handled in a 90-minute period in the AM with my first dose of caffeine.
Anything that doesn’t get handled that day gets postponed to the next morning.
The new books will get a few minutes of time — just inputting ideas, since they persist in coming to
me — at the end of each day.
Everything else can go to hell.
The BIG PROBLEM is that I could easily spend three days each week on the bottomless pit of online
e-book promotion. The problem with that, aside from the fact that it’s endless, is that it’s what I hate
most, blowing my own horn. The good thing about it is that it produces almost immediate money.
This is the only flaw in the ointment, as a friend of mine used to say. (She also describe the cars in an
accident has having been “Torn from rim to rim.” I haven’t solved this one.
And here’s something very nice, a “5+” review of the first Junior Bender thriller, CRASHED, from
online critic Syria Evans: http://www.syriasays.com/
I know I should be out there nailing down more of this kind of exposure, but I wouldn’t be writing.
Maybe I need one day a week just for that. Anyone know how to qualify for an eight-day week?
This entry was posted on Monday, January 24th, 2011 at 2:32 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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14 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 115: Thanks, Everyone”
Sounds like you could use a publicist. Or, at the very least, a team of people
willing to volunteer and do some of the grunt work for you.
If you can use me, I’m willing to help. I’m pretty sure I could squeeze you into
my schedule.
Even a control freak (which I’m not accusing you of) needs help from time to
time.
2. Larissa Says:
haha that would be awesome! I could use one right now. I have a fundraising
project I’m trying to put together, artists to coordinate, a mardi gras costume to
make, an 8′x6′ backdrop to paint and a job…and a boyfriend…
ok, I can’t think about all of it right now or I’ll go crazy.
I’m glad you got some remedy for your ailment yesterday from all your wonderful
readers. I’m going to go back and reread a few choice comments myself and see if
I can’t borrow some good advice.
(c:
3. EverettK Says:
Wow, ya can’t BUY reviews like that! (Can you?)
It sounds like maybe you’ve got a handle on a way to make things work (and that
will let us
4. Debbi Says:
Everything else can go to hell.
lol That’s the spirit!
5. Robb Royer Says:
Well, at least you’re moving up the Google ladder. When I typed your name I used
to get things like ‘Tim Hall in an exciting come-from-behind victory…’ now I can
get to you with just part of your name.
6. Robb Royer Says:
S**t, sorry Bonnie and Everett, I forgot how to get out of italics.
I’m glad you’re feeling more in charge and better. The review is great, and wasn’t
that a Beatles’ song-Eight Days a Week?
8. Bonnie Says:
Ha, ha, your problem is worse than you think: I’m over halfway through proofing
Little Elvises.
In case you are wondering why no suggestions, helpful or otherwise, came from
me, well, you wouldn’t be wondering, would you, since it’s quite apparent time
management is not a thing I’ve got any sort of handle on myself.
Now, who knows how we can get Tim on Fresh Air w/Terry Gross?
9. EverettK Says:
You close italics with </i>
Tim: knowing your love of Dickens, I thought you’d find this article of interest:
BBC to finish Charles Dickens’s Edwin Drood
Apparently the ‘completion’ is based upon this:
“Before Dickens died after having a stroke, he gave his friend and biographer
John Forster a brief outline of the story.”
Hey, Tim — I don’t know why I didn’t think of it yesterday, however there’s a 3hour workshop tomorrow night (Wednesday) in Santa Monica called
Workarounds that Work based on new book by a guy named Russell Bishop.
Since I don’t know (yet) what the workshop will really be about, my suspicion is
that it will address some of the work/time issues that you (and I) are dealing with
at the moment. It’s only 99 bucks and may be a good investment.
Anyway, things will sort themselves out. They always do.
“Anyone know how to qualify for an eight-day week?”
Become a truck driver, run with two log books. Hey, it worked for me.
12.Sharai Says:
Sounds like whining in public worked pretty good. Why give it up?
Glad to see another great review. Even gladder to know PULPED is getting a
front row seat for your time.
Peg, that’s an immensely generous offer, and I can’t tell you how much I
appreciate it. I’ve met so many people through the blog and the site in general
who are helpful that it shouldn’t amaze me when someone else offers, but it does.
I’ll keep it in mind, but only if my current scheme fails completely, and only in an
emergency.
But you’re right in that the totally unmanageable chore is publicity — and I loathe
it, too. I HATE going out there and hocking my work. So thanks again for a very
generous offer.
Larissa, just remember the story at the center of Anne Lamott’s “Bird By Bird”
and do everything one thing at a time, giving each of them your total attention.
God, it sounds so easy, doesn’t it?
Hi, Everett, and there’s no way on earth I would ask you for more help. I’m
already embarrassed by how much you’re doing. No, you can’t buy reviews like
that. The problem is that there are about 250 sites like that one, with new ones
popping up every day, and I SHOULD be pitching all of them while the Edgar
nom is hot, so to speak. But then I wouldn’t be writing, so I’m not. And besides, I
hate doing it.
Thanks for the three words, Debbi — problem is they’re booked up until like
April 18. I know, I should do it anyway, and I undoubtedly will, but not tomorrow.
Hi, Robb– what I like is that on Amazon, you can type “Timo” and my name
comes up. Famous I’m not, but I am getting more convenient. Sorry about not
calling you back a few days ago; another phone problem. You see, I keep
forgetting to take it anywhere. Will call about Michelle tomorrow.
Mas manana.
Timmy’s BACK.
Lil, it was indeed a Beatles song, and a great one. And so far, so good — making
better progress on PULPED and will proof all of INCINERATOR on Sunday, no
matter how long it takes. That’s a big one to cross off the list.
Oh, God, Bonnie — well, all correx are eagerly accepted. I’ll go to work on
LITTLE ELVISES once I’ve turned INCINERATOR over to Hitch, who will
magically transmute it into an e-book. So I should be ready to start LE in about 810 days.
Very interesting about Drood, Everett — there’s a cottage industry around
finishing it — there have probably been 15-20 attempts. Dan Simmons’ doorstop
novel from last year, Drood, was an interesting take if not actually a completion.
Hi, Laren, and thanks for the suggestion. I’m going to give the present system a
try for a few weeks before integrating anything else. I’ve been referring to David
Allen’s books, which have been helpful, but the most effective tactics seem to be
to reduce the number of scheduled tasks in any given day and to concentrate
solely on the one at hand.
Phil, double booking, huh? IRS know about that? Are you there, Agent Smirnoff?
Seriously, sounds like accounting for a restaurant, which is always double since so
many expenses and inflows are basically untraceable.
Sharai, I’ve never been ashamed to whine. And PULPED get 80% of my working
consciousness at the time, not only because it deserves it, but also because I can’t
start another book until it’s done.
Life Sentences, Day 116: The Chinese Mother Controversy
January 25th, 2011
Amy Chua is a petite academic, the mother of two daughters, and the center of a firestorm. I personally
think everyone who’s shouting at her should shut up and reread her book.
In Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, Chua describes a grueling regimen, an exacting set of standards,
and a long list of prohibitions to which she subjected her daughters.
Several of them are overboard, although from reading some of the book’s critics, you’d think Ms. Chua
was kicking in the door of her daughters’ bedrooms each midnight screaming, “No wire hangers!” In
fact, although some of her early measures were hair-raising, what she was attempting to do was assure
academic excellence, and therefore set the stage for secure and successful lives, for both her kids.
Much of the howling comes from people who have only read (or heard about) the “excerpt” (quotation
marks intentional) that ran in The Wall Street Journal. The Journal, in a piece of journalism worthy of
its new owner, Rupert Murdoch, slapped together the most incendiary bits and pieces of the book
without indicating that they’d been lifted from passages dozens, or even hundreds, of pages apart,
wrote a headline right out of the Bat Boy Eats Senate Building tradition, and put it up without letting
Dr. Chua review it.
Presto: Joan Crawford with chopsticks.
The Journal also omitted the fact that the book is actually the story of a personal journey — how Chua
learned to loosen up and bottle the inner dragon when she realized how unhappy she was making her
younger daughter. And, yes, she was unnecessarily demanding, and even cruel on occasion, but she’s
learned from those mistakes.
But here’s the bottom line: In the Chua household, studying and school come first and last. No grade is
acceptable except an “A”; a “B” is the same as a fail. Culture, which to Dr. Chua means largely
classical Western culture, will be part of daily life. Forget crap television; in her home, it doesn’t exist.
Still pretty rigid. But here are some things to think about.
Asian kids are at the top of the grade curve all over America, and not by small margins, either. Their
grades, on average, leave kids from all other cultural and racial groups in the cold.
The percentage of Asian students in graduate school at the best American universities is roughly triple
the percentage of Asians in the general population. It’s even higher in the schools that stress science,
mathematics, and engineering.
People who criticize Chua imply that Asian kids who are brought up in strict, academically focused
families, are smart scholastically, but as uncreative as zombies. With three exceptions, every major
presentation of a new idea at the recent Consumer Electronics Show — the biggest in America — was
Asian. The younger string, brass, and keyboard players in American symphony orchestras are
disproportionately Asian.
To put it bluntly: kids from some Asian cultural backgrounds are eating the lunch, academically
speaking, of white, black, and Hispanic kids. It’s so pronounced that there have been multiple
instances of Asian kids being bullied in big-city high schools in the past year by students who are angry
at being excelled.
The furor over the book (or, rather, the excerpt) ignores an enormous question. With it now widely
accepted that America’s public schools are a flawed and failing system, how do these Asian kids
squeeze excellent educations from it?
The answer is obviously Asian parents. They’re actually involved in their children’s education.
They’re not waiting for teachers to request conferences, they’re working at home with their kids daily
and nightly. They’re hiring tutors when problems arise. They’re making their kids’ education a
primary family priority. They’re on the phone to the teacher at the first sign of trouble.
And they’re demanding excellence from their children. I believe that children try instinctively to live
up to the expectations of those they love. Chua is scalding about the false self-esteem pumped by the
schools into kids who are doing substandard work, and the tendency (as she sees it) of some Western
parents to do the same. Self-esteem, she says, must arise from genuine accomplishments; otherwise,
it’s delusional. And terrible preparation for a world that’s indifferent to the feelings of the young adults
these kids will become.
The persistent low performance of inner-city kids is, I think, primarily a function of little parental
involvement. Too often, there’s only one parent and she works nonstop to feed and house the kids. But
involvement is what’s needed; higher expectations are what’s needed; strict insistence that kids live up
to their potential is what’s needed.
And it’s needed across the board. Parents should be studying Chua’s book — whether they like her
personally or not — to see what they can learn. Otherwise, they’re raising a generation of parking-lot
attendants and burger flippers.
And we’ve already got enough of those.
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12 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 116: The Chinese Mother
Controversy”
1. Gary Says:
I can’t comment on a book I haven’t read (although, as you say, there have been
plenty of reviews with “excerpts”). But I can comment on my flatmate.
Xiaoran Sun is a typical product of the one-child policy: focused, hard working,
and absolutely determined to succeed. Last semester he raged against the other
(non-Chinese) members of his project group, whose lack of dedication and hard
work robbed him of a high distinction in one of his four subjects – he got three
high distinctions and one distinction.
At the same time he’s a fully rounded, balanced individual, who gets up late at
weekends, watches reruns of “Friends” over and over and laughs himself silly,
thoroughly enjoys learning about the Australian sense of humor, and goes down
the street with his girlfriend to buy ice cream cones. In other words, he’s a really
nice, normal guy.
Pressure to excel doesn’t automatically morph people into monsters. It just pushes
them to succeed. As a child I lived in fear – or at least in healthy respect – of my
teachers, and of my parents’ expectations. And it got me two university degrees
and a reasonably distinguished career as an international consultant.
In what way was that a bad thing?
2. Debbi Says:
Here’s a blog you might find interesting. It’s written by a teacher who essentially
expresses the views you just did, along with a lot of frustration over the stupidity
within the current educational system.
http://teachbad.com/
3. EverettK Says:
My wife is an elementary teacher. My best friend was an elementary teacher and
then principle. His daughter is an elementary teacher.
We all agree: the problem is NOT the system, the problem is the PARENTS. All
too many parents expect to send their kids off to school each day and not have to
worry further about the, and then they expect the school to turn them into superior
human beings.
HOWEVER… they’re not allowed to do ANYTHING to the children, the ONLY
form of control they’re allowed is sending them OUT of the classroom
(sometimes) if their behavior becomes too bad. And then when they don’t
perform, the parents come in and chastise the teachers for letting their child slide.
A good education requires three things: parents, teachers and a student. If any one
of those fails, the student will fail. And right now, for all too many students, the
teacher is the only one that’s really trying.
You’re absolutely right that kids/students will generally do their darndest to live
up to the expectations of those who love them.
How we as a society can turn that around, I don’t know. All we can do is act, as
individuals, and do the little that we ourselves can do. If the right pressure is
applied at the right moment and at the right point, and a large enough slice of
society is READY for a change, then the change will happen. In all other cases,
it’s tilting at windmills.
But we can always do the best for our OWN selves and our OWN families,
regardless of what society in general is doing. Lead by example.
This is part of a huge debate about education. I’ve only read excerpts of Ms.
Chua’s book, but I do have trouble with a mother tearing up a homemade birthday
card, because it wasn’t “good enough.” The message is very swift that the only
acceptable parameter is perfection. Not easy to live up to. That being said, I feel
that parents are indeed failing their kids when when they don’t expect good
grades, and good behavior, and sabotaging teachers in the classroom. I have a
teacher friend (high school) who has parents trying to get their kids better grades
without their children doing the work. There is a socioeconomic issue here as
well. Some of those people who are lowering standards don’t have the dollars for
tutors. I do know many teachers who give extra time to their students who request
it. So again, it does seem to be about the parents and how savvy they are so they
can guide their children. I do like Gary’s friend who manages to get balance into
his life. I think that children do need playtime, and, for me, adolescents need
sports to help deal with their hormonal tsunamis. Balance is the key.
5. Sylvia Says:
How many of the people who are adamant that “the problem is the parents”
actually have children?
I think Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother sounds fascinating and it is a shame if it
has been caught up in a media storm judging her. I’m not sure that condemning
parents whose children are not over-achievers is really the answer, though?
I’ve only heard about Ms. Chua’s book on NPR and the question I have is whether
the process she describes demands excellence or perfection. I’d agree with Tim
that before people decide it’s good or bad, they ought to get the fill story. I suspect
there’s valuable stuff whethr you buy the whole program or not.
And, I couldn’t agree more that a large (but not total) part of the problem with US
education is that parents don’t support/encourage their kids. At the same time, I
am also of the opinion that it serves the “establishment” to have an uneducated
population so oversimplifications and obfuscation on the part of politicians can be
cast as truth and believed by the populace at large. But I digress.
We have a border in our home who’s a 28 year old Chinese PhD neuro-biologiost.
He seems like a pretty balanced & happy guy. He was cooking his dinner as my
wife & I were watching the State of the Union address last night. Obama said
something about how our democratic political process worked in order to get
things done — and went on to say, attempting to point out that totalitarian regimes
don’t have the same situations by saying that there were some countries where if
the authorities decided they wanted something done no one could stand in their
way. Bo (our border) got a mischievous grin on his face and pointed his finger at
himself — as if to say that’s MY government. It was pretty funny.
7. EverettK Says:
Sylvia said: How many of the people who are adamant that “the problem is the
parents” actually have children?
[raising hand] Me, for one. Of course, it’s a gross generalization, but true all too
often. My wife comes home with story after story of parents blaming the teacher,
when the problem is those same PARENTS who consider their children the “gods
of the earth,” expect everyone else to treat them as such, and put no pressure on
their children to learn, to grow, to become capable, responsible adults. Too many
parents today want to be FRIENDS with their children rather than PARENTS
(guides, teachers, and yes, sometimes jailers).
As Lil says, “Balance is the key.” And today, IN GENERAL, far too much
parenting is way out of balance. I’m not suggesting every parent should be a
“Tiger Mom”, that’s just the other extreme. But we, as a society, certainly need to
move back in that direction, in order to find the middle ground.
Good MORNING, class. Did we sleep well?
Gary, great post, and see Laren’s about his boarder, below. My parents, like yours,
were vigorously opposed to bad grades and deeply appreciative of good ones, and
it made me stay pretty much on tiptoe throughout secondary school. My parents
weren’t Chinese, so I settled on four As and two Bs as the ideal report card
because I could accomplish that while sort of fluffing off the “B” classes. Of
course, all that went to hell in a handbasket when math or chemistry were the
topics, but my parents reconciled themselves to the notion that I was an
intermittent dunderhead with plateaus of competence.
Debbi, that’s THE GREATEST SITE EVER. All of you who want to know one of
the main things that’s wrong with our schools — which is to say hapless
administrators insisting on the flavor of the hour, go to http://teachbad.com/.
This is written by a teacher who sends his own kids to a charter school because
the children in the nearby public elementary are out of control, and you will NOT
BELIEVE the idiocy he’s put through even at the charter school. I’ll read this site
3-4 times a week.
And Everett, absolutely true about the teachers having been deprived of all modes
of control over kids like the ones in the elementary mentioned above. My personal
feeling is that they should suspend and then fail the little fuckers who are costing
everyone else a decent learning experience, but there’s zero chance of that. The
“F” is a thing of the past, and that’s sort of tragic. On the other hand, if those kids’
parents were involved in their children’s education/lives, the kids would probably
be a lot less disruptive, n’est pas?
Hi, Lil: the birthday card was a Joan Crawford moment, and one that should never
have happened. And I agree with the need to balance accomplishment with
enjoyment. The problem is how we’re defining “accomplishment.” Pass the class
no matter what; get grades for work you haven’t done; screw around with good
teachers by changing the rules all the time; resist all attempts at teacher evaluation
because the unions won’t stand for it; promote idiots into administration. Not only
are our kids being cheated by this system, they’re also assuming that the entire
world works this way. And while that may be the case in Washington and the state
capitols, in everyday, down-and-dirty life, you reap what you sow and sooner or
later someone asks you to pay in gold. If you haven’t got it, guess what?
Nobody’s going to give you a “mercy C.”
Hi, Sylvia — guilty as charged — I don’t have children. But I had parents, and
without their participation in my education, I have absolutely no idea who I would
be today. It was worth all the tantrums I threw (poor them), all the bitter
complaints about other kids not doing their homework, all the hours with my
father trying and failing to teach me (sorry about this) long division. God bless
them. And I don’t think this is about faulting the parents of kids at any level; it’s
about faulting the parents who don’t lend a hand. Over and over again.
I love your story, Laren. And by the way, the Chinese educational system, which
is essentially an extension of the home educational system, is one reason the
Chinese government will soon be selecting the blocks of Manhattan they want in
payment for our spiraling debt. They’re turning out administrators, engineers,
doctors, educators, and we’re turning out vaguely self-satisfied, less-than-halfeducated dummies. Now, let’s see. How come we never hear about that when the
political hacks start talking about “American competitiveness?”
“Otherwise, they’re raising a generation of parking-lot attendants and burger
flippers.”
And doorstops. Don’t forget doorstops. (How else you gonna ‘splain “doorstop
stupid”?)
As for the faux self-esteem b.s., any child educated in a system where it’s
practiced might as well hang a sign around their neck that reads “Doorstop-stupid
and proud of it.”
Kudos, Tim. Your excellent post cuts right to the heart of one of American
society’s most serious shortcomings.
Thanks, Phil — PLEASE read the site Debbi suggested above. It’ll make you
furious and make you laugh at the same time.
So nothing below an A is acceptable? Great for town in which all the children are
above average.
Yeah, it’s the Lake Woebegon grading curve.
Life Sentences, Day 117: Good Art/Bad Heart?
January 26th, 2011
If a great artist is a terrible person, should we repudiate the art?
On the Murder Is Everywhere site, novelist Cara Black wrote a piece Monday about the French plan to
celebrate something or other relative to the work of the novelist Celine (Louis-Ferdinand Destouches).
Celine is widely thought by the French to be a great writer, and therefore worth celebrating.
He was also a vicious anti-Semite in whose opinion Hitler didn’t go far enough (he referred to Hitler as
“a Jew”) and who wrote hellacious pamphlets urging violence against Jews. He may also have
fingered Jews of his acquaintance for the Nazis. All in all, a reprehensible waste of DNA with the
moral judgment of an invertebrate.
But (say the French) he wrote great books and his work is worthy of cultural respect. Yes or no? Beth
Crowley answered “No” on the site, and I answered “Yes,” and now I’m making the case again here.
I personally can’t read Celine at all — and I think only the French would ever have enshrined him in
the first place. (On the other hand, nobody but the French would have sentenced him to jail as a — and
I quote — “national disgrace,” even if they later commuted the sentence.) But my personal tastes
aside, I think great art is worthy of respect no matter who created it.
I think that art, in a sense, exists independent of the person who produced it. Picasso was a misogynist
of the first order; Caravaggio was probably a murderer. There are dozens of examples of first-class
work produced by perfectly dreadful people. Does that invalidate their art? I don’t think it can.
There’s not enough great art around to toss any of it because you dislike the person who produced it.
And then there are the facts that moral standards change. The Nazis banned all Jewish art, thereby
depriving themselves of a great deal of enjoyment. Oscar Wilde’s works came in for criticism after he
was convicted of sodomy. Were the melodies of Mendelssohn or the wit of “The Importance of Being
Earnest” any less superb because the men who produced them were declared morally and societally out
of bounds?
In The Recognitions, the artist/forger Wyatt Gwyon, the novel’s primary character, says, “The Artist is
just the rubble who follows his work around.” That’s sort of the way I feel.
I’d love to know what you think.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 26th, 2011 at 10:49 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
16 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 117: Good Art/Bad Heart?”
1. EverettK Says:
I had my response all ready about 1/3 of the way through, and then you proceeded
to very thoroughly make my arguments for me, leaving me with nothing to do but
agree with you. You know how that pains me.
Kind of an inverse example: the worship many folks today (and in the past, for
that matter) heap upon celebrities, whether they have any talent or not, whether
they’re good people or not, just because they’re famous (which you’ve written
derogatorily about before). We should not unduly admire the creator because of
his/her work, nor should we unduly castigate the work because of its creator.
As long as the two ARE two separate things, that is, which they aren’t always.
2. EverettK Says:
I guess I should modify my previous response with this thought:
Some artists can be separated from their work: writers, actors, etc.
Some can’t be so easily separated from their work: Mother Theresa and other
social workers, who ARE their work, in essence.
So somtimes it’s not a black & white situation.
3. Dana King Says:
You’re right, but I still don’t that I’d want to provide support to any artist I found
personally repugnant. While his art stands alone, he still basks in the implied
acceptance of its glory.
I like much of Wagner’s music, and I don’t hesitate to listen to it and buy it,
mainly because Wagner’s dead. Were he alive, and using my money to live a
comfortable life in spite of his morally bankrupt behavior and attitudes, I’d be
happy to let him starve,
4. suzanna aguayo Says:
Hi, Tim
I agree that good art stands on its own and should not be ignored because the artist
is a bad seed.
Sometimes an interesting life story makes the work that much more interesting.
My husband had an art history professor who drew his students in by talking
about the less than ideal behavior of the artists they studied.
5. Beth Says:
Celine used his talent to write books for which the French believed he should be
honored.
He also used his talent to write pamphlets encouraging his compatriots to support
the Third Reich before France was occupied. (That was hardly the same as the
collaborators who supported the Reich after the Germsns were walking through
the streets of Paris). He was an unrepentant anti-Semite and there aren’t two sides
of the story when the story is hate speech.
Teaching history is story-telling, finding the human side of the men and women
whose influence shapes our lives centuries after their lives were over. Celine’s
support of the Final Solution puts him in the same category as Goebbels. German
or French, they were both masters of propaganda, working toward the same goal.
There can be no “on the other hand” when speaking about anyone whose words or
actions supported the murders of millions.
I think Picasso and Oscar Wilde would be appalled at being placed in the same
category as Celine.
Moral standards may change, but God help us all if society loses its ability to be
horrified by evil.
Dana took the words right out of my head. Wagner’s music is not who he is, but it
is sometimes hard to forget what he stood for. But alas, a lot of people of the 19th
and 20th century were riding a very common train, and yet they wrote and
composed some of the most beautiful art there is. I’ve heard talk about T.S. Eliot,
and others. So, all I can do is agree. I would like to think their art came from a
deeper, more universal place.
7. Gary Says:
Whatever one thinks of Wagner’s work – and I think some of his music is rather
heavy-handed – he was undeniably a genius, and his work had a huge influence
on Western music. But as a person he wasn’t particularly nice: philandering, anti-
Semitic, and so on. Although a biography I once read somewhat overstated the
case for the nasty Wagner, it did make your point:
With all that genius inside him struggling to get out, it isn’t surprising he didn’t
have time to be human.
8. EverettK Says:
Beth: I think that you’re still confusing the issue of the artist and their work. I
agree with you that an artist should not be honored and remembered in glory if
they were a [choose your favorite derogatory epithet]. BUT… if their work is a
masterpiece that has NOTHING to do with their [favorite derogatory epithet
activity], is the work not a masterpiece just because of who created it?
If To Kill A Mockingbird had been written by a mysogynistic, homophobic serial
killer, would the novel not still be a valuable masterpiece about race relations?
(Sure, not likely to happen, but I’m trying to make a point about the separation of
art and artist.)
I understand where you’re coming from. I can’t enjoy the music of Cat Stevens
like I used to, after he said publicly about Salman Rushdie: “He must be killed.
The Qur’an makes it clear – if someone defames the prophet, then he must die.” I
do still listen to it sometimes, and still enjoy it, but not as much, because always
in the back of my mind is the memory of that statement. But that only changed
MY experiencing of the music. It didn’t change the music itself, and nowhere in
his music (that I’m aware of) does he recommend the killing of anyone, just the
reverse, most of his music is about peace and love.
To judge art solely on the basis of the artist’s character is to have precious little art
to judge.
This discussion is so interesting that I’m reluctant to break in on it.
I COMPLETELY take Dana’s point about not subsidizing the lives of artists
whom you find loathsome. It would be easier for me than it would for some of
you to forgo Wagner completely, but I agree that, were he alive and even
assuming I loved him, I wouldn’t pass any shekels his way.
And similarly, although I hate and have always hated Cat Stevens, even preconversion, I wouldn’t give him a nickel.
But art is long and life is short, and when the artist is dead, the art remains. I don’t
understand how we strike a blow for anything by denying ourselves the pleasure
and the solace of a work of art. I think great art is a unique and scarce resource,
and I don’t know what we gain by rejecting it because we hate what its creator
stood for.
The great examples of this, to me, are Homer, Shakespeare, and the great
cathedrals. Homer may actually be a group noun for a passel of poets who
celebrated war and bloodshed, but my life would be much poorer without the two
great Homeric poems. Shakespeare is a cipher, a consciousness so multifaceted
that people argue almost every point of his personality, but he left behind what I
think is the greatest human monument in Western history. It just makes no
difference whatsoever who he was. And the cathedrals were built by an
organization that burned heretics, persecuted the Cathars and the Jews, wallowed
in corruption, and concealed knowledge of the ancient world by burying it in the
Vatican library, but does that mean I can’t be breathless at the beauty of Reims or
Mt. St. Michel? They exist independently of the church now; their beauty is their
own.
I understand what you mean, Beth. I just don’t agree with it. I loathe Celine as a
man and as an artist, but if I loved his work, I would honor it while cheerfully
blowing my nose on the memory of the man.
I think we should be able to appreciate the art and despise what the artist did or
said, and speak up about both.
11.Robb Royer Says:
Has anyone here actually read Celine? I tried and couldn’t hang. He’s the master
of the three dots… I use them myself… but not… as much… as… Celine…
Very good, Phil — I think you gotta take art where you find it.
Robb, I’ve tried a couple of times and passed after a few hours. Maybe it’s better
in French. (After all, they say Shakespeare is.)
I think I agree and yet… When I found out that Orson Scott Card speaks out
against homosexuals it spoiled my enjoyment of his books. Some of his books
seem to me to be about how hard it is to understand other cultures behaviour from
the outside and they are still just as good as they were before I found out about his
homophobia.
It seems to me to be easier to ignore the character defects of an artist if he or she
is no longer around to remind us of them and there’s no longer the question of
supporting someone with whose politics or actions we disagree.
Yup, it’s different when the artist is alive and orofiting from us. Even so, I think
we need to satisfy ourselves that the representations are true, especially in today’s
highly charged media environment.
“[A]s a person he wasn’t particularly nice…” That’s standard for the artistic
personality type – self-centered narcissisism is a pre-requisite (Discuss).
Caravaggio a murder? Probably not – probably he wanted to castrate his opponent
rather than murder him, but he hit a vein. Not to blame for that. He was, however,
probably a pederast.
Andre Gide definitely was a pederast – he said so, repeatedly. His books are pleas
for breadth of spirit and freedom from stultifying acceptance of societal norms.
Perhaps he was wrong.
Yahweh Elohim was guilty of ordering genocide, not once but twice (the
Amalakites and the Midianites). That puts him right in there with the Nazis. Yet
he wrote the sublimely beautiful meditations of Job, the heart-rending Psalms, and
many other works which have uplifted the human spirit for millennia.
So I guess the end of it all is that we do not (not should not, simply do not) reject
the song because of the singer. We make of it what we can, or will.
Great subject for a novel in there.
Oh, well, Philip, if all Caravaggio wanted to do was castrate the guy, I guess he’s
okay.
The Yahweh allusion gave me a good laugh. I thought David wrote the psalms,
although it was probably the spirit of Yahweh moving through him. It’s not fair to
put Yahweh up against mere people, though, since he’s had eternity to become
better and worse.
You gonna write that book?
Life Sentences, Day 118: That Obscure Object of Desire
January 26th, 2011
I think that most of us clutch to our chests with special fervor the enthusiasms that virtually no one else
shares.
I revealed my obsession with “Sally Go ‘Round the Roses” a few days back, and while the responses
were interesting, I don’t think I made many converts.
And that’s okay. If you all liked “Sally Go ‘Round the Roses,” I’d have to find a new obscure favorite
song. Maybe “Choctaw Bingo” by James McMurtry or “Carries On” by Edward Sharp and the
Magnetic Zeroes. Six months ago, it would have been something (almost anything) off Arcade Fire’s
“The Suburbs,” but now that the collection has made everybody’s 2010 top ten lists, it’s sullied by
popularity.
Because obscure favorites are partly about snobbery. It’s not enough to be discerning. It’s also
necessary to be more discerning than everybody else.
And I’ve earned a permanent condo on the Mount Olympus of Obscurity. Examples:
Favorite novels: The Anti-Death League and The Green Man, Kingsley Amis; The Recognitions,
William Gaddis; The Pallisers, Anthony Trollope; A Dance to the Music of Time, Anthony Powell; The
Story of the Stone, Cao Xueqin.
Amis, now largely forgotten, was a big best-seller in the fifties and sixties and a dazzling entertainer,
and I defy anyone not to like these books. Gaddis was obscure throughout a long career, despite very
tardy acknowledgment that his first novel was one of the most important and original books of the
century. Trollope outsold Dickens in his day, but that was many, many days ago, and now he’s a
footnote to most people’s awareness of Victorian novels. Powell also sold well, but the Dance is barely
available in the U.S. now, and besides, only a few of us know that his last name is pronounced, “Pole,”
although with a sort of quarter-note semiquaver on the “O”. And Story of the Stone was written in
China in the 1740s and probably 50s. So obscure the ink should be fading.
And one other thing: four of these books — all of them but the Amis works — are really, really, really
long. Forbiddingly long. Snob-paradise long.
Favorite painters: Impressionist, Vuillard; Old Master, Jan Van Eyck, although I secretly love
Rembrandt just as much, even though he’s so common; Post-Impressionist, John Sloan, whose work
you saw here a week or two ago; Modernist, Joan Mitchell. See? Not a dominant brand name in the
lot. I hate hate hate the Expressionists, though, and most snobs have a favorite Expressionist, so maybe
there’s hope for me. My favorite Expressionist is the one that’s turned to the wall.
Classical Music: I strike out completely here. I might as well be a commentator on Fox News.
Beethoven and Mozart, I’m afraid, with Ravel in there somewhere. Oh, and one good snob credential
— the motets of Heinrich Schutz. Years ago, as I’ve told everyone I’ve ever met, there was a New
Yorker cartoon that depicted a small, barren planet: curved horizon, black sky, no foliage, a broken,
slanting park bench and a couple of discarded tin cans. The caption was Life without Mozart. I buy it
completely.
Rock: In the sixties and seventies (yes, I’m that old), my favorite band was The Kinks, followed by
Traffic. Still love them both. Robb Royer, whom you’ve all met here, earned my scorn by suggesting
that something was going on with the Beach Boys. Then “Pet Sounds” came out, and he won the
argument. These days? Well, Arcade Fire, the Libertines, Sara Barielles, Tegan and Sara, Delbert
McClinton, and a whole bunch of others, many of whom are not big names. But none of the
Britney/Miley school. Gotta draw the line somewhere.
And on and on. Favorite obscure source of beauty: moths and galaxies. Favorite (relatively) obscure
country: Vietnam. Favorite no-longer-extant American city: pre-Katrina New Orleans. Favorite
politician: Nixon, for pure hypnotic awfulness. Favorite body of water: the Andaman Sea.
I really should say before I close that I actually do love all these things for what they give me, not
because they’re obscure. I spent months of enchantment inside the great, crumbling household that’s
the setting of The Story of the Stone. It doesn’t hurt, though, that they’re not at the top of — well,
everybody’s list.
I’ve wondered off topic here. What about you? Obscure enthusiasms you want to expose to public
scrutiny?
your own site.
11 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 118: That Obscure Object of
Desire”
See most of my obscure enthusiasms are a bit less upmarket. I’ve always loved sci
fi since I was a kid and that used to be even more pulpy than it is now.
Music: Albatross and Elbow’s One Day Like This.
Authors: Pratchett (no longer obscure at all) and Tanya Huff.
Art: I like the impressionists better in reproduction than in real life. When I go to
the National Gallery, it’s Campin’s A Woman that always draws me back and
back. Oh and I rather like Rousseau’s picture of a tiger: Surprised!.
I wish I could preview my comment to check all those links are properly sorted!
2. suzanna Says:
Favorite Obscure Singer/Songwriter: Katie Costello. No relation to Elvis. Only 18
and onto her second album. Lives in Brooklyn via Manhattan Beach.
Favorite Obscure Novelist: Vendella Vida. Bay Area resident. Married to writer
Dave Eggers. Co-founder of non profit writers workshop 826 Valencia.
Favorite Obscure Filmmaker: Chris Brown. Bay Area native. Current movie:
FANNY, ANNIE & DANNY. Has played in 20 film festivals across the country,
won numerous awards. Still awaits distribution.
Favorite Obscure Artist: Martin Puryear, sculptor. Primary medium wood, fine
crafting, organic shapes, sometimes whimsical.
I am not sure why you hate the abstract expressionists so much but I really would
like to know. I do have a soft spot for abstract art but please don’t hold it against
me : )
3. Gary Says:
Obscure enthusiasms exposed.
[splurk!] Attack of the killer tomatoes
Attack of the killer tomatoes
They’ll eat you, bash you, split you, mash you
Chew you up for brunch
And finish you off for dinner or lunch.
They’re marching down the halls [splurk!]
They’re crawling up the walls
They’re [splurk!] gooey, gushy, squishy, mushy
Rotten to the core
They’re standing outside your door. [splurk!]
Remember Herbert Partage [splurk!]
While taking out his garbage [splurk!]
He turned around and he did see
Tomatoes hiding in his tree
Now he’s just a memory. [splurk!]
I know [splurk!] I’m going to miss her
A tomato ate my sister [splurk!]
Sacramento fell today
They’re marching into San Jose [splurk!]
Tomatoes [splurk!] are on their way.
The mayor is on vacation
The Governor’s [splurk!] fled the nation
The police have gone on strike today
The National Guard has run away
Tomatoes will have their day.
Attack of the killer tomatoes [splurk!]
Attack of the killer tomatoes [splurk!]
They’ll eat you, bash you, split you, mash you
Chew you up for brunch
And finish you off for dinner or lunch, lunch, lunch
Dinner or lunch, lunch, lunch
Dinner or luuuuuunch.
I sure hope I got all the splurks right. I’d hate to do the work an injustice.
4. EverettK Says:
My favorite obscure science fiction novel: Replay by Ken Grimwood.
My favorite obscure mystery writer: T. Hallinan.
Less than household name mystery writers who should be on the NY Times Best
Seller List (and every other book list): No names but initials are TH.
6. EverettK Says:
By the way, Tim, not to push for additions to your work load, I’m just curious: are
you still planning to put CRASHED out in epub? Is that something YOU have to
work on, or is that something you just have to get Hitch to do?
Enquiring (and obscure) minds want to know…
7. EverettK Says:
I also forgot to mention: The Anthony Trollope “Palliser novels” (all six of them)
are available in a very nice omnibus edition for free at:
Palliser Omnibus (.prc/kindle)
and an omnibus of his Barsetshire stories is available at:
Barsetshire Omnibus (.prc/kindle)
The ePub versions of them are at:
Palliser Omnibus (.epub)
and
Barsetshire Omnibus (.epub)
Well, FHH — I also have downmarket obscure enthusiasms, but as a snob I rarely
share them publicly. I’m not certain I could do better than yours, though. Although
I think if anyone was feeling for bottom and found it, it’s Gary. And I don’t see
Campin and Rousseau as downmarket. There’s something Indonesian/Balinese
about Rousseau’s tiger and the Campin picture is a snob’s dream — by a relatively
obscure artist and deliriously beautiful.
I’m thinking of doing a blog of our favorite pictures, starting with yours. Will
write about it tomorrow, unless I forget.
Suzanna, really good — lots of obscure (to me) people I can check out and claim
as my own when people have forgotten your response. Will look at them all in the
near future. (I’ve seen Chris Brown’s movie.)
Gary, where is RECAPTCHA when we need it? I can NOT believe that (a) you
learned those words, and (b) that you actually sat there and keyed them all in, and
(c) that you survived the experience. I have nothing to say but splork!
Laren and Everett — Awwwww. In a book I read years ago, set in the future, the
narrator thought back to the 20th century and especially that “obscure but oddly
satisfying” band, the Kinks. I’m going to have “Obscure but oddly satisfying”
chiseled into my tombstone.
CRASHED will eventually be in epub, Everett — it involves my filling out an
really onerous spreadsheet for the “publishing company” that Barnes and Noble
insists upon, whose only functions are to relieve me of small amounts of money
and make me fill out onerous spreadsheets. I currently sell more than 90% of all
my e-books on AMZ anyway.
And thanks for the links on the Pallisers and the Barsetshire books. Have DL’d
both because I can’t carry them around with me when I travel. I really believe that
the love story that runs through the Pallisers is one of the greatest ever written.
9. Gary Says:
Ah, Tim, Tim, you know much less than the half of it! The badness of the song is
far exceeded by the badness of the movie.
And I have to come clean: I didn’t remember the words. I lovingly transcribed
them from the sound track. (Including all the splurks.)
10.Debbi Says:
Have you ever seen a Japanese film called “Ikiru”? It’s one of THE most moving
and inspirational movies I’ve ever seen. It also manages to strike extremely
cynical notes at the same time. I highly recommend it.
I can’t lay claim to anything particularly obscure. Actually, I’ve been called a
sponge-tell me about something, and I want to read it, or see it. Although I was
raised in New York, I was too young to really appreciate it, and by the time, I
knew that I wanted to “know” something, there was always someone who pointed
me in the right direction. Some very good, and interesting, not so obscure writer is
costing me a fortune in obscure books. I have also been lucky enough to hang out
with some very bright people, so I have read some obscure books, but, if they are
known, are they still obscure? Gary-I love that you did what you did. That kind of
thing makes the world fun. Fairy Hedgehog-the painting of The Woman is throat
catchingly beautiful. Maybe I’m a knowledge snob, and there will never be
enough time to know enough.
Life Sentences, Day 119: Why Bother?
January 27th, 2011
Why do creative people do creative things?
One of the nice things about blogging, as opposed to academic writing, is that I don’t have to begin this
by defining “creative.” I’ll let the Joseph Cornell piece up there do it for me. As I see it, what Cornell
does is take more or less everyday things and put them in service of an internal vision, producing
something that is greater than the sum of its parts.
Most creative people, I think do something analogous, whether they work with objects, as Cornell often
did, or with paint, words, musical notes, pre-existing images, fabrics, clay, film, electronic components
— almost anything you can think of.
So on the one hand you have the creative person, who possesses the internal vision and wants to get it
out there. On the other hand, you have the medium — any of the things above. The creative person
brings them together and makes something that didn’t exist anywhere in the world before.
But why do they do it?
Speaking for myself, there are three reasons.
1. I can.
2. I don’t know what I’d do with my energy if I didn’t.
3. It’s fun sometimes.
My list is pretty bourgeois, pretty polite. I haven’t personally experienced the grim, haggard, wildeyed, damn-all-the-world-and-let-the-children-go-hungry, “La Boheme” compulsion to create that is
often depicted in books and films — Michelangelo lying cramped on his back for years to produce the
Sistine Chapel, Van Gogh starving and shivering in the field at night to paint the cosmos, or Dickens
pacing the streets of London all night long, reciting out loud the words as they came to him and then
rushing home to write them down.
I’m more in the mode of Trollope, who believed that talent arose from the act of exercising it, that it
was something that should be done by the clock. (Unfortunately for Trollope, when he revealed these
convictions in his autobiography, the Romantic view of art still held sway, and some critics dismissed
him as “a mere carpenter.” His sales fell off drastically.)
Maybe that’s the difference between genius and talent. Perhaps creativity is very different for those of
us who possess talent than it is for those who are possessed by genius.
I don’t write because I am compelled to. I do it because I don’t know what else to do. It fills my days
and allows me to choose my company, even if most of them are fictional. Nor do I write to make
scads of money. In twenty years of writing novels, I have earned perhaps one scad of money, although
if you average it out, I could probably have made more teaching school.
So for me, creativity is kind of pedestrian. I do it every day, sometimes well, sometimes less well. It
hasn’t made me rich or famous. Once in a while, I get to finish something, and it feels a little like it
popped into existence from another dimension. (This is the way I feel when I first open the box of
books from a publisher.) That’s cool, but once again, if you average it out, the total thrill amounts to
something that could have been doled out in infinitesimal sips of watery pleasure over the months and
months of writing.
What about you, now that I’ve pretty much reduced creativity to a cross between drudgery and
addiction? Why do you think people create? Why do you create? What’s the satisfaction? Why do
people keep doing it?
Oh, and speaking of keeping doing it, today’s blog puts me just a smidgen over a third of the way
through the year. If my multiplication is correct. People who are mathematically creative really
impress me.
your own site.
12 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 119: Why Bother?”
1. EverettK Says:
Well, not quite a third. 3*119 is only 357, so another 3 days (3*122=366) makes
just over 1/3 by day count. By month count, you’ve got to finish January, also
As to creativity: it’s wired into our genetics. There are lots of niches in the
environment, filled by lots of creatures that aren’t too terribly creative, or that
have been pretty much the same for tens of millions of years. So it’s not that
humans have reached some ultimate potential that all other species are also
striving towards. But we HAVE taken a path that encourages and requires
creativity in order to succeed and reproduce. Hunting and gathering requires
creativity, and the more you have, the better at it you will be. Agriculture and
cities (permanent abodes) require even more.
And then what do you do with all that creativity when you no longer need to
spend all of it and all of your time on surviving and reproducing? It (our
creatively evolved brains) has to find new outlets. And our brains have evolved to
be fantastic pattern matchers, pattern finders, and as a working mechanism, our
brains find pleasure in patterns, whether those patterns are musical, visual, or
purely …rhubarb (the right word escapes me) …non-physical, abstract! that’s the
word abstract, as in the beauty of a life well-lived (beauty is another related
issue… what is it?). Beauty is closely related to creativity and patterns and
balance and strangeness. We’re attracted to strangeness, because it often hides
either danger or something valuable, and sometimes nothing of interest at all. But
until it becomes not-strange (known), we don’t know whether there’s danger or
value there or not.
Our minds are beautifully complex things, carefully balanced between the parallel
precipices of genius and madness. All of it comes from being more successful,
and then sometimes evolution throws in an item that isn’t necessarily helpful, but
which also isn’t harmful.
Ah, life. ‘Tis a wondrous thing!
That’s the general, philosophical answer. In my own experience, writing computer
programs (and games in particular) for the past 30 years or so, I find pleasure in
It might be a small function that takes a string of alphabetic characters and makes
them all uppercase (or all lowercase). It might be code that generates a sequence
of seemingly random numbers. It might be a set of functions that draw a pretty
pattern on the display. Each one of those is a small squirt of pleasure juice from
the creative teat.
And then you put them all together, in just the right way, and you get a great BIG
squirt of pleasure juice from having created a game that thousands of other people
will play and enjoy, some of them for thousands of hours.
And why do they enjoy ‘wasting’ away their hours playing a silly game? Again, in
their leisure, it satisfies their need to create, to solve, to accomplish, those same
pleasure-needs that have been bred into our brains because they’ve helped us as a
species to survive and reproduce better. And right now we don’t need them 24
hours a day JUST to survive and reproduce, so we spend them in recreational
ways.
And writing a novel is very similar to writing a game (but totally different). One
word at a time, you build a sentence, one sentence at a time your build a
paragraph, one paragraph at a time you tell a story.
And after hundreds or thousands of hours, you have a finished story that
(hopefully thousands of) others will spend a few hours of creative visualization
time enjoying, because they have the leisure to do so, because our creativity has
made us successful enough to have that leisure time.
‘Tis a vicious circle.
This is an interesting post (of yours), because I’ve been reading through all of
your old blogs starting back in late 2006, and I’ve just gotten to the blogs in late
2008 and early 2009 where you asked a bunch of your “creative friends” to write
guest blogs for you about “Creative Living”. These can be found starting here:
Questions About Creativity — Nov 27, 2008
Although in a tomorrow that one will be pushed back one page, so you may need
to use the “Previous Entries” link at the bottom of that page to find the Nov 27,
2008 entry. Then you can work your way forward to read about “Creative Living”
from the points of view of many of Tim’s friends and acquaintances.
Good Stuff.
And since this has already gone on so long, this is probably a good place to point
out that I’ve created a web page on my site to ‘host’ the compendiums of Tim’s
blogs and the index to them. I still have most to work my way through 2009 and
the first 9 months of 2010, so it’s not complete yet. But what’s there is at:
eBooks – Timothy Hallinan”
The concatenated blogs and the index are available in Open Office, MS Word and
Adobe PDF formats.
I think if we take the romantic notions out of the equation, being creative boils
down to positive use of energy in whatever form it takes.
3. suzanna Says:
In art school I repeatedly heard that artists are artists because they have to be. It
fulfills a need that nothing else can.
Another constant refrain: the best art was that which demonstrated the most
compulsive tendencies. Great attention to an art work was one way that
compulsion showed, another was that an idea alone showed a level of compulsive
original thinking that made an art work great.
Yes, as Everett has already stated so well, and I agree, we are wired to be creative.
When people don’t use that creative energy they do silly things equivalent to the
rat that chews its own tail.
Great topic Tim. Sorry I was not as articulate as I wanted to be, and as this topic
deserves, but you’ve given us great food for thought.
Thanks!
I have to be doing something or I get fidgety.
I’m not really a born writer because I get more satisfaction from handcrafts than
writing – you get more of a finished product. Correction, I get more of a finished
product!
I used to get a similar sort of satisfaction from my job when I was well. Writing
reports, organising meetings, counselling clients, making things happen that
wouldn’t otherwise have happened. It’s all good.
I think we are hard wired to be creative, because the ability to survive was often
contingent on being creative. I think the addictive part of creativity comes from
the pleasure, and sense of accomplishment that comes from doing something well,
or not so well sometimes. It is the act that seems to be important. Like
fairyhedgehog, I balance all my mental work with a lot of handwork-to the point
where it becomes an addiction. I think there is a lot of work being done on
dopamine, and how much the pleasurable rush of this brain chemical affects our
behavior. In the end, I agree with all of you. We create because we must.
6. Gary Says:
A good proof that creativity is a compulsion external to our wills: when we look
back at something we produced in the past and forgot about, and think, “My God,
that’s brilliant! Did I really create that?”
Hi, Everybody –
Really, Everett, couldn’t you just have let it pass, instead of publicly humiliating
me? Here’s a specious piece of multiplication in a post that pretty much screams
battle fatigue — there’s nothing in it I haven’t said better elsewhere — and you
have to correct me? Could’t pity have won the day?
And then to refer people to the “Creative Living” thread, where people talk about
all these same issues, but better than I do? What have I done to you that you
should treat me so?
I am, however, stunned and flattered that you have taken the time and bandwidth
to index this site. For one thing, it means you had to read all the blogs since I
started this thing, back when Harry Truman was in the White House. Which
reminds me, whatever happened to our resolve, which has been stated by every
presidential candidate since Jimmy Carter, to “eliminate our dependence on
foreign oil?”
Got sidetracked there.
I agree with everyone who feels that creativity is hard-wired, and that it’s
somehow related to the pleasure we take in pattern recognition (great book title)
as opposed to chaos, but I still don’t know why some people feel the need to put it
front and center while others seem to be perfectly happy watching Snooki. I
suppose the liberal, egalitarian sentiment would be that all those people express
their creativity in different ways — figuring out which TV program to watch,
maybe — but I know an awful lot of people, including some very intelligent ones,
who don’t feel compelled to make anything. Perhaps it’s enough to get through
daily life; perhaps their art is the way they live. But that seems intrinsically
different from making a decision to use your energy primarily in making things
that fit even the most elastic definition of a creative enterprise. I like the pattern
idea, Everett; I just don’t think it addresses the question of why some do and some
don’t.
Laren, I agree that creative enterprises require positive energy but I’m not sure
that all use of positive energy is creative, not unless you expand the definition of
creativity to include most positive human activities: making friends, helping
others, etc. I think all those things can be done creatively, but they can also be
accomplished by rote — help others by writing a check, for example. It’s positive
energy, but it’s not necessarily creative activity.
Suzanna, I guess that’s often true — that artists are compelled to act on their
creative impulses, although I’d argue that there are lots and lots of creative people
who never overcome their insecurities or procrastination or laziness or
unwillingness to break familiar routines and who therefore never express their
creative impulses. So I guess, by definition, they’re creative but not “artists.” I’m
usually reluctant to go in this direction because I don’t think of myself as an artist,
although I’m the creative example I’m more or less obligated to refer to when I
write about these things. The Balinese would argue that there’s no line between
life and art, but when they need to carve the stone for a temple, they don’t assign
the task on a random basis; they go to the best stone carvers. I have no idea what
I’m trying to say here, so no apology from you is necessary. What it boils down
to, I think, is that I do believe everyone is capable of creativity; I do believe that
there doesn’t need to be a big thick line between life and art. I guess the questions
are why doesn’t everyone act on his/her creative impulses (as they do when
they’re children) and why, by contrast, are some of us compelled to? And I don’t
mean “compelled” in the Romantic, tousle-haired, puffy-sleeve shirt stereotype.
And there has to be a difference between artists and compulsives, unless what
we’re suggesting is that there are just a lot of talentless compulsives.
FHH, I understand the pleasure in completion. It’s powerful, and it’s most
powerful when it’s a creative completion, as opposed, say, to doing a month’s
worth of laundry. And I envy my brothers, both of whom work in art forms that
require less time from idea to completion. I’d love to know what it feels like to get
there five or ten times a year.
Lil, I’m with you although my question about why some people and not others
remains. In addition to the pleasure of work that’s purely creative, there’s also a
lot of joy to be derived from completing anything that’s really complicated or
difficult. I think people get a real thrill from completing an enormous jigsaw
puzzle, for example; they’ve put in all that time and met all those little challenges
to complete the big one.
Gary, I think it’s interesting that we do that, and I know I do, but I’m not sure that
it means that the creative compulsion is external to our wills, although the work
we bring into being through creative activity may seem to be something that was
directed through us or something that we uncovered rather than something we
“made up.” It’s the old distinction between making it up and getting it down, and I
have no idea what it actually means although I experience it almost daily.
I think I can rest secure in the knowledge that I’ve muddied the waters rather
thoroughly.
8. EverettK Says:
Tim said: Really, Everett, couldn’t you just have let it pass, instead of publicly
humiliating me?
I’ve passed up far too many opportunities lately, Tim, and the pressure has been
building. Sorry that this post just broke the camel’s back and released all of that
pent up steam (better it come out the back than out the back end…)
And just to save you from future embarrassment (at least, along this line), you will
pass these milestones on these days:
1/3 122
2/5 146
1/2 183
3/5 219
2/3 244
3/4 274
4/5 292
1/1 365
Just tryin’ to help. (But maybe I shouldn’t have laid it all out like that. It might
seem daunting to you. But look at it this way: with each blog you write you’re
becoming a more and more experienced writer. Soon, you may actually get
published! No, wait… that’s not right…)
Tim said: I like the pattern idea, Everett; I just don’t think it addresses the
question of why some do and some don’t.
Why are some people tall and some short?
Why are some skinny and some fat?
Why do some have brown eyes and some blue?
Roll of the dice, man, roll of the dice.
That, and up-bringing, environment, examples, teaching, pressure…
Tim said: I guess the questions are why doesn’t everyone act on his/her creative
impulses (as they do when they’re children) and why, by contrast, are some of us
compelled to?
Training (to fit into The Machine) and/or the lack thereof (parents and teachers
who don’t encourage it).
Also, I think another aspect of it is that different people are just different (different
brains). Some folks are ‘butterflies’, they’re ADHD, they can’t stay focused on
any one task or subject for more than 5 or 10 minutes, while other people swing
towards the ‘obsessive-compulsive’ end of the spectrum and tend to lock in on
One Thing for long periods of time. I suspect it’s harder to be creative (in many
ways, anyway) when you’re a butterfly. Of course, it can be hard if you go too far
off the obsessive-compulsive end, too. It’s an interesting dance of balance that our
brains perform, and it’s different for everyone one of us, I think.
I agree with Everett about people. (The rest I’m not so sure about-my math ability
is nothing to write home about). But, Tim, do you know people who never read a
book? Whose creativity is limited to cooking what they have for 50 years? Whose
sense of security rests on things being exactly the same all the time? OCD,
insecurity, fear of the unknown, and a terror of things being out of whack, and so
blunted that life is lived at a level that is scary in its lack of discrimination.. And
then there are people whose whole life is a creation. They are artistic at even the
smallest things-decorating, helping people, a great sense of humor. The artist has
to do with how we “dance” with life. Maybe with how we make omelets out of
broken eggs, or how we relish as many “moments” as we can. And I’m not even
talking about the artist, writer, photographer, etc. There are people who are gifted.
And some who are not.
10.Debbi Says:
11.Larissa Says:
February 2nd, 2011 at 1:29 pm
I have to say, I’ve been called a Butterfly before and I struggle with my creative
endeavors but not with my creativity itself. Of course, I go through my modes of
“I have no creativity” but then I do something absurd (I’m still haunted by the
beautiful quote from the Creative Living series about turning flour into dough and
dough into pizza) and I’m reminded, that yes, I do have creativity I just don’t
always know what to do with it.
I actually stopped creating entirely one time. I stopped buying art supplies, yarn,
knitting needles, whatever. I quit every expression of myself that I knew because I
was convinced that I was an impostor and a cad and had no business trying to be
“artistic”.
It didn’t work. I don’t remember what the last straw was but I remember trying to
“redo” something that didn’t need to be redone just so I could get my hands on
fabric and dyes again. It wasn’t a conscious thing either.
I’ll use my dad as the best example. He’s an engineer. He tried to work for
someone else doing engineering-esque stuff but not the stuff he’s good at and
loves. He didn’t want the stress that came with the former life style etc. etc. What
happened? He ended up explaining how the sprinkler system worked to me and
what the pipeline system must have looked like randomly one day at lunch after I
asked him a question about his lawn…
I laughed and told him that he needed to be building again because his brain
needed the fuel to chew on…he was literally inventing intellectual stimulus
because he was going crazy without it. And he didn’t even know it until that day
at lunch.
So-perhaps it’s true that we’re hard wired to create something whether it’s a home
or a waste-water treatment plant like my dad, but no, simply because we bounce
from one thing to the next doesn’t mean it’s more difficult to be creativesometimes it’s harder to channel all the energy we do have-but it’s not harder to
be “creative”.
People bother with being creative whether it’s a choice or not (“artist” vs
everyone else) because life demands different answers for different situations.
People just happen to interpret what that means very personally.
Perhaps all this is just a regurgitation of what Everett said but it was fun to parse
through all the thoughts that lit my brain on fire when I started thinking about why
I create or why my dad explains sprinkler systems over lunch.
February 4th, 2011 at 10:11 am
Debbi, that’s basically my reason, too. Very concise. And when you’ve finished,
they are there.
Riss, the “imposter” phenomenon is the most devious of all the smoke screens
thrown up by the Nozers, those little internal demons that exist to do nothing but
say “no.” No, you can’t write — you’re only pretending to be a
writer/painter/quilt-maker/sidewalk artist/whatever.
The only answer is “Well, I’m writing, so I’m a writer. And if I’m not a very good
writer yet, this is how I get better. So thank you very much and fuck off.”
I got through that 400 times on every book, most frequently in the Dread Middle.
Life Sentences, Day 120: Voting Among the Ruins?
January 29th, 2011
Is democracy outdated?
Before you give up on me permanently, let me rant for a moment. Or five.
In the past 30 years America has slipped, relative to other countries, in almost every possible way. The
richest country on the planet is now the biggest debtor in world history. One of the best-educated
societies is now in the lower middle rankings of student achievement compared to other developed
nations. We don’t even come in very high on the somewhat vaporous happiness and satisfaction
indexes.
In the meantime, China has taken over the world economically. It holds trillions of dollars of our debt.
Its educational systems are turning out the scientists, engineers, urban planners, and technology
whizzes it needs. It’s even in transition from being one of the world’s most polluted countries — a
consequence of its extraordinarily successful, balls-to-the-walls industrial policies — and is making
spectacular progress in going green.
What’s the difference?
Two things, I think. First, the Chinese can make (and live up to) five, ten, and twenty-year plans and
we can’t. Second, China’s leaders don’t need (as of now) to be afraid to make hard choices when
they’re required for longterm benefit. Our “leaders” are terrified of doing anything that might lose
them a vote.
In America, we think in terms of four- and eight-year plans, which an administration announces and
then attempts to implement while the opposition party, jockeying for position in the next elections,
demonizes those plans and attempts to kneecap them at every turn. Then, four or eight years later, a
new set of programs — “important national initiatives for America and America’s children,” as the
hack in office puts it every time — is announced, demonized, and kneecapped.
So, while the Chinese are working on their thirty-year green plan, every presidential candidate in the 32
years or so since Jimmy Carter turned down the thermostat in the White House has pledged “to reduce
our dependence on foreign oil.” It’s been more than three decades since Carter made the pledge, and
we use more foreign oil than ever before.
How many trillions of dollars have been poured into all the “wars on poverty”? Let me check for a
moment to see whether we still have poverty. Yup. How many hundreds of millions on the “War on
Drugs”? Americans still getting loaded? Yup. How long have we been arguing over illegal
immigration? Anything done — good, bad, or indifferent — about it? Nope.
And when we do manage to move in one direction for any length of time, we do it on an ad hoc basis
that is often self-kneecapping. ”Green,” for example. It’s good, most politicians think, to be green. So
California, with Washington’s encouragement, enacts the most ambitious green agenda in history.
To support California and encourage “green jobs,” the perpetually misguided Obama administration
gives half a billion dollars to a California maker of solar panels so they can expand, “grow jobs,” and
help the state go green. Problem is, making solar panels is environmentally dirty, and the same state
and federal governments enact fees and restrictions that drive the price up on California-produced solar
panels, so the company doesn’t expand and, in fact, cuts jobs. At a time when California
unemployment is 13 percent.
So we go green and “reduce our dependence on foreign oil” buy buying foreign solar panels — from
China. And the the Rebuglicans and the Damnocrats — whoever’s blaming the current administration
for letting the deficit get out of hand — says it’s time “To get tough on China.”
The student council in my junior high school was run more effectively than this.
And the trillions and trillions of dollars in debt? Where are we going to find the people who will make
the choices necessary to reign in spending and increase revenues? The Republicans in the House and
Senate have barely gotten their chairs warm and they’re already attempting to wiggle out from under.
So what happens if we simply continue to pile up debt, if our states go bankrupt, if China eventually
holds paper worth eight or ten times our gross national product? And other countries lose interest in
the dollar? What do we do then? Get rough on China?
Maybe the world just changes too fast these days for the processes of democracy to keep pace with
things. Maybe American democracy has been corrupted and degraded and needs — somehow — to be
washed clean. Maybe we need to outlaw our disgraceful political parties, put all professional
politicians on the street to sell apples, and elect hairdressers and lumberjacks and street mimes. Maybe
we need to lift the term limits on the presidency and give someone a chance at actually implementing
the policies he or she gets elected on. Maybe we need one-party rule for a while.
Okay, okay, I know that all of these are impossible. But we sure as shit need something.
There. Now you can give up on me.
This entry was posted on Saturday, January 29th, 2011 at 7:54 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
6 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 120: Voting Among the Ruins?”
Interesting you bring this up. We were having a relate conversation just the other
night & the idea was floated that we’re in this mess because people in this country
(and maybe worldwide) believe what they want to believe. In other words, they
don’t make up their minds, they make up their emotions. So how do you appeal to
reason if people aren’t being reasonable?
The answer is obviously privatizing and outsourcing — which I secretly believe
Tim has done. He has privatized his blog and has outsourced it so it’s written by a
nice fellah in Sri Lanka named Andy. Come clean, Tim — it’s true isn’t it.
2. suzanna Says:
Hi, Tim
Well, I’ve left fuming over the state of politics behind for six weeks now since I
deliberately have taken a breather from reading the news.
I used to subject myself to at least a twice a day review of the national and
international news, unless it was a hot news day. If it was a day when things were
really heating up somewhere in the world I’d be online half a dozen times a day
checking to see how things were developing. This level of news gorging made me
highly informed, no doubt, but it also gave me a very bleak outlook on the state of
our country and the planet.
So I began to ask myself, how can I even begin to have any optimism at all if all I
do is read about how f-d up everything is?
Of course it hasn’t been a complete news black out. Little bits of news are
unavoidable as I pass by a radio or TV someone else is listening to, or if people
talk about some issue or another in my presence. But other than that I have been
blissfully ignorant all this time and I highly recommend it to give time to reflect
and recharge.
I’ve learned that going on a news fast is a great way to revitalize the optimism that
I should have about our future but which simply has no chance of surviving at all
if all I do is spend time learning how messed up everything is.
Surely, somewhere, there are stories of people who are working hard to make a
difference? Our news media is not at all focused on solutions but on fear, tragedy,
and heartbreak.
In the past revolutionary changes were born for the people by the people and I
really believe that’s what will bring the kind of change we need now. Guns in the
street kind of revolution? Well, I’m not an advocate of that, but in essence we
need that kind of energy to sweep across our nation in order to shift our current
state of apathy to a place where people are invested in the changes that they want
to see that will make us better equipped to provide the education that is needed, to
ensure that we have a fighting chance to save our environment, etc., etc., etc.
If I do not have a tiny shred of hope that maybe not tomorrow, maybe not ten
years from now, but one day in America’s future all the things that have hampered
us from achieving greatness will begin to shift from this very bleak time in our
history to something better.
What else what can I do? I can’t move to a more enlightened country, I can’t turn
my back on the news forever. So then what to do?
I need to follow my own advice and pick an issue and devote my time and energy
to it. It doesn’t really matter what it is. There are so many issues that are begging
for help and there are a lot more of us, the people, then there are of those
nincompoops who call themselves leaders.
Signing off from my soap box now and anxious to hear what solutions others may
have.
Excellent points, Tim.
We’ve had one-party rule for thirty years, and we all know how that’s turned out.
Democracy only works when the citizens living in that democracy are smart
enough to actually vote intelligently. If American men were as over-medicated
with Viagra as the general US population is with fluoride, no self-respecting
American man could ever again stand up in public. (Yes, fluoride has a negative
effect on mental ability.)
Because the availability of natural resources is inversely proportional to the
number of people competing for those resources, I believe that the redundant
population world-wide is soon to be culled. The signs are everywhere that our
corporate-appointed leaders are anxious to see most of us dead.
The scariest thing about the rants is that I don’t see a solution, except to vote, and
talk up the belief system I have. Democracy may not work due to the lowest
common denominator factor, as in things will sink to the lowest…I also wonder
about capitalism. I used to think this was the greatest system ever, but the theorists
never factored in greed, and corruption. The thing that is scary is that the thing
that made this country strong was a vibrant and large middle class. I see this
economy eating into that group. The Republicans and Tea Partiers seem to
advocate social engineering. If you can’t cut it, tough. And if you have to lie, well,
learn how to do that. Oops, rant of my own here. I stop now.
5. EverettK Says:
All very good points, Tim. But it’s not just a political problem, it’s primarily a
SOCIAL (society) problem.
Tim said: First, the Chinese can make (and live up to) five, ten, and twenty-year
plans and we can’t. Second, China’s leaders don’t need (as of now) to be afraid to
make hard choices when they’re required for longterm benefit. Our “leaders” are
terrified of doing anything that might lose them a vote.
This is true. However, what is also true (and maybe MORE important), the
Chinese (as a society) are HUNGRY, and Americans are not. Chinese are where
America was 100 years ago: a LOT of very poor people, willing to work HARD
to improve their lives and the lives of their children, and their children are willing
to work hard to improve their own lives.
In America today, most people have it too soft (bear with me…) Even many of the
poorest of people in the U.S. have it better than probably 80% of the Chinese
population. Because of that, kids grow up in the U.S. with a sense of entitlement
(because they’ve been given everything they need and want by their parents,
schools and government). Why would 80% of American kids work hard when 1)
they don’t need to and 2) their parents don’t push them to?
It’s the natural course of civilizations, and I started suspecting back in the mid-70s
that American had probably peaked, and became pretty convinced of it by the 90s.
I’m sure the U.S. will still have its ‘ups’, but it’s going to have a lot more downs.
The debt we already have, as a nation AND as individuals, combined with the lack
of interest and willpower on the part of too large of a segment of the population, is
just not going to let our country recover its ‘steam’ any time soon. And
meanwhile, China, India, and pretty much every other “poor country” are working
their butts off to improve THEIR situations.
I’m basically an optimist, but I try to balance that by being a realist, too, and I just
don’t see things turning around in the rest of MY lifetime.
Everybody’s right, and everybody knows it but nobody knows what to do.
I sympathize with Lil, who wants to believe that one party is better than the other,
but I’ve come to think that the great political philosopher for the 21st century is
Pete Townshend of the Who, who wrote in the 20th century:
Meet the new boss
Same as the old boss.
Have you noticed the campaign financing reform ballet of the last 20 years or so?
The party out of power calls for campaign financing reform and the party in
power moves ahead in a meaningless fashion. Then the party out of power comes
into power, and the parties reverse their positions.
We will never have campaign finance reform.
My brother Mike, who is, um, computer-new and is continually defeated by
ReCatcha, e-mailed me to make the same point Everett does, about this being the
inevitable decline, and the Chinese simply being hungrier. (I would point out that
there are an awful lot of hungry nations and only one China, but that would put us
back into the Tiger Mother discussion.)
And I agree with Phil about the only voters who can vote intelligently are
intelligent voters and that’s not what American schools are turning out these
decades. I don’t think they want us dead (although that might not apply to
Pakistanis and other, browner, people) if only because they’d lose their tax base.
Like Suzanna, I look for hope without a lot of expectation of finding much. But I
just went somewhere today that lifted my spirits, a little California town called
Cerritos. I just blogged about it today for Murder is Everywhere, and I’m going to
steal that blog and redo it for tomorrow. Just to cheer people up.
Life Sentences, Day 121: Strawberry Fields
January 29th, 2011
Want hope for America’s future? Go to Cerritos, California.
I just got back (this is late Saturday night) from an all-day mystery event at the Cerritos Public Library,
in the town of Cerritos, which is East and South of Los Angeles, not far from Anaheim.
That’s the library, up there — a towering, curving mass covered in hammered titanium, inspired by
Frank Gehry’s Bilbao museum, that houses one of the most beautiful and most functional spaces I’ve
ever seen.
Cerritos is a small town.
This library should be a national destination and a national symbol for community priorities and selfreliance. It’s not just enormous and beautiful. It’s extravagantly creative and it’s completely paid for
— by the community.
Here’s the entrance to the Children’s Library.
The television screens run live footage from a camera pointing at a bench just inside the entrance. Kids
sit there, giggling at themselves and screaming from time to time, because their images are
superimposed over an animated dinosaur that’s behind them and keeps bending down to eat them.
To the left of this entrance is a floor-to-ceiling aquarium that kids flock to. It forms one wall of the
children’s library. And inside, kids see — what else? A giant tyrannosaurus statue and a cloudy sky
that goes slowly from day to evening and back again. Little kids with books are everywhere.
Not that the adults have been overlooked. Here’s one (of several) sets of computer workstations.
The library has been a Cerritos priority for more than forty years. It 100% paid for by the community’s
residents and merchants; it has zero debt. The planning began in the late 1960s, and ever since then the
community has floated and purchased its own city bonds, contributed through community drives and
“friends” organizations and, essentially, made the library a primary civic priority. At one hand, when
expenses got out of hand, a proposal was floated to to turn the whole thing over to the state, but the
community voted it down and ponied up.
When the commitment to the institution was first made, the ground on which the library now stands
was used for growing strawberries. In fact the first groundbreaking, scheduled for April 1972, was put
off for several months to allow the final crop to ripen. For some reason, that knocks me out.
And Cerritos, while not a depressed area, is no Beverly Hills. They made a decision that the library
should be one of the centers of community life, and they stood by that decision for decades. How long
since we’ve seen Washington or a state capitol persevere like that? Other than in wars, I mean.
Cerritos is a widely diverse community — mainly pan-Asian, but also white, Hispanic, and AfricanAmerican — with a broad spectrum of socioeconomic levels. And it’s got books at its heart.
Oh, and it’s also home to the top-performing high school in California, Whitney High — which U.S.
News & World Report identified in 2010 as the third best in the United States. Gee, wonder if there’s
any connection.
What we need are 100,000 communities like Cerritos. Just might turn things around.
This entry was posted on Saturday, January 29th, 2011 at 10:22 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
9 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 121: Strawberry Fields”
1. Sylvia Says:
2. Bonnie Says:
Proud to say we have a gorgeous new library in Castro Valley, too (the town the
time forgot). Not only are the space and functionality breathtaking, but my
landscape-architect best friend, Lynelle, says the landscaping is also top notch
environmentally. Once a month I volunteer there as the “lawyer in the library,”
and I’m now joined by another female attorney. There are all kinds of community
functions, including lectures by authors and a mediation program for neighbor
disputes. These pictures show opening day, when people formed a line between
the old library and the new and passed books along the mile and half or so. Makes
me tear up just thinking about it:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/castrovalleylibrary/sets/72157622733224374/with/4
110294837/
In addition to this hopeful blog, this morning a friend sent me a link
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFNb2_8lRsY)
to a 97 second video of an Israeli doctor whose brother was killed by Hamas
members. So he decided to do something. What he did was not seek revenge, but
rather, he created a volunteer organization that helps Palestinians — especially
children apparently — get to excellent medical treatment.
My response to that, much as my response to Tim’s blog today, is how can we see
more of this kind of “good news?”
If we create our reality by what we perceive, and if most of what we perceive is
the divisiveness and conflict presented by the greater media (though, to be fair, the
YouTube video was part of the CNN Heroes series), then what is the reality we
are continually creating for ourselves to live in?
I don’t know that there’s a way to change what’s presented to the general
population, however I guess I can influence my own perceptions by what I choose
to assimilate into my own consciousness.
I sure don’t mean to ignore the bad and only see the good. I do mean that I can
choose what to dwell upon in my own personal reality.
Thanks for the glimpse at this great library.
These are beautiful pictures because of the spirit they embody. My small town
library has be fighting for years to get a new building; I may forward this to them.
Bonnie, your pictures are charming, and you can see the pride and emotion of
these folks. I believe there are people who will continue to make things happen,
and create (there’s that word again) functional beauty. Just as there are people
with good hearts and minds. The things is, can they prevail?
5. suzanna Says:
I am very fortunate to live in a place where our community is well vested in our
library system and in education in general. The city along with many “Friends of
the Library” refurbished the main branch of the library to its original glory and it
is such a wonderful thing for our community.
A world class university at our doorstep that has some of the best research
libraries in the world is also something we are very lucky to have but
unfortunately I don’t take advantage of that nearly enough.
Great reminder to read more and to spend more time at the library so thanks for
this, Tim.
Hooray for you, Sylvia. Imagine: a functional community that puts literacy and
education high on its list or priorities. And from what people are writing here, it
seems as though we have others, too.
Bonnie, maybe Man and I will move to Castro Valley. The town that time forgot
sounds right to me. Time hasn’t been very kind to a lot of places lately. Towns like
yours and Suzanna’s and Cerritos really do represent shining examples that the rot
and ugliness of so much of the modern age (do I sound old, or what?) can be, if
not reversed, at least held at bay. The pictures are wonderful; no wonder the
memory chokes you up. And whoever thought of the line of patrons passing books
from hand to hand should be moved into the Oval Office immediately.
Laren, what an inspiring video, and what an inspiring response. That’s the kind of
moral clarity we all need, and one of the reasons Mun and I love you guys so
much. Just a great, great response.
Lil, I know your library has probably thought of everything. The Cerritos library
already had the full sympathy and energy of the city government, and they floated
bond issues that raised most of the funds. One other thing I admire about the
Cerritos library is that when they were in the hole they passed up an outside
“rescue” proposal that would have made their library part of a much larger and
much more dysfunctional system If they hadn’t it would probably be underutilized
and scarred by graffiti now. I hope your community rallies around its library.
Suzanna, you do indeed live in an exceptional city, with higher learning right next
door as an example of why we need to set high goals for our kids and help them
achieve them. Wouldn’t it be nice if this spirit could spread? And by “this spirit,” I
mean (a) putting important things first, and (b) solving problems locally. Look at
the people of the Gulf — still waiting for the stumblebums in Washington to take
action.
7. Sharai Says:
This blog has just been bumped up into “exceptional” status. Reading your posts
of yesterday and today back to back gave me the same rush I used to get from
ditching class to go to the ocean!
We humans need beauty and inspiration just as much as food and water. You
answered an unanswerable rant with a concrete example of the central theme of
your blog, CREATIVITY. This small piece of art speaks to me of what could be
the next CCC program for California. Creativity, Cooperation, Children.
8. Robb Royer Says:
The question in my mind is – why? What made Cerritos rise above the ennui,
stupidity and sense of entitlement that grips nearly every other American
community? A great leader? If so, who? Something in the water? Apparently not
fluoride, right Phil? How did one town rise above greed and the addiction to
instant grat and continue a noble vision for more than a generation? Any idea?
Thanks, Sharai — it was dumb luck that the Cerritos experience happened the day
after I posted the rant, but I’m happy that the two went together so well, And I
love the CCC campaign.
Robb — I don’t know how it all got started, but I’d be willing to bet that the past
25 years or so owe a lot to the 58% Asian sector of the population — mostly
Korean and Chinese — who insist on good schooling and the systems to support
it. (Tiger Mothers, anyone?) The top-rated high school is public, but students need
to qualify to enter it; the others go to another high school, which has a
considerably lower ranking.
It’s interesting, though, that education isn’t the only city accomplishment. Cerritos
has a beautiful performing arts center and the only solar-powered city hall in
America. The city really likes to be independent; it formed its own power
company, in partnership with four other towns, and its own school district, in
partnership with two others, which is why the deadening hand of the LAUSD
hasn’t destroyed Whitney High School.
Really interesting place.
Life Sentences, Day 122: Random Rock Star Meme
January 30th, 2011
So I’m taking a mini-vacation with this piece and essentially passing something on.
Psychologist Carl Jung was enamored of the I Ching, the venerable Chinese divination tool, not
because he believed it accurately predicted anything but because he thought it allowed those who
consulted it to see new connections. The supplicant framed a question and drew the yarrow stalks or
tossed the coins until they formed a hexagram of broken and unbroken lines, such as:
The hexagrams and certain lines within them carry messages: “Perseverance furthers” and “Seek the
great man,” for example. Definitely not specific, and as Jung saw it, the seeker reframed his or her
approach to the question by reconsidering it in light of these cryptic pronouncements.
This is an incredibly pretentious introduction to a cute little meme I lifted off Tumblr. Tumblr is, of
course, Facebook for those of us who still have faces, which is to say mostly teenagers, and I
discovered it in tracking down Allen Chiu, who designs the covers for my e-books.
The meme gives you a method to name your personal rock group and then design and title its CD. I
was sort of amazed when I did it. First, let’s look again (and a little larger) at that top image.
Okay, got it? Band name, cover art, and CD title.
Here’s how you do it.
1. Go to Wikipedia.org, click on English (if that’s what you speak) and when an article pops up on
your screen look to the left and click on Random article. The title of your article is the name of your
band.
2. Go to quotationspage.com and click on Random Quotes over on the left. Look at the last quotation
on the page. The final 3-6 words of that quotation are the title of the album.
3. Go to flickr.com, drop down to the bottom of the page, and click on images from the last 7 days. If
this takes you to a single image, look to the right and click again on Interesting photos from the last 7
days. The third photo from the left is your album cover. (If you get an image that can’t be saved –
many are protected — go to the next and the next, in order, until you find one that can be saved.)
4. Use any image-processing software to put the type and image together. If you don’t have one, go to
the Photoscape download page and download the program. It’s free and it’s virus-free and it’s easy.
(Mac people are out of luck, but then you already have everything a computer user could ever need,
don’t you?)
Put it all together. If it really doesn’t work, start over — no fair tweaking what chance delivers. E-mail
your final to me. If I get a few, I’ll put them all up in a later blog.
I was astonished that this came out as it did. I think the image, the band name, and the title work out
great. The old I Ching phenomenon at work.
I have a really crappy set of fonts, but of course you Mac users have a much broader selection.
By the way, Photoscape really is cool. Get it. Oh, and Everett? This time I really am one-third of the
way through.
This entry was posted on Sunday, January 30th, 2011 at 10:05 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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7 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 122: Random Rock Star Meme”
1. EverettK Says:
2. Bonnie Says:
Okay, you have mine. I was a bit unlucky in my quotations, but the Flickr photo
more than made up for it.
3. EverettK Says:
Okay, I give up. Flickr has defeated me. I went through 6 pages of 9 pictures each,
and they’re ALL copyrighted, all rights reserved. Some GREAT pictures, and I
could do a screen capture and use one anyway, but then you’d be in violation of
copyright if you reposted it on your blog…. sigh. Are you sure you found some
uncopyrighted pictures on Flickr???
Okay, after trying another three pages of “last 7 days” photos and still finding
them all copyrighted, all rights reserved, I gave up and clicked on the link for
Commons, and grabbed one from there. Album cover is on its way…
4. Bonnie Says:
You can still download them–I think if I created a private, password-protected
folder we could show them to each other without being in violation of the
photographer’s rights. Just let me know…
I have a mac, and I tried to play with it. No go, but I got a cool album title-It’s Just
a Good Idea. Play is good for the soul.
Hey, everybody. Just read on 4MA that it looks like Tim has found (possibly) a
home for Poke, Rose, Miaow and Arthit. Sounds very promising. Great news!
7. Bonnie Says:
February 1st, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Wow, that is great news, Lil! Well deserved, too, and about time!
Life Sentences, Day 123: Random Rock Band Reviews
February 1st, 2011
So, the meme: name your band, title your album, and select your cover art, all at random via the, umm,
miracle of the Internet.
I got four entries (I think — am I forgetting somebody?) and they’re all ace. I wouldn’t be surprised to
see music companies try this.
Let’s begin our roundup of reviews with the most eclectic of the week’s new releases, the intermittently
interesting Union of Kedainiai.
This is the Union of Kedainiai’s fifth year together, and their latest album, THE PERSON I KNOW,
explores a haunting trance electronica reminiscent of Klaus Shulze’s TRANCIFER. Listening closely
for any of the Polish and Swedish root music that was the centerpiece of all of their previous work, is
an exercise in futility as this album is a complete departure.
The departure of bagpipe virtuoso MacLemore “Mac” MacPherson, who brought such brio to the
polkas on last year’s KIELBASA KISSES will undoubtedly by mourned by some fans while others will
line up to buy confetti and paper hats.
Next up: The third outing by agony-rock thrashers Cape Vincent.
THERE IS NO GOD is the band’s attempted recovery from the collection that was supposed to be their
breakthrough, 2009′s FEMALE CIRCUMCISION, which sold 191 units and racked up returns of 216.
In the aftermath, the band’s three lead guitarists tossed out group founder and bagpipe virtuoso
MacLemore “Mac” MacPherson and sued for control of the band’s name. To replace MacPherson and
take the band in a different direction, they brought onboard the Peruvian roots ensemble The Inca
Pipes, the string section of the Berlin Philharmonic, and Michael Bolton. The result is an uneasy blend,
although the first single, Bolton’s bluesy “The Girl With the Cigarette In Her Hand With the Guy
Behind Her,” is getting some play on junior-college radio.
PEOPLE WHO CARED ENOUGH TO HELP ME is a return to form for Lies & Crimes following last
year’s disastrous television show, “Kate’s Closet,” in which the band followed around much-excoriated
reality star Kate Gosselin and improvised on the spot a musical soundtrack to her life. Gosselin’s lack
of popularity meant low ratings until she embarked on an unplanned affair with the much-traveled
bagpipe virtuoso MacLemore “Mac” MacPherson, who used his romantic leverage to fire the band and
take over the soundtrack himself. Lies & Crimes were long forgotten by the time Gosselin, in one of
the most widely viewed YouTube vids in history, took a pair of garden shears to MacPherson’s
bagpipes. PEOPLE WHO CARED ENOUGH TO HELP me puts icicle xylophonist Finland Eddie
front and center again, following his lowered profile in the television series because his instrument kept
melting. ”Cool” to have you back, Eddie.
A SUBJECT OF INTEREST is the first outing by Operation Pike, the newest venture by bagpipe
virtuoso MacLemore “Mac” MacPherson. In an act of bravado that some have called foolhardy,
MacPherson, frustrated by his inability to find a band to play with, recorded this album on the sidewalk
outside the Century Theaters in Portland, Oregon. Armed with guitar, drums, bass, and his second-best
bagpipe, he waited until a show let out and then waved twenty-dollar bills in the faces of departing
patrons until he had three takers. Each moviegoer would take an instrument and attempt to follow
MacPherson through a Scottish drinking song. By the time the police arrived, MacPherson had the five
cuts on this EP. I’ve listened to the EP three times, and I think you had to be there.
The CDs for this critical roundup were created by SUZANNA AGUAYO (Union of Kedainiai);
EVERETT KASER (Cape Vincent); COLLEEN KENNEDY (Lies & Crimes); and BONNIE
RILEY (The Pike Project). Thanks to all of them, and also to the I Ching. Just because.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 1st, 2011 at 1:51 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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8 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 123: Random Rock Band Reviews”
1. EverettK Says:
Wow, that MacLemore “Mac” MacPherson, he’s the new John Lennon, huh?
Wow, you guys are creative geniuses. It’ll be interesting to see where this “Mac”
turns up next. Mine couldn’t be saved…:-(
3. Colleen Says:
I heard Mac hooked up with that Robb guy and they’re coming out with new
CD… “Mac Blows Nashville.”
4. Debbi Says:
Reading this blog can be a psychedelic experience.
Do not drive or operate heavy machinery after reading this.
5. Suzanna Says:
This gotta lot of giggles. Mac MacPherson had quite a year! Thanks a lot for
putting this together for us, Tim. Hard to believe chance could be so interesting.
What? I mean,what? What was the question again?
7. Larissa Says:
omg. roflmao. That’s all I have to say to that. (c:
February 7th, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Thanks, everyone. I actually answered all of these a couple of days ago but my
Captcha didn’t go through and by the time it was rejected, I had moved on. Sorry.
The one thing I DO want to make clear is that Colleen is a friend of Robb’s —
there’s nothing derogatory in her comment. Not about Robb, at least. Not so sure
about myself.
This is a great meme, and everyone had terrific results.
Life Sentences, Day 124: Mulligan Stew
February 2nd, 2011
Yes, that’s “Mac,” playing for pennies in the Brixton tube station. How the mighty have fallen.
Only moments after this picture was taken he insulted a passer-by who hadn’t dropped a coin in the hat,
and he was carried out of the station by guards.
Just a sort of stew today, bits and pieces from hither and yon.
Yes, Lil is right. We have an offer on the table, with two other companies considering the series. We
should know by Friday. I’m happy about it — Poke and the family belong in hard cover and paperback
— but there are some details that need to be worked out. I can’t be more specific than that.
But it’s good news.
I’m about 13,000 words from the end of PULPED. I like what I’ve got, but it’s resolving itself too
easily. What I need is for one of three characters to throw a spanner in the works so things stretch out
naturally, as opposed to my doing something mechanical, some sort of plot-driven reversal. If God’s
willing and the creek don’t rise, I could have a complete draft within ten days, and then poor Munyin
will have to sit through the whole thing out loud.
The day PULPED is put to bed, I’ll have to decide what’s next. It should probably be Poke #5, but I
have a great beginning on the third Junior, MUTHER’S DAY, and I’d also like to pull together the
writing book based on that part of my site, plus about 50 blogs I’ve contributed to other writing sites.
How I wish I had the energy I had back in the bad old days when I could do 5000 words on one project
and then turn to another for another 1500-2000 words.
GOD WILLING AND THE CREEK DON’T RISE is the name of a sensational CD by Ray
LaMontagne & The Pariah Dogs. I wanted to put a song in here but they’re all over the sevenmegabyte limit. Great music.
Happy Chinese New Year, everybody, and welcome to the Year of the Rabbit. If you’re lucky enough to
be a Rabbit, you’re talented, articulate, and ambitious. Anybody want to trade birthdays?
This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011 at 10:09 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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10 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 124: Mulligan Stew”
1. EverettK Says:
February 2nd, 2011 at 10:59 am
Congratulations on everything moving forwards nicely (apparently).
Based upon what I’ve read before, I would think you wouldn’t want to work on
the Poke book any further until the contract stuff is settled. Of course, that will
likely BE settled by the time you finish PULPED, so it may be a moot point. You
may be contractually obligated to work on Poke #5 by the time you finish
PULPLED. N’est pas?
Not that I wouldn’t dearly love to see the Muther’s Day soon, too. Sigh.
2. Suzanna Says:
Hi, Tim
Mac sure has had it rough. Is there some sort of bagpipers rehab he can go to? I’m
really concerned.
That’s great news that the Poke series may have a new hardcover home soon.
Hope it all goes just the way you want it to.
Brando told me about the new LaMontagne album and we listened to a few songs.
A voice from the Music Gods, no other way to explain it. Been one of my faves
since I heard him on NPR a few years back.
By the way are you a Rabbit in Chinese Astrology? You sure fit the bill!
Adieu Year of the Tiger. Glad to see you go!
I have a question. Do your characters ever intrude on each other? I mean, do you
sit down to write Simeon, and suddenly find Junior knocking at the door? Just
askin’ Good luck with all. I guess I admire how you keep it all straight.
4. Gary Says:
Tipping point, here we come!
Great news, Tim. Best of luck with working out the details.
Mac will never give up the bagpipes. Congrats on finding Poke a home – tho I’m
a bit in the dark. What’s going on?
Hi, friends, and sorry it’s been so long — writing PULPED right now is like being
dragged behind a truck. I always forget what it’s like as a book nears its end.
Hi, Everett — The way things look, I’ll be able to write anything I want as long as
it’s not for paper publication — in other words, not for a competing publisher.
This clause is a holdover from the time when nobody wrote e-book originals and
will undoubtedly be combed from all contracts in the next few months. For now,
though, I can write whatever I want. But part of me just wants to get back to Poke
and the family.
Suzanna, Mac made his bed and he can lie in it. When nobody wants to make
music with you, it means one of two things: either you’re impossible to get along
with or you play the bagpipes. In Mac’s case, it’s both. And yes, Ray LaMontagne
doesn’t sound like anyone in the world, and he writes great, too.
Lil — Not really, no. That’s probably partly because they’re more alike than I
usually admit. But more likely, it’s because there’s always something in the world
of each book that I find especially engaging. In PULPED, it’s Madison and the
interplay between the two dimensions, fiction and real life. Poke doesn’t really fit
in there. I have a feeling this book is going to require more rewrite than most
because there’s so much unrealized potential in the first draft. On the other hand, I
may leave it essentially as is and think about doing another book, essentially
making this into the second Simeon series. It’ll depend in part on whether
everyone likes or hates the first one, and I’m being absolutely candid when I tell
you I have no idea.
Thanks, Gary — let’s just hope we tip forward rather than backward.
7. Jean Henry Mead Says:
February 3rd, 2011 at 8:14 am
8. Jean Henry Mead Says:
I forgot to add: Congratulations on your Edgar nomination. I love The Queen of
Patpong. I think it’s your best to date.
9. Larissa Says:
Hehe. I’m a dog. Go figure. (c: Anyway-I’m glad to hear things are moving along
at a good, busy pace. I’m thinking that all your publisher problems will be a thing
of the past pretty quickly-the content of the books speak for themselves so (c:
Hi, Philip — Just before the Edgar nom, HarperCollins let me know they weren’t
going to publish the next two Pokes. My agent went to half a dozen publishers and
got a pretty good response. We’re now set with one, but they get to announce it.
The book will come out in mid-2012, sort of a long time between books.’
Jean, thanks so much for the new year wishes and the Edgar congratulations. My
wife is a Rat, too. Rats and Horses are supposed to be wildly incompatible, but
then our Western horoscope signs are also supposed to be wildly incompatible.
One reason I don’t pay much attention to astrology.
Hi, Riss — The Dog has many good qualities. I like being a Horse, but my wife
would trade signs with you in a moment. She HATES being a Rat. And, yes, we
decided today on the publishing company, so barring something really unforeseen,
we should be set.
And thank you, Gary. Your comments keep coming in at this awkward point
where they go above the box containing my answers to earlier comments so I
don’t see them when I come back to answer again. Sorry about that.
Life Sentences, Day 125: Mac Attack
February 3rd, 2011
I’m going to run this into the ground.
Novelist Philip Coggan, who knows an interesting character when he sees one, has been keeping an eye
peeled (sounds uncomfortable, doesn’t it?) for MacLemore “Mac” MacPherson’s re-emergence into
public life. As every young bagpipe player is told when he (they’re all he) runs out of breath, “There’s
more where that came from, Laddie.”
Philip found the photo above in the Twickenham Times, a shopping paper aimed at a retired and rapidly
dying community of former military officers. According to Philip, it had this caption: ”Inspired by
watching re-runs of Braveheart non-stop for 48 hours, Mac MacPherson and the East Grimely and
Chocking Norton Pipes and Plumbers Association take to the streets to change public perceptions of
bagpipes.”
See how fast they’re walking? Even so, they made it only two and a half blocks before being dispersed
by a shower of cobblestones thrown by onlookers. As one of the ‘pipers said while his wounds were
being, um, stanched, “It was bleedin’ Cairo out there, mate.”
Okay, this is a subterfuge. What I wanted to do was get to the only recording of the last 53 years in
which “Mac” played no role whatsoever. Here it is:
This is an obscure band called The Pleasure Fair. I’m the sullen poseur at the far right. Next to me, in
the unfortunate dress made of refrigerator magnets, is Michele Cochrane, the real singer in the band. (I
was the singer manque, so to speak.)
Peering through the gloom at center left is the only guy in the band who actually experienced life as a
rock star, Robb Royer. At far left is Stephen Cohn, who is now among the very small number of people
in America who earn a living composing serious (modern classical) music.
I have no idea where this was taken, but there are large swathes of this period in my life that apparently
got lost on their way to the memory bank.
Anyway, Robb and I started out as songwriters and met Stephen and Michele in college. The band
began as folk-rock, moved into a sort of quasi-rock-folk, had the thrill of hearing one of our songs on
the radio (“Morning Glory Days”), fell apart, came back together in a different configuration to record
a single or two, and then David Gates, who had produced this record, recruited Robb and Jimmy
Griffin and founded Bread.
It wasn’t much of a career. We were no “Mac” MacPhersons. I don’t even have copies of the singles.
And, in fact, I didn’t have a copy of the LP until my nephew Ken gave me one.
Thanks to Stephen Cohn, who sent me a link to a site that had not only this album cover but also a track
from the LP, our astonishingly lame cover of the Beatles’ “Things We Said Today.” Michele sounds
good, though.
And if Robb and/or Stephen (or Michele, for that matter) would like to add to or correct this little
history, this is their cue.
This entry was posted on Thursday, February 3rd, 2011 at 11:36 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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12 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 125: Mac Attack”
1. Suzanna Says:
February 3rd, 2011 at 12:35 pm
The mascot at Maya’s college, Macalester College, is a Scot. The nickname for
Macalester College is, ahem, Mac. Yup, the mascot wears a kilt. Every important
school assembly begins with the solemn march of a lone bagpiper in full Scottish
regalia. Not a bad sound really. I think Maya would find this all very amusing. I
know I have. From now on when I’m at her school and I see that Scotsman
walking down the center aisle playing his pipe I will wonder if he is none other
than MacLemore “Mac” MacPherson.
2. Everett Kaser Says:
You should have included the link to the song. For others, you can hear it at:
The Things We Said Today
And the album was released on CD in 1997 in Japan with TWO BONUS
TRACKS, according to this web page:
eil.com
Another track is available on YouTUBE at:
Morning Glory Days
And this YouTUBE video shows the back cover of the LP:
The Things We Said Today
And apparently there’s one used copy available via Amazon for $89.99 + s&h,
although it may be the Japanese CD, as it mentions “Japanese Import, complete
with OBI Strip. Rare 1967 Lp. Includes Theme from the Motion Picture Barefoot
In The Park.” in the description:
Amazon CD
And then [drum roll please...] the piece de resistance is… the complete album as
MP3 files in a single ZIP at:
MegaUpload
It’s a 50 Mbyte file, and contains 15 tracks, so it’s undoubtedly ripped from the
Japanese CD.
A 46 Mbyte download (RAR file) is also available from:
MediaFire
One site claims that the group was also known as “The Rainy Day People” at:
Bread – Related Groups
It’s amazing the …er… stuff that’s on the web! The list of links for “Pleasure
Fair” just goes on and on and on…
3. Suzanna Says:
Oh Everett, what would we do without you???
Tim, I listened, I heard, and correct me if I’m wrong, but that was you singin’
back up on THE THINGS WE SAID TODAY. So perfect. Thanks, Everett.
You are too modest. Michelle has a nice voice, and I enjoyed the both your songs.
Thank you, Everett. Interesting life you’re having. Since you don’t remember all
of it, I assume you were there. I, on the other hand, was a young, suburban
housewife in a house on a hill-”California Dreamin” Seriously. Something tells
me that you put your all into things. And I am intensely curious about Simeon and
Madison.
Suzanna — if they’re not throwing things at him, it’s not Mac. He could alienate
the God of Love. I have to admit that A bagpipe-playing mascot is not going to
make me any more eager to attend a Macalester game.
Everett, thanks for all the links. I had no idea any that stuff was kicking around,
much less a free download of the entire album. I’d actually like to hear the single
again — I barely remember it, but we had a black female singer who had been
with The Exciters (“Tell Him” “Let Me In” — two great records). I remember
liking it at the time.
Zanna, it was. That was Michelle’s track but I’m back there somewhere, probably
looking sullen.
Hi, Lil — I’m told I was there, and lately a lot of people are either giving me or
sending me photos to prove it, but my memories are undependable, to put it
mildly. “California Dreaming,” as I recall, was the record that sort of set the
standard for the Pleasure Fair — we loved the Mamas and the Papas.
6. Robb Royer Says:
Wow, Everett certainly is a master of web sleuthing. But I have to say just reading
some of that stuff he found makes my head spin. I was a singer keyboardist during
PF days? You were a bass player?? Steve Cohn was a drummer??? Leon
recommended us for the Uni deal???? I could go on and on. There’s also a bunch
of misinformation about the beginnings of Bread. Where do these pop music
writers get this s**t? Lucky it’s not about anything important but it makes you
wonder how much of what’s written about real life is true. Don’t want to sound
like a grump here but I also didn’t want to endorse any misinfo with my silence.
7. Robb Royer Says:
On the other hand, also for the record, in case he seems swept up in, and
besmirched by my rant, most of what John Lindquist (the Bread pages) says is
accurate and mind bogglingly detailed. I have no idea how he found all this
minutia.
Gee, why didn’t you call it Pleasure Faire. The extra E could have made all the
difference.
9. Glenn Says:
Hello Timothy,
Okay,so this is totally out of sequence but I felt compelled to share with you that
my dear wife, Carla, while packing for yet another jaunt to some distant place to
strut her stuff about oncology and hospice and palliative care, asked me to grab
something from the shelf for her to read while in transit. I gave her QUEEN.
Several days later as I wait and watch for her to appear from her flight anxiously
awaiting for her and prepared for the passionate embrace after several days of
separation, the very first words from her mouth were: “Oh my God, Tim’s book
was the best yet…I couldn’t put it down!!”
I kid you not.
“Hi sweetie, it’s great to see you.”
“The last chapter was amazing…it was a killer.”
So I could learn to hate you Tim for robbing me of that exotic moment when
husband meets wife after several days of separation and her enthusiasm for your
book trumps my embrace.
There it is. Carla was totally enthralled with your book and thinks the world
would be totally up-side-down to not select it as the best among the Edgar
nominations.
In fact, I eventually did get my returning home hugs and kisses. All is well in our
household but I did want you to know that QUEEN was a great hit with Carla and
she’s sent it on to a few others who have yet to experience the Hallinan genius.
10.Everett Kaser Says:
Robb: Truth is what we experience in the moment. Everything else is fiction.
That’s why one should always keep a VERY large jar of salt next to one’s
computer. Everything on the internet is false until proven innocent. There were
many links I didn’t include, which had the EXACT SAME TEXT describing PF,
so obviously one person wrote it (getting much of it wrong), and a host of
copycats propagated the fictions all over the place.
11.Stephen Cohn Says:
I agree with Robb. There is an appalling amount of just plain wrong information
in the article about the Pleasure Fair. I guess the problem is as Everett says that
one person writes and then it gets copied and pasted again and again. That’s an
inherent problem with medium and the technology. I have to wonder how the first
writer in the chain came up with all the wrong instruments assignments for Tim,
Robb and Steve. Was that on the basis of our appearance without instruments in
our hands or was it purely intuitive – like un-devine guidance?
Robb and Robb — It’s amazing to me that the band is remembered at all, but
what’s most amazing is that I’m credited with any instrument whatsoever. I’m a
good rhythmic thigh-slapper, but that’s about it. I guess Malcolm’s book will set
some of this straight, huh?
And Robb’s right, everyone — John Lindquist’s site is amazing, in terms of
breadth (no pun intended), depth, and overall accuracy.
Laren, we argued over that “e” longer than we argued over some of our songs,
which might have been part of the problem. I have to say, though, it was a lot of
fun, most of the time. Sometime I’ll tell you some of the PF-on-the-road stories.
Glenn, it’s great to learn that Carla has her priorities firmly in place. And please
thank her for passing the book along — I can use all the readers I can get — and
thank yourself for sharing this wonderful story with us.
Stephen, congrats on the reviews for the new piece (see today’s blog). I kind of
like that the Internet is unfiltered and full of BS — good critical thinking training.
Life Sentences, Day 126: Pleasure Fair Update
February 4th, 2011
The band that keeps on giving.
One hundred and forty-one years after The Pleasure Fair disbanded, its members continue along their
remarkably diverse paths
Steve Cohn, seen above, goes on his way as a composer of serious music. He’s had works premiered
and performed all over the world; he’s won awards up the wazoo, including an Emmy, and he JUST
had a piece premiered to critical rapture here in Los Angeles.
The fast-rising Eclipse Quartet, in a concert at Pasadena’s Armory Center for the Performing Arts,
introduced Stephen’s Winter Soul, which the critic whose piece was picked up by The Huffington Post
described as. “a precision-cut jewel of twelve minutes duration.”
So congratulations to Steve, who has followed his muse into a very select group: contemporary
American composers of concert music. The whole review — and it’s a honey — is here.
And Robb Royer , pictured below . . .
. . . is the CEO of Nashfilms Records, described in its website as “a hotbed of
unsettled creative people seeking safe shelter as they scamper among the ruins of a fallen record
industry.” Nashfilms’ most recent production is a nothing-short-of-sensational CD by Robb’s Breadmate and longtime writing partner, Jimmy Griffin, that I’ve been playing on my iPod for weeks.
Jimmy Griffin is clearly a labor of love, one talented musician’s monument to another. You can buy it,
and you should, at Nashfilms.
Tim Hallinan continues to coast in the aftermath of his Edgar nomination, and was just thrilled to see a
really wonderful review of that book, The Queen of Patpong, in a wrap-up of the best of 2010 on the
site of the novelist Barbara Fister, author of Through the Cracks and In the Wind, among others. I’m
putting it up because it’s not every day I get a review with language like, “This is an amazing book: an
honest and utterly absorbing depiction of women’s lives in Bangkok, showing their strength in the face
of huge odds. And the writing is just lovely on every page.” And also because you could find a much
worse reading list than Fister’s choices for best of the year. I’ve read many of them and loved them all.
Here’s Barbara’s page.
As for the fourth member of the band, Michele Cochran, none of us has seen her for years. But an
English writer named Malcolm Searles, who’s doing a book about Bread, found her and got her
permission to send us her contact info. So sometime next week, Stephen and I are going to try to set up
a lunch.
Will report back here.
This entry was posted on Friday, February 4th, 2011 at 12:53 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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8 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 126: Pleasure Fair Update”
1. Stephen Cohn Says:
Thanks for your kind words, Tim. It is interesting how diverse our paths have
become. However, in retrospect, I think anyone who knew us (like ourselves)
could see the seeds of what has grown. It will be interesting to put Michelle’s path
into the mix to get the whole picture.
Are you sure it’s 141 years? I read elsewhere on the web that it was only 127.
Well done all of you. Tim, from those reviews, you seem to be in danger of
entering the Serious Literature stakes.
Pretty impressive statistically as well as creatively.
Congrats on (yet another) great review.
5. Gary Says:
Gee, all Barbara says about QUEEN was stuff like “blow you socks off
excellence”, “a book that really took my breath away”, “an amazing book” and
“pitch-perfect prose”.
So what’s the big deal already?
[very small font]: Congratulations, Tim.
This has nothing to do with this particular blog entry, but…
Last fall, you wrote the “Spirit House” short story, in which one of the characters
was Doris, the GPS unit.
Then, just last night, I was reading through your blogs of years past (I’m up to Jan
2010 now, yay!) and I encountered your stories of travelling with Doris the GPS
unit on your Fall 2009 Book Tour (darn! if only I’d encountered your books a year
earlier… you drove right down through here, about 5 miles from my home!).
Then this morning comes this story about
Death by GPS
(which also mentions “Willamette Valley wine country, which is where I live;
small world…)
7. John Lindquist Says:
Wow. A Pleasure Fair Reunion. After all of the seasoning the four of you picked
up during your 141-year hiatus, I would think that you could get together in
Robb’s recording studio and put the likes of a Radiohead or Cocteau Twins to
shame.
And congratulations, Tim!
Well, haven’t I arrived late? Sorry, sorry. This book is eating me alive.
Let’s work backwards — John, great to hear from you. For the rest of you, John is
THE chronicler of all things Bread and, by extension, most things Pleasure Fair.
His site is the one Robb (who should know) says is always accurate.
The 141-year hiatus hasn’t dimmed our enthusiasm at all John, though I can’t say
the same for our vision and hearing. We shall see. After all, Robb and Stephen
have actual lives, and Michele may, too. I’m the only one who’s loitering without
intent in cyberspace.
Everett, I can’t believe you’re actually reading all of these. The DEATH BY GPS
STORY is frigging hilarious. We’re probably weeks away from lawyers insisting
on a printed warning on the screen: DO NOT RELY ENTIRELY ON GPS. LOOK
THROUGH WINDSHIELD WHILE DRIVING.
Doris is still alive and unpleasant. But she gets me where I want to go, even if she
does insist on waiting until I’m at full stop in bumper-to-bumper traffic to say,
“Traffic ahead.”
Gary, this is a favorite review, especially since Barbara Fister is a good novelist,
and I’m always gratified to hear nice words from people who have slogged their
way through one or more books. And Barbara’s are fine books, too.
Thank you, Laren. A little something like this can really lift one’s spirits and keep
them elevated all day long.
Hi, Philip. I think I’m safe from ever being considered Serious Literature. If not,
I’m really doing something wrong.
Stephen — let’s find out. I’ll call you to see when we can all get together.
Life Sentences, Day 127: PULPED Update
February 5th, 2011
Today I’m giving you short shrift because the goal for the day is 2500 words of PULPED, which
begins with reviewing and editing the most recent 50-60 pages. I’m at an interesting point in the book.
I’ve done all the stuff I didn’t know how to do — bringing Simeon out of limbo and into the so-called
real world; getting him and Madison in the same place; getting over the rather steep wall of their
becoming acquainted; and, in fact, having them become rather better acquainted than I thought they
would. Now I’m on the fly toward the ending.
And I have about twelve endings. If I wanted to (and I’m not sure I don’t), I could pile roughly six
reversals one on top of another, without really having to slow down much for explanations. (I really
hate detective stories that require long explanations, with the sole exception of Rex Stout’s Nero Wolfe
books, which are perfect in every regard.) The problem with reversals is that they bore me beyond a
certain point, even if there aren’t a lot of static scenes to get the reader up to speed. Two reversals are
enough. Then the machinery starts to show.
You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t talked much about the “mystery.” That’s because I practically
never think about the mystery. I pretty much figure it out as Simeon does.
Now I need to figure out the most economical way to tell the story, and then which story exactly to tell.
So far, I have to say — roughly 80,000 words in — that I’ve had no idea whatsoever where I was
going. Every time I’ve thought I had a bead on it, something has pulled me in a different direction.
Which is fine, except that I’ve littered the story thus far with clues and (worst of all) piercing insights
on Simeon’s part that lead to endings that have long been abandoned. That’s one of the reasons for
going back and cleaning up the most recent 50-60 pages. The other is either to improve or to cut some
really execrable writing.
I’m used to doing this; it’s one of the costs of working without a net. Still, most of the time when I
have only 12,000-15,000 words to go, I have a pretty good idea of what those words will say. But I
have faith: I’ve got my Arcade Fire/Neil Young/Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros playlist on.
They’ll pull me through.
And if they don’t, well, at least I don’t have to return a publisher’s advance.
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13 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 127: PULPED Update”
Tim said: And if they don’t, well, at least I don’t have to return a publisher’s
advance.
Boy, talk about the Nozer rearing his ugly head. You’ve got all the ‘hard’ parts
done. You even know lots of ways to finish the novel. All you have to do is
DECIDE which way.
Kick that Nozer in the ass, sit down at the keyboard, and …er…um… start
kicking ass.
Justin Thyme sprang carefully into the dark room. He saw the evil Hans Knees
and Boompsa Daisy, but they didn’t see him because the room was dark. “Put
your hands in the air and don’t try anything funny!” he shouted loudly. The evil
duo looked up evilly in evil surprise. “Look behind you!” said Hans evilly. “I’m
not falling for that!” said Justin judiciously. Then the third man, the one hiding
behind the door, hit poor Justin over the head with a plot hole. Cackling madly the
evil threesome stepped over Justin and set off for the next paragraph.
(Congratulations on the end in sight, and I’m looking forward to Pulped).
“And I have about twelve endings.”
And I have about the same number of short stories in need of endings. If you have
any left over, maybe we can work something out.
Hey, Tim, congratulations!!! The THIRD most popular author on DorothyL in
2010 out of a total of 603 listed!!!
Link to list:
DorothyL Best of 2010″
All four Poke books, Crashed, and Everything But The Squeal were listed.
Boy, you guys are a lot funnier than I am today.
Everett, I don’t really have any doubt about whether I’ll finish it. I’m not
particularly certain I’ll finish it well, though, and it actually is nice not to be into
some publishing house for six figures that they’ll want back if they don’t accept
the book. It’s also nice not to have a deadline, beyond which I would be in
violation of my contract. I always figure that publishing houses have a certain
amount of buyer’s remorse when they’ve given some yahoo they’ve barely even
met face to face a whole pile of money for what is essentially a bunch of words.
We do NOT want to give them an excuse to exercise that remorse.
Philip, that’s absolutely hilarious. Made me laugh out loud several times. I wish
I’d written it, and perhaps in the future I shall say I did.
Phil you’re funnier than I am, too. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could pass story
components around like that? These endings are all kind of specialized, though,
what with their dealing with two dimensions, and relationships between real and
fictional characters and all that.
Everett — really? I only get the digests, so I haven’t seen anything yet. Who am I
behind and who am I in front of? Third is pretty damn good with that group. As
soon as I see it, I’ll do something on Facebook or someplace about it.
6. Debbi Says:
This is why I tend to start out with a bare bones rough draft of the novel I’m
Which is to say, I’m getting a bit braver about working without a net, to an extent.
I thought Philip’s piece WAS the ends of your book, Tim.
Congratulations! You are in August company on DorothyL. Well deserved, and
“they like you.”
Tim: You’ve probably seen the full list by now, but these are the top nomination
names and counts (number of times a book of theirs was included on a list):
Stieg Larsson 28
Louise Penny 27
Timothy Hallinan 25
Nancy Pickard 24
Tana French 20
William Kent Krueger 18
Alan Bradley 16
Robert Crais 16
Laurie R. King 16
Lee Child 15
Michael Connelly 15
Ariana Franklin 15
Chris Grabenstein 15
There wasn’t very much difference between the top 4 or 5 authors.
What I found interesting was that 89% of the people submitting “Best of 2010″
Hi, Debbi — I’ve tried but I can’t do it. I write these slick, intermittently
persuasive book proposals and turn them in, absolutely certain that the book, other
than the first 15-20 pages, will be completely different. I figure it’s all okay as
long as my editor likes the book better than she liked the proposal. But I also have
to tell you that being way, way, out there with no net and no sense of direction is,
for me, the most exhilarating part of writing. I’m having more fun with PULPED
right now than I’ve had since the last 60-70 pages of LITTLE ELVISES or THE
QUEEN OF PATPONG.
Laren, Philip has set a high standard, and I have to vault over it. I’m having my
pole lengthened even as I write.
Whoa, Everett — I hadn’t seen the actual list. In between Louise Penny and
Nancy Pickard — amazing company. And all those books being cited. On the
other hand, I’ll bet Penny was named virtually all the time for BURY YOUR
DEAD, which is absolutely brilliant, and which was NOT nominated for the
Edgar. If it had been, I’d definitely stay home.
Tim, your books were voted these times:
Nail Through The Heart 6
Breathing Water 4
Crashed 5
Everything But the Squeal 1
Fourth Water 1
Queen of Patpong 8
Louise Penny’s were:
A Fatal Grace 1
A Rule Against Murder 1
Bury Your Dead 16
Still Life 2
The Brutal Telling 5
The Cruelest Month 1
But keep in mind that 89% of the respondents were female, and the female
respondents read and recommended a majority of female writers, and male
respondents read and recommended a majority of male writers.
So the list is definitely skewed in favor of female writers. That said, the TOP of
the list (as I listed in a previous comment), is slightly dominated by male writers.
So go figure.
Yeah, that’s pretty much what I thought. Penny is very good, but this is her best by
a long way. Interesting that NAIL got more votes than CRASHED, but it probably
reflects a relatively low number of e-book fans.
Well, Nail has at least one vote for it a year from now, too. I’m planning to keep a
list of my favorite books this year, so I can contribute with more than what I can
remember from memory. There was only one book I read in January that makes
the list for 2011 (my list), and that was Nail.
Life Sentences, Day 128: The PULPIAD
February 6th, 2011
If I’m stuck with PULPED, so are you.
The Internet is full of writers who don’t blog obsessively about what they’re writing. Everett probably
has an alphabetized list of several hundred of them. But thinking about PULPED kept me up last night
and woke me up this morning. It pretty much ruined a perfectly good concert last night, Shawn Colvin
and Loudon Wainwright. (That wasn’t entirely the book’s fault — the hall was waaayyy too big for
two relatively intimate solo performers accompanying themselves on guitar.)
Okay, PULPED yesterday. 1800 words rather than 2500. Now at 84,233 out of approximately 92,000.
I had this pegged at around 90,000, which is short for me, and it’s coming in right on target since I’ll
trim it in the edit anyway.
Something I’d completely forgotten I wanted to do (at least consciously) happened spontaneously
yesterday, always a good sign.
Another good sign: I’m still in love with the characters. In fact, one of the things that kept me awake
last night was the realization that the ending I’ve been leaning toward would be a great wrap-up for a
series book. This may just be my reluctance to part with Madison, or it might be the sense that I’ve
barely scratched the surface of the possibilities in this two-dimension world. That might mean that I
have a lot of rewrite to do in this book, or it might mean that all this will surface in another book. And
maybe one after that.
I don’t think so. But it was kind of an interesting discovery.
One other good sign: As I get close to the ending, I realize that there’s all sorts of stuff in the opening
50 pages that points this way. It’s as though part of my mind was holding back a preordained ending in
the hope that I’d find my way to it myself. And when I went too far off the beam, it nudged me back
on the path.
This is so much like one of the primary dynamics in the last part of the book — featuring a writer
named Hallinan — that it makes me want to laugh. When it doesn’t actually scare me.
And this book is turning out to be about — what else? — books.
The best thing that happened to me yesterday was a totally unplanned chapter called The Only Glimpse
of Paradise He’ll Ever Get, series of fades after a collaborative act of affection in a motel room (also
unplanned, by the way). As something happens elsewhere in the area — as a whole different novel is
being written — this chapter stays with our primary characters in a series of dissolves, each of which
begins with a new image of the two of them, a new position as they talk about the things they haven’t
had time to talk about and that they doubt they’ll ever have another chance to talk about. It’s
essentially four snippets of very quiet conversation. I’ve never written anything like it, and I may hate
it by Wednesday, but for now I love it.
Oh, by the way, “lignin,” which is referred to in the photo at the top of this blog, is a cellular
component of wood that’s highly permeable to water, thus helping the osmotic process that carries
water up to the tops of trees. It’s brown, and has to be removed from paper pulp by bleaching. It’s also
(here’s the cool part) slightly photo-reactive, and it’s why newsprint yellows in the sun. Here’s the
personal cool part: just yesterday I wrote this sentence: ” The air in the shop was hot, dry, dusty, and
yellow with the light through the faded newspapers taped to the windows.” When I wrote that, I didn’t
know why the newspapers were yellow, and now I do.
Cool, yes?
Okay, to work. Real work, I mean.
This entry was posted on Sunday, February 6th, 2011 at 1:34 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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7 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 128: The PULPIAD”
1. Gary Says:
I spent four years doing a forestry degree, learning about wood and trees. And
now here’s a guy who can’t even handle imaginary numbers, suddenly knowing
all this stuff about lignin.
Where was the internet when I was an undergrad?
(Oh and by the way, Tim, huge congrats on yesterday’s ranking.)
Damn, I so want to read this book. I suspect (from the sprinkling of hints that
we’ve gotten) that this is going to be another peak in your alpine career!
Another example of “chance.” I’m with Everett-can’t wait to read this book. You
knew where you were going all along; you just didn’t know it.
4. Gary Says:
Everyone laughs when I parrot the Bergman line that the story was there all along
(including at least one of the writers in your Plotting vs Pantsing series).
But is this what happened here or what?
Hi, pulpsters:
Sorry about getting stuck on this topic, but that’s where I am.
Gary, I’d love to be all airy about it and ask who doesn’t know all about lignin,
but in fact, I put that terrific image up yesterday, saw the word in the caption, and
went to Wikipedia to look it up. I like knowledge like that and thought it was very
funny that I’d just written the sentence about the yellowing newspapers.
Synchronicity at work.
Everett, I have no idea at all. Here’s what I know. It’s got some really nice things
in it. The more I write it, and the closer I get to wrapping it up, the more I suspect
that the whole thing is actually preposterous. So the question is quickly becoming,
“Can I get away with something preposterous?” So the game at the moment is
telling the story in such a way that people will think it’s preposterous on purpose.
Thanks, Lil. This one is going to need a resting period before it goes into edit, so
even when I finish writing it, it’ll still be a ways from being done. So it may be a
few months before anyone sees anything.
Gary, they’re not laughing at the Bergman line. They’re laughing at your parrot
voice. (But I do believe that line — in fact, I was probably the writer who quoted
it, since I use it all the time.)
Tim, you’re used to writing mystery/suspense/thriller books. You broke the
“conventional wisdom” of the publishing industry with Crashed, by including so
much humor in a suspense/thriller type book.
From your description, Pulped has a serious dash of fantasy in it (with Simeon
being in limboland, then becoming real to Madison, or some such). Who’s to say
that, “conventional wisdom” aside, folks won’t accept that quite easily. There are
a LOT of folks out there who read ‘straight’ fantasies, people who read ghost
stories (there’s fantasy and suspense thrown together already).
When you’re not publishing through the traditional Big Publishing channels, you
shouldn’t worry so much about their “conventional wisdom.” Readers are much
more flexible and forgiving (and intelligent) than publishers give them credit for.
(Is ‘for’ not a word you can end a sentence with? Oops.)
I’m not worried about publishers, Everett. I’m worried about whether I can get
away with this book aesthetically, to use a fancy word. It’s an uneasy combination
of elements.
Life Sentences, Day 129: Luke’s Boot Barn
February 7th, 2011
This is one of the chapters that came yesterday.
I’m putting it here because it’s easier and less time-consuming than writing a new blog. I make no
claims for this; it’s not a very important chapter and it’s really really raw first draft, but here it is. By
the way, I named the store (same name as the blog) before I saw the sign up there.
Oh, and it’s Chapter 32.
******
“Hey, lookit,” Luke said, glancing up from the boot he was polishing. “It’s Little Miss Sherlock.”
The scent of shoe polish made the whole room look brown to Simeon. He left Madison to talk to Luke
while he wandered the aisles, trying to make sense out of things. He heard the conversation sputter a
couple of times before catching, like an outboard engine.
Well, well. They seemed to make cowboy boots out of pretty much everything anyone could put a heel
on. Lizard, snake, rawhide, ostrich, eel, unborn calf, patent leather, a few with feathers. Some had twoinch heels, some had four-inch heels, some had spike heels, and some looked like they were designed
for a woman to wear while riding Helmut Newton. He saw spurs, he saw steel tips, he saw tips that had
been gold-plated.
“Who buys the patent-leather ones?” he called over the tops of the shelves.
“Well, that was a surprise,” Luke said. “Fella who come up with them, he figured they’d be good for
the ladies, back when evvybody was line-dancing, you remember line-dancing?”
“He missed it,” Madison said.
“So anyways, turned out line-dancing didn’t last any longer than any other stupid dance, and the boots
get sold mostly to guys who come up from West Hollywood. They got themselves a posse, The Riders
of the Purple Sage. It marches in some big parade every year.”
Simeon said, “Huh.”
Madison explained, “He’s the tall, silent type.”
Luke said, “He ain’t that tall.”
“He makes up for it,” Madison said, “by being extremely silent. Really, Simeon, don’t you have
anything to ask good old Luke here?”
“I’m thinking,” Simeon said. He heard the conversation sputter some more, while he looked at the
boots and thought, Gloves.
He knew the general shape of what was happening but he couldn’t turn it right-way up. It was like
trying to put on a pair of gloves in the dark. First, they’re inside out and your fingers won’t slide in.
Then you get it right-side out but it’s on the wrong hand. Get it on the right hand, find another, and put
it on, and the light goes on and you see you’re standing in front of a box of gloves, all different colors,
and that the ones on your hands aren’t a match. Then the light goes out again.
“Gloves,” he said out loud.
“Nope,” Luke said. “Boots.” Madison was looking at him as though she couldn’t quite remember why
they were together.
“Right, boots. What’s the biggest size you carry?”
“Twelve triple-E,” Luke said. “But that’s only in the real boots, you know, workin’ boots. You’re not
going to find them in patent leather.”
“Real men’s boots,” Madison said.
Luke made a little pistol with his hand and shot Madison with it. “You got yourself a smart one here,”
he said to Simeon.
“And we’re so rare,” Madison said.
“So if you get Bigfoot in here and Bigfoot wants a pair of boots, what do you do?”
“Special order,” Luke said. “Cash in advance, ’cause you can’t just turn around and sell a pair of
seventeen-extra wides.”
“I’ll bet,” Simeon said. “Sold any lately?”
Luke rubbed the boot in his lap. “You playin’ Sherlock, too?”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” He came down the aisle toward the counter. “Madison, give the nice man
twenty dollars.”
Luke said, “What for?”
“For answering the question.”
Luke shook his head. “Keep your money. Had a special order about six weeks ago.”
“When did he pick up the boots?”
“’Bout four days ago.”
“What size?”
“Biggest I ever seen.” Luke shook his head in bootsy wonder. “Eighteen five-E. Cost a fortune. Ain’t
no machine last for a boot that big.”
“I’ll bet,” Simeon said. “Big guy, huh?”
“That’s the funny part,” Luke said.
A few moments went by, and Madison said, “I’ve been a while between laughs.”
“Not so big,” Luke said. “Guy said they were a present. Wasn’t any bigger’n you are.”
“What did he look like?” Simeon had come up to the counter, and Madison saw that his fists were
balled up.
Luke took his eyes off the boot and regarded Simeon. “Looked kinda like you.”
*
“You knew that,” Madison said. “I watched your face. You knew what he was going to say.”
“Well, that doesn’t mean I know what to do about it.” They were sitting in Madison’s car with the
windows down, waiting for the temperature inside to drop.
“I like to kid myself that I’m mildly smart,” she said, “but I have no idea what train of thought you’re
following.”
“And you wouldn’t if you thought about it for a month. You haven’t got the frame of reference.” He
looked at the watch, and it said 1:50. He slapped it, but the red digits didn’t come up. That was
interesting, but he’d have to hold it for later. “Damn, we’ve lost a lot of time.” He closed his eyes and
tried to calculate. “A little more than six hours left.”
Madison said, “Oh.” She looked down at her lap as a bead of sweat rolled down her nose. Then she
said, “What’s wrong with my frame of reference?”
“You’re not fictional.” He tapped the dash, which she took as a sign to get the car rolling. ”This whole
thing, starting with Ferdy. It’s about a book.”
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8 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 129: Luke’s Boot Barn”
1. Suzanna Says:
Hey, Tim
Hope PULPED is coming along nicely today. If this chapter is any indication
you’re doing great!
Madison’s line about Simeon making up for not being very tall by being
extremely silent is pretty funny.
Happy to read your work whenever you want to post it here.
Ah… lovely. Like a cool breeze when the smog and 95+ temperatures have been
cooking you for days and days.
Damn, I so, so, so, SO
3. Gary Says:
I like Simeon not being in the first person any more. That part I like.
I’m sure I’ll like the rest of it too. When’s the proofreading?
Tantalizing, and it reads really well. Looking forward to more.
Hi, y’all You really are too kind. I wasn’t kidding about first draft — I hadn’t even
reviewed this. It was the last thing I wrote Sunday afternoon and the first thing I
looked at this morning.
Madison has already been to Luke’s, earlier in the book, when she’s acting
(without knowing it) to Simeon’s prompting,although she cares enough about
Ferdy to ask questions herself. But he feels he’s put her in potential danger, and
that’s one reason he goes down (or sideways or whatever it is) to make sure she’s
okay.
Sooz, thanks. I like that line, too. She’s feeling pretty feisty at this point, although
she also knows he’ll be leaving her soon. This is kind of a sad love story in
addition to everything else.
Thanks, Everett and Gary. The third person is nice because the two of them kind
of share it, and I can open a chapter closer to either of them, even to the point of
having free-form internal monologues without having to clutter the page up with a
bunch of italics.
It’s going to be at least a month, Gary, before this is ready for anyone else to look
at. Mun has to listen to it first and then I have to make the changes, and I really
think I should take two weeks away from it before I read it out lous. I’m feeling
very, very wonky about big aspects of it.
Thank you, Lil. There will, indeed, be more.
Thank yo
6. Robb Royer Says:
Lovely chapter, witty as always but, as usual, I’ll be a little off point. I just
returned from the farm, which as you know is webless (at least in one sense of the
word) and belatedly read the gracious plug you gave Jimmy’s album. Thanks so
much for the kind words. Truly appreciated. Go Edgar!
7. Larissa Says:
Nice stuff. I wish I could write such a “rough” first draft! I like Madison a lot and
Can’t wait for more!
Robb, thanks – and I hope a whole bunch of people buy the album. It’s a great
piece of work.
Riss, write 50 or 60 of them, and you will. I’m already missing writing Madison,
and I’m not even finished with her yet. And I mean that — she’s more sheer fun to
write than almost anyone since the first time I wrote Miaow. What a surprise.
Life Sentences, Day 130: The I-Word
February 8th, 2011
Can we please get rid of ”inappropriate?”
It’s become meaningless. That Congressman a few years back who sent “you so hot, wanna backrub?” text messages to half the male pages on the floor of the House of Representatives and then
actually gave a few backrubs — when he stopped stonewalling, he acknowledged that his behavior had
been “inappropriate.”
Mark Sanford, the nation’s most amusing former governor, after admitting that he hadn’t really been
hiking the Appalachian trail on a solo spiritual pilgrimage when he was actually down in Rio
schtupping the Girl from Ipanema, characterized his judgment as “inappropriate.” And the everlovable John Edwards, caught blinking at the flash bulbs over his affair with New Age Aura Enthusiast
Rielle Hunter, fessed up to “an inappropriate relationship,” what with him being married and his wife
having cancer and Hunter being pregnant and all.
The CEO of Chrysler, in my favorite “inappropriate” usage of the week, hid behind the word when
reporters quoted him about the “shyster rates” his company was paying the U.S. Government for bailout money. Those rates are at the 11% 12% level, so I personally think “shyster” is pretty accurate,
although I’m thrilled to know that this government is doing something to raise money other than
slipping a hand into my pocket.
Nowadays, “inappropriate” covers every possible kind of public misbehavior. A cop in Chicago who
fired into a crowd at a party was guilty of “an inappropriate use of his service revolver.” The former
Blackwater guys who drove an armored personnel vehicle across a crowded public square, significantly
reducing the number of living people in the crowd, were accused of “an inappropriate deployment of
force.” The fatsos in the corrupt city government of Bell, California have acknowledged that their
bleeding the town of millions of dollars just might conceivably have been “an inappropriate use of
public funds.”
What did we used to say, anyway? ”They behaved like murderous thugs” would be accurate regarding
the former Blackwater assholes. ”Dick-driven” might do the job for Congressman Backrub, Mark
Sanford, and John Edwards. “Pigs at the public trough” would be apt for the swine in Bell. And not
only apt, but preferable.
“Inappropriate” is having a degrading impact on the English language. With the rise of Orwellian
misspeak everywhere, the last thing we need is a catchall, meaningless mea culpa for the rich,
powerful, and stupid. We need more accurate, more colorful words for these miscreants, not this verbal
band-aid.
Because the thing about “inappropriate” is that it’s recoverable. People in positions of power who
manage to downgrade their malfeasance into “inappropriate behavior” have a chance of getting past it.
Whereas, if their misdeeds were describe accurately, they’d be staked in the sand on a fire ant mound
and have honey poured over them.
One of my favorite pieces of dialogue in the Poke novels comes in The Fourth Watcher. Rose and Poke
are in bed, trying to shake off the bad feelings caused by a sort of home invasion by an extremely
unpleasant representative of the U.S. Secret Service.
“He has very bad energy,” Rose says in Thai. She takes another drag off her cigarette and hits the filter.
”He likes power too much. He needs to spend time in a monastery. And you should have kept a cool
heart.”
“He had it coming. His behavior was, as they say, inappropriate.” He uses the English word because
he can’t think of a Thai equivalent.
“What does that mean?” Rose lights a new cigarette off the old one. She hadn’t smoked like this when
he met her.
“Inappropriate is government talk. It means someone has fucked up on a planetary scale. When an
American Congressman is videotaped in bed with a fourteen-year-old male poodle, his behavior is
usually described as ‘inappropriate.’”
“Fourteen is old for a dog,” Rose observes.
I love that reply.
And that is indeed Megan Fox up there, wearing the gag her PR people wish she would wear at all
times. Before her inappropriate mouthing off gets her fired from movies that aren’t even being made
yet. But at least Megan Fox can only screw up her own life. These other jerks have a longer reach.
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10 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 130: The I-Word”
1. Suzanna Says:
After your persuasive argument I will hesitate to use the word that let’s everyone
off the hook so easily. Wonder if it was a lawyer, a publicist, or a politician who
started this trend? Geez I vote for more descriptive language and promise I won’t
use the word inappropriate, um, inappropriately. Thank you.
2. Dana King Says:
I had a well crsafted and detailed comment on whether the proper phrase for the
Chrysler comment should be “shyster” or “shylock,” but erased it, as I felt it was
inappropriate in the context of this discussion.
3. micael hallinan Says:
Hi Tim, long time listener -first time caller. Any word that is consistantly overused
becomes meaningless. words like closure,paradigm and this would be a better first
letter if I could remember the third word. anyway I agree. ramon
I am so glad you brought this up. We seem to soften everything up as if to protect
the guilty. It reminds me of the psychological use of maladaptive as in the serial
killer engaged in maladaptive-as well as inappropriate-behavior. i think that the
proliferation of family psych and talk shows has changed our language. Problem
are now issues. You know sometimes there really is a problem with some one
acting in a nasty, brutish way. And we don’t always get “closure” on painful
experiences. As joyous as life is, it can also be hard. It would be better if we
acknowledged that.
Suzanna, it has to be a politician. This just reeks of politics. Not to mention that
we live in the Age of the Euphemism, when it’s declasse (and politically incorrect)
to say anything unpleasant about anything or anyone.
Dana, I think “Shylock” would have really have set off a firestorm, even though
the root of “shyster” is “scheiss,” which is German for “shit.” Nonetheless, if he’d
said “Shylock” he would undoubtedly have been forced from his job.
Micael, where did this spelling come from? Have you gone Portuguese on us? I’m
so proud of you for penetrating the Wall of Fire, not to mention Captcha, to
comment. I’m giving away my age, but my favorite overused term for a long
while was, “at that point in time,” which is what everyone in the Nixon
administration used to try to avoid jail.
Hi, Lil — we do indeed soften everything, to the point of making our language
impenetrable or meaningless or, in some instances, both. “Brutish” is a good
word, although perhaps unfair to the brutes, meaning beasts, from which the word
is derived. You’re right about “issues” being the new “problems.” And I
personally think “closure” is a fraud. Maybe all this linguistic prettification is
linked somehow to Twain’s observation that humans are the only animals that
blush, or need to.
I think the overuse of inappropriate is less than propriate.
7. Robb Royer Says:
I don’t like the word it.
One of the euphemisms that’s always stuck in my head was related to me by a
friend, who heard a doctor in a hospital telling a nurse that “it was a negative
patient outcome.” ie, the patient died.
The mangling of the language is not limited to politicians, although they are
masters of the art.
As for humans being the only animals that blush, or need to…
We were just watching a new Nature program on PBS Sunday night. It was about
lots and lots of different monkey species around the globe, and how many of them
are now known to exhibit traits (language, tools, etc) that scientists used to think
were reserved to humans. One part was about a group of monkeys who were
known to have many ‘words’, calls that meant specific things, such as warning of
snakes in the water or on the ground (all the monkeys would instantly flee into the
trees), warning of eagles or other predatory birds over head (all the monkeys
would instantly stare at the sky, looking for danger), etc. They filmed one monkey
who had learned to lie. He found a bird’s egg that had fallen into the water and
floated downstream. He was a lower ranking monkey, and normally if he found
something that good, a higher ranking monkey would take it from him. So he
screamed the call for ‘snake’, and all of the other monkeys fled into the trees.
Meanwhile, he stayed at the water and furtively ate the egg.
We, as humans, are often times less than many of us would like us to be, but I
suspect much of it is wired into us.
Not an excuse, or a reason to stop trying to better ourselves. Just one more way in
which we’re less different from the animals around us than we thought.
Yes, Dr. Bright, and if you can also explain the difference between approximate
and proximate, I’d appreciate it.
10.Tom Logan Says:
Thank you Tim, and others, for continuing my education. I read the blogs and the
comments, mull them over, see how they fit with my world view, and make
adjustments if needed. I haven’t commented on the blogs until now; you people
are smarter than I am. This one, however, required an acknowledgement and a
“right on!”
Life Sentences, Day 131: Nearing the End
February 9th, 2011
I’m either two or three writing sessions, barring a serious setback, from finishing PULPED.
With perhaps 5000 words to go, I’m in the unusual position, for me, anyway, of knowing what they
should probably be. For that reason — because I want to start putting them on the page — this is going
to be a short post.
As I’ve found my way through the story, I’ve had to entertain a recurring conviction that parts of it,
essential parts of it, are preposterous. Now that I’m one or two good sprints from the end, I’m
absolutely certain that it’s preposterous. The issue is no longer whether the whole series of closing
sequences is preposterous, but whether I can get away with it.
In other words, I’m stuck with the ancient question that faces everyone as he or she nears the end of the
rainbow: Am I going to find a pot of gold or a three-day supply of string cheese?
When I find myself with a doubt I don’t know how to resolve, I ask myself what I can say about the
book that I’m 100% certain is true. This is what I come up with re: PULPED.
1. I’ve had an immense amount of fun writing it.
2. There’s a character in it I love.
3. Parts of it have terrific velocity. (Whether that velocity is leading in the right direction is a separate
question.)
4. The underlying idea is an interesting one.
5. Some of it is seriously funny.
So that’s where I am. Five almost-unqualified positives.
On the other side of the scoreboard, I don’t think there’s a publisher in the world who would take it,
and if there were, my advance would probably be a handful of grocery coupons. But I didn’t write this
book in an attempt to conform to the publishing industry’s value system or enthusiasm of the moment.
I wrote it for me and for anyone who wants to see Simeon Grist again, even if he’s in a very different
kind of book.
So there. So now I’m going to write.
By the way, the redoubtable Everett Kaser has volunteered a Valentine’s story called TOPANGA
HEARTS. I love it, and I’ll put it up in the next day or two for your delectation and delight.
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8 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 131: Nearing the End”
It sounds to me like the positives FAR outweigh any negatives, and the one piece
of advice I seem to keep hearing from pretty much ALL “writing advisers” is to
write something that you want to read. It sounds like you’ve accomplished that,
and I know that I and several other follogers are eager to read it. As for a
publisher, you know very well that you already have one: Amazon.
So: Damn the torpedoes.
By the way, yesterday I finally caught up with all of the old blogs, 2006 to the
present. So, the index is complete now (except for THIS post), and the files
containing the concatenated blog are complete (up through the end of 2010; I’m
building one for the first quarter of 2011, too, but it’s not posted). The index and
the searchable concatenated blogs are available on:
ebooks – Hallinan
Seriously, Tim, if at the end of this 365 days of blogging you drop back to
blogging once every week or two, I may drop into a deep depression, deprived of
my daily Hallinan Hit!
Thanks for all your writing, novels, blogs and everything else! When all of the
sand and gravel has been washed out of the pan, there’s a lot of gold nuggets in
there! I found most enjoyable the series on creativity, and the series on “Pantser
vs. Plotter,” and “Counterclockwise,” too, even if you did cruelly leave us
hanging in the wind.
2. Suzanna Says:
Hi, Tim
I’m really impressed with the number of ways in which you are able to appreciate
your experience of writing PULPED. It seems to me, and please give me a
(gentle) elbow to the ribs if I’ve got this wrong, that this book came to you more
freely than some of your other recent efforts. Is this true? I know you always work
hard but it seems that you didn’t reach any major setbacks this time around. Sort
of seems like new territory all together. In any case, maybe there is a publisher out
there who will love this book as much as you have loved writing it. But the main
thing is here you are almost finished and you’ve had a great time writing it. That’s
gotta feel great.
why risk all the upside for an unresolved ending? the novel can wait a day or two.
i tell my students that if they are just making their paintings different rather than
better that this is a good time to turn them to the wall for a few days. a successful
painting consists of a series of
small things done right. clarity will come if you allow it to. i , for what its worth
dont follow my own advice. good luck mike from portugal.
It seems that this book needed to be written, unencumbered by any “will it sell”
rules. How freeing, and I think you are experiencing some real pleasure at
watching “Pulped” develop. I’d like to take a minute to second Everett’s post. If
there is such a thing as karma, you have built up a ton. Do you have any idea how
much pleasure you bring? Your willingness to let us know where you are at any
particular time, and to show us your writing process, has been a gift. I work part
time, but ill health prevents me from from being fully engaged in life. I know
some wonderful people, and to connect in some way with a writer-and man-of
your caliber has been so nice for me since I thrive on intellectual stimulation, and
laughing. Thanks for all you do, and thanks for posting on DorothyL which is how
I found this blog in the first place.
Hey, everybody –
Today I wrote the scene that’s highest on the preposterousness scale, and I may be
crazy but I think it’s terrific. I mean, it needs about a 70% rewrite, but the bones
are there and most of the stuff that needs to be on the page, is on the page. And I
had SO MUCH FUN writing it that it’s hard for me to believe it won’t be fun to
read — even with the one GIANT unresolved question that everyone’s going to
have to wait two scenes to learn the answer.
Hi, Everett — sorry about COUNTERCLOCKWISE. I think I got tangled up in
THE FOURTH WATCHER, which had a mind of its own and just couldn’t write
two at once. But I loved the opening line — something like “Anyone who thinks
he’s his own worst enemy is probably forgetting about someone else.” I may use it
in a short story I’m thinking about, with both Wattles and Fronts in it, plus a rich
girl of 15 who’s alone on her birthday. Although it’s already got a good first line:
“Wattles was always happy in the morning because he hadn’t done anything bad
yet.”
And Everett, there’s no question I’ll stop blogging daily when the year is up, and
possibly before. Although your index is so amazing that I’m tempted to add to it
just to keep you working.
Hi, Zanna — you’re right — this book came relatively very easily, and quite
quickly — just a few months. Writing it, with the exceptions of my misgivings
over the fact that it seems to be in half a dozen genres, has felt like writing one of
the Juniors, which have absolutely no plot at all when I start to write them; they
simply unspool as I sit laughing at the keyboard. This one has been pretty lighthearted, although there are all these dimensions.
Mikey — oh, pardon me, micael, which actually sounds like an angel’s name from
the Arabic. I never know how it’s going to end, and this is no exception. I agree
completely with both statements — good work is a series of small things done
right, and clarity will come if you allow it to. And slowly, clarity is arriving. It
may be awful or it may be terrific (or something in between) but it’s where this
particular ball of yarn has led me.
Hello, Lil — Spot on, as I seem to be saying lately. This is the first book written
under my new “screw the market forces” aesthetic, just for me and whoever might
enjoy reading it. And I hope that eventually includes you. Thanks so much for all
you said about the pleasure I bring. That alone is enough to make this whole day
worthwhile — even without almost 5000 words of PULPED.
So bless your heart.
I think you hit the key in the first line of your response. You quit ruminating about
it and wrote it. One thing I have always admired about your writing process is that
you are always more than willing to get feedback and make changes. So, your
approach here of writing it and then seeing what you have certainly trumps the
idea of not writing about it and speculating on whether it would be okay or not.
Can hardly wait for Pulped.
Hi Tim and everyone. I actually wrote something here early this morning and
thought I’d posted it, but the gremlins evidently kidnapped it on it’s way through
the woods. Anyway, Tim, never I think has one of your books been so eagerly
awaited by your fans. E-publishing is going to be fun, and it’s going to be THE
place to be – every time I go to my local chainbookstore it’s selling fewer and
fewer titles and more and more hand-crocheted anti-macassars (and I’m not
making that up). Paper books are seen by few, bought by fewer, but e-books have
a market as big as the world. Go for it!
Tim: I just started reading The Fourth Watcher this afternoon, as luck would have
it, and so far it’s fabulous. I enjoyed Nail very much, but I’m already enjoying
Fourth even more. Maybe I’m familiar with the characters, maybe YOU were
familiar with the characters (by the second book), I don’t know. I just know that
it’s sucked me in right from the get-go, and I can’t wait to get back to it. That
hasn’t been happening with a bunch of the books I’ve been reading lately. I’ve
been trying lots of new writers, and they don’t always ‘click’ with any given
reader. Of course, if I hadn’t “tried a new writer” with you, my life would be the
poorer. So, I’ll keep trying new writers. Every once in a while I’ll find that
nugget!
The short story sounds VERY interesting! I think you should work on a few more
shorts. It will expand your tool box, and publishing shorts and novelettes is a great
way for new readers to find you.
Life Sentences, Day 132: Stupid-Proof
February 10th, 2011
Almost anyone can figure out how to baby-proof a house. But how do you stupid-proof an entire
nation?
A few days back, a Minneapolis woman with the finely ironic name of Stacy Champion attempted to
air-mail her son in Georgia a puppy. When she saw postal workers handling the package a bit roughly,
she warned them it had “a robot” in it. Postal employees heard the robot breathing, opened the box,
and gave the dog to an animal shelter, and Stacy Champion went to court to demand the return of the
dog and the $22 in postage she had paid.
When the hearing officer asked why she had attempted to mail a puppy, Stacy Champion said, “They
didn’t have no display, what you couldn’t mail or nothing.”
Okay, they didn’t have no display.
I date this whole we need to warn the stupids movement back to the late fifties, when Procter &
Gamble sent out millions of samples of their new dishwashing liquid, which — hold your breath —
contained lemon juice to cut grease, or so P&G said. (It actually contained artificially produced lemon
scent molecules.)
P&G first got an inkling that something was awry when news reports surfaced about hundreds of
people who had gotten sick from drinking the detergent. Let me repeat that: Hundreds of people had
gotten sick from drinking the detergent.
And then, of course, drawn by the stench of stupidity, the lawyers descended like flies. Fifty years later
...
. . . we apparently need to be warned not to place our infants in large plastic containers.
This attempt to keep the idiots in the gene pool is costing us a fortune. Because of the lawyers, if there
ain’t no display, there’s a lawsuit. As an example, let’s look at the stairways at a Los Angeles
university. You see, the buildings have more than one story. The architects thought it would be nice if
the students, rather than having to scale the exteriors of the buildings and go in through the windows,
had stairways to get from floor to floor. Well and good.
But then someone, in this Age of Lead, fell downstairs.
In the old days — the great days of America — someone would have helped the person up, asked if she
was okay, and that would have been it. But not today. What actually happened was that a Stairway
Safety Consultant was retained (tax dollars) and the Stairway Safety Consultant decreed that the way to
protect the largest number of the stupid and careless was more lighting in the stairwells, combined with
reflective tape on the edge of each stair.
In order to do that, Minimum Tape Standards had to be defined by a Reflective Tape Panel (tax dollars)
who established ideal tape width, thickness, and degree of reflectivity and then met again to determine
which portion of the color spectrum should be reflected so as not to discriminate against the stupid and
careless who were also color blind, and then met again, with an Adhesives Consultant (tax dollars), to
determine which kind of stickum would be least likely to stop sticking, thereby turning this miraculous
safety tape into something to trip over.
Then the tape specs were released, manufacturing bids were invited, contracts were issued, Tape
Placement Crews were sent to place the tape under the keen eye of a Tape Placement Crew Supervisor,
who never touched the tape, and calendars were drawn up to schedule Tape Wear and Tear Checks by
Tape Wear and Tear Crews. When Wear and Tear is reported, the Tape Placement Crews swing
expensively back into action.
And this will go on forever.
I know this is cold-hearted, I know it smacks of eugenics, but surely there is some stupidity cut-off
level — air-mailing a puppy might be one indication — below which it is counterproductive for society
to keep people alive. In the long run, over a few generations, if we just ignore them and let them step
in front of speeding trains, drink dishwasher liquid, and use hair dryers in the bathtub, their numbers
will dwindle. The overall average I.Q. of the nation will rise. That would be a good thing. School
kids, no longer in classes taught at the level of the dimmest student in the room, might learn to read and
write again.
We might even elect better candidates.
Otherwise, we’re looking at a future where, as the late, great George Carlin said, a grand piano will be
labeled CAUTION: MAY BE HARMFUL OR FATAL IF SWALLOWED.
This entry was posted on Thursday, February 10th, 2011 at 10:50 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
10 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 132: Stupid-Proof”
1. EverettK Says:
Being overly simplistic (when aren’t I? My teaches always said, “He’s awfully
simple.”)…
The main philosophical difference between Democrats and Republicans, when
taken to extremes:
Democrats want to protect EVERYONE from EVERYTHING (“survival/success
of everyone”).
Republicans want to protect NO ONE from ANYTHING (“survival/success of the
fittest”).
Of course, politicians being who they are, they frequently get their philosophies
mixed up (usually when spouses or lobbyiers or anyone else with influence get
involved), such as Bush’s “no child left behind.”
But, simply put, I couldn’t agree with you more, Tim. Could you maybe write
something controversial one of these day, so we could have a good knock-yourteeth-out argument or something? (That’s assuming that we both have any teeth
left by the time we find something on which to disagree…)
2. Larissa Says:
LOL! I love this post! I kinda want to try to swallow a grand piano now…just to
see what would happen. Think there’d be consequences?
I think I work with (as in customers, not my coworkers) who all meet these
“Stupid Cutoff” boundaries. It’s astounding.
Student: I need a book
Me: For which class?
Student: I dunno.
Me: Who’s your teacher?
Student: I don’t know. It’s a guy.
Me: Do you know your college login to get your schedule?
Student: No.
Me: I can’t help you.
Student: (drooling)
No joke.
I sent you an email. (c:
3. Bonnie Says:
Just to add some more sniggers, here’s a list that at least some of you may have
missed some of:
http://www.rinkworks.com/said/warnings.shtml
And my favorite insult, via Molly Ivins and presumably originating somewhere in
Texas: “He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the
heel.”
4. Tom Logan Says:
And speaking of “stupid,” do you think Representative Chris Lee read your Day
130 Blog and acknowledged that he’d made “profound mistakes” rather than
claiming “inappropriate behavior”?
I don’t think we can escape from stupid people doing stupid things or others
finding ways to capitalize on them.
5. EverettK Says:
Those are pretty crazy funny, Bonnie!
And to prove what a small world it is, Sam Stoddard, one of the founders and
owners of the rinkworks site, wrote the “Official Everett Kaser Software FAQ”
over a decade ago, and it’s still on his site (but hasn’t been updated since 1999).
Natural selection is too slow. What do we do until things change? The scary thing
is, it seems as if ignorance has become popular, yuck. Good laughs, anyway.
I agree with Lil, natural selection is too slow (unless it’s working in reverse). A
church newsletter had the promissing headline “WOMEN OF THE CHURCH
HAVE CAST OFF CLOTHING” so its not all bad.
8. Gary Says:
The most disturbing thing is that being stupid has now become everybody else’s
fault.
“The overall average I.Q. of the nation will rise.
Kinda like when Bill Gates walks into a bar, the average wealth of the other
patrons goes up?
People can malign eugenics all they want, but it’s hard to get around the fact that
more care is given to the breeding and raising of show dogs and race horses than
is given to the breeding and raising of children.
“We might even elect better candidates.”
Bingo! Condemning government as the source of all of society’s problems is
popular among certain segments of the population, but it’s all wrong. Government
is not to blame; bad government is. Government got bad precisely because We,
the People got lazy and apathetic and became ill-informed and soon disengaged
from the political process. The result is that we are increasingly governed to serve
corporate interests. If Americans want their government back, they’ll need to fight
corporations, not each other.
Sorry, didn’t mean to rant. (Well, I did, but when I started I thought I could do it
with a lot fewer words.)
Hi, guys and girls. I’ve been doing PULPED (finished!!!) all day today, so this is
my first substantial period of time online.
Great comments from all. I’m glad I’m not a solitary misanthrope seeing a world
that’s not really there.
Everett, I agree that’s the way the Dems and the Reps see themselves, but these
days I think those distinctions are more formal than real. Bush signed off on the
prescription drugs for seniors program, the biggest entitlement in decades, and
Obama’s talking about budget cuts in programs that benefit the poor. Each of our
last FOUR presidents, two Repuglicans and two Damnocrats, has put us into a
war. They continue to characterize themselves in the traditional fashion, but
there’s no more difference between them than there is between a period and a full
stop.
But I am glad you agree with me.
Riss, that’s hilarious and heartbreaking at the same time. This is apparently a
student bookstore and therefore an extension of a so-called institution of learning.
Well, at least it keeps those kids off the street. And what with the new reflective
tape, they won’t fall downstairs. Maybe.
Okay, Bonnie, funniest site I’ve seen in months. (EVERYBODY LOOK AT
BONNIE’S LINK!) I’d say LOL, but Riss already did.
Tom, I was so impressed that Rep. Lee didn’t say “inappropriate” that I think he
should reconsider his resignation. So he took his shirt off and took a picture of
himself and sent it to someone he met on HOTFRIDAYNITE.COM or whatever it
was, and he’s married and has kids. Okay, bad judgment call. But he doesn’t say
“inappropriate.”
Lil, I hadn’t thought of it in those terms. Natural selection IS too slow. But that
may be in part due to the fact that we’ve been interfering with it by keeping the
deeply challenged from taking pianos orally and performing self-dentistry with
power drills and stepping in front of high-speed trains and mailing themselves to
each other. If we left them alone, the rate of improvement in the gene pool might
pick up dramatically.
micael (since you seem to insist on that name), that’s a great headline. One of my
favorites, to display my great age again, was on my various refrigerators for
decades until it disintegrated: CAN’T STAND PAT, NIXON SAYS.
Gary, of course being stupid is other people’s problems. They didn’t have no
display. By the way, the video of Ms. Champion at her hearing is the most
cringeworthy footage I’ve seen in a long time. It’s enough to make you envy other
species.
Phil, you make the perfect case for the Ixnaycrats. Get rid of the whores and
gasbags of both parties (which is to say all of them) and vote for people you’d like
to meet. Or even street mimes and actresses, if their opponents are professional
politicians. I know, it won’t fix everything, but we’d never have to look at John
Boehner again. and people would stop saying “inappropriate.”
Life Sentences, Day 133: Dom Time
February 10th, 2011
Break out the Dom. The first draft of PULPED is finished.
Is it ever. Yesterday I did almost 4,000 words, and today 2,200. I was aiming at 90,000 words and
came in at 91,020.
And I got all teary as I wrote the last scene. That was at about 6:20 this evening (Thursday),
concluding a workday that began at 11 AM.
This is as good as it gets. Right now, this book is perfect. It’s the best book I ever wrote. It may be the
best book anybody ever wrote. This feeling will last until I wake up at 5 AM tomorrow, in the dark and
drowning in doubt.
But I’ll get past that. Eventually the birds will begin to sing, my spirits will rise as the sun does, and
after coffee I’ll be ready to go back to work.
So tomorrow I’ll go over the past three days’ work, including the complete surprise of an ending that
got me all weepy. And I’ll rewrite it very considerably. I’ll also spend a couple of hours going back to
the beginning and strengthening some stuff that wound up paying off in the final act.
I’ll look at that same material on Saturday, too, and then put the whole thing away for a couple of
weeks to fall out of love with it so I can do a full-length revision. That’ll take a week or ten days, and
then comes the trial by fire: reading it out loud to Munyin.
I can’t WAIT wait to read it to Munyin. Everything she hates about my books is missing from this one.
Nobody gets his ears nailed to a table or is thrown into a cage of starving ferrets. I think she’ll like it,
and I hope I do, too.
As I read to her, she’ll be more or less interested and occasionally confused, and those reactions will
help me tighten and clarify. I’ll also find myself speeding up in some passages, or even rewriting
verbally as I read, and those pages get a big red line down the right-hand margin that means
UUUGGGHHHHHH. Work is needed.
And finally, I’ll feed the whole file into Calibre to convert it to mobi so I can read on the Kindle. (That
sentence would have been meaningless three years ago.) It’s amazing what you see when you look at a
manuscript in a more formal form. Previously undetected strengths and weaknesses leap to the fore.
My agent wants to see it, but I’ll be flabbergasted if he decides to try to sell it as a tree book. I wrote it
as an e-book, and that’s what I think it is. He is, however, the best editor I’ve ever known, and
anything he wants to share with me about PULPED will result in a stronger book.
The other thing this means is that I can (a) proof INCINERATOR and get it online. (b) Integrate Gary
and Everett’s catches on LITTLE ELVISES so it can be put online. (c) Start the new Poke. I have to
confess that I’m really eager to get back to Poke and his family.
Thanks for living through this soap opera with me.
This entry was posted on Thursday, February 10th, 2011 at 10:12 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
10 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 133: Dom Time”
1. Larissa Says:
YAAAAAAAY!
That is all. (c:
2. EverettK Says:
Congratulations, Tim!!! Really looking forward to it. And it’s been no great
trouble “living through this soap opera” with you, it’s been a great privilege to get
a small peek into your creative process.
On a completely different note: tonight on CurrentTV (a cable/satellite channel), a
new show debuts that sounds quite interesting, and which may be a harbinger of
changes coming our way in some areas of TV. It’s called Bar Karma. Rather than
trying to regurgitate what I’ve read about the show, here’s a pretty good
description of what it’s about and how it was developed:
CNet News: Bar Karma
I have NO idea whether the show will be any good or not, but it’s an interesting
concept, and the development method is very interesting. Worth checking out, for
the creatively-curious among you.
What a great post. Laying your process bare and calling yourself on it.
I forwarded this to another writer friend who I’d been meaning to turn onto your
blog. This one is perfect.
4. Suzanna Says:
Congratulations, my friend. I am very happy for you!
Hurray! We are now closer to the finished product, and it’s been really fun and
interesting to share your writing process (another over used word I hate, but it
works). Wouldn’t it be a hoot if you got a tree book out of this? Enjoy the
moment; it’s today and you are allowed to enjoy yourself. Phooey on the early
morning doubts!
I miss Poke. And Rose. And Miaow. And oh, gosh . . . the policeman whose name
starts with a T and I would know it if I saw it. I miss the strangeness of Bangkok,
the beauty of it and the sadness of it.
But oh yeah, congratulations on a terrific finish. Now to check out Bar Karma . . .
7. Gary Says:
CONGRATULATIONS, TIM!
(Gee, Everett, why did he have to finish it so darn quickly? I was hoping we could
goof off for a while longer.)
Congratulations. All your hard work and stamina have paid off. I dont know how
you do it; but im glad you do. Cathy and I are looking forward to reading the
latest Poke.
9. Debbi Says:
Congrats! Enjoy the bubbly.
Laaaadies and Gentlemennnnnnnn . . .
I ain’t done nuthin today, as the next post will inform you. So I’ve been rude
about not getting back to you.
Thanks for all the congrats and good wishes. YaYYYY back atcha, Riss, and
thanks to you, too, Everett. That’s actually almost interesting enough to get me to
turn on my TV, but I don’t think we get Current TV (Al Gore, right?) and anyway,
it’s too much work to find the remote. It’s a very interesting process, though; sort
of cloud showrunning.
Thank you, Laren, and thanks also for all the words of encouragement along the
way. This one was interesting because I never really felt as though I wouldn’t be
able to finish it — I had long periods when I doubted my sanity and wasn’t sure
there was any kind of acceptable ending ahead, but not the kind of full-scale,
head-on collision with a stone wall I experienced on QUEEN and BREATHING
WATER. This one was largely a lot of fun to write.
Zanna and Lil, you’re both great, and thanx fo de kind werdz. And morning
doubts are just part of the process; they push you to challenge what you’ve
already got, and sometimes make it better. Also, they reflect reality, since I don’t
ACTUALLY think this is the best book anybody’s ever written.
Peg, it’s going to be a while. Not for me, because I’ll start writing the next one in
a couple of weeks (or earlier), but because of the change in publishers there won’t
be a Poke book in 2011. I have to turn it in in October of this year, and they’ll put
it out whenever they feel is best, which could be as late as summer 2012. I’m not
happy about this, but it’s not their fault I don’t have a book; I reacted to being
dropped by writing PULPED. And I’m glad I did, although I don’t like the long
lag between Bangkok books.
Gary, it’ll be at least a month before I have to bother you guys with this, and
maybe much longer, since I suppose there’s a chance it’ll be a tree book. We shall
see.
And Mikey, I don’t know how I do it, either. I was saying to Mun last night that
the whole thing is sort of mystical — I put all sorts of stuff in the first 4-5 chapters
just because it entertained and/or amused me, and about 90% turned out to be
essential to the conclusion. When you read it, just keep the first line in mind, and
you’ll see one of the things I mean. I actually have no idea how it works, but
thank God it does.
And sorry about the delay on the next Poke.
Life Sentences, Day 134: Gone Fishin’
February 11th, 2011
Today I did pretty much nothing. And it felt great.
For the first time in a couple of months, the whole day wasn’t about writing. I did real stuff:
rearranged my writing space and put a first-rate office chair there instead of the alarmingly rickety
dining-room chair I’ve been using. Paid bills. Threw things out. Did four loads of laundry and folded
clothes. Basically never left the house.
And then, about 4 PM, I made a pot of coffee, screwed my courage to the sticking point, whatever that
means, and took my first post-coital look at the last three chapters of PULPED.
And I liked them.
I opened the two denser chapters up by adding a little more than 200 words, mostly to let some air in
and/or to delay a revelation by a beat or two. (These chapters are bristling with revelations.) Read
them again and pronounced them good, and just for the hell of it, looked at Chapter One. And tweaked
it and Chapters Two and Three.
I liked them, too.
So maybe I won’t wait two weeks before doing the edit. Or maybe I will. I feel like I have an infinite
amount of freedom, which is how I always feel when I finish a book.
And then I had a moment of true luxury. I realized I’d been wrong all day about what day of the week
it was. I never know in Asia, but here in the States I usually do. PULPED canceled all that out for me.
And soon I’ll be writing Poke and Rose and Miaow again. Life is so good.
Oh, and I wrote a piece about settings in a book for “Travels With the Muse,” a terrific blog run by
novelist Joyce Yarrow. For those who just can’t get enough of me, it’s here.
your own site.
7 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 134: Gone Fishin’”
1. EverettK Says:
What do you mean that TODAY you did nothing. You do nothing every day;
you’re a writer.
What a nice place to be. I thought you had a busy day, but very different in style.
There is something very um-cleansing-about doing four loads of wash. Sorry
couldn’t resist. I did see the Yarrow blog, and if I hadn’t already read them, I
would read your books, definitely. And thanks to Everett, I read all the writer
blogs you did last winter. Very interesting and instructive.
4. Suzanna Says:
Hi, Tim
Your feeling satisfied with what you have worked so hard to produce is just
wonderful to see. But the fact that you’re also having so much fun doing it is
simply one of the most inspiring things I get to witness! Again, congratulations
and thanks for sharing it with us every day. We’re so lucky : )
Boy, I really do have my feet up. Haven’t answered anyone in 48 hours.
Life is good indeed, Everett.
Laren, I’ll excuse that remark because it comes from another writer. It’s funny,
though — even though I’d already written about ten novels and knew how hard it
could be, when I was planning (5-6 years ago) to quit everything and write
fulltime, I envisioned an essentially languid existence. Yikes.
Hi, Lil, and it was and continues to be nice, although I’ve confounded myself by
moving straight into the editing of PULPED. Doing wash is a good focusing
activity, completely mindless and immediately rewarding — unlike most of the
things we do, it shows us instantly the results of our work as the pile of dirty stuff
dwindles and the stacks of neatly folded clean clothes grow. Like chopping
firewood, but safer. Unless you drink the lemon-scented bleach, of course.
Suzanna, thank you, and thanks for continuing to show up so I can share it with
you.
6. Sylvia Says:
That sounds wonderful (and Laren’s comment made me laugh out loud).
7. Larissa Says:
Pardon me while I try to catch some of that calm, relaxed aura. (c: Well done and
can I say, again, that you’ve earned it? (c: Bravo! Enjoy it!
Life Sentences, Day 135: Don’t Even Bother to Read
February 12th, 2011
I’m still hibernating.
Seriously, unless you thought yesterday’s post about swapping chairs and doing laundry was
interesting, you have better things to to than to continue reading this.
With one exception, which I’m putting up here for the die-hards whose eyes haven’t glazed over yet:
Tomorrow will be given to TOPANGA HEARTS, an original short story with unoriginal characters by
Everett Kaser. It’s to get y’all in the right frame of mind and heart for Valentine’s Day.
This is a waffle day for me. I’ve run for 50 minutes, straightened up the living room, and am about to
go to Trader Joe’s to buy stuff I shouldn’t eat. (See? I told you it was boring.)
Then I’m coming back to Windex and polish my writing table, make coffee, and go back to editing Part
One of PULPED, which is called THE IMAGISPHERE. I’ve targeted the first five chapters, so
anything I can do beyond that will be gravy. I have to say that I’m liking the way it reads.
I’ll become interesting again at some point in the near future, before my wife leaves me. Of course, all
of you will be long gone by then.
And remember, I never promised that all of these would be interesting.
See you tomorrow.
your own site.
3 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 135: Don’t Even Bother to Read”
You writers lead such interesting lives.
2. EverettK Says:
If this was a waffle day for you, you NEEDED to run for 50 minutes. Waffles are
FATTENING!
Glad to know you’re keeping a clean ship. I’ll sleep easier tonight knowing that
Madame Choy isn’t having to do ALL the work…
Don’t we, Laren? Following unmarked paths through the miasma of the
imagination, dodging the perils of poor word choices and unmatching nouns and
verbs — and all without leaving the house. I can barely imagine how dangerous it
must be outside.
Everett, you’ll get yours when your story posts. Which it will in about 45 minutes.
Life Sentences, Day 136: “Topanga Hearts,” Part One
February 13th, 2011
It’s a real pleasure to begin (and end) the Valentine’s Day countdown with a new story from Everett
Kaser.
It’s a pleasure, first, because I like it so much; and second, because I didn’t have to write it.
I have to tell you, though, reading it for the first time was kind of weird, not just because here were my
characters, doing things I didn’t remember them doing (I had that experience practically daily back in
the days when I wrote drunk). It was because I’ve been writing Simeon’s house again recently for the
first time in 17 years, and it was strange to open up Everett’s story and find myself still back there.
And then there’s the fact that Simeon is with someone else in the new book, and here he is, back with
Eleanor. She should kick him out, the philanderer.
But I think this is a terrific story, and here it is.
Oh, and this is written in four parts. Part One is below, and Part Two will follow later today. Parts
Three and Four will get me off the hook tomorrow.
Enjoy.
Topanga Hearts
By Everett Kaser
Based upon the characters and settings created by Timothy Hallinan
SIMEON
Something awakened me. I kept still in the darkness, but heard nothing except the warm night wind
trying to blow the house down the steep side of the canyon where it had somehow clung to existence
for the last eighty years. After listening for several minutes, I rolled off the mattress onto the bare floor.
Eleanor and I were sleeping in the spare room under my house, on a mattress on the floor, like
something out of The Godfather, and for similar reasons. While trying to find the thieves who had
stolen a Juaquin Sorolla painting from my client Madame Choy’s home, I’d tracked them to a
Vietnamese gang who turned out to be less than friendly. One thing led to another, as it frequently does,
only this time I was the one thing and Eleanor was another. Trouble follows me like a family dog, and
after one dicey threat to Eleanor, I was making sure trouble didn’t find her again before I’d taken care
of this problem. I’d just recovered the painting that afternoon and the gang wasn’t happy.
Eleanor and I were in an on phase in our on-and-off relationship. We’d been together, even when we
were apart, for more years than either of us liked to admit. She was the best damn thing that ever
happened to me, and like any healthy, red-blooded fool, the fast-closing arms of a relationship had
scared me nearly to death, and I cheated on her. Repeatedly. And then some more. It was all my fault, a
failure of my moral fiber. Even I am a big enough man to admit that. I eat oatmeal every day to try to
strengthen my moral fiber, but too little, too late. Eventually, she’d had enough and left me. But neither
one of us had ever really let go completely. Gravity seemed to be too strong around us, and we kept
circling around each other, closer and closer.
Eleanor was still breathing softly and evenly on the mattress. I slipped into my shoes. As I reached for
my gun, my hand hit the empty wine bottle we had left sitting on the floor, and I grabbed at it with both
hands. Setting it back down level, I felt around until my fingers found the gun. The Great Defender,
that’s me. I unhooked the string from the door that was connected to a pile of tin cans and quietly
opened the door to the outside. That one door is the only way in or out of the room under my house. I’d
kept its hinges oiled, so it opened without a sound.
The narrow goat trail across the steep hillside is difficult enough to find in the daylight if you don’t
know where it is. In the dark, I had to be careful or I’d quickly find myself at the bottom of the canyon
some six hundred feet below. Nothing looked out of place. As far as I could see, the usual cars were
parked on the neighborhood street, the usual dim lights burned in the usual windows in the five houses
within view, the usual glitter of L.A.’s lights stretched out to the southeast, and the usual smells of sage
and pine carried on the warm night air. I looked up, but saw no lights in the windows above me.
As I turned to move up the trail towards the driveway, something round shoved itself up into my crotch,
and I nearly screamed like a girl. Barely keeping from shouting, I grabbed a handful of fur and held on
to Bravo, Topanga Canyon’s canine free spirit, and all-around champion Crotch Sniffer. I pulled him
back to the door, shoved him inside and pulled the door closed without latching it. I just wanted to slow
him down. If he felt trapped inside, he might start barking or howling.
On the steep, rutted, unpaved driveway, I climbed the rest of the way up to the little corridor that led to
the front door. I stood and listened, but couldn’t hear anything out of the ordinary. I could catch the
vague smell of hydrocarbons, but that was not unusual since liberal amounts of gasoline had once been
used to give much of the house a distinctive bouquet.
After a few moments, I turned the doorknob as quietly as I could, but quickly and smoothly, then
pushed the door open fast and flipped on the lights in one motion.
A man, spinning around to face me, stood ten feet away beneath the light in the center of the room,
holding a little black leather satchel in one hand. He was big, about the same size as I was, and he stood
motionless, staring at the gun I held pointed at his mid-section.
“Who the hell are you?” I asked.
He raised his eyes to mine, pursing his lips and rolling them around like he was sucking on something
sour. “Obviously in the wrong house. If you don’t mind, I’ll just mosey along.”
“I don’t think so. I want to know why you’re in my house in the middle of the night and how you got in
when the door was locked and the dead-bolt was locked.”
He looked at me for a minute, then said, “You must have forgotten to lock up.”
I knew I’d locked the door. With a gang of teenaged Vietnamese hounding me and with Eleanor in the
house, I wasn’t about to forget something so important.
I pointed with my chin and asked, “What’s in the bag.”
“Lipstick, mirror, blush.” He shrugged. “The usual.”
Something about him felt familiar, but I couldn’t place it. He made me uncomfortable though. He stood
completely still. Not relaxed, but still, calm.
“Again, why are you here?”
A pause. Something was spinning awfully fast behind those eyes.
“Do you know a slippery little shit named Tiny Tim?”
I shook my head. “Never heard of him.” I did know about Tiny Tim, but there’s no sense in giving
information to the opposition.
“He’s why I’m here.”
“You have a name?”
His eyes stared into mine and mine stared back. I took a graduate-level course in eye-wrestling.
Finally, he nodded.
“Junior.”
Part Two, JUNIOR, will follow in a few hours.
This entry was posted on Sunday, February 13th, 2011 at 10:54 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
4 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 136: “Topanga Hearts,” Part One”
Everett-this is wonderful! I’m breathless with anticipation. (Did you know there is
a website called willamettewriters.com? I came across it by accident)
Everett deserves some champagne too. I’m hooked,bring Junior and Tiny Tim on.
I agree completely. And it just gets better.
I think Everett may be out of touch today (he’s on a desert island writing the next
James Patterson book) but he should be checking in later tonight. And all day
tomorrow he’ll be online and interactive, if I can just work out two buggy lines in
his coding.
So glad you’re liking this.
4. EverettK Says:
Lil and Micael: Glad you’re enjoying it so far. The 4-part piece was an
experiment, which I’ll explain more fully when the end has been posted. I’m not
Life Sentences, Day 136: “Topanga Hearts,” Part Two
February 13th, 2011
Here’s Part Two (out of four) of Everett Kaser’s story TOPANGA HEARTS.
*****
JUNIOR
I tried not to move. The gorilla with the gun was looking very nervous, and I’m much happier with all
of my fluids on the inside of my skin.
“You’d be Simeon, I assume?”
He nodded. “That’s me. What are you after?”
It was a sticky situation. As long as he held the gun on me, I wasn’t going anywhere fast. But Tiny Tim
wouldn’t appreciate my blabbing his business either.
“Let’s just say I’m a recovery expert,” I said. “Something was taken from Tiny Tim, and he hired me to
retrieve it.”
“And that relates to me how?”
“He thinks you have it.”
“Me?”
I looked around the room. It looked like an extra-large version of a teenaged boy’s room, decorated in
Neo Dorm Room. A large couch with numerous holes in it dominated one side of the room, a door
opened onto a deck, I could see into a serviceable kitchen, and a hallway presumably led to the bath
and bedroom areas. The place looked like it had been heavily used for many years by a small herd of
motherless boys. But who am I to criticize, I’ve been living in a long series of hotel rooms for the past
several years, since my wife divorced me.
“Hard to believe, I know. Like hiding a diamond in a pile of coal, but stranger things have happened.”
His eyes flicked briefly around the room, but returned to me before I could even think about making
any kind of move. He ticked his head to one side and said, “I’m in between cleanings.”
“I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the house is, too.” Okay, maybe being a smart-ass isn’t the
brightest thing to do when a gun is pointed your way. His eyes narrowed for a moment, then waved the
gun towards the couch.
“Sit,” he said.
Just then there was a rush of motion behind him, and a small brown bear came rushing into the room,
colliding with his legs and knocking him sideways. His hands flew out for balance. I threw my bag at
his head, dove over the bear heading my way, and crashed into him. He went over backward with me
on top of him, and there was a satisfying thunk as his head hit the floor. While his wits were nowhere to
be found, I grabbed the gun and tore it from his hand. I rolled off him and got to my feet, pointing the
gun at him.
He didn’t look quite so dangerous while fending off a large dog intent on licking the skin off his face.
He shoved at the dog. “Bravo, get off me!” He managed to get clear of the dog long enough to sit up,
only to catch the dog’s tail across his face. A smile found its way onto my face all by itself. This was
almost worth getting surprised at work.
I backed up towards the kitchen, motioning with the gun. “When you’re done with your puppy love,
why don’t you go sit on the couch?”
He frowned, at me or the dog, or maybe both, but managed to get his feet under him, and sat on the
edge of the couch, and I took his position by the door.
“Sit back, Simeon, extend your boats out in front of you, and relax. We’re going to chat, no need to be
tense. Now, where—ERP!” The dog’s—Bravo’s—nose had gone between my legs and then tried to
take the escalator to the second floor. I put a hand on his head as I stepped back. “Sit!” He just wagged
his tail faster. “Sit!” I pointed at the floor. He just licked my hand.
“He’s less obedient than I am.”
“At least I can shoot you,” I said. Not really, but he didn’t need to know that. Bravo shook like an outof-balance washing machine, sending aloft a cloud of gold-brown hairs, then wandered off down the
hallway.
“Now, tell me where you stashed the painting, and I won’t have to tie you up.”
“I don’t have anything that belongs to Tiny.”
“Tiny? I thought you’d never heard of him.”
He shrugged. “He’s not in my usual social circle.”
“And he’s not likely to be after you stole a painting from him.”
“I’m not a thief. The only thing I’ve taken from anyone recently belongs to my client, and the last I
heard, Tiny wasn’t Vietnamese.”
“Vietnamese?”
“The gang that broke into and robbed my client’s house was Vietnamese, and that’s who I took it back
from.”
The wheels started turning in my head, like a windmill that had been sitting in the desert for a century
or so. When I’d met Tiny Tim earlier in the evening, he’d had several Asian mugs with him. Could
have been Vietnamese. Maybe Tiny Tim hadn’t been straight with me. I don’t like being lied to.
Something caught my attention, a sound, a movement of air, maybe the stars speaking my name. I
started to spin, but too late. My world became a crushing impact along the side of my head, and then
the floor slammed into the rest of me.
Parts Three and Four tomorrow.
your own site.
9 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 136: “Topanga Hearts,” Part Two”
1. Bonnie Says:
Just a heads-up for everybody–I’m going to try to upload the new pages for Tim’s
website at 5 p.m. Pacific time tonight (Sunday), so things might be a little funky
for a bit around that time. Also, if you see things you think are “broken” in the
next week or so, could you please let Tim know so I can fix them. Thanks!
Hey, Tim-Do I really have to wait ’til tomorrow? And, Bonnie, the new pages are
really striking. Very nice indeed.
Everett, yesterday I read your Topanga Hearts installment after the sports section .
Tomorrow i’m reading it before.
4. Robb Royer Says:
For my comment, refer to the old man’s remark in the last scene of
‘Moonlighting’.
5. Robb Royer Says:
Oops, I mean MoonSTRUCK.
6. EverettK Says:
Micael, I am honored, HONORED, I say. I’ve moved in front of sports! No higher
ambition has ever graced my neurons.
Seriously, thanks!
7. EverettK Says:
Robb: Let’s see…
I am old and unwanted.
Well, maybe, but I hope not!
You must pay for the wedding of your only daughter.
I did, I did pay for it!
Bravo. Bravo!
Well… thanks?
Somebody tell a joke.
A goat, a priest and a hairdresser walk into a bar… no?
I’m so confused.
Ah. THAT’S it. Welcome to my world.
Well, look at the firestorm Everett has set off. This is what happens when I post
something good.
Everybody: Please go to the home page (just click on HOME on that list of
sections on the upper left) and don’t worry when it changes the moment your
cursor touches it. It’ll still work. Let Bonnie and me know what you think about
the new site, which for the first time talks about QUEEN, the Simeon books, and
CRASHED/Junior.
Would love to get some reactions.
Lil – See? it’s ALREADY tomorrow, and I put the whole second half up in one
piece to pander to the impatient. That’s going to be the title of my autobiography:
PANDERING TO THE IMPATIENT. Either that or AMBUSHING ANGELS.
micael, high praise indeed. As someone who lacks the sports gene it’s hard for me
to imagine the magnitude of the sacrifice, but I’m sure it’s a whopper.
Robb, you win — so decisively I’m immediately retiring the trophy — the Most
Obscure Response Reference of All Time Award. The trophy is a bronzed ticket in
Croatian admitting the bearer to the stacks of the British Library’s History of the
Glazed Tile Section.
And I make it unanimous: Everett’s story rocks.
9. Suzanna Says:
Hi, Tim
I just saw the new pages and they look fantastic! Fresh and inviting to old and
new fans alike.
Great work everyone on Tim’s design and web team!
Life Sentences, Day 137: “Topanga Hearts,” Parts Three and Four
February 14th, 2011
Rather than keeping you waiting, which is no way to treat people on Valentine’s Day, here’s the
remainder of Everett Kaser’s absolutely wonderful story.
ELEANOR
As the man fell, the gun clattered from his hand. Eleanor let the empty wine bottle’s neck slip from her
sweaty grip and snatched up the gun. She backed up and pointed the gun, two-handed, at the man on
the floor.
Simeon was already off the couch, and he crossed the room, pulling his belt off. He used it to tie
Junior’s arms behind him, above the elbows. He looked up at Eleanor and said, “Thanks. You okay?”
“Oh, sure, I’m fighting off men all the time.” He smiled at her, the smile that always sent a little thrill
through her and brightened her day. Or night. “Besides, you didn’t seem to be faring too well. Someone
had to step up to the plate.”
“Thanks, Mr. Ruth.”
She sniffed and brushed at her blouse with one hand. “I know I’m a little mussed from sleeping in my
clothes, but that’s your fault and no reason to mistake me for a man.”
His eyes ran inch by inch, down to her toes, then back up to her eyes. “You could dress in a monk’s
robe and I’d never mistake you for a man.”
“Oh. Well . . .” she said, flushing lightly and combing the fingers of one hand through her long, straight
black hair. She gestured at the man on the floor. “What are you going to do with him? And why is he
here? And why was he holding this gun on you?”
“He says his name is Junior, and he claims he was hired by a mid-level thug named Tiny Tim to get
something back from me that I supposedly stole from Tiny Tim. Only I think there’s some confusion, or
deception, somewhere. I suspect that Tiny Tim may have been behind the Vietnamese stealing from
Madame Choy, and after I stole the stuff back from the Vietnamese, he hired Junior, here, to try to get it
back from me again.”
Junior groaned on the floor and started to move. Simeon stood up and, grabbing the belt between
Junior’s elbows, dragged him across the floor to the couch. He grunted as he half-lifted him onto the
couch on his back, his arms pinned beneath him. Junior’s eyes flickered open, but didn’t quite track
together at first, then slowly they focused on Simeon standing over him. Then, he closed his eyes again
and said, “Owww.”
“Look at me,” Simeon said.
“It hurts when I do.”
“I’m not that ugly.”
“According to the American Pain Scale, you’re uglier than the north end of a south going camel.”
“Look at me!”
“You don’t have to shout.” Junior opened his eyes and focused again on Simeon. Simeon looked at
both pupils. “You’re hard-headed. You’ll live.”
“Umm. Are there any more pleasant options?”
“I could let Eleanor hit you with the wine bottle again.”
Junior lowered his gaze towards the door and saw Eleanor standing there with the gun, still pointed
roughly in his direction. “Maybe not right now.”
“In that case, let’s talk about Tiny Tim and this painting. Let’s say that the painting I took back from the
Vietnamese gang is the painting that he’s after. Why would he send you this time instead of sending the
gang again?”
“The painting you took was a Juaquin Sorolla?”
Simeon nodded.
“And you’re sure it belonged to your client?”
“It’s been hanging in her house for as long as I’ve known her, and she has the papers from when she
bought it.”
Junior closed his eyes and was quiet long enough that Simeon thought maybe he was unconscious, but
then his eyes opened again. “He told me it was his painting, that it was stolen from his house, and he
wanted to hire me to recover it. I’m not averse to—acquiring—things, now and then. But I don’t like
being played for a fool or being set up. I’m good at what I do. I can only guess that, since the gang
failed to deliver the painting once, he decided to hire a—” He rolled his head slightly side to side, then
winced. “—professional.”
“And you’re a professional?”
Junior raised one eyebrow slightly. “Even professionals can have an off day. Night.”
Eleanor said, “Ahhh.”
Simeon turned toward her. “What?”
Eleanor’s back was arched and her head tipped back. The woman standing behind her and holding a
wad of Eleanor’s hair in one hand, said, “Drop the gun before I slice and dice a kidney, and don’t
anyone move!”
Junior closed his eyes and sighed.
“Ronnie, I thought I asked you to wait in the car.”
RONNIE
“Christ,” Simeon said, “who else is out there? Groucho? Laurel and Hardy?”
“I passed Mae West climbing that rutted dirt path you call a driveway.” She poked Eleanor in the back
again. “I said drop it.” The gun clattered to the floor. Then Eleanor was shoved forward and the woman
stooped and picked up the gun and pointed it at Simeon. “And you, untie him.”
Simeon bent over Junior, rolled him over and removed the belt. “I wasn’t planning on throwing a party
tonight,” he muttered.
Junior sat up, swinging his feet over to the floor and flexing his arms. “Simeon,” he said, “meet
Ronnie. Ronnie, Simeon and Eleanor.”
Simeon stared at Ronnie’s hand. “Is that fingernail clippers?”
Ronnie glanced down, then opened her hand, showing a fingernail clipper with the one-inch file swung
out. She shrugged. “It was all I had in my purse. But I guess you can bring nail clippers to a gun fight.”
“Well,” Simeon said, pointing his chin at Ronnie’s head, “you could have used one of those chopsticks
that are holding your hair up. Ronnie’s hand flew involuntarily to her head, where her fine blond hair
was twisted into a rope and piled on top of her head, speared by crisscrossing chopsticks. Then her
shoulders dropped, and she sighed.
“Heat of the moment. At least the nail file was pointier than the chopstick would have been.”
Junior cleared his throat, and looked at Simeon. “Do we still have a problem?”
Simeon looked back at him. “Depends. Are you still on the job?”
Junior shook his head . . . and winced again. “Not this one. I may be a thief, and I may deal with
criminals, but I do have a code of ethics—sort of—and I expect to be dealt with honestly and fairly.
Tiny Tim appears to be a snake, and he’s about to find out that he’s bitten off more than he can
swallow.”
“Then we don’t have a problem. In fact, I have a grievance against the snake myself. And then there’s
this Vietnamese gang that needs to learn some manners.”
Junior said, “Ronnie, give the nice man back his gun, please?”
Shaking her head slightly, Ronnie lowered the gun. Her and Eleanor eyed each other as Ronnie crossed
the room and handed the gun to Simeon.
“So,” Junior said, “where did you stash the painting?”
Clicking on the safety and sliding the gun into a pocket, Simeon looked at him for a moment, studying
his face. Then he said, “It’s in a plastic shopping bag, in a pizza box, which is in a plastic garbage bag,
which is hidden out in the brush.”
“Outside? In the brush?”
“Yeah. It seemed like the safest place for it until I can return it tomorrow. You weren’t looking for it
outside.”
Junior flipped one hand out. “Well, there is that.”
“Besides, the best place to hide something is where no one will ever look.”
“So.” Ronnie said, playing with the round pendant hanging from a chain around her neck. “I hate to
break into this male bonding moment, but am I ever going to get that Valentine’s Day dinner you
promised me? That hamburger from the drive-through was a long time ago, and the time pressure on
this job seems to have blown it’s release valve.”
“Oh, shit,” slipped out of Simeon’s mouth as he glanced at Eleanor.
“Sure,” Junior said. He glanced between Simeon and Eleanor. “You guys hungry?”
Eleanor raised both eyebrows at Simeon.
“Sure,” Simeon said. “You guys like Thai? I know a great all-night Thai restaurant.”
“Works for me,” Ronnie said, turning to Eleanor and holding out her hand. “Sorry about the nail file.
No hard feelings?”
“I still have two healthy kidneys,” Eleanor said, smiling. “I’ll live a while longer.”
“Is there a powder room in this place? My chopsticks need freshening up.”
“Sure. It’s just down the hall, past the suit of armor and the spaghetti sauce. Let me show you, so you
don’t accidentally step in something.” They disappeared down the hall, heads close together.
Junior looked at Simeon. “I think we may be in trouble.”
Simeon looked after the women, nodding. “I think we may have stepped in something.”
This entry was posted on Monday, February 14th, 2011 at 9:50 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
10 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 137: “Topanga Hearts,” Parts
Three and Four”
1. Suzanna Says:
Hi, Everett
Nice job! I can tell you are a big fan of Junior and Simeon since you were able to
capture character and setting so well. What a great idea to bring these two
together. Thanks a lot for the story and for giving Mr. T a little break from blog
duty.
Happy Heart Day everyone!
2. Larissa Says:
I dig it. Keep up the good work. (c:
Hi Everett,
I really liked this. It is so much fun to imagine what would happen if? and you did
a great job. You have me smiling…
Everett, Tim is just jealous. I read his early work after the Pennysaver. p.s. my
name is michael but somehow no matter how many times I correct the spelling it
comes out micael.my computer has a mind of its own.
Welcome to all but my brother, who has apparently forgotten how to spell his
name (maligning his computer – is that pathetic, or what?) and who maligns me,
as well. Jealous of Everett? Just because everyone likes his story? Just because he
writes my characters better than I do? Just because he — no, no, I can’t go on. I
sneeze wetly in the direction of your aspersions, and I never wrote for the
Pennysaver, either.
Hi, everyone else. Suzanna, Riss, Lil — I join you in the applause for Everett.
Jealous? Peh! I snap my fingers in the face of that accusation. I emit other
Continental modes of disapproval. I . . . I . . . I’m going to sleep now.
6. Debbi Says:
Bravo, Everett!
Nice.
7. EverettK Says:
Suzanna: Thanks! Yes, I do enjoy Simeon and Junior a great deal. I’m just
finishing the 2nd Poke book, and am becoming quite fond of him, Rose and
Miaow, too (hence, the reference to the Thai restaurant at the end of the story, my
little way of bring Poke into the story too, albeit however slightly). As for
“capturing the characters” and the idea for the story, see below.
Michael: Yes, I knew (from Tim’s earlier posts) what your name was, but I
thought maybe it was just an affectation, and I didn’t want to offend you. I try to
limit myself to offending only one person per family, and Tim’s already secured
that target position…
Tim: “…writes my characters better than I do?” Hah. HAH! I say. I am but
‘purple’ to your “Electric Indigo.” I am a fruit fly to your F-16 fighter jet. I am but
nose hair to your… um… moving on.
While I appreciate your puffery, Tim, let us not stretch the truth beyond the realms
of this solar system, hmm? As for your going to sleep at 6:25pm, I have heard that
elderly people have earlier bedtimes…
Everyone: A couple of weeks ago, the idea for the story came to me as I lay in bed
wondering if there was a reason to rise that day. Just a few days before I’d
finished the last Simeon book (The Bone Polisher), and also Tim had been
whining …um… blogging about the difficulties he’d encountered when he hit part
3 of PULPED, because now he had two main characters, one that had been written
in third person and one in first person. I was also thinking about how last fall, Tim
had said he was going to write a short story for every Sunday. Or maybe it was
every holiday on the Hallmark calendar. I forget. But I was wondering which
upcoming holiday might attract his yearning for writing short stories (his yearning
is legendary), and I realized Valentine’s Day was coming up, but I didn’t figure
Tim would deign to write one for that pitiful little holiday. And like the snap of
fingers, all of that bubbled together into the idea of writing another story, for
Valentine’s Day, and which played with the different view points, and brought
together two of my favorite characters. As I thought about it, it being for VD, of
course, there had to be ladies involved, too. And just like that, the general outlines
of the story formed. The devil, however, is in the details, and it took four days to
get the thing written. It could have used the “two-week cooling off period” that
Tim has mentioned and then a heavy rewrite, but the calendar and MY schedule
didn’t allow for that, so I sent it off to Tim, warts and all.
I’m glad I wrote it, as it WAS a learning experience. But I’m not terribly happy
with the result.
1) It’s too short. I tried to cram too much into too small a space.
2) The changing view-points didn’t work as well as I’d hoped, and part of that is
due to (1). If you’re doing something that major, it’s a lot easier on the reader if
they have time to adjust to each view point before you jump to another one.
3) It’s too short. The needed plot to support the changing view points was too
large and complex for that short of a story, and that left very little time/space for
characterization.
4) I really struggled trying to differentiate Simeon and Junior. When you come
right down to it, they’re very similar characters. Simeon is a little more serious, a
little less caring about his relationships (look what he did to poor Eleanor wayback-when). Junior is a little more humorous (however dry and sarcastic at times),
and cares more about not hurting those he loves (a little bit). But both are big men,
independent, have an active sense of humor, are “Lone Rangers” and both operate
according to a moral code that most people would admire (ignoring the occasional
theft or killing).
5) It’s too short. The resolution and ending were rushed, and they just feel too
‘forced’ to me. This story line could have easily filled between 1/4 and 1/2 of a
novel, done properly.
But, that’s enough picking. It was fun to write, I learned some things, and
hopefully it was fun for you guys to read.
Thanks, Tim, for all the joy you bring into our lives!
8. EverettK Says:
Thanks, Debbi!
Bravo from me, too, Everett. I disagree with many of your criticisms of the story
— I thought it worked great, and the changes of PTV worked better for me than
they did for you, probably because I read each of them from the character’s
perspective, and while they may read quite a bit alike on the page, I feel
differently when I’m writing each of them.
Great job, and if I ever disappear mysteriously but you all read that my series will
continue, you know who’s the prime suspect.
10.Robb Royer Says:
It’s been a whole day and I’m still waiting for my Most Obscure Reference award
to arrive. I’m beginning to think that there isn’t an award at all, that maybe the
whole affair is tinged with sarcasm. That would be unfortunate and certainly
beneath the dignity of this blog (though most decidedly not of the blogger).
Besides it wasn’t all that obscure – Everett got to the bottom of it in seconds. Well
done Everett. Wish we could pass similar kudos along to our host who, when he
comes face to face with is own limitations immediately resorts to scorn and
ridicule. Besides you forget the all important factors of tone, timing and delivery
all of which are 100% absent in the entire internet. So I won’t blame you for that.
Everything else, though.
STILL-LIFE SENTENCES, Day 138: Grab Bag
February 15th, 2011
I’m not even going to try to top Everett. Think of this blog as being like a piñata without the bat and
the blindfold, and filled only with the hard candies nobody wants. The green ones.
First, thanks again to Everett for giving all of us such a memorable valentine. I loved it and you did,
too, obviously, and it was amazing to take two days off — days that will NOT be added on at the end of
the year, thank you. They were vacation days, and I enjoyed them immensely.
Second, yesterday something I wrote appeared on Erin Underwood’s wonderful blog, UNDERWORDS:
Life, Literature, and Everything In-Between. On certain occasions, Erin does what she calls the “oneword interview” in which she invites writers to submit brief bits on a theme. Yesterday, naturally, the
theme was love and the limit was 50 words. I’m proud to say I’m up there with some seriously good
writers: Charlaine Harris, Jodi Picoult, Paulo Coelho, Jamie Ford, Laura Griffin, and some others. I’m
sure Erin wouldn’t mind if you bagged some of it for use on V-Day next year. It’s here, and if you like
it, please leave Erin a note.
Was ecstatic to see Arcade Fire’s “The Suburbs” win the Grammy, especially after all the awards for
Lady Antebellum. I mean, “Need You Now” is a nice song, but three Grammies? Puh-leeze. Ray
LaMontagne should have won for “Beg, Steal, or Borrow.” On the other hand “The Suburbs” was
definitely (for me) the best album of 2010, and certainly the one I’ve listened to most. Where the hell
was Sara Barielles? That girl needs new publicists.
Munyin and I have decided to go to the Edgars, so I’ll be reporting from time to time on all the trauma
associated with getting her out the door. And the, win or lose, I’ll let you know what the event is like,
toward the end of April.
Remember this? I’ve been thinking about it ever since I posted it.
When I first saw it, it made me feel really good. But talk about a vanished world.
Nowadays, that kid wouldn’t be allowed outdoors without “adult supervision.” He’d be arrested for
fishing without a license. The dog isn’t wearing a collar, so it would be hauled into the pound by
animal control for not having its own license, and it would cost a fortune to get him or her out. The raft
would be condemned as too dangerous and destroyed by authorities. The owner of the pond would
have fenced it off to prevent access because otherwise, his insurance premiums would soar and he’d get
sued by the kid’s parent if the kid fell in the water or got a splinter or stepped on a rusty nail in the raft.
“Experts” and “authorities” weighed in on all these things and we listened and made a lot of rules to
prevent us from living so carelessly and maybe getting wet or stepping on a nail. And yet we see a
picture like this and sigh for the old, unimproved America. On the other hand, look at how much safer
we all feel. I certainly feel safer. Don’t you?
Well, now that I’ve cheered you all up, I can report that I broke all my own rules and am now on page
186 (out of 300) in my first edit on PULPED. And, by and large, it’s holding up.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 15th, 2011 at 11:05 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
17 Responses to “STILL-LIFE SENTENCES, Day 138: Grab Bag”
1. EverettK Says:
You forgot that the kid would also be slathered in sun-screen, and would be
wearing a big orange life-preserver.
Glad to hear you and Munyin are going to the Edgars. You need to get out of the
house once in a while and experience, first-hand, the wonders of Modern
America! With luck, neither of you will get to enjoy a full-body cavity search at
the airport, nor suffer from deep-vein thrombosis from sitting in a 20″ by 20″ by
4′ space for hours on end.
2. Suzanna Says:
Okay, green hard candy is certainly one of the worst candies ever to be jammed
into a pinata but what about those jelly candies covered in granulated sugar and
shaped like the segment of an orange? No matter the flavor these top my worst
candy list. Sorry had to get that off my chest.
I’m really happy you’re going to the Edgars. Keeping Munyin happy while you
get ready to board the plane? A few suggestions from someone who also hates
leaving her comfy corner of the world: Rent some Colin Firth movies and pack
lots of healthy snacks for the plane ride, and when in doubt, offer dark chocolate!
Looking forward to hearing about the great adventure.
3. Tom Logan Says:
Wrong again Tim. Some other seriously good writers were up there with you. I’m
enjoying the blogs as much as the books AND I don’t have to wait for them to be
Kindled! I buried my dog today out in the woods behind my house (my property).
Just us, a pick and a shovel. It felt good, like the good old days when things were
simpler. I understand what you’re saying. Thanks.
The Emmys made me feel really out of it; which ofcoarse I am. I tuned in just in
time to see somebody I didn’t know introduce a group i’d never heard of.
Rivoting. I dont mean to undermine you,Tim, but if this blog is the best you can
do -bring back Everett. Your bro micael
Well, I’m here. (Short pause for cheers and applause.)
Everett — it’s THREE DAYS on the train — I just checked. And my guess is that
the coffee is undrinkable, the foor id inedible, and the bunks are unsleepable.
Persuade me otherwise, or tell me where to look, because I’d LOVE to fly only in
one direction.
Thanks, Sooz, for reminding me of those beastly little sugar-dipped “orange”
sections. Probably full of cow hoof as a setting agent, and a yutz taste. Great tips
for the flight.
Hi, Tom, and thanks for the shift in perspective. Also happy you’re enjoying the
blog, which is more than I can say for my own brother. Give it back to Everett,
indeed. Sorry about your dog, but you’re lucky you didn’t have to have the
STATE pick her up. Things certainly were simpler, and there was nobody forcing
restaurants to tell us what was wrong with what we were eating, either. Honest to
Christ, it’s enough to make a conservative out of me.
Hey, micael, why WOULDN’T the Grammys (not Emmys) make you feel out of
it. The last record you liked was Esquirita. And you have a wood-burning
computer. Luddite.
6. Suzanna Says:
Just in case Everett gets you to reconsider the train…my father in law thought it
would be kinda romantic to take a sleeper train across country. After about 24
hours of being woken up every four hours by people knocking on his door to sell
him stuff to eat and drink he gave up and flew the rest of the way.
I’m guessing if you get away from cities, there are still some places that look as
delightful as that picture. the Edgars should be very exciting. Hopefully, it won’t
be too awful getting there. What was dinnertime like at your house when you
were kids, Tim, or did you save it up for adulthood? Just kidding…
8. Munyin Says:
Sana: Love your suggestions about keeping me a happy camper while traveling to
N.Y. But I have an iBook G4 which is kind of heavy for DVD’s. Tim has me
leaning towards MacAir which would need an external hard drive to play DVD’s
so that’s kind of awkward. Maybe I need to buy a tiny DVD player so I can play
Colin Firth movies–even the ABBA one. Any thoughts on DVD players on Apple
or anything else?
9. Debbi Says:
Tim,
FWIW, I’ve taken the sleeper train from Portland OR to Denver (2 nights) and,
while the coffee won’t win awards, the food is pretty good, actually. Edible even.
10.Beth Says:
Continuing in my role as outsider, I will address the comments of those who don’t
have children.
Everett, yes, we do slather them with sunscreen so that in their middle years they
won’t be like my husband and my brother, boys who left the house after breakfast
and returned in time for dinner. In exchange for those sunscreen free days, they
spend an inordinate amount of time at the skin surgeons office having precancerous and cancerous growths and lesion removed.
Tom, I assume you have enough property to not have to be concerned about
children playing in dirt over a decomposing body. Kids are exposed to more than
enough contaminates when they attend schools that have been built over chemical
dump sites.
Tim, dogs without collars and tags may well get picked up by a dog catcher and
without anything identifying the dog it would likely be euthanized. It is easier to
get a tag from the vet than explain to kids that their dog is never coming home.
When I was growing up, there was a pond that wasn’t fenced in and the kids loved
swimming there because it was forbidden; life guards are such a drag. Three kids I
went to school with drowned in that pond over a period of then years.
I am sure everyone is aware of the Amber Alert system. It was not created because
some politician wanted to attract some extra money. Children disappear across
this country everyday, never to be found. Most are dead within a short time after
disappearing; some are kept alive in circumstances that are such that they may be
better off dead.
I didn’t grow up rich; we were solidly working class. Everyone could tell this
easily because, in my neighborhood, the houses were filled with kids. There were
six in my family but we were small. The people two doors down had thirteen.
Kids traveled in packs, they were never alone. My kids grew up in a somewhat
more affluent neighborhood. When both of my daughters were young there were
no children their ages in the neighborhood. There was no one around for them to
play with. When my son was six, there were seven boys his age in the
neighborhood. The group could ride their bikes around because they weren’t
alone. Circumstances change and then so do the rules parents impose.
As for protecting them, absolutely. There were three people in the world I would
die for; I had a responsibility to them to keep them safe until they were old
enough to take care of themselves.
So, I will now crawl back under my rock.
11.EverettK Says:
) have raised two kids, so I know whereof you speak, and to a large
extent I agree with you.
My point of disagreement is this: in modern American society, ANY risk is too
much of a risk. We protect our kids from everything we can possibly think of. As
you say, we have “a responsibility to them to keep them safe until they [are] old
enough to take care of themselves.” Unfortunately (for us, as parents), we also
have a responsibility to teach them to fend for themselves, and that’s where all too
many parents today fall down on the job (and hurt their kids). Those are two
opposing responsibilities, like a two-dimensional spectrum, and if you err too far
one way, many kids never learn how to take care of themselves and certainly
never learn how to deal with dangerous situations. If you err too much the other
way, too many kids will die or be maimed before they grow up and learn to take
care of themselves. Today, in my opinion, American society (generalization alert!)
as a whole is leaning WAY too far towards safety “at all costs” and not paying
nearly enough attention to teaching kids how to safely take care of themselves,
depending instead on society itself being safe and taking care of them.
As in all things, balance.
I think you’re wrong about the photo, Tim. It’s obviously in the Ozarks or on
some hidden part of the Mississippi in the deep South where the burning issue is,
if you get a divorce, are you still cousins.
13.Suzanna Says:
Hi, Munyin
I e mailed you my suggestions for some travel viewing suggestions. Hope it’s
helpful.
14.Larissa Says:
Great comments on here today! Phew! And, Tim, thank you for advocating against
That’s what we need to protect kids from-gross candy that uses whale blubber
instead of regular food!
Hi, everybody –
Zana/Everett, I don’t think the train is in our future, especially if I have to sit next
to someone who’s watching “Mamma Mia.” Life is far, far too short.
I think Beth is right from her perspective and I’m right from mine. I may not have
had kids, but I was one, and my brothers and I grew up in places (Maryland, the
southern hills of San Fernando Valley) where there were woods with creeks and
rolling hills, and we could leave the house on a summer morning and not be back
until dinner. We learned what it was like to be on our own, we learned how
beautiful and even magical nature was, we learned what could hurt us or even kill
us. The only kid we ever knew who got killed in all those long year was killed in
an automobile. In the frenzy of protection, we’ve sealed ALL kids away from
those kinds of experiences while at the same time giving them a world in which
they can die by overdose, drive-by shooting, gang violence, guns at school. We’ve
raised the most lethally allergic generation in the history of the world, and that’s
just going to get worse and worse as we seal our kids away from the natural
world. You know who doesn’t get food allergies? Kids who are raised in country,
and especially, farm, environments. (Great long piece on this in THE NEW
YORKER a few weeks back.)
Childhood these days is hermetically sealed because of adults’ anxieties, and I
think it’s terrible that a whole spectrum of childhood experience has been lost —
and relplaced by a world that’s actually much more dangerous. That’s what I
meant when I asked whether people felt safer.
And Beth, I don’t think of you an an outsider. I think of you as one of those
people who drops in every now and then and raises the sanity average. I’d miss
you fiercely if you stopped coming around.
17.Suzanna Says:
I was a nervous nelly when it came to our one and only precious girl. I still am
even though she’s 18 and lives 4 states away.
The experience of being a parent makes you hyper aware of how quickly bad
things can happen to your kids. Must be a primal instinct, that is if you’re an
aware, conscious parent.
Thankfully my anxiety about all the messed up things that could happen to her has
not permanently damaged my girl. At least not that I can tell. She is confident, a
risk taker in the best way possible, sensible, and well, it’s still hard not to worry
about her sometimes.
Even in an urban setting she had experiences as a child that allowed her to get out
into nature, just not alone until much later. So even though she didn’t have the
Jane Goodall childhood experience of wandering around for hours on end outside
by herself, I would have loved it if she could have, it didn’t seem to do her any
harm to limit how soon she could experience her personal freedom.
Life Sentences, Day 139: Book Report
February 16th, 2011
During the post-PULPED hiatus and Everett’s long at-bat, I read. And read.
Some of this is a fudge, because I didn’t read all these books in those 2-3 days. Some of them are from
the past month.
DOPE, by Sara Gran: Noir at its darkest, brilliantly written and extraordinarily persuasive, by a writer
I’d never heard of before. Josephine “Joe” Flannigan is a recovering junkie in 1950s New York City
who’s hired as a sort of private eye to find an upper-class college girl who’s vanished into the drug
world. The pursuit leads Josephine into the very center of her own tormented being. At the same time,
we have the privilege of meeting a character who’s so stubbornly true to herself and so unquestioning
when she gives love that it’s impossible for us not to love her. Remarkable, pitch-perfect writing,
stripped to the bone, with an ending that’s as bleak as any I’ve ever read. If you can take it, try it. I’d
love to meet Sara Gran, and I really resented that there was no author photo because I kept reading
passages that made me want to look at her eyes.
THE MAN WITH THE BALTIC STARE by James Church: Inspector O returns for a fifth outing,
with the balance of power in North Korea teetering among factions, including the South. Very John
LeCarre in that few lines of dialogue have only one meaning, and things sometimes seem needlessly
complicated — immensely intricate plans, for example, to get info from Character A to Character B.
As always, Church gives us a great depiction of the ultimate Kafka state and, also as always, when I
finished the book I wasn’t entirely sure what had gone down. Nevertheless, I read it in three sittings,
and I was in mid-edit, so that says something.
LAND OF MOUNTAINS by Jinx Schwartz: A total delight, a Huck Finn tour of Haiti in the early
1950s except that Huck is an eleven-year-old Texas girl named Elizabeth Ann (or “Lizbuthann,” as
she’s usually called). Transplanted to the beautiful and voodoo-filled island nation when her father goes
to work building a dam there, Elizabeth Ann quickly turns pretty much everything upside down, meets
an enormous zombie, almost sets off a revolution, and generally livens up an already pretty lively
place. I’ve been to Haiti (pre-earthquake) and seen its brilliant color and its sadness, and Schwartz gets
it right from my perspective. A great read, especially at the YA level, and Elizabeth Ann’s voice is
marvelous.
FROM BLOOD by Edward Wright: One of the great injustices of the (relatively) new millennium is
that Edward Wright doesn’t have an American publisher and therefore, you probably can’t buy this
book. Shannon Fairchild is a brilliant slacker, an almost-Ph.D. in history and the daughter of
academics, but she cleans houses for a living and has a boyfriend who is, to say the least, not worthy of
her. Then her parents are murdered brutally, and in going through their things Shannon comes to realize
that they were allied with the most radical political forces of the 1960s anti-Vietnam movement,
including several people who have been underground ever since, on the run because of bombings they
carried out. And that the roots of her parents’ murders are back there somewhere — that their killer is
one of them. Terrific book, great characters, absolute riptide velocity. Wright has already turned out
three astonishing private-eye novels set in the Los Angeles of the late 1940s/early 50s starring John
Ray Horn, former star of Grade C western movie serials and now an ex-convict and a skip-tracer,
CLEA’S MOON, THE SILVER FACE (also called WHILE I DISAPPEAR), and RED SKY
LAMENT. He also wrote a terrific standalone, DAMNATION FALLS, a couple of years back.
FROM BLOOD is right up there with his best. Wish I could tell you where to get it.
DEATH OF THE MANTIS, by Michael Stanley (in ARC, for a blurb): Get this one the day it comes
out (in about a year, apparently). These guys (Michael Stanley is — are? — actually Michael Sears and
Stan Trollip) write an absolutely splendid series set in Botswana and featuring a police detective named
“Kubu” Bengu, a hero I admire enormously for his intelligence, his sensitivity, and his trouble
controlling his girth (“Kubu” means “hippopatomus”). The upcoming book, DEATH OF THE
MANTIS, is the best yet, even better than A CARRION DEATH and THE SECOND DEATH OF
GOODLUCK TINUBU. It takes you not only into the complicated world of Botswana, but also into
the lives and culture of the shrinking population of Bushmen. Not a sociological or anthropological
screed, but a first-rate murder mystery that takes us someplace we’ve never been and returns us home
with something new to think about. Like all good stories do. (I’m proud to be blogmates with Stan and
Michael over at MURDER IS EVERYWHERE.)
So this has been a thriller and mystery binge. And they were all pretty good, and in some cases, much
better than that.
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7 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 139: Book Report”
Hi all,
This is costing me money in addition to adding to my TBR bookcases. Edward
Wright’s books are available with “free shipping” from The Book Depository in
England. They are fairly quick and courteous in their service. I also downloaded
“Land of Mountains” for my kindle. I may have said I was born in Haiti, as if by
accident, and did a fair amount of research for my “memoir.” It is a fascinating
country.
2. Beth Says:
The Inspector O series has a bit of a “through the looking glass” quality that fits
since the story is set in North Korea.
There is a section in which Church writes of the people as living a life in which
what one sees is the opposite of what one gets. He writes that the people line the
streets to watch the funeral of the leader and they are all laughing. So laughing is
crying, up is down, and no one can trust anything because the senses are being
tricked.
It was really interesting that shortly after the book was published Dear Leader
announced that the son who is barely out of his teens will be his successor. In the
book, the future leader is the source of the tension in the story.
Church seems prescient in his description of what the two Koreas may become
after the death of Dear Leader.
I reviewed BAMBOO AND BLOOD, a book with a few less convolutions than
this newest one.
Inspector O is a terrific character.
EVERETT, WHERE ARE YOU NOW THAT WE YOU?b
Hey, Beth — I also love the books, primarily for O himself and the picture of a
world in which truth has no meaning and everything comes down to expedience
— and expedience in an environment in which no one knows which way the wind
will be blowing in ten minutes. I never feel I get everything in the books, but this
one left me feeling farther out on the ledge than usual.
Micael — Where’s my brother Pat when I need him????
5. EverettK Says:
Micael: I’m taking a vacation. I have no need to heckle Tim when you’re doing
such a fine job!
Here’s a link to Sara Gran’s website – with picture:
http://www.saragran.com/Sara_Gran/Sara_Gran.html
Amazon.ca sells Edward Wright titles, including From Blood, but they charge $10
to ship to the US.
Liz
Li, sorry this is costing you, but I think Ed Wright is worth is. As to the TBR
shelves, well, that’s the cost of being a reader. I posted a photo of mine a month or
two back, and they look like the Library of Congress.
Everett, absolutely, put your feet up and let my brother — my own flesh and
blood — chip away at me. I’m moments away from going for pity.
Hi, Elizabeth Rose, and thanks. That’s NOT so different from the way I pictured
her. Marvelous writer. And thanks for the FROM BLOOD Amazon Canada info
— I wonder if Ed Wright knows that.
Life Sentences, Day 140: Do Not Employ
February 16th, 2011
Terms I would like the world to stop employing:
Baby bump. I mean, come on. Once, twice, okay. 111,453,875 times, no longer clever.
Babymama. AAAAARRRRRHGGGGGGGHHHHHHH
Kardashian, Snooki. ‘Nuff said.
Palestinian rage: I know the Palestinians have a lot to be enraged about, but rage seems to be their
default reaction to most things, expressed by standing very close to each other, pumping fists in the air,
and firing automatic weapons into the air. Those bullets come down, of course, and when they come
down on a woman or child, if he/she gets medical aid at all, it will almost certainly be from Jewish
doctors. Where are all the Palestinian doctors? Where’s the modern Palestinian hospital? With all the
Muslim Arab states furious at the displacement of the Palestinians, where are the billions in oil dollars
to fix roads, set up better schools, build a university and a teaching hospital? The Palestinians stand
around in the dust expressing rage while the Nobel Committee nominates the 430-somethingth Jew for
a Nobel Prize. Perhaps a more creative response is called for.
Tea Party: They’re primarily ultra-conservatives, of course, but not all, and the Tea-bagger label is too
uniform. They’ve rung a bell with a lot of moderate and even liberal voters who have come to believe
that debt is out of control and government doesn’t really need to double its scope over our lives every
eight years. It’s the “tea-baggers,” by the way, who just killed the F-35 engine program ($435 billion) .
. . in the past, weren’t the liberals the ones who called for defense cuts? I part company with the ultraright on a lot of things, but I think that some of what’s being done in Congress by the new Republican
arrivals to cut government spending speaks to the idea that the old “left” and “right” labels need
reexamination.
The media coverage of this is going to be interesting because the mainstream outlets (which are, let’s
face it, politely liberal) will have to deal with the fact that it’s conservatives who have had the guts to
vote for this cut, while the right-wing media — especially the clotted-cream-crazy end of the spectrum
led by Glenn Beck, the infinitely obnoxious Sean Hannity, and the world’s most nasal rabid dog, Mark
Levin — have never seen a military program they didn’t like. And when they argue (as they will) that
it will cost us jobs at a time America can’t afford to lose more — well, $450 billion in federal money to
create jobs? Sounds just a weensy bit like a stimulus program, and we all know those are the leading
edge of Communism.
Inappropriate: Already talked about.
No Child Left Behind: Leave some behind, already. Start teaching to the smart kids, the ones we’ll
need most as this country fumbles its way into the future, rather than to the slowest kids in the class —
often, not the dumbest, but the ones who won’t pay attention. Bring back the F. Flunk kids. They can
pay attention or stay in fourth grade. That might even attract the notice of the kids’ parents. Make it
easier for teachers to kick disruptive kids out of class and make it easier for schools to expel kids who
demonstrate over a substantial period of time behavior so disruptive that it interferes with the education
of their classmates. Re-emphasize “academic” tracks for the smartest kids. Bring back recognition of
good grades, which has been stopped cold by the misconceived notion that baseless “self esteem” is an
important component of the educational experience.
See what happens when you don’t outline? You start with one thing and end up with something
completely else.
Okay, you can all throw your bricks now.
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17 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 140: Do Not Employ”
1. EverettK Says:
I have to agree with you on all of those except the first two. “Baby bump” just
doesn’t bother me, it seems very descriptive and much less objectionable to me
than preggers. “Babymama” I just haven’t heard enough to be aware of it, I
guess. But the rest, I’m right there with you.
There’s plenty of bricks around, so I’ll just toss one:
Critical Ally I am so sick and tired of every American administration since before
the time of the dinosaurs (okay, for a couple of hundred years) making alliances
with and propping up dictators in other countries with no thought to the lives of
the people who live in those countries. If they’re not Amuricuns, they don’t count,
and as long as we can secure whatever it is we want (usually resources, sometimes
just an ally in propping up some OTHER regime who has something we want),
then it’s okay. There should be an article in our constitution that prohibits the
government from supporting governments in other countries where basic human
freedoms are not allowed and where free and open elections (honest) elections are
not held. They don’t have to become “like America,” but we shouldn’t be buddies
with countries where people can’t select their own form of government. The
recent Arab ‘unrest’ (there’s another fun term for you) is just the latest example of
the fruits of this behavior. Yes, it might make things better and easier for
‘America’ in the short term, but it ALWAYS leads to trouble down the road.
Your No Child Left Behind rant was so genius that it was read aloud at the office
and applauded.
3. Robb Royer Says:
NCLB has, along with the teachers unions completely destroyed the American
school system. When you state as a matter of policy that you’re going to re-orient
(read distort) the entire educational process solely to the benefit of the dumbest,
least interested, most disruptive kid, everybody else gets screwed in the process. I
have two kids in school in spite of my severely advanced age (this is what comes
of chasing young women around in your 40′s) and if you haven’t been inside a
public school in a while, you would be stunned. Kids are sitting around, splayed
in every direction, almost 100% of them concentrating solely on some kind of
electronic device… texting, Ipods, etc. many wearing earbuds therefore shutting
out the teacher completely. Teachers are either howling against the din like
Demosthenes or have given up completely; they mumble some make-work
assignment and pick up a newspaper.
I tried putting my 15 year old soon in public school. There was a lot of hype that
this one would be different. But when he got there I was told candidly by many of
the teachers that freshman year is a kiss-off. They expect a 70% dropout rate and
are waiting for that to happen before they get around to any serious teaching,
hopefully by the sophomore year, maybe later.
Meet the Parents night happened to be on the same night for both my son’s public
school and my daughter’s private school. The contrast was at once heartbreaking
and comical. Traversing from one to the other was like something out of Dante,
absolutely surreal.
Matt made a game effort for a couple of months, then collapsed. His grade in
history fell from 104 to 40. He’s now in private school now getting straight A’s so
far.
I don’t want to appear to be bagging on teachers. They, too, are heartbroken and
long suffering. But everyone eventually gets devoured by this idiotic system.
But something happens to a teacher when he or she leaves the classroom and
becomes involved with the union. Then it becomes a political game where the
union’s position is ‘nobody gets removed or fired.’ There ARE no incompetent
teachers and your child be damned we are going to win this.
If anyone is interested in this issue it’s absolutely imperative you see a movie
called Waiting For Superman. I also recommend you go to C-span and read about
the battle between Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey and the teachers unions.
4. Larissa Says:
Amen to leaving them behind. And while we’re at it, let them fall off of the
playground onto real dirt and gravel instead of fuming, probably toxic (even
though the label says it isn’t) polyglomerate fake asphalt squishy stuff.
Bah.
And while I can’t quite jump on board with the “Tea Party” ideas they are an
interesting bunch. I’m still so far out in left field though for most of politics and
ignorant enough that I can’t really weigh in…so I won’t. (c:
But yeah, I can’t say a loud enough praise for not teaching to the lowest common
denominator. Make the other little buggers step up their game or stay in fourth
grade as you say.
(c:
No argument here.
No bricks from here. Kids need to step up, and teachers need to do their jobs no
matter how upset they are about their situation. I really do believe teachers should
be teaching more, and polemicizing less. I know some really good ones who
despair but don’t give up. As for your other complaints, I’m not that fond of cutsie
expressions, because I really love language, and mourn its degrading. And I
always wondered why some of that oil money didn’t go to help the Palestinians.
The Middle East is a 5000 year old problem.
7. Suzanna Says:
My daughter had the benefit of both private and public education. Both learning
environments had their pluses and minuses.
Some of the brightest and best teachers at our local public high school of 3200
students have already left or are about to leave for jobs at private schools.
Our educational system has problems on a scale that are much more complex than
I can begin to understand or even pretend to be able to fix. But I am able to see
that when teachers who are highly trained, gifted, and at the ripe old age of 30 are
leaving a system that can’t afford to lose a single one of them, something is
obviously wrong.
I deeply admire any teacher who can stand before a classroom of 30 plus kids day
in and day out with the hope that they can reach the top 10%. The few students
who are able to absorb what they need to, and to put it indelicately, regurgitate
what it is they’re supposed to, on the exact timeline that is mandated by the state
are the ones who are succeeding in our current system. Standards, guidelines,
curriculum are all mapped out so forget about getting too creative in your teaching
approach. And that’s the bright side of the coin.
It is a thankless impossible job to try to reach the many students who show up
completely unprepared, who have economic, nutritional, social, and academic
challenges that no one school, or single teacher should be expected to fix. But
indeed schools and teachers are expected to deal with all of these underlying
issues, and if they don’t they are punished for it.
What is wrong with this picture???
At the same time from my years of observing the students who do excel I can say
that it is not due to any one teacher or school. These students are primarily the
extremely lucky ones. They typically are the beneficiaries of families who can and
do invest all the necessary components of making certain that their child fits into a
system that is ONE SIZE FITS ALL in its approach.
Tutors, healthy food, medical care, music lessons, dance lessons, enrichment
programs, therapists and on and on. Some of these programs are paid out of
pocket, some are hunted down by families who are interested enough to seek them
out. The resources provided by families for many of the most achievement
oriented students are extraordinary and are hugely important if your child is
college bound.
Even so there is still no guarantee that some of these well provided for students
won’t fall deeply between the cracks. I hear almost weekly about students who
have every advantage but can’t seem to get off the couch, or step away from their
computer screen, who may be addicted to drugs, have eating disorders, or are
simply deeply depressed and unmotivated.
Vocational classes, art classes, music programs that used to give students who are
not academically inclined a chance to excel have mostly dried up.
Many students are indeed flunked and discarded by their teachers and their
families, and even though it may seem like they are the ones who are benefiting
by this system please reconsider that assessment.
I say the educational system deserves a big fat F, not the students who are not
capable of fitting in to a system that does not allow for any deviation beyond the
norm.
8. Beth Says:
Unions are the reason that the just graduated niece of the mayor doesn’t replace
the teacher with 20 year’s experience and a MA plus 30 extra hours of education.
I have taught in public and private schools and there is no place like private
schools for grade inflation. Parents are spending a lot of money for tuition and in
return they expect that their children will be on the honor role; I have never had a
public school principal suggest that I “take another look” at the grade spread
before I put grades on report cards.
My daughter had a friend whose mother taught in a private school, The principal
of this school called to speak to her because school was starting in two weeks and
one of the teachers was not returning. Did my daughter want the job? The nun had
never met her. When I explained that my daughter was in law school, the principal
asked if I wanted it. No, I didn’t but I agreed to do it until they found someone.
Never in my public school experience did I have half a class come to me, as a
group, challenging the grade they got on a test. They all said that their mothers
said they had the right answers. Being experienced and not being a fool, the test
was one that came with the text book. I made a copy of the answer sheet and
suggested their mothers might like to take a look.
Discipline in a private school? Virtually non-existent when it comes to the kids
who really should be booted out the door. Every child asked to leave is a lost
tuition. More parents than you are likely to realize send their children to private
school for the discipline the kids don’t get at home. The days when priests and
nuns were in the classroom are long gone. Lay teachers don’t get the respect that
the religious did.
Much of what Susanna wrote is true. On the elementary school level, I don’t know
of one teacher who doesn’t have cereal, peanut butter and jelly, crackers, and juice
boxes in the closet for the kids who come to school without breakfast. During the
winter, those closets have hats and mittens, too. For those hours the kids are with
a teacher, the teacher is responsible for the whole child. Now, since teachers are
mandated reporters of suspected abuse, that horrifying responsibility has been
added to the to do list.
My school district, horror of horrors, has a tracking system. It begins with the
California achievement test that is given in the fourth grade. Students whose
percentiles on the various sections of the test and their IQ scores are invited to
participate in a one day pull-put program in the fifth grade. Again if they choose,
they can attend an accelerated middle-school program that allows them to begin
9th grade ready to take 10th grade courses. The high schools offer standard,
honors, and advanced courses in all subjects. Within the advanced courses, there
are those who prepare kids for the advanced placement tests that earn them
college credit.
Our system also has a vocational/technical school that offers training in auto
mechanics, carpentry, cooking,plumbing and prepares kids to be electricians. They
also have programs for students planning to go to nursing school. No matter the
program, the students take academic courses in the morning and go to the vo-tech
in the afternoon. Students from both high schools can be in this program.
Each year the high schools graduate students who go to Ivy League colleges, the
military academies, and students who will qualify soon after graduation to take
the licensing exams in any of the trades in which they trained.
Are these heaven on earth? Good Lord, no. They are public schools and as such
have to take all comers. But students can be suspended in the building or out,
depending on the infraction. Detention room duty is one of the easiest. They
actually have to do school work and the discipline is tough and enforced.
We don’t have young teachers leaving; the problem is getting science teachers to
come because the salaries aren’t competitive.
Teachers don’t discard their students. But there is nothing a teacher can do to help
a student who does not come to school. If students fail, it is because the parents
are not as involved as they need to be. Teachers do not fail students. No matter
how hard they try to convince their parents that they had no idea they were failing,
that’s a desperate try at deflecting parental wrath. The grade book is the bible; it
records test scores, homework that was past in, extra credit work, class
participation, and attendance. A teacher has to be able to back up every grade.
Without question American education has problems but they will not be solved
until parents stop blaming teachers and look to their own involvement in their
children’s educational development.
Hi, Everybody, and thanks for jumping right in.
Everett, what I hate about “babymama,” which is used to refer to the unmarried
mothers of swaggering jerks’ babies, is that it implies that it’s the swaggering jerk
who matters and the “babymama” is just the vagina/ovaries system that was lucky
enough to be picked out of the crowd. Actually, the whole mindset makes me
ABSOLUTELY CRAZY because, as we know, one of the things that’s wrong with
the schools is that they’re full of kids from fractional, impoverished one-parent
“families” who don’t or can’t get involved on any level in their kids’ education.
The idea of a “babymama” — someone who sits at home with the illegitimate kid
while Mr. Cool hangs with the bros — is one perspective on that ongoing
American tragedy.
And I agree 100% on “Critical Ally.” So many of them are failed states propped
up by our money and governed by people whose primary interest is pocketing our
money. Still, if Egypt goes fundamentalist Islamic, I will expect the president (the
one I voted for) to step down for being the least effective foreign-policy leader
since Jimmy Carter.
Rachel — Glad you all enjoyed it. It’s been a disastrous policy and, of course, it’s
not one that was formulated by teachers. Teachers get blamed for things over
which they have no control, but teachers’ unions are dreadful organizations.
Robb — When you realize that 40-50 years ago, the United States had one of the
best public education systems in the world and we now routinely rank in the lower
50% in terms of what skills our “graduates” possess, it’s a tragedy of potentially
global proportions. And the liberals and conservatives are equally guilty. I’m
going to rant about this at greater length for tomorrow, I think, but what you have
now is a failed system that’s been absolutely destroyed by a perfect storm of
political, ideological, pedagogical, social, and economic factors, and it’s turned
into a self-defensive armored camp, with the teachers’ unions in the lead.
Heartbreaking is right. So glad you got your kids somewhere where they actually
have a chance to learn.
Riss, thanks for the agreement, and I agree back at you: let the little buggers fall
on dirt (or sand, remember sand?) instead of spending a fortune on fancy
carcinogenics when the money could have been spent on — oh, I don’t know.
Textbooks?
Lil, the Palestinians have had a really raw deal, and their Arab brothers have made
cynical use of it to define their instinctive anti-Israel stance. But they don’t seem
to put their petrodollars where their mouths are, nor, to be fair, do the Palestinians
seem to have any map to the future other than destroying Israel and living in its
ruins so that eventually the entire area is a slum. Anybody want to estimate how
long those amazing Israeli hospitals would remain functional after a Palestinian
takeover?
Suzanna, I think teachers are 90% of what’s right about American public
education and about 40% of what’s wrong, and that 40% comes primarily from
the influence of their unions. The entire stance is is flawed: resist any kind of
reform that will have any negative effect whatsoever on even the very worst
teachers. Stick with idiotic ideas like “Last hired first fired” because teachers with
seniority are in leadership positions in the unions. Somebody really needs to drive
a truck over Randi Weingarten, if only to shake things up.
The public education system is failing but it’s not beyond repair. It’ll just take
courage and vision and the willingness to gut the old hard-liners who resist any
change whatsoever because it threatens their pensions.
10.Bonnie Says:
Well, first to add to the list: my current pet peeves are these weird Madison
Avenue redundancies: fire-grilled, oven-baked, and perhaps the worst: handcrafted.
As for schools, I really liked the Austrian school system when I was living there.
There was a realistic division at about the onset of adolescence among folks who
were more capable of becoming hairdressers, waiters, or plumbers and those who
had university degrees in their future. School AND apprenticeships helped to give
kids who were not suited to academia a solid grounding in their future career. The
only thing I disliked about the system was that it was too hard for someone who
had ended up on the wrong path (late bloomers, etc.) to switch over, should such a
thing be necessary.
And now, completely off topic, I’m a bit stunned today because a member of my
biggest web client (an attorney association), a 65-year-old family law attorney
(who apart from everything else was in a wheelchair), was shot and killed
yesterday, along with her client. The client’s husband, who was the shooter, then
holed out at home and shot himself. He was 71.
I’m not joking when I tell people who are innocently trying to help a friend or
relative through a divorce that these folks should generally be treated as though
they are temporarily insane. Though I’m not aware of any studies, anecdotally I
think family law attorneys are assaulted/battered/killed more frequently than any
other kind, and in Sacramento, before we got our shiny new family law/probate
court, the 3rd floor of the main courthouse had its only weapons-check stations on
the third floor: criminal and family courtrooms. We are all here partly because we
enjoy reading mysteries and take lots of fictional dead bodies in our stride. But if
you really stop and think how truly fucked up you must be emotionally to
deliberately set out to shoot someone dead–including someone you’ve been living
with for decades, with whom you have children and maybe even grandchildren…
it just clogs up my brain.
I’m not a religious person, but I’m thinking hard, maybe even sending vibes, to
Judy Soley, her widower, her daughter, and really everyone in the Fresno
community who has to deal with such a tragic and unnecessary “solution” to
someone’s mental anguish.
11.Bonnie Says:
Ah, and unions.
I think unions are like tonsils. They’re supposed to protect you from the bad guys,
but at some time they go over to the dark side.
Ideologically it really goes against the grain to blame unions, which at one time
were lifesavers for the working poor who had NO bargaining power. But I know
they’ve become either mob-infested or like every other kind of bureaucracy,
expanding into malignant heads on tiny bodies. Laughably, too, as more and more
jobs are outsourced to places with wages our teens would reject as weekly
allowances, they are becoming as obsolete as an appendix.
Sorry about the body parts. Must be my mood.
In any event, I hear a lot of talk, especially from political candidates while
campaigning, paying lip service to schools and teachers. In real life, no one seems
to give a crap, they don’t have money to throw at lobbyists, and the average voter
is suspicious of intellectual achievement anyway.
One of the most tired, overused chestnuts of campaigning politicians is that
America should be run more like a business. But that’s exactly what’s wrong with
it the way it works now. People who run corporations don’t even have 4 years to
please the stockholders; they have to try to please them EVERY QUARTER!
Good luck delaying gratification for the greater long-term good.
Oh God, Bonnie-how awful. Every once in a while, life reflects what we read, and
it is shocking. Not so neat with all the loose ends tied up, is it. So sorry.
13.Larissa Says:
Bonnie-When my mom was going through the divorce with my dad our Family
Practice Attorney was in a wheelchair due to one of her former clients going crazy
on her after the divorce was finalized.
The fact that she still practiced was a sign of some level of devotion, obstinance or
life-calling that I both envied and still don’t fully understand.
Send those vibes! They can make a difference. (c:
Also, perhaps, proof that no matter what we do to insulate our children from
things, you can’t counteract or plan for crazy.
Beth, I agree with almost everything you say. I will say that there are good public
schools and good private schools, and bad instance of both, too. Sounds like your
experience was with a bad one.
Unions were a powerful force in the bad old days, but they’ve turned into
corporations themselves — as corrupt and dishonest as any big company. They
exist at this point (in my opinion) in part to protect the salaries and benefits of
their leadership, and they do that by appealing to the fears of their membership.
ANY reform is a threat to teachers, as far as Randi Weingarten is concerned.
Here’s the bottom line, as far as I’m ocncerned. The unions have opposed
virtually every single attempt to establish a rubric to measure teacher
effectiveness, but it’s a purely negative position. Not ONCE have they proposed
an acceptable plan to accomplish something that needs to be done — find a way
to weed out the clueless, the talentless, the terminally burned out. This reaches
Kafkaesque proportions in New York, where hundreds of teachers who have been
removed from the classroom sit in “rubber rooms” where they’re sealed off from
students and effectively doing nothing as they collect full pay.
New York, like other states, like the nation, is in the hole financially. Here in
California 40% of our entire state budget goes to education K-14 education, and
the system has been in free fall for decades. Now we’re being told that reform and
cost-cutting are impossible in a budget item that claims forty cents out of every
tax dollar? I don’t think so.
No, I’m not even close to blaming teachers for everything that’s wrong in the
schools. Terrible administration, lack of clarity about the mission, weathervane
policies influenced by changing presidential administrations and departments of
education, social issues in the communities schools serve, parents who are
uneducated themselves and/or barely involved in their children’s lives, enormous
numbers (here in the West, anyway) of undocumented immigrant kids who speak
no English and are often pulled out of one school and then dropped into another
just as they start to find their footing, and the general governmental tendency to
bloat every single thing it touches, and to bloat it from the top down — all these
factors and a dozen more have screwed up our schools. I WILL write more about
this in the next day or so.
Bonnie — What a tragedy. It never occurred to me, I’m ashamed to say, that
family practice was probably the most dangerous kind of law — I fell for the
image of the crusading prosecutor, fearlessly taking on the deadliest members of
society. All sympathy to your friend and client and her family. It’s also interesting
to think about the ages of the divorcing couple, whom many would probably
suppose to be beyond the age of raw passion and at least somewhat wiser from
long living.
15.Bonnie Says:
You’d think. This was not a first marriage, it is being revealed, and he had pistolwhipped a prior wife. The current wife had filed restraining orders against him at
various times, too. He’s cited as saying he was afraid he would “lose everything”
but had already raised over $900,000 from a loan he took out after forging the
wife’s signature on a deed to their home, so that home, if it had been awarded to
her, would already have been upside down. Fictional villain, real-life villain:
there’s a pattern of blaming others for results of own bad acts. Perhaps a segué
from the “god forbid you should hurt the child’s self-esteem by any form of
criticism” anti-today’s teacher rant, but given he was 71, I doubt he had that kind
of education.
One of J.D. Robb’s most chilling stories (and this is a spoiler so don’t keep
reading if you haven’t but might want to read) is based on a father’s revenge for
“losing” his wife and children in a divorce–he was of course entirely justified in
terrorizing and abusing them. See Survivor in Death. My own former boss, when I
first practiced family law, said he spent a couple of years ensuring the wall was at
his back whenever he was in a public place because his client’s husband (a former
Marine and apparently a very scary guy) threatened to kill him.
16.Beth Says:
Tim, how to you create a rubric when the variables change constantly? A standard
level class on the high school level can have students for whom English is a
second language, kids who are in and out of Department of Youth Services care,
kids who are homeless, kids whose parents are junkies, and kids for who the
standard level is a realistic placement in terms of ability?
How do you have a statewide guideline that addresses teacher effectiveness when
there are standard, honors, and advanced classes in all the subjects.
Oddly, the teachers who work with kids who are mentally handicapped, kids with
Down’s Syndrome or kids with brain injuries, of kids with personality disorders
have the easier jobs because the kids are never judged in relation to the other kids
in the class. I’ve had experience in these settings and they are fun because every
day someone has a victory.
Beth, I didn’t say it was easy, but that’s not the same thing as its being impossible.
I’m less worried about teachers here than I am about kids getting crappy
educations. The teaching unions are all about teachers and give virtually no
thought to kids. A union official was recently quoted as saying, after a meeting
with Dept of Ed people, “We don’t usually consider the student impact of our
policy decisions.”
As someone who’s not sufficiently arrogant to think he can solve the problem
single-handed, I think one way to approach it is to test the individual student
against his prior performance. Whether the student is challenged or highachievement, how much is he learning this year as opposed to last year? This
basic approach was recently suggested to a chorus of outraged howls from the
unions.
So, let me back up. Teachers are on the short end of the stick. They’ve been
beaten down, treated like pack animals, had conflicting and often insane teaching
strategies and priorities forced down their throats, been drowned in minutia like
the collection of reams of meaningless date, had to cope with kids who come from
uneducated, dysfunctional or fractional families, stuck with classes in which as
many as half the students don’t speak English – and on and on and on. I wasn’t
just spouting when I said that teachers were 90% or what was right about public
education.
But they’re not sacrosanct, either. And their unions, which (if they were doing
their jobs) would be using their collective clout and lobbying dollars to fight some
of the problems above) reflexively protect even the worst teachers. A situation like
New York’s is just insane. Here in California, we have more than 1000 teachers
who have been removed from the classroom and whose total job is to phone in at
7 AM to learn they’re not needed. In exchange for that they receive their full
salaries and (like their rubber-room colleagues in New York) qualify for their full
pension. On the public’s back.
There’s a workable rubrik out there. It may not be perfect, but things are so far
from perfect already that it would be suicidal not to try to make something work.
We owe it to kids, and we also owe it to good teachers, to find models that work
better while we also address some of the other problems. Good teachers deserve a
better workplace and deserve not to inherit kids who have been allowed to
vegetate or even go backwards in classrooms run by burnouts and incompetents.
Life Sentences, Day 141: Zero Tolerance
February 18th, 2011
What does “zero tolerance” really mean?
As long as we’re talking about schools, I thought we might talk about one of today’s true scourges:
zero tolerance.
In the past year, children have been suspended from various schools for:
Bringing a squirt gun to school.
Making a drawing of a squirt gun in school. (The cartoon above refers to a real case.)
Being found in possession of a butter knife.
Having four Midol in a backpack to alleviate cramps.
Bringing interesting rocks to school to share with the class as part of a geology lesson.
And, to take the butter knife thing a bit further, Amber Dauge, a tenth-grader in Charleston, South
Carolina, was EXPELLED when she was caught using a butter knife to, well, spread butter on bread.
Her explanation — that the school’s plastic knives broke because the butter was too hard — was
rejected as transparently self-serving, and she was expelled. Not suspended, expelled.
In Longmont, Colorado, a fifth-grader named Shannon Cosiet discovered that her mother had put a
table knife in her backpack to cut an apple with. She went to the vice-principal to turn it in. She was
expelled. Not praised for being honest, not reprimanded, not suspended. Expelled.
I’m picking on the schools because we’ve been talking about them. But virtually once a week we read
about some act of maniacal stupidity committed by the minimum-wage/maximum-power boys and girls
of the TSA. A woman was recently thrown off a flight because she had bought a toy solder for her son,
and it was holding a rifle. The soldier was four inches high, the rifle was less than in inch long, it was
made of solid plastic, and it couldn’t be removed from the soldier’s shoulder. So even if the woman had
wanted to use a three-quarters-of-an-inch-long, solid plastic rifle to menace the stewardess or stir her
martini, she couldn’t have.
Denied boarding. Zero tolerance.
Zero tolerance is a vile precept, not only because it results in actions that defy analysis, but also
because it’s based in a fundamental assumption that the people who have been assigned to enforce the
rules are all idiots. They’re incapable of making a judgment call. Left to their own devices, a school
official might decide that it’s okay for a third-grader to possess a hypodermic, a bag of powder, and a
bent spoon, and a TSA enforcer might decide that the Middle Eastern man with C-4 strapped to his
body has kind eyes and allow him on the plane.
Because their superiors have no faith in their intelligence and — what was that term people used to
use? Oh, right, common sense – these people are deprived of the right to exercise judgment. So they
ignore the evidence of their eyes and intellect and press hard on someone’s colostomy bag and/or urine
receptacle (I’m not making this up) and the passenger, humiliated and stinking, is finally allowed to
board the plane. Another blow for freedom and National Security.
So what this means is that the people we’re entrusting to educate our kids and keep the country safe
from terrorism are too dumb to know that you can’t shoot someone with a tiny plastic rifle and that
Midol is not a controlled substance.
Well, then, why don’t we get some people who aren’t that dumb? Or — here’s a sweeping concept –
once we’ve decided someone is qualified for a job, why not let him or her actually do it?
Even more revolutionary. Let’s declare a fifteen-year moratorium on admitting any more lawyers to
the bar, anywhere in the country. Ultimately, this is a lawyer issue. As this society has come to the
widespread realization that the best way to get rich is to sue someone, every misstep, however
seemingly minor, has become a handhold for a trillion-dollar lawsuit. We need fewer lawyers to take
them on and fewer judges to put them on the docket. Maybe we need zero tolerance for any lawyer
who repeatedly takes on what used to be called baseless or frivolous lawsuits.
That’s a use of zero tolerance I could support.
This entry was posted on Friday, February 18th, 2011 at 10:48 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
19 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 141: Zero Tolerance”
1. Bonnie Says:
You really can’t have it both ways–who is going to fight this sort of thing if there
aren’t any lawyers?
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wpdyn/content/article/2009/06/25/AR2009062501690.html
2. Trevel Says:
I suggest a zero-tolerance policy against teachers and principles.
After making a decision like those listed above, they should be barred from
working in the education industry ever again.
3. Beth Says:
First the teachers, now the lawyers.
Isn’t there a problem here with generalizations?
Most teachers do their best everyday, spend hours attempting to come up with
something that might capture interest and imagination, and buy necessities for the
classroom like paper, pencils, chalk, etc. with their own money because the
amount allocated for each teacher doesn’t cover supplies beyond the end of
September. But they are still vilified. (And they do not get paid for not working
during the summer; they opt to be paid 26 weeks rather than 22).
My daughter is a lawyer, one of those people everyone wants to hate. She makes
enough money to keep her head above water. She does not work for a firm in
which attorneys have to submit minimum numbers of billable hours. So she gets a
salary. She loves the work she does but she knows she will never work for one
firm throughout her professional life. Are you aware that legal services are
outsourced? The research done on your case may well have been done in India.
Young lawyers, like young doctors, do not have large salaries in their futures.
She decided to be a lawyer because she thought she should do something
worthwhile with her life. And, despite the constant comments that label her as a
crook, a thief, and a liar, she has never thought of getting a job at Whole Foods
where she might get some respect.
Your fortunate that in your varied career, having had to sign a few contacts over
the years, that you have never needed a lawyer to represent you.
If you have used the services of an attorney, then the rant is a bit disingenuous.
Everybody hates lawyers until they need one.
Ohmigod, I’ve offended everyone except Trevel, and he doesn’t think I’ve gone
far enough.
Okay, to respond in order.
Bonnie, I knew that would bring you out swinging. I am not SERIOUSLY
proposing that we stop admitting lawyers to the bar for fifteen years. I do wish,
however, that the profession would do something to self-regulate its members
who get rich by specializing in taking idiot lawsuits on a contingency basis and
winning idiot rulings that contribute to the zero-tolerance atmosphere. You know
as well as I do that there are more than a few lawyers are little better than
ambulance chasers who will pursue basically any case, even the most outrageous,
if it might put them in a position to pick up a fat percentage of a big settlement.
Just as there are judges who will agree to hear any suit, even the ones brought by
the “victims” who drank the lemon-scented dishwashing detergent. Which, by the
way, was labeled, “For the cleanest dishes EVER.”
Beth, I’m actually disappointed in your reaction. I never condemned teachers out
of hand. I went far out of my way to put into perspective the problems teachers
face and the unrealistic expectations we impose on them. I said, not once but
twice, that teachers are 90% of what’s right with American public education. I’d
say it all again now, but I don’t think it would make any difference. And I’m also
a little bit surprised that you took the last paragraph of the zero-tolerance rant so
seriously. It’s so transparently impossible that I thought people would see it
immediately for what it was, which was blowing smoke. On the other hand, I
meant every word I said about zero tolerance as being an official manifestation of
distrust of the people who are supposed to be making judgment calls (and that
certainly includes teachers) and I also meant what I said about the failure of the
teachers’ unions to take on the things that really make teaching an almost
impossible profession, choosing instead to declare teachers as a whole
professionally sacrosanct and individually untouchable.
One more time: I think teachers are responsible for 90% of what’s right with the
American public education system. That means the rest of the world gets to divide
up ten percent of the credit.
5. Bonnie Says:
It’s a wonder anyone still wants to be a teacher, between the crummy pay and the
lack of respect (not to mention endangering your physical safety) But I think you
left out something very important, which is that as a culture we don’t value
intellect or logical reasoning. Heck, we like presidents who seem to be idiots. It
doesn’t make us feel so threatened.
As far as the lawyers, it’s easy to blame them, but they don’t make the law. If they
are lucky, they come up with a new way to interpret it that can force the law to
change. See Loving v Virginia or its California equivalent, Perez v Sharp (finding
ban on interracial marriage unconstitutional). Tort liability is a complex mixture
of black letter law, public policy, insurance and other coroproate lobbying, and
specific facts and interpretation of what they mean (including the credibility of the
witnesses testifying to them), a job shared by a both judge and jury. It’s easy to
target the attorneys when there is an outcome that appears at least from the outside
to be absurd or unfair, but the truth is, as is often the case, complex, and the whole
system of civil and criminal justice we utilize is designed to continually test the
“edges.”
And just because some bureaucratic pinhead decided to throw the baby out with
the bathwater doesn’t mean it was a reasoned legal decision.
But you knew that.
Everett wouldn’t categorically condemn lawyers and teachers. Your bro’ Micael
P.S.Rob agrees
7. Dana King Says:
I agree; generalizations are dangerous. That’s where lawyers get an unfair rap,
because 95% give the rest a bad name.
8. Suzanna Says:
Offend away.
Morgan’s just glad he isn’t the lone target of my long winded rants.
I love the controversy. Please don’t stop sticking your neck out here and I promise
I won’t withhold my hurling proverbial bricks, k?
9. Beth Says:
Tim,people who post opinions on any forum that is available to the public cannot,
in this climate, afford to be facetious or a bomb tosser.
Seventy percent of Republicans who say they will vote in the primaries believe
that Obama was born in Kenya and he is a Muslim. I saw an interview George
Stephanopoulos had with Michelle Bachman in which he asked her repeatedly to
say that she knows that the president was born in the US and is a Christian. She
refused, danced around the issue. Fox News is the sole source of information for
most of the people in this country. They have admitted that they are not a news
organization and they are the publicity arm of the Republican party.People don’t
hear that. There was an article in an online magazine that was entitled, “Don’t
These People Have Grandparents?” The author was saying his grandparents listen
to Fox all day, an organization that convinces listeners they are living in the end
times.
I know people who would agree with you that there should be no new lawyers and
the ones in practice now should just be allowed to die off. I am related to some of
these people, God help me. I have two brothers and a sister who have completely
forgotten who they are.
Every parent whose child did not get into the one of the top twenty five colleges
in the country blames the teacher. It has to be someone’s fault and it can’t be the
fault of their child because then it would be the fault of the parents.
One of the Boston newspapers had an article today about a group of men who are
calling themselves the Patriots (creative). According to their leadership, women
and children are going to be stolen and hidden away so that the government can
control the men. Did anyone believe that? Of course, it was in the paper.
The problem with words is that no one has any control over how they are heard.
Back to teachers – the greatest difficulty teachers have is dealing with parents who
will not see that their darlings just might not be quite the people they think they
are. Two months into my first year teaching, I swore that I would never say, “My
child would never do that.”
10.EverettK Says:
Micael: Naw, I’m married to a teacher, and my cousin is a lawyer. So I know
some of them are decent folks. Just like some artists…
Okay, I hear you.
No more facetious content. That’s the main problem with the world anyway. No
one takes it seriously enough.
In fact, no more content at all. Tomorrow’s post will set the new tone.
Aw, Tim, say it isn’t so. These are really hot button issues, and, unfortunately, the
good teachers and lawyers get lost in the process. I have known some good ones
in both professions, and some of my favorite people are teachers and lawyers. But
I tend to gravitate toward the good guys, and their frustration with poor teachers,
entitled parents, and unreasonable clients is huge. I do think there are many folks
who out for the brass ring who don’t want to work for it; and I agree with the
posts that mourn the ignorance and ugliness that is saturating our culture. Many of
those people do not expect their children to work for grades. I work with people
whose ex-spouses fight with attorneys when they are advised to settle.
Fortunately, there are a few of us left with ethics and integrity. Peace, please.
13.micael hallinan Says:
I agree with Suzanna; offend away. I,m tired of luke warm opinions..Any strong
statement is bound to offend someone. Often political correctness is a self
enforced form of censorship. Stir the pot Tim. Look at all the responses.
14.Debbi Says:
I know I’m weighing in a bit late on this, but I just wanted to add a few more
thoughts. I’m trying to remember if I already posted this link. If not, in defense of
the teachers, I offer this: http://teachbad.com/
Both of my in-laws were teachers who worked VERY hard after hours, grading
papers, creating lesson plans and so on.
As for the lawyers … ahem! … we’re really not ALL complete douches … honest
…
No, no, no. I’ve learned my lesson.
No more facetiousness. No more controversy.
A new day in the life of this blog will dawn tomorrow. The keyword will be
unimpeachable. No issues, no arguments, no hurt feelings, no more of me
apparently failing to communicate the fact that I do not dislike teachers and, as
I’ve now said two — no, three times, I think they’re responsible of 90% of
everything that’s right about American public education. I just don’t think they
should have uniquely protected status that protects the minority among them who
are useless, uninspiring, and ineffective. That’s not fair to the good teachers.
None of that was facetious, but that’s the last you’ll hear of it. No more issues.
Tomorrow we begin again.
You’re being facetious, right?
17.Larissa Says:
I certainly hope so. Part of the beauty of having a blog is that you can decide the
content-hurt feelings usually stem from an overly sensitive ego…and, before I go
and piss anyone off, I’m not even coming close to referring to anyone who posts
here.
While I don’t always agree with some of the comments that get thrown up here, I
come back to read them anyway-sometimes because you get to see what gets
people fired up and thinking and using English the way it was supposed to be
used-to express a coherent, valid and well thought out argument.
Anyway-that’s it. I’m going to go join the future now to see what’s actually
happened.
But there’s my retroactive two cents.
18.Jaden Says:
Maybe I’m just weird, but I didn’t read this as a rant against teachers or even
lawyers. I thought the last part (about the lawyers) was about a specific sub-group
of lawyers that will sue anyone for anything, anytime, regardless of how stupid it
is. The rest, I thought was about how “zero tolerance” policies cause as much or
more harm as they prevent.
Take the sexual harassment laws. Anyone can make a complaint, even when the
person accused has clearly done NOTHING wrong and never intended anything
sexual. But the law is written in such a way that the “victim’s” perception of
inappropriateness trumps the actual actions of the accused. This sort of thing
trivializes the experiences of people who really ARE exploited and harassed.
When we treat a butter knife with the same horror as we would treat a machine
gun, we have a serious problem.
Keep up the good work, Tim.
Hi, Jaden, Riss, Laren — Well, this is many days (and a long, emotional journey)
later, and as you’ve seen by now, the blog has changed radically and, I dare say,
for the better.
I appreciate the support from all three of you and I agree that the intent of the
original post wasn’t to demonize any professions. But these days, one can’t be too
careful. Especially where teachers are concerned because, as I might have written
before my enlightenment, millions of wonderful teachers who deserve all the
support we can give them are represented by a small number of zealots who (a)
don’t want to lose their jobs, (b) enjoy the exercise of power, and (c) want to
create the only vocation in America that’s completely free from performance
evaluation. Even the blowhards we elect to office are submitted to job evaluation
when election time rolls around.
But I wouldn’t write that now. I know better.
Life Sentences, Day 142: The Totally Inoffensive Story of Purrty the Pretty Kitty and the Bright Little
Bluebird
February 18th, 2011
Okay, I’m through having line drives hit at me. Let’s see anyone get mad at this one. No more
facetiousness.
Not very long ago, in a perfectly safe, racially balanced, mostly union neighborhood not far from where
YOU live there was a cat.
Purrty wasn’t a real cat. She was a stuffed cat. Her little girl, Ashley, wasn’t so little any more and had
left home to go to college, where she was studying either to be a lawyer or a teacher, or perhaps both at
the same time. So now the room where Ashley had played constructive learning games with Purrty was
empty except for a judicious selection of multicultural pictures and a PBS calendar on the wall, along
with Ashley’s bed, its frame of renewable bamboo and its mattress of memory foam made from
recycled plastic bottles scooped out of the Pacific Gyre.
And Purrty, the only stuffed toy left from Ashley’s childhood, was lonely. Nobody ever came to see her
except a little bluebird that landed on her windowsill each day, just inches from where Purrty sat at the
end of Ashley’s empty bed. Purrty waited for the bluebird every day, and every time the bluebird
landed it gave her a quick, nervous glance,which Purrty knew was caused by instinctive stereotyping,
profiling, if you will. She knew that what the bluebird thought every day when he first saw Purrty was,
Cats eat birds.
But Purrty didn’t blame the bluebird for that. She knew, after all, that some birds had been eaten by
some cats. So whenever the bluebird landed, Purrty did her best to stretch her hand-sewn mouth into
the friendliest smile she could manage, and she struggled to overcome her shyness.
One day, she was so lonely she couldn’t help it. She said, “Hello.”
The bluebird gave a little jump and flutter, and when it landed it was at the far end of the windowsill. It
cocked its little blue head at Purrty, looking at her first out of one eye and then the other. Then it said,
“Mmmmm-mmmmm. Talking cat. No, thanks,” and it started to spread its wings.
“Wait,” Purrty said desperately. ”I’m not a real cat.”
The bluebird stopped but kept its closer eye on her.
“I’m a stuffed cat,” Purrty said, “Real cats have mange and fleas and can get ticks that cause dread
Lyme Disease and they have claws and teeth and sometimes inadvertently give children unwanted
lessons in the mechanics of reproduction. I’m The Safer Alternative™ and my name is Purrty© the
Pretty Kitty.”
The bird hadn’t left, so Purrty continued, eagerly stumbling over her words. ”I’m covered in organic
fair-trade Egyptian cotton from a collective that donates one-third of its proceeds to a foundation that
fixes harelips in animals of many species, and I’m stuffed with Guusdown®, a hypoallergenic Natural
Fluff made from hemp plants from which the THC has been pre-extracted. The buttons that form my
eyes have been certified by the American Pediatric Association as No-Go-Down™, which means
they’re too large to be swallowed by a child under the age of four.”
“And you don’t eat birds,” the bluebird said.
Purrty said, “Oh, no. I’m a Vegan.”
The bluebird said, “Well what do you know.”
“Not much,” Purrty said. ”Nothing really happens here, and –”
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” the bluebird said. ”Just a figure of speech.” And it took exactly one hop closer to
Purrty.
“You’re so pretty,” Purrty said. ”How did you get to be such a beautiful color?”
“Long story short,” said the bluebird, “my ancestors were dinosaurs, ate pretty much everything in
sight for a couple of hundred thousand years until the Brotherhood of the Fat and Slow filed a brief
with the Creator, claiming we had unfair adaptive advantages. The Creator decided against us and
heaved an astronomical hardball at the Caribbean that cooled things off until the biggest of us died.
Those of us who were left, all peewees, had our scales and teeth confiscated under a Zero Tolerance
policy and were assigned a maximum size. Everybody was so busy thinking about our teeth that they
weren’t paying attention to our arms, and they didn’t object when we formed a bargaining collective to
have them turn into these.” The bluebird spread his wings.
“What a happy ending!” Purrty exclaimed, using one of her allotment of enthusiastic exclamation
points and wishing she could clap her little front paws together.
“It ain’t over till it’s over,” said the Bluebird. ”Now the Society for the Advancement of Those That
Crawl On Their Belly Like a Reptile have filed a lawsuit. Just envy, if you ask me.”
“I’m sure they have a valid point of view,” Purrty said.
The two new friends smiled at each other and agreed to agree. Then — suddenly — there was
something or someone else on the windowsill, a little fat plump slightly overweight plus-size boy made
of something white and puffy. ”Hi,” he said cheerily, stubbing his thumb into his chest and leaving a
powdery dent. ”I’m Marty® the Marshmallow Boy©™®, and I’m mighty pleased to meetcha!.”
Maybe to be continued tomorrow. Or perhaps we’ll go straight to “Pillow Fighting for Freedom: The
Soft Revolution.”
your own site.
16 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 142: The Totally Inoffensive Story
of Purrty the Pretty Kitty and the Bright Little Bluebird”
1. Dana King Says:
I am shocked–shocked!!–to see the only male in the story depicted as a soft,
malleable, “marshmallow.” What kind of symbolism is this to show to young
minds still seeking their place in the world, to advocate they have no backbone?
This is just the type of man who will abandon families, fail to meet financial
obligations, and stick to your teeth after burning the inside of your mouth.
Shame.
2. EverettK Says:
Ah, ya Gawdam Bleeding Heart Liberal™®, whynchya get a real job and do
something productive, earn yer right to pump air?
By the way, loved the way you brought in the “exclamation point” proclamation
from DorothyL. I’m just surprised that one of the characters wasn’t a potty mouth.
(Oops, some folks hate the phrase “potty mouth,” sorry! Oops, there goes my
allotment of exciting punctuation. Sigh.)
THAT,S MORE LIKE IT! Keep up the good work.
Marshmallow boy? Anyone we know?
5. Suzanna Says:
Oh, Timmy, you’re such a kidder. Now, can the real Tim please come out to play?
Although I’ve had a great laugh at this, the real Tim is fine with me because he is
well, “real.” Do you think politically correct fairy tales are your future? I hope
not. Well, maybe. BTW, just finished “Everything but the Squeal” (review
posted), and jumped when I saw the first F-bomb on the page. I calmed down
after that-too much going on to worry about language. Gentle irony-Simeon’s
thought that computers will never replace phone calls, and hand written letters.
Look what twenty years has wrought.
Well, this is better. Even my brother likes it.
And those of you who don’t like it, don’t not like it very much, if you follow me.
MUCH better than the blaze of hatred that followed ZERO TOLERANCE.
Dana, I’m just doing my best to overcome centuries of gender injustice in
children’s stories. I know you actually understand. Purrty may be a stuffed cat, but
she’s a stuffed cat who’s a strong woman character, with a clear sense of what she
believes in.
Everett, DorothyL has had a formative influence on my prose style, although I
must admit some surprise at your use of the term “potty mouth.” Surely “rest
room mouth” would have made the point.
Thank you, Mikey. Approval at last.
Laren, yes, but identifying him would be a negative thing to do. Just thinking of it
makes me want to light some incense.
Suzanna and Lil, I appreciate your support, but that Tim is no more. He had a
blinding vision on the Road to Damascus, and now I look with pity upon the old
Tim and All His Works.
No, this is the road of the future. I’ll describe it in much more detail tomorrow.
8. Suzanna Says:
Oh, dear.
I am now deeply offended that the Old Tim has been transformed by a random
vision.
I have high hopes that the Real Old, ahem, the Old Tim will be back when he
returns from Damascus.
Susanna- Love your comment. I think you meant the Old Real Tim will return
from Damascus. Wasn’t there someone who said “I may not agree with your
statement, but I will fight to the death your right to say it?” Maybe I’m just
waterlogged. it’s been raining for five days, and more is on the way. Hopefully,
this doesn’t bleed into your books, Tim.
Ohhh . . . .
What do I do now????
I’m trying not to offend but I’ve offended. What a dilemma.
Whaddya mean, real old?
Wait until tomorrow’s post. I’m sure you’ll like the direction I’m taking.
And there is no return from Damascus.
11.greg smith Says:
Hey, I have a sneaking suspicion that the whole Kitty, Birdie, Marshmallow thing
was, in fact, facetious and I think I’m deeply offended.
Problem is, I’m not sure if you were serious or not so I’m not sure how I feel –
except tricked. So if you thought you were going to get out of the mess you stirred
up by pretending to be contrite and reformed, you have another think coming.
I have every right to be offended by the way I choose to interpret whatever you
say, and I recommend you wipe that tone of voice off your face.
I haven’t been this mad since the day I heard Shakespeare said we should get rid
of all the lawyers. I haven’t actually read any of his confusing works but I did
check this fact on Snopes.
So smarty pants, I hope you now understand that there is no room for controversy
in this public forum. You might confuse more people and we all know where that
will lead – to more controversy. I personally don’t keep company with people who
don’t agree with me. I know what’s what and I’m not about to change my mind.
Have a nice day!
Um Um Um Um Um Um. What to do? What to do? Is there no way to leave only
happy people in my wake? All I want is to be a butterfly, leaving a little sweetness
behind.
All I can say is, if you think I’m being facetious I’ve failed miserably. It’s a good
thing my house is only two stories high or you would have heard the last of me.
Tomorrow, you’ll see the master plan for this site in the future. I like to think it
will be a digital rainbow with gold at both ends, lighting the sky with color and
blessing all those who are fortunate enough to see it, without offending those who
prefer sunny weather.
Together, I’m sure we can do it.
As the Japanese would say, LET’S NICE!
13.Debbi Says:
Funny. No one’s ever accused me of being overly PC before. lol
14.Larissa Says:
You’re my hero. (c:
15.Jaden Says:
This is what I get for reading the posts backwards. I feel somehow that I may
never get to read the end of this remarkable tale. How can I go on without
knowing the fate of Purrty the Cat, the bluebird, and the Marshmallow Boy?
Debbi — CONGRATULATIONS for making it into Amazon’s Top 100 paid
Kindle downloads with LEAST WANTED. Great news.
Riss and Jaden, respectively: thanks for the adulation (I get little enough of it),
and the ending of Purrty’s story is waiting in the wings, although it keeps being
shouldered aside by something even more wonderful. One tip: the Marshmallow
Boy isn’t all he seems to be.
Life Is Wonderful, Day 143: The Road Ahead
February 19th, 2011
“Pillow Fighting for Freedom” has been postponed because the committee isn’t finished reviewing it.
In its place, I thought I might pass by you some of the topics I’m developing for the next few weeks.
Please feel free to respond, choose one or two, or suggest others — but remember, all suggestions will
be reviewed by the committee.
Here we go:
“The Mild Adventures of Tucky the Squirrel” – Currently on hold due to an interspecies squabble
that one species wins. Will be available shortly, I think.
“Koans From the Heart” – Short sentences that don’t seem to mean anything
at first, but when you think about them they lead you in the direction of wholesome, appropriate love.
“Isn’t Life Funny? Only If We’re Careful” A reformed humorist looks back on the wreckage of his
life.
BOOK REVIEW: “We Shall Speak Sharply to Them On the Beaches, We Shall Speak Sharply to
Them on the Seas” Winston Churchill’s herstory of World Disagreement II.
“What Would St. Augustine Do?” On hold until the committee works out the problem with his
famous prayer.
“The Little Girl Who Grew Up Uneventfully” On the fast track.
“Should the Government Make Our Lunch?” A Dietitian looks at public food policy.
“Political Debates: Unnecessarily Confrontational?” — Frederick W. Thrum and Marjorie
Allingwood propose replacing the acrimonious and divisive pre-election debates with a good old
fashioned hootenanny, complete with talking stick.
“Fishing Without Pain” – New insight into an old pastime.
“Rainy Saturdays: Five Feel-good Games You Can Play With Tables of Contents”
“Candide in the Classroom: Why America Has, Always Has Had, and Always Will Have, the Best
of All Possible Public Education Systems” — Title tells all.
“Mysteries Improved” In this day of e-books, there’s no reason to put up with violence in your
reading. We’ll show you how to replace the murders and violence in mystery novels with things like
missing eyeglasses, malfunctioning thermostats, undependable AA cells, and the Polite Pathway to
Agreement™.
“150 Uses for Old Plastic Water Bottles”: Why should the Pacific Gyre get
all of them? Now you can be the envy of your friends with handsome planters, drinking cups,
chemistry beakers, shower heads, angel costumes, finger rings, sunglasses — even a working
accordion — made from your empties. Make the All-Bott® Trike, and you’ll really be recycling!
“Ten Steps to Stepping Better”: World-renowned podiatrist Dr. Stephanie Schrum helps you to
overcome five walks that lead people to leap to conclusions about you.
“The Library — A Really Great Place to Get Books!!” How to visit the . . .
“Is Past Tense Discriminatory?” How books in past tense lead our children to undervalue the present.
“With a Song In My Heart” — The inspiring story of how a woman whose surgeon left his iPod in
her left ventricle turned personal tragedy into a best-selling book, a film starring Meryl Streep©, and a
career in reality television.
“Adverb Roulette Game of Chance Fun Family Game” Win FREE adverbs to sprinkle through your
writing. No writing sparkles like Adverb Enhanced® writing. No purchase required!
“Making Today The Best Day of Your Life Until Tomorrow” Happiness consultant Faith Wilders on
how to scoop life’s tastiest morsels from the corners of the package.
“Git Back to the Raft, Huck, Honey” Why does that large
male adult keep calling Huckleberry Finn “honey?” Preparing your children to avoid a great read.
“A Quick and Easy NPR Filter” — Here’s a simple rubric you can use to intercept all of NPR’s
unacceptable content and focus on Garrison Keillor.
. . . and so, so much more. Please cast a vote and/or suggest something new!
your own site.
18 Responses to “Life Is Wonderful, Day 143: The Road Ahead”
1. Suzanna Says:
You’ve given me many giggles my friend so thanks for that. I hope that laughing
this heartily will assure a better night sleep. I think all of these topics are quite
humorous. Your choice, boss, they all work for me. Suggestions may follow after
I’ve had some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s but none will be as clever as yours, so
maybe I’ll just stand by, full stop. We’ll see how the sleep goes first. Thanks
again!
2. Gary Says:
Been away. Came back. Found all this.
There’s only one way to make it stop (suggested a couple of blogs ago):
The first thing we do,
let’s kill all the lawyers.
Henry VI, Part 2
William Shakespeare, 1592
The more I think about it,
old Billy was right;
Let’s kill all the lawyers,
let’s kill them tonight.
Get Over It
The Eagles, 1994
3. EverettK Says:
Please stop. You’re killing me. Or, at least, you’re rupturing my appendix.
(Just remember: if you never add an appendix to your book, it can’t be ruptured.)
I vote for: Should the Government Make Our Lunch FOR FREE because it would
put an end to the misconception that there is no such thing as a free lunch.
I also like Cohens of the Heart, the autobiography of two Jewish vascular
surgeons.
I’m laughing too hard to think of anything-other than there is a hint of the Tim
I’ve read before in there. Just how long do you plan to keep this going?
How about MAKE AWKWARD SEXUAL ADVANCES NOT WAR-The timeless
story of a teen’s struggle to find peace during the dark days of an unnamed war?
““Should the Government Make Our Lunch?”
Why not? The corporate-funded GOP has been eating it.
“Mysteries Improved”
Writing advice is always appreciated. A truth about writing that should be self-
evident is that it is impossible for a writer to successfully create a fictional
character that is more intelligent than the writer. That’s why, if I ever get around to
writing a novel, all my characters are going to be freakin’ idiots.
“150 Uses for Old Plastic Water Bottles”
Some people even use them for building houses.
“Adverb Roulette Game of Chance Fun Family Game”
You have no idea how happily that makes me.
Okay, I’m done.
Hi, everybody.
Now, this is more like it. Until all these nice letters arrived, I was on the verge of
writing tomorrow’s blog in appreciation of this nice note I just got from someone
named Autentic Shoe Outlet.
Autentic says, You received a definitely beneficial webpage. I have been right here
reading for about an hour. I’m a newbie and your success is of really much an
inspiration for me.
Suzanna, get that sleep. Sleep is important because without it we sometimes
become intemperate and make rash remarks to those we love and those we not-so
love, although, of course, we’d love them if we knew them better. So I’m happy
the post cheered you — remember, it takes either more or less muscles to smile
than it does to frown, and either way, well . . .
Gary, while I share your appreciation of Shakespeare, I think he must have written
that speech of Falstaff’s after a bad night’s sleep. That’s not the bluff, hearty,
optimistic Falstaff I know and love. And even though Shakespeare wrote the
occasional tragedy, I’m certain in my heart that he shared our conviction that the
world is just one unending square dance in which no one ever stumbles and every
partner is the right one.
And where’d you go, anyway?
Laren, that’s a terrific improvement on both my ideas. I’m always open to
suggestion and collaboration because two heads are better than one, even when
one of them is yours. Whoops, an unwashed fragment of the old dark me floated
up. Actually, “Cohens of the Heart” made me laugh out loud.
Everett, please say something unpleasant so I can demonstrate moral superiority
by absorbing it gracefully and — and learning from it. Otherwise I’m stuck in this
isn’t this nice and here’s something nicer gear, and it’s getting — well, not old
precisely, but a bit too well-explored.
Lil, I’m hoping to preserve this new perspective through infinity, or whatever
sliver of it will be granted to me. The old Tim lies dusty and deserted in a ditch
beside the road leading to Damascus. And these are gum wrappers that were his
eyes.
Micael, you can suggest new topics as often as you like, although ideally you’ll
send them to me by e-mail so I can claim I thought of them. That’s the funniest
one of all. Make a great bumper sticker.
Hey, Phil, glad you’re back. You’ve made me laughingly several times, especially
with the GOP eating our lunch, although I’m sure if we understood everything
we’d see that they have our best interests in mind.
9. Debbi Says:
“Git Back to the Raft, Huck, Honey” Why does that large male adult keep
calling Huckleberry Finn “honey?”
That’s a nice welcome, Tim, but really, I haven’t gone anywhere; I read your blog
daily, come rain or come shine (mostly rain this time of year). Some days, though,
I get here kinda late and kinda brain-dead and find that you’ve already responded
to everyone’s comments; on those days, I don’t leave a comment because I know
it would compel you to respond in kind (that you acknowledge every respondent
by name goes to the heart of your character and is one of the many qualities I like
and respect about Tim Hallinan, the person), and sparing you another timeconsuming visit to the scene of the crime, as it were, is sure to be for the greater
good.
11.EverettK Says:
Tim, I’m saying nothing but warm-fuzzy-glowing things for the indefinite future,
just to see how long you can keep this up. It’s going to be fun watching the
pressure gasket blow, as it inevitably must. (Did you notice how smoothly and
almost invisibly I snuck in that -ly word?)
Hmm. Why do writers look down on adverbs?, she asked. Seriously.
Many provocative subjects there – somehow Fishing Without Pain really speaks
to me. Is such a thing really possible? How would our lives change if we were
able to do this? I would love to hear you explore the philosophical and cultural
ramifications.
February 21st, 2011 at 9:45 am
You like me. You really like me. All it took was a change of tone. It’s all sunshine
from now on! And I’m laying in an extra store of exclams!
I’m having an enormous amount of fun with this, and I hope you are, too, because
it’s not likely to end any time soon. Unless it does and I return to my lifelong
study of The Human Condition.
Debbi, I read (of course) the new expurgated version of H.Finn. I wouldn’t tarnish
my consciousness with the old dirty version. And while I would love to claim the
title as my own, GIT BACK TO THE RAFT, HUCK, HONEY is actually the title of
an (in)famous critical paper written in 1948 by Leslie Fiedler that “revealed” the
powerful homoerotic strain that flows, as irresistably as the Mississippi itself,
through the novel. According to Fiedler, anyway.
Hi, Phil and it’s good to know you’re out there. I sometimes feel like I’m on the
radio and everyone has turned to television. My words just echo . . . endlessly . . .
in an . . . empty hall. I’ll be back in a second with a Kleenex-brand nose-blowing
tissue. Anyway, glad to know you haven’t moved on.
Lil, an honest answer is that it’s Conventional Wisdom, like Write What You
Know and Don’t Fracture Point of View. In fact, though, there’s no piece of
conventional writing wisdom that hasn’t been violated, often to the benefit of the
book or story. Many people, and I’m one of them, see a lot of adverbs as (a)
empty calories — what word could be eliminated from, “Scared to death, she ran
quickly away,” or (b) just laziness — using a word to TELL the reader something
the writer should be SHOWING. “I love you,” she said tremulously” isn’t terrible
(although it’s close) but wouldn’t it be better if the writer showed us her
tremulousness and let us draw our own conclusions? Of course, adverbs that
modify the verb “to say” are the basis of the whole “Tom Swifty” genre of jokes
“I’m coming as fast as I can,” Tom said swiftly. My friend Bruce Tierney, the
mystery critic for BookPage, can make these up as fast as I can talk, and often
does.
Everett, thanks so much for the gentle tone. My nerves aren’t what they used to
be, and my trips to the Kleenex-brand nose-blowing tissues are more frequent
than most men would (or would care to) admit. Every kind response is another
paving stone on the long walkway to recovery.
Stephen, the world would be unimaginable. I’ve been trying to imagine it ever
since I read your response, but I’ve failed. Our lives would be — well, perhaps
this is too strong a word, but — transformed. They’d be transformed. We’d still be
friends, though. Wouldn’t we?
15.Rosa St.Claire Says:
You have made me laugh so much today. What a great talent. I was down in the
doldrums lately, but your humor is contagious.
Hi, Rosa, and thanks so much. If I give you the e-mail addresses of everyone else
who reads this blog would you write and tell them about this? Avoid those
doldrums. Isn’t it interesting (well, maybe it’s not) that we don’t cap the “D” on
“doldrums” even though it’s a proper noun as the name of the equatorial calm
zones where ships used to sit for weeks, even months. Well, it’s sort of interesting.
Thanks for dropping by.
17.Jaden Says:
My favorites are TUCKY THE SQUIRREL, the Winston Churchill review, and
IMPROVING MYSTERIES. MAKE AWKWARD ADVANCES NOT WAR is
good too. Thank you for the laugh, Tim. I’d respond in kind, but I have it on good
authority that I have no sense of humor.
Hi, Jaden and thanks. Tucky’s is a story that longs to be told, and I’d be willing to
lease it to the right writer in exchange for co-credit and a slice of the royalties.
Make Awkward Advances is my brothers and made me spit coffee, although I
managed to miss the keyboard.
Thanks for coming by.
Life Is Wonderful, Day 144: The Happiness Bookshelf
February 20th, 2011
thought I’d suggest some books that can serve as today’s “life coaches,” helping us to “cross” the
“finish line” in the best possible way.
Bite Your Own Tongue! A Vegan’s Guide to the Delicatessen, by Doris K. Rasmussen, makes a
memorable point based on a clever homonym: the fact that the plural of “chew” would be “chews,” if
“chew” were a noun and had a plural, and that “chews” is pronounced identically, except in
Massachusetts, as “choose.” So, as Ms. Rasmussen puts it, “Choose your chews. Every mouthful of
meat shortens your life by 13.4 minutes and pays the salaries of people who are, literally, butchers.
Have a full belly and a clear conscience.”
Internal Exploration: Up the Alimentary Canal with Notebook and Camera, by Frederick W. Thrum,
reminds us that the entire universe can be divided into you on one hand, and, on the other, everything
else. And yet the world is full of people who know how to get to Idaho but couldn’t locate their spleen
or their conscience with both hands and a doctor’s assistance. ”Look within,” Thrum urges. ”You are a
mirror of all creation™. ” This slender volume is a great introduction to Thrum’s seminar
series, Unexpected Meetings: Discovering Yourself In the Last Place You’d Look.
Where’s the Rest of Me? Donald Rumsfeld’s Search for His Heart, by Marianne Higginson-FalsworthyBrown-Wheelock, is an inspiring saga that reminds us that personal growth can, too, come without
visits by three spirits. Whatever you think of him before you read this book, you’re going to meet a
new and surprising “Rummy.”
Sole Food: 100 Quik ‘n Easy Recipes for Used Footware: Slow-cooking is the
secret to whipping up low-cal snacks at virtually no cost, an especially important consideration for
seniors, who are likely to be see a drop in income when Social Security is eliminated, and who also
tend to own many shoes. A personal favorite is “shoelace spaghetti.”
Yeth, Thir, Thergeant Thmith!, by Sergeant John L. “Jack” Smith: There’s no such thing as “no” to
some people, and wouldn’t we all like to be one of them? Meet Sergeant John L. “Jack” Smith. At the
outset of World War Two, Sergeant Smith was given a platoon of recruits who lisped had speech
impediments practiced alternative pronunciations. He was instructed to turn them into Comm Offs, the
all-important communications officers responsible for maintaining telephone contact with headquarters.
A movie, starring Sean Penn in wet mode, is already in production.
Put Your Left Foot In: The Hokey Pokey as a Path Through Life, by Amanda Robertson-Davies. A
simple childhood dance? The key to negotiating life’s twists and turns? I only wish this software had
better graphic capabilities because I’d love to show you the step patterns for divorce and buying a used
car. Life-changing stuff.
Life’s Bookshelf stretches on forever. More recommendations to come. Do you have books to share
with us?
your own site.
15 Responses to “Life Is Wonderful, Day 144: The Happiness
Bookshelf”
1. Robb Royer Says:
I just returned from a couple of days at my webless Siberia – farm- and… kids…
kids! To misquote Vince Lombardi ‘what the hell is goin’ on in here? Somehowfacesh facitish… irony has gone into eclipse? Luckily it rose again like a one day
wonder of a Phoenix from the ashes of bickering -with your hilarious book titles.
For my part I’d like to add a few historical figures who fit right in with this new
spirit of PC. I’m thinking book here.
Fredrick the Pretty Good
Ivan the needs improvement.
Vlad the occasionally doesn’t play well with others but scores high in creativity.
Ethelwimp the not-so-good-as Fredrick but a shitload better than Vlad.
I bounced these off a publisher and got a response that must have been the
prototype for Serene Branson’s Grammy report. A man that age should try to pace
himself.
On a lighter note I’ve gone over some or the recent blogs on this site and didn’t
see anything critical of teachers in general, just the position some of the union
leaders and lobbyists take. 10,000 teachers union lobbyists in Washington alone is
like 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea. A good start? Too many! No mas!
.
2. Dana King Says:
“Every mouthful of meat shortens your life by 13.4 minutes ”
I have to wonder: do Vegans really live longer, or does it just seem longer?
3. EverettK Says:
Tim, your wisdom seems infinite, undeniable, chartreuse. Perhaps you can seed
my comfort by suggesting what I should do respondingly to this urgent most
email I just received:
I am seeking your consent to hand you as a recipient to my late punter who
passed away some few years back, which by accident matches his last name
matches yours. This is permissible and without harm, the amount left behind is
$16.7M. If interested forward to me your name, address, cell, phone\fax, for more
clarifications
I know your time is valueless, but any directional pointers you can swing away
from me would be thankful!
4. Beth Says:
I said I wouldn’t do this again, but I have to ask – how do the people in
Massachusetts pronounce “choose” if now like “chews”?
I prefer Ms. Rasmussen’s great-grandmother’s book; Mrs. Rasmussen’s Book of
One-Arm Cookery (1946). It was written by Mary Lasswell, who wrote very
funny books, starting with Suds In Your Eye in 1942. All are now out of print, and
the political correctness is almost 70 years old so “Japs” are bad, Chinese are
good and victory bonds rule.
They make me laugh.
Liz
“Every mouthful of meat shortens your life by 13.4 minutes…”
If that’s true, I died eleven weeks ago.
“Bite Your Own Tongue! A Vegan’s Guide to the Delicatessen…”
Thanks to TMJD, I chewed mine off. Very tasty, providing you like raw meat and
fresh blood.
“Internal Exploration: Up the Alimentary Canal with Notebook and Camera…”
This immediately reminded me of an episode of “Two-and-a-half Men”, in which
Alan gets a colonoscopy.
“Where’s the Rest of Me? Donald Rumsfeld’s Search for His Heart”
But…but…but doesn’t he need a brain for that?
“Put Your Left Foot In: The Hokey Pokey as a Path Through Life”
That’s what Alice did, and down the rabbit-hole she went.
7. Suzanna Says:
Once again, you dwell in the outer reaches of creative genius and today, well, my
complete lack of creative genius in addition to yet another night of disturbed sleep
prevent me from replying in kind, but I just want you to know that you are all
cracking me up and I appreciate the effort. Particularly, Ms. Rose’s suggested title,
MRS RASMUSSEN’S BOOK OF ONE-ARM COOKERY, and Robb’s complete
collection.
High-larious!
I don’t know, the sun is shining, and I’m laughing again-something’s working, I’m
just not sure what it is. You posters are very good at this. Me, not so much. Thank
you for your response to adverbs. I love Tom Swifties; I just can’t stand the blank
looks I get from most people when I use them.
9. EverettK Says:
By the way, Tim, you passed the 3/8ths mark on your year of blogging,
unhearalded, on day 137. In two more days (day 146) you will have passed the
2/5ths (4/10ths, 0.4, for the math impaired) point.
Just sayin’, ’cause time goes more slowly when you watch the day counter.
Beth, I promised I wouldn’t do this again too. But then again I am not a man of
my word. People from Mass.(spelling impossible) say choose like ewes. Under
the Patriot Act we are now required to say choose like whose. El Butinsky
Grande, Mike
11.Beth Says:
Mike, no we don’t.
Beth
Robb, irony has been banished, and I’m thinking movie. A vast herstorical
cornucopia of tidied up personages from the past – all the ones you named plus
the Six Totally Appropriate Female Partners of Henry VIII.
And the change in the tone of the blog is a craven retreat on my part. Let no
person say I will not go to my knees to curry favor.
Dana, I actually tried a Vegan diet and gave it up (this is completely true, as
opposed to some of the things on this blog that are only approximately true) when
I found myself dreaming of roast beef. I figure if my dream-self wants it, who am
I to argue?
Everett, while my time is indeed valueless and even priceless — wait a minute,
now, that’s confusing — I’ll tell you directly: take that money, even if they want
all of yours first. Just compare the possible loss with the possible gain: $121.46
versus — what was it? — $16.7 mil? How can you lose? And you can tell by the
tone that the person who wrote it is just totally on the level.
You caught me, Beth. Despite what my brother says, that Massachusetts crack was
linguistically faulty and aimed at a specific friend of mine who lives in a city
called “Baasten” and speaks a language that can only by an act of kindness be
called English. In fact, “choose” and “chews” are the only words in the language
Baasteners pronounce the same way as the rest of us.
Although Mike is right about the new rules of pronunciation under the Patriot Act,
which, by the way, also requires us to pronounce our nation’s names as
“Amurrica” and “The Hew Hess Ay”
Elizabeth Rose, thanks for the reminder of Mary Lasswell. She was, among other
things, a precursor of Peg Bracken, who picked up the gauntlet with books like
The I Hate to Cook Book and The View From the Kitchen Sink. All politically
incorrect by now, but funny as hell. Re: political correctness, I like a recent line by
Christopher Hitchens (may he live and prosper) about the period of “Mad Men”
being “the last time it was actually fun to be an American, at least of a certain
class.”
Lil, if you’re laughing, everything is fine. I’m glad someone is.
Phil you look great for a guy who’s been dead for weeks. But the Hokey Pokey
book is nothing to joke about. It’s already improved my life, and I don’t even have
a sense of rhythm.
Everett — two in one day?!?! Wow — I’m four tenths of the way through? That’s
the most despairing statistic of the year. Only four tenths? How much longer can I
abase myself? How much lower can I go?
Micael, thank you for coming to my rescue, as isolated as the impulse was. Nice
pronunciation distinction, though. Long, long ago, when The Great Salt Lake was
still connected to the Pacific, I had a director humiliate me in front of the entire
cast and crew by yelling at me that “news” was not pronounced “nooz” but,
rather, “nyews.” She had a short fuse, and she’d been listening to me say it wrong
for weeks, although, to be fair to me, without ever saying anything about it out
loud. But she probably felt like she’d been saying it out loud, since she turned the
complaint into a ten-minute tirade about how my generation didn’t even know
how to speak their own language. And now here I am, two geological eras later,
saying the same thing.
Life sure is funny, ins’t it?
13.Debbi Says:
Every mouthful of meat shortens your life by 13.4 minutes
14.Larissa Says:
I’ve been laughing so hard that I can’t think straight. I was reading these on a
break at work and I was afraid I’d be carted off for having supposed seizures I
was giggling so much.
Ahem.
I can’t even begin to try and play along. But I’ll happily join the masses by sitting
back and watching the clever darts fly!
15.Jaden Says:
I want that Hokey Pokey book. I feel it could seriously change my life.
Life is Wonderful, Day 145: Wumsy’s Cabbage Patch Party, Part One
February 21st, 2011
I’m afraid that Wumsy has been postponed. This is saddening, because the story of Wumsy — a
bunny who broke all the rules by starting life as a caterpillar — has a great deal to teach each and
every one of us.
But I need to do some self-promotion. Knowing how many of you have been coming back here day
after day just hoping for Wumsy, though, I’ve decided to illustrate this piece with some of the pictures
from the story, enough (I hope) to give you an idea of what you’re missing.
First piece of self-promotion: I started writing THE GROWING YOUNGER MAN, Poke Rafferty
Number Five, yesterday and am now almost 3000 words in. Barring anything totally unforeseen, we’re
set with a publisher for that and the sixth, THE FEAR ARTIST. And I have to say that it’s remarkably
pleasant to be writing Poke and Rose and Miaow again.
Wumsy waits for his friends to begin arriving for his party. Will they all be dressed in costumes,
and what will they be?
On another front, I got my first-ever review from a romance site. I received a note a week or so back
from Virginia Nelson, who reviews books for Coffee Time Romance and More, telling me she’d posted
a review of QUEEN there, and it’s a dilly. Here it is:
Rose Rafferty has changed her name, her life, and what defines her three times so far in her life. When
the past reawakens and threatens all that she has become, she must revisit even that farthest of
identities, the one she was born to. Long ago there was a girl named Kwan, called Stork because of her
ungainly height, who didn’t believe she was beautiful or strong… From Kwan was born the Queen of
Patpong Road, dancer in Bangkok bars, Rose. Rose has morphed into a mother of a precocious
daughter and wife to Poke. But will the dancer persona threaten her family, her security, her life?
Poke Rafferty, writer, has his family and is thinking of starting a business, when , at dinner, everything
changes. When his sweet and brave little wife, former Patpong dancer, stabs a man in the hand over
dinner, his happiness is suddenly precarious. He is sure he can help Rose and protect their daughter,
Miaow, but he has to find out what is going on first, from Rose.
As Rose reveals to her family the secrets she thought she had escaped, the strength of the bonds of
family is tested. Not only is there the outside threat of Horner but the internal struggle of a family to
stay strong when faced with adversity.
A thriller and suspense with the strength of a family unit at its core, The Queen of Patpong is as rich as
the culture and people that make up its multiflavored cast. From the bright lights and seedy streets of
Bangkok’s dangerous Patpong Road to the quiet country life of a young girl, this story takes the reader
on a journey to a far off place to find out that love is the same regardless of how far from home you
may roam.
How nice is that? Thank you, Virginia.
When he sees that everyone has come costumed as a caterpillar, Wumsy hides in a nearby
cabbage while his friends eat his cake and open his presents.
And then yesterday, on the influential listserv, DorothyL, a wonderful novelist named Donna Fletcher
Crow, who’s written both mysteries and historical novels that are quite a bit different than mine,
reviewed QUEEN with the kind of generosity one always hopes a writer will demonstrate to another.
You can’t got to DorothyL unless you subscribe, so here’s what Donna had to say:
Right. Everyone who has already written about this book–which must be everyone on the list–can say
a great collective, “I told you so!” But now it’s my turn to say, “This is a great book!”
And I suppose many of the reviewers have already pointed out the beautiful structure built around
“The Tempest” and the subtle theme of forgiveness and restoration–again based on the bard, but I’m
glad I missed it in the earlier posts because that way I could have the delight of discovering it
for myself.
And, of course, the fascination of learning about a totally different culture. And meeting Tim’s
exceptionally well-developed characters. This book, although a thriller, is about 90 per cent
characterization in that the motivation, plot, action all grow out of the characters–which is exactly as it
should be.
And, finally, there’s the issue of sex–so appropriate to the discussions we’ve been having of late. This
is a book about sex–and yet there’s no sex in it. Amazing.
All I can say, is, “Wow, Tim!”
And all I can say is, “Thank you, Donna.”
His lesson learned, Wumsy pours tea for all his friends while they cheer him
as a good sport.
These reviews are especially timely as I re-enter Poke’s and Rose’s world. They’ve really boosted my
morale.
This entry was posted on Monday, February 21st, 2011 at 9:05 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
11 Responses to “Life is Wonderful, Day 145: Wumsy’s Cabbage Patch
Party, Part One”
What the hell kind of name is Wumsy? But then, what the hell kind of name is
Poke? Or Simeon Grist, for that matter.
I think Wumsy reminds me a little of Holden Caulfield, but smaller and more
rodent-like. But other than that…
2. EverettK Says:
Wumsy for President! Wumsy for President! (Oh, wait. Was Wumsy born in the
Hew Hess Hay?)
And I’m impressed. Not only are you starting Poke #5 and have a title for it, you
already have a title for #6! Did you have to write a proposal for both of them, and
that’s why you have a title already for #6?
I agree with Laren.I dont know about Mumsy. Warren would be a good name for a
rabbit. Anyway CONGRATULATIONS on yet two more great reviews for Queen.
Is the man growing younger the barfly from The Fourth Watcher? I felt he was too
good a character to be put on the shelf. I hope I have this right. Glad you are
focused and working again.
4. Crenna Aesegas Says:
Oh, Lawsie Me (to quote my mother)… I feel as though I fell through a rabbit
hole, and landed in the Land of Lovely Language! Media Media everywhere, and
not a thought in sight, most of the time. But THIS! This is bracing and
ADDICTIVE! (Yeah, baby, that’s right, I ply my punctuation with a mean hand.)
So feeling intimidated, cowering at my keys in inadequacy to add thought, phrase
or content, I’ll just smile and thanks to all you flash speed riposters. What a hoot!
Congratulations on Poke 5 & 6. I regret that Wumsy has to take a back seat, but
such is life. Enjoy the accolades, Tim. Queen is really a remarkable book.
6. Suzanna Says:
Well, okay, this is how I see it. You are multi-tasking, multi-plotting, and just
plain old multi-talented in general. Great new titles for the Poke series and great
reviews of Queen.
I want that bunny/on cabbage tea pot. Very cute!
7. Gary Says:
I’m confused. Where exactly does Wumsy fit in the latest Poke story?
(You’d better not expect any more of those great reviews with Wumsy in there.)
8. Donna Says:
Tell Wumsy to pour a cuppa for me, Tim. I’m honoured to be quoted–in full–on
your blog. But the thank you’s are all for you–for the great pleasure reading your
book gave me.
9. Jaden Says:
Tim, those reviews are well-deserved and spot on. In my opinion, you just keep
getting better and better.
I am looking forward to reading about Wumsy, though. (I agree that Warren is a
good name for a rabbit.)
10.greg smith Says:
Good on Ya, Tim. Great news about the next 2 books and the continuing raves for
Queen.
As for Mumsy, I think I’m getting diabetes from the sheer saccharine sweetness of
it all. The pictures are priceless. Meaning, I wouldn’t pay a dime but I’ll swap you
for my Keanne paintings.
Hi Gang!!! Once again, apologies for chiming in late. Yesterday three-quarters of
the Pleasure Fair, my old band, reunited, and it took until almost 4 for us to say
goodbye, and I still had fo do the daily words on THE GROWING YOUNGER
MAN.
SO — Laren, Wumsy is Wumsy’s name, and it’s an ancient and honorable name
among rabbits. I’m really surprised to have to answer this question from you, who
once had a ferret as a pet. Ferrets know ALL about rabbits.
Everett, Wumsy declines to serve. He likes living in a cabbage. And yes, I wrote
two proposals for HarperCollins and then gave them, with some revision and
improvement, to my new publishers. I really like both stories, although of course,
that’s no guarantee that I’ll actually write them as described.
Micael, a rabbit named Warren would be a laughingstock. Pfui on Warren. Yes,
The Growing Younger Man is the same guy we met sort of glancingly in
WATCHER. I think he’s in NAIL, too. I always meant to bring him front and
center eventually. One of the great things about writing a series is that you have
this cloud of characters who have been on the page at some time or other, and you
can turn back to them whenever they seem, ummmm, appropriate.
Crenna, nice to meet you and thanks for coming all the way from Ancient Rome.
Hope you come back and become part of the Official Flash Speed Riposters
Sister/Brotherhood. (TM)
Lil, thank you for saying even MORE nice things about Queen. I don’t suppose
you’re an Edgar voter. Wumsy is being reviewed by the committee, who have not
yet issued a ruling. There’s some concern about animals in costumes — whether
it’s inappropriately anthropomorphic. A complaint was filed by a household finch.
Suzanney, you and Munyin both want that pot. I may eventually have to overrule
the committee if they come down against Wumsy because I have so MANY
unused images and some of them are world-changers.
Gary, Wumsy is not in the new Poke. If you’d actually read the series, rather than
claiming to have read it, you’d realize he had an indelible scene in BREATHING
WATER, as the pocket bunny of one of the street kids. “Wumsey made me weep,”
— Janet Maslin, New York Times.
Donna, thanks for coming by, and Wumsy will pout as soon as he frees his little
paw, which is stuck in the spout. Your review really did give me a lift. Insecurity
is a constant companion during the first 65% of a new book and in the weeks after
it’s finished.
Jaden, you’re a writer I admire, so double thanks for our concerns about Wumsy.
My brother micael thanks you for the Warren remark.
Hey, Greg — You missed the free insulin offer. What can I say. And do you have
any idea what a Keane painting is worth these days? Recent asking prices (these
are legit) range from $15,000 on artbrokerage.com to $32.99 on eBay. Both are
listed as unsold.
I’m actually tempted to buy the $32.99 one. That which does not kill me makes
me stronger.
Life Is Largely Acceptable, Day 146: If We Build It, They Will Come
February 23rd, 2011
Although most of this blog’s most open-hearted readers (you know who you are) have cheered our new,
positive direction, there have been those who questioned it. But now we have absolute proof that
simply creating a little island of positivity, free of harsh judgments and threatening male archetypes,
will attract the right kind of attention.
And this proof comes from an unexpected source: our spam.
Until very recently, our spam mail was largely confined to pitches for bulk discounts on male erectile
dysfunction (ED) drugs, people who have millions tied up in Nigeria but who have figured out a way to
get at it with our help, and occasional cries for help from Diane Von Fürstenburg. In other words, the
usual trivial ephemera of dodgy, bargain-basement capitalism.
But today is the beginning of the rest of this blog’s life. And our spam heralded it.
Our first example:
hello, sir. My classmates decide to create a opera there are several clips about maid in this play. so I
want to ask a few questions on it.
what type of etiquette the actual maid have to own around england. for example how they entertain the
guests? bend or bend theirs knees? where they will put their hands? forward or backward?
what type of rules while maids serve the guests drinking tea? what should maids do once the hostess
question them to leave.
Say Thanks A Ton
Kathleen G.
See what I mean? We’re attracting students. Who want to stage an opera. Not some Canadian
Pharmacy that’s mysteriously situated in India. I could deconstruct the letter, breaking out the
individual questions and attempting to answer them, but in the new spirit of the blog, I thought I might
leave that to you.
All I’ve done for Kathleen G. is to provide a hint via the illustration above, which shows that a maid
around England does not bend her knees or not bend her knees, at least not all the time, and keeps one
hand forward and one hand backward. I think this is the kind of useful, practical information needed
by students who are creating a opera. Please submit your answers to Karen G.’s questions, keeping
them tasteful, and together, we’ll do what we can to earn that sign-off, “Say, Thanks A Ton.”
Our next piece of evidence:
some writers such as Ion Creanga, Mihai Eminescu, Tudor Arghezi Mark Twain sketches in their works
a happy childhood, carefree, in the main concerns are playing the game and when other writers like
John Teodoreanu George Cosbuc Toparceanu George, has a sad childhood in which children are shown
the difficulties and responsibilities of life too early, it’s becoming stressful for them.
and jocuri cu barbie Romanian most famous monument high childhood, Memories of childhood “,
illustrates well the complementary relationship between game and childhood. Nica child is always
playing. Whether it’s stealing cherries or staging a play or church services with the stick.
First, of course, we can see this as a reading list of writers whose work we may not be completely
familiar with. I have to admit, for example, not having read all of George Cosbuc or Toparceanu
George, if those are in fact two different people. I mean, “Toparceanu George” could be an affectionate
nickname for George Cosbuc if George Cosbuc comes from Toparceanu and Toparceanu is indeed a
place.
See how little I know? And how delightful it is to be prompted to expand my horizons.
And what insight into the games of Romanian (I guess) children. Stealing cherries sounds like high
adventure, at least if they leave enough cherries to go around, and staging a play (we seem to have a
theme here!) or church services with the stick just opens me, at least, to a tizzy of speculation as to how
the stick might be used.
I’m sure this resonates with each of us differently. No sense in me imposing my reactions upon you.
So, there — good news even in the spam box. I hope you’ll agree that this was worth postponing
Wumsy for.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011 at 10:07 am and is filed under All Blogs. You
from your own site.
14 Responses to “Life Is Largely Acceptable, Day 146: If We Build It,
They Will Come”
They have maids in Romania?
2. Larissa Says:
So happy to see that the correlation between Mark Twain and Tudor Arghezi has
finally been unearthed! I know I couldn’t tell the difference between the two…
Who knew those Romanians had such a knack for disguise! Little did we know
that they were actually one person named TudorArgheziMarkTwain. Very
confusing. (c:
3. Suzanna Says:
So sorry that you haven’t heard from Ms. Von Furstenburg. My guess is that she’s
in Nigeria with the Romanian poets working on an opera about English high
society.
Mun if I ever see a cabbage tea pot with a tiny bunny hopping on top I’ll buy us
both one. Maybe we can learn to pour as well as the English and try out for the
opera?
Standing by for Wumsy.
In Romania Wumsy would be called Wumsescu. If I’ve used up my allotment of
responses I will take tomorrow off.
5. Gary Says:
Dear Kathleen G.
The maids you refer to do not belong in England at all. History teaches us that
there were once two towns in Japan called England and Usa, so that in the early
days of manufacturing they could truthfully print “MAID IN ENGLAND” or
“MAID IN USA” on their inferior shoddy goods.
I respectfully suggest that you redesign your opera along the lines of “The
Mikado,” thereby keeping it firmly rooted in Nippon. But you could if you wish
retain the English influence, by adhering to the best traditions of D’Oyly Carte
during production.
Three little maids who quite unwary
Come from a ladies’ seminary
Three little maaaaids from school.
Oh Tim, you bring out the best in all of us. That picture looks like an ad for a
porno flick-not that I’d know anything about that.
7. Debbi Says:
Oh, Mark Twain made it in there? Awesome!
8. Robb Royer Says:
I’m beginning to doubt there is a Wumsy. Im beginning to think Wumsy is your
“Answered Prayers’.
Well HI, there — how long have all of you been here?
micael, Romania was known as “the land of maids” before the Ceausescus
introduced their innovative economic plan, “Everyone exactly equal but us.” The
market for maids kind of plummeted and they all became Olympic gymnasts.
Larissa, the tip-off was that no Romanian writer would actually be named after a
royal British dynasty. “Tudor”? Give me a break. But I’m glad it eases your mind.
Zanna, Mun told me you wanted to buy the teapot, but it’s not for sale. It’s on a
really drool-worthy site called THE RHINESTONE ARMADILLO, by a woman
who just buys everything in the world you could possibly want and never find,
and then puts pictures of them online. It’s at
http://rhinestonearmadillo.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/08/index.html and you
have to go way down the page to see it.
And I think it’s really cute that you want it.
micael, two comments on one post? Spending more time online lately? No, please
don’t feel like you shouldn’t comment tomorrow. There’s no quota for anyone but
Everett.
Ohhhhhh, Gary. Maid in England? Maid in USA? And then GILBERT AND
SULLIVAN? AAARRGGGHHHHHHHHH. ANYTHING BUT GILBERT AND
SULLIVAN!
Hi, Lil — I try to bring out the best in all who are kind enough to stop by our little
rainbow village, and it’s quite true that the pert little domestic at the top of this
post is from a different frame of reference altogether.
Hi, Debbi — Mark Twain is on every good list. And, everyone, let’s give Debbi a
hand because her new mystery, LEAST WANTED, is in Amazon’s Top 100 for
the Kindle!!!!! Yikes.
10.EverettK Says:
Sorry I’ve been slow to fill my quota, Tim, yesterday was a BUSY day. I spent an
hour reformatting one of your books, then an hour working on our new hardwood
floor, then five hours driving to/from and attending to some family stuff (one of
my brothers is seriously ill), and then another three hours working on our new
hardwood floor.
Who has time for seriously silly and sententious sophisms?
But for those of you who have always wondered what an idiot of my ilk looks
like, and have never seen a hardwood floor in your life (I’m sure there’s a small
but insignificant minority of you out there somewhere), here are two pictures of
me and our developing project:
Everett at work
Everett at rest
My wife does all the decorating. I just sleep here and work here. Sometimes.
Okay, quota met. Whew!
I like Gilbert & Sullivan. Now I’m not going to read this blog any more today
(until later). Snob.
Robb: YOU’RE BEGINNING TO DOUBT THERE’S REALLY A WUMSY???
UNWISE! UNWISE! WUMSY GETS ANGRY!
Everett, you don’t have a minimum quota, just a maximum one. And your house
looks great, and you’re surprisingly fit for one who spends most his time curled
over a keyboard in the dark, staring at a display. Oh, wait, that’s me.
Laren, meet Gary. Gary, meet Laren. Be far away from me when you begin to
sing.
13.Debbi Says:
14.Jaden Says:
(Sigh) I don’t think I’m clever enough for this blog by half, but I do love it.
I went to the rhinestone armadillo site. First, let me just say I want a rhinestone
armadillo. Second, I love the little bunny-on-a-head-of-lettuce teapot, but I love
the Thing in a Jar even more.
The Neverending Blog, Day 147: Life Insurance
February 24th, 2011
Without really being aware of it, Munyin and I have surrounded ourselves with reminders of spiritual
life from several traditions.
The picture above is a 19th-century Japanese scroll (we have a lot of Japanese scrolls) of the monk Dogen on the path. Revered as one of the founders of Japanese zen, Do-gen refused honors and robed
himself in peasant clothes. The actual painting is a lot rougher and less “pretty” than it looks here. The
path symbolizes both his wanderings and the path toward enlightenment.
As long as we’re on Buddhism, here’s a carved-wood Thai monk, gilded with semiprecious stones,
from the 18th century. Note the feet, politely tucked behind him so as not to affront the viewer. He’s
about two and a half feet high. I bought this in Bangkok many years ago and bought it a seat on the
plane for the trip home. You can’t really see it here, but the tail of his robe fans out behind him and is as
fragile as a potato chip. There was no possibility of my entrusting it to the baggage handlers. I was on
Thai International and the stewardesses gave me extra-immaculate service because of my traveling
companion.
The backdrop is a Japanese folding screen of flowers painted on a background of metallic gold, from
the 1840s and now, sadly, falling apart.
We live with a lot of depictions of Guanyin, the Chinese goddess of mercy, who is thought by many
scholars to be a manifestation of the Buddha’s compassion. Unfortunately, most of them are old
paintings and are under glass, which makes it difficult to photograph them without glare. This little
ceramic representation lives on top of a boxed set of Buster Keaton’s films, which seems somehow
appropriate.
By the way, all of these are in our living room.
Here’s something different. This is the head of an apsara, a Hindu
angel, probably ripped from a 14th-century Khmer temple. I bought it long ago, before we all learned
about the desecration of these astonishing structures for the antiques trade. I’d put her back if I knew
where she belongs. Southeast Asian Buddhism is richly flavored with Hinduism, and the great Khmer
ruins are monuments to a harmonious collision between religions and artistic traditions.
Just a few more.
This is a modern wood carving of the Sanskrit word Hu, which is an ancient name for God. It hangs
high above the door between the living room and the rest of the first floor, which means we pass under
it continually.
This lovely pairing of Mary and Joseph is carved in balsa wood by a South African artist. It was
virtually the only thing I bought there. I love it; the long faces and the overall attitude seem somehow
Flemish to me.
One more Buddha, Khmer and contemporary. This is carved in soapstone and weighs about 20 pounds.
The glass bar of candles makes him gleam in a very persuasive way at night. I hand-carried this, and it
caused me immense trouble as I left Thailand, which has a law against exporting images of the Buddha
other than personal amulets. It took fifteen minutes of explanation and a low-grade bribe before this
carving was handed back to me.
I love this one. It was worth the trouble with Thai customs and the effort of lugging it through 24 hours
of flight.
Oh — the images of Wumsy are in a separate room.
This entry was posted on Thursday, February 24th, 2011 at 9:55 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
11 Responses to “The Neverending Blog, Day 147: Life Insurance”
1. Larissa Says:
So, can I mail you money and you get me anything of Guanyin you can find and
afford and shove in a suitcase the next time you’re over there? Please?
2. Munyin Says:
Wow, Tim: Your photography and descriptions make me want to visit you and see
these lovely objects grace your home… but wait, I live here too. Thanx for taking
the time to renew my eyes. And I know that subliminally, all these mementos do
give me a sense of the sacred atmosphere we experience in our home and
sanctuary. You’ve made all our homes really beautiful & light-hearted.
3. EverettK Says:
Now that was a lovely and refreshing visitation during my lunch break from wood
floor hell. But, the worst is over, and it’s clear sailing from here to the end (unless
we run out of wood…)
Thanks for sharing the images from your home, Tim! Lovely and peaceful.
How very lovely and peaceful, indeed. I like Munyin’s word “sanctuary” which is
what a home should be. To me, the so-called “Eastern” traditions have always
inspired thoughtfulness. The picture of the pilgrim quiets a lot of the stress and
striving that we experience on our trail. I have a little hotai a Japanese friend gave
me. He always makes smile. Thank you.
5. Larissa Says:
Munyin-beautifully put. (c: And I agree that a home should be a sanctuary-there’s
enough crazy in the world to keep us all spinning like tops-having a place to come
home to and settle and relax is crucial. It took me a lot of years to figure out ways
to put all that good energy into a space where I’m living-it took a lot of work and
I’m still learning how to keep the restlessness out and bring in the zen(c:
6. Gary Says:
Guanyin must be universal. I have a little gilt Guanyin amulet, pressed into my
hand by my girlfriend as I left Cambodia. “She’ll keep you safe,” I was told.
7. Susan Says:
Tim, I love this post. I have a few Buddhas and I find that they bring me a sense
of peace. It’s wonderful to see your and your wife’s collection. They’re beautiful.
Hi, Riss — Guanyin is ubiquitously available — go into a shop in any Chinatown
and you’ll find ceramics similar/identical to the one in the photo. She’s so often
painted or sculpted that most Asian antique and even furniture shops will have her
on the premises in one form or another.
But if you want to send me money, please do.
Hi, Mun — what a surprise to find you here. Who’s dusting the Buddhas? (That’s
a J-O-K-E, deriving its humor from (a) the unexpected direction it took; (b) the
interpolation of a humble domestic chore – dusting — with a symbol of spiritual
enlightenment — the Buddha; (c) the pretense of sexist assumptions on my part
about traditional female tasks; and (d) the fact that I do virtually all the dusting.)
Laughter continues to mystify us, doesn’t it?
And when Munyin says, “all our homes,” she doesn’t mean to suggest that we
currently occupy several homes. It refers to the succession of places we’ve
inhabited. Just in case the IRS is reading this.
Thanks, Everett, but shouldn’t you be sanding? (JOKE) Seriously, if it brought a
little peace into the day, it was worth running around at 8 AM taking all those
pictures.
Hi, Lil, and thanks. I’ve often thought that there’s an eternity of difference
between the central symbols of two of the world’s great religions: a guy nailed to
a piece of wood with a spear wound in his side, and a man sitting silently and
going within. If I were in a sort of spiritual ad agency, evaluating two marketing
approaches, I know which one I’d choose, and pretty fast, too.
Riss (again!) it’s not a total coincidence, I think, that most people who can be
plausibly said to be enlightened are older. (Jesus is an exception, but look how
that worked out.) When we’re young — or, to put it more accurately, when I was
young, I was crazy. Not to malign young people, although I think I’ve already
alienated enough people for one day with the Jesus remark.
And, just to keep it personal, I don’t think that religion/reverence for spiritual
traditions are necessarily opposed to humor, although several of the world’s great
religious traditions do seem kind of short on laughs.
Gary — But ARE you safe? I know I worry about you down there with all those
wallabys. Wallabies. Not to mention being upside-down all the time.
Hi, Susan, and welcome. It’s interesting to hear it described as a collection,
because we never felt like we were building one, and yet that seems to be what we
have, in a modest sense. and there are dozens that I didn’t show you.
9. Larissa Says:
And for the third time in one post…true, Guanyin is ubiquitous but we don’t
really have a Chinatown..a cow town yes…though come to think of it there is an
import store down the street that I bet would have something. (c: So you might
have to wait on that whole “sending you money thing…” hehe.
And in regards to spaces, there probably was a bit of too-much-youth-not-enoughlife that was getting in the way of my good mojo but I think the other side of it
was that I had bounced from living with my mom to living with roommates to
living with nobody…and I was bad at being by myself. Still not my preferred
mode of existance but at least I can do it now. hehe. It just took lots of hours of
me pacing back and forth telling myself that no, I did not need to go out for once
and yes, I can just sit here and pick up one of those projects I keep saying I never
have time to do…or dance in my living room…or whatever.
10.EverettK Says:
NOT sanding. I finished nailing down boards last night at 6:42pm (yes, it was
THAT much of a relief to be done. If I’d owned a Kalashnikov rifle, I’d have been
firing it in the air.)
I may be an idiot (for putting the flooring down myself), but I’m not a STUPID
idiot. We’re hiring someone to do the sanding, filling and finishing.
11.Jaden Says:
These are beautiful, Tim. They do create a sense of sanctuary, as Munyin so
eloquently phrased it. I love the juxtaposition of the Guanyin statuette and the
Buster Keaton tapes.
Life Sentences, Day 148: Wumsy ANGRY
February 25th, 2011
Okay, Wumsy’s had enough, and he’s asked me to pass along his complaints.
First, he’s not pleased that I told (even just through photo captions) the story of his party. That was, he
says, a personal intrusion, and he wants to know how I’d feel if he went online with the story of the day
I went to school in my mother’s cocktail dress. Without admitting that such a thing ever happened, I
have to say that I see his point.
Second, he wants you to know this: To another bunny, bunnies are not “cute.” They may be
attractive, alluring, mysterious, unpleasant, dangerous — all the ways people might describe each other
— but “cute” means something very special to a bunny. It means cute even to a bunny, and Wumsy
wants me to say that this is a degree of cuteness so far above anything humans can appreciate that it can
best be compared with the pitch of a dog whistle that’s octaves above the hearing range of homo
sapiens.
Third, he wants us to be aware that bunnies have long suffered from being relegated to the “cute” end
of the species spectrum. In fact, a bunny artist of some repute, Carrots Keane, painted a symbolic
response to this sterotyping, and here it is:
Prints of this painting, the original of which now hangs in the Bunny Metropolitan, have been carried
into demonstrations by angry bunnies all over America, although the Mainstream Media ignores them.
Fourth, Wumsy asks (without, he says , much faith in the outcome) for greater media sensitivity. Some
human-generated bunny images are just plain offensive. The Bunny Anti-defamation League does
what it can to root them out, but what can they do when a Danish paper publishes something like this?
It’s not only sexist, but also speciesist. And also ABBAist, which bunnies regard as an additional
insult. And this is the top of the iceberg. Offensive bunny images are everywhere. How would
humans feel, Wumsy says, if they shared the earth with a predator that ate them casually, and another
species — let’s say bunnies — put online an image that made fun of humans by finding one of them in
a photo of the predator? I know that’s confusing, but lookie here. Can you find the angry bunny in this
picture of a (brrrrrr!) cat?
You think that’s funny? Well, Wumsy doesn’t.
And finally, here’s a Bunny-Approved™ image of a bunny that takes itself seriously, painted by Sir
Francis Bunny, and there’s a prize waiting for the first person to explain that joke.
Why, you may ask, am I telling you this rather than Wumsy doing it himself? He wanted to, but
without thumbs he was having problems with the space bar.
And there was something so cuuuuuuuute, about his little pawsies on the keyboard that we all just went
awwwwww and isn’t that precious and AFGDT$28th]dm riuasntl4yyak,dfhlsandwwmddew83enhdsk,o
your own site.
10 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 148: Wumsy ANGRY”
1. Suzanna Says:
The top picture is very funny.
I am a little surprised that Wumsy is so upset about being thought of as cute all the
time. Wumsy should know that we humans don’t always go out of our way to
depict bunnies as cute.
Remember the blood thirsty bunnies in Monty Python and The Holy Grail?
They could fly through the air, attack, and kill with one vicious bite to the neck.
But maybe Wumsy would resent this depiction as well. So hard to say how a
rabbit will react sometimes.
While you’re at it please tell Wumsy there is another example of a bunny who is
not exactly cute. Funny, sharp witted, sometimes a little cheeky, Bugs Bunny.
Okay, I rest my case. Only trying to get Wumsy to simmer down.
Sorry, I have no clue about the Sir Francis Bunny joke but I look forward to
someone explaining it.
I for one have had it up to hear with angry bunnies and their union. I’ll sign this”
hopping mad in Laguna” As for the joke Im going 1. with Fracis Bacon the Artist
and 2. Francis Bacon the Shakespearean ghost writer. I get two guesses cuz Im
family. (Everett you only get one)
3. EverettK Says:
Micael: I believe that it’s spelled fracas, not Fracis. And I don’t need a guess, as I
know it’s Sir Francis Pig… er… Bacon, as well, who we all know is the actual
author of the Edgar Award nominated The Queen of Patpong. That Hallinan nom
de plume is a pure fiction, used to hide the true identity of one of the founding
fathers of the Freemasons who, through the invention and exercise of the
scientific method, discovered the elixir of eternal life, and lives on amongst us, the
true power behind the Republican Party, which uses an elephant as their public
symbol, but which, amongst the upper echelons of power, of which Sir Francis is
the upper of the uppers, the actual symbol is the bunny.
4. Larissa Says:
Does anybody remember Bunnicula? The Vampire Bunny that terrified children of
my age for years and years and years.
Scary carrots man. Awesome post.
5. Gary Says:
I’m saddened but not surprised to learn that bunnies are misrepresented by the
Mainstream Media. I mean, look how Sarah Palin’s been treated.
If ever there was an angry bunny, there she is.
I don’t believe any of it. this is all a pigment of you all’s imagination. Is Wumsy
Shakespeare in disguise, or is it Sir Francis Bacon in disguise, I just lost my train
of thought. Talk about going from the sublime to the—-never mind.
7. Debbi Says:
What? Not even one Bugs Bunny mention? Jeez. What a disappointment.
At least Wumsy was not named after a part of the human male anatomy like
another rabbit (or Cottontail) we might mention, but won’t because the blog’s just
too high class for that.
Hi, there, faithfuls.
Suzanna, to put this gently, rabbits don’t get to see a lot of movies. With ticket
prices what they are and a rising resistance to taking carrots at the box office,
fewer and fewer bunnies are seeing the films that could change their perspective
on all of us. That’s one of the issues they’ve been protesting, but the Mainstream
Media remains resolutely silent on it. It would break your heart to see it —
bunnies gathered by the hundreds in the biggest underground room available as
Grampa Twigsy tells the story of the last movie he saw, which was Cecil B.
DeMille’s “The Ten Commandments.” The first one, from 1922.
micael, you win the prize, a lifetime supply of carrots. Unfortunately, the budget
of this blog doesn’t allow home delivery so the carrots will have to be picked up
daily, and there’s a small handling charge. But Sir Francis Bacon (the painter) it
was.
Everett, have you been hanging with Dan Brown? No one else could know all
these things. You left out the Freemason Order of the Bunny, to which all the
globe’s top spies belong. Anywhere there’s a listening post, there’s a bunny —
who is better equipped, hmmm? Hmmm? But you and Dan are wrong about the
author of THE QUEEN OF PATPONG. It’s Christopher Marlowe.
Riss — Bunnicula is one serious rabbit. We need more like him. Are you still
scared? If you are, there’s a 24-hour hotline set up for people just like you. You
have to pay for the service, but the proceeds go to buying movie tickets for
rabbits.
Gary, thank YOU for picking up on the sad state of the Mainstream Media these
days. Honestly, if it’s not some human lib spouting off about the redistribution of
carrots — um, wealth — they don’t want to hear about it. Sarah’s strong-woman
fury has been marginalized in the same way that global rabbit protests have; we’d
never hear about them if it weren’t for talk radio and blogs like this one.
Hi, Lil, and thanks for the worst pun of the week, and that’s saying a lot when
Laren’s around. Interesting that two people picked up not only on Bacon the
painter but also the Bacon whose thunder was stolen by that upstart crow from
Stratford. And if micael doesn’t want the carrots, they’re yours.
Mas to come.
10.Jaden Says:
I got the Sir Francis Bacon part, but was Sir Francis a ninja? Because the bunny in
the painting has a little ninja mask and katana. Is there anything scarier–and yet
cuter–than a ninja bunny?
Please apologize to Wumsy for the blatant misrepresentation of bunnies by
humans? You would think we would know better since Richard Adams spilled the
beans…er, carrots…in WATERSHIP DOWN.
Bloggus Infinitus, Day 149: Larissa on the Fringe
February 25th, 2011
We have a guest blogger today, someone you’ve all met over in the Comments section.
Larissa Uredi lives in Kansas, and she’s here to talk about something exciting that’s being done in that
amazingly friendly state, which I first visited last year, and which I loved. Here’s Larissa:
First off, I have to say a huge THANK YOU to Tim for letting me hop up on my soapbox for today’s
blog post. (c: So, now that I’m settled and acclimated, here goes — my plug for supporting creative
living.
I’m sparking a revolution! (hang with me here.) Empowerment through Art. Community through Art.
Communication, through, well, Art!
I work with the Kansas City Fringe Festival as the Visual Arts Coordinator. As such, I wrangle up all of
the edgy, off the wall, unspoken visual artists in Kansas City and the surrounding region and make sure
that we have the means, and resources to express our artistry and passion.
Wait, the what festival? The Fringe Festival! It’s this little thing that was founded back in 1947 in
Edinburgh, Scotland. It came about by accident when the stuffy leftovers of Post WWII era Europe
decided to host a “crème de la crème” arts festival. The artists who found themselves left out decided to
show up and set up their stages anyway-just on the fringes!
Much to the black-suit’s chagrin and delight of our seat-of-their-pants pantsers, the “fringe”
performances were a huge success. So much, in fact, that the troupes decided to come back the next
year. And the year after that. It finally got so intense that in 1959 an actual “Fringe Festival Committee”
was formed. Their values and goals were extremely simple: anyone who could find a venue and an
audience could participate. Period.
What does this have to do with me and Kansas City? Well, even though KC has run its own Fringe
Festival since 2004, the Visual Arts faction has never been a priority. Until now!
I told you I’m trying to spark a revolution. I want KC Fringe Festival’s Visual Arts to be downright
amazing! Imagine taking a figure drawing class run by Burlesque dancers, or being able to walk up and
paint a “live canvas” right in the middle of the street! How ‘bout playing a huge game of live Scrabble
or participating in a massive “Wall-o-High-Fives”? Ever heard of the Night Markets being run out of
the back of box trucks in big cities like NYC and San Francisco?
(http://www.wired.com/underwire/2010/05/lost-horizon-night-market/ in case you haven’t)I intend to
bring that energy to Kansas City!
I’ve launched an all-or-nothing style fundraiser on Kickstarter (here’s a link to how they work:
http://www.kickstarter.com/help/faq) to bring all of these ideas to life. So, go tell your friends. Tell
your neighbors. Tell your friend’s neighbors and your neighbor’s friends. Go make some new friends
so you can tell them about this crazy little shindig going on in the middle of Kansas City. Help get us
off the ground!
Here’s the link: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/riss/kc-fringe-festival-visual-arts-extra-fringey?
ref=live
Go check it out! If nothing else, throw me a suggestion or two on how I can make it better!
(c:
your own site.
18 Responses to “Bloggus Infinitus, Day 149: Larissa on the Fringe”
1. EverettK Says:
Kansas is one of the many states to which I’ve never made the trek, and who
knows if I ever will? But if I lived a little closer, it sounds like the KC Fringe
Festival is something that could draw me in! Best wishes with it, Larissa!!!
(See, Tim, I can be nice… to nice people.)
Sounds totally awesome. Go Larissa!
This looks like one of Tim’s fringely creative ways of getting a blog done without
actually having to write it.
3. EverettK Says:
Any day that Tim getth 3000 wordth knocked out on the new Poke novel, I’m
perfectly okay with hith cheating on the blog a little. Otherwithe, crack the whip!
Damn. I theem to have picked up a lithp thomewhere.
Larissa-this sounds so great, and I wish you a lot of luck with it. I think that
people might respond really well to something like this; an uplifting time when
there are so many downs. Where anyone can be included. I’ve only flown over
your state, but I follow baseball, and the announcers raved about Kansas City and
how beautiful (the fountains) and, yes, how friendly the people were.
Everett, Kansas was a delightful surprise to me — one of several on the 9,000mile tour. I’ll go again in a minute when the next Poke comes out. And your lithp
ith very botherthome — A written lithp is alwayth confuthing.
Laren, ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-EIGHT. So let’s discard eight of them for
Everett’s stories, Riss, and one or two other guests, and thats 140. At an average
of 400 words each, that 56,000 words. Add an additionan 200 words per day in
responses, and that’s 28,000 words. Put them together, and that’s 84,000 words, or
the length of a shortish novel. And I’ve also written an ACTUAL ahortish novel,
PULPED, during this time. AND am almost 10,000 words into the next Poke,
THE GROWING YOUNGER MAN, although most of them are probably the
wrong words. As James Brown used to say, I’m the hardest-working man in show
business. I get no respect.
Lil, I’m with you, as I so frequently seem to be. I only wish I could go to the
Fringe Festival. I could get up and read from my experimental Dadaist poetry for
several hours. Maybe someone will invite me.
6. Suzanna Says:
Congratulations Riss for introducing visual arts “fringe” to the heartland, and for
introducing me to the Night Market concept. Little did I know they were
happening right here in my own backyard.
Larissa, good for you. We have had a strong tradion of seasonal art shows in
Laguna Beach and I have been fortunate to exhibit in both of them. The one I still
show in started as a rejected artists show and soon became better attended than the
original. So I think you are on the right track. The only advice I can give you is to
make your show not only an art show but an event. We did it with live music and
free classes that are taught by participating artists. If that sounds too mainstream
invite the public to participate in some outragious large scale work. We did one
with broken pottery that guests were invited to work on as long as they wanted.
Ask their kids to help too; it works great and its always good press. I have a long
history of these shows and if I can be of any help fell free to call me or email me
at [email protected]
8. Debbi Says:
Wow, Larissa. As one who’s previously organized a fundraiser (see
http://freedomride4dystonia.wordpress.com/), I know something about the work
you must have put into this. And I’m seriously impressed.
9. Debbi Says:
http://freedomride4dystonia.wordpress.com/
10.Larissa Says:
Sorry for my short hiatus-running around crazy and no internet at the house. (c:
First off, Thank you all for taking the time read through all of that. All of your
comments have been not just heartening to see but helpful.
Michael-I will definitely be in touch. I love what I’ve seen of your work both
through this blog and on your site and I’ve got some questions that I’m sure you
can help me with. (c: Thank you for the offer to help. (c:
Debbi-I will be clicking on that newly minted link as soon as I’m done
commenting. It’s a lot of work for sure! I’ve never done any type of fundraiser
before and this is really the only chance at a budget we get for the Visual Arts so
I’ve got my fingers seriously crossed that we hit our goal. It’s not much when you
put it in context of the whole festival but it seems like a lot to me.
And we’re happy to have you
any time in KC. Just let me know if you’re coming through town!
Tim-again, Thank You and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re cheating-you do
more writing in a day than I do in a year. And most of it’s good! (c:
Suzanna-I’m trying and you’re welcome. Go check them out sometime, they’re
amazing and fun and raunchy and awesome. I really am hoping to bring that sort
of edge to KC-it’s the Fringe Festival after all! We bill ourselves as being raw and
edgy but we have that funny Kansas aftertaste always-so hopefully this year we
can shake things up a bit and get goin’!
Lil-don’t listen to all those terrible things they say about our crappy baseball team
hehe. They aren’t exactly lies but they don’t do a thing for how much fun going to
a Royals game can be. I used to work at Kaufman Stadium and even though we
were almost always losing the crowds were upbeat and fun and everyone was
basically just enjoying the act of being at a baseball game. If not exactly thrilled
that we lost. Again. But ya know, it’s perspective. And we do have some cool
fountains-though there are more interesting parts of KC, in my humble opinion.
(c:
And yes, Toto’s taken on more of the slapdash “haute coutour” look as opposed to
the little-runt-that-could look for these here Kansas days.
Thank you everyone for all of your support and suggestions. I hope to send you all
a good news cheer when we fund!
11.Larissa Says:
And in case ya’ll weren’t sick of me just yet–
Debbi-talk about a lot of work! Egads! I’d never heard of Dystonia but now that
I’ve read that site, I have someone I think might be interested in knowing more.
Crazy. Did you ever get rid of all your t-shirts? (c:
12.Jaden Says:
Sounds like a great event, Larissa. I help organize the Killer Nashville conference
(http://www.killernashville.com), so I know what a big job something like this
would be. Kudos to you.
13.Larissa Says:
Hi Jaden-Thanks. (c: So from you peeps who have done this sort of thing beforeaside from Facebook and word-o-mouth and awesome friend’s with awesome
blogs, is there another super obvious way to get the word out that I”m missing? I
know generally that things don’t heat up with fundraisers ’til the end (telethon
mentality) but I’m trying to make sure I have lots of build up for when it gets
down to the wire. (c:
Hi, all, and thanks for keeping this conversation hopping (Wumsy’s word) along
without me. Maybe I should turn this blog into The Question of the Day and then
just get out of the way.
Riss, I join with everyone in hoping this year’s Fringe is the best yet, and you
really should get in touch with my brother, who doesn’t make offers lightly. And
Jaden, I want to go to Killer Nashville, but I need to figure the whole thing out.
When is it this year?
I’ve never raised funds except for me to spend, so I’m no expert here. Seems to
me you might think of prizes — donated works of art, tickets to the events, etc. —
and offer them to donors on a raffle basis. That’s about as creative as I can be at
the moment.
15.Suzanna Says:
Hi, Riss
I’ve raised money twice and frankly it’s a heck of a lot of work but if you target
the right groups of people you’d be surprised how many will come forward in
support of your cause.
Since you won’t have a lot of time to try to apply for a grant of some kind here are
some quick fundraiser activities that will only cost you your time.
Tim’s right, one really attractive item or package to raffle can help you raise a lot
of money.
Are there community art organizations, cooperatives, museums, foundries,
galleries, art stores, workshops that might lend you a hand in selling raffle tickets?
If they have a newsletter of some kind maybe they could post your fundraiser plea
for you?
Facebook of course is a really good way to get the word out. See if you can get
your friends to post a plea on their facebook status.
I noticed on your website that you are willing to donate some of your work in
exchange for as little as five bucks. Now that’s the spirit!
Is there someone high on the visual art food chain in your area who you think
might be willing to host a private studio visit for a few people? Or some kind of
demonstration of their work process? Then see if a local restaurant will throw in
dinner for the artist and the group?
Just a few ideas that might help you out. Very best of luck. Remember there are
people out there who want to help you just have to find them.
You are doing something so special I wish you all the best!
16.Larissa Says:
Tim-Great idea. (c: And yes, thanks to everyone for continuing to humor me! (c:
The Kickstarter fundraiser comes with shiny cool prizes attached to it so you
actually get something for your money. I think holding an actual raffle, live and in
person, would be a great companion idea though. I don’t know why I didn’t think
of it….
I will most definitely be getting in touch with your brother-emailing him made it
on to my To Do list! Up near the top even! (c:
17.Larissa Says:
March 1st, 2011 at 5:51 am
Suzanna-Awesome suggestions. I’m looking into some cool raffle-y ideas ever
since yesterday. I’m taking notes for sure. (c: Without hoarding more of Tim’s
blog space for all of this, would you mind if I sent you an email to further bounce
some ideas around? (c:
Thanks.
18.Suzanna Says:
Hi, Riss
Really happy the suggestions helped. I’d be glad to bounce some ideas around.
You can reach me via e mail at [email protected].
Perpetual Blog Motion, Day 150 (!): 75% Reunion
February 26th, 2011
It had been forty years since we all saw each other. In defiance of actuarial tables, we were all still
alive.
And even healthy. Three of the members of the obscure but oddly satisfying band The Pleasure Fair
reunited last week at Chez Nous in North Hollywood, where we monopolized a big table for about
three hours and tried the patience of a waitress who has surely earned the points necessary for heaven.
The Pleasure Fair, as some of you are probably bored to be reminded, was made of of Michele
Cochrane (center above, obviously), Stephen Cohn (right above), moi (the only one remaining), and
Robb Royer, who was in Nashville and thus is not pictured. We were together for I actually have no
idea how many years and made a bunch of records, including a single (or two) as The Rainy Day
People — a name of which I have no memory whatsoever — an album, and several singles as The
Pleasure Fair with all personnel intact.
Then, minus Michele, who had left to go back to real life, we cut another single with an R&B singer
who had performed with the great but short-lived girl group The Exciters (“Tell Him”). I’m ashamed to
say I can’t remember the name of the singer from The Exciters. (This memory thing is kind of a
distressing theme, but it’s nothing new.) I thought The Exciters had a magical sound but I guess it
didn’t keep all its potency when it was mixed with ours.
And then the band broke up. Robb went into a little group called Bread, Stephen moved to Venice
Beach and reinvented himself, and I kept body and soul together and learned a great deal I hadn’t
previously known about pharmaceuticals. Michele sang in touring shows and then married a brilliant
comic and writer named Murray Roman, who was unfortunately killed an an automobile accident
several days after the birth of their only child, a daughter.
During the decades that followed, Stephen wrote songs, cut a solo LP, created music for television and
films, won an Emmy, and gradually turned himself into one of the nation’s few active and successful
composers of “serious” (quotations are mine) concert music. Robb sold 31 trillion records, won an
Oscar, and wrote a clutch of Top Ten songs. Michele became a national advocate for Down’s
Syndrome research, continued performing, and married Lou Shaw, a legendary Hollywood writerproducer and the creator of “Quincy,” with Jack Klugman.
I invented several careers for myself doing jobs no one else had ever had thought of, involving the
juncture between corporate money and the arts, and then started writing books.
While Robb, Stephen, and I had remained in touch, we’d all lost sight of Michele until she was
discovered by an indefatigable Brit named Malcolm Searles, who tracked us all down and asked us
questions for his forthcoming book on Bread. (And if it tells the truth, it’ll be a doozy.) I feel guilty
that I’m the only one who never replied to Malcolm’s interview request.
One thing that struck me as I sat there with Michele and Stephen was how few of the bands that were
on the scene when we were — The Beatles, the Stones, The Beach Boys, The Kinks, etc. — are all still
above ground. Most of them are missing at least one member, and in some cases, more.
And we’re not only here, we’re also not totally repulsive, and we’re all still involved in things we care
about. What made the light of good fortune shine on our little group and blink out on folks like the
Beach Boys, with three gone, and the Beatles? Why hasn’t the one of us who could afford it, Robb,
turned into some drug-ravaged rock-and-roll Norma Desmond? How come all four of us have been
allowed to remain creative and engaged?
Why us, I wonder?
your own site.
22 Responses to “Perpetual Blog Motion, Day 150 (!): 75% Reunion”
1. Beth Says:
Blessings are gifts that should not be questioned.
One of the quickest ways to make oneself crazy is to continually question one’s
good fortune. It leads to negative thinking and behavior such as constantly
looking up at the sky, searching for the fissure that proves that the sky is about to
fall.
On the other hand, getting rooted in examining life as a series of disasters, the
negative “why me” question, keeps one mired in the muck so that glessing and
good fortune are missed.
So, “why us, I wonder?” Why not? On the other hand, I bet all of you have other
aspects of your lives that have been hit with a sledgehammer.
2. Suzanna Says:
I don’t know how to answer why you were all blessed with creative engaged lives
while many in your generation were not so fortunate. All I know is that it’s a
wonderful thing to see you successfully living your dream of writing full time. I
really appreciate how hard you’ve worked to actualize this dream. You are an
inspiration, Tim.
3. Malcolm Searles Says:
THRILLED to see you guys all smiling together again. Maybe Robb can make the
next gathering …
Regards from that ‘indefatigable’ Brit !
Suzanna, thanks. It’s been a long slog, but mostly fun. As Lyle Lovett sings, “I’ve
had an excellent time so far
There’s on;y one thing that I fear
I been up so long on this lucky star
It could be all downhill from here.”
Hey, Malcolm, thanks for bringing us together.
You’re right, Beth. It’s like getting the long half of the wishbone and then being
upset that you can’t break it again to make sure.
Oh Tim, You all look so wonderful according to my arithmetic, Sometimes, I
think it’s all a crapshoot. We end up where we end up, and do the best we can with
what we get and thank the Gods for their kindness. I am so glad you are doing
what you want to be doing, for you and for us.
7. Debbi Says:
I agree with Beth regarding both blessings and negatives. Never second guess
good fortune, but don’t get bogged down in despair over setbacks, either. Simply
be grateful for what you have.
It’s easy for people to overlook things they enjoy and take for granted. Maybe you
guys had your heads together enough to realize happiness wasn’t something that
could be chased and captured with a net, you know? I think a lot of people make
the mistake of thinking if they had enough money, fame, adulation, etc.,
everything will be fine. But nope. It doesn’t work that way. So … maybe you guys
just knew that?
I don’t know. Just a thought.
A big cheer from a long-time Pleasure Fair fan. Each one of you is an inspiration.
And I never tire of hearing “Put It Out Of Your Mind.” What a gorgeous classic.
9. Jaden Says:
So, Tim, where can we get The Pleasure Fair CDs? Or The Rainy Day People
(which is such a great name that I may steal it for a title one of these days).
I for one am glad you’ve been so blessed. At the risk of being egocentric, it means
more, more, more Poke Rafferty for me.
10.Robb Royer Says:
1. Damn sorry I missed it but I probably would have brought down the looks
quotient. Why am I the only one with grey hair?
2. I don’t think I got paid on 30.9999 trillion of those records.
3. I AM a drug ravaged Norma Desmond thank you very much.
4. Pic did warm my heart, tho.
11.Robb Royer Says:
More…
5. The girl who sang Gonna Have to let You Go was also named Michele.
6. Boy, who knows about that fickle finger of fate thing? Three of the Breaddies
are dead leaving just me and David. Sometimes I feel like the two of us are in a
tontine.
12.Larissa Says:
In some ways it’s a crapshoot but in others, I think it’s deeper than just
coincidence. Sometimes people who have good heads on their shoulders but do
crazy, crazy things with it manage to retain just a smidge of rationale that says,
“yes, we will get through this but for right now, we’re just having fun” and I think
that’s what keeps them afloat.
Others, fall into that cycle and lose entire sight of their logic and their self and
never resurface again.
So, well done in winning the tug-o-war with all of your psyches. For now at
least. ;0)
Hi, Lil and thanks for the compliment. It actually occurred to me during the time
we were together that no one ever says, “You look wonderful” until you really
don’t, except on good days. This was a good day, and thanks for spotting it.
Debbi, at the time we were together we were chasing happiness in its most elusive
form, rock stardom. And Robb is the only one who achieved it, and it turned him
into a drug-ravaged Norma Desmond recluse while the rest of us remained fresh
and happy. If I learned anything from all this — if I could boil my primary life
lesson into a single sentence, it would be this: Be where the luck is and stay there.
Virtually everything good that’s ever happened to me was luck and the talent to
spot it when it arrived and try to do whatever was necessary to hold onto it.
John, you’re the online campfire around which we’ve all gathered all these years,
and for anyone who’s interested in learning more, you’ll have a great time at
http://www.jlindquist.net/bread/
Jaden, I can’t speak for the others but since I have no memory of ever having been
a Rainy Day Person, it’s all yours as far as I’m concerned. As for the Pleasure Fair
CDs, I think some of the songs are available as mp3 downloads — I remember
seeing a couple somewhere –but I don’t know where. Sometimes obscurity is
kind, and I think that’s true of my singing, although Michele sounds great, and
Robb and Stephen were always on top of things.
Robb, you’re the only one who’s gray because of all the drugs, not to mention the
life-in-the-fast-lane lifestyle, what with kids to bring up and all. And, of course,
there are hair stylists. I thought about Bread when I wrote that line. Really, really
hard to figure it out. The only thing I can attribute it to is luck. And I do appreciate
the irony that you and David are the surviving members of Bread, which kind of
eliminates any prospect of a reunion.
14.Robb Royer Says:
No reunion… definitely. Maybe a man-kini mud pit fight
Stephen Cohn tried to post but was repelled by Captcha, taking its sentry duties a
bit over-seriously. This is what he wanted to say:
Beth is also right about the sledgehammer. However, our reunion did bring Tim’s
perspective into focus and it’s an inspiring affirmation of why we endured the
blows.
Robb — Can I have the T-shirt concession?
17.Debbi Says:
18.Lisa Formica Says:
I’m so happy to see you all reunited, thanks Malcolm! I think it has a lot to do
with Fate, and like Tim said be where the luck is. Wow, this has really made my
week! I hope to see more from you talented group, in the near future, thank you so
much for sharing this happy occasion!
19.Dean James Adshead Says:
March 2nd, 2011 at 10:13 am
Nice to see all of you are alive and well! Hi Robb! May I take this opportunity to
say The Pleasure Fair album is terrific. As Robb will agree, I’m possibly your
(introduced via Bread) youngest fan at 22!
Probably best not having a Bread reunion, I can’t imagine Gates having an
amazing vocal range these days anyway… Although I would pay good money to
see the man-kini mud pit fight!
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:38 am
Well, Debbi, that dress weighed ninety pounds. We almost lost Michele when a
car drove by as we were shooting, and the next thing we knew, Michele was ten
feet away, stuck to the driver’s door. Close call.
Hi, Lisa, and I’m so glad you’re happy to see us. It’s actually looking like a 100%
reunion may be on the cards sometime in the next month, with Robb flying out
from Nashville.
Hi, Dean, I remember being 22, although not very clearly. I sort of hope you’re
having a better time than I was. I’d give Robb a ten-point edge in the mud against
David.
21.Judy Says:
March 4th, 2011 at 9:47 am
I love reunions. This is simply a wonderful re-grouping and it is good to know
you’re all doing so well. In my doing a biography on James Griffin, your names
of course came up time and again. I cherish those flashbacks to the 60s and 70s.
Though it’s not always the case, of course, it probably was wise you didn’t stay
together longer! The question of how to spell the group name was brought up
often and gave reason to wonder where are they now. Thanks for sharing.
March 4th, 2011 at 1:27 pm
Hi, Judy — It was a lot of fun. Have you finished your biography on Jimmy? Has
it been published? Robb, do you know about it?
Would love to read it if it’s in print.
And I don’t think I could have told you with certainty six months ago whether
“Fair” ended in an “e.” I think we used it both ways.
[untitled]
February 28th, 2011
A hangover question from the 75% reunion: what’s it all about?
I posed the question in that post about why all four of us from that band are still here and thriving.
Your responses suggested several answers — or, at least, creative ways to think about it. In my own
answer to Debbi Mack’s response, I said, “If I learned anything from all this — if I could boil my
primary life lesson into a single sentence, it would be this: “Be where the luck is and stay there.
Virtually everything good that’s ever happened to me was luck and the talent to spot it when it arrived
and try to do whatever was necessary to hold onto it.”
Luck is certainly among the least tangible aspects of our lives. It goes under all sorts of fancier labels
— coincidence, fate, and karma, to name a few — but in my largely nontheological world view, those
things come down mostly to luck.
And, when you think about it, we have about as much influence on coincidence, karma, and fate as we
do on luck. Which is to say zero, or close enough to zero as to be functionally indistinguishable from
it.
I walked into a classroom at UCLA one night as a guest lecturer in a course on entertainment-industry
PR, and my future wife was sitting there. She might have skipped class — she’d been thinking about
it. I might have continued swilling champagne — I was about three-fifths drunk and bordering on late
when I came through the door. But neither of those things happened. The evening changed my life in
ways I couldn’t have begun to imagine back there, and it was sheer dumb luck.
A great movie from about 12 years ago, “Run Lola Run,” illustrates this brilliantly. A young woman in,
I think, Berlin, gets a phone call from her boyfriend. A drug deal has gone wrong; the money he was
carrying to the purchase is gone. If he doesn’t get 100,000 marks within 20 minutes, he’s going to rob
a supermarket.
Lola starts to run. she does everything she can to get the money, and she does, but she’s three seconds
too late, and her boyfriend is killed.
We’re back in Lola’s apartment and the phone rings again. Everything starts over. This time, when she
leaves the apartment, she turns left instead of right.
In all, Lola makes the run three times. Infinitesimal variations of circumstances decide whether each
ends tragically or happily. (If you haven’t seen the movie, get it.)
I know someone whose sister missed one of the 9/11 planes. I know, with one degree of separation,
someone whose sister was on one of them. How do you explain that?
I’m not saying that we succeed or fail purely because of luck. It’s the first part, being where luck is,
that’s probably unmanageable and out of our hands. Staying where luck is, is often a process of patient
work, getting better and stronger at what we do, plus the courage to overcome reversals as they arise.
But even then, we’re lucky if all this self-directed progress isn’t terminated by a cell going wonky and
spreading through our bodies or our not being prevented by a traffic jam from getting on the wrong
plane.
So we can approach life consciously, develop your talents, exercise persistence and discrimination, live
a (relatively) blameless life, and then make a left instead of a right, and it all can come tumbling down.
Or we can blunder your way through a patch of poison oak to the end of a rainbow.
It’s probably not healthy to think about it too much.
This entry was posted on Monday, February 28th, 2011 at 12:02 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
13 Responses to “”
1. EverettK Says:
I think luck surrounds us each and every day, in plethora. It’s a question of
making the right choices. My life is littered with an immense amount of “good
luck” (right choices at the right moment) and a fair amount of bad luck (screwed
the choice). Occasionally it seems to be good or bad beyond the realm of my
choice, but one has to wonder…
re: Run, Lola, Run. Yes, excellent short film! Another along this line is “Sliding
Doors” with Gwyneth Paltrow, one of my favorite movies (not because she’s in it,
but because of the storyline and the way it was presented). If you’ve not seen it,
she plays someone who is fired from her job, and as she’s descending into the
subway on the way home, she is delayed VERY slightly on the stairs, and misses
catching the train as the doors slide shut. Then they back her up in reverse, and
this time she dances down the stairs avoiding the delay and catches the train. The
rest of the movie follows the two story lines and depicts how the two ‘lives’
diverge from that small incident. Wonderfully done, well worth seeking out if
you’ve never seen it.
A book that I love that is sort of like Run Lola Run, is REPLAY by Ken
Grimwood. It’s sort of like the movie “Groundhog Day”, but written in 1988
(preceding the movie), and rather than being a day that repeats, it’s a large portion
of the main character’s life. I’m pleasantly surprised to find that it’s been released
on Kindle this past September, and paper copies can be found on Amazon and
abebooks.com.
And I actually think it IS healthy to think about it, Tim. A life examined is one of
the best ways to improve the remainder of said life.
And thanks for sharing the very brief mention of how you and Munyin met. I’ve
meaning to ask you if you were ever going to write any about that, or if you and
Munyin considered that too private for public exhibition.
2. Tom Logan Says:
Yes. However, people can make their own luck, can take advantage of the luck
that befalls them (or not), blame their rotten life on bad luck (not their fault), and
develop the intelligence to recognize luck and use it. I suspect that your life with
your wife, while initiated by “sheer dumb luck,” was followed by an intelligent,
thoughtful pursuit. I have had my share of good luck in my life, and bad, have
recognized it for what it was and made the most of it. Thanks for the blog.
A friend of mine once, “Fate presents us with choices.” Or to put it differently,
people, things, and events show up in our lives, and what we do with them is up to
us-to use our talents, judgments, and good will to “move it forward.” Jung used
the word synchronicity-as you’ve discussed here-to talk about the strangeness of
having things go right when we do the right thing, but you can’t MAKE that
happen. It just does. He also talked about moving the dream forward, which can
be very hard work. So the wisest thing is to do is to live well and wisely, except
for sometimes, and to be open to what experience has to offer. We can’t think
about this all the time; we wouldn’t be living then. Life is a dance-and to
paraphrase some one else-the only one that is. Just a bunch of thoughts your blog
evoked, thanks, everybody.
4. EverettK Says:
As Tom alludes to (and I should have mentioned in my first reply), attitude is
really a large part of the difference between “good luck” and “bad luck” (or “no
luck”). A nice positive attitude will often carry you through to the ‘right’ choice,
where a negative attitude will often do just the opposite.
But attitude, after all, is a choice. Perhaps the most important one.
5. Sharai Says:
Another question to ponder: Why is it that you have done so many things in years
past to kill as many brains cells as fast as possible, yet your brain still works so
incredibly well, better than most?!!!!!!!!! She asks timidly with love and affection.
I personally think luck is just an interpretation. It’s how we explain why events
turned out a particular way when we don’t have high enough altitude to know the
real reason.
But for your original question: What’s it all about? I know the answer to that.
What’s it all about? Alfie.
you have to be aware of how you are approaching something. Sometimes it is
hard to come out of the snit or mood, or a lifetime of entrenched belief systems in
OK, hit the limit.
8. EverettK Says:
Lil: The snarkiness, no doubt, comes from being raised in a family where my
And as one of Tim’s heroes would say, “You think I look nice and friendly?” he
And I agree, Lil, CHOOSING to give up on a good snit or anger or depression can
be one of the hardest things there is to learn to do! And yes, entrenched belief
systems from our up-bringing can make it even harder. It reminds me of a
country-western (of which I listen to very little…) song that was sung by Kathy
Mattea:
We’re all just seeds, in God’s hands.
We start the same, but where we land
Is sometimes fertile soil, and sometimes sand.
We’re all just seeds, in God’s hands.
I hand-wave the “God’s hands” part, as I’m not a Christian believer, but I do love
the image the song brings to mind, regarding how we don’t have a lot of choice
where we start. But we DO have a choice where we go from there. It’s harder for
some than for others, and thereby hangs many a great novel.
9. Debbi Says:
“Run Lola Run” is a really awesome movie.
When you come down to it, we have only so much control. Some things are
imposed on us, and we choose how to respond. It’s a bit simplistic to say that we
can determine our fates completely, because there’s always an X factor (accident,
sickness, disability, death, etc.) that could intervene. Not that you were saying
That said, I do believe that we can make our own luck through taking positive
steps toward a definable goal, if that makes any sense.
10.Jaden Says:
I think about this sort of thing often, Tim. I’ve been blessed in so many ways and
feel lucky to have met so very many people like yourself who have mentored and
befriended me. I agree with some of the others that a large part of luck is seeing
the good things when they arrive, making a conscious effort to do the best you can
with them, and being grateful for them. The more grateful we are for what we
have, the more opportunities and blessings we see.
As for the random wrong left turn or the treacherous cell, I try not to think about
them, mostly because I’m a coward at heart.
11.Larissa Says:
It’s amazing what happens when you get everyone thinking about their positions
in life and what led them there! Great conversation! (c: I have to admit with
Jaden-I don’t think a whole lot about the “what if’s” because I’m not comfortable
with stakes that high just yet. I am working on that, however, because I do believe
that a lot of where we end up is where we believe we will end up. And a gnawing,
lingering fear of something that sometimes be mistaken for a belief. (So many
religions use fear-mongering…)
Life can be, in some terms, a self-fulfilling prophecy and while you have to be
aware and respect the fact that you could miss your step, take the wrong plane or
leave your keys inside in the wrong parking lot at the wrong time, that exact
potential of the unknown should make us more grateful for the moments we do
have. Which all sounds a bit Hallmark-y but there is something to be said for
sending out a Thank You vibe to the ether and all the people who have helped us
along the way.
(c: Great post as always.
12.Rachel Brady Says:
I like this post and thread. It seems to me that the likelihood of luck is higher for
those who choose to show up for life. Just by going “out” and doing “stuff” where
“people” are… opportunities open everywhere.
“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” -Seneca
You guys don’t need me. I think from now on, I’ll just throw the ball into the air
and let you all bat it back and forth while I preen in front of my three-way mirror.
Working on a certain fall of hair that takes twenty years off my right profile. After
I’ve got that nailed, I’ll go to work on always presenting my right profile.
Where was I?
It seems to me that you guys have taken this much father, and thought it through
more completely, than I did in the original post.
Everett, I think we need luck even when we do the tiniest things. We handle sharp
knives daily, we make left turns in cars, we cross streets, we confide in people, we
decide whether to be flattered by a publisher’s offer for a book (low advance) or
go ahead and pub it ourselves as an e-book, etc. etc, etc. In some situations — the
sharp knife, for example — the potential upside is minimal and the potential
downside could be enormous. That’s why we have the concept of “careful” in
addition to the concept of luck. I guess relatively conscious living is the best
solution here, as it is for practically everything else. Not easy to maintain, though.
Re: the movies, the Koreans are crazy about these themes and make movie after
movie about it, some of them wonderful.
Hi, Tom — I agree that we need to make an effort to stay in the luck when we
encounter it, but in a relationship it’s also luck (I think) that the person whom you
met through dumb luck is willing to reciprocate your efforts to take full advantage
of the meeting. I’m writing right now about unworkable love — a relationship
between two people, each of whom has replaced the other with a wholly
inaccurate fantasy –so I’m thinking about this a lot.
Lil, thanks for my new credo: “The wisest thing is to do is to live well and wisely,
except for sometimes, and to be open to what experience has to offer.” Spot on.
The “except for sometimes” is brilliant.
Sharai, it’s because I have friends to help me along the way and to remind me of
all the stuff I’ve committed to and then forgotten. And who stimulate the better
parts of my nature.
Laren, I agree that we lack the proper elevation, and I know that most spiritual
odysseys are in pursuit of that elevation. Karma has always seemed to me to be
the best explanation of luck or fate, but it’s nothing I can work with, if you know
what I mean — I’m helpless in the face of karma. For all functional purposes, it’s
indistinguishable from luck.
Lil, the question is how someone as snarky as Everett can look so nice and
friendly. When you realize that this is a guy who can critique a marginal
observation in dialogue that water conducts electricity with this: “WATER is not a
conductor. It’s only IMPURE water that will conduct electricity, because of the
ionized materials that are dissolved in the water.” Okay, so he’s right. But I mean .
. . Okay, so he’s right.
Hi, Debbi — I was actually saying just that — that at times all we do to hang onto
our luck and to move forward can be negated once and for all by chance, luck,
karma, fate, whatever you want to call it. All we can do is make those positive
steps toward a definable goal as though we are going to be allowed to continue the
progress, because otherwise we never move at all.
Hi, Jaden – No, it doesn’t make much sense about the malign aspects of chance or
whatever we want to call it because there’s not much of anything we can do about
them anyway. Take care of your health and you can still get hit by a car. As they
used to say in “The Fugitive, “But in the darkness Fate moved its heavy hand.” Or
something like that.
Hi, Riss — dead right, life can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s difficult, when
you live like Charlie Sheen, to describe landing in the hospital three times in six
months as “luck,” but that’s what he did yesterday. I think we need to do all the
positive things we can do: make goals, show up, do our best, take care of each
other, seek fulfillment on several levels, and leave it to the amulet we wear or our
collection of four-leaf clovers to ward off that hope-defeating stroke of bad luck.
Hey, Rachel — totally agree. Do it and do it as well as you can. Be aware when
things have turned lucky. Wear a hard hat in a construction zone.
Blogathon, Day 152: Krung Thep
March 1st, 2011
It’s nice to be back in Bangkok, at least in my imagination.
The new Poke thriller, THE GROWING YOUNGER MAN, is nearing the 10,000-word point, and it
reads very well, although readers are going to have to wait a bit to see where any single one of the story
threads is going, much less how it connects to the others.
But they shouldn’t have to wait, I hope, as long as they did in BREATHING WATER, I was amazed at
the fact that people allowed me to get away with suspending the story thread about the runaway beggar
girl and her newly acquired baby for as long as I did. It wasn’t until well into the first quarter of the
book that there was even a hint (I think) of how it might connect to Poke and the other story elements.
So far, we have:
A quick, virtuoso murder in a brand-new, high-rise condominium, in a living room that is literally
above the evening’s low-hanging rain clouds. The murder is seen mainly on a panel of security video
screens being watched by three dead people.
A 12-year-old Vietnamese kid whom we met in THE QUEEN OF PATPONG, Andrew Nguyen, on a
school bus, carefully avoiding contact with Miaow (part of a mutual pact of not attracting attention) as
he realizes he’s lost his second $400 iPhone in a month and he is dead when he gets home. Breaks all
the rules and goes to sit next to Miaow.
Poke, in the Bangkok Tofu Palace, one of the city’s new and unwelcome (to Poke, anyway) health food
restaurants, meeting with The Growing Younger Man, who’s called Poke there to discuss the
disappearance of the Burmese prostitute — in a handcuff house, where the girls are prisoners — with
whom The Growing Younger Man has fallen in love. Poke’s Rule Number One for survival in
Bangkok is never to become involved in an expat’s romantic affairs, and Rule Number Two is never,
ever to become involved in an expat’s romantic affairs when they involve a pro. But he listens, and for
a couple of reasons, takes it seriously enough to promise he’ll discuss it with Rose.
Andrew and Miaow negotiating the alleys of Little India to find the shops that sell stolen cell phones,
looking for the model Andrew lost. They buy it, and in the back of a cab on the way home, Andrew is
playing with it and finds a series of photos of a thickset, no-nonsense middle-aged Thai man on the
streets. It is immediately apparent to both of them that the subject of the pictures has no idea he is
being photographed. Andrew says, “He looks kind of familiar. I think I’ve seen him before.”
Arthit, in a room in the police station, with a television and a DVD. Beside him is a woman in her midthirties who is a deaf-mute. She’s a professor in a first-rate school for the hearing impaired, and the
police have called her in several times to help with silent video evidence. They watch the murder
several times and from two angles before she can say with certainty what it is the killer said to the
victim before shooting him several times in the head. It was, “Three women. Five Children.”
Throughout the scene, we’ve been aware that Arthit and the woman are interested in each other. When
she’s finished, she invites him out for a cup of coffee.
The next three scenes will take these threads to a point at which some of them begin to converge, and
will also begin another one, one that will affect and color everything in the book.
It all feels good to me so far; it feels like I’ve got the ground underneath me. I probably won’t get lost
and panic for another 15,000-20,000 words.
It feels good to be back in this world.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011 at 1:41 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can follow
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10 Responses to “Blogathon, Day 152: Krung Thep”
1. Suzanna Says:
March 1st, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Thanks for letting us take a peek into what you’re working on. Now, please hurry
up so we can read this for real. When will that be anyway?
Love the photo up top. In fact I want to be there right about now, sipping
something fruity. Any idea where that is?
2. Tim Says:
Hi, Sooz — That’s the traditional Thai house in Bangkok that was long the home
of the writer, scholar, and Thai prime minister Kukrit Pramoj, one of the better
people to hold that job in the past 20-30 years. A distant member of the Royal
family, he was a staunch Royalist, but in an age when virtually all Thais were
Royalists.
THE GROWING YOUNGER MAN won’t come out until 2012 because of the
shift from one publisher to another. Otherwise, it would have been due in August
of this year.
You’re getting to be the Dickens of Bangkok, Tim. Young Andrew gets TWO
$400 iPhones a month? Why isn’t he dead after the first one?
4. EverettK Says:
Welcome back to ImagiBangkok, Tim! Now I’m getting itchy to start Breathing
Water…. have to pace myself or I’ll start getting the withdrawal shakes! Your
summary of the TGYM is very enticing, it makes my LitStomach ™ growl.
5. Bonnie Says:
I am so happy you are working on another Poke. I actually re-read all 4 again this
weekend, making that a second re-read (unprecedented) in less than a year–in fact,
I think I got the free version of Nail in August during the pre-Queen promotion. I
am hoping you will let us have another look at Da and Boo, too. Is it Prettyman
you wish you could have had back from the dead?
Oh lovely, picture and preview. This is why I don’t devour your books, but nibble
at them delicately. There is another Junior soon, isn’t there?
7. Tom Logan Says:
I am happy now. Thanks for the preview.
Hi, Philip — The first one was stolen, but he lost the second, and his father is a
Vietnamese badass. This is a real crisis, although when I went back into the scene
this afternoon to polish it, it went into a completely new direction that I love but
have no idea how to work into a book that already probably has too many plot
elements.
Thanks, Everett, ImagiBangkok it is, and it’s really relaxing to be back. As I just
said to Philip above one scene has changed drastically and another is tending that
way, so this opening sequence may be nostalgia in a fee days.
Hi, Bonnie: TWO REREADS? Does that mean you’ve read them each three
times, or was it one read and a reread? I’m not sure even I could read them three
times. I hadn’t thought about Da and Boo in the soon-to-be-abandoned Master
Plan for the book, but that probably actually means they have a better chance of
wandering into the field of action.
Yaaayyy, Lil. There is another Junior, but much to my surprise there is also
suddenly publisher interest in it. We’ll know something in a week or so. I’ll send
it to you in e-book form one way or the other.
Thanks, Tom, and if it makes you happy, it makes me happy, too. Just don’t expect
any of this (except the murder) to be in the book, although it all might be.
9. Larissa Says:
March 2nd, 2011 at 8:15 pm
I”m glad to hear you’re back in your old stomping grounds again! (c: I’m excited
to see where it all goes. You’re going to try to kill us with the suspense…sort of
makes sense given your genre.
(c:
Hi, Riss — I’m excited to see where it goes, too. Half of what I described has
already changed substantially, and I’m loving writing the beginning of a new
relationship for Arthit. It’s a good thing I got the murder into the first chapter,
because otherwise this would be a pretty leisurely start.
Bloggosaurus Rex, Day 153: Enter Title Here
March 2nd, 2011
ENTER TITLE HERE are almost the first words I see every day.
I come downstairs, caffeinate until I can think in complete sentences but not until I become Charlie
Sheen, and turn on the computer. Go to the “Dashboard” for this blog, clear away the 30 or 40 spam
offers of penis enlargement pills and opportunities to get millions of dollars out of Nigerian banks, and
hit ADD NEW POST.
And see ENTER TITLE HERE. Not the easiest route to inspiration, being in the imperative and all.
Still, most days, I sail past it, having grabbed onto some fragmentary thought, or having actually
experienced something, in my increasingly solitary life, that’s interesting enough to blog about. (It was
actually easier to come up with stuff back in the rainbow days of Wumsy and Universal Sweetness, but
I had the sense that others were tiring of it.)
On the other hand, some days I hit those words and feel like a test crash dummy.
Today is obviously one of those days. And no wonder, what with this being the 153rd day and all.
So I thought I’d make a transparent play for sympathy by listing some of the things I’m not doing
when I see ENTER TITLE HERE.
I’m not telling you jokes anyone else told me.
I’m not writing about the upcoming, world-paradigm-shifting nuptials of Prince William and what’sher-name.
I’m not writing the almost requisite “think piece” on why stars such as Lohan and Sheen go so
tragically awry and placing it in the larger framework of this era of instant gratification and then
moving global to suggest that this is the kind of wretched excess that fuels militant Islam. Anyway, I
don’t believe it. Those guys are just pissed off because they’re ignorant, benighted, permanently
hotwired paupers who can’t find the toilet paper in a Charmin factory and whose reaction to everything
is to blow it up or cut off its head.
I’m not pushing for re-evaluation of rockers from the 60s and 70s who have been consigned to the
Aged Cheese shelf when they were so clearly better than that. One example: Neil Diamond. I know
that nobody ever wants to hear “Cracklin’ Rosie” again, but turn it up and listen anyway: Cracklin
Rosie
I’m not criticizing Anne Hathaway for her performance on the Oscars, although there was a time in my
life when I’d be trying to find out what, exactly, James Franco was on and how expensive it was.
I’m not doing rants, unless you count that mild paragraph up there about militant Islam. I’ve learned
my lesson about rants.
So let me turn it over to you. What else should I not do as the search for topics becomes even more
desperate? Is there anything you definitely don’t want to see in this space ever?
This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011 at 10:58 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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11 Responses to “Bloggosaurus Rex, Day 153: Enter Title Here”
1. EverettK Says:
The name S*r*h P*l*n.
Pictures of same.
The name G**rg* W B*sh.
Pictures of the same.
The names you have for your Johnson.
Pictures of you in your bath robe with your legs spread.
However, to be a glass-half-full guy, I WOULD like to see:
Snippets of current writing.
Stories from your past.
Your thoughts on most any subject. I suspect we could pick just about ANY
subject, the more boring the better, and you could write an entertaining blog on it.
For example, tell us about mold. How does it affect you personally? Where does it
live in your house? Do you consider it a friend or an enemy? Do you think mold is
political? Should mold be eradicated from the face of the earth? Why or why not?
Do you think DaVinci left secret messages in the DNA of mold?
Enquiring minds, and all that…
2. Suzanna Says:
I could live out my life completely satisfied without another word about the
Kardashian family and all of the others in the completely played out reality TV
category.
Other than that topic I welcome more of the kinds of explorations you have come
up with already and even some of the ones you’ve listed today as ones you won’t
be covering.
In particular I have enjoyed your own real life stories.
If I may, since you brought it up, my guess is Franco smoked some weed. By the
looks of him at his pre-show interview I was amazed he could see straight and
read or say his lines. Anne Hathaway could have used a little of what he had. Her
chipper factor was off the charts. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
Don’t despair Timmy, it doesn’t matter what you write. Most of us will show up
regardless.
You know, maybe you can try to blog about whatever you randomly select.
Sounds deadly in a way, especially if you select something really weird like
fungus research but if you’re in a pinch for a topic just design something similar
to what some of us did here a little while ago to name a band, find an album title,
and cover art. You could figure out a way to only use sites that would avoid things
like fungus research. Just a thought.
3. Suzanna Says:
Oh how hilarious. I hadn’t seen Everett’s suggestion to write about mold before I
wrote about ways to avoid writing about fungus. I guess you must be completely
confused now.
P.S. Forget everything I said. Write whatever you want.
4. EverettK Says:
Great minds, Suzanna, great minds!
So how disappointed were you in the Academy Awards? I’m with Suzanna on
Anne Hathaway, but at least she was a trooper-I mean, who is James Franco? I
don’t think mold is a topic I could get exercised about, but write what you want.
I’m with the others-I would love to hear more about your Asian travels, and what
you think about the philosophy, spiritual and practicality of what you’ve seen, and
how it was to become immersed in L.A. culture. See how interesting you are.
Just pick a topic and go for it, Tim. What you write about is not nearly as
important as how you write about it (it helps if you recall Guy de Maupassant’s
short story, A Piece of String); pick the most innocuous subject you can think of,
then surprise everyone.
7. Gary Says:
Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V.
When in doubt just plagiarize. If it’s good enough for (former) Doctor Baron KarlTheodor zu Guttenberg then it’s good enough for the rest of us.
[Disclaimer: I copied the "Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V" idea from the BBC website, but I
changed their + into -. So it's not really copying, is it?]
8. Robb Royer Says:
I’m getting a little verklemt… tap dance Tim… I’ll give you some topics:
1. To what degree was Metternich the last Hobbesean?
2. Did Pico della Mirandola really know everything?
3. What the hell is this string theory thing about?
Discuss…
Everett, actually “Sarah Palin” is one of the names I have for my Johnson. And
I’ve just thought of a really tasteless reason why, which I won’t be sharing here.
And there will never be another picture of me in this blog. after everyone thought
I was shirtless in a bathrobe when I showed you where I write. Shirtless — with a
$40 silk/cotton T-shirt on. I ask you!
The mold piece was half-written when Suzanna’s response landed. Fungus
research is just so much more interesting than mold that I scrapped the mold piece
and am now well into an amusingly presumptuous essay on mushrooms and tree
ears, and why some of them are poisonous while others frequently surface in
Chinese food.
I thought Anne Hathaway had to push it a little just to raise the average to the
point where both hosts were alive and sentient. I wasn’t sure I wasn’t watching the
first Zombie Oscars. Did you read where he flew straight back to NY after the
ceremony, not attending his own party and stranding his grandmother?
Hi, Lil — I think that watching the Academy Awards is one of life’s best
opportunities to exercise Buddhist detachment, since you know that you’re going
to realize, ninety seconds in, that you’ve just committed three hours of your life to
the worst show of the year. But the gowns are pretty, and it’s nice to watch the
world’s most overprivileged people celebrate themselves. It’s such a nice break
from having other people celebrate them.
Hey, Phil, and thanks for the contention, that what I write about is less important
than how I write about it. If that weren’t true, no one would be reading this blog,
since fully one-third of these pieces have essentially been the dribblings of a
writer trying to bring himself up to speed. Still, the most thrilling thing about
writing (and I mean that word “thrilling” literally) is that something frequently
comes from nothing, thereby knocking Fred Hoyle’s deservedly forgotten SteadyState Universe Theory into the inescapable cocked hat.
Gary, I raised Fred Hoyle just by way of demonstrating that I actually AM capable
of dealing with your ever-expanding frame of reference. Karl (etc.) Guttenberg,
for those of you who don’t subscribe to Die Gusundheit, was the Defense Minister
(or something) of Germany before it was revealed (nice passive construction
there) that he’d cribbed his entire doctoral thesis. He was forced to resign, which
is yet another confirmation that German takes doctoral theses more seriously than
we do. And the Ctrl-v thing is a keyboard shortcut (remember those?) for cut-andpaste.
And, Robb, speaking of frames of reference. I’ve written and discarded a piece on
Metternich and Hobbes because the topic is just so worn out. On the other hand, I
remain enamored of a world so smug in its sense that it’s all that matters, that it
could believe that any of its members knows everything. That’s the kind of
thinking we need today. It’s the Palin Construction: When the world seems
complicated, it’s just because there are too many facts lying around.
“When the world seems complicated, it’s just because there are too many facts
lying around.”
Most of them twisted.
11.Larissa Says:
March 3rd, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Here’s one: Recaptcha: They nourf…how do they do that exactly? Go! (c;
Loooonggg Blooooooooggg, Day 154: Pillars of Sloth
March 2nd, 2011
I have a new literary loathing.
It’s actually a movie loathing, too. I don’t know when the trend began, but nowadays the modus
operandi for creating a male or female protagonist when setting a story in the distant past is simply to
write the villains and the extras more or less as people actually were in that era, but make the
protagonists magically modern – to give them “evolved,” and virtually impossible, 21st-century
sensibilities.
You can spot the hero in Ken Follett’s sprawling (and, to me appalling) 12th-century novel The Pillars
of the Earth the moment you meet him. In a community of guys who drink and roister and crack heads
and rape every woman in sight, he’s the one who could be on NPR. He’s sensitive to the plight of
women; he seethes with a keen and apparently instinctual awareness of the fundamental unfairness of
monarchs and nobles oppressing the serfs; he believes in the relatively enervated, genteel Christ of the
past couple of centuries, not the martial spiritual leader of the Christian Soldiers, the Christ of the
Church Militant, who towed the Crusaders into the land of the Infidels.
In the movies, he’s the guy who makes friends with the Moor, demonstrating that he’s also color-blind.
Having a Moor for a friend is an immediate tip-off: hero onscreen.
Compared to the men around him, he’s a wuss. And yet men in these books prize him highly and
compete for his regard. In a real 12th-century village, after rescuing eight or ten wenches from his
fellows, he’d have been castrated and sent to the woods to starve or, if he was musical, to the church as
a castrato.
And the female protagonist burns with indignation at the plight of women, bringing to bear on her
world a perspective regarding female equality that even most American women didn’t really develop
until the 1950s. Furthermore, she kicks ass. To read the vast majority of modern books set in
medieval times or to see the movies, Ye Merrie Greene Forest was a perpetual traffic jam of strapping
wenches toting broadswords and longbows and wearing jerkins and tights.
This kind of behavior, in historical fact, was sufficiently rare that it was one of the pretexts for burning
Joan of Arc at the stake. To read these books and see these films, there was hardly a female of the age
who couldn’t have knocked Little John off that bridge.
(I’m not denying that there were probably rare individuals who felt this way. What I’m saying is that
this anachronistic approach is disgracefully lazy,historically inaccurate, and demonstrates contempt for
the reader.)
What brings all this to mind was reading The Ugly Duchess, a 1923 novel by Lion Feuchtwanger, set in
the Tyrol of the 14th century. Feuchtwanger had a couple of advantages: as a German Jew from a
family of great culture and learning, he actually understood the European past, rather than conceiving it
as a time when people just like you and me wore jerkins and tossed bones to the dogs. Second, he lived
before political correctness blighted even our views of people long dead and gone. (Negro Jim in Huck
Finn, anyone?)
What that means is that Feuchtwanger created his art the hard way: he remained true to the ideas and
sentiments of the fourteenth century and still found ways to make us understand and even identify with
the characters. He took us into a different mindset; he didn’t whore himself out by making all the
sympathetic characters displaced 21st-century sensitives, sparkling against their 14th century
companions like rubies in a dungpile.
He trusted his readers, in other words, to tell good people from bad people even if the good people
were (by our standards) superstitious, bigoted, bloodthirsty, vengeful, anti-semitic, sexist, and at the
same time religiously pious in a way we (or at least I) can barely imagine.
Any modern writer who won’t extend the same faith to his readers is a hack, as far as I’m concerned.
Or he/she isn’t writing “historical fiction,” but historical fantasy, and it should be labeled as such.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011 at 11:25 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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11 Responses to “Loooonggg Blooooooooggg, Day 154: Pillars of Sloth”
1. Dana King Says:
Excellent point. I think publishers are afraid of too much authenticity in historical
heroes, fearing modern readers won’t root for him. It has the same effect on me as
it does on you. “Oh, here’s the good guy. Suspend all disbelief, ye who read past
this point.”
2. EverettK Says:
I agree… sort of. Honestly, ALL historical fiction is “historical fantasy,” some is
just more so than others. You can’t even find two people who agree 100% on the
‘truth’ of current events, let alone events (and behaviors, etc) hundreds or
thousands of years ago, no matter the amount of research and effort that goes into
it. When you come right down to it, EVERYTHING is fiction, whether it’s
something written by Timothy Hallinan, the latest U.S. Census, the weight of a
hydrogen atom, or the distance between two points. It’s only a question of relative
acceptance as ‘truth.’
That said, modern attitudes in historical stories is one of the fastest ways I know
of to drop me out of a story. Sometimes I can accept it and “just go with it,” when
I know that the whole premise is a fantasy. But when the creators are obviously
trying to ‘serious’ about their subject matter, and then insert modern attitudes
where they never existed, that’s just as anachronistic as having William
Shakespeare driving a Toyota Prius through the streets of 16th century London.
Yes, but Feuchtwanger is a word made up of two body parts: foot and wanger. So,
as a writer, Lion had to be very careful so he didn’t end up putting his foot in his
wanger. Follett was not hampered by such concerns so was able to make stuff up
to his heart’s content.
You should know these things, Tim, with all the reading you do.
First, I have the same snarky reaction to stylishly reimagining folk of yore with
Contemporary Sensibilities. And it goes lots of directions…did the good folk of
Deadwood really say “F*<K" that much? Or was it just to let us feel the gritttttt of
the times? And is this reimagining a function of the creation of a form of
entertainment versus any real interest in the events and dynamics of another time?
In which case, I suspect they think accuracy be damned, bring in the box office
receipts! Or is it condescension (a lot a lot alotalot methinks), assuming the
unwashed don't know one era from another. Or is it simply a variant of history is
written by the victors, and the victors get to shape it any which way they choose,
including Haute Commercial? Hmmmmm? This is so much more compelling than
the task list sitting to my right. Thanks!
I agree, and yet, remember that many writers don’t write the truth, as such, but
what people want to read. I no longer read cozies with as much suspense of belief
since I’ve been reading some blogs that are quite out spoken on incorporating
reality into their books. Actually, I no longer read as many cozies unless the
subject is of interest to me. I’m tired of plucky heroines, and the strong, slightly
dangerous hero. But these books sell. And sell. I know I sound condescending, but
there are a ton of people out there who want escape, and bluebirds, and plucky
heroines, and righteous men is how they get it. BTW, my library system actually
has a copy of “The Ugly Duchess,” so I’ll get to look at it. The picture you chose
at the top is beautiful, even if you didn’t like the book.
6. Robert DeVere Says:
Tim,
I wrote a fascinating comment here. I tried to submit and got ‘captha’ed’ and the
comment disappeared. Maybe your gurus can find it.
Bob
Here it is, Bob:
Tim, et. al.,
I’ve been following the blog and your conversations for a while now (lurking?)
and thought I would offer the observation that this is a potentially fascinating
topic for would-be writers.
What is the “proper” way to convey the feel and atmosphere, as we understand it,
of a very foreign environment. I’m thinking, for example, of the dialogue between
the characters in the latest version of True Grit. Incredibly stilted, yet ?
apppropriate? It’s not that real people of that day really spoke that way (did they?)
but that by forcing that language upon us the film creates an alternative universe
for us. Would we have understood or appreciated it better had it been rife with “F”
bombs?
Y’all keep up the lively conversation and I’ll keep lurking out here. Good work.
Thanks, Tim.
Geezer Bob
7. Gary Says:
I like all the science fiction stories/TV shows where all the aliens conveniently
speak English.
It’s the universal Galactic language apparently.
Glad to know I’m not the only one in the room who’s noticed this.
Exactly right, Dana — the audience won’t root for anyone who’s not exactly like
them. I think this is contemptuous of the audience and demeaning to history.
People were obviously not “exactly like us” and the challenge of historical fiction,
I think if making us care for people who are different. Most readers are capable of
that.
Everett, I believe that many writers make a commitment to writing fiction that
mirrors life and consciously reject ideas that violate character and narrative logic
— even writers of fantasy. If you’re going to choose to set a book in 1152, then
the characters should think and act, as much as is possible, like people who were
alive then. I’m not talking about any absolute ideals of fiction vs. nonfiction, but
rather writing that respects its audience and writing that doesn’t.
Laren, what I know and what I share are two different things. Anyone who has
made even a perfunctory study of 20th century German literature knows about
that foot and that wanger. Geez. But thanks for bringing it up. Really.
Hi, Crenna — interesting that you reference DEADWOOD and Bob references
TRUE GRIT. If I were to make a guess, I’d say that TRUE GRIT was probably
more accurate — one of the thing that strikes you when you read letters written
during the Civil Was is how formal the English was. I think it was a brilliant call
on the Coens’ part (this addresses Bob’s point) to remove virtually all contractions
from the script. I actually loved that movie. I think DEADWOOD was a Martin
Scorcese vision of the old west. If this kind of profanity-laced dialogue sounds
realistic in modern New York and Boston, think how gritty it’ll be when cowboys
use it.
Hi, Lil, and thanks for stepping up to critique the plucky heroine. I think it’s
possible to be plucky without being anachronistic — Scarlett O’Hara leaps to
mind — but that’s not enough (or it’s too much work) for some writers to bother
with. THE UGLY DUCHESS is fascinating for most of it’s length, although it’s
not a masterpiece by any stretch. For a 20th-century historic masterpiece, I’d go
for Sigrid Undset’s endless (and worth it) KRISTIN LAVRANSDOTTIR.
Bob, your comment was with the spam because Captcha rejected it, but thanks to
you I now know I can get these back. As a tip, block the text and mark it for
COPY before you key in the Captcha, and if it doesn’t accept the code, you can
just paste it in and try again. I like your comments on TRUE GRIT quite a bit — I
thought the script was brilliant, as I already said — and I was flabbergasted it
didn’t win for cinematography. Ohm well.
Gary, you’re right. On the other hand, look at all the earthling wireheads who
have learned to speak Klingon. The universe is full of things too strange to
imagine.
9. Bonnie Says:
One of the reasons it bugs me to read Anne Perry: She makes no attempt
whatsoever to capture the way Victorians spoke. It doesn’t stop me reading the
books, because I enjoy the plots, but it’s a constant, low-grade irritation, like
having the landscaping people leafblowing outside the window.
I once read a romance recommended for a book chat by Smartbitchestrashybooks,
and the book was a fun read. However, it was supposedly set in late 19th century
Greece, and the characters spoke like contemporary people, so the effect was
almost like reading science fiction rather than historical romance.
10.Dana King Says:
I read an interview with David Milch, where he was, of course, asked about the
language in DEADWOOD. I don’t remember the exact quote, but the gist of it
was he thought “authentic” Western speech (closer to TRUE GRIT) would sound
archaic to the point of cuteness in the context he was trying to create of a place
without law, building itself from scratch. He may have said something like,
“They’s dound like Yosemite Sam.” He had his own world to create, outside of
any convention, and used the language to convey that.
On a related note, the Beloved Spouse found an old newspaper article on the
Internet that spoke of efforts to clean up baseball of the late 19th and early 20th
Centuries. The examples of the language used on the field and in the dugoust
would look right at home in Milch’s DEADWOOD.
11.Martha Clark Says:
I
fell in love with the main character. I agree with what you said about historical
fiction. Good post!
Life Sentences, Day 155: Irony and Lion Fuechtwanger
March 3rd, 2011
In the 1920s and early 30s, Lion Feuchtwanger was the top-selling writer in Germany. But then Hitler
came to power.
Feuchtwanger was the son of a wealthy and cultured Jewish family. He studied philosophy and
literature in two German universities and became a central figure in the literary circles of 1920s Berlin.
His first novel, The Ugly Duchess (1923), told the story of the Countess Margarete of Tryol, a woman
of almost legendary unattractiveness who governed a state that had substantial strategic value in the
power struggles of the 14th century. Deprived of the feminine allure that was often the first weapon of
a noblewoman of the time, Margarete developed instead a genuine talent for statecraft that allowed her
to maintain her rule almost to the end of her life. Feuchtwanger saw her as an isolated outsider, a
position not unlike that of the Jews of medieval times, and his portrait is compassionate and clear-eyed.
In 1925, he wrote his first really popular book, Jew Suss, a novel based on the life of a financier who
befriended the Duke of Wurttemburg in the 18th century and helped him build a thriving, if corrupt,
state that made both of them extraordinarily rich. When (in the novel) the Duke tries to seduce Suss’s
unwordly daughter, she leaps to her death. Suss bides his time, ensnares the Duke in a plan to subvert
the constitution of the state, and then betrays him. The Duke, terrified and enraged, dies of a stroke.
Deprived of his protector’s influence, Suss is executed.
Although Feuchtwanger was a powerful writer, his political prognostications were fatally flawed. In
1930, he published Success, in which he mercilessly described the rise of Hitler — and his imagined
fall. As a result, the Nazis, upon coming to power, confiscated his house and money. In 1933, he was
declared “Enemy of the State Number One.” He lived in France until it fell and was thrown into a
concentration camp, from which he escaped dressed as a woman. Ultimately, he wound up in Santa
Monica, the center of a glittering community of expats that included Thomas Mann, Bertolt Brecht,
Sasha Viertel, and Garbo.
But in a way, the Nazis won. Under Joseph Goebbels, the Nazi film industry made a film of Jew Suss,
distorting the story to create what has been called “the most anti-Semitic movie of all time.” Suss is
transformed into a vile caricature of a Jew, evil incarnate, a man who defiles a young virgin and
tortures her father and her fiance. Feuchtwanger continued to write, but what had been done to his
book haunted him.
He died in 1958, and his papers are in the possession of the University of Southern California. He’s
also a character in Joseph Kanon’s dazzling 2009 Hollywood novel Stardust, which I think should have
been nominated for the Edgar.
This entry was posted on Thursday, March 3rd, 2011 at 9:48 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
7 Responses to “Life Sentences, Day 155: Irony and Lion
Fuechtwanger”
1. EverettK Says:
I’d never heard of Fuechtwanger. Human society can be a real meat-grinder.
Tim takes us on a fascinating walk through history and proves that, apparently all
roads lead to Santa Monica.
From what I remember, Santa Monica was a multi layered piece of heaven with
some thing for everyone. (70′s) I have a question-the books you recommend -I’ve
actually read when I was young and now own Kristin Lavransdatter-are usually of
door stop size. Do you feel these develop enough story, characters, etc? Or do you
just like them that way? I bet you read way faster than I do, and I’m not slow.
Also, my TBR house is groaning…
4. Suzanna Says:
I would think that LF had a lot of experiences that would haunt him as a
Holocaust survivor alone. This coupled with the fact that the Nazis went to such
lengths to discredit him and turn his story into something twisted and ugly could
have been fodder for a really interesting book for LF to write. Do you know if he
was working on anything related to these experiences before he died?
5. Larissa Says:
It’s crazy that a book with a title that I think equals “Sweet Jew” in German or
something like that, could be turned into such a violent, anti-semitic piece…oh the
power of propaganda! I’m sure there’s some colloquial phrase that I’m missing in
that title translation but still, pretty astounding what “spin” can do…
Everett, Feuchtwanger was an international name, but it’s been a long time. He
was very well served in English, though, by Willa and Edwin Muir, who
translated THE UGLY DUCHESS, SUCCESS, and THE OPPERMANS, probably
his three best novels. I haven’t read SUCCESS, but I love UGLY DUCHESS and
THE OPPERMANS.
Laren, H.L. Mencken once said that the United States slopes downhill to the West
and everything that’s loose rolls to San Francisco. I think he meant Santa Monica.
Remember, we also had Aldous Huxley, Chritopher Isherwood, Igor Stravinsky.
and many other artists, writers, and thinkers who left Europe behind in the 1940s.
Lil, I’m not actually recommending all these books, just talking about them,
Feuchwanger and Undset create fully human characters and also great narratives.
I’ve always personally liked long books – the first I ever read on my Kindle was
the Pevear and Vokholonsky translation of WAR AND PEACE — but I like short
books, too.
Suzanna, as concentration camps go, the one he was in wasn’t so bad — it was a
French camp, for detention, rather than a death camp. He wrote novels about
Goya and the French revolution while in Santa Monica, and his last novel (I think)
was a retelling of the old-testament story of Jephtha, who in gratitude for a victory
in battle vows to sacrifice to God the first person to greet him on his return from
the wars, and is met by his daughter whom, with much wailing and ripping of
robes, he sacrifices. I haven’t read it, and don’t think it’s likely that I will.
Hey Riss. “Suss” is the first name of the historical figure on whom the novel was
based. I don’t know what language it’s from or exactly what it means.
7. Bonnie Says:
Süss does mean sweet in German, but if it’s a person’s family name, then that’s
another matter, and it may or may not bear any etymological relationship.
Blogging While Impaired, Day 156: Lost on the Neural Pathways
March 5th, 2011
I’m sick today, which means cognitive misfires, so you might want to give up right here and go read
something else.
Normally, which is to say when I’m not sick, the sequence of neural events during the blogging process
runs like this:
1. Commitment. Put fingers on keyboard, take deep breath, look at screen.
2. Ransack. Realize I have nothing to say and go through everything I’ve heard, thought, seen, or read
in the past year or two.
3. Compare. Let’s say the ransack produced three possible themes – let’s call them “stubs,” which is
the eloquent term Wikipedia uses for insufficiently developed articles. I compare the stubs and choose
one. I’m looking, in order of desirability, for:
Stub number one (let’s call them “Charlie Sheens”): something I can steal with almost no additional
effort. Stub number two (“Lion Feuchtwangers” on some days and “Wumsys” on others): relates
closely to something I’ve been thinking about, so all the pieces I’ll have to assemble are at least in the
same box. Stub number three (“What?”) is something that surfaces during the ransack in the way that
the lone piece of wood accidentally dropped into a beef stew will eventually be brought to the top when
the stew is at full boil and then disappear again.
When I’m sick, I’m much more likely to get Stub number three, an isolated and oddly shaped fragment
of information, mostly gristle, with no connective tissue at all, nothing to lead me into a broad and
pleasant meadow of meaning where I can wander around without thinking for twenty minutes and then
press PUBLISH.
Instead, it’s like being in a dark room holding onto some sort of exotic electrical connection — let’s
say, the ones they use in Burma — with four prongs of different shapes, and knowing that the outlet
isn’t even necessarily on a wall. And even when I find it, that’s only the first connection. Then I have
to find the switch to turn it on. And then . . .
When I get Stubs numbers one and two, I move onto the enoyable (or “enyoyable,” as they say in
Sweden) part of the process, which is:
Neural branching: I allow the little neurons compete with each other to point me in various directions.
These directions comprise a genuine tree structure, in that choosing any single pathway closes off lots
of other pathways and opens up new ones. The neurons cheer and wave little flags and wear eyecatching outfits to persuade me to take their pathways, and then gleefully slam the doors shut behind
me and leave me to fend for myself until the next batch of competitors appears, jumping up and down
and yelling at me in falsetto, like microscopic paparazzi.
Eventually, I get to a point at which I can persuade myself it will be acceptable to tie the whole thing
off with some little rhetorical flourish intended to make a reader think I knew where I was going all
along.
This is, by the way, how it feels to me when I write fiction.
But today, I got Stub number three, and it said, FRED HOYLE. I mentioned him a couple of days ago
in a response, and he’s the bit of wood that floated to the top of today’s stew.
So you’re getting Fred Hoyle.
Hoyle was a brilliant British physicist and cosmologist remembered today, if at all, for two things:
First, he coined the term, “Big Bang” to describe the singularity most scientists believe to be the event
that brought the universe into being and accounts for its expansion; and second, he rejected the idea
that it ever took place. Many scientists (Einstein among them) had problems with the expansion of the
universe until it was proved observationally by Edwin Hubble at Mount Wilson.
Hoyle accepted the principle of expansion — he accepted, in other words, that everything in the
universe is moving away from everything else — but rejected the Big Bang. He felt that the Big Bang
marked a “beginning” and a “cause” for what he believed to be an eternal and Deity-free entity.
To explain the fact that the universe is expanding he proposed instead what he called the “Steady-State”
theory of the universe: that nature not only abhors a vacuum, but abhors it so much it fills it. In short,
he suggested that atoms pop into being in empty space over time and eventually form galaxies and star
systems and that all this new matter makes the universe expand.
The proposal was pretty well hooted down on philosophical grounds (“nothing comes from nothing” is
a central tenet of most Western thought and science) but finally bit the dust with the accidental
discovery of the long-predicted cosmic microwave background radiation — the directionless universal
sizzle that’s the remnant of the Big Bang.
So there. I’m finished. No rhetorical flourish. This is where I wound up. Fred Hoyle.
I told you to read something else.
This entry was posted on Saturday, March 5th, 2011 at 10:30 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
12 Responses to “Blogging While Impaired, Day 156: Lost on the Neural
Pathways”
1. Suzanna Says:
Hahahaha you still make more sense feeling under the weather and reaching for
Stub Number Three than I could on my best day.
Hope you feel better and thanks for the cosmology lesson.
“I told you to read something else.”
You did, and I’m glad I didn’t. This is the paragraph that did it for me:
“To explain the fact that the universe is expanding he proposed instead what he
called the “Steady-State” theory of the universe: that nature not only abhors a
vacuum, but abhors it so much it fills it. In short, he suggested that atoms pop into
being in empty space over time and eventually form galaxies and star systems and
that all this new matter makes the universe expand.”
This suggests that dark matter and dark energy might actually serve useful
purposes other than giving scientists something to argue about. Thank you for
that; I’ll add it to the list of other things I’m trying to wrap my head around. (My
theory is that when all the dots are connected, everything will make sense.)
Make a hasty recovery, Tim. Tomorrow is a new day, and not all aspects of it need
be as onerous and troublesome as they are today. If physicians can heal
themselves, then surely writers can, too–just write a new script for your life and
live it.
3. Tom Logan Says:
Sorry you are not well. Hope it is fleeting. Here is a stub for you when you are
feeling better: Why, when your president and other politicians and pundits talk
about skyrocketing gas prices, do they not mention the word “GREED”?
I’m with Suzanna-you make more sense on a bad day than many ever do. Back in
the day when I was starved for information, and learning, I read “The Tao Of
Physics,” and was flabbergasted at how so many things and processes were
reflected in so many other things. So, even if you aren’t feeling well, you still
come with these random thoughts that are meaningful, even if you don’t think so.
Have you written something wonderful while experimenting? (ahem). Bet you
did. I hope you get better soon. I’m not bored yet.
5. EverettK Says:
Fred Hoyle was also a writer of science fiction (though not a major author). So he
fits right into this neighborhood.
And quit yer whining, Tim. I’m sick. Po’ po’ me. Sheesh, you’d think nobody’d
ever been sick before. Suck it up and git to work, ya baby. (Munyin’s the one I
feel sorry for!)
6. Gary Says:
Yeah, I’m with Everett – quit your whining.
I never get sick, and if I do it’s something worth making a real fuss about. Like
maybe a heavy cold.
[So sorry. Get well soon. You write better when you're sick than most people do
when they're sober.]
Everett, you’re just lucky you got the neural-damage blog here instead of the
when-I-get-sick-I’m-vicious blog I put up at Murder is Everywhere. (Will go up
around midnight tonight, New York Time.) If you’d read that one, you never
would have upbraided me for whining because you’d have known that it was a
fatal mistake. And I know Hoyle wrote sci-fi but didn’t regard it as being
interesting for most people. So there.
Gary, thanks for going all nice at the end there; you saved me from buying a ticket
to Australia to wipe you and everyone you like off the face of the earth. (If you
doubt this, read that other blog, mentioned above.) Would “just kidding” relieve
the sting of those words?
Now, Suzanna and Phil and Tom and Lil, thanks for being so nice on a day when I
really need it. I have zero tolerance (remember how much trouble that caused?)
for opposition when I’m sick and it’s a good thing that I never got the laser
eyeballs I wanted when I was ten, or the block I live on would be dotted with
smoldering piles of ash where once stood people who were insufficiently kind to
me.
Phil, if you’re looking to connect the dots, you should be aware that the dot
marked FRED HOYLE is on a completely different piece of paper than most of
the others. Rarely has a theory been more extensively and contemptuously
disproved. Remarkable, actually, considering how collegial scientists usually are.
8. Debbi Says:
Did you know that you can rearrange the letters of FRED HOYLE around to spell
DEHF LEROY? Yeah.
With all that he did with physics & all, I think it’s amazing he got around to
writing up all the rules for those card games.
Debbi and Laren — you’ve got the spirit. That’s exactly the tone to take with
someone who’s feeling sorry for himself.
Oh, and I’m feeling better today and thanks for asking,
11.Howard Marder Says:
According to Hoyle according to Hallinan?
March 11th, 2011 at 10:10 am
Howard, I’m actually ashamed of myself for roping Fred Hoyle in like that, as a
desperation move on a day when I didn’t know what to write, and then focusing
on his most eccentric accomplishment. He was a contrarian, and these days I think
we need all of those we can get.
Book Report: Thrills and Chills
March 6th, 2011
February was an all-thrillers, all the time month, and I stumbled across some good ones.
DEATH OF THE MANTIS (ARC) by Michael Stanley — I love this series, set in Botswana, and this is
the best yet. It won’t come out for a while, but watch for it. Detective Kubu is roped by a childhood
friend into a murder that may or may not have been committed by bushmen. With this as a launching
pad, Michael Sears and Stan Trollip take readers into the tragic twilight of Bushman culture, and
present a crackling good mystery as they do it. This is a fine novel that also happens to be a mystery,
and I doubt anyone will put it down without feeling sadness and anger at the ruthlessness with which
the modern world discards the old world, with almost total disregard for those whose belief systems are
being crumpled up and tossed. Definitely one of the best of the year for me thus far.
WINTER AND NIGHT, S.J Rozan — I love the Lydia Chin/Bill Smith mysteries more than I do the
Bill/Smith Lydia Chin books, and this is the latter. That said, I never doubted for a moment that I was
in the hands of a master, and Rozan’s characters always jump off the page. Still, for me, this book
began to run out of gas about sixty percent of the way through, and didn’t recover its momentum. I’m
glad I read it, and if this were the first Rozen I’d read, I’d still be looking for more, but it isn’t the first,
and it’s not the best — for me, anyway. But if you like really classically good private-eye novels and
you haven’t read Rozan, do yourself a favor. Or, as Gary would say, favour.
THE DEVOTION OF SUSPECT X, Keigo Higashino (ARC) — Here’s a confession – I’m not
particularly fond of Sherlock Holmes. In fact, the only purely cerebral detective I like unqualifiedly is
Nero Wolfe. So this book, which pits two deductive geniuses against each other, kind of left me at the
starting gate. There’s some excellent character work, especially in the figure of the former bar worker
now being pursued by her scumbag ex-husband, but I’d had enough meticulous deduction by the time I
was halfway through. Actually, I knew I wasn in trouble in the first scene, in which deductive genius
number one takes a walk and deduces about the homeless people he passes at every step. For me,
murder is about passion. It may be badly wired, but it’s passion. And there’s something dry and dusty
about this genre.
PAINTED LADIES, Robert B. Parker — Spenser, we hardly knew ye, even after 37 novels (some not
so good, some brilliant) in which you virtually never changed. Your pleasures remained fresh and your
author’s writing was always crackerjack. Yes, I grew weary of both Susan and Hawk, not to mention
the various Pearls, but Hawk’s not in this one and Susan is on best behavior. “My first client of the
day . . .” the book begins, and I am SO SAD to know that this is the last first client of the day for
Spenser. What will I do without you? (Disclosure: Robert B. Parker once wrote me a fan letter, one of
the great surprises of my life.)
HOUSE DIVIDED, Mike Lawson — Well, how come I don’t already know about Mike Lawson? This
is as tidy an all-business political thriller as I’ve read in years, apparently the second or third to feature
Joe DeMarco, a refreshing non-Superman who survives it intact, although just barely, a complicated
brush with some very high-placed spies who are, nominally, at least, on “our” side. Very clear on just
what kind of Pandora’s Box was opened by Mr. Bush’s Patriot Act (thanks for re-upping it, Mr,
Obama). Really clean, beautifully paced writing.
OUR KIND OF TRAITOR, John LeCarre — As always, perfectly written and unforgettably peopled,
but — SPOILER ALERT!!!! SPOILER ALERT!!!! — I’ve grown intolerant of the dark, disillusioned
outcome. I knew this was coming all the way through the story, hated it in advance, and hated it even
more when it arrived. Maybe it just goes with the LeCarre territory. Maybe I’m through reading
LeCarre. If you like him, though, the good news is that he’s writing better than ever as he enters his
eighties. He just might not be for me any more.
And I’ve been reading Jenny Milchman’s as-yet-unpublished OUT OF NOWHERE, which is a little
like hitching a ride on a torpedo, except that that description doesn’t pay tribute to the emotional
complexity of the characters. Milchman is an assured writer, exploring territory that takes us well into
the blank areas of the emotional map, into the regions where we can only hope we’ll behave well. This
book will find a home, I’m certain of it.
One of the advantages of having written books is that I’m sent copies to blurb, and some of them are
wonderful — the Michael Stanley (actually two great guys named Michael Sears and Stan Trollip) and
the Jenny Milchman — are fine examples.
And finally, I normally refuse to read unpublished novels on the advice of my agent, my publisher, and
their lawyers, but I’ve known Jenny virtually for a few years, so I said yes. I’m glad I did.
This entry was posted on Sunday, March 6th, 2011 at 10:22 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can follow
own site.
11 Responses to “Book Report: Thrills and Chills”
The important question is how are you feeling?
I would love for Jenny Milchman’s book to find a home. She is one of the most
consistently positive, supportive people I’ve met online. I need to check out
Michael Stanley’s books. Talk about taking a trip to a far off place.
Hope you’re better.
ORMACH DPILL! For once captcha and I agree
3. Suzanna Says:
Seven books in one month? I haven’t read that much since I had to comply with
reading assignments in school. And you remembered them well enough to give
each one a blurb. I see movies like you read books…so back to my show.
4. Jenny Milchman Says:
Please let me say here that Tim’s reading my manuscript has been one of the
biggest thrills of my pre-career. To be spoken about in this company–I love SJ
Rozan, and like Lil am excited to check out the due of Michael & Stan–is an
honor that won’t be forgotten. Thank you again, Tim. And thank you, Lil, for your
wishes. They are held close, believe me.
5. Debbi Says:
Tim, I’ve read one of Jenny’s short stories, so I can just imagine. Jenny, I hope
you either self-publish or find a publisher soon (your choice, of course).
BTW, I also read OUR KIND OF TRAITOR. I’m a big le Carre fan. I wrote this
review for Mystery Scene Magazine: http://tinyurl.com/4z9oyhb And, yeah, I
could see the ending coming pretty early on. I didn’t hate the book, but it was
Has anyone read John Lawton’s Troy series? British, 2nd WW just before and just
after and during, detective mingled with espionage.
b.
7. Beth Says:
Tim, I didn’t like the two most recent Bill/Lydia books WINTER AND NIGHT
and ON THE LINE, but THE SHANGHAI MOON is a wonderful story,
especially the first part that is in pre-World War II Shanghai. Bill and Lydia come
in at about the half way point.
I don’t like Sherlock Holmes but I am looking forward to the new Michael
Stanley book.
Barbara, I like the John Lawton’s Frederick Troy series. I read them as they were
published and it didn’t make for easy reading because, chronologically, they
jumped all over the 1930′s, 40′s, and 50′s. In my blog, sorry Tim, I wrote the
following after finishing SECOND VIOLIN:
If anyone has not yet read any of the books in the Inspector Troy series, please
start with SECOND VIOLIN, then BLUFFING MR CHURCHILL, BLACK
OUT, A LILY OF THE FIELD, OLD FLAMES, FLESH WOUNDS, and, finally,
A LITTLE WHITE DEATH. I recently read SECOND VIOLIN so I am going to
start re-reading the series with BLUFFING MR CHURCHILL.
I reviewed SECOND VIOLIN and LILLY OF THE FIELD; I do plan on rereading the series so that I can get the full sense of the time and place Lawton
created.
I don’t put my website address on these posts because a) it gets boring and b)
when I press “publish” everything is erased.
The blog address is http://www.murderbytype.wordpress.com
All the Poke books, CRASHED, and THE MAN WITH NO TIME are there.
8. Beth Says:
My apologies. I just checked to see if the link to the blog works. It does but it goes
to the home page. To find the reviews of Tim’s books, click on the tab at the top
marked Authors and Titles.
The authors are listed in alphabetical order with the links to the reviews.
Hi, everybody. Sorry for the lag — I overestimated my energy yesterday and did
1400 words on THE GROWING YOUNGER MAN, and felt like I’d been
poleaxed. So today I decided to kick back a little — ergo, the post on Charlie
Sheen.
Thanks to all for being so nice. Lil and Debbi, I agree completely about Jenny
Milchman. She’s a tremendous person and a tremendous writer, too. It still amazes
me that we can make friends as we do online without ever laying eyes on each
other.
Debbi, very good review. I admire LeCarre enormously as a writer and have for
forty years but I no longer go out of my way to be reminded that the world has
been tarnished almost out of existence. I can see that in the papers every day.
miceal, thank you once again for moving the entire discussion to a new level. Not
necessarily a higher level, but undeniably a new one.
barbara (from now on I’m going to lump all you e.e. cummings/no caps, please
correspondents together – I have indeed read John Lawton, and I’m crazy about
him. He doesn’t write quite like anyone else; one of the things I like best is that
the actual mystery is often sort of tucked away into a corner of a much broader
canvas, and he’s really good at broad canvases. I’ve read and kept all the books
Beth has reviewed on her site (check the site out — she’s got great taste, and not
just because she likes me), and my only regret was that he appears so sporadically
in the US that I read his books in totally random order. He’s so good I’ve been
thinking about going back and starting over from the first.
And by the way, the “newest” one here in the US, FLESH WOUNDS, is actually
a 2004 novel originally titled BLUE RONDO that apparently was written right
after BLUFFING MR. CHURCHILL. Talk about being badly served by your
publisher – to be released in the US any old way, sometimes 6-7 years late, and
with different titles to boot. Lawson should be publisher-shopping.
Suzy, you know me. I reads and reads and reads. and then i writes and writes and
writes. once in a wile i eats.
10.Suzanna Says:
Uh huh, ya sho nuff, do. Dats whys you a dang good writser alrat.
11.G Thomas Gill Says:
Congratulations on your Edgar nomination, Tim, and good luck next month in
NYC.
Like you, I’ve been a LeCarre fan for years, but decided to drop out for exactly
the reasons you mentioned. The last one I read was THE TAILOR OF PANAMA
some while back.
And I’ve been a fan/friend of Jenny’s for several years. She allowed me to read
COVER OF SNOW, an earlier work, and it is just as good. All the best to both of
you.
Blogging with the Stars, Day 158: Charlie Horse
March 7th, 2011
Okay, I promised myself I wouldn’t do this, but . . .
Very sad to see Charlie Sheen continue his slow-mo suicide on Internet TV last night.
The solo camera (webcam?)was shooting up at him from underneath, exactly the same angle used to
emphasize Kurtz’s craziness in “Apocalypse Now,” which is of course the film that nearly killed his
father. It was almost enough to make me wonder whether he was tipping us a wink: I’m not really
crazy, I’m just drawn this way.
But then he began to talk.
No one who listened for more than ten minutes could doubt that this man is in a lot of pain and that
virtually all of it is self-inflicted. It’s the worst possible combination: success beyond the value of his
talent, wealth, power (at least over a sitcom), and exactly the wrong drugs. Drugs that are all about the
person who takes them, all about control, all about icy exhilaration. Drugs that take someone who’s
already isolated and put him in a room full of himself: himself sitting everywhere, laughing at his
jokes, agreeing with him. Anyone who is insufficiently himself is banned from the room.
That obviously includes anyone who might love him enough to challenge him. The “goddess” who
wandered in last night to tell him his dog had died — to virtually no emotional reaction from Charlie
— seems like a nice enough girl, but you wonder how long she’d outlast his money and fame. And
there’s no way she’s going to speak up before she goes.
If Sheen’s going to take drugs, he should take a big, fat, ultra-powerful psychedelic that would shred
his ego and reassemble it as a Slinky for about eight hours, followed by a couple of months of trying to
put himself back together. He might accidentally leave out some of the shit.
The Japanese are very fond of something they call the Collector Shell. It’s the life work of a small and
exceptionally paranoid crab. The crab moves into a vacant shell and scoots around the seafloor finding
other empty shells and shell fragments. It sticks then all over the outside of its first shell, trying to
create something that’s too big, too hard, and too spiky for anything to eat. Some of them end up with
assemblages that are beautiful in a schizoid kind of way.
Problem is, that makes them collectible. A diver brings them up, the crab dies, and the shell assembly
gets sold for a lot of money. People look at it and admire it. There’s nothing left inside any more, but
the people who admire it don’t care.
The people who pay money for it don’t care.
Makes me wonder how long the shell collection called Charlie Sheen will creak along after the Charlie
at its center is dead.
This entry was posted on Monday, March 7th, 2011 at 1:32 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can follow
own site.
12 Responses to “Blogging with the Stars, Day 158: Charlie Horse”
1. Beth Says:
Charlie is the product of his background, good and bad. As everyone no doubt
knows, his father is half- Irish and half- Spanish. He adopted a non-ethnic
working name but has never changed it legally. No doubt his father realized very
early in the sixties, when he was starting out, that actors with Hispanic sounding
names weren’t going to get too far. That he is not Hispanic but is Spanish
wouldn’t have mattered much.
So Charlie grows up with a famous father known by a name that is not his own.
What Charlie has known all his life is his father’s public commitment to
Catholicism and his strong commitment to the causes espoused by Catholic
activism. Both are admirable in the father and very likely guilt-inducing in the
son. Martin Sheen has won awards from Notre Dame and Marquette for his
commitment to social justice.
I know other groups have claimed the primacy of their particular guilt but
Catholicism demands guilt because it isn’t possible to be good enough. Luther
introduced the belief that people could be saved by faith alone. For Catholics,
salvation requires faith and good works. Who ever can claim they have enough of
either? If Charlie can’t live up to his father’s code, and this is likely Charlie’s take
rather than Martin’s, then he must go as far in the opposite direction as he can go.
Alcohol is too common a vice to be considered interesting and dangerous, so
Charlie did drugs which really put him outside the pale. He has made himself
everything his parents taught him not to be.
I have never watched his show but I know he has outdone his father in name
recognition and income. But his father, in 1977, did “The Execution of Private
Slovak” so Martin wins.
Charlie is the net result of too much money, a massive load of guilt for not being
who he thinks he should be, and a cannibalistic public who like to feed on the
biggest body on the ground. In the world of network TV, Charlie is a very big
body and his slow-motion self-destruction is filling the troughs of the greedy who
see Charlie Sheen as a money machine. His show will live in syndication forever,
piling more and more money into the coffers of the people who long ago lost sight
of the man behind the mounds of money he was earning for them.
2. Tom Logan Says:
Tim, I read what you write because you are usually dead on. Not that I always
agree with you. And, I am tired of Charlie Sheen and what’s her name of the
purloined necklace. No useful news today when it leads with the latest from
Hollywood. Thanks for the discussion; I’ll look for more interesting responses on
this one.
This is really a family tragedy, and the saddest thing is that this has been going on
for so long.
A lot of people have been writing about the enablers who got rich with this man,
and still live off him. Beth’s assessment sounds right on; I only know about
Jewish guilt, but I do think that Martin Sheen would be a tough act to follow. It
isn’t the fame quotient; it’s the quality and seriousness that matters. What a
painful metaphor, Tim, and it’s always sad when there are children involved. Now
I have to go to work, and then read a book for review;-)
Too soon, most likely, we will read that Hollywood has lost its Sheen.
5. Sylvia Says:
I always thought Emilio Estevez seemed like the sane one in that family.
6. Sylvia Says:
Sorry to post twice in a row but someone just sent me this and it’s suprisingly
catchy:
YouTube – Winning – a Song by Charlie Sheen
7. Robb Royer Says:
God, Sylvia, Great call. That Charlie Sheen song is the best thing I’ve heard in
years.
Beth, that’s very thoughtful. If those are the primary reasons for Charlie’s acting
out, though, I’d expect to have seen more evidence of it in Emilio, who seems to
be relatively sane. Charlie was a handful from the beginning: Munyin tells me he
was kicked out of high school and has had substance abuse problems through
most of his career. So I’d propose (he says pontifically) that part of it is the
upbringing and the guilt and part of it is just who Charlie is, because I do believe
that we’re all born with certain switches in the “on” position and that we interpret
and react to the world partly depending on which switches are on and off; and
finally, (a)the nature of stardom and Hollywood power, which takes a perfectly
ordinary person and turns him/her (hir?) into a demigod and (b) exactly the wrong
drugs. Exactly precisely the wrong drugs, foremost among them cocaine in its
various guises and, worst of all, crack. He just seems totally lost now.
Hi, Tom — I really wasn’t going to write about Sheen at all, but then I saw last
night’s pathetic “show” on Ustream, and it was just heartbreaking. He’s on the
phone with some sycophant, and the more outrageous he gets — the more he
needs someone to say, “Charlie, you need help,” the more the guy on the other end
of the line goes, “Heh, heh, heh. Great, Charlie.” Poor sonofabitch. I know he
created this, but he’s getting a lot of help keeping it rolling. And also, I think I’m
the only one to suggest he’s using the wrong drugs. And actually, I withdraw that
because I don’t think he could survive a psychedelic insight. He’s moved so much
of himself into that suit of armor I don’t know what would happen if it got blown
apart.
Lil, it is a family tragedy, and one of the things people have been asking is,
“Where’s Poppa?” Charlie was asked by someone whether he’d heard from his
father lately, and he said, “I think he’s out of the country.” That’s a flabbergasting
remark considering the ubiquity of the telephone for the past 70 years or so. Of
course, we have to consider the source — he may simply be blowing his father
off. It’s hard for me to believe that NO ONE is actually trying to help him.
Laren, you’re probably right. It’s hard to see this ending happily, especially when
you see him unfiltered on Ustream. He’s in a spiral.
Sylvia, this is a brilliant video. Amazing stuff.
Hi, Robb, and I agree. This kind of creativity is brand-new, making use of new
tools and a previously nonexistent global delivery system. This one is wonderful.
10.Beth Says:
At the beginning of this mess, Martin Sheen was confronted by the press who
wanted to know what he was doing for Charlie. In an answer reflective of who he
is, Sheen responded that they were doing the only thing they could do – they were
praying for their son/brother and he asked that the people who were feeding off
this sad story to pray for Charlie, too.
Charlie didn’t like his father saying that he needed Divine intervention so the
father got a call from the son.
I understand them going to a place like Malta where their son’s disintegration isn’t
going to be running 24/7. This is only going to end well if there is Divine
intervention.
As to the differences in children raised in the same families, there is an old joke
about South Boston, an Irish enclave. In a family of three sons, one will be a cop,
one will be a priest, and one will be a bank robber.
11.Larissa Says:
I don’t know if I disagree with you on the “wrong drugs” thing. I think we get the
boy some mushrooms and explode his brain in a whole new way. Now, granted,
it’d be culture shock to realize that someone outside of himself exists for some
other reason than to stroke his ego or hand him money or drugs or women, but in
all seriousness-there should be a way to pry his brain open a bit at the edges and
let some daylight back in…
Maybe not. I haven’t seen any of the press or videos of him lately. I should go
watch those and see what I think after that.
ReCaptcha: The Warcer
March 11th, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Beth — As an Irishman I should have heard the line about the Irish family but I
hadn’t. It’s great. (In my family, one of us is a pastor who also writes children’s
books; one of us is a painter who has an enviably steady moral view of the
universe (sort of coplike, but less simple), and one of us imagines crimes for a
living. Hmmm.
Riss, don’t watch the videos. They’re corrosive.
Blogging with Methuselah, Day 159: So I Sez to My Mom, Mom, I Sez . . .
March 8th, 2011
Oscar Wilde (generally acknowledged as the wittiest man in England): ”I wish I’d said that.”
James McNeil Whistler (actually the wittiest man in England): ”You will Oscar, you will.”
A would-be purchaser, shocked at the price of one of Whister’s pantings: ”But it’s not even life-size.”
Whistler: ”Yes, but you know, few men are life-size.”
I hate guys like that. Guys who never, just before they drop off to sleep, sit bolt upright and think,
“That’s what I should have said.” Because they actually said it.
Guys who never tell others, days later, “So then I sez to him, I sez . . .” and then say the thing he
couldn’t have thought of even if God had mercifully frozen time for 30 minutes, leaving only that
person’s mind in motion, free to consider, reject, and reconsider what to say. Guys who, even then,
would have thought of it on the stairs going down.
Guys like me.
One of the great joys of writing is that you get hundreds of chances to come up with just the right
response. Le mot just. Draft after draft, and you don’t even have to confine yourself to “your” line —
you can rewrite his or hers, too. And I have, over and over.
People who meet me after reading me are sometimes disappointed that I’m not much of a sparkler
conversationally. All I can say is, come back tomorrow and say the same things, and I’ll knock you out
of the park.
Dialogue, I think, should be like real conversation, only better. One of the things that makes it better,
obviously, is the ability to rewrite it in a way that would be really obtrusive in an actual interaction; it’s
hard to imagine a group of live people putting up with something like, “Wait, wait. Let me come back
in and say hi and then you say that over, okay?” Even the most sympathetic of our listeners would
peel off about halfway through.
But in writing, there are all those neural pathways with all those brightly dressed little neurons holding
loudspeakers, fighting over which response you’ll choose. So where, in a real conversation, you have a
moment of dumbstruck, panic-sparked What? What did he say? What should I say? in writing, you
have hundreds of little wise-asses waving suggestions at you: “The last time I saw that color, it was on
the Queen.” ” So that’s why they call it the windy city.” “I’m sorry, what instrument did you say you
play?”
They may not be crowd-stoppers, but they’re better than, “Oh, yeah?” And if you think of something
better in the shower, you can always go back and do it over.
But only so much. Dialogue goes rancid when it’s overthought, as I discover repeatedly while editing
the Simeon Grist books. Every copy should have come with a little sound track: just a rim shot after
every third line Simeon says. It’s enough to make me cringe at times, although there’s also lots of stuff
in all the books that I like.
But I keep trying, hoping for something half as good as (Whistler again): “It takes a long time for a
man to look like his portrait.”
By the way, I’ll send a signed copy of the next Poke book (sometime in 2012) to the person who can
come up with straight lines for the three context-free knee-slappers I suggested above. SORRY,
FOLKS — CONTEST IS OVER. DON’T EVEN TRY. THEY’RE TERRIBLE LINES
ANYWAY.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 8th, 2011 at 12:42 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
11 Responses to “Blogging with Methuselah, Day 159: So I Sez to My
Mom, Mom, I Sez . . .”
1. Suzanna Says:
Whistler does sound clever but my goodness, man, so are you!
Now, what don’t you like about Simeon’s dialogue?
2. EverettK Says:
Alice let loose a smelly honker of hurricane proportions, her face flushed bright
red, and in a barely audible voice said to the Rabbit, “Excuse me?”
“The last time I saw that color, it was on the Queen,” the Rabbit said.
“I swear, in every Chicago restaurant we ate at, the people at the next table kept
passing gas!”
“So that’s why they call it the windy city.”
The fat man in the next seat leaned away from Tim, and his butt cheeks performed
a perfect imitation of a tuba.
Tim jerked away, banging his head on the side of the plane, then said, I’m sorry,
what instrument did you say you play?”
Once you get a good train of thought going, the boxcars just keep rattling on by…
The only thing worse than regetting what you didnt say is regreting what you did
say. Or as Captcha so often says victil reitz. Move over Whistler.
4. Larissa Says:
Ok, so here’s my lame-duck, spur-o-the moment attempt to give those kneeslappers a home. Sorry if I tarnish their awesomness.
1.”Well! Isn’t that just a royal bruise!”
“yah, the last time I saw that color, it was on the Queen”
“I thought I could take him”
2. “so that’s why they call it the windy city” said in response to a particularily
long Mayoral Candidate speech in Chicago.
3. “It’s called a hemidemisemiquaver and it’s not an instrument, you idiot.”
At least my mom thinks I’m funny.
Well, Everett sets the bar pretty high (unless you don’t go for flatulence
references).
So, let’s see:
As the two drunks argued whether the pre-storm sky was puce or mauve, they
turned to a fellow next to them on the bus bench. “Okay, Wwhuuut cccolor would
you sssay the skkky is, bbuddy?”
He looked down his nose at them and said, “I’m sure I don’t know. But the last
time I saw that color, it was on the Queen.”
As the dumpster flew past the restaurant window spewing its contents like a frat
boy after the Homecoming party, followed by a VW bug that had become
airborne, Sydney turned to Belinda and said,” So that’s why they call it the windy
city.”
Roderick was finally coming down. Or so he thought. He was fairly certain he’d
not been making a good impression on his newfound, slightly overweight friend.
Gathering his wits he turned to the elephant and smiled, saying, “I’m sorry, what
instrument did you say you play?”
I can’t believe I actually took the time to do this.
I’m absolutely speechless. (I like Simeons dialogue too).
7. EverettK Says:
I must chime in with support for the “Simeon Dialogs” also. Tim doesn’t know
what he’s talking about. That’s the part that first really hooked me on the Simeon
books, the VERY witty dialog between Simeon and Eleanor (and later others),
dry, quick, intelligent, like stuff out of The Thin Man or My Girl Friday.
Quit second-guessing your younger self, Growing Older Younger Man!
FART JOKES? What I get is FART JOKES?
Oh, well. Larissa raised the tone, and Laren’s jokes have characters named Sidney
and Belinda and – what was it? — Roderick. Pretty toney.
I admire the courage and inventiveness you all displayed (even you, Everett,
although it’s going to take months to raise the site’s Average Tastefulness Index to
its previous level). And you ALL WIN a copy of THE GROWING YOUNGER
MAN, assuming I don’t abandon it today and go to work on THE FEAR ARTIST,
which I’m beginning to think should precede HYM. Decision by close of day,
probably.
The issue with Simeon’s dialogue is that there’s too much of it. My editor for the
first three, who is now my agent, told me to go back and cut every third joke, and
I think it should have been every other joke. That would have left only the best
ones and wouldn’t have created the ghostly image of a writer paddling upstream
all the time, a little more energetically than was actually necessary.
But thanks for all the nice remarks anyway, and thanks to those brave souls who
stepped up to take a swing at the three most unpromising punchlines in history.
and micael,victil reitz, indeed. Whew. I’m still wiping my eyes.
9. EverettK Says:
Okay, new day, new thought train:
Poke enters the bedroom and sees Rose recumbent on the bed, covered by nothing
but the brilliant red scarf the Queen had given to Rose as a token of thanks. Poke
stops cold and shudders. “The last time I saw that color, it was on the Queen.”
Simeon hated Chicago, passionately. He shivered in the doorway as the icy blasts
off the lake battered at his meager defenses. He watched as she descended from
the bus along with the rest of her dance troop, all wearing knee-length skirts,
blouses and pillbox hats, like a vision from the 1940s. A sudden blast of air caught
their skirts, and half a dozen blew up around their waists. He thought to himself,
“So that’s why they call it the windy city.”
The woman sat on a three legged stool, naked but for the guitar seemingly held in
place by her lap and the quite large breasts resting on top of it. After about 10
seconds, Junior managed to find the strength needed to pull his eyes upward,
closer to the vicinity of her chin, and said, “I’m sorry, what instrument did you say
you play?”
10.Suzanna Says:
Thanks for answering the Simeon question. Your agent was clearly right in terms
of creating a different kind of tone in your work, especially the Poke series. Your
latest success points the value in his advice.
In defense of Simeon though, he may be too much of a wise ass for his own good
and the good of your work but to me his ill-timed humor somehow made him
seem more courageous. To be able to crack a joke in the face of danger and
usually at the expense of his opponents was probably equal measure foolish and
fearless, and Simeon’s humor just made me root for him even more. I don’t think
this quality is lost in the Poke books by the way. Just toned down from the Simeon
series. My opinion has everything to do with the selfish fact that I love to laugh
and nothing more. It must have been fun for you to writing more humor in the
Junior Bender series.
March 10th, 2011 at 11:25 am
Okay, Everett, those are better. I won’t send you a copy of GYM printed in
invisible ink. I especially like the detail of the three-legged stool, drawing the
eyes, if only momentarily, from the “quire large breasts.” And the way you slipped
Junior in there, although I don’t think Junior is actually s breasts man.
Lil, Suzanna, and all who defend old Simeon, thank you. I like the jokes, too, but I
liked them perhaps a little better than they deserved while I was writing them. I’m
very grateful, Suzanna, for the observation that they make him seem more
courageous. I think that’s exactly right.
I’m being surprised lately (as I review it for e-book publication) at how funny
INCINERATOR is. I’m blogging about the experience of working with the book
again, but I’ve laughed out loud a few dozen times at things I have no recollection
at all of having written, so that’s a good experience.
Blogging in Geological Time, Day 160: Site Seeing
March 9th, 2011
The hero of the day is Bonnie Riley.
Those of you who don’t wander around inside this website, who come to the blog and then go away,
may have been aware that there was some wonkiness recently with the navigation bar to the left — that
little list of places in the site that you never visit. ”Why,” you might have asked yourself, “is this going
all weird?” before moving onto more pressing concerns.
Well, that bit of wonkiness was the only telltale that Bonnie Riley, whom you’ve all met in the
comments section, was turning this site inside out, picking out all the bad bits, replacing them with
cleaner code, and doing a total update on this virtual representation of my existence. And now she’s
finished (for the moment), and I no longer have to ask the famous Ronald Reagan question, “Where’s
the rest of me?”
For the first time ever, all my available books are online here. This means quite a bit to me.
I no longer seem to have sprouted, as fully formed as Athena, from the brow of Zeus. Now people who
stop by will learn that I wrote the Poke books, will see that Junior is emerging from the spectral fog of
the unwritten. Eventually they might even learn about PULPED, assuming I decide to loose it upon an
unexpecting world.
And QUEEN OF PATPONG, complete with its Edgar nomination, is online for the first time.
I think this is very, very cool.
Bonnie accepted this assignment at a flat rate that turned out to come down to about 38 cents an hour,
since much of the site’s underlying code had to be rewritten, the cylinders had to be re-bored, and the
cam shaft shifted overhead. In other words, I have no idea what she actually did, just that she toiled on
it for months, in good spirits even when she was sick. I just sat on my baronial wheeled office chair
and let the guilt mount as it grew increasingly evident that Bonnie probably qualified as slave labor. I
kept expecting a revelation in The Huffington Post: WRITER EXPLOITS LAWYER.
Talk about man bites dog.
No, no, no. No lawyer jokes.
So now it’s pretty much done (until we put INCINERATOR online in a few weeks), and I hope you’ll
put your feet up and stay a while, wander around in the site. Try to find the hidden clue to the two
hundred million dollar contest. It’s easy to win, but not if you don’t find the clue.
My heartfelt thanks to Bonnie, to whom I also say, the check is in the mail. And thanks also to Maria
Sandamela, who designed the beautiful page templates. (I especially like the design for the Simeon
books.)
Drop Bonnie and me a comment. Let us know what you think.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 9th, 2011 at 9:14 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
12 Responses to “Blogging in Geological Time, Day 160: Site Seeing”
1. Bonnie Says:
Well, shucks. Tim knows not entirely of what he speaks of course. Far from
“cleaning up” the code, I added to the chaos. When he’s humbly accepting the
Oscar for best screenplay, I’ll try to blackmail him into letting me do a complete
re-write. In the meantime, whatever you do, don’t click on “view source,” as
otherwise I cannot promise your hair will grow back.
I’m a pretty pedestrian web “designer”; in fact, my design credentials are pretty
much nonexistent; I love putting it all together and creating a nice, tight structure.
It is a pleasure to be able to get even false, nominal credit for Maria’s beautiful
art. My only job is to make it all work. I have lots of ideas for improvements, to
both the site and the blog, but we’ll continue to take it one small step at a time, I
suspect, at least until Tim gets his 7-Rafferty movie deal someday.
Anyhow, thanks for the flowers, Tim. And keep writing!
2. Larissa Says:
As an amateur code monkey-in-the-making I have to congratulate Bonnie for all
the wonderful work! It’s hard to see how much effort goes into this stuff but I’m
here to tell you, it’s a helluvalottawork!
Well done! Nice, clean code is so very refreshing. And, it means that the next
person who has to get in here and work on something, won’t be pulling their hair
out.
oh yeah, and good job Tim for, uhm, doing all the great writing! Without that,
there wouldn’t be a site to fix!
3. EverettK Says:
As Clark Kent said to Lois Lane, “Swell!”
Great job, Bonnie, you’re tops!
As for your scum-sucking, exploiting boss, he should be cut loose to descend with
the hook, line and sinker. Talk about a no-win employment opportunity. I’d pity
you, Bonnie, if you weren’t so enviable!
4. Beth Says:
Everything looks terrific. The Simeon covers are fantastic; they really stand out.
The colors are perfect because they don’t remind me of California with the golds
and reds everyone uses to convey sunshine unlimited.
Bonnie, you can have an alternate career if lawyering gets tiresome.
Loved wandering through the site. Easy to navigate & read, fun stuff. Was even
able to put up with the photo of Tim.
Nice job.
6. Suzanna Says:
Bonnie, you deserve a big round of applause! Sounds like a lot of work and
everything looks great.
Congratulations Tim for upgrading your site to include all the latest work. It’s
great to see.
Wonderful work, Bonnie, and I am totally in awe by the work this took. The
graphics are lovely, and it’s fun to play on the site. I don’t know anything about
what you did, but I am an enthusiastic user.
8. Debbi Says:
Wow! A lawyer who can upgrade Web sites. That’s a rarity.
Looking good, too. Nice job, Bonnie!
I had a look through the site. It looks good, it’s easy to navigate, and everything
works (when I click on a link, it goes where I want).
Good work – tho I have to admit I have no idea what code looks like.
(What I really hate is Captcha – but here goes).
Vot a bunch. Bonnie is being over-modest — she streamlined and simplified the
site, worked out the new structure, added one creative innovation after another,
and still accepted payment in bottle tops and those ring-tabs from Coors Beer
cans. And I LOVE the way it looks and feels now — she even unilaterally put up
the “Edgar” headline on the QUEEN page, inspiring me to do a headline for each
book page – usually a review quote – when we do our next round of changes,
which will be when INCINERATOR goes up, and also after I pay her.
Riss, didn’t know you were a burgeoning code monkey. Is there anything you
DON’T DO? Thanks also for noticing that I write the books. I feel all alone over
here.
Everett, the Obama administration has decided to take instant and decisive action
against me — oh, wait, they’re waffling — well, they’ll take care of me later
because they’ve decided to take instant and decisive action against Khadafi – no,
wait, they’re waffling on that and they’re back to me . . . now they’ve called it all
off to accept the Jimmy Carter award for Public Fretting As An Alternative to
Action. Boy, every time I think I can’t be more deeply disappointed, I learn there
are miles to go yet.
Thanks, Beth — I think it’s pretty sprauncy myself. And I’m not budging from
that opinion no matter what the Obama administration says.
Laren, MUNYIN took that picture. You’d better hope she doesn’t read this,
although privately I think you’re safe.
Mo to come.
11.Larissa Says:
lol. Jack of all trades, master of none=story of my life. But it’s ok. The only
reason I got into coding at all was for two very specific reasons: I was
unemployed, needed a job and told someone I’d be happy to build their webpage
for them. No problem! …and then promptly had to find help learning how to code
because I’d never done it…
and two: I’m phenomenally bad at it and it makes my brain hurt and I think that’s
always a positive thing. I’m good at the design side but boy do I suck at the
mathematical aspect. But I’m learning.
And, you’re welcome. I didn’t want you to feel left out of all the praise. (C:
12.Bonnie Says:
Larissa,
Time Is Relative Blog, Day 161: Editing the Past
March 10th, 2011
Reviewing the old Simeon Grist books for e-book publication is always a mixed experience.
I’m most of the way through the ePub of INCINERATOR now, and it’s no exception.
There are some mercilessly overwritten passages, including the worst opening chapter of my entire
career, and then there are long stretches I’d be proud to write now. I mean really good, by my
standards. These include a long action scene in a derelict supermarket in which fireworks are going off
and thousands of birds are rocketing through the building, the whole thing ending in a mistaken police
shooting; a big group scene at the old Parker Center that follows the supermarket scene; and a
ridiculously complicated sequence on live television, on a show hosted by a fictional Oprah, during
which Simeon’s mind finally serves up the beginning of the answer to the Incinerator’s identity.
This scene is probably better than everything but the very best stuff I’ve ever wrote.
The opening chapter is testimony to the principle that starting late in a story isn’t always good advice.
People who write books to show other people how to write books frequently suggest starting late – at a
point where the action is already on the rise – rather than dragging the reader through boring pages of
normal, everyday life while the story gathers force in the background. The first 20 pages or so of
INCINERATOR comprise a handbook on how to do that wrong.
(Behind this advice, I suspect, is an assumption that the writer who is reading the book about how to
write a book is not capable of making everyday life interesting.)
This book had its roots in a letter I got around 1993, from someone who thanked me for a talk I’d had
with him while we were both in college. To hear him tell it, he’d been friendless, isolated, and
unhappy. He’d seen that I seemed to have more friends than I could fit into the Rose Bowl and he’d
worked his way into an acquaintance with me just so he could get up the nerve to ask how I made so
many friends.
And he did, and we talked for a couple of hours, in one of the piano practice rooms in the music
building, which were frequently used for more intimate two-person scenes, and he’d gone out and,
bingo, changed his life.
This had carried over into his professional career, and for years he’d been wanting to write and thank
me. And he somehow got my address, and this letter was the result.
I read it, looked at the signature line, and thought, Who? I had no memory of any of it, including the
guy’s name.
So, if I’d been so self-involved in college that I’d completely forgotten this interaction, I asked myself,
wasn’t it likely there were also people I’d hurt or offended? People who, if they saw me tomorrow on
the street, would curse me and spit on my shadow?
I know, I know — we wouldn’t worry so much about what people think of us if we knew how
infrequently they do. But this stuck with me, and out of it came the character of a college kid who is
described years later by someone who knew him, as “a specimen to be preserved on the end of a pin if
there ever was one,” someone whose whole identity was a precarious construct, as most people’s are at
that age, and who may have been given a little push in the wrong direction by an oblivious Simeon.
I didn’t realize the idea very well in the book, but it still gives rise to some pretty good moments.
And, although it pains me to do this, I have to give enormous thank-you to our own Everett Kaser —
stand up and wave, Everett — who scanned this book, proofed it eight ways from Sunday, and
converted it into the cleanest electronic version I’ve ever had of one of these stories. He’s made my life,
and the life of Kimberly Hitchens, who produces these for uploading, much, much easier.
Kim is famously grumpy, so Everett’s painstaking work has spared me having my ears nailed to the
wall eight or ten times. Thanks again, Everett.
Wow — thanks to Bonnie yesterday and Everett today. Who’s next — Gary?
This entry was posted on Thursday, March 10th, 2011 at 10:31 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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8 Responses to “Time Is Relative Blog, Day 161: Editing the Past”
1. Beth Says:
March 10th, 2011 at 11:04 am
I agree that the book is beautifully written, but it is the only book on your list that
I won’t review.
It is so very dark.
Beth
2. EverettK Says:
March 10th, 2011 at 11:29 am
[standing up] [waving]
Ah, shucks, Pardner, ’twas my
Mostly, I’d reached the point where I was ready to read another Simeon, and it
was going to be MONTHS before you got around to making an ebook out of it,
and I knew I’d be proofreading it anyway when the time came, so two stones, one
bird… er… two birds, one stone.
Anyway, you’re most welcome, and I was happy to be able to help.
[The pain that a public "thank you" caused you was just a bonus...]
3. Suzanna Says:
March 10th, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Tim,
What a blessing it is for you to have work to reread, reevaluate, and maybe on
some level rewrite in your head as you go along.
It’s wonderful that you can recognize that even though your earlier work may be
flawed it has maintained some great qualities. After all it’s not as though your
talent just sprang from the ashes.
One of the best things about this review process is that you can see how far
you’ve come along since those early days, right?
Also, and I don’t think this is entirely unrelated to your reflecting on your past
work, what a great thing that the person who sought your advice was able to
acknowledge something that meant so much to him, something you gave to him
that changed his life.
It’s difficult to recall our distant past, or all the people who we encountered and
the acts of kindness that may have helped someone along the way but what a great
thing that he reached out to tell you that you impacted his life in what sounds like
a really positive way.
On the other hand I think that none of us can say we don’t have a roster of acts we
wish we hadn’t been responsible for so thank goodness for faulty memories in that
case!
Apparently, Tim, you have the ability to touch people in many ways.
Yay, Everett, I look forward to reading your-er, Tim’s work.
DUD DAY AFTERNOON–Just thought Id write something so it said 4 comments
instead of a lonely 3. Hi Robb,long time.
,
6. Tom Logan Says:
I enjoy reading the comments as much as I like reading your blog. It seems that
you have a really good family of friends. Thanks for sharing.
March 11th, 2011 at 10:02 am
Hi, Beth — It sure is. I remembered that accurately. What I didn’t remember was
that it was good. The one REALLY bad review of my life was of this book, and
the opening sentence was, “Simeon Grist is back, and he’s become tiresome.” And
it went downhill from there. Affected the way I thought about the book all the way
up to the time when I began to edit it again for this reissue. I don’t know who the
woman who wrote the review is, but I hope she’s developed osteoarthritis and
grown a second nose.
Ahh, Everett, it wasn’t as painful as I made it sound. This is hands down the
cleanest conversion we’ve had — a few instances of an extra space between
double and single quotes, but that’s probably my fault. One or two (and I mean
that literally) actual typos “Schutlz” instead of “Schultz” in one place, and a few
of those phantom line endings. Actually, most of the changes have been rewrites.
Pulling some of the jokes, actually.
Hi, Suzanna!!! Well, it’s hard for me to believe I was ever much of a positive role
model in college, considering my average daily chemical intake and the fact that I
was pretty well obsessed with myself. But I was lucky enough to have friends
anyway, which sort of amazes me in retrospect. Maybe you’re right about the
blessings of faulty memory, because some of what I remember about my behavior
during that time is just jaw-dropping. Editing the books is interesting because
there are ways I’ve grown and ways I haven’t, and it’s kind of interesting to see
which is which. At least there don’t seem to be any areas in which I’ve moved
backward. And I still get terrified from time to time when I’m writing, so at least I
haven’t lapsed into complacency. I think that’s when it’s time to hang up the old
keyboard and quit.
Lil, if I really did touch people back in those days, I think it was just because they
happened to be in the neighborhood on a good day. I was so completely wrapped
up with myself that any benefits to others were largely accidental. And I don’t
mean all this to suggest I was having a miserable time. I wasn’t. I was having, by
and large, a terrific time. it’s just in retrospect that so much of it makes me wince.
micael, thanks for adding weight to the response. I was getting lonely. And how
long is it since you’ve seen Robb? Got to be 40 years.
Hi, Tom, I actually like reading the comments best, myself. And my wife starts
with them and then (sometimes) reads the blog. The people who ahow up here
regularly make a big difference to me.
8. Bonnie Says:
Tim, I thought of you when I saw this quotation on Dorothy L a couple of days
ago (by the gal who likes to post literary tidbits):
“Never save anything for your next book, because that possible creation may
not be properly shaped to hold the thoughts you’re working with today. In
fiction especially, anything that could happen, should happen.”
Tam Mossman, American editor, writer and art critic
Not sure whether that should be taken to apply to your jokes. But I guess you can
find all sorts of advice on the topic, all of it different, and much of it effective for
some subset of authors.
Untitled
March 11th, 2011
There’s no point in my trying to write about anything but Japan right now.
Waking up to those images this morning tore the heart out of me. The devastation is unthinkable, in
part because, unlike the areas of Indonesia and Thailand that were destroyed by the 2004 tsunami, these
are so heavily populated. They look so much like America.
(The 2004 tsunami affected me even more directly, since I knew practically every square foot of the
landfall in Phuket. I told Munyin as we watched that I knew what was behind the camera almost all the
time — if the operator had turned 360 degrees, I could have described what we’d see next, all the way
around.)
But Japan. It’s hard to get a grasp on freighters coming together like castanets, or a wall of water
higher than the pine trees in front of it, or trucks upended and flowing beneath highway overpasses, or
oil refineries burning, or the horror of what quite soon might be the first major nuclear power plant
tragedy since Chernobyl. A bullet train (or two) and a cruise ship missing.
In some ways,though, the things that hit hardest are smaller: cell-phone footage taken inside a small
apartment as order degenerates into chaos in seconds and a younger man kneels beside the chair of a
white-haired elder, clasping the older man to his chest and trying to keep the chair upright. And of a
supermarket as female employees in aprons scurry out from under thousands and thousands of falling
items. Or two young women sitting on concrete steps in a plaza between buildings in Tokyo, praying
as the camera that’s recording them jolts up and down.
One thing I’d forgotten until I saw the footage of fires is how much of rural and small-town Japan is
still wood. More of the old Japan, the one I love best, probably lost forever. There are certain to be
draconian fire codes when these areas are rebuilt: more colorless concrete blocks. I know that’s an
aesthetic as opposed to a practical, life-preserving reaction, but that’s the way I am. I regret the loss of
those buildings.
All the images and accounts go to prove all over again is that there’s no productive human response
when the ground beneath our feet — solid ground — is suddenly shaken out like a giant bedspread.
Nothing we want, believe, or plan matters any more. In addition to the loss of life and the physical
wreckage, an event like this leaves behind a transparent devastation of hopes, dreams, love, resolutions
for a new life, selfless gestures, plans for others, ambitions, poems, unpainted pictures, unheard music.
It’s probably a good thing for us that we can’t see this particular landscape.
This entry was posted on Friday, March 11th, 2011 at 1:13 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can follow
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1. Beth Says:
There will likely never by a full tally of the lives lost and, in a way, that is worse.
Some family members may have escaped to name and mourn those they have lost
but there are all those who didn’t have ties to anyone who will miss them, the
tragedy of people who move on to new lives in cities and become anonymous.
There was no peaceful, gentle dying in Japan today. How long is 10 seconds when
it is 10 seconds of horror?
Japan is about as advanced technically as any nation can be but the ingenuity of
humans is nothing against a force of nature.
This weekend, members of every religion will join in prayer for the lost and the
living who will not yet know if they are happy to be alive.
A friend of my daughter’s is married to a Japanese woman. She returned to Japan
to have her baby a few months ago. Her husband is in the US; she and the baby
are to return here in a few weeks. Mother, baby, and her parents are safe, so far, in
Tokyo. We pray that they continue to be.
Beth, I will join you in prayer for your freinds and all the injured and lost souls in
Japan.
What a sorrowful, frightening time. Nature is so impersonal, and so implacable. I
thought of you this morning, Tim, because in an earlier post you had said you
worried about tsunamis, and I wondered where you were in 2004. I think prayer
and community is all we have sometimes. Truly sobering as is your post, and
Beth’s.
4. Gary Says:
I remember where I was in 2004. I was transiting through Colombo airport in Sri
Lanka, on my way to Russia, and in the airport lounge I saw the first reports of the
tsunami coming through on TV. But it wasn’t until I was with friends in Russia
that I found out how bad it was.
I was working in Sri Lanka at that time, and it was sobering to go back to seaside
places I had visited in the past and see the damage. What’s just happened in Japan
makes 2004 look very minor indeed.
I once worked on a coastal zone project in Bangladesh, designed to establish
screens of trees to reduce the effects of hurricane tidal surges. But in the end
there’s a limit to what humanity can do.
5. Tom Logan Says:
We need to live our lives to be certain that every moment has been the best we can
make it because we do not know what the next moment will bring. I try to do at
least one good, charitable, giving thing each day. If the ground disappears from
beneath my feet, I will have done the best I can. Tim, my heart hurts too.
My daughter taught english for two years in Rikuzentakata, which was totally
destroyed despite tsunami barriers. She told me that there is high ground
immediately surrounding the area so her hopes are that people were able to go
there. It’s such a devastating event.
As we are not people of considerable means my daughter did make a a good point
about donations, that if 500 people were to make a 5 dollar donation to the Red
Cross, that would be $2500, a nice tidy sum. Hope it isn’t inappropriate to bring
this up on this site.
She also has many photographs of her time there and when things settle down
somewhat she plans to send copies to her “Japanese family” to try and give them
some of their past back.
Anyhow, thanks for letting me share these simple thoughts with you.
p.s. the woodcut used to illustrate your blog today would have seemed, a few days
ago, quite beautiful, now i look at it with with an ominous feeling in my heart.
8. Beth Says:
March 12th, 2011 at 10:48 am
Thank you, Michael, for the prayers. As Lil, says prayer and the support of the
community are all there is right now.
My daughter hasn’t heard anything since last night about the mother and baby but
the American side of the family are as sure as it is possible to be that there hasn’t
been any significant destruction in the area in which the Japanese family lives.
My daughter’s friend works for something similar to an NGO. He is in Canada
now, his family is in Massachusetts, and his wife and baby are in Japan. They are
all a little bit crazy right now, desperate for any information.
Beth
I’m sorry not to have come in here, but you’re all saying what I feel. Like some of
you, I have friends in Japan, although it seems that some of them were out of the
country and the others seem to be uninjured. I spent part of today watching NHK,
which has a sort of Reader’s Digest online and in English. To the people on the
screen this is local news, and there’s more emotion associated with it than we see
here.
And now it looks like at least one, and possibly two, of the reactors are on their
way to full or partial meltdown. In the only country ever to have atomic weapons
used against them. Today I saw photos of guys in thick white protective suits
waving wands over the bodies of little kids who had been exposed to radiation.
Times like this, I’m glad I’m not a priest, trying to find an explanation for all this,
trying to apologize for God.
Day 163: What Can Anyone Say?
March 12th, 2011
The scope of what’s happened in Japan is unimaginable. It’ll be days, perhaps weeks, before we have a
real sense of it.
The impulse will be to go to statistics, and the statistics that are beginning to come in are hair-raising.
One-half of the 17,000 people living in the town of Minamisanriku are missing.
One-third of the 74,000 people living in the city of Kesennumaya are missing.
The town of Iwate, with a population of 23,000, has been destroyed. No one has a count yet.
Wooden Japan, in towns like Natori (pictured) and Sendai is aflame. Ironically, wooden structures
generally seem to have sustained less damage from the earthquake than concrete structures, but were
swept away like matchboxes in the tsunami and have gone up like tinder in the gas fires that followed.
The main structure of the nuclear plant at Fukushima exploded, but at the time I’m writing this, no one
knows whether the explosion presages a meltdown of the core. Nor can anyone predict what will
happen to one other, almost equally compromised, plant. Officials say they’ll be giving out doses of
iodine soon to help ward off thyroid cancer.
That fact seems to me to be almost infinitely sad. In the aftermath of forces so great they threw
thousand-pound shipping containers around like toys, doses of iodine will be passed out.
And yet maybe that’s the best possible response. Do what’s necessary — do what can be done — as
calmly and graciously as possible.
Already, some grocery stores in the less-devastated areas are open. They’re imposing unofficial daily
rationing, selling off only so much of their stock every day to make it last until new supplies can be
delivered. People are queuing up politely, taking what they can get. There has been not one report of
looting or post-quake predation of any kind.
Because so many cell towers went down, two television stations opened their doors to people who
waited hours in line for a chance to step before the camera and take thirty seconds or less to send an
appeal to the ones they couldn’t find or hadn’t heard from. Please be safe, they say. Please get in touch
when you can. No one seems to have exceeded the thirty seconds.
After the Kobe quake, even the Yakuza set up booths and tables to give away food and water. There
was no looting. Out of the inestimable horror of this event, perhaps Japan will remind us what can
mean to be human, and that Hemingway was right when he defined courage as grace under pressure.
And for what it’s worth, I send them my prayers.
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9 Responses to “Day 163: What Can Anyone Say?”
1. EverettK Says:
March 12th, 2011 at 12:28 pm
In answer to the title of today’s blog: that’s why I didn’t comment yesterday. I had
nothing to say that wasn’t self-obvious. We all live by the grace of [take your
favorite pick] god, luck, happenstance, the whim of the universe, or whatever,
with no discernible rhyme or reason (as you discussed not to long ago in a blog
about ‘luck’). Right now, there are ROUGHLY 140 million births per year and
about 60 million deaths per year. That works out to averages of about 380,000
births per day and about 164,000 deaths per day. Day in. Day out. So, it’s not the
raw numbers that strike us so (although that’s part of it, because we’re not
normally aware of the usual world-wide numbers), or even the unexpectedness.
It’s the concentration, abruptness and unselective nature of it, and the pure raw
power that Earth can unleash. It’s sad, and it can be depressing. But the
uncertainty of life (ie, the certainty of death) is what makes life so precious.
NOTE: I’m not trying to minimize or trivialize these disasters. Not in any way.
But to truly discuss the emotional reaction to something like this would take
something of novel-length, just to get started. Hence, why I didn’t say anything
before…
If I live to a ripe old age, there’s a fair chance (about 10%) that I (and my mess
mates) will get to experience something very similar first-hand. I’ve lived all my
life in western Oregon. There’s a subduction fault just off the coast identical to
that in Japan, and it fires off a HUGE (8.0 to 9.0) quake about every 300-350
years, on average. It’s been 310 years since the last one.
2. Beth Says:
“…for what it is worth, I send them my prayers.” Those prayers are worth more
than anything else. The world is moving fast to provide the Japanese with food,
water, medicine, the basic necessities of life. It is only prayer than can give them
the hope that allows them to take the next breath.
All of those who took their thirty seconds to try and reach someone they love did
so in the certainty that the message would be received and all will be well. Now
there is the agony of waiting, wondering, and worrying. All the second guessing
comes into play and a lot of it will seem ridiculous but it is better to worry about
the little things than to think about the one all consuming fear that makes taking
the that is too much to face in this moment. People are worrying that perhaps they
left the kitchen stove on, or that the sweater they put on their children isn’t warm
enough, or that they should have gone to the ATM before the electricity made the
machines useless. They are worrying about the little things because the thief in the
night who came, instead, on a bright, sunny afternoon may have stolen those who
gave their lives meaning.
Everett, of course the comments people make are obvioius but it is in the
commonality of the response that we connect to other human beings. What people
are really saying is “there but for the grace of God go I”. That does need to be said
to remind ourselves that, at this moment, our problems are as nothing compared to
their problems, their profound loss.
It is interesting that the same comments repeated by people, no matter their
culture, are considered banal when used to response to tragedy. Listen to any
group of fans after their team has won the Superbowl or the World Series.
Everyone who gets a microphone stuck in front of his face says the same thing.
The connection to “fandom” lies in the very obvious repetition of the same
emotion. No one thinks that’s banal or belaboring the obvious. People, unless they
are Tim, aren’t likely to be terribly clever after watching some other person’s life
being destroyed by an accident of geography.
So pray we must because so many of the people who used their 30 seconds on
camera today are going to know all to soon that there are some things worse than
dying.
3. EverettK Says:
Beth: Hence, why I didn’t say anything before. I wasn’t trying to say that no one
should say anything, merely that my thoughts and feelings mirrored Tim’s and
everyone else’s, and I felt no need to add a “me too” to the comments section, and
adding anything beyond (effectively) a “me too” was too likely to be seen as …
uncaring?.
That’s all.
I think Tim is right. It is hard to take in the kind of devastation that is being
pictured. It’s just too hard to imagine. We had a warning where I live, and a lot of
us were calling and talking to each other; that’s what gave us succor. the danger
here was minimal, and went away, but we all talked about our fears about another
earthquake here on the “ring of fire.” Everett, I just got really nervous for you, just
as for us living here on the San Andreas fault. The irony is that Japan has always
been associated with Zen Buddhism, and now they are personifying that grace. In
the end, all we have is each other and the moment.
5. EverettK Says:
Lil said: In the end, all we have is each other and the moment.
Few truer words were ever spoken.
6. Suzanna Says:
A woman who has been my hair stylist for the last dozen years or so just moved
back to Japan in February. Her two sons live here in California and are in college
now. We shared many stories over the years about our kids while I sat in her salon.
We talked about our struggles as parents, the hopes we had for our kids, and what
it was like now that they were finally in college. She moved back to somewhere
outside of Tokyo in February because she wanted to be near her ailing elderly
mother. My gut feeling is that she and her family are safe and sound. I hope I’m
right.
In 2004 a friend of mine was taking her final stroll on the beach in Sri Lanka
when the tsunami struck the shore. She didn’t make it.
I have not been able to watch the news for more than a minute or two. Not
because I’m not interested in knowing what’s happening but because I am
guarding against my natural tendency to become a depressed weeping mess when
I see human suffering on this scale.
My prayers are with the people of Japan and all those who have loved ones who
have been effected by this tragedy.
My brother is in Japan, said the quake was the most intense one he’d ever
experienced. He was lucky to be in an Internet cafe in Tokyo when the shaking
started; the building survived, as did he. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that the destruction was extensive, the loss of life immense. It
will take years, if not decades, for Japan to recover from this, and it seems
unlikely that it will ever come back to being the economic powerhouse it was
before the catastrophe. The quake is not the only reason why this is so, but it’s a
big part of it. This is not to say that Japan will never recover, only that it will look
very much different when it does.
Once again, I’ve stayed away from commenting further because I pretty much
said everything that made sense to me in the original post, and God knows that
was little enough.
And despite what I said about my prayers, at times like these — with the cores of
those reactors quite possibly on the verge of meltdown, it’s hard for me to believe
that there’s anything anywhere that hears or cares about prayers. As I said on the
other response thread, today I saw little kids who had been exposed to radiation
being wanded by guys in huge protective suits. You know what? Fuck that. Tear
down the fucking cathedrals, tax the churches, and declare the earth a god-free
zone. And somebody go talk to the Muslims. Take god out of the equation and
world peace gets a lot easier, and I can’t seen any reason to honor, much less
believe in, a god that allows this. Mysterious ways, my ass.
9. EverettK Says:
March 12th, 2011 at 10:06 pm
Amen, Tim. Well… you know what I mean.
Day 164
March 13th, 2011
How are we supposed to cope with tragedies like the one in Japan?
Natural disasters have a special place in the spectrum of tragedy. They’re different from, say, World
War II or the Holocaust. Human-caused disaster has villains and heroes, and we can use them as
projections of good and evil to try to make “sense” out of what happened.
Not that there’s really any way to make sense out of the deaths of millions. But names like Hitler and
Stalin at least give us something to point at. And then the scholars can step in with their historical
analysis and psychoanalysis and talk about economic causes and racial resentments and fanaticism and
all the other temporary aliases of evil.
But when a couple of tectonic plates slip and cities crumble and burn and the Flood is loosed,
indiscriminately breaking people to pieces and carrying them out to sea, what are we left with? What
do we blame? Plate tectonics? Without plate tectonics, the earth would be barren and sterile. Blame the
sea, where life arose in the first place? What kind of sense does that make? We might as well seek the
answer in astrology.
Or when fleas from rats spread a disease that killed anywhere from 30% to 60% of the population of
Europe in the early fifteenth century. How do we make sense of such an event?
These kinds of things occur someplace beyond the limitations of our moral spectrum. It’s said that
insects see colors we don’t, that they can process parts of the electromagnetic spectrum that are
invisible to us. We’re absolutely unable to imagine these colors. The best we can do is mix together
colors we can see, create hybrids of the known. So with an event like the Japanese tragedy, we mix up
a little geology, a little theology, some compassion, some outrage, some helplessness, and call it a
reaction.
We might as well shake our fists at God, if we believe in God, for all the closer it takes us to
understanding anything. And in a sense, that’s not a bad metaphor because surely God, if God exists, is
profoundly indifferent to a shaken fist.
In the end, what remains for me is a conviction that the universe is monstrously indifferent. And that’s
why it’s so important that the Japanese stand patiently in line in their ruined markets and continue to
bow to each other as they sidestep the rubble in the streets. Someone needs to teach the universe a
lesson.
This entry was posted on Sunday, March 13th, 2011 at 10:41 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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12 Responses to “Day 164”
1. Dana King Says:
March 13th, 2011 at 11:06 am
We’re not going to teach the universe anything. These events are the universe’s
way of teaching us some humility.
2. minervaK Says:
March 13th, 2011 at 12:29 pm
I find this event to be providing a fascinating study in the differences between
western and eastern culture. Were something like this to occur on U.S. soil, there
would be mass disorder, looting and riots — and for what? For what purpose? The
Japanese seem to understand, in a way that we don’t, that the most important
thing, when stuff like this happens, is to maintain compassionate and orderly
relations with one another. A westerner looks at it and thinks “those people are
nuts!” Personally, I think they’re miles ahead of most of us.
3. Maria Yolanda Says:
March 13th, 2011 at 12:38 pm
I agree with Dana. Mother Nature is a powerful mysterious organism that has its
own needs. Who is to say all the atomic testing, gas and oil drilling, salt water
pumping into it’s interior, plastics, miles of sun reflecting pavement, toxic drugs
and chemicals altering the earth’s balance hasn’t created this tragedy. I have
always felt that we are like a bad virus on the earth surface. We give it
a sneezing coughing cold and weather like hurricanes, tornadoes, volumes of rain
and snow are created to heal itself. Great minds have been trying to figure out and
predict earthquakes to no avail. How can we understand the balance of such a
misunderstood and neglected power?
When the earth has had enough of our abuse it will simply slough us off it’s crust.
It will remain long after we have vanished.
At least “Charlie” has quieted. Maybe he realizes how insignificant his meltdown
really is in the scope of things.
I like the way you’ve opened up the question but I have an alternative possibility
for an answer. We are supposed to learn something from such an event but we
have to dig deep to discover what it is. It’s nature’s version of a Zen Koan – it’s
anything but obvious but much can be gained from contemplating an answer.
5. Beth Says:
The comment to Dana was beneath you. You are far too intelligent to think that
anyone is suggesting that the Japanese brought this horror upon themselves.
The earthquake was an inevitability in that the archipelago sits on top of the most
active tectonic plates on the planet. The Japanese are one of the most
technologically advanced countries in the world and they did what they could
within the limits of human intelligence to protect themselves. Maybe more would
have died if they were not. What if Haiti had suffered like Japan? God didn’t do it.
The forces of nature under the crust of the planet did it.
Humanity gets warnings every now and then about the power unleashed by
natural phenomena. Sometimes we listen, most of the time we don’t.
Dana’s comment reminds me of the story I heard growing up about the hurricane
of 1938 that arrived on the northeast coast pretty much unannounced. It blew over
Long Island and the water took homes and lives as the land mass was buried
under Long Island Sound.
Today, Long Island is densely populated, far more so than in 1938. Will Long
Island experience another hurricane like that? Probably. Is Long Island better
prepared so that there will not be a huge loss of life? No. Hubris, arrogance, or
whatever will lead to another tragedy at some point in the future.
It is everyone’s sincere hope that Japan will never have to suffer like this again.
But they will be better prepared for it if it happens again because they will use
their brains and their brawn to be ready just in case.
Why do we always look for someone to blame? We live in a physical world that is
subject to the laws of physics. Gods kingdom is spiritual. We will help the
Japanese materially. God, through his grace, will gives us the compassion to do
this. He will grant the Japanese the peace to bury their dead and the courage to go
on living. This is what he offers all of us in trying times. These are not trivial gifts
and their worth should be carefully weighed before shaking your fist at him.
7. Beth Says:
Thank you, Michael.
My God is a mighty God, and, as the kids used to sing, “a mighty good God is
He.”
Strong faith doesn’t make this any less a horror but the Japanese have faced
terrible things in their history. They are strong and, while they may not know it
now, they are being held up in love and sympathy.
All the people in the world are praying to the God of their understanding to bring
solace and that is no small thing.
I think God likes us to question Him every now and then. It gives Him the
opportunity to provide us with answers
I withdraw my comments. I’ve said what I have to say, and I’m not going to
debate about God because it’s the world’s least productive pastime.
9. Robb Royer Says:
Christopher Hitchens, when told in a ‘does god exist?’ debate that he would have
ten minutes to make his point, said he didn’t need ten whole minutes to disprove
the existence of god. I’m with him. I can only add if god does exist, it certainly
has a puckish sense of humor.
By the way, hi to you micael. Been a while. You should know there hasn’t been a
moment since I saw you last when there hasn’t been at least one Hallinan
displayed in my home. Thanks for the everlasting uplift. I didn’t answer earlier
because the situation and the conversation seemed so dour. It doesn’t seem like
things are going to brighten in the immediate future so… hi anyway.
10.EverettK Says:
Good idea, Tim. Too many wars have already been fought… It’s like kids on a car
11.Sylvia Says:
And that’s why it’s so important that the Japanese stand patiently in line in their
ruined markets and continue to bow to each other as they sidestep the rubble in
the streets. Someone needs to teach the universe a lesson.
I liked this line a lot.
12.EverettK Says:
I am God, I said, and I am Good, and I am Great, and I am one big, Almighty
SOB. But, at least I have a sense of humor (of godly proportions).
I mean, I’m the only one in town, All Knowing, All Powerful (so obviously I’m the
only one, or how else would I be All Knowing and All Powerful). But I’m bored
out of my gourd, so I says to myself, I says, “Hey, I know (obviously, as I’m All
Knowing, remember?), I’ll create a Universe!” And just like that, I did. And
hundreds of billions of galaxies were born (first I had to invent numbers, but
who’s counting), each with hundreds of billions of stars. Pretty impressive, huh?
That’s a LOT of stars, even for someone as All Powerful as me! That’s, like, you
know, a 5 with 22 zeroes after it stars! Neat huh? But what’s a star without
necklaces of planets strung around them? A God’s work is never done.
But then, I was bored again. Nothing was happening, just silly rocks going ’round
and ’round, so then I says to myself, I says, “I know, I’ll create Life!” (The life of
the one and only God is All Mighty lonely, you know?) I started out with little tiny
viruses, but they needed something to infect, so I created single cell bacteria, and
then I had this god-like brain-stroke: how about if I stick a bunch of these cells
together and create even bigger things for the viruses to infect? Cool! So next
came the platypus.
But eventually I realized that I was still bored, so I decided to create something
that looked just like me, in my own image. And that’s how Jimmy Durante came to
be such a great comedian (remember my godly sense of humor?). No, seriously (I
am, after all, a Serious and Jealous and All Mighty God), first I created Adam
(although he wasn’t called that at first, because I hadn’t invented language yet,
because there wasn’t anyone to talk to until I created Adam, a chicken-and-egg
thing, you know?). But then he got lonely, ’cause I was always out playing
marbles with planets, so I took a piece of Adam (I’d already shot my wad creating
him and didn’t have the energy to start over from scratch, even Gods get tired,
you know?) and made an inferior model, Eve. I told her she must always listen to
Adam’s commands and obey him, because Adam was just like me. (I invented
language in between creating Adam and Eve, so he and I could shoot the breeze,
when I wasn’t out shooting marbles.) Adam was perfect (he was created by Me,
after all, in My image), but Eve was missing something, and she was ALWAYS
getting into trouble. How that came to be, I’m not sure, because I’m All Knowing
and All Powerful, but hey, even the Great Ones shank a ball now and then.
Originally I created Adam and Eve as stupid idiots who just lazed around in the
Garden and screwed their useless brains out. And worshipped me, of course. But
one day, Eve, that idiot, found my Tree of Knowledge and ate of the Fruit
(because the Snake, that Devil, told her to). Wait a minute, where’d the Snake
come from? I am All Powerful, All Knowing. Who let the Snake into my Garden?
I’m pissed! I’m an Angry and Jealous God, I am! Anyway, now Adam and Eve
and all their little tykes that came from their idiotic screwing Knew things, and
that wasn’t good. But hey, never one to pass up the slightest whim that came my
way, I decided to have some fun with it (remember my godly Sense of Humor?). I
laid down the law: you can kill anything I’ve created that you want (in fact, I
demand that you do so on a regular basis, as the only way I know that you love
me is if you kill Peter the Rabbit and Fluffy the Ewe, and burn them so the smoke
carries them up to me in the heavens), but don’t you dare kill each other. You’re
my prized creations, you’re the Kings of my Kingdom, and only I may kill you!
(And to make it really funny, I’ll do just that, in the most arbitrary ways and at the
most unexpected moments. What’s funnier than mass confusion and unexpected
twists and turns in the plot?)
Sadly, as it turns out, my creations weren’t as perfect as I thought. In my
Godliness, I gave them Free Will. How I thought I was going to remain All
Powerful when other creatures had Free Will, I have no idea. Well, not really, I
mean, I have to have an idea, because I’m All Knowing. I’ll just say that I work in
Mysterious Ways. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Yours is not to ask or
wonder why, I’m Mysterious. (Snort. Damn, I’m a funny guy! Where do I come up
with this shit? Oh, right, I created it. I created everything. But it’s not my fault
when those idiot humans do something stupid! I laid down the law and I expect
them to follow it.)
What’s truly amazing is that they stop believing in the Tooth Fairy, the Easter
Bunny (who’s always trying to steal my thunder, even if I did steal everyone else’s
holidays) and Santa Claus. But they keep believing in me, without any proof and
against all reason. I guess not everyone got an equal share of the fruit from the
Tree of Evil… er… Knowledge. Sorry, got confused there for a moment. But all
these other religions that sprang up, before Word of Me reached them, that’s
pretty hilarious, too. Of course, they’ll boil and blister until the end of my game of
marbles, since they never worshiped Me with burnt rabbits and ewes, even though
they had no way of knowing about me. It’s their parents fault for not teaching
them properly, so they can all go to hell. Hilarious!
And then there’s that whole Mary and Joseph mess. I mean, normally humans are
screwing like rabbits, but that idiot Joseph, even after he’s married to Mary, he
still doesn’t lay a hand (or any other appendage on her). Which was fortunate,
because I needed a Virgin to carry My Seed, to give birth to My Son (I wouldn’t
have a daughter, they’re damaged, remember?). And no seed of mine is going to
go where man has gone before. Besides, if man HAD gone before, how would
other men know that it was My Seed and not His? Er, his. But that was my biggest
joke. Send myself, or my son, or my ghost… whatever, it’s confusing, and that’s
part of the humor, don’t you see? …down to this little podunk village in the middle
of the desert, let the humans kill me, er…my son, and then tell them that he died
voluntarily to save all of them, but ONLY if they all believe it. Otherwise, I’ll fry
their asses for eternity. Of course, most of the people alive at the time will never
hear about it, it will take hundreds of generations for the news to spread
throughout the world, but hey, I’ve got a game of marbles to play. Don’t bother
me with details, I have a hard enough time keeping track of every sparrow that
falls.
But, I’ll tell you, I’m getting REAL tired of sitting up here, slinging out new souls,
every time a couple of humans get horny. Well, at least when one’s a man and
one’s a woman. After all, I never intended for two men or two women to fool
around. Can you imagine anything funnier? (God, what a sense of humor!)
Anyway, back to the souls, it’s getting really old. I’ve got a game of marbles to
play with some planets in the next galaxy, but these damn Kings of the Earth keep
making new babies, so I have to keep slinging out new souls for them (and then
they have the temerity to kill some of those babies before they’re even born,
sending those souls right back to me like rejects!). And then the damn fools keep
dying, so I’ve got this unending stream of souls coming back, and it’s getting
damned crowded around here. It pisses me off, and I get so Angry that I try to
shake some sense into them, but they’re so stupid that they think it’s just an
earthquake and that I’m acting in Mysterious Ways again.
Sigh. I’m starting to long for the good old days when I was lonely and I hadn’t yet
screwed everything up with Creation.
Maybe the Joke’s on Me.
March 13th, 2011
Sorry, haven’t got it in me today.
This entry was posted on Sunday, March 13th, 2011 at 8:54 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can follow
own site.
As a recent proponent of the power of No, I’m proud to see this today. Good for
you.
2. Helen Simonson Says:
March 14th, 2011 at 10:22 am
“Some days are like breaking rocks” – Tim Hallinan. Pick up the hammer, Tim.
Your commentary on Japan appreciated. There must be a reason I checked in on
you today so I’m urging you to continue to speak. Many regards, Helen S.
March 14th, 2011 at 12:52 pm
Ditto, ditto. I’ve been told that taking risks is a good thing, and you do this every
time you write. This has been an awful weekend, so devastating and, again, a
reminder of how vulnerable we are. Take your breather, Tim. I, too, laud you.
Depressing, I know! But Tim’s been carrying all of us for a good long time, now,
so maybe it wouldn’t be too much of a hardship for us to just suck it up and take
up the slack. Just for today, though; if he doesn’t have things back on the rails by
tomorrow, I’m calling for a boycott of this blog and revocation of his writer’s
license.
5. Glenn W Says:
I’m with Helen: your commentary on the human condition, on writing, on the
funny and the outrageous and the wonderful and the overwhelming and the tragic
and the power and glory and devastation of the very nature we nurture and
nurtures us, on a language to even speak about what has happened in Japan……all
of it is important stuff that comes our way from you. Take a breather, yes, but
know you are appreciated and motor on.
6. EverettK Says:
I’ve tried calling again, but nobody’s answered. Should I yell louder?
7. Debbi Says:
*bang* *bang* Hey, in there! Your door knocker just fell off!
http://midlistlife.wordpress.com/2011/03/13/the-further-adventures-of-nickdanger-%E2%80%94-part-3/
8. Robb Royer Says:
My friend Micheal (sic) Smotherman (see micael, your’e not the only one who
spells it funny) tells this story: when he was a very young musician, his band went
into the studio early one evening to cut a track. Well, it turns out the band sucked.
For eleven hours they banged away hopelessly, never coming close to getting it.
Finally at six in the morning they threw in the towel. As they came squinting out
into the morning sun they stepped over a drunk who had been lying outside,
apparently listening to the whole thing. He looked up in slurry disappointment and
begged ‘aw come on fellas… don’t give up now!’
This, Tim is my message to you.
9. Larissa Says:
Hey you-I’ve been holding off commenting because there’s too much to say and
yet nothing at all. But I wanted to at least drop in and say hi.
10.Suzanna Says:
Thinking of you, and hope you’re feeling better.
Hi, everyone, and thanks. These have been very encouraging, not to say touching.
But I’m through with the daily outing. No drama, no recriminations, especially
since whatever went awry was my fault in the first place. The next blog will
‘splain everything.
Day 165: Enough Already
March 15th, 2011
When I started this thing, on October 1 of last year, I wrote:
“Obviously, I’m going to run out of material long before I run out of days. That’s part of the charm,
actually. There will be days when I have to write about things I don’t want to write about, just because
I’ve used up everything I do want to write about.”
I reached that point a little earlier than I thought I would. In a way, this has been like writing a novel in
that sooner or later you get past the point where you can skate on sleight-of-hand. Doing this every day
is hard, and after 160-some posts it requires an increasing amount of energy to avoid subject matter that
I don’t necessarily want to share and that you don’t necessarily want shared in your direction.
So the experiment is over. From now on I’ll blog as often as I have something I actually want to say.
That might be seven days in one week or two days in a month.
Thanks to everyone who hung in there. It’s been huge fun at times, and never more so than when the
blog was driven for a week or so in the direction of politically correct goodness and light. Wumsy
thanks you.
I apologize to Dana King, who got the blunt end of fury that wasn’t even directed at him. I not only
like and admire Dana, but I’m also grateful to him for being so kind to my books, and I’m grateful to
Beth for giving me a quick slap so that I could pull my response off the site. But when I start to do
things like that, it’s probably time to give it a rest.
So here comes the rest.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 15th, 2011 at 9:17 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
26 Responses to “Day 165: Enough Already”
1. EverettK Says:
It’s been a wonderful 5 1/2 months, sometimes funny, sometimes depressing,
sometimes enlightening, almost always entertaining. I (and I’m sure all of your
faithful followers) will miss the Daily Dose of Hallinan. But hopefully this
experiment has helped you to re-train yourself, to some degree, to get started
writing earlier in the day and to be more productive with your time.
Chin up, face to the wind and keep following your path wherever you choose it to
lead you.
2. Glenn W. Says:
Tim,
This morning I am reminded of Meister Eckart’s words that “…if the only prayer
we ever say is ‘Thank You’, that will be enough.”
So, to you Tim, I simply say a hearty “Thank You” for all you’ve given of and
from yourself over the last several months.
Take care of yourself and that remarkable woman in your life!
3. Suzanna Says:
March 15th, 2011 at 11:41 am
Hi, Tim
I respect your decision to blog when you feel like you have something you want
to say.
I have nothing but pure appreciation and admiration for you for all that you’ve
shared with us during this tremendous blog challenge and for sticking it out this
long. I can only imagine how difficult it’s been to maintain the energy for this
project on top of all of your work. You work harder than anyone I know.
I’ll definitely keep checking back for future posts, may they come freely and as
frequently as you see fit.
4. Tom Logan Says:
March 15th, 2011 at 11:47 am
Resting is good whether elected from within or imposed from the outside. I hope
the “Dead End” sign will be replaced with “Slow” or “One Lane Ahead” or “Work
Zone.” I have enjoyed the blogs and will check for a new one each day. The first
priority is take care of Tim–I think this past week has been devastating for you.
Thanks Tim for letting me in.
March 15th, 2011 at 12:20 pm
Okay, so I wasn’t really gonna boycott Tim’s blog, but with him not posting every
day, it will still seem like I am. Think win/win.
I can only echo what the others have said. Thank you for sharing of yourself, and
your enormous intellectual curiosity, and your wonderful humor and, yes, those
feelings which are harder to express. I’ve said this before-thank you for being
real. I’ll be checking in and continue to savor your books. Take care of you, and
enjoy your life. Hopefully we’ll see you here soon.
What will I ever do with all the time that’s now freed up?
Been some good stuff in these Tim.
8. Colleen Kennedy Says:
Tim, thank you for your sharing time, your wit, your knowledge and your grace.
And thank you for not using cookies!
9. Jess Says:
Have I discovered your site too late? Are you abandoning your blog? I’ve read the
first of your novel writing lessons … good stuff.
I plan to poke around some more but I do hope you’ll fing your blogging voice
again. ~j
10.Debbi Says:
I admire that you’ve kept at it this long. Well done.
*applause* *applause*
Thanks, everybody. This isn’t the end — nothing that dramatic. I’ll still be here a
few times a week — just not up every morning ransacking what remains of my
brain for something to say.
I can’t tell you all how I’ve appreciated the support over these weeks and months.
This really isn’t a big deal — just a change of priorities. I’ll write more about it in
a blog.
There may not be a daily dose, but I’m certain I can exceed the monthly
recommended requirement.
12.Robb Royer Says:
But dollink, vat vill ve do now?
I don’t know, dollink, but vatever it izz, ve vill do it togezzer.
Tim, I cant tell you how much I will miss your blog. I was in awe of how you
seemed to handle every situation with intelligence and good humor. Are you sure
your are the same Tim Hallinan that I grew up with? And the people who wrote in;
how did you manage to surround yourself with so mant bright and interesting
people. I enjoyed the comments almost as much as the blog; and in the case of
wumsey more than the blog. Robb it was nice to hear from you. When we were
young and people strummed guitars Robb actually played one. He was also a great
swimmer and a lifeguard. If I have this wrong why would you ever bother to
correct me. Larissa, good luck with your show. I’m sorry I couldn’t have been of
more (any) help. Suzanna, I assume you an Aguayo. I remember your brother, the
only pearson I ever knew who had a boxing ring in the back yard. Everett, I
enjoyed your comments and was especially pleased by your take on Poke. Beth,
we are on the same page spiritually. To everyone else as well as those included, I
hope that with Tims blessings we can continue to communicate through this blog.
And Tim can chime in whenever he feels moved to do so. I will not miss capcha.
nd the people who wrote in
I should really proof read my comments.
16.Debbi Says:
He just vants to be alone for a vile. Dats all.
Well, micael, that was really touching, even with the elbow in the ribs about what
it might have been like to grow up with me. And Robb could never really play the
guitar. He just had the moves down.
I agree about this group of people. Pretty amazing.
I’m not going to stop blogging — just not going to do it daily. It really got
difficult toward the end, especially as the peasants began to assemble outside the
castle with their torches and leather shorts.
18.EverettK Says:
leather shorts???
I hope you realize, Tim, that this is your public blog you’re writing in, not your
private S&M journal.
Just a “head’s up”…
19.Peg Brantley Says:
March 18th, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Hugs, Tim. I’ll be lookin’ for you.
20.Suzanna Says:
Michael or is it Micael? I am an Aguayo still. Don’t remember the boxing ring in
our backyard. Was it really a ring? Don’t remember my brother boxing either. Do
remember the tiki hut though. Think he had something to do with that too.
HEY SUZANNA, There is every chance that I have this wrong ,but I dont think
so. I remember a boxing ring. Any way my name Michael but my computer
doesnt think so. Its like being in the witness protection program. Im slowly losing
letters from my name and one day I will cease to exist. So its good you got to me
when you did.
22.Suzanna Says:
Michael, I don’t doubt you at all. I just have a faulty memory for the early days
especially. There certainly could have been a ring. My brother could have been
into boxing too.
Maybe Tim remembers? Or Maria?
Anyway, thanks for the boxing ring memory I need all the help I can get piecing it
all together!
Michael and Suzanna, you guys should get together some time (with your spouses
in attendance, of course). You’d love each other.
And, boy, this is the way to get comments, huh? Quit. I don’t know how many
times it’ll work, though.
Captcha” alboglabla erreara
24.Suzanna Says:
Sounds great! Tim and Micael (I think it should always be spelled this way from
now on) you guys think of a time and place and I’ll be there, spouse in tow.
25.EverettK Says:
Sheesh, Tim. I don’t think I’d want to bend over around anyone with THAT
Captcha!
26.RJ Says:
hi Tim,
shucks. as always, i’m the last to know and last to post. at least i’ve been
consistent with that. so, kudos to you, tim, for all these wonderful five and a half
months of delighting us, your loyal readers, with your wit and your way with
words. been visiting your site for more than a coupla years, and it’s been
something to look forward to, whether theres’s an earth-shattering reveal about
something or the other or not.
thanks, tim.
The Longest Day of the Year
March 17th, 2011
Is it over yet?
Those of us who are Irish (or, to put it more elegantly, “of Irish extraction”) have to face up to St.
Patrick’s Day once a year. It brings into view all the worst aspects of the Irish character, a character
that has more than its share of worst characteristics.
Remember, this small — even tiny — country is responsible for “Lord of the Dance,” “When Irish
Eyes Are Smiling,” Mickey Rooney, the peat bog fire, Barry Fitzgerald, leprechauns, most of the cops
in Boston, and Bono. And, of course, drinking. And more drinking.
I’m fine with being Irish, to the extent that I am. My family always identified as Irish, even though my
mother’s father was German and my father’s mother was Swiss. But we were Irish enough to buy into
the vision of Ireland as a land of poets, rain, and fist fights. We were, or at least I was, secretly proud
that my father’s father had dropped the “O” in O’Hallinan at Ellis Island or wherever he entered the
country.
But even when I was a young snob, as opposed to the old snob I’ve grown into, St. Patrick’s Day
offended me. The thing that appealed to me about Irishness was melancholy, not drinking and doing
the jig and making dialect jokes and sodden sentimentality and the wearing of the green and all that
awful music. What I liked was old grievances, broken hearts, cloudy skies, and poets: Yeats and Synge
and even Wilde, who spent a lifetime denying his melancholy and gave into it only in Reading Gaol,
when he wrote the greatest words of his life.
If I’d been consulted before I was born, asked which ethnic or national group I’d like to be a member
of, I probably would have said the Jews. Lots of classical musicians, composers, physicists, novelists,
poets. Lots of internalized loss and grievance. Lots of humor. A cohesive sense of looking out for one
another, as demonstrated in the way most of my Jewish friends can identify second cousins and other
relatives far enough from the tree to marry legally.
And those characteristics are shared with the Irish, which is probably why there are those who hold that
the inhabitants of the Emerald Isle are one of the Lost Tribes of Israel. But those aren’t the
characteristics St. Patrick’s Day celebrates. It celebrates the twee, twinkling, leprechaun, isn’talcoholism-entertaining image of the Irish character. And you can keep it.
I can’t wait until it’s over.
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10 Responses to “The Longest Day of the Year”
1. EverettK Says:
March 17th, 2011 at 12:59 pm
I’ve never been to Ireland, but from what I’ve read and seen (TV and movies), it’s
gray and wet and windy and dreary enough, for far too much of the year, to make
ANYONE melancholy. No wonder they drink to excess! And I’m from western
Oregon, which has it’s own share of similar weather for 5-6 months out of the
year. But at least we get a decent sized break.
However, yeah, a very little bit of the isn’t-alcoholism-entertaining stuff goes a
long way, whether you’re of Irish extraction or not.
2. John - your friendly neighborhood Lindquist Says:
St. Patty’s Day always brings out the leprechaun in this Norski. Few things are
more fun than tipping over a step dancer who has imbibed one too many. There he
goes on the floor – still kicking, not missing a beat, and (bonus!) starting to
perform a slow spin.
I think it is interesting that you mention the Jews. I hail from that background, and
it is very culturally rich, valuing learning and the arts. I feel fortunate to have that
background, but here comes the melancholy. The dark side of that is the kind of
rarified atmosphere which makes us sound elitist, and somewhat removed from
regular work life which we aren’t. In the last few years, I have discovered Irish
writers, along with other fans, and I find myself drawn to the atmosphere and the
immense talent I find there. (I don’t know if you qualify, living in sunny Southern
California. Is this a rumor that the Irish are a lost tribe of Israel? That would
explain the affinity I have for the Celts, the Scots, oh hell, all the Britons.
Probably no connection at all.
Women are from Venus, men are from Ireland. Thats all we need to know about
Ireland…..Also ” two Irishmen walk out of a bar” It could happen. Anyway,
unlike my no fun brother I love St Patrick’s day. Tonight I am eating three times
my body weight (the humming bird diet) in corn beef and cabbage with soda
bread. Whats that, no potatos? O.K. Potatos too. Yes Muns, you can come by.
5. Gary Says:
Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
Tim really loves St. Patrick’s Day. It’s just that he can’t bring himself to say it.
6. Debbi Says:
Hey, Tim, you forgot to mention those annoying Riverdance people with their
arms hanging useless down their sides and their feet going all clippety-cloppety.
Enough of that shite, I say.
Ahhh, the Ould Sod – it draws them every time.
Everett, Oregon is the American Ireland, but more politically correct. Also higher
in software engineers and game designers, in place of potato farmers, bartenders,
and revolutionaries.
John, the phrase,”the leprechaun in the Norski” opens up whole new vistas of
hangover awfulness, hangovers so bad that the part of your head that feels best on
the day after is the part you fell on, the night before. Thanks so much for bringing
that into my life.
Lil, I’ve heard it theorized repeatedly that the Irish are the descendants of one of
the ten lost tribes, specifically the Tribe of Dan, which is kind of an informal
name for a lost tribe. There’s also a lost tribe of Simeon, which is not where
Simeon Grist’s name came from.
micael gets the funniest line, women are from Venus, men are from Ireland. I hope
you enjoy your dreadful meal and I hope the windows are open while it’s being
cooked. The stench of cooking cabbage has a half-life measured in centuries. I
used to have a great recipe for potato soda bread though. Damn, it was good.
Nice Wilde quote there, Gary, and from Reading Gaol, too. Some do it with a pint
of beer/Some with shillelaghs drawn. I know, “drawn” doesn’t rhyme with
“heard,” but I get points foe “shillelaghs.”
Debbi, I thought I hated Riverdance until I saw The Lord of the Dance. Compared
to The Lord of the Dance, Riverdance is Swan Lake.
8. Gary Says:
Yet others sneer at what they love
Treat Patrick’s Day with scorn
Some do it with a pint of beer
Some with shillelags drawn
There you are. And I give it to you for nothing.
The lesbian girl at the pizza place where we picked up our traditional Irish pizza
last night called it amateur drinking day.
I’ll drink to that.
10.Suzanna Says:
I think it’s safe to say that we all have racial stereotypes aimed our way that are
insulting but honestly I hadn’t considered that St Patrick’s Day may be insulting
to some on so many levels until now, so thanks for enlightening me.
Hope you had a good day despite all the St Pat’s fanfare.
Raining. Here. Again. Ugh.
Spirits of Place
March 19th, 2011
This is a torii, a Shinto structure through which the Gods enter.
You’ll find a torii in front of every Shinto shrine in Japan. You’ll also see them free-standing, like this
one, wherever there seems to be a vortex of kami, or spirits of place. Many of them stand in seawater,
either in the ocean or in bays.
Shinto is perhaps the oldest Japanese religion and the closest to being home-grown, although the name
is taken from two Chinese words, shin, meaning “spirit,” and to, which is a derivative of tao (as in
Taoism), meaning a path or a course of study. So I suppose you could say it’s a spiritual path of study.
It’s sometimes translated as “the way of the gods.”
Despite the borrowing of Chinese words — probably chosen because Japan never invented a written
language of its own but instead appropriated the character-based system of the Chinese — Shinto is
Japanese to its roots. The Shinto creation story is essentially the story of the creation of Japan. In it,
two powerful kami, Izanami and Izanagi, were deputed by other gods to create the world. After some
trial and error, they created the eight islands that became known as Japan.
Izanami and Izanagi at work
Therefore, Shinto holds Japan itself as sacred. It further holds that kami are to be found in all aspects
of the natural world and that the natural world is therefore the source of beauty and goodness. Nature
is sacred. To be removed from nature is to be far from the gods.
Shinto gods have no investment in morality. They do not judge or punish. Human suffering, presently
so abundant in Japan, is not seen as punishment but as a state that is sometimes unavoidable. In times
of suffering, people might go to a shrine and seek purification. Most Shinto shrines are built to house
an especially strong or vital kami, and therefore they literally mark places that are rich in spirit.
A visit to a shrine actually begins with a ritual cleaning. There is a basin outside virtually all Shinto
shrines.
Here is how it should be used.
Hands and mouth should be washed thoroughly. Cleanliness is an important aspect of Shinto.
Then one may ring a bell or clap one’s hands and pray.
The purpose of prayer is not to atone for past wrongs or to avoid future misfortune. It is to strengthen
one’s connection with the earth, with the source of spirit, and to hasten the reestablishment of one’s
own equilibrium. It also may help turn away the influence of mischievous spirits.
Once one has visited the temple, one is supposed to behave properly, which in Shinto means in a way
that furthers the aims and the harmony of the group. This probably explains the extraordinary behavior
of the Japanese in the wake of the recent disasters.
These are pictures of Shinto Shrines at Fukushima, neither of which may be standing now.
One of the first things that strikes me when I look at Shinto shrines is how they mirror the Japanese
aesthetic of natural simplicity, an aesthetic that clearly has its roots in the belief that the natural world is
the source of spirituality.
Shinto is not an exclusive religion. It recognizes the multitudes of angels, demons, messiahs, saints,
and spiritual leaders from other religions as kami. Most Japanese, if asked, would probably say they
practice both Shinto and Buddhism.
But there’s a functional division between the two. Shinto, which doesn’t really touch on the afterlife, is
the religion of daily life, while Buddhism is the religion (at least in part) of the afterlife. Most Japanese
weddings are Shinto ceremonies, but almost all funerals are Buddhist.
I’m certain that Buddhism is much on the minds of the Japanese today.
This entry was posted on Saturday, March 19th, 2011 at 12:14 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
8 Responses to “Spirits of Place”
1. Suzanna Says:
“…the natural world is the source of spirituality.”
“To be removed from nature is to be far from the gods.”
“The purpose of prayer is not to atone for past wrongs or to avoid future
misfortune. It is to strengthen one’s connection with the earth, with the source of
spirit, and to hasten the reestablishment of one’s own equilibrium.”
This is a lovely, Tim.
Apparently my views on nature/spirituality have a lot in common with Shintoist
beliefs.
Every day I seem to learn something new by reading your blog, Tim.
Thank You!
Very nice tour of Japanese spirituality. Very interesting.
Thank you Tim, I learned a lot from this post and it gave me momentary respite
from the recent events in Japan.
8 years ago My oldest daughter taught english in Rikuzentakta for two years and
fell in love with the town and the people. The town was virtually wiped out by the
tsunami and many are still missing.
Despite her deep sadness she has heard that a close friend and her two daughters
are alive but there are so many not yet heard from, the students she taught, the
other teachers and general citizens, all of whom were wonderful to this lone
Canadian while she was there. This disaster cuts deep and I know many others
have similar stories.
Eerily enough the captcha is shintoshu kedizo…..
4. EverettK Says:
The closest thing I’ve ever come to what *I* consider a ‘church’ or ‘shrine’ is
walking through an old growth Douglas Fir forest in the summer time, with 6-8
foot diameter trees trunks all around me, towering up into the sky, and a ceiling of
fir boughs far overhead, with the sun beams slanting down through the columns of
the trunks to light our way.
That’s my idea of ‘heaven.’
5. Tom Logan Says:
Thank you, Tim. This one was worth waiting for.
Hi, everybody, and glad you liked it.
Shinto is one of those religions, like Buddhism, that has nothing to do with a deity
who created the universe and remains somehow active, or at least interested, in its
affairs. Instead, it locates spiritual power here, in the perfect balance of the natural
world.
That makes it an animistic belief. I’m deeply attracted to animism myself. Some
of my most powerful memories are of being alone in the woods or beside a creek
that ran through the woods and being uplifted by the energy that flowed through,
and from, my surroundings. This conviction was enhanced when I experienced
mescaline and peyote in places like Joshua Tree and literally saw the pulse of life
in everything, saw how trees arranged and balanced themselves, saw the
luminosity in everything alive. Had a coyote walk up to me. One of the things I
love about Thailand is the practice of wrapping the saffron of a monk’s robe
around certain trees and stones, places of power. I’m for it absolutely.
Suzanna, thanks for the personal reaction. I think one of the problems of urban life
is that people in cities, especially in poorer communities, are so severed from the
natural world and its meditative power. It’s easy to believe that people are all there
is in that kind of environment.
Thanks, Laren — means extra coming from a spiritual practitioner like you.
Barbara, my heart aches for the people of Rikuzentakta and all the other towns in
Fukushima and Miyagi prefectures that simply disappeared. Whole worlds gone,
especially since the average age in the north is older; the young tend to leave and
go to the urban areas. I don’t know who the great poet, or even cinematic poet, is
of older, rural japan — maybe Ozu. Maybe I should watch some Ozu, since I have
about 20 of his films here. And of course, the Shintoshu is a Shinto book from the
14th century, although I think it’s more anthropological than religious, since it was
compiled by Buddhists.
Everett, I’ve shared that forest experience and it moved me to my core. I went
with Munyin, who had signed up to run the marathon called the Avenue of the
Giants, up near Eureka, on the Russian River. I was supposed to hold her stuff and
drink coffee while she ran, but when the gun went off, I started to run, too, and
found myself in an old-growth forest of redwoods, just an outdoor cathedral. I
kept running for 13 miles, the first half of the marathon, and it was days before I
could bend my knees.
Thanks to you, Tom, and thanks again for coming back.
All compassion and support to the people in the north of Japan.
March 20th, 2011 at 10:04 am
This is so beautiful and so poignant. I think animism has a lot going for it. The
first time I was in Yosemite National Park, there was snow on the ground and we
wandered through the very old redwoods. I swear I got this mysterious high where
I could hear the sap running, and just FEEL the life of the trees. Something
happens to me when face with that kind of grandeur. Of course, I scared my
family-what’s wrong with Mom? Nature provides its own cathedrals, if we would
only look. Thank you, Tim. (captch is ipsp sencei)
Beautiful and illuminating blog, Tim – Thanks.
A Letter from Japan
March 22nd, 2011
This was sent to us by a neighbor. It’s from an American English teacher in Sendai, one of the hardesthit cities. It moves me deeply.
Hello My Lovely Family and Friends,
First I want to thank you so very much for your concern for me. I am very touched. I also wish to
apologize for a generic message to you all. But it seems the best way at the moment to get my message
to you.
Things here in Sendai have been rather surreal. But I am very blessed to have wonderful friends who
are helping me a lot. Since my shack is even more worthy of that name, I am now staying at a friend’s
home. We share supplies like water, food and a kerosene heater. We sleep lined up in one room, eat by
candlelight, share stories. It is warm, friendly, and beautiful.
During the day we help each other clean up the mess in our homes. People sit in their cars, looking at
news on their navigation screens, or line up to get drinking water when a source is open. If someone
has water running in their home, they put out sign so people can come to fill up their jugs and buckets.
Utterly amazingly where I am there has been no looting, no pushing in lines. People leave their front
door open, as it is safer when an earthquake strikes. People keep saying, “Oh, this is how it used to be
in the old days when everyone helped one another.”
Quakes keep coming. Last night they struck about every 15 minutes. Sirens are constant and
helicopters pass overhead often. We got water for a few hours in our homes last night, and now it is for
half a day. Electricity came on this afternoon. Gas has not yet come on. But all of this is by area. Some
people have these things, others do not.
No one has washed for several days. We feel grubby, but there are so much more important concerns
than that for us now. I love this peeling away of non-essentials. Living fully on the level of instinct, of
intuition, of caring, of what is needed for survival, not just of me, but of the entire group.
There are strange parallel universes happening. Houses a mess in some places, yet then a house with
futons or laundry out drying in the sun. People lining up for water and food, and yet a few people out
walking their dogs. All happening at the same time.
Other unexpected touches of beauty are first, the silence at night. No cars. No one out on the streets.
And the heavens at night are scattered with stars. I usually can see about two, but now the whole sky is
filled. The mountains are Sendai are solid and with the crisp air we can see them silhouetted against the
sky magnificently.
And the Japanese themselves are so wonderful. I come back to my shack to check on it each day, now
to send this e-mail since the electricity is on, and I find food and water left in my entranceway. I have
no idea from whom, but it is there. Old men in green hats go from door to door checking to see if
everyone is OK. People talk to complete strangers asking if they
need help. I see no signs of fear. Resignation, yes, but fear or panic, no.
They tell us we can expect aftershocks, and even other major quakes, for another month or more. And
we are getting constant tremors, rolls, shaking, rumbling. I am blessed in that I live in a part of Sendai
that is a bit elevated, a bit more solid than other parts. So, so far this area is better off than others. Last
night my friend’s husband came in from the country, bringing food and water. Blessed again.
And somehow as I experience the events happening now in Japan, I can feel my heart opening very
wide. My brother asked me if I felt so small because of all that is happening. I don’t. Rather, I feel as
part of something happening that much larger than myself. This is hard, and yet magnificent.
Thank you again for your care and Love.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011 at 10:25 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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10 Responses to “A Letter from Japan”
1. EverettK Says:
March 22nd, 2011 at 11:36 am
Very moving!
2. Tom Logan Says:
March 22nd, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Tim, your blog keept me in touch with Japan better than all the news stations
combined. They focus on the extraordinary; you bring us the sublime. Once again,
thank you for sharing.
3. Sylvia Says:
That’s beautiful.
4. Suzanna Says:
The person who wrote this letter gives me the greatest sense that Japan may have
suffered a terrible tragedy but the people who live there have not lost one bit of
their humanity.
People helping each other, working together, appreciating all that they still have in
the midst of such terrible destruction is truly inspiring.
Thanks for posting the letter. It’s beautiful.
Thank you Tim
Really moving, sadness and fortitude. It still brings tears to my eyes. Look at how
we can care for each other; hopefully we remember this in the good times. Japan,
and your friend, have such a long road to recovery.
7. Gary Says:
My God, we have a lot to learn from people like that, don’t we?
Hello, all, and I’m so glad the letter touched you as it did me. It actually teared me
up, coming as it did on the very day they found the body of another American
English teacher who wasn’t so fortunate.
I do want to clarify that I personally don’t know the woman who wrote this letter.
One of the people to whom it was sent shared it with a neighbor and she in turn
shared it with Mun, and then I with you.
But it really does say something about the potential of the human spirit and about
some of the traits the Japanese have displayed during this terrible time.
I have seen a couple emails like this one — all essentially emphasizing the
cooperation, pulling together, and absence of things like looting or violence.
Let’s hope that this type of disaster is not what’s required to bring u to the
awareness of our shared humanity. But then, whatever it takes…
10.RJ Baliza Says:
in times of natural tragedies, we are stripped down to our very basic core. there is
no african-american, white, hispanic, asian. there is no religious belief there is no
nationality. there is only humanity. we are humans first before anything else.
Stephen’s Spring
March 23rd, 2011
My friend and former Pleasure Fair colleague Stephen Cohn is a one-man festival this spring.
Look at all these premieres and performances:
On January 25, A string quartet, Winter Soul, was premiered at the Armory Center for the Arts in
Pasadena by the Eclipse Quartet, who have been called “spellbinding” by the Los Angeles
Times. Rodney Punt in the Huffington Post called Stephen’s piece “a precision-cut jewel.”
Coming right up on March 26 and April 6, Seven Dances will be presented as part of Doctoral
Recitals by pianist Stephen Cook, who premiered the work last year at Shumei Hall in Pasadena, one of
the most perfect venues for chamber music I’ve ever been in. I had the privilege of being at the
premiere.
On March 27, Winter Soul will be performed again by the Eclipse Quartet at a unique, beautiful venue
with a rich history in Half-Moon Bay: the Bach, Dancing and Dynamite Society.
April 10, Stephen will have another premiere, back at the Shumei. This piece, a work for Pierrot
Ensemble (flute, Clarinet, Piano, Violin and Cello) will be presented by top players from the Colburn
School. The Colburn School is considered one the best (probably the best) conservatory in the world at
this point. I’m going to be there, and so will Michele Cochrane from The Pleasure Faire, who finally
answered her e-mail.
And on May 10 is a mystery performance since it hasn’t been formally announced yet.
I asked Stephen what was up — is this an unusual number of performances in such a short time,
and how did it come about? His answer:
Yes, it is an unsual clustering. It has happened before but only when I was Composer in Residence at a
festival in the south of France and there were multiple performances of my music in ten day period of,
for instance, a string quartet, a wind trio and a piano piece.
All the upcoming events are the products of relationships that were formed over the last couple of years
– either due to my persistence and interest in a particular ensemble as in the case of the Eclipse Quartet,
or an artist’s interest in my music, eventually resulting in a commission to write something for him or
her. I’ve also had a great relationship with Shumei which has turned into an (almost) yearly premiere
of a new work. I have to add that in the last few years, I have taken a much more active role in
connecting with artists and organizations with whom I feel a musical kinship.
What’s it feel like just before a piece is played for the first time?
It’s the expectant father syndrome combined with preparing to be nude in public. First performances
are potentially thrilling and elevating and/or painful and dissapointing and many gradations inbetween.
This is where imagination meets reality. Good performers can add depth, passion. intelligence, phrasing
and much more to a work. But even when the performance is excellent in these respects there are
always some differences between the the way the composer hears it in his mind’s ear and the
live realization.
Most firsts for me are like the pain of giving birth - I agonize over every detail that isn’t how I
imagined it. Often, as with the premiere of my woodwind quintet, when I see that audience gets it in
spite of some imperfections, I feel relieved and excited. And then there’s something like the recent
premiere with the Eclispe Quartet. They breathed so much life and passion into the work that I lost
track of the details. I knew the piece was working at a level beyond what I had imagined and so I was a
bit nervous about keeping it at that level — but also very excited and happy with what I was hearing.
What might surprise people about your creative process?
Well, this won’t come as a surprise to you, but it might to some: inspiration is always welcome but
composing at a perfessional level requires dogged perfectionsim that is much more akin to hard work
than the kind of mystical inspiration that’s often portrayed. Or people might like to know that a piece of
music can begin with a tiny fragment that stimulates the composer’s imagination or it can begin with a
grand vision in which the details are then filled in. It can start small or it can start big, but finishing it is
always just hard work.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011 at 12:17 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can
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11 Responses to “Stephen’s Spring”
None of you seem to be shirkers when it comes to hard work, and, certainly, you
all have the creative gene. I am sitting here trying to figure out how to get to the
Bach in spite of numerous physical complaints (whine). Will Steven be there? I
hope he gets a good turnout; there usually is for such events. Good luck to him,
enjoy.
2. EverettK Says:
After having listened to “Rose’s Theme,” I’d dearly love to attend one of the
performances. Alas, it’s a wee bit further away than I can justify. Sigh.
I’ve been very impressed, Stephen, by the little of your work that I’ve actually
heard, and also by the things you’ve had to say over the past few years in the
Lil – I will be at the performance in Half-Moon Bay. If you come, please say hi –
it would be good to meet you.
Everett – Thanks for your very kind words! It’s alway lends a spark of inspiration
when someone lets me know they connect with my music.
March 24th, 2011 at 10:31 am
I don’t know if I’ll be there, but I just listened to “Rose” and smiled the whole
time. I also downloaded “Serena’s Garden” from itunes. It’s all I could find there.
It’s lovely, and good for me right now. Tim, you have some talented friends!
Just as a point of interest both Rose and Serena’s Garden are very different from
the concert music about which this blog was written. However, smiling is always
good.
Hi Stephen, I loved what you had to say about inspiration versus hard work. It’s
the last thing an art student wants to hear. Glad also to hear that ones work
sometimes exceeds expectations. Thats a big statement and it doesn’t happen by
accident. Have a great tour.
Hi, Everybody –
First, thanks to all who responded. Stephen is one of the most creative people I
know, and it’s a privilege to be able to have him as a guest. When this amazing
period is over, maybe he’ll come back and give us a subjective (and candid) look
at how it all went.
Second, it looks like Robb will be coming to LA from Nashville around the time
of the April 10 premiere at Shumei, and since Michele and I are already going,
and Stephen is essential to the evening, it looks like the oldest band in America
will have its first total reunion in four decades. If this happens, I may ask each
member to write something about the experience.
And third, I hope you can make it, too, Lil, and it was kind of Everett to
characterize the endless fount of clarity that is this blog as “mad ravings,” and I
can attest to micael’s point that hard work is the last things most fiction (like art)
students want to hear about. They all envision the creative process as being struck
by lightning and then springing to spiritual and artistic life, sort of like
Frankenstein’s monster on the slab, but more photogenic.
And as we know, it’s both drudgery and exaltation, but if you put them in Justice’s
scales, drudgery would weigh more. And it wouldn’t be fun if it weren’t also hard
work.
So there.
8. Larissa Says:
Welcome back to the blog Stephen. I loved reading about your thoughts on the
Creative Process back when that thread was up in a running and I’m glad to hear
that you’re going to be nice and busy in the next few months! I think regardless of
what creative field you come from-the satisfaction of having your work out there
and in the public’s hands (or ears..) is well understood. I wish I could make it out
there to see one of the events. Come to the midwest-we just built a shiny new
performing arts center (c:
9. Suzanna Says:
Congratulations Stephen. Hope to catch one of your concerts some time in the
future. Keep us posted, Tim.
Have a great Pleasure Faire reunion! Looking forward to hearing how it went.
Micael – Thanks for the kind words and good wishes.
Larissa – Tim’s series on creative process was fascinating. Thanks for
remembering my contribution. I would love to learn more about your new
performing arts center. It’s amazing that such a center has been or will be
completed in an economic drought-for-the-arts that we are experiencing.
Suzanna – thanks for the good wishes. I’m sure you will hearing more about the
reunion.
11.Larissa Says:
Stephen-I agree, it was a very cool series on what it means and doesn’t mean to be
creative. So, props to Tim for having good ideas and good friends to help him
fulfill them. As far as the Performing Arts Center, it’s neat. It’s modeled after the
opera house Down Undah and it’s beautiful. You can find the site for it here and a
full view picture of it here
And yeah, I’m glad to see that they finished it. They started it a while a go and it’s
been chugging towards completion. The Kaufman Foundation is a huuuuuuge
supporter of the arts out here and they’ve managed to do a lot for the city even in
tough times. We need more people like that! (c:
Anyway-I have no idea how one goes about coming to play in such a space but it
sounds like you’ve got more than enough clout to do it.
Hot Flashes
March 25th, 2011
Thanks again to Stephen for holding things down for the past few days. Some things have been
happening with me, so here’s a short roundup.
Soho Contract: Just to make it official, Poke and his family have been given a new home by Soho
Press, home of some of my favorite writers. Soho specializes in crime and thriller fiction and the
whole enterprise is run the way publishing companies used to be run — on the basis of personal
conviction that the books the editors choose deserve to be published, rather than how they fit into some
theoretical marketing spreadsheet.
Bad news — no new Poke novel in 2011. Good news: THE GROWING YOUNGER MAN will come
out in 2012. So this new relationship makes me very happy, and I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather
be.
Victor Bevine
Audible Books: HarperCollins was kind enough to return to us the audio rights for all the Bangkok
books, and practically the next day we got the Edgar nomination, and immediately we had two
audiobook companies bidding for the series. (Thanks to my agent, Bob Mecoy.) The series went to
Audible, and the books are being recorded as I speak, with a terrific actor named Victor Bevine voicing
them. He was in the Star Trek movies, CSI, and a bunch of other things, and now he’s the voice of
Poke Rafferty’s Bangkok.
Bangkok Noir: The collection of dark short stories by Christopher Moore, John Burdett, Colin
Cotterill, Pico Iyer, Dean Barrett, Stephen Leather, Alex Kerr, and some other really interesting writers
(plus me) was launched in Bangkok last week and has already made a splash.
My story, Hansum Man, is waaayyyyyyy dark and is not recommended for the faint of heart. But it
was the first short story I’d written since eighth grade, and I was just happy to finish it.
For reasons I don’t understand, the book won’t be available on Amazon until July or thereabouts, but
I’m pleased that all the writers and the publishers are donating half of their royalties to a charity that
benefits the poorest kids in Bangkok.
INCINERATOR, the fourth Simeon Grist book, is the fifth to go up on Amazon. This is part of a longterm campaign to confuse readers who like to read series in order.
(Actually, I delayed it because I liked THE MAN WITH NO TIME better. But now, having worked
through both of them, I’m not so sure.)
Also, the first-published book in the series, THE FOUR LAST THINGS, has been reduced to the headspinning price of 99 cents. Less than a buck! Whaddya waiting for?
And some other things are happening, too, but I can’t talk about them yet. When I can, though . . .
Oh, and THE GROWING YOUNGER MAN rocks, so far at least.
This entry was posted on Friday, March 25th, 2011 at 9:44 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can follow
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12 Responses to “Hot Flashes”
1. Sheri M Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 10:55 am
Just purchased The Four Last Things! I’ve been really wanting to try your books
since stumbling on your blog a few months ago (and glomming onto every word
therein).
I’ve been very sad to not have my daily dose of Hallinan, so now I can dive into
your book instead. I was planning to select the first Poke Rafferty for my book
club choice — couldn’t justify a purchase sooner. You should see the height of my
TBR pile!
But at 99 cents, I coudn’t resist, and so I shall start with Simeon instead.
Can’t wait to read it! If it’s half as good as your blog, I know I won’t be
disappointed.
2. Tom Logan Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 11:50 am
Tim, I depend on your blog to let me know when your books become available on
Amazon. I try to buy only ebooks but will buy tree books if forced to. p.s. YOU
are the only author exception to my rule of not spending more than $9.99 for an
ebook. Anything more than that I can get at the bookstore with a discount coupon.
Best of luck with your new professional relationships.
March 25th, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Hey, Sheri — Welcome, and I hope you like it. I liked it better than I thought I
would when I went over it prior to republication. I don’t actually know what I was
expecting, but I’ve liked them all better than I expected to. Please let me know.
Tom, first, thanks for the nice thing you wrote about all the Japan posts. I can’t tell
you how I appreciated it. And regarding price, the people at HarperCollins finally
dropped QUEEN from $11.99 to $9.99, something I’d been requesting for
months. I’m with you, it would take something extraordinary to make me spend
more than $9.99 for an e-book.
Every time I think no industry screw up worse than the music industry did when
confronted with the brave new digital world, one does. Motion pictures are
clueless, but the worst performance yet has been the one by traditional publishers,
who were confronted a year ago with two alternatives: embrace all this and sell
hundreds of thousands more books, or dig in and eat the big one. They chose the
latter, and I’m not certain some of the companies will be able to dig their way out.
For that matter, some of them don’t deserve to.
4. EverettK Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 12:51 pm
All good news, Tim! You will, I assume (yeah, I know, I know), let us know when
Bangkok Noir becomes available on Amazon. I’ve read Hansum Man, but I’d like
that I’ve read. Dark, dark. But good. Good, good. But dark.
Hi Tim, and good luck with with your new books. I just downloaded
“Incinerator,” and, of course, Everett had posted a great and informative review.
I’m excited because I have TWO Simeons to read, and I’m also seeing some
chatter on the blogs about “The Two Elvises.” You will let us know, right? I agree
with your discussion of publishers. Not everyone reads, or even wants to
read James Patterson. To me, I am seeing ebooks as the game of the future, both
for authors, and for readers. I’ve been able to download books that aren’t even
available in paper, ahem. When the price makes sense. Are you too reasonable?
(Now I really sound like a groupie, and not my business) Have fun!
6. Suzanna Says:
Thanks for sharing all the good news, Tim. Very happy you’ve landed in the audio
books world and can’t wait to hear how your work sounds read aloud by Mr.
Bevine.
I’ll keep my eye out for Hansum Man (love the title). I haven’t shied away from
any of your previous work and I’m not about to now but thanks for the warning
about how dark the story is.
And it is really wonderful to hear that you’re enjoying Growing Younger Man.
(another great title)
7. Sylvia Says:
Wow, what great news on all fronts. This is lovely!
8. Gary Says:
Delighted to read all the good news. Congrats for everything.
9. RJ Baliza Says:
glad to hear of the good news! looking forward to hearing Poke come alive
through audio book. i’d get ‘The Four Last Things’ in a minute, but my Kindle is
broken and won’t get a new one until the 16th of next month.
Great news about SOHO. Sounds like a super company in this age of cookie
cutter rules for everything.
Wow, has it been this long since I logged in or did you guys show up fast?
Everett, I’d forgotten you read “Hansum Man.” I just read it again in the book,
and it’s better than I remember it. I hope it makes some money for these poor kids.
Lil, I truly hope you like the Simeons. I really went back and forth about putting
them up without some rewrite, but so far I’ve made exactly four changes to the
book — cleared up a misplaced modifier, straightened out a pronoun, put one
different turn in a chase that had them going in circles, and deleted a line in
INCINERATOR that the woman at PW hated even more than she hated the rest of
the book. Ouf, what a review.
Hey, Suzanna — I e-mailed Christopher Moore, the Bangkok thriller genius who’s
behind this project to tell him about the blog and I’m hoping he’ll do something to
move up the Amazon release. I can’t actually think of a reason in the world why it
shouldn’t be available. Maybe Chris will read this and let us all know.
Thanks, Sylvia — there’s more good stuff, too, but I figured that piece was long
enough. Maybe next week.
Hi, RJ — I don’t know what I’d do without my Kindle. I do about half my reading
on it now. I even convert books that are sent to me for blurbing into the Kindle
format and read them on it. FOUR LAST will stay at .99 until about June 1, when
I think I’ll mark down a different one.
Thanks, Laren. Yes, it’s a really interesting company, and I actually have a lot of
friends — Leighton Gage, Jeffrey Siger, and Cara Black, for example — whom
they publish. And until his most recent book, they had Colin Cotterill, someone
else I really like.
12.anne polkingharn Says:
April 2nd, 2011 at 7:11 pm
Enjoyed seeing Michael’s cartoons in your blog. We have the pleasure of his
company, wit, quips, and cartoons at our morning coffee in Laguna.
Congratulations on your writing and publishing. The blog is interesting and we
love the story of the torii and the beginning of Japan. We agree any art takes skill
and lots of thought and hard work topped by inspiration and curiosity about
people and the world. Do you know Billy Collins poetry? I think you would like
his poem “Advice to Writers”. Anne
O’Malley’s Alley, Part One
March 27th, 2011
Behold the humble joke.
If you can call cartoon jokes “humble,” it’s just because they’ve been reduced to essentials. There’s
nothing in a good joke — not a line, not a word, not a detail — that isn’t necessary. To those of us who
work in looser, sloppier, forms — novels, for example, although most art forms are loose and sloppy
compared to a good joke — the most frightening thing about jokes is that they look easy. And then you
try to come up with one.
The cartoons of “O’Malley” have been appearing in The Independent Group Newspapers, published up
and down the California coast, for about five years. ”O’Malley” is a pseudonym for my brother
Michael (or “micael” as he sometimes signs himself here when he’s in beret mode), who is a wellknown and prodigiously talented painter. I thought it would be interesting to ask Mike to give a kind of
illustrated introduction to his life as a cartoonist.
By the way, these are Mike’s roughs, just as he submits them. The captions are typeset later at the
paper. So here’s Part One of O’Malley’s Alley.
Mike: The editor knew my paintings, so that helped. The interview went something like this: What
are your qualifications? I answered, I can draw well and I’m a smart ass. “That matches the job
discription’ perfectly, you’re hired.” I felt like one of those old signs that said “Two weeks ago I
couldn’t even spell engineer and now I are one.” ”We need a cartoon by Tuesday,” she said, and I was
a cartoonist.
I had done advertising art so I could meet a deadline and had some of the work ethic that Tim inherited
from our father; although Tim inherited the lion’s share. All I needed was a name. I wanted to distance
myself from the serious artwork that I was doing. People paying lots of money for me to paint their
children on the beach didn’t have to know I was an idiot. They could find this out later on their own.
When I was showing my paintings at the Festival of Arts in Laguna Beach my space was next to Frank
Interlandi’s. Interlandi was a very good painter and a cartoonist for Playboy and other magazines.
People only associated him with cartooning and subsequently these good paintings were underappreciated.
So I needed a name. I choose the most Irish name I could, O’Malley . The Irish can laugh at
themselves
This is something that I take into account if my cartoons have an ethnic flavor. It’s something I’ll
develop later as we talk about taboos in cartooning.
But in the meantime I had settled on Canadians as a safe target. To be specific, Canadians in Hell. The
joke was that they liked it, it was warm and they didn’t have to tip. Later on O’Malley visits Canada
and meets women that sell ice door to door, etc… plodding along until I ran out of Canadian
jokes (which is surprisingly easy).
Then I discovered what I had in painting, that the real art was to find the beauty or humor in the
familar; the everyday. It’s what we know about, write about, paint about and joke about.
One more for today, possibly offensive to some:
More in the next blog or two. If anyone has a question for Mike, please ask it.
This entry was posted on Sunday, March 27th, 2011 at 9:35 pm and is filed under All Blogs. You can follow
own site.
28 Responses to “O’Malley’s Alley, Part One”
1. Tom Logan Says:
Just wonderful! I love reading about things I know nothing about and getting to
see underneath the surface. More please. Thanks to both Tim and Mike.
2. Sylvia Says:
This is fascinating stuff. Hi Michael!
I’m hoping you’ll talk about your process. How do you start?
3. EverettK Says:
Good God all Friday, Micael… er… O’Malley, that was enough to make me
choke on my spit (imagine cartoon of Everett, run through from arse to Adam’s
Apple on a spit, turning slowing over a fire…and choking).
Very funny fellow. I can see that growing up in the Hallinan household was…
was… well, all I can say is your’s and Tim’s mother has just gained a lot of
sympathy.
4. Beth Says:
Why do you not have a national audience?
Despite being exposed to years of Irish step-dancing, I had to look twice at the
outlines. Then I realized just how clever the cartoon is.
Some people may be offended by the mini burqa but there is always a group who
are offended by everything.
Please post more.
5. Suzanna Says:
March 28th, 2011 at 10:07 am
Hi, Micael
Love your cartoons! Here’s a silly question for you: Were you always someone
who could “tell a joke” before you began creating cartoons?
March 28th, 2011 at 10:13 am
Isn’t it just the recipe for surviving? Driving through all the pedestrian portals
with joy and a squinty eye? Thanks for making it hold still for just a moment so I
can savour it. Make Merry Monday!
March 28th, 2011 at 10:36 am
Just wonderful! A different mindset from your paintings, but charming. There’s a
little bit of irony in there. What does it say about me that I like the guillotine one
the best-mindboggling. I agree with Everett, the Hallinan household must have
been a lively place. Thank you indeed.
8. Glenn Says:
March 28th, 2011 at 11:52 am
Hello Michael,
Such fun to see you so funny, talented, and successful. Also a real joy to witness
the wonderful relationship between you and Tim.
I have three sons and now that they are grown, (two in college, one out in the
world) I’m just beginning to see signs of their being good buddies. It’s every
parent’s great hope that their children will set aside all the crap from childhood
and go into the future as friends. It seems that you and Tim have done so. Bravo to
you both.
What is really fun is to remember you from high school when I’d come over to
roust your brother, Tim, out of bed to go do something other than what he was
doing at the time. Usually, along with a couple others, we’d convince him that a
day at the beach beat anything he was doing at the time.
Had I known then that the Hallinans would evolve into adults with such wit and
talent and charm, I’d have come around more often and just hung out. To hell with
the beach!
Keep up all that good work you’re doing. And thanks for sharing. Brings a broad
smile to the half-Irish in me.
Cheers!!
March 28th, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Hi Micael. Those samples of your cartoons really resonate with me – and the same
goes for the vibrant paintings on your website.
I can recall that a good part of my very early indoctrination into the world came
from cartoons, and I would devour the daily installments of “Pogo” and “Li’l
Abner” back in the early 1950s. Unfortunately I didn’t appreciate the political
subtleties (one-sided as they were) but went for the more obvious instead –
figuring those characters were a reflection of real life. Accordingly, I told my
elderly neighbor that she was a “nice ol’ bat” which she readily took it as a
compliment, although my Mom and Dad were sorely convinced that they had
gone wrong somewhere.
Chickens and parakeets were used as the protagonists in my early cartooning
efforts, but more lately I’ve found that photos can substitute such as what I came
up with here. How I miss those characters.
I’m really looking forward to more of your work on Tim’s blog, and I’m happy to
have found your website. Thank you!
Hidey ho, all — Mike will come by later in the PM to chime in, but I’m just
jumping in line to thank all of you for responding and to say how happy I am you
like his work, which I think is hilarious.
This is probably going to end up as a three-part blog with the next one in a couple
of days, in keeping with my new leisurely scheduling approach. He’s got some
really riveting (and practical) things to say about his creative process, and I may
save those for the third one.
In the meantime, tell all your friends to take a look so that Mike’s really snowed
under when he logs on.
Thank you everyone for your kind comments. One drawback to a nom de smart
ass is that no one knows the work is yours, consequently you don’t get much
feedback. Tom and Sylvia, more to come. I will discuss the creative side as well
as the mechanics of cartooning. Everett, always glad to get a laugh even a life
threatening one.We got our sense of humor from our mom. As you can see she
needed one. Congratuations Beth, most people that I showed the clog dancing
cartoon didn’t get it at all. As far as national exposure I wouldn’t know where to
begin. Anybody? Yes Suzanna I could always tell a joke. What I couldn’t always
get was a laugh. Crenna you get it exactly, just a light hearted twist on how we
live. The guillotine was my favorite too, thanks Lil. Hi Glenn,yes Tim and I are
good friends and he has always been a great brother. The sweetest thing he ever
did was to bring Munyin into our family. John, we are probably the same vintage
if we both remember Pogo and Li’l Abner. I think Pogo stands the test of time and
Walt Kelly would still be relevent today. thanks again for the responses. Michael
even though my evil computer spells it Micael.
Hello again Glenn, Tim just confirmed what I thought that you are Glenn Jolley
who I remember well and fondly. Mike
I’m right behind Mike with the thanks, and I agree with all of you about my bro’s
talent. He’s always been funny, verbally one of the fastest people I know.
There was a lot of laughter in our family. It’s sort of odd — Pat writes and
illustrates children’s books, Mike paints and does cartoons, and I write books. My
mother sporadically turned to oil painting — only one, thank heaven, on the front
of a sombrero — and my father told the most astonishing continuing bedtime
stories, huge epics starring Pat, Mike, and Tim that stretched over months at a
time. He’d come in and ask, “Now where were we?” and then he’d be off and
running. God, I wish we’d been able to tape those or record them somehow. So
anyway, here we are, all doing something creative. Not a regular job in the family.
And Glenn, if I was in bed, what I was doing was more important than anything
anyone else had in mind.
14.EverettK Says:
Tim said: And Glenn, if I was in bed, what I was doing was more important than
anything anyone else had in mind.
Good God, the possible replies to that straight-line so boggle my mind that I am
unable to speak.
I know. Enjoy. It won’t last.
15.Debbi Says:
Great stuff, Micael! (spoken with terrible imitation of Irish accent)
16.Robb Royer Says:
I think what else is funny is changing your name from Hallinan to O’Malley to get
Irish.
Tim — This is the best blog you’ve ever written…oh, wait
18.Glenn Says:
EverettK,
I highly doubt that anything Timothy was doing in bed at sixteen on a sunny
southern California late morning was more important than climbing into our
friends convertible ’57 Chevy and heading to Zuma Beach. Please, don’t suggest
he was
THAT precocious!
19.Rachel Brady Says:
Um, does Mike do beaurocracy satire? I need an O’Malley desk calendar.
Gee, it’s really thrilling to see that I’m, or rather Michael, is on the way to setting
a new response record. Really, no jealousy at all, although I may have to delay
parts 2 and 3 indefinitely. And I obviously missed a cue in not saying how much I
loved what Mike said about my wife, whom I actually prefer to myself anyway.
Part 2 will be up tomorrow. I’m still scanning cartoons.
21.EverettK Says:
March 29th, 2011 at 12:24 pm
I’m curious, Mike: about how many of these have you done over the 5 years? And
do you still have copies of all of them? Are they sold to the paper on a one-time
user basis, or as “work for hire?”
Rachel’s question about a desk calendar brought these questions to mind.
22.michael hallinan Says:
March 29th, 2011 at 12:58 pm
Debbi, great brogue, you had me fooled. The only beaurocratic cartoon I can
remember doing was a bored woman answering the phone saying”emergency
suicide hotline can you hold; its yours Rachel. Hallinan is Irish; who knew? Robb
you have the makings of a cartoonist. And Laren its not often that I agree with
someone completely.
23.Larissa Says:
Bravo! (c:
Sorry Everett,I missed your question. For better or for worse the cartoons belong
to me. This is true with sold paintings and reproduction rights too. Unless you
specifcally assign the reproduction rights they remain yours
25.EverettK Says:
That’s great! Perhaps an book is in order? Or a web page? Fortune and fame…
you’ve got to stay ahead of Tim, you know…
[Sent from my new Motorola Xoom as I sit at my leisure in our newly refloored
living room. Ah, life is good. Big boys and their toys...]
26.Fay Moore Says:
Wow! So this is what the world of a real writer looks like! I am excited to learn
about your web site and take advantage of all the helpful tools and inspiration for
wannabes like me. I am working on my first novel. My background is as a
technical writer. As a wannabe novelist, I have entered a new world and am
learning to speak the language. It’s a challenge. In all seriousness, I invite you to
take a peek at my space and hope that you may consider offering a guest
appearance via comments (or a guest post) to share tidbits to help those of us who
aren’t yet on the ladder of success, but merely jumping at the first rung. If you
choose to stop by, visit fay-moore.blogspot.com. Thanks for creating Blog Cabin
to guide those who dream of following in your footsteps! I will point my visitors
your direction, too.
PS- In the first month of being on-line, I have almost 300 hits on the site. I bet you
remember the thrill of watching your first statistics,too. If the numbers go up next
month, it means that someone out there is reading my stuff. That’s what it is all
about, isn’t it?
April 2nd, 2011 at 8:18 pm
Hi, Fay –
Sorry to have taken so long to respond — working with my brother to get these up
and writing a book (and life, too) have distracted me.
Best of luck with your site. It takes a long time to build traffic (if one ever actually
does) and I think the jury is out as to whether it’s a wise investment of time for
most writers, especially when writing time is sometimes hard to come by. But it’s
an adventure. Will check out your site.
28.RJ Baliza Says:
April 8th, 2011 at 9:53 am
hi mike,
you should definitely compile these into a book!
RJ
More O’Malley
March 30th, 2011
Continuing with the world according to O’Malley.
Last time, O’Malley, a/k/a my brother Michael talked about getting started and a few of his themes.
Following along on those lines, here are some more thoughts themes, and also what kinds of taboos
cartoonists face, especially when their work is featured in newspapers, which are obviously familyoriented.
Mike: For the first time in years I have had to review a body of my work. I have found it surprisingly
G-rated In a world where words are routinely used that would have been unimaginable twenty years
ago, I haven’t used one swear word. Even that phrase seem outdated..
Maybe you don’t need shock value to make something funny. A punch line has to be so concise that If
a word is unnecessary it doesn’t go in. That’s probably true of conversation too. What is the old
saying; “Wisdom comes too late in life to be of any real use.” Anyway it was a revelation to me that I
thought was worth sharing (that and Im running out of things to say) .
Mike: So what did I know about when I started? I had bartended through graduate school, and before
my paintings started selling. Drunks were and are fair game. Nothing too mean spirited; that would
remain a basic tenet of my cartooning. If I didn’t think a drunk would laugh at the caption then I
wouldn’t do it. I applied the same rule to whoever the subject was. This is my first drunk cartoon:
I had actually witnessed that. Which brings me to the next tenet of cartooning– there has to be a large
element of truth in it to be funny.
So drunks, within limits, are fair game. Minorities by and large aren’t, although you can get away with
it if things are funny without being mean-spirited. Here’s a sort of Jewish joke that I think works on
that level.
My burqa jokes are both funny and to some offensive. I’m saved from a moral dilemma by the fact
most people would never print them.
The exception to all my rules are, of course, the French. They are simply targets.
One more Grim Reaper joke to close out the day.
For the third and possibly final installment, I thought I’d ask Mike to share his ideas about the creative
process, which I think are extremely insightful.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 30th, 2011 at 9:59 am and is filed under All Blogs. You can
your own site.
13 Responses to “More O’Malley”
1. Tom Logan Says:
March 30th, 2011 at 11:00 am
Hooray, hooray. As they say at McDonalds, I’m lovin’ it.
2. EverettK Says:
March 30th, 2011 at 11:13 am
Another fun group, Mike! Hard to pick my favorite from this group. I found it a
little (non-intended) humorous that the “I think she likes” me cartoon has been
signed by BOTH “O’Malley” and “Hallinan.”
I understand what you’re saying about trying to avoid offensive cartoons, but I
think most of the BEST humor always treads at least close to the line of offending
3. munyin Says:
March 30th, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Hi! I’ve been lovin’ Mikey’s cartoons, the narrative on his creative process–Mike
communicates as a deeply thoughtful, very observant & quietly knock-out funny
guy that he is. & I had to go back and look at what Everett noticed & sure enough,
Mike signed O’Malley & Hallinan in the “I think she likes me” cartoon. I bet
Everett would be a great coin or stamp collector with his eye for detail. I hope
Mike’s cartoon’s become a regular feature to anticipate.
hi Everett, the initial cartoons were O’malley by Hallinan. But as I said yesterday
I wanted to do them under an alias. Maybe Tim can print a finished cartoon with
the heading that may seem familiar to some of you.
Everett notices everything, doesn’t he? I love installment two, and I have to admit
I like the French one best today. There is so competitiveness between the euro
nations, the French of course are the classiest. Please, can we have a little more?
6. Jerry Shaw Says:
Mike has been a friend of mine for 50 years he has always been funny. I think I
remember the drunk girl at the bar!
Yo, Mikey (or Micey, if you insist on the “c”-only spelling of your name), love
your humor. Outrageous and brilliant! Your “grim reaper” cartoons reminded me
of Dead Like Me,my favorite TV series of all time (I liked it even better than
Weeds), which was also outrageous and brilliant and pure comic genius on every
level. Did you ever publish any ‘toons in Playboy?
Tom, thanks for the two hoorays. We should give one to Everett he seems to be
out of them. Munyin, I appreciate the support. Lil, I’m going to give you my
French army knife with the little white flag next to the corkscrew. Good to hear
from my OLD friend Jerry. No Phil I haven’t been in any magazines. This has
been more or less a hobby. I dont have any idea how one gets published in a
national magazine.
Well, lookit all this. Knocks me out.
Mike’s work is just as funny to me as it is to you. The text I originally put together
for this from a bunch of e-mails he sent me was pretty flat, so we talked this
morning and he came up with the G-rated aspect, which works really well with his
conviction that things can’t be mean-spirited. (I particularly love the flasher in the
garment district.)
Thanks to all of you for writing — I’ll let micael handle all the individual
responses. The third installment is also going to be killer.
10.EverettK Says:
Hey! If you were choking on your spit, you’d be a little short on hoorays, too!
[Mental picture: Micael as a little short guy flying high after snorting hoorays...]
Sheesh. Me and Rodney Dangerfield.
11.Annie Says:
Please, submit to the New Yorker!
Wonderful cartoons, Micael.
12.Usman Says:
April 1st, 2011 at 4:12 am
And where was I when this started?
Hello Tim. I’ve been away and am so glad to be back. This is outright hilarious.
Usman
April 1st, 2011 at 10:52 am
I very much enjoyed Michael’s cartoons & his thoughts here on Tim’s blog. That’s
a real gift, being able to capture & convey so much expression in a few lines in a
cartoon. Always admired that a lot. Having been an animation writer for 7 years I
was always blown away by what the artists could do.

Blog Folly, Day 92: The First Day

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