Books With A Letter Missing

Books With A Letter Missing
compiled by Tommy Donbavand
http://www.tommydonbavand.com
http://www.twitter.com/tommydonbavand
Introduction
It was around 4pm on 2nd August, 2011 when I took a break from making corrections
to the 13th and final book in my children's comedy horror series, Scream Street. I
went downstairs to make a cup of tea and, while the kettle slowly boiled, an idea
popped into my head...
What if I took a single letter from the title of a well-known book to create a new title?
It was as simple as that.
I returned to my desk, tea in hand, and posted the following four tweets to Twitter:
•
Cath 22 #bookswithalettermissing
•
Charlie and the Chocolate Factor #bookswithalettermissing
•
Charlotte's We #bookswithalettermissing
•
The Bile #bookswithalettermissing
I then went back to work, thinking I might have invented a fun hashtag game that my
Twitter followers could enjoy for an hour or two. Was I in for a surprise!
48 hours later, as I write this introduction, almost 10,000 tweets have been posted
with the hashtag #bookswithalettermissing.
At this moment, the tag is trending in the UK, USA, Scandinavia, Australia, New
Zealand, Canada, Pakistan, Israel, Thailand, Colombia, India, South Africa,
Indonesia, Kenya, Ghana, Greece, Egypt, United Arab Emirates, Singapore,
Malaysia, Spain, Turkey, France, Czech Republic, Poland, Germany, The
Netherlands, Belgium - and many more countries besides.
Publisher's Weekly, the magazine of the book industry in the US has written a blog
post about the game.
30 minutes ago, I received a tweet suggesting I visit the website for 2fm, one of
Ireland's national radio stations. I clicked on the listen live link to hear host Rick
O'Shea playing the game with callers from all over the Emerald Isle.
#bookswithalettermissing has gone viral.
So, I'm compiling this ebook in an effort to collect together some of the very best new
titles created as part of the game for your enjoyment. There are some real corkers
and it would be a shame if they were lost when the game finally comes to an end.
Many players have included a brief synopsis along with their new book name and,
where possible, I have included those as well.
And that's where the difficult part comes in - the names of the contributors...
With so many tweets to sift through, it would be impossible to name everyone who
submitted a #bookswithalettermissing title. Plus, I don't want to start publishing
Twitter names without permission.
What's more - often, many people have submitted the same or similar title
independently of each other, and I would hate to have to pick one person as the
originator and leave out the rest.
So, if you submitted a #bookswithalettermissing tweet that made it into this ebook thank you! You've kept thousands of people entertained when they should probably
have been doing something else - me included. Should you not be happy about your
book title being included in this collection, please get in touch via my website or
Twitter and I'll be happy to remove your submission.
Finally - yes, I am charging a nominal fee for this ebook. I plan to price it at 99¢ in
the USA, and the equivalent lowest price for the rest of the world. Amazon simply
won't allow me to distribute the book for free. If you don't want to pay - fair enough.
Simply go to my website - http://www.tommydonbavand.com - where you can
download the .pdf version for free.
There are some great laughs ahead - enjoy them!
Tommy Donbavand
4pm, 4th August 2011
PS - Update at 9.48pm: #bookswithalettermissing has hit 10,000 tweets!
http://www.tommydonbavand.com
http://www.twitter.com/tommydonbavand
#bookswithalettermissing
(Some titles may be repeated with a different synopsis)
Nancy Dre - plucky girl detective marries iconic rap star. Complications ensue.
984 - George Orwell's searing expose of dysfunctional totalitarianism in England
under Aethelred the Unready.
Here's Wally - a book that left children around the world completely bored.
Lady Chatterley's Over - controversial beginnings of women's cricket.
Liver Twist - a scruffy orphan invents a delicious deli sandwich.
Madame Ovary - book of popular gynaecology written by Gustave Flaubert's doctor.
Fahrenheit 45 - books are instead stored in refrigerated warehouses due to pollution
concerns.
The Oy of Cooking - failed Experiments in the Yiddish Kitchen.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factor - Willy Wonka expands his empire, producing a
cocoa-themed reality show.
The Virtue of Elfishness - wherein Ayn Rand makes a stirring case for the moral
integrity of elves.
Brave New Word - It was a gerund.
The Grape of Wrath - a 10 page story where the Joads move 3 blocks.
Laughterhouse-Five - in which Billy Pilgrim lives through cheerier times and Dresden
isn't bombed.
Eloved - in which Toni Morrison starts an online dating service.
Goldilocks and The Three Bars - a story of alcohol dependence in rural children.
Harold and the Purple Rayon - a cherubic boy reckons with the reality of synthetic
fabric.
The Lion, the Itch and the Wardrobe - a story about a lion with an insatiable itch
inside a wardrobe.
The RT of Community - @jonobacon explains how his job is basically just being on
Twitter.
A Midsummer Night's Ream - I'm not even going to describe the plot of this one.
Jurassic Par - two really old golfers go 18 holes.
Catching Fir - in which Katniss must cut down many trees.
Olive Twist - Classic Mediterranean cooking with a difference.
A Brie History of Time - the wonders of the universe from the perspective of a soft
cheese.
The Handmaid's Ale - Margaret Atwood's spookily plausible story about artisan
microbrews in a future theocracy.
The Re-Badge of Courage - apparently the first one fell off.
Harry Otter - the story of a small, furry mammal suffering from grand delusions that
he's a magic-wielding human.
MMA - by Jane Austen. A precocious young lady tests her matchmaking skills using
mixed martial arts.
The Boo Thief - no ghost is safe!
Olive Twist - Dickens muses on the perfect Martini.
Atch-22 - bless you!
The Da Vinci Cod - an American professor battles with both the Catholic Church and
European fishing quotas.
Plato's ePublic - version 2.0 of the political philosophy classic.
The Unbearable Lightness of Bing - the unfortunate results of an old crooner's
weight-loss programme.
Goodnight Mon - a bedtime book with Jamaican flair.
Free Gent Nation - where a good man is easy to find.
The Itches of Eastwick - all that sleeping around finally catches up with the Devil.
The Holy Bile - a new edition of the Christian holy book including just the bits the Tea
Party like.
Jurassic Ark - the story of where Noah hid the dinosaurs.
Of Ice and Men - Steinbeck writes about climate change.
The Picture of Dorian Gay - um, wait... that doesn't really change it much.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pans - love, friendship, cookery...
The Lack Stallion - disappointed, the rancher down the road wants his stud fee
returned.
Omen in Love - DH Lawrence's frank & revealing novel addresses the question: Can
the Antichrist have a broken heart?
O Writing - Stephen King's cry of creative despair.
New Moo - in which the Cullens nosh on beef instead of deer.
Mein Kamp - Hitler's little known guide to tent-based holidays.
The Unbearable Lightness of Bing - political/existential novel of the search engine
wars.
The Space Between Tres - fractions in Spanish.
The Tipping Pint - how a spilled beer can cause dramatic transformations.
Love Tory - Erich Segal expresses his appreciation of the Conservative Party.
The Neverending Tory - a tale of Australia under Howard.
Ma Beth - the story of a little grandmotherly lady named Beth. Who cannot be killed
by any man of woman born.
Rave New World - Aldous Huxley's account of a dance party that changed the planet.
A Farewell to Arm - a novel about love, war, and amputation.
No Country For Old Me - a cautionary tale about the dangers of not sorting that
pension.
One With The Wind - a tale of solitary flatulence.
Huckleberry Inn - the wacky hi-jinks of an antebellum bed and breakfast.
The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A-ha - a strange tale of obsession and 80s pop.
Wa and Peace - an early version from Tolstoy of Go the F**k to Sleep.
O hello - Shakespeare's charmingly brief compilation of platitudes and greetings.
Three Men In A Boa - a trio of flamboyant men take to sea looking utterly fabulous.
What Hat God Wrought - an 800-page history of Zeus's foray into haberdashery.
When God was a Rabbi - a Jewish guide to Christianity.
The Rise and Fall of the Third Rich - chilling insider account of Richard III's reign.
A Wrinkle in Tie - white collar thriller.
Beautiful Cod - leading programmers explain how they fish.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Ants - 4 bff insects vow to stay in touch over the
summer.
Carter Eats The Devil - a really astounding magic act.
A Clockwork Range - young man's journey from a life of ultraviolence to become the
star of a famous cooking show.
The Old Ma and the Sea - sheesh, that lady could swim.
The Winter's Ale - a story of beer.
Just So Tories - a collection of children's tales on some lesser-known British
politicians.
A Series of Unfortunate Vents - the perils of DIY home renovation.
The Girl Who Played With Fir - the story of a young carpenter's apprentice.
All Quiet On The Western Font - Arial and Times New Roman gently affirm their
hegemony.
The Lovely Ones - just a nice book about nice people where no young girl is raped
and murdered.
As You Like I - Rastafarian cross-dressing comedy.
Travels With My Ant - a man and his unusual pet.
Portrait of the Artist as a Young Ma - Stephanie Dedalus studies with the Jesuits, has
a baby.
Uthering Heights - the elder Pendragon goes rock climbing.
Little Omen - Jo March gives birth to the child of Satan.
The Handmaid's Ale - fundamentalist dystopia in which fertile women are forced to
work in state governed breweries.
Heart of Arkness - at last, Noah's tell-all memoir of animal husbandry.
I - killer clown murders kids for using a lower case first-person pronoun.
A Stud in Scarlet - Sherlock Holmes goes out on the pull.
Water or Elephants - the circus must choose between hydration and pachyderms.
Thus Poke Zarathustra - Nietzsche on Facebook.
Watership Dow - the hare-raising story of the stock market.
Oliver Twit - the orphan as a grown up, written by Roald Dahl.
Oodles Every Day - a rich person's guide to blowing their fortune.
The Go Delusion - Dawkins on boardgames.
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Tone - a young wizard tries to impress his elders
by sounding educated.
The Invisible Ma - a terrifying tale of a mother who really DOES see everything you
do.
A Few Good Me - the story of how I cloned myself.
A Brief History of Tie - Hawking's take on neck decorations.
Liver Twist - an orphan's struggle with alcohol.
Lady Chatterly's Over - really, she is SO 5 minutes ago.
Now White - the Michael Jackson Story.
Wild Sans - the harrowing tale of what the Communists did to typography in China in
the 1960s.
The Happy Prince and Other Tories - Oscar Wilde writes about privilege and politics.
Queen of the Damed - a chronicle of the epic battle between Maggie Smith, Judi
Dench and Helen Mirren.
The God Elusion - a story about an eternally long game of hide and seek.
All My Friends Are Dad - a handbook for codependent fathers.
The Faraway Tee - Edith Blyton series of books that led to the invention of motorised
golf carts.
The Da Vinci Cod - a thriller mystery about what Leonardo ate for dinner on Fridays.
The Unslinger - a story about the poor sap who has to go around cleaning up the
webs Spider-man leaves all over.
Lady Chatterley's Over - a novel about sexual frustration in spin bowling.
Of Mice and Me - my personal struggles with vermin infestations.
The Velveteen Rabbi - a religious leader you'll want to snuggle.
Lord of the Lies - Jeffrey Archer's autobiography.
The Itch of Blackbird Pond - the colonial town of Salem is seized with the urge to
scratch.
Watership Don - the Mafia takes over the group of rabbits and leads them astray.
Rome and Juliet - single girl's Italian holiday.
The Ion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - science explains a magical cupboard.
The Tim Machine - small robot boy and his adventures.
Ale of Two Cities - Dickens' classic travel book of reviews of only the local pubs
within walking distance.
A Roo with a View - Skippy does Florence.
Rave New World - a book about Captain Cook's party habits.
Speaker for the Dad - a book about buying my father a sound system for his car.
The Devil Wears RADA - psychopathic fashionista skins and dresses in promising
young drama students.
To Ill a Mockingbird - poisoning wildlife in the deep south.
Cath 22 - poor Catherine would never be 21 again.
Clockwok Orange - 100 timeless stir fry recipes with citrus fruits by Ken Hom.
The Hunt for Ed October - Ed's missing again.
Clear and Present Anger - Tom Clancy's anger management self-help book.
Here's Waldo - a really boring collection of illustrations for children.
Of Ice And Men - John Steinbeck does chick lit, a humorous story of an Inuit girl who
leaves home for the big city.
Ook To WIndward - classic SF rumination on war and gibbons.
The Ace on the Milk Carton - the tale of an elaborate dairy-based poker cheating
scam.
Naive Son - Richard Wright's protagonist remains blissfully unaware of the racism
present in 1930s America.
The Win in the Willows - Charlie Sheen teams up with Toad for an unforgettable
adventure.
The Ill on the Floss - a textbook of mouth bacteria.
The Oy Luck Club -the histories of 4 Jewish women & their daughters.
Rainspotting - a traditional Irish summer holiday.
The Moo Is A Harsh Mistress - Heinlein's harrowing tale of bovine bondage.
The English Patent - a lyrical journey through intellectual property law.
Abe - the story of a little pig, born in a log cabin, who tried to save a nation.
Far From The Adding Crowd - one man's phobia of accountancy.
The Mayo of Casterbridge - salad recipes from Wessex.
The Catcher in the Re - the tale of a phony who is hidden within the element
Rhenium.
The Lord of the Rigs - one hobbit's quest to dominate Middle Earth's oil industry.
Cloud Alas - a lament for a rainy day.
Trying to do something with The Count of Monte Cristo, but can't think of anything.
Ount? Coun? Nope nothing.
The Silence of the Labs - all quiet on the bacterial front.
Hat Went Wrong? - Bernard Lewis examines the factors leading to the decline of
turban civilization.
The Wapshot Sandal - Cheever's seminal take on New England footwear.
All The President's Me - the autobiography of George W. Bush.
Bothers Karamazov - Ivan Karamazov sits in a bar and lists everything that annoys
him for 500 pages.
A Spot and a Pastime - cleaning as a hobby.
Horton Hears a Ho - a cartoon elephant stumbles into the red light district.
Much Ad About Nothing - Shakespeare's commentary on modern marketing.
Tree Nights with a Scoundrel - in which the heroine encounters a mighty oak.
The Oy of Sex - Jewish guide to lovemaking.
Mob Dick - Melville's undercover detective story with the Mafia.
Mo's Great Famine - lean times on the set of Eastenders.
The Kit Runner - Hoff's struggle to get a conversation going in Knight Rider when the
car's battery dies.
Far from the Madding Crow - tale of the attempts to escape the rural idyll.
MacBet - the Shakespearean tragedy of a king who commoditised gambling.
The Hard Boys - teen detectives by day, male prostitutes by night.
Goosebums - a porno mag full of anthropomorphic birds.
Ride and Prejudice - a tale of ethnically motivated drive-by shootings.
Lice in Wonderland - the real reason TweedleDee and TweedleDum are so twitchy.
Bossyants - Tina Fey's account of a domineering insect family.
The Holy Bile - a series of letters Jesus wrote but never sent. At least he worked out
his anger on paper first.
The 'Bibe - how drinking can answer all life's important questions and bring meaning
to the universe.
Confessions of a Hopaholic - beer-brewing fanatic Becky Bloomwood hunts for true
love amidst the kegs.
100 Ears of Solitude - lots and lots of lonely corn...
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dad - alternate ending to Hamlet in which he
realizes that R&G are his gay fathers.
Leak House - finding shelter in a monsoon.
King Ear - maybe this time he'll listen to Cordelia.
One With the Wind - the tale of one girl's love for Le Petomaine's talented, musical
anus.
As I Lay Ding - the kitchen timer interrupts the narrator's nap.
The Elfish Gene - Richard Dawkins explodes the Rivendell myth.
Our Ma in Havana - Greene's novel about his mother's trip to Cuba.
I, Root - Asimov's seminal collection of short stories about what happens when
carrots achieve sentience.
Eat Ray Love - the story of a woman who really loved Ray Charles.
My Ma Jeeves - what Bertie Wooster *really* feels, about his gentleman's gentleman.
Neve Let Me Go - the Hollywood True Story of Ms. Campbell.
The Tie Travellers Wife - harrowing tale of espousal to a journeyer of neck
adornments.
A Confederacy of Dunes - Frank Herbert's once lost, recently discovered conclusion
to the Dune saga.
A Tale of Two Cites - a story about a badly sourced essay.
The Gone Away Wold - poignant tale of disenfranchised Yorkshire folk and their
search for home.
Paradise Lot - the story of how paradise was paved over and turned into a parking
lot.
The Princess Brie - hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you ate my cheese, prepare to
die.
The Spy Who Loved M - James Bond finally reveals his true feelings for his superior.
Humboldt's Gif - a graphic designer's tale.
Stranger in a Strange Lad - no, just no.
Eat, Pay, Love - the story of a first date.
The Four-Hour Wok Week - trials and tribulations of Chinese cooking.
Rave New World - Huxley's dystopia updated for the acid generation.
The Book of Moron - no change there, then.
Plane of the Apes - a terrifying story from the 60s in which three gorillas and an
orang-utan take over a 747.
Wuthering Eights - numerical passion on the moors.
The Men Who Stare at Oats - porridge watchers anonymous.
Welcome to Bordertow - alienated teens disregard no-parking signs in city on the
edge of Faerie.
The Itches - a child's guide to psoriasis, by Roald Dahl.
The Tits - a child's guide to breasts, by Roald Dahl.
Old Finger - Bond takes on a villain with a passion for pensioners.
Rime and Punishment - Raskolnikov forms a rap crew in prison.
Fahrenheit 51 - the temperature at which butter softens.
A Tee Grows in Brooklyn - giant golf tee appears in skyline of The Big Apple, invites
gods to cosmic golf game.
Chas - James Gleik's biography of the cockney musician.
Far From the Madding Crow - moving house to escape a loud bird.
O the Lighthouse - a paean to one particularly lovely specimen, somewhere near
Dover.
The Roots of Dawn - Asimov explains the origins of sunrise.
Mutiny on the Bunty - an unprecedented uprising at D. C. Thomson publications.
My Sid of the Mountain - punks in lederhosen.
The Man in the Ron Mask - untold story of President Reagan's body double.
Fool Mon - Dresden investigates trouble in Jamaica.
A Thousand Splendid Uns - the joys of antonymic prefixes.
In Search of Lost Tim - Proust goes looking for his friend, the inexperienced explorer.
Miss Smilla's Feeling for Now - updated version of the Peter Hoeg classic.
Winnie The Poo - the tale of a bear of little hygiene.
Around the World in 0 Days - WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
The Audacity of Hop - Obama's biography tells of how he strove to jump on one leg.
War and Pace - the story of a slow battle.
Eats, Hoots & Leaves - story of an ungrateful owl.
The Worst Itch - eczema within the spell-casting community.
Tardust - Neil Gaiman's epic road building adventure.
The Voyage of the Dawn Reader - my twitter feed if I don't get to bed soon.
Clifford the Bi Red Dog - time to come out of the kennel.
The Old Curiosity Hop - Irish dancehalls in the 50s.
Wolf All - Hilary Mantel's encyclopedia of wolves.
Ender's Gam - a boy's leg saves the world from hostile aliens.
In Cod Blood - Truman Capote's rustic coastal cookbook.
The Audacity of Hoe - an anthology of female trash-talking.
The Power of No - Eckhart Tolles new age way of dealing with 'phone sales.
Ballet Hoes - arabesque for sale.
A Moth in the Country - Lepidoptera had it bad in the Great War too.
The Prince and the Paper - William's battle for headlines.
The Man Who Would Be Kin - long-lost-relative con artist done in by hubris.
On the Rod - Jack Kerouac's long lost erotic masterpiece.
Portrait of the Artist as a Young Ma - Joyce's semi-autobiographical story of teenage
pregnancy.
The Caste - Kafka's tale of negotiating a bewildering class system.
Do Quixote - or don't: your choice.
The Jungle Boo - boy raised by wolves is surprised when a tiger pops out from
behind a tree.
The Art of Ar - Sun Tzu's guide to International Speak Like A Pirate Day.
Don't Swat the Small Stuff - Richard Carlson converts to Jainism.
Never Let M Go - Ishiguro's unsettling account of 007's inability to break away from
his MI6 boss.
Dark Tie - book about the great Boston cravat disaster.
Go Is Not Great - Christopher Hitchens' scathing take-down of the ancient eastern
board game.
The iLad - Homer's belief about the first robot invented by apple.
The Hero With A Thousand Aces - Joseph Campbell's seminal poker guide.
The Turn of the Crew - the backstage boys won't be left out.
Tinker, Tailor, Solder, Spy - three unusual professions enter Scrapheap Challenge.
The Complete Woks of William Shakespeare - the Bard's guide to stir fry.
Oryx and Rake - in a dystopian future, there will still be yard work.
'ing Lear - Bowdlerised rant about the private jet manufacturer.
Spelling for Dumies - 'nuff said.
The Ale King - Wallace's meditation on the heroic tedium of downing beers at the
local pub.
Chitty Chitty Bang Ban - Ian Fleming's magical car comes up against anti-noise
ordinance.
Between Plants - Heinlein's least exciting book focuses on the watering team in a
modern high-rise.
Little, Bi - John Crowley's cult-classic fantasy novel about fairies and perverts.
Goodnight Moo - a child falls asleep to the sounds of his friends in the pasture.
Reams from my father - a story of really old printer paper.
Selling in Tough Ties - how to sell anything, to anyone, while wearing ugly neckwear.
The Rap of the Lock - Alexander Pope's surprisingly contemporary use of meter and
rhyme.
A Clockwork Range - brought to you by G.E. Appliances.
Let the Great World Sin - a minister's lament.
The Asp Factory - story of young murderous Egyptian eunuch who creates an
elaborate trap system for snakes.
Rogue Ale - a tense chase through the monasteries of Belgium to find a lost Trappist
beer.
In Defense of Foo - Michael Pollan collaborates with Mr T.
The Golden Owl - noir classic that inspired The Maltese Falcon.
Hear of Darkness - Conrad's protagonist is told of Kurtz's madness and decides to
stay home.
Ye of the Needle - Follett's ode to ladies quilting circles.
Great E-Pectations - a tale of one man's discovery that online activity results in
increased nippular stimulation.
Moby Ick - falling sea sick while whale hunting.
Remembrance of Things Pat - a little primer on clichés.
Oedipus Ex - the King and his mother have separated.
Weeworld - a tale of lycanthropic small bladders.
Cream Street - a desert-lovers' paradise.
A Tate for Death - murder in an art gallery.
Kane and Abe - Archer's account of the mysterious murder of Abraham Lincoln's
brother.
The Last Temptation of Chris - spoiler alert: it was donuts.
Robin Ood - the Doctor discovers an alien presence in Sherwood Forest.
Junk - William Burroughs's lost scripts for Steptoe and Son.
The Dharma Bus - public transportation. Like, wow, man.
Ho, I Met Your Mother - the sinister true story of how Ted Mosby REALLY met his
kids' mother.
The Word In The Stone - a tale of Neolithic graffiti.
Mooraker - in which Bond mucks out cowsheds between assignments.
The Scent of Man - Charles Darwin's sadly neglected treatise on body odour.
A Clockwork Range - dystopian future shock of cog-driven Aga.
The Joy of Cooing - autobiography of a pigeon.
Jane Eye - orphaned Cyclops becomes a governess.
A Fa's Notes — jealousy of Do, Re, and Mi takes its toll.
Return of the Kin - it's Thanksgiving again already?
East of Den - Steinbeck's treatise on Feng Shui.
Number of the Beat - a boy band travels through alternate realities.
Ms. Dalloway - more spinstery than the original.
A Wrinkle in Tim - memoir by elderly comedian Tim Conway.
Procession of the Dad - this one procession that won't ask for directions.
Around the World in Eight Days - Jules Verne writes about Phileas Fogg, an air
steward.
Bleak Hose - the depression of gardening.
ET Cemetary - I'm sorry, Elliot. He's gone.
Moby Ick - the gruesome tale of a rapper with poor hygiene.
Animal Arm – Orwell tells a tale of totalitarian regime and creature appendage
collection.
Animal Far - the book of how Father Ted explained that these cows are small, but
those are far away...
Paradise Lot - Milton's epic story of the man who found just the right location.
Olive Twist - a recipe book for gruel, gruel youth.
A Separate Pace - about boys in a boarding school, all moving at different speeds.
The Road To Wigan Pie - the hunt for the tastiest savoury in England.
The Sum of all Ears - he hears all things.
Under The Dom - in which some children struggle to get out from underneath Dom
DeLuise.
Ride and Prejudice - a very snobby equestrian society story.
A Roo of One's Own - Virginia Woolf's guide to marsupial ownership.
Marley & E – a tale of a good dog gone astray after getting hooked on party drugs.
Winnie The Poo - Mrs Mandela reincarnated as a turd.
Fellowship Of The Rig - the saga of a fractious band of truck drivers carrying
SERIOUSLY hazardous materials.
Psych by Robert Bloch- he had you going there for a second, didn't he?
Empire Of The Su - Su Pollard has a go at governing Japan with hilarious
consequences.
Price of Tides - one southern man's attempt to purchase the ocean.
The Gilly Alt Sisters - two punks siblings in Cape Cod learn about life, love, and tons
of eyeliner.
The Defence of the Real - the official history of MI5 and its fight against surrealism.
Ma Beth - the touching tale of a mother's quest to rule Scotland.
I, Root - the secret life of sudo.
Of Mice and Me- Walt Disney's autobiography.
The Oy of Sex - a guide to Jewish sensuality.
Lady Chatterley's Over - she may not be a maiden, but she bowls one.
The Aster and Margarita - an enchanting story of the love between a cocktail and a
daisy.
The Ommitments - Roddy Doyle's tale of #bookswithalettermissing.
Ho Moved My Cheese? - I didn't pay for dairy relocation.
For Who the Bell Tolls - a grammarian's nightmare.
Did I Ever Tell You How Ucky You Are? - Dr Seuss shows his darker side.
The No Ladies Detective Agency - no ladies here, guv.
The Grape of Wrath - one piece of fruit's guide to anger management.
Ales of Ordinary Madness - Bukowski being Bukowski.
The Ark Knight Returns - Frank Miller writes the immortal words, "Are you retarded!?
I'm goddamned Noah!"
The Iron Ma - Ted Hughes' gripping tale of a Dublin boy and his piecemeal metal
mother.
Ender's Gam - remember, the enemy's leg is down.
Here's Wally - a book that left children around the world completely bored.
All the Pretty Hoses - an enthusiastic gardener's tale.
The Wind-up Bid Chronicle - Japanese magical realism meets eBay.
Charlie and the Chocolat Factory - Charlie Bucket visits the magical place where
Juliette Binoche movies are made.
The Art of Wa - how You Can Defeat Your Enemies By Crying A Lot.
Confessions of a Hopaholic - a woman's quest to walk normally.
Lice In Wonderland: a whole kindergarten to infect.
The Purpose Driven Lie - an anti-motivation guide for slackers.
Elipse - incomplete thoughts about vampi...
The Sound and the Fur - Jason Compson takes up taxidermy.
Biggles Lies Again - Capt W E Johns's unflinching account of the dashing avaitor's
'personal struggle'.
Bossypans - Tina Fey's culinary memoir.
Liver Twist - Charles Dickens' tale of how David Crosby replaced his liver. Twice.
"Please sir, may I have another?"
Rome & Juliet - adventures in youth hostelling.
The Life of I - endless narcissism from a self absorbed tiger.
Dun - seminal science fiction novel about an inter-galactic debt collector.
All Quit On The Western Front - French retelling of a WW1 Classic.
Irates of Penzance - Cornish separatists fall out with one another.
Our Ma in Havana - communist nursing homes exposed.
Love Tory. A colonist falls for an English girl - who dies.
A Room of One's Ow - alternative title of 1984.
We're Going On a Ear Hunt - searching for the lobes.
Pride Ad Prejudice - Austen's tale of a paper that wouldn't print an advert for a march
celebrating gay culture.
The Hack - religious author feels great existential angst when he realizes he's a
crappy writer.
The Communist Manifest - rather dull list of people who are now, or ever have been,
communists.
10 Years of Solitude - a slow decade.
The Unbearable Lightness of Bing - Matthew Perry comes clean about his battle with
anorexia.
A Brief History of Tim - the admirably concise autobiography of the posh one off The
Goodies.
Far From The Adding Crowd - what to do if you're kicked off the arithmetic team at
school.
One Thousand and On Nights - the many guards of "Aladdin Security" stay vigilant
for Ali Baba's shoplifting gang.
Eaves of Grass - Whitman's guide to rooftop gardens.
The Price - Machiavelli's contract proposal for marketing services for ruthless
leaders.
For Who the Bell Tolls - Robert Jordan grades English papers during the Spanish
Civil War.
Lice in Wonderland - the story of an epidemic that all began with one very Mad
Hatter.
Paradise Lot - a fictional place where you can find a convenient place to park.
Godel Escher Bah - the tale of someone fed up of too much bloody self-reference.
The Sand - a chilling, dark tale of our eroding beaches told by the master of horror
and suspense.
Zorba the Geek - the novel about a man who teaches another man the joy of coding.
Beezus and Amona - a girl struggles valiantly with her inability to pronounce the
names of nitrogenous compounds.
Rave New World - Aldous Huxley's legendary study of Ecstasy and its effect on
British pop culture.
Angels and Demos - fed up with all the harp playing, they search for a record label.
Rats of Nih - sequel to the Monty Python film the Knights of Nih.
The Sum of All Ears - in his next historical novel, Tom Clancy fictionalises the life of
Van Gogh.
The Izard of Oz - tornado brings girl to a fabulous land ruled by a transvestite
comedian.
984 - a dystopian account of one peasant's failed rebellion against his oligarchal
Viking overlords.
The Brother Karamazov - a novel about a black guy in 19th century Russia.
The Greatest Sow on Earth - Richard Dawkins' heart-warming prequel to Charlotte's
Web.
Aws - Peter Benchley's adorable shark.
Super Sad True Love Tory - Margaret Thatcher's journey of self-discovery as she
learns the meaning of modern love.
The God Elusion - the gripping adventure tale of a brave deity's escape from angry
mobs of skeptics.
- to Brezhnev - clever.
Atlas Hugged - cosy stuff.
Lorna Done - we're finished here.
F Mice and Men - Steinbeck gives up.
Here The Wild Things Are - monsters a little closer to home...
A Brief History of Tim - Stephen Hawking looks back on British tennis star Henman's
torrid career.
The Da Vinci Ode - epic extolling the virtues and talents of the great artist.
The Hun For Red October - Caesar's long lost letters from the battlefront.
Goo Boss, Bad Boss - the sad tale of working for Ghostbusters' Slimer.
The Human Actor - he pretends...
A Tim to Kill - a severely obsessive compulsive man wants his wife killed, but insists
her killer be called Tim.
The Rapes of Wrath - angry serial rapists target poor farmers heading west.
A Brief History of Tim - Hawking looks at a Monty Python character.
Candid - extremely rare volume of French 19th century erotica.
Farewell to Arm - an amputee's harrowing tale.
One with the Wind - an epic tale about a Southerner's struggle with Zamfir and the
pan flute.
Finding Emo - the story of a middle class teenager.
Due - a sci-fi classic about a late library book at the heart of intergalactic diplomacy.
Through the Looking Lass - Alice watches and is watched.
The At in the Hat - a preposition buys its first chapeau.
Topic of Capricorn - a must buy for anyone born under this sign.
Women I Love - D. H. Lawrence's dedication to polyamory.
2,000 Leagues Under the Sea - not nearly as impressive.
The Elegance of the Hedgeho - life as a prostitute in rural Ireland.
Iva Hoe - Sir Walter Scott's tale of knights pimping the ladies of the court during the
crusades.
eLoved - a tale of a mother's deep love in the modern age.
The Gofather - old guy works in his son's business and the young feller makes him
go fer coffee, sweep the floor, etc.
Topic of Cancer - discussion of the 'c' word...
The Wizard of O - one girl's take of her magical sexual awakening.
The High Widow - noir tale of a husband's death and a wife's struggle to cope who
then turns to drugs.
The World According to Gap - a fashion retailer's chronicle.
A Roo With A View - the Aussie story of a frighteningly tall kangaroo.
The Tao of Poo - what taking a dump can teach us about the universe.
Son of Myself - Walt Whitman gets a God complex.
Band of Bothers - Stephen Ambrose catalogs things that really bugged the 101st.
Farenheit 45 - the overnight temperature at which most authors change to a lighter
duvet.
Where's Ally? - WW2 themed puzzle book.
The Oxford Book of Iris History - definitive biography of this little known New Zealand
born author.
A Game of Torns - a mental patient struggles with his paper ripping habit.
Heat of Darkness - or that moment you think Texas will surely be cooler at night...and
then it's not.
The Ed Queen - the story of a drag queen during the Wars of the Roses.
A Dance to the Music of Tim - former English tennis star guides you through his iPod.
The Martin Chronicles - an epistolary novel about a guy named Martin.
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Net - a story of one Emo's battle to overcome a
basketball gambling addiction.
All The Petty Horses - equines that just can't let it go.
This is a Boo - scary stories from Demetri Martin.
The Sound and the Fry - Faulkner's complex and disorienting story about troubled
McDonald's employees.
A Ridge Too Far - a hiker's struggle with hill walking.
His Ark Materials - a pious version of the trilogy.
Fo' Whom the Bell Tolls - an audiobook of Ernest Hemingway's classic, read by
Snoop Dogg
A Lash of Kings - makeup artist for royalty falls for the king himself, hi-jinks ensue.
Jaw - deformed gummy shark fails miserably to terrorize local beach.
"I Have A Ream" - Dr. King begins selling office supplies to subsidize civil rights
movement.
The Scarlet - clever.
Where The Wild Tings Are - Irish twist on children's classic.
Black Beaut - an Aussie takes an unPC look at Aboriginal woman.
The Secret Gent - Conrad's study of a man with invisible good manners.
Les Miserable - late BBC comedian's family tell the warts and all story of the tears of
a clown.
The Huger Games - a story of a young girl Katniss on her quest for obesity to spite
the Capitol.
Planet of the Aps - spacemen return to a world overtaken by Apple.
We're Going On A Bar Hunt - just the usual Saturday night out...
Here The Wild Things Are - monsters a little closer to home...
I Pit On Your Graves - the true story of one man's misguided attempt to build a
coalmine on the town cemetery.
Brighton Roc- the terrifying tale of a seaside town terrorized by a giant bird of prey.
A Connecticut Yankee in Kin Arthur's Court - this time he's related.
The Ickwick Papers - in which they only visit disgusting places.
200: A Space Odyssey - secret project of late Roman Empire built orbiting spacecraft
fueled by wine and olive oil.
Gulliver's Ravels - in which a man knits really tiny sweaters.
His Ark Materials - what Noah used.
The Anglo-Saxo Chronicle - a French/English car collaboration.
The Log Song - Booker Prize shortlisted story of a lumberjacks love for his work.
ROM with a view - now would you own up to knowing?
Jane Ere - the prequel to Bronte's hit novel.
Back from the Rink - Paul McGrath and Nancy Kerrigan talk ice skating and dodgy
knees.
The Price and the Pauper - a modern fable of a pneumatic page 3 girl come novelist
and her poor lover.
A Series of Unfortunate Vents - self-help anger management guide based on a true
story.
The Importance of Being Ernest - film actor Jim Varney's coming of age tale.
Mansfield Ark - Jane Austen's stud farm.
The Man in the Ion Mask - electrostatic facial treatments go wrong in a men's spa.
Liver Twist - an unsavory cookbook written by M. Night Shyamalan.
One with the Wind - really, you know you ate those beans, just admit it.
Fan of the Vampire - go capes and sharp teeth!
Heat of the Mummy - these bandages are warm!
Attack of the Rolls - lunch fights back!
Rigid Jones - the story of a stiff woman with big underwear.
Diary of a Wimpy Id - the lifelong struggle of one man over his weak basic instincts.
Indian Cam - Hemingway's account of rebuilding a classic motorcycle.
Artemis Owl - Die Hard with birds.
East of Den -John Steinbeck's epic directions to the bathroom.
A Confederacy of Dunes - the story of what happens when seashores retaliate.
Fear of Fling - an essay on the importance of monogamy.
Goldilocks and the Three Ears - classic kids mutant sci-fi caper.
Roo on the Broom - kangaroo shenanigans.
Beauty and the East - analysis of western influence on hair removal in the interests of
social acceptability.
Can of the Cave Bear - a fuzzy beast adopts a human food storage technology in
preparation of hibernation.
Rots - Arthur Hayley's book about his ancestors.
Gordon Ramsay's Just Deserts - where the renowned chef explores the nutritional
qualities of sand.
The Prince of Tide - one brave man who would excel at doing the laundry.
Peter Pa - he finally grows up and has children.
The Price - Machiavelli would be willing to pay it.
The Long Son - a mother's descriptive tale of her 48 hours in labor with the tallest
man in the world.
Fever Itch - Nick Hornby's account of his truly unhealthy obsession for football.
Clan of the Cave Bar - Jean M Auel's work on the most popular Neanderthals this
side of the Ice Age.
The Rad - Cormac McCarthy's not so post-apocalyptic novel about Rich Terfry.
The Once and Future Kin - the relatives who came for a visit but stayed FOREVER.
The Unger Games - former Daily Show correspondent has friends over for an
evening of charades and Monopoly.
Rabbi Run - a man of faith tries his hand at track and field.
Fist Love - a story of domestic violence.
The Doos of Perception - author mistakenly ingests petrified dog turd instead of
mescaline.
The Bind Assassin - S&M for the Modern James Bond.
Casino Royal - a king gambles.
Gulliver's Ravels - oh my, a fashion faux pas!
Are You There God, It's M-Margaret - a stuttering girl gets her period and finds
religion.
Lord of the Fies - a Shakespearean Swearing Dictionary.
The Ear of the French - Thomas Flanagan's biography of a Munster rugby player.
The Gapes of Wrath - finding holes in the meaning of wrath.
Mall is Beautiful - the book that birthed the shopaholics' rights movement.
The Girl with the Drago Tattoo - came out after Rocky IV. Written by a big Dolph
Lundgren fan.
Jane Eye - a little known ophthalmologist from Bronte's era.
Rash - J.G. Ballard's gripping tale of people who have a car crash fetish... and get
VD.
The Life of P - just hanging on and holding it in.
Hoscotch - a 60s classic investigating prostitution and alcohol abuse in Paris and
Buenos Aires.
The Ilia - about Olympic Figure Skater Ilia Kulik.
The Monkey Wrench Gag - hi-jinks in the auto mechanic's shop.
Oedipus Rx - how prescription drug abuse lead to deviant sexual behavior in the
ancient world.
Letters to a Young Pot - the heartwarming correspondence between a chef and her
newest piece of cookware.
The BG - Roald Dahl's tale of a rather large unfriendly creature.
The Grater Journey - the trials & tribulations of a kitchen gadget gone a-wanderin'.
A Midsummer Night's Dram - mystical dreams brought on by a late night tipple.
All the Resident's Men - a story of corruption in an old folks home.
Little Emo in Slumberland - chronicling one teenager's dreams of a My Chemical
Romance concert.
The All of the Wild - story with a cast of characters including every single animal ever
born outside captivity.
Stig of the DUP - the white helmet comes off to reveal Ian Paisley.
Tree Men and a Baby - the story of a courageous child found roaming the jungle.
The Prince and the Paper - in spite of all his royal authority, a young prince still has
to do his homework.
Eat of Eden - story of the best darn restaurant this side of paradise.
Mostly Armless - Zaphod Beeblebrox's newest body-modification goes horribly
wrong.
Ta Baby - all about expressing gratitude to neonates.
Pickwick Apers - bio of Victorian celebrity impressionists.
Buff the Vampire Slayer - a DIY guide to keeping wooden stakes shiny.
The Da Vinci Ode - Dan Brown's paean to the original Renaissance man.
The Bach - a British traveller discovers a German composer hiding on an island in
Thailand.
Thomas the Tan Engine - it's been a sunny few weeks on the island of Sodor.
Zn and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - extolling the virtues of zinc cast engine
parts.
East of Den - John Steinbeck's epic directions to the bathroom.
The Second Word War - Churchill describes a particularly acrimonious game of
Scrabble.
Fight Cub - fed up with his white-collar life, a man moves to a forest to battle baby
bears.
The War of the Wolds - an unnamed narrator travels through the Cotswolds as
England is invaded by Martians.
The Obbit - an east London halfling goes off on a quest.
Oh, The Place You'll Go - Dr. Seuss explains what happens to bad boys and girls
after they die.
Mary Poppin' - cautionary tale of drugs, umbrellas and small children.
Half a Lie - untruths in the immigrant community of post war London.
The Naked and the Dad - just sordid, I tell you, sordid.
My Many-Colored Das - Dr. Seuss' advice for gay interracial parents.
Here's Wally - so that's where the bugger's been hiding all these years!
The Hole Woman - Greer expresses admiration for female spelunking expert who
lives underground for a year.
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