click here

An animated Television Series
created by
Kimberly foster
Developed for Television by
Richard Liebmann-Smith
Written by
Kimberly Foster and Richard Liebmann-Smith
Illustrated by
Andy Suriano
Table of
Contents
Introduction ……………………............……….……1
Who is Sick? ………………………….……...............2
What is the Sick style? ……………….……..3
Where is Sick located? ………………...……..4
How is Sick structured?…………….………5
Sick Characters……………….........………..….…6
Sample Episode Treatment……….….…....11
Other Sick Story Ideas………………....…….17
Sick Bios………………………....................………..20
Character Designs....………………….….........21
introduction
In the real world, words like "bipolar," "obsessive-compulsive," "Tourette's" and
"schizophrenic" are used to describe "crazy" behavior.
In the real world, crazy, sick things happen all the time and sometimes we laugh.
But in the world of entertainment, mental illness is a sacred cow. There isn't much
to laugh at in earnest pictures like A Beautiful Mind, I am Sam, and The Other
Sister.
Sick is different. Sick runs over the sacred cow in a slick, black, gasguzzling SUV.
Why would anyone want to do such a thing?
We all know someone who suffers from mental illness. The mentally ill are our
brothers and sisters, the neighbor who never got over being dumped at 18 and
became a recluse, or even ourselves. And as everyone close to mental illness
knows, it's not funny--except when it is!
Sick reminds us of the awful, gob-smacking truth: the world of mental illness
might be sad but it can also be hilarious:
Humor is a way to bring a painful and closeted subject to the surface.
Talking about difficult subjects can make people feel better--like watch ing Jerry Springer when you think your life is hell and realizing that it may
not be so bad after all. Comparisons can be healing.
The real people of Sick, the mentally ill among us, will appreciate the
spotlight. (And, yes, we asked some of them.)
1
who is
sick ?
Her name is Loretta and she looks like Shelly Duvall
with an eating disorder. She's anorectic, neurotic, phobic
and just about every other "-ic " a 15-year-old girl can be.
Loretta is afraid of EVERYTHING. She lives in a teenage
world where the rampant forces of materialism, competition
and beauty all exacerbate her fears. She gets through ordinary situations in extraordinary ways. By the end of each
episode, Loretta's perfect sister Olivia usually "wins" but never
learns a lesson. Loretta always "loses" and always learns a
valuable lesson: life is cruel and unfair.
And it's not just Loretta: virtually everyone in Sick, including
the School Principal, has some identifiable mental illness. Yet
while they're all certifiably nuts, they're also full, rounded
characters with dreams, conflicts and surprising strengths
that defy their narrow diagnostic labels.
2
what is the
sick style ?
Sick is a dark comedy. Think of it as Gilmore Girls meets South Park, meets One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest,
then turns around and shakes hands with Girl, Interrupted.
Because it deals with teen life, mental illness and Southern California, everything in the world of Sick is a heightened, twisted version of normal reality. The characters are fantastic. They speak like movie stars and the choices
they make are always unexpected and melodramatic. All of them go to extremes to get what they want. Olivia will
disfigure herself to win a beauty competition; Sophia (Mama) will dye her hair pink to feel young again. Everyone
does whatever it takes to be happy for the moment.
Being an animated show, Sick can take us into the twisted fantasies and distorted perceptions of its characters,
often blurring the line between hallucination and reality. Depending on whose eyes we're seeing the world through
at any given moment, the clothing in a shop window might speak, people might gain or lose a hundred pounds in
a heartbeat, and breasts might sing and dance.
3
where is sick
located ?
Sick is set in the present, in the wealthy L.A. suburb of San Dinero. Loretta, her mother and her sister live in a mansion built with insurance money from when the family
home burned down--by accident, of course.
The SICK neighborhood is competitive and obsessive. The neighbors are currently
fighting about Sophia’s new pink poodle collection because 19 poodles make a lot of
poo.
Loretta and her fraternal twin sister, Olivia, go to San Dinero High, which looks like a
typical Los Angeles school but is actually a laboratory school for the Department of
Very Special Education. (Instead of snacks and sodas, the school's vending machines
dispense Prozac, Ritalin, Thorazine and Valium.)
At San Dinero High there's no Biology 101 or Introductory French. The classroom
doors read:
PAXIL 101
THE REAL WORLD OF COMPETITION 102
OBSESSIONS 101
COMPULSIONS 203
DEPRESSION 102
LESBIAN CHIC FOR TODAY'S TEEN 101
THE REAL WORLD OF BEAUTY AND WINNING 101
4
how is sick
structured ?
Each episode of Sick is 22 minutes long, in three acts, with a teaser and a tag.
Every episode begins with Loretta having a Stephen King-style nightmare, usually
one in which a scary maternal figure is out to devour her. Loretta always dreams
about something that will spark her phobia for the day. For example, in one nightmare a black-hatted witch figure is selling Loretta into slavery for peanuts. She
wakes up to her mother offering her a peanut butter sandwich. Loretta then imagines her tiny head between the slices of bread and freaks out. Later that day,
Loretta goes on a school trip in which all the students must swim in an exfoliating
pool of crushed peanuts or be expelled. Loretta will try anything to get out of it.
Perhaps she'll get a fat kid to eat them all--the peanuts, that is.
As soon as the nightmare finishes, Loretta vomits! The vomit takes the shape of the
title letters SICK, in all its technicolor glory.
The stories are character-driven (and symptom-driven) with unexpected plot twists
and in-your-face jokes. Everyone is constantly trying to outdo each other with dirty
tricks.
Every episode ends with a dark moral lesson: life is ridiculously unfair.
At the end of each show, Loretta addresses the camera and sadly intones, "This is
SICK."
5
sick
characters
Loretta and her family
LORETTA SWALLOW has a kind heart and an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Her eye twitches and her fingers shake. She's obsessed with jewelry. Her rings
are the only things that make her feel pretty. She treats them as extensions of
herself and lives in fear that she'll lose them. She can't leave a room without
counting every one of her ten rings to make sure one hasn't dropped off. When
Loretta is under pressure, she counts her rings and calms her anxiety attacks by
sitting in the lawn chair that she drags along with her at all times. On a bad day
she might even take her lawn chair into the shower, where she can exhaust herself
by scrubbing each arm and leg 100 times. Loretta is deathly afraid of balloons and
escalators. She likes spiders and has a pet snake named Fluffy. She's the UN-beautiful fraternal twin sister of the beautiful Olivia.
Loretta doesn't really know who she is, but she's pretty sure she's a better person than Olivia. She thinks practically everyone at San Dinero High is superficial and mean and she doesn't really want to fit in there if that means
changing. Her identity is wrapped up in her craziness. She knows she's weird but if her best friend, Paula, were
to make a joke about her phobias and obsessions, she would laugh. She's totally aware of her idiosyncrasies and
knows how funny they can be to other people.
In addition to suffering the living nightmare of her day-to-day existence, Loretta is plagued by real Steven-Kingstyle nightmares every night. In one bad dream, she's being hunted by a humongous spindly spider with the head
of her mother - eeeeek - slobbery, dripping fangs and spindly, groping fingers! In another, a tidal wave crashes
directly into Loretta's bedroom. Yet another finds Loretta standing naked at school seeing her mother's head on
the principal's body. And of course there's the classic black-hat witch-chasing dream, and the witch is--guess who?
Like every other girl (and some boys) at San Dinero High, Loretta has a crush on Bruce Brewster, but she's scared
that if she ever lets him know, he'll lose interest in her. Besides, she's terrified of sex and human relationships,
though she desperately craves both.
Loretta may be sick but she's not stupid. In fact, she can be creatively brilliant, and has a wicked sense of humor.
Her dream is to be a painter like Van Gogh, but with two ears. Loretta paints dead birds--literally, not pictures of
them. She brings them home and colors their feathers. ("They're already dead, so you might as well paint them.")
Loretta is depressed and has almost given up on herself and the world, but not quite.
6
OLIVIA SWALLOW is Loretta's beautiful, bulimic, shallow sister. With a major chip on her
shoulder and a hopeless case of monophobia (fear of being alone), she's desperate to
feel good about herself. She finds superficial satisfaction in "winning" at school and
she'll trample anyone in her path to reach her goals.
On a deeper level, Olivia is a narcissistic psychopath. She may know right from
wrong, but she just doesn't care. She's convinced that beauty and popularity are all
that matter. She equates money and clothes with love and is terrified that she won't
exist if she doesn't have them. Olivia is a hollow shell with a desire for substance.
Like Loretta, Olivia is in love with Bruce Brewster, whom she sees as the ultimate
fashion accessory and status symbol.
SOPHIA CRISTA'L SWALLOW is the ringleader of the Swallow circus. She's Loretta and Olivia's mother and
she wears too much makeup. She's quirky, opinionated and sticks her nose into everyone's
business. Her clothes are too tight, she smokes too many cigarettes and dresses like
she's about to go disco dancing.
Sophia is a parent in desperate need of a parent herself. She survives on pills and
alcohol, but she does have rules: no martinis before breakfast and no pills on an
empty stomach. Although she misses the boat on family values, she's doing the
best she knows how. She's gotten through life using her beauty and manipulative
skills, and she wants to teach her daughters the same tactics for getting along in a
competitive world. She thinks it is out of "love" that she promotes "winning," but she's
often hurtful to Loretta.
Sophia clearly favors Olivia because she understands her. She doesn't know how to help
Loretta, the enigma. Sophia is a spitfire with an hysterical sense of humor; she has the energy of a two-year-old in a woman's body. She isn't aware of how funny she is.
7
GRANDMA LILLY TAPOLIPI lives in a trailer park. She used to live on Central Park
South and 5th Avenue. She is very conflicted about money. She married for money 6
times. Her 6th husband was a bigger scammer than she was and took all her money.
By day, she waits in line for food stamps, with her clothes inside out. (She has cut out
the Barneys labels.) By night, she can be spotted eating a fancy dinner with some
washed-up ancient prince. She eats the flower garnish off her dinner plate then orders
a side dish of pansies, because she thinks it makes her look sophisticated and "rich."
Grandma contacts her daughter Sophia only when she's out of cash. At the moment
they aren't speaking because Sophia thinks her mother stole her French fur coat and
Oriental rug.
Grandma's motto is "fun, fun, fun!"
DAD Burt Swallow doesn't live at the Swallow home anymore. He
was last seen being thrown into a straight jacket and dragged out
of the house by two burly hospital attendants when the girls were
toddlers. Loretta thinks it's her fault and she's right. Sophia and
Olivia also drove him mad, but no one talks about that.
8
san dinero high
DR. BILL is the Principal and Chief Guidance Counselor of San
Dinero High. He understands everyone's
problems except his own and models
himself on Dr. Phil of TV fame, even to
the extent of sporting a fake mustache, a fake Texas accent and a
fake bald head. His doctorate is in
geology.
PAULA MARTINEZ is Loretta's best friend. She's a tough kid with the spirit of a wolf. She's territorial and protective. She protects and advises Loretta, much like a fairy godmother. Paula loves Loretta
and empathizes with Loretta's underdog position. She accepts Loretta the way she is
and is always relieved at the end of the day when Loretta's good nature remains
untouched by the nonsense at San Dinero High.
Paula is currently studying lesbianism and witchcraft, though she's not very good
at either. She weaves elaborate spells to try to give Loretta a fighting chance at
"winning." The only problem is that Paula has Tourette's Syndrome, so her spells
always go awry.
BRUCE BREWSTER is gorgeous, muscular and tall. He reached puberty and lost
his virginity by the age of ten. He's good at math and sports.
All the girls love him and so do all the teachers. Bruce is the
most normal guy at San Dinero High; in fact, he's the only
one. Olivia will do anything to capture him, and being a
red-blooded American male, Bruce is hardly immune to
her superficial charms. But he's more interested in
Loretta, perhaps because she reminds him of his parents, who, oddly enough, turn out to be a couple of total
invisible-fly-swatting freaks.
9
TIM is Bruce's sidekick. He's a rave culture kid with a weakness for high-heeled shoes. He's a compulsive liar, but he can dance and
paint. He cross-dresses when no
one is looking. He thinks Bruce is
beautiful. His mother is
Vietnamese and his father is an
African-American from Nantucket.
HUNTER AND BACON are 14-year-old identical twin brothers. They function like
Siamese twins because they were Siamese twins at birth. The scar goes from their
necks to their bellybuttons. And everyone wants to see! Well, almost everyone.
They each weigh 300 lb. at 5 feet. The separation was successful physically,
but mentally they still share EVERYTHING. Loretta understands the twins'
"secret" language and is welcome in their world. But even she is not allowed
into the secret dead-bolted room where the boys collect every bit of cartoon
merchandise and memorabilia from their favorite TV super-heroes.
ANNE HECHE looks and talks like the actress
Anne Heche and has an extra-terrestrial alter ego
like Anne Heche's, named Celestia. But she is
not Anne Heche. She's tormented by the fact
that everyone thinks she's Anne Heche.
Imaginary Friends
James Taylor and Cat Stevens are
Loretta’s imaginary friends. These two 60’s folkrock idols serve as the father she never knew.
She turns to them for advice and comfort when
things get weird, as they so often do. But unfortunately the singer/gurus hate each other’s guts
and can never agree on what’s best for her.
10
sick
sample episode treatment
“fluffy is dead”
FADE IN: ON LORETTA'S NIGHTLY NIGHTMARE
LORETTA is writhing helplessly in the clutches of a gigantic boa constrictor. The powerful serpent has wrapped
itself around her narrow torso and now coils the last few feet of its alarming length around her neck. She flails
at its scaly body with her skinny arms, but the mighty creature only <SQUEEZES> tighter and tighter against her
windpipe. Loretta's head blows up like a big red balloon and her eyes begin to bulge out of her sockets. She
tries to scream, but only a choked little <WHEEZE> emerges from her mouth. Olivia and Sophia are laughing
hysterically. Loretta vomits! The vomit takes the shape of the title letters SICK.
DISSOLVE OUT TO:
EXT. - LORETTA'S HOUSE - MORNING
It's another gorgeous morning in San Dinero, California. The sun is shining and the birds are <TWEETING>
sweetly in the bougainvillea.
INT. - LORETTA'S BEDROOM - MORNING - CONT.
Loretta sits up in her bed, smiling and <SIGHS> with relief that the nightmare is over. But just then the peaceful
<CHIRPING> of the birds is suddenly broken by a sickening <SCREECH> of brakes and <SQUEAL> of tires
outside her house. She scrambles out of bed, down the stairs and into the street in front of her house to discover . . .
EXT. - STREET - MORNING - CONT.
. . . that her pet snake has just been flattened by a hit-and-run driver. ("Oh no, not . . . FLUFFY!") All she hears
is the <ROAR> of a car speeding away into the distance.
INT. - LORETTA'S HOUSE - MORNING - CONT.
She staggers back into the house carrying Fluffy's lifeless body and climbs into to her lawn chair, where she
begins obsessively counting her rings and <SOBBING> inconsolably. As she touches each ring, she chants;
"One babeeeeee, two babeeeeees, threeee babieeeeeeies."
INT. - BREAKFAST NOOK - MORNING - A LITTLE LATER
Over a breakfast of celery sticks and strawberry Slim-Fast served in crystal champagne flutes, SOPHIA tells the
distraught Loretta that she doesn't have to go to school today. Loretta is surprised and relieved that her mother
11
seems to be empathizing with her, but it turns out that Sophia is not so much concerned with Loretta's trauma
as the fact that her grieving daughter just looks so terrible. "You know darling, your eyes are very puffy and your
nose is swollen. We Swallow girls should never be seen with puffy eyes.”
Loretta's twin sister OLIVIA is jealous. How come she doesn't get to stay home from school too? That little sicky
Loretta always gets everything. But Mom reminds Olivia that she looks "so beauuuuteeeful." She should go to
school, because that's where everyone will admire her.
To Loretta's horror, Olivia, the resourceful fashionista, quickly and deftly whips up an elegant snake-skin purse
out of the late Fluffy's hide.
Seeing what her sister is doing with poor Fluffy, Loretta runs up to her room and <SLAMS> the door behind her,
from behind which we hear <SOBBING>.
EXT. - LORETTA'S HOUSE - MORNING - CONT.
Leaving the house, Olivia (who's bulimic) immediately throws up her meager breakfast, <SPEWING> bright pink
vomit into the shrubbery. A couple of neighborhood dogs bounce over and begin <LAPPING> it up. Then she's
off to school, where she's sure her stunning new handbag will catch the attention of her major crush, the hunky
yet surprisingly sensitive BRUCE BREWSTER.
INT. - LORETTA'S BEDROOM - DAY - MEANWHILE
Alone up in her room, the grieving Loretta is deep in discussion with her imaginary friend and mentor-CAT
STEVENS. The former rock-star-turned-holy-man consoles Loretta on her loss, trying to convince her that death
is just the coolest thing. They sing; "Morning has broken."
EXT./INT - HIGH SCHOOL - MORNING - LATER
Arriving at school, Olivia seeks out Bruce to try out her elegant new purse on him. But instead of admiring it, the
gorgeous hunk <GAGS> and turns pale. Olivia is devastated. She pulls out huge chunks of her hair. Does Bruce
hate her handbag? In fact he's freaking out because he thinks she's onto his secret--that yes, yes, it was HE
who ran over Fluffy! And when he hears that Loretta is distraught with grief he promises to go over to her house
at lunchtime to apologize to her in person.
Olivia's plan to win over Bruce has backfired badly. But seeing how guilty and concerned Bruce is about
Loretta's snake, Olivia begins plotting to have Bruce run over HER pet. Except that of course she has no pet.
But, she realizes, "the school testing lab has all those fluffy bunnies!"
INT. - SCHOOL - HALLWAY - MORNING - MEANWHILE.
This morning, DR. BILL, the principal, is showing a new student, ANNE HECHE, around the school, explaining
the institution's unique curriculum. (This includes classes like OBSESSIONS 101, COMPULSIONS 203, LESBIAN CHIC FOR TODAY'S TEEN, HOW TO MARRY FOR MONEY, etc.) Anne Heche looks, sounds and acts
exactly like the celebrity actress of the same name, except that, as she continually points out, she's not Anne
Heche, she's Anne Heche. Indeed, this is her big problem in life.
As Dr. Bill shows her around, Anne begins to attract a growing crowd of students, who follow her through the
halls. They all have "her" book, Call Me Crazy, tucked under their arms. They keep asking if she's the real Anne
Heche, to which she testily responds that she's real and she's Anne Heche. What more do they want of her?
After showing Anne a few classrooms and introducing her to a couple of students and teachers (who unfailingly
12
ask if she's the real Anne Heche) Dr. Bill takes her to the school's biology lab, which is in fact a cosmetics and
beauty testing laboratory.
INT. - SCHOOL COSMETICS TESTING LAB - MORNING - CONT.
When Dr. Bill and Anne Heche enter the lab, they catch Olivia in the act of "borrowing" one of the test rabbits to
throw under the wheels of Bruce's hot BMW Z-car. (These poor lab bunnies are grotesque creatures: they all
have permed dyed fur, long fake eyelashes, lipstick, mascara, and gaping patches of red, raw skin.) Olivia
shoves the purloined bunny under her blouse and tries to sneak out of the lab with it. Noticing the bulge under
Olivia's blouse, Dr. Bill at first assumes that she must be pregnant. But when the rabbit peeks out its heavily
made-up head, he realizes that Olivia is a bunny-napper.
Olivia, thinking quickly, explains that she was only taking the animal to replace Loretta's late snake. Her poor sister, she explains, is beside herself with grief--possibly even suicidal. Dr. Bill tells Olivia that she's obviously a
good, concerned sister, but that stealing science rabbits is always wrong. He assures Olivia that he will call
Loretta in for an emergency session of intensive grief counseling. Olivia acts relieved and grateful, suggesting
that; "Loretta may need to be locked up for a long, long time--for her own safety, of course."
Then, as soon as Dr. Bill and Anne Heche have left the lab to continue their tour, Olivia snatches the rabbit
again and runs with it.
INT. - LORETTA'S BEDROOM - DAY - MEANWHILE
Loretta's other imaginary friend and mentor, JAMES TAYLOR, now pops into the scene. He's seen fire and he's
seen rain, but he's never seen any good coming from a dead snake. The two figments of Loretta's imagination,
Cat and Sweet Baby James, get into a nasty argument about who's a better imaginary friend to Loretta, an argument that ends only when Sophia comes in to inform Loretta that Dr. Bill has called from school and that she'd
better get her make-up on and get over to see him pronto.
EXT. - HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT - DAY - LATER
By now it's lunchtime and Bruce is climbing into his BMW to go over to Loretta's house to apologize for slaying
her snake. As he <PEELS> out of the school parking lot, Olivia throws the heavily made-up lab bunny under the
wheels of his car, but the poor creature is too swift. It manages to avoid being run over and escapes back into
the school building. Olivia is furious. Damn! Thwarted! She takes off after Bruce's car.
INT. - HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY - MEANWHILE
Loretta arrives at school and slouches glumly through the halls, dragging her "comfort" lawn chair behind her.
All the kids make mocking snake <HISSING> sounds at her-and it's not just the kids: Soon an announcement
comes over the loudspeaker from the principal himself, expressing how ssssss-orry he is about the lossssssss of
her sssssssss-nake and telling her to report to his office immediately for grief counseling.
EXT. - LORETTA'S HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - DAY - MEANWHILE
Bruce pulls up to Loretta's house, though of course Loretta is already gone. He's greeted instead by Sophia,
who goes into Mrs. Robinson overdrive, flirting shamelessly with the young man and inviting him in for an intimate champagne luncheon.
INT. - SCHOOL - DR. BILL'S OFFICE - DAY - MEANWHILE
Loretta is sitting in her lawn chair, which she prefers to Dr. Bill's analyst's couch. It's a strange counseling session because Anne Heche is also present. (Dr. Bill proudly explains to her that the school provides free therapy
for all its students.) As an example of his therapeutic acumen, he tells Loretta that snakes, of course, represent
13
penises in the unconscious. Obviously Loretta is mourning not for Fluffy, but for having been born without a
penis! Fluffy wasn't a pet, you see, he was a symptom. This brilliant interpretation provides little comfort for
Loretta. Then, speaking more to Anne Heche than to Loretta, Dr. Bill explains that not only does Loretta have
no penis, but she also has no father.
Anne then begins talking about her own father, whom she's convinced abused her as a child. (This is pathetic: In
her own therapy session Loretta can barely get a word in edgewise.) She drifts into a reverie, tuning out the
principal and Anne Heche:
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
INT. - LORETTA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY - 15 YEARS EARLIER
It's the scene of Dad going bonkers when the twins were infants. "You kids are driving me nuts!" screams Dad,
flicking a finger rapidly up and down across his lips like a cartoon madman, then being thrown into an old-fashioned strait jacket and dragged out of the house by two burly hospital attendants, never to be seen again.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE BACK TO:
INT. - SCHOOL - DR. BILL'S OFFICE - DAY - CONT.
When Loretta emerges from her reverie, Anne Heche is still babbling on, captivating Dr. Bill with her own problems with her dad. Loretta is confused. What about her? What about her dad? What about her dead snake?
INT. - LORETTA'S HOUSE - THE PRESENT - DAY - MEANWHILE
Sophia is sipping champagne with Bruce and unbuttoning her blouse to give him a lively show of singing, dancing cleavage. Bruce, however, is more intimidated than aroused by this bizarre display. He really just came to
apologize to Loretta. Sophia simply can't understand Bruce's interest in Loretta. "But she's such a skank, don't
you think, darling?"
EXT. - LORETTA'S HOUSE - THE PRESENT - DAY - CONT.
Olivia arrives at the house and immediately <UPCHUCKS> in the bushes. When the neighborhood dogs come
to lap it up she grabs one of them, with the intention of throwing it under the wheels of Bruce's car. But while
she's in the shrubbery vomiting, she spies her mother's seductive shenanigans going on inside. Olivia is
incensed--so incensed that she lets the dog escape and sneaks into the house to steal her mother's prized mink
coat, which she brings out and tucks under the wheels of Bruce's car. She then returns to the shrubbery to wait.
"That wicked slut has too much fur anyway!"
INT. - SCHOOL - DR. BILL'S OFFICE - DAY - MEANWHILE
Back at school, in Dr. Bill's office the principal/therapist is suggesting that Loretta replace Fluffy with a new, more
appropriate pet--maybe a pussy cat. Loretta runs out of the office, with Dr. Bill calling after her that if it will make
her feel any better about the whole penis thing, she can name the cat "Dick".
EXT. - LORETTA'S HOUSE - DAY - CONT.
Bruce comes tearing out of the house in horror. ("Hey, lady, put those things back!") He jumps into his car. As he
starts to pull out, he runs over the mink coat. Olivia leaps out of the shrubbery and screams: "Oh no, not
PUFFY!" She rushes over and pulls the crumpled coat out from under the tires, cradling it in her arms. “You ran
14
over my little puppy-wuppy!" she sobs. She throws herself into Bruce's arms. At first he's horrified and sympathetic. (He's having a bad day in the running-things-over department.) But as he's comforting Olivia he notices
that something isn't quite right: "Hey, wait a sec," he shrewdly observes, "Your dog's got buttons on it."
Just then Sophia comes running out of the house, her blouse still half-unbuttoned. She begins screaming at
Olivia for stealing and ruining her mink. Olivia, yelling "You old SLUT!" jumps into Bruce's car and tells him to get
the hell out of there, fast. They leave Sophia standing on the sidewalk, clutching the mangled mink to her heaving bosom and screaming that Bruce is OBVIOUSLY GAY.
INT. - SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY - MEANWHILE
The little lab bunny that escaped from under Bruce's wheels is peeking out from around a corner. Loretta, running out of Dr. Bill's office, comes down the hallway and trips over it. She picks it up and cuddles it. But at that
moment Dr. Bill and Anne Heche come down the hall. Naturally Dr. Bill assumes that Loretta has stolen the
bunny as a replacement for Fluffy. ("Boy, there's a lot of bunny-stealing around here," observes Anne Heche.)
Dr. Bill determines that Loretta will require some appropriate punishment/therapy.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. - SCHOOL - COSMETICS TESTING LAB - DAY - LATER
Loretta is sitting in a big cage in the Cosmetics Testing Lab, plastered with grotesque make-up, huge patches of
her hair falling out, etc. This is Loretta's punishment, fitting the crime of "stealing" a bunny.
Anne Heche peeks in. "Wow," says Anne, seeing the dolled-up Loretta in her cage. "Call me crazy, but isn't this
a weird punishment? Loretta blandly reassures her, "Oh, It's okay. I like being in the cage. Can I ask you a question though? Are you the real Anne Heche?" Anne sighs and rolls her eyes. "Look, I'm real and I'm Anne
Heche. You do the math."
"Oh, I hate math," says Loretta.
"Me too," says Anne. The girls bond over their mutual hatred of the Pythagorean Theorem and Anne offers to
release Loretta from her cage. But just as she's about to spring her new friend, in barges Olivia. She tells Anne
Heche "Go back to your spaceship! Freak!" then turns to blaming Loretta for ruining her life. "Look what you and
your stupid snake made me do!" she whines. "First you made me steal a bunny, then you made me LIE about it.
Then you made me steal Mom's mink and call her an old slut. And now you've totally ruined my chances with
Bruce with your little, 'Oh poor me and my dead snake' routine!"
WIPE TO:
EXT./INT. - LORETTA'S HOUSE - THAT EVENING
Bruce pulls up to the house in his BMW and hops out. When Olivia comes to the door she tells Bruce that
Loretta doesn't want to see him. Bruce says he can certainly understand that, but that maybe when Loretta sees
what he's brought her she'll change her mind. He produces a beautifully wrapped gift basket. "I'll take that," says
Olivia, snatching the basket.
"Is that that fag Bruce?" calls Sophia from the dining room, where she's already well into her evening's quota of
Cosmopolitans.
15
Olivia opens the basket and out pops a snake with a pink ribbon around its neck. "He's got a snake!" calls
Olivia.
"They've all got snakes," slurs Sophia.
Olivia thanks Bruce and promises that she'll tell Loretta about his gift. Bruce thanks her and heads back out to
his car.
Now Sophia launches into a long drunken tirade about the awfulness of men, while in the background we hear
the <SFX> of Olivia <BANGING, CUTTING, and SNIPPING> away.
Soon Loretta comes down the stairs and asks what's going on. (She's still wearing all the glop from the cosmetics lab.) Olivia emerges wearing a brand new pair of snake-skin shoes. "Oh Bruce just came by and gave me
these lovely pumps," she tells Loretta, proudly modeling the shoes. "Nice, huh? I guess he likes me."
"Yeah, and they match her purse!" observes Sophia drunkenly.
Loretta looks down at the shoes. From her POV each shoe has two beady black snake eyes and a split red
tongue <FLICKING> out of the tip of each toe.
Loretta shudders and slumps dejectedly up the stairs back to her room.
INT. - LORETTA'S BEDROOM - EVENING - CONT.
Loretta is sitting in her lawn chair, recounting the events of her day to James Taylor and Cat Stevens: Her
snake got run over. That was bad. But she may have made a new friend in Anne Heche, which is good. But
Anne Heche is nuts. That's bad. Then she got thrown into the rabbit cage. That was bad. But she got a free
make-over. Which was good. But Bruce likes Olivia, which is bad. Loretta begins to wonder if she should tell
Bruce that she likes him. Cat thinks that Loretta should go for it, but James is concerned that Loretta may not be
ready for a relationship. "What do you mean not ready?" snaps Cat. "It's now or never!" Taylor calls Stevens a
jerk, and the battle between Loretta's imaginary mentors escalates. She can't take it.
EXT. - LORETTA'S HOUSE - EVENING - CONT.
We pull back to an exterior shot of Loretta's house, from the POV of Bruce, who is sitting in his car. He sees
Loretta through her bedroom window, sitting in her lawn chair all alone, holding her hands over her ears and
screaming to her now-invisible mentors, "STOP FIGHTING! WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?"
INT. - LORETTA'S HOUSE - EVENING - CONT.
We ZOOM back up into the bedroom, where Loretta looks glumly into the camera, shakes her head, and recites
the mantra of her life: "This is SICK!"
FADE TO BLACK
END
16
other
sick
story ideas
"The Stalker"
A mysterious, disheveled middleaged man is hanging around San
Dinero High, trying to sneak a
peek at Loretta and Olivia. When
he starts following the girls home
after school, Olivia uses her cell
phone to call 911. The cops arrive
and nail the old creep at the front
door of the house, where Sophia
identifies him as none other than
Bert Swallow, the girls' father,
who has been in a mental institution ever since the twins were
toddlers. ("But you told us he was
dead," complains Olivia. "Well,
he's dead to me," Sophia
responds.) Loretta, who has
always assumed that she was the
cause of her father's disappearance--an idea her mother and sister have encouraged--is ecstatic
that her dad has returned. Now
maybe her life will turn out all
right after all! She begs her mother to let him stay.
We smash cut to Bert sitting at
the head of the table that
evening, carving a turkey and
thoroughly enjoying his role as
head of the family once again.
But things soon start to go sour,
as the girls begin fighting, Sophia
begins drinking, and all the old
chaos that drove Bert to the loony
bin resurfaces in spades. Faced
with the specter of having to deal
with his wife's insanity and his
daughters' teenage angst, Bert
goes crazier and crazier until ultimately he decides to check himself back into the asylum. For
Sophia and Olivia it's good riddance, but Loretta is heartbroken
as history repeats itself and she's
once again left fatherless in the
world, convinced that it's all her
fault.
"Survivor:
San Dinero"
Dr. Bill takes his San Dinero High
students to the local mall where,
following the classic CBS realityshow format, he divides his kids
into two tribes that will try to outwit, outlast and out-shop each
other. The kids fan out into the
mall to compete using such critical San Dinero survival skills as
shoplifting, underage purchase of
cigarettes and alcohol, sneaking
into movies, picking up hotties
and getting free make-overs.
Wandering through the mall,
Loretta runs into her mother and
grandmother, who are out together for a lovely afternoon of
shoplifting. (Grandma has some
of the lightest fingers in Southern
California.) The ladies decide to
pitch in and help Loretta with her
Survivor challenges. At each
round, everyone in Loretta's
tribe--especially Olivia--wants to
vote her off the mall, but thanks to
the efforts of Sophia and
Grandma, Loretta keeps winning
immunity and ultimately advances
until only she and Olivia are left in
the competition.
With the help of Mom and
Grandma, Loretta manages to
eliminate her sister. It looks like
she's finally been a winner for
once--until Olivia turns her in
(along with her mother and grandmother) to the mall security
guards for shoplifting.
"What's Wrong
with Bruce?"
One day at school Bruce impulsively kisses Loretta, which totally
freaks her out. She can't wrap her
head around the idea that a certi-
17
fied hottie and sweetheart like
Bruce Brewster could be interested in a certified skag and sickie
like herself, and she's terrified
that if she gets involved with him,
he'll just dump her and break her
heart. But on the other hand, if
there is something wrong with
Bruce--as there seems to be with
every other kid at San Dinero
High--then maybe they might
have a chance as a couple.
Olivia, too, wants to find out
what's wrong with Bruce, but for
the opposite reason: she's insulted that the handsome stud shows
no interest in her and she thinks
she'll feel better about the rejection if she can learn his sick
secret. So the sisters set out
together to discover what's wrong
with Bruce: Is he gay? Is he
transsexual? A serial killer? A
bed-wetter? A space alien?? Is
he French?
With the help of their friends,
Loretta and Olivia design a series
of clever traps which they hope
will reveal Bruce's secret sickness. Hoping to find out he's
transgendered, they sneak into
the Boys' Room to spy on him at
the urinal. Big thrill for Olivia, big
trauma for Loretta. Hoping to discover he's French, the girls strew
giant chunks of cheese in his
path, which he totally ignores. In
fact, in all cases Bruce keeps
turning out to be annoyingly normal. At last, both girls figure that if
he's proven normal then he'll be
expelled from San Dinero High,
which would suit each of them
just fine--Loretta because it would
spare her the heartbreak of being
dumped and Olivia because it
would spare her the awfulness of
feeling unattractive. The sisters
confront Dr. Bill with their findings
and the principal confirms their
suspicions: Bruce is indeed perfectly normal. But at San Dinero
high this condition makes him a
total freak, and so he qualifies for
the school, where, to the girls'
mutual dismay, he will remain.
"Diamonds are a
girl’s worst
enemy"
When Sophia suddenly becomes
obsessed with thoughts of her
ultimate death, she drags Loretta
and Olivia into her dark brooding
over whether to be cremated or
buried. The girls, of course, are
hardly up for such grim discussions, especially Loretta, who herself becomes hung up on fantasies not only of her mother's
demise, but her own as well. She
wonders whether she should be
frozen or stuffed by a taxidermist.
Then Sophia discovers a company that promises to take your cre-
mated ashes and, by subjecting
them to intense heat and pressure, turns you into . . . a diamond! The idea of an afterlife as
flashy jewelry, of course, appeals
immensely to Sophia, who hustles
the twins into the car for an immediate visit to the shop. There they
are shown a dazzling display of
the deceased as diamonds.
Sophia considers various stones
and settings. ("This just doesn't
go with my eyes," she complains
of one. "Don't worry, Mom, you're
not going to HAVE eyes," remarks
Olivia.) Finally Sophia selects a
setting, a lovely little bling-bling
memorial that the girls can wear
on their fingers. But naturally
Loretta and Olivia get into fight
about who will get to wear Mom.
Sophia, however, comes up with
a new obsession: How can she
be sure Grandma won't steal her
diamond remains? The kleptomaniacal old lady has already
made off with rugs and silverware
from Sophia's house. A diamond
would just be too tempting. She
decides to take the girls over to
Grandma's to have it out with the
old gal. But Loretta has now
developed a diamond phobia.
Every time she sees someone
wearing a diamond ring she is
reminded of death. And when
Grandma comes to the door
wearing a diamond necklace
Loretta freaks out and runs home.
18
"Loretta's Rare
Disease"
When Bruce casually asks Loretta
"Hey, how're ya feeling, babe?"
he inadvertently sends her into an
obsessive questioning of her
health that soon spirals out of
control into a host of psychosomatic symptoms: she suffers
hives, shortness of breath, warts
and finally the loss of her period.
Naturally everyone assumes
she's pregnant (and that Bruce is
the father). Sophia whisks Loretta
off to the gynecologist. After a
tense and terrible pelvic examination, the doctor concludes that
Loretta must have some horrible
rare undiscovered illness and
needs to be hospitalized immediately.
donate her heart to Olivia. "I need
a decent heart," she whines. "I'm
prettier than you are, plus I dress
better." Sophia barges in and
remarks, "Geez, Liv, she missed
one period and you want to rip
her heart out? That's pretty
harsh." Loretta is grateful to her
mom for taking her side for once,
but the prospect of having her
heart removed snaps her out of
her symptoms, which suddenly all
disappear. But instead of cheering
her remarkable recovery, everyone loses interest in Loretta and
turns their attention to "poor
Olivia," showering the wicked sister with flowers, teddy bears and
chocolates.
In the hospital Loretta is besieged
by fantastic terrors, hallucinations,
and a visit from the Make A Wish
Foundation lady. Bruce rushes to
Loretta's bedside, which of course
confirms Olivia's suspicion that
he's the father, making her livid
with jealousy. Olivia retaliates by
concocting a whole battery of fake
symptoms to deflect attention
from her sick sister. She decides
that her heart is broken and that
since Loretta is obviously at
death's door, Loretta should
19
sick bios
KIMBERLY FOSTER
was a creative consultant on Hi 5, the hit Australian TV show now being broadcast on The Learning Channel
and Discovery Kids. She is the author of the children's book A Dolphin Up a Tree! She is the Artistic Director of
Magic Bridge Theatre Company, where she writes and produces her own shows in Manhattan. The original idea
of Sick is based on her own family life and on her adored sister who is very much like the main character,
Loretta, in real life. She lives in New York City with her husband, David J. Foster, who produces crazy live shows
such as Puppetry of the Penis.
RICHARD LIEBMANN-SMITH
was co-developer, head writer and story editor of the animated series The Tick (Fox, Comedy Central), for which
he received an Annie Award for Outstanding Individual Achievement for Writing and an Emmy nomination for
Outstanding Achievement in Animation. He has been a story editor on Disney's Hercules (ABC), Executive Story
Consultant on George and Martha (HBO), and Executive Story Editor on The Cramp Twins (Cartoon Network
UK, Fox Box). His humorous writings have appeared frequently in The New Yorker, Smithsonian Magazine and
The New York Times. He lives in New York City with Joan, his wife; Rebecca, his daughter; and Tinkerbelle, his
half-dog, half-cat, half-human, half-insect.
Andy Suriano
has worked as a Character Designer and Storyboard Artist for Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, Comedy Central,
and Sony on shows such as Samurai Jack, Star Wars: Clone Wars, Power Puff Girls and Fairly Odd Parents.
He’s been an illustrator in the field of comics for both DC and Image. He designed all elements of the Fox LiveAction television special, The Rudy Coby Show, as well as its world-touring counterpart. Andy’s illustration
clients include Little Ceasar’s Enterprises, Michigan State Lottery, Ski-Doo, K-Mart, Ford, GM, BMW and Stroh
Brewery Company. Andy hails from Detroit, Michigan and his fine art can be seen throughout the world. He is
also the voice of his own cartoon character on Dexter’s Laboratory.
20
21
loretta
olivia
sophia
dad
grandma lilly
Dr. Bill
paula
bruce
tim
hunter and bacon