From Here to Insanity

 From Here to Insanity Producers Mike & Erin Paluch Producers' Assistant Cindy Yesko Directors Mick Bradford & Christine Hickey Directors' Assistant Sally Petterson Written by: Jorge Alonso Rose Marie Iffland Tony Rutkowski Ed Berry Karen Marino Katie Wilcox Margie Figgins Lisa Mergens Amy Zima Bob Herguth Scott Miller The 58th Annual Field School Variety Show March 9, 2012 7:00 p.m. March 10, 2012 7:00 p.m. March 11, 2012 2:00 p.m. March 16, 2012 7:00 p.m. March 17, 2012 7:00 p.m. March 18, 2012 2:00 p.m. Tryout Sunday January 8, 2012 in the Field School Auditorium Coffee at 12:30. Tryouts at 1:00pm SHARP! Newcomers Welcome to the V-­‐Show! No experience required, and you decide how involved you want to be. You’re going to love the show and make a ton of friends along the way. Newcomer Brunch -­‐ All Welcome! Tryout Sunday, January 8th at 10:30 am Co-­‐hosted by: George and Jolanta Tolczyk & Tim & Sally Mauery At the home of the Tolczyk 612 Austin Park Ridge Please RSVP to Sally Mauery (847) 384-­‐8129 or Jola Jonak Tolczyk (847) 384-­‐1870 [email protected] or [email protected] Thespians -­‐ New & Old If you would like a part in the show but can't make it to tryouts, please call Erin or Mike at 847-­‐685-­‐5055 or e-­‐mail us at: [email protected] We must have your information before tryouts so casting can be completed Visit www.fieldpto.org for more V-­‐Show Information 58th Annual Field School Variety Show Production Team Producers: Erin and Mike Paluch Producers' Assistant: Cindy Yesko Directors: Mick Bradford & Christine Hickey Directors' Assistant: Sally Petterson Scriptors: Music Team: Dance Team: Song Choregraphy: Tryout Coordinators: Set Design & Construction: Costume Designers: Props: Tech Deck, Sound & Graphic Coordinator: Back Stage: Makeup Coordinators: Prompter: Jorge Alonso, Ed Berry, Margie Figgins, Bob Herguth, Rose Marie Iffland, Karen Marino Lisa Mergens, Scott Miller, Tony Rutkowski, Katie Wilcox, Amy Zima Jeff Cardella, Caren Edsey, Karen Finn, Mike Paxhia, Kari Rutkowski BMTE! Cheryl Breslin, Amy Cardella, Lisa Crampton, Melissa Nelson Amy Breaux, Amy Hogue Sally Petterson, Cindy Yesko Mike Donovan, Scott Miller Ron Elmgren, Ken Asson Jenny Maloney,Threasa Vos Sara Latrelle, Rita LeMieux Cindy Davenport Dave Iffland, Gerry Sliwicki Joyce Cannon, Mary Gallagher TBD Carol Bartkowicz Business Team Treasurer: Ticket Sales: Ad Book Layout: Tim Mauery Ad Book Production: Logo Design: Outside Sign: Video: Photography & Web Master: T-­‐shirt Sales: Concessions: Publicity: Sally Mauery, Beth O’Driscoll Ed Crosby Bob Trahan TBD John Yesko Noreen Howlett, Michelle Rojo Cindy Kuh Claudia Nash Ad Team Coordinators: Carrie Bradford Debbie Brown, Sarah Marcucci Rocky Daehler, Dave Figgins, Kevin Hubbell, Sally Mauery, Tim Mauery Entertainment Newcomer Coordinators: Alumni Coordinators: Marathon Dinner: Banquet: Awards: Collage: Cast Parties: Fall Kickoff Party Hosts: Hospitality: Washington Party: Washington Tickets: Winter Outing: Graduate Coordinator: Spring Outing: Tim & Sally Mauery and George& Jola Jonak Tolczyk Diana & Declan Stapleton, Leslie & Brian Couty Maria Rendina Debbie Kelly, Kate Lewis Leanne Berry & Anita Paxhia Martha Rode Luther Thomas & Kevin Mergens Mike & Erin Paluch Andrea Taalman, Melanie Elmgren Rocky & Laura Daehler Rocky & Laura Daehler Donna Donovan Donna Donovan Mike & Erin Paluch To our fantabulous script team of “From Here To Insanity” We can’t thank you enough for the most incredible journey we have ever embarked on. You explored all realms of imagination and gave us a show that will live on in infamy. It was just Spring of 2011 that we started with a blank page. You thoughtfully and carefully choose a theme that everyone agreed on putting together the best script EVER! Water balloon fights, Bozo Buckets, picnics on the living room floor. Party Boy, you and your musical sidekick will always bring a smile to our faces (or maybe someone passed gas). You all have become like family to us and we still miss our MOIST Thursday nights kicking around fun ideas and having a great time. With all our love, Mike & Erin
Synopsis This is a story that starts simply enough on Our Hero’s walk to work. As with MOIST days, our Hero is dealt a bad bit of luck. Nothing is going right in his world as our Hero begins his journey From Here To Insanity. Our Hero gets fired from his job, loses the love of his life and ends up sitting in a coffee shop contemplating what he should do next. Our Hero decides to follow his dream of making a movie and works on a script to send in to Project Greenlight a production company that picks a winning script once a year and makes someone’s dream come true. Our Hero is disillusioned by all the bad luck, he crumples up the script he worked so hard on and gives up on any chance to win. His friend Nadine picks up the crumpled script and submits it for the competition. Our Hero finds himself at Sunday dinner with his family when he gets the call from Project Greenlight telling him “ He Won” Insanity ensues with producers, directors, actors, and family all “Play a Role” in bringing Our Hero’s dream to life. In the end, we find Our Hero’s life take a turn for the best. When we listen to the whispers (or in our Hero’s case) the screams of our purpose in the life., we should always go with our heart.
Special Tryouts Agador Spartacus
Albert and Armand Goldman's Bulter
Ari
agent , "Entourage"
Aunt Cici
Joey's aunt - make up artist
Ben Affleck
Project Greenlight co-sponser
Chas Bono
red carpet reporter (Cher's son)
Cher
red carpet reporter
Cousin Vinnie
Joey's cousin
Dwight
from "The Office"
Joey D'agostino
Project Greenlight Winner
Kelly Osbourne
actress, Ozzy's kid director
Larry David
film's director - "Curb Your Enthusiasm"
Lindsey Lohan
ex-con actress
Lumberg
Joey's nemisis - "Office Space"
Matt Damon
Project Greenlight co-sponser
Mamma Rose
Joey's mother
Megan
Joey's ex-girlfriend
Nadine
Joey's muse - SNL character
Paulie Walnuts
Joey's uncle
Peewee Herman
dolly-grip/ stage nerd
Shannen Doherty
snotty actress from "Charmed"
Super Dog
Tori Spelling
coffee barrista (aka "Sixteen Candles"
ditsy director from "Tori and Dean…
Character Descriptions Character Name Acting Coach Male/Female Character Description TBD transition Actor 1 Actor 2 Agador Spartacus TBD TBD M acting extra acting extra Albert and Armand Goldman's Bulter Albert Annoying Fred Anthony Michael Hall M M M Neighbor Of Larry David Character "The Birdcage" Auditioning for Movie inspited by Youtube Sensation Washed up Character inspired from Sixteen Candles Ari Armand Ashton Kutcher M M M agent , "Entourage" Wife of Albert Inspired from birdcage actor -­‐ Demi's ex Aunt Cici Austin Powers Bear Belinda Carlisle Ben Affleck Bo Jangles (Location Dir) BoJangles Double Bonnie Tyler Brad Charlie Sheen Chas Bono Cher Coffee Freak Cousin Vinnie Crystall Ball Damone David Hasselhoff Debbie Gibson Demi Lovato Demi Moore Dionne Warwick Dottie Dr. Mark Sloan Dr. Troy Dude Dwight Emilio Esteves Eve Plum F M TBD F M M M F M M M F TBD M F M M F F F F F M M M M M F Joey's aunt -­‐ make up artist spy-­‐ man of mystery office worker (aka Geico commercial) coffee shop poet Project Greenlight co-­‐sponser locations director side kick coffee shop poet shop patron "Fast Times…" shop patron "2 1/2 Men" red carpet reporter (Cher's son) red carpet reporter shop patron (aka Tweak from South Park) Joey's cousin psychic actress shop ptron "Fast Times…" washed up actor "Baywatch" coffee shop poet try out actress actress Ashton's ex head psychic office receptionist movie set medic plastic surgeon The Big Lebowski from "The Office" from "The Breakfast Club" as Jan Brady Character Descriptions Character Name Male/Female Character Description Frank-­‐ Joeys Father Freddie Benson Gary Busey Girl 4 Girl 5 Grace Gwyneth Paltro Human Chairs Jennifer Hewitt Joanie Joe Pesci M M M F F F F TBD F F M Joey's Father from I-­‐Carly washed up actor red carpet fan red carpet fan secretary from "Ferris Bueller" as Pepper Potts from "Iron Man" for casting director psychic from "Ghost Whisperer" from "Happy Days" red carpet actor Joey D'agostino John Jackman (Dir of Photog) John Jackman Double Judd Nelson Kate Perry Kelly Osbourne M M M M F F Project Greenlight Winner filmmaker side kick from 'The Breakfast Club" singer actress, Ozzy's kid Khloe Kardashian Kiefer Sutherland Kim Kardashian F M F reality show star from "24" reality show star Kourtney Kardashian Kristen (Casting Dir) LaRouche LaRouche Double Larry David Linda Carter Lindsey Lohan Lorna (Ari's Asst) Lumberg Mack McQue Mack Mcque Double Mamma Rose Maria D'Agostino Matt Damon Maury Balwstein Maxine Shoebox Megan Michelle Bachman Mimi F F M M M F F F M M M F F M M F F F F reality show star mean casting director costume designer side kick film's director -­‐ "Curb Your Enthusiasm" Wonder Woman ex-­‐con actress Ari's Asst. Joey's nemisis -­‐ "Office Space" key grip/ electronics side kick Joey's mother Joey's sister Project Greenlight co-­‐sponser Joey's lawyer friend of Joey's mom Joey's ex-­‐girlfriend GOP presidential lackey receptionist from "Drew Carey Show Character Descriptions Character Name Male/Female Character Description Molly Ringwald Mr. Hand Mr. Whipple Nadine F M M F washed up actress teacher from "Fast Times…" office kiss-­‐up Joey's muse -­‐ SNL character Natalie Portman Nick Nolte Nonie F M F actress from"Black Swan" washed up actor Joey's grandmother Operator Orbit Girl Oswald F F M off-­‐stage voice chewing gum spokesperson Joey's co-­‐worker Papa Paris Hilton Paulie Walnuts Peewee Herman Person 1 Person 2 Person 3 Person Leaving with Ari Potsie Ralph Richie Right Said Fred Robt. Downey Jr. Ross the Intern Ryan Seacrest Sally Fieldsgood Sean Penn Security Shannen Doherty Slatkey Starvin Marvin Super Dog Susan Vega Susana Hoff Tank Tony D'Agostino Tori Spelling Tori's Asst. Trixie Two Ghost Guys M F M M TBD TBD TBD TBD M M M M M M M F M TBD F M M TBD F F TBD M F F F M Joey's grandfather washed up reality star Joey's uncle dolly-­‐grip/ stage nerd red carpet fan red carpet fan red carpet fan Ari's asst. coffee shop patron from 'Happy Days" coffee shop patron from 'Happy Days" coffee shop patron from 'Happy Days" one hit wonder from "Ironman" Llyod from"Entourage" red carpet host diretor's asst. from "Fast Times…" red carpet cop snotty actress from "Charmed" office worker (aka SNL's Wild n' Crazy Guy" South Park character coffee barrista (aka "Sixteen Candles") coffee shop poet coffee shop poet location asst. Joey's brotheer ditsy director from "Tori and Dean…" Tori's lackey friend of Joey's mom Follow Ghost Whisperer around Acting Coach
TBD
Actor 1
TBD
1
Actor 2
TBD
0
M
8
Albert
M
1
Annoying Fred
M
Anthony Michael Hall
M
Ari
M
Armand
M
Ashton Kutcher
M
Aunt Cici
F
Austin Powers
M
1
1
0
1
9
1
2
2
1
1
8
1
3
12
2
2
1
1
4
TBD
Total
Act 2 Scene 4
1
Agador Spartacus
Bear
Act 2 Tran 2
Act 2 Scene 3
Act 2 Scene 2
Act 2 Tran 1
Act 2 Scene 1
Act 1 Scene 5
Act 1 Tran 5
Act 1 Scene 4
Act 1 Tran 4
Act 1 Scene 3
Act 1 Tran 3
Act 1 Scene 2
Act 1 Tran 2
Act 1 Scene 1
Act 1 Tran 1
Prologue
M/F
haracter
Character Line Count 1
0
5
1
1
0
0
Belinda Carlisle
F
Ben Affleck
M
Bo Jangles (Location Dir)
BoJangles Double
Bonnie Tyler
F
1
1
Brad
M
1
1
Charlie Sheen
M
1
Chas Bono
M
5
5
Cher
F
4
4
1
1
7
5
12
M
6
6
M
0
0
1
Coffee Freak
TBD
Cousin Vinnie
M
Crystall Ball
F
Damone
M
David Hasselhoff
M
Debbie Gibson
F
Demi Lovato
F
Demi Moore
F
Dionne Warwick
F
Dottie
F
Dr. Mark Sloan
M
Dr. Troy
M
Dude
M
Dwight
M
Emilio Esteves
M
Eve Plum
F
Frank- Joeys Father
M
Freddie Benson
M
Gary Busey
M
Girl 4
F
2
2
Girl 5
F
1
1
Grace
Gwyneth Paltro as
Pepper Potts
Human Chairs
F
1
1
3
1
3
7
1
1
1
1
2
2
1
1
1
1
1
1
3
3
2
2
2
2
1
1
1
3
3
1
1
2
2
4
4
2
2
3
3
3
3
F
1
TBD
1
0
Jennifer Hewitt
F
Joanie
F
Joe Pesci
M
Joey
John Jackman (Dir of
Photography)
John Jackman Double
M
Judd Nelson
M
Kate Perry
F
1
Kelly Osbourne
F
1
Khloe Kardashian
F
Kiefer Sutherland
M
Kim Kardashian
F
0
3
3
1
5
12
1
0
9
1
13
6
2
2
2
9
56
M
6
6
M
0
0
1
1
1
2
1
1
3
1
3
3
1
Total
Act 2 Scene 4
Act 2 Tran 2
Act 2 Scene 3
Act 2 Scene 2
Act 2 Tran 1
Act 2 Scene 1
Act 1 Scene 5
Act 1 Tran 5
Act 1 Scene 4
Act 1 Tran 4
Act 1 Scene 3
Act 1 Tran 3
Act 1 Scene 2
Act 1 Tran 2
Act 1 Scene 1
Act 1 Tran 1
Prologue
M/F
Character
Kourtney Kardashian
F
Kristen (Casting Dir)
F
4
4
LaRouche
M
2
2
LaRouche Double
M
1
Larry David
M
Linda Carter
F
Lindsey Lohan
F
Lorna (Ari's Asst)
F
Lumberg
M
Mack McQue
M
3
3
Mack Mcque Double
M
0
0
Mamma Rose
F
6
Maria Joeys Sister
F
3
Matt Damon
M
Maury Balwstein
M
Maxine Shoebox
F
Megan
F
Michelle Bachman
F
Mimi
F
Molly Ringwald
F
1
1
Mr. Hand
M
2
2
Mr. Whipple
M
Nadine
F
Natalie Portman
F
Nick Nolte
M
Nonie
F
Operator
F
Orbit Girl
F
Oswald
M
Papa
M
Paris Hilton
F
Paulie Walnuts
M
Peewee Herman
M
1
1
3
1
8
1
1
12
1
3
1
4
3
3
5
?
1
2
6
8
3
4
4
8
2
2
13
13
0
?
1
2
1
2
2
2
2
2
9
2
11
1
1
2
2
4
4
6
6
1
2
1
2
1
3
4
3
3
4
3
7
1
1
Person 1
TBD
1
1
Person 2
TBD
1
1
Person 3
TBD
1
1
Person Leaving with Ari
TBD
0
0
Potsie
M
1
1
Ralph
M
1
1
Richie
M
1
Right Said Fred
Robt. Downey Jr. as
Ironman
Ross the Intern
M
M
0
0
Ryan Seacrest
M
4
4
Sally Fieldsgood
F
Sean Penn
M
Security
1
2
M
2
1
1
7
7
1
1
TBD
Shannen Doherty
F
Slatkey
M
Starvin Marvin
M
1
1
2
1
3
3
3
Super Dog
TBD
5
Susan Vega
F
1
Susana Hoff
F
1
1
1
2
7
1
1
Tank (Location Asst)
TBD
Tony (Joeys Brother
M
Tori Spelling
F
6
Tori's Asst.
F
2
Trixie
F
2
2
Two Ghost Guys
M
0
0
3
3
2
2
1
6
1
1
15
2
Note From Directors Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! You have taken the first step towards 58 years of fun, friendship and a lifetime of memories! This is a show created by the parents; it’s full with history and tradition. This show is an excellent avenue to meet other families, and forge new friendships! Plus: THE CHILDREN ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! In an effort to simplify and acknowledge the time demands, while promoting PARTICIPATION, we have created a new improved practice schedule!! We’d like to invite you to carefully look over the time modules and choose what suits your schedule-­‐
best! Keep in mind, some song’s, dances or scenes may have extra practice times.... Most importantly!! We’ve arranged food, drinks and television for your tummy and football needs. Please recognize this show requires so much love, planning, writing and very hard work – it is a continuous process throughout the year. Every person here is volunteering their time, keeping that in mind: This is the culmination of an entire year's worth of laborious love. We have 7 short weeks of fun and memories to make while we make this the best show ever! See you on Tryout Sunday! Chrissy and Mick A note about the new rehearsal schedule:
We are really excited about the new schedule this year. After many years of confusion, missed
rehearsals, not knowing where and when you’re on stage, HELP!!!!! Need we go on? This
schedule will allow you to select a part, a part and a song, and or a dance without killing
yourself on Sundays!
The Rehearsal schedule is based on character parts grouped together so you will not need to
run back and forth to the school…song rehearsal will now take place on stage during your
scene NOT in the music room.
Dance rehearsal will take place during the scene rehearsal and you will get up on stage by
the third week. Dancers,,,, you can now pick a part to play and not run into problems with your
scene rehearsal taking priority.
Carefully look at the schedule; we will run through the show in sequential order on on Feb 19th.
Bring a fun tradition! Feb 26th we ask for your costume to be prepared and worn on stage for
alumni Sunday!!
We hope you have a great time this year, we are honored to produce such an amazing show and
are grateful to everyone involved! Casting sheets and dance signup sheets are included at the end
of the script.
See you at tryout Sunday!
Mike & Erin
Scene Rehearsal Schedule
11:30 a.m.
12:00 p.m.
Act 1 Opener
Act 1 Scene 1
12:30 p.m.
1:00 p.m.
1:30 p.m.
2:00 p.m.
2:30 p.m.
Act 1 Scene 2
Act 2 Scene 4
Act 2 Closer
Act 1 Scene 5
Act 1 Closer
ZUIT SUIT ROIT
Dance
12:00 to 12:40
Character
Bear
Dottie
Dwight
Joey
Lumberg
Mimi
Mr. Whipple
Oswald
Slatkey
Character
Anthony Michael Hall
Ashton Kutcher
Belinda Carlisle
Bonnie Tyler
Brad
Charlie Sheen
Coffee Freak
Damone
Debbie Gibson
Demi Moore
Emilio Esteves
Joanie
Joey
Judd Nelson
Molly Ringwald
Mr. Hand
Nadine
Potsie
Ralph
Richie
Sean Penn
Super Dog
Susan Vega
Susana Hoff
Character
Agador Spartacus
Albert
Ari
Armand
Dude
Gary Busey
Khloe Kardashian
Kim Kardashian
Kourtney Kardashian
Larry David
Lindsey Lohan
Nick Nolte
Character
Agador Spartacus
Chas Bono
Cher
Dr. Troy
Girl 4
Girl 5
Joe Pesci
Joey
Larry David
Lumberg
Megan
Nadine
Natalie Portman
Orbit Girl
Person 1
Person 2
Person 3
Ross the Intern
Ryan Seacrest
Security
Starvin Marvin
Super Dog
Tori Spelling
Paris Hilton
Person Leaving with Ari
Tori Spelling
“Aquarius”
Song
“That’s Life”
Song
“Brandy”
3:00 p.m.
3:30 p.m.
4:00 p.m.
4:30 p.m.
5:00 p.m.
5:30 p.m.
Act 2 Opener
Act 2 Scene 2
Act 2 Scene 1
Act 1 Scene 3
That’s Amore/Man’s
Dance
4:10 to 4:30
Act 1 Scene 4
Act 2 Scene 3
TELEPHONE Dance
4:40 to 5:00
I WANT MONEY
5:00 TO 5:20.
Wild Child Dance
3:30 to 3:50
WILD CHILD dance
Character
Aunt Cici
Austin Powers
David Hasselhoff
Demi Lovato
Eve Plum
Gwyneth Paltro
asPepper Potts
Kelly Osbourne
Kiefer Sutherland
Larry David
Lindsey Lohan
Robt. Downey Jr.
as Ironman
Shannen Doherty
Tori Spelling
Song
“Boogie Shoes”
“You Can’t Stop the
Beat”
Character
Annoying Fred
Crystall Ball
Dionne Warwick
Freddie Benson
Jennifer Hewitt
Joey
Kate Perry
Kelly Osbourne
Linda Carter
Mamma Rose
Maxine Shoebox
Michelle
Bachman
Right Said Fred
Sally Fieldsgood
Shannen
Doherty
Trixie
Two Ghost Guys
Song
“Got a Dream”
Song
Sir Duke
“Tonight, Tonight”
I WANT MONEY dance
Character
Aunt Cici
Cousin Vinnie
Frank- Joeys
Father
Joey
Mamma Rose
Maria Joeys
Sister
Nonie
Papa
Paulie Walnuts
Tony (Joeys
Brother
Song
That’s Amore/Man’s
Dance
Character
Name
Ari
Aunt Cici
Ben Affleck
Cousin
Vinnie
Grace
Joey
Lorna (Ari's
Asst)
Matt
Damon
Peewee
Herman
Tori
Spelling
Tori's Asst.
Song
“Midnight
Confessions”
Character
Actor 1
Actor 2
Ari
Ben Affleck
Bo Jangles (Location
Dir)
BoJangles Double
Dr. Mark Sloan
Human Chairs
John Jackman (Dir of
Photograhy)
John Jackman Double
Kristen (Casting Dir)
LaRouche
LaRouche Double
Mack McQue
Mack Mcque Double
Matt Damon
Maury Balwstein
Tank (Location Asst)
Tori Spelling
Song
“Midnight Hour”
Scene Order for Show Note: We will NOT use this till dress rehearsal March 4thl!
Act 1 Opener
Act 1 Scene 1
Act 1 Scene 2
Act 1 Scene 3
WIND DANCE
ZOOT SUIT ROIT
Dance
That’s Amore/Man’s
Dance
Character
Bear
Dottie
Dwight
Joey
Lumberg
Mimi
Mr. Whipple
Oswald
Slatkey
Act 2 Opener
Act 2 Scene 1
Wild Child Dance
Character
Annoying Fred
Crystall Ball
Dionne Warwick
Freddie Benson
Jennifer Hewitt
Joey
Kate Perry
Kelly Osbourne
Linda Carter
Mamma Rose
Maxine Shoebox
Michelle
Bachman
Right Said Fred
Sally Fieldsgood
Shannen
Doherty
Trixie
Two Ghost Guys
Character
Anthony Michael Hall
Ashton Kutcher
Belinda Carlisle
Bonnie Tyler
Brad
Charlie Sheen
Coffee Freak
Damone
Debbie Gibson
Demi Moore
Emilio Esteves
Joanie
Joey
Judd Nelson
Molly Ringwald
Mr. Hand
Nadine
Potsie
Ralph
Richie
Sean Penn
Super Dog
Susan Vega
Susana Hoff
Act 2 Scene 2
THAT’S AMORE
DANCE
Character
Aunt Cici
Austin Powers
David Hasselhoff
Demi Lovato
Eve Plum
Gwyneth Paltro
asPepper Potts
Kelly Osbourne
Kiefer Sutherland
Larry David
Lindsey Lohan
Robt. Downey Jr.
as Ironman
Shannen Doherty
Tori Spelling
Character
Aunt Cici
Cousin Vinnie
Frank- Joeys
Father
Joey
Mamma Rose
Maria Joeys
Sister
Nonie
Papa
Paulie Walnuts
Tony (Joeys
Brother
Act 2 Scene 3
Act 1 Scene 4
TELEPHONE Dance
PEE WEE DANCE
Character
Name
Ari
Aunt Cici
Ben Affleck
Cousin
Vinnie
Grace
Joey
Lorna (Ari's
Asst)
Matt
Damon
Peewee
Herman
Tori
Spelling
Tori's Asst.
Act 2 Scene 4
MONEY DANCE
Actor 1
Actor 2
Ari
Ben Affleck
Bo Jangles (Location
Dir)
BoJangles Double
Dr. Mark Sloan
Human Chairs
John Jackman (Dir of
Photograhy)
John Jackman Double
Kristen (Casting Dir)
LaRouche
LaRouche Double
Mack McQue
Mack Mcque Double
Matt Damon
Maury Balwstein
Tank (Location Asst)
Tori Spelling
Act 1 Scene 5
Character
Agador Spartacus
Albert
Ari
Armand
Dude
Gary Busey
Khloe Kardashian
Kim Kardashian
Kourtney Kardashian
Larry David
Lindsey Lohan
Nick Nolte
Paris Hilton
Person Leaving with Ari
Tori Spelling
Act 2 Closer
.
Character
Agador Spartacus
Chas Bono
Cher
Dr. Troy
Girl 4
Girl 5
Joe Pesci
Joey
Larry David
Lumberg
Megan
Nadine
Natalie Portman
Orbit Girl
Person 1
Person 2
Person 3
Ross the Intern
Ryan Seacrest
Security
Starvin Marvin
Super Dog
Tori Spelling
Act 1 Closer
Act 1 Prologue The Walk Opener “Insanity” Song Scene One Scene Two Call of Duty Toilet Paper Company “Quit Fired” Song Coffee Shop “Zuit Suit Riot” Dance “Joey ( You’re A Writer )” Song Scene Three Sunday Dinner Men’s Dance and Song “Big Break” Song and Dance Scene Four Meeting with Producers/Directors “Telephone” Dance “Project Greenlight” Song Scene Five Very LA Production Meeting Closer “Sir Duke” Song Act 2 Scene One Auditions Opener “You Can’t Stop the Show” Song “Wild Child” Dance “Cast This Scene” Song Scene Two The Rehearsal “Actin’ Groove” Song Scene Three Scene Four Budget Meeting “I Want Money” Dance “Were Going To Make This Show A Winner” Song Leaving the Academy Awards Closer “Tonight, Tonight” Song Prologue Scene Description: Joey is walking to work. Characters Joey Operator Spotlight on Joey. Lights on apron where the Operator sits. Joey is walking down the street (aisle) all gray and hapless. His umbrella has lost the fabric. His briefcase spills. He is making a phone call and trying to make a reservation for he and his girlfriend to vacation at a Sandals Resort. Operator: Main Menu....Para Espanol....oprime o diga dos. (Pause) For English....press or say one... Joey: (Annoyed) Sandals! Sandals! Reservation PLEASE! Reservaciones por favor! Operator: Password not recognized. Main Menu....para Espanol oprime o diga dos. (Pause) For English....press or say one. Joey: Really? Today of all days? Really? Are you kidding me? Heeeelllooo, Shalom, Aloha, HOLA. Operator: Did you say wake up call? Joey: (Looking at phone) You need to wake up! Operator: I am wide awake. Joey: (Still Looking at phone) I knew you weren't a computer. Operator: Sorry we are not hiring right now. Shalom! Joey: Shalom? (frustrated) Manager, supervisor, anybody but you!! Operator: Please hold. (waits a couple of seconds then pick up the phone) I'm sorry I do not recognize your command. Goodbye. Lights Out. Opener -­‐ "Aquarius" Transition 1: Wirlwind dance to Wizard of OZ. (dress as wind). Twirling dropping of piles of work, notes, messages, etc. (7-­‐10 seconds) Act 1, Scene 1 Scene Description: In the office of Call of Duty Toilet Paper Company. Characters Mimi Dottie Slatkey Joey Dwight Lumberg Oswald (UPS guy/friend of Joey's) Mr. Whipple Bear Lights on Everybody is busy working. Dottie: (Answering the telephone) Call of Duty Toilet Paper Company. (sarcastic) Can you please hold it? Call of Duty Toilet Paper, making YOUR business our business for over 50 years. Call of Duty Toilet Paper Company, your number 2 is our number 1 priority. Call of Duty..Yes, Sir…Your duty…Yes, Sir… Is our Duty…Right Away Sir. As Soon as he pops in. (Joey Walks In). (To Joey) You're late! The Big Guy has been looking for you. Joey: Must have made another SMOOTH MOVE! (Acting Proud of Himself) (Joey walks to his desk. He tries to hang up his coat but it falls to the ground. He shrugs his shoulders. Goes to get coffee but the pots empty) Lumberg: (Enters the Office, Approaches Joey) Ahh...nice of you to join us this morning. Listen, I'm going to need those numbers for the IBS reports by noon. I'm also going to need the West Coast Sales Data compiled and collated by the end of the day. Chop, chop. Get to it. That would be great. Joey: I've got stinkin' PILES of them right here. I mean LOADS of 'em. (Lumberg begins to walk away, then comes back) Lumberg: And Joey...my projections are due next Monday. I'm going to need you to work late all this week and for a few hours on Saturday. You don't mind, do you? I didn't think so. (turns to Mr. Whipple who was eavedropping and squeezing Charmin.) Hello, Mr. Whipple. Mr. Whipple: Good Morning, Mr. Lumberg. Happy Birthday to you, sir! Lumberg: (Looking at Joey) Nice of someone to remember my very special day! Dwight: So much for your Smooth Moves. Looks like making partner is going to take you longer than you thought. (Walks out of office) Joey: (Sarcastically)Thanks for the heads up Dottie. You've got the ememies part of FRENEMIES down pat. Dottie: Call of Duty Toilet Paper Comany. I am going to leave you hanging but our paper won't. Oh yes, which salesperson was helping you? Alonso, Berry, Figgins, Herguth, Iffland, Lumberg, Marino, Mergens, Milller, Rutkowski, Wilcox or Zima? Ok, I'll put you through to Lumberg, (looks sarcastically at Joey) Just so you know, It's his birthday today be sure to give him a nice birthday wish. (Slatkey is approaching and addresses Joey) Slatkey: Hello you wild and crazy party rockin' dude. I have many question for you. Joey: Slatkey, I don't have time for this. Slatkey: Joey, I only going ask you one more time. When you be coming with me down de the disco? We have party good time, schmooze de chicks and get down with our bad selves to de disco beat. I say Play that Funky Music White Boys. Joey: Now is not a good time. Slatkey: Whatever dude. This will be being your loss. I will have to manage chicks all by self. It is hard job but someone need to do it. Might as well be me. (Dwight Returns) Joey: What do you want now, Dwight? Dwight: I would like to marry a Romulan. But until intergalactic space travel is perfected, I'll just settle for you completing these IBS reprts by the end of the day. (Drops a stack of reprts onto Joey's Desk) Joey: Come on Dwight. I'm already backed up with the reports for Lumberg. Dwight: Too bad. Besides, they are easy to finish. Even a bear could do it. (The Bear picks up his head.) Mimi enters, All gussied up, very bright and colorful with a very painted face. Mimi: (To Joey). There's something different about you today. Back on the prune Juice? Joey: Hey Mimi, can you give me a hand with these BM charts? Mimi: You don't need any help. You're already on a roll. Joey: Hey, Mr. Whipple, aren't you on quality control this month? Mr. Whipple: Does a bear poop in the woods? (The bear grabs a newspaper and a coffee cup and gets up and walks off) Lumburg: Um yeah, Mr. Whipple, we are going to need to move your desk and your stool into the John....that way it will be easier for you to do exit polling....yeah... (Oswald enters office) Oswald: Hey Joey, How's Monday Treating You? Joey: Let's see, I woke up late. Car got towed. Got hit by a bus on the way to the train. Missed the train. Still haven't found my cat (Meow Sound Effect). It was raining but no problema, I had my broken umbrella. When I finally made it to work, forgot the boss' birthday. It seems that I'm stuck here in the DUMP until Saturday. To top it off, when I tell Megan about Sandals, she's going to kill me. (Pulls Oswald Close) I hate this place! SONG: "That's Life" Oswald: Whoa...somebody's feelin' a little irregular. Don't have time to rescue you now, I have tons of deliveries to make and I'm still tryin' to figure out what Brown can do for me. Office Dance: Whirlwind Dance Agian Joey: That's it! STOPPP! I’m a Writer, I WRITE! AND NOW I QUIT! Lumberg: No, Joey, you're fired! And don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Joey: Whatever! Quit, Fired, quitfired – put that in your dictionary! (Dottie grabs whatever Joey is holding, Dwight brings box full of Joey's stuff. Dwight hand Joey the box. Lumberg grabs coat and puts on over Joey's shoulder. Joey starts walking off front of stage. Stop at second step and sits down.) Transition 2: (Sound effect of text message on his phone) Joey looks at phone and it's Megan. Conversation takes place via text. She ends up dumping him for Lumberg. (you see conversation take place on the TV screen) Act 1, Scene 2 Scene Description: Joey goes into the Urbus Orbus Coffee House. Characters Belinda Carlisle Joey Bonnie Tyler Super Dog (Barista,Long Duk Dong/16 candles) Susana Hoff Coffee Freak Debbie Gibson Molly Ringwald Susan Vega Emilio Esteves Potsie Charlie Sheen Joanie Ashton Kusher Richie Demi Moore Ralph Judd Nelson Mr. Hand Nadine Sean Penn Anthony Michael Hall Brad Damone Lights Up Joey walks in the coffee house and reads the bulletin board flyer about Project Green Light. He takes an application then walks up to the barista to place his order. Joey: Can I get a cup of Coffee? Super Dog: Do you want a tripple Grande soy Latte, sugar free vanilla, non-­‐fat, easy caramel, extra froth, caramel macchiato. Joey: No, just a plain cup of coffee. Super Dog: Coffee, Oh what kind coffee: You want to make that a 13 shot venti, soy, hazelnut, vanilla, cinnamon, white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel for only $13.76? Joey: Hey you look familiar..... Super Dog: Yes, I was on 16 Candles, now I work here because I can't get any parts. There is not a huge demand for a Super Dog. Coffee Freak: (nervous, caffeine high) Hey, pick a drink, I want my coffee! Joey: Oh, forget the coffee. I'll have a quiche. The show is only 2 hrs. Super Dog: Keys? No way! I need my keys for Grandpa's automobile. Joey: You don't drive it. You eat it. Anyway, do you have WiFi here? Super Dog: (Reaches up to give a high five) High Five? (Crowd becomes belligerent) Nadine: Simma don na, everybody. Simma don na. (Joey goes to a table looking annoyed. he sits down and begins to fill out the Project Green Light Application) Molly : Ever since we did those John Hughes Movies, I can't get a serious part. I'm worthless. Emilio: You have no room to complain. Ever since I taped those kids buns together with duct tape in the Breakfast Club, I keep getting called back to host Buns of Steel infomercials. Then I've got my loser brother, Charlie screaming, "Winning", all of the time. Charlie Sheen jumps on stage Charlie: Winning! That's right, I'm a winner. (Runs over to Ashton Kusher) I've had enough of you punk boy. Ashton : (Looking at Phone) I don't think so Charlie. According to Twitter, you're a loser. My 1 million followers to your 12. Demi: As of now, you're down to 999,999 followers. I'm un-­‐following you on twitter. And I just un friended you. And I changed my facebook status to single. Judd: Geez Demi, give the kid a break! You didn't honestly think your high profile marriage would last? Go get me a turkey pot pie! (to Nadine) will you be serving my milk that I ordered fifteen minutes ago? (to Demi) I will not be made a fool of. (Turns around, shows toilet paper hanging from pants) Mess with the bull, you get the horns! Nadine: Judd, you need to just simma don na. simma son na Judd. Anthony: Nadine: Belinda Carlisle: Bonnie Tyler: (Back has been to audience. Turns around to reveal head gear) The only gig I have gotten is being the poster boy for DiFranco Orthodontics. People, simma don na, simma don. We have a few poets from yesterday. Here they are: Can you hear us....they're talking about us.... telling lies... Once Upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart, nothing stays the same, a total eclipse of the heart. (Snapping) Susana Hoff: Just another Manic Monday...Wish it was Sunday.. (Snapping) Debbie Gibson: Now, only in my dreams, as real as it may seem, it was only in my dreams. (Snapping) Susan Vega: My name is Luca...I live on the second floor. I live upstairs from you. I guess you've seen me before. (Snapping) Nadine turns around and gives Joey his quiche. Nadine: Your coffee is ready. What are you doing there? Joey: I got dumped and fired. Nadine: That's awful but every writer needs something to write about. (She spills coffee on Joey) Joey: Now this. Well they say things come in threes. What the heck could go wrong now? I saw this application about making a movie. I'm going to try something I've always wanted to do. Nadine: OOOOee honey. You came to the right place. Look over there. Those are all of the Breakfast Club people. And there's the Happy Days crew. Over there, you have the Fast Times at Ridgemont high cast. This is the coffee shop of broken dreams Joey: Did you say the coffee shop of broken dreams? (Joey Shakes off sheet starts looking at it goes off to dream sequence) DANCE: Zuit Suit Riot Nadine: No honey. This is the Insanity Coffee House where are coffee is Insanely good. Joey leaves Coffee Shop. Spotlight moves from table to table to highlight the character speaking. Potsie: Joanie: Richie: Ralph: Spot Light Changes Mr. Hand: Sean Penn: Mr. Hand: Brad: Damone: Joanie, I don't get it what's a dren? It's nerd spelled backwards Potsie and it suits you. Hey Malph that makes you a krej, right? Yeh, that's about as funny as a screen door in a submarine, Richie. So boys, what are we doing here? We're ordering pizza, Dude. You better have enough for everybody. (gestures to the audience) (To Damone) I heard you talking about a five point plan for dating. what is it? (As he's standing next to a life size Debbie Harry cutout) First of all you never let on how much you like a girl. Oh, Cathy, hi. Second, you always call the shots. Kiss me, you won't regret it. Third, act like wherever you are that's the place to be. Isn't this great? Fourth, when ordering food, find out what she wants and then order for the both of you, that's a classy move. The lady will have the linquine with white clam sauce and a coke with no ice. Fifth, and this is the most important, whenever possible put on side one of Led Zepplin IV. Band plays a little Led Zepplin IV Joey same clothes. Voice Over: "3 Days Later" (Ala Sponge Bob Square Pants) Nadine in different Clothes Nadine: You've got to be kidding me you're still hear, you've been working so hard on that application. Maybe you'll win! Joey: (Joey rustles his hair in frustration) I have been working on this script for 5 days now, Maybe I'll win! Who am I kidding (crumples up script and throws it into the waste basket. Starts to walk out of shop) In the words of Donnie Brasko, "Forget About it!" Time to make like a tree and leave. Nadine: (Following Joey) Simma don na honey. Come back. (She walks bak to the crumpled script and begins reading) OOOeee, (pause) OOOee. (she flatens out the script and drops it into the contest box) Light Out Curtain Closed Song: "Brandy" by Looking Glass Transition 3: Papa: (Yells) Rosa Lee -­‐ Starta the Watta. Act 1, Scene 3 Scene Description: Inside Joey's parents house for Sunday Dinner Characters Nonie Joey Aunti Cici Tony (Joey's Brother) Cousin Vinnie Papa Marie (Joey's Sister) Mamma Rose Paulie Walnuts (Family Friends) Frank (Joey's Father) Lights Up Joey walks into room and yells Joey: Hey Everyone, the prodigal son has returned. Tony: What got into you, did you eat your Wheaties or something? Joey: Come here, Pops. Let me give you a big old bear hug. (Grandpa comes shuffling over, Artie Johnson style, gets a big squeeze from Joey and passes gas) Papa: I feela good now. Mamma Rose: Oh Papa, please. My boy, my sweet boy, I've a got your favorite! Come over here and sit down. Frank: OK, can we eat now that Mr. Sunshine has showed up. I'm starvin' over here! Ma, Nonie. Can you say grace please? Nonie: Huh, Grace? Grace has been gone for 15 years. Mama Rose: Ma, the Blessing! Nonie: (Looks at everyone, bends her head down and begins) I-­‐a pledge-­‐a allegiance, to-­‐a the flag-­‐a, of -­‐a the.... Aunti Cici: Oh, enough, every Sunday. Grace, there, I said it. Eat! Joey: Ma, Pa, you guys, I've got something to tell you. I quit my job. Cousin Vinnie: Mamma Rose : Frank: Joey: Maria: Joey: Aunti Cici: Mamma Rose: Cousin Vinnie: Paulie Walnuts: Papa: Paulie: Mama Rose: Paulie: Joey: Phone Rings I called you at work today and Dottie said you got fired. Fired, Oh my God (Makes sign of the Cross), who would fire my Joey? What did Megan Say? I have my wooden spoons right here! Yea, where is she, she don't like us no more? No, I broke up with her today. I was with her getting my hair did and she said she dumped you! Whatever. That's alright, honey we didn't like her anyway. You should find yourself a good Italian Girl. Ok, everyone, Mangia, Mangia. The foods getting cold. I have good spaghetti and meatballs here. Is it true the Chinese invented Spaghetti: Now think about it. Why would people who eat with sticks invent something that you eat with a fork? Like the time I took the ferry over to Lipari. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Malfa, which is what they called Lipari in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. I didn't have a white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big purple ones. so I got on the ferry.... (Interrupting Papa, talking to Joey) So, which is it, fired, quit, broke up, got dumped? Hey, are those your bags out back? My poor baby, here, eat more, you'll feel better. You know , we think it's time you joined the Family Business. I got room for you on one of my trucks. I mean, who works for a company called Call of Duty Toilet Paper, anyways? (Making fun of Dottie) "Where your Duty is our Duty" (All the family laughs) Frank: Tony: Joey: Maria: Joey: Aunti Cici: Joey: Papa: Nonie: Joey: Maria: Vinnie: Don't answer it, it's time to eat. I don't like my dinner interrupted. It gives me Agida! I'm expecting a call from Rocco Bags.. ya know....Rocco Bagadonuts. Hey, ya, ya, yo...hold on. Joey, it's for you. Some guy from Project Greenlight? What's that? You lookin' to start a recycling business? I can do that with you. Gimme that phone. (Grabs phone) What...Ah....What....Really... Yep....Great. Thank You. Who calls on a Sunday? What could be so important? OK, I filled out an application and I threw it away. I crumbled it up. Whadday talking about? Hey, Vinnie, get me another meatball. I gotta hear this. So I filled out an application for a Screenplay and I won. I don't know how but I won. Won, oh I remember when we won World War One, we're talking about WWI, right? I won $200 at bingo. I'm gonna make a movie. Can I be in it? I wanna be a star. I got some guys down at the Union Hall, they can give you a hand, if you know what I mean. SONG: That's Amore/Man's Dance Aunti Cici: You're gonna need a makeup department. You know that's my forte. Paulie: Ah, Knock it off, Cici. You just use that makeup to cover up the dark bags under your eyes. Mama Rose: Oh, Joey, I'ma so proud of you! Whatever you need. I'll cook, that's it, you need to keep eating. Frank: We spend 20 grand to send you to College and you're gonna give it all up? For what? So you can go to Hollywood? Get you head outta your fancy ascot! Joey: Nonie: No, Dad, it was $2500 dollars and it was Central Northwestern Community College, South Campus. (Stands up at he table and reveals her college shirt) Good Ole Central Norhtwestern, The Fighting Cosa Nostras!! (Nonie starts to put a cures, evil eye) Joey: Nonie, stop! No mallyukes on anyone, please! Lights Dim. Joey walks up to the front of the stage. Family is very animated but quiet. Curtain Closes Joey: Oh, marone, I gotta give every single one of them a job on this movie? Lights Out Transition 4: Coffee House Song/Songs Act 1, Scene 4 Scene Description: Project Green Light producers put together the rest of Joey's production team. Characters Tori Spelling Ari Tori's Assistant Lorna (Ari's assistant) Pee Wee Herman Matt Damon Cousin Vinnie Ben Affleck Grace Lights Up Ari is walking up to the stage. Pauses on the side. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon go to Ari's office. Spotlight on Ari. Ari: Joey? How's it going man? Listen, I'm going to be your power agent. So, here's how it's gonna go. I'm going to introduce you to your producers, Charlie Sheen and Ashton Kutcher. Lorna: Charlie Sheen? Ashton Kutcher? Ari, you didn't tell me about these guys. Ari: (Laughs to himself, Looks at Lorna) Just kidding toots. (Puts phone up to ear to talk to Joey) This script is hotter than Kardashian/Humphries divorce. (does a sizzle noise and touched burrocks). You've got all of Hollywood fighting over it. We've got Project Green Light HERE. (Talking to Lorna) Go get 'em. Lorna: (Nervously) Ok Ari, right away sir. DANCE: TELEPHONE Ari has a conference phone on middle of desk. Ben and Matt walk into office. Ari: (Talking to phone) Joey, meet Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Your Mentors. Matt: Congratulations on being a Project Green Light winner! As you know, Project Green Light is a challenge.... Ben: Really, dude? You won. You might be as good as Matt (clears throat) but not as good as me. Joey is on the phone ( not is scene -­‐ could be taped) Joey: That all sounds great guys, but um, can you tell me how exactly you got my application? Ben: I don't know what you mean. You submitted you script. Joey: No I didn't. Ben: Then you must have a guardian angel. Matt: We've called today not only to congratulate you on this fine achievement but to also introduce you to the director. Ben: Dude, we got SPELLING! Ari: Spelling? How did you get Spelling? I keep calling that guy and he never returns my calls! Matt: AAAhh, Ari, Aaron Spelling is no longer available. If you know what I mean. We've got the next best thing, Tori Spelling Joey: Ooohh, OK. That's uh, great guys, but I was kinda hoping I could have my college theater professor help me with the directing. Maybe you've heard of him, Larry David, you know the creator of Seinfeld. Ben: Fine, you can have Larry David. We'll get rid of Tori. Matt, get rid of Tori. Matt: Ben, why don't we have them work together? Don't offend Tori. Tori enters the room with her assistant Tori: Like, Hi guys! (bubbly) Ari: Uh, sweetie, we're having a big boy meeting. Lorna, show this young lady to the coffee room. (Motioning to all the guys) Thirsty? Lorna: Ah, yeah, OK Ari, whatever you say. Right away sir. Tori: No, I'm not thirsty, I'm Tori. We are like going to have so much fun. I have so many connections. We're not going to have any problems finding actors. I see every leading actor in Hollywood everyday at my plastic surgeon, Dr. Troy's office. Tori's Assistant: Ms. Spelling, here's the cucumbers for your eyes. Tori: Tori's Assistant: Tori: Joey: You mean cucumbers for my salad. No, Ms. Spelling, the doctor said you should use the cucumbers at least 3 times a day. (Fake Laughs) AAAhhh, silly assistant. Remind me to fire you later. (Looks at her watch) You're FIRED! OK, where were we? You know, I'd really like to have my Aunt Cici do the makeup. She works at the Spinoli Funeral Home and her work is EXQUISITE. Aunt Cici grabs the phone from Joey Aunt Cici (To Joey) Let me talk to them! Hi dolls, what's up? I'm the best in the business. None of my morts ever complain. I know exactly how to bring'em to life. a little extra rosy on the cheeks, passion red on the lips and plenty of blue on the eyelids. Tori: Great idea, Joey. Joey: Give me the phone back! OK, moving right along, for dolly grip, I sent my friend from the old neighborhood. We have been friends since we were yooots and when I think of dollies... I think of HERMAN! Herman: (Pee Wee comes riding in on a red bicycle with a doll under each arm) Huh, Huh, Hi guys, Uh, I brought my best dollies with me today. Say Hello ladies. Tori: Hello Ladies! Welcome to the show, I'm sure we'll soon be like total besties. Joey: Next, for stunt coordinator, I sent my cousin, Vinnie! Vinnie, are you there? Vinnie: (He comes running through the door and hits his head on the door as it's closing) Oops, I am a little wound up. I thought I heard the 5 -­‐ 0. That's why I'm so good with the stunts. I've learned a lot while running from those guys. Ari: (Shaking his head) Soo, we've got Auntie Cupcake, the freak on the bike and your delinquent cousin Vinnie. I got the rest. Ben: Unless you already have plans to ask Miss Twinkle Toes to run choreography, let's see if Grace got a hold of Paula Abdul. GRACE! Grace: Ben: Grace: Ari: Grace: OK Mr. Affleck. I called the geeks, the jocks, the nerds, the dweebs, and the hoods before I got the number for Paula Abdul. She wasn't making a whole lot of sense but I'm pretty sure that she said she can't do it. Mmm, hmm, well then what about Janet Jackson? Oooohh, Well, I put in a call to my friend Ferris Buehler, he's a righteous dude. He is going to talk to Janet for me. He'll get back to us as soon as he can. I'll keep calling my contacts. Soo, we need to keep working on the director of choreography. What else do we need guys? Good news Mr. Affleck and Mr. Damon, I have found someone for the director of choreography position, Armand. He has a very talented assistant too, Agador Spartacus. They worked on that movie Bird Cage together. SONG: MIDNIGHT CONFESSIONS Ari: Great, now we're rolling. Alrighty then, see you guys later. Talk to you later Joey. We'll do lunch. Let's get out of here. Lights Out Curtain Closes Transition 5: Directors interviewing actors quickly. Cardboard box guy, three to five auditions Act 1 Scene 5 Scene Description: Production team discusses their vision for screenplay at Armand's House. Characters Kourtney Kardashian Agador Spartacus Khloe Kardashian Larry David Gary Bussey Lindsey Lohan Nick Nolte Kim Kardashian Dude Person leaving with Ari Paris Albert Ari Tori Armand People arriving at house. Lights Up Agador: Welcome, welcome I am Agador Spartacus, the Goldman's butler. I'm so glad I got a few hours notice to spruce (thprueth) up this (thith) place (playth). Come in, come in. Larry: Yeah, thanks for moving the party to you place. Very L.A. Do you believe we've had ANOTHER storm of the century? My house is the only house that lost power on the whole block. The Com-­‐Ed WORKING STIFF keeps apologizing for any inconvenience this might have caused in that beautiful robotic voice. I think she talks like that to everybody. Albert: (Yells from back stage) Laaary, you're wife just called. You have a mess in your basement. If you are on the same system as we are, the storm and sewer drains are tied together. No telling what's in your basement. (Larry looks frustrated) Song: Band plays Jaws Music Agador: Would you like some coffee? Armand: (Taking a cup and a sip) So I see you made sludge rather than coffee. Agador: Yes (Jayce). It is sludge. I thought (taught) I make nice change from coffee. Larry: Why aren't you wearing any shoes? Armand: I thought we agreed that you would wear shoes when we have company. Agador: I do not wear the shoes..because... they make me fall down. Tori comes running up to the door carrying her Abercrombie and Stitch plastic surgery shopping bag. Tori: I brought some goodies for the script read through? Doorbell rings. Agador: OMG, Oh my goss, Oh my goss, It's Lilo and Paris. I jus love ju. Lindsey: Hey cabana boy, got any water bottles around here? Paris: Lindsey, be nice to the help. Could you please get me a frothy drink because it's sooo hot. Por Favore Agador goes to get the drinks Dude: (Wearing a robe, brings the water for Lindsey) The Dude abides. Lindsey: Aah, thanks. (she pours water over ankle braclet to short out) I can't have have any fun with this thing. It's such a drag! Agador: Ms. (Mees) Paris, your Frothy drink, I chopped the fruit myself? In walk the Kardashians Paris: Who invited the Kardashians? Weren't they in last year's show? Kim: Unlike you, I'm an 'A' lister. I'm invited to every party in Hollywood. Kourtney: Watch it jailbirds. Aren't you two still on probation? Khloe: I've got the number one show right not. How's the Simple Life working out for you? Paris: Your should know. Agador: Oh Ms. (mees) Paris, You soo hot! How you were a the shoes (chose)? Lindsey: They are real Jimmy Chu's. She's Paris Hilton and she has 43 pairs. Gary Bussey and Nick Nolte come walking in. Gary: Nick, your agent said this movie is your last chance. You can't blow this man. Just be cool. Collected, Ovelry Enthusiastic, Oriented but Loose Nick: I know, I know. Man it's a good thing thay don't have a cover or I wouldn't be able to get in. Gary: Yeah, man, Money is tight. Taking, Insightful, Growth, Higher, Today. Gary and Nick walk up to Larry and Tori Nick: Larry, good to see you man. How's it going? Did you catch me in Tropic Thunder? Got any parts for me and Gary? Larry: NOLTE! BUSSEY! I'll see what I can do for you, I don't know about Buddy Holly over there. Gary: Buddy Holly? That was thirty years ago and I nailed that part. People Always Remember That. (slyly removes Buddy Holly glasses from back pocket and sports them) Ari comes walking up the aisle into the party and everyone comes up to him as he reaches the stage. Ari: (Talking non-­‐stop on his phone) I know, I'll get that to you. I know, I know. Lorna, just do it right now! (I have another call, clicks over) Joey, how's it going babe? I can't talk now, OK two minutes. Voiceover: 13 Hours Later (ala Sponge Bob) Armand is lying on the chair passed out. Ari is leaving the party with someone. Agador: Oh no, oh no. come back Mr. (meester) Ari, You (ju) forgot to...oh well I guess I take care of it. (yells) OK everyone, don't forget to sign up for casting tomorrow. Just write your name on the sheet here. Bunch of extras come out to sign up for casting. Lights Out Curtain Close CLOSER -­‐ Act I “Sir Duke” OPENER Act II "You Can't Stop the Beat" from Hairspray Act 2, Scene 1 Scene Description: Start with Dark Stage. Mama Rose coming across to Joey, who is standing talking on the phone. She has two women in tow and a big brown shopping bag. During the scene, Prop Guys can make a few words, groans (no lines) Characters Michelle Bachman Mama Rose Kelly Osbourne Joey Kate Perry Maxine Shoebox Linda Carter Trixie Dionne Warwick Sally Fieldsgood (Cast Dir. Assistant) Crystal Ball Freddie Benson Shannen Doherty Annoying Fred Jennifer Hewit Right Said Fred 2 ghost guys(no lines) Dim Stage Mama Rose: Joey, here, I brought you lunch. You remember my friends Maxine and Trixie from the beauty parlor? Joey: Oh, sure, good afternoon Ladies. That's for me, Ma? Mama Rose: Yes, it is. I wanted to show the ladies where you work. Maybe you could find something for them to do on the movie? Joey: Ahh, Ma! I don't know. Come with me, let me show you my office. (under his breath) Maybe there’s something you can find something to clean. Mama and Joey walk off the stage, leaving Maxine and Trixie. Casting Director Assistant comes running on stage Sally: Do either of you know who the cast director is? No one knows who or where she is. Maxine and Trixie share a mischievous glance Maxine: (To Trixie) Opportunity is knocking. I'm opening the door! See you around Trix. (To Sally) That would be me. I'm in charge of casting around here. Where's my office. Trixie: Now all you need is someone to yell Action. Trixie and Maxine laugh. Trixie Exits. Sally: I'm Sally Fieldsgood, your assistant. You’re gonna like me, you’re gonna really, really like me! Maxine: I'm serious here, sweetie, I need a chair. Everytime I sit, there better be a chair under me. This Ar-­‐thur-­‐i-­‐tis is killing me. I try not to let my old age get me down, it’s too hard to get back up. Sally: (screams) CHAIR! Two stage hands form a human chair for Maxine to sit on. Maxine: A little cush for my tush. Kind of lumpy. Let's move it, I’m not getting any younger. Sally: First up, everyone who's auditioning for the part of Fred, please come on stage. Freddie Benson: I play Freddie Benson on iCarly. Maybe you know me better by this: "in 5, 4, 3... (with hand motion)" Annoying Fred: I'm here? What are you doing here? They want Fred, not Freddie. Hey, are there cabbages here? I like cabbages, as long as they aren't falling out of the sky. (runs around shaking his hands and head back and forth) Where's my noodle pool? I need to go find my noodle pool. (runs off stage) Spot light on the aisle, Right Said Fred guy comes dancing down the aisle singing "I'm Too Sexy" Maxine gets up and starts to dance. Right Said Fred: (Singing) I'm too sexy for this movie, too sexy for this movie, but I am sexy as Fred! Annoying Fred: (Comes back on stage) Hey, what are you doing then? If you think you're too sexy, just leave, we've already got two Freds. Just leave, Just go Right Said Fred! Freddie Benson: If you ask me, you are both annoying. Right Said Fred: When you were in your diapers. I was strutting my stuff on the catwalk. Maxine: Least of the three annoying, we'll get back to you. NEXT! CHAIR! DANCE: Wild Child 'Iggy Pop" Michelle Bachman: (Singing)The hills are alive with the sound of money. I’m here to perform, this Can only help my campaign. Kelly Osbourne: Oh stop hollering. You’re a bruetal mess the red suit and hair poof screams Sara Palin which is not a good look when you’re trying to win voters, Ms. Bachman. My only suggestion is go home, stick your head in the toilet and flush. Michelle Bachman: (sining)Super Calla Fragalistic expialidocious, I’m often viewed as rude obscene and also quite percosious. To my fellow tea party and people of the nation, I can score this Hollywood role , It worked for Ronny Reagan. People doing the beat to "We Will Rock You" Maxine: OK! Reminds me, I need a inspect my inner plumbing. Get me my flomax! Sally: Let's move on. Wonder Woman. Katy Perry: I'm the new version of Wonder Woman. I have Girl Power and I use Pro Active! Lynda Carter: It's Wonder Woman, not wonder girl. Recognize a woman for her accomplishments, not her hair color. Trixie: (Holding a baby doll, bag of groceries and plumbers wrench) Here's a Wonder Woman for ya! Me. I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget that I can, cause I'm Wonder Woman. W-­‐O-­‐ M-­‐A-­‐N (Maxine does the bump with Trixie and knocks her down) Maxine: Thanks, gals. We'll let ya know. Trixie, not to worry, you're in. Moving on. CHAIR! Sally: Casting next, the part of the psychics and who better to introduce our candidates, the Queen of the Psychic Friends Hotline, Dionne Warwick! Dionne: Will I ever love this way again? I don't know but I'll keep holding on until I get to $748.00, then I'll have to hang up. It's Crystal Ball! Crystal: I'll walk on by as I deliver this burger and fries. Maxine: Hey, that's my dinner, honey. Don't let the bag sag or I'll say a little prayer for ya! Dionne: Maxine: Shannen Doherty: Maxine: Jennifer Hewitt: (channeling) I can feel something,,,someone's coming closer, coming closer,,,I'm seeing the WB. She played Pru on Charmed, Shannen Doherty Oh, does Pru stand for Pruin? No it stands for Prudence, you old bat! Oh, Charmed, I'm sure. NEXT! (With two ghosts following) Hello, I'd like to read for the part of the psychic. (Turns to guys behind her) Wait, I'm busy! Ghosts start waving at her to get attention Maxine: (Whispering) Whenever you're ready. Jennifer: Pardon me, I couldn't hear you. Maxine: (Whispering) Go ahead. Jennifer: Why are you talking so quietly? Maxine: (Loudly) Cuz you're the Ghost Whisperer. Sally: This is not going well. Will anyone else come forward? Anyone else you "See" Ms. Warwick? Dionne: (Channeling) No one else is coming. It's me and these gals and I can already predict the outcome. (Surprised) Oooh, it's me. (turns to Sally) And they like me, they really like me too! Maxine: Let's wrap it up people, cause I have got places to go. Halmark's calling, they need more tag lines. SONG: "Got a Dream" by Tangled Transition: Keano Reeves School of Fine Arts (Pauly and Vinnie sitting in the classroom side by side waiting impatiently) Pauly: Did you bring any cannolis? Vinnie: Why would I bring cannolis? Ma only packed grapes! Pauly: 'Cause we've been waitin' on this guys for 13 minutes! Vinnie: Ka-­‐No Reeves is one of the best actors of our time! Pauly: Shut up Vinnie! Vinnie: Exibit A the Matrix. The guy doesn't even say anything he just kills you with his eyes! Exibit B, The one where he sprouts wings out his back. There is no way you can teach those moves. Acting Coach: I am Bill S. Preston Esquire (with pose) and this is my friend Ted Theodore Logan (with pose). And we are Wild Stallion School of Acting (air guitar with noise). Curtain Closes Act 2, Scene 2 -­‐ The Rehearsal Scene Description: They are rehearsing at studio. Characters Kelly Osbourne Larry David Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts Tori Spelling Robert Downey Jr. as Ironman Kiefer Sutherland Shannen Doherty Lindsey Lohan Demi Lovato David Hasselhoff Eve Plum Austin Powers Aunt Cici Lights on Actors and Actresses are milling around the green room waiting to go on stage for their rehearsal. Tori: Before we get into the actual rehearsal. We need you guys to get into character. Work with me people. First do the downward dog position. All of the characters do the downward dog position. Larry: Wait, wait just a minute. Where is Lindsey Lohan? Where is that girl? Please don’t tell me I have to write her another letter. Where's my secretary, get my poison pen. Keifer: Ok. I’m letting you know right now that there is absolutely no way I’m getting into that yoga position. Jack Bauer doesn’t do down dog. Larry: And …..Action. Eve: (in a monotone voice) Marcia, Marcia, Marcia Larry: Eve, don’t say, “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia”. Give me some emotion say, “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia” like that. With more meaning, I don’t understand, why you won’t you give me more emotion? Do you hear the difference there? Eve: Actually, Larry, I think you said it the same way both times. Larry: I told you we should have hired Maureen McCormick. Tori: Action! Ok, Kelly come on…. Kelly comes in. Tori: Wait, you need brighter lipstick. Make-­‐up, come in here. Kelly needs redder lips! Kelly Osborne: Oh No, Honey! That color clashed with my outfit. Use my lipstick, wicked red. As Aunt Cici, the make-­‐up artist enters and fixes the make-­‐up, on the side of the stage Shannen and Demi are arguing. Tori: Well, that’s better. Honey, you really need some collagen in those things. Shannen: (to Demi Lovato) What are you doing here Demi Lovato? We don’t need the understudies here yet. Demi: I’m not the understudy. You are Shannen Doherty. Tori: Girls, please stop fighting. We haven’t decided yet. One of you will be the lead and the other will be the understudy. Larry: So, Shannen show us your best Brenda Walsh scene. Shannon: Forget you Larry, I’m so over Brenda Walsh. I’ve moved out or 90210 and into 01234. I'm a Pheonix Now. Kelly comes back on stage. Her lips are now enormous! Kelly Osborne: Okay, Tori, I’m ready. Who is the bloke with the hideous outfit? Austin Powers: (Runs in and puts his arm around her. ) I'm Austin Powers baby, yeah, Oh behave! Larry: Ok so this is a show about nothing that has everything to do with something from your life. Everybody wants to do a show about nothing. I’ve already done a show about nothing and about your life. Tori: I thought the show was a coming of age story about cowboys and aliens. Larry: Really, that’s what you thought? Do you hear yourself? Cowboys and aliens together in the same show? Have you even read the script? Because it’s not working and if you haven’t read it yet, let’s rewrite it. Kiefer: Well if you are going to rewrite it, then make me the hero. I know how to be the hero. Hasselhoff: Ironman: Pepper: (comes running in dressed half as Knight Rider and half as a Baywatch lifeguard) Did somebody say hero. I should be the hero. I used to eat hero before I switched to cheese burgers...in the tub. No, I should be the hero. I was in Ironman 1 and 2. I’m invincible! (The heart thing that keeps him alive pops out of his chest and he flies backwards.) Pepper, back to the drawing board. (Pepper comes running up and walks Ironman off of stage.) Come on Tony Stark, it’s time for a little recharge. Lindsey Lohan comes stumbling onto the stage wearing an ankle bracelet . She trips. David Hasselhoff catches her. Lindsey: Oh, David, you’re my hero. You saved my life! Hasselhoff: Did you hear that, I’m her hero. I should play the hero! I save lives. What have you done Jack Bauer, or Kiefer Northerland or whoever you are? You were great in MASH! Kiefer: It’s Sutherland and I wasn’t in MASH! That was my father! I was in two vampire movies. And I would have been in the twilight saga but they gave it to the guy with lip stick cause Jack Bower doesn't do lipstick. Larry: People, we need to rehearse this scene. We don’t have time to be changing everything around now. We are going with the script as it is. (man gladiator walks across the stage) Xena the Princess Warrior you're on Stage 3. Doesn't anybody just do their job! ACTION! SONG: "Boogie Shoes" by KC and Sunshine Band Act II Scene 3 All directors get together to go over what they need and budget. Characters John Jackman (Dir. of Photography) Matt Damon Human Charirs Ben Affleck Bo Jangles (locations director)
Ari Gold Actor 1 Kristin (casting director) Actor 2
Dr. Mark Sloan (set medic) Bo Jangles double Mack McQue (grip/electric) Tank (Location Assistant) Maury Bawlstein (accountant) Mack McQue Double LaRouche (Costumes) John Jackman Double Tori Spelling LaRouche Double Light Up Table in center stage. All seated around the table with their production binders. Ari and Accountant in center. Rolaids, Maalox, Turbo Lax, etc. Box of Toilet Paper in the room by the door. Matt: With time being of paramont proportions, I'd like to welcome you all to this meeting. Please be swift like me in you actions (karate moves). Introduce yourself name, rank, and serial number PLEASE! Ben: Matt, this is for Project Green Light. I don't appreciate you being so selfish and incorporating Bourne Identity into everything. If we could just get back to the Good Will instead of the Hunting. ArI; (breaking up there argument) Alright I'll start. I'm Ari Gold. Don't get in my way and I won't step on you face with my Prada shoes. (motions to girl next to her) Kristen: I'm Christin Kauffman casting director. John: John Jackman, DP. Everyone: What's a DP? John: A displaced Person, Ha, ha, ha (wierd laugh). Just Joshin', Director of Photography. Mack McQue: Mach McQue, Key Grip, electric specialist. (banter between John and Mack. ala "what makes you a specialist") Bo Jangles: I'm Bo, locations director. Kristin: What's your last name? I need to know for my production binder. It has to be complete. Bo: (under his breath) Jangles. Kristin: What? I couldn't hear you. Bo: (loudly) Jangles and NO I don't dance. I won't sing and I won't play a melody to make you feel alright. Accountant: Maury Bawlstein, accountant. LaRouche: I'm LaRoche, costumes and millinery. Dr. Mark Sloan: Mark Sloan but you can call me McSteamy. I'm the set medic. Ben: We'd like to welcome you all today. We like to check in with you from time to time to catch up in an effort to see where we stand in a budgetary setting and to keep an eye on our investment. After all it's all for charity. (to accountant) This is still tax deductable right? Matt: Kristen, let's start with you. Kristin: I need more money. I need at least 10K more for rehearsal and audition area with a waiting room. Light Down (Hear Adding Machine) (spot light comes on two actors stage left) Actor 1: (to actor 2 speaking quietly) The secret to optimal living is eating raw foods, proper evacuation and elimination as well as 8 hrs of rest for the aliens to come in and re-­‐charge your brain (hand motion over face). Light Up (Hear Adding Machine) Bo: We need 75k for location lock down, insurance and transpo. And an additional 24K for gennies and security. Light Down (Hear Adding Machine) (spot light comes on Bo and Assistant stage right) (Bo double and Assistant Looking up at wall) Tank (Assistant): Well maybe we can get the Biltmore estate. Bo: Try to lock it down. The Ferris Buehler house is still trying to clean up blood and ashes from the Hannibal Lector movie. Tank (Assistant): You lock it down. Bo: That's your job Tank. Light Up (Hear Adding Machine) Dr. Mark: We'll need 40k for cucumbers, ice packs, general compression chambers, and hyperbaric pressure booths for Dr. Troy's patients. Light Down (Hear Adding Machine) (spot light comes on Tori stage left in hyperbaric Chamber) Tori: (distressed voice) Help! Light Up (Hear Adding Machine) Mack McQue: We need at leat 4500 ft of cable and 50 additional feet of dolly track for the DP. John Jackman: 75 ft of dolly track, please. Light Down (Hear Adding Machine) (spot light comes on Jackman is standing McQue and Tank stage left) Jackman: (to Mack) I used to love playing with trains in college. Everyone said I had issues. Tank: Are you kidding me right now? Jackman: No Tank. I'm not kidding. I locked them up in a closet and I was removed in a strait jacket. McQue: Well on that note, Lunch! Jackman: Laughs (weird like above) Light Up (Hear Adding Machine) Larouche: I need 75k for pink gloves. (Everyone has a puzzled look) Light Down (Hear Adding Machine) (spot light comes on LaRouche Double stage right) LaRouche Double: (stuffed animals wearing pink gloves, sitting on pink blanket, everything pink) (singing) I'm so pretty, Oh so pretty. Light Up (Hear Adding Machine) Matt & Ben: Thank you all for your time. This meeting is adjourned. (everyone leaves) Maury Bawlstein: Gentlemen, you're roughly 9.7 million dollars over budget...with that, no location, impending SAG strike and the bird flu, I regret to inform you that this movie just might not happen. You two better get it together or you could be sued or worse! (packs up large books and adding machine and leaves) DANCE – MONEY, THAT’S WHAT I WANT Ari: (to Ben and Matt) I will go nuclear. I'm talkin' straight up mushroom cloud. You've got to know, I've just opened my new offices. I just bought my wife a new Mercedes Benz to transport my two beautiful girls to private schools. My wife likes Chanel and the south of France, fellas. Ben: Matt, I am aggrieved. I have another baby on the way. I don't know if I can afford this. At this point the baby will be born before this movie even hits production. Matt: Your talking about babies being born. I have Jason Bourne. With Bourne Identy 12 -­‐ Trail of Bread Crumbs in production we might have to abort this mission unless we get the government movie bailout money. Ari: Guys, don't make me call my wife. Ben: Ari, do you like apples? We need more money. How do you like those apples?! LIGHTS OUT SONG: MIDNIGHT HOUR Transition: Lumberg and Meagan fight about going to Acedemy Awards. Act 2 Scene 4 Scene Description: Joey and his new girlfriend, Nadine. Both are leaving the Academy Awards. There are plenty of reporters and other award recipients. Characters Girl 4 Perosn 1 Girl 5 Person 2 Orbit Girl Person 3 Agador Joey Natalie Portman Nadine Joe Pesci Cher Starvin Marvin Chas Bono Super Dog Ryan Seacrest Tori Spelling Ross the Intern Larry David Dr. Troy Security Lumberg Meagan Nadine Scene opens in front of curtain with Joey walking down the street and receiving accolades from people on the street. Person 1: Hey, aren't you Joey D'Agostino from project Green Light. Joey: That's me (smiling and confident) Person 2: Hey Joey, Everybody in the old neighborhood is rooting for ya! Joey: Thanks, Man! Person 3: Hey Joey, great to see ya Joey: Hey random person on the street. It's great to be seen. (Girls 4 & 5 talking to each other) Girl4: Isn't that the guy that won project green light? Girl5: Yeah, I think so. He's cute. Girl4: In coming. (Joey runs into Nadine. Joey focuses on Nadine. No one else matters. People freeze) Nadine: Heeeeey, what are you doing around here Mr. Hollywood? Joey: Actually I was looking for you. (Meagan walks up from behind place hands over Joeys eyes) Meagan: Guess Who? (Joey breaks free. Meagan realizes Joey is talking to Nadine) Hi Joey, I knew you would come back for me. I'm sorry about that other stuff that happened but Meagans here. Joey: I wish you no ill will Meagan but if you don't mind I need to talk to Nadine in private. (Meagan storms off mad) Orbit Lady: Dirty Mouth...Clean it up! Joey: You know I couldn't have done any of this if you didn't believe in me... my whole life no one believed in me...and when I closed my eyes at night and think what's happened to me, all I see is you face. Hey there's a good movie at the Theatre, you interested? (Joey and Nadine walk off stage) Curtain opens with reporters on the red carpet. As award recipients exit, they are being interviewed on the red carpet. Followed by the “announcer” in a deep voice coming back from commercial music “ And now, for the conclusion of the 58th Annual Academy Awards…” Ryan Seacrest: Can you believe it? What an unforgettable night! One for the record books. Agador: (Popping his head from behind the red carpet curtain) I am SOOOOO excited! I even wore choes tonight. Joey D'Agostino is the Big Winner!!! (He falls over while saying winner. From backstage, Agador yells) I hate the choes. Ryan Seacrest: Here’s what happened tonight. All the big favorites were predicted to sweep the awards. But it was a newcomer who stole the show. Tonight Chas: Joe Pesci: was all about the new up and comers. They’re coming out now. Chas, over to you. Here he is ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Joe Pesci! What an upset! I can’t believe that Good Fellas 2 At the Circus didn’t win…... How are you feeling right now? (Joe comes out wearing a huge bow tie, red clown nose, oversized gangster suit, and oversized shoes.) You talking to me? How do I feel?. How would you feel? (Begins swinging his microphone at her.) Cher: Who dressed you, Bozo? Two guys come over and pull Joe Pesci away from Chas. Joe Pesci: (as he is being dragged away) What do I amuse you? Chas: Look at how big his feet are. What size shoes do you think he wears? Cher: Oh, Chas, look it’s Natalie Portman. Natalie, congratulations on your win for best actress for your role in Angry Birds. Natalie: (does her notorious laugh and does a ballet dance and stops to pull out some feathers) Chas: Here comes another winner. Congratulations Starvin Marvin for winning best foreign language film. Starvin Marvin: (makes a series of clicking noises like the character from South Park) Ryan Seacrest: Super Dog, the big winner for best skating in a movie. Dog, did you enjoy filming Seventeen Candles on Ice? Super Dog: (comes walking up with his girlfriend, Marlene, from Sixteen Candles) Wassa happening hot stuff? We off to get married, but first the Dogger needs some food. Ryan: Super Dog: Chas: (in a strong accent) Married? (in a strong accent) Married! (clapping all happy) Here come the best directors, Larry David and Tori Spelling! And who is this handsome fella? Tori: Dean couldn’t make it tonight, so I brought my favorite doctor. This is Dr. Troy. Do you know Dr. Troy Cher? Cher: Do I know Dr. Troy? My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn. Dr. Troy: Cher: Larry: Chas: Joey: Nadine: Are you kidding, Cher is one of my best customers. She comes in almost as often as you do, Tori. So, Larry, how do you feel about all of this? How do I feel about this? I probably have more feeling about this than the two of you have in your faces. Standing here listening to the two of you is like being at a collagen convention. It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for, here comes the man of the hour, the writer of the big hit. It’s Joey D'Agostino! Nadine, come over here and give me a big hug. (to Chas) She is the reason we're here tonight. Simmer down Mr. Hollywood Academy Award Winner Fancy Pants Man! (normal sweet voice)Congratulations Joey. I always knew you could do it. (Lumberg and Meagan waiting to talk to Joey) Lumberg: (on the side of the stage talking to Joey) Hey, Joey. Congratulations. Sorry about the Meagan thing. Hey, I would like to be in your next movie. That would be great. Joey: Yeah, I've already have 3 movies in production. I'll set you up with an invite to the Vanity Fair Party you can sit with all the big wigs of Hollywood and we'll talk about it. (Joey turns to security guards) See those people over there? (waives at Lumberg) He said he stole and Oscar and put it in her purse. (Security takes them away. They think they are getting special treatment) Security: You two, come with me please. Joey: (To Nadine) It's funny how things work out. Ain't Life Grand? CLOSER: Tonight-­‐Tonight Dance Sign –Up Sheet Please indicate which dance you are interested in by numbering in order of preference (#1 being your first choice). ______ Act 1 Scene 1 : Wind Dance (15 – 25 seconds) extremely easy _____ Act 1 Scene 2: Zoot Suit Riot Swing dance. Easy to Difficult dance moves depending on role assigned _____ Act 1 Scene 3: That’s Amore-­‐Mans Dance Easy dance moves. _____ Act 1 Scene 4: Telephone Precision dance. Easy to Medium. ______ Act 1 Scene 4: Pee Wee Herman Dance. ( 15 to 20 seconds) Extremely Easy. _____ Act 2 Scene 1: Real Wild Child Medium to difficult. ______ Act 2 scene 3: Money, That’s What I Want Easy To Medium. I would like to be in MORE THAN ONE DANCE if space is available: YES NO (circle one) NAME: ___________________________________________________________________ HOME PHONE: _____________________________________________________________ CELL PHONE: ______________________________________________________________ EMAIL: ____________________________________________________________________ Questions? Contact Amy Cardella at: [email protected] *Note – SCENES ARE NOT RUNNINGN IN CHRONOLOGICIAL ORDER DURING WEEKLY REHEARSAL. KEEP THIS IN MIND WHEN MAKING YOUR SELECTION YOUR SELECTIONS FOR PARTICIPATING IN A SPECIFIC/DANCE/SCENE CASTING SHEET Name______________________________________ Cell Phone_______________________ Address_________________________________ City/Zip__________________________ Email ____________________________________________ New Address? Yes No Graduate (Yes/No) ____________ # of years left at Field_____________ Please check all that apply: __ Part with song or dance __ Part with song __ Part with dance __ Part in openers or closers __ Part in Act I only • __ Part in Act II only • __ Part in opposite Act of spouse • __ Song only • __ Dance Only • __ Any part – “I don’t care” Please list any specific part you want in specific order (1) ____________________ 2) ______________________(3) ___________________ List any other areas you would like to support: • __ Costume __ Set painting • __ Back stage __ Ad Book • __ Set construction • __ Other: (please describe)__________________________________________________ PLEASE COMPLETE AND RETURN TO: Mike & Erin Paluch at Vshow@me. QUESTIONS? Please email Erin or Mike Paluch at [email protected] or Directors Mick Bradford at mick-­‐-­‐
-­‐[email protected] or Christine Hickey at [email protected]. ************************************************************************
****** This area for official use only Assigned Character ______________________ Additional assignments ___________________ __________________ _________________