Issue - University of Sydney Union

Transcription

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21
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GRAFFITI – ART VS POLITICS
ON TOUR WITH USU’S DEBATERS
HOW TO HIDE ONLINE
UNI MYTHBUS
TERS
COV PLU
THE ER S
NEW S O
USU - L FF
! OO
16
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ISSUE 01, 2011
15/02/11 12:13 PM
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EXP TERNATIONA
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15/02/11 12:13 PM
ISSUE 01
CONTENTS
3
BUSTED! MYTHS ABOUT UNI LIFE
10
EDITORS
Paul Karp
Alex McKinnon
Kira Spucys-Tahar
Anne Widjaja
[email protected]
CONTRIBUTORS
Emma Cowan, Shaun Crowe,
Anthony Faisaneder, Nick Fischer,
Michael Koziol, Sebastian Weller,
Anna Westbrook, Otto
DESIGN
Senior Designer Anjali Belani
Junior Designer Lisa McKenzie
PUBLICATIONS MANAGER
Chris Beaumont
WWW.USUONLINE.COM
The views in this publication are not
necessarily the views of USU. The
information contained within this
edition of Bull Magazine was correct at
the time of printing.
This publication is brought to you by
the University of Sydney Union and
The University of Sydney.
t
e
t
s
s
t
ISSUE 01, 2011
MYTHBUSTERS: UNI LIFE
10
GRAFFITI GROOVE
13
COVERS OFF - THE
USU’S NEW CLOTHES
18
USU DEBATERS IN
MOTHER AFRICA
21
ONLINE PRIVACY: IT EXISTS
28
News
Columns
Competitions
What’s on
Interview
Campus Chatter
Student Lifestyle
Travel
Fashion
Food & Booze
Sport
Science & Tech
Entertainment
Reviews
Mindgames
The Bull Pen
Caught on Campus
04
05
06
08
17
24
31
33
34
35
36
37
38
40
43
45
46
CONTENTS
15/02/11 12:14 PM
4
BULL USUONLINE.COM
NEWS
1 Refreshed: Muscles
is back at Manning Bar
for Beachball
1
2 Gift of the Gab:
Bronwyn Cowell from
the USU partnered Tim
Mooney in the World
University Debating
Chapmionships
The competition was a hot topic
on Twitter, trending in Australia
with competitors sharing some
light hearted jousts, comments
about the oppressing 40 degree
Gaborone heat and the lamented
lack of access to the pool.
Controversially, given the
geopolitical location of the host
nation, the Grand Final motion
of the British Parliamentary –
style competition was, ‘That this
house would invade Zimbabwe’,
on which the USU was closing
government.
2
President of the USU, David
Mann, praised the efforts of the
contingent. “We’ve always had a
strong debating culture here and
our teams worked exceptionally
hard.”
NEWS
MUSCLES RETURNS TO
MANNING FOR EXCLUSIVE
SYDNEY SHOW
After three years out of the
spotlight, popular local DJ and
producer Muscles is back to
headline Manning Bar’s upcoming
start of semester party, Beachball.
The electro maestro is fresh off
the back of a sell-out national
tour and is ready to bring his new
sounds to the University of Sydney
on 3 March 2011, his first gig at
Manning Bar since a blockbuster
show in 2008. Joining him will
be fellow dancefloor fillers, The
Aston Shuffle. The Canberra duo
were voted number one DJs of
the inthemix 50 last year after a
stellar 2010. Capping off a packed
line-up will be Melbourne fourpiece World’s End Press, Softwar
plus several more prime acts.
Beachball kicks off at Manning Bar
on 3 March at 8pm, tickets can
be bought at the Access Desk in
Manning House or online at
www.manningbar.com.au.
USU DEBATERS STILL BEST IN
THE WORLD
The University of Sydney Union
retained its position as the world’s
number one university debating
institution after finishing runnersup in the World University
Debating Championships held in
Botswana earlier this year.
Defending champions, USU A
(represented by team captain Tim
Mooney and Bronwyn Cowell)
suffered a narrow defeat at the
hands of rivals Monash University
in the Grand Final, which also
featured teams from Oxford
University and the London School
of Economics.
The competition, held over
eight days from 27 December
to 3 January, was hosted by the
University of Botswana
in Gaborone.
“Our success highlights the
importance and relevance of
student unions,” he added.
“Opportunities like this
demonstrate the positive impact
on student development that
student unions deliver; whether
it’s an international competition,
or opportunities to grow student
leaders on their own campus.”
Over 1,000 students from more
than 200 universities around the
globe poured into the capital of
the southern African nation for
the competition, which included
an English as a Second Language
competition, won by the University
of Tokyo.
The USU sent a contingent of
15 (five debate teams and five
judges), three of whom made the
list of the top 10 speakers of the
competition; Tim Mooney ranked
second, Bronwyn Cowell fourth
and Patrick Caldwell seventh.
Next year will see the World
Championships head to the
Philippines, to be held at De La
Salle University in Manila.
See page 21 for a behind the
scenes look at theWorld Debating
Championships.
15/02/11 12:14 PM
ISSUE 01
COLOUMNS
COLUMNS
EDITOR’S NOTE
PAUL, ALEX, KIRA AND ANNE
W
ell hi, kids.
It’s a brand
new year, and
Bull is back, bigger, bolder and better
than ever. Our first issue is jam-packed
full of goodies for you to get your filthy,
filthy hands on. Not only have we made
like Sean Parker and dropped the ‘the’,
we’ve gussied ourselves up with a red-hot
redesign that looks pretty damn schmick, if
we say so ourselves. Speaking of branding,
rebranding and all things pretty, we
examine the Univeristy of Sydney Union’s
makeover, and go underground into the
controversial, vibrant world of street art.
We head to darkest Africa to hear the
courageous exploits of our world-class
debating team, and online to teach you
the art of keeping secrets in the age of no
secrets. For all our fresh-faced first years
(BIG welcome, by the way), we’ve been
in the lab busting some eye-opening, noholds-barred University myths, so you can
dive right into O-Week worry-free.
We chat to Generation One’s
inspirational Tania Major, give you the
low-down on how to dress, what to eat and
how to entertain yourself at Uni. Add to
all that a host of regulars like Travel, Sport,
Reviews, a handy-dandy ‘What’s On’ guide
to O-Week, first week and every week, and
the contributions of students uni-wide, and
we’ve served up a pretty tasty first issue, we
reckon. So dig in! Enjoy! Tell your friends!
And welcome to your brand-new Bull.
Love,
The editors.
5
PRESIDENT’S DESK
DAVID MANN
Welcome Freshers!!!!!
At Sydney University, there’s a lot to get your head around in these first
couple of weeks – the best lectures, the best tutorials, the best make-out
spots. But equally (if not more) important is working out just how you can
best throw yourself into the #1 ranked student experience in Australian
universities.
The first thing to know is that your campus life (student activities,
food, entertainment etc) is provided by the University of Sydney Union. I
can remember my first O-Week when I was overwhelmed by the 200odd Clubs and Societies, a huge student leadership program, a massive
entertainment and party program, the world’s #1 ranked debating
program, discounts on and off campus, publications, bars… the list was
endless.
I wasn’t from Sydney, had never heard of the Captain Planet
Appreciation Society and I’d never debated before in my life. Now, if I
choose, I can stroll into a Wednesday evening debating seminar, check into
Manning Bar for the latest comedy act, catch a guest speaker at a Politics
Society event, admire the latest student works at the Verge Art Gallery, or
even volunteer to tutor local school kids. The choice is yours.
With almost 12,000 members on campus, more and more students are
realising the central role the USU plays in introducing you to a network of
life-long friendships and life-changing experiences. Three years on I’m still
convinced being a member of the USU was the best decision I ever made.
I guarantee that you’ll feel the same.
Enjoy O-Week, get involved and most importantly, have fun!
STUDENT PROGRAMS
ALISTAIR COWIE
Welcome back to the funhouse, people!
In 2010 the University of Sydney was awarded, for the fourth consecutive
year, the National Union of Students Best University Student Experience
Award. In 2011 we’re going for five in a row, but not without your
participation, inspiration and hard work.
O-Week was (is) the opportunity for you to see exactly why it is we
are number one: 200 Club stalls, bands, competitions, plays, bbqs, dances,
comedians, famous alumni, parties, lectures, sports events, debates, free
food… And maybe you found love...
Whatever your O-Week experience was (is) you’ll be set up for the
rest of the year. That’s because the Union is here to compliment your
academic studies. The USU is the yin to the University’s yang; the peaches
to their cream; the Hamish to their Andy. A wise Vice Chancellor once
said: ‘it would be a shame were our students to graduate with just a first
class honours degree’. Co-curricular activity, such as that provided by the
USU, is vital to your development: socially, culturally and intellectually. The
USU is proud to work with the University in the ongoing management of
programs that offer you – our raison d’etre – opportunities unique to the
award-winning University of Sydney student experience.
A secret to our success is that students themselves actively involved
in the Union’s decision -making and programming processes. Firstly our
Board of Directors is made up of 11 students elected from the student
body. Secondly, several of our programs are directly managed by students,
while our student committees help us keep everything rewarding and
relevant for the campus community.
Nominations for election to Board open on Wednesday 23 February.
Put your hand up and have a crack – you could be the next Michael Kirby,
Malcolm Turnbull or Dame Constance D’Arcy! We are also accepting
applications for four new roles: two Humanitarian Week Directors and
two Interfaith Week Directors. All these roles are remunerated (i.e. we pay
you!). For more info see our website.
Have a great year. Join the USU. Get involved. See you next issue.
15/02/11 12:14 PM
6
BULL USUONLINE.COM
COMPETITIONS
CAPTION
COMPETITION
WIN A COMMONWEALTH BANK
HEAPS FREE PRIZE PACK
What’s cooler than a cooler? A REMOTE CONTROLLED
cooler! The Commonwealth Bank and Bull are giving
away an awesome Heaps Free Prize pack to whoever can
come up with the funniest caption to this edition’s photo.
Included in the pack is an RC
Cooler, to bring you drinks at
WIN!
your beck and call – plus five
Sony Music CDs to provide thee
20!
tunes. Total value of around $220!
So get cracking – send your
ingeniously hilarious caption
to [email protected]
ls.
include name and contact details.
ail
Winners will be notified by email
d
and the winning caption printed
in the next edition.
WIN A
DOUBLE-PASS
TO CREAMFIELDS!
Creamfields is back in 2011 with an epic
line-up, led by none other than superstar DJ
DEADMAU5! The Canadian dance legend
will be joined by a huge list of other top DJs
when Creamfields hits Sydney’s Horden
Pavillion and Showring on 30 April. To
mark the grand occasion – Bull magazine is
giving away THREE DOUBLE-PASSES
to lucky readers.
To enter the draw, send
your name and details
(email, phone number
and favourite animal) to
[email protected].
WIN!
WIN A DOUBLE-PASS
TO HALL PASS!
Rick (Owen Wilson) and Fred (Jason
Sudeikis) are best friends. They have
each been married for many years.
The two men begin to show signs of
restlessness and their wives decide to
grant them a ‘hall pass,’ one week of
freedom to do whatever they want...
no questions asked.
WIN!
Thanks to Warner Brothers Pictures,
we are giving away 15 double-passes to
see Hall Pass. Out in cinemas 3 March.
To enter the draw, send your
name and details (email, phone
number and favourite colour) to
[email protected].
Entries for all competitions close 10 March 2011.
COMPETITIONS
15/02/11 12:14 PM
ISSUE 01
SECTION HEADING
Join us
today
for just
$55.
7
7ITHTHREEONCAMPUSHEALTHÞTNESSCENTRES
over 30 recreation courses and more than
SPORTING CLUBS WHETHER YOUmRE A SOCIAL
SPORTSMAN OR AN /LYMPIC ATHLETE OUR ANNUAL
MEMBERSHIP GIVES YOU ACCESS TO AN AMAZING
RANGE OF BENEÞTS AT AN UNBEATABLE PRICE
www.susf.com.au
15/02/11 12:15 PM
8
BULL USUONLINE.COM
WHAT’S ON
WHAT’S ON
YOUR GUIDE TO THE PLACES TO BE ON CAMPUS.
WE’LL GIVE YOU THE WHEN AND WHERE – YOU SHOW UP AND ENJOY.
TO SEE EVERYTHING THAT’S GOING ON (AND THERE’S A LOT) VISIT
WWW.USUONLINE.COM AND CLICK THE CALENDAR.
BECOME A BELOVED REGULAR EVERY WEEK!
MONDAYS
MNML MNDAYS (DJ SESSION)
Run by student DJs
1-2pm, Manning Bar
POKER
5-8pm, Hermann’s Bar
FREE FILM SCREENINGS
TUESDAYS
TUESDAY TALKS
1-2pm, Manning Bar
AUSTRALIAN
DISCUSSION GROUPS
3-5pm, International Student
Lounge
THERE WILL BE POPCORN!
ROCK YA BALLS BINGO
Monday 6-8pm, International
5-6pm, Manning Bar
Student Lounge
KRAZY KARAOKE
7-10pm, Hermann’s Bar.
WEDNESDAYS
PROJECT 52 COMEDY
FORTNIGHTLY MARKETS
11am-3pm, Jane Foss Russell
Plaza
ACOUSTIC SESSION
Student performers
1-2pm, Manning Bar
HERMANN’S TRIVIA
MANNING TRIVIA
5-6pm, Manning Bar
7.30-10.30pm, Hermann’s Bar
BEAT THE SYSTEM
FRIDAYS
SUNSET JAZZ
6-9pm, Manning Bar
WEEKEND WARM-UP
THURSDAYS
Student DJs
THEATRESPORTS
STUDENT DJS
1-2pm, Manning Bar
AUSTRALIAN DISCUSSION
GROUPS
3-5pm, Int. Student Lounge
5-8pm, Manning Bar
FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE
8pm, Hermann’s Bar
POOL COMP & PRIZES
4-6pm, Int. Student Lounge
COMPETITION & APPLICATION DATES
BEACHBALL 2011
MUSCLES / THE ASTON SHUFFLE / WORLD’S END
PRESS / SOFTWAR + MANY MORE!
Thursday 3 March 2011
8pm, Manning Bar
Sydney Uni’s legendary start of year party is back with its
most amazing line-up yet! Back on the Thursday of Week
1 there is no excuse to stop partying just ‘cos O-Week
finished!
Beachball 2011 is guaranteed to sell out so get your tickets
early to avoid being disappointed. Whoever you are,
1st year or post grad, this event is gonna blow your minds!
Tickets Available from the
ACCESS Desk or online at
www.manningbar.com
$10+BF for USU
Access members,
$20+BF general admission.
SHOW OFF SOME MAD SKILLZ
AND WIN SOME GREAT PRIZES!
BOARD ELECTIONS NOMINATIONS
Open: 23 Feb / Close: 13 Apr
2012 O-WEEK DIRECTORS APPLICATIONS
Open: 23 Feb / Close: 06 May
2011 HUMANITARIAN WEEK DIRECTORS
APPLICATIONS
2011 INTERFAITH WEEK DIRECTORS
APPLICATIONS
SYDNEY UNI BAND COMPETITION & DJ
COMPETITION APPLICATIONS
TIXS
T-SHIRT COMP APPLICATIONS
Open: 01 Mar / Close: 21 Apr
Online Voting: 02 to 13 May
MICHAEL KIRBY PLAIN SPEAKING
COMPETITION
Open: 01 Mar / Close: 08 Apr
Heats: 12, 13, 14 April
Semi Final: 03 & 05 May
Grand Final: 12 May
HAIRY GUERRILLA: SEMESTER ONE SHORT
FILM COMPETITION
Theme Announced: 17 Mar / Close: 21
Mar, 5pm
KICK START GRANTS Applications
Close: 04 Mar / 01 Apr / 06 May
03 Jun / 01 Jul
PALM AWARDS
Open: 02 May / Close 12 Aug
SHAVED GORILLA: SECOND SEMESTER
SHORT FILM COMP
Theme Announced: 03 Jun
CALL FOR VERGE VOLLIES
25 Jul
Details correct at time of printing but may be
subject to change. Please check www.usuonline.
com for current details.
15/02/11 12:15 PM
ISSUE 01
WHAT’S ON
WEDNESDAY 23 FEBRUARY
DEEP SEA UV
PARTY
7pm, Manning Bar
Get your glow on as USU
welcomes you with free glowsticks
to an all UV Party. So don your
whites and fluoro’s and get ready
to party under the sea!
Access FREE / General $5
18+
THURSDAY 24 FEBRUARY
FRIDAY 25 FEBRUARY
7pm, McLaurin Hall
1pm, Hermann’s Bar
Feat: TRIPOD // Axis of Awesome
Project 52 // hosted by the Chaser’s
Julian Morrow.
Feat: The Holidays // Jinja Safari
The Eagle and the Worm // fishing
// idea idea // plus the O-Week
Battle of the Bands winner.
CAMPUS COMEDY BANDS AHOY!
Some of Australia’s best musical
comedians are joining us for
an evening of campus comedy
shenanigans. Come see the best
comedy Sydney has to offer!
Access $10 / General $15
ALL AGES
www.oweek.com.au
9
These Triple J Hottest 100
nominees will be sure to provide
you with an evening to remember
throughout your uni days. Enjoy
the festival vibes as we farewell
O-Week in style!
FREE / General $5
18+
15/02/11 12:15 PM
10
BULL USUONLINE.COM
FEATURE
MYTHBUSTERS:
UNI LIFE
ANNE WIDJAJA
TELLS IT LIKE IT IS, MINUS
THE EXPLOSIONS.
U
pon first glance at the glossy University of Sydney
brochure that arrived in my mailbox before O-Week,
I instantly began to imagine my future university
life as a three-dimensional extension of that front cover.
I longed to be part of that racially diverse, cross-faculty
friendship group. I couldn’t wait to lie on the grass, soak up
the sunshine and show off my carefree, yet attractive laugh!
Four years into my degree later, I realised that re-creating
this vision in real life would be more challenging than I
would have initially expected. After much consideration of
my own initial mythic-sized expectations of uni life, I would
like to pass on to you dear reader, the following myth
busted truths.
Note: this article should give you a good idea of
the type of cynicism that will help you fit in with older
students. Especially if you’re in the Arts faculty, being jaded
is highly respected.
15/02/11 12:17 PM
ISSUE 01
FEATURE
1
MYTH: SYDNEY UNI IS
CONTAINED TO THE QUAD
(WHICH IS JUST LIKE
HOGWARTS!!)
UNI WORK VS THE HSC
It’s true that, especially at night, the Great Hall
does look like the Great Hall in the Harry Potter
movies. It’s also true that the only time you will
see the Great Hall is your graduation ceremony.
On the bright side, there will be plenty of
time for you to imagine floating candles and
pumpkin-based beverages during the hours of
name reading that you will have to endure.You
should also know that there’s a good chance
you may never have a class in the Quad, which
is actually a blessing given its poorly ventilated
rooms and battles with Boggarts in the form
of your darkest fear. However, you will be at
least be free to sit along and wander by the
picturesque sandstone walls. Whilst you’re at it,
you should try and find the somewhat hidden
passageway to the Holme Building on Science
Road. Unfortunately though, it requires no
secret password to reveal itself.
Also know that the grass in the quad is
almost always roped off or being mowed,
exclusively used only as a backdrop for the uni’s
promotional material. Never fear! The Front
Lawns, law lawns and the grasses opposite
Fisher Library are more than sufficiently grassy
for tired student behinds.
2
MYTH: JOINING EVERY CLUB
AND SOCIETY ON CAMPUS
GUARANTEES YOU’LL BE
SUPER INVOLVED AT UNI
It is very easy to fall under the spell of those
colourful little tents and sign up to every Club
and Society under the sun. Fight your urge
to join for that free bag of jellybeans! A good
rule of thumb is to join three or four societies
and make a serious commitment to all of them
because you care about their niche cause. Join a
Society because you didn’t know that you would
find anyone else in the world that would admit
to writing Jane Austen fanfiction. The Clubs
and Societies program is really the gem of uni
life and is an easy way to get involved and meet
like minded people. Start off with joining your
faculty society, make a note of events, go to
the meetings and get amongst it! Just don’t go
overboard.
11
You can really get a good pick of subjects that
you’re actually going to like when at uni. From
Medieval Studies to Astrology, you can find
subjects that you never knew could be remotely
considered academic. This doesn’t always mean
that your workload will be any less than in year
12, but it shouldn’t be anywhere near as painful
(at least not at first). Another bonus is that you’ll
have a hectic period of holiday time to escape the
country on that Contiki tour you’ve always wanted
to join, and recover from intense semesters.
Appreciate this sweet, sweet time that you have
to stall your exposure to the real world!
3
MYTH: SYDNEY UNI IS
CONTAINED TO THE QUAD
(WHICH IS JUST LIKE
HOGWARTS!!)
It’s true that, especially at night, the Great Hall
does look like the Great Hall in the Harry Potter
movies. It’s also true that the only time you will
see the Great Hall is your graduation ceremony.
On the bright side, there will be plenty of
time for you to imagine floating candles and
pumpkin-based beverages during the hours of
name reading that you will have to endure.You
should also know that there’s a good chance
you may never have a class in the Quad, which
is actually a blessing given its poorly ventilated
rooms and battles with Boggarts in the form
of your darkest fear. However, you will be at
least be free to sit along and wander by the
picturesque sandstone walls. Whilst you’re at it,
you should try and find the somewhat hidden
passageway to the Holme Building on Science
Road. Unfortunately though, it requires no
secret password to reveal itself.
Also know that the grass in the quad is
almost always roped off or being mowed,
exclusively used only as a backdrop for the uni’s
promotional material. Never fear! The Front
Lawns, law lawns and the grasses opposite
Fisher Library are more than sufficiently grassy
for tired student behinds.
15/02/11 12:17 PM
1
12
BULL USUONLINE.COM
FEATURE
4
MYTH: LECTURES WILL BE
AN ENLIGHTENING EXCHANGE
OF IDEAS WITH OTHER
BRILLIANT MINDS
Unfortunately life for the average student is not
as glamorous as Hollywood leads us to believe.
Your first year classes will not be made up
of a handful of students who all have equally
insightful and fundamentally challenging ideas
to express to your oh-so-wise lecturer. A more
realistic scenario in compulsory first year
courses is a lecturer struggling to control an
overflowing lecture hall containing a hundred
restless students, all of whom are too busy
playing solitaire and checking Facebook on
their Macbooks to listen. Save your opinions on
climate change denial and Marxism for tutorials,
where you actually can discuss extremely
open-ended questions with the five per cent of
your class that have actually done the readings.
Take comfort in the fact that the quality of your
classes will improve exponentially as you get
further into your majors.
6
MYTH:
MEETING NEW PEOPLE IS EASY
Making friends in your first year can go down
two shaky paths.You can either alienate your
w
high school friends by making a whole new
rtably
group of uni friends, or you can comfortably
he school
move your high school clique from the
nue. Be wary
lawns to the lawns on Eastern Avenue.
nturing down
of doing either, but know that venturing
the middle is a rewarding, but at first scary path.
Everybody in first year is a little bit intimidated
-the-big-pond scenario,
by the small-fish-back-in-the-big-pond
ard to make new friends,
meaning it can seem hard
especially in degreess with huge cohorts e.g.
Commerce, Arts, Law. Whilst this can count as
me at first, it does get easier the
valuable ‘me’ time
ake an effort. Everybody is in the
more you make
same boat and whilst it may not seem like it,
ody wants to meet new people. It’s just
everybody
hard to break the ice. Put yourself out there and
at to the person sitting next to you in lectures
chat
and tutes, you may just be warming up to the
next K Rudd over a mutual love for dim sims in
your first Mandarin class. The friends you make
in your first
first year are likely to hang around
for life.
CAMPUS
BEYOND THE QUAD
5
MYTH: WEARING YOUR
YEAR 12 JERSEY IS VERY
COOL AND RESPECTABLE
The Transient Building is also
not at all magical as the name would
suggest, just really ugly. In fact, past
City Rd and the Institute Building, the
campus gets pretty displeasing to the eye.
Not only is there no sandstone here, but
it’s exclusively populated by Commerce
and Engineering students. To cover up
these aesthetic inadequacies, Sydney
Uni students cope well by putting
down the UTS building i.e.
the Tower of Sauron.
This one really speaks for itself. Prepare to
be judged harshly for committing the above
offence. It’s time to let go of the memories and
move that jersey from the light of day into night
wear/pyjama territory.
15/02/11 12:18 PM
ISSUE 01
FEATURE
13
Graffiti; (singular: graffito; plural used as mass noun) letters or images
scratched, etched, scribbled or marked on any surface or property.
GRAFFITI
GROOVE
KIRA SPUCYS-TAHAR
ENTERS THE WORLD OF TAG
GGIN
NG
TAGGING,
HEAVENS,, THROW-UPS AND
D SCRIBES.
S
T
he streets of Sydney are a
veritable patchwork of graffiti.
Honouring the ancient
traditions of hieroglyphics and
the etchings found on the walls
of Pompeii, the graffiti of today is
as much about producing iconic
political works as it is about letting
off some steam and having your
name known.
15/02/11 4:07 PM
14
BULL USUONLINE.COM
FEATURE
Contemporary styles of graffiti originated in
Philadelphia and New York City during the
1960s. The bold new trend was not the defacing
of public surfaces, but the increasing number
of people with something to say, which forced
inventiveness in style. Stylised signature known
as ‘tags’ became elaborate with various fonts,
colours and techniques used to distinguish the
different ‘scribes’. This was combined with
daring attempts to use new mediums such as
trains, buses and highly visible public spaces as
their canvases.
As hip-hop culture migrated to Australia
from the United States in the 1980s, new forms
of graffiti such as full-blown mural pieces began
appearing in Sydney. It’s interesting, then, that
the Graffiti Tunnel at the University of Sydney
was actually founded in the 1960s.
The Graffiti Tunnel is an institution at the
University. The walls and floors are covered
in thick layers of aerosol paint from years
of elections, campaigns and general student
mayhem. The University’s administrators
originally opened the Tunnel as a means of
deterring petty vandalism on the campus
by allowing room for artistic expression in a
concentrated space. They were also fuelled
by the increasing amount of protest, at the
time, against the Vietnam War. Nowadays it’s
filled with slogans, witticisms and stencil art
– students take pride in our colourful cavern.
There are rumours that one day the tunnel
will be merely a slip of a passage, due to the
encroaching nature of the walls as they receive
each coat of fresh paint. It’s hard to imagine
this would ever happen though, as the students
would long for their space of legal artistic
expression.
The Tunnel is an example of living history.
Walking the streets of the inner city, you can
see the various artistic movements present in
the graffiti – post-modernism, pop art and
surrealism are all influences on the suburban
galleries. Allowing the legal production of
graffiti art means young people are less likely to
be arrested for vandalism or trespassing.
Police are often seen as the enemy by youth
as they threaten the street artist lifestyle. There
are specialist police squads and laws against
graffitists carry harsh penalties. Spray-cans
are difficult to purchase in an attempt to make
the weapon of choice less accessible. In 2006,
the government even went so far as to ban a
computer game for sale in Australia due to the
depiction of graffiti.
“THE WORKS REFLECT THE DIVERSITY
AND CHARACTER OF THE COMMUNITY”
15/02/11 12:19 PM
ISSUE 01 15
1
FEATURE
Strong opinions divide communities about
where this type of expression should take
place and whether or not it is ‘art’. Do we
want the clean or the colourful? Residents are
often furious about the offensive tagging that
takes place on their private property such as
fences and garden walls. They view graffiti as
‘unsavoury’ and a blatant attempt at territorial
marking by cocksure young adult males to
display bravado among peers, rebel against ‘the
man’ and develop some kind of street cred.
And it’s true - artists experience a thrill
in creating a throw-up (an evolved, rapid tag)
or a heaven (a piece daubed in a precarious
space such as a billboard or high rise window).
However, street artists view their work as a
form of calligraphy, marking artistic space.
They attempt to create meaningful expressions
and breathe life into the monotonous urban
landscape. They use drains and public transport
as a training ground to learn and improve. They
take time to develop their skills and become
inspired to create great works.
The preferred term is ‘street art’ not graffiti.
These are often political works not seen as
simply defacing public property, but offering
a non-violent means of communication. The
City of Sydney Council has a zero tolerance
policy on graffiti and has extremely high rates
of petty vandalism. Marrickville Council, which
covers the Newtown area, encourages creativity
but attempts to balance this with the rights and
desires of local residents. A struggle has recently
occurred over the ‘Ban the Burqa’ mural as the
community is divided over its worth – should
it remain or be painted over? The Council has,
however, permitted the survival of various iconic
works including the ‘Three Proud People’,
‘Martin Luther King’ and ‘Africa’ murals.
Another example of supported, legal graffiti
is the Bondi Beach mural wall running the
length of the promenade. The works reflect
the diversity and character of the community
including a memorial to the victims of the Bali
bombings and a memorial for the ANZACs.
These pieces represent political history and
milestones sitting alongside fun and frivolous
works of aerosol art. Each artist must be given
permission from the council and the work is
monitored to ensure it complements the free
expanse. The murals and tags are respected by
the other street artists and there are minimal
rates of malicious vandalism in the region.
Street art has even caught the academic
world’s attention. Senior Lecturer in Urban
Geography at the University of Sydney, Dr
Kurt Iveson wrote in a 2009 article: ‘Graffiti
will not be eradicated, so we ought to develop
policy measures which have the more modest
but achievable goal of shifting graffiti-writing
“Do we want
the clean or the
colourful?”
practice towards those forms and locations
of graffiti that are better liked (or at least
more tolerable)’.
Such is the ubiquity of graffiti and street
art in Sydney recently several short films have
been made about the phenomenon. These have
included ‘The Urban Canvas’ and ‘Tagged’ by
University of Sydney students studying media
and communications. These student films
join works by the likes of the notorious, British
anonymous graffiti artist Banksy, whose film
‘Exit Through the Giftshop’ received critical
acclaim when it premiered in 2010.
Not everyone can or wants to access an art
gallery. Legalalised spaces for graffiti and street
art allow exposure to innovative colour, beauty
and ideas without being destructive or forceful.
These pieces belong to no-one and everyone at
the same time.
15/02/11 12:20 PM
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15/02/11 12:20 PM
ISSUE 01
INTERVIEW
W
e spoke with
Generation One
spokesperson and
2007 Young Australian
of the Year Tania Major
about dedicating her life
to fighting for the cause of
Indigenous Australians.
AT 21 YOU BECAME THE YOUNGEST ELECTED REGIONAL
COUNCILLOR IN THE ABORIGINAL AND TORRES STRAIT
ISLANDER COMMISSION. AT 26 YOU WON THE TITLE
OF YOUNG AUSTRALIAN OF THE YEAR AND ALSO WON
SEVERAL OTHER PRESTIGIOUS AWARDS. WHAT DID YOU
INITIALLY SET OUT TO ACHIEVE?
I grew up in a very disadvantaged community
where the original inhabitants of the land did not
have the opportunity to really get an education my mother wasn’t given the right to be educated
because of the colour of her skin. Growing up
in that background really inspired me to step
up and make a difference. The only way I could
make a change was by taking a stand and getting
an education, breaking barriers that no one in
my community or my region have really ever
successfully achieved. A lot of Australia would
take for granted the opportunity to get a good
education, or the opportunity to walk into the
gates of Sydney University.
YOU MENTIONED IN A PAPER THAT YOU WROTE THAT YOU
WERE THE ONLY STUDENT IN YOUR YEAR 8 COHORT THAT
HAD NOT BEEN TO PRISON OR WAS ADDICTED TO DRUGS
OR ALCOHOL.
I took the responsibility on at a young age to
be a role model and that was hard work. I just
thought to myself, in order to put an end to
17
this, you’ve got to do something about it. At
13 I decided there and then that this is what
I wanted to do.
WHAT WAS YOUR UNIVERSITY EXPERIENCE LIKE?
In Brisbane I did my degree in Criminology,
and then in 2009 I graduated from Sydney
University with masters in Public Policy. I lived
at Women’s College. My time [at Sydney Uni]
was very structured. I lived between Women’s
College, uni, my lectures, the gym, and the
airport. I didn’t party much. Actually I lie!
My first party and my last party ever was at
STUCCO, I think it was an O-Week function.
That was fun. I did enjoy my time away from
Queensland and politics, and being in an
environment where everybody didn’t know who
you were.You were treated equally as a student
and your opinion mattered. Being at Sydney
University I found the support structures,
the cultural diversity, and the networks just
phenomenal. I actually miss it to be honest.
WHAT MOTIVATED YOU TO GET INVOLVED IN
GENERATION ONE?
Since becoming Australian of the Year, with
people that I’d meet, [I found] Australians gave
a freakin’ damn about the plight of Aboriginal
people. [But] there was really no avenue in play
so I could direct their goodwill and support. I
didn’t know nationally what was going on. In
2009 Andrew [Forrest, founder of Generation
One] came to Cairns and contacted me and
asked me to become a spokesperson, I jumped
at that opportunity. Now I can actually give
people something to say hey! we can make
a difference.
WHAT IS GENERATION ONE?
We believe that the disparity [between
indigenous and non-indigenous peoples] can
be changed in one generation. Four of our main
pillars are education, employment, training
and mentoring. All behind this is a political
imperative, the more we have indigenous people
in positions of influence the more stereotypes
can be broken down. We’re about giving
indigenous people [employment] opportunities,
where indigenous people and non-indigenous
people can work together. It’s about trying to
shift the attitudes of wider Australia. For so long
in Australia, the plight of Aboriginal people has
[either] been a black problem or a government
"The plight of
Aboriginal people
has [either] been
a black problem
or a government
problem… it’s
actually a national
disgrace."
problem…it’s actually a national disgrace.
We’re trying to bring it to the forefront of the
Australian psyche.
IN AN INTERVIEW WITH ANDREW DENTON IN 2007
YOU AGREED THAT IT WAS RIGHT FOR FORMER PRIME
MINSTER JOHN HOWARD TO DECLARE A STATE OF
EMERGENCY IN THE NORTHERN TERRITORY. HAS YOUR
OPINION CHANGED?
I actually talk to people working in the
communities, and for some communities it’s
actually working fantastically. It’s changing lives.
I know we can’t please everybody, I know my
opinions are going to upset people. I don’t really
care. It’s so easy for us to say ‘oh my god, how
could you do that to these people?’ For so long
in Australian history with Aboriginal affairs,
it’s always been [about] blame, blame, blame,
victimisation, with no real solution. At the end of
the day, challenging conversations about things
like the intervention need to happen, with people
like me saying publicly I support it.
TANIA MAJOR
INTERVIEW
15/02/11 12:21 PM
18
BULL USUONLINE.COM
FEATURE
T
BULL MAGAZINE
LIFTS THE COVERS OFF THE NEW LOOK USU
h
hose
who have been in and
around campus for some time
may already have noticed
that the USU looks a bit different.
Actually, the very fact you are
reading this magazine should have
tipped you off about the all new
facelift undergone by our beloved
student union.
THE USU’S
NEW CLOTHES
15/02/11 12:21 PM
ISSUE 01
FEATURE
EVOLUTION OF THE LOGO
ORIGINAL LOGO
1990’S
MID 1990’S
“We
really wanted
to pick the brains of
students – find out what
an ideal student union is
in their minds – and then
work hard to make that a
reality in the USU.”
-David Mann,
USU President.
90’S - 2006
2006 - 2011
2011
19
A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE USU
1874
The USU started life as a debating
society, similar to societies founded in
Oxford and Cambridge.
1884
The Union is given a common room for
meetings, soon the membership would
outgrow the space and require extensions
and dedicated building.
1892
The Sydney Uni Women’s Association is
formed, shortly followed by the Women’s
Debating Society.
1906
The University Senate grants the Union
10,000 pounds for a new building (now
known as the Holme Building).
1911
A constitution is adopted, a patron elected
with three administrative committees and
a set of regulations.
The University itself underwent its own facelift
two years ago, introducing a new logo, new
colours and new feel to shake off an antiquated
image and adjust to a modern era. And now, the
USU, Australia’s largest student union, and one
nearly as old as the University itself, has done the
same. By talking and listening to students and
finding out what they want, the USU learned the
right direction to take to continue to provide the
best student experience found in an Australian
university.
Gone is the regal blue and old-fashioned
crest, and in is a bold, vibrant yellow, white and
black livery and modern shield. New look, new
merchandise, new products, new initiatives
and new and revamped facilities are also to be
unveiled by the new-look USU. Everything the
USU provides will be optimised and improved
to suit the needs of students, from the Access
program, to food, retail and the bars, to Clubs
and Societies and the entire range of other
student programs.
BEHIND THE REBRAND
The USU’s rebrand was not simply change for
change’s sake– it was borne out of a long and
incredibly deep research project - the largest
in the USU’s 136-year history. The research
obtained insights, opinions and ideas from more
than 1,500 students, staff and other campusdwellers. The research was undertaken in late
2009 and provided a basis and strategy for the
USU’s rebrand project, which was developed
throughout 2010.
The key finding from the research was
students wanted the Union to serve student
interests, to listen and take notice and to be for
all students, not just a few. They also indicated
the USU brand was dull and old fashioned;
that it needed to be more contemporary and
show obvious links to the University, to which
the USU has always shared a close relationship
and mutual sense of duty to serve the students.
For example, the shield is derived from the
University’s crest. Furthermore, much feedback
was given specifically on the USU’s sub brands
(such as Access and the Bull magazine), which
helped give the USU a clear direction to steer.
Using this information, four brand concepts
were tested on students; with the resultant
brand you now see receiving an overwhelmingly
positive response – only two per cent of students
stated they weren’t in favour of the logo.
WE ARE…
1912
The first ever meeting of the Board of
Directors in held on 14 November.
1917
Manning House is opened to facilitate the
growing Women’s Union.
1960
New legislation sees a boom in student
numbers at Sydney University, while
cooperation between the Union and the
Women’s Union increases.
1972
The original ‘Men’s’ Union and Women’s
Union finally merge and Dr Phillip Jones
becomes President of the ‘new’
united Union.
The USU has also adopted the new tagline ‘We
Are…’ This simple, but effective lead is followed
by a varying phrases, such as ‘evolutionary’, ‘notfor-profit’, ‘diverse’ ‘entertainment,’ and ‘your
union’ – reflecting the range of services the USU
provides the campus.
1995
TO INFINITY AND BEYOND
Voluntary Student Unionism creates a
major funding challenge for the USU.
The Access Membership Program
is launched.
The USU has long been a chief contributor
to the ‘student experience’ that the University
of Sydney is renowned for (USYD has been
ranked the best student experience provider by the
National Union of Students for the last three years).
The new look is another step in organisation’s long
and proud history of listening and providing for an
ever-changing campus community.
A major survey of students includes
questions on all aspects of the USU’s
operations. A new logo is commissioned.
2006
2009
Major research is conducted and the
USU rebrands itself to become more
contemporary and relevant.
15/02/11 12:22 PM
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ISSUE 01 21
FEATURE
sem
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adipiscing urna pharetra a auctor leo volutpat. Duis faucibus
vitae sollicitudin justo tincidunt id. Praesent ornare, nunc eget pellentesque congue, metus ipsum scelerisque
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in felis semper ultrices. Class aptent taciti sociosqu
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D
ebaters have a reputation as being the most
obnoxious people in the room. Whether that’s
a fair assessment or a hang-up from high
school days when most debaters’ confidence far
outstrips their ability is itself debatable. But what
is certain is that the University of Sydney can be
proud because debaters representing the University
of Sydney Union have once again achieved
exceptionally good results at the World Universities
Debating Championships in Botswana.
RAMBLE
IN THE JUNGLE
PAUL KARP REPORTS ON WORLD UNIVERSITIES DEBATING
CHAMPIONSHIPS, THIS YEAR HELD IN MOTHER AFRICA
15/02/11 12:22 PM
22
BULL USUONLINE.COM
FEATURE
The most common question I heard before
debating at the tournament was from people
wanting to know why it was being held in the
southern African nation of Botswana. The
uncharitable answer is that the University of
Botswana, having bid twice unsuccessfully, was
on the third occasion unchallenged in their bid
to host the tournament, which was held from
27 December 2010 to 4 January 2011. The
more polite answer, provided by the convenor
Justice Motlhabane at every opportunity, is
that it was a unique opportunity to boost the
participation of African universities at the World
Championships. This year universities from 10
African states were represented as opposed to as
few as three in leaner years.
While laudable that the tournament allowed
more African universities to compete, it was
nevertheless beset by some testing conditions.
Even the best intentioned of organising
committees would have struggled to deal with
Botswana’s unique challenges – debaters were
to contend with scorching temperatures and
lack of air-conditioned rooms to compete
in. Unfortunate organisational blunders
compounded the situation, such as soap-less,
toilet paper-less bathrooms, under-catering and
delays for food that held up the tournament.
Complaints about these problems could
be characterised as a case of fussy debaters
with first world problems, but the organising
committee’s explanation to World’s Council that
‘This Is Africa’ was vigorously rejected by many,
including the South African delegation, who let
“the delegates cheered
the grand final teams
enthusiastically to the
stage before resuming
vigorous fanning
motions to combat
the heat.”
actions speak louder than words by organising a
very successful social at short notice.
Africa had its advantages, the best of which
was the travel possibilities after the tournament.
Most in the Sydney contingent opted for an
eight-day safari after the tournament. We saw an
also indirectly with the notionally friendly team
on their side of the topic. After nine preliminary
rounds, 32 teams qualify for octo finals. Two
teams progress from every debate in successive
rounds of octo, quarter and semi finals until a
grand final, the winner of which is the champion
of the 340 team tournament.
The University of Sydney Union performed
admirably. Of six teams from the USU, four
qualified for finals. Sydney A (Tim Mooney
and Bronwyn Cowell) were grand finalists, and
Sydney B (Patrick Caldwell and Paul Karp) and
Sydney D (Giselle Kenny and Domenic Bowes)
were semi-finalists. Sydney C (Elle Jones and
Daniel Swain) were by all accounts very unlucky
to be eliminated from their octo final. Three
of the top 10 speakers in the world were from
Sydney (Tim Mooney 2nd, Bronwyn Cowell
4th and Patrick Caldwell 7th). These efforts,
while slightly short of those of the victorious
combination of the USU’s Steve Hind and Chris
Croke last year, were enough to maintain our
ranking as the number one debating institution
in the world.
The grand final was held in the Sir Seretse
Khama Barracks Auditorium, one of the few
venues voluminous enough to accommodate
the massive tournament. Watched over by
WE WERE AWED FURTHER WHEN WE WITNESSED A
HERD OF ELEPHANTS CROSS THE RIVER
BEFORE OUR VERY EYES
extraordinary variety of animals in abundance:
elephants, rhinoceroses, hippopotamuses (of the
non hip-hop variety), zebras, impalas, giraffes,
and crocodiles. Africa offered them up at every
opportunity; in areas of true wilderness like the
Okavango Delta; in protected areas like Khama
Rhino Sanctuary; and in the case of giraffes and
elephants often just by the side of the road when
driving between destinations. One highlight
was Chobe National Park, where amid the lush
greenery our river cruise took us down the
Zambezi River as hippos and crocs circled our
boat. We were awed further when we witnessed
a herd of elephants cross the river before our
very eyes. The trip concluded at Victoria Falls.
At the border of Zambia and Zimbabwe these
mighty waterfalls are twice the height of Niagara
Falls, and longer too. The roaring mass of water
that crashes at the bottom of the gorge, sends a
constant upward spray, soaking onlookers and
forging beautiful rainbows that adorn every
photo as if the sublime force of nature in the
background were not enough.
The competition itself was as hotly
contested as the climate in which it was held.
Worlds is conducted in British Parliamentary
Style, where each debate consists of four teams
of two speakers. Two teams affirm the topic and
two teams negate it, with every team competing
both directly against the two opposing teams but
portraits of Botswanan generals, the delegates
cheered the grand final teams enthusiastically
to the stage before resuming vigorous fanning
motions to combat the heat. The topic: ‘That we
should invade Zimbabwe,’ was for debaters at
this level both very familiar and predictable for
a tournament in Southern Africa. As a result,
the Opening Government team from Australian
rivals Monash University started the debate
very solidly with a firm grasp of the issue of
responsibility to protect, and the imperative
to act specifically through invasion. Opening
Opposition from Oxford University countered
with an extraordinary depth of knowledge
15/02/11 12:23 PM
ISSUE 01
FEATURE
of Zimbabwean politics and African conflict,
conceding issues of principle and focusing
the debate on the unlikely success of invasion
and the attendant harms. The cakewalk of
an invasion envisaged by Monash had been
problematised brilliantly; the debate was now
as fierce and uncertain as the putative conflict.
USU A at Closing Government impressively
Monash were the eventual winners, but the
announcement took a nervy two hours during
which our hopes and dreams were well oiled by
the offerings at one of the tournament’s boozier
nights. Victor Finkel and Fiona Prowse from
Monash were very deserving winners. They
rank first and third in the world respectively
and both have been previous grand finalists, but
other possible results suggest themselves to our
23
the result even before the anxious participants
themselves. Twitter was also set alight during
the tournament. My parents overcame their
objection to Twitter to follow the results online,
bemused by the superabundance of comment
and analysis on the Twitterverse compared
to the relative dearth of actual results. “What
makes these people think we want to read their
conjecture about the result of the debates?” they
“THIS YEAR UNIVERSITIES FROM 10 AFRICAN STATES WERE
REPRESENTED AS OPPOSED TO AS FEW AS THREE IN PAST YEARS.”
reclaimed the initiative regarding the likelihood
of winning the war, before extending the debate
by hypothesising how a power struggle after
Mugabe’s death would be far more harmful than
war now. Closing Opposition (London School
of Economics) rounded out the debate with
some fairly esoteric material. A general lack of
engagement in the second half of the debate lead
a few to profess the brilliance of this team, but
most concluded the opposite.
minds, leaving many in Sydney and no doubt
Oxford pondering what could have been - such
is the subjective nature of British Parliamentary
debating.
Despite certain issues, there was still
some innovation at this tournament. Online
live streaming of many of the debates let
viewers elsewhere in the world experience the
tournament directly, even allowing some to view
adjudicators’ deliberations and hence know
asked me when I returned. “They’re debaters
too, what else have they got if not opinions?” I
replied.
The gratuitous exchange of opinions will
be hosted at the same time next year by De La
Salle University in Manila, with Sydney’s own
Tim Mooney a Deputy Chief Adjudicator of the
tournament.
15/02/11 12:23 PM
24
BULL SUUONLINE.COM.AU
CAMPUS CHATTER
CAMPUS
CHATTER
I’M NOT A
STALKER,
BUT...
TO THE
HIPSTER
ON KING STREET,
Being hipster is
so mainstream,
Pelvister
TO THE GIRL BEING CHASED BY THE IBIS
Ahahahahaha! You’re scared of bir
– oh crap, here it comes!
Scaredy
TO MOTHER NATURE,
We get it, climate change is real.
Honestly, People of Australia
violent… I’m scared of what I
might to next.
Facebook addict likes this comment
TO THE BLACK SWAN, YOU’RE HOT.
TO THE WHITE SWAN, YOU’RE NOT.
TO THE BLACK SWAN, YOU’RE HOT.
TO THE WHITE SWAN, YOU’RE NOT.
I think I’m schizophrenic.
Regards, Pas de deux
TO THE GUY HANGING OUT IN THE
LAW LIBRARY,
Leaning back in your wife-beater
exposing your chest and rubbing
your nipples is clearly turning all
the ladies on. Please, don’t put a
shirt on ever and ensure you’re
here again next time I try to find a
quiet place to write an essay.
Regards,
Girl with taste
TO THE GUY IN FISHER READING TRACY
CHEVALIER,
I love a man who knows his art.
Meet me in the stacks and let me
be your Scarlett Johansson,
The Girl with a Pearl Earring
TO MARK ZUCKERBERG,
Give me my soul back! If I log on
and don’t see one of those little
red notification boxes. I become
inconsolably depressed and
TO THE TWO GORGEOUS AMERICAN
EXCHANGE STUDENTS ROAMING CAMPUS
LOOKING FOR THEIR NEXT CLASS,
You can super-bowl me over
any time,
Football Fan
TO THE PRETENTIOUS LAW STUDENT WHO
BROUGHT A PILLOW TO SIT ON DURING A
LECTURE IN A QUAD ROOM,
You were ass-king to be made
fun of.
Your entire History tute
TO OUR PARTNERS IN CRIME,
I think someone saw us in the Vice
Chancellor’s office last night.
Do you think we should move the
body?
Grabbit, Run &Vamoose
TO THE GUY CHECKING HIMSELF OUT IN
THE REFLECTION OF THE GLASS OF NEW
LAW,
You stood there for a solid five
minutes while your fly was undone.
Nice undies.
TheWomen’s Hockey team
TO THE GIRL SITTING AT THE CITY ROAD
BUS STOP LAST TUESDAY.
You were wearing a watch on each
wrist yet you asked me for the
time three times in the space of 5
minutes! Buy a watch that works!
Regards,Timely
TO THE EGYPTIAN PROTESTERS
When you’re done overthrowing
your stubborn, oppressive leader –
we’d love your services over here to
oust our own persistent, annoying
presence.
Eddie Maguire Haters Club
TO THE GILGAMESH STATUE
Dude, WTF is going on with that
lion? What’s going on with that
wandering hind leg? You ancient
Sumerian kings sure are kinky.
Shocked
TO THE HOTTIE AT WOOLWORTHS
LAST WEEK
I’m desperate to feel your hands
upon me, fondling me, squeezing
me tenderly and smelling my flesh.
I want to feel the heat of your
breath as your lips approach me.
I want my juice to dribble down
your chin and hear your sigh with
pleasure as you taste my forbidden
fruit.You know where to find me:
aisle one, in front of the deli, next to
the red delicious and apricots.
Desperately lonely pear
TO THE MOON
I like how you have no eyebrows, I
think it gives you an ‘edge’.
Stargazer
TO THE FIRST YEAR STUDENTS WHO CAME
TO USYD BECAUSE THE QUAD LOOKS
LIKE HOGWARTS,
Felix Felicis! It’ll be nothing like
you imagined…
Everyone else on campus
TO THE GUY WALKING HIS CAT BY THE
POND ON SUNDAY EVENING
I think it’s time to see a counsellor
buddy…
Concerned jogger
SOMEONE CATCH YOUR WANDERING EYE?
SOMEONE ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF YOU?
SOMEONE MAKE YOU LAUGH DERISIVELY?
LET US KNOW AND SEND YOUR
MESSAGES TO:
[email protected]
15/02/11 12:27 PM
ISSUE 01
CAMPUS CHATTER
PLEASE,
HAVE
A COW
GOT
BEEF WITH
SOMETHING?
SPILL YOUR GUTS IN
400 WORDS OR LESS
TO USUBULL2010@
GMAIL.COM
SUBURBAN WARFARE!
EMMA COWAN BATTLES
BABY GUERRILLAS.
Having worked for a while in a
childcare centre, I considered
myself to be pretty damn good
with kids. By that I mean I
could tolerate their screams and
distract the brats into a fleeting
silence when necessary. But as
it turns out, the childcare centre
wasn’t quite the training ground
I thought it was when it came to
facing pre-juvenile delinquents
(and their misguided parents).
My new job is at a women’s
fashion store. The first hours
of each day seem to be ‘mums
and bubs’ time, when 90 per
cent of customers are mothers
pushing Humvee-prams with
budding gangster-toddlers in
tow, seemingly determined to
demolish the store.
It’s painful.
Occasionally I cop the brunt
of maternal paranoia about the
W
elcome to Bull’s
Variations on a
Scene, where we
encourage YOU to get your
creative writing skills out
and help evolve our story.
It’s simple, read the current
edition’s story and take
one element of it – be it an
object, setting, character,
theme etc - and submit your
own creative piece. Here is
the first instalment – now
you take it from here!
EMAIL YOUR STORY VARIATIONS TO
[email protected]
STORIES CAN BE NO LONGER THAN
300 WORDS..
‘intellectual’ development of
some precious offspring. I once
asked a cute toddler his name carefully elongating vowels for
easy comprehension - only to
be met with silence from the kid
and an offended bark from his
mother, “He’s two; he can’t talk.
HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW
HIS OWN NAME YET!”
Dumbstruck, I retreated to
the nearest rack to move hangers
back and forth. Honestly, I’ve
seen kids spelling their names
at that age, and even my cat
responded to its name after two
months. Note this, crazy mothers:
sales staff don’t have time to do a
full developmental assessment of
your kids – we’re just being polite!
Then there are the mothers
who let their little guerrillas run
rampant. Seemingly trying to
eliminate all innocent stock, the
toddlers slowly and deliberately
circle, pulling clothes off hangers
and dropping them on the floor,
all the while watching me.
25
Others like to take cover
amongst the jam-packed clothing
racks, totally obscured except
for their tiny sandals peeking out
underneath. Oblivious to the baby
I.E.D. just metres away, I am
frequently left breathless when
they explode out at me screaming
Cherokee war cries and scattering
the merchandise.
In perhaps the most irritating
skirmish yet, one mini-terrorist
pushed a huge sales items box
all around the shop - much to
his mother’s amusement - only
stopping at my feet. We eyed
each other off, the overflowing
box between us. Then the little
monster smirked and tipped it
over, scattering belts, bags and
clothes in all directions.
They might be cute now, but
with no apparent boundaries in
their seminal pre-school years,
I can’t help but think these kids
are going to wreak real havoc for
their parents as teenagers. It’s a
satisfying thought.
VARIATIONS
ON A SCENE
My feet slipped, pushing little mounds of
hot sand behind them in a silly run below
the boardwalk. I glimpsed a bright island in a
sea of rainbow towels and brown bodies. At
last, a space! Dropping my bag and thongs, I
ceremoniously spread my towel laying claim
to the little patch. But as I lay down letting the
sun warm me through the threads, I felt a slight
jabbing at the side. Removing the towel and
scooping the sand away I found a curious object:
no longer than a pencil, it was a carved piece of
wood that twisted and turned as the sun shone
off its lacquered surface.
Suddenly a call from my nearest neighbour
“ah, I’ve been looking for that” he exclaimed
unconvincingly.
But then from my other side came an
equally implausible reply “I believe you’re
mistaken, sir! It’s definitely mine.
Give it to me, son.”
“I have no need of it,” I said “and I scarcely
want to get in the middle of this. But please, tell
me both what is it for?”
“It has no purpose and needs none either,
it’s an ornament that’s all,” replied the first.
“Don’t be ridiculous!” The second man
said, and he reached down into his esky,
removing a beer and effortlessly slipped the cap
into an oddly shaped nook in the side. Without
looking he twisted the cap, which popped right
off and into my hands. I reached into my pocket,
jangled my keys awkwardly as I slipped my keys
off the ring, then handed the simple aluminum
bottle opener to one man and gave the wood
piece to the second. They both shrugged,
satisfied enough, and I tried not to look unhappy
that I wasn’t offered the beer as I returned to
recline on my towel...
15/02/11 12:27 PM
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15/02/11 12:28 PM
28
BULL USUONLINE.COM.AU
FEATURE
“Want to stay anonymous
or leave a squeaky-clean
image when you die?
There’s an app for that.”
PRIVACY
AIN’T DEAD
ALEX MCKINNON GOES
ONLINE TO GO OFFLINE.
W
orried about
online
privacy?
Or your name
being besmirched
on the web? New
services to protect
your online self are
springing up on the
web itself.
You know the story by now. The politics of
privacy - or lack thereof is one of the biggest
issues around. Everyone – governments,
companies and citizens alike grapple with the
realities of a new world where nothing is secret
or sacred. Thanks to the likes of Julian Assange
and his band of merry hackers and informants,
governments, corporations and embassies can
no longer assume that confidential information
won’t be splashed over the internet within the
hour and over page one the following day.
It’s not justthe James Bond-esque intrigue
of Wikileaks that impassion and divide us on
the issue of privacy. Proposed internet filtering
schemes spark intense debate here in Australia,
and in the self-described Land of the Free, the
United States, where new ‘enhanced’ security
measures at US airports, which give passengers
the option of a full-body scan or a serious patdown, are drawing accusations of sexual assault
and child abuse.
Closer to our collective hearts, Facebook
continues to cause grief for those seeking
solitude. Facebook’s habit of giving info to
paying third parties ‘in order to provide you with
useful social experiences off of Facebook’ (i.e.
aim straight for the wallet) is also well-known;
and there are regular stories about employers,
police and jealous exs digging up information on
people by sniffing out their Facebook profiles.
The seemingly obvious step for someone
uncomfortable with all this would be to delete
Facebook and whatever else, but it’s not that
simple. Deleting your online profiles is nowhere
near enough to avoid detection. Facebook’s
privacy policy lets it retain your information if
you quit unless you specifically tell them not
to. Every publicly-posted tweet ever tweeted
resides in the digital archives of the Library of
Congress, and Google’s stash of cached pages
means that even deleted accounts and posts can
still be viewed. And even if you do manage to
delete every page you’ve created and have your
information removed from the site’s database,
you still have no control over, say, images of
yourself posted by someone else after a party, or
what someone writes about you..
So what’s a privacy-seeking lad or lass
to do? Ironically enough, the answer is to be
found online. The growing demand for internet
privacy has given birth to entirely new industries
designed to give web users peace of mind- for
a price. People looking to keep their identity
secret or defuse potential future embarrassment
15/02/11 12:28 PM
ISSUE 01 29
FEATURE
now have an army of choices at their fingertips.
Take Hide My Ass, a program that does pretty
much exactly what you’d expect. Hide My
Ass is a downloadable software program that
automatically encrypts everything you look at,
post or download; you can change IP addresses
as often as you want, and even change between
servers located in 18 countries. It won’t actually
remove information about you already online,
but it will cover your online tracks and help
prevent third parties being able to target
you with a Predator drone. Or Farmville
subscriptions, whatever.
For those looking to live a less John
Connor-like existence, there’s a whole bunch
of companies that offer something called
‘reputation management’. Their clients are
basically aggrieved people or businesses
who want to get rid of nasty things written
about them on the net, but need to operate
under their own name. Think Pinkerton’s,
but without the fedoras and wisecracks. Sites
such as Defend My Name, Rep Saviour and
Complaint Remover claim they can get rid of
nasty info popping up on Google,Yahoo, Bing
and wherever else by having a quiet word with
whoever owns the site on which your good name
is being muddied. One of their other methods
involves flooding message boards, forums and
social network sites with positive ‘information’
about you or your company until that stuff
makes it to the top of the heap. This kind of
wizardry doesn’t come cheap; Defend My
Name’s packages start at a whopping $995 and
go up sharply from there. Especially considering
part of their method sounds an awful lot like
spamming, and you can always create your own
positive feedback for free on Wikipedia, but let’s
not nitpick.
This is all well and good if you happen to
be still breathing, but what happens when you
die? Facebook usually either deletes pages of the
deceased or turns them into tribute pages on
request, but most of your pages and accounts
don’t stop when you do.Your spirit can float
around in cyberspace long after you kick the
bucket, so how can you leave a squeaky-clean
image when you die? You guessed it; there’s an
app for that. Create an account with a digital will
site, and you can control who gets your online
stuff after you die. Sites like My Webwill and
Legacy Locker now let you store the passwords
of every account in your name to send them to
someone upon your demise. Of course, that’s
assuming you want your loved ones looking at
what you got up to online when you were still
alive and stupid.You always have the option to
specify passwords not to be revealed and the
content they unlock be deleted, and rest in peace
knowing Nanna will never see that amateur porn
film you had a supporting role in.You can also
download a handy (though disturbingly named)
little thing called a deathswitch, which will store
your confidential data and periodically ask you
for a password to check that you’re still alive.
If you don’t enter the password for a while, the
deathswitch triggers and your secrets get sent
to wherever you want them to go. Not only
is this good for leaving your online property
"THE GROWING DEMAND FOR INTERNET PRIVACY HAS GIVEN
BIRTH TO ENTIRELY NEW INDUSTRIES DESIGNED TO GIVE WEB
USERS PEACE OF MIND- FOR A PRICE."
in the hands of loved ones, it lets you send the
details of that massive conspiracy to the papers
even if the government finally extradites you to
Guantanamo Bay or shoots you. Convenient, no?
As nifty as all this sounds, none of these
services are foolproof. The technology is in its
infancy and even the ones charging top dollar
admit they can’t guarantee total anonymity. The
best privacy programs or online lawyers in the
world can’t protect you from your own dumb
decisions if you keep making them. The best
defence (and the cheapest) is learning to be
sensible and savvy online. Make your profiles
private; don’t post anything embarrassing or
confidential; and only befriend people you trust.
Like it or not, the internet is public domain;
privacy in the traditional sense simply does
not exist anymore. With friends, family and
employers watching, learn fast.
THE TOR
PROJECT
The Tor Project started in 2002 as a
web service dedicated to protecting
identity and retaining net anonymity.
Tor offers a suite of free browsing
tools that randomises the route of your
online passage, making it highly difficult
for trackers to trace you through the
scrambled traffic. According to Tor’s
website (torproject.org), the service is
used by journalists to communicate with
whistleblowers, NGO employees working
abroad and even the US Navy.
15/02/11 12:28 PM
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15/02/11 12:28 PM
ISSUE 01
STUDENT LIFESTYLE
31
STUDENT LIFESTYLE
Rental as
anything
PAUL KARP DETAILS CHANGES TO
RESIDENTIAL TENANCY RULES
Student
Gear:
POST IT FLAG PENS
Creators of the ever-useful stick-on
note, Post-It,
have introduced
the next step in
pen evolution:
Post-It pens! The
range of biros and
highlighters come
attached with little
stick-on flags to
make instant bookmarking and note
taking a breeze. Very handy come exam
time when you remember you wrote
something useful down – but where?!
R
enting students be
aware – there is
change afoot in that
deliciously complicated
world of renting. The new
tenancy rules enacted last
year in The Residential
Tenancies Act have just
come in to force on 31
January 2011, changing
the rights of tenants and
landlords.
The changes that benefit tenants:
Where tenants have made a request to make
minor changes to premises (such as hanging
a picture or planting flowers) or to sub-lease a
spare room the landlord must not unreasonably
withhold consent. Landlords therefore no longer
have an absolute and unchallengeable right to
decide who their tenants can live with.
The changes reflect the evolution of the
rental market. Penny Sharpe, a Parliamentary
Secretary and member of the NSW Legislative
Council, argued in her second reading speech of
the bill that it was necessary to clarify the rules
because tenants are staying in rental properties
twice as long as they did in the mid 1980s when
the old rules were formulated and one-third of
NSW households ( approximately 800,000)
lived in rented properties.
There are more than 100 areas of reform
in the new Act. The changes strike a balance
between the competing interests of tenants and
landlords. Knowledge is power – so here is the
low down:
The changes that help landlords:
The Act removes the discretion of the
Tribunal to refuse to grant an eviction order if
the lease has expired and proper notice has been
given.
Tenants will have least one fee-free way to
pay their rent.
Landlords will be required to make premises
‘water efficient’ if they wish to charge tenants for
water usage.
Landlords and their agents will be prohibited
from knowingly concealing certain important
information from tenants. This includes: plans
to sell the residential premises, if the landlord
has prepared a contract for sale of the residential
premise; or that a mortgagee is taking action for
possession of the residential premises.
Landlords can now serve eviction notices
directly to the tenant’s letterbox and apply to the
Tenancy Tribunal for a hearing at the same time
as serving notice. This will cut the time it takes
to evict a tenant who has stopped paying rent by
up to 18 days.
Landlords will gain the right to show
premises to prospective tenants or buyers at least
twice a week.
15/02/11 12:28 PM
32
BULL USUONLINE.COM
and The ACCESS Desk, Level 2, Manning House, The University of Sydney
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Find out more, contact:
International Exchange Program
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University of Sydney NSW 2006
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T 8627 8322
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15/02/11 12:29 PM
ISSUE 01
TRAVEL
P
lanning accommodation can be time-consuming,
tedious and expensive if you’re not careful. Part of
the reason for the hassle is the industry itself; hostels,
for instance, are so used to enjoying the lion’s share of
backpacker custom that many charge through the nose for
poor facilities, simply because they can. Recently however,
the hostel industry has come to hate the words ‘vacation
rental,’ and with good reason. Essentially a local resident
will advertise a spare room in their house to any willing
traveller – or even the entire abode should they themselves
travel elsewhere. Vacation rentals have been around for
yonks, but were only available through travel agencies or
hotel chains, with corresponding price tags. It’s only in the
last few years or so that websites like Gumtree and AirBnb
have arrived and cut out the middleman, allowing hosts
and tenants to deal on their own terms, resulting in some
shit-hot prices.
Put Me Up.com
ALEX MCKINNON SEEKS SANCTUARY IN
VACATION RENTALS.
“Rocking
up with your bags at
3am and begging for a
room is a relic of a bygone
era; it barely worked for
Joseph and Mary, and
it won’t for you.”
33
THE UPSIDES
Vacation rentals are pretty much the only
way us prissy Western tourists can have it all,
now that colonialism has gone out of fashion.
They combine the privacy and facilities of a
decent hotel room with the atmosphere and
affordability of a hostel. Vacation rentals can
range from a shared room in a huge, hostellike share house to a fully-equipped private
apartment, so you can pick and choose
according to your needs and your budget.
The big upside is having your own cooking
and laundry facilities, which goes a long way to
keeping money in your pocket and not feeling like
a inhabitant of a foreign prison camp. If you’re
lucky, your host will be friendly, speak great
English and show you the city’s best-kept secrets.
Those kind of places are rare, but they exist, and
being patient enough to trawl through the duds
and obvious ripoffs will pay off in the end.
THE DOWNSIDES
Of course, there’s always a chance you’ll pay for
a place that looks like a dream but turns out to
be a Stephen-King-house-that-eats-you kind
of joint. More likely you’ll find a nice, cheap
place with friendly folks, which happens to be
in the back end of nowhere, forcing a arduous
trek into the city proper. Most listed places will
have a corresponding map, so this is pretty
easily avoided. Also, finding nice places can be
pretty difficult in less-than-large cities, especially
if you’re travelling outside of America and
Europe. Most vacation rental sites require you to
subscribe, but the best and biggest ones are free,
and include ratings and comments systems that
help you steer clear of obvious unsavoury types
and potential sexual predators.
PLANNING AHEAD
There’s no excuse for not planning ahead. A
handy little tool known as the Interweb enables
you to plan your trip to the nth degree, so you
should at least be able to book your main stops
in advance. Vacation rental sounds informal, but
rules do exist; all but the dodgiest places require
a deposit, so if you don’t have a credit or debit
card that lets you shop online, stop being 15
and get one. Hosts like security and often give
discounts for bookings made well in advance. If
you’re travelling at a quiet time of year, booking
your next bed in an internet café will be enough,
but expect to pay a little more than you would
otherwise. Rocking up with your bags at 3am
and begging for a room is a relic of a bygone
era; it barely worked for Joseph and Mary, and
it won’t for you. Whether you do it yourself or
coax an easily manipulable friend into doing it
for you, a little planning goes a long way.
TRAVEL
15/02/11 12:29 PM
34
BULL USUONLINE.COM
FASHION
I
t is true that Sydney
University students
dress exceptionally well.
Watching the traffic down
Eastern Avenue is just like
being in the front row of
a preview of the coolest
Spring fashion lines. Here
at Sydney Uni, we believe
fashion is not vapid and
superficial! It’s a deep
and meaningful creative
expression of self. To keep
out of the fashion ‘don’ts’
it would be a good idea
to plan your outfits well
in advance. Here are the
few suggestions of looks/
identities you may want to
experiment with.
The look
Campus Fashion Trends
BOHO SHEIK
WHERE TO SHOP: Op shops on King St.
STAPLES: Vintage leather bag, maxi skirts, shift
dresses, ill-fitting blouses, large and loud 80s
style jumpers, floral patterns, brogues, a dirty
looking hair do.
THE ‘TRENDOID’
WHERE TO SHOP: Anywhere where the sales
attendants don’t pay you any attention i.e.
Oxford St, Paddington.
STAPLES: Loose tops and designer skinny jeans,
straight-off-the-runway trends, statement pieces,
perfect styling required.
150 YEARS OF THE SUIT
PREPPY
WHERE TO SHOP: In retail shops where shoppers
don’t need to look at price tags.
STAPLES: Popping the collar, polo shirts, khaki
pants, an Italian leather belt, designer loafers,
pearls, striped shirts, designer hand bag; an
affiliation with Sydney law school.
THE ‘COLLEGIAN’
WHERE TO SHOP: N/A
STAPLES: Stubby shorts, Canterbury jersey,
thongs in any season, track pants, plain Ts and
singlet tops.
FASHION
The lounge suit has been a staple of the
sophisticated man’s wardrobe for so long
that it can rightly be considered timeless.
But if any of those dapper gentlemen were
to pause to wonder how old the trusty
suit is, they might be surprised to learn
the answer: 150.Yes, 2011 in addition
to being the Year of the Rabbit and the
International Year of Forests is also the
sesquicentenary of this menswear classic.
The antecedents of the suit are
contentious. Are suit pants derived
from long cavalry pantaloons or cossack
overalls? Is the jacket a military coat with
the collar turned down or sporty jacket
with vents for ease of riding a horse? All
these suggestions of the suit’s origins
have been made though none are certain.
Which makes the 150th anniversary seem
a bit...arbitrary...contrived? Well, that’s
fashion.
After so many years of dapper
dominance: what now for the suit?
Scientists are developing many new
uses for clothing; soon they’ll be able
to recharge batteries by capturing
energy expended through movement or
constantly monitor your heart rate. But
this seems far too functional a fate for the
showy suit. Maybe suits will never reach
higher heights than Barney Stinson’s
ode ‘Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit’. Our
guess? We’ll get plenty more wear out of
them as long as they keep coming with
spare buttons. Here’s to 150 more.
15/02/11 12:29 PM
ISSUE 01
FOOD & BOOZE
35
RESTAURANT REVIEW
Wild, Wild West
KIRA SPUCYS-TAHAR WELCOMES YOU
TO THE WORLD OF GUNSLINGIN’ OUTLAWS RADIATING SOUTHERN CHARM
- SHADY PINES SALOON.
As our gang wandered the long and arduous
road from Stanley to Crown Street, we could
almost taste the liquor on our lips. We struggled
to discover our destination - the tavern the
townsfolk had told us so much about. And
just when we thought we wouldn’t make it,
a stranger stepped out of the shadows and
asked with a drawl, “Are you looking for Shady
Pines?”
Behind the innocuous white front doors and
the (shock!) friendly bouncers, enter the rough
and tumble world of Cowboys and Indians. The
concealed nature of the place exudes a secret,
exciting element of danger. This is a whirlwind
trip into the hipster scene without the hipsters;
it’s kitsch but cool.
The décor is like a cross between the
lounge room of a zany old uncle and the set
of a spaghetti western. There are rugs on the
concrete floor with strange standing lamps and
sepia photographs. Cowhides adorn the walls
and taxidermied animals are aplenty (including
an eerie stuffed squirrel on the bar offering
complimentary nuts).
There is a small selection of suggested
drinks, with house specialities - whisky, bourbon
and a range of boutique beers. If it’s not on the
menu, don’t be afraid to ask. The bartenders
are happy to accommodate or test a tasty new
concoction on an adoring public. We tried
vodka with fresh apple juice ($7) which was light
and summery. The cocktails include a classic
whisky sour and the delicious and fresh mint
julep (a mix of mint-infused sugar syrup, Wild
Turkey whiskey, crushed ice and mint, $17).
Pumping country music, this isn’t the place
for a quiet D&M.You’ll hear hits you know from
your parents record collection and those more
modern pop-based.
Named 2011 Bar of the Year by Sydney’s
Time Out magazine, Shady Pines has the vibe
of a scene straight out of HBO’s Deadwood.
Dark, rough and just a little bit quirky.
You’ll want to be found here, dead or alive.
Shady Pines Saloon, Shop 5, 256 Crown St,
Darlinghurst 2010.
FOOD AND
BOOZE
Munchtime
Specials
A
t the University of Sydney,
you’ll always be able to find
somewhere to tempt your
taste buds and to get that caffeine
fix to help you power through that
next dry lecture or excruciating
tutorial.
KIRA SPUCYS-TAHAR LOOKS AT THE A-Z
OF WHAT YOU CAN SINK YOUR TEETH
INTO ON CAMPUS.
USU COFFEE CARTS
MANNING BAR
HERMANN’S BAR
RALPH’S
TASTE
The USU’s coffee carts are
handily found at various
locations on campus including
the Carslaw building and
outside Fisher library. They
provide all varieties of hot
beverages and tasty snacks
at reasonable, student-friendly
prices.
Handily, Manning has its own
delicious brand of barbeque. A
drink on the balcony at sunset,
with chips and a burger in
hand, is the perfect way to start
an afternoon. Trivia and Bingo
are true highlights bringing
strangers together in the
pursuit of freebies.
A well-known watering hole
of Engineering students,
Hermann’s serves inexpensive
pub-style grub and also plays
host to a variety of weekly
evening events including standup comedy.
This family-owned coffee
shop is a University of Sydney
institution. Located inside
the Arena Sports Centre,
Ralph’s makes 150 varieties
of fresh focaccias every day.
Don’t let cantankerous owner
Ralph scare you away, the
iced chocolate is definitely a
specialty.
Featuring Campos coffee
beans, a cult status coffee
coveted by those in the know.
Located in the New Law Annex,
be prepared for a queue of the
fashionable and the fashionably
late. Come here for a delicious
French pastry and a wink from
one of the cute baristas.
AZZURI’S
COURTYARD CAFÉ
PARMA CUCINA
UNI BROTHERS KEBABS
MISO HONI
With an upstairs and
downstairs, you’ll definitely find
a cozy spot. Azzuri’s makes
fantastic coffees and has a
delectable range of muffins and
chocolate brownies.
Holme Building sandwich
makers of choice, you can
build-your-own, which is always
a plus for more picky eaters.
Delicious Italian pizza makes
this café a lunchtime favourite
but they do a mean morning
latte as well. Parma is located
next to the Jane Foss Russell
building.
Did someone say Pide at
Wentworth? Fast, friendly
service and delicious – it’s a
shame they’re not open after a
night on the town.
Puntastic name aside,Miso
Honi provides Asian style food
at Manning, without the need to
head to King Street or Glebe.
15/02/11 12:30 PM
36
BULL USUONLINE.COM
SPORT
Post Ashes
aftermath
“Maybe our
willingness to accept
that our players are not
eleven beer-swilling legends,
who are effortlessly better
than everyone else, is
simply a result of several
years of constant
underachievement.”
ANTONY FAISANDER WOULD DO
ANYTHING FOR A BAGGY GREEN
- LITERALLY ANYTHING.
I
would kill a man. I would
milk a bear. I would
name my children Link
and Zelda, and get breast
implants on my head;
anything for a baggy green.
Recently, however, that
particular piece of our
national heritage has taken
something of a knock – and
frankly I don’t know what to
do about it.
After Australia’s recent Ashes defeat, the
sporting media went hunting for witches.
However, the reaction of both press and public
was surprisingly measured, especially in regard
to judgement about the players themselves.
Personnel changes throughout the series had
little effect, and it seemed that most people were
willing to concede that our problems could
not be solved by a waiting host of prodigies –
crucially, we recognised that Australian cricket is
suffering from broader, systemic issues.
Some of the more fanciful commentators,
such as the ever-provocative Peter Roebuck,
were often quite happy to assign our current
malaise to a kind of post-colonial, generational
meta-narrative. The on-field struggle was framed
in terms of Imperial relations, and Australia’s
weakness was a result of cricket’s growing
irrelevance as a tool of national self-definition.
I don’t necessarily buy that argument, in that
it’s a massive load of wank. I certainly think that
Australia has broadened its interests and stacked
up its achievements, and cricket is no longer our
means of getting back at the world. Perhaps I
am in a shrinking minority of people who would
make the cranial-bosoms-for-baggy-green trade.
But it is simplistic to say that our success in the
arts or in industry will necessarily erode our
success on the sports-field.
SPORT
If you exclude those writers, then the
perception of the cricket hive-mind seems to
be steered by one over-arching point: the team
is no longer (if it ever was) limited to eleven
players and a drinks-guy. Never before have we
heard so many mentions of state and national
administrators, sponsor interference and
unreasonable scheduling. The logic seems to
go that sport touts itself as a business, and thus
should be treated as one. As a result, all levels of
playing, coaching, selection and administrative
staff were, really, a touch unsatisfactory. The
selectors were blamed for picking untried
batsmen and a depressingly green set of spin
options, but nobody could really think of
better alternatives. Cricket Australia was set
upon pimping out our players to limited-overs
competitions, but nobody tried to pretend
that they actually went to watch first-class or
first-grade cricket. The coach was criticised, but
nobody even knows what he really does, so there
was an obvious cap on the spite that could be
directed at him. The obvious arguments were
wheeled out regarding the remuneration of
the players, but while it’s obviously absurd that
somebody can get paid over a million dollars
to hit a ball, there weren’t the kind of frenzied
calls for pay-cuts and mass-sackings that have
accompanied our past failures at the game.
From another perspective, maybe our
willingness to accept that our players are not
eleven beer-swilling legends, who are effortlessly
better than everyone else, is simply a result of
several years of underachievement. Maybe we’ve
become jaded. Personally, I prefer to think that
we’ve matured, and that our love of the game
(while as intense as ever) has become tempered
by a commitment to genuine analysis and
common-sense, over the need for unnecessary
trash talk. And maybe being gracious at losing
is just as important as winning the game in the
end anyway.
15/02/11 12:30 PM
ISSUE 01
SCIENCE
SCIENC & TECH
Return of the
mammoth
EMMA COWAN
DOES SOME DIGGING
I
n an ambitious quest
of genetic engineering,
Japanese researchers are
attempting to revive the
extinct woolly mammoth
within the next five years.
With their shaggy hair, eight-tonne body mass
and huge, protruding tusks, woolly mammoths
haven’t wandered the earth since the last Ice
Age, around 10,000 years ago.
However, with the help of cloning
technology and inspiration from the Jurassic
Park blockbusters, scientists hope to restore the
extinct species to its former glory and in the
process, clarify the cause of their extinction.
Using mammoth flesh preserved in Siberian
permafrost, the scientists will extract cell nuclei
before transplanting it into an egg cell of an
elephant.
If successful, the resulting woolly mammoth
embryo will then be inserted into an elephant’s
womb for a gestation of 600 days – and voila! –
a relic of prehistory will live once more.
Despite the Japanese team’s progress,
other scientists have dismissed the undertaking
as something of a pipe-dream. As Australian
DNA researcher Michael Bunce told Cosmos
Magazine, “Just because we know the DNA
code… does not mean we can genetically tinker
with it to the extent required to recreate extinct
organisms”.
Issues with the size of the mammoth
compared to its elephant mother, the reaction
of the host mother’s immune system to an alien
embryo and the mammoth’s ability to resist
present-day pathogens are also likely to inhibit
the project.
There are ethical stumbling blocks as well.
The prospect of a lone, mate-less giant dredged
up from the abyss of extinction has all the
hallmarks of a Frankenstein-like tragedy, minus
the opposable thumbs. The scientist leading
the project, Professor Akira Iritani, warned,
“we need to discuss, before transplanting it into
the womb, how to breed [the mammoth] and
whether to display it to the public”.
On a brighter note, this project could pave
the way for the resurrection of other, more
recently-extinct species such as the dodo and
our own Tasmanian tiger.
37
REVIEW:
W:
Limewire
Pirate
Edition
ALEX MCKINNON
When Limewire was shut down in
October last year, it opened a hole in
many hearts. Cheapskate music lovers
were left with a choice between largescale download sites like BitTorrent and
the horrific reality of having to pay for
music. About a month later, however, the
void left by Limewire’s sudden absence
was filled by…Limewire. A new, pirated
version of Limewire appeared for free
download on torrent sites and has taken
off, thus proving two important life
maxims; that the music industry is now
our bitch, and that even when they win in
court, bitches ain’t shit.
Limewire Pirate Edition looks
and feels exactly like its landlubber
counterpart; there are absolutely
no noticeable changes in layout or
functionality. If you know how to use
Limewire, you’re set. Nothing’s been
added, but what’s been removed makes
a world of difference. The original
Limewire was a lot like a miracle drug;
it did exactly what you wanted, but it
came with a lot of nasty side-effects that
left you feeling a bit off. It came with a
whole load of spyware and adware, as
well as a bunch of toolbars and other
rubbish that slowed your computer down
and generally made music for nothing a
less-than-magical experience. The pirate
edition strips all that away, leaving you
with everything you need and nothing
you don’t. Viruses still abound in song
searches, but if you actually think that
“CALLING DOCTOR JONES REMIX
WIN AN IPHONE 4” is your gateway to
sweet, sweet Aqua goodness, you deserve
what’s coming
SCIENCE
& TECH
15/02/11 12:30 PM
38
BULL USUONLINE.COM
ENTERTAINMENT
Getting
Into the
Biz
ANNE WIDJAJA INVESTIGATES THE
ENTERTAINMENT SCENE AT SYDNEY UNI.
YOU
I
f performing on stage
is your life’s ambition,
then Sydney Uni was
a good choice. You’ll have
bountiful opportunities to
entertain to your heart’s
(or audience’s) desire. As
a testament to the USU’s
student entertainment
programs, many have even
extended their degrees to
the limit of university policy
to stay involved, delaying
their inevitable exposure to
the real world of struggling
performers-cum-part time
waiters. Here’s just some
(of many) ways you can
get under the spotlights at
Sydney Uni.
ENTERTAINMENT
THEATRE
ANNA WESTBROOK
“Are you fresh out of coming first in HSC
drama? Do you consider yourself an artistic
aesthete? Do you wash regularly? Then Sydney
University Dramatic Society
(SUD) might not be for you.
SUDS is for all ordinary people;
dirty or just dirty talking.
I joined SUDS in 2007, but
never did anything about until
2009. After spending two years deliberating
whether SUDS was for artistic recluses (French
for ‘wankers’) or not, I decided to go to a
meeting and see for myself. By the end of the
meeting, I’d been asked to have the chance
to direct a piece of theatre. By the end of the
month, I’d directed and acted in that piece of
theatre. By the end of the semester, I’d produced
shows and had a whole new group of friends.
By the end of the year, I remained un-wankerish
and quite normal.”
SUDS is the oldest continuous theatre
company in Australia and produces more
than 15 plays a year. Budding producers,
actors, directors, techies, costume directors
etc. are encouraged to get involved. Join
the Facebook page to keep in the know or
visit a SUDS Meeting, held every fortnight
on Wednesday in The Cellar (Science Rd,
underneath the Holme Building) at 1pm.
All are welcome!
COMEDY
NICK FISCHER
“Look down. Hey! Where did your bag go?
Look at my face. Well I didn’t do it! Look down
again. Now you’re on fire. Sad stuff. Why do I
do comedy at Sydney University you
ask? It’s mostly to make friends
and to get free stuff, like this sweet
lady’s handbag I just found …
What? This is your lady friend’s
handbag? Pfft! well is her name
ALISON?! It is? Ah… Well to that
I say, I like your style.You’re exactly the kind
of person I need for my company of comedy.
You say there is no chance a thief like me could
operate a successful company? Well it’s exactly
those kind of perceptive skills that have won you
the job of vice-executive. Well done madam/
mister executive. What do you get? This lanyard
I’m holding...if you can catch me, which will be
hard seeing as I am already in Barbados.”
Catch the laughs at improv extravaganza
Theatresports at Manning Bar, 1pm
every Thursday, and Project 52 comedy
nights, 7:30pm Wednesdays at Hermann’s
Bar. Also look out for the faculty Revue
season in Semester Two, a rollick of
comedy, music, dancing and occasional
nudity on stage.
MUSIC
OTTO
“In high school there were only two student
bands around, self-described as ‘Christian
Rock’ or ‘Blackened Death Metal’. I arrived at
Sydney Uni dazzled at the prospect
of greener musical pastures. I
was encouraged early on to
dive in and get involved with all
the great stuff available to the
budding rocker (or post rocker).
The annual USU Band Comp;
the Wednesday afternoon acoustic sessions
at Manning Bar; joining the bands for the
Revues - all provide such happy memories now.
From the chance to play to big audiences, to
the triumphs and disappointments of the band
comp, all were key experiences that I learned
from. Amongst these cool events, this year a new
music society called ‘Beat System’ is kicking
off, which is going to hold weekly performance
nights at Hermann’s, and is also trying to bring
Sydney Uni musicians together. New bands are
very welcome there, and indeed at most of the
Union-run events. So what are you waiting for?
From hipster-friendly synth to ambient sludge
– if you’ve something unique to say, we’d love to
hear it.”
Sydney University Band Comp has
launched the likes of The Vines, Cloud
Control, Josh Pyke and Kyu. Check the
USU website for more info. Also, to get
involved with ‘Beat the System’ email
[email protected]
15/02/11 12:30 PM
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15/02/11 12:31 PM
40
BULL USUONLINE.COM
REVIEWS
REVIEWS
CD
HE WILL HAVE HIS WAY
VARIOUS.
FILM
THE KING’S SPEECH
TOM HOOPER
TV
OPRAH TV SPECIAL
CHANNEL TEN
FILM
THE TOURIST
FLORIAN HENCKEL VON
DONNERSMARK
Covers are tricky. Militant fans
are usually convinced the original
version was handed down on
Mount Sinai, so HeWill Have
HisWay is lucky that a bunch of
artists getting together to cover
Finn Brothers songs worked pretty
well last time. The ingredients
are all fine- an album featuring
such a well-crafted lineup was
never going to be an outright
dog. The right balance is struck
between heavyweights like Paul
Kelly and talented up-and-comers
like Philadelphia Grand Jury.
Chris Cheney’s ‘Distant Sun’ is a
powerful minimalist rocker, and
Boy and Bear’s gorgeous male
harmonics work wonders on
‘Fall at Your Feet’, but there are
too many timid, by-the-numbers
performances to justify doing all
this again. Paul Dempsey relives
his SfK days, Darren Hayes camps
it up as he seems constitutionally
obliged to, and Barnesy is… yeah,
Barnesy. On top of that, there’s
one song- just one- that destroys
the whole enterprise. Luke Steele’s
‘Better Be Home Soon’ is just
fucking awful, somewhere between
eccy-fuelled rave mix and steaming
pile of shit. It’s so bad there’s
another cover of the same song by
a different guy. Busby Marou saves
your ears with an achingly sweet
slice of summer pop, but it’s not
enough. For devotees only.
Simply put, The King’s Speech is
about a bloke and his mate trying to
overcome a stammer. Well, mostly
– there’s also the shadow of global
fascism, the historical weight of
the monarchy and the relationship
between colonial and subject. But,
really, it’s a story of friendship. The
question is, is it a story of friendship
that warrants its Oscar buzz?
Kind of.
On the acting front, Buckingham is
certainly impressive. Though whilst
Colin Firth’s King is enjoyable
enough (concededly, he’s playing a
guy with a stammer, so he’s almost
guaranteed to take out Best Actor)
it’s Geoffrey Rush that steals the
show. When contrasted with Firth’s
royal stoicism, Rush’s eccentric,
Shakespeare-quoting therapist
provides the film’s life and warmth.
The development of this Odd
Couple relationship, seen through
their attempt to conquer the stutter,
is a pleasure to watch.
However, whilst I left the cinema
satisfied, the film didn’t quite reach
the heights expected from a Best
Picture candidate. This might be a
product of its pure Britishness – the
movie is deliberately understated
and builds very gradually to its
climax. And, even then, the ending
is predictable enough. The film’s
joy (of which is considerable) is
witnessing how Firth and Rush
get there – of the friendship that
cross lines of class, upbringing and,
ultimately, personality.
It was a fitting irony that on the
day the final Oprah special went to
air in Sydney, a new survey found
that residents of this city rated it the
most un-liveable in Australia.
But Oprah was having none of
our jaded cynicism: her romp
through Sydney was one of
unbridled awe and celebration. All
the usual suspects were wheeled
out: poisonous snakes, boorish
colloquialisms, Nicole Kidman.
Oprah even threw a literal shrimp
on a literal barbie.
The worst moment may have
come when Carrie Bickmore
told the world that Australians
like to gather in McCafes, which
surely sent the foam flying out
the mouths of latte-sippers from
Darlinghurst to Fitzroy. Paired
with shots of our PM’s red-brick
Altona shack, there’s little chance
of undoing Australia’s image as a
backwater any time soon.
If the flagrant PR stunt proved
anything at all, it was the surreal
power of Oprah herself. A highdef panorama of Oprah atop the
Harbour Bridge is a marketing
bonanza worth well more than
the $4 million we paid to lure
her here. It was camp, kitsch and
embarrassing – but it gave Sydney
something to smile about, and the
chance to look good in front of 40
million Americans. We’ll be right,
mate.
The Tourist begins with Elise
(Angelina Jolie) receiving and
burning a note in a Parisian café.
The note is from her former lover
and wanted fraudster, Alexander
Pearce, instructing her to head
to Venice. As Scotland Yard have
Interpol pursue her across Europe,
she meets Frank Tupelo (Johnny
Depp), an unlikely tourist from
America, whom she ensnares
in Pearce’s plans. After the pair
arrive in Venice, Frank learns that
Pearce is a fugitive, that powerful
underworld figure Reginald Shaw
(Steven Berkoff) is after him and
that both parties now suspect
Frank of being Pearce.
From this almost interesting
beginning, The Tourist never really
gains momentum. The opening
scenes in Venice sag and the film
proceeds sluggishly towards what
is ultimately a limp climax. For a
thriller, director Florian Henckel
von Donnersmark fails to create
captivating suspense. For a drama,
the dialogue is uninspiring, the
character development lacking and
the viewer is left with little more
than a predictable plot to walk
away with.
The Tourist at least captures
arguably the world’s most beautiful
woman at the height of her charm
and magnetism. Jolie’s pout aside,
however, The Tourist is ultimately
unsatisfying.
MICHAEL KOZIOL
SEBASTIAN WELLER
ALEX MCKINNON
SHAUN CROWE
15/02/11 12:31 PM
ISSUE 01
REVIEWS
41
BOOK
Imperial Bedrooms
Bret Easton Ellis
In the sequel to his standout debut novel Less
than Zero, Bret Easton Ellis revisits his cast
of selfish narcissistic teens 25 years later. The
intervening years have made them older but
not wiser, with opportunities to reiterate selfdestructive patterns as they tend inevitably to
cynicism and nihilism. Clay has returned to L.A
from Hollywood to cast actors in the film he
wrote. Blair is engaged to gay Trent but still half
in love with (or at least entirely angry at) Clay.
And Julian Wells, who prostituted himself out
in the first novel, is now pimping out struggling
actors desperate for a break.
Clay pursues Rain Turner, an untalented
but pretty actress who wants a part in his movie,
but this sexually exploitative and unromantic
affair goes bad when he learns about her
mysterious past and dangerous entanglement
with the other characters. The novel has many
aspects of a thriller, the noir-ish bent developed
in the plot as Clay is tailed by an anonymous
stalker and haunted both by the ghost of the
boy that lived in his apartment and continuous
references to the grizzly murder of a young
actor he knew. No spoilers as to the ending,
but suffice to say Easton Ellis’ penchant for
disturbing sexual violence is well exercised. Oh,
and it’s not happily ever after either in case you
were wondering.
The style and execution of the novel is
superb. Simultaneously engrossing and repulsive,
the novel is so unrelentingly bleak that readers
suffer in parallel with the deeply flawed and
disturbed characters that Easton Ellis sketches
with such ease. A sense of claustrophobia
pervades, as events move quickly and Clay is
unable to heed warnings to avoid Rain.
Fans of Easton Ellis will undoubtedly
love this offering, in particular because it
complements its predecessor perfectly. The
novel opens with Clay describing his reaction to
the novel and film versions of Less than Zero and
his relationship to its narrator, adding a layer
of complexity to the decision to reopen these
characters lives. One criticism, however, is the
unoriginal way in which the thriller element is
developed through clichés such as Clay being
followed by a mysterious car, and this is one
respect in which the novel is more reminiscent
of Easton Ellis’ worst writing (Lunar Park)
rather than best (American Psycho). Not for the
faint hearted. Intense.
PAUL KARP
Knopf Doubleday Publishing
CD
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Kanye West
Roc-A-Fella Records
If anything was going to overshadow the infamy
of Kanye West’s douchebag notoriety, it would
be his own musical genius. Kanye’s fifth album,
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, takes the hip
hop genre where it has never been before and
marks the peak of his career so far. The thirteen
track album layers hip hop tracks and RnB
hooks with bizarre electro noises, guitar rock
riffs, soaring choruses, pretty piano riffs and
dramatic samples. To add to this eclectic mix of
styles, the album features a musical all-star lineup of contributors. RnB gem ‘All of the Lights’
had help from Rihanna, Fergie, Alicia Keys,
La Roux, and even features a piano solo by
Elton John.
The diversity of styles also compliments
Kanye’s expert raps, laced with pop culture
references and effortlessly witty rhymes. From
references to Kings of Leon (“I’m the King of
Leon-a Lewis”) to 30 Rock, Kanye’s pick-nmix style lyrics are as sharp as ever. Not to
think Kanye has abandoned his roots, ‘Monster’
proves that he can still earn his worth as a hip
hop artist. Nicki Minaj and Jay-Z command
the song with their bursting verses, and despite
the appearance of the soppy Bon Iver on this
track, ‘Monster’ is in-your-face rap arrogance
at its best. However, the highlight of the album
is undeniably ‘Runaway’. An eight minute epic
featuring Pusha T’s smooth vocals, this song
feels impressively heartfelt. The combination
of the simple piano melody, string section, and
kazoo synth in the bridge... songs are rarely
constructed more perfectly than this.
Love him or hate him, Kanye should
be praised for injecting a bit of cross-genre
personality into the pop charts. If he keeps
making music this captivating, when Kanye
speaks, the world will continue to listen. And I’m
sure he wouldn’t have it any other way.
ANNE WIDJAJA
15/02/11 12:31 PM
UNIVERSITY OF SYDNEY UNION AND USYD FILM SOC PRESENT
THEME ANNOUNCED
THURSDAY 17 MARCH AT USUONLINE.COM
ENTRIES DUE
MONDAY 21 MARCH, 5PM
SCREENING
TUESDAY 22 MARCH, MANNING BAR, 6PM
FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT THE ACCESS DESK,
LEVEL 1 MANNING HOUSE
[email protected] // 9563 6000 // USUONLINE.COM
15/02/11 12:31 PM
ISSUE 01
MINDGAMES
43
CROSSWORD
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
17
16
18
19
20
EASY SUDOKU
21
4 1
22
ACROSS
DOWN
1 - Attack another country
aggressively (6)
3 - Covers with water droplets (6)
7 - Allaying hostility (9)
9 - Pain (8)
10 - Songbird (4)
12 - Promised (5)
13 - Nearby (5)
17 - Dull colour (4)
18 - Types of warships (8)
20 - Frighten (9)
21 - Single celled organism (6)
22 - Ancient (3-3)
1 - ___ Staunton: Dolores Umbridge in
Harry Potter (6)
2 - Abandoned (8)
4 - Bucket (4)
5 - Plant stems (6)
6 - Tactless and very bold (5)
7 - Fraudulent (9)
8 - Ensure (9)
11 - Startling (8)
14 - Republic once ruled by Idi Amin (6)
15 - The Hunter (constellation) (5)
16 - Eg Iceland or Australia (6)
19 - Dull (4)
6
9
6
3 4
8 9
2 5
5 2
6 9
5 8
1 3
4 1
9 6
7 8
2
4
2
9 3
CALCUDOKU
WORD PYRAMID
12x
Single number
Facial feature
7+
200x
18x
7+
Start of
Verse form
Mental strain
Impudent
Bankrupt
3-
10+
2-
15+
12x
6x
10+
10+
2x
MINDGAMES
15/02/11 12:31 PM
15/02/11 12:31 PM
ISSUE 01
THE BULL PEN
45
THE BULL PEN
P
Pissing off
to Europe:
the knob’s
guide
ALEX MCKINNON GOES
CONTINENTAL.
issing off to Europe is perhaps
the finest thing a young
student can do before they
graduate into the mind-crushing
superannuation factory that is the
workplace.Your trip to Europe
will be a life-changing, seminal
experience - an odyssey of spiritual
awakening, cultural enlightenment
and inebriated debauchery. It also
gives you the best chance you’ll
ever have in your life to act like the
pretentious, insufferable knob you
are without fear of alienating your
friends and acquaintances. Here,
then, is the definitive guide to how
you can realise your full knobbish
potential.
JULIAN ASSANGE
A rare exception to the ‘Australia =
bad’ rule is Wikileaks founder Julian
Assange, CIA codename ‘Anaemic
Platypus’. Mr Assange’s efforts in
publicising confidential government
documents have won him legions of
rapturous supporters, about one in
9,000 of whom have actually looked at
the Wikileaks website, while his release
of the names of Afghan supporters
of American forces triggered what
mujahedeen cells everywhere termed:
‘duck season’. Assange even won
the unlikely support of former Prime
Minister John Howard, who no doubt
identified with Assange’s disregard
for the lives of innocent brown people
in pursuit of an ideological agenda.
When in Europe, be sure
to loudly proclaim
claim
your solidarityy
with Assange’s
e’s
libertarian ideals
eals
whilst ignoring
ng that
last bit.
The first thing to remember is that you, as a
knob, are destined to be a great writer someday.
Thus, like Che Guevara and his Motorcycle
Diaries, it is necessary for you to keep a journal
of your travels so that when you become a
household name, future generations of knobs
can read your words and be similarly inspired
to piss off to Europe in search of enlightenment.
Before you leave, be sure to buy a Moleskine
journal in which to record your profound
musings. Notebooks vaguely like modern
Moleskines were used by the likes of überknobs
Oscar Wilde and Vincent van Gough, so it’s
important you give your outpourings of literary
genius a proper home.
The best way to ensure quality journal
updates is to buy a beret or flatcap and spend
at least two hours a day sitting on a café terrace,
gazing into middle distance and nursing an
espresso that you occasionally stir with your pen.
If you neglect to be completely scrupulous in
updating your journal, don’t be discouraged - a
scribbled sentence about being totally wasted
in Bruges will be all you need to kick start your
literary synapses when you dig the journal out of
the wasteland of your room four months later to
pen your understated, avant-garde masterpiece.
Speaking of avant-garde, as every knob
knows, Europe is the birthplace of all things
sophisticated and cosmopolitan. To the
untrained eye, this would present a nearinsurmountable obstacle for any Australian
traveller looking to score some Continental
strange, as Europeans invariably regard anything
from the Anglosphere as irredeemably boorish.
As a knob, however, you can prove your
elegance and worldliness in one fell swoop by
constantly telling any Europeans you meet how
superior their country’s coffee, nightlife, theatre,
architecture, history and political situation is
compared with Australia. Open by lamenting
how the barbarity of your homeland crushed
your delicate spirit and stunted your creative
potential, follow up with a harrowing tale of
an encounter with some drunken bogans on a
Friday night on George Street and finish with
a declaration that you finally feel ‘at home’ in
Europe, and of your intent to move there if
the Coalition wins the next election.Your new
European friend will be enraptured. Rest easy
in the knowledge that this cunning ploy has
not been already used by thousands of your
compatriot predecessors.
However, do not think their agreement on
Australia’s inadequacies is licence to reciprocate.
It is not recommended that you mention
Nicholas Sarkozy’s expulsion of gypsies to a
Frenchman, the rise of far-right groups in the
Netherlands or Sweden, or anything relating
to Silvio Berlusconi whilst in Italy, although
you may express dismayed agreement if your
European acquaintance complains about them
first.
Above all, Europe is the grounds for your
coming-of-age, the experience that allows you
to unfold your wings and become a modern,
twenty-first century knob. Bearing that in mind,
be sure to take every opportunity to get blind
drunk, bail up strangers with a sob story about
an awkward breakup and collapse in front of a
foreign embassy. Go forth, ye knob, and prosper.
15/02/11 12:32 PM
46
BULL USUONLINE.COM
CAUGHT ON CAMPUS
MORE TP!
BATGIRL’S NEW SIDEKICK
‘BOUNCY, BOUNCY, ALWAYS SUCH A GOOD TIME’
MODERN DAY MUMMIFICATION
MMMMMF!
DRESSED THE PART
SMILES!
PHOTOS BY JEREMY YAO
FRIDAY 28 OCTOBER 2010
END OF SEMESTER HALLOWEEN PARTY
T
he 2010 Uni year ended in ghoulish
fashion, with a Halloween dress up party
at Hermann’s Bar. Toilet paper mummies,
angels and demons alike came together to
celebrate the incoming holidays by dancing
about on the huge dragon jumping castle.
CAUGHT
ON CAMPUS
WHAT’S THE TIME?
TIME TO DANCE
THERE ARE EASIER WAYS TO EAT APPLES
OM NOM NOM!
CHILLING
15/02/11 12:32 PM
GET YOUR TIX AT:
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15/02/11 12:39 PM
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15/02/11 12:40 PM

Issue - University of Sydney Union

Transcription

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