Rep gain slow, sure

THE uBrssFr s
Vol . LV, No. 34
VANCOUVER, B.C ., FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 1973
48
228-230 1
Degenerates at right hold cok e
meeting in SUB washroom to
discuss big party to be held toda y
from noon on to commemorate
last issue of The Ubyssey thi s
term .
Degenerates, otherwise know n
as Ubyssey staffers in SUB 241- K
where they hang out, invite th e
whole campus to the party to be
held in The Ubyssey newsroom .
Meanwhile today's issu e
contains some Christmas goodies :
On page 3, Linda Hossie look s
at a humanistic course fo r
engineering students ;
On page 4 we present ou r
traditional Christmas presents to
those who make the campus an d
Canada interesting ;
On the centre spread, Ubysse y
religion editor Peter Duff y
completes his search for th e
millenium ;
And sports on pages 22, 23 .
Enjoy, Enjoy !
Myster y
grou p
offed
Rep gain slow, sur e
By GARY COULL
It's been a year now since th e
people in the arts undergraduate
society began making noises abou t
student representation but i t
finally looks like somethin g
definite will be done .
Senate will meet Dec . 12 to
consider final reports from 1 0
faculties on their proposed formulas for student representation
at faculty meetings and committees (except those concernin g
tenure, hiring and firing and
scholarships) .
Before adjourning a meeting
earlier this month senate approve d
similar briefs for the agricultur e
and applied sciences faculties .
However eligibility requirement s
for reps must still be decided .
Who will conduct these elections ,
when they will be held and othe r
administrative details must still be
decided by senate after the faculty
reports are amended or approved .
In the end whatever senate passe s
may still have to be approved by
the board of governors just lik e
everything else .
At its April 25 meeting senat e
approved student votin g
representation at faculty meetings
with the reps numbering between
five and 25 per cent of the numbe r
of voting faculty member s
teaching in that year . Faculties
were asked to submit recommendations suggesting the percentage and number of studen t
reps they wanted, what years the y
should come from and how the y
should be elected .
The Ubyssey offers the followin g
summary of those recommendations :
Agricultural sciences : Three
reps with 52 faculty (six per cent) ,
two undergraduate and on e
graduate student . Elections to be
organized by student associations .
(This has been passed by senate . )
Applied Science : Sixteen reps
with 173 faculty (16 per cent), fou r
from the engineering undergraduate society and 12 fro m
various other departments an d
programs . Elections procedures to
be arranged by students and the
administration . (Also passed . )
Arts : Twenty-three reps with 464
faculty (five per cent), limited to
honors, majors and graduate
students by department or school .
Art is the only faculty to recommend elections be conducted by
registrar .
Commerce and business ad ministration : Eleven reps with 7 1
faculty (15 per cent) one first year ,
two second year, five third an d
fourth year students and three
graduate students . Elections to be
conducted by the commerce undergraduate society .
Education : Fifteen reps with 23 1
faculty (six per cent) . N o
recommendation on where reps
will come from or who will conduc t
elections .
Forestry : Six reps with 4 3
faculty (14 per cent), four un IMI
...
dergraduates and two graduate
students . Elections to be conducted
by the forestry undergraduate
society .
Law : Twelve of 50 faculty (25 pe r
cent) from the law undergraduat e
society by year . Elections by LUS .
This is the highest percentage
offered by any UBC faculty .
Q 3"5 _ :: ffof „ . < > ;s <>< aMa."aw
See Page 2 : STATS
By MARK BUCKSHON
A mysterious organizatio n
promising members annual in comes of $18,000 and more was
refused permission Wednesday t o
rent SUB office space by Alm a
Mater Society council .
The Ruth E . Potter foundation
will organize meetings in SUB' s
conversation pit anyway, said the
organization's head, "Rober t
Potter", Thursday .
"Potter" is really Rober t
Thompson who appeared severa l
times last year in the SUB conversation pit with a baseball ba t
and a set of apparently unrelate d
business brochures . "Ruth Potter "
is actually his wife who lives i n
Waterloo, Ontario .
"Potter" told The Ubysse y
Thursday : We have job opportunities paying $18,000 or more
for graduates of our program .
He said the opportunities are
related to "student placement an d
financial development programs . "
"We have 500 jobs for students, "
he said .
However, "Potter" said student s
are not paid until they complete a
training program which rejects 9 0
per cent of the applicants because
they are "reductive persons" .
Eight per cent of the applicants ar e
See Page 2 : DESCRIPTIO N
. :.
YEL poll campaign start
The University Endowment Lands poll is the star t
of an organized campaign to insure the UEL will sta y
in its natural undeveloped state said Doug Brock ,
Alma Mater Society internal affairs officer Wednesday .
The poll, which showed 54 per cent of UBC student s
wanted the UEL to stay in its present state is " a
mandate for no housing" said Brock .
"Now the AMS' UEL committee can start .to
organize around this issue," he said . "We mus t
maintain a certain awareness of the issue both o n
campus and off . "
Brock is chairman of the UEL committee which i s
made up of students and is designed to look into th e
endowment lands issue .
"Up to this point no one has bothered to ask th e
students their opinion," said Brock . "The committee
will send a copy of the results of the poll to Housing
minister Lorne Nicolson to let the government kno w
how the students feel . "
"We can now start talking with other communit y
groups interested in the UEL . We have to make it a n
issue that the public will be aware of," said Brock .
AMS council Wednesday night endorsed a repor t
from the Dunbar-West Point Grey Endowment Land s
Committee in support of keeping the UEL in it s
natural state .
The brief urged the preservation of the UEL a s
parklands for recreational, educational and researc h
purposes .
The committee said in its report it is solely concerned with preserving a unique natural heritage fo r
the citizens of the Lower Mainland .
The report also says that the UEL is irreplaceabl e
parkland and should not be sacrificed for temporary
relief from a housing problem requiring comprehensive, long-term solutions .
.MMERMEMEMNEh
Page 2
THE
Friday, November 30, 197 3
UBYSSEY
Philosophy discusse s
UBC derision makin g
By DAVID FULLE R
The nature of decision-makin g
at UBC and how it relates to
society in general was the topic a t
a philosophy students' unio n
discussion Thursday .
Among the questions discussed
were : which university decisions
are made by the formal, lega l
bodies and which by informa l
arrangement ; how these processes
should be changed and how th e
university relates to the whol e
society . The discussion was led by
anthropology professor Helg a
Jacobsen and philosophy professor
Don Brown .
Jacobson outlined the curren t
formal structure of the universit y
as laid down in the 1963 Universities Act . The heirarchy o f
authority from the top is roughly as
follows : the Board of Governors ;
the president and senate, the deans
and faculties and finally departments . Students are not mentioned
in the act, except concerning thei r
discipline by the faculty council .
The board is responsible fo r
financial management and contro l
of UBC, appointment of th e
president and deans, and it ca n
remove teaching staff but only a t
the suggestion of the president .
She said the board determines
He appoints, promotes an d
removes staff and faculty . The
faculties fix courses of studies an d
exams but they are subject t o
senate approval .
Stats continue o n
From page 1
Medicine : Twenty-two reps wit h
291 faculty (eight per cent) eight
undergraduate, eight residents ,
three rehabilitation medicine an d
three graduate students . Election s
Description `vague '
From page 1
"traditional" and two per cent ar e
"developmental" persons, he said .
"Potter" said his course takes the
"traditional" person and turns hi m
into a "developmental" on e
through a series of stages . He wa s
vague in his descriptions of th e
types of people and of the stages .
When asked about the source of
money for his organization, h e
said : "Maybe I'm the man who
supplies all the money . "
But since Vince Forbes, Bette r
Business Bureau head, sai d
Thursday he does not understan d
the foundation's objectives an d
financial sources, even though he
and collects fees and reports annually to the provincial government .
The president is responsible for
supervision and direction of UBC
and is chairman of the senate .
spoke with "Potter" a few weeks
ago.
However, Forbes emphasized
"so far he hasn't done anything
improper .
"We're waiting for some mone y
to change hands before we can d o
anything at all," he said .
However, council decided
Wednesday night not to give th e
foundation the rooms until mor e
was found out about it .
AMS treasurer John Wilson sai d
too little was known about th e
foundation and he suspected it . He
said the bookings would be approved as soon as he learned more
about its operations .
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Choose from beautiful wool plaid co-ords to .
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to be conducted by the medicine
undergraduate society, and th e
rehabilitation medicine societ y
with the residents and gra d
students to be announced .
Science : Twenty-four reps of 358
faculty (seven per cent), 18 fro m
departments, three from th e
science undergraduate society, on e
from the general program and on e
each from first and second year .
Election procedure to be decided i n
consultation with departments .
Graduate studies : Thirty-five
reps of 1,176 faculty (less than five
per cent by agreement) by schoo l
and department . Electio n
procedure not stated .
After much debate on approval
of the first two faculties senate
adjourned and will continue this
debate Dec . 12, a senate officia l
said Thursday .
Christmas ?
For a child will be
born to us, a so n
will be given to us ;
and the government
will rest upon Hi s
shoulders ; and His
name will be calle d
Wonderful Counselor ,
Mighty God,
Eternal Father
Prince of Peace
. . . Christ.
JANUARY-APRIL 1974
EVENING CREDIT COURSE S
THE UNIVERISTY OF BRITISH COLUMBI A
The following extra-sessional credit courses begin the week o f
January 7. Most courses begin at 7 p .m.
Art Educatio n
100(3)
Introduction to the Plastic and Graphic Arts
Mon . & Wed . (6 - 10 p.m .)
Computer Science
200(1 1/2) Elements of Computer Science — Wed .
(not Mon . as previously listed )
Educatio n
383(1 1/2) The School Library : Selection of Material s
Mon .
439(1'/2) Instructional Television : Non-Studi o
Techniques — Tues .
English
201(3)
A Survey of English Literature from Chauce r
to 1914 — Mon . & Wed .
321(3)
Approaches to Poetry — Tues . & Thurs .
341(3)
The English Novel from Joseph Conra d
to the Present — Tues . & Thurs .
365(3)
Shakespeare — Tues . & Thurs.
452(1'/2) Studies in American Literature — Mon .
French
306(3)
French Phonetics — Tues . & Thurs.
Political Scienc e
200(1'/2) The Government of Canada — Wed .
Sociolog y
210(3)
Canadian Social Issues — Tues . *
To be held from Jan . to Jun e
* May be taken for credit in th e
Criminology Certificate Program .
220(3)
Sociology of Life-Styles —
Tues . & Thurs . (begins Jan . 15 )
Additional senior and graduate level courses in Education ar e
available in the late afternoon . For further information contact
the Faculty of Education .
FROM THE STAFF AT :
5T p01NT
rats
For complete information and registration cards, part-tim e
students should phone Credit Courses, The Centre for Continuin g
Education, 228-2181, local 251 .
Students in the 1973-74 Winter Session who wish to enrol i n
extra-sessional credit courses should complete a course change
form and have it approved by their Faculty Advisor .
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Friday, November 30, 1973
THE
UBYSSEY
Page 3
Engineers . are huma n
By LINDA HOSSIE
It's an experiment : two new humanities
electives for engineering undergraduates .
The courses are called The Living Cit y
and Technology and Society and the purpos e
is to alert future technicians to the fact tha t
around every technological project ar e
people and an environment and other factors worthy of consideration .
"Do a feature on it," the city editor said ,
blithely unaware of my limitations .
My first experience with engineerin g
undergraduates was hearing their healthy ,
conceited beer drinking chant or "We are !
We are! We are the engineers," the affirmation of their existence, further prove d
when they dumped a squirming scienc e
undergrad into the much-abused fountain i n
front of the main library .
During my second year I had to walk b y
the engineering building three times a week
on my way to a psychology class and listen
to engineering undergrads yahooing out th e
window at n1e . Opinion of engineers then :
very low, maybe five out of a hundred .
Last year when I stole the Christmas son g
book from the engineers' Santa Claus in th e
Pit I had a chance to meet an actua l
engineer face to face and discovered the y
weren't so bad after all, at least not singly .
My views on technology are no better . I
consider the shoe-repair man next door t o
the Kong Kong Kitchen in the Village to be a
technological wizard .
Maybe I was the wrong persons to send .
With those kinds of doubts in mind I' m
willing to accept the conglomerate opinio n
of the professors involved as a measure o f
the value of these humanities courses : they
all think it's a great idea with a few kinks to
be ironed out for next year when ,
presumably, with two terms' experienc e
under their collective belts, the courses will
be a little less experimental .
Both courses involve a series of lecture s
by guest professors and working technician s
and weekly seminars of no more than 2 5
students who discuss the lectures and othe r
relevant material .
Chemical engineering professor Norma n
Epstein, chairman of the eight-man committee which drew up the proposals for the
courses in February, gave backgroun d
information .
The Living City or applied science 160 i s
really the same course as urban studies 200,
entitled Cities .
"Urban studies has gone on for two years .
It's just the first time engineers have taken
it," he said .
The course is not compulsory fo r
engineers . It is what Epstein called a
preferred elective .
Seventy-five non-engineers and 17 0
engineers are taking the course this year, h e
said .
The second-year course, applied scienc e
260, is limited to 100 engineering students .
The course studies the concerns of the firs t
year course, how technology and peopl e
function together in the urban structure an d
environment, on a more philosophic, globa l
level .
The courses, approved by senate last
spring, are both run on a guest-lecturerseminar basis .
"I don't think we'll run it again next yea r
this way," Epstein said .
"It produces a fragmented course . It's a
nice smorgasbord but it doesn't add up . "
Next year the course will involve fewe r
guest lecturers and more attempt to hav e
coherence in the courses, he said.
Metallurgy prof. Fred Weinburg, head of
the 160 course, disagrees with Epstein' s
conclusions .
The courses would lose relevance if les s
outside, "real" resource people took part ,
he said .
"The strongest ones (lecturers) are th e
ones that have immediate and direct involvement in real problems," he said .
The seminars for the courses are headed
by one professor from applied science and
one professor from arts.
all of the professors contacted were enthusiastic about the courses and all ha d
individual complaints, agreeing on a sligh t
disappointment in student reaction .
"By and large I think it's satisfactory, "
Weinburg said .
"There are some significant problems .
There are no exams, only essays, so as fa r
as engineers are concerned, attendance a t
lectures isn't top priority .
"In this sense I'm a little disappointed . I
thought they would attend more . "
Dean of St . Andrew's, John Ross, said h e
considers it worth what he is being paid jus t
to sit in on the 260 course but he is not
satisfied completely with student reaction .
"The students are not being required to d o
more than listen," he said .
"I was very happy about the essays i n
general . They would stack up with essay s
one gets in any department in the university," he said .
"I'm a philosopher by trade and I don' t
think the subject matter is sufficiently well defined and probably the subject appears t o
the students to be a disintegrated mosaic . "
English professor Kay Stockholder, one o f
the 260 seminar leaders, said : "I think it's a
very good idea and a very necessary kind o f
course . But there isn't enough time for it .
"We would like it to be more intense i n
some ways .
"The students have so much of their tim e
already taken, their schedule in engineerin g
is so heavy," she said .
"We can change it (the 160 course) very
easily," Weinburg said. "All we have to do i s
impose exams and-test students on lecture
material .
"But that opposes the whole concept of the
student as an adult .
"I don't want to come out sounding as i f
I'm down on the idea of the course but there
are just a lot of rough knots to work out, "
Epstein said .
"I think it will take another year to ge t
what we want . "
Epstein said the 260 course is divided into
four rough sections dealing with four subjec t
areas which overlap :
• The impact of technology on people' s
lives including the problems of installin g
pipelines in the Arctic ; the effect of factories on workers' thinking ; and the James
Bay project .
• The question of decision-making — ho w
technological decisions are made .
• The ecology-technology connection s
including the principles of ecology, oil spills .
• The whole question of human values
and future of technology including ;
alienation, alternate social arrangements
for technology and ideology .
"Each of the students have to have undertaken a major project to examine on e
aspect of technology," Epstein said .
"Usually it's something local, like th e
-~ill
ENGINEERS . . . before the age of reason .
planned expansion of the airport or the oi l
spills here .
"You have to worry about more than th e
problems of technology . You have to worry
about the whole realm of human activit y
that is involved — the anticipated effects, "
he said .
"Problems like James Bay will continu e
to come up . What we're hoping is that peopl e
involved in technological work will be abl e
to see another point of view than th e
technological imperative — the one tha t
says if you can do it, then do it . "
Being a believer in the value of th e
reporter in the field I dragged a friend o f
mine by the scruff of his scruffy neck an d
attended one of the 260 seminars .
I spied only one red jacket when I waslked
into the room although by the time the class
started there were also one red knapsack ,
one red sweater with the number 77, and tw o
white stripes on the sleeve, one pair of re d
sneakers and a kind of orange shirt . I admi t
my attitude was poor .
One thing about reporters : they get sen t
into the field for a day, into a field wher e
experts have rooted about for years an d
really know their stuff.
Essentially the reporter is going to com e
out with a rendering of the events at leas t
superficial unless she/he has embedde d
her/himself into the same problem in the
same way as the experts which is difficult, i f
not impossible, on a day's notice and which I
did not do, attending one class, simplistic t o
the point of absurdity .
With that in mind some observations : The
group was discussing the Vancouver
Simulation Project, involved in drawing u p
computer models of various urban system s
such as transportation, population housin g
etc . to determine trends in these areas with
the objective of facilitating wise polic y
making for the city .
Wot engineers think
Here are some engineering students '
comments on the two humanities courses :
"The way it's being held is really rotten .
So far I dislike it," second year studen t
Dave Perrella said .
"It's very unorganized, It needs a littl e
more backbone to it .
"It's sort of blah, that's the problem . It
gets to the point where you don't even wan t
to go to a seminar because you'll be bored, "
he said .
It's better than another physics or mat h
course, that's one thing," another secon d
year student, Jim Nastrom said .
"The course has had no focus up 'til now, "
he said .
"They're trying to change it . The thing is
it's a new course and we're in the process o f
improving it . "
One anonymous student said : "It's jus t
not interesting . I don't know about anybod y
else but as far as I'm concerned, it's no t
informative . "
"The seminars are a waste of time," one
student said .
"They all start talking about saving th e
world or something . Every time they talk
about saving the world . I'm serious, that' s
all they talk about. I don't go any more . "
"The projects are good," he said .
"They've given us special topics and yo u
can get down to basics ."
"It's haphazard, especially the lectures, "
another student said .
"One week a guy comes and talks abou t
geography and the next week someone talk s
about political science .
"I don't think it's such a good idea . There
are no exams either . It seems to me exam s
would give you a bit more incentive .
"Everybody's trying to make it better bu t
don't get the idea everybody hates it," a
second-year student said .
"We like the course but we think it coul d
be improved, that's the only reason w e
complain ."
At the beginning of the seminar most o f
the quests came from Stockholder wh o
cross-examined project director Dre w
Thorburn as he explained the simulatio n
project .
Later on students began to sit forward i n
their chairs and ask questions . There wer e
11 students, three faculty members an d
Thorburn present .
My scruffy friend said he noticed on e
student asleep and I noticed severa l
anxiously climbing into their coats when i t
seemed likely the seminar was going t o
draw to a close, but that's no different fro m
any seminar I've ever attended .
As Weinburg said about the seminars, i n
any seminar there will be about 25 per cen t
of the students who don't give a damn, 50 pe r
cent who are just doing the work and gettin g
by, and 25 per cent who are really interested .
"There were too many Goddamned prof s
there," Epstein said about the seminar .
"Only about half the seminar student s
showed up. It's not usually that weighted .
The imbalance is not normally as great as i t
was . A couple of the more vocal and articulate students weren't there . "
Certainly the professors of the course s
agree the students are doing good work .
Julius Kane, who teaches the ecolog y
course attended by the 160 students said :
"The engineers have really floored me .
They've turned in projects that are five
times the work I had any right to expect . "
Ross said : "I think these courses are one
of the most forward looking steps that coul d
be taken on the technological side of th e
campus and I'd like to see all th e
technological people on campus doing
similar things and the arts people takin g
more interest in the technological people . "
This is happening . The arts professor s
taking part in the courses are gung-ho .
Professors involved in the 160 course ar e
Walter Hardwick, geography ; Axel Meisen ,
chemical engineering ; T . H . Alden ,
metallurgy ; Catherine Wisnicki, architecture ; N . R . Risebrough, metallurgy ;
Fritz Bowers, electrical engineering ; B . A .
Dixon, electrical engineering ; Tony Lloyd ,
social work ; L . G . Krouch, minera l
engineering ; A . N . MacDonald, history ; G .
R . Brown, civil engineering ; T . N . Adams ,
mechanical engineering and course hea d
Fred Weinberg, metallurgy .
Seminar leaders in the 260 course ar e
Norman Epstein, chemical engineering an d
Kay Stockholder, English ; Ed Levy ,
philosophy and Carl Bury, mechanica l
engineering ; Bill Armstrong, metallurg y
and John Ross, dean of St . Andrew's .
Professors encourage students to tak e
part . Stockholder asked for opinions on ho w
papers should be presented during th e
seminar .
The students" initial reserve is alway s
there to overcome .
Page 4
THE
UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30, 197 3
Rag give s
gifts to spite
Every year about this time we are moved by Christma s
spirit to demonstrate once again our basic Christian charit y
to our fellow human beings .
Perhaps it's the lights and bright decorations alread y
festooning the windows of the Gage Tower despite the fac t
that its only the last week of November . Perhaps it's
because we are busy wrapping up the first half of a bus y
publishing year, proud but relieved at the completion of a
job well done .
On the other hand it could be those 30 cases of a
certain unmentionable Christmas spirit we're having trucke d
in for the office party today .
But what ever the reason, constant venting of spleen is
unhealthy so today we're going to re-enact the old "it' s
better to give to receive, " routine and hand out our annua l
Christmas gifts.
While they don't represent much of a cash outlay ,
remember it's not the gift ; it 's the thoughtlessness tha t
counts .
To Bill Awmack and all the gang down at Student
court : two powdered wigs and a herd of kangaroos .
To arts dean Doug Kenny : one bronzed plaque wit h
the motto "Le faculty c'est moi" .
To classics head and campus curmudgeon Malcol m
McGregor : 400 acres of cotton, a house with white pillar s
and his name spelled correctly on the doorpost . Malcol m
McGregor, Malcolm McGregor, Mal To Alma Mater Society treasurer John Wilson : on e
electric abacus .
To self-proclaimed 15-year-old, Guru Maharaj Ji :
puberty .
To soon-to-retire UBC administration president Walte r
Gage : a plaque matching Kenny ' s with the motto " Apres
moi c'est le deluge . "
activity", but in practice we know
To deputy president Bill Armstrong, rumored to be
most students would find that to o
front runner for Gage's post : A copy of Dale Carnegie' s
cool for extended periods of study .
How to Win Friends and Influence People .
In reply to Deborah Court' s
D .N . McInnes
complaint
about
temperatures
i
n
To the UBC senate (God bless em) : a set of waffl e
assistant librarian
the main library (The Ubyssey ,
public services
irons.
Nov . 22) staff in the library an d
To housing director Leslie Rohringer, the leas t physical plant are aware of th e
accommodating person in the world : the Holiday In n problem and are trying to d o
something about it .
franchise for Point Grey .
The high temperatures in th e
To UBC information services director Arnie Meyers stacks are caused by poor venThe area maps of the Middl e
and UBC PReports editor Jim Banham : A copy of How t o tilation as well as by overheating . East which Hillel House has been
Apparently, maintaining ac- publishing anonymously in your
Write Good : The Ubyssey Style Guide .
temperatures in some o f pages are misleading in their
To WRec UBC director Ed "serious athletes only " ceptable
the more cavernous areas of the implications, though carGautschi : a parchesi game, three decks of cards and a Ouij a old building causes temperature s tographically accurate . They sho w
board for WRec UBC 's ever-expanding leisure empire.
to build up in the stacks, and th e a tiny Israel surrounded by imventilation system is no t mense Arab neighbors (dar k
To bookstore manager Bob Smith : a copy of Abbi e present
capable of preventing this from colours) obviously ready to engulf
Hoffman's Steal This Book .
happening . There is some hope her. Why, the map seems to ask ,
To the Young Socialists : a copy of The Revolution o n that improvements will soon be can't they let her have that tin y
$5 a Day, and a Mickey Mouse watch that runs backward . made to increase the capacity o f piece of land and live in peace ?
Well, `peace,' as Benito Juare z
the air circulation system so tha t
To the entire engineering faculty : 40 Pit tokens .
more fresh air is drawn into the observed, 'is respect for the rights
To Alma Mater Society president Brian Loomes : a stacks .
of others,' and so far that has no t
copy of Without Marx or Jesus autographed by Stan Persky .
We know from the almost dail y been Israel's strong suit . But there
visits of the heating engineer tha t are other reasons as well, an d
To Uganda's court jester Idi Amin : the Asian flu .
keeping the system balanced in the perhaps the Hillel House carTo England's pride, the royal couple Anne and Mark : — main
library is nearly impossible , tographers could help us unride-in roles in The Roy Rogers and Dale Evans story .
but we will try to ensure tha t derstand them .
They could publish a map porTo our courting premier, Dave Barrett : a copy of radiators in the stacks are turned
trahing the arable land in the
off
as
well
.
How
this
will
affec
t
Option for Quebec, autographed by Robert Bourassa .
other parts of the building remain s Middle East, which would show
To Hardial Bains, chairman of the Communist Part y to be seen .
Israel in possession of the `land o f
of Canada (Marxist-Leninist) : lifetime membership in th e
As far as Sedgewick is con- milk and honey,' surrounded by
cerned, we have had far mor e (mostly) desert . That might make
Vancouver Club .
about low tem- the Arab `obsession' a little mor e
To B .C . education commissioner John Bremer : just complaints
peratures than about overheating . comprehensible .
what he gave us, absolutely nothing .
Or, they might produce a serie s
As soon as it drops below 70
To Georgia Straight owner Dan McLeod, the last of th e degrees, students begin putting on of maps of Zionist expansion in and
their coats and lining up to com- beyond Palestine : land owned by
hippies : a haircut and a job .
plain . Perhaps in theory th e Zionists in 1947 (6 per cent of
To prime minister Pierre Turdeau : a Simon Frase r temperature
should- be kept at 6 5 mandated Palestine) ; land allotted
University faculty guide .
degrees for improved "mental the Zionists by the U .N . in 1947 (54
To the Alma Mater Society council, Richard Nixon ,
Bill Bennett, Spiro Agnew, Rene Levesque, the B .C . Lions,
the Vancouver Blazers, the Vancouver Canucks an d
everyone else who is low in the standings : a recording of th e
Beatles Greatest Hits including : Sgt . Pepper's Lbnely Heart s
NOVEMBER 30, 1973
Club Band, Yesterday, You know My Name? I'm Down ,
Published Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays throughout th e
Yer Blues, Helter Skelter, Twist and Shout, Nowhere Man ,
university year by the Alma Mater Society of the University o f
Money Can't Buy Me Love, Ticket to Ride, Help! I'm a
B
.C. Editorial opinions are those of the writer and not of the AM S
Loser and The End .
or the university administration . Member, Canadian Universit y
To the students of UBC : none other than Canada' s
Press. The Ubyssey publishes Page Friday, a weekly commentar y
finest thrice-weekly student newspaper (West of False
and review. The Ubyssey's editorial offices are located in roo m
Creek) .
241K of the Student Union Building .
To the Ubyssey staff : booze, bylines, an end to th e
Editorial departments, 228-2301 ; Sports, 228-2305 ; advertising ,
innocence of youth and press cards to stick in the bands of
228-3977 .
Co-editors : Vaughn Palmer, Michael Sasge s
their felt hats.
Letter s
Hot
Mid East .
THE UP lUll
per cent) ; land occupied by Israe l
at the 1949 cease-fire (about 80 pe r
cent) ; and Israel in 1967 and toda y
(100 per cent plus parts of Syria
and Egypt) . That could shed som e
light on Arab `paranoia' abou t
Israeli territorial ambitions .
Or they could publish a globa l
map showing the main Jewish
communities in the world sending
Israel money and men, pressuring
their governments and molding
public opinion .
But perhaps the best cours e
would be to admit that maps, lik e
statistics, can lie, that they distort
'truth' by selecting the `reality '
they want to depict .
The Hillel maps exaggerate th e
Arab menace to Israel by implying
that the Arab world is monolithic ,
which is absurd ; most of the Ara b
nations depicted entered the war s
of 1967 and 1973 only on th e
rhetorical level, if at all . Arab
unity is a bad joke .
The maps could be prophetic ,
though : continued long enough ,
Israel's present policies may bring
about the unified Arab hostility
now falsely proclaimed .
Let's hope not .
R . W . Bevi s
english department
Need
I wish to make a brief statemen t
on a topic, as urgent as Arabs and
Jews . So urgent that it command s
our immediate attention . Replies
from all takers would be appreciated .
Ever since I quit fucking ,
fighting, smoking and masturbating when I was five years old, I
have been feeling the need fo r
something, some kind of
satisfaction (or is that sadis t
faction) . It is because of this need ,
I mistakenly waste time in pursui t
of things which, I am willing to
believe, will satisfy my need. M y
need is always out of reach . I come
so close but by and by I become
weary blowing my load so to speak ,
and then my need is gone further
than ever .
My need, I need you ; without
you, need, life has no need of me ,
and if I ever catch you need . . . .
Kevin Lync h
science 3
Friday, November 30, 1973
THE
UBYSSIEY
Page 5
Letters
student residences co-ordinatin g
committee set up by the board o f
governors in June has bee n
The pool planning committee meeting each week this term . I t
(The Ubyssey, Nov . 23) is not the makes decisions and policy af only committee at UBC on which fecting Gage Towers, Plac e
elected students have parity with Vanier, and Totem Park . So far it' s
the administration! The single been a model of caution, but soon i t
Parity
THE CHRISTMAS MASTHEA D
(A book report )
Author : Polski O'Gorkie, (dill) 1905-1902 .
Critique: Not bad actually . I've read worse . A few good whack-off bits ,
five whole chapters devoted to leathers and vaseline, and one of the nices t
canteloupe-embalming scenes ever written on the flyleaf .
SYNOPSIS : Three siamese twins born twenty miles and five days apart ,
Mike " Divine Whisk-Broom" Sasges and Vaughn Palmer, who wears a
begonia on his face are stolen by the gypsies and reunited at puberty . Go d
knows why . Michael suggests they have a party, and Vaughn suggests the y
run on the Socred ticket . Sensing some communication gap, they are visite d
by Ken Dodd, who describing himself as 'an old friend of the family' ,
undertakes to buy the twins — the other one died — and adopt them as hi s
maiden aunts twice removed .
Incensed at this apparent slight, Lesley Krueger, 'a younger old frien d
of the family' defaces a nearby curb in a furious kamikaze dive with her ca r
Fidel who dies of frostbite . Meanwhile Gary Coull, is born a virgin on a
faraway hill and waits for the Immaculate Conception .
Hearing at length of evildoers running amok among mortal men ,
supreme commander of the salvation army citadel Linda Hossie —she is kin d
and gentle for a girl in uniform — sweeps down and eats a rat while Pete r
Duffy checks out his subordinate clauses .
During the scene the onlooking Sharon Stevenson notes decadence i s
not confined to the rat world and she undertakes to persuade alchemist an d
part-time hemmorroid sufferer Jake van der Kamp to turn the Dru and Ken t
Spencer bourgeoisie into five quarts of cream cheese . Gordon Mullin an d
Christine Krawczyk, by the by, become Chilean nuns in a vague attempt t o
lure the phlegmatic Boyd McConnell and the choleric Ben Gelfant from thei r
machine gun roosts atop an Ex-law delivery truck .
The ever-vigilent Denise Massey, spotting a cockroach on a ver y
embarrassing part of Art Smolensky's light meter, smothers the filthy beas t
with a fistful of canned meat . Somewhat repelled by the huge greasy stai n
left on Smolensky's camera case, Ryon Guedes slanders a very famou s
soliloquoy (i .e . "Out Spam dot .")
Prudence Ramsbottom and Arnie Banham, who are rumored to b e
employees of the murderous Colon-Gnasher sect, disclose their plans to ri d
the world of all scum and nasty cuts by declaring flesh-colored band-aid s
illegal . A rebellion ensues among apprentice pederasts Bjorn Stavrum, Nic k
Stone and Barry Grannary who call for government restrictions on bunio n
pads and ingrown hairs . Wild-eyed cossacks subsequently ride Cheryl Steven s
and David Fuller into town and exact drastic measures, standing Kathy Bair d
and Pat Kanopsky headfirst in a pile of festering suet and plunging Mar k
Buchshon's thumbs into the bowels of a flatulent duck .
Village entrepreneurs John Dufort and Sue Inglis sell pieces o f
Buckshon's thumb to interested merchants, as Marise Savaria, queen o f
daguerrotypists, does a huge pictorial on dung gift ideas for Esquir e
magazine . Her co-workers Larry Manulak, Peter Cummings, Don Peterso n
and Greg Osadchuk, expose themselves .
Keeping in mind the old adage that taste is tantamount to art, the othe r
lens jockeys, J . Nakagawa, Hans Buys, Steve Yew and Marc Hamilton argu e
over what exposure they should be using .
Suddenly out of an abandoned athletic supporter factory, forgettabl e
character Rick Lymer lunges into the fray, breathing inanities and claimin g
all transvestites as dependents on his income tax . Subdued by Don Hubbert
a .k .a . Pookie the Bunny, and Ralph Maurer, he gradually gives way t o
unconsciousness while Peter Leibik makes a wide incision in his craniu m
with a half-sharpened pair of skates and Tom Barnes inserts a small leg of
lamb . Distressed by Lymer's sheepish grin, Alan Doree injects him with a
hormone shot originally meant for Joan Schwartz . Lymer gooses Ro n
Konkin and asks him to elope with him to a place where they can mak e
beautiful angora socks together . Moe Sihota tries to restrain him, but Lyme r
manages to eat Bruno Centura's pullover . He expires, and while bein g
dragged away his voice trails off incoherently with murmurings of lanoli n
and Anglela Dribble.
But a thundering iambic pentameter interrrupts the tranquility of th e
funeral service, as Stephen Morris, resplendent in rawhide and chainmail an d
stradd ing a huge, gaping stallion, bellows the bloody Aesthete's Battlecr y
and comes down like a wolf on the fold, slaughtering cynics left and righ t
with his trusty sword Elmer . Close at his heels trot Bernard Bischoff th e
terrible and Ed Cepka the constipated . Clad in gleaming cuirasses an d
executive-length socks, Rob Harvey and Linda Reed join the seething mes s
of dismembered and flying anal excretions and Kathy Ball hastily covers th e
partially-decomposed Jay Saint with lime .
Raising his austere head from his bowl of elk-flavored granola, Eric Ber g
sees his quiet hermit-like existence on muddy water and thistles disturbed b y
the chaotic activity going on outside his hollow leg . Threatening the gallant
knights Lance of Ware and Gordon of Montador, who stood knee-deep i n
decayed earwigs, he scolds them for ruining his dinner .
In Spain, meanwhile, Michael Volpe and Kathy Baird sense the threa t
the Spanish Armada poses toward the Ethiopian Light Hussar an d
Dog-swapping Brigade .
While mercenaries Katrina Von Flotow, Geoff Hancock and Sarah Elli s
prepare to engage the fleet in a fierce navel battle in the Sargasso Hotel, Pau l
Sterchi and Manabendra Bandyopadhyay plot the demise of the cancerous ,
and unsanitary banana republic despot Jim Millar . Brent MacKay, knowin g
the end is near, pulls his own entrails out with a pipe cleaner . Ian Spenc e
whets his sword, and Bruce Ralston wets himself . Joanne Gilbert stares int o
space . Suddenly the comet Kahoutek deviates from its ordained celestia l
path and destroys all life on earth .
Leo Tolstoy eat your heart out .
Public Service Canada
must come to grips with very rea l
issues .
A sub-committee, ably chaire d
by Ricki Anderson (Place Vanie r
women's chairman) is studyin g
organization within the residence s
to see whether the traditiona l
system of dons, resident fellow s
and student councils is still th e
most effective . Should housing
employ senior students as advisors
to residence students, or should
elected councils now carry the ful l
responsibility which is share d
presently by between advisors and
councils? What will make for th e
best life in residences ?
It's a big job — 3,500 or s o
residents are affected .
Steve Moehnack i
president ,
Totem Park residence associatio n
SUMMER EMPLOYMENT
1914
THIS COMPETITION IS OPEN TO BOTH MEN AND WOME N
Apply now if you are interested in Career-Oriented Summe r
Employment opportunities with the Federal Government .
In the summer of 1973 students from British Columbia wer e
employed in Career: Oriented positions with the followin g
government departments and agencies :
Agricultur e
Canadian Penitentiary Servic e
Auditor-Genera l
Consumer & Corporate Affair s
Communication s
Energy, Mines& Resource s
Environmen t
Indian & Northern Affair s
Financ e
Industry, Trade & Commerc e
Information Canad a
Manpower & Immigratio n
National Defence
Ministry of Transport
National Museu m
National Health & Welfare
Post Office
National Parole Boar d
Public Work s
Public Service Commissio n
R .C .M .P .
Public Service Staff Relation s
Statistics Canad a
Regional Economic Expansio n
Veterans' Affair s
Secretary of Stat e
Urban Affairs
Supply & Service s
National Revenue, Customs & Excis e
Unemployment Insurance Commissio n
Yeuch
Among the evils you did no t
exorcise in your "Time for a crap "
editorial (The Ubyssey, Nov . 21) ,
you did not blast those caddis h
professors who prohibit masturbating . I am one of those cads . I
refuse to grant masturbators th e
right to pollute any space I happe n
to be in charge of .
I do of course concede the righ t
of masturbators to foul up their
own sheets with the consequen t
risk of blindness .
Now I feel impelled to make a
confession ; one that I wouldn' t
want the registrar to hear about .
When I am assigned to oversee a n
examination where students ar e
known to me personally, at hal f
time I permit the addicts present t o
take five or six savage strokes an d
retire from the examination roo m
to relieve the turgidity .
I guess this betrays my concer n
for the poor devils deprivecl of their
crutch .
And maybe that just slushy
sentimentality on my part .
R . W . MacDonald-Duc k
censor
This incredibly tasteless lette r
was not written by any Ubysse y
staff member but due to a reques t
from the authors we have bee n
forced to use the abov e
pseudonym, though actually their
names are R . Carruthers and G .
Flynn, science 3—Eds .
* Students were placed in several locations in British Columbi a
and the Yukon and also in Ottawa .
Note : Students from ALL faculties are invited to apply .
ELIGIBILITY : All full-time students intending to return t o
university in 1974-75 . Appointments as a result of thi s
competition are subject to the provisions of the Public Servic e
Employment Act .
TO APPLY : Submit a UCPA form (available at your Placemen t
Office — Office of Student Services) and a list of courses taken ,
to :
Public Service Commission of Canada
203 — 535 Thurlow Stree t
Vancouver, B .C .
V6E 3L 4
CLOSING DATE : January 15, 197 4
FURTHER INFORMATION available at your placement office .
COMPETITION 74-4200
DUAL SERVIC E
STATIO N
Stanford MBA
4305 W . 10th (at Discovery )
REPRESENTATIV E
COMING TO CAMPU S
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 7
A representative of the Stanford Graduate School of
Business will be on campus to discuss with interested
students the exceptional educational opportunity o f
the Stanford MBA Program .
Appointments may be made throug h
The Office of Student Services
The Stanford MBA program is a two-year genera l
management course of studies designed for highly
qualified men and women who have majored i n
liberal arts, humanities, science, or engineering, and
wish to develop management skills to meet the broa d
responsibilities which will be required in both th e
private and public sectors in the future .
THE STANFORD UNIVERSIT Y
GRADUATE SCHOOL OF BUSINESS
Stanford, California 9430 5
SELF-SERVE ISLAN D
SAVE * SAVE * SAVE 4c OFF PER GALLON !
It's easy, almost automatic . Drive in and serv e
yourself . Overhead canopies protect you from rai n
or snow .
FULL SERVICE ISLANDSELF-SERVE ISLAND —
'
4c OFF
10th AVE .
Mon . thru Sat. : 7 a .m . Sun . : 10 a .m. - 6
FULL SERVICE ISLAN D
Have an attendant clean your windshield, chec k
your oil, battery, water, tires and fill your ga s
tank .
12 midnight
p .m .
THE
Page 6
Friday, November 30, 1973
UBYSSEY
One control for health car e
when Bill 81 comes i n
Prescription Optica l
FOR THE ABSOLUTE LATEST
IN EYEWEA R
LOOK TO . . .
By DRU SPENCER
All health care in British
Columbia will come under one
control when Bill 81 becomes an
act April 1, 1974, said UBC prof, Dr .
John McCreary in a lecture to
students Thursday .
Under Bill 81 the control of
health care will come under a
corporation of eight to 15 members
Barber tells AMS:
'throw me out'
years because of long hair style s
By GORD MULLI N
"They'll have to throw me out and he has been forced to lay of f
bodily," barber Georg e the other barbers who used to wor k
Ponomarenko told The Ubyssey for him .
The AMS action will shut him
Thursday .
Ponomarenko was referring to down completely with nowhere t o
the Alma Mater Society's notice of go, he claims .
When asked what he will do Jan .
eviction given him Nov . 21 . He run s
the barber shop in the SU B 1, the date he is supposed to mov e
out, Ponomarenko said . "I'll com e
basement .
Ponomarenko said his busines s to work as usual . I got nowhere t o
has been falling off for severa l go "
AMS council discussed th e
situation Wednesday and treasurer
John Wilson said if Ponomarenk o
doesn't move out the AMS migh t
put a chain across the doors of the
shop . Wilson also said the AM S
might store the barber chairs til l
Ponomarenko comes to pick the m
up .
When told of this new development Ponomarenko said : "If they
Keith Dunbar and John Dwyer put a lock on the door I'll put a
have been acclaimed as Graduat e chair in the hall . All those people
Student Association represen- upstairs don't pay for space. "
tatives on Alma Mater Societ y
The tables for the arts and crafts
council .
displays in the main corridor . of
Dunbar, an education gra d SUB are rented out at $2 a day .
student, and Dwyer, a graduate
Ponomarenko claims he has only
history student, were the only tw o been given one months notice bu t
nominees up to the Monda y Wilson claims formal notice cam e
deadline .
40 days before he had to move out .
Both were at council Wednesda y
Also his five-year lease expire d
night, along with GSA presiden t in July and he has been in SUB on a
month to month basis ever since .
Heather Wagg .
GSA post s
on counci l
acclaimed
Season's Greeting s
appointed by the lieutenant governor in council .
The main aim of the bill is to
establish and operate a medica l
and health sciences centre i n
Vancouver, McCreary said .
"The bill cuts across th e
University and Colleges Ac t
because training schools an d
courses for medical, and paramedical people and nurses wil l
come under its jurisdiction . "
"Granting diplomas and certificates upon completion o f
training courses is also controlled
by the Bill," he said .
"The organization of publi c
educational activities on the healt h
and treatment of ill or disable d
persons and medical research
relating to preventing and treatment of human illness an d
disability, will be taken over by th e
government," he said .
"Health professors weren' t
doing their jobs according to th e
federal government and this is on e
reason that training programs fo r
students were taken over," he said .
"The bill gives the corporation
the power to purchase, lease o r
acquire property . "
A provincial council comprisin g
the corporation, regional and othe r
representatives appointed by the
lieutenant-governor will be set-u p
to study the requirements fo r
medical operations in the province ,
he said .
The council "will review an d
make recommendations to the
health and education minister s
respecting proposals for buildin g
and equipping, training facilities i n
the health field .
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WINEMAKING KIT S
When I was five years old I wanted a
Christmas tree . The fact that I was Jewish didn' t
bother me . So what? The corner Christmas tree
man wouldn't mind if I bought one . But for Some
reason or other my mother did not share m y
•liberality .
I remember bundling alongside her on e
Montreal afternoon . I could smell the pines a
block away . "Cun we buy a curstmas tree?" I
asked . Mother insisted my scarf cover half m y
face, so my speech and breathing was somewha t
impaired . In fact, hooded over by a thick blu e
snowsuit,and cuffed by unmanageable mitten s
(a sly prevention against snow balls) I was a
minor sensory deprivation experiment . "No "
was my muffled answer .
I couldn't understand . Larry next door ha d
one. Arnold across the street had one . Avru m
upstairs had one . Why was I deprived? "Jewis h
people do not celebrate Christmas," was all she
said . Why that meant I couldn't have a tree I stil l
did not understand, but for the first time I understood I was Jewish.
Being Jewish meant Channukah . Whic h
wasn't quite the same thing . Channukah mean t
gelt. Lighting candles . Polishing the menora .
But no Christmas tree.
I was seven years old when we moved to
Chomedey . Chomedey was a newly create d
suburb. It must have had a special attraction ,
because a third of Montreal's Jewish populatio n
came with us :
When you're eight years old ethnic origin s
aren't very important . Everybody was equal ,
but not on Jewish holidays . Which made th e
"other" kids envious because we had the best o f
both worlds : days off in September and holiday s
in December .
And I had my Christmas tree .
My first was in grade two . In the back corner
of the room . Decorated like you'd expect a tree t o
be decorated by 38 kids in two art periods . And
smelling . . . divine .
Everyone would buy a gift for the one
classmate they would draw from a hat of names ,
tradition which persisted throughout m y
elementary years . Agony was picking Alexander, or getting picked by Freda . But there wer e
ways . My girl-friend Joyce traded with her best
THE IDEAL GIF T
FO R
—marise savaria phot o
Tinselled and tasselled . . . distinctly ethnic .
friend Ellen for my name . I found out by bribing
Ellen's Helen . However, Howard told Joyce I
traded with Caroline for Suzie . Grade four
wasn't my best Christmas .
I became aware of social pressures in grad e
four. That's when I asked mother again for a
tree .
"What would your friends say?" Whic h
meant what would her friends say . "Where
would we put it?" Which meant where would we
hide it . "Grandma and grandpa would die . "
Which meant forget it .
The only indication that Christmastime cam e
to Chomedey was the weather . I could walk fo r
blocks without seeing a coloured light, crimso n
Santa or decorated tree . Yet across Labelle
Blvd ., in the French section, the world was aliv e
with festivity and song . The rest of Chomede y
was in mourning .
Except for one family on my ' street . A Frenc h
family . Our only bright light in the December
sky . Jesus Christ had come to Dover Drive . Th e
neighbours never said anything . Nobody spoke o f
it . They preferred to ignore the electric blue fir
tree on the lawn (I'm sure it grew a foot a yea r
just for spite), the huge red Santa, sleigh an d
nine reindeer on the roof . It destroyed th e
street's continuity .
My high school, Chomedey Protestant High
School, had both . A Christmas tree on the righ t
and a Channukah bush on the left of the entrance .
That was in my school which was changed t o
Chomedey Polyvalent High school because 85 per
cent of the students were distinctly no n
Protestant .
Don't think we were anti-Christmas . Quite the
opposite . My family enjoyed the atmosphere of
merriment and excitement . Every Christma s
eve we would drive through Hampstead t o
marvel at the displays .
Perhaps that's why I wander restlessly every
Christmas eve . I go to midnight mass . Peering
into houses, I study the warmth within . I travel
great distances looking, searching . I haven' t
seen Chomedey for years . I haven't been to a
synagogue in years .
But I can't buy a Christmas tree .
Steve Morris
PRICES RANG E
FROM 23 9
TO
sIEQ511
FE
COME TO
VANCOUVER
3417 W. Broadway
731-4726
WEST VAN
Park Royal
North Mall
926-161 0
BURNABY
4525 E . Hastings
299-9737 .
NORTH VA N
1125 Lonsdal e
987-8713
NEW WESTMINSTE R
815—12th St .
524-906 6
SURRE Y
13575 King George Hwy .
588 . 581 0
CHARLES
The STONE
BRONSON
KILLER
MATURE — piWarning
Vogue ve ry violent
ure
ith a SHOWS AT 12 :20, 2 :30 ,
swearing
an d
coarse
4 :40, 6 :50, 9 :00
918GRANVILLE
635-5434
language.—B .C . Dir.
SUNDAY 2 :30, 4 :40, 6 :50, 9 :0 0
Parents
.. .~
A
of horro r . and violence
. W . McDONALD.—R
Corone
14
SHOW ITIMES :
12 :15,2 :10,4 :05 ,
6 :00, 8 :00, 10 :0 0
$51 GRANVILLE
685-6828
starring Donald Pleasence
andChriStOpher Le e
ELLIOTT GOULD i n
"THE LONG GOODBYE "
*
4- 4 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- 4
TEEN ANGEL
Held Over to Dec . 8! !
Tonight an d
Tomorrow Night
Next Attraction
Dec . 10 till ?
WILDROOT
THE MEATMARKET ROOM AT
SYNDICATE CITY
• 1129 HOWE AT DAVIE ACROSS HOLIDAY IN N
3 ROOMS — ALL DIFFERENT !
•
Res . 688-2844 683-6111 Res.
***************I(
Page Friday, 2
881 GRANVILLE
682-7468
A NORMAN 1I V ISO's Fu m
The
JOHNNY OTIS
Show
Special Feature—Dec . 1s t
JAYSON HOOVE R
Directed by ROBERT ALTMA N
The man who gave you "M .A .S .H . "
SHOW TIMES : 12 :30, 2 :45, 5 :00, 7 :15, 9 :30
MATURE : Some violence and coarse language .
—R . W . McDONALD, B .C . Dir .
Odeon
NEXT WEE K
BO DIDDLE Y
JESUS CHRIST 20th wee k
SUPERSTAR"
Genera l
Park
SHOW TIMES :
7 : 30, 9 :30
"
CAM61E at 16T h
676-2'747
I l
SUNDAY MAT . 2 P .M .
"SUPERB "
1
Time Mag .
Dec . 12 - Dec . 1 5
DAVID STEINBER G
Comedia n
Varsi
V
ty
224-373 0
4375 W . 10th
2 Shows Nightly
`9
and 11 p .m .
p.m.
THE EGRES
S
. 687-461 3
11 739 Beatty St
THE UBYSSEY
"SENSATIONALLY FUNNY! "
GENERA L
— L .A . Times
SHOW TIMES : 7 :30, 9 :35
SUNDAY MATINE E
SHAKESPEARE FESTIVA L
Varsity
224-3730
4375 W . 10th
"KING LEAK
BROOKS
KS
Starring PAUL SCHOFIEL D
CURTAIN — 2 P .M . — GENERAL
Friday, November 30, 197 3
Dick Mclane 's guide to leisure presents :
Big city bargain s
The Night Life
For the holiday season, Dick McLane's Guide to
Leisure looks at, and appraises, those elusive night spots
where one can usually find some Christmas cheer .
Merry Christmas .
HASTINGS & COLUMBIA — A very popular spot, ye t
mostly inexperienced . The decor of the area is rathe r
mousy, but prices are reasonable . Hours are good : Noo n
'til four or five in the morning . Strictly cash . However ,
one may trade in kind .
PENDER & COLUMBIA — Generally better than th e
previous, despite their proximity . Offers fresher and
better quality . Ignore the surroundings . Hours ar e
usually from eight 'til two . Strictly cash . ** *
DAVIE & BUTE — This highly popular spot has a tendency to move around . It usually stays however within a
two block radius . The fare is rated expensive but i s
usually of good quality . One can find something to sui t
one's tastes most of the time . Hours are around midnigh t
to well after three in the morning . Sorry, no credit cards ,
but sometimes cheques will be accepted . *** *
DAVIE & THURLOW — This spot has rather inconsistent hours . However, quality is quite good .
Sometimes one has to look in the back alley . Variou s
dishes available at prices comparable to the Davie &
Bute location, except only cash is accepted . Hours are
from about midnight 'til five in the morning . ** *
GRANVILLE & DAVIE — The environment makes fo r
poor quality . Good place for bargain hunters . Prices are
moderate and hours short . Also, patrons should be
warned about old and stale products . Start looking
around nine in the evening . Closes around midnight .
Cash only, but spare change might do it . *
GRANVILLE & NELSON — This spot ' s action usually
happens around the middle of the block . Nothin g
recommended and, although their stock is usually fresh ,
it suffers from any sort of quality control . Hours are
from ten 'til two. Cash and carry . * *
KEEFER & GORE — This spot is usually a haunt of th e
younger generation because it is sort of off the beate n
track, so to speak . However, the quality suffers from no t
being in the limelight . One can usually pick up a goo d
deal . Prices are moderate and the hours are from ten 'ti l
two . ***
Dining tip s
—Don't come too early because space is usually at a
premium as are the prices . If you go later, chances are
business has slackened and you get preferential treatment .
—Don't accept the first price . Try to bargain down an d
arrive at a compromise .
—Uptown a car is usually the best mode of travelling ,
however, across town parking isn't usually available, so ,
try and walk .
—Never try and leave without paying . One usually ha s
to pay before being served, anyway .
—Don't carry all your money with you . Just the approximate amount and leave your wallet in a safe place .
NELSON & SEYMOUR — This spot offers a wide variet y
of exotic dishes . Very sophisticated and expensive . Wel l
worth it . Hours start as early as eight, but a better tim e
is from ten 'til two thirty . *** *
PENDER & MAIN — This spot has been around for a
long time and suffers from a poor reputation . However ,
one can usually find something suitable to one's tastes .
Prices are usually very high . So, wait until you se e
something that you figure is worth the expenditur e
because they all cost the same . Hours start aroun d
ninish up until one thirty or two . * *
ROBSON & SEYMOUR — This- spot has a high concentration of exclusive personnel and caters to the same .
Prices were unavailable at press time . Hours are pretty
hard to pin down, but, in general, the evening is you r
most likely bet. Sometimes Chargex, Amex, Cart e
Blanche. ***
. Letters
Dear Dick :
This is just to thank you for exquisite Guide to Leisure .
I work up here in Kitimat for long stretches at a time . I
found your guide indispensible for when I took m y
holidays in Vancouver .
Please enter my subscription for a year .
I . M. Smelte r
Dear Sir :
I was distressed with your appraisal of Hastings &
Columbia. Last month a buddy and I went down to the
spot and didn't find one . Where is this "spot" yo u
described in last month's issue?
M . R . Uxoria
As we endeavour to pin down thdse "spots", it is rathe r
hard . Our only suggestion to you is to persevere .
Dear Dick :
As I am retired in Spuzzum, I never get back to Van ,
my home town . However, thanks to your Guide t o
Leisure I can still keep abreast of what's going on at m y
old haunts . Keep up the good work .
Jack Ripa r
Dear Dick :
I really enjoy your Guide to Leisure . I'm 16 years ol d
and Igo with all my friends in my Chevy to look at all th e
"spots". I think it's great for our edication [sic] to se e
life like it really is . Right on .
Eddie Bruc e
Tell it like it is, brother.
Dear Dick :
I wanna have twenty-five a your Guide to Leisures . All
my boys up here are dying to get a copy for the Christmas for when they go home . They all need it badly .
Please hurrying or else I gonna get killed .
M. E . Forreste r
Personalitie s
Name : Santa Claus .
Occupation : `Spreading happiness throughout th e
world and promoting peace between everyone' .
Interests : `Chiefly I work up north for the better par t
of the year . Of course, around December I have to hustle
all over, especially near the end of that month . I guess I
enjoy flying quite a bit . Making toys is a pretty big thing
with me too . '
Pet Peeve : Kids who aren't good .
Will the Energy Crisis Hamper You : No, not really
because I don't really depend on gas or electricity for m y
travels . Besides, reindeer are pretty economical .
What If You Were President Nixon : Defect . And, I' m
telling you, he isn't going to get any Christmas presents .
What Would You Rather Be : Nothing else, but myself .
Except, I'd like to get my instrument rating so I coul d
get my sled into Los Angeles, O'Hare, and J .F .K . Tha t
smog is hard to fly in without the added hazard of Boein g
747 ' s .
What's Wrong With Society Today : Chimneys .
Nowadays, with electrical and natural gas heating ,
there aren't very many chimneys around . I find it reall y
hard to get in and out of homes — especially apartments .
Your Future Plans : Oh, I won't change much ; as fa r
as I can see . Maybe, if people begin to lose interest in m e
and what I stand for, I'll just retire up here, in the north .
The only thing I'm really worried about are all the oi l
rigs up here .
Boyd McConnel l
The Persecution
an d
Assassination of
SANTA CLAUS
as performed b y
the inmates of
a toy sho p
under th e
direction of
BARBY DOL L
THE LAST
It happened before Christmas . It happened one night after
the last customer had squeezed his parcels out of the show . I t
happened unexpectedly . It happened in darkness . It happened
when Barby Doll the Last had enough .
She jumped from her shelf and shouted : "No more exploitation, put an end to alienation, fight for emancipation wit h
all your heart! Dolls, Teddy Bears and rubber pets of the world
unite!" Immediately a chorus of negro dolls yelled from th e
lower shelves "Right on" and a row of Twist and Turn Wais t
Dolls began to sing ,
We are all pink and yellow
We are all dressed in purple and whit e
But the red banner we follow
Friday, November 30, 1973
In the realm of playland . . . the revolution begin s
There were shouts of approval . The sound of stamping
feet came from the plastic pet section . Seventeen cotton
monkeys were clapping their hands . "Yes, let's rise ,
let's stand up," said Rolly-Polly the tumbler, Jumpin g
Jack shouted : "No more pulling my leg, down with the
bearded, red coated creature vvho comes here ever y
morning to stuff us in his sack, he only buys poor in THE
UBYSSEY
nocent children's soul with us, no more of that!" Bu t
while a Dress-me Doll bitterly complained about the lo w
temperature in the store, Barby Doll the Last ha d
climbed on a doll buggy to make a speech .
"Sisters and brothers : it is precisely this red-coat tha t
represents Uncle Sam and his puppet government tha t
Continued on pf 5
Page Friday, 3
Merry neurose s
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•
• The Last Picture Sho w
•
•
I
1
Kaiser Klaus . . . a whole different bag .
Few people know how perverted Christma s
is. I decided to consult Freud and came to th e
stark naked conclusion that Christmas is dirty .
And I am not the only one .
At this very moment studies are being don e
by some of the top psychiatrists in Nort h
America on the disgusting aspects of Christmas .
Their facts are startling . Indeed, Dr . Scrubutz,
the eminent psychiatrist at Squalsh University ,
Newfoundland, states that Christmas ha s
become so obscene that people under eighteen
should not really be allowed to participate . H e
says that the main corrosive element is Sant a
Claus himself . One of his colleagues, Dr. Vinkle ,
who resides in Traf, Manitoba at the institute fo r
The Mentally Inane (as a doctor) goes one step
further . He claims that Santa Claus is an out an
out neurotic . However, in most cases the tw o
men agreed in principle and proved as far as I
was concerned how truly smutty Christmas is .
Essentially both doctors thought Santa Clau s
was definitely very strange if not completel y
mad . For example, they pointed out how
peculiar it is for an old, unmarried man to hang
around alot of little elves . And just where did
these elves spring from? I mean one doesn't jus t
come by alot of elves . But it is not just the elves .
There is also his odd fascination for reindeer .
And it might be noted here that beastiality is not
illegal up north due to the shortage of females .
"Vich," says Dr . Vinkle," could explain vhy
Rudolf's nose is so red ." But there is more !
Ghastly more !
Dr . Scrubutz was able to obtain inside dat a
from one of Santa's top advisory elves whos e
off ice is located at Matell Toys Ltd ., N .Y . This elf
said that Santa never once changed his clothes .
He always wore red pant suit with high red boot s
and a whip . Dr . Scrubutz, while realizing the sui t
was a means of getting attention, pointed ou t
that the riding boots and whip indicated a
sadistic personality trait resulting from ver y
poor potty training . Dr . Vinkle, on the othe r
hand, said that in Traf a man wearing a red jum p
suit and high boots indicated something else
entirely . The elf also claimed that Santa did no t
run a union shop . And he often drove his employees, especially during December, to th e
utter limits of exhaustion . Dr . Scrubutz, a n
authority on megalomania, was quoted to hav e
said, "Zanta obviously zuffers from deluzions of
—katrina von flotow cartoo n
•
grandeur and it iz only a matter of time before h e
takes over zee whole world!" It might be wort h
mentioning here that Dr . Scrubutz received his
training during the war at Berlin University .
However, in one section of his report 'Dr .
Vinkle also states that Santa could be considere d
dangerous . The fact that one night every Sant a
reverts from his reclusive, introverted personality to become an outgoing .extrover t
suggests compulsive, schizoid tendencies . These
extreme tendencies lead him to break and enter
millions of homes by leaping down chimneys .
Behaviour such as this, Dr. Vinkle goes on and
on, certainly indicates if not an imbalanced
mind, a-mind bent on rape . For it is obvious tha t
Santa Claus gets some kind of cheap thrill b y
thrusting his erect body down long, narrow, dark
shutes .
However, Dr . Scrubutz disagrees . He writes
that the chimneys represent the anal Santa
never had . Dr . Vinkle then counters this
argument by pointing out that the little presents
Santa leaves are obviously symbolic of sperm .
Dr . Scrubutz, on the other hand, thinks i f
anything they are symbolic of his droppings an d
not sperm . Yet even though they do not alway s
see eye to eye both men do think that something
must be done . And soon !
People are allowing their children to becom e
involved in the perversions of Christmas with no
thought to their moral upbringing . They allow
them to play with his sex-crazed toys — boobi e
Barbie dolls and electric trains (with tunnel) .
They let them hang out stockings, an acting ou t
of penis envy (even by those that have them) i f
ever there was . Not to mention the licking o f
phallic candy canes . Oh it is all too much !
Dr . Vinkle and Dr . Scrubutz have filed thei r
reports to the FBI and the CBC and are waitin g
anxiously for some action to be taken . Dr .
Scrubutz says it is only a matter of time no w
before Santa is arrested . Asked about what th e
reaction of the nation would be if Santa wa s
jailed they both thought a state of emergency
would have to be called . Dr . Vinkle said, "V e
have to get rid of thees man and se great he ha s
over people ." Both men said they would willingl y
head a committee to deal with the number of
distraught people there would be . Such
dedication in such times is truly marvellous !
Joanne Gilbert
BLUES SHOW
WILLIE
N
DIXO
AND TH E
•
The Last Picture Sho w
The Last Picture Sho w
The Last Picture Show
The Last Picture Sho w
The Last Pict
The Last Pict
The Last Pict
The Last Pict
The Last Pict
The Last Pict
The Last Pict
The Last Pict i
The Last Pict
!The Last Pict
STILL I N
SUB AUD .
THE «'
LAST
PICTURE
SHOW
Fri .
7 :00
& 9 :30
Sat .
7 :00
& 9 :30
,
Sun .
7 :00
The Last Pict i
The Last Picture Sho w
The Last Picture Show
50
c
S .u .b . FILM
S .u .b . FILM
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S.u .b . FILM
S.u .b . FILM
SOCIETY
SOCIETY
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SOCIET Y
SOCIETY
S .u .b . FILM SOCIETY
rstasasoessixossssasssitsassmssisessmolealtsasstonsmsssuimss :ssitsissm a
IChristmasi
g
comin
is
u
I Time to say goodbye for the holidays to al l
your school friends, new and old .
But you don't have to loose touch cornpletely . You could send them Christma s
cards . . . or invite them to that big New
Year ' s Eve party .
I
I
I
Keeping in touch will be a lot easier wit h
Bird Calls — the U .B.C. Student Telephone
Directory . Bird Calls contains the names ,
addresses and phone numbers of U .B .C .' s
20,000 students . Plus bonus coupons that w
can help you with your Christmas shop ping.
Bird Call s
CHICAGO ALLSTAR S
and also
JOHN LEE HOOKER
f
Student Telephone Director y
Only 75 at :
e
P.N.E. GARDEN S
Wednesday, Dec . 5, 8p m
The Bookstore, S.U .B. Information Booth, A .M .S .
Ticket Office (S .U .B . Rm . 266), the Thunderbird Shop ,
i University Pharmacy and Mac' s Milk in the Villaqe .
Tickets at the Thunderbird Sho p
and all Concert Box Office Outlets
I
Icamramussissassassautassmssstmasmmacssrastasssassas ys.Ft sasssaisssisamnall
Page
Friday, 4
THEUBYSSEY
Friday, November 30, 1973
Stoned Xmas in Kabu l
Christmas is not officially celebrate d
in Afghanistan, the Central Asia n
kingdom situated between Iran an d
Pakistan . So when my wife and I were i n
Afghanistan on Christmas Eve, we wer e
determined to find a practical substitute .
Christmas is not celebrated in thi s
Islamic country and yet we need a
Christmas, a Christmas which is a
necessary part of ourselves . We did not
feel like lampooning or parodying thi s
celebration and nor did any of th e
travellers we met on that long roa d
between Europe and India . Everyone
was homesick .
Tap, a tall gaunt-featured America n
from Colorado, who was going trekkin g
in Nepal, joked with the passengers on
the bus as we pulled into Kabul, th e
capital city of Afghanistan .
"How's your Christmas shopping
going?" he said . The passengers, fierce
pirate looking Afghans with rifles an d
turbans glared at him .
It was a cold overcast afternoo n
Christmas Eve in Kabul . The mud unde r
our feet was rock hard . To the right of the
bus was a long hamster-coloured wal l
where men were squatting urinating .
Hanging about were the ever present
carrion pigs — black flea shape d
creatures who lived on excretement . To
the left of the bus were wide open gutter s
and beyond that people and donkeys o n
the main street. A shifty looking ma n
offered to sell us hashish . We said no
because I already had a golf ball size d
piece which cost me 60c . Instead we
asked about a hotel . The man knew a
place where — he made a long hair sig n
— the travellers went . We followed hi m
to the Helal Hotel .
It was incredible! Someho w
somebody had got hold of a scrawn y
seven foot Christmas tree which wa s
decorated with a paper chain, coloured
light, and cotton snow . On the wall was a
poster torn out of a notebook . The Hela l
was featuring "Western-Style Christma s
dinner — turkey, stuffing, mincemeat ,
corn and roast potatoes U .S . $1 ." It wa s
so unbelievable after the strain of
crossing Turkey and Iran in the middle o f
December that our minds were fuzzy fo r
quite a few minutes .
Christmas Eve was spent in an atmosphere of little impressions . W e
walked around Kabul . Donkeys wer e
carrying cauliflower, mallard ducks .
hung by their wings in open air shops ,
letter writers squatted under kerosene
lamps with tiny bottles of ink and quil l
pens. We saw piles of mandarin oranges
with sharp green leaves and shopkeeper s
swathed in thick Afghan coats with lon g
sleeves . We stamped our feet to keep
them warm and then we went back to the
hotel .
A slick westernized Afghan, who
looked like Woody Allen, wante d
somebody to go to a party with him . He
worked part-time at the America n
Embassy teaching Pashto to the employees .
cracked the shells in the ashes an d
matchsticks on the table . He got out hi s
hash-pipe and puffed on it .
"A very Merry Christmas," he sai d
between tokes . "A very Merry Christmas . "
My wife and I tidied up our room . An d
then I remembered a flower seller in the
street, a small boy with the grey karaku l
cap of the Moslems .
"The snack bar has hot dogs, mil k
shakes and coca-cola," he said . Nobod y
responded.
"I'll let you look at my copy of
Playboy," he then said, pulling th e
magazine from under his tweed topcoat .
The issue was six months old . Under the
coat he wore blue jeans, a loud shirt an d
a cowboy style belt with big buckle. He
looked like he was going to a squar e
dance . Nobody ever went to a party wit h
him because he was such a patheti c
creep .
Tap meanwhile was complaining . He
was running out of vitamin B-comple x
pills . Tomorrow, he said, he was going t o
the U .N . hospital to get a shot of
penicillin . He then invited us to shar e
some visions of sugar plums . He took ou t
his little meerschaum pipe, put in a pea
Continued from page 3
{
s
are the enemies of the people . Against them we lift ou r
fists . We have to fight before it is too late . Look at us ,
already they make us regimented like themselves . Jus t
look at us, one like the other . You teddy bears, there are
hundreds of you and all make the same 'meah' whe n
they stumble . Protest worthy bears, you have a right to
individuality . Look at us dolls, now we even have bendable legs, but no more shall we stoop to smiling Santa
Claus, no, we shall unite and with the power of the op pressed we shall hang the hypocrite ; the white cord
around his waist will serve that purpose just fine . Onc e
we get' rid of him, we shall be able to drop out of tha t
puppet show! "
Barby had to shout at the top of her voice . Everybody
was very excited . Hangly-Tangly the marionette was al l
in favour of taking the strings in their own hands . Fro m
the lollypop stack, somebody screamed : "the world is
all candy and someday it will be sucked away! "
A plush monkey whispered to his pal who was rattlin g
a plastic banana against a toy car, "You know, Barby' s
energy is not that surprising when you consider that she
is one of those pissing dolls . You know she gets squeezed
on her stomach all day, when they want to show he r
bladder capacity .
"Jesus, yeah", replied the other, "being tickled all
day without moving at all! "
But just then, the noise made by all the puppets, dolls ,
rocking horses and Donald Ducks became unbearable .
Friday, November 30, 1973
sized piece of hashish and began puffin g
away . We watched the Christmas free b y
candlelight as the pipe went around an d
around and around . About a dozen peopl e
were smoking in the dining room of th e
hotel . Tap quit complaining .
We went back to our room . My wife
clipped a nativity scene from the back o f
a cookie package with nail scissors . O n
my tiny four transistor radio I picked up
a rhythm and blues station from Kuwait .
We were hoping for Handel's Messiah .
Christmas day was sunny and cool wit h
a bit of low cloud cover . We exchange d
gifts ; Greek coins, a pair of woven came l
leather belts, hand made peasant socks .
Tap hard cooked some eggs on hi s
Swedish primus stove and made a hone y
sandwich. He brewed some tea and
Even Drowsy Chatty Cathy with the leaden plates unde r
her eyelids climbed out of her box, following Barby's cal l
to action .
Jack and Jill demanded the right to speak : "Have you
no more respect for our laws? Is order and securit y
nothing to you?" they asked in a melancholic voice .
Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy suggested that they al l
sit down to a game of 'monopoly' or `risk' like the night s
before . They pleaded to give their government anothe r
chance and forget about the bloody killing of goo d
natured Santa Claus . But-,their opposition was laughe d
at .
"Those folk dolls never had no backbone," a piggy bank grunted, and all of the others just abhored the ide a
of getting sucked into playing artother game with thos e
reactionaries . Barby Doll at last was sure of her contro l
of the situation . She laughed and shouted : "If we ever
listened to you guys, we would still go in rags . Oh no, i f
you want to, you just keep on going getting smashe d
against the wall by little spoiled brats, but we will smas h
Santa Claus against the wall of hell now . "
And just as the whole gang began to sing ,
Santa Claus it's you we cal l
we bring thy kingdom to a fall .
the air started trembling, there was a breeze above thei r
heads, and a silky toy bird was circling around Barby . I t
was Jonathan Livingstone Seagull who had bee n
practising by himself, far above the revolutionary
chatter . He dropped a note at Barby's feet . "The goal
T H E UB Y SEY
I went out into the street to buy som e
daffodils . I was afraid to let my wife g o
by herself because her long blonde hai r
always attracted attention . The sun wa s
so bright I had to screw up my eyes . The
air was heavy with dust from a came l
train . The dust shone golden in the
sunlight and through the haze caught a
wondrous vision of the East surrounding
me : the .labourers with broken sandals
pulling heavy carts of bricks, the hot
burnt smells of kabobs, the cries of blin d
beggers, a young voice shouting, "he y
mister, hey mister, shoeshine, five
afghanis ." A donkey shoved rudely pas t
with a load of chubby garlics in burla p
bags, his owner flicking at his heels wit h
a long thin stick . A white bearded dark faced man stood on a corner with brigh t
red and black carpets on his shoulders .
Women glided by in green and navy
blue chaderis — the veiled robes, an d
under their hems I caught a glimpse o f
fashionable high heel shoes . This was m y
own personal private Christmas Day an d
it exhilerated me! I paid for the flowers ,
probably far more than they were wort h
because the young flower seller becam e
all smiles .
Back in the room we taped the nativit y
scene to the window. In the distance we
could see young boys flying kites and the
dust coloured roofs of Kabul . Beyond tha t
we saw the 15,000 foot peaks of the Pamir
Mountains . We were incredibly homesick
and kept wondering what the family wa s
doing back home, some thirteen hour s
previous . We decided to go for a beer .
There was no beer to be found in Kabul .
So we went to the Khyber Restaurant ,
which is something like a Woolworth' s
self serve . It is the ritziest place in Kabu l
and there we had a cup of Lipton's Tea .
This we later learned was eithe r
smuggled into the country from a
pilfered freighter in Bombay, or wa s
ordinary tea under a counterfeit Russia n
label .
Back at the Helal, we treated ou r
friends to the U .S . one dollar special, an d
suddenly Christmas Day was over .
The day slid away from us in a ver y
business like fashion . We were discussin g
plans for India . A young Sikh boy, about
nineteen years old, with a turban like a n
orange tugboat, came over to exchange
dollars for black market rupees . Our life
had shifted into another gear. But while i t
lasted this was one of the mos t
memorable Christmases of all .
Geoff Hancock
lies beyond," it read, and Jonathan was off again b y
himself, hungry, happy, learning.
Barby Doll the Last screamed after him, "What do yo u
think? This is not a Punch and Judy show like yours, W e
are serious," and turning to her comrades she continued
"Let's go, brothers and sisters . We have to hide her e
behind these stacks, half of us here, the other half behind
those Watergate game boxes . Just be patient till the
wasted red fox comes . "
And indeed, a few hours later, when Santa Claus came
to stuff his sack full with toys, all of a sudden hundreds o f
enraged dolls and puppets, hundreds of stuffed toy pet s
tore him down, kicked his ass and stuffed him in hi s
sack.
But at the same time, countless jeeps, tanks, battleships, destroyers, rockets and fighting-planes bega n
creeping out of their boxes like millions of maggots ou t
of larvas . The B-52 Stratofortresses slowly moving in th e
airconditioner's draft, suddenly dropped their bombs .
Cowboy guns began to fire, machine guns scattere d
aimless bullets all over the place and armies of . tinsoldiers began to move in the name of justice .
It took only a minute and order was re-established. Nix
on earth can stop things from being as they should be .
Santa Claus was later found drifting in the Pacific . He
thought he could hide behind his beard for ever, the fool !
Barby Doll the Last and her followers had to die too .
They didn't know that this is no age of Pinnochio, The
fool$!
Paul Sterchi
Page Friday, 5
Last Friday, Ubyssey correspondent Peter Duff y
presented the first two chapters (sort of)
of his trip south of Houston, Texas,
to cover millienium 73.
As everyone now knows
Duffy never made it. In the following four chapters
(sort of), he recounts the form
and content of what turned him away fro m
the guru Marah ji's little circus –
some time with author-druggist-journalist
Ken Kesey – and why he came back a better man
for the time spent with Kese y
and his Timothy Leary liberation assaul t
battalion somewhere in the backwood s
of Oregon.
Guru Kesey
holds Orego n
millenium
Portland in two day s
Fred was going to pick me up at 0700 . We
were going to blitz across the mountains b y
loon . But he didn't show until 0930 . Told me
Ross had scrubbed . Then we had to stop fo r
theft insurance which took two more hours .
We didn't leave until noon . The sacred
journey to hear the great plan for peace for
all mankind had to be delayed so we coul d
insure ourselves against theft .
In seeking security we had betrayed ou r
lack of faith in the great god . We are not tru e
followers . I should have tried to convinc e
Fred not to get insurance just for the sake o f
the millenium . If those who come don't hav e
faith then it's no good .
The beginning of the journey was utterly
black, not a redeeming thing about it .
There is a story of a priest who offered to
bring rain during a drought . All the peopl e
should attend when he tells stories of gods .
The rain god will bring down the rain if the y
all come with faith . They will beget the
praise of the rain god and there will be rain .
The discourse lasted 48 days . On the 48th
day it rained . He told more stories abou t
praising the rain god and it kept raining .
Everyone praised him as the priest who
brought the rain down . Then the priest said :
"No, the praise does not come to me . I don' t
deserve it, nor any of you audience, but the
one lone man at the end of the crowd who
came_ everyday with an umbrella . It is hi s
faith that brought the rain down . "
In seeking insurance we betrayed . That' s
why nothing happened at the Astrodome .
The false prophet left himself an escape
clause "for those who will listen" . We
betrayed ourselves and our lack of faith i n
the great proclamation of peace being
delivered for all mankind. We had to run for
security and be Americans . That is why his
plan didn't work, there was no one to stand
in the red plastic meadow with an umbrella
to protect himself from peace dove droppings . That is why the scoreboard didn't go
berserk .
We intended to cross the mountains near
Seattle then turn south . We had been
bullshitting, having a nice day . The weather
was nice ; the van was running good . We
were rapping and getting into the trip . I
smelled the snow . Then it got bitter cold .
When we descended it stayed cold . Fred's
defrosters would melt the snow but the
Page Friday, 6
wipers wouldn't wipe it off so it caked up
with ice, and we had to find wipers ,
somewhere . There were none .
We did find out that on the east side of th e
mountains, all the way to Texas was nothin g
but blizzards and treacherous and impassable routes . Fred said : "It wasn't
snowing in Vancouver, why should it b e
snowing anywhere else?" After all the dela y
we learned that the only sane thing to do
would be to head back across the mountains
to the coast and take route 5 to 66. So for the
next 200 miles we wouldn't be doing any
south, or even any east, but west . That gave
a bad tone to the whole time .
We had crossed the mountains twice in
half a day where it took pioneers months t o
hack their way through . The mountains an d
the elements were telling us don't bothe r
about the millenium because whatever i s
the malady of the society is bein g
scrutinized and checked by our tall peak s
and our storming elements . We are taking
care of things in our way ; don't lose you r
head about false prophet's proclamation s
down in Houston .
Nature redirected our route back to the
coast . There is a crisis because of a malady ,
the structure of the entire American society .
And the mountains will usher in th e
millenium . Their agent will not be Maharaj
ji the alient priest, his mysticism is foreig n
to North America .
Third shoe drop s
I did not make it to the greatest event in
the history of mankind ; and it's a good thin g
I didn't . Those tall peaks had a blizzard i n
them that caught up to the van four time s
and drove us back west to the coast .
.
We stopped in a restaurant and heard
people who didn't know one another talkin g
about the weather . They appeare d
awestruck as if huddled together and this
awe cut through heavy vibes in the room .
Two policemen were sitting at the counter
with two of the biggest pistols ever made .
There was more of the guns sticking out o f
the holsters than in ; there was only the mos t
insignificant of straps looped over the
hammer . Fred said : "Look! They've got
quick-release holsters ." People actuall y
talked to them as if they were norma l
human beings . How are the roads going in
whatever direction? Do they have th e
sanders out? Yes, the sanders were out .
They were following the plows . Abandoned
cars are salt and peppered from here t o
Bumford and back . Is the gorge still open ?
Ye s ( that hasn't filled up with snow yet . No ,
it's not exactly open — it's open if you've go t
a buck and a half toll . A dreamy youn g
waitress lifted her gaze up to where she' d
like to be skiing and sparking like craz y
instead of serving Sunday brunch to th e
technicolor church people .
The selenoid went on the blink again so we
had to push out of the parking lot like we ha d
a bobsled instead of a Volkswagen van . The
plows and sanders were going too slow so w e
went around them . The snow had let up
some and I was making note of it when I
remembered the clouds which had hun g
dramatic and portentous over the custom' s
stop . I asked Fred how to spell portentous . I
was printing it in my notebook as th e
Greyhound bus went by us as if we wer e
standing still . Before he turned into the bend
he passed the car in front of us . Then his
brake lights went on . It looked like he was
trying to get in behind the flat-bed tractor trailer for for some reason . He might have
been able to on dry pavement but we wer e
on icy packed snow . The bus driver must
have thought that there wasn't enough roo m
for bus and semi to go abreast between th e
stalled car on the left side of the bridge an d
the tow truck that had come to get it on th e
other side . But there was no time fo r
thinking — what with the Columbia Gorg e
on one side of the snow bank and th e
mountain on the other side. Brake lights
ticked on all over the place — physical ligh t
manifestation of all the psychic traumata .
Some blared, some flashed at incredibl e
rates, shedding light on the separate expressions of terror or fear that could b e
correlated with the angle of hair bristling off
the neck inside of the vehicles .
Because the bus had started swaying an d
nearly hit the front end of the flat-bed
tractor-trailer but the flat-bed (with only a
mound of log chains riding in the centre )
had gotten so far over to the right by that
time that he was about to run into the bac k
end of the tow truck . The bus was going 4 5
degrees off kilter . It was sweeping two lane s
of highway : It swept that tow truck up the
snow bank over the hidden and insignifican t
guard rail . The bus didn't have to hit the to w
truck because the tow truck driver wa s
departing the scene under his own powe r
anyway, heading for the drink . It looks all
wrong to see a Greyhound bus goin g
sideways on a road . The flat-bed drive r
freaked a little . He started swaying too .
Fred was trying to stop . I was relating th e
scene before our window because I had to be
doing something . I had no pedals to
manipulate, I had no wheel to hold on to . Al l
I could think of was that thin pane of glass ,
above the thinner sheet of tin and all tha t
tonnage out of control in slow motion . We
were going to hit something . I had measured
angles and distances and the odds were that
we were going to hit something big . If w e
chanced not to hit something big then th e
odds were we would hit something stopped .
Just then the brake lights shifted . The ones
pumping their brakes up and down starte d
blaring and the blaring ones started pumping up and down . At this point I bailed out
of the front seat and landed on the mattress
THEUBYSSEY
in the back . The last I saw we were headin,
for the tow truck, balanced half way into t h
gorge . If we hit I would be heading bac ,
over the front seat out the window . I go
behind Fred's seat and held on for impac t
I'm sorry to have to relate that I waited fo
some of the impact that was meant for me t ,
be taken up in Fred's crushing body . (Late
Fred told me that at this point he was tryin g
to remember where his hatchet was becaus ,
if he got out of this gig alive he was going t ,
waste the bus driver .) Impact : loud but rr
much force . Fred was able to slow us dow i
to 10 m .p .h . and we hit the rear of the car it
front of us . Remember him? He was going it
our same direction and Fred had manage(
to hit him square . The collision boosted a m
straightened him out and he was thankf u
for that, because that boost saved him fro n
hitting into the rear of the tow truck, whic l
would have boosted it off its perch and se n
it into the gorge. He was so delightedni
never even came back to collect damage s
We never saw him again . But we stoppe (
and stood in the road bitching with the to w
truck driver whose eyes looked like ba .
bearings . We could have been thre(
primitives who had just been chased out o f
cave by flying rats . We watched a:
everybody straightened out, lined up, the '
disappeared over a hill .
In the van again !
The third thing happened . . . I was stil t
cool . . . I wanted to go to fucking Houston
Nothing else . I was invulnerable . Th (
catastrophe had spent itself harmlessly it
the road .
Snow childre n
I had great difficulties with the galacti
visitor over this . Should I not have remain e
in my seat to exude solidarity and co l
fidence in the driver? No I should not . Ti
n
metallic snow would have erased me int o
streak of red after I'd been slashed by tit
window . Should I at least not have sat long(
and taken on more of the charge? I ha
enough . Did I split at the last possible it
stant? No. I didn't want Fred to think I w a
on a kamikazi mission . I figured he wo : . '
expect me to act to save myself because flu
was what he was doing .
I cannot convince the galactic visitor th(
I wasn't freaking . I was merely coverin
this accident as a journalistic even
describing everything I was seeing befo r
my eyes . Of course I was talking in a
urgent voice ; these were urgent time ;
Sideways cans of people, a workman pe :
ched on the edge of destruction .
Fred had charged up so much ener g
from the accident he was able to levita t
himself all the way to Houston, Texas fro )
Bumford, Ore . I put him into a planes. ;
Bumford after a fair commotion at ti
airport bar . I hung his bag of tape recorde r
and tapes on ope shoulder, his bags of fib
and notebooks on the other shoulder aloe
with the Nikkon and zoom . He had to get til t
story because he just spent his $200 experts
money from the paper by French-kissing
(Fred says) chartreuse, Pontiac (I new(
saw the thing) in the ass end . I told him I
keep the bread for hassle, but no . He sj1
he went back to Vancouver he'd lay two biI
on the editor's desk plus he'd have no sto r
Friday, November 30, 1973
r
to flog . Last words : "Get that interview wit h
Kesey . Don't take `no' for an answer . "
I was watching from the bar window as h e
lifted himself up into the air and disappeared, across the sky . I was fairly stumpiing from side to side when I headed out to
the van after closing time . The beer doesn't
aste as good as Canadian but it is able to ge t
3ou as fucked-up if you drink enough of it '
which I had evidently done. I didn't bother to
:est the starter .
Awakened by the drumming rain . There
was no snow in Bumford . I couldn't get the
Ian started until the parking lot attendan t
:ame to work . He looked surprised when I
ipped him $2 for helping me . I almost ran
nut of gas . I had to put a weight on the ac:elerator while I called to find that I woul d
seed chains to get over the pass but there
would be some available at the foot of th e
)ass for $40 . No . I wasn't heading south. I
was not going to the greatest event in th e
tistory of mankind at Houston . I was going
forth . Oh! North . Well there's only sleet o n
he north pass you don't need chains for
Jet .
Ken Kesey's number was in the phone
rook . I plotted as I dialed . I'll tell Kesey w e
lave common backgrounds in that we hav e
roth had to deal with academic institutions
n the area of creative writing . I have drive n
Sown from Vancouver to discuss this an d
)ther matters with him . He thought I wanted
'Am to sell my novel for me . I denied .
I'm not your man .
Well excuse me, I've read your stuff and I
think you are precisely the one . . .
We're working on the magazine and don' t
"ant to be bothered.
'I was going to go to the greatest event i n
he history of mankind and report back
)ut . . .
The millenium? OK, he finally said . And
he directions came so fast I got the imression he was hoping I wouldn't be able to
allow them ; but I had the notebook out jus t
n case : go to the liquor store, buy a pint o f
!anadian Club, and etc . etc . etc . I had to
-isk getting the van stolen because I couldn' t
urn it off, nabbed a quart of Canadian Club
ld drove right to the star on the barn .
I had to shut the van off . I thought : I won' t
be able to stay as long as I want because I'l l
have to ask him to push me out of his yar d
after the interview . So I couldn't do what I
did at Berryman's house . John Berryman
finally kicked me out of his house when I
asked the last question I could think of ,
"What is the meaning of life? "
A woman met me at the door and the onl y
thing.that would come out of my mouth was :
"I was supposed to be here ." I hadn' t
planned on anything . I was incapable of
running anything . "I was supposed to be
here." Kesey had his green editor' s
eyeshade turned backward on his head .
Me : "They didn't have any pints . "
Him : "No pints of CC?" as if this woul d
have been the first time that ever happened .
Me : "I didn't see any pints . "
We had to go pick up Babbs in Fred's van .
[ was sweating it ; but it started. I drove
angled roads mouthing off about the ac Aright, the rain splashing up onto the brake
;hoes so I have to burn the water off them b y
'riction before they will think about stopping
Friday, November 30, 1973
the vehicle. "Then why don't you slo w
down? "
We picked up Babbs. I kept the van running .
Kesey : "You ever been in prison? "
Me : "No, they locked me up for a week
when I was a kid but no hard time. "
He asked this because there was a "n o
smoking" sign above the windshield . I wa s
smoking . He thought I had made a law jus t
' so I could break it . But it was Fred's law an d
I broke it because Fred wasn't there to
enforce it . We talked about the blizzard
which had hunted me down and chased me
.out of the mountains to the coast. We talked
about the lunatics on the highway . "Then if
you don't have brakes go slow . "
I had to turn the van off again . Babbs took
me upstairs in the barn and showed me the
production area where the rain was dripping
onto the drafting tables . There were puddles
all over the floor . There was no sense
bothering to shift things around because th e
leaks themselves shift around. You could
move something to a place where it will b e
leaked on next ; whereas if you leave it
where it is there is a chance it could stay
dry .
Babbs looked like he was used to the leaks .
Ah, yes here is another pile of my work
destroyed . So what? The hayloft was set u p
to be a combination wrestling rink and
theatre.
When we got downstairs Kesey wa s
wandering about the room . He said : "No
matter how many locks you put on the doo r
you can't keep the rain out." Everybody
thought that was a wise saying . I correlated
the rain with a semi-permeable membran e
which imprisons the spirit as surely as th e
locks imprison the flesh and only the spiri t
can transcend and wander . Everybody
worked on the magazine Kesey, Babbs ,
Faye . We sat at a large round table .
They were working — learning as they g o
— on the first issue of Spit in the Ocean .
Theme : "Old in the Streets", anything to do
with old age. They passed things to me :
articles, photos of some of the most
beautiful faces I have ever seen, poems, a
letter from Timothy Leary who will edit th e
next issue dealing with the growth of consciousness. The second issue will come out
of prison . In the letter Leary said that the
back-to-the-land freaks were hiding out ,
removing themselves as a political force .
But on Kesey's farm much work was bein g
done to spring this scholar who experiment s
with himself . I've known plenty of people
who hide in the city .
I went outside to smoke and pace up and
down the driveway . It was, of course, still
raining . I wanted to think of questions . I
didn't want to interrupt the work. I pace d
and two sows squealed and caught up to me .
They were sticking their snouts through the
fence to sniff me. I went over and squatted
next to the fence and let them sniff . Felt
their snouts . Asked them : Should I ask you r
master if he still believes a person is eithe r
on or off the bus? There was grunting. They
rooted for me . Should I try to find out if hi s
statement in Sometimes a Great Notion ,
"never give an inch" is still a viabl e
hypothesis at his age? One of the sow s
turned her ass to me then rubbed her
starboard quarter up and down on the fence
post . I decided not to interrupt but just to si t
and watch . The dog dropped a stone near m e
and looked from me to it, to me, to it . I thre w
it around for a while then went back to the
barn satisfied with the interspecies communication at least.
Kesey wanted a Bloody Mary but the
closest he could get to it was gin, V-8, the
drainings . of a can of kippered herring,
pepper, and tabasco . I asked for a taste and
it was . . . great! The parrot never spoke . I
saw down and mixed another CC and dietPepsi. Kesey showed me more of the galle y
proofs of his magazine . A drop fell from my
hair onto the proof but he didn't notice ,
lucky for me . There will be no ads in the
magazine, just beautiful old people and
heavy duty copy — lucky for anyone who
reads it.
It was time for me to go. I had managed to
hang around for three or four hours . I got
finessed out of my half bottle of Canadian
Club but I was surprised there was any left .
The finesse went like this :
"Hey Babbs, did you hear about the new
open bottle law? You can't have an open
bottle anywhere in the car. "
Babbs : "Stiffer fine than getting caught
with dope, I hear . Something like $400 .
They had one of those laws in Minnesota ,
too . That's why we would always go
drinking in a van or station wagon because
the whole back qualifies as a trunk .
M illenium comes
The only two tithes the van ever starte d
were the two times at Kesey's . I timed m y
departure to be just before they were goin g
to eat so nobody would want to push me
down the driveway until after dinner. B y
that time the bottle would be gone and we' d
all be loaded and the social dances would
have been forgotten about or . somehow
nullified or completed . And I could get to
some questions . Rats! The van started right
up . I had to go . I bought a six-pack and drove
as far as I could . Pulled off at a rest area ,
backed in to get a downhill run in th e
morning so I wouldn't have to push it by
myself. But when I went to sleep I left the
lights on . I discovered that the next morning . I couldn't get it moving fast enough t o
start it. Had to wake up a trucker who ha d
his hand wrapped in a bloody handkerchief.
We couldn't get it going . A carny with no
teeth but a heart the size of a starter moto r
pushed me with his pickup truck but drove
away before I could lay the fin on him .
I got moving again and didn't stop unti l
customs, which was two more snowstorm s
away . I was going to stop in Blaine and drink
Irish coffee and take notes until I fell off m y
stool but, one : it was snowing so hard I ha d
to keep moving . Two : I had lost m y
notebook with all my notes of the trip . I don' t
know where . My discussion with Kesey' s
pigs was obliterated from the face of th e
earth . My final question to Ken Kesey deal t
with the degree to which form is prior to
content . He came down on the side of form
and structure being prior to, not coincidental with : whatever content can be
exerted by any persons, any statistica l
probability of DNA . I was surprised at this .
It is impossible to express content withou t
expressing it in some form . Each person s
being different in their psycho-physical an d
environmental make-up means each person's form will be different from any
other's . Content can be clearly and completely expressed without saddling onesel f
with a prior structure . Especially a structure some other person evolves in som e
other time . Isn't it rather : the student
rejecting form strikes out with all hi s
spontaneity for substance, then, onc e
grounded on substance discovers the convenience of form, then as the mature artist
has the
' ••• '~'
Send $1 for the first issue *
(or $5 for the first seven issues )
of
SPIT IN THE OCEAN
to : SITO
Rt. 8 Box 47 7
Pleasant Hill, Oregon '9740 1
*With Krassner, Kesey, Quarnstrom, Berry ,
Novak, Babbs, Crow Dog, St . James & mor e
THEUBYSSEY
find's his total spontaneity released in the
security of formal manipulation? Tha t
notebook is gone . So I won't even be able to
name the colours on the technicolor parrot
that perched near Kesey's table .
Kesey is examining tradition, ol d
people . So that's what a millenium shoul d
first do . Investigate : why the need for a
millenium? Find the cause of the malady in
these beautiful faces who have sold them selves and spent the land for security . The
youth investigates . Move number one . Move
number two? Spring Timothy Leary . The
great scholar has been hidden away for hi s
investigations . From out of his prison h e
writes about his vision, tapping sources
within himself for the joyous cosmology .
It looks like they all act from sound instincts. Such a pattern. No matter how muc h
we push the millenium concept it seems t o
be making sense . This is a vocal house, a
mouthpiece for the counter-millenium .
Possible incantation :
Son of Socrates
Our Scholar
or, Socrates incarnate ,
permeate these walls .
Merry Prankster turned worker . Legit .
Examine the old examine the prison .
Exhume the folk hero .
Imprisonment is the malady of the
secluded old who want to localize th e
creative catalysis with their cancer phobia .
Take those who have violated a moral taboo ,
slice them out of humanity, lode tlgem awa y
on par with a carcenogen .
There is a movement afoot to sprin g
Leary because the youth see in him a ma n
who has maintained his own youth throug h
intellectual freedom and self experimentation but the structure says no.
Socrates was asked to save his life and not
do the poison if he would be banished . His
response : why would you wish me on
another culture, give me the poison . Leary
was more than happy to leave .
During Socrates' time they were lenient
enough to let him go ; now the society had
tightened itself up so much in its insecurit y
that it had to pull back the man who left .
Here, they are so barbaric that they con spire against a man who left . Socrates '
government was gracious enough to let hi m
go and confident enough . to kill him if he
stayed. Here they will neither let him go no r
kill him .
The generation who had come to
legislative atom breaking, moon travel
prominence by experimentation wit h
matter ; subdue and spent and conquer th e
world of matter, versus the youth who ha d
taken the self as subject matter for experimentation . Why should the old lose such
a sense of historical progression? Wh y
shouldn't they see the subject-self as an
inevitable natural continuation? Youth shal
l
experiment with itself .
If youth is exploratory like the father wh y
should the father stop it? Because hi s
system held that the arbitrarily establishe d
structure could be used as a vehicle fo r
substance . The security conscious will cling
to the established order of things .
Creativity is repressed, the sword ha s
power over the pen . If writers band togethe r
and uphold Leary's work must not even
Nixon pass ?
The act of bringing the heathen prophet is
irreligious . The motive is economic for the
people of Houston, irreligious again . People
loaded on booze, nicotine and electric fondu e
pots who go to drug stores instead of greas y
spoons - have a pharmacist like a pries t
intervening between them and peace of
mind . This legit dope peddlar is a respected
member of any country club and has polic e
protection on top of it . People who hir e
specialists to drug thembecause they won' t
cure themselves as Socrates demanded
have stuffed the brown rice and acid fredk ,
Leary, behind bars ; where the outla w
philosophy Which is not a drug? Whic h
drug does not addict ?
The structure malady : the critic come s
between the creative artist and the publi c
for his own maintainance ; the priest comes
between man and god for his own maintainance ; teachers pose themselves• between the student and wisdom for their own
maintainance ; all self appointed holy
ghosts . Agents . The devil quoting scripture s
for maintainance, insurance, and security .
Get your subscription to the counte r
millenium! "Spit in the ocean!" The spiri t
of the teacher will be emergingfrom those
semi-permeable bars . Cast off insurance
premiums for counter-millenium magazine
prescriptions .
Watch the drama unfold.
Page Friday, 7
Books
Unconscious recognitio n
There is No Such Place as America by Peter Bichsel. A
Seymour Lawrence Book : Delacorte Press, New York .
Hardocver $4 .95 .
With his first collection of highly original an d
sparklingly fresh short stories, And Really Frau Blu m
Would Very Much Like to Meet the Milkman, th e
brilliant young Swiss writer Peter Bichsel won th e
coveted Gruppe 47 prize and found himself in th e
distinguished company of Hans Magnus Enzensberger ,
Gunter Grass, Peter Weiss, and Peter Handke who ha d
been previously awarded this prestigious literary prize .
Now comes Bichsel's second collection of short storie s
There is no Such Place as America, and it unmistakenl y
establishes him as one of the leading Europea n
talespinners .
Peter Bichsel is an unusual writer . He writes abou t
simple things, ordinary men, everyday occurrences —
and his stories slowly turn into a sad and profoun d
commentary on the alienation and loneliness of moder n
man . His methods are unadorned ; his language stern ,
straight, and clean ; there is not a single extravagan t
incident in his evocative tales . Yet they slowly turn into
modern fables, wise and subversive . His stories tell u s
about things we do and do not do ; things we know and try
not to know ; things we dream of or dare not dream ; an d
slowly these tender tales turn into reflections on death ,
departure, and insanity .
Bichsel writes prose like a poet . His first book of
stories reminded one of Turgeniev's prose-poems o r
Tagore's Lipika, but more naked, more helpless, mor e
tender, and startling funny .
That was his first book .
His new book is more concerned with people who are
victims of modern life — people who are small, tired an d
old, the men massacred by the memory, the men who
didn't want to know any more, the inventors whose inventions happen to he invented already — years before .
In these stories no one is really satisfied with the wa y
things really are . His world is inexorably the same . It i s
a world where nothing happens — no discovery, n o
surprise, and no change . Even the words are alway s
depressingly the same . That is why an old man with
"dry and wrinkled thin neck, whose white shirt collars
are far too wide for him" finally gives up talking . That is
why Uncle Jodok sends his love and replaces everythin g
with "Jodokism" . Even the small boy who inspired
Amerigo Vespucci to set out for the new world is neve r
quite sure if there is "any such place as America" . Her e
the earth is always round, and a table is a table is a
table, and all the escape routes are blocked . Or, perhaps ,
to get out of this world, one should start a journey, inwardbound and schizophrenic .
Yet this world of Bichsel is hauntingly funny, an d
moments of comic triumph are blended with genuin e
despair . The gurgling of his dry bitter laughter rever berates in our heads long after the fables are finished .
Manabendra Bandyopadhya y
Mirro r imag e
The Carbon Copy by Anthony Brenna n
McClelland & Stewart 7 .95 .
Anthony Brennan is a university teacher of Englis h
literature at St. Thomas University .
This novel is advertised as a thriller . Its protagonis t
Harry Carbon, suffers from amnesia .
While he is searching for cues concerning his identit y
and his past, he comes across symbolic settings an d
archetypal situations . In daliesk underworlds he encounters rituals of sex and violence . When Harry Carbon
surfaces to more conventional levels of reality, he is told
that he is a hunted terrorist leader — a political hero o f
the oppressed masses . Because he can't quite take th e
news, his odyssey continues . He meets a hunter wh o
lives a humble pastoral life . He lands in a secluded
academy on top of a mountain . He goes through an orgy
and comes into contact with innocence when he make s
friends with a little boy . Right up to the "suspens e
relieving" last Chapter, Harry Carbon fails to find hi s
identity ; but he has learned a lot about society . When he
ends up in his room again, he doubts whether "the
society outside these walls is peaceful, democratic ,
stable ." He is not sure anymore that there is "no
tyranny and oppression, no poverty and injustice . "
At the beginning of his journey, Harry Carbon gets los t
in a desert from which he eventually emerges lik e
Lazarus from the dead . The reader being half as lucky ,
is left behind in the quicksand of learned allusions an d
academically contrived imagery . Although the Carbo n
Copy is not meant to be a carbon copy of the author' s
lecture notes, it is filled with literary knowledge and
wisdom of the past . But fictional elements like plot and
character-development are difficult to replace wit h
structural techniques and domineering patterns of
images .
Brennan still dares to see people in the context o f
society and in the framework of politics . He bring s
enough sense and social insight to the reader's mind t o
be called responsible and promising . His generalizations
are not only justified and valuable, they are deepl y
human and necessary . An activist girl is asked by th e
hero of the novel : "Haven't you ever wanted to get away
from this country and its misery?" Her reply is typica l
of Anthony Brennan's social comments : "Never sinc e
my father told me that all the richer countries wer e
forbidden fruit . They have contrived to forget that they
are living off our backs already . How could I live there .
unless I were to loose my memory? I know who gives th e
government arms to oppress us . I know whose in vestment creams off all the wealth of our country . Am I
to go there to cheer them on, commit myself to a
luxuriously-appointed lunatic asylum?" The tone of
accusation in this passage is intended, as Brennan show s
himself in a comment about his first novel :
"The book is designed as an assault on the complacent
assumptions of western democracies that they are
immune from the savage chaos of the world "out there "
— outside our comfortable asylum . . . Being locked in a
windowless cell is a fate that can befall societies as wel l
as individuals ." Reading this, it becomes clear that he
must have decided to write The Carbon Copy while h e
was at UBC .
Paul Sterch i
.32M 1 t(atClP aSI .EgiXSSttreUMlPMMEtigI9cMECIMMEAMclNixSIUMtsK S 1altRftetCIAetOM tlCEfX'QAKlSIESOK SiKYSX' ckUTSE 'YIP LilintSIMCNIM1IPAYIP KEIZE331iWat
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GET IT ALL TOGETHER
THISS CHRISTMA S
THI
3
at the bookstore
•
do it yourself CRAFT KITS
candles, glass staining, fun film, etc .
•
jigsaw puzzles and adult game s
playing cards, cribbage boards, etc .
•
stoneware coffee mugs, tea sets ,
ashtrays, casseroles
•
crested souvenir mugs, steins, bookends ,
plaque s
•
sweatshirts, T-shirts, jacket s
•
•
replica argylite totem poles an d
Thorn woodcarving s
books — books — books for the whol e
family . . . arts, antiques, hobbys, crafts ,
sports, gardening
•
stocking stuffers, cards, giftwra p
Best Wishes for a Happy Holiday Seaso n
From The Management and Staff of
L,
eu1N
m
Page Friday, 8
,Nw
,Na>Nac1
5u1
THE UBYSSEY
THE BOOKSTOR E
1Nac,ums,
ant
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t
Friday, November 30, 1973
Books
Nasty brutish myt h
Sasquatch, by Don Hunter with Ren e
Dahinden . McClelland and Stewart ,
Hardcover, $7 .95 .
In 1924 while prospecting at the head o f
Toba Inlet a logger by the name of Alber t
Ostman was captured by a Sasquatch . He
was carried on the beast's back to a
secluded valley where a family of four o f
them lived . Ostman stayed for a wee k
before managing to escape and concluded that he was to be used for stud
purposes .
That is probably the most dramatic in
an exhausting series of Sasquatch stories
lightly glued together with a little scienc e
and a lot of zeal . Sasquatch, written b y
local Province reporter Don Hunter ,
makes what seems to be a sincere at tempt to catalogue all known data abou t
this curious phenomenon .
Hunter makes a fairly goo d
dispassionate case based on extensive
research for the existence of the muchmaligned Sasquatch . But he does i t
through an irritating mixture of sensationalism and pseudoscientific doub t
that weakens his case.
Hunter does manage to be convincin g
nonetheless, if only through a presentation of the documented evidence . The
evidence consists of hundreds of plaste r
casts of footprint. , numerous sightings ,
several poor-quality films and th e
respectful legends of native peoples o f
the continental northwest .
The Sasquatch seems to be some kin d
of Neanderthal relic left over from a
bygone age . It is usually described a s
having a large powerful physique and a
thick coat of dark hair .
They live in the USSR as well wher e
their traces are studied by scientists an d
where the phenomenon is take n
seriously . A famous Russian case con-
cerns the capture of a young female nea r
the Black Sea town of Ochamchire in th e
late 19th century . She became the
property of a wealthy landowner, wa s
famed for her strength and fleetness o f
foot, and bore numerous children by a
variety of human fathers . Descendents of
these offspring exist and are noted fo r
their strength, dark skin and the extensive range of their voices .
Hunter does point out that with th e
wealth of evidence available it i s
remarkable that so little interest ha s
been taken in the Sasquatch by th e
scientific community . This is due in par t
however to the results achieved by th e
profession of which Hunter himself is a
member . Sasquatch stores are exploited
to the extent that they occupy a sizeabl e
chunk of the ha-ha lore of B .C .
around .
EdCepk a
Movies
The machine as turke y
As author of The Andromeda Strain and The Termina l
Man Michael Crichton gained a reputation as a writer o f
realistic fast-paced, not to mention commerciall y
successful, science fiction .
Wunderkind Chrichton has now branched out into
writing screenplays for well-packaged escapist flick s
and obviously hopes to repeat his writing success .
His latest offering, Westworld, will probably pack
them in, though not from its great quality, but because
any well-advertised film that looks like a violent wester n
and plays at the Orpheum automatically draws hug e
crowds .
Westworld is actually a neat idea combined wit h
nonexistent acting, a silly directionless plot and mor e
loose ends than a plate of spaghetti .
The neat idea is this resort where robots are used t o
recreate one of three near-mystical environments : a
Roman villa-city state complex, a feudal castle and o f
course the riproaring old west — Westworld . The robot s
provide the cannon fodder for every little or big boy' s
dreams of shooting, slashing and beating the hell out o f
his fellow man . Oh, yes there are also women robots i n
this flick . They serve as prostitutes (natch) .
In theory this should be a good movie . Here we hav e
every man's dream — free sex, free violence, fre e
murder, free glory, free power, free fame (free in th e
sense of no responsibility, as Westworld costs $1,000 a
day) .
Surely, you say, there must be a moral here . After al l
things can't be that good .
Crichton does seem to vaguely perceive that this sort
of thing can't be permitted to go on, but instead of
examining the psychological implications of all th e
brouhaha, he takes the easy way out .
Westworld breaks down . Yep the robots just start
misbehaving and, like you've seen in god knows ho w
many movies, turn on their creators (and patrons) .
O.K . This is an escapist flick . The excitement must be
unbearable right ?
Nope . Everyone immediately gets killed in the ol d
suddenly-everyone-wasrun-over-by-a-truck plot, leavin g
only poor pathetic Richard Benjamin facing super robot ,
Yul Brynner.
The mechanical Brynner is nearly indestructible . ,
which should make for an exciting chase as Benjami n
tries to hold him off with acid and then fire, but someho w
it just doesn't come off .
Brynner finally clanks to a tedious halt and sputter s
and smokes his way into the credits while Benjami n
stares blankly at the off-stage cue cards, and one o f
those disembodied voice overs says "Welcome t o
Westworld, have we got a vacation for you," just like i t
did at the beginning .
In between all this rubbish are gaping holes big enoug h
to accommodate the entire plots to Lawrence of Arabia ,
War and Peace and a good-sized Faulkner novel .
To begin with, Crichton has the annoying habit o f
throwing in political sub-plots and then ignoring them .
Remember how in the Andromeda Strain there was al l
that liberal bullshit about how the government was involved in germ warfare which was convenientl y
discarded when the novel slogged around to the fina l
climax .
In Westworld there are vague hints, never carrie d
through, that the real reason for the resort's problem s
are overt dependence on technology and increasin g
alienation from reality . But nothing, much develop s
along these lines .
Worse, Chrichton, usually noted for his cogent
scientific explanations offers a ridiculous reason as t o
why everything suddenly goes berserk at the resort.
We are told at one point that a disease is infesting th e
machinery . What disease? How does it work? Who o r
what caused it? What can be done? Huh ?
None of those questions are answered and what coul d
have been an interesting sub plot is abandoned in favo r
of a quick cut of robot intercourse (??????) .
Friday, November 30, 1973
With the advent of miraculous acapuncture, the patient feels no pain .
Another interesting diversion is the efforts of the
excitement for tough he men like some of those visi t
Westworld, since there should always be some elemen t
technicians who run the robots to stop the berser k
machines once the "disease" takes over .
of danger to provide excitement .
Finally what about sex? (Well, what about it? )
But at one point Chrichton obviously becomes bore d
Crichton wants to show us how liberated a writer he is by
with the whole thing and writes them out of the movie a s
having guests bedding robots? But surely there ar e
the camera cuts away with 17 minutes of oxygen left ,
problems . If these people can calmly (well, relatively
never to return .
calmly anyway) make passionate love to machiner y
There are other unanswered questions ; like how doe s
then they must be so alienated and technology-craze d
the resort keep the guests from shooting each other with
that they can't distinguish between machine and huma n
the "real" guns they carry around . We are told it i s
anyway . In which case at least some of them should hav e
because each gun has a heat sensing device and thu s
some hang ups about shooting the oil brothers or sister s
won't fire when aimed at anything with a body temof something they shacked up with only the night before .
perature, i .e . people .
If not, then at least some of them should be reduced to
But what about richochets, which as every goo d
total impotence for at least a month after screwing Mr .
Western fan knows kill about 95 per cent of the villains i n
or Ms . IBM or Honeywell or whoever .
B type movies ?
There Crichton! See how interesting Westworld coul d
Also, are the robots programmed to always dra w
have been? See how gripping, exciting, complicated ,
slower than the guests or could they kill someone who
relevant, involved, intelligent, and downright endropped his gun while drawing it, or alternatively, ha d
tertaining it could have been ?
run out of bullets? If they -couldn't then where is the
You asshole !
TH E U B YSSEY
Page Friday, 9
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Th e
WEEKEND SPECIAL No . 2
Friday (Nov . 30 )
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Photo Blowup s
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CAMPUS COMMUNITY INVITE D
The UBC Alumni Chronicle is sponsoring a new competitio n
to provide recognition of creative writing by UBC students .
Prizes have been donated by the UBC Alumni fund and are
quite generous . First prize is $175 . Second $125 . Third $75 .
The contest is restricted to full-time, registered students o f
UBC in any faculty .
Entries are to be a piece of creative writing" to a
maximum of 3,500 words and must be typed on one side of a
page, double-spaced and preciously unpublished .
The work may be in any genre : short fiction, drama o r
poetry . More than one item, as in the case of poetry, may be
combined in a single entry, but it is left to the judge' s
discretion whether the entry will be considered in whole or i n
part .
The deadline is January 31, 1974 . Entries must be received
at the Alumni Office, Cecil Green Park, UBC by this date .
Judging, by a panel of writers and critics, including George
lowering, and Roy Daniells, will be in February . Winners will
be announced in mid-March .
Entries should be clearly identified with the author's name ,
address and student number . A duplicate should be kept as th e
Alumni Association assumes no responsibility for submitte d
manuscripts, but will endeavor to return all those accompanied by a self-addressed envelope .
As an added bonus the winning entries will be published i n
the Alumni Chronicle . With nearly 60,000 readers consider thi s
a best seller .
For further information contact the Alumni Office, Ceci l
Green Park, 228-3313 .
PAGE FRIDAY is putting together a gala CAMPU S
LITERATURE theme issue in January and they need you r
immortal di-versification and short prosaic improbabilitie s
NOW (like before the end of this term and exams — sa y
December 15th) . Hence all students (that means you) ar e
urged to drop in their biodegradeable goodies at the P .F . des k
in our office (ask SUB 241 n K upstairs) SOON . Please hurr y
people Shorter poems and even shorter short fiction writer s
preferred . YOUR LAST CHANCE TO REALLY SUFFER BIG .
Merry Christma s
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Page Friday, 10
VANCOUVER
THE
UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30, 1973
Movies
Hot
L.
The Hot L Baltimore
by Lanford Wilso n
directed by Bill Millerd
at the Arts Clu b
Clever playwrights know how to kee p
an audience's attention . The basi c
technique is give them what they want.
Lots of swear words, lots of flash and a s
much sex as possible . The formula ca n
also be used by clever directors . Wilson
and Millerd are undeniably clever . It is
evidenced by their manipulation of th e
formula . However, they are not all that
clever, and cleverness alone cannot
compensate for serious faults in th e
script and production .
The hotl was a hotel, but time has take n
its toll of the Baltimore . Redg Reynold' s
set does not delineate sharply betwee n
illusion and reality . The audience walk s
into the set : Bill, the hotel clerk, is
listening to a radio. Its music is piped
through a loudspeaker, permeating th e
room . Paul is sprawled out on a couch ,
oblivous to the world.
Unfortunately the set does not recreat e
the appropriate scene . Atmosphere is
generated, but the "noble sweepin g
marble staircase" is sadly missing . The
limitations of the Arts Club theatre is not
suited to such a set, but the lost grandeur ,
the past elegance of the hotel should not
have been compromised .
Wilson presents a slice of life . The pla y
is a day in the life of 15 lives . Act one
.
.
a near sue s s
begins at seven in the morning . Bill is
just getting off his midnight shift, and th e
hookers are preparing for bed — to ge t
some sleep . Act two is the quiet afternoon, filled by aged, lonely pensioners . Then in act three the hookers
emerge once again, the hotel is alive .
The cyclic use of time provides Wilso n
with the necessary vehicle he needs to
introduce, display and then rid the stage
of his characters . The people come an d
go on shift — literally . Such a technique
does wonders for tempo and pacing, an d
Millerd handles the situation with verv e
and style . However, as the zoo generates
atmosphere (the life breath of the hotel) ,
it also undermines character and pathos .
There is an excessive wealth o f
characters . Some are developed to a
degree, others to a lesser degree, and the
rest virtually ignored. Perhaps we are
meant to see the characters as they see
themselves ; elusive and secretive .
People do live in hotels (as anywhere
else) without ever knowing the person
next door . Yet on stage, flesh and blood
people make drama, not shadows .
Millerd does not help the situation any .
Many of the characters are badly
miscast, which makes it even mor e
difficult to identify with them .
Mr . Morse is a contentious old man of
70, and although Wally McSween trie s
valiantly, he is no where near looking the
part ., Mr . Katz is the hotel manager, a
spidery wrinkled old Jew who lives
behind the woodwork . Unfortunatel y
Millerd's choice, David Stein, a vibrant
vigorous young man, does not suit th e
role . Susan Wright plays Girl, the centra l
character . Girl is a 19 year old prostitute ,
someone who has come from the schoo l
of hard knocks . Wright is a fine actress ,
but she looks fresh and innocent enough
to model Daisy bras .
Another difficulty is Girl's character .
She is caring, very perceptive an d
self-aware and . . . it's just too much .
The prostitute with a heart of gold is
acceptable on occasion, but Girl does no t
convince us why or how she leads the lif e
she does .
Jackie (Lani Reynolds) gives a fin e
performance as an aggressive hardene d
teenage girl . She and her brother Jamie
dream of owning a farm . When sh e
pleads with Katz for a loan, she is a
determined self-sufficient honourabl e
figure, who has always stood on her own
two feet and fended for her brother .
Wilson complicates matters by makin g
her into a thief . It does not fit . For two
acts, Jackie is devoted to Jamie . She
leaves him in the third . No explanation s
are given, nor is it accountable by th e
information we have . Such sloppiness i s
characteristic of this uneven play .
April (Janet Wright) is a garrulous ,
hard-nosed, hard-boiled hooker ,
possessing formidable wit and ass .
Wright is dynamite . The stage actuall y
strains to contain this dynamic, ex -
plosive character. Compared to her, the
shadows pale into ghosts . All the best
lines are given to her . April ravishes u s
and when the ordeal is over, we arelimp .
This unbalance has drastic effects when
she leaves the stage during the secon d
act .
The uneveness is apparent in structur e
as well . Act one is a raging, roaring
torrent of emotion and activity .
However Wilson focuses almost all of th e
second act to one character, Millie . I n
reminiscing about her youth, Milli e
becomes a `real' character, but it doe s
not serve any dramatic purpose .
The essense of hotel life is its variety ,
and the second act destroys the
movement of the first .
The focus of the play should be, and i s
at most times, the hotel and life in the
hotel . The Hot L Baltimore is a
Chechovian piece in the sense tha t
everything (and that means everything )
happens off stage . But not away from th e
hotel . The action moves upstairs . Unfortunately Wilson sees fit to expand his
horizons, to the detriment of the play .
Suzie apparently had a long involvement
with a pimp, and she returns to him in th e
third act . But no mention of this is mad e
beforehand . Wilson arbitrarily assigns
conditions to his characters with little or
no foundation, and the eventual effect i s
to heighten the unreality of what could b e
a very real play .
Steve Morris
Movies
Ephemeral but enticin g
Night Watch : directed by Brian Hutton, starring
Elizabeth Taylor, Laurence Harvey and Billie Whitelaw .
Movies are, of course, big business, and all sorts o f
huge companies are getting involved in motion picture
production . For example Brut, a brand of men's aftershave (largely alcohol, scent and fancy package) ha s
gone into the film business, and judging by their new
products, they haven't changed their formula . Night
Watch, now showing at the Capitol theatre, has a ver y
fancy package ; Elizabeth Taylor makes it smell pretty ,
and the rest of it has about as much substance an d
staying power as rubbing alcohol .
But make no mistake : although this film is as slickl y
packaged as any Madison Avenue product, and despit e
all sorts of flaws, Night Watch is an entertaining an d
even vaguely intriguing movie .
The main problem with the film is the producers don' t
really understand the nature of suspense . This is not, a s
promised, "the darkest panic of the macabre", but a
series of cliched horror-movie tricks : lights in empty
houses, curious coincidence, a conspiracy to drive a
woman mad (with a subtle twist), long sequences o f
dark and stormy nights, lightning and banging shutters .
Other more terrifying films have used these devices, and
have thus created an emotional chain-reaction of expectations which carry over, in the mind of the audience,
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to this picture. This "borrowed" fear may help hold you r
interest, but it won't make you scream out loud .
There is one truly frightening passage (a standard ,
yes, but it's awfully well done) in which three people ar e
searching for each other in a deserted house ; one i s
ready to kill, but you don't know who it is . There are
creaking iron gates and water dripping from the
ceilings, and things that go bump in the night . It's grea t
stuff, but unfortunately, the search ends in a rathe r
gruesome cop-out : the director, being unable to hold th e
tension, settles for blood and gore .
Elizabeth Taylor alone is worth the price of admission .
Someone involved with the film was quoted by Rex Ree d
as saying that "it's the first time in years that she hasn' t
looked like a drag queen" . Well, there are still striking
similarities, but she also looks like a middle-age d
woman who isn't trying for thirty anymore, and that's a
nice change . Her part is the best thing about the script ,
and she plays it perfectly. The other characters ar e
wooden in comparison, both in conception and portrayal .
By the way, don't stop guessing until the last few
minutes . There's a surprise ending that really is a
surprise ; like better films in this genre, the underlying
morality is neither as conventional nor as puritanical a s
you might expect .
Gordon Montador
ASSOCIATED STORES :
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613 No . 3 Rd ., Richmond 278-503 1
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70
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540 W . BROADWAY
(Hlf Hock West of CarnHs)
THE UBYSSEY
PHONE : 879-543 5
for dppointment
1275 Seymour 683-261 0
i
Page Friday, 11
Sober stoned repor t
During the late sixties and early
seventies the public was inundated by a
flood of "drug literature ." More often
than not it came from sources as In formation Canada, provincial governments, and concerned — but misguide d
— parents' groups .
Notable about 'this literature wereltw o
things : in most cases, it did not come
from recognized authorities on th e
subject, and it usually made things wors e
than they already were .
During this period, several majo r
studies have also been done on the use o f
drugs for non-medical purposes . One
example is the LeDain inquiry, whic h
was appointed in 1969 by the Liberals . It s
recommendations, made in 1970 and i n
1972, were never followed because the y
were too radical . Similarly, Nixon appointed a committee to review th e
problem in America . When this group' s
findings did not fulfill the ad ministration's suspicions, it was conveniently ignored .
The latest work on the subject that wil
l
probably be ignored is Licit and Illicit
Drugs, by Edward M . Brecher and th e
editors of Consumer Reports .
This book differs from its predecessors in
that it is a compilation of information on
the subject of drug use and abuse that
was already available under severa l
different covers . As well, it discusses i n
detail the legal drugs used every day —
caffeine and nicotine in particular .
The book is organized into ten sections .
There is one section for every class o f
psychotropic (mood-altering) drug s
commonly used : narcotics (heroin, etc .) ,
caffeine, tobacco, alcohol and barbiturates, cocaine and amphetamines ,
inhalants, LSD, and marijuana . At the
end of the book is a section on drug abus e
among the young, and finally th e
authors' conclusions and recommendations on what policy should be
followed .
Each section is further divided into
chapters . These cover the history of the
drug, its social use, and what happene d
when the drug was outlawed (both coffee
and tobacco have been banned at variou s
times in various countries — can yo u
imagine stamping out the coffe e
menace?), as well as the physical ,
mental and social effects of its use .
Brecher and his associates avoid th e
trap that many researchers get fouled u p
in . Rather than carry on their own
research to confirm or refute their
preconceived notions about what the y
should find,'they rely completely on the
findings of other drug studies an d
inquiries.
An important aspect of "Licit and
Illicit Drugs" is its myth-exploding role .
For example, the much-ballyhooe d
"heroin overdose" was revealed for a
fraud : you can die of a heroin overdos e
about as easily as you can die of a n
orange overdose . Heroin deaths are
'instead linked side effects of the heroi n
black market — impurities in the drug ,
or mixing smack with alcohol (which i s
used heavily by most heroin addicts —
Janis Joplin was bombed on Southern
Comfort when she died of her "heroin
overdose ." )
Another myth that bits the dust is th e
one that says that not enough ; researc h
has been done re marijuana to prove tha t
it is harmless . As the book points out,
since 1894, dozens of private studies and
six full-blown LeDain-scale, governmen t
sponsored inquiries have been conducted . Not one shred of evidence agains t
marijuana has been found to prove that i t
is physically, mentally, or otherwise
harmful, or that it is addictive . God
knows they looked hard enough for it .
Licit and Illicit Drugs is the bes t
handbook ever written on the subject o f
the non-medical use of drugs that I hav e
read. It combines everything worth
saying about drugs, without becoming ,
repetitive or boring . Page by page i t
builds up its case, offering cogent ,
evidence for every step of thei r
reasoning, then in the final chapter s
comes to logical and rational conclusions . The way the evidence builds u p
against the current drug attitudes read s
like a detective novel, and its climax is a
good deal more satisfying.
The one drawback of the book is that i t
is 540 pages long, and even if it does mak e
great reading, few of us have the time t o
read the whole thing . Whatever you do ,
don't miss the brilliant discussion of th e
heroin black market in the section o n
narcotics ; and the insightful account o f
how glue sniffing became an overnigh t
sensation in a chapter tellingly entitled ,
"How to Launch a Nationwide Drug
Menace . "
And when you've finished the book ,
send a copy to your Member o f
Parliament . It would be a tragedy if thi s
important book was overlooked an y
longer .
Ralph Maurer
Sub tine last picture sho w
Peter Bogdanovich is the critic cum directo r
who's only previously late lamented claim to fame
was the kid that he walked around directing in a n
old pair of pants once worn by John (the Duke )
Wayne in THE THREE GODFATHERS, small
change . But his THE LAST PICTURE SHOW is
big change, it was a very big change fo r
Bogdanovich who with this rather recent (1971 )
black-and-white gala Americana period piec e
nostalgia firmly established himself as an excellent actor"s director and as an important ne w
vision in the film industry . The touching, quaintl y
moving, finely photographed story is the petit e
verite portrait of the small west Texas town o f
Anarene, circa 1951, at a time when many small
town movie houses began to die out bowing to the !
advent of catatonic teevee for the masses . It is the
rather rustic death of a whole camp collection
catalogue of the American dream world nostalgia . ;
The picture is embarrassingly good fo r
several reasons, none of which may seem to b e
Bogdanovich ' s fault. The mini-verite attempt a t
period piece realism via attrition, i .e ., period
cars, period hairdos, and even proper period slan g
language is all underlined by Bob Surtee's nea r
perfect period photography — bleakly nostalgi c
black-and-white resolution . Near perfect actin g
performances by an outstanding cast ; Leachman,
Johnston, bottoms et al, adds much t o
Bogdanovich's actor's director status . The film's .
own rather facile cum campy symbolis m
romantically metamorphoses itself into that sam e
old west wet dream world memorabilia of th e
Howard Hawks or genre John Ford greatl y
lamented never-never-land Westerns .
One must sense that this fine grained movie
THE LAST PICTURE SHOW tha t
Don Griffith, W2, and those hard working student
ranch hands at the old SUB CINE Filmso c
corral are putting on this term and since they ar e
still going strong at only 50c a seat every weeken d
maybe this is the last picture show us sufferin g
. exam crammers can afford to see in this town .
Eric Ivan Ber g
Thank yo u
for the support that all students have shown fo r
the New Pi t
TO KEEP THE PIT AS A CONTINUING SERVICE TO TH E
UNIVERSITY COMMUNITY WE WOULD ASK YOU R
ASSISTANCE IN OBSERVING THESE REQUIREMENTS :
THE PIT IS OPERATED ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS UNDE R
THE REGULATIONS OF THE BRITISH COLUMBI A
LIQUOR CONTROL BOARD, THE UNIVERSITY OF B .C . ,
AND THE ALMA MATER SOCIETY .
ADMISSION IS TO HOLDERS OF VALID AMS, UB C
FACULTY, AND STAFF CARDHOLDERS WHO ARE 1 9
YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER .
GUESTS MUST BE GENUINE AND ACCOMPANY TH E
SPONSOR .
WHEN REQUIRED, PHOTO IDENTIFICATION IS MANDATORY .
ADMISSION MAY BE REFUSED FOR ANY REASON .
THE STAFF ARE REQUIRED TO ENFORCE THE REGULATIONS, THEY DON'T MAKE THEM !
PLEASE HELP US AVOID EMBARRASSMENT TO YO U
AND TO US BY OBSERVING THESE REQUIREMENTS .
Thank yo u
The Pit Staf f
Page Friday, 12,
THE UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30, 1973
Friday, November 30, 1973
THE
U BYSSEY
Page 1 9
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iR
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And, despite their modes t
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41
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THE
Page 20
UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30, 197 3
1
Smith plans bigger boo k
sale this time next yea r
By KENT SPENCE R
Bookstore manager Bob Smit h
said Thursday he is trying to dra w
up "some sort of strategy" fo r
another book sale at this time nex t
year .
His plans include another book buying trip to the East . About one third of the 250,000 books on sale
this year were bought fro m
Toronto publishing houses to sell
here .
Smith's plans are getting bigge r
with every sale . The first sale, i n
February, 1971, dealt only in UBC
inventory . The second, las t
January, was Smith's firs t
business with Toronto, done mostl y
by phone .
The current sale was organized
on a trip by Smith to Toronto i n
August . It was, in Smith's words ,
"a gamble .
"The reason we got into it is w e
were in trouble . We wanted to sel l
our inventory and the books fro m
Toronto gave us enough of a
margin to pay for the cost of doin g
it . "
Smith is entertaining ideas o f
going to Toronto again, but an eve n
bigger idea has spawned this tim e
-- a trip to New York .
"We'll hit Toronto, but also Ne w
York - that's where the real bi g
boys are . Maybe we can get some
better prices in New York . "
A lot of the books Smith buys i n
Toronto are from New Yor k
anyway so he said it will cut out the
cost of Toronto's overhead .
Smith said he is not competin g
with local businessmen and would
"be upset if they protested" . H e
said there was "a dig in th e
Province" but otherwise no on e
has said anything .
Asked whether he thought th e
current sale was a success, h e
said : "Success? Yes, it's a success, it has reduced the inventory . "
Smith said about two-thirds of
the books have been sold with th e
sale at Brock hall continuing until 5
p .m . Saturday .
He mentioned children's books ,
art and cooking books as being th e
biggest sellers, which aren' t
normally in the inventory, he said .
"If I can get space we will do i t
again . We'll get a little better a t
managing the thing and in the lon g
run, it could be a profitabl e
operation . It could be a means o f
financing other bookstore system s
we desperately need .
"We're getting a reputation as
bisrhe's
world wide travel
9ti
ONE NUMBER FO R
AL L
YOUR TRAVE L
ARRANGEMENT S
a maverick bookstore in North
Smith said any profits from the
America . Nobody else has ever book sale will be used to lowe r
tried anything of this size ."
prices for UBC students .
AMS cuts gran t
for widow's visit
Please Call For Detail s
A $150 grant to bring Hortensia Allende, wife of late Chilean president
Salvador Allende, to speak at UBC Dec . 4 was cut to $75 by Alma Mate r
Society council Wednesday .
The Chilean solidarity committee, co-sponsors of Allende's speech ,
made the grant application .
Council members said they believe students could hear Allende spea k
at John Oliver High School or at Simon Fraser University .
However the arts undergraduate society, also sponsoring the speech ,
will go ahead with the plans to bring her here .
" If 1,000 people attend this meeting, what is $150? " said AU S
president Bill Moen .
Moen said Allende is on a Canada-wide tour and drawing large crowd s
for her talks on Chilean strife caused by the military junta now rulin g
Chile .
Wrote Allende : "I could not overlook this opportunity to denounce the
military junta which took over from our democratically elected government .
"I want to say all the truth about the dramatic situation of th e
majority of the Chilean people because I refuse to fall into the conspiracy of silence .
"I hope to consolidate the bonds of solidarity bonding Canada an d
Chile . . . to outline the problems of the refugees and to request the
people and the government of Canada to open the doors of this vas t
country ."
224-439 1
5700 University Blvd .
urke's
world wide travel
96
Last Call Fo r
CHRISTMA S
w
We are going to have a very limited supply of the ne w
Polaroid SX-70, the camera of the century . So, reserve
now and avoid disappointment.
ROYAL BAN K
EMPLOYMENT INTERVIEWS
—Commerce and Economics Graduates are invited to submi t
resumes before December 31st to :
KEN WESTLIN G
Employment Officer
Royal Bank of Canada
1055 W . Georgia
Vancouver, B .C .
—For careers in financial and/or administrative management .
—SELECTED STUDENTS will be invited prior to January 13 t o
make interview appointments at the Campus Placement Office i n
anticipation of our on-campus visits January 23rd and 24th .
1RUSHAN T
1
-"Nis slmte
runts the
iecl tical f luk,t`ikmipltsc horawledge
4538 West 10th Avenue
224-5858 — 224-9112 11
rIORMACIRK11MIMEar:ZkC1311CMEMIe4KN42(elliett(SUBIMCMEMIACEMIMN41%1j.
Hortensia Allend e
wife of the assassinated Chilean Presiden t
speaks at U.B.C.
Tuesday, Dec . 4
12 :30 P.M.
S .U .B. Ballroom
Sponsored by the Arts Undergraduate Society
and the Chilean Solidarity Committee
* * * * DEFEND THE CHILEAN WORKING CLASS * * * *
Friday, November 30, 1973
THE
., :
4
! 1. aYE
Hot flashe s
solidarity committee and the arts
undergraduate society Allende
will speak on the situation o f
Chilean refugees after th e
counter-revolution, the conspirac y
of silence in Chile and th e
atrocities committed by th e
military junta now ruling Chile .
She is currently on a Canadia n
tour to educate Canadian peopl e
about the recent tragedies in Chil e
and their implications for th e
world . She will also be speaking i n
the Vancouver area at John Olive r
high school Sunday at 8 p .m . an d
SFU Monday at noon .
Allende visits
campus
Hortensia de B . Allende ,
widow of assassinated Chilia n
president Salvadore Allende wil l
speak on campus Tuesday noon i n
the SUB ballroom about recent
and current events in Chile .
Sponsored by the Chilea n
`sW2
'Tween
classes
UBYSSEY
many support or reject abortion .
It is being run to see if UB C
students favor abortion o n
demand or if they oppose it an d
are against convicted abortionist
Dr . Henry Mortentaler of
Montreal .
Phone 926-2896 to cast you r
ballot .
Photo contes t
Photosoc is sponsoring its first
annual photographic contest i n
SUB art gallery Jan . 13-19 .
Deadline for entries is Jan . 5 . Fo r
more information call 228-4405 .
Ex speak s
TODA Y
Lord Caradon, former Britis h
foreign minister and former
resident representative to th e
United Nations will speak on
campus Tuesday noon about th e
U .N . and the Middle East .
The Leon and Thea Koerne r
lecturer will speak in Buchana n
100 on The U .N . : Neglected
Instrument, Lessons of the Middl e
East .
Caradon will also be speakin g
at 8 p .m . Monday at th e
Centennial museu m
Caradon is sponsored here b y
the UBC centre for continuin g
education and the Vancouve r
branch of the U .N . association .
SAILING CLU B
Christmas ski trip, sign up on clu b
bulletin board in SUB basement .
ALLIANCE FRANCAIS E
Meeting, noon, IH lounge .
SATURDA Y
Cv C
Games night, 7 :30 p.m ., SUB 216 .
AQUA-SO C
Party, SUB ballroom .
MONDAY
LDS
Joseph Fielding Smith an Exemplar ,
noon, Angus 104.
TUESDAY
AUS SPEAKE R
Hortensia
Allende,
wife
of
assassinated Chilean president
speaking at noon, SUB ballroom .
GERMAN CLU B
Last meeting of the year, noon, I H
2
fNESDA Y
WED
ONTOLOG Y
Dale Maranda speaking on loving t o
be who you are, noon, Such . 216 .
THURSDAY
PHILOSOPHY UNIO N
Meeting noon, East Mall Anne x
116 .
FRIDA Y
PSYCHSO C
Dr . C . Commins of The Maples ,
speaking on children with emotiona l
disturbances, noon, Angus 207 .
Page 2 1
. ...
Pro-life
Some people think abortion i s
murder and they're letting th e
UBC Pro-life society know abou t
it .
The society is holding a vot e
_today by telephone to see how
GRADUATE STUDEN T
ASSOCIATION
OFFICIAL NOTIC E
Nominations for the two vacant seats on the Alm a
Mater Society Council closed Monday, Nov . 26 .
Only two nominations were received, from Keith
Dunbar (Education) and John Dwyer (History) .
The two nominees have therefore been declared
elected .
iyF
aassifisas
RATES : Campus — 3 lines, 1 day $1 .00 ; additional lines, 25c;
Commercial — 3 lines, 1 day $1 .50; additional lines 35c;
additional days $1 .25 & 30c .
Classified ads are not accepted by telephone and are payable i n
advance. Deadline is 11 :30 a.m., the day before publication.
Publications Office, Room 241 S .U.B., UBC, Van . 8, B.C.
40 — Messages
GARAGE SALE . FABULOUS BAR gains good cause, baturday, Dec .
1, 12 :00-4 .00 ; 2456 W . Broadway .
I'M AGAINST ABORTIO N
ARE YOU ?
Sit-athome?
Not you!
You're not a sit-at-home ,
afraid to get out and go whe n
winter comes .
You're a girl who can' t
imagine missing a day in th e
snow, even if it is a proble m
day . That's why you use
Tampax tampons instead of
old-fashioned napkins . A
tampon can't bulge and ma r
the look of ski pants, inhibi t
your movements or let odo r
form . Tampax tampons are
worn internally, so you're abl e
to move freely, unencumbere d
unembarrassed .
Active girls like you protec t
themselves with dependabl e
Tampax tampons . And reall y
enjoy winter .
UNIPRIN T
New! — To make
color prints from
color slides .
No interneg needed
Just in time for you r
Christmas Card s
$11 .95 for half gal . siz e
Vote Today — Fri . 30t h
Phone 926-2896
50 — Rental s
Short of Refrigerator
t(je 'Lena ana *butter
Space?
Camera a
Phone RICHBAR
435-8105
DECORATE with prints & posters
from The Grin Bin, 3209 W .
Broadway (Opp. Liquor Store &
Super-Valu) .
Rent a 10 cubic foot fridg e
$10 .00/mont h
Month-to-Month Renta l
NO DEPOSI T
THE
AIRMAIL
has art deco. ,
jewellery and kitsch . 2715 Mai n
St, . at 21st . Phone 879-7236 .
65 — Scandal s
CHEVROLET CHEVELLE,
1964 ,
city tested . Snow tires, ne w
brakes, very good running condition, $595 . SCM electric type writer, Secret model, extra keys ,
$199 . 224-1507 .
YEAR OLD — 2 snow tires (14) ,
car radio, tape recorder, best offer . 732-7154, 228-3196. ask fo r
Sadig.
RETURN TICKET — Vancouver Toronto, Dec . 15-Jan. 6 . 228 2268, Lois.
1r.
SKI WHISTLER . Rent condominium opposite lifts . Day/week .
732-0174 .
DR. BUNDOLO and his entire crew
wishes his fans a Merry Xma s
and a A Happy New Year.
70 — Services
RESEARCH—Thousands of topics .
2 .75 per page . Send $1 .00 fo r
your up-to-date, 160-page, mail order catalog . Research Assistance, Inc., 11941 Wilshire Blvd . ,
Suite 2, Los Angeles, Calif . . 9002 5
(213) . 477-8474 .
80 — Tutoring
PRACTIKA 35mm camera . Meye r
50mm, 1 .S lens with V .V. and Y- 2
filters . Case included. $100 —
327-6046 evenings .
Modern wonders every one .
You'll enjoy perfect time, all tine time ,
thanks to a tiny tuning for k
that guarantees accurac y
to within 60 second s
•
a month . VVe have the .
% finest selection of Accutro n
sa
by Bulova.
rR
Speakeasy SUB Anytime !
LANGE SKI BOOTS, size 11, i n
perfect condition, $45 .00 . Phon e
Andy at 224-9549 and leav e
message .
228-6792 — 12 :30-2 :3 0
STEREO : Amp, turntable, speakers ,
headphones . Less than a year old .
$150 .00. Phone Grant, 224-9691 .
TUTORIA L
CENTR E
For Students and Tutor s
Register Nowl 12:30-2 :30
HOUSE FOR SAL E
Unique opportunity — 5 bed rooms, 2½ baths. Large famil y
home in Point Grey. Professionally renovated in and out.
Priced around $60,000 . For further information contact :
Howard J. Furze, 327-917 1
or 879-7571 (24 Hrs . )
s4 'peso *ssf'M!+"► #.ess+sl srssea
*Ras •$S es ..a*Nes **see&.a3sw i
85 — Typing
ESSAYS and Papers typed . Reasonable rates. 274-6047 .
YR. ROUND accurate typing fro m
legible drafts . Quick service o n
short essays . 735-6829 from 1 0
a.m . to 9 p.m .
90 — Wanted
Other Models Priced from $11S.X
URGENT — 2000 square feet needed for People's Educational Gar age . 254-4467 anytime .
LIMITE D
REGISTERED JEWELLER, AMERICAN GEM SOCIET Y
Grenville at Pander Since 1904
MADE ONLY B Y
CANADIAN TAMPAX CORPORATION LTD. ,
BARRIE, ONTARIO
GOSLING : A reward is given upo n
return of my glasses . Call 224 9883 .
GOOD HOME (not apartment) fo r
affectionate, spayed, 10 month ,
female tabby cat . Evenings only.
433-2095 (Marilyn) .
22"
OR 45" LOOM.
Call 936-7005 .
Page 22
THE
UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30, 197 3
DON'T HIBERNATE THIS WINTER !
PARTICIPAT E
GET OFF Y OUR ASS — IN INTRAMURALS !
G O Y A!! 228-4648 — 228-5326
RECREATION UBC NOTIC E
Facility Usage During th e
Holiday Period
ARMOURIES (Tennis) Closed from 5th December unt ;'
December 29th.
South Campus Complex Gymnasiums — Closed from 8
December until 7th January .
War Memorial Gym (including circuit) — Open Dail y
throughout Exams and Holidays (except Xmas, Boxing
and New Years Day) from 2 p .m. until 10 p .m.
We encourage members and guests to use War Memorial Gy m
du . ing the holidays. Some group bookings will be accepted at
the gym dispensary .
a rsity $port s
4510 W. 10 Ave.
Centre Ltd.
224-6414 '
"YOUR SPORTS CENTRE "
John Wurflinger would like
to invite you to drop in and
discuss your skiing need s
with him.
THE THUNDERBIRDS LEAVE for the People's Republic of China Sunday . They'll be accompanied by fou r
hangers-on from the Canadian Amateur Hockey Association and possibly an , :alumni supporter . No one is
going from The Ubyssey, however, due to a limited number of visas, consumed by the hangers-on . If yo u
think this is sour grapes you're right . Have fun guys .
Birds fly to Chin a
By PETER LEIBI K
All across Canada young hockey
players no longer desire to play fo r
the Montreal Canadiens br to se e
their name etched on the Stanley
Cup .
Instead, all efforts are bein g
directed towards attending UB C
and making the Thunderbird
hockey team, for what NHL tea m
includes competition against th e
People's Republic of China ?
The Thunderbirds leave o n
Canadian Pacific Airlines Sunda y
for a goodwill tour of China whic h
threatens to overshadow prim e
minister Trudeau's recent trip t o
the same locale .
UBC was selected to represen t
Canada by external affair s
because it possesses an excellen t
hockey team and coach .
"It lends a bit of prestige to sen d
a university team," said coach
SPECIAL PACKAGE —
Limited time only —
Beginners & Intermediate s
TECHNICA SKI BOOTS
Reg. $79.95
XMAS SPECIA L
$so .00
Hindmarch . "They could hav e
chosen a junior or senior team but
it's preferable not to send a bunch
of animals . "
The emphasis of the trip will be
on cultural exchange rather tha n
hard-hitting hockey . "We hope to
experience as much as the Chines e
lifestyle as possible," said Ric h
Longpre . "It's quite an honor to be
going . "
"We may travel to parts of oute r
Manchuria where no white face
has been seen," said Hindmarch a s
he phoned various people abou t
obtaining presents for thei r
Chinese hosts . "I've heard it' s
customary to exchange gifts an d
we certainly don't want to offend
anyone . "
While the China trip may seem
like a nice reward or compensatio n
for stitches taken and hours spent
in dirty rinks Hindmarch said
VANCOUVER'S LEADIN G
CROSS-COUNTR Y
SPECIALIST S
EQUIPMENT
CLOTHING .
SKI SCHOO L
RENTAL S
St99e"d
SPORT
VILLA LTD .
2693 West Broadway •
731-881 8
r1•
When thinking of Christmas, think o f
North Western Sporting Good s
Ltd.
"Your Headquarters For ALL All Sports Equipment "
Thunderette s
take titl e
The UBC Thunderette s
volleyball team, losing only one of
their 12 games, won the first of
three CWUAA volleyball tournaments . It was held in Calgary
Saturday and Sunday .
Their only lose was to the
University of Saskatchewan wh o
came in second . Other competitors
were the University of Calgary ,
University of Alberta, University
of Victoria, and the University of
Lethbridge who finished in tha t
order .
Two Locations: Westlake Lodge ,
Noll yburn, and
We wish al/ students, staff and faculty
A MERRY CHRISTMAS and A HAPPY NEW YEAR
that's not the way to view it . "This
team would play hockey at 2 a .m .
without a soul watching them . "
"They simply enjoy playing th e
game . The trip is purely secondary
even thought it is fabulous . "
On the way back from China th e
team will play three games in
Japan where Yoshio Hoshino wil l
compete against his old colleg e
classmates in Tokyo .
The trip will be an histori c
moment for the hockey world, far
more exciting than the New Yor k
Raiders conversion to the Cherry
Hill Knights . If the Birds manag e
to keep their hands off the loca l
women it will become a great
cultural event .
We give
10 %
discount to U .B .C. students !
Hunting & Fishing Supplie s
Guns & Gun Repair s
We carry skis by Rossignol, Dynaster, Head, Fischer, Kneissl ,
VR-17, Hexel, plus a full range of ski boots, ski clothing an d
accessories .
Golf, Tennis & Camping Good s
A COMPLETE LINE OF ALL WINTER SPORTS EQUIPMEN T
Skis—Poles--Boots & Harnes s
Slacks & Sweater s
A, I
Skates & Hockey Equipmen t
SKI SHeP
CHARGEX
336 W . Pender St.
3715 West 10th (at Alma)
224-504 0
LTD.
681-2004 or 681-842 3
OPEN FRIDAY NIGHTS UNTIL 900
FREE PARKING AT REAR OF STOR E
•
Friday, November 30, 1973
THE
UBYSSEY
Page 2 3
SPORTS
Fencing is jus t
not like it use d
to be in movie s
By RICK LYME R
Whenever I think of fencing images of Douglas Fairbanks Jr . leaping
from bed to bed slaying thousands of guardsmen while adoring female s
look on come to my mind's eye.
Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with what's happening in fencin g
today . The UBC team of 26 members face the realities of everyday life .
The lack of funds and opponents who don't fall down in a faint when the y
show up .
The beginning fencer starts with the foil, a metre long spring wir e
with a guard . This is perhaps the most difficult weapon to master due t o
the quickness needed to hit a smaller target area . This consists of the
torso, front and back . A point is scored when the tip of the foil strikes th e
opponent . This is monitored by electronic gear which signals a hit b y
lights . The innovation of this type of twentieth century technology ha s
influenced the sport, making it more aggressive and quicker .
A bout takes place on a mat, 18 x 1-1/2 metres .
Once the novice is exposed to the foil, he moves on to the sabre o r
epee . The epee is similar in shape to the foil but the philosophy behind i t
is different due to the scoring system . In the foil, the aggressor is
awarded the point even if your tip makes contact with the opponent .
With the epee points are scored whether the opponent strikes or not .
The sabre is different from the other two fencing weapons in it has a n
edge, thus points can be scored with the edge and the tip . This involves
cut and thrust as well as lunges which are found in the other weapons .
The team has a professional fencer for a coach . Maitre Bac, fro m
Cambodia, was trained in Paris at the Institut National du Sport .
Fencing can be a fairly expensive sport for the participating individual due to a lack of adequate funding from the Athletic Department . This is no less true of other sports in which players supply thei r
own gear, if on a smaller scale . This is indicative of the shortage of
monies in the athletic program at UBC .
The men's team was granted $300 by the committee and receives
another $100 from the B .C . Fencing Association . Without this grant, the
team could not afford Bac as a coach .
The team is largely supported by its own members, who might spen d
up to $200 a year in order to compete in tournaments regularly . The
recent tournament in Edmonton where individuals paid their own wa y
is an example .
The clothing which the team wears can be purchased for $60 while to
make it is less than half that amount . Epee is the most expensive, due to
frequent breakage of the blade, each of which costs $25 . Sabres cost $1 0
and foils $15 and usually last a season of competition .
The University of Winnipeg has a budget of over $6,000 for its team .
However, in talent, UBC is well ahead of any western university in th e
sabre and epee .
The team is on the outlook for more players, particularly women .
Those interested should contact Pat Tam at 325-3603 .
COMING ON STRON G
IN JANUAR Y
CO-REC
GET OFF YOUR
GOYAB E E
NORM THOMAS after one of the football Birds many wipeouts stated he was going to go out and do som e
recruiting . He would then make the other teams in the Canada West conference know just how it feels to los e
your final home game of the season 60-7 . He has already shown big results. This week he announced th e
signing of a new fullback, Crushton Cowalski . Cowalski . shown above on the practice field in Deep Rive r
Ontario where he played last year, is a power runner and just the thing UBC needs considering its front lin e
this year . "We'll make 'em eat hay with this one, " enthused Thomas . Cowalski was unavailable for comment .
Fullback solves football proble m
The Thunderbirds have acquired a fullback wh o
coach Norm Thomas thinks will give UBC a winning
football team next year .
His name is Crushton Cowalski, who formerl y
played with the Harvey S . Dickie Memorial Platoo n
Veterinary School in Deep River, Ontario . A hefty 600
pounder, Cowalski runs effectively with or withou t
blocking and, while lacking speed, has never bee n
stopped short of the goal line .
Last year in the North Eastern Ontario League fo r
Retired Milkmen Cowalski rushed for four miles ,
IGtlA mans hair styling salon
Ass PARTICIPATE G _
Partici ate In Intramurals
Winner: Men's Hair Styling Competitio n
— 1969, 70, 71, 7 3
Master of Coiffure — Hair Designe r
ENTRY DEADLINE S
(Two blocks West of Burrard)
HOCKEY —
BASKETBAL L
WOMEN
VOLLEYBAL L
HOCKEY —
BASKETBALL
Dec. 7, 1 :30 p.m.
228-4648
228-5326
Men — Room 308 — War Memorial Gy m
Women Room 20 2
YEAR
END .
Clearanc e
FOR APPOINTMENT 731-063 6
1965 W . 4th
MEN
scored 113 touchdowns, produced 70 pounds of butte r
and 83 gallons of milk .
Coach Thomas said that Cowalski has a mil d
temperament and shouldn't present the personalit y
problems which often accompany superstars . "We'v e
already nicknamed him 'Contented Cowalski'," sai d
Thomas .
"One thing," the coach added, "He's going to have
to shave off that beard and start using a mouthwas h
regularly . We're also having trouble with his unifor m
and equipment, but Canada Tent and Awning, an d
Stelco, may have the problem solved . "
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THE
Page 24
Friday, November 30, 197 3
UBYSSEY
these are record prices !
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POLYDOR ,
WARNER
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Isaac Hayes — 2 LP' s
M .S .L . 10 .98 A & B
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KC 32280 — There Goe s
Rhymin' Simon —
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KE 31584 — They Onl y
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OPEN THURSDAY & FRIDAY UNTIL 9 P .M.