One on One Mentor Training 2016_ALL

ONE-ON-ONE MENTOR TRAINING MANUAL
Foothills Christian Church Women’s Ministries
350 B Cypress Lane, El Cajon, CA 92020
619.442.7728 • Fax 619.442.5161
WITH SPECIAL THANKS TO MARILYN GOODMAN AS THE
PRINCIPAL WRITER OF THE FIRST EDITION.
2ND EDITION June 2014
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Intro/Your Journey Together ___________________________________________________________________3
Basic Needs Sequence ________________________________________________________________________3
Why a Woman Seeks a Mentor? ________________________________________________________________3
6 Biblical Principles to Apply in Mentoring _____________________________________________________ 4-10
Signs Your Mentee Might Not be Ready to be Mentored ____________________________________________10
Rational for Small Group Mentoring ____________________________________________________________10
The Art of Listening ______________________________________________________________________ 11-12
How To Get Started: Setting Goals _____________________________________________________________ 14
Getting to Know You Worksheet ____________________________________________________________ 15-16
Dreaming Big ______________________________________________________________________________ 17
Life Goals Inventory ______________________________________________________________________ 18-19
Negative to Positive Characteristics ____________________________________________________________ 20
Ideas of Things to Do Together ________________________________________________________________ 21
High School Resources _______________________________________________________________________23
Young Adult Resources ____________________________________________________________________23-24
Topical Specific Books _____________________________________________________________________25-31
Marriage_________________________________________________________________________25-26
Parenting ________________________________________________________________________26-27
Christian Living ___________________________________________________________________ 27-31
REQUIREMENTS TO BE A MENTOR
This insures accountability and someone able to vouch for their character, faithfulness, dependability, ability to
lead others, etc. It also shows they are submitted to the leadership of the church and the priorities of the
church.
You have to have a strong foundation in the faith before you can help others make their faith stronger.
Your Journey Together
He appointed 12, that they might BE WITH HIM, and that he might send them out… (Mark 3:13-15)
“Come and I will cause you to become fishers of men.” (Matt. 4:19)
…that the older women train the younger….(Titus 2:4)
Jesus took responsibility for equipping His disciples. He loved them and invested in them.
"As long as the wisdom and the lessons we have learned through pain and discipline are locked up in the heart
or 'hoarded high in barns' they remain sterile and unfertile. To grow in the midst of difficulty, we must rip open
the bags of grain and seed and pour them out wherever we see FERTILE GROUND. This is the classic death and
rebirth theme in Christianity, in which the "seed of love must be eternally re-sown."
We need each other desperately. We need someone who has "walked the road" we are about to walk, or that
we are currently on….so they might shed light and help us on our path. When you help another, you UN-lock
your heart and A NEW JOY AND EXCITEMENT begins to grow and your faith becomes fresh again.
BASIC NEEDS SEQUENCE:
LOVE: Loving by choice gives new value to a person and provides a foundation for change.
VISION: Your mentee will begin to see more clearly by getting a new Godly perspective on her circumstances.
FAITH: Your commitment to your mentee, gives them trust in God's commitment to them.
TRUTH: The truth takes root in the soil nourished by love, vision and faith.
HOPE: They begin to see success and a new hope grows in the soil of love and faith.
HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIPS: Because of her new hope and joy, your mentee will grow in her capacity to
offer more in relationships because she is developing Christlikeness and coming out of her confusion and "neediness."
IMPORTANT NOTE:
If you try to bypass love, vision and faith and just thrust the truth out for them to "accept or die" you harden people and make them more fearful to trust. Remember, you are preparing the soil of
the heart and many women may have people in their lives who came before you arrived and shredded their
heart. It's fragile. It NEEDS the truth, but LOVING them first, with no agenda, breaks up the fallow ground so it
can receive that truth. Fallow ground is ground that has been allowed to lie useless and unproductive. It needs
to be prepared by love for the seeds you want to sow in it.





WHY DOES A WOMAN SEEK A MENTOR?
They want change in some area of their life.
They lack vision or faith to see the way forward, so they want help.
Fear and confusion may have set in and paralyzed them. They want help out.
They may just plain want a friend and they don't know how else to get it, so this is a starting point.
They have watched you and like what they see and want to learn from you.
6 Biblical Principles to Apply in mentoring
The following principles are an extension of the Basic Needs Sequence.
It is dependent on the love of God. "We love…because He first loved us." (John 4:19)
When you love a woman right where they are -- by choice --and show goodwill and kindness, you give her new
value by your goodness to her and you provide her a sanctuary. "Perfect love casts out all fear." (I John 4:18)
When you show love, your mentee can begin to risk the process of change because there is a sure ground for
acceptance.
Both mentor and mentee are responding to God’s call to walk together through the ongoing process of maturing. Love and encouragement are the mentor’s primary gifts. Your love and faithfulness will give your
mentee the hope and trust she needs to journey with you.
UNDERSTANDING GRACE IN THE PROCESS
Trying to EARN love: There is a famous saying, "Everything we do is to EARN LOVE, or because we ARE LOVED."
We live much of our lives trying to get things right in order to EARN God’s love. Many of us are accustomed to
giving --in order to BE loved. We have to learn to accept that we ARE loved simply by God's choice. We gain an
understanding of grace best when we experienced it from another. So you, the mentor, are going to offer
love and friendship even when the mentee doesn't do everything you suggest in the time frame you e xpected.
Grace, God’s unmerited favor, is an expression of God’s unconditional love often expressed through others.
When we feel least loveable (usually when we know we’ve done wrong), a wave of His grace may wash over us
that both convinces us of His love and convicts us that we’re hurting His heart. Then we want to change rather
than feeling condemned. A line from an old hymn comes to mind, “There’s wideness in God’s mercy, like the
wideness of the sea.” We need to model this love to the ones we mentor.
PRIMING YOUR MENTEE TO RECEIVE LOVE
Your mentee may need to be primed to receive grace. If taking in compliments makes her uncomfortable, the
Lord may be calling you to "pour the oil of grace over her" when you meet. This means looking for opportunities to bless her verbally as well as by touch and by loving her freely when she fails.
MENTORING IS ALSO ABOUT YOU RECEIVING LOVE
As a natural response, mentees will begin to express gratitude and look for ways to bless you: a compliment,
eagerness to meet, referring others to you, sometimes a small gift. These are good signs. The mentee is feeling
loved and experiencing change in her life and she wants to express her thankfulness and her love f o r you. This
isn’t a time to get super spiritual saying something like, “It’s all the Lord.” Of course it is. BUT you’re actively
participating with Him and He delights in seeing His co-workers rewarded by receiving expressions of love. Learn
to be a generous giver but a gracious receiver. Your mentee will be blessed in the giving.
A CHRISTIAN MENTOR IS EMPOWERED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT
You are never asked to know the answer to everything. Jesus gave us a great promise in John 14:15-16, "If you
love Me and keep my commandments, I will ask the Father and He will give you another Helper, that He may be
with you forever, that is the Spirit of truth…(16:7-13)…and when He comes, he will convict, speak, and guide you
into all truth…" You ask God for help, because He loves the woman you are mentoring, and He loves you!
Be willing to walk ahead with confidence when your mentee lacks faith and hope. Hear her out and then quietly say, “The Father understands and I do, too. For now, I have enough faith and hope for both of us. Follow
me.” The Holy Spirit will guide you as you guide her.
Your quiet confidence will put courage into your mentee. You need not be afraid that you don’t know the
way; you only need to be confident that God will give you what you need in the day and hour that you need it,
just like He did with his disciples.
“…in quietness and confidence shall be your strength,” Isa.30:15
“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Proverbs 29:18
Remember that they are coming to you, because they want change and they don't know how to get it.
They are stuck somewhere and want out of "that place" into a new place.
RESOURCES TO HELP YOU KNOW WHERE TO START – Found in the Worksheet Section




GETTING TO KNOW YOU WORKSHEET
LIFE GOALS INVENTORY
DREAMING BIG
NEGATIVE TO POSITIVE CHARACTERISTICS
-Helps your mentee see how negative characteristics can become positive if given the right attention.
These worksheets can be a great help to you. Have your mentee fill them out and talk about where she is right
now and where she wants to go in her journey. Pick a particular area and begin there --whatever area seems
most important to her right now.
SHE MAY ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY WHERE SHE WANTS HELP. Start there. WHAT HAS HELPED YOU? A book? A
Study, an audio series? - See our Resource Section for bible studies/books we have found very helpful.
LISTEN AND THEN HELP HER SET GOALS:
Only one goal to start… small successes gives hope and strength. Too much all at once is overwhelming and
leads to failure. We hunger to see what’s ahead and yet tend to focus on our problems. Get her to focus on
something positive and leave the problem as a temporary "unresolved issue." Success in one area gives strength
to later tackle the "unresolved" one.
DEVELOPING NEGATIVE TRAITS INTO POSITIVE CHARACTERISTICS:
A negative trait is developed into a positive characteristic by the power of the Holy Spirit as we practice walking
in newness of life (Romans 6:4). When a negative characteristic comes to light, we can give our mentee
God’s positive perspective.
"He who began a good work in you will continue…developing that good work, perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.” (Phil. 1:6)
The key to change is in displacing the old, negative ways ONE choice at a time. With our encouragement, the
mentee can begin to see beyond the now and dare to reclaim dreams or to dream new dreams. As mentors, we
are encouraging them in their journey of becoming more and more focused on their potential. The Lord re-
wards diligent seekers. Joy bubbles up and troubles dial down…well, the troubles may remain but the mentee
will be gaining the spiritual strength to be at peace and still experience joy while going through the troubles.
“In the world you will have tribulations…fear not,
for I have overcome the world.” (John 1 6 : 33 )
Speaking the truth with sincerity is also an essential key. While true compliments are encouraging, flattery is
insincere and will not cause a person to change. Pretending that our mentee’s “vessel” is just fine doesn’t make
it just fine. We all know our shortcomings and there is a difference between pretending the defect isn’t there,
and speaking w h a t we confidently believe will be developed in the future as our mentee applies God’s principles to her daily life. Stubbornness can become persistence; Recklessness can become courage.
CALLING FORTH THE POTENTIAL YOU SEE:
Giving them a new vision, removing blinders, speaking forth who you see this woman becoming from God’s
perspective and yours, always encouraging, and exhorting, "You can do it! I have faith in you!" Watch her hope
blossom as her confidence increases.
Examples of calling out potential:
“I love the way you watch for newcomers. You have a gift of hospitality.”
“Have you considered signing up to be a greeter on Sunday mornings?”
“I can hear the joy of the Lord as you worship!”
“Have you prayed about using your gift of worship in ministry?”
“I enjoyed your sharing during Bible study.”
“Would you consider putting together a short devotional for next week?”
“You really shine when you’re around children. What a gift.”
“Are you interested in greeting the kids as they come into Kids Church?”
FAITH HAS SUBSTANCE:
Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the assurance of things not seen. Setting a goal and walking
through it with another woman, until they have success, causes them to grow in faith for future successes.
Like Hebrews says, the assurance came for one thing and now they begin to have hope and faith for things
they do not yet see. You’ve heard the expression “leap of faith”? Faith is an action word. We leap out (well, at
least step or crawl out), past our understanding, into the unknown.
Contrary to the feeling that stepping out in faith is like stepping off a cliff into thin air, Faith has SUBSTANCE
(Hebrews 11:1). It is solidly built on the foundation of being loved first. So when you take that “leap of faith”
you’re jumping into the trustworthy arms of the Lord.
When a mentee entrusts herself to you, she is stepping out in faith believing the Lord brought you together.
You have the privilege of continuing to build her faith as well as help prepare her for her future with your love
and faith. A Pastor once said, “If you don’t have faith for this, go back to a time you did have faith and borrow
from that! Or, you can borrow from my faith.”
Your confidence in the Lord’s trustworthiness will create a climate of faith. The more understanding and experience you have of the value of applying Scriptural principles to your daily life, the more enthusiastic you will
be as you encourage your mentee. And the more confidence you will feel as you experience God’s guiding
hand.
Once you have established where you both want to start in the growth process, take SMALL STEPS and build
on each success. One small success gives faith for the next and hope grows with each success.
You will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free." (Jn. 8:32)
You share your experience with the Word of God and its power and accuracy, and it begins to set women free.
Truth by itself can harden someone if given in a manner that doesn't begin with love.
Having a healthy appetite for God’s truth is part of your responsibility as a mentor. You cannot give what is
not in you. A mother bird doesn’t come back to the nest with an empty beak. A mentor’s heart and mouth need
to be satisfied by His Word. When our mentee knows we love them and have faith in them, they’ll blossom. And
just like a flower bud opens up, your mentee will open up to you and welcome more of God’s truth.
THE TRUTH IS WHAT WE HAVE TO OFFER:
Seek (YOU) First the Kingdom of God……and all these things shall be added to you. (Matt. 6:33)
The wisdom of the Lord that outshines all of man’s knowledge. What does seeking first look like in daily life?
How do you apply this verse on a daily basis?
HELPING ANOTHER STAY ON COURSE:
When our country sent the spacecraft Apollo 11 to the moon, the nation was in awe. The Apollo 11 was on
course just 3% of the time; the technical crew on earth was correcting the craft’s course the other 97%!
Apollo 11 had to be untethered from earth to take off into orbit around the earth. We, too, want to move more
and more toward godliness, to live our lives orbiting around The Son. Our untethering includes release from old
earthly attachments (mindsets, strong emotions, wrong beliefs, unhealthy relationships, etc.) This is where mentoring enters our lives.
Our AIM is in the heaven lies, too. Aiming to become more like Jesus…and we often need a technical expert
(one who knows the way—a mentor) to keep us on course. You have been called by the Lord as one who is
able to help another woman in this way.
Each new "TRUTH” that is gained, gives an appetite for more and growth. When a mentee allows herself to be
led by another woman she learns to trust, she will grow in the capacity to become inner directed, led by the
Spirit, toward her goal of becoming more and more like Jesus.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire is fulfilled, (hope) is a tree of life.”Prov. 13:12
New hope and joy comes as a result of being loved. Your mentee has gained vision and faith in the soil of that
love, AND by seeing how things have worked out for another woman (you) who has trusted in God.
HOPE IS TRANSFERABLE!
A tree has a small beginning… and renewed hope will take root within your mentee as she experiences your
love, faith and hope her. We are hope-givers. Looking for the best in our mentees and reflecting that back to
them revives hope as surely as CPR can bring breath back into struggling lungs.
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING FAITHFUL IN LITTLE THINGS:
We walk out “Seek ye first the kingdom” by being faithful in one little thing at a time. Just like the spacecraft,
we’re headed for heavenly places and our aim has to be corrected and adjusted over and over to keep us on
course. The benefits of being faithful in the little things that need adjusting in our life are great.
HERE ARE SOME OF THE BENEFITS:
“He will give us charge over much.” We will experience gain in our lives in areas we haven’t directly worked on.
Our growth through faithfulness in the little is exponential, affecting the whole of our life. Many of the unresolved issues of our lives will be resolved without having to face them head on.
“Be faithful in a little and I will give you charge over much," (Luke 16:10).
WE GAIN ENDURANCE:
A necessity in living an overcoming life.
“…understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance, steadfastness and patience. But let
endurance, steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be…fully developed…lacking in nothing.” James 1:3-4
WE BEGIN TO EXPERIENCE MORE OF HIS JOY AS THE FRUIT OF OUR FAITHFULNESS AND OBEDIENCE:
We gain a greater sense of well-being because we are living more and more led of the Spirit.
“If you keep my commandments—if you continue to obey My instructions…
my joy will be in you, and your joy will be complete.” John 15:10-11
“…endurance develops maturity of character, and character [of this sort] produces the habit of joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation.”(Rom. 5:4)
Being faithful in a little thing is a trial, a testing. When we stand the test we are strengthened to take on
greater challenges. As a shepherd boy, David honed his skill with slingshot as he tended the family sheep. In
time, he was strong enough to kill both a lion and a bear to protect the flock. When the challenge came to take
on the giant, Goliath, David was strong in faith in God and practiced in his skills. He had prepared himself
through faithfulness in his daily life. And David knew he walked in the strength of the Lord and for His glory.
We have Goliaths in our lives too and we need to grow into facing them in the confidence of the Lord, whether
our giants are emotional in nature or dire physical circumstances. Goliaths are often unresolved issues- things
that have confused us and we have not had victory over. Like David, we need to exercise and practice our
faith and spiritual strength on lesser things before we face off with our giants. Gaining victory and experience
in smaller skirmishes readies us to defeat the big stuff.
This is the principle of displacement at work. Each new good choice begins to displace past hurts and discouragement. Maybe your mentee has stopped going to Bible study or stopped meeting with her friend for lunch
or stopped practicing piano. Each choice to do what is good and wholesome for her will fan the embers of being
loved (being of value) and having faith. And fresh hope will bloom. Ordinary things that satisfy the soul will
begin to displace the emptiness. We renew hope—daring to hope again even though we fear we’ll be hurt
again. Hope refuses to be imprisoned by fear. Fear, like faith, also has substance.
"But we do earnestly desire for each of you to show the same diligence and sincerity in realizing
and enjoying the full assurance and development of your hope until the end.” Heb. 6:10-11
Because of her new hope and joy, she will grow in her capacity to offer more in relationships and fellowship because she is developing Christlikeness and coming out of her "neediness."
By loving and encouraging your women, you participate with the Lord in her spiritual and emotional growth.
COURAGE TO LOVE OTHERS:
How do we become more loving and healthier in relating to others? Our growth journey begins with receiving
love, beginning with His love for us. He first loved us… and then what? Through being loved we gain the courage to become givers of love. But we have some learning, some growing, to do. Look carefully at the Great
Commandment. The last phrase gives us an important clue:
“You shall love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, and with ALL your soul, and with ALL YOUR mind. This is the
great (most important, principal) and first commandment. And a second is like it.
You shall love your neighbor as love yourself.” (Matt. 22:37-39)
We will love others in the same way we love and relate to ourselves. The Word guarantees this: ‘You shall
love others … as you love yourself.”
Some examples of treating others the way we treat ourselves:
 If we’re critical of ourselves…beat ourselves up with negativity… we will criticize others. We may even
believe that our criticism is only an effort to be helpful. But it never works in a helpful way.
 If we’re fearful, we will be unwilling to take risks and will distrust the motives of others. We will limit
stepping out in faith and trusting others.
The key to change is in displacing the old, negative ways ONE choice at a time. Practice replacing your fears
and negative words by “speaking those things that are good” and see your old ways of fear and criticism fade as
godly responses become your new norm.
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, DWELL on these things.
The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace
will be with you. (Philippians 4:8-9)
WE GAIN SUBSTANCE AS WE GROW:
More of His character—less of our fears. We have more unconditional love to offer after we have received His
Love and experienced His Grace. Love and Grace are the foundation for increased Faith. We trust more, so
we’re able to receive more Truth. Our Hope increases and the outcome is we can act more lovingly towards
others and have sincere goodwill towards them.
LIVING BY CHOICE:
Decide in advance how we will respond to life. Yes, act with more love and kindness! Sound phony? Not so.
The acts of goodwill follow a decision to become more loving. Remember we are practicing “Living by Choice"-deciding in advance how we will respond to life. The acting becomes reality, the new response to life becomes
habitual (i.e. our mind is renewed) and the old reactions fade away.
Agape Love, simply put, is:
Choosing to have goodwill and to extend kindness to others.
The more we practice (mature in) giving goodwill, God’s love, the more we have to offer others.
“Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully.”(Eph. 5:15)
“Awake, O sleeper and arise from the dead and Christ shall shine upon you and give you light. Look carefully
then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily…not as the unwise…Making the most of the time—buying up
each opportunity… Therefore, do not be vague, thoughtless and foolish, but understand and fully grasp what the
will of the Lord is. …And…ever be filled and stimulated with the Holy Spirit.” (Eph. 5:14-18 )
(You choose):“…I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse: therefore, choose life, that you
and your descendants may live.” (Deut. 30:19b)
“…choose you this day whom you will serve…” Joshua 24:15
“…I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you
will continue until the day of Jesus Christ … developing that good work in you
and bringing it to full completion in you.” (Phil. 1:6)
We offer life/blessings, but the choice is theirs. Jesus did not demand. He wanted willing disciples.
SIGNS YOUR MENTEE MIGHT NOT
BE READY TO BE MENTORED
If your mentee seems initially enthusiastic, but begins to break appointments REGULARLY, or not follow through on agreements you made, she might not be ready to be mentored at this point in her life.
Gently suggest that she may be too busy for the commitment to mentoring at this time, and possibly she should
pursue it again when her schedule is less demanding. Humiliation and chastisement NEVER is helpful here.
Jesus never corrects us that way. HE JUST WAITS for us to recognize our predicament, and become more willing
to commit to the process of change.
RATIONAL FOR SMALL GROUP MENTORING
Primary task of mentoring is to make disciples.





You have lots of women seeking you out to mentor them and you can't do it all
Many women are lonely and seeking friends. A mentor is just one person and often times the
mentee needs more than one person can give. A small group would provide a larger place of
belonging.
In small groups there is safety and accountability with people. It helps in working with women
who don't naturally gravitate toward other women (stay isolated) because they are forced out
of their comfort zone, but into a safe environment where a small group accepts and loves.
It takes the pressure off the ONE mentor and the whole group becomes the helpers and lovers
(a place of belonging)
The women often become "best friends" and other women are drawn into their fellowship and
love and LOTS of growth begins to happen.
THE ART OF LISTENING
HEARING:
Can be half-hearted, mind wandering, thinking about what you are going to say
LISTENING:
Be attentive. It builds relationships.
MIRROR BACK WHAT YOU’VE HEARD:
“I’m hearing you say……”
It helps you make sure that what they wanted to communicate and you have heard are the same things.
Sometimes we want to “get it over quick” and give them an answer. This relieves your uncomfortableness with
their vulnerability, gives you affirmation for having the “right answer,” but doesn’t necessary fix the problem.
(More later on what to do)
People with deep hurts often fall into the habit of re-telling their troubles and pains. You help them stay stuck if
you let them fall into this pattern with you. If there is no small step they can take right now, say, “We’ve talked
about this before and I feel your pain. But it’s not good for us to go over it again. Rehearsing is akin to re-living
the pain, and makes the problem seem tougher and our faith weaker. Make a place in your journal or notebook
for “Unresolved Issues” and write down your painful issues there, the stuff you can’t change. This is a way of
telling the Lord, “I give this to You. I don’t know what to do.’ Then when you have the compelling urge to start
retelling, you can tell yourself, ‘I’ve already written that under “Unresolved Issues”…so it’s in the Lord’s hands.’”
One way our minds are renewed and we can change the direction of our thinking is by deciding “I won’t go there
anymore.” It is powerful. After someone shares about a painful relationship or family crisis you can respond, “It
sounds like you’re saying you’re feeling hopeless.” Empathize and pray for increase of hope and give reassurance, “I know the Lord will see you through this. He WILL direct your path, and give you His wisdom and strength
as we look to Him together each week.”
QUESTIONS THAT CRITICIZE





“Why did you….?”
“Why didn’t you…..?”
“Couldn’t you have….?”
“Did you think of doing….?”
“You haven’t made that phone call yet???”
QUESTIONS THAT GIVE VALUE
Learn to ask these questions in place of the ones that seem critical:

“What do you think?”
When she wants your advice, ask her first, “What do YOU think? Give time for her to listen to herself
AND THE LORD. There will probably be a short time of silence. Endure it!! She may be avoiding the risk
of taking responsibility by seeking your advice. Like a wounded bird… “I’m helpless…please help!!”
Help them exercise their spiritual muscle by returning a question with a question.

“Is this an unresolved issue?”
…or is there a small step you can take right now? If there is no small step, put it in the unresolved issues
because there isn’t anything she CAN do right now. But she CAN make the choice to put it in God’s
hands and practice NOT WORRYING by doing what is AT HAND TO DO in an area of her life unrelated to
the problem.

“Can you tell us what you are feeling?”
Our feelings can direct us to our real need. Lonely? Powerless? Angry? Fearful? (Anger is usually a secondary emotion that covers up our fears.) Expressing the feeling gets it out so she can be changed by
your groups love and acceptance and prayer, even if there is nothing at present she can do about it.
Recognize what you are feeling so you are able to stay tuned to the Lord
SYMPATHY: (Not so good)
Say, “You poor thing. This is really tough. No wonder you’re so torn up.” Sympathetic responses make you the
doorkeeper to self-pity.
EMPATHY (better)
Says, “I’m here and I really care.” It strengthens and encourages the woman in her faith.
COMPASSION: (Best)
It goes beyond sympathy and empathy. Jesus was “moved with compassion.” It goes beyond your usual limits
and faith for her rises up within you. Ask the Lord for His perspective and trust what the Lord gives you to share,
and stop there or you will easily slip into unhelpful sympathy. Allow the words you have for her to take up residence within her.
IF THESE PRINCIPLES ARE PRACTICED, YOU WILL BE COME MUCH BETTER AT HEARING CLEARLY WHAT THE
WOMEN ARE SAYING, AND HEARING WHAT THE HOLY SPIRIT WANTS TO GIVE YOU IN RESPONSE.
WORKSHEET
SECTION
HOW TO GET STARTED: SETTING GOALS





Share as much of your testimony and life as you feel comfortable sharing and ask them to share theirs.
Discuss each of your goals and the format that you would each like for the relationship.
Establish when, where, and how often you will meet or have contact with each other.
Emphasize the commitment that you are each making to the relationship, i.e. 4-6 months’ time frame
(then re-evaluate or end).
Agree that you will both be flexible but accountable.
HAVE THEM TAKE HOME THE GOALS WORKSHEETS AND FILL THEM OUT FOR YOUR NEXT MEETING




Getting to Know You
Dreaming Big
Life Goals Inventory
Positive/Negative Characteristics
These sheets will help you explore ways to determine what goals you want to accomplish. Plan to go over them
at your second meeting.
CLOSE IN PRAYER AND SET UP YOUR NEXT MEETING.
GO OVER THE WORKSHEETS THEY HAVE FILLED OUT.
BRAINSTORM:
What are your dreams and wishes for the future? Pick one that they have written down to work on. What steps
would you have to go through to accomplish that dream? Work together to set up those necessary steps.
How about their weaknesses? What are some areas they have struggled in? Which area needs the most work
right NOW? What area would her friends/family say she needs work in?
PRIORITIZE YOUR GOALS AND IDEAS:
Number your goals in order of importance. What would you like to work on FIRST? What do you NEED to work
on first? If you can't decide, just pick something and get started.
GO THROUGH THE RESOURCE SECTION FOR BOOKS AND ACTIVITIES THAT WOULD
HELP YOUR GOALS:
You may also have a lot of ideas from your own experiences.
Getting To Know You Worksheet
PURPOSE:
1.
To become more aware of who I am in Christ and of who He wants me to become.
WHAT PROMPTED YOU TO SEEK MENTORING? Saw something in another woman you
wanted in yourself? Crisis in your life? Dissatisfaction with your spiritual growth? Troubled relationship?
2.
WHAT QUALITIES DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF? This isn’t an exercise in selfcenteredness but an acknowledgement of who you already are in Christ—“Thinking on what is good” —Phil. 4:8
3.
WHAT THINGS DON’T YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF? Write down the areas you struggle in
and how you would like things to be.
4.
GO THROUGH THE LIST OF RESOURCES IN THIS PACKET for ideas of books and activities
you would enjoy. Make a list here.
The next page has questions to help you dig deeper into sorting out what you would like to walk
through in this next season of your life. Some questions say the same thing just in a different way to
provoke you to seek what the Lord has for you.















If you could change 3 things about yourself, what would they be?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What is the best thing you do?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What makes you different than other people around you?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Are you restored by being with others or by being alone? Are you taking time to be restored?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What are you curious about? What excites you?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What is a secret desire of yours? Are you pursuing it? If not, Why?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What has been your biggest challenge recently?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What has been your biggest success up until now?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What does your perfect day look like?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What is one thing you would change if you had to do it over?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
How do you want to be remembered?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Is there anything you can’t let go of but know you should?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Is there a tension in your life that needs attention?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
If you could do anything right now what you would do? Are you doing it right now?
If not, Why? __________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
With your current struggle, (and in light of your past, current situation or future hopes and dreams) do
you know what is the wisest thing to do?___________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
This is not a pass or fail worksheet! It's meant to affirm who you are and to acknowledge your struggles.
Being mentored will give you vision and direction for your future. Do stretch yourself by responding to
these questions…but don't stress yourself. Take what you have done, finished or not, when you meet
with your mentor. Your mentor has been chosen for you by the Holy Spirit. Welcome her leadership… enjoy your relationship with her. Getting to know each other will be her first priority.
DREAMING BIG WORKSHEET
Use this Worksheet to explore your dreams and identify some of your goals.
PURPOSE: to increase your vision for God’s possibilities within you.
Think about and then write down your dreams… don’t analyze how you can make these things happen!
You’re dreaming… so dream big…. you have a BIG GOD and He desires to bless you.
Again this Worksheet is not pass or fail, but it is a means for you to explore your life and look to your future.
The scriptures tell us that “without a vision the people perish.” That could be paraphrased to say “they lose
sight of where they're headed.” Dreams are like roadmaps.
If you don’t know where to begin, don’t worry. The Life Goals Inventory in your packet is a good tool for getting
your creative juices flowing.
Life Goals Inventory
®
A life without properly set Godly goals is often vain and empty (Ecc 1:14). Moving toward and achieving properly
set godly goals brings hope, joy, satisfaction and growth. Ask yourself the leading question in each category. The
answer is either “Yes” or “No”. If the answer is “No” then establish some goals by answering the remaining
questions for that category.
This inventory is designed to have you look at how you spend your time. List the activities you are already involved in and how much time you spend each week in these activities. Then list activities you may wish to be
more involved in or even less involved. What do you want to become? What do you dream of doing, achieving?
How would you improve what you are doing now? As you describe your goals and dreams, don't allow the lack
of money, time or even talent to stop you from writing about your desires.
“With God all things are possible.” Mark 10:27b
Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man.” Luke 2:52
Your personal development will cause you to grow in wisdom, stature and favor as well. You will experience new
joy and fulfillment because you are becoming more like Him in thought (renewed mind) and action (service).
Consciously being led more and more by the Holy Spirit and living purposefully (making godly choices) develops
godly character.
SPIRITUAL GROWTH:
Is my walk with the Lord and my spiritual growth sufficiently attended to?
 Time with the Lord, private Bible study, prayer, worship, attending church and home fellowship, Bible
studies, mentoring or being mentored, start a ministry, graduate seminary, use your spiritual gifts to
serve other, fellowship, outreach to nonbelievers.
HEALTH:
Am I taking sufficient responsibility for my ongoing health?
 Exercise, nutrition, weight, stress reduction, adequate sleep, emotional health, medical exams, etc.
ONGOING EDUCATION:
Is my intellect and knowledge base sufficiently developed for my age and calling?
 What would I like to achieve or learn more about? Languages, sciences, skills, degrees, credentials, etc.
 Continuing education through personal reading, school, correspondence courses, seminars, mentoring,
etc.
RECREATION/ARTISTIC & CREATIVE:
Am I fully addressing my need for refreshing and self-expression?
 Leisure time activities: travel, sports, reading, vacations, concerts, painting, playing a musical instrument, singing, gardening, cooking, etc.
WORK PRODUCTION:
Am I satisfied with my work habits, production and depth of commitment?
 Improvements, additions or cutbacks needed in: my regular work, business, ministry, housework, projects, home schooling, and volunteer activities.
FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT:
Am I responsibly managing my current and future financial affairs?
 Needed budgeting steps, bill paying procedure, credit improvement, tithing, savings plan, help children
buy housing, start a business, save for a house, get needed education on economics, investments, real
estate, etc.
‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And,
‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Luke 10:27
FAMILY:
Am I making nurturing family relationships a high priority?
 One-on-one with spouse, children, siblings, and as family unit; spiritual growth, church related activities; joining the family and supporting them in their areas of interest, recreational outings. Planning
children’s upbringing and education, developing children’s interest in reading and creativity, help them
recognize and develop their gifting, etc. Keeping in touch with extended family.
FRIENDS:
Am I developing and maintaining a healthy life of personal fellowship and service?
 Planned times in person, keeping in touch by phone, letters, cards, emails, other ways of extending
care in times of distress.
WORK/MINISTRY/NEIGHBORHOOD RELATIONSHIPS:
Am I developing caring relationships in these areas?
 Ways I purposefully build relationships: neighborhood service, help with a project, inviting neighbors to
lunch, etc.
I say, "Keep the command of the king because of the oath before God.” Ecclesiastes 8:2
POLITICAL, CIVIC & COMMUNITY AFFAIRS:
As a responsible citizen am I sufficiently informed or involved?
 Actively involved in education issues, stay informed on political and civic affairs and get involved in issues of concern, study ballot issues and vote, neighborhood watch, visiting rest homes, involvement in
youth activities, etc.
WORLD AFFAIRS:
Do I stay aware of and sufficiently informed on world affairs?
 Stay informed of world events, identify countries and/or causes I might be interested in supporting.
IN HIS PRESENCE, YOUR NEGATIVE TRAITS CAN BECOME POSITIVE
QUALITIES
Jumpiness, quick criticism, jumpiness, presumptuous, inquisitiveness __________________________ Alertness
Gullible, status seeking, socially preoccupied, spineless _____________________________________ Amiability
Pickiness, fussiness, pettiness, over attention to detail ______________________________________Analytical
Selfish competition, vain ambition, scheming _____________________________________________ Aspiration
Gushy sentimentalism, undiscerning empathy, taking up offenses ___________________________Compassion
Conceited, cocky, overbearing ________________________________________________________ Confidence
Compromising, conniving, lacking initiative __________________________________________Cooperativeness
Recklessness, brashness, brazenness _____________________________________________________Courage
Self-Conscious, social stiffness, superficial flattery __________________________________________Courtesy
Mischievous, crafty day-dreaming, devious _______________________________________________Creativity
Inflexibility, ruthlessness, dominance _________________________________________________ Decisiveness
Slavishness, one-track mindedness, selfishly industrious _____________________________________ Diligence
Snoopiness, judgmental, critical, fault-finding ___________________________________________Discernment
Rigidness, harshness, overbearing, tyrannical _____________________________________________ Discipline
Over-cautiousness, secretiveness, timidness, undue carefulness ______________________________Discretion
Nervous meticulousness, over-conscientiousness, over-seriousness __________________________Earnestness
Perfectionism, fussiness, rigidness, impatience ____________________________________________ Efficiency
Fanatical, over-bearing, over-wrought, aggressive ________________________________________ Enthusiasm
Wordy, glib, vociferous, melodramatic _______________________________________________Expressiveness
Indecisive, indiscriminate, undiscerning ____________________________________________ Fair-Mindedness
Wishy-washiness, indecisiveness, spinelessness ____________________________________________Flexibility
Irresponsible leniency, permissiveness, irresponsibility, weakness ___________________________Forgiveness
Tactless, insensitive, undiplomatic, disrespectful __________________________________________ Frankness
Stingy, miserly, penny-pinching _________________________________________________________ Frugality
Extravagance, spend-thriftiness, wastefulness, squandering _________________________________Generosity
Flattery, gushiness, extravagant generosity _____________________________________________Gratefulness
Outspokenness, bluntness, brutality, indiscretion ___________________________________________ Honesty
Ingratiating, social climbing, cliquish ____________________________________________________Hospitality
Self-abasement, extreme self-criticism, lack of self-confidence _________________________________Humility
Possessiveness, idol worship, blind obedience, undue attachment _______________________________Loyalty
Perfectionism, over-meticulousness, intolerance, stiffness ___________________________________ Neatness
Insensitivity, cold calculation, unloving __________________________________________________Objectivity
Indifferent, permissive, disinterested _____________________________________________________Patience
Stubbornness, inflexibility, self-willed, headstrong ________________________________________Persistence
Smooth talking, high pressure tactics, pushiness _______________________________________Persuasiveness
Intolerance, impatience with tardiness _________________________________________________ Punctuality
Single-mindedness, intolerance, inflexibility ______________________________________________Purposeful
Idol workshop, debilitating subservience _____________________________________________Respectfulness
Hardheadedness, closed mindedness, stubbornness _____________________________________Resoluteness
Over-independence, manipulating, scheming calculation _______________________________Resourcefulness
Touchiness, easily offended, emotional __________________________________________________Sensitivity
Gullibility, over-seriousness, impulsiveness ________________________________________________Sincerity
THINGS TO DO TOGETHER
LEARN A SKILL TOGETHER:
Take a short term class at the community college and learn to sew, upholster, play an instrument…whatever
would interest you both. The girls need to learn to cook. Most don’t know how, you can make dinner and have
your mentee help or have her plan a meal, go shopping together, and make it at your home.
EXERCISE TOGETHER WHILE YOU TALK:



Walk around Lake Murray
Walk up Cowles Mountain
Go to the gym, side by side treadmills
IF YOU NEED TO RUN A LOT OF ERRANDS, HAVE HER GO WITH YOU:
Life is busy and she may have to just fit into yours at this season.
TAKE A PICNIC AND THE KIDS TO THE PARK:
They can play on the playground while you talk with your mentee.
READ A BOOK TOGETHER:
It gives you a lot to discuss and gives ideas you might not have thought about that are applicable to girls their
age. (The Resource Section has lots of ideas for particular age groups.)
MEET AT A RESTAURANT FOR A MEAL AND TALK
MOVE YOUR MENTEE TOWARD THE GOAL OF SERVICE SOMEWHERE IN THE CHURCH:
They will grow tremendously and you will have more to talk about. If you teach Sunday School or have a shift at
Youth Venture, invite them to join you.
ALL ACTIVITIES DO NOT NEED TO BE SPIRITUAL
You will learn much about the person as you just spend time together.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SPIRITUAL GOALS INCLUDED, HOWEVER:



Try to get your mentee involved in a small group within the church
They need friends and you don’t want them completely dependent on you.
Find out if they are afraid of small group setting (especially applies to younger girls – high school, jr.
high). Work on overcoming that if it applies. They need to be accountable and grow with friends their
age. If they are shy, work them into seeing the need for that involvement over the next few months.
Don’t pressure too hard.
PRAY TOGETHER
This should happen every time if possible. You may end up doing all the praying at the beginning. That’s o.k. As
she feels more comfortable, let her add in. Keep is simple, pointed, and short. Teach her how to pray.
BE LED OF THE HOLY SPIRIT
This happens when you pray for your mentee outside of your time together. Expect God to lead you.
HAVE LOTS OF FUN AND LAUGH ALOT
Have fun and just share your life. Don't set such strenuous goals that it becomes work and no fun. You can only
give out of your own experiences with God. Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know. Let’s ask someone else about
that thing.” Refer to professional counselor if needed. You are NOT expected to be one. Refer to the last page of
this manual for crisis counseling references.
RESOURCE
SECTION
High School Mentoring Resources
GIRL TALK: HOPE, HUMOR AND HOT TOPICS FOR THE YOUNG HEART by Sheri Rose Shepherd
With tenderness and transparency, Sheri Rose Shephard (former Mrs. United States) shares Fun Quizzes, beauty secrets, the unwritten “Rules” of friendship and life-changing stories that will equip you with what you need
for the challenges girls face today. Highly recommended by girls already mentoring jr & sr high school girls
at Foothills.
LOVE SEX AND GOD by Bill Ameiss and Jane Graver
For ages 14-adult.This is the sequel to Sex and the New You for younger ages. This tackles tough questions
with practical wisdom. Teens are bombarded with half-truths and myths every day. Here is and up-to-date
information the covers everything from sexual systems to AIDS and STD’s. It helps teens think through their
“everybody’s doing it” standard in relation to their personal values and worth as God’s children.
LIFE ON THE EDGE: A YOUNG ADULT’S GUIDE TO A MEANINGFUL FUTURE by Dr. James Dobson
This is a book that helps young adults make right choices, get control of their lives, and look forward to a
meaningful future. It deals with ages 16-22, the time when the most dramatic and permanent changes in a life
occur. A person is transformed from a kid who’s still living at home and eating at the parents table, to a fullfledged adult who should be earning a living and taking complete charge of his or her life.
BLOOM: A GIRL’S GUIDE TO GROWING UP by Susie Shellenberger
This book will help you find straightforward, honest answers to all your questions about becoming a woman—
physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational. Filled with engaging questions, fun quizzes and Q & A section. It
does not skip over tough topics that our daughters are facing. Topics include: Being a Woman, Dating and Relating, Home and School, Grow Your Soul, Media Matters, Money Matters,Tough Stuff. This has more depth
and deals with more troubled areas than Girl Talk (above).
THE CASE FOR FAITH STUDENT VERSION by Lee Strobel
Many people grapple with serious concerns about faith in God. This book is for those who may be feeling
attracted to Jesus but who are faced with intellectual barriers standing squarely in their path. For Christians,
this book will deepen their convictions and give them fresh confidence in discussing Christianity with even
their most skeptical friends.
Young Adult Resources
LIFE ON THE EDGE by James Dobson
Filled with great real-life stories. Written for ages 16-22 to help with the decision they must make during
those critical years. Discusses dating, finances, schooling, parents, loneliness, abilities and future goals. Shows
how foolishness during these years can make for a lifetime of regret.
KISSED THE GIRLS AND MADE THEM CRY by Lisa Bevere
Women are admitting promiscuity isn’t really getting them what they wanted after all—because as women
we always stand to lose so much more than men when we give in. Men love adventure and intrigue while
women crave intimacy, romance, and passion. This book restores dignity, honor, strength, and power to generations of women who are no longer willing to lose.
BOUNDARIES IN DATING by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
Between singleness and marriage lies the journey of dating. Want to make your road as smooth as possible?
Set and maintain healthy boundaries—boundaries that will help you grow in freedom, honesty, and selfcontrol.
CHOOSING GOD’S BEST by Don Raunikar
If dating is so wonderful, why does it hurt so much? Perhaps you wanted to find your marriage partner God’s
way but failed. Or you never fully understood what God’s way was. Or maybe you’re a new Christian and this is
one part of your life you’ve just recently decided to put in God’s hands. This book will help you understand
what plans God has for your life now.
MERE CHRISTIANITY by C.S. Lewis
Written to help Christians see that their faith is reasonable and answers all the tough questions life throws
at them. C.S.Lewis provides an unequaled opportunity for believers and non-believers alike to hear a powerful, rational case for the Christian faith.
LIES WOMEN BELIEVE AND THE TRUTH THAT SETS THEM FREE by Nancy DeMoss
In this book, Nancy exposes those areas of deception most commonly believed by Christian women: Lies about
themselves, sin, marriage, emotions, and circumstances. She sheds light on how we can be delivered from bondage and set free to walk in God’s grace, forgiveness, and abundant life. There is a companion guide called Walking in the Truth. It is a great workbook to go along with the reading in Lies Women Believe.
SEARCH FOR SIGNIFICANCE by Robert S. McGee
This is a 12 week study (in workbook form) that will enable you to base your self-worth on the love, acceptance,
and forgiveness of Jesus Christ and not on the world’s standards, such as the approval of others of the ability of
succeed at certain tasks. It addresses and breaks four false beliefs about yourself that result in painful emotions
affecting your ability to see yourself as Christ sees you.
CAPTIVATING: UNVEILING OF THE MYSTERY OF A WOMAN’S SOUL by John and Stasi Eldredge
Eve, also, bears the image of God. She speaks things about God that only a woman can speak. Through women
we see that relationship matters so much to Him. That He is Beauty, through and through. Tenderness and mercy. Fierce devotion. That God loves Romance, and adventures to share!
KICK THE BABY OFF THE CLIFF by Karen Wourms
How we talk to ourselves tremendously affects our state of mind. Ungodly self-talk is on the rampage in the
Body of Christ, ravaging well-intentioned Christians, weakening their power, and self-sabotaging their effectiveness to live healthy and spiritually-satisfying lives. God's desire is for you to experience His peace which
can ONLY be obtained if you learn to walk constantly in Godly self-talk.
THE MEASURE OF A WOMAN by Lisa Bevere
This book exposes the subtle influences and blatant lies that hold many women captive. It displaces these lies
and helps you discover who you are in Christ so that you can stop comparing yourself to others and begin to see
yourself as God sees you.
TOPIC SPECIFIC BOOKS
ROMANCING YOUR HUSBAND by Debra White Smith
Early days in a relationship are exhilarating but they can’t touch on the thrilling love affair you can have years down
the road. Cutting through traditional misconceptions and exploring every facet of the Bible’s message on marriage,
Romancing Your Husband reveals how you can create a union others can only dream about.
INTIMATE ISSUES by Dillow and Pintus
Dealing with sexual issues in a marriage and understanding each partners needs as men and women.
HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS by William F. Harley Jr.
Using a conversational style, Dr. Harley helps couples understand why their best intentions are not enough to prevent
marital incompatibility. Couples must do more than want to meet each other's needs--they must actually meet them!
WILD AT HEART by John Eldredge
Helps women discover the secret of a man’s soul and begin to understand how God made him with adventure and
wildness at the core. Funny, helpful stories of real life situation and working through the differences in a marriage.
LOVE & RESPECT by Emerson Eggerichs
A wife has one driving need - to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need - to
feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy.
LAUGH YOUR WAY TO A BETTER MARRIAGE by Mark Gungor
A book that helps couples get along and have fun along the way. Using blunt honesty and humor, Mark Gungor explores a variety of topics. He teaches couples skills they need if they want to bring their marriage to a higher level of
intimacy.
BELOVED UNBELIEVER by Jo Berry
It Is Possible to Love Your Husband into Salvation. Discover how with the help of women who have been there. Author
Jo Berry shares how to be a suitable helper, shoulder spiritual responsibility, and deal with hurts heartaches and hindrances. Delivering reassurance, this inspiring release will bring hope to any woman.
EQUAL YET DIFFERENT by Alexander Strauch
Written for those who are unfamiliar with the biblical passages on gender and probably will not read a lengthy technical
book on the subject.
KEEP YOUR LOVE ON: CONNECTION COMMUNICATION AND BOUNDARIES by Danny Silk
Sometimes it’s the hardest thing to do. But if you want to build healthy relationships with God and others, learning to
keep your love on is non-negotiable. Adults and children, alike, thrive in healthy relationships in which it is safe to love
and be loved, to know and be known. Yet for many, relationships are anything but safe, loving or intimate. They are defined by anxiety, manipulation, control and conflict. The reason is that most people have never been trained to be powerful enough to keep their love on in the face of mistakes, pain and fear.
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE: MANHOOD AND WOMANHOOD DEFINED ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE by John Piper
The topic of manhood and womanhood is still strongly debated today and still greatly impacts our society. For Christians
there is no doubt that the Bible must be the last word. But what does it teach about true manhood and womanhood? In
what ways are men and women essentially the same? In what ways are they essentially different? And how do these
differences affect our roles in the home, the church, and the wider society?
SACRED MARRIAGE by Gary Thomas
The title expresses a radical thought for today's marriages! Chapter by chapter, discover how marriage works to develop
Christ like character - forgiveness, love, respect, perseverance - in each of you. This book will enrich your marriage in
unexpected ways.
THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES: THE SECRET TO LOVE THAT LASTS by Gary D. Chapman
This book explains how people communicate love in different ways, and shares the wonderful things that happen when
men and women learn to speak each other's language.
THE NEW DARE TO DISCIPLINE by Dr. James Dobson
From the long hair and bell-bottoms of the Woodstock generation to the spiked hair and pierced ears of the MTV crowd,
the challenge of helping children mature into responsible adults hasn't changed.
LOVE MUST BE TOUGH by Dr. James Dobson
You’ve forgiven a thousand times. You’ve bent over backwards to make your partner feel loved and accepted. But the
only reward for your loyalty has been anger, indifference, infidelity, or abuse. Your spouse may even be ready to walk
out the door. Do you feel like all is lost? Are you ready to give up? There IS still hope! Dr. James Dobson’s “Tough Love”
principles have proven to be uniquely valuable and effective.
THE NEW STRONG WILLED CHILD by Dr. James Dobson
Children are going to challenge authority to see where their boundaries lie. But, for the strong-willed child especially,
defining those boundaries can be a full-time, frustrating task for parents.
WOMEN HOME ALONE: LEARNING TO THRIVE—HELP FOR SINGLE WOMEN, SINGLE MOMS, WIDOWS, AND WIVES WHO ARE FREQUENTLY ALONE by Patricia Sprinkle
If you're single, divorced, widowed, or married to a husband who is often away, you know the frustrations of being
alone. This book offers upbeat, hands-on guidance for self-sufficiency.
WOMEN LEAVING THE WORKPLACE: HOW TO MAKE THE TRANSITION FROM WORK TO HOME by Larry Burkett
Parents have only one chance to raise their children. If they squander that chance, most will regret it the rest of their
lives. As a financial counselor, my purpose is to help working mothers who want to stay home examine the decisions
they must make, prepare for the inevitable changes that will come, and anticipate some of the problems that may result
from their decision.
THE 10 BEST DECISIONS EVERY PARENT CAN MAKE by Bill and Pam Farrel
With real life examples and biblical inspiration, this book examines the 10 best decisions parents can make to unlock the
unique gifts inside their children, including temperament, goals, talents, spiritual development, and leadership abilities.
SAY GOODBYE TO WHINING, COMPLAINING, AND BAD ATTITUDES... IN YOU AND YOUR KIDS by Scott Turansky
It's no secret that kids' selfishness, bickering, and belligerence can dampen a happy family life. Here's a revolutionary
resource that offers an honor-based solution to bad behavior. Six ways to teach honor to your kids; a 3-step approach to
dealing with meanness; helpful suggestions for parenting skills; biblical solutions to sibling rivalry; and fun family activities help you restore peace and contentment to your home.
THE CHRISTIAN PARENTING HANDBOOK:
50 HEART-BASED STRATEGIES FOR ALL THE STAGES OF YOUR CHILD'S LIFE by Scott Turansky
No one parenting method works for all kids - so here are 50! Culling biblical strategies from thousands of families,
Turansky and Miller help you distinguish between firmness and harshness; teach children to add energy to your family
life; deal effectively with sibling conflict; and develop a personal framework for success.
SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART by Tedd Tripp
Many parenting books are based on hit-or-miss theories steeped in secular thinking. This one draws from Pastor Tripp's
seasoned experience as a father-and from God's Holy Word. Grounded in the Bible's divine plan for parenting, this guide
defines your goals as a parent and provides the Scriptural methods for accomplishing them.
GOD'S NAMES (CHILDREN DESIRING GOD) by Sally Michael
An ideal tool for parents to teach their early elementary age children about God's character expressed through his
names in the Bible. Each chapter ends with personal application and activity.
Includes helpful guide to enable parents engage in spiritual dialogue with their children, and also includes interactive
elements to maintain attention and teach.
THE PASSIONATE MOM: DARE TO PARENT IN TODAY'S WORLD by Susan Merrill
Do you ever wonder how to raise a godly child in a culture of entitled privilege and uncensored technology? Uniquely
pulling an insightful parenting plan from the Book of Nehemiah, Merrill's strategic guide will give you the "building
bricks" necessary for parenting effectively in today's world. Dare to pray, prepare, and persevere!
THE MISSION OF MOTHERHOOD: TOUCHING YOUR CHILD'S HEART FOR ETERNITY by Sally Clarkson
Do you long for your home to be life-giving and peaceful? Is it your desire to pass on a legacy of righteousness to your
children? Do you struggle to balance the duties of motherhood with a loving relationship with your children? Would
you like creative ideas for keeping your child’s heart open to you and to the Lord? By catching a vision of God’s original
design and allowing it to shape your life, you can rediscover the joy and fulfillment to be found in the strategic role to
which God in all his wisdom has called you, for a purpose far greater than you can ever imagine.
ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN by Mark Hoffman
This is a book about the Kingdom of God. Ever since Jesus came to Earth, this Kingdom with its power and supply has
been powerfully working through those who have understood it.
THE FEAR OF THE LORD by David Hoffman
This book will challenge and assist you to grow in spiritual maturity. A special study guide is included. With a surrendered will, and a biblical fear of the Lord, His promises will come alive as you read this book, bringing enlightenment
and wisdom into your life
PRAYER WILL CHANGE YOUR WORLD by David Hoffman
In this book you will find out why Dave has come to know that prayer is the single most important activity in the Christian life. Every major revival of God was preceded by diligent daily prayer. This book delivers a practical how to manual,
on the power of prayer, how it brings God’s influence, power, healing, strength, wisdom and peace into our daily lives.
UNLOCKING THE KINGDOM by Mark Hoffman
This book will give you the principles that are the blueprint for how life works and the secret to transforming your life
and world. There is an invisible realm charged with God’s power and superabundance called the Kingdom of God. It is
available to those who seek it. Jesus taught His followers the keys to unlocking the power of this kingdom
CALL TO DISCIPLESHIP by Juan Carlos Ortiz
There is a cost to following Christ. Salvation is full and free, yet a genuine work of salvation is evidenced in a
changed life. A life that is lived in utter devotion and passion for Christ.
ORDERING YOUR PRIVATE WORLD by George MacDonald
One of the great battlegrounds of the new century is within the private world of the individual. The values of our Western culture incline us to believe that the busy, publicly-active person in ministry is also the most spiritual. Our massive
responsibilities at home, work, and church have resulted in a lot of good people on the verge of collapse. George MacDonald equips a new generation to live life from the inside out, cultivating the inner victory necessary for public effectiveness.
WAKING THE DEAD by John Eldredge
Waking the heart out of the dullness and complacency that the world can put it in, helps you find the abundant life
the Bible talks about and see the fierce battle for your heart by God
THE BAIT OF SATAN by John Bevere
Are you ensnared by bitterness, seized by anger, or held captive by resentment . . . all because someone has offended
you? Bevere shows you how to escape Satan's grip, avoid a victim mentality, practice forgiveness, experience reconciliation, and remain free in Christ.
BELIEVING GOD by Beth Moore
If God is who He says He is and can indeed do what He says He can do, why are so many Christians living mediocre lives?
Beth Moore thinks that there is a simple answer to this question: unbelief. Therefore, in Believing God she challenges us
to take God at his word, believe His promises and, as a result, live fuller lives.
EXPERIENCING GOD: KNOWING AND DOING THE WILL OF GOD by Blackaby & King
The modern classic that has helped millions worldwide experience the height, depth, and breadth of God's love is now
even better!
DEBT FREE LIVING: HOW TO GET OUT OF DEBT AND STAY OUT by Larry Burkett
This book reflects today's changing realities and timeless biblical truths! Offering tips on trimming expenses, escaping
the debt cycle, and finding viable alternatives to dangerous sources of credit, Burkett's trusted resource helps you break
bad habits and develop a lifestyle of financial freedom!
FORGIVING OUR PARENTS FORGIVING OURSELVES by Dr. David Stoop
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family or work with those who have, this book will help you liberate yourself or others
from the chains that bind. Explore family patterns that perpetuate dysfunction by constructing a "psychological family
tree" that uncovers habits and family secrets that have shaped your family identity. Move beyond behaviors that hurt
yourself and those you love, forgive the past, and learn to live in freedom and wholeness.
WHEN GOD DOESN’T MAKE SENSE by Dr. James Dobson
Cancer strikes. Your spouse wants a divorce. You lose your job. When life seems unfair, it's tempting to ask "Where is
God when I need him?" Offering a healthy dose of encouragement, Dobson assures us that God is still with us even
though our pain blinds us to his presence.
WAITING ON GOD by Andrew Murray
How often the "busyness" of life can creep up and overwhelm us. Rather than depending upon our own strength, as
Christians, it is our privileged birthright to enter into a daily time of reverent meditation and silence, waiting only upon
God for His answers to our problems, His direction in our lives, and, most importantly, His awesome presence refreshing
our spirits and teaching us more about Himself.
SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES FOR THE CHRISTIAN LIFE by Donald Whitney
Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life will provide you with a refreshing opportunity to embrace life's greatest pursuit, the pursuit of holiness, through a lifelong delight in the disciplines of Scripture reading, prayer, worship, Scripture
meditation, evangelism, serving, stewardship, Scripture application, fasting, silence and solitude, journaling, and learning.
SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE by Kenneth C. Haugk
What does it mean to live assertively? What does it look like for us as Christians to be assertive in our daily lives? This
book gives clear and helpful answers to these questions, explores the biblical foundation for assertiveness and offers
encouragement to help you be caringly direct and open in your relationships with others.
WHEN I LAY MY ISAAC DOWN by Carol Kent
When God calls us to lay down the place, ministry or even the person we love most on the sacrificial altar, how will we
respond? When her only son committed murder, Carol Kent was forced to lay the person she valued most, or her
"Isaac," in the hands of God and to trust her Isaac to His caring hands. If you or someone you love is in the process of
laying down an "Isaac," you will find Carol's heart-wrenching story and godly guidance absolutely indispensable.
WITH CHRIST IN THE SCHOOL OF PRAYER by Andrew Murray
Immerse yourself in this timeless classic and prepare yourself for one of the most vital ministries believers can experience---intercessory prayer! Using Jesus' teaching on prayer as a model, Murray begins at the elementary level and leads
you step by step through 31 lessons to the heights of faith-empowered prayer.
PRINCIPLES OF PRAYER by Charles Finney
Charles Finney's ministry rolled like a spiritual shock wave across the American landscape in the nineteenth century. He
attributed his effectiveness in large part to prayer. This book provides a 40-day devotional study for people desiring to
pray with power and see results.
SACRED ROMANCE by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis
Eldredge and Curtis identify the lies offered by "false loves" and instruct us on the journey back to the Lover of our souls.
"It is possible to recover the lost life of our heart and with it the intimacy, beauty, and adventure of life with God."
BIBLICAL FOUNDATIONS FOR FREEDOM: DESTROYING SATAN'S LIES WITH GOD'S TRUTH by Arthur Mathias
As Christians, we have an active part to play in this temporal life. Our part is to obey the Lord. When we choose to live
the way God commands, He delights in blessing us. This book will show you how to apply scriptural truths to your life
through repentance and forgiveness. Herein is shared knowledge and understanding to change your life by bringing you
closer to God and providing you the tools to change your life, heal your diseases and restore wounded relationships.
TRUTH SEEKERS by Sid Roth and Mike Shreve
You will be inspired by these ten amazing stories of seekers who walked different paths in life, yet shared one common
passion-LOVE FOR THE TRUTH. They all desired lasting answers. They all knew that religion alone could never satisfy
their spiritual thirst. They longed for supernatural revelation-transformation-ultimate reality
TABLE FOR TWO: DOING LIFE AND SAVORING SCRIPTURE TOGETHER by Amy Kendrick Pierson and Mona Corwin
This book provides a basic framework for how to disciple and mentor girls, but it also provides a starting point for this
process by teaching girls a basic way to study the Bible. Instead of spoon-feeding truth to girls, leaders will be equipped
and challenged to lead girls to explore and discover principles in God's Word for themselves.
CHANGED: MAKING SENSE OF YOUR OWN OR A LOVED ONE’S ABORTION EXPERIENCES by Michaelene Fredenburg
Whether you have personally experienced abortion, someone close to you has, or you are seeking to sensitively and
compassionately communicate with others about abortion- this book is a safe place to begin.
TRUE WOMAN 101:
DIVINE DESIGN, AN 8 WEEK STUDY ON BIBLICAL WOMANHOOD by Mary A. Kassian and Nancy Leigh DeMoss
What does it mean to be a "true woman"? Arguing against a cultural paradigm encouraging females to be strident, sexual, self-centered, independent, and in control? This book offers a divine, biblical vision. Dig into the heart of true manhood and womenhood, and discover the beauty of being exactly who God created you to be.
GENERATION EX-CHRISTIAN:
WHY YOUNG ADULTS ARE LEAVING THE FAITH AND HOW TO BRING THEM BACK by Drew Dyck
Young people today are not just sprinting away from the church, but they're leaving the faith as well! Drawing on recent
research and in-depth interviews, Dyck identifies seven categories of "leavers"; offers advice on how to connect with
each type; reveals communication land mines to avoid; and equips you to reawaken the prodigal's desire for God.
THE HIDDEN POWER OF PRAYER AND FASTING by Mahesh Chavada
God has provided a way to turn certain defeat into awesome victory---and demonic strongholds into highways of His
love and power. When defeat looks you in the face, The Hidden Power of Prayer and Fasting gives you the power to unlock the Holy Spirit within you!
FREEDOM THROUGH FORGIVENESS by Nathan Daniel
This book is written to the person suffering with problems like depression, loneliness, financial pressures, rejection and
more. Nathan reveals the secret of how a person can become trapped in a prison due to unforgiveness and anger.
WHO SWITCHED OFF MY BRAIN by Caroline Leaf
Learn how toxic thoughts are like poison and how to identify “The Dirty Dozen,” - twelve areas of toxic thinking in our
lives. Sweep away “The Dirty Dozen” by breaking the cycle of toxic thinking. Uncover how your thoughts can actually
start to improve every area of your life – your relationships, your health and even your success.
PURE DESIRE by Ted Roberts
Discover how one man's battle with sexual temptation can help you, and those you love, break free. Sharing his personal
story of struggle and victory, Roberts tackles the difficult issues of sexual addiction and pornography. Discover how his
proven plan can lead you out of sin's shadows into the healing light of Christ's love.
THE CONTROL TRAP by Barbara Sullivan
A women's guide to freedom from the need to manage people and circumstances through trusting God's sovereign
grace. The results are transforming.
THE FINAL QUEST by Rick Joyner
The Final Quest by Rick Joyner is based on a prophetic dream he had in early 1995. This revelation deals with the reality
of the great spiritual battle which surrounds believers.
WHO MOVED MY CHEESE:
AN AMAZING WAY TO DEAL WITH CHANGE IN YOUR WORK AND IN YOUR LIFE by Dr. Spencer Johnson
Who Moved My Cheese? takes the fear and anxiety out of managing the future and shows us a simple way to successfully deal with the changing times, providing us with a method for moving ahead with our work and lives safely and effectively.
LEADING WOMEN WHO WOUND by Sue Edwards and Kelley Mathews
Conflict is a common problem in ministry. How do you deal with the emotional fallout when women are insensitive, manipulative, or just plain mean? This book offers practical strategies for effectively dealing with clashes. Discover how to
engage in self-examination, identify potential sources of conflict, bring about equitable resolutions, and more.
THE CURE: WHAT IF GOD ISN'T WHO YOU THINK HE IS AND NEITHER ARE YOU? By Bill Thrall
The Cure offers an authentic experience in Christ that frees some from a self-rewarded righteousness, and others from a
beaten down striving for a righteousness they can never seem to attain. The Cure infuses a relational theology of grace
and identity, which alone can heal, free and create sustainable, genuine, loving, life-giving communities.
HINDS' FEET ON HIGH PLACES by Hannah Hurnard
Hinds' Feet on High Places is one of the most successful works of Christian fiction. It is an allegory of the Christian life
from salvation through maturity. It shows how the Christian is transformed from unbeliever to immature believer to mature believer, who walks daily with his/her Lord as easily on the High Places of Joy in the spirit as in the daily life of the
mundane and often-times humiliating trials that tempt us to lose perspective of who we now are in Christ.
JESUS MANIFESTO: RESTORING THE SUPREMACY AND SOVEREIGNTY OF JESUS CHRIST by Leonard Sweet
Has your love for Jesus waned? Has He become too familiar to you? What's the difference between serving the Lord and
having the Lord serve through you? Are you upset by the shallow state of Christianity today? Do you want your love for
Christ to be so breathtaking that everything else that captures your heart is blown away? If yes, then you'll want to read
this stunning unveiling of Jesus that will reawaken your first love.
THE BIPOLAR DISORDER SURVIVAL GUIDE, 2ND EDITION:
WHAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY NEED TO KNOW by David J. Miklowitz, PhD
Getting an accurate diagnosis is the first step toward reclaiming your life from bipolar disorder. But if you or someone
you love is struggling with the frantic highs and crushing lows of this illness, there are still many hurdles to surmount at
home, at work, and in daily life. You need current information and practical problem-solving advice you can count on.
You've come to the right place.
IN HIS OWN IMAGE: WE ARE WONDERFULLY MADE by Arthur Mathias
Disease is one of the strongest motivations to begin exploring the deeper meanings of life. When we are sick, we ask
"why?" The most common response is to blame God, someone else, or something else for our suffering. I would suggest
a paradigm shift in our thinking and consider the question, "Is there a connection between behavior, attitudes, thoughts,
emotions and disease? The purpose of this book is to shed new light on this subject from secular viewpoints of psychoneuroimmunology, immunology and endocrinology, and also from scripture.
A GROUP LEADER IS NOT A CRISIS COUNSELOR
Remember that mentors are NOT crisis counselors or therapists. When a mentee demonstrates excessive need or behaviors of concern, it might be time to refer them to someone with special training. As Christians we have the temptation to try to handle the situation for too long which may interfere with the mentor receiving the care she really needs.
Even if the mentee is not in crisis but has needs that you cannot meet, and is open to referrals, below are some recourses that might be helpful as you help them move forward.
THESE ARE MINISTRIES THAT CAN PROVIDE HEALING FOR YOU IN SPECIFIC AREAS:






Forgiveness Workshop
Divorce Care
Grief Share
Women with Childhood Abuse
Foothills Healing Center
Women’s Counseling

Restoration Ministries
Michell Cook 619-442-7728
Michell Cook 619-442-7728
Laverne Mimms 619-749-4456
Nora Klemenz 619-994-5989
Jim Deyling 442-7728
Karen Wourms 619-277-0069
Judi Bizzell 813-9592
Brian Storm 760-239-1450