Question 3 - Duplin County Schools

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Question3
(Suggestedtime-4O minutes. This question counts one-third of the total essaysection score.)
In the following passageNancy Mairs, who has multiple sclerosis,calls herselfa "cripple." Read the passagecarefully.
Then write an essayin which you analyzehow Mairs presentsherselfin this passage.In addition to discussingthe
significanceof Mairs' choice of the word "cripple" to name herself you should consider such rhetorical featuresas
tone. word choice. and rhetorical structure.
Line
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I am a cripple. I choosethis word to name me. I
choose from among severalpossibilities,the most
common of which are "handicapped" and "disabled." I
made the choice a number of yearsago, without
thinking, unaware of my motives for doing so. Even
now, I'm not sure what those motives are, but I recognize that they are complex and not entirely flattering.
People-crippled or not-wince at the word "cripple,"
as they do not at "handicapped" or "disabled."
PerhapsI want them to wince. I want them to seeme
as a tough customer, one to whom the fates/gods/
viruseshave not been kind, but who can face the brutal
truth of her existencesquarely.As a cripple, I swagger.
But, to be fair to myself, a certain amount of
honesty underliesmy choice. "Cripple" seemsto me a
clean word, straightforward and precise.It has an
honorable history, having made its first appearancein
the Lindisfarne Gospel in the tenth century. As a lover
of words, I like the accuracywith which it describesmy
condition: I have lost the full use of my limbs.
"Disabled," by contrast, suggestsany incapacity,physical or mental. And I certainly don't like "handicapped," which implies that I have deliberatelybeen
put at a disadvantage,by whom I can't imagine (my
God is not a Handicapper General),in order to
equalize chances in the great race of life. These words
seemto me to be moving away from my condition, to
be widening the gap betweenword and reality. Most
remote is the recently coined euphemism"differently
abled," which partakes of the samesemantichopefulnessthat transformed countries from "undeveloped" to
"underdeveloped,"then to "less developed,"and finally
to "developing" nations. Peoplehave continued to
starve in those countries during the shift. Some realities
do not obey the dictatesoflanguage.
Mine is one of them. Whatever you call me, I
remain crippled. But I don't care what you call me, so
long as it isn't "differently abled," which strikesme as
pure verbalgarbagedesigned,by its ability to describe
(40) anyone,to describeno one. I subscribeto George
Orwell'sthesisthat "the slovenliness
of our language
makesit easierfor us to havefoolishthoughts."And I
refuseto participatein the degenerationof the
language
to the extentthat I denythat I havelost
(4s) anythingin the courseof this calamitousdisease;
I
refuseto pretendthat the only differencesbetweenyou
and me arethe variousordinaryonesthat distinguish
any onepersonfrom another.But call me "disabled"
or "handicapped"if you like. I havelong sincegrown
(50) accustomed
to them;and if theyare vague,at least
theyhint at the truth. Moreover,I usethemmyself.
Societyis no readierto acceptcrippledness
than to
acceptdeath,war, sex,sweat,or wrinkles.I would
neverreferto anotherpersonas a cripple.It is the
word I useto nameonly myself.
Copynght a 1992by Rlucational TestingService.A[ rights reserved.
Princeton,N.J.08541
Chief Faculty Consultant Commentary
Question3 presentedstudentswith an excerptfrom the essay"On Being a Cripple," part of
Nancy Mairs's collection Plaiwext. The passagebegins "I am a cripple" and goeson to
discussMairs's reasonfor choosingthat term, explainingwhy sherejects alternativeslike
'disabled' as inaccurateurd euphemistic. Mairs also acknowledgesthat sheusesthe word
becauseshe wantspeopleto "wince" at it, to seeher as a "tough customer." Studentswere
askedto read the passagecarefully, then "write an essayin which you analyzehow Mairs
presentsherself in this passage." The questioncontinued, 'In addition to discussingthe
significanceof Mairs' choice of the word 'cripple' to nameherself, you should consider such
rhetorical featuresas tone, word choice, and rhetorical structure."
Like Question 1, this questioncalled for the analysisof a text. The focus of that
analysisdiffered, however. Question1 concernedQueenElizabeth's purposein her speech
at Tilbury-what shewantedher audienceto believe, and how sheusedlanguagefor the
purposeof swaying them. Question3 insteadaskedstudentsto analyzehow Mairs
npresents"or portrays herself and how her useof "such rhetorical featuresas tone, word
choice, and rhetorical structure" createsand conveysher senseof herself. While the prose
analysisof Question 1 focuseson the useof languageto persuade,the analysisin Question3
focuseson the usesof languageto constitutea persotu.
In someways this kind of textual analysisis more familiar to AP studentsthan that
required by Question 1. The fact that Mairs's own writing devotedso much attentionto
explaining her choice of the term 'cripple," however, led many studentsto overemphasize
discussionof this choice in their own essaysand to scantdiscussionof the way the rhetoric
of the passageitself conveysMairs's character. Someof the leastsatisfactoryessays
misperceivedMairs, for exampleby seeingher as complaining; somewriters simply
paraphrasedthe passage. In more satisfactoryessays,most studentswere able to read the
passagecarefully enoughto convey in their essaysthat Mairs's choice of the term "cripple"
createsa senseof her as realistic, direct, and honest. Essaysat the top of the scoring
guide's lower half typically conveyedthis undersandingbut were unableto show
convincingly how this honestywas exemplifiedby the passage'srhetorical features. Essays
at the bottom of the scoring guide's upper half were usually able to show how Mairs's choice
of "cripple" conveysthis senseof self, but found it difficult to discussother aspectsof the
passage'slanguage. Only the strongestessayswere able to resist the athaction of Mairs's
own discussionof her choice of "cripple" over its alternativesand to do what the question
really required: to focus their discussionon defining the kind of percorw Mairs presentsto
us in this passageand to show how her rhetoric helpsportray her as a self-consciouslytoughminded swaggerer.
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ScoringGuide
GeneralDirections: Scoresshouldreflect the quality of the essayas a whole. Rewardthe
writers for what they do well. Rememberthat studentshad 40 minutesto read and write; the
resultingessaysshouldthusbe thoughtof as comparableto essaysproducedin final exams,
not judged by standardsappropriatefor out-of-classwriting assignments.All essays,even
thosescored8 and 9, are likely to exhibit occasionalflaws in analysisor in prose style and
mechanics;suchlapsesshouldenterinto your holisticjudgmentof the essay'squality.
Essayswith many distractingerrors in grammarand mechanicsmay not be scoredhigher
than2.
Meets all the criteria for an 8 paperand, in addition,is particularlyfull or apt in analysis
particularstylisticcommand"
or demonstrates
Analyzesaptly and specificallyhow NancyMairs presentsherselfin this passage.
Analysisrecognizes
Mairs's self-conscious
bravadoin callingherselfa crippleand shows
how selectedrhetoricalfeatureshelp to conveythe complexityof her stance. Prose
demonstrates
the writer's ability to control a wide rangeof the elementsof effective
writing, but neednot be withoutflaws.
Fits the descriptionof a 6 essaybut is distinguished
by fuller analysisor strongerprose
style.
Analyzesadequately
how NancyMairs presentsherselfin this passage.Often recognizes
Mairs's "courageous"
or "honest"attitudebut not its self-conscious
"swagger";
discussionof rhetoricalfeaturesis usuallycorrectbut may not presentany insightbeyond
literal comprehension.A few lapsesin dictionor syntaxmay be present,but prose
usuallyconveysthe writer's ideasclearly.
Analyzesadequatelyhow NancyMairs presentsherselfin this passage,but its discussion
of rhetoricalfeaturesmay be particularlylimited and/orinconsistentlypertinent. A few
lapsesin dictionor syntaxmaybe present,but usuallyproseconveysthe writer's ideas
clearly.
inadequately
Responds
to the question'stasks. May misidentifyMairs's stance,discuss
variousrhetoricalfeaturesin the passagewithout relatingthem to Mairs's selfpresentation,
recapitulate
Mairs'sconsideration
of alternatives
to "cripple"with little
attentionto rhetoricalfeatures,or catalogrhetoricalfeatureswith limited purposeor
accuracy. Proseof 4 essaysusuallyconveysthe writer's ideasadequately,
but may
suggestinconsistent
controlover suchelementsof writing as organization,
diction, and
syntax.
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3
Meetsthe criteria for the scoreof 4 but is particularlyunperceptivein its attempts
to
discussMairs's self-presentation
or particularlyinconiistentin its controlof the elements
of writing.
2
Demonstrates
little or no success
in analyzinghow NancyMairs presentsherselfin this
passage.May substitute
a simplertask,suchas paraphrasing
thJpassage,embroidering
on Mairs's consideration
of alternatives
to "cripple,"discussing
euptrern'ism
in general,
discussingsomerhetoricalfeaturesin general,br praisingthe Jourageof thosewho
overcomehandicaps._
Prosemay revealconsistent
weaknesses
in grammaror anotherof
the basicelementsof composition.
I
Meetsthe criteria for the scoreof 2 but is particularlysimplisticin its responsesto the
passageor particularlyweak in its control of grammaror anotherof the basicelements
of composition.
0
This scoreis for off-topicresponses.
-
Indicatesblank response.
SampleEssays
EXCELLENT
Ms. Mairs presentsherselfas strong, intelligent,and funny. She is also frank
and
evenblunt, and sheseemsto challengethe reader, as well as cla[enging currengy
acceptedbeliefsand ideas. In calling herself "a cripple", she showsf,eiOesire
to face
facts and her firm grip on reality. What she doestrot r"y is as obviousas what
she
does: she is clearly a very courageouswomanwho has perseveredover a difficutt
situation.
Mairst franknessis obviousfrom the first line: "I am a cripple.,t Later she says,rf
refuse to participate in the degenerationof the languageto the extent that I
Oenyttrai f
have lost anything in the courseof this calamitousdisease.,,Additionally, she indicates
a kind of contemptfor thosewho pretendnothing is wrong with or different about
anyone. The bluntnesswhich characterizesthe passageis evidentin word choice,
too, in
that many words are sharp and hard-sounding,
of
their
meanings:
rrtough.. .brutal truth.
".gu.dl.rr
rl
. .straightforward...shift. . .dictates.
The ironic tone usedby Mairs is blatant in lines such as, rrAsa cripple, f swagger",l
Obviously,sinceshe cannot walk, shecannotswagger. Her metaptroricalswaggei=ilng
is,
therefore,the brave front she puts forward. In her choiceof the word ,swagger'
it is
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possiblethat Mairs gave away more than she intended and confessedto a vulnerability
behind her bold comments. Whether or not it is intentional, Mairs has presented
herself as multidimensionall although she seemsextremely open, she is probably not
telling the reader everything.
Mairs' intelligenceis demonstratedin her use of impressivevocabulary and complex
sentencestructures: rrMostremote is the recently coined euphemism.differenfly abledr'
which partakesof the samesemantichopefulness...r'Sucha sentencecould nothave
been written by a pensonwho is not smart, and Mairs even admits to being a ,,lover of
words.t'
Mairs showsa flair for sarcastichumor when she notesthat |tmy God is not a
Handicapper General.r' She is subtle but sharp, and she makes her points slyly. In the
conclusion,she saysthat "societyis no readier to acceptcripplednessthan to accept
death, war' sex' sweat,or wrinkles.rr An elementof humor can be found in this
comment in that although humans can in certain circumstancesavoid some of these, no
one can avoid ttsweat"or ttdeath.'rMairs pokesat the consciousness
of Americanswho
have closedminds to what is real and true, as her diseaseis.
That Mairs usesthe word cripple to describeherself is not surprising. After reading
the passage,the reader is familiar with Mairs' refusal to hide from the truth. Howeverl
one wonders whether Mairs truly doesntt "care what you call me, so long as it isn't
6differently abled'.tt When she saysthat
she 'would never refer to another pensonas a
cripple. It is the word I use to name only myselfr" Mairs admits that the word (cripple'
is an insult in most arenas. Another questionis raised with this realization: doesMairc
feel so negativelyabout herself that she willingly identifies herself by a name which is
quite unflattering? Mairs is frank about most sidesof her illness, but perhaps even she
has not dealt with someelementsof it.
Comment:This essay,scored9, is distinguished
by its unwaveringfocuson Mairs's selfpresentationand by the perceptiveness
with which it readsthe passage.The third sentenceof
the first paragraphstatesconciselythe significanceof Mairs's choiceof the word ',cripple',to
nameherself; the paragraphaccuratelycharacterizes
Mairs as "frank and evenblunt,"
"challenging,""strong,intelligent,and funny." The followingparagraphs
demonstrate
cogentlyhow Mairs's stylisticchoicesconveythe traits that defineand unify the paragraphs:
frankness,irony, intelligence,sarcastichumor. Two paragraphsshowpartituhr insiglt: the
treatmentof the irony implicit in Mairs's choiceof the metaphorof swaggering(paragraph
three),and the suggestion
that Mairs's implicit recognitionthat "cripple'tis a term not
usuallyvaluedmay admit a vulnerabilitythat mostof the passage
denies(paragraphsix).
As a whole, this essayconveysa subtleunderstanding
of Mairs's stance. It alsocouches
that understanding
in specific,economicalprose. In contrastto manyother responsesto
skill by choosingapt, brief quotationsto illustrateor
Question3, this essayalso demonstrates
sparkanalysis. Many lessaccomplished
and lessfocusedessaystendedto quoteat length
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and analyzerelatively little, apparentlybelievingthe passagewould speakfor itself. While
in fact this passageis more direct than manyon previousAP Exams-after all, it does
explicitly stateMairs's stanceat the end of paragraphone-it nonetheless
remainsthe
student'sresponsibilityto explainhow the rhetoricof the passageworks. This essaydoesso
particularlywell.
AVERAGE
In this passageMairs presentsherself as a [cripple." She usesthis word to
symbolizeher independenceand strength, and through features such as word choice,
tone, and structure, Mairs persuadesthe reader that her choice of the word ,tcripple,,is
the correct one for her.
In this passage'Mairs appearsto be a person who knows who she is, what she can
do, and what others think she is capableof accomplishing. With the succinct tone of
the passage,Mairs implies that she is no-nonsense
about her illness and will only reveal
her true reasonsfor calling herself a cripple. She statesthat words such as
handicapped,and disabledhave other meaningsthat she doesnot wish to be associated
with. In lines 11-13shestatesclearly what sheis. ttOneto whom the fates/gods/viruses
have not beenkind, but who can face the brutal truth of her existencesquarely.', Also
r,disadvantagert,
by utilizing choicewords and phrasessuchas ttwincetr,rrincapacityt,,
she
describesthe situations of the handicappedand differenty abled while she herself
explicitly statesthat she knows the full meaningsand consequences
of what she says.
Mairs statesthat by using other words than cripple she would be rr...wideningthe gap
betweenword and reality.tt However,Mairs' tone alsoseemsto have a condescenaing
manner to it. rrMostremote is the ...euphemism"differently abledrr,which partakes of
the samesemantichopefulness...r'Through words such as rrsemanticrt
and rfverbal
garbage" (line 39) Mairs seemsto disdain those who do not percievethings the same
way she does.
One can seethat through the conciseness
of the passage,the choice words and
structure, Mairs presentsherself to be a strong, independantwoman who doesnot feel
as much sorrow for herself as for those who call themselves,handicappedor differenfly
abled.
Comment:Scored6, this essayis typical of thoseat the bottomof the upperhalf of the
scoringguide. It doesconveyan awareness
that Mairs intendsthe passigeto presenther as
"a strong,independant
woman,"one who "knowswho sheis [and]what shecan do," and
who can alsobe viewedas "condescending"
to thoselesstough-minded
thanshe. The
quotationsthe writer choosesdo illustratethesetraits. Particularlyin comparisonto the
precedingessay,however,this responseis not well focusedon Mairs's sell-presentation.
Like many of the acceptablebut lessaccomplished
essays,it makesits observationsabout
Mairs's characteralmostas asidesin a rehearsalof Mairs's rationalefor the choiceof
"cripple" to nameherself. The faculty consultantsagreedthat the essayshouldbe rewarded
for what it doeswell in responseto the question,but recognizedthat the essay'sanalysis,
like its prose,is serviceableat best.
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