Forum Guidebook - Better Leaders Through Education and Idea Exchange

Transcription

Forum
Guidebook
The Complete
Reference
For Forums
2009 Edition
WELCOME
Dear YPO-WPO Forum members,
When you first learned about YPO-WPO, you probably heard about this magical place called “Forum.”
Someone likely told you that Forum is the “DNA of YPO-WPO” or that “it’s lonely at the top” and that’s
why we need Forum. Or perhaps they talked about their Forum and how much it means to them. And
while those statements are true, they didn’t answer many of your questions about Forum.
So what is Forum? This Forum Guidebook will answer that question and serves as a complete
reference guide for Forum. The Forum Guidebook, along with expert advice from your Forum
moderator, Chapter Forum Officer, Certified Forum Facilitators and the YPO-WPO Forum management
team, will answer all of your key questions about Forum. You will learn about the origins of Forum, the
stages of Forum Development, the roles and responsibilities that make Forum work and the key Forum
Success Principles. In addition, it covers Forum meetings, retreats and challenging situations that may
happen during Forum. In short, the Forum Guidebook will give you the baseline to become a great
Forum member and key contributor to your Forum.
But wait, what about the magic? Well, the magic doesn’t just happen. By following the best practices
developed and refined by YPO-WPOers and Certified Forum Facilitators, you and your fellow Forum
members have the opportunity to create that magic in your Forum. You will also learn about the tools
that can build your Forum and that can help get your Forum back on track when rough spots occur.
Forum truly is one of YPO-WPO’s most rewarding experiences and our hope is that you will not only
get more satisfaction out of your Forum experience, but that you will also see ways that you can apply
your Forum skills to your life outside of Forum - as a leader, partner and parent.
YPO-WPO Forum Committee
Participant Name: __________________________________________________
Forum Guidebook - 2009
WELCOME
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: What Is Forum? ....................................................................................................................................... 1
Chapter 2: Forum Development ................................................................................................................................ 7
Chapter 3: The Business Of Forum ......................................................................................................................... 12
Chapter 4: The Forum Officer And Spouse Forum Coordinator Roles And Responsibilities.................................. 14
Chapter 5: Forum Success Principles ..................................................................................................................... 15
Forum Success Principle 1: Shared Vision/Purpose And Values ....................................................................... 16
Forum Success Principle 2: Confidentiality ......................................................................................................... 17
Forum Success Principle 3: Commitment ........................................................................................................... 22
Forum Success Principle 4: Forum Protocol ....................................................................................................... 24
Forum Success Principle 5: Membership ............................................................................................................ 27
Forum Success Principle 6: Leadership .............................................................................................................. 32
Forum Success Principle 7: Forum Meeting Structure ........................................................................................ 35
Forum Success Principle 8: Renewal .................................................................................................................. 36
Sample Forum Norms.......................................................................................................................................... 37
Chapter 6: Roles And Responsibilities .................................................................................................................... 39
Chapter 7: Forum Meetings ..................................................................................................................................... 44
Chapter 8: Topics .................................................................................................................................................... 52
Chapter 9: Retreats ................................................................................................................................................. 53
Chapter 10: Challenging Situations And Personalities ............................................................................................ 55
Chapter 11: Clear The Air And Issues Clearing ...................................................................................................... 64
Chapter 12: Transitions ........................................................................................................................................... 66
Toolbox .................................................................................................................................................................... 70
Forum Committee ................................................................................................................................................ 71
ForumHelp ........................................................................................................................................................... 73
Forum Management ............................................................................................................................................ 73
Forum Website .................................................................................................................................................... 73
Certified Forum Facilitators ................................................................................................................................. 73
Living Forum Newsletter ...................................................................................................................................... 73
Communication Starters ...................................................................................................................................... 74
The Evolution Of Forum....................................................................................................................................... 78
Forum Confidentiality Contract ............................................................................................................................ 81
Agreement Regarding Doing Business With Each Other In Forum .................................................................... 82
Update Preparation Form .................................................................................................................................... 83
Coaching And Presentation Form ....................................................................................................................... 84
Issues Clearing Model – Prompt Sheet ............................................................................................................... 86
Forum Meeting Reference Guide ........................................................................................................................ 87
Forum Survey ...................................................................................................................................................... 89
Forum Survey Sample Results ............................................................................................................................ 91
CHAPTER 1: WHAT IS FORUM?
Chapter 1: What is Forum?
In 1975, Forum was created by members of YPO’s Northern California Chapter. Today it's estimated
that more than 900 Forums operate worldwide.
A Forum is a group of eight to 10 members who meet on a regular basis in an atmosphere of
confidentiality, trust and openness to share in each other’s business, family and personal experiences.
Forum provides an ongoing opportunity to share and discuss with a group of peers the issues that arise
from being a CEO. A CEO’s job has often been characterized as being “lonely at the top.” Forum
serves as an antidote to that isolation.
More members and spouses participate in Forum than any other YPO-WPO activity, and Forum is
widely considered among the most valuable experiences offered by YPO-WPO. Many members claim
that Forum has not only made them better leaders, but better parents, spouses and people as well.
Although sharing some characteristics of other small advisory or support groups, we believe Forum is
unique. Forum is not a social club, although strong social relationships frequently grow out of the
experience. It’s not a therapy group, although some members have found Forum support to be
therapeutic. It’s not a “fix-it” group, although members can find answers to their problems. The breadth
of topics discussed the long-term life of the group, the commonality and diversity of members, the use
of peer moderation, and the close relationships that develop combine to create an experience you are
unlikely to find elsewhere.
Unlike other business-oriented personal advisory groups whose meetings are run by paid professionals
as a business, all YPO-WPO Forums are peer-moderated. The moderator, selected by the members,
prepares for the job by attending a Forum Moderator Development workshop. The moderator serves for
12 to 24 months. The moderator is important, but cannot do it alone. Responsibility for effective
meetings and the Forum’s continuing health is shared by all members. YPO-WPO provides workshops
for moderators, for entire Forums, and for Forum Officers and Spouse Forum Coordinators.
What Forum
Provides
Forum provides:
•
A confidential, trusting environment for learning, idea exchange and selfexploration
•
Enrichment of your business, family and personal life
•
Integration of business, family and personal interests
•
Leadership development skills
•
Personal growth
•
Support
The Forum environment nurtures these qualities:
•
Safety
•
Honesty
•
Openness
•
Trust
•
Respect
•
Risk taking
•
Sharing vulnerability
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Benefits of Forum
Forum participants grow as individuals when they understand the impact they
have on others. As with any activity, the more one puts into Forum, the greater
the benefit. Through listening to the life issues of other members and
supporting them in the resolution of their problems, the Forum member has an
opportunity to truly “make a difference.” Conversely, when a Forum member is
in need of guidance, he or she can benefit from the experience of others.
Gaining Clarity on Issues
The core element in a Forum meeting is the presentation, in which a member
speaks about an unresolved issue and invites feedback and discussion from
the group. Usually the presenting member is seeking to reach clarity about
something with which he or she is struggling. The other members help by
speaking from their own experience. Trying to “fix” the other person or dictating
what he or she “should” do is off target in a Forum. When a person is working
on a problem, quite often he or she knows an answer exists but simply can’t
identify it.
Increasing Self Knowledge
Self-knowledge is a key to personal growth and mastery. A well-functioning
Forum is an excellent medium for self-exploration, allowing members to see
themselves as others see them.
Johari Window
The Johari Window is a model that illustrates how we gain awareness and
insight by opening ourselves up to others and receiving other’s feedback. The
word “Johari” was created by combining the first names of the model’s
inventors, Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham. Using the model we’re clearly able to
describe the Forum process—how through self-disclosure as well as peer
coaching and feedback we are able to expand our world view and have “aha,”
insightful and even breakthrough experiences.
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The Johari Window divides personal awareness into four quadrants that are
like window panes. The lines dividing the four panes are like window shades,
which can open as an interaction progresses.
•
Open: The Open pane represents things that I know about myself and that
others know about me. This information can be facts, motives, behaviors,
wants and needs. There is no mystery here. Examples of open information
are that a person is a business owner, enjoys collecting antique furniture,
and wants to climb Mount Everest.
•
Hidden: The Hidden pane represents things that I know about myself, but
that others do not know. People keep information hidden for many reasons.
They may believe that no one is interested or that it is nobody’s business,
or they may be embarrassed about it or it may be too painful to discuss. An
example of hidden information could be that a person is afraid of heights.
Revealing hidden information stretches the Open pane into the Hidden
area. As we open up and remove “masks,” other’s awareness and
understanding of us increases.
•
Blind: The Blind pane represents things that others know about me but
that I am unaware of. The “blind spot” can relate to trivial events (such as
the fact that a person is mistakenly wearing socks of two different colors) to
more substantial occurrences (such as that a person routinely speaks to
his/her subordinates in a condescending manner). Often, it is
uncomfortable for a person to become aware of his/her blind spots. It is
only through feedback and increased self-awareness, however, that
change and growth can occur. Awareness stretches the Open pane into
the Blind area. As we get feedback from others, our awareness of
ourselves increases.
•
Unknown. The Unknown pane represents things that I don’t know about
myself and that others don’t know about me. Unknown information is
information that is yet to be realized. The Unknown area is also known as
the Potential Discovery area, because it holds the promise of new selfdiscovery. An example of Unknown information could be a person’s intense
fear of being alone. As the person opens up to others and receives
feedback, he/she gains awareness of personality traits or other behaviors
that were previously not recognized. It is through awareness that change
can begin.
Johari Window and Forum
In Forum, we create opportunities to reveal what is Hidden through selfdisclosure and to see what is Blind through peer coaching and feedback from
people we trust and respect. As our awareness increases, we enter the
Unknown, or Potential Discovery Area. This is where the breakthrough, “aha,”
and insightful experiences occur.
The byproduct of self-discovery is that it prevents Forum from getting stale. We
continually learn about ourselves as we experience other people gaining
insight into their own issues.
The Forum meeting and retreat structure provides for numerous opportunities
for self-discovery and feedback.
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•
Communication starters and updates are both ways of reducing the Hidden
by allowing members to open up and share with the group.
•
Presentations offer the presenter the same “opening” experiences as
communication starters and updates. And, through the feedback received
from others, presentations allow greater awareness of Blind spots.
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;
For Your Consideration
The combination of removing our masks and receiving feedback
in presentations can move us to the Unknown or Potential
Discovery Area.
Business Benefits
This is perhaps the most obvious benefit of Forum participation. Members gain
from exposure to business and career histories of other Forum members. No
professional service could offer the same collective expertise represented by
the group. Since no Forum members have vested interest in each other’s
companies, they can be open in expressing their views as a fellow CEO.
Family Benefits
In the course of your life in Forum, you and your Forum peers could
experience aging parents, health problems, parenting challenges, changes in
fortune, empty nest syndrome, wedding anniversaries, divorce, remarriage,
graduations and a whole range of issues that arise during various life stages.
Forum is an opportunity to share and celebrate the best of those experiences
and to share and talk through the most difficult. As an additional benefit, many
members have commented that Forum helps them at home as they use the
listening and feedback skills learned in Forum.
Chapter Benefits
Strong Forums are an important factor in chapter health. Forums often help
chapters by serving as day chairs of chapter events. And the relationships
developed in Forum help keep members connected to YPO-WPO and the
chapter.
Forum as Chapter Builder
Forum often attracts members to new or growing chapters. No other
organization can offer this exclusive, intense educational and idea exchange
opportunity. Forum is the essence of YPO-WPO, and a strong Forum serves
as the foundation of the chapter.
Types of Forums
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In addition to chapter Member Forums, several different types of Forums exist.
Participation in these Forums is always through the YPO-WPO member. All
rights and privileges afforded Forum members, including membership and
continued participation, are conditional on the standing and support of the
YPO-WPO member. It is highly recommended that all Forums (including
Network Forums) experience Forum Fundamentals, Forum SuperCharge and
retreats. Moderators of all Forums (including Network Forums) must attend a
Forum Moderator Development workshop.
Spouse Forums
Spouses of members who are in a Forum often want the opportunity to
experience Forum. In the same way the YPO member benefits from Forum,
the spouse will benefit…personally and/or professionally.
The Spouse Forum also provides tremendous benefits to the chapter. Spouse
Forums get spouses, and therefore couples, more involved in the YPO-WPO
experience and build interest in other chapter events. An involved spouse
leads to an involved member.
•
Professional Spouse Forums
This offshoot of the traditional Spouse Forum was created to meet the
special needs of YPO-WPO spouses (either male or female) who have
demanding full-time careers. Meetings are usually held outside of regular
working hours and discussions often include a business focus. Forum
development and protocol are the same as for Member and Spouse
Forums.
Innovative Forums
Members and spouses are looking for ways to reap the benefits of Forum
outside the traditional format and many want their young adult children to
experience Forum as well.
•
International and Regional Forums
For members or spouses seeking an international or regional Forum
experience or who cannot participate in a local Forum, International and
Regional Forums offer an innovative alternative. Following the same
fundamentals as traditional Member or Spouse Forums, International and
Regional Forums typically meet less frequently, but for a longer duration.
An International or Regional Forum might choose to have a two-day
meeting every four months.
Some members say they especially like the cross-cultural aspect of
membership in a non-chapter-based Forum. These members value the
opportunity to gain insight into business practices, culture and personal
topics of other countries in a Forum environment. “Because we are not
from the same town and are from different industries, it’s much easier to
share ideas and thoughts and no one has anything to lose,” said one
participant. “The take-home value from every meeting is very high.”
While the meetings are less frequent, most participants agree that a
greater level of commitment is required for Regional and International
Forums. Since meetings require travel and lodging, the cost of membership
is generally higher, and there is more planning for each meeting.
“These types of Forums aren’t for everyone,” said one veteran member.
“You have to have both a personality and business fit, but the rewards can
be phenomenal.”
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•
Couples Forums
Through a Couples Forum, members and spouses can harness the power
of Forum to build intimacy in their relationship. Couples Forums operate
exactly like Member or Spouse Forums with updates and presentations.
These Forums can form at the chapter, regional or international level and
can also be based on a shared interest. To ensure intimacy, the Forums
are usually limited to five or six couples.
•
Young Adult and Youth Forums
These Forums connect the young adult children of YPO-WPO members to
each other, providing them with a safe and confidential peer network. The
program comprises two different Forum offerings for young adults, based
on their age and stage:
o
o
Youth Forums (18-22 years old)
Young Adult Forums (23-39 years old)
Many participants – and their parents – have called the Legacy Forum
experience “life changing”….helping the YPO-WPO children mature,
strengthening family relationships and even boosting their studies.
Following the same format as a Member Forum, Young Adult and Youth
Forums provide participants with a confidential and safe environment to
explore issues, exchange ideas and build relationships. Participants must
be between 18 and 40 in age and must be the child of a YPO-WPO
member.
“The Forum experience is one of the most rewarding parts of YPO-WPO,”
said one young adult. “For me, finding out that I wasn’t the only one going
through something and that others had had similar experiences was really
helpful.”
•
Family Forums
Many members and spouses have brought the power of Forum into their
homes. Family Forums provide an opportunity for all family members, no
matter what their age, to discuss future plans, give and receive support,
participate in decision making, identify critical issues and listen to other
family members away from everyday life. These are most effective when
one or both parents have completed Forum development workshops.
•
Network Forums
Members of a Network may also want to include a Forum experience in
their Network experience. These Forums are similar to International/
Regional Forums with the possible exception of business diversity. Refer
to Chapter 5, Forum Success Principle 5: Membership and the Diversity
section to see how to address this.
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CHAPTER 2: FORUM DEVELOPMENT
Chapter 2: Forum Development
To be successful, Forums will be composed of members who understand and practice Forum
principles. While there are many advantages to self-moderated Forums, one of the disadvantages is
the possibility that the Forum becomes lax or too comfortable. With the decline of the group comes
frustration that shows up in poor attendance and little or no take-home value from the Forum
experience.
Learning the basics of Forum helps new members and moderators get off to a good start. And, renewal
through formal instruction is critical to the continued success of every Forum.
Forum Life Cycle
Forum Life Cycle Stages
The circle above is a graphic representation of a Forum’s life cycle.
•
Growth: Establishing or renewing a Forum
•
Prime: Maintaining the Forum’s effectiveness
•
Decline: Diminishing take-home value and commitment
Forum Life Cycle Elements
Notice the letters R E A L associated with each stage. Each letter represents a
characteristic.
•
Results
=
Return on investment (i.e., take-home value)
•
Equality
=
Equal participation and shared responsibility
•
Administration
=
Administration of meeting structure and norms
•
Leadership
=
Leadership direction
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Forum Life Cycle
Explanation
The R E A L characteristics play different roles in each life cycle stage, as
described below:
1. Growth: r e A L
Forums can enter the Growth stage in two ways. A new Forum is always in
Growth stage until it progresses to Prime. An established Forum can regress to
Growth stage as old members leave and new members join. Even Forums that
have been together for many years will feel the challenge of absorbing new
members and will need to go back to basics in order for the Forum to reestablish in a meaningful way.
All Forums in Growth share the same characteristics.
•
“r” (results) and “e” (equality): The lowercase “r” and “e” mean that
members may experience lower take-home value as well a reduced
equality of participation and shared responsibility. In a start-up Forum, both
the relationships and the processes are new and unfamiliar. In a Forum
that has lost members and introduced members, the dynamic is changing
as new relationships are forming and new members are learning Forum
process.
•
“A” (administration) and “L” (leadership): The uppercase “A” and “L”
emphasize the importance of these characteristics to a Forum in Growth. It
is vital for a healthy Forum in this stage to understand and follow Forum
meeting structure and norms. The presence of a strong and active leader is
necessary during this stage.
Best Actions to Take During Growth
•
New Forums:
o All members will complete Forum Fundamentals workshop.
o The moderator (and assistant moderator if applicable) will complete the
o The Forum will create norms addressing all Forum success principles.
o It is recommended that the Forum completes various exercises and
activities to connect members.
•
Forum Undergoing Membership Changes
o Take time to say “good-bye” to the graduates leaving your Forum.
Have a specific activity to process their departure. If a member is
leaving for any reason, such as moving geographically, take time to
exchange feelings about the departure and to affirm what the member
has contributed to the Forum.
o Make sure all members accept new members and take time to meet
them for breakfast or lunch before their first Forum meeting.
o Plan a retreat after one or two meetings with new members.
o Schedule a Forum SuperCharge with a Certified Forum Facilitator as
soon as possible.
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2. Prime: R E a l
In Prime, results and equality are high and the need for administration and
leadership diminishes.
•
“R” (results) and “E” (equality): The uppercase “R” and “E” indicate that
Forums operating in prime have found stability in their meetings, resulting
in consistently high take-home value. Members have grown to share
responsibility for the Forum’s success and to participate equally.
•
“a” (administration) and “l” (leadership): The lowercase “a” and “l” of
Prime indicate that the meeting structure is consistently observed and that
the Forum’s norms are being followed. There is no need to emphasize
meeting structure and norms because they have become a natural part of
the Forum’s functioning. While important, leadership plays less of a role
because all members are taking responsibility for the Forum’s success.
Best Actions to Take During Prime
•
Schedule a Forum SuperCharge. This program, delivered by a Certified
Forum Facilitator, will deepen intimacy, communication and connection
among members.
•
Stretch the Forum by having presentations that are sensitive and
meaningful.
•
Take the Forum Survey at least once a year. Forums in Prime will
consistently score well on this tool. This survey will ensure that a Forum in
Prime is not taking its experience for granted but is consistently examining
it and trying to improve it.
3. Decline: r e _ _
Forums in this stage have poor attendance, few if any presentations, extended
and rambling updates, concerns about confidentiality and high levels of
frustration. If this situation does not change, and a Forum remains in decline,
this usually leads to the death of the Forum.
•
“r” (results) and “e” (equality): The lowercase “r” and “e” mean that
results and equality are low.
•
“_” and “_”: The missing “A” and “L” indicate that administration and
leadership are virtually nonexistent. Forums in this stage are not following
meeting structure or adhering to norms. Leadership is weak or is misguided
as to the actions required for maintaining a healthy Forum.
Best Actions to Take During Decline
•
Have the Forum take the Forum Survey to receive a description of current
strengths and weaknesses.
•
Schedule a Forum SuperCharge with a Certified Forum Facilitator as soon
as possible.
•
Revisit the Forum’s Shared Vision/ Purpose and Values statement.
•
Recommit to norms, especially attendance and punctuality
•
Consider the current leadership of the Forum. Change the moderator or
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have the current one attend a Forum Moderator Development workshop.
Forum Workshops
•
Introducing new members to a Forum that is in decline is not usually
recommended. However, if the members of such a Forum are committed to
the Forum and have planned a Forum SuperCharge, they may add new
members at the time of the Forum SuperCharge workshop.
•
Bring more structure to the meeting. Use communication starters, adhere
to the time limits for updates, and schedule presentations or topics to be
discussed.
The workshops and survey explained here are available to all YPO-WPO
Forums.
Forum Fundamentals
Forum Fundamentals is designed to give a new Forum, or members who have
not yet joined a Forum, a solid foundation in Forum principles and protocol and
let them experience a Forum meeting using the principles learned. This
workshop requires 8 hours of instruction time, not including lunch and breaks.
Forum SuperCharge
Forum SuperCharge is designed for Forums that have been together for at
least six months. The Forum facilitator customizes the workshop around the
results of the Forum Survey, conversation with the Forum’s moderator and the
Forum’s needs. It is intended to allow for four or five modules within an 8-hour
program (excluding lunch and breaks); however, as the facilitator, you may find
a situation where you use more or less. It is recommended that each Forum
undergo Forum SuperCharge every two years.
Forum Moderator Development
Forum Moderator Development is specifically designed for the member who
will lead their Forum as moderator. A Forum’s health is greatly influenced by
the moderator’s skill set. Forum Moderator Development focuses on more
sophisticated moderator and facilitation skills. The best practice is that a
Forum Moderator Development workshop is 15 hours with a maximum of 10
attendees. However, a 10 hour workshop with a maximum of 8 attendees is
an option.
Forum Survey
The Forum Survey is a way to diagnose the health of your Forum. The
moderator sets up the Forum Survey, which is simple to administer. The
results are anonymous.
We strongly encourage you to take advantage of this powerful and free online
tool each year. The electronic report provides insight into potential issues that
may not have been voiced and is a starting point for discussion and review of a
Forum’s strengths and weaknesses.
Forum Website
For the Forum Survey and directions to implement it:
1. Go to MyYPO.
2. Click on the Forum Tab.
3. Go to Forum Resources.
4. Click on Forum Survey.
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Development
Paths
Development Path for New Members
If a new Forum member or spouse is not yet assigned to a Forum, the member
or spouse can attend Forum Fundamentals while waiting for Forum placement.
Development Path for New Forums
Forum Fundamentals is a vital workshop for new Forum members. There are
two approaches to completing this workshop.
1. When a new Forum is established, the Forum can first select a moderator
who attends the Forum Moderator Development workshop, and then the
entire Forum completes the Forum Fundamentals workshop.
2. When a new Forum is established, the entire Forum can attend Forum
Fundamentals, and then they can select a moderator, who will attend the
Development and Renewal Path for Existing Forums
Following are potential development and renewal situations that Forums
encounter.
•
New Moderator: Any time there is a new moderator, he or she must go
through a Forum Moderator Development workshop before taking over
leadership of the Forum. Ideally, assistant moderators will also complete a
•
Forum Acquires New Members: These new members need to participate
in Forum Fundamentals.
•
Forums Committed to Renewal: An annual health check, in the form of
the Forum Survey, is advised. Forums take the Forum Survey to
understand their strengths and weaknesses. Based upon the survey
results, the Forum may decide to complete the Forum SuperCharge
workshop.
•
Stale Forums: When a Forum becomes stale, problems with punctuality
and attendance arise. This situation calls for the Forum to recommit
through a Forum SuperCharge.
•
Forum in Difficulty: The range of problems a Forum can experience is
considerable. Whatever the problem, the Forum will want to first identify
the issue and then address it. The Forum Survey helps the Forum identify
its issues. Many Forums will choose to hire a Certified Forum Facilitator to
facilitate a Forum SuperCharge and work through the issue. Or the Forum
may decide to use the services of a professional facilitator during a Forum
retreat to address the problem.
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CHAPTER 3: THE BUSINESS OF FORUM
Chapter 3: The Business of Forum
To ensure that the Forum operates smoothly, each Forum must manage its finances and ensure
appropriate meeting spaces. In addition, retreat costs must be agreed upon by members.
Forum Funds
Most Forums maintain a small pool or reserve of money to use for meetingrelated expenses. To administer this money, the Forum can appoint a member
to serve as treasurer. In many Forums, the assistant moderator is also the
treasurer.
All members contribute as needed. If the Forum fines members for missed
meetings, late arrivals or early departures, the fine can also be put in the kitty.
Retreat Costs
Part of retreat planning is to establish a budget agreed upon by all members of
the Forum. When establishing the budget, the moderator can ask members to
write down the amount they believe is appropriate, then average the numbers
to determine the budget. However, if a Forum has a member who is
experiencing difficult times, the moderator should use the lowest number to
determine the budget. It is never a good idea to "fund" another member.
Forum Roster
The moderator maintains a list of members’ names and contact information,
including phone numbers, email addresses and mailing addresses. This roster
can also include members’ birthdays, membership anniversaries or other
significant dates.
Day Chair
Some Forums select a day chair for each meeting to handle logistics. The day
chair’s responsibilities include ensuring that an appropriate meeting room is
provided, setting up the meeting room and arranging for refreshments.
Seating
Configuration
The optimal configuration is where every member has eye contact with every
other member.
Meals
Some Forums have a meal as part of their group experience. It is
recommended that meals and alcohol be enjoyed separately from the Forum
meeting and that alcohol be consumed only after the meeting.
Meeting Venues
Forum meetings can take place in a variety of settings. The optimal location is
where minimal distractions occur. Commonly, Forums meet at a member’s
home, a member’s office, a hotel room or a private club. Each meeting venue
has its advantages and disadvantages, as described below.
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CHAPTER 3: THE BUSINESS OF FORUM
Venue
Advantages
Disadvantages
Private
Homes
Gets members out of "business mode.”
Personalizes the meeting.
Gives members an opportunity to learn more
about the host.
May be more relaxed, warm and comfortable
than other settings.
Can be a personal, deepening and sharing
experience for the owner and the rest of the
Forum.
No charge for venue.
Conducive to intimacy and openness – doesn’t
have the barriers and distance often present in
corporate settings.
Can encourage members to judge the hosting
member by where he/she lives, the quality of the
house and furnishings, the food, etc.
Hosting members potentially trying to outdo
each other (consciously or unconsciously) in
food, atmosphere, etc.
There might be distractions such as postman,
deliveries, phones, staff and family members
who need attention.
Person hosting the meeting at his/her house
may feel the need to be a perfect host/hostess
and deal with logistics and entertainment, which
takes away from their Forum experience.
Members’
Offices
Helpful to members to see other members’
workplaces to better understand the host and
his/her issues.
Adds educational value to learn about members’
businesses and industries.
Has meeting requirements in place such as
private conference room, flipchart, white board,
projectors, etc.
Staff is available to help with food.
No charge for venue.
Host has to play host. It may keep the host in
business mode or worried about interruptions.
Or the host may allow him/herself to be
distracted or interrupted more easily.
May feel like a board meeting or another work
meeting with the connotations/limitations that
come with it. This may impact intimacy and
openness and the “special space of Forum.”
Staff members may have questions about the
nature of the meetings, which may impact
confidentiality and privacy.
Hotel
Meeting
Space
Neutral ground; no one needs to play host.
Gets members out of business mode.
Is different from home and office which brings
some sense of being special.
Convenient location with parking.
Members can choose to stay over in hotel if they
live far away.
Can be configured in any way so it should be
easy to set up chairs in a circle.
Easy access to catering services.
It costs money.
Sometimes privacy and time management of the
Forum meeting can be impacted if the hotel is
not debriefed well or if they are not flexible with
their service and how they do things.
Interruptions by hotel staff despite requests for
no interruptions.
May be too formal with board room table and no
breakout seating.
Lighting can be poor or not adjustable.
Can be problems with the room temperature,
especially if the heat or air conditioning is
centrally controlled by hotel.
Private Club Similar advantages as hotel meeting spaces, but
with a more personal quality.
Gets members out of business mode.
Personalized service due to the member’s
priority.
Sometimes a more intimate setting than the
usual hotel meeting room.
Quiet and private.
Often conveniently located.
Similar disadvantages to hotel meeting space in
terms of cost and issues with room setup,
interruptions and food.
Hosting member can feel singled out as the host
rather than just being a member.
Many private clubs insist on serving and make a
big deal about the food even though they are
instructed otherwise.
May be too formal with board room table and no
breakout seating.
Dress code sometimes enforced.
13
CHAPTER 4: FO/SFC ROLES AND RESPONSIBILITIES
Chapter 4: The Forum Officer and Spouse Forum Coordinator
Roles and Responsibilities
The Forum Officer (FO) and Spouse Forum Coordinator (SFC) are the primary advocates for Forum
programming, budget and health within each chapter, as well as the primary role models and resources
on Forum Protocol and policy.
FO/SFC
Prerequisites
FO/SFC
Responsibilities
FO/SFC Best
Practices Guide
14
To be most effective, a Forum Officer/Spouse Forum Coordinator (FO/SFC)
needs to:
•
Be a member of a Forum.
•
Have completed the Forum Moderator Development workshop within the last
two years.
•
Have served as a Forum moderator.
•
Be passionate about Forum.
•
Possess effective communications and organizational skills.
•
Attend the Global Leadership Conference (GLC) prior to assuming the
position.
The FO and SFC responsibilities include:
•
Workshop: Attend the Forum Officer Workshop/Spouse Forum Workshop at
the Global Leadership Conference.
•
Forum Learning: Make sure that all new Forum members complete Forum
Fundamentals before joining a Forum. Promote Forum SuperCharge and a
Forum Moderator Development workshop. The FO and SFC should attend a
•
Forum Health: Encourage use of the Forum Survey to become aware of
problems within Forums. Utilize a Certified Forum Facilitator to customize a
Forum SuperCharge around the results of your Forum Survey.
•
Chapter Health: Identify tools for maintaining and improving Forum vitality.
Integrate Forum tools in chapter events and Executive Committee meetings.
•
Moderator Meetings: Meet with all moderators with sufficient frequency as
part of an annual plan to ensure the continuance of healthy Forums within
the chapter.
•
New Members/YPO Graduates: Work to see that all chapter members
interested in Forum have an opportunity to join. Reinforce policy of not
allowing non-qualified people in Member Forums.
•
Chapter Leadership: Submit a firm plan, budget and work calendar on a
timely basis to the chapter. Make sure your chapter has established a
Chapter Forum policy.
A Forum Officer and Spouse Forum Coordinator Best Practices Guide is
available from YPO-WPO International. It covers the FO and SFC roles and
responsibilities in greater detail.
CHAPTER 5: FORUM SUCCESS PRINCIPLES
Chapter 5: Forum Success Principles
A successful Forum is characterized by an extremely high level of personal respect shared by all
members. Members create an atmosphere of trust and openness in which each person can contribute
and where individual problems and opportunities can be identified and explored. Years of experience
across hundreds of Forums has shown that eight principles are followed to create a successful Forum:
The Forum Success Principles are:
1. Shared Vision/Purpose and Values
2. Confidentiality
3. Commitment
4. Forum Protocol
5. Membership
6. Leadership
7. Meeting Structure
8. Renewal
The eight Forum Success Principles are discussed in detail in this chapter.
For each Success Principle, sample norms are listed. These are just examples; each Forum will
develop its own norms.
A complete list of sample norms is located at the end of this chapter. In addition, other samples of
norms from various Forums can be found in the Forum section of MyYPO.
;
In most cases, Forum failures are traced to violations
of one or more of these principles.
15
Forum Success Principle 1: Shared Vision/Purpose and Values
Forums are strengthened when their members share a common vision and purpose and when the
values that relate to the Forum are similar. For Forum members to have shared vision, purpose and
values, they must state their individual expectations about the Forum as well as what they want to
experience in the Forum.
Developing a
Shared Vision/
Purpose and
Values Statement
Consider the following when developing your Shared Vision/Purpose and
Values statement:
1. What do I want to get from Forum?
2. What am I willing to give to Forum?
Sample Shared Vision/Purpose and Values Norm
Each Forum will create its own norm related to Shared Vision/Purpose and Values. Following is a
sample norm for this success principle:
Our shared vision/purpose is to become better people by sharing our personal and business lives in
an atmosphere of confidentiality, trust, respect and intimacy. We commit to ourselves and to each
other the time, resources and opportunity to achieve the personal, professional and spiritual growth we
desire.
Our values include trust, transparency and openness.
16
Forum Success Principle 2: Confidentiality
Forum members must have total certainty that matters discussed in Forum remain confidential. Forum
members must never breach confidentiality. A breach of confidentiality usually means expulsion from
the Forum.
Confidentiality needs to be emphasized at every meeting.
Confidentiality is not selective.
Everything that is said in the Forum stays in the Forum. Permission must be granted to take
information outside of the Forum.
Nothing, Nobody, Never
This is one of the basic tenets of Forum.
Outside of Forum, talk about Nothing that was said in Forum to Nobody
under any circumstances — Never means forever.
Levels of
Confidentiality
Two levels of confidentiality are enforced in Forum:
Level 1 — Regular: This level of confidentiality is always in place within the
Forum – that nothing may be shared with anyone outside of the Forum, ever.
There are two exceptions to the regular confidentiality level:
•
Forum members can ask for and receive specific permission from the
member who is the information holder to share a specific piece of
information outside of Forum.
•
A presenter receives valuable input that he/she would like to act upon
outside of Forum. In this case, the presenter can use this information, as
long as the source of the information remains completely confidential.
Level 2 — Strict (Attila the Hun): This level of confidentiality can be called for
by any member who is willing to share something, but does not want it to be
referred to again. This often would pertain to some issue or experience from
the past, which is too sensitive or painful to revisit, but which is an important
part of that member's history.
New Members
Part of integrating a new member into a Forum is reviewing the Forum’s
confidentiality norms with the member. New Forum members must understand
and adhere to the confidentiality norms of their Forum.
New members to the Forum are not privy to any previous discussions or
experiences related to current or former members unless shared by the
member directly.
17
Safeguarding
Confidential
Information
Nothing of a confidential nature is sent to members before the meeting.
Instead, at the meeting, time is given to read it. At the end of the meeting, the
confidential written information is collected and destroyed.
No one outside of the Forum—including spouses, significant others, other
YPO-WPOers, non-YPO-WPO members, secretaries, administrative assistants
and Chapter Administrators—should be privy to confidential issues discussed
in the Forum.
Non YPO-WPO
Resources
If your Forum will be using a resource who has not worked with YPO-WPO and
has not been exposed to confidentiality, make sure that the resource has an
understanding and commitment to the confidentiality norms of your Forum.
Frequent
Reminders
The moderator will remind members at every meeting of the absolute
expectation of confidentiality. At regular intervals during the year, the
moderator will initiate a discussion about the group’s understanding of
confidentiality and have the group discuss a confidentiality case study.
Confidentiality is
Forever
On leaving a Forum, confidentiality is maintained by the exiting member as
well as by remaining members. This confidentiality relates to all Forum
discussions and Forum experiences.
;
Confidentiality and
the Law
Remember that when a new member joins a Forum, all previous
Forum conversations fall under the confidentiality norms, and
therefore, are not to be discussed without the permission of the
person who “owns” the confidential information.
It is important for Forum members to understand the limits of Forum
confidentiality. Although Forum members shall not voluntarily disclose any
information that is discussed in Forum, a Forum member may be compelled to
disclose certain information as required by process of law, such as pursuant
to a subpoena in a court proceeding or investigation.
Unlike attorney-client privilege communications that are generally respected in
the United States, Forum members should expect that Forum
confidentiality would not be respected by a court in legal proceedings. Thus,
if an attempt is made to compel testimony of a Forum member in a legal
proceeding or investigation, YPO-WPO expects that courts will require
individuals to testify about relevant discussions and other information that
occurred in Forum.
The specific application and scope of Forum confidentiality may vary worldwide
as determined by the laws of each particular jurisdiction.
Confidentiality
Breach
18
When a Forum member has breached another member’s confidence, he or
she must take responsibility, admit it directly to the injured party and apologize
for it. The member must then tell the moderator and offer his/her resignation. In
most Forums, a breach in confidentiality leads to acceptance of the
resignation. Forum members may decide to make an exception and allow the
member to remain.
A member who has had his/her confidentiality breached should contact the
moderator to discuss the situation. The moderator will investigate the incident
and bring the matter to the Forum for discussion and resolution.
;
The following are exceptions to Forum confidentiality:
1. Testimony required by legal process.
2. Information leading Forum members to believe that a Forum
member is an imminent danger to himself/herself or others.
3. Permission given to disclose confidential information granted
by the "owner" of the information.
Sample Confidentiality Norms
Each Forum will create its own norms related to Confidentiality. Following are sample norms for this
success principle:
•
Confidentiality is not selective.
•
Nothing is discussed with outsiders, except with permission.
•
Confidentiality is absolute, in all ways and forever.
•
Forum business may be discussed outside of meetings only in private settings with other Forum
members.
•
Suspected breaches will be reported to the moderator.
•
A breach of confidentiality can result in the resignation or expulsion of the person who committed
the breach.
•
All members have signed a Confidentiality Agreement.
Confidentiality
Contract
Each Forum should enforce confidentiality by having members sign a
Confidentiality Contract. A sample Confidentiality Contract is located in the
Toolbox.
Forum Website
To print a Confidentiality Contract:
1. Go to MyYPO.
4. Click on Forum Tools and Resources.
5. Look in the Forum Moderator section.
19
Confidentiality
Case Studies
Case studies are used during Forum meetings to demonstrate the importance
of confidentiality, to provoke discussion and to clarify difficult confidentiality
concepts. Sample case studies are provided below. A comprehensive collection
of case studies can be downloaded from the Forum site of MyYPO.
To use the case studies, photocopy one case study and pass it out at a Forum
meeting. Hold a 10-minute discussion with the following questions:
1. Did a breach of confidentiality occur?
2. How could it have been prevented?
3. What actions by the Forum and member in question would be appropriate?
4. Has anything similar happened or nearly happened with our Forum?
5. What have we learned from this case study?
Member Forum Case Studies
• Forum Member Advice
Andy (a member) and his wife Jane were having dinner with Mary (a
member) and her husband Joe when Andy remarked, “Jane and I invested
in our Cape May property based on the advice that my Forum members
gave me when I discussed the issue with them. That investment has proven
to be one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.”
•
Innocent Remark
During his update, Dan shared with his Forum that his wife Lisa was
landscaping their country property and that the project was giving her great
pleasure. The following week, Joe, one of Dan’s fellow Forum members,
saw Lisa at a chapter event and asked her how the landscaping project was
coming. Lisa responded that the project was over and abruptly walked
away. Joe later learned that Dan had not been happy with what Lisa was
doing and that he had decided against Lisa’s wishes to hire a professional
landscaper to complete the project.
Spouse Forum Case Studies
• Spouse Support Needed
Mariko is a member of a Spouse Forum, which has booked a resort for their
upcoming retreat. Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen circumstances in
the family, she has informed the moderator that she probably will not be
able to attend the retreat. All the other members are greatly disappointed,
because Forum retreats are great opportunities for members to bond and
get to know each other better. Mariko has been with the Forum for a long
time, and the other members are looking forward to having a great time
getting to know each other better.
At a social event held one month before the retreat, some of her Forum
members spotted her husband at the event. They discussed how they could
get her spouse’s support to enable her to attend the retreat. One of the
members, Zach, had previously met the husband at the reception and
approached Tomomi, Mariko’s spouse. After the initial greetings, Zach said
to Tomomi, “Hey, Tomomi, can you take care of your kids and let Mariko go
on the retreat with us? Come on, you can do it!”
20
•
Member Reluctant to Discuss Confidentiality Breach
A chapter had a fledgling Spouse Forum whose members were “feeling their
way.” After three meetings, the Spouse Forum Coordinator encouraged the
Forum to take on a new member, Isabel, who was keen on joining. The
members were unsure as they were only just beginning to feel safe with
each other.
Eventually, however, Isabel settled into the Forum and all was going well.
Valerie did a presentation on her need to do something with her life. Her
husband, Barry, was developing a shopping centre and offered her space to
open a beauty salon. She had trained as a beautician but was unsure of
whether this was what she wanted to do and expressed her concerns to her
Forum. She felt that the Forum had listened well; She thanked everyone
and said she would give a follow-up on her decision at the next meeting.
The moderator reminded the Forum of the confidentiality rule.
The next week, Valerie called the moderator to say that Isabel’s husband
Andrew had spoken to Barry about the possibility of obtaining space for
Isabel to open a boutique in the new development.
Valerie asked the moderator not to say anything to the other Forum
members as Andrew was an important contact for Barry and she did not
want trouble between Barry and Andrew.
The moderator tried to convince Valerie of the need to discuss the issue
with the Forum. Valerie was adamant that she wanted the moderator and
the Forum members to know but was not willing to discuss the suspected
confidentiality breach in Forum. Valerie said she would resign.
Young Adult Forum Case Studies
• Kindness Can Backfire
At his Young Adult Forum meeting, Kevin mentioned in his update that he
was very concerned about his younger sister Lauren. She had been ill for a
while and the family was not sure what the problem was. Kevin had been
unusually quiet during the meeting. He looked really worried but had said
that he wasn’t ready to talk about it.
The next day was the WPO Christmas function and all families were invited.
Kevin and Lauren were there with their parents. One of the people in
Kevin’s Forum knew Lauren and went up to her and said, “I heard from
Kevin that you were ill. I hope you are feeling better.”
Lauren started to cry and Kevin came and put his arm around her. The
family then gathered together and left the function. The family was waiting
for results from Lauren’s tests. They were very concerned and worried
about Lauren’s illness and had decided to attend the WPO function to take
their minds off their fears.
• Speaking Vaguely of Others
One of the members of a Young Adult Forum returned from his Forum
meeting and remarked to his friend, “You won’t believe how tough some
people have it. There’s this guy in my Forum group who lives in your area.
He can’t come to my party on Saturday night because he is expected to stay
at home with his younger brother. His stepmother is horrible to him and his
father never takes his side. His father is always away on business trips and
his real mother lives in England. I really feel sorry for him.”
21
Forum Success Principle 3: Commitment
Members who give high priority to the Forum arrive on time, are fully attentive and respectful of other
members, participate with vigor, stay until the conclusion of the meeting and arrange their busy
calendars with the Forum in mind.
To create the type of atmosphere necessary for success, it is essential that every member be
committed to the Forum.
Absences
Forum members should strive for 100% meeting attendance. Each Forum will
determine how many meetings a member can miss and still remain in the
group.
If a member misses a predetermined number of meetings (usually one or two),
the Forum will conduct a commitment review by all Forum members to
determine whether the member will remain in Forum. In the commitment
review, the Forum will discuss the member’s current situation that is affecting
his/her ability to attend meetings. The Forum and the affected member may
determine that the member is not able to commit to the Forum and should,
therefore, resign.
Retreat Absences
Attendance at Forum retreats is mandatory. Most Forums will allow a member
to be absent from a retreat only in the case of extreme circumstances.
Unanimous consent is necessary to reinstate a member who misses a retreat.
Fines
To encourage punctuality, some Forums impose financial penalties for late
arrivals. For instance, a Forum could charge from $1 to $100 for each minute
the member is late. Other Forums enforce a rule of having late members pay
for everyone’s lunch or dinner. Still other Forums impose financial penalties for
early departures.
;
22
The success of financial penalties depends upon the Forum.
Some Forums have discovered that members are not affected
by financial penalties and that fines are not an effective
deterrent.
Sample Commitment Norms
Each Forum will create its own norms related to Commitment. Following are sample norms for this
success principle:
•
Attendance:
o We will meet 10 times per year.
o 100% attendance is expected.
o Within the Forum year, a second absence by a member will require a commitment review to
determine if the member will remain in the Forum.
o We invite any member to call an emergency meeting of the Forum. Attendance at an
emergency meeting is voluntary.
o We will go on an annual retreat, and attendance at the retreat is mandatory.
o Each member will advise the moderator prior to an absence.
•
Punctuality:
o We will start and end our meetings on time.
•
Meeting Dates:
o Forum members will set the time, date and location of meetings.
o Dates can be set one year in advance.
o Amendment to meeting dates to be organized by the person with the conflict. This is to be
done at a meeting and not over the phone or by email.
•
Penalties:
o We will assess ½ absence for each late arrival or early departure.
•
Electronic Devices:
o We will surrender or turn off all electronic devices during the meeting. All other distractions and
interruptions will be kept to a minimum.
o The phone number of the meeting venue can be left with an administrative assistant or family
member for emergency use.
23
Forum Success Principle 4: Forum Protocol
When functioning correctly, a Forum is a caring group where everyone is treated with dignity and
respect. Forums use a communication model, Forum Protocol, to establish and maintain a safe
environment in which members openly and freely interact without fear of judgment.
Forum Protocol creates an environment where members share experiences instead of looking for “the
answer” to the issues. The goal is to explore options and expand the presenter’s world view, rather
than come up with a single solution.
Forum Protocol
Seek first to understand.
Listen
Focus on feelings.
Suspend judgment.
Accept
Put your critic and cynic on hold.
Ask clarifying and thought-provoking questions.
Question
Enquire to identify the real issue and create self-awareness.
Respond from your head and your heart.
Share
Use “I” statements—speak from your own experience.
Listen
Focus on the feelings first and the issue second.
Use active listening:
•
Listen beyond the words to hear the feelings.
•
Recognize your own reactions to the speaker’s feelings, content, language
and intent.
•
Pay attention to body language and tone of voice to determine what the
person is feeling. Then, offer feedback about what you heard to check for
accuracy and promote further discussion.
•
Active listening communicates:
o “I understand your feelings.”
o “I take you seriously.”
o “I am interested and concerned.”
o “I do not want to change you.”
o “I respect your ability to solve your problems.”
24
Accept
Question
Accept others without judgment.
•
Recognize that the speaker's statements are true for them, even though
you may disagree or reject their conclusions, decisions, etc.
•
It is important for members to feel equal, thus avoid using “you must,” “you
mustn’t,” “you should,” “you shouldn’t” “you need to,” “you have to.” All of
these create a one up, one down situation.
•
Judgmental language creates a defensive climate and an unsafe
environment. It closes the door to open and meaningful communication.
•
Allow the presenter to express his/her true emotions about the issue. Don’t
deny or try to diminish an emotion just because you aren’t comfortable with
it.
Share something of yourself before asking a question.
•
Questions to embarrass or lead the speaker to your own interpretations or
conclusions are to be avoided.
•
Tell the presenter why you are asking the question and then ask the
question. It helps the presenter feel safe and provides insight.
•
Avoid interrogation. It puts the presenter on the defensive.
•
Clarifying questions benefit the listener by clarifying which experience to
share. Avoid too many questions, which may put the presenter on the
defensive.
Examples:
o “How many employees do you have?”
o “How long have you been married?”
o “How long has this been an issue?”
•
Thought-provoking questions help the presenter to see his/her situation
from a different angle. Avoid embedding questions with advice or
judgment.
Examples:
o “What’s the worst-case scenario?”
o “What’s the best-case scenario?”
o “If your partner were making this presentation, what would he/she say
that is different from what you’re saying?”
Share
Speak from your own experience, rather than giving advice.
•
Use “I” statements. Speak only for yourself. Take ownership of your
comments.
•
Be specific and brief. Make your point and then give the floor to the next
person. If your point has already been made, do not restate it. Move on to
the next point or the next person.
25
Avoid these destructive behaviors:
;
•
Not listening
•
Attacks
•
Changing the subject
•
Playing junior psychologist
•
Interruptions
•
Sarcasm
•
Interrogations
•
Inappropriate humor
•
Judgmental remarks
•
Unsolicited advice
Sample Forum Protocol Norms
Each Forum will create its own norms related to Forum Protocol. Following are sample norms for this
success principle:
•
Members agree to treat each other with dignity and respect.
•
We will speak only from experience, rather than giving advice.
•
Members agree to practice Forum Protocol.
•
A processor is used to evaluate the Forum’s use of Protocol.
26
Forum Success Principle 5: Membership
Forum
Composition
The Forum experience offers diversity by including members of different
backgrounds, with varied interests, values, beliefs, genders and ages.
It is recommended that the Forum be free of conflicts of interest in regard to
their businesses, families and integrity issues.
Obtaining New
Members
New members are placed in Forum by the Forum Officer/Spouse Forum
Coordinator according to the Forum’s position on the Forum Request List.
When a Forum decides to add a new member, the moderator will contact the
FO/SFC and ask to be placed on the list. When a new member becomes
available, the FO/SFC contacts the moderator of the Forum that is first on the
Forum Request List, conducts a preliminary conflicts check and offers the
member a place in Forum, if no conflict is present.
The Forum can then accept or reject the potential member, understanding the
following guidelines:
Assessing and
Integrating New
Members
•
A Forum that rejects a member for other than a legitimate business conflict
or other reason specified in chapter policy goes to the bottom of the Forum
Request List.
•
A member who rejects a Forum for other than a legitimate conflict is placed
at the bottom of the member Wait List.
The best practice approach to assessing a new member follows. These steps
assume that chapter membership has been granted.
Assessing Potential Members
1. Moderator and one other Forum member have initial meeting with the
candidate:
o
Confirm there are no conflicts of interest.
o
Share your Forum’s Vision/Purpose and Values statement. Review
what the candidate is expecting from Forum. Determine if the candidate
is compatible.
o
Review Forum norms. Explain the importance of norms and the
consequences for norms violations.
o
Determine if the candidate is both willing and able to meet the norms
and share the Forum’s Vision, Purpose and Values.
o
Review the upcoming meeting schedule. Can the candidate make the
meetings?
2. Moderator and/or other member report back to group and make
recommendation. Group supports the candidate or does not.
3. Invitation to join is issued.
27
Integrating New Members
Taking the time to properly integrate a new member into a Forum not only
helps the new member seamlessly assimilate into the group but also allows
existing members to more readily accept the new member. The best practice
approaches to integrating a new member follow.
1. Between acceptance and the next meeting, at least three other members
try to arrange a meeting (breakfast or lunch). At this meeting the incoming
member is given:
o
Forum Guidebook
o
Copy of Forum norms
o
Copy of bio-sheets, if any, from existing members – remind the new
member that this is confidential information.
2. Complete a bio-sheet on the new member if this is part of your Forum’s
process. Bring copies of the bio-sheet to the meeting for each member.
3. It is recommended that Forums use a Certified Forum Facilitator to
promote new member integration during a Forum retreat or “mini-retreat”
shortly after new members are added. Consider a lifeline or life walk
exercise where the new member and existing members share their
lifelines.
4. If a retreat is not possible, at the meeting, existing members take about 5
minutes each to introduce themselves and give a short life summary. The
new member follows with his/her lifeline.
;
Diversity
Members tend to integrate more quickly when given responsibility.
One good way to involve new members is to ask them to
participate in the Retreat Planning Committee or to work with
another member to design a topic exercise for a meeting.
Diversity in Forum membership, expressed by differences in age, gender,
religion, culture, industry, business etc., is encouraged in Forum as it provides
for varied and vibrant Forum interaction and broad feedback.
There are situations, however, where diversity cannot be achieved (e.g., small
chapters with little or no business/industry diversity, Business Network Forums,
etc.). Forum can still thrive in these circumstances, but there may be
occasions where a member needs to present to the Forum on an important
issue but cannot do so in the presence of another member(s) due to them
being in the same industry. In these circumstances, the member(s) may be
asked to excuse themselves for the duration of the presentation so that the
presenting member can speak freely without concerns about sensitive
information reaching his competitors.
28
Conflicts of
Interest
Business or personal relationships between Forum members create conflicts of
interest. Any conflict of interest considerably reduces the openness of the
Forum. Because Forums require openness to be effective, conflicts of interest
diminish the benefits that members receive from participating in Forum.
Anything that will inhibit a member from sharing openly could arise from a
conflict of interest in the Forum.
Relationships that create conflicts of interest include:
•
Business competitors in Forum
•
Investing in each other’s businesses
•
Doing business with each other
•
Sitting on each other’s boards of directors
•
Family members in the same Forum
•
Romantic relationships with Forum members
Defining Business and Personal Relationships
YPO-WPO encourages each Forum to adopt norms related to outside
relationships that could create a conflict of interest.
Forums vary widely in their acceptance of business and personal relationships
among members. Some Forums discourage such relationships, while other
Forums place no restrictions on them. Most Forums, however, opt to discuss
the implications of these relationships and agree to what is beneficial or is not
detrimental to their Forum.
It is highly recommended that each Forum take the time to discuss and clarify
its stance on these types of relationships and to write norms that clearly state
what is and what is not acceptable. The norms also need to address what
happens to members when a conflict of interest develops.
During the annual review of norms or at any other time, the Forum can decide
to alter the norms to reflect the group’s evolving philosophy about these
relationships.
Before joining a Forum, potential new members should understand the
Forum’s philosophy toward business and personal relationships with other
Forum members.
Doing Business with Each Other
While no strict rule exists forbidding doing business with each other, YPO does
not encourage it. Forum was not created to be a place where individuals ply
their trade.
Each Forum needs to discuss the implications of doing business within the
group and determine what activities, if any, are acceptable. Some Forums find
that it simplifies matters to completely avoid all business transactions between
members.
29
Social Relationships
Forum was created to be a place where meaningful personal and professional
development takes place. Just as Forum was not created to be a place where
individuals ply their trade, it was also not created to be a social club.
Friendships often develop in the Forum setting and many times members
socialize outside of the Forum. As these friendships develop it is important not
to exclude any Forum members during the meetings. As a group of peers,
equality and inclusion is part of the Forum experience.
Best Practices
Best practice recommendations include:
•
No business competitors in a Forum if possible.
•
No family members in the same Forum.
•
Do not do business with each other.
•
Do not serve on each other’s board of directors. Serving on a board of
advisors is acceptable.
;
If a Forum decides to allow members to form outside relationships
with each other, as a best practice, the Forum can adopt the norm
of requiring members to disclose these relationships to the group.
For instance, if one Forum member buys life insurance from
another member, the Forum will be notified of this transaction.
Disclosure by the members regarding the potential conflict of
interest allows the Forum to foresee any problems.
Investing in Other
Forum Members’
Businesses
It's extremely tempting to invest in other Forum members’ businesses. After all,
these are people we trust and respect, and it's easy to get caught up in their
enthusiasm in good times or the desire to help out in bad.
It is highly recommended that you not invest in each other's businesses
and that you develop an explicit norm to that effect. Investing in another
member's business creates a conflict of interest. If the investment works, then
you are fortunate. If the investment doesn't work as planned, then Forum
meetings can start being about the investment. Even worse, the issue can
become submerged, affecting the Forum profoundly without being stated. It
can become the "elephant in the room" that everyone agrees not to notice.
Before considering investing in a member's business, ask yourself how good a
listener you are when your money is at stake. How open and vulnerable a
presenter are you if your investors are in the room?
In the case of public companies there may be legal issues of trading on insider
information as well.
30
Agreement
Regarding Doing
Business with
Each Other in
Forum
To clarify their agreement about doing business with each other, Forum
members can sign a contract that states what is and what is not allowed. A
sample Agreement Regarding Doing Business with Each Other in Forum is
located in the Toolbox.
Forum Website
To print an Agreement Regarding Doing Business With
Each Other:
1. Go to MyYPO.
Sample Membership Norms
Each Forum will create its own norms related to Membership. Following are sample norms for this
success principle:
•
Our Forum will consist of eight to 10 members who have no conflicts of interest.
•
If a conflict of interest develops after the Forum is established, the member whose
circumstances created the conflict of interest will resign from the Forum and be placed in a
conflict-free Forum when available.
•
All aspects of diversity are valuable; it expands our understanding, tolerance and acceptance of
ourselves and others. It greatly enhances Forum’s creativity, innovation, honesty and
productivity.
•
When possible, we will add at least two members at a time, no more than once every two years
and one to two meetings prior to the retreat.
•
A Forum mentor will be assigned to each new member to help with understanding Forum
practices and integration into the group.
•
Chapter Forum policy determines how long unqualified members remain in the Forum.
•
Each member will sign the Agreement Regarding Doing Business with Each Other in Forum.
31
Forum Success Principle 6: Leadership
A concerned, committed moderator who has attended a Forum Moderator Development workshop
within the past two years is vital to the success of a Forum. Every Forum member, however, is
responsible for the success and well-being of the Forum.
Moderator Term
of Office
Each Forum will determine the length of a moderator’s term of office, from 12
to 24 months.
Attributes of an
Effective Moderator
There are many effective styles for moderators, but successful moderators will
demonstrate many of the following attributes.
1. Self-awareness
Effective leaders know themselves. They have a deep understanding of their
emotions, strengths, weaknesses, needs and drives. This awareness leads to
an honesty and sense of authenticity that others can perceive in them.
Leaders with a high degree of self-awareness recognize how their feelings
affect them as well as others. In Forum, self awareness allows the moderator
to model openness, honesty and vulnerability.
2. Listening
Do people believe that you want to hear their ideas and will value them?
Moderators are good listeners. They are receptive and genuinely interested in
the views and input of others. People instinctively understand that leaders who
listen want them to share their ideas and that these ideas will be valued.
Listening is a skill that can be developed and is essential for those who desire
to be an effective moderator.
3. Empathy
Do people believe that you will understand what is happening in their lives and
how it affects them? Effective leaders understand and empathize with others'
circumstances and problems. Leaders who are empathetic have earned
confidence from others by understanding whatever situation is being faced.
This characteristic is a skill that comes more naturally to some people than
others.
4. Awareness
Do others believe you have a strong awareness for what is going on? Strong
leaders have a keen sense for what is happening around them. They are
always looking for cues from the environment to form their opinions and
decisions. They know what's going on and will rarely be fooled by
appearances.
5. Persuasion
Do others follow your requests because they want to or because they believe
they "have to"? Effective leaders seek to convince others to do things rather
than relying on formal authority. They are naturally very persuasive and offer
compelling reasons when they make requests. They never force others to do
things.
An ability to find common ground and build rapport is necessary.
32
6. Self-regulation
Strong leaders can channel them in useful ways. All people experience bad
moods and emotional impulses, but leaders who utilize these feelings are not
prisoners to them. Instead, these leaders can create an environment of trust
and fairness. A person who has strong emotional awareness has a talent for
reflection, is comfortable with ambiguity and change.
7. Organizational skills
Leading effectively requires that you have a good measure of control over
situations, are aware of deadlines and conscious of time allocations, and are
able to prioritize and delegate effectively.
Other common characteristics for moderators include:
Moderator/
Assistant
Moderator
Selection
•
Committed: Fully committed to leading the Forum and ensuring the
Forum’s health, growth and satisfaction.
•
Open: Personally open and self-revealing. The moderator models Forum
behavior by being willing to take risks in front of others.
•
Direct: Capable of initiating and facilitating diverse perspectives and
conversations. Keeps discussions aligned with Forum’s established norms.
•
Persuasive: Persuasive in a non-threatening, non-confrontational manner.
Possesses a proactive demeanor and is willing to take charge in a crisis.
Offers compelling reasons when making requests and never forces others
to do things.
•
Self-assured: Self-reflective, self-accepting and inclusive. Quietly selfconfident in groups and social settings.
•
Thoughtful: Concerned with the needs of others.
•
Enthusiastic: Has excitement and enthusiasm for life and Forum.
•
Team-builder: Provides a sense of team spirit and community.
•
Flexible: Is adaptable to the needs of the Forum at any given meeting
Before choosing a moderator and assistant moderator, be sure to review the
attributes of an effective moderator above.
The moderator is selected by the group using a simple secret ballot. At that
time, the outgoing moderator asks each member to write on a piece of paper
the name of the member each believes is best prepared to serve in this role.
The member whose name appears on the most pieces of paper has then been
called by the Forum to be moderator. The member whose name appears in the
second most pieces of paper is the assistant moderator. It’s that simple. This
method is efficient and invariably the group calls the “right” person to serve.
Members who want to serve as moderator should vote for themselves.
33
Benefits of
Attending Forum
Moderator
Development
In the Forum Moderator Development workshop, moderators will learn to
facilitate successful and productive Forum meetings using the Forum Success
Principles.
The specific skills developed are:
1. Communication Skills
•
Listening skills
•
Questioning skills
2. Facilitation Skills
•
Meeting management and managing group process
•
Managing people, including managing difficult people and situations
•
Getting to the core of issues
3. Leadership Skills
•
Creating a safe, inclusive environment
•
Giving and receiving feedback
•
Influencing the Forum’s growth and satisfaction
3. Diagnostic Skills
•
Using the Forum Survey
•
Assessing where your Forum is in the Forum Life Cycle
In addition, the moderator leaves the workshop with ideas to implement in
his/her Forum.
Sample Leadership Norms
Each Forum will create its own norms related to Leadership. Following are sample norms for this
success principle:
•
The moderator will be selected by the Forum.
•
The moderator will serve a 12-month term.
•
The moderator and assistant moderator will be selected by blind vote.
•
An assistant moderator will be selected as a successor to the moderator and to help the moderator
as needed.
•
The moderator and assistant moderator will attend a Forum Moderator Development workshop
prior to the beginning of the moderator term.
34
Forum Success Principle 7: Forum Meeting Structure
Forum meeting structure is the backbone of the meeting. It does not exist to confine. Rather, structure
creates freedom to allow open discussion and to allow everyone in the Forum to participate. Meeting
structure keeps the Forum focused and increases take-home value.
Meeting Structure
Most Forums meet for 4 hours.
The recommended meeting structure is listed below.
Note: For detailed information about meeting structure, refer to Chapter 7:
Forum Meetings.
Forum Meeting
Reference Guide
•
Fast Check-In
•
Clear the Air
•
Confidentiality Reminder
•
Communication Starter
•
Roles and Responsibilities: Assign timekeeper
•
Updates
•
Parking Lot
•
Presentation Selection
•
Roles and Responsibilities: Assign coach, scribe, processor
•
Break/Coach Impromptu Presentation(s)
•
Planned Presentation
•
Impromptu Presentation and/or Topic Discussion
•
Housekeeping
•
Closure/Measure Satisfaction
The Forum Meeting Reference Guide highlights the essential stages and
shared accountability of a Forum meeting.
Sample Meeting Structure Norm
Each Forum will create its own norms related to Meeting Structure. Following is a sample norm for this
success principle:
•
Forum meeting structure is essential to the success of Forum, and therefore, we agree to follow
the recommended Forum meeting structure.
•
We commit to using a coach for all planned and impromptu presentations.
•
We commit to using a scribe to capture the content of the feedback for the presenter.
35
Forum Success Principle 8: Renewal
Renewal is essential for a Forum’s ongoing development and health. To assess a Forum’s health, it
can be helpful to apply the Forum Life Cycle theory.
Note: For an explanation of the Forum Life Cycle, see Chapter 2: Forum Development.
Sometimes Forums can enter a period of “Decline,” which can be marked by low member interest and
weak attendance, a “stale” feeling and perfunctory update-oriented meetings. The challenge of any
organization, including a Forum, is to stay in “Prime.”
Renewal will help to maintain your Forum at the Prime life cycle stage.
Forum Survey
It is recommended that each Forum complete a Forum Survey each year.
Annual measurement will lead to continual improvement and growth.
The survey indicates the state of the Forum’s health. Based upon the results,
the Forum can choose to undergo a Forum SuperCharge workshop or to take
a retreat.
The Role of Forum
SuperCharge in
Renewal
A Forum SuperCharge is a one-day workshop customized to the needs of the
Forum based upon the Forum Survey results. A Certified Forum Facilitator
designs and conducts the Forum SuperCharge to address issues that are
negatively affecting the Forum’s health. Forum members leave the Forum
SuperCharge with a renewed sense of purpose and tools for implementing
positive change.
The Role of
Retreats in
Renewal
Retreats are short getaways lasting one and a half to five days. All Forum
members are expected to attend an annual retreat. While retreats are intended
to be fun and relaxing, they are also partly used to address issues affecting the
Forum’s health. A general goal is to plan half of the retreat activities for
relaxing and bonding with the group and half of the activities for renewal
exercises. Many Forums will conduct a Forum SuperCharge as part of the
retreat.
Note: For information about retreats, see Chapter 9: Retreats.
The Role of
Certified Forum
Facilitators in
Renewal
Certified Forum Facilitators are professional facilitators that meet high
standards for assisting Forums with renewal and other development needs.
All Forum SuperCharge workshops are conducted by Certified Forum
Facilitators. Retreats can be facilitated by Certified Forum Facilitators, or they
may be conducted by outside resources.
Sample Renewal Norms
Each Forum will create its own norms related to Renewal. Following are sample norms for this
success principle:
•
We will use the Forum Survey to diagnose the group’s health every year.
•
We will bring in Certified Forum Facilitators to work with our group at least once every two years.
36
Sample Forum Norms
Forum norms are a set of rules and guidelines agreed upon by consensus. They cover all
expectations of the group from confidentiality to attendance to the moderator’s term.
Written norms are highly recommended because they leverage the considerable investment of time
and effort that members make in Forum and help ensure the investment pays back.
Revisions to
Norms
Once a year the Forum will review its norms and revise them as necessary.
Norms can be added or changed as needed throughout the year.
Sample Forum
Norms
The sample Forum norms listed below have been compiled from the sample
norms provided for each success principle earlier in this chapter.
Additional examples of norms can be found in the Forum section of MyYPO.
SAMPLE FORUM NORMS
Shared Vision/Purpose and Values:
Our shared vision/purpose is to become better people by sharing our personal and business lives in
an atmosphere of confidentiality, trust, respect and intimacy. We commit to ourselves and to each
other the time, resources and opportunity to achieve the personal, professional and spiritual growth
we desire.
Our values include trust, transparency and openness.
Confidentiality:
• Confidentiality is not selective.
• Nothing is discussed with outsiders, except with permission.
• Confidentiality is absolute, in all ways and forever.
• Forum business may be discussed outside of meetings only in private settings with other Forum
members.
• Suspected breaches will be reported to the moderator.
• A breach of confidentiality can result in the resignation or expulsion of the person who committed
the breach.
• All members have signed a Confidentiality Agreement.
Commitment:
• Attendance:
o We will meet 10 times per year.
o 100% attendance is expected.
o Within the Forum year, a second absence by a member will require a commitment review to
determine if the member will remain in the Forum.
o We invite any member to call an emergency meeting of the Forum. Attendance at an
emergency meeting is voluntary.
o We will go on an annual retreat, and attendance at the retreat is mandatory.
o Each member will advise the moderator prior to an absence.
• Punctuality:
o We will start and end our meetings on time.
37
•
Meeting Dates:
o Forum members will set the time, date and location of meetings.
o Dates can be set one year in advance.
•
Penalties:
o We will assess ½ absence for each late arrival or early departure.
• Electronic Devices:
o We will surrender or turn off all electronic devices during the meeting. All other distractions and
interruptions will be kept to a minimum.
o The phone number of the meeting venue can be left with an administrative assistant or family
member for emergency use.
Forum Protocol:
• Members agree to treat each other with dignity and respect.
• We will speak only from experience, rather than giving advice.
• Members agree to practice Forum Protocol.
• A processor is used to evaluate the Forum’s use of protocol.
Membership:
• Our Forum will consist of eight to 10 members who have no conflicts of interest.
• If a conflict of interest develops after the Forum is established, the member whose circumstances
created the conflict of interest will resign from the Forum and be placed in a conflict-free Forum
when available.
• All aspects of diversity are valuable; it expands our understanding, tolerance and acceptance of
ourselves and others. It greatly enhances Forum’s creativity, innovation, honesty and productivity.
• When possible, we will add at least two members at a time, no more than once every two years,
and one to two meetings prior to the retreat.
• A Forum mentor will be assigned to each new member to help with understanding Forum practices
and integration into the group.
• Chapter Forum policy determines how long unqualified members remain in the Forum.
• Each member will sign the Agreement Regarding Doing Business with Each Other in Forum.
Leadership:
• The moderator will be selected by the Forum.
• The moderator will serve a 12-month term.
• The moderator and assistant moderator will be selected by blind vote.
• An assistant moderator will be selected as a successor to the moderator and to help the
moderator as needed.
• The moderator and assistant moderator will attend a Forum Moderator Development workshop
prior to the beginning of the moderator term.
Meeting Structure:
• Forum meeting structure is essential to the success of Forum, and therefore, we agree to follow
the recommended Forum meeting structure.
• We commit to using a coach for all planned and impromptu presentations.
• We commit to using a scribe to capture the content of the feedback for the presenter.
Renewal:
• We will use the Forum Survey to diagnose the group’s health every year.
• We will bring in Certified Forum Facilitators to work with our group at least once every two years.
38
CHAPTER 6: ROLES AND RESPONSIBILITIES
Chapter 6: Roles and Responsibilities
To make Forums operate effectively, members are assigned various roles with clearly defined
responsibilities. In addition, the group as a whole plays an important role.
Forum Members’
Contributions
The following responsibilities are practiced by each member of the Forum:
•
Attendance: Put all Forum dates in your calendar at the top of priority
lists; rearrange all conflicting items. Commit to 100-percent attendance!
•
Confidentiality: Respect confidentiality. What is said in the Forum stays
in the Forum.
•
Openness: Appreciate differences among people: be non-judgmental. Get
to know other members between Forum meetings; be caring of others.
•
Updates: Prepare updates carefully. Be rigorously honest.
•
Presentations:
o Give Presentations: Each member commits to at least one presentation
a year. Volunteer to be a presenter at the earliest possible date: prepare
thoroughly, present openly and ask clearly for what you want from the
Forum.
o Listen to Presentations: When listening to a presentation, Forum
members listen with empathy. Listeners can gain insight into their own
issues. It is important for listeners to become aware of the feelings they
experience during presentations and to examine these feelings to
determine how the presentation can provide insight into their own lives.
Forum Moderator’s
Contributions
•
Adhere to Forum Protocol: Each member is responsible for adhering to
Forum Protocol: Listen, Accept, Question, Share.
•
Support: Share responsibility for the Forum’s success. Offer to host the
Forum, act as day chairperson, and arrange retreats and other programs.
•
Communication: Listen attentively; share your own experience.
Forum moderators serve for a term of 12 to 24 months. Before taking on this
role, moderators will attend a Forum Moderator Development workshop, which
provides the tools and techniques necessary to succeed. Even after
completing this workshop, it is important for the moderator to stay engaged in
the process of personal growth and skill development.
The moderator can be described as a leader and a facilitator. The moderator’s
responsibilities for both aspects of the role are listed here.
The Moderator as Leader
•
Attend Forum Moderator Development workshop before taking over as
moderator.
Educate Forum members about best practices for high performance
Forums which includes the use of:
o Forum Survey
o Forum Fundamentals
o Forum SuperCharge
39
•
Help the group clearly define expectations. What does each member want
from the Forum experience?
•
Facilitate the meeting with the support of members.
•
Guide the group toward increased levels of commitment, confidentiality,
openness, trust and honesty.
•
Ask for the support of an assistant moderator. Assist with the transition
from you to the next moderator.
•
Serve as moderator for 12 to 24 months.
•
Attend the moderator meetings set up and run by your chapter Forum
Officer. Regularly inform the chapter Forum Officer about the status of the
Forum.
•
Manage transitions: integrate new members and assign a mentor to them
from the Forum and support departing members.
•
When challenges or questions arise, consult the chapter Forum Officer,
Spouse Forum Coordinator or [email protected].
•
Lead the discussion with the Forum to develop or revise the Forum norms.
Help the Forum reach consensus on norms of behavior and keep members
aware of them.
•
Delegate authority and responsibility of the Forum including roles of scribe,
timekeeper, processor, treasurer, day chair and assistant moderator.
•
Arrange for a Certified Forum Facilitator to work with the Forum at least
once every two years.
•
Analyze the results of the Forum Survey to make sure that issues in the
group are addressed through Forum SuperCharge.
The Moderator as Facilitator
40
•
Create and maintain a safe environment.
•
Manage the process.
•
Maintain an inventory of member issues and opportunities for
presentations.
•
Select impromptu presenters and coaches for today’s meeting and select a
topic, if desired. Assign a planned presentation and coach for the next
meeting,
•
Facilitate dialogue between the presenter and members.
•
Two weeks before the next meeting, contact the planned presenter to
make sure he/she is still planning to present.
•
Keep the presenter and members focused.
•
Act as role model for members.
Assistant
Moderator’s
Contributions
The assistant moderator serves as moderator when the current moderator is
absent or is presenting. The assistant moderator may serve as treasurer for
the Forum.
If invited, the assistant moderator attends Forum Officer moderator meetings.
Ideally, the assistant moderator completes the Forum Moderator Development
workshop.
Other duties that the moderator may assign to the assistant moderator include:
•
Publish a meeting schedule.
•
Send meeting notices.
•
Prepare the agenda.
•
Help the group schedule and organize an annual retreat.
•
Maintain a list of member’s contact information, birthdays, anniversaries.
If your Forum does not have an assistant moderator, the moderator will
delegate these responsible to other members.
Presenter’s
Contributions
The role of the presenter is to be aware of his or her own objectives and
expectations and to speak with as much openness and honesty as possible.
The presenter takes risks and is willing to ask for the support of others.
Presenters who are assigned planned presentations are encouraged to contact
the moderator two weeks before the meeting to confirm that they intend to
make the presentation. It is the presenter’s responsibility to contact the
moderator if he/she is not able to conduct the presentation.
Working with a coach, the presenter will use the Coaching and Presentation
form to clarify his or her thoughts about the issue. A printable version of the
Coaching and Presentation form is located in the Toolbox and can be
downloaded from the Forum site of MyYPO.
Coach’s
Contributions
Coaching ensures that presentations are adequately detailed, focused and
organized. Without coaching, presentations tend to be superficial, disorganized
and unfocused, and presenters may be unclear in their expectations.
A coach may be any Forum member other than the presenter. For planned
presentations, the coaching will take place between meetings. For impromptu
presentations, the coaching session can take place at a break after the
updates.
Coaches use the Coaching and Presentation form to assist the presenter to:
•
Prepare the presentation according to the guidelines
•
Organize information
•
Define the main issues
•
Become clear in his/her expectations
•
Include all the facts and feelings
•
Communicate at a deeper level of sharing instead of describing the
situation
A sample Coaching and Presentation form is found in the Toolbox.
41
Forum Website
To print a Forum Coaching and Presentation form:
1. Go to MyYPO.
;
Timekeeper’s
Contributions
A coach must avoid problem solving for the presenter. Your job as
coach is to help the presenter organize his/her thoughts to make a
well-structured presentation.
The timekeeper uses a digital watch or clock or other accurate timing method,
preferably one that is silent.
The timekeeper alerts the moderator when a presentation or update is nearing
and has reached its time limit. Also, the timekeeper tracks the time during the
other parts of the presentation, such as the clarifying questions and discussion.
The timekeeper actively participates in all Forum activities including
communication starters, updates and presentation discussion.
Scribe’s
Contributions
42
The scribe captures the content (the “what”) of the presentation discussion.
Guidelines for scribes:
•
Do not record or summarize the presenter’s information.
•
Do capture the input from Forum members, including their ideas, opinions
and questions.
•
If identifying the contributor in writing, be sure to use a code word instead
of the actual name. These notes may be leaving the room and
confidentiality must be preserved.
•
Write clearly and concisely.
•
The scribe actively participates in all Forum activities including
communication starters, updates and presentation discussion.
•
Give presentation notes to the presenter at the completion of the
discussion. The presenter may choose to destroy the notes after reviewing
them to further ensure confidentiality.
Processor’s
Contributions
During the presentation discussion, the processor observes and listens for how
Forum Protocol is or is not being used. Generally, the processor waits for the
allotted time at the end of the presentation to review Forum Protocol. In
extreme situations, the processor may interrupt the presentation to point out a
lapse in Forum Protocol that could lead to defensiveness of the presenter.
In addition to performing the processor role, the processor remains an active
participant in the discussion.
The processor must ask these questions and then report to the group at the
end of the presenter’s discussion.
•
Did participants use “I” statements?
•
Were participants specific?
•
Did participants share personal experiences?
•
Did participants give advice?
•
Did participants try to “fix” it?
•
Did participants “should” on the presenter?
•
Did participants attack or interrogate?
•
Were participants non-judgmental?
•
Did participants make a short positioning statement before asking a
question?
•
What body language was observed?
;
Remember that the presentation discussion consists of content
(the “what”) and process (the “how”):
•
The scribe captures the content.
•
The processor analyzes the use of Forum Protocol.
43
CHAPTER 7: FORUM MEETINGS
Chapter 7: Forum Meetings
Successful Forums are ones that follow meeting structure, one of the Forum Success Principles. The
concept of meeting structure was introduced in Chapter 6: Forum Success Principles. This chapter
describes each part of the meeting in the order in which it occurs.
Fast Check-in
The meeting opens by welcoming everyone, reminding members to turn off
electronic devices and having members answer the question, “How are you?”
and “Is anything holding you back from engaging in Forum today?” Members
are brief in their replies, taking less than 1 minute each. The goal is to identify
roadblocks critical to getting engaged in Forum.
Clear the Air
The moderator allows members to “clear the air” by asking, “Are there issues
between Forum members that would cause you not to be fully engaged
today?”
When members have issues with one another, they cannot fully participate in
Forum. The issues always get in the way.
YPO-WPO offers an Issues Clearing Model, to help Forum members
constructively address their issues. This model is explained in Chapter 11:
Clear the Air and Issues Clearing.
Confidentiality
The moderator reminds members about the importance of confidentiality and
asks if issues have emerged during the month around confidentiality that are
limiting members’ trust today.
For example:
1. Have there been any possible breaches?
2. Any near misses?
3. Is there something you’re not sure of?
A confidentially case study may reviewed by the Forum.
Note: For more information on confidentiality, see Chapter 5, Forum Success
Principle 2: Confidentiality.
Communication
Starter
At this point in the meeting, a communication starter is conducted.
Communication starters are also called “ice breakers” or “self-discovery
exercises.” Usually, the communication starter has been selected before the
meeting.
When Used
In addition to the communication starter at the beginning of the meeting, a
communication starter is sometimes conducted before a presentation.
Communication starters play three primary roles in Forum.
44
•
They can be used to open and close meetings.
•
They set the tone and the mood for a member's presentation.
•
They can be used to quickly energize and focus the group during meetings
and on retreat.
Purposes
Communication starters:
•
Provide quick, individual snapshots.
•
Allow members to gain insight into others’ opinions, experiences or feelings
on a subject.
•
Help participants become more comfortable with sharing information about
themselves.
•
Help the group connect at a feeling level.
Communication Starters and the Johari Window
Since they allow members to open up and reveal part of themselves to other
members, communication starters open the Hidden part of the window.
Communication Starter Examples
A comprehensive list of communication starters is located in the Toolbox.
Additional sample communication starters can be found in the Forum section
of MyYPO. Many other sources of communication starters are available on the
Internet and through books.
Assign Timekeeper
The moderator assigns a timekeeper to track time during the entire meeting.
The timekeeper’s role will be to limit updates to 3 to 5 minutes and to make
sure that presentations are completed in the allotted time.
Updates
Forum meetings continue with an uninterrupted 3- to 5-minute update from
each member.
For the person giving the update, this is an opportunity to share significant
facts and feelings. For the other Forum members, updates are about listening.
Updates provide continuity for the Forum. They allow members to share new
and ongoing issues. From the updates, the Forum identifies potential
presentations and topics. Issues and opportunities can exist in the categories
of business, family and personal.
Using the Update Preparation Form
•
Five minutes of Forum time is given to members to complete an Update
Preparation Form. Several versions of this form exist.
•
When completing the form, be introspective. Take some time to consider
what has been going on in your life since the last meeting and what you
are anticipating or dreading in the future. Seriously think about what you
will communicate in your allotted time. What you say in the update affects
what will be put into the Parking Lot and into a potential presentation.
•
Include your key issues. Think about the top and bottom five percent of
your life. The update is not a travelogue. Instead of listing the daily events
that have occurred, this is a time to reflect on what really impacted your life.
•
Focus on potential opportunities as well as issues that are sapping your
energy or causing stress.
45
;
When thinking about updates, members are often reminded
that “It’s all about me.”
This statement reminds us that the content of the update
should focus on your life and your feelings and that the Forum
is there to serve your needs.
Guidelines for Sharing Your Update
•
Take 3 to 5 minutes per person. The point is to check in, not to give the
whole story.
•
Be open and transparent.
•
Take risks. Get out of your comfort zone.
•
Be vulnerable. This allows people to see the “authentic you.”
•
Remember you are checking in with yourself and trying to update the
Forum about your life in a short amount of time. This can be a profound
experience for the person sharing as well as the people listening.
Guidelines for Listening to Updates
•
Updates are about listening.
•
Listen with your head and heart.
•
Listen without interrupting. Dialogues are never a part of the update.
Updates and the Johari Window
Like communication starters, updates allow members to open up and reveal
part of themselves to other members, opening up the Hidden part of the Johari
Window.
Update Preparation Form
A sample Update Preparation form is found in the Toolbox.
Forum Website
To print an Update Preparation Form:
1. Go to MyYPO.
46
Parking Lot
The Parking Lot is a list, usually written on a flip chart, which summarizes each
individual member’s key issues, feelings and priorities resulting from the
update.
In addition to the list on the flip chart, the moderator keeps an ongoing,
confidential notebook of Parking Lot issues from which to select future
presentations and topics.
The Parking Lot provides a means to manage issues and topics, and it helps
establish priorities for presentations.
Using the Parking Lot
•
After each update, each Forum member writes his/her key
issues/opportunities and feelings on the Parking Lot flip chart, as shown in
the sample below. Note that code names or initials can be used to protect
confidentially.
•
Each member determines priorities for his/her parking lot
issues/opportunities and writes them on the chart:
1=high urgency + high importance
2=high importance
•
The Forum takes about 1 minute to highlight any further observations, and
the member may then add additional issues to the Parking Lot. This minute
is not to be used to ask questions. If members have questions about other
members’ updates, they can write their questions on the back of their
update form and attend to these during the break.
•
Issues that are both important and urgent may become a presentation at
the meeting or may require an emergency meeting. Issues that are
important, but not urgent, may be scheduled for a future meeting.
A sample Parking Lot is shown here:
Presentation
Selection
Member
Issue
Feeling
Priority
C.D.
Aging mother
Sad
2
J.P.
Sales decline
Ashamed
1
T.K.
Succession planning
Excited/sad
2
A.L.
Son’s drinking
Scared/ mad
1
L.J.
Work vs. family
Guilty
2
Planned Presentation
Ideally, a Forum member has prepared a presentation before the Forum
meeting. The presenter and coach have met (ideal) or have talked by phone
(acceptable) so the Forum member is well-prepared.
If another issue is identified as more critical than the planned presentation, the
critical presentation can replace the planned presentation. When this occurs,
the planned presentation must be scheduled and presented at the following
meeting.
47
Impromptu Presentation
Most meetings include one or more impromptu presentations, selected from
the Parking Lot. When choosing impromptu presentations, consider the
following:
•
Is the issue causing a great deal stress or placing a negative impact on the
member? Issues that are extremely stressful or negative for the member
are given priority over other issues.
•
Has the member presented this year? Each member commits to a
minimum of one presentation a year. Given multiple urgent presentations,
the person who has not presented this year is given priority over someone
who has.
•
Is a member asking for time to discuss his/her issue? At times, a member
requests presentation time. If possible, this request is accommodated.
•
The information necessary for presenting the issue must be available.
Highly complex issues may require additional preparation time. Is there
enough preparation time? If the issue is urgent, an emergency meeting
may be called to allow adequate preparation time, yet respond to the
urgency of the member’s need.
Emergency Meeting
Emergency meetings are an integral part of the Forum experience.
A member may call an emergency meeting when:
•
An urgent issue arises between meetings
•
A Priority 1 presentation is not made during a meeting because of lack of
preparation time or lack of information
•
A Priority 1 presentation could not be made during the Forum meeting
because of the urgency of other presentations
Attendance at emergency meetings is expected, but not mandatory.
Roles and
Responsibilities
In the next part of the meeting, the moderator assigns roles for this and the
next meeting:
•
Coach for planned presentation
•
Coach for impromptu presentation
•
Scribe
•
Processor
(The timekeeper selected earlier for the update can perform this role for the
presentations.)
Note: For more information about these roles, see Chapter 6: Roles and
Responsibilities.
48
Break/Coach
Impromptu
Presentation
The impromptu presenter has not had time to think through how to present
his/her issue. Sitting down with a coach during a break allows the presenter to
focus and explore the different aspects of the issue.
Using the Coaching and Presentation Form
Using the Coaching and Presentation Form, the coach helps the presenter
organize thoughts, feelings and expectations.
The form consists of two pages.
•
Page 1: The coach reviews page 1 with the presenter, taking notes as
necessary.
•
Page 2: The presenter completes page 2, which he/she can use during the
presentation to ensure that the presentation is organized and complete.
Coaching and Presentation Form
A sample Coaching and Presentation Form is found in the Toolbox.
Forum Website
To print a Coaching and Presentation Form:
1. Go to MyYPO.
Planned
Presentation
The presentation is an opportunity for a Forum member to explore and focus
on a life issue. It is also an opportunity to help the member gain greater clarity
and insight into an issue. The presentation also allows Forum members to
learn from one another and to deepen their relationship as a result of the
sharing.
• Presentations are about sharing experiences.
• Presentations are the heart of the Forum meeting.
• At least one member is prepared to give a presentation.
• Coach and presenter have already met or talked between meetings.
• Coach communicates presenter’s expectations from the Forum before and
after the presentation. Optional: Conduct a Communication Starter.
• Presenter identifies level of confidentiality requested and time needed.
;
The combination of removing our masks and receiving
feedback in presentations can move us to the Unknown
or Potential Discovery Area.
49
Presentation Format
The table below provides the order and timeframe for parts of the presentation:
Presentation Format
Approximate
Timing
Coach facilitates Communication Starter (optional).
Coach sets up presentation (purpose, confidentiality, boundaries, obstacles,
feelings).
0-5 minutes
Presentation of issue (uninterrupted).
5-20 minutes
Moderator recaps purpose of presentation.
<1 minute
Clarifying and thought-provoking questions.
10 minutes
Silence to ponder what sharing is relevant.
1 minute
Moderator facilitates feedback:
• Members are called on to share their experience and insight.
• No “you have to”, “you should”, “we”, “one”, generalizing, or giving advice.
5-20 minutes
• Use “I” speaking from your head and your heart.
Closure:
• One sentence closure by each member that can give high recognition and
positive energy; everyone participates (optional).
• Presenter shares specific value gained.
• Presenter can request follow-up, on-going support.
• Processor delivers feedback on Forum Protocol.
• Scribe hands notes to the presenter.
• Close with reminder of confidentiality.
50
3 minutes
3 minutes
3 minutes
1 minute
Impromptu
Presentation and/or
Topic Discussion
As time permits, or in case of an emergency, impromptu presentations are
delivered during the meeting. Impromptu presentations follow the same
Presentation Format.
If no other presentations have been identified, the available time can be used
to discuss a topic of general interest.
Note: For information about topics, see Chapter 8: Topics.
Also at this time, presentations may be delivered that focus on a single issue
or an issue that has been previously presented. These presentations do not
follow the presentation format. Instead, about 5 minutes of presentation time
can be followed by about 5 minutes of feedback.
Presentations and the Johari Window
Presentations open two “shades” in the Johari Window. Like communication
starters and updates, they reduce the Hidden area when members open up
and reveal parts of themselves to others. The discussion part of the
presentation also reduces the Blind shade by allowing members to gain insight
into themselves by hearing the experiences and observations of others. The
combination of these two “openings” can move the member into the Unknown,
or Potential Discovery Area.
Housekeeping
Closure/Measure
Satisfaction
Housekeeping issues are handled at the end of the meeting by the moderator
and include:
•
Review details of next meeting (when and where)
•
Identify presenters and assign coaches for future meeting
•
Plan upcoming retreat
•
Discuss any other issues related to Forum, including finances, membership
issues and adherence to norms (attendance, etc.)
The moderator conducts this part of the meeting:
•
Ask members to destroy all flipchart pages and notes.
•
Conduct process feedback (What worked? What did not work? What to do
differently?)
•
Conduct a one-word or one-sentence closure exercise. For example,
“Something I learned today is…”
•
Provide a final confidentiality reminder.
51
CHAPTER 8: TOPICS
Chapter 8: Topics
Forum topics are areas of shared interest to a majority of members that are discussed and explored by
the Forum. Topics are an important part of Forum and very often are the basis for advancing the Forum
to a high level of self-disclosure and member growth.
Selecting Topics
Sometimes topics emerge during the group's updates. As the updates
continue, a pattern develops, revealing that several members are referring to
the same thing with only slight variations among them.
When to Use
Topics
Topics are sometimes a part of regular meetings or often used in a retreat
setting, where more time is available.
During meetings, topics are usually discussed during the time normally allotted
to impromptu presentations.
Sample Topics
Topics can be created from all areas of members’ lives, including work, family
and personal. Some sample topics are:
1. Work/life balance.
2. Fulfillment and meaning in life.
3. Coping with loss (i.e., life after divorce, death of family member or friend).
4. Replacing fear with faith and hope (i.e., during an illness of self or family
member).
5. Defining success (i.e., from success to significance).
6. Disappointment and disillusionment.
7. Dealing with the challenges of a new workforce (i.e., work ethic,
commitments, values, motivation and reward).
8. Identifying high-potential people — mentoring and development.
9. Aging parents.
10. Parenting children.
Forum Website
To find Forum Topic exercises:
1. Go to MyYPO.
52
CHAPTER 9: RETREATS
Chapter 9: Retreats
Retreats are an excellent opportunity for the group to build a more intimate bond that will help the
Forum reach higher levels during its regular meetings.
A retreat can help a stale Forum revitalize itself, and it can help a well-run Forum enhance its
performance. In any case, the Forum will complete a Forum Survey prior to the retreat in order to get
the best analysis of the Forum’s current state of health.
Selecting a Retreat
Topic
When selecting a retreat topic that will have a meaningful impact on your
Forum, consider individual and group needs and goals. The overall goal is to
have an intimate and bonding experience. There are, however, further
considerations that would lead you to the appropriate selection of exercises.
Consider:
•
Issues/subjects Forum members brought up during the year not covered in
a regular meeting.
•
Where in the Life Cycle is your Forum?
•
o
If in Growth, certain exercises will be more appropriate.
o
If in Decline, different exercises would be more suitable.
o
Did the Forum Survey suggest certain topics for discussion?
Are you introducing or have you recently introduced new members to your
Forum? If so, exercises that provide background context should be
considered because these will accelerate a new member’s integration.
Forum Website
To find Forum retreat exercises:
1. Go to MyYPO.
Timing of Retreats
Almost every Forum enjoys an annual or semi-annual retreat. Retreats can
vary greatly but usually last between one and a half and five days.
Some Forums start the year off with a retreat, or use it as an introduction point
for new members. Others don’t have a strategy associated with their timing but
make sure that it happens without fail. In most Forums the retreat is
mandatory. When scheduling a retreat it is critical that every member is able to
attend.
Certified Forum
Facilitators in
Renewal
Forums often hire a Certified Forum Facilitator to facilitate their retreats. Not
only does this facilitator relieve the moderator of many responsibilities, but he
or she can also provide effective member instruction to the whole Forum. An
outside facilitator is also quite helpful for a Forum that is trying to grow to the
next level.
53
CHAPTER 9: RETREATS
A retreat is an opportunity to undertake Forum SuperCharge conducted by a
Certified Facilitator. Consult the Forum Facilitator Directory in the Forum
section of MyYPO for the most up-to-date list of Certified Forum Facilitators.
Certified Forum Facilitators help you plan your retreat as well as conduct the
retreat activities. While using a Certified Facilitator for retreats is optional, there
are several times in a Forum’s life that outside assistance may be especially
helpful.
Retreat Planning
54
•
A First Retreat – A Certified Forum Facilitator can help to reaffirm your
Forum norms and set the tone for communication that will take the Forum
to higher levels.
•
Enriching the Forum – All Forums can benefit from having an outside
resource. Even Forums in Prime can continue to grow and be enriched.
•
For Stale Forums – When the monthly meetings become repetitive and
boring, and members begin to waiver in their commitment, a strong retreat
experience can help revitalize and energize the Forum.
•
Weak Moderators – Sometimes a moderator will feel overwhelmed in
leading a Forum. A Certified Forum Facilitator can model best-practice
facilitation skills and help coach and empower the moderator to regain his
or he effectiveness.
•
Severe Forum Conflict – Occasionally a Forum experience can produce
great tension that can, in extreme cases, result in the disintegration of the
Forum. A Certified Forum Facilitator who understands how to resolve
conflict can, in the context of a retreat, help to sensitively resolve the
problem and help the Forum heal and grow.
For detailed information on planning retreats, go to the Forum section of
MyYPO.
CHAPTER 10: CHALLENGING SITUATIONS AND PERSONALITIES
Chapter 10: Challenging Situations and Personalities
Difficult situations sometimes arise in Forums. In addition, most Forums at some time are confronted
with difficult personalities that the moderator and the Forum must manage.
This chapter addresses some common challenging situations and personalities.
For detailed explanations for many of the following, please consult your chapter Forum Officer,
Spouse Forum Coordinator or [email protected].
Addictions
Situation: A member appears to be addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex,
food, or other substances or behaviors.
Comments: As with all critical issues, it is important for Forum members to
treat each other with honesty and compassion. This action requires a sensitive
balance of supporting others without enabling them. It means Forum members
may need to take the challenging risk of telling the truth as they see it. Doing
this effectively requires that the group has established a strong enough sense
of safety.
The member should first be confronted privately as to his awareness of the
perception of his addictive behavior. Keep in mind that, while you may be
focused on the impact the Forum will have on the member, the addictive
member will have an impact on the group. Addicts and alcoholics can be
emotionally dangerous people, to themselves and to others, so it is helpful for
the moderator or other Forum members to get support from a professional
trained in the intervention and treatment of alcoholics and addicts before
undertaking an intervention.
One source of support can be the Member to Member Exchange. You might
be able to get support from other YPO-WPO members who understand
addiction, possibly from being recovering addicts or alcoholics themselves.
Once the member has been confronted, he or she and the group will have to
decide their future together.
To the extent that the addict would be willing to seek help, all members should
encourage it. In the absence of the member recognizing his/her problem, it is
up to the Forum members to decide how much his problem negatively impacts
their lives. To the extent that it does not, then life simply goes on. To the extent
that is does, then it is advisable to ask the Forum member to leave as a
statement of the severity of his/her problem.
The key point to remember is that addicts need boundaries. Without
boundaries, the other Forum members risk becoming enablers or
victims.
Attendance
Situation: What are effective norms for attendance, and what can be done if a
member is not complying?
Comments: Attendance, along with confidentiality, is a high priority in Forum.
Attendance is an indicator of commitment. The group must schedule meetings
so that all members can attend. Members need to regard attendance as
mandatory and be willing to clear their calendars of other engagements to
attend Forum meetings. The Forum must develop a norm about commitment
that includes a number of acceptable absences for each member per meeting
55
year. Emergencies and other events emerge and this issue merits dialogue
among Forum members.
Typical norms are:
•
We will meet 10 times per year.
•
100% attendance is expected.
•
Within the Forum year, a second absence by a member will require a
commitment review to determine if the member will remain in the Forum.
•
We invite any member to call an emergency meeting of the Forum.
Attendance at an emergency meeting is voluntary.
•
We will go on an annual retreat, and attendance at the retreat is
mandatory.
Each member will advise the moderator prior to an absence.
Sometimes a member misses a retreat due to unforeseen circumstances. The
remaining members of the group need to discuss whether the mandatory
retreat attendance policy will be enforced.
When the absence is for an exceptional reason, if they want the member to
continue with the group, the group needs to discuss whether the exception is a
precedent that “lowers the bar” for the entire group, or if the special nature of
this exception is clear. Finally, the group discusses the issue with the absent
member to confirm his future commitment to the group.
Business Conflicts
Situation: After a Forum has been established for a while, two members find
they have a business conflict because of a merger, investment in a member’s
company, a new deal, a new job or for another reason.
Comments: The general rule of thumb is that the person who created the
conflict must leave the Forum. Even if the two members say the conflict is
marginal and won’t affect their ability to be open in Forum, often that’s more
hopeful than it is realistic. Each member must truly believe that there is nothing
they wouldn’t discuss.
Note: See Chapter 5: Forum Success Principles, Forum Success Principle 5:
Membership, “Conflicts of Interest.”
Warning: Be cautious of any business dealings between/among members. If
the dealings fail, the resulting conflict, expressed openly or not, could hurt the
entire Forum.
Cliques
Situation: A strong subgroup has formed and it is experienced as damaging
to the Forum members outside the clique. The clique can dominate meetings
and retreats, affecting both tone and content. The clique members are getting
most of their needs met from each other and are less likely to take the initiative
to get to know the other members better.
Comments: It is natural for each Forum member to feel more allied with some
members than with others. It can occur from comfortable personality matches,
common outside interests, similar businesses, or from having close friendships
outside of the Forum. A clique is more extreme, but has the same roots.
56
A Forum is at its best when there is a strong feeling of commonality across all
members. Good Forum practices such as communication starters (see
Chapter 7: Forum Meetings) are designed to build that feeling of commonality.
Take a look at this Forum Guidebook to see if you are following good
practices. Consider team-building exercises.
Some Forums recognize that the strength of the group comes from the
strength of the many one-on-one relationships within the group. To develop
those relationships they require that each member meet with one other
member for breakfast or lunch each month, with the list rotated so that each
pair meets once during the year. This can help dissolve the boundaries of a
clique.
Confidentiality –
Breaches
Situation: A Forum member believes a confidentiality breach has taken place.
Disruptive Member
Situation: This member disrupts the Forum in numerous ways.
Comments: Breaches need to be addressed seriously, even if it’s a “close
call,” where no damage has resulted. Any breach damages the group’s level
of trust. A very frank discussion needs to occur so the members can specify
under what conditions the trust would be restored so they would share at a
deeper level in the future. Some Forums have a policy that confidentiality
breaches will result in expulsion from the Forum. Remember that
confidentiality requires constant vigilance to maintain. Most confidentiality
breaches are unintentional, yet the damage is the same.
•
He/she comes late and/or leaves early.
•
He/she takes extra and/or extended breaks.
•
He/she takes or makes phone calls during the meeting.
Comments: Some of these disruptions can't be avoided and need to be
tolerated. However, if a pattern is developing, it needs to be stopped. These
disruptions are best dealt with in the group as a part of the "process feedback"
at the end of the meeting.
Divorce and
Spouse Forums
Situation: A couple in the chapter is getting divorced. The spouse belongs to
a Spouse Forum. What is the recommended action?
Comments: Try to deal with the situation in advance in the Spouse Forum
norms. The chapter Forum Officer, or better yet the Spouse Forum
Coordinator, might strongly suggest/insist that the Spouse Forum norms
include a “divorce clause.” In addition, the chapter can have policies in place
defining spousal continuation in the event of divorce. Having policies in place
in advance allows the chapter or Forum to discuss the principles they wish to
follow rather than having to appear to be reacting to an individual member’s
situation when it occurs.
Typically, chapters and Forums allow continued participation in Spouse
Forums for some period of time from the beginning of the divorce process.
This might be six months, or until the divorce is finalized. This temporary
continuation is seen as a way to provide support for a valued friend when it’s
needed most without offering indefinite membership.
57
Divorce – Impact
on a Member
Situation: A Forum member is getting divorced. How can the Forum best
provide support?
Comments: Forum members faced with a divorce tend to minimize its impact
in their personal and business lives. As such, Forum members would do well
to allow time for the divorcing member to express feelings of bitterness,
resentment, anger, loss and regret during the divorce. Additionally, the Forum
can emphasize that for many people, the emotional state during divorce may
inhibit the ability to make good business judgments. The Forum can offer help
and support on the business side if the member desires it.
Maintain an environment of empathic listening without judgments as the
member endures the divorce process. Have social or “friend-level” contact
with the divorced member between meetings. Let him/her know that he/she is
cared for, especially by those members who are still married. Welcome the
divorced member’s companions at social events or chapter meetings. Spend
time with the member if he/she is alone at chapter meetings.
Dominant
Member(s)
Situation: One or more members dominate the meetings (e.g., monopolizing
“air time,” interrupting discussions, forcefully arguing his point of view rather
than listening).
Comments: It is helpful if one of the group’s values or norms is that everyone
shares and participates in the group process. To put this into practice the
moderator needs to ensure equal airtime for members. This can include strict
timekeeping and the use of a Parking Lot to store issues until later. If a
member attempts to dominate during the course of a discussion, the moderator
can manage airtime by:
•
Acknowledging the dominant member’s contribution and then indicating the
benefit of hearing other members’ views on the issue.
•
Acknowledging the dominant member’s comments and then starting a
directed go-round moving away from the dominant member.
•
Keeping track of which members have commented on the issue and
offering those who have not participated in the discussion the chance to do
so before allowing others a second turn.
If these practices don’t help, address the individual off-line and ask him about
his level of awareness of his dominance. If he or she denies the problem and
continues to dominate the group, then it may be time to confront the issue with
the group as a whole. This action would include discussions about whether he
or she belongs in the Forum.
Note: See Chapter 5: Forum Success Principles, Forum Success Principle 5:
Membership, “Removal of a Member”.
Hijacker (Also
Known as "Hit And
Run")
58
Situation: This member has another agenda and tries to impose it on the
group. If the Forum is discussing a subject that doesn't interest this member,
he/she will attempt to minimize it (at the presenter's expense) in an effort to
move on. If the Forum is operating at a deeper level than he/she is
comfortable with, this member will use inappropriate humor or sarcasm to
interrupt the momentum and cause the group to lose the moment (again at the
presenter's expense). Or this member may attack the moderator to get his/her
way.
Comments: The "hijacker" must be stopped and it will probably take the entire
Forum to get through to him/her. The moderator can call the behavior and
stop it. At the same time the moderator will create and maintain a safe
environment— for all members, including the hijacker. The moderator might
make observations and express concern over the effect of his/her comments
and/or behaviors on the presenter (or the group). Then the moderator could
check it out with the presenter (or the group). In addition, an off-line discussion
may be required. But generally, this member will accept the feedback from the
Forum and honor the group's wishes. If not, this member may need to resign.
Inequality in Group
Situation: There is a hierarchy in the group that determines who is “in charge”
or whose opinion is most valued.
Comments: A healthy Forum works to create equality and part of Forum
Protocol is designed to support equality. Giving each member the opportunity
to speak, using a “parking lot” to hold onto topics that aren’t being discussed at
the moment, and expecting all members to follow attendance norms are some
of the methods for fostering equality. During the life of the Forum, and even
during the life of an individual meeting, each member must have the chance to
contribute, be listened to and be valued.
When the hierarchy is no longer subtle and fluid but is pronounced and rigid,
the Forum may no longer be operating as a peer group. In many ways this is
similar to Cliques. If meeting protocol has deteriorated, then getting back to
the basics may work. Consider discussing the issue openly. Use language
that talks about your own experience: “I feel my opinion isn’t valued in our
discussions,” or “for the last four years Frank and Bill have suggested a less
expensive retreat and they’ve been ignored. If I were one of them, I wouldn’t
feel listened to by this group, many of whom have more money.”
Investing in Other
Forum Member’s
Businesses
Situation: A member has either a public company or a private company in
need of capital. Forum members are interested.
Comments: We highly recommend not investing in each other’s businesses,
and that you develop an explicit norm to that effect.
Note: For additional explanation, see Chapter 5: Forum Success Principles,
Success Principle 5: Membership, “Investing in Other Forum Members’
Businesses.”
Jokester
Situation: Appropriately timed humor may be a great way to move the Forum
away from too much intensity by providing perspective, but humor injected
inappropriately can destroy the Forum's ability to achieve deep and meaningful
sharing.
Comment: The moderator is charged with keeping the meeting climate safe at
all times. So any jokes or one-liners that destroy openness, self-disclosure or
vulnerability need to be stopped, even if the jokester is funny.
Judge
Situation: This member is judgmental and "shoulds" all over everyone. This
member is not open to opinions that differ from his/her own. The "judge"
creates an unsafe environment and can shut a group down fast.
59
Comment: This member must be stopped with each and every offense. The
moderator can remain both patient (with mistakes) and persistent (with
adherence to protocol). If the behavior persists, the moderator may need to
initiate a discussion with the Forum about the effects of the behavior on the
group. In addition, an off-line discussion may be required. But generally, this
member will accept the feedback from the Forum and honor the wishes of the
group. If not, this member may need to resign.
Leaving Your
Forum
Situation: A Forum member is not getting what he or she wants from his
Forum and is therefore considering leaving the group.
Comments: First the member must try to change himself and conform and/or
try to change the group to meet his needs. Bringing in a professional resource
to work with the group may greatly help this situation. A session must be
designed to create mutual respect, define the group’s values, work with the
group’s diversity, and develop a set of formal and informal norms for the
group’s operation. When Forums work, each Forum member desires to be an
active member of the group and at the same time sees an opportunity to be
authentic and truthful while in the group.
Sometimes, however, a member feels that he or she cannot be an active
member of the group while still being truthful and authentic. He might have
deeply different values than others in the group, or might feel unsafe when
other members are behaving in the way that’s safest for them. Leaving a
Forum doesn’t mean leaving your relationships with all the individuals in it.
Meeting one-on-one with your friends in the group, especially shortly after
leaving, can be a way of demonstrating that you were leaving the group, not
rejecting their friendships.
Members Nobody
Wants in a Forum
Situation: The chapter has admitted a new member who wishes to join a
Forum. In spite of having openings, no Forums want to take this particular
person.
Comments: Forum is a privilege, not a right. Some people have never been
invited to join a Forum. At the same time, however, most chapters sell Forum
strongly, especially when recruiting. Members expect to be able to join a
Forum.
Many chapters are now trying to keep from admitting people into membership
who might not fit in Forum. Membership committees will have members who
are in Forum and they must decide whether the candidate would be welcome
in their Forum. Candidates who don’t pass this screen are then not admitted to
the chapter.
If a member is already part of the chapter and no other Forum wants this
individual, you may serve both the candidate member and your own Forum by
bringing in this non-homogeneous member. Do this with an open mind and not
out of a desire to “rescue” him. What can he or she learn from you?
What can you learn from him/her? As part of the invitation to join the Forum,
be very direct regarding both your concerns about his/her behavior, and the
requirements he/she must follow. Express your confidence (and you must feel
this) that the relationship will work.
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Members of
Opposite Sex
Situation: A Forum with an opening for a new member is considering whether
to add a member of the opposite sex.
Comments: Ideally, this would be treated the same as adding any new
member – if there’s not a business conflict, go ahead. Including a member of
the opposite sex brings one particular type of diversity to the group. Many
Forums find they are richer for becoming a mixed-sex Forum. Often mixed-sex
Forums want to continue as such when they have member turnover.
When adding a member of the opposite sex, it can be helpful to have a group
discussion about assumptions each sex makes about the other in the Forum
setting. Specific attention should be given to how assumptions about the
opposite sex can affect openness in the group. Issues that arise could include:
•
•
•
“I may feel inhibited talking about my sex life because…”
“I may hold off on talking about my marriage because…”
“How will you feel if we tell off-color jokes at dinner and smoke cigars?
You may be just fine, but I may be intimidated.”
Bringing these issues into the open can help “clear” them, and improve the
group’s safety going forward.
Mental Illness,
Depression
Situation: A Forum member is perceived as being mentally ill (see also
“Suicidal Members” and “Addictions” in this chapter).
Comments: Determining that a member is mentally ill is outside the
competence of Forums. This is complicated by the likelihood that the member
in question must be functioning well in some areas to achieve the success that
YPO-WPO membership requires.
While diagnosis is outside a Forum’s scope, it is appropriate to discuss
privately with the member the nature of behavior you have observed which
gives rise to your concerns. If help is needed, acknowledge the
inappropriateness/inability of the Forum group to handle issues beyond its
scope. The Forum can act as a resource network to recommend professional
psychiatrists, social workers and psychologists.
Meeting Behaviors
Situation: Other members consider the actions of one or more members
inappropriate.
Comments: There are many kinds of offensive actions that can arise within
Forum. Advice on each of the following may be found in the Frequently Asked
Questions section in the Forum section of MY YPO: Avoidance of deep or
delicate issues, Banter and Humor (Zingers), Conflicts both Open and
Unspoken, Non-Participant in Dialogues, Poor Communicator, Verbal Attacks,
Issues with Boundaries, Strong Emotions such as Repeated Outbursts,
Spontaneous Outbursts and Anger.
Minimizer
Situation: This behavior is filled with judgment about another member's issue.
Typically the comment is phrased like "It's no big deal," "Relax, get over it,
you'll survive," "Life is too short to keep worrying about that kind of stuff."
Comments: Obviously these are put-downs that discount another member's
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issues and are unacceptable. They inhibit openness by undermining trust.
Moderator
Problems
Situation: A Forum’s moderator is not handling the task well. The problems
could be passivity, not planning, over-control, or any number of behaviors that
are serving the group poorly.
Comments: It is critical that the moderator goes through a Forum Moderator
Development workshop. If the moderator has completed this workshop and is
still ineffective, then the other Forum members need to take action if they want
change. The Forum will need to get the issue on the table for
discussion/resolution. Ideally, find a way to help the moderator release the job
while “saving face.” The object isn’t to shame the person for his shortcomings
but to change who moderates the group.
Note: See Chapter 12: Transitions, “Firing a Moderator.”
Punctuality
Situation: What are effective norms for punctuality and how do we deal with a
member who is often late?
Comments: Punctuality, like attendance, is critical to the functioning of a
group. Forums are comprised of busy people with busy lives. Punctuality is
one way to respect the precious time of members and increase group
effectiveness. If members drop in at staggered times it disrupts the flow and
consequently, the trust and effectiveness developed in the group. Meetings
need to start and end on time. You may want to set up automatic, no-fault
penalties for lateness such as a monetary fine or an action such as taking all
the members to lunch.
Quiet Member
Situation: This member is a low participator. This may occur for a number of
reasons: shy, new to the group, not comfortable with the topic (nature of or
experience with), does not feel safe with the group.
Comments: If the issue is shyness or lack of time with the group, the meeting
structure will help because it calls for each member to say something at least
seven times in every meeting. If the member is not comfortable with the topic,
it's OK for others to take the lead. If the issue is safety, the moderator must find
out what it will take for the member to feel safe and work toward that goal.
This discussion is best handled off-line; it is not appropriate to attempt to flush
this out in front of the group.
It is also not appropriate to force participation; however, it is appropriate to
encourage participation. The member might not be ready to be the presenter
but might be willing to act as another member's coach.
Stale Forums
Situation: Meetings are superficial, predictable or boring.
Comments: All Forums go through life cycles. It’s common to have periods of
staleness. The danger is to let those periods continue to the point that the
Forum becomes a waste of time and dies. A Forum can spend a long time
stuck in a stage where members aren’t getting what they want.
Staleness arises from unresolved issues in the Forum. To avoid experiencing
difficult feelings, the group is becoming safe, dull and depressed. Review all
the other topics listed in this troubleshooting guide and see if there might be
62
unresolved difficulties underlying the group’s staleness. Use the Forum
Survey to assess and then discuss members’ views of the Forum, or use the
Forum Life Cycle framework for a discussion.
If the issue is general staleness, not underlying conflict, solving the problem
starts with naming and discussing it. Someone, either the moderator or a
member, can raise the issue of staleness in the group for the purposes of
dialogue and action planning. Revisit the group’s values. What do you want to
get out of Forum? Have each member state what he dislikes about the way
things are going, what is good/great, and what they’d like to see happen in the
future. This is an excellent exercise to help people focus and be specific and
forward thinking. Use a flip chart to capture it all, consolidate it in printed form,
and refer back to it every couple of meetings.
Suicidal Members
Situation: A member talks about suicide.
Comments: Dealing with the threat of suicide is outside a Forum’s
competence. Professional help is necessary. The following comments may
help you understand a bit more about suicide, how professional assistance is
necessary, and how sometimes the help needs to be immediate.
There are two forms of suicidal talk.
•
The first is where a person discusses a particular plan, e.g., purchase of a
gun. In this case, immediate action must be taken to protect the person’s
life; specifically, the person should be kept under watch until professional
mental health personnel can evaluate him. Accompany the member to a
doctor or hospital, or contact spouse or other family members to get
appropriate professional help immediately.
•
The second form is called passive suicidal ideation; e.g., “Sometimes I
don’t really care if I wake up in the morning.” In this case, his comments
should be talked about directly with him/her and attempts made to steer
him/her toward appropriate mental health assistance. It is a fact of the
despondent person’s life that while he/she is in desperate need of help,
he/she may be often most reluctant to seek that help.
In the event a Forum member commits suicide, consider bringing in a mental
health professional to talk with your group. It’s important for Forum members
to know that they can’t stop a suicidal individual. Understanding the
psychology of suicide can help the members deal with their feelings of loss,
anger, frustration, and powerlessness.
63
CHAPTER 11: CLEAR THE AIR AND ISSUES CLEARING
Chapter 11: Clear the Air and Issues Clearing
When members have issues with one another, they cannot fully participate in Forum. Uncleared
issues get in the way of a true Forum experience.
There are two parts to handling issues between members: First, the issue can be raised by one or
more members, and second, the issue can be explained. The meeting structure of Forum provides a
time for members to raise issues they may have with other members. During the Fast Check-In at the
beginning of every meeting, the moderator “clears the air” by asking, “Are there issues between
people in the Forum that would cause you not to be fully engaged today?”
When an issue does exist, YPO-WPO offers an Issues Clearing Model to help Forum members
constructively explain their issues. This model allows members to get “clean” with one another about
an issue or conflict they have. It also allows members to express themselves about issues they have
with the Forum. The purpose of the model is not necessarily to achieve resolution but rather for issues
and conflicts to be brought into the open. Commonly, after an issue is surfaced cleanly, it resolves
itself naturally.
Why Use the
Issues Clearing
Model
Often, when the first person in the Forum has the courage to use the model to
air an issue, the dam will burst, and other minor and major issues between
members will surface. Once issues are cleared using this model, members can
support one another on deeper personal or business issues without
subconsciously being sidetracked by unresolved interpersonal conflicts.
When to Clear
Issues
Issues may be cleared outside of Forum, and with many issues, it is
appropriate or even ideal to do so.
It is appropriate to clear an issue in Forum if the issue affects the Forum, such
as lateness, use of a Blackberry-type device during Forum, etc., or if the
person clearing the issue has not had a chance to clear prior to Forum and is
being blocked in Forum by the uncleared issue.
Who Can Clear
Issues
An individual may have an issue with the Forum, however, the Forum may not
have an issue with an individual.
If several members have an issue with an individual, the individual members
will clear the issue one-on-one.
It is NEVER appropriate to say, “Others feel the same as I do.” This is
deflating to the person being cleared with and is highly ineffective.
Using the Model
Using the Issues Clearing Model presupposes that the person clearing the
issue cares about his or her relationship with the other person enough to want
to clear the air. If the member affirms the importance of the relationship with
the other person when beginning the issues clearing, the model becomes
easier to use. (“I’m clearing this issue with you because it’s important to me to
have nothing blocking my ability to be close to you.”)
The success of any issues clearing model hinges on the participants’ ability to
mirror the statements and emotions of each other as accurately as possible,
without becoming detoured by innate defense mechanisms.
In the issues clearing model presented here, Person A is the person with the
issue to be raised. Person A’s job is to present the issue, including his/her
feelings, judgments, personal responsibility in the issue, and wants. Person B
is the member that Person A has an issue with. B’s job is to listen attentively
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CHAPTER 11: CLEAR THE AIR AND ISSUES CLEARING
and to reflect back to Person A what Person A has said.
Issues Clearing Model Progression
The following outlines the steps taken by Persons A and B to use the model.
1. “A” presents the issue using this structure:

The Facts: “A” states the facts. (“Here’s what happened…” The facts
must be recordable and verifiable, such as: “You were 15 minutes late
to Forum today and left early last month.”)

The Judgment: “A” states his/her judgment about the issues. (“Here’s
what that meant to me…”)

The Feelings: “A” states his/her feelings (emotions) about the issue.
(“The emotion I felt when I interpreted the facts this way was…”) Be
careful that the emotion stated is actually an emotion, and not another
judgment or interpretation.

Responsibility: “A” states his/her part in creating the issue. (“My
contribution to this is…”)

The Want: “A” states what he/she wants. (“…and what I want now
is…”)
2. “B” restates, or mirrors back – with the sincere intent to understand –
what he/she heard from “A” using this structure:

Facts: “B” mirrors back A’s facts and gets agreement from “A” about
their accuracy.

Feelings, Judgments and Wants: “B” mirrors back “A’s” emotions,
judgments and wants related to the issue. “A” verifies that “B” has
heard him/her correctly.

Question: “B” asks “A” if there is anything else that “A” wants to get
clean about (“Is there more?” – as with mirroring, this question must be
asked with the sincere intent to understand). The two parties use the
structures above until “A” has aired all of his/her feelings, judgments
and wants and “B” has mirrored them back to “A’s” satisfaction.
3. “B” may now respond directly to “A’s” wants or set a time when the two of
them can seek to resolve the issue. Resolution does not have to occur during
the Forum meeting. Often, “A” just wants to be heard about the issue and to
surface the issue in front of the group.
Forum Website
To print the Issues Clearing Model:
1. Go to MyYPO.
5. Look in the Forum Moderators section.
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CHAPTER 12: TRANSITIONS
Chapter 12: Transitions
Moving into or out of a Forum is always a time of transition. Most of the time, this transition occurs
normally, as when a new member is integrated into a Forum or a graduating member leaves.
Sometimes, the transition is less typical. This chapter discusses some of the less common transitions.
Note: To learn how to obtain, assess and integrate new members, see Chapter 5: Forum Success
Principles 5: Membership.
Exiting Members
At some point in every Forum, members will leave the group. Some will leave
voluntarily, because they are graduates or they are no longer qualified for
membership, while others are asked to leave the group.
Graduates
A graduate is a YPO member who no longer qualifies for Forum membership
because the age limitation has been reached.
There is a clear YPO-WPO International policy that graduates must leave
Forums when they leave YPO. Most chapters have their own policies that
graduates must leave a Forum. Most stipulate that departure be immediate,
though some give a year’s grace period that allows the member to stay in
Forum after the age limitation has been reached.
There are some compelling reasons for having a firm graduation policy:
•
Part of Forum is sharing important transitions together, including the
transition out of YPO and Forum.
•
Forum is not just about “getting,” it is about “giving,” too. Graduating
members and bringing in new, younger members is part of giving back
some of what you have gotten from Forum.
•
Bringing in new members can enhance the group’s vitality. For an aging
Forum it can also bring in the viewpoints of a newer generation of
presidents.
•
Forum membership takes place along with other YPO events that help
strengthen the relationships in the Forum. Once no longer a YPO member,
the graduate loses knowledge of what is happening with other YPO
members.
There are several ways to help the exiting member’s transition:
66
•
Prior to the recognition ceremony at the chapter level, at least one Forum
meeting should be spent on processing the graduate’s transition. Ask the
graduate to discuss what his or her participation in Forum has meant, and
then have fellow members reflect on what his/her participation has meant
to them.
•
Conduct a celebration, as described below.
•
WPO chapters can establish WPO Forums and invite future YPO
graduates to join during their final year or six months within leaving YPO. If
no WPO chapter exists, the YPO graduate can join WPO International and
form a Forum with other graduates with the possible goal of starting a WPO
chapter.
No Longer Qualified for YPO
Sometimes, Forum members must leave because they no longer qualify for
YPO. They may be moving to a different area, they may have sold the
business that initially qualified them, or they may have divorced their spouse,
who is the qualified member. Some chapters allow a one-year grace period for
members who have lost their qualification.
When members voluntarily leave YPO, it is important to bring closure to the
group by conducting an exit interview and/or celebration, as described below.
Grace Period
Some chapters adopt a norm that creates a one-year grace period for
members who are no-longer qualified for Forum membership. This one-year
period gives the exiting member time to adjust to the life change that is causing
him/her to leave Forum.
Non-Voluntary Removal of a Member
The removal of a member is one of the most traumatic events a Forum can
experience. The members of a Forum must decide if its norms have been
violated. Having written norms will change the discussion from one where the
group is saying, “we don’t like what you are doing” to one where it says, “your
behavior seems to be saying you don’t want to be part of the group.”
Leave of Absence
If a member is facing life situations that are in conflict with Forum attendance,
the Forum may offer a leave of absence. A return to the same Forum after the
leave is not automatic and needs to follow chapter procedure for placement in
a Forum.
Exit Interview
When a member voluntarily leaves, one way to bring closure to this
relationship is to have an exit interview. Exit interviews are best done in
person, using the following steps:
1. Member states their reasons for leaving (5-10 minutes).
2. Members ask questions in order to get comfort and understanding of the
situation – some that maybe helpful:
o Are there any other reasons for your decision?
o Is there something we can do better as a group that would cause you to
reconsider?
o Which will be your last meeting?
o Will you be joining another Forum?
3. Members make closing remarks (2 minutes/person).
Moderator re-affirms confidentiality to remind the exiting member that all
Forum information is confidential and to remind remaining members that they
are not to refer to the exiting member’s issues in or out of Forum.
67
Celebration
If a member is leaving because he/she is moving, graduating from YPO or if
he/she sold his/her company and doesn’t plan to re-qualify, this may be a time
of celebration. In this case, the following are some possibilities for celebrating
this transition:
1. Each member gives the departing member a symbolic gift representing
what they have received from him/her.
2. The group gives the existing member a signed and framed group photo.
3. The group celebrates with a farewell dinner.
4. Members share their gratitude with the departing member, including a
mention of something each person learned or gained from him/her.
The group gives the member a collage or scrapbook of photos as a memento.
Changing Forums
Forum members may choose to resign from a Forum that is not meeting their
needs. After discussing the resignation with their Forum, the member shall
notify the Forum Officer of his/her decision. Should the member desire a new
Forum, the FO/SFC will place the member’s name on the Forum Wait List and
address the request in the same “first registered, first placed” basis as all other
members.
Launching a New
Forum
YPO-WPO chapters can start new Forums when existing Forums are full
and/or at a healthy number and at least six to eight individuals are on the Wait
List.
A Forum launch meeting will be conducted the Forum Officer/Spouse Forum
Coordinator (FO/SFC), a Certified Forum Facilitator or a senior member of the
chapter with deep Forum experience.
The FO/SFC or an experienced moderator will serve as mentor until the group
is Forum-trained and a moderator is elected and completes the Forum
Moderator Development workshop. As a best practice, “seed” the new Forum
with an experienced Forum member to lead the group as the first moderator.
The entire Forum will complete a Forum Fundamentals workshop. In addition,
it is recommended that the Forum budget to fund a Certified Forum Facilitator
to facilitate the first Forum retreat within three to six months of launching the
Forum.
Integrating New
Members
See Chapter 5
Integrating a Male
Member into a
Spouse Forum
Sometimes, male spouses are reluctant to join a Spouse Forum, because they
do not believe it will meet their needs. Follow these best practices to ensure
that male spouses easily transition into the Forum:
68
•
Reassure male spouses that Forum will not just focus on "women's issues"
and that their needs will be met, particularly if they are actively engaged in
work outside the home.
•
Consider placing male spouses into a Forum with at least one other male
spouse.
•
Make sure Forum activities appeal to a majority of the group.
Firing a
Moderator
The Moderator is selected by the Forum and serves at the pleasure of the Forum,
usually for a term of 12-24 months. It is important that the group give regular feedback
to the moderator and each other by setting aside time at the end of each meeting to
quickly discuss "What worked, what didn't work, and what needs to change to enhance
the Forum experience."
When the conduct of the moderator is undermining the goals of the group, it is
important that the group be clear to the moderator on what needs to change. In some
circumstances, moderator behavior can be significantly improved by participation in
the Forum Moderator Development workshop. In other instances, one or more
members of the Forum could coach the moderator.
When efforts to improve moderator leadership have been unsuccessful, the group may
vote to ask the moderator to step down before the end of his/her term. This
sometimes is done when a moderator is confronting a personal or business crisis and
simply does not have time to focus on the group. In that case, the group is able to
communicate concern for the both the individual and the group by asking the
moderator to postpone his or her service until after the crisis has been resolved.
Ways to assist ineffective moderators include:
• Selecting an assistant moderator to assume some of the moderator duties.
• Requiring the moderator to complete the Forum Moderator Development
workshop.
• Asking Forum members who have been strong moderators to coach the individual.
• Ask the Forum Officer to provide coaching, tools, and resources.
Disbanding a
Forum
Forums may vote to disband for a number of reasons ranging from a lack of new
members to sustain the group to an unsatisfactory Forum experience for the majority
of members. Before voting to disband because of dissatisfaction, it is important for
Forums to bring in a resource to assist the group in diagnosing and working through
the issues that are preventing the Forum from achieving its goals. If the Forum is
unable or unwilling to move forward after working with the resource, then at least the
members will know that they have done their best to make the experience work.
Forums sometimes disband because they have one member that is dysfunctional...that
dominates the discussion, has a value system that is repulsive to the group,
communicates in a manner that alienates members and does not respect Forum
Protocol, etc. Rather than addressing the issues created by the dysfunctional
member, the Forum allows itself to be pulled apart. Forums, and particularly
moderators of Forums that have dysfunctional members, need to seek help in
addressing the matter before it destroys the group.
Another reason some Forums disband is to merge with another Forum. When
membership in two Forums drops to a low level and new members are unavailable to
replenish the group, it often makes sense for the two Forums to merge and create an
entirely new group. To be most successful, the merger of two existing Forums needs
to be treated like the launch of an entirely new Forum. Members need to elect a
moderator and assistant moderator, agree on a common vision and on Forum Norms
and schedule a retreat within the first three to six months to bond the group.
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TOOLBOX
Toolbox
The Toolbox is a collection of forms and other useful information. It consists of the following:

Forum Committee

ForumHelp

Forum Management

Forum Website

Certified Forum Facilitators

Living Forum Newsletter

Communication Starters

The Evolution of Forum

Forum Confidentiality Contract

Agreement Regarding Doing Business with Each Other in Forum

Update Preparation Form

Coaching and Presentation Form

Issues Clearing Model – Prompt Sheet

Forum Meeting Reference Guide

Forum Survey

Forum Survey Sample Results
Forum Website
To print the forms in the Toolbox:
1. Go to MyYPO.
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TOOLBOX
Forum Committee
The Forum Committee member’s names and contact information can be found on the Forum section of
MyYPO at the top right of the page.
YPO-WPO FORUM COMMITTEE POLICIES AND PROCEDURES
1. Members:
The Forum Committee is a Standing Committee and is comprised of the following members:
a. Voting Members by invitation of the Committee - not less than nine but no more than 15 member
champions to be comprised of:
1. Members representing the cultures of the diverse regions (though every region cannot be
represented on a board of this size).
2. The Chair who has been elected by the Committee to sit on the International Board of
YPO-WPO.
3. The past and current Global Leadership Forum Officer Workshop chair.
4. At least one spouse Forum champion representing the cultures of the diverse regions.
5. Three WPO/Alumni representatives who are WPO/Alumni Members and meet the other
eligibility criteria established by the Committee.
b. Non-Voting Members, by invitation of the Committee only:
1. Invited representation of the regions not represented on the Board (Champion Network)
2. Past Chair of the Forum Committee
3. Chairman of the International Board
4. CEO
5. Chief Networking Officer
2. Leadership:
a. A Chair of the Forum Committee and a Chair and Co-chair for the Forum Officers’ Workshop shall
be elected annually from among the members of the Committee, to serve a one-year term.
Election will take place by November, and the elected officer will take office the following July 1 of
each year.
b. The Chair of the Committee may serve up to two additional one-year terms.
c. The Forum Officer’s Workshop Chair as well as Co-Chair may serve up to two additional one-year
terms.
d. Candidates for the Forum Committee Chair must have served at least one year as an active
member of the Forum Committee and must be Members in good standing.
e. The Chair of the Forum Committee serves as a voting member of the YPO International Board of
Directors, for a period coterminous with his/her chairmanship.
3. Tenure and Selection of Committee Members:
1. Voting Committee members generally serve a two-year term; however, an appointment can be
made for a one-year term. No voting Committee member may serve more than two terms of two
years each. No term shall extend beyond a member’s membership in YPO-WPO.
2. The incoming Chair of the Forum Committee will work with the Chief Networking Officer to
develop a slate of candidates who meet the qualifications for Forum Committee membership
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TOOLBOX
based upon meritocracy and will present this slate to the full committee for a vote in the spring
each year. Once approved, the new members will assume their responsibilities on July 1.
4. Meetings:
1. The Forum Committee will meet in person each year at or adjacent to the Global Leadership
Conference, at a time to be determined by the committee Chair.
2. The Committee may choose to hold one additional in-person meeting each year.
3. All other meetings will take place via conference calls at times determined by the committee
Chair.
5. Authority and Responsibility:
The Forum Committee is responsible for ensuring the continuing quality, relevance, and vitality of
YPO-WPO’s Forum offerings, and for recommending new policies or changes in existing policies in
furtherance of YPO-WPO’s Forum programs. The Forum Committee has the following specific
responsibilities:
a. Serve as the guardian of the Forum processes.
b. Promote and protect standards of Forum confidentiality.
c. Champion the Forum concept across all of YPO-WPO and support the innovation and growth of
all types of alternative Forums.
d. Promote adherence to YPO-WPO membership standards in Forums
e. Review, establish, and maintain policies and procedures for supporting the Forum concept and
providing necessary resources at the chapter, regional, and International levels.
f. Review and manage the use of the Forum brand within YPO-WPO.
g. Evaluate and review all prospective YPO-WPO International Forum programs and programs that
incorporate Forum concepts and practices. Monitor and continuously improve the quality and
availability of trained Forum resources.
h. Encourage that every YPO-WPO member and spouse has access to the Forum experience.
i. Identify, recommend, and support new Forum champions and Forum products and the resources
to support them.
j. Oversee, review, and advise on such processes as ratings, evaluations, data collection and
retrieval, etc., as these relate to YPO-WPO Forums.
k. Oversee the evaluation process and make recommendations for all YPO-WPO Forum-related
awards, including those announced or presented at the annual Global Leadership Conference.
l. Oversee all champion workshops related to Forum, including the GLC workshops. This will include
program content, selection of chairmen and evaluation.
m. Be available to provide advice and counsel to the Chief Networking Officer and to YPO-WPO
International Forum Management.
n. Provide hearing and serve as ombudsman for member and Forum resource comments and
grievances in a timely and appropriate manner.
o. Recommend resolutions to the International Board of Directors.
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TOOLBOX
Forum Help
Contact [email protected] or leave a message on +1 972 587 1602. A panel of experienced
members, Certified Forum Facilitators and Forum management are available to help with any issue.
Forum Management
The Forum Management team member’s names and contact information can be found on the Forum
section of MyYPO at the top right of the page.
Forum Website
To access the Forum Website, go to:
1. www.MyYPO.org
2. Forum Tab
Certified Forum Facilitators
You can find the Certified Forum Facilitators on MyYPO at
1. Forum Tab
2. Go to Forum Resources section
3. Click on Certified Forum Facilitators
4. Sort by column by clicking on the column heading (Region, Country, etc)
Living Forum Newsletter
You can find Living Forum on MyYPO at
1. Forum Tab
2. Go to Forum Resources section
3. Click on Forum Tools and Resources
4. Go to General Resources
5. Click on Newsletter archives
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TOOLBOX
Communication Starters
Following are examples of Communication Starters. Additional sample Communication Starters can be
found in the Forum section of MyYPO. Many other sources of communication starters are available on
the internet and through books.
1. What was the high point of last month?
2. Who is the one (non-family member) person who has done the most to make you who you are
today? How was that person significant to you?
3. What was the most risky decision you ever made in your life? What made the risk so great?
4. Tell about one missed opportunity in your life.
5. List five peak experiences that have profoundly influenced your life (omit “marriage” and
“childbirth”).
6. List five crossroads in your life where your choice of paths made a difference.
7. Did you have a dream? What was it? Did you follow it? Do you have a dream now?
8. When was the last time you cried? By yourself? In front of another person?
9. What has been your biggest disappointment in life? Your biggest failure?
10. When was the last time you felt powerless?
11. Discuss your relationship with your mother and/or father. What was it like growing up?
12. When was the last time you felt intimidated in a Forum meeting?
13. What is your greatest success in your business, personal and family life? Your greatest failure?
14. What is your most treasured memory?
15. Describe the best day of your life. The worst day of your life.
16. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Is there anything you hope to do that is even
better?
17. When were you last in a fight? What caused it? Who won?
18. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
19. When has your life dramatically changed as the result of some seemingly random external
influence? How much do you feel in control of the course of your life?
20. When did you last yell at someone? (other than children) Did you regret it?
21. Since adolescence, in what three-year period do you feel you experienced the most personal
growth and change?
22. Have you ever considered suicide? What is so important to you that without it life would not be
worth living?
23. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
24. How many of your friendships have lasted more than 10 years? Which of your current friends do
you feel will still be important to you 10 years from now?
25. What important decision in your professional life have you based largely upon your intuitive
feelings? What about in your personal life?
26. What, from your childhood, has proved most valuable? Most difficult to overcome? Do you feel
that children should be sheltered from unhappiness?
27. What has been the most difficult period in your life?
28. Discuss a person(s) who influenced your life significantly.
29. Share an event that strongly influenced your life.
30. Describe a time when you put everything on the line to bet on yourself.
31. What is your biggest regret?
32. What is the one thing about yourself you like best?
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TOOLBOX
33.
34.
35.
36.
37.
a.
b.
c.
38.
39.
40.
41.
42.
43.
44.
45.
46.
47.
48.
49.
50.
51.
52.
53.
54.
55.
56.
57.
58.
59.
60.
If by magic you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? And why?
Make a “gratitude” list.
Tell us something about yourself that will help us know you better.
Finish this sentence: What I expect from people is. . .
Possible substitutes for the word “people” are spouse, children, parent, employees, etc.
Example:
What I expect from my family is ____________________
What I get from my family is _______________________
What I give to my family is _________________________
Take turns giving “positive feedback” to each member of the Forum. Start with one individual and
go around the group having each member express at least one quality they appreciate about the
member. (Use “I” statements and give positive feedback only.) Each member is to listen quietly
and graciously accept the feedback. (No self-discounting allowed.) Continue until all members
have received feedback.
If you were giving a dinner party and could invite any six people (living or dead), who would you
invite? How did you arrive at the list?
If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you
most regret not having told someone? What is stopping you?
What would constitute a “perfect” evening for you?
Would you rather be extremely successful professionally and have a tolerable yet unexciting private
life, or have an extremely happy private life and only a tolerable uninspiring professional life?
Whom do you admire most? In what way does that person inspire you?
Your house, containing everything you own catches fire; after saving your loved ones and pets, you
have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be?
What is the worst psychological torture you can imagine suffering? (Exclude anything causing even
minor physical injury.)
Is it easy for you to accept help when you need it? Will you ask for help?
Would you like to be famous? If so, in what way?
What are your most compulsive habits? How do you handle these?
What do you most strive for in your life: accomplishment, security, love, power, excitement,
knowledge or something else?
How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other
people’s?
Write a personal mission statement. What is your purpose? What are your values?
Who is the most important person in your life? What could you do to improve the relationship? Will
you ever do it?
What are your beliefs about a “Higher Power?”
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
What do you value most in a relationship?
Do you judge others by higher or lower standards than you use to judge yourself?
What things are too personal to discuss with others?
What do you like best about your life? Least about your life?
Make a list of traits you believe to be your assets. Your defects or liabilities. Do you feel you have
much impact on the lives of people you come in contact with? Can you think of someone who,
over a short period of time, significantly influenced your life?
Of all the people close to you, whose death would you find most disturbing?
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TOOLBOX
61. If you were guaranteed honest responses to any three questions, whom would you question? And
what would you ask?
62. Can you be counted on to do what you say you will do? What does it take for you to trust
someone?
63. Do you feel mastery in any part of your life? If so, where?
64. If you were a lawyer, would you be a prosecutor or a defender and why?
65. Talk about your passions – what are they and where and how are they expressed?
66. What three adjectives best describe you? Why?
67. What is the origin of your name?
68. What animal are you most like? Why?
69. Describe two things you have recently done for your spouse that pleased him/her.
70. What brings you joy? What brings you pain?
71. Are you doing what you want to? If not, what needs to change?
72. How much attention do you pay to your physical wellbeing?
73. What does the concept of security mean to you?
74. What is the one quality you value most?
75. Suppose you were told that you have six months to live. What would you do in that time
76. What will you be when you grow up? And what have you become so far?
77. If you knew of a way to use your estate, following your death, to greatly benefit humanity, would you
do it and leave only a minimal amount to your family?
78. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you
are now living? If so, what?
79. If you knew you could devote yourself to any single occupation – music, writing, acting, business,
politics, medicine, etc. – and be among the best and most successful in the world at it, what would
you choose? If you knew you had only a 10 percent chance of being so successful, would you still
put in the effort?
80. If you were helping to raise money for charity and someone agreed to make a large contribution if
you would perform at the upcoming fund-raising show, would you? If so, what would you like to
perform? (Assume the show would have an audience of about 1,000.)
81. How do you picture your funeral? Is it important for you to have people mourn your death?
82. Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? What prevents you from doing it?
83. Knowing you had a 50 percent chance of winning and would be paid 10 times the amount of your
bet if you won, what fraction of what you now own would you be willing to wager?
84. If you could take a one-month trip anywhere in the world and money were not a consideration,
where would you go? What would you do?
85. Would you like to know the precise date of you death? If you knew, what would you do?
86. If you had to spend the next two years inside a small, but fully provisioned Antarctic shelter with one
other person, whom would you like to have with you?
87. What would you like to be doing five years from now? What do you think you will be doing five
years from now?
88. What is the legacy you would like to leave?
89. Do you have unfinished business with a significant person in your life? How are you dealing with it?
90. What is your business exit strategy?
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TOOLBOX
Open Ended Questions
When alone I…
When with strangers I…
When angry I…
When embarrassed I…
What I like best about myself is…
I would like to be…
Best/Worst Scenario Questions
The best/worst day of my life was…
The greatest success in my life was…
The biggest failure in my life was…
Books and Games for Communication Starters
1. If … (Questions for the Game of Life); by Evelyn McFarlane and James Saywell; ISBN 0-67944535-8
2. If 2 … (Questions for the Game of Life); by Evelyn McFarlane and James Saywell; ISBN 0-67945286-9
3. If 3 … (Questions for the Game of Love); by Evelyn McFarlane and James Saywell; ISBN 0679-45637-6
4. If … Questions for the Soul; by Evelyn McFarlane and James Saywell; ISBN 0-679-45636-8
5. If … Questions for Parents; by Evelyn McFarlane and James Saywell; ISBN 0-375-50283-1
6. How Far Will You Go? Questions to Test Your Limits; by Evelyn McFarlane and James
Saywell; ISBN 0-375-50242-4
7. The Book of Questions; by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.; ISBN 0-89480-320-4
8. The Book of Questions: Love and Sex; by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.
9. The Book of Questions: Business, Politics and Ethics; by Gregory Stock, Ph.D.
10. Would You? Questions to Challenge Your Beliefs; by Evelyn McFarlane and James Saywell;
ISBN 0-375-50243-2
11. The Art of Conversation; by Lamb and Howland; www.taoc.com.au
12. Hedge Your Bets; Esther Hutchison, Ph.D and Morgan W. McCall Jr., Ph.D;
http://www.hedgeyourbetshome.com
13. Ungame; www.talicor.com
14. Ungame® "All Ages" Pocket Size
15. Ungame® "Couples" Pocket Size
16. Ungame® "Families" Pocket Size
17. Ungame® "Kids" Pocket Size
18. Ungame® "Teens" Pocket Size
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TOOLBOX
The Evolution of Forum
From “The Journey – YPO’s First 50 Years”
Maintaining the spirit of YPO as the organization becomes larger has been a challenge. How could
YPO manage—as membership passed the 3,000 mark in 1974—to nurture the sharing of experiences
in an intimate setting?
Ask any YPOers how, and they’ll tell you: Forum. Why are Forums so successful and such an essential
part of the YPO experience? Perhaps because they go to the very heart of why YPO exists—why Ray
Hickok assembled that first group of presidents. They were a group of young men who had the same
kind of problems he did, and they gathered to share their experiences in confidence.
Forum had its genesis in 1975 after YPO member Jiggs Davis had witnessed the success of smallgroup meetings as a member of another business organization, The Executive Committee, or TEC.
Davis had begun to wonder if YPO had become so large and impersonal that it was difficult for
members to share ideas and truly get to know each other. As Education Chairman for the Northern
California chapter, he thought the small-group concept might also work well for YPO.
Davis was not the only one wondering about YPO’s size. “At the time, people felt they were not getting
help from the local chapters,” recalled Sir Brian Wolfson, a Forum graduate from the U.K. chapter and
International President, 1979–80. “They felt they weren’t mixing as local chapters should. What concept
could we come up with that could involve local chapters more and more? How could we give better
value? The answer was the Presidents’ Forum.”
Forum did have its precursors. The “can groups” at the Harvard Seminar formed intense bonds during
their focused weeklong programs. In 1958, the New England chapter set up phantom boards of
directors, which each met once to focus on a specific member’s business challenge. The Wives’
Workshops and a series of group dynamics/sensitivity-training sessions for men called T groups met in
the late 1950s and early 1960s under the guidance of the National Training Laboratories.
It was not until the mid-1970s, though, that the needs of YPO and the improved methods of instructing
small-group leaders would coalesce to create Forum.
The Northern California chapter initiated Forum in 1975 by randomly sorting the names of the 60
chapter members into four groups. In the early stages, the focus was strictly business; however, the
personal aspects of Forum became increasingly important as members sought to help each other
navigate the rocks and shoals of executive life. This attention to the personal side of business
distinguished YPO’s approach to the small-group program.
A huge success, Forum was introduced to other chapters by the Northern Californians themselves:
another example of YPO members seeing a need and rushing to fill it with an innovative idea. The
movement spread quickly. By 1978, 20 chapters had Presidents’ Forums, and nearly 900 members
were participating.
“I had read in one of the YPO newsletters that a fellow on the West Coast named Jiggs Davis had
attended something called TEC and had thought it might be good for YPO,” recalled Charles Housen. “I
had met Jiggs in Athens, and I called him up. He said it was a bunch of business people sitting around
with a facilitator discussing their business issues.”
At that time, the New England chapter was unable to take on the additional programming burden.
Undeterred, Housen said, he struck out on his own. “I then called 12 YPOers that I’d met at a couple of
meetings, and I said I want you to come have lunch with me and we’re going to start a Forum. They
came, and it just sprang up. It became the Alpha Forum. To this day, that group still meets.”
The following year, Housen was the first to hold a new position within the chapter: Forum Chairman.
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TOOLBOX
“I’m proud to say that over 20 years ago, the Rebel chapter was one of the first chapters in YPO to
implement Forum,” said John Darden. “I’d gone to a meeting in New York and saw what a spectacular
added dimension of YPO it would be. When I came back, I preached the gospel to everybody. It was
perfect for the Rebel chapter because the chapter’s so big and it covers such a wide geographical area.
And now I guess in the Rebel chapter we must have 20 Forums.”
The internal structure of Forum, many said, is a key to its success.
“The rules and regulations of Forums are nonexistent in any other part of YPO,” noted Michael Koss.
“The rules are, you come to every meeting or you get thrown out. If you’re late, you get fined. It is very
structured, and yet if you were to put the same type of structure on a chapter meeting or University
participation, you would have a huge backfire.”
Yet, Koss observed, the structure comes from within the Forum itself. “It isn’t supervised by a board of
directors. It has its own life.”
YPOers cited the quality of the moderator as another key factor in a Forum’s success. A person whose
enthusiasm Housen and Darden credited for inspiring YPO chapters to advance Forum, Joel Schiavone
of Connecticut, International President, 1986–87, chaired an ad hoc committee in 1982 that developed
the first moderator-training program, conducted with the Center for Organizational Development.
Moderators need to be highly trained to run a meeting, to listen, to draw out participants, and to move
the group along in its journey. They encourage members to reserve judgment, to help their peers think
through issues, and to resist the urge to “fix” their fellow Forum members.
Although Forum was a success in the United States, it took a bit longer for the concept to find its place
internationally. The idea of sharing one’s innermost feelings as well as one’s business challenges with
a dozen other fellow business leaders was unappealing to members in Asia, Europe, and Latin
America. “Culturally, the Europeans weren’t as open—still aren’t as open—as Americans,” recalled Sir
Brian. “It was a problem.”
Initially, said Ernest M. Higa of the Japan chapter, Forum was perceived as a uniquely North American
development. “It was even described in North American terms: eight to 12 members, meeting around a
table once every four to six weeks to ‘share problems’ and to ‘bond.’ In the Asian and European
community, that’s not always very appealing. You didn’t talk about your problems with others,
especially in Asia.”
A number of members, including Paul Bishop, International President, 1990–91, took on Forum as their
personal mission, traveling internationally to introduce the concept to chapters worldwide. In typical
YPO fashion, these individuals believed strongly enough in an idea to champion it around the globe.
Their persistence paid off.
As the gospel of Forum spread from chapter to chapter, members in the Asian and Pacific chapters
took the idea and made it their own. The Interchapter Forum brought together members from several
chapters who weren’t able to marshal a large enough group on their own. Members from the Manila,
Hong Kong, Singapore, and Taipei chapters joined initially, and members from India and Japan were
added later. Confidentiality was easier to enforce when a large physical distance separated members,
and the success of the Interchapter Forum led to great enthusiasm for the Forum concept throughout
the world.
By 1985, 12 chapters outside North America—seven in Australia, and one each in Great Britain, Brazil,
the Benelux countries, Hong Kong, and Mexico—had developed Forum programs. By 1986, 18
international chapters were taking part in Forum.
In addition to serving members’ needs, Forum has served to strengthen chapters by providing the
“glue” that bonds chapter members together. It has given the chapter far more drive and meaning,
providing a way for chapters to mature and grow.
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“A chapter as an organizational group can do nothing without the element of Forum,” said Tim Holmes,
a Forum graduate from the Western Australia chapter and International President, 1995–96. “I mean, it
was great fun, and the parties were wonderful, but you get sick of the same sort of thing. Before Forum,
the chapter structure just lacked a bit of soul. Although the educational programs were very good, the
chapter was still superficial when Forums started. Now, they probably have 10 Forums in the chapter,
and that really is the glue.”
For large or geographically sprawling chapters, Forum maintains the small-group setting essential to
the YPO experience. “As a chapter, we only have basically three meetings a year: our family meeting, a
winter meeting, and then an Area Conference we host every third year,” said Darden of the Rebel
chapter. “Forum provides a great way for the people in different areas to get together more frequently. It
has taken off like wildfire.”
The Forum format has been extended to serve the varied needs of YPO members. International
Forums bring together members across national lines. Focus Forums unite members with similar
interests. The African-American Focus Forum, for example, links African-American YPO members
across the United States while a Singles Forum discusses issues that single members face in a
business world that often caters to married couples. Originally founded in South Africa, Youth Forums
allow the children of YPO members to share common concerns.
YPOers are quick to point out that the “Forum experience” can occur among members in settings other
than Forum. “It’s the way I connect with the organization,” said David Martin, International Presidentelect, 2001–02. “I have a Forum-level experience with my Forum. I have it with individual Forum
members who I see at times other than Forums. I have it with other YPO members who I’m either on
the Board of Directors with or at Universities with or at seminars with while I’m there. I can sit down on
an airplane with a total stranger and have a Forum experience for five hours until we land in New York.”
Why is that experience so important?
“You look at our logo,” Martin said. “The pyramid and that little gold dot at the top of the pyramid? It’s a
very, very, very lonely place. There is a huge need for the members to trust each other because they all
need the place to download, they need the place to share, they need the place to care.“
That trust holds fast for years. Many Forums founded in the 1970s are still active today. “Our group,
which was the first Forum in the Rebel chapter, is still going strong,” noted Darden. “YPO had set up
some rules that once you got out of YPO, you couldn’t keep your Forum going, and we decided that
since nobody was paying our bills, we’d do what we wanted to. So we still have a Forum. At this point,
we don’t have anybody left in YPO; everybody’s aged out, and we range from 65 down to 52 or 53.
We’ve been together for over 20 years—through divorces, deaths of spouses, some extraordinary
things.”
Forum is not only a support mechanism within YPO; Forum also changes lives. Jim Akers of Cincinnati,
Ohio, credited his Forum members with helping him shape and reshape his priorities—which led to his
resignation as president and CEO of Crystal Tissue Co. and his move to Colorado, where he and his
family could ranch and learn forestry management.
“YPO has been a fantastic experience for me and my family,” he wrote in his resignation letter.
“Ironically, the education I received at our chapter, Forum and Area Conferences awakened me to
aspects of life other than work. … Had it not been for YPO, I probably would have continued in my
workaholic ways—‘nose to the grindstone,’ sacrificing my personal development and relationships with
my spouse, children, and friends. No one could ask for more support than that which I received from my
Forum during this ‘life change.’”
Akers’ story is only one of thousands since Forum’s founding in 1975. Yet it illustrates the key
components of Forum: the integration of family, personal, business, and spiritual issues; the personal
nature of the Forum odyssey; and the power of a dozen people linked by trust.
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CONFIDENTIALITY CONTRACT
In our Forum, I understand that in order to achieve the level of trust and safety necessary to
ensure the interchange we all seek, all information shared by the members must be held in
absolute confidence.
I understand that any discussion of any Forum business outside the meeting by two or more Forum
members must be held in a setting where there is absolutely no chance of being overheard.
I understand and agree that no Forum business, no matter how minor an item may seem, can be
discussed with anyone outside the Forum, including spouses, significant others, other members, nonmembers, secretaries, administrative assistants and Chapter Administrators. I assume anything said in
Forum is confidential unless the holder of the information specifically releases members from the rules
of confidentiality.
I understand and agree that anyone breaking this contract will be asked to resign from the Forum.
More importantly, I understand that I have a major moral and ethical responsibility to my fellow Forum
friends who have entrusted me with their most personal feelings, problems, and issues. To break this
trust is to destroy all that the Forum can mean to its members.
Signed:
Date:
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AGREEMENT REGARDING DOING BUSINESS
WITH EACH OTHER IN FORUM
Name of
Forum:
Date:
Agreement not to do business with nor buy stock of any company having anything to do with
anyone in my Forum. . . .
In my YPO Forum, I understand that in order to achieve the level of trust and safety necessary to
ensure the openness of the interchange we all seek, that no one in the Forum will do business with
anyone else in the Forum. In addition, Forum members will not go into business together while in the
Forum nor will any Forum members participate in the IPO’s of any other Forum members nor buy, own,
or trade stock in the public company of any Forum member.
I understand that by following these rules, it gives complete freedom to every member of the Forum to
discuss any issues relating to business with no insider trader issues, since no one will benefit from the
information disclosed. This, in hand with the confidentiality contract, provides complete protection for
each individual in the Forum.
Forum Member
Forum Member
Forum Member
Forum Member
Forum Member
Forum Member
Forum Member
Forum Member
Forum Member
Forum Member
Forum Member
Forum Member
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UPDATE PREPARATION FORM
Use this form to focus your thoughts.
Quickly rate these aspects of your life since the last meeting? (1 = lowest; 10 = highest)
My Business: 1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
My Family:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Me:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Looking Back
Since the Last Meeting
What are you excited
about?
What concerns you?
Or Other Activities
What depleted your
energy?
ME
FAMILY
BUSINESS
What increased your
energy?
Looking Forward
Based on my Update, these are the issues I would like to explore:
1. Issue: ________________________ Feelings: ____________________ Priority: _____
2. Issue: ________________________ Feelings: ____________________ Priority: _____
Feelings:
mad, sad, glad, scared, ashamed
Priorities:
1 = high urgency + high importance
2 =high importance
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COACHING AND PRESENTATION FORM
Instructions: The coach reviews the questions in the Presentation Setup and Presentation Outline with the
presenter. After the coach has helped presenter organize thoughts, the presenter will complete the Presentation
Outline form and refer to it during the presentation as needed.
Presentation Setup
Nature
What is the nature of the presentation?
Business, personal, family or combination.
Title
What is the title of the presentation?
Issue and Purpose
What is the purpose of the presentation?
What is the question to be answered?
Or
What is the dilemma, problem,
opportunity to be addressed?
Confidentiality
Level 1 – Regular: Nothing shared
outside of Forum unless
o Permission granted by presenter to
share
o Presenter asks permission from Forum
to take information outside Forum
Level 2 – Strict: Never refer to again
Boundaries
Areas the presenter does not want to
discuss either because the presenter has
already decided against them or because
they can easily take the group on a
tangent.
Obstacles
Things that are outside of the presenter’s
control.
Barriers to the presenter’s ideal outcome.
Feelings
List all of the presenter’s emotions related to
this issue. What is the primary feeling...mad,
sad, glad, scared, ashamed?
Communication Starter (optional)
The Coach and Presenter will create a
feeling-based, fill-in-the-blank communication
starter to set the tone and the mood for the
presentation. For example: “When was the
last time you felt …?” “Tell us about a time
that you…”
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COACHING AND PRESENTATION FORM
Presentation Outline
Background
What is the background history
related to this issue? who? what?
when? where? why? and how?
Current Situation
What is the current situation?
Options
•
What options are available to you?
•
What are the pros and cons of each?
•
Do you have a preference?
Future Implications
•
What are the future implications as
they relate to your various options?
•
What are the future implications if
nothing changes?
Time
How much time is needed for the
presenter to present the issue?
5 - 20 minutes
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ISSUES CLEARING MODEL
PROMPT SHEET
Person with the issue starts:
•
“I have an issue I’d like to clear with you. Is now a good time? (If not now, agree on a time.)
•
“The specific facts are …” (Recordable facts; not judgments)
•
“I make up a story that…” or “I make this mean…” (I think…;
In my opinion …; My judgment is…)
•
“I feel…” (sad, angry, scared, ashamed, guilty, excited, numb, happy…)
•
“My part in this is …” (Your role in creating or sustaining the issue)
•
“And I specifically want…”
Other person reflects back:
86
•
“Let me see if I understand you…” (Reflect or paraphrase without interpretation; Goal: seek to
truly understand without rebuttal.)
•
(After reflecting, ask) “Is that accurate?” (If not, reflect again.)
•
“Is there more?” (This is a crucial question. Ask in a kind, genuine, curious, want-to-be-inrelationship voice.)
•
“Are you clean about this?” (If “yes,” you’re done!)
FORUM MEETING REFERENCE GUIDE
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FORUM MEETING REFERENCE GUIDE
88
Forum Survey
1 = LOW
FORUM EFFECTIVENESS
1. Knowledge/Understanding Of Other Members
1 = I have little idea of the background or aspirations of the other members.
10 = I understand the background and aspirations of the other members.
2. Openness Of The Forum/Risk Taking
1 = Members of my Forum avoid delicate issues.
10 = We are totally honest.
3. Openness Of The Individual/Risk Taking
1 = I avoid delicate issues.
10 = I am totally honest.
4. Trust
1 = I do not trust one or more members of my Forum to the point where it
impedes my sharing.
10 = I trust all members of my Forum and it does not impede my sharing.
5. Meeting Depth
1 = Issues discussed are superficial and insignificant.
10 = Significant unresolved issues are discussed with meaningful input and
thought.
6. Meeting Diversity
1 = We discuss the same issues over and over again.
10 = We discuss a variety of issues which stimulate the group and benefit all.
7. Meeting Updates
1 = Updates are unstructured, unfocussed, rambling and interrupted.
10 = We start every Forum meeting with updates that are timed and insightful.
8. Coaching
1 = We do not coach presenters.
10 = We have a coach for every presenter.
9. Presentations
1 = We do not do presentations.
10 = Presentations are prepared, deal with feelings and involve significant
unresolved issues requiring meaningful input.
10. Language Protocol
1 = We don’t listen, acceptance is low, the tone is judgmental and advice is
given.
10 = We listen, accept, and share experiences without being judgmental of each
other.
11. Conflict
1 = Our Forum avoids dealing with conflict
10 = Our Forum deals with conflict effectively.
12. Dominant Member
1 = One member dominates conversations, always has all the answers.
10 =Everyone contributes with differing points of view.
13. Confidentiality
1 = I do not discuss confidential matters because I don’t trust people will keep
them in confidence.
10 = I know all matters discussed are held in strictest confidence.
14. Retreats
1 = We do not have annual retreats.
10 = We have at least one retreat per year and there is meaningful interaction
and strong bonding of members.
10 = HIGH
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
89
FORUM SURVEY
1 = LOW
FORUM ADMINISTRATION
15. Forum Norms
1 = We do not have Forum Norms.
10 = We have Forum Norms and review them every year.
16. Attendance
1 = Many members are frequently absent.
10 = 100% attendance except for unique, infrequent scheduling conflicts.
17. Punctuality
1 = Forum meetings do not start or end on time.
10 = Forum meetings start and end on time.
CONFLICTS OF INTEREST AND DOING BUSINESS WITH EACH OTHER
18. Conflicts Of Interest
1 = There are conflicts of interest that get in the way of our openness.
10 = There are no conflicts of interest that get in the way of our openness.
19. Policy Regarding Doing Business With Each Other In Forum
1 = Our Forum has no policy regarding doing business with another member.
10 = Our Forum has a clear policy prohibiting doing business with another member.
20. Doing Business With Each Other In Forum
1 = Members of our Forum do conduct business with each other.
10 = No members of our Forum conduct business with each other.
FORUM LEADERSHIP
21. The Moderator has attended Moderator Training within the last 2 years.
22. Leadership
1 = Only the moderator of the Forum takes responsibility for the success of the
Forum
10 = Everyone in the Forum takes responsibility for the success of the Forum
VALUE OF FORUM
23. Personal Take Home Value
1 = I am dissatisfied with the quality and quantity of personal take-home value I get
from my Forum.
10 = I am satisfied with the quality and quantity of personal take-home value I get
from my Forum.
24. Professional Take Home Value
1 = I am dissatisfied with the quality and quantity of professional take-home value I
get from my Forum.
10 = I am satisfied with the quality and quantity of professional take-home value I
get from my Forum.
25. Future Personal Needs
1 = I am not confident in my Forum’s ability to meet my future personal needs
whatever they might be.
10 = I am confident in my Forum’s ability to meet my future personal needs
26. Future Professional Needs
1 = I am not confident in my Forum’s ability to meet my future professional needs
10 = I am confident in my Forum’s ability to meet my future professional needs
27. What does your Forum do well?
28. What stops your Forum from being the best it can be?
Plus 2 optional rating question and 2 optional open questions
90
10 = HIGH
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Yes
No
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
FORUM SURVEY SAMPLE RESULTS
Forum Guidebook 04/2008
91
FORUM SURVEY SAMPLE RESULTS
92
Forum Guidebook 04/2008
600 Las Colinas Boulevard
Suite 1000
Irving, Texas 75039
USA
Tel 1.800.773.7976
or +1.972.587.1500
Fax +1.972.587.1600
(from outside the U.S.A. access the toll-free
number using AT&T DIRECT®)
Forum Questions?
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