The Happy Cooker

The Happy Cooker
“Dialogues for the Palate”
By Richard P. Giarniero
Illustrations by Bettyanne Green
The Happy Cooker
“Dialogues for the Palate”
Copyright 2001 Richard P. Giarniero
Table of Contents
Rice Runner Shrimp a/k/a
Shrimp, Ham and Rice………………………………………………………………………page 13
Something Else to Do With Lobster a/k/a
Creamy Tomato & Roasted Pepper, Lobster Medallions ………….page 14
The Cancun Oyster a/k/a
Sea, See,Si!………………………………………………………………………………………..page 15
The Saint Petersburg Oyster a/k/a
Czar’s Delight…………………………………………………………………………………….page 15
The Pompino Mambo a/k/a
Herbs, Salt and Fish………………………………………………………………………..page 16
Stuffed Clams a/k/a
Big Belly Bi-Valves…………………………………………………………………………….page 17
Sole What!?! a/k/a
A Little Bit of Sole…………………………………………………………………………..page 18
Mussels & Cockles, Alive, Alive… a/k/a
Multiple Shells………………………………………………………………………………….page 20
Kiss-Ass Krab Kakes a/k/a
“Hey for a crab, you got cute cakes, baby”………………………………..page 21
Whatever a/k/a
You Do What You Do And I’ll Do This ………………………………….page 22
Fruita De Mare a/k/a
Sea Side Delight………………………………………………………………………………page 24
Batter Up a/k/a
Beer Battered Fish…..……….…………………………………………………………….page 25
Extra Innings - - Batter –Up II a/k/a
Fritta Festival…………………………………………………………………………………page 26
Man That Squid Was Stuffed a/k/a
Baked Stuffed Calamari…………………………………………………………………page 27
Whoa, Hot Baccala! a/k/a
Cold Dish, Hot Fish………………………………………………………………………….page 28
Duo Pesce a/k/a
Salmon Bundles With Smoked Trout…………………………………………..page 29
The Sea Creature Nesting Behavior a/k/a
Squid Pasta Nests …………………………………………………………………………..page 30
Do You Wanna Dance a/k/a
Some Legs Froggy……………….…………………………………………………………...page 31
- Page 5 -
Charlie’s Hot Aqua Salad a/k/a
Tuna and Rice Salad………………………………………………………………………..page 34
BI-Valves Over the Top a/k/a
Linguine with Mussel Sauce………………………………………………………….page 35
Hey Baccala! a/k/a
Baccala Alla Marinara……………………………………………………………………..page 36
Field and Stream a/k/a
Creamy Lobster Linguini…………………………………………………………………page 39
A Much Tasty Mingle of Curry, Shrimp & Rice a/k/a
Curried Shrimp…………………………………………………………………………………page 40
Them Ain’t Snakes a/k/a
Grilled Eel………………………………………………………………………………………….page 41
Hoppin’ Gator a/k/a
Alligator Tail Alla Big Daddy…………………………………………………………page 42
Grillin’ Gator a/k/a
A Little Bite on the Tame End………………………………………………………page 43
Very large Bi-valves with Vinegar a/k/a
Jumbo Sea Scallops with Balsamic Reduction…………………………..page 44
Pigs on a Roof a/k/a
Pork Fantasy……………………………………………………………………………………..page 46
You Old Goat, Jamaica Me Crazy a/k/a
Smile……………………………………………………………………………………………………page 53
Tenderloin O’Pork and Stuff a/k/a
Krisp Tender Pork…………………………………………………………………………….page 54
Nice, Juicy, Meat-A-Balls! a/k/a
Not a Base Ball………………………………………………………………………………….page 56
Cheeseburger in Paradise a/k/a
Need We Say Anymore…………………………………………………………………..page 57
Stuffing on a Stump a/k/a
Roast Veal Florentine……………………………………………………………………..page 58
Stomach This a/k/a
Stewed Tripe with Tomato Sauce………………………………………………..page 59
It’s What’s Inside That Counts a/k/a
Calf’s Liver Sauté…………………………………………………………………………….page 60
Disco Inferno a/k/a
Beef Bourbon Bang…………………………………………………………………………..page 61
Where the Heck is the Boca a/k/a
Veal Saltimbocca……………………………………………………………………………..page 62
Small Cows & Lemons a/k/a
Veal Piccata……………………………………………………………………………………...page 63
- Page 6 -
Veal Pockets a/k/a
Cheese & Mushroom Sandwich with Veal Instead of Bread…..page 64
More Complicated Lamb a/k/a
Lamb Fricassee…………………………………………………………………………………page 65
Field Beef & Fruit a/k/a
Beef Short Ribs with Black Currant and Fungi…………………………page 66
Pork Julep a/k/a
Pork Chops with Mint Sauce………………………………………………………….page 67
Ossobuco? No, Yousobuco! a/k/a
Braised Veal Shank………………………………………………………………………….page 68
Them Some Chops on That Little Cow a/k/a
Fried Veal Chops………………………………………………………………………………page 69
Chops Citron a/k/a
Grilled Veal Chops With Grapefruit – Mint Sauce……………………page 70
Pork Coins in the Salad a/k/a
Glazed Pork Loins……………………………………………………………………………..page 71
The Bay of the Poets Stomp a/k/a
Porketta Alla Liguria……………………………………………………………………….page 72
Legs Noir a/k/a
Three Legs on the Lamb…………………………………………………………………page 73
Ginger Ayles a/k/a
Ginger Beef……………………………………………………………………………………….page 74
The Flying Impala a/k/a
Cheese Car in Flight…………………………………………………………………………page 75
Rick’s Lasagne a/k/a
Sans Meat………………………………………………………………………………………….page 77
The Bow Ties of Spring a/k/a
Farfalle Primavera……………………………………………………………………………page 79
It’s Fennel, Not Funnel a/k/a
Penne Con Fontina E Fennucia……………………………………………………….page 80
Little Fish in Hats a/k/a
Orachetti Con Aleche……………………………………………………………………..page 81
Finger Lickin’ Good a/k/a
Rappin’ Fried Pollo…………………………………………………………………………….page 82
A Guy Walked Into a Bar a/k/a
Duck, Duck!………………………………………………………………………………………..page 84
A Fried Chicken and Cheese Number a/k/a
Boned Chicken Breasts with Parmesan Cheese………………………….page 86
Combo Chicken a/k/a
Chicken Stew with Polenta…………………………………………………………….page 87
- Page 7 -
Big Pot O’Chicken a/k/a
The Hunter Style Type Chicken……………………………………………………page 88
Toast and Chicken a/k/a
Crusty Bread with Chicken Livers………………………………………………..page 89
Melinda Takes Flight a/k/a
No Limp Wings Here……………………………………………………………………….page 90
Creamy Chicken Not Fried a/k/a
Chicken in Cream……………………………………………………………………………...page 92
Puckerin’ Thighs a/k/a
Turkey Over Lemone Swiss Chard ……………………………………………..page 93
Artistic Hens a/k/a.
Pollo Alla Tuscano…………………………………………………………………………….page 94
That’s Some Chick a/k/a
Little Peas of Chick………………………………………………………………………….page 94
Put De Lime In De Coconut…. a/k/a
Chicken and Fish Coconut Dish……………………………………………………..page 95
Tombstone Turkey a/k/a
Chili Bird…………………………………………………………………………………………….page 96
Vedy, Vedy Good a/k/a
Chicken Biryani…………………………………………………………………………………page 98
Melanzane in the Sun a/k/a
Baked Eggplants with Olive Oil……………………………………………………page 100
Red Beenz An’ Rice is Nice a/k/a
Hunter-Gathers………………………………………………………………………………page 101
Aubergeno a la Parma a/k/a
Melanzane Con Frommagio……………………………………………………………page 103
Don’t Eat the Whole Thing a/k/a
Artichokes with Lemon Sauce……………………………………………………..page 104
Eggplant Relish – Southern Style a/k/a
Caponatina Alla Siciliana……………………………………………………………….page 105
Not Quite Poppers a/k/a
Provolone Fritters………………………………………………………………………….page 106
Cookin’ with Flowers a/k/a
Audrey?…………………………………………………………………………………………….page 107
Fat Flowers a/k/a
Stuffed Zucchini Blossoms………………………………………………………….page 108
Flowers, Fruit & Beans. Hey It’s --- a/k/a
Vegetarian Pasta E Fagioli……………………………………………………………page 109
Le Bec Fungi a/k/a
Creamy Mushroom Bread………………………………………………………………….page 110
- Page 8 -
Mellow Yellow a/k/a
Risotto Alla Milanese……………………………………………………………………..page 111
What! a/k/a
AH! Fava Beans……………………………………………………………………………….page 112
Wok U Talkin’ ‘Bout? a/k/a
Garlic Eggplant………………………………………………………………………………..page 113
You Say it a/k/a
Broccoli Rabe…………………………………………………………………………………..page 114
Mush, Mush Sweet Corn Meal a/k/a
Polenta……………………………………………………………………………………………….page 115
Polenta is Airborne a/k/a
Corn Meal Mush & Birds………………………………………………………………..page 115
Basic Italian Style Rice a/k/a
Risotto………………………………………………………………………………………………page 116
Flora Dora Pompodora a/k/a
Basic Tomato Sauce……………………………………………………………………….page 117
Ha Ha Fritatta a/k/a
Crazy Eggs………………………………………………………………………………………..page 118
The Staff of Life a/k/a
Bread – Pane…………………………………………………………………………………….page 120
Some Got’ ‘ta Have Rolls a/k/a
Brioche – Butter Rolls……………………………………………………………………page 121
Cheezy Bread a/k/a
Cheese Bread…………………………………………………………………………………..page 121
Spring Sausage Bread a/k/a
Fiatone Di Salsiccia……………………………………………………………………….page 122
- Page 9 -
- Page 10 -
S
omebody said once: “You ought to write a cookbook” then I
heard the query, “Why don’t you write a cookbook?” then the request, “Please write a cookbook” followed by the command, “Write
a cookbook.” And the order “I want you to write that down, write it
in a cookbook” then the plea, “I gotta know how to make this,
c’mon, write a cookbook, pleeze….” Then the inspirational, common sense nugget of true capitalism … “Bet you’d make a fair
hunk of change if you wrote a cookbook.”
With thanks, love and affection in no particular order……
DEDICATION:
Barbara Fagan
Bettyann Green
Contessa Bini-Smagi
Patty Tyrrell
Gene Pitney
Jim Tutunjun
Mark & Kristin Graham
Jimmy Buffett
Keats
Mi Familia
Lady Eyeleen
Arthur Brown
Mary Rohrer-Dann
Roger Cornish
Lois Beck
Alan Kirios
Johnny Carson
O.C.
Al Whelburg
Kitty Bradley
The Beach Boys
Judith Raines
Dean & Robin Nevelos
Tommy “Tunes” Taylor
The Rolling Stones
Bill McGilton
David Letterman
Pink Eye
Thortenshield
David Shelton
Robert DeNiro
Pat DePew
Kurt Vonnegut
The Beatles
Bob Messey
Danny DeVito
Baccala
Joe Gamberdell
Julia Childs
Lon
Arthur Schwartz
Nancy Rose
Cindy Duffin-Hill
Harold Pinter
ABBA
Dave & Marg Lomax
Steve Wang
Nate Shipp
Peter & Wendy Bowditch
Leonard Cohan
Ed Bordeau
Cecil Hinkle
The Searchers
Laura Whittaker Lodge
Mario Batalli
Larry Osgood
Dave & Gilly Birch
Menudo
Dean Robert Gray
Garrett Speer
The Turtles
Doc Zimmerman
The Kryptomanic
Chris Wiltz
Don Imus
Monty Python
Dave Farenback
Jacques Pepin
- Page 11 -
Jay Leno
Eric Clapton
Spandau Ballet
Emeril Legassi
Tom Stoppard
Mike & Carrie Chebro
Baccala
Jack & Mary Ellen
Petrilla
Harry Struyker-Boudier
Bonnie Raitt
Pat Antidorni
Martin Scoresisee
Anne DePrez
Jodi O’Sullivan
Annie Engle
Kyle Dunn
Bob Dylan
Martha Dulla
Nicholas Roeg
Sara Ochs
Steven Spielberg
Harry Eggart
Jerry Rojo
Peter Shaffer
Megan Farenback
Mike Allee
Dennis Gilday
Donna Zotter
Kathy Partridge
Kuldip Sighn Sadhal
Carolyn Vaughn
Chris Olsen
Edison Lighthouse
- Page 12 -
RICE RUNNER SHRIMP
SHRIMP, HAM & RICE
Any long grain rice will do but Basmati is preferred. Basmati is
a long grain rice originally from India; you will find it in most
supermarkets. It often requires a good amount of rinsing before
being cooked, in order to remove the excess starch. You could
replace rice with orzo; then it would be a pasta dish and not a
rice dish.
1 cup Basmati rice, rinsed and drained
A dollop of olive oil
Salt
1 cup peas or chick peas; it's a taster's choice!
3/4 pound shelled large shrimp
2 tablespoons of Soy sauce
1/4 pound smoked ham, diced
Bring a pot of water (2.5 cups) to a boil. Add the rice, olive oil
and a pinch of salt, stir once and cook on low heat, covered for
15 minutes.
Drop in the peas and shrimp and cook 5 more minutes or until
the rice is just done. Drain thoroughly if all the water is not
absorbed.
Heat Soya sauce in a wide skillet. Add the drained rice to the
skillet, stirring the ingredients together gently so as not to break
the grains of rice. Remove from the heat and top with the diced
ham. Serve hot
Serves 4
WINE: ELBA BIANCO
- Page 13 -
SOMETHING ELSE TO DO WITH LOBSTER
CREAMY TOMATO & ROASTED PEPPER, LOBSTER MEDALLIONS
1 roasted red pepper
1 large can of crushed tomatoes
(28 oz.)
Salt
1 pound small squid, cleaned.
1 lobster (I 1/2 pounds)
1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil
Tabasco sauce
Juice of I lemon
24 basil leaves
6 mint sprigs
4 big slices of Tuscan bread
1 clove garlic, peeled
Take the roasted red pepper and cut it into thin, long strips.
Meanwhile, cook the squid for 3 minutes in a large pot of salted
boiling water. Remove with a slotted spoon. Boil the lobster for 10
to 12 minutes in the same pot of water, drain it and shell it; then
cut the lobster flesh into medallions. Let cool.
Then puree the roasted pepper strips in a blender with the crushed
tomatoes, 1/4 cup of the olive oil, a pinch of salt and a few drops
of Tabasco sauce. Blend on low speed for I minute; add the lemon
juice, the basil and 2 mint sprigs and blend until emulsified. Divide
among four soup bowls.
Crush the garlic, add a little olive oil and brush on to the slices of
bread. Garnish the tomato cream with the bread slices, the lobster
medallions, the squid and the remaining mint sprigs. Drizzle with
the remaining olive oil and serve.
WINE: SOAVE
- Page 14 -
THE CANCUN OYSTER
SEA, SEE, SI!
Jose' once told me that the oyster was a perfect food. He said,"
Come a little bit closer and I will whisper the secret in your ear,
HA!". His breath was a deterrent from getting too close and he
forgot what he was going to say anyway. But he was doing this,
a little bit to excess .…
In a double shot glass he put in one freshly shucked oyster,
one teaspoon of red cocktail sauce (horseradish mixed with
catsup), two blasts of Tabasco sauce and one jigger of gold
tequila. He'd then shoot it. Ole'.
THE SAINT PETERSBURG OYSTER
CZAR’S DELIGHT
Formally a communist, this bi-valve has become a capitalist
tool. Or is it that it makes capitalists drool? In any event…
Open 1/2 dozen fresh oysters. Gently separate them from the
shell. Fill the shell with vodka. Put a dollop of sour cream on
top of the oyster then a teaspoonful of caviar.
Slurp 'em down. Nostrovia!
- Page 15 -
THE POMPANO MAMBO
HERBS, SALT & FISH
Come get the fish
from the fish man
The monger of fish
Yes get the fish from the old salt
And cook it like this
Take a good young pompano
A sturdy kilo or so
Clean it up nicely
From its tail to its nose
That big long pan
for broiling or baking
A nice bed of herbs
On oil you'll be making
Lay on some cilantro
A sprig of rosemary or two
A big handful of scallions
Some lemongrass too.
Sprinkle liberally with olive oil,
Adding some dill
Slice on some fennel,
Give yourself a thrill
Now the pan's prepped,
Add a cup of wine.
White Italian is nice,
But French will do fine.
You'll want some virgin olive oil
To rub this fish from fin to fin
Don't forget the cavity.
With kosher salt you'll rub in
Add a sprig of rosemary
Then salt one side real good
Lay it carefully on the herbs
Then heavily salt its head.
Salt the body for that matter
The tail, fins and eyes
A good ½ inch of kosher salt
Encase it like a prize.
The broiler is now blazing away
Or the electric coils are glowing.
Slide the pan in close to the heat
And watch as the salt melts & burns
For certain you'll be knowing that
The fish is cooking within the salt
and, the aroma will be growing.
Give it fifteen minutes
Twenty at max.
Pull it out of the oven
Inhale those fumes.
That delightful smell of fresh cooked
Herbs will fill every room.
Peel back the salt
Peel back the skin
- Page 16 -
STUFFED
CLAMS
BIG BELLY BI-VALVES
If you want to stuff a clam you'll need surgical tools and a microscope
or you'll need one helluva clam. Stuffing clamshells is a lot easier.
Clams are harvested at the beach. They are not fast or crafty but they
hide real good because of the fact that they live under the mud.
Therefore, the number, size and type of clam one catches is largely
potluck. Clams have very poor eyesight due to the fact that they have
no eyes. Some of them though do have one helluva neck. Some people call the neck a foot because the neck foot, whatever, is used to
propel the swifter species through the mud. Mud is your clam's basic
diet.
Clams are often eaten raw on a half shell. They are a tasty delicacy. If
a raw clam has even a hint of odor do not ingest it. If you do, you will
more than likely be sicker than you've ever been in your life. You don't
even want to think about what your guts would feel like if you ever eat
bad clams. The clamshell you stuff belongs to quahogs.
By size, the best eating clams are called littlenecks, cherry stones
then quahogs. Six quahogs will yield one dozen clamshells. The first
thing you want to do is dice the following: ½ small green bell pepper,
½ small red bell pepper, 1 large stick of celery and one medium size
Bermuda onion. Get one 8 oz. package of Pepperidge Farm stuffing
mix, cubed. (Or if you want to start from scratch, get 8 oz. of stale
bread and add ½ teaspoon sage, ¼ teaspoon black pepper, 1 teaspoon dried basil, 2 tablespoons of dried parsley and 1 teaspoon of
margarine). Buy the Pepperidge Farm stuffing.
Put the stuffing in a big bowl, Steam your quahogs in ½ cup water.
Get a 6 oz. can of chopped clams, open them and toss them with the
stuffing, water and all. Sauté the peppers, onions and celery in ½
stick of Promise margarine. Toss them in the stuffing mix. When the
quahogs open (don't steam too long) and freely separate from the
shells, chop 'em up and add to the stuffing mix to the extent you would
like it moist. Do not let the stuffing be too dry. Now jam big ol' handfuls
into the quahog shells. Liberally cover the top with Hungarian paprika.
You can now freeze them or bake them. Baking time is 20 minutes at
375 degrees.
- Page 17 -
SOLE WHAT!?!
A LITTLE BIT OF SOLE
Prior to preparing any food always wash your hands with
Boraxo. Ronald Reagan would be pleased.
As a youth I would go fishing on Long Island Sound. The object or
bounty, as it were, of these nautical quests was the Bluefish. They
are sleek, fast swimming, schooling fish that can give an angler an
enjoyable tussle. They cook up mighty fine also. For some reason,
however, I always found them elusive, Whenever we'd go out for a
day, most of my cohorts would catch five, ten, fifteen Blues, Most of
them 12 to 18 inches. They'd have a ball catching them. I usually
caught two or three flat fish; a/k/a flounder a/k/a sole. Now, I've got no
complaints against Sole. It's a tasty fish. Its market price usually exceeds that of Bluefish by two or three dollars a pound. It's a desirable
fish. One usually sees it in the market as gray sole or lemon sole. But
let's face it, Sole doesn't put up much of a fight when it's hooked. You
usually catch them when your hook drops to the bottom and you bop
them on their little cockeyed flat heads with it. Not being too bright, a
Sole usually figures that anything that bops it on the head is good to
eat. Just look at one and you'll know what mean. So they scarf up the
hook and they're caught.
Cleaning Sole is a real pain. I strongly suggest that you find a good
fresh-fish market and purchase your Sole. This is usually an expensive fish to purchase in the winter. If you do buy some in say, January, and you take it home to prepare for your family, loved ones, roommate or significant other and they ask, "What's for dinner?" Simply
sing out;
“A little bit of sole, yeah;
A little bit of sole…
A little bit of sole, yeah;
A little bit of sole.”
Smile to acknowledge their quizzical expressions as they quietly slip
into the next room muttering.
Then get out a spare of scissors to trim the Spinach. Because you're
planning to cook Sole What!?! Some people think this is a version of
Sole Florentine because it's got spinach in it. I don't know what the big
thing is with Florence and spinach but I do know it's near impossible to
find fresh Sole in Florence.
- Page 18 -
In any event, what you've got to do is lay out four, six, eight or whatever Sole fillets topside down on a table, counter or butcher block.
You will easily figure out what the topside of a Sole fillet is and if you
don't it'll come out backwards. Brush very lightly with olive oil. Place
spinach leaves (cleaned and dried, of course) evenly on each fillet and
trim them so as to fit perfectly. Squeeze fresh lemon juice on the spinach. Then put a big ole handful of stuffing in the wide end of the fillet,
roll the sucker up and stick a big round toothpick through it to hold it
together. Lightly sprinkle each one with paprika and bake at 400 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes. Make sure to coat the bottom of the baking
pan with either Pam or thin coat of olive oil. But before you do this,
you gotta make the stuffing.
Stuffing is pretty basic stuff. I guess that's why it's called stuffing. Because you stuff it inside of things. Exactly when it happened, I'm not
sure, but at some point in time stuffing became a side dish that wasn't
stuffed into anything. Go figure.
For this particular stuffing you want an 8 oz. bag of Pepperidge Farm
(my particular favorite) seasoned stuffing mix. Empty in into a large
bowl. Drain the water off a 6 oz. can of crabmeat into a measuring
cup. Toss the crabmeat into the bowl with the stuffing mix.
Sauté in a sauté pan one sliced small onion, 1 diced celery stick; ½
chopped red and green bell pepper and about 8 small to medium,
sliced mushrooms. Sauté in ¼ stick of margarine (butter burns and
has more fat). Sauté in the order given until tender, four to five minutes. Just before removing from the heat squeeze in the juice of ½ a
lemon. It will pop and crackle. Toss the mixture into the bowl with the
crabmeat and stuffing mix.
In the measuring cup with the crab juice add a 6 oz. bottle of clam
juice. You should have about a cup of liquid by now. Heat it and then
add hot water to get the correct amount for the amount of stuffing you
are making. Half the amount for ½ bag, twice the amount for two bags.
The crab juice, clam juice and water combination should equal about 1
1/4 cups. The bag itself tells you the exact amount of liquid to use for
the amount of stuffing you're making. Read the directions. Add a touch
more water because you want this stuffing on the moist side. Mix the
stuff up real good then stuff the Sole. That's it, grab handfuls, roll up
that fish, stick in them toothpicks.
This dish goes well with lightly steamed julienne carrots and string
beans (with optional garlic butter), seasoned wild rice and a garden
salad. Vino? Si.
- Page 19 -
MUSSELS & COCKLES, ALIVE, ALIVE...
MULTIPLE SHELLS
Until the heat gets too hot!
Boil up 1 lb. Linguine. Cook it al dente.
Whilst it is cooking, steam together in I cup of white wine in a
big pot:
2 lbs. Cleaned and de-bearded mussels
2 lbs. Cockles
2 Shallots cut lengthwise
½ Stick butter
1 Red or orange bell pepper
Just as the wine boils up and the shellfish begin to open, add 1
cup of fresh chopped flat leaf parsley and I cup of fresh
chopped basil.
Drain and rinse the pasta. Then in a big skillet put enough olive
oil to cover the bottom. Chop 6 cloves of garlic and sauté in the
oil until golden brown. Keep pan on the heat and toss in the
linguine. Mix it well with the oil and garlic. Then empty into a
large serving dish. Pour the mussels and cockles over the top,
juice and all.
Serve, and sprinkled with grated Parmesan if desired.
Suggested wine: Orvietio Classico
- Page 20 -