From the Couch of Taz

Chevra Shmooze
From the Couch of Taz:
In Camp Chevra, we take the fun to the max!
Which Max? Road Max. It doesn’t matter if you
don’t know what that’s supposed to mean. What does
matter is that Olympics began (and ended, I guess) on
Monday, which just so happens to be the first stop in
this issue of the Chevra Shmooze! Quick recap for
those out of the loop: last Friday, we broke out Olympics when That Guy With the Beard (Tzviki) was
worthless in Capture the Counselors. He turned out to
be a Lieutenant on the
Blue team (as was Mordechai Kahana), whose
General was Elisha Beyman. The tables were
turned, as Tzviki suddenly
ranked below his own JC.
Coincidence? I don’t care.
The other team was the
Orange team, and its general was Shloime Bob
Bernemtzov. His Lieutenants: Menachem Reiser
and his big bro Shalom
Bob Bernemtzov. The
tables have been turned again!
Right-o! So everyone came to camp on Monday all decked out in orange or blue clothes. Fun fact:
blue and orange are the official colors of New York.
That’s not even a joke, it’s for realsies. And so began
a jam-packed day filled with fun and excitement and
raspberry jelly. Included in the festivities were learning groups, races, sports, songs, skits, and something
very special that I’ll get to shortly. How do we fit it
all in one day? Answer: magic. Yup, Camp Chevra is
made of magic. Either that or we’re extremely talented. I’m willing to accept either explanation.
Now, remember a few sentences ago I said
that there was something very special during Olympic
day? If you indeed forgot already, I simply offer
words of encouragement, such as “I’m sure it’ll be
okay.” Anyway, there was something special that day
and it was… PIZZA DAY! YOU DO NOT MESS
WITH PIZZA DAY! PIZZA DAY WILL DEFEAT
ITS ENEMIES AND MANY INNOCENT BYSTANDERS IN THE PROCESS! Whoa Tazzy, calm
Volume 8, Issue 4
down a bit there. But Taz, I love Pizza Day so very,
very much! Wait, are you talking to yourself… and
answering? Well I guess I am but so are you! That’s
true. Let’s move on.
Before embarrassing myself further, I will
make note of the fact that I actually missed Pizza
Day. In fact, I’ve missed both Pizza Days this summer. You’d think I’d make it my bidness to be there,
but apparently I’m too good for that, even though
Pizza Day is my favorite day of the week.
Back to Olympics: it was extremely competitive (in a friendly way, of course) and both teams put
in tons of effort. Both plays
were super cool: the Blue
team auditioned replacements
for Gav, while the Orange
team still isn’t sure what their
play was about. But somebody had to come out on top,
and that person was Ushy. He
got so much mic time! And
he got to announce the winner and it was the team of…
BLUE! What a superb job by
General Beyman and his
crew. Let’s not forget the
effort put in by the Orange
team as well, as both teams did try super-dooper hard.
All in all, it was an amazing day, just as Pizza Day
should be.
I don’t know if you heard that sound, but I
think Tzviki just got ambushed.
Guess what came next! You guessed it:
Tuesday! And on Tuesday, we had Jeopardy! That
wasn’t the only thing we did, but it was pretty big.
But before the game began, the campers were treated
to the return of our daily morning skits! As is Camp
Chevra tradition, every day after Chevramazing learning groups, our dedicated staff puts on a short play to
get the day rolling. Alack and alas, it had been a full
week since the last play, and their return was more
than welcome.
On to Jeopardy now: Rabbi Peikes (with a
little help from yours truly) designed a fun trivia
game that pitted the seniors, intermediates, and junior
juniors against one another. Some of the categories
included Wide World of Birds, Numbers, Staff Jum-
Chevra Shmooze
bles, and my personal favorite, Strawberry Chipmunks. After two rounds of sometimes-challenging
questions, it all came down to Final Jeopardy, which
featured the category, “Chevra… What did you think
it would be? A different one?” Actually, to conserve
space, it read “A different 1?” but that’s not important
for right now.
Naturally, it was about a different one. Not a
different camp, mind you. A different Chevra. The
final question implored: What was the first song off
the original “Chevra” album? GEE WHILLIKERS! (I
probably misspelled that. Is there even a correct
spelling of “whillikers?” Methinks not.) Well, nobody
knew the answer to that one so everyone lost. That’s a
slight exaggeration: the juniors did win. And the seniors really weren’t too far behind them. And the intermediates… they’re good at other things. Like bowling maybe. The correct answer, by the way, was
“Yehay Yehay,” which also might not have any proper English spelling, seeing how it’s a transliteration in
the first place.
On Tuesday, a bunch of bunks also received
their well-deserved rewards for prior achievements.
The fifth graders went out for ice cream as the prize
for winning Capture the Counselors. The third graders, meanwhile, headed out to iCandy for Slurpees,
which they won on Pay Day. And speaking of Pay
Day, the first and second graders picked up their prize
for that game, going to Shopper’s Haven for ice
cream! Did everyone have a great time? You betcha!
I don’t know if you heard that sound, but I
think Tzviki just got tackled.
We continued Game Week on Wednesday
with Deal or No Deal. Bunks negotiated with our
banker (Ushy) to try and win the best prizes possible.
Interestingly, no
one
wanted
the very
best
prize: a
story
from
Taz. I’m
not even
kidding,
that was
actually a prize, and nobody wanted it. How did I feel
about that? Actually, really relieved! I’m totally not
equipped for that! Who volunteered my services anyway? Goodness gracious! But nobody wanted it, and
now I’m insulted, so you’re going to have to listen to
Volume 8, Issue 4
a story from me anyway. Once upon a time there was
a king… no, a duck! Oh, forget it. I don’t have the
energy for this. On with the newsletter.
What were we up to? Oh yeah, Deal or No
Deal! So there were lots of great prizes, and here’s
how it shook down: The grand prize was a trip to Kosher Castle, but nobody won it, so Ushy kept it for
himself. However, the fifth graders and the cheating
seniors won off-campus barbecues and night swims.
All those prizes will be distributed after the nine days,
of course. We’re
Jewish like that.
On Wednesday,
we also had our
first of two intercamp games this
week. Our eighth
graders faced off
against another
camp’s
eighth
graders in basketball, and how do I put this nicely? We crushed
them by 25 points! Pizza power! Fist pump! Yeah,
we’re the tops!
I don’t know if you heard that sound, but I
think Tzviki just got body-slammed.
On Thursday, we had yet another special
game! This time, it was Bunk Feud, which is a lot like
Bunk Food, except less tasty. How do you play Bunk
Feud? Beats me! But I do know that the game board
was beautifully designed by a very wonderful gentleman. Also, the game basically works as follows: a
survey question is asked to a hundred random individuals, and the top eight answers are put on the
board (but the contestants can’t see them because
they’re hidden). Every person that answered is worth
a point. So let’s say the question is “What do you
typically do before bed?” Of the 100 people, if 50
people answered “brush my teeth,” then that answer
is worth 50 points, whereas if 20 people answered
“sing a lullaby,” that answer is worth 20. The players
try to guess which answers are worth the most points,
so a bunk that guesses “brush teeth” will earn the
most points. Sounds complicated? At least it’s not
Quidditch! P to the S, I didn’t even finish explaining
all the rules. It’s more intricate than that. Our campers
can figure it out because they’re smart, so ask them to
explain the game. I’ll just stick to rambling on paper.
Let’s have a quick flashback to a few moments ago when I wrote (in reference to Jeopardy):
“And the intermediates… they’re good at other
things. Like bowling maybe.” Wow, that’s some real
good sentence structure. It’s also foreshadowing, be-
Chevra Shmooze
cause it turns out the intermediates are really good at
Bunk Feud! They won the main portion of the game
on Thursday, and will head to a bonus round on Friday to try and win even more prizes!
Speaking of even more, there’s more to discuss on Thursday! We had another intercamp game,
this time against Camp All Stars, and uh, guess who
turned out to be the REAL all-stars. If you guessed
Camp Romimu, you’re wrong. Also, that’s a
sleepaway
camp. The correct answer is
Camp Chevra!
Our fifth graders
defeated theirs,
and we improved to 2-0 in
intercamp play
this week! Great
job and great
teamwork and
great alle gitte zachin!
Before continuing, I must ask: is that a rabbit
or a rabbi? NO! It’s a rabbi or a rabbit! Gosh.
Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a
plane? No, it’s a LEAGUES UPDATE! Or maybe it’s
Tzviki getting walloped. No, I was right the first time.
It’s a bird. But it is time for a leagues update regardless, and we begin, as always, with our junior division. We have a shakeup in the standings! Jak’s Jacks
lead the way at 5-2-2, and Jac’s Jacks are in second at
4-3-2. Don’t misread that! They’re not 52-2 or 5-22.
Only the Swikers are 52-2. Who da man? Yehuda
Mann! And he’s 3-4-2. Ari’s Kaufmen also put in
their fair share of effort, and we applaud that.
In the intermediate division, there are two
first place teams, which means that everyone else
moves up a spot, and nobody is in last! (That’s how it
works, right?) Yehoshua’s Tzvikis and Tzviki’s Yehoshuas dominate as dominatingly as they can at 6-41! Also, Word has informed me that “dominatingly”
is a real word! Avramie’s Totals Before Deductions
(Net Gains Plus Costs) are 5-6. Please tell me you get
that joke! Elisha’s Beymen are doing their part to
help the environment by not wasting energy.
In the senior citizen circuit, Mordechai’s
Mordechais still have yet to lose a game! That’s a lie,
but they are in first at 10-3. Shloime’s Bears are 6-52, Bob’s Blobs are 4-6-3, and Menachem’s Team
doesn’t know the meaning of defeat. Someone should
probably tell them, though…
And finally, that brings us to the staff
leagues, where the DEARTHS have been in complete
Volume 8, Issue 4
shambles since Gav resigned! They’ve rifled through
head coaches (Rabbi Peikes, Zevi Ornstein, even
Johnny English) but still have yet to win a game since
Gav left. As of now Chaim Shmuel Stitzer is rumored
to be next at the helm, but he has yet to confirm or
deny those reports. Does he really want to take over a
last place team? Of course, with the DEARTHS in
last place, that means Uncle Ushy’s Ugly Umbrellas
are out of the basement, and they’ve managed to
squeak past Taz’s Toes into second place. Ovadia’s
Oatmeal remains atop the league, but can they hold
back Ushy’s rage? Only time will tell.
That should take us to Friday, but due to the
strict publication deadline, this was written before
anything actually happened. So I’m just going to
make assumptions on what I think was going to happen. On Friday, we all hunted antelopes in the woods,
and one of the trees began to fly. Meanwhile, camp
was visited by aliens who were searching for intelligent life forms, but sadly ran into Shalom Ber. Ari
Kaufman sang a ballad, Menachem Reiser adopted a
pigeon, Taz was named King of Earth, and we all had
marshmallows for dessert! What a fantastic Friday!
Finally, before concluding the week, the
Chevra Shmooze would like to extend a mazel tov to
Tzvi Dov Schechter, whose Bar Mitzva is this week.
He also happens to be the senior division Camper of
the Week. When he’s older, he will certainly look
back on this week fondly. Good times!
So what comes next? Well, on Monday
we have our annual cantata, and camp will
end at 2:30
PM. Please arrange
transportation accordingly! Tuesday is Tisha B’Av,
so
there’s
no
camp. Sad face.
Wednesday begins
playoffs,
except
for the Swikers, who have been in the playoffs all
season long. On Thursday, we have a pirt, which is
trip backwards. Apparently, I made that up last year.
Basically, instead of going somewhere, we’re bringing the trip to us! More deets to come, of course. Finally, Friday ends the first half with the championship
games. What a packed week!
I don’t know if you heard that sound, but I
think Tzviki just got flattened. Have a fantastic Shabbos!
Bunk ‫א‬
Eli Schechter
Bunk ‫ב‬
Yaakov Schuster
Bunk ‫ג‬
Dovid epstein
Bunk ‫ד‬
Shragi Wertzberger
Bunk ‫ה‬
Yehoshua Hamburger and Mayer Silber
Bunk ‫ו‬
Avi Zelefsky
Senior Citizens
Tzvi Dov Schechter
Staffer of the Week
Tzviki Weiss
Rabbi Burstein
Dovid Bekermus
Rabbi Peikes
Chaim Zanvil Berkowitz and Dovid Mizrachi!
Rabbi Spivak
Moshe Joseph
Rabbi Sheinberg
Noach and Naftali Weinstein
Staff 2010
~~~
Head Staff:
Executive Director— Moshe Genuth (845) 596 7161
Executive Director— Rabbi Yissy Cherns (845) 248 1811
Director—Yaakov “Taz” Mayerhoff
Head Counselor and Learning Director— Rabbi Noam Peikes (845) 270 8256
Assistant Head Counselor (Sort of)— Gavriel Mayerhoff
King— Ushy Schwartz (917) 288 7756
Chevramazing Counselors:
Junior Division Head—Mordechai Kahana
Bunk ‫—א‬Yehuda Mann and Sruly Jakubovic
Bunk ‫ —ב‬Ari Kaufman, Oshi Jacobs, and Shua Frank
Bunk ‫ —ג‬Avramie Gross and Moshe Weisz
Bunk ‫ —ד‬Yehoshua Reiser and Heshy Kaufman
Bunk ‫ —ה‬Tzviki Weiss and Elisha Beyman
Bunk ‫ —ו‬Mordechai Kahana and Shloime Bob Bernemtzov
Senior Division Head— Shalom Who?
Assistant Senior Division Head—Menachem Reiser
Swikers Director— Uzi Kamensky
Assistant Swikers Ditector—Moshe Gottesfeld
Rabbeim:
First and second grades —Rabbi Burstein
Third and fourth grades— Rabbi Peikes
Fifth and sixth grades— Rabbi Spivak
Seniors— Rabbi Sheinberg
Specialty Chavrusa—Elie Schiff
Office Administrator: Mrs. Devorah Schwartz
Videographer: Chaim Shmuel (Not Charlie) Stitzer