Retirement - The Jewish World

RETIREMENT
THE JEWISH WORLD JANUARY 21, 2015
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Retirement
Does history repeat itself ? Is my life like that of my parents?
‘But what will I do all day?’
By MARILYN SHAPIRO
As Larry, my husband, and I settle into our
new life in Florida, it is interesting to compare our new life in Central Florida to my parents’ retirement years near Fort Lauderdale.
When the last of the Cohen children headed for college, my parents started spending
more and more of their winters in Florida and
the rest of the time at their cottage on Lake
Champlain. The first couple of years they visited Florida for a few weeks in January and
February, splitting their time between budget hotels, short-term rentals and relative’s
pullout couches. In time, they purchased a
one-bedroom condo in Hawaiian Gardens, a
complex in Lauderdale Lakes that they had
heard about through a cousin.
Jewish Sunshine
After years of living in upstate New
Pංർඍඎඋൾඌ ඈൿ ඌൾඇංඈඋඌ ංඇ උൾඍංඋൾආൾඇඍ ඒൾൺඋඌ.
York with few Jewish people and lots of
snow, they thrived in the sunshine and in
the company of Jewish friends and relatives
who had moved from New York City and
Long Island. Their lives felt into a pattern.
They shopped at Publix and went to their
doctors’ appointments in the morning. By
noon, they joined all the other retirees by
the pool, which was set on lovely gardened
grounds. The women splashed around in
the water, and the men kibitzed while sitting on beach
chairs under umbrellas. The
conversation consisted of
bad jokes, condo gossip,
politics, and discussions as
to which restaurants offered
the best early bird specials.
Dad and Mom started a Yiddish Club, which was ironic
in that Dad didn’t speak a
word of the language that
my mother had always used in talking to
her parents. Dad played poker; Mom went
to flea markets with friends.
Continued on page 24
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RETIREMENT
JANUARY 21, 2015 THE JEWISH WORLD
Transform your home today, stay safe tomorrow
(BPT) —While many can only dream
of the day they’ll retire, for baby boomers,
that dream is quickly becoming a reality. By
the year 2030, approximately 20 percent of
Americans are expected to be age 65 or older, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. But
retirement doesn’t necessarily mean relocating to a senior community. More and more,
adults choose to “age in place,” remaining
in their current home, even after retirement.
Here are a few ways to add extra convenience
today, and ensure a safe home in the future.
Change Common Areas
When thinking about the long-term, start
with the layout. In a perfect world, it’s ideal to have all the key living spaces — bathroom, kitchen and bedroom on the first floor.
If your home wasn’t built with a first-floor
bedroom or bath, and stairs have to be a part
of your plan, install no-slip strips on the
edge of each stair to help limit trips and falls.
Next, make sure there’s plenty of room
to move. Aim for doorways that are at least
32 inches wide, though 36 inches is ideal.
Tight corners and doorways are a challenge
for those with walkers or canes. For stressfree opening and closing, change out door
handles from traditional knobs to lever handles for an easier grip.
Then, focus on the flooring. Installing
carpeting can provide warmth and cushioning for you to enjoy now, and offers an
added element of safety when it might be
harder for you to maneuver around in the
future. Choose a low pile carpet to minimize tripping — too much shag is a safety
hazard. Area rugs are a major no-no, as unsecured rugs and loose carpet are one of the
main causes for slips and falls. If you can’t
bear the thought of losing your area rug, use
carpet tape to secure it firmly to the floor.
Boost The Bath
If you can only update one place in your
home, make it the bathroom. The bathroom
often offers the most opportunities for injury.
In fact, roughly 234,000 injuries occur an-
nually in the bathroom alone,
as stated by the Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention. An easy way to incorporate safety is to install grab
bars. Today’s grab bars are
stylish, fitting in seamlessly
with your space, rather than
seeming obtrusive and sterile.
Install them near the toilet,
(make sure you have a comfort-height commode for easy
sitting and standing) as well as in the shower.
Some models, like the corner shelf with grab
bar from Moen, pull double duty adding an
element of additional storage you can take
advantage of immediately, providing room
to store your shampoo, and will help keep
you safe while entering and exiting the bath.
Check out retailers for a wide array of options
that are fashionable as well as functional.
In the shower, a handheld showerhead,
is an ideal option for those who may want
to be seated while they bathe. Bending and
squatting can be hard on your joints as you
age. Finally, at the vanity, choose a faucet
with lever — they’re easiest to grip and turn
—and install sconces near the mirror for additional lighting.
Make Tasks Easier
In general, the most important advice
for any room in your home is to think efficiently. Locate items that work together
near each other to make tasks easier today,
tomorrow and in the years to come.
For some Jewish
seniors, it’s never
too late to find love
By MAAYAN JAFFE/JNS.org
“He asked if he could give me a ride
home. I told him my door was less than a
block away and I would be walking. He said
he would give me a ride anyway.”
So begins the story of Alan and Sharon
Poisner, who were married last October.
Alan, 80, and Sharon, a few years his junior,
weren’t looking for marriage. But a chance
meeting at a discussion group hosted at the
Village Shalom retirement community in
Overland Park, Kan., where the couple now
lives, brought them together.
“I invited him in for tea when he brought
me to the door. I said to him then, ‘I am not
interested in remarriage, I am not interested
in dating or a relationship. I moved into this
villa with a one car garage. I am only interested in good company,’” Sharon recalls.
“The tea was really good,” Alan says with
a wide grin, his eyes focused on his new wife.
The two giggle like the newlyweds they are.
Perfect Fit
The Poisners have both been married before; Alan lost his wife of 50 years in 2013.
As the couple learned more about each other,
they found that they had been living parallel lives. Their homes were blocks from one
another, and at one point their sons were in
the same Boy Scout troop. They both enjoy
learning, travel, and exercise. They even
subscribe to the same journals.
“I admit I wanted a companion, but I
wasn’t looking to get married,” says Alan.
“It became inevitable. We just fit perfectly.”
“His brain fascinated me and his humor
tickled my funny bone,” Sharon says, poking
her husband’s side lightly and lovingly with
her elbow.
Since moving into the one-car-garage
villa, the couple is thriving.They say they
each had successful marriages and brought
the positives into their new union. They also
learned a lot about themselves and marriage
from those original relationships, knowledge
that informs their current one. They describe
themselves as “flexible,” which they say alleviates any potential “stuck in my way” tension that could arise when two people who
are up in age come together.
“Live, Love, Laugh”
“‘Live, love, laugh’ is our motto. We each
had that same motto on a plaque before we
Continued on page 23
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RETIREMENT
THE JEWISH WORLD JANUARY 21, 2015
For some Jewish seniors, it’s never too late to find love
have a list of four qualities we see throughout
our friendships, we look for a date where three
out of four of those qualities are on the list.”
Frumin says that in her estimation the
most “worthwhile” marriages are friendship marriages, in which couples can live
as friends and see in each other the qualities
they love to be around. “They bring out the
best in you,” she says.
Continued from Page 22
met,” Alan says. “It has just been easy and
fun.” The Poisners’ situation is neither common nor particularly uncommon. According
to “Remarriage in the United States,” a 2006
report published by the U.S. Census Bureau,
an average of 35.9 percent of marriages
annually are between couples in which at
least one spouse is remarried. Among men
and women who married for the second or
third time, 91 percent were remarrying after
being divorced, and 9 percent were remarrying after being widowed. But only about
3 percent of men over the age of 65 (and 1
percent of women) tend to remarry.
Friendship
Chana Rachel Frumin, a narrative therapy
marriage counselor based in Mevo Modi’in,
Israel, says second marriages or those between senior citizens tend to be “friendship
marriages.” Frumin explains, “In a friendship
Finding Love Again
Alan Poisner, 80, and Sharon Poisner,
a few years his junior, were married last
October. They met at the Village Shalom
retirement community in Overland Park,
Kan. Photo courtesy of Maayan Jaffe.
marriage we explore the qualities of those
people around with whom we are the happiest
and most comfortable,” She added, “When we
ÁVILA INDEPENDENT RETIREMENT COMMUNITY
agency. There, he saw Ordman, whom he
had known through her husband. They cried
together, realizing how much they were both
suffering. They started spending more time
together. Today, they live in the same Weinberg Village building. Sherman is on the
third floor and Ordman is on the fourth.
“We had become friends, and now she is
my companion,” says Sherman. “I love her
dearly and she is fond of me.”
While the couple does not plan to tie the
knot, Sherman says that at least finding love
later in life is a path he would recommend to
anyone who loses a spouse.
“Find a love,” says Sherman. “Love, and
that feeling it brings—and that is individual
for everyone—it is important to life…I know
what it is to grieve. I was in a deep emotional
funk for almost two years. Then, Dora came
into my life and things started to change.”
He adds, “You know, I have developed
a philosophy: If you cannot fix it, forget it.
None of us lives forever…When I am feeling bad, in my mind I go to a happy place.
My place is with Dora.”
PRESWICK CHASE AT SARATOGA
Personalized independent living
Ávila is the Capital Region’s premier retirement community for seniors seeking an active,
independent lifestyle. Surrounded by the beauty
of the Pine Bush, Ávila provides a safe, scenic,
and unique place to call home. Because Ávila
was designed with active seniors in mind, it’s
easily accessible to everything from shopping
and restaurants to medical facilities and cultural
attractions.
Ávila offers lovely cottage homes and spacious 1- and 2-bedroom apartment-style residences with a balcony, sunroom, or patio. All of
our units are located on several acres of beautiful
gardens, wooded areas, and walking paths.
Our residents tell us that access, activities,
and proximity to family are what matter most to
them, and at Ávila , they thrive in a conveniently
located community with a year-round calendar
of events and compassionate neighbors and staff.
Here, independent living is personalized and
worry-free, because we provide customized service. We are proud of the quality, comprehensive
support our staff provides independent seniors.
Here, you will have access to a community liaison, a program and event coordinator, wellness
and fitness instructors, 24-hour security, housekeeping, maintenance and transportation personnel as well as visiting clergy.
Our refundable entrance fee model is a smart
Don Sherman, a resident at Weinberg Village in Owings Mills, Md., has not chosen
to remarry, but he did find love later in life
following the death of his wife in 1996. Now
80, Sherman has been with companion Dora
Ordman for 20 years.
Sherman says that after his wife’s death,
and after he recovered from several intense
illnesses, he began a grieving process from
which he was struggling to emerge. Eventally, he joined a grievance counseling group
through the Jewish Community Services
23
A resort style community
way to manage senior living costs. Ávila ’s 8090% refundable entrance fee ensures proper
long-term utilization of your savings and equity
and provides safekeeping of your hard-earned
assets while you live here. The fee is due upon
arrival and can be transferred to your estate or
refunded to you if you decide to leave.
Our all-inclusive, predictable monthly fees
cover your monthly expenses, including all
utilities, internet, wi-fi, cable, dining, security,
transportation, community maintenance, on-site
entertainment and more!
Ávila ’s aquatic center, spa, and state-of-theart fitness facilities cater to health-conscious seniors. Our beautiful community gardens, walking
paths, hobby studios, and entertainment rooms
offer residents opportunities to socialize and pursue their passions. With two restaurants and our
world-class dining, provided by the region’s top
restaurateur Mazzone Hospitality, our residents
are given a variety of dining options.
At Ávila , we understand and attend to our
residents’ individual needs so they can enjoy the
things that matter most—living active and independent lives, forming and deepening friendships, and embarking upon new adventures.
See for yourself how Ávila is setting the
standard in independent living. Visit us at www.
Avilaretirementcommunity.com.
Prestwick Chase at Saratoga is locally owned
and operated. Our community has been a part of
the Saratoga area for over 18 years. Located only
5 minutes from the heart of downtown Saratoga
on 120 acres, you can relax with the knowledge
you are living in a safe and secure community.
Our adult living community is designed for
those seeking more than a place to live, it is for
those seeking a beautiful way of life. Our residents enjoy life-enriching recreational and social
activities around the Saratoga area with many
revolving around the lovely shops, restaurants,
shows, museums, and college.
Our apartment styles include studios, one
bedrooms, two bedrooms, and cottages. All of
our units have attractive living and dining areas
with full size kitchens, appliances, washer, dryer,
storage closets, balcony or patio, and best of all,
utilities are included (except cottages).
We offer 24-hour security, transportation,
and we’re pet friendly. One of our outstanding
features is our 4 star restaurant and new High
Rock Bar and Lounge. On premises we offer a
spa, fitness room, an art center, putting green,
and a full service salon.
A beautiful way of life awaits you in the resort-style community of Prestwick Chase. We
hope you will begin to enjoy “the best season of
your life,” without the costly expense of home
ownership. You definitely won’t be bored!
1 and 2 bedroom apartments and cottages
Wellness programs and activities that support
active, healthy, independent lifestyles
Locations within Albany, Delaware, Rensselaer,
Saratoga, and Schenectady Counties
Pet friendly!
Apartment communities designed with seniors in mind.
DePaul Housing
Management
Sponsored by the Roman
Catholic Diocese of Albany
41 North Main Avenue
Albany NY, 12203
www.depaulhousing.com
518-459-0183
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RETIREMENT
JANUARY 21, 2015 THE JEWISH WORLD
Does history repeat itself?
Is my life like that of my parents?
Continued from Page 21
Daughters of Sarah now publishes the Golden book every four
weeks. To help allay printing costs, a suggested minimum donation
is $10/name. If you have any questions or concerns,
please do not hesitate to contact us at 724-3261.
The following contributions have been made to the Golden Book for the period
of Dec. 17, to Jan. 14, 2016.
IN MEMORY OF:
Cantor Dan Chick, by Shirley Gordon, Ruth & Michael Schulman, Evelyn Schwedock.
Tobie Schwebel Kessler, by Elaine Ainspan.
Bette Milstein, by Mollie Larner.
Dorothy Sommer, by Mr. & Mrs. Leo Gordon.
Henry Spector, by Mildred Kayne.
Jerome Watstein, by Daughters of Sarah Senior Community.
Selma Zvinyatskovskaya, by Daughters of Sarah Senior Community.
IN HONOR OF:
Louis Bluestein, by Eileen Bluestein.
Prof. Raymond Eisenstadt, by Marcy Freeman.
JUDSON MEADOWS
Enhanced assisted living
Come experience “The Art of Aging
Well” at Judson Meadows Assisted Living
Community! Your needs may change, but
why should your lifestyle? Judson Meadows offers enhanced assisted living — a
higher level of assisted living service that
allows you to age in place. After all, it is
about growth, not age!
APARTMENTS: Choose from studio
or one and two bedroom apartments which
all include handicap accessible private
bathrooms with showers. Heat and air conditioning are individually controlled. Basic phone, cable TV and internet access are
included. Each of the apartments at Judson Meadows is graciously designed and
awaits the personal touches that you will
provide that make it “home!”
TIERED LEVELS OF SERVICE:
Judson Meadows offers a comprehensive range of services to meet individual
needs. The basic level includes all meals
and snacks, housekeeping, personal care
and medication oversight and support. Additional assistance with medication management and personal care is available at
higher levels of service. Contact John Keegan, senior living consultant, at 831-2400
for information on levels of service and to
schedule a tour.
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT: The activities offerings at Judson Meadows will help
you maintain your active lifestyle. You’ll
find parties, games, outings, exercise classes, ice cream socials, guest speakers, shopping trips, nights at the local theatre, entertainment and so much more! The traditions
of all faiths are embraced, so your spiritual
and religious practices can be observed. We
have lots of friendly pet visitors too.
DINING EXPERIENCES: Our chefs
create delicious, rotating seasonal menus
that are approved by a registered dietitian.
All meals are served restaurant style to encourage socialization. It is all about enjoying great, nutritious food in the company
of wonderful people!
Call us to learn more about Short Term
Respite Care Stays, which will soon be
available at Judson Meadows Assisted Living at 518-831-2400 or visit www.JudsonMeadowsAssistedLiving.com.
Phone: 344-7018| Visit www.jewishworldnews.org
Outside of my father’s occasional game
of golf, my parents got their exercise walking back and forth to the pool. Deerfield
Beach was a half an hour drive, but my father hated the sun, the heat, and the sand.
As a result, my mother, who didn’t drive
in Florida, limited her visits to the ocean
to when her children could take her when
we visited.
Stale Entertainment
Hawaiian Gardens offered entertainment
in the clubhouse, usually someone who used
to work in the Borscht Belt. The performers
weren’t paid a great deal, many were a little
beyond their prime, and the audience could
be downright cruel. During one of our visits, a woman singer was belting out Broadway tunes. When she asked if the audience
would like a couple of more songs, one of
the residents yelled out, “No! You’re terrible! We want to hear the next act!”
Larry and I flew down at least once a
year and joined them in their routine. In the
morning, I would take my mother to the supermarket or the flea market. At noon, we
headed to the pool. At 3:30, no matter how
beautiful the weather, we all went upstairs
to get ready to leave by 4:30 p.m. for that
day’s early bird special. The meals varied
in quality, but there was tons of food with
enough leftovers and extra bread to take
home for the next day’s lunch. Even when
they relocated to a larger, nicer condo, their
routine remained the same. No matter what,
it always included visits from relatives and
friends from upstate New York as well as
get-togethers with new friends they had
made.
Is It So Different?
Although we enjoyed our visits, Larry
and I could not picture ourselves living the
sedentary East Coast condo life that my parents enjoyed. When we moved to our adult
active community in Central Florida, we
felt we had found our own piece of heaven
that quite different from my parents’ situation. Our home sits on a large scenic lot
with plenty of room for family and friends
to visit. Our community has two community pool/recreation centers where I take
exercise classes and Larry plays pickleball.
We have miles of neighborhood streets
where we take long walks and longer bike
rides. Numerous clubs and groups give us
lots of ways to meet people from around
the country and the world. Many of the activities revolve around the synagogue and
the Shalom Club, but we also participate in
club activities offered by groups with ties
to Italy, England, Jamaica, and Western Upstate New York. We have a full, diverse life.
Now that we have been here a while,
however, I realize that we have much in
common with my parents. We go to the pool
and pickleball courts to visit with friends.
We often head to our favorite restaurant
by 4:30 so we can beat the crowds. Recent
entertainment included a headliner from
the ’60s whose toupee and fancy tux didn’t
cover the fact that his body and voice were
not what they were 50 years ago. The ocean
is 90 minutes away, and we often don’t feel
like fighting the traffic. We share a great
deal of time with our family and our old
friends from around the country. And, like
my parents, we plan on escaping the summer heat by heading out of the area. We will
go to to Frisco, Colo. It’s not Lake Champlain, but at 9,000 feet it certainly beats
Florida’s summers.
“Not For Us”
When my daughter and son-in-law recently visited us, they repeatedly told us
how glad they were that that we were so
happy here. However, they also said they
wouldn’t choose this lifestyle.
If they are fortunate enough to have
life after full-time employment, they want
small mountain towns and ski trails. I hope
wherever they live, they will enjoy sunny
skies, good health, lots of activities to keep
busy, and most important, many relatives
and old and new friends with whom to
share their time.
Marilyn Shapiro, formerly of Clifton
Park, is now a resident of Kissimmee, Fla.