R a n e y R a v e s

R a n e y
R a v e s
Ruanda,
your
lovely
Raney
Senator
has
this
thing
called
a
life
and
she
got
too
busy
to
provide
us,
the
residents
of
Raney,
with
our
much‐loved
“Raney
Raves.”
While
she
is
down
the
hall
working
busily
on
her
homework,
I
(Paige)
will
neglect
mine
(as
usual)
and
provide
you
with
the
new
(and
perhaps
improved?)
“Raney
Raves.”
You’re
welcome.
So,
now
that
the
Raney
Raves
have
been
resurrected,
Hall
Council
has
asked
that
I
change
the
name
to
something
more
fitting
of
our
fellow
res.
hall’s
publication’s
names.
I
have
here
some
suggestions
that
you
The
purpose
of
this
bulletin
is
for
me
to
lay
esteemed
Raney
Hall
residents
may
like.
In
down
some
shit.
the
near
future,
when
I
get
around
to
it,
there
will
be
a
box
in
the
lobby
for
you
to
vote
for
WASH
YOUR
HANDS
AFTER
USING
THE
your
favorite
choice
or,
if
you’re
some
sort
of
TOILET.
elitist
and
want
to
come
up
with
your
own,
You’re
in
the
stall.
The
toilet
paper
dispenser
you
can
do
that
too.
makes
its
dispensing
noise.
The
toilet
flushes
• The
Raney
Rack
and
you
step
out,
forward,
as
if
maybe
you
• The
Raney
Rag
will
wash
your
hands.
My
heart
beats
frantically,
my
soul
yearns
to
see
your
manual
• The
Raney
Rim
Job
extremities
bathed
in
the
gentle
waterfall
of
• The
Raney
Rapist
the
faucet.
But
no,
you
walk
to
the
door
and
touch
the
door
handle,
rendering
my
own
• The
Raney
Roofie
hygiene
invalid.
I
KNOW
YOU
EITHER
• The
Raney
Ron
Jeremy
TOUCHED
YOUR
VAGINA
OR
YOUR
A‐HOLE
MAYBE
BOTH.
HAVE
YOU
EVER
WATCHED
THAT
EPISODE
OF
ZOOM
WHERE
THE
GLITTER
REPRESENTS
GERMS
AND
A
note
from
your
paper
lady:
EVERYTHING
GETS
GLITTERY?
Esteemed
Raney
women;
as
our
current
This
is
a
submission
from
a
Raney
girl
who
wishes
to
remain
anonymous
for
the
time
being,
but
what
she
has
to
say
is
quite
important
if
you
ask
me,
so
check
it
out:
I
am
not
targeting
one
specific
person,
because
there
are
several
of
you.
This
is
not
a
suggestion
for
you
to
band
together,
unless
you
unless
your
band
is
in
the
form
of
a
support
group.
If
you
have
some
shit
that
you
too
would
like
to
lay
down,
feel
free
to
submit
it!
You
can
email
me:
[email protected]
or
if
you
prefer
to
be
anonymous
for
some
reason
or
another,
you
can
just
slide
your
article
under
my
door.
status
between
dorms
such
as
Galloway
and
Veasey
dwindles
upon
our
struggle
for
recognition,
my
proposition
to
end
this
strife…is
more
men.
As
I
visit
Veasey,
Galloway
and
even
Couch,
I
discover
the
fact
that…fuck
there
are
more
men
here
than
in
the
entirety
of
Raney.
This
is
an
embarrassment.
Hot
girls
such
as
Sarah
Bullock
and
LaRonda
Mitchell
should
not
be
left
to
prune
like
a
raisin
in
the
proverbial
sun
of
singleness.
Please
girls,
get
more
men.
Anonymous
submission.
H a l l
C o u n c i l
T i d b i t s :
Raney
apparently
hosts
a
party
every
year
called
“Bondage
Bash.”
(I
know,
it’s
so
un‐nun‐
ish
sounding!)
Here’s
how
it
works:
We
voted
on
a
movie
to
show.
It
took
way
longer
than
it
should
have
to
choose
one
effing
movie.
1. You
decorate
a
tie.
2. Your
roommate
gives
the
tie
to
a
cute
boy
(or
girl).
3. The
cute
boy
(or
girl
if
that’s
what
you’re
into)
comes
to
bondage
bash
wearing
your
tie.
4. You
discover
that
your
roommate
is
the
best
roommate
ever
or
the
most
evil
roommate
ever.
5. You
spend
the
evening
with
whomever
your
roomie
set
you
up
with.
We
decided
cookies
are
awesome
because
they
can
be
made
in
any
shape.
In
hall
council
we
discussed
some
of
the
logistics
of
the
party,
and
asked
A.J.
(your
president,
duh)
a
million
questions.
This
eventually
led
into
a
discussion
about
sexual
orientation
and
polygamy.
Yeah,
we
are
kind
of
ADD
and
tend
to
get
off
topic
quite
easily.
Anyway,
here’s
some
FAQ:
Q:
Can
my
date
be
a
girl?
A:
Yes,
sexual
diversity
is
a
lovely
thing.
Talk
to
your
roommate,
it’s
whatever.
Q:
Can
girls
from
res.
halls
other
than
Raney
attend?
A:
Only
as
the
date
of
a
resident
of
Raney
Hall.
Q:
What
if
my
roommate
and
I
hate
each
other?
Or
I
don’t
have
a
roommate?
Or
I
have
more
than
one
roommate?
A:
It’s
cool
if
you
want
a
friend
in
Raney
who
is
not
your
roommate
to
give
your
tie
to
a
date,
just
talk
to
your
roommate(s)
(unless
of
course
you
don’t
have
one)
and
let
them
know
what
your
plans
are,
and
make
sure
you
or
someone
else
is
taking
care
of
their
date.
Q:
Can
I
get
more
than
one
date?
A:
No
ma’am.
One
tie,
one
date.
Hardly
anyone
showed
up
to
the
meeting.
The
freshmen
representatives
are
the
coolest.
There
was
some
prospie
chick
sitting
in
on
the
meeting.
She
was
hot.
S e n a t e
T i d b i t s :
Upcoming
Events:
‐Feb
23rd‐
Career
Fest
09
begins
‐Feb
24th‐
ECC
Burrow
Cup
event
‐Feb
26th‐
Invisible
Children
at
7
in
Hulen
Ballroom
‐Feb
28th‐Natalie
Stoval
in
Staples
If
you’re
a
freshman
and
you
aren’t
getting
LaRonda’s
senate
notes
emailed
to
you
then
you
should
email
I.T.
and
they’ll
fix
it.
(LaRonda
is
your
freshman
senator
in
case
you’ve
been
living
under
a
rock
for
the
last
6
months)
Parking
in
service
spots
on
weekends
and
not
getting
a
ticket
for
it?
Yeah,
that’s
a
dirty
lie.
Also,
it’s
illegal
to
park
against
the
flow
of
traffic
on
the
street.
Duh.
Want/need
to
contact
senate
for
a
Raney
related
issue?
Contact
Ruanda
by
email
at:
[email protected]
H
A
R
D
I
N
I
interviewed
Knox
in
his
room,
as
he
was
very
busy
working
on
something
music
related
with
his
friend
Caufeild,
who
sat
in
on
the
interview
and
interjected
important
things
throughout.
Paige:
“Have
you
ever
considered
DJ‐ing
as
a
career?”
Knox:
“No,
but
Deer
Pussy
definitely.”
(Deer
Pussy
is
Knox’s
band.)
P:
“How
did
you
become
such
a
hottie?”
K:
“Deer
Pussy.
It’s
the
sex
appeal
of
being
in
a
band.”
P:
“How
did
you
end
up
in
Hardin?”
K:
“It’s
too
loud
over
there.”
Points
to
Martin
“There’s
too
many
hippies
over
there.”
Points
to
Couch
“Noise
and
hippies
interfere
with
my
reading.”
P:
“Favorite
celebrity
boobs?”
K:
“None.
I
like
to
read.”
Caufeild:
“Knox
is
very
literate.”
H
O
T
T
I
E
Knox
is
a
D.J.
at
the
Hendrix
radio
station
(93.1fm).
(Every
Wednesday
from
10:00pm
–
11:00pm
and
every
Thursday
from
7:00pm
–
8:00pm.)
He
and
two
other
hotties
have
started
a
band
called
“Deer
Pussy.”
Caufeild
(fellow
band
member
and
friend)
kindly
explained,
“Deer
Pussy
is
a
parody
on
the
word
‘dear’,”
because
apparently
“Dear
_______”
is
a
popular
type
of
band
name?
They
played
their
intro‐song
for
me
and
it
was
surprisingly
uh,
let’s
go
with
‘good’.
Caufeild
wrapped
up
the
interview
nicely
with
some
facts
about
Knox:
“He
doesn’t
drink
and
he’s
afraid
of
sex.
He
goes
to
bed
at
9:00
every
night
and
he
has
bad
dreams
about
his
parents.”
So
next
time
you
see
this
Hardin
Hottie
around
give
him
a
wink
and
say
hello!
B
e
e
r
P
o
n
g
R
u
l
e
s
:
Whilst
reflecting
on
my
college
experience,
I
have
figured
out
that
the
game
of
beer
pong
has
become
increasingly
gendered
towards
men.
However
I
feel
as
though
this
is
an
atrocity.
Here,
on
popular
demand,
are
some
rules
for
playing
beer
pong.
Different
techniques
for
throwing
the
ball.
A
standard
10‐cup
setup
The
game
of
beer
pong
and
its
rules
vary
between
games,
from
Midwest
Pong
to
East
Coast
and
West
Coast
Pong.
However,
here
are
some
common
rules
for
Hendrix
pong:
1. Typically
teams
of
two
stand
on
either
side
of
the
table.
2. 10
cups
are
filled
with
2
beers
of
your
choice.
3. The
game
begins
with
a
player
from
either
side
in
an
eye‐to‐eye
throw
to
determine
which
teams
will
throw
first.
4. Once
determined,
the
team
throws
the
ball
attempting
to
make
it
into
a
cup.
5. One
cup
is
taken
away
for
a
make,
and
two
cups
for
a
bounce.
6. If
you
make
a
cup,
and
then
your
teammate
makes
the
same
cup
it
results
in
3
cups
and
your
team
shoots
again.
7. If
you
and
your
teammate
both
make
separate
cups,
it
results
in
2
cups
and
balls
back.
8. Each
team
is
allowed
one
sniper,
where
they
can
call
the
cup
they
think
they
will
make.
If
successful
the
player
gets
the
ball
back
and
can
shoot
again.
9. Whichever
team
makes
the
10
cups;
the
other
team
gets
a
rebuttal.
If
they
make
a
cup,
they
get
their
ball
back
and
can
shoot
again.
If
the
other
team
successfully
makes
the
remaining
cups,
it
results
in
a
3‐cup
overtime.
G
I
R
L
C
R
U
S
H
:
Name: Scarlett Johansson
Age: 24
Political Affiliation: Democrat
Quote: "It's part of being a girl. We get to
change up our thing and confuse everybody"
m
u
s
i
c
Artist: Natalie Stovall
Genre: Country
Hometown: Nashville
Coming to Hendrix College: Friday February 27th
Artist: Pete Murray
Genre: Folk-Pop
Song to Download: Opportunity
Hometown: Queensland, Australia
Artist: Keane
Genre: English Piano Rock
Song to Download: Crystal Ball
Hometown: Battle in East Sussex, England
Artist: The Cool Kids
Members: Antoine "Mikey Rocks" Reed and Evan
"Chuck Inglish" Ingersoll
Genre: Hip Hop
Coming to Hendrix College: This semester.