Empowering Writers Month 6
Transcription
Empowering Writers Month 6
Month 6 - TEST PREP - WRITING TEST PREPARATION The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 | ©2013 Empowering Writers Student Page Name: _______________________________________ 1DUUDWLYH:ULWLQJ'LDPRQG SP1 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Student Reference Sheet Narrative Writing Rubric °6WLOO+DVD:D\WR*R Shopping list. Too short. Hard to understand. Not enough details and interesting words. °6WLOO1HHGV:RUN It has a little bit of detail, but mostly general details like nice, good, red, blue, very, etc. It has an okay beginning, middle and end. Lacks a single entertaining MAIN EVENT! Does not include the main character’s feelings or reactions. Needs more elaboration to make it interesting. °*RRG Has a beginning, middle end, organized. Has some specific elaborative details and remains focused on the important events. Needs more elaboration to make it interesting. Although there is a single main event, the piece lacks a balance of action, description, and dialogue for a significant, single, and entertaining main event. Does not include enough of the main character’s feelings or reactions. Includes evidence of most parts of the writing diamond. ° )DQWDVWLF :RZ Has a strong beginning, middle and end. It is interesting and entertaining. Stays focused on the important events. There is clear evidence of every section of the writing diamond and lots of great description. Author uses interesting words, vivid vocabulary and sentence variety. There is a mixture of action, description, feelings and dialogue. This story is smooth and easy to read. SP2 The Essential The Essential Guide Guide to Grade to Grade 4 Writing: 4 Writing: Month Month 5: Month 6 | 5 ©2013 | ©2012 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Anchor Set Score point 2 (Untitled) Woosh! went the winter wind. It was a snow day and there was no school. I decided to go outside and play in the snow. It was really cold out there and there was lots of snow and ice everywhere. I called my friends Brendan, Paul, Jack and Sam. We would do fun stuff in the storm. We were all dressed warm with our hats and scarves and boots. First we got our sleds and tubes and went down the Academy Hill. “Faster!” I yelled. We wiped out a few times but kept going. Then we made a fort against Sam’s garage and had a big snowball fight. We ambushed a bunch of girls from the other school and they were screaming like crazy. Ha! We tried to make a snowman but the snow was too soft. Oh well. The snow angels didn’t last either cause the snow just blew around too much. By then we were all wet and freezing cold. We went in and dried off and ate lunch. My mother put our clothes in the dryer and they came out nice and warm. When we warmed up we got dressed and went out and did it all again. It was weird that the pond wasn’t frozen cause we wanted to go skating. But it was still a really fun day. I still remember all the fun we had! Because there was no school and it was snowing! I hope it snows again tomorrow. And the next day too! 271 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 | ©2013 Empowering Writers Anchor Set The Hike Score point 3 “Okay, is everyone ready?” asked our hike leader. “Yes!” the thirteen of us replied. I was at a 2 week sleep away camp with my friend Jake. The camp was on Lake George so there were plenty of mountains and paths to hike up and down. Everyone had heavy backpacks carrying supplies you’d need -food, water, clothes, tents, and much more. Soon enough we started heading into the woods. We could barely see the trail through the thick woods. Small waves were breaking on the lake on our left and trees surrounded us on our right. When we reached our first resting point we stopped and looked around. It was early, about LQWKHPRUQLQJDQGWKHODNHUH¿HFWHGWKHOLWWOHVXQOLJKWFRPLQJRYHUWKHGLVWDQWPRXQWDLQV It was an amazing sight, but nothing compared to what we would see later. We lugged our 25 pound packs up the hill. We struggled and dragged our feet trying to get to our destination ¬a huge boulder in a big clearing. From that boulder you could see everything for miles around. I couldn’t wait to see it! Eventually we came over the final hill. “We made it!” I screamed. I ran the final steps of the way as fast as I could, huffing and puffing. Every step felt like my last. My legs could give way any second. The big gray boulder was in full view! The last steps seemed like they took forever. I finally got there, dropped my backpack and collapsed on the ground. My heart was pounding. I was all sweaty. When I had the strength to get up on the boulder (it was pretty hard) I looked out over the lake. My mouth dropped open and my eyes could hardly take it all in. It was great, trees and water as far as anyone could see, the islands on the far left, mountains past the islands, and of course motor and sailing boats going across the water. It was about noon and the sun was directly above us which made the lake look even better. All I could really think of saying was, “Wow!” It was one of the coolest things I had ever seen. Camp was already worth it! The weird part was, this was just the first few hours of our hike! Imagine what the rest of the hiking trip was like! 272 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 | ©2013 Empowering Writers Anchor Set The Contest Score point 4 I felt like I was in an oven as I ran across the cold, wet sand to the water. It was summer me and my cousins were at Hingham Harbor having a blast at the beach. Seagulls circled in the clear blue sky. The sky blue water was crystal clear and cold. Small SRROVRIZDWHULQWKHZHWVDQGKHOGFUDEVFODPVDQGVKHOOV6HDZHHGVTXLVKHGXQGHUP\ feet and barnacles brushed my ankles. We dived like dolphins into the water again and again until we were tuckered out and had to take a rest. When we were warm and dry my cousin said, “Let’s have a sandcastle building contest”. It would be the boys against the girls. There were more girls, but the boys had their older cousin who was a pro at making sandcastles. The girls’ team ran to the house for a collection of buckets and pails. We raided the NLWFKHQIRUURXQGVTXDUHDQGUHFWDQJOHVKDSHGWXSSHUZDUHERZOV7KHVHZRXOGEHWKH molds for our castle! We took along some shovels and spoons, scoped out a great spot where the sand was damp and got to work. We could see the boys on the other end of the beach, but we didn’t pay any attention to them - at least not much. Starting with the biggest buckets, we made the main castle buildings. The smaller bowls made the fancy roof and side rooms. “Okay,” I called, “It’s time to decorate!” We found pretty shells with rough edges. Others were smooth and white as silk. They looked beautiful in a pattern around the castle walls, glistening in the sunshine. Whoosh, went the sound of the waves, and that gave us the idea to build a moat around it. “Everybody dig!” I shouted. Soon the moat (continued) The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 | ©2013 Empowering Writers 273 Anchor Set surrounded the castle grounds. In the back we carved out a swimming pool. We had to keep filling it up so it wouldn’t go dry. This was hard work. I felt sweat trickle down my back. Every so often we’d splash ourselves in the water to cool down so we could FRQWLQXHWKHZRUN,IHOWVRPHVHDZHHGVTXLVKXQGHUP\IHHWLQWKHZDWHU7KDWJDYHPH an idea! Landscaping! I pulled the slippery stuff out of the water and we pulled it apart into make¬ believe bushes. We “planted” them all around the moat. The finishing touch was a starfish that we stuck on the top of the highest tower. My heart beat fast as I gazed on our masterpiece! A smile crept across my face. When we couldn’t take the heat anymore we called our parents. The judging would begin! :HWRRNRQHODVWGLSDQGWKHQZUDSSHGRXUVHOYHVLQIX]]\WRZHOVDQGTXLHWO\ZDWFKHG They walked slowly around each castle, observing carefully. They whispered to each other and I clasped my hands together I could hardly wait. Uncle Mark finally clapped his hands. He had a decision. “We can’t decide,” he said. ²%RWKFDVWOHVDUHXQLTXH6RHYHU\RQHJHWVDSUL]H³ $XQW.DWK\FDPHRXWZLWKDWUD\RILFHFUHDPVDQGZLFKHV:HDOOJUDEEHGRQHDQG bit in. “Ummmm....” was all you could hear as we wiped the sweet cold ice cream from our mouths. The contest was over. It was getting late. The water was creeping up the shore and would soon wash our masterpiece away. Still, I’d never forget our amazing creation. And, even though the aunts and uncles wanted to be fair, we all know who really won the contest! It was the girls, hands down! 274 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 | ©2013 Empowering Writers Main Event Name: Here is a MAIN EVENT that is mostly a summary – a list of actions: My boat went down the rapids and then I lost my oar. After that I grabbed onto a branch and then I pulled myself out and didn’t go over the waterfall! A fully elaborated MAIN EVENT should include slow motion ACTION, DESCRIPTION (of a character, object or setting) and the main character’s FEELINGS and REACTIONS, and DIALOGUE and EXCLAMATIONS. The sound of my scream was lost in the thunderous crashing of the rapids. Icy cold water slammed against my face and soaked my clothes. My frozen hands and arms felt numb with cold and paralyzed by fear. I knew what was ahead. I knew it meant certain death. No one could survive going over the falls in a small wooden boat. Still, I couldn’t give up. I stared at the gray water. The waves were at least five feet high. The angry water was caped in white foam and each wave exploded over the boat, swirling over my feet. Huge, menacing black rocks like dinosaurs jutted out along the riverbank. Suddenly an exceptionally high wave grabbed at my oar and wrenched it from my hands. I watched helplessly as it bobbed out of sight. I grasped the edge of the boat and closed my eyes. “Please, please, don’t let me die,” I begged. That’s when I felt it. BOOM! The boat tilted down at a crazy angle and began hurtling over the falls like a rocket ship. I gritted my teeth, preparing to crash. “HELP!” I screamed, although I knew there was no way anyone could help me. Some instinct told me to reach out my arms, and without thinking I did. I flailed my arms out and grasped. The rough bark under my fingers felt like a miracle or like the hands of an angel. I held on to the stubby pine with all my might and yanked myself out of the water. My muscles quivered with the effort. Slowly, painfully, I yanked myself out of the churning water and on to the bank. My heart pounded and my chest heaved with the effort. I had made it! I had actually survived at trip over the falls! Do you see how much more entertaining this FULLY ELABORATED MAIN EVENT is than the summary? Read it again and color-code the following elements: ACTION: red DESCRIPTION: blue THOUGHTS/FEELINGS: orange EXCLAMATIONS: yellow SOUNDS: green SP3 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Prompt Analysis Name: Read this prompt and determine if it is an imaginative/fantasy narrative or personal experience narrative. Then analyze each prompt for the givens and variables. 1) 7KLQNDERXWEHLQJDWWKHEHDFK:ULWHDVWRU\DERXWVRPHWKLQJ\RXGLGZKLOHDWWKH beach. Type of narrative: Imaginative/fantasy or personal experience Think about the givens and variables and keep those in mind as you plan. Use the following framework to plan your story: This story is about _______________________. The adventure, experience or problem is that ___________________________________________________________________. The adventure or experience concluded/problem solved when ____________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ List at least two segments of elaborative detail you would include. _________________________________ SP4 ____________________________________ (continued) The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Prompt Analysis Name: Read this prompt and determine if it is an imaginative/fantasy narrative or personal experience narrative. Then analyze each prompt for the givens and variables. 2) <RXKDYHLQYHQWHGDVXSHUGXSHUYHKLFOHWKDWKDVQHYHUEHHQLQYHQWHGEHIRUH:ULWHD story about your vehicle, telling where you go, and what happens during your travels. Type of narrative: Imaginative/fantasy or personal experience Think about the givens and variables and keep those in mind as you plan. Use the following framework to plan your story: This story is about _______________________. The adventure, experience or problem is that ___________________________________________________________________. The adventure or experience concluded/problem solved when ____________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ List at least two segments of elaborative detail you would include. _________________________________ SP5 ____________________________________ (continued) The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Prompt Analysis Name: Read this prompt and determine if it is an imaginative/fantasy narrative or personal experience narrative. Then analyze each prompt for the givens and variables. 3) :KLOHRQDSLFQLFLQWKHZRRGV\RXPHHWDJLDQW:ULWHDVWRU\DERXW\RXUDGYHQWXUH with the giant. Type of narrative: Imaginative/fantasy or personal experience Think about the givens and variables and keep those in mind as you plan. Use the following framework to plan your story: This story is about _______________________. The adventure, experience or problem is that ___________________________________________________________________. The adventure or experience concluded/problem solved when ____________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ List at least two segments of elaborative detail you would include. _________________________________ SP6 ____________________________________ (continued) The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Prompt Analysis Name: Read this prompt and determine if it is an imaginative/fantasy narrative or personal experience narrative. Then analyze each prompt for the givens and variables. 4) 3OD\LQJRXWVLGHFDQEHORWVRIIXQ7KLQNDERXWDWLPHZKHQ\RXKDGDQH[SHULHQFH SOD\LQJRXWVLGH:ULWHDVWRU\DERXWLW Type of narrative: Imaginative/fantasy or personal experience Think about the givens and variables and keep those in mind as you plan. Use the following framework to plan your story: This story is about _______________________. The adventure, experience or problem is that ___________________________________________________________________. The adventure or experience concluded/problem solved when ____________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ List at least two segments of elaborative detail you would include. _________________________________ ____________________________________ SP7 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Practice Prompt Name: Imagine that you are exploring outdoors and find yourself in a very dangerous situation! Write a story about your adventure. <28:,//+$9(0,187(6723/$1 Type of narrative: Imaginative/fantasy or personal experience Think about the givens and variables and keep those in mind as you plan. Use the following framework to plan your story: This story is about ________________. The adventure, experience or problem is that ______________________________________________________________________. The adventure or experience concluded/problem solved when ______________________________________________________________________. List at least two segments of elaborative detail you would include. __________________________________ ____________________________ SP8 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Student Reference Sheet Narrative Revision Strategies Find a place in the story where the main character has a strong FEELING or EMOTION. (Afraid, sad, angry, shocked, delighted) Use a caret ( ^ ) to insert words that SHOW that feeling. Use a caret ( ^ ) to insert something your character is wondering or worrying about. This builds suspense! Insert a sound effect. This makes the story more entertaining to the reader. Find each story critical character, setting and object and be sure you’ve written a segment of elaborative detail that DESCRIBES it. Use good sentence variety and vivid words! Replace boring verbs with vivid, active verbs. Ex. Instead of: “I went down the path.” “I trudged down the path.” “I had a handful of popcorn.” “I gobbled a handful of popcorn.” “Get out!” I said. “Get out!” I hollered. Be on the lookout for overly general adjectives such as: cool, nice, fun, awesome, pretty. In their place, write some specific description that shows rather than tells. (In place of: “She wore a pretty dress.” try, “She wore a dress covered in lace, the color of a sunset.” SP9 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 5 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Main Event Name: Read this summary of a main event. It rushes through the most important part of the story way too quickly! It is BORING! I planted the most beautiful garden. I thought about how the flowers ZRXOGORRNDQGWKHQ,GXJWKHKROHVDQGSXWLQWKH¿RZHUVDQGWKHQ, ZDWHUHGWKHPDQGVDWEDFNDQGORRNHGDWKRZQLFHLWORRNHG REVISE this by writing a fully elaborated main event. Include a balance of: Slow motion action. S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-T-O-U-T! Include an exclamation. Show how the main character is feeling. Include what you saw, heard, felt and smelled. ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ SP10 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Revising Boring Story Beginnings Name: Read this story beginning. It is BORING! This story is about when I went camping in the forest. REVISE this story beginning. Use one of the following techniques to make this beginning entertaining! ACTION (Put the character in the setting doing something! Ask: What would you do?) A SOUND (Ask: What might you hear in the forest? DIALOGUE or an EXCLAMATION (Ask: What might you exclaim?) 7+28*+76RU48(67,216$VNZKDWPLJKW\RXZRQGHURUZRUU\" ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ SP11 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Showing Rather Than Telling Name: Read this short description. It is general. It tells but doesn’t SHOW. It does not include any specific details. It is BORING! ,FRXOGQµWEHOLHYHKRZPHVV\3HWHUµVURRPZDV Revise this by writing a vivid description. Write it so that the reader can actually see the room through your eyes! Do not include action that moves the story forward. Instead, freeze the moment and observe, using the 5 senses! BE SURE TO TELL: What was in Peter’s room that made it messy? (Not a grocery list! Put each detail in a separate sentence.) What might you FEEL and SMELL in a messy room? SHOW how you felt about what you saw! ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ SP12 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers What Feelings Look Like - Elaborative Detail Name: Read this short description of how the character feels. It is general. It does not include any specific details. It is BORING! ,ZDVUHDOO\VFDUHG Revise this by writing several sentences showing the reader how the character feels, rather than just telling. Think about what “scared” looks like. Write it so that the reader can actually see it through your eyes. Do not include action that moves the story forward. BE SURE TO TELL: Describe your facial expression. Describe your body language. How were you feeling on the inside? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ___ SP13 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Building Suspense Name: Read this sentence. It gives away an exciting part of the story way too soon! There is no suspense to catch the reader’s attention! It is BORING! ,FDPHIDFHWRIDFHZLWKDYLFLRXVGRJ Revise this by writing several suspenseful sentences! Use story questions or word referents. Tease the reader by describing and providing hints without revealing the dog until the end! ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Revelation: I came face to face with a vicious dog! SP14 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Extended Story Endings Name: Read this story ending! It is abrupt and boring. So that was the ending of my roller coaster ride. THE END Revise it by using a combination of the following techniques. A memory. A feeling. A wish or hope. A decision. ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ SP15 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Student Page Name: The Expository/Informative Pillar SP16 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Student Page Name: Effective and Ineffective: Summarizing Frameworks Compare each set of organizational plans below. Label compare/contrast plans CC. Label “How-to” plans HT. Circle the plan in each pair that will produce the more effective piece of writing. Be ready to discuss why one plan is more effective than the other! 1A) TOPIC: Sail Boats and Motor Boats 1B) TOPIC: Sail Boats and Motor Boats MAIN IDEA #1: Speed MAIN IDEA #1: All about sail boats MAIN IDEA #2: Cost MAIN IDEA #2: All about motor boats MAIN IDEA #3: Operation MAIN IDEA #3: Similarities between them 2A) TOPIC: Baking Brownies 2B) TOPIC: Baking Brownies MAIN IDEA #1: Ingredients MAIN IDEA #1: What to do first MAIN IDEA #2: Preparation MAIN IDEA #2: What to do next MAIN IDEA #3: Serving and eating MAIN IDEA #3: What to do last SP17 (continued) The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Student Page 3A) TOPIC: Going Sledding 3B) TOPIC: Going Sledding MAIN IDEA #1: First things MAIN IDEA #1: Dressing properly MAIN IDEA #2: Next things MAIN IDEA #2: Selecting a sledding spot MAIN IDEA #3: Finishing up MAIN IDEA #3: Sledding technique 4A) TOPIC: Playing Indoors or Out 4B) TOPIC: Playing Indoors or Out MAIN IDEA #1: Stuff to do inside MAIN IDEA #1: Playing alone MAIN IDEA #2: Stuff to do outside MAIN IDEA #2: Playing with others MAIN IDEA #3: Stuff to do in or outside MAIN IDEA #3: Learning games MAIN IDEA #4: Playing for exercise 5A) TOPIC: Doing Well in School 5B) TOPIC: Doing Well in School MAIN IDEA #1: School supplies MAIN IDEA #1: What to do before school MAIN IDEA #2: Study skills MAIN IDEA #2: What to do during the school day MAIN IDEA #3: Attitude MAIN IDEA #3: What to do after school SP18 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Student Reference Sheet Expository/Informative Writing Rubric °6WLOO+DVD:D\WR*R Some paragraphing but main idea sentences missing or unsupported. This piece has little if any organization. Details are general (ex. nice, cool, fun). Weak sentence variety and word choice. Usually missing an introduction and/or conclusion. A collection of disorganized facts. °$OPRVW7KHUH Has an introduction. The lead is weak, topic sentence is very general. There is some evidence of organization. Any number of well developed paragraphs in the body. Main idea sentences may be broad, overly general and overlapping, or too narrow. Mostly general details. Few adjectives and interesting words. Has a conclusion in which the main ideas are restated in a redundant or general way. ° *RRG Has a good organizational plan: a functional introduction with a lead and a topic sentence, any number of well developed paragraphs in the body, and an okay conclusion that restates the main ideas. Each paragraph has a broad yet distinct main idea. A mix of general and specific details. Uses at least some interesting words. Evidence of use of detail generating questions - “What does it look like?” “Why is it important?” Main ideas restated in conclusion. ° )DQWDVWLF :RZ Has strong organization: a terrific lead, clear topic sentence, well developed paragraphs, each with a broad yet distinct main idea and plenty of specific, powerful supporting details. Uses detail generating questions as well as descriptive segments, anecdotes, specific examples to back up statements, perhaps even quotes, statistics, and amazing facts. Demonstrates excellent word choice and sentence variety, making it smooth and interesting to read. Conclusion creatively restates the main ideas. SP19 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Anchor Set Anchor Set – Score Point 1: My Grandmother Do you have a grandmother that you love a lot? I do. My grandmother is pretty old. She lives in Florida cause she hates the winter. That’s bad cause she’s far away and I don’t see her all the time but it’s good cause we get to go to Disney. She makes real good cookies, cakes, brownies, spaghetti, and other good foods. My grandpa died a long time ago, so I don’t even remember him. When it’s my birthday she sends me a card with a lot of money in it. I usually buy something then I send her a thank you note or call her up if it’s at night. At her house there is a pool in the back of the house where we do lots of fun stuff. She is really so nice, my grandmother, and I miss her a lot. I wish she wasn’t so far away cause I could see her more and that would be good. She looks a lot like my mom but way older with wrinkles and stuff. But I love her a lot and miss her. She is nice to me and that is why I love her and miss her. Anchor Set – Score Point 2: My Mom Debbie My mom is a wonderful person. She does a lot for me. Is your mom like that? I admire my mom because she does a lot for me, she’s nice, and because she’s smart. I admire my mom for a lot of different reasons. My mom is kind. She’s kind because I get toys from her and she’s grand. She’s also thoughtful. She’s thoughtful because she thinks of me and buys me stuff like gifts. And she doesn’t let me down. She’s a wonderful person to have as a mom. So wonderful I can’t explain how wonderful she is. She’s the kind of person that could help you when you need help. I admire that. My mom has done a lot of wonderful things for me. One thing she did was buy my violin. Now that’s expensive to buy. I couldn’t rent one so I had to buy it. If you think a violin is expensive then how much do you think a huge keyboard might cost? Now I would say that’s much more than a violin. Camp costs so much I can’t even pay for it but she sent me to camp. She also got me toys. They’re nice toys, too. What she mostly gets me are toys like Beanie Babies and others My mom is real smart. She knows a lot of stuff, all kinds of things. She has a job that is hard, but she does it and she’s good at it even though her boss is mean. She knows about which vitamins to take, DERXWDQWLTXHVDERXWSD\LQJWD[HVDQGPXFKPXFKPRUH6KHGRHVFRPSXWHUVWRR So, now you know how wonderful my mother is. (continued) The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 | ©2013 Empowering Writers 289 Anchor Set Anchor Set – Score Point 3: My Brother “Owwww!” That’s usually the sound you’ll hear when my brother’s “beating me up”. He beats me up but doesn’t really hurt me. It’s his way of teasing. Even so, I admire him very much. He has many talents that I admire, he does things for me, and there’s a lot I can learn from him. I admire my brother in many ways. I’m amazed at how good he is at video games, like XBOX, Game Cube, and others. Danny is a good snowboarder too. He’s fast and can handle the advanced slope. He goes over steep moguls and jumps in a f lash. I wish I was as good. Did I mention that he plays tennis? He has a mean serve and backhand. By the way, he is a master of computer games like Super Smash Brothers and MVP Baseball. My brother Danny has done many things for me. Sometimes he helps me with my homework if I get stuck, like with my weekly challenge word spelling list. Without his help I wouldn’t have gotten a B+. He taught me to play video games and that’s when I started to enjoy them. I’m a much better MVP Baseball player thanks to Danny. He also showed me how to be really good at hiding out in different places. I never would have thought of crawling into the space under the cellar stairs or into the dark, musty corner of the barn. That makes me the neighborhood hide and seek champion! I’m hoping to learn many more things from my brother. I’d like to learn how he gets so much money in such a short time. He always has a bunch of dollar bills stuffed in his pocket and a lot of change that he jingles around. If I had that kind of money I’d buy a new computer game! I wonder DERXWKLVTXLFNUH¿H[HVWKDWPDNHKLPVRIDVWRQYLGHRJDPHV,I,FRXOGOHDUQWKDW,µGEHDQDZHVRPH and undefeatable Super Smash Brothers player. Also, I’ve always wanted to figure out how he avoids getting into fights with my mom. I’d like to know how he charms her with his sparkling smile. Like I said before, I’ll love him always, (unless he does something awful to me.) Now you know why I admire him, all the things he does for me and what I still want to learn from him. So now you know who my special person is. I hope you know a special person like Danny! 290 (continued) The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 | ©2013 Empowering Writers Anchor Set Anchor Set – Score Point 4: Carol Evans Clark All of us have people in our lives that we love, respect, and admire – a cherished parent, family member, or friend that has changed our lives and has pointed us in the right direction. For me that person is my mother. Her sensitivity and willingness to teach me new things help make our relationship special. There are tons of sensational things that I admire about my mother, but her sensitivity is what makes her most special. She is a wonderful person to talk to and is an excellent listener. I remember the time when I came home from school crying because one of the kids called me stupid when I didn’t get the math we were doing. My mom was so understanding. We sat down together and worked at those fractions and ratios until I got it. She is very respectful of your feelings. Just last week my friend .DWLHZDVXSVHWZLWKKHUVRFFHUFRDFK0\PRPOHW.DWLHWHOOKHUWKHZKROHVWRU\DQGRIIHUHGKHUVRPH DGYLFH,WZDVQµWORQJEHIRUH.DWLHµVIURZQPHOWHGLQWRDUHOLHYHGVPLOH$QGPH":KDW,IHOWZDVSURXG -proud to have a mom that even my friends can talk to! My mother and I have an exhilarating relationship, doing things together. We shop ’til we drop, take bike rides near the shore, or catch a movie together. Through it all, the two of us laugh and cry, just like the best of friends. My next door neighbor, Mrs. Holberg always says, “Yeah, that girl and her mother are always laughing together on the way to somewhere or other!” If Mom has to go to Barnes and Noble, for example, and I want to have a playdate, she will often change her plans and let me call P\IULHQGEXWWKHUHLVDOLPLW,WU\WRSXWKHU¾UVWVRPHWLPHVWRRVRLWµVDOOIDLUDQGVTXDUH Even after all the things my mom has done for me there are still plenty of things I’d like to learn from her. Gardening is one of them. When my mom’s mom was alive she’d always be out in the garden teaching my mom. Now, my mom is teaching me! I can prune a rosebush, and plant crocus and daffodil bulbs just deep enough to bloom perfectly! My mom also learned cooking from her mom and now she shows me how to do it and lets me try. You should taste my creamy delicious fettuccini alfredo topped with grated Parmesan cheese and fresh parsley! Ummm…ummmm good! My mom also went to school for art and photography and during the summers we have art contests together. She shows me how I can improve and now I’m almost as good as she is! Art, gardening, and cooking are just some of the things I hope to continue to learn from my mom. Maybe I’ll even pass them on to a daughter some day! So, all of us have relationships with people we love and respect, special people who point us in the right direction, who are sensitive to our needs and who share their talents with us. Who is it in my life that does all that and more? That special person is my mother, Carol Evans Clark. 291 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 | ©2013 Empowering Writers Prompt Analysis Name: 1) Most people find animals fascinating. Think about an animal that interests you. Write a piece describing your animal, its habitat, and its behavior. TOPIC: _____________________________________ MAIN IDEAS: 1) ___________________________ ___________________________________ 2) ___________________________ ___________________________________ 3) ___________________________ ___________________________________ (Add as many main ideas as necessary.) 2) Imagine the perfect birthday party. Write a piece that tells all about the perfect party. TOPIC: _____________________________________ MAIN IDEAS: 1) ___________________________ ___________________________________ 2) ___________________________ ___________________________________ 3) ___________________________ ___________________________________ (Add as many main ideas as necessary.) SP20 (continued) The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Prompt Analysis 3) Do you have a favorite restaurant? It might be a fancy place, or simple a fast food restaurant. Write a piece giving information about your favorite restaurant. TOPIC: _____________________________________ MAIN IDEAS: 1) ___________________________ ___________________________________ 2) ___________________________ ___________________________________ 3) ___________________________ ___________________________________ (Add as many main ideas as necessary.) SP21 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Student Reference Sheet Name: 6+2:'21µ77(// DETAIL GENERATING QUESTIONS: :KDWGRHVWKDW²ORRN³OLNH" 'HVFULEHXVLQJWKH¾YHVHQVHV :K\LVWKDWLPSRUWDQW"([SODLQ &DQ\RXJLYHD63(&,),&H[DPSOH" (Replace general words such as: stuff, things, and much more) ,VHDFKGHWDLOLQD6(3$5$7(VHQWHQFH" SP22 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Paragraphs for Revision Name: Read each paragraph. Notice that these paragraphs do not include enough specific supporting details to make them effective. On another paper, REVISE each paragraph by asking and answering WKH'(7$,/*(1(5$7,1*48(67,2165HPHPEHUWRXVHJRRGVHQWHQFHYDULHW\,QFOXGHVRPHYLYLG adjectives to bring the writing to life! 1) Art class is a great place to be creative. There is a lot of cool stuff to use to make things. There’s paint, crayons, construction paper, clay, and much, much more. You can make a project that shows your mood. Colors and different things to glue can help you do that. The teacher shows you how to do awesome stuff there. $6.:KDWGRHVWKDWORRNOLNH" :K\LVWKDWLPSRUWDQW" ,VHDFKGHWDLOLQDVHSDUDWHVHQWHQFH" &DQ\RXJLYHDVSHFL¾FH[DPSOHRIWKDW" 2) $QLFHFUHDPVXQGDHZLWKDOOWKHWRSSLQJVLVWHUUL¾FGHVVHUW. You start with whatever flavor ice cream you like. You could even mix flavors. You put on the topping, like chocolate or fudge and whipped cream. Then you put on the sprinkles, nuts, and all kinds of small candies. $6.:KDWGRHVWKDWORRNOLNH" :K\LVWKDWLPSRUWDQW" ,VHDFKGHWDLOLQDVHSDUDWHVHQWHQFH" &DQ\RXJLYHDVSHFL¾FH[DPSOHRIWKDW" SP23 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Student Reference Sheet *2/'(1%5,&.6 Here is a fact the author wants to state: It takes a lot of practice to become a concert pianist. The author could then show this fact more powerfully by following it with a “golden brick”: Concert pianist Monica Jenson says, “Most kids spend a good part of their childhoods having play dates, running around outside, and playing video games. I spent every free minute practicing the piano.” (quote) or For example, I hear my sister working on scales, arpeggios, etudes, and exercises every single day! This is how she strengthens her fingers so that she can play well. (anecdote) or In fact, some concert pianists practice so much that they develop muscular, joint, and nerve problems such as carpal tunnel syndrome or tendinitis. DPD]LQJIDFW or The young man leans over the keyboard, his shoulders hunched, fingers curved and powerful. His wrists move gracefully as he plays the musical runs over and over and over again until the notes seem to sparkle. (descriptive segment) or Thousands upon thousands of children take piano lessons, but of these perhaps only one or two will have a career as a concert pianist. Those who have talent and the determination to practice for as long as it takes are the ones who will “make it”. (statistic) SP24 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Going for the Gold Name: Read each paragraph below. Each paragraph could be strengthened through the use of a “GOLDEN BRICK”. Revise each paragraph by adding a specific kind of golden brick. Begin by underlining the Main Idea. Write your “Golden Brick” as an insert on the lines provided below each paragraph. 1) Having a desk helps keep your supplies organized and handy. (*Add a descriptive segment here that shows an organized desk.) Having all of your materials within arm’s reach saves precious minutes that might have been spent searching through your junk drawer or kitchen counter for scissors, paper clips, and scrap paper. Descriptive Segment: ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 2) One of the all-time favorite American desserts is ice cream. It is cold and refreshing, and of course, it melts in your mouth! And ice cream appeals to just about everybody because it comes in all kinds of flavors. There are old standbys like chocolate and vanilla, and interesting new flavors such as bubble gum and cookie dough. (*Add a statistic here about a group of people you know who love ice cream.) Whatever the flavor, most people agree that ice cream is delicious, inexpensive, and fun to eat! Statistic: ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ SP25 (continued) The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Going for the Gold 3) Even when you’d rather not hear it, your parents’ advice is usually intended to keep you healthy, happy, and safe. Let’s face it, parents have been around for a long time and they do love us and want what’s best for us. So, as annoying as it is to hear them nag about homework or studying, for example, we’re usually glad once we’ve done it! (Who doesn’t enjoy getting a good grade?) (*Add a quote here that shows your parent giving you advice of some kind.) I know they mean well and if I listen I’ll be better off for it in the end. 4XRWH ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 4) It is really important to remember to bring your homework to school with you. Some kids place their homework right into their backpacks as soon as it’s finished. Others have a special folder for their homework. It doesn’t matter what your routine is, as long as you have a system for getting your homework in on time! (*Add an anecdote here that shows what could happen if you DON’T have a routine that helps you remember your homework.) Getting your homework to school not only prevents stress, but builds responsibility! Anecdote: ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ SP26 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Student Reference Sheet :+$7<285,1752'8&7,213$5$*5$3+1(('6 A LEAD: Catch the reader’s attention with: DQDPD]LQJRUXQXVXDOIDFW DTXHVWLRQ DGHVFULSWLYHVHJPHQW DVWDWLVWLF DTXRWH DQDQHFGRWH A TOPIC SENTENCE: Briefly, clearly, tell the reader what the piece will be about. THE CONCLUSION PARAGRAPH: The concluding paragraph should “sum up” the main ideas of an expository/informative piece. However, this should not be a totally redundant restating of the main ideas. There are a number of different techniques that can be used to creatively restate the main ideas: UHVWDWHHDFKPDLQLGHDDVDTXHVWLRQ ZRUGUHIHUHQWV GH¾QLWLYHZRUGSKUDVHV LQIRUPDWLYHYHUEV UHVWDWHPHQWRIJHQHUDOWRSLFVHQWHQFH K\SRWKHWLFDODQHFGRWH SP27 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Analyzing Introduction and Conclusions Name: Analyzing Introductions and Conclusions Read the introduction and conclusion paragraphs below. They are BORING! INTRODUCTION: I like watching television, don’t you? You can watch shows that make you laugh. You can watch educational shows to learn about history, science, or art. You can watch TV to keep up with the news in the world. I will tell you all about the reasons to watch TV. CONCLUSION: I hope you enjoyed reading all about the reasons to watch TV. You can laugh along with the comedy shows, you can watch educational shows and learn all kinds of things, and you can watch the news. So that is all about the benefits of TV. THE END Now read the REVISED introduction and conclusion on the next page. In the Introduction: 8QGHUOLQHWKH/($'LQUHGWKH723,&6(17(1&(LQEOXH:KDWNLQGRIOHDGZDVXVHG" 1XPEHUWKHPDLQLGHDV In the Conclusion: Underline the questions that reflect main ideas in black – number each one. &LUFOHWKH'(),1,7,9(:25'253+5$6( 8QGHUOLQHWKHJHQHUDOUHVWDWHPHQWRIWKH723,&LQJUHHQ 8QGHUOLQH+<327+(7,&$/$1(&'27(6LQUHG SP28 (continued) The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Analyzing Introduction and Conclusions Name: INTRODUCTION: At any given moment, millions upon millions of people around the globe are taking part in a favorite pastime. Can you guess what it is? If you guessed that they were watching TV, you are right! Some enjoy a half hour of side-splitting comedy to lighten up a tough day. Others educate themselves by viewing programs about history, art, or science. Millions of others tune in to find out the news of the day around the world. For sure, television provides entertainment and education in many, many ways. CONCLUSION: Do you feel you need a good laugh? Are you determined to learn something new and exciting? Can you challenge yourself to stay up on the current events that affect the world you live in? If you answered yes, reach for the remote, settle yourself in a comfy spot on the couch, and tune in. Without a doubt, watching the best TV has to offer can lift your mood, enrich your mind, and even improve the world you live in! So, the next time you do some channel surfing, sit back, get ready to grow, and enjoy TV! SP29 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Revising Ineffective Introductions and Conclusions Name: Read the following ineffective introduction and conclusion. First, determine what the main ideas are that the author needs to state. Then, REVISE the introduction and conclusion using the techniques from your reference sheet What Your Introduction/Conclusion Paragraph Need. Introduction: Dogs make good pets. Do you like dogs? I will tell you what supplies you need for a dog. Then I will tell you about bringing your dog to the vet and finally I’ll tell you about training the dog. Read on to learn more. Your Revision: ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Conclusion: This is the end of my report about owning a dog. You learned about the things you need for your dog, about going to the vet, and about dog training. Maybe now you will get a dog. THE END Your Revision: ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ SP30 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Student Reference Sheet Expository/Informative Revision Strategies 5HDGHDFKIDFWLQWKHERG\RIWKHSLHFH$VN²:KDWGRHVLWORRNOLNH":K\LVWKDW LPSRUWDQW"” Use a caret to insert these details. /RFDWHRYHUO\JHQHUDODGMHFWLYHVVXFKDV²QLFH³²SUHWW\³²FRRO³²DZHVRPH³DQGUHSODFH them with VSHFL¾FGHVFULSWLYHGHWDLOV 5HSODFHJHQHUDOZRUGVZLWKVSHFL¾FH[DPSOHV and add adjectives: Ex. Replace “Birds” with “noisy white and gray gulls” Replace “Trees”with “towering blue-green pines” $GGDQanecdote, quote, or descriptive segment to add some punch to your piece. /RRNDW\RXUWRSLFZRUGDQGHDFKPDLQLGHD²EOXUE³5HSODFHWKHUHGXQGDQWXVHRI these words with some interesting word referents. &KHFN\RXULQWURGXFWLRQ'R\RXKDYHDVWURQJLEAD? 5HDG\RXUFRQFOXVLRQ$GGDhypothetical anecdote, a question, informative verbs, DQGDGH¾QLWLYHZRUGRUSKUDVH SP31 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Revising Ineffective Introduction Paragraphs Name: Directions: Read the introduction paragraph below. Revise the LEAD using one question. Then, write a clear, concise TOPIC SENTENCE that tells what the entire piece will be about. BEFORE: Vroom! I will tell you all the reasons sport cars are awesome. They are fast, stylish, and comfortable. I love sports cars, don’t you? AFTER: ________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Bonus: Try it again using a different type of lead. AFTER: _______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ SP32 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers Identifying Broad Yet Distinct Main Ideas Name: Directions: Read each prewriting plan below. The main ideas are not distinct enough from one another. Cross out the main idea that overlaps and write a revised story plan in the “after” space. Then, on the lines below, translate your revised plan into 3 main idea sentences that have good sentence variety and that are broad yet distinct from one another. Prewriting Plan Before: Prewriting Plan After: TOPIC: Candy TOPIC: Candy MAIN IDEA #1: Many Kinds of Games MAIN IDEA #1: _________________ MAIN IDEA #2: Chess MAIN IDEA #2: _________________ MAIN IDEA #3: Monopoly MAIN IDEA #3: _________________ MAIN IDEA #4: Checkers MAIN IDEA #4: _________________ Sentence #1 ___________________________________________________________. Sentence #2 ___________________________________________________________. Sentence #3 ___________________________________________________________. Sentence #4 ___________________________________________________________. SP33 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Using Detail Generating Questions Name: Directions: Read the paragraph below. Cross out each weak, overly general adjective. Then revise the paragraph by answering the following detail generating questions: :KDWGRHVWKDWORRNOLNH" &DQ\RXJLYHDVSHFL¾FH[DPSOHRIWKDW" :K\LVWKDWLPSRUWDQW" ,VHDFKGHWDLOLQDVHSDUDWHVHQWHQFH" BEFORE: Having a cold is no fun at all! You feel awful. It really stinks. You’d better have plenty of tissues! You could have a fever. You need to really take care of yourself when you have a cold by taking medicine. You need to take it easy. That’s the only way you’ll feel better. AFTER: ________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ SP34 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers More Powerful Details - “Golden Bricks” Name: Read each paragraph below. Then revise the paragraph by including one of the following “golden bricks” to show the reader what you want to say in a more powerful way. (You don’t need to rewrite the entire paragraph. Just add a caret (^) to show where your “golden brick” will go and write it on the lines below.) 4XRWH 6WDWLVWLF $QHFGRWH $PD]LQJIDFW 'HVFULSWLYH6HJPHQW BEFORE: There are many safety rules for school playgrounds. It is important to use the slide properly. This means going one at a time and only sliding down feet first. Playing tag on the blacktop can be dangerous because if you fall you could hit your head or skin your knee. When playing softball you can’t throw the bat because it could hit someone. AFTER: ADD AN ANECDOTE______________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ SP35 The The Essential Essential Guide Guide to to Grade Grade 44 Writing: Writing: Month Month 61 || ©2012 ©2013 Empowering Empowering Writers Writers Revising a Weak Conclusion Name: Directions: Read the conclusion below. Then revise the paragraph using a series of questions, informative verbs, word referents, and a general restatement of your topic sentence. BEFORE: I like picnics, don’t you? You get to be outside in nature, eat a delicious mean, and play outdoor games. Those are the reasons that picnics are fun. Do you like picnics? AFTER: ________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ BEFORE: Now you know how to get ready for a hurricane. You board up your windows, have batteries and candles on hand, and stay indoors where it’s safe. So now a hurricane won’t get the best of you! THE END AFTER: ________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ SP36 The Essential Guide to Grade 4 Writing: Month 6 1 | ©2013 ©2012 Empowering Writers