38 inside edition An infidelity website has quickly gained a large

38
inside edition
saturday, march 19, 2011
thetelegraph.com.au
Selling
lies is
all too
easy
An infidelity website
has quickly gained
a large following in
Australia, writes
Elaine George
L
Enticing:
A billboard
and ad
for the
Ashley
Madison
website
IFE is short. Have an affair.
This is the caption used to
promote Ashley Madison, a
website exclusively geared
towards married individuals
seeking an affair.
And they guarantee it! An
‘‘affair guarantee program’’
promises an affair within 90
days or your money back.
But beware of the terms
and conditions.
Growing in popularity each
day, the site entices people with
seductive advertisements on
buses, subways and billboards.
Provocative, explicit
television commercials
capture attention with
passionate frolics and the tag
line: ‘‘This couple is married,
but not to each other. Isn’t
it time you joined
ashleymadison.com?’’
Another ad grabs attention
stating: ‘‘When divorce isn’t
an option.’’ Another phrase,
‘‘When monogamy becomes
monotony’’, lures those
willing to be led astray.
Shocking, confronting and
controversial, but it works.
Aggressive marketing
campaigns have generated
phenomenal growth since the
site was launched in the US
in 2001.
Many of us baulk at the idea
of an affair. Nonetheless,
despite being illicit and
dangerous, infidelity is
not illegal.
Some of us fear that our
beloved spouse may be
tempted and despise anything
that advertises, let alone
appears to normalise, an affair.
Amazingly, Ashley Madison
offers a range of
complementary services and
tutorials on how to have an
affair, manage expectations,
schedule dates and how to
avoid discovery.
Alibi services are
recommended and readily
available. Although cynics
may perceive this as a shrewd
means of adding value to
attract even more subscribers,
deception is paramount.
The mind boggles. Some of
us feel sickened at the thought
and stunned at the blatant,
contentious campaigns. How
dare they promote infidelity?
Many are outraged and
disgusted and believe Noel
Biderman, the founder, is a
predator of vulnerable
individuals, yet Biderman
maintains he has not
encouraged adultery.
Rather, Biderman advocates
that many single sites
complained of users
masquerading as being single.
He has encouraged married
people to abandon singles sites
and use this site specifically
dedicated for individuals
wanting sex on the side.
He insists Ashley Madison
likely saves more marriages
than it detonates, even
suggesting it is a ‘‘marriage
preservation tool’’. He
indicates that in countries
where infidelity rates are
higher (Japan and Europe),
their divorce rates are lower
than in the US and Australia.
Currently there are more
than 8 million users in western
countries, with numbers
projected to climb in excess of
30 to 40 million in the next few
years. Australia’s subscribers
are also growing fast.
Like it or not, infidelity is
not new. The internet is just
another vehicle. However, in
the repressed pre-feminist era,
different rules applied and
double standards existed.
Even today a woman may
be perceived as promiscuous if
she is searching for a fulfilling
sexual relationship,
particularly if outside of the
confines of marriage.
Like men, some women also
rebel against marriage and feel
overwhelmed, unappreciated,
unloved and trapped. And
there is an increasing number
of women who are perplexed at
their husband’s declining
libido, despite the myth that
men always want sex.
Interestingly, since
launching in April 2010,
Australia has the highest
proportion of female
subscribers, comprising
approximately 40 per cent.
It would seem a number of
Australian wives are sexually
frustrated — and not all fall
into the desperate housewife
category. Career women are
just as likely to seek sex on the
side as their male counterparts.
Women have become
increasingly liberated and
demanding, leaving many men
confused. To some it is
disconcerting that some
women just want sex.
A male client complained
that after several clandestine
lunch-time trysts with various
married women, he felt empty
and used. He protested that
the women seemed to be
hollow and not interested in
any emotional connection.
Indeed, this underlines the
fact that a great sex life
requires physical and
emotional intimacy, although
there are always exceptions.
Some people find deep
emotional intimacy hinders
exciting, exhilarating or
naughty sex. Some men with a
‘‘Madonna-Whore’’ complex
lust for, and have sex with,
beautiful women but fail to
respect them as ‘‘wife’’
material and never marry
these conquests.
Celebrity gossip has
provided two great examples of
men who have cheated on their
wives — Tiger Woods and
Jesse James. Both were married
to the epitome of the beautiful,
wholesome, pure girl next door.
Simone Warne certainly
fulfilled this Australian
counterpart, yet perhaps could
not live up to the ‘‘party girl’’
and ‘‘model’’ image provided
by her ex-husband’s more
recent paramour, Liz Hurley.
Cheaters:
An amazingly high number
Tiger
of individuals fail to meet the
Woods and
emotional and sexual needs of
ex-wife
their spouse. An affair may be
Elin; Jesse
perceived as the solution to
James with
address these unmet needs.
ex-wife
Certainly there is no
Sandra
shortage of websites competing
Bullock
for members. Research into the
Pictures: AP
sites revealed a number of
frustrated individuals who are
married but bored, lonely or
searching for that ‘‘je ne
sais quoi’’.
Research also exposed an
astounding number of men
and women wanting to expand
their sexual repertoire. Some
are seeking sex with all the
bells and whistles, but many
want more kissing, cuddles,
foreplay, oral sex and
experimentation.
We all struggle with the
monotonous nature of a daily
routine, but we have to sustain
intimacy in order to maintain
monogamy. Yes, this is
easier said than done,
but many would argue that
this is the linchpin of a
successful marriage.
An affair may catapult you
out of everyday life but it is
difficult to sustain and
inevitably ends. While some
suggest it saved their marriage,
most would argue that
infidelity is dangerous.
While not immediately
apparent, it provides a crack
that erodes the bonds of trust
and honesty. Even if not
consummated, infidelity
rocks the foundation of a
solid relationship.
Not all affairs lead to
divorce, but very few
withstand the upheaval and
chaos generated.
According to a 2008
Australian study, marriage
makes us happy. Why, then, do
so many of us break our
wedding vows? Why do we
deceive those we love — and
ourselves — in the process?
Perhaps this is why so many
of us find sites like Ashley
Madison abhorrent.