the insider`s guide to cruising

Berth of a new era
The pool deck on the
Seabourn Odyssey.
Opposite, clockwise
from top left: the
Odyssey’s kitchen,
Colonnade dining
room, and spa villa,
and Silversea’s Silver
Shadow moored in
Sydney Harbour.
the insider’s guide to cruising
seabourn photography yianni aspradakis silversea photography george fetting
It’s the mode of travel of the moment but what’s the right liner for you? Cruise
connoisseur Susan Kurosawa shares her ultimate form guide to everything
from ship size and shore excursions to shuffleboard and Spanish lessons.
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Nothing finer than
a luxury liner
Above, clockwise
from top left: an
outside cabin on
Holland America
Line’s Volendam;
Silver Shadow’s pool
deck; the Seabourn
Odyssey. Opposite:
Oceania Cruises’
Regatta and, inset,
snacks in a penthouse
suite on the Crystal
Serenity.
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imagined perils of mal-de-mer, boredom and bad
food, has long suffered an image problem, as seen in
John Murray’s 1897 Handbook of Travel-Talk: “Here is
my ticket; let me see my cabin immediately. Send the
small things down below.” “How is the wind? Is it in our
favour? Is it getting up? Has it gone down?” “Can you
get me a folding seat? The motion of the vessel makes
me unwell. I suffer dreadfully.”
Are cruises merely a kind of expensive convalescence,
a type of luxurious captivity with meals administered at
all hours and uniformed staff on call? All that enforced
togetherness, smorgasbords with ice-carvings of
melting mermaids, knobbly knees competitions and
consorting with passengers decked from Panama hat
to plimsolls in elasticised leisurewear? What to do, cry
the cynics, besides play shuffleboard and stir drinks
with mermaid-shaped swizzle sticks?
But while once roundly recommended only
for the newly wed (sex) and the nearly dead (sleep),
cruising is now the mode of travel du jour. Ships come
with hitherto unimaginable luxuries. Cunard’s Queen
Elizabeth has a West End-style Royal Court Theatre
that includes private boxes with velvet bell pulls to
summon flutes of fizz. Bunks with rickety ladders have
given way to staterooms with private verandahs and
Egyptian cotton bedding.
Gone are the onboard comedians whose routines
included cheesy gags such as “The passengers on the last
cruise were so old we held the captain’s party on the first
night at sea… just in case.” In fact, P&O Cruises reports
that 31 per cent of its passengers are aged 29 or under, 49
per cent are aged 30-59 and just 20 per cent are 60-plus.
The average age is 42, much younger than the perceived
norm. Cruise ships are mobile resorts, with all known
amenities from pillow menus and frozen-yoghurt bars
to feng shui-endorsed day spas and celebrity lecturers.
Think security, value, ease of passage, fine food, selfimprovement classes and shore excursions that serve as
handy reconnaissance visits or bucket-list ticks. Cruising
is fashionable and fun, awash with after-five frolics,
and – in an increasingly time-poor world – a shipboard
sojourn is the last bastion of recuperative relaxation,
a nostalgic repository for lost arts such as cancan revues,
dancing the Virginia reel and folding table napkins into
tulips and bishops’ mitres. Turn up for breakfast in mink
eyelashes and caviar face mask? Sure thing.
I think cruising is cool. I love the sense of playing
truant from reality on a shrill-white ocean liner. I adore
the fact that words such as kilojoule and cholesterol
are suddenly part of some strange tongue only spoken
on land. Cash becomes a foreign concept – “Sign here,
ma’am,” say chaps in white jackets bearing silver trays of
cocktails with names like Bahama Mama. In less than
a day on the ocean waves, I turn into a younger, sillier,
more liberated version of myself. Let me lead a conga
line. Bring on the macarena. Sew sequins on my frocks.
Marvel while I turn squares of origami paper into sacred
cranes, crouching frogs and sea-captain’s caps.
But what’s the right ship for you? Should you go
big or small, long or short, intrepid or leisurely? Pull up
a deckchair and get the lowdown on the high seas here.
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silversea photography george fetting crystal serenity photography john laurie
More than any form of travel, sea voyaging, with its
Holland america line & seabourn photography yianni aspradakis
The time is right
Never has the cruise industry been
so buoyant. The latest available
figures from the International
Cruise Council Australasia reveal
that cruise passenger numbers
surged by a massive 34 per cent in
2011, with a total of about 623,000
Australians holidaying at sea.
It’s official: we are now the
fastest-growing cruise market in
the world. Most cruise lines offer
advance booking discounts, which
are routinely about 30 per cent.
Seabourn, which operates six small
and exclusive ships, often has early
bookings savings of up to 50 per
cent, and an additional 10 per cent
if you combine consecutive cruises.
Many lines have loyalty schemes
in which you can accrue frequent
cruiser points to be used for cabin
upgrades or travel redemptions,
and such schemes may involve
members-only onboard events.
These programs are particularly
appealing when applied to the
bigger cruise companies. Carnival,
for example, owns 10 brands
including Princess Cruises,
Holland America Line, Cunard
and P&O Cruises Australia.
Now, voyagers
A circumnavigation requires time
and investment and tends to
attract retirees. Cunard’s Queen
Elizabeth Southampton-return
world cruise, for example, will take
91 days this year, calling at ports as
varied as Puntarenas in Costa Rica
and Tauranga in New Zealand.
Sceptical travellers can test
the waters with three-day foodand wine-themed cruises aboard
P&O’s Sydney-based Pacific Jewel,
which has a Salt Grill restaurant by
Luke Mangan. Royal Caribbean
International recently entered
Australian waters with a bang,
positioning its superliner Voyager
of the Seas out of Sydney for its
2013 summer season, and selling
back-to-back Pacific cruises
on Radiance of the Seas and
Rhapsody of the Seas.
If it’s all about life aboard
the ship rather than the itinerary,
choose the Pacific where ports
are more scattered than, say, the
Mediterranean or the Caribbean,
or board Cunard’s Queen Mary 2
for a seven-day transatlantic hop
from Southampton to New York
or vice-versa. You can take
encouragingly large steamer
trunks or even one’s pampered
pooch or puss, which will be
housed in style in the onboard
kennels and receive treats
at turn-down.
Size does matter
So-called megaliners are more
like floating cities at sea, replete
with shopping centres, faux
British pubs, ice-skating rinks and
planetariums. You’ll need to carry
a copy of the deck plan or else
rely on a trail of cake crumbs to
find your way back to your cabin.
Many look like glassy
high-rises; the largest, at a gross
tonnage of 225,282, is Royal
Caribbean International’s
2706-cabin Allure of the Seas,
which even has surf simulators,
rock-climbing walls, a full-sized
basketball court and mini golf
course. Allure has 2384 staff
members – more than the
passenger capacity on most ships.
It is a smidge larger than sister
ship Oasis of the Seas. But stay
tuned, Royal Caribbean has two
ships on order under the name
“Project Sunshine”, slated for
northern-hemisphere autumn 2014
and spring 2015 respectively, each
with capacity for 4100 passengers.
The volume and variety of
larger ships means that fares are
kept reasonably low, and if you
are truly worried about being
bored onboard, then bigger will
be better.
rounded the Bay of Biscay by
bringing up her junior sailor’s tea
all over the captain, a debonair
chap with a David Niven-esque
pencil moustache who had
paused to chat with her mother
in the Crow’s Nest lounge. This
is the kind of child one should
try to avoid, possibly even if it
is your own.
But with small kids in tow,
you’ll want a ship that caters
adequately to their needs. The
four Disney Cruise Line ships,
which ply northern hemisphere
regions, are obvious choices,
while Allure of the Seas features
complimentary DreamWorks
experiences in which kids can
attend parades and meet-andgreets with favourite characters
from Shrek, Madagascar and
Kung Fu Panda.
Throw away the tab
All-inclusive ships mean just what
it says on the label: everything
is covered, save for a few extras
(things such as laundry, satellite
phone calls, internet access,
spa treatments and, occasionally,
a per-head surcharge to dine
at specialty restaurants onboard).
The big advantages are offers
such as complimentary
sommelier-selected wines with
meals, replenished in-suite
minibars, no tabs for bar drinks,
and the inclusion of most shore
excursions, (Typically, specialised>
Do not disturb
Child-free ships include P&O’s
Oriana, Adonia and Arcadia.
Lines such as Silversea welcome
children older than six months
but its ships have no particular
provisions for juniors.
The last frontiers
Expeditionary ships, which usually
appeal to younger travellers, carry
inflatable Zodiac boats to skim
passengers into remote bays, up
rivers or onto polar ice. Itineraries
reflect a sense of derring-do,
covering less-visited regions such
as Antarctica, the Galapagos, the
Chilean fjords, Papua New
Guinea, Iceland and the coast of
Africa. Operators in this league
include Silversea, Orion
Expedition Cruises, Peregrine,
Abercrombie & Kent, World
Expeditions and Star Clippers,
which runs a tall-ship fleet. Aurora
Expeditions offers optional
sea-kayaking excursions from
its vessels in climes such as the
Russian coastline and the Arctic.
Junior sailors
This writer became a maiden
voyager at age three aboard
the first P&O Arcadia and
distinguished herself as the ship
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tours such as helicopter jaunts
may be extra.)
Crystal Cruises has allinclusive sailings on its Crystal
Symphony and Crystal Serenity,
covering fine wines and premium
spirits, open bar service in all
lounges, and pre-paid gratuities.
Regent Seven Seas Cruises’
Seven Seas Voyager, Seven
Seas Mariner and the smaller
Seven Seas Navigator are
also all-inclusive, with suite
accommodation, open seating
(dine when and with whom
you please), unlimited shore
excursions, tips and indulgent
Canyon Ranch spas. Seabourn
and Silversea are all-inclusive lines;
the 450-passenger Seabourn
Quest, launched in June 2011, is
all-suite and features a watersports
platform off its stern, a spa menu
that includes such stress-melters
as a Thai herbal poultice massage,
a no-tipping policy, and fine
wines and spirits.
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What’s in a name?
Cabin, suite or stateroom?
Cruise language is often fanciful
and, while the word “stateroom”
may imply lavish space, it’s widely
used even for standard cabins.
Consult the internet to look at
deck plans and styles and size of
accommodation. Websites such as
seabourn.com or royalcaribbean.
com.au give virtual tours of all
the categories so you can assess
access to staircases and elevators,
key public areas, even whether
a view could be obscured by
lifeboats or on-deck structures.
as Charlie Trotter; and Nobu
Matsuhisa, Todd English and
Marco Pierre White are other
high-profile chefs with cruise
connections. Qsine restaurants
aboard Celebrity Cruises’ Infinity
and Eclipse were among the first
to offer menus and wine lists
on iPads. Silversea regularly
features Relais & Châteaux
cooking schools on its voyages,
including “market-to-plate”
classes conducted both onboard
and shore-side.
Many ships have optional
wellness menus with kilojoules
and salt and fat content marked,
although who could resist
a parade of bombe Alaska
held aloft by tuxedo-togged
waiters? It would be rude to
refuse. Decent coffee, however,
is a challenge; friends of mine
travel with a two-cup plunger
and their favourite blend and
brew it in their cabin. The best
espresso I’ve had afloat has been
All onboard
On the Crystal Serenity,
activities range from
designer shopping (below)
to paddle tennis (inset).
Opposite, clockwise from
top left: Royal Caribbean
International’s Voyager
of the Seas; hitting the
decks with Silversea;
a bar on Crystal Serenity;
the watersports platform
on the Seabourn Quest;
one of Crystal Serenity’s
penthouse suites.
a younger, sillier, more liberated version of myself. Bring on the macarena.
crystal serenity photography john laurie
In less than a day on the ocean waves, I turn into
feature the equivalent of an
executive floor afloat. This
sanctuary, dubbed the MSC Yacht
Club, features suites, an exclusive
pool and private restaurant. To be
launched in March by MSC Cruises’
legendary “godmother”, Sophia
Loren, is the 4345-passenger
Preziosa, which will also be
equipped with Yacht Club suites.
Nice and breezy
The cruise industry insists on the
expression “outside cabin”, which
rather sounds as though you will
be sleeping on deck. The term is
actually just to differentiate a cabin
with portholes or windows from an
“inside cabin”, which can look and
feel like a crypt. While in such
a windowless chamber aboard
P&O’s Pacific Princess years
ago, my husband and I found
it possible to sleep for 12-hour
stretches; when Marino, the
steward, opened the door even
a crack, a shaft of light would stab
us awake and guiltily we’d ask him
if we’d missed breakfast (again)
or, quite possibly, a port of call.
There’s much to be said for
applying the real-estate maxim
of “worst house on the best street”
and booking a cheaper inside
category on a grand ship. Think
of it as a hotel room – just
somewhere to sleep. Certainly the
value is attractive; an inside cabin
on the QM2, for example, is about
a third the cost of an outside suite.
Public areas are open to all and
well gone are the days when
first-class passengers had their
own staircases and lounge areas
so they didn’t need to clap eyes
on the poor sods in steerage.
Italy-based MSC Cruises’
Divina, Splendida and Fantasia
Brine and dine
Give thanks to Saint Gusset,
the patron protector of cruisers.
With roomy trousers in place, say
goodbye to steaks as tough as
slipper soles and recycled buffet
ballast. Food is now a featured
attraction on many liners and the
biggest development in the past
decade has been the introduction
of “freestyle dining”. No longer
are passengers trapped in a dining
room for the evening meal but
there’s a choice of cafés and
specialised restaurants.
On bigger free-for-all ships,
however, you may see pleading
little signs on the breakfast
spread notifying that the butter
carvings and the wax effigies
of bread are not edible (look
for telltale teeth marks). The
midnight buffet? Yes, it still exists,
and there’s always a passenger or
two who’ll enquire what time it’s
served and the occasional hog
who simply pulls up a chair.
Haute cuisine has arrived on
the high seas with celebrity-chefbranded restaurants, cooking
classes, mixology demonstrations
and food-themed cruises. New
York legend Jacques Pépin is
Oceania Cruises’ executive
culinary director; Holland America
Line has a “Culinary Council”
that includes big names such
on Holland America Line’s
Volendam in the Explorations
Café, which includes an extensive
library and computer stations.>
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On one cruise aboard Oriana,
the smocking and patchwork
instructor was named Mavis
and she attracted quite a few
gentlemen to her classes. They
happily wore T-shirts handappliquéd with the words
“I made it with Mavis”.
I have taken Spanish lessons
(day one’s terms were all to do
with demanding food and drinks
of various stripes) and vegetablecarving classes (I rather fancy my
carrot phoenixes are unrivalled).
I have learned to whirl the Pride
of Erin in QM2’s chandeliered
Queens Room, replete with a live
band and gentlemen hosts with
lapel badges announcing
Smooth Sam and Dapper Dan,
side-stepping serial cruisers with
names like Foxtrot Fanny and
Kissin’ Kate and Martini Martha.
Spa, spa better thing
Botox, detox, fearful bamboo-rod
massages, internal irrigation
workshops and treatments with
names as intriguing as “organic
seaweed peat wrap” – all these,
and more, are available. There’s
teeth-whitening, body-sculpting
boot camps, facials using caviar
and gold leaf, saunas, steam
rooms, hydro pools and hammams.
Cosmetic surgery at sea?
Well, not yet, but why not, as
long as the water is millpondcalm and the surgeon’s hands are
steady? With time on one’s hand,
and a lack of scrutiny, a cruise
ship could be the perfect venue
for a nip or tuck. For now there’s
the medi-spas with their menu of
Botox and Restylane treatments
as on Celebrity Cruises’ Celebrity
Eclipse, or the Ayurvedic
This, for me, is the voyaging dream writ large:
all that commendable fresh air, the feeling of time stood still.
Sea and tell
Most cruise companies use
terms such as “enhancement”
to describe lectures and classes
in everything from chess and
bridge to how to choose the
right stemware and plateware
(that would be glasses and
cutlery to the rest of us) for
home entertaining.
Book a passage
While tablets and e-books may
be all the rage, there’s something
eminently satisfying about curling
up in a deckchair with a real book
in hand, pages ruffled by the salty
breeze. This, for me, is the
voyaging dream writ large: all that
commendable fresh air, the feeling
of time stood still, Miss Marple
or Hercule Poirot off on their
corpse-botherings while I idly
wonder if it’ll be the black taffeta
or slinky red silk for dinner at eight.
The best library at sea is
aboard QM2 – it’s a two-storey
collection with about 8000 titles
and also features sink-into
lounge chairs overlooking the
bow so you can dip into the
likes of The Secret Adversary
by Agatha Christie (which starts
on the ill-fated Lusitania) as the
ocean stretches out before you.
treatments on Oceania Cruises’
Marina. Holland America Line’s
Nieuw Amsterdam offers
room-service spa breakfasts
and in-suite treatments.
Seabourn Quest and
Seabourn Odyssey have spa villas
for couples with daybeds and
tubs, while Celebrity Silhouette
boasts The Alcoves, eight private
top-deck cabanas perfect for
post-spa treatment lolls when
you (or I) can snore like a drunken
sailor. (Note that spa treatments
are cheaper on port days when
most passengers go ashore, and
hair salons are booked solid for
formal nights. Yes, the beehive
and the comb-up are alive
and lacquered.)
Postscript
Pack a sense of humour along
with the gladrags. Accept that
sleeping in daylight hours is
positively encouraged. Avoid the
weird art auctions unless, as my
husband says, you are decorating
a Las Vegas motel. And the old
jokes about the passenger who
asked the captain if the crew
sleep onboard and if the ship
makes its own electricity, madly,
are true. Bon voyage.
*
Susan Kurosawa is the editor of
the Travel & Indulgence section
of The Weekend Australian.
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crystal serenity photography john laurie
crêpe paper and coathangers
doesn’t bear mentioning.
On our Arcadia crossing from
Southampton to Sydney, she
dressed me, on one memorable
evening, as a windbag, covering
me with blown-up bits of brown
paper tied with string and affixed
by nappy pins she’d pinched
from the crèche. I hovered lightly,
like a small dirigible, but took
out the blue ribbon in the
under-fives.
seabourn spa photography yianni aspradakis
Plaid or staid
Cruise line websites include
details of onboard dress codes
and most suggest that on cruises
of three to seven nights there will
be one or two formal occasions,
for which after-five frocks and
lounge suits are required. There’s
a trend to refer to such dressy
events as “cocktail” nights,
deferring to a more casual
atmosphere onboard. If you
prefer to hire a tux, Queen
Elizabeth has a Moss Bros facility,
but beware of matching pastel
bow ties and cummerbunds.
Shops onboard often sell
items to jazz up outfits – masks
and feathered falderals for
Venetian balls, for example – and
there may be a fancy-dress night.
My mother was a huge fan of
costumes and what that woman
couldn’t do with toilet rolls,
Water views
Holland America Line’s
Westerdam in Venice.
Opposite: Seabourn
Odyssey’s spa pool
(top) and spa terrace
(bottom) and Crystal
Serenity’s pool (inset).
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