The Do You Like JOKES ?

The
A FREE Monthly Paper
APR. 06
Spotlight
™
60,000+ Readers in North County
Laughs • Puzzles
• Solutions • Inspiration
HUMOR HELPS YOU COPE WITH LIFE !
* 760-231-9074 * - ** www.4-my.net **
Do You Like JOKES ?
SUDOKU
Solution p. 6
ROCK-A-BYE BABIES, - - MAMA WANTS TO SLEEP
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The Spotlight, N. C.’ s Great Little Paper! – Page Published by: Walter & Carole Gobitas, 2420 Vista Way Suite 112,
Oceanside, CA 92054 Copyright 1999 - 2004 All Rights Reserved
The
™
Spotlight
North County’s Collectible Paper
Save the cute pictures & jokes!
Owner / Editor
Walter & Carole Gobitas
Ph #: 231-9074
Fax: 754-8150
Spotlight Online: www.4-my.net
E-mail: [email protected]
Spotlight on:
Thank You Contributors! For making the Spotlight
North Counties’ Great Little Paper!
Plunkett 2
Kid Wisdom / Grandpa’s Wisdom 3
Passion 4 life
4
Mobility
5
Mulva
6
Turner Financial Group
8
Dr. Jebreil / Senior Breeze 9
Professor Smugly 10
Fred / Poet’s Pen 11
Brainy
12
Pets 13
Do You Read Junk Mail?
14
Hearing Health
16
Smile! It will improve your appearance.
Laugh! It is Internal Exercise.
Make someone else smile & laugh
And you will both be happy.
All Area Codes are 760 if not shown
Consumers Be Aware
• CA state law requires anyone who contracts to do construction or
work of improvement be licensed by the Contractors’ State License
Board in the license category in which the contractor is going to be
working. If the total price of job is $500 or more (including labor &
materials, please verify the person is licensed! (Contractor’s State
License Board: 1-800-321-2752 or www.cslb.ca.gov)
• For health solutions, consult your physician. Health ads and articles
are for informational purposes only.
• For financial solutions, consult your trusted financial advisor.
Financial ads and articles are for informational purposes only.
Gobitas, and The Spotlight reserve the right to not accept an ad. We
accept no responsibility for errors in copy or in advertisements beyond
the cost of the actual space occupied by the error, or for the comments
or claims of our advertisers. All disputes to be settled in Small Claims
Court in Vista, CA.
Plunkett
Did Ya Hear This?
A guy is swerving down the
road and gets pulled over. The
cop says, “You have to take
a Breathalyzer test.” The guy
says, “I can’t. I have asthma,
and it’ll start me on a coughing
fit.” The cop says, “Then I have to give you
a blood test.” The guy says, “You can’t. I’m
a hemophiliac, and if you prick me, I’ll bleed
all over the place.” The cops says, “Then you
have to get out of the car and walk a straight
line.” The guy says, “I can’t.” The cop says,
“Why not?” The guy says, “Because I’m drunk
you idiot... didn’t you see the way I was driving!”
A gynecologist had become fed up with
malpractice insurance and was on the verge of
being burned out. Hoping to try another career
where skillful hands would be beneficial, he
decided to change careers and become a
mechanic. He found out from the local technical
college what was involved, signed up for
evening classes, attended diligently, and learned
all he could. When the time for the practical
exam approached, the gynecologist prepared
carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with
tremendous skill. When the results came back,
he was surprised to find that he had obtained
a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called
the instructor, saying “I don’t want to appear
ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but
I wondered if there had been an error which
needed adjusting.” The instructor said, “During
the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly,
which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put
the engine back together again perfectly, which
is also worth 50% of the mark.” The instructor
went on to say, “I gave you an extra 50% because
you did all of it through the muffler.”
His cheek Was rough, His chick vamoosed And
now,
she won’t Come home to roost
Burma-Shave
The whale Put Jonah Down the hatch, But
coughed him up Because he scratched.
Burma-Shave
The Spotlight, N. C.’ s Great Little Paper! – Page Kid Wisdom
Everyone was seated around the
table as the food was being served. When little
Logan received his plate, he started eating right
away. “Logan, wait until we say our prayer,”
his mother reminded him. “I don’t have to,” the
little boy replied. “Of course you do,” his mother
insisted, “we say a prayer before eating at our
house.” “That’s at our house,” Logan explained,
“but this is Grandma’s house and she knows
how to cook.
A
grandmother was
surprised by her 7 year old
grandson one morning. He had
made her coffee. She drank what was
the worst cup of coffee in her life. When
she got to the bottom, there were three of
those little green Army toy men in the cup.
She said , “Honey, what are these army men
doing in my coffee?” Her grandson said,
“Grandma, it says on TV, “The best
part of waking up is soldiers in
your cup!
Many Old timers remember these “BURMA
SHAVE” signs along the hiways. We kids were
constantly of the look out for them. They made the
trip easier for us and our parents. BURMA SHAVE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whales are mammals.
Mammals have hair.
SHAVE THE WHALES!
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano
down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor!
Q: What do you get when a duck and a cow
cross the road?
A: Milk and Quackers.
Q: What nationality are you if you’re going to
the bathroom?
A: European
Q: And what nationality are you if someone’s
knocking on the
door while you’re going?
A: You’re a Russian.
The Spotlight, N. C.’s Great Little Paper! page 3
Grandpa’s Wisdom
There is an old saying,
“Experience is the best teacher.”
But not so. Far better to learn
without the costly and painful
process of experience, which one may undergo
without learning anything, as can be seen all
about us.
PONDERISMS:
* Experience is the hardest kind of teacher. It
gives you the test first and the lesson afterward.
* Past experience should be a guide post, not a
hitching post.
* An optimist is a guy without much experience.
* Some people speak from experience; others,
from experience, don’t speak.
* There is only one thing more painful than
learning from experience, and that is not
learning from experience.
* There’s nothing like a little experience to upset
a theory.
* One thing about the school of experience is
that it will repeat the lesson if you flunk the first
time.
* Some people learn from their experiences,
some never recover from them.
* The definition of experience is knowledge
acquired too late.
* If Experience Is Such A Good Teacher Why Do
I keep Repeating The Course?
* Experience is a costly teacher, but fools will
learn from no other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Experience is:
* What you get when you are looking for
something else.
* What you have left after everything else is
gone.
* Something you don’t get until just after you
need it.
* The name everyone gives to their mistakes.
* Knowledge acquired too late.
* Knowing a lot of things you shouldn’t do.
* The one thing you have plenty of when you’re
too old to get the job.
* A good school...but it’s not very strong on
vacations.
$200 Referral Fee at close of Escrow
* Is something you don’t get until just after you
need it.
[ continued pg 15 ]
The Spotlight, N. C.’s Great Little Paper! page 4
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• CHINA
Words From Famous Women ... “I’m not offended by all the dumb
blonde jokes because I know I’m not
dumb...and I also know that I’m not
blonde.” – Dolly Parton “I figure that if the children are alive
when I get home, I’ve done my job.” - Roseanne “My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or
have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our
carpet or ruin our lives.” - Rita Rudner “He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he
was pregnant” -Carol Leifer “I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a
free dog.” -Wendy Liebman “I’m not going to vacuum ‘til Sears makes one you
can ride on.” - Roseanne “I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My
mother told me it’s because it’s cold in there. And
I’m like: How did my mother know THAT?” - Wendy
Liebman “I think-therefore I’m single” - Lizz Winstead “Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is
stand still and look stupid.” - Hedy Lamarr “When women are depressed they either eat or go
shopping. Men invade another country.” - Elayne
Boosler. “I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t
itch.” – Gilda Radner “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.”- Maryon Pearson.
(continued page 11)
LINENS
Some Women Say:
MULVA
To kiss A mug That’s like a cactus,
Takes more nerve, Than it does practice.
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[ Grandpa’s Wisdom - Contunied from page 3 ]
QUOTES:
* “Human beings, who are almost unique in
having he ability to learn from the experience of
others, are also remarkable for their apparent
disinclination to do so.” (Douglas Adams)
* “The cat, having sat on a hot stove lid, will not
sit upon a hot stove lid again. But he won’t sit
upon a cold stove lid, either.” - Mark Twain
* “A man who carries a cat by the tail learns
something he can learn in no other way.” - Mark
Twain.
* “Experience increases our wisdom but doesn’t
reduce our follies”. - Josh Billings.
* “Experience is not what happens to a man. It
is what a man does with what happens to him. “
- Aldous Huxley.
* “Experience is the comb that nature gives us
when we are bald.” - Russian proverb.
* “Good judgment comes from experience, and
often experience comes from bad judgment”.
- Rita Brown.
* “Experience is that marvelous thing that
enables you to recognize a mistake when you
make it again.” - Franklin P. Jones.
* “Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will
learn in no other”. - Ben Franklin.
* “We learn from experience that we never learn
from experience.” - George Bernard Shaw.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONSIDER:
* Experience can be a great teacher.
Unfortunately, there is only one way to get it,
and that is to fall a few times until you learn.
Like the employer who told her new employee,
“I hired you to make right decisions.” “And
how do I do that?” he asked. “Experience!”
she answered. “How do I get experience?” he
asked. “With wrong decisions.”
* Do we have to experience bad to appreciate
good? Do you appreciate a plate of food more
if you eat it watching news clips of famine? Do
you say, “I sure am looking forward to having
the flu this winter. Because I will feel so good
when I get over it.”
N
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WORD SEARCH
Apple
Apricot
Ash
Beech
Birch
Chery
Chestnut
Cottonwood
[Solution p. 15]
Maple
Dog Wood
Oak
Elm
Palm
Eucalyptus
Peach
Evergreen
Pine
Fig
Plum
Fir
Quaking Aspen
Hickory
Walnut
Mahogany
Willow
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The Spotlight, N. C.’ s Great Little Paper! – Page Questions?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Does anybody ever vanish without a trace?
How come you press harder on a remote control
when you know the battery is dead?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or
naked?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to
work?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite
of congress?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to
kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
Isn’t it scary that a doctor’s work is called “practice”?
What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of
a bald man?
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“I’m fluent in several languages. I speak schmooze,
spin, evasion, bull & plain ol’ common sense.”
The Spotlight, N. C.’ s Great Little Paper! – Page 10
Fred -
A secretary was leaving the
office one Friday evening
when she encountered Mr.
Jones, the Human Resources
manager, standing in front of a
shredder with a piece of paper
in his hand. Listen,” said Mr. Jones, “this is
important, and my secretary has already left.
Can you make this thing work?” “Certainly,”
said the secretary. She turned the machine on,
inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” said Mr. Jones as his
paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just
need one copy.”
Two employees for the gas company were at a
house call. The younger man said to the older
one, “Man, you’re old!” “Yeah, that may be
so, but I can still outrun you,” replied the older
employee. “How about a foot race to see if
you’re right,” said the younger employee. With
that they start running at full speed around that
block. The older man kept up with the younger
man around the first corner, the second corner,
the third corner. As they come up on the last
corner, the younger man sees an elderly
woman running as fast as her legs could carry
her. Puzzled by this, they both stop ask her why
she was running behind them. The old woman
caught her breath and said, “Well, you were at
my home checking my gas meter, and when I
saw you running away, I figured I’d better run
too!”
Where to Publish Your Paper
If you understand it and can prove it, then send
it to a journal of mathematics.
If you understand it, but can’t prove it, then send
it to a physics journal.
If you can’t understand it, but can prove it, then
send it to an economics journal.
If you can neither understand it nor prove it,
then send it to a psychology journal.
Words from famous Women
(continued)
“Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein
get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a
woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a
male schlemiel.” -Bella Abzug. Poet’s Pen
A smile is quite a funny thing,
it wrinkles up your face
And when it’s gone you never find,
it’s secret hiding place.
But far more wonderful it is
to see what smiles can do.
You smile at one, he smiles at you,
and so one smile makes two.
They smile at someone
since you smiled, good,
And then that one smiles back.
And that one smiles until in truth,
You fail in keeping track.
Now, a big smile you can share,
Thereby cheering hearts that care.
So let us smile and not forget
That smiles go everywhere!
Listen Birds; These Signs Cost Money.
So Sit A Spell, But Don’t Get Funny.
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The Spotlight, N. C.’ s Great Little Paper! – Page 11
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The Spotlight, N. C.’ s Great Little Paper! – Page 12
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Enjoy a More Comfortable Retirement In Your Own Home
Our Reverse Mortgage program enables you to:
• Receive tax-free funds to use however you choose*
• Title stays in your name
• No repayment of your loan for as long as you live there
• Financial flexibility
• No income, asset, employment or credit qualification restrictions**
• Your choice of flexible funds-distribution plans
For more information, call today!
Thomas Velte
Reverse Mortgage Consultant
4279 Corte Verde
Oceanside, CA 92057
(760) 231-9458 Phone
Email: [email protected]
* Consult your tax advisor.
** Reverse Mortgage borrowers are required to obtain an eligibility certificate by receiving free counseling sessions with a HUDapproved agency. Family members are also strongly encouraged to participate in these informative sessions. Must be at least
62 years old. Call for more detailed program information.
Wells Fargo Home Mortgage is a division of Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. © 2006 Wells Fargo Bank, N.A. All Rights Reserved. #34776 3/14/03
The Spotlight, N. C.’ s Great Little Paper! – Page 13
SPOTLIGHT RECIPE
Florentine Mushroom Caps.
Clean and twist stems from 20 large
mushrooms. Blanch caps in boiling salted
water for 2 – 3 min. Drain caps, dome side up.
Sauté in 1 Tbsp olive oil on low heat;
2 Tbsp finely chopped shallots, 1, Tbsp minced
garlic. 1, tbsp chopped fresh Italian parsley.
1, 10 oz package thawed chopped spinach,
pressed dry. 2, Tbsp balsamic vinegar. Cook
for 3 min. Remove from heat. Mix in 1/3 cup
ricotta cheese. Season with salt & pepper.
Stuff mixture into mushroom caps. Top each
with ¼ Tsp grated Parmesan cheese. Bake at
400 degrees for 10 mins. Garnish with parsley
sprigs, serve as an appetizer. YUM YUM!
By Lombardo & Bui.
It was entertainment night at the senior center
and the Amazing Claude was topping the
bill. People came from miles around to see
the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude
went to the front of the meeting room, he
announced, “Unlike most hypnotists who invite
two or three people up here to be put into a
trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every
member of the audience.” The excitement was
almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful
antique pocket watch from his coat. “I want
you each to keep your eye on this antique
watch. It’s a very special watch. It’s been in
my family for six generations.” He began to
swing the watch gently back and forth while
quietly chanting, “Watch the watch, watch the
watch, watch the watch...”The crowd became
mesmerized as the watch swayed back and
forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the
swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from
Claude’s fingers and fell to the floor, breaking
into a hundred pieces.
........... “Crap”...... he exclaimed .......!
It took three days to clean up the
Senior Center!
Is He Lonesome, Or Just Blind,
That Guy Who Drives So Close Behind?
Burma Shave
Do You Read Junk Mail?
Most people just throw it out!
The reason is that there is nothing in it
other than ads, ads and more ads
Nothing of real interest.
That’s why it is called Junk Mail.
You are enjoying The Spotlight.
You picked it up because it contains the kind
of things you like, cute pictures, jokes, quips,
quotes, puzzles & helpful information.
Always tasteful.
If you don’t read junk mail,
why advertise in Junk Mail?
WHY ADVERTISE? - Remember,
“Out of Sight = Out of Mind”
Get Known - Be Seen!
Build Your Reputation in The Spotlight!
Your picture is worth many words because
people can tell a lot about you by the way you
look. You will be recognized by many that have
just seen you before & say, “That’s what you
do!”. Because they see you regularly in the
Spotlight, they know you are still in business.
60,000+ Readers. 350+ locations
Find the Spotlight In: All Senior Centers, &
in Oceanside - Library, PetCo (Mission & Vista Way),
Jolly Roger, Monterey Bay Cannery, Flying Bridge, San
Luis Rey Bakery, Grocery Outlet, Carr’s Car Center, DAV,
Surf Bowl. Carlsbad - KoKo Beach, Neiman’s, Tip-Top
Meats, Most Car Service Waiting Rooms.
Encinitas - PetCo, Jimbo’s. Vista - Court House, Library, PetCo, Entertainment Center, I Love Books, next to
Sprouts. Escondido - Jimbo’s. Also in Dr. & Dentist
offices, Hospitals, Libraries, most Retirement Communities & Mobile Home Parks. Also other Restaurants,
Barber & Beauty shops, Donut & Coffee shops & Thrift
Stores. If they don’t have the Spotlight at your
Drs. Office or where you shop, show them a
copy & ask them to get the Spotlight.
It’s FREE!
Delivered to homes in selected areas.
Joy Shared is Doubled: Do something nice for your
neighbors? Take them a copy, get some exercise & share the
fun of the Spotlight. Get them from our racks. Or Call
231-9074 for 50 or more copies delivered to you.
The Spotlight, N. C.’ s Great Little Paper! – Page 14
A hobo shows up at the front door of a grand
mansion. the owner comes to the door. Hobo
says, “Sir, I am down on my luck and ask if you
could please spare me a meal?” The owner
stared at the hobo for a minute and then broke
out in a lambasting such as the world has
never heard. “You shiftless bum!! I worked all
my life for what I have and you make me sick,
begging for food! How dare you!! You should
be ashamed!” The hobo lowered his head in
shame. After a minute of silence, the owner began to soften toward the unfortunate man, and
said, “Look, if you are willing to do some work
for me, I will pay you and give you a meal.” The
hobo was ecstatic! “Oh, yes sir! I will do whatever you want. Thank you!” So the owner said,
“OK, go around back. You’ll see a porch there,
and a bucket of battleship grey paint and a
brush. Paint the porch, windows included, and
you’ll have a meal.” The hobo wasted no time
and scurried around back. About an hour later, the front bell rang
again. The owner opened the door and saw
a paint splattered hobo with a big grin on his
face. “Now don’t you feel better,” he said.
“Yes!” said the hobo. “I’m a new man!” “OK,” said the owner, “come in and have some
lunch.” The two sat around the kitchen eating
and drinking for about an hour, when the hobo
said he had to leave. He thanked the owner
profusely for getting him back on the straight
and narrow. As the owner showed the hobo to
the front door, the hobo turned and said, “Oh,
by the way, that wasn’t a Porsche out back, it
was a Ferrari.”
The 98 year old Mother Superior from Ireland was
dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying
to make her last journey comfortable. They gave
her some warm milk to drink but she refused. Then
one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received
as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and
poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back
at Mother Superior’s bed, she held the glass to her
lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and
before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass
down to the last drop.“Mother,” the nuns asked with
earnest, “please give us some wisdom before you
die.” She raised herself up in bed and with a pious
look on her face said, “Don’t sell that cow.”
A man calls his lawyer’s office. When the
receptionist answers the phone he
asks to speak to Mr. Taylor, his lawyer.
The receptionist replies, “I’m sorry, but Mr.
Taylor died last week.” The man says nothing
and hangs up the phone. The next day he
calls the office and again asks for Mr. Taylor.
The receptionist says, “Sir, I told you yesterday
that Mr. Taylor has died.” The man again
says nothing and hangs up the phone.
The next day he calls the office again and asks for
his lawyer. The receptionist gets angry and says
“Sir, I have told you for two days that Mr. Taylor
has passed away. Why do you continueto call?”
The man then answers “I like hearing good news
when I call my lawyer’s office.”
Truisms
Worrying about something that may never
happen is like paying interest on money you
may never borrow. It is easier to stay out of
trouble, than to get out -- Mark Twain.
It is easier to suppress the first desire than
to satisfy all that follows it. -- Ben Franklin
Opportunity may knock only once but
temptation bangs on your door for years.
Forbidden fruits - create many jams.
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Knock, Knock. Who’s there?
Dwayne. Dwayne who?
DWAYNE THE TUB! I’M DWOWNING!
The Spotlight, N. C.’ s Great Little Paper! – Page 15
Do You Know
The fact is that no one knows what they haven’t
heard! They’re not convinced of not hearing well
& no one really wants to wear hearing aids.
Louise Lindberg?
“ I h a v e b e e n u sing hearing aids for
over fifteen years,
and until I discovered Remedy Hearing Aids and Walter
Gobitas, I had never
enjoyed the personal
attention and care
that Walter has provided. He gave of his
time unstintingly and
with unfaltering patience. The hearing
aids he made for me are the best I have
ever owned. I can recommend Walter
to anyone who has hearing problems.”
Louise H. Lindberg - Oceanside
Advice for Friends & Family:
• Don’t Nag - Calmly Discuss. Communication
is important to you & you want both to feel
comfortable.
• Don’t Ignore the Problem. Don’t make an issue
of it every day, but hearing loss doesn’t go away.
• Don’t Compensate. If you talk louder than normal
or put up with loud TV, then you’re helping them
to pretend there isn’t a problem. Yes, sometimes
you have to speak up to be understood. But it is
important to let them know that you’re talking louder
than normal.
HELP IS AVAILABLE!
I am here for Family Counseling and as a Hearing aid Manufacturer I can give you every financial and service advantage.
If you know anyone with a hearing loss, please give this
article to them and encourage them to CALL for a FREE
HEARING TEST and Listening Demonstration to see if
Hearing aids can make a difference in both of your lives.
Call me today
...
754-8151 Walter Gobitas
DIGITAL HEARING AIDS – FACTORY DIRECT
We REPAIR all brands
of hearing aids
FREE Pickup & Delivery
Without hearing aids
Everyone knows
YOU have a
Hearing Problem!
Digital Sound Processing gives the most
natural sound quality.
Who knows more about
hearing aids than
the Manufacturer?
Who can give you the
best service and the
most value?
Hi, my name is Walter Gobitas.
Because I wear hearing aids, I understand your concerns
and frustrations. Please accept my personal invitation
for you and a friend to come and listen through different types of hearing aids in different sound environments. You decide which technology works best for
you. Then, because I am a Manufacturer, I will Custom
Craft my Remedy Hearing Aids with that circuitry to
fit your acoustic and psychological needs.
Audiologists & Dispensers with a problem
call the Manufacturer for help with hearing aids.
You Can Too!
Remedy Hearing Aids - Why Pay Retail?
Walter Gobitas, Manufacturer
(760) 754–8151
By appointment 8 am–5 pm Mon - Sat
2420 Vista Way #112, Oceanside, 92054
www.4HearingAids.com
Need Batteries? 50 cents/ea
The Spotlight, N. C.’ s Great Little Paper! – Page 16