UDDER NONSENSE A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad
Transcription
UDDER NONSENSE A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad
3 All Rights Reserved © 2015 UDDER NONSENSE A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning." PUBLISHED AND DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY BY PASSTIMES OF ARIZONA, LLC - [email protected] - 480.983.9143 DON’T MISTAKE GOD’S PATIENCE FOR HIS ABSENCE WEIRD IS A SIDE EFFECT OF AWESOME BLONDES HAVE THE HIGHEST NUMBER OF HAIR STRANDS THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIVING UP AND KNOWING WHEN YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE THE USA HAS THE LARGEST POPULATION OF REDHEADS YOU WILL NEVER INFLUENCE THE WORLD BY TRYING TO BE LIKE IT ICE CREAM IS CHEAPER THAN THERAPY Q: I have a Roseville set of bookends in the gardenia pattern. Do you have any idea of its value? -- Betty, Merrill, Wisc. A: I found your bookends referenced in "Warman's Roseville Pottery: Identification & Price Guide" by Mark F. Moran and published by Krause Books. There are at least six Roseville price guides, but this one is my favorite, and I feel it accurately reflects current values. Moran believes your bookends in green are worth about $140 for the pair. Q: My dad collected autographed first editions, and I have inherited his collection. Among them are signed copies of Harper Lee's "To Kill a Mockingbird," Truman Capote's "In Cold Blood" and Gail Sheehy's "Passages." Where can I market my books? -- Carole, Buffalo, N.Y. A: One of the better rare-book dealers is Bauman's, 535 Madison Ave., New York, NY 10022; 212-751-0011; www.baumansrarebooks.com. Incidentally, Gail Sheehy has just published her memoir, "Daring My Passages" (William Morrow Books, $29.99). "Passages" created quite a stir when it was first published in 1976. In fact, the Library of Congress has named it as one of the 10 most influential books of our time. ALWAYS GIVE 100%...UNLESS YOU’RE DONATING BLOOD LIFE IS LIKE A DONUT. YOU'RE EITHER IN THE DOUGH OR IN THE HOLE LOVE IS THE WEAPON OF THE FUTURE Q: I have been watching the series about the Roosevelt family on PBS. I found some FDR campaign buttons in my granny's sewing box. I would like to know how much they are worth. - Bill, Spokane, Washington A: One of the better references is "Warman's Political Collectibles: Identification & Price Guide" by Dr. Enoch L. Nappen and published by Krause Books. It features dozens of FDR buttons in full-color. Dr. Nappen is a political science professor at New Jersey's Monmouth University and a member of the American Political Items Collectors (APIC). Q: I have three early American paintings that I believe to be quite valuable. Can you recommend an expert who can help me determine values? -- Stan, Hartford, Conn. A: Jeffrey W. Cooley specializes in American painting and might be able to help you. His contact information is The Cooley Gallery, Inc., 25 Lyme St., Old Lyme, CT 06371; www.cooleygallery.com. A second source is James B. Bakker Antiques, Inc., 248 Bradford St., Provincetown, MA 02657; www.bakkerart.com. Write to Larry Cox in care of KFWS, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mail to [email protected]. Due to the large volume of mail he receives, Mr. Cox cannot personally answer all reader questions, nor do appraisals. Do not send any materials requiring return mail. (c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc. THOSE WHO WALK WITH GOD ALWAYS REACH THEIR DESTINATION MY PSYCHIC GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME BEFORE WE MET WHEN I SAY “I’M OKAY,” WHAT I REALLY WANT IS FOR SOMEONE TO HOLD MY HAND AND SAY “YOU’RE NOT OK, HERE IS $1000” THERE IS FLATTERY IN FRIENDSHIP ¥ On Jan. 13, 1128, Pope Honorius II grants a papal sanction to the military order known as the Knights Templar, declaring it to be an army of God. The self-imposed mission of the Knights Templar was to protect Christian pilgrims on their way to the Holy Land. ¥ On Jan. 14, 1860, the U.S. House of Representatives' Committee of Thirty-Three submits a proposed constitutional amendment protecting slavery in all areas where it already existed. The proposed measure was not enough to stem the tide of seceding states. ¥ On Jan. 15, 1870, the first recorded use of a donkey to represent the Democratic Party appears in Harper's Weekly, drawn by political illustrator Thomas Nast. Four years later, Nast originated the use of an elephant to symbolize the Republican Party in a Harper's Weekly cartoon. I TRIED KILLING A SPIDER WITH GLITTER BODY SPRAY. IT DIDN’T WORK. NOW IT WON’T STOP STRIPPING AND I HAVE TO CALL IT ‘CINNAMON’ ¥ On Jan. 18, 1882, A.A. Milne, creator of Winnie-the-Pooh, is born. Years later when his son, Christopher Robin, was born, Milne used the boy's stuffed animals as inspiration for the stories "Winnie-the-Pooh" and "The House at Pooh Corner." ¥ On Jan. 12, 1932, Ophelia Wyatt Caraway, a Democrat from Arkansas, becomes the first woman to be elected to the U.S. Senate. Caraway had been appointed to the Senate two months earlier to fill the vacancy left by her late husband, Thaddeus Horatio Caraway. ¥ On Jan. 17, 1984, U.S. Supreme Court decides Universal v. Sony, the court battle over the legality of the video cassette recorder (VCR) and its allegedly detrimental effect on the motion-picture industry. The U.S. District Court ruled in favor of Sony, stating that taping material for private entertainment purposes was fair use. ¥ On Jan. 16, 1991, the United Nations deadline for the Iraqi withdrawal from Kuwait expires, and the Pentagon prepares to commence offensive operations to forcibly eject Iraq from its five-month occupation of its oilrich neighbor. Operation Desert Storm was conducted by an international coalition under the command of U.S. General Norman Schwarzkopf and featured forces from 32 nations. (c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc. Worship 9:30am Children’s church: 10:20 Fellowship: 11am Women’s Outreach Thurs: 9am 520.723.5141 WE FIX OUR EYES NOT ON WHAT IS SEEN, BUT ON WHAT IS UNSEEN. FOR WHAT IS SEEN IS TEMPORARY, BUT WHAT IS UNSEEN IS ETERNAL GOD IS WITH YOU - NO MATTER WHAT LIFE BRINGS - JOSHUA 1:9 YOU WORRY TO MUCH! I’VE GOT THIS, REMEMBER? GOD GOD IS SELDOM EARLY BUT NEVER LATE 1. Is the book of Benaiah in the Old or New Testament or neither? 2. 2 Corinthians 5:17 and Galatians 2:20 are among the Bible's verses to focus on "what" in a new year? Blessings, Moving forward, Grace, Church attendance 3. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego went unscathed after being put into whose fiery furnace? Satan's, Nebuchadnezzar's, Haman's, Laban's 4. Which book ends, "Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen"? 1 John, Jude, Mark, Amos 5. What "people of" had a fly god named Baal-zebub? Ethiopia, Pergamos, Ekron, Gibeah 6. From Psalms 60:8, who is my washpot? Balaam, Moab, Aaron, Micah ANSWERS: 1) Neither 2) Moving forward 3) Nebuchadnezzar's 4) 1 John 5) Ekron 6) Moab Wilson Casey's 2015 Daily Box Calendars make excellent holiday gifts. Order Bible Trivia Challenge, Golf Trivia or True Crime at Amazon.com. (c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc. LIFE HAS NO REMOTE CONTROL. GET UP AND CHANGE IT YOURSELF DON'T WORRY ABOUT EVIL PEOPLE WHO PROSPER OR FRET ABOUT THEIR WICKED SCHEMES - Psalm 37:7 FEAR IS STUPID, BUT THEN SO ARE REGRETS OFTEN FAILURE WILL BE MORE VALUABLE THAN SUCCESS I REALLY NEED A DAY BETWEEN SATURDAY AND SUNDAY THE FIRST FORTY YEARS OF CHILDHOOD ARE THE HARDEST BEING CHALLENGED IN LIFE IS INEVITABLE - BEING DEFEATED IS OPTIONAL SOMETIMES GETTING UNFRIENDED ON FACEBOOK IS MAGICAL...IT’S LIKE THE TRASH TOOK ITSELF OUT THE ATTITUDE WITHIN IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE CIRCUMSTANCES WITHOUT YOU DON’T INHERIT BALDNESS FROM YOUR MOTHER ¥ It was American author Gail Kathleen Godwin who made the following sage observation: "Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater." ¥ Elizabeth Montgomery, best known for playing the witch Samantha in the TV sitcom "Bewitched," in 1975 played the title role in the TV movie "The Legend of Lizzie Borden." This would not be remarkable, except that a genealogist later showed that Montgomery and the notorious axe-murderer were actually sixth cousins once removed. ¥ Those who study such things say that if you grew up in the era before color TV, you're more likely to dream in black and white. ¥ In April 2014, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission moved to forbid the sale of stuffed baby alligators in "an unnatural body or body part positioning" -including upright human poses. ¥ You might be surprised to learn that during the Revolutionary War, only one out of every six able-bodied men in the American colonies actually took up arms. ¥ John Pemberton, the inventor of Coca-Cola, came up with the recipe by boiling coca leaves, kola nuts and a variety of herbs in a pot in his backyard. It was originally sold in his drugstore as a "nerve medicine." ¥ It's well-known that camels are able to go long periods of time without access to water, but biologists say that giraffes are able to survive even longer than camels when deprived of moisture. ¥ In the 18th century, so-called anatomical demonstrations became very popular. At the time, museums, colleges, private homes and even bars hosted public dissections of human corpses. Competition to obtain the sometimes-costly tickets to these events was fierce, and the crowds attending often were raucous. Thought for the Day: "I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known." -- Walt Disney (c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.
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