UDDER NONSENSE A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad

Transcription

UDDER NONSENSE A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad
3
All Rights Reserved © 2015
UDDER NONSENSE
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit
filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was
missing from the section through
which the railroad passed. The
rancher only wanted to be paid
the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be
tried before the justice of the
peace in the back room of the
general store. The attorney for the
railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get
him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job,
and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was
asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check,
the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this,
old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have
won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was
in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that
morning. I didn't have one witness to put
on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well,
I'll tell you, young feller, I was a
little worried about winning that
case myself, because that durned
bull came home this morning."
PUBLISHED AND DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY BY PASSTIMES OF ARIZONA, LLC - [email protected] - 480.983.9143
DON’T MISTAKE GOD’S PATIENCE FOR HIS ABSENCE
WEIRD IS A SIDE EFFECT OF AWESOME
BLONDES HAVE THE HIGHEST NUMBER OF HAIR STRANDS
THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIVING UP AND KNOWING WHEN YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH
HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE
THE USA HAS THE LARGEST POPULATION OF REDHEADS
YOU WILL NEVER INFLUENCE THE WORLD BY TRYING TO BE LIKE IT
ICE CREAM IS CHEAPER THAN THERAPY
Q: I have a Roseville set of bookends in the
gardenia pattern. Do you have any idea of its
value? -- Betty, Merrill, Wisc.
A: I found your bookends referenced in
"Warman's Roseville Pottery: Identification & Price Guide"
by Mark F. Moran and published by Krause Books. There are
at least six Roseville price guides, but this one is my favorite,
and I feel it accurately reflects current values. Moran believes
your bookends in green are worth about $140 for the pair.
Q: My dad collected autographed first editions, and I have
inherited his collection. Among them are signed copies of
Harper Lee's "To Kill a Mockingbird," Truman Capote's "In
Cold Blood" and Gail Sheehy's "Passages." Where can I market my books? -- Carole, Buffalo, N.Y.
A: One of the better rare-book dealers is Bauman's, 535 Madison Ave., New York, NY 10022; 212-751-0011;
www.baumansrarebooks.com. Incidentally, Gail Sheehy has
just published her memoir, "Daring My Passages" (William
Morrow Books, $29.99). "Passages" created quite a stir when
it was first published in 1976. In fact, the Library of Congress
has named it as one of the 10 most influential books of our
time.
ALWAYS GIVE 100%...UNLESS YOU’RE DONATING BLOOD
LIFE IS LIKE A DONUT. YOU'RE EITHER IN THE DOUGH OR IN THE HOLE
LOVE IS THE WEAPON OF THE FUTURE
Q: I have been watching the series about the Roosevelt family
on PBS. I found some FDR campaign buttons in my granny's
sewing box. I would like to know how much they are worth. - Bill, Spokane, Washington
A: One of the better references is "Warman's Political Collectibles: Identification & Price Guide" by Dr. Enoch L. Nappen
and published by Krause Books. It features dozens of FDR
buttons in full-color. Dr. Nappen is a political science professor at New Jersey's Monmouth University and a member of
the American Political Items Collectors (APIC).
Q: I have three early American paintings that I believe to be
quite valuable. Can you recommend an expert who can help
me determine values? -- Stan, Hartford, Conn.
A: Jeffrey W. Cooley specializes in American painting and
might be able to help you. His contact information is The
Cooley Gallery, Inc., 25 Lyme St., Old Lyme, CT 06371;
www.cooleygallery.com. A second source is James B. Bakker
Antiques, Inc., 248 Bradford St., Provincetown, MA 02657;
www.bakkerart.com.
Write to Larry Cox in care of KFWS, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or
send e-mail to [email protected]. Due to the large volume of mail he receives, Mr. Cox cannot personally answer all reader questions, nor do appraisals.
Do not send any materials requiring return mail. (c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.
THOSE WHO WALK WITH GOD ALWAYS REACH THEIR DESTINATION
MY PSYCHIC GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME BEFORE WE MET
WHEN I SAY “I’M OKAY,” WHAT I REALLY WANT IS FOR SOMEONE TO HOLD MY HAND AND SAY “YOU’RE NOT OK, HERE IS $1000”
THERE IS FLATTERY IN FRIENDSHIP
¥ On Jan. 13, 1128, Pope Honorius II grants a papal
sanction to the military order known as the
Knights Templar, declaring it to be an army
of God. The self-imposed mission of the
Knights Templar was to protect Christian
pilgrims on their way to the Holy Land.
¥ On Jan. 14, 1860, the U.S. House of Representatives' Committee of Thirty-Three submits a proposed constitutional
amendment protecting slavery in all areas where it already
existed. The proposed measure was not
enough to stem the tide of seceding
states.
¥ On Jan. 15, 1870, the first recorded
use of a donkey to represent the Democratic Party appears in Harper's Weekly,
drawn by political illustrator Thomas Nast.
Four years later, Nast originated the use of an
elephant to symbolize the Republican Party in
a Harper's Weekly cartoon.
I TRIED KILLING A SPIDER WITH GLITTER BODY SPRAY. IT DIDN’T WORK. NOW IT WON’T STOP STRIPPING AND I HAVE TO CALL IT ‘CINNAMON’
¥ On Jan. 18, 1882, A.A. Milne, creator of
Winnie-the-Pooh, is born. Years later when
his son, Christopher Robin, was born, Milne
used the boy's stuffed animals as inspiration
for the stories "Winnie-the-Pooh" and "The
House at Pooh Corner."
¥ On Jan. 12, 1932, Ophelia Wyatt Caraway, a Democrat
from Arkansas, becomes the first woman to be elected to the
U.S. Senate. Caraway had been appointed to the Senate two
months earlier to fill the vacancy left by her late husband,
Thaddeus Horatio Caraway.
¥ On Jan. 17, 1984, U.S. Supreme Court decides Universal v.
Sony, the court battle over the legality of the video cassette
recorder (VCR) and its allegedly detrimental effect on the
motion-picture industry. The U.S. District Court ruled in favor of Sony, stating that taping material for private entertainment purposes was fair use.
¥ On Jan. 16, 1991, the United Nations deadline for the Iraqi
withdrawal from Kuwait expires, and the Pentagon prepares
to commence offensive operations to forcibly eject
Iraq from its five-month occupation of its oilrich neighbor. Operation Desert Storm was
conducted by an international coalition
under the command of U.S. General Norman Schwarzkopf and
featured forces from 32 nations.
(c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.
Worship 9:30am
Children’s church: 10:20
Fellowship: 11am
Women’s Outreach Thurs: 9am
520.723.5141
WE FIX OUR EYES NOT ON WHAT IS SEEN, BUT ON WHAT IS UNSEEN. FOR WHAT IS SEEN IS TEMPORARY, BUT WHAT IS UNSEEN IS ETERNAL
GOD IS WITH YOU - NO MATTER WHAT LIFE BRINGS - JOSHUA 1:9
YOU WORRY TO MUCH! I’VE GOT THIS, REMEMBER? GOD
GOD IS SELDOM EARLY BUT NEVER LATE
1. Is the book of Benaiah in the Old or New Testament or neither?
2. 2 Corinthians 5:17 and Galatians 2:20 are among the Bible's verses to focus on "what" in a new year? Blessings,
Moving forward, Grace, Church attendance
3. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego went unscathed after
being put into whose fiery furnace? Satan's, Nebuchadnezzar's, Haman's, Laban's
4. Which book ends, "Little children, keep yourselves from
idols. Amen"? 1 John, Jude, Mark, Amos
5. What "people of" had a fly god named Baal-zebub? Ethiopia, Pergamos, Ekron, Gibeah
6. From Psalms 60:8, who is my washpot? Balaam, Moab,
Aaron, Micah
ANSWERS:
1) Neither
2) Moving forward
3) Nebuchadnezzar's
4) 1 John
5) Ekron
6) Moab
Wilson Casey's 2015 Daily Box Calendars make excellent holiday gifts.
Order Bible Trivia Challenge, Golf
Trivia or True Crime at Amazon.com.
(c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.
LIFE HAS NO REMOTE CONTROL. GET UP AND CHANGE IT YOURSELF
DON'T WORRY ABOUT EVIL PEOPLE WHO PROSPER OR FRET ABOUT THEIR WICKED SCHEMES - Psalm 37:7
FEAR IS STUPID, BUT THEN SO ARE REGRETS
OFTEN FAILURE WILL BE MORE VALUABLE THAN SUCCESS
I REALLY NEED A DAY BETWEEN SATURDAY AND SUNDAY
THE FIRST FORTY YEARS OF CHILDHOOD ARE THE HARDEST
BEING CHALLENGED IN LIFE IS INEVITABLE - BEING DEFEATED IS OPTIONAL
SOMETIMES GETTING UNFRIENDED ON FACEBOOK IS MAGICAL...IT’S LIKE THE TRASH TOOK ITSELF OUT
THE ATTITUDE WITHIN IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE CIRCUMSTANCES WITHOUT
YOU DON’T INHERIT BALDNESS FROM YOUR MOTHER
¥ It was American author Gail Kathleen Godwin who made the
following sage observation: "Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater."
¥ Elizabeth Montgomery, best known for playing the witch Samantha in the TV sitcom "Bewitched," in 1975 played the title
role in the TV movie "The Legend of Lizzie Borden." This
would not be remarkable, except that a genealogist
later showed that Montgomery and the notorious
axe-murderer were actually sixth cousins once removed.
¥ Those who study such things say that if you grew
up in the era before color TV, you're more likely to
dream in black and white.
¥ In April 2014, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission moved to forbid the sale of stuffed baby
alligators in "an unnatural body or body part positioning" -including upright human poses.
¥ You might be surprised to learn that during the Revolutionary
War, only one out of every six able-bodied men in the American colonies actually took up arms.
¥ John Pemberton, the inventor of Coca-Cola, came up with the
recipe by boiling coca leaves, kola nuts and a variety of herbs
in a pot in his backyard. It was originally sold in
his drugstore as a "nerve medicine."
¥ It's well-known that camels are able to go
long periods of time without access to water,
but biologists say that giraffes are able to
survive even longer than camels when
deprived of moisture.
¥ In the 18th century, so-called anatomical demonstrations became very popular. At the time, museums, colleges, private
homes and even bars hosted public dissections of human corpses. Competition to obtain the sometimes-costly tickets to these
events was fierce, and the crowds attending often were raucous.
Thought for the Day: "I love Mickey Mouse more than any
woman I have ever known." -- Walt Disney
(c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.

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