Here is our tenth edition - The Panther`s Report

The Panthers Report
TODAY on The Panthers Report, we will have a NO***L (sorry for
cussing) edition!!! Please note, this edition sponsored by Hedgehog’s
friend... Bob’s Rubber Ducky Co.!!!!!1!1!11!!11!
Bobland Robbery ~By Hedgi­corn Walrus (or katie)
Sir Puffyton Llamaworm has been robbed of his waffles(and
legs)on Friday the 13th of May. It was a horrible tragedy. If
you happen to find them, please run away as fast as you ca­
erm, kindly return them to poor Mister Puffyton. He wants
revenge badly on whoever did it, so if it was you, uh, please
just come to Happy Puppy Anger Management co./Jail. Have a
nice day.
The Planet of Bobland
By le teenytinyteacupsized pomeranian (huhh.)
Bobland. The land of Nyan­cats and Ligers, PANDAS!!!*,and
puppies, and of course, the Panthers report, which you are
reading now. As we said before, Bobland is either a parallel
universe, or it’s own planet, or maybe a speck of dust. We
think it's the latter of the three.But we’re still not very
sure.
*Exclamation marks completely necessary.
THE AWESOME WAFFLE CHAMELEON OF AWESOMENESS
FOLLOWS HER DREAMS
By Hedgi­corn Walrus (or katie)
She's a chameleon
She's also a nutter
She's stylish in waffles
She looks good in butter
The type of her waffle
is strict multi­grain
But her favorite topping
Is pure sugar cane
She's okay at math
Her favorite symbol is Π
To her grids look like waffles
She doesn't know why
A waffle to you is breakfast food
served with syrup and a glassful of moo
goes well with sausage and bacon and ham
but to her it is just a hair do
Her sense of fashion
is out of the box
She likes sprinkles and syrup
and polka dot socks.
When she goes shopping
the salesmen will stare
at the monstrous piles
of crazy headwear
Bobland government sued for over pricing
everything
Hedge­icorn Walrus
The unhappy citizens of BOBLAND are now broke and owe the
government quite a few tons of sugar. Being very happy people,
the threw a cheery bomb* at the giant government building. Now
the whole country is covered in cheery juice.
*For those uneducated in the arts of destructive happiness, a cheery bomb is a delicious
red explosive fruit that makes everyone within five miles to become ridiculously happy
and become british, exclaiming things like “Jolly goo!” and “Cheery­o!” and laughing
hysterically while doing so. It also covers EVERYTHING in red pulpy fruit
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“Unicorn” meaning confuses people and cats
all over the universe~By Hedgi­corn Walrus (or
katie)
1 in 1.84023 people and cats are left confused at
the meaning of “unicorn”. They all thought it
meant a pony with narwhal­like horn on it's head, but in fact
it’s true meaning is shown with this picture:
~~~Page 2~~~
Sad story
A writer of the PR has Minecraft Pocket edition for her
family's IPad and she built a huge and comfortable house.
Although one day she was placing TNT in the top floor of her
house for storage. She placed about 50 TNT in her house, then
when she ran out, she had flint and steel in the next space
for inventory. She continued trying to place TNT but instead
it detonated one block. It exploded then the rest exploded in
a huge laggy mess. Her house was completely destroyed, not
only the 100's of wood planks but all the items in the chests,
the floor, the bookcases, and lots of glass. It is just a
game, but it still is extremely upsetting when you spent time
on something and it gets destroyed. There is now a gigantic
hole where the house was. P.S. MCPE is totally worth it.
Short version: My house blew up.
411 PAyAAEEaiINN (dundundunnn)
Call 1­800­411­pain for free pain delivered right to your
face. Get your free pain today for only $9.95(!!!)We know you
will love your pain, so we include a free(!!!) booklet to
explain why your pain is the most painful pain in the world.
Here are some of the great reasons why you will love your
pain, and thank you!:
1.It’s very painful!!!
2. You can have all of your friends over to show them how
ridiculously painful your pain is!!!
3. Your pain can be stored in your cell phone untill you
would like to realistically have a heart attack*!!!
4. Test your pain tolerance on the go!!!
5.Amount of pain can be toggled between Extra High to
Freaking Ridiculously Painful!!!
6. Five different types of pain!
*Chuck norris punch (no explanation needed.)
~~~Page ∞ (or 3 if you prefer)~~~
*Justin Beaver song (also no explanation needed.)
*Instant pain (Just add water, microwave for eight minutes,
bake, let rise, cool, freeze overnight, let thaw, and put in
slow cooker for 16 hours(!!!))
* Waffle assassin (Comes to your house within ten hours and
gives you the worst type of pain. Grief for a murdered soul.)
* Good ole’ fashioned pain(We will direct one of our many
squads of robotic unicorn squirrels straight to your house,
cave or cardboard box, and smother you with pillows, cotton
balls, cotton candy, happiness, and large
mattresses until you beg for mercy. And
to top it off, we will bombard you with
pink pygmy puffs named Arnold. :)
*actual heart attack. (your heart has
anger issues) may be graphic for small
narwhals with plastic cell phones.
CLASSIFIEDS
___________________________________________________________
Canned Hate© for sale:
`Comes with it’s own theme song.* ♪Canned Hate; it’s hate in a
can!♪
For only the ridiculously large err small price of
$999999999.99. If you want some, call Phil at 652­369­DUMP or
go to Ye olde Dump, 9999 Idiot Ave NS, The Land of the
Berries, Bobland.
*Canned Hate Co. Is not responsible for any extreme irritation
caused by Canned Hate© music loop, can or product.
Copyright© 1926 B.C. By Canned Hate Co.
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A letter from stEvE CRAP A SPIDER(?):
MineCraft is awESo­AHH CReEEEPER!!!­awesome.
~~~Page 4~~~
BwahahahAhAHhAhhahHAH!!11!11­HOLY mOOsHErooM its
HEroBRINE!!!1!111!­ So any way USE REDDDStone!!!!!!!! tnt bad.
oh YeaH fire bad. fliNt AnD stteeel BAAAAaaah­sHEeeP­D.
SheePPs is AwESOme. Frum stEvE CRAP A SPIDER
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Dachshunds for rent
Rent these adorable puppies for the microscopic price of
$99999999999999.99
Plus shipping and handling
Call (763) 785­3381 for puppies
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Ridiculously energetic unicorn for sale
Anyone want a really immature neon yellow unicorn for a coin
or two? After Mr. lemonade, I could use some sense.
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OUR WEBSITE
Are you one of the very few people that read this?!?!? Well
you’re in luck! because WE HAVE A WEBSITE!!! The website is
panthersreport.weebly.com and it is really cool. We update it
constantly so check back sometimes. Current features include:
HTML animated pics, CUTE PICS(>u<), games videos and LOTS
MORE!!! You can also read our papers! Show your support with
our +1 Google+ button!!! Tell the writers what you think! Join
contests! And remember kids, eat your broccoli
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THANK YOU FOR READING THE
PANTHERS
REPORT,
WHERE NO
ONE EVEN
TALKS
ABOUT
PANTHERS!!!!!!!!!
(Huff)