Kibo - Tim`s Melbourne Flat

Transcription

Archaeillogical
Fragments
[ 1995 ]
the only surviving quotable quotes
from alt.religion.kibology, 1995
(the year the internet was degaussed)
Copyright © 1997 James “Kibo” Parry
Kibo’s note:
1995 was a year of turmoil. ❡ Aliens had just destroyed
Disneyland with their deadly Z-rays. ❡ Pez was discovered to be
the cure for cancer, and six months later it was also found to be
the cause. ❡ Rabbits bred with monkeys to give rise to a superior
form of life that would throw little black pellets at you. ❡ All
television networks transmitted secret “seaQuest DSV” episodes
24 hours a day directly into tiny receivers that looked like
tattoos. ❡ Godzilla married Dairy Queen. Because of this, Kibo
was too busy to post to alt.religion.kibology for most of the year.
Archives of this turbulent period are fragmentary,
when they exist at all. For the Internet,
1995 was The Year That Never Happened.
This book is an attempt to figure out what happened in 1995, if
anything, so that future generations may learn from our mistakes.
*
Kibo
would like to thank the people other than him
who contributed something to this monumental task, such as those
people who actually wrote some of the stuff in this book which was
edited, designed, & published entirely by
3
Kibo.
VIRTUAL LAWYERS’ PAGE
Please remember that anything said by someone
is copyrighted by the person who said it,
unless they forgot to put their name on it,
in which case it’s now Kibo’s because he has
dibs. In addition, the book as a whole is
copyright (C) 1997 by Kibo so don’t go doing
a "Best of ’Best of Alt.Religion.Kibology’"
meta-book.
B
C
first printing A 11/2/97 B
James "Kibo" Parry D [email protected]
A
NOW TURN THE PAGE
AND SAY “DUH”!
GOTCHA!
I DIDN’T SAY “KIBO SAYS”!
YOU LØSE!
[ kibo’s flesh ]
I have come in contact with Kibo,
and his skin is silky smooth, and
silver like a dolphin...
Kyle Smith, 2 January
7
[ an underwater supertrain ]
(high-pitched mechanical voice)
Ki-bo scared. Bridger friend.
Dark-ness is light and one.
Darwin rescue Lucas. Giant worms
bad. Also SeaQuest really suck.
Kibo, 3 January
8
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Tjames Madison)
New Year's Wishes
alt.religion.kibology
Zima Arcade
Sun, 1 Jan 1995 10:41:33 GMT
1. I wish people would stop calling my pet "Mr. Floppy Ears," because
she's really a cat.
2. I wish all the people of the world would get together in the spirit of
peace and harmony and love. Well, at least the people we like, then we
can beat the soup out of our enemies.
3. I wish people would stop yakking on BART trains on New Year's because,
hey, somebody's got to clean all that stuff up.
4. I wish I could stop smoking. And drinking. And eating things that are
bad for me. And watching bad television like "Small Wonder". But she's
just so darn cute I can't help myself.
5. I wish Eddie Vedder continued luck in his comeback from tragedy.
Remember “Small Wonder”? That was the show
about the little girl who was really a robot
and nobody ever noticed even though she
talked like a robot and acted goofy and
always worse the same dress. Kibo has been
insisting that everyone should watch “Small
Wonder” since November 1991. Of course, now
it’s TOO LATE.
As far as blezmogons go, if they go at all,
they’re geometric shapes first discovered by
Kibo in 1994. They’re the opposite of blobs.
These yellow things are
comments by Kibo in 1997.
The stupid “script
typewriter” style is to fool
you into thinking you’re
reading a mimeographed
church newsletter from 1975.
6. I wish I could figure out which group to troll that one in.
7. I WISH I HADN'T EATEN THE LAST EGGO WAFFLE!
8. I wish I had all the candy in the world. I would give one piece to
everyone on Usenet. But seeing as how I would have All The Candy In The
World, they would have to give their pieces back immediately.
9. I wish Milli Vanilli would reunite and rock my world.
10. I wish I could stop misplacing my blezmogons.
-"you'd rock it if you were able: can you hang with judas cradle?"-bob
r
o
r
a
l
u
c
a
r
d
9
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Date:
Organization:
[email protected] (Linden Lindy Sisk)
Re: Neutopia vs. Kibology
alt.society.neutopia, alt.wired, alt.religion.kibology
1 Jan 1995 16:52:25 GMT
Portal Communications Company -- 408/973-9111 (voice) 408/973-8091 (data)
Doctress Neutopia <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> I have tried to find a publisher, an agent, a professorship, etc and I
> am still not finding my way into the communication networks of change.
> I have an entire archetype to expose to the world and I have an
> ideology based on true love to teach. I am prepared for primetime tv
> in order to challenge the right-wingers. Please, dear Goddess give me
> the way to get the message out!
>
>
Some one help me!
Question:
What's the difference between Beavis and Butthead, and the Doctress?
Answer: Beavis and Butthead have a TV show.
irrelevant and trivial.
All other differences are
-Lindy Sisk
[email protected]
The Internet Crocodile
Eater of Souls
"In CyberSpace, no one can hear you scream." (SM)
Doctress Neutopia is
very serious.
This was before she
discovered she could
cross-post her IMPORTANT
ANNOUNCEMENTS to more
than three newsgroups at
a time.
As of November 1997, the
“Neutopian Lovolution”
has yet to displace the
backward-thinking male
oligarchy.
HOORAY FOR MEN!!!!
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Kyle Smith)
STORY: "Angst Angst Angst!" (clown, pine-sol, carbon, penis)
alt.religion.kibology,alt.sex.stories
University of Chicago
Sun, 1 Jan 1995 19:47:35 GMT
Gustov the clown pulled his hand from the fire and rubbed the soot
that once was his flesh across his right cheek. The floor-cleaner continued
to gurgle on to the empty wooden beams. Charred flesh and pine collided
with a harrowing roar in his mind. Memories raced back to the day in the
German hills when the innocence had escaped.
Gustov screamed "Mother!" He began to urinate.
I think someone else is having a fond
flashback to the days before “Saturday
Night Live” became less funny than,
say, alt.sex.masterbation [sic].
11
[ sugar hexagons ]
Somewhere out there is a man
who got paid to write the lyrics:
“Honeycomb’s big, yeah yeah yeah
It’s not small, no no no.”
Dave A. Lartigue, 2 January
12
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (James "Kibo" Parry)
Re: What I Got Kibo for Christmas
HappyNet Headquarters
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 08:16:54 GMT
[email protected] (Robert Kulagowski) writes:
>
> All the candy in the world.
> 1 truck full of Zima.
> His very own Troll-o-meter (tm).
> A subscription to Prodigy (the worlds biggest online service).
> A rubber squeeze-toy for Spot.
> A Pu atom for his brane.
Actually, it's a Squeezium atom. Squeezium is what makes stuff fun to
squash. Not necessarily easier or harder to squash, or messier or
neater, just funner.
Also, some kind soul sent me the Modus Internet CD-ROM in exchange for
my permission to include a HappyNet GIF on it.
And I learned that there's an Italian version of "El Gran Juego de la
Oca" called "Il Grande Gioco del Oca". Apologies if I've gotten the two
languages confused here, but the two programs melted the two hemispheres
of my brain one by one.
Also also, I'm pleased to see that they further chopped up the already
chopped-up revamped Thunderbirds episodes and made them even less
watchable. Way to go!
-- K.
13
[ a new gourmet food product ]
It’s expensive, stupid, and lasts
only seconds—but makes your
mouth hurt for days—
it’s BEE IN A BALLOON!
Kibo, 3 January
14
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Date:
Organization:
[email protected] (Elisabeth Higgins)
What is cool about YOU'SENet!!!!
1 Jan 1995 21:06:57 GMT
Netcom
1. YOU'SE can pretend YOU'SE is a donkey!
2. YOU'SE can pretend YOU'SE is NOT a donkey!
3. YOU'SE can start thinking that YOU'SE is like onna those guys on Star Trek!
4. YOU'SE can vote on stuff like: Kiboluv is [x] Joe Bay [ ] Kibo
5. YOU'SE can say that your name is The Disco King or Tunnel Torquemada
and then people will call you that!
6. And then YOU'SE can say that YOU'SE should pretend that this is in
the wackiest font in the world!
7. And then YOU'SE can say that YOU'SE should print all this out and
put it on your refrigerator and maybe someone will!
8. YOU'SE can tell everyone that YOU'SE has always wondered what it
would be like to be married to that Randolf Mantooth from the show Emergency!
9. And then YOU'SE will be married to that Randolph Mantooth!
10. And then YOU'SE will learn how to spell his name!
11. And then Randolf/ph Mantooth sings YOU'SE Tommy Roe songs every
night until YOU'SE are asleep!
Love from,
The Disco King!
-"I am like that one guy on Star Trek!"
15
Youse guys should print
this out and put it on
your refrigerator.
Unless you don’t have a
refrigerator, in which
case put it on your dog.
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
[email protected] (Clifton T. Sharp)
Re: I bought it! (long)
rec.puzzles,alt.religion.kibology,alt.culture.internet,
alt.culture.usenet,sci.math,alt.alien.visitors
Organization: as little as possible
Date:
Mon, 2 Jan 1995 07:34:12 GMT
not as pronounced or dangerous with a refrigerator, but is most
evident in a dark room; the speedy onrush of photons hurts your eyes
more under those conditions.
-Cliff Sharp
WA9PDM
[email protected]
[email protected] (Jay C Jachimiak) writes:
>
> Not only that, but light can't travel in sub-freezing temperatures.
> That's why, although there are lights in refrigerators, there are never
> lights in freezers. So, even if you could find a way to deliver that
> sunlight through the vaccuum of space, you couldn't get it to most of the
> world during winter.
No, light can travel in sub-freezing temperatures; but it is repelled
by them, and the colder the temperature the more it's repelled. The
reverse is true; the hotter an item, the more light is attracted to it.
This explains the cold and dark of space (it's cold, so light is
repelled); the brightness of the sun (it's very hot, so it attracts
a lot of light); why the cold side of the earth is dark, and why the
warm side is bright; why heating the filament of a light bulb makes
the filament attract light; why burning a stream of butane from a
cigarette lighter attracts light, etc.
Reminiscent of Lawson’s
“Suction & Pressure”
physics.
“Shop at the S & P -it sucks and it blows!”
The reason the earth rotates is that the cold part repels the light
shining from the sun, and pushes away from it. But the leading edge
of the cold part is heated by the friction of turning, and begins to
attract light, thus pulling on the side not being pushed. The pull
of the warm side of the earth (pulling at the light of the sun) is
counterbalanced by the push of the cold part, thus maintaining our
distance from the sun.
A light in a freezer would be hazardous to users. The photons,
excited by the repulsion of the cold air in the freezer, would rush
out and kill anyone who opened the door. The speed of repulsion is
Never get into fights with ugly people.
They have nothing to lose.
--The Fourth Law of Reality
16
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
Re: ***** How are these topics sorted
alt.2600, alt.religion.kibology
Mon, 2 Jan 1995 17:21:53 GMT
a small needle through the "Enter" key, tests your blood every five
minutes. However, messages are not yet sorted by cholesterol level due
to the surprising reluctance of people to purchase this option. But
when cholesterol level becomes the main sorting protocol, your message
rank will be directly proportional to the amount of french fries you eat.
[email protected] (John E. Lundgren) writes:
>
> [email protected] (Kyle Smith) writes:
> >
> > [email protected] writes:
> > >
> > > [email protected] writes:
> > > >
> > > > can anyone explain how these subjects are sorted in here by date or what?
> > > > Thanks
> > >
> > > Alphabetically, by the first character in the subject line. If you start
> > > your subject with a blank space, you'll pretty much guarantee that your
> > > article will be the first one everyone sees when they read that newsgroup.
> > >
> >
> > Nope. Absolutely wrong. The subjects are sorted by the pH level of oil
> > secreted by the author's fingertips.
>
> You're full of balderdash. Oil is non-conductive, so the electronics
> would not be able to detect it and measure the pH. There is a passive
> InfraRed detection system that detects the hands and keeps track of the
> keystrokes.
I pity you and your lack of knowledge. You have obviously not heard of
the Litmus Keyboard (TM) which is now the industry standard. The Litmus
Keyboard (TM) senses the pH level on all the fingertips and also turns
all the keys pink (except for the keys which are infrequently used,
obviously, such as "Print Screen", "Num Lock", and "e"). An option on
the Litmus Keyboard (TM) is the cholesterol sensor which, by protruding
17
Kyle Smith
Litmus keyboard made by Multiscan Inc.
[ science jokes are seldom funnier ]
NBC PRESENTS
LINUS PAULING’S
WACKY RETORTS,
BEAKERS,
AND BLUNDERS!!!!
Kibo, 3 January
18
From:
Subject:
Message-ID:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Steve Mayer)
Re: Shaking The Nasty Thang On Campus
<[email protected]>
NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261-4700 guest)
Mon, 2 Jan 1995 20:39:43 GMT
Carlos May ([email protected]) wrote:
: [mass deletia, followed by attack on "illogical" argument]
:
: 2) A woman "dressed like a whore" should be "treated like a whore".
Remember, trolling is
the art of posting a
completely true
statement, like
What's so illogical about this? Would you disagree that a person
"dressed like a clown" should be "treated like a clown?"
: 3) It is appropriate for men to force their sexual attentions on
: "whores" even against the "whore's" will.
Hmmm, that sounds like theft of services, which is a less serious crime
than rape, which is the comparable crime when committed against
non-prostitutes.
“William Shatner was
the best cast member of
‘Star Wars’,”
: Even if this is a troll, I suspect that the perpitrator has severe
: problems and could benifit from professional help.
Well, yeah, but saying "trollers need professional help" is about as
insightful as "A equals A."
a.r.k added to newsgroups line because Kibo loves to read clown references.
19
and having bozos
“correct” you.
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Date:
Organization:
[email protected] (Jay C Jachimiak)
Re: Questions that urgently need answers
alt.religion.kibology,alt.culture.usenet
2 Jan 1995 23:09:33 -0500
Center for Disingenuous Swill
[email protected] wrote:
>
> Powdered Toast Man <[email protected]> wrote:
> >
> > We don't generally alphabeti[sz]e our sentences because it would look stupid.
> > I Mean, If All Sentences Looked Like This It Would Look Like A Microsoft Quick
> > Reference Card if They Ever Included One But They Don't Or It'd All Look Like
> > A Really Lame Book Title. see?
>
> I love the utterly useless ritual we Americans call education (we pronounce
> it 'babysitting').
>
> Obviously, PT Man here has confused two remarkably different ideas:
> _alphabetization_ and _capitalization_. (Hint: in big words like that,
> search for the root word).
Or, perhaps, Toast Man has combined two similar ideas:
HTH!
-Jay
[email protected] in NYC
20
the "c" stands for "charisma"
YHBT and HAND.
he said,
You Have Been Trolled,
Have A Nice Day.
Hope This Helps!
Sheesh, do I have to
explain everything to you
clods?
[ physics from the green dimension ]
Alexander Abian <[email protected]> wrote:
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------> TIME-SPACE HAS INERTIA. EQUIVALENCE OF TIME-SPACE AND MASS1/T+1/log M =1(ABIAN)
> ALTER EARTH'S ORBIT AND TILT - STOP EPIDEMICS OF CANCER, CHOLERA, AIDS, ETC.
>
VENUS MUST BE GIVEN A NEAR EARTH-LIKE ORBIT TO BECOME A BORN AGAIN EARTH
ABIAN MUST BE GIVEN A NEARFATAL SANDPAPER BUFFING TO
BECOME A POLISHED SPHERE
Kibo, 3 January
21
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
The Zen of Mark Trail (Are you chiseled?)
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 02:16:00 GMT
From December 23, 1994:
>
> "EEEEEEEHHIIEOOEEE"
>
> "It's that horrible sound again!"
>
> "We shouldn't just sit here, Mark, let's go find out what it is!"
>
> "That will be a tough job... I've tried to track it down myself!"
Kibo
would
like
you
to
know
that
he
has
the
same
And everybody has the same chiseled face, even the women,
except with different hairstyles.
I say it is a thinly veiled metaphor of the upcoming sociopolitical
revolution in America, but I've been wrong about Mark Trail before.
Kyle Smith
22
chin
as
Charlie
Rocket.
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Gardner S Trask)
Re: KFAAMSBFT Anouncement
The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 00:12:11 GMT
P.S. This
me to the
cinch it,
responded
ALONE (not having to resort to 'you misspelled') should vault
top of the December Kibo Rookie of the Month queue. Now to
I have never used the word of the day, nor have I ever
to Steve B, and thus kept his threads alive.
Other notables:
[email protected] (R. Patrick Dockrey) writes:
>
> This christmas was really nifty for my whole family, except one thing.
> One of my less scrupulous aunts gave my younger brother and anti-matter
> snow ball as a present. He is now 12, yet my aunt thought that this was a
> suitable present. This started me thinking -- how many other people are
> ignorant of the dangers of anti-matter snow balls? We must prevent such
> tradigies from happening again! That is why I am sponsering the formation
> of Kibologists For An Anti-Matter Snow Ball Free Tomorrow, or KFAAMSBFT
> for short. This is of course extended even to the Agnostikibologists out
> there as well. Soon we will have chapters all over this world, and
> Neptune as well! While the primary cause of KFAAMSBFT would be to educate
> people on the perils of anti-matter snow balls we will help in many
> community projects such as putting pictures of lost pixels on the back of
> milk cartons and distributing copies of MAKE.MONEY.FAST to pay for the
> cost of moving venus into a near earth orbit.
> I ask all of you out there with younger siblings, small children or large
> collections of Mentos and Zima to support this cause.
> ->
Speaker For The Dead
>
________ Leader and
>
| SPQR | founder of
>
~~~~~~~~ KFAAMSBFT
>
[email protected]
- The wrestling post between the smarmy three and the masked merauders.
- Pixel Stix(tm)
- Zen and eggs.
- Amish re-posts.
- the Eliza server
- and other generally witty retorts, replies, and resounders
I beseach thee oh great kibo, please scan my posts, and see if not I am
indeed in contention for the KRotM award. I wish to add this to my resume.
---------------------------------------------------| Gardner S. Trask III
MPower the people |
| [email protected]
|
---------------------------------------------------
So, does this make you "Pro-Matter" or "Anti-Anti-Matter"?
Gard "Proud of the fact he has yet to have to use the old joke of 'you
misspelled xxx' simply because I could think of nothing better" Trask
23
I think Gardner added all the stuff at the end because certain weenie
computers won’t let you post if you quote more text than you add.
Wait, he’s not using a weenie computer, he’s using World.Studly.Com!
[ on quackers ]
Chicken feet are unpleasantly greasy,
but humorously crunchy. The superior
man eats duck feet. The king attains
abundance. Be not sad.
Juan C. Phrink, 14 February
24
[ heads will roll ]
Is that from a
cabbage-planning
clinic advertisement?
Marek Lugowski, 14 February
25
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Date:
Organization:
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
[email protected] (Thomas Richardson)
Re: Kibo
alt.bogus.group, alt.religion.kibology
2 Jan 1995 21:43:00 GMT
The University of Oklahoma (USA)
Responding to a fellow that wants to know how to get in touch with Kibo,
[email protected] (Andrew "I'm a believer" Hime) writes:
>
> You could always try his newsgroups... alt.religion.kibology and the like.
The benefit comes from the seeking, not from the finding. Some of us
believe that, perhaps, there never was a Kibo. Direct contact is
unimportant as is his actual existence. Kibology is an elegant
moral philosophy independent of the existence or non-existence of Kibo.
Tom Richardson
Agnostikibologist
[Of course, I *do* believe in Spot.]
[email protected] (Jay C Jachimiak)
Re: What is a snuff film?
alt.sex, alt.sex.bondage, alt.sex.movies, alt.folklore.urban,
Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology
Date:
2 Jan 1995 17:04:04 -0500
Organization: Center for Disingenuous Swill
[email protected] (Machine Media) wrote:
>
> On the subject of snuff films, which can defined as films in which a
> person is killed 4 the purpose of making a film of the person being
> killed, I have a few comments 2 be made on the absolute nature of some of
> the replies 2 this thread.
>
> Firstly, the argument that no one U know has ever seen one & therefore
> they don't exist is absurd. Books used 2 use the example of inductive
> reasoning that all swans were white, because no one had ever seen a
> non-white swan. Then black swans were discovered in Australia. The fact
> that no U know has seen one is a very weak argument -- the world is a
^^^
You misspelled "1". Hope this helps!!1!
For some reason, a serious
theological discussion arose on
alt.religion.kibology in early
1995. This article was the
beginning. Eventually the
seriousness died down, thank Kibo.
-Jay
[email protected] in NYC
the "c" stands for "compressed"
(Note to a.r.k newbies: "You misspelled..." is another old joke.)
26
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
Re: Glassbead Approach
alt.cyberspace, alt.surrealism, alt.religion.kibology
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 08:59:08 GMT
Andrea Chen <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> [...]
> It sometimes helps to look at the wisdom of our ancestors. In
> the first false dawn of cyberspace (of which surrealism is an
> example), Hesse layed out a 3 level sketch.
>
> 3. The "upper level" is a set of books which chronicle
> environment against skull combined with journeys to the east.
> Water against stone in the Paz-ia (Octavio) icongraphy. [...]
>
>
>
>
>
Mr. Sarfatti, please stop posting Dirac notation to alt.religion.kibology!
We don't mind the kets, but the bras just don't do what they used to.
> ::ac:: alt.cyberspace, andrea chen, alternating currents (a book
> of essays by the last living major associate of Breton (Octavio
> Paz) and the only "classical surrealist" to win a Nobel Prize).
Yeah? Well, I'm a QUANTUM SURREALIST, and I won TEN NOBEL PRIZES by
ARM-WRESTLING ALEXANDER ABIAN!!! I'm an ONTOLOGICAL GORILLA or at least
that's what the MEDIA TOLD ME!!!
-- K
Quick, count the memes
in this thing that looks
just like an inside joke
but is really just Kibology!
You, sir, are a genius.
>
The notation is a slight extension of the original fifties
construct with (( )) used to desiginate a "high level" member.
Finding the "2 strings" (d, bennett) marked by (( )) gives the
"text title" which appears after "Signed:" (which is a "title
type").
-Andrea "I may not be real" Chen-
Maybe you're an integer because I hear that in math they have these
things called integers which aren't real numbers but they exist anyway
unlike the imaganiry numbers which they just made up and use to confuse
the students that they hate for no reason because all the teachers are
taking payola by the MAFIA !!!!!!!!!11
> ::**:: A troll to John McCarthy in "primitive" neu-Minskia
> community of mind.
That's "societies of mind", you big silly.
27
I miss Andrea Chen. She could
explain any joke without ruining
it--because it was always less
comprehensible after she’d
explained it. Her book learnin’
put my Minskian memes to shame.
[ boom ]
. . . you could attach sensors to
them and put them on a Web site,
like they did for those wolves up
in Alaska. . . . I’d like to see some
parrots explode.
Darren P. Mckeeman, 27 February
28
[ wisdom ]
“I still have problems
explaining Kibo to anyone
who’s not on the Net.”
Darren P. Mckeeman’s .signature
29
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Followup-To:
Organization:
Date:
Re: IF YOU ARE USING AOL YOU ARE GETTING TAKEN!
alt.aol-sucks, alt.stupidity, alt.fan.warlord, alt.religion.kibology
misc.test, alt.religion.kibology, alt.fan.warlord
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 08:30:39 GMT
In alt.aol-sucks, Spatch <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Ronald M. Hopkins-Lutz <[email protected]> spewed:
> >
> >Unix is for eunichs.
> >CI$ people have to pay for it all the time.
> >Net surfers are like radical uh man!
> >AOL people do to more than one at the same time.
>
> You forgot "Kibo sucks" and "Homos Go Home". That way you could annoy
> the ENTIRE net instead of the select few you mention here.
Oh, come on, you forgot "Kibo is entertaining" after "Kibo sucks",
just to cover ALL the bases if you want to piss off the net.
You could leave out all the other stuff with those two in there.
>
>
>
>
tv's Spatch, MD PhD PMS XYZ PDQ - Will make culinary references for food
This Green Card .sig is here to piss off Canter and Siegel.
"I am the Lone Locust of the Apocalypse. Think of me when you look to the
night sky." - Zorak (he's evil, you know) - SGC2C
Yes, but remember, Zorak's a *mantis*. Lokar's the *locust*.
lied about this in older episodes, I don't know.
Why Zorak
-- K.
A “.signature” file, as referred to
on the previous page, is the
witticism that gets attached to the
end of everything you post or mail.
At left, I’m using a .signature
designed to attract newbies by
impersonating another newbie: the
fake Prodigy address is a sure
lure, as is the Mensa reference.
The last three lines were copied
verbatin from an actual .signature
which was given to all new users at
a certain site in New Zealand
(Their system administrator was
cruel and evil and it was a great
idea--an electronic “KICK ME”.)
”37619*” was actually the door code
to get into an MIT computer lab.
Nobody ever made the connection.
Mensa member code 37619*
=== Users at this site are charged high mail fees. ===
Please don't send binaries without prior permission of the account holder.
(This is the default system sig. If you see this, assume a Usenet newbie)
30
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
Re: Neptune Exodus ends - Comunicacion establecida
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 08:45:50 GMT
Jay C Jachimiak <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> [email protected] (Andrew Hime) wrote:
> >
> > Carlos May <[email protected]> wrote:
> > >
> > > Andrew Hime ([email protected]) wrote:
> > > : >Los que escriben en alt.religion.kibology son los paisanos del Usenet.
> > >
^^^^^^^^
> > > : Those who write in a.r.k. are the clowns of the Usenet.
> > >
^^^^^^
> > > Try "citizens of the Usenet".
> >
> > Duh. I was trying to make us out to be more than we are... paisanos...
> > pais... country, denizens. I'm an idiot.
>
> It makes more sense the first way, besides being more flattering. Why
> do we in a.r.k have more reason to be called the "citizens of Usenet"
> than anyone else? Shouldn't it be "the mimes of Usenet" though? How
> would you say that? (I only know how to say "mime" in French.)
I said "bozos" to the Italian reporter who interviewed me for _La Stampa_.
Then I had to explain the difference between "bozo" and "hobo".
Are we hoboes?
-- K.
Tomatoes?
31
I don’t think the article for
La Stampa [Rome] was ever
printed. Around this time
Playboy gratuitously devoted a
paragraph to me, something
which surprised me when I just
happened to be leafing through
a huge stack of pornographic
magazines looking for my name.
(Other magazines that have
talked about Kibo: Wired,
Mechanical Engineering, The
Economist, The [Schenectady]
Daily Gazette, NewMedia,
The Boston Herald, Internet
Australasia, many others, but
not Children’s Digest. I
refuse to grant them an
interview until they go back
to that special light-green
paper that was proven to make
children smarter.)
[ crunch & chug ]
Yes! Grape Nuts are
nothing less than
FREEZE DRIED BEER!
Rich Holmes, 19 January
32
From:
Subject:
Organization:
Date:
Re: Excuse me...
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 08:49:25 GMT
Jay C Jachimiak <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> [email protected] (Rich Holmes) wrote:
> >
> > [email protected] (Mike Knell) writes:
> > >
> > > Not warlording Kibo, are we? Kibo's Allowed to have as big a sig block
> > > as he wants, and generally it's a real big one (ooh-er). You never
> > > seen Kibo's .sig before, then?
> >
> > That's two catches for Jay. Care to place bets on who'll be #3?
>
> Things are so quiet over there, there may not be a third. I hope
> Kibo appreciates that I went to a.f.w and got called a "wanker"
> just for him!
Yeah, but don't you know, _everyone_ on Usenet is technically a wanker?
Except for alt.fan.warlord, where they're nontechnical wankers.
-- K.
bee in a balloon!
bee in a blimp!
bee in Biosphere 2!
alt.fan.warlord is the
place for making fun of
big cheesy .signatures,
some examples of which
we will dissect later.
CALLBACK!
33
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Date:
Organization:
Andrea Chen <[email protected]>
3 Jan 1995 14:05:55 -0800
CRL Dialup Internet Access
[email protected] (James "Kibo" Parry) writes:
>
> You, sir, are a genius.
Thankyou,
but that should read "You, madam, are a nut."
> unlike the imaganiry numbers which they just made up and use to confuse
> the students that they hate for no reason because all the teachers are
> taking payola by the MAFIA !!!!!!!!!11
[Andrea Chen quoting Kibo quoting Andrea Chen]
> > ::**:: A troll to John McCarthy in "primitive" neu-Minskia
> > community of mind.
>
> That's "societies of mind", you big silly.
I am a "big silly" (though physically rather small), but this is
"neu Minskian" thought which rearranges metaphors to suit realities
and non realities. "Community" indicates a more tightly woven
system than "society" and if we study the average human mind is it
surely "uptight".
>We don't mind the kets, but the bras just don't do what they used to.
****
I knew this was an anti-Italian conspiracy (see note above)
Simply because I am from Monterey which as a large population of
Sicilian background (including Leon Panetta) is no reason to engage
in ethnic stereotypes. Though it is often forgotten in this age of
a romanticized "melting pot" (truly a burning cauldron), within
living memory southern and easten Europeans had to undergo cruel
prejudice. For example a woman who used to live down the street
from me whose maiden name was Brucia had it openly pronounced
"brassiere" by a mocking teacher. Latter when she acquired a job
(this was the Depression), the same teacher called her employer
and said he should hire a "real American".
Neu neu topian thought says that all people should be respected
(unless of course they are Kibo who is actually an AI) even if
they are white and male. The fact that I am from Monterey, that
Monterey has many Sicilians and that we secretly control the
world does not mean that we are MAFIA. I will continue to deny
it no matter what the evidence.
> I'm an ONTOLOGICAL GORILLA or at least
>that's what the MEDIA TOLD ME!!!
The media always lies (unless it says good
are an ontological GUERILLA (strategically
superior to old Mouse Dung). I however am
Sun Tzu and Mark Twain combined (or else I
>
>
>
>
KIBA-logy, you big silly!
has commenced.
34
stuff about me). You
equal to, but morally
Lao Tzu, Chuang Tzu,
am a liar).
*********
The neu neu topian feminization of Internet
Andrea "I'm too smart to be a boy" Chen
doctress "sometimes I'm a boy, but I change sex often" bennett
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Date:
Organization:
[email protected] (Andrea Chen)
alt.cyberspace,alt.surrealism,alt.religion.kibology
4 Jan 1995 12:03:26 -0800
CRL Dialup Internet Access
a perfect illustration of my point. "meme" is a "primitive
button". K as in Kafka has a "complete feed" and searches
out words. By incuding the world "mime" in a text, you become
part of kiboist square on the board. This is a link. The glasbead
board is not confined to two dimensions. It can hold (theoretically)
and infinite number of dances.
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
james dolan <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> see, i told you a. chen was really h. shen.
You sure it's not a simple sheet of A. A. Chen rub-on transfer letters
from Letraset? She's very bold.
[email protected] (James "Kibo" Parry) writes:
>
>
-- K.
>
>
>
-- K.
Remind me to make a
"dolly grip" joke here
so I can supersede this
post into rec.arts.movies.
I apologize if comparing kibo (in a previous post) was construed
as a flame. It was meant as a compliment, I will even go so far
as to say kibo is the equivalent of mouse associate Joe N Lie.
Note I also said kibo was their moral superior more (a little more)
a "guerilla of love" He would.
Hollystone Shen was a famous wacko on
Usenet at the time (the college had
implanted electrodes in her head, or
something.) Okay, there’s no point to me
including this article here except to
illustrate the typography joke I made.
Not blossum flowers to mow them down
he would not leap backwards
he would not define a great cultural revolution as being James Parry
as the only member of every group.
He is not mouse dung,
he is a little bit better
- Serdaress Chen -
Order of the Illuminati
Letraset Aachen Bold
In never ending battle against the evil knights templar.
>
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 09:01:30 GMT
35
[ bazooka joe stalin ]
At the bottom of the comics, they
have little fortunes! Mine was
“You’re headed for the
most excellent day ever.”
Joe Rumsey, 3 January
36
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
WHO WOULD WIN?
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 09:04:53 GMT
a) pathetic alt.flame loser who repeatedly brags
"I can bench-press 500 pounds!" or
b) pathetic alt.flame loser who repeatedly brags
"I have a 5000 gigabyte modem!" or
Those of you who were in
the fifth grade will
remember there were always
a few kids obsessed with
figuring out if the
Battlestar Galactica could
blow up Buck Rogers or
vice versa, or if Kirk was
a better captain than
Picard.
This article has nothing to do with that.
c) pathetic alt.religion.kibology loser who
repeatedly brags "I have a Big Bird jack-in-the-box!"
JUSTIFY YOUR ANSWER.
DO NOT EAT.
SHOW ALL YOUR WORK IN THE HYPERSPACE PROVIDED.
ANYTHING.
-- K.
37
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
Re: Those wacky Scientologists
alt.religion.kibology, alt.religion.scientology
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 09:12:01 GMT
Jeff Jacobsen <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>
Wasn't Kibology patterned after Scientology?
No. Check your dates. L. Ron was still "studying" in "Tibet" when I
founded the First Church Of The Guy Who Sat Behind Kibo In Fourth Grade
For Two Weeks, which wasn't a good idea, so we changed it to Kibology.
Also, we kicked out the guy who sat behind me in fourth grade.
> Does this mean Kibo will
> now be cancelling all posts that mention Kibo Kabobs?
On the contrary. I will be forging "Supersedes:" for them to add more
secret doctrine to each one!
-- K.
INSERT DOCTRINE HERE
These two articles are interesting
only for historical reasons. I
included the Zapf Dingbats because
I wanted to bleep out the word
“fuck” because I decided not to use
words like “fuck” in this book.
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
Re: What makes me angry
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 09:24:04 GMT
Dave A. Lartigue <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Somewhere out there is a man who got paid to write the lyrics:
>
> "Honeycomb's big, yeah yeah yeah
> It's not small, no no no."
And it took THREE people to write
"...she's faaaantaaaastic, made of plastic..." for _Small Wonder_.
And someone got paid to write the "V.R. Troopers" theme song, the worst
❆◆❃❋ing theme song in the history of the Universe. Here're the lyrics
as best as I can remember them:
"V!
V!
V!
V!
R!
R!
R!
R!"
V! R! V! R! V! R! V! R! Virtual Reality!
V! R! Virtual Reality!
V! R! Virtual Reality!
(continues)
-- K.
How do YOU know how many
killfiles you're in?
38
[ bozing for dollars ]
I’ve been told that tonight (Monday)
at 7:30 pm, on “Chronicle” (channel 5),
I’ll be profiled. I’m assuming they
won’t try to make me look like a bozo,
because I’ve already taken care of that.
Kibo, 9 January
39
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
Re: KFAAMSBFT Anouncement
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 09:26:58 GMT
R. Patrick Dockrey <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> This christmas was really nifty for my whole family, except one thing.
> One of my less scrupulous aunts gave my younger brother and anti-matter
> snow ball as a present. He is now 12, yet my aunt thought that this was a
> suitable present. This started me thinking -- how many other people are
> ignorant of the dangers of anti-matter snow balls? We must prevent such
> tradigies from happening again! That is why I am sponsering the formation
> of Kibologists For An Anti-Matter Snow Ball Free Tomorrow, or KFAAMSBFT
> for short.
Not to be confused with F.L.A.K.E. (Fans of Lovecraft, Asimov, Kibo, and
Extraterrestrials) which has been featured on the Sci-Fi Channel's
"FTL Newsfeed" voicing their opinion that the navigational device from
the Rylo-7 asteroid is, like, a test, like in "This Island Earth" where
the guy has to build an interositer, and the holo-ized version really
sucks, you should watch the flat one instead.
-- K.
P.S.
Fun thing to do:
anonymous FTP to a random site
mkdir MAKE.BEABLE.FAST
40
In the interest of
full disclosure, I
should mention that
Harlan Ellison once
plugged a book on
the Sci-Fi Channel...
that is, a book I
get royalties from.
I wonder if he’d
have done that if
he’d known about the
Kibo connection;
I’ve been trying to
get him to flame me
for several years.
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Date:
Organization:
Sticky Novels: More Stuff from me Because I'm BORED!!!!
9 Jan 1995 03:07:47 GMT
Netcom
5.
So every day she wore the necklace of soft grey orbs, never realizing
that each was a stone he had passed while screaming her name like a
mantra.
6.
1.
One morning in April, Otto arose with the musty taste of some
proto-language at the back of his throat.
2.
She told him that he was the man of her dreams, but she didn't tell him
that those dreams also featured strange, deerlike creatures that ripped
silently at the flesh on the backs of her calves with their razorlike
claws until she could no longer support her own weight.
3.
...But he couldn't describe the sound.
"What was it like?" she asked,
"Like an oddly shrill aria sung by a rank amatuer who
obviously had no idea he was overheard, or was it more like
a low and mournful bellow that crawled into your brain like
a serpent after some soft sweet subterranean morsel with
brittle young bones that crack all round and powdery like your
soul itself?
And in the morning, there was a note on the nightstand that read, in an
unfamiliar hand, "How would a young ghost go about signing up for
driving lessons?"
I am bored. I am bored. Sometimes I am Dennis Hopper, but right now, I
am just bored.
YBF,
Shags: lingerie bath.
---"My sucky .sig"
4.
Sometimes, after her eyelids began to flutter with dreams, he would
sneak silently into the bathroom and hold his tongue against the grout
between the shower tiles, and then, if he closed his eyes tight, he
could sort out the taste of her skin and her hair from the soap and the
minerals, and if he stayed there long enough and kept his eyes shut
tight, he could superimpose sage dressing and a cranberry chutney.
The Penguin of Punishment.
41
U.S. GOVERNMENT
“UNDERGROUND” FACILITIES & TUNNELS
= Subterranean BASE
= TUBE-SHUTTLE Tunnel
$ = Unerground NUCLEAR “TEST SITE”
* = Nuclear Weapons Facility
+ = Uranium mining/milling
42
Invisible
text
to
make
Acrobat
Distiller
not
rotate
Invisible text to make Acrobat Distiller not rotatethe
thepage
pageautomatically.
automatically.
SWALLOW IT AFTER READING.
A MAP I FOUND SOMEWHERE.
Invisible
Invisibletext
texttotomake
makeAcrobat
AcrobatDistiller
Distillernot
notrotate
rotatethe
thepage
pageautomatically.
automatically.
[ cut! cut! ]
And it almost seems like movies
where little brats mutilate male
genitalia are becoming a regular
cinematic genre.
Aario Sami, 31 January
43
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
Re: SKYBOXOLAJUWON GOLD CARD
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 09:46:11 GMT
I nominate the above rec.collecting.cards subject line for the newest
and most powerful obscene nonsense word ever devised by the twisted mind
that is rec.collecting.cards!
-- K.
say it with me:
SKYBOXOLAJUWON
44
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
Autocrat
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 10:13:36 GMT
While at the market today I discovered a shocking fact.
Rhode Island's favorite flavor of coffee milkshake syrup is made by a
company named Autocrat. Yes, Autocrat.
From:
Subject:
Organization:
Date:
Re: Autocrat (Evil Pez)
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 16:00:55 GMT
[email protected] writes:
>
> Satan(R) Pez
>
>
-- K.
So which is best?
A friend and I once determined that if you take a normal lion-head
Pez and remove all the plastic add-on pieces you get this red blob
with red spikes sticking out in all directions. We lovingly named
it the Hellraiser Pez. And we sucked candy from its throat with
hedonistic abandon.
Autocrat(R) flavored syrups
Dictator(R) paper clips
Panamanian Strongman(R) laxatives
Kyle
Hitler(R) cheeses
Satan(R) Pez
I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S
I draw the line HERE!
-- K.
Scott says he thinks they
tried to combine Aristocrat
and Automat.
Autocrat syrups compete with Silmo,
which was recently listed on my
grocery store receipt as... “SLIMO”!
Andromeda
Strain
Yogurt!
45
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
Re: Bio-Art (living art) growing pictures from molds
rec.arts.fine,alt.artcom, rec.arts.misc, alt.religion.kibology
Tue, 3 Jan 1995 11:08:40 GMT
In *.arts.*, Hugh Cunningham <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Bio-Art (living art) is a new art form originated by Hugh
> Cunningham in 1991 in which living pictures can be produced to hang
> on your wall and yet not change appreciabley with time. It is
> produced by growing molds (fungi) on a thin film of agar medium
> on the surface of a sheet of glass. The molds may be
> grown as individual colonies using 2000 per picture (16" x 20")
> or in solid matts of one or more species per color, or as
> mixtures of 2-6 different molds per color with about 50,000
> colonies per picture. Using pointillist techniques, both abstract
> and impressionist art may be produced. Two or more molds
> may be mixed before applying to produce different colors.
> Hugh Cunningham would like to know if anyone is doing similar
> artwork at the present time or if they know of anyone working in
> this area? Send E-mail to [email protected].
I think some of the old masters got the same effect by sneezing into
their egg tempera and then leaving the painting in the rain for a few
weeks. It's even rumored that Van Gogh went insane because one of the
slime molds on his canvas kept crawling around and ruining the
composition. Oh, those zany lycopodia!
Also, I hear that there's some ray-tracing program on the Mac that can
simulate mold growing on flying sheets of shiny glass, but you always
have to superimpose some tacky chrome lettering on it.
-- K.
I *like* mold.
I just think squishing
them is kind of cruel.
But can you teach them to spell out messages in morse code? No?
Then I'm afraid Stanislaw Lem beat you to the breakthrough there...
Kibo, 13 February:
>
>
>
>
Oh, no, now this is going to turn into that darn
"Jet-Axe vs. Cordite vs. Primacord" flamewar again.
If you folks don't behave yourselves, I'll start
spelling Joe Viscosil's name wrong!
[...]
This art form is environmentally friendly since litter is picked up
to obtain the spores and no heavy metals such as cadmium, lead,
etc. found in many paints, is used.
What about the glass? It's made from silica--sand--and if EVERYONE buys
mold art, you could USE UP ALL THE SAND IN THE WORLD and then the Earth
would get really small and we'd all fall off! Or what if you use up
ALL THE MOLD IN THE WORLD? Then our bread will never again go moldy and
the gigantic food preservative industry will collapse, plunging our
economy into chaos and despair!!!
46
Joe Viskocil makes his living
blowing up models for movies.
Kibo envies him with a passion.
From:
Newsgroups:
Subject:
Organization:
Date:
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
[email protected] (Jennifer R. Accettola)
alt.religion.kibology,alt.stupidity
Re: drop dead, Erisian weenies
Tulane University, New Orleans, LA
16 Jan 1995 18:06:21 GMT
[email protected] writes:
>
> Jennifer Higgins <[email protected]> wrote:
> >
> > [email protected] (Jay C Jachimiak) wrote:
> > >
> > > [email protected] (Paul Kautz) wrote:
> > > >
> > > > So? My CAT once killed a human!
> > > >
> > > > Er, was it the other way around?
> > >
> > > For me, the other way around. My cat re-animated a dead human.
> >
> > Oh yeah, well my cat worked of Disney, and she did the *original*
> > animation of a number of dead humans.
>
> My cat shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
My cat just has to sneeze in the direction of a human and the target
becomes completely slimed by cat boogers, she *has* suffocated
people that way and even the most caustic solvents have proven impotent
in removing the slime from walls, woodwork and living human flesh
(cuz once you are suffocated it doesn't matter right? closed casket
funeral if they can find you before she eats ya!)
Ciao,
Jenn
47
Re: Recent Explosion of Cluelessness on Usenet!?
alt.destroy.the.internet,alt.religion.kibology,
alt.animals.lampreys
Keywords:
Kibo, Kibo, Kibo
Organization: HappyNet Headquarters
Date:
Wed, 8 Feb 1995 08:00:43 GMT
Thomas M Richardson <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> Release Kibo.
I am so tired of you people who go around misquoting Monty Python.
>
>
>
>
After all, somebody has him chained up somewhere, right? With
the additional bandwidth the Great Grepmeister would chew up in a
frenzied attempt to sate his long-thwarted NEED TO POST, he would
bring down the internet in a matter of minutes.
I have been posting. Haven't you been reading HappyNet?
Or are your 'trodes stuck in the wrong orifice?
> P.S.--Do any of you own a pet badger?
I bought one from Edmund Scientific but I ran out of blank badges
after I squashed all twelve of my goldfish into pinbacks.
-- K.
Look, I said "pinback", now you can
do a parody of "Alien" to annoy Lewis Stiller.
Mr. Stiller was fond of posting the frame numbers
of his favorite 24ths of a second from “Alien”.
[ zzzima ]
BTW, how many bottles of Zima
do you think would fit in the
Stanley Cup at one time?
John Kreuger, 25 January
48
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Andrew Bulhak)
Re: Discordian band names
alt.discordia,alt.religion.kibology
that dizzy edge
16 Jan 1995 03:47:33 GMT
Jonathan Hatch ([email protected]) wrote:
:
: Rev Zoweee Wow ([email protected]) wrote:
: :
: : Awhile ago, Lt. Wilkes ([email protected]) babbled this koan:
: : : : ~ As a public service I've decided to maintain a Discordian band name
: : ~ list. It's not very big right now, but at least it's a start.
: : : : ~ Three Frogs Reading (or Reading Tree Frogs)
: : ~ Goes Ding Lightly
: : ~ Hedgehog Sports Report
: : ~ Freeform Polygon (or Freeform Palindrome)
: : ~ The Fabulous Immovable Salmon Spread
: :
: : Me and three friends who can't play any musical instruments have
: : decided to form a band essentially because everyone else is doing it.
: : We are thinking of using the following names:
: :
: : Ancient Illuminated Seers of Trenton, NJ
: : Thundarr's Wookie (or Ookla the Mok)
: : Gnaz(tm)
: : Man the Wick
: : We Cant Play (or Trendy Band Full Of Idiots, or Doing This to Get Laid)
: : Bob's Addiction
: : Skinny Skanking Pickled Puppies
: : Expectorate!
: : M.C. Escher, M.C.P. and D.J. Rancid Rice
:
:
:
:
:
I think no list would be complete without the Seattleoid Stylings of
Mother Pearl Stone Love Temple Jam Helmet
and
No Sex, Please, We're Napiform Turdidae From Lubbock
I don't think that there are too many things that can beat "Broccoli
Meditation Experience". Someone proposed it back in the "Name Matt
Welsh's Cat" thread on alt.religion.kibology in 199[23], and this thread
is still worth digging up.
Other good names:
“Prune” ([email protected])
proposed Broccoli M. E. in October 1992.
Gerbilizer
Marshmallow Shrinkage
Beables for Quantum Field Theory
Stop Casting Porosity
-A n d r e w B u l h a k -><- [email protected]
The Dada Messiah is coming! Long live the Surreavolution!
Chris Carter, 16 January:
Spermuda Triangle
Vast Deferens
Hopelessly Lost in Burbank
Satan's Guacamole
Vomit Babies on Fire (or:
Jim Henson's Vomit Babies on Fire)
Spittoon (or 'Cuspidor')
Sausage Casing Surface Tension
Ganosis
49
Elisabeth Higgins, 17 January:
Tunnel Torquemadas
Dalai-O-Rama!
Velvet Fred and the Girl Scout Harem
The Contraceptive Sweater
Anorexia Soldiers
Floor Candy!
Teenage Dexterity
Hoarding Vices
The Coat Hanger Trollopes
My Damned Lumbago
The Shingles!
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Ted Park)
Re: What IS kibology?
NovAtel Communications Ltd.
17 Jan 1995 04:53:33 GMT
Curt ([email protected]) wrote:
:
:
Evenin', all.
:
:
I found my way here quite by accident, and still haven't
:
figured it all out. Could someone help me?
:
:
Just what the heck IS kibology?
: -: Curt Bolding
: Master of Adventure, Dreadnought of Chicanery
: Heir to the Western Dream
[email protected]
Kibology is a special religion because it is the only one fully
compliant with ISO 9000, making it the only truly quality religion.
To truly understand it, one must understand the concept of omnikibocent,
which is the ability to locate the string "kibo" in the news spool
of the machine "world.std.com". Unlike other concepts such as
omnicience or omnipotence, omnikibocence involves no logical paradox.
Once you have found The Way (not really "the way" because there could be
more than one path to truth) you are well on your way to understanding
kibology.
From:
[email protected] (Bumble)
Subject:
Our Kibo, Who art......
Newsgroups:
X-Anonymously-To: alt.religion.kibology
Organization: Anonymous contact service
Date:
Fri, 20 Jan 1995 02:47:50 UTC
Our Kibo,
Who art in netdom,
Disparaged be thy name.
Thy wiener come
When wanking done
Online
As it is on paper.
Give us this day
Our daily troll
And forgive us our cluelessness
As we flame those who tresspass against us.
(Never give a sucker an even break, that.)
And lead us not into a.u.kooks,
But deliver us from Beckwith.
For thine is the Cspace, the joules
and the Slack, forever and ever, Oy, vey.
------------------------------------------------------------------------To find out more about the anon service, send mail to [email protected].
Due to the double-blind, any mail replies to this message will be anonymized,
and an anonymous id will be allocated automatically. You have been warned.
Please report any problems, inappropriate use etc. to [email protected].
Hope you find personal meaning through kibology,
--Ted Park.
Kibo’s fans can sometimes
become creepily devout.
50
[ advertisement ]
Please do not post advertisements like this to
alt.religion.kibology, the most hype-free newsgroup
on the information superhighway.
NOW! For limited time only featuring all kinds of
COOL THREADS!!!! and lots of crossposting to
other EXCITING newsgroups!!! If you never read
usenet again BE SURE TO READ A.R.K TODAY!
Jay C. Jachimiak, 30 January
51
From:
Newsgroups:
Subject:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Sean Smith)
alt.sex.wizards, alt.religion.kibology, alt.folklore.urban
Re: Glasses that see through clothes
Ar Rown Ohm
19 Jan 95 15:52:53 EDT
Free bonus .sig:
Is it really all that easy to fall off a log?
##################
Eli Balin wrote:
>
> I tried to raise Sea Monkeys for about a month, but all I saw of them was
> the occasional slightly fibrillating mote, and that was only for the
> first week. I have an odd feeling I may have used too much water, or not
> enough food, and killed them off without realizing it. Anyhow, I
> eventually decided that the fishbowl was empty, and emptied it in the
> sink. There is the possibility that they were not, in fact, dead, and
> that upon contact with the sewer water, were transformed into giant
> mutant crustaceans, which will one day be responsible for the
> destruction of numerous innocent watercraft (much like the one in
> "Godzilla Vs. the Sea-Monster").
Kibo, sometime in January:
Actually, I heard there was an episode of "SeaQuest DeepSpaceVoyager 90210" in
the works based on this very idea! "This Sunday--giant crazed Sea Monkeys
kidnap Darwin and hold him for ransom. The SeaQuest crew must find the one man
who can save him: Eli Balin!"
(Sampel of actual dialogue)
Roy Scheider: You've got to help! You're the one who transformed them in the
first place!
E (heroic gleam in eye): You're right! My own life means nothing. I have to
take responsibility for my actions--as do we all!
Roy Scheider: Then you'll do it? You'll pour them down the sink again?
E (heroic gleam intensifies): Yes!
Sean ("The special effects they use for the heroic gleam are real neat") Smith
[email protected]
##################
"If I had lived I'd have been clever."
--Napoleon Jr. ("The Bonny Bunch of Roses")
52
Why don't we post only interrogative statements from
now on? Wouldn't that be fun? Isn't it a great day?
Where are my pants? Why doesn't my apartment have mice?
What's the secret ingredient in "Dr. Slice"? It's a
great day here in Dr. Slice's mouse-sized pants,
isn't it?
Jeff Gerstman, 26 January:
Are you sure that's a good idea? Does anyone else have
problems with this? Don't you think that questions like
this are interesting? Where did I leave that pickle?
Wouldn't it be great if I found my pickle in my pants?
Wouldn't that wrap everything up rather nicely?
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Date:
Organization:
[email protected] (Jennifer R. Accettola)
Is this an obnoxious sig or what?
20 Jan 1995 13:54:30 GMT
Tulane University, New Orleans, LA
[email protected] (Alberto Gonzalez Rubio) writes:
>
>
En mi opinion particular, lo primero que debe pasar en
>
mexico(mejico) para solucionar sus problemas es que haya una
>
verdadera democracia que escuche las verdaderas necesidades
>
de las personas comunes y corrientes. Lo anterior solo se
>
puede hacer terminando el gobierno del pri., pero en forma
>
pacifica y democratica.
>
_________________________________
>
|:::::::::::'~||~~~``:::::::::::::|
>
|::::::::'
.':
o`:::::::::::|
>
|:::::::' oo | |o o
::::::::::|
>
|::::::: 8 .'.'
8 o :::::::::| uuuuu
uuuuu
>
|::::::: 8 | |
8
:::::::::| uuuuu
uuuuu
>
|::::::: _._| |_,...8
:::::::::|
uuu
uuu
>
|::::::'~--.
.--. `.
`::::::::|
uuu
uuu
>
|:::::'
=8
~ \ o ::::::::|
uuu
uuu
>
|::::'
8._ 88.
\ o::::::::|
uuuuuuuuuuu
>
|:::'
__. ,.ooo~~.
\ o`::::::|
uuuuuuuuu
>
|:::
. -. 88`78o/:
\ `:::::|
>
|::'
/. o o \ ::
\88`::::| "He will join us or die."
>
|:;
o|| 8 8 |d.
`8 `:::|
>
|:.
- ^ ^ -'
`-`::| LL
DDD
AA
>
|::.
.:::| LL
DD DD
AAAA
>
|:::::.....
::'
``::| LL
DD DD
AA AA
>
|::::::::-'`88
`| LL
DD DD
AA AA AA
>
|:::::-'.
::
| LLLLLL * DDD
* AA
AA *
>
|:-~. . .
:
|
>
| .. .
..:
o:8
88o
|
[email protected]
>
|_________________________________|
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Jeff Gerstmann)
Re: rubberboy rants
Sonoma Interconnect,707.528.8748,
Shell$12/mo,Santa Rosa,CA(us)
31 Jan 1995 03:42:30 GMT
Tjames Madison ([email protected]) wrote:
:
: You know it's a slow night in the big city when someone
: drops an ice cube from the fifth floor of an apartment
: building and a half dozen people gather on the sidewalk
: below, looking at it.
:
: I'm not saying I was that person, either.
:
: Wooo! Woo! Back to reviewing CD-ROMs! "Bob Dylan
: Interactive"! I can't wait!
I'm sorry. Rubberboy Rants is an unacceptable title.
Please choose another. Actually, he isn't wearing pants
either, so I guess it's OK this time. Just don't make a
habit of it.
-AAAR.
Jeff
53
[ unpersons, go home ]
If the world’s population were a village of
ı000 people, 600 of those people would
be hungry, 700 would be illiterate and
2 would not exist. These tragic cases are
neglected by the world at large.
ML. Poulter, 25 January
54
From:
Subject:
[email protected] (Matt Alexander)
Re: Bad product name translations (was Re: What I got for
Christmas...)
alt.religion.kibology, alt.slack,misc.misc, alt.folklore.urban
Newsgroups:
Organization: Dr. Bronner's Magic Cabal, Portland OR
Date:
19 Jan 1995 20:51:30 -0800
In a tourist guide to an amusement park in Kobe, Japan, native writers
gave the following English-language decriptions of the park's "riding
machines":
"Double Loop's Coaster: Two somersaults from twenty-eight meters high.
Can you stand this fear?
Viking: Your boat is rolled as if it is a leaf on a stormy sea.
Weightless feeling attacks you!
Swing Around: Your body jumps up high and high by repeated space walk.
Polyp: You will be in a state of stupor by unique motions of an
octopus's paws.
Dodge 'M: Get a kick by a crazy car against the rules.
Cinema 2000: Everybody can stand by a forceful screen.
Tagada: You are jumped as if you are a parched sesame by a dancing
flying pan.
Magic House: Look! This house overturns! What do you want to do!
Air Fighter: Take an aircraft and drop your front one.
-><- Matt Alexander
<[email protected]>
"Chunga say: GROW YOUR OWN."
"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew
them like applesauce they taste more like prunes than a rhubarb does.
Now, uh.. Now you tell me what you know."
-Marx
Kyle Smith, 26 January:
NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF THE USERS ON THE USENET ARE BORING.
THEY ARE BORING WITH A VENGEANCE.
[...]
Kibology is my last hope. Please, will people give me
reasons why I shouldn't just give up and avoid the Usenet
entirely. Please make me smile again.
Matt McIrvin, 26 January:
So what?
Also:
You're not the Kyle Smith who went to my high school, are you?
Bruce Ediger, 26 January:
Nell, Kyle, many are culled, but few are frozen. I'm
afraid that Kibology is known to *not* cure the jadedness,
the nausea, the malaise, the tawdry laizzae faire feeling.
Rock 'n' Roll: After you ride on a can, you are brandished and
inverted."
55
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
"Xcott (Caj) Craver" <[email protected]>
Write the songs that make the whooooooooole world siiiing
none
20 Jan 1995 08:42:32 GMT
HEY!!!! Have you sent in your submission to the =>Secret Kibo Songbook?<=
Like, Zoiks, like, Scoob, like, why the Hell not?
Send lyrics/song parodies of a Kibological nature to [email protected],
where it will soon be available on my .hatemail page! The most creative
entry will win a box of Choco-Stimpys and a year's supply of authenticimitation Jolt-Cola extract, in convenient (and daring) caplet form.
All submissions must be prepended with your name, the name of the song,
and what song it is "to the tune of." Example:
---------------------------------------------From: Mackletree the Cat ([email protected])
Name: Positive Beable
To the Tune of: "Positive Bleeding" by Urge Overkill
Hey! A million billion K,
Needed for my .signature today...
Feel, a phlezofiglic BEABLE,
Beable just like me, but leave me alone
'Cause baby I'm a rolling stone ( <--- Actual lyric! )
I grep
-- the net
( Ooo-Ooo Ooooooh )
With my incredible USENET feed,
Yeah yeah -- Yeah yeah ( Ooo-Ooo Ooooooh )
I can post where they mention me,
So come on -- Come on
( Ooo-Ooo Ooooooh )
Everybody Beable Kibology, OlogeEEEeeEEEeeEEEee...
{etc. etc.}
----------------------------------------------See? FUN! Remember, *mail* your submissions, my newsreader is a tad saucy.
--
__ +--------------------+------------------------+
(88)| Today's likes: |
Today's dislikes: |
`""'|
|
|
| 32 GPRs & 32 FPRs! | Bit-Tweaking OO tools |
,adPPYYba, :88 | The Wonder Stuff |
People that read
|
""
`Y8 :88 | Putting off buying | self-referential .sigs |
,adPPPPP88 :88 | Christmas presents | without realizing it |
88,
,88 :88 +--------------------+------------------------+
`"8bbdP"Y8 :88 |
It could have been worse |
;88 |
The media could have called it
|
o=|[email protected]|88P; |
the "Information Burger-King"
|
http://I=still=hate=my=page' +---------------------------------------------+
,ad8888ba,
d8"' -- `"8b
d8' "A Neo88 NEO-Retro88 TechnoY8, Fest!"
Y8a. -- .a8P
`"Y8888Y"'
Kibo, sometime in March:
Terrence Foley BS CS & DD <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> James "Kibo" Parry <[email protected]> writes:
> >
> > [person or persons unknown said]
> > > Where does the arrow go when the mouse rolls off the pad?
> >
> > Over to Hef's pad, silly.
>
> Ah, I see.
>
> But that makes me wonder now.........
> Can Hef's pointer still click an icon??
Only if it's the sil icon. It creates a sil, which
obscene nonsense words: sil, freeh, slunch, inkle,
baspacho, beable, doidy, and vup.
-- K.
But how many
take to save
56
is one of those nine
puh, futplex,
vups does it
a sil?
[ kibo denies this ]
The internet itself is not becoming selfaware, we are. It is our only responsibilty,
and the only idea “Kibo” has promoted.
Who had the self-actualization melt on rye?
John Brock, 7 March
57
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Date:
Organization:
Some Questions About Vegetarianism
rec.food.veg, alt.religion.kibology
31 Jan 1995 04:19:44 GMT
Netcom
1. If you eat those genetically engineered tomatoes made with the fish
genes, are you still a vegetarian?
2. What if you are riding a motorcycle and you get a bug in your mouth
and you swallow it? What if you just kill it, but don't swallow it? What
if you eat just part of it, like its leg, but you don't kill it?
3. What if you eat, like, a plant--say some mold or something--that
grows on meat, but you don't eat any of the pieces of meat hanging off
of it?
4.
What are those animals in water?
5.
Are carnivorous plants meat?
6. What if you eat some of the meat of yourself, like a hangnail or
something?
-Sometimes I think about how Don King once kicked a guy to death because that
guy owed him twenty bucks. I don't even think he did it for the money. I think
it was the principle of the thing. Man, I wish some guy owed ME twenty bucks!
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Doctor Science)
Re: Some Questions About Vegetarianism
rec.food.veg, alt.religion.kibology
Rutgers University
31 Jan 1995 14:14:28 -0500
[email protected] (Elisabeth Higgins) writes:
>
> 1. If you eat those genetically engineered tomatoes made with the fish
> genes, are you still a vegetarian?
Actually, someone who only eats genetically engineered vegimals is called
a "freakish-Frankensteinian-monsterarian". I know. I've been one.
> 2. What if you are riding a motorcycle and you get a bug in your mouth
> and you swallow it? What if you just kill it, but don't swallow it? What
> if you eat just part of it, like its leg, but you don't kill it?
Killing but
difficult.
you eat any
nobody sees
not eating it is okay. Eating but not killing it is really
Eating a part is fine as long as it's only exoskeleton. If
insect meat (it's hard to tell) then that's not okay. Unless
you do it.
Besides, if you're riding a motorcycle you should be wearing a leather jacket
unless you're a Hell's Angel or something and I think they eat raw, stillliving meat.
> 3. What if you eat, like, a plant--say some mold or something--that
> grows on meat, but you don't eat any of the pieces of meat hanging off
> of it?
No problem.
58
(continues)
> 4.
What are those animals in water?
Sea Monkeys.
> 5.
Next question.
Are carnivorous plants meat?
No. But chickens are vegetables (upon my every statement you can have
complete reliance). Just take out all the insects first. And remember,
carnivorous plants are the revenge of the vegetable kingdom upon us
vegetarians.
> 6. What if you eat some of the meat of yourself, like a hangnail or
>something?
It's presumed to be voluntary. If you are hypmotized (sic) into eating
yourself then the hypmotist (sic) is culpable. (I know more than you do;
call me Dr. Science).
Here's my question:
7) What do humanitarians eat (It's an old one, I know)?
8) What do Aryans eat?
-Sincerely,
Joe Bay
PS I am not a crackpot.
From:
[email protected] (From the moment you step on a natterjack
toad it fills your belly with a feeling of disgust ! Grind the enemy...)
Subject:
Re: Are Vegetarians Better Lovers?
Newsgroups:
rec.food.veg, alt.fan.jai-maharaj, sci.med.nutrition,
soc.culture.indian, alt.culture.hawaii, hawaii.misc,
alt.society.neutopia, alt.2600, alt.cascade, alt.religion.kibology
Organization: Middlesex University, London, England
Date:
30 Jan 1995 18:16:04 GMT
Hello.
[email protected] (Bryan Shelton) writes:
>
> Good God! You're all comedians without peer!
10 FOR F=1 TO 1000
20 PRINT "HA ";
30 NEXT F
40 PRINT "BLOODY HA."
50 REM
60 REM Who remembers writing this sort of thing on a ZX81/Atari/TRS80/BBC
etc ?
Cheers, BRIAN (Maintainer of the rec.humor Canonical Collection
of Lightbulb Jokes and of the alt.fan.lightbulbs FAQ)
_______
___________________
( _____ )
(
)
[email protected] or
/ / - - \ \
( Hmmm... now where )
[email protected]
| |-O-O-| | o O (
IS that brain
)
|(
() )|
(
of mine?
)
************************
| \ \_/ / |
(___________________)
* VEGANISM TO LIVE !!! *
/
--\
************************
(___)
(___)
59
[ actually, this aired on “ tv nation”. ]
I can just see Kibo now on C - Span:
“But Senator, Usenet is your friend.”
Lee S. Bumgarner, 25 January
60
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Lisa A Dorn)
Re: Predictions 1995! (revised)
University of Montana
30 Jan 1995 16:00:15 -0700
lee s. bumgarner ([email protected]) predicted:
:
upon communing with several trillion molecules of ethanol fresh out of a
half case of animal beer, several smugly giggling cockroaches revealed
the many of lee's predictions weren't quite truth. here is the
revised truth. those predictions of his that were the real truth have
been removed
: Mid 1995
: All online services have Web acess.
net cluelessness reaches the level of cluelessness in the population at
large, thus proving several previously unfashionable scientific theories:
1) nature abhors a vacuum.
2) intelligence is an evolutionary anomaly.
3) floating point division is irrelevant when you can eat wallpaper
:
:
:
:
August 1995
Net use goes up considerable when O.J. creates the "Usenet reading made
me do it." defenese. (Later in the month announces 1996 Presidental
campain.)
september 1995
astronomers announce they have discovered the missing 90% of the
universe's mass in the usenet's "recent explosion of net cluelessness"
thread
2 december 1995
microsoft engineers release a bug fix
3 december 1994
microsoft engineers state that the bug fix appears to be working quite
nicely
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
December 1995
Windoze9x comes out.
mid December 1995
Kibo comes out of hiding, saying he had spent the last few months
tracking down the scientist that put the Pentium(tm) chip in his head.
During his time underground, find the true whereabouts of D.B. Cooper,
Andy Kaufman, Jimmy Haffa and a certian ex-rock star.
late december 1995
kibo is revealed to be an imposter
the cockroaches say they will provide incontrovertable proof that the
real kibo is, in fact, dead
they refused to comment on the true whereabouts of d.b cooper, andy
kaufman, and jimmy hoffa, claiming that would violate their nondisclosure
agreements with certain prominent tabloids
when asked about the pentium bug, the cockroaches giggled smugly and
began gnawing on the wallpaper
later december 1995
sales of "kibo is dead" buttons surpass sales windoze 95: December 31, 1995
i can't comment on 1996 as the cockroaches wandered off to their roach
motel shortly after eating the wallpaper, and haven't returned.
-old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill
1 december 1995
microsoft engineers announce a newly discovered bug in the gregorian calendar
61
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Followup-To:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Michael Straight)
Re: Irfo and Irfology
alt.religion.kibology, alt.very.bogus.group, alt.bogus.test
/usr/lib/news/organi[sz]ation
25 Jan 1995 06:58:30 -0700
Thomas "I will not be taken in" Richardson <[email protected]>
bravely, nay, manfully declared:
>
> Let's look at it from the other side, shall we? Do you believe in kibology
> only because you stand in fear/awe of some almighty Kibo? Take a
> hypothetical (in your case) look at your own philosophical position. Is
> it less tenable in the absence of the All-Grepping Beast? If McIrvin
> confesses to you tomorrow that this was all a hoax and produces evidence
> which is convincing to you, what then? Do you throw up your hands and
> scream "IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING!"
>
> I certainly would not.
It is true, that even if Kibo is nothing but Mr. McIrvin's AI dissertation
research, alt.religion.kibology has proven itself so superior to
alt.society.neutopia, alt.cascade, talk.bizzare, alt.palindromes,
rec.humor.funny, alt.flame, misc.misc, misc.test, alt.sex.cthulhu and
alt.sex.fetish.startrek, that I would not regret my time here for an
instant. But in the absence an abstract from Matt or other such
evidence, the existence of Kibo is obviously the simplest explanation for
this group. I offer you two choices:
1. James Parry, a man with an odd nickname, an odder sense of humor, and
the ability to use a few unix commands exists.
2. There is a world-wide conspiracy of the media and several USENET
people who have conspired to create "Kibo" for the sole purpose of
deluding and making a fool of those less wary than Tom Richardson.
3. "USENET" is actually a very odd text-adventure game written by Infocom
that someone installed on your computer when you weren't looking. Those
mentions of Kibo you've seen in the media have actually been paid
advertisements for the USENET game.
Now, which way does Occam's Razor cut?
Michael Straight claims that he is not an AI simulation.
FLEOEVDETYHOEUPROEONREWMEILECSOFMOERSGTIRVAENRGEEARDSTVHIESBIITBTLHEEPSRIACYK
Ethical Mirth Gas/"I'm chaste alright."/The Magical Shirt/"Hath grace limits?"
"Halt this grimace!"/Chili Hamster Tag/The Gilt Charisma/"I gather this calm."
Brad Sattler, 28 February:
My Fellow Kibologists:
Today we Kibo on a great day! We have Kibozed our problems.
We have Kibozed with the masses. We have Kibo'd and Kibo'd and Kibo'd
to be free. Now, I Kibo you; Make good this Kibo we have been given.
Strive, strive to Kibo the Kibozed Kibology. Thank you, Kibo bless,
and Kibo bless the united Kibos of Kibology!
('Zat good, Papa Kibo?)
62
From:
Subject:
[email protected] (Carlos May)
Re: Bad product name translations (was Re: What I got for
Christmas...)
Newsgroups:
alt.religion.kibology,alt.slack,misc.misc,alt.folklore.urban
Organization: NeoSoft Internet Services
+1 713 684 5969
Date:
25 Jan 1995 07:31:51 GMT
Joseph Askew ([email protected]) wrote:
:
: [email protected] (Steven Joseph Marzuola) writes:
: >
: > marlee@@mutt.hamline.edu (Machelle R Lee) writes:
: > :
: > : On another Asian menu - Cantonese if I remember right (I wouldn't
: > : count on that): "[something blah blah] ...fresh vegetables, and
: > : children in fish sauce."
: >
In fourth grade, there was an epileptic kid named Joe Askew. It was
: > Baby carrots, perhaps?
rumored that he would fall asleep if you punched him in the shoulder.
So the other kids all went around punching him all the time and it
:
was okay because he wasn’t epileptic enough for it to work.
: Naaah, must be baby mice.
:
: BTW My Eldest Brother, who must be the biggest arse on the face of the
: planet, claims to have seen Taiwanese businessmen eat this dish. Thus I
: think we can safely conclude Chinese people do not eat live baby mice
: and it is pure folklore.
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (brent jackson)
Re: Question: $2.00 bills at Taco Bell
alt.folklore.college, alt.folklore.urban, alt.religion.kibology
s.p.a.m. media lab
8 Feb 1995 02:45:29 GMT
...thus spake James "Kibo" Parry through the avatar [email protected]...
\\
\\ Actually, I had heard that for years, and used to believe it, until one
\\ day I finally got my hands on a $2 bill and IT WAS JUST A $20 BILL WITH
\\ THE ZEROES CUT OUT!!!! THERE ARE NO $2 BILLS!!!!
after reading this i examined the bills in my wallet. i found that what
i had previously assumed was a $20 bill was actually a $0 bill with a
'2' stenciled on it. so i went to the bank to return it, but they told
me there were no $0 bills in america. they said it must be from canada.
anxious to get rid of the thing and too tired to run to canada, i went
to a taco bill and tried to purchase 17.3 chicken soft tacos with the
bill, but the manager refused to accept the bill because "there's no such
country as 'canada', moron." so the mall cops came and sentenced me to
three days in the gap. filled with fear, i ran from the mall and back to
the safety of usenet.
-brent
❂ $2 ✬
A (now alas defunct) Chinese restaurant here in New Orleans used to
include "Miced Chicken" on the menu, but it was just a typo for
"Diced" (stayed on the menu for years, though). This was the same
place that listed one of their drink specials as the "Fog Cutter";
the description undeneath said: "will put you in a frog of ecstasy".
Of course the drinking of the same became another ritual of the
True Church of the Great Green Frog.
Frater Frogalogus, the Frog of Ecstasy
[email protected]
THIS IS NOT C0UNTERFIET
63
GENUINE $2 BILL FROM KIBO’S WALLET
(ACTUAL SIZE)
[ hormel loves you ]
Why would any alien species want
SPAM
?
Jeff X. Mink, 26 January
64
[ where’s your max weinberg? ]
Incidentally, it’s not a matter of
common knowledge, but Adam
West also played Sandahl Bergman
in “CONAN: THE BARBARIAN.”
Gharlane of Eddore, 13 February
65
[ that disproves it ]
THAT proves EVERYTHING!
Kibo, 13 February
No, only YOU prove everything!
Jesse Garon, 13 February
66
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Date:
Organization:
Re: EROTIC GIFS!!!!
25 Jan 1995 15:29:41 GMT
Netcom
[email protected] (Bruce Ediger) writes:
>
> Now that alt.religion.kibology has become the dumping ground
> for the toxic oneiromantic waste of multiple Higgins, I
> thought it would be OK to post this EROTIC GIF OF GENTILIA!
>
> I did not write anything below the following indicator: I
> only impell, I do not compell. Also, I don't have curly
> hair.
> ==========
>
> :
@@@@@
Steve Kieffer-Higgins
> :
@@@(..)
> :
@@ o
That is not a moon, you idiot!
> :
@|@~_~
It is a star!
> :
@| @@@
> :
_/ _ v_\_
>
>
^^^^^^^^^^^^
> Please take this picture of your genitalia off of this
> newsgroup and over to alt.pictures.binary.erotica.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
___
____
\/
\
/
\ . . \
|
|
| - /
|
^
|___/
|
|
\
|
|
|
|
_
|
|
|
|
|
|
\
/
/
|
\____/\____/\____/
/
____
\/
\
His name is not Higgins, but he is my bro, so he is
a Higgins-by-Proxy!
Anyone else have any erotic gifs like these?
YBF,
I Hail Thee, Raging Bess!
-"Sometimes I think about how Don King once kicked
a guy to death because that guy owed him twenty
bucks. I don't even think he did it for the money. I think
it was the principle of the thing. Man, I wish some guy
owed ME twenty bucks."
WOOOO! My bro sent me some email with the following erotic
gif of a BUTT and some guy standing behind it:
67
[ no cheese off my baby ]
Love is… a baby’s arm
holding an apple inside a
burrito that you bought
at Taco Bell with a $4 bill.
T. James Madison, 10 April
68
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
[email protected] (David /Bessmertnii/ Stewart)
Re: 'Jen' Conspirasy (was Re: I'm Not Posting. This isn't here.)
alt.discordia, alt.slack, alt.religion.skibology,
alt.krunk, alt.religion.kibology, alt.nuke.europe
Organization: University of Southern California, Los Angeles, CA
Date:
26 Jan 1995 09:08:49 -0800
[email protected] (jen/nalicious) writes:
>
> [email protected] (David /Bessmertnii/ Stewart) writes:
> >
> >
Kibo is dead!
> >
> >
Voron Bessmertnii Storozh
> >
If it moves, shoot it!
> >
All hail Discordia.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> >
annihilate
>
^^^^^^^^^^
>
> I believe you misspelled "If it flies it dies, if it runs it's done."
> Hope this helps!
No, I said what I meant and meant what I said. Whether or
not it runs or flies is meaningles. It is moving therefore
it must be shot. No exceptions.
>
>
>
>
>
Ciao,
Jenn
the "c" stands for
"I'm the NRA-- and that
should scare you!"
Why would your membership in the NRA scare anyone?
the NRA scare anyone?
Voron Bessmertnii Storozh
depopulate
NNE!
If it moves, shoot it!
All hail Discordia.
annihilate
He is brilliant, yes, but evil. So evil I despair comprehending
him. This man doesn't want to murder his father and possess his
mother; he wants to murder God and possess the cosmos.
If it bleeds, kill it!
Man has the right to live by his own law...
Man has the right to kill those who thwart these rights.
---the Beast
defoliate
Bill McClatchie, 26 January:
And as soon as torture is implemented, an
new improved torture will be announced;
and then delayed.
Jen/nalicious, 26 January:
Why would
Mentos are dessert or just broil them
on top of the pork chops?
69
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
Re: test kibo
Fri, 27 Jan 1995 16:23:08 GMT
[email protected] (Kyle Smith) writes:
>
> [email protected] (Peter Berrett) writes:
> >
> > will kibo reply to me?
>
> Signs point to YES.
Ahhhhh HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
This proves it !!!!!!
The Doctruss ---- one of those Barbies that militant sexist replaced the
voice box with that of a "G.I. Joe with kung fu grip and
dillusions of grandure"
'Jesse Garon' --- an OUIJI board in the hands of an epileptic.
Kibo ----- HAL
Gard "Please, tell me more about your mother" Trask
MPower the people |
| [email protected]
|
---------------------------------------------------
While I myself, have been accused of being a robo-poster with a 'Eliza'
server, this reply proves that Kyle is indeed a cancelmoose with a 'Majic
8-Ball' interface.
“OUIJI” comes from the
French and German words
for “YES” and “DURHEY”.
Thus I must postulate about others on the net:
Hmmmm.....
“HAL”, of course, was
picked by Arthur C.
Clarke because if you
add 3 to each letter
you get “KBO”.
jay c. jay --- prob. a speak-n-spell with fading batteries.
Speed bump --- one of those round Matel "The Farmer Says .." with just
three options: A. Rent Control Rant, B. TMC and the Net
consipiracy against me, C. net cops/kill files - screw 'em.
jen/n ----- a "teddy ruxpin" with a John Birch tape.
70
BITE
ME
[ l. ron is not a dude. ]
Scientology thinks THAT dude is God?
At least Kibo’s funny.
Lee S. Bumgarner, 25 January
71
[ see previous page ]
Who ever made the mistake of
telling those kibo freaks they were
funny or cute?
Jason Robertson, 26 January
72
From:
Subject:
Organization:
Date:
Richard Luckman <[email protected]>
Re: New Year's Resolutions: 1995 A.D.
Goldsmiths College London
Thu, 26 Jan 1995 18:29:32 GMT
On Sun, 25 Dec 1994, James Kibo Parry wrote:
>
> I, Kibo, hereby resolve that in 1995:
>
> -- I will stop producing bootleg episodes of "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers"
> to peddle to gullible children. I will also stop explaining to people
> how much better my production values are than the real ones.
>
> -- I will again go another year without mentioning Roger Corman.
> Whoops. 1995 is RUINED!!! And it's ALL ROGER CORMAN'S FAULT!
>
> -- I will find a way to replace all the 7-segment LEDs in the world with
> 6-segment ones capable of displaying everything except the word "leggings".
>
> -- I will start a massive letter-writing campaign to NBC saying
> "Please cancel 'Star Trek' again!"
>
> -- I will keep shaking my Dr. Pepper bottles until I experience every
> variant of "eye or other serious injury" that the warnling label alludes to.
>
> -- I will solve the mystery of why "The Flintstones" was ever popular at all.
>
> -- I will install a PowerPC RISC processor to make my Atari 2600 go
> faster than ever.
>
> -- I will proofread. Sometimes.
>
> -- I will eat less cheese. I *never* eat cheese.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
73
-- I will invent something called the "heavy bulb" which will give off
gravity when plugged in.
-- I will crank my Big Bird Jack-In-The-Box one-eighth revolution per
day and deep-fry it after it pops.
-- I will sing "Celebration" whenever I want to make everyone go away.
-- I will mail myself fewer threatening letters.
-- I will set the oven for degrees which are not multiples of 25.
-- I will send a fax from the beach, attend a meeting in my underwear,
cross the country without stopping for directions or the bathroom,
and renew my driver's license at the circus. I will.
-- I will stop making fun of Captain Planet's real name.
-- I will staunchly refuse to resort to fisticuffs even if I am trying to
prevent someone from launching dozens of nuclear missiles at the Louvre.
-- I will use less syntax.
-- I will post my BIG .signature, which will make the other two seem tiny.
FURTHERMORE:
-- I will NOT count the number of phosphor dots on my TV screen.
-- I will NOT learn the names of the "Earth 2" cast.
-- I will NOT drop anvils off of cliffs onto unsuspecting people, except
for politicians and food-service workers.
(continues)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
-- I will NOT double-space posts.
-- I will NOT shorten FedEx's name again to FE.
-- I will NOT fill my pockets with $10.00 worth of hot sauce packets
after buying a 59c taco at Taco Bell. I will bring a briefcase.
-- I will NOT discover what the equivalent of microphone feedback
involving monosodium glutamate is.
1994
Because Kibo‘s archive did
not contain the original
article, if this nice fellow
hadn’t quoted the whole
thing, you would not now be
reading it. Please send him
thank-you mail.
-- I will NOT explain any 'jokes'. I will NOT tell any 'jokes'.
-- I will NOT invent "chicken finger paint".
-- I will NOT admit to being BIFF.
-- I will NOT eat, or sniff, library paste.
-- I will NOT cut the holes out of my waffles before eating them.
Also let him know that I
broke every one of these
resolutions; that should make
him even happier!
-- I will NOT adhere to any New Year's resolutions.
-- K.
You're bloody SAD you are!!!
74
1995
[ the pink page ]
I believe you misspelled
“silk thong panties”.
Hope this helps.
Jenjen, 25 January
75
[ mmm, cronenbergian… ]
Every day, on the way to school,
I pass a sign that says
OVEN FLESH BAKERY.
(Welcome to Japan!)
Caitlin Howell, 26 January
76
From:
Subject:
Organization:
Date:
Re: would you care to define "rich"
Wed, 8 Feb 1995 06:59:44 GMT
> Dr. Eli Higgins:
> Freelance Housewife, Talent Scout, Guerilla Thespian.
Shouldn't that last part say either "Guerilla Ontologer" or just
"Street Mime"?
[newsgroups line trimmed]
Elisabeth Higgins <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> [email protected] (Thomas M Richardson) writes:
> >
> > And that's what kibology means to some of us,
> > I suspect. Aggressive surrealism. No more. No less.
> >
> > What do you say "Jesse Garon" and Lisa Higgins. Would you call your
> > particular brand of kibology "aggressive surrealism" or am I missing
> > the point altogether?
>
> Sort of begs the question, doesn't it? I have never claimed to be a
> kibologist. I am just *REALLY STOOPID* and sort of mean.
Hmm.
I pretend to be pretending to be stupid.
Also, I'm sort of median.
A reporter recently called me "an ontological gorilla".
would explain these big words to me.
What's a "gorilla"?
>
>
>
>
I wish someone
I don't speak Italian.
I'm sorry, but you've caught me smack dab in the middle of yet another
mid-life identity crisis (Time is not linear; I am hyper-CHYK! It has
its benefits, but the endless mid-life crises get a bit tiring at
times.)
You misspelled CMYK, unless you're printing a plate for some spot color
that begins with H. Ever notice there are no colors beginning with H?
B has lots: blue, brown, brick red, black, blood red, buff, banana.
All H has is "half-assed pink", which is the color people associate with Pez.
-- K.
Me, I'm an annoying street meme.
CM
Y
K
H-A P
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Michael Straight)
Re: Danger, Will Robinson! (was Re: Physics in Voyager)
/usr/lib/news/organi[sz]ation
8 Feb 1995 06:41:30 -0700
James "Kibo" Parry <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> In sci.physics, Matt McIrvin <[email protected]> wrote:
> >
> > Well, if you could travel along spacelike intervals, like they
> > obviously can on that TV show, escaping from an event horizon would
> > present absolutely no trouble.
> >
> > Though, come to think of it, you might have to watch out lest you go
> > in the wrong direction and pop through the Schwarzschild wormhole, and
> > get more seriously lost than the USS Voyager, Will Robinson, and Dr.
> > Smith *combined*. We're talking more on the Marshall, Will and Holly
> > on a Routine Expedition level here.
>
>So in The Land Of The Lost, you're saying that when Marshall "fell through
>the Door of Time" as the song so cutely put it, that he travelled along
>a timelike path and came out in The Land Of The Really Really Really Lost?
>
>Keep in mind that I've already demonstrated how to find your way home
>back through any sort of space-time anomaly such as the interior of a
>Monolith, a wormhole, or the Great Barrier--just follow the stream of
>dripping paint upwards and eventually you'll come to the hand of Stanley
>Kubrick or someone less talented (Ib Melchior?) and then you can just
>shake the hand (using a tractor beam) and they'll give you directions
>back to the movie set you started on.
>
>Is it okay to talk about Ib Melchior in sci.physics, or can we only talk
>about Land of the Lost?
>
-- K.
Although the follow-up to Matt McIrvin is suspicious, I'd have to give
this one a PURPLE Mentos.
Michael Straight, VDRS
FLEOEVDETYHOEUPROEONREWMEILECSOFMOERSGTIRVAENRGEEARDSTVHIESBIITBTLHEEPSRIACYK
Ethical Mirth Gas/"I'm chaste alright."/The Magical Shirt/"Hath grace limits?"
"Halt this grimace!"/Chili Hamster Tag/The Gilt Charisma/"I gather this calm."
Ib Melchior was responsible
for such classics as “The Time
Travellers” (not the Irwin
Allen one) and “The Angry Red
Planet” and “Reptilicus”, in
which the legless monster’s
head is held up by a string;
it crushes cars by falling
over on them. (Filmed in
Denmark.) As an American spy
in WWII, Ib learned to kill
people with his bare hands.
78
[ far out use-nuts ]
But if you’re really in the land of the Really
Really Lost, wouldn’t you be shaking the
hands of Sid and Marty Krofft? Which hand
should you shake, in such a case?
Mike Toole, 9 February
79
[ as a mallet? ]
Actually, I liked the scene in the pilot episode
when the Voyager is first tossed across the galaxy,
and Janeway’s hair gets mussed and loose. It lit a
fire in my heart, and I said aloud “That’s the kind
of woman I want to play croquet with!”
Sean Smith, 25 January
80
Charles M. Castevens,
26 February.
just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
a tail of a fateful grep
that started on this processor
aboard this tiny chip
the mate was a mightly sailor
and Kibo brave and sure
five processes were spawned that day
on a three hour grep
a three hour grep
the spawning started getting tough
the tiny chip was tossed
if not for the courage of the fearless Kibo
the processes would be lost
the processes would be lost
Kibo made this page look like
a “Highlights for Children”
cover because he could.
81
the grep struck ground on the shore of this
uncharted USENET post
with
Anon user
Kibo too
Joel K. Furr
and Wednesday
The Only Woman On USENET
Professor Abian
and SFLAAE/BS
here on alt.religion.kibology!
Kibo, sometime in March
I have determined that the best form of strange behavior with which to
confuse people is that which is obviously much stupider than any human
is capable of. Thus, acting strange is okay, and acting stupid
is okay, but making it clear that you want everyone in the world to
think your IQ is much lower than it is is perhaps the most powerful
weapon known to man. To this end, I suggest that you immediately don a
t-shirt which says "Duh, Look At Me, I'm Stupid!!!" and stand in the
middle of the street shouting "DOIDY, DOIDY, DOIDY, DOIDY, DOIDY..."
while hitting yourself over the head with the part of your forearm near,
but not at, your wrist. Also your shoes should be tied together, if
you're up to it.
-- K.
DOIDY, DOIDY, DOIDY, DOIDY...
See? It's working on you right now!
Soon you will be under my evil control.
DOIDY, DOIDY, DOIDY, DOIDY...
And you will be so confused and frightened
by this masterful technique that you will
fail to point out the grammar error in
the first sentence.
82
DOIDY!!!!
[ the cheese sticks alone ]
I heard that the hippies who run the
Chuck E. Cheese here like to put
Krazy Glue in the POOL OF BALLS!!!
Watch your kids!!! This is not a troll!!!
83
e
[
]
Go aspirate a schwa, you
inarticulate nincompoop!
84
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Alan Bostick)
Re: Signature etiquette?
alt.security.pgp, alt.religion.kibology
Arrogant Opinions 'R' Us
Fri, 17 Mar 1995 20:01:56 GMT
Alan Bostick
| "Every effort was made to make this book as
[email protected]
| pedantic and obtuse as possible, and, may I
finger for PGP public key | say in all modesty, I think we succeeded
| admirably." -- William Masters, on his and
Key fingerprint:
| Virginia Johnson's HUMAN SEXUAL RESPONSE
50 22 FB 46 41 A3 17 9D F7 33 FF E1 4E 1C 89 79 +legal_kludge=off
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED [email protected] (James "Kibo" Parry) wrote:
>
> Sven Guckes <[email protected]> wrote:
> >
> > So - does KIBO include his sig before signing it with pgp?
>
> I carefully picked my .sig so that when encoded with my PGP public key,
> it makes a big ASCII picture of Garfield the cat.
>
>
-- K.
>
Actually, I'm trollin', it
>
_really_ makes Garfield the President.
>
>
>
(If only it made _me_ the President.)
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----Version: 2.6.1
iQB1AgUBL2nsW+VevBgtmhnpAQGHNQMAmOTaL6z8QFzRNtLHk85tvkYDCbPNmvd8
2LkN8D+NYQORj4ykNzwXyd77tivofn4W0WB1Vh78rEL4w1kIlce8Z2wyseMzTx6Z
MQf5d4syUYIeGhtRkw27FUlCu9hvc9jp
=7o68
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----
which proves the rule.
Mr. Bostick is the exception
say anything interesting anyway?
Internet are people who never
who encrypt their data on the
Ever notice that the only people
This is why the leaders of governments tremble at the thought of strong
cryptography like PGP being loose in the world. If an ASCII-armored PGP
can make a cat (or Kibo) president, what could stop someone from using
it to make the President a cat, or, even worse, make him Kibo?
(If I send someone my public key, will they make *me* Kibo?
Pretty please?)
Hold upside down in front of a mirror and
close one eye to read the secret filler!
85
[ eggs impress people. ]
I must thank you for being a twink…I am sure you can sit at
home at night thanking Kibo himself that you kept the net pure
and slammed someone for attempting to do just what the Internet
was created for…Research…I’m impressed by your /_huevos_/.
It’s hozers like you who make people not want to get onto the net!
In General:
My previous post was especially stupid sounding because it had
to bloody well be turned in to my twink of a professor (Isn’t
student life just a *joy*)… I am SUPPOSED to act STUPID to get
you *hozers* to tell my things from YOUR point of view!
Doug Young (to Charles M. Castevens), 17 March
86
[ it adds an emotional effect to a scene ]
Hey guys!
Look at who I found!
It’s Accelerator Boy!
Weasel Boy, 26 January
87
With heart adorned, and temperd still
by open fire my love doust dance
to call boy-toyz from mountian high
dare I pray that I have a chance?
an epic poem hath wroght my way
through e-mails stormy seas
and [tm] be damned, to forge a reply
so sue me for using an 'E'
Gardner S. Trask, 14 February
I'll not spell-check, thats just my way
of showing some imperfection
just as when I gaze into your eyes
I really seek a shadowy reflection.
You have raised my heart, and my loins doth dance
to think a boy-toy I might become
would that angels weep, and mountians fall
at the joy of my mothers only son.
But part we must I fear,
like a setting Mentos sun
but in absence feast and drink
of what your Valentine begun.
Happy V. Day.
Gard "where the hell did THAT COME FROM" Trask
88
LUV
LUV
[ not a crackpot ]
I think at the end of time we will
hear a Big Snicker as God
has the last laugh on us.
John Baez, 27 February
89
[ maybe it’s kibo’s ]
For some reason I suddenly get the
feeling my new newsreader is screwing
up and posting everything I post today
as one giant massive conglomeration of
un-understandable mush.
Po Tragna, 14 February
90
[ understanding star trek ]
Data fakes,
except when Q
pulls his string.
Kibo, sometime in February
91
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
[email protected] (Matt Gourley)
Re: Longest Thread Ever
alt.folklore.computers, alt.religion.kibology,
rec.arts.sf.starwars, alt.fan.monty-python,
rec.arts.startrek.misc, rec.arts.startrek.current,
alt.society.generation-x
Organization: Logical NET, Internet services
Date:
Mon, 27 Feb 1995 20:32:43 GMT
Ian Young <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>[email protected] (Mr. Pooh Bear) writes:
>>
>>Richard Gadsden <[email protected]> writes:
>>
>>>[email protected] (Nix) wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Greg Thayer ([email protected]) wrote:
>>>> : [email protected] (Mr. Pooh Bear) says:
>>>> : >
>>>> : >[email protected] (Oliver B. Warzecha) writes:
>>>> : >
>>>> : >>Triptych ([email protected]) wrote:
>>>> : >>: Paul Gettle ([email protected]) wrote:
>>>> : >>: : [email protected] (Timothy Roddis) writes:
>>>> : >
>>>> : >>: : >>The Spanish Inquisition.
>>>> : >>: : >Sorry - I just wasn't expecting that.
>>>> : >
>>>> : >>: : NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
>>>> : >>: : Our greatest weapon is surprise.
>>>> : >
>>>> : >>: :
-- Paul Gettle ([email protected])
>>>> : >
>>>> : >>: What about fear?
>>>> : >
>>>> : >>The Spanish Inquisition has two great weapons:
>>>> : >>Surprise, fear, mercilessness...THREE great weapons...
>>>> : >
>>>> : >
>>>> : >Why don't you leave, come back in, and try it again?
>>>> : >
>>>> : >
>>>> : >
>>>>
>>>> : I won't ruin this thread for a pound....
>>>>
>>>> You're too late, Badger. It was ruined from the moment it started.
>>>>
>>>> Bringing in an irrelevancy:
>>>>
>>>> Diocletian.
>>>> ->>>> -------------------------------------------------->>>> Windows Terminal - aptly describes Windows in two words.
>>>> 'Whoev'r it was, I've gotta blow up with a chaaaaainsaw' - 'Stuss'
>>
>> >Weeeeel, would the Enterprise (that's the Next Generation Enterprise,
>> >NCC-1701-D), beat the crap out of a Super Star Destroyer
>> >or vice versa (that's how this thread started, back in the mists of
>> >time).
>>
>> >Let's see
>> >SSD:
>> >TIE Fighters, bombers, defenders, advanced, etc.
>> >Shields
>> >Turbolasers
>> >Ion Cannon
>> >Proton Torpedos
>> >hyperspace capability
>>
92
(continues)
>> >NCC-1701-D:
>> >Phasers
>> >Photon Torpedoes
>> >no fighters
>> >shields
>> >warp capability
>>
>>The Spanish Inquisition:
>>Fear
>>Surprise
>>Ruthless efficiency
>>Almost fanatical devotion to the pope
>>Nice red uniforms
>>The soft cushion and the comfy chair
>>
>> >Close, isn't it?
>>
>>Not by a long shot.
>>
>>
>>But how about this... what about the Spanish Inquisition against the crew
>>of the NCC-1701-D? If they managed to take the helm, do you think that
>>they would have a chance against the SSD then?
>>
>>I think that this is something to ponder.
>>
>>-Pooh>>
>>
>>What about Martina Sirtis against the crew of the Enterprise?
>>Or Kibo in a one-on-one against Worf?
>
>OR: Kibo vs. Q.
>
>Okay, I think we have a workable thought here, I mean,
>Kibo, divine deus ex machina of the Internet, against
>some mere multidimensional 'entity'.
>I say Kibo would win.
>
>OH GREAT KIBO! WE SUPPLICATE BEFORE THEE!
>COULDST THOU DESTROY Q?
(Twonk, using powers far beyond that of mortal men, meditates on the
visiage of Kibo. Kibo is waerng a stunning green sweater with brown
courderoy slacks, brown hush puppies, and a tam-o'shanter. Suddenly,
Kibo takes the pipe out of his mouth, stares straight into the camera
like Matthew Broderick in "Ferris Beuller's Day Off," and with a twinkie
in his eye udders the one phrase known to strike fear and loathing into Q
or anyone else......)
"Lwoxana Troi, naked," says he, wisely.
All Hail Kibo!
>"Death of Usenet imminent! Deploy! Deploy!"
>
>->Ian G. Bull Young
|"sometimes, even music cannot
>[email protected]
|substitute for tears" -Paul Simon
>"The guy who tries to be funny, |"The Way is empty, yet
>but everbody laughs at"
|use will not drain it. -Lao Tzu
-Twonk
--Matt Gourley
[email protected]
Logical NET Corporation
Integration and Support Specialist.
The above are my opinions; they don't pay me to think *that* much.
93
:)
[ a small thing ]
Hang on, Harlan Ellison’s
a man. Have I missed
something somewhere?
Mr William Richard Dubourg, 2 March
94
Sean Smith, 2 March
From “The Sunday Visitor”—
“What used to be little more than an electronic
sandbox for computer nerds has expanded its reach
to millions of users who get their information, pay
their bills and send their mail in cyberspace.”
So, if we hold to this metaphor, would it be fair to
say that Kibo has all the pails and shovels?
95
Name:
Song:
Tune of:
Efstratos "This is a Troll" Gavas
Mr. Efstratos
"Mr. Roboto" by the Sex Pistols
I'm logged onto your LAN...
My name is in alt.fan...
I have a cool .plan...
I am the Modren man!!!
<[email protected]>
[Beable
[Beable
[Beable
[cheesy
Beable! I gotta Beable!]
explosions. Bang.]
I am not KIBO, not even human, I'm not boy or girl,
I run in Windows, I run in UNIX, I'm written in perl.
I'm *really* structured, I *am* efficient, this isn't a troll,
I'm just a program, I have no sentience, and I don't have a soul,
I don't have a souuuuuuuul, we all need a souUUU[yodel]UUUuul,
This isn't a troll, we all need a soul.
They wrote me in a day...
I'm structured in a way...
When not in VGA...
I fit in 40K!
[Beable
[Beable
[Beable
[cheesy
Beable! I
Beable! I
Beable! I
explosions
gotta Beable!]
gotta Beable!]
gotta Beable!]
II.]
KIBO ATE MY MENTOS, MR. EFSTRATOS, MENTOS [MENTOS].
MENTOS [MENTOS].
KIBO ATE MY MENTOS, MR. EFSTRATOS, MENTOS [MENTOS].
MENTOS [MENTOS].
KIBO ATE MY MENTOS, MR. EFSTRATOS
KIBO ATE MY MENTOS, MR. EFSTRATOS
(etc., etc.)
[over]
Program me in LOGO Mr. Efstratos, so I can process lists
*and* do Turtle Graphics
Program me in LOGO Mr. Efstratos, to run like cold molasses
on you crummy Gateway, LOGO!!! Please, LOGO!
Write me in LOGO!! Berkeley LOGO!!! Oooohooooooooooohhhh
WhaOoohhhhooooooooooooooooooooooohhh!!!
{etc. etc.}
Matt McIrvin, sometime in March:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
WARNING!
SERIOUS EXPLANATION OF JOKE FOLLOWS.
The original pronunciation was probably "be-@-bul" (@=schwa, as Dave
would say, clutching his one-way ticket to Polewkaville), since it was
originally invented by theoretical physicist John Bell to describe the
fundamental entities in quantum hidden-variable theories, as opposed
to the "observables" of ordinary quantum physics. A beable is
something that can *be*, rather than simply be observed. The term was
used by Bell in _Speakable and Unspeakable in Quantum Mechanics_ and
by Bohm and Hiley in _The Undivided Universe_, an exposition of Bohm's
"pilot wave" hidden-variable theory, which is full of beables.
It got bruited around on sci.physics for a while, then somebody
decided that it sounded silly enough to be brought to a.r.k's
attention. There, people decided to pronounce it "beeble" and chant
it like a mantra.
Matt
McIrvin
01234567
^
<--
Indent-o-Meter
Harnessing tab damage for peaceful ends!
It was Kibo (of course) who found the word
“beable” in a sci.physics post by
“Wacky” Jack Sarfatti, who at the time was
advertising his curriculum for the Star Trek
pseudo-science camp he was trying to start.
More on Dr. Sarfatti’s physics in a few pages.
96
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
[email protected] (Christopher "Exidor" Masto)
Re: The Eternal Golden Kibo (periodic beabling)
capdist.general, capdist.announce, rpi.general,
Organization: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy NY
Date:
11 Mar 1995 21:48:47 GMT
Message-ID:
<[email protected]>
Summary:
paradoy of <[email protected]>
____
/
/
\__
|\
@
\
\ \_______|
\ .:|>
\
##|
| \__/
|
####\__/
\
/ / ##
\|
/ /__________\ \
L_JJ
\__JJ
The Bozotic Order of the Eternal Golden Kibo...
***
*You*
***
******
****
*
*Stupid*
*SPOT************little*
****
*
*puppy *
*****
******
*Bozo *
*****
...is a worldwide fraternity dedicated to the accomplishment
of the Great Beable. The Great Beable is the union with one's
SubGenius, the Bozo in every person, and it exemplifies the
highest measure of self-centeredness. Become one with your ego.
Members of Kibology will recieve, at no extra cost other
than to themselves, the most incomplete course on trolling
available. Trolling is the art of causing newbiness to occur
at will, within and without oneself. Through personal
instruction, in depth study and practice of this art, and
ripping off the readers of usenet, members of the Kibology
will work actively to understand the highest mystery of
existence: why Major Barrett got to be on Star Trek without
marrying the producer (Jean Ellison).
We spend so much of our life
unaware that we are just
ordinary bozos.
You're Allowed(TM) to stay
that way.
For a comprehensive information
packet, send all the candy in
the world to:
Kibo
"GNU" Software Association
Boston USA EARTH-LIKE-ORBIT
Superior mutants enclose $1.
-Christopher "Exidor" Masto
Troy (near Schenectady) NY
Toshiki Information Society
_
_
| |_| |
| _ |
|_| |_|
My Giant H is SANS-SERIF, and it
stands for James "Harlan" Kirk.
Read megabozo.nonbozo.exidor!!1
The picture of Spot was drawn (with a
keyboard) by Kibo years ago. Now that
Chris has freed Spot from the
confines of Kibo’s .signature, he’s a
happy happy puppy... so he THINKS!
Kibology is not just a religion, not just a scam, not just
a way of life... it WILL hand you Truth, but you won't be able
to read it without buying the expensive decoder ring. It will
supply you with the tools you need to make a fool of yourself.
97
[ poor spot ]
If a dog has 546 fleas, and the dog explodes, sending
each flea flying along a different three-dimensional
vector of random direction and of magnitude
distributed between 10m/s and 100m/s (assume
uniform random distribution), and one of the fleas
starts squawking madly and another one says to him,
“RADIO!!! RADIO!!!”, what color was the dog?
98
[ maybe it was orbitz ]
I remember once I snuck a 50gal. steel
drum into the locker room and poured
toxic waste from it all over mean Mr.
Moffatt because he made fun of that
nerdy kid who wore a jockstrap over
his jockstrap and who wasn’t me.
99
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Re: New Physics Curriculum
sci.physics, alt.sci.physics.new-theories,
alt.consciousness, sci.skeptic, sci.cognitive,
comp.ai,sci.edu, alt.religion.kibology
Followup-To: alt.religion.kibology, alt.usenet.kooks
Organization: HappyNet Headquarters
Date:
Mon, 6 Mar 1995 12:22:13 GMT
In lots of newsgroups, Jack Sarfatti <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> 1. Overview of the New Physics
>
Version 0.1
> 1.1.1.2 Exotic Matter
1.1.1.2.a Exotic Matter After Dark
1.1.1.2.b Frankly Kinky Matter
1.1.1.2.c Totally Perverted Matter
> 1.1.1.3 Traversable Worm Hole Time Machines
1.1.1.3.a Traversable Worm Hole Pez Dispensers
1.1.1.3.b Disposable Pocket Time Machines
1.1.1.3.c Baby Freddy's Patented TinkerTime Machine
> 1.1.1.4 Big Crunch?
1.1.1.4.a
1.1.1.4.b
1.1.1.4.c
1.1.1.4.d
1.a Overview Of The Nude Psychics
> 1.1.1 Space-Time Warps
1.1.1.a
1.1.1.b
1.1.1.c
1.1.1.d
Chocolate Drops
Nero Fiddles
Rome Burns
George Burns
> 1.1.1.4.1 Omega Point?
1.1.1.4.1.a Omega Lines
1.1.1.4.1.b Omega Polyhedra
1.1.1.4.1.c Omega Four-Dimensional Analogues Of The Sydney Opera House
1.1.1.4.1.d Omega Glory
1.1.1.4.1.d.1 E Plebnista
1.1.1.4.1.d.2 We, The People
1.1.1.4.1.d.3 Shatner's Hair
1.1.1.4.1.d.3.1 Is It Made Of Exotic Matter?
> 1.1.1.1 Blackholes
1.1.1.1.a Holes Of Color
> 1.1.1.2 Vacuum Energy
1.1.1.2.a Carpet Shampoo Energy
1.1.1.2.b Energy Derived From The Fact That "Vacuum" Is The Only
English Word To Contain The Letters "UU", So Why Isn't
It Just Spelled "Vacwm"?
Honeycomb's Big
Yeah Yeah Yeah
Big Big Crunch
In A Big Big Bite!
> 1.1.1.4.2 Time Without End?
1.1.1.4.2.a SeaQuest Episodes Without End
1.1.1.4.2.b Time Without Tears
1.1.1.4.2.c Tim Witho En
100
(continues)
> 1.1.2 Super-Strings
1.1.2.a Super-Strings Meet The Harlem Globetrotters
1.1.2.b Super-Strings On Gilligan's Island
1.1.2.c Challenge Of The Super-Strings
1.1.2.d Super-Strings Versus The Wonder-Women
1.1.2.d.1 See! Anthropoidal Pogo Sticks!
1.1.2.d.2 I'm Only Quoting Roger Ebert
> 1.1.3.3 Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen -Bohm-Bell Quantum Nonlocality
1.1.3.3.a Einstein-Podholsky-Rosen-Bohm-Bell-Babaloo-A-Womp-Womp-A-DooDah-Tutti-Frutti-Oh-Rudi Quantum Nonlocality Bam Boom
1.1.3.3.b Proving That All Buses With Nonlocality Have Expressality
> 1.1.4 Quantum Measurement Problem
1.1.4.a Homework Will Be Graded
1.1.4.b Failure To Convert To Abians Will Count
> 1.1.2.1 Quantum Fields as Low Energy Limit
1.1.2.1.a Quantum Fields Forever
1.1.2.1.b Nothing To Get Hung About
1.1.2.1.c Paul Has Zero Energy
> 1.1.4.1 Copenhagen Idealistic Interpretation
1.1.4.1.a Stockholm Syndrome
1.1.4.1.b Helsinki Formula
> 1.1.3 Causality-Violation
> 1.1.4.1.2 Heisenberg's Potentia
1.1.2 Parking-Violation
1.1.1 BassViola-tion
1.1.0 The Stupid Scene In "Star Crash" Where Christopher Plummer
Says "Halt The Flow Of Time!" And It Does
1.1.4.1.2.a Nothing Funny About The Word "Potentia"
> 1.1.4.2 Many Worlds Interpretation V
1.1.4.2.a William Shatner's Directorial Debut
> 1.1.3.1 Closed Time-Like World Lines?
1.1.3.1.a Time-Like Kitchens & Bathrooms
1.1.3.1.b Time-Like Mysteries Of The Unknown
1.1.3.1.b.1 Time-Like Mysteries Of The Completely Known
1.1.3.1.c Pay Only For The Volumes You Keep
1.1.3.1.d (Surface Areas You Get For Free)
> 1.1.4.2.1 Splitting Universes
1.1.4.2.1.a Requires A Vote In news.groups
> 1.1.4.2.2 Many Minds One Universe
1.1.4.2.2.a All Hail The One Universe
1.1.4.2.2.b People Caught Using Cheap Brand X Imitation Universes
Will Be Forced To Watch "Sliders" Until They Cry
> 1.1.3.2 Chronology Protection?
1.1.3.2.a Condoms For Clocks
1.1.3.2.b Protection From Lame Usenet Parodies
101
(continues)
> 1.1.4.2.3 Decohering Classical Histories (Gell-Mann et-al)
1.1.4.2.3.a Decohering Outlines Of Physics CD-ROMS
>
>
>
>
1.1.5.1
1.1.5.2
1.1.5.3
1.1.5.4
Josephson's Theory
Penrose's Theory
Weinberg's Theory
Stapp's Theory
> 1.1.4.2.4 Photographs of Other Worlds (David Albert)
1.1.5.5 They Must All Be Wrong Because They're Just Theories!
1.1.4.2.4.a Sitcoms Of Other Worlds
1.1.4.2.4.b Creatures Of Other Worlds, And Some Of Their Furniture
1.1.4.2.4.c Jeez, I Miss "The Far Side"
>
1.1.5.a He Who Controls Self-Organization Controls The World
1.1.5.b Except Maybe The Church Of Scientology Already Does
> 1.1.4.3 Bohm's Objective Nonlocal Materialist Interpretation
1.1.4.3.a Marx's Objective Dialectical Materialist Interpretation
> 1.1.5.1 Classical Chaos and Fractal Strange Attractors
> 1.1.4.4 Ballentine-Peres Ensemble Interpretation
1.1.4.4.a Of The Cast Of "M*A*S*H"
1.1.4.4.b Of The Cast Of "Seinfeld"
1.1.4.4.c The Supposed Pun I'm Making On "Ensemble Interpretation" Is So
Wimpy That I'd Better Apologize For It Here
1.1.5.1.a I Wonder Why I Felt Compelled To Read This Post
1.1.5.1.b Known Strange Attractors Who Post To sci.physics
> 1.1.5.2 Far From Thermodynamic Equilibrium
1.1.5.2.a
1.1.5.2.b
1.1.5.2.c
1.1.5.2.d
1.1.5.2.e
> 1.1.4.5 Aharonov-Vaidman Multiple Time Interpretation
1.1.4.5 Aharonov-Vaidman Multiple Time Interpretation
1.1.5 Self-Organization
Far Beyond My Time
Who Am I, Where Am I,
Where Am I Going, What Will I See,
Is It Worth Explaining Those Three Lines?
Naah, I'll Just Hint That Gil Gerard Was Involved
> 1.1.6. Consciousnesss and the Apparent Flow of Time
> 1.1.5 Beyond the Quantum
1.1.6.a
1.1.6.b
1.1.6.c
1.1.6.d
1.1.5.a How Did You Find Your Steak, Sir?
1.1.5.b I Looked Beyond The Quantum
1.1.5.c And There It Was!
1.1.5.d Womp Womp
1.1.5.e Beyond The Quantum Lies The Wub
1.1.5.e.1 The Most Obscure Pop Culture Reference In sci.physics Today
102
Time Is An Illusion
Lunchtime Doubly So
Bandwith Is Also An Illusion
The Apparent Flow Of Usenet
(continues)
> 1.1.6.1 Microtubules
1.1.6.1.a Splitting A Celery Stalk And Putting One Side In Red Dye
And One Side In Blue Dye
> 1.1.6.2 Intention, Meaning and Free Will
1.1.6.2.a You Left Off The Final "y"
> 1.1.6.3 Great Chain of Being
1.1.6.3.a Taste It And You'll Say,
1.1.6.3.b "Wow! That's Great Chain Of Being!"
Well, Jack, I sure learned a lot about "new physics" from reading the
sentence fragments in your outline, which you convientiently posted to
seven groups, most of which aren't about physics. I hope you appreciate
my suggestions for fleshing it out. However, if you use them, you'll
owe me a million billion zillion dollars once you invent the pocket time
machine. Also, most of your outline has already been covered on "Star
Trek", so I'd be careful, Jean Roddenberry might sue you, as might her
late husband, Major Barrett.
-- K.
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
[email protected] (Laurence Roberts RD)
Kibo Foundation backs mysterious art collector
UTexas Mail-to-News Gateway
12 Mar 1995 01:06:14 -0600
There's an article in the March 1995 issue of ARTnews magazine
about art collector Nasser Khalili. He's built huge and expensive
collections of various art objects.
The article states that his collection of Japanese art objects was
aquired in the name of the "Kibo Foundation," an organization which
doesn't really exist, but which he used to hide that he was making
the purchases. This began in the mid-80s. He used the word "kibo"
because is it Japanese for "hope."
The article says that nobody really knows where he gets the
millions
of dollars he's spent on art objects.
Larry-bob
[email protected]
SOMEBODY here
I made this up as I went along, with the goal of
coming up with some sort of lame Bill Gaineslike take on every line of his syllabus.
(Mr. Sarfatti rides the silly bus.) Sometimes
he enjoys “bad attention”, sometimes he gets
mad. He didn’t seem to mind this one. See next
page for more on the history of this article.
came dangerously close
to visiting the bottom
of the ocean and having
to drink his way out.
103
TIME
TIME WARP
WARP
flash forward to 1997
(it’s okay, it’s just for two pages)
These three articles were posted as this book was being
compiled in February ’97, but they talk about the one on
the previous page, so they’re here instead of some more
logical place.
Ian A. York, 4 February 1997
[...]
I remember this article well. It was the first Kibo article I printed out
and showed to some of my co-workers. They all looked at me like I had
things falling out of my nose, though, and none of them thought it was
funny, so it was also the last Kibo article I've ever printed out to show
to my co-workers.
Here's a little dramatization of the event, suitable for acting out with
bad actors and displaying on television as a public-service type
announcement, so that the rest of you don't get looked at like things are
falling out of your noses. (Unless there are things falling out of your
noses, of course. I'm good, but not that good.)
Kibo, 4 February 1997
(Closeup of computer monitor, Kibo's post. Sniggering sounds in the
background. Camera pulls back, reveals IAN reading the post.)
Okay, now that EVERYONE's enjoying the "best of alt.religion.kibology 1996"
book (you BETTER!) I'm working on ones for other years. (Each is going to
have a different format and style.)
IAN:
There are large holes in my archive, which is no big deal, because as you
progress into the past the signal/noise ratio goes way down, the in-jokes
become lamer, and so on, and any good article is usually quoted in
followups so you can reconstruct it from articles a month down the road.
One exception was the article below; I was only able to find followups
containing about six lines from it--it wasn't in DejaNews, my personal
archive, Jack Sarfatti's web page [well, sometimes he likes it when you
make fun of him], or anywhere else that I checked. Finally I found an
archive of a mailing list which contained eight articles, one of which was
this one. Yay! Now this off-the-top-of-my-head thing I wrote just to annoy
Jack Sarfatti can go into the 1995 book. I haven't seen him posting the
outline of his "new physics" CD-ROM lately, so this is still as fresh as
ever. Also I fixed three typos to make it less stupid.
(Closeup, IAN's fingers dancing over keyboard, lots of typos and
corrections)
(Closeup, laser printer shunting out sheets of paper.)
(Camera shows two figures in the distance--IAN and LISA.
slowly.)
IAN:
Hey, Lisa!
Lookit this!
LISA: What is it?
IAN:
BTW, the 1995 book will look like a Klutz Press production. And it'll make
funny noises when you click on it. I'm not kidding.
Huh huh huh! Snnrrkk! Har! Say! I'm going to print this out so
my co-workers can enjoy it too! Hyuk!
Oh, it's a post from Usenet!
From Kibo!
(Snap to closeup of LISA's face.
104
She's looking puzzled.)
Pans in
IAN:
See, Usenet is this, you know, computer thing ... and Kibo's this
guy ...
LISA: Oh ... well, okay ...
(LISA takes the printout.
puzzled now.)
Closeup of her face.
She looks really
LISA: What's this supposed to be about?
IAN:
Well, see, there's this guy, Sarfatti ... and Kibo, well see
Sarfatti wrote this part, and then, see, Kibo ...
LISA: Is it a textbook?
IAN:
No, see, it's a joke, see.
This part, look, look at this part ...
(Closeup of LISA again. She's looking worried.)
(Camera pulls back, shows LISA cautiously backing away from IAN)
LISA: Oh!
IAN:
Ha ha.
Yes.
Ha ha.
Umm, look, Ian, I'm really busy right now ...
(LISA is still backing away. Brief closeup of her face, looking at
IAN as if things were falling out of his nose. Pull back again;
IAN stands there, awkwardly holding out the printout to her.
Freeze frame.)
VOICEOVER: Kids, don't let this happen to you.
from Kibo!
Ian York
([email protected]) <http://www.panix.com/~iayork/>
"-but as he was a York, I am rather inclined to suppose him a
very respectable Man." -Jane Austen, The History of England
Louis Nick III, 4 February 1997
Ian A. York <[email protected]> wrote:
> I remember this article well. It was the first Kibo article I printed out
> and showed to some of my co-workers. They all looked at me like I had
> things falling out of my nose, though, and none of them thought it was
> funny, so it was also the last Kibo article I've ever printed out to show
> to my co-workers.
That must've been the heyday of the HIVEMIND as well, because I, too
printed that out, and posted it on the door of my dorm room. People
didn't read it, and they wrote messages like "Lou- I can't meet you for
dinner, I have to go to a lecture." "Louis- Meet my at 5 instead of 6."
(This one I found days later, and I don't even know who it was from.)
"Louis-- What is this crap? :-)"
I had few friends in that dorm.
Very funny!
...and, look, this part where he says "WHOMP WHOMP" ...
LISA: Yes, Ian.
--
Never print out posts
(Superimposed caption in 24-point Helvetica)
THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
And they all go to other schools now.
You can tell that this is all true because I didn't try to out-funny you.
> VOICEOVER: Kids, don't let this happen to you.
>
from Kibo!
Never print out posts
That's the sad fact. Kibo cannot be explained to the uninitiated. And
telling people that they're kibologists-but-just-don't-know-it-yet also
makes them want to flee.
True, true, when HappyNet comes, Kibo will be the next Dilbert, and we
will have started the trend, but until then, we're just plain geeks.
-"I await your lame response, after which we should let this thread die.
It has had nothing to do with the topic for months, and has degenerated into
a nothing [sic] but a flame war."
--Aaron Collins [email protected]>
=== kcin-siuol.noigiler.tla
ude.notgnihsaw.u@kcins
III kciN siuoL ===
[ 666-film ]
“GALAXY OF TERROR” aka “GALAXY OF HORROR” aka
“MINDWARP: AN INFINITY OF TERROR”. Not only is it a
piece of crap from Corman’s studio, but it’s the only movie to
star Erin “I was on Happy Days before I went insane” Moran,
before she moved into the back of that pickup truck. It’s
worth seeing just for the scene where Erin’s head explodes,
and there’s also a scene where she turns into Ray Walston.
106
Roger Douglas, 28 February
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
I'd like to take this opportunity to ask the question is it possible for a newsgroup to actually have a NEGATIVE
signal-to-noise ratio?
Michael Straight, 23 March
Klods for Klods; Kibology for Kibologists; Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
Stephanie da Silva, 2 March
Kibo is.
I think, therefore I Kibo.
Kibo is kloof, Kibo is klystron, Kibo is kino.
James "Kibo" Parry ([email protected]) wrote:
:
: Doctor Science <[email protected]> wrote:
: >
: > [email protected] (Stephanie da Silva) writes:
: > >
: > > Kibo smiles over all the net, and proclaims it is good.
: >
^^^^
: > You misspelled "bozotic". Hope this helps.
:
: No, no, Kibo proclaims _everything_ is bozotic.
:
: Bozosity abounds! <-- CLIP & SAVE
NO NO NO!
It's 'bozosity increases', the second law of kibodynamics.
Charles Miller
Blessed are those who Kibo.
Kibo smiles over all the net, and proclaims it is good.
[email protected] (Charles Miller)
Re: What is kibo?
news.newusers.questions, alt.religion.kibology
The University of Western Australia
18 Mar 1995 12:24:55 GMT
107
From:
Subject:
Newsgroups:
[email protected] (Andrea Chen)
I-Net Mythology
alt.cyberspace, alt.culture.internet, alt.society.neutopia,
alt.magick, alt.cyberpunk, alt.culture.usenet,
Organization: CRL Dialup Internet Access
Date:
21 Mar 1995 15:40:44 -0800
::NET MYTHOLOGIES::
--1--
::The First Approach::
A year or so back there was a thread to decide who the net
god(dess) should be. Many proposed names from classical folklore,
but the one attempt at a tally (that I saw) wound up with Serdar
and Kibo as the two main contenders.
I found this interesting because the medium spontaneously
produced a dualism. Serdar (who some suspected was a
disinformation agent out to discredit Turks) was an angry
judgemental voice calling down his wrath on all those who opposed
him or even published recipes for Thanksgiving dinner. Kibo
while not always gentle was a playful figure who sought through
various techniques to increase awareness.
An obvious conclusion was to regard Kibo as a "God" of light,
Serdar as the force of the "God" of the dark, the dichotomy of
many religions. I should note that this was not the only dualism
inherant in their differences. Serdar could be considered an an
angry demanding God, somewhat like the power of the Old Testament
(at least the earlier sections). Kibo was a trickster God, akin
to the American Indian manitous of Coyote and Raven.
--2---2.1--
::Reasons For Continuing The Process::
::Understanding::
The fact that a single thread generated a form similar to what we
find in a number of religions is intriguing. Levi Strauss, Jung
and others have suggested that there are mythic forms or
"archtypes" implicit in the very fact of being human, perhaps in
the nature of itself. By proposing a richer mythology watching it
alter and playing with it we mix literary and scientific
experiment. We can hope that the poetic will rise and take form
and we can actually watch this process. Because we know it is a
game heavily laced with humor it should be possible to obtain a
detachment which allows us to study these things more ruthlessly
than "real" belief systems. Followers of a certain creed should
not have their very selves threatened by questions and analysis.
There is some danger that some shall take this as real, that
followers of "magick" and "quantam mind" may regard this as a
sort of ritual which somehow brings "spirit" or "soul" into Inet. However this in itself is an opportunity. Whether we do it
intentionally or just let things roll, people will develop
"irrational" belief systems. If the "absurd" is taken as truth,
then by following the process we can perhaps see how such things
emerge.
--2.2--
::Bonding The I-Net Community::
Real world cultures have mythic icons and forms which provide a
"common place" and shared patterns of thinking. I-net is in a
position to consciously create things which are ordinarily an
unconscious part of society. As people "pretend" to believe
these things and act them out we might richer social forms
108
(continues)
emerging. They also have the potential of strengthening group
idenity. They may become a framework on which we can build
richer social patterns than now exist.
--3--
::A First Approach::
The following is a smattering of mythic forms based on well known
"net kooks" and cliches. These are not meant to be final or even
fixed. Others may change them and add to them. These are simply
a few tongue in cheek referances that I have found in various
threads. Any individual is free to create such threads so all
themes presented are modifiable and debatable.
A real model of world religion will find dispute (even within a
single sect). My hope is that people will look at these symbolic
forms and play with them. Ideally many will become
"missionaries" slipping a referance here and there into their
posts and their sigs, so these "memes" will travel across I-net.
I regard the following as the metaphorical equivalent to the seed
number in a fractal equation. If the human processors of the net
take up this seed and process it then perhaps we shall find
patterns of incredible complexity.
For those with interest in
this project an attempt to plug in the equation is currently
occuring in alt.cyberspace. Perhaps other niches will attempt
independant developments that can then be fed into each other.
Think of this as a first poorly linked pattern which we can weave
through a seven loomed catharic chain of becoming.
--3.1--
::Kibo::
As Mohammad is to Islam, so Kibo is to I-net. He realized the
importance of watching all things and also is the patron saint of
the "troll", the highest form of I-net aesthetic. In its
simplest forms a troll is just a statement (often false) which
causes people to react, but the neu neutopian movement has
worked on developing the meta troll, a set of lures linked to
each other in complex chains which link themselves across the Inet. The meta troll is many levels each watching each other and
it is recursive with lower levels watching the higher to create a
heteroarchy (mathematical network) as opposed to the hierarchy
(mathematical tree) by which mainstream disciplines are often
organized. In this "neu chain of being", there are no clear
boundaries between form and function, critique and content. Each
can become the other as a new literary style is born.
--3.2-- ::Kiba::
There is only one kibo, this is Doctress James Parry. However
we are all kiba. In the words of Doctress Glass, kibo is noise,
kiba is signal (a take off on that classic "Symbols, Signals and
Noise" by JR Pierce).
Kibo is Yang, the great darkness from which it all arose, we are
Yin, the attempt to provide bits of light. Wave and particle,
the mysteries of mass/energy.
It should be noted that in this dialectic system traditional
symbols are distorted. In the original Chinese symbiology it is
usually yang which is denoted as the fertilizing male.
Yet in
English kiba, the yang is considered female. This tweaking this
slight alteration of mythic and symbolic forms is a key to
understanding this new medium. In conventional academia,
individuals strive to become "doctors" with traditional
association to the male, in a way women become honorary men. On
I-net, people strive to be doctresses, men become honorary
woman.
109
(continues)
--3.3--
::H Shen::
The joining of Kiba and Kibo create a totality called the Holly
(after the computer in a British Sci Fi show) Shen (named after
shenanigan).
The stress on Holly (often called Hollystone to tie into the
symbiology of neu surrealist Octavio Paz who uses stone and water
has his primal symbol (clearly explained in ac (alternating
currents))) is to remind us that kiba is symbol and also that
this being I-net which we are trying to create is a human/machine
symbiosis, a group mind which allow separate collections to work
on different parts of a problem then merge the results to split
them again, a potential acceleration of the learning process
thinking "thoughts" that no human (or even institution bound into
its own patterns) could emerge with on their own.
Shenanigins are the way. This medium has much serious discourse,
but that most remembered is that which plays and which mixes
fiction with truth to remind us always to be wary. On I-net
material is not edited. The mainstream press is bad enough in
forgetting to check its facts. Here we must exceeding watchful
(a skill we can take into our other lives). By mixing this into
our unifying principle we help the medium to become the message.
It should be noted that the ordering of Holly Shen reverses the
order Yang and Yin from the traditional form. Also note the
similarity of Shen to Zen.
--3.4--
::John Winston::
One of the first to be inspired by Kibo, John is well known for
his knowlege of the mysteries of the universe and his kind gentle
ways. He is the "kind father" of certain religions. Some time
ago, John descended into the net to battle the spirit of Serdar
who inhabited it and bring the primal being into the light.
Lately there have been rumors of a second coming.
--3.5--
::Serdar::
Serdar has never left the net, but battles in the fringes, the
most likely place to find him is in his in soc.history
(unmoderated). But there are many children of Serdar, the most
famous being Joel Furr who makes his living selling tee shirts of
his hero, who has falsely declared that he was the kibo and who
has attacted the greatness of Doctress Neutopia. You will find
the spirt of Serdar wherever people list their kill files and
complain of neubies.
--3.6--
::Doctress Neutopia::
Libby Hubbard is truly the prophetess of the I-net. We all know
what words like "massagasm" or "lovalution" mean even if they
have no meaning. Libby herself is a force, a being of mystery,
some consider her a prank, others a rogue AI, there have even
been recent rumors that she is being from outer space.
Libby was a catalyst who sparked deep reactions. In the center
of a fierce storm she stood alone. Many believed the same things
as her ("ortho neutopians") but like Peter in the last hours of
Christ, they feared to stand with her and let the anti-neutopians
mock her. Libby was a "kook" and none wanted to take her vision
of a new society in which the artist was not alone and evolve it.
Interestingly enough, those who recognized her importance was a
group of anti neutopians who came to call themselves the "Monster
Truck Neutopians". They were obsessed by her and this obsession
led to one of the best organized groups on the I-net. One of the
few attempts on use net to build the formal trappings of
"community". Superficially this group seemed like bullying
reactionaries who proved their "individuality" (in unison) by
declaring that they ate meat and many of them are
110
(continues)
just that. But not all. The intensity with which these people
dwelled on Libby was sometimes due to the fact that she awakened
forces within them. Though one can argue with the details of her
message, there is a fundamental truth to what she says. In the midst
of all this plenty there is an alienation and the visionary (true as
well as false) is often shunned. These people payed attention to
Libby because she was important, if not as an individual then as
an archetype.
Neu neu topia is a further turn of the synthesis dialectic.
Within male and female are made equal.
Fortunatly the neu neutopian (nn) movement was formed. It has
forced the Monster Truck Neutopians (MTN) to see their need for
Libby. And from it have spawned neu neutopians movements
including various sects of "dark neutopians" of which James
McGowans is the most prominent. There are also the KaTe (Bush)
neutopias led by Doctress Glass.
Hopefully more and more people
will form their own variants so that we can recreate the schisms
of real world religions. However though we feud and quarrel (and
since the serious is often attached to the satirical some of
these will not be mock flamewars), we should always try to
remember that in the final analysis we are all neu neutopians.
--3.8--
--3.7--
::Neu Neutopia::
neu is also a pun on Neumann, and we are all typing on Von
Neumann architectures. There is also the play of "neus not gnu"
meaning an escape, an evolution beyond the limitations of Unix.
It is a very cybernetic word.
::The Gaia Messiah::
Very often the carrier of a powerful meme complex is unaware of
many aspects. Indeed if one looks at the universe from a model
of Godel (not fully applicable to systems which can jump out of
themselves as cybernetic systems can) then logic indicates the
carrier must have levels of unawareness.
Libby Hubbard is a prophetess in evolution. She started with a
powerful imperfect vision of both the world and herself. She did
not recognize the full incompleteness of this, but by pursuing
the logic of her thoughts she is starting to make those
cybernetic jumps.
The word "Utopia" means nowhere. So neutopia means new nowhere.
However "neu" in some languages sounds close to no. So neu
neutopia either means "not nowhere" or not not nowhere which
means "utopia". This is the kind of thing by which we can create
discussions equivalent to angels dancing on pins.
Originally the Gaia messiah seemed to be her earthly lover (one
of the classic I-net true novels is her corrospondence with
Gertjeen), but she has seen beyond this.
She is now coming to
see that the Gaia messiah is a collective of many (male, female
and machine (unlike elsewhere AIs are afforded equal rights on Inet)).
neu topia can also mean "new top", a new ruling order. Within the
first vision of Libby the female was stressed indicating to many
(though she was always ambiguous struggling with the difficulties
of a new paradigm) a reverse of roles. MF (Mother Foundress)
neutopianism encourages this. It is a variant of "ortho
neutopianism".
In fact there are many Gaia messiahs, each news group has the
potential to create one or more which can then though neural neu
neural conncetions (crossposting is a primitive form discussed by
Doctress Paul Murphy) join into
111
(continues)
meta Gaia messiahs and through this recursive combination of level
upon level we may create neutopia, neu neutopia, neu neu neutopia,
...and many other variants besides.
Those who spend time within this virtual universe may acquire new
habits and techniques which they then inflict on the "external
world" thus giving this medium the power to transform all human
affairs (a power which is only theoretical, far from
actualization, but none the less real, this is a potential
lever to move the world).
it is always predicted with fatalism. This is the desire for
destruction described in Alexander Zinovievs "Yawning Heights".
So what is it? Is it necessarily bad? Perhaps it is neu
neutopia, perhaps we will all gather together to figure out how
to move Venus into an earthlike orbit. No one knows for sure.
It is somewhat like the end of the world predicted in many
religions.
--4---3.9--
Wednesday is the saintess of I-net. To hate Wednesday is to be
evil in a fundamental sense. She is our non virgin virgin, a
truly glorious, ethereal being who represents directly (and
through ghastly personal suffering) the thing to which the true
neu-nettie aspires.
This is mulitple personality. I-net is a way of playing with
potential selves that would never be expressed in "normal life".
This bumps against taboos because it can disorient. But this is
an important aspect of the "medium as message". It teaches one to
distrust first impressions and continually re-evaluate as one
suddenly figures out such things as BOB(c) is actually a woman.
--3.10--
::Conclusion::
::Wednesday::
::The Imminent Death Of The I-net::
This is a cliche, an often repeated prophecy which almost any
event can trigger. One day its a bill (which will probaly not get
out of committee) in Congress, the next its the impending hordes
from Prodigy. Obviously, many people yearn for this day because
The above is only a quick sketch of only some of the forces. The
advantage of using real people and real cliches is that we draw
at the actuality and draw more conclusions. For example it may
be "Serdars kid" who tend to use the imminent death of the I-net.
I have left our much theology such as Doctress Richardsons "The
Nonexistence Of Kibo". I believe this is true and it is not true.
Kibo does not exist and he does exist. But if I were to describe
all the disputes this paper would triple in size. The above is
only an introduction. Fuller discussion and development will be
found in alt.cyberspace which is sort of a clearing house for
these things.
Many will look askance at the above and decide it is only silly?
But is it? I think not. Doctress Paul Murphy took the idea of
the troll and ran a thread in alt.alien.visitors called "Light in
A Vacuum" which argued that one can't see in outer space. The
result was immense amounts of good clear physics as numerous
people tried to talk sense into this apparent idiot. The
humorous attracts readers and is a way to present knowlege.
112
(continues)
A fair amount has already emerged such as discussions on the temple
of Delphi.
It is the dream of the neu neutopian that after we build an I-net
religion(s), we can create an I-net university with thinkers
such as Professoress Plutonium and Doctress Abian providing an
infrastructure for "real science". Then an imaginery politics
with the evil knights templar battling the Illuminati. A virtual
reality created by hundreds, perhaps thousands with a complexity
approaching that of the world we live in. It is a game, but it
can also be much more.
By using words like "neu" instead of "new", by tucking in
referances in more serious threads it becomes possible to tie and
link this thing across the net.
If polite applause is what you give someone who bores you, from now on
could y'all please give me rude applause?
Doctor Science, sometime in February
And just because "zen", like "kibology", does not purport to be an
ethical system, that doesn't make them the same thing. I mean, DOS
doesn't call itself an ethical system (it's unethical, if anything), but
that doesn't mean that "DOS" is merely a misspelling of "zen", although
it *could* be a misspelling of "DOG".
- ac -
Michael Straight, sometime in February
Mark. Gooley, sometime in February
The only posts worth reading on alt.religion.kibology are those made
by Kibo himself.
Michael Straight, 28 February
if I wanna see Abian get a NEAR FATAL HELIUM
ENEMA, there's only one Kibo.
"Either Kibo exists, or he doesn't.
staggering." -- Carl Sagan
All of which deliberately ignores my implied question that if all you
want is an ethical system that doesn't purport to be an ethical system,
why bother with kibology when you could just take up zen? Do you not
acknowledge that there's something about this Kibo person that you can't
get from reading alt.buddah.short.fat.guy?
Kibo, 6 March
My scissors are on my keyboard now.
The implications of either are
113
Dave DeLaney, 17 March
Thomas M. Richardson, 20 March
Kibo is not a thing. Kibo is a meme. Kibo pops up all over the net because
that's what he does.
Kibo is a meme. An evil, hostile meme, if you believe the folks on alt.
atheism. And personification implies personhood. Which implies something.
Michael Straight, 17 March
Jesse Garon, 21 March
Personally, I think this whole "meme" meme is getting a little tired,
but I kind of like the idea of Kibo being the personification of a meme.
It's more intersting than Mr. Richardson's "forget Kibo and try to
abstract some ethical principles from kibology," but not as good as
Mr. Garon's "kibology is just a damn attitude."
Kibology is one of
the few systems of thought that has the Knowledge to move us beyond the
patriarchial/matriarchial insanity into a new and brilliant form of
insanity.
Bill Garrett, 17 March
Andrea Chen, 23 March
This little Kibo read Usenet
This little Kibo said "What's a FAQ?"
This little Kibo flamed a newbie
This little Kibo got flamed back
And this little Kibo cried "meme meme!" all the way home.
T. James Madison, 18 March
It's barely even an attitude. Kibology is just that moment
really tired and should be in bed but you decide to go out
instead and on the way out you catch a glimpse of yourself
and you think, "Who is that person?" And you stop and sort
yourself, and then you go out the door.
As the vision
of kibo teaches us the prank can be a "meme virus" more succesful
than the schools in transmitting "knowlege".
Kevin Buhr, 16 April
when you're
and buy donuts
in the mirror
of giggle to
Kibo is a breakfast cereal, made with oats.
114
[ aromatherapy worked back then ]
I want to know what the best course of action would be to
get James Randi to write an article for the Skeptical Inquirer
proving that I cause not only all the crop circles in the
world, but that I am the reason why aromatherapy is the
only kind of medicine that works. Failing that, I’d like to
know how to get him to disprove that I exist. I really won’t
believe I’m a nonexistent phenomenon until I hear it from
Mr. Randi.
115
From:
Subject:
Summary:
Newsgroups:
Organization:
Date:
SIRTIS.GIF [1/1]
an ode to kibo
Thu, 23 Mar 1995 21:45:43 GMT
.....
Then jenn/s comes to call,
and she regales us all,
of tails of her Mardi Gras trip
"What is Kibology?"
This one little word is a spelling
The question asked most,
with considerable cross-post
by a troller, a flamer, or newbie.
About our own big pants CHYC
Dr. Eli Higgins, so slick
who sends boy-toys hearts all a-thunder.
error AND an unintentional pun
which is a callback to stuff Kibo
said TWO YEARS IN THE FUTURE!!!
It's the bain of our a.r.k.
rearing it's head from the dark,
"And just what the heck IS THIS Kibology?"
While Tom Richardson in vain,
to the poster tries to explain,
the essence of Kibo in one of his many post scripts
.....
And Andrea Chen
speaks of neu neutopians
and refers the poster to her "Mythology" post d'jour
....
"READ THE FAQ" screams some elf
new to ark he himself,
in a typical knee-jerk style
And Tjames Richardson,
lends his voice full calm
and answers with a song reference obscure.
....
Then our friend Michael Straight ,
will proceed to pontificate,
on the "Spirituality of Kibo" for a while
And the Bob(c), he cant wait,
to self perpetuate,
for he is a "legend in his own mind".
....
And with post full 'o fun
'Jesse Garon' will add one
with innuendo and double entendre
And Mr. E Teflon Piano
he keeps us on the straight and narrow
with legal briefs and opinions well defined.
.....
116
(continues)
And Wednesday doust speak out,
(she's the other CHYC here-about),
and does so with her own S P E C I A L
.....
S P A C I N G
And Gard with dry wit,
puts himself in a snit,
wondering if his reply is too subtle or self effacing?
....
Though he gets many replies
the original poster comes to realize,
that they have barely scratched the mythology
What he still wants to know,
be it through ignorance or troll,
is "Just what the heck IS THIS Kibology?"
....
Well my friend let me tell
What I have learned oh so well
That an answer, there is not just one
But the true Zen of the quest
is not being told a definition that's best,
But that finding your own, THAT'S *ALL* OF THE FUN
Its the experience of fishing
It's THAT, that your wishing
Someone would tell you about.
But experiences can't be defined
And the best answer you'll find
is when you yourself get out and row the boat.
....
Feel the heft of the pole,
as you cast and you troll,
Let is weight sink deep into your hand
Hear the spin of the reel
and experience the feel
of sticking your toes into the warm sand
.....
Smell the sea, taste the salt
That's what its all about
and catching a fish, well that's a bonus granted.
....
It's the quest, don't you see?
Not an end to the means.
Some questions should never be answered.
Let me explain so you'll see
by a fishing analogy
what I mean about the Zen of the quest
...
It's not a fish that you chase
for if that were the case,
you could get them in your grocers ice-chest.
117
(continues)
So ask me not "who's Kibo"?
for it's kinder of me not to tell,
Perhaps think of him as a young Andy Griffith.
take your pole to the lakeside
walk with Kibo by your side
Just whistle, and for heavens sake, enjoy the trip.
Gard "I hope Eli likes the sensitive types, the types who can write poems
and not be afraid to cry when Ol' Yella gits it, not just MANly men" Trask
MPower the people |
| [email protected]
|
---------------------------------------------------
DAYS
DAYS
DAYSOF
OF
OFCHAOS
CHAOS
CHAOS
BEGIN
BEGIN
BEGINHERE
HERE
HERE
118
Around this time, the fragmentary
archive thins out. Thirty megabytes
(about half the traffic) from the
first quarter of 1995 was
preserved, but almost nothing of
the remainder... the dark TIME WITH
NO KIBO. The following postings
illustrate the terrible withdrawal
symptoms plaguing the entire
Internet community. Some denied
Kibo had left; some denied he had
existed; some performed pointless
actions in hopes that sympathetic
magic would bring Kibo back.
And lo, in February 1996 Kibo came
back, bringing with him a mighty
stick with which to smite the nonbelievers. Enjoy the following
account of the MISSING MONTHS, and
choose between a smile or a smite.
From:
Subject:
[email protected] (Tjames Madison)
Re: Imminent death of Kibology predicted
(was Re: MAILBOMBING RESOLVED: thanx 2 all 4 support!)
Newsgroups:
Organization: Zen Arcade II
Date:
Wed, 12 Apr 1995 19:00:35 GMT
Rich Holmes ([email protected]) wrote:
:
: There is a reason
: I don't read alt.flame. This froup
: is not alt.flame, guys
:
: SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEKS
: Bring your jokes to a.r.k
: Flames should go elsewhere
For my part I'm doing what needs to be done
No more wars except for the standard ones that go on here
Naming and origins and stupid movie flames done in fun
And making myself look like I'm not quite as smart
as the people who would get offended
when I practice my art.
I bow to the wisdom of tribal elders like rone
and Rich Holmes and others like them
This is bonafide praise not tossing a bone
Let's get back to the mission whatever that was
Stiller and Winston are back and we've got a lot to do
Defining ourselves without Kibo now this is the buzz
--
'Jesse' has been fitted with a very special cone.
It's special so they call him a pinhead of *major* proportions
That's why he can't read messages from rone
"like a rolling steel keg rolling on concrete" - Doctor Murdock
r
o
r
a
l
u
c
a
r
d
pigdog: http://www.arlington.com/~tjames/pig/pigdog.html
~Average DNA replicates itself geometrically -- J. Goad~
Something to do with the wires inside it
A negative filter against constructive criticism
This is 'Jesse's' power and his weakness, his perfect fit
'Garon' is a genius and I wish you'd take a look at that
But I fear his work is outside this froup's scope
Caught up in flames and motion, no time to wear the dunce hat
Curious how long the haiku get
once Rich starts adding them.
I guess a kibological haiku is
anything that’s NOT 3-5-3.
Now 'Jesse' is fun but I wish that he'd tone it down
In a.r.k but romp where he feels, it's a large Usenet
He'll always have carte blanche with me, but he'll make most frown
119
[ weepy ]
KIBO’S EPITAPH
Kibo — Devoted Grepper, Loving God. His wrath knew no bounds. While he was
most widely known as the first god of the Information Superhighway, his main
accomplishments were saving the marriage of Harlan Ellison and Majel Barrett, and
appearing in Playboy. His most infamous incident was when he assaulted the
creator of Babylon Five with a large french curve because of his violent protest over
the artistic direction they were going with certain typefaces. An international
jetsetter, Kibo lived all his life in Boston and was single-handedly credited with
saving the ‘heat ’n serve’ egg roll industry. He leaves behind a dog, Spot, and
millions of adoring worshippers, most of them on America Online. A memorial
service is held every day at noon for the rest of eternity on USENET.
Darren P. Mckeeman, 20 March
120
The reference on the previous page about a French curve and “Babylon
5” is one of the two times I influenced the making of that fine show.
(I will not speculate about the character of “Lord Kiro”.)
1.) I sent B5’s creator, J. Michael Straczynski, a note about how I
thought the first episode was going so well until I saw that the
Centauri ambassador’s room was dominated by a fifty-cent French curve
glued to the wall, and I giggled throughout the scene. JMS replied
that the French curve would be immediately removed. (I wonder if he’d
have done that if YOU had complained.)
2.) When the actor playing the captain, the somewhat stiff Michael
O’Hare, left (jumped, fell, or was pushed), a rumor was heard
circulating at a Star Trek convention that Michael (even stiffer)
York would be his replacement. Well, I couldn’t allow the world to
start its OWN nasty rumors, so I started one that Michael O’Hare left
B5 to be the captain of “Star Trek: Voyager” (this was before they
cast their FIRST captain.) Word of this got to JMS, and he told it to
Michael O’Hare, who had a good laugh. I guess he’s not so stiff-if Kibo can make him laugh, there is hope for others. (Ralph Nader?)
121
Froggy, sometime in January
Well, I have heard that both Xuxa and Hello Kitty
"disappeared" at about the same time as Kibo....
Eric Hollander, sometime in March
i am troubled by this question: what is the
connection between kibo and hello kitty?
Elisabeth Higgins, 8 March
It's called an "umbilical cord."
122
Michaele Tepper (quoting various people), 13 April
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> And I woke up this morning and my housemate Tom had
> accidentally scorched the hell out of my espresso pot
> so I'm really really cranky.
Now, days later, do you feel any better?
Yes.
But I'm inherently cranky so it's not a *lot* better.
I don't care if you are inherently cranky.
LUV you in ALL CAPS!
I still
And we wonder why Kibo disappeared.
Peter Seebach, 14 April
I wouldn't be surprised if Kibo has dumped us
for Richie Rich comics - they'd be a big step up, right about now.
123
For the rest of 1995, nothing
important happened on the
Internet. Just some losers talked
about crap without Kibo.
In 1996, Kibo returned. Everyone
basked in the glory of Kibo’s
perfect ego, the losers became
cool and crap became good.
124
About the “author”
Kibo is a professional graphic
“designer” and “writer” who
“lives” in Boston. He “grew up”
in Schenectady, “New” York
and is never sarcastic.
Ooh, Kibo “wrote” another
whole book all by himself !
What a total “genius”!
Kibo’s official publicity photo snapped by E.
Jay O’Connell. (I should get a new one
sometime.) I also wish to thank Günter Gerhard
Lange for designing Berthold Bodoni Old Face,
the beautiful typeface at left.
Kibo is [email protected].

Kibo - Tim`s Melbourne Flat

Transcription

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to PC - umnet.com, mobile your fun

to PC - umnet.com, mobile your fun

2008 ProTalk Summer.qxp