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Table of Contents Poetry and Creative Writing Submissions “Untitled” “I Need You” “Bottles” “A Slightly Brighter Grey” 4 5 6 8 Art and Photography Submissions “Snape” “How To Draw A Hand Turkey” Music Submissions 14 38 21 15 Interviews King Guru Special Features Homecoming Concert Review -­‐ B.o.B. Fest Review The Sad Boy Movement The Music Industry Bechdel Test What’s Cooking With Kyle Sweaters: The Concept Article Deese-­‐nt Advice High-­‐Class Restaurant Review: Taco Bell 1 22 24 26 28 30 33 35 39 Lint & Loose Change An Under the Couch Production November 2015 This issue worked on by Sara Konecny, Meredith Jacobs, Nick Bond, Kyle Mackey, and Gabe Waksman. Edited by Sara Konecny Cover art by Minh-­‐Thu Nguyen Submissions: [email protected] Under the Couch – Georgia Tech 350 Ferst Drive Atlanta, GA 30313 2 What is Lint & Loose Change? Lint & Loose Change is a free speech zine run by Under the Couch showcasing the writing, art, music, and opinions of Georgia Tech. What is a zine? A zine is a small magazine run off of independent submissions and publishing. How can I get published? Literally submit. We are desperate. How do I become a contributor? Come to Musician’s Network meetings Mondays at 7 PM in Under the Couch for more information! 3 Untitled I Need You Anonymous Nick Bond I may be on an adventure, but sometimes I’d rather not be. I’m twenty thousand leagues under the sea, and you’re looking out from the pier. And while I’m journeying to the center of the earth, You’re in someone else’s balloon, floating high above the city. At this point, there’s no diamond to be found. And you’ve flown so high, you’ve probably reached the moon by now. I’d like to come home and see you again, but I’m not even sure you exist. I don’t know who you are, but I need you. I need you to lie on the floor with me and imagine And let me be a nerd about fractals and chemistry And I want you to sit with me on the lawn in a flower crown And we’ll take in the sunlight together. You’ll laugh a lot, and you’ll tease me a little And I won’t be afraid to tease back. And you’ll take me by the hand And we’ll weave through crowded streets And find our own spot to sit. I’ll take you to a waterfall, and we’ll be at home. We’ll run through the woods from imaginary monsters And sleep under the forest canopy Under cover of darkness and laughter. You’ll be clarity, and I’ll be free. And together we’ll be the frost on the grass And the blue in the sky On an autumn morning, Quiet And inseparable. 4 5 Bottles with a weapon on one of your suspects?” Jared thought for a moment. “Five. Six if you count the sharpened spoon.” John Quinn “Come on, Zach, just take it.” “Jared, in my profession, patience is a virtue.” Zach lay prone on the riverbank, as Jared stood slightly behind him, spotting scope in hand. Zach’s left hand caressed the underside of the rifle, as his right hand hovered near its trigger. His left eye was sealed shut, as his right eye glared through the sight at a single stick, bobbing in the flow. “Former profession, you mean. And you do realize that letting it get away is the same as missing it, right?” Jared began to yawn on the last word. “Jared, if you would just shut up—“ Zach squeezed the trigger. A sharp crack rang through the air, and the stick snapped in half. “—
it’d make beating you a good bit easier.” Jared gazed through his scope at the ripples. “Lucky shot.” “Call it luck, or call it skill. Either way, I’m one ahead of your sorry ass.” Zach smiled, and clapped a hand on Jared’s shoulder. “Which I believe means you owe me a beer.” “Considering you bought them,” Jared laughed, walking back to the cooler, “I don’t mind too much.” He pulled a bottle out, tossing it to Zach before getting one for himself. Reclining in his folding chair, he looked up at Zach. “This must be awfully boring for you.” Zach sipped his beer, and took a seat. “What do you mean?” “I’m just saying. Your job now pales to life in Afghanistan.” Zach stiffened up. “I don’t really consider that a bad thing.” “Are you kidding? What I wouldn’t give for a real fight.” Jared sipped his beer. “I’m tired of busting junkies. I want to actually do something, you know? You, on the other hand – I mean, you literally fought for people’s freedom! You stared fear and death in the eye every day.” Zach shook his head. “Jared, you don’t know what you’re talking about, as usual.” He sighed. “How many times have you had to deal 6 Zach sipped his beer. “And you’ve been on this beat for two years, right?” “Right.” “Alright. How many of those weapons were guns?” “One.” “How many times have you had to deal with high explosives?” “Never.” Zach’s face twitched—a small movement, barely there, but just enough to show pain. “And how many times did a kid pull a weapon on you?” Jared exhaled sharply, looking away. Zach loosened his grip on his chair, and started to steady his breathing, counting backwards in his head. Slowly, he picked up his beer, brought it to his lips, and took a sip. He continued talking, softly. “There’s a reason I work an office job now. It’s calm; it’s quiet. Gives me time to go to school, change myself, you know?” He took another sip. “I’m thinking of getting a law degree, being a public defender. I want to help.” Zach turned to face Jared. “Here’s the point. There is no ‘good fight.’ Just be glad yours isn’t the worst.” Jared swallowed. “You going to be okay, man?” Zach didn’t move. “Zach? You going to be okay?” Zach went to take a drink. Realizing it was empty, he looked up at Jared. “Of course not. I’m out, and you’re not taking aim yet.” He smiled, thinly. “Think you can outshoot me?” Jared looked him in the eye, and smiled back. “I know I can.” The two got up, and two bottles stood on the cooler—one empty, one half full. John Quinn used to write sonnets in high school because he was too much of a loser to just talk to girls he liked. Now he writes fiction that’s clearly just Marvel or Mass Effect characters with changed names. What a loser. 7 A Slightly Brighter Grey Tom Speers I. The Foreman It is fair to say that the whole thing began many times, but I would say that the best beginning probably took place on a crisp fall evening in the days following the Harvest Festival, as the rim of the reddening sun touched the main bulk of the Avaltijn Textile Works to the east and the shadow of its great smokestack lengthened over the streets of Almarst. So far it had added up to a good day, I thought as I made my way down a nameless alleyway towards Broad Street. It was pleasantly chilly outside, in those fleeting autumn days before the reality of the harsh Decapolitan winter set in, and I had just finished my last repair of the day (turns out old Mr. Keneza had just accidentally unplugged his radio!). And, of course, I was on my way to see Radem. Turning onto Broad Street, I immersed myself in the noise and bustle of the city’s main thoroughfare: children played, salesmen sold, and a thousand voices combined to form a not unpleasant hum of human energy that seemed to flow all around as well as through me. It was a rare thing to see Broad Street quiet, which is precisely why I loved it so much. Somewhere off to the left a train whistle split the air twice in rapid succession. I smiled, and began walking east toward the factory gates. It was a good day. I continued past Governor’s Square where Broad Street slanted to the left, drawing my already thick coat tighter around me as I walked. I knew it was going to be an especially long and cold winter, Garen currently being in the deepest part of the Cycle. I had once heard a theory about how Avaltijn and all the other coal-­‐
burning industries would eventually pump enough carbon into the air that the entire moon would warm up and blunt winters such as this one. If only. After another minute or two, the low courtyard wall of the factory angled into view. Architecturally, the place was an ungodly mess of red brick and dirty glass panes, but the people 8 of Almarst loved it all the same. During the last great sickness, the management had given out free bread and milk to the families of its workers, and later to anyone who asked. Such things are not easily forgotten on Garen. But that didn’t matter to me right then. All that mattered to me was hidden somewhere in the throng of black-­‐clad workers that had begun to spill onto Broad street from the factory gates. I stopped a few feet from the gate and waited. Strange. Radem was usually out of Avaltijn as soon as he could manage it, and sooner if he knew I was going to be there waiting. My smile faded, just a little. What could possibly be persuading him to stay on the floor any longer than absolutely necessary? A few minutes after the last pair of workers passed through the gates, discussing a prospective night at Megar’s on Rendila Street, he finally showed up. I heard Radem before I saw him, his odd stuttering laugh echoing off of the nearest wall towards me. Eramaz, I loved that laugh. He came into view shortly afterward, talking animatedly with another man whom I didn’t recognize, but who wore a foreman’s cap in addition to the usual black coat of the textile workers. “Well, I guess I’ll see you after the weekend then, Arten!” I heard Radem say as they exited the open gate and drew near me. Arten, seeing me a second before Radem, put a hand on the brim of his cap and tipped it slightly before turning to the right and leaving. Then I caught Radem’s eye. He turned to face me and smiled, and it was every bit as beautiful and wonderful as that first smile he smiled the very first time we met. “Kalya,” he said in his deep, resonant voice. “Kalya Tanwe.” He beamed, his pale face positively glowing against his dark coat and uncovered auburn hair. It was a thing of ours, ever since the first days, that he would say my full name in conversation far more often than was necessary, and it had grown from mildly annoying to immensely endearing. It is good to hear one’s name. A frigid gust of wind swept through the now uncrowded street, and as though spurred by the sudden flush in my cheeks he leaned in and kissed 9 me. Any lingering thoughts of Mr. Keneza’s damn radio or factory-­‐
issue bread and milk evaporated like snow on a hot stove as we embraced each other. On top of everything else Radem was still warm from being inside, and I felt no compulsion to ever let go of him. Mother of Azra, how could it get any better than this? We held each other for what a grumpy passer-­‐by might have deemed too long before reluctantly letting go and beginning our walk back toward Governor’s Square. “Oh Kalya,” he began, “tell me things. How are you? What sort of wild electrician adventures did you have today?” I laughed aloud. “Let’s see, today I had two home radios, a telegraph, and a busted fusebox. Hardly a thrilling epic. I’m sure your exploits making curtains and tablecloths for the Urathans are much more worthy tales.” To my surprise he initially said nothing, but instead put his arm around me and squeezed my shoulder. “All will be revealed, Kalya. I’ve got great news, in more than one respect, but it is better told in a warm and merry place over food than out here in the cold. And open. Now, where shall we go? Megar’s?” “Of course Megar’s! We’ve only been planning this since last week, you!” “I remember -­‐ I was just testing you. I know how you forget things sometimes, Kalya Tanwe.” “Oh, I forget things? What did you have for breakfast today, you big lump?” “…” We both laughed. Another gust of wind from the north buffeted us, but as I reached out and held Radem’s hand, the cold seemed to fade, even as the wind increased in speed. The whole evening took on a rosy glow as we continued hand in hand to the Square, turning left this time and heading down toward the riverfront and its various warm and comfortable pubs. The iron gray waters of the Dessalt River rippled in the wind and faint music wafted from multiple unseen doorways as we found our way to Megar’s, which occupied the squat stone first story of an ancient timber-­‐frame building. I filed behind Radem as we entered the narrow stone archway and passed through the open door. He briefly greeted Karel, the old watchman, and I did the same as we entered a long, low room. Numerous oaken tables filled the main room of Megar’s Old Pub to my right, while to my left stood the bar itself as well as a small alcove, where a four piece band was currently meandering their way through “He Came into Town on a Slizzard”. We found a small two-­‐person table on the far wall (it was not yet late or crowded enough for the establishment to live up to its nickname, Roarin’ Megar’s) and ordered drinks from the serving-­‐man, who had swooped down upon us within ten seconds of our arrival. I ordered my usual glass of Avalonian white wine, while Radem asked for Stireza, a local dark beer. As he departed with our orders, I noticed that a more or less steady stream of well-­‐wrapped patrons were coming in out of the cold air. We really had got there just in time. “Alright. Now, before we get our food, I have two pieces of good news. Which would you rather hear first, Kalya, the news I learned first or the news I learned second?” I leaned back slightly in my chair, the rough stone wall to my immediate right. “The one you found out first, if you please.” Radem grinned a positively wolfish grin, and leaned over the table toward me. “The war is going badly,” he began in a conspiratorial whisper. I smiled, but I didn’t fully feel it. I mostly cared about the Resistance because of Radem, and hailed their successes mainly because that meant his continued safety. I didn’t like the Urathans any more than anyone else on Garen, which is to say not in the slightest, but I joined a lot of my compatriots in the consideration that there’s no point resisting our “arrangement” when they had so many more and better quality guns than we did. Not to mention interstellar warships. Our drinks arrived, and I took a fortifying sip of wine. 10 11 Radem did the same with his beer before continuing in a low voice. “I told you how one of our guys cracked their encrypted subspace broadcasts, yes? Well, apparently there was a little battle last week, over somewhere called ‘Kalanu’. The scum took out two Relorran megacruisers. Guess how many Urathan ships the Relorrans took with ‘em?” Radem paused for effect. The drama queen. “Twenty-­‐
seven. Eight of ‘em capital ships.” bit. The grey bastards.” Our server returned then, and we both ordered our usual fare at Megar’s: fish stew for me and broiled slizzard for Radem. After he left I took the opportunity to try and find out what the other, non war-­‐related piece of good news was. Dead Urathans were all well and good, but I had never stopped being curious about what else Radem considered to be good news. “So, what else is good news on the same level as Urath losing an enormous space battle?” Holy shit. Radem had told me that they were losing slightly before, but twenty-­‐seven ships lost? Somewhere on Urath, there had to be a very dirty cloth covered in the smudged remains of a thousand shit-­‐eating grins. Maybe Radem had even made it here on Garen. I smiled again, this time a fully felt grin. No shame in taking pride in the Relorrans’ bloody handiwork, especially if Radem wasn’t involved. “Mother of Azra, Radem. How on Garen did they step in it so badly?” * * * To Be Continued (and updated semi-­‐regularly!) on www.spacecathedral.wordpress.com, also accessible from the following QR code: “They did the same thing they always do, which is to be arrogant scumbags and look down on people who aren’t them. Apparently they tell their soldiers the same thing they tell us about the Relorrans: that they’re big stupid animals who only want to eat you and know nothing of tactics. It’s like the Fish Festival over at headquarters right now – Carwen even thinks that we could free all of Garen right now, if we take the initiative!” Before I could reply, the band leader abruptly stopped playing and raised his voice. “Per a request from the audience, here is ‘My Love, Don’t You Ever Leave Me’.” Nobody in the pub stopped talking or seemed to notice as the band started up again, mainly because they had practiced doing so countless times. A few seconds into the song two tall men dressed in crisp grey Urathan military uniforms entered the room and headed immediately for the bar. Facing the bar, I could see Megar himself reach for a particularly strong grain alcohol from the shelf behind him. Maybe it was just me, but when one of the soldiers clapped the other on the back and they both started laughing, the laughter seemed nervous, almost forced even. I pointed this out to Radem. “They do seem to be drinking quite a 12 13 King Guru Interview by Meredith Jacobs King Guru is an Atlanta-­‐based indie rock band. We were happy to interview them to get insight about their formation, sound, cohesiveness, and progress as a group. They are a chill group of people with lots of talent. Before the interview, we listened to some jazz while hanging out on their back porch. They recently put out their album, Come To The Window. You can follow the QR code on page 21 to hear their album and other music! Can you introduce yourself and say what you do in the band? Daniel: “I play bass” Nik: “I play guitar, write, sing and add some other things in the background.” Danielle: “I sing backup vocals and some tambourines and percussions and sometimes guitar.” Anthony: “I’m primarily the drummer, but I also saxophone occasionally.” Clark: “I play guitar, sing and write in the band.” How did the band begin? By Minh-­‐Thu Nguyen Nik: “Clark was outside of Glenn Hall our freshman year, two years ago. I saw him outside with a guitar, brought my guitar out and was like, ‘Let’s jam.’ We played some Arctic Monkeys and some other stuff. Then, I guess, we started showing each other the few songs that we had already worked on and started putting that shit together. We started writing shit together because friends and music. I knew Daniel in high school.” Daniel: “Nik and I went to the same high school, and so did Danielle.” Nik: “Daniel wouldn’t play with me in high school though.” Daniel: “Because he was too weird.” Nik: “Quote from Daniel, I was too weird. Seriously.” Danielle: “Nik was really weird in high school.” Nik: “Somehow he deals with it now.” 14 15 How was the name “King Guru” chosen? Clark: We had this gig, and me and Nik had to come up with a name. We were like, ‘What do we like?’ We like animals. Nik was smoking Camel Turkish Royals at the time, so he was like, ‘The Camels’, but that was already taken. Then we said Kangaroo, but we decided to split it up… ‘Kang Garoo.’ Then our friend Tristan, who was probably high or drunk or something, misheard us a ‘King Guru.’ We were like, ‘Oh yeah, you’re right. That is the name.’” Nik: “So yeah, we came up with it because it sounded like Kangaroo. Do people know that? They probably might still think it is ‘Kangaroo’ even when we say that we are ‘King Guru.’ I’m okay with that.” Daniel: “We’re the Marsupials.” Danielle: “We have fun with it. We’ve made characters, King Guru and Kangaroo guys. It’s fun.” consciously. I was like, ‘damn. okay. life.’ Pretty recently, while in college, I’ve been really into jazz, funk and soul.” Nik: “I started with the Beatles when I was young, but when I started to really find my musical self, I was really into punk and punk influenced things. So like all into the classic punk, Ramones, The Clash, etc, then leading to Brit Pop, Oasis, Blur. I feel like my sound takes influence from both of those and jazz and indie rock.” How would you describe your sound? Daniel: “We played this show, and I made up the most ridiculous genre possible. I called us indie-­‐jazz-­‐bossa-­‐core, but that’s probably not a thing. I don’t want to be known as the first indie-­‐jazz-­‐bossa-­‐
core band.” Clark: “Probably by definition, people classify us as indie rock. I’d say the vibes I get are if you were in the middle of the ocean, doing a self propelled backstroke and not having to do any work and that was the music you were listening to. Like swimming in a nice, warm part of the ocean.” What are your listening and playing backgrounds? Daniel: “We all come from different listening backgrounds. I listened to a whole bunch of soul and funk stuff. We all have experience playing jazz.” Danielle: “Since I do background vocals and harmonies for the band, I think I owe that to my upbringing of listening to a lot of Eagles, Beatles and Beach Boys. All those five part harmonies.” Anthony: “The first thing that I consciously remember listening to is the Beatles. My dad is a really big classic rock buff. He really like David Bowie, so I got into all that kind of stuff. Then in seventh grade, I joined the jazz band and heard my first 7th chord, at least 16 The members of King Guru. What is your songwriting process like? Clark: “It goes in two forms. Nik or I has a song that we present to the band, and we jam on it and it changes. Or Nik and I jam; or three of us jam; or all of us jam, and something comes out of that. Someone who is a songwriter takes that idea and can go further on that because sometimes it hard to go forward and write a song as a group. Everyone has different direction, which would all be good, but it would be hard to get something done. Having a groove that you find or a riff that everyone knows already, then the song could be written quick.” Who are the main songwriters? Nik: “Clark and I” You recently put out a new album. What is your favorite song on it and why? Danielle: “Someone asked us this yesterday, and I am still thinking about it.” 17 Nik: “Oh, the Trifecta.” Clark: “It’s tracks 11, 12, and 13.” Daniel: “Songs ‘Another Attempt’, ‘XII’, and ‘Keyed Away.’” Clark: “That has just showed our ability to do production and songs that blend into one another. Just more of a complete vision than just a song. I think that’s what we all strive for. To have something that surpasses just the sound. It’s an emergent thing. It was so much fun to make too.” Daniel: “There’s a DJ, and he’s got a half set up station. I’m like, ‘Oh, he’s breaking down. I’ll put our stuff on the stage, we’ll be set.’ Then he starts to put more stuff on the table. I find someone, and apparently there is a bachelorette party going on. Apparently, it was from the owner, like specially set by whoever owned the place. They were going to go first.” Danielle: “So they double booked. We were playing with two other bands, and they double booked a bachelorette party on top of where three bands were supposed to play. I’m pretty sure we were supposed to go third, so when we were supposed to go on around 10:30 or 11:00, we got bumped to like 2:30 in the morning. We were like, ‘shit.’ This is a Thursday, and we had to drive home for Friday classes. We talked to our friends, and it really wasn’t that big of a deal. We laugh about it now, but at the time we were like ‘oh shit.’” Daniel: “I think we did end up staying for the whole time, though.” Danielle: “Yeah we did because the bands we were playing with, Sea Ghost and Dream Culture, are friends all playing around the Atlanta area. We stayed for them. Playing gigs on school nights.” You all live together. How does this affect you as a band? King Guru’s newest album, Come To The Window. What’s your favorite song to play live? Nik: “I would say the bossa parts of both ‘Eye to Eye’ and ‘Say So.’” Clark: “I would say some of the songs that have really good vocal harmonies, like ‘Wayside.’” Anthony: “‘That Night’, so chill everytime.” What is your favorite performing story? Clark: “Oh the time we were double booked for the bachelorette party…” Collective: “Yesss” *laughing* Daniel: “So we roll up to Athens, I think it was on a Thursday or something. So it’s a Thursday night in Athens, and we’re playing at this place called, The Globe. I’m the first one out of the car and I’m walking up to where the stage is...” Danielle: “Which is upstairs above a restaurant.” Danielle: “Well, technically only Nik and Clark live in the house. Daniel lives across the street. Anthony lives in an apartment about five minutes away, and I go to Georgia State, which is also like five minutes away. On the weekends, I chill here all the time. We basically all live here. I think it helps when we just want to jam or something. Everything is already set up here.” Clark: “It’s so nice.” Danielle: “I’ve realized that having a practice space, in a living room, here, that is set up all the time, is a luxury that not a lot of people get to have. I’ve had band friends ask me if they could come over here for their band to practice.” Who designs the album art? Danielle: “We all decided on it, but Clark made it.” Daniel: “The physical CD itself was done by a friend.” Danielle: “It’s kind of a combination.” Daniel: “The front cover is a watercolor collage thing by Clark. The back piece is a digital piece that Clark did. The insert is a picture take by a friend, Tanner.” 18 19 Danielle: “He is a friend of mine from State. He uses film. That shoot that we did is, like, the best pictures we’ve gotten and for free. The CD itself has that lotus flower design by a friend of mine from high school. With no warning, he sends that to me saying he’s been working on this fan art thing and hopes that I like it. It was awesome, and we can use it on so many things.” What’s next for King Guru? Clark: “We haven’t really thought about it.” Danielle: “Playing gigs and trying to plan for next summer and maybe make some moves. The dream for us right now is an East Coast tour. Just drive up and play random places. That seems tangible. We just have to figure out what we’re all doing over the summer.” Anthony: “Also, book more because we’re really bad at that.” Danielle: “Yeah, we’re kind of bad at talking to people.” Music Submissions Nick Bond Scan the QR code and check out these original music submissions by local Under the Couch, Georgia Tech, and Atlanta-­‐based artists! Submit your own original music submissions or playlist compilations to [email protected] to be featured! “Serpentine” – Antarcticats Genre: Surf punk, Rock “Serpentine” is the newest single off Antarcticats’ new release, Irregardless. It’s a funky blend of hard rock and surf influences with a cool breakdown toward the end. And like all Antarcticats songs, the vocals are on point. Absolutely, 110% worth a listen. Anything else that you want to say? Danielle: “Come to our show!” Daniel: “We have a big show at the Georgia Theatre, November 11th, opening up for Guster, in Athens.” 20 SG – Sea Ghost Genre: Indie, Pop It’s fun, it’s sparkly, it’s peanut-­‐buttery, it’s SG, the new release by Sea Ghost. It could be described as twee – but from somebody who can appreciate a good twee-­‐ing, this approaches twee overload. 10/10, would ghost again. Come To The Window – King Guru Genre: Indie, Fusion Come to the Window is the second release by the fantastic jazz fusion group King Guru. With a great variety of surf, funk, and latin influences mixed into jazz roots, Come to the Window is truly an adventure. Anyone who feels any positive feelings at all about fusion should definitely listen. 21 Homecoming Concert Review – B.o.B. Austin Cheshire So I think I did it wrong. Being socially shy, I went with no one, danced with no one, and, now that I think about it, spoke to no one for the entirety of the concert. But that shouldn’t matter right? I mean, after all this is a concert -­‐ it’s about the music and the performance anyways! Or at least that’s what I thought. The concert (or should I say aural experience?) started out with Keith Zadig and GT Buzz Beats, both of whom put on good shows. GT Buzz Beats is an interesting vocal concoction, though I thought they could have done more with the amount of people they had on stage. But hey, they are a student org, so props to them for getting out in front of so many of their peers and spitting some beats. No props, however, go to the sound engineer(s) who mixed for GT Buzz Beats. In a beat boxing performance, the sound guy’s job is almost as important (if not more) as that of the actual beat boxers. The human voice isn’t capable of producing much bass, especially not at loud volumes. To create an environment in which fans can feel the beat and really be involved in the music, it is imperative that low frequencies be boosted and that certain effects be applied to certain performer’s microphones, neither of which occurred during GT Buzz Beat’s show. crowd of friends, all of whom (including you, ideally) are slightly (or in some cases highly) inebriated. The point isn’t to listen to the music – the point is to get lit and go wild. The audio techs earn points back for this one, because the sound was objectively bitchin’ during B.o.B’s performance. The D&B Audiotechnik speakers that were being used take no small credit for this, but the system was dialed. B.o.B himself was enjoyable and interacted well with the crowd, even borrowing someone’s phone to take selfies on stage. A concert here at GT is a pretty small deal for him, so the fact that he made the effort to engage the fans is commendable. As for his music, there is certainly emotion and meaning in some of his songs, but a fair share feature lyrics promoting drug use and the degradation of women. The latter two seem to cover the majority of hip-­‐hop produced these days, which I find unfortunate. But alas, his club/frat party tracks like “Headband” and “Bust It Open” had couples grinding like they were glued together. And, to no one’s surprise, the encore was none other than “Airplanes.” Overall, I thought the concert was a good one. While it didn’t showcase much live music creation, I guess that wasn’t its purpose. Bass, a lightshow, and dancing are the criteria for a hip-­‐hop show, and it certainly fulfilled all of those. Anyways, after the openers, there were…more openers, but these guys were from what I assume to be B.O.B’s network of producers and artists. But then, after a few songs from these rap groups whose names escape me, there were…. wait for it…. More Openers. I can only assume that all of these guys’ mixtapes are fire. B.o.B did eventually make it to the stage though, and it was pretty cool, even if the show only consisted of one guy singing over pre-­‐
recorded tracks. Retrospectively, I’ve realized I arrived expecting something that a concert of this genre is not. Musicians be warned – a hip-­‐hop concert is not for experiencing music and technical talent, but rather bass and strobe lights best consumed with a 22 B.o.B. at the SCPS Homcoming Concert. Photo by Austin Chesire. 23 Fest Review Mike Leon Every final weekend in October, thousands of students clad in orange and blue vacate Gainesville, Florida for the Florida/Georgia football game in Jacksonville. Taking their place? 5,000 punks dressed head to toe in all black. Punks gather at the Holiday Inn on Friday morning to take part in the registration line for The Fest 14, an annual music, art, and comedy festival showcasing 300+ bands from all over the world in the realm of punk, emo, hardcore, ska, and more. Fueled by a nutritious diet of Reggae Shack, Five Star Pizza, Flaco’s Burritos, and PBR, my weekend was made up of seeing lots of old friends, making lots of new friends, and of course, screaming along to a lot of my favorite bands. For me, the typical lineup is one of those lineups where my day can be filled from 3 until midnight with bands I really enjoy. Friday was not the sweatiest day for me, but it sure was frantic. Tiny Moving Parts delivered high energy, angular riff after riff to possibly one of the most fervent crowds I have ever seen. After that, I saw one of my favorite sets of the weekend – Max Stern of Signals Midwest/Meridian at a really cool library-­‐esque space called the Civic Media Center. Max filled his 30 minute slot with Signals Midwest and Meridian material as well as Blink 182 and Iron Chic covers. My Saturday was spent mainly at Fest’s largest indoor venue, Cowboys, where all the leaders of the “emo revival” performed one after another. The day started with an incredible Killers cover set by Modern Baseball. Mr. Brightside, in particular, nearly melted the venue. The rest of the day consisted of cathartic scream-­‐alongs to twinkle ballad-­‐eers such as Foxing and The World is a Beautiful Place and I Am No Longer Afraid to Die, but the most gripping performance of the evening was by The Hotelier. The band rattled off 8 of the 9 tracks from their widely acclaimed 2014 album, “Home, Like Noplace Is There.” They ended with the heartbreaking track “Dendron” whose screams left many sadboys* and sadgirls with hoarse voices and maybe a few tears running down their faces. I didn’t particularly anticipate that Sunday would be the winning day. I also never realized how popular of an intersection punk and wrestling were, as my Sunday started with a wrestling ring erected in Cowboys to watch a match of “¡Viva La Lucha!” My favorite sets all came towards the end of the day. Free Throw picked up where Hotelier left off with their brand of extremely to-­‐the-­‐point, catchy, and relatable emo jams for any college-­‐aged person trying to find themselves. If there was one set I was most looking forward to, it was party-­‐king Andrew W.K., the headliner of Fest 14. Andrew and his band fired through hit after hit from “I Get Wet” with his cheesy-­‐but-­‐incredibly-­‐positive “party! party! party!” gimmick in full force. My Fest ended absolutely perfectly, with one of my favorite songwriters, Evan Weiss of Into It. Over It. performing (for a 7th time in various bands between 5 days of Pre-­‐Fest and Fest!) a solo-­‐acoustic set. Evan is one of the best solo acts I have ever seen, creating a conversational, friend-­‐to-­‐friend performance rather than a musician-­‐to-­‐fan performance that makes it hard to not smile for 40 straight minutes. His angelic voice and incredible guitar work help, too. The constant friend-­‐to-­‐friend performances is part of what makes Fest such a magical music festival. You can be screaming along to “Your Graduation” one second and dancing with the bassist of Modern Baseball 20 minutes later. I’m already counting down the days until Fest 15. Koji performing at the Civic Media Center. Photo by Cameron Thmopson. 24 ***Refer to page 26 to learn more about the “sadboys” movement 25 The Sadboys Movement Gabe Waksman Since the birth of hip-­‐hop in the 1970s and its mainstream emergence in the 1980s, the genre has been constantly evolving, expanding into new territory and rising in popularity to become one of the biggest genres of music in the modern scene. Today’s hip-­‐hop and rap world can proudly showcase the socially conscious, emotionally packed lyricism of Kendrick Lamar, who articulately presents his experiences growing up as a black man in modern Compton to a wide audience; it can hedonistically enjoy the boastful and vulgar delivery of Danny Brown, who raps about getting head in a voice that sounds like he’s giving head; it can cheer up listeners with the upbeat, positive, and confident lyricism of Chance the Rapper, or relax them with the downbeat spoken-­‐
word style of artists like Milo; it can even laugh at itself with the self-­‐aware, post-­‐ironic writing of our One True Based God Lil B, and collectively giggle at the pre-­‐post-­‐pre-­‐meta-­‐pre-­‐irony of whatever Viper is. Yet even in this vast, ever-­‐expanding genre, a young Stockholm teenager and his friends (who call themselves “Sad Boys”) have managed to stand out to hip-­‐hop fans as something unique, for better or for worse. Yung Lean, real name Jonatan Leandoer Håstad, has carved out his own strange niche in the hip-­‐hop scene; over slow, melancholy beats that sound like something out of an alien shopping mall, Lean speak-­‐raps his rhymes, supported by a noticeable autotune filter. But unlike typical rap lyrics, which tend to focus on personal experiences of either struggle or success, Lean’s words speak of a more emotional, internal struggle, blended with hip-­‐hop’s stereotypically characteristic mentions of drugs, clubs, and money. On one of his earliest tracks, titled Kyoto, Lean follows the lines “Been locked up, in my own mind / my thoughts will never be shallow” with a verse containing “I’m smoking loud with my lost boys / all this money don’t make me sad though”, creating a strange juxtaposition between melancholy feelings and boastful mentions of his own success. Rapping with aid from producers Yung Gud and Yung Sherman and alongside his friends Bladee, Ecco2k, and Thaiboy Digital (a closely affiliated group known as “Gravity Boys”), Lean and company discuss this odd mix of hip-­‐hop tropes and longing, melancholy emotions, making frequent mentions of “lean” (a mix of sprite, cough syrup, and Jolly Ranchers) and the years 2001, 2002, and 2003, years that they consider the saddest and most emotional -­‐ a strange choice when considering Yung Lean’s 1996 birth date. The actual personalities of Lean and the Sadboys, other than the titular sadness, are surprisingly calm and straightforward, if a bit introverted; in interviews, Lean is laid back and tends to tell interviewers that his strange style is simply him “doing what he wants to do” and expressing himself. The origins of Lean’s style are a topic of frequent questioning for good reason -­‐ in addition to his odd musical style, Yung Lean has carved out a niche in the fashion world, favoring an exaggerated and often bizarre streetwear-­‐esque style that makes frequent use of bucket hats and baggy clothing. This strange clash of styles has led to popularity in an equally strange mix of groups, with Lean simultaneously winning popularity among young, artistically minded urban students and becoming a meme on places like 4chan’s /mu/ board. There, the love for Lean is often more ironic, and much of the praise and discussion of his music comes from sarcasm rather than genuine fondness. The term “sadboys” has even become a meme in itself, sparking one pro gaming team in Dota 2 to adopt the name as a tongue-­‐in-­‐cheek reference to Lean’s music. Among Lean’s more artistic fanbase, though, his music is very much taken seriously. When he toured the U.S., all of his shows in New York sold out; he even played a private show in-­‐store at a fashion retailer, with a Chanel model guarding the door. Fans from this crowd relate to Yung Lean’s music -­‐ the melancholy sound and lyricism, the references to weed, lean, and pop culture of the early to mid 2000s, and the odd fashion styles with which he experiments in his videos. In an article about Lean and the Sadboys published in The New Yorker -­‐ yes, seriously -­‐ a fifteen year-­‐old fashion intern expressed his feelings on Lean’s music: “Even if you don’t understand what he’s saying, it’s about a feeling—a really heavy feeling.” So which is it? Is Yung Lean just a kid who lucked out and got his music discovered, or is there something more? Is the sarcastic treatment that his music receives online warranted, or could his odd style and lyricism really resonate with an emotionally confused generation? If you really want to know, decide for yourself -­‐ his first album, Unknown Memory, was released last year, and is streamable on Spotify and YouTube. The Music Industry Bechdel Test Sara Konecny Beyonce – “Single Ladies” Did you really expect this to not be on here? Enough said. The Bechdel-­‐Wallace test was coined by Alison Bechdel in her comic strip Dykes to Watch For. In order for a work of fiction to pass the Bechdel test, the work in question must feature two women having a conversation with each other about anything other than a man. Though the test seems simple enough to pass, the lack of works that pass the test are so staggeringly few that the test became an iconic feminist criticism of the gender representation, or lack thereof, within the Hollywood entertainment industry. Wondering if anyone had taken the time to apply this criticism to the music industry, I was a little disheartened when Pitchfork’s “A Bechdel Test For Music” was the first result to show itself on Google. However, even if I couldn’t be the first pioneer in exploring this issue in musical equality, I chose to expand upon their list (with much help from my friend Cornelia) with songs of my own choosing that passed the test. Sleigh Bells – “Rill Rill” In this angsty grime-­‐rock track, Sleigh Bells lead singer Alexis Krauss stays true to Treat’s high school nostalgia vibe in “Rill Rill.” Words of female encouragement include “So this is it then? You’re here to win friend,” and “Wonder what your boyfriend thinks about your braces? What about them, I’m all about them.” Nicki Minaj – “Anaconda” “Oh. My. Gosh. Look at her butt.” Classic female-­‐female admiration. Gotta love it. Regina Spektor – “Hero” With a bit of a twist to the song, Regina doesn’t quite address another female per say, but addresses herself instead in asserting her confidence in tough waters. Purity Ring – “Belispeak” This entire song is dedicated to the lead singer’s grandmother. “I’ll be your swimming forest island, bid you safely walk over me.” Hurray For The Riff Raff – “Look Out Mama” This folksy tune tells the story of one young woman’s journey home. “Oh sister dear, won’t you take me by the hand/And you can lead us all the way to the promise land.” Mitski – “Townie” Another that addresses a woman in the same way Regina Spektor’s “Hero” does – Mitski’s angsty femme punk style shines through when she says “I’m not gonna be what my daddy wants me to be/I wanna be what my body wants me to be.” G.L.O.S.S. – “Lined Lips and Spiked Bats” G.L.O.S.S. is a hardcore band out of Olympia fronted entirely by trans women. Their debut track “Lined Lips and Spiked Bats” screams (literally) of cries to end expectations of traditional femininity. “Bad girls have each other’s backs/lined lips and spiked bats/gotta take femininity back.” Sylvan Esso – “Dress” To be honest, I was partially inspired to write this article just so that I could have an excuse to talk about how much I adore Sylvan Esso. This song is dedicated to the beauty of a friend, so beautiful that she “look[s] like a morning star.” TacocaT – “Hey Girl” Sarcastic feminist punk band TacocaT does not fail to deliver on this track that follows the story of a woman skateboarding down the street, dealing with catcallers and sleazy guys at every turn. Granted, I did take some liberties in what defines “a woman talking to another woman,” but the sheer difficulty of compiling this list that necessitated these should say enough about the issue of gender inequality in the music industry. Nevertheless, all these artists are worth listening to, and I encourage them and female musicians everywhere to keep making the music these do. Enjoy these tracks knowing that Alison Bechdel is smiling over you.
28 29 What’s Cooking With Kyle? Kyle Mackey Uncle Kyle’s Down-­‐Home Pumpkin Pie So you want to bake a pumpkin pie? A noble pursuit if ever there was one. Here’s the short list of what you’ll need to get started: •
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2 Cups Flour Butter (However Much You Have) 2-­‐3 Tablespoons Ice Water 3-­‐4 lbs White Sugar One 3-­‐5 lb Sugar Pumpkin Candles One 12-­‐oz Can Evaporated Milk 1.2 mg Palladium Lindlar Catalyst 2 Eggs, Beaten 2 Teaspoons Cinnamon ½ Teaspoon Nutmeg 1 Teaspoon Ground Cloves 1 Teaspoon Ground Ginger The first step here is preparing the pie crust. I know that making a pie crust from scratch may seem daunting, but considering the recent allegations launched against the Pillsbury Company regarding their violations of international mercantile law you really don’t have a choice. I mean, if you really want to fund the exploits of a bunch of swashbuckling strangers as they commit barbaric acts of thievery on the high seas that’s your prerogative. As for the rest of us who value civilization and the rule of law, combine the flour, 1 stick chilled butter and a pinch of salt in a food processor and pulse until the mixture resembles large breadcrumbs. While processing, add in the water one tablespoon at a time until the dough just starts to hold together (you may not need all the water). Turn the dough onto a floured work surface and knead gently to bring the dough together. Form the dough into a flat disk and roll out to desired diameter. Carefully lift the crust and place it in a deep-­‐dish 9-­‐inch pie pan. 30 With crust now awaiting filling, preheat your oven to 425° or, if you prefer the rustic simplicity of a wood-­‐burning stove like me, go ahead and throw 3 sturdy birch logs onto the fire. Taking advantage of the extra light provided by the freshly stoked flames, cut the top off the pumpkin and scoop out all the stringy gourd mucus that fills it. In a spacious area use a piece of chalk to draw a pentagram on the ground and place a lit candle at each of the five points. Fill the pumpkin about halfway full with fresh chicken’s blood and place it at the center of the ritual site (if you have leftover blood from another sacrifice that will work too, but for best results use fresh squeezed). The goal here is to summon a malicious spirit and fuse its essence into the pumpkin’s flesh, so turn to the relevant section of your chosen necromantic tome and read aloud in the ancient tongue until the candles flare up, you hear the screams of the undead, blood oozes from the walls, or some such similar demonic humbuggery occurs. You might be tempted to skip this step because, as we all know, candles are expensive, but there really is no substitute for the depth of flavor that the suffering of a tortured soul contributes to a pumpkin. Plus, the heat generated by the fusion of spiritual essence and vegetable matter cooks the pumpkin flesh and makes it much easier to scrape out. Go ahead and process the liberated squash viscera into a smooth paste and throw it in a bowl with the Lindlar catalyst and condensed milk. The catalyst may seem unnecessary, toxic even, but you really never know when you’re going to need something hydrogenated so it’s best to err on the side of caution in this respect. That being said, now would be a good time to start adding sugar. There’s really no set measurement here, just keep adding until it feels right, and don’t worry about adding too much as you can always balance it out with more butter later on. A good rule of thumb here is to get to a point where any sane and logical passerby might be dumbstruck by how much sugar you’re adding and add a little more past that just to be safe. Now, take the amount of sugar you added and multiply it by 1.5. This is how much butter you’re going to add to a large pot and set to a boil. Stir the sugar mixture into the butter broth and remove from heat. If you’re at all concerned about the health risk involved with consuming that much butter and sugar set your mind at ease by feeding a little bit of the batter to your dog. If the dog should die immediately afterwards that likely has nothing to do with the delicious pie you 31 just fed it, you’re probably just not a very good owner. You know what, scratch that; you’re definitely a bad owner. It’s a living goddamn creature; take it for a walk every now and again for Christ’s sake. Anyhow, if you made it this far you’re probably ready to add the cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and cloves, so go ahead and do that. The cloves here serve the double effect of adding a warm, spicy flavor while also helping to banish any unwanted spirits you may have summoned during your dark ritual. Since cloves are a relatively weak anti-­‐demonic and unholy consciousnesses often cause a not inconsiderable amount of emotional damage to children and the elderly, you might want to go ahead and throw in a few heads of garlic just to be safe. After thus safeguarding against any unfavorable presences in the home add the eggs to the mix and beat the devil out of it (this is not an expression; a firm whisking is necessary to dislodge any antichristian entities possessing the batter). Finally, pour the batter into the prepared pie crust and pop it in the oven for 55 minutes or however long it takes for the screaming to become a low gurgle. 3 Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a homemade pumpkin pie, rich with the flavor of a job well done. If, for whatever reason, after tucking into your fresh baked pastry you find it to be an unpalatable mess that caused your tongue to go numb and your blood pressure to rise precipitously, you probably did something completely wrong and therefore might find it favorable to try something that’s more in step with your current mental ability, the maze on a Denny’s placemat perhaps. At any rate you tried and that’s more than can be said of most people. Just know that every failure that doesn’t lead to death or permanent disfigurement is a valuable lesson learned. 32 Sweaters: The Concept Article Paul Yavarow Ugly sweaters are the most functional article of clothing ever invented. They have improved shit posting capability over sweatshirts and hoodies, which are typically only useful for showing off what college you didn’t get into. Shitposting with your torso, also known as "fashion," is the highest form of self-­‐
expression known to man. Ugly sweaters also hide that your body is slowly turning into trash for the winter months, and the fact it will remain that way for spring and summer months. Which is why, if you’re like me, sweater season is from September to May. Ugly sweaters allow you to become the comfortable, mildly threatening, amorphous blob you've always wanted to be. Pulled off correctly, this should be the most effort you ever put into dissociating yourself from caring how you look while looking like you don’t care how you look, even though you are actually trying really hard, and caring quite a lot. Like putting buzzwords and fake jobs on your resume, it’s the easiest way to trick people into paying attention to you. The goal is to look like such garbage that everyone’s expectations for you are artificially lowered to the point that any competency you may have is a legitimate surprise to most people. Now that we’ve established why everyone wants to look more like trash than they actually are, we can delve into how to get ugly sweaters. Good taste in bad sweaters is proven by science to be genetic. A good start is to hit up your grandma and compliment her knitting. Uniqueness and rarity are significant factors in trying to hit that perfect kind of ugliness that makes a hideous sweater great. Next best source are your parents’ old sweaters that don’t fit them anymore after they gained weight. They’re sure to give that certain retro feel that you can only get with something that still looked terrible in the 70’s. Once you’ve exhausted these sources, it’s time to go to Salvation Army. Going to Salvation Army for the first time can be overwhelming, as they have dozens of mid-­‐tier ugly sweaters at any given time. It’s important to keep in mind a few guidelines of what makes an exceptionally hideous sweater. 33 The material isn’t important as long as it’s comfortable – the thicker the better. The exception to this rule is cashmere, because it’ll make people want to touch you. It shouldn’t fit well. Turtlenecks, elbow patches, shoulders pads, or anything else of the sort makes the sweater exponentially danker. This leaves us with color/pattern/texture/style of the sweater. A thick, solidly colored, poor fitting sweater will always be comfortable and fashionable enough, but it will never truly be an ugly sweater. There are few guidelines I can give on what makes a sweater revolting, however. It’s something that transcends any algorithmic approach. The only piece of advice I do have is that the ideal sweater will elicit a compulsive response, mostly in the form of disgust. Follow these guidelines, and you too can have petri dish sweaters, except the best time to get sweaters was September. Peasants. Deese-­‐nt Advice Chris Deese Chris Deese is here to fix your problems. Send your anonymous advice inquiries to [email protected] to be featured in the next issue! I need to impress someone, which One Direction song should I learn on guitar? Well if there’s anything good going on in the relationship, don’t learn any, as that will send the relationship in one direction: down. Jokes aside, I don’t know any One Direction songs, so I’m going to look at a list of songs and pick the least boy band sounding title. Wow, these titles are awful. Alright, my first inclination is to say to learn “Na Na Na” so that they can join you in the lyrics as they deny your advances. Beyond that, I would say “Stockholm Syndrome” sounds impressive enough to me to be worth learning on guitar. If I get stabbed, do I get to keep the knife? From: Help I’m Bleeding I’m only an expert in Maritime law and thus will only answer as such. And that’s the reason I don’t think there is a true answer, unless you are stabbed on top of a puddle. In this case, the person who stabs you, would suffer death and forfeiture of property under Maritime law, in which case, yes, you technically do own the knife. Honestly though, my problem with keeping it is that it’s then your property and you have to probably pay taxes on it. How do I tell Chris Deese I love him? 34 I’m a simple guy to be honest, and food is the quickest way to my heart. There are five main food groups and one subgroup to me, which are Mountain Dew, ketchup, pistachios, mashed potatoes, and chicken, with the subgroup being everything else. So a case of Mountain Dew or some ketchup is really a free pass into my heart, and a quick and easy way to tell me how you really feel. Also I really enjoy hair compliments, those make me just melt away. But really just tell me, I like someone with the conviction and guts to tell me how they feel. 35 Deese, I’ve been having trouble studying for exams. What can I do? Well the first step to studying is resigning yourself to that fate and realizing your life is forfeit in the face of modern education. Once you have that out of the way, I’d really recommend a nice video-­‐
game music based playlist, since video game music by design is meant to make you concentrate. Then just work through examples or read what you need to and take breaks every hour to keep your sanity. It also doesn’t hurt to have a comfort food and drink around, which for me is always Mountain Dew and pistachios. If none of those things work, then you could always fall asleep to notes on audiobook (which I have actually done once to decent success, though truthfully I already knew the subject somewhat beforehand). Or give up on everything you believe in including your misguided dreams of success and live a life of hard, manual labor like we all know we secretly want to. Dear Deesent Advice, I need your help in settling an argument between two of my friends that has gone on for far too long. They keep fighting endlessly over the same thing that they both say belongs to them, and it's really gotten out of hand. Friend 1 (let's call them "the United Kingdom") claims that the thing they're fighting over (let's call it "the Falkland Islands") rightfully belongs to them because they found it uninhabited about 150 years ago and it's their people who have been living there ever since, and besides they keep voting to belong to Friend 1. Meanwhile Friend 2 (let's call them "Argentina") claims that the thing they're fighting over (let's also call it "las Islas Malvinas" out of fairness) belongs to them because they inherited it de jure from the Spanish Empire, and that Friend 1's claim to it is an outdated relic of colonialism and it should be governed from the same hemisphere. Neither friend will back down, and they've gotten into some vicious fights lately. However, they've both agreed to abide by your Deesent Advice. So my question is, who do the Falklands/Malvinas belong to? The UK or Argentina? Let me preface this by saying I’m American, and therefore The Falkland’s are most likely ours. If not, they may could use a good healthy dose of FREEDOM. That all being said, Argentina’s desire 36 for the Falklands is inversely proportional to their economy’s strength. But before we get to Argentina and UK, let’s remember that by the rules of “finder’s keepers” the Falklands truly belong to the French due to Louis Antoine de Bougainville having discovered them in 1764. But as in most matters, France couldn’t keep it together. Literally, because they couldn’t handle the settlement and gave it to Spain. The British eventually wrenched control away from the Spanish after finding it abandoned, wooping ass and claiming sovereignty. This lead to Britain now claiming it, as they still do. Argentina then realized that they were not nearly as cool or pretty as their older sister Spain and decided to compensate by claiming they got ownership of if as a hand me down, not unlike a high school freshmen saying they should get their sisters Toyota Camry, which would be a nice car if it didn’t have coffee stains all in it and dents. However, after all this fighting and bickering, the fact remains that the two fight over it. Countries like the US don’t even care who owns the islands, just recognizing that they exist. In the end, it would make the most sense that the Argentinians own it, as it is in the same hemisphere and can actually govern. Though in terms of influence and actual leadership, the British probably own it. I’ve been told I need a girl, how do I get one? There are many different ways to woo a woman, which work regardless of your orientation (I don’t know who asked this, so let’s just play the field shall we?). My method, which was originally pioneered by the great powerhouse in the sky Jrd Mgrth, is the fast-­‐
food theory. This is, that to truly woo a woman, you must decide upon a mutually agreeable fast-­‐food place to constantly take your crush to. This will force a time of hanging out and sense of dependence on you for cheap easy sustenance that will open doors to future blossoming of feelings if you can even have those (yuck). For Jrd it was Checkers, a restaurant that has truly no redeeming qualities, which makes it baffling that the place is even open anymore (SHUT IT DOWN). For me, it was Cookout, with late night fry and milkshake runs providing ample and easy time to get to know someone. So my advice to you is to follow in the pioneers footsteps: Jrd found his Checkers girl, I found my Cookout girl, so go out and find your Taco Bell or Chik-­‐fil-­‐a or, god forbid, Chipotle girl. Best of luck my friend, but be careful – women do bite and it is attractive. Also please tell me the results because my dissertation is on this theory. High Class Restaurant Review: Taco Bell Taco Bell Order #420 Editor’s Note: Lint & Loose Change does not endorse the entirely sober and entirely legal mental state in which this article was written. We do, however, find the results hilarious, and we hope you do too. Taco Bell. What I got: #9 crunchwrap Delicous Warm and. Crunch Coke is also good. Fizzy and cold. also it is not soggy which is better than I expected Oh no, the crunchwrap is leaking -­‐1 pts! Also, this crunchwrap is way more food than expected and I’m getting full. So I won’t be able to eat the taco that it came with, but I’m sure it’s pretty good Packaging defect: [steak] quesadilla package Not only did I not notice the “tear here” instruction, the quesadilla steamed and stuck inside the package. 8/10, only bc of packaging. <3 you TB All in all it was an [ok] experience 8/10 would recommend (insert okay emoji here) By Sara Konecny 38 39