In Dad`s Lap - Compassionate Friends

VOLUME 7, ISSUE 9
Chapter Leader: Denise St. Pierre
SEPTEMBER 2014
504-265-0581
Email address:
[email protected]
In Dad’s
Lap
Transition in Grief
It is good to speak of our children, to recall the wonderful memories of
their lives. It is good to honor our children with ritual, ceremony, prayer,
and thanksgiving for the gift that will always be our child. It is good to
celebrate the life of our child, to cherish our time with them.
It is also wise to acknowledge that by honoring our child in these ways, we
are doing our grief work. This work also involves pushing, pulling, and
dragging ourselves through the purgatorial fog that transcends our every
thought after our child dies. The grief is overwhelming; the process of grief
work is demanding, punishing, and often harsh.
Either we stay in one place, "stuck" in our grief, or we reach out and help
ourselves. There are no other choices.
The loss of our child to death is the most traumatic event of our adult lives.
We have lost the future, and we have lost an immense piece of ourselves
when our child died. We must work to rebuild ourselves. Rebuild ourselves
for a new life: a life without our child sharing this physical plane with us.
But as we share our child with others, speak of the life that no longer is,
celebrate that life in ritual, ceremony. And memories shared, we are doing
our grief work. At first it is difficult. The throat swells, the breathing is
shallow, and the words are so difficult to find. But we pursue, for we do
not want the memory of our child to be erased.
We carry our child forward into the future; we see the world for two now.
We cherish this new journey that we take for our child and ourselves.
This effort is our child's legacy. Our child will live as long as we
live….through our words, actions, thoughts, memories, and memorial
efforts.
And as we do these things that are good, we find the burden lifts ever so
slightly. Days, weeks, months, and then years pass. At some point we
realize that we, too, have transitioned. Our subconscious mind has accepted
the worst that life can give, and we have emerged as different people
cherishing the goodness that is always our precious child.
Annette Mennen Baldwin
TCF, Katy, TX
In Memory of my son, Todd Mennen
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www.tcfneworleans.com
MONTHLY MEETINGS
September 8, 2014
MEETING TOPIC:
"Vacationing Without Your Child"
2nd Monday of every month
East Jefferson Hospital
4200 Houma Blvd.
Metairie, LA 70006
Time: 7:00 PM – 9:00 PM
On the 1st floor, adjacent to the
Hudson St. garage, Esplanade II
room
UPCOMING EVENTS
• October 12th – Children’s
Memorial Walk
• December 14th – WW Candle
Lighting
REGIONAL COORDINATOR
Denise St. Pierre
504-454-5078
[email protected]
NATIONAL OFFICE
The Compassionate Friends
PO Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
[email protected]
www.compassionatefriends.org
BIRTHDAY TABLE: We remembered birthdays in AUGUST for: GG. Arnold;
Kerry Degyter; April Blossum Duran; Jeffrey Hergert; Kim Kimble; Joshua
LeJeune; Joshua Matranga. We do encourage both you & your family to come when it is your child’s birthday
month, to share your child with all of us. You will receive a special birthday gift in memory of your child.
Roxanne Hergert is lovingly giving these tokens in memory of her son, Jeffrey Hergert. Bring that treasured
picture of your child that always makes you smile so we may smile with you.
The cake for the month of August was in memory of
April Blossum Duran, Jeffrey Hergert, Joshua LeJeune.
NEWSLETTER INFORMATION
Sponsoring a newsletter is a way to remember your child at any special time through the year. You may
include a picture of your child and a brief poem, story etc. about your child. A donation of $15 will help
cover the cost of postage for the newsletter. Please make all submissions by the due date listed on the
child remembered page.
PICTURE BOARD: If you would like your child’s picture on our beautiful butterfly picture boards, bring
one to a meeting and it will be added to our boards.
COOKBOOKS: are available for purchase. The cookbook is dedicated to all our angels and it shows with
the beautiful artwork throughout the book, along with the delicious, home-style recipes. Each recipe has a
special meaning for a special angel. It will definitely bring back warm and love filled memories of our
angels. The cookbooks are on sale for $15. If you would like it mailed the cost will be $15 plus a $3
shipping/handling fee. To get a book please call Denise St. Pierre at 504-265-0581.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Help Support Our Chapter by buying this unique pen that has a flashlight, stylus and is a quality ink writing pen. It is
laser etched with our chapter’s name, phone number and website. This will make a great gift for families’ and out of
town friends. The cost is $12 per pen. Contact Denise or Duffy St. Pierre 265-0581 if you would like a pen. Thank
you for your support of our chapter!
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________
ATTENTION: Duffy St. Pierre is the contact person for bereaved fathers who may feel the need to speak with
another dad. Men grieve differently than women and it may be very helpful for fathers to speak to another father about
their grief. Dads, feel free to contact Duffy at 985-665-6250 or you can email him at [email protected] He will
be glad to speak with you.
WEST BANK CONTACT: Anyone living on the west bank who would like to speak with a member of TCF you can
contact Mary Adams 669-7731.
Our child’s birthday is still such an important day to us bereaved parents. Many other family
members do not call or acknowledge this special day for fear of making us upset. However, at TCF
this is where we want to be able celebrate our child’s birthday and remember the love we still have
for them no matter how long it has been since they died. Our chapter is now offering you the
opportunity to sponsor the birthday cake for the month of your child’s birthday. You may do so by
email or calling Denise St. Pierre. The cake must be purchased through East Jefferson Hospital.
The cost for the cake is $40. We can all celebrate your child’s birthday.
A BIG THANK YOU: to Charlene Alexander, Patsy Ashton, Nancy Kimble, Melody Lindow, and Linda Wilson,
for folding, stamping and mailing of the August newsletters. Thank you ladies!
Pregnancy & Infant Loss Page
My name is Jennifer Jonkers, I am 26 years old, and the mother
to two beautiful children. A daughter, Mia, and a son Connor,
who was stillborn. My fiancé Chad and I found out we were
pregnant in August of 2013, and while it was not planned we
were very excited. November came and we found out we were
expecting a baby boy. It was that same day we found out he also
had a two-vessel cord (instead of having one vein and two
arteries, he had one of each). We were told that it is fairly
common in some pregnancies, and typically babies that have this
issue tend to be very healthy. Chad and I felt pretty confident
with the information we were given, so we decided to stay
positive and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy. My pregnancy was,
for a lack of better words, tumultuous. I constantly suffered from
morning sickness, and in February I was hospitalized with
dehydration and the flu; I was exhausted. But every time he
kicked or punched me, it was confirmation that he was okay, and
that I was that much closer to having him in my arms. March 1113 I was hospitalized off and on for severe dehydration; his
movements stopped altogether, and although I did feel him twice
on two separate occasions, I KNEW something was wrong. I was
discharged on March 13 with the assurance that my son was
doing great, in comparison to the previous two days I spent in the
hospital. On March 16, 2014 I went back to the hospital
complaining, again, of the same symptoms. While the nurse tried
to hook the fetal heart monitor on my belly, I noticed she kept
moving it around way too much. After performing an ultrasound,
I was told my son was dead. Disbelief and shock hit me first. I
was only 36 weeks, he was going to be too small! (at least, that
was what all the doctors were telling me) and I was so scared. We
decided to start labor immediately, and at 12:30 a.m. our son was
born. His umbilical cord was wrapped three times around his
abdomen. I have never heard a room so eerily quiet in all my life,
and I was concerned about what he looked like. When the nurse
placed him in my arms, my heart swelled with pride and love. He
was 4lbs. 12oz. of utter perfection, and his looks exceeded my
expectations! All the heart burn was worth it, he had a head full
of jet black hair, fat chipmunk cheeks, and the trademark big,
round Locascio eyes. Chad and I named him Connor Michael
Locascio. After Connor's death I constantly battled with a bevy of
emotions: depression, loneliness, anger, and jealousy to name a
few, and I found myself becoming a prisoner of my own
thoughts. Until I found The Compassionate Friends. I have met
two beautiful, and inspiring women Mrs. Denise and Mandy,
through this group, and I am so excited to meet many more. I am
thrilled and honored to be a part of this pregnancy/infant loss
group, because not only is it a platform for awareness, but it is
also providing a place for mothers to know that you are not alone.
We are here for you!
Just Those Few Weeks
For those few weeks ~
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
To be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks ~
I came to know you…
And to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you.
Just those few weeks ~
When I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
Plans, dreams and aspirations.
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks ~
It wasn’t enough time to convince others
How special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
And no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks ~
And no “normal” person would cry all night
Over a tiny, unfinished baby,
Or get depressed and withdrawn day after endless
day.
No one would, so why am I?
You were just those few weeks, my little one.
You darted in and out of my life too quickly,
But it seems that’s all the time you needed
To make my life so much richer
~Author unknown ~
Group Leader – Contact Info
Jennifer Jonkers
504-939-6096
[email protected]
Connor Michael Locascio – March 16, 2014
September and a New School Year
For My Compassionate Friends
How is it that I know you?
How'd you get into my life?
Sometimes when I look at you,
The kids out from under foot, caps on.
It cuts me like a knife.
Buying a new lunch box, new clothes and the usual school
I do not want to know you,
supplies.
I don't want to cross that line.
Fixing breakfast and trying to get it eaten.
Let's both go back into the past,
Getting to a school bus on time.
When everything was fine.
You've held me and you've hugged me,
What does school mean to a mother who has lost a child?
And dried a tear or two,
Yet, you're practically a stranger,
Watching other children filled with excitement.
Why do you do the things you do?
A little boy who should be in kindergarten.
Of course, I know the reason,
A brother who must go off to school by himself.
We are in this Club we're in,
A teacher who must reach out to a class, when her little one
And why we hold on to each other
Like we are long-lost kin.
won't be in school this year.
For us to know each other,
A mother sending two children off, when there should be
We had to lose a kid,
three.
I wish I'd never met you,
Many tears, behind smiling faces!
But, I'm so thankful that I did.
Marilyn Rollins
Patsy Hedges
TCF, Lake/Porter Counties, IN
TCF Frederick, MD
To most people school means:
For the Newly Bereaved
We welcome you, we are sorry for the cause that brings you to us and we know how devastated you
are. We have all been there. Nothing is required of you and there are no dues or fees. You need not
speak a word or you can share. Attending your first meeting does take courage, but our members
who attend find a comforting network of support, friendship and understanding that only friends who
have "been there" can give. Based on our experiences, we suggest you attend three or four meetings
before evaluating the benefit of our group to you. Just come, be as comfortable as you can and let us
walk with you.
Meetings are a place to talk about your child, a place to remember the joys of their life and the pain
and struggle of living without them. It is a place to meet other parents who have in fact survived what
may seem impossible to you right now.
Meetings are not "the answer." Grief is not a problem to be solved and meetings are not "pity parties"
although there are tears and sadness, but there is also hope.
Meetings do not bring about closure. You close on a house, not the death of a child.
May you find your own peaceful solution to fit your individual needs for coping with special dates
which are painful after losing your child. We are here to help.
Janet G. Reyes TCF Alamo Area Chapter, TX
“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has
cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” —Albert Schweitzer
LOVE GIFT DEDICATION IN LOVING MEMORY OF
Kevin Michael Flock
9/15/73 – 05/31/09
On your 41st birthday, these words come to mind.
“You fluttered in my womb like a butterfly, and now you flutter in my soul, eternally a part of me.” *
Loving you and missing you every day – Mom, Dad, Denise, Harrison, Jordan & Reesi
* Sara Therese
******************************************************************************************
LOVE GIFT DEDICATION IN LOVING MEMORY OF
Cody Martin
February 27, 1989 ~ September 22, 2006
This explains why our hearts still ache from our loss of you --It has been said, “Time heals all wounds”. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its
sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessons. But it is never gone.
Rose Kennedy
Always missing you,
“Mom, Dad, Kate, Meaux. & Charlie”
**************************************************************************************************
Hello old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again. They say it will only be a while, but I really do miss
your smile. I always love to think of you, makes my heart feel so glad, then alone, this world I walk. To
dwell on that makes me sad. With your skill all the things you could do amaze me so. If it be His will.
Must I see you go? Guess I will never unde4rstand, just some answers I demand. Truly miss the times we
had, yes it really makes me mad. It was a privilege to be your dad. Wouldn’t change a thing you’ve done,
but dammed that stupid gun. Such a joy to watch you grow, now through life alone I go.
Missing you much, Dad
Written by Mike Silvestri, in loving memory of his son, Mike Silvestri, Jr.
Randall “ Randy” Greg Ardon
9/26/65 - 6/17/00
Dearest Randy,
This was to be in the June 2014 issue but was not entered...Fourteen years plus have gone by and it
seems like just yesterday. We have grown as a family and you are with us in all we do. You have made us smile with the
butterflies and fax machines tricks that we know you do.
The house is finally becoming a HOME. The art work, especially yours, is hanging all throughout and all
the furniture has been put in its place. We feel your presence in many ways especially when all the GEIGER items are on
display and hanging from the ceiling. Collin had some of his friends over when we first moved things in and they told him
that there is many neat things in the house. Sometimes we over compensate at times.
HUMMER is in the driveway as a decoration as people think. I will get behind the wheel and drive it
again. At this time it needs a little TLC which I am sure you would have given it. I have started to use my cooking skills
again, but I do not come close to what you could do. This is one heck of a kitchen for a novice, but I am enjoying it.
We will celebrate on
Sept 26th and send special notes in the balloons, as we have in past years. I am
sure stories will be told, we never seem to run out of or get tired of telling Randy stories.
Collin received the highest honor at his school’s athletic award ceremony in May. He received top male
athlete and even more special he received the award for Sportsmanship throughout the entire school. At this time we
think he may a better athlete than you and Ryan, but he must get his talent from y'all. Collin made the JPRD 13 yr. Old
East Bank All Star team this summer. The team competed in the State Tournament in Sulphur, La. and the won State.
From there they were World Series bound in the wonderful city of Bossier City, La, if this were next year we would have
been going to South Carolina, but we still had a great time and they came in world Series Runner-Ups. The night after we
returned we were looking on the computer looking for a write up on the game and up on the computer screen came a
big picture of Collin pitching in the World Series. He must get the pitching talent from you, and on the television screen in
Bossier City was Cate cheering from the stands. Collin started Brother Martin last month and plans on playing football
and baseball. He seems to enjoy the experience of the larger school.
Cate is continuing her dancing and doing very well. She dances with Rommel's daughter and they have
competed in 5 dance competitions and taken top honors in 4 of those. The revue was great and this year we had 6
dances to watch. What a performer she is. Cate had cheer camp in July and is a proud member of the St. Clement
Cheerleading team. Cate will start 4th grade this year and it seems like yesterday she was getting pulled out of the car to
go into school.
Well a week after all the excitement has ended for the kids it is now school time. LET THE FUN BEGIN
In closing we all Love and miss you more than yesterday but less than tomorrow.
Hugs and Kisses, Mom, Ryan, Shelly, Collin & Cate
GERRY PROVANCE
03/25/82 - 09/03/08
It is your 6th angel day and we love and miss you as much now as we did six years
ago. Our love for you will never die.
GERRY
How much I miss you being here,
I really cannot say,
The ache is deep inside my heart,
And never goes away.
If only someone had asked me
If I would take your place,
I would have done so willingly
Leaving you this world to grace.
You should have had so many years
To watch your life unfold,
And in the mist of this
Watch me, your mom grow old!
I hope you are watching from above,
At the daily tasks I do,
And let there be no doubt at all
I really do and always will love you.
Source: www.familyfriendpoems.com
Our Children Remembered
September Birthdays
Sean A. DiGiovanni
Blake James Carver
Mark J. Sidney
Cory Hayosonna Mouret
Joshua William McNulty
Lynne Vega
Arthur J. “Jay” LaVie, V
Kyle David Chryssoverges
Carrie Ellen Gore
Dayna Marie Hager
Cole Kelly Barnhart
Jennifer Lynn
Kevin Michael Flock
Ryan Plattsmier
Andrew Paul Martinez
Meagan Leah Barrilleaux
Gabrielle Paige Watkins
Michael Hergert
Randall “Randy” Greg
Tanis Sansoni
September 1
September 1
September 2
September 2
September 4
September 5
September 5
September 5
September 8
September 9
September 9
September 14
September 15
September 15
September 16
September 22
September 25
September 26
September 26
September 26
Son of Diane Vitrano
Son of Cathy Vega; Brother of Brett; Father of Aleah; Grandson of Marie Vega
Son of Shirley Lundy-Connor
Son of Deanna Mouret
Son of Pam McNulty
Daughter of Marie Vega; Mother of Jenna Vega
Son of Gail LaVie; Brother of Michelle and Louis
Son of David and Shelley Chryssoverges
Daughter of Don and Ann Gore
Daughter of Chris & Susie Smits
Son of Holly & Kenny Barnhart
Daughter of Mary Ann Piazza; Sister of Jonathan
Son of Janice and Jim Flock
Son of Mary Ann and Randy Plattsmier
Son of Larry and Lenore Martinez
Daughter of Tiffany and James Percle; Sister of Taylor and Austin
Daughter of Gary S. Watkins
Son of Eileen Hergert
Son of Diane Ardon; Brother of Ryan
Daughter of Jamie Sansoni; Sister of Harley
IT WILL BE ANOTHER BIRTHDAY WITHOUT YOU
The sun will shine
roses bloom, geese fly
throughout the sky
serving angelfood cupcakes
with rainbow icing
coated with tears
stocks will trade,
the weatherman predict
politicians debate
fluctuating between emotions:
the grief over death
the celebration over birth
it'll seem like another day
just a day, same 24 hours
not a special holiday
For this mother
it will be yet
another birthday without you.
But to this mother
who will stand at the grave
lifting balloons into the sky
In Memory of Daniel
Alice J. Wisler
TCF Wake County, NC
A Newsletter Dedication is a special page dedicated in memory of your child with any favorite poem or writing you submit.
A Love Gift is a short one or two sentence message in your child’s memory. You may use the form below for love gifts.
Make checks payable to: The Compassionate Friends. Mail to: Denise St. Pierre, 4541 Loveland St., Metairie, LA 70006 (265-0581)
Your Name ____________________________________________________________Phone ________________________________
Your Child __________________________________________Birthday ___________________Date of Death__________________
Message____________________________________________________________________________________________________
NOTE: Love Gifts/Dedications to be put in the October newsletter are due September 22nd!
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away!
September Anniversaries
Loretta Jones
Gerry Provance
James (Jimmy) Flotte
Brady Thomas
Aaron Stephen Lopp
Charlette Marie Simmons
Gabrielle Paige Watkins
Cole Kelly Barnhart
Dionne Marie Williams
Sean Baine Fox
Kentanah Kenton Sims
Christopher Drefahl
Holden Poole
Andrew Paul Martinez
Brandi Mitchell-Edwards
William John Smeltz
Lacy
Robert Kymm Hickman
Ashley Elizabeth
Cody Patrick Martin
Matthew Boudreaux
Joseph P. Traina
Melissa Ann Moser
Kayla Quinnisha Ward
Lamonte Jordan Smith
Gabriela “Gabby” Hebert
Courtney A. Jordan Carroll
Sean A. DiGiovanni
Justin Henry
David Joseph Rome
September 1
September 3
September 3
September 7
September 7
September 7
September 8
September 9
September 9
September 10
September 10
September 13
September 15
September 16
September 17
September 18
September 18
September 19
September 19
12-13-85 – 22
09September
September 23
September 24
September 24
September 26
September 26
September 26
September 28
September 28
September 28
September 29
Daughter of Katie Cenance-Jones
Son of Gerry and Linda Provance; Sister of Deena
Son of Claudia E. Flotte
Son of Merideth Eldridge
Son of Sonya Batten
Daughter of Betty LeBlanc; Niece of Cheryl Jones
Daughter of Gary S. Watkins
Son of Holly & Kenny Barnhart
Daughter of JoAnn Williams, Jr.; Sister of Brian
Grandson of Patricia and Cary Becker
Son of Shantrell Coffil & Kendall Sims
Son of Joe Drefahl
Son of Shanti Poole
Son of Larry and Lenore Martinez
Daughter of Barbara Cothern
Son of Janice and Victor Smeltz; Brother of Nicholas
Daughter of Mary Curlin
Son of Thomas & Bettie Eugene
Niece of Vicki Tosh
Son of Jill & Rob Martin; Brother of Kaitlyn; Grandson of Betty & Charles Boudreaux
Son of Julie and Ronnie Hemenway
Son of Cynthia and Paul Blache; Brother of Nicole Traina
Daughter of Kathy and Joe Moser
Daughter of Mildred Honore
Son of Marta Tuyet-Martin
Daughter of Rachel and Todd Hebert
Daughter of Emilie D. Lacoste
Son of Diane Vitrano
Grandson-in-law of Marsha Bohrer
Son of Tina Rome; Brother of Melissa and Paul
Missing You
I just can't believe it...
The sun still rises and sets,
The moon and stars still shine,
The flowers still bloom, The birds still sing.
I expected a change in everything
I just can't believe it...
It still gets dark and light,
The ocean still has waves,
The rain still rains, The wind still blows,
Is it because they do not know?
I just can't believe it...
I thought the world would stop
When in my house I found
an empty chair, a missing smile
I thought it would stop For just a while.
I just can't believe it...
Gretta Viney
TCF Yakima, WA
Love Gift
Val Roudolfich in memory of
Paul Roudolfich, Jr.
Thank you for your generous donations to
TCF- Greater New Orleans.
These ‘love gifts’ allow us to provide our local chapter
with special events, the TCF Newsletter, Web site and
more!
Our chapter is operated entirely by volunteers dedicated to furthering the work of TCF. Your voluntary,
tax deductible donations honor your loved one(s) in a meaningful way by enabling us to print and mail
this newsletter and meet other expenses involved in reaching out to other grieving families (100% of funds
are used for this outreach). Donations, along with the name of the person being honored, may be sent to:
Greater New Orleans Chapter of The Compassionate Friends
Please detach and return completed donation form to:
4541 Loveland St., Metairie, LA 70006
I would like to make a donation in the amount of $_________________________.
(Please make check payable to (TCF). My donation is made in honor and in memory of:
_______________________________________________________________________________________
TCF Mission Statement
The Mission of The Compassionate Friends: When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and
may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and
support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and
helps others better assist the grieving family.
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ATTENTION:
The Compassionate Friends is pleased to announce that Dallas, Texas, will be the site of the 38th TCF
National Conference on July 10-12, 2015. "Hope Shines Bright ... Deep in the Heart" is the theme of next
year's event, which promises more of this year's great national Conference experience. The 2015 Conference
will be held at the Hyatt Regency Downtown Dallas. We'll keep you updated with details here, on the national
website as well as on our TCF/USA Facebook Page and elsewhere as they become available. Plan to come and
be a part of this heartwarming experience.