Newsletter May 2013
Transcription
Newsletter May 2013
Volume 8 Issue 5 May 2013 The Compassionate Friends Brevard Chapter OUR MISSION STATEMENT When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family. TCF Brevard Chapter Web Site www.tcfofbrevardnc.org/tcf/home.htm TCF Brevard Newsletter Monthly Meeting PO Box 304 Brevard, NC 28712 Always the 2nd Monday of the month May 13, 2013 Editor: 7:00 PM at the Vickie Van Antwerp 828-877-5172 The Lutheran Church of the Good Shepherd [email protected] 22 Fisher Rd. Brevard This Month’s Topic Chapter Leaders Marisol and Bill Gollnick Mother’s Day 828-890-8227 (Home) 828-329-9783 (Cell) [email protected] To all of our TCF Moms Anticipating Mother’s Day by Have a blessed and Annette Mennen Baldwin Page 2 Steering Committee Vickie Van Antwerp 828-877-5172 peaceful Mother’s Day [email protected] Sharon Bach 828-884-6154 [email protected] Joanne Snyder 828-885-2896 [email protected] Poems page3 filled with loving memories and unbridled hope. Our Children Memorials Page 4-7 Caroline Smith 770-335-4343 [email protected] National TCF Office PO Box 3696 Oakbrook, IL 60522-0246 Toll Free: (877) 969-0010 Fax: (630)-990-0246 [email protected] www.compassionatefriends.org P a g e 2 T h e C o m p a s s i o n a t e F r i e n d s Anticipating Mother’s Day Before we lost our children to death, Mother’s Day was a happy time. We each reflect back on Mother’s Days past…...gifts, cards, special memories and one day set aside to acknowledge the best in our relationship with our treasured children. With the death of our child, this dynamic was forever transfigured. Now, instead of looking forward to this day, we grasp at anything that will keep our minds away from it. Yet the anxiety still creeps into our minds and hearts; our stomachs churn and tears fill our eyes at the most inopportune moments. The dreadful countdown begins in late April and lasts for nearly three weeks. This is the eighth Mother’s Day I have endured since the death of my son. Each year I have the same, desperate anxiety, yet each year the day is a bit easier to handle. Each year the anticipation is far worse than the day itself…. “borrowing trouble” as my dad would say. Since my son is my only child, I do not have the comfort of other children nor do I have the need to put on a happy face. Instead, I am able to choose what I will do without feeling the burden of guilt. While my first Mother’s Day was filled with tears, subsequent Mother’s Days have been more subdued. The choice to embrace or ignore Mother’s Day is yours alone. Many bereaved mothers adopt a new perspective which honors their child and still gives normalcy to their family. Mother’s Day is bittersweet for us. The pain is part of the love that we will feel for our children for eternity. We wouldn’t trade one treasured moment for a cosmic reduction of our pain. Some of us plan the day carefully. Some of us just “go with the flow.” Some of us weep; some of us work. Some of us read, some of us revel in this special moment set aside just for mothers. Each of us makes a choice that is based on our own truth. The day itself is not nearly as overwhelming as the buildup of anxiety and sadness which precedes it. I have found this to be true of all holidays, birthdays, death anniversaries and special occasions. I am trying to live in the moment. When the moment of Mother’s Day happens, I will decide what I should do. I refuse to let others pressure me. I refuse to become maudlin over greeting card commercials and heart-grabbing point-ofpurchase marketing efforts. I will not be manipulated by the agenda of others. But on Mother’s Day, as on each day of the year, I will think of my son, remembering the child he was and the man he became. I will honor his life by doing the best I can with what is left of my life. I will remain in the moment and treasure my memories. And for this mother, that is enough. Annette Mennen Baldwin In memory of my son, Todd Mennen TCF, Katy, TX V o l u m e 8 I s s u e 5 P a g e 3 C o m p a s s i o n a t e f r i e n d s A s a f e p l a c e t o t a l k There is a need to talk, without trying to give reasons. No reason is going to be acceptable when you hurt so much. A hug, the touch of a hand, expressions of concern, a willing listener was and still is the things that helped the most. The people who were the greatest help were not judgmental. It’s most helpful when people understand that what is needed is to talk about it and that this is part of the grief process. "The object of good grief is to remember, not relive." author unknown. To Our New Members Coming to the first meeting is the hardest, but you have nothing to lose and everything to gain! Try not to judge your first meeting as to whether or not The Compassionate Friends will work for you. At the next meeting you may find just the right person or just the right words said that will help you in your grief work. To Our Members Who Are Further Down The “Grief Road” We need your encouragement and your support. Each meeting we have new parents. THINK BACK – what would it have been like for you at your first meeting if there had not been any TCF “veterans” to welcome you, share your grief, encourage you and tell you, “your pain will not always be this bad, it really does get better!” It Is True "You will not always hurt like this." These words are true. If they do not reach your heart today, do not reject them: keep them in your mind. One morning - not tomorrow perhaps, but the day after tomorrow, or the month after next month. One morning the dawn will wake you with inconceivable surprise: Your grief will have lost one small moment of its force. Be ready for the time when you feel for yourself that these words are true: "You will not always hurt like this." Sascha Surviving There's no way to know, in those first, early years, if the crying will stop, be an ending to tears. But slowly, so slowly, through the grieving and time, will come moments and days, when hopefulness shines. Backwards and forwards, into darkness, then out, we begin to start living; scraps of new life peek out. This happens most surely, survivors will tell, when we find time for others and give of ourselves. Genesse Bourdeau Gentry Page 4 OUR CHILDREN Sunrise and Sunset Dates Love that can not be quenched Our beautiful children forever remembered Children Sunrise 5/24 Adrienne Christy Altman Anna Marie Leonard 5/13 Brandt Michael Koehler 5/10 Bronson David Shepherd Carlene Price Catherine Good Jolley Donna Sheehan Jack Lloyd Capps Jeremy William Adams Jose Luis Santos Sunset 5/24 5/31 5/10 5/05 5/28 5/15 Josh Glen Shipman 5/19 Joshua Augustino Barbara 5/05 Kevin Drake 5/05 Lea Lisa Bolt Melanie Brooke Thompson Melanie Lorene Stoeppelwerth 5/15 5/11 5/18 1998 Melanie Brown Possinger Preston Thomas Sloop 5/06 Robert Eric Nelson Stephanie Dawn Hoyle Steven Gerard Smith 5/10 5/11 5/24 5/14 Birthday Table Every month at our chapter meeting, we provide a Birthday Table. In the month of your child’s birthday, if you are ready to do so, please bring pictures and small mementos of your child to place on the table. You may also bring a favorite cake, cookies, or other snacks, flowers, candles or balloons for the table in memory of your child. We do this to celebrate our children’s lives and to share their special day with others who understand. If you would like your child’s picture to appear on this remembrance page or if you have a memorial you want printed, please send me an email at [email protected] with their picture as an attachment in a jpeg or bmp. format. Page 5 In Memory of Our Beautiful Children Brandt Michael Koehler Melanie Brown Possinger Melanie Lorene Stoeppelwerth Melanie Brooke Thompson Page 6 Love Gifts – A Way to Remember There are no dues to belong to the Compassionate Friends, because we have already paid the ultimate price; the loss of our loved one (s). A Love Gift is a gift of money given in Honor of a child who has died from their family members or as a Memorial from friends. Your gifts are tax deductible and are used to reach out to other bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings. Your gifts support this newsletter, our TCF Library, Brochures and other Chapter Expenses. In Memory of: ___________________________________________________________________________ From: ________________________________________________________________________________________ TCF of Brevard PO Box 304 Brevard, NC 28712 You are not forgotten my child. I see you in the creases of my mind and I feel you in the chambers of my heart. VVA The Compassionate Friends of Brevard PO Box 304 Brevard, NC 28712 RETURN SERVICE REQUESTED May 2013 Newsletter _________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ Our Credo... We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. We reach out to each other with love, with understanding, and with hope. The children we mourn have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for them unites us. Your pain becomes my pain, just as your hope becomes my hope. We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances. We are a unique family because we represent many races, creeds, and relationships. We are young, and we are old. Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that they feel helpless and see no hope. Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength, while some of us are struggling to find answers. Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression, while others radiate an inner peace. But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain we will share, just as we share with each other our love for the children who have died. We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are committed to building a future together. We reach out to each other in love to share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts, and help each other to grieve as well as to grow. We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. ©2007