Newsletter March 2012

Volume 7 Issue 3
March 2012
The Compassionate Friends
Brevard Chapter
A self-help organization offering friendship and understanding to bereaved parents
TCF Brevard Chapter Web Site
www.tcfofbrevardnc.org/tcf/home.htm
TCF Brevard Newsletter
PO Box 304
Brevard, NC 28712
Editor:
Vickie Van Antwerp
828-877-5172
[email protected]
Chapter Leaders
Marisol and Bill Gollnick
828-890-8227 (Home)
828-329-9783 (Cell)
[email protected]
Monthly Meeting
Grieving the loss of your child is like no other grief. You
Always
the 2nd Monday
experience physical and mental symptoms that even the
of
the month
medical community can’t explain. Here are some that you
might recognize:
Sighing. You do a lot of it in the beginning. I think it is
March 12, 2012
because you are giving your body and emotions a break.
7:00 PM at the
Ok, I am stressed, now I can sigh, let the air out of my
lungs, let my body relax for a second. You keep doing this, The Lutheran Church of
over and over again because the stress level keeps building
the Good Shepherd
up inside. The sigh is like a pressure valve. Just a little
22 Fisher Rd. Brevard
stress is let out, then again, and again.
Bereaved parents have been diagnosed with post traumatic
stress syndrome, broken heart syndrome and distinct postThis Month’s Topic
loss syndrome. Call them what you will, the grief over loosOpen Discussion
ing a child is in a class all of its own.
Just about every physical symptom that you can think of is
experienced with grief; chest pain, dry mouth, nausea,
Book Reviews
sweats, aches, and restlessness. Some emotional symptoms
Page 2 & 3
are; the inability to remember anything, wandering around
aimlessly, wringing your hands, mad, sad, yelling, crying,
Acknowledge
no ambition, depression, giddiness, denial, it goes on.
new visitors
How do we go on? If you have even one person in your life
Page 3
that you desperately love- there is your answer. Getting up
in the morning, relinquishing the day to night, its all part of
Memorials
living each day, joy or not, its living and the person (s) we
Page
4&5
love and who love us, are grateful that we are here.
Steering Committee
Vickie Van Antwerp
828-877-5172
[email protected]
Sharon Bach
828-884-6154
[email protected]
Joanne Snyder
828-885-2896
[email protected]
Caroline Smith
770-335-4343
[email protected]
TCF National Announces a new Webinar titled
Coping with Guilt During Bereavement
Scheduled to air March 8, 2012
8:00 P.M. - 9:00 P.M.
Our presenter is Dr. Bob Baugher who is a psychologist and certified death educator and teaches at
Highline Community College in Des Moines, Washington. He is a 25-year member of the advisory
board of the South King County Chapter of The Compassionate Friends. From 1995-1996 Bob served
as a clinician with the University of Washington for the Parent Bereavement Project. Bob is the author
of grief-related books, one of which is titled, Understanding Guilt during Bereavement. He has been
invited as a workshop presenter at TCF's National Conference for the past 15 years. In this webinar
Dr. Baugher will explore clues to guilt, types of guilt, and suggestions for coping with it.
You can watch this video on your computer in the privacy of your own home
Reserve your Webinar seat now at:https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/421470754
National TCF Office PO Box 3696 Oakbrook, IL 60522-0246
Toll Free: (877) 969-0010 Fax: (630)-990-0246 [email protected]
www.compassionatefriends.org
P a g e
T h e
2
C o m p a s s i o n a t e
F r i e n d s
BOOK REVIEW
“Bright Hope”
Author LuAnne De Vries
with Joel Armstrong
Amanda Dawn Yung Wallenburg
(Mandy)
February 27, 1986—December 6, 2009
“A story about grief and hope through the storms of life”
“Be still and know that I am God”
Psalm 46:10
THE ANGUISH OF LOSING A CHILD HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS “A RAW, SHARP, EDGE OF PAIN”---A
PAIN THAT RIPS AT THE VERY SOUL. IN THIS BOOK, LU DEVRIES REACHES OUT TO HER READERS,
SHARING THE LIFE OF HER DAUGHTER, THEIR BOND OF LOVE, AND THE TRAGIC LOSS WHEN HER
DAUGHTER DIED AT THE AGE OF TWENTY-THREE. LU DETAILS THE EARLY STAGES OF HER GRIEF
JOURNEY—A JOURNEY THAT CONTINUES TODAY—AND TELLS OF HOW SHE STRIVES TO KEEP
THEIR BOND ALIVE IN HER HEART EVERY DAY. AS SHE TRAVELS HER JOURNEY TODAY, SHE FOCUSES ON THE ONLY SURE SOURCES OF COMFORT AND LIGHT: GOD’S ABIDING GRACE, HIS
PROMISES, AND THE HOPE OF HER FUTURE IN HEAVEN WHEN ONCE AGAIN SHE WILL BE REUNITED WITH HER DAUGHTER.
Dr. Marcie Moran, Grief therapist wrote “Forward” for this book, quote: “ I look forward to recommending this book to the staff and participants of our future grieving programs”
Other book endorsements:
Dave Branon--Author of “Beyond the Valley” and writer for Our Daily Bread devotional. RBC Ministries
Mark Triplett --Author of “From Mayhem to Miracles” Founder and director of LNF Ministries
Gloria Horsley, PhD-- Author of “Open to Hope” President of The Open to Hope Foundation.
Debi Boyle, R.N., M.S.N., AOCNS, FAAN-- Author of “Nurturance for Nurses: Reflections for Compassionate healers.”
This book can be purchased through Amazon.com
The profit from this book will go into an adoption fund.
(Mandy was adopted from Korea at the age of 3 months)
You may contact Lu at [email protected]
V o l u m e
7
I s s u e
3
P a g e
BOOK REVIEW
3
C o m p a s s i o n a t e f r i e n d s
A s a f e p l a c e t o t a l k
There is a need to talk, without trying to
give reasons. No reason is going to be
acceptable when you hurt so much. A
hug, the touch of a hand, expressions of
concern, a willing listener was and still is
the things that helped the most. The
people who were the greatest help were
not judgmental. It’s most helpful when
people understand that what is needed is
to talk about it and that this is part of the
grief process.
"The object of good grief is to remember,
not relive."
author unknown.
To Our New Members
Coming to the first meeting is the hardest, but you have nothing to lose and
everything to gain! Try not to judge
your first meeting as to whether or not
The Compassionate Friends will work
for you. At the next meeting you may
find just the right person or just the right words
said that will help you in your grief work.
To Our Members Who Are Further Down
The “Grief Road”
We need your encouragement and your support.
Each meeting we have new parents. THINK
BACK – what would it have been like for you
at your first meeting if there had not been any
TCF “veterans” to welcome you, share your
grief, encourage you and tell you, “your pain
will not always be this bad, it really does get
better!”
BOOK REVIEW
Robin’s Wings: Lessons from My Daughter on How to Grieve for My Only Child
Robin Joy Sillau and Holly Snow Sillau
Holly and Robin, mother and daughter, share their heartfelt words with
readers. You’ll discover Robin’s intuitive advice to her mom about how to
handle the grief Holly is faced with upon the unexpected death of her only
child. Holly finds, in the writings Robin left behind, comfort, guidance, and
soul-searching warmth, all of which are helpful navigational tools for learning to incorporate deep grief into her new existence. Bereaved parents, and
anyone experiencing loss, will surely benefit from the expressive reflections
of both of these courageous women.
You can find the book on amazon.com. On the book’s amazon page,
you can read several reviews, and you can also use the “look inside” feature
provided by amazon to see a few pages from the book’s interior. All proceeds from the sale of this inspiring book will go to the Robin Joy Sillau
Memorial Research Fund for Connective Tissue Disease at New York
City’s Hospital for Special Surgery.
We would like to acknowledge the following parents and siblings
who recently joined us during a meeting or event.
We are grateful that we are able to be here for you, and hope you will find our chapter
a place of comfort and strength during your grief journey.
Lisa Thomas mother of
Alisha Vasquez sister of
Joseph Caney Steven Ramsey
Jim and Kelly Bellamy parents of
Joseph Brian Bellamy
Page 4
OUR CHILDREN
Sunrise and Sunset Dates
Love that can not be quenched
Our beautiful children forever remembered
Children
Sunrise
Sunset
Anna W. Huneycutt
3/06
Beckie Ensley
3/10
Charles Curtis Carlisle
3/11
Christian “Kade” Warriner
3/15
Douglas Lynch
3/06
Janette Moser Laderer
3/26
Jeremy William Adams
3/01
Jillian Brooke Folsom
3/24
Michael (Mike) Richard O’Hara
3/04
Mila August Kohute
3/22
Robert Jason Morgan
3/21
Ryan David Dieterich
3/12
Thomas (Tommy) Snyder
3/06
er
arrin
W
”
Kade
ian “
t
i
r
h
C
uneycutt
Anna W. H
Robert Jason Morgan
Rya
nD
avid
Jeremy William Adams
ie
arlis
Mila
st K
Augu
ich
Dou
glas
L
ynch
rtis C
s Cu
le
Char
Diet
er
ohute
Janette Moser Laderer
lsom
Beckie Ensley
ra
) O’Ha
l (Mike
Michae
Jillia
Fo
ooke
r
B
n
Thomas (Tommy) Snyder
Birthday Table
Every month at our chapter meeting, we provide a Birthday Table. In the month of your child’s birthday, if you are ready to do so,
please bring pictures and small mementos of your child to place on the table. You may also bring a favorite cake, cookies, or other
snacks, flowers, candles or balloons for the table in memory of your child. We do this to celebrate our children’s lives and to share
their special day with others who understand.
If you would like your child’s picture to appear on this remembrance page or if you have a memorial you want printed, please send
me an email at [email protected] with their picture as an attachment in a jpeg or bmp. format.
Page 5
In Memory of Our Children
Mike O’Hara
son of Joan O’Hara
Forever in
our hearts
Tommy Snyder
son of Thomas and Joanne
Snyder
Douglas Lynch
son of Isabel & Fred Lynch
Your absence has gone
through me
Like thread through a
needle
Everything I do is stitched
with its color
The Dance
And now I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would
end, the way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance.
I could have missed the pain,
but I’d have had to miss the dance.
WE Merwin, “Separation
The earth is getting ready to dress its self once again to remind us that we will live again..
Page 6
Love Gifts – A Way to Remember
There are no dues to belong to the Compassionate Friends, because we have already paid the ultimate price;
the loss of our loved one (s). A Love Gift is a gift of money given in Honor of a child who has died from
their family members or as a Memorial from friends. Your gifts are tax deductible and are used to reach out
to other bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings. Your gifts support this newsletter, our TCF Library,
Brochures and other Chapter Expenses.
In Memory of:
___________________________________________________________________________
From:
________________________________________________________________________________________
TCF of Brevard
PO Box 304
Brevard, NC 28712
You are not forgotten my child.
I see you in the creases of my mind and I
feel you in the chambers of my heart.
VVA
The Compassionate Friends of Brevard
PO Box 304
Brevard, NC 28712
RETURN SERVICE REQUESTED
March 2012 Newsletter
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
Our Credo...
We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. We reach out to each other with
love, with understanding, and with hope.
The children we mourn have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for
them unites us. Your pain becomes my pain, just as your hope becomes my hope.
We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances. We are a unique
family because we represent many races, creeds, and relationships. We are young, and we are old.
Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful
that they feel helpless and see no hope.
Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength, while some of us are struggling to
find answers. Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression, while others radiate an
inner peace. But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain
we will share, just as we share with each other our love for the children who have died.
We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are committed to building
a future together. We reach out to each other in love to share the pain as well as the joy, share
the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts, and help each other to grieve
as well as to grow.
We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. ©2007