MAP (not to scale) 101 North - Compassionate Friends of Marin

JULY-AUGUST 2014 ISSUE
This issue of the TCF Marin
Newsletter is sponsored by
Bruce and Louise Hubal
in loving memory of their
son, Matthew David Hubal,
07/01/1971 to 03/24/1994.
MEETING SITE
Lucas Valley Community Church
and Conference Room
2000 Las Gallinas Avenue
(at Lucas Valley Road)
San Rafael, CA
Meetings are the 3rd Tuesday of
each month at 7:30 pm. If this is
your first meeting, please come at
7:00 pm).
July 15, 2014
August 19, 2014
September 16, 2014
Directions – Exit 101 at Lucas
Valley Road and go WEST. Turn
RIGHT onto Las Gallinas, and
then make an immediate RIGHT
on to Ellen, then a RIGHT into
the parking lot. The Conference
Room is located in the first building next to the parking lot.
MAP
(not to scale)
PARK
Las Gallinas
Please call the TCF Hotline
(415/457-3123) prior to your first
meeting, so the facilitator knows
to welcome you.
101
North
Lucas Vly. Rd. Exit
less than 1/2 mi.
TCF Marin is happy to announce we will once again schedule Saturday walks
together. The walks will be on the 4th Saturday of each month and begin at 10
a.m., with locations designated in the newsletter. Here is the schedule for the
next three months:
Saturday, July 26, 2014 at 10 a.m.
A walk in the Corte Madera Marsh. This 2 mile walk is completely flat and
partially on a gravel roadbed.
From 101 South, take the Lucky Drive exit and turn right. The shopping center
will be on your left.
From 101 North, take Doherty Drive exit, then left at the light and left again to
go under the freeway, then left to shopping center on right.
Park in back of Cost Plus.
Saturday, August 23, 2014 at 10 a.m.
A walk in Samuel Taylor State Park. This 2+mile out and back walk is completely flat on a forest fire road.
This walk will start at the Leo Cronin Fish Viewing area just south of the park
on Sir Francis Drake Blvd. We will cross the road and walk towards the park.
Park in the Leo Cronin Fish Viewin parking lot. There is limited free parking,
so car pool if you can.
Saturday, September 27, 2014 at 10 a.m.
A walk along the San Rafael shoreline. This is an out and back walk beginning
at Pickleweed Park in San Rafael. We will walk the approx. mile to the Target
parking area, then back. Those who want a longer walk will have the option
to continue east along the water on the Jean and John Starkweather Shoreline
Trail.
From 101, take the Bellam Blvd. exit onto Bellam Blvd.heading north, then
left on Kerner to end at Canal St.
Park at Pickleweed Park in the Albert J. Boro Community Center parking lot
or along the road.
Please let us know if you plan to walk with us by e-mailing Genesse Gentry at
[email protected] or call the TCF phone line: 415.457.3123
____________________________________________
An important way to cope with grief
is having an outlet, be it interpersonal, be it artistic,
that will allow you to not have to contain your grief,
but will give you an opportunity to express it,
to externalize it to some degree. ~
R. Benyamin Cirlin, Grief counselor
RESOURCES
TCF Marin County, CA Chapter
P.O. Box 150935
San Rafael, CA 94915
www.tcfmarin.org
TCF Information Line
Eileen Rusky (415) 457-3123
TCF Marin Email:
[email protected]
TCF Marin Co-Leaders:
Liz Anderson
[email protected]
Richard Pedemonte
[email protected]
Northern CA Regional
Coordinator:
Nancy Juracka
[email protected]
Newsletter Editor and Webmaster:
Heinz Scheuenstuhl
[email protected]
TCF National Office:
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60533-3696
Phone: (630) 990-0010
Toll Free: (877) 969-0010
Fax: (630) 990-0246
Email: nationaloffice@
compassionatefriends.org
TCF National Website:
www.compassionatefriends.org
(offers supportive services and chat
rooms)
Additional Support Sites
opentohope.com
bereavedparents.com
survivorsofsuicide.com
griefspeaks.com
healingafterloss.org
childloss.com
Other Grief Counseling Resources
Hospice by the Bay offers individual
and group grief counseling.
Marin and SF (415) 526-5699
Sonoma (707) 931-7299
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.hospicebythebay.org
CHAPTER ANNOUNCEMENTS
Marin TCF Meeting Calendar
July 15, 2014
August 19, 2014
September 16, 2014
Coming to a TCF meeting for the first time ?
We recognize all too well that it takes courage to come to the first meeting,
whether you are a bereaved parent of one month or 5 years. You are welcome to
bring a friend or relative for moral support if you wish. You will find that it is all
right to cry or to laugh, to share how you feel or just listen. You are welcome to
come late and leave early. We recommend that you attend 2-3 meetings before
deciding if TCF is not for you. Each meeting is as varied as the attendees and the
topic.
You will meet parents in both early and late stages of the grief process. Longtime
members are present at meetings to help new members process the tremendous
losses in their lives, and to show that some time down the road of grief, they too
will be able to function and grow and learn how to live with these losses. It is
best if you contact TCF prior to your first meeting at (415) 457-3123 so we can
meet with you at 7:00 p.m. before the meeting begins.
_______________________________________________
37th National TCF Conference in Chicago, IL
The Compassionate Friends 37th National Conference will be held in
Chicago, IL on July 11-13, 2014. “Miles of Compassion through The
Winds of Hope” is the theme of this year’s event which promises more
of last year’s great national conference experience. The 2014 conference
will be held at the Hyatt Regency O’Hare right near the airport. We are
keeping you updated with details on the national website as well as on our
TCF/USA Facebook Page and elsewhere as they become available. Plan to
come and be a part of this heartwarming experience.
Registration is now open for this year’s Conference:
www.compassionatefriends.org/Other_Pages/ConferenceRegistration.aspx
_______________________________________________
TCF “Online Support Community” Offers Opportunity for Grief Sharing
The Compassionate Friends national website offers “virtual chapters” through an
Online Support Community (live chats). This program was established to encourage connecting and sharing among parents, grandparents, and siblings (over the
age of 18) grieving the death of a child. The rooms supply support, encouragement, and friendship. The friendly atmosphere encourages conversation among
friends; friends who understand the emotions you’re experiencing. There are
general bereavement sessions as well as more specific sessions.
The sessions last an hour and have trained moderators present. For more information, visit www.compassionatefriends.org and click “Online Support” listed under
the Find Support menu.
Remembrance
by Radha Stern
I recently attended “A Day of Remembrance” put together by the Alameda County District Attorney’s
office. The main speaker focused on domestic violence. I had this “oh my” moment when it became
clear that domestic violence was a factor when Christopher (my 21 year old son) lost his life.
On March 21, 1996, Christopher was shot four times by his school roommate because he put dishes in
the wrong cabinet. A small dispute that should have ended peacefully turned into a senseless murder
because of rage. (Since then, I have cautioned many parents to check out and know their children’s
roommates.)
I always thought about Christopher’s death as the crime of murder, which it is. But it’s also domestic
violence. The legal system had known it all along, but I just caught up…and was stunned that I had not
been aware of this angle sooner. It makes sense; now I get it and am asking myself, “what took you so
long?”
Alameda County District Attorney Nancy O’Malley spoke significant words, along with Mayor Jean
Quan, Superior Court Judge Tara Flanagan (awesome) and a very inspiring young woman survivor,
Amily He. Amily will make a difference for many people.
Alameda County has been tracking all the domestic violence deaths since 1996. 1996 is the year Christopher was murdered and was one of 20 deaths. In 2010 there were 3 deaths, 2011 another 4 deaths
and 2012 there were 10. Since 1996 all the domestic violence numbers (deaths) have gone down. I am
grateful to see this change, and I am sure many others are, too.
It was very apparent to me at the event who was newly bereaved and who was practiced. I deliberately
sat next to a freshly grieving woman who has lost her sister recently. She could barely speak through
her tears. I had my hand on her shoulder, and I just kept thinking “I am going to pour my love into her
and hope it helps a tiny bit.” There were photos on a table of everyone’s loved one and we pointed each
other’s out and said their names. She knew she was safe with me and didn’t have to pretend.
I found myself being so grateful for the years that have passed. Fresh raw traumatic grief is very hard to
absorb. It won’t let you up for air and you cannot imagine ever being happy again. I don’t miss Christopher less. I am just calm and thankful for the life I am living now. I want to make it count; for him and
for me.
____________________________________________________________________
Tears are the silent language of grief~
Voltaire
Our Children Remembered - July 2014
Child
Dates
Bereaved
John Christopher Alioto, Jr.
07/21/1960
01/27/2005
John & Georgia Alioto
Eric Roger Anawalt07/18/1961
11/10/1979
Roger Anawalt
Mark Vincent Antenucci08/25/1959
07/27/1997
Diano Antenucci
Maraina Lee Arik
02/04/1973
07/22/2009
Rich & Linda Arik
Garrett Artigiani
05/04/1970
07/30/2011
Joe & Anya Artigiani
Frank Daniel Austin, Sr.
10/01/1959
07/28/2005
Rosalyn Mazzaferri
Brian Jay Buckley
03/31/1985
07/13/1999
Merilee Rossi, Chris Valentino &
Family
Amy Esther Chamberlain
11/10/1972
07/04/2005
John and Susan Chamberlain
DeWayne D. Dearstyne
07/29/1964
02/26/1983
Mary Ellen Dearstyne
Dylan Simon Duncan Wright
07/13/1981
09/14/2013
Mara Duncan
John P. Feeney03/17/1960
07/26/1995
Lois Feeney
Peter Alexander Forstner
05/14/1981
07/01/2001
Kitty Forstner
S. Mark Fruchey
07/24/1964
12/14/1996
Linda Sands
René Garcia
07/05/1954
11/27/1976
Bertila, Carmen & Jose Armando Garcia
Nancy Hill03/31/1946
07/25/2004
Mike Hill
Janet Suzanne Hoch
06/29/1963
07/26/1981
Linda & Peter Hoch
Matthew David Hubal
07/01/1971
03/24/1994
Bruce & Louise Hubal
Anna Maria Kakis
07/15/1985
02/14/2005
Anthony and Lella Kakis
Alicia Scott Lee
07/10/1992
03/20/2010
Jon & Cathie Lee
Laura Catherine Maatz
07/13/1961
02/16/2010
Russell & Marcia Lizza
Fernando Martinez
07/26/1975
09/13/1993
Don & Maria Pazour
David Meraz07/17/1966
03/10/1992
Rosemary Febbo
Alex Morris
07/04/1992
07/01/2012
Paula Morris & Cory Pohley
Melody Rae Osheroff
07/12/1999
05/27/2009
Aaron Osheroff
Luke Benjamin Pedemonte
01/06/1978
07/22/2006
Richard and Therese Pedemonte
Christina Marie Piatti
11/11/1992
07/22/2006
Pat Fields, Dave & Laura LaLonde
Joshua Adam Portnoy
07/16/1978
09/27/1997
Bob & Gunilla Portnoy
Vinnie J. Simons
09/25/1982
07/11/2007
Lori Jones
Wykeham Smith
07/25/1963
06/27/1974
Joan Brinkley Smith
Eric Storace02/25/1957
07/25/1996
Ilene Storace
Jenee Swanson07/30/1979
03/10/2001
Rich Swanson
Eric Masato Takashige Boehm
07/09/1988
07/17/2002
Hanna Takashige & Frank Boehm
Gregory Patrick Walsh10/14/1971
07/11/2001
Sandy Williams
Spencer Wood06/15/1984
07/22/2006
Rich & Denise Wood
A friend is one who knows you as you are . . .
Understands where you’ve been . . .
Accepts who you’ve become
And still gently invites you to grow. ~
Author unknown
Our Children Remembered - August 2014
Child
Dates
Bereaved
Alana Teresa Alioto08/15/1967
11/14/1978
John & Georgia Alioto
Levi Allen08/08/1980
03/25/2010
Melissa Allen
Mark Vincent Antenucci08/25/1959
07/27/1997
Diano Antenucci
Shane Arneson08/22/1987
06/24/2011
Carolyn Beasley
Jack Bacheller
06/12/1960
08/23/1996
Bruce & Joe Bacheller
Tobias M. Biedul
02/13/1970
08/31/2000
Charles Feeney & Holly Biedul
Taylor Lynn Cohen
08/17/1993
03/22/2008
Michael & Gail Cohen
Chloë Sabrina Dator
06/19/1988
08/12/2006
Dani Dator
Dan Dell’Era
08/21/1955
03/20/1997
Aldo & Rosemary Dell’Era
Adam Dietz
10/10/1982
08/01/1993
Julie & Larry Dietz
James Peter Hanson
08/18/1958
12/06/1998
Ann Hanson
Michael Chad Harris
05/30/1982
08/26/2009
Jerry & Trena Harris
Jessica Kenward 08/03/1955Nancy Kenward-Hughes
John T. Koss03/13/1968
08/15/2006
JoAnn Koss
Michael J. Lockwood
08/25/1971
11/06/2003
Barbara Lockwood Albertoni
Richard C. Mannheimer, Jr.
06/27/1961
08/22/2010
Richard Mannheimer, Sr. &
Shirlee
Newman
Lori Margo Meislin
08/24/1959
06/25/1967
Barbara J. Meislin
Joshua Millard08/29/1967
04/15/1990
Lynn Wissler
Gina Marin Monaco
11/08/1982
08/23/1998
Joan Griffin
Anthony Dino Nay
04/09/2007
08/31/2007
Bob & Diana Nay
Lauren Nelson08/20/1982
09/29/2010
John & Vicki Nelson
Rebecca E. Pabst
08/08/1968
11/09/1994
Alan & Virginia Pabst
Timothy Parnow08/05/1957
02/22/2003
Caroll Parnow
Jacob Thomas Phelps
02/23/1973
08/29/2004
Alan & Shoshana Phelps
Kareem Rafeh
09/07/1982
08/25/2013
Hafez & Nada Rafeh
Rodney Robinson-Billings
02/28/1961
08/25/1984
Judith Billings Wriston
Anna Elizabeth Russell
01/25/1988
08/24/1988
Lorene Jackson
Meghan Rae Teresi
08/27/1981
04/27/2009
James Teresi & Lynda Cardwell
David Testo08/09/1963
03/01/1976
Jerome Testo & Frances Colyer
Jesse R. Venegas08/26/1985
04/14/2011
Brent R. Venegas
Phoebe Stewart Washer
08/23/1987
04/14/2008
Drew Washer & David Washer
___________________________________________________________________
He that conceals his grief finds no remedy for it~
Turkish Proverb
The Loving Listener
One day last month, seemingly out of nowhere, my dark and dreaded companion “grief” came roaring back into my life.
Just as I thought I was “doing all right,” grief came once again to wrench, rip, and tear at the thin delicate membrane of
scar tissue that had formed over the wound in my heart, that I had foolishly believed allowed me to be normal again. I was
in unbearable agony. I thought, “Oh my God, I can’t believe I ever hurt this bad. How did I ever survive this agony?” I
finally pulled myself together as best I could and reached out to one of our beautiful angels of mercy. I called our “Loving Listener.” “Hi, do you have a minute?” She chirped “Absolutely!” I went on to pour out my heart to her. She listened
patiently. She offered no quick fixes or advice, trite phrases, or empty platitudes. She just spiritually embraced me and
suffered along with me; quietly offering her love, compassion and understanding. When most of my pain and sorrow had
finally emptied out, I realized it was coming up on the anniversary death date of my child. It would mark five years since
the death of my beloved daughter Angela. This was the catalyst that had plunged me back into the abyss of grief. I could
not bear the thought that my beautiful child had been dead for a half a decade. As soon as I realized what had caused this
awful digression, I began to feel a little better. If your chapter has a Loving Listener, please give them a call. They will
give you solace, comfort and companionship. We Need Not Walk Alone.
Janet G. Reyes
TCF Alamo Area Chapter, TX
___________________________________________________________
Every one can master a grief but he that has it ~
William Shakespeare
_____________________________________________________________
Friends Asking Friends Virtual Walk
Remember a Child, Support TCF in the “Friends Asking Friends” Virtual Walk Fundraiser
TCF’s Friends Asking Friends® Fundraiser will be held again in 2014 and is designed to honor the memory
of your child, sibling, or grandchild and also to support the work of The Compassionate Friends. By building
a remembrance website and participating in the ninth “Friends Asking Friends®” virtual walk fundraiser, you
can help to guarantee TCF will always be there, even if you are unable to attend the actual Walk in Chicago, IL
on July 13, 2014.
The annual Friends Asking Friends program has raised as much as $100,000, critical in the outreach programs
of The Compassionate Friends, both on a national and local basis, as all TCF chapters are invited to participate. We ask for your help so that no one need walk this difficult grief journey alone! (Note: participation in the
Friends Asking Friends® fundraiser does not register you for the Walk to Remember). Check the TCF national
website for more information at www.compassionatefriends.org.
Love Gifts
In Loving Memory of
Christian Mitchell Neltner Leach
2/12/74 - 9/2/02
Dearest Chris, You are ever in our hearts!
Marcie and Don Leach
In Loving Memory of
Matthew David Hubal
7/1/1971 - 3/24/1994
Memories of your laughter, huge heart and
love remain with us forever, dear son.
Mom & Dad
Louise & Bruce Hubal
In Loving Memory of
Renee Francesca Garcia
7/5/1954-11/27/1976
Good night, my sweet Francesca.
Love, Mama
Bertila Garcia
In Loving Memory of
Taylor Lynn Cohen
8/17/1993 - 3/22/2008
Miss and Love You with all our heart and
Soul!
Michael, Gail & Mason Cohen
LOVE GIFT FORM Love Gifts are “messages” published in our newsletter that honor children who have died. We are
grateful to parents, grandparents and others who, by their Love Gifts donations, allow us to offer resources such as the
Annual Candle Lighting Event, the newsletter, books, brochures and pamphlets at no cost to assist bereaved families. They
also allow us to provide information to professionals and others who impact the lives and feelings of the bereaved. The
donation amount is your choice, and Love Gifts are tax-deductible as allowed by law.
Deadlines for Love Gift information for Newsletters:
Jan/Feb issue - Dec. 15
Mar/April issue - March 07 May/June issue - April 15 July/Aug issue - June 15
Sept/Oct issue - Aug. 15
Nov/Dec issue - Oct. 15
Child’s name _________________________________________ Donor’s name ____________________________
Child’s Birthdate & Anniversary Date ______________________________________Newsletter month________
Message_____________________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Include your name, address and phone # if not on check in case of questions: ____________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Mail the information above along with your donation (check) made payable to TCF/Marin
to: TCF/Marin Newsletter Editor, P.O. Box 150935, San Rafael, CA 94915.
Non-Profit Org.
US Postage PAID
Larkspur, CA
Permit No.41
P. O. Box 150935
San Rafael, CA 94915
JULY-AUGUST Issue 2014
Copyright © 2014 - All Rights Reserved
The Compassionate Friends, Inc.
Dated Material - Please Deliver Promptly