Newsletter March 2015

Volume 9 Issue 3
March 2015
The Compassionate Friends
Brevard Chapter
OUR MISSION STATEMENT
When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate
Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a
brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.
TCF Brevard Chapter Web Site
www.tcfofbrevardnc.org/tcf/home.htm
Monthly Meeting
The Roller Coaster
As a child I enjoyed the thrill of the roller
PO Box 304
Always the 2nd Monday
coaster: gliding up the giant track, reaching the top
of the month
Brevard, NC 28712
with a momentary anticipation and the thrill of the
quick dropping roll to the bottom of the track. The
March 9, 2015
deep turns, first to the right and then to the left were
Editor:
designed to heighten the anticipation of the next
7:00 PM at the
climb and drop. In my childhood mind, these
Vickie Van Antwerp
curves, climbs and drops were an isolated experi828-877-5172
The Lutheran Church of
ence,
temporary
and
fun.
The
ride
would
end.
the Good Shepherd
[email protected]
A few months after my son’s death, I
22 Fisher Rd. Brevard
dreamed of the roller coaster. But this time it wasn’t
fun. It was a nightmare of fear, anxiety and pain; I
Chapter Leaders
This Month’s Topic
Marisol and Bill Gollnick was so paralyzed that I couldn’t breathe. That
Open
dream was the simple symbolism of life since my
828-890-8227 (Home)
son died.
The Roller Coaster
Now I ride a different sort of roller coaster.
828-329-9783 (Cell)
cont. page 3
The climb to the top is a slow, difficult rise to [email protected]
malcy. The rapid descent to the bottom is yet anOur Children
Steering Committee
other terrible setback. I hang onto the bar of sanity
Page 4-5
on the curves, first one way, then another. I really
Vickie Van Antwerp
want to stop this ride, but it is forever. This ride
828-877-5172
[email protected]
won’t end.
continued on page 3
TCF Brevard Newsletter
Sharon Bach
828-884-6154
[email protected]
Joanne Snyder
828-885-2896
[email protected]
Caroline Smith
770-335-4343
[email protected]
Frances Owen
828-553-2082
National TCF Office PO Box 3696 Oakbrook, IL 60522-0246
Toll Free: (877) 969-0010 Fax: (630)-990-0246 [email protected]
www.compassionatefriends.org
P a g e
2
T h e
C o m p a s s i o n a t e
F r i e n d s
Remembrance
What do we do when we love someone
But they have gone away
When all our days of bright sunlight
Have turned to shades of gray?
What do we say when no comfort comes
From words of love and hope
When efforts made seem pointless
As we fight each day to cope?
How do we act when we hear their name
And we cannot help but cry
This isn't fair, they were barely here
It's not time to say goodbye!
We promise them that they have made
A place within our hearts
Where they will live forever
Though we are far apart
We call upon the memories
As time allowed and then
Tuck them safely in our minds
To visit now and again
We cherish them as best we can
Each smile, each word, each look
We write the story they want told
On the pages of life's book
For most important is the vow
We honor when they're gone
Of sharing all they've given us
From that moment on
Donna Gerrior
TCF Pasco County, FL
In Memory of Rob
V o l u m e
9
I s s u e
3
P a g e
3
C o m p a s s i o n a t e f r i e n d s
A s a f e p l a c e t o t a l k
There is a need to talk, without trying to
give reasons. No reason is going to be
acceptable when you hurt so much. A
hug, the touch of a hand, expressions of
concern, a willing listener was and still is
the things that helped the most. The
people who were the greatest help were
not judgmental. It’s most helpful when
people understand that what is needed is
to talk about it and that this is part of the
grief process.
"The object of good grief is to remember,
not relive."
author unknown.
To Our New Members
Coming to the first meeting is the hardest, but you have nothing to lose and
everything to gain! Try not to judge
your first meeting as to whether or not
The Compassionate Friends will work
for you. At the next meeting you may
find just the right person or just the right words
said that will help you in your grief work.
To Our Members Who Are Further Down
The “Grief Road”
We need your encouragement and your support.
Each meeting we have new parents. THINK
BACK – what would it have been like for you
at your first meeting if there had not been any
TCF “veterans” to welcome you, share your
grief, encourage you and tell you, “your pain
will not always be this bad, it really does get
better!”
The Long Forever
You left us so quickly; there were no goodbyes.
How long this forever, your death and our lives.
The sadness, the anger, the loneliness of three, preferring four always, how small, this new we.
Genesse Bourdeau Gentry
From Stars in the Deepest Night–
After the Death of a Child
continued from page 1
Today I recalled that roller coaster dream, in all its vivid detail, and I compare it to the roller coaster
that is my life now. Are the highs lower and the lows higher? Are the curves softening? Yes, I believe they
are. It’s been two years and two months since Todd died. I still weep. Tiny tears still fall unexpectedly. I still
have anxiety. I still feel as if the earth has dropped from under me. I still miss talking with my son. I miss seeing him. I ache for that special hug that only my child can give. Yes, I miss my only child very much. My
heart has been shattered, my definition of myself has been altered and my loneliness is incomprehensible. But
something has changed on the roller coaster of this life.
That something is, of course, me. I work through my grief in many, many ways. I have consciously
shifted the paradigms of my life. I have learned to evaluate people from a different perspective. I have become
so sensitive to the pain of other parents that I feel it as if it were my own. I have stopped anticipating how I
will handle stressful events, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays. I have learned to live without being a part of
my grandchildren’s lives. I have learned to keep negative energy and negative people at a far distance. I have
learned that a routine provides necessary structure. I have learned to live in the moment, to take joy in simple
things, to talk openly about my child’s life and to acknowledge the things I cannot change.
As time moves forward, I will continue to accept what is given and give what I can. I know the roller
coaster will level out eventually. For as long as I live, I will keep my child with me, in my heart. That’s all I
can do as I ride this changing roller coaster that is now my life.
Annette Mennen Baldwin
In memory of my son, Todd Mennen
TCF, Katy, TX
Page 4
OUR CHILDREN
Sunrise and Sunset Dates
Love that can not be quenched
Our beautiful children forever remembered
Children
Sunrise
Anna W. Huneycutt
Sunset
3/6
Beckie Ensley
3/10
Charles Curtis Carilisle
3/11
Christian “Kade” Warriner
3/15
Christopher Dean Renn
3/16
Douglas Lynch
3/6
Janette Moser Laderer
3/26
Jeremy William Adams
3/1
Jeremy Dylan Spainhour
3/26
Jillian Brooke Folsom
3/24
Lauren Marshall
3/22
Mark Allen Wolf
3/24
Michael (Mike) Richard O’Hara
3/4
Mila August Kohute
3/22
Robert Jason Morgan
3/21
Ryan David Dieterich
3/12
Ryan Kiser Franks
Thomas (Tommy) Eugene Snyder
3/21
3/23
3/6
Birthday Table
Every month at our chapter meeting, we provide a Birthday Table. In the month of your child’s birthday, if you are ready to do so,
please bring pictures and small mementos of your child to place on the table. You may also bring a favorite cake, cookies, or other
snacks, flowers, candles or balloons for the table in memory of your child. We do this to celebrate our children’s lives and to share
their special day with others who understand.
If you would like your child’s picture to appear on this remembrance page or if you have a memorial you want printed, please send
me an email at [email protected] with their picture as an attachment in a jpeg or bmp. format.
Page 5
Jeremy Spainhour
Mark Wolf
Tommy Snyder
Michael O’Hara
Page 6
Love Gifts – A Way to Remember
There are no dues to belong to the Compassionate Friends, because we have already paid the ultimate price;
the loss of our loved one (s). A Love Gift is a gift of money given in Honor of a child who has died from
their family members or as a Memorial from friends. Your gifts are tax deductible and are used to reach out
to other bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings. Your gifts support this newsletter, our TCF Library,
Brochures and other Chapter Expenses.
In Memory of:
___________________________________________________________________________
From:
________________________________________________________________________________________
TCF of Brevard
PO Box 304
Brevard, NC 28712
You are not forgotten my child.
I see you in the creases of my mind and I
feel you in the chambers of my heart.
VVA
The Compassionate Friends of Brevard
PO Box 304
Brevard, NC 28712
RETURN SERVICE REQUESTED
March 2015 Newsletter
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Our Credo...
We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. We reach out to each other with
love, with understanding, and with hope.
The children we mourn have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for
them unites us. Your pain becomes my pain, just as your hope becomes my hope.
We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances. We are a unique
family because we represent many races, creeds, and relationships. We are young, and we are old.
Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful
that they feel helpless and see no hope.
Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength, while some of us are struggling to
find answers. Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression, while others radiate an
inner peace. But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain
we will share, just as we share with each other our love for the children who have died.
We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are committed to building
a future together. We reach out to each other in love to share the pain as well as the joy, share
the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts, and help each other to grieve
as well as to grow.
We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. ©2007