COME SIT WITH ME - Compassionate Friends

Newsletter of the Katy, TX, Chapter
March 2014
Chapter Leaders
Newsletter Editor
Treasurer
Melinda and Glen Ginter
Annette Mennen Baldwin
Lisa Leanard
(281) 492-1262
(281) 578-9118
When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate
Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.
***March Meeting***
When: Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Where:
Kingsland Baptist Church
6:30 PM – Doors Open
If this is your first meeting, please arrive by 6:30 pm
7:00 PM—Meeting Begins
20555 Kingsland Blvd,
Katy, TX 77450
John Burns Building, East side of church
Program: Resources for Bereaved Parents
Directions:
(west) on
From East of Fry Road (coming from Houston): Go west on I-10 to Fry Road. Turn left (south) on Fry Road. Turn right
Kingsland Blvd and travel 0.5 miles to Kingsland Baptist Church.
From West of Mason Road (coming from San Antonio): Go east on I-10 to Westgreen Blvd. Turn right (south) on Westgreen Blvd and
travel 0.6 miles to Kingsland Blvd. Turn left (east) on Kingsland Blvd and travel 0.5 miles to Kingsland Baptist Church.
(Across from Nottingham Country Elementary School)
Welcome
We extend a warm welcome to all who attended their first meeting in March.
Gary & Janet Adams whose daughter, Heather Marie Adams, died in November, 2013
Skip & Melissa Cooper whose son, David Cooper, died in October, 2013
Nancy Eisenhart & Dana Hutchinson, whose daughter/sister, Kelly Rae Schmittinger, died in April, 2011
Dennis & Deanna Jones whose daughter, Chelsey Lee Jones, died in January, 2014
Randy & Lisa Rinicella whose daughter, Alexis Theresa Rinicella, died in June, 2013
Theresa Tropeano-Wilson whose daughter, Nikki Danielle Thelen, died in September, 2012
We need not walk alone.
We are The Compassionate Friends. We reach out to each other with love, with understanding, and with hope. The
children we mourn have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for them unites us. Your pain becomes my pain, just as your hope becomes my hope. We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances. We are a unique family because we represent many races, creeds, and relationships. We are young, and we are
old. Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that they feel helpless and see no hope. Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength, while some of us are struggling to find
answers. Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression, while others radiate an inner peace. But whatever
pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain we will share, just as we share with each other our
love for the children who have died. We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are committed to building a future together. We reach out to each other in love to share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger
as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts, and help each other to grieve as well as to grow. We Need
Not Walk Alone. We Are The Compassionate Friends.
~TCF Credo
The death of your child is probably the most traumatic, life-changing event that you will ever experience.
The Compassionate Friends is an organization of parents who have also lost a child to death. Each of us has
experienced the deep, searing pain that you are feeling now. Each of us has turned to other parents who
were farther into their grief journey for guidance, support and understanding. This is done through our
monthly meetings, our newsletter, our website, our phone-a-friend program, our library, our e-mail program
and our referral program. Each month parents find our meeting to be a safe place where they can talk about
their pain and problems with others who are uniquely qualified to understand; bereaved parents offer gentle
suggestions or often simply listen. We invite you to bring a friend to your first few meetings until you feel a
level of comfort with the group. Do not be surprised if we talk about the happy times with our children, the
wonderful memories and the various methods we have created to keep our children close to us. It is here that
many bereaved parents find hope as those who are more seasoned in their grief shine the light of experience
to help illuminate each grief path. We have no dues. We are self-sustaining through donations and the
generosity of so many in our community. You Need Not Walk Alone.
Page 2
March 2014
Birthdays
March 2
March 4
March 5
March 10
March 12
March 13
March 22
March 23
March 23
March 24
March 25
March 30
March 31
March 31
Fernando Isaiah Macias, son of Yolanda & Fernando Macias
Laura Bear, daughter of Don Cagle
Christine Yvette Mazyrack, daughter of Steve & Blanca Mazyrack
Steven Edward Gilmore, son of Ted & Terri Gilmore
Eric Ray Vigil, son of Jackie Vigil
Steven Nickel, son of James & Bonnie Nickel
Stephanie Anne Favorite, daughter of Malena & Ray Lopez
Brian Heck, son of Debbie & George Heck
Matthias Leschly Bang, son of Rikkie Bang
Mark “Bo” Bean, Jr., son of Tedri Pyle
Russell Knapp, son of Cathy Knapp
Michael Robert Harris, son of Jamie & Kathy Harris
Sean Ryan Rice, son of Tara Rice
Dylan Thomas Rice, son of Tara Rice
Anniversaries
March 2001
March 2005
March 2005
March 2009
March 2007
March 2004
March 2010
March 2009
March 2011
March 2006
March 2009
March 1988
March 2010
March 2010
13 Years
9 Years
9 Years
5 Years
7 Years
10 Years
4 Years
5 Years
3 Years
8 Years
5 Years
26 Years
4 Years
4 Years
Jonathan May, son of Doug & Laura May
Roxanne Rene Rangel, daughter of Georgina Rangel
Laura Eliska Swails, daughter of Markey Swails
Amy Lynn Ellis Oliver, daughter of Diane Ellis
Brittany LeeAnn Lewis, daughter of Lisa & Mike Atkinson
Lisa Beth Wieder, daughter of Dan & Becky Wieder
Marijo “Colleen” Smith, daughter of Denise Smith
Elijah Manuel Alvarado, son of Martha Alvarado
Robert “Hunter” Colvin, son of Susan & Drew Colvin
Teresa Alyss Johnson, son of Mark & Anna Apanel
Brandon Alexander Boudoin, son of Wanda Boudoin
Jamie Lynn Leasher, daughter of Brian & Joyce Dakin
Sean Ryan Rice, son of Tara Rice
Dylan Thomas Rice, son of Tara Rice
During your child’s birth month, you are invited to bring a special
photograph or Keepsake of your Loved one to share with the group.
If you are unable to attend the meeting during your loved one’s birth month,
please feel free to choose another month to share with us.
Katy TCF Volunteers
Join Our Chapter
E-Mail List
Welcome Cards to new members—Brenda Schmitt
Cards for remembrances—Robin Larsen
Newsletter—Annette Mennen Baldwin [email protected]
E-mail to group-Annette Mennen Baldwin— [email protected]
Publicity & E-Mail correspondence—Annette Mennen Baldwin
Picture Buttons—Annette Mennen Baldwin
Holiday & Craft Projects—Neela Sen
Welcome Packages —Sherrie Schurman
Library— Jan Bigbee-Weesner
Web Site— Lee Schurman
Treasurer 2014—Lisa Leanard—[email protected]
Snacks—Susan Archer – [email protected]
Memorial Bench Maintenance—Delia Granado
Group Facilitators - Albert Tapia, Robin Conner, Lisa
Leanard, Annette Mennen Baldwin, Jan BigbeeWeesner, Melinda Ginter, Sherrie & Lee Schurman
Chapter Leaders—Melinda & Glen Ginter
Join our chapter e-mail list to receive timely notices, writings, articles,
special information and more. This is
an important communication tool
throughout the month for our members.
To join, send an email to: tcfkaty.
[email protected]
National TCF Contact
Information
TCF National Office
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522
Toll Free: (877) 969-0010
www.compassionatefriends.org
Annette Mennen Baldwin
Regional Coordinator
Southern Texas
Page 3
March 2014
Resources for Bereaved Parents
Topic of Our March Meeting
Our March meeting will be held on Tuesday,
March 11, 2014, at the Kingsland Baptist Church.
We will be talking about resources that are provided locally as well as on the internet.
Following the opening portion of our meeting,
we will break into small groups. The gentle and
welcoming environment of our small groups is an
important component on your grief journey.
Whether you choose to speak or not, you will gain
much insight from our small group meetings. There are, of course, rules
that enable us to keep the meetings free from topics which aren’t relevant
to our grief journeys as well as preventing any one person from
dominating the discussion. You will find a warm welcome and gentle
people at each of our small group discussions. We hope to see you at our
March meeting.
If this is your first meeting, please try to arrive by 6:30 pm for a brief
initial meeting with a member of our support team. The meeting begins
at 7:00 pm.
SPRING'S TEARS
When the sun's sharp brilliance echoes in the luminescent blue
A grim, oppressive darkness stabs my aching heart anew.
Its golden glow upon my face, the warmth of winter's sun
Holds the promise of renewal when the icy months are done.
It is this vow of nature's of resurgence in the spring
That bows my head, and breaks my heart; unlocks my suffering.
For you will miss again the beauty of this time of year
The growing warmth, the sunny days when life will reappear.
For nature has no power over death that holds you still,
And though I know, I still resent spring's early daffodil.
Oh, would that I could speak to Mother Nature face to face!
To beg she work her magic on your lonely resting place.
Why can't it be YOUR rebirth when the gray, cold days are done?
Why mightn't YOU not live again to see spring's fresh new dawn
and feel the warmth of sunshine
relish in the greening earth…
to open arms, embracing life
why can't it be YOUR birth?
You were so young, your life so new when death crept in the door,
And in my grief, beloved child, I'll ask forever more
The reason why the earth's renewed when spring comes 'round each year
Yet in your grave you're silent still,
and I, condemned am here.
Sally Migliaccio
TCF Babylon, NY
In Memory of Tracey
Loving Listeners…..Phone-A-Friend
Birthday Table
If your child’s
birthday is in
March,
please
bring a picture or
memento to our
March meeting to
share with the
group. In May
and December we ask that you bring
your child’s picture for the birthday table in the month following the actual
event. We hold our balloon release in
May and our Annual Candle Lighting
Ceremony in December.
Special Small Group Meetings
For Parents Whose Child
Was Lost to Suicide
The Katy Chapter of TCF has a
unique program for parents whose children died from suicide. All parents attend the opening of our meeting each
month and then adjourn to their own
private meeting for the
remainder of the meeting. Death from suicide
usually requires additional and unique group
dynamics.
This program is offered only to parents who have lost children to suicide.
Articles & Poems
For Our Newsletter
If you would like to submit a
poem, a writing or a brief article (no
more than 800-825 words) about your
child or your grief journey for publication in our Katy Compassionate
Friends newsletter, e-mail your work
to Annette Mennen Baldwin at [email protected]. We encourage our members to share with us.
National TCF Contact
Information
TCF National Office
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522
Toll Free: (877) 969-0010
www.compassionatefriends.org
TCF Katy has established a phone-a-friend list for parents who want to
talk with someone who shares a similar loss. If you would like to volunteer to be a phone-a-friend, please contact Annette Baldwin.
Loss of an Adult Child…..Annette (281) 578-9118
Only Child…...Annette (281) 578-9118
Murdered Child….. Robin (281) 851-5425
Neonatal Loss…….HAND (832) 752-1919
Death of Teenage Child……Joyce (281) 858-4551 or
Brenda (281)804-7087
Accidental Death……..Annette (281) 578-9118
Death from long term illness…...Karen (832) 746-0279
Death of a Special Needs Child…….Neela (281) 579-1262
Support for Fathers……..Albert (832) 885-4741
Suicide ...………..Sherrie (281) 579-7741
!
!
!
!
!T
!
Printed in Loving Memory Of
Todd M. Mennen !
1967-2002
March 2014
Page 4
Keeping Their Memory Alive
There is always one subject that comes up from our small group
discussions, and that is how much we worry that our child will be
forgotten. In the beginning, our families and friends do not want to
talk about our loss for different reasons. From my own experience, I
can tell you they don’t talk about it because they think it would upset us, and it does. But I have found that the more you talk about
your child, the better you feel. Another reason is that it is just too
uncomfortable and many people do not know what to say. It is only
through our connections with people who have experienced this first
hand that we can effectively communicate. I think this is why our
group is so important. When you first lose your child you do not
know what to expect, or you may think you are the only person in
the entire world that feels that way. In reality, we just don’t think in
those terms if we have not lost a child. It is only through our journey that we start to slowly change and somehow get through our
grief day by day. One day we smile again and know there is hope.
There are so many different ways to remember our children.
When my son Christopher died I thought it was the end of the
world. I went through the same
exact emotions that all newly bereaved parents face. The two
biggest problems I faced were
that he would be forgotten, and
that I would loose another child.
I think this is very normal when
you have to face the fact that
your child is gone.
Christopher had some drug problems when he was younger, in
and out of rehabs about 5 times. The last time he finally got it. He
was in-patient at an adolescent drug and alcohol program for almost
a year. This program really changed his life for the better. He went
to a place called Daytop in New Jersey and over the course of his
time there we got to know a lot of people. In fact, the priest form
Daytop did his funeral. Father Joe knew a lot about Chris and the
potential he had. I decided after he died I wanted to start a memorial
fund for him so that scholarships could be given to several kids each
year. His picture hangs in the hall with a plaque; beneath the plaque
is a short writing about Chris. Chris was offered a job as a counselor
and was doing some training prior to his death. This scholarship is
one way I know he will never be forgotten, at least at Daytop. His
scholarship fund has enough money in it that the money for the kids
is from the interest.
Another way I chose to remember both Christopher and Dawn is
a garden in my back yard where I can sit and meditate and think of
them. I think my point is that there are numerous ways you can
honor your child and keep their memory alive. I know how hard this
is to do, because for me while I was doing these projects all the emotions came flooding back. But each day that you put one foot in
front of the other, living gets a little easier. This is a process and
takes years; sometimes people choose to stay stuck in their grief and
not move on at all.
Our group is here to offer comfort and to bring a listening presence, not to recommend or give advice. We are here to tell you we
have been there and now we are okay. There is life, and you can be
happy again. This does not mean our children will be forgotten, but
it does mean you are doing something they would have wanted you
to do. Our children would not want us stuck in our grief for years;
they truly would want us to be happy again, in a different way. Our
lives have changed forever after our loss, and there is no going back
to the person you once were before. We do, somehow, manage to
get some normalcy back in our lives. I encourage all of you to keep
coming to our meetings and talking. It does get better, I promise.
Written in Loving memory of my Children
Christopher F. Wilson and Dawn Wilson-Shafer
Robin Conner, TCF Katy, TX
“There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept,
things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people
we can't live without but have to let go. “
~ Author Unknown
Check Out Our Library
Our TCF library has many books, tapes,
CDs and DVDs for our members. Each one
has been carefully selected
by a member of our TCF
Chapter. The library is
available for browsing before, during and after our
monthly meeting. Checkout is a snap. We encourage our members to
use this wonderful resource. There is much
from which to choose; check it out at the next
meeting.
Grief Share
Grief Share, a Bible based Christian program for the bereaved, is being offered at
many locations in the Katy and Houston area.
Grief Share includes a professional video presentation, group discussion and a workbook.
Many of our members have attended Grief
Share and report the experience as a positive
one which enhanced their grief journey.
New Grief Share programs will be offered in
January.
Check the web for other locations:
www.griefshare.org
Compassionate
Friends
Webinars
As bereaved parents, we know that there are
times when there are no words to describe
the depths of our pain and devastation. Especially during the holiday season, we seek
answers, solace and peace.
Check the Compassionate Friends website at www.compassionatefriends.org, click
on news and events, then search for Webinars. Upcoming webinar events will be
listed; some dates will be listed. When you
see a webinar you in which you would like to
actively participate, just click and register.
To view the archives of webinars presented by The Compassionate Friends, go to
http://www.compassionatefriends.org/
News_Events/Special-Events/Webinars.
Whether you choose to participate or simply access the archives of webinars, we encourage to try this format and see if it has a
place in your grief toolbox.
TCF E-Newsletter
An E-Newsletter is available through the
National TCF Organization. To subscribe,
go to TCF’s National Web site home page
(www.compassionatefriends.org) and click on
“Register for E-Newsletter” link.
Resources Available to Our Members
Resources of all types are available to our
members. We include these in the monthly
newsletter and strongly recommend that, in
addition to Compassionate Friends, newly
bereaved parents avail themselves of one or
more of the many retreats, programs, etc.,
that are available in the Houston area.
March 2014
!
Page 5
How Long Will I Hurt?
COME SIT WITH ME
How Long Will I Hurt
How long will I hurt
And carry this pain
That seems to come and go
Like a summer rain
Come sit with me awhile and let me
Hold your hand, I understand your
Sorrow and know you need a friend.
I understand the pain that lies within your heart,
I have felt the silent screams that tear you all apart
How long will I cry
With my heart breaking in two
How long will it hurt
That I live without you?
I know about the sleepless nights that last so very long,
I understand the emptiness when you hear that special song.
How many years
Can a heart feel like this
Knotted up and tight
Like a boxer's fist
Come share with me your memories and let me be
Your friend, you can cry, laugh or say nothing at all,
And I will understand.
!
Come sit with me my friend, I’ll try to help you through.
I understand my friend, for I have been there too.
Judy Peckinpaugh
TCF Inland Empire, CA
!
I’ve Wondered
I’ve wondered why you had to go
and why your car had left the road.
Why your Mom and I, we had to stay
and your great smile has gone away.
Our hearts so ache, our tears do flow,
the pain we feel too many know.
One year has passed
since that terrible night.
We have survived but it’s not right.
Our lives have changed,
they are not the same,
but somehow we endure the pain.
I’ve wondered why you had to go,
our only son
we love and miss you so.
How long will I think
Of how things used to be
When we were together
Just you and just me
How much can a mother
Stand this type of pain
That comes on as quickly
As the warm summer rain?
To hurt is to love
Those who are not here
To love is to hold
Memories we hold dear
I will hurt forever
This I now know
And cry softly
Like a soft winter snow
How long will I hurt?
As long as I love....
The child God sent to me
From heaven above
My hurting will stop
When it's my turn to leave
I'll depart this world softly
Like a warm summer breeze
!
Larry Oshel
TCF Galveston County, TX
In Memory of my son, Brian Oshel
"It has been said time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The
wounds remain. In time, the mind protecting it's sanity covers
them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it's never gone."
And Glory will be the day
When we're together again
Mother and child
My love has no end
Sharon Bryant
In Memory of my son, Andy Dunbar
January 22, 1972 – October 24, 1977
I’m his mom and he’s my angel…forever
!"#$%&'"()*+)#"$,%--%.&)./)01'2.$)
~ Rose Kennedy
“To live in the hearts of those we love is never to die.”
~Thomas Campbell
In Memory of our Beloved Children
Memorials Given by:
In Loving Memory of:
Robin Conner
Lee & Sherrie Schurman
Glen & Melinda Ginter
Yash & Sue Bhandari
Christopher & Dawn Wilson
Sandra Schurman
John Ginter, III
Ashwin Bhandari
Thank you for your donation to The Compassionate Friends, Katy, TX Chapter
Our chapter is operated entirely by volunteers dedicated to furthering the work of
TCF. Your voluntary, tax deductible donations honor your loved one in a
meaningful way by enabling us to print and mail this Newsletter and meet other
expenses involved in reaching out to other grieving families. Donations along with
the name of the person being honored may be sent to:
Lisa Leanard
13814 Wheatbridge Drive
Houston, TX 77041
Haven of Hope Retreat in March
The Haven of Hope retreat for bereaved
mothers will be held on March 21-23, 2014 in
Round Top, TX. To register, please visit their
website at: www.haven-of-hope.com/retreat.
Round Top is about an hour from the Katy
area.
Project Joy and Hope to be Rescheduled
The Project and Hope Mother’s Tapestry
retreat has been rescheduled. When we get
the dates and location, we will email this to
you. This is an ideal retreat for mothers who
are a year or more out in their grief.
Bo’s Place Open In Katy
Bo’s Place is now open in Katy two days a
week. Bo’s Place is families with children under 18 who have lost a child. Bo’s Place is on
the web at: www.bosplace.org.
Page 6
March 2014
Find the friends and family members who are best able to help you-not everyone can deal with what must be done or said, and that is
okay. You may be surprised at who steps away and who steps up.
You did not think of your child 24 hours a day when he/she was
alive, so it is okay not to think of them 24 hours a day now.
It is okay to have some good things in each day--in fact, it can help
to make note of the good things, to even write them down, as proof
that there is indeed some good (a bird singing, a note or call from a
dear friend, getting the laundry done, etc.).
The journey through grief is like walking with sharp rocks in your
shoes: Sometimes you can get the rocks in a position where you can
walk okay for quite awhile; at other times the rocks poke and pinch
and you need help to keep going; and sometimes the rocks open a
gash and you have to stop. Regardless, you are always aware of the
rocks, and that is okay.
Life is different now. It is not what we imagined and not what we
wanted. But we have found purpose and a measure of joy. We wish
our Lisa could be here with us living the dreams she had and that we
had for her. Now we have different dreams, but our child is still a
part of them and our child still matters. And that is okay.
“What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love
deeply becomes a part of us.”
~Helen Keller
Annette Mennen Baldwin
In memory of my son, Todd Mennen
TCF, Katy, TX
November 2009
The Compassionate Friends
People grieve differently, and that is okay. Do
what you have to do, and let others do what
they must.
Katy Chapter
P.O. Box 45
Barker TX 77413
Even though you raised the same child, you and
your spouse will be mourning a different child
based on your own unique experience and relationship with her/him. That is okay too.
Return Service Requested
The fog of shock and denial can get you through the worst of the
first year. That is okay, as it protects you from
so much.
Meeting: Tuesday, March 11, 2014
March 19, 2014 will mark 10 years since my husband and I lost our
daughter Lisa. We've been reliving it all lately, and thinking about
what we have learned:
Robert Frost once wrote, “You have freedom when you’re easy in your harness.” I
believe I read that in junior high school. It
had no real meaning to me at that time. But
many years and many tears later, I have
come to realize what Frost was referencing.
Soon I will be marking the seventh anniversary of the death of my only child, Todd
Mennen. Seven years seems, perhaps to
some, a milestone. But it’s not really. There
are no “milestones” on this journey of grief
after the death of our children. But we do
change. We have no choice. We weep, we
evolve, we change, we grow, we learn, we
share, we ask for help, we give help, we
reach out and finally we become someone
different than we once were. That is the reality of this grief.
Becoming easy in my harness was no
small task, nor did it happen in magical
stages with epiphanies proclaiming, “here is
a milestone, a moment you can remember
for the wisdom you found.”
Wisdom doesn’t arrive with fanfare; wisdom ebbs slowly into one’s mind, forming an
ever-changing perspective until, at last, we
have come to accept our “harness.”
Our
harness is the death of our child. Once we
accept this fact, we move forward into the
light of hope and we begin to feel hope and
a different type of freedom.
Am I “easy in my harness?” Finally, I can
say that I probably am most of the time.
There are days when I find it chokingly restrictive and cruel in its pain. But these days
are fewer as time passes.
I have found a new kind of “freedom in
my harness.” It isn’t the joyful freedom from
the days before my child died, but it is a
freedom nonetheless. My freedom is the
light of hope that shines from deep within
my soul as I now hold my child in my mind
and heart. My child is with me in my harness as I continue on the balance of my life’s
journey. For this mother, hope is knowing
that death does not restrict me from my
child’s life. Death changes only the plane of
our relationship, for I am his mother and he
is my son. We will love our children for all
eternity. That is the freedom in our harness
that comes with consciously choosing hope.
If this is your first meeting, please arrive by 6:30 PM
And That Is Okay
Choosing Hope
Topic: Resources for Bereaved Parents
From Dan & Becky Wieder: We were part of the Compassionate Friends
Group in Katy for several years until moving out of state (and we are forever
grateful to all the kind TCF Katy people who are so willing to help other bereaved parents). Lisa Wieder, our daughter, died in an alcohol-related accident while on Spring Break at Crystal Beach in Galveston on March 19,
2004. Lisa was 19 when she died. In Lisa's memory, the University of Oklahoma (where she was a student) started a program called Safe Break. The
event is held every March and Dan and I are part of it--we speak to students
about what happened to Lisa and have others talk about the impact of her
life and death on their lives. Many students have told us it has changed the
way they act during Spring Break, and we like to think that Lisa has saved
some lives. Here are my thoughts: