The Journey Through a Pregnancy or Infant Loss

The Journey
Through a
Pregnancy
or
Infant Loss
If you had a pregnancy loss, lost a baby
or know someone else who has, you do
not have to go through grief alone.
Prepared by
Valley Circle of Friends
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group
Table of Contents
Grief ..............................................................................................................................................................................1
Types of Pregnancy and Infant Loss ...................................................................................................................1
Miscarriage .............................................................................................................................................................1
Ectopic (Tubal) Pregnancy .................................................................................................................................3
Stillbirth and Newborn Death.............................................................................................................................3
Will a Loss Happen Again? ....................................................................................................................................4
Grieving .......................................................................................................................................................................5
Parents ....................................................................................................................................................................5
Looking After Yourself ....................................................................................................................................7
Intimacy ...............................................................................................................................................................7
Anger....................................................................................................................................................................7
Depression .........................................................................................................................................................8
Talking .................................................................................................................................................................8
Grandparents .........................................................................................................................................................8
Family Members and Friends ............................................................................................................................9
Talking with Children ......................................................................................................................................... 10
How to Tell Children ....................................................................................................................................... 10
Talking to Children About Feelings ........................................................................................................... 10
Memories .................................................................................................................................................................. 11
Anniversaries ....................................................................................................................................................... 12
How Children Can Help Remember ............................................................................................................... 12
Where can you get help? ...................................................................................................................................... 12
Valley Circle of Friends Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group ........................................................ 13
Suggested Reading and Resources .................................................................................................................. 14
Books ..................................................................................................................................................................... 14
Videos (VHS & DVD) ........................................................................................................................................... 14
Websites or Online Resources ........................................................................................................................ 14
Your Journey ........................................................................................................................................................... 17
Missing Not Knowing You .................................................................................................................................... 18
Grief
Grief is a powerful feeling. It takes a lot of energy, but you must grieve to heal.
Each person grieves differently. Grieving a loss of a child is one of the most
difficult things families have to go through. This booklet will talk about coping
with your grief and the grief of family and friends.
Grief is something you work through rather than “get over”. It is a healthy, normal part of your
emotional recovery. There are no rules or “right way” to do it.
Some common reactions to grief include:
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lack of energy, fatigue
confusion
numbness
anxiousness
unsettled, sighing
being unable to make simple decisions
heart palpitations
anger
sleeplessness
loss of appetite
inability to concentrate
nightmares
headaches
withdrawal from social activities
Types of Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Your baby has died and all you want is for everything to be the same as it was before your loss.
Normal will never be the same; you need to find a way to create a new normal in your life.
No one can take your pain away. You are forever changed.
There are different types of pregnancy and infant loss. The following talks about some of them.
Miscarriage
A miscarriage is a pregnancy that has ended before 20 weeks.
The loss of a pregnancy often involves more than a physical loss of a baby. There are many ways
to react to a miscarriage. You may feel devastated, or have minimal emotional reaction about
your loss. Both are normal.
There is a wide range of emotions following miscarriage, and it can be a confusing time in your
life. Some mourn and are hurt by others who do not think they should feel so sad. Others may
feel little grief. Emotional healing is as important as physical healing. Give yourself permission
to grieve and remember your baby’s brief life any way you feel is right for you and your family.
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Ectopic (Tubal) Pregnancy
An ectopic or tubal pregnancy happens when an egg is fertilized outside of the uterus. Most
ectopic pregnancies occur in the fallopian tubes (known as a tubal pregnancy) with rare cases in
the abdomen, on the ovary, or within the cervix. Unfortunately, the diagnosis of an ectopic
pregnancy has no happy ending; most often these pregnancies result in surgery to save the
mother’s own life.
Physically, recovering from an ectopic pregnancy depends upon the type of procedures or
surgeries you have had.
Emotionally, recovering from a pregnancy loss has no time line. Feelings of grief, anger, denial,
helplessness, confusion and loneliness are common. You may be trying to deal with these
emotions, recover from surgery, and worry about future pregnancies at the same time. Taking
care of yourself is very important as you try to make sense of what has happened. Seek out
someone to listen and be compassionate, to help you through this difficult time in your life.
Stillbirth and Newborn Death
Stillbirth is the death of a baby after the 20th week
of pregnancy and before delivery.
Newborn death is the loss of a newborn after
delivery.
Parents are never prepared to hear that their baby
has died. When you were given the news about your
baby’s death, everything may have felt like it was
going too fast, like a bad dream. You were
overwhelmed. Your thoughts go back to what
happened during your pregnancy, labour, delivery,
or your baby’s short life as you try to make sense of
your grief. Your baby’s life and death are important.
You may have a deep need to hold your baby or
hear them cry. You may feel like you have lost a
part of yourself and feel betrayed by your body,
especially when your milk comes in. If you had a
stillbirth, the fact that you still needed to birth your
baby seemed cruel.
The most commonly asked question is "Why did
my baby die?" This question can’t always be
answered. The baby and placenta will be examined
following delivery, but there may not be anything
visible cause of death.
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What group means to me……
When I had my stillbirth, I felt so
alone. How can this be happening to
me, I was healthy and safe. I didn’t
drink, smoke, or do anything
dangerous. My perception on this sort
of thing was that it happened to
people who had some sort of accident.
I didn’t realize that it could just
happen.
Group is a safe place, a place without
judgement and it has been a great help
to me.
In memory of
Hudson Carl
Mar. 11, 2010
Lindsey
You may or may not have made the decision for your baby to have an autopsy (examined after
death). Just know that the decision was the best choice you could have made at the time for you
and your baby. The results of the autopsy may not give you any answers as to why your baby
died.
How very softly
You tiptoed into our world
Almost silently
Only a moment you stayed
But what an imprint
Your footprints have left on our hearts
Some only dream of angels, we held one in
our arms! Those who have lost an infant/child
are never as they were. This support group
offers so much emotionally that you can learn
to move on in your lives and be happy again.
(I like to call it the new normal). You will
never forget your special someone and that
memory becomes a treasure…a treasure that
you will remember forever, like we do.
In memory of
David Roy
Sept. 1999
Tina & Darren
Understand that in most cases there are
no symptoms or anything that would
have alerted your health care providers
to the problem. Many times they may
not have specific answers to your
questions about why your baby died.
The intense situation and the lack of
knowing the cause of your baby's death
causes parents to grieve deeply. Your
hopes and dreams that started months
ago for this child are gone. You and
your family will be forever changed. It
is hard to imagine any greater pain than
that of losing a child. There is a word in
the English language for a person who
has lost their parents; an orphan. We
have a word for someone who has lost
a spouse; a widow or widower. But we
have no word for someone who has lost
a child. The very thought of losing a
child is too painful to put into words.
Will a Loss Happen Again?
Losing a baby usually doesn’t mean that you can’t have more children. It also doesn’t mean there
is anything wrong with your health. Talk to your doctor about whether medical factors were
involved in your loss.
For many parents, the thought of having another baby brings comfort. Others may feel that they
are betraying their baby by trying to “replace” the baby who has died. The “right” time to think
about another baby will depend on your needs. Your doctor may be able to give you a time line
for when your body will be ready to try to have another baby. Trust yourself about the timing of
when you feel you are ready to try again.
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Grieving
Parents
Grieving is a way to put your world back together and start to heal the wounds
left by the death of your child. Your instinct may be to keep your emotions in
check, to be strong and carry on. But unresolved grief can cause serious
emotional and physical problems. It is hard work to deal with your grief, but
necessary to move forward and create a new normal in your lives.
You may feel out of control, worried about your family. Your confidence may be shaken. You
might find yourself asking “how can you make this all right?” and looking for answers that may
or may not be there. This is a difficult time; please don’t forget yourself when you are trying to
comfort those around you. Be patient with yourself and others, we all grieve differently.
Some common feelings during grief include:
• anger
• sadness
• bitterness about your loss
• guilt
• blaming yourself or others
• disappointment
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loneliness
emptiness
longing
helplessness
stress
depression
All of these feelings and many more are normal.
Your partner may deal with the loss differently
than you. They may be trying to be “strong” for
you. Sometimes one partner will be more
outwardly upset than the other and the roles may
switch back and forth as each takes care of the
other. Talk to your partner about your feelings.
Because infant deaths happen unexpectedly, nearly
every parent feels in some way responsible for the
baby’s death until the facts are explained. Often
one parent blames the other, or relatives blame one
or both of the parents. Families sometimes blame a
childcare provider or the doctor who told them the
baby was healthy a short time before the death.
Parents may blame themselves for something they
did or neglected to do. “If only” becomes a familiar
phrase. Parents might find themselves angry at
God, and religious beliefs may be questioned.
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I soon realized that my husband and I
were going in different directions in our
grief. With love & support and a lot of
patience with each other we walked out
of the black tunnel together. We didn’t
want our son’s death to become a wall
between us. We learned through the
support group – grief will wait until you
take the time to work through it. We
created, what Wayne liked to call, a
“new normal” for our family, when we
realized that normal was never going to
be the same again.
In memory of our son,
Nicholas Dale Gregory
Feb 8, 1998
Lesley & Wayne
Worrying about “going crazy” is part of the grief process and a normal way people cope with the
death of someone they love. Anger, assigning blame, and defensiveness are normal emotions and
are part of your grief process. As you work through the grief process, the emotional ups and
downs will lessen.
All couples grieve differently. Men tend to bury their grief and keep their
feelings to themselves, often unable to talk about their emotions or cry
openly, while women generally like to “talk out” their grief. There is no
right or wrong way to grieve. You may find that you want more time alone
to think things through or to cry. Try to give each other time and space to
work out these very personal feelings, but also make time to be together to
talk about your feelings.
We felt so alone after the loss of our
son. People had lots of empathy, but
we did not feel anyone could
comprehend the level of grief one has
after losing a child. The group
provided a different level of healing
because we received hope that the
pain would get easier, this was so very
hard to believe because it was such a
deep emotional life altering pain.
The group is a place where it was safe
to share our feelings. Everyone in the
group understood and could talk
about their feelings, which were
similar, and told us with time it
wouldn’t hurt so bad. We will forever
be grateful for the group and all the
love and support we received that
helped us heal.
In loving memory of our
beautiful babies
Lynnea & Chris
Some mothers want to “join their baby” in
death. This is normal, but if you have thoughts
of suicide that include a plan you need to talk
to someone right away (Call Mental Health
Crisis Response Services - 902-679-2870 / 902825-4825 or 911)
Hobbies, sports, work, and volunteering are all
good pastimes as long as they are not overused.
For example, working until you drop tends to cut
you off and in the end contributes to your
loneliness. Parents working outside the home are
“distracted” by their work, while parents
working as homemakers are surrounded by
constant reminders.
Society doesn’t understand. If the child is an
infant or if you have had a miscarriage, people
may assume that there hasn’t been enough time
to form much of a bond, so they expect your
grieving will be short lived. The loss of a child,
no matter what the age, is the loss of a promise.
Nothing can be more difficult to deal with. The
loss of a child creates such deep wounds, which
are so slow to heal but re-open so fast. Death and
grief are often taboo subjects of conversation for
most people. We are not taught how to cope with
death. Be kind to yourself. Take the steps to
allow the grief process to heal you.
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Looking After Yourself
You have a right to grieve. Grief is hard work. It can take months or even years to get to a
peaceful acceptance of your baby’s death. Time is needed to heal and lessen the extreme sadness.
Avoid making important decisions while you are grieving. Have faith that as you work through
your grief, you will feel better. You will never forget your child. As you heal, the memories
surrounding your baby will become treasures and will be less painful, and more peaceful to
recall.
As you begin to make choices, you may find that you feel better. If you are having trouble with
daily activities (eating, sleeping), ask your health care provider about therapy options. Be gentle
with yourself and take care of your body. Don’t expect too much. Release your grief, don't keep
it bottled up. If you do not show your grief, you may risk prolonging your healing and being able
to return to a "normal" state. Get enough rest, exercise, eat well, cut down or stop smoking and
drinking alcohol.
Find someone to listen, like your partner, family, friend, faith
community, and support group are some great options. Find
informative and compassionate people to help you through this time
in your life. Ask questions, indulge yourself and try to ask for what
you need. Remember they may not know what to say and may say the
wrong things when they think they are being helpful. Learn to forgive
your friends and family for these mistakes.
Remember you are not alone. Accept support from others. Consider coming to the Valley Circle
of Friends Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group. The support group offers you a safe place
to turn where you will no longer feel alone.
Intimacy
If your child has died at any time during the pregnancy, normal sexual
relations may not be possible for physical reasons. Intimacy may also be
affected for emotional reasons. This may add to your loneliness.
Holding hands, a brief hug, a phone call just to say thinking of you can
help to bring you closer.
Anger
Many people find they are angry. You may find that little things get you “hot under the collar”,
and you may look for someone or something to blame. The hardest thing is knowing where to
direct this anger. If you find yourself taking out your feelings on your family or co-workers
unjustly try to find another outlet and ask for forgiveness and patience from others as you work
through your grief. Perhaps some work or play related physical activity or talking to a trusted
friend or professional can ease your anger.
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Depression
Depression can be described as an emptiness, loss of energy,
tearfulness or a negative attitude. Try to recognize the signs early.
Then what to do about it? Depending on your personality you may
find solitary walks, or physical activity allows you time to remember.
For some taking a coffee or lunch break where no one knows you can help. Be cautious in the
use of drugs and alcohol. If feelings of depression get more severe, you need to talk to someone
Call Mental Health Crisis Response Services - 902-679-2870 / 902-825-4825 for help.
Talking
Some of us are good at talking, and for many it is a release. If you are
comfortable talking, find several trusted friends, family, a support group or
a professional to share your feeling with. The Valley Circle of Friends
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group is a safe place to share and talk,
or even just listen to other family’s stories.
Grandparents
Losing a grandchild is a unique loss because it is a double loss. You grieve for your grandchild
and you grieve for your child. Dreams are shattered when your child loses a baby.
You may find you are sad and in pain, and your sorrow may make you feel powerless to help
your own child. This baby’s loss may cause shock, disbelief, panic, distress, and anger. It seems
so unreal. You may feel that you were supposed to be the one to go first, so the order of loss is
reversed.
Grandparents have an important role. Your child is grieving and using
their strength for themselves and may not recognize your pain. You have
lost a grandchild. Your pain and confusion are real. Distance may prevent
the close contact you need to understand what is going on with your child.
You may not want to impose or you may feel you are letting your child
down by not being able to control your own grief. Some emotions may
seem strange. It is ok to show your grief and talk about it with your child.
At this time, take good care of yourself as you search for ways to give back and make sense of
this experience. Question, express your feelings, use your faith community and seek help when it
is needed. Exercise, eat a well balanced diet, rest when needed and encourage humour and
lightness in your day.
Trying to find a reason for the loss may lead to blaming yourself or others. Parents and
grandparents may wonder if their genes caused the death. Blaming adds more guilt, stress and
pain. Some may be angry that they are alive and their grandchild is not.
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Grief takes form through feelings of hopelessness, emptiness, lack of interest, fatigue, and it
makes it hard to concentrate. You can feel disorganized.
Feelings during mourning can only be dealt with by expressing them the
best way you can. Find someone you trust to talk to. Try painting or
writing your feelings down. Releasing your feelings helps you go
through the grief process as you cry, talk and grieve with your child.
Grief does not leave unless we work at it, each in our own way.
Feeling organized does come with time, as feelings of a “new” normal start, as you talk, journal,
ask for help, and express your needs.
Although it is hard to do, the best role a grandparent can take is a
supportive guide. Ask the parents what you can do to help. Sometimes
little things like getting a meal ready, grocery shopping, bill paying or
laundry can seem overwhelming to grieving parents. Offer to help out with
the day-to-day tasks.
The parents may or may not ask for your help. Offer specific help (for example, getting a meal
ready) but don’t try to rescue or deny your child their pain. Parents often want to do things
themselves at the time they feel is right for them. Include the baby in conversations to ease the
parents and their pain. Honour the memories and offer your support for as long as needed.
If you are expecting another grandchild, worry surrounding your new grandchild may be
especially troubling to you. You may want to seek someone to talk to or go to a support group.
Celebrate the grandchildren you may have now. Continue to keep room in your heart for the
infant who has died.
Family Members and Friends
Your loss can be devastating and painful for your loved ones. They may
not know how to help you, especially if they are also grieving. They may
be unable to tell you how they are feeling. Often, they may feel helpless,
powerless and useless because they don’t know how to help. Your partner,
family and friends often feel helpless and thankful that you are physically
recovering from this trauma.
Sometimes people around you may say things that can be hurtful, only because they do not
understand what you are going through. Unless they have experienced a pregnancy loss
themselves, they may never completely understand. Prepare yourself because people may
unintentionally make hurtful statements: “You can always have more children”; “This is God’s
will”, “If you want children, and you can borrow mine”.
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Unfortunately, people will try to ignore grief or hide from it and they think they are helping.
Those you normally trust and lean on may need education on your grief. Family and friends can
provide love and understanding by allowing you to express your feelings, and make decisions
such as when to take down the crib, or to put the baby's clothes away.
Let your loved ones know that sometimes just a few simple words like "I'm sorry" is enough.
Listening can also be one of the best medicines.
Talking with Children
When there are other children waiting to welcome a new baby, parents have
the difficult task of explaining to their children what has happened and how
they feel about it.
Young children think that death is a temporary situation so they may think the
baby is away and will come back. Because they do not understand the finality
of death, they may not understand the sadness you are experiencing or feel sad
themselves.
They are concrete thinkers and don’t understand abstract words like God, heaven, hell, angel,
and soul. They can understand that “dead” means the baby cannot move, breathe, see, or hear.
How to Tell Children
First think through how your child or children might understand what you are about to say.
When you feel ready, sit in a quiet, comfortable place where your child will feel the security of
your presence. Put your arm around them if that is normal for you.
Tell your child that your family has been looking forward to a new baby. Something has
happened. The baby has died and will not be coming home to live with you after all. (If you
know the reason why, tell it to your child in simple terms i.e. the baby was missing something in
its body it needed to live. Then reassure your child that they are not missing anything in their
body.) If you do not know why, tell them you do not know. It is something that happens
sometimes. Children at this age think magically. Reassure your child that it was nothing they
said, did, or thought that had anything to do with the baby dying.
Talking to Children About Feelings
Tell your child you feel very sad about the baby’s death. Explain that
you might cry sometimes, and this is normal when someone has died.
Your child may or may not feel sad. That is OK either way. Reassure
your child you are very glad they are with you, and that you are not sad
about them. Your tears are your own tears and they are not the cause.
They have done nothing to make you cry. It is the baby’s death that
causes you to cry.
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Tell your child to ask you any questions they might have and to talk about the baby when they
want to. Lines of communication about the death should be kept open for years since children’s
questions and ability to understand change as they develop. They will need more complete
information over time. Involve your other child or children in expressing their feelings about the
baby through pictures or talking to you.
Memories
Putting away the baby’s things is an important release for your feelings and can be done anytime
you feel you are ready. You may want to hold onto something that belonged to your baby for
comfort and a reminder of your baby.
You do not get an official birth certificate or death certificate when you have an ectopic pregnancy,
miscarriage or stillbirth, but this does not mean your baby is invisible. You are still a Mom, you
are still a Dad, you are still a grandparent. Your baby's life is important!
Parents, grandparents, siblings, family, and friends may find these will help them memorialize
the baby:
♥ If you haven’t named your baby, you can do this now.
♥ Hold a memorial service, light candles, have readings, sing. Have as many or few people as
you want. Call the hospital Chaplain and ask if there is a memorial service you can attend.
♥ Create a memory book or box, positive pregnancy results, ultrasound pictures, cards,
poems, plans for baby’s room, etc.
♥ Create a memory garden, plant flowers, trees, scatter seeds,
or bury a note or other mementos.
♥ Make a memory stone to place in an existing garden or
graveside.
♥ Buy a small reminder of your baby, something to keep in a
special place or with you all the time (stuffed animal,
angels, and pendant).
♥ Write a poem to make cherished memories and reflect on what your baby meant to you.
♥ Use a journal to express what you are feeling.
♥ Wear a piece of jewellery to remember your child.
♥ Keep a journal or make a tape of the story of your baby’s brief life.
♥ Make a donation in your baby’s memory and give any gifts to a worthy cause.
♥ Fill in the “certificate of life” at the end of this booklet to have as a keepsake.
Remember your baby. Talk about your baby. Include them in conversations. Gradual good-byes
are better. However you choose to honour your baby’s life, will be treasured memories.
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Arranging the funeral is also an important gift the parents can give their baby.
Talking to others helps to remember the details of your baby’s birth, life and death
and helps to ease some of the pain. Explain your feelings in terms of your emotions;
disappointments, worries, anger, and guilt. The need to know “why” can be shared
with partners and family members. You may have to let people know that talking about
your baby is helpful to you.
Anniversaries
You will remember the day your child died for many years, perhaps forever. At birthdays, many
parents think about how old this child would have been. You may find yourself looking at
children of a similar age and be revisited by your grief. Try to speak your thoughts to others who
share your grief. Special holidays and family get-togethers may be difficult. If your child did not
survive until the due date, you may have difficulty remembering all the dates. Write important
dates down so you can plan something to honour your child that you can do together as a family.
How Children Can Help Remember
If you have pictures or mementos of your baby, (i.e. pictures, baby blanket,
measuring tape etc.) show them to your child. You might talk about having
them help plant a shrub or tree to remember the baby.
Where can you get help?
Couples grieve differently. Find other supportive people and/or a
support group to help. Don’t be afraid to ask questions or ask for help
from the people around you. Take your time because these are
important decisions. Your baby’s life and death are important.
Other than your health care provider, partner, friends, family and
colleagues, there are other people willing to help you. There is a group
of parents who have lost a baby through ectopic pregnancy,
miscarriage, stillbirth or newborn death. The Valley Circle of Friends
meets once a month at the Eastern Kings Memorial Health Centre in
Wolfville. Members of the group are willing to visit you or you may
choose to attend the meetings.
Valley Circle
of Friends
Valley Circle of Friends is a support group for families who have experienced a pregnancy or
infant loss. This support group enables you to meet other parents who understand your
experience.
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Valley Circle of Friends Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group
Every 2nd Wednesday of each month at EKMCHC,
23 Earnscliffe Ave, Wolfville
(Corner Meeting Room) at 7:00 pm
[email protected]
For further information call:
Public Health Services
Wolfville: 542-6310
Berwick: 538-3700
Middleton: 825-3386
Annapolis Royal: 532-0490
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Suggested Reading and Resources
Read materials and books that have been recommended by others that have experienced a loss.
Books
These books and more are available at Valley Circle of Friends
Mills, Joyce C. (2004) Gentle Willow: A Story for Children about Dying
Friedman, R. MD. & Gradstein, B .MPH (1992) Surviving Pregnancy Loss
Gryte, Marilyn. (1988) No New Baby: For Siblings Who Have a Brother or Sister Die Before
Birth
Kohn, I. & Moffett, P. (1993) A Silent Sorrow – Pregnancy Loss.
Saynor John K. (1990) Saying goodbye
Ilse, Sherokee (1994) Single Parent Grief
Ilse, Sherokee & Hammer Burns, Linda (2006) Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream
Rank, Maureen (2004) Free to Grieve: Healing and Encouragement for Those Who Have
Suffered Miscarriage and Stillbirth
Videos (VHS & DVD)
Leaney, C. Silver,M. & Torrance, J. (1995) Unsung Lullabies - Miscarriage talked about and
frequently misunderstood – Personal stories about miscarriage – [48 min]. No Time to Cry
Productions Inc.
Hamilton, C., Paraclete Press., & Paraclete Video Productions. (1997). Footprints on our hearts:
how to cope after a miscarriage, stillbirth or newborn death. [78 min] Brewster, MA:
Paraclete Press.
Websites or Online Resources
These are some websites we found helpful.
First Candle - A nonprofit organization dedicated to safe pregnancies and the survival of babies
through the first years of life
• www.firstcandle.org
Ectopic Pregnancy Foundation - educates and increases ectopic pregnancy awareness
• www.ectopicpregnancy.org
A Place to Remember - Uplifting support resources for those who have been touched by a crisis
in pregnancy or the death of baby
• www.aplacetoremember.com
Sidelines - support for families facing high-risk pregnancies
• www.sidelines.org
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Certificate of Life
“In an instant you changed our lives forever”
To acknowledge the life of
_________________________________________
(Baby)
Who’s life, though brief, will never be
forgotten by
_________________________________________
(Parents/Family)
___________________________
(Date)
Forever Loved, Forever Remembered
Your Journey
You can use this space to write your own story or notes that may help you in your grieving journey
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Missing Not Knowing You
I never held you in my arms,
But I knew that you were here.
I never saw your little face,
But in my mind I see it clear.
I'll never hold you to my breast,
But in my heart I'll hold you dear.
I'll never sing you a lullaby,
But my voice I know you can hear.
I know for now you’re safe and sound,
The angels have taken you in.
They hold you in their loving arms,
Where mine should have been.
They'll sing you songs like mothers do,
And keep you safe and warm.
So for a time they may hold you my child.
I'll be here taking care,
Of the children who need your Mommy's love,
The love you wanted to share.
-T.J. Dawson
April 18, 1999
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Is published by
AVH Corporate Office
15 Chipman Drive
Kentville, NS
B4N 3V7
annapolisvalleyhealth.ca
AVH promotes a smoke free and scent free environment.
This Booklet may be copied and is available on the AVH Website.
To be revised 2016
Prepared by – Pregnancy and Infant Loss Committee, AVH
A special Thank You to First Candle for their contributions to the content of this book and to the parents
from Valley Circle of Friends for sharing their stories.